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liquorisce · 2 years

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Hi ris! I really like how you write angst in your fics so i have a few hypothetical questions. Imagine if em are married, and after a while eren has an affair that lasts months, nearly a year. One day mikasa finds out, catches him in bed with his other lover and shes heartbroken.

My questions are for 3 ways for it to continue:

1) If we were to stick with the em endgame agenda, how would you continue this story? (Happy version!)

2) How would you intensify the angst, make it worse and sadder? (Sad version 😞)

3) How would you continue this if it were a dark fic? 😈

hi friend ♥️ sorry for taking so long to answer.

anyway, no excuses, on to your question! ah I love these angsty, trainwreck kinda stories while characters fuck up and we just see them dealing with the aftermath of that fuck up. (Like my aruani cheating fic that I hope I will post SOMEDAY 🤧🤧)

1. If em were still to be endgame, and this were meant to be a somewhat happy version (omg HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPY 😫) I’d like to think Mikasa breaks up with him. She leaves, he lets her go, and he copes however he knows how to cope: by crashing to rock bottom first, and then to pick himself back up, slowly, painfully. I’d think alcoholism is his vice, and maybe he’d write her letters every single day for a year, drunk on whiskey, drunk on every single choked up emotion he’d thought to tell her.

One day she’d make her way back into his life. And she’s grown: changed into a different person, heartbreakingly beautiful, painfully guarded. Maybe she has a dog now, and he finds her playing with him in a park one day, and even though he promised her he’d give her space, he calls out to her. A year of space had to be worth something after all. After some initial hesitation, she opens up to him, laughs when he tries to crack a joke, invites him for coffee. Maybe it starts raining, and he invites her up to his place, tells her he has a coffee machine. (She knows, she bought it for him.)

She’s upstairs in his living room, sitting on his couch — drinking jasmine tea, which he still kept at home even thought he doesn’t like it himself — and it feels, just for one moment, like she never left. Just in that moment, it feels like all those months ago before he fucked up. Before he lost the best thing in his life to his own stupidity. And he’s almost overcome with the urge to tell her he’s sorry, to get on his knees and beg, but he’d promised he’d let go— so he excuses himself to the bathroom to compose himself.

When he’s back he finds her standing at the bookshelf, rigid, face puce. She’s got a letter in her hands, and an unshed tear in her eyes, and he’s reminded all over again just how much he fucking hates seeing those pretty grey eyes all watery and filled with anguish. It’s like a heavy stone sinking in his stomach, his barely legible scribble visible to him.

“… Mikasa,” he says finally, bc he feels guilty watching her in this moment. Privy to a moment of pain she probably didn’t want to share with him.

She looks at him unabashedly, letter still firmly in her clasp. “Sorry,” she says, her voice still calm, despite the wetness of her eyes. “It was none of my business, I shouldn’t have looked.”

With monumental effort he stays away from her, a 2 metre distance between the two of them. Even though all he wants is to crush her to him and never let him go. “They have your name on it, don’t they?” His voice feels dry, vulnerable, paper thin. “… guess it was definitely your business.”

!! Anyway !! I think Mikasa would really make him work for it. They’d become friends again, take a long, long time dancing around the problems that they used to have, before they actually talk about it. Maybe Mikasa is dating someone, and she just casually slips it into conversation. Maybe the closer she and eren get, the more she talks to him about it. Maybe at some point he catches her falling into the same patterns that plagued their own relationships— self destructive ways in which she minimises herself in a relationship, doesn’t talk about her feelings, tries to control little details to feel like she has control over the relationship.

Maybe Eren would burst out; tell her how he feels. A confrontation perhaps? Something dramatic, where Mikasa would just leave. And he probably thinks he’s fucked it up for good. That she’s never gonna be back in his life. But maybe she shows up one week later. Knock on Eren’s door, when it’s raining hard outside. Hair plastered to her face, shivering bc her coat is too thin. “Those letters.” Her teeth are almost chattering from the cold. “I want to read every single one of them.”

*kind of a whimsical ending methinks, but I like the self-discovery aspect, crash and burn and then recover feeling to this story*

2) ANGSTY VERSION! In this one: Mikasa wouldn’t leave. Instead she’d go into a shell. Eren would probably lash out after his fuck up, in kind of an i-dont-know-how-to-deal-with-this way. Maybe he’d lash out just to get a rise from her. Just so she’d say something awful to him. Punish him for the mistake he made.

But she doesn’t. Instead she internalises it, finds faults with herself, barely talks to him. Cooks him food, and keeps the house clean, and goes to work and does everything perfectly the way Mikasa always does and it drives him crazy: he’d strayed because he already felt like a failure. Lost his job, and his self-respect, and just for that one moment wanted to feel free of all his fuckups. And so he gave in to the blonde at the bar— some nameless girl who didn’t know that he had a perfect wife at home, who’d never lose her job and who’d never get shitfaced in a tiny waterhole by the highway. A wife who’d never do to him what he did to her; betray her trust and ruin the best thing he ever had, and burn it to the ground.

But eren is good at that. He’s good at destruction, and he’s good at fucking up, so when she slips her number into his pocket before leaving the motel room that morning he doesn’t throw it away. And when he’s at rock bottom at home on a Friday afternoon, while Mikasa is at work doing everything right, he gives the blonde a call. She doesn’t complain when he smells of liquor as he undresses her, and she doesn’t care when he isn’t delicate enough to look for lube.

She doesn’t care. But Mikasa does. Mikasa cares when she comes home to find blood red heels on the carpet floor, and lace panties carelessly dropped on the rug outside their bed room.

Mikasa cares when she sees Eren hunched over another woman’s back, fingers digging deep into her ass, hips rough against hers.

And when Eren looks up to see Mikasa’s horrified, heartbroken expression staring at him in the act, he cares too. Every fibre in his body screamed with self-loathing.

I think Eren would sober up very quickly after that. Kick that girl out of his room, out of his house, delete her number, bc he had to watch as Mikasa silently observed from the kitchen as the blonde wore her heels and clacked her way out the door.

“Arent you going to say something?” Say anything, he pleads, bc he doesn’t know how to apologise, he’s never been very good at it. He doesn’t even know where to start.

But Mikasa is numb, tears too choked up to leave her, knuckles white as she grips the chair in front of her. After what seems like an eternity, she finally meets his gaze. Maybe she’ll ask him to leave, he think. Maybe she’ll kick him out and ask him never to show his face to her again. Maybe she’ll slap him and tell him he can expect divorce papers tomorrow. But instead, all she says is, “What do you want for dinner?”

And she doesn’t talk about it. She doesn’t ask him who the woman is, doesn’t ask how long it’s been going on for, doesn’t ask him if he’s still seeing her. And this is what kills him: she never asks him why.

She comes to bed late, or sometimes too early, but never at the same time as him. She sticks to her side of the bed, so close to the edge he feels like she’ll fall off at any moment. Some days he wakes up in the middle of the night and the bed is empty next to him, the imprint of her body barely there. Like she’d left the bed ages ago, and was never next to him at all.

He tries to tell her— he tries to tell her why, but how is he supposed to get it out of his mouth, when all he can say is “Mikasa” and she watches him with a resigned acceptance, waiting for his next words but they just don’t come out. So instead all she asks is: “does it taste ok?” Gesturing at the food she makes.

He managed to clean himself up and get a job, and he brings her flowers sometimes after work. She smiles for him. Puts them in a vase and says thank you but the smile never reaches her eyes.

Some days he catches her when she thinks she’s alone. Staring at the running tap water like she’s flowing down the drain with it. Some times she’s chewing her lips so had, there’s blood dripping from her lips. But if he goes to her, she wipes herself clean and smiles at him, a fake smile that doesn’t belong there, and tells him she’s fine.

If he were a better person, he’d leave. He’d apologise and tell her she deserves the world, and watch as some other man gave it to her. But he isn’t a better person.

He’s flawed, and full of shit, and terrified that if he leaves her, he won’t know where to go. He won’t know where he’d end up, and most importantly he wont know if he’d ever see her again. And sometimes that thought scares him so much he can’t sleep.

One day she breaks. Makes him coffee when he comes back from work, and slowly, voice trembling, hands fidgeting, she asks him, “Do you think if we had a child…” Her grey eyes were sunken, he hated the pain he saw in them. Hated his own reflection in the center of it. “… do you think that would fix us?”

Eren stares at her for several moments. A child couldn’t fix them. Maybe Mikasa could but she’d given up. Maybe only Eren could, but he doesn’t know how. So all he asks is: “is that what you want?”

Her teeth dig into her lower lip. “I don’t know.”

Despite himself, he runs a finger across her mouth, loosening her lip from her assault. He isn’t sure if he imagines her flinch from his touch. “If it’s what you want, we can do it.”

Whatever you want, we can do it.

… anyway stepping off my soap box, I think this is a very angsty shot at em trying to have a baby, eren would have to finally learn how to talk about his feelings, his self esteem issues, his fear of losing her, apologise with every action he takes — and finally. i don’t think they’ll have a baby. i think maybe the doctor says it’s difficult for Mikasa to have a baby. 🥺

… phew ok I’m exhausted I’ll let you know about the dark version a bit later anon! Love u! Let me know if you’re planning to write this fic ♥️

#anonymous conversations #eremika #heartbreak hours

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dollarstoreartsupplies · 2 months

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forever thinking about johanna shooting fogg and what it says for both her and anthony as characters

because the whole show, from the very first scene, we've been set up to see anthony and sweeney as parallels of one another; anthony is sweeney back when he was benjamin, he's full of hope, he's in love (with a woman who looks almost identical to lucy), and then he gets that love brutally ripped away by judge turpin

in 'no place like london' sweeney says: "you are young, life has been kind to you-- you will learn" and by the point in the show where anthony is going to rescue johanna we're almost inclined to agree with him

except anthony cannot shoot the gun, he's not like sweeney in that he cannot kill another person even if it was to save someone he loved. anthony is never going to become sweeney todd.

and then we realize that we've been looking at the wrong person the whole show, and it's so obvious it's laughable: johanna shoots the gun.

johanna who has been raised to be silent and obedient and perfect, johanna who, without knowing the half of it, has had everything taken away from her by judge turpin, her mother, her father, and her freedom. johanna who we've been led to believe is the lucy to anthony's sweeney.

she is fully justified in shooting fogg, no one could fault her for it, but she doesn't even hesitate.

in that moment she is her father's daughter.

that isn't to say that I think johanna is going to go on a killing spree after the musical, obviously, but it's such a fascinating scene in terms of their development: because despite it all anthony is still the same, and because of it all johanna is not

anthony is the last bit of hope left in the story, and johanna is the last bit of sweeney

#welcome back to probably-incoherent-and-meaning-Nothing-of-substance Sondheim analysis time #god I fucking love johanna #I saw the show last night and it's ROTATING in my BRAIN #johanna barker #sweeney todd #Anthony hope #something about Anthony still being gentle and Johanna being forced to learn how to be strong just ughghghghgh #Anthony will be able to care for her and help her recover in a way sweeney would not have been able to do for Lucy at the end of the show #and Johanna will never allow herself to be pushed around as she had before #and it's heartbreaking #but also..... not?#like its lessons they never should have had to learn but now that they have they can move forward #I could talk for like a million hours for how toby works into this all too but just ghjfkjdlks #it says it all in Anthony's last name: hope

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