#he hurts me constantly
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Thinking about how the Camero is a true representation of gansey on the inside. A new but old car/soul, fancy but with so many things broken and wrong with it but it works (mostly) anyway, and it's adored anyway
Thinking about how both Ronan and Adam stole the Camero for selfish but justified reasons, the same way they take Gansey's support love and trust for granted, and how they break his trust in doing so and yet Gansey loves and forgives them anyway, because they try to make it up to him (eventually)
Thinking about how the only person Gansey willingly let drive his car is the same person who wants to take care of Gansey the same way he cares for everyone else, and accepts his faults and flaws (how blue is pissed off by his shield, his president cellphone mask, but loves him more when she can see him being pitiful, unperfect, broken, and real, just like the camero)
I am once again thinking about Richard Campbell Gansey III
#gansey is officially my blorbo whoops#this boy will not leave my mind in peace#he hurts me constantly#i love him so much#this isnt a diss at ronan or adam either they have their reasons#and i could use the camero as a metaphor again in a breakdown of each of their characters if i wanted too#but im still thinking about how the camero is a metaphor for gansey's heart and soul#how ronan breaks gansey's heart and how both he and adam stole it#but blue was the only one he willingly GAVE his heart too#and how they cared for it together....#mmmm thoughts thoughts thoughts#also this is why i severely dislike ronan x gansey or adam x gansey (i adore platonic) but my otp is bluesey#anyway#trc#the raven cycle#the raven boys#the dream thieves#blue lily lily blue#the raven king#gansey#richard campbell gansey iii#richard gansey#blue sargent#ronan lynch#adam parrish#bluesey#gansey meta#shay posts#my blorbo gansey#trc brainrot
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Please. I don’t want to hurt you.
Inspired by @wyvernne ’s vampluc
#sad and angsty vampire turned against his will and only drinks from animals because he sees himself as a monster#which leaves him incredibly weak and thirsty for real sustenance but he would rather drink his own blood than hurt you#his control will only last for so long!#sorry for being incredibly inactive and unresponsive with asks#lots of change in my life right now that’s leaving me incredibly anxious#can’t focus well so I just avoid things constantly. im sure someone can understand what I mean#oh well#diluc#my art#genshin impact#vampluc
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Wholeheartedly
#(but not willingly)#they makr me insaaaaaaane bc its like.#wanting to be who you used to be. wanting to go back to when things didnt hurt all the time#ignoring the fact that even back then things were still bad#it was bad and it still is bad but now its bad and also painful constantly#and just bad is better than pain#but its not possible to go back bc ur not that person anymore#and 'that person' is now seperate from you#and he doesnt know anything#and all you want anymore is to join with him so you can both be the 'you' that was sad and lonely and abused#but at least you werent in pain#this actually doesnt have much to do with the art itself i just felt like rambling about vanitas bc hes fucked ip#and deserves therapy for *gestures vaugely* all that#vanitas#ventus#vanven#in spirit#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts birth by sleep#kh#kh bbs#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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I jUST LEARNED
Megatron and Orion Pax meeting for the first time:
And then. When Future Megs talking to Past Orion in mtmte#36
#I#help#I didn’t understand this moment when I was reading mtmte I DIDNT HAVE THE CONTEXT#The fact that….that Megatron did so much terrible things#and hurted and murdered so many people#and tried to kill Optimus for millions of years#but when he’s talking to this past Orion#the first thing Orion pulling is#ah Megatron with an R#his first initial reaction is to joke about that one time he mispronounced Megatron’s name#because this Pax#This past version of him doesn’t remember Megatron as a tyrant. He remembers him as a guy whose name isnt Megaton oops sorry this is awkward#he’s Megatron with R my bad#it’s such a innocent little detail#Everyone around Megatron constantly reminding him about all his crimes and seeing him though ‘he is scary’ and ‘he is evil’ lenses#But this👆#This is a reminder#Megatron wasn’t always a terrible person#He was ‘Megatron with an R’ once#I don’t know why this detail hit me so hard. I must be running out of symbols ahahah#maccadam#mtmte#tapa if you’re happen to read this#this moment is from issue 22 in a general map I gave you:)
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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.
Turns out that was a perilous mistake.
Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me
What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:
LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"
The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--
How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls
And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:
Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.
Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)
Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:
Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me
Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:
I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.
And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...
I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.
How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.
Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.
#svsss#bingqiu#moshang#i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change#also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content#the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing#mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other#how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer#how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal#how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him#SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S#it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like#mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms#okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem#really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing#the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan#that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace#over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it#the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form#how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment#how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are#how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them#how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them#ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry#as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance#that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression
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all the baldur’s gate 3 companion storylines. is just loving someone enough to break them free from the cycle. understanding that what they think they want isn’t good for them. valuing their character more than their power.
#minthara literally says ‘shadowheart becoming a dark justiciar would be good for us but bad for her’#if you choose not to ascend astarion he thanks you for saving him from the same hunger for power that trapped cazador#lae’zel realizes that she was raised to die and bring her queen to higher power#karlach has a fuckign. bomb in her chest. and she wants to die with it#wyll is constantly sacrificing himself for the good of the city and his father#and gale only wants the power to become a god so that he may never be hurt by one again#‘did you love me enough to save me from myself’core fr#i feel so bad for all of them#idk im just Thinking#baldur's gate 3#saiph speaks#bg3
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Long Day at School
Daddy! Peeta makes my heart melt. Figured everyone needed some of him to withstand the winter.
#dad bod! Peeta does things to me that I can’t explain on tumblr sorry#bc you can’t tell me after 20 years he doesn’t look like a dad#he’s in his 40s let him eat cheese buns and complain about his back hurting#and I just know the toast babies would hang on him and want to be held constantly#he’d want to hold them constantly#que walking into the bakery and he’s got both kids on his hips and he asks how he can help you#but my personal little heacannon for this pic#the school and bakery aren’t too far apart so he picks up the kids if Katniss can’t (she’s hunting#and he picks them up after letting them play with their friends for a few minutes#in this pic toastbaby girl is probably 5ish and toastbaby boy is a baby so he wouldn’t be in school yet#I headcannon the siblings are 3ish years apart#but Peeta picks up his little girl from school and she’s not chattering about her day like usual#she falls asleep on his shoulder before they even leave town#her name is Willow#but he calls her so many endearing names#buggiebite#the hunger games#katniss everdeen#everlark#fanart#peeta mellark#thg#katniss everdeen fanart#district 12#katniss mellark#katniss and peeta#toastbaby girl#toastbaby
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#dahlia hawthorne#ace attorney#phoenix wright#dahlia x phoenix#alexa play dark red by steve lacy#my art#since i dont want to make a dedicated post let me use my notes to vent about how much i love dahlia conceptually and how much i wish AA +#writers weren't sexist#dahlia was given the shittiest set of cards when she was a kid and she was a victim of grooming by that terry loser#she is CONSTANTLY objectified and sexualised and i think her design as a skinny young looking individual makes it even more distasteful#but i think it works if the writers could have done something with that#what i love about dahlia and phoenix's relationship is the contrast - phoenix needs to see people as innocent before jumping to help them v#dahlia who has if you think about it is innocent to a degree given how fucked up her childhood was#dahlia could have been a great case study into compassion for phoenix as she has hurt him directly but in his role as a lawyer he has to se#past certain flaws so justice can be served#and it can PUSH his understanding of what is “guilty”#yes dahlia killed people but also i choose to believe her worldview was severely warped by her enviornment and she's a product of it#or if they wanted to make her a villain and stick with it i think as a rival ro phoenix she should have been a cautionary tale#of what happens when you never learn to move beyond the shitty hand youve been dealt with and live non judgementally#anyways ^_^
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i was thinking about this line from my fic:
But the fall had hurt, too. Because the wind had cut into his useless wings like knives, his skin and grace peeling away under the friction, and he had been looking right up at the multicoloured and unreachable expanse of sky just to see it fade from his eyes into dull greys.
and i came up with this. i hope the vision came through
#fearandhatred#fearandpoetry#<- check out this tag for some relatively more normal poetry#this was written at 3 am once again#i am really just out here doing anything#don't think this needs much explanation but i shall yap anyway#this is just crowley through the ages but as he discovers more about the earth he also finds more things he can compare hurt to#because in the beginning all he could compare the wind cutting into him with was the wind itself#and also abandonment. because imo that is one of the first Big Negative Emotions he ever felt besides his dreams being crushed lmaoo#but i think it's fun how this poem also implies that he's constantly thinking about how the fall hurt and how everything reminds him of it#this was also very tedious for the perfectionist in me and the proportions are STILL off#because i only drafted out the wings lmao i was not planning on including the head#then i was like wait what if people don't realise that it's wings#so that happened#and changing the proportions means changing the structure which i do not want to do#good omens#good omens season 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#good omens poetry#good omens fanart#yeah tagging this as fanart because i had to draw everything out first lmao#poetry#writing
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sooo normal about this (lying)
#idw is constantly Kiling It with the turtle characterizations but man what they are doing with raph is so special#he was alone for a Year at the very start and then finally found his family#he’s familiar with how to survive but now he has a support system! a family!#and then bit by bit everything gets more dangerous#casey gets hurt Badly. leo is kidnapped and brainwashed. donnie almost dies. splinter’s desperate to kill shredder and succeeds#and then mikey leaves bc he sees the path splinter is on and he can’t be a part of that#raph’s family keeps getting hurt or they leave and he’s trying so hard to protect and keep them together#god the talk raph has with mikey absolutely rips me apart bc it’s literally right before splinter sets up harold as bait#we all know raph is the fighter and the protector but i really like how idw showcases it#he’s terrified but he can’t stop fighting or else something else will happen to his family and they will possibly get killed#sorry i’m insane about him#tmnt idw#tmnt#idw#idw raph#idw leo#idw donnie#idw mikey#teenage mutant ninja turtles#turtle talks
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jasico server was chatting about the cupid scene and jason getting nico's memories blasted straight into his brain and how jason being shot with one of cupid's arrows while with nico and this was just never brought up in canon again and now i'm thinking like...what if that's just how cupid's arrows work? not by magically manifesting love for someone out of nothing, but by giving someone the perspective that'd make them fall in love naturally? jason gets a front row seat to nico's memories and instantly understands him intimately and can trust him completely without any doubt or suspicion
so what if jason, after slowly realizing he's totally in love with nico, just thought back to the arrow incident and it made him second-guess everything? because maybe he's only feeling this way because cupid hit him with an arrow with only nico was around and it's no different than any other god messing with his love life
#i live for anything that drags out the pining/pre-relationship period as long as possible okay#give me the drama of jason frustrated about constantly being manipulated by gods#in love with nico but convinced it's just cupid fucking with him and not wanting nico to get dragged into it#maybe telling nico eventually because he's having trouble hiding his feelings and he doesn't wanna hurt nico by confusing him#which is of course an emotional rollercoaster for nico#hearing jason say he's in love with him only to then immediately hear that it's just godly fuckery#nico agreeing to help jason find cupid to get it reversed because he knows how much it sucks having feelings for someone unwillingly#and he doesn't want jason stuck mooning over someone like him just because he was unkucky enough to be with nico for the cupid incident#whole quest in which nico develops feelings in return and angsts because he's sure jason only feels that way because of the arrow#maybe a slip-up in the middle somewhere with nico accidentally revealing he likes jason back before backpedaling wildly#so now jason has hope despite himself because he'd never really thought it was possible anyway given nico's feelings for percy#and he doesn't like being manipulated by gods but he doesn't mind the idea of being in love with nico#and what if he just gave up on the hunt for cupid entirely and let it happen#while nico feels guilty since clearly it's just cupid arrow magic fucking with jason and he's enabling it#and then of course when they finally find cupid he explains how his arrows work and that he can't just FORCE someone to be in love#no more than hera could with jason and piper by fucking with their memories to push them together#cupid's methods are just way more effective#my tag babble ended up longer than the actual post oh my god#pjo#jasico#my dumb headcanons
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Tails dies during a battle this Tails dies slowly due to radiation poisoning that(both amazing and soul-crushing ideas btw), I present to you; Tails dying in his workshop during a freak accident.
Tails working on something he knows is volatile and dangerous and he is careful, he took every safety precaution he could and yet it still ends up killing him. It explodes and either instantaneously kills him or he ends up trapped beneath the debris of his now destroyed workshop, unable to call for help or free himself.
He is bleeding, he is feeling drowsier and it's getting harder to breathe by the second. His communicator is broken, he can't even move his right hand, he can't call Sonic for help or anyone for that matter (the hedgehog doesn't even know what he was working on today, Tails hadn't told him, he knew Sonic wouldn't allow it. He now wishes he did).
He is far away from any city, which he now sees as a huge oversight on his part, any hospital is out of reach in time. He feared if something went array it might cause harm to others so the best bet was to work away from any dense populous.
Despite the burns on his chest and warm blood pooling beneath him, he starts to feel cold.
He tries to push the wooden beam off him with a shaky hand one last time before his vision goes dark.
He hopes Sonic won't be too mad.
#sonic the hedgehog#Sonic then arrives at the scene#and idk which would hurt more#Tails already cold and unmoving or just barely breathing#dying on the way to a hospital#or already a corpse in Sonic' arms#so many scenarios to think about :)#oh and btw I'm still working on that art thing don't forget#it's just a bit more of an undertaking that I first anticipated#might finish it on the next Wednesday probably#depends on if my motivation will work with me or against me#xoxo#miles tails prower#tails the fox#sonic and tails#unbreakable bond#theyre brothers your honor#brothers constantly dying on each.other your honor#noo I just think it would be so fuck up if sonic found tails dead in a place where he was supoused to be safe#just so so fucked up that he ran by cuz he meant to visit but instead he found the building in dissaray and his brother burried in it#i cant work this into a fic for the life of me cuz it would never see the light of day#but Id enjoy someone turning it into one *wink wink nudge nudge*
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Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.
#no im so pissed about that.#dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful#and just#walk away scot free#last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month.#that might just be the bpd tho#but still#quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself#and then she makes her her vice??????????#she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip#sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around#which as she should#but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL#in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist#like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider#i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it#and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe'#THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????.#also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis#with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions#and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore#and then victimizing herself!!!!!!!#like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is#idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner#anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page.#heartbreak high#heartbreak high season 2#quinni gallagher jones#sasha so#missy beckett
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it's weird how in the flashback episodes we never really see sam as an angry kid when we hear so much about how he argued with john nonstop and how vocal he was about hating the life throughout the show, he's always portrayed as kinda timid and quiet.
the only time we see him act out like that (that i remember right now anyway) is in after school special and he spends the entire episode pushing it down and swallowing everything he wants to say until he is finally pushed too far
its almost like sam wasn't a horribly angry child (or adult)
#this goes doubly for early seasons sam who kept getting told he was so filled with rage#i also just think that its kinda bad writing. i feel like the writers forgot that sam was constantly standing up for him and dean never did#im also reading weechesters fics rn and the most frustraiting thing is reading a fic that portrays dean as the rebelious one who stood up t#john for sam#you literally have never watched the show ever#we also never really get to see teen sam which is so hurtful to me personally :(#i know it would have been difficult because sam was 22 in the pilot so people kinda know what teen him and early 20s dean look like#but i prommy people woyld have suspended their disbelief
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i feel bad for tails
he's a critter that is very hands on with affection but his closest siblings are a bunch of pincushions so his love comes at a price he must burden
#i know that relaxed hedgehog quills won't actually hurt#(idk if echidna quills are the same someone please tell me)#but w a group of kids who are constantly fighting the big bad i imagine their quills are like#bristled 110% of the time#miles tails prower#sonic the hedgehog#sth#tails the fox#sonic#knuckles the echidna#unbreakable bond#dynamic duo#amy rose#shadow the hedgehog#brain and brawn#pinky lemonade#bumblebee#foxes love snuggling but tails is surrounded by hedgehogs and a echidna#he can't nuzzle the back of their heads :((
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I LOVE AND APPRECIATE MY FRIENDS WITH NPD 👊👊👊👊👊👊💥💥💥 OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#npd#narcassistic personality disorder#one of my best friends has npd and he gets SO MUCH SHIT CONSTANTLY#I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be#yeah. it’s one of the coolest guys I know and I hate how much misinformation narcissism is subject to#I'd recommend researching the disorder and asking your npd loved ones how you can help them manage their disorder!!#god warning it is so hard to find information on npd that isn’t ‘my EVIL narcissist friend and how I isolated and hurt them#as punishment for their disorder!!’#Id suggest asking people who have npd about their experiences#seriously. god I believed the stigma before I got a friend with npd and it’s so so wrong#yeah. unfollow me right fucking now if you believe that narcassists are inherently abusive and evil and unable to have good relationships#STOP DEMONISING DISORDERS
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