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chrollohearttags · 10 months

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i love this song https://open.spotify.com/track/5kfNriitmkNE8mUbZ7gbq8?si=ABipdw_BQqygrGqFEGPcEA and musician eren so why not combine them 🤭

everybody known eren is a rapper but my man got vocals too!! so imagine him writing this song about like an early y/n like in the early stages of their relationship. basically eren releases the song (it’s on an album or something) and everybody thinks it’s some club anthem because of the title- in my head eren has his music loved down ; ain’t nobody hearing until it’s ready!! it’s really this emotional piece about y/n.

this was probably the longest thing i put in cherry’s ask box but i just wanted to say my piece yall 😭

baeee!! This was beautiful. I swear you feed my delusions so well. 🥹 and this songgg?? I love it. I imagine this is how it came to be too..

tw: angst, mentions of childhood trauma, more reverb spoilers, weed and alcohol use

living a busy lifestyle on the road, going from city to city..state to state trying to make a name for yourself wasn’t easy. Your journey to stardom was one consistent of hard work, faith and sadly, a lot of tears. It wasn’t often that you had the chance to sit down and reflect on your past. But tonight, you found yourself in the one place that felt like a safe haven..around the one person you found solace in to freely confide in about your problems..

“It was the night of my first performance with the girls and I wanted to go run to the phone…tell my granny that I finally did it. But I couldn’t…I felt so fucking stupid. I think I spent an hour crying on the floor of that damn dressing room. Didn’t want anybody bothering me..”

(Y/N)‘s feet swayed freely in the crystalline pool waters, kicking alongside another set of legs underneath the pale moonlight. Stars glistening in the dark sky like a blanket; hovering above your head. But the hand holding your own was what gave you the strength to finish telling such a heartbreaking story. Your longtime friend and new partner, EJ The Don..at least as the world knew him. But to you? He was just Eren and that was all he ever wanted. Was for someone to see him for who he truly was. And the feeling was reciprocated. So the two of you were sitting outside, as you had done many nights before and just reflected on your past lives. All the things and experiences that led you to where you were today.. blunts illuminated around you and unfinished bottle of wine. Honestly, it was the easiest way to cope with sharing your feelings. Something that didn’t come easy. But with him listening along, you felt more at ease and comfortable..so the words flowed as did the tears you had been holding in.

“..my mama didn’t even congratulate me. Hadn’t seen that lady in years. Hell, I didn’t even know who she was until two years ago but the first thing from her mouth when I went back to my old hood was ‘think you can loan me some money?’ What kind of shit is that?”

he had never seen you so open and you had never been this vulnerable with anyone in your life. It was a new experience for the both of you. In a way, you felt ashamed..that maybe he’d view you in a different light after airing out your dirty laundry. Even though he left home of his own volition, he still grew up in a stable environment. You guys were from opposite sides of the tracks but even so he didn’t judge! And when you tried to apologize for your past, he’d clutch your hand tighter; placing a kiss to your temple before rubbing his thumb across your cheek.

“What are you sorry for? Something out of your control? I love you for who you are now and I’m grateful that you shared all of this with me. Stop apologizing for shit you couldn’t help.”

it was such a refreshing change from all the men you’ve encountered in the past. He didn’t show it that night but every word you said to Eren stuck with him. From the pain of losing the one guardian you’d had in your entire life to the toxic relationship with your estranged parents and even your stint of having to do things you weren’t proud of just to avoid sleeping on the streets. It wasn’t sunshine and rainbows for you, hence why you smiled so much now. Gracious for the life you had built. Even so, his heart ached for you..he wanted to cry knowing that such a beautiful woman with an even more beautiful heart had to endure such hardship. It pained him to not be able to find the right words to express how truly sorry and empathetic he was of your situation. How could he? Here he was some kid from Jersey who grew up well off while you were on the other side of the tracks suffering. He felt he had no right to speak on you or the things you’d overcome. But he couldn’t help himself….long after you had gone home; sitting up in his studio with his pen and pad, trying to come up with a new track. Like he had done so many times before when the woes of insomnia had kept him awake. He’d scribble a few things here and there..nothing sticking. That was until he thought about you…so helplessly crying in front of him. In that moment, he felt so weak; unable to tell you what you needed to hear. But he hoped to atone with his next gesture. Reaching over into the corner, he’d retrieve his guitar. An instrument only used in a few tracks of his but one he enjoyed playing the most. Strumming along, he’d hum a melody..closing his eyes to get a feel for what he was playing. That’s when it’d all start to click.

‘They don’t care like I do..’

from there, every lyric, harmony and melody flowed freely like the tears from his eyes when he pictured his precious girl, his princess in such a horrible situation. Scared, alone and afraid..he wrote it with everything he had in him. Pouring his heart out into that paper and microphone as he played the tune on his Fender. Singing to his hearts content as he had not done in a long time. He recorded it that same night and although, he knew it’d become lost in the shuffle of the other more upbeat tracks on his album, EJ gladly placed it in the middle of the playlist. Hoping that if it reached no one else in this world, that it’d find its way to the one person who inspired it. It was while you were out with your girls, tossing back drinks and laughing at a downtown lounge when it first debuted on radio. Months after the album had come out and he was long on tour across the country. Everyone instantly loved it, even making remarks of how they didn’t know your ‘man’ could sing like that. But as you hummed along to the beat, you couldn’t help but become emotional as you took in the intense lyrics. Realizing that they hit a little too close to home. It took everything in you not to break down right there. But it only further proved how blessed you were to have him in your life.

I hope you’re listening, (y/n). Wherever you are…I hope you can hear me. Hear how much I love you..

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seronsalk · 1 year

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A waltz with shadows

My Masterlist.

Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x Sun Summoner fem!reader

AN: I had this idea, and I changed some things because I always thought it was really silly how Alina, a girl from the army, suddenly just started trusting a shadow man. (It's not extremely romantic sorry)

Warnings: Angst, fluff, mention of alcohol and other substance use.

Cute starry dividers from: @saradika (who is an absolute blessing with their creativity!)

Word count: 1,310k

It was the day of the winter fate and the atmosphere couldn't have been more busy.

The constant thought of the last couple of weeks remained at the front of your brain, everything was so different, especially you and the general.

You still didn't trust him, but the eerie longing feeling you had towards him lingered on your skin. Craving him to wrap his hand around your wrist again, no. You pushed those thoughts away, you didn't need a man to be there, Baghra was right as much as you hated to admit it.

As if on que, snapping you from your thoughts, Genya barged in holding a kefta and a servant brought in her kit before exiting swiftly.

"Saints, thank goodness I got here in time," she said widening her eyes at the look of your messy hair.

You breathed out a small laugh and with that Genya was at work.

"I know the general insisted on black for the performance, but afterwards I was thinking you could go back to the blue?" Genya expressed.

"Unless somehow he convinces me otherwise, I probably will, though I wouldn't want to come off as ungrateful, " you stated.

Genya paused her tailoring, "Don't feel like you have to always please him, I want you to be careful." "Careful of what?" you asked, a little confused.

"Powerful men."

"I know, I've seen a corrupted general or two, if he is like them, there is no difference," you stated, thinking back about some of the generals who you knew had used there army salaries to just drown themselves in liquor.

You decided to not clue Genya in on how you were weirdly drawn to Kirigan. Immediately hearing your thoughts say 'Kirigan' made you remember he had given you his name, though you had honestly ignored him.

Genya smiled, before continuing her work.

Later,

you both were walking through the hall and many of the ambassadors and guests of the royals were definitely gawking at you.

You were certain that if self control didn't exist a couple of them would have asked to marry you right then, not that you would have said yes.

As you and Genya walked you came to the main hall, "I can't enter with you, besides they aren't ready for you." However before she could get that through your brain, your gaze landed on Kirigan. He was speaking to the king and queen, you immediately walked in.

Murmurs caught his attention as he turned his gaze meeting you, you noticed his eyes wandered downward. His eyes were always so enticing as somehow you could see no emotion on his face, but every emotion in his eyes.

No matter how deep, dark and black those two pools were, getting lost in them was honestly a gift.

Before you could continue to think about his eyes, you came to your senses noticing he was now in front of you, "you were supposed to enter accompanied by guards," he said his eyes looking around before meeting your gaze.

Ah, there they were again, "You look lovely by the way."

"I can see you really got dressed up as well," she said with a teasing smile noticing he was wearing the same black kefta he always wore.

He smiled, "You don't like my different shade of black?" Then again their conversation was interrupted.

The Inferni twins started their demonstration, keeping the eyes on them and not you and the general for too long. Tossing balls of fire between each other with a few murmurs of interest from the audience.

When they finally ended their demonstration everyone clapped, but you nor the general did not. "It's time, let's show them all." He stated, before you could ask him any of your many questions.

He led you up on the wannabe stage-like platform before he drew the shadows into the hall quieting the guests and plunging them all into complete utter darkness.

As he turned, you focused on his eyes as you called your light. You split the beams into two and then heightened the light into the chandelier, like you had practiced.

Sending light bouncing off of everywhere in the room and the intensity of 'ouuing and ahhing' put a small smirk on your face.

When the light finally commenced, lots of them immediately started getting on a knee or so praying and saying "Sankta y/n." It felt extremely weird to be referred to as a saint.

The general helped you down and his facial expressions were unreadable, yet you found a strange emotion in his eyes almost hopeful.

Your suspicions had been confirmed when he simply said, "You are amazing, Miss l/n."

After being introduced to a few hundred people, you rejoined the general thinking about your bed and how tired you were. As if on que, the general held out his hand to you, "Would you like to dance?" You couldn't have imagined him dancing, especially with you.

As realization hit you hadn't given him an answer and instead left him patiently studying your facial expressions, you got out a quick, "I would love too."

With that he led you both to a part of the ballroom where a dance was about to begin. You grabbed his hand and rested your other on his shoulder. He placed his other hand on your waist and a chill was sent down your spine.

You both moved elegantly as one, and if anyone was watching, all they could see was the sun in the eclipse.

Your eyes locked with each other's as he spun you around before speaking.

"I know you aren't fond of my color on you, but I must say you look magnificent," he gawked.

Thinking on how to respond you smiled, "I must say its grown a little on me."

He smiled a little wider before they waltzed into a turn, even for a second of moving from each other's gaze it felt cold immediately, lost and empty.

And when it returned it was warm and sweet, safe and longing.

Feeling the need to say something you spoke up, "I would like to say that all these demonstrations of grishas abilities are honestly annoying, they aren't entertainers after all." He took a moment before responding, "No, We aren't." A slight smile creased your lips.

"It means a lot to know I am not the only one who doesn't appreciate these antics," he added.

Something in his eyes told you he was holding himself back on something else, but you didn't have to pry, he spoke softly, "You mean a lot to me and not just your power and what it means for everyone, but you yourself." That had your heart rate speeding up and you were sure Fedyor or Ivan were somewhere in the crowd silently smirking.

"Thank you," you paused before he pulled you closer for the last turn and in a near whisper so only he could hear it against his earlobe,

"Aleksander."

And the look in his eyes was all you needed to see, to know that he was your one and only future.

An: Alright shawty's I don't know about y'all, but this wasn't even like a big sappy thing I wanted, its just a little longing here and there let me know if you think I should I don't know make a part 2 or something!

Requests are always open, let me know what you got!

Thanks for reading, proud of you!

Shadow & Bone Masterlist!

#aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova #shadow and bone #general kirigan x reader #the darkling x reader #genya safin #fedyor kaminsky #fanfiction #sun summoner #shadow summoner #baghra morozova #grishaverse

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learnthebreakdown · 12 days

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A letter to Simon Eriksson (and Omar Rudberg),

I knew I was going to write this at some point after Young Royals ended, but I've been putting it off because a) it'd make me emotional and b) I wouldn't be able to do justice to how I feel with words...but after the cast's goodbye video, here goes.

I am so, so, so grateful Simon Eriksson exists. Few characters have taken such a deep spot in my heart, but Simon is on that top tier of characters that I will always love so deeply. He is very important, not just to me, but I honestly believe his character existing is important for the media/world in general.

While I only recently started being more active in the fandom, I watched Young Royals just around when it first aired in 2021. What inspired me to watch the show was a clip online. It was Simon's iconic scene in the first episode where he says the monarchy is the country's biggest welfare receiver. And I was instantly hooked! Not just because I was absolutely shook at how beautiful Simon was, but also because of his personality that shined through. Brave, strong, defiant, and independent in the face of all the bullies. Simon is a phenomenal character period, but for him to also be a queer POC makes him even more special because we don't see it often on screen.

When I started actually watching the show, I got even more attached to Simon than I thought possible. The audience witnessed how loving, compassionate, and driven Simon was. I loved how we saw Simon's bravery in different ways throughout Young Royals. He was brave as he kept forgiving people and giving them second chances. He was brave because he kept his heart open to love even after being hurt. He was brave to put himself first when he needed to, even in the face of the royal family. He was brave to stick to his values in the face of all the exhausting bullying and archaic traditions of Hillerska. He was a snarky teenager but also mature beyond his years. He learned how to love others without losing himself. Seeing Simon be such a complex character and good human being made me fall in love with him.

Omar, I'm in awe at this being your first acting job. You are a natural, talented, and hardworking artist in every sense of the word. You have not only excelled and singing and performing, but acting too. Simon is Simon is because of you. You brought such heart and lovability to the character, as well as your beautiful voice. It is also clear that your compassion and empathy, which you were able to use to understand/play Simon as artfully and earnestly as you did, comes from your own experiences and your own identity. You're brave too, for daring to be yourself unapologetically. You've helped so many people.

Thank you to all the cast and crew as well, who played a primary role in making all the characters and this show into what it was. Your role doesn't get highlighted all the time, but you deserve much more credit for the acting, the characters, the ambience, and all the creative choices in Young Royals than audiences realize.

I'll love Simon Eriksson always. We'll keep making fan content and loving this show, thank you for trusting us with Simon now.

Love,

Brekkie

#crying #young royals #simon eriksson #wilmon #omar rudberg #my letter

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mins-fins · 8 months

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REALLY THEATER? - K.TAERAE

⊹ ˚. synopsis: it's only tonight, on closing night, on the night of the last ever performance, that the two of them actually realize their feelings for each other.

⊹ ˚. pairing: kim taerae x m!reader

⊹ ˚. genre: fluff, angst but not really

⊹ ˚. warnings: isa's lame theater kid knowledge, crying because again its closing night, might seem very rushed but tbf it is

⊹ ˚. word count: 1.4k

⊹ ˚. notes: hi i went insane yesterday and literally listened to the whole heathers soundtrack before going to sleep and then i woke up and world burn from mean girls immediately began playing so my mind is fried, also i was looking at zb1 trying to see which member would most likely be a theater kid (taerae is so obvious is it not?) okay enough of this long ass note enjoy!

⊹ ˚. this is for favorite taerae delusionist stan jun (@so2uv / @luvjiun) adjshds love you babe

murmuring, pushing, singing, bustling, sound checks, and of course, last minute line rehearsals. y/n has been through the process many times, though he officially joined the pre-production team in his sophomore year, he's become used to the chaos which ensues on closing night.

he's already prepared for the tears, the shouts from audience members, the constant reminders from the director that he needs to follow the very specific instructions so that the sound operates correctly and according to plan. he can hear the mutters from the other hundred people either apart of production, pre-production, and theatre staff as they all converse about closing night.

y/n usually never gets emotional during closing night, because he doesn't perform on the stage, it makes sense why the actors would be emotional, but he usually never find a reason to become emotional during closing night, because he was only behind the scenes, he never usually did anything important onstage.

but this year.. this year is different.

y/n listens to everything going on around him, all the consecutive noise blending into his ears and just becoming blurry, but out of all the singers warming up their voices for the final ever performance of the year, there's one that really stands out.

kim taerae.

y/n can't help but admire taerae. he's been in musical theater for as long as he can remember, and he's never met someone who peaked his interest more. taerae has never really done musical theater as a serious thing before (which y/n honestly respects) but his voice is incredible, and he can certainly act amazingly even without any experience in theater.

kim taerae is practically flawless. he's beautiful, he's funny, he's talented, well spoken, y/n could probably listen to him sing for hours and not get bored he swears on his life—

alright, now this just sounds like a rant on how y/n is totally and mortifyingly in love with kim taerae.

which is totally not true! he isn't in love with kim taerae at all!

he just loves every single little thing about him, enjoys spending time with him whenever he can, will listen to him ramble on and on, will listen to him sing and simply admire his voice the whole time, or just admire his face and poke his dimples because he finds taerae to be one of the most beautiful men he thinks he's ever seen in his life.

but he's not in love with him, that would be absurd! that would be crazy.

"zoning out on closing night is crazy" jay mutters, lightly nudging y/n, who was busy admiring taerae. "jesus when'll you ask him out?"

"i have no idea what your talking about".

park hanbin peaks from behind lee jeonghyeon, giggling. "aw, y/n has a crush?"

"i do not, jay's just crazy" y/n states flatly, he hopes hanbin can't see the fact that his face is turning red, it's just the heat in the room! yeah just the heat in the room!

"uh huh, like you weren't looking at kim taerae with lovestruck eyes".

"yeah no you guys are crazy".

jeonghyeon stares at y/n like he's crazy, clearly not buying his act, and y/n glares at jeonghyeon, crossing his arms. "sure y/n, and would you look at that, your lover boy!"

"my what—"

y/n isn't able to finish his sentence when he's lightly pushed forward and he bumps into taerae, how great, he curses at jay in his mind but smiles as soon as taerae looks up at him.

"y/n i was looking for you!"

"you were?"

"i was!" taerae claps his hands. oh my fucking god he is so pretty y/n is trying so hard not to faint with taerae so close, they've been this close before obviously, but it's just so much more different like this, especially tonight, on closing night. "just wanted to talk to you, before the final performance, obviously".

y/n chuckles, feeling like a teenage girl talking to her crush or something. he feels oddly giddy, and it's very embarrassing, but he can't think about that right now. "oh my god, don't sweat it your gonna do great".

"i—" taerae pauses, grabbing y/n's hands, he opens his mouth but then doesn't speak, a little nervousness taking over him, but that's expected, he's doing the lead singing part. "yeah, i know, it's just closing night, and that gets everybody pretty emotional and the stakes are pretty high tonight, you know? i'm just nervous and all—"

"taerae" y/n cuts in, and taerae hums, blinking as he stares up at the other. y/n can't form words for a moment because taerae just looks so.. pretty, god he's going to die. "i have watched every single performance of yours, every single practice, i know you, i know how you are, and i know that your very talented, your going to do amazing".

taerae looks dumbstruck, like he'd just been told the secrets of the universe or something. he just pauses as he stares at y/n, with his wide, pretty eyes that seem to be shining. y/n can't tell what kind of look he's being given, and with the way taerae is staring, simply frozen, worries him a bit.

taerae finally laughs, still holding onto y/n's hands, just swinging them back and forth. "i— your so corny" he looks away, face red. "but thank you, i'll take those words into account".

"were up in five!"

taerae blinks, looking back to y/n for one last time. "okay, that's my cue, do well sound guy".

taerae stands on his tippy toes, leaning forward to press a kiss onto y/n's cheek. he gives him one bright dimpled smile before walking away, giving no explanation for that action.

y/n just stands there, in awe, his face is burning, his face is red, holy shit he probably looks like an idiot right now, but how does one normally function after an action like that? he blinks a few times, just trying to process what just happened.

"y/n! come on places!"

"oh— yeah! coming!"

sniffling, sobbing, sad laughing, happy tears, and crazy hugs. again, y/n has seen this all before, closing night is usually very depressing, and for some reason, the air after the performance ends and all the actors get backstage saddens him.

it could just be because he's a senior and the nostalgia could be hitting him hard, he's leaving next week, then it's off to college and student debt. some of the pre-production crew even get emotional, and y/n finds himself comforting them as they cry.

still, his mind is focused on one person.

he was distracted by taerae the whole time, and to be fair, who wasn't? taerae was amazing, he hit pretty much every note there was to hit, and his acting was simply flawless, y/n found himself smiling every time he came onstage.

so, as he listens to the talking, the sobs, the sniffles, and watches the tightening hugs, y/n's eyes naturally look for taerae, not spotting him at all.

well he doesn't have to look hard.

"hi!"

"ah!"

y/n lightly jumps, startled by taerae and his loud voice. he calms down and smiles as he looks at taerae, who looks like he's on the verge of tears. "gosh, don't scare me like that, taerae".

taerae giggles. "you were right, everything went well".

but as y/n stares at taerae, he seems to begin crumbling, like he's trying to hold in his tears yet can't do it. and he can't, because taerae breaks down and pulls y/n into a tight embrace.

"oh, oh my god, are you okay?"

taerae sniffles, just burying his face into y/n's shirt, and y/n allows it, letting his shirt be stained by taerae's tears. "i— i don't know it's just very hard not to cry during a time like this and i feel like i gave it my all and—"

taerae can't continue, he simply sobs into y/n's shirt, holding onto him like he'll slip from his reach if he lets go. "you know, rae, i am so proud of you, you did so well".

y/n rests his chin onto taerae's head, running his hand up and down his back, a smile coming to his face. "you worked so hard, and you did so well, i'm so proud of you, i'm so happy to have you, i love you".

he's too into the moment to realize what he's saying, but taerae clutches onto him again, taking a deep breath.

"i— i love you too y/n".

what a happy ending, huh?

#kim taerae #zerobaseone #zb1 #zerobaseone kim taerae #zb1 kim taerae #zb1 taerae #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone drabbles #zerobaseone scenarios #zb1 imagines #zb1 drabbles #zb1 scenarios #kim taerae imagines #kim taerae x reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

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the-new-hip-priest · 5 months

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A long post wherein I recount my experience at a Limp Bizkit show and get increasingly emotional about the power of live shows and their resulting memories as a coping mechanism for deep depression.

Wednesday night was honestly the most fun I've had in several years. It was full of childlike glee and giddiness and excitement. And sweat. Lots of sweat. I knew that I'd have a blast, having already seen them back in 2012, but this time Limp Bizkit put on one of the best, engaging live shows I've ever seen. It was a big, bouncing nu-metal party and the atmosphere was electric. Everyone in attendance was there to have a good time. No fighting, no dickheads, no munted macho bullshit, just roughly 1000 people ready to party like it's still 1999.

The opening act was HANABIE., an all-female Japanese "metalcore" band, but calling them metalcore feels reductive because they incorporate so many different elements into their sound (electronica/hip-hop/punk/nu-metal as well as Harajuku culture). I really want to gush about them but I'd just end up regurgitating the entire wikipedia article. Their energy was so contagious and the crowd was equally keen and receptive. There was even a circle pit during We Love Sweets which I couldn't help but join. I got a gentle accidental elbow in the face, and slipped on some empty drink cans but got picked up immediately. In a matter of thirty minutes I was already drenched and forming my first bruises.

As for Limp Bizkit, I've been writing and deleting and re-writing and re-deleting this paragraph since Thursday morning. I can't find the words. From a distance, watching myself get all emotional about this band in particular is actually hilarious. My thoughts are so muddled but I've realised that I've been so touched by this concert because they made me feel like a kid again. I've been lucky enough to see some of my other all-time favourite bands live - highly regarded and renowned performers, but I wasn't listening to Nine Inch Nails or The Fall or Radiohead when I was eight years old, so they can't evoke the same emotions.

I fangirled and flapped when Wes came on stage and as soon as they opened with My Generation, I was overcome with such a powerful, innocent euphoria that kept me jumping and screaming all night long. I'm struggling to describe it because I didn't think I was capable of feeling that sort of natural high ever again - I thought I had destroyed my capacity for pure pleasure through drug use in my 20s. Yet here I was, utterly jubilant and energetic, one row back from the barrier directly in front of possibly my favourite guitarist of all time. Fred chatted a lot with the crowd (I uncharacteristically gushed and giggled like a school girl when he was talking to us down the front), and a surprising amount of mens underwear got thrown on stage. They did a fun transition from Rollin' into Raw Hide, covered Killing In The Name, did a big sing-along of Careless Whisper, and even played Re-Arranged which was a nice surprise. I would have loved for them to play Out Of Style, but I understand people want to hear the old stuff. The atmosphere was non-stop fun from the opening note until the end of Don't You Forget About Me which they play as they leave the stage.

I had been hoping to have some sort of acknowledgement or interaction with Wes, like catching one of the roses that he throws into the audience. Given that I was at the front, I took a shot during a quiet moment between songs and yelled out "Hey Wes, wish Alie [his fiancee] a late happy birthday from me!" and he walked straight over to me and threw me his pick! Achievement unlocked! I reacted like a QTE and almost burst into tears when I realised I caught it. Almost. I didn't want to fuck up my fancy makeup and contact lenses. As my partner pointed out, most of the roses had been torn to shreds by the end of the show, but I got a personalised treasure to hold on to. I've kept it close to me ever since (and played my own guitars with it, naturally). It's like he gave me a little talisman of hope and happiness and I really need something like that right now. December is always a hard time of year for me. On top of that, I've been feeling so incredibly bleak about the future and sometimes find myself making certain plans in the back of my mind. But this silly little bit of plastic with a picture of Lisa Vanderpump with a beer bong labelled Borland/Wes' Baphomet logo on it makes me feel like I can keep going. Like I want to keep going in spite of my fear and my pain. I almost feel a tongue-in-cheek sense of resentment, like, "how dare one of my favourite musicians inspire some sense of hope in me during such a tough time?"

Someone filmed the entire show and I am eternally grateful to them. I can giggle at my own distinctive cheering early in the set. I can watch Fred's playful shenanigans with the front row. I can see my interaction with Wes. I can remember. There are times when it feels like the last ounce of hope has left your body, and it causes you to forget. You no longer feel capable of caring, so you simply forget how much you love music and comedy and every other little thing that makes life worth living. That's why I have a big folder sleeve filled with physical memories that I can turn to, full of ticket stubs and entry wristbands and the like so I have something tangible to tie back to my experiences. I've got some drumsticks and a NIN setlist as well. Having the means of reliving those moments is an invaluable tool when fighting major depressive episodes. I will sit there and carefully examine each piece and something will stir inside of me. It could be the faintest echo of a feeling, but it will come, and it will remind me that life is worth fighting for.

#limp bizkit #wes borland #fred durst #personal

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prose-for-hire · 1 year

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i have a promt i would love to see “a whispered moment between them ; “i’m trying so hard to hate you.” “why?”” and dealers choice on pronouns and love interests if you want more details i could pick but i wanna leave it open if that makes it easier

A/n: thanks for the extra prompt or this might never have been written lol !!

Giles x vamp!reader💖 warning: mention of character death/when Angelus was in town/implication of sex/etc

You were dead. You had been for several decades, your soul was just about in tact despite how it had been stolen from you in the recent past. With the return of an old acquaintance in Spike and an even older one when Angelus returned, you had been reunited with the cruelty of your youth.

They needed you. To unleash hell on the Hellmouth. They had performed a ritual, ridding you of your soul. The one you had earned had been ripped from you. You swear that still hurt somewhere deep inside, even more so when the memories returned.

You had been helping Giles and the Slayer. Advising from real experience to go alongside their research. You had lived many unlives and had a lot of experience with demons. You had only wanted to make a difference.

It hadn’t been mostly because Giles was incredibly attractive, not at all, you had grown fond of the teenagers and enjoyed finding a real purpose amongst the years of nothingness that blur into one when you’re immortal.

You had kissed the first night you met, you were both running from a demon that Willow had accidentally summoned and you don’t know what had come over either of you.

Then came Jenny. You distanced yourself from him, seeing the spark between them. You didn’t want to inflict yourself on him. Human and vampire relationships never lasted. You had seen enough of the chaos caused by them throughout your long life.

But, it didn’t stop you from feeling for him. So deep it almost killed you all over again. After Jenny died and you played your part, he grew cold. You regained your soul when Angel did but you stayed behind whilst he was given a nice little holiday in a hell dimension. You honestly would have preferred it from the pain of seeing what you had done to everyone. Especially him.

Fast forward a few months and neither of your could help yourselves. The tension had built up to an unbearable level. You knew it was bound to explode. You had stayed behind, having been allowed to join the Scoobies for meetings again.

Rupert hadn’t looked at you properly until tonight. His eyes gleamed with emotion. He needed you, he needed your comfort. You kissed, lips colliding and passion permeating the space. His tender touch held you firmly, his contradicting emotions displayed in his touch.

That’s how you ended up here. Lying in his bed, separated by a thin sheet and a unending tangle of unspoken emotions.

“I’m trying so hard to hate you” He whispered, thumb caressing your cheek bone as you lay facing each other.

“Why?”

“You know why” he sighed, removing his hand from your face abruptly. The warmth of his feelings leaving you with his body heat. You grasped at his hand, desperate to feel it again but the room had gone cold.

“But it wasn’t me… he took my soul” you insisted, still clasping his hand tightly in yours.

“It was your face, your skin, your hands… they played their part. Why can’t I prevent myself from feeling this way?”

“Love?”

“I, ah, didn’t suggest…” he trailed off, unsure what he was suggesting.

You knelt up on the bed, as if you were praying for forgiveness. Sheet disregarded in your desperation. You were completely vulnerable for him.

“Then what? Please, Rupert, tell me what I can do to earn your love. Kill the one that killed Jenny? Starve myself of blood? I’ll do it. If that’s what it takes to earn your affection…”

“You cannot earn what you already have”

“Tell me…” you pleaded, needing to hear the words but knowing the answer.

“Yes, well, I-I- can’t”

“I’m sorry” you said again, a word that didn’t hold the weight of how much regret and guilt you held within.

“Come back to bed” he said softly, his touch guiding you back beside him. You lay like that all night, neither of you managing to sleep.

You couldn’t, you didn’t want to miss a moment of what might be the last night you spent together.

#Giles x reader #Rupert giles x reader #giles imagine #Rupert giles imagine #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #btvs imagine #btvs x reader #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #vamp reader #mini fic

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ellestray · 9 months

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so. i was lucky enough to see skz at lollapalooza.

my entire body still hurts and my throat is just sore from all the shouting, but lord. i've never been happier about some pain.

i cannot express how wonderful they were. so caring. so passionate. you could absolutely feel their energy and gratitude through their performance, even from the back.

i usually don't move a lot during concerts (although i'm always having the time of my life!), i like soaking in the music and watching intently what the artist worked so hard on. but lollapalooza honestly is a blur.

it was so natural to dance and sing along. honestly, although there was an absurd amount of people, it felt like a safe space where i could care-freely be myself. it just reminded me that beyond the bad apples on social media, the community skz built is at the image of the group- nonjudgmental, all about kindness and, ultimately, music.

i also need to make a quick comment on bangchan- i've always known he's a born leader, of course, everyone does. but seeing his leadership in action during the concert was really different. i've gained so much more respect and appreciation for him, if that's even possible. i've been to a lot of concerts, but i don't think i've ever seen an artist take so much time to ensure the public was safe and anyone feeling sick could be escorted. i know it should be the bare minimum, but he was so genuine and gentle with his worry and kindness, i couldn't help but feel this new found love for him. he also did an amazing job at dealing with such a large crowd and leading the performance overall, still giving every member space to express themselves and hyping them up on stage- he was just everything.

oh, and haven. such an emotional moment. the euphoria we all felt from miroh just being performed. the fireworks. the boys being oh so happy on stage. the crowd dancing around with the biggest smile on their faces. it all felt so safe and comfortable. i wish the kids could've witnessed the scene from the point of view of the public- it was truly magical.

after the end of the concert, as i was walking away from the stage hand in hand with my friend, we saw a little girl with her mom- the image really marked me, for some reason. we shortly talked to them, and this little girl was brought to tears by the moment. the mom was so, so genuinely happy for her daughter, and she also was feeling all this happiness we were sharing from the experience. it made me realize that stray kids makes music for everyone, not just an audience that could turn into full time fans. this performance wasn't just for the little girl who had been dreaming of seeing her idols, it also was for the parents, for the people that didn't know them, for anyone that needed a breath of fresh air after difficult times.

before the concert, i met so many stays. the way we all naturally got along just reminded me of how kind the community skz fostered is. those stays and i went to the eiffel tower at night together and talked for hours, without even knowing each other- it'll be a moment i'll cherish forever.

i have so much more to say, but it's difficult to find the words to describe everything that surrounded this concert. i'm just filled with pride and newfound energy. i've been going through hard times lately, but in those moments, i felt free and at peace.

thank you, stray kids, and thank you stays for being so kind :')

#lollapalooza #stray kids #elle's thoughts #skzpalooza #stay #i am so grateful

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autumnsup · 7 months

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The Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack Imagined As a Flight or Tasting Menu

Arranged According to Flavor and Style

To preface my latest nonsense: I will always appreciate the OST. I even went and bought the vinyl edition (see previous reblog), which makes skipping the less beloved tracks more difficult. Nevertheless, over the years I have done some curating based on the tracks I love most, including adding in a few bonus tracks that didn’t make it onto the OST album.

Back in the early 2000s, it was quite the undertaking to create what I considered to be the “complete” soundtrack to Velvet Goldmine. To collect more tracks, I combed through used CD stores, ripped from CDs found at libraries, and “borrowed” from my dad’s music downloading service pre-iTunes, to make a mix of my own.

I won’t be including that exact mix here, nor will I be mentioning every single song on the OST, but I’ve compiled a few Top 5 lists with flavorful ramblings about each track and why I love it. I’m also realizing as I write that much of what I appreciate about each song is wrapped up with the scene it underscores in the film, making it hard for me to take a step back and judge them on their musical merits alone. Just be warned that some may be more incoherent than others. 🫠

Top 5 Faves

Hot One ✨ Shudder to Think

Flavor profile: smoky-sweet with a dollop of strange

Honestly, this song makes me so happy and nostalgic every time I hear it. If I were to pick one song to play on repeat, this would probably be the one I’d choose. There’s something infectious about the leisurely pace of the piano and bass together, and the nonsensical, somewhat dark lyrics overlaying them, lightly tinged with the rasp of the singer's voice. I could almost imagine Oscar Wilde composing the words, without the references to outer space (unless he was actually – gasp – FROM outer space?).

Bitter-Sweet ✨ Roxy Music

as performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: a swirl of bitters and spice with an undercurrent of salt tears

I love this song because it encompasses so many different sounds and moods, and Thom Yorke’s vocal range is incredible. Plus the lyrics are extremely evocative and spot-on for the scene they cover. It’s not entirely clear to me if we actually hear the Flaming Creatures perform parts of it as well, or if they are just lip-synching for the sake of flow between scenes, but in any case, it was very well chosen.

Satellite of Love ✨ Lou Reed (with David Bowie)

Flavor profile: fluffy-sweet layers with a little crunch on top

Another happy-making song for me, although I can eventually get tired of listening to it (doesn’t help that I have it on Lou Reed’s Transformer too). I love that Bowie collaborated on the background vocals and enjoy singing along while I imagine Curt and Brian in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

Gimme Danger ✨Iggy Pop

as sung by Ewan McGregor

Flavor profile: this may mangle your jaw and sear off your tastebuds but you will still crave it 😵

Seriously, why didn’t they include this on the OST album??? it is my opinion that if they had to pick one Iggy Pop song, they should’ve gone with Gimme Danger instead of T.V. Eye. The Iggy Pop original is good too but it doesn’t have quite the same feeling of angst and emotional oomph that Ewan’s does. I guess it doesn’t have the same level of shock value as T.V. Eye, but melodically and thematically I think it’s a much better song. It is a crying shame that this performance was overlooked and I still hold hope in my heart that the Ewan recording is in storage somewhere, eventually to be released into the world. (Todd Haynes, take note).

Ballad of Maxwell Demon ✨ Shudder to Think

as sung by Jonathan Rhys Meyers / Craig Wedren

Flavor profile: a tall glass of rainbow dusted in glitter and charcoal

I have mixed feelings about this track because I can’t decide which version I like better. In general, I’m not a huge fan of JRM’s voice, but for this particular song, it fits the off-kilter he-might-kill-you-in-an-instant tone of the music video so well, it might actually be the better version. I don’t know… feel free to fight me on this, I might just change my mind. Again. But as for the song itself, the lyrics are so nonsensical they're borderline iconic. I mean, "the slap on my ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove"?

Top 5 for Sheer Vibes

Velvet Spacetime ✨ Carter Burwell (both versions)

Flavor profile: a smorgasbord of far-out sounds

Speaking of vacillating, I am pretty certain that there are two versions of this track, one of which we hear only briefly during the film. I like the OST version just fine because of how melodic and relaxing it is, but I wish they’d included the film version, which sounds more ominous and gritty. I think it appears during one of the “Arthur hot on the trail” scenes, when he’s walking to the subway or something? Anyway, FANTASTIC vibes from a film composer I’ve learned to love over the years.

2HB ✨ Roxy Music

as performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: a fizzy Bellini-style cocktail made with passionfruit and the finest champagne

This is such an interesting song from start to finish, and is used to beautiful effect in the film. My favorite version of course is the one with Jack Fairy at the end, during the Death of Glitter concert. “Your cigarette traces a ladder” is probably one of my favorite lyrics from the entire film – SO poetic.

20th Century Boy ✨ T.Rex

as performed by Placebo

Flavor profile: the chunkiest hunk of brittle you’ve ever sunk your teeth into

This song is just so perfect in every way, both in the film and on the OST. I find the melody a bit repetitive and the lyrics boring, which is why I didn’t include in my top faves list, but Placebo’s delivery of it is smashing, right down to the chunky guitar riffs at the very end. Leaves me with chills every time.

The Whole Shebang ✨ Grant Lee Buffalo

Flavor profile: a little bland until the bubbles start popping

A fluffy little song, but I love singing along with the chorus, and it’s a great fit for where it appears in the film. (Note to Todd Haynes and co: can we see the whole music video please? I love JRM’s Elvis-like sneer and head wobbles so much).

Needle in the Camel’s Eye ✨ Brian Eno

Flavor profile: sharp, sweet, sassy lemon

Also an interesting song to me, and one that fits the mood of the opening credits scene like a glove. With repeat listenings I’ve come to believe that even though it comes in hard with those brassy guitar chords, it’s actually not a very heavy song. The sheer joy and simplicity of it really shines through and captures the euphoric feeling of running through the streets with your best mates so well. I’m not even bothered by how repetitive the melody is, because each repetition brings something new with it.

NB: I’d never heard of Eno before and was intrigued to discover that snippets from a couple of his other songs were included in the film (Dead Finks and Fat Lady). They are more curiosities to me than anything I truly love, but I sometimes enjoy listening to them all the way through just for the hell of it.

Top 5 for that Retro Flavor

Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah!) ✨ Gary Glitter Joan Jett

Flavor profile: velvety-smooth with a little grit and spice sprinkled in

I do like the original version of this track but have a hard time stomaching the thought of supporting the original singer in any way. Thank goodness for Joan Jett’s excellent cover version!

Virginia Plain ✨ Roxy Music

Flavor profile: also smooth as velvet but with no grit to speak of, just bright fruity flavor

This song is pure fun from start to finish and matches the tone of the scene perfectly. I especially love how it ends right at the moment when Shannon is being introduced to the entourage.

Cosmic Dancer ✨ T.Rex

Flavor profile: warm and milky goodness

A delicately winding journey of a song. I love the soft intimacy of Mandy doing Brian’s makeup during it – wish we had one of those scenes for her and Jack or Curt too.

Ladytron ✨ Roxy Music

performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: can I say chocolate? Stoneground, with both sugar and spice of course.

This song grew on me, thanks in part to the distant bewitching intro before the quavering vocals set in. The guitar solos provide fire for the sex scene between Brian and Mandy, and I like how it fades out at the end (unlike the actual ending of their relationship).

Tumbling Down ✨ Steve Harley

as performed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: whipped syllabub with bombastic notes of cherry and lime

This scene with JRM alone and gussied up as Maxwell Demon is possibly the most dramatic finale for a character I’ve ever seen in film or theatre, and I’ve seen a fair amount of both. His rendition of the song doesn’t quite seize me by the heart like other versions I’ve heard (especially the live Steve Harley version with guitar, harmonica and little else), but the musical backing more than makes up for it, along with the tawdry glamor and sparkle of costume and set. The song feels both retro and timeless somehow, despite (or because of?) the nonsensical lyrics, and I find myself singing them every now and then without quite knowing why. RIP Maxwell Demon.

Honorable Mentions

Sebastian ✨ Steve Harley

as sung by Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Flavor profile: a vanilla bean dipped in confectioner's sugar

This song gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, it has the somber and dirge-like melody that doesn't always sit well with me, but on the other hand, something about JRM’s delivery of it, of Brian’s cool gaze over an audience that doesn’t quite despise him but definitely doesn’t appreciate his unique brand of showmanship, lingers with me. “Your lips ruby blue” – now there’s a line that’s hard to forget.

Diamond Meadows ✨ T.Rex

Flavor profile: huckleberry crumble with blobs of cream

It took me a little while to come around to this song, but I now think it underscores the Brian and Curt doll scene quite well. Childlike, bordering on naughty, and repeating in endearing loops until it abruptly cuts itself short. (That might describe much of Marc Bolan’s opus, come to think of it).

Symphony No. 6 in A Minor ✨ Gustav Mahler

Flavor profile: less of a flavor and more like a whiff of buttery, mouthwatering mystery

I didn’t recognize this as a Mahler piece for a while, but the clip played during Jack’s slow descent down the stairs at the Sombrero, and the following scene of him under intense scrutiny in the restaurant, fits SO well. Carter Burwell or whoever managed to interweave Mahler with 60s soul, glam rock stylings, and the Spacetime theme in the span of just a few minutes was at the top of their game. 💋

@25yearsofvelvetgoldmine

#ok now I'm craving dessert #or a good stiff drink #if a mix were a menu...#friyay #25yearsofvelvetgoldmine #velvet goldmine

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kouxbe · 4 months

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christmas open mic kou performing ... d.o that's okay

it hadn't been something he'd planned. though again, kou was never someone who meshed well with the idea of planning – for some reason, his life had always felt like a pile of things accidentally falling into place.

it comes in hushed whispers from the trainees at the building. an open mic night – a somewhat good way to try and get some exposure and experience. probably not the most effective, but the trainees there seemed desperate enough to grab onto anything. and most of them genuinely seemed as though they liked the idea of performing for a crowd.

"you should do it too kou," a trainee says, nudging kou's shoulder.

"huh? me?"

"why not? you've been here for a month already. don't you wanna see how much you've improved?"

kou blinks. "i don't think i've improved that much though..."

it's his turn to step on stage. the idea of performing in front of a crowd isn't foreign to him, he's done it enough in japan, and more often than one would think in korea ( next gen and dead calm ), but it's a little different now, standing on stage alone with nothing but his guitar and just a month's worth of training on his back.

"uhm, hello. i'm sato kou," he bows, and his head accidentally hits the mic, causing it to make a high pitched noise. "oh sorry," he says, blinking. "i'll be performing a song, that i've been really into lately. it's called that's okay."

he wants to say something else, wants to say that this song is dedicated to a special person, someone he holds close to his heart and can't seem to stop thinking about. that the lyrics have somehow perfectly expressed his own emotions. but he doesn't, because he's both short on time and isn't sure if a trainee publicly professing their love for someone else is the best thing to do.

"so for y...ou... all out there, that's okay." close enough.

he strums his guitar and a soft melody begins to play, no longer is he the boy that had accidentally hit his head on the microphone.

i feel like i'm losing myself in the many emotions that have gone by from a certain point, i became used to the rules i follow to hide my heart, oh, uh, oh

he begins to sing, and quite honestly he feels as though there's been some sort of improvement with his pronunciation. he continues to sing, voice floating through the crowd.

like time passing all the happy days and all the heart-breaking days i’m naturally letting them go like the sun and moon that rises and sets

he's a lot more comfortable now, singing. though as he's singing, a face appears in the back of his head. singing is the closest thing to pouring his heart out, and he feels as though he's doing so in front of a crowd. an unspoken public confession.

it's then when he tears his eyes away from his guitar and looks up at the audience. yuwol is there, yuwol is there and he's looking at him and kou wants to rip out his soul and give it to yuwol right there and then. he wants to place it on a silver platter, he wants the words – his voice – to be the only thing that yuwol can focus on.

his heart tightens and there's a sort of fluttering in his chest that seems to have been bottled up from his stomach. butterflies, is what they call it. he can't seem to tear his eyes away from yuwol. so pretty, so so pretty. in a sea of people, his eyes can only spot yuwol.

like the countless stars always in the same place i'll shine as much as i can so don’t hide yourself but show me you, just as you are, it’s alright, it’s alright

he smiles, and it's bright. kou's never been a big smiler, his own mother had pointed it out to him years ago ( you can't keep that blank expression forever! ) but when he's with yuwol – when he sees yuwol, he's so overwhelmed with happiness that smiling only feels natural.

it's alright, it's alright.

today, for the first time i faced my honest heart i even hesitate to stand in front of the mirror why is my face so awkward?

he likes yuwol. kou likes yuwol, he really likes yuwol. that is his honest heart. he wonders momentarily if yuwol can understand the depth of his feelings? if the song is reaching him? and then, he wonders if he'll ever reach yuwol.

all the unspoken worries all the deeply paved scars time always passes at the same speed tt will wash it all away just like always so you can just go with the flow, it’s alright, it’s alright

he ends off the song with the chorus, his fingers against the guitar strings slowly fading away. "thank you," he says into the mic, before bowing. once more, the top of his head hits the mic and a loud echo spreads across the bar. "oh, sorry."

#be:xmasmarket2023 #beyuwol #because mentioned........#i do not wish to be perceived rn.............

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aurik6 · 1 year

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Bro... why Dance Moms is so traumatizing?

Like, I watched this show when I was 8 (I honestly felt so much the same as the kids because my mom also used to argue like a lot woth my music teacher) but I thought "It's only a show", so most of the things weren't the truth of the highest instance.

But bro, kids' emotions were real... Like when I see when theses 10 yo girls crying – my heart is aching and I also kinda remember my own experience with a toxic teacher, but I wasn't participating some kind of crazy show with crazy producers! I didn't sign contracts, y know?

Those shows are insane and I feel fucking bad for the girls, tho now they're grown up people, some of them are kinda my peers, but still it is a pain to see all those horrible things which were done to them.

My fav has always been Chloe, Idk I really enjoyed her lyrical solos and her as a performer but there were so many times when she was hated by Abbey for.. nothing? Like you see it's a talented beautiful girl and she's treated like that? (I also experienced this shit as my flute teacher had "favourites" so she just didn't want me to participate, she didn't want me to u know play the music? Develop my abilities? Like hell no, she'd start a conflict via my parents just to make me quit because she had already chosen her favs there was no place for me lol)

Also, Nia. I hated how she has always been kinda neglected, she was rarely given solos, even tho she was a great team player and knew what is teamwork in group dances, seems like she wasn't praised for that because probably 'everyone else also do group routine' but lol to be a great team player – is a huge advantage of this girl and those strenghts weren't highlighted, seems like everyone noticed the flaws only.

like wtf everyone has different skills and abilities and the teacher's responsibility is to help students to strengthen their beneficial sides and at the same time to boost the demerits in order to make a young person become closer to a professional, just fucking teach aaaaauauahh((( not humiliate some of your students and make favourites of others like damn they should realize themselves if they really want to compete, not you making them fighting!!!!

I loved Maddie's performances because she really had the technique, attitude, confidence, but there was too much pressure for a little girl to endure like omfl... I just can't stand this shit when literally everyone is traumatized and manipulated. Little kids. Fuck

These shows are the worst thing because they mix professional life and personal life. Real emotions and staged scripts. Real goals and commodifyed pain.

((((

Like yeah, ppl love seeing drama but it's fine unless you're involved! I feel like I said nothing and everything at the same time, but the only thing I have no doubts about is that little children should never been treated like they were and I have only my compassion and faith words to... express my feelings toward it?

#kirua9 #my shit #rant #dance moms

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chaseyesterdays · 9 months

Note

Mahonia and papyrus?

mahonia: what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

You know, I see what you mean about these ask games being too subjective. Good lord, how the fuck do I answer this?

Basically what it comes down to for me inspiration-wise is this: I either see something done really right, or really wrong. For example: I went to a production the other night in which some of the actors sang eighties and nineties power ballads in three part harmony. Afterwards, all I wanted to do was sing, because they all blended so well together and I wanted to be a part of that myself. Similarly, I watched some of the less seasoned performers in that show really struggle to find their characters, and all I could think was "Hmm, okay, here's what I would do different and how I would execute that nuance more effectively," and down the mental rabbit hole I went.

Same thing goes for writing too - sometimes I see words woven together so beautifully it creates a visceral reaction in me and I just...desperately want to make something that beautiful or impactful myself. Sometimes I read (or see, thanks to tv and film) something so poorly constructed or just outright bad that I have to try and fix it. I don't even know if this is really answering the question or not, because I don't know if any of this is inspiration so much as it's motivation to create or correct, but that's usually what spurs me into action, so. I guess it works?

(As for what inspires fics... God only knows. Most of those things hit me like a meteor strike in the middle of the most boring fucking banal things you could imagine. If I had a dime for every time a plot bunny caught me in the shower or while I'm working my actual full time job, I...probably wouldn't need the job, to be honest.)

papyrus: if you put your 'on repeat' playlist on shuffle, what's the first song that comes up? what do you like about it/associate it with?

(Under a cut because this is insanely long and also...way more emotional than I intended to be, but I am at the mercy of shuffle here, so.)

I literally just did this and the song it picked is "The View Between Villages (Extended Version)" by Noah Kahan. And that just...fucking wrecks me, to be honest. In the best way, but whoo boy, shuffle is coming for the jugular tonight.

I discovered that song a few days ago (and honestly it's got some verses in it that are very Percy-coded), but when I listened to it for the first time, all I could see is my two best friends' hometown in the mountains. All I could feel is that...bittersweet longing for things you just can't have back. Hiraeth, I think they call it - a homesickness for a home you can never return to, or a home that never existed in the first place. Mine is in those mountains, and I hear it in the most...insane ways in that song.

So, for starters, the first time I visited my closest friend Su in her hometown (six hours away from mine), it was 2014 and all we listened to was the soundtrack for The Fault in Our Stars. M83's song "Wait" was on that soundtrack and I fucking loved it - we listened to it driving at night, when the streetlights smear against the night sky and you can only see by the backlit numbers on the dash, and it was just such an atmospheric song for those summer nights with the windows down and the mountain breeze coming in. I don't know why, but that was one of two or three songs I've come to associate with that place, and I hear them in my head every time I drive back into town.

Cut to a few years later when I'm in the same town, but hanging out with my second best friend. Aly. The one I called "sister" because "friend" never seemed to be enough. We listened to so many of the same songs, and so many memories of the things we did in that exact same place got attached to those songs as a result. They went on my playlists and I would send those playlists to her sometimes - music was such an outlet for us both, and trauma bonding drives people together in some strange, strange ways.

Now, cut to July 2022 when Su and I drive back into town for our sister's funeral. Grief thick in the back of our throats, eyes too glazed over to really see. Some of those same songs are on my sad playlist, because they made me think of her. Made me think of all the places we'd been and things we'd done. Made me miss those things. Made me realize none of us would ever have those things again.

And then fucking Noah Kahan releases a song that's...objectively about his hometown. About the love you have for a place and the desire to just...run from it. Drive away and never look back. Feeling the hold it has on you, the tether that keeps you here, stuck between two places, suspended. "The things that I lost here, the people I knew - they got me surrounded for a mile or two. Left past the graveyard, I'm driving past ghosts; their arms are extended, my eyes start to close. The car's in reverse, I'm gripping the wheel - I'm back between villages, and everything's still." And Jesus Fucking Christ if that isn't everything I feel when I think about Aly's hometown. When I drove back through it for what I knew might be the last time, right past the house she never came home to, past the graveyard where they buried her ashes.

And here's the kicker: it sounds so much like those songs we used to listen to together. There's a huge layered vocal swell that reminds me so much of "Wait." The build from something soft into something huge and loud and impactful is both "Wait" and "All I Want". The vibe and some of the harmonies I add in over the melody line when I sing along make me think of "The Night We Met" in places - the last song I sang for her, the one that autoplayed literally right as I drove by her house for her funeral. And all of that, all of that is mirrored for me in this song.

It makes no sense. It makes perfect sense. And this is way, way more than you asked for, I know. But I've listened to this thing over and over so many times now, and every single time, it just hits me in the face with all of the above.

Will it speak to everyone that way? No, and I would never expect it to. But goddamn if it doesn't hurt just the way I need it to now, driving home alone in my car, windows down and sky night-dark and dashboard lights the only thing to guide my way.

#jesus i'm so sorry i didn't intend that to get...bittersweet?#but I am at the mercy of the prompts and the shuffle so.#cw: grief #ask game #essay of thoughts #forcie rambles #adventures of a panic-stricken word nerd

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nahmanidontwantto · 2 years

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Honestly, I've never been a big fan of birthdays (kinda funny seeing as I'm writing this post on my birthday) and I believe the biggest thing is that I lack any enjoyment from the entire thing, whether it be my birthday or someone else's. I believe this is due to the amount of stress they give me with no payoff. Presents to me are only seen as an expectation and being forced to participate is not enjoyable. I know how I'm supposed to feel when giving and getting presents, but my emotional reactions are not accepted during this process which just leads to wanting to completely avoid this process altogether.

There can be completely different reasons when it comes to why I feel stressed during this process of being the giver or having things given to me. I think I'd like to start with the reasons I'm stressed when I need to give a gift to someone else:

Big chance that they do not enjoy the present

I am not allowed to ask what they want (in my experience. People really seem to value the surprise of it all.)

I do not feel attached to most people and don't feel like I can give an adequate present to those I don't know completely

I do not want to put pressure on others to like a present I gave them

And while there may be some similarities in these lists, I want to also present why I don't like getting presents:

People do not like giving people gift cards (gift cards are actually very helpful to me; they allow me to make my own choice on what I want.)

There is an expectation to act excited at every present

I have never really learned how to act excited

I do not feel anything when I get presents and thus very difficult to express gratitude

Most of the time people do not know what I like

I've been forced to write letters saying thank you to people every time I got something from them. I do not have enough words to say thank you to so many people and would rather get nothing at all.

There is just too much pressure to act happy when I feel nothing at a majority of presents. While I am thankful for them I struggle to express that outwardly. I find that the best way to open presents in a setting that I feel comfortable with is to open them when I am alone. It relieves a lot of stress I get from performing and many of my friends seem to be okay with me not giving them presents. It makes it so I can still celebrate them and have a good time without a lot of stress.

#personal talk #szpd #schizoid personality disorder #personality disorder

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airenyah · 1 year

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i completely understand the ohm obsession and i cannot thank you enough for all your insights on acting (his and also in general) too! i LOVE reading what you have to say and learning from you at the same time! watching series (i also just watched the latest 10yt ep) feels like an even more involved experience now because i can actively analyse the acting (i keep coming back to your post to see how ohm does such and such) too! thank you x1000000 and please know that i am consensually kissing your ginormous brain <3

anon, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you so much for your lovely message, it delights me greatly!!!!!!!!!! I read your ask earlier and I was sitting in my bed at the time and once I’d finished reading I kind of just fell forward, burying my head into my blanket and squealing like a little child for like a minute, that’s how happy your words made me 💕

I’m so glad to hear that I managed to explain things clearly enough that others (in this case you specifically) can get something out of it!! honestly, I’ve been so shy when it comes to talking about acting here on tumblr because I feel like I can’t express what I mean very well. And the problem is what I’ve mentioned so far really is just a quick overview, there are many concepts I definitely forgot about (obviously I don’t have a list in my head, I just notice things as I’m watching) and those that I did talk about, well, I really didn’t go into a lot of detail there, it was more of a quick summary (there is SO. MUCH. You really can’t sum up 3 years of drama school into one single tumblr post hahaha)

and also, unfortunately I can’t just go and analyze a clip second by second while you listen. I mean okay yeah, in some cases and for some specific concepts gifs will do the trick (like in my bbs ep 3 sniffing scene analysis) but with a lot of things it’s just easier when you have the entire clip with sound and all, where you can also jump back and forth and then maybe go find another example for comparison to make things a little clearer

because often a performing concept or performing technique will be easier to understand when you’ve seen someone do it “wrong”. I’m saying “wrong” here in quotation marks because I’m only putting it that way for the sake of simplicity. There isn’t really a right or wrong here, it’s usually much more about “if you perform it this way then you’ll likely have this effect on the audience, if you perform it that way then you’ll likely have that effect on the audience. Which one do you wanna achieve as an actor?” Though, one can definitely say that performing a certain way will touch the audience more or they will have an easier time following the story and the emotions compared to performing it a different way. Again, it’s a lot like food: put sugar in one recipe and it’ll taste amazing and people can’t stop eating, put sugar in another and people will refuse to eat it because it tastes so bad to them, put sugar in yet another recipe and it might be perfectly edible but would probably be a whole lot more enjoyable without the sugar

what I mean by that is: it might come to situations where I’ll be like “this actor has this aggressive undertone 90% of the time and we’re half-way through the drama and it’s starting to annoy me and make me dislike the character and the relationship” or “this actor has no thoughts behind their actions and so watching them just bores me” (yes these are real-life opinions that I’ve recently had. No I will not be revealing said dramas publicly, but if anyone reading this is curious then feel free to come into my dms and I might spill the tea)

comparing various scenes of an actors using a technique well with actors using that technique not so well really helps with learning how to analyze acting because you’ll see the different effects it’ll have on you as a viewer when someone uses a technique well vs someone who’s bad at it

I do have some “bad” examples that I could tell you about and fun fact: that even includes แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน BAD BUDDY SERIES (my most beloved <3). but as I’ve said before, I just don’t feel comfortable sharing the negativity publicly, because I don’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings. And I don’t like getting into arguments, especially public ones, so I don’t want to get any stupid comments on my posts or in my ask box. However, if you’re curious my dearest anon, you’re very welcome to come right into my dms for some deeper discussion on that. And you don’t have to be nervous about revealing your identity, because sharing my observations with you in even more detail would definitely bring me great joy💕 (this goes for anyone reading this, btw, feel free to slide into my dms fsjksd)

in fact, I wish I could do this one acting analysis project with you that I did with my friend!! quick backstory: back in november 2021 I watched this old korean drama and I ended up getting super obsessed with it because I realized there were remakes from other countries which I then also ended up watching and comparing all these version was a suuuuper eye opening experience for me when it comes to “well used technique” vs “badly used technique” (I learned A LOT from this when in regard to acting) And then half-way through the semester something came up in the uni course my friend and I attend together and I ended up mentioning some acting concept and realized that said kdrama & remakes were a perfect example of that and I wanted to show her

And this turned into this month long project throughout november 2022, in which I selected a sequence that had the exact same plot and context in both versions and I showed them to her in several rounds and let her do the analyzing first without me telling her a thing. So the first time around she got absolutely zero info from me, she knew absolutely nothing about the plot, or the characters or anything. I turned off the subtitles as well as the sound and let take a look at ONLY the visuals. For the 2nd round the only thing she got in addition was the sound but I still didn’t tell her anything about the plot or the characters. In the 3rd round I finally told her about the plot and had her watch everything with the context in mind. And only in the final round did I turn on the subtitles. After every round we spent at least an hour discussing everything that she saw or noticed or how she felt watching it but I didn’t tell her any of my own thoughts. I wanted her to make up her own mind first and discover things for herself. It was a quite interesting project, both for me and for her! And yeah, I wish I could do this with you because I’m sure it would be eye-opening for you! (you don’t happen to live in austria, do you? 😂 well, maybe we could figure out a remote solution with screensharing or something...)

also thank you for calling my brain ginormous 🥰 i'll accept the compliment, but let me tell you, it really isn't that big yet!! i wish you could hear what my fave monologue teacher and my camera acting teacher always had to say in class!!! and also, you should really hear what my mom has to say on performing, i feel like such a baby next to her. seriously, the THINGS she SEES?????

story time (sorry i know this is super long already): we were watching the eclipse together, right, and at some point after weeks, towards the end of the series when akkayan start dating, we were just watching this episode, right? and suddenly my mom goes: *pointing at khaotung* "he seems tense, his inner balance seems off"

and i'm just sitting there like "???????? what are you talking about???? they're literally just lying down in bed, HOW can you tell???????"

she tried to explain it to me but i was just left super confused. i think it was an episode later (or maybe the same episode but some scenes later?? i don't remember) there was another scene where they were standing upright and my mom hit pause and went "here, do you see how [insert explanation]" and i was like "oh. okay yeah. yeah that makes sense. i think i know what you mean". and then during the finale (i think?) there was another moment where i even noticed something before my mom said it and then she pointed it out and i was like "yeah i caught that too!!!!"

i also showed her the only friends trailer and there's this one shot where khaotung is sitting on the bed with book, right? and my mom paused the video and went "huh? that's funny. half of his body looks tense while the other half looks completely relaxed" (half meaning left/right, not upper half and lower half). again i was just sitting there like "HOW?????? HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE THIS?????"

(admittedly, my mother works in the medical field and she's close to finishing a 2(?) year training program as a massage therapist, so i guess she'd know about tense bodies from having first hand experience hahaha)

well, i'll stop it here bc i'm sure this is already over 1000 words long again oops. if you've made it all the way down here, then i really appreciated that and give you forehead kiss (if you like that, of course. if not then i'll give you a hug or a highfive or a wave or whatever else you're comfortable with). then again, you've also read my 3.7k analysis on ohm's acting so…

#adrm #asks #anon #honestly my mother and i have thought about making a reaction youtube channel where we analyze acting #and other kind of performances bc we've realized it always comes down to the same principles no matter what it is #i'm not even joking... i'm majoring in translation studies and my education in acting has been unexpectedly useful even for that!!#bc reaching your target audience is a big deal in translation/interpretation and i literally learned how to do that at drama school #anyway back to my mom and i's youtube channel idea...#the problem with that is i don't quite get how youtube works when it comes to being an actual youtuber #and how things work with copyright and stuff #and also i study two federal states away so i'm not actually home all that much #plus when my mom and i analyze it just gets very specific and very technical and as you've seen it's just really difficult in english #if it's already difficult for me you can just imagine how difficult it would be for my mom who can't speak english with that much ease yet #(she understands it without a problem but she doesn't have a lot of speaking practice so she struggles to express herself)#(and it would be even harder for her when trying to go into detail about what performers do)#but yeah it's an idea we've been toying with bc we think some people out there would absolutely be into it #ahhh in two weeks i get to go home for semester break and i finally get to get nerdy about acting with my mom again!!!!#truly it's like we speak our own language when it comes to performing

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restwellsoon · 1 year

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I found you on AO3 and let me just say your writing absolutely blows me away. I’m going through a Jason Todd hyperfixation at the moment and I finished Words with Friends in 2 days.

“Stick and stones,” Jason used to say in college after trading insults. But there were too many words between you, some said and some left unspoken. You weren’t sure which ones hurt more.

The dialogue, the way you described the character’s emotions, and the pacing of the story -jumping between character’s POV’s and from past to present. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING was so fucking amazing. You really nailed the mix between angst and humor too.

“Don’t touch them,” Jason snapped. ��Do you know how much shit I gave my secretary to get those?”

He made his voice higher to imitate his voice, “‘Uhh sir, I don’t know if Mr. Wayne would like it if he knew you were charging a personal item to the company card.’” His voice went back to normal. “Well, Michael, you little fuck, I’m also Mr. Wayne, in case you forgot, so just order the damn flower

Poor Mikhail. Of course Jason wouldn’t bother to call him anything but Michael. If a secretary makes it past the 2 year mark, does Bruce or Dick give them a congratulatory plaque, a 2 week all expenses paid vacation, and a bump in pay?

Anyways I just wanted to pop in and rave over your work. It’s honestly had me thinking about writing a series for a reader x Jason Todd set in the young justice universe but I’m currently working on another series right now for a different fandom that I haven’t touched for a year.

Do you have any tips for writer’s block and for finishing a WIP? It just feels like I have so many ideas but the hardest part is getting the motivation to write or being able to transcribe what I’m thinking into something somewhat coherent on paper.

Thank you so much for sharing your talent with us. I’ll just be binging your other works in the meantime ❤️

You're so sweet! Thank you for enjoying Words with Friends and for taking the time to talk to me about it.

As far as tips for writers block and finishing your WIPs, I suggest just going at your own pace! Especially if you're in multiple fandoms, there can be this pressure to pay equal attention to both or to not start something until you've finished the other fic. If you're feeling stuck on one WIP, work on another one instead. I find that's an easy way to prevent burn out on your fic, the fandom and maintain motivation.

But if the motivation isn't there, don't force it! You're (most likely) not getting paid to write fanfic, so there's really no reason to get hung up or force yourself to do something that isn't enjoyable at the time. Writing should be a fun way to explore your creativity. Where's the fun in performing obligations?

As far as transcribing ideas from your head onto paper, try using bullet points for significant events or quotes and working around that instead of creating detailed outlines. I find that this bare bones structure gives me more flexibility to add details or see where I'm stuck in a story.

Also your question about compensation for Mikhail got my creative juices flowing so here's a fun lil Words with Friends extra below the cut!

Thanks for sending me a message!

As expected, there's a compensation program at Wayne Enterprises for competent and dedicated employees who report directly to any of the Wayne family members. It was actually Alfred who convinced Bruce of this - there's a lot of invisible work (and visible blood, sweat and tears!) that goes into making the Waynes successful, functioning adults. All employees that directly report to any Wayne member actually start at 1.5x the normal amount of PTO compared to other employees, that turns in 2x the amount after reaching the one year mark. The extra PTO is due to the stressful nature of their jobs; it also takes a lot of time and effort to train new employees to meet each Wayne's expectations so the 1.5x is also for retention purposes. They're also paid quite handsomely as well.

Only a few people know this, but Jason has a picture in his office of him and Mikhail at his 2-year employment anniversary. Jason's looking smug while Mikhail's face is neutral as he holds up a piece of paper that says, "I survived 2 years with Jason Todd-Wayne and all I got was this stupid fucking certificate." He originally had it posted on the WE Intranet but Tim quickly shut that down.

Along with getting all unwanted gifts that Jason receives, Mikhail also gets a lot of other perks that the other Wayne secretaries don't have: a paid for apartment in the nice part of the city so he can't complain about cost of living or living in a bad part of town; a company car of his choice so he can pick up Jason from wherever he is; and Mikhail surprisingly works less than the rest of them - Jason mostly wants him to manage his schedule and prevent annoying people from entering his office. Unlike his siblings, Jason doesn't like attending events unless they're mandated so Mikhail typically clocks in and clocks out. The other secretaries typically follow their bosses at all events or go in their stead. And the price of all these perks? Jason gets to be a dick sometimes and call him the wrong name.

#rest replies #erenscherub #rest receives praise #extras.wwf

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hijirikaww · 1 year

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Ooooh now you're *really* onto something there (you have a really nice way with words btw??) - myu's ice + masa's water + kira's dark energy = the coolest combo!!! They'd have such an elegant mysterious vibe to them....I SO want to see this now!! Aww you're right and I *so* want to see them having a tea party, bless (just don't tell natsuki okay?)

THE HORSEBACK AND THE SWORDS THOUGH?? Absolute peak, your brain is 👌👌 magnificent. Going back a bit here but the way I Need to see Camus doing Hwa's wonderland symphony part....the grand sword gestures......it was made for him 😭

With how much Camus suffers around quartet night, I think he'd appreciate the moment of peace Masato & Kira could offer 😂

On a different tangent here: do you think Sannie & Cecil would get along? Since San loves cats and he's basically an irl cat too.....him & Cecil = same wavelength maybe? 😆

Okay but you're so right, it's impossible to bias one member of the demon line & not stan the rest too!! Sanhwa are especially powerful when they're together 😵‍💫 Ateez as a whole are incredible performers, I'm actually a stay but Ateez quickly became my second ults, I couldnt resist them 😭 Do you stan other groups btw? 👀

I'm sorry but I actually don't know that video 😭 but I'll look for it!!!! But gosh, hwa in a wig.....I'm immediately thinking like, do you know when lee know from stray kids wore the long wig? I'm seeing the vision here....hwa with long blonde hair please we need it 😭😭 can you imagine him doing a dramatic hair flip??

The way I saw mamma and instantly thought you were talking about hwa (the mom vibes y'know??) 😂 I love your thoughts please keep them coming 👌✨✨

Okay ahem so AAAAAA while reading this ask I went through so many emotions and became so happy ok?? I need a minute to gather myself back together lol.

Firstly thank you so much for the compliment - this is literally the unfiltered flow of my brain through a keyboard sksjdjsjs but most importantly, I really LOVE rambling with you about this!! Thank YOU for that!!

Dear Broccoli, when do we get this trio plz?

And god forbid Natsuki finds the tea party (something tells me his natural chaos would manage to do it somehow)!!! He would literally crash it with happiness and enthusiasm and sparkles and rainbows and honestly? Chances are he had just been carrying a batch of self-baked cookies that he just HAS TO SHARE.... let's just say they switch locations after that event, and remain ever vigilant..

Literally the next week Natsuki would have probably appeared again this time with an entire angry-cat-Syo to join the party.

Actually, something tells me Kira would develop a Natsuki sensor. Like, without a word he would get up and walk off to like a back room and leave Masa and Myu (gotta rant about this in a sec hold up) in their confusion before they look out the window and see Natsuki round a corner 5 seconds later and just KNOW he KNOWS. From then on they use the Kira detector as a safety feature, it is very reliable :)

SO MYU. I FORGOT ABOUT THAT NICKNAME, *THANK YOU FOR BRINGING IT BACK TO MY ATTENTION*!!!

Like I love Moose passionately, but Myu is so endearing!!! 🥺 precious ice prince mode activated 💙

Ps.. I love how tall he is??? People do not appreciate that enough about this man me thinks. What are your thoughts on that matter?

//I love how every one of these gets longer than the last lol this is so wonderful ~♡

Okay so... I HATE how on point you are about San and Cecil. This should not be allowed. Omg. They would seriously be great buds. They would tune into each other's unique aloofness and work so well. I feel like they wouldn't like, be joined at the hip (like Woo likes to do hahaha) but - much like a real cat-human relationship - be super happy and close with each other when they see each other every so often? Like they are comfortable with the little breaks in between but whenever they are spending time together they are the bestest of buds.

.....

Sanhwa is the absolute BEST.

That is all I've got on that. No words needed. Amazeballs. Mind blowing. Holy floof.

.....

I THINK I remember seeing LK in a wig?.. Not entirely certain if my mind maybe made it up though. Was it Halloween costume related by any chance? Bet he looked stunning. Is he your bias in Skz? Owo

I am soooorrt of a multi stan?? Like I really stan ATEEZ way above all, I don't super follow other groups with every single release etc. But I do know a lot of other groups and listen to soooooooooo many different groups I can't keep track :)

Skz is perhaps the group I know the second best?????? Me thinks?? Might be shared with Enhypen. Anyway, 3racha is the bomb. They are all super talented and badass too. My wholehearted approval. The other day I actually learned the 143 challenge!!! It is so fun to do!! :D

Anyways, speaking of boys in wigs, boys with LONG HAIR THO. I sure love those ;)

.. Camus totally gets that right 👌🏻💯🌠

Even mullets! It is really unbelievable just how fabulous boys can be :)

Btw this is the video I was talking about! Very funny and worth watching haha~

I 100% approve of the mom Hwa vibes because really? Does it get any more wholesome than that? He is a blessing to this world seriously. So sweet, so caring and kind :)

Speaking of all these mammas, made me think of Mama - like the show each year - BOY DID YOU SEE THEM KILLING IT WITH THOSE STAGES!?!?!?! THE SECOND YEAR!?!? HWAS OUTFIT???? (EVERYONE'S OUTFIT?!?!?!?!?)

Omg. Like, they sure let out the demons in that one. Beautiful work of art that stage is from front to back, I'm still so blown away by it.

SINCE I CAN MAKE THIS POST EVEN LONGER:

Did you follow Kingdom???? Skz and TEEZ slayed so hard. Tbh all groups did tho. Amazing content. Blown away.

Special mentions go to WOLF cover with their mixed members (and Peniel slaying) was so good. Can still not believe there is such awesome content out there just like that.

Hope your day is going well, you sure are improving mine! Sending happiness your way! ~☆

#ask!#loooong ass post #should probably add a read more hold up #yayy #strawberry-ren #Emmy babbles #uwu #happy inbox noises #happy Emmy times #how do you add read more on mobile again #I remember going through this struggle before :(#sorry yall #edit: HUZZAH

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