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prongsno · 6 years

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It’s the Unmistakable (1/2)

Lily finds that being stuck in a bathroom at a party isn't always a bad thing. Read on AO3, 6581 words

There’s someone puking when Lily runs into the toilets. She’s desperately trying not to cry, her hands are shaking as she kicks open one of the stalls. The toilet lid is already down, and she wills herself not to think about what’s most likely underneath the seat as she plops onto it and rests her head in her hands.

The doors open again, supposedly a friend of the girl whose face is currently in one of the sinks. There’s a rather sympathetic sigh, followed shortly by a ‘ oh Miranda ’. A retch, giggles, the sound of them taking a selfie and then there’s the scuffle of high heels against the marble flooring.

The two of them leave, the doors open and the deafening sound of the bass, mixed with drunken screams and shouts, set Lily’s teeth on edge. The doors close and there’s silence once more, apart from the heavy buzz of the broken air conditioning and the dull echo of the party from behind the toilet’s thin walls.

Lily hates crying. But she can’t help it at a time like this, all she wants is to get out of this hell-hole.

She picks out her phone from her bag and calls her number one on speed dial, but it’s not Mary MacDonald who answers.

“Mary’s phone. James speaking.”

“You’re not Mary,” is the first thing Lily says with a sniffle. She lifts her legs to her chest, leans back against the wall and closes her eyes.

“Nope, thank God. She’s currently um… er, occupied - shall we say - with my flatmate. Did you need her?”

Lily hiccups and that seems to release an avalanche of emotions all at once. She lets out a laugh, and after five seconds there are tears running down her cheeks.

“Wait are you - are you crying?” The poor stranger named James sounds very shocked and concerned.

She breaks off some toilet paper and blows her nose. “No.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

She can hear the smile in his voice, the soft like honey kind of tone that makes you feel all warm, happy and fuzzy inside. She even smiles herself, forgetting her huge mess even if it’s only for a few seconds. His voice is the nicest voice she’s heard all day.

He shuffles, maybe moves the phone closer to his ear because there’s a rustling sound, and when he breathes out it sounds like he’s right next to her.

She can’t help the little goosebumps that appear on her arms, the shiver that goes up her spine and the little butterflies that annoyingly flutter about all the way from her toes to her fingertips.

“Are you okay?”

What an odd question, especially after the night she’s had. She’s about to answer, the words and what on earth she’s going to say still jumbling about in her head, when he curses and speaks again.

“I’m sorry, that was really-” Another curse word, then silence. “Of course you’re not.” He lets out a sigh. “Er, Mary and Sirius have been gone for - God knows how long. But if you just give me a sec I’ll hand you over right now to her. I’ll bloody break down Sirius’ door if I have to.”

That’s what he seems to do, a few minutes later. There’s a knock, then his voice shouting ‘I’m coming in’ before a door kicks open. A shriek, two shrieks. Three shrieks, James screaming about ‘INDECENCY’ and ‘YOU DIDN’T EVEN LOCK THE DOOR’ and, lastly, ‘I’M LITERALLY A DOOR AWAY AND YOU’RE DOING THAT ’.

“Is that my phone?” Lily hears Mary ask, after the whole commotion has died down. Mary’s still laughing slightly as she takes the phone.

“It said ‘Flower’ as the caller ID.” James says. His voice rings out, still soft, still special and getting under her skin. “She’s crying.” She can’t help but smile at the tone of his voice, it’s remarkable how soothing it is listening to him.

“Lils, are you okay? What happened?”

At the sound of her friend’s voice, Lily can’t help but start crying again. “Er, can you - can you come and pick me up? Please.”

“Of course- ”

“Martin and I broke up.”

She’s seeing stars, her head hurts and her tongue is burning in her throat. She closes her eyes again and tries to count calmly to ten.

“Oh Lily, I’m sorry… but were you two even going out properly?”

“Well we definitely aren’t now, I saw him making out with Stacey.”

“He didn’t-”

“Yeah and so I mean - he was the one who brought me to this damned party and I thought he really liked me-”

“God, what a dick-”

“And I was kind of spying on them and twisted my ankle and fell into the pool-”

She feels so… stupid , crying about it. But it was really embarrassing and the entire party witnessed her humiliating ordeal. All she wants right now is her best friend.

“Say no more,” Mary says, slamming her free hand onto what must be a table because there’s a big SMACK sound. “We’re coming, right now - okay?”

“I’ll get a spare jacket-” There’s a scrape of a chair, someone running and a door closing with a bang.

Lily sniffs again and pulls at more tissue, now dabbing at her eyes and nose. “We?”

Mary lets out a shaky breath, and Lily can almost see the little hand-movement her best friend does when she’s nervous, twisting a lock of hair around her fingers and biting on her bottom lip.

“I’m so sorry Lils... but I’m at Sirius’s, and he only has that motorbike. James is the only one with a car right now-”

“Oh,” She blows her nose and dabs at her eyes again.

Mascara drips onto the tissue and, from what she can gather by squinting at the small reflection of herself in the toilet dispenser, she has mascara-coloured tear streaks running all down her face. “They don’t mind coming?”

“On the contrary, Lily- ” Sirius’s voice shouts down the phone. “ James and I would love to give that Martin guy a piece of our mind.”

“He’s already left.”

“Then we’ll happily hunt him down and-” Sirius begins.

“Or - we’ll be so quiet you won’t even notice we’re there,” James cuts in. The butterflies are back. “We’ll give you and Mary time to talk and we won’t be in your way - at all.”

His entire being is like sunshine; sunshine that breaks out from the clouds just after it’s been dull and rainy. The sky gets that little bit brighter, you feel your heart being uplifted and you want to just stare and wait for the sun to come back because it feels like home.

“I don’t mind at all-”

“Lily,” Mary says. There’s a symphony of car doors slamming together in unison, the rustle of engine and then the crackle of the radio tuning in. “We’re in the car, okay? I’ll stay on the whole time and let you know when we’re there.”

“Okay,”

“It’s like a twenty minute drive, but James says he doesn’t mind getting a speeding ticket. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes, ish.”

“Good, because I really need to get out of these clothes. I stink of wee.”

There’s a few seconds pause, and then Mary whispers, as politely as she can. “You have urine on you?”

Lily regrets it instantly. “It’s not mine!”

“Oh my God - Lily, that doesn’t make it sound any better.” Mary lets out a sigh , then laughs.

“Don’t laugh-”

“I’m sorry, Lils but that’s both hilarious and gross. Is it okay if I give James your address too? Or do you want to come back with us.”

All she can think about is getting away. But, for some reason, James’s voice echoes back into her mind. The softness, the homely, happy feeling. “I really don’t want to be alone right now. Can you ask if it’s okay if I-”

Lily can hear the smile in Mary’s voice. “James says you’re most welcome to stay. And that he was going to kick Sirius and I out if we left you alone.”

The door opens, and the roar of the party sinks into the room. There’s small footsteps, and the door shuts.

“Lily?” Mary calls out a little hesitantly.

She attempts to kick at her door, but her legs are too short and so she ends up falling off the toilet, smashing onto the floor on her bottom and practically inhaling a dirty piece of used tissue.

“Here,” she grumbles, waving her hand under the half open door. She doesn’t even have the energy to stand right now.

“James and Sirius are outside,” Mary says with a small sigh as she helps Lily stand to her feet. “Can you manage?”

“If I walk really, really slowly.”

Mary’s slightly smaller than her, but manages to wrap her arms around Lily’s shoulders and assists her to the mirror.

“I look horrific.” Lily says with a grimace, patting her cheeks in horror when she sees her reflection.

“You look like you’ve had fifty shots, Lils.” For a second Mary looks like one of those teachers who have just marked your homework and have that disappointed look on their face. Then her expression softens, the hand on her hip falls and she just looks heartbroken at the state of her best friend.

“Come here.” Mary pulls Lily onto the side cabinet, hoisting her up and shuffles in between her legs. She grabs tissues and wets them slightly under the hot tap before grabbing Lily’s face with her spare hand.

“You’re really pretty Mary,”

“I know. Now be still.”

“That kinda hurts, y’know.”

Mary’s scrunches up her face in concentration. “Do you want to look like a panda? Hold still, I’m almost done.”

Two minutes later Lily wobbles out of the toilets, hanging onto Mary like a monkey. Sirius is waiting outside, leaning on the wall all modelesque in his timberland boots and double denim attire. He looks up, gives Lily a once over and then grins.

“Will you be alright to the car?” he asks.

“Crystal clear,” she says with a nod. “But I’m just going to-” She leans onto the wall, kicks off her shoes and then, sighing happily, mutters out “that’s better”.

Sirius lets out a laugh, and wafts the air around him slightly with his hand. “Evans,” he says with a grin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite so drunk.”

“Neither have I,” Mary says with a slight roll of her eyes. “You just had to go and get absolutely wasted at the party I wasn’t going to, didn’t you?”

Lily’s too busy nodding to notice when they finally set off walking, but she soon realises when she’s tripping over Mary’s feet and tumbling to the floor like jelly.

“I mean - who has their party at an event hall? We’re not in high school anymore!”

Mary and Sirius try their hardest not to laugh, but when Lily starts snorting the three of them are a giddy mess. It takes an awful amount of effort before they eventually exit the front door and walk down the entrance gardens.

She can hear the car before she sees it; the roar of a very, very old engine and Don’t Worry Baby by The Beach Boys practically oozing out of old, worn speakers.

She’s lost in the music of the song, her mind fuzzy and heavy. She hears the sound of car doors opening, a hand on her shoulder guiding her into the car, the fastening of seat belts, car doors closing.

“We ready to go?” asks the voice of someone.

A soft voice. Kind, sweet and delicate, like honey she has on toast in the mornings. She’s heard it before, she’s sure of it. She can’t remember where, but it’s a nice voice.

It’s his voice. Despite the fuzziness in her eyes, she turns straight to it like a moth to a flame. Like trying to find light in a room of darkness. But then she sees it. He’s staring at her from the rear-view mirror.

Bright hazel eyes glance her way, hair that sticks up like candy floss gone wrong, like a cloud that’s turned inside out. It’s wild - and yet it’s so, so unequivocally him . It’s him, it’s what makes him him . And Lily wouldn’t have it any other way.

He gives her a small smile and then the car sets off.

“Do you want some water?” Mary asks, she reaches over to turn down Lily’s window and is already passing her a bottle of water before even getting an answer.

The water’s gone in half a second. “I’m never drinking again,” she says after glugging it down.

“Not without me, anyhow.” Sirius laughs, turning slightly from his seat in the front to give her a wink. Then he gives her a salute and tosses her a small bundle that falls into her lap.

“Crackers,” Mary says, helping her unfold the beeswax wraps (that Sirius was most adamant about buying, claiming that if he wanted to save the world he might as well start somewhere) to produce three delicious Jacob’s crackers.

Once the crackers are finished, and now she’s got a bit of food and non alcoholic drink in her system, the events of the night slowly begin to sink in.

“I’m never dating again,” her voice is barely a whisper, face covered with her fingers as she tries to hide from view.

Mary lets out a scoff. “Not everyone is like that jerk. You never know, maybe the right one was in front of you all along.”

A generic saying, full of cliche.

And yet, as she reaches out her hand to itch the top of her head, her eyes stray forward.

Those hazel eyes meet hers once more, and James must have not expected it to happen in the least, because his beautiful, bright eyes widen, his luscious cheeks redden and he mutters out a swear word as he swerves the car, running through a red light.

“Nice one, mate.”

She can still see his red cheeks from the mirror, the way his jaw clenches as he gives Sirius a glare. “Shut up, I didn’t even notice it. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Who am I? Your driving instructor?”

“The backseat driver.”

“Very funny.”

She must have dozed off at some point, no doubt drooling on Mary’s shoulder, because someone starts shaking her shoulder, calling out her name. She wakes instantly, eyes opening to find James’s face directly in front of her.

“Crap, sorry.” He pulls back, left hand shooting up to mess with his hair. “You’re a really deep sleeper.”

He’s got a jacket in his right hand, and he awkwardly shoves it towards her. When she takes it, mumbling a timid and sleepy thank you, his hands goes straight into his jean pockets and he looks incredibly unsure of what on earth he’s supposed to do now.

He rocks up and down on his toes for a second before speaking. “Mary’s just gone to get you some clothes,” he says, jerking his hand to the set of small but smart looking apartments in front of them. “She’s been here so much lately she’s practically moved in.”

“She’s really happy with Sirius.”

Her seat belt is already unbuckled, so she swings her legs and wobbles out of the car as smoothly as she can. James has to reach out and balance her, hands holding onto her elbows like she’s a grandma and he’s her walking stick (which, to be honest, she wouldn’t mind him being).

“I’m fine,” she says, refusing to meet his eyes.

All he does is smile as he locks the car, and then they walk side by side towards the flat. His keys jingle in his hand and when he opens the door they find Mary and Sirius acting very suspicious near the front door.

Sirius’s neck is tinged pink, and Mary shoves his hand away from hers.

Their backs straighten and Mary pulls an arm behind her back. She’s speaking in an instant, like she’s been practicing the line for years.

“I don’t have anything you could wear for bed, Lils,” she says, looking incredibly sad. “Sorry. Maybe, um, James has something? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

At this, Sirius and Mary turn instantaneously to James. “Right, James?”

“Uh, I probably do?” He says with a slight shrug as he kicks off his shoes, the scruffiest pair of converse she’s ever seen.

“Oh,” Lily clears her throat, and puts down her shoes right next to his. They’re a little crooked, not straight enough, so she bends down to straighten them properly. “It’s okay,” she says to the linen carpeted floor.

“No it’s okay. It’s fine. I think I have something,” she hears him say, he’s already speeding off through one of the doors down the hallway.

When he’s gone Lily lets out a huff and gives Mary a glare. “I can just sleep in this,” she hisses, and tries to stand up, but in the end tumbles back to the floor and has to pull herself up with the help of the wall and shoe rack.

Mary tuts as she watches, and folds her arms against her chest. “Didn’t you say you got urine all over you?” she asks rather smugly, giving Lily a glare that is eagerly returned.

Sirius watches them both with a grin and, after a few seconds, places his hands on Mary’s shoulders and whispers something in her ear. There’s a hint of a grin on her face, that disappears almost as quickly as it comes. She shoots Sirius a nod and he places the softest of kisses on her hand before dropping it.

“We can put your clothes in the wash, Lils.” Sirius raises his voice, just as James emerges from his room with an old football shirt.

“This is the only thing I could find,” he says with a blush, passing it to her with shaky hands. “Sorry.”

The shirt is soft in her hands and there’s a sweet, clean and fresh scent of lemons and peony blossom that swirls around the air, making her dizzy.

“That’s your lucky number,” Sirius raises an eyebrow, eyes drawn in amazement and shock at the number seven on the red and gold shirt.

“It wasn’t that lucky,” James makes a shrug.

“You got scouted-”

James lets out a wild laugh, and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “That was just luck-” He gives Sirius a glare, a ‘ shut up and stop talking or so help me ’ glare.

“Didn’t you just say there wasn’t any luck?” Sirius grins, giving his now deeply blushing friend a little wink.

“Shut up,” James says with a scowl.

And, just like that, an awkward silence fills the air. Lily can’t look up, because every time she does her eyes are drawn to James like they’re both magnets and he’s pulling her in.

Mary drums her fingers against the wall and bounces on her tiptoes for a few moments. “Tea?”

Everyone murmurs out a hasty ‘yes’ and Mary pushes Lily towards the bathroom.

“I love you and all,” she says as she pushes, “but you stink like a rat’s arse right now.”

James clears his throat, his cough sounding an awful lot like a laugh. “I’ll just go and pop the kettle on.”

“And I’ll just go and,” Sirius points towards the kitchen, twirls his fingers around in the air and scrunches up his lips. “And, uh, clean some cups.”

He runs out of the room and shuts the kitchen door behind him with a click.

“Do I really stink that much?” Lily’s face is still hot, and she places her hands on her cheeks and bangs her head against the wall once then another two times.

James thinks she smells like a rat’s arse, isn’t that great?

All Mary does is watch, looking very amused and happy with herself from the opposite side of the wall. “You know,” she says with a drawl, pretending to suddenly look at her nails in fascination, “this all could have happened weeks ago.”

“What?”

Mary grins and points towards the kitchen. “You know, James Potter staring at you with loving eyes. You getting butterflies from his dashing smile.” She even has the cheek to flutter her eyes, bringing one hand to fan at her face whilst the other rests against her heart.

“There are no butterflies. And definitely no lovey eyes.”

Mary’s smile is so wide, it looks like her face is going to erupt. “You are such a bad liar, you do know that right?” She laughs and opens the door to the bathroom, turns on the light and leans against the wall.

“There’s clean towels in the cupboard, and you can use my stuff if you want.” Then, she lowers her voice to a whisper. “And, just so you know, remember that time I said Sirius had a friend who was obsessed with Doctor Who?”

“Yeah?”

Mary stares at her, rolls her eyes and then makes an exaggerated circle in the air and shoves her arms towards the closed kitchen door.

“Wait - that was James?” Lily blinks.

“Yes . You moron.”

“But you said he was a nerd-”

“He knows morse code ,” Mary says. “Fluently, might I add. He learnt it for fun. ”

“No, I distinctly remember you saying that if he were cake he would be the victoria sponge because you said, and I quote, he had the sweetness of strawberries but not enough tart and cream. What the hell does that even mean?”

“I stand by that-”

Lily lets out a groan. “What did you expect me to say? I thought you were trying to pair me up with a greasy, pokemon collecting nerd who thinks he’s a vampire.”

“But I knew victoria sponge is your favourite,” Mary gasps, appalled. “I also said he did as many sports as he has fingers.” As she says this she thrusts her two hands in Lily’s face, wiggling her fingers frantically. “I said he was nerd, a sports nerd who knows all the lines of Doctor Who. I also said you two would really hit it off. I said that he would be good for you.”

“I thought you were joking.”

Mary throws her hands in the air. “Why would I do that? You were both too darn stubborn to ever meet. Sirius and I have been trying to get you both to meet for freaking ages. Idiots, the pair of you.”

There’s a ginger cat sat in front of the bathroom door once she’s finished. She opens the door and then boom, there it is, staring at her with these giant eyes, its tail swishing about on the carpet and watching her like a hawk.

Her hair is dripping wet, so she’s draped one of Mary’s towels around her shoulders to try and catch some of the droplets. All she’s wearing is James’s flipping football shirt, he’s so tall that the shirt finishes around her mid-thigh and she desperately tries to not make her mind wander. You know - when was the last time he wore it? How long for? What he did after wearing it, or before?

The cat cocks its head slightly to the side and swishes its tail once more, slowly. It’s like it knows exactly what she’s thinking.

“Hello?” she says. “And who might you be?”

The cat looks at her, and then lets out a meow.

Instantly there’s the sound of a chair scraping in the kitchen, frantic footsteps and the door banging open to reveal James holding what looks a cat’s bowl in his hands.

The cat stands up at once, trots up to him and begins purring and twirling around his legs. James crouches down to tickle the cat between its ears, and then must realise he can still hear the sound of the bathroom fan churning away, because he glances sideways towards her and jumps.

“Um,” he stares at her for a quick second and then reverts back to the cat who’s impatiently pushing its head under his left hand. “Sorry, I - uh - didn’t realise you were... finished.”

The cat bumps its head against his hand, clearly perturbed by the lack of attention it’s suddenly getting. James clears his throat, coughs and cracks his knuckles before petting the cat again.

“Thanks for the shirt,” she can’t think of anything else to say, and she is thankful (in more ways than he can surely imagine), so she just gives him a smile as she turns off the light and shuts the door.

Damn this awkwardness; he must think she’s some crazy, weird drunk who can’t make normal conversation. She’s actually quite charismatic - just, for some reason her tongue is tied and she can’t think straight for the life of her.

“Oh - no problem.” James stands and picks up the cat, cradling it in his arms like a baby. It doesn’t look happy in the slightest, but sits grumpily and content as James gives it a kiss on the head.

“This is Algernon,” James says once Lily decides to bite the bullet, takes a step forward and gives the cat in his arms a little pet.

“He’s adorable,” she says as she gives him another tickle, right behind the ears and under his chin. Algernon purrs loudly and closes his eyes - clearly enjoying the pampering session. “How old is he?” she asks, and then makes the mistake of turning her head and looking up at James.

Their eyes meet, and she didn’t realise they were this close; so close they’re almost shoulder to shoulder.

James gives her a small smile as he answers, “He’s almost five now. His birthday is on Bonfire Night.”

She can hear him swallow, and can hear the little intake of breath he takes as he clears his throat. He’s everywhere but it’s not a claustrophobic kind of feeling, it’s more overwhelming and exhilarating. Happy.

She can feel goosebumps creeping up her arms, and lets her gaze fall back to Algernon. She gives him another tickle. “Nice, he gets a party every year huh?”

“Most of the time he’s hidden under my or Sirius’s bed because he hates all the fireworks,” he laughs. “But he gets special birthday food which he greatly enjoys.”

Algernon decides he’s had enough now, he jerks a bit and drops to the floor gracefully. The six foot odd fall doesn’t seem to shock him at all, he runs towards the kitchen door and sits there for a moment before opening it by swatting his paw at the door madly until it pushes open.

“Are you having tea or what?” Comes the questioning voice of Mary MacDonald through the crack of the kitchen door.

James lets out a laugh and he follows after Algernon without delay, but all Lily can do is stare after him, perplexed.

Her day hasn’t exactly been the greatest, and meeting this strange and alluring James has only made everything even more confusing. Lily can feel the little wheels in her mind, turning and frantically moving to try and figure everything out.

James seems to have a hold of her already, somehow.

There’s a storm going on outside. The wind rattles against the windows, the trees sway violently, looking skeletal lit up by the dim street lights.

The walls of the flat are thin, so every crash of thunder sounds like what Lily imagines Gordon Ramsay does when he sees raw food being served. It’s loud, the floor and walls seem to shake and Algernon clearly doesn’t seem to like it either. The poor cat’s tail shoots up at the next batch of lightning and rumbling thunder and lets out a wild yowl before scattering off, no doubt to hide underneath Sirius’s bed which seems to be the best hiding place in the flat (much to Sirius’s annoyance).

The four of them, still sat at the table, still holding onto their now cold and empty mugs of nothingness, don’t say anything for a while until Sirius stands up from his chair (Mary follows his every move, not even trying to hide the fact that she takes a good, long and hard stare at her boyfriend’s bottom, which Lily supposes is quite nice, if she has to admit it) and picks up the remote from the coffee table.

“How about that rematch, Mary?” he asks, giving the girl in a question a teasing smirk as he flips the remote in his hand. “I bet you a hundred quid that I beat you this time.”

Mary lets out a laugh as she swings her legs off her chair. “Do you even have a hundred quid, Sirius?” she asks.

The boy in questions shrugs. “Maybe?” he grins as he turns on the Xbox One and takes out a pristine looking Soulcalibur V.

“Mary’s the unbeatable champion at that,” Lily says, pointing at the disk. She remembers the endless rematches all too well, Mary was merciless and violent at that game and became quite the formidable challenger.

“He knows,” Mary smiles. “It was a bit of a shock, right?”

“I was only being a gentleman.”

“She completely floored you, mate.” James laughs, he scrapes back his chair and starts loading the dirty crockery into the dishwasher. Lily slides a glance over to him and, when she realises his bottom is in the air, perfectly rounded, grabbable and hench, she chokes and moves her gaze back to the TV as quickly and as casually as she can manage.

Sirius has already spotted her and gives her a knowing look, wiggling his eyebrows and grinning at her maniacally. It’s only when he realises that the game has already started, and that Mary is already ripping him a new one, that he stops.

He lets out a gasp and starts frantically pressing buttons. “I thought you loved me!”

“Raphael loves no one!” Mary shoots up to her feet, gazing at the screen in so much intent that her tongue sticks out and she swerves her body this way and that as she punches, stabs, strangles and punctures Sirius.

Sirius is a fumbling mess, cusses and swears fly out every single time he’s hit (which is a lot) and every now and then he lets out a frustrated groan and throws back his head.

It’s not really surprising when Mary wins all three battles.

“My swordplay is peerless!” she says, mimicking her character without a second delay. Sirius groans in defeat, all the while muttering out “Kinky,” and “That’s what she said.”

“Lily?” he asks after five seconds of silence. He raises his head, and leans over onto Mary’s shoulder to shoot Lily an inquisitive glance. “Are you up for a battle?”

“I think I’m worse than you,”

“Ouch. Do you need some ointment for that burn, Sirius?”

She’s almost forgotten that James is there, radiating and oozing out sexiness and all things lush and wonderful, teasing and tantalising her with everything and anything that he does. She lets out a little jump when he speaks, and turns her head slightly to see what he’s doing.

He’s leaning on the counter, holding what has to be his fourth mug of steaming, hot tea in his hands.

“Har bloody har.” Comes Sirius’s deadpan voice.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she exclaims, cheeks flushed as James gives her a wink.

“Well,” Sirius says as he clears his throat and holds out the controller for her. “Shall we put you to the test?”

“I told you,” Lily says five minutes later, when Sirius is shocked and elated to see he has finally won a battle.

“You weren’t wrong,” Sirius tells her, falling back onto the sofa in surprise. “You really are terrible.”

“I wasn’t expecting to you be so shockingly bad,” James adds with a nod. “Here I thought you’d be some secret and talented gaming champion.”

“Lily’s talents lie elsewhere,” Mary says, nose deep in her phone and scrolling through Instagram. “I think we can add shockingly bad at Soulcalibur to the list, though. That was definitely an achievement.”

James grins, and runs a hand through his hair, spiking up the edges and ruffling the soft little curls. “Shall we see what’s on TV?”

There’s hardly any space for the four of them on the small, cat hair covered sofa, but somehow they manage. Lily eventually finds herself squished in the middle by a James and Mary sandwich, which isn’t too bad since it means she can accidentally touch James and pretty much get away with it.

Their elbows knock, arms touch and legs bump on more than one occasion, and each time they touch (even it’s just a little, tiny thing) she gets excited, and jumpy butterflies that make her stomach do somersault after somersault are in every crevice of her entire being.

Algernon eventually comes running into the room, and makes himself comfortable on James’s lap. It’s not long before the cat is snoring away, and the room slowly falls silent.

The TV is playing a marathon of Friends episodes, and the only inclination that the four of them are awake is the slow motion of Sirius’s hand softly running through Mary’s hair, Mary snuggling closer to Sirius, and James’s slight rotation of his feet and wiggle of his toes.

The thunderstorm finally passes over, and all that remains is a gentle pattering of rain against the windows. Lily actually feels safe, comfortable, happy.

She sneaks a quick glance at James, whose arm has gradually dropped throughout the hour and is now dangling dangerously close to her own. His eyes are tiredly blinking as he stares, transfixed, at the TV screen and his other hand, that is so close to hers she could just reach out and hold it, is absently stroking Algernon’s head.

He must feel her gaze, because he moves his head to look at her and gives her a tired, sweet smile.

“You okay?” he asks, already half asleep. His words are soft and hazy, full of drowsiness and soft, sweet breaths. She looks at him, and can feel her heart erupting inside of her chest.

“Yeah,” she says, and rests her head onto his shoulder. He lets out a happy kind of sigh, and there’s no mistaking the small movement of his head so he’s resting against her too.

It’s difficult not to smile, it’s so hard. And so she smiles the biggest smile her small mouth can manage, her cheeks positively ache but who the heck cares? Cloud nine isn’t high enough - she feels like she’s on cloud infinity , right here with him.

“I’m okay.”

And for once, she’s not lying.

She falls asleep with her head next to his, to the sound of Phoebe singing Smelly Cat, accompanied by the slight rainfall from outdoors. She can’t wait to wake up, for a new day to begin because she finally feels like she belongs.

Here, next to him.

She dreams of kisses, and candy canes and, for some strange reason, the world’s highest slide that is so tall it reaches up into the skies, to the very gates of Heaven.

But then she wakes up, groggy and bleary eyed and has to yawn for two minutes straight before she can think clearly and sit up.

She remembers last night, all the bad things but the good too. James’s face can’t escape her mind, and so she turns, wanting to see a sleepy James who’s painted golden from the morning sun.

But he’s gone, and all that’s left is his blanket that he covered their legs with when they said it was getting cold. The blanket’s now around her shoulders, and she brushes it off her and places it neatly onto the empty space where James should be.

Mary’s up and making coffee. She’s yawning endlessly as she hums out a tune and turns around to say morning.

“Where’s…” Lily holds her breath. It’s not possible that she dreamed up James - is it? He was perfect, exactly what her mind would create just to torment her into thinking he was real. She itches her nose and scratches her head, and tries to not sound too obvious. “Where’s uh, everyone?” she asks finally.

“Sirius is showering. And everyone else has, I think, gone to work.”

“Oh.”

Some toast pops up, and Mary shuffles towards the plate cabinet slowly. She’s wearing slippers that are far too big for her, they look like boats on her small size four feet, and, based from the image of a sausage dog that’s wearing sunglasses and the words ‘HOT DOG’ underneath, Lily assumes they’re Sirius’s.

“Apparently you two were snuggling like two lovebirds when his boss rang him up. He was supposed to start at nine and it was, like, twenty past.”

“Oh.”

“I think he really likes you, Lils.”

“Yeah?”

Mary gives her that look, and passes her a plate with buttered toast and a cup of coffee. “Of course he does Lily, come on.”

“He’s just left! Without even saying anything, or like leaving a message. He’s basically just done the walk of shame, sneaking out of the flat regretting everything.”

“Leaving for work is a little different-”

“I thought we had a, God - I don’t know,” Lily sighs, staring miserably at her toast before giving it a big bite. “A connection. I could feel something-”

“Like a kind of hot, pleasant feeling down in your-”

“No.” She picks up the closest thing to her, a fork, and throws it at Mary. “But he just felt - felt different. I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Lils. I really am. But I also don’t think you have a reason to be worried. I mean, James isn’t that kind of guy. He’s probably counting down the hours until he can see you again.” Then Mary lets out a gasp and clicks her fingers. “He’s exactly the kind of guy who’s probably written you some soppy love letter with his number on it. I bet you a toffee crisp.”

The two girls stare at each other for a long moment, and then jump up and run out of the kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asks, giving them both an amused stare. He’s just sorting out the post, and chucks a few of the useless pamphlets into the paper bin before standing up.

“We’re checking to see if James left Lily a love note before leaving for work,” Mary says with a giggle.

“One hundred percent. I can guarantee it.” Sirius gives Lily a wink. “He put it right…” He looks around the small hallway, and scratches his head. “Oh crap.”

“You’ve lost it?!” Mary gasps, appalled.

“Well, Mary my dear, define lost-”

“You can’t find it.” Mary says sharply, and crosses her arms against her chest.

“I never actually saw where he put it. I just know he did it. Because he gave me this love struck smile and wouldn’t stop crooning on about eyes as fresh as pickles and something about your hair,” he gives Lily a half shrug, and scratches his hair as he thinks deeply.

“So you’ve lost it.”

This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be fate. Waking up next to each other and starting the first day of their whole lives together. Not this. Not a maybe love letter, and a maybe phone number, and the absence of James.

She didn’t want mess. She was tired of mess.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, simple as that.

#jily #jily fic #jily fanfic #padfootdidit #snapslikethis #gxldentrio #lilyevane #prongsmydeer #fetchalgernon #meraudurs #idk who else to tag kfjdkjgdjgsld #im sorry it suCKS #jily:fic #my fic #took me like 5000 years omg

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kwonhozhi · 6 years

Text

Let’s Pretend We’re Doing Great

me: turns up 10 months late with starbucks

dedicated to ria and melina, but most of all dedicated to rhiannon x

word count: 5000

AO3 | playlist

part i | part ii

7:45

“Hurry up or I’m doing yours,” calls James, and Sirius glares down from his perch on the step ladder.

“Tell me again exactly why it is that I’m up here hanging the banners for your party and not you?”

“Because you loooove me,” James sings. Sirius gives him a kick but they both know the kick means of course I do. Sirius smacks the banner to make sure it’ll stay up (it won’t) and climbs back down. Remus, Peter and Evans are standing in a huddle by the fold out drinks table, and as they approach Evans whispers something to Peter and he glances over his shoulder as he giggles.

“Notice you’re doing fuck all,” Sirius says to Remus as the huddle expands to let him and James in.

“Noticed correctly,” Remus says as he accepts a shot glass from Evans and balances it on the rims of two glasses.

“Evans,” James says loudly, and she looks up at him sweetly, “you’ve only poured four shots.”

“Remus only gave me four glasses,” she says.

James rounds on him. “You’re not eighteen yet. It would be irresponsible.” Then he knocks the row of shots into the glasses and they all grab for a drink. Sirius watches James, the loser, take the bottle from beside Evans, unscrew the cap, and pour Jägermeister all over Remus’ shoes. Remus puts his empty glass on the table, looks at his feet, and starts laughing.

Sirius doesn’t know if he’s angry or not.

“These aren’t my shoes,” Remus says, bouncing up onto the balls of his feet. The action produces an uncomfortable wet sound, and yeah. Sirius is angry. He doesn’t really remember doing it but suddenly James’ hair is wet and dripping and Sirius is holding an empty can of Red Bull.

Evans checks her watch. “You have nine minutes to shower and change.”

James nods and takes an unopened bottle of tequila and Evans’ hand, and leads them both upstairs.

“I still need new shoes,” Remus says. “And to sabotage all the banners to get rid of James’ name.”

Peter appears with a mop, even though Sirius hadn’t seen him disappear. “Sirius get shoes, Remus, you can sabotage two banners. I’ll put on This Is The Day and clean this up. Okay?”

Remus is already slipping out of the ruined shoes – Sirius’ ruined shoes – so Sirius climbs the stairs two at a time (this is the day) and takes the long way to his bedroom (your life will surely change) to avoid the downstairs bathroom.

9:02

James is ignoring him.

Okay, he and James are ignoring each other, but James is always the one who apologises even when it’s Sirius’ fault they started fighting and it’s been over an hour and Sirius hates this party.

Okay, take a breath. It’s only been an hour. James’ hair is still damp from the shower. He’s going to wait until it’s dry, then he’s going to be mad James hasn’t apologised yet.

He goes upstairs just so James will have to come looking for him.

“Beautiful boy,” Euphemia calls from the library, and Sirius ducks his head as he enters. He takes a spot on the carpet at her feet and she runs her hands through his hair. “Why are you hiding?”

“’M not,” he says.

“Okay,” she says, but it sounds more like liar, “why are you not-hiding, then?”

“I was coming to make sure it wasn’t too loud for you.”

“How sweet of you,” Fleamont says from the doorway, carrying a silver tray with two glasses and a bottle of scotch on it.

“Our sons,” Euphemia says, stretching out a hand for one of the glasses, “are fighting.”

“Hey!”

Fleamont chuckles as he lowers himself into a reading chair.

“I never said we were fighting,” Sirius mutters.

“You didn’t need to,” Euphemia says. “Aai knows.”

“We’re fine up here, Sirius,” Fleamont says. “Listen, barely a sound. Now, I know you have a refined palate, so take this and go back to the party.”

Sirius takes the bottle of scotch, and kisses them both on the cheek before he leaves. He thinks about going to his room and sulking. He settles on sulking on the steps down to the den instead.

“Steal that from Baba?” James asks, as he sits down next to him.

“No.”

James gives him a look.

“He gave it to me.”

“Okay.”

They sit in silence for a minute, or they sit in Hold the Line for a minute, while Sirius watches a couple of the guys from the cricket team play beer pong and James watches Sirius. Finally, Sirius says, “Want some?” and James takes the bottle, and their fingers brush and Sirius can’t stay mad at him. “Sorry for pouring Red Bull on you.”

James takes a measured sip. It looks like he’s trying to suppress a cough, so Sirius pats him on the back. “Sorry for ruining your shoes,” he chokes.

Sirius smiles. “Don’t worry about it.”

9:40

“Excuse you, it is the original.”

“So? You want to tell me that the best version of Mad World is by Tears for Fears while you’re at it?” James shouts, and Evans shrinks back.

“I’m with her on this one,” Sirius says, going to stand next to her.

“How dare you forsake Olivia Newton-Jesus like this. You’re never allowed to watch Grease with me again,” James says.

“Don’t say anything you don’t mean,” Sirius says, voice low, arms crossed. He hopes that Evans is taking the opportunity he’s giving her, but he doesn’t want to look to check and draw James’ focus away from their argument. “You know I take ONJ very seriously.”

James looks pained. “But John Denver?”

“He gave us this song. You have to respect that.”

He says, “Fine,” and turns to give Evans the go-ahead, but she’s already by the stereo and flipping him off while Mr Denver tells them about the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah River.

Sirius says, “Sucks to suck.”

10:00

Euphemia and Fleamont come downstairs at ten on the dot, carrying a cake each, and Sirius and Peter spring forward to help, clearing off a section of the drinks table in a matter of seconds. Sirius pulls his lighter out of his pocket and starts lighting candles before Euphemia even gets the cake down, and when they’re all lit, he tosses it to Peter.

He sings so loudly he thinks he’s going to choke on his own voice, and he lets Fleamont basically force-feed him a too-large slice of cake, and he watches Euphemia and James waltz around the room to Little Things Mean a Lot with a growing pit of jealousy in his stomach, though he doesn’t know which one he’s jealous of. He steps in and dances with Moony, partly so his hands have something to do, partly because Moony looks extremely awkward just standing there, watching. Maybe it’s the sugar from the cake, maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe he’s just restless.

Euphemia drives herself and James towards them, and in a clever motion somehow swaps James for Remus. James squeezes his hand and takes the lead, and Sirius is grateful, because his heart has just skipped a beat and he doesn’t know why.

Kitty Kallen makes way for a One Direction song and Sirius drops James’ hand. Too fast (I just want to take you), too conspicuous (any way that you like), if James’ expression is anything to go by. “Loo,” he says, and walks away before he can blush any deeper.

10:31

He drops in between Peter and James on the low sofa, though he doesn’t really intend on joining in their conversation.

“Why would you say that?” James asks. He leans back and closes his eyes, and he smells a bit like weed, though Sirius knows neither of them have money for weed.

“Because it’s true.”

James scoffs. “Yeah, okay.”

“Artie Faller and Dan Tawdry are going to kick off on Monday after school over it, guaranteed.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” James yawns.

“Open your eyes, then,” Peter says, taking a sip of his cider.

“Open your mind,” James shoots back.

“No, literally. Open your eyes.”

James sits forward, annoyed, but he follows Peter’s finger, and his jaw goes slack. Sirius looks too, and what they’re looking at appears to be one of the boys from the cricket team eating the face of one of the girls Sirius thinks is on the girls’ football team.

“Worlds collide,” James whispers.

“Hogwarts Romeo and Juliet,” Peter says smugly. “Cricket team’s the Capulets.”

James pauses on his way sliding down to lay his head in Sirius’ lap. “Hey! Not all of the cricket team hates all of the football team.”

“Cricket team and football team get along factoid statistical error,” Peter says, and James rolls his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up,” James says. “Oh, Siri! When did you get here?”

Sirius looks down at him, pauses in stroking his hair. “Just now,” he lies.

“Well, you missed Tawdry and Tully Faller snogging.”

“They’re literally still going,” says Peter.

James looks annoyed. “Fuck off, Peter.”

“Yeah,” Sirius says, “fuck off, Peter.”

10:45

“Come on, let us give you a fringe,” Marlene whines, and Sirius dodges out of her reach.

“You’ll look like Joey Ramone,” Evans says, grabbing at his sleeve, because the party is dead enough that the two of them have retreated into the den loo.

Sirius gently removes her hand. “Evans, I would not let you near me with scissors sober let alone blind drunk.”

She hiccups. “I’m not blind,” she says, but she bumps into Marlene as she turns around so Sirius isn’t exactly inclined to change his mind. In a few seconds she’s completely forgotten him and calls to Benjy from the rugby team because his hair is looking really scruffy around your ears me and Marls’ll fix it step into our office and Sirius watches the boy as he’s forced down onto the closed toilet lid.

Sirius turns around just in time to watch Remus scream and launch himself across the room to turn the stereo up. He’s taken off his replacement shoes so it’s barefoot that he dances across the carpet to take Sirius’ hands.

“I would go out tonight,” he sings, “but I haven’t got a stitch—”

“To wear,” Sirius grins, allowing himself to be spun. He spins right into James, and Peter dips him, and he watches Benjy from the rugby team make a run for it when Lily and Marlene start singing at each other. Frank has a girl from their sociology class on his back and someone puts the song on again because even the cricket team is dancing and laughing and Peter decides to pour drinks.

“Come on!” James laughs, bending down for Sirius to climb onto his back. They spin in a circle, and Sirius is definitely going to throw up if they keep going but he laughs anyway and he loves James he loves James he loves Jameshelovesjame

Peter excuses himself to go to the loo, but Evans and Marlene have already reinstalled themselves in it, and Evans gives Marlene an extremely devious look that Sirius wants no part of.

“Peter, we think you would look absolutely fab,” Marlene starts.

“Fabbity fab,” Evans agrees.

“…with a mullet.”

“What,” Peter says, but Marlene has already cut a chunk of his hair off.

James wraps his arms around Sirius’ shoulders, and Sirius shivers. “Baba and Aai are going to bed, do we need anything before they check out?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Move!” Peter shouts, and Evans and Marlene leap back as he slides off the loo and opens the lid seconds before he starts vomiting. Marlene looks back at them with a bemused look on her face, but Evans just shrugs and continues cutting Pete’s hair. James releases Sirius and walks over to close the loo door. He wrinkles his nose as he smiles back at Sirius.

“Who’s ready!” Frank shouts, and makes a show of pressing play on James’ old laptop. Sirius shrugs at James, and takes his hands to drag him into the middle of the room to dance.

They’ve had a routine to this song since they were twelve, but that fucking film came out last year and yeah okay maybe Sirius looks a little like Ezra Miller and now when they break it out everyone thinks they’re doing that, so they just sway, but Sirius can see James going through their steps in his mind. “Spin,” James mutters to himself, “dip.”

Sirius just smiles, and rests his head on James’ shoulder.

11:13

“You guys wanna go up to James’ room?” Frank asks.

“And do what?” Remus asks, twisting around in James’ arms to look up at him.

Frank just pumps his eyebrows, and James snorts, burrowing his face into the crook of Remus’ neck. They barely fit on the loveseat just the two of them, even with Remus half in James’ lap, but Frank tries to drape himself over it anyway.

“Fuck off, Frank,” Remus says.

“This is James and Remus cuddle time, not James, Remus and Frank cuddle time,” James says.

Frank starts muttering to himself as he rolls off onto the floor, but Sirius watches him bounce to his feet and fall into step with Marlene with a slick, “Hey.”

He looks down at the laptop screen, and pulls up the queue. With a quick glance over at the loveseat he scrolls down and discretely removes one two three four five six seven songs by The Kinks.

11:20

“Sirius I’m Serious!” James says, and his voice is honest-to-god shaking. “It’s my party and you won’t let me listen to my music and – and…” he trails off as his voice breaks and he swallows a sob.

“You cannot play an entire Kinks album,” Sirius says calmly. “Everyone will hate you.”

“But I love her!”

Sirius blinks. “Her?”

“Them,” James corrects. “I love them. They speak to my soul.” He’s not looking at Sirius anymore. He’s looking somewhere behind Sirius, but Sirius doesn’t care to turn around and find out who what has grabbed his attention.

He pretends that Peter’s doing something interesting, and walks away without a word. Peter is rarely doing anything interesting, but Sirius needs a drink and Peter seems to be mixing drinks, so that’s interesting enough.

“What’s cookin’, mediocre lookin’?”

“Wet pussy,” Peter says, without looking up.

“Yeah, I’ll get in on that action,” Sirius says, picking up an empty shot glass.

Peter shakes the shaker, and pours them each a shot.

“James trying to play Kinks?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Peter pauses to take his shot, and Sirius follows suit (hint of Jäger), “don’t worry. I’ve put something in the queue just for you.” He winks clumsily, and pours another set of shots.

A moment passes between them, and then Sirius says, “Peter, genuine question. Are you actually fucked in the head?”

“What? It’s Gasol—”

“No, it is not,” Sirius hisses. “Don’t you ever say that.”

“It’s the best remix,” Peter says, folding his arms. Defiant.

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Chill and take another shot,” Peter says. “Remus is already walking over to skip it.”

(Remus is sprinting over to skip it.)

Sirius takes a deep breath, and rolls his shoulders. “You’re right.”

Peter looks righteously surprised. “I am?”

Sirius nods. “I fancy a smoke.”

“I fancy joining you.”

“Excellent,” Sirius says. Peter goes out into the little courtyard attached to the den first, and Sirius stands in the doorway. “Do you still have my lighter?”

Peter pulls the Bic out of his pocket and waves it around.

“Good, you can use it to keep you warm.” He steps back in and slams the door, making a show of locking it. Peter pounds on the glass half-heartedly for a few seconds and flips Sirius off, but it’s no use, so he just lays down.

“No one,” Sirius announces loudly, “is allowed to let Pettigrew back in until I say so.”

11:36

James is sitting with Evans on the low sofa when Sirius tries to walk past to the stereo to lock the laptop so Frank and Marlene can’t keep trying to put Gangnam Style on. He tries to walk past but James reaches out and pulls him down next to them. He already has an arm around Evans, and he throws his other around Sirius to keep him from leaving.

It’s a good tactic; Sirius wants nothing more than to leave.

“My two greatest loves,” James sighs, giving them a squeeze. Sirius is so close to him that he feels when James’ phone buzzes in his pocket. Both he and Evans read over James’ shoulder: ratatouille boy: hey im hungry. bring skips x

James nods to himself, and kisses them each on the forehead. He gets up, and wanders off to find Remus. Sirius darts a look at Evans, but she’s looking at her hands. The space between them is too small and too large all at once.

“I – I want you to know,” she says softly, and it doesn’t feel like she’s trying to be quiet. It just feels like the quietness is a coincidence. “I’m not angry with you. I don’t want you to feel like I’m angry with you.”

“I know you’re not,” he says, though he doesn’t, and he’s still not sure what she’s not angry about.

“I just really don’t want you to think that I have a problem with the way you love James.” This is quiet, quiet on purpose, quiet enough that Sirius can ignore it if he wants. “I don’t.”

“Don’t what?” James asks.

To her credit, Evans doesn’t act surprised that he’s suddenly back between them like he’d never left. “Don’t want to go to Spoons after the movie on Wednesday.”

“That’s ridiculous,” James scoffs. “Of course we’re going to Spoons. We always go to Spoons.”

Sirius is still looking at Evans over James’ shoulder. He wants her to know that what she’s said, where she’s said it – it feels like a betrayal. But he has a Black’s face and those aren’t really equipped to convey subtle emotion, so she doesn’t get it. She just gives him a soft look. Gangnam Style is playing.

He kind of hates her.

12:00

“Pete wants to know if he can come back in yet.”

“Tell Peter if he wanted to remain inside he should have thought of that before he played a hideous remix of the greatest song of all time.”

Frank shrugs. “Can I at least take him a beer?”

Sirius considers. “Yeah, go on.”

Marlene slings an arm around his shoulders as he watches Frank go. “Seems unusually charitable of you.”

Sirius pats her hand. “Peter hates beer.” He turns around and touches her uneven bangs. “Done with the barbershop?”

Marlene sighs, a big dramatic affair that involves her entire body and the act of slumping almost to the floor.

“Spit it out.”

Marlene removes her hand from where it’s draped delicately across her forehead and gives him a look. “Potter stole my business partner.”

“Stole her where? This is not a large room.” This is not a small house.

“I don’t know, Black. If I knew, then I would go steal her back.”

Sirius frowns, and Marlene pulls a flask out from somewhere. She offers him a swig, and he decides he doesn’t care that it came from her somewhere.

“Like,” she says, “I would die for Lily Evans, but her and Potter? Jesus Fucking Kardashian.”

“I feel ya,” Sirius says, handing the flask back. It disappears back into somewhere. “Do you want to go look upstairs? We’re allowed to. I live here.”

“Nah. I mean, sounded like James wanted to fuck. Neither of us need to walk in on that.”

All of a sudden, Sirius is very done with this topic of conversation. “I’m going to go check on Lupin,” he says, and turns his back on her. Why is this hitting a nerve, Sirius? Why do you care if James is going to

He doesn’t care to finish the thought.

Remus is draped over the loveseat, and he doesn’t react when Sirius pokes his cheek, so Sirius climbs over him to sit on the seatback. “Lupin,” Sirius sighs. No response. “I feel like I’m going crazy. James is off with Evans and I just…I just hate it, I hate it and I don’t know why I hate it because I love James and I…like…Evans and I love James and…” He sighs again. “I love James. Remus, I think I love James like, for real love him. Or maybe I don’t. I don’t know. Like, would I shag him? Yes, obviously. He’s James, and he looks like that. It’s like, I can’t imagine my life without him. What if he and Evans get married?” He buries his face in his hands. “When I think about getting married, it only makes sense to marry James. How can I get married to him if he’s already married to her?” He takes a deep, shaking breath. “And I can absolutely never tell him any of this, because he’ll think I’m creepy, or he’ll say it’s fine but really it’s not fine and it never will be fine because I’m that arse who fell in love with his best friend and made everything complicated and everyone knows that only works out for straight people and even then that’s not a guarantee. Oh my god, why have I done this?”

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Remus mumbles, and Sirius just about jumps out of his skin.

“You’re awake?” he hisses.

“Yes, I’m awake,” Remus says, propping himself up on his elbow, “you woke me up with your crisis.”

“I need…to…uhhh…leave…”

“Alright,” Remus says. “Want me to pretend I was too drunk to remember this conversation tomorrow?”

“Yes please.”

Remus lowers himself back down and says, “You’re literally the stupidest person I know.”

12:25

“Everyone who’s already eighteen, back the fuck off!” James shouts, and spins around a few times with his arms out to make sure no one’s in his space. “McKinnon,” he says, and points, “you’re with me.”

Call Me Maybe fades out, and Sirius thinks he’s going to murder James for benching him during ABBA. Frank looks put out, too, but at least he has the rugby boys to bitch with. Remus is still passed out, and Peter’s still outside, and fuck, does he really not have any other friends?

He looks over at the rugby boys, and it’s a bit weird to not see his brother among them, but like fuck was he going to let Regulus in here. He spots Evans, with her phone raised, filming the spectacle, and decides his best bet is to scrounge up a permanent marker and draw as many dicks on Remus’ face as he can before the song ends.

Dancing Queen is a pretty long song.

1:01

“Potter,” calls one of the football girls. Sirius doesn’t know any of their names, but he follows James across the room anyway. She has a phone tucked under her ear, and holds out a finger to let him know she won’t be long. “Yep, okay. See you soon.” She looks at James. “Mum brigade is on the way.”

“Oh,” says James. “Is it that late already?”

“Yes,” she (Sarah?) says. “So if you’re going to play Three Lions, play it now.”

“Oh, shit! Yeah. I’ll have it on next.”

She claps his shoulder. “Good fucking lad. I’ll gather the girls.”

“Nice.”

Sirius volunteers to go put it on, because he doesn’t particularly want to get caught in the middle of a circle of football players shouting directly in his ear, and already being on the fringe of the party seems like the only way he’s going to avoid getting sucked into it.

“Privately,” Evans says, sidling up beside him, “I hope football never comes home ever again.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Sirius says, and she hands him a disposable coffee cup filled with something that he’s only sure isn’t coffee.

She waits ‘til he has his mouth full (cider? beer? cider and beer?) to say, “Also I let Peter back inside,” and disappears before he can swallow.

He almost chokes, but he doesn’t try to follow her, or find Peter.

He sits down next to the speaker, leans against the wall, and closes his eyes. He wants everyone to leave, wants the party to be over. Wants the party to never have happened. Wants James to quit the football team, wants this fucking song to end.

Wants, he leans against the wall and he wants.

1:58

“Come down here with me,” James whines, holding his arms out. “I think about that small café.”

“You’re a baby,” Sirius says, but he lays down anyway. “This carpet is disgusting.”

“Yeah, as far as I’m aware Baba and Aai have never cleaned it.” He takes Sirius’ hand, entwines their fingers. “I’ll drink afternoon tea afternoon tea – how often is carpet supposed to be cleaned?”

“I have no idea. How do you even clean a carpet?”

“Carpet cleaner and hoovering, I suppose.”

“Wouldn’t it be so funny,” Sirius says, “if this carpet wasn’t actually brown at all and it’s just dirt?”

“I drink sugar with – Sirius that would not be funny at all. I’m getting sick just thinking about it.”

“You get sick thinking about McGonagall with her hair down.”

“She’s looked the same since the day I first met her! I don’t want her to ever change! It’s like if your cousin waxed her upper lip, or – or if Remus wore skinny jeans.”

“You’ve never seen Moony’s skinny jeans?”

The look of utter disbelief and upset that James gives him is enough to break him. “I don’t know who he is anymore,” James whispers.

“Hey,” Sirius says, squeezing his hand, “think about it this way. At least Pete has a mullet now.”

James’ smile is so bright it’s hard to look at in the dimness. “Yeah! Hey, yeah!” He stops to giggle. “Mullet. Did you ever catch the mullet in Club Penguin?”

Sirius rolls onto his side to stare at James. “You could do that?”

“Yeah. Remus showed me how to do it in year six.”

“Why didn’t he show me?” Sirius is dangerously close to pouting.

“Well, let’s think…if he didn’t tell you, he mustn’t have been talking to you, so was that when you stole his Take That CDs?”

“No, that was the year before.”

James rolls onto his side as well. “Was it when you and Peter played darts that one time and you got him in the foot?”

“I think that was later.”

“When we had a sleepover and you spilled your sprite all over his sleeping bag and he cried and called his dad to pick him up and you made fun of him at school on Monday for crying despite the fact you sobbed the whole way through Notting Hill?”

“Yeah that sounds like it.” They’re face to face and James’ lips are right there and he wants to kiss him, wants to kiss him so that James knows he means it.

Except Evans flops down on James’ other side and he rolls back onto his back. Sirius watches Evans take James’ hand – the one Sirius isn’t holding he’s still holding why are you still holding his hand

Sirius watches James slip away from him, and it makes him want to cry.

5:30

He wakes up on the floor, and he wakes up with James breathing on his face. He wakes up with the idea that Mr Brightside has been playing for quite a while now, and he wakes up with 151 notifications on his phone, and he wakes up calm. He doesn’t stay that way, though, because almost as soon as he registers James he registers Evans, with an arm and a leg draped over him. Sometime since they fell asleep, Sirius let go of James’ hand, or James let go of Sirius’ hand, or Evans waited ‘til they were both out and maliciously ripped their hands apart, because he’s never woken up next to James Potter not holding his hand.

He kisses James’ forehead, feather-light, and then he sits up. Remus is still on the loveseat, and Peter’s curled up on the floor by the loo, but everyone else has cleared off, and Sirius is glad; the den looks like it’s been hit by a hurricane, and he couldn’t deal with people on top of that.

When he goes upstairs, the kitchen light is on, and this time he doesn’t wait for Euphemia to call him in.

“Good morning, beautiful boy,” she says, and pulls another mug from the shelf for him. “How was your night?”

His voice is husky when he says, “Aai,” but Euphemia doesn’t have time to notice as she crosses the kitchen in two quick strides and wraps him up in a hug. He cries into her shoulder for as long as he dares, and she rubs his back and massages his scalp until he pushes away because the saucepan is starting to bubble over. “Don’t worry ‘bout me,” he says. She shoots him a look over her shoulder that says fat chance.

“Everything will work out,” she says, as she pours the tea into the mugs.

“How can you know?” he asks, taking the mug she offers.

“I’m your mother,” she smiles, and pats his cheek. “Aai knows. Now take that up to bed with you, and when you wake up, everything will seem a little better. Okay?”

He nods. Things already seem a little better, with the warmth of the mug, and the warmth of a mother’s love. He kisses her cheek, takes a sip of his chai, and then he goes to bed.

#fic #my writing #padfootdidit #inakindofdaydream #smallvoids #gxldentrio #jiilys #alrightevans #snapslikethis #jockfemme

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