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tropes-and-tales-archives · 5 months

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Sonny Carisi: Second Chances, Part One

WC: 1739

TW: Angst; break-ups.

AN: This is part of a mini-series. The rest can be found here.

AN2: This first part is Nick Amaro x reader. The following pieces are Sonny Carisi x reader.

You sat in the cool interior of your car, waiting for your boyfriend to finish up his physical therapy. He would be a long road back, but he was making great progress already.

You had met Nick Amaro three years ago when you transferred into SVU from Major Case. Back then, he had been married to Maria and partnered up with Olivia Benson, and you had been chronically single and partnered with Fin Tutuola. You had managed to keep an admirably professional relationship with Nick, even joining him and his wife for a dinner party at their house once, but when his life fell apart with appalling force, you had done what you always do: you swept in and helped him put it back together.

When he was struggling in his marriage with Maria and dealing with the duel issues of her being stationed overseas and his own bitter jealousy, you were there to reassure him that no matter what happened, he had a wonderful daughter.

When he was struggling to come to terms with his son, Gilberto, and the crushing guilt that came with not being in his life, you were there to reassure him that the important thing was that he was there for Gil now.

When he was struggling with his undefinable relationship with your coworker, Amanda, you were there to reassure him (through clenched teeth and carefully chosen words) that he couldn’t save everyone, and maybe Amanda needed to hit rock bottom before she got help.

You had loved Nick within moments of meeting him, but you never acted on it and it always felt like innocent puppy love anyway. For a while, he was married, and then separated, and then divorced, and then hooking up with Amanda. The whole time, you loved him from afar and supported him as a friend and just chalked the whole situation up to unrequited love.

It wasn’t until you were paired up on a case regarding a future monster, a man who had a torture room built into his home, that you became more than friends. Nick had reacted badly to the man being acquitted, punching him and getting arrested for assault. You helped bail him out shortly thereafter, and that night, you and Nick hooked up after he reached for you like a man who was drowning.

To you, it wasn’t hooking up, which made it sound casual and nonchalant. To you, it was the culmination of more than a year of repressed feelings and one-sided ardor.

You assumed that Nick was just blowing off steam, proverbially speaking, but he kept coming over to your apartment, kept spending time with you. It morphed from just sex into dinner dates and lingering walks in the park and the occasional game at Yankee Stadium. If he never said “I love you,” it was likely due to his abominable track record with women.

He’ll say it someday, you reasoned with yourself. Give him time.

Even when he was seriously injured in a courthouse shooting, a shot to the liver and one to the knee…even when you were there by his side, grasping his warm hand as he drifted in and out of consciousness…even as you smoothed his hair away from his forehead and soothed him as he wept about his police career. Even then, though – he still didn’t say it.

Someday, you thought.

He was released from the hospital, and you moved him into your building because it had an elevator and a nice shower with a low step in – perfect for his continued recovery. You used up some of your personal days to help drive him to doctor’s appointments and therapy. Nick always thanked you profusely, pulling you in for fierce kisses while proclaiming that he didn’t deserve you. Then he’d get a faraway look in his eyes, and you wondered what he was thinking.

When you caught him working through his finances one night, and when you noted how he hid his papers from you when you walked in, you wondered even more. And when you saw a tab on his browser history about engagement ring values, you felt a pleasant churn in your gut.

So you waited for what came next, and in the meantime, you waited in your car for him to finish his therapy.

He exited the building twenty minutes later, still on crutches and with a fistful of papers clenched in his hand. Your inclination was to rush out and greet him, open the car door for him, but you knew that he hated feeling useless, so you waited while he hobbled himself to the car and climbed in.

“Good appointment?” you asked, flashing him a bright smile. He turned and smiled back at you.

“I’m officially done,” he replied. He held up his sheaf of papers and showed you his at-home exercises. “And I’ll probably be off these crutches in a week after that, once the final stitches come out.”

“That’s great!” you exclaimed. You pulled out into traffic and drove home, enjoying Nick’s sunny demeanor. The windows were down and a nice breeze was ruffling his hair, now longer than he usually wore it when he was on duty. “You’ll be back to chasing down perverts in no time.”

“Yeah,” he said, but he didn’t say more.

----

It was two days later that he pulled you aside to talk to you. He was sitting on the couch and called you over to sit beside him. He took your hand in his own and looked at you with those big, brown eyes that you could get lost in.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he said with a slight smile. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. You’re the glue that’s held me together the past year…”

You interrupted him. “I’d do it again, Nick. You know I love you.” You noted the slight flinch on his face when you said it and frowned.

“I know,” he said, and he seemed like he was choosing his words carefully. “And you know that I care about you too.”

There it was. Your stomach dropped and you felt a hectic flush break out across your face and neck. The giddy anticipation of being proposed to – you hadn’t wanted to believe it, but the evidence was all there, he was shopping for rings, and you were a detective, for heaven’s sake, it all made sense – disappeared.

If he couldn’t respond that he loved you too now, he never would. Despite the evidence, you had misread the conclusion.

“I’m not returning to the NYPD,” he said, and he squeezed your hand lightly. “I’m…I’m going to move to California. To be near Zara and Gil.” You pulled your hand away from his, and he added quietly, “I wanted you to know first, before I tell Liv and the rest of the squad.”

A small part of you, a stubbornly optimistic, stupid part of you thought that the next sentence out of his mouth would be a plea for you to join him on the west coast. But that part of you was, well, stupid.

“I can never thank you enough…” he repeated, but you refused to look at him, and he trailed off uncomfortably. There was a long, heavy silence.

“I was never going to be enough for you, was I?” you finally asked. You weren’t angry – that would come later, and it would last a long time, but you didn’t know that yet. You just felt drained. Defeated. “All the love and support, all the times I was there for you…it still wasn’t enough.”

Nick started to shake his head, and you could see him trying to think of something soothing that was still the truth, but you continued.

“I guess at least Maria was smart enough to move on. Amanda was smart enough to move on. I’m just the idiot who sat around and waited, thought that if I held on long enough and was there for you, you’d see the real me.”

Nick placed his hand on your knee, patting it gently. “I do see the real you,” he said softly. “You are amazing.”

“But not amazing enough for you.”

Nick sighed. “This isn’t what I wanted. I never wanted to be divorced, a father to two kids with two different women, starting a new career mid-life.” He sighed again, heavier. “And I never wanted to lead you on, but you’re so…so you. So accommodating. So easy-going.”

You scoffed bitterly. “So stupid. So blind.” You pushed his hand off of your knee and stood up. “So willing to believe that you were engagement ring shopping.”

Nick sat up, startled. “When did you see that?”

You shrugged. “You were in the shower, and I got online to order dinner. It was an open tab.” You glanced at him and noted the irritation on his face. “I wasn’t snooping, Nick. You left it out there for anyone to see.”

“I’m sorry you saw that,’ he replied as realization dawned across his face. “You must have been thinking…” He trailed off, clearly uncomfortable, then dropped his head in shame. “When Maria and I divorced, she sold her engagement ring.”

“So?”

“So.” He didn’t want to finish, but you held him with the force of your gaze. Let him be uncomfortable, uneasy for once. “So, I wanted to find a similar ring…for when I propose to her again.” He said the last part so softly that you could hardly make it out, but the message landed like a clanging church bell all the same.

You nodded curtly and walked over to the door, grabbing your keys and phone.

“We’ve been talking for a while,” he said after your retreating form. “It’d be best for Zara if we…”

You didn’t catch the rest of it. You were already out the door, down the hallway, and outside. If you could, you would have walked forever, as far from California as possible, up the east coast, through New England and up into Canada until the coastline gave out and you could walk into the surf and let the Atlantic pull you into its chilly embrace.

Instead, you walked to Central park. And when you returned to your apartment late that night, Nick was already gone. He was probably at his mother’s house, but it didn’t really matter.

He had never really been there to begin with.

#sonny carisi #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #tropes and tales

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vehkian · 2 months

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initial thoughts on metal gear solid 3: snake eater

i think mgs3 is probably my favorite game ive ever played. it’s tailored to me in ways i never expected. the biblical setup that you are the snake in the garden of eden, the older maternal figure you’re obsessed with and chasing a reflection of the most influential woman in your life, and just anytime there’s such emphasis on a miserable sense of duty.

every other metal gear game i’ve played so far is like a cool spy movie that goes insane at the end but mgs3 is a biblical epic. solid and raiden face some weird dudes on their missions to stop a metal gear, and raidens does go off the rails more and even faces his father at the end. and while mgs2s phallus to kill the father goes incredible it just has nothing on how three sets you up from the beginning to consume your mother. while the other two rely on insane twists in the final act three really sets you off with an awful feeling of understanding where it all ends. sure there’s a big robot and the brink of nuclear war but worse than that is knowing he’ll have to eat the boss as well. in the virtuous mission too you can feel so much how he misses her and feels totally unprepared still to be without her.

there’s still so much i wanted you to teach me

is that why you abandoned me

everytime he sees her you can see that lost puppy look he gives her. it’s really hard for me to put it into words though. the game does so good at really putting you in his shoes of being so confused and angry but no matter what staying in a haze of just wanting to get to her. his mission is to kill her and he’s able to push through everything not to follow through with his mission but to be with her. all the unimaginable shit you go through like the pain and the fury is what he’s willing to endure to be with her. he’s literally fighting through the garden of eden into heaven at the top of the mountain

the torture scene feels like a combination of the eclipse and the crucifixion even more than the eclipse already is. the boss’ most beloved son left suspended and beaten both as a necessity for her own mission but also knowing its a necessity for snake to achieve apotheosis. and for snake while it as direct as berserk he’s bound in hell made fully aware of the assault of someone beloved by him that leads into lover rival indirectly taking his eye. while it’s the mission of the boss for snake to kill her it felt more that she was unable to actually harm snake then than anything. after the cruxifixction you escape their bondage and in your escape end up facing the dead in hell. the sorrows “fight” feels directly like it’s meant to be christ among the sinners in hell in his time after the cross. it’s not until this baptism that snake is able to finish what he has to

i didn’t know where else to put this, but it feels so obvious to me that while snake eater(the song) is about both of them it’s from the joys perspective. it’s about how much she loves him and that she knows she can only be finally completed by her consumption by him. it’s a kiss goodbye. i feel like the ladder scene was where it was because it’s at that point it all sinks in for snake. he faces the end and makes his ascent into heaven. it plays again for a moment with eva but it cuts out and he stops, which felt to me like him feeling comfort like he did before with the boss but still knowing it’s still just him chasing her still. it plays again though at your final showdown with the joy. on subsequent playthroughs i’ve hid and waited for it start since it’s beyond easy to cqc her before it starts, but my first time was incredible. i spent a good portion trying to hide from her and snipe to chip away at her stamina, but once the song started kicking in i actually faced her. and it was a pretty even back and forth of slamming eachother into the ground and taking shots at eachother. a clashing of flash and sinew. and beyond the credits it’s the last time it plays. once he’s consumed his mother and lover you don’t hear it until the credits because it’s over, their relationship is over and he has to continue. when you and eva get together back in the cabin either it’s a different song playing which i read as snake i guess starting to move on, or atleast no longer try to reach for her like he did.

it’s become an incredibly personal piece to me that i already can’t stop replaying. it just perfect in its depiction of being torn from the most important person in the world. and even if it’s not a mission to kill her it’s no different to have forces beyond your control rip you from her. it had been five years. and everytime you see eachother you’re elated to the point of inaction. and the whole time you know that everytime you see her it’s a step towards the end of it all. i still don’t know how i’ll handle things though. when i leave she’ll still be here and that feels so much harder to live down than what happens with the joy

#mgs3 #metal gear solid #metal gear solid 3 #snake eater #big boss

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whump-mania · 7 days

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Decided to write what happens behind the scenes between Hunter and Vincent in this Dark Leader drabble. This one’s sort of intense!

TWs for mentioned noncon (not explicit), eye whump/light gore, torture, beating, drugging, stripping/non-sexual almost nudity, vomiting, cursing)

Hunter had Vincent bound to a chair. The man was very, very difficult to take down at first. He needed several doses of a sedative plunged into him to make him fully pliant. It was annoying, sure, but now, Hunter had him right where he wanted him.

“You’re a…motherfucker…” Vincent slurred, still feeling the effects of the sedative. His limbs were jelly and he could barely keep his eyes open. Still, it wouldn’t stop him from showing his disdain for the man.

Hunter snorted. “Okay, buddy.” He walked around to the front of the chair after securing the barbed wire he used to tie Vincent there, removing the protective gloves he had on. “Now, I want you nice and bruised for when little Quinn gets here…where to start…” Hunter scanned up and down the man’s body.

“I think we should start by giving me a little more skin to work with.” Hunter took the scissors he’d used for the wire out of his back pocket. Vincent tried to struggle at the sight of them, but he could barely move.

When his clothes had been cut away, leaving him in his boxers, Vincent didn’t show any shame. He knew what Hunter was trying to do. He wasn’t strong enough to hurt him at Vincent’s best. He was trying to break down his mind. Humiliate him.

“Not…gonna work,” Vincent mumbled, fighting to stay awake. “…’m not afraid of you.” His long hair fell in front of his face.

“I don’t see why not. Look at your situation here, Vince.” Hunter gestured to him. “Which one of us has the power here? The guy drugged out of his mind in his fucking underwear? Didn’t think so.”

Somehow, Vincent managed to laugh. “You’ll…you’ll never be Daniel,” he said, smiling weakly at Hunter. “Fuckin…knockoff.”

Hunter stopped smiling. He leaned over Vincent and placed a hand on the chair, lifting one of his knees and resting it in the space between Vincent’s legs.

“I live in Quinn’s nightmares. You know how I know that? I tied them to my bed one night and watched their night terrors for hours. I counted twelve times that they said my name.”

Hunter leaned in closer. “Did you know that Daniel never even thought about fucking Quinn until I did it myself?” He gripped Vincent’s hair and leaned in so that their foreheads were touching.

“I am the fucking catalyst. I’ll never be Daniel, huh? Well he’ll never be me.”

With strength that Vincent wasn’t expecting, Hunter threw the chair down. Vincent cried out when his head hit the floor and the barbed wire cut into his bare skin. He felt blood in his mouth, but he barely had time to figure out where it was coming from when a kick landed on his mouth. Hunter kicked him over and over, his position allowing him no protection from the assault.

Vincent vaguely felt himself and the chair being pulled back up into its regular position before being dragged to a corner of the room. It had a dirty mirror there, and Vincent was confused as to why Hunter had moved them there.

Hunter leaned over the back of the chair and ran his fingers through Vincent’s hair, pulling at it or scratching his scalp when he had the chance. “Why do you keep it down to your shoulders like this anyway?” He asked with feigned interest. When Vincent didn’t answer, he took the scissors out of his pocket and held the sharp end at Vincent’s throat.

“None ‘f you’re…fucking business,” Vincent said through gritted teeth.

Hunter hummed and moved the scissors up to Vincent’s hair. He opened the blades and held a fistful of it, making sure Vincent could see what was happening in the mirror.

Vincent’s eyes widened a little bit. “W-Wait—”

Hunter smirked evilly and chopped a large chunk of hair from Vincent’s head. He let it drop in the man’s lap and moved onto another fistful. He cut with no care, gleefully making a mess of Vincent’s head.

Vincent tried struggling at first, but the movement just made his skin rip and the forced haircut worse. He sobbed quietly as he let Hunter cut away at his hair, the hair that he’d promised himself to keep long in honor of his mother.

When Vincent’s hair was an uneven mess, Hunter pocketed the scissors again. “What was that again? You’re not scared of me?” He forced Vincent’s head up to look at himself. “Just now realizing how ugly you are, aren’t you?”

Hunter laughed and left the chair for a moment. Vincent stared back at himself. He was barely recognizable. He hated how he looked.

Vincent flinched when he heard Hunter loudly shuffling around. He narrowed his eyes. No. He hated him.

He timed it out. He was able to watch when Hunter walked back to him with the help of the mirror. When Hunter was close enough, Vincent used all the force he could to push himself backward and knock Hunter to the floor with himself and the chair on top of him.

Hunter screamed when the barbed wire scratched his arms and face. He tried to use his legs to kick the chair off, but Vincent kept all of his weight on him.

Biting the inside of his cheek and squeezing his eyes shut, Hunter let the wire cut his arm and ripped himself from under the chair. He panted and kicked Vincent in the throat where he lied on the floor, still bound. Vincent spat some blood out, but he was proud of how much he’d made Hunter bleed.

He didn’t know that pride would be short-lived.

Hunter returned with a bottle of pills. Unmarked, Vincent noticed. That made him nervous. He tried to bite at Hunter’s fingers when four pills were shoved into his mouth, but he was too quick. Hunter pinched Vincent’s nose shut and massaged down his throat to make him swallow the strange pills. A shot of panic surged through him when he swallowed them. What was going to happen to him?

“Seems like two doses wasn’t enough for you. Go back to sleep, bitch.” Hunter knocked Vincent out cold.

When Vincent woke up, all he knew was pain. He immediately started screaming at whatever was hurting him so horribly. It seemed all localized somewhere near his head, but it was so intense that he couldn’t place it.

Hunter watched him squirm on the ground where he’d left him. He didn’t bother with restraints yet. He knew Vincent would be in far too much pain to even think about fighting back. He knelt down next to him and covered his mouth, muffling the man’s screaming.

“You’ll learn not to underestimate me again,” Hunter said darkly. Vincent noticed that he was wearing surgical gloves. They were bloody. What the hell did that mean?

“I was thinking that when Quinn comes by, I can give them a little piece of you,” Hunter continued. He walked to a nearby table and held up a small, clear bag in front of Vincent’s face.

When Vincent saw what was inside, he started shaking. He brought a trembling hand up to his right eye, only to find a thick, blood-soaked bandage there.

He had only just realized that he could only see out of his left.

Hunter sighed when the other man expelled his stomach on the floor next to him from the shock of what had happened. He put the bag back in the icebox he had on the table and removed his bloody gloves. When Vincent had emptied his stomach, Hunter dragged him by his now short hair to another corner of the room. He straddled Vincent and held the man’s wrists over his head, staring down at him. He smiled.

“I had fun. I hope Quinn says something stupid and I get to keep both of you,” he said gleefully. “And imagine how much fun Danny will have with you. He’s becoming a real sadist, thanks to me.”

Vincent sobbed and shut his eyes at the sound of Hunter’s devious laughter.

#whump #whump blog #whump community #whump writing #whump scenario #tw blood #creepy whumper #tw torture #tw drugging #tw implied noncon #tw vomiting #tw gore #tw light gore #tw eye whump #tw eye gore #tw nudity #tw beating #tw cursing #tw hair cutting

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nowgiveusakiss · 1 year

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listen… guys… has anyone ever thought of writing something where eddie munson is eric draven? i’m thinking stay true to the plot. so TW for assault and violence!!!

reader is eddie’s true love. you are set to get married on halloween night. you two picked halloween knowing hawkins would balk at the idea of the towns two freaks getting hitched on devils night. surely a ritual of the satanic kind. but jason has officially lost his mind and he’s taken his crew down with him. (i’m picturing last episode jason).

he has somehow convinced the other men that you and eddie are cursing this town. that your wedding is a ritual to bring death to hawkins. unleash the devil upon the small town. the only way to stop the destruction is to eliminate you and eddie.

they break in while eddie is away. jason tortures you for what feels like hours. they ambush eddie as soon as he walks in the door. you two never stood a chance. jason has always held some grudge against you. ever since high school, when you turned down the football star for the freak. in an act of revenge, jason violates you in front of eddie before murdering both of you.

jason gets away with it. he’s the angel of hawkins. you and eddie? you deserved it. the two devils that you were.

but a year later, on halloween night, the crow gives eddie life once more. his purpose? to seek revenge on those who took his life away. ripped you away from him. he hunts them down. one by one. leaving a signature at each of the murder scenes. he leaves jason for last. eddie wants him to feel every millisecond of pain. it could never compare to the pain eddie feels. but he’ll drag it out. as along as it takes.

and when jason has finally met his horrific end, eddie joins you on the other side. it’s not the holy paradise that the bible promises, but it’s heaven if it’s with you.

if someone wants to write this into a full length fic, PLEASE PLEASE add me to the taglist so i can read it!!! eric draven was one of my first crushes and i feel eddie is like eric in a different font. also calculated, angry, protective eddie?? eddie who will tear apart anyone for you?? yummy!! LIKE COME ON!!!

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson hc #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson drabble #my writing #eddie x reader #stranger things 4 #eric draven #the crow #eddie munson fic #tw: violence #tw: assault #dark!eddie munson #dark!eddie munson x reader #dark!eddie munson drabble

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mojo-dojo-cracka-house · 4 months

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Ayo buddy, watch it I'm waukin 'ere (Pinned Post)

Sup bitchesssss, we're a bunch of crazy people who are insane but also slightly funny but just slightly.

3 Mods:

@thebluekid-underyourbed

@chaosreinbrothered

@unknowncorvidae

This is a silly little family AU because we're a silly little hypothetical family!! We're a little stupid so be warned you might lose braincells.

Ursa: the world-weary mother. She’s given up trying to reign in the family and now just sits back and watches them commit arson and kill the world. A raging alcoholic but only for comedic purposes. She has a high tolerance to alcohol and never gets drunk. Could chug vodka without blinking. Loves both her queer and cishet kids and would snap the neck of anyone who dares even look at them in a rudely. Penguin.

Ad: the neighborhood kid. He’s not even part of the family biologically and legally speaking. One day they waddled up to Ursa and the next day Ursa announced everyone now had an emotionally adopted sibling. They hang out around the house and create chaos with the family. Tortures people for the heck of it (a telltale sign of potential serial killers, according to rumors), threatens to fuck people with Cranberry, commits arson with the Roomba (and is sometimes caught actively encouraging it to run over the dog poop and track it around the house), etc. A pleasure to have in class.

Splat: elder sibling who is shorter than everyone. Very smart and super cool. She’s probably the second-most sensible person in the family. Has her own fair share of a criminal record. Mostly physical assault and some light arson here and there. Barely has her life together but it makes her a funnier person so there’s that. Fucking legend. Controlled chaos.

Osmosis: younger sibling who towers over everyone. Has never cussed, will never cuss, does not cuss. He does, however, willingly be the Guy In The Chair. Is the distraction in most crimes. Is the sneaky boi too. Likes setting off the plan. He’ll throw the bomb that will distract the guards, light the dynamite to draw away the police, etc. Enjoys coding. Has been known to tell the Roomba to draw dicks. Wholesome but will snap all 206 of your bones before finally killing you without hesitation or remorse. Weirdly obsessed with shoulders and Pokemon. Can code though, so there's that

Cranberry: middle child and middle height. Threatens to fuck literally everyone. Helps Ad catch the animals he tortures and watches. Points at every single fictional character and draws attention to their asses. Thinks the monkeys from Wizard of Oz were sexy. Cleans faer glasses with soap and water. Excels at school because of course fae does. Will break your shins. Enjoys finding loopholes to even the simplest instructions. A pleasure to have in class.

Ai: tired wine aunt. Aggressively ADHD. Best sister and aunt ever. Always sneaks candy in pockets, encourages crimes, doesn’t care about bedtimes, tells Ursa the kids behaved very well while she was out of the house thank you very much, etc (obviously Ursa knows but the house isn’t on fire so she considers that a win). Is drunk all the time, but somehow always manages to be a light drunk. Not drunk enough to crash the car, not drunk enough to be loopy, nothing. She is just always seen with a wine glass filled to the brim (never spilled anything in her life) and she always just seems sliiiiiightly tipsy. Never more, never less. Ursa says her sister seemed like that ever since they were kids.

Jiyuu: hobo. Always seen carrying around a sieve for some reason. Not even carrying around - it’s just in his pockets all the time. Jun Leaf calls it a holebowl and nobody has called it anything else. Hobo with a holebowl. Cranberry took one look at Jiyuu on his first visit to the family and promptly said, “You look like a hobo.” Jiyuu has never lived that down. Jiyuu enjoys teaching crimes and controversial stuff. He makes sure all the kids are aware that Australia is a lie. He talks about WWII and stuff and pins it on random people. He says murder is good and the kids repeat his arguments to everyone they meet. The hotdog guy at the baseball stadium did 9/11. Always manages to look 36 and 93 and 12 at the same time.

The Roomba (AKA Jun Leaf): mix of BB8 and Roomba. There’s no question in anyone’s mind that it is alive. It showed up one day and has just been in the house ever since. One day Ursa complained about the constant mess around the house, and the next day there was the Roomba. A few days later, Splat commented that the Roomba kept showing up in places that there was no way it could reach and it was almost like it was alive. They name it Jun Leaf as a joke. The next morn, the Roomba has Googly eyes taped on it. Nobody knows who taped the Googly eyes. Every 18th of November, the Roomba is found with a blue birthday hat.

Jun ?: an alternate? One day there was a kid on the couch sitting crisscrossed with the Roomba on his lap. Said he broken out of the mirror. He showed them the mirror that sat in the supply closet where the Roomba was supposed to always return to after doing it’s periodic cleaning of the house. It was broken. Nobody believed vim until ve said vis name was Jun ? and then held up the Roomba and asked for its name. Hangs around the house. Always has pieces of mirror in vis hair and clothes. Is the human embodiment of the Roomba. Often found with the Roomba in vis hands.

NotAd: Sometimes Ad shows up to the house hollering for blood. Other times NotAd shows up hollering for food. Ursa worried something happened to her child the first time NotAd made an appearance. NotAd is Ad just reversed. The family speculates NotHim to also be from the mirror (mostly because NotHim looks exactly like Ad but is left-handed). Somehow always has a mirror shard on NotHim (similar as to how Ad somehow always has a pocket knife). Palms of NotHis hands have scars that look like NotHe pushes their way through glass.

Oscar: Osmosis but as a virtual entity. Odiend2 first appeared on Osmosis' computer, much to Osmosis' surprise (he just walked in and there Odiend2 was, a perfect reflection of him waving at himself). Odiend2 has also showed up on the TV screen, spoke to the family through the TV speakers, and occasionally beeps the microwave in some form of code. The Roomba beeps back (somehow; the Roomba has no voice box). Odiend2 helps Osmosis out with coding but also enjoys randomly deleting files. An oddball (like Osmosis, lol) but he gets an excuse because he’s a virtual thing and cannot wreak actual havoc.

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ash-and-books · 10 months

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Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb: New York Times bestselling author Andrew Joseph White returns with the transgressive gothic horror of our time!

Mors vincit omnia. Death conquers all.

London, 1883. The Veil between the living and dead has thinned. Violet-eyed mediums commune with spirits under the watchful eye of the Royal Speaker Society, and sixteen-year-old Silas Bell would rather rip out his violet eyes than become an obedient Speaker wife. According to Mother, he’ll be married by the end of the year. It doesn’t matter that he’s needed a decade of tutors to hide his autism; that he practices surgery on slaughtered pigs; that he is a boy, not the girl the world insists on seeing.

After a failed attempt to escape an arranged marriage, Silas is diagnosed with Veil sickness—a mysterious disease sending violet-eyed women into madness—and shipped away to Braxton’s Finishing School and Sanitorium. The facility is cold, the instructors merciless, and the students either bloom into eligible wives or disappear. When the ghosts of missing students start begging Silas for help, he decides to reach into Braxton’s innards and expose its guts to the world—if the school doesn’t break him first.

Featuring an autistic trans protagonist in a historical setting, Andrew Joseph White’s much-anticipated sophomore novel does not back down from exposing the violence of the patriarchy and the harm inflicted on trans youth who are forced into conformity.

Review:

A heart wrenching, horrifying, and absolutely brutal transgressive gothic story about escaping the confines of society and surviving the most brutal atrocities to be who you are. It is 1883 in London, and in this world there is something known as The Veil, a place between the living and the dead. Only violet-eyed mediums can commune with the spirits and all mediums are heavily regulated under the watchful eye of the Royal Speaker Society. Silas Bell was born as a violet eyed girl, and when his family threatens to marry him off to a speaker in order to breed more children for mediums... something Silas wants absolutely no part of. Silas has endured enough, from the relentless amount of tutors who forced him to find ways to hide his autism to the constant attempts made by his family to force him to fit into the confines of being a "girl". Silas only wants to be himself, to be the man he knows he is. Silas wants to be a surgeon, a doctor, he does not want to be forced into a marriage and forced to be a woman. Silas decides to take the most drastic step: enter into the medium competition for the society and receive a medium seal, ensuring his freedom.... but if he's caught he could be hanged... and when the entire event goes up in flames Silas is then sent to Braxton's Finishing School and Sanitorium, a cold facility where girls are taught, tortured, assaulted, and beaten into becoming the "ideal wives" perfect to be returned to society.... but Silas realizes that something much stranger and darker is going on, with so many girls disappearing... an he find a way to escape before he ends up six feet in the dirt? This was a BRUTAL and absolutely brilliant horror gothic story featuring an autistic trans protagonist. I was gutted, crying, and absolutely horrified for Silas. This story is not for the faint of heart but it addresses a lot of the violence in the patriarchy and the harm inflicted on trans youth who are forced to conform. This story was brilliant, it had me clutching my seat until the end. This was a literal horror story and I was rooting for Silas the entire time to survive. This was fantastic, seriously I will be thinking about this story for weeks to come.

*Thanks Netgalley and Holiday House / Peachtree / Pixel+Ink, Peachtree Teen for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #lgbtq books #lgbtq horror books #the spirit bares its teeth

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beardedmrbean · 11 months

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Wagner Group founder Yevgeny Prigozhin has vowed to defy an order from Russia’s Defense Ministry to fall under the regular army’s command—and he now says he’ll take other defectors under his wing to build the mercenary group’s ranks.

His comments, perhaps the biggest indication yet of a potential military coup, come after Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu signed a decree mandating all volunteer fighters to sign a contract with the ministry by July 1. The move is widely seen as a bid to centralize military control and limit Prigozhin’s influence in the war after he spent months airing the dirty laundry of Russian infighting and, most recently, was accused of having his fighters routinely abduct and torture regular Russian troops.

But according to Prigozhin, it all boils down to jealousy. Shoigu, he said, “can’t stand anybody who does something better than he does. And that’s why everyone is supposed to lick his boots. Wagner has never done that.”

He went on to say the mercenary group was already taking in volunteers who don’t want to answer directly to the Defense Ministry.

“Volunteer units are contacting us. We are taking them into our ranks as separate assault detachments and building them into our general command and control system, in which we cover them with artillery, aviation, provide intelligence and everything that is necessary,” he said via his press service.

Separately, he accused the country’s Defense Ministry of repeatedly attempting to “destroy” the mercenary group.

“We’re not just talking about some kind of interference, but about deliberate, physical destruction. Both then and now,” he said, claiming top military brass intentionally failed to inform Wagner of an impending U.S. airstrike in Syria in 2018 that killed several of the group’s mercenaries.

More recently, he said, the Defense Ministry “tried to close [Wagner mercenaries in Bakhmut] without any ammunition.”

Prigozhin claimed he confronted Shoigu about the first incident at an event in the Kremlin in 2018. “I approached him and asked: ‘Can I talk to you about the situation that occurred on February 8 near Deir ez-Zor?’ He turned, calmly and arrogantly replied: ‘You wanted to be a hero? You played the hero. All the heroes are here now, in this hall,’ he said, casting his hand over those in expensive suits. “And you were just out of line.’”

Of Russia’s top military brass, he said, “They wore beautiful epaulets, but Wagner won in all countries of the world. This is where the jealousy comes from.”

The latest phase in the Prigozhin vs. Shoigu feud comes as ordinary Russians have reportedly shown more interest in the mercenary boss than President Vladimir Putin. The independent outlet Verstka reported Tuesday that in May, Russians searched the internet for information on Prigozhin twice as much as they did for Putin.

#nunyas news #let them kill each other

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ikkaku-of-heart · 1 year

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@umbrx asked: 📃

If you slip in a little 📃 I will discuss one scenario that had been living in my head rent free (Still Accepting!)

Well, Nabi, since it’s you, I don’t have to fear talking about this scenario since you seem to like my obsessed!Hawkins BS and I know you love Bad Times, here’s a scenario that has been living in my head rent-free:

(CW for below the cut - nothing explicit but references to torture, sexual assault, and abuse)

Hawkins manages to capture Ikkaku on Wano about the same time Law turned himself over to save Shachi, Penguin, and Bepo. Hawkins, knowing his fated end is near unless he can get her to his side, keeps Ikkaku locked in his quarters. He makes her dress as the High Priestess, reads her cards and speaks of her past and present with shocking accuracy (talks about her dead twin, Law murdering Ushi, the Light Keeper stuff, etc), and basically tries his damnedest to make her believe in his fantasy that she’s destined to be at his side.

Ikkaku, of course, isn’t easily swayed, though she does find herself wavering a bit when he talks about how her belief in her captain made him powerful enough to kill eldritch gods, because how does he know that? But that’s still not enough to make a loyal, feisty gal like Ikkaku drink Hawkins' Kool-Aid, as it were, so she continues to defy him.

As a result, Hawkins snaps further. If he can’t get her to believe in him out of love, he’ll get that belief out of fear. He’ll make her believe he’s too powerful to die, even if he has to break her to do so. So the coercion turns to abuse. He beats her up, pins her down, gropes her, assaults her, probably even forces himself on her. Of course Ikkaku fights back at first, but there’s one problem - he’d anticipated potential harm, and thus had linked his life to Law using his Life Minus technique. So any harm Ikkaku tries to inflict on him to defend herself will be transferred to Law. This allows Hawkins to do as he wishes, because he knows Ikkaku could never hurt her captain, especially when she knows he’s already getting tortured in the prisons.

Later, when Hawkins goes back down to interrogate Law about the alliance’s plans in Wano, that’s when Law takes Hawkins out as in canon, though he isn’t aware of what Hawkins has done to his engineer. He was at least informed by Drake of her location though. Law gets to Hawkins’ room to find a bloody and beaten Ikkaku in the white High Priestess robes, though she’s instantly relieved to see Law. Law of course demands to know what Hawkins did to her, but Ikkaku, seeing Law’s own battered state and scared that Hawkins might manage to kill him or use her to hurt him, insists that it’s more important that they focus on escaping. They limp out together, Law already having strong suspicions of what happened but Ikkaku refusing to confirm anything until they’re far away because everything is too fresh and she’s too frightened and she just wants to go home to the Tang and feel safe again. Law absolutely wants to go back and actually kill Hawkins instead of just leaving him in pieces, but unfortunately the attack on Onigashima must take priority.

Later, during Killer’s fight with Hawkins, Ikkaku does briefly believe Hawkins can’t be killed because of his technique, and for a split second, he nearly gets what he wanted. That Light Keeper’s belief that could give Law the power to kill gods is in his grasp. His plans to avert fate and have his High Priestess’ powers fueling his quest to godhood are in his grasp.

But then Killer continues to fight for the sake of Kid, and he cuts off Hawkins’ arm, pointing out the flaw in the Life Minus technique. In this moment, Ikkaku is no longer in Hawkins’ thrall, because she 100% believes that the Massacre Soldier can kill Hawkins, especially when his captain’s life is on the line. Any power Hawkins might have gained due to her fear fizzles out, and Killer is victorious.

And THAT is how I weave this Hawkins obsession for Ikkaku bullshit into the canon story. *bows*

#umbrx #Working of the Mind (headcanons)#High Priestess and Magician - Hawkins x Ikkaku #Engine's Pulse (Ikkaku)#Major Arcana (Hawkins)#Oh Captain My Captain (Law)#Murder Man (Killer)#torture mention cw #assault mention cw #(Nabi you indulged my love for the Hawkins stuff so here you go. I went HAM for you)#(I'll never be able to play it out so I don't feel back about basically spoiling how the whole thing would end)#(don't get me wrong Law would absolutely want to go back and murder Hawkins but I can't take Killer's best moment away from him!)#(he deserves to murder Hawkins!)

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weizhiyuan · 2 years

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I had written a post that Vegas & Pete’s relationship remind me of femininity and I was asked to elaborate more so here I go!

(Warning that I’ll mention things like rape and torture here btw!)

First I should clarify that when I say feminine, I don’t mean girly. Instead I’m referring to a certain genre of women’s sexual fantasies.

These are the transgressive fantasies, which contain things like rape or torture and so on. Of course, when people fantasize about these things it’s not because they want it happening to them in real life but in a sexual setting there can be a multitude of reasons why they’re pleasurable.

Anyone can have a transgressive fantasy, but these specific types about rape or force are interesting when it comes to women. Historically women have been/are shamed for expressing their sexuality, and one reason behind why they might have these fantasies is because it takes away the fault for women to be sexual. If you’re in a setting where someone’s forcing you do to something, then you can’t be to blame for partaking in it (whether you enjoy it or not)! In the book My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies it’s worded nicely like this:

So in the same way the woman can’t be blamed, Pete can’t be to blame for being in a setting where he’s forced to do something (something he also enjoys). Although Pete hasn’t been raped (yet? lol), his situation is the fantasy that women might put themselves in.

Maybe it’s just me but certain shots where Pete’s meant to be tortured look awfully sexual as well. I mean… he’s (nearly) naked…. Vegas even attempts to assault him + does other vaguely sexual things to him… you get it. It’s not something he should enjoy but he does. His face betrays him so obviously here lol

And he’ll continue to betray what he “should” do even more as he falls for Vegas.

Fans of vegaspete have talked about Pete’s masochism quite a bit in different variation which reminds me of another paragraph from My Secret Garden that I came across trying to find the previous one:

In this case Pete might be similar to the women in the earlier part of the paragraph. Rather than having the “choice” to fantasize about this, he’s put in a situation where someone has more power over him, a situation resembling these fantasies. I’ve also been focusing mainly on Pete in this thought, but on the other end there’s Vegas which might fit the fantasy of wanting to dominate in some way, to have power over someone else. Which could be the other direction that the book refers to, but admittedly like I said I’ve given that aspect less thought.

It’s also interesting to think about the audience then. Like why someone might like vegaspete less because they dislike the content rather than focusing on the emotion it evokes. The show (& novel) certainly makes it more complex too because Pete is a compassionate character and we’re given Vegas’ backstory to care about him more etc. so their relationship isn’t just sexual of course, nor is it meant to be viewed solely as one.

In fact, I understand why I’ve seen people say they even want to ignore that Vegas was likely about to rape Pete or are excited about a consenting relationship between them and so on. Even BOC understands this and has changed the relationship from the novel so it’s not as “bad” because it’s harder to root for someone/a couple who keeps doing bad things. It’s a different “better” perspective morally, but it also contradicts this fantasy which isn’t about morals but instead about feeling. Still, that aspect is just so noticeably reminiscent of these types of fantasies that women have to me.

Anyway, I generally find human sexuality really interesting so I think it’s fun to look at them at this angle. Thank you to @fanfictionroxs & @sunsoothed for asking me to expand! I’d be interested to hear other people’s thoughts on this as well :-)

#kinnporsche #vegaspete #sorry this took a while to write I have some friends over so I was a bit busy hehe #but ya I’ve been thinking this for a while so I hope it comes out right the way I’ve written it!#also lowkey it’s like 3am so if someone comments and I don’t respond for a while. i probably passed out Lol #i think tumblr is hiding this post </3 rip #b.txt

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miss-writes-a-lot · 2 years

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@ozqrowweek Day 2 - Corruption

(Back with more angst with Corruption. This takes place in an Ozpin is alive but for some reason Oscar is still there during the episode 'Witch' with a few adjustments and...'additions', I should say.)

Pairing(s): Oz/Qrow

Prompt: corruption

Warning(s): Angst, violence, implied torture, injury, bad writing, Salem

___________

“...Oz…Oz…OZ!”

Ozpin’s eyes shoot open. Qrow is standing in front of him, heavy bags under his eyes and salt and pepper hair a mess. Oscar and, surprisingly, Emerald Sustrai, are undoing his restraints while Hazel watches from the side, constantly checking the entrance to the torture room.

“Q…Qrow?” He croaks.

“Oz– oh shit– Gods, Oz, what did she do to you?”

“What…what are you doing here?”

Qrow’s brows furrowed. “What – what do you mean, ‘what am I doing here?’ I’m here to save you!”

“We’re here to save you,” Oscar corrects him, “And it would help if you weren’t so loud, y’know?”

Qrow rolls his eyes. He keeps a steady hand on Ozpin’s face. His vision is a distorted mess of colors and wiggling shapes. His arms are numb from having them tied in the same position for nearly an entire day. Qrow undoes his restraints and he falls head first into his chest.

“Easy, Easy, Oz.”

“You…you shouldn’t be here…” He croaks.

“Yeah, well we are.”

“E-even after…everything?”

Qrow stops, lending him his shoulder for support. “Yeah…yeah. And don’t ask why. You already know the answer. Just…stop talking until you get your strength back, ‘kay?”

He nods.

“The coast is clear, but I doubt it will be for long,” Hazel says.

“Thank you, Hazel…”

Hazel frowns. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for the boy.”

“R-right…”

“We have to get going now. Hazel and I will show you the way out, but you need to stay close so my illusion can hold properly. It’ll already be a bitch to do thanks to Mr. Magic Man and his insane aura giving away our location.” Emerald explains, not too pleased with the situation.

“I don’t think he’ll be much of an issue with how he is right now,” Oscar says, earning a glare from Qrow, “What? I’m being honest here!”

“Let’s. Go.”

“Alright, Tick Tock. Let’s get moving.”

Qrow slings Ozpin’s arm over his shoulders as the group jogs out of the torture room and into the crimson hallway. Emerald activates her illusion as they try to race for the exit. Ozpin vaguely feels the presence of three unique auras coming from the adjacent hallway. It thankfully isn’t Salem but the whale houses many of Salem’s dedicated followers still roamed the inner walls.

“Someone’s coming…”

“Salem?”

“No, it’s–”

A head of fiery blonde hair comes into view. Then the gold of Jaune Arc’s shield, and then the sheath of Lie Ren’s dagger. The trio stops in front of Emerald. Yang glares at her. “You!”

Emerald puts her hands up. “W-wait, don’t shoot! I’m not gonna hurt you!”

“Yeah, as if I’d believe that!” Her eyes glow a harsh red as she loads Ember Celica with bullets and prepares for an assault.

Ozpin slips out of Qrow’s grasp and falls forward, “Wait!”

He falls out of Emerald’s illusion and onto the flower. Yang is taken aback. “Ozpin?”

Emerald’s illusion falls, revealing the party behind the former foe. Oscar dives to pick up Ozpin and Qrow steps around them. “Heya, kids.”

Their mouths fall open in surprise. “Qrow?! What are you doing here?”

“Saving Oz and Oscar. What are you doing here?”

“The…same thing you are?” Jaune replies.

A heavy sigh escapes Qrow as he shakes his head. “I swear, I can't leave these kids alone for a second.”

“Is everyone okay?”

“We’re fine, but we need to get out of here before Salem finds us!"

The hairs on the back of Ozpin's neck stand at attention as a horrible feeling slice through his stomach.

She's coming.

He jumps up, musters up all the magic within his bones, and casts a protective bubble around the group just as a blast of dark magic strikes. The attack shatters the bubble the second it hits, knocking everyone across the floor. They all scramble to get up but hands emerge from the ground and pull them back down.

Ozpin can't bring himself to look up as he feels Salem's overwhelming aura approaches them.

She tsks, "Even after all these years, you're still causing me such trouble."

She's towering over him now. She reaches down and brings his head up with her cold, pale hand. He shuts his eyes. He can feel her eyes burning his eyelids.

“What’s the matter, Ozma? Can’t look at me, can you? Think you’re still so high and mighty that you can’t even look at your own wife?”

“You’re not my wife and I am not Ozma,” He says.

She cuts his cheek with her nail. He winces. “You really think playing these games will help you, Ozma? Do you find enjoyment in causing those you love such pain?”

That gets him to open his eyes. Her face is mere centimeters from his. Her dark eyes are fiery with a millennium's worth of hatred and rage. He looks around and sees his companions struggling on the floor, fighting against the Grimm's hands. Qrow has one around his face. His hand has a fierce grip on Harbinger but he can’t raise his arm and he can’t fire it without injuring the others.

“Please…stop. This has nothing to with them!”

“You should have thought of that before you decided to come back,” She pulls him close until their foreheads touch, “Why do you keep coming back?”

“Why do you?!”

Ozpin’s heart sinks to his stomach as Salem slowly turns to face Yang. “What was that, girl?”

Yang glares daggers at her, “Why do you get to come back?! All of this endless death because something bad happened to you once upon a time? Nobody gets a fairy-tale ending. Everything I've lost, every person I've lost is because of you!”

“And who is it I’ve taken from you, girl?”

Her eyes well with tears, “Summer Rose. My mother.”

The room goes dead quiet. Salem tilts her head to the side, a small but satisfied smile curling on her lips. “Hm…her again.”

Ozpin’s ears ring. He sucks in a deep breath before he charges his hands and swings his fist into her cheek. She flies across the room and crashes into the wall. The hands release his captured friends as he hits the ground.

“OZ!” Qrow yells. He runs to his lover but another hand appears out of the darkness and pulls him and Jaune back.

“NO!”

Salem, her spine bent backward, emerges from the falling debris with both of them in hand. Their bodies contort in agony as the color from their bodies drains until they are as stark white as Salem’s. The veins etch onto their skin soon after as the whites of their eyes pool with black.

Qrow’s hand stretches out to them, tears running down his face. “G…go…”

Ozpin’s heart shatters as Salem lets them fall limp onto the floor. They are still for a few seconds before they rise robotically. Pale, scarred skin, dark emotionless eyes, blank expressions. Salem slips a hand on each of their shoulders, a smirk full of malice curling on her lips.

“They’re mine now, Ozpin.”

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percontaion-points · 9 months

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Firstlife chapter 18

Today’s review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 18

Archer is shouting so loudly, his voice is echoing from the trees. “Well, I adored you. I loved you. But you changed, and not for the better. You turned everything into a battle. And even back then, I understood.”

I ship Archer/Killian. It isn’t even about seducing women; it’s about getting back at their ex-boyfriend.

“If Killian fails to sign you, he could be decommissioned. You get that, don’t you?”

Again, how the fuck is that Ten’s problem?

“But, Ten...while you were at the asylum...when she left your father and remained in seclusion, even refusing to come see you...she had a baby.”

Did I call it or what?

Women are usually sterilized a year after giving birth to their first—and only—child. Time to ensure the baby survives infancy.

So if the child gets hit by a car or gets cancer? Then what? Do they reverse the procedure and allow her to have a second?

BTW, I love how they have all of this FUTURE TECHNOLOGY, but have yet to uncover the truth behind SIDS.

“What’s his name?” The words are whispered. I don’t want to wake him.

“Jeremy Eleven Lockwood.”

Ten’s parents are clearly not mentally well if they’ve named their kids Ten and Eleven.

“Ten!” My father’s voice echoes off the walls.

Chapter 18 summary: With the threats eliminated, Ten collapses, but Killian catches her. He and Archer start fighting over how Killian took out the last guy with a gun. Archer says that they could have questioned him, but that Killian is terrified for Ten to find out that Myriad sent them, because then she wouldn’t sign with the people who are TRYING TO MURDER HER.

Killian tells Ten that he’ll get her to see her mom before it’s too late. He then kisses her (against her will, I might add. Yay sexual assault!), but in doing so, pushes a sleeping pill into her mouth, which knocks her out.

When she wakes up, she’s in a tent with the Myriad agent Killian had previously shot. Elena tells Ten that Killian fought for more time to convince Ten to sign with Myriad, so if she fails to sign, Killian will be put through his second death. The only confusing part about this is why Ten gives a shit.

She stabs Elena in the “shell shut-off spot” behind the ear, and goes outside. She realises that Killian must have driven all night, because they’re outside her family home. Archer shows up and says that her mom had a baby in secret; not even her father knew about this. This comes as a surprise to literally everybody, since women are supposed to get their tubes tied a year after having their first child.

Inside, Ten finds a strange lady cradling the baby, while her mom rests in bed. The baby is introduced as Jeremy, and he looks like he’s on death’s door. The woman says that the mom didn’t know she’d been poisoned when she’d breastfed Jeremy, and now he’s dying, too. Archer promises Ten that when Jeremy dies, he’ll personally escort him to Troika so that he can grow up without interference. And then allow the child to decide which side he wants to be on.

From the bed, the mom begs Ten to help her brother, to let him choose his own fate. That the dad went and stuck his dick into the mistress because he wanted to avoid being punished due to a breach of contract (a failure to provide a child). But it’s only on death’s door does mom realise that she fucked up in her treatment of her first child. Not simply the torture (although that’s a huge part of it) but in simply expecting Ten to blindly go along with whatever she demanded of her. Ten begins to wonder if her dad is the one who ordered her killed, right as daddy dearest shows up.

#Firstlife #Everlife series #chapter 18 #Archer Prince #Killian Flynn #I ship it #Tenley 'Ten' Lockwood #i have no sympathy for you #shitty parents are shitty #what the fuck #shitty society is shitty

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britswriting · 1 year

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Desire (47)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

RATED MATURE

Halfass edited because this chapter was a lot for me..

Warning: This chapter contains sensitive topics such as mentions of r*pe, including getting a r*pe kit done, filing a report and the mental torture afterwards. There will be sensitive wording and graphic visuals - I do not write the scene when it happens. This chapter is the aftermath. - I do my best to not make it extremely detailed.

If this topic is too close to home or too sensitive, please take care of yourself first, and don't read it.

This chapter also contains talk of drug and alcohol addiction, mention of abortion

Hotlines:

National Sexual Assault hotline: 1-800-656-4673

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call: 800-799-7233, Text: START to 88788

Suicidal help hotline: Call or text: 988 or go to your local ER!

*Leighton's POV*

I laid there, my eyes staring at the ceiling as tears ran down my face, afraid to move.

Being alone was almost worse.

I felt numb.

Like I had my life ripped away from me in the span of 5 minutes.

20 minutes later, I got up, walking uncomfortably, grimacing when I felt liquid go down my leg.

Tears ran down my face as I wobbled to the bathroom, finding a towel to cover myself up.

I realized I couldn't leave the room in just a towel, knowing just how many strangers were out there, and Colby had my phone.

I sat on the bathroom floor, sobbing as the actions and words repeated in my head, feeling frozen and helpless.

I wanted to shower, but I couldn't wipe his DNA off of me just yet.

I needed to find clothes, and get to the hospital to do a rape kit, meaning I had to stay covered in his touch.

I hated this.

I heard a knock on the door, my body freezing.

"Leighton?" Sam called out from the hallway, my heart racing as the tears fell quicker.

I stayed silent, not wanting him to see me like this, but I really needed clothes.

A loud cry echoed off the bathroom walls, the bedroom door opening, Sam jiggling the bathroom doorknob.

"Leighton?! Leighton?! Open the door!" He begged, struggling with the door handle, but I just let out another sob, too scared to move.

One way or another the door opened, a frantic Sam standing in front of me.

The second he saw me crying, he ran over to me, falling to his knees.

"Don't touch me!" I quickly got out, curling closer to the wall.

"What? Leigh-"

"No! Don't get your DNA on me!" I cried, wanting to protect him from being a possible suspect.

"Leighton, what's going on?" He asked, freezing in front of me, his eyes widening at the fact that I was naked, my arms covering my breasts, his eyes immediately looking back at my own, keeping them there.

"I need... I need clothes" I panted, my eyes glossy as I looked over at him, hating the look he was wearing on his face right now.

"Okay, uh.. here" He stood up, pulling his shirt off and handing it to me, but then I realized that his shirt would have his DNA on it.

I couldn't risk that.

I bit my lower lip, biting the bullet and getting up, my nose wrinkling at the cold air that hit the dried cum on my thighs.

I wanted to die.

Sam kept his eyes on the ground whilst handing me the discarded towel letting me walk past him, slipping on the shorts and top, my nose wrinkling as memories played through my head.

"Leighton, I'm going to go find Colby, are you going to be okay here?" He asked, my eyes widening.

"Don't!" I yelled, startling him.

"What? Why? Leigh-"

"No! If you get Colby I'll never talk to you ever again!" I threatened, not being able to imagine having to face him right now.

Just thinking about what he’ll think of me sent me spiraling.

"Leighton" he frowned, but I held my ground.

"Don't Sam!"

"Leigh, we have to"

"You don't have to do anything!"

"Why don't you want to tell him? What even happened?" He asked again, his worried eyes scanning my face, making my heart race and my skin crawl.

"He'll hate me!" I cried, falling into a crouching position, feeling the burn between my legs as my muscles stretched, my hands covering my face.

I'm sure my makeup was smeared, if not running down my face, staining my skin.

I looked and felt like a monster.

"Fine" He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, staring at me. "Will you tell me what happened?" He asked, my eyes burning as I looked away, feeling ashamed.

I wanted to hide.

"Do you have your phone?" I mumbled, wiping under my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Uh, yeah, here" he fished it out of his pocket, handing it to me.

I called for an uber, trying my best to keep my shit together, Sam's eyes never leaving me.

The uber would be here in 20 minutes, so I gave Sam his phone back.

"Will you tell me what happened?" He asked quietly, sitting down on the floor across from me, his arms cradling his legs, his hands draped in front of his knees.

I shook my head, my eyes closing as I tried not to cry, only to have them pop back open, the darkness making it the perfect space for the horror movie to replay.

I looked over at Sam, the tears falling hot and heavy as he sympathetically looked over at me.

"Fuck it" he muttered, scooting over to me and pulling me into his arms.

The second I was wrapped up in his arms, my body shook as I cried hard into his chest, Sam holding me close, letting me cry as he comforted me.

"It's going to be okay Leighton" He said soothingly, his hand running over my hair.

He let us sit in silence as I cried, holding " close until his phone rang, letting me know my uber was here.

Sam refused to let me go alone, trying once more to get me to get Colby, softly arguing with me when I refused.

We walked into the ER and I felt like everyone was staring at me.

Like they knew.

"Hi, how may I help you?" The man asked and I instantly recognized him as the same man I spoke to a year prior.

He's going to think I'm off my rocker.

"I uh..." I bit my lip, glancing towards Sam.

Shit.

"I need to have a uh..." I glanced again, the receptionist looking over at Sam, Sam now looking at me, confused.

"I need a rape kit" I gulped, refusing to look over at Sam, already knowing he has a million questions.

"Okay" He said quietly, swiveling in his chair, leaving the room.

"Leigh-" Sam started but I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Leighton" he tried again, but I cut him off.

"Don't" I muttered, rubbing the fallen tear away, taking a deep breath and letting my fingers harshly grasp the edge of the counter.

The receptionist came back with a nurse, who was holding a box.

"Ms. Fox?" She asked and I nodded, shaking the nerves out. "Come on back. Would you like him to join you?" She asked, Sam whispering "please Leigh" to me, but I shook my head.

I followed behind her, being taken into a private, enclosed exam room.

"Hi Leigh, I'm Renae Fisher, I will be going over this form with you, checking boxes, taking your story, asking questions. If at any point you need to stop, you don't want to do something or you want to be done, let me know" she gave me a soft smile, grabbing a pen.

I nodded, sitting down on the exam table.

"First question, would you like DNA samples from your clothes taken?" She asked and I nodded. "I uh.. this sucks, but I'll need verbal consent for the answers"

"Yes, I would like DNA samples taken" I said quietly, Ms. Fisher nodded, checking a box before standing up.

She grabbed a few things from a closet, setting them down.

"When I do this list, I start here first.. because a lot of the time you don't want to stay in them.." she explained and I nodded, carefully watching her move around the small room. "So this plastic bag has basically clips on it, when you change, you will put the clothing items into this bag, clip it shut and leave it next to the sink for collecting. Would you like a full body exam? Things like photographs of possible injuries, combing and swabbing for DNA, vaginal or anal exam for tips, tears, bleeding etcetera" She asked, pausing when she heard me sniffle. "Take your time. We're in no rush" She said quietly, sitting down on the stool.

"Yes, I'd like it done" I whispered, wiping away tears.

"Okay... I will leave this hospital gown with you to change into for the exam, and once we're done I have some sweats and a hoodie for you to wear if you'd like?"

"Okay, thank you"

She left me alone to change, before coming back in with a woman in a white coat.

"Leighton Fox?" She asked and I nodded. "Hello Leighton, I'm doctor Vixen, I will be examining you today whilst Ms. Fisher takes notes. I understand you'd like a full exam?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes" I corrected, Dr. Vixen washes her hands before slipping on the exam gloves.

Ms. Fisher had me give my statement in as much detail as I could, pausing multiple times as I cried, shook and struggled to breathe at certain points.

The exam started and I stared at the ceiling, trying to imagine I was just at the gynecologist for my annual appointment, but then I started thinking about when I was pregnant with Gemma, and it sent me into a full panic spiral.

Once the exam was done, everything in tight sealed containers, being put into the box, Dr. Vixen turned towards me.

"The man in the waiting room that you arrived with has been hounding our receptionist to see you... Correlation?" She asked and I frowned, hating that I somehow got Sam involved in my mess.

"He's my uh.. friend. Found me.. you know?" I mumbled, Dr. Vixen nodding.

After a three hour exam, I was happy to change into the dark gray sweatpants and sweatshirt.

They allowed me to shower, and I scrubbed my skin raw, trying to wash away the memories, but it wasn't working.

Nothing was working and I ended up sobbing in the shower, my hand slapping the wall. Ms. Fisher came in to ask if I was okay, only to end up holding me in the shower as I cried.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I was at myself.

All of the should've could've and would've's played through my head like a broken record, each scenario making me fall apart over and over and over again.

I closed my eyes and pictured him above me. I sat in silence and heard all of the derogatory terms. I crouched to sit down, feeling the aches and pains, knowing I had tearing from my exam.

They said I had dried blood on my vaginal folds, and even that knowledge alone ruined me.

He ruined me.

Every movement hurt worse than the last, but the mental torture had nothing on the physical reminders.

Dr. Vixen asked if I wanted to file a police report and submit my rape kit exam, which lead me to talking to multiple police officers, completely forgetting about Sam who was in the lobby, or Colby back at the party, whom still had my phone.

Talking with police felt like I was trapped in quick dry concrete.

By the time I was released, it was 5 in the morning, and Sam was still sitting in the chair, bloodshot eyes and a twitching leg, scrolling through his phone.

"Can you call an uber please?" I asked, startling him.

His eyes shot over to look at me, quickly jumping out of the chair and pulling me into a hug.

"You're okay!" He breathed out, my body stilling at his touch, Sam letting go of me. "I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed, his appearance looking wild.

I stayed quiet whilst he called the Uber, thankfully reading the room that I didn't want to talk about it.

We were sitting in the Uber on the way back to my apartment, when it dawned on me that Sam's been alone for like 5 hours.

"Please tell me you didn't tell Colby" I begged, Sam looking over at me from his phone.

"Leighton.."

"Sam!"

"I didn't tell him" He confessed, a breath of relief falling from my lips as I looked away, watching the world pass by as the sun started to rise. "He's been texting everyone, asking where you are" He muttered, my heart clenching at the thought.

I stayed silent the entire ride, my eyes prickling with tears here and there as things flashed through my head, or as I thought about how I'm just supposed to move forward.

Sam walked me up to my apartment, and when I tried to thank him, and turn him away, he refused.

"I'm not leaving you alone, Leighton" He argued multiple times, getting me to cave and allow him in my home.

I slipped off my shoes, and immediately went to my bedroom.

I grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and some comfy pajama pants, reaching in my closet for a top, when I spotted one of Colby's sweatshirts he had left here.

My hand reached out, my fingertips grazing the material before abruptly yanking it away, feeling like my hand was on fire.

It felt wrong. Undeserving. Despicable.

Memories of Colby ran through my head as I stared at the plain blue sweatshirt, quickly shutting my closet door after grabbing one of my own hoodies.

How was I going to face him again? I betrayed him. He's going to hate me, and I deserved it.

I should've fought harder. I should've yelled louder.

How am I supposed to move forward? Go to work, and the store. Raise my toddler and love on my boyfriend?

Another man just like the one at the party could be around any corner, at any time.

I immediately wanted to throw up at the idea of confessing to Colby what happened.

I sat on the tile floor, sobbing after emptying my stomach, my throat on fire and my eyes burning like I've had tear gas.

I can't face him again. I can't tell him.

I had been given a morning after medication, to hopefully prevent the unimaginable from happening which of course went me into a spiral.

What if I did get pregnant? What if I had to carry that monster's child?

My mind immediately went to abortion, only making me feel even more like a shitty person.

I couldn't help but think about how I had thought about giving Gemma away, and how I couldn't do that to this baby, even if it was from rape.

I understood what it was like to care for life...

I won't get pregnant, right?

I stood under the running water, scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing at my skin, still trying to get rid of his touch. His words. His smell.

I saw red tinted water go down the drain, my eyes immediately scanning my body, seeing that my thighs were bleeding from how hard I had been scrubbing my skin, already being red and irritated from my previous shower.

I couldn't wash him away.

I guess I was crying pretty loudly because Sam ended up knocking on the door, asking if I was okay, and when he didn't get a response, I heard the bathroom door open.

"I'm not looking!" He announced, which did make me laugh a little, trying to gain my breathing under control.

The bathroom had a shower curtain, so the fact that he announced that he wasn't looking made me giggle.

"Are you okay?" He asked again, my eyes caught on watching the blood run down the shower drain.

"I'm okay" I mumbled, Sam not being able to hear me over the rushing water.

"Leighton? What can I do to help you? What do you need?" He asked, my heart dropping to my stomach as I exhaled, hating how worried he sounded.

I stayed quiet, not sure what he could do to help, I heard some movement, expecting him to leave me alone, but then his wrist maneuvered around the shower curtain, the water hitting the palm of his hand.

I stared down at his hand, confused.

"Grab my hand Leighton"

"Why?"

"Just do it"

I carefully sat down, my hand grabbing his.

The second our hands clasped together and he squeezed, I felt my chin quiver.

My fore fingers wrapped around the side of his hand, our thumbs hitting each other's knuckles, the sound of the running water being the only noise in the bathroom.

My head fell into my knees, feeling tears rush down my face again, Sam speaking up, "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay" my body was shaking, which I knew he could feel as my hand rattled in his, his hand squeezing mine again.

I sat in that shower until the water ran cold, our hands going limp against each other.

I reached up to turn the shower off, my body shaking from how cold I was.

I peaked my head around the shower curtain, seeing the back of Sam's head leaning against the corner of the wall, his arm behind his back.

"Sam?" I mumbled, his head turning to look at me, his eyes bloodshot red.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry" I whispered, Sam shaking his head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for"

"I do" I disagreed, letting go of his hang and ringing out my hair.

Sam shook his head, reaching forward for a towel, passing it to me.

I carefully wrapped it around my body, hissing in pain when the cotton rubbed against my skin.

Sam offered me his hand, helping me out of the shower.

"Leighton" He frowned, my face scrunching up.

"What?"

He nodded towards my arms.

I looked down, seeing they were fire red.

"Oh"

"Do you have lotion?" He asked and I nodded, grabbing some out of the bathroom drawer.

Sam left me to change, coming back in to help me with the lotion, both of us staying quiet.

I carefully rubbed it on my thighs, Sam rubbing my arms, trying to soothe the skin, when the buzzer for the apartment kept repeatedly going off.

With a quick wash of the hands, Sam exited the bathroom, leaving me to slowly rub in the lotion, wincing at cursing at certain areas. His head popped back in, his eyes wide. "It's Colby" he breathed out and I sighed.

"Let him up" I mumbled, Sam nodding and I pushed the bathroom door shut, locking it.

I noticed the bruises on my hips from being held down, the pad of my thumb softly brushing over them, a frown on my face.

The knock on the bathroom door made me jump out of my skin, my head playing through when Sam had knocked on the bathroom door at the rental house.

"Leighton?! Baby?" Colby sounded frantic, the knocking on the door getting louder, not a second passing before his knuckles hit the wood. "Babe? Please unlock the door! Please Leighton, please!" he begged, my body instinctively shoving myself further away.

My shoulder blades hit the wall, and I groaned.

I had nowhere else to go.

"Please tell me you're okay! You've been missing for 8 hours Leighton!" He yelled and I winced, tears prickling my eyes.

"Colby, calm down before someone calls the cops!" Sam warned, Colby not caring as he repeated his actions, except this time he was starting to sound angry.

"Leighton you're being immature! Just tell me you're okay!" He called out and I heard some rustling followed by, "Stop yelling at her!" In a low upset tone.

Tears fell down my face as I realized he was mad at me.

"You've been with her this entire fucking time, and you didn't fucking tell me?!" I heard Colby practically growl at Sam, a shuffling noise being heard outside the bathroom.

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!" Sam snapped and I covered my ears with my hands, trying to down out all the noise as my heart raced.

"WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE WITH HER?! IT'S BEEN EIGHT HOURS SAM!" Colby yelled, his voice sounding loud yet muffled.

"It wasn't my fucking place to tell her!" Sam said back, my face contouring in pain as the hot tears rolled down my jaw, my skin burning as I moved.

"Like hell it was! She's been missing for eight hours! My girlfriend fucking disappeared and I have her phone! Did you expect me to be calm, cool, and collected?!"

"If you were so fucking worried, where have you been the past eight hours huh?! WHERE WE YOU!"

"TRYING TO FIND HER!"

"AND HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO FUCKING NOTICE SHE WAS MISSING, HUH?! HOW LONG COLBY?!"

"I don't fucking know! Maybe an hour? I figured she was mingling with people, the same way I was"

"Do you know how much can happen in an hour Colby?" Sam grumbled.

"What? — Leigh, please open the door!" He tried again, his palm hitting the surface.

"Stop hitting the door!" Sam shouted, more rustling noises heard.

I wiped my face, my hands shaking as my nose dripped.

"Don't fucking talk to me right now! — Leigh? Baby? Please?" He tried again, my hands clutching the counter, refusing to look at the mirror.

I slipped my sweatshirt over my head, covering my arms, my face scrunching up when the fabric rubbed against my skin.

"Go away" I muttered, my throat feeling raw from how much I've cried.

"For fuck sake, you're being immature!"

"Colby!" Sam hissed.

"Shut up Sam, Leighton, if you have a fucking problem, be an adult and talk to me!"

"Please go away" I said a little louder, my hands still shaking as I turned on the facet.

"Leigh-"

"GO AWAY!" I screamed, hearing both of them go quiet, a sob rippling through my throat, feeling like my vocal cords had lacerations.

"Baby? Please tell me what's wrong" He begged, his knuckles softly hitting the door.

I sat back down on the bathroom floor, hissing out in pain, leaning against the door as my head hung low.

I was to tired, but every time I closed my eyes, horrible things flashed through my head.

I listened to Sam and Colby argue, Colby demanded I open the door, his pitch changing each time.

He sounded angry, desperate and sad.

"I didn't spend eight hours looking for you, for you to tell me to go away, Leighton Rae!"

You cheated on him. He hates you.

He said his only expectation was that you stayed loyal to him.

I drifted in and out of sleep, my body jolting forward every time I got a little too close to giving in.

I would fall asleep, only to be jolted awake over and over and over again.

My eyes stung as I groaned, pushing myself off the floor, my back killing me.

I scrunch my face up in pain when I peed, carefully wiping, my chin quivering as I remembered why I was in pain.

The way he felt. The way he smelled. The way his voice sounded.

It'll haunt me forever.

When I unlocked the bathroom door, Sam was laying on my bed, asleep.

I left him alone, finding my work uniform.

Life goes on.

Work was incredibly long. I kept looking over my shoulder, jumping at people's voices and ended up crying on my break.

I got sent home early, my manager telling me to not come back until I got my shit together.

I tried to distract myself with Gemma, and it worked for a while, until we got home and I put her to bed.

Landon had gone on some sort of trip with Xander, meaning I was left in the quiet apartment by myself.

My phone was charging, and I saw there was a text from Sam, saying he was coming over and I didn't know how to feel.

I wanted to be alone, but I also knew that if I was alone, my demons might win.

I threw myself into cleaning before buzzing Sam up, Sam immediately pulling me into a hug.

"Thanks for staying last night" I murmured into his shirt. "Do you uh.. do you know where Colby went?" I asked, remembering that I never did see him when I left this morning.

"He uh.. he left" Sam said, sounding like he was afraid to tell me.

I froze, pulling away, my brow furrowed.

"Why?" I asked quietly, hating the look in his eye.

"You need to tell him Leighton" Is all Sam said, my head immediately shaking.

"No. He hates me! You heard him, he called me immature!"

"Leigh, he was worried" Sam tried to defend, but I shook my head.

"He left"

"You told him to go away" Sam softly argued back, following me into the kitchen.

"How am I supposed to tell him, Sam? He's going to be pissed! How am I supposed to look him in the eye and tell him I cheated on him?"

"You didn't cheat on him Leighton"

"Feels like I did"

"Leighton, consensual sex, and rape, are not the same thing. You did not happily sleep with someone else. You did not cheat on Colby" Sam said, and continued to say as I struggled with coming to terms with what had happened.

Sam and I ordered pizza, vegging out on the couch, Sam suggesting that we play Uno to distract me.

Halfway through the game, Gemma woke up and decided that sleep was not in the cards for tonight, so she sat in my lap, telling me what cards to play.

I couldn't help but feel my heart flutter when Sam ignored the fact that she was playing incorrectly, the two of us loving the giggles coming from the almost two year old as Sam pretended she royally screwed him over.

When my buzzer went off around 10pm, I gave Sam a weird look, carefully handing Gemma to him to go check the door.

Much to my surprise, Colby's voice came through the intercom, asking me to let him up.

I contemplated for a minute, but I knew they had to fly back home soon, so I buzzed him up and let my mind race as I waited by the door.

Nothing prepared me to be face to face with him at that moment.

The second I opened the door, Colby pulled me into a hug, not caring that my body turned to ice.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, letting me pull away.

"Tell you what?" I played dumb, tilting my head.

"Leighton"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were raped last night?" He asked and my stomach fell to my ass.

Fuck.

"How- How'd you.. How'd you know?" I stuttered.

"Police came to the house this morning" He said, my eyes going wide.

Shit.

"Said they were investigating a rape case" He said softly, my brow furrowing. "They wanted a list of everyone at the party"

"How did you know it was me? They can't.. they can't tell you that.. can they?" I asked.

"Leighton, I'm not stupid"

"I beg to differ" I muttered, Colby narrowing his eyes at me.

"I'm sorry, okay? Why would my first thought be that my girlfriend got raped when I can't find her? I don't understand why Sam was with you, and I wasn't"

"Colby, where were you?" I asked, leaning against the wall next to my kitchen, my arms crossed over my chest.

"What do you mean?"

"Whilst I was missing, where were you?"

He sighed, "I was drinking with Brennen, mingling with some people I had just met. I lost track of time. I expected you to come back and or thought maybe you got caught up in a conversation with someone like I had. Why would my first thought be, my girlfriend's being raped?"

"I don't know, maybe because I disappeared amongst a bunch of strangers? What if there was a murderer there!"

He let out a dry laugh, my heart racing.

He thought this was funny?

"Leighton, they were all influencers-"

"That doesn't mean shit, clearly!" I snapped, Colby sighing.

"I'm sorry"

"That doesn't mean shit to me anymore"

"What do you want from me?"

"Girls don't need princes to be okay, but sometimes I just want to feel like a princess" I muttered, turning on my heel back to the living room.

"Coco!" Gemma squealed, shoving herself off of Sam and launching her body at Colby.

"Hi G" He said softly, picking her up and kissing her cheek. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" He asked, Gemma's head tilting.

"Coco sad?" She asked, Colby nodding.

"Yeah, Coco's sad. Gem Gem happy?"

"Gah seepy" She mumbled rubbing at her eye.

"Wanna go sleep?" He asked, Gemma shaking her head which made him chuckle. "I think you do love bug" His nose nuzzled her cheek, Gemma shaking her head.

"Wit Coco" She mumbled, her little arms wrapping around his neck, holding him close.

"How about Coco goes to bed with you?" He offered, my heart melting as I watched their exchange.

"Mama?" Gem asked, her head lifting off Colby's shoulder.

"Yes baby?"

"Seep?"

"You can go to sleep baby"

She shook her head. "Wit Coco!"

I paused for a second, both of their blue eyes looking over at me.

Fuck.

Sam encouraged me to go, telling me he was going to head out and I sighed, following the two loves of my life to the nursery.

Gemma started to cry when Colby placed her in her crib, Colby saying "Lay down G and I'll read you a book, right here" which she frowned at.

"You want to pick the book?" I asked, praying to god she didn't pick the animal book.

It took Gemma probably five minutes to pick her book, surprising both Colby and I when she practically scaled her crib rails, launching her body over the safety rails and plopping on the mattress.

"Gemma Lorraine!" I gasped, my eyes wide as she giggled, staring up at us.

"Guess it's time to look into big girl beds" Colby murmured, sitting down on the floor by her crib.

"Absolutely not. She's still a baby" I disagreed, Colby pulling my hand to sit next to him.

Gemma laid on her stomach, looking at the picture book between the rails as Colby read to her softly, both of us falling asleep to his voice.

"Goodnight G, love you" I heard him whisper, my eye popping open to look at him, only to see his finger go between the rails and softly brush against the top of her hand.

I felt Colby kiss the side of my head before resting his head on mine.

"I love you Leighton Rae" He said quietly, his hand finding my knee, rubbing small circles.

"I love you Cole Robert" I grinned, giggling at the way it sounded which made him laugh.

"You're cute, you know that?" He snickered.

"Why? Because I think your name sounds weird?" I laughed, Colby pinching my side.

"Why do you think that?"

"It just.. it sounds so... harsh? And you're just so.."

"Just so?"

"You're like those chocolate bombs that have the hard exterior and the second they're cracked that liquid chocolates spills out"

"Did you just compare me to a food?"

"A yummy food" I grinned, turning to lean up, kissing near his jaw. "I'm sorry" I apologized.

He didn't sound like he hated me, or thought differently of me.

I felt my stomach flutter every time he looked at me or flip when he touched me.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked quietly, my eyes glancing towards my sleeping daughter, loving how peaceful she looked.

I hoped she stayed like that forever.

"Not telling you.. freaking out.. not fighting him harder" I mumbled the last part, looking away from him.

"Leighton Rae, you did nothing wrong" He said, pushing himself up off the ground, grabbing my hands and slipping under my armpits, pulling me up.

"Hey" I frowned, Colby pulling me up to my feet before hooking his arms under my thighs

Colby carried me to my room, plopping me down on the mattress and I immediately froze, expecting him to crawl on top of me, but instead he plopped down next to me, rolling me on top of him.

"Colby" I breathed out, startled by the quick movements.

"If you're uncomfortable, you can move, but I'd love to cuddle you for a moment" He said softly, his hands resting on the mattress.

I bit my lower lip, constantly reminding myself that this is my boyfriend.

"You're not mad at me?" I asked, my shoulder blades feeling tense.

"You could kill a man, and I wouldn't be mad at you"

"But I-"

"You didn't do anything, Leighton. Whomever did this to you is a piece of shit and they can rot in hell. I'm so incredibly sorry for not finding you faster, but I'm so fucking thankful Sam did. Do you know how much I hate myself for not saving you? For not being there? And then thinking you just dipped and were ignoring me.... Leighton, the moment I realized I had your phone, I panicked. The second I realized your actions correlated to what the police had come for... I saw red."

"Feels like it is" I whimpered, wanting the flashbacks to end, the voices in my head to shut up, but I could barely think straight from how loud it was.

"Tell me how this is your fault Leighton" He said, moving his hands above his hand, "I won't touch you... talk to me, please" He practically begged, my glossy green eyes not daring to look into his begging blue ones.

"I'm tired of crying" I grumbled, wiping at my face.

"It's okay to cry Leighton"

"I cry too much"

"You've been through too much baby"

"I feel...." I paused, looking down at my arms. "Dirty"

"Leigh" He frowned, but I couldn't look away from my skin.

I was sort of glad my tattoos covered my right arm. There was less skin to look at.

"I just.... he's all over me, you know? I can't get it off. The way he sounded and felt... is burned into my brain and skin. I can't.... It won't... fuck" I groaned, falling forward, the palms of my hand on either side of his head. "I don't want this to hurt me, again" I confessed, his baby blue eyes widening.

"Leigh" he whispered, but I shook my head, except before I could talk, Colby leaned up to kiss me.

Even with my body freezing, he kept his lips there for a second before pulling away, his eyes locking on mine.

"I'm sorry you've been through hell and back, multiple times" He said, his hands raising off the mattress before falling to his sides, a sigh leaving his lips.

"The doctor gave me uh... gave me the um... morning after.. pill" I told him, afraid to watch his eyes change, but they stayed the same.

"So he....?" He trailed off and I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Baby.. I'm so sorry" He apologized, his face showing extreme sympathy and I hated it. "So you've been......... before?" He asked and I sighed, wishing the horrific memories would go away.

"Do um... you remember Emma?" I asked, his eyes wide.

"Holy shit! She raped you?!"

I quickly shook my head.

"She would uh.. tease me, you know? About how I looked and shit. Typical girl shit... but then... she uh.. set me up? Not like a blind date, but... she wanted to like... prove a point that no boy would want me, you know? That I wasn't worthy, and that I deserved to do this and that and have horrible things happen to me. She ended up telling these.... these Italian boys.. that uh.. I was uh.. easy? 'Cause I was.. I was ugly? Like I was desperate for it, you know? I was like... 12 or 13? It was one of the last times I went. I remember... crying.. and screaming. They uh.. torture me? Not like.... like... abused me? But like... told me how I was this and that and the other thing and how I should be happy they even thought about fucking me. How I would finally have someone who would quote unquote, want me. They would say what they were going to do, and how it was their right and that I should feel thankful they weren't gonna leave me as a 20 year old virgin or some shit.. and they uh-"

"Leighton" he whispered, his eyes collecting tears so I looked away, needing to push through this.

"Logan uh came and rescued me basically. They didn't touch me" I finished, Colby letting out a breath of relief, his hand coming up to rub his eye. "When I first met Gabe... Emma tried multiple times to get with him when she came to visit. She actually succeeded sort've. A year or two into dating Gabe.. things were rough as you know and long story short... I was used as sexual trade basically for like crack and coke and shit. I had gone to this guy's house to buy weed you know? Dumb bullshit, and I uh.. I guess one of Gabe's friends had gotten coke off of him or something? And hadn't paid him back, and when he learned I was connected.." I paused, feeling my eyes sting, a singular tear rolling down Colby's face.

I took a deep breath, blinking away the tears, knowing I needed to get this out.

"I ended up getting a rape kit done and filing a report and such and he ended up getting a rape count on top of his drug charges and dealing and stuff.."

"Was it Gabe?" Colby asked, getting me to look back at him.

"Was what Gabe?"

"That bought the coke?"

I shook my head.

"Gabe didn't like giving sexual favors. He wasn't a fan of going down on me, or getting me to cum... I'm honestly shocked I got pregnant" I joked, trying to find the light where I could. "He kind of like... took what he wanted? It wasn't like I didn't give it to him. Like he stole it.. he just uh.. didn't care? He didn't like.. make me when I didn't want to.. but it isn't like he cared about my enjoyment of it? I sort of.. got used to it?" I tried to explain, not wanting to share my old relationship's sex details with my "new" boyfriend.

Colby stayed quiet and that concerned me.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked me softly, his face looking so incredibly sad, breaking my heart.

"You just did" I teased, a sad giggle leaving my lips as I sniffled.

Seeing a smile break through his sad face made my heart race, his small laugh making it even better.

"I love you" He said softly, almost like it was supposed to stay in his head, his eyes twinkling as they looked at me.

"I love you too" I giggled, loving the way he felt like home.

I kept looking into his eyes, and instead of horrible memories from the night before, there was memories of us over the past two years playing through my head.

His eyes looked so much different to my assaulter.

Sure both were blue, but the intent was different.

One was full of lust, and one was full of love.

"What's your question?"

"How do you continue to have sex after going through so much sexual trauma?" He asked apprehensively and let out an exhale, rolling off of him so I was laying next to him, taking his hand into mine, letting our intertwined hands rest on his chest.

"I believe it or not, enjoy sex. I like having sex, I like the intimacy of it. I like the passion and the pleasure. I uh.. in therapy worked on placing people to a trauma. I didn't want certain things ruined for me, and part of my steps was remembering it was a different person who did it. It wasn't the activity that held the memory, but the person. Gabe didn't like things I liked, and sort of made me feel bad about it. That wasn't my fault, or the fault of having sex, that was his fault. It took a while for me to want to engage in it, but I mean.. I love it now" I giggled, turning to look over at him, loving that I was slowly breaking his heartbroken expression.

"My addictions and traumas don't own me. They're a part of me, but they do not control me and it's taken me a while to learn and practice that. I mean, to be completely honest with you, I'm struggling with this whole... relationship thing and having a new traumatic experience.. but I'm trying really hard to not ruin this. Every bone in my body wants to push you away, but I know that's my demons talking. Please... please know that I love and want you. If I say or do hurtful shit.. I didn't mean to. I don't want to lose you because my demons can't control themselves"

"Leigh, if you were to lose me because of stupid things you've said or done, you would've lost me a long time" He teased, his fingers rubbing over my knuckles before bringing my hand up to his mouth, laying a sweet kiss against the back of my hand.

We laid there talking about nonsense for a little bit, my body snuggling close to his, Sam having texted Colby that had gone back to leave with Kat.

"Do you trust me?" He asked and I gave him a weird look.

"Were you not here this past hour?"

He laughed, shaking his head at me, "Do you trust me enough to take your clothes off?" He asked, my head tilting.

"Why? You don't want us to have sex, right?"

He shook his head.

"Then what?"

"Let me love you. I don't want to fuck you, or make you cum.. just.. let me love your body, please? I hate that the last person who touched you was someone who shouldn't have. You should be handled with care, and treated with love. Let me love you Leigh, please?" He asked, tears prickling my eyes yet again.

"You won't... touch me?" I asked, sadness cloudy his eyes.

"I won't touch anywhere you don't want me to. What are my boundaries baby?" He asked and it felt like fireworks were going off inside of my chest.

"Uh.. don't touch my vagina. I'm very sore. My ass is uh.. sore too. I have some bruises on my hips and ribs.. please don't press too hard or I might cry and uh.. my boobs hurt.." I listed, Colby's face falling but he stayed quiet, nodding.

"You can keep your underwear on baby, but can I take off your pants?" He asked and I nodded, lifting my hips, Colby kissing his way down my leg, slipping them off my ankles.

He then carefully took off the baggy tee, my hair getting caught, making him apologize and me laugh.

I grabbed my hair, letting him toss the shirt and his eyes fell on my chest.

I was worried he'd start asking questions, but he stayed quiet and just pressed his lips carefully against the tainted skin.

His lips moved up and down my body, pressing sweet pecks or open mouth kisses to certain areas, my eyes falling closed as he handled my body with care.

His nose ran up my navel to my sternum pressing a kiss against Gemma's name on my collarbone before kissing my jaw, my cheek and finally my lips.

"I love you so fucking much Leighton Rae Fox. You're a forever kind of thing baby" He whispered against my skin near my ear, chills running down my spin.

The pain is temporary, but his love is forever.

Love is forever.

* * * *

This chapter was hard to write, it took me a while...

Happy New Year!

I can't believe Colby is 26 now.. damn, time flies.

I'm not going to drag out the trauma effects of this. They will exist and be mentioned here and there, but it is not a new main focus. The book will "moved past this" but it will come up here and there over time. I don't want it to be a constant trigger warning plus right something so dark is hard to read let alone write.

Written on: December 30th, 31st 2022, January 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th 2023

Published on: January 4th 2023

Word Count: 7.2k

Part Forty Eight

#colbybrockimagines #colbybrockfanfiction #samandcolbyfanfictioin #samandcolby #colbybrock #wattpad #colbybrockwattpad

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