An idea came to mind while I was looking through the "Humans are space orcs" tag.

It starts off as your classic "we kidnapped human/s for our space zoo" thing, but this time, the zoo was specifically made for viewing and visiting earth animals.

At first, the human would react as anyone else would. They'd scream, wail, fight, escape, etc.

But, once human/s see how the animals are treated, they immediately get overprotective of them. Whenever they tried to escape, the search would usually end in them finding the human/s inside a different animal cage.

The aliens confused by this, decide to buy a (very expensive) device that allows them to understand the human/s.

Turns out that the human/s are zoologists and made the aliens realise that they were treating the animals there wrong and that they just wanted to help the poor animals because apparently, the aliens weren't actually doing a great job on taking care of them.

Earth Report 0016 - CPR

This is from a prompt from a user on aO3

***

As part of the medical and health-related topics in this section of reports, I would like to make a special report on the topic of cardiopulmonary resuscitation. I’ve covered several “first aid” topics in previous reports, and will likely cover more soon as I continue to study humans, but this particular technique stood out to me in a way that I knew I had to make a report dedicated solely to it. Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, or CPR for short, is an emergency technique that can be performed on a human whose heart has stopped beating. Such a condition can be lethal for humans as they only have one centralized heart. The human heart is a fascinating organ. While strategically contracting and releasing different valves on average over 100,000 times a day, the human heart pumps nearly 3 solaric fluid plinks of blood every mentik. It is, without a doubt, made of some of the most tireless muslce tissue I've ever heard of. Historically, heart problems and diseases are the leading cause of death for humans. I realize that may surprise many. Out of all the crazy things humans do, get into, eat, etc. it’s their own vital organs that most often “do them in,” (a common human euphemism about death. See Report 0005 for more about euphemisms and idioms.) When a human’s heart stops beating, they enter what’s known as “cardiac arrest.” In such a state, their heart cannot pump blood to the rest of the body. For those who know even the basics about human anatomy, it is easy to see just how dangerous and life-threatening this is in only a matter of minutes.

In an effort to save the lives of others, humans of all ages and backgrounds are commonly given basic training in CPR. After ensuring trained professionals are alerted to the medical emergency at hand, checking for a pulse (or lack of), and making sure the afflicted human is flat on their back, the human administering CPR stacks their hands, fingers laced, on the sternum of the afflicted human and administers hand compressions with the sturdy base of their palms.

I’ve attended a training on CPR. The instructor demonstrated how to perform it on a replica human torso made out of rubber and plastic that they call a “dummy.”

If you are even remotely aware of how strong a human can be, you might have some idea of the shock I felt when the instructor told the class to use as much of their body weight as they could to compress the afflicted human’s chest at a depth of nearly 1-2 inches (7 solaric micronills)!

What this means is that the human administering CPR is pushing so hard that they are basically trying to squish the non-beating heart in a pulsing pattern to replicate its natural pumping action and get the heart itself to start beating again on its own.

And it’s not just that either. You have to remember that the heart, being a vital organ, is safely encased in the human’s ribcage. Does this stop them? Absolutely not. In fact, the instructor clearly stated that while performing CPR, if you hear a bone snap or crack, keep going. To quote her, “It’s better to have a broken rib and be alive than no broken bones and be dead.”

Of course, the instructor also gave advice on how to try to avoid fracturing the sternum or ribs, but said that due to the nature of CPR, it happens about 30% of the time.

Beyond beating the heart back to life, CPR also includes forcing air into the afflicted human’s lungs. This happens much less frequently than compressions, and it involves the administering human to get air into the afflicted’s lungs the only way they have available - from their own lungs. They pinch the other’s human’s nose shut, seal their lips over theirs and blow. Those familiar with human displays of affection (see report 0010) may mistake this as a “kiss,” and while it is sometimes called “the kiss of life,” it is far from affectionate in any way. If anything, one might say it is more of a battle, if the opponent of their battle were death itself.

They follow up with more heart compressions and repeat the pattern until emergency medical professionals arrive.

At the end of the demonstration I attended, the instructor commented on the speed of the compressions needed. She referenced two songs, which many in the class began humming to themselves immediately and continued to do so after class. One, I thought was in poor taste, entitled “Another One Bites the Dust.” For those unfamiliar with human idioms (again, see Report 0005) to bite the dust means to die. Seeing as that is the complete opposite outcome hoped for with CPR, I preferred the title of the other song, “Staying Alive.”

She instructed that those administering CPR should perform chest compressions to the beat of one of those songs, hoping that indeed, their fellow human would be “staying alive.”

May the stars above forbid that a human ever tries to perform CPR on me, (or that I'd ever be in a situation where I was incapacitated enough to look like I needed it). Though I think that would be a quick way to go. Thankfully, they do have specialized CPR procedures for their small children and infants, as well as pets and various animals. They all typically involve a lot less... bone-crunching heart squishes.

Alien: "... Why is your humans are space orcs fandom filled with military things and human exceptionalism??"

Delta: "..."

A: "..."

D: "... Y'know how your Hidean(I know it's wrong. Fuck you.) are space Rack (Space orc, if you're dumb) have a lot of military things?"

A: "... Yeah?"

D:

A:

D: *silence intensfides*

A:

D: ... Aren't Hideans smart?

A: "Yeah. We are."

D: ...

A: ...

D: "IT TOOK YOU TWENTY MINUTES."

A: "..." *Stares at wall in shame*

D: "Hideans are smarter than humans."

god i love humans are weird so much

I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...

Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?

Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.

Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.

***

Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.

Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.

The humans response is to climb higher.

***

Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.

Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.

One thing that I am 100% convinced would send an alien into cardiac arrest is sweating.

It sounds stupid but think about it: apart from horses, humans are the only species on earth that can sweat so it's not a far stretch to believe it would be incredibly rare in extraterrestrials as well.

Just imagine, one day the AC in the main engine room is broken and everyone starts panting like crazy because of the heat, but the human? Just keeps working like usual? It's not like they aren't affected by the heat at all, but they aren't breathing quite as hard as the rest and everyone thinks ahh yes, humans must have extreme durability to heat coming from that death planet. And then. The human starts melting?!?? And suddenly everyone is panicking because their human is leaking all sorts of important nutrients, metals and water out of every pore - are they dying? Surely this cannot be normal!

And the human has to explain that, no they are perfectly healthy and yes it is actually just the human body's way of cooling itself down and no they don't think it's "the coolest thing ever!!", wait till it starts to smell!

Human Observation Log 192

Out of concern for our Human crewmate, I tried to warn them about the Nardian that just joined our crew. As you know, Nardian’s are highly volatile and will not hesitate to challenge even weak species to duel. They bath weekly in the blood of animals and come from a planet that is constantly at war. Their aggression is well known to all but when I informed our Human, Kim, they became agitated. They accused me of being ‘racist’ and expressed their ‘deep disappointment.’ 

I do not understand. I was merely concerned for their physical wellbeing. Kim left, declaring their intention to become friends with the Nardian. Human’s do not understand that it is impossible to befriend a Nardian.

Human Observation Log 192: Follow up

The Human has befriended the Nardian. His name is Greg. I have been invited to join them for red mud baths as a form of ‘self-care.’ I am beginning to believe Human Kim could befriend anyone short of an Android.

Human Observation Log 192: Follow up

Human Kim has befriended the Android and I understand nothing.

So, something I learnt the other day. So, you know how dinosaurs supposedly can't see you if you stand still? Well that myth is based on real-life lizards/etc and how eyes in general work. So, once my dad starts infodumping, here comes some other cool information. We, humans, can in fact, also not see something unless it's moving. We fixed this by having our eyes constantly shake. And then our brain compensates for us, so we don't have to have shaky vision.

What if aliens don't have this? Like. What if they find out when one of us was looking at something in the distance, and they walk around this thing that's in front of them, and the alien is confused so they bob their head and oh, there's a thing there, but how did the human know that, and then we explain and they're like, horrified.

Humans are apex predators. They can hunt in packs. They can hunt in pairs. They can hunt on their own. They're persistance predators, which is unheard of. They get stronger when they're mad or scared. They have this thing called 'body language' which acts like a type of hivemind, even if they'll claim it isn't. And. They can see you. When you're not moving. They can still see you. If you ever find yourself in a fight against a human, for whatever reason? Run. Run as fast as you can. And hope, pray if you have a religion, that they won't follow.

I saw a bunch of humans are space orcs, and humans are feared by aliens, etc. and want to add to it.

Kid centre for all alien children/younglings run by humans.

-"Human Kim! Are you all right? Do you seek medical aid??"

"I'm okay! ...why do you ask?"

"You just got bit by Zyz! I'm so sorry, I've told him to not do that with others but-!"

"Hey, it's okay. Look, these things happen and I know that's just your species' way of showing affection. Just tell him to ask next time and to not bite too hard."

"... 'these things happen' .... 'tell him to ask next- human Kim has this happened to you before?!"

"Oh lots of times! I used to work at a daycare on earth before this. Now, you wanna talk about bites let me tell you about Penny, she was a biter. So was my nephew but that was him stimming. I just asked that he get my attention first so as to not startle me."

"Is this the same Penee who gave you 3 stitches?"

"Yep."

-"Human Kim, thank you for helping Pollix become comrades with the other younglings! May I ask how you did it so I may use it in the future?"

"Of course! It wasn't anything special really, we just wrestled which caught the attention of the other kids and soon enough they were cheering for Pollix to win. Then after that Xw and a few others asked Pollix to teach her how to wrestle as well." they finished with a smile.

"YOU WHAT!"

"I-I thought play wrestling and fighting was encouraged among young tighalax. I am so sorry if I did something wrong-!"

"Human Kim, you could have DIED."

"...huh?"

"Tighalaxes have what you call drugs in the points of our tails and one cut should drive you insane. Not only that but we, as younglings, should be nearly twice your body weight. And at this age have yet to control our strength!"

"Ooh so that's why I felt high! Phew! I thought I accidentally ate my weed muffin instead of the regular one, and we can't have that."

"You felt 'high'?"

"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, luckily I usually just get tired and relaxed when high. And for the weight strength part, I grew up babysitting all of my younger siblings and cousins. My child carrying records are 5 4-6 year olds, 4 7-12 year olds, 3 teenagers, and 2 childish giants who are somehow 21 this year."

"...any chance I can bribe you to quit and come work for me and my pack?"

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

Sometimes I think about how the entire history of the advancement of human weapons can be boiled down to: “we found more elaborate ways to hit things with rocks…”

Spears? Sharpened rocks.

Slingshot? Ranged rocks.

Arrows? Sharpened rocks with range.

Hammers/Clubs? Refined rocks.

Swords/axes? Sharpened refined rocks.

Guns? Sharpened, refined rocks, propelled by explosives…

We discovered how to make explosives, and we fine tuned that technology to better propel refined and sharpened rocks at insane distances… we are still hitting things with rocks… we just became experts in the science of hitting things with rocks… The human race is basically just a “dump everything into geology” build…

Friends With Monsters - Part 3

This chapter was inspired by a prompt from a user on ao3. Part 1 Part 2

*** *** ***

If the HWSS Concordia wasn’t the largest ship in the Galatea Trade Alliance, she was definitely one of the most beautiful. Or at least she was to her captain. He saw a lot of himself and his crew reflected in the craft that carried them through the stars. Species from multiple star systems worked, ate, and relaxed side by side with other beings that they might otherwise never come into contact with. It was the same with the ship. Engines crafted on one planet, atmospheric systems designed on another. Raw materials mined from various locations, and technological marvels collaborated on by multitudes of alien engineers. Such a harmonization took work though, and quite a lot of it. And that was true for both the ship and its many parts, and it was certainly true of the crew. Two of the three troublemakers from earlier seemed to be taking the captain’s warning seriously enough. Stern hadn’t had any issues with them in the following two moors since their discussion. In fact, they’d been model crewmates, at their stations right on time or even a bit early for their shifts, helpful to the new recruits, neat and tidy in their down-time, and most importantly, respectful of all crewmates, especially Medic Fehl. The third, unfortunately, couldn’t seem to set aside their prejudices as satisfactorily as the captain ordered. As they had been warned would happen, they were dropped off at the nearest spaceport. Stern alerted proper authorities and requested that they be disciplined and stripped of rank. He doubted it would actually get that far. But he’d push for a demotion at the very least. Such insolence, disobedience, and bigotry should not be tolerated.

In any case, Captain Stern had rid his ship and his crew of a snag in their otherwise smooth machine. “Captain,” a voice from behind pulled Stern out of his thoughts. Stern turned to see Arzhi Fehl walking up behind him in the main corridor. The tall arzhi covered ground quickly with his long strides. The medic nodded respectively and did his best to look demure and gentle as possible. It was strange body language to see from a body so large and battle-capable. Stern did his best to hide a frown. He wondered how much of that body language was just how Fehl normally acted, and how much was learned behavior so as to not scare his arzhi-weary crewmates. “A pleasure to see you Medic Fehl,” Captain Stern returned a polite gesture as greeting and smiled softly. “I’ve been meaning to come down to the med bay to see how you’re settling in. Does the equipment down there meet your standards and expectations?” Fehl nodded. “Everything is great, not just in the med bay, but everywhere. This is one of the finest ships I’ve ever served on, Captain.” “That’s high praise, thank you.” Stern paused for a bit, carefully watching the arzhi’s expressions. “And what of the crew? I hope they’ve been helpful and welcoming?” A flicker of emotion flashed on the medic’s face ever so quickly. It looked like it might be some combination of frustration or sadness or something in that vein. It was replaced with a gentle, resigned smile almost immediately. “More so than what I’d expected, actually. All things considered with my people’s history, things have been much more smooth and calm than what many of my previous constituents thought I’d experience while joining a Galatea crew.”

Stern nodded. He understood what Fehl was meaning without saying. Besides the first few solar cycles, the crew’s interactions with the new medic had greatly improved, but if one looked closely enough, it was clear there was still a strain. A little tightness to a smile here, a subtle tensing of shoulders there, etc. There were only a few members of the crew who were either totally at comfort with the medic or at least good enough actors to pass as comfortable. “I see,” Stern nodded, keeping his expression neutral. “As you said, all things considered, I’d say there’s been quite a bit of improvement with the crew, and I expect that to continue in the coming cycles.” Fehl nodded and glanced down the hall in the direction he’d been walking before, then back to Stern. “If you’re not busy now Captain, you’re more than welcome to join me. I was on my way to the mess hall for a meal now that I’m on standby.” Captain Stern was about to answer when a growling sound from his stomach answered for him. They both laughed for a moment before Captain Stern answered in the affirmative and the pair started walking together down the hall. They walked in comfortable silence for a bit before Fehl spoke up. “I’ve been doing more in-depth research on each species’ needs aboard the ship, especially humans since I’ve not worked near them before. I came across some interesting articles about basic needs.” “Oh yeah?” “Yes, apparently humans require physical touch to help maintain mental health?” Captain Stern nodded. “Yes, and unfortunately many humans, especially those who join off-world crews, often develop symptoms of touch starvation.” “Ah,” Stern nodded. Touch starvation. It was something that, in the early days of human inclusion, many crews often overlooked how important physical touch was to human mental health. It was only after cases of high blood pressure, digestive problems, and anxiety became rampant that preventative measures were made commonplace on ships that hired on humans. He thought back to his human mother. When he’d first left to begin his academy training, he’d been worried about leaving her alone. She’d been “on her own” to use her own words, for several years before she’d adopted Stern, but she assured him that she wasn’t alone. She had a close-knit group of friends and extended family that she could keep companionship with while he was gone. Stern knew she’d be fine with them. He’d been brought along to many family gatherings and outings with friends throughout his upbringing to know that his mother would certainly not be lacking the physical contact and important touches that the human psyche needed. Though she may act like she had been touch-starved whenever Stern was able to make a visit, what with all the embraces and kisses he’d receive as soon as he walked into his childhood home.

“Oh hello human Muriel,” Fehl broke Stern’s flashback. The hallway they’d been walking through merged with another and they’d run into one of the humans on the crew. “On your way for a meal?” Fehl asked casually. Stern was silently impressed at how well the arzhi had picked up his friendly conversational tone. He still had his overall gruff and menacing cadence and aura, but that was more to do with that was just how arzhi body language and how they naturally spoke than anything the medic was consciously trying to do. “I am,” Muriel’s wavy hair bounced with each step, and as she leaned forward slightly to see around Fehl’s large shoulders. “Oh hello, Captain. I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” “Not at all. We’re all just on our way to lunch if you’d like to join us?” “Oh? Sure, that sounds nice,” Muriel smiled gently. Stern nodded and continued walking, but he had to admit that something felt off with the human. His duties as captain kept him busy, but he did try to keep tabs on how each of his crewmembers were doing. Muriel was normally very energetic and happy, but over the past decacycle or so, there was something about her that seemed to be off. While Stern pondered on that, the three walked in relative silence for a few moments before Muriel broke it. “Oh, thanks for the idea about the vitamin D, Fehl. It’s really helped make a difference.” “That’s great to hear!” Fehl rumbled and nodded his large head. “I’m glad my research paid off. Have you felt like you’ve had more energy? “A bit more, yeah…” her last word dragged on a bit and both Fehl and Stern waited for her to say more. When she didn’t, Fehl stopped in the hall. Both Stern and Muriel paused after a few steps and turned back to look at the medic who looked like he was a bit hesitant to say what was on his mind. “Human Muriel, I hope I’m not over-stepping anything, but I’ve recently learned more about humans’ need for physical touch and what effects touch-starvation can have.” He bent down slightly to be more on her level height-wise. “Have you been able to make meaningful physical contact with any of the other humans or members of the crew?” Muriel just stared and blinked for a bit before finally shaking her head side to side. “Do you mind if… would you like a hug now? Something tells me you may need one.” More staring. More blinking. Then finally Muriel, looking between Captain Stern and the concerned medic in front of her, slowly nodded her head up and down. As carefully as he could, and with as much grace as he could, Medic Fehl moved in closer to embrace the smaller human figure. Humans are by no means fragile or dainty, but in the arms of a hulking arzhi, Muriel looked so small, although not uncomfortable. After only a few seconds, Muriel seemed to return the hug in full force with tears forming in her eyes. Before they could fall down her cheeks, Muriel’s breathing began breaking down into sobbing. Medic Fehl pulled back quickly and immediately started to scan over Muriel as if looking for injuries. “Oh I’m so sorry!” Fehl stumbled out, “Where are you hurt? Oh flarg!” Muriel only shook her head and between sobs and hiccups that she was trying to get back under control, she sporadically was able to get out that she was fine. Obviously, that wasn’t the case, but Stern knew that she meant she was physically fine.

Thankfully, Fehl, as a well-trained medic, was level-headed enough to listen to the pair of them explain that he’d done no harm in embracing her. “That’s a relief,” Fehl sighed deeply. “The last thing I need is to create some sort of incident with anyone on the ship, or with humanity as a whole!” He worriedly checkout over Muriel once again. “You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?” “I’m sure,” Muriel gave a chuckle through the tears that were still running rogue from her eyes. She wiped them away again and sniffled for a moment, trying to regain composure. “You… you give really good hugs though. I think I… I think I really needed that. I… I just…” Muriel’s face scrunched up a bit as she was again trying to fight off tears from falling. Fehl glanced at Stern, who nodded silently and smiled encouragingly. After a moment, Fehl stepped closer to Muriel and placed a large hand on her shoulder. “You know, I’m trained in matters of physical health, but your mental health is also vital to your overall wellness. If you need to talk, or if you ever just need… a hug… you can always count on me.” Muriel nodded and slowly leaned into the medic’s chest. Fehl, with only a nanotik’s hesitation, wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. It only lasted a moment, but eventually, Muriel sighed, or maybe yawned, Stern wasn’t quite sure and pulled back to stand straight again. She glanced down the hall behind them, but they were still the only ones in the hall at the time. Her stomach growled and broke the silence, which made the three of them chuckle quietly. “I think that’s our cue to get to the cafeteria,” Stern turned back toward the direction in question. The other two followed along happily. Lunch was great. Stern had made sure the kitchen staff was top-notch when he’d hired them. Others in the crew filed in as their meal breaks came up. Seeing the captain and a human sitting next to Medic Fehl, a few others approached to sit at their table, and soon a lively conversation was started, to which Fehl seemed to participate comfortably. Over the next few cycles, Stern would notice a few more humans visiting the medical bay while he was walking by on his breaks. He’d check in to make sure there wasn’t something concerning going on that he hadn’t been made aware of. Thankfully, it turned out it was nothing he needed to worry about at all. If anything, it was a huge win for his plans of getting the humans to help improve the medic's social standing on the ship. Apparently, word had gotten around that Medic Fehl gave really good hugs.

I just love the "they're more scared of you than you are of them" thing because, yeah, Earth is a Deathworld filled with very dangerous beings, but also everyone in it is scared and would rather not interact with each other unless necessary

Alien: This is a very dangerous animal!

Human: Don't worry, we'll just walk away.

Alien: But it's watching us!

Human: It's hoping we leave already, so we're leaving.

Alien: It... It is?

Human: Yeah, it is more scared of us than we are of it. Let's go before the fight instinct kicks in because then it'll become a dangerous animal

Alien:...

Human: *crying, in pain, experiencing minor neurological symptoms* This is delicious, what's in it? Alien: ...our strongest, deadliest poison. Human: How much for a bottle to send home? My mom would absolutely love it. Alien: If you let a team of our finest scientists deliver it and study her reaction, it's free. Human: Sweet, I'm sure she'd be up for that, let me give her a call--

There's the urban legend that some japanese companies will hire a "loud American." A person who is just there to voice complaints to the boss when others cant.

I had an idea today that alien ships might hire "The Human!" A person who is just there to just stand there and looks like the be the big, tough, indestructible threat of a being that the galaxy knows humans are.

Doesnt matter who the human is. Big or small, male or female, a tough soldier or more gentle than a newborn. They just have to be present and let the reputation of humans speak for itself.

Is the captain trying to enforce an unpopular regulation on the crew? Ask The Human to have a private meeting and voice the complaints.

Trying to sell some goods but the buyer wants to renegotiate the price to be more unfair to you? Ask The Human to be there at the negotiating table.

That jerk at the bar keeps pestering you with their mating display, because they want to be the one to fertilize your eggs wont take no for an answer? Ask The Human to escort you back to your quarters.

Not sure if the neighborhood where you're making the delivery is a safe one? Just ask that lovely human if they wouldnt mind putting down their crochet and coming with you. They might be extra thrilled if you mention they could take their pet with them, for a walk.

Humans are average at everything

And that makes other species crazy

"You swim well for your limb configuration but you will never be as fast in water as a Majoriranji."

Mo agreed with a nod. "They have fins, it's an unfair contest really."

"Nacbaqurs climb cliffs better than humans."

"Longer limbs, more fingers, that's no surprise. I know some elite climbers who could keep up but mostly ture enough."

"Chexits run much faster."

"Ah," Mo raised a finger. "They run on four legs, different configuration, unfair comparison. "

"My point is still valid. And you don't fly either."

"Mmm, no," Mo stopped to consider that one. "I don't think we have a winged ancestor. I have been sky diving, though, so I'm sure we missed out there."

"Sky diving? No, I have no wish to know. My question is this, why are you so feared? You cannot swim like a Majoriranji, or climb like a Nacbaqur, or run like a Chexit. Can you do anything special? Why should anyone be scared of humans?"

"Is that why you captured us? That's what you want to know?" Mo smiled as he leaned back in his chair. He had been afraid. Now he was amused.

He knew rescue was on the way. Just before the invaders managed to grab him and the other researchers, they were able to send a distress call. The Earth Alliance took attacks on their people seriously, they knew swift responses discouraged casual piracy.

"Okay, you'll probably be dead soon anyway so I'll give you a freebie. We're not the fastest swimmers, but most of us can swim and dive, and we can all hold our breath. We're not the fastest climbers, but our ancestors lived in trees, tall canopy plants, we can all climb. We're not the fastest runners, but we're not bad in a sprint, and we'll still be going hours after your fancy fast runners have collapsed and died of exhaustion. We don't have to be the best at one thing when we can be pretty good at just about everything."