I cannot overstate the net positive impact these two have had on my emotional and mental health.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

GOD!!!!! 😭😭💓💗💖💓💓💞💞💕💟💝💘💝💝💞💗💘💝💟💓💗💞💕💟💝💘💓💖💓💕💕

I am genuinely upset about Andi! WTF is FSG doing? She's one of the best in the entire league! The pens online presense was top tier but with ITR gone last year, and now Andi, I don't have any idea what their plans are. Please let Jen be safe! I'm sure Andi will find a place. I'm not too worried for her. The Pens media department tho

I really wish her the best in whatever she does next. She was at the helm at the peak of the Pens' social media engagement and prominence, and while that fell off as she ascended the ladder and became a VP/further removed from the day-to-day posting, I think she did a ton of good work here.

I'll be very interested in how the department reconfigures in her absence. There seem to be a lot of power vacuums right now, with lots of people with long tenures at the Pens departing. Part of me hopes there's a chance for young blood; other teams have been doing more innovative, more curious, and more creative stuff in terms of their media. While losing legacy employees is a loss, I can only hope that there's an infusion of youthful, out-of-the-box thinking coming our team's way. It's the best we can hope for.

I think people using he/him for fake bean might mean it in the way they'd refer to a dog of unknown gender (i.e. "Look at him go!")

But using they/them myself I understand how annoying this can be lmao.

(That is a fair point! I am guilty of this too, so I definitely see where you are coming from!

It can a little frustrating, but it's not like the end of the world to me, and I'm kinda used to it bc pretty much all my sonas/characters are usually perceived as masculine unless they are very outwardly presenting in a feminine way (and even then it's 50/50 hdshdf)

But 99% of the time it is not malicious intent, so there's no need to worry about it too much

Tho that all being said, as a general reminder, please respect people's pronouns if you know them!)

.

The pretty heterophobia in his eyes 🥺🥺🥺

i love thinking about vera's relationship with her mother as more nuanced than just "her mom sucked and she had mommy issues and she hated her". not that she didn't suck, or was a good mother in any way but there's just something so personal about how this woman would view her eldest daughter,, in my mind countess rostova was very harsh on vera while she was growing up because she wanted her to achieve all the things she couldn't herself so badly, she expected perfection, but then vera grew up, and she was more than just a girl who reminded her of herself, she was a girl who reminder her of herself but did better, vera started to take over the role countess natalya had herself as a young woman and she hated that (which is fucked up, of course, being jealous of your own child) and she started to ignore her, belittle her, try to prove in any way that she was never going to surpass her. i think the reason she favored nikolai and natasha and petya over her was that they fit very well into the big rostov family picture, they were still recognized as her children and she was still the top of the pyramid, but vera grew into her own woman, vera distanced herself trying to repair all the damage that had been done by her, vera married a man who as far as we know had no titles and didn't come from any of the Big Russian Names™ like those of bolkonsky or bezukhov that the countess thought fit nicely into their picture. but still, an eldest daughter, a first child is always such a precious part of any mother. she was happy to be with the rest of her children, yes, loved them more even, i don't doubt it, but none of them were vera. the part that vera played in her life makes her irreplaceable, vera would manage to become who she could've been if she'd played her cards right, vera was the child that first made her a mother, a good or a horrible one, and she'll never not feel the absence of her in her life. and she can't really do anything about it unless vera decides she wants her to, and lets her try again, because vera may not ever fully heal from how she was treated by her own mother her entire childhood but she can grow from it, she can build her own life, she doesn't need to seek the forgiveness of anyone who wronged her so badly and it's not her job to understand her feelings. but countess natalya can't do that, and she would eventually realize that there are no pros to losing her first child, that what caused this was her own terrible treatment of vera, and no matter what you're like you never really get over knowing that the only thing you taught your child was how to stop needing you near them. and, of course, vera's choice would be understandable no matter what it was, maybe she'd want to reconcile with her mother some day, maybe she'd want to confront her, maybe she wouldn't want anything to do with her anymore, but only she has the power to choose that, the countess doesn't.

My drawing teacher gifted me her old watercolors and I feel. sighs

my grandmother is upset with me because I had to order food for lunch partially for a reason I won’t get into but. her expectation that the remaining bread has to last for several days isn’t inclusive of three people. and I would rather get yelled at for daring to have a sandwich with vegetables in it rather than jam, which I hate anyway, than getting yelled at for being a pig for eating the bread. anyway complaints about that aside she’s pissed at me and prepared food for me anyway. without asking. because she’s mad. and I feel like it’s a trap. whatever move I make is going to result in yelling and considering that I can’t win and every outcome I can see is going to result in me wanting to kill myself and her feeling vindicated because she thinks she’s the victim. I hate it here

the concept of doing something irrational and risky and wrong and keeping it to yourself is... strange, to me. none of you will believe me, but i don’t tell my real life friends much about my mental health nowadays. but in the past, and sometimes still now on my bad days, i like making jokes out of it. everything is a performance. so i don’t get it. i want to do bad things and then i want to tell people that i did it. 

but apparently that makes me. more mentally healthy. because i can admit it and analyze it. i don’t want to analyze it. i don’t want to sound like i have self awareness because that is a bad thing for me. other people need more awareness, i need less. i have abandonment issues not because of people leaving me, but because my own symptoms leave me as soon as i recognize them. like i’m all better. 

so i want to do mentally ill things. it’s not natural and i always have to overplay it. i say i’m not aware i’m doing things that i am very aware i am doing. i just. lie. all the time. because i need people to know. i don’t know what about this method is flawed. 

being 22 is so strange.

y'know. i don't often hate the way my brain is and how difficult it makes certain things for me.

i do a little today though.

ah-ah, barbie, you're so fine! ๋࣭ ⭑

special treatment : thighs edition

☾₊‧⁺...ft. : kamo choso + itadori yuuji + higuruma hiromi + ryomen sukuna

☾₊‧⁺...cw : pussy eating, facesitting, somnophilia, dirty talk, fingerfucking, overstimulation, praise kink, degradation, desperation, oral fixation, squirting, creampie, choso being whiny, yuuji being a little shit, yuuji is 21yrs & a college student, hiromi being pussydrunk, sukuna being whipped

✧ k. choso : poor choso, ever since the first time he's gotten a taste of what's between your thighs, he's begging you every day just to eat your cunt. but today? today must be a bad day, because choso is desperate. his already between your thighs, whimpering and whining as he mouths at you through your underwear, tears in his eyes as he begs you to give him a little taste. once you do, his eyes are rolling back just from the first lick.

"you taste so good, fuck, so good, thank you, thank you, mmph, so delicious, i can't get enough." "can you cum again? i know it's been 4 times already, but please? please, please, pleaase, pretty thing, i need itttt..." "oh my goddd, you're cumming? yes, yes, cum on my tongue, pretty please, i'll fuck you so good after, just keep cumming, don't hold back." "stop-stop running away, i know your pretty pussy is all sensitive b-but i just, i can't stop...but you know you can say the safeword and i'll stop, right? ...what? you-you like being overstimulated...? fuck, fuck, okay, let me make you squirt on my tongue then i'll fuck you good, okay?"

✧ i. yuuji : yuuji's always been a smug little shit whenever it came to teasing you. what starts off with him tickling you and blowing raspberries into your stomach turns nto hot kisses against your stomach that let down to the waistband of your underwear as he pushes your shirt up higher on your body. he can't help but grin up at you when he notices the wet spot on your panties from his little kisses.

"d'awww, bunny, y'so cute! look at how wet you are. is that 'cus of me? ehehe, i know, i know, teasing is mean, but i can't help it...you're just so adorable." "y'know i can practically feel your heartbeat whenever i kiss it? mhm, i can feel that, pretty girl. don't cover your face, baby, you're so cute!" "your thighs are so soft. i could stay between here forever, fuck goin' to classes or missions, i'd rather just eat you out until you pass out." "open up these legs a little more, let me get my fingers in there...thereeee we go, such a pretty lil' bun, aren't you?" "you're so messy! did i do this to you? yeah? aww, my pretty girl likes meee! i felt how you squeezed on my fingers! so cute!

✧ h. hiromi : ever since you made a comment about his nose, saying 'doja is right about big noses' in passing to him, hiromi has been curious. curious enough to the point where he looks it up, seeing the video of said woman. so, you wanted to sit on his face and grind on his nose, hm? you've never sat on his face before but he was sure to change that.

"i don't care if you think i'll die, i want you to sit on my face. i'm giving you the chance to either have control of your pace or let me do what i want with you. so, what's your decision?" "see? it's not that bad, angel, you forget your husband isn't some weakling...now c'mon on, get yourself right over my mouth, let me taste you." "god, you're so beautiful like this. i need you on my face more often, you're dripping all over my mouth...such a good girl for me." "heh...i knew you said my nose was perfect for sitting on but i didn't realize it would get you this riled up. go ahead, sweet thing, you can keep grinding that clit on it...just like that, just let me make you feel good." "good lord, i never wanna leave between your thighs. so fucking sweet, shit, angel, you've got me wrapped around that pretty finger. c'mon, let me devour you all night, i'll let you get up when i'm done."

✧ r. sukuna : getting sukuna to lay on his back without him instantly taking control of the situation was easier than you thought. hell, even crawling up higher so that you were hovering over his face was too. but little did you know, sukuna was intrigued, liking the side of you where you would just take control of him, knowing that only you had the right to do that...especially if it meant he got to eat you until you soaked his face.

"you know i should kill you for thinking you can just sit on my face like i'm some kind of personal chair. i am the king of curses, not a piece of furniture...what? ...hm. i guess you do look...good over me like this." "...huh? sorry, i wasn't listening. when are you going to sit on my face? you keep blabbering, but i can see the way that sticky cunt is dripping for me. are you gonna just let it go to waste?" "oh. shit. you've been holdin' out on me, haven't you, diamond? shit, i can see all of you from down here...nah, keep grinding on my face, little one, use me for your pleasure...let me see you cum on my mouth." "such a fucking slut. my mouth is coated in your cum, but you still wanna keep going? my tongue that good for you?" "no, no, i'm not letting you back down until you beg, diamond. tell me how badly you want me to fuck your pussy with my tongue...hm. good enough."

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Susan strikes again

I hate elaborating myself

I hate having to explain my feelings;

Why I'm feeling them;

Then why they're valid;

Then why Person should care about that;

Then why I don't deserve to have them disrespected and disconsiderated!

I hate that I always have to do that

And that I suck at articulating myself, so I can't tell any of these things from above and end up upset and angry and stressed and--

UGHHHHHHHHHH