#however i do wonder why he's chosen to confide in me. why he asked me to keep him accountable for something
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am I simply............. to be an educational pit stop and temporarily necessary mental/emotional/spiritual support for the men I love for all time?? like yes the two boys I've loved in my life I DID love with all my heart however the first only started reading the Bible regularly and investing in his church community after I broke up with him (these were things I kept suggesting while we dated, but which he brushed off and didn't take seriously) and now it's looking like I am an emotional bookmark for the second. like I'm in between one page of his life and the next, and am helping him process and am teaching him how to deal with his emotions properly, but what I'm doing for him is literally all that I will be to him, and he likely won't remember me when I move out of the dorm and graduate.
#i DO love him i DO want to help him#however i do wonder why he's chosen to confide in me. why he asked me to keep him accountable for something#that by all rights was his responsibility and his own romantic business#he IS young and he IS kind of immature in this area and i get why he asked me. i really do. he was afraid and i'm his friend.#but anywayyyyy this has been a TIME#i am trying not to be like well why is it my job to better these men#not to give myself too much credit LOLLLLL it's not like i'm drastically shaping them in any way shape or form#it's just. i know how much attention and hidden care and worry and affection and consideration i put into all of this#i too would like to experience it the other way around#where i am not the only one who is paying attention to these things and wanting to support and care for and watch over the other person#not that i'm doing anything with the expectation of reciprocity. goodness no i'm not stupid enough to expect anything now#but it would be really nice. REALLY NICE. to not be giving and giving and giving#and then going back to my room and then crying my eyes out because it feels like it's either all for nothing or has no weight to the boy#the waiting room chapter
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chosen one | h.p.
a/n: the lack of harry james potter fanfiction on this site is blasphemous. if you have any recommendations (smut or fluff), please send them my way. love you!
warnings: maybe one cuss word? not proofread.
Being friends with the “Chosen One” wasn’t easy. And even harder than that? Having feelings for him. You and Harry had been friends since first year, after you left your impression on him by making fun of his hair. You were unaware of his celebrity status at the time. However, you like to think that even if you did know, you still would’ve made fun of him.
Six years of being friends with the boy had led to a lot of sleepless nights for many reasons: assisting him in his fight, helping each other with homework, late night therapy in front of the fire, and so much more. More than anything, though, was you laying awake late at night, alone in your bed, wondering how the hell you had managed to fall for the most unavailable boy on the planet.
See, while he quite literally had all kinds of people lining up for a chance with him, he responded the same to each of them: “Sorry, I don’t have time for a relationship right now.”
It made you so upset with yourself, knowing that that was the case, yet you were unable to suppress your feelings. It drove you crazy.
A rainy night in the middle of your 6th year, Harry was in Dumbledore’s office for a reason unbeknownst to you. You and Hermione sat curled up on the couch, her listening as you talked about the boy.
“I feel so silly, ‘Mione,” you spoke. “ I don’t have a chance with him at all, yet I can’t get these feelings out of my head. I feel… pathetic, almost. It just drives me crazy. He’s so… charming. And his confidence and attitude are just so infectious. He makes me want to wake up in the morning. I see myself having a future with him. But, I mean, if he doesn’t have time for a relationship with all the other lovely people that ask him, then why would Harry have feelings for me?”
What you didn’t realize, however, was that Harry had heard your confession. Silently shutting the portrait hole door before he had even walked in, he went to go find Ron. Harry had a plan.
It was about a week later when you and Hermione had come down for breakfast, only to see Harry and Ron in deep, hushed conversation. You couldn’t hear what either of them were saying, save for a few whispers of a ‘confession’. You figured it had to do with one of Harry’s newest ‘missions’ for Dumbledore. If you had to know, he’d tell you.
Neither of them noticed your presence until you spoke. “Morning, boys! You’re not usually up this early. Anything important going on?”
Ron’s face began to turn red, Harry shifting in his seat.
“Er- hello, y/n!” Harry said.
“Bloody hell…” Ron mumbled under his breath. The dark haired boy was absolutely hopeless.
You didn’t really suspect anything, seeing as Harry was always quite socially awkward, despite being confident. It was part of his charm.
You didn’t start questioning anything until about 30 minutes later, after Harry had been staring off into space for about 20 minutes… in your general direction.
“What? Is there something on my face?” you asked him, snapping him out of his reverie.
“Your face- er, no. Will you come to the common room with me? I think I forgot- erm- something. For class.”
You raised an eyebrow at him. “But Harry, we have a free period first- oh!”
Before you could even question his discrepancy, the boy had gently grabbed your wrist and was pulling you towards the exit. Concerned, you turned around to shoot a look at Ron and Hermione. Both of them had the most evil smirks on their faces. Merlin… you were fucked.
Harry stayed silent on the walk (well, you were being dragged) to his dorm. He refused to answer any of your questions. His face grew redder by the minute. Finally, you were sat on his bed, watching him pace across his dorm, nervously wringing his hands.
“Harry!” you called out, stopping him in his tracks. “I”m worried! What’s going on?”
“I had this whole big plan for how I was going to go about this. I was going to use my bottle of Felix and then we were going to have picnic with all your favorites by the lake and then when we were talking I was going to-”
“Harry, spit it out!”
“Will you go out with me?”
“...what?”
The six words that came out of his mouth made you feel like time had stopped. Never in all your years of living did you think something like this would happen.
“Harry, this is a sick joke. I know you like a good prank here and there, but this is too far. I can’t believe-”
“It’s not a prank, y/n. It’s not a prank.” Defeated, Harry sat on the bed opposite of you. “I heard you talking to Hermione that night last week, so Ron and I came up with this elaborate plan for me to ask you out. I had a speech prepared and everything. I was about ready to piss my pants at the table.” he breathed out, flustered.
“Yeah… you sure looked like it,” you started, receiving a snarky look from the boy. “But, if you wanted to ask me out, then why’d you tell everyone else that you didn’t have time for a relationship?”
“I didn’t want to risk a relationship with someone else, because the only person I wanted to be with was you. I’ve liked you for so long, y/n. You don’t even know.”
You blinked at him, completely shocked. “Harry, with all due respect, I think I do know. I’ve liked you for years.”
He looked up at you. “Can I kiss you?”
“...yeah.”
And a soft whisper of “brilliant!” was the last thing you heard before you saw stars beneath your eyelids. His lips met yours, the two of you connecting in a way that could only be described as… magic. He tasted like chocolate, pumpkin, and spice, and by god, was it addicting. From the one kiss, you couldn’t get enough.
Finally, after a blissful time, the two of you broke apart, breathing heavily. Your forehead met his.
“So,” he started, a cocky smirk on his face. “You see yourself having a future with me, huh?”
You smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “Slow down, Chosen One. I can still say no.”
You grinned at him. You knew for a fact you wouldn’t be saying no anytime soon. This was the right life for you.
#a writes#harry potter#hogwarts#harry potter smut#harry potter fluff#harry potter imagine#harry james potter#harry james potter x reader#harry potter x reader#harry james potter fluff#harry james potter smut
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I definitely wasn't binging through Krulu's tag like a horny depraved soul with no life (which i am) when i found this:
Pinnie I need to know how Krulu responds/reacts to Admin's existential crisis and crippling anxiety telling them that they're useless to him now that he has no need to hide and he can just dispose of them if he wants to.
[Fem reader.]
TW: Slight angst; Religious mindsets.
It's wonderful seeing your lord in such high spirits.
You never made note of it before, mostly to avoid being insulting, but it bothered you that Krulu felt unsafe all the time, resigned himself to the darkness of his sacred floor, didn't look beyond the walls of The Clergy's Eye or set foot onto his own garden.
It was disheartening.
He's a god! He's your god! He should face the world with nothing but pride and elegance, his might is to be witnessed and revered by all- Hiding is unbecoming of his perfect nature.
You suppose you have to thank Miara for all of this. For the safety and confidence Krulu now exudes, for the push she gave him to finally finally impregnate you- For your beautiful baby boys who have now grown up to take Earth's main annexes by storm! Life is good.
Life is wonderful.
But it's so, so scary...
Ever since your higher stopped using you as a vessel -There's no need for such anymore, after all- A depressing distance has been cast between you two. Something stifling.
You're so very happy for him, for Adelo and Adrul who can now communicate with their second father openly, see him in the flesh so much more often than they once did, for the two of you even -Because you do like witnessing Krulu's glory- But... Things just aren't the same.
You no longer feel Krulu in the back of your mind, caressing your thoughts and murmuring to you. His presence on your body is so diminished you feel naked. Unsafe. Out of sorts. You feel useless as his servant. This isn't right. It's something you're ashamed to admit, but you wish he'd return to your form.
What's wrong with you? To be wishing misery upon your lord...
You're his chosen, you're the mother of the rulers of Eden and Perdition, you're loved dearly by your lord and your angel- So... So why is it that you feel small? Like an ant? Without Krulu... You're just a human. Just a girl.
Tears prick at your eyes.
It's stupid, it's so stupid. You should be happy. This is a day of celebration! Your sons have come to The Clergy to partake in celebration with their parents and the core team after their impressive feats. And instead of spending quality time with the people closest to you...
You're sobbing on a faraway bench.
Pathetic.
You don't even hear the footfalls approaching steadily.
" Chosen. "
To say you sprung up like a startled feline is to put it flatteringly lightly. Your lord stares at you from a great height, gaze ever hardened, though you've been his servant long enough to spot the creases of worry in the corners of his eyes.
" M- My lord, excuse me- I'll be joining the festivities in no time. " You stammer, wiping the tear trails on your face and hoping your makeup isn't smudged to absolute shit. But it probably is.
Krulu makes a chuff, then takes a seat beside your figure, not looking directly at you. One set of arms rests on their hips, another steeples its fingers, the remaining one adjusts some of his jewelry.
" Speak. What troubles you? "
To the point. You've come to love that about him.
" Nothing serious, my worship. " You sigh. " You know how fragile the human mind is, I'm just being silly. "
The siadar's tail rattles across the floor.
" Our minds may no longer be interwoven, but make no mistake, I know when you dare lie to me. " He warns, eyes narrowed. " Your pain is still my pain, however. And to hurt me is not wise. "
You curl further into yourself on the bench, sniffling. " My deepest apologies- "
" I will not ask twice. What ails you? "
Slowly, you crane your neck back, meeting only the charred side of Krulu's face. With perhaps the most shaky and futile of inhales, your lips let loose.
" I'm scared. "
The siadar straightens slightly.
" My lord, I would never doubt your words- But I doubt myself. We aren't as close as we once were, and that's amazing! That's good! But... I feel so hollow without you in my body. What duty do I have now? I know it's stupid of me -I know I'm foolish- But ever since you've ceased to use me as a vessel, I've been so... Miserable. "
The shame coating your cheeks burns brighter than a thousand dawns, so you opt to bore holes into the stone of the garden's pathway.
There's a deep rumble from beside you, and soon, your small frame is lifted, deposited in the crevice where your lord's long legs cross, facing forward to the garden's expanse just as he does.
" You are going through withdrawal. "
Krulu begins, giving all your thoughts pause.
" Have been, for quite some time. "
Four hands touch your body, two loop around your neck in a familiar hold that has you sighing in comfort. The other pair rubs your sides up and down.
" I never did think it had reached this state, but then, you have a most insufferable habit of hiding your distress from me. "
" I... I don't want to disappoint. "
The implication is loud, even without being verbalized. A pause passes.
" Pray tell, what bred the idea into your mind that the mother of my heirs is expendable? " He challenges, met with silence for a few moments.
" Was it something I imparted onto you? "
And, when you think about it deeper, there was never a moment where Krulu made you feel as if you were nothing but a body. Or that you would someday outlive your use. Your sentiments are strange and you can't place their source aptly.
" Never! I don't recall a single thing you've said or done to me that could cause this- I think I'm just... Having some type of episode? " What a wonderful thing to say, you snort inwardly to yourself. Yes, you're going mental.
" Episode, hm? " Krulu chuckles above you. " Close enough. You got there on your own, songbird. "
" I- Lord Master, I beg your pardon? " Did he actually confirm you're going insane?
The siadar shudders at the title bestowed upon him, a squeeze of powerful claws reminding you not to rile him up now. It slipped.
" Just as when I took hold of your form your organism experienced many changes, you are now going through several more as well. " He explains simply. " My departure is intense, I would be alerted if you did not react to it. "
You blink, staring into his blazing orange hues. " ... But it has been years, lordship. "
Krulu's grin turns slightly mocking. " Indeed it has. "
You can only blink vapidly again, prompting him to laugh loudly and pet you almost condescendingly.
" How many years did you live as my vessel, lesser? "
Oh. Oh.
No fucking wonder you've been feeling this way for so long. Oh boy, this is going to take a long while... Who knew a hormonal imbalance could last this long, and be this devastating. Maybe to a doctor, it would be extremely common knowledge, but you often forget said information, because it hardly ever holds relevance these days.
You feel even dumber now. Dumb as a door. May the ground grow a hole and consume you immediately.
The berating inner-monologue about to kickstart in your mind is halted entirely by the sensation of Krulu's thin lips against the top of your head as the massive entity curls to shield you from the world at large.
" You are hereby ordered to seek me as soon as these flares of inadequacy show themselves, understood? " Even if his words hold supreme authority, you feel the insurmountable care behind them.
" My chosen is my adored and my adored is the light of this decrepit world. You hold more value than the universe could ever hope to achieve to me, yet you do not even realize it. " He whispers.
And you cry.
You sob like a fucking baby.
You wail into your lord's arms, full of relief, of love, passion and reverence and complete fanaticism- Enough euphoria to blind you for seconds of total bliss. It's almost like an orgasm, in a peculiar way.
He holds you throughout the entire catharsis, silent, stable like a stone wall. Only when your quiet sniffling has petered out does he speak again.
" Come to us, Adrul did say he has many tales of his time in Wrath. His mother should listen. "
You stand with Krulu's help, a smile as bright as the sun on your face.
Everything is okay.
You'll get through this.
For him.
Always for him.
Everything for him.
#Krulu oc#monster boyfriend#monster x reader#monsterwhorre#minors dni#terato#yandere monster#yandere teratophilia#terat0philliac#terato tag#monsterfucker
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Quite a fall | Jongho
Jongho x Reader
Word count: 2180
Genre: fluff
Author: maari
Warnings: Reader twists her foot, fake monsters. No proofread because I wrote at midnight.
Note: I don't know why but Jongho is wrecking me lately so I was kinda forced to write something with him. This actually happened to me 5 years ago lol but it didn't had a romantic ending.
Summary: Who knew taking a historic fall could feel so good?
⩥ Ateez Masterlist
Y/N loved her friends and couldn't live without them.
But the moment it was decided that San and Mingi would go with her to fulfill the bet, she began to wonder why she had accepted it.
And why she still called Wooyoung a friend, since the idea of the two most fearful guys in the group would go with her to the haunted mansion in the amusement park they were at was his.
The amusement park was for the whole family until the sun began to set, at night it was taken over by actors dressed as monsters.
But it wasn't just any monsters, it was Egypt themed. And the mummies were more terrifying than the 90s movie.
And what was the bet? The least brave three had lost at Rock Paper Scissors, and would have to enter the haunted mansion. While the others were outside recording.
However, they were one floor below the mansion because they had gone on the Viking boat earlier, which made her practically lose her voice since besides being afraid of monsters and anything involving horror, she was also afraid of heights.
Y/N grabbed San's arm on one side while the other pushed Mingi to go ahead, the three of them stared at the flight of stairs as it got bigger and bigger.
It wasn't just because the mansion was close but because one of the monsters was at the top of the stairs, scaring anyone who passed by.
"Stop being cowards!" Hongjoong yelled, clearly amused that he wasn't chosen.
"Complain again and you go along with us!" Y/N shouted, turning to face him angrily and saw the boys laughing at him, who raised his hands in surrender and stayed quiet.
"You guys know this is a really bad idea, right?" San spoke, cowering next to Y/N, he gripped her hand tightly as she held onto his arm.
"It's Mingi's fault!" she complained and the taller one stopped, looking at her in disbelief.
"How could I guess?" he asked, trying to hide behind Y/N. "Stop pushing me!"
"You're the tallest, you have to go first!" she said, trying to push him back. "And you bet with Wooyoung, it's obvious he was serious."
"I thought he was talking about the roller coaster." he defended himself.
The bet was simple: with the opening of the park, they divided into groups of three and whoever arrived late would have to face one of their fears, as well as pay for snacks. San, Mingi, Y/N, Yeosang, Yunho and Wooyoung arrived late. And it all came down to rock, paper, scissors.
Mingi was confident to compete against Yunho... and ended up losing.
The three went on high rides and paid for everyone's snacks, until Wooyoung remembered that it was the opening night of the mansion and that the three of them would have to go.
And there the three of them were, afraid to go up the stairs.
For Y/N, she had the perfect plan, she would hide behind Mingi and San, since one was taller than her and the other was stronger, very easy, she wouldn't even need to lift her head to look inside the mansion, all she had to do was stick her face in one of their shirts.
She had just forgotten that they were both as scared as she was.
After several long minutes and the rest of the group shouting that they had to go soon before the park closed, which would happen in two hours, they made it to the halfway point of the stairs.
Y/N didn't even remember her plan anymore, somehow she was leading the way, with San clutching her hand and Mingi on her side climbing slower than her. His legs were longer and yet he was behind.
"No!" San complained as she climbed another step, never taking her eyes off the monster.
"I think it's okay to pass." she replied when she saw the monster turn its back to scare a couple passing by. "He's busy."
Suddenly everything looked like a blur.
Y/N made a move to take a step forward while San and Mingi were behind her very fearful, the monster turned and faced the three. For two long seconds they stared at each other without doing anything and then the monster screamed and pretended to go to them, just projecting its body forward.
It was enough for the three of them to scream and try to run down the stairs. Just try.
Because Mingi went ahead, as he was strategically walking up the stairs slowly, San let go of Y/N's hand and in that half second their bodies blocked her field of vision. Y/N tried to go down at the same speed as San and Mingi but she was already late and her foot didn't settle on the step of the stairs.
With the fright and the vision a little blurred for having turned so fast, her strength was lost and she twisted her foot in a clumsy way and she rolled about three steps.
When she realized what had happened, at the exact moment she heard her name being called, she felt an unbearable pain in her ankle.
She took her hand to the place that seemed to be burning and a sob escaped, she didn't even realize she was crying until she noticed that her friends were running to her.
"Are you ok?" San asked worriedly and held his hand out to her.
But Y/N couldn't speak so she just shook her head.
"Y/N, get up." Mingi spoke and she sobbed again.
"I can't." she complained quietly, feeling her ankle go rigid and in her head there was only one thing going on.
That she had broken her foot.
San bent down to face her better and soon the rest of the group surrounded her.
"Y/N, what happened?" Seonghwa asked.
"I think I broke my foot." she replied between sobs and tried to look at the boys but because of the pain, she couldn't see who was in front of her. "And I think I ripped my pants."
A chorus of low chuckles was heard and she almost laughed.
"Yah, this is not the time to be joking." Wooyoung spoke.
"Can you get up?" Hongjoong asked and she even tried to support her injured palms on the floor but her legs were clearly weak from the fright and the fall.
"No." she replied weakly.
"Isn't it good to call some professional who works here and-" Yeosang's voice gradually faded as Jongho knelt beside her
"I'll carry you, okay?" he asked gently and Y/N nodded, wiping her face.
He put his arm around her knees carefully and the other went around her back, as he lifted her off the ground in his arms, Y/N felt her ankle hurt even more but her face burned not only from the pain but because Jongho was too close.
His breath was so close to her face and he carried her as if she were a feather.
If before her heart was racing because of the fright, now she doesn't even remember the monster.
Jongho took her to a concrete part that covered the root of a tree, she sat down and was now at his height.
"Is anyone going to do anything?" he questioned, looking seriously at his friends.
Yunho and Yeosang volunteered and ran in search of someone to help.
"Can you move your foot?" Hongjoong asked and bent down to help Y/N move.
She even tried but the pain was still intense.
"Ouch no, wait a minute." she screwed up her face and he stopped, looking worried.
"You're going to have to go to the hospital." Seonghwa concluded, crossing his arms and Y/N whined.
"Oh come on!' she snorted and now with her face dry, her eyes partially wet, she could face her friends properly.
"If I were you, I wouldn't argue." Wooyoung spoke and Y/N crossed her arms.
"You know how they put the bone back together? It hurts like hell!"
"Yeah, but it's not like you have a choice if you really broke your foot." San replied.
Y/N was going to look at Mingi but Jongho entered her field of vision, taking off the sweatshirt he was wearing and approached her to tie it around her waist.
Y/N kept her arms crossed but stared at Jongho's face in surprise, everyone was silent and he looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"You really ripped your pants." he explained, nodding towards Y/N and she felt her face heat up once more.
She brought her hand to her cheek slowly so as not to show that she was blushing because of it but seeing Wooyoung staring with a raised eyebrow, she knew it wasn't that subtle.
"Oh no!" she complained when she saw Yunho and Yeosang coming back, what really caught her attention was the ambulance coming after the two.
Wooyoung tried to contain his laughter when he saw the vehicle and was slapped by Seonghwa.
Y/N stared at the ambulance in disbelief that this was actually happening to her.
"I'm not going to ride that thing." she spoke softly and thought no one would hear but Jongho turned to her with a defiant face.
"Why the ambulance?" Hongjoong asked his friends.
"It'll be better to take Y/N to the hospital near here" Yunho explained as the paramedics got out of the ambulance.
"Did you know that there is assistance here at the park?" Yeosang asked, excited by the news. "Apparently that has happened a lot here."
"Come on, Y/N." Jongho approached and she looked pleadingly at him.
"Please."
"You don't want to argue with me now, do you?" he asked seriously and she was quiet.
She took a deep breath, giving up.
"Will you need a wheelchair?" one of the paramedics asked.
Y/N widened her eyes. Oh no, that would be too much for her.
"No!" she replied loudly, and threw her arm around Jongho's shoulder.
She had already been through enough humiliation that day.
She heard Jongho laugh softly as he carried her in his arms again and she glared at him, curious to know what he was laughing at but he didn't seem to want to share it now, and walked towards the ambulance without looking like she was making an effort.
He helped her into the vehicle.
"I refuse to lie on this stretcher, I didn't die!" she said when one of the paramedics indicated the gurney. "I'll sit here." she pointed to the upholstery beside her and the paramedic nodded.
"Will someone accompany you in the ambulance?" he asked, looking at the group of friends.
"I go!" Jongho volunteered first and looked at his friends. "I'll walk her into the hospital."
"We'll get the cars and we'll follow." Hongjoong spoke and the two nodded.
Jongho climbed into the ambulance and sat next to Y/N and the paramedic closed the doors, leaving the two alone in the back.
She took a deep breath and saw Jongho staring at her.
"All good?"
"It's all that stupid monster's fault!" She denied with her head. "Who scares people on the stairs?!"
He smiled discreetly.
"Not the smartest thing I've seen anyone do."
Y/N laughed.
"I bet Wooyoung recorded it, didn't he." she spoke and Jongho bit his lip, something that didn't go unnoticed by her.
"It was quite a fall."
Y/N shook her head and laughed, being followed by Jongho.
The scare was over, even if she was still in pain, she had to admit that it must have been a very funny scene that she would laugh about later.
When she had to rest for who knows how many days.
"You know what that means, right? I'm going to have to keep my foot still for days!"
"Hey, think on the bright side." Jongho pushed his shoulder against Y/N's and she glared at him with a raised eyebrow. "You got 8 slaves and if I were you I would charge Mingi even more because he left you behind on purpose."
"I knew it!' she said, slapping a hand on her thigh and reminded herself that his sweatshirt was tucked around her waist, "Aren't you cold?"
"No, I'm fine." he raised his hand in assurance and she smiled appreciatively.
"Thanks for what you did." she said and brought her face closer to kiss Jongho's soft cheek.
However, he turned his face at the same time and their lips ended up touching lightly.
The two stared at each other in surprise and once again that night, her cheeks burned because of him, shyly she looked away to anywhere in the ambulance. But Jongho brought his hand to her cheek and brought her closer, bringing their lips together again in a quick, soft kiss.
When he pulled away, his hand caressed her cheek and pressed their foreheads together.
"You really worried me."
"Well, looks like it was worth it."
#jongho scenarios#jongho imagines#jongho fanfic#jongho fluff#jongho x reader#jongho x you#jongin x reader#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez scenario#ateez imagine#ateez fluff#ateez fic#ateez x y/n#ateez x you#ateez x reader#ateez fanfic#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#kpop fluff#kpop fanfic#kpop x you#kpop x reader#kpop x y/n#Maari
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Chosen of the Sun |
| dawn // twenty
| @maladi777
INTERACTIVE POLL |
What should Aster do?
Vote now!
POLL RESULTS |
The Noble Dinner | Aster wins the poll and becomes the third member of the dinner party.
next / previous / beginning
KYRIE: Good morning, Darling Shadow. Sleep well?
ELION: You’re far too chipper in the morning. You’re far too chipper period.
KYRIE: Oh, so sorry to bring some optimism into your bleak dark world. Anyways, I was wondering if you’d mind doing me a favor. Taiyo’s asked for some books, if you’d be so kind to drop them off for me?
ELION: I’m your bodyguard, not your secretary.
KYRIE: What’s the difference? Anyways, I have some errands to run around the temple. I won’t be going outside, so there’s no need for you to keep such a sharp watch. It’ll spare you the trouble of having to join me.
ELION: I suppose if I refuse, you’ll puppet me off, anyhow?
KYRIE: Of course not. But you wouldn’t refuse, now would you?
ELION: I don’t get paid enough.
KYRIE: Here’s the books. Do see that they make it safely. I’m sure you’re more then capable.
ELION: Yeah, yeah.
KYRIE: Heh.
[sound of knock on door]
ASTER: yawning Your Grace, a bit early, isn’t it?
KYRIE: Why, late night?
ASTER: You could say that. Don’t tell me you were watching?
KYRIE: Sorry. Still out of commission. But I’m sure it was a nice showing.
ASTER: Ha! Would you believe I spent the night blissfully alone! Nursing a small hangover, but that’s neither here nor there. Did you need something?
KYRIE: Mind if I come in?
ASTER: Ah? Maybe my night has yet to close!
KYRIE: laughs As tempting as that sounds, I’m afraid I’ve come out of necessity. I wanted to speak with you about something. Privately.
ASTER: Well, I’m all ears, Your Grace. What can a humble bard do for ye?
KYRIE: Tonight, Indryr and I will be attending a dinner party with Duke Eldewyn. He’s a bit of a flamboyant noble, enjoys his wine, if you get my meaning. The point of this dinner party is not so straightforward, however. There have been some… strange happenings.
ASTER: You don’t have to tell me twice. It’s all been downside up since I got here!
KYRIE: Aster, I need you to take this seriously. People’s lives… my life, might be at stake. And this time, I’m not sure I’m so willing to oblige. I want to find out more about what happened in the past. Before me, before… my sister took over conducting this ceremony, hundreds of lunar priests came before us. This tradition goes back centuries, and what’s been done along the way might play some part in what’s been happening now.
KYRIE: Duke Eldewyn is an elder elf, though he might not look it, he’s nearly three hundred years old. He’s seen more than a few Selenehelions in his day, and being close to the crown, he may have some insight on any collusion that might have been going on.
ASTER: That’s all well and good, but… what does this have to do with me?
KYRIE: I want you to come along with us tonight. The Duke is very easily swayed by influential people, and meeting the Chosen is important to him. I could have chosen anyone, but there’s no one more fit for this than you.
ASTER: Me?
KYRIE: Of course. You’re charismatic, Aster. And you can talk, well. Someone like you has the exact skillset we need to get the Duke comfortable enough to spill any secrets he might keep tight to the vest. All I’m asking is that you play along; Butter him up and let him dig his own grave. It should be easy work, all you have to do is be yourself.
ASTER: Hm. Well, I can’t say I’m not impressed by your keen assessment. Though, if I was more like the Necromancer this is where I’d be asking what I get out of it.
KYRIE: Free dinner, free drinks, and the chance to regale the most enthusiastic crowd you’ll find in this city… What’s not for you to enjoy?
ASTER: You’re not wrong.
KYRIE: If there’s anything more I can do for you, just the say the word. I’m confiding in you to help me with this, so if there’s a price, you need only name it.
#ts4#ts4 screenshots#ts4 story#ts4 bachelor challenge#chosen of the sun#oc: kyrie loren#cc: aster songleaf#oc: elion maharis#thank you audience for picking Aster for this quest LOL
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Simon and Marcus: Simon's pov
I've been requested to do it once and i've actually things to point out. I’m gonna focus on a specific scene, using it as a cue to dive more into their dynamic from simon's pov.
for whoever not interested, i swear the next analysis post will be wilmon centered - love y’all
Relevant fact: call me a marcus anti since day one. I found it kind of weird for him to act so friendly, self-confident and at ease even from their very first interaction in simon’s room, but maybe it’s just my shy closeted self talking!
However, the movie scene is probably the most significant one, showing a lot - if not all - about simon’s approach and intention in 'whatevership' he and marcus were starting to have. He walks into the apartment right after him, eyes wondering all over the room, his “cozy” word to warm the atmosphere, the looks and little smiles: he mirrors wille’s actions when he first entered simon’s room, recreating the same scenario. He tries to fill that space with the same thrill, energy, emotions - love.
It’s a nice try, but not even close to work. He forces himself to be flustered and feel what he knows this type of situation should make him feel. Pretending gets harder if memories are louder and the heart doesn’t beat as much as it did before.
Simon's eyes never lied: the truth is he was always sure about what he was not feeling, the chemistry he tried to find so soon so fast but that, just as quickly, was not pushing him to ask, want or need more ever again. He looked at marcus but never really looked at him: there were no such feelings for simon to communicate, rather vacant eyes and empty gazes that still showed things he was missing and couldn't seem to replicate with him.
The 'let's get physical' coping mechanism to step up the game is real but still: simon suggests watching a horror movie, he's the one taking the initiative, he goes for the upper lip into the kiss. He wants so hard to forget about wilhelm while unconsciously doing whatever it takes to remember him. to have what they had back. to feel something.
But with marcus it turns out to be just ... physical. it's all very rational: no connection or tension building up between them, no growing emotions are involved in pulling them closer, even simon’s hands movements feel thought through.
Falling in love doesn’t have to be rational tho, it comes to you so that you’re not supposed to search for it to happen - oh to be reminded that simon ends up not ever being the first in reaching for physical touch or pulling marcus into a kiss after this one. single. time.
Marcus telling him to take it slow and see where time will take them, it didn’t stir anything in simon but discomfort. He didn’t go to his place looking out for the comfort of a movie night fr or hoping to start something serious, but to prove himself that he was ready to forget and move on, to be with someone else, to love and stop hurting for once - he soon realized he could not do that.
And when he said it out loud to marcus later on, he was not listened to.
Simon’s “i just don't understand why i can’t fall in love with him” finds all the answers here: it was never about marcus, but shutting his feelings for wille down whenever they weighed too much instead. That's the reason why i think they were doomed from the very beginning: as much as simon could be rationally invested in trying to make it work, his heart was not.
Wilhelm’s step back - “i’m gonna leave you alone” - was simon’s realization point. He tried moving on to someone else for his own sake and also wanted to show he was capable of doing that, but to actually loose wille was never an option and he didn't mean it to end this way. It was like being faced with a choice, even though to choose was never really a thing: simon would've chosen wilhelm. always.
#bear with my rambling#i tried to make sense of it all#take a shot every time i say 'but'#young royals#simon eriksson#wilhelm x simon#yr analysis
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if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to the very lovely friends who have relentlessly sifted through tumblr archives to recover them, thank you all so much!! ♡
Draco x non-house-specific she/her!reader
Buckbeak
The expressions on the faces of your classmates were all ones of confusion and curiosity as you all made your way to Hagrid's hut, meanwhile you couldnt hide your glee.
"What's got you so cheerful this morning?" Your best friend, Susan Bones, nudges you playfully "Did Draco smile in your general direction again?"
Immediately, your cheeks flush pink, and you jab her in the side with your elbow. “No! Merlin's sake Susan, not so loud!"
Susan couldnt stop herself from laughing as she rubbed her side. "Alright, alright, Im sorry, but your crush on him is absolutely adorable."
You roll your eyes and look down at the grass to hide your face. "Whatever."
Susan sighs. "Go on then, what's got you smiling today?"
Your smile returns to your face as you reply to her. “You'll see."
The second Hagrid begins leading your class towards the forrest, you feel yourself almost visibly shaking with excitement. When the class stills, everyone begins to talk amongst themselves, and, as per usual, Harry and Draco have an intense, but mildly humorous, interaction. For the first time, though, you find yourself entirely undistracted by Draco, because your eyes are fixed on Hagrid, and when he turns to face the rest of the class again, you find yourself unsurprisingly grinning.
"Duh, duhduhDUH!" Hagrid cheers to gain everyone's attention, and the class falls into silence. "Isnt he beautiful? Say hello to Buckbeak! A family who raises these wonderful creatures has kindly let us borrow Buckbeak for a while, so that I can teach ya about ‘im. Since she's far more familiar with these creatures, (Y/N), why dont you tell us about 'em?"
And, in an instant, every pair of eyes belonging to the classmates who usually ignored your existence, are fixed on you. Susan's jaw is hanging open as she realises why you havent stopped smiling. Despite your usual shyness and lack of confidence when speaking in front of others, you casually step forward, beaming as Buckbeak faces you and tilts his head to the side in recognition. You turn to the rest of your classmates.
"Buckbeak is a Hippogriff, and, as Hagrid said, my family raise these creatures. We run a sanctuary, in which we locate lost or abandoned baby Hippogriffs, raise them around their own kind, and then release them back into the wild when they're ready. Buckbeak, however, is the only Hippogriff we've ever had who has chosen to stay with us rather than fly out into the wild. Hippogriffs are very proud creatures, incredibly easy to offend, and for that reason, many deem them to be unapproachable. But, with the right amount of respect, it's relatively easy to gain a Hippogriffs trust, and they're very affectionate creatures." Still smiling, you spin on your heel and calmly stroll over to Buckbeak, who greets you by nuzzling into your hair, causing you to laugh, before continuing to talk. "Now, because Buckbeak is familiar with me, I no longer need to take the steps in order to gain his trust. Today, though, some of you will be trying to do just that."
Your classmates stare back at you in horror, but Hagrid is smiling at you proudly. When you initially approached him to discuss your family, Hagrid was overjoyed, and almost begged you to find a way of him meeting a Hippogriff. Together, the two of you persuaded Dumbledore to bring Buckbeak onto the grounds.
"Who'd like to come say hello?" Hagrid asks, causing everyone except Harry to take a step back, making it appear that Harry had in fact volunteered himself, causing you to chuckle.
"Harry! Well done!" Hagrid beams, then turns to you.
"As I said before, Hippogriffs are very proud creatures, and trust me when I say you do not want to insult one. The first thing to do, Harry, is to bow in front of him, and if he bows back, you can approach him." You instruct, gently stroking some of the feather's on Buckbeak's shoulder.
Nodding at Hagrid, you let him carry on with the lesson, feeling a little guilty at how much you have said. Then again, you've been surrounded by these creatures your entire life, so you've grown up to be an expert on their characters. You watch on as Harry successfully approaches Buckbeak, and laugh to yourself when Hagrid lifts Harry onto Buckbeak's back. With a tap on his rear, Buckbeak is sent sprinting off, before pushing upwards and gliding through the air effortlessly, with Harry clinging to him for dear life. A warm feeling spreads through you as you remember the first time you flew with Buckbeak.
Just a few minutes later, Harry and Buckbeak return to the forrest, and Hagrid is quick to lift him off of the Hippogriff's back.
"How am I doin' on my first day?" Hagrid quietly asks the two of you, his back facing the rest of the class.
"Brilliant!" You and Harry reply in unison, causing you to laugh at each other.
"Oh, please." You hear Draco muttering as he gets to his feet, and you look around Hagrid to see what trouble he's getting himself into.
To your horror, you see Draco sauntering towards Buckbeak, without making any effort to show him respect.
"Yes, you're not dangerous at all are you? You great ugly brute." Draco declares, and you gasp.
"Malfoy, no! NO!" Hagrid tries to stop him, but it's too late.
Buckbeak stands on his hind legs, flapping his wings viciously as he kicks Draco's elbow with one of his front hooves, sending Draco to the floor, crying out dramatically and gripping his arm. You jump in between them, holding your arms up and locking eyes with Buckbeak, and shushing him until he calms down again.
"It's killed me, it's killed me!" Draco whimpers.
Hagrid begins to panic. "C-Calm down, it's just a scratch!"
Hermione speaks up. “Hagrid! He has to be taken to the hospital!"
Hagrid nods to himself and bends down to pick up Draco, though you're sure he can stand on his own. "Im the teacher, I'll do it."
"You're gonna regret this-" Draco begins, and Hagrid looks over his shoulder to dismiss the class. "-You and your bloody chicken!"
Sighing to yourself, you bite the inside of your cheek anxiously. Buckbeak nuzzles into your hair again, sensing your discomfort, and you reach up to stroke the feathers on the side of his face, but this time it does little to reassure you.
The sound of your shoes hitting the floor is the only thing you can focus on as you pace the corridor outside the hospital, battling with yourself internally. If Draco's father finds out about this incident, it could not only ruin your family's business, but it could...you shake your head, dismissing the mere thought of what could happen to Buckbeak. You've had a crush on Draco since your first year at Hogwarts, and you've managed to avoid talking to him at almost every opportunity, out of fear of literally dying of embarrassment. However, in this situation, you have no choice but to confront him. Wringing your hands nervously, you continue to pace the hallway. Pansy and Blaise leave the hospital, finally ending their visit to Draco, and you take a deep breath before walking in. Your eyes dart around your surroundings, glancing at every bed until you find Draco, staring up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. Oh Merlin, he's gone to sleep! Gasping, you turn to walk away, keeping your head down as embarrassment swallows you.
"What are you doing here?" Draco questions suddenly, causing your entire body to jolt in surprise as you stop walking.
Turning to face him, you keep your head down, your cheeks now an even darker shade of red, just because he's talking to you.
"I-I, uh, I wanted to make sure you're alright. Buckbeak being here, it's because of me, which means that this...what happened to you, i-it's my fault. I truly am sorry about your arm, Draco." You trip over your words, your hands clasping the sleeves of your robes.
Draco sighs. “Dont apologise, it isnt your fault, (Y/N)."
You frown, lifting your head slightly. "Y-You know my name? And what do you mean, Buckbeak is my responsibility!"
He shakes his head. "Of course I know your name, and no, you cant be responsible for a wild creature, it's in its nature to attack."
Suddenly, your head snaps up, your cheeks returning to their normal colour. "No! It isnt in Buckbeak's nature, or any Hippogriff’s for that matter! Draco, please, you have to believe me, I've lived with them since I was born, Buckbeak only attacked you because you offended him! Had you even approached him in a relatively calm manner, without bowing, he would only have backed away from you, Buckbeak is the friendliest Hippogriff my family has ever encountered! And if you hadnt been so caught up in your own ego, or your testosterone fuelled battle with Harry Potter, none of this would have happened!"
Draco smirks. "Wow."
Your anger evaporates. "What?"
He laughs casually. "That's the first time you've ever said more than a few words to me, and it's because I've been attacked by your demon chicken."
Your blood begins to boil again. “It wasnt an atta-"
Draco waves you off, interrupting you. "I know, I know, but you're still only talking to me because you're worried that my father is going to hear about this."
You stare at him. “Well, that is your answer to most obstacles you encounter."
Draco bursts out laughing. "You are far more fiery than I thought you were! Your words hurt more than my arm!"
You laugh with him and look down at the floor, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Sorry about that, I dont mean to be rude, it's just...Buckbeak."
Draco sighs in defeat. "Look, if that bloody bird means so much to you, I'll tell my father that my injury was caused by Potter or something, I'd rather blame him anyway, gives me more of a chance of winning our...what did you call it? Testosterone fuelled war!"
You beam at him. "Really!?! You wont get Buckbeak in trouble!?!"
Draco smiles back at you. "I was never planning to, considering how much you care for him, but had it been anyone else, particularly Potter, I wouldnt have hesitated."
You frown. "The fact you wouldnt have hesitated to put Buckbeak in danger if he was someone else's responsibility isnt very nice. Buckbeak is a creature of his own, he isnt a pawn for you to use for your personal gain. Why did my care for him change your mind?"
Surprisingly, your arguments against Draco's points dont seem to aggravate him at all. “I've always had somewhat of a soft spot for you, I see the way you blush when I smile at you, it's very cute."
Your eyes widen, and your whole face flushes stoplight red in embarrassment. "Oh."
Draco laughs again, and you find yourself thoroughly confused at this easily amused, laid back side of him. "Dont look so mortified, you must have noticed the way I look at you! Whatever feelings you have for me, I can assure you, they are well reciprocated." He smiles. "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?"
With this newfound information, an unexpected and previously unexperienced confidence swells within you, and you smirk mischievously at Draco.
"I think I have a better idea for our first date, but we're going to have to wait until your arm is healed."
From that moment on, you and Draco are almost constantly exchanging flirtatious glances, and regularly sending each other owl-delivered letters, in which you get to know each other better without actually speaking very much face to face - an ideal scenario for two people who are awaiting their first date. Draco frequently questions you about it in his letters, and you refuse to give anything away, until the day arrives when his arm is fully healed.
Draco grips your hand as tightly as he can without hurting you, as you lead him further into the forest, a blindfold shielding his eyes from the scene around him.
"Where in Merlin's beard are you taking me?" Draco asks, amusement and nervousness mixed into his voice.
"You'll see!" You giggle excitedly, bringing a smile to Draco's face, despite his nerves.
When you reach your destination, you let go of Draco's hand, and take a few steps away from him.
"Okay, you can take the blindfold off now." You tell him softly, watching him with a grin plastered on your face as he reaches up behind his head and unties his blindfold.
Draco takes the thin piece of fabric away from his face, and blinks rapidly as his eyes adjust to the light. The moment he sees what you have in store for him, though, you can tell that he wishes he still had the blindfold on. Because you're standing just a few feet away from him, casually leaning against the Hippogriff that injured Draco, with your arms crossed and a sly smirk decorating your features. And when Draco sees the saddle that you've placed on Buckbeak's back, all colour visibly drains from his face.
"If you think Im getting on the back of that bloody chicken, you have never been more wrong about anything in your life."
But, as his soft spot for you later proves, you were very right in thinking that Draco would be getting on the back of your giant horse bird.
#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy imagine#harry potter#x reader#imagine#imagines#fanfic#fanfiction
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Firsts | DR
Just a little 1k word blurb on first dates! Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!
When Daniel had asked you out, he expected good food and mediocre conversation, followed by a quick fuck. What he didn’t expect, was for you to reel him in so quickly. Sure, when he had met you at a bar last weekend, he thought you were attractive - but nothing could have prepared him for how obsessed he would become with every word that came out of your mouth. The way your lips moved as you spoke, the little inflections at the end of each sentence, the twitch of your right eyebrow when you were particularly passionate about something - everything about you. He wanted to know everything about you, and he wanted to know it all now.
You thought he was cocky when he first approached you; sauntering over to you with a smirk spread across his face. The man sitting opposite you now though, was far more relaxed. Quietly confident. If you were honest, the entire date had taken you by surprise. The restaurant he’d chosen was fairly intimate; the two of you tucked into the back corner of the room. He had surprised you with his choice, fully expecting a cheap drink in a dingy bar; you weren't naive enough to think that this would develop further after this one night.
“Do I get to see you again after this?” He didn’t want to leave, but with both of your meals long since finished, he knew he couldn’t hold you hostage in the restaurant forever.
“If you’re lucky, yeah.” You flashed him a coy smile, not yet giving in to his suggestion of another date.
“What’ll boost my chances?” The way you were looking at him made him want to capture your attention for as long as possible, so he never had to watch your eyes leave his face.
“Walk me home and you’ll find out.” Holy shit.
•
The teasing and banter between the two of you continued on the walk home. Him, with his arm draped across your shoulders, his arm long enough that his hand grazed the top of your chest. In turn, your hand moved across his back, drumming various patterns across it with your fingers. Despite the slight chill in the air, he was warm. You wondered what it would be like to cocoon yourself in his arms properly, to have him pull you closer.
“You should come to a race soon. I think you’d like it.” It was him who brought up his career. You’d been hesitant to ask him about his job at dinner, figuring that he must want a break from talking about racing almost constantly. You knew he was passionate about it, obviously, but you wanted to find out what else made his eyes light up in that same way.
“I bet you say that to all the pretty girls you meet.” He let out a cackle at that.
“No, just one pretty girl, actually.” The girls he had seen in the past usually had more interest in the pageantry surrounding the sport; the parties, the attention, the drinks on his tab. You, however, he thought would enjoy the action. And he wanted you to see him win.
“Oh come on, you can’t be serious.” You’d seen with your own eyes the way that women flocked to him at that bar the weekend prior. How could he not want to utilise that ego-boost?
“I’m serious, babe. I’ve only ever had friends and family come to a race weekend.” In the dim lighting of the street you were on, he could see a faint blush spread across your cheeks. The nickname made you bite your lower lip softly, trying not to smile too big. He wanted to make you react like that all the time.
“Why’s that?”
“Well, maybe I sound like a dick, but no one has else has ever really made me feel like they deserved to come. Or like, deserved for me to share that with them, if that makes any sense.” The comment held more weight than you realised. Race weekends felt sacred to him. Sure, anyone could watch the race, but to have access to Daniel away from the cameras, during a weekend that saw a range of every possible emotion was different.
“Oh.. and d- do I deserve to?” The way he was looking down at you made you nervous. It was hard not to trip over your own feet when he smiled at you like that.
“I think so. You’re cool.” He probably could have picked a nicer way to compliment you, but it made you laugh anyway.
The closer you got to your apartment, the more you wished to bottle this moment up forever and carry it around with you. Typically, you hated first dates. And second dates. The awkwardness of getting to know someone was often too much for you. It felt weird to talk about yourself that much. With Daniel though, it was easy. He made you feel as though he was genuinely interested in you and your life, your friends, your family.
You led him up towards the front step of your building, stumbling slightly when he refused to loosen his grip on your shoulder. You were both still a bit tipsy off of the bottle of wine you had shared at dinner. His selection, of course. When he had chosen it, he’d spouted off to you about how he was somewhat of a wine connoisseur. He must of been right, because the wine was good.
“So, have I earned a second date yet?” Moving to stand in front of you, he brought both hands to rest on your hips. Yours moved to rest on his forearms, your thumb running across the tattoos on his left arm.
“Almost, yeah.” With that, he drags you forwards by your hips, bringing one hand up to rest on the side of your neck. You’d been waiting for him to kiss you since you first sat down for dinner, and when he finally does, it’s easy to let your body sink into his. The combination of the taste of red wine on his lips, and the way his thumb brushes across your jaw is enough to drive you insane. When he (unfortunately) pulls away, the desperate look on your face makes him laugh.
“What about now?”
“Yeah, I’d say so.” With another quick peck to your mouth, he reluctantly lets you go. Taking your time to unlock the main door of your building, he allows his eyes to rake over your figure. Nice. And, with a cheeky smile and a seductive look over your shoulder,
“I think you’re cool too, Dan.”
#daniel ricciardo imagine#daniel ricciardo fic#daniel ricciardo x reader#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1 fic#mine
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i beg on hands and knees. i need to see jealous natsu and/or lucy 🥺🙏 (most preferably humor but im down for any :D)
this ask awoke a sleeper agent in my brain and i blacked out for 5 days and woke up with a 7000 word fic that was definitely not supposed to be longer than 2000 words, because we need more jealous lucy fics that aren't misogynistic lisanna bashing.
it's mostly angsty lucy introspection & fluffy lucy + everyone friendship, with some cute fluffy nalu bants at the end <3 i hope you enjoy!
as always thanks to @nalunalu for being my beta, keeping me sane, and at this point practically being my co-author on this fic.
When Lucy’s turn to choose their next job rolled around, she found herself picking out an easy escort mission. It was low risk, high reward, and not even her reckless teammates could screw this one up. After a handful of missions gone awry and the due date for her rent swiftly approaching, she was more than keen to take on something that wouldn’t involve potential threats of severe injury and mass destruction.
The instructions were simple: escort a wagon of goods from point a to point b through a route that had been the scene of minor bandit attacks in the past. It would be a three-day trek on foot, but for the reward, it would be well worth it. What the instructions didn’t specify, however, was that alongside the goods, they would also be escorting their employers’ daughter. It was a minor detail; she would sit in the wagon while the wizards escorted it on foot, leaving them to their own devices while she remained nice and safe inside the vehicle. That plan had been thrown to the wayside however, when the young girl had found herself rather taken with Lucy’s pink-haired partner. She had instead insisted that she join them on foot so she could spend time with him instead of rotting away on that boring old carriage for the next three days.
It should have been no real issue; she was sweet, if not a little more talkative than they might have been used to, but overall she seemed to be a nice, kind, and polite girl. There was just something about the way she clung to Natsu’s side, her arms wrapped around his as she tried to hold herself closer to him, that made Lucy’s stomach lurch. Almost immediately, she began to swoon about how big, and strong, and handsome he was. With her free hand, she began to run her fingers up and down the exposed muscles of his arm, in what Lucy found to be an egregious invasion of personal space. But the worst part was, she couldn’t even find it in herself to blame her. Natsu was strong, and kind, and handsome, and funny, and yeah, he was a bit of an idiot sometimes, but Lucy always thought that was part of his charm. She adored all those things about him, finding them so incredibly endearing, and that was why she had chosen to stick by his side through everything as his best friend. Watching this stranger so blatantly flirt with her partner made her wonder: if she hadn’t found herself so deeply ingrained in the friend zone, then maybe she would be throwing herself at him like that too.
A part of her ached for the confidence to do that—to push their relationship into something more than friendship. There was always something bubbling just beneath the surface with them, stuck between the space of more than friends but not quite lovers, and while Lucy had been content to let things stay the way they were, lately she had been longing for a little more than that. What had started as a teeny tiny little crush on her partner had grown into a full-fledged yearning for him. She was all consumed by her desire for him as more than just his best friend. Many times she had found herself wondering what it would be like to hold his hand in hers, to feel his arms wrap tightly around her body as his lips grazed her cheek. The reasonable part of her brain had been the one to hold her back; there was no way she was going to face the possibility of rejection from Natsu of all people. It would be embarrassing, but more importantly, it could prove to ruin the friendship that they had spent years building together, and that would always be worth more to her than some silly crush.
She was beginning to regret offering to trail behind alongside Gray, because at least if she were in front, she wouldn’t have to bear witness to some of the most obvious flirting she had ever seen, directed right towards the man who had long since been the object of her attraction.
"You okay there, Lucy?" Gray asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,"
He shot her a sceptical look before his gaze flicked over to Natsu and then back to her, but didn’t say anything. Lucy didn’t want to talk about it, and neither did he, especially not when the daughter of their generous employer was within earshot. Instead, the pair, alongside the rest of their team, continued in silence, only filled by the idle chatter of their esctortee.
Usually, low-effort jobs like this were filled with playful banter between the wizards, but instead, an awkward hush had fallen over the group. Even Happy had forgone multiple opportunities to poke fun at Lucy, seemingly also feeling a little neglected from having Natsu’s attention taken away by the new addition to their group. She seemed more than content to chat away with Natsu—well, more at him than with him. Her eyes were glued to Natsu rather than the path in front of them, relying entirely on him and the tight grasp she held on his arm to keep her from tripping. From her view from behind, Lucy couldn’t quite gauge his reaction to this whole situation.
Usually she could be confident in how her best friend would react in most scenarios, but this wasn’t like most scenarios. Looking back, she couldn’t say that she recalled Natsu ever finding himself on the receiving end of any flirting, much less flirting of this caliber. He was most certainly not the romantic type, finding more joy in poking fun at Lucy for being such a hopeless romantic than in thinking about romance himself.
Occasionally he would nod at what she was saying, but without seeing his expression, Lucy couldn’t tell if that was because of his disinterest or because he was focusing on not letting her fall on the rocky terrain that they were traversing.
The rest of the day passed by similarly uneventfully, and Lucy was almost hopeful that Happy would find some way to insult her as they walked. It would probably have brought out a cackle from Natsu, his attention turned back to her as she and that damn cat argued about whether or not she had put on weight recently. At the very least it would have been a distraction from the self-torture she had been putting herself through as she forced herself to watch the two their whole trek. The more she thought about it, the more having Happy call her fat seemed like the preferable option.
Once the sun began to set over the horizon, the group made the most of what little light they had left by setting up camp in a small clearing within the woods. Gray, Erza, and Lucy worked away at setting up their tents, while their guest sat in awe as she watched Natsu use his magic to light their campfire. He seemed more than happy to have a chance to show off, being met with her fascinated oohs and aahs as she watched the flames flicker to life with nothing more than the touch of his hand.
While Lucy had hoped that the weird tension that had followed them the whole day would dissipate as they gathered around the fire, any chance of that happening was drowned out by the incessant rambling of their guest. It was becoming increasingly clear that this girl could talk about anything and everything at length, regardless of whether anyone was actually listening.
Gray seemed wholly uninterested, not-so-subtly rolling his eyes at every compliment she threw Natsu’s way, while Erza did her best to pretend that she was interested in what she had to say out of politeness. Any attempt that was made to add to the conversation was futile in the face of her obvious infatuation with Natsu, and Lucy couldn’t find it in herself to stick around much longer to find out how the rest of the night would play out. Instead, she excused herself to her tent to distract herself within the pages of a book.
A good romance novel was what she needed to pass the time—just her and the characters inside her book, and none of the thoughts about how much she wanted to know what her partner's lips would feel like against her own. She bit down on her lip, her brows furrowed, as she tried to allow herself to get lost in the words. It wasn’t until the last embers of their fire were flickering out and her tent buddies came in to join her that she realised how much time had passed and how little progress she had made on her book.
It was a little cramped as she and Erza had to find space for their unexpected visitor within their two-person tent, but thankfully neither of them seemed to mind all that much. Usually on jobs like this, they’d split themselves up so Lucy and Natsu slept in one tent with Happy, while Erza and Gray took the other, but there was a silent agreement between them that maybe their normal would be a little awkward to explain to someone they had just met. Natsu, on the other hand, seemed none too happy with their new arrangement, pouting at the prospect of change, though whether that was because of having Lucy taken away from him or from being forced into close proximity with Gray, she couldn’t quite tell.
Though not as outwardly upset as he was, Lucy found herself a tad bummed by the change in routine. She always looked forward to when the three of them got to wind down for the night, chatting away about anything that caught their attention until they found themselves in a fit of giggles, like a couple of preteens at a sleepover. She appreciated Erza's company, but falling asleep without Natsu's comforting presence besides her wasn't the same.
Lucy was content for the three of them to sit together in silence as she made her way through the pages of her book, but it seemed as though their new companion had other ideas for how they were going to spend their downtime before bed.
"You guys are so lucky to be friends with Natsu~" she said with a dreamy sigh. "What’s he like? Like, really like? I want to know everything!"
Erza’s silence and awkward glances towards Lucy signalled that she was deferring the conversation to her, and with a quiet sigh, she decided that she could indulge the poor girl.
"He’s... nice," she said, not really knowing where to begin or even what this girl even wanted to hear from her, but her wide-eyed eager expression as she began spurred Lucy on. "He’s really kind, and he cares about his friends more than anyone I’ve ever met." She paused as she looked down at her hand, her finger trailing over her guild mark, as she reminisced about all the time she and Natsu had spent together. "He’s fiercely loyal and would do anything to protect the people he cares about." Thinking about him had her heart racing faster, and any embarrassment she might have felt about swooning over him like this fizzled away as she continued on. "He kind of doesn’t think before he acts, which gets us into trouble sometimes, but... I suppose all of his good qualities make up for that."
"Wow~" she swooned, "he sounds like real boyfriend material."
"Yeah, I guess so," Lucy murmured in reply.
Before the conversation could go much further, the familiar voice of a certain exceed interrupted them from the outside.
"I’m coming in!" Happy cried, not leaving the trio much warning before barging in on their already cramped space, flying straight into Lucy’s arms. "Luuuucccyyyyy, I don’t like it in the tent with Natsu and Gray; all they do is fight," he whined, "can’t you just come back and sleep with me and Natsu instead?"
Lucy sucked in a breath at the exceed’s absolute lack of tact, trying to figure out a way to explain exactly why she couldn’t do that, though a mischievous glint in his eyes told her that he already knew exactly why and that he just wasn’t having it.
"Well, Erza and I have already settled in for the night; I don’t want to have to upend everything just to swap tents now," she suggested, hinting that he should drop the subject.
As much as she wanted to go back to their usual sleeping arrangements, things were already weird with the way their client’s daughter was so eagerly throwing herself at Natsu and screwing with their group dynamic entirely. Lucy didn’t want to risk upsetting the girl and risking that sweet, sweet reward money just because she was desperate to snuggle with her best friend.
She didn’t really even know if she wanted to see Natsu right now. Having spent so much of the day thinking about her most-likely unrequited feelings towards him, all the while watching this stranger have the courage to do what she did not, had her heart feeling a little tender. If she forced herself to partake in their meaningless little affections, she was sure she would simply burst at the seams and begin to cry right in his presence.
"Pllleeaaaaassseee?" he begged, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes (or at least the best approximation a cat could make). "You, me, and Natsu can cuddle together just like we do every night!"
"H-Happy!" Lucy cried as a deep red blush spread across her face.
What he said wasn’t a lie per se, but he was certainly exaggerating the truth, either to ward off Natsu’s new admirer or simply to embarrass Lucy in front of her. Regardless of his intentions, she was now getting confused stares from both of her roommates.
"I-it’s not like that!" she clarified, her blush spreading to the very tips of her ears.
"My, I didn’t know you two were like that…" Erza pondered with an expression on her face that looked as though she had just uncovered a deep, dark secret.
"That’s because we’re not!" Lucy snapped, her obvious frustration and anger dripping from every word.
She had tried to keep her voice down so that Natsu wouldn’t hear from his tent, but judging by the way his and Gray’s squabbling had quieted down, there was no way the both of them hadn’t already heard her outburst. Today’s events already had her a tad pent up, and even though she knew Happy had her best intentions at heart, she really didn’t want to hear it. Her and Natsu were friends and nothing more than that, so there was no reason to try convince anyone else that they weren't.
"Look, just drop it, okay, Happy?" She sighed, "I’m going to sleep."
"Sorry Lucy…" he murmured as he watched her roll over in her sleeping bag, her back facing the rest of them. "Can I… stay here?"
Lucy didn’t say a word but opened her arm out for him, which had him diving into her grasp and snuggling up in her chest as the two of them dozed to sleep.
There was an air of awkwardness that followed them the next morning that made Lucy feel uneasy. She knew why that was, of course; her little outburst the night before was still lingering in the back of everyone’s minds, but there was no way any of them were going to address it with their new friend still with them.
Happy had opted to linger around Lucy as they made their trek, feeling bad for provoking her earlier but not knowing what to say to make it better. Really, just having him there made her feel even just a little bit more comfortable in their unconventional situation. Usually it was always her, Happy, and Natsu, walking side by side, chatting away about anything and everything, smiling and laughing together the whole way through. Losing out on that on their first day had made her feel rather lonely, but having Happy by her side made up for that, even just a little.
Natsu hadn't exactly looked pleased to have his little buddy leave his side, but he also hadn’t mentioned anything about it, perhaps because he simply didn’t have a chance with his new partner chatting his ear off. Lucy hadn’t even had a chance to speak to him since they’d set off, and she had a feeling she wouldn’t get one until after they had arrived at their destination. Fortunately for her, Happy didn’t seem too interested in letting any silence linger between them.
"I’m booreeed," he whined, "and- and- and my legs hurt."
"What do you mean your legs hurt? I’ve been carrying you for the past 20 minutes!" Lucy countered.
"Yeah, well, that’s cause you need to lose some weight," he said, looking up at her innocently.
Lucy huffed at his comment, but ultimately didn’t pay it much mind. She knew Happy meant well; his tasteless teasing was just his way of showing her affection and an attempt to keep her mind off of Natsu.
"How about we play some twenty questions?" he suggested.
She had spent the whole day prior wallowing in her own pity, and the lack of any sort of conversation between her and her teammates hadn’t exactly done her much good either. It seemed as though Happy was acutely aware of this and was now attempting to compensate by filling in the silence any way he could.
"Yeah, that could be fun," she smiled.
"Okay, I’m thinking of a food!" Happy chirped.
Lucy raised her eyebrows slightly at his very obvious choice in category before making her guess first try.
"Is it fish?"
"Wh- Hey! How did you get that so fast?"
She snorted at his genuine surprise, "Because it’s always fish."
"No fair! Let me go again!" He paused to think up a new answer before speaking up again, "I’m thinking of a person this time!"
"Alright, is this person famous?" she asked.
"You could say that," he replied, coyly.
She raised her brows a little at his unconventional answer but continued to push on.
"Is it someone we know?"
Happy nodded along as she asked questions, letting the pieces of the puzzle fall into place with each answer he gave.
"Is it…" her eyes scanned their teammates before landing on the obvious answer: "Erza?"
"Yeah!" Happy cried out in celebration
"Hm?" Erza looked over at the two, her attention having been caught by hearing her name.
"Lucy and I are playing twenty questions! Do you wanna join us?"
"Well, I suppose it could be fun," she mused, "so yes, I would like to join you."
"Okay! It’s Lucy’s turn now!" Happy cheered.
A short hum left her lips as she pondered her options before settling on one. "Alright, I’m thinking of a person as well."
"Do we know them?"
"Mhmm," she nodded.
With the start of the game, Erza was quick to pick up the rules, chiming in, "Has this person fought alongside us before?"
Her unique question had Happy’s face lighting up as he looked over to Lucy to see if it would get them any closer to the answer.
"Yes," Lucy confirmed, sending the pair into an excited frenzy of questions.
"Are they a member of the guild?" Happy asked.
She took a moment to consider it, not knowing how she would fit it into a simple yes-or-no answer.
"I suppose so," she shrugged, prompting the two players to share a mildly confused glance in response to her vague answer.
They weren’t given much time to mull over her answer before they were interrupted by a familiar voice.
"It’s Loke," Gray chimed in, subsequently catching the attention of the three players.
"Yep, I was thinking of Loke," Lucy confirmed.
"No fair! Gray wasn’t playing!"
Gray simply shrugged, unphased by Happy’s emotional response to him joining, "well, the answer was pretty obvious, and you guys weren’t getting it."
Lucy could have sworn she saw Natsu turn his head for a split second, with that eager look that sparkled in his eye whenever he was given the chance to compete, only for his attention to be pulled away with a tug on his sleeve. She frowned slightly, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be taking part in their games any time soon. She would have been happy for the both of them to join; the girl seemed nice enough, if not a tad clingy, but she just didn’t seem to pay the rest of them any mind when Natsu was around.
"It’s my turn next!" Erza cried out, perhaps a tad too eager for a game with stakes as low as this, but Lucy supposed there were no stakes too low for her teammates. "I’m thinking of an animal! Now guess!"
The group of them immediately began their interrogation, throwing out questions and guesses along with accusations that Erza had changed her answer to win (before Lucy was forced to clarify to the group that there really was no winning or losing in a game like twenty questions).
Their game was cut off by Natsu abruptly stopping in his path, holding his arm out in front of his teammates to shield them from any oncoming danger. His sudden change in behaviour had the group’s guard up, not knowing exactly why he had stopped but trusting in his instincts. Natsu’s senses had never let them down before, and they weren’t about to start now.
"I can hear you guys, so either come out and fight us or go scram," he called out into the nothingness of the forest.
His demand was met with silence, save for the quiet rustle of the leaves when the wind passed as Lucy tried to tune her ears into whatever it was that Natsu had heard but ultimately was not able to find it.
That was until a hand grabbed at her arm, and she found herself face-to-face with a bandit who had picked her out as the group's weakest link. He clearly found himself regretting that choice when a brilliant light surrounded her, his eyes agape as she transformed into her Taurus Star Dress before promptly using her newfound strength to send him flying into the dirt.
With a grin on his face, Natsu looked eager to join in on the action, cracking his knuckles as he scoped out their assailants. Lighting his fist on fire, he was about to send it flying in the face of whatever fool was stupid enough to come near him, until he was stopped by a dainty pair of arms wrapped around his torso, holding him back.
"I need you to get off of me," he hissed, trying to convince her to let go before he physically threw her off of him.
"I’m scared…" she whimpered, her nose buried in the back of his shirt as she trembled.
He ground his teeth together, conflicted between protecting their obviously frightened client and wanting to get in on the fight. The rest of his team, however, didn’t give him much time to make that decision himself, with the three of them taking care of the bandits with swift ease.
"Is everyone okay?" Erza asked, being met with a chorus of nods, and a disgruntled huff from Natsu. Choosing to ignore his grouchy mood, Erza turned her attention to the wagon driver and their escortee, "and are you two alright?"
The driver flashed her a thumbs up, but the girl still seemed rather shaken up from the incident, hiding herself behind Natsu’s larger frame. He had since detached her from himself now that they were safe, but she still clung to the fabric of his jacket, seeking comfort from him despite him clearly being unhappy with the arrangement.
A very obvious pout had made its way onto Natsu’s face; his arms were crossed and his shoulders slumped, obviously unhappy with the way that things had played out. Lucy shot him a sympathetic look that she knew he wouldn’t see; his attention much more focused on the rock he was rather aggressively kicking down the path ahead of him. Any other time, she would have jumped at the chance to cheer him up, to repay him for all the times he had been there for her when she was at her worst, but the girl had quickly rebounded and attached herself to his side, demanding his attention with her constant chatter. Instead, Lucy found herself walking by his side, matching his stride as she listened in on what she was talking to her partner about. She swooned about how heroic and brave he was (which Lucy found rather ironic, considering he hadn’t actually done anything once she had held him back), which was met with little acknowledgement from Natsu. His lack of reaction did little to deter her, though, and she continued to chatter on and on, leaving no space for anyone else to join in the "conversation".
Lucy knew it wasn't right for her to be resentful of her; she hadn't done anything wrong, after all, Natsu didn't belong to her; there was no agreement between them that they were anything more than friends, but seeing her openly swoon over and flirt with him made her sick.
She didn’t want to admit why it made her feel that way, but there was really no denying her feelings for much longer.
Lucy was well and truly jealous.
Natsu hadn’t said a word since the attack, but he had seemingly loosened up from his ill-temper, his hands now resting behind his head as they walked, and Lucy selfishly decided that maybe it was because she was there next to him.
She glanced over at him, and seemingly noticing her gaze, Natsu looked back at her and flashed her a grin before returning his gaze to the path in front of them. Seeing it for the first time in days made her heart ache in the best kind of way. She had to look away before that stupid smile of his made her want to do something stupid herself.
Suddenly she didn’t mind so much that the daughter of their client had her arms wrapped around his waist, because at the end of the day, she wasn’t the one eliciting smiles like that out of him. The air of awkwardness still lingered slightly as silence befell all but Natsu’s admirer, but Lucy had decided she wasn’t going to let that bother her anymore.
When nighttime had rolled around once more, Lucy found herself sitting out beside the flickering flames of their campfire, her legs held up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees as she looked up at the stars through the gaps between the leaves. While today had gone better than the one before it, she really couldn’t wait for all of this to be over and for everything to go back to normal. Or at least, that’s what she told herself.
Was she even satisfied with their "normal" anymore? She had let herself be content with the way her and Natsu’s relationship was, but seeing someone else in such intimate, close proximity with him was starting to make her realise that that was what she wanted. She wanted to be the one attached to his arm, their fingers intertwined as he swayed their arms together while they walked. She wanted to be with him through everything, both the good and the bad, and to feel his hand squeeze hers in a way that said, "It’s okay. I’m with you. I love you."
Wait…
Love?
Where had that come from?
Sure, she loved Natsu, but in the same way she loved all her friends. She loved Natsu just like she loved Happy, and Gray, and Erza, and Wendy, but she wasn’t in love with Natsu.
Was she?
Before she could let that thought consume her, she was distracted by the little pitter-patter of their exceed friend’s footsteps approaching her.
"Hm? Happy? Why are you still awake?" she inquired, her head cocked to the side.
"Natsu snores," he stated, matter-of-factly, and almost as if on cue, Natsu let out an all-too-familiar snore.
Lucy let out a short laugh at his answer: many times she had fallen victim to it on nights where she was unfortunate enough to fall asleep after him, so she sympathised with his grievances.
She unfurled herself from her coiled-up position, repositioning herself so her legs were stretched in front of her, inviting Happy to sit in her lap—a request he eagerly took advantage of, quickly joining her to curl up in her lap.
"I don’t like her," Happy said, his voice hushed so no one, aside from maybe their very much asleep teammate could hear.
Perhaps it made her selfish for Lucy to find reassurance in his statement; Natsu and Happy had always been attached at the hip, and they practically shared the same brain. They may not have shared the same opinions on everything, but it was generally safe to assume that if Happy wasn’t fond of someone, Natsu wouldn’t be either.
It’s not like she had expected Natsu to pursue a romance with this random girl they had met only days prior, or anyone else for that matter, but even the thought of it caused her to feel uneasy. She wasn’t his girlfriend, and he wasn’t her boyfriend; they just shared a deep emotional bond that others often perceived as romantic, but that’s all it was: a perception. There was no agreement, no dates, no vows, no "I-do's." There was nothing that tethered him to her beyond their friendship, so she had no say over his love life, but the thought of him spending his life with another woman felt wrong to her. The only woman she wanted to see him commit himself to until the end of his days was her.
"I think that Natsu deserves someone really special," Happy continued, "someone who can keep up with him, someone who’s going to take care of him."
There was something that remained unspoken in his words, but he didn’t need to say it for Lucy to understand.
Natsu deserves you.
"Thank you, Happy…"
The silence that had befallen them was broken when Happy let out a long yawn as he stretched himself out on her lap.
"Time for bed?" she suggested, giving him a gentle scratch behind the ear.
He nodded lazily in response, spurring Lucy to gather the snoozing cat up in her arms and carry him back to his tent.
When she poked her head into the boys’ tent, Natsu and Gray were both, unsurprisingly, sprawled out on the floor, limbs overlapping one another as though they had both been knocked out in a fight (and knowing them, she really couldn’t rule out the possibility). She set Happy down next to Natsu, who instinctively wrapped his arm around his buddy when he snuggled into his side, and Lucy couldn’t help the soft smile that overcame her at the scene. Upon her exit, she quietly zipped up the door so as not to disturb its sleeping occupants before she heard Happy call out to her.
"See you tomorrow, Lushheee…"
"Yeah," she breathed, "see you tomorrow."
Knowing today would be their last on the job had Lucy even more excited than the promise of payment at the end. Sure, she would have her money, but even better, she wouldn’t have to endure her new form of self-torture by questioning her relationship with her best friend. Once they had dropped off their client’s daughter, the group dynamic would go back to the way it always was, and she could stop overthinking about what it would be like to hold his hand, to rest her head on his shoulder, to feel his skin sear against her own.
She squeezed her eyes shut to rid her mind of that thought before planting her gaze squarely on her feet in front of her. She could hear their client’s daughter chatting away, just as she had been the past two days, but Lucy didn’t want to look at it; didn’t even want to think about it. Right now, it was just her against her brain, trying not to think about why exactly seeing it made her upset.
They had left early, and the last stretch would only take them half a day of walking, which Lucy was beginning to feel infinitely more thankful for.
As they passed over the hill, a large town slowly came into view, and she couldn’t help the sigh of absolute relief that escaped her upon seeing their destination. Lucy took in the sights of their destination as they escorted the carriage through the streets to their drop-off point at the port on the other side of the city. It was a sweet little town and a welcome change of scenery from the two and a half days of non-stop forestry she had endured. Despite that, all she really wanted right now was to be back home and recover from the emotional turmoil this job had put her through with a nice long bath.
Their approach had captured the attention of a middle-aged-looking man, whom she could only assume to be their client based on the way he was waving for their attention and the resemblance between him and the girl who was currently attached to Natsu’s arm.
Even through all the treacherous and life-threatening jobs she had endured over the years, Lucy had never felt more thankful for a job to be over.
She found herself hanging out of the way with Gray and Happy while Erza spoke to their client, Natsu begrudgingly at her side, having been dragged over by their clients’ daughter.
"You’ve been a great help," the man smiled as he handed over their allotted payment (thankfully in full), "and thank you for ensuring that my dear daughter made it back safely as well."
"It’s our pleasure," Erza nodded, "thank you for entrusting your goods to our care."
His daughter, on the other hand, seemed less excited upon her arrival, still attached to Natsu’s side, looking weary at the prospect of him leaving.
"Oh Natsu~" she began, her hands clutched to her chest and a dreamy look in her eyes, "why don’t you stay here with me? That way, we can always be together~"
Natsu remained unphased by her proposal, his hands held behind his head as he mindlessly kicked his leg back and forth.
"Nah, sorry, but I’ve already promised that to someone else," he replied casually, "plus, I gotta stick with Lucy, make sure she doesn’t get herself into trouble."
Her shoulders slumped over at his response, eyes now trained to her feet as she stood in silence for what seemed like the first time since they had embarked.
"Oh… well…" she mumbled, "thank you for escorting me home…"
He acknowledged her thanks with a curt nod before turning on his heel when Erza approached him so the two could join the rest of their team to begin the long journey home. Before they could get too far, the familiar voice called out to them from behind.
"Goodbye Natsu! And- and goodbye everyone else!"
As soon as Natsu and Erza joined them, Lucy felt an arm slung around her shoulder, pulling her closer to his warm body. When she looked over, she was met with Natsu beaming at her as though he hadn’t seen her in days, even though they had technically been together the entire time.
"Hi," she greeted softly.
"Hey!" he replied, none of his enthusiasm waning.
All of the anxieties and bad feelings that had built up in her mind over the past few days slowly began to melt away in his presence, and she felt her entire body relax into his hold. This is what she had been craving—to feel him, his presence, his touch—not even in a romantic way. Natsu was her best friend, the beginning and end of everything good in her life, and just being by his side was privilege enough.
Now that they were alone, she felt herself loosen up, feeling comfortable enough to gently tease him about the whole scenario.
"So, you're not going to run away with the love of your life today?" She asked in a teasing tone.
"Nah, not my type," he shrugged, his voice solemn in response.
"What? Since when did you have a type?" She gawked, looking into his eyes to try and find some shred of evidence that he was just joking around with her, but his gaze remained dead serious.
He looked at her as though she had grown a second head before saying, "You didn’t know?"
Having gained this new information, she could only sit there and stare at him, mouth agape. She didn’t even realise that he could even be physically attracted to someone, let alone have a "type", but here he was, acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Geez, you’re kinda dense," he mumbled, "weirdo."
Wh- Her? Dense?
If anything, he was the dense one! She had been crushing on him for months now, and it wasn’t like she had exactly been subtle about it, but he never seemed to acknowledge that anything in her behaviour had changed.
"I am not dense," she ardently defended.
"Sure, sure," he brushed off, ready to move on to the next topic. "You’re pretty crappy at pickin’ out jobs Lucy."
Her first instinct was to jump to her own defence once more, but if she was being honest with herself, she couldn’t exactly disagree with him on this one.
"Well, it wasn’t exactly my best choice…" she murmured.
"Which is why you’re not allowed to pick out a job for the next three months!" Natsu declared.
"Aye!" Happy agreed, a little too enthusiastically for Lucy’s taste.
"You’re not supposed to agree with him, you stupid cat!"
While she had grown to enjoy Happy’s friendly companionship over the past few days, she secretly welcomed the return of his snarky remarks because it meant that finally things were going back to the way things should be.
"You're usually quick to complain when you don't like a job," she pointed out, "so what was different this time?"
"Yeah well, I didn’t wanna piss her off or anything," he shrugged, "otherwise, I woulda had to put up with you complaining about losing out on some reward money the whole way home."
Even though he may have used it as an excuse to get a jab in on her, his words sent her heart racing just a little faster. And to think, this whole time she had been stressing out over seeing another girl practically hanging off his arm, when the only reason he tolerated it in the first place was to make her happy.
"You did that… for me?"
He tilted his head and gave her that look again, like she had just said something completely outrageous.
"Course I did," he said, "did you hit your head or somethin’? Is that why you’re being so weird today?"
Not bothering to acknowledge his thinly veiled insult, Lucy wrapped her arms around him, an action that was quickly returned by Natsu as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Thank you, Natsu," she murmured into his chest, "that really means a lot to me."
"Oh uh- yeah, no problem, Lucy," he mumbled, clearly taken off guard by her sudden sappiness.
When she finally pulled away, her gaze was once again met with that goofy smile of his that she was certain could cure her of any emotional ailment.
"Are you guys done having your moment?" Gray interrupted, "‘Cause if you are, we’ve got another three days of walking ahead of us, so let’s get a move on."
A deep flush crossed Lucy’s face when she realised that her little emotional moment had held up the rest of their team, and she mumbled a quick apology as she lightly jogged over to join the two. Natsu followed close behind, catching up to her so they could walk shoulder to shoulder, savouring the feeling of closeness to her after being deprived of it for much too long.
Lucy was content to walk in a comfortable silence with him, just enjoying having him there and knowing that they would have all the time in the world to talk. Natsu however, didn’t seem to share in her feelings, quickly finding himself filling the silence.
"You’re walking too slow, Lucy," he complained.
"I’m walking at the exact same speed you ar-ah!"
Natsu left her no time to rebut, throwing his heavy pack over her shoulders before lifting her up onto his back, eliciting a frightened squeal from Lucy as she suddenly found herself instinctively clinging to his neck as he hoisted her up to adjust his grip on her legs.
"Natsu!" she squealed, as he began to dash ahead of their teammates, earning them baffled stares from the townspeople as they passed them by.
Despite her half-hearted protests, he continued to run, with Happy chasing behind them as the trio broke into a fit of giggles. His speed had her slipping from his grasp slightly, leading her to grip onto him even tighter and bury her face in the back of his neck until he could pull her back up.
Being back by his side, holding onto him, feeling his entire body shake as he laughed with such infectious joy was all the reassurance she needed. Any doubts she might have had about her place in his life were washed away as he whooped and howled in delight through his antics.
It was always going to be them.
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Quiet Time 4/4
What am I feeling today?
Pretty relaxed and feeling good. I prayed some more than I normally do and it was refreshing. Today will be a good day I think and I can’t wait to get started!
Luke 18 NIV
(v. 1) “Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.”
Just this line encouraged me to pray first before I continued reading🙏🏼 a really good reminder that we should never give up in our prayer life, God always wants us to talk to Him.
(v. 7-8) “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?””
Basically, if we continually come to God with everything, He’ll bring us justice, He’ll work for us because we’re relying on Him. But we need to fully submit in all areas of our life.
(v. 9-14) “To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.””
I never understood having that high and mighty mindset. We all fall short and we all sin. There’s nothing that is worse than the other, they all disgust and hurt God so we must repent of everything and be humble before Him, asking for mercy.
(v. 15-17) “People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.””
It’s sweet that he cared for the children and I think this is something that reflects on someone’s character. How willing are you to care for children? I think it says a lot! Also, that excitement and wonder we have as children is something we need to maintain while in the kingdom!
(v. 19) ““Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.”
This right here!! I can call other people good or even myself but truth is, none of us are actually good.
(v. 24-25) “Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.””
Basically, money can’t be an idol or master of your life. Of course you need money in order to survive but you don’t need to be rich. Getting money shouldn’t be your motivation. There’s no point of building up wealth here on earth.
(v. 29-30) ““Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.””
Basically, when the time comes, we will be blessed for having given up everything for the sake of the kingdom🤗
#bible#quiet time#bible quote#bible scripture#bible verse#christian blog#christian faith#christian living#christianity#faith in jesus#bible study#devo#faith#faith in god#jesus#devotional#disciple of christ#daily devotional#discipleship#jesus saves#jesus loves you#love#christian#saras devotionals#4/4
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DEFECTIVE GOOD
PART 15:
Warning: Emotional support cat mentioned 🤣
JR was looking at Rey training and smiled to herself. She had advanced quite a lot and by what she could see, she was rapidly becoming stronger and talented with wielding the Force. As days passed, so did JR’s dilemma as she kept glancing down at the transmitter around her wrist. She hadn’t contacted General Hux in weeks. What was she meant to do now ?
She knew he would probably not understand.
She sighed and then thought about Lord Kylo Ren. She had promised him to keep an eye on Rey, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to come back to the life she had left. She wasn’t meant to be here. She wasn’t meant to be free…
She sighed before her eyes and ears captured a conversation between Rey and Luke.
"Ren failed you, but I will be better. I promise." Rey told Luke whose eyes widened as he sighed and replied with a shake of his head.
"I see the same power in you. The Force is not easy to control. Anyone can be swayed by it and turn to the Dark Side by fear or anger…"
JR listened carefully and she frowned slightly before thinking about it. Ren used to be Luke Skywalker’s apprentice…When had things started to get out of hand ? Lord Kylo Ren had confided in her that he had felt as if his voice didn’t matter…that someone had betrayed him. Could that someone be Luke Skywalker ?
She shook her head.
No. He wouldn’t do that. Luke was a hero and surely trained him well, but then…why ?
Suddenly, Luke spotted her and sighed before walking towards her and crossed her arms over her chest.
"A stormtrooper shouldn’t be eavesdropping." He warned and JR gulped.
"B—But I am not a stormtrooper. Not anymore."
Luke frowned before grabbing her arm and whispering.
"Aren’t you ? Really ?"
JR’s is eyes widened at the clear doubt and suspicion in Luke Skywalker’s voice and she couldn’t say anything. Luke huffed a mock laugh before shaking his head and releasing her.
"…As long as you won’t know who you are, you will never be able to see the path the Force has chosen for you, JR-6025." Luke said and JR’s eyes widened at his words. She had never told him her stormtrooper tag name before…
She stayed there—stunned. She then reluctantly walked away. When Rey’s training was finished for the day, JR came to her and asked:
"I heard you talk about Lord Ren. Tell me. Do you know what happened ?"
Rey sighed and shrugged before looking up at her.
"Ren was getting out of control and Luke had no choice but to stop him. Lord Ren then massacred all the other students at the Jedi Temple and…left." Rey turned her gaze away. "Ben betrayed him and became Lord Kylo Ren. And now, Luke sees him in me…"
JR looked at Rey before smiling.
"Then, he is wrong. Your power may be as great as his, but your heart is nothing like his."
Rey smiled back at her friend’s confidence before looking up at the sky.
"The sun is falling. We should go and get some rest."
JR nodded in agreement.
"You’re right. Goodnight, Rey."
Rey nodded in acknowledgment.
"Goodnight, JR."
As soon as Rey walked away, JR sighed heavily. So, Kylo Ren had betrayed Luke Skywalker, huh? She would never have guessed such a thing could have occurred.
However, she couldn't help but wonder what else Luke had not told her. There must have been more to the story. Why did Ren betray Luke in the first place? It couldn't be simply because he felt his voice didn't matter.
As she walked back to her room, JR couldn't shake off her fears and unanswered questions. She would have to find the answers by herself.
A few hours later:
JR-6025 was sitting nearby the fire—staring at it. She thought of her dream...of leading the galaxy to a better future—to get the war to stop. Was it really possible ? She buried her face in her arms and even though she had the urge to look out and ask the stars for guidance—she stopped herself. She had only ever wished to help...but now, the universe seemed to tell her that the only way to do so was to betray the First Order ? How could she kill Rey ? How could she steal the galaxy’s last hope ?
"JR-6025..." She heard her name and slowly raised her head—not expecting Kylo Ren to be standing there.
She immediately stood up and looked around in a panic. She hoped Rey or Luke wouldn’t sense his presence.
"Lord Ren. You shouldn't be here. You are going to blow my cover !"
He nodded.
"I know. I will not stay for long." He looked back—as if checking that he was truly alone-before turning back towards JR. "How far is Rey in her training ?"
She frowned.
"How do you know that I am with her ?"
He chuckled—as if the answer was obvious.
"Because I know that Hux asked you to spy on her. I also know that he asked you to kill her, but I can see that you've kept your promise. I am...grateful for it."
JR nodded understandingly before she replied.
"She is very skilled. Skywalker is training her well."
Kylo Ren nodded in return before looking around.
"Good. Can you see my surroundings ? I cannot see yours." He asked and she sighed before making sure the door was locked before answering him.
"No. I cannot." She confirmed before thinking about a change of subject. She then asked hesitantly.
"How is...the general ?"
Kylo Ren looked uneasy as he confessed.
"Hux is worried. He doesn't want people to know, but I know he is worried. His mind is troubled. You have gone silent for over a month and he thinks you might be dead. I decided to come and check for myself. I am glad to see that he is wrong."
He smiled and JR smiled back before looking away. JR felt guilty for worrying General Hux, but she knew she had no choice.
"I cannot talk to him. Not now." He confessed and thought Kylo would ask her why, but his answer surprised her.
"Then talk to me." He suggested and JR looked back at him with a small frown of confusion.
"Something is troubling you." He insisted. "Let me know what and maybe will I be able to help."
JR hesitated about sharing her dilemma with him. She opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. She couldn’t tell him. He didn’t care about her. He only cared about Rey. She wasn’t about to let him confuse her and trust him when she pertinently knew the risks.
On one hand, she was terrified of telling him too much and regretting it later. But on the other hand, she found herself compelled by his words and desire to help.
She finally shook her head.
"Lord Kylo Ren. Please. Leave." JR was exhausted and the thought alone of the days to come was enough to make her wish she had never tried to join or spy on the Resistance in the first place. Kylo Ren didn’t leave however and wordlessly sat down next to JR-6025. He then looked down at her and asked.
"What is it ?", he asked and JR-6025 knew she shouldn't be talking to him—especially now. But, he was the only one who seemed to have ever been honest with her. She took a deep breath before answering. She didn't want to be a burden, but she knew she could talk to him.
"I am lost, Lord Kylo Ren." Her eyes glistened as she stared into the flames.
"I am trying to make sense of the future—of what will come." She paused and then, without preamble, she blurted it out. "But I am starting to doubt. Am I meant to be here ? Pretending to be helping Rey ? Spying for Hux ? My life was always dictated by those above me, with no regard for me, my desires, or the life I wanted."
As she spoke, she was thinking of how she was never truly free. She was always told what to do, forced to do this or that. All in the name of a good cause.
And at the end ? What had it all led to ?
"I do not have control and..." Her voice quivered as she finally realized what she had spent her life running away from. "I am scared."
He frowned.
"Is it because of something Luke Skywalker said ?"
She shook her head negatively.
"No...It has nothing to do with him...I just..." She paused and took a deep breath. "...I just don't want to suffer...or make anyone I care about suffer."
Kylo huffed.
"And you believe staying by HIS side would keep you safe ? Would keep us safe ? You genuinely think HE is the best option ?"
"I think..." She paused again as she searched for the words. "I am scared. My entire life has been filled with bad options. Death and torture seem to be the only thing the Force wants out of me..."
The thought made her heart race and she shook her head as if to ward off the idea.
Kylo Ren’s eyes hardened.
"And yet, you still believe that you should stay with the man who decided to make all the worst decisions. The man who tried to KILL me."
Kylo stared at her.
"He will misguide you." Kylo Ren scoffed and looked away. "You think Skywalker knows better ? He knows nothing. The man is a liar. He will disappoint you…like he has disappointed me."
Kylo Ren watched as JR struggled to keep her composure. Her fear of the future and the uncertainty of her life was palpable. With each statement, he felt his own anger boiling inside him. The anger he had felt all those years, with Luke's betrayal.
"He isn't the hero you think he is…He lies to hide his true intentions. He's only acting in his own self-interest."
JR smiled sadly at him before gently holding his wrist and replying.
"Rey told Luke that you had failed him. But, I do not believe it. I believe that you were both scared. I believed that he saw things that the Force showed him…things of his past. And then, he couldn’t bear to face them again. I do not think that either of you were fautive, just afraid."
Kylo looked away and sighed.
"Do you really trust him ?"
She hesitated.
"I trust him to train Rey." She said and Kylo shook his head before he sneered. He couldn’t believe that she would trust Skywalker…
"You really think he is so great ? Then ask him about the WHITE GRAVEYARD." He said and JR’s brow furrowed in confusion.
"White Graveyard ? What are you talking about ?"
Kylo Ren stood up straight and glared at her.
"Ask him. And you will see." And with that Kylo Ren was gone. His spiritual manifestation was gone and all that was left was JR and her questions. The question left JR utterly lost...She had no clue what the "White Graveyard" meant. Was it a place ? Was it a metaphor for something else ?
What could it mean ?
JR was left in a daze of confusion. Her mind raced that night as she tried to make sense of what Kylo had said. Was the White Graveyard something important ? Did it mean something that she didn't know about ?
In her scramble for answers, she felt a wave of frustration wash over her. She was sick of being kept in the dark. She was determined to find the truth about the White Graveyard, and she would start with Luke Skywalker.
The next day, she got up early to find him and found him meditating. She stood before him and Luke frowned at her interruption of his well-deserved solitude…He was about to speak when she cut him to it.
"What is the White Graveyard ?" She asked and Luke’s eyes snapped open before looking back at her with a shocked expression.
"How…How do you know about that place ?"
JR remained silent and Luke sighed.
"HE told you, didn’t he ?"
Luke didn’t even need to ask—he already knew the answer.
"Follow me." Luke said quietly, gesturing for her to follow him. She hesitated before finally following him. He seemed to be walking towards the edge of the small island...
When they arrived at the edge, her eyes widened at the thousands of stormtroopers’ helmets gathered there. She gasped and took a step back. She was taken aback and looked at Skywalker for an explanation.
"...The past..." Luke murmured, still looking at the helmets. "...It always finds its way back..."
At the edge of the island, there were thousands of helmets on the ground...All stacked on top of each other...It reminded JR of a graveyard for soldiers.
"These helmets used to belong to soldiers in the Empire...Those who refused to give up on their beliefs and devotion towards the Empire after the war." Luke eventually explained, his voice low and somber...
"W—What happened to them ?" She asked—afraid of the answer.
"They died..." Luke said, in a soft voice. "...I came here because I thought that by isolating myself...I would be able to escape the cycle..." he said, his voice still low and somber. He pointed at some of the most recent helmets. "But they still found me..."
There was a hint of defeat in his voice...
"…Y—You killed them all ?" JR came to the horrifying conclusion and looked shocked at the sheer number of them.
He didn't answer her directly...
"...I made a choice..." he replied after a while. "I made a choice. And the stormtroopers suffered the consequences..."
She felt anger in her heart.
"…How many ?"
Luke closed his eyes.
"...Hundreds...Thousands..." he counted vaguely—unable to give her a precise number.
"You…I thought you were a hero." Her eyes started watering. "…You killed them. For what ?"
"I had my reasons." Luke stated. "...I was trying to save the galaxy, to bring to it peace..."
JR couldn’t believe her ears.
She thought Luke was so righteous and good, and now she was hearing about the White Graveyard, and how he had slaughtered hundreds—if not thousands—of people. Or her people. People like her. The anger inside her boiled, and the tears in her eyes began falling, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything for a while.
She gritted her teeth.
"DOES THAT LOOK LIKE PEACE TO YOU ?!"
She raised her voice as she picked up a helmet and shoved it against Skywalker’s chest. Luke was momentarily stunned when she raised her voice at him before he raised his voice as well—tired and frustrated by her accusation.
"WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO ?!" he yelled back. Luke grabbed the helmet and threw it to the ground. "IT WAS THE ONLY WAY ! THE ONLY WAY !"
"LIAR !" She screamed. "YOU HAD THE CHOICE ! THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE ! THEY DIDN’T !" She pointed at the helmets and Luke’s gaze hardened.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE REPUBLIC FELL ?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT LED TO ?! THE EMPIRE ?! THE FIRST ORDER ?!" He yelled, his voice becoming angrier with each spoken word. "THE RESISTANCE ?! THE RESISTANCE WAS LOSING ! I DID THE ONLY THING I COULD DO !"
She shook her head.
"YOU KILLED THEM ! AND THEN YOU HID ! YOU DESTROYED INSTEAD OF SAVING ! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAVE THEM !" She started crying. "You were supposed to save us…"
Luke was momentarily taken aback when he saw her crying, but he shook his head and his voice cracked as he tried to defend himself.
"I...I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO !" he yelled back—his voice trembling. "I MADE THE HARDEST CHOICE. IT HAD TO BE DONE !"
He felt guilty and hopeless and sad and desperate.
"I COULDN'T SAVE THEM ALL ! I COULDN'T ! I COULDN'T...NOT AFTER WHAT THE EMPIRE HAD DONE !"
JR looked at the helmet on the ground and her heart sunk, tears beginning to stream down her face. She suddenly felt so much. Anger. Sadness. Sorrow. She could feel it all building up inside of her.
"H—How did it get to this point...?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly. "How did we get to a point where someone like you had to take such a cruel decision...?"
She hit his chest and sobbed.
"How could you ?!"
Luke didn't react to the hit. He only looked at her with a sorrowful expression.
"...I-I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I am not the hero you were expecting. " He whispered to her. He couldn't stand seeing her like this. It was hard enough seeing all the helmets. But when he saw her crying. It caused him almost as much pain...
His heart was breaking...
"…Kylo Ren told me you had tried to kill Ben Solo. Is it true ?" She continued and Luke closed his eyes. Another mistake.
"...Yes..." He said, still not looking at her. But he said it in a much more quiet and resigned voice now. His shoulders slumped, and he finally looked away from the sea...But not directly at HER...He could see countless mistakes spread out before him. All his. JR stopped crying and wiped away the remaining tears.
"...Why...?" She asked with tears in her eyes. She wanted to know why the man she thought was the hero she could trust had failed so spectacularly when it really mattered to her. "Why didn't you try to save Ben Solo...? Why didn't you..."
Tears streamed down her face and she could barely muster her next couple of words...
"...I couldn't take the risk..." He confessed. "I knew what he could become...I had seen it...The darkness was too strong in him...And he hadn't shown a hint of change..."
Luke was staring at the sea, still avoiding eye contact with her.
"...So I did it...I made the choice..." He concluded and JR gritted her teeth in frustration.
"…He had goodness in him. You know that he could have been swayed." Her jaw twitched.
"...I saw that...I saw the goodness...But..." He was silent...And he looked as if he was struggling for words. "...It wasn't enough...He was too far gone...So I tried...I tried to kill him...In his sleep...I-I..."
"…If only you had just listened to him. Why is it that the Force doesn’t tell you to listen ? Listen to the hearts of those you love and those you hate ? Listen to their pain and sorrows and try to understand instead of destroying ? The Force is not a bless…but a curse." She took a step back and looked down at the helmets once more. "So many lives lost because nobody listened…"
Luke was silent. She was right, but it was too late now. He couldn’t take it back. He had been too blind to see it...Or maybe he had been too blinded by fear...Too busy trying to prevent a hypothetical catastrophe...He had forgotten the simple fact that the most powerful weapon in the whole galaxy was compassion.
"I am…sorry." He finally uttered again and JR’s eyes softened. She could hear that it was genuine. She sighed. She knew she couldn’t blame him for saving his own life. No. But, there was another reason behind her anger. She had always followed the First Order and its rules. And she knew that it could have been her down there. Both sides didn’t care about stormtroopers. Stormtroopers were simple side casualties.
And it scared her.
Her lips trembled as she heard him...Her own anger had melted away and she could barely think...He was right...She wanted to say something...Some words of forgiveness...
Some words of reassurance...
Something...Anything.
"I..." She started, though her voice sounded so choked and choked up that she couldn't even continue. All she did was look down at the helmets once more, taking in the sheer size of the graveyard...
Luke watched JR, noticing the anger in her slowly melt away as the weight of his confession sunk in. He was finally being honest with someone, and he felt relieved, but also guilty, considering the fact that the stormtroopers that laid there used to be just like her.
He watched as she looked down at the graveyard, watching as she looked at the helmets one by one. He noticed her lips beginning to tremble. He was scared that she would lash out at him again. That was why he had been avoiding eye contact in the first place.
"…I think I need to be alone for a while." She simply said.
Luke said nothing. He had been trying to avoid looking her in the eyes, but now, he couldn’t avoid it. He saw the sorrow on her face, he saw the hurt in her eyes, he saw the pain in her expression.
He stayed silent as she stated that she needed to be alone, and he didn’t try to stop her.
"Alright…" He said calmly, "I understand…Take as much time as you need…"
And with that, he was gone…She took a deep breath as her her eyes landed on the many white helmets. She took one and slowly put it back on her head. She then sat down and stared far ahead…She however soon felt a presence beside her and she didn’t need to look next to her to know who it was.
"…When I was still a student of Skywalker, he used to have the same kind of White Graveyard near the temple. It was to remember. Once I became Kylo Ren, we sent many stormtroopers across the galaxy to retrieve Skywalker. None of them came back and when we found their bodies—their helmets were missing…"
A deep sense of horror washed through JR as she heard the story about the lost stormtroopers.
She was a stormtrooper herself, one of the countless faceless soldiers that served the First Order without question. The thought that her fellow stormtroopers could be killed and left to die—without any regard for their lives—was a horrifying reality.
She continued to stare at the helmets, this time trying to imagine the faces of the stormtroopers that once wore them. She felt a sense of sorrow and regret wash over her as she thought about their death.
"I wanted you to see this. For you to see that the Force makes victims on both sides. You cannot win a war without casualties." Kylo Ren said.
She closed her eyes and shook her head.
"You have lost hope. And I am trying to keep it alive. To believe that one day I could live in a world without war."
"I cannot afford to have false hope..." He replied harshly. "You dream of a world that cannot exist."
He paused as he leaned back against a rock.
"It is far from reality. Sometimes...some people have to die for others to live. Sometimes...there isn't any hope. I am only acknowledging that fact."
"…Maybe so…" She mused. "But, I want to try."
"And perhaps you are just being naive..." Another silence. "Perhaps it is better not to hope than to hope to save everyone and...end up saving no one..."
He looked away. He was trying to convince himself. She seemed so...optimistic about things. Perhaps, too optimistic. He felt anger bubble inside him. They were on two different worlds...Two worlds that would be on a collision course soon...She was destined to pick the wrong side, and he knew it.
"Do you not see it...?" Kylo's voice was harsh—almost taunting. "You care about everyone...too much. You care about the general, Rey, and even me..."
He let that last word hang in the air.
"If it came down to you and any of us...Who would you decide to save ?" He asked cryptically and JR hesitated.
"…I would find another way. There is another way. There will always be another way." She insisted and Kylo huffed and shook his head.
"You didn't answer the question..." There was no doubt in his voice or gaze. "Answer the question."
"…Lord Ren. I…" She was stuck and she finally sighed in defeat. "I couldn’t choose between two sides of me. You or them. You are asking me to choose something I cannot poss decide upon…I would never choose to value a life over another. I just wish to build myself a better future."
"And what of my better future ?" His voice had hardened. "You only see one path...But, you cannot save everyone. Someone will have to be sacrificed. And somehow, you still haven't figured out that it will be you..."
She stayed silent and looked away. She knew he was right…If she persisted on trying to save everyone or not hurt any of them, she would probably end up destroying herself.
"There it is. You see what I mean, don’t you ?" His voice was triumphant as he spoke. "If you cannot choose between two sides...Then you will always be torn apart." He paused as he looked at her intensely. "You wish to make a difference in this war. To change the future. To change ME...But, you don't have the strength nor the skill for it. You have no idea which path is the correct one. You are only delaying the inevitable..."
She forced herself to remain calm. She couldn’t give in to anger. She couldn’t give in to despair. No matter how true she knew his words to be.
"Luke Skywalker managed to bring peace momentarily. Why can’t I do the same ? And make it last ?" She asked defiantly and Kylo Ren laughed. He laughed mockingly and JR’s heart dropped at the terrible sound. She had never heard him laugh before and that laugh made her shiver. It was such an ugly laugh, the kind that made your eyes water and your heart turn to stone…
"But, you are not Luke Skywalker."
There was finality to his words that made JR look away again. She knew she wasn’t him. And she wasn’t Rey. She wasn’t powerful. But, she also knew that she couldn’t give up. Not now.
"Luke Skywalker is a fool who tried to fight off fate itself..." This time there was a hint of disdain in Kylo Ren’s voice. "He didn't see things for what they were. And you are no different...You believe there is hope. You think that you can make a difference..."
He shook his head slightly in disbelief before huffing a little humourless laugh.
"It is admirable to see you fight for a change. But, your efforts will be in vain. Because, in the end, you will have to make a choice...And that choice will break you."
She closed her eyes and shook her head.
"…I won’t. I refuse. Why can’t you just let me believe ? Why does it matter to you if I hold on to hope ?" She retorted and looked up at him. She didn’t understand. Why did he have to be so cruel ? Try to bring her down ? Crash her dreams ?
That question seemed to take him aback for a moment.
Indeed. Why did it matter to him ? Why did it bother him so much that she held onto something as intangible as hope ? A stormtrooper ? One that didn’t matter ? One that little wishes would certainly never change the outcome of the war ?
"Because..." He sighed and clenched his fist so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "Because I wish I could believe too."
He finally confessed and it took them both aback as the words left his lips. She stayed silent and then offered him her hand. He remained still for a moment as he stared at her extended hand. He wanted to refuse it...To keep going down this path of logic and disdain he had created for himself.
But...He took her hand with a gentle grasp. She smiled and squeezed it.
"You are right. I am not Luke Skywalker…" She agreed. "…but that doesn’t mean I cannot help you. It doesn’t mean I cannot listen and understand."
Kylo closed his eyes and retrieved his hand.
"You are not going to save everyone..." His tone was still sharp and a little harsher than before. "No one can save everyone. Someone always ends up hurt in the end. And when it is all over. I fear that person will be you."
She smiled at his words.
"Then so be it. I am but a stormtrooper anyway. I was born to be disposable. Remember ?" She said half-jokingly.
"Yet you are so much more than that..." He trailed off as he found her hand once more and his grip tightened slightly. "Your life matters."
"…To you ?" She asked as she squeezed his hand. He looked away, avoiding her gaze. He said nothing as he continued to avoid her gaze. The silence was too loud now. Too deafening.
"Yes. To me." He finally confessed and she smiled before chuckling.
"…Do not worry, Lord Ren. I intend to stay alive."
"Good. Because if it ever came down to it..." He hesitated for a moment as if debating himself internally. "...I would never let someone take your life from me..."
She tilted her head quizzically at him.
"…Because I decided to protect Rey as you asked ?"
He shook his head.
"Not just that. Because the thought of someone else having your life in their hands...It..." He paused. "...It does not sit well with me."
There was a moment of silence between them until Kylo spoke again.
"You have to stay alive." His voice was a mix of a soft, friendly tone and the harsh, cold tone he usually used. He needed to make sure she understood that that was the most important thing at the end of the day.
She chuckled and nodded.
"I will. But you better stay alive as well. You and General Hux."
He couldn't help but chuckle as well. She had the ability to make him laugh...To make him feel. And it scared him more than anything.
"We will. I have to go now. But..." He paused. "I will be back."
She smiled.
"I will be waiting…"
He nodded before disappearing.
She stayed silent and closed her eyes…
What was she to do now ?
———————————————————————
"Lord Ren."
Kylo looked over to the entrance to his meditation chamber, to see General Hux standing in the doorway. His expression darkened, the tension quickly returning to his body.
"What do you want, Hux ?" He uttered through clenched teeth, his voice bitter and cold.
General Hux seemed uncertain and uncomfortable as he approached.
"I…was wondering if…you had any news on stormtrooper JR-6025 ?"
Just the fact that he was asking made Armitage himself embarrassed. He didn’t want to seem worried, but JR-6025 hadn’t answered any of his calls in weeks…
"JR-6025 ?" Kylo repeated, his eyes narrowing in disdain. "No, I do not have any news of that...stormtrooper."
He paused, then added in a low voice. "Why do you ask ?"
"…I thought that maybe with the Force you could…" General Hux felt humiliated just asking for it and he closed his eyes as he forced himself to continue. "It has been a few weeks that I haven’t received any transmission from trooper JR-6025 and I thought that maybe you could…use the Force to locate her."
His jaw clenched tightly as he heard Hux's request. He was not sure whether it was because of his mention of the Force, or the fact that Hux would presume to ask him for such favors, but one thing was certain. His anger and his contempt were starting to rise once again.
"And just why should I waste my time doing that ?" He growled. "One stormtrooper. One singular trooper means nothing—they're all the same anyways. They are completely replaceable."
"I know." General Hux forced the words through gritted his teeth—swallowing his pride for now. "But that particular stormtrooper happened to be on a spying mission for me. She was supposed to infiltrate the Rebellion and become an ally to your BELOVED scavenger girl Rey. And so far, I’ve lost signal of my stormtrooper."
"Is that so ?" He retorted, his tone laced with contempt. "Well, if so, isn't it obvious that she's either dead...or has defected to the other side ?"
General Hux shuddered at the thought and shook his head negatively.
"Impossible."
Kylo raised a skeptical eyebrow at the general’s reaction before he sighed.
"The question remains…why would I ever do anything to convenience you ?"
General Hux turned white and his hands clutched into fists by his side.
"For the love of…FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, REN ! COULD YOU JUST PLEASE DO AS YOU’RE TOLD ?!"
Kylo Ren was taken aback by Hux's sudden eruption. His rage was rarely ever this openly displayed. His eyes narrowed in anger, his grip tightening around his lightsaber. Finally, after several seconds, General Hux's anger seemed to die down somewhat, his tone more subdued than before.
"I…apologise. But, this particular stormtrooper is of value to me as a spy who managed to successfully infiltrate the Rebellion."
Kylo Ren seemed to calm down as well as he lowered his hand from his lightsaber.
"And what should I do ? Waste my time searching the entire galaxy for one lone stormtrooper ?"
General Hux let out a small undignified snort.
"We lost time looking for your scavenger girl." General Hux reminded him. "Surely you could spare 30 seconds just locating one stormtrooper, yes ?"
Kylo Ren’s jaw clenched tightly at General Hux’s reply and sneered.
"The search for my scavenger girl was different," he spoke in a cool and collected tone. "She wasn't just a single stormtrooper...she was important."
"JR-6025 is important too." General Hux said mindlessly and immediately regretted it. He knew that Kylo Ren would take any opportunity to bring him down. He quickly corrected himself. "I mean for our plans. She is important…for Supreme Leader Snoke’s plans."
Kylo smirked knowingly, though he didn't call out General Hux's mistake. However, he saw an opportunity to dig the General deeper into his grave.
"For Supreme Leader Snoke’s plans ? Really ?" He repeated with hint of sarcasm. "But Supreme Leader Snoke isn’t aware that a stormtrooper is currently on a mission to spy on Rey...is he ?"
General Hux looked away and sighed. This had all been just a waste of time. Lord Ren would just keep ignoring him or playing with him…He knew asking him for his help was just going to be another one of his regrets…but he had to try.
"Just…could you tell me if she is alive, Ren ? Please." That last word tasted sour on General Hux’s tongue. But, he had lost all signal and even the transmitter seemed untraceable. Kylo paused for a long moment. He hadn’t expected General Hux to go to such lengths. The temptation to deny General Hux his request was strong.
Yet, despite his better senses urging him to refuse, something within him refused to allow it. General Hux seemed genuinely desperate and even though he seemed normal on the outside, something was truly different inside. There was something that seemed to be…missing. Or maybe troubled.
Kylo sighed.
"She's...alive," he finally responded. General Hux ticked at the news and he clenched his teeth.
"You already knew…didn’t you ?" General Hux glared up at him and Kylo Ren didn’t look him in the eyes.
"Where is she, Ren ?"
Kylo’s expression darkened slightly as he saw General Hux's irritation. He knew full well that this conversation was going to turn sour really quickly if he didn’t answer General Hux on her whereabouts, yet he remained silent.
"I am not obligated to tell you where the stormtrooper is." He responded, his tone remaining stoic and calm. General Hux took a few steps forward and narrowed his eyes at him.
"How long have you been communicating with her without my knowledge ?"
Kylo remained silent as he avoided General Hux's piercing blue eyes.
"Communication was not what I was doing with trooper JR-6025." He responded in a low voice, his tone growing slightly colder. "I was..."
He paused, trying to find the words.
"Helping her..." He murmured in a low whisper.
"…Helping her ?" Hux’s hands crossed behind his back. "How ?"
"She was having doubts, General. Doubts about her role within the First Order, about our methods..." A slight smile crossed his lips, though it was subtle. "So I decided to help her escape her doubts, help her see the larger purpose of our mission...You’re welcome."
General Hux rolled his eyes as he took a sharp breath.
"Ren. Tell me. Right now. Where is MY stormtrooper ?"
Kylo Ren sighed and shook his head.
"Trooper JR-6025 is thinking of defecting. To the other side." He responded in a low voice, his smile disappearing. "She is having doubts about the First Order. I am trying to remind her of her role and purpose."
General Hux’s eyes bulged out at the provocative words and it took extraordinary effort not to slap Kylo Ren right there and then.
"NO ! You are lying ! JR-6025 would never…!"
How dared he ?! Suggest that trooper JR-6025 would be thinking of defecting ?! Of betraying him ?!
"Am I now ?" Kylo Ren responded with a small smirk—finding amusement in General Hux’s disbelief. "I am sorry to disappoint you, General. But...she IS on the brink of defecting. She no longer believes in our mission. She no longer believes in the First Order."
He paused for effect, adding with an insufferable little mocking grin, "...or in you."
General Hux had had more than enough from the young Sith’s taunting and took Ren by the collar as he seethed.
"Careful about your words, Ren. JR-6025 has always been incredibly loyal to me. Why would she betray me now ?"
Kylo remained silent for a long moment, surprised by the sudden action and enjoying the look on General Hux's face as the latter tried to wrestle control of the situation back into his hands.
Finally, he smiled even wider than before.
"Loyalty isn't what's driving her away. It's doubt. Doubts about you and your mission. Doubts that I have encouraged her to embrace..."
"…She is MINE, Ren ! Or did you forget ?" General Hux tightened his hold on the Sith Lord as they were now face to face. "Supreme Leader Snoke gave her to ME."
"I am very aware of that fact." Kylo Ren responded coolly, his expression growing colder once more before continuing. "In fact, that is the very thing that has motivated me to help her escape from your grasp."
He paused for a moment, a slight smirk on his lips. "Trooper JR-6025 is not a toy that you can simply possess. She has her own mind, her own agency..."
"NO ! SHE IS A STORMTROOPER ! A STORMTROOPER ! SHE HAS NO MIND ! NO AGENCY ! SHE LIVES AND DIES FOR ME AND YOU WILL NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME !" General Hux finally burst out and his grip on Ren turned almost desperate as he desired the Sith Lord to be wrong and believed that JR-6025 would never betray him. She had told him time and time again how much she believed in him. He wouldn’t let Kylo Ren doubt his trooper.
His lips curled in a predatory smile as he observed General Hux's explosion.
"I would argue otherwise." He muttered. "Trooper JR-6025 is...unique. She is not like the others. And she is certainly not the plaything you believe her to be."
He paused, his eyebrows raising slightly.
"Would you like to know something interesting ?"
General Hux remained silent and Kylo Ren smirked at his silence.
"Trooper JR-6025 is more than capable of independent thought. In the few conversations that I've had with her, she has displayed emotions, feelings and opinions that...that are not typical of your typical stormtrooper. However, the most striking thing about her..." He paused for effect, smiling slightly. "...is her ability to care."
General Hux remained silent.
"She cares, General." He continued, a hint of amusement in his voice. "She cares deeply about her comrades and friends. She cares about her mission. And most importantly..."
He paused for effect, his smile growing slightly brighter still.
"...she cares about you."
"…Shut up." General Hux closed his eyes. "Shut up, Ren."
Kylo Ren ignored his words and chuckled darkly as he added:
"Can you believe that she asked me to protect you ? You ? Out of all people ? She asked me to protect you."
He found himself unable to resist an even broader smile as he watched General Hux wrestle with his emotions.
"Is that so ?" He whispered, suppressing a mocking chuckle. He paused for a long breath before continuing. "Preposterous."
Kylo Ren ignored his disbelief and looked up at General Hux…A weasel. A parasite. And yet...
"To think...this stormtrooper cares for you. For little old you...how charming."
General Hux restrained from lashing out as he released Ren and took a few staggering steps back.
"And what did you tell her ?"
He continued to smile, allowing his amusement to overtake his composure as he noticed General Hux's increasingly agitated state of mind.
"I told her," he uttered with a faint smirk. "That I would do what I could to keep you...safe..."
General Hux rolled his eyes. That little—!
"Tell me where she is…Tell me." General Hux said and Lord Ren huffed a mocking laugh.
"Oh my, General," he uttered teasingly, though a slight note of surprise entered into his tone as he noticed the sudden burst of rage. "If you claim to be such a fan of the stormtrooper's loyalty and devotion, then why don't you trust their commitment toward their own mission ?"
He remained silent for long moment as he watched General Hux's face, the latter's eyes narrowing sharply as the emotions within him continued to swirl. But Ren was not finished yet. This was still a game for him, a way to torment the General and make him suffer.
"Or perhaps...the stormtrooper you trust so much is not so loyal after all ?" He continued, his tone growing slightly sharper.
General Hux’s fists tightened by his side as he replied:
"…If she is indeed a traitor, then she will be punished accordingly."
"And just how will she be punished ?" Kylo responded, his tone becoming more taunting as he continued. "Surely you don't mean to kill such a prized stormtrooper for betraying you ? Surely you would not punish the stormtrooper you so greatly value ?"
General Hux looked away.
"…You and I both know what is the fate of traitors and deserters, Lord Ren." General Hux regained his composure before adding. "So, I do hope that you are wrong. For her sake and the sake of the First Order."
His smile vanished as he saw General Hux's shift in composure. General Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Who else have you told ?"
General Hux's question surprised him.
"No one," He responded calmly.
"…Good. Don’t. Let me handle the situation. It would be better if…Supreme Leader Snoke wasn’t warned yet about her defection. It would only fall back on us…"
He remained silent for a long moment as he considered General Hux's words.
The latter had a point. If Supreme Leader Snoke was warned of the stormtrooper's defection, it could undoubtedly result in both of their demotion or even outright punishment.
"I won't speak of this to anyone." He offered after a moment, "but under one condition..."
"…Which one ?" General Hux tensed up.
He paused for a moment as he looked General Hux directly in the eyes.
"A simple favor." He responded calmly, smiling slightly as he did so. "A small request for this favor, if you will..."
"Out with it." Hux replied shortly—wishing to leave Kylo Ren’s presence at once.
"Since Supreme Leader Snoke does not need to know about this unfortunate development, I ask that I be allowed to keep contact with trooper JR-6025...that you do not warn him for now."
"…Fine." General Hux indulged. "But, her punishment is not of your choice. She is a stormtrooper. If she is a traitor , then she will be judged according to the First Order."
A faint smile crossed his lips as he nodded in agreement.
"So long as I am allowed to keep contact with her..." He murmured. "As for the punishment...I wouldn't dream of interjecting. She will receive whatever the First Order deems necessary."
"…And Ren ?"
He raised a brow, his tone becoming more inquisitive.
"Yes ?" He murmured.
"…Do you truly think that she…cares ? About us ?"
He remained silent for a moment as he thought about the question.
"I do," he replied after a few seconds. "There were moments when we spoke, where I could sense her...care for me and for the First Order. A devotion that superseded her programming."
"I see…" General Hux nodded curtly before walking away.
Ren nodded as General Hux walked away.
He couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as he observed General Hux's departure. He had not intended to be so cruel to the General.
But he had also not expected a stormtrooper to be so capable of caring.
He knew that he had made the right decision in choosing to help JR-6025 escape the First Order. And he was confident that, with some time and effort, he could show her that her loyalty was best placed in him instead...
Lord Ren looked up at the stars and then started wondering if JR-6025 would join him ? Would she be willing to leave her convictions behind and take the opportunity Rey had rejected over and over ?
His thoughts turned to JR-6025 as he considered the possibility that she would indeed join him. And he would welcome her with open arms, knowing that she would be a powerful asset at his side.
And if she was also willing and able to cast aside her devotion to General Hux and the First Order...
Well, then...this could be most promising.
He walked away with a smile on his lips.
Meanwhile with General Hux
General Hux entered his private quarters and once he was inside—he stopped. His gloved hand clenching and unclenching as he thought about JR-6025 betraying him…
He closed his eyes and took a long breath.
It was not an easy thing to accept, losing someone to the Resistance, someone who had shown such dedication to him and the First Order. But, if she did truly have doubts, then there was very little he could do to keep her in the First Order.
General Hux was determined to not let this get to him. After all, a stormtrooper was simply a tool. One that could be easily replaced...
He suddenly balled his hand into a fist and let out a scream of rage as his table went flying.
The First Order was supposed to be perfect. Its stormtroopers were supposed to be obedient, loyal, and free of doubt.
Yet, here he found himself...losing control.
And what for ? A simple stormtrooper.
General Hux paused for a moment before taking another few breaths to calm himself. He would be able to replace her. He had other stormtroopers at his disposal.
After all, all he needed to do was put in a simple order request...
Suddenly, he felt short-of-breath and started panting as something seemed to be bubbling inside of himself—an emotion that caught his throat and made him want to throw up.
He was losing his composure. He could no longer keep himself at bay. His emotions were running wild, a myriad of them clashing with one another.
Anger, fear, frustration...
He gritted his teeth, trying to force himself to regain control. But it was no use...General Hux had never felt so much raw, untamed emotion before. And the fact that a mere stormtrooper was capable of making him feel this way...He clutched his hands even tighter as his chest rose and fell rapidly. He closed his eyes, trying once more to regain control.
His eyes suddenly caught glimpse of an orange blur beside him and before he knew it, his cat Millicent was at his feet—staring at him. She let out a soft meow as her paw landed on the tip of his boot. General Hux paused for a moment as he noticed Millicent's presence.
The sight of the orange feline immediately managed to quell some of his raging emotions, making them slightly easier to handle. He chuckled slightly as the cat landed her paw on the tip of his boot.
"Millicent," he muttered softly as he crouched down to pet her.
General Hux sighed as he embraced the feline.
The cat's purrs and soft fur were immensely soothing. He had spent countless hours with her in his quarters, having gotten quite attached to her over time.
With her in his grasp, his racing heart slowly started to ease. He gently petted the cat with one hand as he simply remained kneeling and cradling her in his arms. He continued to cuddle the cat, its purrs helping to pacify the emotions that still raged inside of him.
His mind continued to swirl with thoughts, with doubts, with fears...
But every time his thoughts became too overwhelming, he would simply shift his focus back onto the feline. It was his anchor for the time being, allowing him to remain centered despite the turmoil that still simmered within him.
"My loyal pet…" He uttered in a whisper. "My most loyal friend. You are right. I shouldn’t let emotions dictate my decisions…"
He chuckled softly as he ran his hand through Millicent's fur. A cat could never betray him like that stormtrooper did. Cats had no need for deception, no need for loyalties, no need for anything other than food and affection.
They were truly loyal. More so than any other creature in the entire galaxy.
"You will never have to face such a problem, will you ?" He murmured, his voice taking on a teasing tone as he scratched the feline behind the ears.
Millicent happily purred in response to the gesture, making General Hux smile to himself.
The cat was indeed loyal. Unlike certain stormtroopers who were so easily swayed by their own emotions and doubts...If only more stormtroopers were like Millicent...then everything would be so much simpler.
"Do not worry, Millicent. Your master is going to find that…traitor. And he will make sure she understands what happens to disloyal pets…" He kept petting the cat. "You will see, Millicent. You will see…"
He looked far ahead and smirked ominously.
General Hux continued to stroke the feline as he nodded in agreement with his own words. Yes, he would find the traitor and make sure she was swiftly punished. That way, other stormtroopers would be deterred from experiencing the same doubts that JR-6025 had felt. And the First Order would once more be seen as powerful and unbeatable. As it should be.
She would see what happened to disloyal pets.
You will see, JR-6025…
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I want to talk about Kallark, Gladiator, because I like him a lot. Not as person, but more as a cool character.
He's present in the new ep of X-Men 97, don't have many lines and just standing there and being cool most of time. But, seeing Charles discussing with the Shi'ar about their government made me think about Gladiator's role in all of this, specially after he agreed with Charles about 'idealism being a sign of insanity', and because of his past.
I'm gonna try to put it into words as best I can. It's too long and i just want to ramble about one of my favorite underrated character(s).
Gladiator is the praetor, he's known for being extremely loyal to the Empire, to the person that sits on the throne, no matter who it is. Yet, hes known for being honorable and having respect for those who beat him up or have high morals, that includes Lilandra, for her kindness, Rachel, Charles and Cyclops (though we know he would not hesitate to fight them if it meant protecting the empire)
Right, he's too prideful, but that's because his powers comes from his confidence on himself. And what bugs about me in his character is that he's too loyal to this government, and they're the solely reason he's the last one of his species and he knows that what they do is wrong.
In War of Kings: Warriors we see Kallark thinking about his past while under the rule of Vulcan.
The Shi'ar are a imperialist and colonizing government. They invade other planets and force these civilizations to kneel under their ruler, and depending of the planet, these can people will end slaves for the Shi'ar without rights. This happened to Kallark's people.
The strontians are/were a very powerful species that even the Shi'ar were scared of their power, but they're mostly gone now, with Kallark, his son Kubark and his cousin Xenith being the last living ones.
Kallark was born to be a soldier and trained to serve the Shi'ar Empire, together with his peers, other strontians of his age, his close friends. And all of them were loyal to the Shi'ar, wanting to prove themselves worthy of being part of the Imperial Guard.
Of course, Kallark was chosen because he was the most dedicated. The only thing the Shi'ar didn't liked about him is that he would often leave the missions to save his peers.
So they test his loyalty by making him attack his own people and kill them to see which one he would choose, his family or his duty. In the end he ends dooming his people by doing exactly what the Shi'ar asked, and it's fucked up.
The elders even say that they knew that Kallark could never turn his back to his duty, because "he's a good soldier". His family dies knowing he had chosen the Shi'ar and not them, his friends die disappointed on him.
The flashback ends with Kallark wodering if he would still follow Vulcan if it meant the fall of the empire, and Kallark decides that he would, because Vulcan is the Emperor and Kallark is loyal to the throne.
And that's what makes me hate him! He's too loyal. To the wrong cause. He's so loyal to the empire he ends up forgetting things he actually cares about, like Lilandra's love for him and his own son.
He loves them deeply, he cares for his people, his friends from his home planet, his friends from the Imperial Guards, his soldiers, his son. However, he can't let go of being a soldier.
We don't know much about his past or what the Shi'ar Empire did to Strotia, but it's clear they forced and pushed their ideals and rules on the young strontians to turn them into loyal weapons. And after years and years of serving the crown, Kallark can't change.
He's fully aware of the atrocities the royal family, the elders, the people in the power do to other civilizations, yet he stays by their side.
That's why when he agreed with Charles in X-Men 97, and Charles started explaining to them how their system was harmful, I was wondering if Kallark feels guilty. If it even crosses his mind what he had done to his own people.
In the comics, when Lilandra is desposed from the throne and the elders try to kill her, Kallark, who has been working for Vulcan until now, despite hating doing so, stays on Lilandra's side.
He loves her, it's obvious, he respects her and knows she only has the best interests in her heart. He even refers to her as 'Majestrix Lilandra'. He mourns her death later, he goes in a blind rage massacre, he kills everyone in sight and Black Cloak even says 'it would be painful for him to live without her'.
Later in Watxm Annual, an issue that focus on Kubark, his son, he shows how much he cares for him, how much he loves and is proud of Kubark's strength and grow.
When Kubark shows he's unhappy in his situation, being the only strontian in a school where every student must stay with their own species, Kallark doesn't listen to him. Kubark says he wants to be unique and choose his own path, Kallark denies, because it's 'not the way of the empire'.
It reminds me that Kallark, who grew up brainwashed to obey the Shi'ar, to believe that being a soldier is his only choice, expects his son to do the same.
In the beginning, Kubark did want to be a soldier like him, he hated being on Earth because he believed his destiny was to be a warrior. Then he learned he would be lonely if he did and he decided he wanted to be a hero. To be himself. And to choose.
Kubark choose to be loyal to his friends and make his own choices. Kallark did not.
So, if he's willing to change his mind and leave his job as praetor aside to protect someone he loves like he did to Lilandra, why he can't do the same for Kubark?
In the end he allows Kubark to go back to Earth. Later Kubark is back on Shi'ar, so we don't know if he was allowed to stay on earth just until he graduated. But he allows Kubark to go back and be himself, because be loves him.
But he stays the same. He never changes. He keeps making had decisions and committing mistakes and doing bad things for the empire.
Kallark is a Shi'ar by citizenship, but he's a Strontian, he's not considerate a Shi'ar, and he might not even have the same rights the Aerie Shi'ar have. He might be the most loyal and powerful soldier of the Empire, but he's nothing more than a strotian, and nothing more than a soldier. He's a soldier first, then majestor, a father, a friend.
Later when I discovered about his past and started to read about him I just made the same questions all the time: Why he never tried to change the way the Empire works? Why he never changed the bad things that the Empire did?
It would be interesting if the writers acknowledged that (that would be expecting much from Marvel). Kubark shows that he cares for Earth and his friends, that he's genuinely good and wants to do goods things. It would be interesting to see him trying to fight his father's ideals and the Empire.
It will never happen. Both these characters are underrated and were already forgotten by the writers, but I wanted to see it.
#i just want to ramble#too many thoughts#kallark#kubark#gladiator#kid gladiator#praetor gladiator#Shi'ar empire#lilandra neramani#marvel#x men#watxm#x men 97
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Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Kino Maniac [07]
Monologue
I wonder why,
I am telling this woman,
the story of my life?
I can tell myself,
just how much of a fool I am being right now.
However,
I simply could not stop myself.
I mean,
it’s like nobody else gets it.
They should know better.
Why I am here, that is.
As well as how important I truly am,
being a descendent of Karlheinz.
Yet...
ー The scene starts in Kino’s room at the Ghouls’ manor
Yui: ...
Kino: What? If you’ve got anything to say, shoot?
Yui: ...Sure, you might be pretty impressive. But you know...
Which is all the more reason why you should reconsider your behavior towards others...
Kino: Hah...Why would you say...?
Yui: Forcing them into submission by threatening them is pointless.
I mean, like this you can’t truly say that they are following you...
Kino: ...
Yui: You can claim that you are ‘guiding’ them all you want...but all you’re doing is making yourself feel better...ーー
Kino: Shut up!
*THUD*
Kino: If you’re so certain about that, then why not try asking that question to the people outside, huh!? To the Ghouls living here!
But you already know how that will end. All of them will obviously tell you that I am the Chosen One!
Yui: ...But, that’s...
...
Kino: ( Why is she looking at me like that...? )
( She sure has some nerve. I better teach her some manners soon... )
...!
*Rustle*
Yui: ...Go ahead and hit me if you want.
But you can hit me all you want, I refuse to bend to your will.
Kino: You little...!
Yui: Tell me...Is that the only way in which you can interact with the people around you...?
If it is...Then I truly pity you...
Kino: ...You pity me...?
Yui: Exactly. You are pitiful...
That’s how I perceive you.
Kino: ...Don’t be ridiculous...
( I’m pitiful...? There’s no way... )
( She doesn’t understand at all. I have to make it clear...I can just do what I always do. )
( Yet... )
...
*Rustle*
Yui: ...
ー Yui runs away
Kino: ...Fuck!
*THUD*
Monologue
In the end,
I did not hit her.
No, that’s not quite right.
Perhaps I could not bring myself to do so.
But why exactly?
The more I think about it,
the more I felt frustration,
welling up inside of me.
Then suddenly it hit me,
I most likely wasn’t able to hit her
because she is Eve.
If I want to get my hands on those powers,
there might once come a day,
where I will need her.
That is why I’m keeping her by my side like this,
and letting her live.
ーー I’m sure that’s all there’s to it.
ー The scene shifts back to the living room
Monologue
At some point, I noticed that my cheeks were wet.
Finally I came to the realization,
that I was crying.
Kino-kun told me,
that he was abandoned at these barren lands,
when he was just a small child,
all by himself.
On top of that,
the one who left him behind here,
was his Karlheinz-san, his own Father...
Kino-kun declared himself,
to be the Chosen One.
And believes that is why he is here.
However...
behind that confident look and words
there was something incredibly sorrowful about his expression,
you could even say,
he looked somewhat hurt.
Perhaps Kino-kun is only trying to protect himself,
by making himself believe,
that he is special.
But even so,
I could not bring myself to forgive him,
after he mercilessly killed that boy,
who did absolutely nothing wrong.
Yui: ...
( There should be something which can be done about this... )
Selection
→ Consider Kino-kun (❦)
Yui ( I have to make Kino-kun realize... )
( That his ways are wrong... )
→ Consider that boy
Yui: ( I can’t let that boy’s death be in vain... )
Yui: ( Right... )
ー Yui recalls what he told her
Ghoul Lad B: I’m positive that everyone else here would love to run away from him right now if only they could.
But they’re terrified of him, so they have no other choice but to obey.
ー The flashback ends
Yui: ( They have no other choice but to obey, because they lack the courage to stand up against him... )
( That boy did have that courage. That’s why he reached out to me, trying to do the right thing. )
( I’m sure there must be others with the same idea amongst the Ghouls. )
( If everyone here changes, then I’m sure Kino-kun will aslo... )
ー Yui runs outside
Yui: Everyone! Listen to me!
Male Ghoul A: ...What could she want?
Yui: If you want to escape this place, go ahead!
Male Ghoul B: Escape, you say...?
Female Ghoul A: ...What makes you think we could do that...?
Yui: ...Why not!?
You can’t continue to live in fear forever...of being discriminated by other Demons, or of Kino-kun!
Have some courage! Please!
( How can I get all of them to realize...? )
( That they can’t keep on living like this forever... )
???: Some nerve you have...
ー Yuuri approaches her
Yui: ...! You are...
Yuuri: I can’t let anyone get away with defying Kino. ...!
*THUD*
Yui: Guh...
ー Yui collapses
Monologue
After a while,
I slowly woke up (目を覚ます).
Thanks to the cold, hard feeling of the floor against my cheek,
I finally regain full consciousness.
It would appear that,
while I was unconscious,
I had been thrown into a prison cell (牢).
ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー
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Monstrous Ball vs Hi Society or Chuck and Blair's evolution
Today I'm in the mood to talk about Gossip Girl Season 6, Episode 5 Monstrous Ball. I have seen many thoughts expressed about it: delusional Dair fans have claimed that somehow Blair going to the ball with Dan proves that she still hadn't chosen between Dan and Chuck; some Chair fans have been irritated and disappointed by Dan's presence and have claimed that it ruined Chuck and Blair's moment; some others have wondered about lack of reaction about Blair going to the ball with Dan from Chuck, asking why was Chuck so indifferent about it.
I think I'm correct to say that the writers were deliberately replaying the premise of Season 1, Episode 10 Hi Society in Monstrous Ball. Both episodes revolve around the cotillion (at the beginning of 6x05 we are even reminded of the Season 1 cotillion by pictures from it), in both episodes Blair goes to the event with not-Chuck - in 1x10 it's Nate, in 6x05 it's Dan. In both episodes Nate and Dan respectively wants to win Blair back but doesn't really love her. In both cases Blair has made it clear that her companion at the ball attends her only as a friend. I believe that Blair in 1x10 really meant it when she emphasized to Nate that she goes with him only as a friend because later at the fitting session she didn't show any interest in Nate, and instead was absorbed with texting to Chuck. To me it means that Nate already had lost his hold over Blair. However, the outcome of Monstrous Ball for all involved parties is very different and this difference is meant to showcase how much Chuck and Blair have grown since Season 1.
I just want to clarify that I don't judge Chuck too hard for his scheming in 1x10 because he was very young, very jealous and very scared and as far as we know he didn't have any reason to think that he was something more to Blair than just a good sex, all he knew was that Blair had fixation on Nate since they were children. Not to mention Chuck's perception of himself as unworthy that caused him so many problems during the show. And I think he deserved a chance to explain his actions because he didn't scheme for his own enjoyment to ruin Blair's evening as Blair accused him to do. Still, Chuck's scheming backfired to him terribly and he ended up heartbroken.
Not so in Monstrous ball. Why was Chuck so calm about Blair attending the cotillion with Dan(and indeed with Dan living at her house)? It was not because Chuck had lost interest in Blair or that he cared more about taking down his father as Dan would like Blair to believe. On the contrary, Chuck's love for Blair had become stronger and more mature. Chuck himself had become older, wiser and stronger, unlike in 1x10, in 6x05 he knows that Blair loves him and, more importantly, he finally trusts her, he relies on her word and holds onto her promises. Therefore it doesn't matter to him anymore with whom Blair goes to the cotillion, Dan can't be a threat to him. The same goes for Blair - during the episode Dan constantly tries to manipulate Blair and sow doubts in her about her future with Chuck, like writing out Blair from Chuck's life in his Chuck chapter. And earlier such manipulations with Blair's insecurities might have worked but Blair too has become stronger and more confident and doesn't allow Dan to deter herself from what she knows is true. She not only loves Chuck, she knows herself, she knows what she wants and she trusts Chuck.
To me it's of principal importance - Chuck and Blair had love since Season 1, but they lacked trust both in themselves and in each other that combined with their individual psychological issues used to thwart their relationship. Not so anymore in Season 6. Chuck and Blair have grown up and left their trust issues in past, that allows them to react differently to similar challenges and therefore all Dan's attempts to break them up are doomed to fail.
In short, Monstrous Ball is a really good episode, and another proof that Chuck and Blair's happy ending was well founded.
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Princess Kaguya / Prologue
Author: Kino Seitaro with Akira
Characters: Tatsumi, Hokuto, Arashi, Kanata, Hiyori
"And so, it will be my―The last performance of the idol Tomoe Hiyori."
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Location: Princess Kaguya Stage
Season: Winter
Tatsumi: ―So this is where the modern version of Princess Kaguya will take place.
Hokuto: How should I put it... It's a very creative stage.
Arashi: But, it's clear a lot of effort went into making this place.
Kanata: It's as if it were a celebration of "Ohisama"-san's "departure"―a sparkling stage.
Hiyori: Mhm, mhm. It's a suitable place to bring our Getto Spectacle to a close!
And so, it will be my―
The last performance of the idol Tomoe Hiyori.
One week ago. Mid-January, at the ES meeting room.
Hokuto: "Shuffle Unit"―"Getto Spectacle[1]."
So that's the unit name that will be used for this project, Anzu.
Hiyori: Mm. It sounds good!
Hokuto: For this Shuffle Project, we have to record on "DJ Classics", a popular educational program that broadcasts modern adaptations of classic works.
Hiyori: I heard that we'll be in charge of reading the modern adaptation of "Princess Kaguya" and singing the theme song. Well, we can do that with the five of us, right?
It's super pretty that we get to perform Princess Kaguya, isn't it, Arashi-chan!
Arashi: Yes, it was so nice and pretty of Anzu-chan to invite us to this project!
Hokuto: ...Stop trying to put pretty in every sentence.
Anyway, I'd like to ask Anzu how the members were chosen.
Putting aside Tomoe-senpai and Narukami, I'm wondering why I, Kazehaya-senpai, and Shinkai-senpai were selected.
Kanata: I was wondering about that, too.
I am not so confident in my "acting ability". I was rather hesitant when I accepted this project.
Tatsumi: The script will be handed to us, won't it? I'd like to check how Princess Kaguya will be performed by the five of us.
Hm. "Princess Kaguya will be adapted into a story about five high school boys in modern times, and then linked to their farewell story"―is it.
Hokuto: I see. So, the producer of the show who came up with this project saw the "OJS Boys" work[2] we did, and made an offer to me and Shinkai-senpai.
Hiyori: "OJS Boys"? Sounds like an interesting job, huh?
Tatsumi: It was a gravure job centered around the "OJS (Prince)" image.
I believe StarPro often receives offers for such work.
Hiyori: Huuh. So it was an interesting job.
If the job came to StarPro, it's not surprising that I had nothing to do with it. Though I would've liked to have taken it.
Well, I'm always everyone's sun, so there's no need for me to be a prince!
Arashi: Ufufu. Having pretty idols like us around might make it a good balance, don't you think?
Hokuto: So what even is this pretty thing?
Hiyori: Fufu. It's a common code word in Pretty 5, isn't it, Arashi-chan ♪
Arashi: It certainly is a common code word, Tomoe-senpai ♪
Hokuto: ...I probably shouldn't dig too deep into this.
Kanata: That's right~ We are getting "sidetracked".
I understand that Hokuto and I were "invited" because of the "prince" work.
But, Tatsumi did not become a "prince", did he?
Is there another "reason"?
Tatsumi: I've been wondering about that myself.
The "OJS Boys" work was accepted by Hiiro-san, not me. So why was I the one chosen from ALKALOID instead of him?
Hm. So it's because the producer was aware of my past activities, despite the fact I had a hiatus period. I'm grateful for being included.
Alright then, the five of us―let us perform the modern version of Princess Kaguya together in this Shuffle Project.
I would like to start practicing as soon as possible for the performance.
However, we have a short period of time―so I think it would go smoother if we were to decide on a leader.
Would anyone like to nominate themselves?
Hiyori: Yes, yes! I would like to be the leader!
Hokuto: How very assertive of you.
Hiyori: But, who would be better qualified than me?
Hokuto: Well, Tomoe-senpai is qualified, considering his achievements and experience―but I'd like to hear the opinions of other members.
Kanata: I think it is fine~ I think someone with leadership experience would be "suitable" for the job.
Arashi: I agree. He's the leader of Eve, so I have no objections.
Tatsumi: Same for me, I don't see any particular problems with it.
Hiyori: Mhm, mhm. It seems like everyone is in agreement. Then, as the leader, I will propose a way to proceed without delay.
I heard that when shooting a movie for the Shuffle Project before, the members all lived in a training camp.
So, why don't we also live together in the old building at Seisoukan to enhance our sense of solidarity?
Hokuto: Wha...! Living together... That's awfully sudden, Tomoe-senpai...?!
Hiyori: But, let's not waste the short time we have before the performance! It's easier not to worry, so let's live together and strengthen our bond!
Hiyori: Come on, let's pack our bags and gather around!
Let's enjoy these extraordinary moments together before we return to the moon[3]. That's some good weather...♪
Getto Spectacle is written as "月都スペクタクル", meaning "Moon Capital Spectacle", however, taking the readings of 月 (getsu) and 都 (to), you obtain ゲット (getto), which means Get in English.
This is referencing the gacha story White Lily.
This is a reference to the Princess Kaguya story. The name of the unit is also a reference to it, since 月の都 (Tsuki no Miyako, lit. Capital of the Moon) is the name of the moon city Princess Kaguya returns to by the end.
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“I personally like it, but you do look silly like this.” Would work with with grumpy old men I think?
Since everything that's currently going on where I'm both stressed and depressed. I've decided to write about my grumpy old men from a request I've got a while ago to help me.
Down Below is tame, mostly goofy besides some Implied body image issues and self esteem Issues.
Inspired by this ask game by creativepromptsforwriting
Quentin wouldn't say he was up with recent fashion trends but he knew what was alright or what was truly ugly and to never be worn out in public.
"Hershell. As much as I do love you. This got to be the worst thing I've seen you pick out so far?"
So as he pulled out the said article of clothing in question from the rack where he can't help it to cringe. Very little was going for it to begin with but the single positive thing was it came in his size for once, cause in today's society they don't bother to glance your way.
Quentin knew that very well. In the fashion industry nobody created for someone like him. For him to finally feel good or at the least be comfortable in his skin.
"But you would look so good in it" However when he turned around to see Hershell, he gritted his teeth, realizing the other man was unaware of the obvious, "Please. For me?"
Call him bitter to the extreme. He didn't really trust them. They often deliberately made their clothes too unseemly on his body, somehow set in making it his fault. So he's fine, dandy even in wearing what he has now.
"I know shopping isn't your favorite. It's not at all easy, I know that for sure myself but I think you deserve to look amazing. More than you do already" As if reading his mind, Hershell does lay off a little though keeps the shirt in hand. "It's up to you"
Stiff, unsure on what to respond, Quentin is looking back at the shirt then up at the man, before inevitably tugging it from his grasp.
"Oh. Give it to me. I'll try it out and show you it's horrendous"
A low albeit surprised chuckle escapes from his partner. So used to his antics. "Uh huh. Go ahead. Be waiting here to see the final results"
Midway in the sentence the dressing room door shuts closed behind Quentin who is sweating in the nerves alone.
Why should he be so scared over such an item?
It was a black Hawaiian button up shirt with small pineapples in the colors of neon pink, yellow and green. Once he slid it onto tense shoulders, he couldn't ignore the gut feeling within. Anxiously clawing at the fabric near his stomach, he should have chosen what was in his comfort zone but he didn’t as a thick headed, stubborn asshole.
Finally Quentin shuffled out the dressing room, nearly five to seven minutes later swallowing his pride.
Hershell is sitting in a spare seat, leant back, eyes up at the ceiling waiting for his return.
"Here I am. Happy now" Quentin mumbles.
Almost immediately Hershell's eyes snap to his then onto the shirt, "I personally like it, but you do look silly like this"
"Great. Just wonderful. I told you this is bullshit"
"I never said it's bad, Quincy. Nothing wrong in looking 'silly' rather you look cute. It suits you" Hersh cooes. His hands hovering over Quentin's sides. So tempted to give a gentle squeeze. "I must say this is my best choice. Floral, Hawaiian shirts do you well"
"Despite it being ugly. Sure. It does" Quentin sarcastically remarks, rolling his eyes at the comment.
"I gotta say you can rock anything if you put your mind in it" Chuckling, Hershell had bent down so he could plant a kiss on Quentin's lips. "You love it, don't you? Wear whatever to your heart's content, you big baby"
Mildly confident Quentin did manage to pipe his opinion, equally as jokeful, "It's… Okay. I guess. Next time I'm going to pick out for you and you're not going to complain, got it? No matter what I pick"
He will make sure to pick the most atrocious eye sore he can possibly find in this side of the country even if it kills him. "And we can wear it together on a date then. We can so be like those mushy couples who match outfits"
"Don't even. So gross I can feel myself getting sick hearing such an idea"
#Requested Ask#Thsc Fic#Ask Away#Grumpy Old Men#Quentin Alabaster#Hershell Panzer#Quentin/Hershell#Henry Stickmin Collection#The Henry Stickmin Collection
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