#i ??? had to cut myself off at some point??? or i'd just keep going forever?????
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11/FEB/20XX
got to practice my healing magic some more today as frisk continually papercut themselves during the construction of a heart garland.
"starting to wonder if that paper's red from paint or your 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 at this point, kiddo."
"I'm not bleeding 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 much."
frisk re-did a section they messed up from being cut, extra careful not to get sliced in the same way twice.
"so..."
"you just make these garland thingies for every holiday now, huh?"
turning to look at me, expression completely unchanged -
"Yes."
they answered confidently.
"..all right then."
they put glue around the edges of a paper heart and dipped it in glitter; repeating this process until they had however many shiny hearts they deemed 'enough'.
by this point, i'd already come to accept the glitter that was going to be everywhere forever.
that stuff doesn't come out of carpet well.
however, apparently me staring at the glitter going everywhere gave frisk a terrible idea.
"Hey, Sans. Look at me for a second."
i did.
i shouldn't have.
with a handful of glitter, frisk blew as hard as they could to coat my face in a glittery pink.
". . . ."
they couldn't stop laughing.
i took what i could off, eventually sure i had to have gotten most of it.
there was a knock at the door.
"Hello, Sans."
"I am here to pick Frisk up."
"Waitwaitwait, I'm almost done! Give me like five more minutes?"
"...Alright, five minutes it is."
"Me and Sans will be outside chatting in the meantime."
"Got it."
frisk sped up their paper-snipping.
"don't cut yourself again in the five minutes i'm not with you, ok?"
"I haven't cut myself THAT many times!"
"...."
".....Okay. I'll be more careful."
me and tori stepped just outside the door. the weather was just cool enough to still be pleasant.
she looked at me and started to say something before pausing.
"..Your eyesockets are looking quite glittery today!"
"."
"it's."
"it's still there??"
"If you mean-"
"the glitter."
"..Yes, it is."
"goddamn it."
"It is not a terrible look."
"thought i got all the glitter out. thought wrong, apparently."
"How did this happen, anyway?"
frisk would definitely get in trouble if i told toriel they blew glitter in my face.
i rejected that avenue of petty revenge.
"fell asleep without realizing i went face-first into the stuff."
"I see."
"If you are really so determined to remove it immediately, perhaps we could try some tape."
"worth a shot."
frisk looked confused when we re-entered the house.
"It hasn't been five minutes yet. It's been like... three and a half."
"I'm extending your time a bit."
"SICK! For how long?"
"..However long it takes to remove glitter from this skeleton's face."
"Oh."
tori poked around the room for some tape.
confused as to why they weren't being scolded, frisk gave me a questioning look.
"(didn't tell her.)"
"(Why?)"
"('s not a big deal, so why bother?)"
"(..Because you didn't want to bother.)"
"(yup.)"
"(Should've expected a lazy reason for it.)"
"If not here, where might you keep your tape?"
"oh, i think i had it in my room."
"..What for??"
i remembered taping things to a certain card.
"probably broke something. who knows."
"Alright then, I suppose."
"Is it alright if I go in your room?"
"yeah i- uhhhhh."
"actually, hold on."
opening and closing my door behind me, i looked around my room. no way in hell was i deep-cleaning the place, but kicking loose clothes under my bed and straightening the sheets a little was a start.
and by start i mean
"good enough."
then i opened the drawer that valentine's junk and the tape dispenser were sharing space in.
"ok, you can come in."
i kicked the drawer shut. tori entered and closed the door behind her. she looked around and inspected the bed for a moment.
"It is much nicer with a frame, is it not?"
"pretty cozy, i guess. still breaking that habit of flopping onto the floor though."
"Is that what that is for?"
pointing to a light i'd attached to the bottom of my bed.
"to remind me my bed's raised."
"Smart solution."
"May I?"
glancing at my bed.
"go ahead, but fair warning that my sheets'll probably make you smell of funky skeleton odor."
sitting down on the edge of my bed, she laughed.
"I do not mind 'skeleton odor'. Whatever it is that entails."
i sat down next to her.
"so, uh."
"you turnin' me into a tape mummy for this?"
motioning for me to turn around, toriel guided my head to her lap.
"...what's-"
tape was suddenly pressed into my left eye socket.
"....."
"no warning, huh?"
"Sorry. I figured you had understood where this was going."
"well i... certainly understand 𝘯𝘰𝘸."
the experience of having tape put 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 my sockets wasn't any less bizarre and slightly jarring than the experience having tape pulled 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 my sockets, but i think i'm pretty much glitter-free. at least she was more gentle from then on.
when we exited my room, i noticed frisk suddenly had headphones on. i tossed the ball of glitter-coated tape at their head to catch their attention. it bounced onto the carpet. they looked up and took off their headphones.
"Oh, you done making out?"
"Frisk! I was not 'making out' with Sans."
"she was helping me undo 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 mess, y'know."
"I thought you said you fell asleep in the glitter?"
"......"
frisk's face begged me not to tell. once again, i set aside the easy revenge.
"yeah, i did. anyway, you better take 'em home before they sparkle up the place any more."
frisk swept their paper and glitter mess into their bag and hopped up from the floor.
"Did you finish your creation, my child?"
proudly unraveling a glittery paper-heart string.
"Yup."
"It is very pretty! We can hang it up when we get home."
they swung up the front door and darted across the lawn to hop into tori's car.
toriel stopped for a moment, pausing to lock her eyes with mine. with a quick glance backwards to see where frisk was, she bent down a little to raise my hand to her lips.
"returnin' the favor?"
"It is only fair."
she gave a hopeful smile.
"You will visit me on the fourteenth, will you not?"
"..yeah. 'course i will."
#undertale#journal#sans#frisk#sans and frisk#frisk and sans#toriel#toriel x sans#sans x toriel#soriel#sorry my schedule is atrocious lately y'all#valentines
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To Make a Heaven of Hell (4/?)
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Virgil gets to explore Lily's paradise, have some questions answered, and think about some things.
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Chapter warnings: past toxic relationship/trauma, brief mention of gender dysphoria
Notes:
This chapter took me a while to write, but I'm really happy with how it turned out!! I'm so grateful for Jaysea's Hells Belles prequel fic - I think I'd die without it at this point, lmao. It makes it very easy to orient myself and write my descriptions of places like Lily's paradise. lol. If you like the series and haven't read it, go read it, after this chapter, obviously. It's very good.
Please enjoy this chapter! And I apologise that we don't get to meet Roman yet ;-;
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“You’re absolutely sure you’re okay with this?” Virgil asked for what must have been the thousandth time as Lily lead him back through the door maze that was the universal paradise realm. It made Virgil uneasy just to be back here at all, though he was reassured by the promise that they weren’t going to his own door.
“Absolutely,” Lily reassured, voice still patient and kind no matter how many times he asked, “I’m not about to make you sleep in the break room, am I?”
“But- your paradise?” Virgil asked, “Isn’t that- personal, or something?”
“Virgil,” Lily said, pausing their trek along the dusty paths, Virgil worried for a moment that he’d done something wrong, “You are welcome in my paradise whenever you want, even after you’ve accepted your own. You need somewhere to stay, and I have a spare bedroom, it’s okay.”
Virgil was silent for a moment, and Lily took that as a sign to continue walking, he followed, despite his growing uneasiness about the whole situation, “I- I can’t cook, or clean, or anything- I know money’s not a thing here- but-”
“You don’t need to do anything to earn your keep,” Lily cut him off firmly, “You don’t need to earn basic kindness.”
“But-”
“And besides,” Lily said, “Carl gets annoyed if you try to clean.”
“...who?” Virgil asked, frowning. They didn’t realise someone else was involved in all this.
“Ah, Carl, my house,” Lily said, her house… had a name? She chuckled at his obvious confusion, “It’s semi-sentient, Sharkie named it when they were little.”
“Really?” Virgil asked, tilting his head.
“Yeah, she lived there too, before they accepted their own paradise,” Lily said, winking at them. Virgil didn’t say anything to that, but he was sure Lily saw the astounded expression on his face.
“We… age… here?” Virgil finally asked, as they started to approach a round purple door with shimmering silver metalwork set into it.
“Not exactly,” Lily said as they stopped in front of the door. This must be Lily’s, “Once you settle into yourself your body will either age or de-age to wherever you feel most comfortable - uh, best examples, Judy is a lot younger now than when she died, and Sharkie is a lot older.”
“So… I’m not going to be seventeen forever?” Virgil asked. Lily laughed.
“Not unless you want to be.” She reassured, “Once you’re settled and comfortable here you should age until you’re comfortable.”
“Oh thank God,” Virgil chuckled awkwardly, before looking back at the door, “So this is…”
Lily nodded, stepping up to open the door, “Welcome, to Hobbiton.”
“Hobbiton?” Virgil asked, before he actually got a look around the door and gasped, “Oh, Hobbiton,”
“I know, it’s cool, right?”
“Really cool,” Virgil chuckles, following her lead as she walked through the door and up to the house.
Virgil yelped in surprise as a black and white blur darted out of the front door as soon as Lily opened it. She laughed, leaving the door open as she walked over to pick up what Virgil could now see to be a cat.
… he felt a little silly being afraid, now. The cat was adorable.
“This is Max, my cat,” Lily said, smiling as she walked back over, “You can pet him, if you’d like, he’s a little attention seeker.”
Virgil laughed and tentatively reached out to run his fingers through the cat’s long fur. Animals had never liked him back in the mortal world, especially not his parents’ monster of a cat. Max, however, seemed to be happy with affection, no matter who it came from, and rubbed his head against Virgil’s hand immediately.
While he still couldn’t help but feel uneasy about this whole thing - Lily letting him stay in her paradise and promising no catch felt wrong on so many levels - he thought maybe he could get used to this anyway.
—-
Lily had let him know which room was hers, and which room he would be staying in too. She’d let him know that he was welcome to use the kitchen if he wanted - Virgil had quietly mumbled that he was scared of the oven, embarrassed, though she hadn’t seemed to mind. She’d told him that he could read anything in the library, but to beware because a lot of the books were… spicy, in nature. She’d also told him that he was welcome to explore the house, as well as the rest of Hobbiton, at his own leisure.
He’d been left alone in her hobbit hole after she had left to go on a date with Bel. For a while he’d just sat on the bed of the spare room, looking around with his hands in his pockets. The idea of touching any of Lily’s things sent a shiver of fear down his spine. Objectively, he knew she wouldn’t get angry, she’d given him permission, for goodness sake. He just couldn’t quite shake the feeling. He’d lived with his boyfriend for two years before he died, and every minute in that house he’d been walking on eggshells. It was hard not to apply that same fear to this.
But this was paradise, Lily wasn’t the same as his boyfriend. No-one would appear from around a corner to scream at him for toasting a piece of bread or daring to sit in the wrong chair.
Not only that, but the way Lily seemed to trust him so readily was almost eerie. Sure, the fact that he’d earned a paradise in the eyes of the universe was at least somewhat telling about their character, but she’d still only known him for a short time. He wondered how a person could be so trusting.
But then again, he trusted her, at least somewhat, so maybe it wasn’t so strange.
Taking a deep breath, and then another, Virgil finally stood back up from the bed in the spare room and slowly ventured back out into the hallway. He couldn’t help the way he crept, making sure he didn’t make noise despite the fact that he knew Lily wasn’t here, and that she wouldn’t care. Slowly he made his way back to the living room - the space was lovely, but he caught the reflection of himself standing in it and almost burst out laughing. He looked over at Max, curled up on the couch.
“I really don’t fit in here, huh,” Virgil chuckled, the way he stood, so out of place in the almost cottage-core living room, with his dark patchy clothes, ripped jeans, and big stompy doc-martins, the dramatically emo makeup he wore atop his deathly pale skin and shaggily cut dyed black and purple hair. No, he stuck out like a sore thumb.
Max just stared back at him, looking unimpressed. Virgil shrugged.
“I guess it doesn’t matter, right?” Virgil said to the cat, as though he would respond, Max just licked his paw, “It’s not like this is actually my place, it’s Lily’s, I’m not supposed to fit in, right?”
Max meowed at him, because of course, he was a cat, and didn’t actually understand a word they were saying.
“Cool, thanks,” Virgil said anyway, coming to the conclusion that no, it didn’t matter. Lily said he was welcome here, so he was, even if he stuck out like a sore thumb against the fantasy aesthetic of the house.
Maybe he’d explore later, but for now he sat down on the couch and looked at the fire burning in the fireplace. He sat there, for a long moment, just staring at the flames, until he remembered something Logan had told him when he first got here.
“You should also - as a soul - have a body that more accurately aligns with your gender identity.”
He hadn’t thought about it, really, because the state of his own body had - surprisingly - been the least of his worries since he’d arrived in the afterlife. But now that he sat and thought about it… Logan was right.
When he turned to look back at the mirror, he could already see that his facial features looked a little more masculine. When he looked down at himself he couldn’t see much of a visual difference to how he’d looked back in the mortal world whilst he’d been wearing his binder, but… he wasn’t wearing a binder now.
He couldn’t help but flap his hands when he realised that he wasn’t wearing a binder, but his chest was still flat. When they’d come to terms with that realisation, they slowly - very slowly, under the watchful gaze of Max - peeled off their jacket for the first time since he’d gotten here and stood up, walking over to stand in front of the mirror in awe.
Maybe he couldn’t see much difference when he was sitting, but Virgil was pretty sure that his body was less curvy than it had been. It was… odd, he barely felt a difference, but it was there for certain. It was weird to him how he could stare at his own reflection without feeling disconnected - like he was looking at someone else - or cringing away when he saw what he looked like.
He looked like… him.
They weren’t sure how long they spent staring at himself in the mirror, but eventually, Max meowed and walked over, winding his body around their legs. Virgil laughed, bending over to pick up the cat before looking back at the mirror.
Honestly, Virgil might like to have a pet of his own one day.
“You wanna explore the garden with me, Max?” Virgil asked the cat, who purred loudly and snuggled into his arms, “Okay, let's go.”
—-
When Lily returned a few hours later - with Bel walking next to her - Virgil had finished wandering through her garden and instead retreated to the Library, finding one of the few non-spicy books and curling up in Lily’s favourite armchair to read. That’s where Lily found him, half asleep using their jacket as a blanket with the book open on his chest. She’d carefully taken it and slipped a bookmark between the pages to save his place, before grabbing a proper blanket and draping it over him before retreating to her own bedroom with Bel.
Virgil woke up in the middle of the night to the dim light of the moon shining through the library window. His neck hurt from the awkward position he’d fallen asleep in on the chair. He stood up, pulling his jacket on properly and grabbing the blanket that he was pretty sure hadn’t been there when he’d fallen asleep and trailed - half asleep - back to the room Lily had said he could stay in, collapsing properly on the bed and falling back to sleep in an instant.
—-
The next morning he’d woken up to sunshine on his face - which he didn’t really appreciate, he’d have to remember to close the curtains tomorrow night - and the smell of pancakes. It was so surreal that Virgil just lay there staring at the vaulted ceiling of the room for a few minutes as everything came back to him. He didn’t remember where he was for the first few seconds until he turned his head to look out of the window and saw Lily’s garden, and beyond that the rolling green hills of Hobbiton. So all of this hadn’t been some kind of medicine-induced dream.
Virgil breathed a sigh of relief as he dragged himself out of the bed and padded out into the hallway in black fluffy slippers that had appeared by the door to the bedroom - he was sure those hadn’t been there yesterday - to find Lily humming along to music in the kitchen, flipping a pancake in a saucepan.
"Hey kid!" Bel said, waving to him from where he was leaning casually against the kitchen counter, his tail was swaying to the music. Virgil waved, ducking his head, a little embarrassed for seemingly no reason.
“Good morning,” Lily said turning to look for him when Bel spoke, “Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah,” Virgil answered, hands in his hoodie pockets as he realised that yes, he’d slept last night better than he’d slept for… a long long time, and he’d woken up to the prospect of pancakes, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to summarise in words how amazing this felt, “I slept really well.”
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General tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @reptilianrapscallion420 @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)
Hell's Belles AU tags: @awitchbravestheverge @twoalpacas @goldnskyart @anxious-mess19 @doteddestroyer :)
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Hoping I'm not late for the prompt thing! I'd say Rosquez + 20 and Fabio/Tony + 7 or 22, if you like one of those ideas ❤️
7. to shut them up
“It’s just… Maybe at one point I have to realize that the issue is not just with the bike and I’m the one not doing things correctly, you know?”
“Fabio,” Tony protests when he’s on the up position of his sit-up, hands behind his head and eyes looking sternly at Fabio.
Fabio has always enjoyed training with other people, especially when he needs to hit the gym. It was even more true when he was younger and had trouble focusing on his own but even now that’s he’s fine doing sessions alone, he appreciates having another body in the room with him.
Sometimes it pushes him to go just a little harder, out of pride or competition. Sometimes he just likes the company, someone to share a smile or an exhausted expression with.
Tony is a great training buddy. He likes to fake complain when Fabio wakes him up too early to go on runs and he pretends to be exhausted when Fabio drags him to the gym for a late day session but it’s only temporary. Once they’ve started and Tony can admire the results of their hard work in the mirror and Fabio mocks him for it (when he doesn’t offer to take pics for him), it’s all good.
Today, they’re having a lifting session in Fabio’s basement, Fabio currently holding on Tony’s shoes while Tony does his serie of sit-ups, reggaeton playlist playing on low in the background.
And maybe just maybe, Fabio’s thoughts couldn’t escape the disaster that his team currently is and he went off a tangent at some point.
Tony’s usually good at listening to him. In face of his protest, Fabio might squeeze his ankles a little harder. “I know, it’s stupid to think like that. Marc said—”
One second Fabio is in the middle of his sentence. The next, he’s being cut off by Tony’s mouth crashing against his. He barely has the time to realize what’s happening to him or even figure out how to react before Tony has already drawn back.
There is a pause, then, where they both just stare at each other, the moment suspended in time for what seems like forever but probably only really is a handful of seconds.
“I can’t focus on what I’m doing if you’re downtalking yourself,” Tony eventually says, a slight frown between his brows and his cheeks flushed red. “Yes to shit talking the bike, no to the I’m not good enough nonsense.”
And just like that, he drops back down to resume his serie of sit-ups, Fabio ending up staring at him.
Saying he still feels his lips tingling sounds stupid. Asking why Tony chose the part where Marc was mentioned to intervene seems even more silly.
(It doesn’t keep a small part of Fabio’s brain from wondering.)
“Your turn,” Tony stops his thoughts from going further. He’s back to a sitting position, arms hugging his drawn-up knees. Fabio’s hands are still holding onto him, Tony’s skin warm under his fingers.
There is a thrill under his skin, his heart pumping hard even though he’s not the one exercising right now. They’re asking for him to take a small leap there —try something he doesn’t know the outcome of yet, take a risk— and Fabio, well, he sure loves to jump.
“Do I need to talk badly about myself for you to kiss me again or can I just ask for a good luck kiss? For energy, you know?”
Somehow, the blush on Tony’s cheeks goes even redder and he shakes his head before looking down, avoiding Fabio’s eyes for a short moment.
When he focuses on Fabio again, Fabio can see the hint of a smile at the corner of Tony’s lips and the way he’s definitely biting his own tongue right there.
Pushing Tony down and hovering over him is easy. Making out on the ground of his home gym is admittedly gross.
For a good handful of minutes, Fabio couldn’t care less about anything else in the world.
(Tony complains about his back the next morning when they shower together. He doesn’t have much more complaints to make once Fabio is down on his knees in front of him, though.)
#fabio quartararo#tony arbolino#rpf#my writing#prompt fill#it's going to take forever to write all of them but I'm not forgetting the kissing prompts I promise#it's easier when I have one per ask but I might do the other ones of this ask too I'll see#1420
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idk if you're still doing these but i'd love if you do a character opinion bingo on orihime and/or renji. i saw your bleach red au art a few months ago when i was reading ahead before the anime premiere and i've been Rotating It In My Mind ever since, i just love your take on both characters
First off, this is just such a nice comment! :D So nice, in fact, that I drew a doodle for it. I'm always surprised when other people engage with my silly AUs. Rotate away! Let's play in this space together! I've actually got a couple of short scene comics in the works for RED that will probably be done around January if I'm being honest with myself. (I’m busy, I’m slow, and comics take a long time!)
Originally, I wasn’t going to do the rest of the bingo memes that I still have asks for- (sorry!!!) it’s been a while and it felt like the general Vibe of things had moved on, but you’ve shot a friendly arrow into my ass about it so PERHAPS I will!
I’m choosing to just do Orihime for this, because I ended up writing an Essay and Renji... I don’t know if I’m coherent enough about Renji to do a bingo on him without breaking down into garbled eldritch signs and scratched pictograms on cave walls. Orihime is the safer choice. Less of a cognito hazard. More legible. So under the cut she goes! I hope this suffices for you anon.
[Edit: 5/6/2023 cut removed by request for record keeping! <3 ]
LADIES AND GENTLESNAILS WE HAVE OUR FIRST BINGO!
I’d like to preface this by saying Orihime was not one of my favorite characters the first time I read Bleach. What can I say? We are all a series of nesting dolls, and the things we relate to change as we add layers to our hearts. With age, experience, and another read, she is ABSOLUTELY one of my favorite characters in anything period. I have a lot of feelings about her, and a lot of them are “oh god why did you get married so young” and “while I understand where this narrative train is heading I want to get off!!!” So like any good AU fantasizer... complicated! :D
So let’s just take the bullets in order, shall we?
they are soooooo cool looking:
Orihime (circa Soul Society Arc to a vague point somewhere in the Arrancar Arc) has a very unique facial structure! She’s got a large forehead and downturned eyes that make her seem a little mournful even when she’s smiling brightly. Honestly, it’s a VERY neat bit of character storytelling through design, and while I could never beef with an artist for style creep, I’m sad that her unique features seemed to even out and become more standardized as the manga grew loooooooonger and Kubo aged everyone up.
Beyond that, my girl is ADORABLE and I like her slightly off kilter fashion choices; they really speak to someone who both
- had few/strange/ill-equipped adult influences in her life to guide her early clothing choices
- has to tailor her own clothes to fit a body out of place.
It’s just.. I could just go on forever about this! Orihime’s design isn’t complicated, but it’s informative, and that’s not something I can take for granted in a visual medium. The choices Kubo made in those areas of her design give us a window into her personality.. Which is to say, a lonely, grieving teenager who’s had to teach herself to Person while hanging onto the razor wire of societal expectation and threat. (not unlike our other protagonists, no? Ha. Our poor Karakura kids.) You can tell something is a little off about her. Her hair is wrong, her face is wrong, her clothes are...wrong. Ish, if not skillfully amended. Like she’s not doing great at camouflaging, but she’s existing in the shadow of the benefit of the doubt and that will just have to do before her star really starts to shine.
wasted potential:
“I reject your version of reality and substitute my own!” -Orihime at some point, probably.
That’s insane. That’s mindbreakingly, hand-twirlingly eye poppingly FUN. In a world full of near misses, sword skill expositions, and by-the-skin-of-your-teeth victories and losses, ONE imaginative girl can just go. “Uh. Y’know, I don’t like this very much. Nope. Nope nope nope.” And the world reorganizes itself to fit the shape of that NOPE. Her ability to reject the consequences of actions and events she wasn’t even there to witness is just.. Game breaking. But ultimately, those powers are the expression of a personality, and the personality belongs to a person who... really doesn’t care much about power at all- at least, not for its own sake. Orihime is a healer, a time bender, a bastion, a judge who can interact with the binary of the universe at large-- aaand that’s never really expanded on.
Everyone who sees her Do Her Thing universally goes “what in the bugfuck is this” because it Just Does Not Compute. It’s not supposed to be possible! And conveniently, no one ever has to dig into that because Orihime does less on-screen exploration of her abilities and more just... Yaknow. Standard heal-y forcefield-y stuff. Occasionally, resurrect-y stuff. Which is fine I guess because it serves the story’s focus, but for a person who is name twinsies with [VEGA]:
> Vega has been extensively studied by astronomers, leading it to be termed "arguably the next most important star in the sky after the Sun"
HMMMMMMM. The sun, you say? The sun, which serves an important symbolic role in Bleach, The Sun, and The Moon, and -The next most important STAR in the sky- HUH?? HUH???? YOU’RE TELLING ME THESE CELESTIAL SYMBOLS CAN TRIO? IN THIS ECONOMY?
and the mythological figure of “the daughter of the king of heaven”
Orihime (織姫, "Weaving Princess"), daughter of the Tentei (天帝, "Sky King", or the universe itself) [ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanabata]
🤔🤔🤔🤔
I JUST FEEL LIKE THIS MERITS. YOU KNOW. SOME EXPLORATION. BECAUSE THAT’S NOT NORMAL. THAT KIND OF THEMATIC WEIGHT ISN’T NORMAL TO JUST DROP ON A CHARACTER THAT ISN’T GOING TO EXAMINE THE GUN CHEKOV GAVE THEM. AND IT’S JUST A LITANY OF “HUH. SOMETHIN AIN’T RIGHT WITH THAT GIRL.” AND THEN THE SERIES ENDS??? WHAT’S UP WITH THAT
they’re deeper than they seem:
Okay look this is a pet headcanon of mine, but I think Orihime isn’t actually a Fullbringer in the normal sense. Rather, I think she classes closer to Ywhach, Gerard Valkyrie, Ukitake, and Aura as in “bearer of [a] legacy of the Soul King.” As in a significant chunk to full-organ, or some kind of convoluted lineage/heir thing. It’s the only thing I can think of that makes Her THING make sense to me, unless her personality, her attachments, and the influence of Whatever Hollow Nyoomed by her in utero just... lined up perfectly to create a cosmic loophole big enough to string the Milky Way through. Which would also be cool! I love dark horses yanking the rug out from underneath “places where the cool powers are SUPPOSED to come from.” And we see that Nel, the Hollow most closely associated with Orihime, has healing powers via her ... uh. vomit, so it’s not as if there isn’t precedent for a healing-ish factor to come out of Hollow power, but STILL.
(I’m also not touching the whole ‘The Hyogoku and/or Ichigo gave them powers part of canon. I recognize it. I also think it’s intentional obfuscation of where her powers ACTUALLY come from because Bleach isn’t afraid to give characters conflicting sources of information.)
And also, Uh. I feel like this bingo square may have been referring to personality, perhaps, in which case I suppose I could have been talking about Orihime’s rampant trust issues. She feels so intensely the weight of mutual burden that the moments where she’s open about her problems are vanishingly rare, and then covered up by jokes, minimized. Sometimes- sometimes often- she performs cheerfulness like a thank-you card in exchange for that burden of care. (It’s expected. It’s all she can do. Isn’t it?) IIiii COULD talk about guilt, and envy simmering below the surface, or an aversion to conflict that is 75% moral pacifism, 25% fear (sometimes. percentages are as wiggly as hearts.). And all of that being under the hood of someone who looks like she’s daydreaming mid conversation, when she’s actually clocking 95mph on the Advanced Interpersonal Risk Calculus Highway.
Or I could keep yelling about cool powers, because I think I’ve said this all before?
Unfortunately, Orihime’s proximity to Ichigo’s sun (especially in a romantic context) means that her fine details are sometimes blown out or overlooked in favor of making sure everyone knows that here’s a SEXY FEMALE TITS BIG ONES (urahara), but she’s also classical, she’s a moral center, she’s so powerful and tragic and accepts so much sacrifice so gracefully as is her duty and speaking of duty she gets married right out of highschool and has a kid almost immediately ayoo--
And yk. Some of those things are endemic to shounen manga, or are just kind of common in portrayals of Women Who Elevate Those Around Them (much like Masaki, or Kanae). It’s not like those things are inherently bad. But I don’t have to like them either. Weird Girls becoming Mature Women(tm) is something that will never interest me and actively repels me on most days because of the rote, tired way I’ve seen it written. I like messy women and disaster people and complicated, unusual lives. You can be happy without even the semblance of Destined Nuclear Family normalcy and frankly, I’m less interested in Punks And Weirdos becoming well-adjusted and accepted than I am in Punks and Weirdos clawing out a space for themselves and everyone being very uncomfortable but unable to coerce them otherwise. (This is a power fantasy.)
So while I’m (shrugs) on Orihime’s fairytale ending in canon, it’s not my bag, it gives me the heeby jeebies, and I don’t really want to work within the framework of that ending for my fan stuff!
I like them enough to project my own issues onto them:
Ah, to fear and envy those who can excel in the system designed around you all as if it’s as natural to them as breathing. Ahhh, to feel like the one bright blue piece in the milk puzzle. (Also, if anyone was going to get some of that good ol’ fashioned MORAL SCRUPULOSITY PANIC, it’s going to be Orihime. It has to be her.)
they got done DIRTY by fans:
Must I recite the old magic once again? The ancient curses? The shipping wars of yore? Those ancient battlegrounds of “girl-ed power” and “to be feminine is to err?” Nay, I wish it not upon anyone. The only dirt upon Orihime’s name was that of conflict between humans, for how could anyone say that another person’s work made in joy was wrong? I refuse to deride the work of my fellow fans... u_u ✨ ✨
(Which is to say in normal talk, what I hate most about Orihime Fan Zones isn’t any of the art or fic or headcanons people have of her! How could I possibly hate that? It’s just how much damn controversy she stirred up by existing in perceived conflict to Rukia. Waugh!)
i’m mentally ill about them:
And I’m not even done yet!! If you’re still reading this, brava!
they work better as part of a dynamic:
This is a funny one. Orihime is actually one of a few characters that I think would stand perfectly well on her own- she’s not a bit character, she doesn’t really rely on any gimmicks for her place in the story- her personality is well-faceted and we’ve seen plenty of her internal workings. But the thing is, Orihime’s weirdness is more vibrant when she has someone next to her who has a more rigid sense of propriety. The same is true in the opposite scenario, in which, instead of a straight man to her comedy routine, she has a co conspirator to hype up her shenanigans.
they’ve never done anything wrong in their life <33:
This is derogatory.
I want to see Orihime fuck up, BAD. The bad things around her happen TO her, pretty much universally. Even her social flaws are both relatable and normal and don’t really cause any conflict that isn’t internal and localized to herself. If someone rallies her or rags ON her in a way she can’t relate to, she flinches or stonewalls. She’s harmless. I would like to see her bite. Or . Step on a bug. Or snap at someone. I’d like to see that fear response cause something to break, irreparably. SOMETHING. PLEASE!!! PLEASE.... But no one really blames her for anything, even avoidance. No one really beefs with her on anything besides propriety, that I remember. Her fighting is a silent resistance. Unfortunately I think this response puts me on a psychic wavelength with Ulquiorra, and now I’m going to go wander the desert about this while I try to recover. (Wait, was that slap she gave him the only time we see her snap?)
Which is mostly just to say, she’s a perfectly nice normal girl, and she’s lovely, but anything I write with her is probably going to explore the consequences of severe avoidance and silence, rather than the virtues of them. Because in a story about ghosts and supernatural powers, I don’t really need my gals to be blameless, and I like to think about how people deal with guilt when it’s actually warranted, rather than self inflicted. Ideally, I’d also like it to be more severe than a slap, but you know.
And that’s a bingo!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming to my mental illness ted talk about my 1# ANGEL ORIHIME INOUE, MS. STAR ABOVE THE WELL OF TRUTH, BEST GIRL 10,000 HOURS PLAYED!
Please remember that I treat all my favorite characters like chew toys, I enjoy shredding them, and don’t forget to grab your belongings on the way out! Thank you again for the nice comment and bout of motivation anon~
#The final word count on this is close to 2000#EEP...#character opinion bingo#bleach#long post#orihime inoue#Renji is just going to have to get his own post if I do one for him at all#im so sorry but also i'm not and also i'm SO flattered if you read this whole damn thing#woo!#bleach red au#im tagging it under the au because of reasons (i will not elaborate)
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Chapter 20
Warnings: None. However, future chapters will contain sexual content so readers that are under the age of 18 may have to skip those chapters (However they are very few so those under the age of 18 can still read a majority of this book. However please keep note of the warnings).
Copyright: I do not own any Wizarding World characters that J.K. Rowling wrote. I do however own Elizabeth Kane (main character) and Trang Nyguen (best friend). There should be no use of these two names without my permission. I also do not condone any copying of this.
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𝕯𝖆𝖉 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖜𝖊𝖉 𝖚𝖕 a day before Christmas Eve. I was already out of bed and helping Sirius decorate the house. I was in the piano room by myself, playing softly when he knocked on the door. I thought it was strange because I'd left the door open and then I looked over, hopped up, and practically tackled him.
He stumbled, catching me and hugging me back. "Hey." He said softly.
"I've missed you so much!" I exclaimed, pressing my face into his chest. His arms were tight around me.
"I've missed you too sweetheart." Dad said gently. "How are you feeling? Sirius said you were sick?"
"Oh, yeah" I said, turning back to the piano. "Severus said that it was just a cold. It felt horrible though."
"Severus?" Dad asked in a strange voice and I froze.
"I mean Professor Snape." I said weakly, closing the piano lid.
"You're seeing him, aren't you?" Dad asked in a strangled voice.
"I don't. . . dad this isn't something I want to talk about right away. . ." I said, turning around and pleading with my eyes.
Dad's hand was clenched tightly in his pocket over his wand. I walked over and gently pried his fingers from his wand and smiled gently. "Yes, we're together." I said softly. "But we aren't doing anything that you would disprove of."
"Except being with him in the first place. He's to old for you." Dad said adamantly, squeezing my hand.
"Dad. . . I don't interfere with visions. I'm supposed to be with him and even though you don't like that- and you have every right not to as a dad- I do love him. I love you and he puts up with that little fact." I laughed a little. "Because he has to. I suppose if you're really mad at me you could disown me."
Dad inhaled tightly and blew out air, "Fine, but I really, really hate it."
"That's okay." I said, kissing his cheek and then laying my head on his shoulder. "I've really missed you."
"Yes." Dad said, sounding amused, "You've said." He kissed my temple and said, "I'm going to go get some shut eye. I'll see you in a couple of hours."
"Sure." I said, a bit disappointed and I bit my lip.
He observed my face and said, "Oh what the heck, I'll stay up."
"No!" I said a wave of guilt washing over me. I pushed him towards his room. "Go get some sleep or you'll be the next one who's sick."
He chuckled and pulled me into a hug. "Oh I really have missed you Elizabeth."
I hugged him back tightly, a feeling of panic coming over me again about that death thing. My heart thudded in my chest and it was hard to let go and put on a smile. I did it anyways, I didn't want him to be worried.
"What happened to your hand?" He asked, pointing at my bandaged hand after I'd let go.
"Oh." I said, jerking it automatically and then letting it hang by my side, "It's just a little cut up, that's all."
"You should change the bandages." He said frowning. "I can do it for you if you want."
"It's okay dad. Go get some sleep, I can do it." I smiled and kissed his cheek again and then reluctantly went back down the stairs.
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𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖒𝖆𝖘 𝕰𝖛𝖊 𝖈𝖆𝖒𝖊 and there were quite a few people there. Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Tonks, Dad, Sirius, and all the Weasleys except for Mr. Weasley. It was like the party before I'd seen Sturgis. I had taken the bandage off my hand and was keeping my hand palm up whenever dad came over so he didn't see the back of my hand.
Sirius pulled me aside and said, "You're going to have to tell him, you can't avoid it forever."
"I will." I muttered, "but not now, it's Christmas Eve. I don't want him upset tonight."
"When are you going to tell him you're an Animagus?" He hissed.
"When no one from Hogwarts is in the room." I hissed back. "Just because Harry's not possessed doesn't mean that Voldemort doesn't have access to Harry's memories."
"Hello Elizabeth." Kingsley said in his deep voice. "How has Hogwarts been?"
"Horrible." I said, flashing him a smile. Fred, George, Ron, Harry, and Ginny all laughed but Hermione pursed her lips.
"It really has been terrible." Hermione said. "Of course, it's been worst for Harry and Elizabeth but still."
"Why would that be?" Kingsley asked, frowning.
"That horrible Umbridge woman." I said vehemently and though dad's back was turned to me, I could tell that he was listening.
Fred laughed. "She'll put Elizabeth in detention for just breathing."
"Pretty much." I said, laughing too.
"It's not funny!" Hermione said sharply. "She's really horrible. She tried to take Elizabeth's Quidditch Captain badge away from her and her prefect badge from her just because she's-"
"Shut up." I said sharply.
There was a sudden, ringing silence in the kitchen. Hermione's face was pink.
Dad turned slowly and said to Hermione, "Because she's?"
Hermione looked nervously between dad and me. "Um. . ."
"What's that on your hand Elizabeth?" Uncle Moody asked, his magical eye zooming in on it. I flipped my hand over.
"Just something from detention. . ." I muttered. Well, tonight certainly wasn't going the way that I had expected it. Sirius was leaning against the kitchen sink, his face in his hand.
Dad's eyes were looking at me hand and then he grabbed my wrist and flipped my hand over. I tried to jerk it out of his grasp but he just held tighter and read the words, his face grew steadier pink until it was red and he dropped my hand and then said. "Because she's my daughter."
"Dad. . ." I whispered, my heart plummeting. He turned sharply and left the kitchen. Kingsley, Tonks, Bill, and Mad-Eye were looking back and forth, looking extremely confused. I sighed and held my hand up for them to read. "When Umbridge puts you in detention, she makes you write lines with a cursed quill. Harry's got scars on the back of his hand too."
Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Bill, and Tonks looked over at Harry who lifted his hand. The words 'I must not tell lies' burned back at them.
"But. . ." Tonks said hesitantly. "Harry's is no where as bad as yours is."
"Yeah, well, I've been in more detentions." I said with a bitter laugh.
Mrs. Weasley was hovering near the stove.
"Elizabeth, I'm so sorry." Hermione said, tears in her eyes. "I thought he already knew. . ."
"Of course I didn't tell him!" I exclaimed, furious with her. "He was always going to blame himself! I knew that! We're too much alike me and him. . ." Tears were building up in my eyes and I turned away from all of them. "I need to go talk to him."
Kingsley put a hand on my arm and said, "Let me."
He left the room.
"Bed." Mrs. Weasley said softly. Fred, George, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione all left the kitchen. I heard them walking quietly up the stairs.
I stayed in the kitchen, my face in my hands. I should've kept my hand bandaged. Why was I making so many horrible decisions?
Sirius put an arm around my shoulder. "It's alright."
Dad and Kingsley came back into the kitchen ten minutes later and I looked up. "Elizabeth, don't cry." Dad said, coming over and hugging me.
"Erm, dad, you should sit down because I have another er- secret to er- show you." I said, blushing. Tonks and Mad-Eye who had been talking in the corner looked over. Dad sat down heavily in a chair, looking apprehensive.
I glanced over at Sirius and he nodded encouragingly, smiling. I closed my eyes and then opened them and I was much shorter, so I assumed I was a cat.
"You know." I heard Sirius voice above me. "I always preferred dogs."
I hissed at him and jumped up on the counter. Dad's face was a bit of shock and when he finally spoke he said, "I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, your one of the smartest and most rebellious students there."
"Meow!" I said proudly.
Kingsley chuckled. "I always liked cats." I jumped on his bald head and wrapped my tail around his head. Tonks spit out her butterbeer and started laughing hysterically. Sirius was howling with laughter. Mad-Eye was smiling and Kingsley had that low chuckle. Bill had snorted Butterbeer out of his nose and was now coughing.
"Good look for you Kingsley." Mad-Eye grunted. He rarely ever smiled so I thought this was a bit of an accomplishment.
Dad, I was glad to see, was smiling now, though he looked stressed. I leapt from Kinsley's head onto his lap. I walked in a circle twice before settling comfortably down on his lap. I felt his hand running over my head and back and I purred in content.
I saw Tonks pulling Uncle Moody, Bill, and Kingsley out of the kitchen. Sirius didn't exactly leave the kitchen, but he'd busied himself by the stove like he wasn't paying attention.
"I'm so sorry Elizabeth." Dad whispered. I turned back into a human so that I was sitting on his lap.
"It's not your fault dad." I whispered. "I'm the one who told her to shut up. I'm the one who told her that the other teachers are better than her. I'm the one who kept being disrespectful to her. I'm the one who keeps causing trouble even though I know what my punishment is. I don't care what she makes me write on my hand, I love you. I'm always going to defend you, I don't care who I attack back. You're my dad."
"Elizabeth." Dad said softly. "Has she really tried taking your Quidditch Badge away from you?"
"She said that half-breed brats didn't deserve to be in positions of authority so she wouldn't remake the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. So I tried to give Professor Sprout my badge and she wouldn't take it. Dumbledore intervened. But she's tried taking it a number of other times but hasn't been able to. But if anything, it just makes her angrier that I still have my badge. She'll give me a detention for literally anything."
"It's still my fault." Dad said.
"Fine." I said, a bit angry. "Your fault, happy?"
Dad's lips twitched into a smile. "Not really."
I sighed, pressing my forehead to his forehead. "Dad please, don't be sad. Please? Or feel guilty? It really isn't your fault."
He picked up my hand. "She had you write As a Werewolf brat, I should learn to keep my mouth shut Elizabeth. Even if you'd gotten detentions, if you had a different father, different parents, she wouldn't have made you write that."
"It doesn't matter!" I exclaimed, frustrated and angry. "I'm a werewolf brat! And guess what dad? I'm proud of being a werewolf brat! I'm proud to be your daughter! I'm happy to be your daughter! I don't want a different father. I just want you. And I need you too." I said, much softer than before.
Dad and I hugged for a really long time without speaking. But it was comfortable, I didn't feel that I needed to talk. I loved him and he loved me and if the entire world was against us- well then we were going to fight it- together.
Sometime around midnight, we got up. Sirius had long since gone to bed. We walked past the front door when it opened and Severus stepped inside. Dad stiffened, clenching his fists at his sides.
"Dad. . ." I whispered, taking one of his hands and prying his fingers apart.
"I was wondering if I could er- speak to you, Remus." Severus said with a bit of difficulty.
"Certainly Severus." Remus said with a bite of coldness. Severus looked at me and I rolled my eyes. "Elizabeth, bed."
"Er- actually, it pertains to her." Severus said.
Dad's lips tightened but he didn't say anything and led me and Severus into the kitchen. "What's wrong with him." He muttered in the lowest whisper.
"My hand, and er- I told him about us earlier." I barely breathed under my breath.
Severus' muscles tightened in his cheeks.
"Well?" Dad asked and I wondered if he would've acted this way for any person of the male gender in love with me or if it was just because it was Severus.
"I wanted to ask your permission to marry Elizabeth." Severus said in a quick voice, not taking his eyes off of dads.
I opened my mouth in surprise, just a small little o. I was in shock. I mean, I'd foreseen us getting married, but so soon?
Dad's face turned from pink to red to purple back to pink and then colorless. His eyes jumped to me and saw that I was genuinely surprised. "Don't you- don't you think it's a bit soon?" He asked in a hoarse, strained voice.
"No." Severus said with finality. "I've never loved anyone this way before. Obviously, we won't actually marry until she turns of age, but-" he pulled a small box out of his pocket, "I want to start making things final."
Dad looked like he wanted to collapse into a chair but remained standing. He looked at me. I wasn't sure if I was scared or happy.
"I suppose you'll marry her anyways whether I give you permission or not?" He said, locking his jaw.
"Well." Severus said with a small smile. "I'd hate to do that. I'd much rather have your blessing because Elizabeth's so special, that's what she deserves. I don't want her to feel she has to forsake her father for me."
Dad looked genuinely stunned by the way Severus was speaking. I supposed because he'd known him in school. Oh Merlin, I thought weirdly. Dad is going to be Severus father-in-law. I nearly giggled aloud.
"Then. . ." Dad seemed to be having difficulty getting the words out of his mouth, turning purple again. "I suppose you er. . . have my blessing."
I found that I had been holding my breath and I let it out, relieved. Severus didn't waste any time. In a split-second, he was on his knee with the box open and was saying, "Elizabeth, will you marry me?"
My brain wasn't working. Was this really Severus Snape on one knee in this kitchen? This was not the Severus Snape that everyone else knew. No one but myself, Dumbledore, and dad would ever know this side to him. My throat didn't seem to be working either and I thought about just nodding, but felt it would be more official if I said something so I managed to say, "Yes."
I thought that was the end of it, but he was placing the ring on my left hand, and then he stood up and kissed me right in front of dad, and on instinct, I closed my eyes and kissed him back. Luckily, he did pull back quickly because I thought dad might have a seizure.
Then he turned back to Dad and said with complete sincerity, "Thank you Remus. See you later love." He touched my cheek and then turned from the kitchen and walked out. I heard the front door click and I collapsed in a chair, looking down at the ring.
It had a neat, thin, golden band with a small, singular diamond on top. It was exactly the type of diamond ring that I thought about whenever I thought about getting married. Dad had collapsed into a chair too, staring at the ring like it was a death omen.
"I can't believe that just happened." Dad said in a shaky voice.
My throat was still tight. "Me. . . me either. . ." My eyes were still on the ring and then I burst into laughter. I was so relieved that tonight had gone so well despite the earlier problems. Dad looked at me incredulously.
I sighed, wiping tears away. "Oh man. It's just. . . after everything that's happened tonight I was worried if you'd even talk to me and yet you just let Severus marry me. Or let me become engaged with him, whichever."
"You were afraid I wouldn't speak to you because of that stupid fucking bitch- Er sorry, I usually lose my temper when I talk about her. I just meant that sorry excuse of a woman was torturing you?" Dad asked incredulously.
I laughed again. "You can call her whatever you want. I'll most likely agree with you. Umbitch, that's what we call her at school- behind her back of course. But yeah, I was a bit afraid you'd be mad at me for some reason. Or guilty enough that you'd think the solution was removing yourself from my life and. . . and I wouldn't be able to live with that dad." I said softly. "I'm so worried about you all the time especially since we can't write to each other and if I lost you. . . I don't know. . ." Dad was out of his chair by the time the tears were spilling over and scooped me up into his arms like I was a baby.
We sat down on the kitchen floor and I poured out all my fears to him. That horrible feeling in the bedroom that I was going to lose everyone, my hatred for Umbridge that there were days I wanted to curse her to oblivion, everything.
"I just. . . I think I'm going to lose everyone." I finished, wiping away tears with a trembling hand. "And I can't. . . I'm not strong enough."
Dad's hands were on either side of my face. "You're not going to lose all of us Elizabeth. Maybe one or two, I can't deny that. There are going to be people that die- I can't argue that. But all of us? Me and Uncle Moody and Sirius and Fred and Severus? No one's that unlucky." He chuckled, brushing another tear away.
I nodded, hoping that he was right. Of course he was right. Fred definitely wasn't going to die- how could he? And Uncle Moody had been around for years! "Right." I murmured. "I know that, I just. . ."
"I understand, you know." Dad said gently. "I get the feeling. And Elizabeth. . . if you did lose all of us. . . I know for a fact that you are strong enough to continue, and I want you to remember that. . . alright?"
I nodded again. Dad kissed my forehead and said, "Well, it's been an exciting day. I think we should go to bed."
I looked over at the clock. It was twelve twenty. "Merry Christmas dad."
"Merry Christmas sweetheart."
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#Braveclementineworks#BraveclementineNovels#Novel#ElizabethKane#ElizabethKaneseries#ElizabethKaneandtheOrderofthePhoenix#Hogwarts#Grimmauld place#Sirius Black#Remus Lupin#Kingsley Shacklebolt#Christmas#Harry Potter#Harry Potter sister#Harry Potter sister fanfic#Hermione Granger#Severus Snape#Severus Snape x OC#Severus Snape x Elizabeth Kane#Remus Lupin daughter#Merry Christmas!#Grimmauld Place#Order of the Phoenix#Weasley Family#Voldemort#Nagini#Ministry of Magic#Department of Mysteries#Kreacher
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Why do I do this to myself?
Sup everyone. Surprised to see me? Yeah I'm surprised to be posting. But as my head get slowly closer to exploding despite me doing everything that normally helps with my headaches? I thought I'd share a Miraculous hot take that I came up with a while ago but never actually shared. Warning. Spoilers and slight salt ahead.
Okay, so while I was trying to take a nap to hopefully rid myself of this headache, my mind went back over opinions I have come across on Tumblr and other sites as a sort of "yeah right, I'm not letting you sleep, have some month old anger instead". Specifically around Zoe Lee and how she's a Mary Sue.
Now. Three things piss me off about the term Mary Sue just on its own. Number one, it's more than likely being used incorrectly. Number two, it forever ruins a great sounding name (Mary Sue just sounds sweet to me and I would use for the kind neighbour next door if it wasn't for this) and three? Is used as an insult despite being EXACTLY WHAT SUPERMAN IS AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL WITH A GODDAMN NUKE SO COME AT ME!
pants Sorry. That always gets to me. Anyway, the term as it's applied to Zoe? Falls firmly in the first scenario. See, people call her a Mary Sue when in reality what they mean is "bland nice girl" so kind of like Mylene until Horrificator or Rose until Princess Fragrance where we actually saw more of their personality. I'd go further into what I mean but that's not the point of this.
No, the point is all the people who say Zoe has no reason to exist and to them I say. "She's a fictional character her reason is because the writers say so." But... I also agree. This is where the salt comes in because, had Miraculous not been stubbornly controlled by a bullying manchild incapable of receiving criticism, who also hates a teenage girl he made up to an extent that it's disturbing? Zoe wouldn't exist.
Now people have said that she was just a replacement for Chloe. And again I agree but not for the reasons they believe. Zoe is what Chloe should have become had Mr "nobody appreciates me so I'll put myself in the show telling them why they are idiots" actually followed through on the redemption arc. Yes I'm insulting him more than I have ever even mentioned him before. Why? Because I recently saw his tweets where he said Chloe wasn't abused because she has a father throwing money at her despite her mother rejecting her existence. Fuck. Him. Not to mention the ones where he basically calls us idiots for thinking Chloe was getting redeemed in the first place.
Anyway I'm getting off topic. What do I mean when I say Zoe is basically a redeemed Chloe? Well our first introduction to her in Sole Crusher shows she's capable of being a copy of Chloe, something she does because she just wants to feel loved by her family. We know from the whole Queen wasp thing that Chloe doubts her mother's love for her (something that is never mentioned again despite Audrey's opinion on Chloe never really seeming to change. Unless you want to count keeping her like some kind of mini me which is... Arguably worse and reminds me of how Chloe treats Sabrina) and it was believed by the fandom that Chloe acted the way she did because she wanted her mother to love her and be proud of her. But nope. She's just irredeemably evil. Despite being a 15 year old girl who still cuddles her bear and sucks her thumb for comfort when she's upset. Totally evil.
Grr... next. Point. Before I devolve into pointing out all the times Thomas Asshole showed he knew jackshit about characterisation.
Anyway. After Zoe realises that she'll never get her family's love in a way she's satisfied with she turns to her newfound friends for comfort cutting all attempts to please her mother. Something we expected Chloe to do. Then comes Queen Banana. Not only is Zoe given the bee miraculous (which I don't understand why people were surprised at, who else was gonna get it? Aurora? Marinette doesn't go far to pick new members. And if you say, "well they could always just fuse" you clearly don't understand the benefit to having another person for the Akuma to focus on.) But the way she got Chloe to keep the charm showed that she's capable of manipulating people. A skill we all thought Chloe would put be able to put to better use should she be redeemed. See Matt's Honey and Vinegar comic for a brilliant example of this.
Then we get to the major point in my mind. Something everyone (may be an exaggeration) had pegged for Zoe since she was introduced and that most theorised for Chloe as a potential explanation for some of her actions. Having feelings for Marinette. Now when this was confirmed it wasn't a surprise to me. It was so far from a surprise I was actually slightly disgusted that they chose Zoe to be the blatant one and not confirm Rose and Juleka or even Marc and Nathaniel. You can say it's obvious from how Rose and Juleka interact but Alya and Marinette act the same at times and they haven't known each other nearly as long. Or as intimately since Juleka kept Rose's illness a secret for who knows how long and that tore her to pieces every time it happened. I'm a dude. I'm so conditioned to see Yuri in female friendships that I've reconditioned myself to go the opposite way and assume it's just me being perverted. Do I believe Juleka and Rose are a couple? Yes. Will I call it canon? Not until I see a kiss, because they've definitely already confessed by now if it's true. Do I care if the writers confirmed it? No. Because JK Rowling said Dumbledore was gay and Hermione could be black. Only one of those is possible given what she's written, the other is clearly just an attempt to please this new era obsessed with inclusion at the expense of preestablished facts.
Dammit I got off topic again. Anyway, Chloe has been in the same class as Marinette for the past four years, something I remember joking about a while back calling Chloe out for being a stalker. But with her dad being Mayor, her fully using that to get what she wants even in school, and her focus on making Marinette miserable to such an extent that it's almost like Mari is the only target Chloe actually cares about hurting? Well I've seen enough "bully because I like you", "lash out because I'm confused" and "overcompensate because it's not normal/ my parents would disown me if they knew" tropes to suspect that they're might be a deeper meaning to why she does it.
Or at least that's what I would think. You know. If she wasn't completely and utterly evil. Between all the play heroes, tickle fights with Sabrina until they fall asleep, and being the sole person to throw off an Akuma before it takes hold because of their firm belief they are a hero. I mean how can you not see how evil and irredeemable she is when she has all that on her resumè?
sighs To finish up I want to make one thing clear. I like Zoe. In better hands I'm sure I'd have loved her even more but, even if she's just the replacement we were given so we'd shut up about Chloe, the fact is she's a good friend to Marinette (her lack of presence and late introduction means she hasn't done anything to annoy me like the others have), her design is amazing (reminds me of Equestria Girls Sunset Shimmer actually) and is basically the only one Chloe can't touch. The potential she brings to fanworks is absolutely staggering but in the show as it is? She's another pillar of support for Marinette. With the crap that girls gone through? That's more than enough for me.
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Hey Kat, firstly I'd like to let you know I'm wishing all the best for you, and I'm always glad to see your posts on the dash. Secondly, I'd appreciate a chance to get something off my chest, because I feel like an asshole but I also don't.
So, ten years ago I hit it off with someone online - like, best friends within a couple weeks. Two years later, despite the distance (they live in another country), we decided to consider ourselves partners, because the distance actually appealed to us (at that point we were both antisocial & averse to physical contact, so eliminating presumed obligations towards touch that came with dating was a relief).
It was literally a few hours later that I started second guessing my response of 'yes' to them asking me to be their partner, but I pushed the apprehension down, chalking it up to being nervous as it was my first relationship (I was 17 at the time).
But that gut feeling that I should have said 'no' never went away.
Over time it got worse - there came a point where I decided I *did* want physical contact and affection, and I made sure to tell them that. They gave me approval to take a chance if one arose, but that's because I assured them that my emotional affection was all for them - and at the time, it sincerely was. I just wanted experiences that I couldn't get from them (I did visit three times, and we'd only ever held hands - which I'd always respected, and never would I dare ask for anything more than someone was willing to give).
i had a minor experience with someone else, immediately decided I didn't like it, and returned myself solely to the comfort of the distanced relationship I'd had for 7 years at this point.
But it was so unfulfilling. This person had BPD and appointed me 'their person'. I don't speak ill of mental illness, but what this did was put me in a position where any little thing I did dictated their mood to me that day. It was constant walking on eggshells. I had to carefully choose my words every time I spoke. I had to tend to their mental stability, while struggling through my own.
I overcame depression, thankfully, and I'm a much better person than I'd ever been, and I continue to grow - but they have been in the same rut for years, and gets volatile when I try to help them ; I don't make demands, I don't tell them what they have to do, but if I make suggestions towards improvement, they get snippy and cold to me. Some time later, we actually decided to refer to ourselves as 'queer platonic' partners, but I still felt this weird obligation I was expected to meet that went deeper.
Cut to last June. I was feeling exceptionally lonely, so I signed up for an app that would help me find local friends/partners. I was intending only for friends, because my circle has two people in it. I ended up meeting this guy who asked me on a date.
Kat, I fell in utter love with him.
I'm hopeless, he's like sunshine.
When I met him, I told my prior partner I was going on a date. A *date* . I told them when he asked if he could be my boyfriend, and I approved.
Around this time my work had picked up severely, and I told them so. We went from talking daily to under ten messages a day.
Two weeks ago, it was a message or four every other day, if even that. For the past week, I haven't sent anything, and my work has greatly slowed.
I ghosted, I guess. I used to think this person would be in my life forever, but I always knew a relationship would never last - we couldn't fulfill one another, not to mention neither of us were willing to move out of our countries. Additionally, we both outgrew the same interests we once shared and went in very different directions with our new fixations. As an aside, if ever I mentioned my boyfriend, who I am always keen to gush about, they would ignore it completely and change subjects. I tried to be respectful about that, but it stung that they didn't acknowledge my happiness.
I made a lot of promises that I feel bad I couldn't keep, but by god it felt like I was the only one trying. They'd give me apologies hours after snapping, but never change their behavior, and I would feel like shit again and again every time we spoke, because it would always turn into the same conversation.
I'm sad for them, for not knowing what I needed to do to help, or just not being strong enough, but. Like I said, I came a long way myself - I believe entirely that someone won't change until they decided they've had enough themselves, but I was really rooting for their recovery.
However I've moved on. I'm sitting with my boyfriend right now, overwrought with love for him. I dont think I intend to message this old friend, because I am in a good, safe, fulfilling place right now, and I want to progress towards further goodness with him.
I don't think you're in the wrong for letting go and moving on and I definitely don't think you're a bad person for doing so. But I have a desire to encourage you to say goodbye before cutting them off entirely. It doesn't have to be more than one short message. But I think it's a good and right thing to do after many years of being a primary person in someone's life
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I've been backreading your asks and responses WAY more than is healthy. 😅 But one story I'm curious about is: What was your coming out + transitioning like? (You don't have to answer if you don't want to.)
I put this off for a while for no real reason, but I don't mind.
The first person I came out to was an-ex girlfriend. It led to us breaking up so I un-came out for a while. Then we were friends again and she moved in with me and started going out again but she was supportive now. She lent me some old clothes, helped me get new ones, and was there supporting me when I had the talk with my mom.
My mom has been very supportive by and large. She always told me she wouldn't mind if I were gay-- and, well, I am. Just not in the way she expected. Still, the initial conversation was not graceful on her part. She fought it from the angle of being very convinced that because of being trans, I would be targeted and beaten to death. She grieved, but then she educated herself and did her best.
I left my existing job after coming out to my boss. The workplace had "this is a safe space" type signs plastered all over it in the first place so I wasn't really concerned about her reaction-- but she basically said "yeah no surprise there". Still, we agreed I should leave the job because it would be difficult to keep the respect of our clients (at risk inner city youth-- lots of rowdy teenagers who had never met a trans person, etc. the decision was ultimately mine)
I started going to school full time in my last year of university. I couldn't legally change my name, but all of my professors were supportive. I was already in the gender studies course so that was probably part of why, but also I was lucky to be born in a liberal city.
When I presented male, I isolated myself from my peers. I didn't really have anything in common with boys, but I was afraid to reach out to other girls in case I made them uncomfortable. Then, after I realized I was trans (but before I came out), I felt like there was no point in trying to make friends under an identity that was going to go away. So for the first three years of uni, I basically just didn't talk to anyone. It made it easier when I did eventually present female. I didn't make any lasting friends still, but I at least had conversations and it felt much better.
Next was therapy to get clearance for HRT. I was able to find one who specialized in gender issues, but I was very prepared for a drawn out slugfest where I was waiting forever to 'prove' that I needed help. Because I was already full time, it didn't take that long. The main thing my therapist wanted me to be sure to do was come out to my other family members. Of those, I was mainly worried about my dad and my grandma.
I met my dad in town for my birthday and told him over lunch. He ended the conversation asking if I wanted anything for a present. I told him the only present I wanted was for him to accept me.
That afternoon he went and bought me a 3DS instead.
...But after some time he eventually came around too.
My grandma was republican, conservative christian, would go on to vote for trump-- etc. I was quite sure she wouldn't be accepting, and I was ready to cut off my extended family entirely and never speak to them again.
She was offended that I thought she would place her ideals above her concern for me as her grandchild. She didn't entirely get it-- but she ultimately was supportive of LGBT folks, and she was supportive of me. She had a hard time adjusting to using the right pronouns and name, so she and I ended up having a running joke where if she messed up my name, she would be like "Oh, just call me Harold." It was awkward to have to remind Harold (tm) in public sometimes, but not for lack of her trying.
Honestly I don't remember when I came out online, but people had thought I was a girl for years beforehand and I'd used the name Amethyst since I was 14 or so, so it was probably pretty unremarkable.
Changing legal documents was tedious but happened. Jobs were scary but I had passing privilege even before HRT. HRT was slow but being on it, feeling like I was getting better rather than worse, was all I really needed. Time and estrogen heal all wounds.
I've been a little choppy with this so it isn't too long-winded, and yet it's still half an essay. But I hope something in my experience can help you, anon <3
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Here’s my story from wattpad hope you enjoy it 🩷
I've been reading a lot of Dolan twin stories and, since i'm a fan of the Vampire Diaries, you'll notice references to the show; that's why they may seem familiar
Hi my name is Emily Ruiz I live in New Jersey, I'm 18 years old and a senior in high school. As an only child, I often am home alone because my mom, a travel nurse, and my dad, a pilot, are frequently away for work.
A little about myself: I'm 5'4 with brown eyes, glasses, and brown, mid-to-long hair, plus a sprinkle of faint freckles on my face. My body is fair; I'm not too skinny but do have a little belly. I have fair skin and enjoy parties now and then, but i'm mostly a homebody and a total movie fanatic. I love all kinds of music— a good song is a good song to me. I sometimes wish i had a sibling but my best friends Rosa and Megan are like family. We've been inseparable since the 3rd grade.
They Meet
I can't believe it's finally my senior year! It's such a bittersweet feeling -- I'm totally ready to be done with school, but it also feels like just yesterday I was heading off to my first day of first grade. But anyway, I've been debating whether to dress cute or comfortable since, unfortunately, I still have to go to school. I've decided on a plain black semi-cropped shirt with some olive green cargo pants and my trusty black high-top converse. For makeup, I'm keeping it light, totally clean girl aesthetic of me, and I slicked my hair back into a bun. After texting Megan, one of my best friends, to let her know I'm ready, I head downstairs to the kitchen to grab a granola bar and one of those breakfast to go drinks. I hear a honk outside my house it must be Rosa and Megan, my two besties.
*skip car ride*
It's like scene from a movie we all stand together in front of the school. Rosa says, "Well, here we are again," and Megan adds, "Yeah, but this time we're seniors." I chime in, "And we're going to rule the school!" with a laugh. It's so cool that the three of us have four classes together. " Ms. Morgan must have learned from the past three years not to put us in all the same classes" I joke "Yeah given all the times we had to be separated but still kept talking to each other" Megan adds with a laugh. After we say our goodbyes, I head to my first class of the day. While studying my schedule, I accidentally bump into someone. " Oh I'm sor-" i cut off " No trust me it's my fault" he says with a gentle smile "Yeah I had some fault not looking up and all" I playfully say. The bell rings signaling it's time to get to class, " Well I better get going" the stranger says I nod and give him a little smile before I leave as I'm walking away I turn back around to see him still looking at me I face forward I begin to think, who was that?
I get to my first class, trying not to think about the guy I bumped into. I couldn't help but wonder why I've never seen him before. So, I decided to text the girls about it.
Me - Hey guys, you'd never believe what just happened
R🌹- What !?
M🩷- What!?
Me- I just ran into this really cute guy 🤭
M🩷- How cute😗?
Me- Okay, first dibs, and based on looks i'd give him a ... 8.5
R🌹- Em I know it's not any of my business but what about dean?
Dean. My ex boyfriend of two and a half years. We had a challenging relationship, and even though we broke up, we would still talk about getting back together. But this past summer, something changed, and i couldn't stay in that forever
Me- I don't know, I gave up on that. I still love him but i just can't do it anymore.
R🌹- You know i'm just looking out for you i just want you to be happy Em so tell us all about this 8.5 .. based off looks
Me- There's not much to tell. We bumped into each other in the hallway, said sorry and went out separate ways
M🩷 - Well if you see again and we're with you point him out
R🌹- yeah and if we're not try to sneak a picture 🤭
Lunch finally arrived, the girls texted me saying they're in the cafeteria. I texted back saying okay, but I had to use the bathroom. As I walked out of the bathroom, I hear a thud.. please don't tell me I accidentally hit someone with the door, I ran outside to see my victim. He groans while holding his head "Careful with that!" he says " I'm sorry, but what do you have against the door?" I ask as I try to hold in my laughter " Apparently my face" he laughs as I help him off the floor and then I realized it was the guy from earlier this morning "We have to stop meeting like this" I joked, he just looks at me weird " Damn how hard did I hit you?" I asked while touching his head "We met?" he asked confusingly " Yeah we bumped into each other earlier this morning" I say trying to jog his memory. " Hey are you sure you're okay?" I concernedly asked " Yeah I'm just gonna head to the nurse thanks tho" he says as he walks off rubbing his head. I see Rosa and Megan coming my way " Hey Em! Who was that?" Megan asked, I explained what happened and they just start laughing, " But I must've hit him pretty hard because he didn't remember us bumping into each other" I added " I'm not surprised you probably gave that poor guy a concussion" Rosa teased. I roll my eyes as we walk to the cafeteria as we're sitting at our table I can't seem to get this guy out of my mind, I felt bad I kept thinking how he must not like me because of how many times I already hit him and it's barely the first day. School finally ends and I still haven't seen him I genuinely wanted to apologize, the girls and I make our way back to my house we hang our for awhile until they both get called home. We say our goodbyes they leave and I close and lock the door, I head upstairs to my room take a quick shower put on a big t-shirt and shorts and put on a movie and caught myself falling asleep.
Authors Note : Did anyone catch the grease reference 😂 anyways this is kind of my first story hope you guys liked it lmk if y'all want more xoxo J🩷
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As far as sliding into dms goes, I only did it once and there was some evidence that the person liked me back. It was all subtext which is the only reason I can't say it with absolute confidence but it wasn't the typical come in out of the blue predatory kind of case. I did reach pretty far for some of the context I got but it was what he seemed to indicate through his retweets, which when explained to someone like Red who didn't see or experience it firsthand, it comes off as an extremely weak story. Which is exactly what Ron wanted and probably why our communication was so obscure.
I had to do a lot of guesswork throughout the entire experience, I had to be very careful that the conclusions I came to were accurate and not entirely self-serving. But inevitably things were so vague and so difficult to make heads or tales of that I kept having to second guess myself. And sometimes I'd think I was right. Sometimes I'd think I was wrong, and one of the major goals whenever I directly interacted was to mark an end to that and have everything cleared up. I would have been much more comfortable and secure about what I was feeling if I could get a clear answer to whether or not they actually had feelings for me too or if I was chasing my own imagination, which from Ron's standpoint, being already in a relationship and also not wanting to incite drama as a result of his crush was more than happy to keep vague.
I was driven by depression, loneliness, fear, shame that I liked someone other than Red, fear that I really would lose everything including Red if I continued down the road being laid out for me, and the inability to quickly get over the feelings I just started developing enough to stop wanting to come back and make my feelings not go to waste. My feelings created an invisible shackle to him, the things I shared reinforced it further and I just wanted to keep telling him everything about me. I didn't want to leave even if drama wise it would have been for the best.
And the biggest motivator is that in my mind I didn't have anywhere to go. I was burning bridges with my pack mates, and they were all I had as far as people I could hang out with. This was a chance for me to have a new set of friends to be introduced to and be a part of. Since everything is cheaper than living in California anyway and there was no sentimental reason to stay in Utah, it seemed like a real possibility we could even meet up at some point. I saw the rough beginnings of a potential future for me where I could be happy. And I wanted to make that possibility a reality. But I kept failing and every time I thought Ron was inviting me to make things up with him and finally move past this, the door would slam in my face again and I couldn't figure out why.
I acted way too emotional and I was like a ticking bomb that would keep going off to vent again and again and again so I'm sure there were plenty of legit reasons I was being shut out. But given there was strong evidence in my mind my feelings weren't just my own I kept going. I kept trying. I kept wishing the right words, the right approach would finally have us playing something and talking and that would somehow fix everything but it never happened. And that future forever remained beyond my reach. I didn't make getting rid of me easy either. Using the alts I made that I originally was going to use to split my main account but nobody was interested in following them. So they got repurposed. To be able to engage in this subtext without worrying about Red breathing down my neck the few times he actually did check Twitter. I evaded blocks, kept track of other people when I got blocked. And that was the one line I did cross. I felt I could get hints of what Ron was posting or retweeting through the likes and rts of other people. And somehow I could get hints of what Ron was thinking after we officially cut each other off. My blemish though is a natural result of my feelings and the circumstances in which they came about. And it doesn't justify being spied upon and harassed with imagery that was for the most part malicious and unkind. It doesn't even come close. And that's what really gets me the most. Who does that? Why is that your first resort before any kind of real communication? Subtext was the one weapon and shield you would not drop throughout our entire encounter, and I will never understand that. And beyond that even when I indicated that I would not be trying to interact with you anymore you gave the same hostile responses you did when I was trying to become friends with you. You left me without any choices that you would be happy with. You put me in this situation where no matter what I did it was wrong. And heck you did that the moment you addressed my romantic roleplay.
It's a skill of yours where no matter what someone does you'll find a reason to hate them. You'll find a reason to be mad at them. And when they're finally there ready to give you what you want you're done with them. Their ps4 is broken, you don't care. You only care about results and nothing else, and whatever hardship there is to get to it, is someone else's problem. Even hardships of your own making like shitty communication. And any time someone criticizes you for it suddenly everything you did is everything they did. You don't take accountability, you transfer it to someone else at every last opportunity even when it doesn't make any sense. You lie and lie so fluently, so easily that it is all you ever do. And yet I'm the one always posting about my own failures so readily and so easily and so quickly that I don't know how you find a way to attack me anyway. Self awareness was one thing I always put at the forefront in my vents but you don't even acknowledge it. Because the only thing you ever care about is yourself. You are a complete asshole. Everything you do is wrong and the only time you ever did anything right was when you were mindful of Red. You don't care how people feel, what they have to go through or understand to do what you want, the world revolves around you and that's that. Everyone has to read your mind or fuck right off. And when you're done with someone you'll spy on them because you're fucking nuts. You are truly special.
I can say with confidence that I've never met anyone like you. Your famous line "I don't know what to you want me to say." I would love to hear what few criticisms you have for me in response but I'm pretty sure I already got through all the things you could justifiably critique me for. So frankly I don't know what's left other than petty insults and meme trash in abundance. You want to know what I want, Choskey. Someone who actually is sweet without your harshness without your ambiguity without your hatred and anger and narcissistic tendencies that I can directly talk to whether or not Red is there and tell him I love him. Who loves everything about me, genuinely cares about me, how I feel, who always wants to spend time with me of his own volition. Where we can talk about anything and even our deepest secrets and not be scared how they'll respond. Because our relationship hinges on communication not difficulty. We love each other's company. We love spending time together doing literally anything or even nothing at all. And that could have been you if you weren't a total dick.
Everything I said was true including the way me and Red get along. We've been together for many years for a reason. He has his failings especially gaming wise which is how I typically spend time but he is the biggest thing I've achieved in my life. A long term mate. So I don't know what you have to say for that. What it says about me. But you're going to have a hard time saying I wasn't the right material. I am the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life, and I will do everything I can to make sure that is painfully clear.
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An update, of sorts (9/21/2023)
Hello everyone (or just me, haha!) - it's been over two years since I've updated this blog. There have been a lot of personal updates in my life, my own struggle with body acceptance, and health struggles, and I thought it would be interesting to share those in the context of this blog.
When I started this blog, I had recently moved out of my dad's house and on my own with my primary partner. I was also starting to get regular check-ups at the doctor for the first time in about...10-15 years? And part of my motivation for starting the blog - aside from wanting to physically be skinnier - was also that I was advised by my doctor because my cholesterol and heart rates were elevated above normal. I also had major issues with vitamin D deficiency (like, catastrophically low vitamin D deficiency!), some iron deficiency, and general sluggishness. I have a pretty strong family history of heart disease, so it was important for me to handle these issues.
Cut to - making this blog, and tracking my progress! I would bore everyone with what is already here, but - having been overweight for some time now - I kind of knew that trying to consciously lose weight wasn't going to work, and I thought I could do it ""healthfully"" with making small changes.
That didn't really work - at some point, I realized I'd just be counting calories forever. And I didn't have a great workout routine either; I think I wasn't exercising enough to get either the weight loss or general health benefits of it.
So, cut to 2021 - I decide to make a conscious for myself to stop prioritizing weight loss and just feel comfortable in my skin
This was...really difficult. Difficult in a way I didn't expect. I had an issue where I was trying to order a pair of pants online and I felt this weird paranoid sense of shame when I had to keep returning the pants to get a bigger size. I consciously recognized that the company had a really kind of stupid sizing structure for their clothes, but subconsciously it felt like shaming me for being plus sized.
There is something about trying to just develop a sense of comfort and body neutrality that seems threatening to people, too. Telling people you're not actively losing weight - especially when you're a small fat like me - feels like a sin of the highest order.
--
Now, this lasted for a few years. In that time, I had started therapy, and was trying in general to get out and get moving (on my therapist's requests). My doctors were still advising I lose weight, but when I would ask for more concrete suggestions or plans, they would just tell me the same general info. Fine, I guess, I'll just try and go to the gym a big and see how that goes.
I was beginning to have some issues with my blood pressure. So bad, that one visit to the OB/GYN for an annual pap smear lead to me having to sit there for almost 30 minutes over the time I was supposed to leave because my blood pressure was almost dangerously high.
Then, Autumn of 2022 - I kept getting sick with the flu, or COVID, or something, on and off for months. On the second trip to the urgent care to try and get some antibiotics, the attending physician - who also happened to be an ER doctor - took my vitals and saw my blood pressure was high, and gave me an EKG. Sure enough, she told me I was having a "minor cardiac event" but would be fine, but I needed to see a cardiologist.
After the cardiologist visit, a lipid panel, an echocardiogram, and a stress test, they concluded that my cholesterol and blood pressure were elevated, but not enough to be medicated, and I should try and lose weight, exercise more, and eat less fat and sodium.
This was really challenging for me, at first. I had a serious medical need to lose weight and have to constantly monitor my food intake, but that was a stress I thought I was able to leave long behind.
But I got started, and I started doing two things that I think have made the biggest impact on my vitals since - I started organizing my workouts based on time rather than how much I was doing, and spacing out fast food meals and other greasy/salty meals that I would want.
I used the US's recommendation for how much exercise an adult should get in per week - 150 minutes of moderate exercise. It was really hard at first, but honestly, it is so much easier than I expected. I tell myself that I need to find absolutely any physical activity to on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays that get me to the 150 minutes per week (50 minutes each of those days). I'll double the time I have doing light work (like cleaning) so that it comes out to a more moderate exercise, but most of the time I find myself doing long, intentional walks around the neighborhood or at the gym, messing with the settings on the treadmill there to increase resistance. Sometimes I'll even go do weight machines, and keep track of the time actually doing an exercise with a stopwatch so I'm not counting excessive time sitting around as "working out"
Spacing out the rate at which I eat greasy and salty foods has helped a lot too. I have also started trying to do that with sugary sodas, too. I tend to have less cravings in general and am able to go much longer in between without feeling ravenous for it. Occasionally I have more than I should, but then I'm excited to bounce right back into healthy eating.
After doing all of this - honestly - I did begin noticing physical changes. I just felt "better" - I didn't feel so sluggish, and a lot of random aches and pains I would get around my body finally started to go away completely. I notice they come back when I'm too sedentary or eating too much salty or greasy foods, but then it becomes a good motivating factor for finding healthy food and maybe getting up and taking care of some cleaning around the house and doing a few stretches. Feeling this good really makes a big difference on my mental health, too.
---
This is all to say, as recently as yesterday I discovered my LDL cholesterol is now only 4 points above normal (as opposed to like 40 points) and my blood pressure was at 116/70, at a normal range! My vitamin D is not dangerously deficient anymore, but I still need to take the supplements, and I am not longer deficient in iron.
And if you can believe it - on top of all of this - I have no lost any weight. In fact, I've gained about 5 lbs.
Knowing the years of hearing my doctors mention weight loss, I brought this up. I mentioned that I try and get 150 minutes of exercise in per week, and my doctor looked at me and said that my weight is stable, and that I shouldn't worry about separate weight loss right now because my body composition - as long as I continue this frequent exercise in the long term - will start to follow suit. I couldn't even believe it.
I wanted to end on this note, because I think it really proved for me that I can be healthy without having to starve myself, or feel like I needed to track everything I took into my body. It really can just be as easy as eating as healthfully as possible, have a treat when you need it, and keep yourself moving as much as possible, in any way that would be fun and fulfilling for you.
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worth the wait [two] // daisy johnson
summary: same as the first chapter – it was too long to post in one so this is the remainder of it!
part one | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad
"What do you think?"
I raised an eyebrow as I poked my head inside the van, glancing around at the cramped space that had stupidly been turned into a living space. There was also, weirdly enough, a computer in the corner which made absolutely no sense.
"I think I have no idea what I'm looking at," I admitted, before looking to an excited Skye beside me. "What is this?"
She bit her lip to contain her grin as she patted the van's door proudly. "This is my new rig."
I almost laughed. "You're kidding."
Her smile lessened. "I'm not."
Now I definitely laughed. "Skye, c'mon, be serious. Whose van is this?"
Her smile disappeared as she clenched her jaw with annoyance. "It's mine. Sorry it isn't fancy enough for you, your majesty."
When I realised she was serious, I lost my smile and looked between the van and her. "Skye, where the hell did you get a van? You can't even drive!"
Clearly holding in her anger, she began to push past me and slide the doors shut. "He said you wouldn't get it," she mumbled to herself, but I heard.
"He?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. "Who the hell is he?"
"Miles," she snapped, stopping moving and looking to me. "Miles is the one who got me the van. He said it was a bad idea to show you and clearly he was right, Y/N. You took one look at it and laughed. He was right."
I smiled tightly, trying not to get worked up at the mention of Skye's new friend. She'd befriended this 'Miles' guy within the past few months and wouldn't stop meeting with him and his friends. He was in the grade above us, but just like her, he'd skip class and do God knows what.
Ever since she'd been hanging around them, she'd been standoffish and distant. She wouldn't contact me as much when she ran away, and she'd been skipping school more often than usual. They were clearly a bad influence on her, but she reassured me she was in control of her own life and knew what she was doing. Being the idiot I am, I fell for her pretty smile and convincing eyes, but this was getting too far now.
"No offence, Skye, but I wouldn't start listening to a guy who can't even make it to class on time," I said to her with a hint of annoyance. "Why do you need a van anyway?"
"Why not?" she countered with her arms crossed. "I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally taking responsibility. Growing up."
My expression softened. "I've never once said that you had to do either of those things."
"You don't need to say it," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes with a frown. "I know you think it. Everyone does."
I stepped forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and finding her eyes with mine. "Where is this coming from? Skye, I have never thought that. All I've ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. I'm just worried."
She shrugged me off. "Well, now you don't need to be. I've got this."
"You're seventeen, you should be in school studying, not staying in a van," I said tiredly. "You've been missing so much. How are you gonna graduate?"
She avoided my eyes. "That's another thing... I've been thinking and, well, I don't think I want that."
I widened my eyes with disbelief. "What?"
Still avoiding my eyes, she continued, "I don't think I want to graduate."
I was too surprised to find words so quickly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"How can you not want to graduate?!" I asked suddenly, finding my words. "It's what you do! It's what we all do!"
She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "It's what you do, Y/N. I don't want to be at a place that makes me feel like shit. I can't keep pretending I fit in when I don't."
"This isn't you," I told her sternly. "We were supposed to graduate together. You're not stupid, Skye. I can help you study. You can't just give up."
"I'm not," she said with certainty. "I finally know what I'm doing. That's all."
I squeezed my fists together to contain my frustration. "And what's that?"
"The Rising Tide–"
"For fuck's sake!" I cut her off, before hitting the van door with frustration.
"Miles has taught me a lot!" she defended. "They do a lot of good, Y/N! I just want to be apart of something bigger. Something that can help me help others. And something that can help me find my family. My real family."
I clenched my jaw, knowing I was too late in convincing her otherwise. Whatever Miles and the others had told her about their stupid hacking group had worked – she was dropping out of high school and there was nothing I could do to stop her.
"You're gonna be going to university and we both know I can't afford it," she said gently. "We couldn't stay together forever, Y/N. And my foster family definitely don't care what happens to me. I don't fit in anywhere."
I looked to her with glassy eyes. "You fit in with me. You always have."
She pursed her lips as she stayed quiet.
"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough," I added bitterly.
"That's not it and you know it," she muttered, shaking her head. "I have to do this. I have to figure myself out. Alone."
I felt stupid for letting her do everything she did leading up to this point. If I had just tried a little harder, maybe things could have been different.
"You're not alone though, are you?" I asked rhetorically. "You've got your new pals at the Rising Tide. It's their damn fault you're doing all this."
"They're not as bad as you think!"
"You've changed because of them!" I argued back. "They created a barrier between you and I. It's because of them that you've... that you've..."
"What?" she snapped, glaring at me. "That I'm finally thinking for myself?!"
I swallowed the lump in my throat and straightened up. "Forget it, just– forget it. I've got a midterm to study for."
She snickered harshly. "Of course. Don't want me slowing you down."
I stayed quiet and turned around to leave. I couldn't see past my anger as I left her with her stupid van.
Of course, the two of us had been friends for a lot longer than that silly argument, so I was quick to realise how much I actually cared about her and her life, and wanted to apologise for how harsh and unsupportive I sounded.
The next day after school, I decided to head over to her foster family's place to hopefully talk to her. I'd had enough time to think about it and knew I was a lot more levelheaded now that I'd had some space.
I knocked on the front door and waited before an older blonde woman answered. I recognised her as Skye's foster mum, Sally.
"Hi, Mrs Collins," I greeted with a smile. "I'm looking for–”
"Mary doesn't live here anymore," Sally cut me off instantly, surprising me.
I had almost forgotten that Skye's foster family knew her as the name she was given by her orphanage – Mary Sue Poots.
"She doesn't?" I asked with confusion. "But I thought–"
"Goodbye, Miss Y/L/N," Sally interrupted, before slamming the door in my face.
I blinked with confusion before turning around and walking down the steps. It had been a while since I last visited Skye at home. In fact, she made sure I never visited her at home. I guess now I knew why. But then where the hell was she living?
As I walked around the neighbourhood trying to think about where Skye could be, I saw a familiar van parked up on the side of the street and put the pieces together.
Guiltily, I approached the van and sucked up a deep breath before knocking on the side. It didn't take long for the door to slide open and reveal Skye herself.
"Hey," I said quietly, noticing her surprised expression. "Can we talk?"
She licked her lips nervously and nodded, before moving to the side to let me in. I climbed inside and watched as she shut the door before settling on the seat in front of me. I looked around and realised the little details I hadn't noticed yesterday. The little things that made this place Skye's and nobody else's.
"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any," she joked to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.
I breathed out before meeting her eyes. "Skye, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted like that. If I had known that this was your home, I–"
"You didn't know," she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I didn't want you to know. It's my fault."
I pursed my lips, watching as she looked away with pink cheeks. It hurt me to know that she was embarrassed when I didn't care about any of this, I just cared about her.
"I want you to know that I respect your decision to join the Rising Tide," I said gently, making her look up. "If it's what you want, you should go for it."
"It is," she said with certainty.
I chewed on the inside of my mouth before asking, "Is there no way you can finish high school though? Graduate with me?"
She shook her head. "I don't want to, Y/N."
"But that's the bare minimum," I pleaded. "Hacking isn't a lifestyle. You need to work, too, and I can promise you that most places won't look to hire a high school dropout."
She leaned back in her seat and shrugged nervously. "Miles isn't graduating either. And he's got some friends who haven't graduated. They're all doing fine."
I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration. I promised myself I wouldn't argue with her, but the mention of her other friends was like a trigger.
"What now?" she asked with annoyance, realising I was annoyed. "You clearly have something to say about them."
"It doesn't matter," I said, biting my tongue.
"Sure it doesn't," she played along.
"It doesn't," I agreed.
"Yeah, and the Hulk isn't bright green," she said sarcastically.
I looked up and glared at her. She stared back challengingly, practically daring me to speak. So, I did.
"Your new hacker friends are the reason you're making these choices," I told her straight. "They're the reason you're making a huge mistake. The reason you're dropping out. And for what? So you can hack like them?"
She rolled her eyes. "I know you look down on us, but we're more than that."
"Skye, I don't give a shit about them!" I shouted without meaning to. "I only care about you!"
"Then stop talking crap about my friends!" she returned angrily.
"Why do you care about them so much?!"
"They gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere! They made me feel like I belonged!"
I frowned, anger replacing with hurt. "I always offered you a place to stay. I only ever wanted you to be safe. You never needed to be different with me. You belonged. Always."
She swallowed hard and looked away from me ashamedly. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving."
I breathed out deeply. "School? Our town? Leaving what?"
"All of it," she said quietly. "I don't expect you to understand."
I looked down to my fumbling hands, a tear slipping from my eye. I had never felt so angry at someone before in my life. She was treating me like I was a stranger, as if I wasn't somebody who knew her inside out. She was treating me like she treated everyone else except her new friends. And I couldn't deal with it anymore.
"Fine," I said, before moving to open the door. I jumped out her van and didn't spare her a glance as I said, "Have fun with the rest of your life. Sorry I didn't care enough."
She didn't say anything and I didn't expect her to. With a broken heart and headache, I left and didn't bother turning back.
—
"What do you mean she's run away?"
"I'm sorry, Y/N," Mr Lock said apologetically. "Her foster family got the note this morning. They're doing what they can to find her. She always turns up, you know that."
I knew her family didn't care if she was gone or not, so I knew Skye definitely wouldn't be found. Unlike usual, Skye hadn't contacted me before leaving, so something told me she wouldn't be turning up.
Our argument was over a week ago and I hadn't seen her since. It had been eating away at me the way we'd left things, but I couldn't find it in myself to face her. I had no idea what to say anyway. And I wasn't sure when she was planning on leaving, so I didn't think it was important right now. Clearly, I was wrong.
"I just thought you should know," Mr Lock said with a nod. "The police will come by soon to get a statement from you."
As usual. Except this time, I actually had no idea where she was.
I nodded, my mouth going dry. "Thank you... can I go now?"
He nodded hesitantly. "Of course."
I left his office and headed straight outside behind the bleachers where nobody could hear or see me. The first thing I did was try to ring Skye, but there was no answer and no way to leave a voicemail. I tried several times, hoping she'd pick up, but she didn't. And that's when I remembered the burner phone.
Immediately pulling it out, I turned it on and saw the message from her appear on my screen. I was quick to open it, my heart racing like it did every time she ran away. I knew she wasn't coming back this time though.
Hey, Y/N. I know you probably hate me, but I felt like I owed you this. I said I was leaving and I have. I can't tell you where. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I've had too many of them and I couldn't bring myself to say it to you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I never wanted to, but I guess some things are inevitable, huh? I've managed to do it all my life, this isn't any different. I'm just sorry if I hurt you in the process. Anyway, this is pretty long and I don't even know if you read it, but yeah. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different.
The text ended there and I found myself rereading it to myself over and over, her words imprinted in my mind. I knew we'd argued and exchanged hurtful words, but I never in a million years thought she'd leave without saying goodbye. I thought I meant more to her than this. But no. I was just another foster family she ran away from. And I wasn't so sure I'd see her again.
#daisy johnson#daisy johnson x reader#chloe bennet#marvel imagine#marvel#agents of shield imagine#agents of shield#daisy johnson imagine#mcu#agent skye
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"Promise me forever"- Fushiguro Megumi x gn!reader.
Genre: fluff, angst, action | I do not own the character.
Wc: 1.9k | Requested by @unabashednightmarepizza
Warnings: mentions of death, heavy angst, mentions of blood, jujutsu fight style, hyperventilation, mentions of depression and anxiety, bringing human back to life.| A/n: I did it finally. It took me long time. If anything above triggers you, please don't read it. I am still new to fics and stuffs so please be kind and don't send hate.
SUMMARY <-
The only people who ever understood you were your parents so processing the fact that they are no more wasn't really easy for you.
You inherited both infinite void and six eyes technique and some different abilities due to mutation to although they weren't very reliable. But for several reasons, you're mother asked you to keep it hidden. You really wanted to feel normal but the clan started gossiping about you and how helpless you are.
"Why are you showing pity towards me? I am strong. It's just that I can't show you. I promised my mother. Why are you behaving like that?", unfortunately these were the only thought running in your head.
Gojou saw you and couldn't take it anymore. The way the clan verbally abused you made his blood boil. You were his precious cousin and he didn't want you to get hurt so he took you to Tokyo along with him while enrolling in school.
You felt safe in Tokyo. It's like that was the place you belong although you had to keep up with your cousins antics but watching him getting his ass whooped by the principal is fun.
New semester, new first years joined in. Your days before were so busy and traumatic that you didn't even have the time to think about dating.
Gojou took this opportunity to introduce you to the hottest single guy.
"Y/n, this is Fushiguro Megumi. Megumi, this is my cousin Y/n", Megumi bowed and greeted you, you did the same. The white haired bitch ran leaving you two in an awkward state. Well you did propose a conversation and turned out you both had similar interests. Two of you eventually started dating. It was nice to have a boyfriend. The feeling was very different maybe because you never felt it before.
"Ah! What are you doing baby? You should be more careful", he helped you get up when you slipped. A little O's leaving everyone's lips watching Megumi so caring.
He always held your hands from onwards. The little squeeze he does when he feels insecure about losing you when you guys go on a date or twirling you around with the support of your fingers as you sing and dance on empty streets at night. "We'll stay like this forever. Promise me", he sneakily slipped a ring up your finger as you were busy singing. "Yes", you smiled.
You gasped later when you took notice to it and then immediately hugged him. Before you didn't even know what a promise felt like and now you had it with a person you love the most.
Never have you ever felt so content with anything in your life. Guess good things come to an end.
Being close to the group, Sukuna sensed the potential and power in you when you fought the cursed womb. Well yes, the team was there but you panicked and lost control. Your powers were now visible to both Sukuna and Megumi. He was shocked at how his strong attacks still left you unscratched. Your rage got the best of you. Some of it was the frustration of all the taunts you heard.
You were sure that Megumi wouldn't want to see this monstrous version of you. Growing up alone, scared as if you didn't belong to the family, you never got the chance to control or monitor on how actually your power works. Although Gojou did help you grow enough. But the thought of him hurting your friends was enough to make you snap. Being the monster he is, he wouldn't let this chance slide.
"You're a beautiful bud y/n. You just didn't get a chance to bloom. Seems like it's not too late", he tried so hard to lure you in but the only thing on your mind was now to tear him apart. Sukuna did retreat or should I say Yuuji made him. Fushiguro ran up to you two as you were there with Yuuji's heart in your shivering hand, blood raining down on floor.
"You guys are the best buds I ever had", the last words leaving his mouth as he tumbled on the floor. Your hands were shivering. Even though Megumi knew how to handle such situations, you didn't. Losing a friend? You didn't even have a single friend in the first place but now? You were the one who thrusted his heart out.
"Y/n. It's not your fault.", he tried to convince you. "I am a monster. They were right. I shouldn't have come here. I was good, rotting in a corner in that place. I am helpless", breathlessly blaming yourself.
It took you a few days to finally calm down and think about what was actually going on. Not to mention you were badly injured after the fight. Megumi and Nobara were there the whole time taking care of you when you were recovering.
Gojou after some days took you to somewhere, a place you weren't aware of.
Shocked to very own core you ran towards to hug your friend Yuuji who was alive.
"Y-yuuji.....", not sure what to say afterwards.
"It's okay y/n. It was not your fault. Plus the good thing. I AM ALIVE", he was so excited to see you, that was clearly visible. You both stayed up late and watched movies though Gojou gave you major spoilers so he got kicked out of the room. Gojou warned you to not speak about Yuuji being alive, yet.
A few days later when you were with Yuuji and Junpei at his school, Mahito arrived.
Turns out the reason behind Junpei's whole brainwashing was this man. You tried to snatch Junpei but before you could, Mahito manipulated his body and he was converted into a curse.
"I just wanna have a conversation", he said but you both ignored his shit talk and punched him but seems like it had no effect. Your moves focused on finding his weak point or atleast holding him until Yuuji brings Junpei back.
"Sukuna. Do it."
"No.", the entity inside him denied. A shock hit Yuuji. How did you guys did not expect this? They both are curses in the end.
"Why me?", Junpei tried to ask, fingers clinging on the hem of Itadori's shirt.
"Yuuji, switch with me", you ordered him. You were aware of what Mahito was trying to do and you let him do it. How fool of him to think he can enter and have a conversation with Sukuna. Sukuna striked a blow on his arm causing him to collapse on the ground.
You brought Junpei back to life with all the strength you had left, it didn't work perfectly because his body was still wounded. Sukuna witnessed your Potential and was impressed. He switched with Yuuji, tricking him that he wanted to help you and he will do anything for his friends so he agreed.
Sukuna's fingers brushed throughout your face, as if he was analyzing each and every single cell of it while you pant, brain hazy. "How long are you planning on staying on the good side? Hm? Don't worry. I am going to steal you anyways", his hands cupped your face but soon was cut off.
"HANDS OFF THEM", Megumi passed a blow, voice raging, the vein on his neck was visible.
"Ah. This is good. Two of my adored humans. I'd have you both for me".
"Dream on. There's no way you're having them", he spat.
"No. There's no way you're having any of us", you balanced yourself on your palm, eyeing the curse in front of you.
"I won't ma-make the same mistake again", you were still pretty beaten up, although you had to save everyone. Yuuji tried his best to control but he won't faze. The lust for your power grew more and more and made it unstable for Itadori to tame him.
"Megu-mi. Do as I say".
"Are you sure y/n you can fight?", the one trait you always liked about him was that he never ignored your dedication and just supported you instead of saying "You are weak now." Or "You should rest".
You blew a punch making Sukuna fall back so now you had a calculated distance from him. Your lover joined, standing beside you.
"Trick him into thinking that we are losing in combat and bring him closer", he wasn't sure what were you upto but this was your only resort.
He summoned the Shikigamis one after another and delivered continuous attacks on him. Of course it was useless. He won't concede just like that. Afterall he is the king of curses so he decided to play along with you two for a while. In the end, you both are coming to me anyway or so he thought until......
Your image swiftly appeared in front of his eyes at which his pupil dilated, forehead bleeding, jaw clenched. The bloodlust was clear in your eyes but now it had a different look. Almost as if you earned a control on your powers.
"I told you, didn't I? I won't make the same mistake again", you latched your palm on his chest where Yuuji's heart was.
It's okay, if it's just for a bit it's okay, you convinced yourself.
You stopped the heartbeat for a couple of second with your ability to send shocks and control organs of the body, sort of reakted to body manipulation, causing Sukuna to loose control.
"Yuuji. NOW!", he took the chance and switched back. His torso tumbled down as a fear hit you causing you to fall too. Maybe you made the same mistake again. Megumi approached you two apace.
"Itadori! Y/n! Get a hold of yourself".
"I guess I did it again.", you cupped his face. "I count myself lucky that I me-met you. I am so.....s-sorry. I love yo-", your arms slowly lost velocity and thud the ground.
"No. Atleast learn to complete your words before you stop", megumi fisted his hands in nothing but air.
Later Gojou and others arrived, immediately taking you and Yuuji to the Jujutsu medics.
Luckily, Yuuji switched back at the right time. Thanks to you he was alive.
Your eyes gradually opened up and wandered around the room for a bit until they caught Fushiguro's. (You thought you can die leaving Megumi alone? SIKE!)
Mind still hazy, but was able to comprehend what happened before.
"Where's Yuuji?",you suddenly rose from the bed. Your voice was soft and low but will never go unheard by your lover. He wanted to scold you at how selfless you were. All beaten up yourself but still asking for someone else.
"He is fine and perfectly alive. To be honest it's a surprise since Gojou told me he was alive all this time. He is so annoying that even death doesn't want him", he chuckled lightly making you too. The smiled on your face faded when you saw a tear fall down from the edge of his eyes. His hands squeezing yours a little tighter than before.
"Don't ever do that again.", he was trying hard not to burst out the water from his eyes.
"I won't. I promised you forever. Remember? There's no way I am going to leave you alone.", you stroked his cheekbones.
"Yes. Otherwise there won't be no one to annoy me"
"Hey!", you slapped his chest lightly but he gripped your hand.
"Complete your sentence. Now."
"I love you", three words left your mouth after recalling what you left him hanging on. Megumi sighed in relief and the placed a kiss on your forehead.
"I love you too. Forever.", you embraced each other for the rest of the night.
Taglist: @1-800-teddybear @kenmathepuddinhead
©All the written contents above belongs to nkogneatho2021. Do not modify and repost.
#fushiguro x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fluff#gojo x reader#itadori x reader#jjk x reader#jjk angst#jjk fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#jjk fanfic
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Meant to be | Choi San 🖤
Warnings : Cursing, violence, mention of rape.
Words count : 2.2 k
Previous 《 Prologue
Masterlist
Chapter 1
Present
My cheeks are burning from the salty tears escaping my eyes. A tightening feeling in my chest growing by the minute. The sobs keep escaping me, making my body move uncontrollably. Chocking from the sharp inhales and shaking from the cold temperature. This moment, forever will be imprinted in my mind. Those images I wish I could forget, unfortunately will hunt me till my last breath.
I suppose it's what most people feel too when they lose their parents. I wanted to deny it, but I saw their bodies. They were cold, bruised, bloody and no longer held any signs of life.
The last time a saw them, I didn't bother much to say goodbye to them. Only telling them to enjoy their little vacation in the woods. I was more exited about being alone then making them know how much I loved them. Now it's too late, I'll never be able to see their faces again, hear their voices, feel their arms around me when I need them the most.
I woke up to my cellphone ringing this morning, answering grumpily, thinking it was my mom who disturbed me from my sleep. It was actually the cops telling me to come to the hospital, but I wish it would've been her instead. I wish she could annoy me every morning now, but it's over. She isn't here anymore and neither is my dad.
I'm in my room, at this moment, crying my heart out. I ran out of the hospital immediately after seeing their corpses. They wanted me to identifie them, but I left with people screaming for me to comeback. I guess they probably know from my reaction, that it was indeed my mom and dad.
People keep calling me on my phone, but I don't answer. I'm laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling, waiting for my sadness to subside. I know that won't happen anytime soon, but it's the only way for me to calm down. Being surrounded by people telling me how sorry they are for my loss. A bunch of fake assholes making me feel even worse about the situation definitely won't make anything better.
Slowly my eyes get heavy, I try to fight the exhaustion but fail miserably. I fall asleep on the cold floor of my room, my window open and the sound of rain filling my ears. All of this crying definitely used up a lot of my energy.
The car crash, I wasn't there and I have no idea of what happened. But I see it, something is in the middle of the road and dad just told mom a joke. They're laughing.. until they hit that thing, an animal maybe. It goes right through the window and kill my dad instantly, but as for my mom. The car rolls off the road and fall down a small cliff. Mom's still alive, she's in pain, blood everywhere, she's crying for her husband to open his eyes and answer her. She keeps screaming that she can't feel him anymore? His presence? Her breathing is getting worse the more she panics. Suddenly the door on her side opens and something stabs her in the chest, putting a end to her desperate cries. Blood is streaming down her chin, her eyes looking directly through mine while she takes her last breath.
I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness. I frantically search for a sign of light, I reach around with my hands. My eyes are open wide and my breath shaky, until my fingers brush against an object. I stop every movement, slowly gripping it and letting a breath of relieve when I realise it's my phone.
I turn it on to see a ton of messages and missed calls. One standing out, my aunts name, my mom's sister. I never talked to her, but mom insisted on giving me her number. I look around my room and stand up to look outside the window, only to notice that it's night time. The reason of the darkness and freezing temperature. I close it and turn the lights on in my room. Then I sit on the corner of my bed and hesitate a few minutes while looking at the screen in front of me. My fingers finaly press on call. A few rings later, Aunt Kath's voice is heard. "Y/N! Y/N is it you?"
"Yes it's me.. why did you cal-" I'm cut off by a loud sob. My eyes widen in confusion, but I soon remember that my mom, her sister is no longer a part of this world. I sigh and wait for her to stop crying on the other side of the line. "S-sweetie- where are you? Are you safe? You're not alone ar-"
"Kath, my parents just died. I'm obviously not partying right now, but I'm okay.. I guess.." She stays silent for the next few seconds, my blunt answer probably wasn't expected, but it's understandable. "Sweetheart-I uhh.. you have no one to stay with right? So.. your mom made me your godmother, i-in case anything happened to her.. will you come live w-with me, here in Korea?"
It takes some time to process what just came out of her mouth, my eyebrows are furrowed. Many feelings are fighting to take control of my body, but the one that wins is frustration. "W-what?.."
"She told me to take care of you if she wasn't there anymore... It was just a precaution, but I guess it really happened." She says with a small voice, trying not to upset me further. Judging from my lack of response, she can tell I'm not that excited about this new information. "I asked you, but it ins't really a choice that you have. It's an obligation, you can't stay alone out ther-"
I hang up, not wanting to listen even for one more second. I need some time to think about it. She's right, I don't have much of a choice. I turned seventeen not too long ago and I don't have any family member here. At least none that I know of. I sigh defeated, once again pressing on my godmother's contact.
She picks up not even a second later, as if she knew I was gonna call her back. She doesn't say a word, waiting for me to start talking. I clear my throat after freeing my lower lip from my teeth. "How will I get there? How about my clothes and everything else in the house? My parents' funera-"
"I'll take care of everything you don't have to worry, just bring the necessary and I'll transfer some money on your account so you can pay for your plane ticket. As for the ride to my house, my boyfriend will pick you up" She spend a whole hour explaining to me how everything will go and I agree after hesitating for a while. If my mom gave Kath the role of godmother, she must trust her. So I will trust her too, anyways I don't really have a reason not to. She's been nice till now and she'll even welcome me in her house, she's taking me in. "Thank you Kath, I really appreciate it. I don't know what I would've done if I was all alone."
Days later
I prepared all my stuff, ready to fly to Korea. It took me a while to accept, but eventually I warmed up to it. It's an opportunity for me, to start over. A new life full of adventure, new environment and culture. I want to explore the world so why not start there.
Unfortunately though, I had to say goodbye to all my friends. We cried and spend the last few days together. We promised to text each other everyday and not to forget about one another. Sad thing is, my friends aren't the only ones I need to leave behind. It's hard to leave the place I grew up in, my house, my neighbourhood, my city, everything.
In a few hours, everything I ever knew will all be in the past. Only the memories will stay, the rest, all gone. So the day my parents died, I didn't only lose them, but my life too. The life they gave me. Now, I have to make a new one, by myself.
Landing in Korea
The flight was boring and quite annoying, I didn't know what to do. A baby cried for what felt like years and a couple had an argument at some point. Then the person next to me started to snore so loudly I thought the plane was crashing. I'm glad to finaly be on the ground, the loud voices of people speaking indistinctly seeming to sooth me from what I went through previously.
I sit on one of the chairs in the airport waiting for James, my godmother's boyfriend. He'll drive me to their house, apparently Kath arranged a room for me already. She doesn't have any kid, so she's looking forward to having me over.
"Y/N!!" I jump from the chair almost falling on my ass. I luckily manage to stay on my two feet and not make a fool of myself. Upon hearing a chuckle, I turn around and see an old looking dude smirking at me, maybe in his late forties. "Umm.. Hi can I help you?"
"James, I came to pick you up remember?" He asks while pointing at himself. I'm still unsure, he's looking at me weirdly. I can feel an odd vibe from him. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but I push it aside and nod before following him.
We enter his rusty jeep, the doors creaking when moving. Despite the outside looking a bit ugly, the inside is clean. The only negative point would be the smell, cigarette and..alcohol? Paying a bit more attention to the smell though, it doesn't only come from the jeep. The man next to me is even worst, it seems that he might shower rarely. Subtly, I bring my sweater paws to my nose, looking outside to distract myself.
"So, Y/N! How you holding up?" His loud and deep raspy voice makes me jump for the second time. I turn a bit a towards him not to be impolite and think before answering him. "I guess it's a bit easier then I expected. I didn't think that I'd feel any better, but after a few days it prove me wrong. But I feel bad, to already move on.."
He hums next to me, nodding his head lazily. I wait for him to add something, but the car is filled with silence. I'm relieved he doesn't speak further, not really being in the mood to have a whole conversation, especially with someone I don't know. So, slowly I turn back around towards the window. My mind drifting to the events that happened in just a few weeks, everything is so fucked up. Fortunately, Kath and James decided to help me.
About an hour past since we came out of the airport. We just entered a forrest, James informed me that it'll take a while still. He insisted that I should go to sleep and when I'll wake up, we'll be home. I ponder for some time, but eventually agree. It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep due to not being able to get much sleep in the plane.
I wake up when the car come to an halt, a man's voice coming from next to me. Curses escaping his mouth, confused I open my eyes. The events from the previous hours coming back to me, tears threatening to escape my eyes. My body shaking slightly from fear, uncontrollably.
The ride was a lot longer then what James had told me it would be and I slept, only to be woken up by a hand covering my mouth. Horrible things happened in that car and it wasn't a nightmare, no mather how much I wish it was one. He said he would tell Kath it took us some time because of the traffic and the airport. Then he threatened to kill me if I open my mouth.
I can't let him see me crying, I don't want him to have another reason to hurt me. Despite being terrified and completely drained from energy, I swallow the bill in my throat and wipe the tears from my eyes. While I'm breaking down, next to me James is whistling and turning the car off. Announcing with a loud scream to Kath that we arrived.
"Omg! Y/N! Sweetie you really are here." Kath comes out of the house shouting happily, her arms open, waiting for me to give her a hug. I rush to open the door, but a hand grabs my arm. His nails dig in my skin and I whimper, both from fear and pain. "Remember. You talk, you die."
He puts my bag in my hand, pretending to be helping me. Finally I escape the horrible vehicle and run into my godmother's arms with a heavy heart. The second she engulfs me in her warmth, sobs spill from deep within me. She cries with me but not for the same reason. She cries because she lost her sister and now I'm here. I, cry because I've lost my parents, I lost my house, my friends. Because I've been raped less then an hour ago. Because I feel completely broken and hopeless. The new life I wanted for myself, only starts with even more problems then I had before.
Next 》 Chapter 2
#ateez#ateez x reader#ateez imagines#ateez fanfic#kpop#kpop fanfic#san fanfic#werewolf au#atiny#park seonghwa#kim hongjoong#jeong yunho#kang yeosang#choi san#song mingi#jung wooyoung#choi jongho
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a braving light in a world so dark: a georgie/melanie playlist (spotify)
1. first love/late spring - mitski // 2. unforgiving girl (she's not an) - car seat headrest // 3. strange girl - laura marling // 4. reach out - sleater-kinney // 5. safe tonight - bat for lashes // 6. crying in public - chairlift // 7. don't delete the kisses - wolf alice // 8. it's not just me - let's eat grandma // 9. sick of spiraling - bachelor // 10. shut up kiss me - angel olsen // 11. marauders - thao & the get down stay down // 12. half colored hair - black belt eagle scout // 13. stay with me - margaret glaspy // 14. don't go puttin wishes in my head - torres // 15. walk with you - oceanator
selection of lyrics under the cut
first love/late spring
Wild women don't get the blues/But I find that lately, I've been crying like a tall child/So please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe/Please don't say you love me/Mune ga hachikire-sōde/One word from you and I would/Jump off of this ledge I'm on, baby/Tell me, "Don't," so I can crawl back in
unforgiving girl (she's not an)
Well, everyone learns to live with themselves/And you're not the only one who's been through hell/So give me a sign that I'm not making love to myself/It's an unforgiving world/But she's not an unforgiving girl
strange girl
Woke up in a country who refused to hold your hand/Kept falling for narcissists who insist you call them 'man'/You work late for a job you hate that's never fit the plan/Stay low, keep brave/I love you, my strange girl/My lonely girl/My angry girl/My brave
reach out
Reach out, touch me, I'm stuck on the edge/Reach out, darkness is winning again/Reach out and see me, I'm losing my head/Reach out, I can't fight without you, my friend
safe tonight
Lying in the dark and I am out of time/There's a demon in my heart that I'm not sure we’ll survive/The shadows come around one too many times/Baby, I need you to tell me I'm safe tonight
crying in public
Take all my defenses in two words/And throw them away/
Tell me, what kind of monster/Have I been today?/But you smile and call me “tough guy”/To the opposite effect/It's a flower in the gun/And your tough guy's a wreck/Sorry I'm crying in public this way/I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you/I'm sorry I'm causing a scene on the train/I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you
don't delete the kisses
What if it's not meant for me?/Love/What if it's not meant for me?/Love/A few days pass since I last saw you/And you've taken over my mind/I'm retelling jokes you made that made me laugh/Pretending that they're mine/I wanna tell the whole world about you/I think that that's a sign/I'm losing self-control and it's you
it's not just me
Because the point is that I see it's not just me/The point is that you feel my company/You know I'll never be too far if you're looking for somebody/I'm here/It's not just me/I know you're feeling the same way/And I can't fail to believe/When you're feeling the same way/It's not just me
sick of spiraling
Walking alone at night/Clutching a cheap gas station knife/Love, the danger is in the car/Who couldn't see me it was too dark/As the brakes slam to the floor/Missing me just inches short/I thought, "If I can't have my own back/How the fuck can I have yours?"/You are a braving light in a world so dark/And I'm sick of spiraling out and I need your touch to stop/You are a braving light in a world so dark/And I'm scared out of my mind and I need your love
shut up kiss me
I could make it all go away/Tell me what you’re thinking, don't delay/We could still be having some sweet memories/This heart still beats for you, why can't you see?/Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight/Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight/Stop your crying, it's alright/Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight
marauders
My darlin', your patience, rain it on me/I know daughters of marauders are just so hard to please/I got that poison, carve it on out/Barely served me then/Only hurts me now/But you look like I could stay/Let all my intentions fall away/Kill all my defenses where they lay/Say all that's left to say
half colored hair
How you look at me/In the brightness of your room/Imagine the lightness of my fingers on your face/Run through your hair/Across your neck/Light breaks across your room/I never knew I'd like half colored hair so much/But in the light
stay with me
I've had nothing but trouble/And bad news on the line for such a long time/The only break I get is laughing 'tiI my eyes are wet/With you, you/Won't you stay with me?/I'll be on my best behavior/When it all shakes down—/Who's the clown, and who's the savior?
don't go puttin wishes in my head
I know promising forever's not your thing/But now if you don't want me to go dreaming/Don't spend your mornings and your evenings in my bed/If you don't want me believing that/You're never gonna leave me, darling/Don't go putting wishes in my head/So if we're calling off the funeral/Then I'm calling for a hitching/For a while, I was sinking/But from here on out, I swear I'm swimming
walk with you
When you were depressed and/You put your head on my chest and you told me/That you were tired of being tough/I took you by the hand and/Told you I understand and you told me/That could never be enough/But I will walk with you down the avenue though the streets are made of glass/And we will tread lightly on our heavy feet and avoid all of the cracks/It's a fragile place that we've ended in and one wrong move could shatter/But in the end will it matter?
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We found each other- Part 5: Bitches and Jerks
*Credit to saucynewf*
Pov: Dean
Chapter Summary: After a few weeks of being back with Sam and bobby. Dean finds a hunt. Werewolves, but Sam can't help but yell at his brother due to his stupid action.
Pairings: Dean W. x Reader, Reader x Platonic!Sammy, Bobby is mentioned a little
Chapters Tags: Inner thought, fighting, yelling, running away from problems, blaming, screaming, angst, feelings, anger, description of blood, and wounds.
A/N: @firefly-graphics for dividers
Word Count: 2.4k
We found each other Master List
Dean Winchester Master List
Main Master List
Here we are again, back at bobbys. Back in the same trenches of hunting. It's been over two months, I've been ignoring Y/n. Ignoring the true way I feel about her. keeping my mind strictly on finding hunts, cleaning my guns, and being what Sam calls a true asshole.
The true asshole that means I have no feelings towards anyone. Not even the random girls I being back to bobbys and in frank words fuck before asking her to leave. I've become everything that I would think Y/n doesn't want. If I become something she'd never want maybe she'd realize just how much I didn't deserve her.
I've been back for a while now, getting used to the shack-like house that is bobbys home. I'm not bashing his home, but I will say that I'm missing Y/n comfy guest bedroom and her oh-so-wonderful bathroom. I miss the way the house smells as she makes dinner.
'Look now, you left because you have to keep her safe, So stop thinking about her'
The whole point to leaving. Is to do something, but I can't grasp the idea or how it's going to work. So for now I ignore it, I ignore the raw feelings, and emotions that I have for Y/n.
Her warm smiles as she invites you into her home. Her gorgeous giggles, and laughs as she watches a funny movie. Her lavender and rosy scent could make me drift into a blissful mindset. She's a ravishing-looking woman, a shit ton of alluring features. Features that blow your breath away.
For now, I ignore that. Focus my mind on hunting. I've found a case, a case of werewolves. Focusing on any other than her is all I've got right now.
"So, Sammy I've found a hunt," I say as I walk into the small living. Sam didn't talk to me for the first few days when I got back from Y/n's. He hums, and Bobby answers me.
"Where is it, boy?" He asks. We've known bobby for so long now at this point he might as well be our father. Taking care of us since we were young when our dad was so hell-bent on getting the thing that killed mom.
He's the one that taught me about cars. Taught me to play catch, teaching me so much so that I'd hopefully turn out nothing like my father. He taught me all the basic normal boy things, so I'm forever grateful for that.
"It's a clear-cut werewolves case. A small town in Minnesota called Lanesboro. They've been having issues with a ton of missing people coming back claw marks all over their bodies. Two females and two males. The new article says that they were camping for the summer." I say, reading a bit more of the article to hear what Bobby or Sam had to say.
Nothing from my younger brother, but Bobby did have a few words to share with me. "I'll grab some silver, Sam grab your bags. Go with your idjit of a brother."
The huffing and puffing that left Sam were clear that he didn't want to come with me. Or even do this hunt with me. He got up all 6'4 of him passing by me. His shoulder bumping into mine.
I sighed and walked into the small dining room that's connected to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of Jack and pouring myself a hefty amount into the clear crystal glass.
Sipping and not judging on the liquid, Bobby came walking back into the room. "You know, maybe Sam is right." He said setting down the bag on the counter. The clicking and clacking bouncing off the walls.
"What do you mean bobby?" I ask a furrowed eyebrow showing my confusion. "You know what I mean Dean. You shouldn't have left her." He said. Pulling a few slivers knifes out of the bag, and placing them on the counter.
"Yeah Sam is right, but I can't drag her back into this life. You should her Bobby. She's got a good home, there are no monsters hunting her down. She at peace, and I have no intentions of putting her in danger." I say before now jugging the rest of the hot liquid. My throat burns as it runs down.
"Look, Dean. I've known you since damn well you were a baby. I know when you are 'Head over heels" for a girl. Yes, she is at peace, but remember this isn't just about her." Bobby said, Sam, coming into the room stopping our conversation.
"If we are going Dean, then let's go now," Sam said his short and harsh tone telling me that he is still very upset with me. Bobby patted Sam on the shoulder and he left out of the back door, I got up grabbing my bottle of Jack, and putting it back in the cupboard, before grabbing the sliver knives on the counter.
"Call me if you need any extra help, okay Dean." He says patting my shoulder and sending me out the door. The ride to the small town was the quietest it had ever been in baby. I didn't dare turn the radio on knowing that would only piss him off more.
The same crappy motel was our choice of living arrangements for the few days we'd be here. Doing this always reminded me of watching scooby doo as a kid. Solving crimes and saving people.
Like a told Sam years ago when I took him from college. "Saving people, hunting things, the family business" That's what we are good at, saving people, not ourselves. Saving ourselves from this life. We are meant to hold the whole world on our shoulders. We save the world even if we're crushing ourselves in the process.
Not that it's important.
Sam went to the morgue to check out the theory that it was in fact a werewolves hunt. I went out to the camping grounds, it was taped off by the yellow tape. I flashed my FBI badge to the guard standing by. My suit kept clean as I walked around the scene.
Their tents were torn to shreds, and so were their belongings. According to the police report, they had a young lady at the police station who had seen the whole thing.
So leaving the campgrounds I traveled back to the town. The people walking hand and hand gave me a shiver down my spine. A shiver of sadness, of loneliness maybe I shouldn't have left her.
Maybe we could have figured it out, not like she had much to figure out. It was me who kept us from having everything that we could possibly need. I think as I drive to the police station.
I roll into the free space at the station. Killing the engine to baby, Sam hadn't said much before he left for the morgue. It wasn't but a few minutes' walk from our shitty motel room. I sat for a moment in baby and reflected on the past couple of months.
A couple of months ago I was sitting in a nice old furnishes home. With a sweet woman laying in my lap. A sweet meal being made, the sweet life hitting me hard as I again realize that I'm sitting here and not sitting next to Y/n
'you're an idiot
I get out of baby and walk into the station. The cold air blast into my face. The young lady at the desk looking up at me, like I'm the very first man she's ever seen. She brushes her hair to the side, pushing herself in the rolling chair closer to the counter.
"Hi Sir, can I help you?" HSe asks a southern twang rolling from her lips. I smile that devil smile that can get me anything I want from anyone I meet.
"Yeah, you sure can' She interrupts me "Delilah" I sigh gently, before speaking again. "Well Delilah, you can help me. I'm here on official business' Raising my FBI badge, her eyes widen, and she gets up from her chair. Her face is inches away from mine now.
"What type of official business?" She asks, I smirk and she melts back into her roller chair. "Go ahead, Agent Collins." Her southern draw coming back.
I guide myself to what I assume is the Captain's office. I knock on the glass door, and he gets up with an angry and confused look. "Hello sir, I'm here with the FBI to talk to your witness about the campgrounds killings," I say another flash of this damn fake badge.
"What is the FBI doing here?" He asks his deep and very much not southern voice rang. "We are just making sure they're no crazy people messing up your investigation," I say stuffing my badge back in my coat pocket.
He leads me to another section of the police station. The meeting with the young lady goes as excepted, she claims that I won't believe her, calls her crazy. A few words like "Try me, ma'am", or "It's alright, I won't say anything". She tells me that she saw a man-shaped thing, with long claws and what looked like sharp teeth mawl the group of campers.
From that, I left giving the young lady a pat on her shoulder. I get up and smile briefly at the southern women at the front desk. Rushing out the door, and to baby. I rev her engine before driving down the road to our motel room.
When I walk in Sam's sitting at the small dining room table. Pretty much set way too close to the motel door. He looks up and notices me walk in.
"So according to the doctor in the morgue, she says that they look like they got attacked by bears," Sam says, his face looks tired, and he looks entirely worn out. "I've also got a place of where this pack may be out in the woods." He says, he shuts his laptop down, and toes off his FBI black shoes.
"Tomorrow Sam, we can go tomorrow. You look like shit, get some sleep and fight them tomorrow in the light." I say. He looks over his shoulder an odd look on his face. It's the look of 'I want so badly to fight you, but I'm so fucking tired' I look down at my shoes.
I hear the bathroom door slam, and get undressed into more comfortable clothes. Clothes that still keep the peach dryer sheets smell that Y/n uses.
I slip into the uncomfortable bed and fall asleep. I dream of her, she's in my arms and humming a wonderful song in the background. She's wearing my t-shirt my favorite. She's playing with my bread, Y/n loves when I keep my bread longer. She says that she loves the feeling between her thighs. But for right now she's right here in my arms.
I have awoken abruptly when I hear Sam scream next to me. Sam is still asleep. A shitty nightmare cutting into my nice dream. I get out of bed checking on the clock, it's been my four hours. Sam's been having nightmares since we were kids. He'd scream and I'd come to rescue, and that exactly what I did tonight.
We don't talk about me waking Sam up in the morning, we just get ready for the hunt. Grabbing our bags and putting them in baby's trunk. The drive to the hunt was quiet. But once we got there Sam wouldn't shut up.
"You know you should have stayed." He says. "What?" I ask in return. Confused about where the sudden want for conversation came from. "Tennesse," He says, grabbing a case of silver bullets.
"With Y/n?" I question. "Yes with Y/n you ass. You know you should have just told her the truth instead of leaving." He says jamming his bullets into his gun.
Backing up before Sam starts to get anymore bitchy. I leave him behind baby, and go to kill the engine. When I come back I grab a machete, and my guns slamming the trunk.
Coming into the pack, Sam takes out two werewolves, and I shop a few heads off. Before we meet up in the middle of the area. He screams at me now. "She loves you. And you just throw that away!" He screams. I yell back, "No Samuel. I didn't throw it away. I saved her from a life she's already gotten out of!" Yelling as always hurt my throat, so when I'm met with an ugly monster, I slash straight through them.
My anger showing as I run and cut my way through the force of monsters. Again I hear Sam yell "She knows that you're trying to save her, but she doesn't want you to save her. God, you're the stupidest person I've ever met." He says the ringing sound of his bullets hitting the metal siding.
By the time we get out and have killed all the werewolves. I'm covered in blood, drenched in blood. There's another ding, the same dings that I've been ignoring since I left Y/n's sweet home.
>Hey Dean, I know you probably aren't going to respond. It's been 60 days. I'm a little confused about what happened. I heard you talk about loving me when you come back after Sam called me. I guess I'll stop messaging you. Thank you for the peaceful time you gave me when we were together.
That's it. I can't take this anymore I jam my phone into my pocket. "Let's go, Sam," I say, but he's reluctant to get moving. "Dean, you're covered in blood first off, second off I'm tired of yelling and screaming, the stupid fighting because, well because of you." He says, he sounds tired just like me.
"Fine Sam," I say. The drive back to the motel is quiet, but the tension is gone between the two of us. I've worn myself out by trying to ignore the intense feelings that I have for Y/n. Regardless of me trying to save her. I never gave her a choice, when the choice should have been easy because I wasn't supposed to get attached. But got attached, attached to her. To her smile, to her personality, to her love for others.
And I'm such a dick, Sams right. I left her after I claimed to be the better man after her mother died. I left her to be alone. To turn into me, she'd never take me back now would she? Why would she take me back?
What am I supposed to do now? I fucked up massively haven't I?
We Found Each Other Part 6
Completed on: 07/02/2021
Posted on: 07/03/2021
Dean Winchester Tag List: @akshi8278 @deanswaywardgirl @doctorlilo @hit-meup69 @wonderfulworldofwinchester @fofisstilinski
We found each other Tag List: @samsgirl93 @stoneyggirl2 @ijustlearnedtolove-beep-bop-boop
#dean winchester imagine#dean fanfiction#dean winchester fanfic#dean x oc#dean winchester drabble#deangirl#dean fanfic#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester#dean x reader#dean x female#dean x you#dean x y/n#dean x female!reader#fem reader#fem#feminine#inner thoughts#sam x female!reader#sam x fem#yelling#fighting#hunting#spn fanfic series#series update#we found each other series#dean winchester series#series#fluffspn#fluff fluff fluff
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