#hes so wet cat archivist
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self indulgent season 1 jon art… save me s1 jon sims… s1 jon sims save me…
#hes so wet cat archivist#i need to eat him alive#salt and pepper hair jon sims save me. save me salt and pepper hair jon sims#smiles manicly no i am not fixated on jonathan sims from the hit podcast The Magnus Archives what Do You Mean#jon sims#jonathan sims#tma#the magnus archives#tma fanart#doritosart
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A couple doodles of the dear Archivist from my math homework :)
#I hc this as like s4?#hes so pathetic <33#skrunkly wet cat of a man#jonathan sims#the archivist#tma#the magnus archives#tma fanart
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LOOK OUT HES GONNA SEE YOU WITH HIS AUTISM EYES
#jonathan sims#autism creature#autism cat#yippee#tbh creature#the archivist#tma#tma spoilers#tma fanart#tma shitpost#tma jon#magnuspod#the magnus archives fanart#the magnus archives#mild unreality#<cause of the caption and the implications#doodle tag#jona'tism sims.... he has the tism#HIS HAIR IS SO FUN TO DRAW....... WET PAPER BAG MAN WITH THE STRAGGLY UNWASHED HAIR
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Eye Bracket — Finals
Propaganda
Cecil Gershwin Palmer (Welcome to Night Vale):
Purple eye man <3
Hes like, THE eye narrator guy for podcasts imo.
THE tumblr sexyman
Not too short or tall, not fat or too thin. With hair, a nose and eyes. Look, hes hot and sexy because he's an ambiguous gendered male pronoun character who's openly gay imminently. His hotness comes from his lack of description and his silly, whimsical nature. As a "The idea of having sex with my physical body is kinda yuck" ace, I would have sex with him irl if given the chance. He is the ONLY exception for my own minds rule. While that might not be real propaganda or whatever it should have weigh of how hot he is.
Cecil Gershwin Palmer my beloved ♥️♥️
Jonathan Sims/The Archivist (The Magnus Archives):
I just think it'd be funny if an asexual character won
(im ripping this from the wiki btw) John has prematurely greying hair and looks older than he is. He often looks very tired and is physically unfit, as other characters refer to him as scrawny and he tires easily from physical tasks that others perform with little exertion. he also has lots of scars.
(propaganda, spoilers for The Magnus Archives) He's a wet cat and at one point dated Georgie Barker and does date Martin Blackwood. there is also a whole tag/movement for "hot Jon rights". he may not be like, 10/10 on the attractive scale but his far off gaze has captivated me
My votes for jon tho, that wet tired cat of a man has captured my heart. He gives dilf vibes and i got a thing for those 0.o
So Jon has EYEBAGS‼️‼️ I rest my case Your Honor. Vote Jon
#Eye Bracket Round 4#Cecil Palmer#Cecil Gershwin Palmer#Jonathan Sims#The Archivist#Welcome to Night Vale#The Magnus Archives#EDIT 12/25: Thanks to anastasiadalia for pointing out I had the wrong text on Jonathan's image. I had created the images and then tweaked#them and then *re*created them all so they would match again and I guess I missed that. Fixed now!
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Something horrifying occurred to me today. If my father was a fictional character, people would think of him in a similar way people see Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. Here's why:
He has had So Much Shit happen to him. Like Jesus Christ. Like string of unfortunate deaths kind of shit. Like how is this man still functional kind of shit.
He's also had such an interesting childhood and life he's such a wildcard like my dad randomly telling us how he smuggled some guys over the border when he was like 19 is giving the same vibes as Jonathan Sims saying he knows what a meme is
That's not to say he's a huge badass or anything (he is but for the sake of this comparison) he was terrified out of his mind the whole time and did it cause he was feeling homesick and was like I know how these guys feel so I'm gonna help. Giving trademark Jonathan "gonna do it but gonna do it shaking like a wet dog" Sims
He's a skinny brown guy who's kinda quiet, supremely awkward and makes dorky jokes
I asked him if he would still love me if I were a worm and he deadass said only if you went to worm Cambridge. Tell me that's not a Jonathan Sims thing to say.
He's probably autistic (he won't talk to you unless you mention something specific and then you can't stop him talking about the geopolitical situation of Bangladesh)
He's so emotionally constipated. My dude has never heard of emotions ever. He once gave me the advice that the way to deal with negative emotions about our shitty situation is to just compare it to poor peoples' lives in Bangladesh and thank god we don't have it that bad. I think he's allergic to therapy.
He's always in some sort of pain. God hates him personally.
He's the most anxious man I've ever met in my life. I think he lies awake at night just planning how he's gonna get through the next day. Like all he does is overthink and eat his own curated mixed nuts snack
He indulges in a funny cat video once or twice
He hates dogs (growing up in Bangladesh will do that to you but also he's not good with the barking)
Saying that, has bonded with one crusty white dog, who he immediately picked up although i don't think he meant to do that, so we get a situation of quite a tall man holding a small dog but both of them looking Absolutely Terrified.
He's such a baby fiend. I've never seen someone so hell bent on being a grandfather. We went to a family party with him once and not even 5 minutes in, we found him holding a baby. I'm taking @lonelyslutavatar 's baby fever Jon as canon btw.
He's constantly in business casual. He'll be in bed wearing slacks. It's not cause he's fashionable but in fact only because those are pretty much the same clothes he's owned since 2005 and the only clothes he owns.
Nobody is quite sure what he does for a living. Like sure we know his job title (I had to look it up on LinkedIn) but his day to day activities? A mystery. Who actually knows what being a Head Archivist entails? Not me.
I rest my case. For now.
#im sorry to say they're both wet cats of men#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#rambles#jarchivist#tma jon#im horrified at this btw#they both arrived in wet cardboard boxes#they both rock forest green jumpers
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LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 1, Poll 13
A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.
Check out the other polls in this wave here.
Jedidiah A.A. Martin-Camp Here and There
Qualifications:
refuses to label his sexuality but BOY does he like men (looking at Mr Sargent for this one :3) also has ADHD! but its not known how attention deficient or hyperactive he is
also is a stupid cringefail loser who I want to push down a slide that's been fermenting in the sun all day during summer <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Propaganda:
Raised in a religious yet wealthy household, Jedidiah Abraham Adonias Martin--also known as "Jed", "Jeddie", "The archivist", "The clockmaker", or various misspellings and mispronunciations of his name--refuses to label his sexuality, but BOY does he like men (looking at Mr Sargent for this one), and also has ADHD! He may have dropped out of medical school and is "too repressed to write poetry", but he's still one of the camp nurses, alongside Sydney October Sargent! After talking to a bunch of birds, we found out that Jedididididiah will die on a Thursday (not a spoiler as of writing this). It has also been confirmed that he has a photo of Sydney on his desk (aww) and he plays D&D. Oh, and he's terrified of all things shelled. Would you like a snail as you think about voting for this loser? (affectionate)
Submitted by @spud-the-stupid
Ballister Boldheart-Nimona (Film)
Qualifications:
He has a boyfriend (and then they have a sort-of-breakup but they're back together by the end) and he has a prosthetic arm.
He’s gay and missing an arm.
He’s explicitly gay, in love with a man. He loses his arm then builds himself a prosthetic while on the run like a badass.
His boyfriend cut his arm off :( he uses a prosthetic now. His arm got chopped off after being falsely accused of killing the queen, he spends the rest of the movie with a prosthetic metal arm. His arm was also chopped off by his lover, Ambrosius Goldenloin, during said false assassination.
Canonically has a boyfriend and built his own prosthetic
Qualifies by both being canonically disabled (amputee) + canonically gay
Propaganda:
Please plz plz vote for him
His boyfriend cut off his arm. He made himself a prosthetic. He used his arm to block someone’s sword. He kissed his boyfriend. He has sad wet cat eyes, which isn’t relevant but still. He has them.
He’s so GOOD even though he’s having like the worst day ever (specifically talking about movie but webcomic also applies). He has the biggest wettest eyes how can you not root for him????
People love him! He kinda looks like a sad, poor little cat. A real soggy wet kitten man.
Let's see. He and Ambrosius are lovers, or at least boyfriends, from the moment they're introduced. Ballister gets his arm chopped off by Ambrosius during the false assassination. Ballister spends the rest of the movie trying to convince Ambrosius and the kingdom of his innocence, with a metal arm replacing his missing one. It originated the phrase "Arm Chopping is not a love language!" Did I mention he's a main character too?
Is a science nerd, built his own prosthetic arm with his non-dominant hand, accidentally adopted a trans chaos demon of a 1000yo being
A knight, Nimona's best friend and father figure of sorts, but the plot mostly revolves around him- Ballister is framed for murder and has to hide while trying to figure out who framed him and how to prove he's innocent. Nimona becomes his sidekick (he didn't want one, she just showed up at his place one day like a very chaotic stray cat) and together they form a great duo against the corrupt government. This is complicated by Ballister's ex Ambrosius, who accidentally cut off Ballister's arm and is a bit brainwashed by government propaganda. Oops. You should watch Nimona it's great 💞🦈
Submitted by @foulfirerebel (fifth person) and at least 7 others.
#polls#poll#disabled characters#lgbtq characters#disability#lgbtq#lgbtq dcs round 1#lgbtq dcs wave 1#jedidiah a a martin#camp here and there#ballister boldheart#nimona#nimona film
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For Mod Hajime, i hope this doesnt sound weird but could you do a platonic fatherly yandere imagine post with Elias Bouchard? I like to imagine he fixates on a new Institute hire who doesnt know the fears are real and just decides "Its Child time. There is nothing I wont do to make my new child happy." But he also has to work around Jon and them getting in his way because they just dont GET that he's a Father now.
A FATHER'S LOVE!
"surely you'd choose your father over your friends, wouldn't you?"
summary. getting a job at a spooky academic institute offers toms of spooky outcomes. you just didn't expect to get a father figure and a overlyprotective friend group.
contents. platonic yandere! elias; elias is a wet cat grandpa; the archivist gang are slightly yandere; happens right after season 1
✦ It was difficult. Getting by in the big London city and rent to your flat was quite ridiculously high, even for usual london rent standard. But thankfully, a position in The Magnus Institute had opened and you managed to get the spot after wrangling out your best qualities to the HR like you're trading them.
✦ Now, you were aware of what you were getting into. I mean, an institute that's notorious for having many people going MIA or dying, but this was the only job that accepted you out of the millions you applied for and frankly, it pays better than most of them.
✦ So, you worked as the institute's librarian. It shocked you to know that they have their own personal library but at the same time, you kind of expected it. After all, it is an academic institute and there's bounds to be numerous books and soucres to cite for every statement given, regardless of how strange there are.
✦ You've met a couple on the job. Some were nice and often has small talks with you while some simply comes and goes, not even bothering to talk to you unless they're checking a book out. It was fine, of course, you can't help but feel disheartened. After all, all you do is stand by, organize the library and do nothing. It gets a bit lonely sometimes.
✦ And then, one day, a certain someone came to the library and it was no one other than big boss himself— Elias Bouchard. You never met the man before, only hearing him from Rosie and the others, but he is generally well-disliked by his own staff. You had nothing to complain about him and honestly, you find his company nice.
✦ He comes to the library whenever he has free time and then would talk to you. It wasn't just small talk, not just noise coming out of his mouth to fill in the silence, but he talked to you. He told you so many things— his opinions, his likes and dislikes —and even asked you about yours.
✦ Elias would listen intently, taking in every information about yourself in a manner so ... different from how he usually carried himself. Elias Bouchard was a prideful asshole and you knew that obviously well from just his body language, and yet when it comes to you, he is oddly soft. He reminds you almost like a dad for some reasons.
✦ And your relationship with your boss became like that. You didn't mind, you understand to some degree but even still you couldn't wrap your mind around why he chose specifically you. Maybe he didn't choose or maybe he did, but either way, this outcome was better than him hating you.
✦ But then, only a few months into your job, you suddenly got promoted to assistant archivist, joining the very few others in the archives in their day-to-day life.
✦ It was ... suffocating at first. The institute did suffer damage from the Prentiss Attack as you heard from the other employees and with the archives being the main target for the worms, it was not surprise that the Archivist and his team suffered greatly. Though injured, all of them still came back in one piece so that was a good thing.
✦ It took a while getting to know the others: Martin was the quickest to befriend and he'd bring you your favourite cup of tea whenever he can. Tim was the second, jokingly flirting with you at first but he was comfortable to be around and somehow both of your intensive knowledge on memes made the two of you friends. Sasha, on the other hand, took a bit more effort but in the end, she was just as fun and cheery as the other two outside work.
✦ Jon, on the other hand... He was wary, of course, a bit of an asshole too but you were determined to let his walls down, and so was the team. He gradually came to accept (aka get comfortable with) your existence and doesn't glare you like a cat you just rudely woke up.
✦ Elias... Elias isn't too pleased with this development though as you come find. He finds every excuse in the book to have you in office, stalling you just so he could spend more time with you. He had moved to the archives for one very specific reason and that was so he can watch you carefully.
✦ I mean, how couldn't he? You were so nice to him, oblivious to the concept of the entities and you didn't even care if he gets a bit 'spooky' (as Tim puts it) at times. In fact, he claimed you as his kid the moment you seem to play along with his 'little cryptid act'.
✦ But The Archival team... Oh, did they get on his nerves. But he couldn't do anything, no, he was sure you'll know and they'll tell you about what he truly is and he couldn't risk that. He couldn't lose you to them, so he'll have to just slightly abuse his power a bit. Just to have you be by his side a bit longer.
✦ Of course, Archivist and Co. can't stand by idly and watch him take their friend! And so, everytime Elias and one of them come to your desk at the same time, it's practically a tug of war for your affection and attention.
✦ It makes you laugh honestly, seeing them fight like this. Reminds you so much like a father trying to shoo away any his kid's admirers.... Only if you knew though, then you wouldn't be laughing.
notes. hi hii!!! tysm for requesting this!! i always wanted to write for tma but couldn't. ik this is a pretty old req (i think like .... from june i think?) and i wrote this months ago but forgot to finish
reqs are alwyas open!! and dont forget to reblog any of our works here on this blog, it help us a lot!!! ty again for requesting!
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silly question. have you seen the recent 100 "who's the most pathetic wet cat the history of podcasts?" polls? if so, what would David think about em?
I imagine David would be affronted at first,
and then double-affronted upon realising he keeps losing to more well-known podcast characters like the Archivist (who can hold down a steady job and a relationship) and Arthur Lester (who has a friend)
and then he'd just get very quiet and still and start monologuing darkly about whether Eskew sees him as a wet cat or a blorbo and if so, what's the difference.
(I am genuinely glad that these polls didn't exist when I was writing the show, because I'd be too tempted to start ramping up the character's wet-cat qualities deliberately in response to try and get some laughs, and flattening him out in the process. Whereas I don't really see him as a wet cat, or at least not solely as a wet cat.)
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this guy literally takes up over half of my brain space. i think about jonathan sims (head archivist of the Magnus institute, london) all the time. All The Time. my hyperfixation is actually so bad i cannot get this soggy pathetic wet cat off my mind 😔😔😔 I giggle every time i see art of him he’s just So!!!! SO!!!!!! he is perfect. my perfect little fucked up cat man thing i love him so Much!!!!!!!! i would hug the shit out of him!!!!! and maybe try to push him into the road but mostly squeeze the life out of him!!!!!! he is just So……………….
hyperfixating on a man in his 30s moment 😔😔😔
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Is Jon tall or short?
I think he’s short. (I’ll explain why under the cut)
This is to Jon; I think it’d be kinda weird to describe oneself like that if you’re shorter than the person you’re talking to. (I know this might just be about weight, but to me it seems more like it’s all dimensions, including height)
Granted this is from a weird eldritch being, that, I think, can be rather large. So perhaps not concrete evidence.
Again, this a threat, so might just be hyperbole.
Another threat(?), might just be belittling. Edit: Nikola also calls him “little Archivist” in episode 97.
Once again, another threat, so might still be an exaggeration.
You guessed it, another threat, but I feel it at least safe to say Jon’s smaller than the cop.
While it’s not, perhaps, the best evidence; I at least think it’s enough to say Jon’s not particularly tall, perhaps average height at best?
There’s also the fact Jon could barely carry a pipe around, (a pipe Elias could, apparently, bludgeon a man’s head in with). Jon also looks pathetic enough that Basira can’t even fathom him being able to murder someone.
(To be clear, I’m not saying Jon isn’t tall, just giving my reasons for why I think he’s short. Headcanon him whatever height you’d like)
His only concrete description is that he looks like he hasn’t slept in a week.
Just for kicks, here’s my personal headcanons on the archives staff’s (and Elias[and Georgie]) height and/or build.
Jon: Tiny. To me, he is the smallest wet cat of a man, 5’4” (162.5 cm) at most. No meat on his bones, just a little guy.
Martin: Like he says, not the smallest guy, I imagine he’s a heavy guy, very huggable. I know there’s the common headcanon that he’s exactly 6’(183 cm), but to me, he’s got 6’2” (189 cm) energy. (Am I the only one that took “not the smallest” to mean absolutely jacked at first, just a total beefcake)
Tim: Average. Average height, average build. Probably 5’9” (175 cm) decently muscular, (from those kayaking trips)
Sasha: canonically tall. Sasha’s tall, I’d say 6’1 (185 cm) I kinda imagine her to be curvy(?, I don’t know if that’s the right way to put it) you know those people who have, like some good arm fat? (I’m sorry, that’s probably the worst way to describe it, but I don’t know how else to explain it) Really soft, kind looking type of person.
Elias: Elias is an odd one, ‘cause depending on the day I might think he’s kinda big, like 5’11” (180 cm) and somewhat muscular (less so than Tim), ‘cause he did bash a man’s head in. But on other days, I might go with the common twink version of Elias, I’m thinking 5’6” (167 cm), so still taller than Jon, but shorter than most guys. (He was also described as a “weird little freak” by Daisy, but that was, once again, a threat, so might just be intimidation)
Melanie: Canonically skinny. Honestly, a lot like Jon, I imagine her to not have much meat on her bones,(although, probably more muscle on her than Jon) she’s all sharp angles. While I do like the idea she’s the exact same height as Jon, I think she’s either one inch taller or shorter, either way she’s intolerable about it.
Georgie: I don’t really have any specific height for Georgie, but I’d probably say somewhere around 5’5” - 5’7” (165 - 170 cm). Like Martin, she gives off very huggable vibes, kinda like that one person you know that’s really nice and soft looking, but can also just verbally destroy someone.
Basira: Average height, on the heavier(?, not sure that’s the right word for it) side. It’s implied that she and Martin are not as skinny as Melanie, so I think Basira’s pretty muscular, but it’s like in a weight lifter kind of way. I feel like she’s probably 5’8” (173 cm).
Daisy: strong. If anyone is absolutely ripped in The Magnus Archives, (other than Jared Hopworth) it’s Daisy. However, I don’t think she’s that tall, probably same height as Tim at 5’9” (175 cm).
#Tma#The Magnus Archives#Jonathan Sims#martin blackwood#sasha james#Tim stoker#elias bouchard#basira hussain#alice daisy tonner#georgie barker#if there are any other descriptions is Jon#I didn’t see them#I already spent too much time on this post#polls#fandom polls#tma headcanons#height headcanons#My Post
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There is surprisingly no ABO discourse in the TMA fandom. I don't know if it's an unspoken rule for there not to be, but I was thinking about it.
What would Jon be?
When you think of Jon suffering wet cat Sims the immediate assumption is that he'd be Omega or something, but thinking of his Season 5 persona I entertained the idea of him being an Alpha. Jon could be an Alpha right? He's not the most dominating person in the room but he can get very protective (and Jon with power is very sexy). Then I thought of the fundamental elements of an Alpha which are protectiveness and high level of possessiveness........which is when it hit me.
Martin Blackwood is totally an Alpha. 💀🤣 (Another win for Martin). I don't think there's anyone more possessive in the show besides Elias and Elias is a whole different brand of crazy. Martin seems like a sweet, harmless guy until you start stepping on his toes and he smacks the living daylights out of the aggressor with pure unrefined loathing - Just not easily noticeable cause he doesn't get violent but he makes sure his enemies get fucked up.
So Martin is definitely an Alpha. He gives the vibes of ensuring his mate will never lack, making sure they feel safe when they're nesting and never letting any harm come near their territory. Which raises the question....is Jon his omega then? I think not. Jon seems more like a Beta to me.
Jon: A Beta? That's the most ordinary creature in the whole verse.
Well, Mr. Sims you ARE basic. 😂 You're just a basic guy with super powers. I can't for the life of me picture Jon nurturing anything. He's not even very good at looking after himself and nearly everything he tries to protect crumbles away. He's a very tragic character, with not a lot of self esteem and he masks this by being sassy and sarcastic cause he doesn't want people to see how fragile he actually is. Jon's Beta to me and it feels fitting for him and Martin. Jon would probably try masking as an Alpha and Martin an Omega but the truth about each other would come out and Martin wouldn't care less. He loves his tiny hopeless Beta.
That being said, most of the others in TMA strike me as Alpha Alpha.
LonelyEyes aka Peter and Elias - Alpha/Alpha with Peter being possessive of his alone time and Elias being possessive over his control of Peter. (It would be funny if Peter was Omega though cause everyone would assume Elias the Omega.).
Daisira aka Daisy and Basira - Alpha/Alpha. Look Daisy's Alpha, there's no two ways about that. Maybe Basira is Beta but she strikes me as Alpha as well and they work well as partners.
Melanie x Georgie (can't remember their ship name) - Alpha/Omega....maybe Georgie is really flowery and soothing so she could easily be an Omega with her nurture of the Admiral. She could also be a very kind Alpha to her violent chaotic Omega Melanie. It could go either way.
TimSasha - Alpha/Alpha and I love them so much. ♥️❤️ Sasha just strikes me as Alpha. She would have been archivist if not for Elias' plans and Tim is either an Alpha or a chaotic Omega in disguise.
GerryMichael aka DoorKeay - I've only recently heard about this ship but it's kind of cute. Omega/Omega....cause I think it'd be funny. Obviously the Distortion isn't an Omega, the Distortion wasn't anything but I imagine after getting redefined as Michael it wakes an Omega and it is not happy about it. Gerry is not an obvious Omega and everyone assumes he's Alpha. Little did they know. I like the awkward story of two fakers (because the Distortion would definitely try to hide it's identity) slowly realising and still loving each other cause why not. They're also likely faking to be Beta cause one thing they wanted most in the world was to be ordinary.
Agnes x Jack - Alpha/Beta and this one doesn't even need an explanation.
Agnes x Gertrude - Alpha/Alpha, would be a fun dynamic watching these two growl at each other from the same side of the spectrum.
LonelyEyeSkies aka PeterxEliasxSimon - Alpha/Alpha/Alpha chaos. Lovers of this ship just enjoy watching things crash to the ground and I can't blame them cause I love it too. (Would still be funny if Peter was an Omega. Though Peter wouldn't find it funny at all).
JonMichael - Beta/Omega, but to no one's surprise, Michael's the one dictating everything about this relationship. Jon is shocked to find himself building a nest cause that's how dominant Michael's gonna be.
JonTim - Beta/Alpha and I'm guessing Tim would be a passive aggressive Alpha. This will either go really well or it will be a toxic dumpster fire.
#I can't recall any other rare pairs so I'll leave it like this#tma#the magnus archives#the magnus archive#tma martin#tma jon#tma jmart#jonmartin#jonmart#ramble about ABO#lonelyeyes#daisy x basira#daisira#alice daisy tonner#basira hussain#melanie x georgie#tim stoker#sasha james#timsasha#gerrymichael#agnes montague#gertrude robinson#simon fairchild#michael the distortion#michael shelley#gerry keay#gerard keay#jontim#melanie king#georgie
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You're too sweet for me
read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/2DxAw54
by DerpyCheeseSandwich
Martin would want sex soon too, and from what Jon had seen, he was probably getting pent up. Was he waiting for Jon to say something? To ask? Waiting until he was ready? That was a Martin sort of thing to do, wasn’t it? Wait until Jon brought it up, so he knew it was time. Problem was Jon was never going to bring it up on his own, had no desire for any of that, and so Martin was just… waiting. For something that’d never come if Jon didn’t let it. Though of course he could bite the bullet yet again and sleep with him. He did want to help Martin, make him feel good, at least in some ways, but… Maybe he’d bring it up soon. Let Martin have his fun, he owed him that much.
Words: 2201, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Categories: M/M
Characters: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood, Georgie Barker (mentioned)
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Additional Tags: Dubious Consent, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sex-Repulsed Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Internalized Acephobia, My darling has issues, He hasn't gotten enough kindness yet, he needs it shoved down his throat istg, Martin is just the best, they deserve the world, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Good Cows (The Magnus Archives), but I make them sad, Angst, hurt/comfort?, dunno if it counts as hurt when it's just Jon being Jon, but then again, the man is walking trauma, No beta we kayak like Tim, wet cat of a man
read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/2DxAw54
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im pretty interested in the Magnus Archives....esp with the Magnus Protocol coming out ..... where can i consume it and what is it about ......
YOU LET ME INFODUMP ABOUT ONE PIECE AND NOW I'D LIKE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OKAY OKAY OKAY YOU HAVE. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA THE FREEDOM YOUVE JUST GIVEN ME. IM SHAKING IN MY SEAT. OKAY.
the magnus archives is a 200 episode 5 season horror fiction podcast that i am incredibly neurodivergent about. you can listen to on basically every platform ever- it's on spotify, it's on youtube, and i think the rusty quill website has the episodes on there as well!!
i'll try to keep this spoiler-free LKDFJLSKD especially if you end up wanting to consume it (WHICH YOU SHOULD. ITS UNREALISTICALLY GOOD). the basic premise of the magnus archives is that there's an organization called the magnus institute that deals in the statements of people who have had dealings with the supernatural. at the beginning of the podcast, all the different statements seem like individual creepy stories but once you finish the podcast and then go back and relisten?? oh my god everything just clicks into place and makes so much sense its crazy
the writing is. incredible, to say the very least. every statement *and* the episodes that aren't statements are all delightfully creepy- there are rarely jumpscares and the kind of horror that tma goes for is so EDIBLE oh my god. it's a wonderful series to binge- fair warning though that it takes a bit to get in its stride, the first 20 episodes or so can feel a bit of a slog to get through at times but once you do, you will never want to stop listening.
everything loops back in on itself and there are statements in season three that give you context for statements back in season one and LSKDFJLKDSFJ. it is SO GOOD.
i would tell you everything about every member of the archival staff but i've already rambled on a fair amount so. jonathan sims time!!
jon sims, the newly appointed head archivist of the magnus institute, is the main character. and this guy. THIS. GUY. my fave character isn't usually the main character but jon is such a STUPID WET CAT. him and his ceaseless watcher bullshit. he has a super entertaining personality and a bunch of really cool character arcs and just LKDFSJDLK. best main character of any piece of media ever.
for protocol there are only 2 episodes out rn and anything substantial i have to say about it would be riddled with spoilers but i'll just tell you that it is also INCREDIBLE and i would die for samama khalid, alice dyer and gwendolyn bouchard. and i want to kill lena.
OKAY UM THATS AS FAR AS I CAN GO WITHOUT GETTING SPOILER-Y. HOPE YOU ENJOY MY RANT LDSFJEIONC
#this is my favorite thing atm#it was around this time last year that i listened to tma the first time#i was just as insane about it them as i am now#i'm revisiting old interests#you have no idea how. how important. this podcast#SLDKFSLDJK#question spirals#tma
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2023 Character Wrapped
Share your Top 10 Characters of this year! Tagged by @fandomsmeantheworldtome
I thought this would be hard and it was a *tiny* bit only because obviously, my brain has been swallowed whole for MOST of the year by ONE MOVIE but for everyones sake I wont take up half the list with that cast of characters dfgsfhdgf
Renfield (Renfield 2023)
OBVIOUSLY pookie was gonna be the number one for this year. I have over 30 fics of this brainworm of a human being, this wet cat kicked puppy submissive-like-a-guard-dog-is-submissive looking ass. EATS HIM WHOLE
2. Dracula (All Iterations)
The king of vampires comes in tandem with his subservient little worm, though he might be upset that he's second in my list. Between listening to the Audiobook of Dracula, listening to Re: Dracula, watching Renfield (2023), Dracula (1931), Count Dracula (1977), Van Helsing (2004), Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992), The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023).... I'm just so overwhelmingly in love with the character in all iterations, and have learned a lot about the man he was based on, too
3. Art the Clown (Terrifier)
He was the end of 2022's obsession that carried into 2023, and I still love this stupid fucking clown SO so much still
4. Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives)
The podcast that grabbed me by the throat and commanded all of my attention for a few good months, its hard not to have grown attached to the Archivist himself ♥
5. Daisy Tonner (The Magnus Archives)
WEREWOLF LESBIAN WEREWOLF LESBIAN WEREWOLF LESBIAN WEREWOLF LESBIAN
6. Chris Walker (Outlast)
PEOPLE DONT LOVE THIS FUCKING BRICK HOUSE OF A MAN BUT I SURE FUCKING DO. I need him to destroy me in as many ways as physically possible...................
7. Swiss (The Band Ghost)
BARK BARK BARK BARK I love Swiss so much hnngrngngrg
8. The Janitor (Willy's Wonderland)
Still one of my most favorite Nic Cage characters, we stan a mute austistic man who beats the fuck out of some animatronics in this fantastic FNAF knockoff
9. Buggy (OPLA)
LOOK IM SORRY AT MY HEART IM A CLOWN FUCKER AND THIS FUCKING CLOWN IS SO IMPOSSIBLY MY TYPE....
10. Karlach (Baldurs Gate 3)
Im so so so very gay for my on fire wife,,,
Tagging: @captainx-camino @sweetbreads @freakptarmigan @neophytepagan @robinsnest2111 and anyone else who wants to do this! Dont feel pressured if youre not up for it tho <3
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Preliminaries: The Magnus Archives
Propaganda:
Agnes Montague:
10/10 would get my face melted to kiss
Elias Bouchard:
look look i know he's the resident asshole everyone hates but listen this motherfucker has the sexiest voice i have ever heard in my entire life (goddAMN BEN MEREDITH'S VOICE) you cannot say that his voice isn't smooth as fuckin butter. the smug asshole. every fanart of him ever portrays him as the cookie cutter tumblr sexyman okay he is THE MAGNUS SEXYMAN. also possessed by a dead guy and served as an avatar of an eldritch horror beyond our comprehension?? sign me the FUCK UP. did i mention he's voiced by BEN FUCKING MEREDITH? IT'S THE VOICE, MAN, JUST LISTEN TO SASSY BRITISH SON OF A BITCH ELIAS BOUCHARD SPEAK. that's IT
Gertrude Robinson:
A lady with a mission. Ruthlessness personified. There never has been a problem she couldn't solve with quick thinking and some C4, until there was. She used to be able to torch a building in half the time.You might have seen her in a dream, she might have seen you too: watch out.
Jonathan Sims/The Archivist:
I just think it'd be funny if an asexual character won
(im ripping this from the wiki btw) John has prematurely greying hair and looks older than he is. He often looks very tired and is physically unfit, as other characters refer to him as scrawny and he tires easily from physical tasks that others perform with little exertion. he also has lots of scars.
(propaganda, spoilers for The Magnus Archives) He's a wet cat and at one point dated Georgie Barker and does date Martin Blackwood. there is also a whole tag/movement for "hot Jon rights". he may not be like, 10/10 on the attractive scale but his far off gaze has captivated me
Martin Blackwood:
Canonically fat, usually depicted with glasses and sweaters, always making people tea, dramatic and messy but also vulnerable and full of love
Big guy. Soft voice. Stronk arms. So cute.
Sasha James:
(the og that is ofc)
Tim Stoker:
sex man hehe
Is almost exclusively described as "the hot one"
#Agnes Montague#Elias Bouchard#Gertrude Robinson#Jonathan Sims#The Archivist#Martin Blackwood#Sasha James#Tim Stoker#The Magnus Archives#Preliminaries
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Hey bestie don't be shy
top 5 favorite podcast characters and why
YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK???? PICK BETWEEN MY BELOVED GUYS???????
I am going to try to diversify beyond the magnus archives, mostly because dbd has had me in a death choke recently
With that being said, in no particular order
1. The Obituary writer from Death by Dying
Hes such an icon, normal guy and yet so so so very weird, his best friend is the angel of death, his other best friend is in his freezer and her still beating heart is on his desk, everyone thinks he’s going to kill someone one of these days based on looks alone, he has a questionable taste in fashion, hes bisexual, he has three man eating cats, he solves murders just like as a hobby, he is the most sopping wet pathetic wet cat of a man you could ever hope to meet, he is silly, what more could you possibly want from a man?
2. Jonathan Jarchivist, see prior post about this man he is so ridiculous, mf ACCIDENTALLY STARTED THE APOCALYPSE, He has been kidnapped more then princess peach, he is the eyes special little boy, hes ASEXUAL LIKE ME FRFR, he has a boyfriend who loves him very much, he likes good cows, hot singles in his area want to hunt him for sport, hes the saddest little meow meow there could possibly be.
3. Timothy stoker, managed to convey he was wearing a hawaiian shirt by voice alone, also THIS MAN IS THE ARCHIVES BRAINCELL, THE SLUTTY BISEXUAL IS THE BRAINCELL HERE WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THE ARCHIVES, BECAUSE SASHA VERY MUCH IS NOT THE BRAINCELL SHE FOLLOWED A DEFINITELY NOT HUMAN GUY TO A RANDOM GRAVEYARD WITH VERY LITTLE FOLLOW UP AS TO WHY SHE NEEDED TO GO, AND JON DOESNT HAVE IT FOR PREVIOUSLY STATED REASONS, AND MARTIN IS MARTIN, MEANING TIM IS THE ONLY BRAINCELL HERE. Also as my boyfriend can attest, i have a thing for angry men in hawaiian shirts, i think theyre hot
4. Not technically a Guy persay, but the beloved michael distortion for having a sick ass voice and an even sicker statement, shows up and just stabs the archivist just because he can, he is literally the embodiment of gaslighting gatekeeping and girlbossing and his design is very cool really regardless of how people draw him but ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DRAW HIM WITH LIKE SUPER DISTORTED JOINTS AND MULTIPLE FACES AND SHIT LIKE MMMMMMMMM, he gets bonus points for having excellent hair and not being a who but a what
Number five hhhh how do i pick between all of my beloved podcast guys, leaving out martin because i already screamed about Why i love Martin Knife Blackwood Already
5. Georgie Barker I think has to go here, maybe alongside helen and Melanie, i love them all for very different reasons but they are just such girlbosses, georgie just doesn’t feel fear, had an existential crisis so hard her brain stopped processing it, she is the girl ever, also shes jons ex, automatically getting her more points, she had a skin clown break into her apartment and fuck with her lights and the only reason she was upset was because it meant she had to replace all her lightbulbs, Also georgie has a podcast where she talks about ghosts, which is really funny to me, and i would absolutely listen to her podcast
Honorable mentions:
Helen for season 5 shenanigans of showing up whenever JMart were fighting because she wanted the Tea
Gerry Keay for his defining trait mentioned by every single statement giver who saw him being “Really shittily dyed hair” like imagine that being your legacy
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