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#he has been saying this the whole time

hailsatanacab · 5 months

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Family Dinners - dpxdc

"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne!" Danny gaped, jabbing a finger at the man sitting at the head of the table.

The bustling dining room goes silent as everyone turns to look at him.

"Danny, who did you think was going to be here?" Tim asks, disbelief plain in his voice and Danny feels his face flush red.

"Sorry, I, uh, I guess I just never put it together. Tim Drake-Wayne. Wayne Manor. It, uh, makes sense now." He laughs sheepishly and scrubs at his neck before slumping back down into his chair.

"Well," Tim says with an indulgent sigh, "at least I know you're not just friends with me for my connections."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry, I just never thought about it, I guess."

Danny sinks lower as everyone around him laughs. Come to dinner, he said, the food is the best, he said, ignore the family, he said. Danny really wishes he'd listened to Tim and just ignored them—almost as much as he's regretting accepting the offer in the first place—but... he's having dinner with Batman.

Ancients, that's so weird!

The last time he saw Batman was in the future and, suffice it to say, it was not going well. There hadn't really been time for family dinners there.

Wait. Family dinners?

He peers around the table, openly gawking at everyone as it all clicks into place.

"Everything alright, Danny? Now realising who everyone else is?" Tim asks with a roll of his eyes.

"Uh... something like that..." Danny mumbles as everyone laughs again.

From further down the table, the smallest Wayne scoffs and clicks his tongue.

"I thought you said he was smart, Drake?"

"So, you all do it, too, then?" he asks, ignoring the jibe. Danny's only a little bit jealous as he thinks of how much easier they must have it, how much easier it'd be if his family had been on his side, too. "You all work together?"

"Nah," Dick says from across the table with a brilliant grin. "Tim's the only one that works with Bruce, we all have different jobs. I'm a police officer in Bludhaven."

"Disgusting." Danny blurts out without thinking—because seriously, what kind of self-respecting vigilante would also be a police officer?—before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Sorry."

The whole table laughs again, the loudest being the blonde girl a few spaces down from Dick. Look, Danny wasn't really paying attention to names when they were all paraded in front of him. Dick only gets remembered because his name is a joke.

Come on, Danny, recover!

"That's, uh, not what I meant, though."

"Oh?" Dick asks, cocking his head slightly to the side. Is it Danny's imagination or does his smile tense slightly?

"Yeah, I mean like, you know, in costume. It must make it so much easier to have everyone together like this."

"Costume? What do you mean?"

Yeah, Danny's not imagining it, everyone tenses up at that. It's really only now that he's realising that this probably isn't how he should bring up that he knows about their... night time activities. In fact, he probably shouldn't be bringing it up at all.

"Uuhhh..." Danny looks wildly around the table as he continues making his stupid noise. Think, think, think! There must be a way out of this!

"Danny?" Tim asks, looking concerned.

"Oh, Ancients, this isn't how I wanted it to go at all," he mutters, slipping even further into his chair. He's almost on the floor now and he so, so wishes it could just swallow him up.

His real first meeting with Batman was meant to be cool! He had planned to be Phantom, maybe save them from a tight spot, prove his worth as a mysterious and powerful ally as thanks for the help Batman gave him in the future.

"Danny, what are you talking about?" Tim starts tugging on his sleeve in an attempt to pull him back up from his pit of despair.

Eventually, Danny relents and sits up straighter, hiding his face in his hands and whining all the while.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect him to be here and it threw me off so now I look stupid and it's so embarrassing!" he wails, flailing his arms wide. "Why wouldn't you warn me that Batman was your adopted dad, Tim? Couldn't you have let me know?"

"I'm sorry, what? Danny are you alright? There's no way Bruce can be Batman, look at him!"

"Yeah," the blonde girl laughs from the bottom of the table, "look at him! That's a wet noodle of a man! Batman can actually do things, B is incapable of pretty much everything."

"Thank you, Stephanie," Bruce sighs, massaging his forehead.

It's... Those are the first words Danny's heard Batman say since everything went down and it's enough to knock him out of his embarrassment.

It's really good to hear his voice again. Especially now, when it's strong and healthy and full of personality—even if that personality is little more than a tired father right now—far better than how it had been, at the end.

Danny sits up, back straight, and grins. He's got this. He remembers it perfectly. Some people count sheep to fall asleep, Danny repeats his mantra to be certain that he'll never forget it.

"Gamma alpha upsilon tau iota mu epsilon, 42, 63, 28, 1 colon 65 dash 9."

Once again, the whole table falls into silence.

"Holy shit..." breathes the other D name (Duke? Danny's pretty sure he's Signal) from opposite Stephanie. "Isn't that...?"

"The time travelling code." The littlest Wayne says stiffly. "We have met in the future?"

"That's not just the time travelling code, Dami." Dick says, looking between Danny and Bruce. "That's the family time travelling code."

Danny's grin freezes in place.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"1 colon 65 dash 9." Dick explains, still flicking between him and Bruce. "It means you've been adopted into the family and we should all treat you as such, no questions asked."

"Tell you what, I'm about to ask a question." Danny says, dumbstruck. "You just told me it was a code to identify time travellers, not anything about being adopted! What the hell, B?"

Bruce looks about as shellshocked as Danny feels.

"We must have been close," he says finally, after opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water a few times.

"No! Not that close!" Danny reels back, taking a deep breath ready to refute it all, but... "Well, I mean, you found me when I first got stuck, and you helped me get better despite being... And then we fought together against the, uh, bad guy, before he, um, he... before you couldn't."

An uncomfortable beat passes while they all pick up on what Danny tried so hard not to say.

"So, you're not from the future, then, you travelled there and came back?" Tim asks, breaking the tension and leaning forward with a glint in his eye.

"Yeah, it was a whole end of the world thing, but don't worry about it," Danny says with a hand wave, "It's all kosher now, won't ever happen."

"What did happen?"

"Seriously, don't worry about it, we cool."

"How long in the future was it?"

"About ten years? You were pretty spry for an old man, B," Danny laughs, wishing they'd get off the topic of what happened and get back to the adoption bit.

Everyone shares degrees of a cautious smile as they relax out of the shock, and Dick—whose grin is the biggest—says, "No wonder you got the family code, you're already riffing on him like one of us. How long were you there for?"

"A week, before I managed to get back to my present and stop him then."

"A week? Jeez, B, that has to set some kind of record, seriously."

"Oh!" Danny says, sitting bolt upright and blinking in surprise before pointing at Dick and bouncing in his seat. "You're Nightwing!"

"What?"

"That's exactly what Nightwing said when Batman told me the code! Makes so much more sense now."

Dick laughs and claps his hands, delighted.

"You were not formally adopted?" The grumpy small one—Dami?—asks, his face pinched.

"I didn't even know I was informally adopted."

"And your parents? Are they alive or dead?"

"Damian, stop—"

"They were dead in the future, but they're alive now." Danny says, looking down. He fiddles with the tablecloth, twisting the fabric around his fingers as he fights down the pang of sadness that he always feels when he thinks of them now. He forces a bright smile on his face and hopes it doesn’t look too strained. "I just, uh, can't talk to them much, anymore."

"Damian," Dick warns, "1 colon 65 dash 9. Treat them as family, no questions asked."

"This is Damian treating him as family, the little turd has no manners." Tim scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he gently bumps shoulders with Danny to knock him out of his funk. Danny can't help but send him a watery smile.

"I have the most exemplary manners, Drake, unlike some people." Damian spits, crossing his arms with a pout. "I was merely ascertaining his status to see how he could possibly fit into the family."

"I know this is all a bit sudden, Danny," Bruce smiles, ignoring Damian and reaching out to lay a warm hand on his arm, "for all of us. But if I felt strongly enough to give you that code after spending a week with you in the future, then you are more than welcome in this family, if you so choose it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we'd like to get to know you a bit more."

"I know a threat when I hear it, Bruce." Danny snorts. "But, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry this is all so weird, it really wasn't how I wanted to find you again, but... I'm glad I did."

"So are we, Danny." Dick says, with a warm smile. "And formally or not, 1 colon 65 dash 9 means you're family. Welcome to the fun house! No take backs or refunds, sorry. You're stuck with us."

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #batpham #hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes #look. this has been in my mind for so long guys so long - and idk if its canon that the batfam have codes for time travel situations or what #but i feel like ive seen it before and if its not canon it should be #so here - how i think that would be funny to go down #i have so many thoughts about TUE and its place in a dpxdc crossover like holy shit there's so many ways it can go!!#i have another wip in the works thats kinda similar to this but with superman and i cannot wait to work on it again #there are so many ways i wanted this to go but i just couldnt get there - i wanted to keep it on the shorter side but like #perhaps ill have to expand #i just love the idea that like. theres a stranger at your table who knows you and knows you well. who knows the secret that youd die to keep #there's a stranger at your table and he says something and you know he's family. you know you're strangers but now...#now you have to be something more #oh man theres so many juicy ways it can go and I KNOW I DID NONE OF THEM #i want to write this whole plot again and make it angstier #(me with everything)#anyway! sorry love you all hope you enjoy it!!

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raeofgayshine · 2 years

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Bruce Wayne, drunk and full on Brucie mood in the middle of a gala: You know, that accent doesn’t really fit in around here. It’s cute. Where are you from?

Clark, internally debating every life choice that led him to this moment: I’m from Smallville. Kansas.

Bruce, leaning closer to Clark with a flirty smile: Oh you’re cute and funny. You know, I like that in a man.

Clark, very confused but trying to just go along with it: Thank you??

Bruce: I mean, everyone knows that Kansas isn’t real but I do always enjoy a good laugh.

Clark: What.

Bruce: What? Everyone knows that Kansas was made up for Wizard of Oz.

Clark, unsure if Bruce is fucking with him or if he’s just really deep into this dumb act: Bruce, Kansas is a real place. It’s one of the 50 states that make up America.

Bruce, tilting his head a little confused: There’s 50 states? Since when?

#ravenpuff rambles #bruce wayne #Clark Kent #incorrect batman quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #superbat #if you want to read it like that I mean Bruce is definitely flirting with Clark #and annoying him at the same time but really that’s just their relationship #anyways shout out to my sister who texted me ‘You think Bruce pretends Kansas isn’t real to annoy Clark?’#haven’t been able to stop thinking about that since then #The thing is Bruce absolutely went into this as just a way to fuck with Clark but he got drunk and maybe leaned in a bit too hard #and then the next thing he knows he’s waking up to the news story ‘Bruce Wayne shocked to find out Kansas is real’#*cuts to video of a distraught Bruce looking at Clark’s phone where Clark has a map of the US up*#‘See there’s Kansas’#Bruce: ‘My whole life has been a lie?’ *looks to the camera* ‘Dick Dick did you know that Kansas was *real*’#Dick snickering: ‘Yeah B they taught us that in school’#Bruce: ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me?’#His kids never fucking let him live it down nor do any of them believe Bruce when he tries to defend himself and say he knew Kansas was real #all along. They just pat his arm and go ‘Sure you did B’#Brucie Wayne my beloved himbo of a man

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disguisedcheezed · 3 months

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it's so funny to me when people just believe that john is straight because he said "i'm not a homosexual" once because

1. you are believing the words of a 13 yr old who was 12 the day before.

2. people forget that he's 13 when he said that, and that he is not old enough for a proper romantic relationship.

3. john egbert doesn't think. in fact, he'd rather not AT ALL. like. EVER.

4. why would he think about ever liking a girl? can't he just say it out right if he does?

also, this part in a nutshell:

karkat: DO YOU WANNA BE IN A RELATIONSHI-

john: i am not a homosexual. 👍

5. god king of repression had you fooled FOOL.

and the most ironic part is that it's the same shit homophobic parents say like "yeah, but when you were 13 you said you liked girls soooo"

#homestuck #john egbert #homestuck analysis #hs analysis #hs meta #IT HAS BEEN 14 FUCKING YEARS #man :/#there is literally no need to post about this only if homestuck fans could actually read #john egbert was queer this whole time? the horror!#literally what his gag was all about lmao #argument happened in twt about johns gender/sexuality instead of saying that hes just queer couldve just ended everything #LMAO #a twt qrt mentioned that this post was about defending my yaoi ship? which is literally not? theyr using it as a reason hate on me lol #i love john egbert so much its painful. dirk strider can die because he failed ME so idrc

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catharusustulatus · 1 year

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Steve runs hot and Eddie is always cold, but Eddie is the sun and Steve is the moon. Steve exercises every morning to keep in shape and Eddie can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. Steve loves to make big romantic breakfasts and Eddie is barely hungry until 2 pm. Steve is horrible at board games but competitive and Eddie is laid back and always wins. Steve cooks full meals when he’s hungry and Eddie eats a bell pepper like an apple. Steve loves to sit on his roof and look at the stars and Eddie loves to sit on Steve’s roof and look at Steve.

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #stranger things headcanon #steddie headcanon #stranger things headcanons #this short little diddy is dedicated to brain rot #imagine Steve and Eddie on the roof and they’re smitten with each other #and steve turns to look at Eddie and finds that he’s been looking at him the whole time #how long have you been staring? Steve asks #long enough says Eddie and then he dives into Steve’s lips #and then they make out in the cold until it’s time for bed #and Steve’s bedroom has never felt so good before in his life #also you know Steve is making like eggs Benedict out of a cookbook Mrs Henderson gave him for his birthday #and Eddie is like thank you I love it but also wet eggs???#anyway they’re married now so there

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ludaroace · 2 months

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insane over fit's last three streams and how far in denial he still is despite being told by multiple people with varying amounts of proof that tubbo is Dead and not dead .

he watches tubbo Die and people tell him tubbo is Dead but he can't be because it's tubbo and he's just being dramatic he always does things like this . him and richarlyson were just messing around - they do that all of the time

the next day he doesn't see anyone thats not an egg really . a couple of people for like five minutes at a time, but it's really just him and ramon and then dapper which is unusual but it happens . tubbo should be awake by now . dapper tells him tubbo is Dead and he can't be . it doesn't matter that he hasn't seen tubbo since he died because tubbo will come back

sunny is awake without tubbo and tells fit that tubbo is Dead and she wants to bring him cakes like ma lenay . that some creature thing called creation is here to protect sunny because tubbo is Dead and that she needs someone to hang out with/feed her and fit & ramon can do that ! but tubbo is not Dead because the islanders don't Die here for real (ignore dan and maxo and spreen . they were special cases . the islanders don't Die .) . in the letter he writes, he doesn't believe tubbo is Dead . he might have died, but he will come back because sunny misses him (the heavily implied he does too, but if he writes that then it's real)

phil is the first not child fit really gets to talk to after what happens and he tells him that tubbo is Dead but that he can come back and of course he can ? all they need to do is get this computer thing and his purpose data which makes no sense but it's tubbo and he doesn't always do things that make sense and honestly it wouldn't be the strangest thing tubbo has done to gate his respawn behind an item quest . hell, theres a small chance he has part of what he needs by complete coincidence

#qsmp #q!fitmc #q!tubbo #idk i just think its (adjective) that everytime he has been told tubbo is dead he's just straight up disagreed later on or to their face #because how could /tubbo/ die ? he wouldn't and there is a very obvious explanation for everything that has happened since that disproves i #like he fully doesn't believe it . not even saying it to try to reassure the people around him there is just no way tubbo died for real #if fit and creation get to interact it is going to go crazy #can't wait for fit to look creation in the eyes and go well yeah i'll help but like . buddy i don't know why you're acting like he's dead #also going to be a VERY interesting next time pac logs on #cuz i think the most likely person to end up telling him is fit and he is clearly handling this whole thing very normally #fitmc tag #tubbo tag #phil tag #sunny tag #dapper tag

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