#he is not in this episode but his fans will probably enjoy the full fic regardless
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i've been meaning to read through all the charlie/the scientist fics on ao3, just have not yet found the time, but do you happen to recommend any of them?
Oh do I!
Anon, I'm delighted you're sending me this. I've fallen so hard for this pairing, and I never get the chance to talk about them. In no particular order, here are my favorite Charlie/Scientist fics from AO3, and why I love each of them so much:
holding you is bettering me by wobbeegong: Charlie spills potentially dangerous lab chemicals on his clothes and proceeds to wear his dirty laundry for two months. The Scientist falls in love with him anyway.
I absolutely adore this fic, and I've come back to it many times. It has a slow enough build, cats, awkward miscommunications, typical shenanigans via The Gang, and it's written in a way that feels natural to the characters. It's written in Charlie's POV, which honestly makes watching Doc grow more and more smitten even more adorable in my eyes.
My Funny Valentine by notastranger: Charlie has to work on Valentine's Day, but that's not going to stop him from celebrating the holiday.
Oh my goodness do I enjoy this one. This is a part of notastranger's series The Adventures of Charlie and Scientist, after the two have been together for some time. We get the chance to see Charlie's more romantic side, Dennis being lowkey jealous, and Doc being just a wee bit territorial. I highly recommend this whole series, but out of all of them this is the one I come back to most.
Doc Takes a Risk by Springandastorm: This fic has it all: katana schemes, incompetent police, love confessions... Basically Doc decides to finally tell Charlie how he feels. What could go wrong?
The story opens in Doc's POV, and it is just so full of warmth and love that I melt every single time. And of course to balance it all out, you have The Gang scheming, Charlie's complete inability to read a situation correctly, a much beloved kitty cat, and a flowing dialogue that feels canonly episodic. It's also a part of a series, charbitch<3, and I do highly recommend taking a trip through them all.
The Charlie Effect by Vituperative_cupcakes: The science bitch proposes a new experiment, one that involves studying Charlie up close and personal for an extended length of time. However, his subject has an infectious personality and it becomes hard to remain objective. Will science triumph or will he fall prey to the Charlie effect?
My god I love these two idiots. Doc (at this point it's just his name to me) decides to run another round of pills with Charlie, opting instead to do the observations himself. What follows is an almost epic tale involving knife-gloves, beat-boxing karaoke, disturbing heart-to-hearts with Frank Reynolds, and a healthy dose of blackmailing one's student. This one is always a fun ride!
The Gang Destroys the Science Bitch by WaldosAkimbo: The shouting escalated to threats, violence, and incoherent rage as the three pointed around, here, there, over there. The bar itself put into question. Because nobody. Goddamn nobody wanted to be left to do Charlie Work while Charlie was out…on a fucking vacation.
There are... There are so many things I love about this fic. The episodic feel, the characterizations for The Gang, the guest appearance, Charlie once again being one of the smartest people in the room, Doc being Fed Up, the comfort at the end. It's part of a bigger series called Charlie and The Scientist- A Study in Mutually Beneficial Affection.
The Long Game by IncongruentDesignations: See, Charlie can be kind of dumb, at times. But that doesn't mean he can't read.
Okay, so if you've been reading my Sunny tags for a while, you probably know that I think Charlie is actually far more intelligent than he lets on. And this one-shot? This is written by someone who feels almost the same way. If you're a fan of a smart, manipulative Charlie Kelly who has a rich life outside of The Gang, this one is for you. My only complaint is that there isn't more to it; I really wish it was longer because I'm genuinely obsessed with the premise.
doctor, doctor (give me the news) by ApprenticeofDoyle: Charlie gets knifed, and makes a friend.
Thanks for the ask, Anon! Happy reading!
Okay, I lied; this may be my favorite- well, 1/4 of my favorite anyway. This is the first installment of a four part series called doc and dayman, and I am in love.
This first installment focuses on just how Charlie and Calvin actually start to get to know one another, and sets the building blocks for the next few installments.
I don't- I don't want to give away too much, but this series is the Charlie/Scientist saga that I turn to whenever I want to read something comforting. It has so many highlights for me: Charlie discovering manicotti, Mac developing a conspiracy theory, an amazing approach to writing a demi character with lingering trauma, Burn Calvin repeatedly getting to be a badass, Charlie Kelly getting the loving support he needs, dorks being in love-
Just, please, trust me. This one is definitely worth the read!
#anon ask#!!!#hello friend!#sorry for the delay but i hope it was worth it~#charbitch#charlie kelly#rat king#science bitch#the science bitch#the scientist#it's always sunny in philadelphia#iasip#fic recommendations#i mostly blame the delay on the fact i got distracted reading a little of these as I was making this post#i am so soft for this pairing it's honestly embarrassing#which... i need to get back to my wips :)#thanks for the ask!
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I've seen the end of Prime. I didn't think it was super bad, but I absolutely do think it's in the same boat as Forces after all is said and done. Complete with the goldmine for fix-it-fics.
I still stand by saying that Nine justified the show existing. I wish he wasn't left to be isolated in the Grim because that puts him right back to the status quo of his life. Isolated and hurt.
Above all else, it's obvious as hell the show needed more time in all directions. More time in the oven, and more runtime than a single 23 episode season. I have to wonder how the production of the show was behind the scenes, as well as if the Writer's and Actor's strikes had anything to do with how much this season stumbled.
under a cut because i dont really want to spread negativity about this show, i honest to god overall liked it. or, at least liked it enough that i dont feel comfortable participating in raking it over the coals. again, im not the target audience, but if i was, i would've absolutely *loved* it, no holds barred.
i do think the ending with nine was kind of a bummer, yeah. but ultimately i think the door is still open for other adventures with him reintegrating with other shatterspace inhabitants. i think nine and rusty rose could have a healthy friendship at some point. plus i think a lot of the other shatterspaces maintain the ability to travel which could have plenty of stories leading from it, not just with nine but with one another and sonic's main universe.
genuinely, my only complaints that feel legitimate are 1) sonic's personality, 2) the majorly extended fight scenes and overall pacing between scenes with the emotional depth i was watching for, and 3) "it's canon to the games"
everything else i didn't fully enjoy was purely because i am not the target audience. im not a fan of childish humor, i like more nuance with jokes and i dont think pointing out the obvious is all that funny, etc, etc. but this was written for kids, so that's just not a legitimate complaint imo. honestly even my #2 complaint doesn't feel all that legitimate, because the target audience probably doesn't really crave that same level of emotional complexity and might prefer the long flashy fight scenes -- why could explain why there are so many, and why they're so long.
but i think overall that anything that didn't stick the landing for me was #3, because of the producers saying that it's canon to the games timeline. because of that, the expectations were heightened by people like me, who care about things like timeline placements -- and we're generally older fans with a long history with the sonic franchise and laughably high expectations and a sense that the sonic franchise should just 'go back to when it was good' rhetoric... compare that to the actual target audience: kids. an 8-12 year old probably isn't going to care about timeline placements. if they would have just not mentioned games canon, a lot of older fans could've enjoyed this more because it would've been disconnected and not beholden to so many expectations. that's its biggest flaw, imo, and that's not a flaw of the series, only with its marketing.
...for my specific timeline concerns..... when i said everyone's clamoring for sonic to 'return back to when it was good' -- the advance series is actually what a HUGE amount of people consider to be the peak of sonic. and guess what sonic prime is meant to immediately follow? sonic advance 3. to be honest the only thing that throws me off is the idea that they all live in green hill, including knuckles. after sonic advance 3, angel island is where it usually is and knuckles is living there full time again, watching over the master emerald. that's my only real concern. i dont worry about people saying it doesn't make sense not to include blaze or silver, because again, this was meant to be set after sonic advance 3, which was released in 2004... before sonic rush came out in 2005 and introduced blaze, or sonic 06 came out and introduced silver. so i dont really care about them not being included, it makes sense for them not to be there, imo.
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I was tagged by the wonderful @kmackatie, thank you!
Last song/piece I listened to: not to sound like a huge killjoy, but I don't listen to all that much music lol. I can't really have music on in the background when writing/doing work where I need to think (too easily distracted) and when i do more mindless work i prefer to listen to audiobooks or podcasts over music. Mostly I listen to music while driving, but I can't stand commercials and my car doesn't have bluetooth so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Probably the last full song I listened to was the Critical Role opening theme, which feels on brand.
Last book I read: I just finished Max Gladstone's (one of the authors behind This is How You Lose the Time War!) Empress of Forever earlier today! A woman gets transported into the far future by a mysterious all-powerful space empress and must assemble a crew of misfits to fight her and get back home. It was a bit more episodic than I prefer, but overall a lot of fun with some Wild worldbuilding and good characters. Also, it's very gay, which is always a plus.
Last film I watched: I'm not sure actually? I tried watching The Witches of Eastwick a bit ago but dropped it. I'm planning to watch The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (frankenstein retelling!) soon though!
Last TV series: I watched an episode of Resident Alien the other day (an alien has crash landed on Earth and is hiding in a small community as he tries to repair his spaceship. also he's planning to destroy Earth, but first he needs to survive Living Around People, and also he really wants to solve this murder and prove he's cooler than the town doctor while he's at it, he'll get around to the destruction later) and have yet to decide whether I'll continue watching it or not. I enjoy the premise and the characters but the humor doesn't entirely work for me.
Last thing I googled: something about archives for my masters. did you know there are so many different definitions of an archive. too many in fact. but also i'm about to invent a new one.
Last thing I ate: An apple lol. I had pasta for dinner though.
Sweet, Savory or Spicy: Probably savory. I love sweet stuff but mostly in dessert form, and while I enjoy a bit of spice my tolerance for when it stops being taste and starts being Pure Pain is pretty low.
Amount of sleep: never enough even with naps. Which reminds me I should start getting ready for bed 😔
Currently reading: Too many books. I just picked up Abbadon's Gate (part 3 of the Expanse series, space and horrific aliens and body horror my beloved). I'm also sporadically listening to The Wandering Inn (it is. very long. it's got some interesting things going on but I'm not a fan of the whole levelling concept, but I should've known that going in) and trying to read Jonathan Sim's Family Business (it's good I'm just bad at reading these days, I've been picking away at this book for weeks and it's very spooky). I'm also rereading Things That Gods Despise by dawl-and-dapple for bookbinding purposes, it's one of my favorite fics!
Not entirely sure how many have already done this thing yet, so if you've been double-tagged (or don't feel like it) feel free to ignore, but I'm tagging @mllekurtz, @aravhy and @howlsmovinglibrary!
#i do have a bad habit of picking up too many books at once#but a lot of my reading headspace goes into academic articles and stuff right now. (same with writing headspace)#anyway this was fun! i need to go to bed#rambles#hm. realizing i haven’t purposefully listened to a song in a while made me want to pick up my guitar
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Love in the air ep 8
Prapai is capital H horny.
I knew even before their episodes started that prapaisky where gonna get some heads turning (understandably I guess?) but moving on.
They didn't have to be so good at their jobs🤧 prapai is living his enemies to lovers, slow burn, self insert fan fic. Remember when I said this show was just full of all my fictional turn ons? Yeahhhh
He's so smitten it makes him look stupid. Sex with sky broke his brain now he's all he can think about. (three months mr playboy?) That's so very rich pain in the ass™ of him.
I'm not ready for the pain and angst that is probably going to be skys backstory 😔 I can't bare to watch best boy sad.
He's cute. Not quite golden retrieve but close enough.
He's already so tired of him 😂
Prapai liked that a little TOO much. He's so smug. Sky my boy you've got your hands full. But also it's gonna be so nice to see such a self assured, smarmy playboy fall completely and utterly in love with sky.
Now to close this off. Rain was still too adorable for his own good. I shouldn't have enjoyed seeing him pleading on his knees as much as I did but I no longer go to therapy so im not gonna open that can of worms🤠
Secondly if I see one more reused scene from the first 2 episodes I may loose my mind.
And lastly if anyone would like I could give my thoughts on the conditions leading to prapaiskys roll in the sheets. (in a tagged and tw post of course)
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one piece live action episode 1 thoughts:
yeah, i'm months late. who cares?
also. full disclaimer: i have both a huge sentimental connection to one piece (first ever manga, first read when i was like. 8.) and am an enjoyer of it current day (have read the whole thing 3 times. can and will bitch about it at length but genuinely do love it. have posted like. 45k worth of one piece fic.) so absolutely biased as hell.
anyways
show is silly goofy which is correct. one piece is silly goofy first and foremost. just relax, enjoy the ride, accept the cartoon shonen logic. once i did that i had a good time.
i 'm actually a fan of the changes made to pacing. breaking up the first chapter with all the luffy flashback lore makes a ton of sense for live action and makes more space for present-day stuff. we don't need to know all that right away. we'll get to it. episode was still a bit rushed but tbh the manga had that issue too with the early chapters (had a lot to do and oda did not yet have free rein to bloat)
along the same lines, introducing nami and zoro at the same time makes a lot of sense. gives us more time with both of them. get to see nami in her element a bit more-very cool. also the map gives them all more of a reason to be in shell town causing havoc.
i especially like the reworking of how zoro and luffy meet and how zoro teams up with him (not a crew! yet!). it always kind of bothered me that luffy somewhat coerced him into joining in the OG - thematically that was a cognitive dissonance, so luffy freeing him without expectation felt a) more luffy and b) will make zoro eventually joining more meaningful imo
do sort of wish that they'd somehow managed to keep zoro stubbornly hanging there starving for like. days. because i think that's a really good intro to his character and what's important to him but at least he still managed to eat the floor rice. like overall i think the changes were a good idea but they do give a different spin on him. (i think he accepted being freed too easily in this one. but. oh well.)
big fan of the alabasta foreshadowing. and zoro's opening scene. kind of ate ngl. cool to see things only offhandedly mentioned in the manga.
acting/writing. hm. i think some of the serious dialogue was a bit clunky and some bits the acting felt a bit...self conscious? sometimes luffy seemed a bit Too Self Aware/and not relaxed enough. during the sillier bits though i thought he did better and loosened up. same with zoro. no notes for nami though.
i was expecting to hate the rubber CGI but. did not mind it. fight scenes felt a bit silly but that's okay they are silly. (it is a plot point in the early manga that luffy fighting looks bizarre.)
fight scenes pretty decent, considering the medium change. three-sword style does just look flimsy live, unfortunately.
why is Garp here????????????????????
surprisingly faithful to all the important bits, honestly. we'll see where this goes. interested to see what they do with orange town now that the set-up has changed.
fun thoughts:
was that crocodile in the execution crowd? oda was apparently pretty involved in all this, so if that Was crocodile then that counts as evidence for my favorite One Piece theory. crocomom real?
spotted Foxy and Bellamy bounty posters, which imply both of them have been to the East Blue. interesting but probably inconsequential set-building. curious on what posters i missed.
my instagram ads keep showing me a one-hole zoro earring set (all three dangles but you only need one piercing) and i've never been more tempted. damn the algorithm.
huge fan of koby's hair
was jumpscared multiple times by british accents. which is on me and my USAmerican-ness.
unfounded guess but i bet they're going to change how kuina dies. please.
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I'm hesitant to ask this question because a lot of people are really weird but you were patient even with the person being really ridiculous and I have been really confused lately.
Why are so many people who were big buddie shippers shifting to be mainly or even only bucktommy now?
I get multishipping, but in the past when people had other ships they liked they didn't shift so drastically. Most people are now changing their users and everything to be bucktommy/tommy and most of the fanfic writers write only bucktommy now.
Is it just because it is new? Or because Buck being bi is such a big thing? I am on the spectrum and don't do change so maybe it's a me thing but it is just surprising and a little confusing why there is so much of a shift. I remember lots of people shipped Buck/Josh and even Buck/Taylor and Buck/Lucy but there wasn't ever so much of a full focus change.
A lot of people also seemed to suddenly start hating on or just not caring about Eddie too which has made me sad, like he only matters in the context of Buddie shipping. That seems to be mostly on Twitter and tiktok though and those groups of fans have always been a little weird.
Anyway this is very long and I understand if you don't want to answer, especially with all the discourse lately.
Hi! Honestly I’m always happy to answer questions like yours where you are genuinely asking a question and not just coming in with accusations and nonsense to start drama
I can really only speak for myself, but I think other people would probably agree with my reasoning, so:
I think a good chunk of it probably is because it’s new, yeah. I love buddie so much and nothing could ever change that, but it is fun to have this new dynamic to work with. For me especially, I’m enjoying writing bucktommy a ton right now, because I haven’t written outside of buddie in, well, years actually because even before I dove in headfirst in 2021 I hadn’t really been writing much of anything. So it’s fun to have new toys to play with.
And honestly, at least as far as my dash and my friends go, I don’t think any of us are only bucktommy shippers now, it’s just getting the major focus right now because it’s new and it’s playing out on our screens. I’m still seeing plenty of new buddie fics, metas, and gifsets coming out amongst the bucktommy
Like, my last fic was bucktommy, and my next one will be too, but I still have lots of buddie fic brewing, and I know I’ll still be coming up with tons of new ideas for them too. But it probably seems like I’ve done a hard shift, because it is only what I’m working on right now. But that’s just temporary, and I’m sure it is with others as well.
As for hating on or not caring about Eddie, that is definitely something I have not seen. I can’t say it isn’t happening, of course, because I only follow around 100 people and rarely venture off my dash, but if you’re seeing it here I would encourage you to curate your dash better, and stay away from twitter and TikTok because those places are cesspools for fandom.
To circle back to why bucktommy is getting this treatment over the other ships you mentioned, again, I can only speak for myself, but it’s because Tommy is such a compelling character. I’m fascinated by the character set up through the begins episodes to now, and I like thinking about him. I’m not saying other characters haven’t been compelling, but they just haven’t grabbed my attention in a way that makes me want to write about them the way he has.
I hope I was able to address all your questions
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Hello hello I'm writing a fic about Mort and was wondering if you have any hc or fun facts about Mort
of course!!!! i love mort we need him in more episodes he's such a nice guy <33
he was a SUPER anxious and shy kid he never really had any friends, he mostly kept to himself and got good grades but he was too scared to talk to people. also i feel like he was a big superhero fan growing up!!!! he read comic books like spiderman and batman. he was kinda a nerd
he got over his anxiety as he grew up and thats actually why he learned meditation, it helps with his anxiety bcuz he learned not to stress about things as much :) still pretty introverted though, he knows lots of people from working in the funeral business but he has very few close friends and sticks to himself most of the time, thats also why he isn't at bob's burgers as much as teddy is he's just more introverted than him and the noise/chaos can be a lot
he's jewish!!!! i dont know if this is canon (i feel like it is maybe) but he's jewish and practices the cultural traditions a lot more than bob's family, he isn't exactly religious but has a closer relationship to the culture in general and celebrates the holidays, not really a huge fan of celebrating christmas etc but he doesn't make a big deal out of it he'll do stuff with friends if they ask him (like the secret santa thing)
i definitely stole this headcanon from someone but i like the idea that he has the last name as his voice actor, full name is mortimer kindler
he is a HUGE mama's boy and always has been, maybe had some separation anxiety when he was younger bcuz he spent so much time around her
his dad wasn't really in his life growing up either bcuz of divorce/death or bcuz he was always away on business so it was usually just him and his mom, his mom had a revolving door of boyfriends throughout his childhood and most of them were cool but didn't last very long. he likes arthur though :)
got male pattern baldness from both sides of his family and started losing his hair in his mid 20s <\3 HE'S NOT AS OLD AS HE LOOKS HE SWEARS
not sure how he got into the funeral business but he's had his place a lot longer than bob, probably been there 25+ years and he's seen so many neighbors come and go!!! he was friendly with bob and family from the beginning bcuz linda was a chatterbox and he was the only neighbor who stuck around long enough to know them but doesn't hate them, he would actually consider bob and linda his closest friends
he is still a nerd tbh i feel like he'd genuinely really enjoy watching nature documentaries or documentaries on basically anything. his ideal day is him sitting on his couch in his comfy clothing and watching a nerdy documentary about the alaskan wilderness or whatever and nobody bothers him and he doesn't have to talk to anybody. i feel like him and bob would actually really enjoy hanging out tbh just two introverts doing their thing
#sorry this took like five days to answer i kept writing it and immediately getting distracted#ask#bob's burgers#headcanons
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For your choice of violence, 13, 14, 24???
13: worst blorboficiation
I'm not gonna say this is bad, because that's rude. I will say that I don't understand it. Let me make that very clear.
I do not understand Poe De Spell. I do not really like his character in the show for what he represents. I do not understand why his tumblr time to screen time ratio is so skewed. I just don't get it.
Now, Magica De Spell, I appreciate her role as a villain, and I get that she's very well done as a character. But "for some reason" (I know the reason, I just pretend that I don't) I just can't bring myself to like her. She's such a good villain. I hate her. She's so mean to my favorites. She's so good.
Magica absolutely did not need a tragic backstory. I do not care. I will not budge from this. We spent 73 episodes seeing her do nothing except be funny and be horrible. She is an abusive person. This is canon. This is not something I'm headcanoning into the show. It's how they portrayed her over and over and over. We spent literally the whole show on this point. She does not deserve sympathy from anyone for anything.
So why does this all matter? Because that's what Poe De Spell represents to me. He exists in the show solely as Magica's tragic backstory and why she wants to exact her grim revenge on Scrooge McDuck in the first place. We did not need to know this. This did not need to exist. Poe did not need to exist.
Especially when it's literally the penultimate episode of the entire series. This concept would never appear again, and probably never ever will ever be explored in anything official ever. So why does it exist? To make me feel sympathetic for Magica? To make Scrooge look evil for the plot? To put Martin Freeman in the credits?
It's a fan theory that Lena eventually finds Poe and he becomes a sort of new parental figure for her. It's AU stuff. Lovely. Whatever. But I would much much rather her just leave all of that in the past and just enjoy her new life with her new family. That's what's best for her.
Never mind I've decided that it's actually bad and not just that I don't understand it. Sorry for lying on accident earlier.
14: that one thing you see in fics all the time
Characters elaborate way more than is natural in conversations. Tighten up those sentences. If you want to explain to the reader a complex array of emotions, you can do that without having the character say it directly.
Violet is particularly difficult with this in fics. Sure, she speaks differently than most other characters, but not to the degree that writers will make her.
A lot of times, I'll see her portrayed as overly verbose. Fanon Violet is incapable of using a single contraction, let alone saying a full sentence in a way that is simple, snappy, and pleasing to the eye/ear. We've got to remember that she is just a kid, and will talk like a kid.
My workaround is that when I write out her thoughts and feelings outside of dialogue, that's when I break out the verbose stuff. I also like to think that she simplifies her language when speaking for the people around her to ease communication with others, but that's drifting into hc territory.
24: topic that brings up the most rancid discourse
Oh, absolutely the infamous Della and Louie discourse. There are so many people so passionate for their blorbo and it's just augh. I think it's unlike any other conflict in the entire show. I'm tired of it. They were both wrong. They were both misguided. They made up. They're both better off for it. Leave me alone.
Thanks for the ask!
#ask game#choosing violence#i'm sorry poe stans#if we've have gotten that fourth season maybe i would have come around to it#it's nothing personal it's just i don't like it
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Hey, just wanted to say I enjoy your fics! Any tips on how to do a good job portraying characters in a way that feels authentic but also unique to you? :)
Thanks for the message! <3
Not bashing will always be my top suggestion. Every character is someone's favorite character, every episode is someone's favorite episode, every line of dialogue or aspect of a character design is someone's favorite part of them.
Yes, even that "universally hated episode" or that one with "the character 'absolutely everyone' wants to vote first off the island." I remember in my younger years it was difficult to find content for my favorite characters, and what little content there was frequently involved bashing the character (Ex: Other characters mocking or bullying them), killing them, etc. and it was really sad because I just wanted someone to see the beauty in that character that I did. I still feel this way with many of my favorite characters and episodes, wheeze.
I'm not saying you can't dislike characters or episodes. You can dislike them, you can blog about disliking them, etc., I'm just suggesting you try not to let your dislike for them show (mostly if they're just a regular person, and not an actually despicable person).
Treat your story like it's going to be read by fans who love that character. Write for yourself, write something for the person who thinks the character is baby, and write something for the person who likes to pick at the character's flaws. Show a range of the character's emotions.
Taking time to discover your writing style is also a good start (and style can vary between projects, of course). I write almost all my stuff in a longform magical realism style where anything that could be considered canon is considered canon. The definition of what that means to me might vary in projects (for example, in the way that I portray cartoon physics), but I think understanding your style can play a big part in how you portray characters.
Some styles might be heavily introspective. Some may be very descriptive. Others might be snappy and witty, and others may be fast-paced and full of action. Mine tends to go light on describing scenery and heavier on dialogue and body language, and the overall feel I go for is "something to cuddle up for and read for a long time, hopefully feeling very connected to the characters in the process, and ideally feeling their emotions too."
There's also something to be said for the style that is "The thing I am writing is blatantly an AU but it's obvious I have a very good understanding of the source material and its quirky, goofy moments even though the thing I'm writing is much different (and darker)." There's a 'fic I might talk about at a later date that's a good example of this, though I don't want to link it in this post because the content can be triggering, so I'll probably find a different time to bring it up.
It can be fun to use different styles for different character ages as well. My OC Cavatina is a pretty good example for this, and while I don't want to show any previews of his story stuff, he definitely goes from being "sharp, observant kid with a positive outlook on life" and swivels to "cold, calculating guy with a negative outlook on life." Hate that for him :(
Put your own spin on characters and lore. Embrace your headcanons and silly ideas full-heartedly, but when you're writing a character, trying writing them with the passion of someone who loves them. Take the time to research them and find things to like about them. Once you become familiar with a character and how they fit in your writing style and story dynamic, they'll feel more natural to you.
If you're new to the character, you might feel like you're not doing it right, and that can be a struggle but it just might take more time and practice to place them in a scene that suits them well.
You can also try rewriting existing scenes from their book or show in your own style to get a feel for their dialogue and body language. I always recommend writing a cooking scene for practice. Cooking scenes have a natural beginning, middle, and end (obtain ingredients, use them, receive food) and having two characters in a small space trying to collaborate is a great way to bring two personalities that might conflict (or might flourish) into an everyday low-stakes scene. It's a good way to figure out who's a pain to work with, who has terrible habits, who has the system down, whose house is it, etc.
Chances are, people who dislike your character portrayal or ship are going to dislike it regardless of what you do with it, so go all out and make it self-indulgent for you and the people who want that content! Write for the audience you dream of having rather than writing for one you'll never be able to win over.
And just, y'know... enjoy the way that you do things, let other people enjoy the way that they do things, enjoy each other's things and be respectful :) You might be someone who loves to stick close to canon or someone who just use some parts of canon as a baseline and spins it in your own way, and both of those things are okay.
Just don't get upset with anyone who follows canon if you don't, or with those who want to do AUs and OCs and headcanons you don't like, etc. Fall in love with the way that you do things and be kind to others. That's a good way to be authentic I think.
Hope that helps :)
#writers on Tumblr#writing advice#fanfic advice#asks#Anon#ridwriting#Long post#Nice words#Sorry for leaving this in my drafts so long oops
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Hi, I just wanted to say that I agree with anon. I don't know whose fault it is, if Tim's or the journalist or a combination of both, but what is reported as his interview didn't seem particularly accurate with what they've shown, and they rarely are, at least in Tim's case. I don't know if he does it on purpose to be misleading or what, but I'm learning to not put much weight on it (though it's difficult). Ignoring that framing, episodes are just a bit better, and even if they're not clear they're at least up to different interpretations, which I can be fine with knowing they have to make choices on what to show and what leave for fans to fill.
(That was true for the whole secret marriage thing too, if he hadn't said it wasn't a lie and it wasn't a real marriage or whatever it would have been okay, not perfect because we didn't get real resolution or some other things I wished they showed on screen instead of just imagining happening, but no one else ever implied any of what HE said).
As for the zilla comment I get your concerns, but it may not be that bad in the end, it may well be an exaggeration to attract those who enjoy over the top wedding planning drama.
I think if I hadn’t seen a bunch of TK haters salivating over the chance to blame him for whatever happens to ruin the wedding by being a groomzilla – it started immediately after the article dropped – I would just be able to roll my eyes and ignore it like I did with a few things he said the last couple of seasons.
The EW article is full of what the fuck takes – the zilla one is the least of my issues with it – but would have been a super simple one to have correct. If either the journalist or Tim had said “Owen will be the Dadzilla of Carlos and TK’s nightmares” or something along those lines – I would have laughed and continued to look forward to the wedding planning (even while praying for all wedding planners with clients that watch this show – cause there will be people that think you can pull off a 150 person wedding in 4-5 weeks, on a budget that probably isn’t super high) instead of posting about it, but one of them chose to frame it totally different from any info we do have.
I think another part about it that bothers me is that when one of the people getting married is a zilla – they are typically absolutely horrible to the person that they are marrying – which is what the TK haters are hoping for and already celebrating. These are the people that feed off of TK and Carlos friction – the ones that can’t say enough how TK doesn’t love or deserve Carlos – it almost feels like that is how Tim feels too. It’s exhausting and my blocking fingers are getting tired.
You can do over the top wedding planning without making the show’s constant scape goat an asshole – if we are talking in character – Carlos is the one that is most likely and has a very high probability of being the groomzilla – that one would be very in character.
Saying that TK is going to be a groomzilla is basically making the 4x08 episode (the supposed wedding planning episode) a TK vs Carlos situation when we have been led to believe that it would be a TK & Carlos vs Owen & Andrea – which is what I was really looking forward too. It feels like a lot of the season has already been Carlos vs TK – why keep that up when we are supposed to be watching them plan a wedding?
I know I ventured a bit off topic – but these are the reasons why the zilla thing is so fucking irritating to me. It’s probably how anyone feels when they are watching a TV show make the industry you work in so vastly different than what it is like IRL – Like doctors watching med shows – firefighters watching the 9-1-1s probably have to separate reality from fiction – but sometimes what we are being asked to believe is just so “what the fuck” that our brains start to meltdown over the insanity of it – or the lack of simple research that could have been done on the writer’s part.
I am currently working on a fic that will have some of my horror stories from weddings that are stuck in my brain – and almost all of them are from some sort of zilla – the slaps, the screaming, the fights, the crying.
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ok. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
Well dang :V
1: What was the first episode you’ve seen?
Episode 1 because I intentionally looked for the show to watch it after seeing clips of it online.
2: What’s your favorite episode?
Episode 1. It's one of my favorite first episodes of a show ever and I really like how well it introduces everything. I love other episodes of the show of course I just think the first episode did a great job and should get more praise for that!
3: Favorite Irken?
I like the main character a lot but if I had to choose a second favorite uhhh the Tallests as 1 entity I can't choose one over the other
4: Favorite Human?
I like the other main character a lot also but as a second Professor Membrane bc he's funny and I had a mental image of him before watching the show
5: Favorite Other Race?
There aren't really a lot of those to pick from :V
6: Any fan characters?
Yesssss a few but this particular one I made several comics about
7: Favorite fanfiction?
It's NSFW and I haven't actually finished the full series because it's long and I suck at reading! I might consider linking it at another point :V Favorite bc I took some inspiration from it for Est and I enjoy NSFW fics lol.
8: Favorite fanart?
I've got a few really inspirational ones on my computer! I recently made a long comment on the Irken propoganda poster fanart (and made my own fanart based off of it), I like the Corrupted Data 99% one (and made my own fanart based off of it), I like this sketch dump of Tallest Zims bc it's cool and bc of the comment "all I do is lie to myself" which I quote all the time now, this FnF song video that I keep trying to do a full version of because the OP said I could but haven't gotten around to it yet, and a bunch more I don't feel like tracking down lol.
9: Do you write for the fandom?
Well I make comics but for fanfiction I've made one, short ZaDr fic but in character somehow
10: Do you draw for the fandom?
Yes, here's my art tag for this blog and here's my askblog
11: Would you be scared if Jhonen found your art/fanfics/blog?
I've watched his Twitch streams (he might still be doing that every Monday?) and sometimes when he searches stuff up he ends up scrolling past fanart and doesn't acknowledge it lol. So not really, he's not as mean a guy as the fandom seems to demonize him wrongly as. I actually think meeting him would be pretty cool!
12: Do you like pairings? If so, which?
I mean aside from ZaDr I like RaPr and basically am open to any if ppl write it in a way I like. Those two I just enjoy in particular.
13: Do you believe there are any canon pairings?
Like, intended by the writers? I don't remember any prominent characters dating canonically no lol.
14: OTP?
ZaDr. I watched episode 1 and shipped it immedietely after their first interaction XD If that's not a "One True Pairing" I'm not sure what is.
15: Favorite enemies? (Tak and Zim or Zim and Dib… etc)
Does enemies to lovers count? Idk I am more of a HELPLESS ROMANTIC type I am only into enemies if it's charged in some way XD Otherwise it sticks out to me less so nothing really comes to mind that easily.
16: Favorite Tallest of the four?
I can't choose Red or Purple it changes every day! I like Miyuki and Spork but come on they don't have that much screentime and Red and Purple have far more changes to be funny lol
17: Favorite thing about Invader Zim?
ADHD and artstyle
18: Least favorite thing about Invader Zim?
that's hard. Even when the show disturbs me I take it as a positive. Uhhh. when ppl in the fandom are judgemental about other people's headcanons in a mean way lol
19: Do you have any blocked tags, relating to the fandom?
probably but finding out would mean I'd have to look through my blocked tags! I frequently block people though.
20: Do you ever do crossovers?
I had some Gravity Falls crossover sketches back in 2021, and I've done a few crossovers between characters in my own discord servers sometimes, but nothing large/prominent.
...Unless crossovers between zim askblogs count.
21: Any parts of show that actually scare you?
Probably not scare but definitely disturb me. I'd need to rewatch it to remember.
22: Any parts of the fandom that actually scare you?
I'm very sensitive as a person and have anxiety so people scare me easily!
23: Part that made you laugh the hardest…
I'd need to go clip hunting for that! Good news though I recorded myself watching IZ with a friend in 2021 and am slowly editing the clips so I'll find out eventually.
24: Part that you could relate to…
Zim very ADHD
25: Least favorite episode?
I like all the episodes and I see grossing me out as a bonus bc rarely do things disturb me and it means that it succeeded but uhhhhhh I mean least likely to rewatch probably rise of the zitboy lol
26: Least favorite scene?
Sometimes there's fatphobia in the show and that sucks :V
27: Do you like G.I.R.?
YES I don't draw him as often as other characters but if you look around my askblog he makes it into tons of the posts lol
28: If you could be anyone from the show, you would choose…..
Trying to send me to hell??? Rude.
29: Are the Tallest intelligent or not?
Yeah they just don't care lol
30: What do you think an Irkens blood color is?
I like it when it's either pink or matches their eye color. I want a rainbow blood smear of irkens after war. imagine it.
31: If you could write an episode, what would happen?
I've thought of several fake episode scripts, like where Dib gets suspended for pushing Zim at school and goes to a better nicer school, then ends up back at normal school at the end of the episode because the world is built to hurt Dib, or an episode where Zim gets stuck in his elevator and can't get out bc his PAK legs are too long and his rockets are useless and GIR is useless.
If I could write an episode though it'd probably end up being gay shit tho ngl
32: If all the voice actors and artists were different, would you still want Invader Zim to come back?
Well if the writers are the same... hmm, though a lot of what was good about IZ was the synnergy between all the writers, artists, and VAs, like Rikki who voiced GIR also being a background artist, and somehow a bunch of these ppl are still friends 20 years later.
I think it'd be fun to see it even if they totally and completely fuck it up though because then the fandom would tear it apart and it'd be funny
33: Do you consider any of the characters your ‘babies’?
Depends on the day but I do love random navigator drone from Florpus. Baby bc Evv is totally based off of them XD Adopted!
34: Do you have any fancharacters that are the result of two canon characters getting together?
Fankids? I'd say Wur, even though it's not Dib's biological kid he's still its dad XD
35: If you could meet any of the characters, who would it be and what would you say?
Dib's insufferable but I think he just wants someone to listen to him lol
36: If you could meet any of the voice actors, who would it be and what would you say?
Probably Richard bc I've seen lots of interviews with him and he just seems really friendly and nice to talk to!
37: Other than Zim, who is your favorite Irken Invader?
Damn :V Well we don't really get to meet the other invaders much, do we? Like it's either Skoodge or you just REALLY like a background character lol
38: Professor Membrane: a good daddy or a neglectful cold father?
I'd like him to be good but yk all the times he's good it could just be argued it's because his kids are science experiments XD When I write him he's neglectful and cold but more on accident than intentional abuse. He wants the best for his kids but he's just not equipped to deal with their emotions.
39: Favorite quote?
I'd need to rewatch the show there's too many good ones lol
40: Zim’s taken over the planet… Now what?
Calls the Tallests to tell them about it and they're like..... We're not flying over there!!! Uh... we told you to watch it not take it over!!! uhhhh whatever, good job [disconnects].
Zim would have his fun being king for a day then things get back to normal by the end of the episode lol
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how do you feel about simon laurent from infinity train? (very controversial topic, i know)
send me a character and i'll tell you my opinion on them! | accepting
okay the way you put this is so unreasonably funny to me because i can't tell if you already know my opinions on simon infinity train and are teasing me, or if you don't know and are kind of worried you're poking a hornet's nest HSHDJH
anyway, full confession here, simon is the reason i got hyperfixated on infinity train to begin with. i have A Thing™ about tragic, complex villains. so when infinity train presented me with one of the most well written ones i've ever seen, it was pretty much a given i was gonna get attached.
that said!! huge disclaimer here because there are so many bad takes in this fandom about simon infinity train: i don't condone his actions!! and no, i don't think having him die was bad writing. i liked the way book 3 ended, and i think it was a smart choice from a narrative standpoint. it was meant to be tragic, and it was!! and i like that!! give me more tragic stories, that's how you get me hyperfixated on your show.
that said, i also don't think it's fair to say he was inherently irredeemable. i don't think it would've been easy to redeem him, and it shouldn't have been, but i think it's possible. and yes, i do enjoy reading fan content where he's redeemed. some of y'all know i'm actually writing a fic exploring a way that could have happened. it's a "what-if" concept that i really enjoy, but not in a "this is better than canon" kind of way. in a "this is a different path things could've gone down and i find those fascinating" kind of way.
so like. i love simon as a character, i've made that pretty clear i think. there's ways that i feel really bad for him, and also ways that he infuriates me. (episode 6. literally, he makes me more mad in that episode than he does in episode 10 even though he's pretty much at his worst in ep 10). and i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's probably the kind of response the writers intended, because simon isn't a one-dimensional character!!! you can in fact recognize the tragedy of his story while also wanting to hit him over the head with a broom.
anyway, this is by no means all my thoughts on simon. i actually have a lot of headcanons stored up about him because i write him pretty regularly, but those don't really fit in this post i don't think. but hopefully this sums up my general thoughts on him!!
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Some Offdensen Headcanons/Fan Theories (or: “Sed cur pateris?”)
Some of these I might flesh out into a fanfic, but then I remember of right I have two psychologists I've been neglecting for too long because I started watching the series just to get some inspiration and now oops now I'm obsessed with this show again and found a different middle-aged man to simp over. So for now enjoy some of my rambling nonsense. Also bear in mind this all pre-movie release so it is inevitable some of this will be completely wrong albeit if I do get anything right, my PayPal is right open /j. So without further ado:
1. When he was born
Little known fun fact, we actually sort of know when he was born to the point where I went ahead added it to his fan wiki page. In the episode “Dethsources” (S2E14) we see a first place plaque for a fencing tournament dated 1985.
I bring this up because with college sports there is no age limit ,your eligibility to compete expires after four or five years of graduating high school (so undergrad and maybe the first year of grad school) although the rules vary slightly vary depending on which Division it’s in and there’s small exceptions such as being in the military (we’ll get to that). So assuming Charles graduated high school at the typical age, he was roughly around 18-24 at the time putting his birth year between 1962-1967 putting him in about his forties for most of the series’s run. And naturally Metalocalypse being Metalocalypse I hereby propose that he might’ve been born in 1966. And if you want to be extra metal, probably on either June 6th or April 30th. Especially since if you believe a certain fan theory he’d technically be the Metalocalypse universe’s equivalent of the Anti-Christ albeit fortunate that he went the Hellboy route…which leads me to:
2. His family
CW: Brief discussions of dubious/non-consent (at least in the context of classic mythology)
I’ve read a few good fan fics so I’m gonna try not to copy others I’ve read too much,but to get one thing out of the way: it’s a modest bet but I somewhat subscribe to the fan theory Salacia is his father. It’s not a perfect theory, but I reblogged a post a while ago that makes a pretty convincing argument as to why that might be the case so I recommend checking that out so I won’t bore you with the full details. Only other thing about my interpretation of the dad!Salacia theory I’ll add for now is that Salacia probably conceived Charles for a specific, nefarious purpose (think Ego from Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2); unaware that he’d grow up to become the Dead Man. I’d probably imagine he used a similar technique to him shapeshifting in Doomstar Requiem to lovebomb and hypnotize Murderface to set him up for betraying the rest of Dethklok in that he courted Charles’ mother using a specific persona (probably without the hypnosis since I don’t want to go full sexual assault here but then again his name is possibly word play on “salacious”) for reasons that don’t really have roots in “love” since as far we can tell he sees most humans as pawns to him even if he’d probably have to at least seen “something” in her. Although we at least know that he stuck around for a while rather than the abandonment being immediate. And even regardless on if you believe in the Salacia theory, there is some indication that Charles grew up with an absent father since he refers to him exclusively in the past tense and seems oddly wistful about the subject in S3E5’s “Fatherklok” (again know this isn’t a flawless theory since that scene could have several possible meanings). And hell speaking of that episode, it’d make sense from a narrative perspective since gods seducing mortals (including taking other forms to do so) is a common theme in various mythologies, especially since for all we know Ms. Offdensen may not have been the only one.
…but enough of that for now, I’d probably imagine he was primarily raised by a single mother or extended family after his father left the family. I have plans for the latter but I’m keeping my more fan fic-y ideas under wraps for now (as tempted as I am to infodump about his mom and Uncle Ned). All I will add is that the personality I gave his mother kind of depends on what version I’m going with. He probably might also come from a more lower-middle or working class background since I think it might strengthen his character arc if he didn’t come from anything, especially if he had to claw his way to where he was at the start of the series even if it requires blood along the way (because capitalism gonna capitalism). Also depending on the nature of what Salacia’s endgame is, he potentially has several half-siblings he has no idea exists. Although probably was raised alongside his cousins in the extended family version of his backstory, he has “oldest sibling” vibes to me.
3. What was he like growing up?
For the most part not super different, he kind of gives off serious “grew up rather fast” energy. That is to say seems quiet and nerdy in the surface, except he could kick your ass even back then as a few bullies learned the hard way (“have you ever been kicked down a roller slide?”). After all as established earlier, he seems to have grown up without a father which can lead to aggression and other behavior issues in some children as shown in some real life studies, but it was more the pent up kind where it’s bottled up and then explodes under specific circumstances. So he was slightly more aggressive than usual at first and for all we know the fencing lessons might’ve been a way to provide an outlet for that. Especially since he was caught at least once in elementary school, with his guidance counselor being borderline-terrified of the possibility of him being a “budding psychopath” and being not sure how to feel after he became Dethklok’s manager and thus the richest and most powerful man on Earth. Although by the time we get to high school, yeah he’s more or less similar to how he is as an adult.
He had a mostly okay relationship with his family, albeit in the present he isn’t as close either due to being constantly tied to his work and/or there’s not a lot of his family that are still alive. That and he’s specifically from Narragansett, Rhode Island which I partially chose because of the water connection and also the fact that they have these towers that look semi-“metal” if you ask me
That and he had a near-death experience at age eleven in which he almost drowned and had these strange visions of five figures with a blazing star but that’s not important….and speaking of death, I guess:
4. Does he have a military background?
As far as I know yes, albeit he doesn’t like to talk about it, it’s at least explain how he has so many skills from marksmanship to being able to maintain his own private in the form of some of the elite Klokateers ,as well as how he was able to blend in so well during the nine months he spent infiltrating Crozier’s army between seasons 2 and 3. Although the exact details I’m having a hard time figuring out (other than he probably didn’t have any encounters with the Tribunal at least no directly), mostly because the US military did have some military action in the 80’s and early 90’s but not by much, as well justify the how or why considering the college exemptions, although my best guess might be taking a cue from The Two Of Us Are Dying only without the outdated information and saying it might’ve been a college scholarship thing after something happened regarding the fencing one. There is at least the possibility that he might’ve gone to a military prep school since bare in mind contrary to pop culture believes, they’re not reform schools for juvenile delinquents and is as selective as any private school, I doubt he’d at least turn the scholarship opportunities and the sense of structure even if being in the armed forces may not be his preferred career path…that and also you get a sword and we all know Charlie likes swords.
Although this one might need the most polish albeit I did as much research on this subject as possible. I have also considered the possibility of somehow he was a Tribunal agent that went rogue ,but I’m not sure if that would make sense. Also because Metalocalypse is Metalocalypse, I at least dubbed the school the Napalm Death Academy, who’s motto is “Sed cur pateris”. Totally no red flags and is certainly not secretly part of the Tribunal’s conspiracy….I’m running out of transitions so here’s the part you’ve probably been waiting for:
5. How he met Dethklok (and the early years)
CW: suicide ideation
He didn’t find Dethklok, Dethklok found him so to speak. It would especially make since thematically since the Metalocalypse universe runs on fate and destiny, in particular of the “everything happens for a reason” variety so it was likely a chance encounter. Possibly during a dark chapter in his life particularly of the quarter life crisis variety, in a way Dethklok gave him purpose and a reason to keep going. And Doomstar Requiem revealed that Dethklok had a manager before him (and I don’t feel like just calling him “old manager” the whole time so let’s just go with the placeholder name Blake for now). I’d probably imagine that this manager was only slightly more competent than Dethklok themselves and was prone to making bad business decisions. And while I feel like I could write a whole ass fan fiction about this, I’ll at least set the scene for the cliffnotes version:
It’s around the early to mid 90’s, Charles’s post-college career didn’t exactly go as he planned since he found himself unsatisfied and unfulfilled with his job and general life direction (possibly toppled by personal tragedy such as death in the family) to potentially even suicidally depressed levels. The stars somehow align one evening so that he hears an up and coming act that catches his attention rather quickly, he’d been a secret metalhead for a while to escape the stresses of his job (a la Aggretsuko) but this band was something else, something much greater. Although interacting with them and their manager after the show was a much different experience, but he couldn’t help but take in one piece of information…that apparently they weren’t even being paid for the gig and clearly they deserve better than being “paid in exposure”, so he abandoned any plans he might’ve had on ending his own life. In other words: Dethklok being high key stupid saved his life!
As for Blake, didn’t really take his job too seriously in the first place that lead to Charles picking up the slack even before becoming their manager officially; especially after miraculously making enough to quit his shitty old job and commit to the band full time, which eventually escalated into a falling out (probably when Charles arranged the Crystal Mountain desk which Blake thought was him being a “sell out”) that caused him to quit and walk out on the band. It took at least two weeks for Dethklok to notice he was even gone, thinking he’d just gone out to get cigarettes.
I apologize for being confusingly vague with some of these, but trying to balance whether or not I should spoil potential fan fic ideas or not. But Y’know what I can’t spoil?
6. Sexual and Romantic Orientation
Originally in the misc. section but actually it went on for so long it was graduated to it’s own section
But I think he’s most likely somewhere on the aspec since he’s one of the few male characters that expresses no interest in romance or sex (the closest we get to anything hinting at his sexuality being “Goingdownklok” which even then “No comment” could have several potential meanings). Kind of doesn’t help that the Church of Black Klok consists solely of men as far as we can tell and the back of the Season 3 DVD/Blu-Ray has a quote from Ishnifus about that how “none shall birth no more” which seems to suggest that it’s a “vow of celibacy” type of religious order, although again the fact that Offdensen is prepared for such a thing could mean multiple different things. Along with some other subtle and not so subtle hints such as Skwisgaar is the only one he doesn’t pal in the Season 3 extra around with due to him sleeping with a few women, and in the deleted scene from “Dethsources” during the counterpart to Melmord’s montage (there’s even purple lighting) . But still I’m also open to the possibility that he’s gay or even that he’s into women but a thousand times classier than Dethklok; it’s just him being asexual is the one I put the most stock in. Hopefully the new movie might provide a representation win, but we’ll see.
Furthermore, we know canonically from the episode Fanklok that even in-universe there are people that want to sleep with him, which makes sense considering how much the world practically revolves around Dethklok guaranteeing high status in this world just by association and people find money and power sexy and he is (or was) canonically the richest and most powerful man on Earth; so indeed people do try to make advances on him but he politely turns them down at every opportunity. I’d also probably imagine at least a few times there have been awkward moments where Dethklok groupies have tried to get close to him (drunk or otherwise) which naturally made him just a smidge uncomfortable if very good at hiding it. So basically for that reason he added a clause to the “backstage audience” agreement that any sexual activity or advancement is restricted only to Dethklok and that attempts on employees or other associates is strictly off-limits. Especially had to since one such photo leak. He does reluctantly let the smutty fan art be sold at Klokakon though since the artists are paying vendor prices to solicit there.
6. Other Random Bull🎸
Aka I’ve covered the basics so the rest of these will be mostly lighter and not tied to anything particularly grand
Another popular one to add: He is the voice of Facebones. My main argument being while I can maybe see why that scene from “Murdering Outside the Box” could be a mistake, at the same time if you think about it logically you’d need the voice actor to do the raffle live as well as the fact that throughout the series it is very convenient that he has videos on short notice for such things as the drum machine to replace Pickles while he’s in rehab and the Dethkones (especially since he was weirdly fixated on that for most of the episode). Initially he only did it because they were still a humble ragtag production and for once it was Dethklok that was busy and he wasn’t. They did try to replace the voice for Facebones once, but it resulted in mass riots in the streets and a few acts of destruction so Offdensen resumed the role rather quickly and structured his schedule in a way that he can record in a way that doesn’t interfere with his other duties. Facebones is a tightly guarded industry secret since he is rather strict about not doing the voice outside of official business (a la Frank Oz) and often they have to take *ahem* “drastic measures” towards anybody who finds out but won’t sign the NDA. Also he keeps a steady supply of water and honey lemon tea because of this and the band doesn’t know why.
If he had an “ancient animal form” I’d imagine it probably be a wolf both because it’s a badass predator of course, but mainly because wolves are considered amongst the best fathers in the animal kingdom due to how super protective and attentive they are of their offspring. Although if Salacia’s bloodline is a factor maybe his true ancient spirit animal is some cosmic abomination that would cause you to claw your eyes out when you see it, who knows?
He secretly watched Dethklok (sans Toki for obvious reasons) throughout Doomstar at a distance both because he could sense that Ishnifus was gonna die and that his ascension to become his successor was upon him but also to attest that they were truly ready and just plain old’ being able to “function” without him. Although even though his suicidal thoughts had been at bay for about fifteen years, he would have sacrificed himself for the Prophecy if he was able to.
His leather jacket outfit is sort of symbolism of the most crucial parts of his relationship to Dethklok: how they first met (or at least the version in my head anyway), his triumphant return in Renovationklok, and finally his departure in Doomstar. Barring how he’s probably gonna come back one last time in the new movie.
He has a bedroom other than his office in Mordhaus, we’ve just never seen it properly since he likes his privacy, and is currently Abigail’s. He also owns a few other smaller properties for the rare moments he has time off from Dethklok (although even he rarely wants to necessarily spend time without them).
He isn’t against the idea of having children, but even ignoring the asexual/possibly aromantic idea (although of course that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, adoption exists even for single parents) he doesn’t think that it would really work out due to how chained to his work he is (possibly even speaks from experience being part of Gen X aka “the latchkey generation”), and he’s already a father figure to five grown-ass men so his found family is good enough for him.
The Church of Black Klok is a group of monks…that never said they were pacifists though, so I fully expect Charles to go full Alexander Anderson from Hellsing once he dies return!
So ummm that’s it, several days and getting sidetracked by vocational rehabilitation night classes later and I got most of my bases covered, although I might fix any mistakes I left and will maybe add more if requested via reblog. Special thanks to @cloudchaser2000 for suggesting that chef’s kiss title after I previewed the “Napalm Death” thing to them 😂 and otherwise being an awesome mutual.
#content warnings as it goes#Metalocalypse#dethklok#charles offdensen#charles foster offdensen#metalocalypse spoilers#church of black klok#comfort characters#comfort shows#headcanons
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So, someone requested a fic where Blue Team rescues a Child!Reader from a war zone, but unfortunately Tumblr ate the ask. If you’re the one who requested it, please enjoy!
EDIT: found a screenshot! @simp-for-fictional-men-only, hope you like this!
Blue Team x Child!Reader (Halo)
It’s been a long “day”, even by Spartan standards.
Blue Team had been trying to repel Covenant forces on an Outer Colonies planet for over a week… but it hadn’t been enough. Command had called an evacuation, and after destroying a base to help the efforts, Blue Team had been ordered to help with final evacuation calls in the nearest town.
On the Pelican ride to town, there was a brief moment where they thought it was a waste of resources to send Spartans for an evacuation op, especially because the other Spartan teams were still doing the best they could to strike back at the Covenant; not necessarily to stop them anymore, just to hold them back long enough for the civilians to escape and maybe a little revenge. The events of the week, coupled with the guilt of their brothers and sisters still risking their lives, weighed on them heavily.
But at the end of the day, they’re glad they did: they found a group in the Rec center, a dozen people in the boroughs, twenty in an apartment complex — the Marines wouldn’t have been able to lift most of the wreckage that blocked them from escaping.
By the time they’d gotten to the outskirts of town, Blue Team had been left alone to sweep through the dead town. Chief considered just going to meet up with the Marines — surely, they could match the pace of the overloaded Troop Transports — and this area was just dilapidated factories and shady looking establishments that had long since been stampeded.
But a need to fulfil his task to completion stayed his hand… and thank god it did.
At first, it was just soft sniffles that sounded from the inside of the rundown factory. Chief and Kelly, who’d partnered up to search this side of the district, thought it was one of the many Jackals that had been posted in the previous sector wandering, or a Grunt that had been left behind after the Jackals had entertained themselves (in which case, they should probably put the thing out of its misery), so they go inside.
Chief goes first, moving carefully through the debris so as to not dislodge the wreckage, or disturb the corpses of the few soldiers and more civilians. He retrieves their dog tags, securing them in one of the compartments of the MJOLNIR, and Kelly follows, stepping where he does.
Slowly, the sound becomes louder and louder, wheezing and snotty sobbing. Definitely an injured Grunt, he thinks. It’s coming from under a slab of concrete propped up against a wall. Kelly flanks to the right, while Chief goes to the left. He signals that he’ll lift it on the count of three, and grips the edge of the slab. When the slab gets tossed aside, Kelly raises her shotgun, pointing directly at the small figure.
You shriek and bury your head in your knees, pulled up to your chest. You couldn’t believe that after all the gross, awful things you’d had to sit through, holed up in this corner, you were just going to die.
But when nothing happens for a solid five seconds, you chance a peek over your knees and gasp. S-117 and S-087 are emblazoned across the chests of the armored giants… Spartans.
Kelly and Chief exchange confused gazes, having no idea how to deal with children. The last ones they’d had any interaction with was the Castoffs on Netherop, but they were more feral gremlins than they had been children.
(Kelly and Fred still aren’t entirely sure that the whole incident wasn’t a heat-induced hallucination.)
John really doesn’t want to go through another episode like it, but on the other hand, it would be easier if you were pelting rocks at them.
Kelly, being the more personable of the two, kneels to your height (or as close as a Spartan could get) and softly calls. “You don’t have to be scared. We’re here to help.”
You knew that — they were Spartans! The greatest heroes Humanity ever possessed! You were just shocked that you were getting rescued by them.
“Y-you’re Spartans.” You whisper dumbly, but you couldn’t help it! How are you supposed to be cool when you grew up with Master Chief’s action figure on your nightstand. “Like Master Chief.”
You can’t see it, but John can sense Kelly’s smirk as she looks over at him and points. “Well, that’s the man himself.”
* Oh no. By the way your wet, moved eyes stare up at him, it seems you’re a fan.
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!! You hope your pterodactyl screeching wasn’t external.
“Whoa.” This couldn’t be real. You’d passed out from exhaustion, and were dreaming all of this. That could be the only possibility!
John knows that this is the part where he says something witty or inspiring… but he really doesn’t know what to say, so he just awkwardly clears his throat. “Are you hurt?”
You shake your head violently, a burning need to not disappoint your childhood hero, and clamber up to your feet… only to wince and lean against the wall, something sticky on your leg.
Now that you’re standing, he can see the dried blood around your ankle. “Hold still!” All the softness is gone from Kelly’s tone as she works on bandaging you up, but you don’t mind, appreciating how careful she’s being.
Co-ordinating with Linda, who informs him that there are patrols scouting the areas — probably only to get any survivors, and not to catch them, but they should still move — and Fred, who tells him that the convoy is flying off-planet via Pelicans in half an hour, John makes some quick calculations.
With the pace you’d set, hobbling alongside Kelly, whimpering every time you put your weight on your left foot, it would take them at least an hour. Too long.
“Whoa…” The sound comes unbidden from Fred when Kelly emerges, with you clutching at her hip, all bloody and dirty. A pang of sympathy strikes as he looks around and realizes all that you must have seen. He was well aware that normal children weren’t nearly as resilient as he and his siblings had been.
“….” He stays silent as you arrive in front of him, staring up at him with slight apprehension, heart racing as he tries to think of something to say — and for some reason, he lands on an awkward, weirdly Southern-sounding. “Hey champ!”
John and Kelly both shoot him weird looks, and he wants to dig a hole and die, when they hear it.
A small giggle falls from your lips, tiny hands covering your mouth as you try not to laugh. Fred sighs in relief, but his anxiety returns when Kelly’s joking voice comes over the comms saying “Well, I guess we know who’s taking care of them.”
Linda drops out of nowhere, and nearly scares you to death as you shriek and bump into John, holding his leg tightly. You don’t really notice how he freezes, confused again.
“…sorry.” She doesn’t sound sorry, you think with a pout and drop from Chief’s leg, careful of your own busted ankle.
“That’s Linda, that’s Fred and I’m Kelly. You can just call him Chief. What’s your name?”
“Y-Y/N.”
“Alright. We won’t be able to make it if you’re walking, so you need to get on one of our backs.” Chief tells you, straight to business. “Which one of us do you feel comfortable with?”
He’s really hoping you pick Kelly or Fred. It wouldn’t exactly be a burden, you’re much tinier than the full grown people he’s had to carry out of a war zone, and you’re handling it much better as well, even though you’re barely ten years old.
“Um…” You look shyly up at Fred. “If you don’t really mind…”
*Aw. That’s… actually kind of sweet. Fred beckons you over, and hoists you up between his shoulders, giving you the rundown on what to do if people start shooting, and to hold on tight when he tells you to.
*You’re much more considerate than the freaked out VIPs he’s had to extract. But he still feels you twitch every time the wind causes something to clatter, so he decides to strike up conversation.
“So how did you wind up there?” It’s not until afterwards that he realizes that, unlike soldiers, civilians aren’t comfortable discussing stuff like that. But you answer that it was your dad’s factory, explaining that it was Bring Your Kid To Work Day.
The Spartans, specifically Kelly, asked you questions about it, having never heard of it themselves. After all, military settings rarely allowed such breaches of protocol.
You only trailed off as you got to the part where he told you to hide, and Fred lets it be.
When you finally get to the convoy, a nurse hurriedly tries to pull you away from the Spartans to help out, apologizing for not doing it sooner when Fred tells her it’s fine and that you can stay. After all, Kelly had fixed you up well, and you seemed terrified at the prospect of being left alone.
All that was left to do was fly up to the ship in outer orbit, with the rest of the survivors. Since there were such few Pelicans, everyone had been crammed into them, military and civilians alike. You’d simply wandered onto the one they’d been on, sandwiched between Chief and Fred.
Chief watches you picking at your shorts, and suddenly remembers the chocolate bar Sgt. Johnson keeps giving him - “you’re not yourself when you’re hungry, Chief” He’d snicker and then leave, Chief just standing there, not understanding the reference - but hey, chocolate was chocolate.
“Here. You did well.” Your eyes go wide, and for a second he thinks you’re going to refuse, but then you snatch it out of his hand and snarf it down. This is how it must feel to watch him eat.
“You’re going to like it up there.” Fred chimes in when your gaze starts getting distant again. “Space is really cool.”
In a twist of fate, you find one of your best friends when you arrive on the ship. Their parents promise to take care of you, and thank the Spartans.
When they start directing the survivors to their quarters, you hug every Spartan, even Linda… or their legs, since you couldn’t reach anything else. (Thankfully, you telegraph it pretty well, so they don’t accidentally smack you or something.)
John just stiffens and then nods, Fred pats you on the head awkwardly and shuffles away (he was very shocked by the affection), Kelly laughs and claps you on the shoulder, and Linda just hums and pets you on the head like a dog, walking away afterwards.
You go on to be a Marine yourself, finding yourself on the Halo campaign, where Chief and Cortana save you once more. You’re surprised he still remembers you.
You leave a bar of the same brand he gave you at his shrine, giving a heartfelt eulogy and catching up momentarily with the other members of Blue Team before you all leave again.
You almost faint when he shows up at Requiem, though. Don’t feel bad, as Lasky fanboys behind Chief for the whole campaign.
Palmer corrals you and Lasky into a break room to make fun of your behavior after it’s all over.
#halo#fred 104#john 117#kelly 087#linda 058#halo x reader#fred 104 x reader#john 117 x reader#kelly 087 x reader#linda 058 x reader#hope I got all their characters right!#I’ll add a read more later
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Hi, I like your work.
If you could I have an obey me request of the brothers and( if possible the undatebles). About a mc who is changing their habits to be healthier (like exercise and healthy eating).
Cause thats what am doing at the moment and I would like the encouragement.
Thanks
Good luck with your journey and you can do it! I’ll probably do the Undateables in a separate fic, but I’ll definitely do them in the future. Reader is gender neutral!
The Brothers with MC Who Wants to be Healthier
Lucifer
He supports you, just don’t let it get in the way of your studies
Doesn’t really understand why but he doesn’t voice it aloud, and he likes that you’re actually making the effort too, showing a surprising amount of self discipline
He was amused (and worried) when you started working out with Beel, but was relieved when you came back okay and not missing any limbs
Still makes him worry though
He’s too busy to try and workout with you, but he does try to change his eating habits so you don’t feel like you’re doing this alone
(And this would explain why he’s been just a little bit crankier in the mornings since he cut back on his coffee intake. He won’t give it up completely, but he’s trying for you)
He does well keeping you on track though and knowing how strict he can be, it never got to the point of being overwhelming. It’s just his way of encouragement because he really means well and wants the best for you
Praises you so much, and you know it’s the truth too because Lucifer doesn’t just say anything to anyone. And takes his time in showing just how he is of you too, especially behind closed doors
He’s super proud of you, and he’s smug about it too. You’re his, you bear his pact mark on you, so he can’t help but show off your progress. It’s his sin, after all
Brags to Diavolo like the proud boyfriend he is
Mammon
He somewhat understands, but doesn’t at the same time. You look beautiful, stunning, hot, sexy FINE to him, but if that’s what you wanna do, you’re not doing it alone!
(He claims that you owe him some Grimm and that you’ll discuss payment later, but he’s honestly just excited to be doing this with you and doesn’t know how to handle it)
When he says that you’re not doing it alone, he wasn’t kidding. He’s right alongside you (even though he’s already by your side literally all day every day) putting in the effort 100%, and he’s a great motivator too!
Mammon is a model, so working out and healthy diets aren’t new to him. He takes on the role as your very own personal trainer, even if he forgets that you can’t eat all the food that he can or do everything that he can since you’re human
He’s confused but he’s got the right spirit!
His energy is just contagious! Doesn’t matter what you guys did, whether it was eating something instead of the usual Hellfire noodles or coming back after you guys finished a run, he’s always facing you with a blinding smile on his face every time
Mammon is basically your partner in crime and vice versa, so DUH he was gonna do this with you! What kind of first man would he be if he didn’t?
You’re not alone in this MC, and he’ll make sure it stays that way
Leviathan
OOF, he feels like he’s the wrong person to approach with this
It’s not like he doesn’t want to support you! He does! But, we all know how he feels about doing anything physical or doing anything that will take him away from his safe haven...
(With the exception of video games, anime, and Ruri-chan of course)
He REALLY doesn’t understand why you’re doing this, to him it’s like pure torture!
But, he sees how happy you look and how much energy you have now, so (with your help) he looked at it from a different angle...
That you were LEVELING UP
That’s what got him hype
(He still wouldn’t do it with you unfortunately)
He would unironically go on one of his rants and just be in awe at how much you’re powering up, waayyy better than his video game characters or some weak anime MCs; it’s just his way of encouraging you to keep going
He’s still too embarrassed to be straight forward to you, but you’re an inspiration to him. He expects nothing less from his Henry!
(If you see him trying to do any type of exercise in his room: no you didn’t!)
Satan
He finds it endearing to be honest, and he’s glad to help. Maybe he can find some helpful information in one of his books...
He’s not gonna act like your personal trainer like Mammon but he’s gonna be like your personal tutor but for your health!
“MC, make sure you don’t overdo it. I know you want to keep pushing yourself- and you’re doing more than a spectacular job- but you’ll end up hurting yourself if you overexert. How about you do some stretches as a cool down instead?”
Believe it or not, if he does do any type of workout with you (which would be somewhat rare), it would be stretches, only because it is somewhat calming and helps with how tense his body can be
And he enjoys the time he gets to spend with you
But he’s never afraid to give you motivation or give you compliments; he does it proudly and rather bold
Even if it seems like he’s just teasing you, Satan is being 100% honest. You’re already perfect in his eyes, but it just makes it more obvious seeing you doing something for yourself and being happy about it
Asmodeus
I feel like Asmo would be one of the most helpful brothers (besides from Beel of course) because he likes to take care of himself, and that includes eating healthy and working out
Even though doesn’t like to sweat and he hates the idea of feeling gross, he won’t whine (as much) because it’s something that he wants to do. He’s very big on self-love and having confidence, and he’s a firm believer in feeling good about yourself always, no matter what shape or size you are. After all, you gotta feel good to look good!
Plus, he has taken some devilishly selfies of his sweat glistening on him and he knows his fans go wild for those~
But this isn’t about him right now, you should’ve said something sooner MC, he’s glad to help!
Gives you new recipes to taste test together too! New recipes to try with you + new DevilTube videos= a recipe for views (and more time to be selfish with you)
GYM SELFIES
Also prepare to wear matching gym gear too. You guys are going to make progress and in style!
One of his favorite full body workouts hat he loves to do with you is yoga. Not only does it really become a peaceful time for you both to share, but it also gives him the opportunity to show just how flexible he is and how flexible he can make you~
Seriously though, Asmo is here for this! He will always be the first one to praise you for your accomplishments, and even if you feel like it’s small or that you didn’t really accomplish anything, he’ll make sure to prove you wrong
Beelzebub
He caught you doing some workouts in your room, and when he spotted you, it only meant one thing-
WORKOUT BUDDIES
You didn’t even have to ask him for help because he was already 100% on board with it
It’s only a handful of times that you’ve seen Beel be so serious before, so you were shook tbh
But don’t worry, it’s still gonna be tons of fun for you both!
He’s not gonna micromanage you or anything, and he invites you to his workouts all the time. Even if you have to remind him sometimes that you’re a human and you can’t just lift 1000 pound weights like it’s nothing-
The best spotter, no questions asked. If he even thinks that you’re struggling or he sees your arm shake in the slightest, he’s already behind you, holding up the bar and asking if you’re okay
If weights aren’t your thing or if you don’t feel comfortable going to the gym, he doesn’t mind doing at home workouts either! And he’s the best at correcting your form too
Even though he’s known for his insatiable appetite, he’ll still eat healthy with you. He may not know a lot about human food, but he does know what’s good for the body
Of course he still eats full course meals and will just burn it off like nothing, but he can skip out on Madame Screams’ pastries if it means keeping you motivated
You try to tell him that it’s okay for him to eat whatever, but he’s already shaking his head at you, telling you that you guys are in this together, and that’s that
You ended up splitting some sweets with him on your cheat day because you a.) felt bad and b.) wanted to thank you for being the best gym partner ever
He ate majority of it but still
Not to mention the encouragement that he’s always giving you! If it’s an off day or you feel like you didn’t do your best or enough, he’s already there giving you a smile and pulling you back on your feet, saying how much you’ve improved and how far you’ve come, and Beel isn’t the type to just say anything. He really means every word, and it’s more than enough to keep you going
And his high-fives >>>>>>>
The couple that gains together stays together, and he won’t lie; he feels more pumped in his workouts with you by his side
Belphegor
You weren’t coming home for your daily afternoon cuddle session(s), and when you did come home you were drenched in sweat and brushed him off for a shower. It went from occurring just once a week to every other day, and it was making him moodier than usual
When you explained it to him, he was whiny but supportive. Of course he supports your journey to a better lifestyle! He’ll just be supporting you from the comfort of his bed-
You’re definitely dreaming if you think you’re about to get him to join you working out (you should’ve went to Beel if that’s what you’re looking for)
But he’s great at being your cheerleader though! He stays in the room while you’re working out and he’s really cheering you on with his little chants (I mean it’s while he’s lazing around but still are you really surprised?), but you can’t help but still find it endearing and a way to stay positive
If ya’ll seen the new episode you understand what I mean lmao
He’s not one for moving around, but he can help you with what you eat
He’s pretty decent in the kitchen, and he’s got some safe-for-humans healthy snacks that he “borrowed” from Beel and some recipes that he got from Barbatos and Asmo
(Somehow Solomon overheard and volunteered himself to cook and Belphie doesn’t think he ever ran so fast in his life before when he walked away to go grab his “recipe book”)
Makes small remarks about your progress and says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, showing that he does notice the changes you’re making even if you don’t. Really helps you stay motivated!
His words may come off as dry and sarcastic sometimes, but he means well. He may have a bit of a hard time showing that he cares, but he does. And he cares a lot about you, more than he can express
Is also prepared to give you cuddles as both rewards and to make up from before
#obey me x reader#obey me reader insert#obey me headcanons#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me mammon x reader#obey me leviathan x reader#obey me levi x reader#obey me satan x reader#obey me asmo x reader#obey me asmodeus x reader#obey me beelzebub x reader#obey me beel x reader#obey me belphegor x reader#obey me belphie x reader#obey me swd#obey me
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Okay! Mod Prim here! I got this idea from @risottosplug ! I hope they don't mind me tagging them.
La Squadra x Boss' Daughter!Reader: Gangbang Headcanons
I'm not gonna write a full fic just yet, if you wanna see it, let the mods know!
Warnings: Smut, risky kinks, Sorbet and Gelato are feral, Ghiaccio is worse, Melone being Melone, etc.
Context: (all characters are 18+) You, the reader, are the boss' daughter and La Squadra uses you as blackmail against the boss. You were never picked up by Bruno's squad and were instead taken by La Squadra.
Melone:
All too eager tbh
Tries his best to make you feel comfortable with being at their hideout to start things off.
He DOES want you to consent after all.
He is the one who starts things off because it's MELONE
Will call you sweet nicknames in Italian (cara mia, dolcezza, belladonna(which means pretty woman), mia amata)
The mating press is his go to position due to his general nature and knowledge
Besides, what better way to blackmail your middle aged boss by knocking up his daughter, right?
Most definitely indulges in his own foot kink. We saw that episode. We can't deny it.
This man will suck on your toes.
Decently well endowed, 6-7 inches hard, not unbearably thick, well groomed
Know what the clit is and where it is so it's safe to assume you're gonna cum
Definitely creampies you. That is not up for debate.
Formaggio
He shrinks you down just a lil bit for funsies
He wants you to struggle to fit him
It's the size kink for me
Second biggest tease
Backhanded compliments
"You're so tight puttana. I feel like you were made for this!"
Hair pulling extraordinaire
Please claw at his back he will nut so hard omfg
He's not much for toys but he will shove the handle of a knife in your ass to 'prepare you'
Call him daddy. He'll laugh but he'll enjoy it.
100% into calling you kitten I don't take criticism
6 inches hard, thick, he does not trim thats a fuckin bush down there
Didn't know where the clit was at first until Melone showed him, but he didn't listen
Prefers to pull out and cum on your thighs and stomach
Illuso
By far the biggest tease
He will choke the living shit out of you like your eyes will be rolled back and he's making Melone hold your hand so you can't claw at his hands
Wants your neck to bruise
You might pass out but that won't stop him
If you do get your hands free, pull his hair and this man will MOAN SO GODDAMN LOUD
He will bite the shit out of you though ngl
Like, you're bleeding today
Surprisingly into knifeplay
Yeah that knife in your ass is being gently dragged across your skin just enough to break it and blood to bead up on the surface
Solid 8 inches, he will destroy you, completely shaved. He likes to be clean.
Despite his cocky demeanor and smarmy bitch attitude, he knows where the clit is and will make you cum
He will creampie you but he's also gonna pull out and jack himself off, edging himself until everyone's had a turn with you
Prosciutto
Double-teaming you with Pesci
Consider it a learning experience for both you and him.
Prosciutto in the front, Pesci in the back. Sweet and Sour sandwich.
Sooooooo goddamn rough
He's putting a collar on you and yanking that bitch until you bruise even more
Call him daddy and that makes things better or worse depending on your outlook
Tells Pesci what to do while fucking you
"Use her damn it! Be rough!"
D E G R A D A T I O N
"Take it troia! I wonder what your real daddy would say if he saw you like this. What would he say puttana? Hm?"
Please answer him. He will slap the fuck out of you.
Another solid 8 inches, a little on the thinner side, very well groomed
Obviously he knows where the clit is and you will cum. No matter what.
Big fan of the creampie. Demands Pesci creampies you as well.
Pesci
He kinda didn't want to do this
But he comes around to the idea when Proscuitto makes him join in.
He's shy and doesn't want to be rough but Proscuitto demands that he be rougher with you
So he complies
Holds onto your waist
Compliments you
"Y-You feel so g-good! And you're s-so pretty!"
Buries his face in your shoulder blades to keep from moaning too loud
Average length, 5-6 inches but thick, well groomed
Proscuitto showed him where the clit was but he's still a little inexperienced
Creampies you because Proscuitto told him to
Sorbet and Gelato
Good luck
Oh these two are going to break you
Bruises, bites, scratches, blood
Gelato begs to take your ass and that is probably worse considering he is absolutely feral
Drags his knife between your shoulder blades and gathers up the blood to use as lube. Even he knows how important it is folks.
Sorbet takes the front and gives Gelato a sweet kiss before absolutely wrecking your shit
Pulls your hair like he's trying to rip your head from your shoulders
Bite him, he bites back and he will lap up your blood like a goddamn vampire
He is daddy. If you call Gelato daddy they will laugh.
"Normally it's little bastard but I'll be your daddy just for today troia piccola"
Sorbet is longer at about 7 inches, a little on the thinner side and well groomed. Gelato is 6 inches, a little thicker and man's got a fuckin bush.
They know where the clit is but they don't care
Sorbet prefers to creampie and Gelato pulls out and cums on your back.
Ghiaccio
Feral bastard
Has Melone join in again for a triple threesome
He will scream, degrade, bruise and make you cry before he's even inside you.
Meanwhile Melone is balls deep in your ass
But when Ghiaccio is inside you, he has the most brutal pace out of anyone
He wants to make you scream and damn it he will
Pull his hair it'll make him whimper before he gets even more pissed and decides to fuck you harder.
"You think that was funny puttana?! I'll give you something to laugh about!"
Has Melone hook his arm under one leg while he hooks his under the other and rails you into next week.
He's gonna be sure you either can't walk or have serious trouble walking.
7 1/2 inches, decently thick, well groomed but it's super curly
He also knows where the clit is but he also fails to give a shit
Pulls out and bends you over so he can cum on your face while Melone creampies your ass
Risotto
Once everyone on his team has had a turn, Risotto stands up.
The minute you see him you know you are oh so very FUCKED
He makes a display of his strength by picking you up and using you as his own personal fleshlight.
Lives for the bulge in your stomach he can't get enough of it
He doesn't moan, he groans and growls.
Uses the blood dripping from your body to make handcuffs and chains using Metallica
Orders Proscuitto to put them on you
Calls you gattina(kitten)
Call him master and something snaps
You aren't walking after this
But if you call him Capo
Honey you aren't waking up after this
Adores choking his partners
You are no exception
10 inches(as is the consensus from the fandom), the kind of thick that will split you in two and well groomed
He knows where the clit is and uses that to his advantage whenever he's about to cum
Creampie. This man has enough cum to be a 1 man bukkake
Then he tilts you down so Illuso can finish once more on your face
After you've been thoroughly used and have cum multiple times, you end up blindfolded. You're covered in cum, filled with cum, and you're blindfolded. Turns out the men in LA Squadra fixed themselves up and decided to take a snapshot of you, upload it to Risotto's computer and emailed it to their boss. Your father. This seemed to be ample blackmail.
#jjba headcanons#jjba smut#risotto nero#formaggio jjba#Proscuitto jjba#jjba pesci#melone jjba#illuso#sorbet and gelato#risotto x reader#prosciutto x reader#illuso x reader#melone x reader#ghiaccio x reader#sorbet and gelato x reader#la squadra x reader
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