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#he's a funny little nugget
hannigramislife · 1 year
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People really do be hating on Xue Yang as if he wasn't hands down the funniest person in that entire shitshow.
"Oh, he hurt so many people-" ok, but have you considered the fact that he's fucking hilarious?
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eddie giving himself this tattoo as kind of a joke (but also bc he loves steve) so that every time someone says something like “aww that’s so sweet! you must be really close to your mom!” he can say “no actually i got it for my boyfriend, he’s the mother of our six adopted children”
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sour-sound · 3 months
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Bread boy strikes again…
The victim this time? Buns.
Does this look like the face of one who feels guilty? No, but he’s adorable so he’s forgiven.
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nikkisticki · 11 months
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I made the crucial mistake of calling my estrogen my Meow meow pills in front of my cat and now he seems to think this is a fun snack that is intended for him
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i think that every time the aa universe equivalent of mcdonalds had steel samurai toys in their kids meal, edgeworth would get himself one as a treat after a trial and sit in the restaurant to eat it but like in the corner so no one sees him
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eggs-can-draw · 1 year
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komaeda anin: I CANT BELIEVE I MISSED KOMAEDA TALK
but no yeah oughghghhg i actually had this whole thing where komaeda, on impulse, runs away from Jabberwock (actually i have an idea for this au, what if thats how rantaro got to jabberwock, he followed komaeda, komaeda recognizes him as the kid who could withstand his bouts of bad luck but he doesn't say anything bc rantaro wont say anything and there's just rhis mutual understanding anyways—)
he expects to be caught, of course, no way he wouldn't be, he just needed time though, time to really look at the damage they've done and the healing Makoto and co have been doing, maybe do something to actively help instead of cause destruction
(and maybe that help was leading a lost kid to find a new home—)
but when he gets found, he didn't expect for the one to find him to be Peko and Fuyuhiko, he didn't expect to find a drone being controlled by Kazuichi, he didn't expect them to bring food that TeruTeru made specifically for him because he's on a strict diet because of his health
he didn't expect to find Akane and Nekomaru catching up to them, they're loud and they're big and yet they still managed to have sneaked out or got permission to head out despite the danger of being recognized
Sonia an Gundham come too, saying that he's one of them, that there's a darkness tainting all of us, we're all the same
it's Hajime who appears last, asking him, "want to go home?"
and.
and Komaeda wants to.
(actually i forgot what the title of the fic was, sobs, but there's this one fic where he went to his parents' graves for one last goodbye and what if thats where they all meet and the gang sees the shoddily cleaned grave bc Komaeda's still healing so they all help clean it up—)
You fool the komaeda talk never stops he is Nagito Komaeda on the Nintendo DS he is Nagito_Komaeda_Nonstop_Debate_Mugshot.png which my laptop auto corrects to every fucking time he is fingers in his ass guy HE CAN AND WILL COCONUT MALL YOU and there is no escaping him I love this. So fucking much. Just. AAAAAWAWA The THEMES esp if he’s visiting his parents cause like. He went steeped in his own past and quite literally led the future home. And just. AAAAGH.
Also just the thought of lil Rantaro Appearing on Jabberwock like maybe a week or two after Komaeda goes back and he just. He just has a moment of “….wait a fucking minute” (and just Little Rantaro seeing this disaster of a guy and going “yeah imma just follow him he looks like he knows what he’s doing”)
And wanting to actually SEE that the world is healing! He wants to see the new hope after the BIG BAD DESPAIR. He wants to see that things really do get better and mmmmmm that scratches the brain in all the best ways.
ALSO ALSO KOMAEDA BEING CONFRONTED WITH THE FACT THAT FUCK. HIS FRIENDS CARE ABOUT HIM AND WOULD MISS HIM IF HE DISAPPEARED. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOUGGH
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phyroh · 8 months
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CHARACTER FLAWS.
absent-minded.    abusive.    addict.    adrenaline junkie.    aggressive.    aimless.    alcoholic.    anxious.    arrogant.    audacious.    bad liar.    bigmouth.    bigot.    blindly loyal.    blunt.    cautious.    callous.    childish.    chronic heroism.    cheater.    clingy.    clumsy.    cocky.   co-dependent.    competitive.    corrupt.    cowardly.    cruel.    cynical.    delinquent.    delusional.    dependent.    deranged.    disloyal.    ditzy.    egotistical.    envious.    erratic.    evasive.    fickle.    finicky.    fixated.    flaky.    frail.    fraudulent.    foul mouthed.    guilt complex.    gloomy.    gluttonous.    gossiper.    gruff.    grudge holding.    gullible.    hedonistic.    humorless.    hypochondriac.    hypocritical.    idealist.    idiotic.    ignorant.    immature.    impatient.    incompetent.    indecisive.    insecure.    insensitive.    lazy.    lewd.    liar.    lustful.    manipulative.    masochistic.    meddlesome.    melodramatic.    money-loving.    moody.    naive.    nervous.    nosy.    ornery.    overprotective.    overly sensitive.    paranoid.    passive.    passive-aggressive.    perfectionist.    pessimist.    petty.    power-hungry.    proud.    possessive.    pushover.    reactive.    reckless.    reclusive.    remorseless.    rigorous.    sadistic.    sarcastic.    senile.    selfish.    self destructive.    self-martyr.    shallow.    skeptical.    sociopath.    sore loser.    spineless.    spiteful.    spoiled.    stubborn.    suspicious.    suicidal.    tactless.    temperamental.    timid.    thief.    tone-deaf.    traitorous.    un-athletic.    ungracious.    unlucky.    unsophisticated.    untrustworthy.    vain.    withdrawn.    workaholic.
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MOLAR YI SANG FOR ME TOMORROW!!!!
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4lph4kidz · 2 years
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never forget jake is a lesbian ally
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I feel like your blog is Demo propaganda and you know what? I am not inmmune to it.
Ohh yes it is! That's always been my purpose here lol, I'm obsessed w him in like Basically every way someone can be obsessed w a videogame man and I'm soooo glad I can make other people like him too
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hearties-circus · 9 months
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I do find it funny when people think blue is a genuinely really nasty and mean rival cause everytime I play frlg he comes across as a friend who just expresses his affection by being a little shit
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bnuyy · 2 years
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🐢. . .
#kids are so funny#today i was pretending to be a gas station for their little bikes and toy cars#a little girl pulls up and she goes 'i need some gas' and im like of course my dear that will be $20#and this kid goes 'oh im sorry i only have $2'#girl..THIS ISNT REAL! IF YOU WANTED A MILLION PRETEND DOLLARS YOU COULD HAVE IT!! 😭 but i took her $2#and then she comes back and she asks for some stuff like candy and stuffies and when i hand it to her she goes 'can you put it in a bag?'#THIS IS AIR!! I AM HANDING YOU AIR LITTLE LADY!! but of course i turned around and put her imaginary stuff in an imaginary bag#and then this other kid he comes and asks for chicken nuggets and stuff and he says 'maybe put a toy in there ok? for my kids'#HE IS SO SMALL AND HIS VOICE IS SO CUTE AND SQUEAKY JUST HEARING HIM SOUND SO ADULT LIKE KILLED ME AHSJSJSJAJSJ#and then another child was pretending to come and buy donuts and i would say 'ok sir that will be $5' and he would just stare at me#before rolling away and start laughing when i went 'sir..SIR YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!!' we did that over and over til he was red#and this kid i had to change his diaper but the whoooole time he was just playing around and wouldnt listen#but being angry at him was so hard because he i am one of his favourite teachers and he finds me so funny for whatever reason#so when i was telling him to hold still and listen to me he would start making funny noises and laughing#and when i told him 'you are frustrating me now!' he would start giving me hugs and kisses so of course the frustration wouldnt last long#and then i had to keep up looking serious while i was washing my hands and told him to get out and go play but he wouldnt leave#he just stood in the corner of the mirror and laughed everytime my serious face broke into a smile by mistake#he is such a problem i love that child#i love all of these children i love it here#ok im done 💓 so much love in my heart rn
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alyjojo · 2 years
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vanteguccir · 21 days
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5 cute little moments | Chris Sturniolo
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Chris Sturniolo x reader
Summary: Where Chris is deeply in love with Y/N and isn't ashamed to show it; OR, 5 cute little moments between Chris and Y/N.
Warning: Making out (4).
Requested?: Yes, by @ecliphttlunar, @smileymilee and anons.
Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.
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1. Surprise on tour
A mixture of nervousness and euphoria coursed freely through Chris's veins as he prepared to enter the stage. The boy discovered after his first tour alongside his brothers that the sensations of being on a stage, surrounded by people who adore him, were very similar to the sensation of an orgasm. And he loved it.
As soon as the lights came up and the opening song started playing, he found himself fully immersed in the energy of the crowd.
While he and his brothers went through their usual fan interactions, Chris couldn't get Y/N out of his mind. He wanted her to be there with him, sharing this special moment with him and his brothers.
When it was time to take the break to talk to the fans again, Chris took a few seconds to survey the crowd in front of him, sweeping his blue eyes over each head he saw.
Until he founded her.
He frowned automatically, squinting his eyes into thin lines to try and see better, quickly realizing that it wasn't his mind playing tricks on him, Y/N was really there.
"Wait! Wait, can I- Oh my God." Chris interrupted Nick, who was speaking into his own microphone, raising his right hand towards his brother and holding it in the air, telling him to shut up silently. "Baby? Is that... Is that really you?"
Y/N - who was surrounded by fans who recognized her the moment she appeared there - felt her cheeks take on a reddish hue almost instantly, her eyes filling with tears from being able to interact in person with Chris after so many weeks apart.
The girl knew he couldn't hear her even if she screamed, so she just nodded, a huge smile decorating her face.
"Is Y/N here?" Matt's voice sounded over the speaker, his body moving closer to his brother's as he tried to find her in his line of sight. “Oh, hey, Y/N!”
"Guys, my amazing girlfriend, Y/N, is here with us tonight!" Chris shouted into the microphone, raising his free hand and waving his fingers in the air in euphoria, holding himself back from jumping in place.
The crowd erupted in applause and cheers as Chris explained how Y/N wasn't going on tour with them because of her studies. His voice could barely hide his excitement when talking about her, the volume having a constant fight with the loud volume of the fans' screams.
"Wow, it feels like I haven't seen you in weeks." Chris teased, throwing a wink her way.
Nick's laugh was heard right next to him, his voice echoing through the speaker with a random comment that Chris didn't try to understand, his eyes fixed on his girl as his heart overflowed with love.
"You look prettier than ever, babe." Chris flirted, his tongue escaping between his lips and wetting them as his ears were filled again by the euphoric screams of the crowd.
Y/N could only laugh out loud in nervousness and shyness, her red cheeks glowing under the colored lights. Some fans around her made funny comments about the situation, joking - or not - about how they wanted to be in her place.
It was safe to say that the night of the show was filled with comments and flirtations from Chris directed at Y/N, the boy having to hold himself back for long minutes to not run down the stage towards his girl arms.
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2. Mispronounciation
"Is that açaí, Nick?" Chris's question caught Y/N's attention, who took her eyes off the nugget shelves she was analyzing in one of the freezers a few steps away from the triplets, now focusing on them.
"Did I hear açaí?" Her voice echoed in excitement, her hands quickly grabbing the package of nuggets that she liked the most before returning to the boys, placing it inside the cart with the other frozen products before standing next to Nick, analyzing the container in his hands. "Oh, it is! I want it, please?"
"Of course, we'll take it." Nick quickly responded, nodding his head as he turned, facing the cart and allowing the freezer door to close behind his back.
"Can we have condensed milk and milk powder to put in it? Oh, oh, and banana too!" The girl pleaded, her voice full of excitement as she clasped her hands in front of her chest, raising her eyes towards Chris and widening them slightly.
"Sure, babe..." Chris nodded almost instantly, unable to say no to his girl. "I still don't understand how she can have açaí with condensed milk and milk powder." He muttered only for the camera to catch it, failing miserably as his tone came out loud enough for Y/N and his brothers to hear it.
"Hey! It's the only right way to have açaí, okay?" Y/N argued, rolling her eyes playfully and turning back to the cart, arranging the container next to the other frozen products, as she did with the nuggets, being the type of girl that liked to organize her groceries.
"Guys, look! It's prepackaged, but we did find some asparagus." Matt interrupted the silence seconds after, rescuing the medium package of asparagus and quickly showing it to the lens with a proud smile on his face.
"I love aspargos so much. Your cooking will be the best in this series you guys are making, Matt." Y/N murmured, smiling big and pointing with her chin at the package while Matt put it back on its place.
"What did you say?" Nick asked with a frown. Being a little away from the three made it difficult for him to understand what they were saying, and it worsened with her pronunciation.
"Um... aspargos?" The girl repeated, frowning in confusion.
"The pronunciation is wrong, babe. You say it like s-par-gus." Chris corrected gently, lowering the camera slightly and watching her with caring eyes.
He loved the little pronunciation mistakes his girl made. He understood that she was still learning English and that her Brazilian accent could make it difficult to say one word and another, and all that made him fall in love again every day.
"Oh." Y/N bit her lower lip lightly, feeling her cheeks heat up in embarrassment, receiving an encouraging smile from Matt, who watched them silently while Nick was still collecting products from that aisle.
"Hey, it's okay, pretty girl. It's just one word, let's try it together, okay?" Chris assured her, handing the camera to Matt and approaching his girlfriend, taking her hands and squeezing her fingers gently.
The girl nodded, maintaining her eyes on her boyfriend's face before focusing them on his lips, watching him saying the word again before trying it herself.
"S-par-gus. Asparagus." She repeated slowly, trying to imitate the pronunciation and accent Chris had shown her, finally saying it correctly.
"That's it, babe. You did it!" Chris smiled big, his voice echoing louder than before and euphoria exuding from his body. He quickly pulled her into a big hug, sealing the right side of her forehead with his lips for long seconds.
Extra - comments:
"It's so incredible to see how Y/N has evolved every day with her english pronunciation 🥺"
"the way Chris is patient and kind in correcting her 😭"
"Chris helping Y/N pronounce the word in the right way was the best thing I've seen today 😔✋🏻"
"I agree with her, açaí with condensed milk and milk powder is the best thing in the world 🤭"
"have a boyfriend who supports you like Chris does for Y/N 😫😫"
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3. Euphoric mood
It was a busy day for Chris and his brothers. They were rushing from one appointment to another, trying to keep up with all the demands of the channel and their brands. However, what would normally be a busy day became even more chaotic due to Chris's uncontrollable euphoria.
From the moment he woke up, Chris was in full hyperactivity mode. He talked nonstop, jumping from one topic to another with dizzying rapidity. His brothers were beginning to get irritated by his incessant energy, unable to keep up with the frantic pace of his thoughts.
"Chris, bro, you need to calm down a little." Matt muttered, frowning as he tried to keep up with his brother's rapid-fire conversation.
"No, wait! I spoke to a friend who is going to medical school, Josh, you know him." Chris ignored him, continuing to speak without slowing down, his words coming out jumbled. "And if you had a broken bone or a sprain, you'd know already, you know? It's been so long since-"
"Chris, slow down." Nick shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb, feeling overwhelmed by the torrent of information coming out of Chris's mouth since hours before.
Chris stopped abruptly, looking at his brothers with a mixture of surprise and confusion.
"What? I'm just trying to help!"
Matt sighed, straightening in his seat on the couch, trying to find the right words to express his frustration.
"Chris, we understand you're trying to help me with my ankle, but you're driving us crazy with all this energy. We need a moment."
Before Chris could say anything, Y/N - who was in the kitchen preparing an afternoon snack for them - turned from her place and walked slowly into the living room, her hands holding a metal tray with the food, watching the scene with understanding eyes. She had noticed Chris's agitated state since the beginning of the day and knew it was time to intervene.
"Chris, honey." She called softly, placing the tray on the television stand and approaching him. "Why don't you sit down for a bit and relax? You're stressing yourself out."
"But baby, Matt has been in pain for days and doesn't want to take care of the problem, so I'm coming with the solution." Chris directed his gaze at her, frowning and crossing his arms like a child.
"I know, my love, and I think the boys understand that too. Why don't we watch something for a while? Your day was tiring as well. Maybe a little rest will help everyone, okay?" Y/N smiled gently, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
She guided him to the couch and made him sit with his back against the soft backrest, sitting next to him and raising her right hand, taking it to his head, stroking his hair gently with her long nails. Chris felt instantly calmer, his frantic mind slowing down.
Nick and Matt watched in surprise and amusement as Y/N calmed Chris with her simple presence and caring gesture. They never got tired of seeing the gigantic effect the girl had on their brother.
"Are you a magician or something?" Nick teased, earning a middle finger from Chris and a laugh from Y/N in response before finally grabbing his lunch from the tray.
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4. Making out session
Chris and Y/N were lying together in their bed, wrapped in a soft blanket as they watched an old romantic comedy movie on the television. The soft light from the screen illuminated their faces as they snuggled together, enjoying the tranquility and intimacy of the moment.
As the movie progressed, Chris felt his heart beating faster as his closeness to Y/N seemed to be more palpable. No matter how many years they had been together, Chris always felt like it was still the beginning of the relationship, or, as they say, the honeymoon phase.
His blue eyes found her side profile, admiring the softness of her features and the sparkle in her eyes as she was absorbed in the story of the couple in front of them.
Without thinking, the boy moved his hand, reaching for hers and intertwining their fingers. Y/N smiled softly at the gesture, lightly squeezing his hand, conveying comfort and affection without saying a word.
The girl turned her face towards him, feeling his eyes burning into her for long minutes, ready to question him if he was still interested in the story, but her words caught in her throat when she saw the intensity of his gaze.
She knew that look.
Their eyes remained connected for long seconds, the sound of the television becoming muffled to their ears. With one smooth movement, Chris slid his free hand up to Y/N's face, caressing her warm cheek with his fingers in an almost ghost touch. He felt the softness of her skin under his, losing himself in the comforting sensation.
Y/N sighed softly, closing her eyes and pending her head against his hand, enjoying the gentle affection. In one quick movement, Chris got closer to her face, leaning towards her. Their noses met lightly, the boy caressing the area lightly in an eskimo kiss before adjusting his position, their lips finally meeting in a slow and gentle kiss, filled with tenderness and desire.
They explored each other gently, their kiss slowly gaining a rhythms as they gave in to the intimacy of the moment. There was no rush, just the sweet feeling of being together.
Chris's warm tongue caressed her lower lip in a silent request for entrance, which was quickly granted, their tongues intertwining in a wet and skillful kiss.
The boy raised his free hand to the back of Y/N's head, his thumb pressing the tip of her jaw, caressing the hot and flushed skin tenderly, feeling drunk by the natural scent of her body as they surrendered to the heat of the moment. Their hearts beat in unison, a symphony of love and desperation.
In one swift movement, Y/N moved under the blanket that covered their legs, strategically climbing into his lap and sitting on his gray sweatpants covered thighs, her legs wrapping around his hips securely. She moved her hands to his shoulders, tilting her torso slightly and deepening the kiss with the new position.
External sounds disappeared for the two, only the sound of their rapid and choppy breaths echoing in their ears, creating a warm bubble around them.
Chris's hands traveled over Y/N's body in a slow and sensual way, finding home on her hips and tracing imaginary shapes with the tip of his fingers above the thin fabric of her panties, lightly squeezing the area, a low moan escaping the girl's throat.
When the air began to run out, they reluctantly separated, their eyes closed while their tongues still savored the fresh taste of each other that predominated their mouths. Y/N leaned her forehead against his, lightly pressing their noses together as she caught her breath.
When her eyes finally opened, her first sight was Chris's swollen-lipped smirk.
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5. Trying to match my boyfriend eating
Y/N's phone camera was already open, and the device rested on the nightstand on her side of the bed, propped up against the pink lamp so that the screen pointed towards her and, consequently, Chris, who would sit next to her.
The girl smiled at the front camera after clicking the red record button, settling back down on the mattress, waiting for Chris, who would return soon with the burgers they had ordered for delivery to eat while they watched a movie.
The sound of the door opening echoed through the room some minutes after, and the girl quickly lifted her gaze towards the source, smiling widely when she saw her boyfriend with the large paper bag in one of his hands.
She quickly took it from him, opening it in one quick movement and taking out the burgers, fries, and sodas, individually separating the ones that were hers and the ones that were his.
"Hungry, babe?" Chris asked with a smile in his voice, a nasal laugh following his sentence as he settled into bed next to her, retrieving his burger quickly.
"You have no idea." The girl murmured, taking advantage of the fact that Chris was unwrapping his lunch as if it were the most precious thing in the world to quickly look at her phone, winking at the camera, unwrapping her own burger.
Y/N wasted no time, noticing from the corner of her eyes her boyfriend already taking the first bite, quickly following him. She tried to bite off a piece in the same size as his, but her attempt was futile, only getting half of it, which was already too much for her.
Chris chewed the piece without any problems, leaning forward slightly and reaching for the remote control that was in the middle of the bed, quickly picking it up and clicking the play button, resuming the movie where they stopped before the food arrived, his mouth working on taking another bite without even looking at his burger.
Y/N's eyes widened, forcing herself to swallow what was still in her mouth so she could take more, this time a little bigger than the last. She found it difficult to chew as quickly as Chris did, closing her eyes tightly as she tried, futilely, to concentrate on swallowing as quickly as possible.
A cough escaped her throat, muffled by her closed lips, but catching the boy's attention, who looked up at her with his brow furrowed in confusion.
His blue eyes widened comically at the sight of her cheeks inflated because of the food and trying to chew, a loud laugh escaping his lips.
"Babe, what the fuck are you doing? Slow down." The brunette adverted, wrapping his burger again and leaving it on the bed - away from his legs so as not to run the risk of crushing it.
He leaned toward her, patting her back lightly with his right hand while his left reached for her Diet Coke, touching the end of the straw to her closed lips.
Chris watched her carefully and with worried eyes, waiting for her to swallow the food, finally taking a few slow sips of the sweet drink.
"I'm sorry." Y/N whispered, a small smile decorating her face along with her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "It was supposed to be a TikTok, but you eat too quickly."
The boy shook his head in confusion, running his eyes around the room and quickly finding his girl's phone recording them.
"Your food will run away or something?"
"Shut up."
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My requests are open! Please read my rules before sending anything ♡
And remember to treat people with kindness always!
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~ taglist:
@lustfulslxt @ladybunny44 @worldlxvlys @earth2starkey @remussbitch @freshloveforthefit @sturniolowhore @alorsxsturn @urfavgirllyyyyy @hearts4chriss @cupidzsq @dracoflaco @rootbeerworshiper @junnniiieee07 @elliesturniolo1 @sstvrnioloo @lightsgore @gidgett11037 @ksskianshd @soimightlikeoldmen69 @ldr-sl0t @breeloveschris @its-jennarose @sainzzsturns @ecliphttlunar @soso-scarlettolivia @sturnolio-luvs @bitchydragonparadise @lvrsturn @freshsturns @h3arts4harry @patscorner @strnilolo @bernardsbendystraws @mattsneezing @poetatorturadaa @meg-sturniolo @orangeypepsi
(If you want to be added to the taglist, please comment here)
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unfinishedslurs · 1 year
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aware of his bisexuality steve (steddie, buckingham)
“Is that a hickey?” Comes out of Steve’s mouth without permission. But there it is, bright purple and red against the slope of her neck. She’s been walking kind of funny this morning, too. He’d assumed her period came early, but… “Rob, did you—“
Eddie fumbles the coffee mug he was pulling down. Chrissy freezes, face turning white with fear. Robin whips around, face bright red, and slaps a hand over her neck. 
“Bathroom!” She yelps. “Bathroom now!”
“Wait,” Eddie says, setting the mug down with trembling hands. “It was me. Sorry, man.”
Steve stares at him, unimpressed. Why the fuck would he lie about—
He looks at Chrissy again, who takes a nervous step back, and it clicks. 
“Right,” he says, nodding quickly. “You. You gave Robin a hickey. Had totally awesome sex that she didn’t even tell me about.” He directs that last bit at Robin pointedly. He told her almost immediately when he lost his guy-ginity. Traitor. “Yep. Sure. Got it.”
Eddie blinks, confused. Robin buries her face in her hands. 
“Oh my god, calm down,” she groans. “That’s not going to work. Steve’s cool.”
“Cool?” Chrissy asks, still looking ready to bolt. 
“Super cool,” he assures her. “The coolest. So incredibly cool, even if my best friend didn’t even tell me when she lost her virginity.”
“Steve!”
“Sorry, sorry,” he says. “But I am going to need details, Buckley. We can go over what worked, and what needs more oomph.”
“Oh my god, can we talk about this anywhere else,” Robin groans, at the same time Eddie asks, “What, so you can get off on it later?”
“What,” Steve says. 
“You think two girls are hot, is that it?” He’s got a sneer on his face now, but Steve’s more observant than Dustin gives him credit for. Even if he wasn’t, it’d be hard to miss how hard his hands are shaking, the nervous tilt to his mouth. 
“Ew.” Steve’s face screws up. “Dude, no. It’s Robin.”
“Hey, fuck you,” Robin breaks in, from where she’s started comforting Chrissy. “You thought I was hot for at least a summer.”
His mouth drops open in betrayal. “We agreed to never talk about that again!”
“Can’t help being sexy,” she coons. Chrissy giggles wetly. “You wanna get married, Harrington? Have my babies? Stay home and raise six little nuggets while I bring home the bread?”
“I hate you,” he informs her. “Hate you so much. We’ll have a nice, heterosexual wedding and share a sad, heterosexual kiss, and you’ll carry me over the threshold of our nice, heterosexual house, and we’ll have boring, heterosexual sex that gives us nice, heterosexual babies, because we are so heterosexual and happy in our suburburban house in our nice little heterosexual town.”
He’s honestly kind of proud of himself for saying heterosexual so many times. Usually he fumbles words with that many syllables, especially after that many times in a row. 
Chrissy is outright laughing, now, endearing little snorts making their way between giggles. Eddie is looking between them like they’re a puzzle he can’t piece together. Robin grins.
“I’ll cuck you with the secretary.”
“Not if I cuck you first. You’ll be away all day in that office of yours, and I need someone big and strong to carry all the new furniture I ordered.”
“I knew it! I knew Timmy wasn’t mine!”
“Oh, but I couldn’t help myself,” he swoons. “Mark was just so sweet, with his bulging biceps and hand flexes, all hot and sweaty from helping poor little me while you were away! You know I’m weak to curly hair and brown eyes, Rob, how’s a man supposed to resist?”
“Fag,” she says, not without affection. 
“Dyke,” he shoots back. 
“Cocksucker.”
“Carpet—“
“Okay,” Eddie breaks in, clapping his hands. He and Robin both startle, and so does Chrissy from where she’s been watching them like a particularly interesting tennis match. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Robin lost her virginity and didn’t even tell me,” Steve says immediately, like he’s tattling to the principal. 
“Steve doesn’t seem to understand the concept of waiting,” Robin retorts. 
“I told you when I had gay sex,” he whines, and Eddie chokes. “I hate you. See if I ever give you tips again.”
“Oh, is that what you meant?” Chrissy asks. “Please don’t stop. They were good tips.”
Robin flushes all the way down to her toes. 
“You like boys?” Eddie wheezes. 
“Oh,” Steve blinks. “Yeah? I thought you knew.”
“You thought I—how would I know?”
The fuck is that supposed to mean? Steve’s been flirting with him for months!
“Robin always says we can sense each other! You sensed her.”
“You told him?” Eddie’s mouth drops open, and Robin looks sheepish.
“She didn’t have to,” Steve snarks. “You’re flagging in Hawkins, man. Was I supposed to miss it?”
“You know what flagging is?”
“Again, in case you missed it, I fuck men.”
“Fuck,” Eddie mutters. “Fuck! Christ, I can’t believe this. You’re, like, the epitome of heterosexual. I spent half of high school having to hear about how much pussy you were getting. Why are you not straight?”
“Wow, Eddie,” he deadpans. “Are you saying just because I like men and woman, I’m not queer enough? That’s kind of homophobic of you, man.”
“Yeah, Eddie, wow,” Robin says. “I thought you were better than this.” 
“Fuck off,” Eddie says. “I feel like I need to lie down. My entire worldview just shattered.”
“I have a couch?” Chrissy offers shyly. “Or a bedroom, if you need a minute away.” Fuck, Steve kind of adores her. Especially since she’s apparently vicious n bed, if the five other hickies he counts just from Robin bending down a little to whisper in her ear are any indication. Good for her.  
“Don’t worry, Eddie,” Robin says, with a glint in her eye that means he’s either going to love or hate what comes next. “If it helps, Steve’s never fucked a man in his life.”
Eddie’s brow furrows, looking between the two of them. “So…you’re just making fun of me?”
He looks a little angry now, and Steve can’t make heads or tails of this conversation because, “What the hell, Rob, yes I have—“
“Oh, so suddenly you’re the one doing the fucking?”
“Stop making fun of me for taking it!”
Eddie lets out an honest to god moan that he immediately slaps his hand over his mouth to cover up. “Right,” he says fervently. “Okay. I need to lie down, like, for real.” 
They watch him stride down the hall, so fast he’s almost running, and slam the door closed behind him.
“I could totally top,” he mutters to Robin as something that sounds vaguely like muffled screaming echoes down the hall. “I top girls all the time. It’s not my fault prostates are a gift from God.”
“Uh, you top because all the girls you fuck are from small town Indiana. If one of them brought out the strap you’d drop to your knees so fast—“
“That’s—I like topping!”
“Your favorite position is cowgirl. Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”
“I will show Chrissy your baby pictures,” he hisses. Robin makes a face at him. Chrissy nods excitedly from where she’s still tucked under Robin’s arm. 
“Oh what’s that?” Robin practically shouts. “You like being pressed against walls and ravished? You want someone to tie you up and have their filthy way with you? Is that what you said, Steve?”
Another noise from the bedroom. He narrows his eyes at her. “What are you doing?”
“Helping,” she says sweetly. “You’re both hopeless.”
“I told you he’s shy!”
“Eddie?” Chrissy asks. “Shy?”
“Yeah, okay, I was confused too, but I figured it was the romance! He told me he hasn’t actually been in a relationship before, I assumed he was nervous to take that step.”
“Yeah, but dingus,” Robin says sweetly. “You’re missing a puzzle piece here. He thought you were straight. He thought he was flirting with his straight best friend he didn’t have a chance in hell with, and then he finds out that said best friend likes taking it up the ass and men with brown eyes.”
“Oh,” Steve says, realization dawning. “Oh, fuck. What if he doesn’t like me like that?”
Robin smacks the back of his head. “Why are you stupid?”
“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Chrissy says. “Like, really don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m not coming over tonight,” Robin says. “I’m gonna stay with Chrissy again. Er…if that’s okay?”
“That sounds amazing.” Chrissy beams, and Robin turns red again.
“Yeah, I’m going to stay with Chrissy again tonight. You are going to invite Eddie to stay the night when he gets done with his little crisis, and then we’re getting lunch at the diner tomorrow and you can tell me about it before our shift.”
“Right,” Steve says. “Right, I can do this. I’ve invited guys over before, how hard can it be? It’s just Eddie. But that was hotel rooms, not my house and my bedroom with my shitty wallpaper. And it’s Eddie. Fuck, what if I’m shit at it? Robin, what if I’m actually bad at sex and everyone who’s ever said I was good was lying because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings? Oh my god, I’m totally bad at sex.”
“Woah, dingus, slow down. I think we took the mind meld too far, you’re turning into me.”
“If it helps, I don’t think you’re bad at sex,” Chrissy says. Steve and Robin look at her, and she flushes. “Because of the tips! Not because—I’ve never slept with you, but some of my friends did, and I got three orgasms out of last night, so…”
“Oh thank God,” he breathes. “I was worried for a minute.” Then he raises an eyebrow at Robin, and holds out his hand for a high five. She slaps it, begrudgingly proud of herself, and then takes the hand to pull him into a headlock that’s honestly more of a hug than anything. 
“You’re fine,” she whispers in his ear. “You’re great at sex, as you keep telling me. What’s more, you’re funny, charming, handsome, brave, caring—“
“Aww, Robin, are you getting sappy on me?”
“Plus Eddie literally moaned in front of you when he found out you bottomed. I really don’t think there’s a way to fuck that up.”
Steve grins. “He did do that. I’m going to make so much fun of him later.”
“So,” Eddie says with a smirk, “men with brown eyes?”
“Hey man, don’t look at me. Blame Jonathan.”
Now Eddie looks stunned, mouth dropping open. “Byers?” He says, sounding betrayed. “You have a crush on Byers of all people?”
Steve feels offended on Jonathan’s behalf. “What’s that supposed to mean? Jonathan’s a good guy!”
“I guess.”
“What do you mean you guess? He’s sweet, passionate, good with kids, nice eyes. Can pack a punch. I mean, what’s not to like?”
“Uh, didn’t he steal your girlfriend?”
He waves that off. “That was, like, years ago, man. We’re cool now.”
“Right, okay,” Eddie mutters. “Well have fun with Byers, I guess.”
It clicks. “Oh,” he says. “Oooh. You’re jealous.”
Eddie splutters. “Jealous? I’m not—I don’t—you’re jealous!”
“Oh, am I?”
“Yes,” Eddie says resolutely, not looking at him. 
“Right,” Steve agrees. “Well, if I am jealous, maybe I should know that I got over Jonathan years ago, and have since moved on to brighter, hopefully more attainable pastures than my ex’s ex.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
“A different man with brown eyes?” He suggests. “Who is also good with kids, and passionate, and…” he trails off, suddenly realizing all those times Robin made fun of him might not be based on nothing. “Oh my god, I have a type. Shit, I have to tell Robin she was right.”
“I figured that was a common occurrence.”
“Shut up. Where was I going with this? I had a point.”
“You were telling me how awesome I am?”
“Oh, suddenly it’s you we’re talking about?”
“I mean,” suddenly Eddie looks shy, and Steve can’t help but think even with the change in context he might have been right when he told Robin Eddie was nervous about being in a real, romantic relationship, “isn’t it?”
He feels himself smile, slow and wide and probably more revealing than he means it to be. “Yeah,” he says, in a tone he knows Robin would call soppy, “it is.”
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tarjapearce · 3 months
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Old Friend
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Summary: You meet an old friend in your shopping trip with the family.
Nothing but a slice of life, fluff, bit of angst and a jealous Miguel ~
Whenever it was restock day, Costco or Walmart would be the main places to go.
You'd get the list, Miguel would secure Rosie to his chest, as Benjamin would get inside your cart. Gabi would walk alongside you or her beloved Papa, pushing his cart.
Each would take separate ways, you'd get the meats and veggies, as Miguel would get the rest, powder detergent, cleansing products, and snacks.
"Mama, can I have these?" Benjamin swayed his feet pointing at the  colorful packaging of dinosaur shaped nuggets.
"Course you can, mi niño. Which one you want?"
"I tried the red one last time, I'll get the purple"
Benji's boyish voice echoed around you as you stopped on the frozen meals section.
"Alright, purple it is."
You picked the purple package, a triceratops and a T-Rex on the cover. Then, filled the cart with different sort of meats, Miguel's favorite cuts, hams and of course, lots of canned jalapeños. Orange, pineapple, and cranberry juice, a couple of sodas and finally you got to go to the cereal and coffee aisle.
Miguel was running out of coffee in his office, and back at home you only had a couple of packages. It reminded you the time Miguel nearly had an anxiety attack when he found out he had ran out of the black liquid gold, even in his secret stash.
For some reason the brand he always bought was put on the top shelves. With a huff you looked around to see if there was any ladder, but upon finding none, You stepped on the bottom shelf, trying to get the six pack in the edge, but obviously, you couldn't reach it.
Benjamin giggled when you missed, as revenge you smothered his face in kisses, earning you a loud and bubbling squeal.
"Here, let me." A deep voice rumbled behind you. Your eyes widened at the all too familiar face before you. Reaching effortlessly for the coffee packaging.
"Richard" you mumbled while taking the package, to then put it on the cart.
"Hey" His hand waved softly. Clad in a hoodie, bermudas and sneakers. A little gold band hugging his ring finger. Dull, as his overall aura.
Despite the years coming through, he hadn't lost his kind green eyes. Some wrinkles adorned his matured face. Ricky was only two years older than you, and still had some white hairs poking out here and there.
He sported a short and well trimmed beard, hair parted and neatly arranged to a side. His eyes darted to the boy that undoubtedly resembled alot like you, except for his curious big and round red-ish eyes.
"Whose this little champ?" The smile on his face was coy, but genuine.
"It's my boy, Benjamin."
A proud beam stretched on your face as your hand caressed Benjamin's head, some of his curls trapping your fingers.
"Nice to meet you, champ." Ricky stretched his hands towards him and Benjamin shook it, a tad nervous.
"He definitely has your curls."
You smiled, eyes diverting behind him, ready to meet his partner but, there was none, just his half cart full of car appliances, some diary products and snacks.
"My goodness, you have a beard now."
Ricky chuckled and scratched it. He was a handsome man, undoubtedly. Good and well worked physique. Lean muscles, athletic and healthy looking. Green eyes a shade darker than green apples, pretty lips you liked biting and a healthy tan on his skin, despite him being a pale guy. A couple of freckles adorned his nose.
"And you've got a kid now." there was a bit of disbelief in his tone.
"Three actually. Funny how we ended up doing the things we always said we wouldn't do right away."
Richard gave a soft laugh.
"At least we look good. And I'm sure you're a great mom. How long has it been?"
"I don't know, I suck at math. But I do know it's more than ten years." You pushed the cart to get the cereals and naturally he helped you to get them. Eyes looking for Miguel in every chance you had.
"How have you been?" He tensed a bit at the question, not expecting your openness to talking so casually, specially when your finger shone with a golden band. He graduated college and never saw you again, until now. Gentle and caring as always. You hadn't changed, and he was glad.
"As usual. Existing, trying to keep myself afloat after, uh... my divorce." His mouth pressed in a tight line, green eyes looked away for a second, unable to meet your stare. Ashamed.
Your eyes blinked at his reply. Clearly surprised by such thing. Face falling with worry. "I'm sorry to hear that."
Richard shook his head, and gave a nonchalant shrug.
"Things happen. It's one of those situations that get your eyes open for good." Ricky rubbed his neck awkwardly and you offered a little reassure with a hand on his shoulder, patting it softly.
"Hey, you've got this. I know it's been a while, but I'm sure your problem solving skills are still top notch."
Hw chuckled, almost sympathetic at himself, "I don't even know anymore, if I'm honest. But if you say so."
The voices in the aisles kept indistinct, each in their own world, mingling with the upbeat background music.
"Also... I'm sorry." His eyes remained on yours. Something he'd always do when speaking truthfully.
Your brow quirked, "Whatever for?"
Ricky's hands squeezed the insides of his pockets as he spoke.
"For breaking up with you. Specially like that. It was a d-" He caught his tongue before continuing with the french before Benjamin, "It was wrong of me."
You could only stare at him, and he recoiled further in his spot, shoulders hunched, eyes on the floor.
"If something's worth saying, I... divorced cause my mom also ruined it for me."
You frowned, confused and he shook his head.
"So I cut ties, went to therapy and yeah." He reached out for a three pack of granola for himself, and another for you after you pointed at the brand.
"I'm sorry, I'm kind of confused as to why would you think I'd be happy to know something awful happened to you, Richard?"
Richard's brow puckered. You really hadn't changed at all. Even after he dumped you a few days before Christmas eve.
"I... don't know? Thought you'd hold a grudge for what I did."
"A grudge?" You tittered and this threw him off guard, "Not to sound mean or anything, but I didn't even remember what had happened until now. You know I'm forgetful."
You both chuckled as he nodded.
"Yeah, kinda wondered if you'd lose your head too if it wasn't attached to your body."
You gasped while mocking offense, "That was rude."
You grabbed a couple of cereal boxes Benjamin pointed at.
"But true. In all seriousness, I'm glad that at least something great came after me. Is he a good man?, wait..." He shook his head softly, "Stupid question Of course he is, you married him."
You beamed and this made his chest swell in a mix of happiness and pride. You deserved it after all he also put you through.
"You'll find someone, I know so." It always made him wondered why he was stupid like that to allow his mother come in between.
"I'll give myself a couple of years to heal first. Wanna make sure I don't repeat things over."
It was your turn to get that pride sensation in your chest. Knowing he was making a good progress out of his mother's shadow also made you happy. You out of everyone knew how hard it was like.
"Hope they're ready to listen country music nonstop in your car." He rolled his eyes.
"I know you hated the genre, that's why I always played them"
Your lips pursed with faked anger as he tittered, however, Ricky cleared his throat off the laughing upon watching a behemoth of a man, approaching from behind. Red eyes set on him. A shudder crawled on his skin as he gulped. The baby on his chest did little to appease the intimidating aura around him.
"Mama!" Gabi came to you with an excited face as she showed you her new acquisition. A purple and glittery cover for her phone.
"Qué lindo! Do they have it in blue too?" (How cute!)
"Nah, it was the last one, Papa said this would match with my room too."
Said Papa hugged you from behind, and kissed your temple, red eyes never left him. Ricky gave Miguel a polite smile as he backed away a few steps. Miguel's strong features only turned sharper. It would be a lie to say if Ricky wasn't surprised and intimidated.
Surprised cause you hugged Miguel's narrow waist, a pleased and proud purr emanated from his chest. Loud enough for only you to hear it.
The man before him screamed danger a mile ago. But also, explained lots of things. Like Benjamin's eyes.
"Richard, this is my husband. Miguel O'Hara."
Ricky hesitated for a second, but stretched his hands towards him, big tan hands easily enveloped his in a firm shake.
"Nice to meet you." His nervous smile was like fuel to your husband's ego.
Miguel acknowledged him with a brief nod, eyes not tearing away from him. A quiet She's mine in his eyes.
"Richard and I used to go at the same college. Oh! This is my eldest daughter, Gabriella. And my youngest baby, Rosie."
Gabi smiled politely while holding onto Miguel's hips.
"You have a beautiful family." His green eyes stared at an ever curious Rosie that gazed back at him. Miguel's shoulder's tensed when Rosie gave Ricky a smile.
"Thanks, You'll be fine though. Things take time, but, It all comes together somehow. Just be patient. I'm glad you're doing good on your own." Again, you patted his shoulder, he just gave you a small but genuine smile. Miguel's guts churned as his jaw clenched.
Ricky left after saying his goodbyes, not wanting to impose his presence any further.
"Gabibi, mi amor, can you get the food cart to the line, please?"
"Okay. Don't take too long, please?"
Gabriella took the cart as Benjamin showed her his nuggets, leaving you and Miguel with Rosie alone.
"Alright, interrogation can start now." You chuckled and Miguel pulled you by your waist towards him, ebbing you to walk a few steps before giving a firm slap on your rear.
"Miguel!" you hushed, flustered while looking around to see of there were people and he smirked.
"Wanted to do that before that guy, but that wouldn't be too polite of me, wouldn't it?"
You kissed his cheek, but he quickly corrected the place and pecked your lips.
"That's better. Who was he anyway?"
"My ex from college."
He just hummed and it was your turn to return the squeeze, he chuckled, "Relax. He just got divorced and obviously not having a good time."
"Too bad." He shrugged, a bit nonchalant and you deadpanned.
"Don't be mean. You were scaring him on purpose."
"Obvio. Still, forgot to thank him." (Obviously)
You chuckled as you approached to the line, Gabi waved at you both.
"Thank him?"
"Well, he let you go, and I wouldn't have met you in the first place. So thanks to that."
"Well, he's there on the other line, go tell him."
You teased, but to your surprise Miguel stepped away from the beeline and was walking towards Richard.
"W-Wait! Miguel!" You had skip a few steps to catch him and pull him back to spot, he smirked while pulling you tighter towards him.
"Don't tempt me, mi reina."
"God, I swear. You're-"
"Your husband, mi amor." He smirked, satisfied at his own title in your life.
"A jealous one."
He leaned to your ear and whispered, "Espérate que lleguemos a casa. No te la vas a acabar conmigo, mi reina." (Wait till we get home. You'll see what's up.)
Gabriella rolled her eyes at the flirty atmosphere around you and covered Benjamin's eyes.
"You're too young to see that."
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