#grog says yes to stupid things
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Vax: We already told you, your weapons are ours.
Percy: In fact we’ll be keeping your weapons, your armor, and I believe your pride!
Vex: But your life is yours
Percy: You may even outrun the dwarfs we’re about to set free
#critical role#critical role: the trick about falling#vex’ahlia#vax’ildan#percy de rolo#grog says yes to stupid things
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I saw you're open for prompts! Not many people ship Vex'leth and I adore them so much. I saw a list running around for comfort, and what about their first kiss, in a confined space?
Oh sweet! Sure thing! Here’s what I’ve come up with.
Rating: general
Tags: first kiss, everyone rolled a nat 1 at least once here, Vex is dodging feelings like daggers but fails
“Bloody, stupid, thing-” Vex is teetering on her tiptoes, fingertips straining to reach the bottle of something, Keyleth can’t quite see what– before she grabs the shelf with her fingers and desperately scrabbling to gain hold and pull herself up, swinging her legs for some reason and swearing up a storm. Thankfully there isn’t much in this store closet, there’s just enough room for Vex’s impressive flailing– not much for her to break or knock over but still, it’d be rude not to offer a hand.
Trying not to giggle, Vex won’t like to be laughed at, Keyleth comes up behind her, “Can I help?”
“Oh!” Vex near shrieks, she lets herself drop and whirls around, braid hitting Keyleth in the bicep as she turns. “Keyleth, what are you doing?”
“Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you, I just thought maybe you could use some help?” Reflexively Keyleth raises her hands in a placating gesture, trying not to offend.
“I’ve–” Vex looks back up, seemingly debating if pride is worth not getting her prize. “A minute more and I would have gotten it, but since you’re here now.”
“Yes, sure! I’ll get it, don’t worry!” Keyleth springs into movement without thinking, crowding Vex as she leans up on her toes to snag the bottle.
"While I'm sure people would appreciate this view, could you hurry, please?" Vex's muffled voice comes from Keyleth's bust.
"Yup! Almost– got it– oh!" She does manage to grab it with her fingertips but it doesn't make its way into her hand securely; when she tries to settle back to her normal height she loses her balance, free hand swinging wildly trying to catch hold of something before she can fall.
"Don't drop it–" Vex hisses and tries to grab for the hand with the precarious glass but only manages to unbalance Keyleth further, the gangly woman's foot catching the door and slamming it shut before she hits the ground with a loud thump.
"Ow." Keyleth’s head is aching after ricocheting off the wood and then the floor. She rubs the spot and rights her antlers while blinking rapidly to get used to the sudden loss of light despite still being able to see.
"That was impressive.” Vex snorts then casually offers a hand, pulling the other woman up easily. Leaning down once more she gathers the bottle in hand and salutes Keyleth with it, “Even more so that it didn’t break. As fun as this was, I’ll be going now. See you at dinner.”
The knob turns but the door doesn’t open. Vex rattles it once, then another time more violently as the wood doesn’t yield. “No. Way.” She says, trying a third time even though she knows it’s useless. “Hello?!”
Keyleth winces at her loud shout, reaching up to cover her ears as Vex tries to catch anyone’s attention.
“Where. Is. The. Housekeeper!” Vex punctuates each word with another bang of her fists.
“Everyone had the day off, she’s not here.” Keyleth offers, “but Scanlan or Grog should be coming home sometime soon, they only have a few things to do.”
“Great, fantastic, just what I needed today. Why does this door even swing open this way, who built this idiotic place!” Vex says in frustration, slamming the palm of her hand against the thick wooden door. She takes a deep breath and says with put-upon calm, “Keyleth, do you have anything you might be able to do here?”
“I’ve used up most of my magic today already and there’s not exactly enough space here for Minxie to work…” When Vex’s eyebrows angle down even further into an angry V, Keyleth shrinks in on herself, “I can try Burning Hands, maybe? Melt the lock?”
“Has that honestly ever worked?”
It sounds like a hypothetical question but, “Maybe this time it will!” Keyleth says with only slightly forced enthusiasm.
Vex pinches the bridge of her nose and waves a hand, “I don’t suppose things could get much worse, either it works or we still have to wait for someone else to come.”
It can’t get worse, in that much Vex is right, the door is still firmly shut when Keyleth pulls her hands away. They’ve only now had the unfortunate realization that the key was still in the lock on the other side and now will be forever, melted completely into the gears.
“Another comedy of errors that seems to follow us as the plague.” Vex says.
Keyleth sinks down to the floor, back against the stone and wraps her arms around her knees in the small space, Vex heaves a exasperated sigh and in the weird muted colors that darkvision allows Keyleth watches as Vex join her on the ground, one leg stretched out so that her foot is touching the outside of Keyleth’s hip.
“I can still cast Light, if you wanted me to.”
“On what, darling.” Vex says dryly, “It’s not as if you have your staff-”
Silently Keyleth reaches up to tap the doorknob, illuminating the space suddenly and Vex throws up a hand, shielding her eyes. It’s bright, but the colors are the way they should be at least. A minute passes.
It’s awkward.
Two minutes.
It’s so awkward.
“Uhm, so,” Keyleth pats her hands against her knees rhythmically, “what was that for? The bottle?”
For a second it seems like Vex is just going to ignore her until they get rescued. “It’s a very potent cleaner, I’ve spilled wax on my favorite nightgown.”
“Oh.” Keyleth shuffles her feet closer to hold her knees tighter. All she’s doing is bothering Vex, and it’s her fault they’re even in this mess, “I’m sure someone will be home soon, it’ll be fine–”
Vex scoffs and shuts her eyes, leaning back against the stone, her mouth in a taut line. Keyleth studies her for a moment before daring to ask something that’s been bothering her for awhile,
“Vex? Why… Why don’t you like me that much?” Vex opens one eye to stare at her before digging the heels of her palms into her eyes like she’s tired.
“Oh, darling,” Vex sighs, seeming like she’s fighting something internally before offering, “my biggest vice has always been jealousy.”
Most people, Keyleth included, would say it was actually greed but she’s too flabbergasted by the notion of Vex wanting anything she could possibly have to think about that too deeply, “You? Jealous of me? Are you serious– wh– ha, why?”
Vex narrows her eyes and hmms in thought, finally she says stiffly, “I spend most of my time thinking on how to be charming, how to get what I want out of people and yet you do that on your own without trying. People look at you and just want to help, it’s infuriating.”
“Oh.” Keyleth drops her gaze, placing her chin on her knees, there’s something close to tears at the corners of her eyes, her throat feeling tight. It feels like the hurt might also be joined with indignation, and she’s blurting out before she can think it through, “That’s really really unfair. And kind of mean, do you really think everything has just been handed to me?”
Vex is quiet next to her for a moment, her jaw working as she stews on how to respond. “I– that was very rude of me to say.”
“That’s not a no,” Keyleth points out.
“It’s… complicated.” Vex glances over and softens. She brushes her fingertip lightly underneath Keyleth’s eye, gathering the moisture there before seeming to catch herself and quickly wiping her fingers on her pants. “I always seem to be hurting your feelings.”
“Yeah, I know; I’m sensitive, I’m working on it.” Keyleth quickly wipes under her eyes, keeping them trained on the ground.
“It’s a frustrating quality sometimes I’ll admit but… It does make you strongarm us into better choices, I cannot blame you so much for that.” Vex half smiles when Keyleth looks up at her, “Being so tenderhearted, I never thought I’d want someone like that in my life. But I do, I admire your hopefulness, your spirit. I suppose that’s why I’m harsher than I intend to be with you sometimes, I don’t want to be hurt by someone’s ideals. That’s not a proper apology but I am sorry.”
There’s definitely something else she’s not saying but Keyleth can’t puzzle it out, “You’re mean to me even though you like me? That’s very backwards.”
“It’s all wrapped up together, don’t you see? Kash, my brother, they look at you like you’re the sun, and I want–” Vex clamps her jaw shut tight.
There’s a few dots that had been missing that finally connect in Keyleth’s head at the near admission, “Wait, Vex, is this…” Keyleth shifts around, kneeling at Vex’s side, hesitating before resting her hands upon Vex’s. When she doesn’t immediately pull away she holds them tighter. Wishing that she wasn’t so clumsy with her words Keyleth tries again. “You’re jealous of them too?”
Vex purses her lips, looking away but still admitting, “It would seem so.”
“Oh.”
“Indeed.” There’s a heavy pause before Vex whispers, uncharacteristically quiet, her usual confidence lacking, “What do you think of that?”
“I’m not sure what to do with it. I–” Keyleth’s cheeks warm, “I like when I see you looking at me. I think you’re incredible, you’re so strong and beautiful. I like knowing you think about me that way.”
She’s trying to think of how to voice everything in her head, wishing as always that speaking came more naturally to her but then Vex’s hand is soft and light against her cheek, hazel eyes intent and intense on her, and she doesn’t have a chance in hell to make a coherent sentence now. “Keyleth, darling, may I kiss you?”
And oh, no one has asked her before, they’ve simply taken surprised and confused kisses from her. There’s power in having a say, knowing with near certainty that if she were to say no, Vex would drop her hand and they would surely go back to their normal existence.
Digging her teeth into her bottom lip Keyleth nods, nervous but sure, “I’d like you to.”
With the confidence that Keyleth is more used to seeing on her Vex smirks, one corner of her mouth curling in delight before she leans in, pausing a hair’s breadth away to let Keyleth sit with the anticipation a second before closing the gap.
There is no comparison. No part of getting kissed by, no- kissing Vex is as different as the seasons. Because Vex is being firm but she isn't taking, guiding her through her insecurity and inexperience. The hand on her cheek has slid down to her neck, fingers digging into her nape to hold her in place, nails like sharp pin pricks against her skin but not unpleasant. Vex’s lips are soft and the lightly tinted balm she uses is sweet, a heady contrast to the way she’s kissing her, teeth catching Keyleth’s bottom lip and she can feel the soft puff of air as Vex quietly laughs at her gasp.
“Wow. Please, do that again.” Keyleth says breathlessly when they part and Vex laughs, the sound is very free, delighted and infectious.
“Any time, Darling.”
--
“Oh-ho-ho, what’s this, you guys playing seven minutes in heaven without me?”
Grog, holding the remains of the door looks confused, “how’d you get ta heaven and back so fast?”
“Shut it, both of you.” Vex snaps, pushing Scanlan aside by his forehead as she storms out of the tiny space with Keyleth in tow, her hand clutching Keyleth’s in a near crushing grip.
“That wasn’t a no!” Scanlan calls after them yet thankfully doesn’t follow.
Keyleth can feel how warm her face is, knows how bright her cheeks must be, and she’s still confused. How to sort this out and put it in its place in her life? What does it mean? But Vex still hasn’t let her go and Keyleth is realizing that she doesn’t exactly mind. They haven’t talked about exactly what they are now; Vex is a mystery on purpose, armor she’s built piece by piece to protect herself from getting her feelings hurt still firmly in place, but when she’s holding her hand like this– when she’s talked to her like that, when they just… well, there might just be a chink in that armor.
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Oh boy this got long, hope this was something close to what you were wanting! Catch that darling getting capitalized as it turns from a turn of phrase to a title :)
Thanks @aughisky-miran !!!
#prompts#my writing#vexleth#critical role#vex'ahlia#keyleth#keyleth/vex#vex x keyleth#sure hope there arent any typos it's very late and i'm very tired
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Coffee Smell - Pikelan One-Shot
Summary: camping, and one-bed, and unspoken feelings, oh my!
Words: 1,855
Day 1 of (hopefully) 30, using the ‘September’ prompts by @creativepromptsforwriting
Read on AO3!
They had never been this close before, she suddenly realised. Sure there had been moments in cramped elevators or concert crowds, but this was by far the closest they had ever been to one another.
“God, your breath wreaks, Scanlan. Did you eat a pile of garlic before bed?” Pike asked, more so out of desperate need to distract her mind and body than out of any actual curiosity or annoyance.
Even though Pike had her eyes closed, she could tell a wicked grin was growing on the face of the shorter man laying beside her, “I may have had a handful of Keyleth’s almond barks, yes…and Grog’s little accident also means I have no toothbrush so I’m afraid I can’t do much about it, Piekypants” he retorted, taking a pause between words to purposefully breath out from his mouth much harder than he needed to.
Pike mmm’d a response, shifting slightly to try and get her head in an angle that wasn’t directly in front of Scanlan and his almond bark breath. “Yno, I love Keyleth and the fact she only bakes with natural ingredients….but I am not convinced that those things don’t have actual bark in them” She mused, being yet another attempt to distract both herself and Scanlan from her obvious discomfort.
“Oh no they definitely do. I saw Percy pull out a piece the size of a gold coin earlier” he said, his body responding to her movements as needed.
The pair were currently on a camping trip with some of their friends, and had had to cram into Pike’s single person tent when Grog had accidentally thrown Scanlan’s hiking bag into a river as they attempted to cross it.
To say the space they were in was tight would have been a massive understatement. The only comfortable position Pike had found so far had been laying on her left side, facing Scanlan, and seemingly the only comfortable position he had found had been on his right side, facing Pike. And now that comfortable position was being rudely interrupted by Scanlan’s awful bark breath, so began yet another desperate search between them to attempt to find some semblance of comfort.
It didn’t help matters that the close proximity was also making Pike feel certain things she really didn’t want to feel right now. If it had been anyone else on this trip beside her - well, maybe not anyone else - she would have been fine, maybe even happy to cuddle in with the other party, but Scanlan had always been different from everyone else.
Their friendship had an unfortunate start, with their first meeting abruptly ending when a drunken Scanlan announced to Pike and Grog that she was the love of his life. What followed was years of constant innuendos and advances from Scanlan, all of which Pike had turned down with a laugh. Eventually, they had come to an understanding that it would be best for Scanlan, and their friendship as a whole, if he stop with the advances completely.
That had been almost six years ago now, and their friendship had become something Pike treasured deeply. Scanlan was an ever-present menace, but he was also the most caring and supportive person she knew. Pike knew early it didn’t take much for Scanlan to fall deeply in love with someone, but over the last few years she finally got to see that play out in a platonic way. She adored him for the level of genuine care he had for those he didn’t obsess over and idealise.
But that was just the problem. She adored him for it. She didn’t know for certain when it had started, or why, or how, but laying here contorting her body into a multitude of equally uncomfortable sleeping positions, she was finally confronted with a truth she had been long avoiding.
She had a crush on Scanlan Shorthalt. To make matters worse, it wasn’t even a normal adult crush it was one of those stupid, embarrassing crushes you get when you’re eleven and all your body wants to do is doodle pictures of them in your notebooks.
She cursed her body and her mind for betraying her so dastardly, and made sure to curse Vex’ahlia while she was at it too. While Pike had been able to pretend her crush wasn’t there, Vex had been quick to call her out on it over a year ago, and when Scanlan’s belongings emerged from the lake predictably unusable, Vex had insisted no one else but Pike could share a tent and that actually that would be a fantastic arrangement for everyone. Somehow.
Cursing her friend silently under her breath, Pike finally settled on laying on her left side with her face turned into the air mattress beneath them. She was completely uncomfortable but was more than willing to sacrifice her physical comfort for her emotional one.
“Man, is it really that bad?” Scanlan asked quietly, himself unmoved from his previous position, “Listen, I think I have an idea for making us both more comfortable….but there’s a 50/50 chance you’re gonna hate it”
Not moving her head from its fixed position, Pike took a moment before mumbling out a “Go on”
She could feel Scanlan perk up beside her, to know she was at least willing to hear him out, “So, essentially what the idea is, is that we both face the same way and spoon” he paused, presumably waiting for her to respond, but continued after what he seemingly deemed as too long, “To clarify, I mean like, fully spooning. Like cuddling, limbs, hair in face, all that……and like, yno, spooning in itself is just really comfy so….the longer you stay silent, the more I’m just going to ramble until you speak…..The first time I masturbated I-”
At that, Pike finally began shifting in her spot. Craning her head toward Scanlan, she opened her eyes for the first time since laying down beside him, and put a finger to his lips, “I really really don’t want to know, Scanlan. But I will admit. Spooning would solve a lot of the…issues we’re having here so…..fine”. While at first she had seen only darkness, slowly the man in front of her was coming into a sharper focus, as a faint light from what remained of their campfire glowed outside.
Taking him in for the first time, she was immediately struck by the large smirk on his face, and instantly her heartstrings were plucked. He had changed out of his daywear since she last saw him, but she couldn’t place where this new garb had come from. His hair, usually in a bun or ponytail, was untied, and loosely pushed to one side of his head, with the occasional lock cascading gently over his face.
“Great!” He said, the smirk only growing wider, “I happen to be an excellent spooner by the way”
At this Pike rolled her eyes, and started her slow move closer toward Scanlan, “Spooning really isn’t a skill, Scanlan”.
When she had settled a few inches shy of them touching, she stopped, and looked at him waiting.
But he simply stared back at her, eventually knitting his brows together, “Yno, usually spooning means you gotta turn around yno….” he said, confusion evident.
“Yep” She said, “So, you gonna…?”
Scanlan was immediately taken aback “You want me to be the little spoon?” Pike only nodded in response, causing the man to appear stunned for a moment. He took almost a whole minute before blinking his confusion away, and softly, but excitedly, adding “I never even considered that an option….I love it but, are you sure you don’t want-”
“Turn around, Scanlan” She interrupted, and he graciously nodded and awkwardly flipped himself, facing his back to her, and whipping his entire head of hair at Pike’s face as he did so.
Sputtering a few of his strands from her mouth, Pike said, “I never really considered how much hair you had before now. Have you got a hair tie?”
Scanlan sighed before starting to tie his hair up, a more than difficult task in their tight enclosure. Pike leant her head back, staying wary of his elbows and fists, and did her best to ignore the heat that radiated through her as she watched his dexterous fingers do their work.
“That’s the best I can do” he said, completing the top knot with a sigh. While the top knot itself was less than perfect, it achieved its goal of getting the hair out of Pike’s face, and so she considered it more than acceptable.
Gazing at the hair atop his head, Pike couldn’t help as her eyes flitted down and landed on his neck. She had never really thought of it before, but that was a nice neck. Perfect for-
“You okay?” He whispered to her, snapping her mind from out of the gutter it had plunged itself into, “You don’t have to actually spoon me if you don’t want to” he continued, unaware of where he had just dragged her mind out of, “It’s all good, Pikey”.
Swallowing hard, she allowed his words to drown out the horny, stupid, loud teenager that was taking over her brain, and slowly began to shift closer to him.
Fueled in part by her desire to just touch him already, and in other part by her desperate need for comfort and sleep, she nestled herself into the curve of his back, and threw her right arm around his side. Immediately, she felt him tense up and smiled to herself at the reaction.
“Thank you for saying that, Scanlan” She whispered into his neck, watching it as it slowly moved with each of his breaths.
Taking a gulp, he responded, “Ye-yeah of course…”
“Is this okay?” She asked him, gesturing to her arm that lay around him.
“Yeah” he said simply.
She grinned to herself wildly. She didn’t know how but she had somehow stumbled into the answer to the age old question of ‘how to make Scanlan Shorthalt shut up’, and couldn’t help but bask in the power she felt in her fingertips.
After a few more minutes of silence, Pike’s eyes began to droop. Without thinking, she put her head onto the nape of Scanlan’s neck and while she would go on tomorrow to insist that she didn’t kiss him, she puckered her lips and let them land on his skin.
He shuddered beneath her, and the two of them sighed heavily in unison.
“Is this okay?” She asked against his skin
“Yeah” He responded
“Good night, Scanlan” She said
“Good night, Pike” He replied
Allowing sleep to come over her, Pike took one last deep breath before drifting away. She grinned to herself as she was struck by a smell, seemingly one seeped into Scanlan’s cool tanned skin. She didn’t know how she could’ve missed it before but she decided right there and then, in that split second before her dreams took her away, that this was the best smell in Exandria.
Definitely much better than Keyleth’s almond barks.
#pikelan#one shot#vox machina#pike/scanlan#pike x scanlan#scanlan/pike#scanlan x pike#scanlan shorthalt x pike trickfoot#pike trickfoot x scanlan shorthalt#writeblr#fanfic#idk what ur supposed to tag fics with oops#my writing
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I know you said pike and vex were summer and the solstice, but I feel like it’d make more sense for vex to be summer and pike to be the solstice, because the solstice is the longest day of year which I feel fits pike better then just summer in general. It would also have vex being a part of the same “group” as vax, kiki, and Percy, and puts pike in the same group as scanlan and grog. This way also all the ships are also season-wise foils to each other.
Okay so, yes I understand what you're saying. And sure, it would make more sense, but the reason that I put Pike as summer is to avoid one of the things that makes me so frustrated with this fandom which is separating the half-elves (plus Percy) from the gnomes (plus Grog). And then putting more importance on the former group.
I want to change that, mix it up so it's not Pike, Scanlan, and Grog getting the short end of the stick in every au, getting pushed aside because for some stupid reason this fandom has decided that they're not as interesting or as important. Which is so not true, they are some of the most complex characters of the bunch.
You ever noticed that I have zero pikelan centric aus? or Grog centric aus? The reason is none of y'all get excited about them the way you do for the others. And it's fucking annoying because they're great characters who have so much unrealized potential in this fandom.
#critical role#vox machina#this got kind of angry and im sorry im not angry at you just the fandom in general lol
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|| Part three of The Legend Of Vox Machina Quotes ||
A/n: I woke up very late since I haven’t slept good abs then I went up to Maine and got back late, thankfully I can actually stay up late but I wanted to post a few things before I get some drabbles out.
Sylas: [to Y/n] You just keep your pretty little mouth shut and everything will be Punky Brewster.
Y/n:….
Y/n: what?!
•••
Vex: [weakly] ...blood for oil...
Y/n: Uh. Sounds like someone needs their after dinner walk. Vax, help me put your sister in the pit of no return.
•••
Percy: If I had died in that crash today, who would have remembered me?
Y/n: I would.
Percy: That's right, nobody!
•••
Scanlan: I was not helping Y/n with a leg cramp. I was not giving her a lying down hug. I was not helping her look for her contact. I was plowing, Pike
Pike: [quietly] Oh, my goodness
•••
Y/n: You're really gonna kill five people over $20?
Sylas: Are you really asking that to the guy who, just last week, killed six people over $19?
Y/n: Oh, yeah
•••
Vex: who’s turn is it to give the pep talk?
Pike: it’s y/n’s.
y/n: fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.
•••
Vax: how come you’ve been abnormally nice to me lately?
y/n: what do you mean?
Vax: you just seem nicer than usual.
y/n: i can punch you in the face if you want.
•••
Keyleth: so… you’re in love?
Percy: no.
y/n: *enters the room*
Keyleth: are you smiling?
Percy: no.
•••
Sylas: I could kill you if I wanted.
Y/N: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.
•••
Y/N: I feel like doing something stupid.
Grog: I’m stupid, do me.
•••
Keyleth: Truth or dare?
Y/n: Truth
Keyleth: How many hours have you slept this week?
Y/n: Dare
Keyleth: Go to sleep
Y/n: I don’t like this game
•••
Y/N: Dont worry I've got a few knifes up my sleeve
Percy: I think you mean cards
Vex: they did not
Y/N, pulling out knifes: I did not
•••
Vex: [showing some pictures she has of her childhood]
Y/N: [picking up a picture] Aw look at baby Vex twirling in a sparkly dress and heels.
Vax: [taking a closer look at the picture]
Vax: That would be me
•••
Vex: Did you really have to stab him?
Y/n: You weren't there, you didn't hear what he said to me.
Vex: And what did he say?
Y/n: "What are you gonna do? Stab me?"
Percy, nodding: That's fair.
Vex: NO!
•••
Keyleth: Name something you could hurt yourself riding on.
Y/n: *side eyeing Vax*
Y/n: ......a horse.
•••
Y/n: Woah..... look! Look how pretty the moon is tonight! So bright. So good.
Vex, frantically pressing down on Reader’s stab wound: Y-Y/N, that’s a streetlamp-
•••
Y/n: ah yes, the five love languages...
Y/n, pointing at Scanlan: ‘touch starved’
Y/n, pointing at Scanlan: ‘my parents never told me they loved me’
Y/n, pointing at Grog: ‘I love to do stupid things’
Y/n, pointing at Percy: ‘I’m so fucking tired, let me rest for five freaking minutes!’
Y/n, pointing at Keyleth: ‘my parents didn’t give me enough attention’
Percy:…
Keyleth:…
Grog:…
Scanlan:….
Scanlan: Hey!why did I get two?
•••
Y/n: Sure we’re best friends, but I would fuck you if you asked.
Percy: What?
Y/n: What?
Scanlan: [Eating chips in the backgroud] They said they would fuck you if you asked.
Y/n and Percy: …
#incorrect quotes x reader#incorrect quotes#vox machina x reader#vox machina#the legend of vox machina x reader#the legend of vox machina#percy de rolo#percival de rolo x reader#scanlan shorthalt#scanlan x reader#Scanlan#grog x reader#grog strongjaw#keyleth#keyleth x reader#vaxildan x reader#vaxildan vessar#vax x reader#vex x reader#pike#pike x reader#sylas briarwood#sylas x reader#critical role x reader#critical role
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Okay I don't remember if the place FFXV Gilgamesh is in has doors, but hilarious idea for the Vox Machina in FFXV if so.
Just, the Vox Machina stumbles upon the place, not knowing this is where Gilgamesh is. Meanwhile Gilgamesh is chilling inside, only to hear a bunch of crashing and lots of extremely annoyed shouting. So he goes to check what's going on, only to have to dodge because Grog and Kayleth were trying to tag team his doors. Needless to say there was awkward staring, until Scalan goes "Okay why do they open for this creepy dude instead of us?!" Then that opens the floodgates for the rest of the Vox Machina to complain, so now Gilgamesh is just, normally people react to him in fear, not immediately get distracted by ranting about his doors. Then he sees Ardyn, and, well, let's just say when the Vox Machina realize that this creepy dude did serious emotional and mental damage to their new friend Gilgamesh better start running.
*drags muses in kicking and shouting*, *plops them on chair*, now answer the nice ask left by the nice anon darnit.
asflkj that would be really funny XDDD. Ardyn *warns* them not to go in here but they kind of have no choice? Shenanigans happened like being chased by too many nifs or they just- fell down into the chasm and are looking for a way out. And yes! Gilgamesh's lair has multiple doors, all of them magically sealed with swords of all things. Which means they are more than a little annoyed and happy to blo up the stupid doors while slaying daemons and ghosties along the way.
Gilgamesh comes out to see who dares enter and is just- not prepared for these weirdos. Who are more upset by the existence of a door than him, the giant suit of murder armor.
Of course then he spots Ardyn and opens his big mouth and Ardyn *cringes* in fear and frankly that's all the signal they need to take out their fury on this weird one armed suit of armor. Keyleth especially is more than happy to show why she was once the Voice of the Tempest and that *yes*, if you super charge it enough, you *can* still summon massive lightning bolts while deep underground.
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watching vox machina for the first time!!
SPOILERS BELOW. SO MANY. FOR ALL THE EPISODES IN SEASON 1
telling apart vax and vex is gonna SUCK
liam obrian my beloved
they’re so stupid this mean council guy is OBVI a dragon who can shapeshifte,, these fools
the king is a dilf
awwww vax with kids
AWWWW THE KIDS ARE DEAD UH
gnc barkeep nice
this show is rly gross like. barf blood ew
THSI INTRO SLAPS
thought fince the dragon was just trying to drive down real estate prices until he mentioned bargaining w gold
TUSK LOVE in gilmore’s shop omg
WAIT THE SCOTTISH GUYS THE DRAGON WHATTTTT NOT THE RAISIN GUY ???
why is there a troll dick
this sad victorian stage coach??? apparently his name is DESMOND which. yeah.
omg vampire nevromancer power couple?? hate them but also love that for them.
i’ve been told to stop chanting “horsdeourves” (how spell)
oh 1% anime boy has trauma D:
THE SNAKES NAME IS SIMON 🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
vax ur awesome
yea okay i love percy hes my fav
apparently he needs wooden bullets?
side note would silver work ???? bc ik silver works for “evil” creatures generally like werewolves and steel for “nice” creatures like fey?? so would vampires count hmmm
also btw their fancy outfits are so coooool i love them !!
we’re taking a break and i have many thoughts;
do grogs tattoos have significance??
also cleric struggling w faith hell yea cool side quest tho
vax being disaster bisexual ICONIC of him
surprisingly i am not struggling w vax vs vex names v much :0
BEADS OF LOVE
your soul is forfeit dude ur so cool
duuuude secret passages!!!
WHY did the guards keep the twins together??? big stupid moment ngl
woa the ever light kinda dark tho. just saying.
keyleth <3 ur so nice 🥰🌸😇
ghosts fuck yes
NOOO THE GUARDS WERE SO HOT NOOOOO
aw grog not wanting to break piles shrine
ghost grabbed grogs titties lol
why doesn’t ANYONE have the light spell omgggg
PERCY IS CURB STOMPING A GHOST RN WHAT
He’s my fav
oh my GOD grog’s “what if i need you?” 🥺🥺🥺
“you’re their light now” stfu 😭😭
omg gilmore’s back :0
ok but what the heck IS percys weird shadow smoke thing??? intriguing
oh my god vax is a bisexual disaster wow.
these scenery shots are sooo pretty oh my god
oh my god that’s a massive fuck off dog
woaaa cool omg it’s just a torso that’s metal as fuck
that’s awesome ok
wow
hahah cool blood dogs okie
it’s sorta trottin along aww
percy’s tutor guys is eugh
AWWWW VAX “kiki”
bruh “friend”
wow these guys. suck at not accidentally bringing up percys trauma lol
vex’s abandonment issues popping off okay
this whitestone flashback is GORGEOUS so it’s gonna be in ruins now :/
yea it sucks now 😬 sun tree looking uhhhh
fits the vampire aesthetic a lot more now ngl but i like the pretty version personally
oh damn. the ending of episode 5. damn. augh
percy V pale. vitamin deficiency? very very white boy
why tf are there giants/goliaths here?? does not make sense bestie like is it an ecosystem thing? additional guard force?? i am wondering.
whitestone? more like graystone OOOOO BURN it’s bc the city is dirty.
religious person keeping the peace? BOOOO RISE UP VIVA LA RESISTANCE
Oh nvm she’s in the resistance ! sick. good for her.
aww archie and percy childhood crushes?? adorable
everlight on FIRE?? i guess not dark now but that can’t be good oof
“those were bad ideas and you should all feel bad” so tru bestie
also vax and percy standing like a power couple in that scene polycule rights
that’s a RLY COOL gun scope omg
haha back door team are all bottoms
oh my GOD they can’t open the door jesus
help action unsuccessful yikes scanlan
scANLANS FOOT???
PERCY FELL OUT A WINDOW
oh my god archie is nice and i like him <3
keyleth going FERAL I LOVE THAT FOR HER
WAIT. scanlans piercing is on the gay ear !!!!!
FUCK YES NO MERCY PERCY
and the NAME melts off the GUN this RULES
Cassandra is alive!!!!! holy shitttt
percy was a NERD in his youth
still is lol
this tutor suuuuuuucks booo
“who’s the sixth barrel for?” THE SHADOW. OH.
awwww archie and percy <3 <3 cute
let. me. be. annoying.
oh this lute music is a VIBE.
scanlans song slaps as well this is great
OMG THE GUARDS ARE PLAYING DND HAHA
“he’s a really tall guy” “scanlans just got shrunk” thanks @a-human-pippin-took i’m dumb at moments
WHAT FIRE BREATH WHAHAHAT HA
HEY HE IS BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE!!!!
this rules.
DUDE HES A TRICERATOPS THIS IS AMAZING 🦖🦕🦖🦕🦖
So dinosaurs are real??? or are they like mythical creatures in this universe ?
i can’t believe this mission was a total success good job scanlan
dick lightning omg nice sam
oh shit. cass. fuck man.
FUCK this tutor guy !
this loser brought a sword to a gun fight. sHit nvm he brought golems
OH MY GOD SHES ALOVE SHE SURVIVED JESUS CHRIST AH THANK GOD
pikes side quest goin Wild rn
oh THATS what it’s supposed to look like. a bit more light-y
oh this possession thing is uhhhhhh Fucked Up
oh my GOD percy is cool. fucked up but cool.
cass is. she has trauma as well! oof moment
oh my god. keyleth and the de rolo crest. that’s cool as fuck 😌😌
this vampire building is cool af and definitely trustable!!
uhhh that’s some. strange looking ceiling mold. 😬
oh FUCK THAT the hanged children have been ununalived now
ARCHIE NOOOOOIIIIIIOOOOOOIIOJOOKOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD
still torn up about that but holy shit keyleth
aw “kiki” 💚💚💚
that was a V good speech percy!! i miss archie :,(
oh my god “you know i’m in love with you, right?” “NOW?”
PIKE YES
“marry me?” “yes right now let’s do it” “really?” “no”
aw fuck still zombos
necromancer lady tattoo is messy as fuck. stick poke?
vax u CANT just free EVERYONE who the briarwoods hate,,
woa percy what did she do tho
oh this credits song!! <3 cute
oh FUCK this doctor lady
egh i rly don’t like anna ripley eghhhh
i agree w scanlan lol the smoke is a Bit fucked up lol lol hmmmm
WOA
OH MY GOD WHAT PERCY WHAT UR SOUL DUDE WHAT WOAH WHAT
this is so sus
cass u better be chill and not not chill
OH THATS SO COOL OMG “you’re at the bottom of my list”
taliesin king of one liners and crow noises
i only just realized pike is astral projecting
sick dagger vax 🔥🔥🔥
WAIT THE NAME CAS NO
shit fuck balls i called it
shittttt
percys crying vex is crying i’m gonna cry
HEAVY METAL
grog why is ur dick named that,,,,,
oh scanlan u genius
WATCHING W SUBTITLES ORTHAX IS THE WEIRD DEMON WTF AHHHH
percy holding his arm back from shooting cass,,,
oh my god scanlans muted,,,, smart but UGH
PIKE !! ❤️❤️❤️❤️💕❤️💕❤️❤️💕💕💕
KEYLETH THE LIGHT YEs
WEAKENS VAMPIRE FREES VEX THIS RULES YES
FUCK. YES. PIKE. THIS IS AWESOME KICK HER ASS
ok that fight was EPIC
And cass is more chill again!
aw fucks sake vampire lady pls stop it jeez
KEYLETH
the demon is orb
shittttttt
percy nooo ur soul is being overtaken haha
okay i got so wrapped up in the last episode i forgot to write ANYTHING but this show is VERY GOOD i highly recommend
!!!
#Rsbry’s jam#vox machina#vox machina spoilers#critical role#critical role season 1#the legend of vox machina#tlovm
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Orym for the character ask!
First impression - He’s a little bland, but he’s a good balance for the rest of the crazy party. It’s nice to see Liam playing a fighter, he does it in a cool way! And I’m glad to know he’s still on the Air Ashari hype train.
Impression now - Oh my sweet little hyper competent very deadly ballerina man I love you so much. He’s so, interesting, so fun, so dynamic, he’s still the perfect balance for this party, still love the fighting style. I think he’s such a good take on the “good and honorable” character. I wanna know more about him. I love Liam’s physicality for him. He’s just the best.
Favorite moment - This is a hard one, and besides literally everything he does in combat, and most of his ro moments, I’m gonna go with a fun one and say I really loved the Nancy moment with Opal. It was just so insane and stupid and shouldn’t have happened, and yet it did, and it was so fucking funny, and his resigned “mother” will never fail to get me every time. I love watching Liam play off of the other cast members for comedy, he’s very good at building up to someone else’s joke or working off something someone did. And who doesn’t love Liam and Aimee’s ongoing Nancy and her mother tweets?
Idea for a story - This is more a mix of headcanon and story, but I’d love one about him getting drunk or loosening up for some other reason, and accidentally dropping on some unsuspecting people the fact that he knew pretty much all of VM, legendary heroes, since childhood. Scanlan came by and sang him some birthday songs on his 20th, Pike gave him fun buns when he was little and still had long enough hair, Grog gave him and a bunch of other little halflings an insane piggy back ride one time, he once took a nap on Trinket, Percy made him his first little sword and shield, stuff like that. And everyone listening is stunned that he knows these figures of legend so well. I simply love the trope of “what, that isn’t normal?” said about the least normal thing possible. I have some more headcanons related to that, but I’ll drop that in the headcanon section.
Unpopular opinion - I don’t think he’s actually that much of a sad character. He clearly does carry around some sort of grief with him, that much is for sure, but the thing is so do most dnd characters? And yes, Liam likes to explore loss and grief more than most players, but I don’t think Orym is unusually sad. I think people just always plaster the title of “sadboi” onto every character he makes. I think melancholy and sadness is certainly a large part of Orym’s character, but not so much that he should be given that title and have that labeled shoved on him, defining everything he does. Liam should be free from the sadboi trope.
Favorite relationship - I know this is basic, but his relationship to Dorian and Fearne. They just clearly love, trust, and look up to him so much, and he clearly loves them back and wants to protect them equally as much. I just love the dynamic between the three of them so much, especially since we know the context of how they came to be so close, and all the bumps along the way to getting there. It’s like the three people in a friend group who are clearly way closer than everyone else is, but no one mentions it that much. I love it.
Favorite headcanon - My personal favorite headcanon is that Keyleth took Orym under her wing from a very young age. My main justification is that, why else would a young, low level halfling be in her guard? I like to think that for whatever reason, maybe his dad or maybe him being a little different from everyone else, or whatever it is, she sort of half adopted him and was very close to him. Mentored him and all that, even when he wasn’t very good at duridry. Which is one of the reasons he knows VM in my above headcanon/story, because he spent a lot of time with Keyleth. Like those kids (me) who spent their early childhoods not relating to kids their age and hanging around adults. I just think it’s a sweet idea.
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Critical Role Quotes and Memorable Moments - Campaign 2 (115/?)
Eadwulf: "I've never tried gardening."
Beau: "You should wear those little rose printed gloves."
Eadwulf: "Do you have a pair?"
Beau: "Little visor. Maybe the Clay family has some."
Jester: "I am painting him a little pair of rose petal gardening gloves."
Matt "They both look at each other."
Eadwulf: "Of course, yes."
Caduceus: "You burned a temple."
Eadwulf: "Yes, yes."
Caduceus: "You're going to have to start learning how to pay for the things you've done. No magic, get the tools, start working."
Matt: "Make an intimidation check with advantage."
Caleb: "Yeah, get out there, beefcake."
Sam: "Gardening intimidation."
Marisha: "Intimidation in spades."
Fjord: "What happened to the book?"
Caduceus: "Which book?"
Caleb: "The spooky book."
Fjord: "Spooky book."
Caleb: "That gave us eyes."
Jester: "Maybe it's in the Bag of Holding!"
Fjord: "I reach in the Bag of Holding trying to find the spooky book."
Matt: "You pull it out."
Beau: "Oh shit! Oh shit!"
Jester: "Don't look at it, don't look at it!"
Travis: "We're fine. Come on, Grog!"
Taliesin: "Skip to the end, skip to the end!"
Fjord: "Are we going back to Rumblecusp?"
Jester: "I mean, why wouldn't we? It's beautiful! We have the BeaureBar!"
Beau: "I do have to check on the BeaureBar."
Jester: "We need to go on vacation."
Veth: "The what?"
Beau: "The BeaureBar."
Veth: "Oh, that's right."
Marisha: "I think you named it."
Sam: "It's such a stupid name."
Laura: "Our summer home! Sorry, The Fucking BeaureBar."
[Saying goodbye to Caduceus]
Jester: "I go give Caduceus a hug."
Caduceus: "Oh, I'm going to miss that."
Jester: "Thanks for, you know, showing me how cool it is to actually heal people."
Caduceus: "It's not as cool as a giant lollipop."
Fjord: "Actually, I'll join in that as well. I give you an enormous hug. Thank you for... everything. I wouldn't be here like this without you."
Caduceus: " You have nothing you didn't earn."
Yasha: "I go up and I give him a hug, too. Hey, do you... do you have any seeds?"
Caduceus: "Tons."
Yasha: "May I take some?"
Caduceus: "Of course, yeah. We have a little... I guess you'd call it a library? Just come in back, we've got a whole thing."
Yasha: "Okay."
Caleb: "Thank you for softening a skeptic's eye."
Caduceus: "Thank you for bearing fruit that saved everybody."
Veth: " Thank you for saving my son. And..."
Caduceus: "Thank you for the near-death experience."
Veth: " Well, I'm good at that. I was supposed to give you this a long time ago, but the nice lady on Rumblecusp gave me a pink flower to give to you."
Caduceus: "Aww."
Veth: " She said it represented your connection with the earth."
Caduceus: " Oh, nice."
Veth: "Seems like you have plenty of flowers around here."
Caduceus: "I appreciate that. This is... It's a nice compliment, coming from the second best mother I know."
Veth: "So your mother's the best?"
Beau: "Don't overthink it, Veth."
Caduceus: "She's also within earshot, so you know, don't push it with the compliments. I can't wait to see your son in a few years."
Sam: "Well, if he's anything like his mom, you won't see him till it's too late."
Caduceus: "Actually, do you need anything?"
Jester: "I need a lot of things, Caduceus. What can you give me?"
Caduceus: "I don't know. Hold on one second. How would you like a new shield?"
Jester: "Ooh! Let me look at my shield that I have."
Travis: "Careful, you might give it to her and she'll just wear it and not use it."
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lovm watch party 2: I said I wasn’t gonna do this but nobody told me it was live commentary. yes I am commenting on the commentary.
oh, liam got her
"putting laura bailey on the spot" is my favorite content
"depsite his cold exterior....he's cold all the way through"
"if you have light-up crystals, you use them"
"this is our whole relationship, right here" "now give me your money"
pickle 🖤
"don't wake the dead >:("
it's fun to say!!
changes my twitter name to "illegal immoral and fattening"
"how long have they been there and why haven't they clean"
my roommate that I finally bullied into watching dubbed grog "a big dumb puppy" immediately
update: still hate it
liam: everybody shut up my wife's on screen
none of us are over keyleth but liam o'brien is definitely not over keyleth
"don't go outside!" "that's where the bad is!"
wait no changes my twitter name to ghost skritches
nobody called out the table, I'm sad
"he pooped in a jar?!" "it's. it's complicated."
"I'm just gonna drink now."
"it wasn't THAT hard"
"somehow didn't put it a blindspot pun"
"I wanna make people cry"
so he's who I have to go after for emotional damages
oh daughter of the sea was SO GOOD
mala: moral of this story: shoot your shot
I would buy a metapigeon
"we can't joke about things here"
okay I know I said trigun but those are trigun as hell
"that's stupid and wouldn't work!" "I know! they don't!"
mala: there are too many bisexuals here, that's their problem
she didn't want to be a Big Titty Anime Girl
the fact that there are just wires going into their ears and I can't see the earpiece is bothering me for some reason
oh no undercut vax
"he's on time-out"
simon gets belts and a chain
[edna mode voice] NO BELTS
"that's my prom photo"
"we can sense each other like bats"
"you poopin?"
"we are used to screaming alone in a small room. also we record things."
"she will never move on from trinket" ask sam
"force matt to do all kinds of horrible things he doesn't wanna do" that's it that's the game
sunjin as the fandom and also liam
"why not both"
The Adventure Begins
#ithasbegin
"you gonna have fun byeeee"
their legs are made of fingers
changes twitter name to /pizza
"I'm the adult, none of you are old enough to drive" taliesin
"they're just doing what mama asked!!"
"whoops, saved us again"
"give her five seconds to think about something and it'll all go to hell" relateable
guiding arrow up the butt
JUST noticed vex pulling percy after her. this is my fifth time watching it.
"I can't believe you killed the horses!" "they had to go!"
"the vampiric energy is why we get such beautiful sunsets in whitestone"
just ten minutes of "oh noooo"
"she accidentally killed a lot of people"
laura validating my dissertation on the twins' codependency
"give matt a list of names and this is what happens"
"he needs a warm cup of cocoa and a blanket - " "AND HIS PARENTS"
"that's when we knew matt wasn't fucking around"
oh I did not catch the nails
"what do they see in each other" "she's hot" "he's hot"
"your brother's an idiot and everybody else is just goofing off"
take a nap and make a watch, maybe you'll feel better
catching the uwus
that was a hell of an analogy
I want this gifset. I'm not gonna make it but I want it
"I don't wanna murder on live television!"
flashbacks to travis and his zappy swatter
oh this is so weird without the music. like good, but weird
I love him calling out different people working on these shots
"girl u ok"
grog for scale
that is a sexy wagon tho
"wolf-abomination"
oh no bottom left I hate it
mala: instituting a 4 legs maximum
justin mcelroy talking about when they got to write for marvel: feels increasingly like a prank
"we should always talk about darin de paul" correct
we lost laura, laura has left the chat
laura beating taliesin up live on the internet
"were they body wind chimes?" "I mean not yet"
"we hired a real bird, he was excellent"
if they don't stop saying "zaddy" I'mma mcfuckin lose it for entirely unrelated reasons
"we get to keep light"
"I want this in my house"
"no one like a sober barbarian"
"this is what shooting in brooklyn is like"
"this is a beautiful show" smash cut to spitting blood
so much bass in one room
"sound design 10/10 but please stop"
dfslkd I also did not catch Reggie
Pocket Sausage
I Fell Out Of The Window
so much celery
oh THAT'S rahlia. mystery solved
"where's percy" doing hot girl shit
"percy's having therapy" that is NOT therapy taliesin
3D HORSES
"and then they burn with the house"
tallyessen jaffie
liam and laura what are you doing back there
taliesin trying desperately to get out of the accent
"percy just coming out" that ship has sailed
"I had a dream I was from california"
give us the lore taliesin
"draw me a bear riding a horse drinking beer in flowing water"
Speaking Of Nipples
"am I a bossy person" "I'm not answering that while I'm in arm's reach"
"thanks mica. ...what are you doing after this?"
"couch bros" [pours one out for Chaos Couch]
conceal don't feel
"I can fix him"
"percy at his core is still in his pajamas with his buttflap hanging out"
"how much of that is matt just torturing you"
"it was just never-ending stupid"
door episode dvd extra
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Percy: I have another gift
Vex: You do?!?!
Percy, proudly handing it over: Explosive arrow
Vex: This is the best day ever!
Keyleth: Don’t trust it
Percy: It’s a bit iffy.
#critical role: the trick about falling#critical role#percy de rolo#vex’ahlia#keyleth#grog says yes to stupid things
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I know I been quiet.
I had duty yesterday and it was busy and shitty in an annoying way. I have seen the porn.
Today was just weird. I was dissociating, missing him, and overall just...I don't even know. I couldn't be here. Grog, talking with @deniseandthefandoms, and this song on repeat has helped me get out of that.
Anyway I'd like to take time to get some things off my chest, not so much a rant, but just...I'm fuckin' tired.
While talking with Denise, she told me I deserve to be respected and that this is my blog, and my space. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that made me tear up a bit, because holy shit I have put up with a lot of bullshit over the time I've been running this, and even now I feel like very few people actually do respect me as a person (not necessarily as an expert in Sea Duke knowledge).
Between the irrational hate I got back in the day when I was relationshipping with someone no longer here [the fandom literally thought I was made up and shit talked me to her and I saw that shit every fucking day, among other things], Rachel coming to me on anon wanting to suck my dick insulting my intelligence every chance she got, and the numerous, unending onslaught of anons telling me how "pathetic" I am and to "eat shit and die," and the insatiable need to ride into my inbox on a moral high horse, I feel like I do not get that. When I do, it's rare.
I know I am not always the easiest person to get along with. My tolerance for bullshit has decreased the longer I been doing this, over 8 years of service in the Navy [where, I have to say, I have been treated better] to include one deployment, and getting run the fuck over and dealing with literally re-learning how to life, and yes, getting older. I'm fucking tired. I'm burnt out.
I try to be as nice as I can about it but I when say something, like "hey don't pull up in my inbox and argue over stupid gossip," maybe...uh...DON'T FUCKING DO THAT? I definitely do not mean "hey do it anyway I want and enjoy the pettiness and need that in my life." Learn to fucking read. Respect what little expectations I put in place. I repeat myself more here with that than I do at work, dealing with kids fresh out of high school and at their first command. You're all adults [or at least like to brag that you are]. I know I can be silly. I encourage others to share it in [I mean, hello, *gestures at my friendship with Danelle*]. In no way way does that serve as an invite to act like my inbox is the gossip column of your high school newspaper.
The day he died is a perfect example. I don't know why people though that day was a good day to assault my inbox with gossip, trying to pick fights with other anons, shitty opinions, "hot takes" on shitty Andrew, and other completely unrelated bullshit, but fuck it y'all didn't care, did you? Nah, fuckin' send that shit! Like bruh, he just died my brain's more broken than usual shut the fuck up and give me space but nooooo nobody wanted to do that because they thought they were special and that didn't apply to them. IT TOOK SOMEONE ELSE TELLIN' Y'ALL TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR Y'ALL TO DO IT.
I don't get it. Is it because I'm a guy? Is that it? Because this fandom has a huuuuuge issue with shitting on men as a whole and apparently some think that alone is reason enough to force feed me their unsolicited opinions and lectures, and generally treat me like shit. Is it because I don't worship/hate whoever the fuck it's cool to worship/hate that particular week? I don't know how else I can say "I only care about Prince Philip like read the fuckin' header, dipshit." Or do y'all just straight up not give a shit and think because "it's the Internet" that it's just not A Thing? I could understand if I made a habit of coming into people's inboxes trying to start shit, but I don't. I literally just type my bullshit here on my own goddamn blog. Yes, if someone comes to me and is shitty, then that's different. But on the whole I stay the fuck out of it. This is largely why I have no fucks left to give. I'm tired.
Anyway.
I'mma go watch this porn these Sea Duke swimming clips and beat my dick like it owes me a 6 pack.
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timestamp of din and the puppers?
Oh my gosh, yessss.
After much thought on the subject I have decided that a Thing I love is Accidental Disney Princess Din Djarin, Very Tired Dad, Friend To (Most) Animals.
(Generally speaking, the ones trying to eat him don’t count.)
I mean, he didn’t have time for the blurrg, especially after the way e met them? But Kuiil convinced him to give them another try and then he had his Toothless moment and earned the blurrg’s trust.
Then the scene with the massiffs which is honestly one of my favorites, because Din with a pupper makes me happy to think about?
This scary looking lizard/doggo creature to help guard/protect him and his? But also plays fetch and asks for belly rubs and scritches and looks at him with stars in its eyes when it’s not judging his life choices of course.
AND.
The thought of Grogu using one as a Noble Steed instead of the pram is both adorable and hilarious to me, like little kids do with big doggos and whatnot.
(Also an excellent partner in crime, and if Din didn’t want the two of them committing said crimes he shouldn’t have introduced them, you know? What did he expect to happen?)
I mean, just imagine Grog as the Mand'alor’s son riding on his most noble of steeds in a cookie raid? (Sadly, there were no survivors.)
But, uh, back to your prompt.
So it starts with that first massiff pupper as a gift for killing the krayt dragon and brokering peace between the people of Mos Pelgo and the Tusken Raiders, but someone comments about the fact they’re pack animals, right, or maybe Din has that realization somewhere along the line himself.
There’s another stop on Tatooine, and casual question about any new litters/clutches and what would they want for one or to of the pups?
He ends up with three new puppers and the promise for more from the next litter/clutch if he’d like.
At first he’s like, haha, no, four is more than enough, and yet.
The whole Mand'alor dealio and massifs really do make for excellent guard animals, so he takes the Tusken Raiders up on their offer. Pays them, or trades for the new puppers, whichever one they accept, and back on Mandalore everyone’s like oh, yeah, the royal hounds.
Din’s personal guard - which, for the record he didn’t ask for Bo-Katan, what is this, this is just awkward for me - use them to patrol the grounds of the Mand'alor’s residence and such and someone is appointed keeper of the royal hounds and such.
In the meantime, Din’s been on Adventures and such and there’s a one in ten chance of Din coming back from said Adventure with a new animal friend.
“...it followed me home,” he’ll say, some flavor of embarrassed about it because really, Din, really?
Your new animal friend just happened to jump into your ship for the ride back to Mandalore after what no doubt was a truly idiotic and life-endangering Adventure, did it?
Strange how that keeps happening.
So there are blurrgs and massiffs and any number of other animal friends Din brought back with him.
Grogu is delighted because more parters in crime, a little gang, if you will, and him as the beloved leader who pays them in cookies and other such priceless treasures.
Luke just watches Din - grown adult, capable fighter, devoted father, and ruler of a whole entire planet - act like a little kid who smuggled a pet into the house and then has to explain its presence to his parents.
Some reason to go to Hoth and when he tells Luke about it afterward he mention these natice creatures that can be tamed as mounts he used?
Luke is like, “Oh, tauntauns!” and then tells Din about his harrowing experience with the local fauna and how Han saved his life by shoving him inside a tauntaun once like :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Din just stares at his husband/consort like how, how, is this man alive?
Han off to the side shrugs because hell if he knows, Han’s the lucky one because Leia got the brains and common sense out of the two of them.
Also, paying a visit to Boba Fett on Tatooine, and once Luke and Boba agree to leave any grievances in the past - mainly for Din’s benefit there’s a ~tour of the place.
“You didn’t replace the rancor?”
And Din, poor, Very Tired Din goes so very still.
Doesn’t look at Luke who’s looking around at the repurposed rancor pit. Boba is next to Din and Din can feel the man’s glee at the chance to tell him about yet more incredibly stupid things his husband’s done.
“Do I want to know?” he asks in an undertone.
Boba is freaking delighted, “Probably not, but I’ll tell you anyway,” >:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
...Which is how Din finds out about certain Jedi walking in to Jabba’s palace to rescue his friend and his many near-death experiences along the way.
I mean, he knew bits and pieces of the story from things Luke and his friends and family let slip? And yet somehow none of that prepared him for the full story.
Also, though, also.
Luke who sets up his Jedi school on Yavin in the beginning and various native species, and Luke laughing at him when he turns up with a new animal friend. Doesn’t tell him to put it back though, because the students are all wide-eyed with fascination every time.
Luke may or may not have told them it’s part of Din’s ~magic, joking and all and they know it, but then Din and his many, many animal friends, so maybe Master Skywalker is telling the truth?
Din is always why are you like this? to Luke who cannot stop teasing him over his ability to befriend (most) animals he meets, and has to kiss him to get him to stop laughing, it’s not that funny.
Before Luke goes to live with Din and Grogu on Mandalore full time, his Jedi school up and running for years by then and staffed by former students and Jedi who survived Order 66 and subsequent years and they’re all, omg, just go already, because Luke’s sacrificed a lot to get them where they are and now he should absolutely live the rest of his life as a kept man, go, go, go, the school has its own animal guardians in the form of native animals or somesuch, because kiddos with animals is always a good thing.
Anyway, yes.
Din and the puppers and an entire menagerie while everyone is exasperated because they’ll have to set up housing for their ruler’s new animal friends or delighted at Din’s ??? reaction because he didn’t mean to come back with new animal friends.
Also, also, I kind of love the idea of there being a baby krayt dragon in there somewhere. Animal traffickers and whatnot who stop by Mandalore for whatever reason before they’re discovered and arrested or what have you?
Most of their cargo are confiscated and returned to their homeworlds as possible, but there are a few exceptions, incidents.
One involves a canyon krayt that takes off the moment it can and digs itself into...a canyon. (Din is like, SIGH, but it’s young, small, and scared and he befriends it, or close enough that they allow it to stay where it is for now.)
The other is a baby greater krayt dragon like the one in Mos Pelgo and escaped before the Madalorians caught wind of the animal traffickers. Ran to a remote area that’s not ideal for humans to live and keeps wild animal populations under control and more trouble than it’s worth, really, to remove it.
Luke is delighted/horrified when he hears aboutb Din’s previous adventures with krayt dragons and the way Cobb cannot stop laughing at the fact Din now has two of the bastards on his planet, two.
But it does add to the reputation of Mandalor’s new ruler, a man who killed a greater krayt dragon on his own - “I didn’t, though? Cobb you were there, tell them!” - and now has one guarding his planet. (”It’s more of a pest with an endless stomach, though???”)
So, uh. Yes.
#star wars nonsense#dinluke#anon#not!fic prompt#prompt fills#technically not a fic#vagrant fic#long post#Anonymous#din's doggos
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Hey dude, just wanted to say that your writing is amazing and I really enjoyed how you wrote Keyleth in a recent Vexleth prompt. I was hoping you could write something similar with Keyleth getting triggered and/or overstimulated and Vex is the only one who realizes what’s happening. Maybe she gets protective and snaps at the rest of VM to back off and then calms Keyleth down?
Percy had promised Keyleth they would only be staying in the tavern for a short time. Judging by the inebriated state of Grog, they’d been there at least three hours, if not longer.
“Just long enough to get some information from the locals and do some people watching.” He’d said, but Keyleth knew the white-haired man well enough to know when he was lying. Though he was one of her closest friends, Percy was still greedy when it came to things he wanted, even if it meant putting the other party members in tough situations.
If it was any other night, Keyleth might have even enjoyed herself at the tavern, letting the cacophonous sounds of merriment drown out the loudness of her own thoughts and senses. This was not the case tonight, as Keyleth was drained from their fight earlier. She’d been hit by a particularly nasty Chain Lightning spell by the mage they were tracking. The combination of the lingering ache from that and the exhaustion she felt after spending most of her spells during the fight meant she was quickly overwhelmed by the environment of the tavern.
Currently, Keyleth had her hands wrapped tightly around a half-full tankard of ale and her eyes fixed firmly at the bottom of the cup. Looking around the room was out of the question, as there was some music act going on that used flashing lights and bright colors. A particularly loud yell went around the room as the patrons cheered over something she couldn’t see, and Keyleth’s hands immediately clapped over her pointed ears to save herself from the auditory onslaught. None of the other members of Vox Machina seemed to notice how poorly she was doing, a fairly normal occurrence, but that didn’t mean her friends didn’t care.
The druid began to struggle out of the booth she was tucked into when her skin prickled as it had just before being struck with lightning. The task was made more difficult given the stupid dress she’d decided to wear today. It was new, and she’d wanted to wear it out because it swished around her knees so nicely and the silk felt like cool water running over her skin. In her hurry to escape from the oppressive heat, sound, and sights of the tavern Keyleth managed to knock into one of the various tavern patrons with a boney elbow. This of course sent the cup they held and its contents flying for a brief moment before spilling down the front of her dress.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.
All of her calming and coping techniques went out the window when the well-meaning patron reached out to try and dab some of the ale off of Keyleth’s dress with a handkerchief. Their touch on her already buzzing skin and the shrill sound of their voice was too much to handle. Keyleth knocked their hand away from where it was touching her shoulder, feeling uncontrolled defensive magic sparking at her fingers as she did so.
The only thing that kept her from releasing the spell was a gentle and familiar voice right by her ear.
“Keyleth, darling? Will you take a walk with me?”
Oh, Vex.
Keyleth nodded frantically and squeezed her eyes shut as Vex placed a single hand on the small of her back to guide her through the rowdy crowd and out into the cool night air. The relief of being outside lasted for two seconds before she heard her name being shouted by Vax and Percy.
“Keyleth! Where are you going? We were about to -”
The grounding touch of Vex disappeared for a brief moment as the ranger behind her spun around to berate the two men for being blind to the obvious distressed Keyleth.
“We are going for a walk, alone.” Her eyes narrowed as Percy continued to approach, hands reaching for Keyleth before Vex stepped in between the gunslinger and the girl she loved.
“Did that mage knock all of the sense out of your brain, De Rolo? You told Keyleth we’d only be here a short time, and after the day she’s had…” Vex shook her head and pointed to her twin as well. “And you! Vax did you even notice that you kept knocking into Keyleth at the table? You two should feel like shit because you’ve ignored your friends obvious signs of discomfort the entire night.”
Vex watched her brother and Percy open their mouths multiple times to say something before thinking better of it and dropping their head in shame. She nodded, satisfied with their responses. “Now apologize.”
“Sorry Kiki…” Percy murmured, cheeks turning a brilliant shade of tomato in response to the verbal berating he’d just received. “Um, we’ll meet up with you later?”
“Sorry Kiki…” Vax echoed, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment before tugging at Percy’s arm to drag him back into the chaos of the tavern.
The druid didn’t offer a response to Percy, mainly because Vex had wrapped an arm around her waist and was leading her towards the lush forest at the edge of the small town. For the first few seconds, she enjoyed the weight of Vex’s arm against her body, but as soon as they broke the treeline she was squirming away from the half-elf and pulling frustratedly at the dress that wetly clung to her skin and assailed her with unpleasant sensations.
When she couldn’t seem to work her hands well enough to get the dress off she turned to Vex and just threw herself at the woman, tears flowing freely now as she struggled to breathe through the panic rising in her chest. The motion sent both her and Vex tumbling ungracefully to the ground, but the ranger accepted it and maneuvered their connected bodies so she could clutch Keyleth tightly to her chest.
The steady thud of Vex’s heart beneath her breastbone cut through the electricity sparking in Keyleth’s brain and across her skin. She never pushed Keyleth away, not even when the woman dug her nails just a little too hard into the soft flesh of her bicep.
“Breathe my love. Can you do that for me?”
Keyleth nodded slowly against Vex’s shirt, her shoulders rising and falling in sync with the rhythm of Vex’s breathing over the next few minutes until her shaking had stopped and her body had lost some of its tenseness.
“Good girl. I was really worried for a moment.”
The druid whimpered at that and turned her face up to look at Vex, eyes wide and seeking comfort in the familiar sight of Vex’s deep green eyes that often reminded her of winter evergreens and mossy forest floors.
The gentle brush of Vex’s hand across her back paused momentarily as the ranger fell deep into Keyleth’s trusting eyes and deeper in love with her. The woman on her chest clenched the fabric of her shirt tightly in one fist before surging forward to bury her face in the warm crook of Vex’s neck. She laid there for a few moments, just relishing in the scents of peppery Queen Anne’s Lace and sweet Honeysuckle that followed Vex wherever she went. Keyleth had never fully settled on whether or not it was a perfume, soap, or just Vex’s natural scent, but either way, it was something she rarely allowed herself to appreciate this closely.
The silence stretched on for a few more minutes, the two women just basking in the sounds of the nighttime forest around them before Keyleth stirred and pulled her head back so she could look the dark-haired beauty in the face again.
“Vex?” Keyleth’s voice was still hoarse from all the tears she’d cried, but at least she was able to speak again.
“Yes darling?” She watched the druid held in her arms as she chewed nervously at her bottom lip before wetting those perfect lips and-
“Thank you…”
Vex tried not to let her expression fall when Keyleth thanked her. She’d honestly been hoping Keyleth would kiss her, but that was stupid. Keyleth didn’t like her like that. Didn’t feel the sparks Vex felt every time they touched.
A soft pair of lips brushing across her cheeks pulled the ranger from her miserable thoughts with a start, her hands gripping Keyleth slightly harder as the woman pulled back with a shy expression settling on her beautiful freckled face.
“Can I-”
“Will you-”
The two laughed nervously before their gazes met again and time melted away until all that remained were the stars above and the thundering of two hearts as their lips met tentatively in the most saccharine of first kisses.
Keyleth felt lightning across her skin again, everywhere Vex was touching, but this time she welcomed it.
#critical role writing#critical role#vexleth#first kiss#writing prompt#critical karma#karma writes things#vex'ahlia#keyleth#nd keyleth
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the persistence of 6/?
read from beginning | read on ao3
Vex doesn’t intend on leaving the manor grounds, not at first. She’s in a new city, despite having lived here for several years, and getting herself lost would only serve to panic everyone, and would be rather humiliating to boot. But, even with Trinket at her side, the garden that was so inviting last night has become unbearable. Oppressive.
She’s suffocating. So while she knows that leaving is probably a bad idea, she can’t bring herself to stay.
She stands, using Trinket’s shoulder for leverage, then scratches him behind the ears. “Let’s go for a walk, buddy.”
It’s still early enough that the streets are near deserted. The few people Vex does pass as she wanders give her a wave or a nod and go about their business. She deliberately avoids the streets that will take her back to the town square and those unnerving statues. There’s a castle on a hilltop to the north, so she sets off in that direction, her interest piqued.
She loses track of time while walking, and eventually she stops to take a break by a wrought iron gate. A faded signpost pointing to the right reads “To the Zenith and the Greyfield”. A raven caws, and she feels a pull in her chest, as if her subconscious is telling her that the answers she need lie at the end of this path.
Trinket makes a mournful noise as she walks through the gate and starts down the path, but he follows dutifully, glancing about for anything untoward. It is kind of creepy, she will admit. They pass a temple first, large and very old. The Zenith, if she had to guess. The sun shines through the stained glass window as she passes, bathing her in warm, colored light, and she places her hand to her heart and bows without thinking. A chill runs down her spine, but she shakes it off and keeps going.
The Greyfield is a cemetery, she finds. The eerie silence is only broken by the occasional raven’s cry. And if she’d thought the city was overpopulated with ravens, it’s nothing compared to this. The main group of them seem to be clustered around a mausoleum on the far end of the field, and her curiosity outweighs any fear she might be feeling.
There’s no name carved into the stone, no indication of it belonging to anyone in particular. The door is open, and she ventures inside. The air is cold and stale, and she realizes that someone has set this place up as a shrine of some kind. There’s an altar laid out in the center of the room, adorned with ravens feathers, small white flowers, and a bowl of some dark liquid. She dips a couple fingers in it. It’s cold and viscous and is most definitely blood.
She stares at her fingers, at the blood that drips from them onto the marble floor, an uneasy pit settling in her stomach. “What the fuck is this place?”
“Creepy, isn’t it?”
Vex shrieks and spins around, her heart racing in her chest. Keyleth is there in the doorway, regarding the mausoleum with disdain.
“Sorry,” she says, wincing. “I promise this place isn’t actually as bad as it looks.”
Vex takes a couple of deep breaths. “What is it?”
“A temple to the Raven Queen,” Keyleth says, and Vex doesn’t miss the bitterness in her voice, or the way she refuses to actually step into the space. “Percy had this repurposed for Vax, so he’d have a place to worship while he was in Whitestone.”
She doesn’t miss the way Keyleth hesitates before saying her brother’s name.
“You love him, don’t you?” she asks. “Vax.”
The way Keyleth’s eyes widen is all the answer she needs, but she nods after a moment. “It, uh, didn’t exactly work out, but...yeah.”
“Didn’t work out,” Vex repeats. “Did it have anything to do with Her?” She nods towards the shrine.
Keyleth laughs, wipes away a tear. “Yeah, you could say that.” She sighs. “It’s...complicated. He had to go. To serve Her. And I couldn’t follow.”
Vex hugs Keyleth tight. “I’m sorry, darling. I can kick his ass for you the next time I see him, if you’d like.”
Keyleth shrinks back out of Vex’s embrace. “That won’t be necessary. It’s fine, really. I’ve...made my peace with it.”
Liar she thinks, but she doesn’t push. “I guess we should probably go back, shouldn’t we?”
Keyleth takes her hand as they walk through the cemetery. “How are you feeling?”
She sighs, tries to ignore the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “Lost,” she says finally. “Have you ever...had a word caught on the tip of your tongue, and you know you should know it, and you know that once you hear it you’ll remember, and you’ll feel so fucking stupid for ever forgetting it?”
Keyleth nods.
“That’s what this feels like,” she continues. “Except it’s not just one word, it’s five years of my life, and I don’t know if I’ll ever actually remember.”
“We’ll figure this out, Vex,” Keyleth says, squeezing her hand. “There’s a solution out there, I know there is, we just have to find it.” She stops them, cups Vex’s face in her hands. “I promise you, we will fix this.”
Vex sniffles, looks away from her friend’s earnest gaze. “That’s what you all said yesterday.”
=============================================================
Percy feels like he’s going mad with worry. Sure, Vex is more than capable of taking care of herself, and Keyleth had done a quick scry before going off to find her, and assured him that she was fine. But he’s still tense and anxious, and he’s going to wear a groove in the floorboards if he doesn’t stop pacing soon.
They’d all been so confident in Pike, in her healing abilities, that none of them had been prepared for the spell to not work. Except for Vex he thinks. She’d accepted defeat so easily, seemed to have almost been expecting it, and that’s what has him truly scared. He’s never witnessed Vex give up quite so fast, and he doesn’t know what it means.
For him. For her. For them...
A knock on the doorframe jolts him out of his thoughts. Scanlan is standing there with a sad smile. “Hey. I managed to calm Pike down,” he starts. “She should be coming back soon enough. I think she was going to have a little chat with Sarenrae. How’s Vex?”
Percy shrugs. “Not sure,” he admits. “She took off just after you and Pike left. Didn’t say where she was going. Keyleth had to scry to find out where she’d gone.”
Scanlan nods, taps his foot nervously. “I had an idea,” he says. “And obviously we’d have to run it by Vex, and if you guys say ‘no’ I’ll never bring it up again-”
“Scanlan.” Percy cuts off his rambling. “What was your idea?”
The gnome sighs. “If, for whatever reason, there’s absolutely no way to restore Vex’s memories, I thought I could maybe use Modify Memory on her. To give her a highlight reel of the last few years. It would take some time, and I can’t give her everything, but she’d have something back. The important stuff, at least.”
Percy’s so overwhelmed with emotion, he does the first thing that comes to his mind. He hugs Scanlan.
“Can you really do that, Scanlan?”
Percy’s head snaps up. Vex is standing just beyond the doorway with Keyleth and Pike. He doesn’t want to jinx anything, but she looks almost hopeful.
“I can,” Scanlan says, turning to face her. “But only with your consent. And you’d have to trust that we wouldn’t give you any false or altered memories.”
She mulls it over for a minute. “I’ll have to think it over,” she says. “But, no matter what, it’s an incredibly sweet offer, Scanlan.”
“It might not even be necessary,” Pike says, stepping forward. “I spoke with Sarenrae, for a while, and she told me what we have to do to get Vex’s memories restored.”
“That’s great, Pike,” Keyleth says. “What do we have to do?”
Pike sighs. “Well, the reason my spell didn’t work is because Sarenrae doesn’t have dominion over memories. The Raven Queen does,” she explains. “I’ve been able to restore memories before because the effect was smaller, in Percy and Grog’s case, or it was a physical ailment, like the Gith we met in Pandemonium. What happened to Vex was bigger, and magical. It’s not something Sarenrae or I can fix.”
“But the Raven Queen can?” Percy guesses.
“Yes.” Pike looks up at Vex. “If you’re willing to try, I already got in touch with the Raven Queen’s temple in Vasselheim. We can go as early as tomorrow, and hopefully they can cure you.”
“I think it’s worth a shot,” Percy says. “But the choice is yours, dearest.”
Vex looks uncertain until her attention is caught by something outside. Percy follows her gaze to Vesper, playing in the garden with Rika. He looks back to Vex, and she nods once, firmly. “I suppose there’s no harm in trying.”
=============================================================
Her dreams that night are horrific. There’s no visual, just pitch darkness, but the voices are as clear as day. And they’re all awful.
The first is her brother, and she can almost feel him grasping her hand. Do not go far from me. If we are out of earshot, you are too far from me. Do not go far from me.
Her own tearful response. Do you think this is what mother saw before she died?
The next is a voice she doesn’t recognize, but it sends chills down her spine, sickly and oozing. Sweet, broken Vex’ahlia... a question, from her What would you ask in return? him again Your heart.
My heart is someone else’s.
Scanlan calling for her from across a battlefield. Her sobbing, casting healing spells uselessly into an unresponsive body. I’m not leaving Percy!
A cold room, a colder feeling in her chest. Desperate to do something, anything. But I don’t want to be here if you’re not. Whitestone still needs you, darling. I still need you here.
Grog’s voice, loud. Angry. Devastated. FIX HIM!
Then herself again. Having a conversation with someone, but the replies are static.
I feel like she’s taking part of me away.
I don’t know how to live.
Please. I love you. I don’t accept this.
I’m going to find you.
And, finally, on a maddening loop.
Where’s Vax?
Where’s Vax?
Where’s Vax?
Where’s Vax?
She wakes from her nightmares with a scream, thrashing against the confines of her blanket. Her foot connects with something, and Percy grunts.
“Vex’ahlia.” His hands on her shoulders ground her. “It’s alright, dear, you’re alright. It was just a dream.”
She catches his hand as it’s running through her hair. “Percy.” She stares at him, tears flowing, the weight of the truth threatening to crush her. “I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
“You have to promise you’ll tell me the truth,” she says. “Swear to me that you won’t lie to me.”
She sees the realization dawn in his eyes, but he nods. “I swear, Vex. I swear on our wedding vows that I will not lie to you.”
“Is my brother dead?”
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★ @ghostbustingreen asked: 🍵Pour one out for Geno, Nikki
OH DREAMY THE CANS OF BEES YOU’VE JUST OPENED. LET’S-A FUCKING GO. i’mma put this under a read more because i’m aware that i’ll probably be getting really fucking vile here. y’all been warned.
holy shit, let me just say how STUPID some people are for thinking that people who like geno have CLEARLY never played super mario rpg because if they did, they WOULDN’T like geno because THEY THEMSELVES DON’T. they often like to compare sales and say that smrpg was a ‘flop’ that few people liked, on top of the fact that their opinions make them so blinded by bias that they can’t fathom other takes.
let me break down how fucking brain-dead this take is and why it makes me want to get these dumbasses brain transplants, STAT. put them on the front of the brain transplant waiting list, because they DESPERATELY need them.
first of fucking all, bitch, your experience with smrpg is not everyone else’s. just because someone’s favorite character is geno DOES NOT MEAN THEY DIDN’T PLAY THE GAME. there are so many other lovable characters in smrpg (mallow, jonathan jones, booster, valentina, smithy, jinx, etc), but if someone’s favorite is geno, they SURELY don’t know the other characters and OBVIOUSLY never played the game. LOL SMRPG PLAYS THE GAME FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME HAHA
you know another reason why people make this shit up? because of geno mostly being known for being a smash request. i do agree that this does blow, as i wish people would stop associating geno ONLY with smash and let smrpg fans just appreciate him and his game as a whole, but GOOD FUCKING GOD. guess what? a lot of people heard about geno and therefore smrpg BECAUSE OF THAT. guess what happens when people hear of a game and fall in love with a monumental character from that game? they might, you know... play the game?
B-BUT THE GAME IS SO HARD TO GET! YOU CAN ONLY GET IT ON MODERN SYSTEMS IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE FEW TO OWN A WII U OR AN SNES CLASSIC.
sit your pure christian brainlet ass DOWN, karen, because you underestimate the rampant piracy when it comes to nintendo games. i know that people doing something that may be harmful to your pwecious favowite cowpowation is enough to make you clutch your doterra essential oils or your unwashed dick, but it’s a thing! wow! especially with games like earthbound, super mario rpg, and chrono trigger, snes emulation is extremely common. it’s how most people get to play these games nowadays because of nintendo’s own failure to provide alternate means of play through legal methods. it’s how i got to play super mario rpg all those years ago! through an emulator! yes, i’m a filthy fucking pirate! yo ho ho, bitch, try some fucking grog and sing a fucking shanty with me, because we’re going plundering for nintendo’s tasty treasures.
you know what that means, by the way? the sales for smrpg on the snes DO NOT COUNT AS THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE PLAYED THE GAME. WOW, FUCKING SHOCKING, RIGHT? HOW ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO GOT IT ON VC? THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SNES CLASSICS? THE PEOPLE WHO PIRATED THE GAME? THERE ARE A BUNCH OF THEM. YOU ACTUAL BUFFOONS. HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT. ARE YOU LIVING THAT FAR INTO YOUR INFESTED UNWASHED ASS THAT U CAN’T REALIZE THAT. LMAOOOOO HOW IS UR IQ GOING BEING IN THE SINGLE DIGITS
oh, but none of that matters, right? people who like geno still never played the game because i said so, therefore they deserve to have people going out of their way to their smrpg fan content, to their social media, and to FUCKING DOXXING PEOPLE because they like a video game character!! death threats? wanting to literally smother, gas, or set fire to people who have a preference for a non-problematic video game character? TOTALLY OKAY! if it was just about morons being morons, i wouldn’t even be this hateful and spiteful, but it’s gone so above and beyond that to the point that these people deserve nothing but having their asscheeks devoured by their local alaskan bullworm. go back to snorting your own fecal matter and getting high off of your own farts, you filthy neckbeards. maybe your lives are the ones who should be re-evaluated as being ‘wastes of oxygen’ if you’re making death threats OVER A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER.
this is why i hate the smash fan base. no, i don’t hate smash fans, obviously. i’m in the rpc and i know a lot of smash fans. i love them dearly. however, the general fan base is a toxic wasteland and a lot of this behavior is either overlooked or normalized. this is the same fan base that allowed grooming of minors to run rampant for so long, after all. this is the same fan base full of mouth-breathers who want nasty art of underage smash fighters and make it by the tons. it’s the same one full of some of the horniest, pathetic turbo-incels i’ve ever seen. the fact that i hate the smash fan base more than HOMESTUCK’S should speak volumes. it’s REVOLTING. leave me the fuck alone, i’m a mario rpg fan and not a part of your fucking fan base. i want nothing to do with y’all, so stop seeking me out just to cry and moan because i like a video game character you don’t like. you fucking freaks.
#★ ; ( ooc. )#ghostbustingreen#negative //#swearing //#violence //#death mention //#general just. rage. pure and unbridled rage.#i feel great now that i let it out tho.#this has been sitting on me and i haven't rly#let LOOSE a proper very angry rant#now that i have i feel like a million bucks#but seriously this gets rly nasty guys. be warned.#i get REALLY really angry here.
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