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janetbrown711 · 5 months

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Why Am I Like This?

Mikey gets really bored one day and decides to play with Raph's shiny new toy, despite being told several times not to, and breaks it.

Raph does not take this well.

Ao3 Link

Mikey was bored.

And not just regular, every day bored, nonono. This boredom was the mind-numbing and annoying type– the type that left you paralyzed and unable to think of anything to do, but Mikey had to do something.

He could practice with his nunchucks, but ever since he was downgraded to foam instead of wood, it just felt like a joke. Sure, he liked whirling it around, but Master Splinter always said this was supposed to be for self-defense, not fun, so playing around was strictly forbidden.

He could just reread his comics again, but while Splinter had gone for a scavenge recently, he didn’t bring Mikey anything of interest, other than those finger skateboard things. He’d already played with that thing to death, so that was also a total “no-go”.

Now, he could try and hang out with Leo or Raph or Donnie, but Donnie was busy trying to find a way to recharge lightbulbs, Leo was watching the second season of Space Heroes for the bajillionth time, and Raph was doing one-on-one practice with Splinter, so that wasn’t happening.

Mikey groaned, flopping his head into his pillow for the billionth time. “If only Leo liked a different, cooler show,” he sighed dramatically, before sitting up.

On the topic of “different” and “cooler”, Raph had been given a super special super cool still-in-box action figure of Aspara-Gus from Fantastic Four Food Groups. Mikey would’ve totally claimed it for himself, but he hadn’t heard Splinter call for him until Leo knocked on his door. From what the box claimed, it was supposed to light up and say up to six catchphrases! Mikey had been sooooo jealous, but Raph said he couldn’t play with it.

Wait– no. What he specifically said was, “Mikey, if you touch my Aspara-Gus, I’ll turn you into a pulp.” Classic Raph.

But– like… it wasn’t like he’d know. He was busy training with Master Splinter! Plus, he heard Raph open it up earlier, so it was practically begging to be played with!

Mikey grinned, hopping off his bed and bolting to Raph’s room, before opening his door all ninja-like and finding the bright green action figure sitting right on his bed next to a broken red car toy that was missing two doors.

Mikey practically had stars in his eyes as he admired the nearly mint condition of the doll, with its see-through green sparkly plastic and smooth edges. He giggled with excitement before pressing the little green button on its side.

“Eat your vegetables, kids!”

Mikey’s face felt flat and he tried again.

“You’re no match for the power of vitamin K!”

“Man, why does Raph even like that stupid comic,” Mikey muttered and gave it one last try.

“It’s Aspara-Gus to the res–” the phrase was cut off by a sudden, ear-piercing shriek.

“ACK!” Mikey immediately covered his ears, before getting the idea to try and smother it with Raph’s pillow. That it didn’t work well enough, the sound still splitting his skull. Out of desperation and panic, he sat on top of the pillow, which finally muted it enough so the pain stopped.

“Whew, that’s a relief,” Mikey wiped off non-existent sweat from his forehead. The ten-year-old continued sitting on the pillow until the faint ringing finally stopped, and he got off, picking up the figure again and–

Uh oh.

Apparently, sitting on pillows over action figures could cause their arms to break off. Who knew?

“Well… at least the toy was busted anyway…?” Mikey laughed nervously. He knew that totally wasn't gonna be good enough for Raph, though, and he'd totally flip when he found out.

“Okay, well– maybe I can fix it! Yeah! I just gotta pop that bad boy back on; it’ll be good as new,” Mikey picked up the action figure and arm and tried reconnecting the broken pieces, but alas, it wasn’t a simple “pop off”. Instead, the hinge had cracked into two and without both pieces being together and stable, there was no point attempting to reattach it.

Shin splints, he was totally screwed.

“Yeah, yeah, be right there, Leo,” Mikey heard Raph call from not too far, causing him to panic and hide the evidence under his brother’s pillow before booking into his room where he caught his breath. Once that was all in control, he put on his coolest, most calm-est and collected-est face he could manage and walked super, duper casually to the pit and sat next to Leo, catching only a casual and cool glance at Raph.

“Oh hey, Mikey! Whatcha been up to,” His eldest brother smiled.

“Ohhh, you knowww,” Mikey tried to wave him off, fidgeting with his knee pads anxiously.

“Oh, well, I was just waiting for Raph to start the new episode of Space Heroes, since it's his favorite and all,” Leo gave him a weird glance before turning back to the TV. “It’s the one where the Dr. Mindstrong goes back to his home planet and meets up with his–”

Leo rambled on for a little bit, which Mikey usually liked listening to, but right now he was way too on edge. He just kept glancing back to the hallway to their bedrooms and waiting for his inevitable doom.

“–smiles! He actually does! But Raph just likes it for the fight scene at the end, I dunno. What do you think?” Leo asked Mikey, who quickly tried to act like he had been paying attention.

“My favorite episode is still the one where the dude grows a beard and the vampires,” Mikey decided to say.

Leo laughed. “That’s my favorite too.”

“What can I say? I have imbeccable taste,” Mikey grinned nice and wide.

“It’s impeccable, Mikey,” Leo laughed more, which Mikey joined in to cover the fact he said that by mistake.

However, the laughter couldn’t last long, as there was a ground-shaking slam and angry stomping into the living-area as Raphael–

Oh frick–

“MIKEY!!!” Raph shouted, face almost as red as his mask.

“Eep! Save me, Leo!” Mikey jumped and ducked behind his eldest brother.

“Wha–? Raph, what did Mikey do?” Leo looked around all confused.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what the little punk did,” Raph growled, only getting closer and closer. “He broke my brand new Aspara-Gus!!!”

Leo gasped, turning to his brother. “You– you didn’t actually…?”

“I-it was an accident, I swear! I-I was just–” Mikey tried to defend himself, but didn’t get a chance as Raph practically tackled him and the two started wrestling.

“It was brand new, Mikey! Right outta the box and I told you–I told you you weren’t allowed to touch it!” Raph shouted at him, despite being inches away.

“It was already broken, man! I-It made a high-pitched screechy noise– I was trying to fix it!” Mikey pleaded tearfully, trying to kick his brother off of him, landing a hit right in the plastron that winded him.

Mikey would’ve scuttled away, but Raph managed to grip his arm tight and twisted it until Mikey was on his knees begging for him to stop.

“I always tell you not to touch my stuff! And you always do! Are you deaf or just a stupid, dumb little idiot?!” Raph growled and twisted tighter.

“I’m sorry, okay?! I-I didn’t mean to–! I just–”

“GOD– you just always do this! You’re just– you’re just so stupid and annoying and useless– why do we even keep you around when all you do is break our stuff–”

“Yame!” the commanding voice of Master Splinter rang from the dojo, and Raph instantly let go of Mikey’s arm, though kicked his shell and he fell completely to the ground. “What is the meaning of this?!”

“Mikey broke the brand new Aspara-Gus action figure you got me! And I specifically told ‘im he couldn’t play with it!” Raph accused.

“Michelangelo, is this true?” Splinter looked at him, eyebrows all down and serious like.

“I-I– I didn't mean to–”

“He never listens to me or anyone, Master Splinter! I told him not to! He's such a screw-up!” Raph interrupted him.

“Raphael– a word,” Splinter narrowed his eyes on his elder brother.

“What?! Me?! But it was Mikey wh–!”

“No ‘but's. Now.” He ordered, and Raph stormed angrily back into the dojo.

However, Splinter wasn’t finished, and gave Mikey a look too.

“We will talk later, Michelangelo,” He sighed heavily and followed the steps of his furious child.

Mikey knew he was already crying, but he wanted to cry even more now.

“Mikey… why did you break his Aspara-Gus?” Leo asked.

“I didn't mean to! I-I don't wanna be a screw-up! I-I don't wanna be me!” Mikey shouted.

Leo winced. “Mikey, you aren't a screw-up.”

“Yeah, you just don't know how to listen,” Donnie piped up near his “lab”.

“Donnie,” Leo whisper-yelled and gave the purple turtle a look.

“What?! I'm just trying to–”

“Yeah, well, just let me–”

“You're always the one to–”

“Well, maybe if you were actually ni–”

Mikey couldn't stand all this fighting. He needed to get out here– and not to his room; Splinter or Leo would find him there, and they'd tell him he messed up, and blah blah blah he was a big stupid screw up– which he already knew! He just– he didn't need to hear it. He didn't need any of this–

If he wanted to get away unnoticed, he needed to go now.

Mikey glanced around, seeing Leo and Donnie still arguing, and no sign of Raph and Splinter leaving the dojo any time soon. And so, using all the super quiet super ninja skills he knew, he made his way to the water and lowered himself down until he was completely and silently submerged. Calmly and carefully, Mikey fought the urge to cry even underwater, and swam far, far, far, far away.

So far away, in fact, that when Mikey finally emerged for air, he realized he didn't have a clue where he was.

“This is fine, this is a-okay,” Mikey told himself, finally pulling himself out of the water and onto the cold concrete path. He rolled onto his shell, exhaustion suddenly hitting him all at once.

“This… This is super fine. I wanted air, and now I’m getting it,” He sniffled a little, a dull pain in his chest growing sharper.

Raph thinks he’s useless. And annoying. And a screw-up.

Mikey doesn’t mean to. He loves his brothers and dad! He doesn’t mean to always be so distracted or impulsive or whatever. He swore he tried. He tried so, so, so hard to be good.

But he wasn’t. Again, and again, and again, Mikey wasn’t good. He broke things. He went too far. He didn’t pay attention. He didn’t listen.

His brothers could do all those with ease, even Raph. That had to mean something, right?

Of course it did. It meant Michelangelo was bad. He wasn’t really trying his best to be good because if he were, then he’d be good already. It wasn’t hard for his brothers, but it was hard for Mikey because Mikey was bad.

The tears were quick to return as Mikey picked himself up and started walking further into unknown parts of the sewers. He didn’t care if he was getting lost, he deserved it. He was a bad kid, just like Raph said, and they’d be better off without him.

They’d be better off without him.

.o0o.

Raph was angry.

He sat on his knees in the dojo, filled with rage, hot and heavy in his face and chest. It made his breathing heavy and fists curl in his lap as his head just swirled and swirled and swirled until–

“Raphael. I understand Michelangelo made you very upset by breaking your toy, and I’m very sorry that happened, but calling your brother a ‘screw-up’ will not go back and fix things,” Splinter said as he kneeled right in front of him.

Raph’s fists tightened. “I-I– it was brand new, Master Splinter– We never get new things a-and I just– I was so excited,” he confessed, his voice wavering.

Splinter smiled sadly. “I know, my son, I know. I am sorry I cannot provide such things more often, and I’m sorry Michelangelo broke it. I’m sure he feels absolutely terrible about it.”

A lump formed in Raph’s throat as he kept his eyes low and focused on his father’s knees. “But– he just– he doesn’t stop, a-and– and it just– it makes me so mad…”

Splinter nodded slowly. “Your anger is understandable, my son. Nobody likes to have their things destroyed, but that is not an excuse to make your brother feel worthless.”

Raph sniffled. “I– I didn’t… I didn’t actually mean to– I just– I get so mad,” he whispered, tears beginning to stream down his face right before he felt Master Splinter take him into his arms and hold him close.

“I know you are not a mean boy, Raphael. You have a very good heart that gets blinded by very strong and powerful emotions,” Splinter assured, wiping some of his tears away.

“I just– I-I can’t fight it– it’s like I can’t stop myself, I just– I want to hurt him, I want to hurt him so bad,” Raph wept into his father’s sleeve.

“But you don’t now, do you?” Splinter asked.

Raph shook his head. “I don’ wan’ him to hate me…”

His father laughed a little. “Michelangelo doesn’t hate you– I don't even believe he can. You know, you two have much more in common than you think.”

“But I can hate him. I-I can hate him a lot– does that make me bad?” Raph sniffled again.

“You don’t actually hate him, Raphael. If you did, you would not feel remorse for your actions,” His father assured, rubbing soothing circles on Raph’s shell.

Raph didn’t know what to say, looking back at the ground and resting his head on his father’s shoulder.

“Anger is an emotion that occurs in all living creatures, even myself. You are not wrong for feeling upset that something precious to you was harmed, but there are more productive ways to problem-solve than breaking your brother’s arm,” Splinter chuckled a little.

“... Like what?” Raph ventured to ask.

“Well… there is always breathing and meditation–”

“But it’s so boringgggg,” Raph interrupted.

Splinter laughed. “I know it is hard, but allowing yourself to feel and understand your emotions can help you rid yourself of all this confusion in your young mind,” he stroked the top of Raph’s head for emphasis.

“I-I guess…” Raph looked at his hands.

“Or perhaps you can try going to your room to separate yourself from the situation until you feel more in control of yourself. You could do things like draw or read comics or even scream into a pillow until you feel all better,” Splinter then suggested, which didn’t sound too bad, all things considered.

“I guess I can try that,” Raph shrugged a little, smiling a little when he heard his dad sigh a bit in relief.

“You are a good son, Raphael...”

“Thank you, Master Splinter,” Raph said, still not quite looking at him.

“... Which is why I know that you’ll apologize to Michelangelo as soon as possible, no?” Splinter asked, and Raph tensed a bit.

“I– yeah… I should…” he bit his lip and Splinter hugged him a little tighter before setting him down.

“Good,” He smiled at Raph softly, which Raph managed to return before they both stood and went to the dojo doors, where Splinter opened to find Leo and Donnie arguing about something by themselves.

“Leonardo, Donatello– where is Michelangelo?” Splinter looked left and right as he stepped out in the living space.

Leo stopped arguing and looked around. “I– wasn’t he right here?” he asked Donnie.

“I thought so?” His purple brother shrugged.

The confusion made a knot tie in Raph’s stomach, especially when he saw how it made Splinter’s eyebrows grow close and wrinkly before he shook his head.

“Perhaps he has just gone to rest in his room. I’ll go check on him,” Splinter patted Raph’s head before speed walking to the bedrooms.

Raph could feel his brother’s eyes, the second Splinter was gone, which only made the knot tighten. “You got a problem?”

Donnie backed up. “Me? No. We just– umm…”

Leo wasn’t as much of a scaredy-cat, though, looking at Raph and asking, “Are you okay?”

Raph rolled his eyes. “M’fine, it was just a stupid toy.”

“Of your favorite comic book character,” Donnie pointed out.

“Yeah…” Raph kicked the ground a bit. “But I– I went too far, like always…”

Leo smiled a little. “I’m sure Mikey’ll forgive you.”

Raph stayed quiet.

Splinter came back in not too long, looking around frantically as his eyebrows just got more and more scrunched together with worry.

“Master Splinter?” Leo spoke up. “What’s wrong?”

“I–” Their father stopped himself, taking a deep breath. “Is there anywhere around the lair your brother could possibly be hiding?”

Leo, Donnie and Raph all looked at each other nervously.

Donnie was the first to suggest, “Maybe he’s in the bathroom?”

Splinter shook his head. “I’ve already checked there. Anywhere else?”

Leo bit his cheek. “Maybe under his bed?”

Their father shook his head again.

Donnie suddenly snapped his fingers. “He likes hiding in the kitchen cupboards sometimes!”

Splinter sighed heavily. “I’m afraid I have already checked there as well.”

The knot in Raph’s stomach tightened. “S-so he’s…?”

“I will go out to find him. You three stay here. I will be back soon,” Splinter decided, finally stepping down into the pit, where they hugged him tight.

“Is Mikey gonna be okay, Master Splinter?” Leo asked.

“Of course, my son,” Splinter assured, patting the eldest brother’s head, but Raph could tell he was lying by the tension in his hands.

The hug broke, and the turtles watched as Splinter went to the turnstiles, but stopped right before he would’ve disappeared into the endless tunnel systems.

“I will be back soon, my sons, do not worry. Stay safe,” He smiled at each of them (especially Raph) before he turned and disappeared into the darkness.

Leo and Donnie both hesitated, but sat back on the couch, meanwhile Raph couldn’t help but pace around the pit.

“Why would Mikey just run off like that? He’s never done that before,” Leo looked at Donnie.

“I don’t know, it’s really not like him. He's always been so afraid of the outside, it doesn't make sense,” Donnie shrugged, but Raph just rolled his eyes.

“You two have got to stop pretending this isn’t allmy fault,” He snipped, and both brother’s eyes turned to him.

Leo stood. “Raph–”

“Stop!!!” Raph shouted. “I hurt him! Because of a stupid toy! And called him useless and a screw-up a-and–” Raph internally cursed himself as he felt tears start to form in the corners of his eyes once more.

“Splinter will find him, Raph. It’ll be okay,” Leo smiled and tried placing a hand on his shoulder, but Raph brushed it off.

“I'm gonna go look for ‘im,” He announced, making his way to the water entrance.

“Raaaaaaph, Master Splinter said we need to stay here,” Donnie whined, looking around nervously.

Raph huffed and rolled his eyes. “Think of it this way: Master Splinter is going north, and I'm going south. One of us'll find him eventually.”

“You're leaving out east and west,” Donnie looked unconvinced.

“Whatever. If you two wanna do that, be my guest. I'm going out,” Raph went to jump, but Leo suddenly grabbed his arm.

“Raph, Splinter doesn't need us running away right now,” Leo pleaded, and Raph snagged his arm away.

“Stay here then, for all I care. We'll see who really finds Mikey,” He glared before diving in and swimming away.

.o0o.

Mikey was cold.

Of course, he usually was after swimming around and stuff, but there were also a lot more grates outside the lair than inside.

He wished he could reach them. That he could stick his fingers through and feel the fresh night– or catch a cigarette butt, more likely.

Then again, who needed to reach for cigarette butts when they could just fall on your head?

Mikey had dusted off five butts before he just decided to keep moving past the grates.

Probably the smartest thing he did all day.

Mikey sighed and hugged his arms. He had no idea where he was anymore, and there was still a voice in his head telling how stupid he was for getting himself lost, but he was just so tired of it. He already knew he was an idiot, no need for reminders.

Besides, it was his goal, right? He wanted to run away so he'd stop ruining everything for his brothers and Splinter.

He was a screw-up. This plan probably wouldn't work, and he'd get his dad worried to death about him because he was a stupid crybaby.

… He wished he could go back. He didn't actually want to run away. He missed his brothers– he missed his Papa– he was so, so cold.

The answer for the chilly temperature suddenly appeared when after Mikey rounded a corner, he saw a massive stormwater outlet that–

Woah…

A bitter, cold breeze stung through, but Mikey didn't care, approaching the view of the sparkling lights of the city off of… a river? The ocean? Whatever it was, it was a lot of water and Mikey was mesmerized. Trees were also visible, though most were missing their leaves since it was late November. Mikey didn't mind that, though, as it was still one of the prettiest things he had ever seen.

He didn't deserve such a pretty thing. He'd probably ruin it somehow. Maybe he'd blurt something out, and it would make all the animals scared or angry, and then they'd try to attack him. Or maybe a human would find him, and then he'd get experimented on, like in alien comics.

Mikey's head ached, and so despite his want to leave, he decided to sit there and rest awhile.

He got roughly five seconds of peace before his stomach growled painfully.

“Man, all that swimming really got me hungry, eh?” He joked to no one, hoping it would make it hurt less.

It didn't.

The ten-year-old closed his eyes, trying not to imagine how worried Splinter would be and the lecture he’d get for being all stupid and impulsive despite being told many, many times to just use his stupid head.

Another gust of cold wind blew by, causing Mikey to shudder. He wished he had a blanket or something with him, but then again it would’ve gotten totally soaked, and he would’ve ruined a perfectly nice blanket that Master Splinter worked so hard to get for them.

He would do just about anything in the world to swap brains with Donnie, or Leo, or even Raph.

His brothers were the coolest people in the world, even if they could be a bit mean. Leo was so nice and always picked up any moves Splinter taught the fastest. Donnie was super good at math and stuff and was always working on super sciencey stuff that had Mikey convinced he should win an award or something. And sure, Raph had his anger issues, but he could fight the best out of all four of them, and Mikey wished he could be half as cool as him.

But he wasn’t. He was just stupid, annoying, useless, little screw-up Mikey who couldn’t listen or sit still or focus or remember anything.

… He wasn’t surprised when he noticed himself crying.

He opened his eyes again, surprised to find a beetle crawling up one of the pipes of the outlet.

“Hi, Mr. Beetle. I’m Michelangelo,” he joked, holding out a finger that the bug didn’t climb onto.

“Ah, you don’t wanna be my friend? It’s okay, I wouldn’t be my friend either,” He smiled as he felt tears start to rush.

“S-see– I’m a big jerk. I break my brother’s toys, a-and I don’t sit still or stop makin’ annoying noises, even when they ask all nicely,” the ten-year-old wiped his eyes and sniffled. “Master Splinter says it isn’t my fault– b-but I know he’s just being nice. Raph’s right, I’m just a big screw-up and a jerk, too.”

The beetle twitched its wings a little, making Mikey laugh a little again.

“I’m probably annoying you right now, too. I bet you got a family nearby, and I’m keeping you away from ‘em. M’sorry, Mr. Beetle,” Mikey’s lower lip trembled as his stomach rumbled yet again.

“Say, you– uh… wouldn’t have some food on you, would you?” he joked, but the beetle flew away, causing the boy to break into sobs.

“M’so sorry, Raph,” he whispered to himself, hugging his knees to his chest. “I don’t mean to be bad. I just can’t stop. I know I’m a failure, I just– I wanna be good so bad, but I can’t, I just can’t.”

He let himself break into sobs as more wind rushed by, causing Mikey to instinctively curl tighter as he felt himself start to shut down into sleep– which was weird because it wouldn’t be bedtime for three more hours.

Maybe it was just all the crying like a baby he was doing. He was weak like that.

“M’sorry I don’t listen, Papa– I really wanted to, b-but I can’t– I’m not good like them. I know you tried– m’so, so sorry,” He sobbed further, fully leaning into the circle so he faced the bars.

The sky looked so pretty as snowflakes began to fall, making Mikey feel like he was almost in a snow globe.

Mikey took a long breath, feeling sleep slowly but surely overcome him as all he could focus on was the glittering skylights, his hunger, and how he already missed his family more than anything.

“I’ll go back soon, I just gotta–” Mikey yawned– “take a little nap first…”

Mikey yawned, curling tighter as with this rush of air he fell into a deep, deep, deep sleep.

.o0o.

Raph was getting nervous.

Looking for Mikey was harder than he had expected, but his guilt kept him moving on despite the ever-growing feeling he was starting to get lost…

“You owe Mikey to find him, Raph. Just keep moving,” He told himself just as bits and pieces of a sandwich that had been dropped fell on his head.

“Man, I hate being in the sewers alone,” Raph muttered, wiping the mayo-soaked lettuce bits and a tomato off his head while also avoiding stepping on a broken phone and what looked like a (thankfully) squashed cockroach. Of course, this was entirely his own fault, but this was a good thing; he was taking responsibility for his actions, just like Master Splinter always told him he should. And he was!

Sure, it was also against Splinter’s direct instructions not to leave their lair, but it was also following his instructions to apologize to Mikey as soon as possible! Yes, yes, truly the most flawless logic turtle-kind had ever known.

Raph was just glad Donnie wasn’t here to rub that in.

The boy walked for what felt like forever, when he noticed a sudden temperature drop that had him shuddering and rubbing his arms.

“Jeez– someone got an evil snow cone machine going wild?” He grumbled, referencing one of his comics.

As he got closer, he realized he could hear wind blowing fiercely from what had to be more than just the regular sewer grate. As he turned the corner, he could see that yep, it was a stormwater outlet and–

“MIKEY-!” Raph cried, rushing to his brother’s side, startled to find him asleep.

“Mikey?! Mikey, wake up! What’s wrong with you?” Raph asked, panicking more and more by the second.

“Ughhh… Raph?” Mikey mumbled, barely cracking an eye open.

“Why are you so tired? You hate bedtime!” Raph pointed out, before shaking his head. “Sorry, I’m not– Look, I came here to say–”

“M’tired… talk soon,” Mikey clicked his tongue weakly before his eyes closed again.

“What?! Mikey, you jerk wad! I was apologizing!” Raph growled and shook his brother, but it did nothing to wake him.

Alarms triggered in his head as he tried shaking his brother again, but nothing happened.

“M-Mikey…? Mikey, you’re okay, right?” Raph looked around for any signs of danger or trouble, but couldn’t find anything other than the picturesque night sky and snowfall.

“Woah…” Raph momentarily forgot his panic to admire it, since Master Splinter not only said they were super banned from going outside, but they were double banned from snow because they could accidentally trigger hibern–

Oh no.

“Shoot– Mikey! You know we’re not allowed to–” Raph kicked himself mentally as he realized he was already falling through on his promise. “Look– you’re gonna be okay, okay, Mikey? I just gotta– um…” Raph looked around for anything that would be remotely warm but was just met with moss covered walls, and was it just him or were there suddenly a lot more bugs around here than there were before?

However, he figured just getting his brother away from the drain would get him warmer, and so stood up and tried slinking Mikey on his back as much as possible.

“It’s okay Mikey, I’ll get you back safe and warm in the lair, I promise,” Raph bit his cheek as he struggled readjusting his brother on his shell before starting to walk off.

It certainly wasn’t easy though. While Raph was older and a little bigger, it wasn't enough to make this a breeze. Plus, Mikey wasn’t even trying to support himself since he was all tired and stuff. To make up for it, Raph had to take big, long steps that didn’t always mesh well with the algae, garbage and bug-covered sewers.

However, he promptly halted when he finally reached the remnants of that sandwich that got dropped on his head, which now had a humongous pile of cockroaches on it.

“Gross gross gross gross–” Raph gagged, taking a frantic step back and almost dropping Mikey in the process. He looked around nervously to see if there was some other way he could get to the lair, but that rapidly proved itself to be a waste, as more and more disgusting pests were gathering by the second, and no amount of will power summoned an alternate path.

“M-Master Splinter? Can you hear me?” Raph called, desperate to get out of here already.

He looked at the bugs again and took another instinctive step back. “D-Dad, I really, really hate bugs, I don’t wanna do this,” he felt tears threaten to fall, which just made him more angry at himself. He was trying to save Mikey from accidentally falling asleep for the next three months, he did not need to be acting like a baby!

“Okay, Raph, y-you got this– you can save Mikey, I believe in you,” He told himself, taking a careful and calculated step forward, and a wave of nausea hit that made him want to turn and puke.

But he couldn't! He was a turtle on a mission here! He couldn’t get sick on Mikey now– especially because the drain wasn't too far and that grate was channeling pretty strong winds– If Raph stayed for too long then he’d get all sleepy too and Master Splinter would be double disappointed.

“Alright, guess I’ll just…” Raph mentally prepared himself, stepping one foot at a time at a very slow pace– until the fourth step, where he definitely stepped on a bug, and he completely froze. His instincts were completely useless as he felt two more try to crawl on his leg, causing him to instantly book it as fast as he could.

“Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew–” He kept whispering to himself before he suddenly slipped on the mossy floor and he and Mikey fell into the sewer water.

He completely lost all contact with his brother as he fumbled around in the current, and it took a solid minute before he could get his head clear and broke for the surface.

“MIKEY!” He called, looking around for his brother, but not finding him.

He dove back underwater with urgency and found his little brother beginning to sink. With a grunt of determination, Raph swam with all his might to grab his arms and drag his still cold body to the surface.

“R-Raph?” Mikey croaked between coughs.

“MIKEY!” Raph hugged his brother tight. “Mikey, it’s okay! We’ll be back home soon, I promise,” he assured, and Mikey chuckled weakly.

“You really do care, you big sap,” His little brother smiled weakly.

“Shut up or I'll let you drown,” Raph tried acting tough again, but Mikey's exhaustion made him hard to threaten. “Whatever. Just wrap your arms around my neck, I’ll swim us both home,” Raph grunted, and Mikey thankfully did as he was told.

It took a frustratingly long time to get back to the lair– so long that Mikey had already fallen back asleep by the time Raph recognized his surroundings. It made him nervous, but Raph wasn't going to crack now that he was so close.

“Alright, Mikey, just under here real quick,” Raph glanced at the wall that mostly separated their lair from the sewer system before dunking his brother under and quickly pulling him up on the other side with minimal bonking.

“We made it, Mikey! C’mon– we gotta tell Leo and Donnie so we can–” Raph looked up and found Splinter standing right at the edge of the pool, with Leo and Donnie standing nervously behind him.

“H-hi dad,” Raph looked down at his murky reflection.

“Raphael, I specifically told you–” Splinter was about to reprimand, but his eyes landed on Mikey and worry immediately overrode his anger.

“Bring him over,” Splinter ordered Raph, and of course he obeyed. He watched as Splinter took his youngest brother in his arms and set him down on the couch, placing an ear on his chest.

“His heart is slow. Raphael, what happened? Was there a fight? Was he injured at all?” His father asked. Raph shook his head, getting out of the water and joining Leo and Donnie as spectators.

Splinter frowned, placing a hand on Mikey’s forehead and flinching. “Donatello, warm up a heat pack from your lab.”

“Hai, sensei,” Donnie said, and he was gone in a flash.

Leo looked at Donnie for only a moment before his eyes went right back to Mikey. “Is he gonna be okay, dad?”

Splinter nodded slowly. “He should be okay, he’s just a little cold, is all.”

“Oh! I can get him his blanket!” Leo immediately offered.

“Good idea, Leonardo,” Splinter approved, and before he knew it, Leo was gone too, leaving Raph alone with his dad.

Raph’s heart was pounding in his chest, as he was pretty sure Splinter knew just as well as he did this was all his fault, and he wondered what kind of grounding he’d get this time.

His anxiety certainly wasn’t helped when Splinter suddenly asked, “How did this happen, Raphael?”

Raph gulped. “I found ‘im by a stormwater drain, asleep. I think he was watching the snow or something and just kinda passed out, so...”

“I see,” his father replied, stroking Mikey’s head and taking off his soaked orange mask. “I should have known he would have gone to the water; he’s always been so afraid of subway cars,” he laughed a little sadly.

“It’s not your fault, dad, it’s–” Raph frowned as Leo ran in with the blanket.

“Found it, Master Splinter!” Leo called before handing it to their father all nice and folded.

“Thank you, Leonardo,” Splinter nodded in approval before unfolding it and draping it on the still-napping Mikey.

“Is there anything else I can do?” Leo asked in that eager way he always did.

“No, we do not want to overwhelm him or his body. We just want enough to wake him up at his own pace,” Splinter explained, and Leo nodded, taking a step back to join Raph.

A moment after that, Donnie emerged too with the practically steaming bag of dry rice, which Splinter thanked him too before placing it on his forehead.

“There. That should do it for now,” Splinter nodded to himself, stroking Mikey’s left arm a bit before finally allowing himself to sit on the couch next to him.

Nobody said anything for a while, most everyone’s eyes focused on Mikey except Raph, who kept watching his father. He was waiting to receive his scolding for running away and almost getting Mikey knocked out for months. However, the more he stared, the more it seemed like it wasn't going to happen, and after a couple minutes, Raph couldn’t take it anymore.

“Master Splinter, I’m real sorry I ran away, but I knew it was all my fault– I mean, you know how much I hurt him and his arm– so it was totally my fault! I had to make it right, and I knew that if I didn’t find him, you would, so I figured it really wouldn’t hurt! Plus, you told me I needed to apologize to him as soon as possible, so technically I wasn’t really disobeying you– but I know I really was, and–”

“Raphael,” Splinter cut off his rambles with a soft look. “I am not mad at you. If anything, I am relieved you found him because if it were not for you, I do not think his condition would be fixed so easily.”

“You don’t… know that, though,” Raph kicked the ground.

Donnie raised an eyebrow. “Of course he knows that. Hibernation takes several hours to fully take hold in a turtle, and if Master Splinter had spent all night looking for Mikey he would have certainly been too late and Mikey would spend the next several months practically asleep.”

“Donnie!” Leo punched his arm.

“What? It’s just science!” Donnie defended his rather blunt word choice.

“It’s alright, Leonardo, Donatello is correct,” Their father assured, looking again at Raph. “What you did was very risky, and not something I want to become a habit… but you did very well, Raphael.”

“Not really, Master Splinter. When we ran into a ton of cockroaches, I totally freaked out and dropped Mikey into the water,” Raph confessed and Donnie laughed a little, getting him a quick glare that shut him right up.

“Ahh, but don’t you see? When faced between your fears or bringing your brother to safety, you chose very bravely,” Splinter placed a hand on Raph’s shoulder.

“Thank you, sensei,” Raph bowed and Splinter chuckled and stroked the top of his head a little.

Right then there was a little cough, followed by a groan, followed by a– “Raph? Papa? What’s goin’ on?” from Mikey.

“You are back home, my son,” Splinter quickly turned his attention to his youngest, holding his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired n’ warm,” Mikey yawned.

Splinter smiled a little. “Of course. It is rather late, after all, so the four of you should go to bed.”

“Aww man, but I just slept a bunch,” Mikey whined.

“You need to gather your strength, my son. Do not worry, I will carry you to bed this one time,” Splinter teased Mikey a little since he was always asking to be carried. It seemed to work since Mikey immediately stopped protesting, and he was whisked away.

“You had Master Splinter really worried, you know,” Leo spoke up.

Raph rolled his eyes. “You heard him, I did something right for once.”

“You know what I mean, Raph. If you wanted to find him yourself, you should’ve at least tried to tell him before you left,” Leo crossed his arms.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. If you ever get lost in the sewers, I won’t come looking for you,” Raph pushed Leo away and headed to his room, hearing Leo sigh dramatically and choosing to ignore it as the door slammed closed behind him.

His broken action figure was still on his bed, but instead of angering Raph, it just made him feel… disappointed. Sure, it was partly due to the fact he had been so excited about it just earlier today, but now it was more like he was disappointed how angry he’d gotten. It was just some cheap plastic with a broken voice box, after all. It wasn’t worth making Mikey run away and almost freeze himself into hibernation.

Besides, he’d definitely still play with it. Sure, he would now be missing an arm, but most everyone’s toys were broken in some capacity, so maybe now the other toys wouldn’t get jealous. Not that toys could get jealous, but– whatever. Raph was exhausted.

And so, Raph set his newly broken Aspara-Gus up on the shelf, alongside his much older broken red car, and flopped onto his bed to try and think about sleep.

.o0o.

Mikey was as snug as a bug in a rug after his father tucked him nice and tight into his bed, making him feel like the specialist and also the stupidest kid in the whole world.

“Papa… I’m sorry I ran away. I wasn’t thinkin’, which I know I do a lot,” he looked away as Splinter checked his temperature with a thermometer.

“Don’t worry, Michelangelo, I am just grateful you are alright,” Splinter smiled kinda sadly.

“Still… I didn’t wanna scare you, I just– I always mess up, a-and I really don’t mean to! I try to stop, I really do, Papa, but I just can’t,” Mikey confessed, face red with shame.

The thermometer beeped, but Splinter didn’t even look at it before setting it aside and removing the heat pack from his forehead.

“You are a good son and brother, Michelangelo. Your weaknesses do not erasure your kind smile or your cuddly disposition or your humor. We are all very grateful you are a part of this family, and everyone– including Raphael– missed you terribly in your absence,” Splinter stroked Mikey’s cheek with his thumb.

“I know, but I still break things and don’t listen and stuff, which is still bad of me,” Mikey looked away.

“But that does not make you bad, Michelangelo,” Splinter said with certainty. “Everyone in this sewer has flaws– even myself.”

“Even you?” Mikey gawked.

Splinter chuckled and nodded. “I am not always the most rational mind and can be swift to punishment, but that does not mean I am cruel and unjust. It just means I have something to be aware of and work on.”

“Oooh… cool,” Mikey smiled a little at the thought of him and his papa having something in common.

Splinter laughed more. “It is getting late, my son. Be sure to rest up.”

The rat was going to go, but Mikey grabbed his hand. “Do you have to goooooooooo?” He asked, putting on his best puppy dog eyes.

Splinter hummed happily and kissed his son’s head. “Maybe tomorrow night. I suspect someone else will want to talk to you tonight.”

“Who?” Mikey tilted his head.

“You’ll see,” Splinter patted his shoulder before turning out his light, causing Mikey’s glow-in-the-dark stars to shine. “Sweet dreams, Michelangelo.”

“G’night Papa!” Mikey gave a wide grin before Splinter nodded and closed the door.

Man, Mikey really was tired. But also not. He certainly wasn’t as tired as he’d felt by the stormwater drain, but all that swimming and walking and being all toasty definitely was doing a number on him.

However, before he could decide if he wanted to fall asleep or not, there was a knock at his door.

“Uh… come in?” Mikey said, unsure of who it could be, and startled when he saw it was Raph.

“Hi…” His older brother looked at the ground before he stepped in and closed the door behind him.

There was an awkward moment whether neither brother really knew what to say or how to say it. Instead, they both just looked around Mikey's disaster of a room, avoiding eye contact.

After a bit of this, Raph decided to break the silence with a, “I’m sorry I made you run away, Mikey. And for calling you a screw-up, and useless, and a punk, and a stupid, dumb idiot.”

Mikey laughed a little. “It’s okay, Raph. I already know I am.”

“No! You’re not useless! I said that just because I was mad,” Raph sat on Mikey’s bed urgently. “You’re like– the funniest brother and you give good hugs, which is nice when you want ‘em. That's totally useful!”

Mikey looked away. “You don’t gotta say that to me, Raph. I know I’m the weakest and the least patient and most distracted or whatever, I just gotta deal with it.”

“You know I’d save you if you ran away again, right? And that I– I don’t mean to always hurt you, right?” Raph asked, nervously picking at his nails.

“Aww, you big softie,” Mikey teased a little, and Raph rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah– I’m apologizing here, so do you wanna accept it or not?” He scoffed.

“I’m sorry I broke your toy, Raph. It started making this really loud noise and I panicked,” Mikey explained himself first.

Raph scoffed a bit. “Figures something had to be wrong with it… but still, I shouldn’t have hurt you like that.”

“I shouldn’t’ve broken your toy and run away, so I accept your apology,” Mikey gave his brother a crooked smile. “You accept mine?”

Raph laughed a little. “Yeah, you big baby,” he punched his brother’s arm a little, making Mikey laugh.

“Thanks for saving my life too, by the way. I could kinda hear you and I know it was pretty scary, so… yeah, thanks. You aren’t as angry as you think you are,” Mikey placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

Raph seemed a little shook by this, but he eventually just chuckled and shook his head. “Wasn’t a hard decision. Without you, this place is a total dump.”

“Still. Thanks,” Mikey tried to get through his thick skull.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Raph tried to keep playing it off, shaking Mikey’s arm off of him. Raph started to go, but Mikey grabbed his hand on impulse.

“Uh… yeah?” Raph looked at him confused, and Mikey cursed himself a bit.

“Sorry–! I just– um…” Mikey let go and started fidgeting with his blanket. “I was just wondering if you’d wanna– you know… sleepover?”

His elder brother paused, clearly debating it, making Mikey instantly feel bad.

“You don’t have to, though! It was a stupid idea, I mean– we aren’t five anymore, so you can say n–”

“Sure, why not?” Raph shrugged all nonchalantly, and Mikey felt relief flood his body.

“Cool!” Mikey beamed, scooting aside to make room for his older brother, whom he immediately cuddled against the moment he was settled.

“Jeez, Mikey– you ever heard of personal space?” Raph quipped, but Mikey knew he didn’t mean it. If he had, he would’ve pushed him away or moved off the bed.

But nope, Raph stayed right next to Mikey for the entire night, and Mikey wouldn’t have had it any other way.

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt raphael #tmnt 2012 splinter #2012 michelangelo #2012 raphael #tmnt splinter #my fics #damn there are so many ways to tag this fjdksalf;jads #family fluff #mikey angst #good parent splinter #raph has anger issues but tries his best and is a good brother dammit #mikey is a goober who messes up and that's okay #uhhhhhhhhh #yeah lol enjoy :P

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