So uh... How do you feel about Nikol's existence?

I technically shouldn't know who that is yet but... I do. And. Well. You can probably guess by how you worded this ask hahaha.

Not surprised at all, if you like them as a couple then good for you and hope you're enjoying the DLC, you don't need me on your side because they're canon so that can satisfy you content-wise plus my opinions are silly and don't matter, etc etc, all I've said before applies here.

Honestly, if anything, the only unique thing I have to add here* is how his design really demonstrates how much Shulk and Fiora look like siblings lmao. There's even a (really cool!) fan mod to alter Fiora's hair and skin color to look more like her (actual) brother, so I'm not alone in seeing this haha.

So, Nikol. He sure does exist. Dude looks just like Shulk because his dad and mom both look like Shulk so what else could he look like. That's about all the thoughts I have haha (at least until I actually play more of 3 and see what he's like).

Non-ask-related ramblings under the cut because it's me, of course I rambled haha.

As I really don't like to nor want to rain on anyone's parade, as well as enjoy talking about the ship I like (because of course), I've made an effort to mentally retrack my train of thought (? idk how else to describe it lol) whenever my NOTP comes up by converting it into an opportunity to talk about my OTP instead of complaining. (See also my comment on What If We Kissed In The Weapons Development Lab where I mentioned going back into my fic and adding more details of Shulk being enamored by Melia whenever I came across Shiora while writing it lol.)

So, Shulkelia kids! I'm personally not one for creating OCs, in general or for media I like. Not that I dislike them or even the thought/process of making them! It just doesn't come to me as easily or interest me as much as digging into canon details and playing around with them. But I did come up with a couple rough concepts for what they might look like and how their parents might decide on their names... if they even would want to have kids in the first place, that is, I'm still unsure about that haha. But fanfiction can be whatever you want it to be and that's the fun of it, so maybe sometime I'll try developing those small ideas into something more (especially if it's something people are interested in reading)! If anything I'm most attached to my little blurbs I wrote about how they and their kids would interact with Reyn and Sharla and their kids, lots of cute potential there :)

(*Well, I can add something more, and I originally was going to do it! Not to contradict my whole don't-like-raining-on-anyone's-parade point, but again I want to stress, my intention with this is I just really enjoy analyzing details and understanding why I react to things in the way that I do. But I did mention to a previous ask that I have in-game writing reasons for why I dislike Shiora, it's not just personal experience from my life outside of the fandom or in observing it. In fact on my first playthrough of the game I was all for it and even saved a bunch of fanart of the two together on my phone, I see it when scrolling through my gallery all the time! It really fascinates me how drastically my perspective shifted after just one small moment at the very end of the game, and then on replaying it everything fell apart like a house of cards to me, wild stuff I can't compare the experience to anything else haha. Anyway if anyone's interested in seeing my take on that aspect of their writing, once again, feel free to send me an ask about it!)

Mia, episode five

1.  One thing Druck is super good at is these aesthetic shots.  This whole opening bit reminds me of the scene with Amira when she’s praying in her room.  Lots of beautiful shots of the room, curtains and stuff, which are just super pretty with a few hints of colour.  I dunno, this is just an aesthetic I like and I appreciate that Druck caters to me.  Mia is so cute, too!  Like both the way she looks and also how kind she is.  She still doesn’t really like Alex a lot (though you could see in that montage from the previous night that she’s warming up to him) but she still feels like she should leave things looking nice.  These little post-it notes are sort of cute too, and you can see that she thinks they’re sweet.  I don’t like this Bjorn though.

2.  Interesting that we get a clip specifically one week later.  I have no idea how that must have felt while this was live, and I’m really glad that I didn’t have to live through these long gaps in any of the things I did watch in real time.  This one was reasonably low key though, so maybe the wait wasn’t as agonising.  If you didn’t know who Bjorn is (I’m assuming the Niko character) then nothing in the last couple of clips would have felt all that alarming.  But Mia’s so flirty here - that one conversation at his house must have really charmed her.  Pity we didn’t really get to hear a lot of it because he still hasn’t charmed me!!  And actually that ‘show a montage of how things are going while a song and/or other conversation plays overtop’ is a huge thing Druck does, I think.  I feel like in some cases (Matteo and David after their first pool kiss moment, for example, or Hanna and Jonas breaking up) work quite well.  But here, I think we needed to hear more of Alex to actually believe that Mia would be this flirty with him.  For me, this is too big a turnaround from her very cold manner with him at the piano and an actual proper look at that conversation might have helped.  But also, I am super biased because William and so maybe a more reasonable person might like it okay.  This bit with Linn is weird.  Genuinely creepy, and I’m not sure why they’re setting her up to feel like this.  Maybe some sort of hint of the creepiness to come with Bjorn (I’m assuming it’s coming, anyway).

3.  I don’t get this bit with all the pictures at the school.  I assume it will become obvious later but I’m not sure what exactly they were trying to do with this.  You’d think they run the risk of having the whole Abi chaker clan thing shut down - if this happened in my school there’d be so much trouble.  A groups of kids once put post-its all over one teacher’s room and they got in SO much trouble for it, and that wasn’t obscene like this is.  This thing here seems so targeted at the Abi thing, using their plan specifically, that it feels like someone outside the group wants them not to be allowed to run their theme.  Or someone in the group who wants a different motto maybe.  I don’t know, but it feels very mean and very specifically directed at this group of people.

4.  Hmmm, I’m with Leonie on this one.  I’d be giving Carlos the super evil stare too.  It may be ‘funny’ to some of these people, but given that there are younger kids at this school (I assume, right?  They still have classes running for the smaller ones at the end of Matteo’s season, allowing their prank to go ahead) this is sure to go down really badly with the school itself.  I’m rolling my eyes at the ones who are outraged that the school is considering reporting it - what did they expect?  Also, surely they can figure out who was doing it - people were literally throwing handfuls of the pictures over the stairs.  Surely they could work out who it is.  It’s pretty clear that Alex still thinks this is funny and I’m losing patience with him.  Every time it seems like maybe he’s getting less gross he goes and acts like this again.  Bleh.  I’m not often rooting for Leonie and feeling for her, but wow today I really am.  This is shitty and she has a right to be angry.

5.  Ew, Alex, why are you stalking Mia again?  She’s made it pretty clear she’s not happy with you.  Turning up out of the blue like a creep isn’t a good way to go about winning her over again.  His ‘we were drunk, what can you do?’ is so... stupid???  They’ve lost money from this, the school is really angry, they could easily have some pretty bad consequences and he’s all ‘meh, it was a drunken prank’?  I know money isn’t an issue for him, but there are issues here beyond the money.  I’m also kind of annoyed that everyone keeps suggesting she’s upset because she’s jealous.  I’ll be really annoyed if the show carries on this way - this isn’t just a silly little prank, and people have every right to be angry and annoyed.  Diminishing it to jealousy isn’t cool.  Is Leonie also jealous?  The people who are angry and upset they’re being blamed and their money has been taken?

6.  I do love scenes where the whole girl squad is together.  They make me happy and I miss seeing them together so much.  But OMG, Alex is blackmailing Mia again????  I mean I guess it worked the first time so why wouldn’t he?  But this is seriously shitty behaviour.  Honestly, in clip one I was mildly starting to warm to him with the post-its and all, but he’s managed to speed run right back into ‘asshole’ category.  This was the problem in the og as well - William was such an asshole, that in order to make him likeable, we had to see a much more genuinely villainous character.  Alex is still super dislikeable and so we need someone ‘worse’ to make him look palatable, which I assume is coming.  We’re halfway through - we should like him by now.  I dunno.  Maybe some people do?  But he still has done nothing to make me think he’s nice or someone who Mia might be attracted to.

7.  Oh a long Friday clip?  Almost half the episode?  I guess it’s going to be a rough one for Mia then.  More reflections again - her whole face in the mirror now, but it’s surrounded by graffiti.  I’m always fascinated by the way mirrors and reflections work, and it’s fun to see Mia slightly obscured in her mirrors even now.  It’s not as disjointed as it was at the start but it’s not a fully clear reflection either.  I may not like the way Noora/Mia’s story goes but I do like some of these things which show the progress.

8.  I feel kind of sorry for Jonas, because that break up wasn’t his choice.  But seriously, he seems to be blaming this on Hanna a bit and like ????? He chose to make her feel small and unworthy through her whole season.  She’s allowed to try to figure herself out outside of him and his wants and needs.  Eh, I know he’s hurting and all, but that’s actually his issue and he shouldn’t be pushing it on her.

9.  This scene with Mia and Alex bothers me.  He still seems to have no idea why she might find his actions (selfish and self-serving and filled with blackmail) offputting.  ‘I fixed it, so we should totally be together now’ is such an immature and childish take on this.  These types of guys need to grow up and learn that they can’t just buy and/or coerce their way into whatever they want.  I like the way they decide to have Kiki walk past just as Mia has to choose whether to say she doesn’t want Alex or not.  It adds a poignancy to it and Mia obviously chooses to stick by her friends.  I do wish it felt more conflicting, like if Alex genuinely had changed or had shown he has depth or something it would be a bigger ‘wow she’s rejecting him for her friend’ but instead he’s still such an unpleasant character that I don’t care.

10.  I’m not sure why Mia does the brushing off of the makeup - I feel like it made more sense when Noora did it (I mean I watched it once a very long time ago so who knows, but my memory is that it was her way of trying to reject being ‘pretty’ and having guys liking her because it was messing her up).  With Mia, I don’t understand.  Someone help me out?

11.  I still don’t get what Mia sees in Alex.  Again, I know I have a really big bias against him because of William and I know it was always going to be tough for him to be someone I care about.  But even so, this feels like a huge whiplash when she says of course she likes him.  I’d get it if we’d seen any of his development, but every time he took a mini step forward he shoved himself right back into dislikeable territory.  Once again, I mourn the actual conversation between Mia and Alex.  This all feels far too fast, and the fact that this is suggesting his blackmail is all good is very worrying.  All the post-it notes in the world can’t make me think he’s nice enough to want to kiss.

Overall, I didn’t really like this one.  I feel like the pacing is still off; I don’t believe the speed at which Mia has fallen for him and honestly it hasn’t been very long since Kiki was with Alex and had her heart broken.  The fact that Mia even saw her and told him she doesn’t like him only to turn around immediately and change her mind is strange to me.  Mia has always come across as a caring person who tries to do the right thing and help out her friends.  That she has apparently no qualms at this point is difficult for me.  They’re acting the hell out of this, but I can’t buy it.  Unfortunately.  Sadly, because this is based on a very flawed original, I don’t think it’s going to make me enjoy these two.  There are things that I’m interested in seeing as we go forward but most of those have zero to do with Alex.

Just thought of a case closed like au where Tommy is basically Conan (important to note that the characters real name is Jimmy, but when he becomes a kid he uses the name Conan)

In the anime some dudes try to kill Jimmy, but it ends up making him a kid and only his inventor/ mad scientist friend knows (I’ll be referring to him as Doc). Because I never have an original thought, Dream is obviously the guy trying to kill him during exile and thinks he’s dead. Everyone else just thinks he’s off in exile or ran away. Now for some situations and dynamics I think might be cool. Also all of these will be anime logic cause it’s based off an anime. It’s all ooc now suffer through my rambles

You know that library scene where Jimmy has to think of a new name? I am absolutely keeping that it’s an requirement. Tommy finds Techno’s house and Techno discovers him in the attic. Tommy ends up backed against the bookshelves and sees the Iliad and Odyssey, and so when asked for his name he says Homer. 

 If Techno doesn’t realize it’s Tommy it would be like Richard and Conan, but if Richard was actually competent. Tommy might try to lead techno towards his and l’manburgs enemies. Techno would definitely notice, but he cares about the kid and entertains the thoughts until he realizes that there might be a point

honestly i just want to see techno doing his usual stuff and Tommy ends up following along. Most of the time causing trouble for techno, but sometimes he thinks something kinda pog and joins in on whatever destruction techno is doing (i know this makes techno one of those anime villains that occasionally team up for the greater good, but like that’s the point. Case Closed is an anime with the biggest case of anime logic like it’s the only way. Our favorite pig has to be reduced to this I’m sorry not sorry) 

Also I know that a competent Richard just wouldn’t be Richard but shhhhh let me have this

If Techno does realize he’s Doc. Like that inventor dude is perfect. Just tosses Tommy some potions and golden apples. Mainly lets him do his own thing, but as they get closer helps out a little. Definitely gives Tommy maxed out netherite armor practically immediately. 

Honestly whether Techno knows or not he’s still like Doc, but I think if he doesn’t know then he’s going to be a little more like Richard. 

Dynamic with Phil could go in 3 main ways 

Phil instantly knows because he’s immortal and has seen everything. He does some research to figure out how to turn him back, but he’s not too bothered and is in no hurry. Just mainly laughs and makes fun of him, especially if Techno doesn’t know. (Once Tubbo and Ranboo adopt Michael he takes the opportunity to bother Tommy and runs with it. Just sends him off for a playdate or comparing the two when Tommy does something childish) 

Phil doesn’t know but has seen this before. He eventually finds out and laughs about it, but techno would probably already know. Very similar to the first one, but shock value. I think it would be really funny

Phil doesn’t know and didn’t think it was possible. Maximum shock value and maybe some emotive wings thing here. Techno most likely knows, but would also be funny if he didn’t. Just the child that’s been living in his home is actually one of the dudes that betrayed him. (I think it would go with if Phil was the one to find him in the attic when he said the fake name. Just techno already knows and is slightly freaking out and Tommy just giving the worst name ever. Phil would definitely know that something is up, but he trusts Techno.)

Butcher Army things

Just doesnt happen for plot reasons, which is valid but come think of the drama and angst

If they come before Tommy is there then honestly it’s just the same plot, but Techno is even more cautious of Tommy, especially if he does know he’s Tommy. But also imagine he comes home from nearly being killed, and a random child he’s never met is there. He knows that Homer isn’t his real name, but he’s too tired to care and he’s not so heartless as to leave a kid out to die. No deal or partnership is made, just Tommy being told not to steal anything and to make himself useful. Basically just treated like Edward and allowed to exist in the same space. 

If they come while Tommy is there we know that Tommy won’t just stay hidden. He might get spotted in a window, he might rush out, he might be outside when they come, or my personal favorite 

As they’re taking techno away he might grab a bunch of random potions and weapons and run after them. Would most likely be caught and used as a hostage, but I bet people would be a lot more uncomfortable with a kid as the hostage (might even make some people second guess about l’manburg). But what if he is successful, and Techno is saved by a little Tommy/Homer. But what if Techno sees a random kid he doesn’t know show up with his own potions and spare weapons and helps him escape. It would be the greatest thing ever with Techno’s ultimate equivalency thing. He owes this kid a favor, which could lead to techno being more active in finding out what happened to Tommy. 

The library scene still happens cause it’s a requirement, but it happens after everything with the butcher army. So this either smooths over the whole thing of him actually being Tommy, or Techno doesn’t press on being told an obviously fake name. Either way techno would let him stay, but imagine the hijinks if techno doesn’t know

imagine the angsty moment when techno realizes that ‘Homer’ knows more about what’s happening to Tommy than he’s letting on and Techno gets frustrated and yells at him about if he really wants to find Tommy and the truth comes out

True Case Closed fashion would have some complicated plan to withhold his identity but this is Tommy and Technoblade we’re talking about. Without massive outside help that wouldn’t be happening, and even then it would just make Techno even more suspicious 

Scenario for if techno doesn’t know: he notices how similar ‘Homer’ and Tommy act and wonders out loud how old Tommy is. While he knew that Tommy was young, he didn’t think that Wilbur would have child fight in multiple wars and be vice president. Cue Tommy being flabbergasted

I know that has fix-it fic vibes but they exist for a reason. Let me imagine conflict resolution in peace

Imagine all the complications on people trying to figure out how Techno knows ‘Homer’

Crackfic style: When Tommy is asked why his name is Homer he in a panic tells people that his father really liked Greek Mythology. With all of Techno’s mythology references and Tommy being around him a lot people think Techno is his dad. 

The confusion, the misunderstanding. Phil congratulating techno and confronting on not being told, Phil knowing and laughing at the ridiculousness. 

Makes the most sense with if Techno already knows, but if he doesn’t he would probably have a talk on how he’s flattered, but that he shouldn’t be a father and blah blah blah. Maybe a talk about being equals? idk this is already in crackfic area it doesn’t make sense

People think they’re brothers. Honestly a lot of different ways this could happen, but would still be funny. 

Nephew!!!!! Would honestly be less likely to be disputed by Techno, but he probably still wouldn’t be a huge fan of it. Might follow after the dad rumor as who else would be that into mythology than Techno’s family? 

Family friend’s kid. Probably the cover story and where they end up with, but leaves a lot of room for speculation. What family? Who would trust him with a child? Is he just trying to hide his true relation? I view dsmp as basically a soap opera and by god I will make it even more of one

Most likely: a combination of everything. everyone has a different idea and no one knows the truth. 

If Tubbo was the one to know he would be the tech guy, but not like Doc was. He would be fully involved in helping Tommy get back to normal

Phil might find out if Tubbo asks suspicious questions 

Tommy would get a front row seat to Tubbo and Ranboo getting married and he would be happy for them but would not stop complaining 

People might think Tubbo is grieving by helping out a kid that acts a lot like Tommy

When confronted on where the kid came from he might mention how he told Jschlatt that he was pregnant and how could everyone else forget? 

Honestly ghostbur might bring that up and they just roll with it

When Michael comes around will absolutely tell Tommy to go “play with his brother”. Would be kinda similar to Phil with teasing Tommy about that, but more exaggerated. People might find out due to the teasing 

Ranboo

insert the million ways he can find out due to techno or tubbo

He moves in after doomsday and figures it out by ‘Homer’s’ mannerisms 

Maybe he sees Tommy become a kid and comes to the conclusion that the only place safe is with Phil, which leads to Techno basically taking care of him 

Would be so awkward but imagine the begging and explaining. Doesn’t make sense in terms of the smp but anime logic 

Butcher army drama intensified as Tommy is captured. Would fight whoever tries to hurt Tommy. 

If we go with true case closed style Tommy would secretly pass supplies to Ranboo, who secretly passes them to Techno with some dramatic speech and a soccerball, but that doesn’t quite fit here. 

Might have Tommy stay at his L’manburg house and it all goes terribly. They eventually go to Techno’s together cause i like the plot line

In this case Tommy might find out about Ranboo unknowingly being involved with Dream

Would put Tommy in charge of watching over Michael when the syndicate comes to snowchester 

If Tommy shows up when he’s already moved in it would be extremely complicated to explain but I don’t think they’d mind all that much? Techno wouldn’t like him stealing his stuff, but it’s less aggravating when it’s a child who probably had to steal to live. And anyways they took in Ranboo, who is basically a kid in need, and so how can they get mad at Ranboo for doing the same? Techno and Phil would let them be with the occasional offer to bring food, or let them stay while Ranboo makes an actual house

Tommy is probably there when the disc is found and there’s a whole range of scenarios to do there take your place

During Techno and Ranboo’s adventure for sponges and totems Phil would offer to watch Tommy. 

Insert what happened with Rachel almost figuring it out, but Phil isn’t fooled. He responded to the name Tommy and the signs are there. He has a long talk with Ranboo and Tommy about what’s happening when he gets back

Ranboo would absolutely try to pull off complex plans to get people not to notice, but because it’s Ranboo they believe him or ignore it. Tubbo would definitely press a lot more than others, but I don’t think Ranboo would break. He has no moral backbone but this isn’t for him to tell. 

Insert Tommy in a panic tells the syndicate his dad liked Greek mythology and Techno makes the comment of him not knowing that Ranboo liked mythology too. Phil would make the joke too, not mattering if he knows or not

Michael  

Just thinks Tommy/Homer is fun to be around. 

They get into trouble together, especially if Ranboo and Tubbo don’t know he’s Tommy. 

If they do know he’s Tommy they’re pissed 

Craziness for who knows about Tommy and/or Michael 

Tommy and Techno are worried/and or suspicious about Ranboo so one day they follow and find out about Tubbo and Michael. The syndicate checking out snowchester is so much more comical as Techno pretends not to know. 

Circle of secrets as Phil, Ranboo, and Tommy knows about Tubbo and Michael. Only Techno and Tommy know that ‘Homer’ is Tommy. Tommy is the only one who knows everything and absolutely holds it over techno’s head. Everyone knows that something is up, but asking would mean reveling their secret as well

yes this is the most anime like scenario that’s why im bringing it up

Phil would be most likely to just casually drop Tommy off with Michael. Techno might if push comes to shove. Tubbo would do so momentarily. Ranboo wouldn’t want to, but might end up doing it the most because he’s worried about people hurting Michael. 

Now what makes this like Case Closed is the attempt to get Tommy back to normal

aka it barely exists

Conan becomes normal momentarily a few times but then gets back to being a kid. It just keeps on going. The show is still running. 

There’s this attempt to go after Dream but it never really works, Dream might never find out. He somehow ends up in the prison anyways and still nothing happens

It’s just frustrating and nothing ever really happens we’re just all suffering

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

New Eyes

CW: Some internalized homophobia

Warning: This is 15 pages on Google Docs so it’s long. This is a combination of poems I’ve written over the past year or so (if my timeline is correct) about realizing and processing through some of my past crushes. It took me til version 4 to shift my perspective and not be ashamed of how I felt about these people. It’s kind of depressing to think that it took me no less than 4 years to get rid of the shame surrounding my sexuality, and even still I have my days, but in this case it makes for a nice arc that comes to accept everything by the end. In case you’re interested here’s a brief background on each person. I’m gonna go off since it’s already the length of a chapter of a book lmao.

1. She is literally the reasons for all of this. She was someone who I’ve known since middle school because we were in the “accelerated math group” together. She was always popular, but something always struck me differently about her. During our sr year of high school I sent her a message on Facebook and we had a few conversations on there. We were the only girls in our math class by this time and tbh we had more conversations online than we ever did in-person...we even sat next to each other in class omfg.

2. This one is about a friend I met in college. She was pretty, full of joy, and has a nice smile so I’m a very simple person when it comes to being attracted to people lol. I forced myself to get over it quickly and I’m thankful we still talk sometimes despite never really hanging out outside of the Christian group we were in lol.

3. Damn, this one’s about the friend referenced in “To see her smile again”. She’s literally just too perfect and the day I realized I got butterflies when she walked into the room was the day I fully realized/accepted that okay there’s more to me than being straight. I still don’t know how or why she loved me so well.

4. This one is about a friend I met in college, literally on the first day I was there. We were both in the same orientation group and were both so awkward we somehow stuck around together all 4 years lmao. Idk if she’s just awkward around me only or everyone, but by the end I could feel some kind of unspoken tension between us, especially after we went to see a play for the theatre class we took that was about Stonewall lol. A part of me wanted to say something but another part of me thought that maybe she was in a different place in the same journey of discovering her sexuality. The funniest part is that on Valentine’s Day I think a year ago we DM’ed on Instagram for 5 hours str8 (gay).

5. Aah yes, just another one of my Twitter crushes. Jk the first Twitter crush oooh! It took me like a good 6 months to fully accept said crush and like another 6 months to fully get over it. Truly I wish her all the best and all the healing.

V1.0

Once upon a time, These eyes grazed the truth

They saw the surface They saw someone With so much purpose

A life with a heart Transcending barriers and A mind with the ability To achieve great things

A person so pure Hiding their true self within Yet solid and confident in Serving

It was this willingness Intelligence Freedom To get lost in music and dance Goodness Integrity That led me to believe You were one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen.

And this, Is the truth that these eyes Could see

Objectively, Honestly, Truthfully, As transparently as Any teacher Any observer Any friend Knew you to be.

Yet still, My mind seems To have forsaken me.

What I know now Is what I failed to admit then What I replay in my head Is what I am slowly learning To accept within

It brings me shame To let these emotions Finally come in

And it brings me pain, Because that's not how I want to remember How and why This was perhaps, the "best" end.

I want to remember The objective observations The person we all saw, Not just me

I want to remember Rightfully, The words you said to me

I want to remember How I tried to look inside you So deeply

And how you gracefully Eloquently Opened up to me.

All I hope Is that these memories mean At least half of what they do to you As they do to me.

Even if I Can now look in this mirror And see, Say these words to myself Breathe And let them be,

I will never forget What you meant To everyone You met.

But because I tried To look so deep Because I tried To love you as you were, As you are I ended up finding something Only these eyes now Could see.

I cannot say That I fell in love With a fantasy

Because love Is so vast and deep

But there was A new feeling inside of me An emotion I would hide Because I never wanted it to be Outside For anyone To see.

I look back at these moments That replay inside my mind From every bathroom anxious tear I cried Unknowingly Became the catalyst For this "why"

Why was I so anxious And afraid? But that won't explain Why did I even feel The way that I did?

I didn't want to I pushed it down So easily It took me almost 5 years To finally accept This story That lingered inside of me.

Once I see A heart, soul, human life To love, I jump in wholeheartedly

Because I guess That is just who I am, Who I was made to be.

But I didn't expect That I'd be here Confronting these Treacherous conflicting feelings That to the casual observer Make it seem like It was all for me, Self-motivated Self-intentioned Just to set my eyes on something I could not define At the time.

If not me If I can't believe it, I hope you know Remember And see That regardless of what I felt The words we never said Still give you more Than a thousand reasons To keep on breathing And to keep on being The beautiful person We all knew You'd grow to be.

V2.0

Imagine What this heart can do Imagine What this heart can feel What these eyes Can see inside Before the mind Redraws the lines.

Imagine God's truth Willfully entering the soul Revealing more

Than I could ever know But all that I feel Is beyond words.

Imagine That what is beyond words Is not beyond shame

In fact, Shame has now met these emotions And tainted this love, The love the Lord has given To this heart of mine

This love that was pure Of good intention Is now questioned, Because of the reality, My reality, The way my mind sees

I can only perceive What these eyes gaze upon And the brain processes, filters, Through its many recognized colors

I cannot see What was not meant for me And what is Beyond me.

With these eyes, Imperfect and perhaps blind, They let me look upon a face Labeling it within me as shame Instead of grace

I used to be able to see, What I thought so innocently, Now a darkened fiend Of what was made A friend

What has now surfaced Became lies What has harbored Is judgment Internally, And nocturnal I have become

This is merely Not what I wanted to see But rather A predator where it meets its prey Onlooking the target Ready to strip Its life away

But here, This life is dignity Of the soul across the room Once the prime and primitive Instincts and defense mechanisms activate, There is no more reason, No way That words will ever be able To explain.

This Feels lost Feels lonely Like no one but me Will understand clearly That I love Deeply Wholly I dare say beautifully Whether or not these feelings Are just my feelings Or beyond Only my reality.

Because reality Is subjective Different between both you and me But somehow still We may find common ground Where the images our minds outline Overlap and see the same

It is here, where more than I Can finally understand. It is here, Where words are no longer the enemy But the potion and antidote To this shame

For this shame Has met humility Vulnerability The courage To be me

Even if The whole world will never know I know the whole world Will never understand, I still stand With my heart tall Convicted with truth Rooted in the Lord's Truth That you are so beyond and Better than beautiful It fills me With awe.

V3.0

These new eyes that have seen Change unfolding Have also seen Love unraveling.

From all the sweetness And fondness Of pure untarnished memories, To what I don't know if I know How to see,

This is me Raw and untouched Naked and ashamed To have loved The friend who was Never meant For me.

Blessed was I To have found one So faithful and kind For once not out of reach But yet still Out of my league With all the riches Of intelligence to joy And of course A smile that was not For the faint of heart to see

I have loved before, For it was here I found love In the purest form First, foremost, Of friendship

It was here Where every good thing That resonated inside me Grew tenfold With this unknown blessing That I had fathomed to know Beyond blessings ever received.

Yet, Little did I know, It took courage To love this way. Selfless Never ill-intentioned I tried to be Until the end.

It was generously That she gave me And so kindly Yet humbly I tried to give back Never feeling like What I gave was enough, As she so gracefully Accepted everything Speaking to me without words It was more than enough.

There is not a single soul That I have met Who could ever be Her Anything like her, Who could also be Or will likely ever be My friend.

It was on the days We left, Where our presences departed Where I had no regrets

But it was then When I realized The sadness and grief Was yet the loss Of love, Including the Lord's Love.

It was she, Who lamentably taught me How butterflies felt Inside me All the way To fear and shame Of this very discovery

As well as The best hugs Any person may probably ever give me.

There is no one like her, And there is no one better for her Than her husband, And this I know, It is he who I know To be faithful, kind, Courageous, righteous, Steadfast and Unconditionally loving

But somehow, I ask the Holy Spirit Did you bring her Here To teach me About love, faithfulness, and joy? Did you bring her Here To show me light in the world Once more? Did you bring her here To have a friend for once, To give me courage to speak, To love a friend deeply? And did you bring her here So that I could love so deeply That I found this part of me?

I can still say To this day That I have No regrets About anything I Have written or said To this friend, The greatest gift, A catalyst For this journey, And the one who gives The best hugs With the sweetest smiles I’ll ever be blessed to receive.

V4.0

Once where A new era began, A seed was planted In the mere probability of our existence

We did not find each other We stumbled upon one another In a way where awkwardness Was the main contributor To our similarities

Yet you stayed And I of course, stayed Somehow we relished In a relieving familiarity

Perhaps, It brought us together For that reason.

But what we had And what we have Has grown from a seed,

Watered, waiting We are here Where I never thought we would be: Friends now far away, Yet still able to relate

But even then What does it mean? It may not mean much of anything.

For a fleeting feeling Lines the nerves of my being Extremities tense While the rest of me at peace

For this is the only awkwardness We have known to overcome, Time and time again, —I never know Where your thoughts go

There is so much to be learned So much we will never know But in each other, We have still grown.

Maybe this is the best feeling I would never have known If I were not able To express it freely

Maybe one day Our lives not our hearts Will collide Telling the same story Of who we were always meant to be.

V5.0

To Jade, A jewel of always Every color but green,

Your story is a wonderful epic, Tales of travels That never grow old

They write an unapologetic narrative Of every highest mountain top And every lowest valley

You have climbed as high Just as much as you Have fallen down and cried

And I, I so wished to see and to learn Of every broken piece to your life That you thought you needed to earn

But I, Even with good intentions Fell into a hole I could not climb

I embraced every part At the expense of my joy Only adding To my despair

But you taught me What strength and courage Could be

To say it is easy To wake up every day Without the one Who loved you most Is irreparable As much as he was irreplaceable

To say the scars it leaves behind Are mere wounds of the flesh to be tended to Would simply be a lie

But still I Fell in love with What it could look like To see you wake up every morning And choose life

For there is nothing more brave As the story you write And continue to write.

I still stand by And wish to look upon your life To see how far you've come

But at least I've passed beyond The emotions I feared would last forever

Back then I was confused Back then I was still learning And I thank you for helping me Find who I am

Even if I can never say I fell as deep for love's sake, If I ever find you Stumble upon Or see you I will find the reddest rose And gift it to you

For the honor and memory of your brother And for the honor and memory of you Because sometimes words Will never be enough To describe what will always Be blooming in you (And how you've allowed me To blossom too).

Conclusion / V1.5

Without what happened that night These essays would never have turned to poems

Without the words we never said I wouldn’t have these reasons why I write

You are still as beautiful as the day I met you And the day I left you when I accepted You will remain a memory, not a friend meant for forever Or even for a second

But still, I do not hesitate To smile and be embarrassed Knowing now all That I did not know then That brings clarity, closure, and an end.

I never loved you But I definitely liked you Enough to zone in on Every beat of your heart

Enough to make you see Who you were always made to be And how worthy you are To be you, To be everything you are.

And so here I remain, Content and at peace Knowing I am allowed To never-more be ashamed.

Hey there :3 May I request a matchup🙈? I'm a 5'6 tall, queer, chin long dyed red haired girl(she/her) and you can call me Karo if you need a name :p I don't really care if it's a single pairing or a poly one as well as the kind of relationship (platonic/romantic/sexual), but maybe a romantic one would be sweet🤔 I'm a INFP and was born under the sign of Pisces and I think the stereotype fits me pretty well lol. I don't think I would describe myself as clingy, I definetely need my space (part1)

and me-time, but sometimes it's also nice to have someone who will drag me outside to do stuff or socialize if I'm isolating myself too much or another depressive episode seems to creep up on me. I think they need to understand, doesn't matter if it's a platonic or romantic relationship, that sometimes I can't give them much(time etc) and that that's nothing personal and that they're still very important to me. Hmmm I think I would prefer my relationship like I like my fanfics hehe, slow burning, like first get to know each other, (enemies to) friends to lovers is just *chefs kiss* for me <3 I really love to draw and sing, to dance too, I like to spend time in nature and with animals, help them too. But I also like adrenaline rushes, like rollercoasters, cave exploring, bungee jumping, exploring lost places etc, I would say I'm almost up to anything if it's exciting or interesting, but I definetely like just chilling and watching netflix, playing games or watching Vine compilations or crackhead satire twilight tiktoks(which is tbh the things I do most of the time until someone drags me out). I love making others laugh with just random outbursts(thats pretty much my humour, just randomness and gen z memes). I try not to judge anyone for anything and be open for all kinds of stuff, except for like non-negotiable things for me like racism, homophobia, sexism etc, like, full offense but I have absolutely a zero tolerance for that. I also get very emotional very easily, doesn't matter if it's something not so important like a touching movie scene(so many things make me cry so easily haha) or like in an argument. I really have a hard time argueing, I hate it SO much, I either try to avoid conflict(and run away like a coward lol) or if it's really something we have to discuss I sometimes need time and space in between(not the best under stress talker/thinker), but if the other side is being calm and considerate then I think I would be fine too Oh almost forgot,I love cuddling(definetely also platonic)and am not afraid to just throw myself at my friends/lover/s I am getting better at not caring about what others think, but sometimes I'm still pretty insecure about everything(my actions,my future,my appearence..),but my motto is fake it till you make it,so feck other people,I can do whatever the hell I like and nobody's gonna stop me hehe😈🙈 Soo yes,I think that will be enough😂Thank you for your time and effort👐💕👐

A/N: I promise you fake it til you make it is 100000% good strategy and also i see feck are you from ireland

I pair you with.... The Attic Sandwich!

Beel and Belphie would be perfect partners for you. The two of them balance each other out in many ways, and you fit right into that. They value the connection between them and because of it they don't expect to always be around each other. This connection extends to you. Beel takes you out to all sorts of places (usually ones where there's unique food) and would definitely have fun with some adrenaline rushes. It makes him forget about his hunger for a bit. Belphie is absolutely there for your sense of humor and he's very good at watching your depression and arranging something to cheer you up.

More Below the Cut!

The plot of the first 20 chapters is what really gets you close to these two. (Spoilers for that follow and in the last three bullet points) Beel opens up more and more to you, and just absolutely falls for you. Belphie gives us that sweet, sweet enemies to lovers trope. He becomes curious about you, especially with how smitten Beel is, and ends up falling along the way.

THIS is the cuddliest group to ever cuddle oh my goodness when you want snuggles you will have them

They adore just relaxing with you. The three of you become a pile on the couch while watching movies or other videos.

Beel will watch you scroll through tumblr while he engulfs you with his arms. Belphie somehow worms his way into yours and alternates between sleeping against your chest and watching your screen as well. You hear an occasional snort of laughter from him.

Beel is very emotionally intelligent, so he can quickly determine your mood and what he can do to help.

Belphie encourages you to break out of your shell and be yourself. He's very blunt about his opinion of other people lol

He finds himself staying awake longer with you just so he can hear you. He thinks you're hilarious, honestly, and loves talking with you.

When you throw yourself at Beel he catches you. He big and strong and loves affection from you. but also this happens https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIhl1cW9Me8

Belphie thinks its the funniest shit he can't breathe

If you do it to Belphie honestly he just stands there - either to let you fall or cling to him like a koala. He looks so Done but I promise he loves it. He laughs at you either way. He saves hugs and cuddling for when laying in bed or sitting. Too tired to hold you.

They both understand needing space, and will often just go off and do their own thing. They have complete faith in your feelings for each other, and will never doubt that you love them.

At least not for needing alone time - Belphie has lingering guilt over plot but he tries to make up for it by protecting you.

The others in the house can't help but be reminded of the trio they were with Lilith as angels.

While it still hurts to remember, Beel and Belphie feel almost as if they've come home around you. A part of them that was lost is found again. 

Snippet!

Cleaning day is nobody's favorite, but least of all Belphie's. Too much work. Just don't take ou your stuff and then you don't have to clean it later, right? The problem to him seems to be all the time people spend awake and he shouldn't have to deal with it!

But cleaning day is a little better with Beel and Karo. With their laughs and energy. Usually seeing other people so active drained him, but not with those two. He watched as Karo danced around the room to the music she had put on, while she and Beel tidied up. It was frankly adorable, and best of all: Belphie wasn't expected to join.

He was happy to watch. He watched as Karo spun into Beel's side, surprising him and causing him to stumble before he laughed and swept her up into a spin together. He watched as Beel picked Karo up with ease to put something on the top shelves of the room. He watched Karo find pillows in all the nooks and crannies of the room, and he huffed and whined when she threw each one at him on the bed.

Belphie was on snack duty. In exchange for the two helping him with cleaning day, he was expected to provide the rewards. This was not a small feat when Beel was involved, but it was far better than cleaning.

"Hah! The closet is done!" Karo declared, brandishing her feather duster. "Snack us, Belphie!"

He couldn't help but chuckle. It was an awful phrase. Silly and stupid, but Karo's enthusiasm was just so contagious. 

"Good job. C'mere," he told them, reaching to his hoard of treats.

Karo practically jumped onto the bed, grinning at him, while Beel was close behind looking very expectant. Belphie hid the curling smile of his lips by lifting up a large bag. "The closet is the biggest monster of them all - so for defeating it, you two get this."

Karo gasped and Beel's eyes gleamed. "Oh, those are my favorite..." he said, already reaching out.

"Ah-ah," Belphie pulled the bag back, to be met with a pout from Beel. "You'll eat them too fast for Karo to get any, so we're gonna do something different."

"Different?" Karo asked. 

Belphie smirked and opened the bag, which led to a very audible tummy rumble from Beel. He and Karo couldn't help but laugh. He pulled out a snack - just one - and held it up. "Karo, say 'aaah'." 

She beamed at him and opened her mouth. "Aaah!" Belphie tried really hard to keep his blush down as he dropped the snack in her mouth. She was so darn cute about everything. 

"Now you give one to Beel."

"Just one?" 

"Just one," Belphie agreed, smirking at the pout.

It didn't last long though, as Karo held up the snack and said "aaah" to Beel. He eagerly opened his mouth for the treat, but shocked himself by blushing heavily once she leaned over to feed him. Karo didn't comment, but seemd to be rather proud of the fact.

Belphie fed her another, and she followed up with Beel - but Beel took her hand after stealing the snack from her fingertips. He couldn't help but kiss the palm of her hand. "You're... so cute," he mumbled. "I like this."

"I thought you would," Belphie said, pleased with himself. "Karo?" he held up another. 

She went for the treat, but instead he pulled it away, holding it above his head. "Beel gave you a kiss, don't I get one too?"

Karo paused and blinked before laughing and leaning in. "You're adding new rules," she told him. 

"Never said I couldn't," he answered, giving her a light peck on the lips before presenting her with the treat. The look of satisfaction in her eyes made his heart pound, and he could tell that Beel's was just as busy.

"My turn," Beel said quickly. Whether he meant for a snack or for a kiss... well. We shall see.

I HAVE A DREAM (PART 8)

Kim Hongjoong Fanfic

Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.

Hello fellow atiny and kpop stans 👋🏼 I am back with part 8 of I Have A Dream as promised. If any of you guys missed the last update or didn’t read the top part, from now on I will be updating every Friday so please look forwards to that 😃 Now I present to you guys I Have A Dream Part 8 😊

Y/N had never regretted anything more in her life then in that situation she was in that moment, the constant walking up and down the isles of clothing causing her already throbbing feet to swell in her white flowered sandals. In her hands, she carried multiple varieties of colored dresses and shirts.

A couple feet in front of her stood Mrs. Park with her hands also full, the excitement in her eyes causing them to glint in the sunlight. Never in her entire life had Y/N meet someone with such a deep passion for shopping, as if that person thrived off of just swiping their credit card left and right with multiple bags to accompany that action.

She really regretted calling Mrs. Park to hang for the day but as she giggled at her crazy squealing and constant fawning over the brand new collection of maternity dresses, she honestly couldn't ask for a better person to have in her life.

“ Y/N come over here! You need to try on the dresses I picked out.” Mrs. Park calls out and all y/n can do is sigh in defeat, knowing that she won't let her get away from her little fashion show.

Dragging her tired feet towards the dressing rooms she watches as Mrs. Park shoves multiple dresses in one of the small stalls, then turn towards her. “ Okay sweety, now just try on the dresses and show them to me! I'll love to see how you look in the bright colors!” Mrs. Park exclaims clapping her hands with an excited look on her face.

“ You know fall is just around the corner? Why am I trying out dresses?” Y/N says and all she gets in return is a blank stare. “ You can wear leggings under your dresses and plus once you get bigger all you'll be able to fit in are dresses. You'll thank me later baby girl so don't worry your pretty little head off.” Mrs. Park says as she pats her on the head.

“ Can we at least take a break after this? I'm hungry and my feet are killing me” Y/N says and Mrs. Park winces when she mentions her feet, remembering the days when she would limp from how swollen her feet we're during her pregnancy. Nodding her head, Mrs. Park shoos Y/N back into the dressing room telling her to try at least 3 out of all the dresses in the big pile.

Turning towards the pile, she picks two soft peach-colored dresses and a soft mustard colored knit dress. The softness of the dresses already convincing her that the three are the ones she'll purchase but she still decides to try them on for the sake of pleasing the older lady waiting for her outside the dressing room.

Tugging the dark blue curtain back, Y/N walks out the dressing room in the mustard dress and before she can say anything Mrs. Park starts fawning over her attracting the attention of the other customers in the store. “ Look at you honey!!” she squeals and Y/N can feel her face start flushing red from embarrassment.

“ Thanks, Mrs. Park” Y/N mumbles out causing Mrs. Park to reach forwards and pinch Y/N’s arm. “ What did I say y/n-sie~~~ Call me auntie” she whines out and all Y/N does is chuckle out, causing Mrs. Park to let out an almost childish like huff.

“ Can we go eat now? We can get back to dressing up later but right now I need some food in my system and it seems like I'm not the only one.” Y/N says as she rubs her stomach causing Mrs. Park to let out a gasp. “ Oh my goodness! Yes, of course! I can't let my two babies starve now can I?! Your brother would kill me if I somehow forgot to feed you two.” She says and with that she forces Y/N back into the dressing room, telling her to change back into her original dress.

Y/N doesn't need to be told twice because as soon as those words get out of Mrs. Park's mouth she books it back to the small room and changes back. Making sure that all her belongings are still in her purse and that she has the three dresses tucked under her arm, she quickly exits the dressing room and passes the other dresses to Mrs.Park to put them back. Walking towards the register, she takes out her wallet and waits for the cashier to ring her up.

Swaying on the heels of her feet, she waits for the cashier to tell her the total before the hairs on the back of her neck start to rise. The feeling of being watched again causing her to let out a shaky breath, the goosebumps that raise on her skin causing her to rub her arms up and down.

All throughout her day out with Mrs. Park, she had been feeling as if someone had a constant eye on her. The feeling of someone watching and following her every move scaring her beyond belief. She didn't tell Mrs. Park as she thought that maybe she was being paranoid, maybe it was Kyung Mi playing a prank on her, or maybe the little boy Jinyoung wanting to say hi to her again.

She honestly had no idea, but she was trying to keep the positive feeling in the air, knowing that freaking out and causing Mrs. Park to freak out as well would only ruin the day. Either way, if being followed and constantly being watched is what she felt then she knew she could hold out her own. The pink small taser and pepper spray shoved in the bottom of her purse reassuring her that she would be okay at least for a pregnant woman.

Paying for her dresses, she quickly shoved her credit card in her wallet and tucked it in her purse. Bidding the cashier a good day and a quick goodbye, she walked towards the exit where Mrs. Park (or in her case auntie) was standing and together they walked out the maternity clothing store.

Standing there for a couple of seconds, they start debating whether they should head towards the village's popular restaurant or towards the various food stalls lined just a block away. Knowing how packed the restaurant can get from working just across the place, they finally decide to head towards the crowded but not packed food stalls.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Mingi had never been one for conflict, always deciding to let things cool out before actually fixing the issue. From the looks of it, it seems as if Hongjoong and San were going to be fighting for a while and even though Mingi blamed no one but Hongjoong he really wished that everything would be resolved right away.

After the argument that broke out in the kitchen that morning the guys had spread around the big house wanting to escape the heavy tension that lingered on San. Wooyoung seemed to have gone to his room as well as San was sitting alone in the living room, staring blankly at the tv. Knowing that San would only drive himself insane with how quiet and how deep he was in his thoughts, Mingi decided that the least he could do was distract him for a couple of hours.

“ San, let's go out to the town square. I don't know were thing 2 is but he's obviously not going to help so let me be the one to comfort you for once.” Mingi says, breaking San from his train of thought.

“ I'll like to go... But what if we bump into y/n?.. I don't want her to think that we followed her and cause her to leave again.” San says as he rubs the skin between his eyes, letting Mingi know that whatever he was thinking about was causing him a headache.

“ Then I guess we'll just have to keep an eye out for her. C’mon you need fresh air and food. We can go get some food if you want.” Mingi walks towards San and lifts him up by the back of his shirt, causing San to let out a startled woah and stumble from the way Mingi was dragging him towards the door.

Knowing that Mingi won't take no for an answer, San takes his pair of brown boots and shoves them into his feet. Nodding towards Mingi, they both grab their wallets and phones exiting the big home and walking towards the town square.

Mingi knows that San just wants peace and quiet, the constant fighting with Hongjoong seeming to wear him down little by little due to his appearance. He wants San to let everything out, to finally be the same happy and giggly San but he knows that something like that won't be accomplished easily. The constant fighting not only affecting San and Hongjoong but all of them, all Mingi can do is pray that by the end of the month they can all return on good terms.

San expected Mingi to interrogate him the minute they walked out the door, but instead they both walked in silence. He exhales in relief mentally thanking Mingi that he didn't mention anything, the quiet chirping of the birds around them and the cool breeze dancing around them causing his shoulder to drop from their tense position.

Quickly arriving at the town square, they both decide to head towards the food stalls craving some spicy tteokbokki. They don't seems to make it far into the bustling food stalls before Mingi quickly grabs ahold of San’s sweatshirt and drags him behind a wall.

“ What happened?!? Why did you drag me over here?” exclaims San as he looks at Mingi and all Mingi does is tell him to be quiet and point towards the direction they were heading.

A couple of feet in front of them stood Y/N with Mrs. Park, the both of them giggling to each other while eating portions of glass noodles. They watch as the older one shoves more food towards Y/N telling her something before patting the younger ones swollen belly.

San stares at her in awe, the first time he saw her seemed like a blur and he didn't remember much but now he can clearly see her and watch as she freely throws her head back in amusement to something the older lady in front of her said.

He lets a small smile invade his face as he watches in adoration, the sight of her being happy and healthy causing his heart to beat rapidly. Beside him, Mingi stares at Y/N in wonder. The sight of the woman he once knew as somewhat quiet and reserved fully enjoying herself at the moment.

This was the first time he has seen her since she left and finally looking at her completely all he could do is smile warmly at the sight of her baby bump. The way she would pat her stomach or the way the older lady would lean forwards and talk to Y/N’s stomach causing him to let out a small childlike giggle. Turning towards San, he saw the look of pure love and adoration said man had for the woman just a couple feet away from him.

In that moment, Mingi knew that no matter what happened between the three currently involved in the recent events he hoped and prayed that San was the one who would get picked in the end.

Turning back around to look at the duo they were currently hiding from, they watched as they finished up their food and got up to head towards the shops. They decided to keep an eye on them in case they walked towards them and then finally eat but as they watched them walk away from the table, Mingi let's out a barely audible gasp causing San to turn towards him.

“ What happened? Did she see you?!?” San asked in a panic, getting ready to book it out of there if they were discovered but all Mingi did was grab San by the neck turning him towards where Y/N was standing.

It took San a couple of seconds to figure out what he was supposed to be looking for before his eyes finally set on her.

There a couple of feet away from Y/N stood Ji Woo. Taking slow almost cautious steps towards Y/N and the older lady with her.

Mingi watched as San’s eyes turned hard and icy, his scary glare set on the girl quickly approaching Y/N. Before San could jump up and run towards the obvious interaction that was about to occur, Mingi quickly wrapped his arms around San and told him to stay in place.

All San could do was watch helplessly as Ji Woo called out Y/N’s name, watching as the smile on her face dropped just like his heart did the minute he saw her happiness slip away like sand between his fingers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“ Wow... I honestly never in my life had such amazing glass noodles as this one's.” Y/N said as she patted her stomach letting out huff from how full she is. Mrs. Parks lets out a small laugh then leans down so that she's staring at Y/N’s belly. “ You were quite hungry weren't you little man.” She says and Y/N raises and eyebrow at her question.

“ Little man huh? Youngjo said that it was going to be a girl.” She says as she starts to clean up the mess around them, causing Mrs. Park to quickly jump towards her and clean up instead. “ Your brother is a dummy, take my advice instead okay? Throughout my pregnancy, I knew I was having a boy and I was correct. So take it from me, it's going to be a strong, healthy boy.” Mrs. Park rants on and all Y/N does is smile at her, appreciating all the little tips and advice she has been giving her in her three months living there.

Finishing up, the both start heading towards the shops on the opposite part of the street away from the food stalls. As they walk towards the direction of a clothing store Mrs. Park desperately wanted to visit, the feeling of being watched again causes Y/N’s heart to start thumping in her chest.

Choosing to ignore it, she continues to walk with Mrs. Park before the call of her name brings her to a complete stop. She feels her entire body freeze in disbelief, the person who called her taking that as a sign to continue calling her name.

Slowly turning around, she holds her breath and prays to God that whoever it was that called her isn't who she thinks it is. Her prayers seems to fail, because standing just in front of her is Ji Woo.

“ Y/N... How.. How are you?” Ji woo stutters out and all Y/N does is stare blankly at her, at loss for words. “ You left so suddenly, I didn't get the chance to talk to you.” she mutters out causing Y/N to grip onto her blue dress in order to calm herself.

Mrs. Park seems to sense her distress because she immediately stands in front of Y/N, hiding her from Ji Woo’s view. “ Can we help you, young lady?” She asks as she carefully observes Ji woo, getting ready to stop her if she decides to walk any closer.

“ Oh please call me Ji Woo, I'm Y/N’s best friend.... I came to talk to her.” Ji woo babbles on trying to get as much as she can out there in case she gets dismissed by the older lady.

Mrs. Park immediately tenses up once Ji Woo gives out her name, the name of the person she desperately wanted to curse when Y/N told her the reason she moved into their small homely village.

Clearing her throat, Mrs. Park rolls her shoulders and gives Ji Woo the best fake smile she can pull off. “ Nice to meet you Ji Woo, but me and my friend here have to go so if you'll please excuse us.” Mrs. Park tells her, quickly turning around and taking now Y/N’s trembling hands.

Walking right behind Y/N in case Ji Woo decides to grab her, Mrs. Park start to speed walk towards the direction of her house before Ji Woo’s scratchy and nasally voice stops them in their tracks.

“ Y/N, please... Please don't leave again. I want to apologize for what I did. I want to make it up to you.” she begs, following closely behind the pair. Y/N rapidly shakes her head, and tugs at Mrs. Park wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Ji Woo seems to be growing impatient as the volume of her voice increases the more they walk away from her. “ Y/N CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME, YOU CAN’T JUST DROP YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP OVER SOMETHING SO DUMB.” she screams out, attracting the attention of people around the area.

“ STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS Y/N! HOW ABOUT YOU FACE ME LIKE A REAL WOMAN HUH? CAN YOU DO THAT FOR A MINUTE! HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO BE A GOOD MOTHER IF YOU CAN’T EVEN FACE ME RIGHT NOW!” Ji Woo yells out causing the duo to stop in their tracks and the chatter around them falls down to just whispering.

Y/N lets out a small sob, the shaking of her hands now having consumed her whole body causing random people around them to whine out in sympathy. She slowly turns around to look at Ji Woo but instead makes eye contact with Mrs. Park. She lets out a small gasp from how mad she looks, the soft look that she would always have in her eyes completely gone instead replaces with the sharp look of anger.

Ji Woo seems to still be yelling out towards them, attracting more attention to them, “ LOOK I’M SORRY I SLEPT WITH HONGJOONG BUT IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME! IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU WEREN’T A GOOD GIRLFRIEND TO HIM.” she continues to scream, and her last statement seems to shake the crowd around them looking at Ji Woo in disbelief and disgust.

Before Y/N can stop her, Mrs Park swiftly turns around and marches straight towards Ji Woo. The look on Mrs. Park's face seems to shut Ji Woo up as she watches her stomp towards her in a menacing way. Nobody seems to stop her as Mrs. Park lifts up her hand and strikes Ji Woo across the face, the loud sound that resonates from the harsh slap causing everybody to let out a gasp. A couple of feet away from the scene stand two guys leaning against the wall watching the turn of events, one of them gaping at the slap in shock and the other one smirking and mentally cheering for the older lady.

“ I've never in my life raised my hand at someone, much less thought about hitting someone... But you.. You deserved this and so much more.” Mrs Park spits out, rubbing her throbbing hand from how much force she used to smack Ji Woo.

Ji Woo carefully lifts her shaking hand towards her already bruising cheek, the bottom lip split and bleeding. She watches as various people crowd around Y/N to comfort her and multiple other people stand behind Mrs. Park to come to her defense.

“ Now you listen to me very closely, I may not know you well but I know just enough to figure out that you're the good for nothing ”best friend” that slept with y/n’s boyfriend. Of course he's as much of a low life as you and even though I don't like the idea of hitting someone I'll gladly do it to him as well.” Mrs Park says as she watches Ji Woo tear up.

“ I expect you to leave this village and never come back. The police in this place may not be that bright, so if it comes down to it I'll personally drag you out of here myself. Do I make myself clear?” she says and the people around her yell out in agreement, the small crowd around Y/N who are currently comforting her nodding their heads along as well.

Knowing that the older lady in front of her won't hesitate to do as she says, Ji Woo gives one final look at Y/N holding eye contact for a couple of seconds before finally turning around and running away towards her car.

Mrs. Park watches her to make sure that she leaves and once she sees Ji Woo’s car speed away from the area she quickly turns around and pulls Y/N into her arms. Thanking the people around her for taking care of the girl she considers family.

Shushing the crying girl in her arms, she covers her with a black floral cardigan and carefully begins to lead her towards her house. The group around her clear a path for them, giving out words of comfort to the pregnant woman, letting her know that if she ever needs help they'll happily help her telling her that she's apart of the village family.

Making it to Mrs. Park's bright yellow house, they both enter the warm and spacious living room. Leading her towards the soft beige L shaped couch, she sits Y/N in the middle of it taking notice of her quiet sniffing.

Carefully peeling the cardigan off of her, she takes Y/N’s face into her hands and wipes away the tears falling from her eyes. “ You're okay now sweety, she's gone now. I won't let her near you again you hear me.” she firmly states causing Y/N to throw herself onto Mrs. Park’s arms, wanting desperately to be held by someone.

“ I don't want to be that sad ever again. I don't want to cry the moment someone mentions what happened... I want to be happy for me and my baby. I want to finally forget everything and live in peace.” Y/N says as she weeps into Mrs. Parks arms, hiding her face in the older woman's shoulder.

“ I won't let you be that sad ever again baby... You'll have a happy life, you'll live in peace. You and your baby and whether you decide to open up your heart again maybe even a boyfriend or husband, you'll be happy I know it. You want to know how I know this? Because I'll make sure of it.” Mrs. Park whispers to the crying girl in her arms, lifting her hands and rubbing her back.

“ I'll take care of you two... You won't ever have to feel alone again sweety. Auntie will take care of you and your baby.” she says as she caresses Y/N’s stomach, the girl in her arms slowly calming down.

They sit there a couple of seconds before Y/N's broken whisper breaks the silence.

“ Thank you... Thank you so much for everything... I love you auntie.”

Mrs. Park feels her eyes water at the nickname, having been the first time that Y/N actually used it. Pulling the pregnant girl closer, she places a tender kiss to her head.

“ I'll take care of both of you... You don't have to worry about a thing... Not a single thing my sweet girl.”

ronan & olympe for the ship opinions? (also please let your previous anon know that they're the funniest person in the world and i love them)

So…interesting thing, there. And something I’ve been increasingly thinking about as I think back on my last few years of fandom, my evolving feelings towards M/F shipping, and how fandom, as a whole, treats M/F ships. I’m going to apologize in advance for the length since I KNOW you didn’t sign on for 1.5k words of reminiscence. 

Also: BEAGLE ANON, YOU’RE THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. 

When I first started out with 1789, in about 2015 or so, I was actually pro-Ronan/Olympe. Like, I wanted NOTHING more than fix-it fics where they retired to the country and had babies. I listened to La Guerre Pour se Plaire for HOURS, getting caught in the gothic atmosphere and the passionate, conflicted lyrics. But, at the time, the overall fandom environment was…well. Not conducive to it. And I was young, and I wasn’t strong in my opinions yet, so I stood back and kept it to myself. I think that might be part of why I ended up backing away from 1789 when I did. Yeah, I liked it, but I didn’t have a strong sense of community, and most of the attention, at that time, was in the Mozart, L’Opera fandom, and I wasn’t a major picture there. I attended streams, yeah, but I wasn’t a CONTENT creator, and it was easy for me to fade into the background, I think. Maybe because I was too afraid to be a content creator, back then, because that would involve possibly expressing my own opinions. I accepted that Ronan/Olympe was No bad, terrible, awful based on that desire to fit in, because it was so much EASIER. Just like I accepted that French 1789 was a disaster, that MOR was much better, and that, really, it wasn’t worth the effort. Just an inferior musical. (The problem, of course, was that I NEVER liked MOR as well as I liked 1789. Maybe it’s better put together, but I don’t ENJOY it as much, and imo it drags quite a bit at a few places, a problem shared by its German counterpart.) 

I came back to 1789 around…2017, with the European Musicals Streaming event, with the Takarazuka one totally stealing my heart, specifically Lazare/Ronan. Suddenly, I was IN, and I was creating content. Yeah, most of the French musicals fandom didn’t give a flying fuck that I was creating content, with most of my support coming from my friends and Takarazuka fans, but I was CREATING CONTENT, for the first time since I joined fandom. I was finally starting to figure out my way in fandom, finally starting to get noticed. In 2018……..for reasons I won’t give out, at least publicly, there was a massive rift in the old French musicals fandom, a lot of bridges got burned, and, naturally, I was far enough from the fire. But this DID give me a shot at carving out my own 1789 experience, for once, without them hanging over my shoulder. I do think that the reason why the 1789 fandom’s as strong as it is now is because of that rift, because it left a sort of power vacuum. Suddenly, there was a space for other French musicals, and we didn’t have to worry about the constant comparison to MOR. BUT. Keep in mind. 2-3 years ago, the overwhelming consensus on Ronan was pure, unadulterated hatred. There were a few Ronan content creators in an already small pool, but the general consensus was that Lazare was better in every way and Ronan was a terrible protagonist.  (I know fully well that some old members of the French musicals fandom, to this day, won’t engage with Ronan content. At all. And I can say this as openly as I do because I KNOW they don’t follow me.) As a Peyronan shipper, I was in an awkward place, especially as time went on and I realized that I actually did like the little shit. One half of my OTP was absolutely beloved, one half was hated, and, while there was definitely some content on the Tumblr side of things (I definitely did NOT single-handedly invent the ship out of thin air, I don’t take credit for it, and I’m grateful to everyone who kind of. Took me in), the fan fiction side of things still tended to lean Ronan/Olympe. If, today, it seems like the fandom consensus is Ronan/Lazare, that’s because I fought tooth and nail to get my own place in the fandom. 

I…suppose you could say that I justified my place in the fandom by tossing Ronan/Olympe under the bus. It was easier, that way. It meant that I could forge alliances with anyone who wanted Solène/Olympe instead, though I was still on dangerous ground since I still wanted precious Lazare with Ronan, and, of course, the show would be better without Ronan. (You’ll note that the VERY FIRST fic I ever published on AO3 was Solène/Olympe. Why? Because I knew it would be a safe option to test the waters. That. And I really did just write it the night before my GRE.) But, at least I wasn’t a Ronan/Olympe shipper, right? I was safely gay. (Biphobia, thy name is fandom.) When I talked about Ronan, I talked about him as gay, I talked shit about Ronan/Olympe whenever I had the chance. All properly tagged, of course, in the proper channels. I’ve never been the sort to actively hurt someone who DID ship it, I just took pains to not associate myself with the Icky Het Ship. When I talked about Ronan, I talked about him as GAY, VERY GAY, not a hint of bisexuality to him. Because if he was bi, that might mean that Ronan/Olympe had a leg to stand on, you see? You’ll note that, to this day, I almost never acknowledge Ronan/Olympe as a thing that HAPPENED in any given fic continuities, because it was so much easier if he simply fell into Lazare’s arms instead. Wiping that little spot clean. And. Well. Here I am. About 5 years after I first got into 1789. And, looking back, I wonder if it was REALLY that bad, or if I just nodded my head because it was easy at the time, since it’s only been in the last year that I really, really began to develop my own spine. (Honestly, props to Marie Antoinette the Musical and, specifically, Morléans as a ship for that one.) For the most part, I’m proud of how far the fandom’s come in the last five years, and I’m proud of the work that I, individually, have done to help get it there, whether it was streams, gifs, or fanfics. But sometimes, I do worry that anyone coming in who ships Ronan/Olympe, like I used to…might feel out of place, and I never want to treat them like I was treated back in the day. 

Do I ship it? Not really. That ship’s sailed for me (I didn’t mean to make that a pun but here we are). I’m fairly firmly Lazare/Ronan and Solène/Olympe (though I’m not as firmly pro-the latter as the former, simply because I REALLY don’t have as much material to go off of there.) Not just because of the old pressure, but just because…looking at it in, say, the French cast…there’s really no chemistry there. At all. The Takarazuka Olympe looks mildly terrified to be in Ronan’s presence at any given moment. I DO actually kind of like it in the Toho production, especially with Teppei Koike and Sayaka Kanda, since the two of them fit together SO naturally and their voices are like two pieces of the same puzzle, but I’m not sure it’s something I’d particularly want to create content for. In fact, when I tried to write Ronan/Lazare/Olympe as an OT3, my HARDEST dynamic to write and justify was Ronan/Olympe. I do think that “La Guerre Pour se Plaire” is a stunning song, musically, it’s probably one of my favorite French musical songs. I do kind of tend to see Ronan as gay, simply because Takarazuka Ronan in particular is………..forceful, to the point that I can see him forcing himself to believe he’s in love with Olympe in order to distract himself from Lazare. I feel like the French cast, while arguably realistic in it showing Ronan/Olympe’s relationship having problems, also shows a couple that, really, beyond the physical attraction, couldn’t have made it work had both of them survived. And I feel like fandom, back in the day, was far too willing to take Olympe’s side over Ronan’s in that dispute, ignoring how Olympe’s own relationship to her side of the conflict is…kind of toxic to her. And while Ronan went about it in an ass-backward way (“I will kill your friends and family! To remind you of my love!”)……..he did make some Points. And Toho Ronan/Olympe, particularly Teppei/Sayaka, are more two kids in love who just want to give it a shot. (Kato Kazuki/Nene Yumesaki were more….forceful, manly hero/prim and proper governess with a spine of steel. Which is OKAY, but not really personally as interesting to me.) I do give the Toho credit for really, really making me see that, okay, it might not be for me, but it CAN work on stage. Mostly. (I still hate that forced kiss.) 

 I will say that there are times where I find myself writing Lazare rather similarly to Olympe in terms of him going through the same feelings of guilt, shame, and duty, and I’m just like “....hm. What have I really changed? Did I just substitute Lazare’s face for Olympe because it was easier? Or copied the existing dynamic and pasted a dude’s face over Olympe’s?” (I do think that there are definitely DIFFERENCES to Olympe VS Lazare, it’s just...eerie in those individual moments.) I do think, at the end of the day, the story of forbidden love during the French Revolution....we’ve HAD it before, in the La Revolution Française musical, and in my opinion it does work best as a queer narrative. And, unfortunately, Ronan/Olympe just...isn’t developed particularly well enough on stage to justify it as an EPIC ROMANCE. 

Overall, I think that I’m fairly settled in my ways at this point, but I also don’t hate it to the extent that I once did. It’ll never be my favorite, I can’t really see them getting married and having kids, and, frankly, the relationship just isn’t as interesting to me as the alternatives since we’ve SEEN it played out on screen, and I can’t really see myself making content for it or really engaging with it in any meaningful way outside of reblogging gifsets/reading fics, but like. I don’t HATE it anymore. I’m neutral to its existence. And, when it comes down to it, I have read fic/engaged in content for it, because, at this point, it’s STILL part of my favorite musical. If I could have done things differently….maybe I would have stayed with it more, for longer. Maybe I’d have written that happy country babyfic (you know. In 18th century France. Where raising babies in the country was so painless). Maybe I’d have gone over to Peyronan earlier and not looked back. Maybe I would have written Ronan more consciously as a bisexual man instead of a gay man. Who knows? Maybe I’m just a tired bitch these days and so am hyper-dissecting everything. But I definitely never want anyone coming into the fandom to think there isn’t a place for them just because they ship Ronan/Olympe. 

Adam in Burn This (6/12)

I saw Burn This again on June 12th and HOO BOY, for this show I’ve got nothing but flail! I think I’ve already worked through most of my critical analyst urges already, so this is gonna be just pure, chaotic Adam fangirling. :’)

The man was robbed of his Tony. Pale is this character who I would absolutely hate on the page or in abstract. But then Adam, the utter jerk, barges and flails his way on stage and makes Pale so human and compelling and just absolutely riveting to watch that hating him becomes physically impossible. I mentioned before how the play functions to make the audience Anna’s proxy (down towards the end of the second section here), and never has that been truer than last night. I literally was Anna, okay. I was repelled and intimidated and scandalized by Pale’s uncontrollable, massive presence; his encroaching, searing physicality; his unpretentious, guileless anger and passions and frenetic creative energy.

One second, you’re watching this massive brickhouse tumble into crying, sniffling pieces so vulnerable and wrecked it could tear your heart out. The next he’s cracking a joke, flirting, cussing, and every single swing is so bracingly authentic that you’re literally pulled to the edge of your seat, unsure if in attraction or revulsion. Either way, you’re along for the wild ride with him every step of the way, feeling the same conflicted and unwilling compulsion towards him Anna is. Pale doesn’t just unwittingly seduce Anna; Adam absorbs every single audience member’s attention like a black hole and before you know it the audience is caring for him even before they have any hope of deciding whether they even like him. (Evidenced by the collective gasp of fear that rises from the audience when Pale, drunk, climbs outside onto a fire escape.) To call him magnetic, electric, a revelation to watch – They’re all woefully inadequate descriptions. He’s a literal inferno, blazing even when he’s silent.

So even though I have yet to reach a personal resolution on whether I accept Pale from an ethical perspective, I am nevertheless complete trash for him because Adam really leaves me no choice in the matter. Damn him. <3

Last night I sat in the upper balcony for the first time, but my friend brought binoculars we passed back and forth (lol, yes really) and I actually saw so many new, detailed nuances to Adam’s acting. I’ll go through the moments that really stood out – though it’s honestly hard to pick because he really is that Extra during the entire damn play.

Act 1

When he puts his leg up on the couch to show Anna how “fucked up” his pants are, then kind of realizes he’s standing there with his leg all weird up on the couch, asking her to look at his pants… Then just smoothly lifts his leg over the table before he lowers it, then makes the coyest face ever at her while he does this slow, deliberate twirl with the most shit-eating look on his face. The audience dies, then he cracks “I coulda been the dancer,” and the audience falls apart again.

The way you can feel his momentum and buzzing energy begin to darken, right before he breaks down completely. When he stops pacing around for the first time and his voice changes, going soft as the guilt and sorrow creeps up on him in the form of physical pain he feels driving straight through his heart. And it’s alarming, when he goes still for the first time.

I swear I’ve never seen him cry so much as last night. Once he broke down, the sniffling was constant, with these utterly, completely broken sounds mixed in whenever he tried to talk.

“Nah, this ain’t me…” “I’m trying to picture him here.”

And he keeps aggressively pushing his hair back while he’s crying, as if he can force the tears away with brute force.

OKAY so watching their first kissing scene through a pair of binoculars was like being personally undressed and ravished, holy god. A bomb could have gone off in the theater and he wouldn’t have looked away from her, he had such consuming focus. When he slides close to her, the first thing he does is slowly lift a hand to touch her hair, his eyes darting between where his fingers brush the strands and her face, gauging her reaction. And then when he leans in so slowly for the kiss, watching her first before his attention shifts to her mouth, and the kiss is slow and deep and….

Yeah I felt things.

From up in the balcony.

Adam’s kissing sex appeal is literally so flaming strong, I felt that heat from the damn balcony. I dare you to show me another man with such raw, intense sex appeal. Go on, I’ll wait. He asks her, “You okay?” when he pulls back, and she says in a sort of daze, “I’m fine.”

….Girl, I feel it too.

AHEM ANYWAY MOVING ON.

And then in the next scene, as if totally oblivious that he’s a literal tornado of sex, he just sweeps out the door with an over-the-shoulder “Alright I’m outta here” and it’s so blasé and masterfully hilarious.

Act 2 When he’s laying on the couch alone, half-asleep, and starts vaguely waving his arm in an attempt to remove invisible blankets. Then, without a single word, he reduces the entire audience to hysterics when he spends a solid two minutes pulling at the collar of his coat in a completely futile effort to take it off. That’s the level acting we’re dealing with here. He’s one-hand fighting his own coat and trying so damn hard and it’s the most entertaining thing of your entire year like WHAT EVEN.

God alsdfjsdlakjf okay when he comes out in the kimono robe and it’s open at first, for like 30 blissful seconds that massive, toned chest is out there to see above those tight black briefs and it is SO MUCH I blacked out and couldn’t even process the sight the first time I saw the play. …. Then he closes the robe, carefully ties it, fights with the sleeves because they clearly aren’t built for massive fuckin arms like his, and in an instant he’s the softest being I’ve ever seen and I’m confused as hell as to how I’m aroused and ‘omg bb’ adoring at the same time??? I think I need therapy? Or Adam needs to stop being massive and sexy but also awkward and soft at the same time, for the sake of my sanity?

I fail to imagine an image that will make my life more than giant Adam in this tiny bright purple silk kimono that barely reaches his thighs, bare foot, tying a dish towel around a pot of tea he just made like a tea cozy, then oh so carefully carrying the tea pot over to the table with his one arm still out of the sleeve and this look of intense focus on his face. I was overwhelmed and could not even begin to name the feels.

Let’s make it even WORSE shall we? When he hands Anna a cup of tea, kisses her forehead twice, says “That tea’s no good for a bad stomach. You want some milk?” then strokes her hair back, then asks “You want some eggs?”

GOD PALE GET OUT WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT

(^ We are all Anna)

The part where he sneakily picks up the phone to eavesdrop on Anna and Burton’s phone conversation, and stays completely silent for a long minute before hilariously bursting out, “YA GOT SOMETHIN’ TO SAY, BRUCE?!” And then AND THEN Anna angrily storms out of the bedroom and the bastard hides his face behind the empty robe sleeve and bats his eyelashes at her and bends at the knees in this cutesy little sorority girl squat and IM….?! “Real cute,” Anna says, trying real hard to be unimpressed, while the audience is in an uproar and everyone’s desperately trying to process all these newfound perplexing Adam Driver feels (WELCOME TO HELL, BITCHES. IT DOESN’T GET BETTER)

Okay okay there are SO many juicy bits during the exchange when Anna’s explaining she wants things to end between them. I was watching through the binoculars and when Anna says, “We’re apples and oranges.” He immediately gets this hella adorable smirk when he goes, “Oh yeah? Who’s the apple and who’s the orange?” Then the smirk grows when he’s all “Ever had an apple tart glazed with marmalade?” And then he’s just grinning because he’s so damn proud of how clever he is and he’s still in the FUCKIN purple kimono and he is ridiculous, I’d hate it if he didn’t own me body and soul.

Then it gets BETTER when he says, “You told me you ain’t been with no one else since you was with me a month ago. Me either. I figure one more time and we’ll have ourselves a hat trick.” And oh my GOD the shit eating grin! He looks at Larry, just grinning like a 5 year old and Larry gives him this hysterical disapproving, unamused shake of his head, but Pale just looks back at Anna full-on sunshine smiling and I’m like WHY ARE U MY PERSONAL BABY

(PS: JJ – That is what we need to see on Ben Solo’s face in TROS. You better deliver!)

He says some of my favorite dialogue here – The bit about “people walking down the street don’t mean a thing they’re doing.” He grows somber here, and this is a portion of the play’s call to its characters to strive for both emotional and artistic authenticity no matter what the price.

And then the scene gets heavy…. He stands up, disappears to get partially dressed, comes out, they start arguing, he’s still determined to make her see what’s clearly between them… And then she drops the definitive bomb over everything: “I don’t like you and I’m frightened of you.”

I watched his face through the binoculars while she delivered the blows, and it was literally like seeing a candle snuffed out. His expression melted like ice – Resolute and hard and determined one moment, and the next moment her words rush over and visibly crush him as the certainty melts from his face and leaves him empty and shell-shocked. Three seconds of silence when nothing moves but the set of his mouth and the light and strength in his face, but you’ve seen a grown man utterly crushed.

Ah, the last scene. In the first performance it was devastatingly, beautifully heartbreaking. In later performances it was humorous even while tragically inevitable. Either way, it’s brilliantly written and exquisitely acted. (Though as I’ve expressed before, I do prefer the more serious, helplessly sad versions.) I’ve never seen the two of them clutch each other as desperately and heart-rendering tenderly as they did in this performance. She fell into him on the couch, and he cradled her entire body to himself – Reaching a hand down to her thigh to pull her across his lap so his arms could engulf her entirely. They rocked together, and she clutched his arms still tighter to herself, and he kissed all over her hair while they made sounds near tears. And then Pale does break open a bit with something approaching a sob, before he curses and objects “I’m gonna cry all over your hair.”

But he only holds her tighter, as if they’ve both lost all conscious control over their bodies at this point, in the face of the all-powerful compulsion drawing them into each other’s orbits. The ending of this performance was absolutely stunning, leaving you with a myriad of unraveled emotions that are at once painfully incomplete and ill-defined, and yet just as bitingly complex and untamable as the most compelling moments of reality.

Over all, it’s nothing short of incredible to see how Adam continuously succeeds in upping his game throughout the course of the play’s run. He already brought the house down at the very first preview, and yet he manages to find new twists and interpretations to embody each and every time. What struck me this time is how boldly natural he’s become in the role – The way he leans into the accent like he’s really spent his entire damn life using the hard edges of the pronunciation like verbal brass knuckles. Adam has gotten to the point where just a single emphasized vowel sound brings the audience to hysterics:

“I heard that mollaaases you were pourin’ over maaam. Needed a shot o’ insulin.”

“Good niiiight, sleep tiiiiight.”

“Drinkin’ and thinkin’, man. Worse than drinkin’ and drivin’.”

“Fuckin’ hate Christmas. Look out… ribbons.”

“Get outta here; You’re useless!”

“Lemon will kill yaaa!”

“That was me and youuu up there.”

He has mastered how to pitch his voice for perfect, killer comedic effect. What’s more is how effortless he makes it seem; How utterly guileless. How he can swing from ugly crying to casual insensitive quip in the span of a minute, and make it just seem like the routine (if highly irregular) over-active synapses of a guy on coke. Even just his body language, the way he paces around the apartment in Act 1, completely out of sorts and out of his depth, like he’s never seen a coat rack or a stove before; A physical embodiment of his discomfiture with the emotions that don’t feel like they belong within him. His presence is imposing and even threatening, and yet his body language is alert and defensive, sometimes even self-flagellate. He embodies so many idiosyncrasies and tensions, it’s easy to see why his emotions burst from him in such tidal, chaotic floods.

I’m so thankful to have tickets to the final performance next month! I shudder to think of the feels I will drown in over how absolutely legend-level powerful Adam’s performance will be at that point. What a talent. What a man. 

I’d be overjoyed to receive any and all questions/thoughts about the play! :) Thanks for reading!

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E40 (November 6, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Marisha Ray and Matt Mercer!

Announcements: 

The next episode of All Work No Play will debut on CR’s twitch channel on Friday at 7 PM Pacific. This week, Liam and Sam are building a custom MAME cabinet, along with Felicia Day and Brittany Walloch!

CR is raising money for Operation Supply Drop!

The second art book will be on sale via pre-order on November 12th at 9 AM Pacific!

There will be an exciting announcement for Critters in the EU going up on social media on Monday.

Stats for this week’s episode:

The 200th PC natural 20 happened this episode: Beau’s acrobatics check to land outside the temple.

Beau has used 90 ki points so far. The top 3 uses of those ki points have been:

Flurry of Blows (25)

Stunning Strike (20)

Patient Defense (19)

At the end of the escape, the party had 6 points of exhaustion and 0 spell slots remaining. Marisha: “I had 10 hit points that whole game.” In typical Beau fashion, she wasn’t telling them anything. Matt points out that this is true of Marisha as well.

Fjord is responsible for 30% of all kisses in campaign 2.

Matt: “Here on Critical Role, we learn how words are actually used. And pronounced.”

A question points out that Beau slept with Keg and the party reached level 6, and Fjord slept with Avantika and the party reached level 7. Matt: “I mean, if you guys want to hit max level real fast...”

Beau’s enjoying the pirate life because of the lack of authority. “It’s what she always dreamed of in her fantasy head as a rebellious teen stuck under her super-strict parents. Matt keeps being like, ‘Do you have goals with this character?’ Yeah, to fuck off.”

The details of the, as the question says, “dank water powers”: cast Control Water as a spell once/day without expending a spell slot. He prepped it as a boon based on who got there first.

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who had the Sonic the Hedgehog drowning music in my head during the underwater fight.

Brian: “I worried about Taliesin more than I did Caduceus. Poor guy. Six characters in this one campaign.” Had the group failed the skill checks, there were opportunities for traps, nets could have been thrown and members of the group could’ve been pulled away by the lizardmen... it could’ve been bad.

Matt figured there was a chance, if Fjord’s underwater grapple on Avantika had succeeded, that he indeed could’ve drowned her, since he could have held his breath much longer than she could, which would have led to a very complicated turn of events. “It caught me off-guard. I wasn’t expecting it from Fjord.”

Brian can’t remember whether Yasha and Beau have actually kissed yet, because he’s seen so much fanart at this point. On the Travis-as-Yasha flirting with Beau moments, Marisha: “I’d say take them with a grain of salt. I’m not going to hold Ashley’s feet to the fire over anything that Travis says puppeting her.” Brian: “I think you should. I think you should make her pay for being gone.” Marisha calls Travis a Shipping Yard. Matt: “It’s that sailor background.” Brian concocts an elaborate scenario where Matt and Travis would have to act out another sex scene. Matt... will think about it.

Gif of the Week: Laura is plotting Travis’ demise.

Matt with a Kiri update: “She’s doing okay in Hupperdook. AS FAR AS YOU KNOW.”

Matt was already exploring the idea of bringing in avatars like the three beasts (as remnants left behind by the gods in Exandrian lore) when worldbuilding. He was building some of these lieutenants up a long time ago. “These three in particular became their own pseudo-gods.” He hadn’t quite figured out the definition of what they were until Travis came along with Fjord’s backstory that slotted in nicely.

Marisha points out that Beau’s relationship with learning is complicated. She’s pretty smart, she’s a seeker of knowledge, but she isn’t comfortable admitting that. “She’s a seeker of knowledge in ways that she’s not fully aware of yet.” Brian calls this “the human heart in conflict with itself” and wonders where she was before and where she’s going to end up. Marisha: “A lot of Beau’s story is about running from something. When you try and buck something, that hard course correction can be worse or just as destructive.” 

Matt: “She’s running from a lot of college debt.” Marisha: “In fact, my arch-villain is Sally Mae. It’s the lich that I’m fighting.” Brian: “I saw the mini out here, yeah.” Matt: “I’ll release the stat block next week, guys.”

Matt thinks Travis would’ve gone for the night with Avantika even if Laura had been there. “There’s that kind of chaotic trickster in him, deep inside.” He wants to make big choices, fundamentally, as he gets more comfortable with the character. Marisha points out how good Laura and Travis are at anticipating and going along with each other’s character choices. Matt: “I was surprised by him going for it, only because my intention of that scene was to find ways to build that power dynamic. It was about trying to get answers, trying to get trust, trying to learn more, and trying to see how much control she can get in those environments. It’s a large part of who she is.” There may have been more to it than that, and Matt’s curious to see how it’ll play out.

Fanart of the Week: the Fjord/Jester kiss.

Matt handles sex scenes based on the comfort level of the group (and himself). While this group is comfortable with there being sex in the game, they’ll definitely go for the fade-to-black approach. “I’m telling a story with people, but not every story needs to be too explicit.” He’s had some bad experiences in the past... Travis’ constitution save was a joke because he hadn’t been at the kind of table that had people who took that seriously and made the rest of the group uncomfortable.

Beau’s still appreciating the power of water from an aesthetic perspective, even after all that’s happened. “It might be more meditative now, having had those experiences.”

Matt on Fluffer-Nutter: “I love players doing non-standard things.”

Matt gets asked how far through the campaign they are. Matt: “I legitimately have no idea." He points out that they’re not even at the level Vox Machina was when they started on-stream yet. They honestly could’ve ended that first campaign at the end of the Conclave Arc, but wanted to continue playing with those characters to level 20. It’s possible that this campaign might feel resolved and a natural ending point might hit before that level. On the other hand, Marisha points out that, 40 episodes in, they’ve only really touched on Fjord’s backstory in particular so far (and so many of their backstories are tied in with the Empire, which is awfully far away now).

Talks Machina After Dark: It’s Sully!!!

Matt gets asked about Sprinkles’ possible fate. Matt: “...spoilers.” Marisha and Dani: “That weasel is so dead.”

Marisha’s dad, a little overwhelmed by what he’s heard of the show so far, calls D&D players “hyper-intelligent creatures from an alien race.” Brian: “That’s just proof he hasn’t met Sam yet.”

Ashley FaceTimes in! She hasn’t had a chance to catch up on the episodes because she’s been working on Thursday nights, but she’s looking forward to it. She confirms that Yasha and Beau haven’t kissed yet, but “there’s still tiiiime.”

Fate Doesn’t Write My Stories pt. 6 - Dreamers

This is a multi-chapter story about MC, and Chris finding their way back together after years of being separated post graduation. Chris’s career takes him to Boston, a city he’d promised was her territory. But it’s not just Chris, fate has seemingly brought the entire Hartfeld crew back together.

NOTE: This is a fictional story based on Pixelberry’s Choices App. *Books The Freshman, The Sophomore, The Junior. I am not affiliated with Pixelberry nor do I own the rights to their original characters.

 Tags @jared2612  @katurrade @annekebbphotography 

The little red light on the bottom left of MC’s ancient laptop began to flash, her battery was dying. Had they really been talking that long? MC grabbed a pen to continue taking notes as she powered down her laptop. She’s really hit it off now with the young athlete and his stories intrigued her. Three hours they’d been talking, shocked the pair of them hadn’t been kicked out of the small coffee shop she looked around her gaze focusing out the bay window she’d looked out before. Her focus was pulled from the conversation as she noticed Chris sitting on a park bench a crossed the street. Her mind began to wonder… had he been there the entire time? MC looked back to Miles as the two of them finished their conversation.

“Thank you again for meeting with me” She thanked him graciously. “I’ll do my best to put out the honest and true version of who you are. The Patriots are lucky to have a player like you.”

Miles nods humbly but doesn't dwell on her praises. “Would you mind if I asked you a question? You don’t have to answer it…” he pauses patiently waiting her response.

“Sure?” she responds cautiously.

“I know nothing about you or your past with Chris, but I do know whatever he did he’s extremely sorry for it. Would you ever think about giving him a second chance?”

Miles inquiry settles in her mind as she looks down to her lap. How was she supposed to tell Miles that Chris had ruined any chance of that when her body was telling her otherwise. After a few uncomfortably long moments MC looks up to Miles. “I have a boyfriend” she gives a simple and childish answer.

“That is the most bullshit excuse..” Miles yells and MC knows it’s true. “I spent 3 hours baring my soul to you MC and the best you give me is ‘I have a boyfriend’. I would have rather you taken my offer not to answer at all” his voice playful now. “Seriously set your boyfriend aside, does my friend” he pauses “Does my best friend, even have a chance with you? Or should I tell him to move on?”

MC takes a deep breath and admits to herself, and the stranger before her something she’d know for the last 4 years. If Chris ever sobered up, if he ever apologized and came back she knew she’d fall for him again. MC’s eyes meet Miles now as she tries to resist the urge to speak the truth. “Yes, he does” she says lightly and shoves her notepad in her purse. Reaching her hand out quickly for a handshake she stands from her seat. “Thank you for the interview, I’ll send you a copy of the article before sending it to publish.” she harshly changes the subject and Miles yet again stops her.

“MC you promised me something in return for this” he reminds her his gaze moving out the bay window to where she’d been looking before.  “That man has waited outside on that bench for 3 hours.” his voice soft, “Him and I drove separately, he’s not out there waiting for me.” Miles looks to her shaking her hand and walking away, as he reaches the door he looks back to the auburn haired writer. “Don’t break your promise to me MC.” his voice serious and almost threatening.

MC stands in the coffee shop her head and heart pounding. She needed to get home she needed to start writing but her moral compass was leading her toward the rusted park bench. “Ughhhh.” she exclaimed while forcing her laptop into her bag out of frustration. She looks out the window, Miles gone and Chris still waiting. She swings her bag over her shoulder and jay walks a crossed the street quickly.

Chris is so focused on whatever he’s reading on his phone he doesn’t even see her coming. He’s startled when her voice fills his ears.

“I keep my promises, whether I want to or not.” her voice stern now as she fights her body’s instincts. “So you wanna talk? This might be your only chance.” MC was straight forward and bold. She’d been burned by this sandy haired boy before and she had truly learned from it. She was independent now, she didn’t need a man anymore, not even Carter.

Chris’s eyes meet hers already apologetic. “Can I walk you somewhere?” Chris asks standing to meet her. “If by the end of it you don’t want to talk again, we don’t have to. I’ll continue to run Miles’s publicity through you but that will be the extent of our communication.”

MC nods one hand resting on the strap of her bag she falls in line next to the man who’d once consumed her every thought. The pair of them walk silently for far too long before Chris realizes he’s missing out on time with her.

“You look great” he starts and immediately regrets his choice in words. “Not that you didn’t before MC.” his eyes fall to the ground as he leads her up the street. “I’m an open book now and I want you to ask me anything… I’ll answer. You deserve answers.”

MC looks to him but his eyes never leave the ground. She studies his face and feels worry radiating off of him. Four years ago she would have used this opportunity to yell about anything but now she only had a few questions. “Was it hard? Your recovery? Was it hard?”

Chris looks over at her shocked and for the first time in four years their eyes finally meet. He mindlessly studies the hazel coloring and she focuses on the once comforting blue. He’s shocked that out of everything she could ask her question was about him, about his healing. He’s taken back but he does his best to answer honestly.

“It took a year to truly snap out of it” he recalls “I moved back home and for the sake of my siblings my mom cut me off of everything. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. The pain and headaches, detoxing it was all horrible. Having to face my sister knowing that she knew I wasn’t truly myself anymore, that was harder. I couldn’t be the brother she’d looked up too... It was around Christmas that year that I finally started to find myself again, I worked for a Christmas Tree lot. I spent a lot of time chopping, wrapping and driving trees around. That time alone in the cold was what truly healed me. By March I’d finally stopped craving alcohol though it still tempts me even today. I haven’t had a drop since that March.” he answers with a hint of pride. “It was the longest year of my life though there were a few small victories. Almost a year to the date of the crash I won the lawsuit against the driver. He was jailed  and I came into enough money to get me back on my feet.”

MC analyzes his response, “I’m happy for you Chris.” she says softly almost hoping he wouldn’t hear it. “How’d you end up working with Miles?” she questions avoiding the subject of their demise at all.

“My recruiter from the Eagles, he met with me in August of the following year. He was very good to me when he didn’t need to be. He said he saw promise in me not just in my sports talent but my business talent as well. He offered me a job to assist him for a year, try my hand at the business side of the NFL.” Chris laughs, “It was the closest I’d been to a football field in over a year and I loved it. After my year I got a couple recommendations and a coworker Jonathan asked me to move with him to co manage a new player for the Seahawks. While Jonathan quit halfway through the season Miles asked me to stay and I can’t imagine turning my back on him now. He’s frustrating, but he’s also wise beyond his years.”  

MC doesn’t respond this time allowing silence to fall over them again. She begins to recognize the streets they were walking down. She didn’t know what exactly he was playing at but he was leading her to Harvard. They enter through an opening in one of the gates and they begin to walk through the connected courtyards surrounding the old stone buildings. MC knew this campus as if she’d attended here. She toured the school three separate times in high school.  Chris leads her to the cement steps outside of the Widener Library. They sit next to each other sharing a step near the top in the shade. MC is uncertain of why he’d lead her hear, but her heart knew he had deeper intentions behind the choice.

“I know this place means a lot to you.” Chris begins knowing now he’ll be entering treacherous grounds. “I don’t want to ruin it by talking to you here but I need you to know a few things.” he looks over at her trying his hardest not to break eye contact no matter how truthful he became. “The biggest mistake I have ever made was letting you go. I had convinced myself that you would be better off without me. And you have been, you’ve built a life for yourself. But that Christmas I realized how much I really missed you. I knew you’d never forgive me so I had to live without you. I tried dating” he laughs “None of them worked out… in fact some of them were completely disastrous.” he chuckles at the memories running through his head. “None of them were you.”

“Chris…” MC begins but doesn't know how to continue. Her mind wanted to scream and yell and remind him of the pain he’d put her through but her heart and her gut wanted to hug him to remind him of what her embrace felt like. She’d never really felt this type of conflict before.

“I just want you to know that you’re the only girl for me. I’m sure I could fool myself into loving someone else, but deep down I know they wouldn't be you. Regardless I made my bed and I fully intend to lie in it. I let you go and that was my mistake.” he moves his eyes from her proud yet saddened by his confession. Looking at his fidgeting hands in his lap now he speaks again. “Harvard was your dream, and NFL was mine. While neither of us truly accomplished those dreams they are still apart of us. It’s my hope that in the last four years you haven’t stopped dreaming. I hope that you still wear your Harvard sweatshirt from your Jr. High years whenever you get cold at night. I was truly unlucky to not be there to share the past few years with you but it is my strongest hope that you will let me share the next few. Maybe not by your side but as your friend and truly as one of your biggest fans.”

MC boldly moves her right hand over his and slides her left hand to his cheek to lift his eyes to her. “You broke me.” She admits her eyes full of pain. She watches the pain transfer to his eyes though he doesn’t look away. “And I would love nothing more than to let you in, to let you fix this. But I’ve changed and unlike you I have fallen in love again.” she lies now, she’s using Carter as an excuse not to open up. MC loved Carter but knew she would never be with him forever. She selfishly kept him around.

“Friends then?” Chris questions.

MC flashes him a smile “Friends” she agrees.

The two of them wandered the campus for hours stopping at bookstores, coffee shops and gift shops as they caught up. Chris shares the stories of a few disastrous dates and MC shares about her promiscuous roommate Molly. They laugh about both of them avoiding Becca’s wedding in fear of seeing each other. The sun has gone down now and MC has lost all her writing time and forgotten her promise to celebrate with Carter. The two of them finally approach her apartment building and she turns to say goodbye. “Chris, Kaitlyn has a concert here in Boston tomorrow night. Zack, Becca and I are all going… you should join us.” she offers.

“I wouldn’t miss it” he nods and takes a step backwards down the steps leading toward her door.

“Wait!” MC says reluctant again to say goodbye. She follows his movements down the step and kisses his cheek softly, lingering longer than she should have. “It’s good to have you back.” she admits before turning inside quickly.

I’d like to talk about Nathan Drake and how I think he’s gay (and other things)

I will preface this with the fact that I have not yet played Lost legacy (and I’m not likely to play golden abyss...), and I also have not interacted much with interviews/fan theories/fan analyzations or anything like that. I’m kinda just typing my opinions out. I’ve just played the four games and thought about it a lot. 

I would love it for people to interact and respond-- I’d love some second opinions on anything I post. This post won’t get graphic, but it will mention inner turmoil and canon-typical violence. (and like, I’m talking about the marriage a bit too)

1823 words 

“I learned the past is not the past, a lump of time you can quarantine and forget about, but a reel of film in your brain that keeps rolling, spooling and unspooling itself regardless of whether or not you are watching it.”

--Nick White How to Survive a Summer

First of all

This is just my homely opinion, but in the first Uncharted game, Nathan Drake is some kind of a douche. Uncharted 2 is such an upgrade in several ways, and that includes an upgrade in Nathan’s character. I won’t rant too long, but I am certainly glad they fixed all that. Drake was an asshole who only cared for treasure, and he barely even flinched at Sully’s death and was ready to “beat sully’s ass” upon rescuing him. But whatevs, I won’t criticize too much since it was the first game and they might not have had the characters pinned down yet. A rough start to one of my favorite game series, and one that I will pretty much disregard in this post. If this seems harsh... I’m sorry. 

The Marriage between Elena and Nathan

We should all rename Uncharted Everyone is a dick to Nathan and Nathan is sometimes a dick to Elena

If you’re into mystic messenger and you read my only other post on this blog, you’ll know that I have... a couple thoughts on love and what it all means anyway. I want to start this off by saying I love both Nathan and Elena very much! They are truly great characters that I admire and adore. Despite this, their relationship just isn’t something I can believe in. A lot of their relationship progress is done in between games, which kinda makes the audience a little unable to gauge like, what the fuck is going on. 

somewhere between Game one and two, the pair is dating. By the time we get to Uncharted 2, though, it’s clearly and on-again-off-again kinda thing. We also meet Chloe, Nathan’s.... pal from the past (?). He risks a lot to save her, but I get the impression that the feelings he had for her were not as serious as the ones he has for Elena. I know it was supposed to be presented as a love triangle, but it just didn’t feel like it. Nathan and Chloe both kinda seemed like they weren’t at all interested in pursuing each other seriously. I honestly kind of appreciated this; Instead of the cliche fight between the women, Elena and Chloe seemed to get along in the end, despite some tension. 

Between the second game and the third game Elena and Nathan got married (1)(wait what?) and split up again. I don’t know if they were actually divorced or just separated, but the point is that they aren’t together by the time the third game begins. Finally, between the third game and the fourth game, They are living the domestic lifestyle. They both have legal jobs where they don’t have to kill anyone and they can make it home for dinner. Seems perfect.

Or at least, it would seem perfect if I thought it would last at all. Nathan hasn’t really had a significant relationship with any woman like. ever? (2). On-again-off-again means that they have to go off again at some point. If you pay some attention to dialogue it’s obvious that it’s Nate that breaks it off each time, or he at least he initiates it. When he lies to Elena in the fourth game, she admits that she almost didn’t come to save him. I have a shit ton of empathy and let me tell you that dynamic drove me buckwild I almost couldn't stand it. When Elena confronts Nathan in the hotel room and Nathan sent both Elena and sully away, I wanted to scream. (3) (what are you doing Nate these people love you)

It is also in this scene that we are reminded that Elena doesn’t know about Sam-- at all. That is... an insanely huge part of Nathan’s past, and he just never brought it up? Do they talk about anything at all? For many of Nathan’s formative years, he had to lie about his identity (and likely other things), so I get why Lying would be a tough-to-break habit for him, but Elena is his wife. Just how well do they know each other?

The on-again-off-again dynamic is not stable enough for a serious relationship, and certainly not a marriage (4). And like I said earlier, Nathan is the initiator in the break offs each time. What is he running from? A very supportive wife? I think it’s more than that.  From an outside viewpoint, Elena seems like... the perfect wife for Nate. She is supportive and she’s pretty much ready for action. But for some reason, Nate wants to leave her out of his adventures (5). I don’t think Nathan dislikes Elena; I think Nathan just isn’t romantically interested in her. Trying to force himself into a marriage because he knows that’s what charming guys such as himself are supposed to do, right? (6) Him forcing himself into a relationship he doesn’t want would make sense for him to feel a lot of disconnect. He spends a lot of time trying to get away, not because he truly dislikes Elena as a person, but because he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t feel as into her as he thinks he should (that sentence was a mouthful). 

I will say that, as a story, uncharted has been pretty mean to Elena. It is a story so thats not problematic or anything, but I do hope she can find what she needs. She needs someone to support her as much as she will support them, and she needs someone who will offer some stability. She likes Nathan, but he isn’t very suited to the life she wants/ 

Nathan Drake a Psychopath?

Yeah, I get it. Nathan kills hundreds or thousands of people and he doesn’t even feel bad about it, which might make him a psychopath which might explain his  behavior. I have some groundbreaking information to explain how he kills so many people without the guilt crushing him and that is that... this is a bideo game. bidya games be like “kill people” and you just do it. Nathan Drake could certainly have some mental health issues, but I don’t think the combat portion of the games should be considered when evaluating his health. His character as it is written has empathy, even going as far as attempting to save Marlowe in the third game. Combat is just expected in games. Although it might have been neato dorito if the game got into how Nate was coping with all that killing, I think we can just say “its bidya games” and move on. 

Dad? Papa? Father??

I already hate this section of the post, but If I was (shitty bitch) Freud I would point out the fact that Nathan uh Defo has some mom/dad issues, and suddenly the Beautiful, capable, caring, morally gray Victor Sullivan swoops in to be Nate’s New Dad ™ and it would be normal for Nathan to have some weird feelings for Sully. But whatever that’s just Freud's take on the matter (although I won’t deny that the Drake’s prolly got parent issues). moving on. 

Internal Turmoil

Nathan Drake throws himself in fatal danger and puts himself in incredibly difficult situations that have a tendency to just get worse. And he keeps doing this. This alone looks like a man just wracked with internal conflict. It would make sense for him to go on these physically taxing expeditions for treasure if he was insecure in his sexuality. Why would Nathan Drake be insecure though?  He’s charming, smart, strong, handsome, and funny. It’s not like he has to beg to get laid. He has no reason to feel this insecurity-- unless it was men he was interested in, not women. 

I don’t think It would be a stretch to suggest that Nathan “I never had any parents, really” Drake would have some troubles with learning how to navigate his own emotions. By the time he meets Dad Replacement 6000 (aka Sully), Nathan is already like, 15. That boy needed a parent years ago. 

When Uncharted introduces Chloe to us in the second game, Nathan really just doesn’t seem to be into her. The scene in the hotel-- he was just kinda going along with it. He “kinda goes along with” a lot of stuff. To me, he seems like someone insecure, not only in his sexuality but also his ability to make choices for himself. When a woman makes a move on him, he just kinda... goes with it. Elena comes back for him even though he breaks it off repeatedly. I’m sure to him this is the support he desperately needs. So logically he should reward her with uhhhhhh marriage? 

Harry Flynn

yeah he’s a bastard but don't even act like this scene didn’t have some gay subtext  “buy me a drink, sailor!” that's flirting babes. Nathan was so happy to see Flynn. 

Cassie Drake

whether Nathan is gay or not-- I still don’t believe in his marriage to Elena. I really love that Naughty Dog stuffed uncharted 4 with as many ladies as possible-- all the way down to Nathan’s sweet daughter. But seriously I hope Cassie’s upbringing is as cushy as it seems. Like I hope her parents are stable enough. 

But also like I have so many mixed feelings about her existence. Kids aren’t relationship bandaids (... or at least they shouldn’t be). 

I still have a lot I want to say about Nathan Drake (esp when thinking about Sam). The Uncharted Series has really done a lot to subvert some tropes in the adventure-type genre (imo anyway). And I’m not gonna scream and yell. I just think there's a lot of evidence to support Gay Nathan Drake. Of course, This could legitimately all be projecting. I love Nathan’s Character a ton!  

I wrote this all in one setting, so if it’s badly written or repetitive or.... whatever, please forgive me. I’d love some interaction! tell me what you’re thinking! 

1) are they married or engaged? I can’t remember....

2)that we know of blah blah

3) I might be being a bit too impassioned 

4) I’ve been rewatching Bojack so I am reminded of the bojack/pc dynamic (although its not a perfect parallel by any means), and in the show it’s clear to anyone that while bj and pc depend on each other, the game they are playing isn’t good for either of them (esp not for pc). Elena and Nathan can harbor affection for each other all they want-- but Elena can’t do this anymore. 

5) “wuh wuh he’s protecting her” im sorry but that’s bullshit-- she can hold her own, and he’s pretty quick to come to terms with her tagging along when she pops up each game. 

6)IT’S POSSIBLE that i’m just projecting and i just wish he was gay, but like, seriousliy? sersreoopsily? I have at least SOME support for my claims.

(1/3) Do you have any resources or advice for writing about a ruler who has multiple wives? I have an idea for a book where the MCs father married the daughters of the kings of three neighboring kingdoms with the idea that while the heir might not be of the blood of all of them if they are raised together with their half blood siblings and by their step-mothers they will view all four kingdoms as being home. In addition, the first three children besides the main heir will, regardless of gender

(2/3) will either be heir to their mother's respective kingdoms if there isn't already one or will be added to the line of succession and given advisory roles to their oldest sibling. Basically, regardless of which child sits on the main throne their will have strong ties to the neighboring kingdoms creating a coalition through blood as well as treaties. The wives will have equal power to the king but, I'm more than a bit concerned that no matter how I right them the very act of making the three(3/3) queens sister wives will make the whole thing extremely misogynistic or at the very least I will be accused of insulting middle eastern/Indian culture by either unintentionally using racist/bigoted tropes or just being plain ignorant about the subject. I have tried looking for information of the subject but, I've had a hard time finding information that isn't written with a western bias or isn't flat out porn so any help you guys can give me would be much appreciated.

Werew

I’m sorry it took so long you get to your question, nonnie! As it’s a delicate subject, I wanted to attempt to do it justice, and it took a little longer than most!

Disclaimer: I am not polyamorous, Have only some background knowledge about this, and I am in no way an authority. Nonetheless, here are some thoughts that I have about this situation. Though the arrangement sounds like a great idea to promote peace and prosperity between the kingdoms, it also, at face value, dings all my 'implausible' alarms. In order for this situation to have arisen peacefully, it seems like the kingdoms will need to be such close friends/neighbors/allies that they are all chill with this arrangement and its ability to bring them closer together politically... and even the possibility that this single, highly powerful family that has been formed will one day just straight up decide to amalgamate the kingdoms. Most nations are separate from their neighbors because there are inherent cultural, ideological, etc differences between them, and even if they like their neighbors, most sovereign nations are not going to be chill with the possibility of one day being dissolved into another nation. I'm not saying that the situation is impossible, but I do think that you need to answer the following questions in order to make it seem plausible:What event or events have made these nations so friendly? Were they once part of a singular entity, and if so, do they still share most of the same culture? If they're culturally close enough to potentially tolerate a merger, why aren't they already one nation? If they were ever one, why did they split? Is there an outside force for them to unite against that makes their differences seem minor? Do they still have quibbles in spite of their friendly status?Or, if the above questions don't seem like the situation that you want:What events lead to the king with the three wives being in his position of greater power? Were the other kingdoms forced to cooperate with this arrangement? Are there forces threatening to tear it apart, or forces threatening them all if they don't somehow force themselves to work together? What are the opinions about this among the other three nations' courts, and how do they differ from one another?Basically, what I'm getting at is this: I don't see this marital situation as being entirely impossible, but it doesn't sound to me like something that a bunch of kingdoms are just going to arbitrarily agree to unless there are some major forces at play that make this alliance more appealing than the alternatives. Though simply marrying off some daughters to the same guy won't immediately grant him a significant amount of power, because of the potential for his children to inherit other thrones, there's a chance down the road that one or more of these kingdoms could essentially forfeit their sovereignty by agreeing to this. Generally, different nations have their own interests to look after, and even if none of those interests are cruel, or corrupt, or overly greedy, they are still going to conflict in some ways just because each kingdom's situation (resources, population, requirements, etc) is going to be different. It is normally in a nation's interest to keep sovereignty so that nothing in their borders can be controlled by an outside force and they cannot be forced into a disadvantageous situation.For this reason, if I were to read this book, I would be disappointed if there wasn't any tension created by this marital situation, or by the reasons for it in the first place.Now, on to the more personal situation of the royal family: again, I don't think it's impossible for this to be a happy, advantageous marriage for all of them, I just think that it's implausible and that, like with the political situation, you're going to have to do a little work in order to make it believable.

This is definitely a political marriage, and it’s up to you whether you want it to remain strictly political or include some degree of romance between the king and the wives.

Having multiple people involved in a romantic relationship, in a political marriage, or in a marriage that is some of both is going to require a lot of careful thought, and there are going to be a lot of dynamics at play--and this complexity will only increase as the number of children increases. First of all, it seems unlikely that the king and all of his wives consider this to be the best possible situation for them personally and romantically. Maybe one or more of them is happiest in a polya relationship, but maybe one or more of them would 100% prefer a monogamous relationship. Maybe they don't all love each other romantically, but cooperate in a friendly manner for the sake of the children and their various kingdoms.

Also, think about how they solve conflicts between themselves, whether personal or political. Having a ruling duo can result in the rulers being on opposite sides of a political issue, or even just at odds because of a fight they’ve had recently. The opportunities for conflict multiply when there are four people involved.

What I'm getting at is something like this: if I read this book and all three wives saw each other as friends/sisters, each loved the king, he loved them all back, and they all lived happy, carefree lives... I would probably throw the book across the room. I think that it is unlikely that all of the wives will be in this for the romance, definitely not above all. Maybe they all get along, all live pretty happily, and all see each other as family... but keep in mind that their different personalities (reinforced by different cultural backgrounds) will mean that between any two members of this marriage, there will be a completely unique dynamic. I would be much happier if, instead of the above example, any number of these situations was the case:

The king had a favorite or at least a certain amount of preference between his wives.

Two or more of the wives had romantic and/or sexual attachments to each other

At least one dynamic between them is purely political; maybe one wife has no romantic feelings for the husband but agreed to the marriage for other reasons

One or more of these people are unhappy about some aspect of their lives pertaining to the marriage.

This is not to say that I don't think that happiness is possible among these four people; I just don't think that it will be easy and natural, I don’t think they will all have the same views about their relationship, and I don't think it's likely that they were all 100% down for this marriage before it happened. Because of the political nature of this marriage, one or more of them might not have had a choice. One or more of them might have had a choice, but their decision was based entirely on political factors or some other logical reason rather than an emotional one.Keep in mind that different people will want different things in life. One wife might be uninterested in being in power, but is happy when she and her children are well taken care of. One wife might be interested in nothing other than running the country, and her main reason for having children is to further her own position. One might be in love with the king. One might be in love with one of the other wives. One might be aromantic or asexual or both, and is happy in a loveless marriage because it provides other things in life. Any of the things I just listed could also apply to the king instead.

As for whether this is inherently misogynistic... my honest answer would have to be “I’m not sure.” With your situation as it stands, there is no getting around the fact that the king holds more power than his wives, but I think that with some context, you can reduce the implications of this. If you mention a historical example of a queen having power and having multiple spouses/consorts (male or female) to show that this situation is not purely patriarchal, that might have the effect that you’re wanting. I would suggest changing one or more of the wives into a husband instead--but if that person is cis, that would remove their ability to have biological children and might get in the way of the point of the marriage in the first place. Having a trans man as one of the king’s spouses might have the effect you’re looking for, but I am honestly not sure whether having a trans character in that situation would be invalidating of that person’s identity; I suspect it would depend heavily on how you present it.

I highly recommend going to @scriptlgbt with your question and further questions you may have about representation; even if you choose not to make any of the possible changes that I have listed, your original situation at least has things in common with polyamorous relationships, which they are able to discuss with a lot more knowledge than I am.

Also, keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with having misogynistic elements and situations in your story, as long as you address them as such. Having a perfect situation can make your story less interesting than some good conflict and tension over inherent issues present in the system. There is a difference between having the characters hold certain beliefs, and condoning them as the author. Depending on what POV you write from and your style, it can be fairly easy to make it clear that the characters’ views are not correct.

@scripttorture had some more background knowledge on this subject than I did, and had the following suggestions: “I think that jumping just to modern polya relationships might not........cover it exactly. I know that multiple partners was a big thing in Western Africa, China and the Ottoman Empire. The Ottoman Empire would probably be easiest to find stuff on and the West African stuff I know most about is errrrrrrrr complicated in that the King could have several thousand 'wives' most of whom were basically just the female branch of the army. Reading through the question in its entirety it actually screams 'Ghana' to me, which had both polygamy and matrilineal inheritance. I can't think of a book title off the top of my head but Yaa Asantewaa the Queen Mother who led the Ashanti army against the British might be a good person to look up.”

I'm sorry for the length of this reply and the rambliness of it, but I hope that my reasoning makes sense and helps you to write your story a little better!

Ep 9 | I’d Rather Make Moves When I Need To - Emma

Okay, I am so sad Brandi is gone, but at the same time, it's not the worst thing for my game.  The good part of it is that we tried to make a move on Emma, we flushed an idol, and we weren't detected. I think this twist is actually super helpful in these moments because if you try something, and it fails, no one knows unless it gets leaked.

Another good thing is that Taylor's closest ally is now gone. I know that Taylor is super close with Ari, which is good, but I also want her to be super close with me. Not just for strategy reasons. She's also super cool and I like talking to her! Apparently she did tell JABARI of all people the vote was on Emma, so no wonder they knew how to idol tonight lmao.

Idk I feel pretty okay about my position in the game playing the middle rn I just need to not spread myself too thin and keep the targets in front of me. 

Soooo Tribal went off without a single hitch. brandi went home despite playing both of her advantages and Jacob wasn’t even near getting voted out. The main clownery of the night happened right after tribal. Ali started going on about how he felt like Brandi didn’t deserve to go home, when there were people currently in the game who didn’t care. If you think she deserved to stay, maybe you should’ve given her your immunity? Or better yet, volunteered to go home? And while we’re on the topic of who cares, haven’t you either flopped in or just not submitted in multiple challenges? Since I was still on the tribal call, I asked him who he was talking about, even though I kind of had a good idea of who it was already. He said Emma. and since Emma wasn’t there, we are aligned, and I know she was going through some things, I felt the need to stick up for her. I found it pretty disrespectful that Ali would say that so it did make me a bit mad. I of course alerted Emma right after it happened because I feel like she deserve to know, and she confronted Ali about it in the call after tribal. I’m sure everyone knows Emma and I are working together now, but I couldn’t let her be dragged through the mud like that. I’m really worried Ali and Taylor, who I know are aligned, will try to target me now. I understand where Ali was coming from though. I’m also a person who is driven by my emotions and I tend to say stuff without thinking about it first.

WELL all things considered that vote went pretty alright! i didn't manage to mist emma into using an idol for jacob so they could get blindsided, but other than that, things worked out pretty much how i hoped. jacob was saved, an idol (and lots of money) was flushed, and i can plausibly tell both sides that i voted with them even tho actually i voted ali for insurance purposes >:~) also we got major info about the location of the other idol when brandi didn't play it and it didn't go back into the shop, i.e. jabari MUST have it because there's no other possible place it could be. i know none of my people have it, and nic was so convinced that me/jacob did that i have to believe none of that group have it either, which leaves little old jabari who's been asking soooo many questions about everyone's funds and where items could possibly be. color me a little shocked but honestly kudos to her! now she gets to stay alive another round since that gun is an idol again.

other shop updates are that taylor's gonna buy something next round and so is dan probably, which will be great for getting them out of other people's hands and knowing for sure where they are. i can't believe i own shares in 2 of the 3 items currently in the game, how cute of me honestly. everyone else is now broke so that's delightful, i prob should've extorted myself for even more money so they'd think i was fully broke too but ah well what can you do.

i am a little worried about how ali's antics last night could potentially reflect back on me this round but i think i've done a pretty good job of covering my tracks there - i talked to both nic and emma immediately after and was like yeah i don't condone that behavior, and josh knows i wanted ali out over jacob because i got him to throw a vote that way with me, and obviously none of taylor/dan/jacob are gonna let me get targeted for that either sooooo i think i'm all good. once again, jabari is a wild card but i think i trust her a little more after my call with her yesterday and i don't think she would have the pull to do anything anyway.

so at last i can have a day of peaceful rest while i await these awful touchy subjects results! me taylor and ali are making a music video so that'll keep me busy for a while. overall feeling very grateful and blessed to not be stressed at this current moment in time!!!

Not mr ali making me regret voting off brandi out should of been ali oh well no point in voting him out now tbh that would be a waste things i think are slowly getting better for me i am talking to jacob and ari more idk how to approach taylor because ik we on different sides but ik we may or may not need eachother soon i feel so bad about brandi she was probably the nicest person here i said this about megs but brandi for second chances.. Yeah i just need to think of something that will seperate my gameplay from josh and nic if im stuck with them eventually that means i could get myself voted off its hard to like make moves rn but i rather make moves when i need to make moves.

also maybe ali should of put his immunity on brandi and not ari >:)

i also hope i break the record for most wasted idols im coming for that record im also so nervous about the future of the game i dont wanna just follow ppl around but like i kinda fucked myself over due to reasons out of my control oop

I just sent my nightly hellos to people and that’s already too much social interaction for me

I’m already fricken paranoid about this round and we haven’t even gotten immunity results ugh. I think it’s because I know I flipped that mastermind comp. like I really could have done much better than I did.

Additionally everyone was so quiet today so I’m just assuming everyone hates me and wants me to die. 

am i playing a good utr game or do people just forget i exist? i've got a lot of good (but conflicting) info from Dan and Taylor and I want to sit down and compare notes with Ari BUT WHERE ARE THEY you can't expect me to remember all this by tomorrow. I feel like I have somewhat of a good relationship with everyone aside from Ali and Jabari and I feel like I've gotten a few info that I find personally relevant moving forward but I need someone to compare this with. I think I'm playing a much more smarter game than before.

[Tumblr Survivor Riau reference] I feel like I was in a position like this before where I had the opportunity to play a good game being in the middle but fucked it up and sent one of my allies home because I was vetoed by my actual alliance [end Tumblr Survivor reference] so I'm doing the same thing this time around but keeping my sources a secret. The only person I am 100% honest is Ari and I hope it's mutual. I obviously can't take Ari with me to FTC but what I need the most are honest opinions and legit information and i think both of us are providing just that with each other.

ali needs to stop saying dumb shit to nic because it ALWAYS gets back to dan and i have to be like "omg lol im sure he didnt mean that" while running to ali and being like "hushhhhhh"

anyway i think the best thing i can do today is sit back and let everyone else tire themselves out scrambling and stressing!! it'll all resolve itself eventually and if it doesnt then oh well

I wasn't going to be making a confessional because I didn't wanna get an OTTN5 edit and also I felt like it was obvious I was going home and I had nothing to really say. There is a tiny bit of hope now, and it lies with Jabari and Dan. If everyone is telling me the truth, I will be staying. And if I do, I'd love to create a 5-person majority alliance with me, Dan, Jabari, Emma, and Josh. It'd honestly be perfect. I really like them all and am comfortable with them all.

If I go home, I wont be mad or anything, I'll just be sad that I didn't really come across the way I had hoped to in this ORG. I feel like a lot of things didn't come across correctly, and a lot of things were just pinned on me that were outside of my control.

Oh well. Let me remain positive. This is me being positive :] (Also I'm forever thankful for having Josh and Emma as allies without them I would've gone crazy by now. Thank you for everything you do.)

Power Rankings: ONE - DAN (+2) Threat: 8 (+2) Trust: 8 (+3) Dan’s at the top of the rankings this week because he’s in the position that I wish I were in. Despite losing Brandi, who was Dan’s #1 idled out by the minority alliance, he still was approached by the minority to vote with them. He knows each plan and he can decide whether he wants to flip or not. He decides who goes home this round. TWO - ARI (-1) Threat: 10 (+1) Trust: 9 (+1) Ari ranks #2 because they know everything that’s going on and they know it first. They’re the first to hear about any messiness or change to a plan. They aren’t included in it necessarily, but they hear about it. Ari’s threat level though is through the roof and hiding behind them as a meat shield is going to be key for my game. They should want to take a shot at Ari before me, and I plan to keep it that way. THREE - TAYLOR (-1) Threat: 7 (NC) Im starting to lose grasp and hold on my power as more of my allies leave. If the minority perception and gameplay wasn’t so awful I would have a lot more control over what goes on this round. Its just bad survivor gameplay to assume someone would never work with you because you voted their allies out. Because what they fail to see is that regardless of if im included in their plans or not, I still find out. I had 3 different people approach me that me name was out as I woke up at 9am this morning. It shows I have control, I just wish they’d include me so I had the power to deal with it rather than relying on others. FOUR - JABARI (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 2 (-2) Jabari is here because she seems to want to give the minority.a chance. I don’t really understand her logic because regardless she’s at the bottom of an alliance. The one round where the majority wanted to count on her to prove she’s with us, she jumps. And she doesn’t even know that she’s completely fucking her game because of it. On top of that every suspects she has an idol. She only ranks 4 because of the information she is receiving, but she’s no threat because her gameplay is poor and everyone believes the rumour of her having an idol. FIVE - JACOB (+1) Threat: 7 (+1) Trust: 8 (NC) Jacob does know what each side is going to do, but unfortunately hes always the last to find out. Im not sure if its because of how late he sleeps in, or if hes everyones last resort but either way it’s not good for his power ranking. Jacob’s smart, hes going to be seen as an immunity threat sooner rather than later. SIX - NIC (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 0 (NC) Nic is in 6th because hes the only one trying to steer a vote on the other side. He isn’t doing it successfully, but hes trying. If only he could put as much effort into challenges and he would trying to get people to save him. I dont trust him at all, he threw my name out. He has a little influence over Jabari, but that’s not too big of a success. SEVEN - ALI (-2) 
Threat: 1 (-2) Trust: 9 (-1) Ali unfortunately just doesn’t have the power he needs to get himself out of situations like he is in this round. When the name was between Ali and I it should have easily landed on me. But Ali doesn’t have the social capital that I do, which is why I had multiple people tell that side “lets do Ali over Taylor”. Not to mention Ali made a hugeeee mistake buying the dress for literally no reason. But I trust him I guess? EIGHT - JOSH (NC) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 5 (+2) Im starting to see a little fire with josh come out this round and im happy. Hes not willing to do anything about it, but the gears are turning in his head. I think our relationship will be important down the line but as of now he has no power and just follows everything Nic says. NINE - EMMA (NC) Threat: 0 (NC) Trust: 0 (NC) I literally don’t have anything to say about Emma. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t do the challenge, doesn’t care. Not worth my time.

I feel like im not winning this game unless if nic goes and josh goes right after idk im feeling a bit bad how im playing i was planning to go balls to the wall but like i find it really hard to do that when i am a known goat for something i could not control i try hard to change what people to see but idk how to do it anymore im totally not gonna stab josh and nic in the back at this point i just cant write their names down.

This vote is for all of the victims of the people that nic has voted off, nic is going home I know of it. All he's been doing has been working against me and for that ciao Bella 

GOD. What a day. I was pulled back and forth about this vote by both sides and this vote.

Ari/Jacob/Ali/Taylor want me to vote Nic Jabari/Nic/Josh/Emma want me to vote Ali

Neither option is ✨great✨ for my game. But we can’t vote out Jabari for personal reasons so here we are.

I’m worried about idols and such, but at the end of the day, I can’t get too in my head. If the idol comes out as long as they don’t end up voting for me instead of Ali... we’re good!

I’m voting for Nic because I don’t fuck with people who try to make you feel like you’re gonna lose if you don’t roll with them.  Even on OG Pearl he didn’t take a ton of time to get to know me and even now all he wants to do is talk game. In comparison, TSL has known me two rounds and I know so much about her.

Obviously voting out ANOTHER OG Pearl probably isn’t wise, but at the end of the day, New Pearl and OG Beeho seem to be the people I bond with the most and trust the most. And I might be dumb, but I am enjoying their company and would be proud losing to any of them. 

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #189 - Spy

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #358

Format: Blu-ray

1) So the movie starts by introducing us to a sort of typical white guy spy. A James Bond type, but without the British accent (for some reason). It starts with the familiar, the usual tropes, before really fucking them over when Jude Law (who for some reason is trying to do an American accent and he’s not doing it well) sneezes and accidentally kills a guy.

Which is an excellent joke to introduce is into the film’s wonderfully strong sense of humor. If you think you know how a trope is going to play out, you’re probably wrong. In fact, the entire opening sequence is a strong representative of how the film blends quality action with quality humor which will be consistent throughout the film.

2) Melissa McCarthy as Susan Cooper.

McCarthy is the foundation on which the rest of the film is built. From the very first minute we spend with her character she is established as not only good at her job but incredible at it. It is easy in spy spoofs for the main spy to be a bumbling idiot, but Susan’s continued competence is in fact one of the key factors which makes this film as incredible as it is. Especially considering the fact she does have some insecurities at the beginning, insecurities which are largely unfounded because she is fucking good at her job. McCarthy is able to have incredible warmth, heart, and vulnerability as Susan which she doesn’t always show in her film roles. But also when the script calls for it she can have this amazing brashness and humorous loudmouth/angry quality. Susan goes through an incredible transformation from the moment we meet her to the moment we leave her and McCarthy is able to play that absolutely perfectly. It’s HER story, it’s HER movie, and we are just along for the ride in an amazing way.

3) “Who Else Can You Trust?” is abbreviated in the film’s opening credits (I own the full version found on the album) but feels like a real Bond song with the opening credits feeling like a real Bond opening credits. This is part of the reason Spy is able to differentiate itself from other spy comedies like Austin Powers. It takes the genre, action, and stakes seriously throughout. This is real danger and true villains who are trying to get their hands on a nuke. It’s not like “oh, it’s funny because the spy is stupid and the bad guy’s want to kill all cats” or something like that. This sort of silly comedies can and have worked in the past, but Spy’s comedy is born out of its strong sense of characters and performances from the actor. Not by making fun of the genre, but embracing it in a wonderfully fun and funny way.

4) Jude Law’s Bradley Fine often times steps over the line which divides nice guy from Nice Guy™.

Susan: “Could you imagine me as a spy?”

[Fine, who has seen how badass she was in training, laughs at the idea.]

He’s an idiot and kind of a jackass. He may not actively be trying to belittle her but that’s what he does in pretty much 99% of their conversations. He’ll talk about how great she is but he gives her chores which she is overqualified for like picking up his laundry. It’s frustrating but then it’s supposed to be. It’s one of the key conflicts in the film that Susan is underestimated and belittled by all those around her because she’s not what a spy is “supposed” to be like.

5) This film is pretty freaking great, but it could’ve used a little more Morena Baccarin.

Honestly, everything could use a little more Morena Baccarin.

6) What the fuck is this bullshit? He’s secretly SLEEPING with this bad guy and yet…

Fine [upon being caught by villainess Rayna with a gun]: “An awfully big gun for such a little girl.”

7) Allison Janney is someone who I love in literally everything I’ve seen her in. Even when she’s pretty much the straight man in this, the CIA director, I am just drawn to her. I just really fucking love Allison Janney.

8) Jason Statham as Ford.

Holy fucking shit. Somehow Jason Statham is in a movie with modern day comedic legend Melissa McCarthy and ends up being the funniest person in the film. He is totally committed to Ford’s arrogance, jackass qualities, intensity, and hyper masculinity in a way which is 100% hysterical! It’s a tricky business because Ford doesn’t think he’s funny. Ford doesn’t think he’s weird or an idiot, and Statham plays it like that knowing it will derive the most laughs. Ford is basically the super testosterone filled action hero in every movie ever and Statham doubles that while stealing every single fucking scene he’s in. And his chemistry with McCarthy is off the charts funny! Melissa McCarthy is the bedrock this film rests upon but Jason Statham is the fucking cherry on top (I think I’m mixing my metaphors but whatever), he is absolutely amazing.

9) I love this because it makes me angry.

CIA Director Elaine Crocker [about why Fine pressured Susan to stay out of the field]: “Yeah, he sniped you.”

THIS IS REAL! THIS IS FUCKING REAL! MEN IN CHARGE KEEPING WOMEN DOWN BECAUSE THEY’RE WOMEN, WHETHER THEY KNOW THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE DOING OR NOT! GAH! I mean, the film including it is fucking awesome and handled really fucking well but holy shit it pisses me off that this is even a thing.

10) I find it endlessly frustrating (and I think I’m supposed to) that all of Susan’s aliases and spy gear are not the “sexy” stuff but things which could be considered “frumpy”. Why can’t she be a gorgeous baroness with a super slick ride and men on her shoulders? Have you seen Melissa McCarthy? She’s fucking gorgeous.

11) Melissa McCarthy has a very strong chemistry with Miranda Hart, who plays Susan’s best friend Chummy in the film. Their relationship in many ways is much more important than the ones Susan has with any other character in the film, including Fine. And you understand how good friends they are with each other as the movie continues. It’s really great.

12) Ugh.

Ford [after McCarthy points out he didn’t even like Fine]: “It’s called the rivalry of men!”

As a man I can say, “The rivalry of men,” is the equivalent of, “who’s dick is bigger,” because society has convinced us that we’re not a “real man” unless we’re the “biggest” man in the room. It’s fucking stupid.

13) One of the key things that makes Susan as strong a character as she is are her motivations. You understand what is driving her VERY clearly: her memory of Fine. It evolves into more than that as the film goes, it evolves into her just doing her job, but you understand why she does things which are outside of her norm. It’s because she is in pain over Fine’s (supposed) death and needs to make right by him. It’s clear and powerful and helps make the film as good as it is.

14) Aldo - as portrayed by Peter Serafinowicz (legendary character actor who can be found in Shaun of the Dead, Guardians of the Galaxy, the voice of Darth Maul in Star Wars: Episode I, and most recently “The Tick” on Amazon) is incredibly funny. Every overly sexualized moment with him & just his general chemistry with McCarthy makes him a worthy addition to the already stellar ensemble cast.

15) As I mentioned in note #10, I don’t understand why McCarthy is given all the frumpy gadgets and covers when she can pull this off:

She’s fucking gorgeous.

16) I’ve mentioned this with a few pairings before, but McCarthy and Statham have this intense/incredible comedic chemistry which is born out of their strong bickering. This is most plainly seen when they're both at the hotel/casino arguing and I think the fact I’ve mentioned it so often is just a sign of how well put together this fucking cast is.

17) There is an incredible sense of tension that plays through most scenes (for example: when Chummy is trying to kill power to the casino) which ties into what I mentioned in note #3: it helps elevate the film over silly spy spoof into this engaging and riveting action comedy.

18) Rose Byrne as Rayna.

Rayna was apparently originally written as a 19 year old girl (this according to IMDb’s trivia section), which makes a LOT of sense considering how much of a BRAT she is. Don’t get me wrong, Byrne is absolutely excellent at giving of the appearance of this elegant and sophisticated socialite. But that’s where the humor is from. The juxtaposition between what you expect from her (a refined Bond villainess) and what she actually is: a moronic spoiled brat. Byrne plays the humor and juxtaposition perfectly. The key part is that - like Statham - she’s not actively going for laughs. She’s not hyping up the stupidity or the silliness, acting like Rayna knows she’s stupid, but instead trusting the script and playing it in a way where Rayna takes herself seriously. And THAT’S the gag! And it’s great!

19) At this point Rayna has called Susan a child multiple times, compared her to a depress homeless clown, and insulted her ability to address herself.

Susan [to Rayna]: “Why are you being so nice to me?”

20) I’m starting to sound like a broken record but McCarthy’s ability to hold her own against how Byrne plays Rayna’s horridness is a testament to her talents as an actress and the chemistry between the pair. God, this movie is just so fucking funny.

21) I mentioned earlier that McCarthy gets the chance to play Susan as both more reserved and brash. It is when McCarthy is acting like “Amber Valentine” (the cover Susan uses to make Rayna trust her) that she gets to show off this aggression WONDERFULLY. It’s also wildly cathartic because a lot of people - including Rayna - have just been consistently putting Susan down for the ENTIRE film. Now she gets to go off on them and it’s amazing.

22) I’d like to point out that very few women die or get “fridged” in this film, not when compared to the men. I think during the entire movie only one woman dies but that’s a nice proportion swap to most male dominated action films. (How many women have died on Bond movies versus the men?)

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

23) The Budapest car chase scene is one of the strongest action set pieces in the film. It’s filled with this intense and enjoyable action, sprinkled with just enough jokes to make it hysterical, it’s well choreographed, and just altogether a fun ride.

24) But even the Budapest car chase can’t compare with the kitchen fight.

The action is INCREDIBLY well done. The fight choreography and energy throughout is just truly kinetic and it just grabs your attention and NEVER lets go. It’s just insanely well done and by far the best scene of the film.

25) I would like to point out - similarly as I did in note #4 - that Fine is kind of a jerk to Susan. He attributes her continued success to Rayna’s inexperience just casually, like it’s no big deal, not realizing he just undermined all the amazing things she just did in this film. Meanwhile the creepy sexpot of Aldo supports Susan and reminds her she’s been doing an incredible job in this film.

26) When Susan learns that Fine is alive, her entire initial motivation for going the distance of being a spy is gone. But that doesn’t matter because she’s not doing this for any man anymore. She’s doing this because it’s the right thing to do and because she knows she CAN do it. I love that. And when Susan embraces this and kicks some serious ass, Fine sees her for who she is.

27) Wait…I just realized that Ford didn’t actually DO anything in this film. He just kept getting caught and screwing up.

I love that! It’s so much funnier for me that way! :D

28) I love that it’s Chummy who saves Susan in the end. Not Fine, not Ford, but her best gal pal. Friendship over romance/sexual attraction is something I really appreciate.

29) And by the time the film ends, all three of the main guys - Aldo, Fine, and Ford - want Susan now. But she doesn’t chose a guy, she choses Chummy. She choses a night out with her girls instead of even Fine, the guy she’s been pining over FOREVER. I love that.

Spy is an incredibly funny and heartfelt film with a powerful message about competence/self worth. Melissa McCarthy gives an absolutely stellar performance and is surrounded by a just as strong supporting cast, with Jason Statham being a particular stand out. The action is crazy, the humor is spot on, the characters are well developed, and the relationships are pure. All in all, it’s just a really freaking good movie I think everyone should see.

Blog: Cross cultural & cross religion dating.

"Love knows no borders, has no nationalities, and doesn't need a visa." A conversation with a guy on dating site oasis left me a little shaken. Supposedly I'm a bigot because I said I didn't think I'd want to be with someone who was super-religious. I don't mind someone who believes in God, just because I don't doesn't mean I'd cut out eight out of every ten men given estimates suggest that many identity as religious of some kind. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who is *super* religious. Supposedly I'm racist because when he asked about whether I'd be with someone of another culture I said that it depended on the culture and how similar it's ideologies were to my own [non religious] ones. For instance I said I couldn't be with a man whose religion or culture saw women as inferior, one where women weren't allowed to drive or venture out unless they were escorted by a male member of their family. Does the fact that I couldn't live in a society like Egypt where the women are required to walk behind the men make me racist? But yet it's okay for men to write "I am very into physical fitness and want a woman who shares that and looks after herself", which, in short, means someone who's not fat? It's okay for them to want someone who doesn't have kids because they want to have travelling adventures before having kids? It's even okay to write- as I saw one guy on I think oasis- that he's more attracted to women from Thailand or Vietnam? How is this fair when my not wanting a super religious man from a culture where I'd be treated as inferior and the man's property make me a bigot and a racist? I don't consider myself racist or bigoted. I support all races and religions and recognise that 99% of them are good people and it's only the minority that doesn't. I don't say ban the burqa, I don't protest the building of mosques and other places of worship, I don't say don't let people from this country, of that colour skin or who believe in that God into Australia. I'm always one of the first to say don't automatically assume the terrorist was Muslim, or the carjacker was Sudanese or the aboriginal man veering from side to side is walking like that because he's drunk. Just because I personally don't believe in their ideologies and think some are quite backwards even in the way women are treated doesn't make me racist or a bigot surely? At the end of the day no matter whether I was in a cross-cultural relationship or not the one thing I will not do for a relationship is not change the beliefs and traditions important to me. (But not would I expect them to either.) My friend J is Jewish. We were talking the other day about how his mum wanted him to only marry a Jew and same for his sister. He dated a non-Jewish girl throughout Uni and honestly I was sure they were going to get married. We lost touch after uni but I ran into him the other day and found out he'd ended up marrying a Jewish lady. "But you and X- you were perfect for each other!" I said, shocked. He agreed but then added his parents made it too hard. I don't know if this is the norm or even if this is the whole reason for the break up or whether there were other factors at play but after being called a racist and bigot it certainly captured my attention and voila- this blog post was born. Can cross cultural dating even work anyway? Between a bunch of friends and strangers in blog land and my own experiences who I asked about cross cultural dating approximately 73% said it's possible they can work provided both parties put the effort in and about 90% agreed with the statement that cross cultural relationships weren't easy. All new couples have obstacles to overcome but in cross cultural relationships both partners may need to compromise by giving up some of their own culture to adjust to their partners beliefs, habits, parenting ways, and perhaps even the other partners family not bring supportive of the relationship- like J. (1.) After all it's only natural that we would feel loyalty towards our own culture and traditions, which may make it hard for us to understand the opposing ones of our partners. (2.) Some of us have a more advanced cultural identity than others. I don't think of myself as super patriotic but I do consider myself a pretty "true blue Aussie girl." (Minus a southern cross tattoo, Australian flag bikini, and Australian sticker on my car.) But others I know are very much into their cultural identity. Sociologically a cultural identity isn't just about the things we see like the fashion, or gods worshipped or even the national dish. Rather it's mainly invisible. Because much of what we say, think and do is shaped by the culture we were raised in. It influences our thoughts about things such what's right or wrong, ideas about birth and death, ideas on how we should behave, our sense of self worth, understanding our place/s in society and our values- like the importance of things in life like money or family. (2.) An example. Once at work we did a day course. I don't remember what it was about but I do recall we got subway for lunch (you know- the important things) and one thing sticks in my mind. I was paired with a guy named Tariq. He was perhaps 5 years older than me, married with a daughter and a Muslim. When we had to rank things as to what was most important to us he had money at the top and love and family down the bottom. I remember wondering if that was a cultural idea- the idea making money and providing is most important. Another example. A friend who is Greek has a similar outlook; she's not happy with her husband but he's a good provider so she stays. So it could well be some cultures value money and men who provide for their family over other things like family time and affection? Me? I don't think I'd stay with someone I wasn't happy with because of money and them looking after me. Although I do think I'd have a hard time standing strong if I was in love with someone from a race/religion/culture who my family and best friends didn't like and therefore believed my partner to be the same. I'd like to say I'd tell them to fuck off but I'm not one for confrontation, conflict or even argument. Sometimes I will simply agree with someone/s just to stop any argument even if I don't agree whatsoever. However as I get older (ugh) I do find I stand my ground a lot more. As a shy child, teenager, young adult, even adult it's been hard for me but I am trying. So given all that why bother with cross cultural love? Why not just say this relationship is doomed to fail and run before it gets too serious? Because it won't necessarily fail. And even if it does- as do many relationships where people are from the *same* culture may I add- a cross cultural romance can "lead to the most exciting adventure of exploring the world though another person." (3) There are some interesting pluses to dating someone from another culture. Like learning a new language, learning to enjoy and perhaps even make native cuisines of your partners, and maybe even travelling to their native country. A German mini series doco looked at thirteen couples who were all involved in cross-cultural relationships and they offered some advice on how to keep it going. (4) Some of the suggestions were: * "Being open-minded and talking about possible misunderstandings is essential in a multi-cultural relationship.”  -Ratna and Nele * "Being in a cross-cultural relationship takes a lot of patience and tolerance, and it can take a while until one gets used to the other. But as complicated as it might be, it is always interesting and sometimes rather funny when you get to find out and explore all the cultural differences.” -Andy and Ben * “Learn the language and never compare the two countries. For me, learning the language wasn’t just about something I had to do. The main push for me was for my own well-being. I needed a job and personally needed to no longer feel like an outsider looking in...” –Derek and Marc  * "If those in the relationship love each other then they understand each other on a much deeper level, and the language becomes less important. But cultural differences are tougher to overcome. Cultural issues are the big ones." -Dr. Jane Elizabeth Dum * “One thing we can’t agree on, though, is when to celebrate Christmas. Thankfully, Tobias lets me have our Christmas tree up all December long. Most Germans put their tree up right before or on Christmas Eve. Because Christmas is my favorite time of year, I would be so sad if I didn’t get my tree until the 24th! We make both the 24th and the 25th special and combine our respective traditions. I think that’s one of the best things about a binational relationship – you can pick and choose your favorite traditions from each culture and get to know a few different things in the process.” -Sarah and Tobias * “As the age old saying goes, communication is the most important thing in any relationship. If these criteria are met you are in for a world of cross-cultural delights, learning all about the others wonderful and mysterious land, which I have found gives you a lot more to talk about than a regular couple.” –Amelie and Dean And experts all give similar advice like educating yourself about their culture, learning some of their language and traditions, being prepared to possibly deal with family disapproval and strong communication. (5) After all Cross-cultural dating is a great opportunity to expand your learning. Your new partner can teach you so much about his or her country, culture, language, traditions and religion. If you can overcome these first few problems, it is a great chance to learn more about the world we all live in. (6) Can a cross-cultural relationship work then? Yes. With work and commitment. Go into the relationship with no expectations and it could be a great adventure! (7) I'm not saying force yourself to be attracted to someone but I *am* saying if feelings are there don't deny the possibility just because it's all too complicated. After all, just because you’re open to dating someone doesn’t mean it will actually work out. You may not even get past the first date so if you do like someone from a different culture just give it a shot. You never know: you may find yourself a fantastic lifelong partner. (8) Fatgirl. Sources: 1. https://barendspsychology.com/cross-cultural-relationships/ 2. http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/cross-cultural-relationships 3. https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/blog/index.php/best-date-tips/cross-cultural-dating-good-great-awkward/ 4. http://www.young-germany.de/topic/live/family-friends/advice-from-bi-national-couples-on-cross-cultural-dating 5. http://www.multiculturalromance.com/cross-cultural-dating-tips/ 6. https://www.google.com.au/amp/blog.datingwise.com/1444/cross-cultural-dating/amp/ 7. http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14008/1/Cross-Cultural-Dating-and-Marriage--An-Asian-Western-Perspective.html 8. http://www.eatyourkimchi.com/speakers-corner-cross-cultural-dating/