#i also know that this letter will do nothing
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♕ No Matter What - Part 7 | Lena Luthor ♕
Pairing: Lena Luthor x reader
Warnings: mentions of some shooting, throwing up, blood and death
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8
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I get up with shaking hands, watching Lena as she begins pacing.
“Who is he?” she snaps. “Your boyfriend?!”
I flinch and take a step back. Not only am I completely taken aback by her sudden lack of trust, I’m also fragile because of the reminder of what day it is tomorrow.
“Lena— What? No! He’s not my boyfriend,” I defend quietly, my voice wavering. I swallow to get rid of the growing lump in my throat, but it just makes it worse.
Lena whips around and stares me down with a harsh glare. “No? Then who is he and why did you try to hide it when his name popped up on your phone?”
I open my mouth to reply, but the words get stuck in my throat. What has gotten into her? She has no right to attack me like this. Not when I haven’t given her a single reason not to trust me.
Scoffing when I don’t answered, she aggressively runs a hand through her hair. “That’s what I thought. My God, I should have never listened to Sam. You’re just like everyone else. A lying, cheating—“
“He’s my brother!” I blurt out weakly, every word she just said breaking my heart. My knees are weak and it’s taking everything in me not to break down crying right now.
Lena pauses and raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Nice try. You told me you don’t have any siblings. Honestly, I don’t know how I let this whole thing between us get this far.”
I feel my bottom lip tremble and avert my eyes to the ground. Why is she being so cruel? I clench my fists and work my jaw as Lena goes on berating me.
“And to make up a brother. . . You really are something else. You know, if it weren’t for your contract I’d fire you on the spot.”
A tear rolls down my cheek and I lift a trembling hand to wipe it away. I don’t say anything and just stare at the floor, waiting for Lena to continue.
She doesn’t go on however and when I dare to glance at her I find her watching me incredulously.
“Why are you cry—?”
“I am not making him up,” I say sternly which seems to surprise her. She opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off again. “And I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t have any siblings because he’s dead.”
Lena’s eyes widen.
“It’s the anniversary of his death tomorrow and I was planning on leaving some flowers on his grave, hence the reminder. And I didn’t want you to see because I’m not ready to talk about what happened yet.” I grab my bag from next to the couch and sling it over my shoulder, too hurt to even acknowledge the regret on Lena’s face. “Now, I know you can’t fire me, but I can quit, so don’t worry. You’ll have my letter of resignation on your desk by tomorrow morning.“
“Y/N, that’s not what I— I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. . . Please don’t—“
I hold up a hand and shake my head with a stray tear rolling down my cheek. “No, don’t worry about it, Ms. Luthor. I should probably get going now if I am to accompany you to the office later.”
Lena looks close to tears as well now, but I don’t give her a chance to say anything else as I brush past her, leaving without turning back.
How everything could go this wrong this quickly is a mystery to me.
It makes my heart ache and part of me is screaming at me to turn back and forgive Lena for jumping to conclusions. The other part however, the one that is irreversibly hurt by what just happened, is telling me to leave, which is what I ultimately do.
Maybe Lena was right. Things shouldn’t have gone as far as they did between us. I am, after all, just her bodyguard.
A year ago– Somewhere overseas. . .
“Christ I’m sweating like a pig,” Noah grumbles, pulling at the collar of his uniform.
We’re standing outside in the blazing sun, guarding the locals as they unload the truck of supplies we brought them. It’s a day like any other and for weeks now nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
“Yeah? Well, stop fretting, you’re only making it worse,” I scold lightheartedly as I shift the gun in my arms. It is hot, yes, but Noah is being a baby about it.
Harper snickers beside me and Noah sends her a dirty look. “You two are unbelievable,” he says with an eye roll, however when he turns his attention back to the locals I see a faint smile on his lips.
Harper beams and shoves me playfully. I smile and return the gesture.
That’s when one of the locals approaches me. “We’ve finished unloading the truck. Thank you again for all your help.” He stretched out his hand and I shake it with a polite nod.
“You’re welcome. Is there anything else we can—?”
The sound of screeching breaks makes me whip my head around and my eyes widen at the sight of an old truck that has come to a stop in a cloud of dust.
Several men, armed with guns jump off the back of it and before I can call out any orders, they open fire on me and my squad.
“Get down!” I shout, pulling the local behind a stack of rice bags. “Miller, radio for help!”
Harper and Noah join me while the rest of the squad finds shelter behind our truck.
Bullets whiz past us everywhere and the panicked screams of the locals make my stomach flip.
Stay calm! I remind myself, gripping my gun until my knuckles are white. Panic will get you killed.
“Miller?” I shout again as I peak over the bags, returning some of the fire before ducking back down. “Miller, where are you? Jones? Martinez!”
There’s no answer and knowing what that means, I clench my jaw and force away the burning feeling behind my eyes.
“What do we do?” Harper shouts next to me as she reloads her gun. “We’re trapped.”
Miller was the only one in the squad with a radio because for weeks now everything’s been calm and some superiors decided the extra radios should go to the squad’s that actually fight the rebels, not the ones doing supply runs.
“There’s a radio in the truck!” I remember, but the chances of getting to it without being hit are slim to none.
I have to do something though, so I grab Noah by the collar and pull him closer so he can hear me over the gunfire. “You two, cover me!” I shout, ignoring the way his and Harper’s eyes widen in terror.
“No! You can’t—!” he begins to protests but I tighten my grip on his uniform which shuts him up.
“I can and I will! I’m your superior officer and I’m not losing anyone else today, you hear me?!”
Noah has tears in his eyes, but he nods nonetheless. I turn to Harper to find her with the same, horror filled eyes.
“Do you hear me?” I ask again, swallowing the fear that’s bubbling up in the back of my throat.
“Yes, Sergeant!” They reply in unison and I take a deep breath before counting down.
“Alright, on three. One, two, three!” I jump up, gun at the ready, and move to leap over the bags of rice.
As soon as I get to my feet though, I’m knocked back by something hitting my shoulder. I cry out in pain and fall back down, clutching at where I’ve been hit.
One of the rebels must have waited for one of us to show themselves…
“Y/N!” Harper screeches, pressing her hand down on my chest a little below my shoulder. “Fuck!”
The local who’s frozen in place, pales at the sight of my blood and throws up right in his lap and if it weren’t for our current circumstances I would have gagged at the sight.
This can’t be how it ends!
I grit my teeth and shove Harper’s hand away. “I’m fine. We have to try again. We need to get to that radio!”
I try to get a hold of my gun again but as soon as I move, a jolt of pain shoots through me and I fall back with a pained whimper.
It’s enough for Harper to press her hand against my shoulder again, pinning me down with a warning look. “You can’t do this. You’re losing to much blood. We’ll have to think of something else.”
I shake my head and fidget with the clasp of my helmet. It feels like the strap is strangling me, but I know better than to take it off.
“There’s no time, Harper! Just let me—!”
“I’ll do it.”
I turn my head to find Noah watching us with a blank stare. I’ve never seen him like this and I know whatever he’s thinking can’t be good.
“I’ll do it,” he says again and that’s when I realize what he means.
“You will do no such thing!” I say sternly as he goes to return some of the fire before ducking back down.
“But we need backup!” he argues and I watch as a bead of sweat drips from the tip of his nose.
It really is hot today, isn’t it?
“You���re not going out there, Private. That is an order!” I wince when Harper applies more pressure to my shoulder.
“I can’t just let you die!” Noah screams and he reloads his gun with newfound determination. “I’m going to get that radio and call for backup!”
I grab his arm and yank him back down just as he’s about to get up. “No, you are not! You’re staying right here. We’ll think of something else.”
Noah’s eyes meet mine and for a moment the gunfire around us is muted. He smiles apologetically and takes the hand I have on his arms into his own.
I’m sorry, he mouths and before I can stop him again he’s escaped my grasp.
“Noah!”
Present– National City. . .
After showering and getting ready for the day, I make my way back to Lena’s apartment building where I wait for her by the front desk after shoving my bike into the janitors closet.
Ann tries to strike up a conversation as soon as her eyes land on me, but when my replies come out somewhat clipped, she lets it go.
I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Earlier I was hurt and angry, but now I’m not really feeling anything.
I will do my job as professionally as I can and have my resignation letter on Lena’s desk by tomorrow morning, just like she wanted.
I am still worried about Lex coming after her, but she’s made it clear what she thinks of me and I can’t do my job if she doesn’t trust me.
When the elevator doors open and Lena steps out, her eyes dart around until they land on me. She relaxes visibly and approaches quickly with regret and worry written all over her face.
“Y/N, I’m sorry about earlier. I should have never said what I said and I don’t want you to—“
I shake my head and square my shoulders, trying my best to sound professional when I say, “Don’t apologize, Ms. Luthor. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m just here to do my job.”
Lena deflates and she frowns sorrowfully. “Y/N, please. . . I didn’t mean—“
I check my watch and clear my throat, cutting her off once again. “We should get going if you don’t want to be late for your interview with Ms. Danvers.”
Lena’s bottom lip trembles and I have to dig my nails into the palm of my hand to stop myself from rushing forward to comfort her.
Her words cut unimaginably deep earlier and I can’t forgive her for it just yet. Or ever. I haven’t made my mind up about it yet because all I can think about is Noah and Harper who tried calling me again just before I got here.
“Alright then,” Lena gives in with a dejected sigh.
We go outside where Alfred is already waiting in the car. I open the rear–passenger door and wait until Lena gets in. Then I close it, ignoring the hurt in her eyes when I opt to sit in front with Alfred, rather than in the back with her like I normally do.
The interview with Kara had gone well, as far as I could tell when Lena hugged the blonde goodbye with a genuine smile. That smile, however, faded when her eyes met mine briefly and she quickly disappeared into her office again, leaving me outside with Jess who was busy at her computer.
And that’s where I’m still at right now, reading a news article on my phone while Lena’s in her office with Sam who decided to show up ten minutes ago.
Upon seeing me, she instantly knew something was wrong, but I just waved her off when I could feel Lena watching us from the doorway to her office.
She didn’t say anything but sent me a look that made it clear we were going to talk about what was going on as soon as we were alone.
“You did what?!”
Sam’s shriek makes me flinch and I can’t help but move a little closer to the closed office door. Jess isn’t at her desk because she went out to get coffee, so I don’t have to worry about getting caught eavesdropping.
“I know, I messed up pretty badly.” Lenas muffled voice sounds like she’s genuinely sorry and I know for a fact that they’re talking about what happened this morning.
“You think?” Sam retorts sarcastically. “God, Lena. . . What is wrong with you?“
“I don’t know, Sam!” Lena sounds desperate and it makes my heart ache involuntarily. “I just— I’ve been burned so many times before and Jack—“
“Y/N is not Jack though,” Sam cuts in and it’s quiet for a moment.
Then Lena mumbles what sounds like, “I know. . .” followed by a “What am I supposed to do now?”
I sigh and move away from the door again. What they’re talking about is none of my business even though they’re taking about me.
It also doesn’t help that I wouldn’t be able to answer that question myself. What could Lena possibly do to undo what she did this morning?
I honestly don’t know and before I can lend that question any more thought, my phone starts ringing.
I glance at the screen to see that it’s Harper again.
I roll my eyes with half a mind to decline the call, but then I think better of it and reluctantly answer with a strained, “What do you want, Harper?”
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I’m not all too happy with how this part turned out, but I’m not in the mood to rewrite it. Proofreading (like always) will be done over the course of the next couple of days.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that I love your comments and that I read every single one of them even though I don’t reply to all of them <3
Tag list: @nuianced-tck-enby @autorasexy
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goldleaf
pairing: hong jisoo (joshua) x gender neutral reader
genre: angst, hanahaki au
word count: 1.1k
warnings: no happy ending, mentions of death + implied main character death…eventually, One mention of swearing, unrequited love, the normal hanahaki au things (blood, throwing up, etc.)
author note: um so guess who found out she can actually write angst! it’s written in joshua’s pov the entire time and reader is just kinda in the background (they’re still important though!) also, if you want a lil more info about how i wrote this, check out my reblog! lots of love ♡
masterlist
when joshua sees you with them, he can’t deny that he feels…more than he wishes he did.
he’s sick and tired of the hollowness in his chest but it’s fine. it’ll all be fine once he sees you happy, right? that's what he says to convince himself before looking up at the sky and seeing you in the shape of the clouds and the way the sun hits them and himself.
fuck, he’s in too deep to continue to believe the sorry excuse he’s made up for himself to feel a little better. it never helps anyway, so why keep using it? he lets it go, imagining it fluttering away on a breeze that reminds him way too much of the person always on his mind.
so when the tingling in his throat comes out as petals the same golden like the colour he imagines your soul to be, he isn’t surprised. as he exits the bathroom, he avoids jeonghan’s gaze, promises that he’ll be fine; after all, it’s just a cold—whatever it takes to keep his best friend from worrying. at least he knows his promises won’t be worth much anyway.
he sees you often, your smile as cheery as the flowers haunting him in his dreams and the ones sticking to his lungs, trapped in his chest. he’s alright, he tells himself. he’ll be fine.
he doesn’t go to the doctor. he’s read and seen enough of what’s happening to him, and he knows the choice he’ll have to make if he goes. he knows that the only solution is to forget, but he would never do that. he can’t let go of wandering around in the wheat fields that one summer you two were in the countryside, or the time you laughed and laughed at a joke that wasn’t funny, or when he lost all hope and you were there, making sure he could get back up again and live. if the price of keeping the memories he holds close is death, he’s okay with it.
joshua doesn’t tell his roommates. he knows that jeonghan and seungcheol would drag him to the emergency room against his will, and force him to take the option he’s already decided against. he wouldn’t let them sway him anyway, but it’s easier if they don’t know. however, time seems to choose to leave the bathroom—even when it seems to be going too fast for joshua’s liking these days—when jeonghan finds him hovering over the sink, bloody tissues in his hand and washed petals placed carefully on the side.
the two of them say nothing.
jeonghan leaves, and joshua turns to the mirror above the sink, taking a good look at himself. he wipes off the dried blood on his top lip, noticing nothing else wrong. he doesn’t realize that after he leaves, jeonghan is horrified by the lack of light in his friend’s eyes, the spark he thought would never go out.
jeonghan hasn’t said anything since, lost in his thoughts every time he’s home. seungcheol is freaked out, not understanding the dead silence in the house. he doesn’t know that he’ll have to pay more for rent in…well, however long it takes for joshua’s lungs to finally fill up with your flowers. joshua knows he’s being cruel, but can’t he be allowed to be selfish in his last moments? is that too much to ask for after everything?
he doesn’t approach jeonghan, and instead writes. he writes journal entries in that notebook you got him a few years back, but he never used it because he was too scared to mess up in something you gave him; letters to those he’ll miss. he revises the one for his mother over and over again, crumpling paper like his lungs.
joshua doesn’t try to hide anything from seungcheol. he knows that his housemate’s blank expression means more than what he says. in fact, there is nothing said; their house is a place to rest and eat and nothing else. it’s as if there’s three ghosts, not just a single potential one. joshua sighs, wheezing out more petals. he grabs them hastily, making sure they don’t fall to the ground or worse, onto your letter. he carries them gently in his bloodied hands to the bathroom sink once again, the only companion he seems to have in the past few weeks.
joshua rinses each souvenir of his love one by one, clearing the dark red off before drying them and taking them back to the pile he’s made ever since this started. at first, they were hidden away in a small box on the corner of his desk, so no one would wander in and see them. now, he puts them on his nightstand haphazardly, the dark wood no longer visible under the various shades of yellow and red.
joshua picks up his pen—the expensive one his mom gifted him when he moved away so long ago; he never used it until now. the ink glides smoothly over the clean paper he had taken out earlier. he writes once again.
the only thing he knows how to say now is sorry. he writes it over and over again, signing each letter with the sounds he can barely make in real life, his voice hoarse from the damage done on his throat, and the lack of use.
maybe it’s time for something different? after all, this is for you, and he wants the news to be broken softly. he racks his head for something, anything that he finds good enough to become something real. he drinks the day-old water from the plastic bottle beside him, the familiar taste of blood accompanying it.
he glances at the clock he’s kept beside him since the start, and counts down two seconds; he has no time to waste.
he puts down the words he’s said so often to you that they’ve become a habit but seem to have changed ever since he started throwing up marigolds—a literal reminder of his unrequited love.
it’ll be a bit hard to be there for you when he’s dead, won’t it? joshua doesn’t mind. he never will.
he chuckles dryly, a whole flower falling out. he gets up and repeats his process for the petals before sitting back down.
joshua looks at his handiwork, pausing and adding a few more words before moving his paper to the side, and starting on another letter for his mother.
he stares blearily at the clock again, the red blinking numbers the only comfort he allows himself. it’s a new day.
joshua hopes it’ll finally be his last.
#dokries works#seventeen#seventeen x reader#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#seventeen angst#hong joshua x reader#hong jisoo x reader#hong jisoo scenarios#hong joshua imagines#hong jisoo imagines#hong joshua scenarios#hong jisoo angst#hong joshua angst#joshua x reader#joshua scenarios#joshua imagines#joshua angst
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Jade Siblings AU
An AU where Lloyd ran off before the ninjas could find him and the emperors are a teeny weeny bit obsessed with the FSM. Imagine their surprise when veeery shortly after finding Harumi they also find Lord Garmadon's kid, all alone with no family and no home! The FSM's grandson! (No, it isn't public information- the FSM is kind of a mystery to the average citizen. But they're not average citizens, now are they?) Oh, well! Garmadon is too busy causing chaos and who knows where the mother went, it wouldn't hurt to take him in! *proceeds to give him a fake name and keep him a secret for a while just in case*
Yeah.
The emperors aren't good parents. Harumi feels bitter and unloved. Lloyd also feels bitter and unloved. They hate each other at first. Hutchins is really trying.
Later, at night, they sneaked out of the palace. Hutchins found them together, burning down the shirt. At least that counts as getting along, right?
These two slowly warmed up to the other because neither of them thought of the emperors as their parents, they both hated the ninja and they would sometimes sneak out of the palace together, maybe even take turns. Oh, and their fascination for Garmadon. Lloyd would tell Harumi as much about his dad as he could. About the stories and things Garmadon did or said through letters and his super cool shadow form! And Harumi would listen intently and take notes. Which would just serve to further romanticize/idolize her view of Garmadon.
(Maybe she even felt a bit protective for the first time in her life when her lil brother Lloyd told her about the ninjas hanging him on a pole and making fun of him.)
Again, they don't see the emperors as their parents which means they don't see each other as siblings. Or, well, at least they want to believe that. They just don't refer to each other as such, to them, "Sister/Brother" is the equivalent of a strong word/phrase, kind of like struggling to say "I love you" even if you feel it- you don't just throw that word around like it's nothing, because we both know the power and emotions it truly holds. The vulnerability it brings.
Anyways...
They keep their little silly sibling rivalry because it's the only fun they have in their locked-up lives.
Have Harumi about to do Lloyd's make-up.
What a silly pair of siblings! What could ever go wrong?
#lloyd garmadon#ninjago#lego ninjago#sons of garmadon#harumi jade#jade prince lloyd#Jade Siblings AU#harumi ninjago#lloyd montgomery garmadon
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I can't stop making these now
Niko: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.
Crystal : I want a bf.
Crystal : Legend says that when you can’t sleep, it means you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.
Crystal : When I find out who you are, I’m going to punch you in the face.
Cat king: Hello friends!
The Squad:
Cat king: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling
Crystal : If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it
Edwin: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.
Cat king: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!
Esther: Ok, Cat king, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1916?
Cat king: edwin
Esther: ...You're ready.
(I edited this one obvs)
Cat king, when Charles walks in: Oh, hey, I'm just making pizza.
Cat king: *accidentally smacks Edwin in the face with the baking sheet*
Cat king: Never gonna make you cry!
Monty: Never gonna say goodbye!
Cat king: Never gonna tell a lie—
Crystal : I will hurt you.
Edwin: You spent all our money on THIS??
Charles, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.
Edwin: Hey, about that love letter you sent me-
Cat king: *blushes* What are your thoughts?
Edwin: The fourth sentence-
Cat king: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I-
Edwin: It’s “you’re” not “your”.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Crystal : No.
Niko: Nice rock.
Charles: Thanks, Jenny gave it to me.
Jenny: I threw it at you!
Charles: Aren't they the sweetest?
Monty: How did none of you hear what I just said?!
Charles: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Jenny: I got distracted halfway through.
Crystal : Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Cat king: As your best friend—
Edwin: Charles is my best friend.
Cat king, holding a knife: As your best friend—
Cat king: *watching their house burn down*
Cat king:
Cat king: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.
Charles: Well, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.
Monty: Mmm, we aren't really that close.
Charles: Oh, good.
Monty: What did you get Niko for their birthday?
Charles: I got them a kitten.
Monty: Really? Me too!
Crystal : I also got them a cat.
Edwin: Looks like we had the same idea.
Charles: Cat king, please tell me you didn't get Niko a cat as well!
Cat king: ...what do you think?
*later*
Niko, in their apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!
Edwin, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Crystal, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Charles, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Niko, trembling: What are we playing?!
Edwin: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Monty: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Edwin: But you’re always acting stupid?
Monty: ...
Monty: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.
Niko: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.
Crystal : But are you shuffling?
Niko: Everyday.
Edwin: What language are you two speaking??
Cat king, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader!
Edwin: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.
Monty: Niko, what are you doing?
Niko: *shaking a cat shaped piggy bank* I’m just trying to figure out how much change I have inside.
Monty: You could always take it out and count it.
Niko: Where’s the fun in that?
Cat king: Hey.
Edwin: Hey?
Cat king: I can't sleep. :/
Edwin: I can. Goodnight.
Niko: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F...
Niko: ...How did I fail being born?
Niko: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.
Charles: Edwin, I got suspended from school…
Edwin: WHAT?!?! What did you do?
Charles: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler, and he said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler”.
Edwin: And…?
Charles: I asked which end…
Edwin, unable to contain their laughter: Okay, you just made my day.
Charles, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.
Crystal : *trying to get five seconds of sleep*
Charles, poking Crystal ’s arm: Crystal Crystal . Crystal . Crystal .
Crystal : WHAT?
Charles: …We’re out of Capri Suns—
Edwin, to Charles: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.
Charles: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.
Edwin: You just told me you're pregnant.
Niko : Congratulations Charles, you're glowing!
Cat king: I just ended a five year relationship.
Niko: Oh no, are you okay?
Cat king: It's okay, it wasn't mine.
Niko : I was voted “friendliest classmate” in high school.
Charles: I was voted “most likely to become a clown”…
Cat king : You think that’s bad? HA! I was voted “most likely to get rabies”!
Edwin, playing a video game: How do I play?
*Edwin has drawn first blood!*
*Edwin is on a killing spree!*
*Edwin is on a rampage!*
*Edwin is unstoppable!*
*Edwin is dominating!*
*Edwin is godlike!*
Edwin: Don’t worry guys, I figured it out.
#dead boy detectives#incorrect quotes#i cant stop help me#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#monty finch#the cat king
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OMG
HOLY SHIT
First of all, reincarnation stories are so *mwuah*
Second, I love the interactive/visual novel/otome game style.
The Endings are so delicious and just makes me want to bite and eat it 😏😏😏.
I love the fact that in true otome game/VN style, the endings all give us little bits and pieces of stuff that fit with each other giving us a nice picture that is still kind of incomplete.
Ending 1 is the meet cute with our hubby (who is definitely not going to kidnap us at the slightest inconvenience like how Megumi summons Mahoraga).
Ending 2 is the one where we get stuff about our childhood and how there's this thing that yadda yadda yadda... we had a friend... NINA, MY BABY IS ALIVE!!! Our former childhood friend wants to marry us awwwww... Someone held us hostage while biting us... Awww... What a nice conversation with one of the women who took care of us Oh look some guy in the shadows (I'm sure that's nothing). This one is actually the first I got.
Ending 3, the “Horror/Bad” Ending, is actually not that bad because technically, all endings are bad because he will always find us. We just get a big question called “What the fuck is going on?”. It's just bad/horror because we're scared :( Also biting kink~
Ending 4 is where we find a super sweet note about love and perseverance. This couple is so sweet and romantic. The woman knows that they haven't been together for so long but she already knows that she's going to be with this guy for the rest of her life aww so sweet. She also talks about how love should be built on patience and to never rush it. She also talks about how this will be her last secret awwwww... Super sweet with no horrifying implications whatsoever.
These endings work well on their own but as you read the other endings you get the answers for the questions you have from the other endings but also questions that not even reading all the endings can answer.
Does that man there's a Golden/True Ending or A Bonus Scene?
Also
NINAAAAAAAAA!!!
MY BABY
YOU MAY HAVE EXISTED FOR A BRIEF IN IOFAB BUT EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Also this fic reminds of one of your art that has König buying reader. Biting kink, my beloved. Something something he would sooner mangle your flesh before letting you go...
[Major spoilers under the cut]
I actually almost made that fic into a game, but I realized it's not worth the effort so I didn't make it XD
Actually, this is how I think of the endings;
Ending 1: Good Ending with a question mark
Ending 2: Bad Ending
Ending 3: Cautionary Ending
Ending 4: Secret Ending
I feel like if you get the first ending, there's a chance you'll live happily ever after with him, especially when you really love him and accept him as he is.
As for the second one, congrats on getting it for the first time XD This is actually my favorite ending, bc it can lead to a continuation.
For the 3rd ending, it's just an attempt to write horror. I always want to bring horror elements to König's fics, because his character does have that potential. Also, it's just an excuse for me to write about my kink so—
I feel like I had to talk about the 4th ending, because it lacks some basic explanations. We all can pretty much guess who's the husband, so I'll skip that part. She and König weren't always this miserable, and the letter was the evidence that they once were a happy couple. But somewhere along the line (the reincarnation), she strayed away from him, for whatever reason. Just as he disagreed with her, he did the opposite of what she'd do if he loved her less than a lover; forcing her to be one.
It's actually a story about irony, because the only way to bind your lover with you is to make them hate you. The reincarnated reader hated to be bitten, so he marked her with his teeth. She didn't like when he's impatient, so he took it to the extreme. But all his actions were rooted from love. He did it because he loved her, he did it because he wanted to be her—in this life or the next. Like, you can find so many ironies in the letters. But I won't point them out bc it's more fun to discover them yourself 😌
Fun fact, the thing about her last secret or whatever implies that König shamelessly read her diaries XD She couldn't keep her secret because he'd just find it and read it. It's also ironic that he always found her secrets—even in the most difficult places—but couldn't find her last secret, which is the letter. That's why the papers were hidden for years inside the music box, until the reincarnated reader discovered it again. Makes you wonder what could've happened if he read the letter. Maybe all these tragedies wouldn't happen.
I'll be honest, I like Nina a lot too. In my head she ran away with the reader in IOFAB, and they lived happily ever after. Like, she deserves so much happiness 😭
Oh, that artwork. Haha… it's just a study on anatomy I swear 💀
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My love letter to qsmp and qsmpblr.
I saw other people doing this, so I might as well too!!!! I like the positivity of it all!!!
My story with qsmp is kind of a sad one, so sorry, but warning for the death of a loved one is mentioned in the second paragraph.
Originally, I was very excited about qsmp from the day it was announced. Quackity had been one of my favorite content creators for years at that point. Although, the day it started, I was on vacation with my mom and grandma for my little sibling's birthday. I didn't have time to watch day 1, so I just didn't get into it. I got updates through a friend of mine (Hi Warren!!!) meaning I had some idea of what was going on. Plus, I watched clips here and there. (Also, fun fact!!! I voted in the elections for Bad even though I didn't know what was going on!!)
Okay, here's the sad part. In early July of 2023, my grandfather on my mom's side died. It sucked. I was closer with him when I was little, so I didn't know what to feel. It hurts, I think. Everything about that situation sucked, from getting there to the mess that is my big ass family. Though on my last night there, I was thinking about the qsmp for whatever reason. I decided that I wanted to get into it there and then. I sat in the airport waiting to get on an airplane to go home watching qsmp compilations to get caught up. It was amazing. I felt better, just a bit.
I made my first post with the qsmp tag on July 13th, 2023, and y'all have been stuck with my ass ever since.
Now!!! It's time to shout out the lovely people of qsmpblr!!! (Under the cut cause I think this is getting long)
@kadextra Kade!!!! You're the first person I ever followed in qsmpblr and the person who inspired me to keep writing. I can never ever thank you enough for that. Your art is wonderful!!! Please keep creating!!!
@disfrutalakia Kia!!!!! You literally mean the world to me!!!! You were my full introduction to the Brazilians of the server, and I can't thank you enough for that!!! You say my characterization of Pac and Mike is amazing? Well, I couldn't have done it without you!!! Also, thanks for letting me live in your inbox for literal months!!!
@thesmpisonfire Des!!!! Hi bestie!!!! Before we were friends, whenever you were in my notes, I would get so excited!!! I thought you were the coolest person and still do!! Thank you for letting me ramble to you endlessly!!! I love everything we've made together!!!
@ultra-raging-ghost Ghost!!!! King!!!! The beloved ghostie on my dash!!!! And my beloved coauthor of Freaks and Their Tapes!!!! There's a lot I couldn't do without you!!! Thank you for being an amazing friend!!!!! Love you /p <3!!!!
@factorialsotherfandoms Factorial!!!! Beloved!!!! You're an amazing writer and kind friend!!!! I think about your fics all the time!!!! Please keep writing forever and ever!!!!! Please!!!
@iridescentpull Aynée!!!!! My fellow demigod Pac enjoyer!!!!!! I literally screamed when I saw we became mutuals!!!! You're so fucking cool and your writing is amazing!!!! I created demigod Pac content for us only tbh!!!!
@fitpacs Tumblr user fitpacs!!!!! The light on my dash!!! Please keep being so bright!!! I love seeing whatever you post!!!!!
@wsdanon wsd!!!!! The #1 Felps writer in my eyes!!!!! Your writing is beautiful, and characterization is everything!!!!! Adore seeing you on my dash!!! Please keep being you!!!!!
And to any mutuals, anyone in my notes, or just in the community in general!!!! This place would be nothing without y'all!!!!!
Thanks again!!!!!
- Misc, the most annoying qsmp blog ever <3
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In my og timeline, considering how the girls aren't as on equal grounds when they first meet (Bess an established, married woman already with a glowing reputation amongst the lower classes of the community (amongst the upper class it's a crapshoot), Connie a woman on the run with essentially nothing), do you think that changes Bess and TeTe's relationship at all compared to what they have in the Scroogeverse, even in a small way?
And on the other hand, in your og timeline, if Bess were ever to appear, do you think her and TeTe's relationship might be a little different there too, compared to the Scroogeverse?
Ough, that is an insanely good question.
For obvious reasons, TeTe is VERY protective of Connie. Not in a controlling way, but in a 'suspicious of any company until they prove their intentions' way.
Their daughter was left on the orphanage doorstep overnight and could have been abducted/worse, Arthur passed early, Orin abuses Connie and makes it hard for her parents to see her for 20 years (something he can do way easier in the og timeline than the modern timeline), Connie attempts suic*de and fails, and TeTe has no other immediate/distant family. Connie is all the family she has (Orin does not count).
By this point, Scrooge and Bess are known for their philanthropic efforts across London, and since TeTe is basically New York's biggest children's philanthropist, she knows them from the papers. Ebenezer might even know TeTe's name in turn ("Wait ... DoGoode? That's familiar. Why is it familiar?") When she receives a letter from Connie from the Scrooge manor stating that she is living there in safety and solace, TeTe takes a boat (damn the risks) and visits herself.
I think what changes would be the start of the relationship. She doesn't view Ebenezer or Bess with disdain, but moreso...interest.
"My daughter has written to me about you two. How you took her in and keep her safe. You allowed her the safety of being able to get back on her feet. I ... am thankful. Suspicious and a still a little terrified, mind you, but VERY thankful."
I think TeTe would still bond with Bess easily, especially as they talk about charity ventures, and would take to her very naturally. I can see the start of their bond having more of an orange/yellow-light start, rather than a green one that comes with the security of the modern AU. I can see the relationship also having a more professional start, since she meets Bess as half the dynamic, charity-dealing duo.
The visits would also be less frequent in this universe, as boat travel would take a month, and was not for the faint of heart.
She's also be a staunch ally of the Scrooges at bigger, high-class functions. If anyone dares to take Bess to task about her nationality, age or upbringing, TeTe will hear NONE of it.
At the start, I see Ezekiel getting some of the most persistent grilling. Though, since he's basically the anti-Orin, she realizes pretty quick that he can be trusted. Maybe.
If Bess and TeTe met in my og timeline, I think TeTe would be much more open from the get-go. Her hierarchy of needs is secure - Connie is well and safe. Orin is incarcerated an entire ocean away. I think, very similarly to the modern-verse, she'd take to Bess after hearing about how horribly her mother treated her. She sees this resilient young lady, and feels a calling to support and help her.
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@galefcrce My muse has died. Send in your muse’s reaction.
"When your light dims, I'll be waiting for you."
These were Gale's last words to her. He didn't even say it himself, but rather a leftover of life force in his corpse. It made her question, for the first time ever, if any of what the corpses said were true. Not that she doubted Gale, but those words were so bittersweet, she couldn't help but sob. The spell broke before even five questions were answered. Her arms were tight around Gale, her tears mixing with the blood in his robe while she felt her nose running, her voice cracking, getting a headache from the lack of breath.
He was gone.
It was hard to move on, hard to have one's future ripped from one's hand so badly, all the plans they had, all those things she couldn't tell him. On Jaheira's advice, she began to write letters to Gale he would never receive.
About them helping to rebuild Baldur's Gate, about her travels to Waterdeep and meeting his mother, about the many stories she told and wondered if her favorite wizard would be angry at his mother for telling her those, or if he would just slide embarrassed under the table. The scratches of Tara she deserved when hearing upon his fate.
But time passed, people got older. She noted down how Wyll was even in his old age truly the blade of the frontier and only accepted her help when he truly couldn't stand up anymore from his chair.
Gale, I bet you would have looked breathtaking with silver hair. Your little strands already were driving me almost crazy. I began counting them, just like you did with my freckles. I never finished though. It was a wonderful way to spend time in the quiet with you.
How she spent her adventuring time with Jaheira and the Harpers, always on a search for a cure or a way so Astarion could go back into the sun. Also, how Jaheira, just like Wyll, denied any help of her, but her children loved and cared under big nagging their mother to the end. How resilient could a woman be? Ceres was sure Jaheira would die on the battlefield just like Minsc, but she wasn't as reckless.
Tell me, Gale, did you ever want children? If yes, how would you name them? If not, how many dogs would I be allowed to adopt? And how would we name those? What about a Tressym family?
After she left the Harpers, she tried to meet with Shadowheart as often as she could.
Did you know she really got her little farm? It's so much more work than she anticipated, but she never looked so happy. And despite having a farm, she somehow managed to smell like the flowers from her garden.
You always smelled like a library. I loved it. I loved your scent so much. Do you remember how I stole your robe after you went into the river? I said it was for a prank, but I was too shy to admit that your scent alone made me feel like there was nothing but a happy end waiting for us."
But when Shadowheart showed her first wrinkles and gray strands, it was then that Ceres too noticed that she was getting older. It began with Astarion more often than not suggesting a break. The roads they managed to pass got shorter, to explore dungeons always included a long rest.
I heard of a spell called wish that could heal Astarion. Also, that one can use a divine favor to cure him. I am sure you knew that, didn't you? Astarion immediately dismissed the chance a god would help him. Who can blame him? In all those centuries, they never came to help us. I wonder, if I would have agreed with you to get the Crown of Karsus, would you be alive? Was I wrong to stop you? (I love you so much.)
The days get heavier, longer. Astarion suggested we should visit Halsin again in Reithwyn, haven't seen him for so long. I was really giddy at this suggestion. But were the roads always this bumpy? Or do they just build worse carriages over the centuries? Astarion said he didn't notice anything. It's hard to tell how old my body is, except when I look at my hands. I see wrinkles, I see veins, I think I got more freckles and your old count does not count anymore. When we meet, you have to start anew. Halsin got me immediately an own room. Despite being older than me, he still looks like on the first day. Maybe I should have become a druid too.
I still can't stop thinking about the spell to heal Astarion. I wonder if you need to be a chosen or a cleric for a divine favor. For sure, I did everything Eilistraee would be proud of me. I will try my luck. If she doesn't listen to one of Baldur's Gate's heroes, maybe at least Astarion found a home at Halsin's side.
My last days I spend with praying. My knees hurt, my limbs ache. I am at a point where I pray because I cannot get up anymore without the help of one of the people from Reithwyn. It makes me wonder, if Mystra had made you a chosen again, would you have stopped aging like Elminster one day? Would you be next to me, with long, silver hair, and help me up? Would you be the one, forced to watch me age, while you live eternally? Maybe what I am doing is for naught, but it's all I can do, while my body is too weak to even pass the city's border.
I cannot leave the bed, so I am reading all those letters I wrote to you, so I won't forget anything I wanted to tell you. But as my hands are shaking, writing this last letter to you, I know at least how to greet you.
I will look into your wonderful, hazelnut eyes, and tell you...
...
..
,
#જ⁀➴ player: tav!ceres#weavechaos#[an actual comic script I planned and wrote out and never did anything with it]#[Thats why it's not durge!tae; I hope it was still a nice read]
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Eugène writes to Bessières about being a prince
This letter I had already known about, as it was in large parts published by Frédéric Masson in one of his volumes on Napoleon's family.
For context: In early February Eugène had - apparently rather abruptly - been ordered to lead a contingent of troops (he speaks of chasseurs, mameluks and artillery) to Milan. Madame Rémusat links this to Napoleon's affair with Madame Duchatel, with whom, according to her, Eugène was first in love. Napoleon had, so to speak, snatched the girl away from his stepson. However, Murat and Caroline also seem to have been involved in this affair that led to violent fits of jealousy on Josephine's part.
I had always considered this a rather dubious anecdote but Eugène does admit in his very first letter to Bessières that he is worried about his mother's peace of mind, Hortense does mention Madame Duchatel in a letter to Eugène as well (though without any reference to Eugène being interested in her), and there's the strange allusion in Murat's letters to Eugène that "a beautiful lady never needs a recommendation" in Eugène's case. Which may or may not refer to this incident.
Whatever the case, at some point during the journey, Eugène received the news that he had been elevated to the rank of prince, in very flattering terms, and as soon as he reached Lyon and got out of the ugly winter weather, he wrote to Bessières about it.
Lyon, this 19 Pluviose [an XIII; 8 February 1805]
You know of my new dignity, my dear Bessières, you know above all the message to the Senate, you also know me well and you can easily judge all that I feel. It is impossible to describe.
I will admit to you that, knowing the Emperor's good intentions concerning me, I dared to expect something; but nothing so beautiful, nothing so flattering for me. I swear to you that I am confused.
Which is actually not a good translation as French "confus" apparently can take on several meanings at once: overwhelmed, stunned, even embarrassed.
I have written, as you can imagine, to the Emperor, the Empress, my sister, in fact to several people who have written me letters of congratulations. As for you, I hope you won't write me anything of this sort. That would be offending me, that would be thinking that I could question your friendship. You know that I count on it and that I attach the greatest importance to it.
Mine, my dear Bessières, is beyond all trial.
I embrace you with all my heart and, as I pay my respectful homage to Mme Bessières, I beg you to kindly ask her to always regard me as a friend of the house.
Le Pr. Eugène
I eagerly await your orders to cross Mont Cenis.
The postscript is a bit funny because in the letter before this one, Eugène had already described to Bessières in detail what he wanted these orders to look like.
Also, Eugène signing "Le Prince Eugène" - Napoleon had written him a letter explicitly telling him that from now on he had to do that. 😁
Bessières, as to him, must have written to Eugène about the newly acquired rank as well, because in his next letter from 29 Pluviose Eugène writes:
[...] I will not talk to you, my dear Bessières, about the letter you wrote to me. You must have received one from me in which I predicted all that your good friendship could inspire in you. Mine can be neither increased nor diminished. [...]
#napoleon's marshals#jean baptiste bessières#napoleon's family#eugène de beauharnais#france 1805#lyon 1805#italy 1805#@snowv88
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Do you have any new headcanons? I found the ones in your pin very interesting!
Firstly: forgive me for the delay in responding, I started collecting my new headcanons and ended up forgetting to come back here to show them.
Anyway, my new headcanons:
1. Olive's tiara/crown is also made from a heavy material to help her stay on the ground and not fly away. It's extra weight to give her more comfort on the ground.
2. The council of ymbrynes never learned that Bentham accidentally created the hollowgasts. If they had known, Bentham would probably have been arrested. Even if he didn't create the hollows on purpose, he definitely planned a small genocide. This is probably considered a crime by the council.
3. Peculiar souls are not acidic, ambrosia was only acidic because the Wights wanted it, they made it that way. An addictive and corrosive liquid. It was their way of harming their peculiar "allies".
4. Caul always knew that Miss Peregrine was the successor of one of the 12 great ymbrynes who sealed Abaton and this probably made him hate her even more.
5. Nothing bad happened with the old Enoch loop, he probably just didn't suit the place and asked to change loops and ended up in Cairnholm,As grumpy as Enoch is, he likes living there, if he didn't like it he would have asked to change loops at the first opportunity.
6. Every time Abe visited Emma after the war he always went with the intention of ending everything with her, but personally he couldn't, he never had the courage to break her heart personally. Ending everything by letter was easier for him and more painful for her.
7. Claire is very young, she was probably found by Miss Peregrine when she was still very little and Ymbryne adopted her, that's why Claire is so attached to Miss P, she's the closest thing Claire has ever known to a mother.
8.Just like Olive and Noor, Claire is also a peculiar "Infant" she was born with a second mouth on the back of her head and her story must be quite sad.
9. When Victor's body was brought to the island, Enoch was the one who sewed up the entire body, he was the only one who had the courage to do this for his friend.
10. Millard has never feared being forgotten by Miss Peregrine, and probably enjoys being in her presence because she never fails to notice him. She feels his peculiarity, it's as if she sees him. Even though she doesn't really see him, she feels him, she always knows where he is, he will never be forgotten by her, she is the only one who notices his presence all the time.
11. Horace's dreams are completely meaningless, sometimes he manages to interpret and avoid the bad future, and sometimes he cannot understand what he dreamed but tries to explain and everything comes out confused and meaningless.
12. During the entire time that Fiona was missing, she was recovering from the injuries caused by her fall and the violence of the wights.
13. When Miss Peregrine saved Abe she probably didn't know what his peculiarity was, he was too young to be able to kill a hollow, he probably only discovered his gift when he was older and managed to survive an attack by hollowgasts. After all, there is no way for him to discover his power without having met Hollow in person.
14. Hugh has a whole routine organized for his bees so that their life in his stomach is as comfortable as if they lived in a normal hive.
15. There was probably a burial for Caul, and for all the current wights, after all, before they discovered what they had become, they were all presumed dead.
16. The constant transformations of ymbrynes into their respective birds harm their bone health. Their bones keep changing size and becoming hollow, their joints are also damaged, which is why they develop bone and joint problems early. Like Miss Peregrine's arthritis and how Miss Avocet became a wheelchair user.
17. Mr White and his men always knew that the children were with Caul and not Miss P. He was only so worried about knowing where the Falcon was because he knew that it was his master, and he was worried that he wasn't with the children. The wights were only chasing the children to force them to look for Miss Wren faster.
18. Wights do not have complete control or trust in hollows, and they can see the creatures, but they do not trust them enough to ride hollows like Jacob does.
19. Miss Peregrine's greatest fear is losing one of her children. She's already lost many children to tragic deaths, and she definitely doesn't want to go through that again.
20. The ymbrynes of the primordial era of the peculiars were also giants. Gigantic and very wise bird-women.
#mphfpc#miss peregrines home for peculiar children#peculiar#ransom riggs#alma peregrine#caul bentham#jacob portman#myron bentham#theories and headcanons#headcanon#claire densmore#emma bloom#enoch#horace somnusson#millard nullings#olive elephanta#abraham portman#hugh apiston#fiona frauenfeld
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The following is an extended metaphor included in a ridiculously long letter I’m sending to my health care provider. I’m posting here because…idk, it’s writing and sharing it with y’all is probably more effective for my mental health than sending it will actually be.
You see, it’s been too long since I’ve seen anyone for my mental health so I need to go through a screening, presumably to discover if my disability (which has been diagnosed since 2000) is still real or something. Now mind you, this isn’t the government trying to cut my benefits, this is my healthcare provider (a company whose name rhymes with Miser) making me do this to get the healthcare I pay for. Thing is, there is only one way to access this screening, through phone. I can get a mammogram appointment through a phone call, the website, their surprisingly decent app or just fucking walking in on a slow day. Mental health care? Gotta be a phone call to get a screener appointment that will then pass me along the system.
Meanwhile my primary care doctor’s office keeps fucking nagging me about other health issues (which really fucking stresses me out since I know I should care but I can’t because I’m fucking crazy) and I’m like, I have one fucking major diagnosis with you people and yet, no one has ever once reached out to me about it. And since that diagnosis gets in the way of other health stuff, idk maybe we should nag me about that instead? So I wrote a letter to the patient advocacy folks asking them to tell my doctor’s office to lay off, but it’s really 1600+ words telling them that they suck. Nothing will change, but I guess I feel better?
Like a good number of people with mental illnesses, I have certain things that are hard for me to do. Simple things that ordinary people do without thinking, like making phone calls, can be impossible if your brain does not cooperate
As an example, please imagine you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, a really high drop, ten or more stories. There is a person next to you and they say, just step forward. You can’t do that because if you step forward, you’ll die. The person insists that the drop is the same as a regular stair, just a few inches, and that you just need to take the step and you’ll be fine. You ask if there’s a handrail, or maybe an alternate path, because you really do want to move forward, only there’s this cliff and your brain won’t let you take that step. The person insists that because it’s a simple step you don’t need handrails or an alternate route and kind of implies that you’re a little foolish for even asking. It’s just a step.
Now, stay with me on the edge of that cliff and imagine that instead of some random person who doesn’t know me, it’s someone who is supposed to care about me. It is, in fact, someone who I pay a fifth of my limited income to care about me. Someone who knows for certain that I have a condition that makes it hard for me to judge distances. But all they do is keep telling me it’s just a step, and it’s one I’ve stepped down before. And all I can remember is that the only reason I was able to step off it before was such severe mental pain that I was considering running from my home or possibly even killing myself. So when the only alternative to blowing up my whole life or even ending it was to leap off a cliff, yes, I was able to leap. However being able to jump off a cliff only because there’s a bear about to eat you is not a way to deal with everyday mental health issues.
#i know why they do it#because when you gatekeep#it’s easier to weed out people you don’t think need help#i also know that this letter will do nothing#but if my actual goddamn doctor’s office will leave me alone#it’ll help a little#and if the bear shows up again#i’ll make the call#but imagine what it would be like to deal with your mental health#when it’s not a fucking emergency#be cheaper for kaiser too but….
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Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)
I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.
I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.
(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)
In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.
Battle (let’s go)
For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.
And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.
(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)
To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.
Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️
(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)
If one thing had been different
Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?
(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)
(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)
There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.
(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)
To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)
(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)
Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.
Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)
Death by a thousand cuts
She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.
(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)
Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.
(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)
In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.
Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.
Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)
From the same little breaks in your soul
I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.
Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)
This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️
#writing letters addressed to the fire#me thinking too hard about taylor lyrics#taylor swift#midnights#long post#lyrics analysis#song parallels#Gabby this one is for you friend <3#here goes nothing#Happy Friday or something idk!#(also i know i said there are things i wouldn’t discuss on main but my dms are open lol)#this is not as structured or well plotted out as I wanted it to be#and turned out to be more stream of consciousness than legit essay#but whatever at least i got my thoughts out there and it can release some plot of land in my brain for other stuff to think over lol#If anyone ever reads this thank you! And I’m sorry?#The best compliment i ever got in school#was when we were doing an analysis of a poem in English lit in college#And i brought something up casually#and my prof went ‘I’ve been teaching this class for eight years and that’s the first time anyone’s ever brought it up like that’#’and that just blew my mind’#and i was like ‘who me?’#so that’s all you need to know about me lol#Midnights: The Great War#Bigger than the whole sky#bttws#Midnights: Paris#Midnights: high infidelity#would’ve could’ve should’ve#Midnights: dear reader#midnights: bigger than the whole sky
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Today on "Another JeanMarco Soulmate AU absolutely no one asked for" I present to you -
Soulmate AU in which you stop seeing colors when your soulmate dies, the only exception being your soulmate. Now cue to Jean who just found Marco's, his best friend's, body. And you know, there's the shock of finding out Marco's dead. The pain and confusion and guilt. But there's also the revelation, because despite everything he can still see Marco like nothing took place at all- yes, half of his face is missing and his body is straight up lifeless, but Jean can still make out the color of his eye ; see that light shade of brown perfectly, remember all the times he has found himself looking at them while listening to Marco talk. He can still make out the colors of his uniform, see the same shade of black his hair has always had, practically see. Despite being dead, Marco was the only piece of color left in his life.
And there's denial for a moment because there's no way Marco was his soulmate. But that goes away fast, getting replaced by guilt. By the fact that he hasn't been there to save him, that Marco has to die all alone without anyone being there for him.
And that was worse than the simple fact that he could no longer see colors ; because Marco was there when Jean needed him, but he failed to do the same. And not only he lost his best friend that day, but his other half too.
#Anyway this fucker doesn't tell anyone about the whole soulmate thing. Not of shame of anything but because he's mourning man and also is no#One's business. Anyway the first one to find out is Armin because he notices and ever since he makes sure to mention colors as often as he#can. Like 'These flowers are a nice shade of red' or 'Green suits you well Jean! You should wear this shirt' stuff like that#Jean does appreciates it once he gets over his ego and pain and lets other people get closer to him#Funny enough Jean is the only one in that situation loool. Well I don't know about Reiner and Historia is getting there soon enough but#everyone else??? Colors everywhere man#Is both funny and sad#'Since when..?' Jean expected that question yet he wasn't truly ready to answer it. Deep down he knew he was never going to be ready for it#'Trost' his voice stains sightly while naming the city. His own city. The place he grew up in all his life. The others say nothing else#after that confession. They were all aware many has died during Trost. It wasn't that far fetched for Jean's soulmate to be some civilian#lost during the evacuations or something. But then Connie's eyes widen ever so sightly the realization sitting in. He doesn't even register#when he says 'It was Marco right?' and regrets it immediately. Jean's painful face is all the answer they needed#Also Historia ready the letter and the world losing colors while she's doing that??? Her tearing up a little but not letting herself cry#until she gets alone???? Her going to Jean once that happens and them comforting each other?????#They starts seeing colors again once Eren dies. Poor Jean is trying his best to not have a breakdown because Connie needed him more in that#moment#Reading* wtf my tags make no sens sorry guys I'm lowkey tired#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#aot marco#jean kirschstein#snk#JeanMarco Soulmate AU#soulmates au#I'm not sad you are
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i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now
#meaning i’m having the worst start of the year ever#i’m EXHAUSTED fucking exhausted from my living situation and it doesn’t seem to get better any time soon#naturally i don’t have it in me to write because i don’t have enough time to relax. it’s been three fucking weeks.#i just don’t know even my body gives up from this stress and not like something terrible is happening#it’s extremely upsetting also considering that i love writing and it’s the only activity that makes sense to me#and always has been like that it’s in my core#and i. can’t do it. i can’t. i have no willpower or strength and it’s not writer’s block i’m just SO TIRED ALL THE TIME#therapy and years of medication mean nothing at this fucking point. props to me for not killing myself tho. well done 👍#sorry for ranting i am so frustrated that i can scream. i have actually. didn’t help.#well ahem i hope you understand 🙏 i feel bad that i’ve promised the chapter a long time ago and NOT TO BE THAT AO3 AUTHOR but#i really wanted to keep my promise. fuck me i guess#putting letters together one word at a time
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i can’t remember how i came out as a boy here last time so expect it to happen in the most slapdash way this time round
#raii talks a lot#ik i don’t have to do so but i don’t know squad…. i don’t know….#well i do know that’s the situation. like. that’s the whole deal#also unrelated are the tags compressed for anyone else? like i’ll type some letters and it’ll just show a letter and … in the past tags#whatever it does not matter it is NOTHING to me. anyway
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2023 reads // twitter thread
The Sun and The Void
Venezuelan inspired high fantasy
follows a young outcast swordswoman taken in by her grandmother, the dark sorceress for a noble family, who relies on the magic to keep her alive after being attacked by monstrous creatures
and a young noblewoman who’s the shame of her family because of her mixed heritage and desire to use magic
both are manipulated by those with more power than them into a plot to free an ancient evil god
mineral based magic, politics, nonhuman MCs
#The Sun and The Void#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#hm. haha. surface level this is kinda interesting and cool but i am going to follow with so many complaints#though I feel like it didn’t go into the magic or worldbuilding as much as I wanted and it felt irrelevant to the characters#like how does the magic even work? idk man#though I feel like it didn’t go into it as much as I wanted and it felt irrelevant to the characters#very slow to start and the pacing is weird. it would also go ages without having the other POV. very disjointed?#it felt like the first 60% was just context for the group of characters getting together as a group and then it was a bit predisposed with#They’re A Group! even tho. they're barely a group for long#the authors note mentions that the story concept started with a line about the god and ritual and…..yeah I can kind of tell#I feel like everything was built up around it in a way that ultimately that part didn’t fit right#I never bought that any of them were actually like fully committed to the evil dark magic? and also there’s this plot twist#that they have to fully kill the sacrifices & I was like…did we not already know that? girl r you stupid what do you think sacrifice means#also#oh my god at like half way one of the MCs is like. oh finally this guy who I’ve been exchanging letters with for months turned up to get me#away from here! by the way I’ve been exchanging letters with this guy and we’re friends! and like. she’d been doing nothing much for the#last 10% of the book why was that not like….shown as something she was doing? and like build up the friendship for the reader instead of#just dropping it on us - and also that we know the character from the other POV. and hes a racist prick. and we're supposed to believe she'#charmed by him because of this letter writing WE DIDN’T SEE….. why.#and then also that is like. he’s a shitbag and it’s obviously not romantic at all. he’s manipulative and terrible to her#EXCEPT at the end it implies his bad behaviour is because demon and oh uwu he gets all beat up and maybe hes sowwy now#and starts to imply she likes and is attracted to him? and I get the impression the next book is gonna be like evil power couple dynamic?#which. feels like the first concept the author had; and then tried to build up to that but not effectively lmao#for the lesbians:#I DO APPRECIATE having an assumed love interest then realising that that was idealised and actually you have feelings#for this other person you’ve become friends with! nice slow switch up. though quite brief#I do however dislike that when she admitted her feelings to the first LI and she rejected her it was still framed as the other’s fault#for not reciprocating the feelings….worst trope….also like. it kind of conflated her not feeling that way to her having a bit of class disc#which. yikes? oh my god stop villainising people for not reciprocating romantic feelings (ALSO they turn out to be related anyway 🤪)#i just feel like the romance switchover could have been done with more nuance and complexity
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