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#hyunjin high notes in the chorus

jinnie-ret · 8 months

Text

fallen angel

stray kids x ninth member!reader (platonic)

genre: hurt/comfort, some fluff at the end

content warnings: injury, hyunjin hiatus (but he still makes an appearance)

word count: 3k

If you enjoy feel free to send in requests as my asks are open! And let me know if you would like to join the taglist for when I upload more imagines :)

the stray kids members have two maknaes to comfort at the end of their 'I'll Be Your Man' cover. One upset because he thought he wasn't good enough, and the other an injured, fallen angel, left hurt because MNET hadn't done enough safety checks on their equipment.

pt 2

MAIN MASTERLIST

Practising the vocals for 'I'll Be Your Man' was difficult enough, trying to learn the choreography alongside it was hard too. But performing said choreography whilst being lifted in a harness too was even more difficult.

Y/N would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. No, it wasn't to do with the heights, she could cope with that, but it was more the precision of her dance, and the fact that she would be hitting a high note in the air at the same time, having her own solo moment to shine. Maybe it would be different if they had multiple takes to make sure they got the right one. But with Kingdom, they didn't. She only had so many practices to ensure it looked perfect in front of her sunbaenims and friends. Yeosang and Wooyoung from ATEEZ had kept reminding her they were excited to see her performance. In the normal way, this would be encouraging, this time round, it only felt more daunting.

So when it came to the day of the performance, Y/N was unable to hide her nerves shining through.

"Y/Nnie, you good?" Han appeared in front of her, big brown eyes shining in concern as he watched the younger member zoned out in her own world.

"Huh? Oh yeah..." Y/N said dismissively, not really entirely sure how she felt right now, but her emotions showed more on the outside than on the inside right now.

"You've practiced this a billion times, you've got this," Han encouraged her, his hand resting on her shoulder whilst stylists were around the two making last minute adjustments to their outfits before they went on stage.

"Okay okay, I can do this," Y/N nodded, trying to hype herself up for the performance, breathing away her worries.

"Hannie! Y/Nnie!" Changbin loudly called them over to their group huddle where the rest of the members were gathered.

Y/N gave Han a thankful smile before they joined the others in the circle, Y/N slotting herself between Felix and Seungmin.

"Right, let's do our best, stay safe, and deliver what Stray Kids do best! Let's go! Hwaiting!" Chan led the small talk before they all cheered each other on and got into position on stage.

Y/N didn't have a part until the first group choreography part of the performance, where Han and Lee Know sang the chorus and led them through the gates. Felix, Han and Changbin then had their rap parts in a more hellish scene, where a dance break ensued, Y/N running off halfway through it like she was meant to, to get into position.

She was quickly harnessed by their supporting dancers and got ready for her solo part. As soon as she heard Lee Know sing out 'baby I just pray', she was slowly lifted into the air. Instrumental music played as she rose upward, stretching out her arms and legs and creating beautiful moments with them. And when her arms swooped across her long black hair, the other groups who were watching backstage were shocked to see it was a wig that was knocked off, revealing long white hair instead. As she rose higher, some large wings appeared on the screen behind her.

"Oh my god her hair!"

"Wow she's an angel!"

"That's my best friend! Let's go Y/Nnie!"

"So pretty..."

Now risen at the highest point in the air, Y/N began singing too, beautiful vocal runs flowing along with the violin in the background. Her moves ranged from static to more elegant moves too, and she feigned an expression as part of the performance like her soul had been taken away from her, sacrificed for the young boy to align with the storyline of the performance. She was then lowered as her movements became more frantic and dramatic, showing the desperate need to have saved a soul. At the same time, her wings dissolved behind her, the screen turning darker behind her.

"She's a fallen angel! Wow!"

"Oh wow..."

She continued to be lowered, and Y/N was beginning to feel a bit nervous now because she swore she heard a slight ripping sound from the cord she was attached to, yet she continued performing. It was until she was still 6ft in the air, that the cord actually did snap, and Y/N was forced to act quickly despite her shock to try and land. Despite the impact going straight through her left ankle, Y/N continued dancing until the camera panned away again, panting before realising she'd have to dance some more at the end of their performance too. She tried her best to keep her tears at bay, moving across the stage the best she could as she limped over to the rest of the boys. None of them noticed however, as they were in performance mode and hadn't seen her part of the stage from getting ready themselves for the next. And even the groups backstage had seemed to think the drop from the harness was planned, like it was part of her fallen angel character.

Her left foot was in agony, yet she kept going, her body twisting and turning whilst Han and Seungmin sung their hearts out, and Changbin rapped incredibly fast. She was relieved once it came to the end, and they were able to collapse to the ground, because ever since she fell that was all she wanted to do.

Once the lights came up, she cried out, hands over her face. It was then that she noticed she was finding it hard to breathe too, and she didn't know if it was another injury or if she was in so much pain from her ankle.

"Y/N what's happened?" Lee Know crouched down next to Y/N, thinking she was upset and tried to help her up but then she cried out in pain again.

"What's happened? Are you hurt?" Felix panicked, seeing the tears coming from the younger member.

Staff members from MNET rushed over, catching the attention of the other members.

"What's going on?" Changbin asked confused and worried.

A higher up crew member approached the group and began to explain what happened.

"There was a fault with the harness, the cord snapped as she was being lowered and so she suffered a slight fall. Good news is she landed it well so it still looked good on camera," they hurriedly tried to reassure the rest of the group, but their words did anything but that.

"She fell?!" Seungmin looked across at Y/N who was being comforted by a now angry looking Lee Know and a more worried Felix. Jeongin, who wasn't feeling too good about his own performance, looked worried for his fellow maknae.

"The harness broke?!? Why didn't you check it was safe?!" Chan exploded in anger at the MNET staff, because now one of his members was injured.

Whilst he continued to rant angrily at the staff, Han trying to calm him down, the rest of the boys gathered around Y/N.

"Ah it hurts," she cried through stuttered breaths, top half leant against Changbin as he had lifted her slightly into his arms. He rubbed soothing circles into her hands which gripped onto his so tightly.

"Where, Y/N? Can you tell us where it hurts, love?" Felix rushed out his words concerned for her, seeing the tears roll down her face.

"Landed on my ankle," Y/N whimpered, her breaths coming out short.

"Y/N you need to calm down, okay?" Seungmin patted her arm, thinking that she was working herself up even more, and not wanting her to feel even worse.

"Get a doctor here then!" Chan was heard shouting, which only made Y/N more upset.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's going to be okay, yeah?" Changbin reassured her gently, squeezing her hands tighter.

"W-what if I can't join the next performance?" Y/N shakily asked, eyes flitting back and forth between the boys who were her real comfort right now.

"We'll worry about that later. We're more concerned about you right now, Y/Nnie. Just breathe sweetheart, can you do that, hmm?" Lee Know spoke calmly, slowly taking off her shoe to reveal a swollen and bruised ankle.

"I'm trying to b-but it hurts to," Y/N says through stuttered breaths, tears still falling down her face.

"There's not a doctor here yet?" Jeongin questioned, wondering why someone on set hadn't arrived quicker.

"They should be coming over now," Chan informed them, before grabbing one of Y/N's hands, "we're going to get you some help, yeah? Just take some nice deep breaths, Y/Nnie."

Chan gave her the same advice as the others yet it wasn't working. Y/N knew it wasn't her panicking, but something worse.

"We keep trying to calm her down but she says it hurts when she breathes," Felix looks up Chan worriedly, and sees Han to the left of him with his clasped together nervously.

Some medical staff finally came over and lifted her onto a small bed to move her backstage and look at her properly. Y/N couldn't help but let out more whimpers of pain and the members tried to reassure her as they followed along.

"Only one person in here please," the standby doctor informed the boys, and that was when they decided Seungmin should go in with her. He was the most grounded at the moment, the other members either being too angry, worried or upset to remain calm like Y/N needed.

Seungmin gently held Y/N's hand as the doctors checked over her. With a slight press into her ribs, Y/N let out a loud yell of pain, Seungmin immediately whispering reassuring words to her and gently petting her hair.

"It's okay, it's okay, they're just making sure you're okay, Y/Nnie," he stumbled over his words, now wishing someone else was in his position instead because he feared he wasn't doing enough to comfort the younger girl and he hated seeing her like this.

"We fear you may have a bruised rib, Miss Y/N, you're going to have to seek medical help from a hospital," the doctor shook his head, regretfully informing them.

"No, no, I can't, what about the next performance, can't let the team down," Y/N cried, which was making her ribs hurt even more from the slight jolting of her body.

"Y/Nnie, it's okay, we'll figure out, but you need to calm down, jagi, because you'll hurt yourself more," Seungmin made sure she was looking at him as he said this, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, stroking her face gently.

"B-but-"

"Ssshh, please don't cry Y/Nnie, we'll get you to a hospital and then we worry about the future, okay, come on now, that's it, well done," Seungmin helped her to relax, an arm gently wrapped around her shoulders as he stroked her hair to calm her down.

Whilst Y/N's examination was happening, Chan had noticed Jeongin's upset.

"Hey Innie, it's okay, Y/N will be okay," he patted his younger member's back, thinking that's why he was crying to himself.

"It's not that, I mean, I'm worried about Y/N, but I messed up in the performance and then seeing her hurt too was just," Jeongin couldn't finish his words, crying into the shoulder of his leader.

"Ah, Innie, you did good, which part?" Chan patted his back gently.

"I just did a terrible job as a whole," Jeongin sniffled, his voice thick from trying to hold back his cries.

"Hey, it's okay man," Chan hugged him again.

Felix came and hugged Jeongin too.

"Ah what are we going to do with our maknaes?" Han sighed fondly, patting Jeongin on the head, and it was then they saw Y/N getting wheeled out of the medical room and heading down the corridor past their room.

"Hey, hey! What's going on?" Chan called after some staff of their own who were with Y/N.

"They're taking her to hospital, think she's got a bruised rib," the JYP staff shook their head angrily.

"A bruised rib?!" Changbin said with wide eyes, trying to peer round at Y/N who was sat up straight, trying to remain calm with Seungmin who was stood beside her, looking stressed himself.

"Lee Know and I will go with her, Seungmin, you go home with the others, yeah? We'll update you," Chan instructs everyone.

Seungmin nodded and was immediately embraced into a hug by Felix, feeling guilty for relaxing but he couldn't deal with seeing his member hurt.

And off they went. Changbin stayed behind with the 00 liners and Jeongin, making sure they weren't too shaken up by what happened. Chan and Lee Know stuck to Y/N like glue, one of them always holding her hand or stroking her hair, even when she had been given some drugs for the pain and was unconscious.

"I can't believe this happened..." Chan sighed, brushing back stray hairs from Y/N's face. They were sat beside her hospital bed.

"Typical MNET," Lee Know sighed angrily, looking at the boot now on Y/N's foot.

Y/N then started waking up.

"Hey, sweetheart, how you feeling?" Chan was quick to check in on her.

"Feel, funny," Y/N giggled trying to sit up but then wincing in pain.

"Oh gosh, she's gone loopy," Lee Know playfully sighed, but he couldn't hide his worry for her as he gently leaned her back.

"Wow I have such handsome members," Y/N suddenly said, the drugs she was given making her delirious and spouting whatever was on her mind.

"What? Y/N?" Chan laughed at the girl who staring at the two eldest members.

"Did so well today. Good performance. All 9 of us," Y/N carried on, seeming like she had forgotten about her injuries for now considering she thought all 9 of them was there, when really it was 8 because of the stupid hiatus Hyunjin had to be on.

"It was only 8 of us, Y/Nnie, remember?" Lee Know warily reminded her, and it was then she teared up.

"Call Hyunjin, I miss him. Want to talk to him," Y/N pouted sadly, and they couldn't deny their maknae.

"He might be busy though, Y/N," Chan said gently, calling his fellow member anyways.

Fortunately he answered.

"Hi Channie hyung!" Hyunjin said brightly upon seeing Chan's face, which soon changed to Y/N holding the phone closely to her face, making Hyunjin cackle.

"Woah, Y/N, all of a sudden?" he laughed over the phone.

"Hyunjin!" Y/N yelled into the phone, causing Chan and Lee Know to shush her due to being in a hospital.

"Y/Nnie!" Hyunjin joyfully said back.

"I miss you!" she said into the phone, holding the phone higher up where Hyunjin could see she was in a hospital gown and had an IV in.

"Miss you too- huh? Are you in hospital?" Hyunjin sounded very concerned, and Lee Know and Chan could hear it in his voice that he longed to be with them right now to comfort her and reassure himself.

"Yeah. Because MNET are all dickheads who can s-" Y/N spoke her mind, until Chan covered her mouth so she'd stop speaking and Lee Know took the phone.

"Hyung is Y/N okay?" Hyunjin frowned.

"We were filming and you know she had that harness part? MNET didn't do enough safety checks and so the cord snapped," Lee Know shook his head angrily

"What? That's ridiculous! How could they just let that happen?" Hyunjin rambled from the other side of the phone, but Y/N in her more delirious state thought he was talking about her.

"You angry at me Jinnie?" she asked sadly, bottom lip wobbling.

"No no no, not at you, jagi, at MNET, because they're all dickheads, remember?" Hyunjin quickly calmed Y/N, trying to make her laugh by using her words, and he was successful in doing so.

"Hyunjin!" Chan scolded, yet their was a smile as he spoke and Hyunjin could hear Lee Know's laughter in the background.

"Please update me if she's ok, yeah?" Hyunjin bit his lip worriedly, wishing he could be with his memners right now.

"Of course of course, that goes without question. Talk to you soon, yeah?" Chan promised Hyunjin.

"Bye hyungs! Bye Y/Nnie!" Hyunjin waved them goodbye as the phone hung up.

"Y/N you can't shout like that," Chan facepalms and laughs, scolding her for her shouting earlier on in the call.

"You sounded like a parrot," Lee Know said bluntly, causing Y/N to smirk.

"You sounded like a parrot."

"Y/N-"

"Y/N."

A sigh.

And another, Y/N copying Lee Know once again.

"Hyung make her stop," Lee Know whined, Y/N copying once again before he covered her mouth.

Chan managed to capture this on video and sent it to the groupchat to let them know how Y/N was doing.

Chan:

[vid. attachment]

Y/N is up and doing better

Han:

haha Lee Know hyung is annoyed

Chan:

well he did call her a parrot

Changbin:

ah Y/N is so clever like that haha

Seungmin:

she learnt it from me

Felix:

hahaha

what did the doctors say?

Lee Know:

she's got a bruised rib, broken ankle, don't know how we're going to let her down gently about if she can join the next performance or not

Jeongin:

I hope she can :(

Chan:

she spoke to Hyunjin and that made her feel better

Hyunjin:

what can I say? I'm a natural healer

Felix:

we miss you jinnie

Hyunjin:

I miss you guys too

but it's not long now, that makes me feel better

Y/N:

you know what is long?

Han:

which one of you let Y/N have her phone?

Y/N:

my d-dkfkfkfmfkfdkdkrkrkttt

Lee Know:

Chan did, but I've got it now. this one has gone crazy...

tagged: @oo-li

1K notes · View notes

chiskz · 6 months

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[ ▶️ ] Stray Kids [INTRO "樂-STAR"]

↬ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

Chichi is wearing a very loose pale pink sweater, Timberland boots of the same color and wide denim pants. Her hair is tied in a very small ponytail. She is sitting on a high stool set up in a training room, which is semi-dark.

❝ We are back with a new album and new energy. I think both we and STAY have been waiting for something like this.❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

❝ As you can see, I am in our training room, the place where it is easiest to find me at any time of the day as well as night.❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

❝ This year has really brought us a lot of good things, mainly a lot of new opportunities to grow and show again that we have our own style. I feel that we are maturing as artists, more and more with each new song. It's a great feeling to be able to blossom at any time of the year. ❞

↬ 𝐋𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐋𝐀

❝ Ah, choreography? ❞

Chichi laughs briefly, sitting down a little more comfortably.

❝ This song was supposed to be as a b-side for 5-STAR album, so I had heard it much earlier. So I had a good part of the choreography laid already in my head, so putting it together into a coherent whole went quite smoothly, so we had a lot of time to learn and practice it. I'm proud of it. ❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

❝ Referring to rock-star, I also included the headbanging associated with that concept, but in our style, somewhat reminiscent of the head movement from God's Menu. ❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Lee Know: ❝ The moves are really big too. [...] "They're giving it their all", that's how the final chorus feels like. Everytime I listen to a song I can picture the choreography in my head and how I want to feel. When I listened to this song and then Chichi showed us the choreography I was like... Wow. She really did bring out the song's full potential. ❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

❝ This time there were many dancers with us. I wondered how I would lead them, but both they and my Kids and JYP ent. put all their trust in me. I couldn't let them down. In college, large groups of dancers were my specialty, but to be honest, I was still scared. It was really a big responsibility. Fortunately, we understood each other very well and the cooperation went smoothly. ❞

↬ 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐗

❝ "Embracing all my scars and imperfections, turn the tide. All my cons are my pros now." I love this song. I think that even at this stage of life, where I'm already an adult, I can say that I still struggle with complexes. This song is a good way to deal with them, it's about turning something we think is our weakness into a strength, because we are really the only ones who can give it to ourselves. We are our ally, the only one we are sure will stay with us forever. That is why it is so important to build a healthy relationship with yourself.❞

↬ 𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄

❝ Ah, Cover Me! ❞

Chichi laughs and wraps her arms around herself.

❝ At the very sound of the title I got shivers... A wonderful song. It has a huge, huge value for me. It is quite a milestone for me as a vocalist, because Hyunjin proposed me as the voice for the second high note, next to Seungmin. It was a great honor for me, and it filled my heart with pride that I was really developing, that someone else saw it too. That I didn't make this up... I was really moved. ❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chichi sits on the couch with a piece of paper while Seungmin leaves the booth after recording his part. She stands up nervously and looks at Chan, then laughs nervously.

"It's me now!"

She goes inside, puts on her headphones and puts down the piece of paper. Chan gives her final instructions, after which Chi proceeds to sing her high note.

Chan stops the recording and corrects her cap.

"And I think we're good here too."

Chichi pulls off her headphones and blinks several times.

"Really?"

"It was great."

Confirmed Seungmin standing behind Chan sitting in the chair. The leader turned on the already joined lines of Seungmin and Chichi to show them how it went.

"I really got shivers..."

↬ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

❝ With each new album, each new song or choreography, we try to raise the bar even higher. Some will say that we are greedy... Maybe this is indeed the case, but I have the impression that we have always wanted more, because we know that we are capable of more. We just need to create the right conditions for ourselves, create more space to completely spread our wings, which are constantly growing and need more and more of it. I think this is good, because we are always grateful for everything, we want to achieve more, but in return we try to give twice as much. Some people call it the journey to the top, but I think there is no top, because you never reach your full potential. It's the journey that is most valuable in all of this. ❞

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

♡𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @amyysfics , @smh-anon , @neohyxn , @stealanity , @alixnsuperstxr , @juliawritingblog , @rizzshimura , @elizalabs3

#stray kids 9th member #kpop addition #kpop added member #kpop oc #stray kids oc #idol oc #stray kids female oc #stray kids added member #stray kids addition #idol!oc #fake kpop idol #idol!addition

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hausofanya · 4 months

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┈─ 𖧷 HAVE YOUR RAMEN AND CRY IN IT ﹕ THE SPICY RAMEN BREAKDOWN. set after STRAY KIDS survival show. genre, so much feelings. ( talk to me. suffering in silence is futile to growth. ) featuring chan, two bowls of buldak, and a hopeful turn for the better.

two hours. two hours spent encased in a glass box with nothing to show for it but a strained voice and wasted time. she can feel the weight of her own dissatisfaction hanging heavy on her shoulders, gaze dropping to the floor as a hastily shoved on baseball cap obscures her view.

two hours of his wasted time, too. but he’d never say it to her face. he was too nice.

‘you’ve almost got it!’ his voice crackles in through the speakers, and she thinks she nods, or does some kind of head jerk to indicate she heard him. her gaze doesn’t move from the floor. ‘we’re gonna run it back one more time, alright?’

she wonders if he knows about the whispers they get when people think nobody’s listening. about the girl who wasn’t talented enough to debut in a ‘proper group’, so jyp stuck her with the ‘experimental one because he didn’t know what to do with her’. that she knows what people say online about her — attention seeking, crybaby, whore — and that she spends her nights scrolling through forums instead of getting her hours in. the makeup artists are starting to get frustrated with her, she knows, but she can’t stop.

if she really was the ‘golden voice’ of her school, where’s all that talent gone? she sounds like a shattered record lol. my two year old sister can sing better than that. kick her out omg

she probably slept with someone high up to have debuted in that group. and it’s not even like they’re famous anyway so why bother? just seems like a lot of effort going nowhere imo

honestly glad survival shows exist bc u can really see it’s mostly just looks. yeah she’s pretty but that’s all she’s got going for her. most she’ll get is maybe two years and then a flop acting career.

she’d stewed over that last comment for days. even now, where she’s supposed to be improving, she can’t stop thinking about those comments, despite standing on her little soap box mere hours ago when hyunjin had expressed his own uncertainties. she’d sat there and listened and kept her own nasty swirl of fears buried deep enough.

hypocrite. but fake it until you hopefully make it, right?

cléo starts back from the top once more, turned away from the eyes boring into her body on the other side of the glass. trapped, like a caged zoo animal. she’s suddenly glad there aren’t any cameras rolling.

paper clutched in her hands, her voice wavers in the slightest but she’s able to get through most of the lyrics with no trouble. hope crawls a treacherous path from the balls of her feet and up to her heart. arms weak, it snags on any surface it can hold on to; a perfectly pitched riff, a smoothly sung chorus. and just when it finds the light, the end of the song just in reach—

her voice cracks. again, and again, and again.

no matter how many times she insisted on getting that one particular note right, her voice leaves her swiftly without second thought, all her progress depleting. hope trips and tumbles painfully back to the uneven ground. the paper crinkles in her hands, giving way easily from repeating crushing.

cléo takes a shaky breath and blinks back tears of frustration, quickly reaching up to wipe at her eyes under the guise of brushing her hair away from her face. ( she’s not fooling anyone, she knows. ) when she sneaks a look back at outside, she sees no one else in that room but him. her chest cinches painfully.

just as she’s about to try once more, his voice crackles in before she’s able to get a sound out.

‘cléo.’ she hesitates, but turns despite every muscle in her body screaming at her not to.

chan’s expression is unreadable, but she can tell he’s not .. mad. or frustrated, or even pissed. which confuses her because she’s one hundred percent sure he heard every second of her disaster attempt at a recording.

he doesn’t say anything for a moment, staring at her with the same unreadable expression, and her skin itches from being analyzed so closely. her gaze falls back to the floor before her eyes squeeze shut to prevent from crying.

‘are you hungry?’

huh? cléo swallows nervously and tries her best to scale her confusion back, absolutely sure he was going to comment on her lackluster abilities. she’s too late in answering what was probably a rhetorical question anyway.

‘man, i’m starved.’ chan then smiles at her through the glass, her eyes stinging from the warmth radiating through the barrier. ‘i could probably eat a horse at this rate. let’s go eat, yeah? my treat.’

🍜

one convenience-store-and-stray-cat-finding trip later, and cléo finds herself watching in budding amusement as chan tries and fails to act as if his mouth isn’t on fire.

when he’d told her he’d get the two of them whatever she wanted to eat, she’d suggested ramen because it was easy to make and didn’t require a lot of things to cook. besides waiting for the eggs to boil in his tiny little kitchen, the ramen was the best choice of a late night meal.

except .. she hadn’t been clear on how spicy it was. and she paid the price by watching in horror, at first, to see chan’s ears turn bright red — near cartoon-esque — to poorly hidden mirth as he down his second ( third ? ) cup of milk while her bottled water remained unopened.

“you’re trying to kill me, i know it,” chan groans weakly, and scoffs loudly when it makes her stifle a laugh. “you’re laughing. i’m seconds away from my deathbed, and you’re laughing. cléo.”

it’s the mention of her name that finally makes her crack, bursting into a fit of giggles that nearly make her fall over in her chair. it brings tears to her eyes out of how weak her body becomes soon after, unlike the tears and sniffling coming from her companion’s lack of spice tolerance. he puffs out his face in faux anger and it sends her into another round of laughter, clutching her stomach as she pleads for him to stop.

red cheeked but amused by her good mood, chan slowly eases the both of them into amicable conversation, steering clear from her ruined studio session. but the memories coming rolling back in despite his best efforts, and she goes from smiling and laughing to slowly answering with one worded responses, her expression closing shut.

silence hangs in chan’s tiny kitchen. cléo struggles to keep her breathing leveled.

it only takes one look and a gentle toned calling of her name for the first tears to stain her shirt, shoulders hunched up to her ears. her baseball cap long forgotten, she can’t hide from him even if she wanted to. shaking hands still attempting anyway — wiping furiously at tired eyes before his hands slowly pull them away least she hurt herself.

when she looks up at him, trembling nervously, she’s hit with the amount of concern and sadness mixed in his expression. and that’s what hits the final nail in the coffin, her resolve crumbling before she bursts into tears.

chan rubs her back soothingly as it spills out of her without warning, his head resting on top of hers. she tells him about her worst fears, the resentment she held towards herself most of all, and those comments — hundreds of them aimed at her worst moments and badly timed mistakes, magnified by millions. her fingers curl into his shirt as another horrid sob wracks through her entire body, her tears dissolving into the black fabric of his shirt. she feels him stiffen and her throat closes up, prepared for the worst; for him to agree, since he saw firsthand what they were talking about.

instead, he hugs her even tighter, her voice firm despite its soft timbre. “we chose you.” her headache bangs the drum line of a death metal song against her skull. “no matter what, we chose you. they only know what’s edited and served to them on a platter.”

she can feel him smiling without seeing it. “stage fright is normal even if you’ve been singing since you were little. you’re only human after all. and what’s a few bad clips compared to getting the chance to debut? you’ll work hard and do better. i know you will.”

cléo’s chest tightens a bit, but not painfully this time. she allows herself to relax into his hug for as long as she can bear it before she pulls away and awkwardly stares at her lap. “now i feel kind of silly. but, um. thank you for listening.”

“it’s the least i could do when you have clear intent to kill me. one last good deed before i die from heart burn or inflammation or something.”

chan smiles as cléo threatens to swap bowls, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye.

#[ miscellaneous. ]#— 하트 ..#and then cléo practiced and practiced and perfected her versatility to become one of the most respected vocalists in the industry 🫂#fictional idol community #fictional idol oc #fictional idol addition #fictional kpop community #fictional kpop oc #fictional kpop idol #skz 9th member #skz added member #skz addition #skz female addition

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decembermoonskz · 6 months

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+ stray kids : ROCK-STAR (樂-STAR) | my comeback review/thoughts °˖✧

time for another skz comeback hehehehehe i have some thoughts about the mv so i'll jot them down as well but we're talking album first! if you're interested click under the cut >:D

album ;

★ - favorite

:: MEGAVERSE ★

!!!!! okay i love this song so much! it's a great intro!

i was getting a lot of maze of memories vibes ngl

the BEAT DROP THO :00000

i loved seungmin and jeongin's vocals

jisung and hyun's raps were my faves

chris doing the outro >>>>>

already i like it more than lalalala ngl but onto that one

:: LALALALA

the bass is so nasty /pos

i'm happy changbin opens the song hehehe

rap line really popped off fr fr

the pre-chorus is so heavenly 😩 i love it so much

the drop again is soooo good the key changing in the background is so satisfying hehe

HYUNJIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (start of verse 2)

kinda wanted seungmin's part to last a bit longer afterwards

jisung needs to chill /pos

CHRISTOPHERRRRRRRRRRRRRR (pre-chorus 2)

kinda not a fan of the song format this time around but lix saying "oh shit" is so good lol

jisung doing the second chorus start is perfect

CHRISTOPHER FALSETTO IS KILLING ME (I will never get over that ever. you hear me? ever.)

the hype ending reminded me of a yg song highkey (ikon/treasure vibes)

overall good title track solid 8.5/10 for me

:: BLIND SPOT

!!! oh! this is more upbeat than i expected!

jisung vocals!!!! >>>>>

jeongin 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

oh this is so uplifting.. 🥺🥺 heart feeling all warm and shit

OH HELLO THE SYNTH!!! i actually like it those really high synths sometimes bother but not this time

changbin!!! *head bops*

the pre-chorus feels really nice. like it's building up to something so happy and satisfying

the chorus is so cute tho!! 😭

hehehehe chris..... (read: FALSETTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

oh i like the switch up for the last chorus/outro

this one is so cute. very tmt vibes ngl it's so cute

:: COMFLEX ★

👀 oh? (classic skz sirens)

HEY NOW! *starts jamming*

that intro tho was perfect

jeongin!!!!!!!!!!!???????? YOU DON'T GIVE A WHAT????? (are skz saying fuck it when it comes to cursing now LOL fuck yeah)

oh the message is awesome

CHRISTOPER?!?!?!? AYO FUCK YEAH

THE DROP IS SO GOOD!!!

hyunsung you better fuck that rap up

i love the embracing all my scars and imperfections

i knew felix would do the drop intro this time

OH I LOVE THIS SONG

the bridge has such a goof melody tho

vocalracha is killing it

CHRIS I WILL SCREAM (that intro to the drop is so hot i love that for chanlix)

oh i love that one so much

:: Cover Me

omg that first 10 seconds is so peaceful i love it

omg i'm kinda speechless. this song is so beautiful 🥺🥺🥺

my brain is so smooth for this song HAHA

that whole first section was so pretty i felt like i was being carried through it (if that makes sense)

chris has so many falsetto moments in this album and i'm loving it

"the sun will always be there waiting after the rain" damn i'm crying ig

i'm not usually one for ballads but this one hits so nicely

i think it has to do with that electric guitar in the back

hyun!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

SEUNGMIN MAIN VOCAL!!

omg him and chris holding those notes was so satisfying!!!

this is my new fave ballads they have (right next to waiting for us)

what? nooo i don't want it to be over 😭😭 that was so nice

need to see this in concert

:: Leave ★

WHAT IS THIS PERFECT LOFI INTRO???????????????

OMFG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

THE JAZZY LOFI VIBE I'M IN LOVE

changsung serenading with rap somehow i love this

i thought this would be the ballad (i mean it kinda is) but this has more chill than ballad omg

feels like a jisung song

CHRIS PLEASEEEE

the chorus is soooo nice

omg electric guitar again!!! it's so good the way they use it

oooh the second verse with minho is so nice yesssss

hyunjin better stop...

ah i almost that it was over but i was like "there's one more isn't there" lol

CHANGBIN VOCALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FUCK YESSSSSSSSSS ALL I ASK FOR GOD

seungmin backup vocals are so good

that was so nice def a fave

:: Social Path Ft. LiSA (KR Version)

i wasn't sure how they could change much since it's a english predominant song but okay?

i'm very biased and don't like their language switch-ups most of my time but this one is okay

the lyrics sound fluid actually LET'S GO

LiSA vocals (i'm in heaven)

this is literally my dream collab you have no idea

my fave group and one of my fave vocalists ever they did this for me actually

i love the "now or never" melody so much still

i don't have that many thoughts about this one bc i liked this one before

the korean lyrics fit fine since there weren't that many to start with but this is an okay language switch-up imo (this is rare for me so know that's good lol)

:: LALALALA (Rock Version)

OH GUITARS FUCK YES

OMG FUCK YES THIS IS SO GOOD THE DRUMS!!!!

oooooo the pre-chorus is more intense instead of heavenly I LIKE IT

oh the drop feels so different ngl bc of the inst. it makes it feel like a diff song

oh seungmin's part after hyun is better in this version ngl the hits are nice

changsung raps >>>>>>

the guitars are so fucking good

the rock inst. + chris' voice is amazing

OOOOOH THE BRIDGE IS AWESOME SO INTENSE AND HYPE-BUILDING

THE MUSIC DROPPED OUT AND CAME BACK WITH HYUN LET'S GO I LOVE THAT

more caps in this version bc it's so hype

oh the hits with lix's la la la is so satisfying

hehe 24/7- anyway

this feels like this should be the live version (i hope it is)

OH! different outro i liked that outro more i think

overall i like the alterations in this version but i like the og more still

mv/performance ;

so i'll keep it brief on the mv. it's not good for me. i love the color palette (browns and blacks are so so nice for me) but i really don't like it overall. they've had so many better ones imo.

it's just not for me. it kinda tainted my first impression of the song but i like it a lot more after watching music bank (i'm so excited for the studio choom)

it was a bit too frenetic and chaotic for me. it didn't go with the song that well and felt too random (a bus, a pirate ship and clowns? alien cg creatures too? too much and it doesn't go together). the editing for this mv was some of the worst i've seen for a skz mv and that's shocking to me bc they are so well-known for the editing of their mvs but i just really have no words for how messy it felt.

also the way the screen time for the vocal line felt so much more scuffed compared to the rap line tilted me a lot (i barely saw jeongin and chris in the mv and that bummed me out a lot).

overall i won't need to rewatch the mv that much. i am content looking at stayblr's gifs of the mv.

now as for the performance aspects, i really like the choreo and it really feels intense and hype. it's perfect for a concert which is always smth i think about in terms of them.

the chorus choreo is so powerful and i love the pre-chorus stuff it reminds me a bit of back door's pre-chorus choreo. like the vibes and stuff

the outro chorus choreo is so hype and it makes me bop my head as i watch.

tldr: i dislike the mv, but the choreo and energy are great!

final thoughts ;

i'm so happy my boys are back and they definitely did great with this one. is it better than 5-star for me? mmm i don't think so if i were to compare them i still love the 5-star album more. HOWEVER i really think the b-sides are amazing on this album. megaverse and comflex are so amazing and cover me and leave are so nice. i love when skz show their more gentle and softer sides in their songs since they're known for bangers. the mv nearly tainted my whole love for this cb tho so i'm def gonna overlook that. however skz never disappoints with bringing the hype energy and once again they've shown out with this comeback. they definitely made it rock (lol lemme stop). overall out of 10 i think this comeback was an 8/10 bordering 8.5/10 bc i really like the album itself. i can't wait for their next tour i need to see this stuff live >:)

#izzy talks comebacks #stray kids #skz #stray kids comeback #skz comeback #skz rockstar #stray kids rockstar #stray kids lalalala #skz lalalala

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kyungminsbf · 11 months

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updates on each song as i go through the album (this is gonna be long with lots of swearing and words that make no sense)

hall of fame: OH MY GOD?? THE BEGINNING MUSIC?? CHANGBIN'S RAP?? i think i'm actually dying this song is SO FUCKING GOOD. FELIX OH MY FUCKING GOD. INNIE OH MY FUCKING GOD. STRAY KIDS OH MY FUCKING GOD. OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WAY THEY JUST USED THAT MOON LANDING FUCKING THING THIS IS CRAZY. THE HIGH NOTES HOLY SHIT. THE ENDING OH MY FUCK

s-class: literally the soty. seungmin's high notes i'm actually dying. HYUNJINNNNN OH MY GOD. THE SWITCH FROM THE CHORUS TO CHANGBIN AND HAN'S HIP HOP RAP THIS IS NOT OKAY. THE WAY THE "SPEEDING ON SERPANT ROAD" IS QUICKER THAN THE FIRST STOP THEY'RE SO AMAZING. THE SWITCH FROM FELIX TO HYUNJIN IN THE CHORUS GUSNFKAJFJ. YANG JEONGIN OH MY GOD. "I FEEL LIKE THE BRIGHTEST STAR" OH MY FUCK. "WE'RE SPECIAL, YEAH" YEAH SEUNGMIN YOU GUYS ARE SPECIAL AND MAGICAL. "COUNTING STARS-" "FEELING EXTRA" AHAHHAHHHH. I LOVE THE ENDING STOP THIS MADNESS.

item: holy fucking shit this beginning is amazing it's so 8 bit. THIS IS SO CATCHY ACTUALLY SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. "THE STARS IN MY EYES MAKE MY GALAXY" OH MY FUVK. "I'M FEELING BLESSED" I FEEL BLESSED JUST LISTENING TO THIS. THIS CHORUS I ACTUALLY CANNOT HANDLE THIS. HAN'S RAP I CANNOT RIGHT NOW. "STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM LINE MADE IT MINE" OH MY FUCK. THE WAY THEY SAY ITEM IN THE CHORUS OH MY FUCKING GOD ITSYSO SATISFYING. "SORRY BUT THERE'S NO DAMAGE" KIM SEUNGMIN OH MY GOD. "THERE IS MY ITEM" FELIX OHHH MYYY HOODDDD.

super bowl: i already love the beginning it's so whajfkaksjak. the beginning made me giggle i'm not gonna lie 😭 "KEEP YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF ME" HELP ME THIS IS AMAZING. THE WHISPERING??? FELIX'S DEEP WHISPER I CANNOT. THE SWITCH FROM WHISPERING TO TALKING OH MY GOD. THE "SHH" AND BACK TO WHISPERING THIS IS NOT OKAY. STOP IS THIS ALL IN ENGLISH OR AM I DUMB?? I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND YET IS THIS ALL IN ENGLISH?? I LOVE THE MICHELIN PART. SEUNGMIN AND JEONGIN'S PART IN THE BRIDGE STOP THIS THEY SOUND SO GOOD TOGETHER THIS IS NOT OKAY. THE WHISPERINGGGGHH. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS SONG IT'S SO GOOD STOP THIS. THE ENDING WITH THE WHISPERING THIS IS NOT OKAY.

topline: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. AHSHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS NOT OKAY. YHEBJSJSAJ I CANNOT THE RAPPING I CAN'T. "THEY CAN'T PASS ME I'M THE RED LIGHT" AJDJAJF. THE TEASING WHEN THEY ALMOST SAY FUCK THIS IS NOT OKAY CHAN STOP IT. "BOM DIGI DIGI BOM BOM BOM BOM!!!" HELLO TIGER JK'S PART???????????? "JUST SING ALONG I'M DANCING ON THE FEELING." UGH I'M GONNA JUST SAY FUCK AT THIS POINT. LET CHAN SAY FUCK!!! "TOP. LINE. TOPLINE. BOM DIGI DIGI BOM BOM BOM BOM." "WE'RE THE TOPLINE." THE ENDINGNFNAJFHAJ

dlc: WE'RE ONLY GOING TO DANCE LIKE CRAZY!!!! 🕺🕺🕺🕺 LET'S GO CRAZY UNTIL THE SUNRISE!!!!!! 🕺🕺🕺🕺 this song is so fun i love this sm. THE LAS I CANNOT. "IT'S JUST THAT I LIKE IT LALALALALA" "LET'S DANCE LIKE CRAZY!!!" THE SWITCH FROM JEONGIN TO FELIX THIS IS NOT OKAY THEY WORK SO WELL TOGETHER. THE MUSIC IS SO FUN I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. THE BRIDGE WITH FELIX AND SEUNGMIN AHAHAHHHHH. OH MY GOD THIS SONG IS HEAVENLY I LOVE IT SO MUCH. "3 2 1 LET'S GO!" "GOT ME FEELING LIKE LALALALA!" JEONGIN ENDING THE SONG SO REAL!!!!

get lit: FELIX????? "HEY HEY HEY. HEY HEY WOAH." OH MY GOD SEUNGMIN AND JEONGIN STOP THIS MADNESS. LINO RIGHT AFTER AND THEN CHAN WHAT IS HAPPENING THIS IS INSANE. "WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE YOUNG!" SCREAM IT TO THE ROOFTOPS!!! "swerve swerve swerve hey" AHDJAJFJ. LINO AND THEN SEUNGMIN AND THEN CHAN AND THEN JEONGIN OH MY FUCKING SHIT. I LOVE THIS SONG SO FUCKING MUCH THE MUSIC IS SO CATCHY. the snapping during the beginning of the bridge oh my god and then the switch to binnie and han "AY LET'S GO" LET'S FUCKING GO HAN. THE ENDING AHHHH I'M IN LOVE

collision: oh my god are those trumpets i love this already. this is strangely calm for a song called collision 🤨🤨 the rap is so satisfying though i love this so very much wowowowowow. VOCALRACHA CHORUS PART YESSS!!!! CHRISTOPHER BANG CHAN OH MY GOD. these raps are actually taking me out you do not understand. STILL NOT OVER THE VOCALRACHA CHORUS PART IN THE BEGINNING. OH MY GOD DOUBLE I.N CHORUS PART OR IS MY BRAIN PLAYING TRICKS ON ME?? THE FADE OUT I'M IN LOVEEE

fnf: stop i was about to say "the music is so nice" and then it's just "i see the ashes up in the sky" LIKE CHAN PLEASE 😭 god i love vocalracha. THIS SONG IS SO UPBEAT BUT I ALSO WANT TO CRY MY EYES OUT THIS IS NOT OKAY. STOP IT THESE LYRICS ARE SO SAD BUT THE MUSIC IS SO HAPPY THIS IS NOT OKAY THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE STOP IT. JEONGIN'S HIGH NOTE?? "I'M CATCHING U-U-U-U-U-U-U-UP" UGH IBLOVE THAT PART. god this song is so sad but so happy. THE CUTOFF AT THE END STOP I LOVE THAG

youtiful: what if i cried to this. stop i can't even make any comments it's so beautiful and i'm literally crying this is so sad and inspiring and i cannot. "i see the universe in your eyes" 🥹🥹🥹 "you are a miracle, a miracle. you are youuuuutifuuuuuul" jeongin don't make me cry even more 😭🫰 "don't you ever tell yourself that you're not enough" i can not handle this oh my god. the high note oh my god this makes me so sad. jeongin's backup vocals i'm literally sobbing my eyes out. this song was so sweet

the sound (korean ver.): the way it still slaps oh my god. usually korean versions sound a little weird but this one is SO GOOD. they changed the chorus though and that sounds weird but BESIDES THAT- it's still good. i'm gonna miss hearing "THIS IS THE SOUND" during the chorus 💔💔 bht kts okah this song still slaps. missing some of the english lyrics they had to take out bjt it's okay because this song is still so fucking good. i'm still emotional from youtiful though

mixtape : time out: i literally love this song so much. "1 2 3 LET'S GO!!" YES I WILL FOLLOW ANYWHERE. "I CAN FEEL IT IN MY HEART" "HEY!! NOBODY CAN TOUCH ME!!" god this song makes me so happy 🥹🥹 "RUN TO! (RUN TO)!" "time out! (2 3 4!)" "go, let the stress fly away. don't worry 'bout tomorrow so we'll just have some fun right now" yes felix 🙏 THE FIREWORKS AND LAUGHING GOD I LOVE THIS SONG. "TIME OUT!" god i love this song so much

#stray kids #skz #5 star #5-star #five star #i hope someone appreciates my ranting and if nobody did then that's okay #anyways i love this album so much i can't wait for my albums to come in

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kpodcast · 7 months

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"I Just Make it Easy"

Somehow, "Easy" has remained the Stray Kids song with the most 5's in our ranking survey and we're all wondering one thing... How?

Not to say the song doesn't deserve it, because "Easy" is an excellent song, but what about it gives it statistically a higher average than literally everything else?

While we can't give a reason for this, we can look at the song from an objective standpoint and see what is happening within the music.

First, as always, the construction of the song.

This song's format is pretty easy to follow.

0:00 Intro

0:06 Verse 1 - This has Han's and Hyunjin's rap, as well as a little Felix at the end.

0:33 prechorus - Starts with I.N and ends with Lee Know and the iconic line "I just make it easy"

0:47 chorus - Starts immediately with "DA DA DA" before Chan and Seungmin take this chorus away with "I make you say wow". This first half of the chorus has more movement in the melody line.

1:00 chorus pt.2 - "Come and watch me now" Lee Know and Han, really cementing the "It's so easy" especially with the simple melody.

1:13 Verse 2 - Hyunjin and Changbin's rap, which starts pretty melodic and ends with Changbin just flexing his skills.

1:27 Felix low bit - "엎고 놀래 엄마 몰래 다 엎고 놀래 모두 놀래"

1:34 Verse 2 cont. - Changbin finishing what he started and just giving an amazing rap to finish off the verse.

1:42 prechorus - Again with I.N and Lee Know

1:53 chorus - Seungmin and Chan again, but they switched from the last time.

2:06 chorus pt. 2 - Lee Know and Han again

2:21 bridge - All Seungmin, with some excellent harmonies.

2:33 (instrumental)

2:40 Felix low bit - that hook again

2:45 DA DA DA DA into chorus pt. 2 “come and watch me now” - I.N and Chan

Again, it's a pretty simple formula for a song. The verses are similar, the chorus and prechorus are identical, which makes for very easy listening. The most interesting part is Felix's low bit. It happens twice, once in the middle of verse 2, and once before the final chorus. It is its own piece, and becomes sort of a hook/refrain for the song.

Second, the musical elements

Immediately, the instrumentation is so simple and easy. Throughout the verses and into the chorus there is very little variation. Coming from last week, this is in direct contrast with "God's Menu" where the instrumentation had lots of variation in each section.

There's a lot more happening in the instrumental of "Easy" than meets the eye (the ear?), allowing the verses and chorus to be a little more simple. The verses (like "God's Menu") are all raps, but these raps are different; they're fast and crisp and rely less on being melodic. The prechorus and chorus have a simple melody. I think the most diversity we get in the melody is during Seungmin's bridge. Because these vocals are simple, the complex instrumentation doesn't detract/distract from the melody.

There's this little 5 note melody in the music that is very prevalent in the chorus underneath the vocals and a similar melody underneath the verses. They're in a high register and a minor key, adding a haunting quality to it.

Speaking of minor keys, the very beginning of "Easy" is a simple minor scale which sets up the tone/vibe for the entire song. But the scale ends on the leading tone (note 7 of the scale) with no immediate resolution. It gives a feeling of anticipation, of waiting for that last note to drop. In the case of "Easy", the leading tone drops into the verse without its natural conclusion.

Third, a general ~vibe~

Last week, we talked about lyrics, but "Easy" isn't complex (pun intended?). It talks about how "I make it look so easy" and that Stray Kids aren't going to stop doing what they love. Even though it's one of their quieter songs (especially compared to "God's Menu" which is the title track of the same album) it has the same confidence and certainty the rest of their music carries, with a similar message.

With "Easy" being a b-side, there's a sense of Stray Kids stretching their talents and expanding their musicality. There are additional vocal talents beside I.N, Seungmin and Bang Chan (Lee Know sings a lot of the chorus). Changbin and Han both show off their technical skills in rapping here, with their speed and crispness. Felix's repeated hook has a melody to it and the deep register of his voice isn't used as a simple shock factor.

All in all, it's a chill song. It's easy listening and with a simple melody, but does not forgo Stray Kids's style or flair.

If you rated "Easy" as a 5, please feel free to reply or send an ask to tell us why!

#stray kids #skz #song breakdown

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 1 year

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Thank god the first day of MAMA was a lot better than the entire MMA ceremony. Way less VCRs and dance breaks, better sound. I also much prefer the artists.

But what was up with that collab stage (the one where the rookie groups covered each other)? It was so weak. Each member barely danced. The Cheer Up stage was considerably better. At least there was a vocal cover as well and the song fit all groups. Lily ate, no surprise. NMIXX are so vocally superior, there's no comparison.

I also wish we could have heard the artists better. A lot of them were singing live. Hyolyn was singing her heart out and we could barely hear her sometimes. Her Layin' Low performance was great though.

I couldn't hear BIBI during Vengeance. I think she sings very softly so her voice just couldn't be heard over the backing track unless she did adlibs (like her cool yell).

BIBI and Hyolyn's collab stage was good. It didn't really play into BIBI's skills but she did well. Hyolyn sang and that was enough for me (tbh, I only heard her in the beginning). BIBI also sang, but it was more rapping. The idols' shocked faces during their stage though lmao.

Hybe seriously needs to step up its game. TXT and Enhypen always get the same type of dance breaks - in the beginning or middle of the song, always the same style of choreo (with members dancing in pairs, the best dancer having a solo, and plenty of backup dancers). It's a bit like what BTS used to do in Fake Love era, but with longer and less interesting choreos and worse execution. As for Le Sserafim, no live singing, generic dance breaks always placed either before the song or before the last chorus - I was bored and didn't even see the whole performance. Oh, but it was great that TXT sang live. Hybe may have the strongest dancers, but outside of BTS, and probably Seventeen, they don't have the greatest performers.

Compare the groups who performed to NMIXX and Stray Kids. NMIXX had two cool remixes of their songs, a short dance break before O.O, and then dance breaks during the bridges that were actually hype and fit the song. The members danced with energy and sang live although sadly you could barely hear them (I could hear Sullyoon the best, but could barely hear Lily's high note...). They're exciting performers. Their performances were different from music show performances and they sang and danced with gusto. JYPE really knows how to put on a good show. They didn't have many props or dancers, but just the members, good remixes and choreos were enough. I enjoyed their performance a lot. Honestly, they never miss. NMIXX and STAYC are my favorite 4th gen gg performers.

Now, Stray Kids... Best 4th gen boy group to me. 3RACHA always deliver vocals, but I could hear all or most of them (Hyunjin in particular during Venom). They looked amazing too - the outfits and hair. Felix especially looked great. Their performance was so hype. Even their VCRs were interesting and unique. The stage looked amazing during Venom, with the green spider and smoke. Felix in that tube in Maniac was epic. Again, great remixes, typical of JYPE. They cleverly changed the choreo a bit too to fit the remixes and the overall performance. Their stage was excellent, fantastic, so hype. No wonder they are blowing up. It's deserved. They're the only group even comparable to BTS on stage imo. They have great energy and passion. Honestly, epic, epic stage. Every time they perform they show everyone else up. It was like this at last year's MAMA too, but this year was better because the live singing was so much more prominent.

I didn't watch the other performers because I didn't really know who they were.

Anyway, JYPE always shows everyone up. It's not enough to add exhausting dance breaks and VCRs. Those need to fit the performance and tell a story too. Also, changing the songs and choreos is important, otherwise it's just a normal stage with a dance break.

#mama 2022 #nmixx #stray kids #le sserafim #txt #hyolyn #bibi

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briankang · 1 year

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also hi i finally DID listen to all the solo songs yesterday so my brief thoughts breakdown per song

connected - i said it before but love island ass track. this is playing on some mtv reality show as an insert song. this is so clearly a culmination of every type of song chris likes (songs that sound like 2013-2016 specifically) lyrics wise it made me giggle out loud. he’s so goofy. she’s fun! i won’t be going back to her often though. sorry to my mans but i simply must pull him out of the past lskdjglksdk

limbo - sorry this is the best song of the 8. lee minho only songwriter only singer only man ever. what the fuck. why is this SO GOOD. the mellow verses into that MUCH BIGGER chorus? i need more. i had this on repeat to go to bed last night. lee minho i have feelings for u.

doodle - the first time i heard that screechy ass sample i whitemanblinking.gif’d but got used to it. this is so. so very changbin. his raps are good and i love the way he speeds the fuck up in the bridge. my life’s like a doodle or whatever. i like her hehe

love untold - i wanted to like this more than i did but i still liked her. u know what i mean. we’ve rlly gotten so much from hyunjin this past year i think this just didn’t hit as hard as some of his other stuff, but this is so. so classically hyunjin. pisces ass (affectionate).

run - why the fuck haven’t you guys been talking about this song. am i the only run liker here. this is so classically jisung and i think the instrumental is so simple yet bouncy and paired with jisung’s pathetic lyrics i was ALL OVER THIS? i too want to run from the world bestie. let’s go.

deep end - lee felix i am in your walls. personally this hit me the hardest lyrics wise like in specific way and it hurt my feelings so i simply need to fight felix for that on this end but on an actual note. this is soooo. getting to hear him stretch himself and experiement and try new things is so fun. i love hearing felix sing. i was sooooo surprised to hear this from him in the best way possible. this also sounds sooooo much like the music he loves. when he mentioned sam kim’s ‘love me like that’ on bubble in reference to this i understood immediately. felix my beloved.

stars and raindrops - i love day6 (affectionate) (obviously. look at my url). this is. so. so fucking seungmin. this WAS his day6 audition. i looooove this song. she’s my second favorite. the high note he holds for fucking ever in the outro of the song made me YELL when i first heard it THAT’S MY SINGER!!!!!! that’s my kim seungmin!!!!!!!! anyways someone should tell studio j about this i think he’d be a great addition :)

hug me- i could v literally not stop smiling and giggling listening to this it’s so. fucking cute. yang jeongin my sweetest boy ever. i know i can put this on whenever and be in a good mood. this song makes me feel like when i heard ‘can’t stop’ for the first time. i need to hear more from jeongin this was so up my alley i loved loved loved this. truly songs for better days <3

overall if i had to rank themmmmm (just for fun NONE OF THEM ARE BAD. however someone has to be in the bottom):

limbo

stars and raindrops

hug me

run

doodle

deep end

connected

love untold

anyways thank u for coming to my TEDtalk

#tay talks

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skzingitup · 2 years

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ALBUM REVIEW TIME 👹

Today we are reviewing one of my fave kpop group’s new album MAXIDENT by Stray Kids with the title track Case 143

I just wanna say how I’m so proud of these dudes, they write and produce their own music and their skills get stronger with every release 🫶🏻 anyway on to the review

Case 143 - 7/10 - it’s definitely interesting. I was worried i wasn’t gonna like it all that much based on the snippet on tik tok but it’s much better within the context of the whole song. This song does what they set up in the previous release Maniac and improves upon it. Although the first section of the chorus is jarring, its a huge ear worm and im addicted to it. If Stray Kids were going to do a love song this is exactly how i expected them to do it 😭 (also give the music video a watch you won’t regret it, it’s quite funny, felix gets slapped by a cooked chicken 😀)

Chill - 8/10 - a song written and composed by our Hannie!! His songs are always so nice!! This is a cool jazzy style r&b song. It takes some similarities from lofi music too and some classic hip hop beats and overall its so good. Han’s solo written and composed songs have only improved since debut and i love it so much!!

Give me your TMI - 9/10 - This one is for all my living tombstone fans and fnaf fans!! The crunchy instrumental is everything and the drop into the chorus is so interesting. Also when Changbin starts the song with a strong rap that seems like complete nonsense, you know the songs gonna hit!! But yeah keeping up with hip hop sounds, the incorporate crunchy edm and alternative rock style sounds too and it just makes this song so funky I love it!!

SUPER BOARD - 6/10 - where do i start with this song… the intro itches my brain so hard. The “nada da shooom super board” gets stuck in your head so badly 😭 the song leans into a more rock style but instead of an electric guitar riff, you get these synth sounds and it adds that retro flare to the song. Although the repetition of nada da shoom super board can get a bit annoying and lessens the replay-ability of the song for me

3RACHA (Bangchan, Changbin, Han) - 5/10 - this is well and truly a Drill song. Like this is something straight out of the streets of south london. The raps of our producing unit are satisfying to my ears however this style of music just isn’t my personal taste and i don’t think i would listen to it often. Not a bad song tho ✨also ik chan is australian but im claiming changbin and han as honorary brits for this song

TASTE (Hyunjin, Felix, Lee Know) - 8.5/10 - when Hyunjin described this song as a cold version of red lights he wasn’t wrong. They need to keep this man in the studio his brain is amazing. 4th member of 3racha?? Perhaps. Whenever you put Danceracha (this unit) in the studio expect a hoe anthem honestly. I’m very proud of how Hyunjin and Felix’s vocals have improved. Lee Know really gets to use his more powerful vocals and that makes me so happy!! Also the drop in this song is insane. Listening to it isn’t enough i need it shot into my veins 😭

Can’t Stop (Seungmin, I.N) - 7/10 - my vocalracha 🫶🏻 this is a pop rock style song. They worked with one of day6’s producers for this track which you can tell!! But it suits them so much!! Seungmin and innie’s voices are so lovely the drums and guitars are so strong. You will absolutely catch me dancing about to this song 😭 however i will say that the mixing between the vocals and the instrumental feels a bit off. Idk how to explain it. Also they cut off Seungmin’s high note, gonna sob.

Circus (Korean version) - 8/10 - This was the title track for their lastest Japanese mini album so i’ve heard if before. Its a bop. But I will say i think the korean version flows a lot better between the english lines and the korean ones. Where as the Japanese version felt a little too sharp?? But yeah Circus would slay is every language if we’re honest

Anyways, Maxident Album of the year. Also is you ever wanna talk to me about Stray Kids pls send me an ask, I love these dudes so much 😭🫶🏻

#emi reviews albums #kpop #stray kids #maxident

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silviatheorbit · 7 months

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Loossemble Album Review

And it's finally out! The album as a whole is a 9/10.

Track 1: Intro: Searching for their Friends 7/10

The beginning was so dramatic and I loved it! It incorporated a lot of elements of the "loona sound" and sounded distinctly familiar. They really did a good job of making it sound familiar while also being fresh.

Track 2 (title track): Sensitive 8/10

The chorus has been stuck on my head for days now lol. The whole song is really catchy and the girls absolutely slayed the high notes. I'm so glad that the members of loona with the usually most minor lines got to show more of what they could do! I will say, that the 2nd verse isn't my favorite, it doesn't have any natural rhythm and I think it's that trend these days in K-pop of "talk-rapping". Besides that, I loved every other part of the song. It definitely deserved being the title track.

Track 3: Real World 7/10

The beginning definitely threw me off because the vibes changed so fast. But I definitely liked this song, I do think it could have been better if the chorus was just as explosive as the rest of the song. The chorus is currently my least favorite part. Also, it sounds like a Red Velvet song for some reason? I can't point out why. Anyway, it was a solid track but could have been better.

Track 4: Colouring 9/10

This song definitely gives loona vibes, and I love it. It sounds like it could be on the XX album along with Colors. It's a chill song with a good melody and overall a really good track. Nothing much more to say, there's nothing about this song I would change.

Track 5: Newtopia 10/10

You don't understand how much I love this song. It really embodies its title, sounding fresh and new without being in-your-face bright like Real World (the only way I can explain it lol). It just gives me a boost of serotonin every time I hear it. If happiness and contentness could be personified into a song, it would be this one. The instrumental in the bridge is just *chef's kiss*! It's super catchy too, and honestly could have been the title track if Sensitive wasn't so good.

Track 6: Strawberry Soda 1,000,0000/10

This is the best song of the album for me. It's super catchy, has a relaxing vibe, a beautiful instrumental, and amazing lyrics (courtesy of Yves!). It really reminds me of Love Me Like by Odd Eye Circle (it's almost like they were from the same group....ok I'll shut up now). Love Me Like was also my favorite track from OEC's album, so I think I just like songs like Strawberry Soda. I'd also like to call attention to the lyrics of the chorus which are really sweet:

That moment we'll dive into the bright red sky The magic starts, as for mood, feel so high It spreads sweeter, sometimes sour Don't know what it is, but Like strawberry soda It's time to dream, alright?

Track 7: Day By Day 10/10

I was taken off guard because strawberry soda came before this and the vibes are totally different. But this song is so good. I tend to find emotional songs boring, but not this one. Adding the rock elements made it so interesting, also knowing Hyunjin wrote the song's lyrics. It just adds that extra layer. This was a really good song to end the album with. Also, may I mention Hyeju's high note???? Those "who's gonna sing" people are going to have a fit after listening to that. I even heard some "orbits" joke about Loossemble asking Chuu for help recording songs. Honestly, those people are so annoying. Anyway, this song definitely passed with flying colors on making me cry. Even more when I watched them perform it on their tour.

Just remember that Hyunjin wrote these lyrics:

Believe, I believe forever We will be one

And on that note, have a great day! Stan Loossemble!

#loona #loossemble #hyeju #gowon #yeojin #kim hyunjin #hyunjin #odd eye circle #sensitive #music #kpop #song review #album review

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jukain4216 · 9 months

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I just listened to Insomnia by Stray Kids for the first time (it came up on a playlist while I was reading) and I think it replaced Young Wings as my favourite song from them.

Disclaimer: I'm referring to the 2021 rerecording and not the original ot9 version. I got into skz after Woojin left and I'm not used to hearing his voice on songs so i generally stick to the skz2020/2021 versions, although I do listen to the originals from time to time and prefer a few of those songs to the newer versions (Young Wings definitely hits different with his voice in it regardless of how familiar I am with it). That being said I'll probably listen to the original some time soon since this is a very vocal based song and Woojin definitely owned those kinds of songs.

Okay first of all everybody but Felix sings (poor guy I really love his singing but at least he sings in their later songs and he still pulls off the rap)?? Han Jisung flexing his godly upper range?? I know that's expected at this point but it's still a treat to hear. I love how he brings you back out of the trance Chan puts you in at the start of the chorus (more on that later). Hyunjin going for that soft mellow tone he does best?? When I first got into Stray Kids his singing voice was one of my favourites (blame Red Lights) and this was definitely one of his best, especially his part in the bridge. Also when Hyunjin starts a song you know it's going to be good. CHANGBIN?? HELP?? WHY DOESN'T HE SING MORE OFTEN?? He has this nice warm tone and it's so relaxing. It sounds so different from his aggressive rapping voice and while he doesn't get many lines he still works well with what he's given.

And holy fuck the vocal line didn't come to play. 2021 was when Jeongin and Lee Know really start to step up, especially with I.N's high note in the bridge like?? That sounds like it might've been Woojin's line originally but I'm glad they gave it to him because holy shit he pulled it off. That was peak I.N right there and I really underestimated his vocals 😭. This was the same boy who got zero singing parts in District 9 and look at him now. Lee Know as well, he really went from JYP's punching bag in the survival show to carrying the chorus. Even without his signature falsettos he's still serving. I especially loved his part in the prechorus where he just bounces off of Seungmin. There's something about the contrast between Lee Know's higher more airy tone and Seungmin's deeper voice that makes my brain go fuzzy. Speaking of Seungmin, of course he needed to flex his honey vocals in the prechorus. This may not have been the "Look I'm the main vocalist bitch" moment that Young Wings or Secret Secret were but he owns it nonetheless. AND BANG FUCKING CHAN WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WAS THAT. THAT "I can't sleep" SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN AS HAUNTING AS IT WAS. Of course this man would own the song he wrote about his own insomnia because why wouldn't he. That "I can't sleep" was every bit as powerful as it needed to be and really pulled you into the chorus. If I had to loop one part of that song for the rest of my life it would be that one line because it is just THAT GOOD.

Overall 11/10 I fucking love this song

#skz #disclaimer i am not a trained vocalist so idk what terms i'm using and if they're correct #apologies for this wall of text but i am in love with this song #seriously i need to listen to more of their old stuff i think might prefer it to their newer songs

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bangbaby · 2 years

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##KINGDOM (FIELD DAY) !

FORMAT: dot point fic

PAIRING/S: lucy and the boys ( skz )

GENRE: idol, fluff, humour

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

WARNINGS: implied romance, swearing, alpha female energy, reverse harem

where mnet and the general public believe a girl can’t compete in “a man’s game”, but are proved wrong.

— a summary

LUCY: little pigs? don’t make me bust your kneecaps!

##SPRING TRACK MEET !

a day of fun for the groups participating in kingdom: legendary war that doesn’t necessarily require gruelling rehearsals (aka the idol crossover episode everyone wanted and much preferred over a dumb competition).

note: i don’t have access to the whole episode so i might have missed a lot and events may be out of order, apologies!

the agu (i9)!

sf9 - white, ikon - red, the boyz - yellow

mayfly!

btob - blue, ateez - green, stray kids - pink

yeah, stray kids really said fuck the patriarchy— pink is gender-neutral!

now, you would think mnet would request lucy to sit out and simply act as supporting mc for the day— to which they absolutely did, but she refused immediately.

not just because she’d hate to split the duo that is lovey & dovey (changbin and wooyoung from ateez), but she wants to play games too!

sure, she’ll be against boys at least a head taller than her— but what were they going to do? most of them wouldn’t even dare stand a metre within her vicinity in fears of starting a scandal. lucy’s gender is basically her superpower at this point in the show.

i.n and eric reading the oath out together is just the sweetest though. at least kingdom and fans can agree on one thing: and that’s maknaes on top!

athletes of the kingdom track meet swear under oath as follows— we will ignore the age differences, but not the rules of the game. we will keep in mind that our bodies belong to melody, ikonic, fantasy, the b, stay and atiny; and be careful not to get injured. we will be sociable today and do our best to become close to all of the members. at ease!

not sf9’s average height being a whole ten cm (four inches for you imperial weirdos) taller than stray kids’.

lucy standing at 1.71m (5’7”) makes her as tall as the vaulting horse, which is interesting, to say the least (and 30cm shorter than han jisung, according to myth).

also very shippable with tall boys and smol girls, according to fans. because anyone near her height (like the members) are “just friends”, right?

jokes on them though bc lucy’s totally over how much height differences used to fluster her: little do they know her type now also comes in at 5’7” whose name starts with c and and ends with hristopher bang.

but the kang duo, aka lucy and chani (sf9) had mc’d together (with her twin hyunjin) once upon a time! being a little more than acquaintances, the two cheer for each other despite being on opposing teams.

master minhyuk gives everyone the tip that acceleration and having no fear are the most important factors involved in vault jumping: lucy’s got the latter down— which is a good sign.

*btob cheering like high school students at a football meet for skz*

whilst ateez: it’s the strawberry kids!

the nickname is definitely cute, but lucy isn’t narrowing her eyes at the sun…

dwaekki-challenge! changbin’s the first to jump for the kids: and if you don’t already know the result— let’s just say the boy is absolutely blue-balled by the vaulting horse.

lucy definitely joins the chorus of gasps and oh’s, but god bless those organs of hers are completely internal. again, gender superpower.

I.N faking his jump by hiding behind the vault and all of the kids dragging him off the mat is teamwork at its finest. if everyone replicated this energy during phys ed, maybe the world would be a better place…

lee know, aka six-black-belts: martial arts expert is merely one of the forces to be reckoned with in stray kids. the duality of this man’s athletic ability is no joke, in fact— it’s sexy as hell.

but according to ikon, stray kids are their rivals today— and martial arts doesn’t necessarily contribute vaulting. though they may have a point, the innate flexibility that comes with it helps lee know easily clear the height (to his own surprise).

it definitely gives lucy a kick in her step when groups wanna fight for no good reason. despite how much she admires her ikon oppas, she’ll always be extra protective of her members.

bobby is however an exception, considering the faith he has in his members is non-existent and hilarious.

felix and lucy (who follow lee know) also have a black belt in taekwondo! consider the three of them the martial art kittens!

whilst felix has trained for twelve years, lucy’s trained for half the amount of time (starting at seven years old and stopping when she moved to korea at fourteen/fifteen).

korean vs aussie line: yongbok (noona), hwaiting! let’s go, felix (lucy)!

and as felix makes the first jump/flops like a rag doll, lucy also succeeds but lands up straight like a needle.

she grins and makes a heart with her fingers at the camera like the cheese that she is.

felix and lucy might also be the only two members that can do the splits without difficulty, so their jumps are insanely clean (almost professional-gymnast-worthy).

everyone is amazed! equal cheering energy especially as seungmin, han and chan also all succeed in jumping the vault.

ace member chan just being extra when he crosses his legs mid air (he is definitely not raising a brow at an easily-impressed-but-trying-to-hide-it lucy).

lucy cheers for btob like there’s no tomorrow but is also very amused by eunkwang adjusting the springboard to help him make the jump.

not pretty boy juyeon blowing a cheeky kiss to lucy when he successfully jumps the vault…

no one signed up for this reverse harem composed of almost 40 members, but that’s essentially what the show’s become.

lucy immediately turns her head (with seungmin force-turning her entire body around) but the damage has been done: chan’s competitive dial’s turned to eleven.

though the boyz all make it over the vault, lucy only visibly responds to the adorable changmin making a peace sign at her and kevin twerking for screen time. basically the 98’ liners @ lucy: it’s free real estate.

it’s ateez’ turn to vault! yeosang’s cheater jump (boss level moves honestly) and respectfully-bowing hongjoong after his hip collides with vault earns a giggle from lucy.

hongjoong: 10cm makes a difference!

lee know, felix, jeongin: really?

the look on chan’s face is just— sure it does, because the man’s ego has to be inflated in order to impress his girl.

lucy doesn’t reply to either party but her grin totally says, that’s what she said.

seungmin, han and felix don’t make it to the semi-finals because the vault is just way too high (2m and 20cm) and intimidating, but the 98’ duo: seeknow (lucy and lee know) do!

chan: why are you guys still here?

lee know: i dunno, why am i here?

lucy: we’re just built different,

lee know’s butt unfortunately catches the edge of the vault during his jump and he fails: but lucy and chan rush to him to make sure he’s okay.

lucy, on the other hand, is a fucking monster. the girl can lift her weight and more, which is essentially half of the battle. she clears the monstrous height like the kangaroo that she is, which earns a profound scream from both wooyoung and changbin at the sidelines.

changbin: holy shit! what the hell was that?

wooyoung, who follows lucy also garners the same energy from the mc panel.

lucy hi-fives the boy which makes him all giddy and smiley: the bunny from ilsan truly adores his noona.

and speaking of kangaroos, sulky chan wants a hi-five too!

he clears the vault without any struggle, but is rewarded with an awkward fist bump instead (he really thought she was gonna go in for a five). good stuff!

and that’s the exact moment chan makes the crazy bet he’s out for minhyuk’s vaulting king title. the boy is a lucy-pleaser and everyone on the field can feel it.

minhyuk (to chan): okay, hwaiting, i guess!

the man definitely makes the finals with the others, along with juyeon (the i-9’s only remaining member).

2m and 30cm is the deciding height of the final vault, to which lucy is looking straight up at. she visibly gulps. yeah, no biggie. she knows she doesn’t have the speed for this, but she’ll try because she can.

wooyoung and juyeon are first up! they unfortunately don’t make the height and topple the entire vault down to the mat with them. lucy reassures them it’s okay and praises their amazing skills thus far.

chan: ladies first,

lucy: oh, you’re gonna pull that card now—

but really it’s his excuse not to put pressure on her if/when he succeeds. it’s kind of him, but lucy sees right through it.

stray kids: you can do it!

felix: let’s go!

without the right amount of speed, lucy knows she can’t clear the height. she doesn’t panic (unlike the rest of the boys on the field that think she’s about to hurt herself), rather she knows to intentionally wedge her foot in the vaulting horse and climb on top of it.

she just sighs and shrugs— which is adorable (even when she’s two metres in the air) and still receives plenty of praise and cheer. so close!

chan: you were really close,

lucy: thanks, hot shot. and good luck! just don’t die, okay?

the boy nods obediently, happy that the girl always has her full faith in him.

chan and minhyuk clear 2m and 30cm to fight for 2m and 40cm (basically insanity): to which they tie as vaulting champions.

lucy is endeared when chan reveals that the vault’s height scared him as he approached it, but tries to put his mind at rest by comparing it to the height of a basketball player. you’d have to have superpowers to jump over something taller than yao ming,

chan: i guess that’s true,

also, she’s definitely not afraid to repeat his words (which are really her words she used to tell him back when they were still trainees): small packages come with big surprises!

but the vaulting competition finishes just in time for lunch: fried chicken, the kids’ favourite!

mini game of the day: who is the visual king?

lucy: well, shit— i guess i’m out.

chan: yeah, i’m going home.

lucy (death glare): how dare you?

chan: sorry. but it does say you can vote for yourself.

han: who in their right mind would do that though?

chan and lucy in perfect sync: you.

han: damn, you guys are right.

but he’s not alone: changbin can’t lie so he votes for himself (like the king he is).

seonghwa voting for felix makes me uwu everytime…

the look of absolute betrayal on his hyungs’ faces when i.n tells them he voted for juyeon (i mean, he’s not wrong though).

everyone preparing for themselves to be announced as the winners, but it’s eunkwang (btob) and hyunjae (the boyz) in fourth place, sunwoo (the boyz) in third, felix in second and minhyuk (btob) in first!

not peniel hugging changbin when he loses to felix.

felix and minhyuk finding out they voted for each other is just tooth-rotting stuff. good boy!

but the likely question in everyone’s minds is: who did the girl vote for?

trick question or—? nope, lucy also voted for felix.

and of course she did, he’s her sunshine after all.

lucy (to chan): you voted for felix too, right?

chan: yeah,

but it’s the fattest lie of the century: the boy, without any hesitation, wrote lucy down as the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen (cut wasn’t aired on national tv though, that’s for sure).

the final games for the day are balloon tail and a relay race: lucy is unfortunately forced to opt out of the rough-housing/tackling and doesn’t consider herself a speedy runner (more stamina-based), so she joins changbin on the mc panel during the afternoon.

lucy (referring to herself and changbin): yep, that’s us— the designated cheerleaders.

mc changmin: i thought you guys were the ace members of your team, are you sure you want to be here?

changbin: well, it’s true we’re the ace members. but that’s exactly why we’re here— we want our members to stand out more.

younghoon: that’s how the i-9 will beat you guys though,

lucy (happily): yeah? try us then.

the girl’s definitely got a sense of humour that the general korean public probably hate, but the international fans adore.

anyway, the highlight of lucy’s day is obviously seeing her team go from fifth to second place during the circular relay.

chan running is always a joy to watch: same vibes as watching your first crush compete in the school athletics and win.

the day ends with everyone completely exhausted, but at least everyone had fun as well as created life-lasting bonds/friendships: in other words, fuck mnet and their contests— just give us more collaborations.

[ nav ] [ masterlist ] [ skz ] [ itzy ] ©bangbaby

TAGS: @skz-angel @woopetals @just-some-weird-blog

#kingdom #skitzy #dot point fic #stray kids fic #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids 9th member #stray kids female oc #female oc #idol member #kpop added member #kpop addition #kpop #KAL1 #kiki kreates #variety lucy

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jisungshotfirst · 2 years

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music theory rant about maniac and why it's so cool:

Modal mixture: so basically the different scales that can be played starting on one home note (in this case Ab) using different variations of intervals are called modes. They give the overall feel of the sound and dictate which notes sound "correct" for a phrase. Modal mixture means jumping around these different scales and mixing them together to bring more variation of feel and colour. This is what I will be screaming about in this post because maniac does it so well 😎

What skz have done is basically use different modes in each section and transition between them cleverly so it flows together well despite the fact that if u played every note in this song at once it would be like pressing your whole hand on a piano. I'll be using the note numbers to describe the scales, these numbers go 1, b2, 2, b3 etc up to 7.

These are the modal sections:

Intro, Pre-Chorus, Chorus: Phyrigian Dominant (1 b2 3 4 5 b6 b7). Most people would recognise this mode by saying it sounds middle-eastern. The 3 without it being flattened (b) gives it a major tone but the b2 is dissonant and gives it the darker sound.

Verses: Aeolian (1 2 b3 4 5 b6 b7). This is the natural minor scale it's very common you'd recognise it from many songs.

Bridge: Aeolian (1 2 b3 4 5 b6 b7), Harmonic Minor (1 2 b3 4 5 b6 7), Mixolydian (1 2 3 4 5 6 b7). I will scream about how they mixed all these in a moment

And that is a lot of notes<3 but what they've done is so clever because what all these modes have in common is 1 4 5 and they use them as links

Some cool links:

Intro -> Verse 1: We're going from a melody of 1 b2 3 b7 (Phrygian Dom) in the intro synth to a melody of 1 2 b3 4 5 b7 (Aeolian) when Chan starts singing. So what they've done is play what is common first! 1 4 5. So the synth finishes on 1 and chan sings 1 4 5 before introducing the new 2 b3 to establish the new mode. And Bam we're in the Aeolian mode now! 😎

Verse 1 -> Pre-Chorus: A switcheroo of above! They are moving from Aeolian back into Phrygian Dom so they cut out all the uncommon notes, end it only on 4. The Pre-Chorus picks up the 4 with 1 and then can introduce the b2 and 3 again!

Chorus -> Verse 2: The same deal again, Phrygian Dom to Aeolian but they lead with b7. The common notes between the two modes are 1 4 5 b7 and they've chosen a different note each time to vary it but they do the same job!

Bridge -> Chorus: So the bridge itself moves between modes which is fucking cool and it basically acts as a long link until the chorus. It starts with Aeolian and the goal is to meet back in Phrygian Dom but they take a little detour and build up more tension to release back into the final chorus: multiple times in the song they move between Aeolian and Phrygian Dom by removing all notes except one that is common and immediately switching. This time, though, they 'detour' and through various note additions they move from the two modes: Harmonic minor (1 2 b3 4 5 b6 7) and Mixolydian (1 2 3 4 5 6 b7) act as a bridge. Subtlety they introduce different notes to bridge the gap between the b3 of Aeolian, to the normal 3 of Phrygian Dom. Hyunjin and Jeongin are singing b3, Seungmin begins with b3, moves into the common notes of the modes, then Chan harmonises the "new" notes of the modes all to build up to the climax of the major 1 chord (1 3 5) of Seungmin's high note. All of these notes 1 3 5 are in the Phrygian Dom mode so the chorus can arrive again without removing all but one note as previously!

Chan's Line in the Final Chorus: we have landed back into the chorus after Seungmin's high note, the Phrygian Dom bass line is here playing 1 b2 3 b7. And Chan throws in a b3 !! Coz why the fuck not. He is basically singing a note used in the Aeolian sections of the song (Verse, Bridge) on top of a Phrygian section (Chorus). It's linking the entire song together because this is the first time we've heard them blended instead of separated by sections. And it works! The entire song Works together. It's not just two completely contrasting sections cleverly sewn together to make it feel like one song, it was written deliberately using these modes together and this small blending of them in the last chorus gets that across.

Okay I think that's it 😎 thank you to anyone who made it through that, I sincerely apologise but it was necessary to get all my thoughts out hdjd. If you have any music theory questions please talk to me, once you get the maths involved it is a very cool thing to learn about<3 okay bye now go listen to oddinary shoo shoo

#modal mixture is SO COOL #I love kpop for this ... they do it like no one else<3 #this is kinda the first skz that was so in my face over interesting modes and I love this for them !!!#they are always experimenting with sound and song structure and rhythmically too #and it's so nice to hear them experimenting with modes too!!!#this song is so clever I will never be over it #also I am an amateur at this I do study music but a lot of this is self taught over the years #so if by any chance a music theory genius stumbles upon this pls teach me 🙏#oddinary #stray kids #skz #music theory #maniac #kit rants

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thepixelelf · 4 years

Text

Bluff and Nonsense

SKZ VERSION

Genres: romance, angst, some fluff, university au, not a fake dating au

Pairing: Reader & Hyunjin (Stray Kids)

Words: 17.0k (01:08)

Warnings: cursing, alcohol

Notes: This is the skz version of another fic of mine by the same name so it's not plagiarism pls. If you want to read the original, it’s here.

“Hyunjin? Yeah I know him, you should too. He’s on the uni’s dance crew, and ever since he joined them, their popularity’s skyrocketed. I’ve met him a few times, great guy — got a tendency to run his mouth but hey, no one’s perfect. He’s smart anyways, probably knows how to deal with the consequences, right?”

Hyunjin never thought one bluff could lead to so much nonsense.

Hwang Hyunjin is a man of many talents. He’s the guy who never lost a game of egg roulette, the guy who always knew how to make the social studies teacher talk about his divorce instead of the world wars, and the guy who slammed a lemon-meringue pie in his high school principal’s face. He’s also co-choreographer for the university’s dance crew — you barely knew there was a dance crew until Jisung started raving all about them — as well as a totally well-rounded fine arts major. Seriously, who takes a calculus course in fine arts? Hwang Hyunjin, apparently.

Of his many talents though, lying is not one of them.

Which is why, when asked if he likes anyone, Hyunjin says your name instead of simply saying “no” (a much better option in hindsight). He actually likes a girl on his dance crew. Cute, funny; has those eyes you can just get lost in — lord knows Hyunjin has. But, at this relatively quiet party, with half the guests crowded on Chan’s couch and the other half on the disgusting carpeted floor of his apartment, Hyunjin can’t admit his real crush because she’s sitting just a few feet away.

It wouldn’t be such a bad lie if you weren’t also sitting a few feet away.

You’re on your phone when he says your name in his quickened heartbeat-induced panic, but you look up at the sound of it, as does Jisung, who was also looking at your phone from the beanbag chair you’re both sitting in.

A chorus of low, teasing ‘ooh’s rises throughout the room, almost like it’s eighth grade again and Hyunjin just got called down to the office. Except now, he might actually be in trouble. He gets a few claps on the back from his friends close enough to reach, commending him on his bravado even though he doesn’t deserve it. Really, the whole situation only dawns on Hyunjin after a few seconds, which is a bit too long considering he made the situation in the first place. Blood rushes to his cheeks, not because of the alcohol in his red cup he’s yet to drink, but because you’re looking right at him, and he has no idea what to do.

Hyunjin doesn’t know you very well. In fact, he’d almost say he doesn’t know you at all.

You’re Jisung’s friend from one of his classes — english, if Hyunjin remembers correctly, but he’s not totally confident. The only reason you came tonight is because of Jisung. You don’t know anyone else.

With a tilt of your head, your face scrunches with question, and you look to Jisung for help. You know Hyunjin said your name, but you missed hearing the context. It looks like Jisung missed it too, seeing as the conversation you two have only makes your brow furrow more as the chatter in the room picks back up. Everyone else is already over Hyunjin’s sudden confession when Chan starts talking about something else.

Except Hyunjin’s friends, of course. That would be too easy.

Felix turns to him with a stupidly wide smile, his cheeks red from both the free opportunity to tease his friend and the light beer he’s been sipping and pretending to get buzzed on all night. He nudges Hyunjin with his shoulder where they sit on the floor, leaning in to speak under the conversations surrounding them. “You didn’t tell me you like them,” he says, the jesting tone in his voice clearer than water.

“Yeah…” Hyunjin doesn’t know why he doesn’t just retract his confession. It’s not like Jisung is close to you or anything — he’d understand. But then again, he’s bad at lying, and the girl he likes is still sitting on the couch. He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s sort of a recent thing.”

Felix’s smile only widens further at Hyunjin’s response, his eyes turning to slits with the rise of his cheeks. “Jinnie’s in looove~!”

And Hyunjin doesn’t know what to say. Nothing like this has ever happened to him before, not exactly like this, anyways. So he just looks down; scratches the back of his neck again; looks at one of his dance crew friends when she calls his name.

He doesn’t dare glance your way for the rest of the night.

Turns out you do know someone else other than Jisung. Once most of the guests have cleared out, leaving only half the boys to clean up, Jeongin approaches Hyunjin as he scrubs the sink of whatever that weird green stuff is.

He asks how Hyunjin knows you and says off-handedly that he’s never seen the two of you talk. (Which is right.) He says these things shouldn’t be joked about; that you’re a person with feelings, and Hyunjin should leave you alone if he’s just doing this for comedy’s sake.

Hyunjin thinks he’s never seen Jeongin so serious.

It’s probably fine. You haven’t said anything (good or bad), and other than the occasional tease from his friends, no one has taken anything too far. Maybe you’ll forget about it tomorrow. Maybe he’ll forget about it tomorrow, and it will all be okay.

Besides, it’s not like he actually likes you. His real secret is still safe and sound.

•

Of Hyunjin’s many talents, making people sad is also not one of them.

It’s not that he actively tries to cause misery only to fail, it’s that he can’t stand upsetting anyone. He’s a people-pleaser by nature, that’s just how it is.

So he doesn’t say no when you ask him out for coffee.

And he smiles at you when you try to make conversation, even though it’s awkward and hesitant despite having a mutual friend like Jisung. It’s not so bad, he thinks. You’re trying, at least, and when you ask him about his interests, you actually listen, which isn’t common when he tends to over-explain his love for dance and performance. He has a coffee in his hand too, extra sweet just the way he likes it, so that’s a plus.

You ask him if what he said at the party was true, and something in your eyes makes him say yes.

•

There are a few more coffee dates after that. It’s nothing official, and Hyunjin is hesitant to call the meetups “dates” because he’s not interested in dating you. But it’s a little late for that.

You seem brighter, though, every time he sees you again; he can’t bring himself to take that away, to cut the cord, to clean this mess he made.

Something about the way you two talk is nice, at least. Hyunjin can’t quite put his finger on it, and he tells himself that’s what’s drawing him back every time — not the guilt he feels sunken in his ribcage whenever you smile his way. It’s not that deep, he repeats to himself whenever you wave to him on campus, making him feel obligated to walk you to class. It’s not that deep.

He’s in the library one day when he spots you at one of the tables, books open and spread out as you scribble down notes, a pair of earbuds dangling from your ears. You haven’t seen him, so he doesn’t approach, just ducks back behind the bookshelf he’s been exploring. His hand is on a book he could use for class when a voice stops him.

“You know you’re an idiot, right?”

Minho leans against the opposite bookshelf, his arms crossed, locked and loaded for judgement. Hyunjin looks around, but of course he’s talking to him, they’re the only ones in the row.

“How… how do you want me to answer that?” he asks, unsure of exactly what Minho’s talking about. Yeah, he knows he’s a bit dense sometimes, but not all the time.

Minho rolls his eyes, a smirk on his face. “I know you like Sojung. You haven’t stopped laughing like an idiot at her bad jokes.” He nods his chin outwards, gesturing over Hyunjin’s shoulder and through the bookshelves towards where you’re sitting. “What are you doing messing with Jisung’s friend?”

It’s not too surprising that Minho knows — he’s an intuitive guy, but Hyunjin is still caught off guard. He asks first, under his breath, “Does anyone else know?”

Minho laughs quietly, looking down for a second. “If you mean dumb and dumber, then no,” he says when he looks back up. The dimple in his cheek deepens at the thought of his dance crew mates. “Felix is way too focused on dancing to notice your dumbassery, and Chan is about as observant as a fishcake when it comes to feelings.”

Hyunjin’s shoulder fall in relief, though he didn’t even realize they’d tensed up.

Minho’s smirk vanishes.

“But that’s not the problem here. Why are you playing around with them if you’re into Sojung?”

“I’m not—” Hyunjin pauses, thoughts deliberate, “—I’m not playing around, okay? I just… I don’t know. You were all looking at me, and I couldn’t just say Sojung’s name, she was right there!”

Minho cocks an eyebrow at that. “But you could say theirs?”

“It was a moment of weakness.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I’m aware.”

Hyunjin groans quietly — he’s still in a library after all. He covers his face with both hands, not wanting to look at Minho nor have Minho look at him. For a second, it’s blissful, awkward silence, which Hyunjin would take over Minho’s scolding any day. But of course, no haven lasts forever.

“You’re gonna have to tell them,” Minho says, and he’s probably right. No, he is right, Hyunjin just doesn’t want him to be.

“I can’t do that! I already said I like them — twice!”

“Twice?”

“Twice!”

Minho only drops his head again, scoffing at the whole situation. Hyunjin wishes he could do that too; just laugh it off because it’s someone else’s problem.

“Well, you’re going to have to say something sooner or later.” Meeting his eyes, Hyunjin realizes Minho might actually be worried. About you, or him, or something else, he’s not sure, but past his external nature, the subtle fold of Minho’s eyelids tells Hyunjin this is about more than just calling out idiocy. “And I think sooner will hurt less.”

Hyunjin knows he’s right. But he doesn’t like it.

Before he can come up with a rebuttal, though, Minho’s hands are on Hyunjin’s shoulders, and he’s pushing him out of the row of bookshelves, straight towards your table.

“Just rip the band-aid while you still can,” he whispers in Hyunjin’s ear right before on last push at his back.

Hyunjin stumbles a bit, but once he regains his footing, Minho’s already gone and you’ve already noticed the ruckus. You pull one earbud out with a bright smile. It’s so jovial that Hyunjin almost forgets why he’s here.

“Hi Hyunjin, I didn’t see you come in,” you say, and there’s no way you’re this energized just from studying in a library.

“Uh… hi.”

“You’ve actually got the perfect timing.” Waiving to him, you gesture for him to sit next to you, and he does. You pull out some sort of planner, opening it to a few months from now. “I wanted to ask when exactly your showcase is? Jisung’s no help at all because he only cares about his concerts and stuff. Honestly. There aren’t that many…”

You’re going to have to say something sooner or later.

Hyunjin picks later.

•

“So when are you going to ask them out?”

Seungmin stands in front of the stove, watching his hot water simmer, a bag of dry ramen in one hand and long cooking chopsticks in the other. It’s Hyunjin’s turn to make dinner tonight, but since he says he isn’t hungry, Seungmin’s scrounging it out himself.

Hyunjin, on the other hand, sits at their tiny dinner table, his forehead pressed to the cool surface, arms hanging limp at his sides. He mumbles something of a response, but it’s nothing more than a questioning grunt, if anything at all.

“Oh, you know.” Even when Seungmin says your name, Hyunjin stays still. “Only the person you’ve been on several “dates” with ever since you confessed to them at Chan’s party. When are you going to ask them on a real date?”

Tired, Hyunjin groans. “When the time is right, I guess.”

•

You work on campus. It’s some part-time job you don’t care about enough to even complain over, despite the fact that you have to deal with annoying university kids every day. Hyunjin finds this out when he has coffee with Minho in one of the buildings he doesn’t normally frequent, and only goes to today since Minho has a class nearby in the next hour.

The coffee is bitter, and it’s too expensive, but Hyunjin drinks it anyways. He much prefers the cafe he goes to with you. Because the coffee is better. Obviously.

He hears your voice first, words indiscernible with distance and overshadowed by a much louder, angrier one, but still. Minho sees you first, though, and he points past Hyunjin to the student printing center, where you’re standing behind the counter and arguing with some guy. You don’t seem too riled, but Hyunjin can tell you want to be anywhere but there, especially when the angry guy’s voice keeps getting louder and louder.

Hyunjin’s feet bring him over before his brain can register what to do. You haven’t seen him yet, he could just walk away, but he doesn’t. Your voice becomes clearer as he approaches.

“Listen, the printing center is for education, art, or business. I can’t print this for you.”

The guy goes off about personal freedoms or whatever, Hyunjin isn’t really listening.

“No, I get that this is a student printing center, but I really don’t think your big tiddie anime gf poster has anything to do with education, art, or business.”

And that’s when the guy grabs your arm. Which results in Hyunjin grabbing his arm. Which results in the accusatory question, “What are you, their boyfriend or something?”

Now, in a perfect story, this would be the first time Hyunjin meets you. Or maybe you’ve been close friends for a while. And this would be when Hyunjin says that, yes, he is your boyfriend, and he would save the day. Except you’d be all “why would you do that?” which would result in you both having to fake date to keep that guy off your back. In this perfect story, there would be no Sojung to like and no Minho to judge, just you and Hyunjin fake dating. Eventually, you’d both catch real feelings instead of fake ones, and then boom, happily ever after.

But this isn’t a perfect story.

Hyunjin still says yes, and the guy still backs off. In reality though, because Hyunjin never thinks before he lies, you duck behind the counter and bring a hand up to your face to cover your ever-brightening smile. In reality, Sojung still exists at the forefront of his mind every dance practice, even though you’re the one he just promptly claimed to be the boyfriend of. In reality, Minho watches from a little ways away, sipping his coffee and shaking his head in what can only be called disappointment.

Hyunjin’s never been good at lying. One would think he’d stop by now.

•

So, it’s official.

You’ve put a heart next to his contact name. He’s put one next to yours — red, because he doesn’t know your favourite colour. Jisung’s done the whole if you break my friend’s heart I break you spiel and Hyunjin finally realizes he’s in too deep.

It's almost too natural, how easily you bring him into your life and how easily he finds himself fitting. It's all so wrong.

Hyunjin feels like an imposter, like there's someone meant to be by your side, but it's not him.

You pluck up the courage one day to hold his hand, and he can't pull away because the lies tying him to you are too strong. The small bluffs he's spun have weaved themselves into a net he's tangled himself in.

His dance crew congratulates him when Chan spills the news. It's all mundane, really — dating in university isn't all that uncommon. Mostly, Hyunjin gets casual "you go, dude" comments or the like, but then Sojung says nothing. She smiles, and it has to be one of the most tragically beautiful things Hyunjin's ever seen. His heart fractures, just a little, and he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to fix it.

He smiles it off. Tries to, anyways.

Felix complains that Hyunjin's too harsh that day.

•

Seungmin likes you.

Not in a "Mister Steal Yo' Girl" way, but he laughed at one of your jokes the first time you came over to Hyunjin's apartment, and ever since then, he's been convinced.

"You must feel like the luckiest guy on earth with them around," Seungmin says once you leave for the night.

Hyunjin has no idea how to tell him he's felt nothing but unlucky these past few weeks, so he doesn't.

•

He polishes up on his acting. As awful as it is to think, Hyunjin has gotten really, really good.

His smile looks genuine. It has to — he shows it to Minho, who says it's "adequate," which basically means perfect to the lowly humans beneath him.

He's gotten good at responding to you too, copying how the boys do it in dramas and movies. It's sort of easy.

He hates how easy it is.

Soon enough, you try befriending the whole group. Being Jisung’s friend, you've always wanted to, but apparently this is the push you needed. The boys are quick to warm up to you because, as Hyunjin's new partner, you're now a new teasing target besides Jeongin. The youngest was always the brunt until you came along.

You say you don't mind — that his friends are amazing despite all the jokes and chaos. He believes you.

Minho keeps his distance, saying he doesn't want to get himself involved. He's still the only one to know the truth, and his judging stare only grows worse as the days pass. Hyunjin wants so badly to make it go away, but he knows the only way to do that would be to tell you the truth, and he's just not ready.

Hyunjin's never broken a heart before. He's never planned on it.

Sometimes life makes its own plans.

"My shift was moved to tomorrow," you tell him when he picks you up from class, one hand in his and the other in your pocket. He knows it means something, but he doesn't know what. Your lips purse into a line as you stare at your shoes. “I was thinking... could I come watch your dance practice? If that’s okay?”

Now, Hyunjin loves dancing. He loves dance. He loves to dance. Performing sends an unparalleled thrill rushing through his veins like the solar system hurtling through the universe, and it’s something he’s never felt doing anything else. Dancing with others is a beautiful connection, an emission of silent truths communicated through the body. Practice, however, is the dirty version of dance. It has to be built up first — polished. Which is why Hyunjin says what he says. He doesn’t even think it over.

“No.”

It’s what he says every time someone asks. He doesn’t invite people to practices — never has. Even after his prompt refusal, he doesn’t register his mistake until the light in your eyes wavers. It doesn't disappear — just ripples. Comes back weaker than before.

"Oh," you say. The word should sound dejected but it doesn't. There's a smile at your lips, and Hyunjin can't help but think it looks kind of like his. "That's— that's okay! I was just — I don't know, I guess I just thought... I wanted to..."

Meeting his gaze, you look at him with shaking eyes, almost as if it takes great strength to keep them on his. He tries to backpedal, but you continue.

"I'll be going home then. I've got an assignment due soon anyways, so..." You pull your hand from his grip and, from where you two were walking toward the fine arts building, turn the opposite way. Your dorm is on the other side of campus. "See you tomorrow, Hyunjin. Have fun at practice."

Something about your smile haunts him.

It's hollow; feels empty when you flash it at him before going. He thinks fake smiles all look like that — insincere. His smiles at you must be the same way.

For an awful moment, he's hopeful. Maybe this will be the trigger. Maybe you'll end this tonight — whatever "this" is that Hyunjin has with you. Maybe he won't have to tell any harsh truths at all.

He turns and walks to practice.

The routine feels lighter tonight, though Hyunjin can’t pinpoint why. His body almost floats, and while that sounds good, it’s not. The rhythm is off. He’s not landing when he should be.

His crew notices, especially Felix, who complains that Hyunjin’s too much of a cocksure choreographer to be making repeated mistakes like this. They tell him maybe everyone should take a break. He agrees, but only because he’s frustrated, and he shouldn’t channel his anger into dance. Not this one, at least.

Everyone spreads throughout the studios to the edges, where they lean their bodies on the walls and slide down, water bottles in hand. The room reeks of sweat and feet, but Hyunjin’s used to it by now. He guzzles down half of his water in one go and pulls out his phone.

[❤] Sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to react all... cold? Jisung told me you never invite anyone to practice, so it makes total sense why you said no

[❤] If I’m ever crossing any boundaries, let me know, okay?

Of course you’d be understanding. Hyunjin wouldn’t be that lucky.

He tosses his phone haphazardly in his bag, groaning and throwing his head back so it hits the wall with a dampened thud. The pain is dull compared to the thoughts top-spinning in his mind.

Across the studio, Minho clears his throat, raising an eyebrow at Hyunjin when he opens his eyes to look at him. It only takes two reluctant nods for Minho to understand the source of Hyunjin’s groans, and he does nothing to react but look away. Hyunjin thinks that’s almost worse than the judging eyes and smug grin. At least at that point Minho thought he was something other than a lost cause.

He doesn’t text you back. By the time he thinks of something a boyfriend would say, the time to say it has passed.

•

How much longer is he going to let this go on?

Hyunjin wonders that to himself as he sits, returned to Chan's apartment for another one of his "getties" as people are so apt to call them. He's never understood the difference between a getty and a party, and he's always been too stubborn to ask, knowing he'd be mercilessly made fun of for not knowing something apparently all university students knew.

This one isn't so different from the last. More or less the same crowd, the same atmosphere as the night goes on. Only this time, when everyone's settled down in what can hardly be called a circle, Hyunjin's on the couch, sunken into the too-old cushions with an arm wrapped around your shoulders. You're far from your last claimed spot with Jisung on that ratty old beanbag chair, sitting comfortably under Hyunjin's arm with a plastic cup of whatever Chan concocted for you — which you've yet to drink much of.

Sojung sits across from you both while she laughs at something Felix says. You laugh too, but Hyunjin barely notices, eyes glued to the girl they've been stuck on since she joined his dance crew over a year ago. He wants to tell her how beautiful she is when she smiles, even under the light of Chan's dingy apartment, but he can't. He wants to tell her how he's felt for months, but you're next to him. He wants to have a fucking drink but all he has in his cup is fucking iced green tea because he knows if he drinks he'll fuck up again.

Just like last time.

"You okay?" you whisper in his ear at one point.

He turns to see your concerned expression, and it only makes Hyunjin hate this even more. He doesn't deserve your concern.

"I'm fine."

But he's not fine.

He doesn't participate in much conversation — only speaks when spoken to, and even then with few words. You seem to become tense next to him, but he does nothing to try and fix it. Just tonight, he's going to let himself be tired.

Three times, you offer to leave, and all three he refuses. You give up eventually, though he can tell you know something's off. God, if he were drunk, he wouldn't even have to think about you for a whole night.

Somehow the topic of discussion turns to couples, and suddenly, an entire room of eyes is on you and Hyunjin. He barely catches the question before you're already pondering your answer.

What do the two lovebirds love most about each other?

You look at him. At him, at him. He feels your stare in the dip of his throat because he can't seem to swallow anymore. It's like his soul is being scanned for viruses.

"Hmm..." You let your chin fall into your palm with a smile. It's real. Too real. "I like his resolve," you finally say. "If he wants to do something, he does it." With a loud exhale through your nose, you tilt your head, still meeting his eyes with your own. Hyunjin's mouth slightly parts, slack with something he can't name. "I could learn a thing or two from him."

The room bristles with your answer, various responses piping up around. Hyunjin sort of registers Jeongin saying, "That's cute. I wanna vomit," but he's too busy thinking about you, about how you've come to like something about him as deep as that when all he's done is pretend to even like you at all.

And even when his mind swims with that, Sojung asks again,

"Then Hyunjin, what do you like about them?"

It sort of hurts. Hyunjin's not afraid to admit to himself that hearing Sojung ask what he likes about you sends pain straight through his ears to his heart. There's an awkward pause and everyone's looking at him expectantly and god he wishes he stole your drink when he had the chance.

"I..." His throat goes dry. His lips part, but there aren't any words to slip past them. "I, um..." He looks to you, and your eyes speak volumes. Everyone else in this room has a sort of... hungry look. They want to know Hyunjin's answer for one reason or another, maybe to tease with or to ridicule or even wish for themselves. But you, your eyes meet his and he knows you're not expecting anything. That hurts too. He doesn't know why. But even then, he can't think of the words. Any words. He steals a glance at Sojung, whose expression is curious, doe eyes slightly giddy from alcohol. She's pretty.

"I like their laugh," he says. It's not about you. "Whenever they laugh, I think to myself, 'What I wouldn't give to see them laugh again'."

Your eyes move to the plastic cup you've got gripped between two hands in your lap, and Changbin points out your flustered smile to the entire room despite the fact everyone can see it as long as they've got working eyes. You purse your lips together to contain the smile, but it doesn't work. Even Hyunjin can see that.

He needs a drink.

Having to go to the bathroom is a lousy excuse, and Hyunjin knows it, but he whispers that in your ear anyways and retracts his arm from your shoulder before escaping. He does go to the bathroom, a small thing with a shower and no bath, but all he does in there is stare at himself in the mirror. And when that becomes too much, his feet.

Someone else eventually has to use the bathroom for its actual purpose, so he opens it to the banging fist outside and slides past the person back into the hallway. He pauses before walking all the way back. You're caught up in some other conversation now, laughing and dramatically waving your hands as you deny some crazy embarrassing story Jisung’s trying to spill about you. Seems you've already integrated yourself with his friends more than he thought.

Since your attention is occupied, Hyunjin instead ducks into the half-kitchen — not necessarily out of sight, but no one's really paying attention anyways. He knows he shouldn't take any chances, but he really, really wants to let go. He's been wearing a facade ever since he said your name that night.

"I wouldn't, if I were you."

Minho's voice has Hyunjin jerking up and banging his head on the door of the open fridge he was rummaging through. He winces in pain, kneading his fingers into his scalp as if that will do anything.

"Wouldn't what?" he snaps.

Minho tilts his head, and it's almost infuriating how nonchalant he is. "Do something you might regret."

He takes the yet unopened bottle from Hyunjin's hands, reaching beyond him to put it back in place. There's no point in fighting against him since he's undeniably right, but Hyunjin grumbles anyways. His eyes glance every few seconds to you on the couch. If you happen to hear anything...

Well, he doesn't know exactly. But he doesn't want to find out.

"You have to end it."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just—" Hyunjin takes in a breath, too loud for his liking. He lowers his voice. "I can't, okay? I don't want to hurt them."

"So you're just going to date them based on a lie just because you're too much of a coward to admit your mistakes?" Minho places his palms flat on the counter.

Hyunjin takes a deep breath through his nose, lips twisting in frustration. "Yeah, okay? Yeah," he whispers. "That's exactly what I'm gonna do."

A second passes. Minho's brow furrows.

"And quite frankly," Hyunjin continues, "I'd rather you keep your nosy ass out of my business from now on."

He nearly storms off right then with the last word, but Minho's fingers around his elbow stop him.

"You're going to get yourself hurt," Minho warns through his teeth. He nods towards you. "And them in the process."

"We'll see about that."

Hyunjin has acted on impulse before. It happened with the lemon meringue pie, it happened with your name, and it's happening right now. Nothing is compelling him other than the absolute need to prove Minho wrong, and even then, he doesn't know why.

He sits back down next to you, his spot saved by some miracle considering the surrounding company. The look on your face is happy, jovial. You must be having a right old time. His nerves strike with a feeling he's never quite experienced before.

When you study his face, no doubt not nearly as cheerful as yours, the expression you held falters to worry.

"You okay?" is once again the question on your lips, quiet, meant for his ears only.

Impulse is a scary thing. Hyunjin hates it almost as much as lying.

He leans in, crashing his lips on yours with his eyes half closed. His lips move and yours don't. Hyunjin can't even be sure you've closed your eyes, but at this very moment, he doesn't care. All he knows is he's angry and Minho is watching.

This isn’t your first kiss — he knows because you’ve talked to him about this very topic. This is, however, to your understanding, the first “real” relationship you’ve ever been in. You told him yourself that you don’t really count that past kiss as your first, that you felt a bit... violated when it happened.

Hyunjin thinks this isn’t all too different.

He steals your second first kiss, and later, staring at the water-stained stucco ceiling of his bedroom, he kicks himself so hard it hurts.

•

You show up to movie night. Apparently Seungmin invited you — explained it like this:

“You won’t have to be so clingy with me if they’re here.”

At first, Hyunjin thinks Seungmin just wants to drop their roommate movie nights because he’s always complained about them, but Seungmin sticks around during Anastasia; sings along with you during Once Upon a December despite the fact that neither of you really know the words. He sits right in front of you two on the couch, cross-legged on the floor with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, that of which he only offers to you twice and Hyunjin once.

Whatever. You’re a better cuddler than Seungmin anyway.

Somehow it doesn’t feel forced when you lean your head on Hyunjin’s shoulder, or when he wraps his arm around your waist to get comfortable. He blames it on how tired he is, how he always gets on movie night after a week of classes and practices and too much work for one person to handle. Seungmin complains all the time that he’s too touchy when tired.

You absentmindedly play with his fingers for most of the movie. He doesn’t mind.

It’s been about a month now.

Hyunjin doesn’t kiss you again after the first time. Doesn’t stop you, either, but you’re more of an on-the-cheek kind of person. He thinks you think he wants to take this slow, even though he initiated the first big step (as convoluted as it was). He lets you think what you want.

Nasty business, it is.

Cleaning a bowl that once held popcorn. All the grease that sticks to the side because Seungmin likes to use too much butter. All the grains of salt that get underneath Hyunjin’s fingernails. He’s washing, Seungmin’s drying. It’s an arrangement of sorts.

You’ve already left for the night, gone back to your dorm since it’s only a five minute walk or so through campus. Seungmin insisted on Hyunjin escorting you, but you only smiled sweetly and refused. Maybe Hyunjin should’ve argued harder against you. He didn’t though. That’s why he’s scrubbing a bit too harshly now — he doesn’t like messing up.

Seems that’s all he’s good for lately.

“You’re unhappy.”

Hyunjin stops scrubbing. The only noise in the whole apartment is the slow gurgle of the sink because even with a plug, such an old thing just lets the hot water seep away as the seconds go by. Seungmin’s gaze is on the pan he’s drying, but Hyunjin knows his heart is in the question. It always is.

“I’m not,” he tries to deny, but it’s difficult to fool a person like Seungmin. (Especially since Hyunjin can’t even convince himself.)

The non-stick pan from yesterday’s dinner clangs against an older one when Seungmin puts it away. He looks at Hyunjin, but by then he’s turned back to washing the popcorn bowl, so their eyes don’t end up meeting.

“I’ve known you since tenth grade. You think I can’t tell when you’re upset?”

Hyunjin finds it hard to read Seungmin’s feelings most of the time. He didn’t realize he was such an open book the other way around.

Sighing, he continues to scrub the bowl, which has probably been clean for a minute already. “I’m just... stressed.”

“About?”

Minho already knows; already thinks lowly of Hyunjin for it. If Seungmin knew... Hyunjin doesn’t know if he can take that.

So he lies. Again.

“Just the dance showcase.”

It isn’t a whole lie, not really, but he can’t call it the truth either.

Seungmin takes the bowl from Hyunjin’s grasp and rinses it under the tap. Since that’s the last dish, Hyunjin is stuck with nothing for his hands to do. They rest on the edge of the sink, but his fingers ache for a task.

Seungmin, the friend that he is, says, “That’s not for three months, though. I’m sure you’ll be perfect by then.”

“I don’t know...”

“Well I do.” Eyes meet eyes, a pair determined, a pair apprehensive. “Everything will work out.”

“...Okay.”

•

Hyunjin measures time in terms of you now.

When he last texted you. When he last saw you. When he last spoke to you.

It’s all a very elaborate calculation — how much time he’s spent on you versus how much time he should spend on you. No relationship is quite like this one, he thinks, and it’s quite the romantic notion out of context. The fact remains, every interaction he has with you only pulls him further and deeper into his lie.

Hyunjin’s time moves a bit slower now.

Faster, sometimes, but only when he doesn’t want it to.

•

You tell him you might be in love with him.

He says he might be in love with you.

He’s never hated lying more.

•

Seungmin is cleaning out the fridge when the buzzer goes off, so since he’s close by, he picks up the old corded phone attached to the wall. From his spot on the couch, Hyunjin looks up from his phone to see Seungmin cover the receiver and mouth your name. Seungmin makes some sort of gesture with his hands, and somehow Hyunjin understands that as: were you expecting them?

His eyes widen as it settles in that no, he’s not expecting you. The apartment is a mess.

Seungmin buzzes you in, hangs up, and immediately moves from the fridge to the coffee table, throwing the laundry he was planning on folding back in the plastic hamper and shoving the pile in Hyunjin’s lap.

“Take care of this,” he says. “I’ll clear up the kitchen.”

Right. Can’t have you thinking your boyfriend and his roommate are slobs.

Hyunjin reacts quickly, standing from his spot on the couch with the laundry basket in hand. He dashes to his room, where he plans to stuff the laundry in his closet and save that problem for later, but once he gets there, he realizes his room is even worse. There are dirty clothes dispersed all over his bed and old coffee cups littering his desk. Scrambling to shove the new laundry in his closet, the dirty clothes in the now empty hamper, and gather all the paper cups in his arms, Hyunjin’s breath starts to catch.

When he emerges from his room with two armfuls of garbage, he finds you at the door with Seungmin, your face hidden in his shoulder and your arms wrapped tight around his waist. Seungmin’s arms are up, almost like he’s being held at gunpoint, and his eyes widen even further when he catches sight of Hyunjin.

“Uhh... it’s for you.”

Hyunjin can hear your quiet hiccups even though they’re muffled in Seungmin’s shirt. He can’t bear it when people cry.

Yeah, maybe he’s been pretending to like you for a long time now, but he’s not a monster.

Right?

He likes you as a person. As a friend. And there’s no way he’s letting his friend go through pain like this.

Hyunjin swiftly discards his trash into the garbage bin and approaches you and Seungmin. At the commotion, you lift your head from Seungmin’s shoulder, and it's clear on your face how much you've been crying. Your lips press together, emotions nearly bursting at the seams, but they finally break out when Hyunjin opens his arms wide.

“C’mere.”

You practically flail into his embrace, arms wrapping around his torso in a vice grip as you hide your face again. He doesn’t ask if you’re okay — he knows you’re not.

Seungmin stands in the doorway for a few seconds, just looking at you and Hyunjin clutching at each other in the middle of the apartment before he shuts the front door and clears his throat.

“I’ll just, uh, I’ll be — um. Mhm. Yup.”

He escapes to his room.

Hyunjin squishes his cheek to your temple as you both stay there. You’re shaking, and his arms squeeze tighter. If only he could make it stop. He doesn’t know what to say or do to make you feel better.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, though quiet and hesitant.

You shake your head, mumbling something he can’t quite make out. He pulls back a bit, just enough to see your face and gently cup your cheeks in his palms. His thumbs rub at your wet cheeks, smoothing any stray tears across your skin.

“What’s that?”

“Just...” Your eyes glisten. His heart beats. “Could you please just hold me?”

And he does.

Decidedly, his bed is much more comfortable than standing in the living room, so he sways, rocking side to side with small steps that force you to walk backwards. His smile, though, is reassuring, and you follow his guidance without much complaint. He sits you down on his bed, thankful that he cleaned up beforehand, and slowly leans you down so you’re both on your sides, facing each other. Pulling you closer, he lets you rest your head on his chest. Your hand lies flat on top of him, but eventually your fingers curl, clutching a bit of Hyunjin’s shirt between them. Silent tears fall from your eyes to his chest, but he doesn’t care.

His arm underneath you wraps around, hand landing on your back so his thumb can rub soothing circles.

It’s quiet.

Funny. Hyunjin used to dislike silence with you — always felt the need to fill it with conversation or jokes or laughter. He wonders when it was last since he felt that way.

Hyunjin doesn’t know how much time passes. His eyes stick to his bedroom ceiling as he holds you close, thoughts on everything and nothing all at once. Are you asleep? Your tears stopped some time ago.

His question is answered when your voice, small and unsure, breaks the long-standing silence.

“Hyunjin?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I tell you about it?”

He cranes his neck to look at you, but it doesn’t really work. “Of course,” he says. “Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

You sigh. “I don’t know. I just... I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not.”

“I know, but—”

“You’re not.”

You look up at him finally, and seeing your smile sends warmth through his blood. Your cheeks are still stained with tears, but your smile pushes all that out of the way.

“Thank you,” comes past your lips in a whisper. Then, after a moment of waiting, you say, “It’s just that... I... this — ugh.” You hide your face in his shirt again. “This is so embarrassing. I don’t even know why I got so worked up.”

Hyunjin doesn’t respond to that, just pats your back a few times and encourages you to keep going. You toy with the fabric of his shirt.

“This guy I used to know — I thought I’d never see him again, but he showed up today. Ran into him when I was walking back from the convenience store.” You bite the inside of your lip. “I haven’t thought about him in a long time, but, I don’t know, I guess seeing him just brought all these memories back all at once.”

“Bad ones?”

A breathy laugh escapes you. “Sure, you could say that.”

The silence comes back, and your brows furrow, almost like you’re trying to solve the problem all on your own. But you don’t have to. Hyunjin is here.

“Do you remember when I told you about my first kiss? Like, my real first kiss?”

Hyunjin hums. Of course he remembers.

“Back in high school, I used to have this friend. Sammy. She was — god, she was beautiful. And kind, and smart, and just... amazing. I miss her a lot. She’s abroad these days, travelling the world with her sister. I think she’s in Peru now.” You chuckle at the mention of your old friend, but soon your smile twists into a frown. “This guy... I don’t like saying his name, but he liked Sammy. Everyone did, I don’t blame him for that, honestly. He was pretty popular back then — one of those sports boys, you know? Thinking about it now, he could’ve easily gotten with Sammy if he hadn’t been so conniving.”

“Conniving?”

“Yeah, he was... I don’t know how he got the idea in his head, but he came to me first. He kept hanging out with me, taking me on these... dates? But they weren’t really dates, all we did was talk about Sammy — what she liked, what she didn’t like. I knew he was using me, but I just... let him, I guess. Maybe back then I was just so caught up in being needed that I didn’t really mind being used.”

Hyunjin hugs you tighter.

“I guess he felt sorry, maybe? Right before he went to go ask Sammy out, he just... laid one on me. It was stupid. Like a pity kiss for my service or whatever. I wasn’t in love with the guy or anything, but it felt so... degrading. Like all I deserved was some action from a conventionally good-looking guy."

Your tears come back, brimming at the edge of your eyelids.

“I don’t know, it just — it just made me feel so...”

You take a breath. Exhale.

“...worthless.”

Hyunjin doesn’t fail to see the irony here, at least, but he feels slightly lifted. Whoever this guy is, Hyunjin’s a million times better.

“You’re not worthless,” he says — because he knows it’s true.

“I know.” You readjust yourself curled around him, wiping away the tears which haven’t fallen. “I mean, I know now.” Sighing, you wrap your arm around his waist, somehow pulling him closer than he already was. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here. For being you. For letting me be me.”

“It is my absolute pleasure to serve you, your majesty.”

You wack him with the sleeve of your sweater. “You’re such a dork!”

Your laugh is nice. Hyunjin hopes to hear it again soon.

“You know,” you say, eyes closed as you lie there with him on his bed. “Normally I would’ve gone to Jisung with my problems, but tonight...”

“Tonight?”

“You make me feel safe, Hyunjin. Thank you.”

His eyes close. “Really?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out, “that, and if I told Jisung, he would’ve found the guy and beat him to a pulp.”

“Why can I see that?”

“Because it’s true.”

You stay the night.

•

With a group of friends as big as Hyunjin’s, it’s about once every blue moon that the boys find a time that works for everyone, especially coming up on finals season. They all have their own worries around this time: the dance showcase, the big play, last-minute assessments, and — of course — finals.

So when they’re all free for barbecue one night, everyone’s ecstatic. Reservations are made, gratuities are calculated, and the group chat blows up every few hours with various changes to plans. (Mostly from Changbin, who’s eager to show off his grilling skills.)

But of course, university is university, and it’s inevitable that someone has to bail out. That someone being Hyunjin.

The dance showcase creeps up a bit faster than anyone likes, and now Hyunjin’s professor is forcing him to choreograph an entire song for some freshmen only a month before the whole thing goes onstage.

First of all, who signs up for a showcase only four weeks before the performance? Who lets them sign up?

And second of all, doesn’t his professor realize Hyunjin has a life? He’s got other dances to work on, other classes to study for, friends to have barbecue with. How is he supposed to cram an entire choreography — not to mention the time it’ll take to teach the freshmen — into his already hectic lifestyle?

But Hyunjin is a people-pleaser. He doesn’t say no.

Instead, he regretfully messages the group chat, saying he can’t hang out tonight in favour of attempting to choreograph at least a quarter of the song in one sitting. He gets the usual whining, but they all know they can’t change his mind, so it fades out fast.

What he doesn’t expect is for them to invite you instead.

“It’s an eight person reservation,” Chan reasons. “Besides, they’re basically one of us by now.”

Hyunjin can’t exactly argue with that.

So, you go to the restaurant with them while Hyunjin heads to the studio. Minho picks you up along with Jeongin and Felix, which sends an anxious bit of worry down Hyunjin’s spine, but he does nothing about it. If Minho wanted to tell you, he would’ve by now.

You send him a good luck text.

[🍥] Don’t let those kids work you into the ground!

He stares at your words for a bit, distracted from finding the song he’s supposed to use. Your contact name is different now — one of those naruto fishcakes because of that time you took him out for ramen. That night had been full of laughter and loud, borderline obnoxious slurping, ending with the beautiful finale of Hyunjin throwing a fishcake straight into your open mouth.

You were the one that sweet-talked you both out of getting banned.

Hyunjin finally opens his music app and finds the song the freshmen requested (a rather boring one, if you ask him) which he sets to max volume. He doesn’t bother plugging his phone into the speaker system, not when he’s the only one in the studio.

Maybe he can do this.

•

“The trick is to add eggs and use less water,” you say as you scoop more batter onto the waffle iron.

Seungmin snorts from where he sits at the table, still shoveling more whipped cream and strawberry-smothered waffle in his mouth. “Are you sure the trick isn’t to just not be Hyunjin?”

“Hey!” Hyunjin pauses his own eating just to pout. “My waffles are good!”

“Sure, you keep telling yourself that.”

Both of you laugh at Hyunjin’s expense, only further accentuating the pout on his face. You and Seungmin are too alike in that aspect. Well, actually, Hyunjin knows you’d never laugh at him, but he still can’t be sure about Seungmin. One time, back in high school, Hyunjin tripped over (what he thought was) a dead bird, and Seungmin laughed for hours — though Hyunjin always exaggerates the story into him laughing for days.

You sit down next to him with your own plate of waffles. There’s flour dusted on your arms, but you don’t seem to mind.

“You’ve got a little...” You point a finger at the corner of your mouth.

He knows. Hyunjin can feel the cool whipped cream right where you say it is.

He smiles wide. “I’m saving it for later.”

“Hmm...”

You say nothing, just smile as you lean in, kissing the corner of his lips. It’s quick, chaste, and barely a real kiss, but Hyunjin’s heart bounces in his chest. He’s never been kissed like that before.

He wonders if this is what it’s like to be loved.

That thought, though, he pushes back for another time.

“Gross. You guys made me lose my appetite,” Seungmin says. He keeps eating.

•

With eyes drooping shut every few seconds, Hyunjin decides it’s time to call it quits on the calculus homework. It’s nearly one in the morning, anyways. He flips his textbooks shut and gathers up all his notes, putting them all in a haphazard pile that he’ll worry about in the morning. Swivelling in his chair, his eyes land on you.

Oh. He forgot you’re here.

You’re snuggled up on top of his covers, one arm wrapped around the pillow your head should be on, eyes closed as even, slow breaths come past your slightly parted lips. One of his hoodies is draped over your legs like a blanket. He wonders why you didn’t just get under the covers.

Well, he has been walking you home ever since he hadn’t some time ago. Maybe you were waiting.

He feels a bit guilty as he brushes his teeth and washes his face, but not too bad since you only have afternoon classes tomorrow. Maybe he can treat you to something in the morning to make up for it.

After he tucks you under a fluffy throw blanket, he crawls into bed and lies on his side, facing you.

Your other hand is lax, palm up and fingers curled, almost like you’re holding something invisible.

His hand would fit perfectly.

The tips of his fingers graze over the lines on your palm. Slow. Trepidatious.

You shift, fingers unconsciously curling around Hyunjin’s hand.

He closes his eyes.

•

The moves aren’t working.

The moves aren’t working and the music isn’t working and the dance isn’t working and nothing is working.

Hyunjin groans in frustration, almost screaming with his fingers threaded through his damp hair as he messes up yet another landing. He’s drenched in sweat, and it’s only been so many hours since the rest of the crew left for the night, not that he’s kept track.

It’s less than a week until the showcase. Six days, as Felix is apt to remind everyone with his stupid holiday countdown app.

That freshmen choreography is already over and done with — Hyunjin’s made it, he’s taught it to those over-eager nuisances, and if they need anything more, that’s on them. They’re no longer his responsibility.

That’s not what has him in such a state right now.

His solo — the one he’s been planning for the entire semester — it just doesn’t... feel right. He’s been slaving over it for days now, reworking the steps, figuring out what to take out and what to replace. But the more he fixes it, the more it feels wrong.

He can’t get the steps right. He can’t get anything right.

What is wrong with him?

He starts the music again at exactly one minute, thirty-eight seconds. The moves are clear in his mind. One step. Two steps. Sweep. Spin. Jump—

He falls.

The music goes on.

Hyunjin slams his fist onto the softwood floor, cursing at his ineptitude. He stays like that for a moment, eyes screwed shut and fists clenched so tight his nails dig into his palms. The song ends, only to restart again, but Hyunjin barely notices.

Screw the music. He stands; positions himself; tries again.

Again.

He falls.

He yells out at the floor, at his feet, at whatever is holding him back.

His reflection in the mirror stares back at him.

Mind blank, he sits there, legs stretched out in front of him as he hunches over, eyes closed to the world around. His breaths come out shaky and uneven, but even though every moment sitting still feels like eternity, his lungs fail to calm.

Someone knocks on the door, and for a second, Hyunjin thinks it’s Jisung coming to tell him to go home for the night. He doesn’t want to, so he doesn’t look up.

The door opens, he can hear the quiet shuffling of hesitant feet that have removed their shoes just because the sign on the door told them to.

“Hyunjin?”

Your voice is clear — like a single drop of water coalescing into a whole — and it cuts through the sound of blood rushing past Hyunjin’s ears.

He looks up to see you standing a good length away, almost like you’re scared to approach. You’re wearing pyjamas, a thick sweater pulled over your shoulders and fuzzy socks donning your feet. Something bulges from the pocket of your sweater.

“What are you...”

“Minho called me.”

In the back of his mind, a small part of Hyunjin wonders exactly when you and Minho have gotten close enough to call each other, but the thought doesn’t stay for long. It can’t, really, not when you’re in front of him.

When Hyunjin says nothing more, you take another step forward. “What’s wrong?”

To anyone else, he might say nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong.

His voice breaks when he tries to laugh.

“Everything.”

Your eyes soften, a small smile tugging at your lips. It’s not one of those pitiful smiles, he can tell, but it’s not fake, either. You bring your hands together in front of you, fiddling with the tips of your fingers as your eyes move from them to his gaze again. “I’m coming over. Is that okay?”

He nods.

First, you find his phone and turn down the music until it’s gone. You sit right behind him, legs spread on either side of his body, and you wrap your arms around his waist, pressing flush to his back and resting your cheek between his shoulder blades. He squirms a bit.

“I’m all sweaty,” he tries to argue, but you only squeeze him tighter.

“Yeah, you are.”

He stops resisting. It’s much too hot, what with his hours of constant exercise and your thick layers, but he can’t complain.

“Do you want to talk about it?” This time it’s your turn to ask.

“...Just hold me?”

And you do.

You press a kiss to the back of his neck. Slow, soft, and when your lips leave his searing skin, your forehead replaces them.

That’s when the dam breaks.

Hot, fat tears roll from Hyunjin’s eyes down his cheeks as sobs rack through his chest. The vibrations shake him and you all at once, but your hold never falters. He can’t see anything, only a blur of what should be his legs and your arms wrapped around his stomach. His hands go to clutch at your arms, desperate to hold onto something; to not let him sink.

It’s ugly, the way he cries, but you let it happen. You hold him.

This is what it’s like.

Eventually, his desperate hands find yours, his arms crossed so his right is over your right, his left over your left. His fingers roam over the smooth backs of your hands until they reach your fingers and interlock. The palms of your hands are warm compared to his fingertips.

You’ve locked onto his body language by now — you’re fluent, so you know to continue pressing reassuring, slow kisses into his skin. You know to whisper little words that should mean nothing, but coming from your lips, mean everything.

He’s going to be okay.

For some reason, coming from you, he believes it.

You hold him until the hiccuping stops, until the tears are just dry streaks on his face, until his breath comes out in long streams instead of bursts.

His eyes stay shut as he feels you shift. One of your hands slips out of his grasp, your arm reaching back, and Hyunjin almost whines until he feels its return.

“Look,” you whisper.

It itches to open his eyes, but when he does, he sees what’s in your hand, right in front of him. A small stuffed llama sits in your palm, a velvet heart hanging off one side of a saddle like it’s carrying precious cargo. Upon the heart, stitched white letters read:

It’s no prob-llama!

You chuckle lightly, repositioning yourself so your chin hooks over his shoulder. “An awful pun, I know. I just found it the other day, and I was going to give it to you the day of the showcase, but I think you could use it right about now.”

Gingerly, Hyunjin lifts his hands together, and you place the plush in his awaiting palms.

His voice is slow to restart, but he manages to say, “Thank you.”

Hands now free, you wrap yourself around his waist again. “Anything for you.”

Such a simple sentence, that, and yet the confession sends blood to Hyunjin’s ears in the form of an awfully embarrassing blush. He runs his thumbs over the fluffy fabric of the llama plush.

“Hyunjin?”

“Hm?”

You press your lips to the crook of his shoulder, voice muffled in the fabric of his shirt. “I won’t force you to stop practicing. I know this is important to you.” Hyunjin feels your breath fan over his skin. “But I also want you to rest — you shouldn’t overwork yourself.”

One of your hands rises to his chin, guiding it up so he looks forward at the studio mirror and meets your gaze in the reflection.

“Whaddya say we do, hm?” You tilt your head, and Hyunjin thinks his pupils may be heart-shaped. “Do you want to practice more? Or can I take you home?”

“Just...” He swallows what’s left in his dry mouth. “Just once more.”

You smile. “Okay.”

As you get up, you run your hands up to Hyunjin’s shoulder and down to his hand, where you playfully pretend to pull him up with you. He laughs, hiding his face behind the llama plush for a second before he stands, tugging your hands as he does so you fall into him when he rights himself. Both your hands are squeezed between him and you, while his unoccupied arm finds its way to your side.

Another smile tugs at your lips at the proximity. You shift your hands up so they wrap over his shoulders, linking behind his head. Leaning closer, your eyes gleam under the fluorescent lights. To the sound of silence, you sway together, waltzing in the dead of night.

“I’ll be outside, okay?”

Hyunjin’s expression tightens, eyebrows shifting in confusion. “Why?”

“Well,” you say, “I know how you feel about audiences during practice.”

Something about your smile right now makes Hyunjin feel so undeniably safe. You understand him. Never once have you questioned him over why he doesn’t invite you to practices, never once did you pressure him to change that.

“Do you know how I feel about you?”

“Hmm, do I?”

Do you?

“Stay.”

And you do.

•

Here’s the thing about dance showcases:

They’re big, they’re flashy, they take the entire year to plan, and they’re over in one night.

Hyunjin stands in the wings, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, hopefully not loud enough for anyone to hear. He watches as the group performing before his solo finishes up their dance, though he knows there is at least a minute before he’ll have to go on.

A tap on his shoulder makes him turn his head, and he sees Sojung’s smiling face.

“Nervous?” she asks, her voice hidden beneath the music.

She’s all dolled up, dressed in her costume with a sleek leather jacket to bring everything together. Her eyes glimmer just as much as her eyelids.

“You have no idea,” Hyunjin jokes, but his heart isn’t really in it.

Sojung tilts her head; blinks a few times. “You’ll do amazing. You always do.”

For what it’s worth, Hyunjin hasn’t forgotten his attraction. Sojung’s words soothe him to some extent, pump him up, even. It’s slightly terrifying — how much she still affects him even now.

You’re in the audience tonight, third row from the front, somewhere in the middle. Your seat is between Jisung’s and Seungmin’s, whereas the other two came (almost) too late and had to find seats elsewhere.

The music ends, applause erupts, and Hyunjin knows it’s his turn. He waits for the group to exit on the opposite side, and when the resounding claps quiet down, he takes the first step onstage.

Something Hyunjin has almost always known: stage lights are blinding. If they’re set up right, anyone onstage will have a damn hard time seeing anyone in the audience. He can’t see you — couldn’t during his previous performance with the crew, either. The only reason he knows you’re there is the million assuring texts you sent him before you had to turn off your phone for the show.

But he knows you’re there. He knows you’re watching.

Hyunjin stands with his left foot on the spike mark, right where he’s practiced time and time again ever since they transitioned into the space. Music floods his veins, and the world is gone.

He wouldn’t call it an escape. Hyunjin doesn’t use dance to get away, it’s not like that. This world he creates with dance — this other space where nothing exists except him and the music and the floor and the feeling — he chooses to go there. Euphoria, he thinks it might be called. Euphoric.

The space takes him. He lets it.

And then it’s over.

Hyunjin’s breath leaves him in bursts, his shoulders heaving despite how hard he fights to keep them still in his final pose. His back faces the audience, his right arm stretched out and up, fingers curling around nothing. Stars dance before his eyes — which he fails to catch with his outstretched hand.

He thinks he can faintly hear applause, but it’s nothing compared to the heart beating in his chest. Your voice plays in his ears, yet he knows it’s simply his imagination — his recollection.

I like your dance, you’d said that night. I’m no expert, no judge, but I like it. I love it, honestly. Your dancing... I don’t know. I wish I had the words. It’s like... a little box.

A little box?

You’ve got a little box in your hand. Brown, maybe the size of your palm. You open it and there’s no bottom, no sides, no shape, just an expanse of universe in blues and pinks and purples and whatever colours we don’t know exist. You look inside and reach your hand in, somehow fitting in the tiny yet infinite space. Your fingers brush through starlight like strands of silk, like the rays are minnows you’ve met during a summer dip. Like that. A little box.

I thought you said you didn’t have the words?

I don’t. Not enough.

Hyunjin vaguely registers the lights going black, the way his feet drift him offstage, the music of the seniors’ finale.

At some point, the lights are back on. Not the stage lights, but the harsh fluorescents once the audience has fully filtered out into the lobby. Most of them will leave, but the family and friends of performers are sure to stay, waiting there to congratulate and fawn over the dancers as soon as they’re let go for the night. Somewhere in his mind, Hyunjin knows his friends are outside waiting for him — him, Minho, and Felix.

Roses are passed around. He’s never seen a blue rose before, but some dancers walk around with them as they change out of costume and gather their things. He points out a yellow rose from the bunch presented to him, but it turns out to be a bouquet for him specifically, and he takes the whole thing with his jaw slightly hanging. Everything’s a bit... slow. Hyunjin feels like he’s wading through water.

He hasn’t changed yet, simply standing in his costume as he watches people go back and forth. Other performers move from dressing room to dressing room, cleaning up what they have to while simultaneously patting each other’s backs. Techs go around making sure everything’s in order, nothing lost or forgotten. They put away the MC’s microphones and bother the dancers for not taking proper care of props even though it’s only been one night.

Another tap on his shoulder; it’s Sojung again.

“Can I talk to you?” she asks.

He follows her to a corner of the stage, where the curtains hang and hide the two — for the most part.

She turns almost too abruptly, causing Hyunjin to stumble over his own two feet to avoid bumping into her.

“This is really hard for me to say,” she starts. “But I have to get it out.”

Hyunjin nods, maybe saying something close to a confirmation, but he can’t really tell. He’s a little lightheaded. Sojung has changed out of her leather, instead now in a pair of grey sweatpants and a simple t-shirt. That’s the thing about Sojung, though, she has that unnamed sort of... effortless beauty. Even with her stage makeup wiped off, she glows.

“This might be one of the last times I ever work with you, you know? Next year, my parents are making me quit dancing so I can focus on my major. It sucks, yeah, but they’re right. I need to focus if I want to succeed. You know that too, don’t you? The need to succeed?” She takes a breath; laughs bitterly. “Sorry, I’m getting off track... I just — I wanted to tell you this because if I don’t tonight, I might never get the chance again.”

Maybe Hyunjin has dreamed of this moment. He can’t be sure, not yet, so he let’s her continue.

“I like you, Hyunjin. I have for a while. But things happened, and you got together with...” her voice trails off. “And you seemed happy, after a while. I thought maybe I could just keep it hidden but, I don’t know, I think I need to tell you, to get closure because I'm not sure if I can go on without at least—”

Choices. Hyunjin — and everyone else in the world — has only made it through life with decisions. He’s made good ones. Bad ones. He’s had regrets and he’s had none. This, though, this choice is intensely apparent.

Apparent in the way he knows it will affect much more than he wishes.

He kisses her.

God, this is what he wanted, right? What he’s wanted for so long. He used to toss and turn at night over the thought of Sojung’s eyes; her smile; her lips.

And on his, they were heaven. Plump and soft just like the romance novels say, moving at the exact pace of his heartbeat.

The hand holding his bouquet drops to his side as the other goes to cup Sojung’s cheek. Faintly, the sound of paper fluttering to the ground reaches his ears, but nothing can distract him from this moment.

Until, of course, it ends.

Sojung pulls away. “We can’t— I don’t—”

Someone clears their throat.

Hyunjin turns, finding Minho standing just off from the curtains, arms crossed and face contorted in thinly-veiled anger.

And you.

You’re standing next to Minho, obviously shocked — over being seen or what you’ve seen, Hyunjin doesn’t know. Hands fisted and held close to your chest, your eyes widen as they meet Hyunjin’s.

It’s not so dramatic as the movies.

Hyunjin stares at you, tongue unmoving with nothing to say. You stare back, almost frozen, until Minho gently takes you by your shoulders, forcing you to turn and leave the way you must’ve come. Nothing happens in the time it takes. Hyunjin simply watches.

He’s never been good at reading lips, but he thinks he knows exactly what Minho whispers in your ear.

There’s something you should know.

Sojung mutters, “Sorry,” and leaves. She looks guilt-ridden as she does, but even in his half-frozen state, Hyunjin knows all of this is on him.

He stands alone in that corner of the stage, the only noise being the hum of fluorescent lights and the distant sound of the last stragglers in the dressing rooms. His hands clench, and the brown paper of the bouquet crumples. He looks at it then, at the yellow roses and baby’s breath, at the beige note that’s fallen to the floor.

Slowly, he crouches, picking up the note with his thumb and forefinger.

Congratulations Hyunjin!! I know how hard you’ve worked for this night, which is why I ordered these to be delivered. Chan told me yellow roses represent happiness, or something. Pretty, right? You deserve every happiness, so I decided to start with flowers. Tonight may be over, but who knows, maybe we’ll find happiness in tomorrow, too.

It’s stupid. It’s not a love letter. It’s laced with love, though, and he hates that he recognizes your handwriting.

Time moves heavily as Hyunjin turns to the backstage door. He’s the only one left now, his station in the second boy’s dressing room is messy, unlike everyone else’s. His reflection stares back at him while he sits in front of the mirror, motions halved in speed as he wipes off his eye makeup.

It’s over.

When was the last time he thought about how it would end?

He changes out of costume, arms growing stiff, and stuffs everything in his bag without much care for how. His regular clothes itch; he longs to scratch at his skin, but he doesn’t.

He leaves your bouquet on the counter.

His friends stand in a circle in the lobby, brows furrowed and voices hushed as they discuss... something. Hyunjin has a bad feeling he knows exactly the topic. Minho isn’t there. Nor are you.

Seungmin isn’t around, either, but Hyunjin remembers he had to leave immediately after the performance. Something about an essay. It doesn’t really matter now, not compared to this.

When he approaches his friends, they quiet down further. Half of them look his way with a frown, while the other half choose to avert their eyes. What do they know?

Jisung stands out the most. His arms are crossed, his lips are pressed together in a thin line, and anger radiates from his very being. Of course he’s mad. You’re his friend.

The silence consumes Hyunjin as he nearly shrivels under his friends’ gazes. He must have taken his time, the lobby is empty except for them.

“Where’s Minho?” he asks.

Jisung lurches forward, but both Chan and Changbin bring up their arms to hold him back.

“Where’s Minho? Where’s Minho?” he seethes. He jabs an accusatory finger in Hyunjin’s face. “You just kissed some girl and broke my best friend’s heart and you’re asking about Minho?!”

So they don’t know. Not really.

Hyunjin endures the scolding. The looks. The questions. The noise.

No answers are really given.

The great thing about having best friends is that they know not to pamper you when you’ve done wrong. That’s also the worst thing about having best friends.

Jisung would go on and on, surely, but soon enough the boys notice how little Hyunjin is reacting — how his face and expression is slack and dull.

Jeongin holds up a finger to quiet down the ones still complaining, then gestures towards the front entrance.

“Minho left with them a while ago.” The look on his face is one of pity. Hyunjin hates it.

He nods; stuffs his hands in his pockets as he turns to the door.

“Wait! I’m not done—!” Jisung struggles against Chan and Changbin, but he’s no match.

Hyunjin doesn’t stick around long enough to hear what happens next.

He has no sense of what to do when he walks out that door. Go home, maybe.

The night breeze hits him with more force than it should, making his eyes go dry and his lips tremble. Outside, everything is almost too loud. There’s traffic on all sides, surrounding the lot of the theatre; the sound of humming engines and honking horns assaults his senses.

He walks — though it feels like wandering — to the parking lot, where he plans to look around for a bus stop.

You’re there.

A mirage, he thinks at first, but you’re really there, sitting on one of those concrete barriers, legs outstretched and ankles crossed. You have your head lowered as you sit, hands braced on the cold concrete.

His held breath escapes him, and you look up.

“You’re here,” you say. The smile on your lips, ever so slight and ever so bitter, causes a ringing in his ears. “I almost thought you forgot about me.”

“I...”

“It’s a lie, right?” Your eyes glisten, but no tears fall. “You wouldn’t— I’m not— I’m not that naive, am I?”

Hyunjin’s lips part, but nothing moves past them. His hands itch to leave his pockets, but with nothing to reach for, they stay still.

“...I see.”

You drop your head again, bringing your hands together to fiddle with your fingernails. He hears your breath, shaky as it is, and his lungs constrict.

“God, it felt so real. I thought— I guess I don’t know what I thought, huh?” A shiver runs through you. “Was any of it real?” you ask the ground.

Hyunjin longs to answer. That’s the thing, though.

He doesn’t know.

Can any of it be real?

You laugh. Before, your laugh was spring strawberries; summer warblers; winter snowdrops. Now, your dry laughter echoes in Hyunjin’s mind like a pebble in a failed attempt of skipping stones.

“Guess not.”

You hop off the concrete barrier, wiping off your pants of dust and dirt. Still, you don’t meet his eyes.

Hyunjin’s heart beats in a way he knows isn’t natural. Guilt seeps through every orifice. “You’re not... you’re not yelling at me. You’re not crying — you’re not angry,” he stumbles through. “Why?”

It’s then, when you meet his eyes, he notices how your eyes are bloodshot, how tracks of tears gone by shine on your cheeks. You have been crying, just in the time it took for him to come across you.

“I’m just disappointed in myself, Hyunjin,” you say. “I’m the one who fell for it so easily. I’m the one that was tricked. I’m the one who—” a breath “—who loved someone that didn’t love me back.” You step closer, arms limp at your side. “Once I get home, sure, I’ll cry my eyes out. Is that what you want to hear? I’ll curse myself for being so... so stupid.”

“It’s not your fault—”

“No, it’s not. This is not my fault. All I did was believe the words you said to me. All I did was hand myself to you on a silver platter.” Unshed tears brim at your eyelids, but it seems you refuse to let them fall. “But you know the worst part, Hyunjin?”

Everything?

“The worst part is I can’t yell at you. I’m not angry because I fell in love with someone who doesn’t love me back and it hurts and I can’t bring myself to hate you despite being told you’ve never thought about me the way I think about you.”

A breathy gasp escapes you, and you turn on a dime, the sight of your back an icy reminder to Hyunjin of what he’s yet to learn. You take a deep breath to gather yourself, shoulders rising and falling.

“I’ll be going now. I’ve got a lot to think about.”

Hyunjin doesn’t move from his spot when you walk away, or when you get into Minho’s car, which pulls away after a moment of sitting there in its parking spot. His feet are stuck in stiff mud, unable to shift, even.

Perhaps he stands there for too long. It’s not until he’s staring down the front of his apartment that he realizes one of his friends must have dropped him off.

•

He hasn’t heard from you in a few days. He hasn’t heard from anyone in just as long.

Seungmin already knew (not everything, but enough) by the time Hyunjin rolled out of bed the day after. He hasn’t said anything about it, but Hyunjin can tell this silence isn’t the same as usual. They rarely eat meals together anymore. Last movie night, Seungmin didn’t even pretend to be busy, instead saying he simply wasn’t in the mood.

Jisung hasn’t left your side ever since... that happened. If Hyunjin happens to see you on campus, which is almost never, he backs out of approaching you because of the sheer force that is Jisung’s glare. Besides, he wouldn’t know what to say even if he did find the courage to face you.

Classes go by in blurs. Not quickly, like scenery past a car window, but so slow that once Hyunjin leaves, he remembers nothing but hours upon hours of staring at his empty notebook, even if the lecture was only fifty minutes long. Days are kind of like that too.

•

Sojung apologizes. She shouldn’t, but she does.

Hyunjin didn’t really hate what he did at first. He liked her, after all.

But when Sojung chokes on her own words, pleading to whoever will listen that she’s not that kind of girl, Hyunjin regrets kissing her more than he ever wanted to kiss her in the first place.

•

please let me explain

I’m sorry

it’s been a while, but still

I’m sorry

[🍥] Explain what?

[🍥] ...

[🍥] Hyunjin?

sorry I just

I wasn’t expecting you to answer

[🍥] Maybe I shouldn’t have

wait

I’m sorry

[🍥] So I’ve heard

I just want you to know why what happened, happened

[🍥] But I already know why

it’s not that simple

[🍥] You lied because you suck at lying. Because you knew Sojung was there that night and panicked. I was just collateral damage

[🍥] ...

[🍥] No answer, huh?

[🍥] So it really is that simple

please wait

I’m just trying to figure myself out

[🍥] Let me help you

[🍥] You want my forgiveness because you feel guilty. Maybe you don’t know it yet, but you want me to say I forgive you just so you won’t have to carry this around for the rest of your life

[🍥] I know this isn’t some romcom. I know you’re not here to get me back

[🍥] So just let it go

[🍥] Let’s just forget about this. About what happened

what if I can’t

[🍥] I don’t know

[🍥] Figure it out, I guess

[🍥] But do it on your own

•

Hyunjin doesn’t measure his time anymore.

He wakes up. He eats. He goes to class. He skips lunch. He goes home. He eats. He falls asleep.

When was the last time he went out with someone? When was the last time he had a real conversation?

He doesn’t know.

•

[Minho] You should tell everyone else

why

[Minho] Would you rather they think you’re a cheater or just an idiot?

I don’t know

[Minho] I think they deserve an explanation

[Minho] Want me to do it for you?

does it even matter anymore

[Minho] It’s your choice

[Minho] You just have to make it

then tell them

I don’t care

[Minho] Are you sure?

tell them

•

These days, Hyunjin stays late at the studio. No one really practices there anymore, not since the showcase finished and finals have rolled around. Actually, Hyunjin should be studying too, but he can’t find the motivation. He thinks it might be the guilt.

You were right. He doesn’t want to carry this around.

The thing is, despite spending entire evenings in the studio, he can’t remember anything as he walks home. It must be hours spent in there, and yet, when he walks out, he can’t recall a thing. Like he was never there at all.

Where does the time go?

With his luck, the elevator is broken when he returns to the apartment building, so he has to take the stairs. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but after hours of mindless, sloppy dancing, he’s much too tired. He fumbles with his keys when he tries to open the door, and he rests his forehead on the cool wood for a moment, sighing before he tries again.

The door creaks open. Though it’s late, the lights are still on, which Hyunjin frowns at when he realizes. Lately, Seungmin is never up when Hyunjin comes home. But there he is, sitting at the table right next to the kitchen with his eyes on his hands and his feet tucked under the chair.

Hyunjin freezes after shutting the door behind him, not wholly sure what to make of the scene before him.

After a moment of silence, Seungmin looks up from his fingers and meets Hyunjin’s gaze.

“Minho called me today,” he says.

Hyunjin gulps, but doesn’t respond — doesn’t know how to.

“I didn’t want to believe it at first, you know.” His voice is slow, croaky; tired. “But it sort of makes sense, doesn’t it. I don’t know how I didn’t see from the start.”

Slowly, Hyunjin slips off his shoes and steps further into the apartment. “So you know. I’m really not in the mood for a lecture right now.”

“I just have a question.”

Hyunjin pauses, halfway through the apartment and only a few meters from his bedroom door. He turns to face Seungmin, sighing through his nose and digging his palms into his eye sockets. “Fine,” he concedes. “What?”

“If you never loved — never liked them, why are you acting like this now?”

“Acting like what?”

“Like a dead man walking.”

Hyunjin scoffs, a dry, empty sound as he looks away for a moment before meeting Seungmin’s gaze again. “You’re kidding, right?” he asks. “I lied to someone for months. I pretended to love someone I didn’t. I used them because of my own stupidity and pride, and then I used Sojung, too—” Pausing, he closes his eyes; takes a breath. “Isn’t it obvious? It’s guilt. I feel guilty for... for everything.”

“That’s the only reason?”

“Excuse me?”

Seungmin rhythmically taps the pads of his fingers on the table. It’s not loud enough to be heard, but Hyunjin’s eyes train to the sight. “It’s only the guilt?”

“What else would it be?”

This time, it’s Seungmin who sighs. He looks at his hands again for a second. “Do me a favour,” he says without looking up.

“Look, I already—”

“Just do what I say.”

Hyunjin groans, but he knows he can’t argue with Seungmin and win — not now at least. He rubs his eyes, shoulders rising and falling as he takes in a deep breath. Mumbling under his breath, he says, “Fine.”

Seungmin stands from his chair, and in such stagnant silence, the sound of the legs squeaking on the floor is profound. He points to the middle of the apartment, the large bit of floor-space that’s too big to be considered part of the kitchen but too small to house any furniture.

“Stand right there.”

“...What?”

Without answering, Seungmin simply points at the floor again, and Hyunjin can only groan in defiance as he moves to stand in that spot. Grabbing a throw pillow from the couch, Seungmin steps a few feet away, facing Hyunjin with the pillow held in one hand at his side. He seems to consider something for a moment.

“Hey, um, sorry in advance.”

Hyunjin has never been unable to read Seungmin this much, so he asks, “What is this all about—”

Seungmin screams. Not a high-pitched screech, but a guttural battle cry, and Hyunjin’s eyes widen. Faster than he can comprehend, Seungmin runs towards him and tackles him to the ground. Hyunjin’s legs crumble as he falls, and he feels the throw pillow pressing onto his face.

This is it, he thinks. This is how he dies.

“Seungmin!” he cries, but his protest is muffled by the pillow. “What the fuck are you—!”

“You idiot! You don’t know shit!”

“I know that!” Hyunjin thrashes to get the pillow off, but Seungmin already has the advantage he needs.

“You miss them you fucking buffoon! You’re all in your doom and gloom because you had a good thing going and had to go fuck it up!”

“I don’t!”

“Don’t try to argue with me, fucker, I know you better than anyone. Now scream!”

The pillows squishes further down, and while Hyunjin can still breathe, it’s far from comfortable. He continues to struggle even though he knows it’s useless.

“What?!”

“Scream into the pillow! You’re mad at yourself and you should be! Let it all out!”

“I—”

“Scream!”

And he does. He lets out a loud bellow that’s nothing but sound roaring from his lungs. He does it mostly to appease Seungmin — so that maybe he’ll finally get off.

But it feels good.

No, not good, really. It feels awful. Everything feels awful. Yet, something about screaming makes him want to do it again. He yells once more into the pillow, the sound muffled in the fabric and yet intensely remarkable. He screams and he screams and he screams until he can’t scream anymore and his voice is raw and there’s no more sound aside from the fractured gasps of his sobs. Tears soak into rough fabric, and he doesn’t even notice that Seungmin isn’t holding the pillow anymore — he’s pressing it to his face himself. His body shakes under Seungmin. Hyunjin feels pathetic, but he can’t stop.

He tries again to scream into the pillow, but his voice cracks and all he knows is to cry.

This is what it’s like.

Quietly, Seungmin maneuvers himself so he sits by Hyunjin’s head. He slowly lifts a corner of the pillow and peeks at Hyunjin’s red face. “So,” he whispers, voice soft and full of care, “what are you going to do now?”

Hyunjin wraps his arms around the pillow, hiding his face again.

“I don’t know,” he says. He’s never felt less sure of anything. “I don’t know.”

•

That night, Hyunjin cleans his room. He doesn’t reorganize or anything, just picks discarded clothes up off the ground and throws them in a hamper, spreads his blankets so his bed actually looks bed-like, and takes his overflowing garbage bin out to the door, where he’ll take it out tomorrow morning. As he stretches his arm between his bed and the wall, his fingers close around the sweater he’s trying to reach and... something else. When he brings his hand back up, a small llama plush stares back at him.

It’s no prob-llama!

He stares at the words for a moment, sitting up on his bed and leaning his back against the wall. The plush feels frail in his hands, almost like the velvet heart held on the llama’s back could crumble at any moment. Maybe it will.

Hyunjin settles down above the covers that night, and the llama sits on his other pillow.

The one that still smells like you.

•

He cries. (For the second time since you left.)

•

After everything that’s happened, one would think it would take a miracle to fix what’s been broken. Hyunjin thinks it will take more than that, but still; he’s no miracle worker. He thinks it will take magic to just see you again.

Turns out, it takes a coffee.

Seungmin forces Hyunjin to join him in visiting one of the campus cafes. He doesn’t think about it too much, just believes Seungmin’s trying to keep him alive with a little kick of caffeine. That thought is pushed away when Seungmin blocks him from sitting at the little table, pointing instead across the space to the student printing center.

You’re talking to a customer at the front counter, forearms rested on the white faux marble. A smile is on your lips as you say whatever it is you’re saying to the girl, and Hyunjin finds it almost impossible to tear his eyes away. But he does. He scans the rest of the building for a second. Jisung is nowhere to be seen, and neither is Minho.

He turns to Seungmin, a question on the tip of his tongue.

“They told the bodyguards to back off,” Seungmin explains without needing to be asked. “It’s been a few days.” He nods his chin towards you. “Go on. Talk to them.”

Hyunjin shakes his head, gulping down the words he can’t yet think of. “I don’t... I’m not... ready.”

“If you back out now, you’re going to keep backing out until it’s too late.”

Seungmin’s eyes blaze with an unfitting determination for such a setting. He looks stupid, like some self-made, all-knowing relationship guru. Still, he’s right.

Hyunjin licks his dry lips and looks at you again. You’ve sat down, relaxed after having helped that customer and now conversing with one of the other students working there. He misses the way you looked when you were happy — when you were happy with him.

What will it take to see that again?

What will it take to hold you again?

His feet move before his doubts can stop him, and the scene feels awfully familiar. This time though, Hyunjin can’t help but feel like the bad guy.

You don’t notice him until he’s right in front of you, and he doesn’t know what hurts more: the immediate frown, or the fake smile you use to cover it up.

“Hi, what can I do for you today?”

If Hyunjin had to define heartache, he might use this moment. Feigning to forget rather than acknowledging the past... it’s effective, but it hurts.

“Can...” He hesitates and curses himself for it. “Can we talk?”

“About printing, yes. About anything else? I really would rather we didn’t,” you say under your breath. It’s hushed, and you don’t shy away when Hyunjin leans closer to hear. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?

“But there’s something I need to say.”

“I don’t think I want to hear anymore apologies, Hyunjin.”

“It’s not that,” he argues.

Your eyebrows scrunch together. “It’s not an apology?”

“No— I mean, well, yes I want to apologize. I don’t think I’ll ever stop apologizing, but— but that’s not what I—”

“Hyunjin.”

He stops at your word, knowing that speaking will only get him further into trouble. Around you, his words keep failing. Instead, he meets your eyes, which under more inspection, seem hardened.

Have eyes ever looked so hardened when brimmed with tears?

“I don’t know if you know this, but seeing you makes me hate myself.” By now, your coworker has walked to the back, probably to respect your privacy. Your voice almost cracks. “I’ve felt worthless before, but Hyunjin, do you even realize what that — what you did to me?”

He barely breathes before saying, “What if I... what if I said I fell in love with you? Somewhere along the way?” A pause. Your eyes waver, but steady themselves. “What if I said I love you?”

“Hyunjin,” you say after a second.

“Yes?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

•

[🍥] Give me a reason to give you a chance

this is real right?

[🍥] It’s not a dream if that’s what you’re asking

all of a sudden??

[🍥] Minho and Seungmin said I should

[🍥] And I think I should too

[🍥] But it’s hard

[🍥] What you said yesterday... I don’t know if I can believe it just yet

will you meet me?

I want to see you

[🍥] Can you give me some time?

yes

all the time you need

but will you?

will you meet me?

[🍥] I don’t want to

[🍥] But then again, I do

[🍥] Just give me some time

•

A strange thing, time. It passes by much too quickly when you want it to last, and it drags on when all you want is to be there. There; right then; right now.

Hyunjin stays up late turning on and off his phone, waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.

It’s only been two days.

Seungmin thinks he’s crazy, though he hasn’t said it out loud — Hyunjin can tell.

He also thinks he might be a little crazy, but that’s okay. If it means he’ll get the chance to make it up to you... maybe he’s fine with being crazy.

At some point, Seungmin barges into his room and takes away Hyunjin’s phone, snatching it straight out of his hands like the little thief he is. He keeps it out of reach, preaching bullshit like, “You need to calm down and act like a normal person!”

Fine, whatever.

Hyunjin goes out for some air. And instant ramen.

There’s a twenty-four hour convenience store right on the edge of campus, manned by a single tired university student that everyone is aware of, yet no one really seems to know his name. It’s one of those spots where time doesn’t exist; maybe names don’t, either.

Compared to the blackness of night, the blanch white convenience store sticks out like a sore thumb, especially with all the bright posters and fluorescent tube-lights. Hyunjin feels just as out of place in a place with no people just outside the store, but really, it’s to be expected at a time like two in the morning.

He’s right at the door when it chimes and slides open. And so are you.

Both of you freeze where you are, you in the doorway and he just in front. His jaw slacks slightly as he takes you in.

You’re in casual clothes again, a thick sweater and presumably pyjama pants. This version of you comes with good memories — for some reason he likes it more than he cares to admit. Maybe he liked that you could share a more vulnerable side to him, and he to you in return. Although, you’ve shown this side to even the unnamed convenience store guy.

It’s your voice that breaks him from his reverie.

“Hyunjin,” you say, and it’s softer than before. Maybe your voice is lighter from the fact that it’s two in the morning, maybe just because you’re tired, but a small part of Hyunjin wishes that it’s something else — that you sound softer because you’ve missed him too.

He hopes it isn’t just hope.

He says your name, the sound beautiful and battered on his tongue. A small smile passes your lips, so fast that he almost misses it, but he doesn’t. That’s one thing he knows about you: how much you care. Even if someone hurts you, you always take the time to hear them out. You give them chances. Hyunjin should thank his lucky stars that you’ve done the same for him.

“Hi.”

You smile again, and it reaches your eyes, however sad.

“Is it time?” he asks.

“It can be.” The plastic bag in your hand crinkles as you sway it back and forth. “Do you want it to be?”

“Yeah.” His voice comes out like a breath. “Please.”

“Then that’s what we’ll make it.”

You gesture to the ground, where the curb meets the asphalt, but Hyunjin is still a little shocked that he’s even met you here in the first place, so he watches, dazed, as you sit down on the curb before joining in. He stays silent as you pull out an ice cream cup and hand it to him. He stays silent as you procure a second one and peel open the plastic lid, digging into it with the wooden stick spoon-wannabe that comes with the package. He stays silent as you look at him, the wooden stick hanging from your mouth.

“So,” you say, scraping the side of the paper cup. Meeting his eyes, you sport a sly smile. “I hear you’re in love with me.”

The ice cream stays unopened in his hands. He finds it so easy to smile back.

“Yeah. I think I am.”

“You think you are?”

“I’ve never loved someone like this before,” he tries to explain, though the words are slow to his tongue. “I can only think.”

“I guess so.”

“But—” he looks at his fingers, fiddling with the plastic lid of the cup, and a small laugh escapes “—I’m thinking really, really hard.”

You laugh too; his heart blooms.

“Is that so?” you tease, smiling around the wooden spoon. “It’s gonna take more than that.”

“I think I can do it.”

“You think?”

“I think really hard.”

Hyunjin might be in love with every part of you, even if he never realized. Your laugh, your smile, your tells, your habits. He wishes he knew sooner, that this laugh could’ve been his forever long before now.

You scrape the last drops of ice cream out of the paper cup and leave the stick in your mouth, a bit chewed up. Your shoes tap against the asphalt, the rhythm something that draws both his and your eyes.

“You know...” you say, turning your head to meet his gaze once more. “You know you hurt me, right? You know this won’t be easy?”

“None of what we had was easy.”

A scoff runs past your lips. You bump your shoulder against his. “Speak for yourself. I fell hard and fast for you, asshole.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. I know.” You take the still unopened ice cream from his hands and stuff it right back in the bag it came from. “Say it again, though.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hmmm... maybe it’ll take a few more times.”

“I’m—”

“But not tonight,” you say. “Tonight...”

Your hand beside him closes the distance, grazing over his and pulling it over to your lap.

“...just hold me?”

And he does.

Bonus Part: Huff and Protest

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x reader #stray kids oneshot #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz oneshot #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop oneshot #yeah so this happened #.100 #.200 #.300 #.400 #.500 #.600

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ificouldhelpyouforget · 2 years

Text

Current thoughts on the live performance from SKZ (this morning for me):

The stylists really looked at Chan and said, "One button is all you need for a shirt." 😳 Okay then. Chan biased Stays, are you alive still?

Lee Know fixing his shirt at the end like, whoa buddy. I am loyal to Felix. 😤 But damn, you cute. 👀 *Psst, I'm sorry your outfit was uncomfortable to wear. ☹️*

Why is no one talking about Felix's outfit? Why? I saw a GIF and was like, "Oh, it's Scars all over again and I'm not ready." 😩 The belt, too... 😳👀

Baby bread can no longer be I.N's nickname. Not with that fit or his facial expressions. Nope. But that goofy look when he looks at Changbin is a reminder that he is still baby bread even under all the toast. 😂

Changbin. That is it. That is the bullet point. Changbin biases know. 😏

Frankly, they all looked great and sounded great (Chan's high note was a bit wavery, but he still hit it and held it better than I ever could after dancing around). I dont have much to say on Han, Seungmin, or Hyunjin simply because I only watched Felix and I.N's fancams (and had a better watch of Felix through I.N's during the chorus 👀) and didn't see them much or honestly pay much attention beyond my faves except when Changbin took up the shot in both. Lol. To say I have tunnel vision is an understatement.

#stray kids #skz #felix #lee felix #i.n #yang jeongin #bang chan #lee know #lee minho #changbin #hyunjin #han #han jisung #Seungmin #live performance #the tunnel vision is real when it comes to Felix #it's not as bad with I.N #but I watch him when he's up front

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