#how that felt the first time around
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(Red Hood and Batman on a patrol again)
Red Hood:
Batman:
Red Hood: I heard that you and Wonder Woman-
Batman: We are not.
Red Hood: C'mon, B, I have always wanted an Amazonian stepmom.
Batman: Since when?
Red Hood: Since I found out that you and Diana are dating.
Batman: For the final time, that is just a rumor, me and Wonder Woman are not dating, it is strictly professional. And once I find out who started spreading this rumor, I will lecture them.
Red Hood:
Batman:
Red Hood: It was Hal-
Batman: Indeed.
#incorrect quotes#dc comics#incorrect dc quotes#batfam incorrect quotes#jason todd#bruce wayne#red hood#batman#hal jordan#green lantern#another B&J patrol#this time with#wonderbat#rumors#courtesy of Hal#Bruce is about to punch a second Lantern#all Hal needs to do#is ask#guy gardner#how that felt the first time around
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Reframing whenever someone decides to leave you out of something or walks out of your life or just all around neglects your presence not as your loss but as theirs…. like that could have been so much more fun w me in it but I wasn’t and that will forever be your loss
#It might sound arrogant conceited etc but I used to deal w a lot of attachment anxiety bc id be like#That person is so cool. They’re so exciting. They know how to liven something up. I’m missing out on their energy#But now I think ab how they’re missing out on mine too and how they’re at the risk of losing me w every half assed action they take#Loss is never just one way if you know you bring value to something. I legit felt that yesterday for the first time in my life#Ruminating and clinging to ppl less has truly come at the behest of knowing I’m someone worth keeping around#And if you decide not to that’s a failing on your end and I don’t have to overcompensate by proving my worth to you
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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in which steve is sick, eddie is in love, and floor time is being had
Eddie is in the kitchen when he hears the sound of footsteps approaching him. The smile is on his face before he even turns around to catch a glimpse of Steve, gloriously disheveled from all that sleep he’s been catching up on. He’s wearing one of Eddie’s big, fuzzy sweaters that Steve always hogs when he’s sick — which, thankfully, isn’t all that often —, a thick pair of sweats and mismatched socks.
Sickness is the time to wear mismatched socks without judgment, Edwin Munswin, Steve had huffed the first time Eddie saw him with a runny nose and ridiculous socks that definitely didn’t belong together. It had been the first time he admitted to himself that he was absolutely gone for Steve Runny Nose Harrington.
And so it doesn’t come as a surprise to him that his heart stumbles in his chest and the smile on his lips widens. Steve might hate being sick, but Eddie can’t really help but love him even more when he gets like this. When Steve allows himself to be a little weak and for Eddie to take care of him.
“Hi, sunshine,” Eddie says, turning down the heat on the stove to go over to his Stevie, wrapping his arms around the blanket Steve still has around his shoulders. “Sleep well?”
“Mmh.” It’s nothing more than a raspy grunt, a pathetic little noise as Steve cuddles further into Eddie, seeking out his warmth and comfort so freely that Eddie presses a kiss to his slightly sweaty forehead. “Missed you.”
“I’m right here,” he promises, running a hand up and down Steve’s back. “Just made you tea while the soup is warming up. Because you’re gonna have to eat.”
“Okay,” Steve nods, sounding solemn as he does, and Eddie wants to laugh. Gods, he’s so in love, it’s disgusting. Ridiculous. Absolutely laughable. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” A whisper, another promise, another kiss. He unwinds his arms and looks back at the giant pot of soup he made yesterday. “Do you wanna go back to bed or stay here?”
“Here,” Steve sighs and promptly sinks down the counter until he’s sitting on the floor, looking up at Eddie with those beautiful brown eyes, so big and and full of love that Eddie can’t resist ruffling his hair, which earns him a little giggle from Steve.
Oh, right, he’s had the good stuff prescribed from the doctor. This is going to be fun in a few hours.
“You ridiculous man,” Eddie murmurs, trailing his hand from the crown of Steve’s head down across his cheek all the way to his chin in a gentle caress.
“Go back to your soup, you most ridiculous of men,” Steve says in retaliation, but he reaches for his hand to hold as Eddie returns to the stove.
“Technically it’s your soup.”
“That’s what I said.” Eddie looks down to see the most adorable of frowns on Steve’s head, and his heart explodes a little in his chest.
He snorts and squeezes Steve’s hand. “Sure is, baby.”
“See? I’m smart sometimes.”
“No argument from me there,” Eddie says, and he means it.
A hum comes from Steve and then he leans his head against Eddie’s leg. “You’re so nice to me, Eds. I like that you’re nice to me.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
And then it’s quiet, and the weight of Steve against his leg becomes heavier by the second to the point where Eddie is pretty sure Steve’s fallen asleep again. He doesn’t dare to move, but dear God he wants to laugh, he wants to cry, wants to scream at the world how much he loves this ridiculous, adorable, possibly delirious and high on cold medication man who is wrapped in his blanket on their kitchen floor.
“Stevie,” he whispers at last, the soup hot, the tea just cool enough, and cards his hand through Steve’s hair to wake him. “Sunshine, wake up, I have soup for you.”
“Soup?”
“Soup.”
“But I love soup.”
“Then I have great news for you,” Eddie laughs and tilts Steve’s head up so he’ll meet his eyes. “It’s plenty, it’s warm, and you can have some. It’s right here.”
“You made me soup?”
“Yeah, babe,” Eddie chuckles, his heart tearing itself apart at the way Stevie looks up at him with such wonder and awe and love. “I made you so much soup. All for you.”
Steve nods, thinks for a moment and then looks up at Eddie again. “Can we share?”
“You wanna share your soup with me?” Eddie says, crouching down so he’s on eye level with Steve and can brush a kiss to his forehead again.
Steve nods again and reaches for him, clinging to Eddie’s sweater — well, it’s Steve’s technically. “Wanna share everything with you.“
“Even your blanket?”
Steve smiles and nods again, lifting one arm to invite Eddie in, which earns him a laugh. “Alright, let me just…”
He grabs two bowls of soup, Steve’s large mug of tea, two spoons and two pillows from their chairs so they can eat the soup on the floor without uncomfortable heat in their laps.
Later, when soup is but a distant memory of half an hour ago, Steve lets himself fall to the side and slumps into Eddie, head nestled on his shoulder.
“Sleep time again?” Eddie asks.
“No,” Steve slurs, definitely already on his way to half asleep. “Just. Just love you.”
Eddie hums and leans into Steve in return, warm underneath their blanket, surprisingly comfortable on the floor, backs against the counter. “Just love you, too, sunshine.”
And if Eddie closes his eyes, too, lulled into a sleepy state of comfort and warmth, then that’s just one more thing that happens with a sick Steve around.
In sickness and in health, he thinks with that same smile on his lips.
for @seidenbros, i besmooch your forehead with this 🌷🤍
#steddie#steddie fic#stranger things fanfic#stranger things#y’all wick MediMait has like 600mg paracetamol and 18% alcohol and idk if y’all ever had it but it can leave you In A State#so here you have some ridiculous delirious ‘high’ steve and an eddie who couldn’t be more in love#i had meant to write more floor time but it felt forced so i left it where it is#dio words#this is my first sickfic ever idk how this works but them being ridiculously sweet is okay right?#my brother used to be ridiculously sweet on me when i was sick. and i on him. idk there’s just love all around when anyone’s sick#idk how else do deal with this??
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🤡 ⭐️ funny little cardigan 🌙 ❤️
maybe I'll actually dress up and style an outfit or something
#bo posting#my art#crochet#granny square#FINALLY TOOK BETTER PICTURES!!!!!!!!! AUGH#im still unbelievably proud of this#enjoy me never shutting up about it#its the first thing ive finished.... in months#and i feel like crying#ive been so envious of everyone around me being able to even hold a pen#and i had to chanel my creativity elsewhere and that was in this and this only#i was tired and felt guilty for how sick it made me feel to be in artistic spaces#or seeing my friends draw#like??? unproductive. helps no one?? 🗞💥🧠#so this was my solution#its the only creative thing thats made me happy in a long time#its the only creative thing that ive done for myself lately too#doing something creatively for other people has been hard#wahhhhhhh#i want to put my creative energy ive put into crochet into more things. i dont like how hard thats been#idky i havent been able to talk about it#like articulating it properly is one thing but like? never... even tried#i think it hit when it was the only thing i could tell my therapist that i could do that made me happy rn#the only expectations were my own#wow i did NOT intend to vent but hey thanks for reading 💏💖💋💞
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Forget the IF, just wanted to check in and see if YOU were okay dear author? I hope everything is well. I know you have a process lol, but I miss seeing you on my TL from time to time.
oh, kjsdhfjskdf . how sweet<3 thank you for this! I am doing well, crafting ouro alongside some personal shifts and growth and setbacks and victories. it has been a godsend to take all this pressure off for this period and do things my way. though, I'll say: while it has taken and will probably take another while, this silence will be broken at some point. I'll avoid saying soon only because I'm staunchly sticking to my pace&process.
however !! I finished the draft for the first book yesterday. !! I am currently doing some hefty edits, collecting art and testing coding (&learning something new a hundred times over, over, again, whether it be storycrafting, interactivity, ui design, social media, art, code ... the list goes on) and so for the most part, I'm having a good time, as long as we count the entire spectrum of the human condition as a mostly good time. pfft.
I miss hanging out here too! I genuinely can't wait to get back to online shenanigans once I feel ready for it; if you'll have me, of course. I can imagine that this type of secret development is frustrating and everyone has their limit.
It means a lot that you sent this my way. Hope you're doing well too. <3
#OUROBOROS#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#so much has changed that i see the public demo as an entirely different work at this point. It has been a fun but daunting journey and some#part of me is sad that I couldn't handle sharing that process as much as I'd like. but life takes precedent and that's just how it be#im so pleasantly surprised that the majority of people who advocate for mental health first actually follow through on the compassion#they promise. do you know what I mean? ouro & the community around it is tiny in the grand scheme but#I have never felt so supported in my entire life#every time I feel scared or hopeless the people around me (and you know who you are. I love you!!) have given me nothing but grace#and the joy of their friendship. that's enough for me-- for now >:3
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I feel bad for Starlo.
Star has a point, idk what the four were ticked off about, there is like 99% chance everyone willingly participated in the trolley problem, based on what we've seen of his behavior thus far it's not like Starlo to be that big of a jerk/drag them by force/yell at them to do it. Ed's words:
he does it because Star asks NICELY
clearly jealous
It genuinely seemed like a fun time/fun roleplay, especially since every day is the same. Like, the five are supposed to be a rowdy and adventures bunch, what exactly did Starlo do wrong, I'm genuinely confused and curious. Except taking a big liking in Clover (his posse should know that this is a big moment for him, according to Blackjack they've known each other since high school and had the same liking for westerns. So they were basically a nerd gang.) Starlo was kind, patient and considerate towards Clover the whole time, even warned Mooch about them not being bandits, taught Clover gun safety, wanted to bring his posse along for a fun time, thanked Ace for telling him about getting Clover a new hat...
Sure, at first he only liked Clover for being a human, but as Ceroba says, that changed and he grew to genuinely care about them, plus I can't help but think Star saw himself in Clover and that's part of the reason he was so proud of them all the time even when they messed up (I'll talk more about this at some point)
What exactly made Ace want to leave the gang? He even said how he doesn't mind "getting run over by the fake train"
he's so nice. says sorry for forgetting the safety goggles even when he was scatterbrained due to his excitement. I love him so much
The only real "faults" (I'll call them temporary faults) I saw in Star during the Wild East section was that he was even more enthusiastic and more proud than usual. But how couldn't he be when he met a member of the species that he has admired for so long because they have real cowboys and sheriffs on the surface (who are seen as brave heroes who deliver justice, while Star canonically feels like a nobody farmer). His posse should have realized Clover wouldn't be there forever and just let their boss enjoy himself with his "deputy who'd have to leave sooner or later anyway"(or be more patient with him/ask him why he feels this strongly towards Clover/if there's a deeper reason for that). His friends including Ceroba just turn their back on him so quickly instead. The moment he's gotten the chance to feel valued for once and put himself first and not have to take care of this whole town and everyone in it and live his dream of meeting a real human, suddenly "his personality is damaged?"
Star's literally built this whole town, organised everything, he worries about everyone, Ceroba (plus was the one to give her emotional strength before and after Clover's sacrifice), Kanako, the monsters, his family, struggles with feelings of worthlessness yet never wipes that smile off his face, always does his best to be hopeful and optimistic and make others laugh, gave his posse a nap time so they don't become exhausted, gave Ceroba a free home, didn't act upon his feelings towards her and was a 110% supportive, caring friend instead. THAT'S who he is. He's the papa bear of this friend group, the glue holding everyone together.
He was just *really* excited. Y'all know he's insecure and just wishes to escape who he is and yet y'all blame him for liking Clover so much. Yeah, the four are very clearly jealous. But why won't the four of you control your feelings for a while? As mentioned, Clover WILL HAVE TO LEAVE EVENTUALLY. They won't be Star's "deputy" forever (the kid who's just as into westerns as he is, who values justice just as much, who also values doing the right thing. Someone he clearly felt understood in the presence of, whom he loved; just look at the way he talks about Clove during Showdown). Star seems genuinely confused of what he did wrong poor guy just wanted to live his fantasy for once and feel important:
Even at the beginning Moray's like "oh no Martlet is upset" Mooch replies "don't be a buzzkill nothing exciting ever happens around here" and Ray's like "Yeah you've got a point"
If you all agreed to have a little fun with a human who will very soon leave forever why is Starlo's enthusiasm such a big problem? If the posse weren't into this after all (unless they were simply too jealous which could have been solved with a honest talk and a little patience) why are you doing this "rowdy" job with Star in the first place? Do you want your boring routine day to day life so much back? Or just for Clover to leave (which they will soon enough)? You, western enthusiasts, literally met a real human, A HUMAN FROM WESTERNS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PASSIONATELY INTO (clearly not as passionate as Star but passionate ENOUGH to understand where he's coming from).
... okay.
#Like idk if I'm being biased because Star is my favorite character but I kinda just started thinking more and more about this and... yeesh.#Felt like a BIT of an overreaction to blame Starlo this much#No wonder he cracked#and unlike with Ceroba we actually see him do his very best to “fix” what he did “wrong”#i feel so much sympathy for this guy man#WAY more than for Ceroba#sorry fox lady#uty#undertale yellow#starlo uty#uty starlo#like dude literally had to come crawling on his hands and knees for them to forgive him#what “loyal” “supportive” friends they all are#sobbing for star#poor poor man#meanwhile everyone forgave ceroba for much much MUCH worse#she didn't need to burst into tears and beg for forgiveness even though she SHOULD have#everyone forgives her immediately on the spot + she gets a hug from clover#I'm sorry Starlo#like how was he “selfish” and “reckless”#he did something for himself for the 1st time in his life#y'all are reckless too btw#you put yourself first ONCE and they call you selfish#Star had the right to be mad at them for attacking Clover for no reason other than jealousy#wdym he's throwing you around for human business you literally wanted this#he watched the tapes more than 50 times bc that's how much he hates himself#and yet he's still been doing EVERYTHING in his power to be there for EVERYBODY
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Oh, your love is sunlight
Happy (late) Valentine's Day (version without text ↓ +description in tags)
#east blue asylum wing au#zosan#zoro x sanji#zs#first off if its bad quality - it's a huge canvas and it's more pixelated if i try to export the picture than if I screenshot so... :/#I sometimes like assigning songs to different dynamics and or characters I play around with and I've been recently listening to#a lot of Hozier again and I'd like to think that Sunlight is how Zoro sees Sanji - he is Icarus flying to the sun and he is willing to get#burned if only to reach the sunlight - it's a deathtrap... because of course it is... all attachments are but Sanji's love is the death tra#that he welcomes like a moth to a flame because even Icarus felt the bliss and freedom before his wax melted#I haven't depicted it here but Sanji's Hozier song for Zoro would probably be NFWMB because in his eyes Zoro is this untouchable force#that would watch the world go up in flames and when the time Sanji wouldn't mind being a tree just to fuel his fire (im well aware how#cheesy that sounds just bare with me... or better yet listen to the song its really good trust me ok?)#the world starts and ends with him and where they lay#and their shared Hozier song is Francesca because if anything in this au zosan are two lovers stuck in Dante's inferno and sprinting back i#only for the chance to get back to their lover and if that meant going back into hell to look for each other then so be it#there's a part of the song that goes “My life was a storm / Since I was born / How could I fear any hurricane?” which is pretty fitting imo#op#fan art#my art
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« to the stray dogs »
#and to the second stray dogs anniversary of yours truly 🥃#bsdrewatch2023#bsd#dark era#technically 2 years and 10 days of having dived headfirst into bsd. but who's counting. aight story time#dark era is so special. somehow it always reminds me of the first time i watched bsd#5 eps in i thought to myself... huh. dad (huge animation & big-brained stuff fan) would love to watch this too#and he did. so every saturday i'd go over to his place and binge as many eps as we could until we finished it a month or so later#and the part i felt he liked most was dark era bc he was HOOKED- and i was overjoyed.#(i.e. he's a Lot of fun to be around when he's interested in something. the wonder is palpable)#not even the 'woah dostoyevsky!?!? bit got him quite like dark era did and it's such a fond memory to me#maybe bc it was the longest of our rare watch parties and the weekly anticipation was real. maybe bc i found my favorite piece of media-#-and the circumstances certainly played a part... yeah. unforgettable#<- when you need an actual post for the ramble so you whip up a phone gif and it looks reasonably crisp?? huh#tldr how was YOUR first time watching bsd?#*edits#*gifs
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yo, @bennydunbar, check this out
#he tried dying his hair blue on his own for the first time. he went to professionals all the other times#ignore the fact he doesn't have lip piercings in the bottom three#I forgot them and it was too late to draw them#plus who fucking cares I'm the boss around here hehe uhm um actually he took it out because he felt like it#these are simple designs but fun to draw nonetheless#also I've been doing these types of backgrounds lately because I'm too lazy to figure out how to do a proper one#sue me#I draw shit late at night when I've got shit the next day#keeps me entertained#that and also I always feel so inspired during the worst times#but that's a different story#HOPE YOU LIKE THEM BENNY <3#I will DEFINITELY draw you another design if you send me on you wanna see him with :3#my art#your boyfriend game#yb fandom#yb game#yb peter#yb fanart#yb art#yb#your boyfriend peter#your boyfriend fanart#your boyfriend#peter dunbar#peter your boyfriend#peter yb#ybg peter#ybg#I don't think I like the heart dyes actually but oh well. I'm already at 30 tags
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.
#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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I have a ladybug in my room that made it in to find shelter for the winter. It's been flitting around on my windowsills, and every once in a while I see it pop up again. It's been here for a few days so I think we're roommates at this point... I wouldn't know, I haven't asked it yet.
Today I placed a droplet of water in front of it. It practically scampered over and has been drinking for the last five minutes. I hope it understands I offer free refills.
#devarambles#Deva's Natureposting#because I might need a tag for it at this point.#There's a bunch of cottontail deer grazing around too. Nature is waking up again... :')#Also I have a raven that frequents around lately... I want to befriend it so badly#I was watching it through my window but birds are so keen that it spotted me immediately. It was on the ground level and I was two floors u#Needless to say this is probably how Nate felt with Sera at first.#I did not expect real-world parallels to nature but lo#Needless to say I will be leaving a lot of bird food and berries outside in hopes of luring them to my window. Hopefully I make a raven bud#Can you imagine? having it trust me enough to visit me now and again as I have it perch on my arm?#berries in hand as I quote Poe AND annoy my brother at the same time? oh. It would be the dream.#Please come back Raven friend. I just want to be there.#Also something Nate would say. Did he too long for the peculiar friendship found between distrustful avians
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can we all agree episode eight was worth the 600 day wait???
#i said this on twitter but just the thought of this episode is getting me emotional#it’s just so nostalgic and feel good#it really reminds me of how i felt around the time i first got into helluva boss#i don’t know it’s just making me very happy#helluva boss#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss queen bee#helluva boss episode eight#helluva boss season one#helluva boss loona#helluva boss blitzo#helluva boss beelzebub
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Sometimes when I listen to the Beatles I feel like I felt at thirteen again and it feels like the sky widens and there’s endless possibilities and they’re saying what I’m feeling but can’t articulate and I’m lying on my bed and tomorrow I have school and I’ll have school for five more years and I dream of going to Liverpool and I want the magical mystery tour to take me away and I’m learning English with their help and I don’t know the chronological order of the albums yet but it’s fine because they all make me feel so much and I’m slowly learning to distinguish their voices and life is wide and it’s okay and nothing bad has happened yet
#it’s little things like remembering how much I liked old brown show when I first listened to it#or how I could only tell Paul’s voice apart by the way he says his Ks#life was such a wonder then aw man#feeling weird about time passing atm#cause remembering it all is weird because I felt so grown up but I was a literal child#sooooo many things have happened but every time I listen to their music I go back to being that girl#yes I’m an adult now yes I carry much more shit around with me but really the essence of it all is. I still like that music#it still feels like it gives my life purpose#idk it’s important you know#it matters to me#emmys thoughts
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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Percy Jackson show coming out literally is like digging down and unearthing my roots, it was so formative for me, been there through a lot of transitions and phases, through meeting the most important people in my life now, getting to know myself and the world around me, life was so great, but i've grown up and come to know that life continues to be great.
The world doesn't end at 17.
#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#wont say much about it but yes ive been completely deranged about pjo as with all things i like since i was 11 or 12#and now i'm a legal adult in their first year of uni...#how time flows#i wanna go back to reading the ogs#but a part of me also wants it to stay there in that memory#frozen along with everything around it#ion want anything to change especially not that#i remember forming routines around pjo since 1. i enjoyed it 2. i didnt have internet access so i was bored most of the time#3. i had problems sleeping#i would have a night light next to me excited to read the next mission the next character thr development of it all#the whole world felt like it was at the tip of my fingertips moving with every turn of a page#i would start and end my day with the books#life could be a dream sometimes#// maple#pjo#pjo hoo toa#pjo show
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