#i am happy about both these things! means less stress on me! but also after the initial WOO i feel very dead and Eh now. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boxwinebaddie · 1 month

Note

Hi Uncle Nina !!

I don't wanna clog your ask box with stupid shit but this is stupid shit but it was also my bday on the thirteenth so shjdjdjs

As a fellow Monster addict ( I got a flat of Monster for my bday and collect the cans I have 30 diff ones so far <3 ) I need to know what Stan's favourite is

And on the less stupid side of things I was also hoping to potentially hear more about Stan's trans journey/Kyle finding out Raven is trans

Also I'm sorry your job has been so stressful lately :(( I hope you have a good day 🧡

- Stan 🧡

hi orange heart stan! <3

it's so good to hear from you, baby.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHSLAY, MY LOVE! i'm sorry i'm a little late, but you know me -- everything i do is fashionably late, darling. ;)

but also!!!!! call your wonderful, lovely ask message stupid shit again!!! see what happens!!! i'm gonna frown So WIDE, i'm gonna look so Upset. i'm going to hold you up to the sun!!! JUST WATCH!!!! >;/

my sweet stannie; you are a gift, a treasure. and your ask memes are a pleasure. i don't find them stupid in any shape or form, be nice. conversely, they are extremely special to me and it's why i put off writing this message for a little while because i wanted to respond to it thoughtfully, seeing as though it's your bday message.

which, *cracks knuckles* to get the ball roooollling.

i can absolutely tell you what monster energy is stan's favorite, but as a bday bonus, bc i wasn't sure which stan you wanted to know about, or if you wanted both: i'll give you both my style's fave monster flavs

and i was going to go into some ravenstan trans lore after that, but i feel like that info should go in it's own ask, yeah? i just don't want it to get cluttered. so if you feel so inclined, would you mind sending me a second anon where i can drop that info? thank you, baby! mwah

but now, w/o further ado...

please enjoy the most Refreshing part of your day <333

for context ( and actually because i got an anon once who wanted to know whether i drink energy drinks ), i don't really know that much about energy drinks/flavors because i don't really drink energy drinks.

i mean okay, i'm not really sure if it counts as an energy drink, but i will chug a guayaki yerba mate like it is the elixir of life. ( also i fully maintain that pep stan drinks the enlightenment flavor and ravenstan drinks the raspberry one -- crunchy eco kings ) my favorite one is the passion terrere one. it's like the only one that doesn't come in a can and only comes in a glass bottle...that ice cold passion terrere mate in the glass...it hits so different than the can...oh my god. so good.

and as far as monsters go, i pretty much only drink pipeline punch bc i'm a pretty pink princess and that's what hot girls drink <3 but other than that i drink black coffee because i am an exhausted teacher girlie, but that's purely for fuel. to be honest, i rarely drink energy drinks just for fun, i only have caffeine to stay upright.

which isn't a great idea...but...i am not a role model....

speaking of:

so i told riley this story the other day, bc i needed to get her brilliant genius girl insight on energy drink flavors because she is the sugar free energy queen ( riley's answer was kyle x ultra strawberry dreams and stan x ultra mango fiesta, which, everyone say thank u riley <3 )

-- also god if you are real, bring back the watermelon lime venom you discontinued, you sick fuck, it was riley's favorite, thank you for giving us lovely orange heart stan, and fuck you very much for making ME, bitch! come on down, king! you won't! why the fuck would you extend my coworkers vacation! fight me, ugly!!!! --

and i was telling her about how i am the chaotic kenny friend, i make really bad, chaotic decisions, have no self preservation, hype and gas up my extremely bad ideas and convince myself i'm big brain, wow.

and...oof. so like 2-3 years ago during finals week, i had a fuck ton of essays and projects due ( i was a very bad student btw which is funny bc i'm a teacher ) and no idea how i was gonna do them, so i had the Brilliant Idea...to buy three Random bang energy drinks...

AND SHOTGUN ALL OF THEM BACK TO BACK LIKE BEER CANS.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh my god, party girl nina. help. crying.

and yknow, i thought this was such a good idea! i was like wow i'm gonna be so awake, i am going to b invincible.

i....was not Invicible. i was...very, very sick. i was like almost catatonic and shaking on the floor of my dorm bathroom, lmao. i had to have my roomate take a picture of me on the floor and text all my teachers what happened, which, thank god they were all really nice and laughed but...i feel like that tells you everything you need to know about me...people who think i'm their hero...i am a fucking idiot.

but!! BUUUUTTT! just for You, baby. i deep dived a lot of forums and read a lot about the flavor profiles and think...i made a pretty accurate assertion of what my kid's energy drink preferences are <3

me: paris hilton pipeline punch bc i am bad as hell ;)

stan the man with the plan: okay, so i think that pep stan is definitely that ultra paradise monster energy. it just seems really crisp, clean, earthy. stan also doesn't really care for sweets or sugar, so it makes sense to me that he would be drinking a zero sugar monster ( kyle is disgusted ) idk the kiwi, lime, cucumber flavor profile just feels like pep stan. please tell me you can see the vision, help.

kyle pile: hmmm...so what i've concluded with my research is that kyle pile probably likes that pacific pipeline monster that seems to taste like fruit punch <3 it has to be the full sugar ones because of his blood sugar and stan does kind of scold kyle for drinking them bc he's not really supposed to and he gets really cracked out ahdslkshd like he's really cute but stan is like oh my god bro you gotta lay down but yeah i think that one or the orange dreamsicle one, which is hilarious because the only foods stmwtp canonically does not like are pickles and artifical orange flavoring...he really loves kp.

raven: soooooo i know that i said pep stan was the mango loco monster energy, BUT RAVENSTAN IS LITERALLY THE MANGO LOCO MONSTER ENERGY LIKE HELLO??? also i feel like he is like those mexican dads that put a little tajin in whatever they're eating and act like they've invented fire heeeeeelp ravenstan is so the dad that cuts u up fruit into little shapes and pus tajin on them and feeds u them when ur sad <333 luv u raven ;-; <3 but yeah i feel like he full on turns it into a raspado its so unserious sometimes theres a shot in there, it's usually the spicy tamarind smirnoff vodka,

...what can i say my man is a visionary and i see it

jersey: oooookaaaaay. so...sigh. for Obvious Reasons, pre and during rm, because of kyle's ed, he only drinks the sugar free monsters. for energy because he's exhausted ( my baby </3 ) but i also do think he thinks they taste good. i think he fucks with that ultra watermelon flavor that just tastes like the most beautiful, delectable, mouth watering liquid watermelon candy ever. i also think he could rock with the strawberry or the peach one sounds dank.

if the watermelon one isn't there it does stress him out, but he has a mental list of what one is next on the tier list, and acts accordingly. its kind of a nice change of pace but...his brain does not think that. however, when kyle is healing, weirdly enough, i think he ACTUALLY LIKES???? those coffee flavored ones??? which is Insane and everyone including tweek points and laughs at him

i hope...that suffices? you're totally welcome to offer me what you think is the right answer: you're the monster expert, after all. but this is what i feel in my heart! i think it feels accurate but, lmk! :')

and also...speaking of my job. UUUUUUGH. thank you baby. :((( i am actually criminally depressed because my fucking HOE-WORKER fucking extended his vacation ONE MORE WEEK! so i have to cover all his shifts for an extra week while he's on vacation. so that means i don't get to watch my testing accommodation kids who i miss very much, i still don't get his kinder reccess shift and literally??? spring break is next week like he couldn't WAIT???? holy fuck i'm Sad. :(

but i will be fine darling. but it's actually why i wanted to see if you could send me another anon so i can use that anon to talk about trans stan journey stuff? i just don't want it to get lost in this post and also, i'm not in great spirits rn and don't want to answer it until i can write something that's not flaming garbage.

but happy late birthday baby, i'm so glad you were born. <333

-uncle nina, monster shot gun queen

p.s. what is your favorite monster energy? :)

#BB IF YOU CALL YOUR MESSAGE STUPID ONE MORE TIME #I AM GOING TO PUT YOU IN SO MANY BLANKETS AND FEED YOU SO MANY SNACKS AND BRAID UR HAIR #KNOCK IT AWHFF!!!!!!#you are so loved and this was no stupid at all and i actually had a lot of fun reading all about all the monster flavors #i'm sorry if its not totally accurate i did my best #i'm sorry the green one is so much more pep stan #and the mango loco one is actually raven #like thats just the right answer #ravenstan drinking the mango loco monster w the tajin rim...like he's kind of a genius oh my god #him turning them into a cursed mixed drink is foul tho i just know his head hurts after that #i cant believe i had jersey likes the coffee ones that is so foul #but him drinking the no sugar ones and drinking the candy flavored ones bc he is like 7 years old #theyre so cute lkahdkshd also kyle pile also likes the cherry blade lemonade bang energy that feels right to me #BUT YEAH I HOPE THIS MADE YOU SMILE #TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK HAHA #also sorry i didnt give you the Serious answer in that post but ravens trans journey is really important to me #and i really want to honor that and not rush it or write it when i am in a bad mood...ill make it worth it for you my love #but uuuugh no im in such a bad mood like im actually so frustrated like this is just not fair to me #me n the older kids are starting to kind of be alright but it kind of ebbs and flows like its better somedays and worse others #but they are stuck with just me for another week so were managing tbh my coworker was dad and im mom basically #im more like stepmom and they dont really like me bc ur not my real mom but like at least im nice lmao #but yeah happy birthday baby hope you enjoyed this and i will get you the answers you seek very soon mWAAAAH #also not me shotgunning 3 bang energies and throwing up and having to have my friends email my professors #when i tell you im not a role model i mean that i am a joke i make such bad decisions #live fast die young bad girls do it well

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lesbiandanhowell · 5 months

Text

Sam (begrudgingly) reacts to: Dan and Phil play Poppy Playtime CHAPTER 2!

I fucking hate horror games and I am have a high anxiety day so this is like awful timing BUT HERE GOES NOTHING.

- Not a fan of the runtime because I don't enjoy horror so the longer the worse for me personally so fuck this actually oops

- Babes I am literally shaking and almost crying 4 minutes in this will not be fun lmao (but also I know my anxiety won't go away without dan and phil content so might as well hope they will be funny and cute enough to make me calm down).

- I hate this I want to cry UPDATE: I literally started crying right after this, about 8 minutes into the game, but it got better afterwards.

- The touch when saying 'we have to be brave' was very personal to me. (Someone give me someone to watch this with and hold me please because I am scared)

- The buttplug jokes being the only thing to make me laugh, thank you Phil. Dan what do you MEAN "tails in" in reference to buttplugs, did you see the unhinged shit we said on tumblr, because oh god please no.

- "What are we going to do now?" "Cry" Phil gets me actually thank you I feel seen.

- The color game is actually calming my anxiety SO much it's hilarious, like it's just logic and following patterns and those things are so calming even when Dan is screaming.

- "For our lesbian audience that has mommy issues this is gonna be a weird episode" YOU DONT SAY DAN YOU DONT SAY

- new lore alert: Phil going to a wrestling party

- Phil lore: he was afraid of the KFC man as a kid

- PINOF MENTION AND CLIP AHAHA, they love doing these references since they uploaded the first react video.

- Dan hiding in his hoodie is adorable, like he just fully went "nope!" and hid haha.

- I think you can see Phil's hand shaking in the whack a mole, like the camera was SO shakey which was either his inability to use a mouse or he was shaking, place your bets.

- Dan playing the mini game after all, Phil is never beating the younger brother stereotype truly.

- When did they film all of these that their heating is still broken?! Makes me think they really did pre-film most of these to have a less stressful time now during december, which good job guys!

- Mommy's voice reminds me of someone else in a tv show but I can't figure out what? Anyone know?

- Their delighted faces at seeing jacksepticeye are adorable, like you could tell they were so happy truly and I love these little easter eggs!

- "Sean you down there?" HOWLING

- They edited so many clips and memes into this (which makes me think they edited it rather than an editor) haha

- Phil just, maybe unconsciously, moving impossibly closer to Dan is a big mood (only I am alone rip).

- Weirdly enough the mini games are the most calming part for me, like there is a clear focus and clear objective of what to do and it's like: here is a problem, solve it and I think that does wonders for me.

- Unsure if I am shaking from anxiety or being cold (also great I have more uni work to do after watching this)

- Yes please sanitize my boobs. What

- I agree Phil, we have gotten a lot of lore (about you)!

- Phil's panicked "geese!" gets me every time because it's so cute.

- "I feel kinda bad" aw ofc you do Phil and ofc you don't Dan, so very in character for both of them honestly.

- "Sometime in 2023, so not much longer" Phil, honey, there are like 20 days left what do you mean?!

This actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, after I had my little cry at the beginning. I was actually quite calm by the end and I think my anxiety actually is less, which I didn't think would happen. The magic of Dan and Phil, see you tomorrow!

#dan and phil #amazingphil #daniel howell #phan #gaymingmas #sam reacts #Dan and Phil play Poppy Playtime CHAPTER 2!

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writingrenna · 1 year

Text

Hassel x GN!Reader

"Where The Heart Is"

A story where you start to actively pay attention to the specific brand of weird Hassel throws your way.

I admit, I didn't finish most of the friendship quests because I WANT MORE OF HIM, WHY DO CHARACTERS JUST DISAPPEAR/BECOME GENERIC NPCS WHEN THEY'RE DONE BEING IN THE STORY?? I want to truly engross myself in his backstory, so I'll be taking things slow. Don't mind me, just dragging out the inevitable </3

I WILL be taking advantage of his rematches, thank you very much.

ALSO this takes place three years after the end of the game so your expy has time to be hired and get to know Hassel, you work as one of the academy librarians!

Tone/Ending: Slightly Angsty At Parts, Wholesome, Romantic

Warnings: If you're sensitive to rough family situations, be warned! Hassel is very firm with no longer associating with his family and it's hinted at that his childhood wasn't the best, but the story doesn't dwell on that yet, I'm exploring that more later

Also, beware the movie and Hassel's painting sections, especially if the Iron Giant makes you sad

Word Count: A little bit over 5,000

^^^>

"You're... really sure about this, huh?" You say into your mug.

The steam from your tea gently tickled your nose as you considered what he said. The two of you were standing at the back of the staff room, both leaning against a window each on opposite sides of the bookshelf. The rain was fairly loud, but it served more as a gentle white noise to your conversation than anything.

"Yes, I simply cannot imagine an outcome that would make reaching back out again worth it."

You couldn't see his face, but the sadness in his tone was evident, so you took note of that.

"Ah, I know how that feels." You say, remembering some sour relationship conclusions where the other person reached out again or seemed to linger a bit more than they should. But his story... holy Tauros, it was something else.

"Well, do you think you're happy here in Paldea?" You begin. "I mean, would you consider seeing more of the world from time to time? Maybe even visit your home region again?"

He paused, taking in your question. He then huffed a little out of his nose, although it didn't seem to be out of annoyance.

"Well, I have lightly entertained the idea of just visiting my homeland again, but I just..." He paused. "Something is holding me back."

Your face dropped from attentive neutrality to one of sadness for him.

"Hey, no, that's valid of course! I was just wondering where you stood, you know? Like, after escaping all that and starting anew here? I'll stop asking if you like, though."

He immediately rebutted your offer.

"Nonsense, my dear. I do not mind your curiosity. I am aware my familial ties are... strange."

You can almost feel him stare into his mug in self-reflection, the one with the hand-drawn Gossifleur design a student made him that he had printed on. The one he proudly owned and tearfully showed off to every member of staff who happened to walk by if he had it at the time until the entire combined workforce of both the academy and the league knew about it. His favorite mug...

Him speaking up snapped you out of your trance.

"Ah, and about your first question. Truth be told, I do not have enough time to even imagine seeing more of the world, much less experience it. Between the academy and my duties with the elite four, my schedule is simply swamped! I sadly do not even remember the last time I had an extended break."

You frowned, looking down at your own mug. The one you spun yourself after classes on a day that Hassel had done a lesson in properly handling clay, donated courtesy of Brassius. He gave you a chance to throw down and de-stress as he cleaned the rest of the classroom since you had an especially rough day reorganizing books in the massive entrance hall. It wasn't perfect, but it was your own pride and joy, one he had cried upon seeing you finally use one spring morning.

"Oh! But do not pity me, I really and truly do love working with our students and giving it my all in the league. My classes remind me of the joy and wonder one feels while appreciating the beauty the world has to offer, even during those darker days. The future is bright for all our students! And these dragon Pokémon..." He paused. "They were always there for me despite my family's less-than accepting stance on my life choices. I have nothing but praise and gratitude to show them all."

You smiled, looking down a little as you let his words reverberate in your mind. You were going to ask him another question, only for him to completely derail your train of thought.

"Besides... there are many a thing here to make me feel well and truly at home."

You could hear a great warmth in his voice when he said this. You pondered on this, wondering if he meant to hint at something there when you notice the rain had stopped.

"Hey, the rain's gone!" You said before departing from the window. You stretch, careful not to accidentally spill the contents of your mug as you do so. You then walk forward a bit, looking over at your colleague as you do so.

You can't help but pause, however, at the way he stared longingly at the mug.

His eyes were transfixed on the last bit of tea left, swirling the liquid in his hands. His usual piercing eyes were replaced with a far more softened gaze, pupils large and unfocused.

He glanced up at you, smirking, although it was out of contentment. You couldn't help but focus on his blush. He was obviously thinking about something, but what ?? The way he stared at you from below his eyelids, refusing to lift his head more, but still giving you his undivided attention made you feel... strange.

'What is this man thinking?'

Despite taking in every little thing you could about his strange behavior, the moment really only lasted a few seconds before he chuckled softly, sitting up straight himself.

"Ah, well then." He softly intoned. "We should probably head out. Would you..."

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"...do me the honor of... of letting me walk you outside?"

^^^>

The rain-kissed streets of Mesagoza smelled fresh, and the warmth in the air left you without the need of a jacket, so you decided to forego wearing it. Hassel seemingly felt the same way, taking his coat off and draping it over his right arm before gently placing his left dominant hand over top it, as if caressing it. He took a deep breath, eyelids closed and fluttering.

"Ahh... smell that evening air. The world has been rinsed clean and emerges anew!"

You smiled up at him. He truly did seem to appreciate every little thing this world had to offer, good or bad.

"Hah! Yeah, I love the smell of rain. Very cozy, makes me feel all peaceful and stuff."

You suddenly remembered something.

"O-oh! And did you know? The word describing that comfy smell of rain after a dry season is 'petrichor'!"

He looked at you, head tilted down and to the side at you, his wide eyes showing his astonishment.

"I did not! Thank you for enlightening me, I now know a far simpler way to describe this feeling."

You beamed up at him, eyes closing momentarily as you grinned a toothy grin. When your eyes opened again, his face had an enchanted smile. That blush... it was back.

A coincidence, surely.

You decided to pretend you didn't notice.

"Oh, hey! It's a nice evening. Would you like to take a little walk?"

You bow slightly, looking up at him and offering your hand. He flinches slightly, eyes widening again as his face erupted in a deeper hue.

"Uh, y-yes. Yes I would."

He hastily grabs your hand and moves to face forward, avoiding your gaze. The man was probably in his early-to-mid 50's or 60's, but his voice audibly cracked. You didn't mention it, however, much to his relief.

^^^>

Here you are, splashing and kicking about in some puddles. You brought rain boots with you to keep at the school because the weather seemed to change at a sneeze in Paldea, but you really didn't mind. You loved the rain. You also loved having company, even super posh and serious company. You called for your companion.

"C'MON, HASS! WHY NOT GET YOUR PANTS WET THIS ONE TIME!?"

He was leaning away, seemingly trying to protect his suit jacket.

"Er... I would rather not have to deal with dry cleaning for a few minutes of rebellion..."

You understood, although a part of you just wanted to see the man act like a child again. So you walked off to stare out into the distance, 'hmm'ing to yourself as you came up with an idea. This worried Hassel, who backed up a bit.

"My dearest, what is on your mind? I'm not sure I feel comfortable with your suspicious little 'hmm's..."

You let out a mischievous little cackle before turning your upper half back towards him. His nervous smiling face screams 'oh Arceus, save me!', yet he remains glued in place. He seems ready to bolt at any second, however.

"Oh, nothing." You start, turning to walk toward the man, whose nervous smile wavers a bit to being more worried.

"But I will break you."

He lets out a shakey noise, but he remains.

"Ah, well, it is alright. No need for, um, breaking." He grins. "I am quite content simply watching you enjoy yourself."

He seemed genuine. You groaned.

"Oh, I am still breaking you, sir." You point a finger at him, waggling it a little as you turn and walk away, although you don't retract it, simply shaking it to your side. "Juuuust you wait."

He 'hmmph's, shaking his head in amusement.

"I see, I am..."

He mumbles an 'Oh bother...' under his breath before continuing.

"...interested... to see whatever you have planned for the night."

You freeze. You didn't actually stop to think about when you'd "break" him. But tonight definitely works.

"Good. Cause it's gonna be WIIIIILD."

^^^>

It certainly was not nearly as wild as Hassel expected. Here you were, popping popcorn as he sat under a blanket fort in your living room. A part of you expected him to be giddy, feeling that childlike wonder take over.

But the logical part of you predicted his bewildered expression, silently staring up and around at the neon lights you hung about the dark room.

"So." he began. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I wanna remind you of what it's like to be a kid again! Let loose, man!" You did a strange little shimmying dance as you said this.

His eyes widened, although it was different than before.

"Really now?"

"Yes, really!"

The popcorn was finally done, so you put it in a large bowl before going over and putting it on the floor beside him.

"It's movie night now! Your choice..." You said, holding up several cases with classic movies.

The Little Primarina, The Pyroar King, even Revavrooms were available for him to choose from. He carefully looked them over, his usual neutral expression on his face as he seemed to seriously consider which movie to watch. It was kinda funny, your stomach compressing a little to hide a laugh that was threatening to come up. He didn't seem to notice however, instead pointing to one, looking back up at you in the process.

"That one looks promising."

^^^>

He chose poorly. Or at least, he chose one he wasn't prepared for. You watched as tears spilled from his eyes, him constantly shaking his head and whispering "no" over and over with the covers pulled up over his nose. The Steel Ultra Beast really did a number on him, watching the mysterious entity (who we now know as Celesteela) sacrifice itself to save its new friends from an Ultra Wormhole a secret branch of the government tried to seize, but instead caused to collapse. He yelped when it said to itself "Palafin." He couldn't bare to watch the climax, sobbing pitifully while squeezing his eyes shut, looking down and repeatedly chomping down on the blanket you two shared.

"It's Ok, Hass..." You said, rubbing his shoulder.

You had tried to warn him, but in all fairness, it'd take a lot of effort to properly warn anyone of the emotions involved watching it without spoiling the entire movie.

He leaned into you, his eyes still closed, tears still managing to escape.

"Th-thank you, my dearest..." He sniffles.

You felt bad for even having it as an option, but then again, he seemed to enjoy it despite the... sorrowful conclusion. You gave him a little while to let it all out, holding him tight and rubbing his back as he bawled his eyes out into your shoulder. You were so sucked up in comforting him that you almost forgot-

Gasp!

You sat up abruptly, although you hold onto Hassel so he's still lying on you.

"The ending scene!"

He's teary-eyed, but he looks over to the TV screen.

"The ending has not happened yet?"

"No! Or at least, not the true ending."

You smirk and look down at him like a Purrloin caught stealing but absolutely not regretting it, although his eyes are still sad. Either way, he kept watching, when...

"It... it is rebuilding itself?"

"Yeah! I mean, the movie never got a sequel, which sucks, but hey! Open-ended bittersweet endings are one of my favorite kinds!"

He seemed to feel slightly better, sniffling a bit as he sat up and wiped his nose.

"Ah, I-I see..." He said, slowly calming himself down. He took a few deep breaths before turning to you.

You feel the need to apologize.

"Hey, sorry I, uh, brought that movie out in the first place."

He looked at you, a weak smile on his face.

"Do not apologize, my dear! I can see why you and many others consider it a cult-classic. It was a marvellous story despite the turmoil in my heart. Perhaps even partially because of it."

He seemed hesitant to say the next part, sitting with his legs up to his chest.

"I, um, had a fantastic time with you tonight."

He turned to look at you, eyes sparkling due to the light of the TV.

"Really, I did."

There was so much warmth in his tear-stained face.

"I'm glad! I just wanted to see you let your guard down, haha!"

"Ah, I see..." He said, eyes darting to the side as he turned away, contemplation on his face.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment as he thought on what all just happened. You decided to close your eyes, lightly humming a tune to yourself. It wasn't one that existed, or even made sense really, but it was your own little melody.

"Ah, I have always wondered, is that a song you like?"

"Hehe, nah, just a melody I made up one day."

"Oh. It is very pleasant." He smiled.

"Thank you!" You smiled back.

^^^>

He had gone home later that night after you forced him to stay for pizza and a few episodes of a show you used to watch. He went for a salad instead, not wishing to feel sluggish on his way home, although you got him to eat one singular solitary slice. All-in-all, it was a very good night. You got him to smile and laugh again despite watching such a sad movie just an hour before.

It was now Friday, three days later. You knew he'd have something special planned for his students today, as he did every other Friday. You wondered what it'd be as you reorganized the shelf housing the Occulture Magazine again. You idly wondered how accurate the entries were when you heard a bell.

"Oh, classes are out already?"

You had already kept up with what the students in the entrance hall were up to that day, since there weren't many there to really pick up after, so really, all you had to do was a final check of the catalog you started earlier so you could pop by and see what Hassel had done that evening.

It took a bit over 30 minutes to wrap everything up, but you finished, signing out of your work computer and making your way over to the art room.

When you reached the door, you heard a familiar tune. You wondered what it was, before suddenly realizing something: it's the tune you hum! He remembered it? Has he hummed it before?

You entered the classroom, prepared to ask him how he remembered the erratic tune so well when you decided to see if he was in a state to even be distracted. Hassel was sitting at a desk, adding various dots with the aid of a thin paintbrush to a canvas he had. You assumed it was glitter or stars.

He looked up at you, neutral expression turning into a huge grin.

"Oh, my darling! Come over here! I have something I'd like to show you!"

You did as he said, coming over as he himself stood up to meet you at the other side of the desk.

He held up a painting, and by Arceus was it gorgeous. It was of Celesteela, flying into space, a content look on its face despite the doom looming over it.

"I used this as an example for today's lesson." He began. "I was inspired by our movie night earlier this week. I thought of the many pieces of media that make one feel things, the images and words that truly stick with you that came from another mind, how we often analyze and relate to them. So I decided to base this Friday's special on that very concept! Everyone was allowed to draw and paint their own favorite scenes from the movies, shows, and games they enjoy."

You nodded, still taking in all the details of his painting. He based it off a real photo of Celesteela, a sorta modern "glow up" of sorts that make the familiar scene truly pop.

He continued.

"This piece was meant to represent the acceptance Celesteela showed during the climax of the film. How it smiled despite facing what it thought at the time was oblivion. How it..." He swallowed and blinked harshly a few times. "...it would do anything for... the ones they lub... w-without he... hesi-"

You put a hand on his shoulder, smiling. The man looked back down at you, obviously on the brink of tears as he swallowed and sniffled a bit.

"Heh... I suppose you wouldn't need my analysis, seeing as though that tape of yours was so well-loved."

He had taken note of how the label on the tape wasn't perfectly pristine.

You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes.

"Yeah, well..." You continued to look off to the side. "I like it when things make me feel things."

He softly laughed, a few stray tears finally escaping. He closed his eyes while leaning his head back for a moment.

"Yes, I can tell. You seem to enjoy learning about descriptive words and how specific they can get..."

He trailed off before wiping his tears away, finally looking down at you again.

"Well, speaking of, would you like to... accompany me at my booth for the academy's upcoming fair? It would be nice to teach people more ways to express themselves and how they feel about the things they consume. It is truly saddening to see people keep their opinions to themselves simply because they do not know how to accurately bring their thoughts into the world. And as a self-proclaimed 'word nerd', your area of expertise would be an excellent addition to my own inspiration station, alleviating the frustration they feel and helping them dig up what they feel inside."

You blinked. Hassel, the Hassel wanted to work with you? You thought he was far more articulate than you, often gnawing at what he says in your mind and trying to emulate that vibe in your emails. I mean, you often said "lmao" in real life. Having an interest in words sadly didn't make you a wordsmith of any sort. Did he see something in the way you speak or express yourself that you didn't?

"I'll d-do it."

Woah, how nervous were you? Or, rather, how eager were you?

Hassel's golden eyes shone as he grinned, ecstatic at your 'yes'.

"Ah, do not worry, my dear! You will do amazingly, I just know it."

Looks like you're gonna need to break out the thesaurus.

^^^>

It was the afternoon of the "Treasures Within" fun fair. Hassel's booth was really fun, he'd do his usual demo thing while also personally helping people start their artistic journeys when they didn't quite know where to go after each session. His advice came from a place that personally helped him cope and start his life anew in his past, although he didn't delve into just how it helped, only that he understands the struggle.

As for you, if someone wanted to articulate exactly how they felt about a piece of art or music, you'd hold a "mind unraveling" session, where you picked out certain themes they repeated or tried to go deeper in until they felt confident in describing what it is they feel with words that felt right. You thanked yourself for having the forethought to read up and watch a bunch of impassioned speeches online ahead of time.

It was a month of you hiding your anxiety from Hassel, but you can tell he knew, as he not-so-subtly tended to your every unspoken need, such as making tea whenever you were too busy reading, or having a comfy spot prepared whenever you came to his room to discuss your plans. He would even manage to check in on you more often than usual despite needing to tend to things on his own end.

Nothing could really get past him, could it?

As you were finishing up helping a kid who wanted to express just why he loved a drawing where Regieleki and Xurkitree became friends so much, you turn to see Hassel already looking at you, a familiar fond smile on his face.

"I would say today was a success, no?"

You pause for a split second, although you're not sure why. You respond, however.

"Oh yeah, for sure! I'd say we make a great team, even!"

Now it was Hassel's turn to pause, although his is far more noticeable. Jolting slightly, his mouth suddenly presses together into a tight line as a blush erupts on his face. He pretends to not realize this, although he looks tense.

"I certainly agree, my dear-"

His voice momentarily rises in pitch as he abruptly chokes and doubles over at the end, turning away. It sounded genuine, although you wondered if it'd have happened if you didn't say what you did.

You couldn't help but look back on all his odd behaviors around you lately.

"Um, yes!"

You turn to a vendor.

"I'm..."

You momentarily turn back to the man, pointing over your shoulder to the stand.

"I'm gonna go get some juice. For you, specifically."

You then turn and leave without another word.

^^^>

It was night. The fun fair has long since been cleared out in Mesagoza, but the two of you were nowhere near the town anymore. In fact, you were on top of the lighthouse on Poco Path.

Your eyes were closed, taking in that sea breeze. You cooed softly as you felt the gentle wind cut through the otherwise muggy night. Despite the humidity, it felt nice, reminding you of summer nights as a child.

Your train of thought came to an abrupt halt at this realization, however.

What was the weather like where Hassel used to live?

You opened your eyes, slowly turning toward the man, who also had his own closed. He had a calm smile on his face. You didn't want to ruin it, but you couldn't help but feel bad. He left all that was familiar to him due to circumstances he couldn't control, at the hands of his own family, no less. You wondered if he had any particular places, feelings, or things he missed, but you decided to ask a different question.

"...hey, uh... Hass?"

His smile widened for a split-second before he responded, eyes still closed.

"Yes, my dear?"

You didn't know how to begin.

"Does this weather make you think of anything?"

His smile fell to a neutral frown as he thought.

"Hm. What do you mean?"

How do you ask this question without annoying him...?

"L-like, this weather reminds me of summer break, when I'd open my window past my usual bedtime and stare at the stars. Does this weather make you feel nostalgic in any way? Like, sentimental and peaceful and stuff?"

You look down, stretching the bottom hem of your top a little. "It's just an intense feeling I'm getting, sorry."

He takes a moment to ponder this question.

"Ah, no worries. We often feel the need to relate with others in regards to our intense feelings and emotions. But to answer your question, it does, yes."

This answer both relieved and confused you further. He seemed fine answering, but it was somewhat vague. You decided not to push it, however, just glad he didn't take it the way you thought he might (not that it'd be wrong if he didn't want to answer it at all.)

"Right on, man. Right on..."

You turned away and stared back out into the distance. The silence that swept over the scene felt loose, fluid, running through and around the two of you like some unknown substance.

You weren't sure if you should add anything onto the conversation, but his voice decided what would happen instead.

"I... have a confession to make, actually."

You froze.

"Yeah?"

He took a deep breath.

"That feeling you often speak of, the one where you feel a lightness in your chest and peace wash over you. A peaceful sadness, even, I do not really feel when I think of 'home' anymore. I feel nothing. "

You take his words in. It made sense, really, but it made you sad beyond belief.

He continued.

"Yes, that feeling of longing, a-and belonging, I know it may be hard to truly grasp, but trust me when I say I am fine with my decisions, that I cannot say I regret leaving my old life behind even if I do miss certain aspects of it from time to time. The negatives here far outweigh the positives there."

You nodded. Honestly, this convo was all your mind needed to extinguish your curiosity for a good while. He left home, and he's content with his current life, no matter how much he may miss certain aspects of it. No elaboration needed.

Except, there was some elaboration needed, only it was needed elsewhere.

"Oh! And your confession? Or was that your confession?"

He paused, body tensing as his grip on the handrails tightened. His breathing became slightly labored as a blush creeped onto his face.

"Um, well..."

He mumbled an "Oh dear..." to himself before continuing.

"When I said I have things here that make me feel at home, I meant the connections I've made. I love the people in my life far more than I love my family. I still care for them, yes. I can confidently say I love them, but I cannot say I actually like them."

He wasn't looking at you. Your mind was swimming with possibilities for what he planned on saying next, although you had the faintest idea...

"I... am very fond of you, too. I often find that I feel that peaceful feeling around you in particular."

He swallowed, eyes stinging with tears he tried desperately to blink away. He was holding his composure quite well, actually. You subconsciously held your breath.

"My darling dearest, I cannot hide how I feel for much longer, no matter how hard I try... I think... I believe I am... falling in love with you."

Your mind went blank as you stared up at the man, heart and stomach dropping in an instant. His eyes have closed yet again. His shuddering shoulders and shaky breath gave everything away, however.

He lifted his arm, covering his eyes as you continued to stare wide-eyed at him.

"I am so very sorry, my dear! I-I hobe you do nod feel cornered by my conbession!" He sobbed. "I shall make my leab ib- ib you wish do be aloooone! BWUHH-HU-HU-HU-HUHHHHH!!"

You could barely understand what he was saying. He had already started to walk away when you finally closed your mouth. You weren't even aware you were gaping at him, the confession shutting your senses down despite halfway expecting something along these lines at this point. You guessed actually hearing him say it was different to speculating quietly to yourself...

"W-wait! Mr. Hassel!"

You grabbed his free arm, stopping him from getting any further. His cries continued, however.

"I-I'm sorry! I was just so shocked, I-"

You look down, still processing the feeling of your heart pounding in your chest. You hadn't even realized you were shaking so much until you realized how oddly... weak your grip on his arm felt.

"I-I jus-"

He took a few rapid half-breaths before stopping you.

"You do nod h-hab do gib me a resbonse! Nod now, nod eb-eberrrrr!"

You considered this. Truthfully, the idea of giving dating Hassel a shot didn't seem half-bad. You looked up to him, admired his skill and his strength despite everything he's been through. Not to mention, you admittedly found the man kinda cute. His personality just struck you as so sincere, taking his work and emotions very seriously. He's a very honest man, so he must truly love you. You'd definitely feel secure with him...

"...you're right... about the me needing time thing." You began. "B-but once I sort my feelings out, maybe we can get to know each other some more?"

He was still trembling, breath catching up with him as he hyperventilated. But a few seconds later, while heavily panting, he could respond.

"I-I would lub that!!"

He had turned to you, eyes still closed, head still tilted back, but he grabbed both of your hands and gently brought them up a little closer to himself. As he finally caught his breath and started breathing at a normal pace (aside from the large, shallow breaths he took), he slowly opened his eyes, looking at you, blush ever present on his face. His eyes sparkled with an intensity you'd never seen before as he smiled, the bottoms of his eyes crinkling as he did so. For a split-second, he looked like a young man again...

The two of you stood there, a tranquil feeling coming over you, when you heard him start to whimper. His mouth wobbled for a second before he suddenly started bawling again, causing your eyes to widen. You then let out an odd chuckle.

"Oookay, big guy. C'mere."

You took him into a hug, causing him to cry even louder as he let his overwhelming emotions out.

^^^>

It had been a few weeks. You were thinking back on everything that had happened. The moment you realized 'maybe he feels stronger feelings toward me than I thought.' How he went along with your weird plans despite having better things to do, how he looked out for your well-being by going above and beyond for you and truly understanding your needs, how he always praised and incorporated you into his work...

You absent-mindedly flip through some pages of Occulture Magazine. It really didn't seem too realistic now that you actually had a chance to sit down and read through it, but strangely enough, that wasn't really what you were thinking about right now.

You stand up, putting the book back on the shelf, a smile on your face as you make your way to the art room. He was on break at the moment.

You approach the open door, leaning against it and knocking, catching his attention.

"O-oh! Hello there!" He quickly clears his throat. "I'm very happy to see you! What brings you here?"

You look around, making sure nobody was there to hear this.

"Hoooow about... we go see a movie this Saturday?"

^^^>

A/N

I KNOW THIS STORY IS A LITTLE ODD! Like, he seems to be madly in love with you already, to an obvious degree, but this is the first time you take note of anything, right? Well, it's one of those "Oh yeah, there were signs" sorta situations. The pottery night you had with him was a small hint that he was already looking out for your well-being well before this and giving you special attention, but you just didn't think much of it. Plus, he's quite emotional, you imagine that once he finds a friend he feels safe around, his even more complex feelings come out. Which, true, but also HE DOES STUFF AROUND YOU THAT HE ONLY DOES AROUND YOU BUT YOU DON'T NOTICE CAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY CHANGES HIS BEHAVIOR ONCE HE REALIZES YOU'RE NEARBY. You defo noticed that behavior change, but again, he changes a bit around close friends already, and you didn't really have a point of reference for what his "normal" is (yet)

Sorry, I just love the pining dude genre, gimme some more oblivious love interests for male characters, please! Your gender still isn't stated, I just wanted Hassel to be the one to be super soft and like "Yes please notice me" while you're like "Huh. Cool. He just asked to take me to a new café. So anyway, how about some more weirdly specific words?" IT'S SUPER CUTE AHH

Also, speaking of, the story was gonna have them going to a café instead of a walk, and him talking about some beautiful customs and traditions from around the world and bringing up the Applin thing as a super duper totally subtle hint at his feelings, but you'd genuinely not know of that tradition before, so you'd just see it as a neat little cultural tidbit, but then I was like "bruh they just had tea", so I changed it to them spending time together like kids cause I thought it'd be cute if you got through to him to get him to experience things from a childhood he couldn't enjoy (even if it is more based on your own childhood, you're trying! Consider the night they shared here a test run). No worries, in future installments, reader will begin to fully understand what he went through growing up (I tried to make their questions less about his family and more about his life in general, but of course, the two are forever linked.) The idea of the little fair came randomly, based on the fact that all the gym leaders seem to have some career where they express themselves (even Larry with his "normal old job(s)," although obviously it's all more complicated than that), plus the entire game has frequent themes of people finding where they fit in life, what they wanna do, their dreams/goals, things like that. It's pretty interesting, actually, I can't articulate myself well tho so RIP I guess

ALSO ALSO not gonna edit this one cause the Tumblr app COULD NOT HANDLE IT LAST TIME so yeah

OH YEAH I HAVEN'T SEEN THE IRON GIANT IN 66 MILLION YEARS SO SORRY, I JUST TOOK WHAT I REMEMBERED AND POKÉ-FIED IT, I'm just going to use the excuse that the legends of the Ultra Beasts go WAY back, so the Celesteela in the movie may look simplified by comparison due to them not having a complete picture of it compared to the characters in S/US/M/UM. The movie doesn't even say its name, simply referring to it as the Steel Ultra Beast because nobody knew their names yet

#elite four hassel #hassel x reader #pokemon scarlet and violet #spoilers #gender neutral reader #open ended (romantic)

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freedomfireflies · 3 months

Note

hi , ‘s me 📚

Normally I don’t indulge in saying something like this, but you’re so silly for thinking people wouldn’t love part two of the infinite-verse (is that a thing?)... anyway, almost got distracted and forgot my point but… Um… I told you so. Respectfully. Affectionately. I told you so.

I am reeeeeeeeling for his possessiveness. Like obviously there’s always a flattering aspect with possessiveness but the way you write it, for him, is sooooo hot. Like there’s something special about it. Idk. I can’t tell if it’s because I wouldn’t expect it from him, because of the open relationship aspect, or because he’s…. I have no idea. But the way you write it for him specifically is soooo yummy. So hot. Loved that.

What’s crazy is that after the first part, I was kind of nervous to see how a full story of them would play out. Because something like this you’d inevitably expect to be messy and painful and someone always ends up hurt and the idea of that stresses me out. Because Rebecca doesn’t deserve that. And ruined friendships? All of that scares me. It becomes too real. Emotional pain and disharmony can be overwhelming (especially when the writer is so good and it gets you emotionally attached to characters). You know what I mean? But after reading Insatiable You and the anons and their ideas and your responses, it seems a little less scary. Like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. And I always think it’s funny when you see something come to life that seemed like it wasn’t possible. Like oh, I guess… I guess there is a way out that maybe wouldn’t be so awful… You know? If that made any sense. (it’s probably an unpopular opinion, because I know people love angst, but I feel like I have enough emotional turmoil in my personal life LMAO)

Yes please to all of these:

Harry's jealousy doesn't really come out with Rebecca anymore...but with Kitty? 😗 New fear: unlocked and I kind of want to see him lose it hAHHA

I'm thinking maybe if they go rougher, she could slip into her subspace and we'd see how he reacts!! Which also would make it harder for him to leave 😗 and he'd maybe realize how much he actually cares for her 😗😗 THOUGHTS ARE BEING THUNK!

AGREED!! Also bye HAHAH I literally love the idea of him actually being so confused?? Like this was just sex?? Why do I want to rip this guy's fucking teeth out?? CONFUSION??

Maybe even Rebecca having to be the one to say, "My dude.............why do you think?" SLFJSDF

Maybe a double date with Harry and Rebecca 😗 I feel like that would be wildly hilarious asfjsdf just them sitting at the same table, both getting jealous while their partners are completely obvious HAHAH

As for part two thoughts... Just gonna give you a zillion clips of pieces I loved.

d i a l o g u e pops

He slaps your clit. Hard. “Beg me,” he repeats. “Fucking beg me, baby. Beg me to touch you. Beg me to stretch you. Beg me to fuck this cute little hole until you’re coming all down my hand.” -

“Have you been going around, trying to give away what’s mine?” 😵‍💫

He grins a bit wider and it makes your chest swell. “Is that right, Kitten?” 😵‍💫

“Don’t care,” you vaguely hear him murmur before he’s nipping at your clit again. “Again.” - what the shit. Whoa. yeah. Okay. whoa. 🫣

This is what you wanted, isn’t it? 😵‍💫

Then, the book is suddenly snatched from your hand and chucked across the room before he kisses you harder. He growls, “Enough. You don’t come for him anymore. You fucking come for me. Is that understood?” 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

“You are not to pick up that goddamn book as long as you’re mine, do you hear me? You will not touch yourself to another man’s words or soak these fucking sheets for anybody else but me.” 🫨

“Huh? I don’t fucking care who wrote it. It is no longer yours to read. Tell me you understand.” 🫨

“I know,” he says gently. He’s watching you again. Curious to your reaction and seemingly enthralled by your response. Happy. Content. “I know, baby. S’good, yeah?” 🥺😖

You feel him nuzzle his cheek against your head. “Shh,” he coos, and rubs his other hand up and down your spine soothingly. “You’re okay. You’re gonna take it, aren’t you? Gonna give me another—” 😵‍💫

“You’re okay,” he repeats firmly. “You’re fine. I know you can take me, so take me. Just like you took your little fingers before I got here. You come for me the way you came for him. Okay?” 😵‍💫

You let out a relieved sigh that makes him smirk and you adore his smugness. More than you should. - Relatable. Deeply relatable.

You feel him smile against your throat. 😵‍💫

Then, he dips down, and nuzzles his nose against yours. “You’re too good to me,” he exhales. It sounds heavy. Scared. Sweet. “I don’t deserve you, Kitten. I hope you know that.” - Wanna know why baby boy doesn’t feel like he deserves her:( he’s so giving:(

All the smacking, the clit, the thigh, the spanking 🫨

Grits his teeth and fists your skin until he’s completely bottomed out. And then…he kisses you.

Long and slow and it almost feels grateful. Like he’s thanking you for letting him inside and you sigh against his mouth.

🫠

You like to think he’d laugh if it were any other time. Today, however, he merely yanks himself out of your pussy and flips you around. - so cheeky of her, love this character development.

He slows his thrusts. “Are you thinking again?” he asks gently. “Did I lose you to those ugly thoughts?”

You could almost cry from the way he notices. The way he cares. Still, you force a brave face. “No, sorry. Just feels really good.”

He’s unconvinced. “Kitten—”

😖🥺💔

You feel your eyes grow larger while your head nods all on its accord. And he grins when he sees how mesmerized you are

🥹

Kissing and licking your tits while his palm flattens against your spine to keep you on his tongue. 🫠

He smiles and takes your hand. “Right here,” he murmurs, as though anticipating your wonder. He presses your palm flat against your stomach before nudging himself up into you and— - precious omg tender omg 😭

You surge forward and kiss him. Taking your hand away only so you can drag it down his chest and claw at his heart as though desperate to reach inside and take hold. To keep it. Forever. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

there’s something so incredibly wonderful about knowing he’s equally as possessed as you are. 🥹

He seems to realize he’s the first man to do something so intimate with you and he likes this idea.

Yet your tears and meek reaction only entertain him further. He grins wickedly as he rolls you faster, taking your nipple in his mouth before looking up. “What’s the matter, baby, hm? S’it hurt?” 🥵😵‍💫🫨🫠

But you can’t help the whine that slips out when you see those delicious pearlescent drops go to waste and you squirm when you realize how much you’re really losing.You’ve never been one to care about keeping it inside. In fact, you’ve never really cared about it at all. But now…it feels like you’re losing him. You’re losing this experience by letting it drip down and disappear, and you nearly start to cry.

He takes hold of your cheek and gently sweeps his thumb across the soaked, warm skin of your face. “Baby,” he breathes. “What’s wrong?”

You swallow thickly and attempt to relax. You don't imagine he'd understand. “Nothing, sorry.”

His head tilts but he’s still smiling. “Then why are you clenching me so hard? What’s wrong? Are you in pain, does it hurt?”

“No. No,” you assure him quickly. “No, I just…I don’t know. Feels like…a waste, I guess.”

He’s confused until you look down and the moment he realizes, he laughs again. “Oh, you sweet fucking girl—” He tugs you in for another kiss and now your body is numb, too. “God, I really don’t fucking deserve you.”

You whimper against his tongue and he sighs.

“I’ll give you more, don’t worry,” he says before kissing down your throat. “Next time. I promise. But right now, I wanna clean you up and make sure you’re all right.”

O b s e s s e d with this entire thing. Her not caring? Her getting sad about it? And she feels so fragile and sentimental? And then she tells him and he laughs because he’s flattered and adores her?

“Yeah. Because I know my partner trusts me to take care of them even if I’m being harsh. And there’s something powerful in that, I guess. That their pain and their pleasure belongs to me.” - he’s perfect 🥺

He laughs. “Was I mean, Kitten?” - i love him 😫

He hums before he looks toward the discarded novel on the other side of the room. “Yeah, well…fuck that book. I mean it.”

“Yeah. I just picked an easy one since I didn’t want you to get too jealous.”

“Is that right?”

“Yup. Although that clearly didn’t work very well.”

You feel him land a firm smack to your ass that makes you squeal before you settle again.

“Watch it,” he warns. “Or I’ll pull you over my lap right now.”

You grin. “Maybe you should.”

🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

The final dialogue about Rebecca is so real but in such a soothing way. Everything he does is so soothing. Like I genuinely never stop worrying but he’s just so… disarming. And I think I’d be shit at sharing too but I actually can see how maybe she’s holding onto what she can get from him because he is so soothing and so perfect and his words are just. You’re brilliant for this. And Kitten is so real and raw for her words.

I adore you more than WORDS!!!!!!! You have absolutely no idea how much this meant to me, especially the fact that you took the time to say all this!!! I appreciate you endlessly and will never be able to express it enough 😭💞💞💞 THANK YOU AGAIN for always talking to me and being so sweet!!!

#📚 anon

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dootiexcupcake · 1 year

Text

Final Round

First part

Second part

Pairing: Seungcheol x reader

Warnings: angst , toxic friendships , no happy ending

Tags: angst, Jeonghan comes back :D

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: this was a request for @enhacolor ! Also the final installment for this angst series :((. i dont wanna exhaust it and end up hating it so im capping it off here.

.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.

Two weeks. It took two weeks for you and Seungcheol to get to where you guys are right now.

Last week when you called him he finally decided to pick up and the conversation was…strained to say the least. But you kept your hopes up and had Jeonghans reassuring words playing in your head to stop you from crying on the phone with Seungcheol as he gave you curt answers to your questions.

That didn’t stop you from sobbing as soon as you hung up though.

But today is a new day, right? After your phone call with him you guys agreed to meet up at your place to talk things over officially. So that’s a good start.

You’re pacing back and forth in your living room when you hear a knock at the door.

You open the door and give Cheol a warm smile and he returns it with a tight smile. You both wordlessly make your way over to the living room and sit next to each other on the couch, giving the other ample amount of space to not cause any discomfort that could lead to another dispute.

“So,” you start “how are things?” This all feels so strange. You guys have known each other long enough to not have these sort of awkward conversations anymore.

Why am I making it so weird?

“Everything is fine.” He affirmed. It was the first word he’s spoken to you since he walked in. First time in weeks since you’ve heard his voice in person.

God…you really missed him.

“But..we should definitely talk about what happened.” His posture straightens as he starts to get more serious, finally looking at you instead of the carpet.

“Yeah. Do you wanna start?”

“No, I wanna hear you first. I didn’t hear you out last time so….I’m gonna do that now.” His tone was uncharacteristically soft, like he was trying his hardest not to upset you. It confused you but you dismissed it as him just trying to be nice.

“Oh uh well..I-I’m just hurt by what you said, you know? I mean, I understand that you have been dealing with a lot at work too! I didn’t mean to stress you out even more.” Hearing the tone of your own voice come off so small makes you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head, mentally kicking yourself for being so unsure of everything single thing you say and do. You hate to say it but, it sounds so… childish.

‘I definitely could have worded that to sound less…pitiful.’

“No you’re right.” Seungcheol replies, he rest a hand on your shoulder to dissipate the stress building up within you. A gesture you are familiar with from him, but today it feels so very different. So foreign.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted. It was uncalled for and rude. You’re my friend and I shouldn’t ever treat you like that.” He graciously apologizes. You’re taken aback by his words, it’s not like he’s never apologized before. But the way he worded it so unnatural, his flat tone of voice, the way he was looking in your direction but never directly at you. It felt strange.

The atmosphere in the room is indescribable. You desperately want to assume Seungcheol is just acting weird because of how things went last time. It was a tense argument. One that neither of you have had with each other before. Obviously the aftershocks of it would put anyone on edge for a while.

However the other part of you feels some dishonesty emanating off of him. Why Seungcheol would supposedly lie about his apology doesn’t make sense to you. But that doesn’t ease the nagging voice in the back of your head insisting that is the truth.

“I wanna apologize to you too. When I called you cold and..distant. it really wasn’t ok for me to just come after you like that.” You look at him, you’re genuinely apologetic and you hope he can see it on you face. Seungcheol looks away from you momentarily, you see his face tense but it happens so quickly you can’t pin point exactly what emotion he expressed. He looks back at you and shrugs his shoulders and lazily shakes his head.

“I forgive you. I would have said the same thing if I was in your place.” He says, another tight smile brandishing his face.

You know Seungcheol well enough to see right through that blatant lie. This man is bold and he will always tell it like it is. You were holding back when you said that to him. He, respectfully, would not have. Instead, he would have straight up asked why you were avoiding him.

“Look, this whole situation was really messy. We’re both sorry and that’s all that matters, right?” He says matter of factly.

“I guess..”

“Right! So, let’s just put this all behind us and move on. I really missed you, you know.” Seungcheols shoulders relax and his face softens. It all looks so natural, unlike everything else he’s been doing this whole time. You furrow you eyebrows at him wondering why he was being so hasty with this conversation. “How about we meet up next week and get some lunch? Just try and get back into the swing of things so everything can get back to normal.” He suddenly proposes.

“Um yeah, I-i’ll let you know if I’m free.”

“Great!” Seunghceol practically leaps out of the couch and heads to the doorway. “See you around!”

And he’s gone.

Everything is back to normal now…

“Tell me everything he said.” Jeonghan urged on the other side of the phone. Audibly just as perplexed as you are with this whole ordeal. So you tell him everything.

You tell him how fast the conversation went by, how weird Seungcheol was acting the whole time, how dismissive he was.

“God this dude…” Jeonghan mumbled angrily, “I’m so sorry that he messed all of this up for you. That is so not ok.”

Messed this up?

“What do you mean by that Hannie?” You ask after a brief pause.

“Well, I mean by him messing things up between you guys, you know?” He said quickly. You can’t see it but by the tone of his voice, you know for a fact that he’s toying with the hem of his shirt. He always did that when he gets anxious.

“Jeonghan…” you say slowly, voice dropping dangerously low as you try to pull whatever it is he’s hiding out of him.

The line goes silent for a while.

Until he finally speaks up.

“I talked to him.”

Why did that not surprise you?

“He didn’t like you being upset at him for so long so he called me and asked me for advice on what to say to make you…get over it. That’s what he said at least. I’m not saying that you need to ‘get over it’ though!” He stammered over his words, desperately trying to justify himself. After a while of you not responding he lets out a sigh, “He’s been busy, real busy! You know that. He’s not thinking straight is all. Deep down he really does mean his apology its just..not showing yet.”

You let his words wash over you like a thunderstorm.

Too busy to properly apologize? Not thinking straight enough to care? So caught up in his work he had his buddy feed him lines to read off?

huh.

“I gotta go.” Is all you gave as a reply. Too numb to truly tell Jeonghan how much this hurt you. Too emotionally overdrawn to explain how stupid this all makes you feel.

So stupid for forgetting the fact that Jeonghan has known Seungcheol longer than you. So stupid for thinking that you were special enough to ever be accepted in their friend group.

Jeonghan speaks up again for the last time, cutting you out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry.”

main m.list

svt m.list

#seungcheol angst #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol x you #seungcheol x y/n #seungcheol x gn reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen angst #seventeen x y/n #seventeen x you #seventeen x reader #seventeen x gn reader #svt x reader #svt x y/n #svt x you

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froggymarsh · 1 year

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Thinking about littles during double life. The idea that you can feel your soulmate’s feelings through the bond but that translates during regression as well. If one soulmate is regressed the other one starts to regress as well. Makes for many tiny ones but also conversations with a lot of people and cgs who have never regressed before who suddenly feel regressed. Idk I think I am not explaining it well but it is in my brain

nodnodnodnodnodnodnodnod

For Jimmy and Tango, it’s something familiar to bond over. After the initial explosion they’re scrambled and panicking- Tango is small, Jimmy’s freaking out, but through the soul link there’s a familiar sort of fuzz- Jimmy realizes he’s felt this before, and jumps right into Caregiver mode. “Hey bud, breathe for me,” he takes his hands and gives a light squeeze, “in and out, it’s okay.” - it’s something to bond over, something less terrifying than a shell of a heartbeat around their own. Jimmy likes knowing that Tango is happy, regressing because he’s comfortable. Jimmy likes knowing that he’s wanted, that he’s doing something right. Tango likes it because for once he can actually know for a fact how small his buddy is- he feels more comfortable caregiving for someone when he can kinda sorta feel what they need.

when Tango was getting the Warden there was a lot of back and forth of big and little- they were mildly stressing each other out and making each other regress because Tango is. u know. doing something terrifying and Jimmy is trying to cover for him. Lots of excitement there skskdjfjf

Martyn and Cleo feel Caregiver urges- Martyn likes to run around and tease all of the regressors when they’re little (grian and timmy especially), and Cleo is taking care of a mildly distressed little Scott pretty often. they can feel the energy of the other- Cleo becomes a little more playful with Martyn’s influence, Martyn learns how to be more soothing and soft. They ignore the swell of protectiveness that comes from the other that washes through the link when one of them regresses.

Scott and Pearl on and off vent regress- mostly because of Pearl. Any time she’s alone, without people or without Tilly, she’ll get lost in her own head and think she’s unloved- she’ll regress and cry because nobody wanted her- nobody wanted to be her soulmate. Scott can feel it, and that doubled with his guilt has him regressing. It’s a dangerous loop they’ve caught themselves in. Cleo does her best to help Scott feel better- having Tilly helps Pearl a lot.

Etho and Joel are. Ough. Joel tends to regress more when he’s around other people- his friends are safe and fun so he tends to go little brain almost every time they hang out. When Etho’s there, he’s basically got a permanent playmate/babysitter. He’s having the time of his life!! He takes nothing seriously and runs everywhere and he’s regressed and having so much fun. This translates down their link to Etho, who is usually so introverted about his regression. He doesn’t talk about it like ever and only regresses around maybe 4 people, so when Joel’s a little manic and having so much fun being little, it makes Etho want a part of that. He regresses for fun for almost the first time ever and it’s the best thing he’s ever done.

Grian and Scar are uh. Well. They did this back in Third Life, didn’t they? They kept an eye on each other whenever one or the other would go small, learned every trigger both safe and not, learned what bedtime voices were favorites, took turns playing prince on Pizza the llama- but this time they’re holding each other at an arm’s length. Neither are jazzed about being soulmates after Last Life, so it’s a little clipped and colder than the first time around.

It’s torture to feel each other’s emotions.

Grian’s poker face means nothing when Scar can feel how much he’s freaking out, how desperately he wants to be small, to be held, for someone to preen his wings, to be safe, to be safe, to be safe-

Scar’s confidence means nothing when Grian can feel the unsurety- the anxiety, every time someone draws a sword Scar inwardly shrinks in on himself, despite his calm, cool, collected appearance.

They’re terrified and desperate for comfort. And both of them are ignoring it.

BigB learns about puppy regression because of Ren and he LOVES it

i have no thoughts about impulse and bdubs skskdjf

#I almost forgot BigB and Ren skskdjfjf #I counted and there was 6 and I just sat there like. who am I missing. there’s one more Who Is It #then. the puppies. baby boys <3 <3 #lemme know if I forgot someone else I’d cry #sorry this took a second!!#mcyt agere #life series agere

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pessimistic-twat · 23 days

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haven't posted in a very long time so here we go - me and my mum's relationship is still very turbulent but since december we've been sort of neutral with each other - not talking too much but when we so talk it's just joking around. in december we had a very bad argument but in the end it was all sorted. i'm turning 18 in a few months and i am both sad and happy; sad because i'm disappointing 12 year old me who decided that by 16 i'll be dead, and happy because it's sort of exciting? like i can't wait to legally drink and buy cigarettes. also, it's gonna be the last age i spend mostly in my family's house as after a-levels im moving out for uni (if i get in) so things should start looking up. i have the urge to kill myself daily but the thought of moving out being so close is keeping me from doing so.

i've mentioned my (now ex) girlfriend on here before. we broke up in december. well, i broke up with her. she ignored me after 2 months of our relationship and our concersations got less and less so i decided to break things off. i still miss her a lot sometimes but it's definitely been getting easier and easier to not be sad over it. i think that relationship was karma for breaking up with my boyfriend i dated before my girlfriend so that means my next relationship should be all good, right? i hope so lol

as of school, i am doing criminology, psychology, and english lit+lang a level. criminology is the easiest subject i've ever done and i love it, i love psychology but it's a lot of hard work, and i am completely useless at english (why the fuck did i pick english) so god knows if i'll get into university with my predicted D but one can hope, right? I had a massive slope from the bevinning of the academic year to a few weeks ago where i felt so drained and stressed and all of that, but my mind is starting to clear up so hopefully i can start doing my homework and boost up my english grade

that was my life update for anyone who cares, which is probably no one, but it's good for the soul to talk about their problems online, right?

#mommy issues #i hate my family #mental health #school #relationship

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branches-in-a-flood · 26 days

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This is gonna be a small novel to organize some of my personal life thoughts. By no means is anyone expected to read this, I'm just posting to the interactive diary here.

I have allowed things to continue to deteriorate with partner one. It's been almost like an acute on chronic injury. It’'s been less than it was for years, but I had accepted it and was operating like it was what I wanted for the most part. It was what I wanted for a long time. I was so wrapped up in my career that I didn't have time or energy to do more typical romantic relationship things. We saw each other every few weeks and it was. It was fine. It wasn't enough at first but I sucked it up and became perfect for my life.

Work and mental illness and chronic illness all became too much for me last summer. Relationship (rightfully) pushed back as I focused on surviving. Partner was supportive, gave me as much space as I needed. I thought space was what I needed. We talked less and less. We rarely saw each other. I tried to be happy with that, and I was sure I was. I'm not social after all, and if I wasn't sick then I was too depressed to be good company. A few times I broke my own rules and asked for them to come over. Most of the time they couldn't. Other plans. With other partners. Also having a day of no spoons. (Though they did come over sometimes. It didn't seem to help much, and I didn't put my finger on why. Possibly still haven't.)

I left my old job. Couldn't handle the work load and stress anymore. I also started therapy. Slowly, over months, realized that I do want more of the stereotypical romantic relationship things. Or at the very least to see partner one more than monthly. They agreed that we need to see each other more. We talked about doing more kink scenes. Kink was actually one of the things that brought us together years and years ago, and it had fallen out of our relationship. In the past five months we have done one scene. It frustrates me beyond words. I have never felt so safe with a partner; a partner who seems to not want to do anything with me anymore.

I started drawing away, unconsciously at first. I talked to my therapist about how I was feeling - surely I'm being dramatic and stupid. But they encouraged me to, obviously, talk to my partner about it. I had. I did again. Partner stated that they still feel we have a romantic attraction, though it fluctuates because we are both neurodivergent adults with full time careers. And I can't fault that answer. I can't argue with it. I told them I needed time to decide if I wanted more or less. (Despite having already asked for more. Having more agreed to. And receiving less.) They said they’re happy for me to figure it out either way.

Talked about this with the therapist. Therapist assassinated me by asking if I wished my partner had put up a fight instead of being passive and accepting of what I was saying. Explained that I don't want to be with someone who wants to leave, and my partner is very similar. Neither of us want to make anyone feel compelled to stay. But there's always that fantasy of the undying love that you'll fight for, even if it's only a fantasy. Reality is not as heroic. Through our session realized that I am more ok with letting the relationship go than I am with fighting for it again. I tend to only ask for things twice before moving on, and I had asked for more time and attention several times.

The week after that session I stopped messaging my partner first. Just to see what would happen. I know it's an immature game, but I was curious. Several days would pass between us communicating. In my head we’re already done. I was no longer spending my time anxiously awaiting a response to whatever message I had sent. (One of the things that put more weight on the “give up" side was when I sent a several page analysis and ramble of Fall For Me that was left on read. Zero acknowledgement at all.) So I stopped caring. Then stopped sending messages that weren't simply daily updates on work or good morning texts.

So if my mind is made up, why can I not talk to them about it?

We've been together for the better part of a decade. We started dating when I was still with my abusive ex. Partner one was pivotal in getting me to see the situation and leave. They gave me a place to stay between semesters when I was otherwise without a roof. They helped me deeply explore BDSM in a safe environment. They helped me heal from previous trauma. They have given me so much more than I have given them.

And I want to leave.

It doesn't feel fair to them. But I don't feel anything anymore, and that isn't fair either.

I know it will be a calm, well-reasoned discussion. I know he’ll handle it well when we talk. But I still panic when I think about it. I don't want to hurt them, but that's obviously going to happen. I feel like I'm going to get into trouble when the conversation happens, which is such a. Such an unfounded and juvenile thought?

(But I also thought the last two people I broke up with would take it reasonably. In one case a knife and the sheriff became involved. In the other I was cornered and demanded to pay money I didn't have and had not borrowed. So I'm sure at least a little of the issue lies there.)

Each day that goes by without at least telling them that I want to talk is adding so much stress and guilt that I have the whole thing built up to more than it is. But what do I say? How can I tell someone who has been so caring and kind and has taken such good care of me, that I just don't feel love for them anymore? I do still love them deeply. Academically. Platonically. But not in a way that would sustain this relationship. And they don't deserve that.

#screaming into the void #relationship stuff #related to the 'i need an adult' post from yesterday #self indulgent whining?

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farceargon · 4 months

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my love my dear <3 blows u a kiss. 1, 20 and 30 for the asks :-3?

HIII MWAH!! I push you down the stairs beloved!!!

1 . what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Oh you had to pick the hard one huh. | I really have no idea about what shaped me... I suppose that dinosaurs did? Classic kid thing to start fixations with, those things consumed my childhood and I still love them. It's thanks to them that I branched into drawing dragons, then got to where I am. Casual eldritch/biology enjoyer. Games for sure, 100%. Honestly I think my neighbour falls into this place too. He was the younger brother but I got on way better with him. I'd say we were almost best friends, we'd spend majority of our afternoons throughout all his primary school years (+2 of my high school years) playing Skylanders together and talking about Pokemon. We saw each other almost daily!! I don't know where he is now or how he's doing, but I hope he's doing great out there. He was a good kid, I wouldn't want anything else for him and for how much he helped me become who I am today. I hope he knows how much he still means to me after all this time.

Music. I think would have to be the last thing I can think of. My music taste has changed so much since the start of high school but regardless it was my crutch. My silence was always filled with music if I could help it. On the bus, in the car, at home. It's still the same now too. Music stops me from overthinking and fearing and I always tend to tear up at random moments listening to random songs. I would and do always daydream to it and it powered/powers my thoughts like nothing else. Music kept my creativity alive, especially when I developed some intense anxiety/depression during early years of high school. For that I owe it everything.

20. favourite things about the night?

Oh yes an easy question, PHEW. It's dark, quiet, peaceful, nice on the eyes and generally peak hours 'cause everyone's asleep. Nothing is nicer than having a window open to the darkness outside, hearing the wind blow a cool breeze by. Orange streetlights over the road or Christmas decorations in the dark. Nothing quite as hypnotizing as driving at night and seeing the lights go by in spotty patterns. During the day people are active and about, supposed to be awake and full of energy. I'm a very chill, tired person most of the time and the night is so much less stressful to me. It's down time for everyone and that means I can vibe at my most comfortable. Did I mention it's dark? Light hurts my eyes </3 That's also why I love cloudy af days.

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

Cat. My cat. Idk how you're supposed to not feel happy when you're near a little, fluffy creature that loves you. Easy mood booster.

Hough... This one ended up a little more than I meant. Actually I think both asks did, my bad dfgnjdfh

Thank you for asking though!

#eldritch squeaking #ask game #why am i dumping shit about myself here? uuuh #my blog my rules ig #i am being made to think about things i did not ever think id have to think about

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onebizarrekai · 1 year

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some ibvs-related stuff

you probably noticed that it's been quite some time since ibvs updated (like. eight months) and while ibvs tends to have pretty large time gaps between updates, this one has been particularly long. it's been more of an unannounced and uncoordinated break, to be honest. I was hoping that I could at least update it before the end of the year. I still kind of want to do that—maybe it'll be easier after my next concert is over in the next few days—but yeah, it has been a long time.

I've been having a really hard time creating stuff lately. sure, I've cranked out a few dsmp pieces, I made a lot of danganronpa art and writing this year before I did that, but I mean like, in the last while. maybe the last 6 months or so. I don't even know how I posted anything in august. like, yes, my ao3 says I cranked some danganronpa stuff out in august, but I don't… really remember writing anything in august. I barely remember what I was doing in august. I guess they were like, partially completed wips already so all I had to do was get them done. I dunno.

I finished one fairly long-ish fic in the last month. I uh, had to post it anonymously for reasons, and I'm proud of what I wrote, but that's pretty much all I've been able to get done done. I guess this is part of the problem? not really ever feeling done with stuff. or maybe forgetting how much I've achieved and only being able to focus on the stuff I haven't been able to. and I have all these ideas for this same fandom and I'm struggling to get those done too. and like, my v3 fic series is just kinda collecting dust because I haven't been thinking about danganronpa in the last few months. that's just how it is, I suppose.

I've also just had like, the worst writer's block ever for ibvs and I'm just shoveling around in fandoms (and often misery) trying to stave off stress. I keep looking back at it and going "am I happy with this" and like, I am. I should be. I'm pretty happy with it, but the longer I go unable to write it the more I feel like I'm just adding things to the story that aren't gonna matter to anyone even though… it is that. it is the story. I'm writing it for fun. it doesn't have to be perfect. it has to start somewhere, but every time I try to write it it feels like I'm off in the deep end. I have to remember everything. I have to backtrack and make sure I know what I'm talking about. I have to make sure that I don't write anything that, well… is boring as hell.

I've been getting caught in a lot of negative thinking and I'm both trying to focus on mental health while also feeling like the things I'm doing on behalf of 'focusing on mental health' are actually either sustaining the problem or making it worse. like it's making me feel more lethargic and more trapped and less able to create things. I'm trying to get a therapist, but no insurance-covered psychologist who lives in near me is willing to do in-person sessions. one of my issues is feeling like I'm stuck at my computer and stuck online and stuck inside where everything is nonpermanent and I can't move; doing online counseling would make things worse. I don't really get it. I'm hoping I get a proper one soon.

anyway… we'll see if I feel better after the concert is over. maybe after I actually manage to get a therapist. thanks for the patience, everyone.

#random stuff #just like. mental health or the lack thereof stuff #I've been doing show stuff basically nonstop since like. june #got a break in november #but is it really a break if I still have a gig in december

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hotchnerxo · 2 years

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The chances you take: Chapter 15

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x single mom!reader

Summary: You've barely had a chance to see Hotch after the new years eve. But you've planned on talking with him after all the annual paperwork is done. Although, more important manners rise up.

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: A case involving a dissapearance of a child (does not and will not include violence of any kind), angst with hurt/comfort.

A/N: Because I can't let things get too happy ( yet ).

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Chapter 15: Doubts

Ever since the event, you haven’t been sure what to think. You’re really not sure if you’re ready to date yet. Adjusting to a new rhythm with Ella has taken its toll on both of you; not knowing when you’re going to be gone for a few hours and when it’s going to be days on end. Every moment you’re off the clock, you’re at home with your daughter or sleeping. Is there any room there for him? And Jack? And it’s not like he has a lot more free time anyway. His schedule is even more hectic than yours. Would trying this out only be a recipe for another heartbreak and therefore even cause problems for your friendship as well as your ability to work with him.

But on the other hand, it’s him. He’s such a wonderful guy and he understands the limitations the work might bring. He’s also a parent and the kids get along great. He’s so sweet and he’s not one to scare away easily by any baggage you have. Would there be hope for you? Or is it insane to even entertain yourself with the idea of you and him together?

What’s even more frustrating is the fact that you’ve barely seen him all week at work. And there’s so much to do. Apparently it’s the same every first couple of weeks after new years. Every report and casefile needs to be perfected and evaluated from the previous year. And as this is your first year of doing this, it’s taking you forever.

But it’s not his fault, he’s barely spent five minutes in his office, when he is already needed somewhere by someone. And you’ve texted with him a couple of times about wanting to talk about everything face to face at the end of the week. It’s certainly a conversation the both of you prefer to have in person rather than through text.

It’s just annoying not having him around. And when you find yourself thinking that more and more; you know your feelings are much deeper than you at first thought. You like seeing him when he’s working inside his office and at times when he comes down for more coffee, the way he mindlessly nos down the stairs is somehow adorable. Or when he comes back from a meeting, he looks over towards his team and you see him smile softly as your eyes meet with him.

But today, he’s been too stressed to even think about anything else but the next thing on his to do list.

Your mind wanders to him throughout the day, like it has all week. A loud ring from your work phone next to you drags you back to the moment.

“Agent (Y/L/N)” you answer the phone, trying to sound less tired than you feel.

“Hey (Y/N), it’s me” it takes you embarrassingly long for you to realize it’s your mother on the other end of the line. “Is El with you?”

“What?” The mention of your daughter makes everything else in your head quiet down. “No. Why?”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I su- Yes I am sure mom” you hear panic in your voice before you realize the feeling in your body. Agents near you have turned to look at you due to a sudden volume change. “What’s going on?”

“(Y/N)” she starts quietly but you can tell her voice is starting to shake “I’m at the daycare. She’s not here anymore”.

You’re glad to be sitting down as you are starting to realize what she means by that. “How is that possible? Only you, dad or me are allowed to pick her up. And she wouldn’t go with anyone else, would she?” you ask, not sure if it was directed more to your mom or yourself, trying to get a grasp of the situation as quickly as possible.

As your mom goes to explain, you’ve already put the phone on speaker and found Hotchner from your contacts. Despite the shaking of your hands, you type up a message ‘Call me, asap’.

“Mom, I need you to stay there. I’ll have someone come over there as soon as possible” you tell her and turn to look towards Morgan and Jennifer who have come to stand beside you, waiting for an order. You grab a post it note and write down the address for the day care: thank god you’ve memorized it from your countless trips there. You’re not sure if your handwriting is readable, but it’ll do and as you hand it over, the agents nod and are already on their way.

You’ve never been as relieved to see Hotchner’s name pop up on your screen as an upcoming call as you are right now. “Morgan and Jareau are going to be there soon, they will have badges. Only speak to them. I have to go” you don’t wait for her to respond before switching calls. “Where are you?” you ask him immediately, there’s no time for greetings.

A bit baffled by your tone, he responds dryly “Middle of a meeting. What’s wrong?”

“Ella’s missing” Once you word it out like that, you are starting to realize that this is actually happening. Your little girl is missing; someone else picked her from daycare and she might be in danger.

The two seconds you wait for him to answer have never felt so long. “I’ll be right there” he says and hangs up the phone.

Spencer’s stayed next to you until this point. He’s not sure what to do or say, but to be there with you and wait for Hotch to get here. You look at him, desperation written all over you and he looks just as helpless as you feel. Without saying a word, you step back and soon find yourself running towards Hotch’s still empty office. Your thoughts are clouded, nothing seems to make sense at this stage of panic. All you can think about is getting to his office because he will know what to do.

Once you enter the office, you’re greeted with silence. It’s in neat order, as it always is, but for some reason the order makes you even more on edge. Your mind feels full and cluttered, control is not a word you know right now. And as inviting the couch seems, your nerves don’t let you sit down and all you can do is pace back and forth.

“Hey” you hear his voice before he even enters the office. His breath was quicker than usual, he rushed to you as fast as he could; a budget meeting could wait. “Tell me what happened” his hand hovers next to your arm, as if he’s ready to catch you and reassure you that he’s really there.

You try to explain, but only a whimper comes out. You feel yourself crumbling under the panic.

“Here. Please, sit down for a moment” his hand has gently grasped on your arm and he helps you to the couch. You slump down on to the seat and bury your face into your hands. Aaron pulls a chair for himself and comes to sit close to you. His hand rests on your elbow, thumb soothingly running on your arm. He knows time is the most important factor when it comes to cases with kids, but rushing you through this will only hurt more.

After giving you a few moments to calm your breath, he speaks again “Tell me what happened”.

“My mom went to pick up Ella from the daycare” you sniffle, looking down at your hands “She said she wasn’t there anymore”.

Calmly and patiently, he asks you all the routine questions he needs for an amber alert. You’ve asked these same questions from parents of missing kids, but you never thought you’d be the one to answer these questions yourself about your own daughter.

3 years old, you put her hair on braids today, Frozen shirt and blue leggings and her favorite butterfly sneakers. She’s shy, might not respond to strangers, even police officers.

“I hate having to ask these” Aaron admits silently after you’ve answered the questions for the alert. His soft and compassionate tone and voice are soothing and calming your panic. His presence helps you see things more clearly again and organize your thoughts. “Let me call this in. Just try to breathe, okay?” he says and you nod, promising to try your best.

It takes him a minute or two to rely the information on, but not for a second does he leave your side. And once he lowers his phone, his attention is back to you.

“You did so good, okay? Everyone will be on this and we’ll find her, I promise you that. But I need you and I need that brain of yours” you take a deep breath and raise your teary eyes to look up to him. His gaze is warm and it gives you the energy to nod and try to organize your thoughts. “I’m right here with you”.

His support and presence means more than you could ever put into words. And he knows what to do, he always knows what to do and you would trust your life in his hands.

“I should be out there looking for her” you raise your voice in frustration but Aaron’s patience doesn’t run out on you. “I should be out there”.

“Trust me, I know. But Morgan and JJ are at the daycare, Reid and Garcia are making the alert and Rossi is working with the officers. And right now, you and I are going to think this through” he says as calmly as he can, hoping it will help and calm you down as well.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t be the first one out of that door if it was about Jack” you last out and jump up to your feet and return to pace back and forth.

Aaron gets up as well from his chair. There’s something else in his expression, something that you don’t recognize while trying to navigate through your own rollercoaster of emotion.

The sadness and regret in his heart weigh heavy “That’s exactly what I did and it got Jack’s mother killed” you stop your pacing and turn to look at him again.

You knew that Haley died a few years ago by the Reaper. You’ve read his profile many times, but you don’t know every detail. Was he threatening Jack? But right now it looks like there’s still a lot of guilt in him for what happened and he’s trying to make sure his mistakes aren’t repeated.

But you look at him with pleading eyes. Only thinking of Ella – and now, Jack being in a similar position before – makes your eyes water. “Then what? What can I do from here?”

“We need to think back, figure this out. I’m right here with you” he’s standing so close to you again and you just wish to wrap your arms around him and hug him; hope that all of this is just a dream or a result from miscommunication. You nod, not sure what to say. “Who else is allowed to pick Ella up from the daycare?”

First day at the daycare, you remember signing the paperwork and filling different forms for your daughter. Her normal information, like date of birth etc. but also allergies, possible medications. You also had to fill out things like who to contact if something happens and people that are allowed to pick her up, alongside of their contact information. You put up your parents as additional contacts and safe adults to the contract and you tell him that too.

But it takes you a second to think back to when you dropped her off today “But today” you start and find yourself searching for support from his desk that’s now behind you “when I went to drop her off, I was greeted by a temp”. Aaron can almost hear the speed of your brain as you try to think “There were two teachers sick today, so they were filling in. They must have been the ones to sign her out; they might not have been aware of the contract”.

“That would mean” Hotch leaves his sentence open ended, trying to help you piece it together.

“That would mean that Ted picked her up” you gasp and all of the sudden it all starts to make sense. “Because no one would question it if he says he’s Ella’s dad and he’s there to pick her up”.

“Would Ella go with him? Has she seen him before?”

“As much as I’d like to say no,” you try to think what your little girl would do. “Ted would find a way to get her to go. And if the temps don’t know Ella-”

Aaron nods understandingly. She’s only 3 years old and she’s shy. If Ted told her that he’s going to take her to see her mom or something similar, she might go without questioning it.

“Aaron” you start but the rest of your words die down. But he understands exactly what you’re desperate to hear.

“We’ll find her. I promise” and you believe him.

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