#i am also very interested in seeing the planes and how they are being affected or affecting each other
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How Your Person Of Interest Sees/Thinks/Feels About You
Choose the image you are most drawn to or resonate most with… pile 1, pile 2, & pile 3 ✨
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Pile 1
(Knight of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Three of Wands, Knight of Swords, The Unknown Card, Three of Swords, Mentor, Plane, & Thriving)
Hi Pile 1! Welcome to your reading. ♡
Your person of interest sees you as someone who is very hardworking in all areas of your life. Perhaps, right now you are pursuing a degree or job, or maybe you are working towards a goal that requires lots of resilience and financial responsibility. Your person sees you very successful as well. I am also getting this energy that they may think you are above them in some way, whether it be financially, emotionally, or mentally. I really think they do look up to you in every way regardless if you feel like you are struggling yourself or you feel like you can do better. They see you as someone who is very helpful to other people and the community. Your job or every day work may involve with interacting and helping people out, and this is confirmation that this is your pile! They might find you very funny and young at heart as well. I'm getting that some of you may not think you're funny, but your person definitely thinks that you are. I'm getting that you may be the type of person to also laugh things off when you feel scared or hurt, it's kind of like a coping mechanism, only for some. Besides that though, I really do think your person sees you as someone who radiates bright energy and that's why people and even animals enjoy being around you. Not only they see you as bright energy, but they also see you as someone who attracts very much positive things into your life, again, abundance, school, work, you name it. What your person thinks about you is that you have a huge future ahead of you, and you have the ability to achieve your goals if you just go for it. I believe that they also think that you are very good with your words. Again, I keep getting this energy from your person of interest that they do not think they are as good as you. Honestly, I feel like they are intimidated by your potential and success. I believe that your person is going through something difficult or heartbreaking. It may be because of a separation, insecurities, or any kind of past trauma, but it is unknown. I think that this difficulty they are facing has an affect on how they feel about you. I do think that their feelings for you are developing though. I think that this person just cannot show your their full interest or attention because they need to focus on themselves more. Even though they are facing their own difficulties, I do believe you cross their mind, and their feelings for you have potential in growing into something bigger within time. Overall, I feel like your person sees you as a light in their life. They really look up to your for your positivity and ambitions. I think that once they get their life together and feel better about themselves, their feelings for you will escalate and they will start to show how they truly feel.
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Pile 2
(Ten of Wands, Ten of Cups, The Fool, King of Wands, Eight of Swords, The Magician, Shape-Shifter, Flowers, & Transformation)
Hi Pile 2! Welcome to your reading. ♡
Okay pile 2, before I start your reading, I just want to say that this is the sweetest pile. 🥺 Okay let's carry on. Your person sees you as someone who carries or has carried a lot of baggage on themselves. Perhaps, you have struggled financially or educationally, or you have really struggled with your family or friend relationships. I also get this energy from you that part of your baggage has something to do with the fact that you always put others as a priority rather than yourself. You are always sacrificing yourself, even if it costs you your happiness. Even though you've been through so much emotional baggage, you continue to persevere through adversity, and your person of interest definitely sees this about you. They see how hard your life has been, yet you find the power to proceed with your life, and they find this absolutely inspiring about you. It's like, you have the choice to stay in despair and yearn for a better life, but you choose the opposite and make changes to your life to be happy instead. Your person sees that you have amazing grit and can also adapt to your environment, whether it be difficult or easy. They might also see you as someone who is very emotional and someone who wants to have their own family and children in the future. They can see you feminine as well. The way that your person sees you is very warm and precious. There are lots of pink and purple in your reading pile 2, so this means that your person sees you very delicate and they are really romantically connected with you too. I think they think you are confident in your actions as well, and whatever risks or actions you take, you are able to go through with it. I think your person thinks you're very playful as well. Even though sometimes you may feel stressed or upset about certain things in your life, your person knows that inside of you, at the very core of you, you are actually a very warm, delicate, loving, affectionate, and playful individual. I think that they believe that you deserve the best, pile 2, especially since you've gone through so much. They also think of you as a flower. Not only are they beautiful and delicate, but they're also a product of growth and transformation. Your person not only sees you for your beauty but for also all your hard work, tenacity, and sacrifice. Pile 2, I believe that your person has very romantic feelings for you, but they do not know how to come forward with it towards you. I believe that they want to turn your bond with them into something more, but they are intimidated at the same time. I think that maybe you have a chance to come forward instead, and this will save your person a headache lol because they feel for you so much. One more message I'm getting is that they see you as a butterfly. Again, you have transformed so much in your life. You may have felt stuck in the past and over worried, but you will grow into your wings and you'll be set free to fly. Your reading is beautiful pile 2. Your person deeply feels for you.
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Pile 3
(King of Pentacles, The Hermit, The Star, Seven of Cups, The Tower, Four of Wands, Servant, Unity, & Protection)
Hi pile 3! Welcome to your reading. ♡
Your person of interest finds you very, very attractive, and maybe even very addicting pile 3! I say this because The Devil card popped out twice in the back of the deck. You're quite appealing to them I would say. 😏 Anyway, I think you give off independent vibes to your person. You're very successful, and you're independent. You're not a loner, you're in solitude. There's a big difference between those two. I think they see you as someone who does not take bs either (I'm getting that some of you here are more mature so I can insert bs here lolol). I think they see you as someone very helpful to others. Maybe you are a people pleaser, for some? I just got that. Your person also might see you as quite mysterious. You may be more of the quiet type, and they are intrigued by you. They just want to know more and more about you. I get the feeling that your person also thinks that you may have a lot of people lined up for you in regard to romantic partners. Your person may think that they don't even have a chance with you because you're so hot lol. They do think of you as a star though. You radiate light in their life, and I think that they may admire you from a distance, and they keep their feelings to themselves at times. I think that when you or if you have conversations with them, they will feel very emotionally connected with you. Your conversations with them are easy, and they feel like they can open up to you about pretty much anything comfortably. I think this is what separates you from others. You just get them in a way that no one else does, this pertains to your conversations with them, as well as your looks. 😉 One random thing, I think they might like your hands lol. Your person's feelings for you are strong pile 3, it's a given here. I think they did not expect to be this attracted to you though. Maybe some people here are in a work or classroom environment with your person, and your relationship with them could almost feel "taboo" but they can't help but be so drawn to you. Another situation I’m seeing here is a friend dynamic. Just take what resonates. I think that your person does really want something more with you though. I think if you two were together, they would really make it known to the world that you are theirs and they would celebrate your love lol. They also feel very protective over you. Even if you are already strong on your own and independent, your person still wants to be the one to protect you at all costs and even be your knight in shining armor. I believe that your bond with this person does have potential to lead to something more pile 3, even if you do not talk to them, the both of you still have potential together. Overall, they are so attracted to you pile 3. Do you ever have that person that you like so damn much that they are ruining your life???!! Yeah, that's you to them. Lol.
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#tarot reading#love reading#pick a card#pick a pile#pac#love pac#oracle#oracle reading#free tarot reading#crush reading#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#daily tarot
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Hi, I'm sorry I'm back in your inbox again skfbdjdn, but uhhh I was thinking about the headcanons you posted on Valentine's day and now I've got to know how Gordon would react when he realizes he's developing feelings for Funny Benny who lives in the computer. I'm usually a fairly casual frenrey shipper, but with how good you are at writing the hlvrai cast I'm on the edge of my seat to hear about how their relationship in streamman
Ohhh yes yes good. (Also, no apologies, I love messages, they are my friends) I'm gonna go deep into the paint on this one, check below the cut for Gordon's slow realization, the little things leading up to it, and more.
(There's a little allusion to sexual topics. Nothing explicit. Literally just the fact that adults in relationships can have sex. If you are a fan of the show where the climactic final boss monologue has heavy discussion of a dick slip, I don't think you're going to be scandalized, but I've been wrong before.)
Gordon and Benrey have that fun dynamic of "omg stopp what are you doing (does nothing to stop them)", and there's a lot of ways for both of them to be affectionate while obfuscating their feelings. But it's not really like they're trying to hide anything from each other? It's just the language they've built up to communicate. Like:
"Oh, fuck you." [Gordon Translation: That quip was pretty funny, I'm surprised I didn't see that coming.]
"you wish. say please, k?" [Benrey translation: I'm glad my comedy had the desired effect, so I'm continuing my jokes. I'm also implying intimacy by being comfortable enough to make sex jokes about us.]
At some point, Gordon realizes that his interactions with Benrey are making him feel... almost lonely. Which is weird, because the things that make him feel lonely(?) are all the things he likes about hanging out with Benrey. He figures out that he misses being able to have that kind of dynamic with a romantic partner.
Then it takes another full week for him to do the math that "Being with Benrey makes me think about my past relationships" + "I feel sad that I'm not dating anyone" = "I feel sad that I'm not dating Benrey". Look, he's not a scientist. He just plays one in a video game.
First response to realizing his feelings: MASSIVE ANXIETY.
How can they make this work out? What if he's waited too long? He knew Benrey was into him in the game, but this is several years of platonic interaction later. If Benrey still likes him that way, will he be angry and bitter at Gordon for trying to act like he hasn't been quietly turning down Benrey's affections all this time? Even if Benrey's still interested, they're basically on different planes of reality!
Thankfully, he has someone to talk to who helps get some of those anxieties sorted.
Gordon: what about going on dates?
Fang: you go on outings with the science team all the time. You literally sit in the dark and watch movies together at least once a month.
Gordon: Am I going to be content in a long-distance relationship where I know we can't ever move in together?
Fang: Okay, one: his domain is on a computer in your home. Two, you're pretty dang happy with your ""long distance"" friendships. Three, you have the haptic suit. And four, it is none of my business if you decide to buy some very specialized bluetooth devices.
Gordon: dude.
Fang: I'm just saying you have options on the physical side.
Thankfully, Benrey's kind of glad he waited. Like, it would be awesome if he and Gordon had been together from the start, but he kind of feels better about who he is as a person at this point. Gotta get Benrey lvl. 5 before you can unlock Ultimate Romance. Anyway Gordon asks him out and he ragdolls on the fucking floor
#frenrey#gordon streamman#you are welcome and invited to share your own ideas on this post#3…2…1…gordon! [gordon]#who killed this [benrey]#fang0riously
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i have to know if you have any Lore for your TFP s/i 👀👀👀 please share if you have anything! also KO and breakdown? such great taste i love that for you 🥺 they're my besties... (kittyandco)
yes I do ^^ My main Transformers S/I is named Overload.
In the Prime universe, Shockwave and I meet a pretty long time before the war, with me initially being an assistant, taking notes during experiments and helping him as needed. Later, I continue my studies in Cybertronian biology and become a partner in science to Shockwave rather instead of an assistant.
We end up courting awhile after I become his partner in science and shortly after that become Conjunx; it's rather straight-forward for us, especially Shockwave. (He is attracted to me and has romantic feelings, therefore, it is only logical for us to court one another and eventually become Conjunx if that attraction develops.)
I am specifically very interested in the fauna of both Cybertron and other planets, leading me to studying Earth as they have a wide variety of fauna. I pick up a nickname for Shockwave here ("Tiger"). Once the war begins, while I would rather stay neutral, I end up following Shockwave and becoming a Decepticon.
During the events of season 3, Shockwave returns to fetch me from Cybertron; I had been out exploring space at the time when Knock Out and the Vehicons found him. He returns with me and as we're fairly private about our relationship, I'm simply his "partner of science" to those who don't know us well. Though it becomes more apparent from our gentle affection that there happens to be chemistry between us (heh).
I'm also friends with the other Decepticons, Knock Out and Breakdown included! ^^ I'm also friends with their partner, Skysoul, who is a Maximal that transformers into a wolf. (Skysoul is an OC from... probably 2011? If I ever get around to adding Knock Out and Breakdown as F/Os she will likely become an S/I. I haven't watched Beast Wars yet so I'm not super familiar with how Maximals work but baby me thought wolves and Transformers were cool so why not combine them?)
Uhhh what else... after the events of the movie, we become reclusive on Cybertron and move into one of Shockwave's secret laboratories. Eventually, after seeing how Knock Out, Breakdown, and Skysoul have been accepted as Autobots, we begin a polite but tense relationship with the Autobots, no longer being Decepticons but neutral instead.
In my own headcanon for the Prime universe, sometimes Conjunx are chosen to raise a Cybertronian as their own, and they will be called to the Well of Allsparks where their new "child" will be created. Usually the child will happen to match their caregivers as well; in our case, we are given Blastoff. I don't have a reference for her yet but she's slightly taller than Shockwave and has some sort of plane alt-mode. Also, she ends up with a pretty strong crush on Smokescreen (and later in a relationship with both him and Soundwave once Soundwave is released/they get to know him better.)
^ that is what I look like in TFP universe; my alt-mode is a locomotive. (Art by CyberneticSlasher on Toyhouse)
#ask response#thank you for the ask!#sorry this was so long I have. a decent amount of lore thought out haha#long post#self ship#f/o#self insert talk
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embarassment is cringe who's your bias
oh LOL dw dw i am not literally embarrassed! more just, mindful of audience u know? but also ur my audience now
i am not really a person who tends towards Biases, but here are some guys that i really love atm!
SHINee's Key - look i love all members of shinee, they probably are my ult group these days, but if you forced me at gun point to pick one it would be This Guy. key is kind of the embodiment of the tension of how faggy can you be in public without ever coming out and - well, coming out. i also have a deep respect for how much effort he puts into his solo career, and how interesting and innovative his album concepts have been esp since he got back from the military
Exo's Kai - ah my precious Nini who is here with us largely to vibe. i think he's such a great example of like, how you can be totally hands off in terms of the creative direction of your albums LOL and still be a great performer? this man lip synced his way through his own concert and looked great doing it, 10/10. but i also love just how much he clearly loves his job and meeting other idols and getting to go on tv shows and learn new things about people and the world LOL a giant puppy of a man
TXT's Soobin - speaking of giant puppy men, this is one of my Large Son's Whom I Adore. my fave thing about soobin is that he's like. never held more than a single thought in his head at one time, and everyone he has ever met adores him? like every 4th gen group has a member who is just completely enamoured with soobin, and soobin does not appear to have done anything in particular to have earned this other than being a big guy who likes anime and hedgehogs. i also enjoy how everyone in his group agreed that he needed to be the leader, especially the guys (yeonjun and taehyun) who might have preferred to be the leader themselves, specifically because they knew giving it to the guy who didn't want it the way that they did would probably be a better outcome for the group. amazing head empty man. he's so tall.
Zerobaseone's Hanbin - something is wrong with this man (positive) (fond). no uh, this is a man who has gone to great lengths to change both his physical appearance and personal affect in order to take one last shot at achieving his kpop dreams and something is wrong with ME for how feral this makes me. another guy in the 'legibly queer' column (as in, he was a competitive waacker and faggy as hell doing it lmfao like, sure i'm sure there are straight guys who waack but at a certain point you're allowed to start assuming Gay instead of defaulting Straight ok). he is a control freak. he said his favourite type of person is someone who is competent but pretends not to be so that he can do things instead. one time he was so horrified by his member wearing socks on the bed that he REMOVED THAT BOY'S SOCKS FOR HIM? ON CAMERA? HANBIN WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU
WayV's Kun - the dad to end all dads. i have endless leader feelings about this man, who is the leader of SM's final push to conquer the China market that was actually going really well until [redacted], and suddenly Kun is the leader of a group that has members in different countries, that cannot promote in China while the pandemic is going on and cannot promote in Chinese while in Korea. technically WayV is under the umbrella of the broader NCT group, but xenophobia will have stans staying 'they just don't vibe for some reason'. this man's group was shelved for over a year due to international geopolitics and he held it and them together admirably, and it's been SO good to see WayV employed in 2023 and gaining momentum again. also he can fly a plane ( a real one), somehow made PUBG hot by being very good at it, and one time he was live and you just heard from the background one of his members yelling from the shower KUN GE THERE'S NO HOT WATER, like, every man in this group just has it hard wired into their brain that if there is a problem, kun ge will fix it. and he does.
honestly i could probably go for longer, there are a lot of boys i have a lot of feelings about s o b.
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Still slowly (VERY slowly 😭) making progress on replaying Fire Emblem Engage so I can get back to the point I was at before my save got deleted and continue my liveblog. As I’m doing that I decided it had been too long since I enjoyed an otome game so I have also been playing Jack Jeanne!
It’s funny when I first heard the news of Jack Jeanne being localized it actually didn’t catch my attention. But like a week ago I saw a random post about it praising it and then I looked it up and saw it was getting a TON of praise. I also looked up some non-spoilery art and info and thought the style looked gorgeous and liked the bits of story and gameplay I found. So I said fuck it and bought it like four days ago.
And WOW I am happy I did!!!!!
First off, the art in this game is BEAUTIFUL! Sui Ishida, the writer and artist for Tokyo Ghoul, is responsible not only for the gorgeous art and character designs but also did a bunch of other stuff for this game (even writing the lyrics for the songs which is incredible). Seriously the amount of time I spend just staring at CGs is nuts, they’re all so incredible whether they’re comedic or dramatic. The character designs are all so wonderful too and so expressive!
The music is so incredible too! The background tracks are great and fitting for the situations. So far I only just finished the Newcomers’ Performance so the only vocal songs I’ve heard so far are the main theme Jack & Jeanne of Quartz, and the two songs for The Sleepless King: Fortune Color is Crystal and Beyond the Plane Tree. Bruh….I never skip the main theme that’s how good it is. And it’s sung in character by the heroine and the six LIs. I went and bought the mp3 for it I’ve been obsessing over it that much. Fortune Color is Crystal was not what I expected considering the nature of the play it’s in but it’s so catchy! And holy fucking shit Beyond the Plane Tree is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard, the harmonies in it are so 😭😭😭😭 I’m playing this game blind (with a spoiler free guide) so I haven’t listened ahead to the other songs but I was so impressed by these three that not only did I buy the mp3 for the main theme I ordered the vocal collection since the other songs aren’t available for mp3 download.
The story is definitely interesting me so far. Like I said I’ve only just finished the Newcomers Performance so I’m not that far in the story but it managed to hook me in entirely despite the seemingly simple sounding premise of “heroine disguised herself as a boy to attend all boys academy”. I’m actually surprised by how many times so far I actually forgot our heroine is supposed to be in disguise 😂😂😂 Not because the game doesn’t use the premise properly but more because there’s so much shit going on!!! And it slowly introduces new characters and plot points so that I’m always eager to see what happens next. Especially in terms of the plays (oh yeah this takes place in a theater school sorry I forgot to bring that up)! With this first play I was excited to see who was cast in what roles, the plot of it, watching the rehearsals, and seeing it all come together in the end in spectacular fashion! I like the stat raising element, nothing complex or luck based about it so it’s not aggravating. I’m totally in love with the rhythm game aspect, though it means whenever we get to the actual plays I’m more focused on getting a top score than watching the video of the performance. But that’s what the gallery is for right? The interesting thing about this game from what I hear is that, unlike typical otome games, Jack Jeanne is like 80% common route. Like while you make choices that earn affection and can pick who you hang out with, the LI specific routes don’t come in until WAAAAAY later. I thought I would mind since I generally prefer more romance in my otome (sounds silly but people who play otome games probably understand what I mean) but so far I don’t care because the story is just that enjoyable (and it’s not like there’s no moments at all).
And then there’s the characters. I like when MCs are voiced and I’m especially glad Kisa is voiced since this is a story about theater. I really like her so far she’s sweet and a hard worker, I can’t wait to see how she grows as both an actor and a person! I love her standing up to Otori and doubling down on seeking assistance and working together during practice. And I love how sweet and bell-like her voice is! Suzu (to the surprise of no one because I’m Miss Predictable) is my fave. Sweetheart, earnest, energetic, puppy in human form? Yeah that’s a LI tailor made for Willow! I love how much he has already grown as an actor from how robotic he sounded when he first practiced his lines to his PHENOMENAL performance for his first time on stage in The Sleepless King (which by the way how did my boy Suzu not win any award for that performance?!?!?! This game is rigged😡). And bruh I nearly fucked up both rhythm game segments for the Newcomers Performance because of how blindsided I was by how beautiful his singing voice is (don’t know why I was so shocked I know his VA is incredible). Sou is so soft and sweet so far and I can already see some hints for where his story might go (possibly about him not standing out as much?). I like that he’s in the know about Kisa and I do love me some childhood friend romances! Mitsuki makes me laugh with his tsundereness but I love how compared to typical tsundere characters he’s more softspoken and doesn’t go heavy handed on it. Negi is so funny so far I really enjoy whenever he’s onscreen talking a mile a minute or causing his own little brand of chaos. Kai seems super kind and I love that he seems like an animal expert, I wanna know more about him. And Fumi is just super cool to me, his design to his voice to his personality. I really love this Quartz squad, they’re so lovable and have such enjoyable dynamics with each other! Regarding side characters I’m only just beginning to know some, and I know there are a ton I have yet to meet, but I really like the ones I’ve met so far. They’re either kind, funny, a mix of both, or have yet to really display any trait that makes me feel one way or another. The only side character I have strong feelings towards as of where I am now in the game is Otori. And even then I find him enjoyably annoying. He’s talented and knows it, but he’s also an annoying dick and I enjoy proving him wrong. Also he’s hilarious without ever meaning to be, which keeps me from being too annoyed at him.
Anyways yeah that’s my ramble about Jack Jeanne so far! There’s probably a ton I missed or forgot but I just wanted to gush for a moment about this great game! I’m having so much fun so far and can’t wait to see what the rest of the game is gonna bring. I’m at the very start of June so it’s the Summer Performance next!
#story time with me#jack jeanne#jack jeanne spoilers#willow takes center stage at univeil#I usually don’t post about my experience playing otome games#but this game is such a masterpiece so far despite how little I’ve played so far#and I just wanna gush about my experience#anyways yeah suzu orimaki my beloved~!!!!#I am so fucking predictable I even said to myself when I first saw the cast of love interests#“huh look at that redhead boy watch him become my main beau”#earnest sweethearts man…them and red haired genki guys…among my biggest kryptonites among favorite male characters ESPECIALLY when combined#and that’s regardless of whether I wanna romance them or not that’s just my general type of male character I tend to love#but yeah I really enjoy the cast as whole so much kisa and the main boys are so damn lovable!#the side characters I’ve met so far are also enjoyable in their own ways too#and I adore the theater stuff and the rhythm games and the art and music and AAAAAAAAA!!!! what a great game!!!!!#I can’t wait to continue it I wanna see what the summer performance is gonna be!!!!!
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Frank, sometimes I have hope in my heart that it will end. But, given the pattern of these past months, it feels like hubris to even lean slightly into that assumption. Do you think it will end soon? For good, I mean?
Thanks for asking – I don't have a good answer, but it will be interesting to see what happens at the end.
I've been thinking about what I want, or could want, to happen. Here's a partial list:
It will end by November or December
We will see how close it comes to the end by the beginning of December
It will have been a year since Frank became a character on the blog by the beginning of December
A new chapter of my original fiction (Nabokov is not the first character for whom I have had my own story idea) will have appeared in the web space in December
I'll have made another book (if I do)
I was also thinking about the implications of the plot development described in the latest post for my personal relationships. It is not as simple as the idea that I'll be "single" when this ends. It seems to imply that I will in fact eventually end up with one of two people, who will be more or less permanent members of my life. It's not clear yet how permanent those relationships will turn out to be, but we'll see.
More speculatively, the plot development has changed a number of things about the way I view the world. I can't really make sense of this, because it's so strange, so I don't know whether I have a "rational" or "emotional" justification for being so different about these things, or which is more salient in the end. But I don't yet feel that the ending has changed me the way that it changed some of my characters.
I do know that I'm more aware of the things that make my characters, even fictional, "real." I mean more than just that I "feel" them, because I can now put "thinking about the story ideas" side-by-side with actually thinking about them. When I think about these characters, I am now always thinking about their relationships, not just with one another, but with all the aspects of the world that are there to affect them.
All of this makes me think that the characters are going to end up on a very different set of planes, and that even once they've made it to the plane they ended up on, they will still change in ways that will affect their relationship to other characters, to people and events.
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I'm rewatching The Hunger Games and I'm very surprised by the level of "casually here" that Katniss is. While I didn't remember her superactive, I did remember her less invested in her own self, in her own survival. I thought she had more input and more worldview. Maybe in the books she did have more sympathy for people who are not her family.
In the movies, she was forced to mother her mother and her sister, and the only thing she can think of is the two of them. She became a helicopter parent for them and they are her priority. Even after seeing the riots, all she can think of is running away with them. It's Gale who brings up "what about the others?" She hadn't thought about that.
She was broken before the games and she only broke more during the games. She cannot understand that other people also have trauma and suffering and that you can thrive in spite of that. She judges Haymitch and even when he has helped her, she still thinks he is a loser of sorts. It takes her A LOT to understand him and accept him, maybe because she can see herselfin him. She doesn't look farther than her own experience, unless she can take care and nurture someone (which is why she chose Mags, Nuts and Volts. And Peeta). It took Peeta calling her out to think that maybe he is there too? Maybe he is also suffering?
She cannot get emotionally attached to people because, and this is excellently shown in the movie, she will make herself responsible of them. She will take all the blame if anything happens to them (which is what she brought with her before the games because of the parenting done in her family). Anything that happens to anyone she liked or was there when she did/said something, she will assume as her fault, as a consequence of her acts. She is constantly in survival mode and her thought process is a mess.
The only reason she got as far as she did is because she was a symbol of the revolution. People thought of her as a leader of sorts (because of propaganda, not because she is) and it motivated them, when in reality, she is a puppet for both the Capitol and the Rebellion. When she wakes up in the plane, and they explain to her the plan, she fights Haymitch because Peeta is not there, which is the only thing she had in mind.
And she probably wanted to save Peeta as a symbol too. She saw him as optimistic, as a light, she needed to believe there is good in the world and that is Peeta. Peeta is good and it (he) has to be preserved. But that is also her hyperfocusing on saving someone, on caring for someone, because it is the only thing she actually knows how to do, how to deal with. Probably, the only positive emotion she has.
Of course she rebels a bit too, but whenever there is any retaliation, she takes all the blame for the suffering she caused and goes back into flight mode. Even in the 4th movie, she does it and she stays on plan because Peeta says that if she kills Snow, all the death will have meaning. If it were for her, she would live in a cave in the woods with her sister and mother, never to speak with another human being again (ironically, that is what she gets in the end with Peeta). She has no interest in the revolution, no hope. She is a selfish coward and the narrative is ok with it (and so am I, tbh).
It's not the hero against her own will. It's not The Chosen One (or well, it literally is in that they chose her as a symbol, not in that the Gods gave her superpowers). It's not even the hero's journey. She is not going anywhere, barely learning anything, barely changing at all. And she has 0 leadership skills and no team-working skills either.
Regarding the love triangle... it is not romantic love (and for at least 1 and a half movie, it's barely affection). There is love, I give you that, but no romance (which is also very refreshing). It takes Katniss a lot to understand that she does love Peeta and it is not really explained romantically, it's more practical in a way. Same applies to Gale, he feels like home (until he doesn't) but he is more infatuated with her than she has ever been with anyone. I'd say she is aromantic in a way that is very rarely portrayed.
I think it is a weird movie. I don't remember the books well enough to compare, but no wonder the book created a subgenre of YA dystopia. No wonder many people tried to copy it but couldn't. It's like it has the ingredientes, but used in such a weird way that it is a miracle that they work. And they work so well.
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hello ppnuggie <3
can i have a lost in space match up please :3?
i go by sunny, my pronouns are she/they and im omnisexual!!
i have short, curly ginger hair and a lot of freckles,, im planing on getting little solar systems tattoed on diffrent clutters of freckles which is not really relevant ig but,, freckles
my eye color is a mix of blue and green and people have actually argued over what my eye color is at school lol,, i dont really have an aesthetic but i do have these really cool pants with doodles on them and a little ufo on the back pocket that says "i need space"
i have a very cheery personality around friends and i would literally die for them,, i dont express myself around my family as much because they can be really judgy and im really sensitive,, and if im around someone i absolutely hate/someone who has wronged me significantly, i will let them know exactly how i feel - if i do have an issue with someone i will always try to solve the issue in a civil mannar without hurting their feelings,, i rely on communication a lot and its an important thing to me with different relationships
but other than that, im very friendly with new people and friends, im very open and try very hard not to be intimidating, because as an antisocial and socially anxious person ik how it feel when talking to knew people,, im definitely more confident over social media and texts than i am in person.
im an artist!!! im graduating a year early from high school and going to one of the country's best art schools!! ive had art set as acareer path in my brain since the 5th grade,, art is my life
i also dabble in creative writting, mostly fanfics but its just so incredible to come up with stories,, im a big book worm,, if im not drawing or watching cartoons/syfi films im reading, could be ao3, wattpad, tumblr fics, poetry, or a physical book i bought, i will read it
i love syfi and action that simmer in some romance ya know,, it just hits diffrent,, especially alien robot themed syfi,, idk my brain just eplodes when i see space robots
i hate being surrounded by clutter, my surroundings affect my mental state so i try to be as clean as possible to keep my attitude and motivation up :))
i have anxiety + social anxiety,, especially if im alone in crowded/public spaces- went on a college field trip once in middle school and i had a break down at taco bell because none of my friends were there and i was surrounded by strangers,, students or not,,
i hate broccoli and coliflower and public speaking/presentation assignments
im sorry if this is too much? ive never asked for a match up before but the ones ive seen are kinda lengthy so im not too sure :// i might do another match up ask in the future for tfp if its still open i love those funky dudes
anyways thank you for reading my tf stuff and requesting it was the highlight of my week !!! :D
ahh tysm for requesting !! 🥹🥹🙏❤️ im so sorry i havent been able to reply to the comments and stuff you make on my posts 😭😭 i promise im not ignoring you ,, its just this isnt my main blog but instead a side blog ,, my main one i dont bother or toucb anymore 😭😭 but my dms are definitely open if you ever wish to talk or so <33 and np !! i cant wait to see the finished result for the request :D i like your work so much 🥹 its rlly good !! heres you matchup <33 under the thing ,, and dw ,, you can request again for tfp bc no ones rlly requested so far 😭🙏 congrats on the art school tho ! :D hope you do have fun with that !!
𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 : robot !! :D
𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐒 :
• he would stay around you often ,, not bothering to spend time with others and instead stick close to you unless you told him not to
• hes very curious about you ,, lights swirling around inside the glass on his face ,, he finds you interesting and nice to be around
• whilst hes not all that sure about humans just yet ,, as they all act differently from one another ,, he does feel safer and more comfortable around you
• whenever he catches glimpses of your drawings he tilts his head to the side ,, wondering about them in his mind
• he loves to see your drawings ,, how each varies differently from one to another ,, it just makes more memories for him
• he has tried to draw something for you before ,, wanting to indulge in this littke artistic hobby of yours and make something ,, though it was only in the dirt as he doesnt know how to use pencils and stuff yet
• he’ll help you with public spaces and crowds and strangers as best as he can ,, making it known hes there for you shall you need some reassurance <3
𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎
the small stick glided around in the dirt ,, shapes starting to form as he moved it about. he had his mind focused on a plant form ,, gazing back and forth at it as he tried to mimick its shaping. the lights swirled softly inside the glass ,, hand moving to make another shape.
once finished ,, he turned to look up at you. the lights never once stopped swirling ,, a soft hum coming from robot as he awaited for your reaction. laid there in the dirt had been a mishapened flower ,, the one just a little bit in front of you two.
he hoped you liked it somewhat ,, hoping you’ll enjoy his creation as much as he enjoys yours. the lights slowed their pace ,, blue gazing into your eyes as he awaited.
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Oswan bracelet
palm beach is palm beach because it was built to keep the right people in and the wrong people out.’ i’m so glad angus (her first husband) bought the house when we were first married. Look, things happen everywhere but I don’t have to deal with certain things here.” I didn’t want to have a pre-arranged life. “Look, it’s more remote,” he acknowledged. The kids have a great time but there’s so much more to Aspen” “I hear the public school has a ski lift to the mountain.” Aspen isn’t what people think-there is a real community here and local, full-time residents.” “After we moved here, most of my friends told me I’d be back in two months,” he said. The second plane literally flew over my car on the drive into the second tower and I lost a lot of very close friends,” he said in sad, reflective moment. It was traumatic-definitely a motivating factor. “Did 9/11 prompt you to move here?” I asked. When we moved to Aspen, it was really a different experience for us.” I always dreamt of not having a repeat performance of my childhood. “How’s life in Aspen these days?” I asked. He looked tanned and relaxed in Loro Piana. “It’s so good to see you,” I fist-bumped Aspen Trader as we made our way from the Little Nell to the bustling Ajax Tavern, where we sat in the glorious sunshine-it could have been a 60-degree spring day. (I always say I am not a skier but an après skier.) While my son is doing black diamond runs with his instructor, I have lunch with a very good college friend who had decamped to the ski hamlet with his family years before. It just so happened that I was going to be in Aspen for a father-son ski trip, though I am useless on the mountain for anything other than picking up the tab. “Plus, Eagle Airport always gets snowed in and who wants to drive all the way from Denver?” I nodded. And the bad guys will get altitude sickness.” Any place else?” I asked, admiring the timeless palm-leaf wallpaper and enjoying the scrumptious vegetarian spring rolls with dipping sauce. And you can’t run down the street with heavy gold bars in your bag. “Someone will always barter a Picasso for a bag of pretzels,” he said. When choosing this item, we recommend you to review our necklaces collection as we have a perfect match for this design. If you like mixing and matching your jewelry, then we suggest you to check out other pieces from our collection and choose one more item that will match your bracelet.“Do you think anyone would be buying art in that scenario?” This minimalist bracelet comes to your address in elegant Fit Selection jewelry box, being ready to become a gift or a nice way to store this jewelry piece while not wearing. In Greek tradition, this bird was often pictured singing to a lyre. In Roman Mythology Swan was sacred to Venus, the goddess of love. It is associated with love, music, and poetry. Swan symbolizes grace and beauty on many levels. Whether there is a birthday occasion or anniversary, this will be a great way to show your affection to someone special or just a nice treat for yourself. This Swan bracelet besides being trendy as minimalist jewelry, is also a great choice if you are interested in animal inspired jewelry. In light of our new designs we are presenting you the Swan bracelet. Our new minimalist jewelry collection is made to diversify the choice that Fit Selection gives to the customers.
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it’s really happening. the moons are going to be so important this campaign!!!
#three characters have connections to the moons#i have been waiting for moon lore for so long#so excited#cr spoilers#critical role#i am also very interested in seeing the planes and how they are being affected or affecting each other#something big is coming i can feel it#world shattering maybe? we shall see :)
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The Conversation
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader
Word Count: 7661 (Don’t come at me - you guys asked for it)
Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Fluff, Feelings, I Dunno What Else, This One’s Pretty Chill, Except The Ending, But You’ll See When You Get There
A/N: Here it is! I was hesitant about posting it because that means we’re getting closer to the end and I’m such a nostalgic bitch! I’m definitely gonna cry next week when the last episode comes out! Anyways, I’ve got a few things to talk about:
I think this is one of the most important chapters I’ve written and I’m excited to see your reactions to it. It is longer, but you guys asked for that, so you got it! Also, I’m loving the Asks, Comments, and Reblogs. I try to respond to all of them. I have work in a little bit, so I won’t be able to until after, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ask me anything; about my series, the show, any of the movies, personal stuff, I really don’t care. If you’re not comfortable, that’s totally fine! Every like means so much to me!
I know it’s not the end yet - we’ve got one more episode and a list of One Shots to get through - but there’s a definite feeling of this series coming to an end, and I just want to thank you all for the support and love you’ve been giving it! I’ve really enjoyed writing these characters and this story! It’s very, very special to me and I’m glad I’ve been able to share it with you lovely people!
On that note, be kind to yourselves and others! Thank you again for reading! Excuse any mistakes - this isn’t beta’d! Enjoy and stay tuned!
FATWS Masterlist
cjsinkythoughts Masterlist
!SPOILERS UNDER CUT! (Sorry for the gifs I just love them so much and he’s so pretty and this part is technically two parts so...you get four!)
“Louisiana.” Bucky hummed, looking around the airport.
You rolled your eyes. “You’re not gonna find anything interesting about Louisiana in here, doofus. Let’s call an Uber.”
“An Ooper? What the hell is an Ooper?”
You giggled, shaking your head and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the luggage carousel. “Uber. It’s like…a taxi service. But there’s an app on your phone to get a driver instead of waiting for one on the street.”
“Oh.” He blinked, tilting his head. “That’s…helpful.”
You laughed again, stopping in front of Carousel 3, where your flight from New York was assigned. You went back to New York to grab a bag with clean clothes and other necessities, along with taking a real shower for once. It was nice to be back in the States, as much as you loved traveling. It’d been a crazy few weeks and you were ready to just relax.
“Do you think there were any problems with Sammy’s present?”
Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Especially considering they know who we are.”
You snickered at his slight grumble. They had had…problems at the other two airports - first the one in Sokovia then JFK in New York - considering Bucky’s entire arm was metal. It’d taken a full hour before they actually let you go, and by that time they had to give you a new plane because yours had left.
“Seriously. Who else has a fucking metal arm and has 1917 listed as their birth year on their Driver’s License?” You giggled again. That was also true. They thought he was messing with them. It wasn’t until you stepped in a few minutes after they asked Bucky to step to the side, seeing Bucky get frustrated, that they realized Bucky wasn’t pulling their legs.
“Well, we’re here now and that’s all that matters.”
He nodded in agreement, watching for your bags, his hand finding yours when he realized how many people there were. “Do you know where he lives? I didn’t even think about it.”
“Yeah, don’t worry. He invited me over once. I declined, but I saved the address.”
“He…invited you over?” Bucky frowned.
You gave him a look. “I’m sure he invited you, too. You just never checked his texts.”
He licked his lips, tilting his head. “Yeah, no, I know, but I mean…why didn’t you go? Weren’t you two just talking about how you wanted to meet his nephews the other day?”
“Yeah, but I had gotten a tip on Wanda at the time and I didn’t want to miss the chance that she was there. He told me it was fine. I still felt really bad. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. I think it was one of the boys’ birthdays. Or something. I don’t remember. Is that bad? Yeah, probably. I really should remember. Maybe I should keep track of birthdays on my calendar or something.”
“Doll.” You looked up to find him giving you a magnificent smile, teeth and all. “You’re rambling.”
“Oh. Am I? Sorry. I didn’t realize.”
He shook his head quickly, squeezing your hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s cute. I’m just not used to you talking so much. You kinda did on the phone sometimes.”
You shrugged, pushing down the heat crawling up your neck at his words. “I rambled a lot to Steve.”
“Oh.”
His face fell, making you scrunch your eyebrows up in confusion, nudging him slightly to grin at him. “It’s nice to have someone to ramble to again, though.” There was that smile again. You were stopped from saying anything more when you noticed some kids pointing and chattering excitedly at a gleaming silver box coming around the corner on the conveyor belt. “There it is.”
He looked over his shoulder, dropping your hand and stepping over to grab it, lifting it effortlessly. You didn’t know what was in it or how heavy it was, but you were sure it felt like a feather to him.
“Alright. Got our bag, sweetheart?” You lifted up the duffle in answer and he jerked his head towards the doors. “Let’s get outta here, then. Call that Booper or whatever.”
“U-B-E-R! Ub-er!” You threw your hands up, following him as he started walking towards the exit. “What’s so hard about it?!”
He just gave you a little smirk over his shoulder.
***************
Bucky kept asking the Uber driver questions about his job. The guy was super nice and patient the whole time, a thick southern accent lacing his answers. Southern hospitality was no joke and apparently had no limit as Bucky asked about his experiences, listening intently and telling him his own stories of taxi drivers in NYC.
When you got to Sam’s sister’s house, Bucky, being Bucky, tipped the driver half of what you paid for the ride, thanking him for his time and energy, before getting out.
“You’re so adorable, you know that?” You teased him as you stepped up the porch stairs and knocked on the door.
He rolled his eyes, a tint of pink dusting across his cheeks. “He was nice.”
You hummed at his defense, the smile never leaving your features. After a moment, Bucky raised his fist to knock again. “Jesus Christ! Don’t fucking knock their door down!” You grabbed his wrist and lowered it.
“Sorry. I forget sometimes.” Bucky informed you absentmindedly, tilting his head to peek in the window. “I don’t think anyone’s home.”
“They’re probably at the docks, then.”
Bucky raised an eyebrow. “The docks?”
You nodded, gesturing for him to follow you. “Yeah. They have a boat, remember? He talked about it last week.”
“Oh right. The one he’s trying to convince his sister not to sell.”
“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I’m pretty sure it’s that way. I don’t know how far, but we can call the Uber back-”
Bucky scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Nah. I don’t wanna bother him again. We can walk.”
You gave him an incredulous look. “It’s literally his job to drive people around.”
“Well, yeah, but what if he’s got other people to drive?”
You lifted his metal knuckles to your lips. “Trust me, Buck, I’m sure he’d rather drive you than anyone else.”
“Thank you?”
Swinging your now linked hands, you gave a firm nod, letting him know it was, in fact, a compliment. “You are so very welcome.”
The walk was a lot longer than you thought it was, and you ended up on Bucky’s back after he kept complaining about how you “shouldn’t be walking this long” and you were “injured” and you “needed rest’”. You’re not sure how a shoulder wound affected your ability to walk, but you relented and let him carry you the rest of the way to stop his whining.
“You forget, you did pull your thigh.”
“That was, like, three weeks ago! Yeesh!”
You finally got to the docks, which were bustling with people. Bucky set you down and raised an eyebrow which you shrugged in reply to, before heading over to where you spotted Sam with a few other older men.
“How do we get it off the truck?” You heard Sam ask, pointing to a large boat engine part in the bed of a beaten up truck. Scoffing as Bucky lifted it up without breaking a sweat, you leaned against the truck. Bucky grunted and set it down, looking at Sam.
“You’re welcome.” What a punk. “Just dropping this off.” Bucky lifted the case and set it where the engine was previously, Sam coming to stand on the opposite side of the truck as you. “You can sign for it and I’ll go.” You snorted, shaking your head, making Bucky shove your shoulder - the uninjured one - playfully. “I called in a favor from the Wakandans.”
Sam looked at you curiously. You shrugged and shook your head. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. He wouldn’t tell me what it is. He’s all hushy hushy about it until you say so.”
Before Sam could reply, there was a squeak and hissing over at the boat where steam was coming from a few pipes.
“Sam!” You knew that was Sarah from pictures Sam showed you. You stayed up by the truck, pulling yourself onto the bed while Sam tried fixing the pipe, Bucky butting in to show him how to do it properly.
“Why didn’t you use the metal arm?”
You saw Bucky lift up said metallic limb. “Well…I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m-I’m right handed.” Letting out a laugh, Bucky turned around and scowled teasingly at you. “And what’re you laughing at?!”
“Nothing!”
“Well then get your ass over here!”
You rolled your eyes, hopping down from the truck as Bucky asked if Sam wanted help with the boat. You leaned against a wooden post, grinning when Sam looked at you.
“I don’t have any plans.”
Sam gave a small smile, jerking his head back. “Yeah.”
You jumped down onto the boat to follow him, looking over your shoulder and stopping with an amused eyebrow raised as Bucky introduced himself to Sarah. “I’m Bucky.”
“Ah…Sarah.”
“Sarah.” Bucky repeated her name, before walking towards you, a grin still on his lips.
“Careful, Barnes. That playboy Steve warned me about is coming out.” You nudged him with a smirk, ignoring the feeling of your stomach dropping.
He rolled his eyes, kissing your head as he passed you and Sam to go where Sam was gesturing. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re still my doll.”
Sam raised an eyebrow, falling into step besides you and lowering his voice. “Conversation?”
“Hasn’t happened.” You informed him through clenched teeth as he groaned.
Sam gave you a list of chores that needed to be done to clean up the boat, giving you a quick tour and letting you know where all the tools needed where. You set to work immediately.
Sanding down, replacing old parts, cleaning, polishing and painting over the things that didn’t need replacing. They didn’t let you do any heavy lifting because of your stupid shoulder, but you were still able to help.
Sam had turned on some music for you to listen to, so you danced around the boat while cleaning. Turning your head when you felt a pair of eyes on you, you smiled when Bucky snapped his head back down to the wood he was sanding down.
“Gonna dance, Barnes?”
He looked back over, shaking his head. “Nah. I’m good watching you.”
Rolling your eyes, you got back to work, continuing to bop to the music, fully aware that he was watching you now.
A little while later, you were repainting the edges of the boat orange, when you looked over and noticed Bucky playing around with a paint scraper…sitting right on the edge that you had just finished repainting a few minutes ago.
“Buck!”
He looked over, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”
You bit your lip, trying to hold back your mischievous grin. Shaking your head, you waved dismissively. “Never mind!”
He gave you a confused sort of pout, before shrugging and continuing to fidget with the tool. It wasn’t until later when he got up to help Sam tear the metal plating off the edge that it came to light with Sam chuckling and raising an eyebrow.
“Sit in something there, Barnes?”
“What?”
Bucky craned his neck back, eyes widening when he saw the orange paint on his ass, contrasting with his jeans. You let out a cackle and he whipped towards you, pointing at you accusingly, although the small uptick of his lips let you know he wasn’t really mad.
“Y/N!”
“No, no, no!” You laughed, sprinting across the deck, shrieking when he grabbed your waist and spun you around. You gasped when he grabbed a paint brush and painted an orange stripe right down the front of your shirt. “James!”
“Justice, sweetheart.” He breathed in your ear with a chuckle.
You shook your head, wiggling out of his hold. “This is a nice shirt!”
“You should’ve thought about that before.” He smirked, crossing his arms. Your eyes caught sight of Sam behind him, who raised an eyebrow and the bucket of paint he was holding. You nodded with a little giggle, making Bucky’s eyes narrow. “What’s so funny over there, do - holy shit!
You guffawed as orange paint dripped down his head, Sam standing innocently behind him with the now empty bucket behind his back. “Samuel!”
“Oops?”
“I’m gonna kill you!”
“Try me old man!”
“Fuck!
“Doll!”
“Oh my God!”
Paint, orange and white since those were the only cans they had out, flew across the deck, paint brushes being used like fencing swords.
You found out too late that wet paint was a little bit slippery and you slid on a huge puddle, sending you, not onto the ground below, but over the side of the edge into the water.
“Doll!”
“Cher, you good?!”
The three of you looked at each other, stunned for a moment, before bursting into fits of laughter and you nodded. “I’m good!”
The boys helped you get back up onto the dock, Sarah appearing with towels she conjured up out of thin air. “Let’s get you into dry clothes. Do you have-?”
“We’ve got some. We got a bag.” You told her with a grin, facing the guys. “You two should clean up some, too. Sammy, you’ve got a little something right there.” You pointed to your cheek, his own having a giant white splotch from his temple to his jaw. “And Buck?” You sniggered, gesturing to the whole of him. “You’ve got a lotta something right there.”
“Ha. Ha.” He looked down. His top was practically tiger print, drenched in orange with white here and there, and his ass still orange as well. His hair, which had been plastered to his forehead, was starting to dry now, and it only made you laugh some more thinking about what a pain it’d be to get it out. For him, at least.
“God. Can’t even have a relaxing day on the boat with you two.” Sam jested once you finished up and joined him and Bucky, who had just finished dumping out some water buckets. Bucky had changed his shirt and it looked like they tried wiping their faces, but Sam still had small lines of white down his face. “How ‘bout a couple of drinks? Surely you can’t ruin that too.”
“Ruin?” You gasped in mock offence. “Sammy! I just made the day more…interesting.”
Sam chuckled, ruffling Bucky’s hair, which still had orange streaks in it. “Let’s go get some beers.”
************
You chatted for a bit, mainly you and Sam with you asking how Sarah and the boys were while Bucky with your legs in his lap, just listening to you two and sipping at his bottle. You had his hand in your own lap, wiping it down with a rag due to the paint that got on it.
“You’re lucky this is vibranium, you know.” You commented off handedly. “If it was your other one, it’d definitely get stained.”
“And who’s fault is that?” Bucky shot back with a teasing grin.
“Sammy’s.”
Sam spluttered. “Wh-what?! You started it!” You laughed, shaking your head.
Falling into a comfortable silence with just the water and birds chirping as your soundtrack, you downed the rest of your drink, which Bucky took as finished. “Well,” you moved your legs to let him stand up. He leaned forwards to clink his bottle against Sam’s and you stood up and stretched. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night.” Sam gave you a look to which you rolled your eyes at as Bucky set down his bottle and grabbed his jacket. “Crash, you know?”
“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?”
“Well I don’t wanna make it weird for your family.”
“Just stay here.” You laughed as Sam babbled on about how nice the people were here, grabbing the jacket Bucky handed to you. It was getting a bit chilly from the breeze on the water and the sun going down. Plus, that water was cold.
“But don’t flirt with my sister.”
You cackled at Bucky’s face, that turned serious, his head shaking. “No.”
“‘Cause if you do I’ll have Carlos cut you up and feed you to the fish.”
“Can’t hold back the dog, Wilson. It’s been stuck in a kennel too long.”
Bucky turned to you, grabbing your jaw and squishing your cheeks together. “You know what? You need to shush. You’ve been snippy all day.”
You just smiled as innocently as you could with your lips being held by his metal fingers. “You’re too fun to mess with.”
He pecked your nose. “As long as I’m the only one you’re messing with. I’ll be right back.” He let you go and spun around, maneuvering around the boat in a way only a trained assassin could do.
“Oh my God, please! Please just put me out of my fucking misery! You’re killing me, cher.”
“What?” You gaped at him.
“Don’t act innocent!” Sam huffed, giving you a pointed look. “If I have to watch you two make googly eyes at you one more fucking day with neither of you doing anything about it-”
You rolled your eyes. “Oh come on, Sammy-”
“Don’t ‘come on, Sammy’ me! And don’t come at me with that ‘he doesn’t like me back’ bullshit. If you think for a second that boy wouldn’t follow you to the depths of the fucking ocean, you’re blind as a bat, woman.”
You shrugged, pushing up the sleeves of Bucky’s too big jacket. “It just…hasn’t come up.”
He deadpanned, shaking his head and standing up. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are driving me insane. I’m gonna lock you in a room until you have the conversation that needs to be had the next time either of you does something stupid.”
“Yikes. That’s gonna be quick.” At his look, your smile dropped and you nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll…I’ll bring it up later.”
“Tomorrow or nothing.”
“Sam-”
Sam tilted his head, brow creasing. “Is it still Steve? Is that what this is still about? Because he’s gone, and he’s been gone and you need to get over it-”
“No. It’s not…” You sighed. “It clicked the other day. When we were hanging out. Steve left and, yeah, I might always love him, but Bucky…God…I love Bucky, Sam.”
The man grinned proudly. “I’m glad to finally hear you admit it. So what’s the problem?”
“It’s still complicated, right? I mean…he’s his best friend and I’ve never dealt with stuff like this before and-”
Sam’s smile dropped and he groaned again. “Imma head out. I can’t take this. Dumbass and dumberass. I swear to God.” You sniggered a bit as he grumbled, walking towards the ramp to climb off the boat, just as Bucky reappeared.
“Hey-”
“Nope! Not right now, Barnes! I can’t handle it! I can’t!”
Bucky gave you a weird look. “What’d you do?”
You chuckled, shaking your head. “Nothing.”
“Well, c’mon, doll. Sarah said she’s gonna make gumbo for us, whatever that is.” He held out his hand as you walked over.
“You’re such a city boy.” You teased lightly, taking his hand and letting him help you pull you onto the dock. You shoved the sleeves of his jackets up again since they slipped from the first time. “Let’s go get some dinner. I’m starving.”
******************
“We have the couch and a mattress we can pull out, I just have to make Sam get it from the attic-”
“That’s alright. The couch is fine.” Bucky waved dismissively while you nodded in agreement.
Sarah raised an eyebrow at you two. “For both of you?”
You blinked, exchanging a look with Bucky, before shrugging and turning back to her. “Yeah.”
“Don’t fight it, Sarah.” Sam peeked out from the hall. “They’ve got a weird relationship.” You stuck your tongue out at the man while Bucky rolled his eyes, dropping your duffle bag by the couch. “How mature, Y/N.” Sam mimicked your action.
“Uhm…okay. Let me set up the couch for you then.”
Once everything was set up, you and Bucky thanking her for dinner - delicious and you’d never seen Bucky smile so much, the boys having kept him highly entertained throughout the meal - and for letting you crash, Sam and Sarah headed to their rooms, the boys already having been tucked in for the night.
“Are you gonna sleep on the floor?” You asked quietly, sitting down on the couch and doing the things for your night routine you didn’t already do in the bathroom.
“I think I’ll be okay.” He sat besides you. “I’ve been doing fine the past week or so.”
You smiled at him. “That’s good. Alright.” You stood up and stretched. “Let me just make sure everything’s in the bag and ready-”
You yelped when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest, shifting down to lay against the couch’s arm. “Do it in the morning.” He yawned, looking up at you tiredly. “I wanna go to sleep.”
“Then go to sleep, Buck. I’ll be right back.” He shook his head, his hold tightening as he sunk deeper into the couch.
“No. I fall asleep better with you.”
You rolled your eyes but grinned, settling down with your legs between his, your chin resting on his sternum so you could still look at him. He beamed, but you could see the exhaustion settling in, and he grabbed the blanket Sarah left over the back of the couch and draped it across your back, over both of your legs, before his arms crossed snugly under the covers at the small of your back.
“Dinner was nice tonight. I haven’t had a meal cooked like that in ages.” You hummed.
He nodded in agreement. “I think that’s the first time I’ve sat around a table with a family since the 40′s.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”
“Yeah...kinda makes me wish I had my own.”
“Your own what?”
“Family.”
You bit your lip, shyly avoiding his gaze. “You’re my family, Buck.”
A light kiss was pressed to your forehead, his fingers bringing your gaze back to his. “There’s no one else I’d rather have.” The room lapsed into silence again, the clock ticking on the wall, the low sound of crickets outside.
“You have really pretty eyes.” You mumbled, tilting your head slightly as you studied them. They always held so much emotion in them, especially in contrast to when you first met him as Soldat. They matched the water you fell in, and you wouldn’t mind falling over and over into them.
“Yeah, well, you’re just really pretty inside and out, so I think you’ve got me beat, doll.” He whispered back.
“You know who else is pretty? Sarah.”
He nodded with a hum. “That’s true. But I meant what I said. You’ll always be my doll.”
“So you’re not gonna ask her out?”
He gave you a weird look as you traced his sharp jawline absentmindedly. “Nah, sweetheart. It’s just…some harmless flirting. Except on Sam’s part.”
You gave a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah…he’s gonna strangle you. It is nice to see you like that, though. Flirty. Relaxed. Happy.”
“You make me happy, sweetheart.” He hummed, nosing your temple. “The road trip helped. I’m learning everything from you. Maybe not the flirting, but the carefree part.”
You blinked at him, finger stopping for a moment as you thought. “Oh…”
You felt his fingers dance up your spine, making you shiver slightly. “What I would give to know what’s goin’ on inside that pretty lil’ head’a yours, doll.”
“I just think it’s funny you’re learning how to be carefree from me…when I just started learning how to do it myself.”
“Oh yeah?”
You nodded, your finger continuing its path down his jaw. “I think it started with the goats.”
“The goats?”
You nodded again, resting your cheek on his chest, watching your finger move up from his chin. Once you got to the end of his jaw, you lightly scratched his scruff. “In Wakanda. Our goats.” You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way he physically melted at your words, his eyes going soft, his lips turning up slightly.
“Our goats, huh?”
But your tired brain wasn’t really processing what he said, instead focusing on the features your finger was now tracing - over his lips, up his nose. “You’re pretty too, Buck. Did you know that? Inside and out.”
He craned his neck to kiss your forehead. “Go to sleep, cuddle bug.”
Nodding, you nuzzled into his chest, finger feeling over the bumps and indents on the dog tags resting near your head. You tried going to sleep, but you kept shifting, your mind not shutting off.
“Hey, sleepyhead, I’m trying to, you know, sleep.”
“Sorry.” You apologized meekly. “I just…I dunno. I can’t.”
“Are you comfortable?” He peeked open and eye to look at you questioningly. You nodded. “Is it too hot? We can take the blanket off. I know I’m a walking furnace-”
You shook your head. “No. I don’t know why. I just can’t sleep.”
He licked his lips thoughtfully, before cradling your head and guiding you back down to his chest. “Lay down, sweetheart. Relax.” He stroked your hair, moving his head down to rub circles in your back muscles, pressing down harder when he felt knots.
You hummed, your eyes closing. “That feels good.”
“Shshsh. Just go to sleep.” His lips pressed against your head once more, lingering a bit longer than they usually do, as you felt yourself drift off. You cuddled his side, throwing a leg over his waist, before nodding off, only barely hearing his words. “Attagirl. There we are.”
******************
“Doll?” You felt a shift underneath you and groaned, your eyes barely cracking open. “Hey, sleepyhead…it’s okay. I’m just gonna slip out from under ya, alright? Gonna go help Sammy with somethin’.”
You raised an eyebrow, letting him move you against the cushions as he sat up on the edge of the couch. “Sammy?”
“Yeah.” He bent over and kissed your cheek. You stretched out your limbs, about to rub your eyes, when he stopped you, kissing the inside of your wrists. “No. Not you, doll. Go back to sleep.”
“Bu’...’m gonna help.” You slurred out, looking at him with confused, squinty eyes.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Rest. You can help when you wake up again. Okay?” You mumbled out an “okay”, bringing the covers up to your chin and snuggling deeper into the cushions. “There ya go, cuddle bug. Good girl.” There was another kiss, one to your temple this time, before you slipped back into unconsciousness.
******************
The next time you woke up was because of a clatter in the kitchen. You yawned and sat up, stretching, eyebrows furrowing when you realized Bucky wasn’t with you. It took you a moment to remember your conversation, which you half thought you dreamt.
“Boys!”
“Sorry!”
You chuckled at the shouts, rubbing your eyes. “I am so sorry!” Sarah apologized, looking over at you from the stove. Trying to make the boys breakfast before school. Do you want anything? Eggs? Cereal? Toast?”
“Uh, cereal’s fine.” You stretched out your back again, before throwing back the covers and standing up, a little shakily.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where Sam went, would you?”
You raised an eyebrow. “Uh, I think him and Bucky went to fix something on the boat. I don’t for sure, though.”
Sarah groaned. “He probably went to fix the stupid water pump which doens’t need fixing. Dumbass.”
You chuckled, padding over into the kitchen. “Yeah. I just work with him. I can’t imagine growing up with him.”
“Trust me; some days you want to throw him in a box and send him out to sea. Bowls are in that cupboard.”
You snickered, moving over to grab a bowl from the cupboard she pointed to. “That’s how I feel with Bucky. Sam is less often, but when those two get together…it’s a full zoo.”
She laughed at that, nodding as she got out the milk and a few boxes of cereal for you to choose from, handing you a spoon. “That I believe.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
You started pouring your cereal, watching in slight amusement as she got the boys ready for school. “Bus is here! Get out the door! Bye! Love you! Make sure you take those extra lunches to-!”
“Yeah, mom! We know! Love you too!”
You gave a slight smirk as she huffed, looking around the kitchen at the pans and dishes left out. “Kids, huh?”
She gave you a smile. “Yeah. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. How about you? Any thoughts of kids?”
“Me?” Your eyes widened, nearly choking on your food. “Oh God no. Not right now, at least. I don’t even have a solid house right now. My life’s too off the walls for that.”
“And Bucky?”
You raised an eyebrow as she leaned on the counter. “Bucky? What about Bucky?”
“Does he want kids?”
“Uh…I dunno.” You shrugged, clearing your throat as you remembered your talk last night. “Kinda makes me wish I had my own.” You quickly pushed his words aside. “He hasn’t told me.”
“Wait, wait. You two…aren’t together then?”
You blinked, your eyes widening again. “Together? Me and Bucky? No…why? Did Sam say something?”
Her expression morphed into one of disbelief, crossing her arms. “Sam didn’t say anything. You guys did. Are you seriously expecting me to believe you aren’t together?”
“We’re not! I mean - he was flirting with you yesterday-”
“Right, okay. Honey, that’s flirting. And it’s harmless. The way he follows you like a puppy and you look at him like he hung the stars? That’s feelings. And that’s a lot more impactful than flirting.”
You frowned in contemplation. It was really that obvious? You were really that blind? This whole time? You knew Sam knew - but you just figured that’s because he’s been there since it started. And Sharon knew for the same reason. But Sarah? The woman you just met the day prior and had barely had a conversation with?
“It’s, uh…” You chewed on your cheek, swirling your cereal around. “It’s complicated.”
Sarah didn’t look impressed. “Do you like him?”
“I’m kinda in love with him-”
She shrugged, not letting you finish your bashful statement. “Then I don’t see what’s complicated about it.”
And that was that. She turned to clean up breakfast, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
You thought it was more complicated than that. I mean…you were in love with your best friend. Who left you. With the guy you had feelings for who just so happened to be your best friend/crush’s best friend. And now you were completely in love with your best friend’s best friend, but your best friend still had a piece of your heart.
But…you loved Bucky. And he was here. And Steve was not. And when you put it that way…you guess it wasn’t so complicated after all.
******************
You snickered as you walked up behind Sarah, the woman berating the men for not leaving the water pump along like she asked.
“Hi, Sarah.”
Sam shot Bucky a warning look, who grinned, but you were surprised to see Sarah ignore him, sending you a knowing glance instead, before turning back to Sam. “I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, and yet, here you are.”
“Yep, Samuel.”
You chuckled, Bucky shooting you a wink. “Yeah, Samuel.”
Sam narrowed his eyes at you, turning to Sarah. “In our defense, you were supposed to be done long before you woke up.”
You nearly facepalmed at his “defensive” and you were trying so hard to hold back laughing as she told Sam off, sending them away.
“I don’t wanna hear a peep from you.” Sam pointed at you, but that only made your chortles come out, and you didn’t even bother hiding them. “She’s a very mean person.”
“It’s tough love.”
You giggled as they started arguing, slipping an arm around their waists, their arms instinctually coming up to your shoulders.
“Oh my God. A prowess?”
“Yes, Y/N. A prowess.”
“You know, maybe if you someone let me help-”
“Hey, woah! You were tired! I let you sleep! I was being nice!”
“Too late now. I’ll be lucky if Sarah lets me within a hundred feet of it!”
“She got you so good, Sammy!”
“I agree with Buck for once! You’re too snippy right now! And c’mon man! Stop flirting with my sister!”
“It’s my natural charm.”
“Charm? What charm?”
“Ouch, doll! That one hurt!”
****************
“Okay.” You stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the couch and setting the bag down on it. “I’ve got everything packed. We’ve got a little over an hour until we need to head out which gives you two time to go set something up for Sammy and maybe even a bit or training before we leave.”
Bucky frowned. “You’re not gonna come out?”
“I will in a bit. I just got a phone call I need to take.”
Sam narrowed his eyes. “Government call?”
You gave a mocking smile. “Can you guess what they want to talk about? It’s okay. I’ll survive. It’s only a phone call, so I can always hang up. Pretend I didn’t have good service. I do it all the time.”
“I’m sure you do.” Sam chuckled. “In that case, I’m gonna go grab some stuff and get the shield.” As he walked out, he made sure to mouth at you behind Bucky’s back ‘conversation’ making you swallow thickly. You were planning on talking to Bucky anyways, and with Sam’s insistence…
“Okay, so, I was thinking when we get back-”
“Can I talk to you?”
Bucky stopped digging through the bag, blinking at you in surprise at your sudden burst. “Uh…well, we already are, so yes.” He chuckled, straightening and crossing his arms.
“I wanna have the conversation.”
He was left stunned, once again, his mouth opening and closing and his weight shifting form one foot to the other. “Like…that conversation? R-right now? Are you sure?”
You winced at her nervousness. “Sorry, sorry. I know it’s kinda…I just…I need to talk about it. Now.”
“Okay, okay. No, that’s fine. Don’t apologize. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That’s all.”
“Okay…” You breathed with a small nod. You opened your mouth, but Bucky shook his head.
“I hafta say this first; I didn’t mean to hurt you by telling you about Steve. I-I dunno what I thought. That it’d give you closure or something. I dunno. But it hurt you and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”
“Buck-”
“I was jealous. And guilty. And mad. And upset. I still am. Kinda. I guess. I dunno.” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair and all you could do was gape at him as he started confessing to you. “Remember when we danced? In Madripoor? Doll…I don’t wanna dance ever again if it’s not with you. I fucking love you, Y/N. And not in the way we’ve said it before. I’m in love with you. I have been for-for a while now. I just - you were Steve’s. Steve loved you and you loved Steve and that was that and I was just the broken childhood best friend. But Steve left and he told me to take care of you and I didn’t know what to do with that, because you still love Steve. I think. I dunno. And I didn’t want to break what we have because you’re all I have left of him. You and that stupid shield. You’re my family. My home. I really meant it when I told you that. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Because it means too much for me to break what we have because I fell in love with my best friend’s girl. You know?”
He looked at you with pleading eyes, begging you to understand, but your brain was still trying to process what he was telling you.
“Oh God…” He groaned. “And now I just told you everything and you’re looking at me like that wasn’t what you wanted to hear and now I’m thinking this wasn’t the conversation you were thinking it was going to be-”
You were moving across the room before you could stop yourself, pulling him by the teal Henley you knew was comfortable having worn it to bed before when you visited him in New York, and slanting your lips over his.
His breathing hitched and he froze, and for a hot second you thought you made everything worse, but then he was kissing you back and his hands were on your hips and he was pulling you closer and it felt so fucking good you didn’t want to pull back for air.
“Shut up.” You muttered when you finally did pull back, your forehead against his, your eyes clenched shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.” You pulled back to look up at him, chests heaving against each other, your eyes prickling. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at opening up. I only ever was good at it with Steve but Bucky…I’ve been doing it with you. This whole time and I didn’t even realize it until the conversation in the car.”
He reached up to cup your cheeks, wiping away the relieved tears that were falling from the weight you were finally getting off your chest.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. How could I not be? After all that time in Wakanda? I was never Steve’s girl, Bucky. I wanted to be. Dammit, did I wanna be, but I wasn’t. Not really. And he’s gone. But you’re not. And I don’t know why it took me so long to see that. That you’re the one in front of me. You’re the one who held me when I needed it once he left. You’re the one that would listen to my rambles that I’m just realizing was most of our phone calls. You’re not just the broken childhood friend. Don’t ever think that. I don’t pick up the phone at five in the morning after searching for a friend until two for just anyone. Even Steve’s best friend. And I’m such an idiot because I’ve been pushing away my feelings all these years for Steve and then I let them out with you at the wrong time, because I love Steve, Bucky, but I’m not in love with him. Not since I fell in love with you. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but Steve was the first one I cared about and that’s just how I feel and I can try to explain, but-”
His lips crashed onto yours again and you could taste the salty tears that were pouring down your cheeks, but you didn’t care. He was holding you and he was kissing you and it was even more perfect than you thought it’d be.
“You’re adorable when you ramble, but Jesus Christ, shuddup, doll.” He breathed. “Just tell me you love me. Tell me you love me just a fraction of how much I love you.”
You looked up into those ocean eyes, your own shining with earnest affection. “James Buchanan Barnes. I love you.”
“That’s all I need to know.” He murmured against your lips, holding your head against his, still wiping away your tears. It felt like with each one that fell, you felt lighter and lighter. Like they were taking away every fear and anxiety you held within you for the past six months.
“Alright! I was thinking we could just set up in these trees out here - holy shit! Is it done? Did you do it? Did I miss it? Has the conversation been had?”
Bucky chuckled as you giggled. “He has the worst timing.” The last two words were loud enough so Sam could hear, although the man heard the whole sentence.
“I’m gonna take that as a yes!” Sam cheered. “Halle-fucking-lujah! Finally! I was that close to locking you two in the attic.”
You shook your head at Sam’s personal celebration, drowning the rest of his words out as you looked at Bucky, who swept his thumb over your cheek catching one last tear, before pecking your lips.
“I finally get to kiss where I really want to.” He spoke softly, kissing your lips again. “Are you mine, doll?”
“I thought you said I’d always be your doll.” You answered cheekily. He grinned, kissing you again, pulling you against him by the hips.
“Okay, okay! That’s enough! We get it! You’re in love, finally, but I don’t wanna see it anymore! Now will you come help me with this shit?”
Bucky left one more lingering kiss on your lips, before you pushed him away reluctantly. “I’ll be right out.”
He nodded, moving over to help Sam carry the things he’d gathered.
You watched them put it all up from the window, gnawing on your cheek as you spun your phone in your hands. Coming to a decision, you tossed your phone in the duffle bag and walked out with it just as the boys finished.
“That was a quick phone call.” Sam raised an eyebrow.
You shrugged. “Didn’t call them. If they really need me, they’ll find me.”
Bucky grinned as you set the bag down under a tree, pecking your lips when you got close enough for him to grab by the waist to hold you against him. You rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully away and giggling as Sam let out a groan.
“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got, Sammy.”
~
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Bucky knew he needed the tough love talk Sam was giving him. He needed to hear it. Because, deep down, he had known it all along, he just refused to believe it. He tried doing it. Making amends. He knew he wasn’t though. And of course he knew immediately who that one person would be.
“And hey.” Bucky looked at him. “Let me tell you what. Telling my girl all that you told her? That’s a good start. I’m proud of you. Both of you. You’re already happier. I can see it in your eyes.”
Bucky chuckled, shaking his head as he thought of the gorgeous woman he nearly let slip through his fingers. He looked over to the house, where she was inside somewhere getting ready after suddenly deciding she needed to shower before they left. “I was stupid.”
“Yeah you were. You both were. I’m so relieved it’s over.” Sam nudged him. “Treat her right, Buck. She deserves it.”
“I know…I just hope I can.”
Sam shook his head. “Uh-uh. Don’t do that. You were just starting to use that cyborg brain of yours! She chose you. And before you say anything,” Sam cut Bucky off from speaking as he opened his mouth to object. “She chose you before Steve left. It just took her dumbass this long to realize it.”
Bucky nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay…” Before he could say anything, the goddess herself stepped out, jogging over, looking absolutely amazing in her jeans and his t-shirt. “Good talk.”
Sam laughed at his quick ending of the conversation as she came up besides them. “Talking about me?” She asked cheekily, eyes shining. Bucky couldn’t help but take her under his arm, pecking her lips. Now that he could, he didn’t think he could stop. He was addicted to say the least.
Throwing Bucky a wink, Sam shrugged. “Just all the things that get on our nerves.”
“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes. “We better get going.”
Bucky and Sam clapped hands. “You know Karli won’t quit.”
Bucky smiled. “Ah. You call us when you have a lead and we’ll be there.”
Y/N stepped forwards to give Sam a hug. “Anytime, Sammy.”
“Eh. Anytime between noon and midnight.” Bucky corrected. “Or noon and ten. Noon and five…you better just call at noon to be safe.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”
“Not necessarily as a team.” Bucky continued, grabbing the bag, getting Y/N back in her spot at his side under his arm.
“Nope!”
“We’re not that good.”
“Definitely not.”
“We’re professionals.”
“Definitely.”
“And, uh, we’re partners.”
Sam snapped, pointing at him. “Coworkers.”
“But we’re also a couple of guys with a couple mutual friends.”
“Ones now gone and you’re dating the other.”
“So we’re a couple of guys…with a badass to help out.”
“I can live with that.”
“Perfect.”
“Oh my God.” Y/N let out that laugh Bucky could never get enough of, shaking her head at the two of them. “You forgot dumbasses.”
Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh. That’s your couple name.”
“Dumbasses?”
“Oh yeah.” The three of them came to a stop, Bucky and his girl - God he loved confirming it now - facing Sam. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”
Bucky patted his shoulder. “Of course.”
Y/N shot him a wink. “Until we meet again, Sammy.”
“Until then, cher.”
Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as she wrapped her arms around his waist, the two of them starting to walk to the main road where she already ordered an Uber. He looked down at her, kissing her lips for the nth time in the past hour.
“I wish I didn’t wait so long,” he told her seriously. “But I’d wait a thousands more centuries if it meant I get to call you mine.”
She giggled, shaking her head. “You’re such a sap! But…” she moved up to kiss him and his heart stuttered. He knew he had a goofy grin on when she pulled back, but he couldn’t help it. Especially when she laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that, Buckaroo.”
#cjsinkythoughts#cjswriting#cjsspoilers#fatws spoilers#tfatws spoilers#falcon and the winter soldier spoilers#fatws#tfatws#falcon and the winter soldier#fatws series#fatws pt 6.3#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes x avenger!reader#bucky x avenger!reader#bucky barnes#❤🐦💙🦾#💙🦾
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When in Paris ✶ Ushijima Wakatoshi & Tendou Satori
✶Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x fem!reader x Tendou Satori
✶Warnings: poly relationship, established relationship, characters aged up, fluff.
✶Warnings: nsfw, smut, ass smacking, oral (female/male receiving), rimming (female receiving), double penetration, praise kink, size kink, multiple orgasms, double creampies and anything else I missed.
✶Word Count: 2.7k
✶Written for the lovely @semisgroupie 500 followers Poly Collab! Thank you for letting me join Dee and congrats on all the followers!! Find the others wonderful work here! Also part of @bubbleteaimagines Three's a Crowd Collab. Find the masterlist here!!
✶A/N: HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE!!!!! @kenmaskittenswriting you deserve all the love in the world and so much more! I hope you enjoy this threesome. Have a fantastic day baby!!
Thank you to my beta readers! And a special thank you to my lovely Sho for helping me with this!!!!
You excitedly exited the plane and ran to your now bald handsome boyfriend, your other boyfriend carrying your bags behind you like the gentlemen he is. You squealed when Tendou lifted you up off the ground, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist as he spun you.
“Don’t make her sick, Satori. You know she doesn’t do well on plane rides.” Ushijima said a gentle warning from behind you. It was so heartwarming that he always looked out for you.
“I know Toshi. I would never forget about our precious little kitten.” Tendou pressed a kiss to your forehead as he set you down. With a relaxed sigh you leaned into the touch you’ve missed so much, until he let go of you to hug Ushijima instead.
“God, We’ve missed you so much,” you said deeply stirred, as you watched your boyfriends embracing each other firmly, “And we’re so excited to finally be here, Tori!” You added, smiling at the two.
Your relationship with Ushijima and Tendou has always been an interesting one. You initially started dating Ushijima in high school, just the two of you. A couple years after high school, you and Ushijima visited Tendou in Paris for the first time and drink after drink led to one another and you found yourself sandwiched between them, stuffed full with more than just carnal desire. From that moment on, glances you exchanged changed from lust to affection, the three of you started a relationship together. The two of you visited Tendou as often as you could with Ushijima’s busy volleyball schedule and your high demanding job. With Ushijima being in his off season, and you finally having a breather from work, you decided it was time to pay a visit to your still very quirky chocolaterie boyfriend. The three of you made your way to Tendou’s apartment after getting the rest of your luggage.
“Any special plans while we’re here?” You asked eventually, leaning against Tendou’s shoulder while you held Ushijima’s strong hand.
“I made some changes to the shop, as you know, so there will be some things to see. Plus a new cafe has opened down the street from my house and they make your favorite type of little sandwiches!” Tendou says, chuckling when he sees the beaming look on your face.
“Has the shop been doing well since the changes?” Ushijima asked, rubbing small circles on the back of your hand.
“Yes, yes! The customers seem to be enjoying the new recipes. How has work been, my Love?” Tendou asked you.
“Pretty busy, but rather boring without you. Let’s not talk about work! I am here to have fun and have a great time!” You said, smiling at him. “But first I want to lay down for a bit. That flight was rough.”
You arrived at Tendou’s apartment and the two boys grabbed their bags and headed up the stairs. Once the door was open, you flopped down on the couch and sighed into pillows, breathing in the familiar scent.
“This is so nice...” You mumbled into the pillows, turning over to see the two smiling at you.
“Why don’t you sleep? We’ll go, grab some groceries for dinner, and then we’ll cook!” Tendou said. Ushijima walked over to the couch and bent down to give you a chaste kiss on your forehead.
“We’ll be back soon, Love, okay?” You smiled at him as you nodded, and closed your eyes as the two left to go grab groceries.
The three of you sat at the table, a couple bottles of wine gone, and laughter filled the apartment. The buzz of the apartment made you happy to finally be together with both of your boyfriends. You’ve missed this and you couldn’t be more happy.
After you cleaned up and were sitting on the couch, an idea popped into your head. “I’ll be right back!” You said, as you got up from the couch and made your way into the bedroom.
You grabbed your bag and went to the restroom. You started to take out a lingerie set, looking down, not noticing Tendou slipping into the restroom. You gasped when you felt hands wrap around your slender waist, slowly moving under your shirt, causing a small sigh to slip through your lips.
“You think you could just stalk off and I wouldn’t know what you're up to, hmm?” Tendou whispered in your ear, his hands moving up higher and cupping your breasts tenderly. He gave a slow but demanding squeeze, causing you to push back into him.
“I wanted to—ah!” You couldn’t finish your sentence because Tendou pulled your bra down hastily and gripped your nipples between his fingers as his nose nuzzled at your temple. You leaned your head back onto his shoulder, wanting more, and finally his mouth caught yours in a heated kiss.
The two of you fought for dominance, heat and need rising equally, as one of his hands moved down to the front of your skirt painfully slowly snaking into your panties. You pushed up into him, just wanting him to touch you properly already.
You loved being with Ushijima, always more than satisfied when the two of you were together, but you wouldn’t lie and say you didn’t crave Tendou’s touch, too. While Ushijima was the bigger of the two, Tendou’s touches were gentler, a bit more sentimental.
You gasped when you felt Tedou’s long fingers starting to leisurely rub small circles on your clothed clit. He broke the kiss abruptly, swiftly pulling your shirt over your head along with your bra while he maneuvered you in the bedroom, and pushed you down face first onto the bed. The sudden sound of a throat clearing made you flinch slightly.
“Really you two? Playing without me, hmm?” Ushijima asked, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.
“Wakatoshi, you can always have her. I wanted her all to myself for a bit.” Tendou said, impatience letting his voice sound huskily, as he ran his fingers over your clothed slit. A moan fell from your lips as he continued to tease. With steady steps Ushijima started to walk over to the bed but Tendou stopped him with his free hand on a muscled chest. “Why don’t we make him watch us, huh, Kitten? You would like that, wouldn’t you?”
His fingers pushed your panties to the side and his pointer finger finally glided smoothly into your waiting hole. You moaned loudly when you glanced back and saw the two making out passionately, as another long slender finger entered you. Tendou helped Ushijima take his shirt off; You whined when Tendou’s fingers left you, so he could take his shirt off, too. Your skirt and panties were finally taken off then, and Tendou made Ushijma sit on the bed in front of you. Meanwhile, Tendou got on his knees behind you, eyes looking at your glistening pussy, groaning when he saw you clenching around nothing. His hands slowly made their way up your thighs to your ass, spreading your cheeks and then smacking your ass.
“We’re going to have so much fun, Kitten.” Tendou said, his mouth lowering to your pussy. “I’ve missed the taste of you.”
You gasped when you felt his tongue start to make small wet circles on your clit. He laid his tongue flat as he licked a long stripe from your clit all the way to your ass. You moaned loudly when you felt his tongue start to make circles around your other hole while his thumb made its way to your clit. Ushijima in front of you started to palm himself through his shorts as he watched Tendou eat your ass, lips parted and eyes hungry. You whimpered when you felt Tendou’s tongue start to go in and out of the tight ring, his thumb not letting up on your clit. He alternated between both holes, which had you quickly cumming for the first time of the night. You reached out and grabbed Ushijima’s shorts, wanting more, wanting him, too! A hard smack landed on your ass as a punishment, making you yelp.
“No touching him until I say, Kitten.” Tendou murmured, standing up and taking the rest of his clothes off. You could see out of the corner of your eyes that his cock sprung free, hitting his stomach with a lewd smacking sound. He got behind you again, pumping his cock a few times before slowly pushing himself into your pussy. You dropped your head into the mattress as you felt his cock deliciously stretching you out. God, he felt so, so good! Once he bottomed out, a groan escaped his lips and he stayed still. “So warm, so tight. All that fucking the two of you do, and she’s still so tight, Wakatoshi. Amazing...”
Ushijima’s eyes darkened a bit more as Tendou started to roll his hips torturously slowly.. Ushijima pulled his shorts and underwear down, throwing them to the side, taking his large cock in his hand. You moaned when you saw him fisting himself, because he was watching you getting railed.
“Please...” You demanded something, not quite sure what even.
“Please what, Kitten? Use your pretty voice.” Tendou said with a small laugh, slowing his speed to tease you even more.
“Please let me suck Toshi. Please!” You whined out, pushing your hips back into him. Seeking the warmth you’d been deprived off for so long.
“What do you think Wakatoshi? Has our kitten been a good girl?” You nodded your head furiously, and Tendou smacked your ass again as it wasn’t you being addressed.
“She has been a good girl.” Ushijima said with a soft voice, shifting closer, so his cock was in your face and his free hand came up to caress your cheek.
“Go ahead then kitten, make Wakatoshi feel as good as I feel.”
You didn't hesitate. You grabbed his cock with one hand and brought him into your mouth. Tendou started thrusting again, his pace making you take more of Ushijima. Groans escaped the two men as Ushijima’s hand made their way to your hair. You bobbed up and down as best as you could while being fucked by Tendou from behind. Tears started to fill your eyes, lack of oxygen making you dizzy, as you tried to take more of Ushijima down your throat. He was by no means small and you always struggled to suck him off. What you couldn't take in your mouth, your hand made up for.
“She likes this Wakatoshi. I can feel her tightening around me.”
“You like being stuffed, baby? Like being full of two cocks?” You moaned around the thick dick in response, feeling your second orgasm of the night warming in your belly, curling your toes, too .
“Are you close again, baby? Your greedy pussy is pulsing around me so nicely.” The way Tendou’s words fell from his mouth had you seeing stars. You could tell both men were close as well, Tendou’s movements were getting a bit sloppy and Ushijima’s cock was spasming in your throat.
“You’re going to cum with us, right, Baby?” Ushijima asked with a deep lust-filled voice, as he started to thrust his hips into your mouth in earnest. His hips stilled then, a groan leaving his lips, and he held your head in place as hot thick ropes of his cum painting your throat white. The knot in your stomach snapped as you gushed around Tendou’s cock. Tendou moaned louder as his hips snapped in a final harsh thrust and he stilled as well, his cum burying deep within your pussy. Ushijima wiped the tears from your eyes as the cum you couldn’t swallow spilled onto his thighs. Tendou pulled his softening dick out of you, making you whimper from the sudden loss, as Ushijima’s cock slipped out, too, and you laid your exhausted head on his firm thighs.
“Let’s clean her up and give her a deserved break.” Ushijima said and Tendou nodded to do just this. It was so soothing how he cleaned you up with careful movements, before Ushijima pulled you up his chest. And it felt utterly perfect, as Tendou settled behind you, too, after he’d finished his duty.
“I’m okay, Toshi.” You whispered, running your slender fingers up and down his broad chest. You placed soft kisses on his neck, one of his weak spots, earning a slight groan from him. Tendou ran long pale fingers through your hair, as he placed kisses along your nape and down your slightly arched back.
“I’m ready. I want both of you inside. Please, I need you so much.” You murmured your demand against heated skin.
Ushijima looked at Tendou and nodded once, sharp, decidedly, as Tendou got up to get the lube from the nightstand. Your hand went down to Ushijima’s hardening cock, gripping it in your hand. You kissed him feverishly as you pumped his cock and Tendou opened the bottle of lube and lathered you up. Ushijima pulled you on top of him and he slid right in your pussy, still wet from Tendou’s leftover cum, with a sweet, painfully smooth thrust. You gasped as he filled you up completely, or even more, you couldn’t tell anymore. You moan again, when you feel Tendou’s finger make slow circles around your rim before slowly pushing his finger in. You fell flat against Ushijima’s chest, your breasts pushing into him. Tendou added another finger, too slow yet too fast at the same time, and you already felt so utterly full. Ushijima rubbed your back and stayed still while Tendou removed his fingers to move, and positioned himself between your legs. His tip slowly started to press against the ring, the thick head of his cock sliding into your ass then, and you felt the tears spring to your eyes once more. You clung to Ushijima, breathy whiny whimpers leaving your trembling lips as Tendou continued to move deeper.
“You’re doing so well, Kitten. Taking the two of us like you were made for us. We know it’s been a while, but you're such a good girl, so brave!.” Tendou said in awe, rubbing your ass while Ushijima rubbed your back to make you relax.
“A very good girl. Taking the both of us, such a perfect baby.” Ushijima hummed. You loosened up at the praise and let out an air-cutting moan when Tendou bottomed out with a last sharp push. You could feel their two cocks rubbing together inside of you, barely separated between the thin layer of skin between your pussy and ass. Tendou set the pace as he started to move in and out of you. Ushijima lifted his hips up and started to meet Tendou’s pace. You became a babbling mess as the two cocks stuffed you full oh so perfectly. The tears continued to flow as Ushijima’s cock hit that spongy sweet spot in your pussy, your clit rubbing on his pelvic bone with each roll of hips.
“Her pussy was so tight, but her ass is squeezing me even tighter. I won’t last much longer, Wakatoshi.” Tendou panted out, the sweat clinging on all your bodies.
“She’s squeezing me, too. She’s very close. I can feel it.”
Your eyes closed as you felt the searing knot in your stomach returning. You knew you’d be tired after cumming three times now. Their pace picked up and you cried out as you squirted all over them, your final orgasm of the night hitting you hard as Tendou sealed it with a last brutal thrust. They both groaned then, and stilled at the same time, breathing fast in the aftermath of their orgasms. Just like you.
You felt yourself full of cum after the two had come inside of you simultaneously. Tendou leaned down and placed soft kisses down your spine as Ushijma kissed your temple with his thin lips. Tendou pulled out first, leaving again to turn on the bath for you. Ushijima sat up, still inside of you and got up off the bed, holding you as tight as you clung to him, heading to the bathroom. Once cleaned up, back in bed, you laid on Tendou’s chest while Ushijima spooned you from behind.
“I’m so happy to finally be together with both of you.” You whispered out, love tightening around your words.
“We’re, too. And we love you so much, baby.” Ushijima said, pressing his lips softly into your shoulder.
“Round three?” Tendou jokingly asked with a smug smirk on his lips, and you playfully slapped his chest in return.
“We have all the time in the world while we’re here.” You sighed heavenly. Needless to say, you didn’t leave the apartment much during your time in Paris.
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#ushijima smut#tendou smut#haikyu smut#ushiten smut#ushiten#haikyuu!! fanfiction#haikyuu!! x reader#haikyuu imagines#ushijima wakatoshi#tendou satori#hqintheclub#semisgroupie polycollab
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i am interested in your hades au, would you mind giving some details about it? 👁 it looks really interesting
[This AU is from these drawings!]
*cracks knuckles* Ok! I actually got enough sleep last night so I'm finally feeling up to explaining this au lmao
Also I hope that by “some details” you meant “way way too many” because I am nothing if not long winded. Also @hades-hellsite asked for context too, here you go
The central premise is that, after he dies, Achilles manages to make an arrangement with Hades that allows both him and Patroclus to stay in Elysium together. He's not employed to work at the house and he never becomes Zagreus's combat trainer.
Hades makes a few attempts to find Zagreus a different teacher among the shades of great warriors, but being skilled does not make someone able to teach. And being able to teach one way doesn't mean someone will be good for every student. When Zagreus doesn't learn well with the few mentors Hades tries, which he barely gives a chance to breathe anyway, he's quick to decide that he must have no martial ability and declares Zagreus a failure in that as he has about so many things.
This has two major effects on Zagreus before his escape attempts begin. One, without any chance to actually grow into aptitude in combat, he's left without anything substantial to put his energy into and, more importantly, he's left without anything he feels good at and that gives value to his efforts. Two is that, in Achilles' absence, very few people in the house give him any care and support untwisted by the politics of the house and the judgment of his father. There is Orpheus, kind to him before Hades locks him away for refusing to sing, Hypnos, willing to put the house to sleep so he can find the truth though jumbled up in his own problems, and Nyx.
Nyx is the only one to aid Zagreus when he decides to try to escape. She contacts Olympus and weaves careful lies to win their support and blesses his departure. She's also the only one who believes that Zagreus has the slightest chance of escaping. Already in canon, most everyone tells him there no way he'll make it out, but here, it's so much worse. He doesn't know how to fight, his initial attempts are pitiful and his progress negligible, and near everyone lashes out at him to get back in line and stop making things worse.
He doesn't even have the Infernal Arms. Achilles is the one who brings them to him in canon; here Zagreus takes a simple bronze sword from one of the house's many displays of weapons from wars long past. He thanks the Fates that the Styx restores it the same way it does his body when he dies because he nicks and dulls the edges every time.
Despite all the disadvantages, Zagreus throws himself into escaping with unshakable determination, bone deep stubbornness. He picks up his sword and will figure out how to use it himself. Experience will be his teacher. He dies over and over and he watches his enemies and learns how they move and how he must react, mimicking their attacks for his own use and adjusting and adjusting after each failure. And contrary to Hades' adamant belief, Zagreus is very intelligent and learns brilliantly when allowed to and he grows stronger and stronger.
There's no teacher more savage than experience in something like this, though. The pursuit is agonizing and the cost is enormous and adjusting to this ceaseless violence feels impossible.
Much of my interest in this idea is how the added strain on his circumstances and relationships affects Zagreus and his mental state. At his best, Zag looks a lot like he does in canon, with his laurels unfurled and vibrant, and his feet glowing hot, but he rarely feels his best here. His laurel leaves curl in dry and crisp, muted like the leaves of autumn. Flakes of ash and soot build up over his legs and encase more and more as he suffers. So deep is his feeling of failure and being trapped that it affects him physically.
Not always, though. His flames respond to his emotions, burn brighter in his passion. Enthusiasm, love, fervor, bliss, anger set him glowing.
After a brutally drawn out span of time, Zagreus meets Achilles and Patroclus in Elysium and tbh, the rest of my interest is really in how the altered circumstances change the evolution of their relationships with each other. The pair of warriors were never separated for an extended time and Achilles is less downtrodden and resigned and Patroclus is less bitter and abrasive when Zagreus stumbles upon them.
They don't fight him, which Zagreus counts among his greatest blessings, although Achilles still seems to have an interest. It makes him twitchy and he jumps when Achilles finally lifts his spear and swings it around in his third time in their little glade only to bump the flat of the blade against elbow and tell him to keep it in more towards his body. Zagreus blinks rapidly at him before adjusting his arm.
Achilles helps him here and there, tips and tricks and valuable advice, but he never gives anything near the thorough instruction he did in canon. On one hand, he doesn't need to. Zagreus is a self made fighter and it leaves him with weaknesses but it is also a powerful thing. He is unpredictable and incredibly adaptable and he only continues to improve.
On the other hand, there's no room for it. Achilles is gentle with his guidance, but Zagreus is rubbed raw by all the fighting he's done and all that still depends on it. He doesn't want to always focus on the weapon in his hands. Patroclus notices and curbs Achilles' input when it exceeds its bounds. He sits aside and observers carefully when they spar. Zagreus doesn't need another's direction which is fine by him, who's lost all desire for combat. He gives his aid through his assortment of trinkets that carry Zagreus further to the surface.
Zagreus barely knows what to do with himself in the face of their care. He's so unaccustomed to such generous and genuine support, interest devoid of expectation or blame. As familiarity between the three of them grows, their interactions grow warmer, more tender and comfortable. Their care lays on a foundation, not a hinge, and Zagreus grapples with understanding that he really can lean on it. It all leaves him so uncertain yet so desperate because he wants more than anything to have joy and conversation and company with others where he doesn't shoulder heavy guilt from unspoken accusations over his escaping the house and to have a place he feels he belongs without being an intrusion.
He does at first believe he's intruding, though. Intruding on their time together in the peace of Elysium. It takes them time to convince him that they value his presence immeasurably. The opportunity to stay together in the Underworld has been invaluable for Achilles and Patroclus, but the peace of Elysium is a deceptive thing. It wears away and prickles at them, pressing down in odd warping ways. Patroclus is beyond pleased to have the war behind him and that it can never force him to fight again, and despite Achilles retaining an interest in competition and combat, he does feel the same way. Having a cause though, something to believe in and worth devoting their efforts towards... They didn't realize how deeply they missed it until Zagreus. It is revitalizing. They thrive in his genuine, boundless kindness and long to support him.
The drawings of Orpheus arguing with Hades and Zagreus fighting with Nyx is from one of my plot point ideas. Later down the line, together, Hades, Persephone, and Nyx agree to forbid Zagreus from seeing Achilles and Patroclus at Nyx's behest. Similarly to how she talks about Dusa in canon, she sees mortal shades as beneath his station and that it's highly unbecoming for the prince to be consorting with them. Zagreus fights against the idea ferociously and is only smothered by the threat that, if he seeks them out anyway, Hades will void Achilles' agreement and have Patroclus moved to the proper plane of the Underworld.
It crushes Zagreus. He loves them and cares about them so much and being torn apart from them is a wound that cuts so deep. But even more than that, what breaks him open most, is the fact that it came from someone he cared for and trusted most. Nyx was the one person in the House he could depend on most and this betrayal at her hand is devastating. And for such a worthless reason as propriety and godly vanity. It's not her place to force those upon him. It hurts Zagreus to the core.
Orpheus is the only one willing to stick up for him in this, deeply empathetic to the grief of being separated from loved ones and well acquainted with the fact that such punishments will only damage, never correct. After all, his stint of punishment in Erebus didn't revive his desire to sing, it was Zagreus's dedication and vibrancy that did that. One of the many invaluable gifts Zagreus gave him, including reuniting him with Eurydice, making him happier than he'd been since her death. Orpheus can't keep biting his tongue when all these gods refuse to see any of this.
It all comes to a head dramatically and painfully and I've thought of a few variations on how it would play out. I'll leave it for now though, I might draw it or write it later >:3c Also this got really long lol. Hopefully the idea is at least somewhat interesting!
And here, have the lines from these two drawings because I like the way they look
#hades game#hades supergiant#zagreus#achilles#patroclus#nyx#orpheus#god of ash au#which is a tag i might not use again lol#my art#my writing#i guess#this is so long please forgive me#i had one thought of achilles not working at the house and it drove me to madness#apparently
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Do you have any advice for understanding hands better? I’ve been practicing them for years but feel like compared to other aspects of anatomy it’s the one thing I haven’t seen much improvement in. I draw both from life and images and draw nearly everyday but nothing I’m doing seems to help
I personally get by mostly from remembering poses that I’ve already practiced a ton, like I figure out how to draw it once and am able to file that away in my brain and use it again later, and tweak bits of the pose or the level of simplification to suit what I’m drawing.
I’ve paid special attention to drawing hands for like.... most of my life so I have a LOT of poses I’m easy comfy with now, but when I need to figure out something complicated or new, I can usually work it out by breaking a hand down into shapes, remembering a few key points/”rules” from what I’ve learned about hands in order to help me break it down in a way that makes sense. And if that’s not enough either, then I take photo refs.
^^^ here is a pose I use a ton. I have a quick way of drawing it from various angles. the first time I had to draw a pose like this, I had to think and figure it out, but in drawing it a bunch of times and having to use various angles like this, I’ve eventually come up with a quick, reliable way to draw it from a few of the most common angles that fits the style I like to draw in. I’m blessed with a good memory for observations, so when I see a beautifully posed hand, I can usually really quickly analyze what I like about that pose and why, and that helps me absorb it so I can recreate my saved impression later. But I know not everyone thinks the same way. it might benefit you to quickly scribble down a study in a sketchbook when you see a pose you find beautiful and want to learn from for later.
^^^ here are some poses I had to stop and spend time figuring out, calling up the “rules” for how hands are built to kind of logic-out how they should look from angles I’m less familiar with. results can be mixed, but... if I end up with something expressive that fits the style of the rest of the drawing, I’m usually really forgiving of fudged anatomy or slightly wonky proportions. as long as the thumb is on the right side and there aren’t too many fingers, that’s a great start lol.
^^^ and here are ones I had to take reference-selfies for. I try to use this as a last resort because 1) it’s a lot of trouble 2) interrupts my drawing and 3) if I’m not careful I stick too close to the reference, and the drawing ends up with the hand looking referenced and the rest of the pose not, which is jarring to me. not to mention I have tiny manlet wrists that without fail, look horrific and emaciated in photos, and the lens distortion makes my fingers look scary too... ugh, photo reference has definite flaws. I actually don’t like the look of drawings for which I can Really Tell the artist drew from photo reference, because most often that means they’re taking the ref too much at face value and incorporating ugly lens distortions into their drawing. so I have to think extra hard not only about interpreting the ref, but also might have to make multiple passes just to get the hand to look normal, AND match the style of the rest of the drawing.
Anyway, here are some of the ““rules””” I mentioned earlier that I fall back on to help me figure out more complicated poses:
1. probably seen this before, but basic proportions. the palm is usually half the total height of the hand. obviously you can mess with this purposefully.
2. I think of joints as like, ball joints or hinges. I find that easier than trying to remember bones & muscles. here’s a drawing of the wrist as a hinge. note that when you’re thinking of it this way, it’s a shortcut, but a shortcut is only good if you use it with precision. notice the pin for the wrist hinge is not just halfway, it’s closer to the top of the hand. being precise about that is what allows this shortcut to work. the heel of the palm juts out, while the top of the hand transitions into the wrist quite smoothly.
3. simplified planes. planes are important yo. in super simple terms: top is flat, bottom is round. this works on the fingers too, actually. the tops are bony and tendony, and the bottom is where the fat is, so it’s rounder and soft
thinking of the hand as abstract shapes REALLY helps simplify the task of drawing hands, and is just as helpful even if you are drawing from reference. I can say “the palm is a box” and obviously the palm is not really as simple as a box, but if I think of the palm, wrist, and each finger joint as various shapes of box, then all of a sudden, psychologically, my task is SO much easier. I’m not drawing a Hand, which is hard, I’m drawing boxes, which is easy.
4. that prominent knob some people have on their wrist? that’s on the pinky side.
1. the knuckles aren’t really a flat row on top. the hand is like a cup right, so your palm can hold water and things. so we can think of the hand as a box to make figuring out the pose easier, but when it comes down to it, you’ll want to make it more of a curve. this curve is why you can see multiple fingers in a side view
2. when curled up, the fingers nestle together. the fingernails also turn slightly toward the center. even if I’m simplifying the hands significantly, I usually still draw the fingernails because they are SO useful for communicating the pose of the hand effectively.
3. lots of people suggest to think of the hand as a mitten, grouping the pinky/ring/middle fingers and singling out the index finger. this works great, the index finger is more independent from the other three. on the flip side, those three are really stuck together; if you’re drawing the pinky curled up all the way, then you better not draw the ring finger sticking straight up, cause that would HURT. anyway, singling out the index finger leads to more interesting poses in my experience.
1. this is another illustration of top = flat and bottom = curved. this is a really easy way to organize your line quality. straight lines and sharper angles where there is bone, and soft gentle lines where there is muscle and fat. your drawing as a whole will read very clearly if you find some guidelines like that to stick to, as it means all your lines are intentional and thoughtful.
2. this one’s about overlaps. when forms overlap, it makes a crease, and when you draw that crease you’re communicating which form is in front of the other. in the second drawing I reversed all the creases, and it looks.... messed up. think about how pieces connect.
so when you’re trying to make up a pose without using specific reference, I think it’s good to think about the.... flow of energy through the pose. honestly, I know it’s really abstract, but if I have an ability to make interesting poses that communicate weight and movement, the things that make people say your character feels ALIVE, like they really EXIST in a space... it’s because I started to think of poses this way. imagining streams of energy bouncing through the body, flowing down the limbs and out through the fingers. this is why hands are so important to me, cause they’re where the kinetic energy of the pose ultimately ends up. I talk about it when drawing the torso and arms and legs, but an interesting drawing has a bounce back and forth between opposites: for every curve, an opposing straight line, alternating back and forth down the entire body. if you’re sensitive to the energy of the pose, then even very simple poses will be interesting to look at.
anyway, with regards to hands, I imagine the energy getting sort of cinched in as it passes through the wrist, and then emanating out through the fingertips. I hope my drawing at least SORT of communicates this imagery. it makes sense because that’s BASically how the bones in the hand are anyway. and then the right side of the image above is just demonstrating some highly simplified gestures. see how the fingers fan out and curl in, rarely parallel to eachother. when you’re figuring out the pose, using a line to stand in for the row of knuckles is super valuable.
aaand finally, here’s two hands where I intentionally neglected correct anatomy and proportion because I felt it worked better for the style of the whole drawing. Left side: since this is a really simple and cartoonish style, I was thinking back to kids’ and shoujo manga I have read where the style was very solid and distinctive, but definitely NOT overly concerned with correct anatomy, or even really drawing hands, uh, “well” at all. to me, that sort of approach has a Look that I like to invoke sometimes, since for years I felt like I learned a bunch of anatomy and proportion and drawing from life actually in detriment to the liveliness and appealness of my drawings. this hand is mushy and makes very little sense, but it turned out as intended. Right side: sometimes I like to pretend fingers only have 2 bones in them, cause i am a Queen and i do what i want
and there you go. I hope that helped, like, at all? Look at real hands and photos of hands and hands in motion, but also look at drawn hands as well. find what you like, and work towards expressing that yourself. and remember the hand is part of the whole drawing. not only in the art style like I’d been talking about, but because the angle and placement of the hand is reflected in the angles of the arm, which in turn reflects on the angles of the shoulder, which affects the whole torso, etc etc etc. and the techniques you can use to understand and draw the rest of the body, works on hands too. as you improve everything else, your hands will improve as well.
DISCLAIMER: I whipped up these diagrams quickly, they’re not meant to be good drawings or accurate refs, just diagrams to illustrate my thought process lol
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I love your Anko fanart! Tell me, what are your views/headcannons on Anko X Kazuku?
hThank you so much for the ask, finally I can answer it
here is my big thank you for the waitng
In a nutshell, the shipp was created by accident while me and my buddy were working on our first Naruto AU in 2019, where Kakuzu and Deidara survived their shitty plotholes end eventually ended up in Konoha
Yeah
so, the shipp’s birth date is july the 1, 2019
anything like classy, aristocracy kind of tension-filled passionate gothic romance with playful, psychological games & hurt/comfort vibes with slight scent of rivalry is KakuAnko
Basically, they are: a very, very old man with absolutely horrendous background who’s trying to finally have his mother*cking 10 or 30 years of peace, and a rather young lady with a rocky youth who’s being good & noble yet has very strong antihero tendencies
You know, I think they do have potential, since, in fact, they seem to be very similar, at the core
They are both very pragmatic realists, the people of logic and reason, yet if Kakuzu’s irritability doesn’t affect him a tiny bit due to his ideal self-control, Anko’s can lead her to quite bad places, sometimes. They put their interests in the first place, and even though she tries to attach them to Konoha’s, she still has ‘personal’ things (I’ll write ‘bout it lower*). Their mindsets are so complicatedly organized that, at some point & way, it prevents them from having many close people, and makes them very hard to see through and predict
Both of them are very flexible & adaptive, independent individuals with similar outlooks on plenty of things and high intellectual level. They clearly can find plenty of traits that they would highly respect and adore in each other
Here I will speak mostly for “why and how” kind of things, bc both of them are terribly tricky to accurately figure out. But there will be some headcanons too
So, there are still some odds about them, due to the strong difference in their occupation, like, in plenty of cases they are really tricky to be brought together, because:
- Of the job
In original, Anko is a Konoha’s special jounin, and she is very dedicated to serving the country. Independently of whether she likes her job or not (depends on the plot), she orienteers at the people, at society’s gain from her work. So, accordingly, in any other AU her job is somehow connected to civil service, whether it’s something police-like, connected to science, or something like CCG in Tokyo Ghoul
Kakuzu, on the other hand, is a hitman and a persona non grata in literally all the five big countries, Konoha too (which makes it barely possible to bring them together in the original universe without hard complications or heavy drama. But still possible). He orienteers on his own gain alone, but, depending on the job, it can include others’ gain, too.
This detail makes him a saint once he holds supervising position in some company or any high position in the government (the better the working conditions of the staff now- the more money in the prospective), and the sheer nightmare once he has it on the opposite side of the law. Him as a mob boss is a complete different topic for discussion, but to get the point, in this case, the trouble isn’t him increasing the level of criminality (its rather vice-versa), but taking hold of too much control in the high and underground structures. Even as an ordinary hitman he’s rather tricky, since everything depends on the case
In most of the stories, they come to some sort of compromise, and how hard it is to reach it depends on how shitty his job is and how attached they are to each other at the moment
Like, in the above mentioned Shippuden AU and Harry Potter AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) everything went like clockwork, because there they are both more or less on this side of the law, in Tokyo Ghoul AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) it is a bit more complicated, with her being in-law and him being very much outlaw, in the Avatar AU (which I also figured out with my buddy, but we never happened to write it) it is also pretty smooth, with both of them being outlaws and then jumping out to the glory after all the shit is done, but in another Shippuden AU of mine, this all would be just a motherfucking bloody disaster
- Kakuzu is actually a hard nut to get attached to anyone
He lived too long to be truly afraid of anything, though. Its mostly because he doesn’t really need to get attached to or become close with someone to satisfy his need for communication. The man can get along with anyone once he wishes to, he can have countless acquaintances and plenty of buddies, but he doesn’t have many comrades and barely can call anyone a friend. Because he is used to lose everything and everyone he ever had or happened to have, because of his inhumanly lengthened lifespan.
It requires time for him to get used to the person, and then, eventually, in some cases, spend plenty of it to get attached
Plus, for him, due to his profession, each close connection is a really great responsibility for him. In most cases, he’d think twice of weather he is ready to take it or not
Though it of course has the personal factor, too
In Anko’s case, she has a grand privilege by being a very intelligent and keen woman, not just in cognitive plane, but in emotional, too. High emotional intellect is actually a rare trait, so she automatically stands out of the crowd for him. Even though it won’t guarantee his alliance, it will grant her his high respect and some sort of sympathy
- Kakuzu is, technically, an asshole
He does have his moral compass, which includes a great amount of common social morality, but he also has that “I am working” state
Even though Kakusu has a set of professional principles, and he still acts accordingly to what he thinks is right, one and the very same situation can be solved diametrically different once the context changes from working to casual and vice versa
This, and him being very independent and quite antisocial, makes the degree of assholeness depend on various factors
This can lead to major conflicts of interests, and if they are possible to have any compromise or not is strongly attached to the circumstances. After all, both are very, very prideful and dignified people
- In other words, the only major issue for them would be morality questions. It’s possible to make the case acceptable for Anko, since both of them ain’t truly squeaky clean, along with Kakuzu being willing enough to watch his borders
- She is provident and doesn’t really need a lot of money on a daily basis, which is much of a joy to him lol
- *they both seek for the stable ground, first of all
Taking in consideration the life conditions Kakuzu had in his youth (despite war state, he still stably had family, friends, grand respect from everyone, home, warmth and food) and how terribly he was torn out of his secured social environment, I believe what he seeks through all his bounty hunt and other money-connected manipulations is stability. Sustainability he had back then. The only way to have it in the conditions of our existent world order is to have money (and a very good mind and luck)
Anko has indeed much more altruistic motives, yet it’s still not that simple. It seems to be, on the first sight, yet considering the “Orochimaru related cases” and her very wayward behavior toward them, it’s clear she keeps her own motives and needs in mind oh so well. The service she has is very well payed, it allows her to do what she likes or believes is right, and to have the living conditions she finds comfortable. And only here, relying on the made sustainable basis, she does what she does
- Thus, they both illustrate the principle “first help yourself, next help the other” just right
- She knows she can keep an eye on him, yet it’s clear for her that her influence isn’t borderless, as well as telling him off some stuff is kind of a not wise thing to do. So in the majority of cases, she never interferes
- This is not common, yet he can actually change some plans if the situation is serious and the compromise can’t be found. He is that kind of person who works on a further prospective, and in this context, this would be the relationship with his loved one
- While Kakuzu is quite conflicted and has very reserved controversial persona, Anko is both controversial, conflicted, and sort of two-faced, on top of that
She is a very sincere, cheerful and humbly honest human being, yet she has some darker natural traits of her character that became rather strong with age and traumatic experience. Cunningness, guile, ways-depend-on-the-case and a bit of ruthlessness, that is. Moreover, she has some unsolved personal issues, which makes her even more twisted.
Like, remember the time when she confronted Orochimaru during the exam? And Kabuto, on the war? Getting rid of them is indeed beneficial for Konoha, but it’s clear that for her it is personal vendetta in the first place. She wouldn’t have tried to do this alone, otherwise, because these two are rather dangerous ones, to say the least.
She uses greater good to cover her real motives (even though it is not truly complete bullshit), and seems to have a terrible habit to keep silence about really important things, which makes her quite prone to lying, in some cases
And sometimes it very badly pisses Kakuzu off, since it makes her prone to doing useless but dangerous shit too
Yet this not any kind of separate hidden side, it is integrated into her personality, and coexists with her bright one. That’s where her violent humour comes from, for example.
But Kakuzu, on the other side, is completely monolith individual, yet sometimes his mindset can create contradictions when it comes to something important to him. but it's another topic
And seeing these layered constructions, and motives, they can pretty finely predict each other’s behavior. Not super-neatly, but they for sure see the basis. This is what helps Kakuzu to prevent Anko from doing some stupid shit, sometimes
- Anko has a role of an indicator for the people who don’t understand and see the changes in Kakuzu’s mood sometimes, since she usually reacts quite openly. Yet, when she has the same unreadable mask of cold, or one of guile, it’s a nightmare for them
- They prefer the non-verbal way to show their feelings, even though Anko is obviously the more chatty one
- They don’t say things such as “I love you”, or other sensual stuff like that really often, believing it to be some sort of cherished words that shall not be spelled mindlessly
- Anko isn’t majorly into PDA, but she fancies it much more than Kakuzu does. She has her whole moments of studying something with her hands, whether it’s a hand, scar or face. He’s more into passive display of affection, like wrapping an arm over her waist or leaning to her or something of this kind; they can allow themselves to (not sexually) kiss in public though
- She knows he doesn’t like to walk hand in hand due to considering it a youthful thing, so there are times when she intentionally walks holding on to his sleeve; generally they walk separately in order not to bother each other, but sometimes they walk arm in arm (like an old Victorian couple lol)
- Being older and wiser, Kakuzu eventually upholds some kind of mentoring position, yet he never considers himself any kind of a teacher or master to Anko, believing her to have a good head of her own. He is just insightful enough to break something through to her or give a word of advise
- This, combined with his highly powerful demeanor, also makes him have the leading position in their relationship
- Anko respects him much enough to fortify this, entrusting with plenty of life questions (like organizing the family budget), even though they make the majority of decisions together. Mostly because he is truly wise and highly experienced individual.
- This makes him one of the very few people Anko would actually listen to and take their opinion in consideration
- So basically they have equal relationship with some tendency to patriarchal order
- And it is, really, mostly economically-based disbalance, with him earning much more than she does
- Yet they never have any financial-based issues, since both of them keep in mind and respect the contributions of each
- There is major power play here, too. He has the absolute might, she has seduction. Anko loves how he makes her want to submit to him, let him have all the power, so she likes provoking him. And she knows he adores it, loves the subtle control she has over him
- They don’t have conflicts in their everyday life. Each knows how to avoid pissing one another off
- He cherishes her playful demeanor, her intellect. Combined with her cunningness, it allows her to rival him, in social sphere. The way she constructs her phrases, the way she speaks, mimics, moves, how bewitchingly it suits her feminine snaky features makes his blood boil and heart melt
- Both of them, actually, have rather specific kind of dry, dark humour. Kakuzu’s is very cynical, satirical, quite often menacing and subtly demeaning; Anko’s is very sarcastic and quite dirty, even gruesome and rather violent
- Sometimes they “fight” verbally as a form of a play. In some circumstances they may sound pretty vile, so some unobservant people mistake this for display of hate
- In general, Anko is the one to heat things up with her playful demeanor, which can include provocation and rivalry, and Kakuzu is the one to keep this energy in borders, accumulating it up to much more intense states
- They both put the comfort in the first place when it comes to household. Everything must be cozy, useful, silent and super clean
- Yet they are both very unpretentious and modest, really
- She absolutely adores when he is showing his serious, severe side, or powerful demeanor. She finds it incredibly suitable for him. She also likes how his real age is sliding out in this or that way. Like, even though he has rather young face (that of 37-40 y.o.), his eyes give away that he’ve seen oh so much more than it seems; the grumpy noises and grunts he makes, the lazy attitude in movements and the way how rapidly he finds a comfy pose once he has a chance to take a seat
- They are both rather patriotic, yet while in the most stories Anko’s feelings mostly lay towards the country she lives in, Kakuzu’s more often lay towards some places, so called small motherland.
- Kakuzu actually could be a source of deep, strong admiration and delight for her, despite all of his bullshit. The unbreakable will he has, mighty burning heart, all the wisdom, talents and mind. Being sent to fight god damn Hashirama, clearly a genius of his times, financial & management genius at the least. And, still, after all the hard times he’ve been through, he maintained the very strong sense of dignity and nobility, even though slightly twisted due to the profession and abnormal lifespan
- And the very same things can serve as the source for her chagrin: with all those traits, he could have been so much more rather than a criminal. With all the gifts he’ve got, he could have been of great use to society. He’s much easier about this, since his prospective is much wider and embraces decades (and in some universes even centuries) instead of months & years, and he knows that he’d be switching sides throughout his life, being on this and that side of the law, yet he still is a bit uncomfortable once it’s brought up
- They are deeply into science, which makes them atheists. He’s into medicine and human biology, she’s into chemistry and reptilian biology; both of them are nuts for physics, history and psychology
- They solve complicated physical and mathematical problems together time to time. She is the first one to have tea-breaks due to losing her temper over it, he tries to figure things out right until you can sense the smoke coming off his head
- Actually, they do have a stumbling stone aside from job & morality complications. And this is Anko’s attitude towards Orochimaru
What she does is basically ruins her life very-very slowly, maintaining the issues she has and planning to make him pay for all he’s done
Kakuzu knows exactly what is really going on with this attitude and why, but he can’t really do anything about it. Like, he knows he can’t make her change her mind or put something into her head
All he can do is really nothing but try to explain how those things are working, and even this option is basically a landmine field for him. At some level she does understand that he could probably be right, yet she just refuses to go back on her mind. And this is actually really dangerous, so at some moments they can fight quite badly about it
- He’s scared shitless to lose her, though; especially like that, even though he knows clearly that he will, anyway, sooner or later
- he knows that losing loved ones ends up with sheer disaster for him, yet he isn’t afraid to pay such a high price for those six, five or four decades of being with her. Because these decades are that of a paradise ones for him. Wife and family, as well as stable job, incomes and life conditions, are some sort of physical definitions of sustainability he craves. Especially family, yet it’s far ahead to plan
- The fact that he will have to bury her one day makes her rather depressed, as well as the knowledge that the only thing she can really do about it is to try to bring him as much happiness and comfort as possible before she dies
thank you, i'd say more, but it's too much already
#my art#naruto#naruto shipuden#akatsuki#naruto akatsuki#akatsuki kakuzu#kakuzu#naruto anko#mitarashi anko#kakuanko#they are very entertaining disaster
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Near The Water’s Edge: Chapter Four
After fleeing your abusive husband, you find yourself in the small coastal town of July, North Carolina. Soon you meet Frankie Morales, Air Force Veteran and single dad. As the two of you grow closer, you begin to let go of your past and learn to love again. That is until a strange man shows up in town, and you ’re forced to choose between your safety or the safety of the people that you love.
Inspired by the novel “Safe Haven” written by Nicolas Sparks.
Series Master List
Frankie Morales x Female Reader
Rating: 18+ / Heavy adult themes eventual smut.
Trigger Warnings: Domestic Abuse, Mentions of death, PTSD, anxiety, mentions of police case, police.
Word Count:
Note: Another heavy chapter, but things will let lighter as the chapters go on. Enjoy the first half of the beach day.
Tag List:@qytyy @winter-fox-queen @sherala007@inkededucatednnerdy @quica-quica-quica @hnt-escape @giizhkens-cedar@heythere-mel @toomanystoriessolittletime
The ride passed in comfortable silence, the three of you listening to the radio and Lucy looking out the window at the cars in the next lane. All Frankie could think about was how nice it was to have someone else there to spend the day. He knew Lucy must have been feeling the same way, since he hadn’t seen her so excited about a beach trip in a long while.
He appreciated how patient you were with her; it was something he noticed even on that first day. The way you refused help until you knew she was alright. That moment had stuck with him more than anything else.
The memory of what Will said earlier surfaced in his mind. He shifted in his seat and glanced at you. Yes, you were beautiful. Strikingly so. A woman who could walk into a room and turn every head in the place; both men and women alike. Of course Frankie had been taken with you. He tried to suppress it, scolding himself whenever he was alone in bed at night and found his thoughts wandering....
His only goal right now was to be your friend because he cared for you and knew that you needed help. He wasn’t sure what kind of help, but he sensed that you were alone and at some point in your life something very bad had happened to you. He wouldn’t pry though, he would wait until you were ready to share.
-
The beach wasn’t too packed; it was still early in the season and the tourists hadn’t moved into their summer homes yet. The boys had done an oddly efficient job at setting everything up. When Ben and Will got into a little spat about how to sink the umbrella into the sand , Frankie simply rolled his eyes and continued to spray Lucy with sunblock. It made you laugh, they all seemed so comfortable with one another.
The day was hot and everybody seemed eager to get into the water, everyone except you and Frankie. You had bought a bathing suit at the store, intending on going in... but somewhere during the car ride you changed your mind.
“You can go in if you want,” you told Frankie “I don’t mind just watching.”
He shrugged, “I don’t normally go in either.”
Then just like that the two of you were suddenly alone, both woefully unprepared for any sort of conversation.
You thought of something quickly, filling the silence “the marina was packed today.”
“Yeah, It’s always like that on memorial day. Most of the summer too, be prepared for the restaurant to start getting busy.”
“I prefer it that way. It makes the shifts go faster. So I’ve been meaning to ask, what exactly do you do? I assumed you owned the marina?”
He paused for a moment. “Uh, technically I do. It was a wedding gift from my parents. An uncle had died and left it to them. I think they just wanted to get rid of it, but I have an office manager that does all the upfront stuff….. normally I just work on repairs.”
Married. That wasn’t what you were expecting, but still no ring. “Did you go to school for that?”
“Kind of. I had training for planes, but you would be surprised just how similar the two are.” You gave him a look. He glanced at you and laughed sheepishly. “What?”
“I’m sorry, did you say planes?”
“Yeah”
“You fix planes?”
He smiled and crossed his arms, trying to seem much cooler than he actually was. “I fly them too.”
“You fly pl-....do you take constructive criticism?”
He laughed, “Of course.”
“Lead with that next time.”
He looked at you skeptically. “How am I supposed to lead with that, exactly?”
“You say, hi my name is pilot Frankie …..”
He shook his head, grinning. “Morales,” he informed you.
“Hi my name is pilot Frankie Morales, nice to meet you.”
He played along, “but how will I know if people actually like me for me, or they just want me to take them for a ride in a plane?”
You shrugged “it's tough being a celebrity, I don’t make the rules.”
“Oh yeah, celebrity, that’s me,” he said sarcastically.
You kicked at the sand with your foot. “Also I liked you before I knew you had the coolest hobby in the world. So, you know that you can trust me.”
He glanced over at you and immediately noticed your smile. He had seen you smile before, but they would never quite reach your eyes. This one, he could tell, was real. He opened his mouth to speak when, in the distance, a wave crashed and Lucy squealed with laughter. Both of you turned your heads to look.
“Will Lucy be okay out there?” you asked. She had on a life vest and was being supervised in the shallows by the rest of the adults. Santi was holding onto a boogie board Lucy used to keep herself up.
“Yeah, I know they seem like idiots but they are good men.” Frankie reached into the cooler to grab a bee and popped the cap off with the bottle opener. “Do you want one?”
You shook your head, “No thank you, but I’ll take a water bottle if you have it.” He set his beer down in his cup holder and reached into the cooler again. The bottle was freezing cold when he handed it to you. Perfect for a sunny day.
You wiped the condensation off on your dress. “Can I ask you something? It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”
“Yeah, sure,” he said, taking a sip of beer.
“Lucy’s mom is she….? Are you two still….? I don’t mean to pry, I guess I’m just a little confused.”
“You and I both,” he said with a sigh. “I’m married but we are not together anymore, haven’t been for a few years.”
“Oh,” you said simply, not finding any clarification in what he told you. If anything, you had more questions, but you didn’t want to push. Besides, it didn’t matter anyway…. you couldn’t, you were married as well. “Does your family live in the area?”
“Nope, they live up north. Katie never really knew her family. She grew up in the foster system and was bounced around until she enlisted at eighteen. It’s just me and Lulu now, and the guys when they find the time to travel here.”
“I’m sorry,” you said honestly. “It must be hard not having your parents support.”
He shook his head and took another sip. “I expected it, even when I was younger, it seemed as though they were only interested in keeping me alive.” He looked down and started to peel off the sticker on the bottle as he spoke. “They are both doctors, mom is an archaeologist and dad an engineer. He actually helped design parts of the international space station…. I think they valued their careers more than anything else... they still do. The only time they ever came down to see Lucy was right after she was born, aside from that it’s usually a phone call on a holiday and a card with money in the mail.”
Although he tried to play it off as if it were just another part of life, you could see that it still affected him deeply. For a moment you thought about reaching out to take his hand, but you stopped yourself. “It really is their loss, they are missing out on two wonderful people.”
Frankie adjusted the baseball cap on his head, a sheepish little smile playing on his lips at the compliment. “Well, thank you. Lucy and I could say the same thing about you. You’re great with her.”
You glanced back at the little girl. She was smiling happily as Ben pulled her along on the boogie board. “I think little girls need to be protected, but not only that - they need to be seen and heard. She is already so independent and fierce. I can see how you encourage her to be her own person and not fit into any one mold. That’s important for little girls to learn.”
He laughed, “Yeah, she definitely gives me a run for my money, that's for sure. She can already repair an engine better than most men I know.”
A large gust of wind came through and took hold of the multi-colored beach ball beside you. Both you and Frankie sprang from your seats to race after it. The thing was fast, and you could not stop it from crashing into the waves. You noticed just how much cooler it was near the water’s edge. Although the temperature outside was sweltering, the Atlantic still held that winter chill. Both of you stared at the ball as it bobbed up and down with the tide.
Frankie waved it away with his hand and squinted in the sunlight. “It’s fine, it’ll probably just float down the beach to another family or something.”
You smirked at him “or choke a poor dimwitted sea turtle to death.”
He paused and shot you a pretend glare, then took off his hat, dropped it in the sand and reached for his shirt.
You giggled “no, no I’m joking. I got it.” You said, starting to strip down to your bathing suit also.
“Well, you gotta be faster than that,” he said, half jogging to the water.
You slipped off your dress easily and ran straight past him into the waves. Frankie was not far behind. You two were pushing against the tide as you reached for the ball. Fingertips just barely brushed against the plastic before it slipped a couple more inches away. This left just enough time for Frankie to swoop in and grab it.
Your stomach hurt from laughing so hard “hey!”
He shrugged, “I’m sorry that I care more about the environment than you.”
You splashed him with water playfully.
-
The two of you swam for another fifteen minutes, chatting about the town and volleying the ball back and forth. Frankie pretended not to see the way the droplets of water clung to your skin and sparkled under the sunlight. When he noticed the little lace pattern on the bottom of your swimsuit, he knew he had been staring for too long and forced himself to look away. The very last thing he wanted to do was scare you away, or make you believe he had some sort of ulterior motives to helping you.
You both dressed again before walking back up to the chairs. When the two of you returned, the group had already come back from swimming. They were passing around Tupperware full of fruit while Santi was starting up the tiny little grill he had brought.
“You guys really don’t play around for beach days,” you mentioned to Frankie.
“I tried to warn you,” he said with a smirk.
Will had Lucy thrown over his shoulder, carrying her easily with one arm. “Has anyone seen Fry?”
“I’m right here!” Lucy’s little voice drifted out from behind him.
Will started turning, pretending to look for her “Fry! Fry! Where are you!”
Lucy was hardly able to speak through her fit of giggles, “I’m behind you!”
He put her down on the sand, pretending as if he had seen her for the first time. “Jesus Fry! You scared me!”
“Lulu,” Frankie said, “come here so I can put more sunscreen on you.” Frankie took the bottle from the bag and sprayed her again, making sure to get her ears and the tops of her feet as well. He sprayed some in his hands, and Lucy scrunched up her nose as he applied it to her face.
Watching the two of them together made you smile. You were reminded again just how different Frankie was from your husband. David would have felt emasculated by having to take care of a child. If he had attended today, you would be sitting beside him silently the entire time, only getting up to fetch him a beer.
“Do you want some?” Frankie asked, and you were suddenly snapped right back to reality.
Even though you weren’t threatened by a burn yet, you figured it would be a good idea. “Yeah, thank you.” You offered him your arms, then the front of your legs.
“I used to be terrible with remembering sunblock until I got sun poisoning in Iraq, god never again.”
“Iraq?” you asked, and turned so he could get the backs of your legs.
“Yeah, with the air force” he told you, assuming you already knew.
Breath hitched in your throat as he brushed your hair over your shoulder. You cringed at the feeling of the warm sunscreen hitting the back of your neck and jerked away. It was enough for the others to notice. You laughed and lied quickly “damn horse flies hurt when they bite. They say you should wash off the bite with soap to get it to stop the swelling. Is there a bathroom here?”
You sounded believable. Becoming an expert liar had been the only thing keeping you alive for so long.
Frankie felt horrible. He didn’t quite know what he had done to trigger you, but he knew it was something. “It’s pretty far, I can walk with you-”
You shook your head, a wide smile still plastered across your lips. “Nope, I just need a direction.”
Santi jumped in quickly. “That building when we first came in, near the tennis courts.”
You nodded and started forward, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes. Why was this happening right now? You were fine a moment ago and now you felt as though you couldn’t catch your breath. You shivered, remembering the feeling again and putting your hand on the back of your neck to stop it.
A soldier…. it made sense. You were too stupid to have seen it, the nicknames and the holiday......
Thankfully, they were single stall restrooms; you pulled the door shut and locked it behind you. The bottom of the floor was disgusting and filled with wet sand. You lifted yourself up onto the counter and sat, trying to calm down. A soldier, a soldier, you kept repeating to yourself. It was too similar. The anger, the potential for violence…. just like your husband.
You placed your head in your hands, and suddenly you were back in New Jersey. It was a bitter February, snow still on the ground. You were in your bathroom hiding as David raged in the living room and screamed at his coworker on the phone. A little boy had been killed by his father weeks ago. David was assigned to the case. When the trial came, the jury found the man innocent and let him walk free, even though all the evidence pointed to him as the killer. It was an embarrassment to David and the entire homicide unit
“God fucking dammit, y/n! y/n!”
You pulled yourself up on shaking legs, straightened your dress and walked out. David was red in the face waiting for you. “I thought I told you to call Comcast, did I not?”
“They said that they could get someone out here Wednesday because of the snow-”
He took the television remote and threw it at you as hard as he could; he aimed for your face but it hit your shoulder instead. The plastic connected straight with your collarbone. You doubled over in pain, holding it as it throbbed. He stalked up to you and you moved back, the fear evident in your eyes.
His voice was teetering on the edge of lunacy as he screamed at you.
“I give you a simple fucking job to do and you can’t even get it done. You’re a lazy fat fucking bitch.” he shoved you hard but you manged to keep standing. “Spend all day sitting on your fucking ass while I have to go to work for the both of us! I need the television because I need to see the news coverage of the fucking case! You knew this! Or would you like me to get fired and the both of us live on the fucking streets!” He shoved you again, and you fell against the stone fireplace. Your hands came up to shield your face as he picked up the remote and hit you with it repeatedly. It caught your lip, busting it open.
You didn’t care about the blood, all you could think about was the gun still holstered in his belt. You got the television fixed the next day-
“Summer?”
You stood quickly and wiped away the tears from your cheeks, pretending like nothing was wrong. “Yeah?”
“Are you alright?”
It was Frankie.
You shook your head and smiled in the dingy plastic mirror in front of you. “Yeah, why?”
He could hear that you had been crying. He pushed on the door but it was locked.
You didn’t like that at all; you slipped off the counter and sat on the floor, against the door. Bracing it closed with your body “I’m fine-”
“You’re crying-”
“No, I’m not I- I get allergies and that horsefly hurt. I am such a baby I’ve always had a low pain tolerance-”
“If it’s something that I did -”
“Nope, it’s nothing that you did. I’m fine, I’m really, really fine I promise. I just got overwhelmed and needed some air. I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you guys can eat without me. Don’t let me hold you up.”
Frankie wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t want to force anything. “Would you like me to save you a plate?”
“Yes, please.”
You could hear his footsteps start to retreat and relaxed a little.
“Summer?”
“Yeah?”
Frankie was about to say something, but he thought better of it. He figured it was better to let you have your space now.
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