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angelwithdemonictendencies · 10 months

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i wanted you until the halloween masks all melted down my face; finally the burns are healing, finally i can see you.

am34 x reader: a very different take on older brother’s best friend.

(warnings: NO SMUT! (crazy how that goes in my warnings). only tension, here. no actual smut. lots of family dynamic speak and emotional healing and childhood trauma and stuff of the like, but i promise it has a happy ending - maybe the happiest ending i’ve ever written. be kind to yourself. only read if you’re 100% sure.)

(a/n: let me preface this by saying this is simply a character who’s face-claim is auston. THIS IS NOT MY TAKE ON AUSTON MATTHEWS, SO DO NOT COME AT ME FOR THAT. honestly, i’ll be mad as hell if i get hate about that, so don’t even think about it. i did not proof-read, either. my favorites - i apologize, this is very different than what i normally write. but, right now, i’m not in a place where i can write good smut (trust me, i tried). this is what i can write right now, so i figured something is better than nothing. there is plenty of great smut on this site to go around, i promise. more so than any other of my stories, this fictional you is the star. she is healing and she is growing and she is so, so beautiful, inside and out. please know that this story is very personal to me. and while i refuse to take any hate personally, please be kind. sometimes we make someone up to be perfect as a distraction, like a survival technique. favorites, you and your snakes deserve to grow and heal and love yourself so brutally and wholly. i don’t know if and/or when i’ll see you next, but know i’m thinking of you often and fondly. go canucks. gif is not mine. love always.

it was the smell you noticed first, as you arrived back. your childhood home, exactly as you had left it, last summer. as if it had simply ceased to exist when you were away. exactly the same, yet foreign. and that smell, something like your mother’s subtle perfume and the cleaning spray your father used in the kitchen.

it made your stomach turn.

it made you young again.

you hugged your family hello, attempting to push any anxiety that nipped at your nerves away. you should be happy to be home, you told yourself. you should be happy, it’s normal to be happy, just be normal, please.

your mother said something about your trip and traffic before returning to her desk, your father mumbled something about barely recognizing you as he continued to prepare dinner, your brother barely looked at you before heading back to the basement.

and then, in a moment, you knew he was here. a kind of sixth sense you had developed in middle school. his voice came from behind you.

“welcome home, angel.”

oh, how his voice, that name, how it made time drip like syrup around you, made you lose your grip on what was here and what was there, what was now and what was then.

for as long as you could remember, auston matthews had been your older brother’s best friend. and for as along as you could remember, the mere thought of auston matthews sent a flurry of butterflies to spawn in your stomach, a fiery chill up your spine, a flush with a vengeance to your cheeks.

when had the butterflies been born? maybe it was when you were seven, him and your brother ten, when you were all playing pond hockey in your backyard. when he had given you his mittens because yours had gotten wet and your brother had refused. maybe it had been that simple, maybe that had been all it took.

maybe that big, perfect, toothy smile, flushed cheeks, on a winter night in your backyard had been it.

or maybe it had been strengthened a couple years later, when he invited you to play video games with them even though your brother had been furious, had slammed the door in your face.

maybe it had been that hand extended in the dark.

or maybe it had been solidified at your high school graduation, when he had been there, despite his season just barely being over, standing with your family and clapping as you walked across the stage to get your diploma.

maybe it had been the way he had hugged you that day, so hard it knocked your cap off, strong arms wrapping around your torso. the way he had whispered, “proud of you, angel,” into your ear.

for as long as you could remember, he had been grabbing a bottle of gatorade from your fridge, laughing from the next room over, his games on the television in your living room.

if your head was a living room, the sound of his voice would be the television static, constant and reliable and home.

your dad made his favorite meal when he stayed for dinner, your mom knew all his stats by heart. your brother was his best friend.

and you were there, had always been there. and every boy you had ever kissed hadn’t been their own person, they had only been not auston.

maybe it had been everything he had ever done. the way you had received everything he had ever done. do you ever get over your first crush? do you ever forgive them for stealing all your innocent peace and serenity?

do you ever want to?

you were older now, just finished your second year in university.

you were different now. everything would be different. that’s what you repeated in your head, over and over.

but he made you young again.

you turned to look at him, wholly unprepared for what awaited you.

“auston,” you greeted, more like an observation or statement.

of course distance had only made him more handsome. somehow taller, bigger, broader, more defined even through his sweatpants and shirt. his jaw sharper, emphasized by his five-o’clock shadow, his eyes brighter, lashes longer, hair messier and curlier and more lovely.

everything about him lovely, and no longer just a memory, an image in your head. here he was, right in front of you, and that made him so much better in every way.

“that’s all you’ve got for me, angel?” he asked, smirk playing up on his lips, making your stomach turn in a different sort of way. he crossed his arms across his chest, shoulders straining against his t-shirt, leaned against the hallway frame. he looked down at you, eyes ever so teasing. “i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t disappointed.”

you wanted to slap yourself for how his words made your stomach drop. because oh, how you so despised the idea of disappointing him.

and you wanted to slap him, too, because you knew that he knew that, as well.

different, different, different. older, older, older.

“and what would you have preferred?” you quipped, a bite to your voice that made his smirk widen in a flash of teeth. “should i have jumped into your arms, teary-eyed?”

he pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, cocked his head, let his gaze melt down your body and up to your eyes again. the moment was heavy, potent. your skin hummed.

he shrugged. “even your dad got a hug,” was all he said. a flippant reminder that he knew you as well as anyone, that he knew all your family history, that he knew what made you tick. and worse, that he noticed you and what you did, what you were doing.

and you were young again, glassy-eyed at the dinner table as you counted the amount of times your father sighed after you spoke, making a tally with penne on your plate.

suddenly you couldn’t meet his eyes as he pushed himself off the wall, made to follow your brother back into the basement, gave a single, disbelieving shake of his head. “didn’t think you could get prettier,” he almost whispered.

he said it as if those words didn’t make your vision spin. you could practically see his prideful smirk as he walked down the stairs, leaving you, dazed, gripping your suitcase too tightly. here, and now.

your first few days at home were tough as you fought tooth and nail to maintain the confidence you had forged from what felt like nothing, to preserve the version of yourself that existed away from home, the version you had worked so hard to build.

but every comment felt charged, full of meaning, slight intention. this house seemed to suck the energy clean out of you, so you tried to be out of it as much as possible.

but auston was sitting at the table, on his phone, early one morning as you walked into the kitchen, having just woken up. his presence was like an electric shock to your body and mind, still soft with sleep.

you rubbed your eyes and adjusted your tank top, suddenly very aware of how you looked, how much skin you were showing.

you poured yourself a glass of water, poured a second one for him instinctually and placed it in front of him. he put his phone down immediately.

“thank you, angel,” he said easily, his eyes alight as you leaned back against the counter, crossed an arm in front of you, the other holding your glass.

his eyes on you seemed all too much, this early in the morning. you shuddered.

“welcome,” you rasped, pretended not to noticed how his eyes darkened at the sound of your voice, blushed and quickly decided it would probably be safest to leave. to get out before he could reduce you to shambles, the way he always did.

he got to you first.

“used to like to hang around me, angel,” he said, making you stop in your tracks, turn to face him. “what happened, hm?” he smiled. “don’t like me anymore?”

if only he knew. if only he knew just how much you still liked him, how it was still his mocking laugh in your head whenever you meaninglessly texted a boy from school.

“no,” was your simple answer. you cursed the waver in your voice.

“yeah? what’d i do?” he brought his cup to his full lips and took a slow sip, his swallow practically pornographic, at least to you. “used to follow me around like a puppy, now you won’t even look at me.”

you flushed deeper at the reminder of that wide-eyed, trembling little girl, who felt so far away, now. the one who hoped her older brother would invite his friend over, just so she could catch a glimpse of him.

"wasn’t like a puppy,” you mumbled, rosy shame tinting your neck and face.

he shook in a laugh. you both knew you were lying. the fact settled between you, energizing the space.

“no? look at me, then,” he said simply.

you did, and regretted it in a second, his gaze much too dark, heated. a trap. and you, sinking.

“sit,” he said. you did, sitting across from him at the table, again overcome with the urge to please. perhaps that little girl wasn’t so far away after all.

his eyes flashed again at your obedience. you watched him register the change in your demeanor - stiff to malleable, your gaze, once hard, suddenly so desperate.

this was the you he remembered.

“are you mad at me, angel?” he asked you, slow and deliberate.

you shook your head, fidgeted with your fingers.

“no?” his eyes were more prying than any touch could be. “then tell me what’s wrong, hm?” your felt your exhale come out shaky. he let out a tsk noise.

did you imagine the trembling of your lips? you willed stability into your voice.

“nothing’s wrong,” you choked out. “‘m just different now, that’s all. grown up.”

he nodded slowly, sighed, the silence and understanding heavy between you.

“you’ve really changed, hm, have you?”

it was your turn to nod, and the words in his mouth almost made you believe them.

you got up to leave with a steady exhale, but as you walked past his chair, he stood up, boxed you against the wall with his massive frame, one hand on the wall next to you, the other tilting your chin up so your gaze met his, truly.

you stayed in that position for a moment, your chest rising and falling in an undeniable way. you couldn’t help but drop your gaze to his lips for a moment, but a moment was enough. of course he noticed.

“you sure, pretty baby?” he rasped, so close you could feel his breath on your lips. he smirked before drawing back, leaving you there, almost drowsy with want and anger and a million other things. “i have my doubts.”

doubt, disappointment, it rattled around your head like the aftershocks of an earthquake.

and leaning there, you realized that underneath the rubble, you were just so afraid. downright terrified of - of what? not of auston, not of your family, not even of time itself.

it was that teary-eyed little girl, broken-hearted at the dinner table, braiding and undoing and braiding her hair while alone in her room.

she scared you so, so much.

and what was he playing at? what did it matter to him, if you were trying so hard to prove that you weren’t that little girl? he had never reciprocated your feelings, so why did he care now?

was he really so insistent on keeping your eyes wide, full of hope, and on him? always on him? did that really matter to him?

every sign was pointing to yes, it did. yes, you did.

and you realized there was more than one way to be different, older. more than one way to change.

so a few nights later, when your family sat down to watch his game, you did not join them, as you had for practically every game before.

the smallest act of rebellion, the smallest bit of difference, and yet already you could feel some kind of confidence solidify in your stomach. look what i can do, it said. look who i can be.

the following night, when you bumped into him in the hallway, you didn’t shrink away when he asked, “did you watch me?” you didn’t let his smirk distract you, nor his closeness.

you looked him in the eye as you shook your head.

you swallowed your delight at the surprise that flashed across his gaze. “no?” he asked.

“you have enough eyes on you,” you said, as stable as you could muster, straightening your posture, refusing to fidget.

his smile was that of someone who had been winning since birth.

“oh, you’re right about that, angel,” he said.

you shivered at his tone. “i know.” different, older. changed.

“you’re so smart, now, yeah?”

the barest tint of a blush began to form on your cheeks. yes, you thought, i am. always have been.

“but it just feels so good. to be just drowning in attention.” was that a trace of cruelty, dripping down his teeth? “but you wouldn’t know what that’s like, hm, pretty baby?”

and part of you faltered, frozen, could have cried at this attack - so calculated and personal. if it was anyone else you would have called it mean.

but a different, older, changed part of you recognized that you had changed something in him, too. auston had always been one of those people for whom you felt winning was second nature, easy as breathing.

but this familiar game wasn’t one he was winning without trying. all this testing you, tempting you, this was him, trying. this was new for him, too.

and that filled you with something downright dangerous.

“i don’t know, auston,” you drawled, barely recognizing your own voice. you took a step closer to him. “if you’re drowning in attention, why do you seem to want mine so badly?”

he sucked on his teeth for a second, making you smile. you picked a piece of lint that wasn’t there off of his sweatshirt.

“what’s wrong?” you pressed. “can’t handle one person not treating you like a god?” you smirked, the expression feeling foreign, powerful on your lips. “thought you were tougher than that.”

that darkness grew opaque in his eyes. in a moment, he had you boxed up against the wall, yet again, both of his hands on your hips.

how many times had you imagined his touch, like this? how many times had you tried to will it out of him? how was this all it took?

but you weren’t ready to fully give in. not quite yet.

you leaned back against the wall, reveled in the warmth of his palms.

“so you’re really ready to play, then, angel?” he asked. a warning shot went off in your head. a game, a game, a game, a voice said. only a game. “you know i always win.”

you tilted your head. “you don’t even know what game i’m playing,” you said. “besides, no matter what,” you placed a hand on his chest, grabbed a fist-full of his sweatshirt. “i’ll outwork you. every time.”

and this time, you were the one to leave him there, practically panting. the high was almost addictive.

that high was what you were chasing again when you agreed to go out with an old classmate. you could concede that you probably wouldn’t have said yes on your own - but this was you, outworking the natural. showing the god that his angel wouldn’t always be around.

you knew he would be over just as you were leaving, he and your brother were getting ready to go to the beach.

“dress up for me, angel?” he asked, smug. he looked you up and down lazily, eyes catching on the short hem of your sundress.

joy bubbled up in your throat at the fact that the answer was technically no. you shook your head. “have a date, auston,” you said.

his face soured, if only for a second.

“that right?” you thought you saw his perpetual lean stiffen for a moment.

you nodded. “catching up with an old friend. should be fun.”

he shifted his sunglasses from to the top of his head to the bridge of his nose. “an old friend? didn’t realize you had any old friends, angel.”

a littler version of you would have choked back a sob. had his comments always been so cutting? so selfish and mean? “you don’t realize a lot, it seems,” you said instead, stepping so close to him you could see your reflection in his sunglasses.

you lifted a delicate hand to his face, stilling it in your grasp as you ran a finger along the edge of your lips, fixing your gloss in your reflection.

something rumbled through his jaw into your hand. it felt like power and healing and winning.

you released your grip and stepped back, grabbing your bag and making for the door. “have fun at the beach,” you said, only a little patronizing. “don’t wait up for me.”

on the way out, you let out the smallest laugh to yourself. if only younger you could see present you. telling auston matthews not to wait up for her. unimaginable.

the date was good, honestly. better than you expected. he was sweet, and funny, and you could really see yourself being friends with him, which was awesome. you were both on the same page, liking each other but not really attracted to each other, and by the end of the date you already had plans to hang out with some of his other friends.

you were happy when you pulled back into your driveway.

you were happy when you entered your room, laid down on your bed, smiled at this proof of your growth. a friend. what a beautiful thing.

you couldn’t tell how much time had passed between when you got home and when he appeared in your doorway.

suddenly, he was there. just like how he entered your life, you thought briefly. suddenly, he was there.

you smiled. “auston,” you said.

“what’re you smiling about?” he asked, the smallest bit of a smirk on his face.

you sighed. “just had such a good time.”

“did you?” he asked, “‘m glad, angel.”

“are you?” you mocked him, sitting up, fixing your dress around you.

he nodded as he walked towards you, made an affirmative humming sound.

“happy you thought he was a good time.”

you scrunched up your face in confusion. even as he got closer, the nerves that used to plague you were nowhere to be found.

he now stood next to you, a towering presence. the energy between the two of you was different than it had ever been before.

you tilted your head back, leaned against your headboard to meet his eyes. “and why is that?”

his smirk was delicious. “’cause he’s going to make me look even better than i already am.”

and a younger you would have sighed with desire, with want, with everything dangerous like that. but something even more dangerous was alive and growing inside of you now, something that had nothing to do with him.

you were almost confused at the fact that now, in this moment, when everything could have happened, you didn’t particularly care if it did.

it dawned on you then that perhaps auston had always loved you. he loved you the way a child loves the candy their parents tell them to save until after dinner - loving the knowledge that it is there, that it will always be there. loving the temptation, the prospect, the comfort. but not loving, truly. not the way you so desired. when dessert is done, that love is abandoned.

and he was not the auston you had so desired, all these years. he was not the hero, the god, the perfect boy turned man, he was not everything.

you looked up at him, now, feeling none of the delirious wanting that had defined him for so long.

“would you stay, do you think?” you asked, voice steady and simply curious.

he raised a brow in confusion. “what?”

“would you stay? afterwards? even for a little bit?”

you could see it now, and you sort of already knew the answer. you could see yourself laying in this same bed, shaken out of that sticky afterglow by him, getting up, getting dressed, getting out.

the man in front of you now, he actually let out a laugh. “what did you think this was, angel?” he asked.

and younger you would have cried forever. spent eternity breathing in tears.

but this older, different, changed you, she laughed right back at him. because he had said something that deserved to be laughed at.

“who do you think i am?” you asked, smiling.

because you were not his angel, not anymore. you were not his pretty baby. you were healing, you were growing. he was not your superman, your hand extended in the dark.

he was just a person, a person who was used to your attention, and didn’t like that he no longer had it. a person who could be cruel when you eyes weren’t on him.

and you thought that the next time you kissed someone, maybe they would finally be a real person, not a person lacking.

you weren’t really paying attention to him now, but at some point, auston matthews left your bedroom. and you didn’t even notice.

and your dad still knew his favorite meal, and would probably make it tonight. your mom still knew all his stats, even though they had changed from two nights ago. he was still your brother’s best friend.

and you were still there. beautifully, wonderfully there.

the living room in your head mellowed. the television static was finally just television static, nothing more. and there was a little girl sitting on the couch. and she was laughing.

fin.

#auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #auston matthews x reader #nhl #hockey #hockey x reader #hockey angst #angst fic #auston matthews smut #toronto maple leafs

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luvmmarner · 7 months

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William Nylander - Drivers License

WORD COUNT: 2765 (including lyrics) TW: cheating (kinda), betrayal. PART OF THE SOUR SERIES

ɪ ɢᴏᴛ ᴍʏ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇʀ'ꜱ ʟɪᴄᴇɴꜱᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ

ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴛᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴇxᴄɪᴛᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴇ

ᴛᴏ ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ

ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ, ɪ ᴅʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʙᴜʀʙꜱ

ᴄʀʏɪɴɢ 'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

You and Willy always talked about you getting your driver's license, but due to the fact that you were so busy studying for tests and finishing off school, you never managed to do so. He would often talk about how the major reason he wanted you to get it was so that you could drive to see him when he was bored or when he wanted to spend time with you. But you never got the chance to do any of that. When you finally got your driver's license, it was already too late; he had already left, and the only thing you could do now was drive through the suburbs of Calgary all the way up to Edmonton. ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ ɢɪʀʟ

ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴅᴏᴜʙᴛ

ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴏʟᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍᴇ

ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ'ᴍ ɪɴꜱᴇᴄᴜʀᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ

During the time that you were dating, you undoubtedly struggled with feelings of insecurity. You were extremely careful, but the only reason for this was that you didn't want to damage yourself again. You have a history of unsatisfactory relationships, the majority of which ended with the person you were dating cheating on you. You had many other insecurities as well, especially after seeing her with him. It was you who introduced her to him anyway. She was your friend and someone you trusted, but she betrayed you just like everyone else.

You can vividly recall the day when you first met Kat. In spite of the fact that there was just a three-year age gap between you two, she didn’t care at all how old you were. She was interesting, and she shared your hobbies. What more could you ask for? You two hung out every day and talked until you came to the conclusion that you should invite her over. It was the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. Willy and her connected right away, and without your knowledge, they gave each other their phone numbers and began texting one another every day. It's not like you had a problem with that; it was until they started lying to you and hanging out behind your back. You didn’t blame Willy at first, because Kat was persuasive and her fun demeanour could immediately convince anyone to hang out with her.

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀʏ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴏᴋᴀʏ ɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴏɴᴇ

ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ, ɴᴏᴡ ɪ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ You were aware that the two of you were not perfect. You both went through good times and bad times, and at times the two of you fought to the point where you broke up, but in the end, you always made up. You knew that he was the only person who could make you feel loved and protected for the first time, despite the fact that you occasionally detested him in heated moments such as arguments. You knew deep down that he was the first person you trusted to keep your heart safe in a relationship. You never thought he was interested in someone else, especially someone else who was your friend and whom you also trusted. You guys broke up on seemingly good terms, with him saying that he needed a break because he wanted to focus on his hockey career, and he hoped that he could go pro one day. You were very upset when you guys broke up, even though you kind of knew deep down that you guys would not be getting back together, but in your mind, you still clung onto a little bit of hope that things might change—that he might comeback. That never happened; multiple years passed by, and you tried your best to reach out to him and his family. Just to check up on him, but the number he once had that he used to always call you and text you on was out of service. It wasn't until one day that the thought occurred to you to check out his social media; you would just give a quick check just to see how he'd been, and then you'd never check it again. It was the worst mistake you could’ve ever made. His Instagram was filled with photos of Kat and him. One of the photos shows them smiling in a cafe. At the same cafe that you and Willy would always go to daily, you looked at the date on the photo, and as soon as you did, tears started falling onto the phone. It was the day after you two had ended the relationship. You didn’t know how he could be so okay after just one day. You guys were together for awhile, and you weren’t okay, especially on that day. You isolated yourself inside for weeks, and the only time you emerged into the sunlight was when you unlocked the door to get the food deliveries. Despite this, you weren't doing well even now, especially after learning this information. ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ

ᴏꜰ ʜᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ɪ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ

ɪ ᴋɪɴᴅᴀ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴅᴏ

ʏᴇᴀʜ, ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ, ɪ ᴅʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʙᴜʀʙꜱ

ᴀɴᴅ ᴘɪᴄᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴅʀɪᴠɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ

You were well aware that your close friends were growing tired of hearing you continuously vent about your ended relationship, but they had no idea what you were going through. They've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a few years. You and Will started dating when you were just 14 and split up when you were 18, and here you are, 6 years later, still hurting. You are aware that you should have moved on by now, but you do not want to experience that pain once more, and you know that you will not be able to love in the same manner that you once did in the past. William was the one and only person you've ever loved with such profound intensity, and despite the fact that it may be difficult for you to admit it, you still love him to this day.

You were aware that none of your friends knew William as well as you did. You and he spent your childhoods together and continued to do so until you both reached adulthood together. Your friends never hang out with him outside of planned get-togethers for holidays, such as Christmas or Halloween. There were a few of your friends who spoke to William, but the conversation never went beyond the "just friends" threshold. You knew that even if some of your friends continued to be friends with him to this day, their relationship with him would never be as close as it was between the two of you. When your friends finally spoke about him, all you heard was that an NHL team had allegedly selected him in the draft. This was the only information you received about him. You felt a sense of pride toward him. It was something he never stopped talking about; it was his dream, and he never stopped telling you that he wanted to play in the NHL at some point in his life. You wished you could congratulate him, but you unfortunately couldn't, and you weren’t just going to ask your friends for his new number. You had to forget about him eventually, and you decided to start now.

You made the decision to take one more drive into the city that you had

grown to passionately love. Your mind was making the assumption that you were travelling to his house to see him. The one thing he has always wanted you to do You were going to move on; you just knew it would take a bit longer, especially since you’ve been grieving for a bit.

ʀᴇᴅ ʟɪɢʜᴛꜱ, ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ꜱɪɢɴꜱ

ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴀʀꜱ, ꜰʀᴏɴᴛ ʏᴀʀᴅꜱ

ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴜꜱᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴ' ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴀʙᴇ (ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ)

ꜱɪᴅᴇᴡᴀʟᴋꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴄʀᴏꜱꜱᴇᴅ

ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ʜᴇᴀʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴀꜰꜰɪᴄ, ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ʟᴀᴜɢʜɪɴɢ

ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴏɪꜱᴇ

ɢᴏᴅ, ɪ'ᴍ ꜱᴏ ʙʟᴜᴇ, ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ

ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴ' ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴀʙᴇ (ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ)

You had another breakdown just a few days after your 25th birthday. You found out about William's recent engagement to Kat from the word of mouth of your other pals. It was the worst possible piece of information that could have come your way. You were unable to hold back your tears the entire day. You made the decision to go for a drive in an effort to put an end to your crying. You always experienced an unanticipated sense of peace whenever you were behind the wheel. You thought the drive could give you the same peace you always experienced, but wherever you looked, you would see and hear him. You hesitated to drive past places you'd been with him, but today was different. Every traffic light and every stop sign, even every sidewalk. You closed your eyes, imagining the good times you'd had with him and how much you wanted them back. You still loved him, and now you know it for sure.

ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀʏ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴏᴋᴀʏ ɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴏɴᴇ

Nobody’s perfect. He wasn’t perfect, and neither were you. You had your bad moments, and so did he. It was what made you guys stronger, but no matter how much effort and time you put into the relationship, it was never bound to work. He was happy now, and so were you. You learned to grow over it, and now you’ll hopefully find someone who makes you as happy as Kat made him. You wished things could’ve been different. Just maybe he could've had some more empathy for your feelings and cared just a little more after the breakup, but you were kind of grateful he didn’t. Because it made you not care about it anymore.

ʏᴇᴀʜ, ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ, ɴᴏᴡ ɪ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ

It was something you'd never expected to do. Your friends suggested you go with them to a hockey game. You hesitated at the thought of it. What if he’s there? But they constantly reassured you that he was not on either of the teams playing tonight. You finally agreed and honestly wished you hadn’t. The moment you arrived at the arena and took your seat, you regretted it. You were sitting on the side where Calgary shoots twice. That means the other team warmups would be on the side you sat, and unfortunately, the seat your friends picked way prior to the start of the season was at the glass. Another big unfortunate thing was that it was the Toronto Maple Leafs. At first, you didn’t know he was on that team. It was not until all the Leafs players came out onto the ice that you saw the number and the last name. 88. You wanted to get out of there, but you couldn’t be rude to your friends, who paid a lot of money to get these seats. You made the quick decision to stay. Since it has been some time, it was possible that he would not recognize you. You also got over him fully two years ago when it was announced that he was engaged, so really, it shouldn’t have been an issue.

The undying fact was that you truly didn’t get over him. That was verified, because you’ve never gotten with anyone since him. You were waiting, and you didn’t entirely know why.

You were retrenched from your thoughts when your friend turned to you to tell you the news that made you stop altogether.

“You know he’s single, right?” JJ, who is one of your best friends, said

“Who?” You asked your first question nothing but shaky. You had a hint as to who she was talking about, but you wished that it wasn’t true.

“Will… You know you guys could finally get back together. He’s been single for a year now, and it looks like Kat and him are fully done.” JJ stated before quickly adding to the conversation. “You should give him another chance.” You didn't even bother to listen to the very end of what she had to say. When you heard this, a portion of you was overjoyed, but on the other hand, you felt anger rising up inside of you. This was a setup, and you had no patience for it. You ought to have seen from the beginning that this was odd. JJ spent the entire day yesterday hooked on her phone. Now everything makes perfect sense. He wanted a second chance, but you were unsure how to deal with it. You wanted to hear his side of the story about why he left. You knew the reason wasn’t just because he wanted to focus on hockey; you knew it was something more than that. You were torn. You still loved him and cared, but did he deserve it?

“You set me up?” You asked, trying your best not to just get up and leave and instead listen to what she has to say.

“He was messaging me yesterday, saying he wanted to talk to you and apologize to you for what he’s done. He really misses and cares about you, and he even said he made a mistake. He really loved you, and he wants everything back. He just misses you.” JJ’s voice was rolling quietly at the last part.

You fell quiet; you had no response to that. You were happy. But you didn’t want to get hurt again. You shook your head in denial before looking at the ice. The number 88 caught your eye multiple times. He knew you were here the moment you made eye contact with him. You felt yourself falling again, this time not tears. Instead, you felt yourself falling in love again. The way he looked at you was nothing but filled with love. It was comforting. He skated around before pressing his back against the glass you were seated in front of. The words Nylander are constantly catching your eye. The last name you’ve always wanted, but now you could maybe have it someday. You turned to JJ, giving her a nod before saying, "Fine, give me his number.” She squealed in excitement, giving you a side hug. You didn’t know it was the best idea to do it, but it was too late now, as you finished typing the numbers into your contact and sent a simple hello. Before turning off your phone,

The rest of the game went by quickly, and unfortunately, Calgary lost 7-3, with Nylander and Matthews both scoring two goals. You weren’t that experienced with the Maple Leafs and only really watched hockey whenever you were bored, and when you did, it was only Calgary and Edmonton that you watched.

After the game ended, you went home. You were hoping to go to bed as it was almost 3 a.m., but a chime from your phone distracted you completely. The text was from Will, and it was only an address. You took a few moments to consider it before making the decision to hop in your car and drive to the place.

You finally arrived at the location. It was definitely a hotel; the multiple-level building was a clear indication of that. You replied to him with a quick message saying “number?” and he quickly shot back a reply with just "1003." You spoke silently to yourself before remembering what happened in the past. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t get hurt again. You knew this could just end in you getting hurt again, and you weren’t ready for it. You already got hurt, and if it happens again, especially by the same person, you will never forgive yourself. You typed a quick message saying, “Sorry, I can’t.” You gave one last look at the building before starting your car again and driving off.

#nhl hockey #hockey #nhl imagine #fluff #hockey imagine #hockey angst #nhl angst #nhl fanfiction #william nylander #william nylander imagine #nhl sour #sour series #angst

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hockeybabe · 1 year

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Broken Pieces|| J.Tavares

*Gif not mine*

Pairing: John Tavares x wife!reader

Summary: You and Johns life outside of social media is very different and John tries to fix the broken pieces.

Warnings: angst, talk of loneliness, self-doubt, John being a great husband, breastfeeding mentioned.

Word count: 845

Note: Please do not read this if you don’t do well with any of these subjects. I will not go into depth with all of these but it’ll all be mentioned

Posing in front of paparazzi, answering interviews, and posting on social media is easy, but it's exhausting, mentally and physically. You didn't know how John was able to do it; he could answer interviews, do photoshoots and stay up to date with socials.

You on the other hand, didn't do all of that; your account wasn't private, but you never posted about anything other than your kids. John tries his best to make time for you and the kids, but sometimes work takes over.

Sometimes it's hard taking care of kids who are still under the age of four. They both have their own and very much separate needs, and when John is on the road you sometimes cry while breastfeeding, your youngest, who's nine months, and your oldest would cry with you for a different reason.

John would come home seeing you in the boys room lying on the floor sleeping with your eyes red and puffy from crying while the boys slept in their cribs. John would try to get you to talk to him, but you always told him it was nothing.

John was worried about you mentally and physically and started to hate away games because they meant that you were alone for a longer period of time then if it was a home game. Thankfully, today wasn’t one of those days; today he’d have an early home game and come home to help you with everything.

Packing his bag, he makes his way to the front door of the house and drops his bags. Taking a deep breath, he turns around and goes to find you. John walks up the stairs and heads for the boys room, knowing you'd be in there breastfeeding your youngest just before his nap.

"Babe?" John whispers, peeking his head in the door. You smile ever so slightly, nodding at him so he could come in. “How are you doing?” John asks, running his hand through your hair. “Alright.” You answer, giving him a sheepish smile.

But you weren’t feeling alright; if anything you were far from it. You wanted to cry in Johns arms and never stop; you wanted to tell him all your struggles and how lonely you felt these past months. Yet you couldn’t, you had to be a strong mother because your kids came first. Always.

“Babe? You’re spacing out.” John explains snapping his finger in front of your face, with your beautiful baby boy in his arm. You’d be so lost in your own thoughts you didn’t even notice John taking him. It made you hate yourself, what if this happened in public, someone could’ve taken him.

John notices tears brimming your eyes; he places your guys’ son in his crib beside his older brothers crib and takes you into the master bed room. “Babe? Shhh, it’s okay.” He whispers into your ear, holding you close to his chest. He sits down on the bed, pulling you into his lap.

“Let it out. I’m right here.” He reassures you, rubbing your back as you continue to sob into his shoulder. “Breath, baby. You have to breathe.” John whispers, lifting your head off his shoulder, taking your head into his hands. “Follow me, I’m and out.” He repeats slowly as your breathing starts evening out.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” He asks, with soft eyes. “I’m so tired, John. Its too much.” You whisper, not looking at him. “Fuck baby, I’m so sorry. Tell me what I can do.” John says, he then takes his phone out to call his coach and lets them now he won’t be playing.

It was last minute, but the whole team knew how bad things were going for you. William would come over just to help you out a bit, but even then you were still crying yourself to sleep. “I feel so lonely, you’re always gone for too long and I’m left here with two babies who want you always. When their finally asleep I clean the house and barely get any sleep.” You rant to him, sobbing.

John made sure to listen closely to every word you were saying, figuring out what he could do better. “Shhhh, it’s okay. No more, I won’t let this happen anymore.” He tells you, pulling your head to his shoulder. “How could you possibly stop this.” You mumble into his neck.

“I won’t let the three of you suffer; you all are coming with me everywhere I go. It makes me feel better knowing you all are right there by my side. Knowing that if anything happens I’m right there.” He says looking you dead in the eye as you lift your head to face him.

"So, me, you and the boys altogether?" You ask, smiling softly. "Yes, you, me, and the boys." John promises, with a hopeful smile. "Okay, altogether." You agree, feeling a sign of relief fills your body. You finally have the missing piece in your heart filled.

And it was all because John was able to fix the broken pieces.

#hockey #hockey players #nhl #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #imagine #toronto maple leafs #nhl angst #hockey angst #john tavares imagine #john tavares #John Tavares angst #John Tavares x reader #tml #angst #kids

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burningbridgesblacknblue · 1 year

Text

A Little Jealousy

A/n: this is an old imagine from my Ao3 when Nolan played for the Flyers and I wanted to share it again. Please enjoy grumpy Patty.

You chuckled at the joke your best friend had told you as you unlocked the front door to get in. Honestly Adam’s joke was stupid but you couldn’t get over how stupid it was.

“Hey did you leave the lights on?” Adam asked you abruptly.

“I don’t think so.”

A rush of anxiety flooded your senses, what if you forgot to lock the door and someone broke in? Several worse case scenarios ran through your head at the same time, causing you to look back at Adam.

“I’ll go first.”

You nodded your head in agreement. Staying huddled close behind him, his much taller body shielding you from any danger. Slowly you staggered behind your friend, you heard the TV on in the bedroom and you know for sure you didn’t leave that on.

“I definitely turned that off…”

“Wait here.”

“Adam don’t leave me here to be killed!” You whispered-yelled harshly, “I’m easy to strangle!”

“Jesus Christ,” he mumbled with a chuckle, “Just wait here.”

As he proceeded on his own and left you standing in the living room, you heard a sound coming from the bathroom. Not wanting to die you jetted after your friend.

“Someone’s in the bathroom!”

“What?”

“Go check Adam!”

It was as you two were having a loud bickering match that you neglected to hear the footsteps coming toward you.

“Babe?”

You gasped at the deep voice you loved so dearly, with one dramatic hand on your chest and the other on your friend’s arm you let out a large sigh. “Nols you scared me halfway to hell I thought you weren’t going to be home until tomorrow…”

Patty stood there in just a pair of sweatpants it looked as if you two interrupted him getting in to the shower. He looked so good, all you really wanted to do was kiss him and welcome him home but when you noticed his expression you knew he wouldn’t receive you well.

Nolan’s gaze lingered in between you and Adam before he licked his lips, “If you had picked up your phone you would’ve known we were coming back a day earlier.”

Your boyfriend was notorious for being monotonous and deadpan in his delivery; most people who didn’t know him would miss the actual ice dripping from each word. You bristled at his comeback, Patty was easily annoyed couple that with his tendency to get jealous and you had yourself a square off that was explosive.

“I didn’t ignore you on purpose Nol,” you retorted calmly, “I was working all day.”

“Yeah working,” the way he said the second word as if he were mocking you was irritating beyond belief. You also couldn’t believe he was doing this in front of company.

“We’re not doing this again Pat…”

He brushed a hand through his growing blonde hair and you knew instantly how angry he was. Whether he was going to show your best friend was another story.

You weren’t too sure why Nolan had such huge insecurities where Adam was concerned, you two never crossed any boundaries. You never even liked each other that way. The only thing you could think of that made sense was Adam was around twenty-four seven while Patty was away.

Nolan smacked a hand against the doorframe before he turned away from you heading toward the living room.

Adam faced you quickly after your boyfriend’s departure, “I didn’t mean to make you guys argue.”

You waved your hand in a nonchalant gesture, “It’s not your fault he gets like this sometimes when he comes home from a roadie. He’s just tired.”

“Should I go?”

Chewing on your bottom lip you nodded affirmatively. Feeling terrible for kicking out your closest friend. It just wasn’t the best idea to let him hang around when your boyfriend’s mood was so poor. Nolan was really a great person and you didn’t want anyone to see him as anything else. So you walked your friend to the door and wished him a good night.

As soon as the door was closed and there were no unwanted visitors Nolan spoke from his position on the couch, “You know the only reason I left the car here was because you were going to give me a ride home, I had to catch one with TK.”

You refrained from showing any signs of agitation, “Nols I’m really sorry time just got the better of me today.”

“You had time to hang out with Adam.”

This time you did put a hand to your face, “We work together not to mention we live one block apart. We weren’t really hanging out.”

“Then why was I stranded at the airport?”

“Because I messed up after I saw your text this morning I got swamped at work I just forgot to text you back.”

“So you knew I was coming home but you left me there anyway?”

“Nolan I just told you it was an accident. I didn’t mean to forget you I’m sorry.”

He looked at you as if you had just insulted him, “Im going to shower.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose—” the shutting of the bathroom door cut off your defense.

You huffed, you knew he was hurt and of course you understood why. There was really only one thing to do and that was to give him space. You watched some TV for about ten minutes but you found it hard to concentrate, you hated when Nolan was mad at you. So you decided to take a shot in the dark.

Quietly you disrobed on your way to the bathroom easing your way behind the door that was miraculously unlocked. You slipped in behind him, threading your arms around him so that your hands rested on his shoulders. Gently you placed a kiss on his shoulder blade.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled against his skin, “No excuses.”

Everything was so still except the water. You were so sure he was going to reject you but he surprised you, he took a hand of yours and squeezed it.

“I know.”

You knew he forgave you but you were kind of curious, “Were you jealous of Adam?”

“Should I be?”

You shook your head, “No you just seemed extra grumpy.”

“I had to ride home with TK anyone would be annoyed after traveling so long and then having to listen to him talk.”

You chuckled, “TK is your best friend yet you treat him like a bad crush.”

Nolan scoffed at you, “All he does is talk.”

“He’s a nice guy.”

“Then date him instead.”

You couldn’t help but let out a monstrous laugh, “Pat seriously, I love you stop trying to give me away.”

He shrugged his shoulders reaching for his soap shortly after, you knew Nolan always had an issue expressing his emotions and often it left him feeling unsure about himself. You were fine with the way he was, you gave enough affection for the two of you.

“I was jealous…”

He mumbled so quietly in his baritone you could barely hear him but you didn’t dare ask him to repeat himself.

You hugged him tight around his middle, “I love you Nols, no one else there’s no need to worry.”

He nodded his head for you and you knew that’s all that was going to be said on the matter. You placed on last kiss on his shoulder before you tapped it. “I’m starting to prune I’m out.”

“Babe...” Nolan grabbed your hand gently, “Love you.”

Your heart swelled as you leaned on your toes to place a kiss on his lips, “Love you too.”

#nolan patrick #patty #hockey one shot #hockey imagine #nolan patrick imagine #hockey angst #nhl imagine #nhl angst #flyers imagine #hockey smut

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snorky · 9 months

Text

Disasterology

Hey y’all! This is a little different from what I usually write, some angst/comfort in this one. It was a little bit self-indulgent because I wasn’t feeling too well. Please take care of yourself, make time for yourself, and value yourself. You are worthy! This can either be read as platonic or romantic, whichever you prefer. Title is from Pierce The Veil’s song Disasterology, you should check it out. Pardon me if there are any mistakes, I haven't proof-read this thoroughly. I hope you enjoy this fic!

Paring: Arber Xhekaj x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of self-doubt, (let me know if there’s something I should add as a warning)

—

Arber was getting worried now. He sat in his living room on the edge of his couch, his knee bouncing nervously, his palms sweaty. The room was deadly silent, not even the sound of the TV was on. He was waiting for some phone notification to break him free from the spell of restlessness. After five panicked text messages and two missed calls that were both sent to voicemail just from today, he knew something was off.

They hadn’t responded to any of his texts, which was odd, considering how they would usually respond within a minute or so, unless they were busy, which they would send him a message stating so. Arber tried to connect the points, from the rather dry and vague text messages over the past few days, to them barely reaching out to him.

He sat there wondering what he should do. Should he just wait it out and hope they text back? Should he ask a friend to text them and see if everything is okay? Should he come over to their place and check up on them? It was all overwhelming to sort out with the lack of information he has. Pacing around the room, his mind tried to settle on a choice.

His phone buzzed, relief washed over him, and he quickly picked up his phone, checking who it was. And just like that, the awful feeling in his gut returned. A mutual friend between Arber and them responded, a disappointing, “No, I haven’t heard from them, and they haven’t responded to me either,” displayed on his screen.

He grabbed his keys and quickly left his apartment, the door slamming loudly behind him. Pulling out his phone, he texted them a message before he entered his car.

I’m coming over, hope everything is ok. - Arber

The drive to their place was deafeningly silent. The roar of the engine beneath him growled like an omen of disaster. The city lights faded behind him as he drove, blurring like shooting stars that hung too close for comfort. His hands gripped on the steering wheel, hoping to some power that it would ease the tension that hung in the air.

As soon as he arrived at their house, he hopped out of his car, sprinting to the front door. From what he could hear from outside, it was eerily silent. He knocked on the door, before saying, “It’s me, Arber. I’m just coming over to check on you.” No response.

He took a spare key that he had been given, and carefully unlocked the door, making sure that his movements weren’t too sudden. The door creaked open, showing a darkened living room that seemed to be in mild disarray, and a kitchen that was cluttered, but it was obvious that there was an attempt to clean it at a point.

His eyes spotted them sitting on the kitchen floor, their knees pulled up to their chest, their body exhausted. He slowly closed the door, making sure not to slam it, and walked over to them. Bending down, he settled on kneeling on the cold tile flooring of the kitchen beside them. He brought a water bottle that he grabbed on his way out of the apartment and set it down on the ground.

“M’sorry Arber,” they croaked out. Their voice was hoarse from crying and Arber’s heart broke at the sound of it.

“Shhh, no, please don’t say sorry,” he shushed.

Their tears started flowing again, their sobs came out choked, breathless, and Arber pulled them into an embrace. He gently rubbed circles into their back, hoping to just be enough for them.

“I’m sorry— I’m sorry you have to see me like this—” they spoke between their sobs.

Arber shook his head in disagreement, his heart splintering again, before softly speaking again. “You’re okay, deep breaths, alright?” He took a deep breath in, hoping that they would follow suit, and to his relief they did.

After a couple of deep breaths, they remained on the kitchen floor in silence together. He grabbed the bottle of water that he set down earlier and offered it to them. They quietly thanked him, and they took a few small sips before setting it down on the ground again.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like this before and I want you to be okay with me,” he asked gently. The look of concern in his face made it more difficult to process their thoughts, and their eyes started watering again.

They took a shaky breath before speaking again, “I’m just, so tired Arber—” they spoke quietly, and then their tears started falling again. It was one drop that turned into two, and two into four.

He wiped their tears away, despite how the tears kept falling, and he listened to them intently. “Hey it’s okay, I got you. Let it out, I’m here,”

“I feel like I can’t do enough despite giving it my all, it just sucks so much.” They cried harder than before. Their breaths were uneven, their hands shaky. “I can do things just fine, but then I start crying again, and I feel so—”

Arber pulled them closer, letting them cry into his chest as his hands rubbed their back gently. “It’s okay, you can rest now. I’m here, and I’m not leaving until you're better.” A muffled cry fell from them again, and Arber gently rocked back and forth on the floor.

They remained like this for a while, their tears slowly coming to a gentle halt, their body more relaxed, and his hand idly drew patterns in their shoulders. “Let’s get you freshened up alright? And then we can watch a show or a movie together. I’ll order some food, and before you say anything, it’s on me, m’kay?”

They nodded before getting up and making their way to the bathroom. Washing their face with cold water, it felt a little nicer not feeling the dried tears on their cheeks and neck. They also grabbed a change of clothes, a comfy t-shirt and pajama pants to replace the too-stiff work clothes that were glued to their body.

As they made their way out of the bathroom, the TV was on, Arber resting on the couch with a couple of blankets, and the living room was slightly less cluttered, making them feel relieved. “Thanks for cleaning up the living room, sorry it’s a mess,” they said softly.

“No worries, and no need to say sorry.” He smiled.

He handed them a plate of food before turning to the TV and playing a show they both enjoyed watching in their spare time. “Gosh, can you believe they’re creating a third season for this? I thought it’d be over by now,” he spoke with food stuffed in his mouth.

They laughed at him before responding, “Can’t believe it either.”

The rest of the night was spent well, with gentle laughter filling the air, and tensions eased. They were extremely grateful for Arber coming over and taking care of them, even if it was just for this night. And Arber was equally grateful to spend time with them, laughing at the pointless jokes that were put in the show.

“Hey Arber?” they asked quietly.

“Yeah? What’s up?” He looked over at them.

“I just want to say, thank you for doing all of this for me. Thanks for helping me,”

“You’re always welcome, and I hope you know that. I’ll always be here for you.” He smiled. His gentle, stupidly cute smile.

#hockey #nhl #nhl writing #arber xhekaj #arber xhekaj x reader #nhl fic #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #arber xhekaj imagine #arber xhekaj fic #arber xhekaj angst #montreal canadiens #angst #hockey angst #comfort

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provokedgoalie · 2 years

Text

come home | s.c.

i was inspired by the song syml – where's my love. we love angst in this house 💁 (not completely happy with how this turned out but I needed to start writing again..)

Cold sheets, but where's my love? / I'm searching high / I'm searching low in the night

He'd wake up in cold sweat, a trembling hand raking through his damp curls. His nightmares once again bringing him back to the present— it became a nightly routine.

The memory of you plagued his mind when he couldn't sleep at night— flashes of your face danced around until it became a blur of forgotten memories.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, bare feet meeting frigid tiles. He padded over to the restroom, clammy hands gripping the edges of the sink. The man in the mirror gazed at him, mournful hazel eyes locking with one another.

Sid couldn't pinpoint the exact moment things started to change, but he shouldered the blame; maybe he should've been around more, made an effort to see you smile, or maybe he should've noticed the light in your eyes starting to lose their warmth.

Did you run away? / Did you run away, I don't need to know / If you ran away / If you ran away, come back home / Just come home

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this-is-ally-and-im-confused · 2 years

Note

Omgggg “ you’re gone, gone , gone- i watched you disappear” with briss maybe like angst he changed in the ahl or smth

OMG YES ANON!!! YoU ARE LITERALLY AMAZING! Lyric prompt

Wow, Brendan had made it! It all felt surreal. Until the end of the game. You watched your boyfriend leave the NHL ice for the first time, and then you proceeded to run down to meet him in the tunnel. It only took a few moments for him to be changed and leave. His family sent loving texts your way.

Eventually, when your boyfriend exited the changing room–he didn't look for you. Instead, he left in a hurry to go meet with his new teammates.

At first, you thought nothing of it. Maybe he didn't see you? Yet, when you ran up to give him a hug–you were met with the most horrible words.

“SECURITY! Get this fan off of me.”

You were stunned. Tears welled in your eyes. You ran the other way, too your car, and drove to your hotel.

That night you watched as your boyfriend posted on insta about living it up with pretty blondes and lots of booze.

You’re fingers typed out a message on a post you weren't even tagged in

“You’re gone, gone, gone away. I watched you disappear.”

Only to get a reply from Luke Hughes

“@Y/N_goblue you good? Call me.”

#send in requests #send anything #song lyric blurb #ally loves hockey #hockey angst

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bluewxrld07 · 2 months

Text

Kiss Cam (Luke Hughes)

Luke Hughes x female!reader

Warning(s): slight makeup sesh, angst, major fluff, touching without consent, alludes to smut

Summary:In which Luke lets his anger get the best of him.

“Mom I love you, but I have to finish getting ready for the game. We can talk more about it tomorrow.” Y/n sighs, applying mascara to her lashes.

Her phone was on the bathroom counter with mom on speaker phone, mom currently blabbing about something that happened at work that she needed to rant over. “Oh, that’s right there’s a game tonight! Tell Luke and Jack goodluck for me, and I’ll let you go then. Love you!” Her mom’s sweet voice rings in.

Y/n responds back before ending the call, her music coming back on while she used her setting spray to set the rest of her face.

Luke walks into the bathroom behind her a few moments later, setting his sweatshirt on the counter next to her puffer vest for her to wear. He stops and looks her up and down with a slight smirk on his lips.

She wasn’t fully finished getting dressed, only wearing her flare leather pants and a bralette to prevent getting makeup on his clothes. Not that he would’ve minded that anyway, but he wasn’t going to complain about her current outfit.

“What?” She chuckles putting her makeup away when catching his stare in the mirror. His eyes find hers as he walks up behind her with a hum, placing his hands around the front of her waist slowly trailing back and down to grab her ass.

She squeaks at his hands, letting a laugh leave her mouth while his own kisses her collarbone a few times. “I like these pants.”

“Oh you do, do you?” an amused grin on her face. He hums with a nod. “Very much yes. You need to buy more.”

Her eyes roll at his comment before she turns around in his grasp, his hands still going down to her ass when she faces him. Luke looks down at her, taking in the beauty of his girlfriend. She looks down at his lip before lifting herself up a little to place what was supposed to be a chaste kiss.

Luke thought otherwise, humming out a no on her lips to prevent her from breaking away. She giggles at his comment, letting her hands trail up his chest and to the back of his neck and into his curls.

Their lips moving in sync, his tongue finding hers as his hands roam her body. His touches and kisses making her whimper and moan into his mouth.

His hands began to trail from her ass, up to her hips, then to her waist, until they were gripping her breasts. Luke letting his thumb graze over her nipples through the thin fabric.

She breathes out a moan, her head falling back as he plays with them and his lips moving down to her jaw. “Lu,” she pants.

“Hm?”

“We are gonna be late.” She lets out another whimper when he bites down on her sweet spot just in the crevice of the crook of her neck. Y/n musters up the strength to grab his head from her neck, making him look up at her.

His lips now swollen, eyes looking a little glazed over as he gives her a lovesick grin. She places one last soft kiss on his mouth before turning back around to grab his sweatshirt off the counter, putting it over her head.

"Why don't you just wear my jersey again?" he asks as he steps away to watch her in the mirror.

"Because I need to switch it up every so often," she says in a 'duh' tone. "Either way people will know I'm yours if that's your problem with it." she chuckles, watching him roll his eyes.

"Okay yes, but still. You can see my name on it in bigger letters than you can on my sweatshirt."

"The sweatshirt I'm wearing is a player only sweatshirt. Therefore nobody else but players own it, so I think that's pretty self-explanatory." she assures him as she sees his pout begin to form.

Once she puts the vest over her shoulders, she turns around to wrap her arms around his neck. He grabs her waist immediately, looking down at her with a knowing look. "You may be beautiful, but you're sometimes not the brightest." he jokes, earning a slap to the chest as she walks away after his comment. She slips on her heeled boots in the entryway while he slides on his dress shoes.

"Forensic Scientist means dumb to you? I don't think so baby." she shoots back, the boy just shaking his head with a playful scoff.

"Whatever you say, honey. Let's go," he sighs before tapping her bum as she opens the front door.

Once they arrived to the arena, Y/n says her 'hello's to the other players, and Jack of course, then gives Luke his good luck kiss before making her way to the lower bowl to find her seat.

She sets her food and drink down when she finds it, seeing she's in the second row from the glass and gets comfy as she waited for the game to start. Y/n watched as more and more fans began to pile in, some starting to take up spots around the ice to watch warmups.

The warmups probably had to be her favorite part. Getting to see the boys rev up for the game as well as interacting with fans, the younger kids especially. She sometimes would find herself overhearing conversations of parents with their little ones talking about how they will try hard to get puck from a player for them.

So some days she took matters into her own hands, signaled Luke, Jack or one of the other players she knew well to bring her a couple pucks to hand out to the little kiddos. The smiles and reactions on their faces always made her smile too, which is why she loved stepping in to help sometimes.

Before she knew it, the boys were out on the ice doing their routine, kids and other fans buzzing with excitement as they watched the players skate around the ice.

She smiles widely when she sees Luke spot her, the boy giving her a little wink as he stood at the blue line with Dawson. Her little moment with Luke was soon cut short when someone took their seat next to her and settled in, his stare never leaving her side profile.

Y/n slowly turned to look at the Devils fan, the boy looking around the same age as her. He had darker hair that poked out of his backwards hat, bright hazel eyes, chiseled jaw with a little stubble. He supported a Devils Jersey with an 86 on the back of it. He nods at her before speaking.

"Hey," he starts off. She smiles warmly. "Hello." she says before turning back to watching warmups.

Luke was busy doing his routine to notice the boy sitting next to his girlfriend, y/n adjusting herself due to feeling uncomfortable by his stare.

"I'm Micah." he introduces, y/n turning her head back to him with a smaller smile this time. "Nice to meet you Micah." she says in a soft voice, hoping that it sounded both nice and uninterested.

Micah leans towards her a little, making her smile falter a bit and look back at the boys on the ice for a minute. "And you are..?" he trails off, making her insides churn at his desperation.

"Um, I'm y/n," she says in a shorter tone. He nods with a toothy smile.

"Beautiful name for an absolutely gorgeous girl." he says, making her internally roll her eyes. She just nods at him and offers another warm smile. "Thank you."

She watches as he looks her up and down slowly, slowly biting his lip as his eyes find hers. "So what's a girl like you doing sitting here all by herself?" he asks.

"Oh, I'm not alone I'm-"

"It's okay, you don't have to lie and say your friends are coming. I'll take care of you," he winks at her, and places a hand on her thigh with a squeeze. He was making her stomach knot. "Please take your hand off my leg," she says firmly. She feels herself relax when his hand leaves her thigh, her chest feeling tight as he sat closer to her.

Instead of pushing the conversation she purses her lips and looks back at the boys on the ice, hoping to find her boyfriend and her muscles relax when she sees he's already staring at her.

Now many fans that paid attention to the Hughes brothers knew she and Luke were dating. It wasn't like they made it obvious, but they also weren't hiding it either.

His eyes going back between her and the guy next to her with a darker stare than she's used to. He can tell she's uncomfortable when his eyes find hers a second later, and skates closer towards where she's sitting.

Y/n watches as he skates past and gives her a small nod as if asking if she was okay, and nods back at him with a small smile on her lips.

Luke nods back one more time at her before turning back to finish his drills, his head turning back to stare at the guy sitting next to her one last time.

Y/n was happy the guy known as Micah let her be after that, hoping that he noticed she was uninterested and very much taken.

The lights dimmed as the boys left the ice, y/n sitting back in her chair and going onto her phone. Her phone soon buzzed as she began scrolling through Twitter, seeing it was a text from Luke.

from Lu <3

Do you want me to bring you one of my jerseys?

to Lu <3

I'll be okay. I can stand my ground, I promise

from Lu <3

Baby I really think you should take one of my jerseys

to Lu <3

Lu I will look like every other fan who has one here still. It wouldn't matter if I was wearing it or not.

read 6:36pm

Y/n rolled her eyes at his actions and no response, knowing he was frustrated by the situation at hand. She wouldn't be able to convince him any other way, him being the stubborn boy he was.

It wasn't that he didn't trust her, he just liked having people know she was his and his only. She would never stop that either, but she just wanted him to understand she can handle situations on her own most times.

Before she knew it, the game had started and that's also when Micah's voice started. He kept trying to talk to her more, explaining the game to her as if she had no idea what was going on. She wanted to move so badly, but knew that that wasn't going to happen.

Y/n just tried her best to act as uninterested as possible to his conversation, the boy obviously not getting the point as time went on.

It also appeared that Luke was getting more and more irritated by Micah's advances.

Y/n often caught him skating by their area and looking directly at the pair sitting next to one another, his expression each time darker and more pissed off than the last.

The one that caught her attention was when Luke looked directly at her, shook his head, rolled his eyes and made a swatting motion at her. It deeply annoyed her that he was getting mad at her when she was making it very clear she wanted nothing to do with the man next to her.

"That call right there is known as icing," Micah begins, leaning towards her and pushing a piece of her hair back. Y/n biting her lip and running a hand through her hair as he keeps his hand on her cheek. "It happens when-"

"Okay look. Micah, is it? Can you please stop explaining the game to me as if I don't get what's going on? I used to play myself, and have a boyfriend who plays it as well. So please just -- stop talking, and stop touching me." Y/n snaps, her facial expressions towards the boy looking like she was ready to bang her head against the wall.

Micah looked stunned for a few seconds, before he smirks and rolls his eyes with a scoff. "If you had a boyfriend, where is he at then?"

Of course that was the only thing he paid attention to. She scoffs at him and looks back to the game.

There was an intermission in between whistles, the ice crew coming to shovel off the ice. Y/n looks up and watches as a kiss cam comes on, happy couples one after the other doing funny or cute kisses.

She looks down at her phone while it goes, not really wanting to be at the game anymore with her boyfriend annoyed at her, and her being annoyed with the guy next to her.

That was until Micah was elbowing her a moment later, the girl looking at him with a scowl evident on her face and he smirks smugly while pointing to the screen. She looks up, and immediately wants to sink into a hole.

Micah and her were on the kiss cam screen.

Micah looks back at her and shrugs. "it's for the views," he says, and she shook her head.

Y/n looks up at the Jumbotron, doing a 'cut' signal with her hand while saying that Micah is not her boyfriend. She began to hold up her sweatshirt, pointing to the number 43 on the arm saying 'boyfriend'.

But before she could finish saying 'boyfriend' Micah tries grabbing her face in a bruising and harsh grasp to pull her in for a kiss. Y/n immediately pushes him away and smacks him hard across the face.

Before she can cuss him out, she hears a loud bang against the glass followed by yells and many fans gasping in shock. Y/n turns to the ice and sees Luke yelling at Micah with Jack and Nico holding him back as if Luke was about ready to break the glass to get to her.

"Get your fucking hands off my girl!" he screams at him. "You grab her like that again and I'll fuck you up, you got that! Get the fuck off of her!! Don't you dare touch her!" Luke continues to yell and cuss as the boys pull him back to the bench.

Luke looks at Y/n and points at her after. "That's why I fucking told you to wear my jersey dammit!" he yells to her, making her stomach drop to her ass out of embarrassment.

Her mouth drops at his reaction, seeing him yell to her once again. "Never fucking listens to me!"

Micah sitting there both in awe and shock by both getting cussed at by Luke Hughes and being smacked by the girl next to him.

Y/n is pushing her way past Micah who is still sitting there dumbfounded, some fans making comments to him saying how shitty it was for him to do what he did.

Y/n kept her head down as she climbed up the stairs, tears in her eyes. One of the security guards she knew very well immediately made her way up to her and pulled her into her arms as they walked.

"Let's get you out of the public eye, hm? Get you down into the tunnel?" she suggest, Y/n nods quietly as she wipes a tear.

When she makes her way to the tunnel she hears the buzzer, signaling the end of the second period. She tells the security guard to grab Jack for her as he walks back to the locker room, the older woman nodding before making her way down the hall.

As she waits for Jack, she manages to take in what just happened.

Micah tried forcing himself on her. Luke cussed him out and almost broke the glass to go after him. Luke yelled at her.

Luke embarrassed her.

Y/n didn't even realize she had tears falling until she saw them fall onto her boots.

"Y/n?" she hears, her head shooting up to see Jack making his way to her with concern on his face. He had his helmet off, stick still in his hand as he approached her.

"Hey," he said as he got to her, pulling her in for a hug first. She hugged him back tightly, sniffling into his shoulder. "You okay?"

She just shook her head as they pulled away. "I've never heard him talk to me like that. Ever. I'm so humiliated." she admits, shaking her head as she wipes her tears.

Jack looks at her with guilt and frustration. "I'm sorry I had no idea he would react like that," he says. "We knew he was bothered by the guy next to you because he wouldn't stop talking about it. But he kept assuring and saying he trusted you to take care of it. Of yourself. He kept saying he knew you could handle it. Next thing we knew he was jumping over the boards and skating towards where you sat. And then you can guess what happened next." he explains, making her nod.

"I just didn't think he would ever talk to me like that." she says in a whisper. "I didn't even know that that guy would grab my face like that." she stutters, letting out a choked sob.

"I should've just listened to Luke and wore his jersey." Y/n says, watching as Jack shook his head. "No don't say what you know would make my brother feel better. He's a piece of shit and a dickbag for saying and reacting how he did. You couldn't have known." Jack assures her, pulling her in for another hug, holding her for longer.

She sniffles and stays silent, Jack pulling away from her as he hears Dawson calling out to him signaling they're going back out in a few.

"I don't want to talk to him for a bit. But I can't go back out there. I don't even think I can show my face out there at all." Y/n explains, Jack nods in understanding.

"I'll make sure he steers clear of you for right now. I'll also be the last one out of the locker room, so I will let one of the trainers know to come grab you to get my keys. You can drive it back to the apartment." he says, making her shake her head and cross her arms.

"Jack are you sure? I can't take your car."

"Y/n/n yes you can. We live in the same complex. Worst case I can always catch a ride with one of the other boys if Luke is still being an ass, so I will be able to get home either way." Jack assures her, the girl contemplating for a minute, then nodding in agreement to his statement.

He kisses her forehead before heading back to the locker rooms, Y/n pulling herself together as she waits silently for one of the trainers. She sees and hears the guys cheering as they head out for the last period, music blaring in the stadium.

She spots one of the trainers walking towards her with a sweet smile, motioning for her to follow behind them to the locker room.

When they get to the entryway, the trainer stops and points to Jack's locker stall. "He said it should be in his suit jacket pocket on the left side." the trainer tells her, y/n nodding as she feels his keys.

As she was about to walk out of the locker room the trainer stops her once more. "Luke also told me to tell you that you can take his key. Since he knows you don't normally bring yours when you drive with him to games." they explain, Y/n feeling her heart clench at his name.

She slowly nods and walks over to her boyfriend's stall and grabbing his apartment key before following the trainer out and towards the garage.

She smiles softly at the trainer before thanking them, then unlocks Jack's car and gets inside.

On the drive home the car is silent, nothing being heard but the rain on the windshield. The radio off due to her not wanting to hear a single thing as she drove home.

The embarrassment she felt from the night was starting to creep up on her, making her just want to crawl up into a ball and live there for the rest of her life.

The facial expression she saw on his face was something she only ever saw when it came to him getting pissed off at another player in the ice, or when he was arguing with Jack. Never did she see it directed towards her. It made her insides burn, her chest feeling tight.

Most of all Y/n felt violated. She had never been grabbed or touched like that, and it scared her that a man would've been desperate enough in a situation to make a move like that guy did.

She let out a sigh as she parked Jack's car in his parking spot in the parking garage, locking it as she made her way up to her and Luke's shared apartment. She kept her arms crossed over her chest, keeping her head low as she made her way through the hallways.

When she saw her familiar doormat outside her apartment, Y/n felt her exhaustion hit. As she unlocked the door, she could hear the patters of the raindrops hitting the windows. The apartment only being illuminated by her golden sunset light in the living room, window cracked open to hear the thunder outside.

She shut the door, and took off her shoes. The tired girl's feet padded down the hall to their shared bedroom, going and taking a seat on their bed as she took a deep breath.

Her phone was buzzing, causing her to turn it over and see what it was.

Luke Hughes loses it over guy in the crowd!

Breaking: New Jersey Devils player, Luke Hughes, almost breaks glass to fight man in stands after putting hands on Hughes' girlfriend!

Devils player Luke Hughes screams at fan in stands after putting hands on Hughes' girlfriend. Soon starts screaming at girlfriend shortly after, causing absolute mayhem in the stands!

After seeing each title and tweet get worse and worse, she immediately puts her phone on Do Not Disturb and puts it face down on the nightstand.

Y/n began taking off her outfit, grabbing pjs and a towel before heading into the bathroom.

Y/n turned on the shower, loving how the warmth felt on her skin and closed her eyes as she stepped in.

Usually she had always taken a post game shower with Luke when they'd gotten home, but she couldn't even fathom to want to be in the same room as him after his outburst.

Sure she understood the one towards Micah, but she still thought she didn't deserve to get the backend of it too.

Y/n also knew that he probably felt like shit after how he acted, and was probably getting an absolute earful from the entire team, the coaches included.

She let the water soak up her scalp, taking a few deep breaths as she stood there. She didn't even know where her head was at. She was still so shocked of the events tonight, but also craved to have Luke holding her. Telling her she would be okay, and that he never meant any of it.

Y/n jumps and gasps when she feel hands slither around her waist, but relaxing when a familiar head of curls is seen in her side view as he hid his face in her neck for a few moments.

The girl fought with herself, wondering if she should just let it happen or push him away, not knowing which would be the better option.

That was until he propped his chin on her shoulder, sniffling a couple times. She stood there tense, staying quiet for a few moments.

"I don't even know where to start," he says, his voice rough. He squeezes her waist, her hands still staying crossed at her chest.

"Well I do know where to start. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Y/n. I have no excuses for the way I spoke to you. You were trying to get him off you, and were clearly uninterested in general. Guy couldn't take a fucking hint," he chuckles bitterly. "In the end, I should not have yelled or screamed at you. You didn't deserve any of that. I can't imagine how embarrassed you felt after that. That's all completely my fault, I couldn't control myself after seeing how uncomfy he kept making you." he sniffles and pauses to press a kiss on her temple.

"I really can't believe I lost it on you. I have no regrets for losing it on that guy, but losing my shit on you I have every regret in the world. I would absolutely go back in time and prevent myself from doing that to you. Without a second thought." he finishes. "I'm so sorry, Y/n. I am a dick, and I truly don't expect you to forgive me easily. I embarrassed you, and made it so hard for you to walk back into that arena without wanting to curl up in a ball. If you don't come to some my games for a bit, I get it. I don't blame you."

It's quiet for a few moments after that, Y/n taking that as Luke's speech being finished. She sighs and lets her body relax fully into his own, letting her hands trail down to where his hands are on her waist and wrap hers around his wrists softly.

She caresses the top of his hands with her thumbs. "You're a fucking asshole you know that?" she whispers, shaking her head as she looks down at their hands.

He nods against her shoulder. "More than an asshole honestly." he chuckles, making her muster up the smallest grin.

"You embarrassed me. You humiliated me in front of the entire arena, Luke," she starts. "I wouldn't have been as mad if it were just towards that guy. Yeah I still would've been annoyed, but it was when you started going after me. As if I had been letting it happen." she explains, Luke letting her speak.

"I tried everything in my power to make it known I was uninterested. I tried everything to make it known I didn't want him talking to me. I tried Lu," she says, her voice sounding defeated the last few words.

Luke just nods, saying he knows repeatedly. "Especially when he kept putting his hands on me, I kept telling him to stop and I kept saying no." Y/n says, her voice weak as her lips began to quiver. Luke pulls her in tighter, his heart aching and his anger rising at the guy. He had no right to touch her, and especially when she kept telling him to not touch her.

Luke couldn't imagine what was going through her head during then. It made him feel even worse after hearing how defeated she. sounded.

"Then when he grabbed my face, I felt so violated. Like I couldn't even win even when I kept saying no," she sniffled. "Then when you yelled at me like that, it made me feel like you didn't even care that I was trying my hardest to not let him touch me. When it was so clear I didn't want him to."

Luke raised his head from her shoulder, placing his hands on her hips to turn her so she was facing him. "Look at me." he says softly to her, seeing as she shook her head and kept it staring down at her hands.

He watched as she began to nervously pick ta her fingertips, something she did from anxiety, which made his hands leave her sides and lace his fingers between him own to prevent her from doing so.

"Y/n, baby, look at me." he says, his voice softer than the first time. Y/n mustered the strength to look into his eyes for the first time that evening, seeing his were incredibly bloodshot and swollen.

"Oh Lu," she sighs as she sees his face. He shook his head. "Don't worry about me." he says. "I want you to know that no matter what, I will always care for you. Even when it's so much it seems annoying, I will still be there by your side protecting and caring about you. I care more about you than I do myself." he assures her, making her lips quiver.

"You need to care about yourself too, Luke. Don't beat yourself up when you can't help me with a situation. You have to trust that I can handle it most times on my own." she explains, Luke nodding in agreement with her.

"I get that you were mad and that you were wanting to do anything you could to get to me in that moment, but taking it out on me when you know I'm trying is not the way to go."

Luke puts his head down, nodding once more. "I know. And I'm never going to stop apologizing to you. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it all back. I'm so sorry, Y/n/n."

She puts her hands on his cheeks. "I know. But you can't take it back, no matter how much to wish you could. Just learn from it, and move forward. Yeah this was a major bump we will work on fixing, but that is the thing. It's not just going to be you, it's gonna be us." she assures him, watching his eyes find hers again.

"You won't be going through this alone. Yeah I'm hurt. Yeah I'm embarrassed. But that's not gonna stop me from loving you and helping you. We will work on it together, okay?" Y/n caresses his cheeks, watching as he nods.

"I love you. So much. So so much, Y/n. I'm so sorry."

Y/n gives him a smile and nods, leaning her forehead against his own. "I love you too, baby. I know."

He presses his lips on her own cautiously, Y/n feeling his actions. In which she lets her hands find the back of his head and pull him closer to her to make their kiss more passionate.

He hums as their lips move in sync, letting her lead it as he wraps his arms around her figure.

Luke breaks the kiss after a few moments. "Let me start making it up to you right now, yeah?" he pants, and she nods.

"I'm all yours."

That's all Luke needs to hear before he begins his apology to her. Showing her how sorry he is in many different ways.

2K notes · View notes

cupid-styles · 30 days

Note

omg bestieeeee i so need hocker h nd ballerina to talk and smooch !!!!! ngl i’m a sucker for protective and jealous h 🤭🤭🤭🤭 🐱

I feel like ive made you guys wait way too long for this one gvkdfjgkf

a continuation of this blurb! (and sort of this one)

word count: 2.3k (we had a lot of ground to cover)

content warnings: minor mentions of smut, slight angst but all is fixed by the end, not ramadan friendly

main masterlist | hockey h masterlist

talk to me

. . .

Two weeks.

Two weeks of radio silence from Y/N.

Two weeks of over-thinking everything he did that night.

Two weeks of Harry drunk texting her on lonely nights.

please just tell me if you hate me

im so sorry

ill leave you alone if its what you want, I just need to know

Each and every time, Y/N read his messages, eyes scanning over the words, and locked her phone.

The truth is, she doesn't know what she wants from him, if anything. She doesn't know why she felt so attracted to him that night — she was tipsy, not drunk, and in complete control of her actions. She never hooked up with people in public — no messy makeouts, but she certainly never let anyone finger her in the hallway of a bar.

The entire thing was completely unlike her. Maybe that's what scared her the most.

Deep down, she wanted to reply to him, but she didn't even know what to say. She didn't want him to leave her alone — maybe that was selfish, but she liked knowing he was at least a little okay. She'd even been keeping secret tabs on the hockey team. They had won their past two games, but Harry had been thrown out in the most recent one for unsportsmanlike conduct. Apparently, he'd gotten into a fight with one of the players on the other team.

Admittedly, that worried her, but she didn't want to be his babysitter. On top of that, the spring showcase was this weekend, and she'd thrown every last bit of her energy into rehearsing and practicing to make sure her performance would be absolutely flawless.

She didn't have the time — or mental capacity — to worry about Harry right now.

. . .

"You look like an idiot."

Harry rolls his eyes as he adjusts the collar on his button down for the third time. James and his girlfriend Melanie had helped him with ironing it out so it looked presentable enough on his body. Anything he ever did rarely called for slacks and button up shirts, but Melanie advised him to look polished and put-together for tonight.

He wasn't in a place to reject her advice.

The other teammates that James lived with weren't quite as kind. Stephen, a sophomore defenseman who was only on the team for the perks of sleeping with every girl he could get his hands on, wouldn't stop throwing sarcastic comments Harry's way.

"Shut up, Stephen!" Melanie calls from the living room. She marches into James' bedroom as Harry smoothes out a few leftover wrinkles in his slacks, swallowing tightly. "When's the last time you cared about something besides fucking random girls? At least Harry has some direction in his life."

"I'm just saying, the girl's been ignoring him for weeks. She's gonna laugh in his face."

"Leave!" Melanie exclaims, batting him on the shoulder. Stephen lets out a yelp of pain and Harry smirks, despite the anxiety throbbing in his chest. "You're not helping! Get out!"

Reluctantly, Stephen rolls his eyes as he follows Melanie's orders and leaves the room. She sighs and comes up from behind Harry before flashing him a hopeful grin.

"You look great, H. I think this is a really sweet gesture."

He nibbles on his bottom lip as he turns to face her. "Okay, but what if Stephen's dumbass is right? She could call security on me and have me removed."

Melanie gives him a sympathetic look, "Yeah, it's a possibility. But isn't it better to go down fighting?"

He shrugs.

"You said ballet is her everything. It's her entire life. Show her that you're willing to integrate yourself into that."

"Yeah," he breathes out, nodding slowly. "Yeah, you're right."

"I know I am." she grins. "Okay, let's get you over there. Don't forget the flowers you picked up!"

. . .

30 minutes later, Harry can't stop shifting uncomfortably as he sits in an aisle seat in the campus auditorium at Y/N's spring showcase.

The massive bouquet of flowers in his lap keep making his nose run and he feels like he's being suffocated by the buttons on his shirt that go all the way up to his neck. Best of all, according to the show program, Y/N isn't scheduled to go on until the very end. She mentioned to him once that being placed as the finale act is the best and biggest compliment, and he can't fight the bit of pride that thrums in his heart.

For an hour, he sits there, fidgeting with the cuffs of his shirt and pinching his bottom lip between his fingers as he waits for Y/N to go on. He sits through mediocre singing showcases and even a violin solo that almost puts him to sleep, if not for the older man clearing his throat next to him. Melanie and James even text him during the intermission to see how it's going, but he doesn't have much to report back.

Finally, the show comes to a close and her name is announced, following by the title of the French piece of music she's dancing to. His heart throbs in his chest — he's so nervous for her, especially knowing she hurt her ankle just a few weeks back. But the second she graces the stage, she's a vision of beauty, strength, and delicacy all at the same time. It's enough to take Harry's breath away.

As he sits there watching her, he doesn't move a muscle. Not for a single jump, spin, or step. He doesn't know anything about ballet — not aside from what Y/N has told him — but in that moment, he realizes that he'd be willing to learn every little thing there is to know if it meant she let him back into her life.

She's gorgeous. She offers a flawless performance and the second she's finished, a look of relief washes over her face as she takes a subdued bow, her pretty eyes widening when she sees all the people — Harry included — standing and applauding her.

For Y/N, the hard part was over. For Harry, it had just begun.

. . .

Y/N is elated to have a moment of silence after her performance.

With the dressing room door shut behind her, she lets out a long, deep breath. The dance she'd been driving herself crazy over for months was finally over.

And yet, for some reason, she feels empty.

She shoves it down as sits, eager to get her pointe shoes off. She's ready to shed her costume and get into sweatpants and head home. She knows the rest of the performers are heading out to a party tonight, but she's exhausted.

She's sorting through the bag of clothes she brought when there's a soft knock at the door. She knows she only has around 20 minutes to get out before the janitorial staff starts cleaning, so she rises with a sigh, unlocking the door and opening it.

"I'll be done soon, I just need to change—"

It's not the janitor, though.

It's Harry. Standing there stiffly in a starchy button down with a huge bouquet of flowers that almost encompass the width of his broad shoulders.

"What are you doing here?" she blurts without thinking.

"I came to watch you perform," he replies gently. His throat bobs as he hands her the flowers. "These are for you."

"You didn't watch me." she snorts with a shake of her head. She hasn't accepted the bouquet yet.

"Yes, I did," he instantly fires back, "What, do you wanna see my ticket for proof? I was in seat F34, next to an old man who kind of smelled like soup, and he kept clearing his throat and it was really annoying but I didn't care because I came to see you, and I'd sit through hours of bullshit to watch you dance."

Harry can't read the blank expression of her face, but he takes it as a step in the right direction when she takes the flowers from him. She blinks as she glances past him and then steps aside, motioning for him to come in.

"I have to get my shit together and leave soon, so... just sit in here."

He nods. He's hesitant to allow himself to relax since he's not sure if he's in the clear yet. She closes the dressing room door behind her and places the bouquet on her vanity.

"I need to change," she says, spinning around to face him. "Close your eyes."

He chuckles until he sees the serious expression on her face. "Wait, really?"

"Yes, really."

"But... I— y'know—"

"Just turn the fuck around, Harry."

He does as he's told, shutting his eyes as he listens to her roll her tights down and step out of her leotard. One day, if she let him, he'd be more than happy to do that for her — not even in a sexual way, but he knows how tiring it can be to take off his own gear after a long game. He thinks it would be nice to be there for her.

"Okay, you're good," she murmurs. She's stuffing her things in her tote bag when he bats his eyes back open.

"Are you meeting up with anyone after this? I'm sure your friends came to see you, but I just wanted to maybe talk and... y'know, clear the air a bit." Harry says, wringing his hands nervously in his lap. Y/N furrows a brow as she analyzes his body language. She doesn't think she's actually seen him look anxious before.

"Um... no," she says with a shake of her head before quickly revising her answer, "No, I mean, I'm not meeting up with anyone and no one came to see me. Except you, I guess."

"Wait, really?"

She sighs as she pauses the process of gathering her things. "Really, Harry."

He swallows tightly. They're silent for a moment as she grabs her jacket and throws it over her shoulders.

"Come over and we'll talk. I borrowed my friend Matt's car for the night but— yeah, you can follow me to my place or whatever. And I can't promise I'll be awake for much longer but I think clearing the air could be... good."

A rush of relief makes its way through Harry's body.

"Okay. Yeah, let's do that."

. . .

"I never said it, but you were flawless tonight."

Y/N laughs breathily as she settles onto her couch, a cup of sleepy time tea in her hand. Harry rejected her offer for one (his response had been, "Y/N, do I look like someone who drinks tea with a sleeping bear on it?") but he'd be lying if he said it didn't at least smell good.

"I fucked up on one of my jetés — I'll get yelled at for it on Monday, but otherwise I'm decently content with the performance."

"Well, you couldn't tell," Harry replies, "Seriously. You were perfect."

Her cheeks warm and she stares down at her tea. Her legs are sprawled out in front of her while Harry sits on the other edge of the couch, giving her plenty of room to stretch out.

"So... clearing the air."

Harry clears his throat and nods, prepared to embark on the speech he'd been practicing in his head for weeks. But then, she speaks.

"I'm sorry for running out on you and ignoring you," she says, keeping her gaze down in her lap. "That wasn't... I'm not the best person. I'm bad at feelings and I use ballet as a crutch. I figure it's the one thing I'm really, exceptionally good at, and that should give me a pass in life but I know that's not true. I can't just go around treating people like shit because I'm... scared."

"What are you scared of?" Harry asks through furrowed brows. "I'm sorry if I stepped out of line that night, I should've been better—"

"You didn't. You were great. You did everything perfectly," she replies with a shake of her head. Her response surprises him, but he tries to hide the shock on his face. "I'm scared because you're you. You're a hotshot hockey player and, besides this showcase, you're the only other thing I've thought about these past few weeks. That's horrifying for me."

"Is this...?" Harry attempts to roll his lips into a thin line, preventing a smirk from bursting onto his face. "Is this a very Y/N way of telling me that you like me?"

She groans, as if it's the worst thing to ever happen to her, and it makes Harry laugh.

"Don't laugh at me!" she exclaims. That only makes Harry cackle even louder as he slowly crawls over to her, taking her warm cup of tea out of her hands and placing it on the coffee table.

"You're cute when you're exasperated." he murmurs. She pouts and his eyes crinkle with a grin as he peels her shaky hands away from her face.

"You're the one exasperating me."

"I know," he replies lowly, licking his lips as his face hovers over hers, "I like it."

"This isn't us agreeing to date, by the way." she quickly tacks on. He issues out a mhm as he leans forward, testing the waters, and pressing a light kiss to her nose. "We need to take it slow. Like, painfully slow. Or else I'll freak out and run away again."

"Whatever you want." he mumbles, kissing her right cheek. "I mean it."

"And you can't just overwhelm me whenever you feel like it."

He laughs and kisses her left cheek, then her forehead.

"Okay. Any other demands?"

He stops pasting kisses to her face then, instead choosing to simply loom his lips over hers. He can feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest and watches as she swallows nervously.

"No," she finally whispers. "Just kiss me."

And so he does.

669 notes · View notes

zegrasdrysdale · 2 months

Note

Hi! Could you do a Luke Hughes x reader where the reader still goes to UMich while Luke is in Jersey w/ Jack and she speculates he’s cheating on her? Angst with a happy ending, preferably? Thank you!

[ 604 miles ] l. hughes

paring : Luke Hughes x fem!reader

summary : after seeing Luke on Jack’s private story, his girlfriend begins speculating that he’s doing more than just playing hockey

warning(s) : angst ! but w a happy ending. mentions of cheating. reader still goes to Umich

author’s note : oooh this is gonna be juicy

༺═──────────────═༻

She trusts Luke. She swear she does, but she can’t help but feel the little pull at her heart when she watches him in the background of Jack’s private story.

A bunch of their mutual Michigan friends started to text her while she was doing homework. Even fans on social media have been posting about it and tagging her in posts.

She was confused, then she opened Snapchat to see what they were talking about.

In one video, Jack’s drunk and dancing to some song that she doesn’t know. In the background, she sees her boyfriend sitting at a booth with some blonde at his side. He isn’t touching her, but she’s sitting too close to him.

In another video, Luke’s in the background dancing with that same girl. She notices the smile on Luke’s face when he faces the camera.

It brings tears to her eyes as she jumps to an immediate conclusion. She’s been right every time so far.

She truly thought he was different than the other hockey players she dated. They all cheated on her too, and Luke promised her over and over again that he would never do that to her.

Well, here he is. Probably cheating on her and Jack is posting it all over his private Snap story for all their mutual friends to see. It’s embarrassing for her.

It took months for Luke to break down the wall she built around her heart. They met halfway through their freshman year at Michigan. It wasn’t until the beginning of their sophomore year that they started dating.

With her sadness turning into anger and tears rolling down her hot face, she calls Luke. It keeps ringing. And ringing. So she calls one more time.

And gets his voicemail.

“Luke Warren Hughes, you have five minutes to call me back or you’re going to end up without a girlfriend,” she says into the phone. “I mean it. And you better have a damn good reason you’re dancing with some random blonde girl on Jack’s Snapchat.” Then she hits the end button and puts the phone on her desk with the screen up.

A minute passes and her phone doesn’t ring. She doesn’t get a text.

Two minutes pass and her fingers are itching to call him again. She wants to stay true to her word because if Luke has a good explanation as to why he’s with some blonde then he’ll call her back.

Four minutes pass from the call. She drafts a text to Jack that she’s going to send in a minute if her phone doesn’t ring.

‘ tell luke i’m going to send him his things that i have in my apartment and that i want mine back. i’m done. ’

After five minutes pass, she sends the text.

It’s not the first time that this has happened, and it’s the last. Not only is she done with Luke, she’s done with any hockey boys in general. Too many times has she gotten her heart broken because the relationship had to go long distance. Too many times has she had too much trust.

Two minutes after she sents Jack the text, her phone rings. Jack is calling her.

“I really don’t feel like explaining why-”

“What do you mean you’re done?” Luke interrupts before she can finish her sentence. “What did I do?”

Her jaw drops. “You can’t be serious, Luke,” she replies. “I saw you in the background of Jack’s snaps getting too comfortable with a blonde girl. Sitting with her and a smile on your face while dancing with her? You told me you wouldn’t break my heart.”

“That’s not- baby, she’s a friend,” Luke tries to defend. “Jack’s friend if I’m being honest. He was busy hanging out with Nico and Dawson so she came to sit with me. She dragged me out onto the dance floor and told me to dance. I told her I had a girlfriend and she still dragged me to the dance floor and got close to me. I didn’t try to do anything with her because I don’t want to.”

Tears sting her eyes. “I gave you a chance to explain yourself,” she tells him. “I called you twice before I texted Jack. It took me texting Jack before you called me from his phone. You told me you’d never break my heart but you did. I don’t trust you, Luke. I’ve been told that same story over and over again.”

Luke stays silent. She has to dry her own tears that have rolled down her cheeks. She has to cover her mouth so she doesn’t let out a sob that he hears.

She’s standing her ground. She’s protecting her heart. The 604 miles between them should be enough space and make it easier to move on.

“(Y/N), I would never cheat on you,” Luke tells her. She can hear the sincerity in his voice but she still doesn’t believe him.

“Luke, I can’t right now,” she softly says. She’s pretty sure he can’t even hear her because of how loud it is in the bar or wherever they are. “I’m sorry.”

Then she hangs up. She shuts her phone off and crawls into bed, completely forgetting about her homework. All she wants to do right now is wallow.

His words are just words. She knows what she saw. Right now, nothing that Luke can say to her will change her mind about being done.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It’s nearly two in the afternoon when she hears a knock on her off-campus apartment door. She hasn’t gotten up out of bed in nearly forty-eight hours except to use the bathroom. Her phone hasn’t been turned on since her talk with Luke the other day.

Someone is probably coming to check on her since she has fallen off the face of the Earth for the moment. That is the only reason why she drags herself out of bed to go answer the door.

When she swings open the door, it’s the last person she expects to be on her doorstep. He actually supposed to be in California right now. They have a game to play in a few hours in Anaheim.

Luke holds a single rose out for her and a little basket full of snacks is in his other hand. “I was going to get a whole bouquet for you but I forgot to grab one at the store,” he tells her. “If anyone asks, I did not pull this from the bed by the front door of the building.”

“What are you doing here?” she asks. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I wanted to talk,” he replies. “You haven’t been replying to any of my texts or answering my calls. I told Lindy that I needed a few personal days and he told me that I can come back when I’m ready to. I didn’t want you to keep thinking that I was cheating on you or hurting you. That was never my intention.”

She rolls her eyes and walks into the apartment. Luke is quick to follow her and shut the door behind her. “You can say what you have to say then you can get on a flight to Anaheim to play tonight,” she tells him as she sits on the couch in the living room.

He sets the basket of snacks on the coffee table in front of her and sets the rose next to it. Luke pulls out his phone and taps on it for a second. She’s about to say something when he shows her his screen.

It’s a picture of the blonde girl that was with Luke, but she’s all cuddled up with Jack. Jack looks happy and is looking at her like she’s the only person in the world. It was taken at the beginning of the night because she can tell that there is something behind Jack’s eyes.

“It’s Jack’s ‘friend’,” Luke assures her. “They’re together but aren’t telling people they’re together but they make it obvious that they are. The reason she was hanging out with me for a little bit was because she wanted to know how to tell Jack that she’s ready to publicly be together.”

She looks up at Luke behind the phone. “You couldn’t answer your phone and just tell me that?” she asks.

“I left it in the car,” he tells her. He taps on the screen a few more times and holds up a screenshot of his and Jack’s locations. They weren’t together, and it looks like Luke was right outside the building.

It’s all making sense to her. Her and her trust issues were wrong this time.

A pout forms on her lips at the same time tears form in her eyes. “You really weren’t lying to me,” she mumbles. Her voice is incredibly shaky.

“I told you that I would never break your heart,” Luke tells her. “Not intentionally. I definitely wouldn’t cheat on you. I know you’re past with that and no matter how upset I am with you, I wouldn’t resort to that. Unlike everyone else you’ve been with, I’m more willing to communicate. Hell, I took time away from the team to come make sure we were okay.”

One of the tears rolls down her cheeks and Luke uses the back of his pointer finger to wipe it away. She leans into his touch and looks at him. “I’m sorry, Luke,” she says. It comes out as more of a sob than actual words.

He moves closer to her and throws an arm over her shoulders. She curls up against him and Luke kisses the top of her head. “It’s okay,” he assures her. “I know how you think so I gave you a little bit then came to talk to you. Just needed you to think with your head and not your past.”

She frowns and throws her legs over his lap. Luke holds her close.

“Do you want to go to Anaheim to play?” she asks as she looks up at him. “There’s enough time for you to make it for warmups.”

Luke shakes his head. “I think I want to spend a few days with you,” he replies. “I’m pretty sure they can handle a couple of games without me. I need a handful of days off where I don’t think about hockey. I haven’t been playing the best so a break sounds nice.”

“It’s your first season,” she tells him as she runs her fingers through his curls. “There is so much pressure on you because of your last name. You’re most likely feeling it without realizing it.”

He looks at his girlfriend. “I know,” he sighs. “Just give me a few days and I’ll head back to Jersey to play when they get back from the California trip.”

She leans forward and presses a long kiss to his cheek. “I love you,” she tells him. “I think you’ll grow into your NHL skates. You’ll have an insane season next season, or even for the last 20 something games of the season.”

“I love you too,” Luke replies. “Sorry I made you think I was cheating on you.”

“Got you to come see me so I guess I forgive you,” she teases.

It’s been a few weeks since Luke came to see her. They watched the All Star game together in the apartment. That was the last time they saw each other.

Luke gets comfortable on the couch. “Can we take a nap since we’re okay?” he asks. “I’m exhausted.”

“Only if we move to the bed because you are too big to share a couch with.”

༺═──────────────═༻

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641 notes · View notes

fourmoony · 3 months

Text

𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧

james potter x f!reader | modern!hockey au

cw: injury, language, use of pain medication (gas and air), exes reconciliation

summary - James is there for ex!reader when she has an accident on the ice.

2.8k

Took a break from writing ch3 of FOW to write this lil ficcy.

---

The arena goes silent the minute the programme music starts, the lights a deep blue, the music soft and slow. He’s on the Gryffindor bench, helmet at his feet, bottle half empty and hanging limply from his hands – they’re cold now they’re out of his gloves. The rest of the team has eyes on the tunnel, the whole arena does, and when James catches sight of you, he understands why, would singlehandedly go into the stands and force anyone who wasn’t paying enough attention to just – look.

Look at the way you skate so softly, like every movement comes straight from your soul, the way your dress glitters under the light, the way it makes your skin glow. He thinks you’re ethereal, honestly. He always has. But he’s not exactly allowed to think that, anymore, is he?

You skid to a stop in the middle of the ice, getting into position. Remus places a supportive hand on James’ shoulder, gives his friend an understanding look. Everything you do is always so precise, so fluid and beautiful. The way you skate is pure elegance, unlike hockey, which is rough and fast, harsh movements and even harsher words. The music fades out, changes to the start of a song James has never seen you skate to, before. But then, he supposes – he hasn’t seen you skate in four months. He hasn’t watched you try, and try, fall, and try, and fall again until you get a new move, a new routine, a sense of achievement.

He hasn’t sat on the bleachers freezing his arse off after practice just to be in your presence, or took you to eat, after. He hasn’t made sure you’re eating, sleeping, taking time to look after and care for yourself, and not just your talent.

You look different. Still beautiful, still the girl James fell in love with. But you look different. He can’t pinpoint it, really. There’s just a difference in the way you look straight at the empty penalty box as you wait for your cue that doesn’t sit right in James’ chest. It’s clunky and a little painful, a broken promise of something. You’re not looking at him. Whenever you skate at Hogwarts Arena – you look for James. Whether he’s playing or in the crowd. A nod from him, and you’re off like a shot into whatever performance your coach has chosen. Now, though, you’re staring blankly at the penalty box, not James.

He gets it, he does. It’s over. Has been for a while. But he wishes you’d look over, knows how nervous you get, wants to give you a reassuring smile. James sees the way your knees wobble as you kick off, floating across the ice like you could be flying.

You make it look so effortless, skating. You look weightless as you twist and turn into jumps James could never imagine being able to pull off – and he’s been skating since he could walk. He admires the steady movements, the emotion on your face as you glide, and spin, and jump, and the emotion on your face as the music follows the highs and lows of your routine. You’re so focussed you don’t seem to notice how the pain, the heartache of the song, the weight of the routine, bleeds from you.

It’s beautiful, in a way.

You’re beautiful in every way.

James feels the weight of watching you crushing him like a building sitting on his chest. He’s been slammed into the boards eight times in the first two quarters – not once had it hurt as much as watching you out there, so lovely, so gentle, so sad, so close but so fucking far. James thinks perhaps Remus’ hand on his shoulder is to keep him in place, for if it wasn’t there, he’d be out on the ice following you, right now. Heart in his hand, begging you to take it, no matter what it costs you both.

He’s always been selfish with love. He knows that, now. He does.

James should see it coming a mile off. He knows everything about you, the way you skate. He has every breath change, every wobble, every movement you make on the ice memorised. So, when you jump off with your left pick instead of your right – James should know what’s about to happen. You spin once, and James realises, too late, that jumping with the wrong foot has thrown you off. You’re on the ice in less than a second, the music cuts off, the crowd and both teams make gasping noises, murmured concerns. James doesn’t hear any of it.

All he can hear is the ice shattering scream you let out.

You don’t get up. James waits several seconds, and you don’t get up. Remus shoves him, Sirius pulls open the board door and James, in only his under armour and protective trousers, skates loosened for the break, skates to you as fast as he can. There’s cheering from the crowd when James comes flying out of the team box, but James can’t hear any of it over the sounds you’re making.

He’s seen you fall hundreds of times. He’s seen you pull muscles and break ribs, bruise tail bones, sprain ankles and he has never heard you make noise like this in his life. The medics haven’t arrived yet, James skids to a stop, drops to his knees. You don’t look up, face tilted towards the ice – a media training stunt so the crowd can’t see how much pain you’re actually in. But he can tell your eyes are screwed shut, fists clenched so tight he’s concerned you might break your wrists.

He says your name, soft, gentle, and it sounds foreign coming out of his mouth.

You take a shuddering breath, head tilting in the cage your arms have made for it just slightly. Your eyes are filled with so much fear that James finds it hard to breathe, tears spilling out and onto your red cheeks, “My hip. My hip, Jamie, my hip.”

You sound terrified, broken, in agonising pain. James shouts for a medic, loud enough that he thinks the whole arena can hear. There’s refs and managers, your skating coach, all on the ice when the medics come running. James feels as though he could throttle every last one for taking so long. You’re crying, curled in on yourself, and James knows better than to touch you, like this. It makes the pain worse, makes you feel like you’re suffocating. And he thinks, maybe, that you just don’t want him to touch you, regardless, anyway.

The medics slide the board under you, roll you onto your back and the scream of agony you let out breaks James. He’s crying, and you reach for his hand, squeeze it so tight he feels his bones rub together.

“Potter!” Moody, his coach, yells after him when he starts to follow the medics off the ice with you.

“I’m not leaving her.” James doesn’t leave room for negotiation, doesn’t want Moody to challenge him on this because he might do something stupid and lose his place in the league all together.

His coach sighs, nods, and James is off like a shot. He catches up with you in the tunnel, headed straight for the Gryffindor PT room. You’re still sobbing, awful, throaty cries that are etching their way around James’ ribs, threatening to break and scratch and pull at them. It’s a flurry of noise and shouting and protests from you whenever someone comes close to touching your hip. It’s chaos.

James isn’t really all that sure if you’ve fully registered that he’s there, honestly, or if you’re in so much pain you don’t have it in you to argue over his presence. The medic gives James a look, a rather pointed one, when you refuse for the millionth time to let anyone touch your hip. He isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do. You’re not his girlfriend, anymore. You’re not his, you don’t love him. He can’t comfort you the way he used to.

“Jamie,” You’re breathless, face red and blotchy, hand gripping his, looking up at him with fear, “Don’t let them. It hurts.”

And James feels like he’s drowning.

“Hey,” He gets close to your face, the thumb of his free hand swiping away the tears from your eyes, “They can’t help you if you don’t let them see what’s wrong.”

“It hurts.”

“I know,” He soothes, pushing strands of hair from your forehead, “But it’s gonna hurt a lot longer if you don’t let them fix it.”

You seem to consider, hiccupping breaths filling the silence. The medic makes an impatient sound and James throws him a cutting look.

“Short term pain, long term gain.” James murmurs into the skin of your forehead. It's a joke saying - something you used to say rather bitterly when you hurt yourself learning a new stunt.

You don’t flinch, don’t pull away or protest when he presses his lips to the heated skin. It provides the distraction the medics need to cut the seam of your dress and reveal the skin of your hip. A junior medic passes you a nozzle, wheels a tank to the side of the table you’re on, and passes you it, “Gas and air. You’re going to need it.”

James wishes he could have some, too.

The medics work, you almost chew through the air nozzle when they try to push your hip back into place, and eventually, James has to murmur panicked and overly loud sweet nothings into your ear over the gut wrenching cries you let out when the medic yanks and then pushes your hip right back into place.

The game is long since over. Gryffindor won.

You’re limp on the table, waiting for the crowd to leave before the ambulance can make it to the player exit. James sits, watches you drift in and out of consciousness, begs his heart to return to normal because you’re not in pain anymore, not in danger. You’re here. In front of him. Okay.

Sirius appears a little after the game, freshly showered and in his suit.

“She okay?” He asks, hands stuffed into his suit trouser pockets.

You and Sirius are close. Still. James doesn’t hold it against either of you. You’ve both been such an intracule part of each other’s lives that he’d be evil for expecting that to come to an end just because you and James didn’t work out. You both deserve better than his jealousy.

“Dislocated her hip. They think she’s torn some ligaments; need to wait on the hospital scans to be sure.” James replies, eyes roving over your face.

You look so peaceful, asleep. So free of pain, of the fear and agony you’d been in only half an hour ago. His heart aches. He wants to coddle you, assure you you’ll be okay. He knows he can’t.

Sirius nods, “She’ll skate again? Or no?”

The medic hadn’t seemed hopeful. James doesn’t know who’s going to have the job of telling you, but he’s praying for them. You won’t take this news lightly, “Not at the level she’s at now.”

He watches the concern wash over Sirius. They both know what it’s like to skate. Sure, hockey and figure skating are different – but the mindset is often the same. James can’t imagine being told he couldn’t skate. It’s part of him – his soul. As it is, yours.

“You okay?”

James shakes his head, “No. I can’t stop hearing her. That scream, Padfoot - It hollowed me out.”

Sirius nods, like he understands. Perhaps he does, in some way. He heard it, too. “She’s okay. For now. You going in the ambulance?”

“I don’t think she’d appreciate that.”

“I’ll wait for you in the car, then.” Sirius leaves without another word but offers James an understanding look. He gets it. He knows what it’s like for love to hurt. He and Remus spent years hurting each other for no good reason.

The room is quiet when Sirius goes. Just the steady sounds of your breathing, the beeping of your monitor. James allows himself to press his palm to your cheek one last time. He wills himself to stand up, to leave. He can’t manage it. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to walk away from you. Not like this.

“Stay. Please.”

You’re awake. He’s not sure how long you’ve been awake, but he has a feeling you heard his conversation with Sirius. His heart feels like it’s been kick started, like for the first time since you hit the ice, he can breathe.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He promises, thumb rubbing at your neck, hand cupping your jaw.

You nod, swallow, “I won’t skate again, will I?”

“You don’t know that.”

A noise akin to a scoff escapes your lips, which wobble as you speak, “Everyone knows how these injuries end, Jamie. I’ll be a coach, at best.”

He wishes he could tell you that you might make a full recovery, that you’ll go back to being the ethereal, elegant skater you’ve been since he met you all those years ago. He’s never lied to you before, though, so he won’t start now. You both know the statistics, the stories, how it goes. Rehab for six months, and if you’re lucky, you’ll skate in a straight line again.

“I’m so, so, sorry.” He doesn’t know what else to say.

You shush him, a fresh set of tears springing to your eyes, “I should’ve looked for you. I should’ve, I knew I should’ve, but I thought if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from coming to you. From coming to tell you that I was sorry, that I was wrong, I should’ve…”

James takes his turn shushing you as the quiet sobs rack your body. You used to chide him for his superstitions, it breaks his heart that you think breaking one caused this. He leans over, lips to the skin of your forehead, pressing over and over as though it might make the weight of his love settle into your brain, “No. Please don’t do that, please. Don’t blame yourself. These things happen. Accidents, they happen, no one is a perfect skater, okay?”

“But it’s my fault we broke up.”

You sound so broken, so tired. James doesn’t know what to say, isn't sure what relevance that has to this, so he says nothing.

Time passes, the medics return, bring James his joggies and hoodie and his shoes. He changes quickly, comes in the ambulance to the hospital.

He waits with you, holds your hand, gives you as much reassurance as he can. The doctor tells you three hours later that you’ll never skate at the same level again, and James holds you. He’s careful not to crush you when he climbs into the hospital bed, and he holds you until there’s no more tears left for you to cry. He sits with you in the silence, is patient when you get angry, frustrated, blame yourself and the world, even him, and he’s there. He stays. He doesn’t allow you to push him away this time.

The sun creeps up over the trees, cuts through the fluorescent hospital lighting and casts its golden glow on you, and James remembers.

He remembers all the time away from the rink, the beach, his parent’s summer house, road trips, theme parks, early mornings in his apartment, coffees in the car after practice. He remembers that there, once, had been more to your relationship than skating. It became habit, after a while. Skate, fight, train, skate, fight, train. It got tiring. It got old, and it drove a wedge between you both.

But he remembers how freely you once loved each other, the person you are, not the way you skate. Your soul, bright and luminous, off the ice. You’re so much more than a pair of skates and a beautiful routine. You’re ethereal all on your own.

You wake not long after, the pain medication worn off and reality starting to set in.

If you’re surprised to find James in your hospital bed with you, you don’t show it. You offer him a gentle smile. A kind smile. A hopeful smile. He kisses the crown of your head, nestles as close as your hip will allow. You make a grateful humming noise.

"I'll survive this."

James notes that you don't sound all that sure. But he knows you will. He squeezes you gently, "You will."

"And you'll be there? I know it's selfish of me to ask..."

"I'm not going anywhere. Promise." James' thumb pulls your lip from where it's worrying between your teeth, and you look so soft, so scared. So. Lovely.

You seem happy with that answer, cheek rubbing happily against his shoulder, "We'll work it out."

"We will."

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sunkissed-zegras · 2 months

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🍯Luke Hughes

Maybe number soft morning sex but they have to be quiet as to not wake up Jack?? Like oc is nervous about being to loud and Luke convinces her they can be quiet enough and Jack is a deep sleeper. (Consensual convincing of course)

Prompt list two:

39. “You take me so well”

42. “Feels good,doesn’t it?”

𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 | lh⁴³

♡ ─ word count | 822

♡ ─ warnings | NSFW under the cut!! good ol' lazy spooning morning sex, p in v, nothing else?

♡ ─ ev's notes | again, LUKE HUGHES DEF WHIMPERS

Your eyes fluttered open, a yawn escaping your mouth as you stretched out your arms. Glancing at the bedside clock, you saw that it was 9:49 am. Waking up this early on a Sunday felt like a crime, but the distant sound of the TV in Jack's room suggested he was already up.

Sensing movement beside you, you realized that Luke had also woken up. A lazy smile adorned your face as Luke turned towards you, his eyes adjusting to the morning light. A gentle smile tugging at the corners of his lips as his messy hair fell across his forehead making your stomach do a little flip. He always looked so cute in the morning.

"Morning," Luke murmured, his voice still husky with sleep, as he reached out to brush a stray strand of hair from your face. His touch was warm against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. "Why is Jack up this early?"

You shook your head as you sighed. "Not sure but I don't think I can go back to bed with all the noise."

"Yeah, me neither." Luke's lips curved into a smirk as he watched you, his hands moving downward to settle on your waist. "Maybe we should do something else, then?"

A soft laugh escaped your mouth as Luke spoke, shaking your head at disbelief. His hands moved down to your hips and squeezed roughly, the smirk still evident on his face.

"Luke..." You sighed, "Don't you think Jack will hear something?"

"Only if you're not quiet," Luke shot back, his fingers drawing circles on your hips as he watched you. "Please, baby?"

You rolled your eyes in annoyance but you couldn't say you didn't want to, either. This past week, you and Luke hadn't done anything because Jack was somehow always in the way. You would be lying if you didn't miss how Luke made you feel, how full he always made you feel.

"Fine." You huffed, making Luke let out a relieved sigh. You turned your body so that Luke would be spooning you and he immediately pushed his hard-on against you, a shiver going down your spine; he was not joking, he was rock hard.

Luke's hands were settled on your hips before one of his hands went down to your underwear, teasing you through your underwear. You let out a frustrated sigh, "Luke, please."

If this was any other time, Luke would've teased you endlessly. But right now, he wanted to fuck just as (if not more) than you. "Okay, okay baby." He pulled down your pajama shorts effortlessly, rubbing his clothed cock against your ass. You heard his breathing quicken behind you, making your whole body warm up.

Luke pulled out his cock and pushed your underwear to the side quickly, lining up his tip to your entrance. He pushed in and the both of you let out relieved sighs, relishing in the feeling of each other. "Fuck, I missed this. You take me so well, baby."

You let out a whimper in response as Luke bottomed you completely, holding your hips against his. You felt so full and so good, you loved how he made you feel -- it was like you two were made for each other. Luke let you adjust before he began slowly thrusting in and out you, creating sounds that echoed throughout the room.

"Feels good, huh, baby?" Luke grunted in between thrusts as you nodded, your mouth hanging out. "Gotta be quiet, princess."

He knew you couldn't no matter how hard you tried, which made his ego skyrocket. One of his hands clasped against your mouth, effectively quieting you down. "Take me so good, baby."

Luke's other hand went up to lift your leg so he could fuck you deeper, making you let out a muffled moan. Luke let out a few more groans of his own and he hoped that Jack was too engulfed in whatever show he was watching to hear. His hips snapped against your ass quicker, both of you chasing after your highs.

"Shit, so close baby." Luke felt your cunt clench around him, making his whole body twitch. "So close, baby." He moved his face to the crook of your neck as he felt himself edge closer to release.

He felt you tighten around him before cumming around him, causing him to let out a grunt. A few more deep thrusts and he was cumming inside you, both of you sweaty and sticky messes. Luke let go of your leg but he didn't pull out, he instead pulled you closer against his chest.

After you both catched your breaths, Luke let out a chuckle. "I really hope Jack didn't hear anything."

"Oh yeah, and who's the one who 'should be quieter'" You teased as he shook his head playfully.

"It's not my fault you have a million dollar pussy." Luke shrugged, earning a playful glare from you.

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

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luvmmarner · 7 months

Text

MATTHEW TKACHUK - Good 4 u

This is one of the older works of mine, so my writing style is pretty different. It's a reupload since it was just gone for some reason. TW: cheating, heart break, no happy ending (sorry not really). PART OF THE SOUR SERIES

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

You found a new girl, and it only took a couple weeks

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (World?)

Only 3 weeks it took Matthew to move on. You knew way before that he was cheating. The look of losing interest was plastered on his face every time he looked at you. He rarely even called you when he was away for a few days. But you denied it until you couldn’t. You always would brush it off and say to yourself. That Matthew would never do that to you. Even when the evidence was clearly in front of you.

During the start of the relationship Matthew always wanted what was best for you and would do anything you wanted. He wanted to give you everything the world included. That was however, when he was still in love with you. It didn’t seem like that now.

Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy

Not me, if you ever cared to ask

Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby

God, I wish that I could do that

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom

After you and Matthew broke up it seemed like this new girlfriend of his just stepped right into your place. They both started to post on instagram and it was even on some headlines. All talk about their relationship. Heck, not even one person seemed to care. You didn’t really expect anyone too, because Matthew never posted or your relationship never was public. His pathetic excuse was ‘I don’t want you to get backlash or hate.’ You believed it was true until some point when he started to talk to his current girlfriend.

It seemed like his life was perfect and that he was clearly doing way better without you there. His new girlfriend was a full on replacement and was probably doing a way better job then you ever had. He moved on unlike you. Whenever you turned on your phone or tried to scroll through instagram, posts of him were everywhere. You couldn’t help break down which made your heart break even more and restart all over again.

Almost every night you would find yourself on the floor crying, wishing that you could go restart everything and find out. What you did wrong in the relationship. You tried your best and it hurt so badly.

Well, good for you, I guess you're getting everything you want (ah)

You bought a new car and your career's really taking off (ah)

It's like we never even happened

Baby, what the fuck is up with that? (Ha)

And good for you, it's like you never even met me

It’s only been a month since you and Matthew split and he seemed to be getting everything he ever wanted. He had an amazing girlfriend and they bought a house together. And his career was taking off ever since he moved to florida to play for them. He was the talk of hockey currently and you couldn’t go a day without hearing someone talk about him. It frustrated you; it was like you never existed to him. The fans didn't even know. Not even any of his new teammates or old teammates. You were just another stranger to all of them. It was like you and him never even met or knew each other. He didn’t even reach out, you were truly nothing to him.

Maybe I'm too emotional

But your apathy is like a wound in salt

Maybe I'm too emotional

Or maybe you never cared at all

After a while you started to ask yourself if you’re just too emotional. Clearly he didn’t feel how you felt. But you decided it was because of what he put you through. He never showed care or apathy like how you showed him. It was because he never truly cared. Why else would he leave you when you tried your absolute best for him.

Whenever you tried to recall him caring about you or showing interest. You couldn’t remember you and matthew were together for 9 months and during the 6 month mark is when he started to slowly lose interest in you. It started with him not asking how your day was and it came to the point where he wouldn't even call you, or cognize you.

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.

It was now time for you to move on, so that’s what you did. You packed up your stuff and said goodbye to everything you ever knew in your city and moved. You moved closer to some friends in New York. You bought yourself a small little apartment and set yourself up there. For a fresh start and new beginnings.

After a few weeks in your new city you began to feel comfortable and happy. There wasn’t really any mention of Matthew in New York, as there’s two New York teams and they were mainly the talk of the night & day. So you fully moved on partially yes you would sometimes have a good cry here and there. But it wasn’t frequent. You could finally go to NHL games without tearing up and you started to post on instagram again.

You were almost ready to start dating again until your phone lit up and a message appeared on your lock screen. You didn’t even need to look twice. You already knew who it was. "I’m sorry." You didn’t want to hear it. It’s been months and he messages you now. You couldn’t deal with it, you didn’t want to restart all of your progress you made over the months. So you just blocked the number and threw your phone across the room not even thinking twice to even send a response back. It felt good to finally get rid of the last fragment of your relationships existence. He moved on really easily so you can finally now as well.

#matthew tkachuk #nhl hockey #hockey #nhl imagine #nhl #hockey imagine #hockey angst #angst #nhl sour #matthew tkachuk imagine #florida panthers #calgary flames #nhl angst

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strnilolo · 13 days

Text

delirious

summary: the boys prank yn by saying random gibberish when they first wake up

warnings: cursing, very short sorry guys. use of y/n, lowercase intentional.

|navigation|

“y/n!” matt shakes you awake frantically calling your name, already confusing you.

“y/n you have to get up quick, madi needs mayonnaise and waffle fries and we’re already late to christmas dinner”

“what??” matt shoved the camera in your face, the bright flash causing you to squint your eyes.

“y/n i don’t have time to explain, we have to go. nick and chris are already in the car” matt stifled a laugh, quickly grabbing your hands, urging you out the door.

“where’s nick?” your delirious state leaves you stumbling to put on your crocs while matt rushes you down the stairs to the garage.

“he’s in the car, come on we have to get the waffle fries before subway closes” you miss a step, almost face planting down the stairs.

matt laughed, helping you up and into the back seat of the car.

“took you guys long enough madi just said she needs extra yellow mayonnaise” nick smirked towards the camera.

“nick what the fuck are you talking about? where are we going” you begin to wake up, your fall helping you gain consciousness.

“matt didn’t tell you? we’re already late for christmas dinner and madi needs extra yellow mayonnaise and waffle fries. we have to stop at subway on our way to the square” chris takes the camera off the dash, shoving it towards your face.

“chris get the camera out of my face- what the fuck are you saying?? it’s june. how are we late for christmas dinner?” the boys laugh at your confused manor, failing to explain to you what was actually going on.

“oh my god, dude, you’re actually pissing me off. matt where are we going??” you dramatically turn to face the three of them, only to be faced with smirks and the flash of a camera.

“you guys are awful.” you sigh, crossing your arms, before opening the car door to return to your bed to sleep.

|likes, comments, and reblogs always appreciated :)|

| 🏷️ @bananabread-nana @abbie13sworld @mxqdii |

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ifimdreaming · 3 months

Text

can i take you home?

luke hughes x reader || angst, fluff

request: “i like the idea of her best friend going to michigan/dating a former teammate of lukes so thats how luke and reader meet! i love angst and given that its lukes rookie year/she goes to college in another state, maybe they could be friends w benefits but both have strong feelings.”

author's note: i thought this request was so so cute so i kind of took it and ran. also kinda influenced by i miss you, im sorry by gracie abrams. this is also super long but i hope the ending is worth it. let me know if i should do more parts of this!

word count: 5.0k

Waking up to the sound of your best friend pounding on the guest bedroom door at 7am was not exactly the best way to start your day. But since you are staying the weekend in her student house that she shares with 5 other people, there are definitely unluckier ways you could have been awoken.

“Morning sleepy head!!! I'm so happy you're up!” your best friend Emma almost shouts as she barges in the room, after you very reluctantly told her she could come in. She immediately begins opening the curtains, and rummaging through her closet to find her outfit for the day.

In her haste she almost spills the two cups of coffee she had brought up from the kitchen as she sets them on the dresser beside the bed, her mug being almost completely empty anyway. You can tell by her enthusiasm and caffeine intake that she has been up for quite a long time before deciding to wake you up.

You groggily roll over and face away from the wide open curtains, not ready to face the day yet and really disappointed in yourself for choosing to drive up so late last night in the first place.

Of course you were happy to be able to visit your best friend, the two of you going to different schools making it incredibly hard to spend much time together anymore. But being back here brought back so many memories of the last time you visited. Both good and bad. And to be honest, all you could think about was him. From the very moment Emma invited you, he has been on your mind nonstop.

The way he made you feel so utterly adored when he brought you back to his room, how he spoke to you so gently and quietly the one morning when you were hungover, the time he spilled and called you ‘his’ while you were in bed together, and how much it seemed like it would last forever. It was all coming back so strongly.

“So, what are the plans for the day Little Miss Sunshine?” you sit up, reluctantly speaking your first words of the day after clearing your throat.

“Well! First I thought we'd go get bagels for breakfast from down the street, and then I think one of us may need a quick shower before we officially start our day…” Emma says with a hand on the side of her mouth, pretending to be saying a secret as she is side-eyeing you, and you just stare at her offendedly, “Aaand we are doing something tonight so maybe we should go shopping..” she says quickly and excitedly, clearly brushing past what exactly it is that we are doing tonight.

“Alright then.” you say as you check your phone for probably the 20th time in the 10 minutes you've been awake. And you can see Emma staring at you from the corner of your eye so you decide to throw your phone to the other side of the bed, getting up and ready to go. You knew she wasn't oblivious, but you did not want to acknowledge the look she was giving you right now, and honestly it did not seem necessary to bring anything up.

Besides, this weekend isn't even about him. Dylan's surprise birthday party is tomorrow and your best friend was so excited to be planning it with your help. She hadn't done anything this extravagant for her boyfriend before and she wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

Obviously the last thing you would want to do is ruin this weekend for her, and your stupid feelings and non-relationship are included in that.

The walk to the bagel shop seemed awkwardly long as you were both not acknowledging the fact that your mind is very very distracted. It wasn't intentional. But feelings and places have such strong connections and the fact that things felt so unresolved was not helping. Everywhere you are here reminds you of him.

“How's your bagel?” Emma speaks up, finally breaking the silence on your walk home, thankfully giving you an opportunity to get out of your thoughts.

“Oh it's good! Thanks! I was super hungry…” you say, trying to muster up a believable enough reason for why you've been so off today.

You continue walking and shuffling your feet in silence and are about to return back to the house before Emma looks at you and sighs loudly.

So. Close. You are literally about to step onto the driveway of the house when she stops you.

“Ok can we just talk about it please? Because there is no way we are going to get through this entire weekend just ignoring it.” she says, stepping in front of you and blocking any sort of way for you to get out of this conversation.

“What are you talking about?” you say with a grumble and a sigh. Knowing she is going to get it out of you. Obviously she would.

“Luke.” Emma says deadpan, waiting for your response.

For some reason at this moment you wanted to cry just hearing his name. But you also wanted to yell. Your feelings were confusing and annoying and it upset you to even have to talk about it with someone, even though you knew you should.

“I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I can't stop thinking about him, and everything is so confusing.” you whisper-yell at her in frustration.

It pained you to admit that you couldn't get him off your mind. You didn't realise how much you even liked him until having to admit that.

“He visited me during christmas… I mean, he did in the fall, but this time felt different.” You continue, “We slept together again. Everything felt like it was going so well…And now nothing.” you admit to her and wipe your face with your sleeves, angry at the tears that have fallen from your eyes.

“Has he called?” She asks warily.

“Once? Last week. It was short… but he sounded sad. He said he misses me. And he told me he really wanted to visit me. And I've texted him since then and no response.” you look down at your feet as you speak. It really shouldn't be this embarrassing to admit. It's not like you were in a relationship with him anyway.

“He's going to be here...tomorrow? I didn't know if you knew..” Emma says as she grabs your arm and slowly brings you close to her as you begin walking inside together and you nod your head in her direction.

You knew he would be here. Dylan is one of his best friends, obviously he isnt going to miss his 21st birthday. But with how things were currently going, it honestly made you wonder if Luke would even want you here. And what do his friends even know about you two? Has Luke said anything? So many questions are going through your head that it is almost making you dizzy.

The rest of the day is so much lighter after your earlier conversation. Emma is exponentially good at cheering people up, and maybe even to a fault, will always be on your side no matter what. But you appreciated it regardless.

You are currently finishing up putting on your makeup and getting ready to go out tonight, still very unaware of what the plan even is. But you didn't have much of a choice in the matter as Emma has picked out every aspect of your outfit tonight - down to the shoes, makeup, and jewellery.

Suddenly Emma gets a call from Dylan and runs into her bathroom to answer the phone, the music cutting out that was playing from her phone as she heads off, and silence filling the room.

You weren't intending to be eavesdropping, but you are able to hear muffled voices from the other side of the door and very hushed arguing that you couldn't quite make out. Making you curious as to what could possibly be going on tonight.

Emma saunters back into the room with hesitancy, her expression is scared and concerned at the same time as she is approaching you almost in slow-motion, saying nothing.

“What is it? Just spit it out.” you say, already knowing you are either about to hear the worst news of all time or the worst news of all time.

“Ok surprise! We're going out for sushi! Yay!” Emma says, obviously starting with the good news and you stay silent.

“And…Luke is coming out with us.” she continues, flinching at her own words as she plops herself on the bed across from you. You sit at her desk, makeup in hand, and cannot help but have an absolutely astonished look on your face.

Nothing is able to even leave your mouth as her words run through your mind again and again.

“I am so SO sorry.” She starts. “One of the guys accidentally told Dylan that Luke is in town and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for tomorrow, so I told Dylan that Luke and I were trying to surprise him tonight for dinner. I didn't know what else to say. It was literally the first thing that came to my mind. I'm so sorry.” she continues, worried she has done irreparable damage on your friendship.

“You can kill me now.” Emma blurts out defeatedly, wanting to keep the surprise for tomorrow and not wanting all her efforts to be ruined the day before the party.

Obviously you love that girl, but very much did want to kill her in this moment.

“Does Luke know I'm going to be there?” you ask, brushing past everything else she has said.

“Dylan said he would tell him, yeah, but if you don't want to come please don't feel like you have to.” she says with a small smile, hoping you have some-what forgiven her.

“No, I'll still come.” you say quietly but matter-of-factly.

If Luke knew you were coming, it would be weird if you decided to stay home now because of it, and besides, what would you do here alone? Thinking of what he would be doing and wishing you could read his mind is all you can think of.

“OH? This is good! Ok! Dylan said he is picking us up in 20 minutes!” Emma states, suddenly very excitedly, hoping it will cheer you up to see that she is excited. And as you continue getting ready, nervous energy and anticipation fill your body.

Dylan shows up right on time, unfortunately for you, not giving you any extra time to sit and wallow in your feelings.

It was inevitable that you would be seeing Luke this weekend, but this quickly and under these conditions was not exactly ideal. You were hoping to at least be able to have a one-on-one conversation with him before being thrown into random get togethers where things have no chance but to be awkward.

The drive to dinner is surprisingly happy. Dylan seems so excited to be seeing his best friend again. He can't stop talking about the last time they saw each other and how long it has been. And Emma's laughter and giddy energy is helping you calm down and distract you just a little bit.

“The reservation is for 7pm so we might have to wait in the car for a few minutes.” Emma says, checking her phone as Dylan pulls up to the restaurant a bit early.

The dim lighting and intimate booths look extremely inviting as you peer inside the windows of the restaurant from the parking lot. You can't help but get distracted by watching people inside as Emma and Dylan talk from the front seats of the car and are cutely chatting to each other quietly.

“There's my boy!” Dylan yells out as he jumps out of the driver's seat, running up to give Luke a hug across the parking lot.

“Ready?” Emma looks back and asks you, reassuringly placing her hand on your knee and rubbing her thumb up and down a few times.

“Guess so…” you say with a fake smile as you grab your purse from beside you, and as you are about to leave the car, you see a tall figure standing right outside your door.

Only a little bit startled, you look up to see Luke as he opens your door for you and greets you with a tired smile. He is dressed nicely in black pants and a cream cable knit sweater, his hair curly and tousled up like always.

As you step out of the car he brings you into a tight hug, like he just couldn't wait to hold you again.

“I missed you…” Luke whispers so quietly into your ear that you almost couldn't hear him. He swiftly leaves a gentle kiss to the side of your head as he brings his hands just a bit lower down your back, “I’m sorry” he says quietly as he releases you.

As much as you want to reciprocate, you are so caught off guard by his words that you just stare up at him without a word.

“Alright let's go! I'm so hungry!” Dylan says, unaware of the tension, as he pats Luke's back and wraps an arm around him, walking in front of you and Emma and into the restaurant.

Emma is glancing at you as you walk together, waiting to hear from you what Luke said, but you decide to ignore it with a shrug and she looks away.

Dinner is filled with laughter and catching up with one another. Surprisingly it wasn't even half as awkward as you built it up to be. Dylan chatting away with Luke as you and Emma giggle across from each other about all the drama at your respective schools.

Having a couple of drinks throughout the night was definitely helping, but regardless of that, you felt good. Really good.

“Luke, how's the love life going for you? You got a girl in Jersey?” Dylan asks with a laugh as Emma had just bragged about her and Dylan going on 2 years of being together.

She shoots you a regretful look as she hits Dylan's side with her elbow, not as discreetly as she probably wanted to, and your face turns bright red.

Luke looks down at his lap and shakes his head with a chuckle, seemingly avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.

“No man, no girl in jersey.” Luke says lightly as he takes a drink of his beer before the two of you make eye contact and he glances down to your fidgety hands that are in your lap.

“My bad, my bad…” Dylan says with a laugh as he clears his throat and starts back to finishing the food on his plate, Emma quietly shushing her clueless boyfriend beside her.

Your nervous hands continue to pick at your cuticles and you look over to see Luke inching his hand closer beside yours on the booth bench. Looking up from your lap, you see him glancing back at you as he waits for your reaction before discreetly taking your hand in his under the table.

The feeling of his hand in yours is so comforting and familiar and immediately eases your anxiousness. But you still feel so conflicted.

Luke always knew how to comfort you and distract you from your thoughts when they were out of control. Especially during busy school semesters and many nights spent together with him keeping you company while you anxiously wrote papers and prepped for exams.

He seemed to be there for you when it felt like you had no one else. At least that's how it used to feel. Now things feel so complicated. Not knowing the status of your relationship surprisingly taking a much larger toll on your ability to act like friends than you would have ever thought.

“So! I've got the bill tonight guys. Happy birthday Dyl!” Emma blurts out as the waiter approaches the table, she leans over to give her boyfriend a loving kiss, comfortably filling the awkward silence that had just taken over the table not long before.

“Thank you baby! And hey! thanks guys for coming out tonight too.” Dylan smiles at the both of you as he lifts up his glass for a toast. You all clink your glasses, wishing him happy birthdays that follow big swigs of your almost empty alcoholic beverages.

Walking out of the restaurant, your mind fills with running thoughts. You wish you had spoken to Luke more tonight but it was hard to not make anything obvious. He seemed good, but still weirdly sad and you wanted to talk to him about it so badly. You wanted to talk to him about everything.

As you near Dylan's car you feel Luke's hand brush against yours and lightly hold your wrist, turning you around to face him.

“Can I take you home?” Luke shyly asks you as you all stand in the parking lot together. You mutter a “sure” under your breath with a nod, and he looks to Dylan and Emma for confirmation, both of them nodding in agreement before bringing you into tight hugs and saying goodbyes.

“Tell me everything that happens girly.” Emma runs back over to you and whispers into your ear as she hugs you goodbye once more, and all you can do is let out a small laugh in response to her teenage-esque behaviour.

After Dylan and Emma drive away, the short walk over to Luke’s car suddenly seems agonisingly long and your heart is racing in anticipation. Over anything else that happens tonight, you really wanted clarity. But of course, thoughts of the worst possible outcome ever sneak their way into your mind.

Luke opens the passenger side door for you and you climb into his car before he gently closes the door and walks to the other side. As he gets in, he begins to start the car before he looks over to you and pauses, the quiet becoming almost painful.

You didn't know what to say, and you didn't want to say the wrong thing. So, waiting for him to break the silence seemed to be your best bet.

“I know I should have thought of something to say…” He starts, and shuffles in his seat, slightly bending his right leg so he is facing you a little more.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped responding to you.” Luke continues, and you almost want to roll your eyes at his apology. It was so hard to be understanding when this felt like such a preventable situation on his part.

But you knew Luke. You knew when he was scared he got distant. You knew he was pulling back from you. You just didnt know why.

“Things have been so…weird…lately, and I just…I know I fucked up.” He confesses.

You didn't want to be reading between the lines anymore. You just wanted him to be honest with you about what he wants, and it frustrated you that he was being so vague.

“Luke, what do you want? Like, from me?” you ask innocently, but squint your eyes closed tightly as the words coming out of your mouth sound completely different from what you intended.

“Like, you told me we were friends. And obviously I was ok with that. But when you would visit me, we’d sleep together. And when you left it was like. I don't know…” you look down and pick at your fingers as you speak, looking up at him feeling like an almost impossible task.

“You told me you wanted to be friends.” Luke states, and gently grabs your hand. He holds it in his to stop you from destroying your fingers as you speak, which causes you to look up at him, thanking him silently, as he waits on your response.

“I said that because I knew how hard it would be for us to be so far away from each other.” you say strongly, feeling the sudden need to defend yourself.

“You know how important school is to me, and I know how important your career is to you. I don't want to distract you from what's important to you. I don't want to be the one that gets in the way of things, or be the reason why you're not as focused as you could be…as much as I want to be-” you begin to confess, but are quickly cut off.

“It's kinda too late for that…” Luke says with a chuckle as he tilts his head back against the headrest of his seat and looks out the front window, frustration still evidently seen on his face.

“What do you mean??” you ask, hoping he will elaborate a little more than he has been so far.

“You already distract me. I can't stop thinking about you. And it's obvious. In my game and everything too. Even Jack has noticed and he keeps asking me about you and I don't even know what to say. I can't shut him up. Cuz how am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't even tell you? Its actually really fuckin annoying.” he laughs as he explains, still looking ahead out the window instead of at you.

Luke has always sought to use humour and jokes in difficult situations, especially when it comes to his own feelings. He's clearly frustrated at himself and it hurts you to see him having such a hard time expressing himself.

“So why have you been so distant lately?! I’ve been really worried about you.” you say, suddenly feeling more confident in confronting him as he opens up to you.

“Cuz im scared im gonna fuck things up even more than I already have…” he says honestly as he turns his head to look at you again.

“I knew I should've said something from the moment we slept together the first time. I feel like I fucked up by keeping my mouth shut. It's been ruining my life to not just be honest with you.” he adds with a growl deep in his voice, anger at himself seeping through his words.

As he continues, you can't help but feel entranced by him in his current state, and suddenly you are very aware of how late at night it is becoming.

“It's my fault...” Luke says, and you desperately try to focus on his words and not his body.

But you can't help but think about how good his hands would feel on your body and how badly you want him to kiss you right here and now. You didn't care that you were still in the parking lot of a sushi restaurant. You didn't care that things were still so confusing and that this probably wasn't exactly the most ideal time to be feeling this way. You just felt like you needed him so badly.

“I've been treating you like shit lately. Regardless of us sleeping together, that should not change how I treat you. I've been a shitty friend to you, and I'm really really sorry.” he continues, and you are brought out of your trance.

His words hit you so hard. You both unknowingly made this relationship so complicated and weren't even aware of it. You knew Luke was not perfect, but for some reason you expected him to be able to read your mind, and vice versa. Even after being the one to say you should stay friends, you were silently upset that nothing was happening in the way you wanted.

“Luke, it's ok. Both of us have not been entirely honest with each other lately and it's made everything so… fucked up. We’re just… in a weird spot.” you say, hoping your words make any sense considering you zoned out for half of his apology.

“Can I just say that I want to be able to fix this?” Luke says as he places his hand on your thigh, his fingers mindlessly getting higher and higher as he rubs slowly back and forth. Trying his best to soothe you and unknowingly turning you on even more.

“It isn't just on you to fix.” you say as you place your hand softly over his, stopping his movement on your leg as to not let it overly distract you.

“Yes it is. I let you down. I fucked up by being so fucking…distant. I should've been more clear about what I want…that I want you..” Luke admits, giving into what he has wanted to say from the moment you got into the car together.

His eyes are fixed on yours and it makes your heart flutter in your chest. Hearing him so confidently confess how he is feeling after so long is such a relief. It makes you want to just tell him you love him right here and now.

“I know things are complicated…but, I really don't want to not have you in my life…” Luke adds as tears begin to well in his eyes, catching you both off guard.

“Oh Lukey.” you whisper as you hold his face in your hands, your heart melting at the sight of him.

Luke places his hands on your wrists, pulling them away from his face as he finally leans into you.

His lips hit yours with an intensity that you have never felt before from him. His hands move away from yours, and to the base of your neck, gently pulling you closer into him as he deepens the kiss.

Your eyes are glued shut as you are entranced by his lips finally being connected with yours as his tongue dances around in your mouth.

Needing to have your hands on him, you reach up to brush his face with your thumbs and then begin gently tugging at the curls at the nape of his neck, causing him to lustfully groan deep into your mouth. Your mind is filled with excitement and intensity as the moment grows in mutual desire.

“I needed you baby.” You say rushedly, disconnecting with him for only a moment.

Luke smiles against your lips as you connect again, and he places his left hand on your hip, massaging his fingers into your side. You lift yourself lightly onto the centre-console, desperate to be as close to him as you can get, and he lowers his hand just below your ass to help support you.

Although being in the close quarters of Luke's car while having such a monumental conversation about your relationship was not quite ideal, you were so thankful for it at this moment.

“I needed you too.” Luke says after coming up for air, and you just stare at him with a dizzy smile, your head reeling with arousal.

He pecks your lips a few times before lowering his head to your collarbone, gently kissing your neck and leaving red marks where he most definitely has before.

Your giggles fill the car as he continues expeditiously exploring your body, wanting to savour every moment of your presence and relishing in the way he is pleasing you.

Luke looks up at you with a smile before his eyebrows furrow and he is distracted by something behind you, causing you to whip your head around to look out your window, immensely alarmed at his expression.

Luke lightly lets go of you, allowing you to sit properly in your seat and as your eyes focus on the window, the sight of a kind-looking restaurant hostess tapping on the glass outside of your door almost sends you reeling into a panic.

Luke quickly reassures you with a laugh, placing his hand on your arm and starting the car before beginning to roll your window down for them to speak.

“I am so sorry if I startled you, but our restaurant has closed, which means we can no longer allow you to park here, as free parking ends at midnight.” the hostess explains politely while pointing to the sign posted on the brick wall just in front of Luke's car.

“Thanks Ma’am. We’re so s-sorry.” Luke pauses to hide his face, clearly hiding that he is about to break into laughter.

“We’ll leave right aw-” Luke laughs out, hardly able to finish his sentence before being sent into a fit of silent laughter.

“We’re so sorry. Have a good night!” you say more seriously, trying to make up for the completely unserious boy beside you.

“Goodnight guys!” the hostess says as she walks away, leaving you completely embarrassed and also scared half to death.

Luke continues dying of laughter and is hunched over the steering wheel as you punch his arm repeatedly to get his attention.

“That was awful! Why are you laughing so hard!” you say unimpressed, but still unable to hold back laughter of your own after seeing him look up at you with tears in his eyes.

“Fuck. I can't get over your face.” Luke says as he begins to come down a little, wiping the tears from his eyes. You just shake your head and begin to buckle your seatbelt, not taking any chances of having to be asked to leave once more.

“Fuck.” he says once more with a sigh, relaxing in his seat and looking over to you with a genuine smile before patting your thigh reassuringly.

You look to Luke expectantly and he stares back at you with a smirk before kissing your lips passionately, catching you off guard.

Your hands are drawn to his face as he nudges your chin with his, causing you to lean into him even further before he pulls away from you abruptly.

“Can I take you home?” Luke asks with lust in eyes as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, admiring every single feature on your face. His words having a different meaning to both of you than they have previously tonight.

“For real this time?? Because you know we cant sit in this parking lot any longer…” you say jokingly as Luke rolls his eyes at you and begins to put his seatbelt on.

“Yes, for real this time.” He retorts. His right hand eagerly finding yours as he interlocks your fingers with his, bringing your hand up to his lips to place a tender kiss before finally driving off.

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