#how are we feeling about the color balance friends I am not sure if any of these need to be tweaked or not but theres not many other options
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new post for sharing progress on critter the autism cat!! head still needs MEGA work so this time you get a tail preview :3c
#how are we feeling about the color balance friends I am not sure if any of these need to be tweaked or not but theres not many other options#i.e. the pink can either be this pink or red. like those are the only two options LOL#I do think the orange and yellow are pretty close in color but can't decide on a more vibrant orange or a lighter yellow....#original plushie designs#autism cat plushie#critter the autism cat
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Grudges
Pairing: Regulus Black x Reader, Potter!Reader
Warnings: angst!
Word Count: 6.2K+
A/N: Alright listen I am a Lily Evans stan through and through but she does not come across the greatest in this fic
“Stop biting your nails,” Regulus nudged you lightly.
“Sorry,” you said sheepishly, “I just hope the first term went well for Celeste. I’ve missed her so much.” You rested your head on Regulus’s shoulder.
“Celeste sent us about a thousand owls with updates. She’s fine! Plus she’s had Milo with her.” Regulus made a good point. Your daughter, Celeste, had started her first year at Hogwarts at the same time as her cousin Milo.
“Where are Sirius and Remus anyway?” You asked, glancing at your watch, “The train is going to be in any minute now.”
As if on cue, you saw Sirius and Remus running through King’s Cross. Remus was carrying an empty carseat and Sirius was balancing a baby in his arms. They made their way over to your spot on the platform and were breathing heavily.
“Someone,” Sirius panted, “take the baby so I can have a moment to collapse.”
“Give me my delicious little nephew,” you grinned, taking the baby from Sirius and giving his chubby cheek a little kiss, “how are you Teddy?”
Teddy gurgled in response and wrapped a chubby hand around a strand of your hair.
“Why exactly are you two so late?” Regulus quirked an eyebrow at his brother.
“You know how it is, baby stuff.” Remus explained, setting the carseat on the ground and taking Teddy back from you.
“Sirius take too long looking at himself in the mirror?” Regulus chuckled.
“You laugh but it’s under the shroud of wicked jealousy,” Sirius deadpanned.
“Can you believe that our kids are first years! It feels like we graduated just yesterday,” you reminisced, threading your arm through Sirius’ and resting your head on his shoulder.
“They’ll be here any minute now!” Sirius grinned, looking at the wave of students getting off the train.
“Sirius! It’s your turn, Teddy needs to be changed.” Remus was now holding Teddy at arms length, his nose wrinkled.
“Oh no,” Sirius peaked at Teddy’s diaper, “Moony this is a two man job. You guys mind waiting for Milo while we fix this?”
“Go for it,” you waved the boys off. You and Regulus were making idle chit chat until a body slammed into you. You looked down and saw the nicely styled brown and black curls and knew it could only have been your nephew.
“Hi Milo,” you said, pressing a kiss to his head.
“Hey Auntie! Have you seen my dads?” He asked, pulling away and hugging Regulus.
“They’re in the bathroom changing Teddy. Have you seen my daughter?” You responded.
“She’s coming. Her and Harry were saying goodbye to Ron and Hermione at the front of the platform.” Milo shrugged. Your blood ran cold.
“Harry?” You asked. Before Milo could respond you saw Celeste skipping towards you.
“Mum! Dad!” Celeste gave you and Regulus a giant hug.
“Celeste! I want to hear all about your term,” you said with a giant grin.
“Sure Mum! I want you to meet one of the greatest friends I made. He’s actually one of Milo’s childhood friends.” Celeste stepped back and revealed Harry standing behind her. Even if you hadn’t recognized the name you would’ve know that Harry was James’s son. Harry was the spitting image of James, save for his eyes. His eyes were the same color as Lily’s.
“Hi! I’m Harry Potter, it’s nice to meet you Mrs. Black, Mr. Black.” Harry extended his hand to you and Regulus. Regulus had the same gobsmacked expression that you did and he swallowed harshly before saying,
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Harry. I understand that you and Celeste have become fast friends.”
“Yes! I’ve known Milo my entire life so he introduced Celeste and I. Milo’s fathers are actually my father’s two closest friends. You might know him, James Potter?” Harry asked.
“Uh, yes. We were in school at the same time as your father.” Regulus said, diplomatically.
“Really?” Harry asked. Before you could continue any further Sirius and Remus returned.
“There’s my godson!” Sirius laughed, wrapping Harry in a tight hug.
“He hugs Harry before he hugs his own son.” Milo rolled his eyes as he hugged Remus and gave his baby brother a kiss on the forehead.
“There’s my boy.” Sirius lifted Milo of the ground in a grandiose show of affection.
“Where are your parents, Harry?” Remus asked.
“Around here somewhere I’m sure.” Harry scanned through the throng of people. He disappeared off and you felt like you could breathe again.
“Alright, love, do you have all your things?” You asked Celeste, running a hand over your daughter’s head, “Regulus grab her trunk.”
“Did you make the Christmas fudge mum?” Celeste asked.
“Three trays of it.” You grinned, pinching Celeste’s cheek.
“Oh Auntie your fudge is the greatest! Dad can we go over to Celeste’s and have some?” Milo asked Remus.
“Why not? You know I have a soft spot for chocolate.” Remus laughed as he tried to juggle both the car seat and Milo’s trunk.
“Give me the baby and give the car seat to Sirius.” You said. Remus went to hand you Teddy but tutted, “Other side, Remus. My shoulder.” You swapped sides and then took Teddy from Remus’ arms and balanced him on your hip.
You were making your way out of the train station when Harry was running back towards you all, a giant smile on his face.
“Alright Harry?” Celeste asked.
“Yeah, yeah. I wanted to introduce our parents. Mr. And Mrs. Black these are my parents James and Lily Potter.” Harry stepped back to reveal his parents. You felt like the wind had been knocked out of you.
“James.” You said, cooly.
“It’s been a while.” James’s tone was as icy as yours.
“Well we should get going,” Lily said diplomatically.
“Yes! Yes. Good to see you. Have a happy Christmas!” Regulus pushed Celeste away before the conversation could progress any further.
Luckily for you all, Celeste forgot all about encounter by the time she got home, had a tin of fudge, and played with her little brother Atlas who had been in private lessons when you all were at the train station. Atlas and Celeste were sleeping peacefully, now, and you were thinking about James as you got in bed next to Regulus.
“Love?” Regulus shook you from your thoughts.
“Yes darling?”
“I was saying that Narcissa called and wants to have tea tomorrow and get all the children together.” Regulus said.
“Oh, sure Reg.” You nodded.
“Thinking about James?”
“You know me so well,” you laughed softly, “it just caught me off-guard…seeing him again.”
“I know. Are you alright?”
“It’s weird, right? Harry and Celeste being friends.” You asked, rubbing your shoulder.
“Yeah, a good weird though. I think we should consider the possibility of telling them that they are related. They deserve to know and it’ll only be worse if they find it out on their own.” Regulus ran his thumb over your knuckles.
“I know you’re right.” You went to bed that night with your thoughts spinning impossibly fast in your brain.
✰
“Oh my God! How can a child so small poop so much?” Remus said in disgust. His entire chest was coated in what had previously been Teddy’s breakfast. Sirius had been walking over to check on Remus, but immediately turned and crept back down the hallway as quietly as he could. “Nice try, Pads! Get back here right now.”
“How did you know I was in the hall?” Sirius asked with a groan, taking over the diaper change while Remus removed his shirt and scourgified it.
“Werewolf hearing, obviously.” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Dads! When are we going to Celeste’s?” Milo asked, peeking his head into the room.
“We’re going to meet Celeste and Atlas at Aunt Narcissa’s house.” Remus responded.
“Oh fuck do we have to go to Narcissa’s? It’s so creepy there.” Sirius complained.
“Really? You aren’t even going to pretend to act like a parent in front of our kid?” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Aunt Narcissa isn’t so bad,” Milo shrugged, “Draco’s kind of annoying though.”
“Of course he is. He’s the spawn of a Black and a Malfoy.” Sirius rolled his eyes at the thought.
“Sirius!” Remus was unfortunately not surprised at his husband’s antics.
“I have a different question.” Milo shook his head, “so you know how Celeste and Atlas are mine and Teddy’s cousins because Dad and Uncle Regulus are brothers?”
“Yeah?” Sirius and Remus weren’t exactly sure where things were going.
“And you know how you two were best friends with Uncle James and Aunt Lily in school?”
“Yeah…” Now Sirius and Remus had an idea where things were going and they didn’t exactly love it.
“Why was I never allowed to have Harry and Celeste over at the same time? And why were things so awkward between everyone at the train station when Celeste’s and Harry’s parents met?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Remus said quickly.
“Yep, Milo, you’re crazy.” Sirius nodded.
“Wait a minute,” Milo’s brain was moving quickly now, “isn’t Auntie’s maiden name Potter? But she doesn’t have a brother…is Uncle James her cousin? Are they fighting? Have they been fighting since before any of us were born? But Auntie always talks about how important family is…did Uncle James do something to break their bond? They must’ve been close since they would have been just a year apart at Hogwarts. And you two are still very close with her and Uncle Reg…in fact Dad I remember you said that Auntie was the person that reunited you with Uncle Reg. So it had to be something really specific between Auntie and Uncle James. Aunt Lily’s face was almost as red as her hair and Uncle Regulus was glaring at Uncle James when we were at the train station so I bet it was something about Auntie marrying Uncle Regulus and Uncle James marrying Aunt Lily. But Uncle James and Aunt Lily got married first so it was probably a fight between Auntie and Uncle James about Aunt Lily!” Milo looked very pleased with himself.
“You’re way off, Milo, it wasn’t like that at all.” Remus said weakly.
“How did you do that?” Sirius was looking at his son now like he was dripping in radioactive waste.
“I knew it!”
“Okay, Milo, listen you can’t tell Celeste or Harry. This is not our information to share.” Remus was very serious.
“Of course, Dad. The secret is safe with me!” Milo beamed.
✰
“Oh my God Ron! How has it taken you this long to cast a communication spell? Fred and George showed it to us like four times before we left for holiday!” Celeste whispered. She was underneath her covers as it was past one in the morning but Milo had sent everyone an owl saying he had an urgent message and needed to talk face to face.
“It was hard, Cel!” Ron tried to defend himself but Harry was laughing too hard to be heard for anyone else on the call to hear him.
“Okay, okay. Milo what’s your news?” Hermione asked, shaking her head.
“I just discovered something big! Something about Celeste and Harry.” Milo said excitedly.
“Does it have something to do with how weird our parents were at the train station?” Harry asked.
“Yes, indeed. Celeste’s mum and Harry’s dad are cousins!” Milo paused to allow the revelation to skin in.
“No way! Why wouldn’t they tell us?” Celeste gasped.
“Apparently they had a really bad falling out and I think it’s because Celeste’s mum and Harry’s mum hate each other!”
“Why would they hate each other?” Hermione asked.
“No idea. But you two are going to have to find out.” Milo grinned.
✰
“So mum,” Celeste asked after you all returned from the Malfoys, “I have a question for you.”
“Sure, love. Did you want any more fudge?” You asked, taking out a tray and cutting off a few pieces.
“Thanks mum!” Celeste took the plate from you.
“Hey Atlas! Do you want any fudge?”
“Yes yes yes!” Your eight year old came running into the kitchen. Atlas looked just like Regulus, dark curls and bright green eyes. Celeste looked more like a potter…more like James, in fact: tanned skin, warm brown eyes, easy smile. Celeste and Harry had looked like twins at the train station. It filled you with an uncomfortable heartache.
“Giving the kids more sugar?” Regulus quipped, helping push Atlas’s chair closer to the table.
“It’s Christmas.” You smiled, “there’s a fresh batch of egg nog in the fridge from this morning if you’d like to join me in a glass.”
“Read my mind, Mrs. Black.” Regulus poured you and him two glasses and you sat at the able with your kids.
“So Celeste, you said you had a question for me?” You asked, leaning back so you were resting against Regulus’s shoulder.
“Are you and Harry’s dad cousins?” Celeste asked. Your back went rigid as Regulus sputtered and choked on his eggnog.
“Why…where did you hear that?” You asked.
“Milo.”
“I’m going to kill Sirius.” Regulus shook his head.
“The truth is, yes, James and I are cousins.”
“Did you have a falling out because you hate Harry’s mum?”
“Oh my god,” Regulus rubbed his temples.
“Who’s Harry?” Atlas asked.
“I do not hate Harry’s mum.” You sighed, “James and I are just not as close as we used to be.”
“You know what,” Regulus stood, “we’re going to Sirius and Remus’s. We can let them explain everything since they felt so strongly about sharing it in the first place.”
“Good idea.” You hoisted Atlas onto your hip, even though he was far too big for it now and apparated as Regulus grabbed firmly onto Celeste’s wrist to apparate them both. You were standing in Sirius and Remus’s living room and you set Atlas down as Sirius entered the room with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn.
“Oh fuck,” Sirius tried to turn on his heel but you grabbed him by the back of the shirt.
“You’ve got a big mouth, Black.” You shoved Sirius down on the couch.
“Moony! Milo! Can you come in here please?” Sirius called as Regulus and Celeste apparated into the room.
“What’s up, Pads?” Remus entered the room, Milo right behind him.
“Hey Auntie,” Milo said shyly, sitting between his fathers on the couch.
“Milo, when we speak to you do you hear words or is it just the Charlie Brown whomp sound?” Remus said with a sigh.
“Sorry,” Milo shrugged.
“We’ll deal with you later. Take your cousins up to your room while your aunt tears me a new asshole.” Sirius sent Milo, Atlas, and Celeste out and then cast a silencing spell over the living room for good measure.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” You said, slapping Sirius on the chest and arms after each word for emphasis.
“Milo guessed it! It was really only a manner of time considering your behavior at Kings Cross.” Remus said with a sigh.
“You’re right.” You flopped on the couch next to Remus and put your head in your hands. Regulus sat down next to you and rubbed your back.
“Do you think it might be time for you and James to reconcile? It’s been ten years since you two last spoke.” Remus asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve been carrying this resentment so long I might feel lonely without it.” You said with a weak chuckle. There was a loud crack in the air and James, Lily, and Harry were standing in the living room.
“Sirius!” James roared, “I’m going to kill you!”
“Milo has another parent! Why do target me?” Sirius threw his hands in the air.
“Kids are upstairs, Harry. Why don’t you join them while we talk?” Remus sent Harry upstairs.
“I think we should have a conversation about how we’d like to proceed. Celeste and Harry are closer than ever and I don’t think any of us have been very fair.” Regulus said with a deep sigh.
✰
“James!” You said in a sing-song voice as you set your book down and settled down on the blanket that James had spread in front of the lake. James, Sirius, and Remus had been taking advantage of the nice day and were studying outside by the Black Lake.
“What is it?” James was pretending to be exasperated but he couldn’t hide his smile. He always had a soft spot for his baby cousin.
“I need your potions notes. We’re brewing liquid luck and Slughorn assigned me a terrible partner.” You said with a sigh.
“Who’d he assign you?” Sirius asked.
“Your little brother,” you said with an eyeroll.
“Come on,” Remus exhaled lazily, handing you a joint that he’d lit a few moments before, “as far as Slytherins go, Regulus is pretty good at potions.”
“Yeah, yeah he’s a potions wiz. I don’t need him mansplaining potions to me so I need to read up on liquid luck and show his ass up.” You said before taking a long drag of the joint, “This is really good, Remus.”
“Thanks, I did get an O in herbology.” Remus laughed.
“Here,” James was forever organized and was able to locate his notes from last year rather quickly, “use them wisely.”
“Hey Prongs did you tell the young Miss Potter your news?” Sirius asked, taking the joint from you.
“No! What’s your news, Jamie?” You poked James in the ribs playfully.
“Now that Lily and I have been dating for a few months now, I’d like for you two to officially meet.” James said with a grin. Your stomach turned unpleasantly. You had only ever seen Lily in passing, considering you were in Slytherin and a year younger than the Marauders. You hadn’t liked how James had pined after Lily considering she did not make it a secret how she despised him. Sure, James was a bit immature sometimes but he had the biggest heart of anyone you knew. You swallowed all that down and grinned,
“Can’t wait. When are we going to meet?”
“Why don’t you come to the Gryffindor common room tomorrow night?”
“Sounds like a plan.” You grinned. You had to leave the warm sun and your friends an hour later to meet with Regulus to start the potions work. You didn’t care for Regulus. Being a close friend of Sirius meant that Regulus was naturally more haughty towards you and you thought he could be unnecessarily cruel whenever he was around Barty Crouch Jr. To you had been less than pleased when Slughorn had paired you together would be an understatement.
You found him sitting at a table in the corner of the library, bent over a book.
“Hello Regulus,” you said, sitting down next to him.
“Hi. I thought we could start with raiding the greenhouses to find some horseradish. The first step of brewing Felix Felicis is to mix ashwinder eggs and horseradish.” Regulus said.
“I think it’d be better actually to substitute wasabi for horseradish. Apparently it makes the potion more potent.” You said, setting James’ notes out in front of you.
“These notes are brilliant,” Regulus snatched up the page and studied it.
“Thanks, they’re my cousin’s.” You shrugged. You worked for a while with Regulus before walking together back to the Slytherin dorms.
“You know…it’s funny.” Regulus said with a small shake of his curls.
“What is?”
“You and I both have close family in Gryffindor. The Gryffindor/Slytherin mix isn’t super common.” Regulus said.
“Yeah I guess you’re right.”
“We’re not so different are we?”
“I’m nothing like you, Regulus. I’m not cruel.” You crossed your arms. You were at your door now and weren’t entirely sure why Regulus had walked you all the way up to the girls dorms.
“The Felix Felicis takes six months to brew. I bet you’ll be under me by then.” Regulus said with a confident laugh.
“In your dreams, Black.” You said with an eyeroll. You entered your room and huffed but had to admit it was a bit hard to hide your smile.
✰
You were nervous as you ascended the steps up to the Gryffindor common room. You didn’t know what it was exactly but you weren’t looking forward to meeting Lily. You shook the thoughts from your brain as Sirius let you into the common room.
“Remus!” You said with a grin, jumping into Remus’s lap and accepting the joint from him. Lily was perched on James’ lap and she was grinding down on him as they made out like their lives depended on it.
“Break it up, love birds, you have company.” Sirius said, slapping James upside the head on his way back to the couches.
“Sorry,” James said, sheepishly, setting Lily down next to him. James introduced you two.
“Lily, it’s great to finally meet you. The guys talk about you all the time.” You said with a smile.
“Ditto! James always says you’re one of the most important people in his life.” Lily grinned.
“Yeah. James and I are both only children so we really felt more like siblings than cousins.”
“Are you the first Potter in Slytherin?” Lily asked. It was an innocent enough question, Lily could not have known that it had been a sore subject in your family. You were the first Potter in Slytherin. No Potter had been in a house that was not in Gryffindor for over one thousand years. It had been a shock to your family.
“Uh, yes I am.” You tried to hide your discomfort over the question.
“Oh. Good for you.”
“And you’re a muggle born, right?”
“Yes.” Lily’s eyes flashed dangerously.
“Good for you.” You responded. The rest of the night passed rather quickly and then James walked you back to the Slytherin dorms.
“So?” He asked excitedly.
“So what?”
“So what did you think of Lily? She’s great, isn’t she?” James was beaming.
“She’s something.” You pursed your lips.
“What do you mean?”
“I hate her.” You said with a head shake. James was shocked. He tried to get more out of you, but you told him you were tired and went to bed. James felt like his brain was in shambles as he made his way back to the Gryffindor common room. Only Lily was left, reading a book by the fire.
“Hey love,” James sat down next to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“Hi James. Have a good walk?” She asked.
“Yeah, yeah. You liked my cousin, right?”
“Your cousin?” Lily said nervously, “Yeah! She’s quite spirited.”
“Oh my god you hate her, don’t you?” James’s heart felt like it had dropped into his ass.
“I do!” Lily groaned, “But honestly I barely know her. We’ll get together more and more and hopefully we’ll become good friends. It’s clear to me that we both care about you a lot and want the best for you.” Lily said. James could only shrug.
✰
As Lily and James became closer and closer, you started spending less and less time in the Gryffindor common room. You also became closer to Regulus as you continued working on your potions project together. You were finally able to meet Regulus for your final potion check before you submit it as a final to Slughorn. As you made your way down you ran into James.
“Hey! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. I miss you.” James said, slinging an arm over your shoulders.
“I know! It’s just been so busy with classes and finals but I’m about to submit my potions final so that’ll be a huge weight off my shoulders.” You said with a grin.
“We’re going to the Three Broomsticks tonight, why don’t you meet us there? Celebrate the end of potions for the year” James said, “We’ll get properly pissed.”
“That sounds great. Who all is going?” You asked.
“The whole gang! Remus, Sirius, Mary, Marlene, Lily.”
“Lily?” You faltered.
“I know you aren’t her biggest fan but I promise it’ll be fun.” James begged.
“Alright! I’ll see you later then. Have a butterbeer waiting for me.” You called as James reascended the steps. He sent you thumbs up before disappearing around the corner. You walked into the potions classroom and saw Slughorn was peering over your cauldron as Regulus explained away.
“Ah Ms. Potter, nice of you to join us. I was just about to review your potion. I believe you and Mr. Black were assigned Felix Felicis.”
“Yes sir, we were.” You nodded.
“As I was saying,” Regulus said with a quick nod in your direction, “we decided to add wasabi instead of horseradish to the potion in order to increase its potency.
“Very smart.” Slughorn nodded. He mulled over the potion for a full two minutes before nodding. “Outstanding work you two. I knew great things would come from the two of you. Your reward is that you are able to keep the potion. I’m sure you both understand, however, that use of the potion during a Quidditch match is strictly illegal.”
“We understand, professor.” Regulus nodded. Professor Slughorn stalked out of the room. You and Regulus hugged tightly.
“We did it! Do you want the potion? I don’t have any use for it.” You said with a shrug.
“Yeah.” Regulus nodded. He uncorked the vial and swallowed it down.
“What are you doing?” You raised your eyebrow and looked at him.
“I needed it for what I’m about to do.” Regulus said. Before you could ask him what he was talking about, Regulus grabbed you by the waist and kissed you hard. You were surprised at first but then you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back.
“Oh wow.” You said when you broke apart.
“Will you go out with me?” Regulus asked, brushing his curls out of his face.
“Yeah. Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks with me?” You asked.
“Yeah I do.” Regulus grinned.
The two of you walked hand in hand to Hogsmeade. It seemed that the Gryffindors had started without you and the group was very, very drunk. Lily was perched in James’s lap again and you tried not to roll your eyes.
“What are you two doing here?” Sirius asked, slurring his words a bit, “I mean…what are you two doing here together?”
“We’re friends, Sirius.” You rolled your eyes. You and Regulus were able to catch up to the rest of the crowd quickly.
“More than that.” Regulus laughed and slung his arm over your shoulders.
“Really?” James narrowed his eyes.
“Why not?” You snuggled yourself deeper into Regulus’s arms.
“He’s a Slytherin. He’s dangerous.” James snapped at you.
“I’m a Slytherin.” You bit the inside of your cheek harshly.
“So you finally made your way over to dark wizards? Guess you really are a Slytherin.” Lily giggled.
“And you’ve proven that you can live up to the stereotype of annoying muggleborns.” You shot back.
“Stop it.” James frowned but it was too late. The storm between you and Lily had been brewing for six months and there was no stopping it now.
“You know what James, I can’t do this anymore. It’s her or me.” Lily crossed her arms over her chest.
“Oh come on! Like James is going to pick some girl he’s been dating for less than a year over his cousin.” You rolled your eyes.
“Don’t do this. You both are being unfair.” James said.
“James didn’t tell you? After we graduate, we’re moving in together.” Lily spat at you.
“Make your choice James.” You said coldly.
“No.” James shook his head.
“Fine,” you said, standing and grabbing Regulus’s hand, “I’ll make it for you. Goodbye.” And you stormed off.
✰
There was quite a bit of electricity in the air during the Quidditch final. It was already charged, being a competition between Gryffindor and Slytherin. You and Regulus were both playing as chaser and seeker respectively. This was an important match for you, you were being scouted by four different professional Quidditch teams and the representatives were all in the stands. You still had a year of Hogwarts left after this one but the teams were ready to make an offer that would work around your school schedule.
You couldn’t think about that right now, though. You wanted to stomp Gryffindor into the dirt. Your blood was pulsating in your ears as Madame Hooch blew the whistle to signify the start of the match.
The match was vicious, with you and James diving at each other and playing dirtier than you ever had to before. You were flying next to James and you shoulder checked him rougher than you should’ve. James nearly fell off his broom but he was able to swing all the way around and restabilize.
“That was a cheap shot!” James spat at you.
“Guess I’m just a lousy Slytherin.” You spat back. “At least I’m not wrapped around the finger of a witch with a stick up her ass.”
That was too far, you knew it, but you were too upset to care. James yanked at the back of your broom just as a bludger rammed itself into your chest. You fell hard and Madame Hooch had been too enraptured in a squabble between the Sirius and the Slytherin beaters to notice what was happening until it was too late. You hit the ground hard and heard a sickening crunch sound as your arm was wrenched awkwardly behind your back. You groaned as Madame Hooch started running towards you and blowing her whistle wildly. Before she reached you, though, your broom did and it embedded itself in your shoulder. You were screaming so loud your throat was raw. You tried to grab at your broom with your other hand but realized that the broom had impaled the fleshy part of your shoulder and was anchoring you to the ground.
“Oh my God,” Madame Hooch gasped as she made her way towards you. Madame Pomfrey was hot on her heels and she knelt down next to you. Regulus made his way down to you next. He dropped to his knees next to you and grabbed at your hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Then Sirius landed. He took one look at you and promptly vomited into the grass. James was there next, his face paler than it had ever been.
“Alright love, I’m going to move you over to the hospital wing where I’ll give you a sedative and assess the damage.” Madame Pomfrey said. You wished that Madame Pomfrey had given you the sedative before she moved you. You had never and would never again experience such pain. Not when you gave birth, not when you had been a victim of cruciatus curse, not ever. Madame Pomfrey had to move you again to St. Mungos and a team of healers were put together to remove your broom from your shoulder and patch you up.
When you were finally stable again, the doctor who had been presiding over your case made his way to your bedside. Your parents and Regulus had been by your side for the entire four day period.
“It will take time for your shoulder to heal. It faced an unbelievable trauma and even after much physical therapy, rigorous potion taking, and rehabilitation your shoulder will never reach its full, working capacity.”
“So I’ll never play Quidditch again.” You said bitterly.
“Oh darling let’s just be happy that you’re okay.” Your mother tried but you shook your head.
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Potter, but no. Playing professionally will not be possible.” The doctor bowed his head.
You refused James’s visits for the next two weeks until you were able to be discharged from the hospital. You were home, laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. You wanted to rip down your Quidditch posters but you couldn’t extend your arm that far up yet. You were forced to just glare up at them.
“Hey, can I come in?” James asked, knocking on your open door. You looked at him and turned back to stare at the ceiling. “You have no idea how sorry I am. I have never felt more terrible in my entire life. I thought you were going to die,” James had tears in his eyes, “and it would have been all my fault. All over something so stupid. But I’m glad that you’re alive. But I am so so sorry that I cost you your career. If I could go back and erase it, I would.”
“I don’t ever want to see you again.” You said softly and stared at the ceiling until James left the room.
✰
You and James did not speak for four years. He got married and you got married and it was bizarre. All of a sudden you were no longer speaking to your best friend. Good things came out of the situation, though. You and Regulus got married and had a baby. Regulus and Sirius repaired their relationship and Sirius and Remus married and had a baby as well. You and Reg had Sirius and Remus over often, watching the newly one year olds play together.
“I still can’t believe that you named her Celeste.” Sirius shook his head.
“Why? You don’t like the name?” You asked with a soft laugh.
“I just can’t believe you stuck with the celestial theme.” Sirius rolled his eyes. Regulus laughed too.
“It wasn’t even my idea,” Regulus laughed, “my darling bride thought of it. She wanted Celeste for a girl and Atlas for a boy.”
“You really are a Slytherin.” Sirius laughed and gave you a kiss on the cheek before scooping Milo up.
“We should get home and give Milo a bath before bed. I don’t know why people think that having babies is hard. Milo’s a dream.” Sirius shrugged. He apparated out. Remus was about to follow when he turned to you.
“What is it Remus?” Regulus asked.
“I know you don’t want to hear it, but James and Lily are in a rough place. James might try to reach back out to you.” Remus said.
“I’m not interested in that.” You said, looking down at your lap.
“I know. Just thought I would give you a heads up.” Remus said with a smile before apparating out.
“Celeste still has so much energy. Should we let her play for a little longer before bed?” Regulus asked, settling into the couch.
“Yeah, why not.” You shrugged. You and Regulus chatted idly for a bit longer before you heard a knock at the door.
“Think that’s Sirius forgetting something?” Regulus asked. You stood up and headed for the door,
“Doubt it. When has Sirius ever knocked?” You laughed. You opened the door and your jaw dropped in shock when you saw James at your doorstep, Harry on his hip.
“Hey.” James said softly.
“James. What are you doing here?” You asked.
“Who is it?” Regulus called from the couch.
“Uh, it’s James.” You responded.
“I’m sorry,” Regulus walked up over to where you were, “I thought you said James but I must have mis-” Regulus went silent.
“What are you doing here?” You asked.
“I, uh, I wanted to see you. I wanted to talk about things.” James said, bouncing Harry on his hip a few times.
“Why don’t you come in,” Regulus stepped back to let James in. He lead James into the sitting room where Celeste was sitting on the ground and playing with her toys.
“Thanks, Regulus.” James said as he entered.
“Why don’t you let Harry play with Celeste?” Regulus offered. James set Harry down next to Celeste. “I’ll go make some tea.” Regulus left you and James sitting on the couch in awkward silence.
“Harry looks like you.” You said softly.
“Yeah, yeah he does. Celeste looks like you.”
“Seems like they were fast friends.” You said. Harry and Celeste were curled up, yawning and grabbing at each other’s feet.
“That’s good. It’s good for cousins to be close.” James said.
“I heard things between you and Lily are rough right now.”
“It’s just a rough patch. But I’m sorry about the way things happened. I want Harry to have his cousin in his life. I want my cousin in my life.” James was nervous, you could tell.
“I don’t know if it’s fair to set up Celeste for that kind of heartbreak. Wouldn’t want the kids to get close only to have Harry abandon Celeste for some girl and then nearly kill her.”
“That’s not fair,” Regulus said, setting down the tray with the tea.
“I don’t have to be fair. James cost me everything.” You said, your jaw set.
“I want to start over. Please. I love you, I miss you.” James begged.
“Then why did you choose Lily?” Emotion was cracking through your cold exterior.
“I didn’t!”
“You did! I’m your family! You never should’ve chosen her over me.” You said, rising from your seat.
“You never should’ve made me choose!” James screamed back.
“Maybe we should revisit this later when everyone has had a chance to calm down.” Regulus stood between you and James now.
“No. I think you’ve made it very clear. Sorry I tried.” James scooped up Harry and left, slamming the door shut behind him.
✰
“No, we haven’t been fair.” You said, “But I’d like an apology.”
“I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry for everything I did to you.” James gushed, grabbing your hand.
“Not from you,” you shook your head, “from Lily.”
#james potter#atyd marauders#marauders#sirius black#remus lupin#regulus black#regulus black angst#regulus black x reader#wolfstar
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Ahsoka's place in SW can be a complicated thing, because I feel both things about her--I too am often frustrated by how Filoni writes her, but I too am also grateful that her character exists and isn't the "default" straight white cis dude character. (Though, I do wish she were played by someone other than RD because of All That.)
Ahsoka got so much flak when she first appeared, people hated her just for existing, for daring to take up any space in the Star Wars story, and then she swung around to being nearly put on a pedestal by a large chunk of the fandom, she was lionized pretty heavily in some corners, and I think we're now going through the further growing pains of backlash against the hype, especially because Ahsoka is in the position of often being used as a bludgeon against the Jedi.
To be honest, I don't see nearly as much criticism of Ahsoka's character as I do for other popular characters, I see far more of Obi-Wan and Anakin and Yoda, but maybe that's just the sphere of experience I have, but I see that criticism balanced out with a ton of fic, art, and positive commentary about her. And it makes me wonder if she's in that awkward spot of not quite as central to the story as the movie characters, but more important than almost any other SW character (in the sense of any one character ever being able to be more "important" than another, you know what I mean) where we haven't quite settled into a stable balance of how to approach her character.
So, she's high level enough now that she can take some people being critical of her character or even just flat-out not being kind to her, because she has so much support from the story itself and from all across the fandom, even as honestly I haven't seen much that's been notably mean to her character. Sure, I see a few posts talking about how Ahsoka is Filoni's Blorbo, but are they truly more common than the posts that are celebrating her character? Genuinely wondering, because that hasn't been my experience. (Honestly, I would say Qui-Gon fans have it worse, given that he's another of Filoni's Blorbos, just without the added bonus of actually having anything fun to counter balance it, where even the people who say he was a True Jedi don't really care about Qui-Gon, you know? There's no skits, no commentary, etc. Just a handful of fic authors who are quietly doing their own thing and being the good in the world they want to see.)
At the same time, I get what you're feeling, that it feels uncomfortable to be critical of a female character, especially one who is played by a WOC, especially in a fandom that is pretty fucking vicious towards female characters having anything to actually do in the story. That the criticism of Ahsoka's character/status as Filoni's Blorbo isn't always fair or considerate, because people are frustrated and SW fandom wears all our nerves down to the last.
I'm not really sure where I land with all of this, because I get both sides, the frustration and the affection both, and I think there needs to be space for both in fandom just because we can't police other people's reactions to stuff. It's hard to continue liking her when she's being pitted against your faves, it's hard to be kind to Jedi fans when they're frustrated because she's being used as a bludgeon against their faves, it's hard to just walk away from people ignoring that Ahsoka is really meaningful to a lot of people because she's a non-romance-focused female character coded as/played by a woman of color, it's hard not to feel like Ahsoka's such a popular character that she can take a few people on tumblr not liking her.
My best advice is to just keep loving Ahsoka in the way that you think will attract the other friends you want to have around you--like, for me, when I talk about Anakin, I often try to do so in a way that's affectionate towards him and the Jedi, how much they loved him and how much I think he loved them in returned, because that's who I want to gravitate towards in fandom, those who like both. I try to do the same with Qui-Gon now and again, when I start getting frustrated by how he's used to bludgeon the Jedi, I start going HEY GUESS WHAT I'M EMOTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH QUI-GON LOVED HIS JEDI FAMILY and it makes me feel better! I would love to see more people do the same with Ahsoka! Prop her up by appealing to how much she loves other characters, too! Like, every time I get frustrated at the way some of fandom treats her, I remember SHE WANTED TO GO BACK TO THE JEDI, SHE LOVED THEM, and I'm like THAT IS MY GIRL I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE IS SO BRAVE TO STRUGGLE THROUGH ALL THIS AND STILL FIND THE LOVE IN HER HEART.
Or sometimes, like with Bo-Katan, I like to lean into them being a hot mess because yessssssss I love a hot mess of a lady because I am a hot mess of a lady and Felt That. I hope Ahsoka gets to be all kinds of deliciously fucked up in her series and making mistakes and learning and being interesting and working her way back to the surface from her own depths because she is SUCH a strong character and deserves to be crunchy as hell/have bite as a character, like HOW MANY YEARS did she stew in her guilt about Anakin, refusing to let it go? How long did she hold onto that fear, so much that even the Force had to smack her in the face to try to make her let it go on Lothal? GIRL, I AM CRYING FOR YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, LET ME GET YOU SOME SOUP AND I HOPE THE FORCE-GHOSTS ALL COME BOTHER YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE EATING ENOUGH, because I love a character that has bite.
This kind of got away from me, but that's usually where I end up when trying to wrap my head around the frustration of a character's place in fandom. I get why people are frustrated with the way Filoni writes her, but also the frustration of feeling like the important representation of her character sometimes gets lost in the shuffle, that both sides have validity, and my best way out of this is to double down on loving everyone in this bar.
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alterhuman alphabet :3
amazing alphabet done by local-xenogender-icon with pathetic answers by me!
A - awakening
i realized i was an therian around 2020. ( i had a lot of free time to actually think about stuff ) .
as for my fictionkins? i never knew the term for it and just assumed it was a tism thing (which, i mean.. it kinda is for me) so i guess you can say since i was 6 or around the age!
B - balance
i dont have any friends. this is 100% a tism thing, but a part of me feels like its an alterhuman thing. i dont understand people that well, but i understand animals!!
as for my grades at school, and navigating school in general- its kinda weird knowing everyone around me is human. my grades are fine, infact im ahead of most people my age. i can communicate with my teachers and peers decently (only when necessary i panic otherwise-) and i get my work done usually on time and easily.
i do experience phantom shifts at school, but they never get in the way!! other than that, im like a spy, sent to spy on the humans !!
C - city
NOPE!!! though i dont really like where i live either... its really conservative.
i got harassed one time while going on a walk just because my hair is un-naturally colored.. :-(
D - diary
Actually, i did come into possession of a diary i could use, but im not to sure how to start one!
E - experience in the community
it kind of depends. the ytubers seem cool, and so do people on tumblr. just a bit intimidating i guess? tiktok is cool too, i love seeing peoples masks and stuff.. but its kinda toxic. mainly because it gives easier access to mainstream without proper education on the topic.
definitely one of the nicer community's ive been in though!!
F - friends
no............... i did try to tell my older sister in 2020 but she judges a lot, im scared to try again. she knows i do quads and judges them for me ALOT! but she loves me (i think-) and shes the only 'friend' i have so-.
G - gear
i own a coyote tail, and ive got masks !!! i also have pets, might seem weird to say their gear but they feel like my little family, even when im more coyote than cat. I also have raccoon stuffies!
I - identity
theriotypes - coyote, rusty spotted cat, siberan-mainecoone mix cat.
kintypes - dave strider, ponyboy curtis
other- raccoon copinglink, feline genus otherhearted
J - jokes
both. it depends on my mood, but im mostly joking around :)
K - knowldege
7/10 :0 im so invested on researching though... so this # will go up im sure. (i say 7 for alot of things though... )
L - liking, loving
i love them :3 its funny, because ive never liked dogs, but my 'main' theriotype is a canine.
N - nature
WILD!!! well, except for my siberian-mainecoone cat. its actually my old (and unfortunely dead) cat.
O - otherhearted
the entire feline genus. ive known this since i was little i think, just never knew the term.
P - popularity
i think my rusty spotted cat is the rarest. im pretty sure my coyote may be the most common?
R - real body
im trans and used to struggle with an ed, so absolutely. my kins effect this heavily as were all male yet we dont represent that on the outside. i sometimes experience species dysphoria, but i think i identify as human just as much as i do animal.
S - sex
no? i think this question might be more for others ahA-
i think my theriotypes are me, and therefore would have the same sex as me.
(though i am female sex, we can pretend i am not- )
T - traits
this is kinda hard to awnser. im not really territoral, but i like to have my own territory, you know? and its like that with basically everything-
i hate putting my own experiences in my own words asidjijfeo0fo
Urges
I lowkey get preydrive as a cat, because i hear birds so often- i think ive learnt to control it growing up, so i can handle it easily.
bonus of living in the country i guess?
W - wondering
wowowowowo (+ my pfp)
Y - yarn
both? though the tail i have currently is real fur.
Z - zoo
They make me sad. I would much rather go to a rescue than a zoo.
#therian#canine therian#otherkin#fictionkin#non human#therian community#quadrobics#coyotekin#otherhearted#nonhuman community#raccoon#copinglink#alphabet#alterhuman alphabet made by local-xenogender-icon#local-xenogender-icon#alterhumanity#alter intro#homestuck mention
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The color between my lines
Summary: The story of the Bojan and Kris is pretty simple. They liked each other, they dated, they broke up. Almost broke up a band over it, too. Really the fact that they are such good friends now is a miracle in itself.
Kris has kept a careful balance ever since. Letting his feelings get the best of him already got him hurt once. He will not do it again. Except, when Jere enters the equation and Bojan seems to be interested in the Finn, can Kris truly let him go? Or will he risk their friendship in an attempt to try again?
Pairings: Bojan Cvjetićanin/Kris Guštin
Warnings: mentions of bullying, an unnamed character getting his arm broken, homophobia, mentions of past bullying Kris experienced
Notes:
On AO3
Okay, so first and foremost, a big thank you to @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare for beta reading this and helping me iron some details, and to @reserved-fruit for letting me expand on one of the prompts she got, I am really thankful to you both <3
Second of all, I know this chapter is a bit short, I was getting into bokris dynamics for the first time and I wanted to give a bit of the backstory first. I hope I did them justice. This fic will probably have 2-3 chapters if I don't get carried away. So yeah, enjoy
Kris’ life, for the most part, was a carefully constructed set of rules. Like a sketchbook full of drawings. You were meant to color it, but there were specific colors you should use and you needed to color in between the lines.
Simple.
Or, it was, before Bojan slowly but surely pushed his way in his life.
Coloring his life over any and all lines, like he couldn't see them at all and breathing to life the colors Kris couldn't have even imagined.
It was a slow but inevitable dance they played, exchanging jabs towards each other. A push and pull, forever circling each other.
“That song doesn't have distortions.” Turned into “I still think you are annoying, but sure, we can hang out after school.” Then, “Please don't faint when you meet my dad.”
“I don't think I ever would have picked up a guitar if it wasn't for you.”
Was it truly a surprise for them to end up together?
“I don't think I ever felt this way about anyone,” Bojan said to him, his eyes wide and honest.
They were at the park, in the middle of the night, sitting on a blanket Kris sneakily took from the far end of the closet. He didn't like sneaking out at night, but only this late did they dare to be this close outside.
Besides, it was summer. It was warm and they had no obligations outside of band practices. Kris thought that for once, he could relax a bit and let himself be a bit more laid back.
Bojan passed his hand through Kris’ short hair and Kris pretended it didn't make him shiver.
“Because you had so many experiences with dating in the first seventeen years of your life?”
Bojan lightly slapped his arm.
“I had a girlfriend before!”
Kris snorted.
“Right. The one you dated for…what? Two weeks?”
“Three!”
“My mistake.”
Bojan pushed him on his back as Kris laughed and kissed him. It was a sure way to quickly end most of their arguments.
And even those were far and few in those first few months of their relationship.
Months were passing quickly, though and as summer melted into autumn and then the beginning of winter, things started to change.
It was on a particularly cold night, after a gig they did that they found themselves in Kris’ house. His parents knew about it by this point, and having expressed their approval, allowed Bojan to come over when he liked.
This was how they ended up lying in Kris’ bed, the post gig adrenaline slowly dying down. Bojan was always hit with the low especially hard afterwards, so Kris made sure he didn't leave him alone after.
“Don't you sometimes wish we could just…go away?” Bojan whispered in the dark.
Kris circled his arms around his waist, pulling him closer to his chest.
“Go where?”
“Anywhere. Anywhere but here.”
Kris felt his heart squeeze painfully at the bitterness in Bojan's voice. He gently turned him so he'd face him.
“What are you saying? Why do you want to leave? I never heard you talk like this before.”
Bojan's eyes were piercing, even in the darkness of Kris’ bedroom.
“I just…don't you wish we could just hold hands in public? Kiss? Just, be ourselves?”
Kris carefully considered his words, his hand automatically intertwining with Bojan's.
“I mean, yes. But we have the time. It's not now or never. We are barely eighteen.”
Bojan huffed, turning his head away. Kris gently turned it back to him.
“Where is all this coming from?”
Bojan shrugged, but Kris could feel there was something deeper than that. So he waited.
“There is a guy from the same year as me, but in a different class. Someone broke his arm during recess today.”
Kris felt the chill sink into his bones despite being in a warm bedroom.
“Oh my God. What happened? Did they do it…on purpose?”
There was slight hesitation before Bojan nodded. Then, all at once, it clicked for Kris.”
“They did it because he is gay.”
It wasn’t a question, but Bojan nodded again. Oh Bojan, Kris thought.
“Are you…” Kris trailed off, unsure what the right word was. Scared? Angry?
“...okay?”
Bojan rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m peachy, but I am not the one with a broken arm, am I?”
“Bojči…”
“Don’t.”
They fell silent, but the tension stayed, hanging heavily in the air. Too heavy for Kris’ childhood bedroom, too heavy than anything that hung between them before.
Kris thought of middle school where people called him a girl and a fag until he cut him hair. How he could have easily been the one to get his arm broken in slightly different circumstances. Yet, what could he say to all that? They couldn’t exactly just pack up and move away on a whim, could they?
Besides, they wouldn’t be in high school forever. For Bojan it was only a few months left, while for Kris, it was one more year. College would be different, they just had to bid their time until then.
There were so many things Kris could say, but Bojan looked so small and exhausted, Kris didn't want to push. When he was angry or felt something was unfair, he could be quite stubborn. Pressing the issue could only result in more argument.
“Alright, maybe we should just go to sleep and talk about this some other time, yeah?”
Bojan looked up at him for a moment, his dark eyes piercing. Kris let him, unsure what he was looking for, exactly. Then, after a moment Bojan simply nodded and wrapped around Kris tighter, as if he was trying to melt into him. Kris chuckled and pressed a kiss into his hair.
“Goodnight Bojči.”
“Goodnight Krisko.”
It didn't get better.
Ever since that night, Bojan kept pushing the issue. Saying how, if they stay, they'll cave under the pressure, get stuffed into a mold and then it'll be too late.
Kris didn't understand. They were still themselves and while certainly, the situation wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t dire either. They were only eighteen. Where would they go? And how?
Bojan didn't seem to have a definitive answer to that, so they stopped arguing. But Kris could tell it didn't leave his mind. Then, things got worse.
Bojan began pulling away. There was no other way of describing it. Not just pulling away from Kris, but from the band, too. Kris wasn't sure what shifted, but ever since Bojan got a new music teacher, he seemed to have completely shifted his worldview.
He kept missing practice and saying he just didn't have a clear idea on the new song they started working on.
Their dates became fewer too, although it did seem Bojan put more effort into maintaining their relationship than he did in maintaining the band.
Kris did wonder why he looked so tired all the time, though. What was he doing?
He came knocking at his front door one day after class and Bojan's mom greeted him. He saw a surprise flash over her face.
“Good afternoon, Mrs Cvjetićanin.”
“Kris, you know you can call me Snežana. But also Bojan isn't home yet.”
Kris made a split second decision to lie and find out what had been happening with Bojan lately. So he smiled, hoping he came off as sheepish and earnest at the same time.
“I actually wanted to come a bit earlier and surprise him, since he had been so busy lately…”
Snežana's face turned understanding.
“Yeah, of course. Come in. You can wait in his room if you'd like. Do you want anything to drink?”
After a bit of small talk with Snežana, Kris found himself in Bojan's room. It was somehow even more of a mess than usual.
What drew Kris in was a stack of papers neatly put on the table. Or well, as neatly as one could expect from Bojan.
When he picked one up, he found they were song lyrics. Not the song lyrics of the new song Kris had been begging Bojan to work on, though. No.
This was-this wasn't even the kind of song that suited the band. And the notes on it confirmed Kris’ suspicion.
It was a solo song.
Kris slowly sat on the bed, the paper still in his hands. He stared blankly, his brain trying to catch up to what he was seeing.
There was only white static in his head, his heart drumming in his ears. Then, the doors opened and Bojan was standing in the doorway.
Kris felt as if time slowed down. He looked up at him. Saw as Bojan's expression flickered between surprised, to fond. Then, his eyes slowly focused on the paper Kris was holding. His face paled.
“Kris, I-”
“Are you leaving the band?”
Bojan closed his mouth, then opened it, then closed it again. The pressure in Kris’ head grew, static turning into white-hot rage.
“Are you leaving the fucking band?!”
Bojan flinched back, his foot hitting the door behind him. Kris breathed in through his teeth.
“I don't know yet. But-probably.”
Kris closed his eyes. Tried to breathe through his anger and something awfully close to heartbreak.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
Kris’ hand trembled as he dragged them through his own hair, nails scratching over the scalp, attempting to ground himself with the pain.
“Humor me.”
“Statistically, solo singers are more likely to make it in the industry.”
He bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood. His breaths came out as labored. He couldn't bring himself to look at Bojan at all.
“So that's what this is about? You want so badly to get away from here, you are willing to leave all of us behind?”
“No!”
Kris finally opened his eyes to see Bojan walking towards him and kneeling down to take Kris’ hands in his own.
“You-you could come with me. If it all works out as it should.”
He swallowed a lump in his throat. Bojan's voice sounded so small, as if pleading him to understand. Kris did understand. But understanding wasn't enough.
“How would that even work? We both agreed we'd have plan B. How do you think this will work with college? Besides, if we are not doing this as a band, how would I even go with you?”
Bojan didn't say anything, which was an answer in itself.
“Is this what your new music teacher told you? Is he pushing you to-”
“He is not pushing me to do anything! I want to do this!”
The black line, crudely drawn across all the other line and colors, cutting it in half.
“Well then,” Kris said, his voice coming out strangely calm, almost frosty, “I suppose there is nothing more to say.”
He saw the exact moment his words hit Bojan, his eyes widening and his face paling even further.
“Wait. Are you breaking up with me?”
Kris felt as if he was in some sort of trance, all his fiery rage turning to ice. He pulled his hands from Bojan's grasp.
“I guess I am.”
He stood up and Bojan did as well, grabbing on to his arms. Kris tried to shake him off, but Bojan held firm.
“No, wait-please listen to me!”
“What is there to listen to? You want to leave? Fine! There is nothing holding you back now!”
Kris began walking towards the door, but then Bojan grabbed him again and pinned him to the door. Kris exhaled shakily and then he was being kissed.
Bojan had never kissed him like this before. So desperate and full of despair. Kris kissed him back and cupped Bojan's face, finding it wet with tears.
By the time he pulled away, they were both breathless.
“Stay,” Bojan whispered, his hot breath ghosting over his lips.
“Only if you do.”
Bojan's face twisted up in pain.
“I can't, Kris I have to try. If I don't try, I'll always wonder what would have happened if I tried. I'm sorry.”
Kris’ ice shield broke and tears slid down his cheeks too.
“I'm sorry, too,” he said and pushed him away.
This time, Bojan didn't try to stop him. Kris walked past the kitchen and living room, hearing Snežana humming to the radio, blissfully unaware.
For the first time, Kris didn't say goodbye to her when he left.
He got out on the street and simply walked. Winter sunset painted the sky in beautiful orange and yellow colors, but Kris felt completely devoid of color.
Like a coloring book with pages torn out and discarded, all the colors uneven and ugly. For the first time he saw them all, but they held no beauty and no warmth.
He swore he would never, ever let Bojan break his heart again. He would never even talk about him ever again.
He was done.
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I’m sorry if this is bothersome, but I am interested in learning how to make GIFs. Could you possibly nudge me in the right direction on how to do so? And, again, I’m sorry if this is an annoying ask, I’m just genuinely curious.
hello sweet friend! this isn't an annoying ask at all! i'm so happy you reached out and i'm more than happy to share some resources + tips that helped me start on my own gif making journey!
lots of info + babbling below the cut!
first, THIS is the initial tutorial i used to get started. you will need Photoshop (or an equivalent, though i will admit i'm not familiar with the other applications) and a computer - and that's pretty much it! i know it can seem overwhelming at first because it's so much information but i promise this tutorial has absolutely everything you'll need and is laid out in a really straightforward way!
second, if you're planning on using the video import method as opposed to screencapping, like i do, you'll need video files. i don't know how to use websites like MEGA or any other file downloader so i got all my videos from THIS youtube channel (which i feel most everyone in the gallavich fandom is already familiar with, lmao) - but the quality is still really really good! 1080p should be all you need. you can either download an application to your computer that converts the files via URL or you can use a website (THIS one is really good) OR you can do what i do sometimes when i realize i'm missing a scene (because some videos that are age restricted [see: dock scene] often won't be convertible via applications and websites) which is screen record on your computer or phone and then plop the file wherever you need it - whatever works best for you!
third, when it comes to adjustments, coloring, editing, etc. it's going to take a lot of trial and error but you WILL get there! my favorite adjustments are: curves, levels, hue/saturation, color balance, selective color, vibrance, and sometimes black & white. my favorite filters are the smart sharpen feature and noise.
for SMART SHARPEN my settings are:
amount: 500%, radius: 0.4px, reduce noise: 10%, remove: gaussian blur
THEN a second adjustment using:
amount: 10%, radius: 10px, reduce noise: 10%, remove: gaussian blur
then for NOISE i usually add 4% noise, uniform, monochromatic! admittedly i just recently started using this filter but i think i've found my sweet spot! feel free to play around with this one. for example, black & white with high level noise gives old movie vibes - experiment, experiment, experiment!
HERE is a link to the BBC coder for colored text for captions
HERE is a link to a website where you can get a ton of free PNG files for overlays and funky edits - just make sure you put "PNG" after your search terms!
i also have a bunch of bookmarked links to various gif maker's resource pages that have been helpful to me in the past - if you'd like them please just DM me and i can send you some links!
finally, do you know about the Shameless Creator's Network? we're a network of digital creators for shameless; all characters, all seasons, all experience levels! if you're on Discord, we have a server where we have channels dedicated to just this: learning, growing, inspiring! HERE is an invite link and HERE is our blog!
otherwise, if you have any other questions or need help along the way, PLEASE don't hesitate to reach out to me via asks or DM - i am MORE than happy to help! i love seeing people learn a new craft and if i can assist at all with that then i absolutely will!
#i hope this is helpful!#please please please don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything else!#putting this under#*macygifs#in case anyone is going through my tag and wants to learn to make them too#macy babbles#redwiccanrobin
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a gray-stone path through a park, lit by tall lamps. plants on either side, a red wall at the back, a black bench to the right. white text reads:
[024] THE CARDINALS. A CALLER WANTS TO BELIEVE. THE HOST TAKES A WALK IN THE PARK.
listen here, or anywhere you find your podcasts. transcript under the cut:
[static, radio tuning]
[Traveling Sales Rep: Don’t touch that dial! We’ll be right back, after these short messages.] [static, radio tuning]
[click]
Hello and welcome to Thin Places Radio. I’m your host,
and it is the middle of the night. But don’t worry. You’re not alone.
[Thin Places theme]
[crickets] [wind blowing] [cars passing distantly]
I’m coming to you still from my studio, which is what I like to call the bench on the edge of this empty park, lamppost lights casting strange shadows through the overhanging trees. There’s something I can feel in the air, here - it’s. Well. It’s thin. The way the wind is pulled in directions it wasn’t blowing. The way the lights flicker slightly different colors when somebody walks by them. People can slip between the cracks here. People have.
The last person of the night is hurrying through in front of me, lights stuttering as they pass, and -
[footsteps] [dog sniffing]
oh, hi, honey! Hello! Not to the person. Their dog saw me.
[dog collar jangles] [basketball dribbling] [feet moving]
There are still a handful of kids out on the basketball court right now. Only one of them is still shooting hoops, laughing at something another one is saying; two more are walking slowly along the perimeter, one balancing carefully, hand on the other’s shoulder, listening.
I’ll make sure they get home safe.
So… what is Thin Places Radio? Well, you can call in about anything strange that you’ve got going on in your life - feelings, omens, premonitions, hauntings.
Are you looking for a friend?
Have you been thinking about the next life?
Did you miss an opportunity that you can’t get back?
When the veil between worlds is thin, we get closer than ever to the strange and the unexplained - but also to each other. Call in, get it off your chest. Lines are open.
[click] [voicemail:]
So. I have had this feeling recently. I was raised Catholic but I am not sure what I believe anymore. I don’t know that I've been sure, ever, what I believe. I really struggle with my religion, and I always have difficulty finding my faith. And I often question whether or not there is a heaven or any kind of life after this. And when I think about the expanse of eternity my blood runs cold. Eternity alive or eternity in void. Either way, it terrifies me. And i don’t know what i believe is there.
But I find comfort in my grandparents, who have all passed away at this point. But they're with me somehow. I don’t know how to explain it but, whenever I am faced with something very difficult or upsetting, usually when I have to make a big choice, around the time that I’m really, you know, things are coming to a head, I have a dream where one of my grandparents visits me, and they just sit with me. And a lot of the time they don't say anything. They just sit with me, and they smile. And I feel warm. And I really think they're there, because the next day, I see a cardinal, and a cardinal is supposed to be the soul of a loved one returning to check in on you.
Recently I saw three cardinals after praying for the first time in a really long time. And the prayer felt weird and uneasy, and strange to me, and the loneliness of the way that i think and the way that I feel about faith and the possibility of a life to come, the thing that always brings me comfort is that my grandparents will come to see me, and I’ll see those cardinals. And I don’t know, I guess my question is, how do I… how do I find a resolution between those two things? It’s something that I’ve really been thinking about all day.
It’s not quite the middle of the night. It’s the middle of the beginning of the night, for me, right now. But I just wanted to get this out of my brain and somewhere else, so. Thanks. Have a great night.
[click]
Hi, caller. Thank you for your thoughtful message. [eerie, curious music] I’ve seen so many strange and wonderful and terrifying things, and I don't know what any of them mean, or what they all mean together. Nobody does. I don’t know what forever looks like either, but it scares me, too.
I don’t think you find the resolution. You see your grandparents, and you see the cardinals, and together, they mean something. But maybe when you pray - if you pray - it will always feel like a shot in the dark, a shout into the void. Maybe you’ll hear something back. Maybe not. Doubt is faith. Faith’s doubt.
You will walk this tightrope your entire life, and maybe that is the resolution. I think it’s the point. The great mystery is where God lives.
[click] [Morse code beeping]
I - I hear it again. There’s something else coming through again. Something I’ve been hearing for a long time. Someone. It’s someone, isn’t it.
-.. --- -. - / -... . / -.. . .- -..
Did you ask me to stay safe once? It feels like I’m trying to keep a promise I don’t remember making.
[click]
[park sounds resume]
One of the teenagers is passing the basketball to their friend, now, who’s walking to the other end of the court. They’re all quiet, and it seems like the park is holding its breath, too.
[like an announcer] Do we think they’ll make the shot? [breath] [ball bounces] Incredible. Nothing but net, if this basket had one. Three points.
The kids are all leaving together, finding their way home. None of them are getting lost tonight. They all make it out of the park, and to their rides or bikes or well-worn paths, and through their front doors, and into their beds.
But I think I'll sit a little longer. I’m not in danger, after all. I’m already in-between. I’ve already gotten lost.
[a cardinal calls]
[click]
Thank you for listening, callers, and thank you for calling, listeners. I hope you feel a little bit lighter. I know I do. As always, our number is 717.382.8093. That’s 717.382.8093. Until next time. I’ll be here.
[static] [Traveling Sales Rep: visit us at the - diner just off -] [Various Garbled Voices: the - road - provides - the - road - provides -]
Thin Places Radio is a podcast written by Kristen O’Neal and produced by Kaitlin Bruder. The voice of Your Host is Kristen O’Neal.
Tonight’s voicemail was left for us by Erin. Editing and sound design are by Kaitlin Bruder, and the music tracks you heard in tonight’s episode are: the Thin Places theme and Unearthed, by Miles Morkri. If you have a question to ask, a story to tell, or a suggestion for the host, give us a call at (717) 382-8093. The lines are always open.
[Thin Places Theme outro]
[another cardinal calls back]
#thin places radio#tpr#episodes#024#the cardinals#caller: erin#fiction podcast#liminal#surreal#faith#belief#signs#codes
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Tales of Multibug & Vipercat:
Chloe’s Internship (But Really, Chloe’s Character Arc)
At first, she did not like it when Ladybug said she didn’t get the bee miraculous anymore.
Then, slowly, she began realizing why she didn’t get the miraculous anymore. She was no better than Lila, who she despised. Sure she never lied to make herself look better, but she lied to get what she wanted and to hurt others. It didn’t matter how good she was as Queen Bee (well, it mattered a little), if she wasn’t as good as Chloe how good was she?
So that’s when she found Marinette and apologized. Actually, she apologized to all of them. The ones who didn’t follow Lie-la anyways. She even tried apologizing to Sabrina, but Sabrina wouldn’t listen.
She was the one who came up with the idea for the Superhero PR department. It regulated anything public about the heroes, issued public statements from Multibug and Vipercat, and as the icing on the cake, could override any social media or blog posts (or even whole blogs) and erase them from the internet.
So yes, maybe she did enjoy getting to click the button to take down the LadyBlog.
But beyond that there was a whole world of legal things she was learning, and it was actually really interesting. She advocated for herself to get an internship, and even went through an interview process. (That was when Marinette realized she was serious about making a change.)
At first it was hard balancing that with school (who knew actually applying yourself meant working harder), but she got the hang of it. Surprisingly it was Alix who helped her the most. Because Chloe struggled the most in history (and Alix literally lived in a museum), Alix offered to be her tutor.
All it had taken was one gay joke from Kim for Chloe to realize that she didn’t like Alix like that. Actually, she didn’t like anyone like that. She liked the attention, but even with Adrien she never felt like that before.
Alix was the one who supported her through this discovery, and when she was ready Alix was the one who sat next to her when she told their friends. They were all gathered in Marinette’s room hanging out when she decided it was time.
She had to go to work soon, but she took a breath and spit it out.
Marinette was thrilled. She immediately tackled Chloe in a hug.
“Chill out Nette, it’s not that big.” She scoffed (but was secretly relieved). “Luka get your girlfriend.”
Once Marinette was settled again she smiled and exclaimed, “Chloe it is a big deal! You trust us enough to share with this with us!”
Rose was beaming. “Yeah Chlo! And of course we’re happy! You’re our friend and we love you!!!” Beside her bubbly girlfriend, Juleka nodded in agreement.
That was the first time Chloe felt unconditional love.
The second time was when Marinette invited her over one evening for “no reason.”
“I’m dyeing my hair.” She announced proudly when Chloe entered her room.
Beside her was Juleka, holding an armful of tools. Kagami was there too, and so was Marc and they were painting each others nails.
She raised an eyebrow. “Nette, I could’ve called a stylist.”
Marinette beamed. “Juleka needs practice, she’s trying to get her certificate, and I volunteered to be a practice model.”
“Same!” Marc added from off to the side.
“Don’t look at me I am leaving with my hair the same color as it was when I arrived. I don’t feel like getting on my mom’s nerves right now, I’m in a good mood.” Kagami blew on her wet nail polish.
“Well…Juleka if you need practice I want some blue in my hair. Or black. Or something.”
From behind her bangs Juleka was beaming.
So that they in between putting foils in each others hair that little group had a lot of fun. By the next morning Marinette was doting pink hair at her tips fading out of her already brilliant blue. Marc’s hair had a rainbow peekaboo (Juleka was very proud of her work). True to her word, Kagami’s hair was the same color, but her nails sported an assortment of glitters, chrome powder, and various reds. As for Chloe, her hair…well it was certainly different. Her natural blonde faded into blue, fading into black. She now sported bangs with some pretty well done added layers.
It was a bit of a surprise when she first woke up and hasn’t processed that she had gone through with it, but once she realized she had it was worth it. Juleka had really done a great job.
She got picked up by her driver, but as she headed to work she couldn’t help but smile to herself. Chloe knew she was a work in progress, but she knew she had found the right people to help her on the way.
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I didn’t expect to actually do the prompts from @bettsfic’s writing workshop, but the Week 1 Show/Tell post really got me thinking about the ways that showing and telling have different purposes in a story and how striking a balance between them is a matter of what story you’re telling and how you want your voice to come through.
The prompt is to first show an object by describing it, then tell the story of the object. I decided to write about a quilt that my grandma made me a few years ago.
In my bedroom, there is a quilt. It is just one out of several quilts in the room. The fabric of this one still has some of the stiffness of a new project, not yet worn into the softness of all good old quilts. It sits, most of the time, folded carefully into a box with other blankets.
It is bigger than a throw blanket, maybe just the right size for a twin mattress. It is certainly smaller than the queen bed in the room. The quilt’s face is made up of squares of the deep blues and purples of a night sky, scattered throughout with occasional hints of green and gold. Stars in cheerfully contrasting yellow have been individually appliqued across the top. They aren’t perfectly symmetrical or orderly. Some of their sides are longer or shorter than the others, and they follow a meandering diagonal across the face, unconcerned with copying each other or falling into line.
The backing is one big stretch of fabric, a pale blue peppered with tiny stars that pop with bright reds, yellows, and purples. In one small corner of this side is a faded, handwritten tab that reads, “Made for █████ █████ by Gran Gran, June 2017.”
——
I don’t use this quilt every night, but I take it with me when I travel somewhere new. Could I sleep on a hotel couch under something other than the stars? I don’t know. I don’t plan to find out.
When a friend stays the night, I sit with them beside my blanket box. I lift the lid off and spread the quilt across our laps. “My grandma made this,” I tell them.
I say, “Gran Gran made quilts for all of her grandchildren when they graduated from high school.” I didn’t like my high school, but I felt proud standing in that stadium in my cap and gown. I found $20 in my fancy formal pants that day, and they still feel lucky. At lunch with all my family afterwards, Gran Gran gave me my quilt, and we stood next to each other holding it up for someone to take our picture.
“She asked what colors or theme I wanted, and I didn’t know,” I continue. What high schooler has time to think about that kind of thing? I just wanted to graduate. But when I saw her again, I asked if she had already started making it. I had an idea, but not if she had already put work into something else. She said she hadn’t. I still don’t know if it was the truth or a quiet kindness, and as I sit on the floor with my friend, I tell them what I asked for. “Could you do a space theme?”
I point, now, to the blue-purple squares that make up most of the quilt face. “She had to buy a lot of these new. She didn’t have ‘space’ fabric laying around.”
Next, I point at the applique stars. “Mom said she had to make her own pattern for these.” I love them. I love that they’re not perfectly symmetrical; neither am I, and neither is Gran Gran. I think they’re perfect.
“I forgot to give her a hug when she gave it to me.” It’s a guilt I can’t quite let go of, but I am older now and so is she. I make sure to give her extra hugs.
But I am not here, now, on the floor with my friend next to my box of gently folded blankets, to talk about regrets. I think, glancingly, of a tag on the back with the wrong name on it, and I fold that thought, careful as any quilt, back to rest. I am not here for old hurts, either. I point at a square of stormy grey-blue fabric. “My brother has a few squares of this one on his quilt.” Another, this time sea blue and green. “This one is on my mom’s.” Another, and then more. “And see the fabric back here?” I say, flipping over a corner, “She’s working on a new quilt right now that has a few pieces of this one.”
And what a marvel it is, to be older now and to see more. It’s an entire constellation, and parts of it are still made of the space fabric my grandma bought just to make me happy.
I look at my friend, hoping that they can see even a little of what I see when I look at the blanket in our laps. I think they do. I say, “Come on, let’s get the bed ready for you,” and tug them up off the floor. Tonight, they can sleep under the stars, too.
#tumblr writing workshop with betts#i tried to focus on just telling in the second section but i ended up blending them to see how it felt#like okay i’m Telling the story of the quilt but i’m also heavily Showing things like valuing my family and the affection for my friend#and the inevitable but blink-and-you-miss-it trans name stuff is a bit of both i think#i think this was a cool exercise!#it’s going to be interesting to keeping thinking about how i want to blend and balance these#sepulchritudinous
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@mania-mono I had to move my reply so I can give this my best shot at an answer without worrying about a word limit. So here I go, and pardon any pre-coffee typos.
I don’t speak for every Billy fan, because I can’t, nor do I speak for every POC because I can’t do that either. Blanket statements, generalities, and opinions grounded in the belief that what you see in front of you - which can only ever be a sample size - is everything, leads to closed mindedness. We are all vulnerable to these things. I think it is human nature to accept what we see and what we are told, in order to make friendly in our groups. So that we feel accepted as well as acceptable and to never think beyond that.
So I understand where opinions like “People only care about Billy because Dacre is attractive [and white]” come from. Within those opinions I can hear the faint echos of social discourse that I as a woman of color have had to bring to the table at one time or another, and I recognize that there is a merit of thought there, that I am 100% sure some fans need to reckon with.
I will never be the person sitting out here trying to disprove that the general fandom is suddenly unproblematic and completely free of the persuasion of whiteness combined with attractiveness and a preference for men.
This black girl will certainly never tell you that she hasn’t run into Billy friendly hot takes and writing that did have whiffs of white washing and erasure that made her uncomfortable and irritated at times. I have no reason to be afraid or to hide from that fact because it’s my lived reality. Every day in every fandom, in every ship. It’s my reality. It sucks. And I am confident and grounded enough in my own thinking to say something when I feel it needs to be said, or to just move on and find something better to read for my own peace of mind.
Yes, some Billy fans are problematic. But that is not my whole experience nor even half of it, and that matters.
Because I will also tell you that in my year or more of engaging in Harringrove fandom I have experienced that type of blindness and bias less than I have in other fandom spaces I have taken part in.That’s why I am here. I do not subject myself to being in places that make me consistently uncomfortable.
My empathy for the character brought me, and I stay because it’s a lovely place to explore my thoughts & feelings and make friends. For the most part I have found this pocket of fandom to be filled with nice people who actually do think through the characters flaws and have conversations about culture and social issues as often as any other fandom space. We bond, we have fun, and occasionally I might get into a debate with someone who I disagree with or disagrees with me about how we perceive the character’s flaws and their cultural impact.
I will tell you that I avoid many other subsections of Stranger Things fandom because my experience was that the balance is not the same in other tags. Because I felt consistently attacked, provoked, and silenced. Not just where it comes to discussions about race, but also disability, fat phobia, and my experiences of trauma and surviving abuse.
The problem I see a lot in fandom is that people are very good at manipulating others. There are whole communities that thrive on the basis of taking popular progressive opinions and using it to bully others for their entertainment or to control their behavior, or both. They rely on the public memory of the valuable work other people have done within culture and use those talking points to invoke fear and shame in their peers for their own selfish reasons. To feel good in the moment. For more reblogs. To feel like they’re part of the winning “team”. To feel like they’re meeting requirements of acceptable behavior. And for many more reasons I’m sure.
Whatever their reason, these folks know when they type out, “people only like Billy because Dacre is attractive”, that most people will instantly remember every discussion they ever sat through on the topic of bias and think ‘I don’t want to be that guy’. Because that’s natural and good and without those natural and good instincts we couldn’t be manipulated into a fear response. But the reality is even just a little bit of critical thinking would make it obvious how biased and unreasonable this take is.
When I hear “People only...” no mater what follows, a little yellow warning light goes off in the back of my mind. Because yes we can joke about certain things and make dumb memes for the fun, but when it comes to making a serious judgment, “People only” is a dangerous place to start. More people need to remember that.
Because I don’t think anyone actually needs to spend a great deal of time talking to Billy fans or researching much of anything at all to debunk this theory. If you replace Billy’s name with any aspect of his character that a person might relate to it falls apart. Because they are there to be related to. And if they are there to be related to, you’d have to be carrying some deep seeded rage and wearing some thick ass blinders to stick to the argument that you truly believe that nothing but white male attractiveness matters to anyone.
“People only care about that teenager because his actor is good looking.”
“People only care about that child, whose mother left, because his actor is good looking.”
“People only care about that blue collar boy because his actor is good looking.”
“People only care about that child of divorce...”
“People only care about that boy who was forced to move towns right in the middle of high school because...”
“People only care about that kid whose dad was abusing him because...”
“People only care about that kid who was dragged into the dark by a monster one night and violated because....”
I think the ridiculousness as well as the danger of this thought process speaks for itself.
I think that if someone finds it easy to believe a blanket statement like “People only care about Billy because Dacre is hot,” and can’t think up a single other reason someone else might relate to the character and talk about it honestly while defending their opinion, that’s their problem and not mine or yours. Either this is someone who doesn’t think much for themselves and is just parroting others, or someone who knows what they are saying probably isn’t actually true, but doesn’t care because the aim is to hurt some and manipulate others.
#Just my opinion#thoughts#on me liking Billy just because he's hot#tw: fandom discource#tw: fandom wank#Billy Hargrove#thanks for asking and I hope this was clear#I am not a morning person lol
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I’ll just get this out of the way: I believe in transandrophobia or whatever people want to call it, I believe in listening to trans mens experiences.
BUT. I cannot stand most of the big people on here who discuss it for reasons similar to the recent post you made about how privileged women still experience violence.
I once saw a thread of trans men all saying that cis white women who fear violence and being kidnapped murdered, shouldn’t fear that, and that any cis white woman who is scared of misogynistic violence has just been brainwashed by mainstream true crime and crime shows, and a couple people said “lol they don’t want you why are you scared”.
I am a white cis girl (I’m also a trans guy but that’s not super relevant rn lol). I fully know my privilege and frequently have discussions along the subject of white privilege with friends of color. I don’t shy away from the topic.
but I have almost been kidnapped twice in the short 18 years I’ve been on this planet. One of my earliest memories is that experience in a shopping mall. Every cis girl I know, white or not, has had real life experience at least once with this kind of thing.
and when I saw that thread, it made me feel ill. To me it feels like so many other trans guys on here decided that the “being a man doesn’t make you bad” doesn’t apply to any other privileged group because they didn’t want to be seen as deniers of other forms of privilege. I also saw an entire thread where a shit ton of trans guys were literally saying that, because white cis women are the physical ��vessels of the white race”, then apparently we are not at risk of domestic violence because cis white men need us to keep their dream of a white supremacist world alive. and many people responded with righteous outrage just to be dismissed as “well they are just trying to defend white women”.
the fucking rampant misogyny in these spaces is so fucking hard to deal with, and they complain all day about how people ignore issues men have, then turn around and act like one form of privilege means your other experiences of oppression don’t matter.
so long story short thank you for those posts I’ve been so ducking exhausted lately trying to find a balance between discussing transandrophobia with other transmascs, and protecting my mental health from all the misogyny in those spaces. it’s so fucking tiring.
U get it. U get it. And yeah this sickening attitude towards women is rampant in spaces that support the idea of transandrophobia (and honestly I think this most recent wave of "progressive" misogyny is squarely on trans men who believe in transadrophobia, and insay that as one of them) I wasn't sure if I was gonna call out that group specifically myself but since u bring it up!
Also I think we saw the same post cus that sounds like one of a few that set me off lol
Like im not even shocked at ur experiences there. I have experienced and seen some SHIT while playing the role of a white cis woman. And it was all normal. The women who raised me to always be on guard did that for a reason. The distrust of men among white women isnt from brainwashing, its from knowing half your friends were molested by their male relatives and seeing their mothers get beat every evening.
But also that other example you discuss... now I've not seen it in these spaces specifically but I have seen *some* people dismissing violence against white women due to something something white supremacy and just. Its truly sickening. Its evil. (And shows a fundamental misunderstanding of white supremacy, female subjugation is an intrinsic part of it).
And yeah like you say. Any time someone brings attention to any of this shit its "how dare you defend WHITE women". As if they arent still women.
And especially when the social space i occupy still overlaps with the experiences considered that of white women, when I'm facing these justified fears of violence (again) in my day to day life.... yeah. Its fucking exhausting. When the spaces that claim to support my experiences as a man dismiss my experiences and fears because those are the experiences and fears of icky white women. (When they arent even mutually exclusive categories, and even people like me and the most cis of cis women have more in common than difference)
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I was tagged in this super cool Get to Know My OC game by @gummybugg !! Thank you a lot! Their answer is here
I choose my sweetest baby, Guan Zhuyu.
A dark figure walked past one of the pavilions in the household of the Minister Herald. Their chin was high and their posture relaxed. Good for me. I jumped at them from behind and pushed them to one of the empty rooms, which were used only during the day. Guan Zhuyu glanced around in panic but couldn't find any easy escape route. I flexed my muscles. They didn't really notice.
"Easy. I will ask a couple of questions, you will answer - that's all," I explained, trying to imitate Jigsaw. They nodded, clearly unimpressed by my amazing acting skills yet still worried. I decided to drop the act, "it's just a writeblr game. No gore."
1. Are you named after anyone?
Surely not. My courtesy name means beautiful writing (珠玉) and my given name is harmony (和) so... it is more possible that I was named after something. But I can't tell.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Like... ten minutes ago?
3. Do you have kids?
No. Absolutely not. And I will never have them, don't even scare me. Guan Zhuyu dramatically fanned themselves.
4. Do you use sarcasm?
Hmm... sometimes, for artistic purposes. However, I do not enjoy it.
5. What's the first thing you notice about people?
Their posture. Are they tightly upright? Is their head tilted? Second thing has to be hair, that's generally how I recognize people. Please, stop changing your hairstyles.
6. What's your eye color?
Dark like an eye of a raven.
7. Scary movies or happy endings?
Oh, happy endings, definitely. If we can't have any of them in the real life, why don't let ourselves dream a little?
8. Any special talents?
Pouring tea. No one can do this more gracefully than me~
9. Where were you born?
In the capital city, on the outskirts. Growing up, my greatest longing was for the grand mountains of our kingdom, which I could so clearly see from our windows. Then I learnt that the side effect of climbing is sweat.
10. What are your hobbies?
Oh, I'm glad you asked. Writing poetry is my main passion, and I was very lucky to find a couple of friends who listen to them. Besides, I like to try new things whenever I have on occasion, meaning I have a new hobby every week.
11. Have you any pets?
No.
12. What sports do you play/have played?
I am not a very athletic person. Running around the ministry usually fulfils my need for exercise, but I do enjoy some archery or qigong every now and then.
13. How tall are you?
Tall enough to see the top of head of the most of the men, just barely.
14. Favorite subject in school?
Calligraphy was a perfect balance between painting and writing.
15. Dream job?
No job. I am a parasite. What I like to do I do for no money and what I don't like to do... I have to do.
Zhuyu's gaze was eager and I begun to feel embarrassed. For a minute or two I was fidgeting with my fingers, then I finally admitted, "that's all."
"What a shame," they whispered and silently exited the room.
Gently tagging: @sam-glade @rains-inky-mind @lane-thepencilthing @uraniumwriting @unhinged-corvid
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Unknown Secrets [4] - repost
Summary: The reader is confronted by the Winchesters, angels, and British Men of Letters. They are still suspicious of y/n but they let them go home to rest. Y/n instead seeks answers at an old friend’s home and tries to work out what to do next.
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, reader, Gabriel, Castiel, Mick, Ketch, Rowena, and Crowley
Pairing: everyone platonic
Genre: Angst, bit of fluff
Word Count: 3,742
Warnings: n/a, reader has a small anxiety attack but nothing crazy :)
A/N: Hello y'all! Thank you so much for this support and patience. I’ve been at college for a while and my dad also passed away so this chapter is out wayyyy later than I anticipated, but here it is! Hope you enjoy <3
The click of the Impala’s doors jars me from my racing thoughts, Cas glances my way and quickly opens his door, getting out of the car. I’m still feeling the effects of passing out, so hopefully, Cas doesn’t just leave me here in case I faint again. Luckily, he walks around the car to my side, carefully opens my door, and helps me out.
“Do you need any help walking, y/n?” Cas asks while watching me hold onto Baby for support.
“I think I just need a second to get my balance back.” Part of me wants to just accept his help and walk back in to get whatever is going to happen over with, but I need a moment to prepare myself since Gabriel clearly didn’t want me to hear what he had to say.
“Let’s get this over with I guess.” I start walking towards the hotel room, still a bit shaky but Cas is right by my side in case I faint again, or if I tried to run I guess.
“Why do you say that?” Cas asks, focusing his eyes forward.
I scoff, “It’s pretty obvious, Cas,” I say looking at him, “your brother clearly has some kind of issue with me and didn’t want me around to hear what he has to say about me.” Cas slowly nods his head and keeps facing forward.
We reach the front door which Cas opens, stepping to the side and letting me walk in first. It’s very obvious that whatever Gabriel had said made everyone uncomfortable, even Mick and Ketch were looking at me like I was a killer or something. Since Gabe has since occupied my spot on the bed, I instead opted for the chair next to the door.
The atmosphere is so tense, I feel like I can hardly breathe. “So, what the hell, Gabriel?” I say, with zero response. Cas shuts the door and locks it, standing right behind my chair, as though I could actually go anywhere right now.
“We need to ask you some questions, y/n.” Ketch offers, making brief eye contact with me then looking back at the floor.
“Alright, well what kind of questions other than are you secretly hiding Asmodeus’ kid - which I am not by the way,” I say, looking up at Cas, still pissed at both him and his dramatic brother.
“We need to know everything that you remember, every last detail no matter how dumb or insignificant,“ Dean says.
"But I already-”
“And don’t say "I already told you everything, please believe me!” Because that’s clearly not true, alright?“ Gabriel interjects, standing swiftly from the bed, every word dripping with anger. I look into his eyes, hurt vivid in the whiskey color, stabbing at my heart till my eyes begin to water.
I look down at the floor, knowing everyone’s eyes will hold the same hurt and distrust. "I swear, on my life, that I have told you everything,” I say, voice shaking and on the verge of crying or passing out again. I wish I hadn’t bothered on this hunt in the first place. “And if you still don’t want to believe me, then fine don’t,” I say looking back up to Gabriel. Nothing changes in his eyes, Sam sighs and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.
“Y/n?” Ketch asks. I glance at him but I can’t read him at all, I look back to the floor and lean into the side of my chair. “You’re sure that is everything you remember?” I nod and keep looking at the floor.
I can’t stand the anxiety creeping up, the image of Gabriel’s hate-filled eyes filling my vision. I can’t exactly blame him though, if I was sure that someone in front of me was the child of a monster that tortured me for months, I’d want them dead too. “Oh god, does everyone here want me dead then? I mean, I understand Sam and Dean not immediately believing me, but Ketch and Mick surely don’t”. I vaguely hear some footsteps walking towards me.
I realize it’s Mick as he crouches down and gently takes my hands in his. “It’s alright, ” he says, “look at me when I say this, okay?” I take a shaky breath and look at Mick, seeing years of trust and friendship in his face.
“The reason why we keep asking you is because when you were unconscious, whatever you were seeing or dreaming about, it had to do with Asmodeus…” I feel my chest tighten, I had thought it was just some twisted nightmare or my brain reacting oddly with the information I heard before I passed out. I don’t even know how to respond.
“Anything you wanna say that would clear this up?” Dean asks. Though it sounds more like a command than a question really, not that it matters anymore, at this point I’m at these people’s mercy.
“I’m one hundred percent sure, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I don’t even bother meeting anyone’s eyes out of both guilt and exhaustion, I should just go home at this point. “There isn’t a way for me to prove it, but I seriously am lost on what you guys are talking about at this point. So unless you want to tell me what happened, I’m feeling pretty shitty so it’d be great if I could just go home and rest, that okay with you?” It’s silent for a moment, and I look up to see Sam and Dean locked in a stare.
Sam slowly nods and so do Dean and Castiel. I shakily stand, and Ketch offers to help me to my car. I roll my eyes, “Gotta still keep an eye on me huh?”
“You did faint, twice so yeah I’ll stick with watching out for you.” I nod and give a weak goodbye to everyone and grab my jacket, keys safely inside and walk out the door, Ketch following close behind.
“You know I believe you right, y/n?” Ketch says, offering his arm for me to hold onto. I truly don’t deserve him or Mick, especially risking their reputations for helping me out. I hope that whatever I saw has a logical explanation for once. I hold onto his arm, his other hand coming up to gently hold mine, a reassuring gesture that calms my nerves.
“I’m glad you do, it means the world to me,” He hums in thought, “Just wish everyone else would I guess.” The rest of the walk to my truck is quiet, an odd occurrence with Ketch but welcome nonetheless.
“Thank you, Ketch, for believing me and everything,” I say as I climb into the driver’s seat. He only smiles and tells me to be safe but my mind is already somewhere else, as I watch him walk back towards the motel room, I think of options on how to handle this situation. I just lied to four strong hunters, an angel, and an archangel.
And if I came clean now I think it would only make things worse, maybe an old friend can help this whole thing get better and not worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The light ring of her doorbell draws me out of my thoughts, I certainly hope she’s home, the only other person I could go hideout with is - “No, I’m not hiding,” I need information before jumping to dangerous conclusions “I’m searching for other possibilities.” The only other people I could ask about this are Mick and Ketch, and I doubt that would go over well.
The front door clicks open, and Rowena immediately envelopes me in a hug. “I haven’t seen you in far too long, y/n! How have you been?” I smile and hug her tightly, thank god she’s home.
“I’ve been good! You’re right it has been too long. Um, could I come in for a second?” Her smile falters for barely a moment, confusion clear on her features.
“Of course, dear. Are you alright?” I swiftly walk inside her apartment and turn to face her.
“Can you promise me that whatever happens, you won’t tell Sam or Dean anything?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it, did they do something I should know about?” Rowena asks, raising her chin with an air of confidence and protectiveness.
I merely hold my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my stomach, and pause a moment, wondering how to break the news. “Do you remember doing a spell for the Winchesters a while ago? One that had to do with Asmodeus?”
“Yes I do, took me a few tries to get it just right but it got them a location for the demon. I heard you were helping them in this case, is that why you’re here?”
“Well yes and no. I was helping them on this case, but they didn’t ask me to come visit you,” I turn around and walk further into her home, taking a seat on one of her armchairs. “I had a weird vision and I don’t know what it means but long story short, the Winchesters, Castiel, Gabriel, and possibly Mick all think I’m the nephidemon they’re after.”
I look up at Rowena, hoping for her to keep this secret. We’ve helped each other out of rough spots before, I’m sure she can do it again.
“Okay, tell me about this vision of yours.” She states without judgment, taking the seat across from me.
I told her everything I can remember, and everything that happened after in the hotel. At some point in my retelling, she gets up and makes a quick drink for us both. Smells strongly of cinnamon but tastes more like a kind of tea.
Rowena takes her seat across from me again and cautiously says, “I don’t mean to add anything negative to an already distressing situation, but that vision sounds a lot more like an old memory resurfacing.” I nod, I already had a feeling that was the answer but hearing from her makes it so much more real. “I’m assuming you didn’t tell any of the boys about this memory,” I nod again, “And you’re needing a place to lay low for a bit?” A knowing smile gracing her face.
“That would be the best thing right now, Rowena. Thank you.” She smiles and waves her hand in a shooing motion.
“It’s no problem at all, I do love your company.” I laugh and fully relax for the first time since I left the motel today.
“Is it possible for you to do the spell again, but with the map only showing this city to see if I’m the thing Sam and Dean are hunting? Otherwise, it’s probably back in my town and I’d rather be sure.”
Rowena sighs and glances away for a moment, “That spell used a lot of rare ingredients so it would take a little finessing, of course, you’re welcome to stay here while you figure everything out.”
“Thank you so much, Ro, I owe you one.”
“Make it two,” she says, a playful smile evident.
“Deal. I just hope they don’t try to find out where I am right now. I told them I would be staying home until I felt alright to help them with the hunt.”
“I know Samuel knows where I live, but don’t tell them where you are for now, who knows what they’ll do if they think you’re Asmodeus’ child.”
“Yeah, especially Gabriel.”
She hums in agreement, deep in thought again. She looks back over to me and asks, “I’ll probably need some help, finding the ingredients needed for the spell and all that, would you be alright if I gave my son a ring and let him know what’s going on?”
“I’ve only ever heard of him but yes. If you could tell him to not tell anyone else then I’m totally fine with him being in the know for this situation.” Although I don’t personally know her son, Rowena is loyal to a fault and I can only assume he was raised with that quality.
She stands up and claps her hands together, “Excellent, I’ll go call him up right now and we can get this plan in motion.” I watch as Rowena leaves the room and faintly hear her talking on the phone with I assume to be her son. I allow myself to get lost in my thoughts, I haven’t truly had a moment to myself where I could focus on processing everything the boys back at the motel said. Time seems to pass by extremely slow, hours have probably passed but there’s no real way to tell. I’m practically sleeping while sitting up with all the exhaustion catching up to me.
There was a slight noise behind me. I spin around to see someone standing by the door, a man with a beard and long black overcoat.
“Rowena!” I call out, grabbing my knife from my belt as I jump to my feet. The witch came back into the room, hanging up her phone, the strange man doing the same.
“Y/n, there is no need for that knife,” I look from her to the man across from me, slightly lowering the knife but keeping it out in the open, “allow me to introduce you to my son, y/n this is Fergus, Fergus this is y/n.”
The man pockets his cellphone, I hadn’t even realized he was holding one at the time. He then walks over and sticks out his hand, “Crowley, actually,” I shake his hand and place my knife back in its spot on my belt, “I have heard many things about you, and I have what you and my mother need to test your theory.” He gestures to Rowena, then a table in the next room covered in ingredients, sitting next to a small map of the immediate area. I have no clue how he could have possibly gotten all those ingredients this soon, but I’m certainly grateful he and Rowena are willing to help me.
“Wait, how on earth did you get all of these things so fast?” I ask.
Crowley laughs and replies cheekily, “I have my connections and a number of them owe me a favor or three, figured now is a good time to call them in.” I nod, looking between him and the table containing my fate. “Plus, it has also has been hours since you came here so I did have some time.”
“It’s been hours?? No, that’s not possible. I know I completely lost track of time but I’ve been sitting here for hours? I hope Ketch hasn’t tried to call me or anything, not like I have any answers for him yet.”
“Alright, let’s do this then,” I say, walking to the table and sitting down in front of it. Rowena and Crowley follow suit standing on either side of me. They begin saying the spell, adding different items as every word is spoken. Rowena beginning, and Crowley continuing where she leaves off. The tension builds as every second passes, I almost start shaking with anxiety but I take a few breathes to try and calm myself down.
A flame erupted and covered the map, making me jump in surprise. At first, it seemed as though the fire would destroy the whole map, but then as suddenly as it began, it went out. Leaving behind Rowena’s apartment building and the surrounding area. My only reaction is to sit deeper in my chair and pray to wake up from this nightmare.
A grounding hand falls gently onto my right shoulder, I know it’s Rowena but I have no idea what expression is on her face. Crowley cleans up the mess of the charred map and carefully disposes of the used up ingredients.
“Crowley,” I say, still looking at the table where my fate was revealed. I hear him come back to my left side and hum in recognition, “is there any way you can convince the Winchesters that I have a reason for not returning to this case? I feel like they are already suspicious of me and this sudden disappearance certainly doesn’t help my case.”
The demon remained silent for a moment. I look up and realize he is focusing on Rowena intently. I hope he isn’t asking her to stick her neck out for me more than she has already. I know both of their reputations with the Brits and angels are shaky at best. And it won’t take very much for the Winchesters to go back to hunting them like another monster.
“Well, the best thing I could do is have you call them and say you have a sickness of some kind, and you have to figure out what’s going on before you can continue the hunt in person.” He glances between me and his mother, and I feel her move. I turn to see her nodding her head, unsure if it’s for permission or as encouragement.
“How would they know you were in contact with me without looking like you were hiding something?” I question. I really do appreciate Crowley risking his life for me, but I can’t just expect it right off the bat.
He smiles mischievously, “I have my ways darling,” I nod with a small smile, “however,” Crowley continues, “then you have a tough choice to make.”
“And what could that possibly be, other than needing to seriously consider making me disappear to avoid whatever the other hunters of the world would want to do to me as some kind of disastrous hybrid?” I can tell that my little outburst concerned Crowley and Rowena, both stiffening and standing taller. I just hope it doesn’t deter them from keeping this a secret.
Crowley clears his throat and waves his hand in front of my face saying, “First of all, in case you haven’t heard, Lucifer had a child. Jack is his name, and even though his father is and always will be a monster that should be destroyed, Jack is one of the kindest so-called monsters to exist.” He grabs a free chair and drags it over to sit eye to eye with me. His eyes are earnest and his face caring, “You can hate yourself later, but right now there is no time for that. You’ve already given the Winchesters far too much time alone with too little information on why you’re not there. So, the tough decision is to choose between saying you’re doing so bad that you can’t afford to even take a phone call from them,” I look at him in disbelief. I mean, does he really think these people will believe that amount of bullshit?
“There’s no way they would ever buy that. They may be trusting but they aren’t stupid.”
“You’re completely right, dear,” Rowena chimes in, “the other option which they will be more likely to believe, is that you can still help with research, tracking possible demon signs, and call them if you have any ideas. But it’s best to go to someone you trust to see what made you faint and feel ill.”
“I wonder who those people would be,” Crowley chuckles at my comment. I know it’s going to be hard to lie, and even harder to tell a convincing lie, but there is no other way to protect people. I can’t stand the thought that all my life, I was protecting my town from horrific creatures when I should have just left and gone underground from the very beginning.
“Y/n, I know how you became a Hunter, and I know it breaks you inside thinking that you weren’t fully human these years. But don’t lose sight of all the good you’ve done, the lives you’ve saved and changed.”
“You a mind-reader or something, Ro?” I question the witch. She merely laughs and winks as she walks over to my go bag sitting on her beautiful couch.
“Now all that’s left to do is give those boys a ring.” She hands me my phone and I scroll through my contact list, landing on Ketch’s number. This has to happen at some point, if I keep them all in the dark it will only make this situation worse.
My screen then lights up with his contact picture, I guess he decided to give me a call instead. I answer it worried about what he might say. Rowena and Crowley quietly left and whisper in the room next to me as I pick up the phone.
“Hello, y/n. How are you feeling?” I sigh with relief, he still sounds like a friend, not a suspicious ally.
“Hi, Ketch. I’m glad you called,” my voice shakes a bit with nerves, I’ve never lied to him or Mick and now the Winchesters and two angels are on their side. “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not doing as good as I was hoping today.”
He lets out a long sigh, “I was worried you might say that. Is it just leftover effects from the fainting episode?”
“To be honest, I think the faint was more of a warning. I don’t think I’ll be there for a while.” I’ve never been good with silence over the phone, but with this big a lie to the person I trust the most, the situation is already weighing on me.
“Well,” he finally answers, “you do know we happen to have two very capable angels here that would be more than happy to figure out what’s going on with you.”
“Yeah, that’s kinda the main problem.” I think sadly, “Yeah, I know, I happen to have two very capable experts that I’m going to go see about this weird sickness.”
“If you trust them, then that’s all that matters. Just keep me updated okay?”
It hurts hearing the care and patience coming from Ketch, I’ll have to make sure that no one ever realizes anything is off with me. “Will do Arthur, and hey, I’m sure I’ll be fine to do some research or demon sign tracking. Don’t count me out just yet.”
He laughs, sounding more confident, “Good with us, give me a call whenever you meet with these specialists, so I know you’re in good hands.” I promise to call him and quickly hang up. I don’t know what I did to earn such an amazing friend, but now I almost wish I never met him.
#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#mick davies#arthur ketch#rowena#crowley#gabriel#castiel#spn x reader#reader insert
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woah thats a lot of time :O but thats a cool theory !! im not good at math but if you were to put it into ratios im sure itll make more sense
ooo jelly cubes sound good :O what kinds of foods do you eat here ?? pineapple sized grapes oh god those are big JFDLJLFK but ooo sounds good !! yeah thats fine if you cant remember !! ugh i wish it was like that on earth id love to go explore uncharted areas here :O i know the ocean is one of the most unexplored places but its not that easy to access sadly T__T /lh
take the /j and make it /gen [/hj]
ooo alright got it ahh i have so much information to document this is gonna be fun imma make a rentry >:]
dang fates sounds so cool we love fate here !! i could never be that responsible DFJKLSJF /lh
all i know about it minecraft ive never heard about terraria stardew valley or breathe of the wild but they sound fun !! what are they about ??
ohh so the chaotic energy is based on how you feel ?? like if you feel low on chaos would the chaos influx be low too ?? or would the chaos energy in general be low ?? ahh alright got it and ooo good theory !! id hope hasnt taken up that job sounds like she already has a lot to work with /lh
yay !! :D
ooo thats soo cool !! i love the balance of magic users :D yesss im glad were both thinking the same thing >B]
ooo ill check out all of these games in my free time !! when im feeling more ghosty all i wanna do is stare at the ceiling on float around and turn invisible and become a spectator but experiencing things again in a new light is so much fun !! im already like that since im not cultured yet but yes soft things should be prioritized /hj
woah im really glad heaven and hell isnt like what its percieved in this world it sounds so much fun being able to see different sceneries !! ooo what did the marble buildings look like :O yes lets goo i love the amount of free travel there is and good to know guardians could do that !!
gonna ask the bodys parents whens the next time were going to a hotel so i can experience for myself B]
ohh alright got it !! do you remember what their wings looked like ?? and yeah djklfjsd stairs are just so popular here considering transportation isnt as easy but so hell is mountainous and foresty and heaven is more city like right ??
ohh that makes sense !! yeah i can see how different attractions could look the same thats actually an interesting way to look at things mostly with others theres a lot of emotion that comes with those actions so thats where the difference comes from !! but hey im glad you seem okay with how you feel and interpret it !! :D
- ramble anon
ok ratios: hell/heaven to my dimensions earth would be 1 month:1 week, my guess for this dimension's earth and hell is [some amount of years]:1 hour, or 1 hour:[some amount of years] (i am not good at ratios so i hope this helps somewhat)
in this dimension i eat fruit a lot, or salty snacks. I'm also a big soup fan. uncharted areas are sooo cool, i'd loved to explore the ocean if i wasn't scared of it /gen
yeah fate is very good at her job, and is very cool :D
terraria is sometimes described as '2D minecraft' but is has a lot more feature, items, enemies, etc. stardew valley is a 2D farming game with the ability to friend/date/marry npcs, like a farming simulator, mini dating sim, creativity elements, and resource gathering. breath of the wild is a 3D open world game where you can do lots of side quest, exploration, cooking and etc.
chaos being low causes me to feel low, not the other way around /nm and i meant sometimes i want to feel the extra chaos so i'd get closer to the source to feel it :]
the marbles buildings are similar to ancient greek architecture from this world! heaven's usually with smoother textures, and were very tall.
heaven beings usually had feathery wings, but they could come in any color, and were more like bird wings than angel wings. hell beings had more bat-like or dragon-like wings, scales or leathery. and yeah hell is mountainous and forest while heaven is a big city :]
I've spent a decent amount of time figuring out how i feel about romantic and platonic things, so I've been able to accept it really well :D
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Hi! Advance happy birthday 🎂! It doesn't feel like an one year old blog. It feels like your blog has been on this platform for many years(atleast that's how I feel). I would like to participate in your game please...
My questions:
🐣What does my energy feel like?
🐣Where do you see me a year from now?
🐣Which aesthetic do you think suits me the best?
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🐣My tarot card choice for you: The Hermit( from raiderwaite deck)
I hope we get to celebrate many more amazing birthdays together! Have a blast! Have a nice day 💛💛
Thank you so much! I also don’t feel like it’s been one year since I started this blog, it feels like ages but at the same time it went by very quickly. Thank you for your gift, I cherish it a lot.
Now on to your questions:
What does your energy feel like? Like a yellow blanket. I got the six of cups, four of cups, and ace of cups, and my mind translated it to a yellow blanket. It’s a cozy and comfortable feeling, that small happiness you feel when a friend offers their snack to you, when they cut their small chocolate bar in half to share it with you, a warm breeze in the afternoon, reminiscing on good memories but at the same time planing new ones, offering advice, saying good things about other people. I’m sure your energy varies according to the circumstances, but this is what I am getting right now, it is very good to be around it.
Which aesthetic suits you best? I’m not versed on different aesthetics so I will try to describe something here. I feel light colors are important to contrast with sharp edges, I got nine of swords, ace of cups, ten of swords and what came to mind was an egg hard to crack, a hello kitty black boot with spikes, keeping the soft side inside. So I would say that you probably don’t fit any extreme aesthetic, not 100% light and fairy and cottage core, but also not goth and dark, so I would find something balanced, adding earth tones to either darken the light or soften the darkness. With this I feel “urban core”, but urban can be so many things… Overall, I felt that very warm, energy from you, but I don’t thing you’d go 100% into that aesthetic of things being super light and cute, you’d balance it out somehow.
Where do I see you one year from now? In august 2023 you’ll have gone through a complete emotional transformation. I have got a lot of cups in your reading, for this one I got the five of cups, seven of cups, three of cups, but I specifically feel like you will change your perspective about your friends. In one year from now you may be around a new group of friends, people who celebrate you, people who fit more into the ideal type of people you want around. It reminds me of some realizations or disappointments we can have with old friends who have changed or who don’t accept that we ourselves have changed, and you cry a little because of it but then you realize these disappointments made you wiser. Perhaps, if you’re feeling alone now it simply means you’ll find an entire new set of friends. The thing here is that in 2023 you can have new friends that you can’t foresee right now, and this will be part of a journey of how you view your own emotions and feelings. The three of cups brings a very joyous feeling, so in one year you for sure will be enjoying that.
Game will be open for extra 24h
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Hello! Can I ask for a MHA matchup, please? I’m 18, she/her, and I’m pansexual!
I’m 5’4’’, I have short, brown, slightly wavy and VERY volumous hair. My eyes are brown and small. My skin is white and I’m latina! I have three aligned moles on my face and a scar on my lip! Where I live is very hot so I prefer fresh and simple clothes with bright colors. I’m always on flip flops!
I’m an ESFP! I’m a very smiling, optimistic and temperamental person. I'm very energetic, playful, funny, goofy and charismatic. I'm a little irritable, selfish and stubborn sometimes. I’m boyish and a little clumsy, so I accidentally hurt myself a lot. It's easy to make me very excited, but my mood changes very, very quickly. I'm very impatient and anxious and I've been biting my nails since I was a kid. Sometimes I can be very very stupid and reckless. I’m stubborn and determined, I don’t believe in destiny, when something goes wrong for me, I gotta search for a solution! But I'm very bad at hearing advices, I just do the same thing I wanted to in the start.
I’m that type of person that’s obssesed with their favorite color, mine being red. Kokkino means red, I simply LOVE that color and all of the other warm colors too. I love drawing, that’s my main hobbie and I want to work with it! Obviously I love animes and cartoons too. I also love meeting new places, so I always want to travel! I would LOVE to be a traveler and know all the places in the world and beyond, but….. freedom takes green. I love summer, the sun and the hot weather! I also love musicals, so sometimes people can hear me singing a little, but I’m not very good. My favorite band is Panic! At the Disco. I also love fast food! I prefer salty over sweet. I’m an early bird! I love mornings.. I love snapdragon flowers, they're my favorites!
I don’t like school… I’m not a very good student and the best part of school is seeing my friends, for sure. I don’t like reading and I get distracted very easily. I’m always drawing on my notebooks instead of taking notes. I also don’t like the cold very much. And I AM VERY VERY BAD AT MATH CHEMESTRY AND ALL OF THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS
I think that’s all, hope this is not too much! Thank you in advance!
charlotte’s interlude 💗- hey, hi and hello!! you seem so nice!! it’s not too much at all, ofc!! i tried to include as much of what you mentioned as possible! i wrote this thinking about marine biology college major! kiri 🥺 thank you so much for the ask love!! i hope you enjoy, have an incredible day!! 🎶✨
warning; kissing mention, anxiety mention, self deprecation, food mention
i match you with…
Kirishima Ejirou!!
10000x this hes so gooey for you i swear^
this boy is a puddle in your hands
YOU PROB SAW THIS MATCH COMING A WHILE AWAY BUT YALL R SO PERFECT 😭💗
you’re literally so gorgeous he is STUNNED
IF UR OK WITH IT HE’LL KISS UR MOLES 3 IN A ROW LIKE SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH TIS V CUTE
he absolutely loves your energetic side!! you both give the same energy back and forth it’s just so positive
that being said, he also loves and appreciates all parts of your personality, including your stubborn side!! you balance each other out as well, it’s incredible!
will use his quirk all the time to keep you from getting hurt 💀
he’s always there to reassure you if you feel particularly anxious, he knows how you feel about advice so he always knows exactly what to say to cheer you up and set you on the right path!!
you’re both very goal oriented so you work as a team and it’s such a power couple moment AGH
obvs y’all bond over red we love the matching aesthetics
the way hed pay for any trip youd wanna go on once he’s a pro hero, you mention it once offhand and suddenly you have 2 plane tickets to paris in hand
supports your art and music, will take NO SELF DEPRECATION IN THIS HOUSEHOLD >:((
y’all work together to study because school is just ICKY but at least you’re together!!
all in all, he loves you so much omg
“I brought you some snapdragons!! You said they were your favorites once, I hope I got them right love!!”
he did 💗
#bnha x reader#bnha fanfiction#boku no hero academia#mha fanfic#bnha x self insert#bnha hcs#mha x reader#bnha headcanons#bnha fanfic#bnha matchup#bnha matchups#mha matchup#mha matchups#kirishima ejirou#bnha kirishima
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