#humans space orc
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An idea came to mind while I was looking through the "Humans are space orcs" tag.
It starts off as your classic "we kidnapped human/s for our space zoo" thing, but this time, the zoo was specifically made for viewing and visiting earth animals.
At first, the human would react as anyone else would. They'd scream, wail, fight, escape, etc.
But, once human/s see how the animals are treated, they immediately get overprotective of them. Whenever they tried to escape, the search would usually end in them finding the human/s inside a different animal cage.
The aliens confused by this, decide to buy a (very expensive) device that allows them to understand the human/s.
Turns out that the human/s are zoologists and made the aliens realise that they were treating the animals there wrong and that they just wanted to help the poor animals because apparently, the aliens weren't actually doing a great job on taking care of them.
#humans are space australians#humans are space orc#humans are deathworlders#humans are insane#humans space orc#humans are weird#humans are space oddities#humans#humans being humans
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I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...
Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?
Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.
Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.
***
Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.
Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.
The humans response is to climb higher.
***
Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.
Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.
#funny#humans are space orcs#humans are weird#adorable#cute#humans are space australians#humans are space oddities#humans are space cats#feel free to add to this
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One thing that I am 100% convinced would send an alien into cardiac arrest is sweating.
It sounds stupid but think about it: apart from horses, humans are the only species on earth that can sweat so it's not a far stretch to believe it would be incredibly rare in extraterrestrials as well.
Just imagine, one day the AC in the main engine room is broken and everyone starts panting like crazy because of the heat, but the human? Just keeps working like usual? It's not like they aren't affected by the heat at all, but they aren't breathing quite as hard as the rest and everyone thinks ahh yes, humans must have extreme durability to heat coming from that death planet. And then. The human starts melting?!?? And suddenly everyone is panicking because their human is leaking all sorts of important nutrients, metals and water out of every pore - are they dying? Surely this cannot be normal!
And the human has to explain that, no they are perfectly healthy and yes it is actually just the human body's way of cooling itself down and no they don't think it's "the coolest thing ever!!", wait till it starts to smell!
#humans are eldritch horrors#humans are space orcs#humans are space oddities#humans are deathworlders#humans are space australians
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Human Observation Log 192
Out of concern for our Human crewmate, I tried to warn them about the Nardian that just joined our crew. As you know, Nardian’s are highly volatile and will not hesitate to challenge even weak species to duel. They bath weekly in the blood of animals and come from a planet that is constantly at war. Their aggression is well known to all but when I informed our Human, Kim, they became agitated. They accused me of being ‘racist’ and expressed their ‘deep disappointment.’
I do not understand. I was merely concerned for their physical wellbeing. Kim left, declaring their intention to become friends with the Nardian. Human’s do not understand that it is impossible to befriend a Nardian.
Human Observation Log 192: Follow up
The Human has befriended the Nardian. His name is Greg. I have been invited to join them for red mud baths as a form of ‘self-care.’ I am beginning to believe Human Kim could befriend anyone short of an Android.
Human Observation Log 192: Follow up
Human Kim has befriended the Android and I understand nothing.
#humans are space orcs#humans are weird#human's will pack bond with anything and any one#space#space ship#crew#humanity#aliens
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So, something I learnt the other day. So, you know how dinosaurs supposedly can't see you if you stand still? Well that myth is based on real-life lizards/etc and how eyes in general work. So, once my dad starts infodumping, here comes some other cool information. We, humans, can in fact, also not see something unless it's moving. We fixed this by having our eyes constantly shake. And then our brain compensates for us, so we don't have to have shaky vision.
What if aliens don't have this? Like. What if they find out when one of us was looking at something in the distance, and they walk around this thing that's in front of them, and the alien is confused so they bob their head and oh, there's a thing there, but how did the human know that, and then we explain and they're like, horrified.
Humans are apex predators. They can hunt in packs. They can hunt in pairs. They can hunt on their own. They're persistance predators, which is unheard of. They get stronger when they're mad or scared. They have this thing called 'body language' which acts like a type of hivemind, even if they'll claim it isn't. And. They can see you. When you're not moving. They can still see you. If you ever find yourself in a fight against a human, for whatever reason? Run. Run as fast as you can. And hope, pray if you have a religion, that they won't follow.
#humans are space fae#humans are space orcs#humans are the weird ones#humans are space australians#earth is a deathworld#humans are deathworlders
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I saw a bunch of humans are space orcs, and humans are feared by aliens, etc. and want to add to it.
Kid centre for all alien children/younglings run by humans.
-"Human Kim! Are you all right? Do you seek medical aid??"
"I'm okay! ...why do you ask?"
"You just got bit by Zyz! I'm so sorry, I've told him to not do that with others but-!"
"Hey, it's okay. Look, these things happen and I know that's just your species' way of showing affection. Just tell him to ask next time and to not bite too hard."
"... 'these things happen' .... 'tell him to ask next- human Kim has this happened to you before?!"
"Oh lots of times! I used to work at a daycare on earth before this. Now, you wanna talk about bites let me tell you about Penny, she was a biter. So was my nephew but that was him stimming. I just asked that he get my attention first so as to not startle me."
"Is this the same Penee who gave you 3 stitches?"
"Yep."
-"Human Kim, thank you for helping Pollix become comrades with the other younglings! May I ask how you did it so I may use it in the future?"
"Of course! It wasn't anything special really, we just wrestled which caught the attention of the other kids and soon enough they were cheering for Pollix to win. Then after that Xw and a few others asked Pollix to teach her how to wrestle as well." they finished with a smile.
"YOU WHAT!"
"I-I thought play wrestling and fighting was encouraged among young tighalax. I am so sorry if I did something wrong-!"
"Human Kim, you could have DIED."
"...huh?"
"Tighalaxes have what you call drugs in the points of our tails and one cut should drive you insane. Not only that but we, as younglings, should be nearly twice your body weight. And at this age have yet to control our strength!"
"Ooh so that's why I felt high! Phew! I thought I accidentally ate my weed muffin instead of the regular one, and we can't have that."
"You felt 'high'?"
"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, luckily I usually just get tired and relaxed when high. And for the weight strength part, I grew up babysitting all of my younger siblings and cousins. My child carrying records are 5 4-6 year olds, 4 7-12 year olds, 3 teenagers, and 2 childish giants who are somehow 21 this year."
"...any chance I can bribe you to quit and come work for me and my pack?"
#aliens#humans are space oddities#humans are space orcs#the adventures of kim and max running a space child care centre
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I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.
Alien: "What. What..?"
Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*
Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."
Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*
Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*
Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*
Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."
#inspired by the hill of mosquito corpes i've placed on top of the fridge#aliens#humans are space orcs#humans are weird#humans are space oddities#space australia#humans are space fae#humans are space australians#humans and aliens
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Sometimes I think about how the entire history of the advancement of human weapons can be boiled down to: “we found more elaborate ways to hit things with rocks…”
Spears? Sharpened rocks.
Slingshot? Ranged rocks.
Arrows? Sharpened rocks with range.
Hammers/Clubs? Refined rocks.
Swords/axes? Sharpened refined rocks.
Guns? Sharpened, refined rocks, propelled by explosives…
We discovered how to make explosives, and we fine tuned that technology to better propel refined and sharpened rocks at insane distances… we are still hitting things with rocks… we just became experts in the science of hitting things with rocks… The human race is basically just a “dump everything into geology” build…
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I just love the "they're more scared of you than you are of them" thing because, yeah, Earth is a Deathworld filled with very dangerous beings, but also everyone in it is scared and would rather not interact with each other unless necessary
Alien: This is a very dangerous animal!
Human: Don't worry, we'll just walk away.
Alien: But it's watching us!
Human: It's hoping we leave already, so we're leaving.
Alien: It... It is?
Human: Yeah, it is more scared of us than we are of it. Let's go before the fight instinct kicks in because then it'll become a dangerous animal
Alien:...
#humans are space fae#humans being humans#humans are deathworlders#humans are space oddities#humans are space orcs#humans are weird#humans are space australians
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Human: *crying, in pain, experiencing minor neurological symptoms* This is delicious, what's in it?
Alien: ...our strongest, deadliest poison.
Human: How much for a bottle to send home? My mom would absolutely love it.
Alien: If you let a team of our finest scientists deliver it and study her reaction, it's free.
Human: Sweet, I'm sure she'd be up for that, let me give her a call--
#pedanticblah#humans are weird#humans are space orcs#this post brought to you by my dinner tonight#there were no minor neurological symptoms#unless you count the temperature fuckery spicy food causes#but i had tears streaming down my face#and my only concern was not dripping them into the sauce#(it was garlic sauce for anyone curious)
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Humans are average at everything
And that makes other species crazy
"You swim well for your limb configuration but you will never be as fast in water as a Majoriranji."
Mo agreed with a nod. "They have fins, it's an unfair contest really."
"Nacbaqurs climb cliffs better than humans."
"Longer limbs, more fingers, that's no surprise. I know some elite climbers who could keep up but mostly ture enough."
"Chexits run much faster."
"Ah," Mo raised a finger. "They run on four legs, different configuration, unfair comparison. "
"My point is still valid. And you don't fly either."
"Mmm, no," Mo stopped to consider that one. "I don't think we have a winged ancestor. I have been sky diving, though, so I'm sure we missed out there."
"Sky diving? No, I have no wish to know. My question is this, why are you so feared? You cannot swim like a Majoriranji, or climb like a Nacbaqur, or run like a Chexit. Can you do anything special? Why should anyone be scared of humans?"
"Is that why you captured us? That's what you want to know?" Mo smiled as he leaned back in his chair. He had been afraid. Now he was amused.
He knew rescue was on the way. Just before the invaders managed to grab him and the other researchers, they were able to send a distress call. The Earth Alliance took attacks on their people seriously, they knew swift responses discouraged casual piracy.
"Okay, you'll probably be dead soon anyway so I'll give you a freebie. We're not the fastest swimmers, but most of us can swim and dive, and we can all hold our breath. We're not the fastest climbers, but our ancestors lived in trees, tall canopy plants, we can all climb. We're not the fastest runners, but we're not bad in a sprint, and we'll still be going hours after your fancy fast runners have collapsed and died of exhaustion. We don't have to be the best at one thing when we can be pretty good at just about everything."
#humans are space orcs#haso#writer#writers on tumblr#humans are space australians#humans are joats#jack of all trades
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There's the urban legend that some japanese companies will hire a "loud American." A person who is just there to voice complaints to the boss when others cant.
I had an idea today that alien ships might hire "The Human!" A person who is just there to just stand there and looks like the be the big, tough, indestructible threat of a being that the galaxy knows humans are.
Doesnt matter who the human is. Big or small, male or female, a tough soldier or more gentle than a newborn. They just have to be present and let the reputation of humans speak for itself.
Is the captain trying to enforce an unpopular regulation on the crew? Ask The Human to have a private meeting and voice the complaints.
Trying to sell some goods but the buyer wants to renegotiate the price to be more unfair to you? Ask The Human to be there at the negotiating table.
That jerk at the bar keeps pestering you with their mating display, because they want to be the one to fertilize your eggs wont take no for an answer? Ask The Human to escort you back to your quarters.
Not sure if the neighborhood where you're making the delivery is a safe one? Just ask that lovely human if they wouldnt mind putting down their crochet and coming with you. They might be extra thrilled if you mention they could take their pet with them, for a walk.
#funny#lol#cute#humans are space orcs#humans are weird#humans are space australians#humans are space oddities
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Humans are weird
Have yall noticed how we somehow have strange aversions towards lights?? Like maybe not all of us, but we kind of know that if someone is sitting in the dark, you either leave them or join them. Like last night, I walked into class and there was just one guy there and the lights were off so i just sat down, 30 minutes later everyone else was in and the lights were still off. Only turned it on when the professor came in...
So like imagine aliens finding us huddled in a dark room, with our phones and what-nots, silently laughing at something we read, maybe there are other aliens with us who doesn’t really like light but we don't know that cus it's dark and also we didn't bother to check. Then one crewmate just turns on the lights and we all collectively hiss like a vampire or hide like bugs, so they just turn it back off and stumble blindly into the room until they find—feel through whatever they came for and leaves. No one ever mentions it.
#humans are deathworlders#humans are space oddities#humans are space australians#humans are space orcs#humans are strange#humans are space fae#humans are weird#human#humans
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I don't know if anyone said this before, but, I think the one thing that would put the fear of an alien god into an alien would be just how territorial humans are.
Humans generally have small territories tightly packed against others, sometimes even on top of each other. They are social creatures, after all, and seem to enjoy inviting each other to their territories that might even contain other species!
So, you would think they would welcome other visitors, right?
Wrong. Humans are wildly territorial to the point even something as harmless as a fruit fly is murdered on sight. Then, surely they must allow other predators that repel such creatures, right? Wrong again, even 'useful' ones likes spiders are shown no mercy.
Alien: I apologize but I'm struggling to grasp this concept. You said you killed that arachnid as there was a possibility it could come in contact with your sleeping quarters. Doesn't your feline companion frequent there? I'm sure it couldn't do more damage than an apex predator?
Human: Uhh, okay let me rephrase that; it isn't about coming in contact with my stuff. It's about me allowing it. Mr. Pickle Jar is allowed to be here and touch my things, that spider isn't. So, it needs to die.
Alien, writing DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING UNLESS SAID OTHERWISE in big bold letters in the notepad: Ah, I see. Thanks for sharing.
#humans are space orcs#humans are weird#humans are space oddities#Sure tumblr this can be a writing prompt why not#writing#writing prompt
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Vocal Mimicry and Ear Worms
Every time the drink machine finished, it played a little song.
It was pretty simple, less than 10 notes, but it was the same song, every time.
It wasn't even that it played the same song every time. It wasn't even that everyone on the ship - except the humans - got a drink from the machine.
The song was catchy.
Peg started it. She just found her self whistling the "drink finished" song one day. "beep beepita beep beep beep beepita beeeeeeep." She couldn't help it.
Then, Kelly picked it up. The song worked its way into her head too. She'd be working at her station and suddenly she'd be struck by an intense need to sing the song.
After about three cycles, every single human on the ship was singing it. Normally, this would be chalked up by the rest of the crew as "just another strange Human thing" but the problem was that it was the 'drink finished' song. Everyone onboard was conditioned to want to go get their drink when the song was done.
The humans could mimic is perfectly.
"beep beepita beep beep beep beepita beeeeeeep."
Captain Flowing River Rapid's feathers fluffed in irritation. Two people on the Command Deck got three quarters of the way out of their seats before they realized what they were doing and sat back down, sheepish. "Desmond! What have I said about mimicing the drink finished melody?"
Desmond ducked his head at the reproach. "Sorry Captain River, I couldn't help it. It's just so catchy."
Captain River clacked his beak. "It wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that you can all mimic the sound so well."
Desmond turned and looked at the Captain. "What? We are? We're singing it, but it doesn't sound exactly like the drink machine."
The Captain pointed at Desmond accusingly. "Don't deny it! You're all singing the song at all times of the cycle! You know that everyone thinks a drink is ready when you do it. You sound exactly like the machine!"
One of the Sefigans who got partially up from their station nods quickly, their antenna bobbing. "Captain River is correct, Des. You all really sound a lot like the drink machine. How are you doing it?"
Desmond shrugged. "I mean, we heard the song, and it gets like, stuck in our heads. Singing it feels like one way to get it out. Plus, it's fun to sing Kel. Fun to make sounds."
Kel's wing covers clack. "Can you mimic other things?"
"I don't know Kel, I don't really think of myself as a mimic. There are others who can do it much better than me. Some humans made a whole career out of it."
"That sounds like a thing I human would do, yes. But what about your Des? Let's see...." Kel looks down at their station. "What about this?"
Kes runs a test for the collision alarm. It's a warbling rising and falling tone."
Des thinks for a second and sings - for him - a pretty close approximation.
Captain River gasps and leans back in his chair. "How do you do that?"
Desmond wails. "It wasn't even that good! I just heard the tones and repeated them."
Kelly entered the Command Deck just then. She was carrying a pad and her overalls looked stained. "Captain River, I've just come to report tha-"
"Kelly! Mimic the collision alarm"
"What? Um.." Kelly makes the same noise."
Now, everyone on the Command Desk gasps. Kelly is taken aback and looks at Desmond. "What's going on Des?"
Desmond sighs. "They say we're all mimics. It started with the drink machine."
"Oh that. I still can't get it out of my head! 'beep beepita beep beep beep beepita beeeeeeep.'"
Kes starts to rise from his seat again and catches himself, and sits back down swearing.
#humans are deathworlders#writing#sci fi writing#jpitha#humans are space oddities#humans are space orcs#humans are space australians#humans and aliens#humans are space capybaras
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Humans are space orcs/Earth is a deathworld concept I haven’t seen brought up yet:
On earth, there is no such thing as a true herbivore. As far as I know, every animal will eat meat if given the chance. Hares have been known to scavenge dead animal carcasses in the winter, when food is scarce. Wild sheep and deer will eat grouse and seabird chicks to supplement their diet. A couple years ago there were videos going around of horses eating live birds. I won’t link it, but you can look it up on youtube if you want.
The point is, every animal on earth is an omnivore if they’re hungry enough or lacking certain minerals in their diet. Even if they aren’t built for it, herbivores will eat meat to survive.
I wonder if that makes us unique. Imagine an alien race invading earth, only to be horrified by what they find. Mice killing and eating their own young. Domesticated cows eating carrion. Seemingly docile species becoming engulfed in bloodlust. I wonder if this is the reason earth was written off as a deathworld, because everything on it is able and willing to eat other animals alive.
#earth is a deathworld#humans are deathworlders#humans are space orcs#humans are space oddities#earth is space australia
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