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Star Wars: Brotherhood by Mike Chen read-along, hardback edition

Part 1, chapters 1-10

Wherein I react as I read this novel. It's a Star Wars novel, there will be good, bad and ugly. You have been warned. Spoilers below.

Chapter 1

Skip. Explosion happens. Ruug is shocked.

Chapter 2

Pg 10, Opening words are: "Anakin Skywalker stood" where is he standing? Only the Shadow knows.

Pg 11, Now know that he's standing in the Temple courtyard under the Great Tree. I feel like this is a long time to wait before finding out where the POV character is. (this might be a me problem)

Pg 11, The Jedi are called "General" just because it's a convention the clones came up with?

Pg 11, Mentioning Siri Tachi.

Pg 11, Siri is present as a master to a new knight but nary a word about a certain Ferus Olin? For shame.

Pg 11, Jedi are temporarily rotating into an open Council position? Kinda feel like the Council would convene and, using the guidance of the Force, would elect a new member instead of trial a bunch of people, but whatever.

Pg 12, Anakin's emotions come from his...hands?

Pg 13, Anakin thinks he's the only Jedi to feel emotions.

Pg 13, Anakin thinks Mace hates him.

Pg 14, Jedi clap after Mace finishes his speech.

Pg 14, Obi-Wan is flustered when a politician doesn't show up on time. The man who doesn't trust and has distaste for politicians.

Pg 14-15, The Jedi invited politicians to attend the not-knighting, knighting ceremony. Why would they though? It's not a high school graduation, it's an advancement within a closed order.

Pg 15, The Jedi Council take Palpatine's emergency call in the middle of the ceremony, I assume for drama's sake. Then Yoda dismisses the onlookers except for all the random knights instead of taking the meeting private and deciding what to do after hearing the information like they do in the movies...

Pg 15, Obi-Wan has to remind Anakin that he's a knight now, I don't hate it but I'm not loving how it's done here or Anakin's reaction.

Pg 16, This chapter is finally done. I kind of don't know why we needed to even have Chapter 1 if all the information has to be revealed again later on. I also thought we spent way too much time in this chapter catching up on Anakin's backstory and him thinking about his life to this point. Kind of a dull start but let's hope it gets better.

Chapter 3

Pg 17, Obi-Wan reiterates that Anakin is his equal, seems unlikely for him to do that.

Pg 17, Obi-Wan is surprised Anakin might need a period of adjustment to make the transition from Padawan to Knight because he and Obi-Wan had argued so much in the past.

Pg 18, Obi-Wan doubts his own ability to temp as a Council Member.

Pg 18, Neutral systems apparently "Work with all sides" while remaining members of the Republic and Galactic Senate... (In my opinion, neutral systems in a civil war are more like Kansas during the US civil war and less like Switzerland during WWII, but whatever)

Pg 19, What "long, volatile history" does Anakin have with Neimoidians? Is this a reference to The Phantom Menace? Anakin was barely involved in the whole thing.

Pg 21, No one is waiting to see if the Neimoidians are asking for help with investigating this bombing before making plans to do so... And the Jedi apparently need to develop a strategy to propose to be approved by the chancellor and the Council before going into the field and learning about the disaster...

Pg 22, So, the Jedi have knighted everyone already months ago, but they have a post-knighting ceremony where they give pep-talks to the new knights for some reason like it's a high school graduation...

Pg 23, Padmé and her retinue just...come into the Temple? Like, she's just allowed in? Without an escort or anything? So she can attend Jedi High graduation? What? This is a closed monastic order, randos aren't allowed in the cloister!

Pg 25, Padmé calls Obi-Wan "Master Kenobi" but gives him no more personalized greeting even though it seems she hasn't seen him since Geonosis? By Episode III she's much more friendly to him and it seems strange to have her be so distant after all they went through together just a couple months ago.

Pg 25, Now Bail Organa is just...hanging around in the Jedi Temple too?

Chapter 4

Pg 27-29, Anakin takes Padmé on a hot date racing on an illegal track in the underbelly of Coruscant... This is what they decide to do the first time they see each other after getting married...what? (My kingdom for an EU book about Anakin that doesn't involve him getting into illegal races!)

Pg 29, Anakin is wearing a mechanics coat as a disguise but as a 9 year old on the outer rim he saw straight through Qui-Gon's poncho disguise so who does he think he's fooling?

Pg 29-30, Anakin is having some difficulty adjusting to his replacement arm, I like this thoughtfulness.

Pg 31, Padmé: "Let's grab something to eat instead of getting arrested." Good lord, the dialogue here is just...not it. Did the author only watch three episodes of the Clone Wars before writing this book?

Pg 31, Jedi are acting as medics?

Pg 31, I like Anakin reflecting on how his life might be if Qui-Gon hadn't found him.

Pg 32, Anakin and Padmé make fun of Obi-Wan's hair... Obi-Wan has traditional "knight" hair, throw a suit of chain mail on him and he's ready for an Aurthurian round table. Trish Bigger knew what she was about when designing his look for Episode II.

Pg 33, Padmé notices people's destitution, Anakin doesn't unless he really tries because she's so much more compassionate than the Jedi. The boy who grew up destitute and can feel people's emotions through the Force. That boy. Yeah.

Pg 33, "Anakin's own sun-dragon heart" well, that's a line for sure

Chapter 5

Pg 36, Dex was an information broker?

Pg 38, Obi-Wan is so naïve that he can't conceive that someone from "his side" would be behind the bombing, instead he jumps to conclusions instead of letting the Force guide...

Pg 39-40, Obi-Wan seems pretty dim here, he's asking Dex how he should conduct an investigation and how to manage the situation diplomatically, ugh

Pg 39-40, Dex brings up Satine for no real reason just to needle Obi-Wan on having a girlfriend in the past (sidenote: there needs to be a moratorium on giving Obi-Wan girlfriends, please Disney, he has too many!)

Chapter 6

Pg 42-43, Padmé eating space shawarma: "This is really, really, really, good. And, I don't want to know what's in it." What is this dialogue? Padmé is a senator not a valley girl.

Pg 44, Awww, Anakin gives Padmé his Padawan braid just like in the micro-series. ❤️

Pg 44, Why do all these authors keep referring to all children as younglings? In the movies the term was used for children at the Temple, not children in general, why do they keep doing it?

Sometimes this book isn't clear about who is doing what where. More than once I've had to reread a description of someone's actions multiple times to try and parse exactly what's happening. Help me out here Mr. Chen!

I do like that Padmé and Anakin at least seem to like each other unlike in some shows *cough* the Clone Wars *cough* so that's nice.

Chapter 7

Pg 52, Obi-Wan has to rely on thoughts of Qui-Gon to not lose his composure when speaking with Dooku...

Pg 52-54, Obi-Wan maneuvers himself into a terrible diplomatic situation so that highjinks may commence. *sigh*

Pg 55-56, Palpatine is asking for Padawans to be drafted and Mace says well, "We are at war" I swear some people have no respect for that man. Then Yoda says for Obi-Wan not to worry his little head about it and focus on the bombing and Obi-Wan takes it as a sign of faith in his abilities? Why is Obi-Wan so dumb here?

Pg 56, "Even Jedi had interpersonal conflicts" just, what? A monastic order where these knights regularly have to depend on each other for their lives and ya know, it's just like any workplace where people don't get along with the office Karen.

Pg 56, This chapter just won't let me gooooo. "A decade had passed since Obi-Wan handled the responsibility [of teaching younglings]...and he cringed a bit inside. It quickly turned into a grin at the thought of Anakin Skywalker...the Chosen One, the young man who charged headfirst into Count Dooku's lightning attack, now headed toward the biggest challenge of his life." This whole paragraph is just...yikes. If this was supposed to be funny it did not manage that.

Chapter 8

Pg 58-59, Temple droids *sigh* "Professor Huyang" *sigh* Random little girl who we don't even know the age of *sigh* Referencing lots of Padawans dying at Geonosis despite none actually being there *sigh* Female zabrak with horns *sigh*

Chapter 9

Everyone is still at the Temple btw, almost 10 chapters in and we are still not on an adventure.

Pg 63, Anakin reconfigures Temple screens to show podracing... something he never so much as mentions after Episode I.

Pg 63, Referring to the place where the Jedi take their meals as the refectory like in a monastery is good, I like it.

Pg 64, Anakin telling childish lies about changing the screens to show podracing... am I supposed to believe that Anakin is 19/20 here or 13/14? 'Cause that's the vibe I'm getting.

Also, this is chapter 9 and the first chapter where Anakin and Obi-Wan actually talk to each other. What's the deal? Isn't this book about them and their relationship? Shouldn't they at least spend a little time together?

Pg 65, Obi-Wan chooses not to have a heart-to-heart with Anakin because he wants to stay focused on the bombing... you know, work and rules is all Obi-Wan thinks about, no time to think about his closest friend/pseudo son...

Pg 67, Anakin thinks he's too good to train younglings...

Chapter 10

Skip.

Alternate Universe- What if Anakin's mother survived and Anakin never went dark side. Padme has the twins on Tatooine and survives. Anakin tries to help the surviving Jedi, while still keeping his family secret. Meanwhile Darth Sidious has been crowned emperor and is going after the remaining Jedi. Rumors have it he's looking for a new apprentice. Anakin gets to be a daddy.

I've posted another chapter to Return of the Survivors. Below is a small selection. Please go to the links above to read more:

Chapter 96 - Arrangements

Ahsoka Tano was on a Waystation in the Gordian Reach.  Even though the Rebellion no longer had its main station in the sector, Anakin thought that the station was worth preserving.  It was useful for sending messages back and forth, certainly.  He thought it would be strategic to keep its location secret, and it was her job to keep up a sort of shield around it with the Force.  That way any imperialists who came into the system would barely give it a second thought.  It was a boring job, but one that was crucial.  Her experience in war taught her that if you can’t get messages where you need them, having the best army was pointless.  

But tonight would not be a boring night.  Galen Merek would be there as well.  If there’s anything two lineage-mates could be trusted to do, it's to compare stories about their shared master.  And it’s a good thing Anakin wasn’t going to be around, because she had some embarrassing stories to tell.  It was going to be fun.  

Ahsoka checked on the stash of snacks she’d stored away for their evening watch, then she finished the meditation to build up the shield with the Force again.  Keeping the shield running was a simple task.  The only complication is that it must be redone every so many hours, especially during the night hours, where the Force seems to decide to unwind every shield on its own.  Ahsoka would be questioning why this was, but in her experience, sometimes the Force was just odd.  

After this was finished, she bounced down to the three main quarters this station possessed.  When Galen arrived earlier, he had been tired and grumpy.  Like Obi-Wan without meditation.  She had supposed that must be the reason why.  He just needed a nap and a good meditation, and he’d be back to normal.  

“Ga-aaa-len,” she called.  

“Wha- oh, Soka?” Galen appeared at the door.  He still looked a little tired, though less grumpy, as he returned her smile.  

“You said you’d do the night shift with me.”

Galen nodded, and he reached back to get a coat.  “I did say that, didn’t I?”

“You don’t have to, if you still need to rest.” Ahsoka offered, hiding her disappointment.

“No, I said I’d help you.  It’s what I’m gonna do.” Galen stepped out and started walking down the hallway.

Ahsoka smiled and followed him.  He just needed a little something to make him laugh, she figured.  “You know there was this time when Sky-Guy had this idea on how to improve the range of one of the cannons.  But we didn’t have anything to test it with.  And it would’ve been a very bad idea to test the canon with real artillery.  But we did have Muja Fruit seized from some counterfeit traders in the outer rim…” 

Galen smiled, anticipating the ending to the story.  Ahsoka took it as a good sign, and she went on.  

“Juice got everywhere!  Almost every ship in that hangar went from white to pink.  Then Rex came in to give Anakin a message from the battlefront, and he suddenly went all gungho on cleaning.  He usually didn’t care about Master Obi-Wan’s opinion that much, but the Master was on his way.  We scrubbed the ships for hours.  You know, on reflection, Padme was with Obi-Wan when he arrived… So that probably had something to do with it.” Ahsoka laughed at it to herself.  “It’s hard to remember, but apparently they were married at the time.” 

She shrugged her shoulders, making light of it, until Galen groaned.  

“What’s wrong?” She decided to ask.  

“Please, I don’t need this now.  I just got off the comm with my Dad, and he’s got the whole Council on his side apparently.”

“Hmm?” Ahsoka’s brow furrowed with confusion.  She didn’t understand the family thing.  Though to her, Plo, Anakin and Obi-Wan were like her family.  She barely remembered her own real family.  

“Marriage,” he filled in.   “Apparently, I’ve been dating Juno for long enough that he thinks we should get married.”

“Oh.” This was one of those awkward conversations she was not ready for.  “Well, you two are cute together.” Which was apparently the wrong answer because he groaned again.  “But it’s none of my business.”

Galen sighed. “Thanks.  I do want to, you know.  I want to marry her one day.  It’s just that with the war going on, it doesn’t feel like the right time.  How am I supposed to split my attention between fighting and a homelife?  And as soon as we get married, he’s going to be asking us about having children.  I am not ready to be a father!”

“Hmm.” Ahsoka hummed.  “It might be because I remember a time when Jedi who fell in love had to either leave the order, like your parents, or love in secret, like Anakin and Padme.  But I don’t think you have to worry about being ready to marry her.  You love her, you’d make it work.   But don’t feel rushed into anything either.  Especially not into having kids.”

“Can I quote you on that?  It might help if my father really does get the council on his side.”

“I don’t know how my opinion would stand up against the council, but sure.  Why not?”

Galen stared, mouth agape at her.  “You know your opinion matters a lot to them.  Especially to Master Anakin.” Ahsoka blushed.  “There wasn’t a time when I didn’t hear ‘Soka would do it this way.’  I used to feel very intimidated by you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Ahsoka didn’t know what to say.  She did not expect him to tell her that.  

“Don’t worry about it.  Luke had it worse.  His Master’s old Padawan was his father!”  

“That’s true.”  Ahsoka nodded along.  “Say, do you want to hear a really embarrassing tale about Master Sky-Guy?”  She offered.  

His mouth opened with the biggest smile.  “Do I ever?”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Anakin says into the grim silence of the command tent. It's the same one he’d been in not even a day ago. Rex had been trying to get him to focus, the exasperation rolling off him in waves.

The battle had been disastrous, with the 501st losing over a third of their troopers. All because Anakin rushed ahead. If only he’d stayed behind, maybe he could have saved them. The thoughts plagued him, digging their claws into his mind, whispering that he should have been better, should have been smarter, should have listened.

“I should have waited.” He runs his hand through his hair, tugging when he reaches the end.

“Yes, you should have.”

Anakin jerks his head up, startled by the voice when he thought he was alone. Standing by the entrance of the tent was Obi-Wan. He looked awful. His robes were torn and caked in mud. There was a still wet trail of blood down the side of his face, starting at his forehead.

“I-“ Anakin starts, not sure how to continue in the face of the harsh opinion expressed by the man who’d always taken his side.

“Those troops out there are your responsibility. They trust you; are relying on you to get them to safety. You have a duty to them as both a Jedi and a general.” Obi-Wan pauses and takes the moment of silence to study Anakin.

Anakin feels flayed under his gaze. Like all the fronts and masks he could possibly put up wouldn’t stop Obi-Wan from reaching into his heart and seeing exactly how he feels. Under his eyes, there's nothing he could hide.

“You failed them today.” With that statement, Obi-Wan turns and leaves the tent, as if he hadn’t just cut Anakin open and left him bleeding all over the floor. The blood spills out of his chest and climbs up his throat. It leaves a thick sour taste on his tongue, and even when he swallows, it remains.

One of his hands reaches up to his chest and grabs the outer layer of his robes, the fabric twisting and crumpling in his harsh grip. He presses in, hoping to keep his heart from spilling out onto the floor.

Strangely, his hand doesn’t get wet as it should, and he glances down to find that there’s no blood on his chest. There’s no blood anywhere, not on his hand, his chest, or even the floor.

Oh, Anakin thinks, dazed, but not from blood loss, that’s shame.

He doesn’t like this feeling; doesn’t like to admit when he messed up. This feeling that hurts like a physical pain, like his heart is tying itself into knots, like his throat is closing up.

He really messed up today, didn’t he?

i’d love to hear your thoughts on qui gon?

Alright, this is the second part of answering that I mentioned earlier so I’m just gonna.. go into a breakdown of Qui Gon’s character and how I view him.

I haven’t fully watched the Phantom Menace since I was a kid (10-ish years ago), so I wouldn’t say take my word as gospel. I have, however, recently touched up on some other material to refresh my memory and I’ve also rewatched some of the scenes, so I think I have a firm enough understanding of his character to discuss it. Anyways, let me actually get to my breakdown.

Qui Gon is a weak character. Not in the sense that he’s physically weak, but in the sense that he lacks depth and we only see him onscreen for one movie before he kicks the bucket. Maybe it’s thanks to the fact that they only had one movie to make an interesting character which is why he fell flat (for me at least), but I’ve seen single movies do much better in the character development area, so it’s a bit of an iffy excuse. Regardless, looking at the Phantom Menace from start to finish, I think the first thing that comes to my attention is the fact that Qui Gon doesn’t change.

Why is that a bad thing? Well, ok, nobody changes overnight, we know this. And some people don’t change at all, aren’t open to it, but we know refusing to keep an open mind is detrimental. The thing with Qui Gon is that he doesn’t change because he refuses to see outside of himself, and this isn’t put into a negative light either. To be honest, I am unsure if Lucas was trying to paint Qui Gon as an objectively “good person” or “bad person” (Liam Neeson himself is deplorable, but that’s not my point at the moment). Of course, it isn’t just black and white, but I feel there is a certain way that “morally grey” characters should be done (it is broad, because you will still have nuance in that gray area) and Qui Gon does not really.. fit. He seems like someone who is meant to be seen as a likable character but he just isn’t.

Qui Gon clashing with the Council in itself isn’t bad. My character, Ko, harbors a strong dislike for the Council and I think it is an interesting point to explore, the difference between various Jedi and their relationship with the Council. That being said, when it leads to direct butting heads without progress and/or a willingness to see the other side, it becomes less of a “difference in opinion” and more of a “overgrown man child refuses to look past his own beliefs”. And don’t get me wrong, I have my own problems with how the Council functions, but the way Qui Gon handles it is pisspoor.

Going onto my next point, Qui Gon is very manipulative. I mean, Obi Wan had to get it from somewhere (and I would not entirely say that Obi Wan is a manipulative person, but he is not above using manipulation), but if we look at how Qui Gon interacts with Shmi (along with Padmé and the rest of the handmaidens), he takes advantage of his charisma in order to establish himself in her family setting. He knows that he isn’t going to free her—which actually leads into the whole problem of the Jedi ignoring the slave trade in general, but once again, not something I am going to delve into here—which is why he needs to show himself as someone who can be a “father figure” to Anakin in order to effectively distance him from her. Anakin doesn’t get the choice of being a Jedi; it’s either that or he remains enslaved.

He views people as tools. If we breakdown his relationship with the Force, it can basically be summed up as “he believes it will guide everything that happens” (which actually reminds me of very religious people who attribute everything to their Maker) to a point where he isn’t really.. putting in the effort to get there. For example, he does not worry himself with figuring out a way to get off Tatooine because he thinks that the Force will sort that out for him. With Anakin, he believes that the Force has led Anakin to him so that Qui Gon can train the kid. His freeing of Anakin does not come from a place of good will, but more so the fact that he thinks the Force is telling him to.

This also bleeds into him betting on podraces and loaded die, which also ties into the fact that he knew he wasn’t going to free Shmi. Once again, he is not freeing Anakin because he believes that them being enslaved is wrong (in fact, earlier he states that he is not going to free them), but because he believes the Force is telling him that he needs to train Anakin. He tells Anakin that he is the chosen one—I mean, imagine the weight of that status on a child? I honestly believe that if anyone but Qui Gon had found Anakin, like Plo Koon for example, things would have gone differently. Anakin did not need that weight on his shoulders at such a young age—and views him as that. He makes it clear when he is speaking to the Council.

Which becomes another thing where he literally brushes off the fact that he already has a Padawan. He is very willing to toss Obi Wan aside in favor of training Anakin, and he states so with indifference. This ties back to an earlier part in the movie where he says something along the lines of “stop focusing on the future, focus on the present” because, thanks to his inability to think about the future for just a moment, he has condemned his Padawan and put himself in a predicament that is the result of him getting caught up in the moment. His blind trust in the force does not account for the actions and opinions of others, nor does it account for the fact that he still needs to treat things with tact/put the effort in himself.

Then, kind of looping back a little bit to my statement about how he views Anakin, he does not bring up Anakin’s former life to the council (if I remember correctly Anyways). It is just “this boy is the chosen one. He needs to be trained”. This also ties into my earlier points about how he refuses to see issues outside of his own, and how he is very “it has to be my way”. He has tunnel vision; he does not see outside of that. There is a reason that Xanatos fell, and it is not just because of Xanatos’s own actions. Yet, even after having a Padawan that has fallen, Qui Gon does not change his ways. Yoda guides him to Obi Wan as an attempt to heal Qui Gon, and I can only imagine the emotional stress that would put on a literal child.

Running off this point, the most insight we see of Qui Gon (?) is through Obi Wan/how Obi Wan sees him. Because Obi Wan grieves for Qui Gon, we are sympathetic for him, yet Qui Gon abuses Obi Wan’s attachment to him in order to ensure that Anakin is trained. Obi Wan should not have been taking on a Padawan at that age, certainly not when he had just been knighted, yet he does because of Qui Gon. It’s deeply problematic, and while I do thoroughly enjoy watching Anakin and Obi Wan interact, Anakin needed a parental figure, not a brother.

So that is my brief? Analysis of Qui Gon’s character and how I specifically view him. I went more into why I personally dislike him since that is what I had talked about before, but also because if I am being honest, his negative traits outweigh this redeeming qualities. Anyways, I am going to create a tag for my general Star Wars thoughts since I have made a couple of posts and it is probably time I organize a little bit.

Until the Sun Rises

Part 2: Beautifully Catastrophic

Anakin x Jedi!reader

Summary: The Clone Wars have begun, and although you and Anakin remain best friends, you have sensed your relationship growing distant, both from your time spent apart in battle, and from the inclusion of a certain woman into his life. When you finally get a moment to share alone with him, however, things do not go as you would have wished.

Notes: Part 2 takes place probably a year or so after part 1. Reader is young, probably around 18 or 19. Another Happy Birthday wish to @hellotherebonky

Rating: T

Warnings: fluff/angst. Reader gets very angry, yikes.

Part 1

Only one year later would Anakin be made an official Jedi Knight, just after the start of the Clone Wars. And as much as you hoped for peace in the galaxy, you secretly revelled in the start of the fighting, as it meant you were finally able to leave the Temple on a regular basis. You and your Master fought many battles together, and you felt yourself grow stronger with The Force every day. Master Sente admitted they may have been wrong to keep you guarded all that time, as you proved yourself to be a very cunning and diligent warrior. You learned ten times faster out in the galaxy then you did by studying away in the record halls. Being out there, learning on the battlefield, this was what made you finally shine.

The one downfall, however, was the reality that your assignments kept you away from Anakin.

He and Obi-wan stayed close, even after he proved himself capable and passed his trials, so the two of them often went on missions together… a fate you once dreamed of for yourselves.

But in all honesty, you were thankful for the space from Anakin. Ever since Padme Amidala had been thrust back into his life, you were tormented by how different Anakin had become. He didn’t confide in you as often, and when he did, the sole topic was her. How he couldn’t stand to be away from her. How he dreamt only of her. How only she could tame the fire that seared his soul.

One might think that a war should be the cause of such an uprooting to your life - but the war paled in comparison to the return of a woman.

You could see what drew him to her. Her beauty was only paralleled by her intelligence and kindness. She was stunning - you might even say she was perfect.

Her angelic form could not rival whatever you had to offer him. In fact, you had nothing to offer him, as the Jedi Code stood between any dreams you could dare to possess. At least with her, only his own morals were tempted. He didn’t confide the true nature of his relationship with Padme to you, but in your heart, you knew things had gone too far. It broke you to see him throw away his future for her, but it broke you more that he would never do the same for you.

She was lovely enough to include you in her life too, obviously noting the fact that you were Anakin’s only true friend at the Temple. You spent lunches and dinners and nights out together at the opera. Over the short time you spent together you unconsciously came to like her. More than that, you admired her.

You admired how she continued to fight for the rights of those who had none. How she was always unafraid to speak her mind and stand against what she believed to be wrong. You also noticed just how strong willed she could be in those opinions; ready to take on any voices raised against her own.

And as much as you tried to be happy for the two best people in your life, you couldn’t help the way that they remind you of the neutron star collisions you were taught about as a youngling. Two stars burning hot and bright, caught in each other's gravity, encircling one another over and over in a beautiful rhythm, until time and space can no longer accommodate for their existence. A beauty burning so bright that it can only be catastrophic.

Padme is brilliant and caring, but she is determined and independent. Anakin is willing to fight to the end for what he loves, but he is only satisfied when it is him who makes the sacrifices, and him who makes the choices. He needs to control everything, but she cannot be controlled.

You’ve grown alongside Anakin, and you’ve grown to love Padme. Separate they are unstoppable. They believe they can change the galaxy. But you know neither sees that goal in the same way.

You recount the way Anakin fought so hard against the council, over and over, believing that he knew better, or his approach would suit the situation over theirs. Often, he was proven right. He was talented, but the council only thought of him as reckless and lucky, making him seek to push against them even harder. For nights on end, you would hear him rant on about his distrust in such a system.

“We would be better off to decide for ourselves what we thought was right” he would go on. “How can we put our faith in a group of old, washed up Master’s who have long forgotten what it’s like to put their own lives on the line.” Eventually he would finish with sentiments along the line of: “I think they’re just scared to make the decisions that needed to be made”

But you also knew how faithful Padme was to that same system. She believed in the power of diplomacy and democracy. A freedom made by sitting and talking through their issues. Words right out of the mouth of Anakin; words of distaste for a future he couldn't see himself a part of.

It kept you wondering just how long it might take for fate - for The Force - to intervene. You knew it would have to, in some form or another. It always did. You waited for the day they would implode. And you swore you would be by his side when they did.

You waited. But the day hadn’t come.

Instead, the Clone Wars dragged on. You were eventually Knighted. A relatively small ceremony for the troubled times, but even Anakin made his way to be there. He looked proud as you knelt before the council and agreed to do the will of The Force.

“I can’t believe I finally made it,” you whisper to Anakin as you shuffle out of the council room.

“I never doubted you would, little one.” His voice quiet too but resonating directly into your ear as he hunched over to place his mouth next to your face.

“I did. All the time,” you say as you tilt your face to meet his.

“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.” Just then you realized you had worked yourselves away from the crowd into the hall where your adjacent rooms were held. “Come on, for old times’ sake.” His head nodding towards his own room, but you understood the final destination he had in mind.

You both carefully maneuvered your bodies over the ledge of his balcony onto the roof of the temple. “This was easier when we were children,” you remarked through laboured breaths.

“Everything was,” he responded, settling into the spot next to you so that your two thighs were barely grazing. The positioning reminded you of a night you spent together not so long ago. Watching the life of Coruscant fill the skies. Now the view had barely changed, save for the fact you were currently watching a setting sun instead of a vast darkness.

You both sat in silence, as you often did, words rarely necessary when you felt each other's presence so clearly already. Tuning into his aura, you felt a turbulence - an unease you had never felt before. What is that? You thought, forgetting how thoroughly lodged you were in his essence. “I’m sorry, Anakin. I didn’t mean to intrude-”

“It’s alright. I have nothing to hide, not from you. Never from you.” He admits as he turns to look into your eyes. You met his gaze instantly, and whatever you had felt in his aura had also taken root in his face. Besides the new scar, there were clear signs of worry and fear - his secrets slowly burdening him from the inside out.

“Please tell me, Anakin. You know you can tell me, whatever it is.” You attempt to reassure him. You know he must have a lot on his mind, and you know there is rarely anyone else he can truly confide in. His relationship with Padme meant he could not completely confide in Obi-wan, but the nature of his role and the severity of his actions during the Clone Wars caused a further rift between him and his wife.

“There’s so much. I don’t even know where to begin,” he starts.

“How about the beginning.” Your voice is almost teasing, until you see the bleakness in his weathered face. The horrors of war depleting the once joyful and youthful peace that filled him. Now he looked harsh and serious. He had told you of the things he had done, even before the Clone Wars began, and you could piece together how easily the added burdens had manifested in his soul.

“The council gave me a Padawan.” He spoke softly as he stared at the horizon.

“Already? They must have great faith in you.”

“I think the opposite. They wish to tame me, or to see me fail.” You could sense the hint of anger breaking through his otherwise stoic appearance.

“Anakin, I know you don’t trust them but-”

“But what? When have they ever trusted me?!” His quiet demeanor abruptly dissolving. “Why should I think they’re doing this out of my best interest?”

“How has it been?” You attempt to diffuse him. “What are they like?”

Anakin takes a moment to regain his peace. “She’s like me, Ahsoka.”

“Then she’ll be trouble.” You say with a jab to his ribs.

“Hey.” He nudges you back, and you almost slip from your spot to the balcony below. “Oh Maker, sorry.” He begins again, “I just fear she’s too much like me. She deserves a Master who is knowledgeable of The Force, who can help her find strength and stability. She is wild, and takes risks-”

“And is that bad? She sounds exactly like you. Maybe she needs someone to show her that trusting herself is as important as trusting The Force.”

“I don’t know if I can be that for her. I don’t even know if I trust myself anymore.” his voice reaching a quiet once again. So low, you understand that there is more to what he has shared.

“What’s really going on, Anakin?” You sense his trouble, and you know he has not fully divulged the root of his strife. In a moment of weakness, you let your emotions surface and ask, “Is it Padme?”

“What!? Why would it be Padme? Why would you ask that?” But his voice is too defensive for you to leave the subject alone.

“I just mean keeping the secret. Keeping her a secret. It must be weighing on you. And on top of everything-”

“On top of what?” He asks sternly. But his question stirs something in you, and pokes at all the thoughts you had bottled up over the months of observing the two of them.

“I mean you two already fight enough as it is. You get jealous and she gets angry. You just never seem to be on the same page.”

“You don’t approve of Padme?” He questions harshly.

“Of course I approve of Padme, as if I even need to. I mean she’s perfect. She’s almost too damn good for you-”

“What so I don’t deserve her? You think she should be with someone else?” You saw the aforementioned jealousy rising back up in him, further proving your point.

“I think you’re throwing away your life for a relationship you aren’t even happy in!”

“How could you know If I’m happy?”

“Because I know you, Anakin! I’ve known you for most of your life. I’ve seen you happy, and you aren’t happy with her.”

“It’s not that simple-”

“How is it not? You fight all the time; you don’t agree on anything. Is it supposed to be this hard? Why are you even still with her if she makes your life so difficult?”

“Because she’s my wife!” He admits loudly, a contrast to the deafening silence that follows.

You stare at him for what feels like hours. Your tongue runs dry from the stale air that passes through your agape mouth. Several minutes pass before you realize you hadn’t taken a proper breath.

“What are you talking about, Anakin.” These are the only words you can muster, and they come out painfully against the scratch of your dry throat.

“Just after the assignment where I guarded Padme,” he begins, “I lost my arm, and the Clone Wars began, and there was so much going on. I never realized how easily it could all be taken away. I almost died fighting Dooku.”

“So you decided to get married?” Your mind running too fast, too cluttered with thoughts to string together a calm response. “You lived, Anakin. You’re alive. So you decided to throw it all away because you almost died. Because you realized you could have died. We are Jedi. We could die any day. That’s the freaking point! How could you do something so foolish?!” You scream your words at him like blaster bolts, hoping for the first time ever that you could hurt him, like he had hurt you all these years.

“It was not foolish, I loved her then, and I love her now.” He admits to you angrily.

“And I loved you. I've loved you since the day you came here. And you never gave me a second glance. You never even tried to love me back. I've been here for you the whole time. Through everything. And still, you can't seem to care for me at all. I don't even know why I should care. I should have left you alone years ago. What have I ever gotten out of this? Pain. Hurt. Anger. You’ve pushed me to my breaking point time and time again. You have been more challenging than anything I faced in the trials. But I tried. I tried to be here for you, and hear every problem, every complaint. But you were never here for me. Not once. I’m done.” you say as you slide off the roof. “I cannot believe that all this time you’ve been married to her. And you never once thought to tell me. I am your best friend. At least I thought I was. Maker, Anakin, no wonder everything implodes around you.”

As you retreated, you felt the pain resonate from his aura. Your words tore at his soul and left him to bleed out. But you had enough. You were destroyed, and you needed him to know how deeply he had wounded you first. So, you abandoned him on that roof. You walked away from the one person who you truly loved. With every step you felt the strings of your attachment snap, you felt his presence leaving you in a way it never had before.

But he let you go. Not because he wanted to. But because you were right. He hadn’t been there for you. All those years you had been his crutch. You had listened to every childish rant. You had talked through every problem with him. But what had he done for you? He used you, and he knew it. What good would it do to beg you to stay? He could only be so selfish.

But you were also wrong, because he did love you. He should have shown it better. He should have told you long ago. But his world had become a destructive mess, and he decided he deserved all the pain and torment it had brought. Anakin wasn’t even sure how he loved you. It surely wasn’t the same way he felt about Padme. No, that love was raw. It was fire, and passion. It burned him alive. He loved you softly, like a warm embrace. You brought comfort and joy, even when the world was crumbling around him. Maybe he knew he didn’t deserve such happiness. Maybe that's why he let you walk away.

Part 3

read me your life

ao3

For Star Wars Soulmate Month

Anakin has never been a fan of the whole soulmate-book thing. Some people found it romantic to be able to read all about their soulmate’s life before they’d met, but for Anakin it just showcased the worst years of his life; the years he spent as a slave. 

As a child he’d wanted to burn his book, so his soulmate would never have to know that he’d once been a slave (he’d known down to his bones that he’d be free by the time he met his soulmate), but his mother had talked him out of it, telling him he’d never be able to find his soulmate without his book.

Anakin still thought about it.

He never read his book, not because he believed that only his soulmate should ever lay eyes on it like some did, but because every time he tried he felt the hot flush of shame and anger. Even the joy a soulmate was meant to bring was tainted by slavery, the one thing that he thought might be able to help him get through until he was free. 

He hated Watto, and Tatooine, and the whole stupid universe that let him and his mother be slaves.

And then came Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who freed him and promised him training as a Jedi. Even at nine, Anakin had had some reservations, but the thought of being free, being able to travel the stars instead of being stuck on Tattooine won him over in seconds.

So he wins the Boonta Eve Classic and he gets freed, something he hadn’t known about until it was happening, Qui-Gon’s promise of him becoming a powerful Jedi seems in his grasp. 

But he has to leave his mother behind. It’s the hardest thing he ever does, even later after he’s gone on several missions, even after he fights in a war, even after he has to kill the old man he’d thought was his friend but wasn’t, leaving his mother and not looking back remains the most difficult.

He almost left his book behind then, with his mother. Almost. Even if she couldn’t see the writing on the pages, it was still something to remember him by. But she’d refused, and Anakin had been strangely relieved.

He’s glad he didn’t when later, after the Jedi told him they wouldn’t allow him to be trained, after he blew up a spaceship, after Qui-Gon’s funeral, after being assigned as Obi-Wan Kenobi’s padawn, he checks his book, to read about the past few days, to remind himself that they were real and that he’s really free. 

And he finds blank pages from the moment he climbed aboard the Naboo cruiser that first time. He’d met his soulmate. He’d met his soulmate and he hadn’t noticed. All those stories about sparks flying and knowing instantly were wrong. Anakin should’ve known. Nothing good is that easy.

His first thought is that it’s Padme, the beautiful angel, the Queen of the Naboo, Anakin’s first friend off Tatooine. But the timeline doesn’t add up. He’d met Padme days before his book stopped writing, but maybe that’s how it works? The only person he’d ever been able to talk about it with was his mother, who’d never met her soulmate and would never know unless they showed her their book.

Hers had been burnt when she’d fallen pregnant with Anakin.

Over the years he convinces himself that it’s Padme. He slowly chips away at all his doubts, refusing to back down. It’s Padme, it has to be. Who else had been kind and gracious to him, who else had made him feel like the most important person in the room whenever they spoke to him? No one. It had to be Padme. If it wasn’t Padme then who could it be? He didn’t want it to be anyone else. 

He trains, he gets better, he fights with Obi-Wan and gets scolded by the council more often than not. But Obi-Wan is always there after, to apologize, to be apologized to, to hug and to take him to Dex’s. To reassure him that he’s wanted. 

Anakin is sure he got lucky with his master. His fellow padawans always complain about theirs, and while Anakin and Obi-Wan clash over many things, they work well together and get along very well when neither of them are being stubborn. He’s glad, most days, that he landed with Obi-Wan instead of Qui-Gon. He gets the feeling that the other man had far too many expectations for him he’d never be abe to live up to.

Anakin never speaks about his soulmate to Obi-Wan, for all that he trusts his Master, he’s far too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He doesn’t want to feel stupid anymore, and after his peers reactions to his inability to read, Anakin is hesitant to admit any gaps in knowledge to anyone at the Jedi temple. 

So he keeps quiet about his questions and silent suspicions. He doesn’t want to be made a fool again. He waits in excitement for the day that he’ll be able to see Padme again and find out whether his decade-long suspicions are true. 

And then he meets her again. He and Obi-Wan are there to guard her from assassins, and as he’s terrified as that time he’d accidentally kicked Master Yoda across the hall and into Master Windu’s face. 

He’d had a rough time during his growth spurts and hadn’t been able to control any of his limbs, okay? He’s sure half the reason Master Windu hates him is because of that day. Anakin maintains that he should’ve dodged. What is the Force for, if not for sensing when a young teen with no control over their newly elongated limbs punts your weird-speaking toad boss at your head?

No, Anakin is not victim blaming. 

In any case, he feels like throwing up, passing out and running away all at the same time. He’s about to meet his soulmate for the first time in ten years. 

He sees Padme, and those feelings fall away. So does the feelings of passion and love he’s been associating with her for the past decade. Instead he just feels nostalgia for those fleeting days of almost-perfection when he’d first met Padme.

Something inside him tells him that Padme isn’t his soulmate. 

He’s right, he finds out later. When they’re hiding on Naboo Padme confides that she’d thought he was her soulmate for the longest time, but had found out it was actually one of her newer handmaidens she’d met around the same time as she’d met Anakin. 

Anakin tells her that he’d also thought she was his soulmate, up until they’d met again, but he doesn’t think so anymore. 

They try to read each others books, but they can’t. They laugh at their childish foolishness and spend a few days fooling around and revelling in their lack of responsibilities. Anakin gets to meet Lorde, Padme’s soulmate and he revells in the way they fit together. Even if Padme wasn’t his soulmate he’s still glad she gets this. 

And then Anakin dreams of his mother again and they leave for Tatooine. Anakin meets his step-father and mother’s soulmate and he rescues his mother. He barely stops himself from slaughtering the whole village, but his mother needs him more. And Obi-Wan would be disappointed in him.

His mother almost dies twice in one night, but Padme’s Naboo cruiser has very good medical supplies. Anakin gets to speak with his mother again, gets to hear all about how her life has gone and how happy she is with Cliegg. When Obi-Wan’s message comes through she encourages him to go help him. 

So Anakin leaves his mother with a promise to visit when he can and he and Padme set off for Geonosis. They get captured, they escape, they get rescued, they chase down Count Dooku and Padme falls out of a ship and Anakin loses his arm. 

The Clone Wars begin. 

Padme gets married to her soulmate and Anakin is there at the small ceremony, hosted at the same place where they’d spent their last war-free days. Padme tells him she wants to keep it quiet, because Padme has a target on her back and has no interest in endangering Lorde

When he gets back to Coruscant Obi-Wan gives him a strangely sad look, but Anakin chalks it up to the loss of his hand. 

The war rages on and Anakin gets knighted, far too soon in his opinion. Despite his chafing against Obi-Wan’s occasionally tight leash, he’s well aware that he still has a lot more to learn. Nonetheless, its still near the beginning of the war and they still get their seven days together after the ceremony, a luxury not afforded to newly-knighted jedi later on. 

The war rages on and Anakin sees Obi-Wan a surprisingly large amount. They become the Team, the face of the war. They’re sent on large scale public missions together more often than not, and Anakin is glad for it. 

The war rages on and Anakin gets a padawan of his own, Ahsoka Tano, though she’s as much Obi-Wan’s padawan as she is his. She’s far to young to be in war, but tragedy doesn’t care about age. It only seeks to inflict itself on whoever is most vulnerable. Anakin teaches her to be a Jedi, but he also teaches her how to deal with her emotions healthily. He wants her to be better than him, he wants her to suffer as little as possible. Obi-Wan shares this desire and helps in whatever way he can.

The war rages on and Satine dies, Obi-Wan’s soulmate dies and Anakin figures that if there’s any time to break their mutual silence on soulmates it would be now. 

“I’m sorry. Losing your soulmate must be hard,” Anakin says, doing his best at trying to comfort his ex-master. He’d never had to comfort Obi-Wan before, if he’d ever got upset he’d always go and meditate. But not this time. 

His comfort doesn’t seem to be very good because it brings a grimace of pain to Obi-Wan’s face and Anakin wishes he could travel back in time a minute to prevent that expression from crossing Obi-Wan’s face. 

“She wasn’t,” Obi-Wan starts, “My soulmate. I was hers but. She was never mine.”

Anakin doesn’t think that makes losing her any easier for Obi-Wan. He wants to comfort him, but instead his stupid curiousity that he’s been suppressing for years comes to the surface. 

“Do you know who is?” he asks and immediately wishes he could just erase this entire conversation. 

Obi-Wan has a lot of issues that he’s repressed over the years. His feelings of inadequacy and fear of abandonment are well hidden to everyone except Anakin. Anakin knows how to recognise that in someone else, he knows those feelings well enough. 

Which is why he notices Obi-Wan withdrawing into those feelings at Anakin’s question. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan whispers, “I’ve met them.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t say anything else immediately, but Anakin can tell he’s got more to say, so he waits in shocked silence.

“It’s,” Obi-Wan says, faltering. “It’s you, Anakin.”

Anakin blinks once, everything quickly falling into place, and feels like a complete idiot. Of course it’s Obi-Wan. He met Obi-Wan right when his book stops. 

How had it never occurred to him?

And based on Obi-Wan’s sad but hopeful expression, his years of being an oblivious idiot have hurt his master. 

“Oh,” Anakin manages to get out. 

Obi-Wan deflates at that singles syllable, clearly misreading Anakin’s reaction. Before Anakin has time to fix his mistake, Obi-Wan opens his mouth to say, “I know your soulmate is Padme, but, well. If there’s any time to tell you it’s now. I finally understand how Satine feels. Felt.” 

And if Anakin doesn’t feel like absolute garbage. Obi-Wan is already having a horrible day and Anakin has gone and forced him to bare his soul and 

“It’s not Padme, it’s you,” Anakin says. Obi-Wan’s eyes widen. “I thought it was Padme for a long, long time. But. It’s not. Hers is one of her handmaidens. And mine is you.”

Obi-Wan still hasn’t moved, and Anakin decides to continue. “I didn’t realize until now, but I’ve been an idiot. My book finished writing right before I first met you. It never occurred to me until now-”

Obi-Wan hugs him. It’s been years since Obi-Wan has hugged him, but Anakin’s instincts cause him to bring his arms around him almost immediately. Obi-Wan squeezes him tightly to his chest and Anakin knows immediately that they’ll be fine. They’ll figure this out together.

They’ve always been the perfect team.

Here we go again with my recap ramblings! Had to do a bit of nip/tuck for this one, it’s a bit lengthy.

My opinions, as I've stated before, are based on my limited knowledge of the Star Wars universe. I have NOT seen anything outside of the movie franchise, so please bear with me...

- First off I would like to express my appreciation for this episode going balls-to-the-wall with Ashoka, instead of spending an unnecessary amount of time working towards her introduction. Considering we spent two episodes just GETTING to her, the fact that it was like "BAM! There she is!" was very refreshing.

- Also I would like to thank Filoni for establishing her badassery UP FRONT, instead of having her do some sort of "Surprise! These are my special skills!" maneuver. The concept hit home on the first try, and it hit HARD.

- I know people are iffy with Rosario Dawson (I'm not that caught up on her to know the details myself), but she does bring a certain......presence, I guess......to this episode, but just as the character, not really HER specifically.  She seems more powerful when she's silent, versus when she speaks, her portrayal of the dialogue seems kinda monotone for my taste honestly. (I think it's worth mentioning that, while I understand people wish for Ashley, it would involve "black face" makeup on some levels to achieve Ashoka's skin-tone, I don't think it would've worked, no matter how skilled the makeup artists are)

- The ghastly forest makes me think of the lighting technique they used for The Half Blood Prince film

- As I've said, I have not seen the Clone Wars series, so I'm not familiar with Ashoka's animated fighting techniques, but I do love how practical she is with the lightsabers in a dark setting, turning them off to avoid too much attention, and only turning them back on right when she's ready to attack to really take her enemies off guard

- Din narrating to the baby has me in my feels a bit, this dude is really going through the motions isn't he? He's trying so hard to keep it together, acting like he's fine that his whole world is about to change in a way he's not fully prepared to handle.

- Can we take a moment to discuss how observant the baby is? He may not know about circuitry to help with ship maintenance, but he has the wherewithal to know when he's headed to a place that's potentially harmful. Episode 7 in season 1, when Din mentions going back to Nevarro? The baby immediately tries to adjust the ships trajectory to avoid going to a place of which his only memories consist of him being experimented on and possibly almost killed. And NOW? Now he recognizes that the name of the planet Din is taking him to will be where they separate, so OF COURSE his first instinct is to, not only avoid leaving Din's side at the pilot's seat, but to also seek out one of the few tangible objects that brings him comfort: THE METAL BALL FROM THE LEVER........baby boi is so smart, we do not give him enough credit

- Baby REALLY didn't want to leave his papa.......also DIN LET HIM KEEP THE BALL PLS

- Din walking through the town reminded me of the Two Towers when the party arrived at Rohan and Gimli was like "You'll find more cheer in a graveyard"

- I have to wonder what was going through Din's mind upon seeing the prisoners in the electric cages. I'm sure he was disgusted, but everything presented in this series is VERY deliberate, ergo Din was meant to see this to IMMEDIATELY establish that this magistrate was someone he wouldn't want to be allied with, a feat that could've been established with the intro into the town alone, but it seems that the best way to really drive home just how terrible these people are is voyeurism.

- The town versus inside the magistrates gated home? Night and day. The contrast is intriguing, how "dead" the town looks but inside the second gate there's life, somewhat flourishing.

- If Din KNEW that the magistrate was referring to Ashoka, than he basically tricked her into helping him find her under the guise of making a deal. If not, than he figured it out during their first fight upon seeing how she maneuvered around him. Either way, we stan one smart cookie.

- Lang reminds me of Number Two from the Austin Powers series

- BATU BATU BATU BATU

- I love the fact that Din is including the baby in his bounty hunting process, not just telling him they've reached the coordinates, but also letting him know to start looking, IT'S BRING YOUR SON TO WORK DAY......(but like EVERYday for him tho.....)

- Okay but like LOGICALLY I KNEW THAT BESKAR CANNOT BE DAMAGED BY A LIGHTSABER BUT MY HEART STOPPED FOR A SECOND

- DIN PACING LIKE A NERVOUS DAD IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE, POOR BABY

- I have to wonder how the baby "talks" via the Force, is it full "sentences"? Clipped "sentences"? Or is it kinda like Renesmee from Twilight where she "inserted" visuals into another person's head? I know they can "feel" each other's thoughts, but I've always wondered exactly HOW they "feel" them...

- I understand people are a little put-off by the lekku, and that cosplayers have done it "better", but we have to remember that cosplayers aren't doing (multiple) fight scenes, the head-piece has to be practical in its design, as well as authentic. There are stunt-doubles, and having to create multiple versions that not only can withstand constant movement, but also won't break easily. Not to mention when you try to do a live-action based off an animated series, it almost ALWAYS looks "wrong" on some levels (live-action anime? it's awkward af, no matter how hard you try...)

- About the Grogu controversy: I'm on the fence, but will most likely come to love/appreciate the name. Is it within the realm of what I was expecting? Nope. Is it possible that we are ALL projecting our own ideas of what name the baby "should" have had, so much so that almost ANY name they would've given him would've sounded "wrong"? VERY distinctive possibility......this is Star Wars after all, names are meant to sound "weird".  Grogu sounds like a Star Wars kind of name, in fact it's kinda fitting for a species that looks reptilian-ish

- THE BABY HEARING DIN SAY HIS NAME FOR THE FIRST TIME, THE WHIPLASH IN THAT HEAD-TURN, BUT LIKE.....I love the slight parallels to Grogu's and Din's name-arc: They both went DECADES without hearing their own names, and the reveal's are so contrasting, Din hears his name during a time when he's in danger, the baby hears his while having a heart-to-heart. I'm curious about how Din was feeling in this moment, thinking about how long Grogu must've gone without hearing his own name, and how Din longs to have someone say HIS name with an almost reverent tone

- YODA NAME-DROP.....but also Grogu looked at Ashoka when she said the name, I wonder if he knew Yoda

- Some people have mentioned Ashoka's lekku not being long enough for her age, I'm wondering if they compensated with the "wrinkles" in it? Can lekku have wrinkles?

- Grogu trying to be good for his papa, but also NOT wanting to use his powers because he KNOWS it would mean that papa has to leave him (and Din's little head tilt to get him to cooperate) I JUST....I CAN'T

- Ashoka telling Din to connect with Grogu, and Din shifting around all like "LOOK ITS BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO LEAVE MY SON WITH YOU, CAN YOU NOT MAKE THIS HARDER FOR ME???"

- FATHER AND SON GAME OF CATCH AND DIN'S EXCITEMENT WHEN GROGU CAUGHT THE METAL BALL, MY OVARIES CANNOT TAKE THIS MUCH FLUFF

- Subtle Anakin reference, given what happened to the younglings after he went dark, it's a good thing Grogu was taken.......but by WHO???

- Din calling the lightsabers "laser swords" and Ashoka's little grin like, she WANTED to correct him, but she was enjoying Din's dorkyness???

- Din trusted her enough to let her borrow his pauldron??? I HAD A MOMENT

- DIN GUNSLINGER DJARIN

- Did my eyes fucking DECEIVE ME?? DID ASHOKA CUT THE SPEAR IN HALF????? Like this is the second time I'm watching this, the first time I noticed it I was like "No fucking WAY", but I'm seeing it AGAIN, IT WASN'T A TRICK OF THE EYE....so beskar is only lightsaber RESISTANT??

- Lang vs Din was like Johnny Ringo vs Doc Holliday, "You're no daisy!"

- More name-dropping. Did Ashoka kill Elsbeth? They never show her after the exchange.

- Din could've jetpacked his way back to the ship, but chose to walk instead. The way he avoids actually waking up Grogu at first, holding him for a bit, then taking the time to get him ready. Din baby who are you fooling? You're not ready, and you never will be.

- DIN STICKING HIS FINGERS OUT TO LET GROGU HOLD HIS HAND

- Ashoka knows okay?? She KNOWS that Din and Grogu are meant to stay together

- Din calling out Ashoka for trying to weasel out of the deal vs calling out Bo-Katan for changing the deal: No malice in his voice, he barely put up a fight, then sounded relieved after she gave him an alternative, one that could lead to the baby deciding NOT to become like the Jedi and instead choosing to remain with this buir

Title: walk the golden skies, rise above- Summary: In a world where Force-sensitive people have wings, Anakin Skywalker still burns. (But before that, he rises above them all.) AN: I finished my wingfic! Shout out to @shatouto, @khapikat22 and @kyber-erso for motivating me to finish this in a day instead of procrastinating :D I hope you like his! Also on AO3 for those who prefer to read there!

The first thing Qui-Gon Jinn noticed about the boy were his massive wings. He was young still, probably couldn’t even fly yet, but despite the complicated leather restraints on his back, there was no hiding the size of the black wings. Qui-Gon’s wings were on the larger side, as were those of his Padawan, but he was fairly sure that if the boy reached maturity, he’d surpass them both without trying.

Qui-Gon furthermore doubted that would be the case if the boy were to remain on Tatooine as a slave. He was small and underweight, his wings dragged through the ground behind him when he walked and many feathers were broken or missing. Regardless, Qui-Gon knew that Anakin Skywalker was meant to be a Jedi, the same way his mother should have been going by her wingspan. Her light brown feathers had been clipped, she likely wouldn’t ever be able to fly again. Those without the Force, whose wings were so small they could only ever dream of flying, could never understand what precious thing was stolen from those who could.

“You should be very proud of your son,” he told Shmi Skywalker. “He gives without any thought of reward.”

“Well, he knows nothing of greed,” Shmi replied. Her voice had a sharp edge, almost bitter.

Anakin had been born and raised a slave, he didn’t know anything about freedom or being greedy when he’d never been allowed to act on such thoughts. It was sad that such gentle behavior hadn’t been taught but forced upon him by circumstances.

“He has a good heart,” she continued, fiddling with the small white feather hanging from her necklace. In the sunlight, it almost flickered gold.

“He is strong in the Force.”

It was a miracle Anakin was still with his mother. While Jedi used wingspan as a rough determiner of Force-strengths, other cultures had different opinions on why every intelligent species grew wings. Everybody agreed though that those who stuck out of the masses were special.

“I’ve noticed, his wings are much darker than yours. Who was his father?”

Force strength was an inheritable trait. Certainly, if Shmi and his other parent were so strong, maybe that would explain Anakin’s exceptionality.

“There was no father,” Shmi said. “I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him, but I can’t explain what happened.”

The midichlorian count the test provided after only confirmed what Qui-Gon already knew. Anakin wasn’t just strong of the Force, he existed because of it. He was the Chosen One, destined to bring balance to the Force. That night, while he was sleeping in the Skywalker’s house, he dreamed of a man with black wings and woke up haunted by the feeling that a new era was upon them.

(Qui-Gon never lived long enough to know that Anakin’s wings were anything but black.)

X

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the one who cut through the leather cords restricting Anakin’s wings. He was also the first to see how truly massive the black feathers were. He was a little surprised to notice that in-between all the black another color, a lighter one, stood out when Qui-Gon had only described wings as dark as space. Trust his Master to make a mistake concerning precise details.

However, Obi-Wan was not the first to notice that Anakin Skywalker’s wings were not, in fact, even mainly black. He wasn’t even the second or third or fourth person. No, he was the tenth person to be informed of that and likely wouldn’t have even been number ten if his Padawan hadn’t had a panic attack in the Halls of Healing because too many Jedi were crowding around him. Another apprentice had come to pick Obi-Wan up, urging him to leave his final exam behind and come see to his Padawan immediately.

When Obi-Wan arrived in the Halls, he found Anakin sitting in the corner of a room, his wings curled around him so that you actually couldn’t see the little Padawan.

“What is going on here?” Obi-Wan asked and marched promptly through the Masters assembled in the room. Any other time he probably would have thrown a fuss at the utter disrespect he was showing Council members, but if Ki-Adi-Mundi decided that towering over his obviously overwhelmed Padawan, then Obi-Wan was going to tell him off.

He planted himself between Anakin and the other members, his arms crossed and his back turned to Anakin. Something touched his leg and he glanced down long enough to see black primary feathers brushing against him.

“Your Padawan was found ripping out his own feathers,” Vokara Che said seriously.

Obi-Wan slowly let out his breath and forced himself to not start cursing. He knew Anakin tended to do that. On Tatooine, it had been better to take out broken feathers than to attempt healing them and risk infection. He’d been shocked the first time he had caught Anakin doing it, but he thought Anakin had understood that it was unnecessary after their talk.

Obi-Wan decided to turn around to his Padawan and crouched down in front of him. He spread his own fiery red wings to give Anakin a sense of protection.

“Padawan,” he began to say. “Everything’s alright. You know you don’t have to take out your damaged feathers, we can heal them. And if we can’t, you certainly don’t have to deal with it on your own.”

“His feathers weren’t damaged,” Vokara said. “But their color-“

“Please don’t send me away!” Anakin suddenly blurted out. He opened up his wings, almost sending Obi-Wan toppling over, and threw himself at him. “Please, I promise I’ll behave. I just couldn’t get any japor oil and keep it hidden. I promise I’ll do better, please keep me-“

“Slow down Anakin,” Obi-Wan said. “And you’re my Padawan. You’re not going anywhere without me. Everything is alright.”

He tried to blend out all the Masters in the room with them. He gathered the Force around himself, grounded the two of them and calmed. He had to keep a cool head for Anakin. Obi-Wan could have his own private freak out when he was back in his own room away from too many Jedi who thought he shouldn't be teaching Anakin.

“But- but I couldn’t keep it hidden!” Anakin stuttered.

“Keep what hidden?” Obi-Wan asked carefully.

Anakin bit his lip, then he pushed his hands, curled to fists, into Obi-Wan’s and opened them, revealing soft and small feathers that likely would have grown into covert feathers, had Anakin not ripped them out. What shocked Obi-Wan the most about them though was not the dried blood clinging to them, but the brilliant golden shine.

“Are those yours?” Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin nodded. “Mom always made me drink japor oil so they wouldn’t grow in that color. If Masters knew I had big wings and golden ones, they’d have taken me away.”

Obi-Wan could see it in startling clarity. A small boy, much younger than Anakin was now, being ripped out of his mother’s arms so they could take his wings.

He felt like throwing up.

“They’re beautiful,” Obi-Wan told his Padawan earnestly. “You don’t have to hide them here, I promise.”

“Really?” Anakin’s eyes darted to the Jedi standing behind them.

“Yes.”

Anakin looked down at his hands, before he lifted his head once more, hesitant determination taking over. “You can keep those. They were the first to grow back.”

(On Tatooine, the only people you gave your feathers to were family members. Obi-Wan wouldn’t know this until Beru stood on his doorstep, Luke sleeping soundly in her arms, and quietly asked him to accept the fledgling feathers she handed him and to give Luke one of his in turn.)

X

It took almost two years until even the last of the black feathers was gone. Likely, it would have taken even longer if Anakin didn’t have a knack for getting injured and breaking off feathers that just happened to be the black ones. Anakin’s wings at thirteen were certainly a sight to behold. They seemed to reflect the light, their gold shining almost white in the illuminated meditation halls while they took on a fiery red color when Anakin was sun basking in the highest towers, the evening light hitting him just right. Even though Anakin was already a Padawan and had been for years, he still couldn’t fly. He never seemed to have enough space to unfold his wings completely before he crashed to the ground again.

“This is a terrible idea,” Aayla muttered.

She liked Anakin, he was fun and not so much of a stuck up as other Padawans his age. Besides, their Masters were befriended, though Aayla wasn’t so sure if her Master hadn’t just dragged Obi-Wan into his life and declared them friends. It certainly sounded like something he would do.

“But you can catch me, can’t you?” Anakin asked as he peeked over the railing of the highest tower.

The thing was, Aayla got it. She couldn’t recall much from her time before she’d been taken in by the Jedi. She’d been four already, on the older side of the scale when it came to younglings, but those four years hadn’t been enough for Aayla to keep all her memories. Still, she remembered the fear and pain from all those whose wings had been big enough that they might be able to fly whose wings had as a consequence, been clipped, forever denying them flight. Amongst slaves, being able to fly was the greatest ability.

Of course the inability to do so hurt Anakin.

“I’m sure it’ll work,” Anakin said, took a running leap and jumped off the tower.

Aayla followed him quickly, her own light blue wings flattering steadily as she watched Anakin trying to catch himself in the wind. For one very terrifying moment Aayla thought he wouldn’t make it, and then Anakin began to rise. The strokes of his wings were immediately powerful and likely just as exhausting, but he was flying.

Watching him soar in the sky told Aayla all she needed to know. Anakin had been born for this. She loathed to imagine what would have become of his wings if he hadn’t been brought to the temple, even if she had to suffer through a stern talking to after Anakin's first flight for letting a junior Padawan attempt such recklessness.

(It wasn’t the reason Aayla kept quiet about the clones whose wings started to grow larger than those of their brothers, but it was one of them. She helped them hide, she let them use bacta to heal the cuts they had to make.)

X

Out of all of Padmé’s handmaidens, Eirtaé was the one with the largest wings. They weren’t tall next to those of the Jedi, but they were the biggest Padmé had ever seen. Her own were small by comparison, could fit easily beneath the tunics they wore to hide them away entirely. Sabé’s wings on the other hand were the most similar to Padmé’s. They were bright red as well, though a shade darker. It was the reason she was Padmé’s main decoy. If kidnappers thought to check beyond facial recognitions, they’d find what they expected.

It certainly helped them when the Trade Federation staged their assault.

Padmé still remembered how fascinated she had been by the Jedi. Even when she had been sick with worry for her family and her planet, she had been curious about the Jedi.

Everybody whose wings were large enough to fly could be a Jedi, or so they said, but that knowledge hadn’t truly settled in until she’d seen Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi for the first time.

Now, looking at Anakin, all grown up and somehow still the kind boy she recalled, Padmé wasn’t sure if she had truly understood it back then when people spoke of Jedi and their unnaturally large wings.

“Ani?” Padmé asked, unable to hide her astonishment. “My goodness, you’ve grown. And your wings!”

For all that Anakin was obviously trying not to take up too much space, his treasure golden wings were already blocking off the area they were standing in. She wanted to ask him about their color change, whether that was a part of being a Jedi or something special and inherently Anakin Skywalker. He blushed and smiled sheepishly.

“So have you... grown more beautiful, I mean! And, eh, much shorter... for a Senator, I mean.”

He was fumbling through his words, but it was endearing nevertheless. Padmé still resented the fuss they were throwing about the attacks on her. She was not a helpless little girl. She had never been allowed to be such with the weight of millions of lives on her shoulders. But perhaps she could stand being protected by two Jedi if it were those two.

(In the future every time she looked at Anakin’s prosthesis, she’d hate herself a little. She knew Anakin picked up on it, but didn’t know how to hide or communicate that it wasn’t him she was uncomfortable with. Padmé simply blamed herself for his pain.)

X

Anakin’s mother had been a slave with a considerably large wingspan. She had been stolen away from her family when she was six. She had been too young to fly then, but when she’d been eleven, she had dared to stand on the rooftop of her Master’s house and wonder whether she would be able to fly if she just jumped and spread her wings. When her Master had spotted her, he had screeched and pulled her away from the edge. He and another group of men had pushed her to the ground and tore at her wings until a loud crack had resonated through the air. Shmi had been screaming, begging and crying then. She wouldn’t have jumped. She hadn’t known the first thing about flying and there was still a detonator in her body that would blow her up as soon as she went too far away.

The men hadn’t cared of course. They had broken her wings and watched in satisfaction as they healed wrongly.

She’d never be able to fly again. They had clipped her wings. Perhaps in Republic space, they’d be able to save them, but nobody would waste such expenses on a slave.

Years later when the Tuskens took her, Shmi was unable to fight them off or reach the skies for freedom. It should have been obvious to them from the angle her wings rested against her back that she might be a Skywalker but she’d never be able to walk the skies, and yet they hadn’t cared and violated her so cruelly for the second time in her life.

Her only relief before her death was seeing the golden color she had last laid her eyes upon almost two decades ago. Her son was free, wasn’t forced to bind or dye his wings.

(Shmi Skywalker didn’t die peacefully. Her body gave up on her after enduring weeks of torture. Hatred lingered in her bones. It was forged into the marrow of every slave, it gave them endurance beyond their nature, but even hatred ran out. In the end, the only kind thing she could feel was the love for her son.)

X

The first time Anakin saw Padmé’s wings were in that horrible arena on Geonosis. His mind was still full of grief for his mother, the fear for his Master and the horrible guilt eating away at him.

Padmé’s shirt tore, revealing red wings. They reminded Anakin of the robes she’d worn a decade ago when they recaptured Theed first, then of Obi-Wan’s wings second. But where Obi-Wan’s wings were the red of sunset, sunrise, and fires, Padmé’s carried victory, passion and love in its most extreme forms.

They were not enough to carry her as she fell out of the ship and Anakin was once more forced to watch, his heart screaming.

(Anakin knew most people were fascinated by his wings. He had never met or seen another sentient with the same coloring, but he decided then and there, in the aftermath of the beginning of the end, that red was his favorite color. He wouldn’t mind seeing it for the rest of his life.)

X

CT-7567, Captain Rex, hadn’t known what to expect of the Jedi that would lead him and his brothers. He had certainly heard several things from the other troops so far. They spoke of reckless warriors, flying through blaster fire without any regard for their own health, as long as they could make sure that the war ended a little sooner, that more sentients were saved.

Rex’s wings fit neatly beneath his armor.

He knew it wasn’t always the case.

There were brothers the Kaminoans decommissioned early on because their wings developed too fast, too large. Rex’s were standard, the same brown and white mustering, hardly noticeable when he forced them beneath his undersuit. Rex had never wanted bigger wings unlike some of his batchmates who had quietly exchanged thoughts about how neat it would be to fly. The advantaged they’d have in battle would be much larger.

Rex hadn’t seen the point right up until Commander Skywalker and yelled “Down!” and a huge shadow had settles over their heads. Rex and his brothers were pushed down by the massive weight of Skywalker’s wings.

The dust, dirt, and blood clinging to them didn’t do anything to diminish their shine and Rex found himself caught off-guard.

(He’d freeze a second time like this when yet another Commander Skywalker would push them down to the ground to save them.)

X

The war carried on. It took its toll. Suffering became apparent in every corner of the galaxy. People were tortured, cried out in pain and slowly but steadily suffocated on their own hopelessness.

Sidious hummed in content.

The miasma in the air, the taint as the Jedi would call it, was the finest treat. The dark side was growing stronger every day and soon victory would be his.

“You wanted to see me, Chancellor?”

Sidious smiled friendly as he took in the sight of his young apprentice. Anakin Skywalker was truly a gift of the Force. He was incredibly strong and would be Sidious’s greatest tool in the creation of his Empire.

The boy’s wings were a hindrance of course, but not one that couldn’t be dealt with as soon as he fell. Sidious had cut off his wings himself. His Master had been impressed, falsely assuming that Sidious had done so to please him. He had let Plagueis believe whatever he wanted. Sidious had merely taken his fate in his own hands. He wasn’t going to rely on another to complete the ritual that would truly open his mind to the dark side of the Force.

“Anakin, my dear boy,” Sidious said. “I am so glad to see you.”

(And Sidious would be celebrating when he came to mold Vader into his weapon. Kenobi had truly given him a gift, ruining his Padawan’s wings himself.)

X

The thing Ahsoka hated the most about being stuck on the Resolute was the lack of space. She had large wings and could only practice flying in the hangers. While the clones laughed and whistled when she did her spins, she knew she was actually disturbing them and interrupting their work. The non-clone officials on board certainly thought so. Ahsoka thought that if it were just Jedi and clones together, they wouldn’t have any problems, but as soon as the rest of the military or politicians got involved, the fun was over.

Ahsoka stretched her wings and winced when she hit the side of a cabinet with them. There was simply no space anywhere!

“Master,” Ahsoka complained on the training mats. “How do you do it?”

Anakin stopped carefully treading his hands through her feathers. “Do what?”

“Stand the space! The Temple is so much wider. I can’t wait to be back home. Or planetside, whatever comes first, I guess.”

Ahsoka craned her neck so she’d be able to look at her Master’s face. He was smiling only slightly. Far more prominent was his frown and the way his mech-hand twitched. The first time she had seen her Master look like that, they’d been on Tatooine.

“It’s just a matter of getting used to,” Anakin finally answered. “And to your luck, we already have a new mission taking us to a planet that is covered by cliffs and canyons.”

Forgotten about her Master’s behavior, Ahsoka fist-pumped the air. “Yes!”

The last time they had had the chance, she had gone cliff diving with her Master. It had been awesome, just like jumping from the Temple towers. Ahsoka couldn’t wait to do it again.

Then, suddenly, Ahsoka winced as Anakin tugged at one of the feathers she’s injured in the last fight. “Skyguy! That hurt!”

“Sorry,” Anakin apologized, and soothingly ran his hand over her back. “I don’t think this feather is salvageable.”

Ahsoka sighed. She’d already asked Kix if he could help her, but he had given her the same reply. She had hoped Anakin would be able to heal it.

“Is it a pretty one?” Ahsoka asked.

“Yes.”

She looked up again at her Master and the three feathers he kept braided into his hair. One was Obi-Wan’s, the other belonged to Ahsoka and the third, a light brown one, she didn’t know. Anakin had never really told her why he did it, only muttered something about traditions from his homeworld. The precise reason didn't matter, Ahsoka decided, as long as she knew that it meant she was important to him.

“You can switch it out against my old one then,” she decided and watched happily as he did so.

(Later, she’d wish she had asked her Master what it really meant when your wings were restrained. Zygerria left its scars on them in more than one way. In the aftermath, Anakin ensured Ahsoka would have plenty of space to unfurl her wings, but she never forgot the feeling of the heavy leather cords covering her white wings. As Fulcrum, she didn't know whether that experience was a blessing or a curse.)

X

When Anakin killed Dooku, his wings felt like a dead weight right up until he was back in Padmé’s arms. He was exhausted and hurting, but with her as the center of his world, everything would be alright. With Dooku dead, it was only a question of time until the war was over. He’d resign from the Order and move to Naboo with Padmé where they’d raise their child together. Obi-Wan could visit them and maybe they could track down Ahsoka as well, wrangle her into the flying lessons their child would undoubtedly need.

“Oh?” Padmé asked playfully as they fell into their bed. “So sure our son is going to take after you?”

Anakin smiled and pulled the blanket over them both before covering them additionally with his feathers.

“Our daughter,” he said, his emphasis not going unnoticed, “will absolutely take after me.”

“Alright, alright.” Padmé laughed. “Let’s just hope they don’t decide to learn how to fly by jumping off a building.”

Anakin pulled a face. Retrospectively, perhaps Obi-Wan had been right to lecture him with an ashen face after Anakin’s brilliant – and successful! – attempt at learning how to fly by jumping off a tower. Imagining his own child pulling a stunt like that was terrifying. Ahsoka had already known how to fly when she’d been assigned to Anakin. He hadn’t had to worry about her.

“They won’t,” Anakin mumbled. “We’ll all be there.”

(Princess Leia of Alderaan had been ten when she decided she wanted to fly. She hadn’t cared about the fact that it was as good as a death sentence if an Imperial knew you had the ability. Dressed only in her nightgown, standing on the balcony of their vacation estate high up in the mountains, Leia took a leap of faith. Halfway across the galaxy, a boy threw himself off the cliffs in Beggar’s Canyon in the exact same moment and for the split of a second, they connected.)

X

It wasn’t an easy choice, it was no choice at all.

It was over a decade of careful grooming, a Sith Lord running his hands over golden feathers, pretending to help preen the spaces Anakin could never reach on his own. It were the lies, the distrust, the pain, all the mistakes, anger and frustration and a childhood bound in chains Anakin had never been able to break entirely.

He needed to save Padmé and his unborn child. He had to protect them from harm, his nightmares come alive, so he took his ‘saber and marched to the temple, his army at his back.

(Some of their shots hit his wings, but in the void darkness of the Force, Vader didn’t even register it. He didn’t think of the younglings that used to beg him for lessons or let out delighted shrieks when he submitted to their pleas and let them brush through his feathers and keep the ones that broke off or came loose. He didn’t think because he was drowning, choking on his own tears, hoping it would all be over soon.)

X

Vader could hardly fly on Mustafar. It gave Obi-Wan a considerable advantage, but he had trained Anakin to be able to handle any possible disadvantage. He tried not to linger on the thoughts of his former Padawan, the boy he had raised and adored, as he battled the Sith Lord in front of him. The ashes of the volcanic planet settled on their wings, dragging them down until Ana- not Anakin, his brother was dead, Sidious had ruined him, until Vader was lying on the ground, screaming. He was tearing at the remnants of their bond, sharp claws tried to cut into Obi-Wan’s mind.

He wanted to reach out. He wanted Anakin back.

“You were my brother Anakin! I loved you!”

And if he were a better Jedi, he wouldn’t have watched Vader’s torment but taken his blade and ended the Sith’s life.

(But he couldn’t. He had told Yoda that he wouldn’t be able to kill him and he couldn’t bear to linger as he watched the once so beautiful golden wings burn.)

X

In the aftermath, while Yoda told Bail what to expect when raising a Force-sensitive child and how to hide little Leia’s presence, Obi-Wan sat curled up in the corner of the space station, holding both children close his chest. It should be no surprise that they’d take after Anakin, and yet Obi-Wan had been shocked still when he’d seen the soft gold color of their wings. He knew they wouldn’t keep their color for long, likely never actually see it themselves.

Alderaan’s royalty ate white hibiscus flowers that dyed their wings the same color and Luke would be fed japor oil on Tatooine as Anakin had once been.

Nobody would ever know that these children had survived and lived. They would be safe.

(On his way to Tatooine, Obi-Wan took great care that nobody saw his own red feathers or Luke’s golden ones. It didn’t occur to him that he’d be better off tainting his wings as well until he actually arrived on the doorstep of the Lars homestead.)

X

When Vader woke up again for the first time, even Sidious was surprised at the level of pain, fury, rage and despair that was tearing at the Sith’s mind.

Traditionally, Vader’s wings would have to be cut down, but it would prove much more futile if that darkness engulfing Vader wasn’t allowed to lower.

“Put him under again,” Sidious ordered.

The Jedi were either already dead or dying. It was only a question of time and the dark side taught patience so very well. Sidious didn’t have to concern himself with his Empire for a moment, no, he could focus on his apprentice fully.

His wings weren’t entirely ruined. The bones still remained, as did some feathers.

“Keep the skeleton,” Sidious mused as he imagined what he wanted his Lord Vader to look like. “Encase them in metal. Give my apprentice wings befitting of his station.”

Skywalker was dead. There would be no more Jedi claiming the skies for themselves and putting their precious light above Sidious’s throne and Vader would spent his every second remembering it through pain.

X

Force-sensitive people didn’t just stop being born because the Empire willed it so, but more children died or lost their wings in infancy than ever before.

It would be a lie to say that the few Jedi that remained didn’t consider mutilating themselves for protection.

What use were wings if you could never fly again unless you wanted to risk your life?

And yet there were enough who treasured the gifts they had been given, always hoping and reaching for a future where the darkness would cease dragging them down.

X

When Obi-Wan decided to die for the galaxy’s future, his wings were as black as his Padawan’s once had been when he was young and Obi-Wan had hoped to never see the color again.

Luke and Leia looked like two halves of the same being, not just physically but also in the Force. Obi-Wan was relieved to see how strong they were, already connecting and reaching out despite being unaware of their relationship. Separating them when they were young had been the right decision. Vader would have found them too soon.

Now all Obi-Wan could do was focus on the opponent in front of him, let all hope escape.

He had been aware of Vader’s presence ever since he had stepped on this monstrosity of a weapon. It mirrored Vader’s appearance all too well. Obi-Wan had heard stories about Vader had made out of himself, but seeing it in person almost took him back to Mustafar and the smell of burning flesh.

Darth Vader’s wings were massive metallic blades, clicking eerily with his every move. It was impossible to ignore the whirling sound of the machinery that made them functional. Vader’s wings were terror, they looked like bones encased in durasteel coffins.

They were nothing like Anakin Skywalker’s.

The wingspan was the same, larger than anybody else’s, but that was where the similarities ended. These wings had never covered an entire squad of troopers to protect them from debris, they had never been touched by something that wasn’t blood and gore. They looked as unnatural as they felt.

They were what horrified Obi-Wan Kenobi the most about his former apprentice’s appearance. He used to be so proud of Anakin’s beautiful golden wings, had spent hours helping his young charge groom them until Anakin had fallen asleep, his much too large wings draped over Obi-Wan’s shoulders.

(This would haunt him past his own death until he could run his fingers through golden feathers again. He had stood aside as Anakin’s wings, his soul, had burned on the shores of Mustafar and he had turned away.)

X

Luke Skywalker stood out in every room he was in. It wasn’t just his ridiculously large wing size, he simply seemed to draw people in. Leia especially enjoyed being near him. He knew all about the rumors crawling around their bases about the two of them and had Leia not been raised a princess, she would have thrown at least one punch.

Spending time with Luke reminded Leia of all the times she had been able to spend lazy mornings with her family. It felt like coming home, a balm that calmed the phantom pains that had haunted her since her childhood.

She was the first to see that Luke’s black wings were as much of a lie as her white ones. Leia hadn’t had any of the white flower tea since her imprisonment on the Death Star and she wasn’t used to grooming her wings herself. She knew her wings looked terrible and she knew some of her original color, of which her parents had never informed her, was starting to come through in some cases. Leia kept her wings bound, protection against the Empire, so she hadn’t actually paid as much attention to it until she found Luke staring at a gold feather lying innocently on the floor.

“Is this your original color?” Leia asked him and picked the feather up.

Luke slowly nodded and opened up his wings. The newest feathers stood out against the dark black. They were the same gold as the one in Leia’s hands.

“Yes,” Luke answered. “But that feather isn’t mine.”

With gentle hands he helped her brush through her wings, get rid of all the old and broken feathers she had damaged and hadn’t thought to take care of because she was busy fighting a war.

(In the end, it was no surprise to learn they were siblings. The Alliance had been calling them their golden twins for years already by then as both had shed their old colors and stopped pretending they hadn’t been made for the skies.)

X

The memory of Bespin, of clinging to the pole while he was forced to listen to Vader’s wings clicking against the metal railings and horrible truth he revealed, would haunt Luke for years. He injured his left wing while escaping and lost his hand in a fight that never should have happened. Back on Tatooine, his family had always told him not to draw too much attention, that it was dangerous for him, but had gotten so used to flying while he was staying with the Alliance.

If he fell here, he wouldn’t be able to fly away.

He chose to do so anyway, all while begging Ben to tell him why had told him such cruel lies, wondering what kind of person could stand to watch another burn.

(He had hoped Leia would catch him, but he didn’t expect her to look like a vengeful goddess, the orange and red of the skies reflecting on her wings like blood.)

X

Darth Vader died the same way he was born, in agonizing pain. He broke out of the Emperor’s hold and Anakin Skywalker took the monster that had enslaved the whole galaxy and killed him with slow, aching breaths. Luke was grieving, trying to drag Anakin’s heavy body down to the ships.

“Luke, help me take this mask off,” Anakin rasped.

Luke’s wings flared up. He’d been informed of their golden color, the same as that of the princess. He hadn’t dared to entertain the thought that perhaps it was not just one child, too afraid of what that would mean for his actions.

“But you’ll die!”

Beneath his mask, Anakin smiled. He didn’t deserve his son who was so kind he could even cry for a broken man like him.

“Nothing can stop that now. Just for once… let me look on you with my own eyes.”

Luke hesitated for a moment, then he slowly pulled the mask of Anakin’s face. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but then he saw his son for the first time. He was beyond stunned how much he looked like Padmé. His wings behind him illuminated the darkness of the hall like the sun.

He was beautiful.

All Anakin had dreamed of and more. He was glad that this was the last thing Anakin got to see. Everything would be well, there would be peace.

(And when death came, Anakin didn’t resist and scream and beg. He smiled, threw himself into Obi-Wan’s arms, the wings on his back lifting him to the skies as he watched the light shine.)

X

The sun was high in the blue afternoon sky and the air was so thick with excitement, tension, cheer and joy that you could almost taste it on your tongue.

Excitedly, they were all standing at the platform on top of the temple. From up here, they could see the pilots getting their fighters, people going about their day and, most importantly, a rather large group of Knights and Padawans and family members standing below them, cheering.

“Alright, Initiates,” Jedi Master Ezra Bridger said. “Today’s the day. Are you ready?”

“Born ready!” A very bold Trandoshan youngling said while the Togruta boy next to her only eyes the edge of the platform with a vary look.

“This is an age-old tradition,” Ezra continues as he slowly walked backwards. “My Master taught me how to fly like this and the Masters Skywalker and Organa learned how to fly the exact same way.”

The younglings looked at the other two Masters that had accompanied them to the very top, seeking their agreement. Leia stepped away from the back and walked to the front to her brother, letting her wings brush over the heads of the assembled children, causing them to giggle.

“We did learn that way,” Leia said, smiling in amusement. “Only we didn’t have anyone to catch us at the bottom should it go wrong.”

The group looked at the Jedi Master with big eyes. They couldn’t imagine making this jump without anybody ensuring them they’d be saved and would be caught before they hit the ground.

“Don’t worry,” Luke said as he stepped off the platform. “We won’t let you fall.”

(And no child of this new age did.)

Pining For You

Obi Wan Kenobi x Royal! Reader

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Wattpad saw it first at CarolineIsTheName in my book of ‘Random One Shots’ though has been altered a lot, sorry for typoes.

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You could remember the day that you first laid eyes on Obi Wan Kenobi, he was a young padawan that stood silently at the side of his master, Qui Gon Jinn. You on the other were a young queen, taking the thrown under horrific circumstances, leaving you to hurriedly be taught and explained legal matters by trusted advisors and to also be sent the two Jedi before you. The Jedi council thought it be best to have the two there to protect you, since you being in this new position left you vulnerable and your planet vulnerable as the tension between the Separatists and the Republic grew across the galaxies, both trying to reach their influence to anyone that would listen to bring them to believe their cause. As Queen though, you knew wherever the trust of the Jedi’s was placed in....your trust would be put into as well.

As the years flew by and you matured into a fine women and as a leader to your people, you found your heart yearning for Obi Wan who had also grown into a fine man as well, into a Jedi Master who had now taken his own padawan to train. Every time you saw Obi Wan and his padawan, Anakin, you couldn’t help but let your mind wonder to that moment Qui Gon and Obi Wan, a padawan himself at the time, stood before you, explaining their reasoning for being sent to you. Your heart would give a great thud within your chest every time you would be reminded just how much Obi Wan had matured alongside you and at how handsome he was now. Those thumps within your chest would have to be ignored, knowing it was wrong of you to pine over a man that simply couldn’t be yours in the first place. You knew it was wrong to daydream about his sweet lips trailing your cheeks, your lips, any available surface upon your body, to yearn for him to just whisk you away within his strong arms, or to sneak away into your room late at night to hold you fast asleep in his arms. These emotions taunted you day and night, teasing your heart for being so foolish to fall for a Jedi, a man not allowed to love or allowed to have such attachments. Those emotions of yours wouldn’t stop for anything, your stomach and heart fluttering and flipping on simple walks with him, quiet days spent together in the maze of the library that sat tucked away in the huge castle you thrived in, and days he would stand so close to you as you sat perched on the thrown as political visitors would propose treaties and ideas to you.

Though Obi Wan Kenobi couldn’t help but feel the same racing heart as you did as he let his cerulean eyes flutter to your face, your body, your everything. Just as soon as his infatuation would get to his heart, guilt would be soon to follow it. Obi Wan was well aware about the way everything had to be. He knew that he couldn’t press his lips sweetly against yours, let his hands hold onto your waist firmly, or to just sneak away to your chambers with the cover of night. How the master Jedi yearned to grab your hand on those long walks, to brush his callused fingers along your full cheeks as your read away the day in your library, and to brush his hands through your hair as you sat bored of the conversations shared with the guest from other planets across the galaxies. Even now he had to fight his urges as he watched you stretch to your tippy toes before him, reaching for a book, but it was all in vain as it still mocked your lack of height from its place upon the massive book cases that covered the walls and created a labyrinth throughout the room.

“Obi wan, would be so kind as to grab that book for me” you asked with a bit of frustration lacing your voice, “I apologize for interrupting the amusement you might find in my struggles” a blush crept upon your face as you saw him try to hide away the smile that was once at his lips that was placed there from your struggles of reaching by biting his lower lip. That only sent a tingle that flourished throughout you body. 

“I am terribly sorry my queen, but I must admit, I was extremely amused with your display,” Obi Wan spoke with a slight chuckle in his words. Taking a few steps forward, he reached a hand up along the shelf, hands gently pulling out the book from its respective place, bringing it back down to your eye level. Breath hitching in his throat, he realized how close you were to him which was dangerously close in his opinion. The desire to grab you and kiss you to the end of the galaxies lingered in his mind like a drug as he stared at the different shades and flecks of color within your eyes, listening to the breathes that were being taken in and released out from your lungs.

If only you knew how strong the desire was within him because it was burning within your chest too as your found yourself almost gravitating closer to him, like the two of you were opposite magnets that desperately needed to be together. 

“Thank you...,” Your voice managed out in a whisper. Just as your fingertips moved to take hold of the book, it softy slipped from your fingertips as Obi Wan gently set it aside, his cerulean eyes piercing into your own and ever so slightly flickered down to your full, pink lips. Those lips seemed to taunt him as his head leaned forward, only stopping when your nose bumped gently against his, your soft breaths dusting his face as he towered over you.

“May I?” his voice whispered out quizzically, receiving a soft nod of your head as your answer. Obi Wan took no time to gently press his lips against your own soft ones, a warmth instantly radiating across his body and your own. The gentleness within that kiss only lasted a mere second as it turned into a war of passion between your lips. Now pressed against the book shelf, the love, infatuation, and passion was bubbling out and into the kiss you shared now as your hands found their way into that hair you always dreamed of playing with, his hands squeezing the waist that he yearned of holding onto.The sound of footsteps and a voice made Obi Wan rip himself away from you, lungs now being filled with air that smelled like the old and new books that surrounded him.

“Master Obi Wan?” Came out the questioning voice of his padawan Anakin, who now stood awkwardly in front of the two flustered adults. Anakin couldn’t help but look suspiciously between the two of you.

“Yes? What is it Anakin?” he quickly spoke out, hands frantically fixing his hair, a breathless mess before his young padawan, you biting a smile from your lips as you looked away from the two. 

“The counsel has requested a report from you... are you alright?” Anakin asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked to the blushing mess that was his master. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” Obi Wan said with a nod of his head, placing his hands upon Anakin’s shoulders to turn him around and begin to lead him forward to begin to travel the maze to exit the library “But please keep this to yourself, alright? Now lets go to the counsel and let me do all the talking...,” he instructed, leaving you to listen to their voices gently fade away from your, but the ghost of Obi Wan’s hands and lips remained upon your body, leaving a flutter within you heart.

Now All Our Memories (they’re haunted)

"Your lightsaber is your life. Don't lose it." "The Emperor had promised him that he will be the one to eliminate Obi-Wan Kenobi. That he would be able to cut one of the last ties to Anakin Skywalker personally. One of them. Still one remained... The apprentice." Vader's thoughts and actions leading up to his discovery of Ahsoka's lightsaber.

(Read it on AO3)

"You were my brother Anakin! I loved you." "Anakin, you’re breaking my heart." "Anakin! Good luck."

Anakin... Anakin... Anakin.

The name means nothing to him anymore. The man it had belonged to was too trusting, too naive, too weak. But he was no more. That had been one thing Kenobi had done for him, in his final betrayal, he had freed him of the weakness that was Anakin Skywalker. Now only Vader remained.

Vader, who stood on the side of justice. Vader, who crushed his enemies under his boots. Vader, who had power the simple-minded Jedi could never have fathomed. Vader, who finally received the respect- no, fear- he was owed. Vader, who would never allow himself to be betrayed- to be weak- again.

The Emperor had seen to that. His suit kept him alive, but it also made him something other. Something no one, and no thing, could touch.

Padmé... Padmé was dead. And Anakin Skywalker's child along with her. Vader had learned of her death far too late to do anything about it.

Kenobi. Kenobi was the reason she was dead, why Anakin Skywalker could be no more. Just the thought of him, the source of his pain, brought a fiery, volcanic rage. Hotter than even the lava that had put him in this suit. The anger fueled him, gave him power, and would ultimately be the undoing of Kenobi.

3 months. 3 months after the dawn of the Empire, and still no word on where that wretched man had cowered down in fear. What hole was he hiding in, living in fear of the monster that took the place of the man he had betrayed?

The Emperor had promised him that he will be the one to eliminate him. That he would be able to cut one of the last ties to Anakin Skywalker personally.

One of them. Still one remained. The apprentice.

He knew from Anakin Skywalker's memories that she was on Mandalore shortly before the Jedi committed treason. Skywalker had dispatched her to detain Maul, and he had been informed of her success shortly after.

Vader told himself the small thrill of satisfaction he felt was purely for the fact that Maul was a stain on the name of the Sith, and Vader is his Master's one, true apprentice. It had nothing to do with Anakin Skywalker's padawan.

Though, she did possess potential. His Master had conceded that fact shortly after Vader had risen. Kenobi was an enemy… but the girl did not have to be. She had seen the Jedi for the hypocrites they were. She had left them when they betrayed her, just like they had betrayed him. Skywalker had seeds of the Dark Side in him, it was entirely possible he had passed those on to his student over the years.

Ahsoka Tano was all that remained of the man known as Anakin Skywalker.

His Master had already begun a search for Jedi that escaped the Purge before he had recovered enough to join him. Vader did not have a reason to enquire after the fate of Ahsoka Tano, he had no connection to her. Skywalker, however, had every reason to. Vader thought it was only fitting to know the fate of Skywalker’s apprentice, so he had searched the database of information on all confirmed Jedi eliminations for her name.

Kenobi had broken his family. He had betrayed him, poisoned Padmé against him… but Ahsoka… Ahsoka had not been with Kenobi. He had not had the chance to twist her thoughts and turn her against him, there was still a chance he could restore a piece of what he had lost. If she lived, he would not be alone. If she lived, then there was hope.

His Master had felt his -concern-hope-fear- and he had been punished. Nevertheless, the Emperor had allowed him to continue. After all, who better to help find the remaining Jedi than a disillusioned ex-Jedi?

Though the remaining Jedi were being hunted down, and many more had been confirmed dead since the Purge, there was still no report on the elimination of Ahsoka Tano. The clones that Skywalker assigned to her had received the order but had not confirmed her death. Nor had they reported in. They had simply disappeared, ship and all.

Luckily, the traitorous Jedi Council had proved to have one last use. The records kept in the soon-to-be Imperial Palace were meticulous, though it had taken time to crack the encryption on information he sought.

There. Maps and logs from all Star Destroyers from the day the Empire was born. It was simple work to find the ship the ex-padawan was on, escorting Maul to Coruscant.

The ship's last known location was in the Sumitra Region near Aquaris.

It had taken weeks of searching to find what remained of the ship, crashed into the face of an unnamed moon.

The reports sent by the scouts contained very little information that interested him. Anakin Skywalker’s apprentice had survived worse than a crashed ship and was smart and skilled enough to avoid being killed by clones.

In another life, the cold, snowy planet may have prompted a witty remark or a complaint. Now, there was not enough of a man inside the suit for the weather to be of any concern, nor were there any companions to hear him.

Vader took in the twisted form of the Star Destroyer with little more than a glance. The wreckage scattered on the icy surface was of no consequence- the moment he had landed he knew what his destination would be. While the bonds Anakin Skywalker shared with Kenobi and his padawan had been severed the moment he pledged himself to Sidious, he did not need them to recognize the call of a kyber crystal he would recognize anywhere.

There, buried under the snow, a hilt that had once been as familiar to him as his own hand lay forgotten. Skywalker had meticulously taken care of this lightsaber, had kept it close and meditated with it, in the hopes that he would be reunited with its rightful owner. Even now, with that connection broken, Vader could feel the crystal crying out, crying out for the person it never should have been away from. Crying out to the Force in grief.

Its owner is gone.

Vader drops to one knee, the movement the closest to losing control he has been since his rebirth. Gently, he wipes the clinging snow off the metal cylinder and wraps both hands around it. Skywalker had held this lightsaber in his hands countless times before- the Jedi believed that it was an extension of a person’s soul, and to entrust it to someone else was rare enough- even before the war. But Skywalker and his padawan had been close… they had trusted each other with their lives day in and day out.

Vader lights the saber before he truly understands why- the blue of the blade is distorted through his mask, but in his mind he can see it clearly.

Unbidden, a memory floats to the surface, Skywalker and the apprentice in a hanger… a smile, and a fleeting feeling of -pride-hope-happiness-.

“If you’re going to face Maul, you’ll need these.”

Above, a convor circles the sky, untroubled by the ice and snow. Distantly, Vader hears a low, mournful keening. So very little makes him pause now, but this bird captures his attention. It is free. There is no cage, there are no predators following it, it could leave this space for somewhere better. Yet, it stays, grieving as though it too has lost someone.

Vader extinguishes the lightsaber and clips the hilt to his belt. He does not spare a glance to the clone trooper helmets half-buried in the snow, or to the decimated ship still groaning in the wind, as he walks away. He will leave behind a team to search the wreckage for survivors, but he already knows they will find nothing.

“Your lightsaber is your life, Ahsoka, don’t lose it.”

Ahsoka Tano was a good student- opinionated, willful, and stubborn to the point of being disobedient- but also passionate, strong, and loyal. She was better than what Skywalker had deserved. For all his faults, he had trained her well, and she would never have forgotten that most crucial lesson.

“Your lightsaber is your life.”

No, this lightsaber was all that remained of Ahsoka Tano.

The apprentice does not live.

Every time I put together a list of STAR WARS fic recs, I keep wanting to add to it because, here’s the thing about this fandom, people keep writing more amazing fic. I’m especially fond of this set because it contains a whole bunch of novel/novelette length fics that made for incredibly satisfying readings, like, sure, we’re all worried about what TROS might bring, but it’s a lot easier to relax for awhile when I have twenty novels worth of fic to distract me. So, here, have a bunch of crying about some of the incredible fic this fandom has given us, before I decide, no, I’ll wait until I read just ten or twenty more fics (because I have them sitting on my reader to read already!) and cry about them at everyone, too. STAR WARS FIC RECS: TIME TRAVEL RECS: ✦ Legacy by myrlendi (thehistorygeek), luke & leia & obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, time travel, 130k wip    Three months after the Battle of Endor, Luke Skywalker goes in search of a rumoured Jedi temple in a secluded part of the Mid Rim. He finds within the temple nothing but a strange artifact, which unexpectedly brings him much closer to the Jedi of old than he ever thought he would be. ✦ The Desert Storm by Blue_Sunshine, obi-wan & jedi & cast (too many to tag), time travel, 409.3k wip    The storm screams at him, and Obi-Wan Kenobi screams back. PREQUELS RECS: ✦ One Thing You Lack by maychorian, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k    Considering how easily Anakin wins at just about everything, it’s only fair that Obi-Wan have the best of him in at least one area. ✦ Adrift by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin & padme & yoda & palpatine & cast, 32.5k    In the aftermath of painful revelations, Obi-Wan and Anakin struggle to come to terms with the heavy price of secrets. But the war gives no respite and soon enemies are closing in, putting the Team’s honesty, loyalty and trust in each other to the test. ✦ Help me, Master by fireflyfish, obi-wan & anakin, 2.4k    Obi-Wan Kenobi watched in a kind of numb horror as Anakin Skywalker coiled his legs and summoned the Force to his command. ✦ Anamorphosis by saltyavocado, obi-wan/padme & anakin & cast, 33.5k    A distorted or monstrous projection or representation of an image on a plane or curved surface, which, when viewed from a certain point, or as reflected from a curved mirror or through a polyhedron, appears regular and in proportion; a deformation of an image. ✦ Knightrise by Deviant_Accumulation, obi-wan & yoda & satine & ahsoka & cast, 22.4k wip    “Strong enough to fight the Sith Lord, you are not.“ And just like that the fight drained out of Obi-Wan, the barely scraped together agitation running out of him like water from a broken glass. He looked at Yoda, the other Master already hobbling towards one of the back exits, his presence burning with focus, obviously expecting Obi-Wan to follow. ✦ Ensuring The Future by Shouting_at_God_in_Latin, obi-wan & anakin & mace & cody & yoda & cast, 44.1k wip    When both Yoda and Darth Sidious have a vision of the future, both send reinforcements to Cato Neimoidia. One fleet is sent to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi, the other is to save his life. The fate of the Light requires Obi-Wan to stay alive until years after the end of the Clone Wars, but can he even survive Cato Neimoidia? ✦ Rainfall on Geonosis by ealcynn, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cody & cast, 33.9k    Obi-Wan Kenobi attempts to land his troops at Point Rain. Geonosis is not kind. ✦ Trust Fall by devilinthedetails, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 1.4k    Two generations of Masters and Padawans. Two generations of trust falls. ✦ Lay Me Down by TrickyTricky, rex & obi-wan & cast, 7.9k    War is hell, and the terrible fate that lies in store for the clone troopers casts its long shadow over them even now. ✦ -when skies are hanged and oceans drowned, by glorious_clio, bail/breha, 1.1k    Bail’s had enough, and goes home to Breha. They know just how to take care of each other. ✦ Something Borrowed, Something New by Raven_Knight, qui-gon & dooku/jocasta, 1.6k    Qui-Gon Jinn had only been claimed as Knight Dooku’s Padawan for three weeks before he’d managed to get himself into trouble with his Master. ✦ Vestiges by Quark_Logic, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k    While duelling in the Death, Obi-Wan tries to connect with Anakin through their old Force Bond, not really expecting it to work. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ not too particular, not too precise by AozoraNoShita, obi-wan/anakin & padme & ahsoka, modern au, 8.4k wip    Obi-Wan and Anakin both run food blogs and they have Opinions about each other’s recipes. Then it turns out they live in the same apartment building and they have the same friends and when they finally meet? It’s like a cooking competition meets a rom-com. Kind of. ✦ Upfall by bell (belldreams), belldreams, usomitai (belldreams), obi-wan/anakin & obi-wan/satine & ahsoka & cast, NSFW, 71.1k wip    Anakin is doing just about everything he can to hold himself together; it won’t last. ✦ Transactions and Negotiations by zarabithia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, light d/s, 5.3k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi is Anakin Skywalker’s favorite client. ✦ This time we’ll fall together by liv_k, obi-wan/anakin & padme & yoda & cast, 27.6k wip    In the aftermath of Order 66, Anakin Skywalker’s miraculous survival after his confrontation with the new Sith Apprentice Darth Vader ignites a sparkle of hope in the remaining Jedi, in the fledgling rebellion and, above all, in his former Master, who thought he had lost everything to darkness. But darkness is generous, and it is patient. ✦ Home by little_tales, obi-wan/anakin & shmi & mace & qui-gon & cast, NSFW, time travel, 39k wip    Time travel fix-it story with a bit of a twist. After his death, Obi-Wan wakes up on Tatooine, in the body of his padawan self. But instead of trying to prevent Anakin from Falling, he decides to change the future by stopping Qui-Gon from ever meeting the little Ani. ✦ After the Pillars Come Down by Virgo827, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cast, 19.7k    Anakin, Obi-Wan, & Ahsoka investigate the death of a Senator, and an accusation against the Jedi Order. But as the shadow of their last offensive campaign looms over them, the Jedi find it harder and harder to come to terms with what the war has made them. ✦ In the Heat of the Moment by Gwendolyn (storiesofchaos), obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 5.5k    In which Anakin and Obi-Wan are stranded on some lonely desert planet, and what first appears to be a dull, annoying mishap turns out to be full of pent-up desire and feelings that come to light. ✦ Mutual Acquaintances by Ghost_Owl, obi-wan/anakin & obi-wan/satine & anakin/padme & padme/satine & cast, 36.6k wip    In which Satine’s distress call puts Obi Wan under Council scrutiny, Anakin offers to save her for him as a Totally Platonic Favor, Satine would like one good day, please, Padmé has everything under control, and Maul manages to cause an even bigger problem than before. ✦ Adrift and Entangled by WhiteMoose, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & padme & maul, some torture, 68k wip    After the Hardeen operation, emotions are raw. But before anything can be fully sorted out, the boys are sent to Christophsis for their next mission. Things don’t go as planned, and they find themselves alone in an unknown system with no hyperspace capabilities and no effective means of communication. ✦ Distractions by SingManyFaces, obi-wan/anakin 1k    Being distracted by Obi-Wan wasn’t anything new, but the circumstances always were. ✦ untitled by subskywalker, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, some d/s, 1k    “Remember dear one,” Obi-Wan reminded him as he pet his curls with one hand while the other stroked his cheek gently. “If it gets to be too much or if your need a break just tap our signal, okay?” ✦ The Seduction of Anakin Skywalker by DontCallMeShirley, obi-wan/anakin & anakin/padme & obi-wan/anakin/padme & cast, 20.2k    Anakin is falling to the dark side. Obi Wan and Padme concoct a scheme to bring him back. ✦ So Warm by amyfortuna, obi-wan/anakin, 1.2k    Anakin needs body heat. Well, maybe he needs a little more than just body heat. ✦ untitled by subskywalker, obi-wan/anakin/padme, sith!obi-wan, sith!padme, 1k    Anakin falls in increments and everything else happens in between. ✦ Dear Fellow Traveler by Glare, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 17.4k    When strangers Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker both miss their flight, they become unlikely partners in the quest to get home. ✦ Satisfying Victory by zarabithia, obi-wan/anakin/ahsoka, NSFW, 3.4k    The Force gives and Ahsoka takes. (Or, Ahsoka goes back in time and is totally going to fix everything. But there’s another order of business to attend to first.) ✦ Cinnamon by birdcat, obi-wan/anakin, 2.4k    “Was it the same dream, today?” It took Anakin a moment to process Obi-Wan’s question. “Yes.” ✦ The Lives We Live Before the Present Moment by lyhoradka, obi-wan/anakin, 1.2k    The Jedi’s best-kept secret is that the Force lies. (Anakin finds Obi-Wan a flower.) ✦ Immortals by SingManyFaces, obi-wan/anakin/ahsoka, vampire au, ~1k    They tried to picture their lives without Obi-Wan, but they couldn’t. ✦ Soldier, Poet, King by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & dooku & cast, NSFW, time travel, d/s undercurrents, 102.5k wip    Second chances are very rarely given, but the Force smiles upon two of its favorite children and returns them to a time before their actions have met their consequences. ORIGINAL TRILOGY RECS: ✦ Yet Peace by theLoyalRoyalGuard, obi-wan & luke & cast, 3.7k    Grieving and unable to part with his best friend’s son, Obi-Wan raises Luke. Turns out, he’s pretty good at it. ✦ Hidden Relics by Burning_Nightingale, aphra & ahsoka, 1k    When Aphra goes searching for Sith relics on Malachor, she gets more than she bargained for. ✦ More Than Just a Treat by JessKo, obi-wan & luke & beru & owen, 1.3k    Beru and Luke bake cookies for Old Ben. REBELS RECS: ✦ we don’t have to have everything at once by Burning_Nightingale, thrawn/eli & thrass, 12.3k    Eli is reunited with Thrawn by chance on a mission for the Ascendancy; their changed circumstances give both the chance to voice things previously left unsaid. ✦ Lights In The Storm by Burning_Nightingale, thrawn/eli & faro, 13k    An Admiral being asked to investigate reports of smuggling at a tiny listening post in the ass end of nowhere would in normal circumstances be insulting - but Admiral Ballenrost is asking as a ‘personal favour’, and one does not turn down that sort of request from a man of his standing, even if one is the Imperial Navy’s most unorthodox and sole non-human flag officer. ✦ A Second Honor and Privilage by katsu, thrawn/eli & cast, NSFW, 10k    Eli and Thrawn smut held together with a thin veneer of plot. ✦ Dear by ambiguously, kanan/hera, fem!kanan, 4.8k    Kanan’s life has been a mess ever since Order 66, but now she has a new business partner and a new job to do. What could go wrong? SEQUELS RECS: ✦ Coneflower Honey by ambiguously, leia & rey & ben & finn, 3.2k    General Organa is seriously ill. The Supreme Leader of the First Order is the only person in the galaxy who knows what’s wrong with her. FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE!

My Current Mood on Rex and Order 66 (and why we should accept differing opinions)

First things first.... MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE CLONE WARS!!! DON’T READ BELOW IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS FOR SEASON 7, EPISODE 11. (Also, there is a TL’DR at the bottom)

Now.... I’m not gonna lie to you lot. I don’t know how to feel about the latest episode, specifically the role that Rex played in Order 66.

I never really like the Clones much... mainly because I was always convinced that they were the bad guys. I mean... they turned and betrayed their Jedi, and when Ahsoka became my favorite character, I was always paranoid that Rex would be the one to off her during Order 66, hence my dislike for him and the other Clones.

And then they did the arc with the inhibitor chip and Fives, and most of my anger at the Clones faded away. It wasn’t their fault, I saw that, and they couldn’t really be held responsible for what happened unless they went on to willing serve the Empire afterwards (looking at you Cody! XD)

Despite the revelation, I was still skeptical of the Clones. I no longer outright hated them, but I still didn’t really like them very much, including Rex.

Flash forward to Rebels, I wasn’t that excited for Rex’s return. I still didn’t really like or trust him.

And then he dropped the bombshell. He had removed his chip... and he hadn’t betrayed his Jedi.

From that point onward I started to warm to Rex because he had actually shown initiative and listened to Fives, getting the chip out in the process. Rex, in a weird way, redeemed himself in my eyes when he didn’t need to, to the point where I began to like him.

And then season 7 of Clone Wars began to air... and it was noted by many that Rex had not yet removed his chip, instantly raising alarm bells in my head. He had told Kanan he had removed it, and not betrayed his Jedi. If that was true... where was the scar?

And then Episode 11 occurred... and Order 66 went out... and Rex obeyed.

Instantly... all of those thoughts from the time before the chip reveal came back, and my mood on his character soured once more. To me, it seemed like I was right to distrust him all along, and I was annoyed that the writers had gotten me to like him, only for his ‘I didn’t betray my Jedi.’ and ‘Wolffe, Gregor and I all removed out control chips’ line to be seemingly proven a lie!

Now to make it clear, I don’t blame Rex or the Clones for Order 66. It was what they were created to do after all. They didn’t have a choice.

What did upset me though was the writers decision to have his Rebels line be essentially turned into a lie. He did betray his Jedi, even if he managed to resist it long enough to give Ahsoka the Fives clue. And he didn’t remove his chip...Ahsoka did.

Now, you can say that Rex pointed the way for Ahsoka... and I agree, he did... but the question remains, why didn’t he remove it beforehand when he had plenty of time to do so. Kix managed it (and yes, I know he’s a medic so it would be easier for him, but it just doesn’t seem like Rex’s character to ignore something this big, especially after the Krell incident, and Ahsoka’s trial!)

Still, in the end the chip is removed, so there is no real reason to be angry for Rex trying to kill Ahsoka. My main gripe, as I said, is the seemingly lie he told Kanan, a person who was quite obviously suffering from PTSD.

As a consequence of all this, I just don’t know how to feel about Rex’s character at the moment. I’m glad he sided with Ahsoka when he had the choice to do so, but the fact that he didn’t do anything about the chip beforehand and then lied to Kanan about it has upset me.

I know that next to no one shares this opinion, and I’ve already had been telling me I’m wrong for having it and that ‘I don’t understand Star Wars’ and ‘You’re not a fan at all’ because of it. Maybe that is the case... or maybe it’s just that everyone has their own opinion about everything.

I’ve seen a lot of discourse saying that Rex didn’t lie, and there are a lot of convincing arguments for it. However, in the end of the day, people take things differently, and not everyone is the same. I’m struggling to trust Rex right now, and that’s mainly down to the writing decision from Filoni and his team and the, in my mind, plot hole/retcon that had been created from it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone has their own opinion about events in Star Wars, and that we shouldn’t attack people for it. Instead, we should simply accept them, even if we disagree. I’m no fan of the Clones, nor Anakin for that matter, but I accept that other people are, and I’m not gonna tell them they are wrong for believing that Rex didn’t lie. In fact, I welcome your opinions as well, no matter how badly my messed up, depressed mind disagrees with them.

So just be kind to everyone at the moment people. Let them handle things their own way, and don’t do what the Star Wars fandom has a reputation of doing and lash out in anger. People like that have nearly driven others to suicide before.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter what we think of them, and every opinion and point of view is useful to some degree. If you guys think Rex didn’t lie, that’s fine with me, and I welcome your opinion. I just ask that you don’t attack others who don’t have the same opinion. There is already too much conflict going around in the fandom these days. 

Please... just... be nice. That’s all I ask. (not that anyone ever listens to me)

TL’DR: Be nice to everyone, even if the don’t share your opinion on a matter. Everyone deals with things in different ways. There’s no need to attack them for it.

The cover art of Junior Jedi Knights: Promises by Nancy Richardson has Anakin about to be eaten by a giant green dragon on what appears to be Tatooine while Sand People lurk in the distance and a terrified Tahiri swings a gaderiffi stick at the dragon while trying not to trip over human skulls. So I'm all-in, despite the incredibly vague title.

Anakin dreams he's back in the Palace of Woolamanders with the golden globe (not the prestigious TV award), arguing with a Sith who turns out to be... himself! Becuse if you're not grappling with the legacy of your fucked-up grandfather, then what is even the point of being named after him?

(I get why Leia names him after her father. I really do. Still, was it necessary to give this poor kid EVEN MORE ANGST than his siblings?)

Tahiri wakes Anakin up. Her six-month trial period at the Academy is up, and she has to go back to Tatooine to tell Sliven, the leader of her tribe, her decision. *hums "Should I Stay or Should I Go"* Of course, we already know what the answer's going to be, but okay fine, field trip to Tatooine, let's go.

As you can imagine, Luke has Opinions about these two:

Luke Skywalker studied the look of defiance. Green eyes flashed, and white blonde hair surrounded a stubborn nine-year-old face. Luke’s blue eyes didn’t falter as he waited for the child to speak. It would not be long. Tahiri was rarely lost for words. Luke thought about the time she and his nephew, Anakin Solo, had snuck away from the Jedi academy. They’d returned to the Great Temple in the middle of the night. Tired and dirty, Tahiri had immediately begun chattering, trying to take all the blame for the adventure, trying to keep Luke’s punishment from extending to Anakin. What Luke hadn’t told either of them was that they were two of the most promising students he’d ever seen. There was no way he would expel either student. They would make great Jedi Knights one day-if they could keep out of trouble long enough to learn to use the Force.

Trouble seemed to find Tahiri and Anakin. Only last week they’d returned bruised and battered from Yavin 8, where they’d gone to help another candidate, a Melodie named Lyric, survive her changing ceremony. While on Yavin 8, the two candidates had fought giant black rodents, vicious snakes, and a red-bristled spider that trapped its prey in thick black webs and consumed it alive. Luke Skywalker believed that experience was the best teacher in the use of the Force, but Anakin and Tahiri always rushed headlong into dangerous situations.

That worried Luke.

I don't know why Luke is surprised, given that he knows Leia and Han's approach to parenting, and also he's ostensibly been teaching the twins. Compared to the trouble Jacen and Jaina get up to, Anakin's barely scratched the surface.

Tahiri says she doesn't want to go back to Tatooine, but Luke mentions his own issues about not going back to say good-bye to his family there, and asks Tahiri if she wants that. Then Luke goes to ask good old Peckhum to take them all to Tatooine - because this time, Luke's going, too.

And Luke had a strange feeling that Tahiri’s family, the Tusken Raiders, were dangerous as well.

No, REALLY? YOU THINK?

Ikrit's going to spend the entire book sleeping in Anakin's bed again, I see. Smart guy.

Tahiri has a pendant macguffin with her parents' thumbprints - a gift from Sliven. Sliven won't talk about Tahiri's parents, and she doesn't know why.

“All I know is that the Tusken Raiders are the only family I’ve ever known. The only family I have. If I choose to remain at the academy, I’ll lose them forever. I’ll truly be an orphan.”

I don't see why it's an all-or-nothing deal, except for drama, but... okay then.

“I feel so mixed-up right now. I’m about to return to the only home I know. It’s a place I hate and love, both at the same time. Just as I hate and love the Tusken Raiders. My life is as confusing to me as the golden globe. Except, unlike with the globe, I don’t have any clue about who I really am. I don’t even know if Tahiri is my real name, or just a name given to me by Sliven.”

TAHIRI *IS* YOUR REAL NAME, YOU ALREADY SAID HE WAS YOUR FATHER. Look, I sympathize with Tahiri's confusion, because it's GOT to be hard to feel like you never fit into either world you belong to, but... ADOPTED FAMILY IS JUST AS REAL (sometimes more so) than blood family and I hope the final moral will be Tahiri learning that.

Oh, and I thought Luke was coming along, but no, it's Tionne! This makes sense because Tionne was the one who found Tahiri on Tatooine in the first place, and also I love Tionne, so I'm happy the author's given her something to do in this book.

The Jedi instructor Tionne glanced back to make sure her two charges were seated. Luke Skywalker had sent her to watch over Anakin and Tahiri on Tatooine-to make sure that nothing harmed them. And that Tahiri returned to the Jedi academy, if she wished.

HAHAHA, I already know from the cover this is not going to work out, but hopefully Tionne will at least give it the old college try...

The Sand People are waiting for them, and there's some initial conflict, which Tahiri quickly smoothes over. Tahiri isn't wearing her face coverings or shoes, and Sliven is okay with that, so I guess this book isn't going to go the whole "unclothed flesh is abomination" route of other Legends books. Also, the narrative always refers to them as "Tusken Raiders" which is NOT what they call themselves - it's what the settlers call them. This is fine if we're seeing things from Anakin's or Tionne's POV, but not when it's Tahiri's! That's NOT how somebody raised by these people would think of them!! ARRGH!!

Anakin wishes they'd landed at Mos Eisley. LOL. Like Tionne would ever take you there. He's distracted by Tahiri re-uniting with her bantha, Bangor - Sliven says they don't name them, but Tahiri does anyway. Tahiri has a rappor with Bangor because he's an orphan, too... And here Sliven (rightfully) gets mad and says she's not an orphan and they need to go.

You will not be surprised to learn that Anakin Solo hates sand.

Oh, apparently, the rest of the Sand People don't trust Tahiri and they're the ones who issued the ultimatum that she has to choose between them or the Jedi. I don't know why Sliven negotiated this homecoming-of-sorts, but plot, I guess.

“Sliven knows that if I choose to remain at the academy the tribe will refuse to take me back. I think that having me return to make my decision was Sliven’s way of giving me one last chance to remain with the tribe, and with him.”

“It sounds like he truly cares for you,” Anakin offered.

“Cares?” Tahiri weighed the word thoughtfully. “In his own way, I know he does. But he’s never cared enough to give me the one thing in my life that I wanted. He has never told me the story of how he found me. And if he truly cared, he would give me my history,” Tahiri ended sadly.

I am 100% on Sliven's side here, although I sympathize with Tahiri's yearning to know more about her past.

There's a woman named Vexa, who hates Tahiri. She also hates Sliven because he brought an outsider into the tribe. If Tahiri lives, Sliven gets to lead, and if not, he's going to die. Tahiri is pissed because Sliven never mentioned this before.

(Tionne is doing all the translating here for some reason, even though Tahiri is speaking in Basic to Vexa, and it's not clear to me if the narrative has established that why she WOULD speak Basic?? But okay...yay, Tionne!)

Basically, Tahiri's trial is a version of a walkabout in the Dune Sea and Jundland Waste crossed with hide and seek to rejoin the tribe. If she doesn't do this, she has to go back to the Academy and Sliven dies. Now Tionne is pissed because neither she nor Luke knew this was on the table, and they don't want Tahiri getting hurt.

Sliven's bait for getting Tahiri to participate is the truth about her parents.... which seems really convoluted and complicated, but okay. Of course Tahiri accepts, so Anakin decides to go to. Tionne tells them no but Sliven says they'll fight her, so... there's that. Okay then.

(Sigh. Tionne, you're a Jedi! Use your words to persuade them! Sing them to sleep or something! Don't just stand there and... abdicate responsibility here!)

(Yes, I know this is JF and that's why Adults Are Useless, because this is an escapist fantasy for the youth, but... really? REALLY??)

Sliven was injured in battle with smugglers and taken in by Cassa and Tryst Veila, two moisture farmers, and their three-year-old Tahiri. He becomes part of the family - they teach him Basic, he teaches Tryst how to fight with a gaderiffi. In a plot decision that makes me wince, Tryst is instantly better than Sliven, despite the fact that Sliven has trained his entire fucking life with this weapon and I just... Can't Even... but Tryst was Force-sensitive and I'm just... THAT'S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS, OKAY???

Anyway, Sliven and Tryst are sparring, and the rest of the tribe (do they have a name?? apparently not) see them, think Sliven's being attacked, and kill Tryst and Cassa. Vexa wants to let Tahiri die, too, and Sliven refuses, so they make this stupid bargain. Apparently, the Sand Peoples' kids reach adulthood at nine, so that's why they're doing this now. Oh, and Sliven made the thumbprint necklace macguffin after Tryst and Cassa died, which is... really creepy. Sliven is consumed with guilt, and Tahiri lectures him about caring and I just... can't... even...

But she wants Sliven's thumbprint on the macguffin next to her parents, so at least she gets THAT right.

Anyway, they drop Anakin and Tahiri in the desert and ride off, and Tahiri nearly gets eaten by a tentacle monster (a Sarlacc? unclear) and Anakin has to save her, and I just... why. Tahiri grew up here, she should know how to handle this planet, not be rescued by Anakin, who's never been here in his life. Fuck that.

Next encounter on the wandering monster table is... Jawas! Anakin fixes their broken sandcrawler with his magic tech powers, but only after mind-tricking them into letting him aboard, and I just... I feel like this is ethically compromising and maybe somebody who's worried about becoming like his evil granddad maybe should be a bit more careful about manipulating the free will of sentient beings??

Anyway, they jump-start the crawler and the grateful Jawas give them food and water and a ride and two gaderiffi sticks. Womp rats scream in the distance. They find bodies. They're being stalked by a krayt dragon but Tahiri only thought to mention that now.

Krayt dragons were large carnivorous reptiles that lived in the mountains surrounding Tatooine’s Jundland Wastes. Some thought that the dragons no longer existed, that they’d become extinct when settlers came to Tatooine, exposing them to various infections as well as hunting them for food and trophies.

This is an interesting world-building detail I'd never heard before!

Anakin tries to mind-trick the krayt dragon, but it doesn't work, so Tahiri rescues him. They make it out, and keep going. They're almost out of water, and Tahiri finds a hubba gourd for Anakin's wounds. Tahiri decides to use the Force to call Bangor, and it doesn't work until she and Anakin call together. They get back just as Vexa's trying to declare Tahiri dead. Tahiri makes a dramatic entrance.

Sliven wins! He says this means Tahiri is now a part of the tribe for real. Tahiri disagrees:

“I now understand that I was never a Tusken Raider. The skills we both used to survive weren’t the skills of a Raider. We used the Force. And now I know that I’m meant to attend the academy. To grow strong, and to use that strength to break the curse of the golden globe, and one day become a Jedi Knight.”

WHAT. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T USE ANY OF THE SKILLS SLIVEN TAUGHT YOU TO SURVIVE. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

(It's fine if that's Tahiri's decision - indeed, given the set-up of the book I would expect no less- but the reasoning here. I just... arrrrghhh.)

“What about Sliven? Won’t you miss him?” Anakin asked.

“That’s the hardest part,” Tahiri said sadly. “I love Sliven, but I know that I belong at the Jedi academy, not with the Sand People.”

“Then let us leave here,” Tionne said.

FINALLY TIONNE TAKES SOME AGENCY BESIDES STANDING AROUND AND LOOKING WORRIED.

But Tahiri gets Sliven's thumbprint on her pendant and take care of her bantha (forever!) and they leave. Anakin has a fever from his wounds. Luke is not pleased.

Luke Skywalker waited for the Lightning Rod’s cargo bay to open. Slowly the massive jaws of the bay yawned wide, revealing Luke’s nephew and Tahiri. Luke was pleased to see that the girl had returned. She belonged at the Jedi academy. He moved forward to greet the Jedi candidates.

“Welcome home-” Master Luke began. But his words caught in his throat as he stared at his students. Anakin struggled to stand and walk down the cargo bay’s ramp. Old Peckhum held one of his arms tightly, steadying him as hewalked. Anakin took several tottering steps, then fell forward. Luke anticipated his nephew’s collapse, and caught the boy in his arms.

Gently he lowered Anakin to the ground. Anakin’s academy jumpsuit was shredded on one side, revealing five gashes. There were dark circles under his eyes, and bruises were visible on his neck and hands. Tahiri knelt by her friend. The girl did not look much better, Luke thought in dismay. Spots of dried blood lined her jumpsuit in a pattern that looked like jaw marks. She, too, looked tired and hungry.

Luke’s eyes met Tionne’s for a brief moment. From her look of torment, he knew she’d tried her best to protect the children.

“Hi, Uncle Luke,” Anakin said with a small voice.

“What happened?” Luke asked in a voice full of worry.

“The Tusken Raiders had a little more in mind for me than just deciding whether or not to remain with the tribe,” Tahiri replied.

“We’ll talk later,” Luke said quietly to Tionne. “Right now, you are both going to the medical droid.” With that, he swept his nephew up in his arms and strode toward the turbolift, with Tahiri trailing.

I CAN'T. I CAN'T EVEN.

WHAT THE HELL IS LUKE GOING TO SAY TO TIONNE?

Anakin wakes up attended by a medical droid and also Luke. Leia wants Anakin home, but Han and Luke intervened. Remind me why Leia sent her kids here again? Doesn't she KNOW Luke's teaching style by now?

“Now get well, or Leia will never forgive me,” Luke instructed. Luke Skywalker sat beside his nephew as he slept. He wondered if the strange feeling of untold danger he’d sensed before sending the children to Tatooine had been a premonition of the promise Tahiri had chosen to keep. Luke closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. At least the children were safe.

No, Luke, that was called BEING A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, and YOU MISSED IT YET AGAIN.

Anakin falls asleep and goes back to his dream from the beginning, and uses the Force "to control his inner self", whatever that means. Tahiri wakes him up. Ikrit makes a dramatic entrance.

The Jedi Master, his white fur and the stones of the Great Temple strangely blending, scurried from the corner and leapt onto the window ledge. “After all,” he rasped, “this is only one battle of good versus evil. There will be others, if you are not up to the fight.”

Thnks, Captain Obvious! Anakin and Tahiri decide to go ahead and Ikrit... runs away, because they have to do this On Their Own. Sigh. This time, they walk to the Palace of the Woolamanders and I don't know why they couldn't just do that in Book One. Sigh. The evil voices try to use Tahiri's history against her, and she cites ALL her parents in rebuffing them. YES, GOOD. Then they try to use Darth Vader against Anakin and he laughs and the evil subsides. YES, GOOD.

Anakin and Tahiri enter the globe and free the childrens' spriits. The globe shatters and I half-expected the temple to crumble to pieces as they leave but it doesn't. Apparently, Ikrit went to get Luke, who is waiting for them outside.

“You know everything?” Anakin asked his uncle, gesturing toward Ikrit.

Luke Skywalker nodded. He wrapped his arms around Anakin’s and Tahiri’s shoulders.

“I am very proud,” Luke said, his eyes meeting theirs.

Slowly the group walked back toward the Jedi academy. For the first time in a long time, Anakin and Tahiri were not heading toward danger, but simply toward the future-adventure, the Force, and their ultimate goal: to become Jedi Knights.

The end.

OKAY THEN.

So, I didn't think the globe arc was going to resolve so quickly, but okay, fine, whatever. I thought that was going to be an entire book on its own. Tionne is basically useless here, which annoys me and I don't even know why she came at all. Luke is incredibly irresponsible, and Ikrit doesn't do anything. WHY. WHY. SUCH A WASTE. Sliven deserves better, and this book makes me angry at Tahiri for treating him the way she does for most of it. The crappy worldbuilding makes me cranky. I didn't feel like Books 1 and 2 could benefit much from re-writes, but this one is crying out for fix-it fics because HONESTLY.

I was tagged by @antirococoreaction to talk about five male characters I love

(God, only five? However will I choose between my boys >_< ?!)

This is most certainly not going to be a literary as your offerings, lmao. When it comes to literary fiction I mostly like Kafka and Kafka, by the nature of his writing, writes thoroughly unlikable characters.

This got way too long bc I’m incapable of not gushing about my faves when given the chance lol 

Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender

It is my enduring opinion that if you want to see a redemption arc done right, look at Zuko’s arc in The Last Airbender. He’s a scared, abused kid who managed to build up personal morals in a system that discouraged them, and was harshly punished for daring to voice them. He’s someone who always wanted to be good, but struggles with defining what good is, given that his culture and upbringing has taught him one thing, but his heart (and his uncle) tells him another, and his new experiences reinforces that. After he figures out what “good” looks like, he’s always held accountable for his past actions. He makes amends, and he accepts it, for the most part, when people aren’t ready to receive them. His anger issues, as well as how he sees himself as someone who had to be hardworking because he isn’t talented (however far from the truth that may or may not be in reality) are also aspects of him that appeal to me and indeed that I relate to. 

Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars

My love for Anakin is not dissimilar to my love for Zuko, though the quality of the writing in question certainly is. I love an edgy boy, is what I’m getting at, I guess :’D More seriously, Anakin’s story is ultimately one about control, which is a subject that interests me quite a bit. Anakin is never, at any point, really in control of his own life. He’s never really truly free. He’s born a slave, he joins the Jedi Order and he becomes Palpatine’s apprentice. He always exists within rigid systems of control, until his very lasts moments with Luke before he dies. With how Palpatine essentially groomed him, thinking of Anakin as equally a victim of Palpatine and a perpetuator of his (metaphorically speaking) abuse is also interesting to me. Certainly his clearly distorted thinking (eg convincing himself he can’t trust Obi-Wan, for instance) is also hugely important to his appeal to me. Also? He’s SO EXTRA I can’t with him lol 

(That’s your LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM you turned off, Anakin!!! I know you’re depressed and dissociated and also The Drama but damn!!!!!!)

Nicodemus Ravens from The Shamer Chronicles (Skammerens børn)

The Shamer Chronicles is a series of Danish fantasy books for kids, and probably the most popular books of that type (particularly the first book, The Shamer’s Daughter). Nico is a major character, though never a POV one. 

Nico was, essentially, abused by his father for not living up to the male gender role. He didn’t want to learn to use a sword, he didn’t want to kill, and his father hated him for it. As a result, he’s a teenage alcoholic and profoundly at war with himself. He constantly have other people telling him narratives about who he is/should be: first, he’s the younger son who should bring his father glory, then he’s the heir unfit for the throne, then he’s, depending on the political position of the character in question, either a monstrous murderer who must be killed by the glorious leader or the rightful heir to throne, a hero ready to bring war to his enemy and liberate his people, then rule them in benevolence.

Nico doesn’t want to be any of those things. He knows who he is, is stubborn about it, but also can’t shake the belief that his relative pacifism is really just cowardice. I’m just going to quote one of my favourite scenes here (forgive the translation, it’s my own, I don’t have the official one at hand):

“[...] They want a hero, I think.”

“Is that so bad? It’s better than being a monster, at any rate.”

“You think? Have you noticed how often heroes die in battle? Of course everyone mourns them afterwards and write beautiful ballads about them, but the heroes remain dead. Stone-dead. And I’m in no hurry to get on my white steed and start slaughtering people until someone better or luckier than I sticks a sword in me. No, thank you.”

He looked both obstinate and shameful, as if he thought he really should get on his white steed and all of that. I could understand why he didn’t want to die, and yet… Well, I think I’d always expected him to return to the Lowlands to fight Drakan at some point.

“What do you want, then?” [...]

“I just want to be me,” he whispered. “Is that so terrible? I just want to be Nico and not a lot of other people’s hero or monster.”

Anyway there are Two Crimes when it comes to Nico: the fact he isn’t gay in canon and how so many adaptations turns him into the Generic Fantasy Hero he’s a very conscious subversion of in the books (the other principle male character is essentially someone who’s hurt by toxic masculinity as someone who buys into it, while Nico ofc is hurt by it because he doesn’t/can’t, so the series certainly had an opinion about it). 

Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter

Dumbledore is, to me, someone who chose what was good for the world over his own happiness. He chose to be the one to dirty his hands, the one two make the terrible decisions, do the terrible things, that were necessary in the battle against facism. There is something very brave and admirable about that to me. It’s not that he never did anything wrong, he certainly did, but again, I think he was very aware of the terrible things he was doing, and part of the reason he keeps everything so close to his chest is because he doesn’t want anyone else to have to make those decisions, to have to feel that blood stain their hands. Dumbledore loves the people in his care profoundly, he loves Harry profoundly. And it kills him to have, as Snape puts it, “brought him up like a pig for slaughter”. 

Whether something is morally justified and whether it’s necessary to prevent evil are two different questions, and I don’t think Dumbledore feels particularly justified, but I do think he does what he perceives to be necessary to prevent facism. And hates himself for the decisions he takes along the way. And all of that comes back to, to some extent, his survivor’s guilt over the death of Arianna and the profound wake up call that was Grindelwald 1) turning on his family 2) being a very violent fascist, rather than just a theoretical one like teenage!Dumbledore was. In his mind, Dumbledore is already condemned for what happened when he was 18, so it’s better that it be he who takes the terrible things upon himself than an “innocent.” It’s better that he try to atone. Dumbledore is working towards a redemption he never (to his mind) arrives at. 

In regards to his sexuality, Dumbledore was certainly written with the trope of a “tragic old closeted gay” in mind, but of course JKR never made anything much canon aside from his “flamboyant” sense of style (that the movies have ROBBED us of >:( ) and hobbies, so to a certain extent, I get to ignore that homophobic intent. In the books themselves, the only thing you can really read between the lines is that Dumbledore was in love with Grindelwald, not whether it was 1) reciprocated 2) acted upon, so with only the canon, we also get to mitigate some of the Implications of “Dumbledore dated Wizard Hitler for a while”.... 

I mean I do Love Mess(tm) so Dumbledore having that terrible wake up call is certainly also part of the appeal for me. Personally I enjoy the interpretation that Grindelwald deliberately manipulated Dumbledore’s feelings. 

Captain Flint/James McGraw from Black Sails

BE GAY DO CRIME BE GAY DO CRIME BE GAY DO CRIME BE-- *coughs*

As you might guess from my description of Dumbledore, a lot of the reasons I love Flint are similar to why I love Dumbledore (and Solas, but we won’t go in to Solas rn lol). Flint is also someone who chooses to do the terrible, necessary things, who chooses the fight over his personal moral cleanliness. In a more obvious and extreme way than Dumbledore, certainly, but the principle is essentially the same. Of course, Flint’s fight is personal in a completely different way from how Dumbledore’s is. Flint’s fight is simoultaneously his revenge, a fight against the corrupt system that ruined his life and a fight for something better. Dumbledore is defensive, Flint is offensive. 

The self-integrity he has is truly amazing. He’s cast aside by everyone but Miranda, and yet he never starts thinking he has anything to apologise for. To ask for a pardon would be to ask for forgiveness, and he doesn’t think he needs to be forgiven. Not for loving Thomas, not for anything he did while he was still English. He perceives the reality of the situation, he sees what is right and what is wrong, and he knows that he is the wronged party. He stares at the behemoth of the entire social structure of his world and says: No. You move. I am not in the wrong. England should apologise to me.

Flint is my angry gay dad and I love him. 

I tag (as always, completely optional ^^ ): @teddy-stonehill​ @thebearmuse​ @andvaka​ @solitarelee​ @gallifreyanathearts​ @sinni-ok-sessi​ @melle93​ @papanden​ @seimsisk​

I feel a bit dishonest leaving Grantaire off of this list, lmao, but I talk about him enough as it is. 

Other honorables mentions go to: Enjolras (Les Mis), Captain Jack Harkness (Doctor Who/Torchwood), Solas (Dragon Age), Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium), Harry Potter, Remus Lupin (Harry Potter) and my soap boys Robert Sugden (Emmerdale), Richard “Ringo” Beckmann (Unter Uns) and Ben Mitchell (Eastenders). 

I saw ROTS for my birthday , loved it but damn it I wanted Ben to live!! I blame the fact that Western is obsessed with death and People getting what they deserved with no chance for redemption.

I’m so happy to hear you saw it!! :D And happy belated birthday!! ^_^ 

Here are my thoughts on the matter: 

I knew that no matter what was going to happen - if Kylo Ren was to be redeemed and become Ben Solo again - he was going to die. There was no way to expect it otherwise. Sure, I had hoped that maybe he wouldn’t die - we’d get to finally see one of the “Skywalkers” have a life after what he’d done. 

But remember - Kylo Ren was bad man. The First Order was bad. Hello - they killed 5 planets at once. He watched as that happened. Sure, he didn’t shoot his mom like he could have in TLJ, but he didn’t stop the trooper that did. Does that mean if he’s Ben Solo, he’s atoned for those crimes against the galaxy?? Or does that mean you have to arrest him/put him on trial/etc in order to understand that peace will remain? 

Trust me - I wanted him to live. I’m such a diehard Reylo fan that this movie was EVERYTHING I WANTED, and then some. I know a lot of my friends enjoyed the film, and I’m like “I saw a different movie than you did” because of my love for this ship. By him sacrificing himself for Rey - I think that’s an honorable act after his redemption - it was the final piece to the puzzle. I honestly think it was a necessary plot device because of those complications that come with being Kylo Ren. I don’t think his death was in vain - which I think I might be in the minority with that. Plus - he harnessed the power that Anakin so desperately wanted for Padme, and used it as a Light side of the Force, rather than Dark. Again, more redemption for the ‘Skywalker’ clan, in my opinion. And boy, am I glad they had their kiss. Would I have liked more? Sure. But again, see the paragraph above - how would it work? Bless the fanfic authors that will give this pairing the happy ending they deserve because I know a lot of us shippers need that happiness. I am sad, though, that they missed an opportunity to put him as a Force ghost at the end of the film. I mean, I get why it was just Luke and Leia, and twin suns and all that bullshit. But the dude literally disappeared and left his clothes behind. We know he’s a ghost now. Show him to us, you cowards. 

And what the hell - he was the only ‘Skywalker’ to not lose a hand. Bullshit. 

Also - his last line of the film being ‘Ow’?? Perfection. LOL.