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emberglowfox · 1 year

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an analysis of journal entries #1-8 written by professor sada/turo

in which i continue to be absolutely bonkers over the professors and attempt to analyze all eight journal entries for fun. this is gonna get long, so it’s going under a cut. all journal entries are from pokemon scarlet, since that’s the game i have and i went through and transcribed them myself. i assume they’re mostly the same between games.

Journal #1: “We’ve determined that this energy crystallization is linked to the being we call █ █ █ █ █ █. The interlocking hexagonal plates that comprise █ █ █ █ █ █’s shell must somehow cause this phenomenon— which I’ve dubbed “Terastallizing”.

This entry is more or less just world lore. I really wish this got expanded on-- we only know tiny bits and pieces of information about the mysterious entity responsible for Terastallization. Really hoping for this story point to get continued in the DLC, I think it’s fascinating.

The fact that Sada/Turo specifically is the one to call it Terastallizing is interesting as well. Really gives you insight into just how prominent they are in their field if they get to be responsible for naming something so monumental.

Journal #2: “Thanks to my prototype Tera Orb, I secured corporate funding for my research and made a laboratory in the lighthouse near Cabo Poco. Someday, though, I’ll return to the crater and resume my study of these crystals.”

This is clearly very early in Sada/Turo’s spiral into their fixation with their work. As it says, at this point in time is when they make their first breakthrough in the field of Terastal energy. Though they secure funding, it does force them to leave the crater for a time, during which they’re focused presumably on developing the Tera Orb from its initial prototype into the widely-used version we see and use in the game. This, clearly, does not entirely distract their focus from Area Zero, as even shortly after leaving it they’re already thinking about returning.

Journal #3: “At last I can resume work on the Tera Project! I’ll move my research to the Zero Lab this month. My team will be smaller, but no matter. The strong influence of the crystals makes our experiments much more unstable.”

At this point, Sada/Turo has presumably perfected the Tera Orb and has returned to general research on the crystals down in Area Zero. The use of ‘experiments’ and ‘instability’ makes me think that this is where Sada/Turo leaned away from the crystals’ effects on Pokemon and more into its effects on enhancing technology.

Journal #4: “The crystal’s power is tremendous! Their unstable output made our corporate backers fret, but… If we can harness this energy, it will open up research possibilities we’d only dreamed of. At last, paradise will be ours to create.”

Between entry #3 and #4, Sada/Turo has clearly conducted much research on the power of the crystals and realized their potential. The ‘research possibility only dreamed of’ is clearly the time machine/act of bringing past/future pokemon to the present, as shown by the following line, ‘paradise will be ours to create’. Here, Sada/Turo is realizing the fantasy they’ve nurtured since childhood might actually be possible, and it begins their descent into full-on obsession.

And, really-- I get it. Imagine being obsessed with, say, dragons since you were a child, only to discover through research years later that there’s a serious chance you could bring them to life and make them real. For someone as fascinated with the Scarlet/Violet book as Sada/Turo, it’s really no surprise they threw everything they had into creating a functioning time machine as soon as the possibility became feasible.

Also, this is a marked shift in the scope of possibility of Sada/Turo’s research. Before, there were certainly limits and uncertainties. Now, due to the power the crystals have over machinery, basically anything is possible. Think that might give you a bit of a god complex?

Journal #5: “Our time machine has yielded a triumph— a Pokemon from the ancient past! I’ve named it Koraidon. I was expecting one new life to treasure, but what fortune to be blessed with this gift as well!”

Here, the time machine isn’t just real-- it’s functioning. I presume a lot of time has passed between entry #4 and entry #5, since regardless of feasibility, you don’t just figure out how to make a functional time machine overnight. The piles of notes and whiteboard equations in the Zero Lab are a testament to that. Regardless, Sada/Turo’s intuition has proved correct, and their dream has been realized. Literally anything is on the table now. There are no limits to what they can achieve at the rate they’re hurtling forward at. As I’ve emphasized before, that’s gotta do something to your psyche.

Also in this entry is our first mention of Arven, the ‘life to treasure’ that Sada/Turo had been expecting. This is the reason I noted the passage of time between entries #4 and #5-- presumably, due to passion and obsession, Turo/Sada has been working on the time machine this whole time. So, something happened fairly recently (in the grand scope of things) to cause Arven’s mother to be pregnant with him.

I have two theories, accordingly. The first is that Arven’s other parent was someone the professor met while they were working in the lab at Cabo Poco, before they returned to Area Zero, and that Arven’s mother was undergoing her pregnancy during the period of research on the Time Machine. The second is that Arven’s other parent might actually have been a fellow researcher working with them in Area Zero, though this one I’m less sure of, since I have difficulty picturing someone as focused as Sada/Turo taking time off to engage in... you know, especially with a fellow researcher. Then again, horniness is a hell of a drug, so who knows?

(EDIT: I wrote the paragraph above assuming that the professor was spending all their time at the Zero Lab, when Arven’s dialogue actually tells us that there was a period in which they lived at the lighthouse and commuted. This might have been the situation before Arven was born, or it might have come as a result of his birth, I’m not sure. Leaning towards the latter.)

What this does tell us is that Koraidon/Miraidon was summoned when Arven was fairly young. This makes sense, since Arven has lines about feeling like Koraidon/Miraidon ‘stole his childhood’, as his mom/dad was so focused and fascinated with a living, present, ancient/futuristic pokemon that they weren’t attentive to his needs, and eventually chose to return to Area Zero with Koraidon/Miraidon permanently instead of staying with him.

Journal #6: “I’ve successfully brought more and more ancient Pokemon to our time since the first one. I’m so close to creating a world like the one in the book— a paradise where we three can live happily together forever. I must make it real.”

One thing I’d like to focus on in this entry is the shift from we to I. In previous entries, Sada/Turo describes all of their work as ‘ours’, such as our time machine. Here, that’s no longer the case. Presumably, something happened between entry #5 and #6 that lost Sada her fellow researchers. Perhaps they saw how dangerous Koraidon was or were scared of the implications of the functioning time machine? Or did it have potentially something to do with a relationship with a coworker that led to Arven’s existence? Either way, from here on out, Sada/Turo is alone in the Zero Lab with her work. And regardless of their isolation, they’re continuing with their research, and succeeding.

Sada/Turo has also likely been projecting their obsession with their idea of ‘paradise’ onto Arven and, now, Koraidon (who i presume to be the third of ‘we three’). She’s convinced herself she’s doing it for all their sakes, when in reality it’s the last thing Arven-- and possibly the weaker Koraidon-- wants. This is a bit devastating, since it’s a clear example of where love and obsession cross and get muddied. Sada/Turo isn’t thinking straight. They love Arven, that much is clear, but they’re not acting like it. They’re too caught up in what they’ve been doing for, by now, a very long time. It likely feels too late to quit, if the thought has even crossed their mind (which I somewhat doubt).

Journal #7: “I need more people. More time. That man walked out not long after the boy was born. I need another set of hands, but could they be trusted? And how long would it take them to even understand? If only there were two of me.”

This entry emphasizes one of my previous points. Sada/Turo is now dealing with the fallout of being alone in the Zero Lab and is struggling to keep up their previous level of productivity. Even more curious is the line ‘but could they be trusted’? Something clearly went wrong between Sada/Turo and their coworkers, because now they’re hesitant to trust anyone with their research. ‘And how long would it take them to even understand?’ makes me suspect that Sada/Turo’s co-researchers lack of zeal meant they weren’t as blinded to the potential repercussions of yoinking pokemon from other points on the timeline, and that this led to a rift between them and Sada/Turo and, eventually, their departure.

Somewhat of an aside, but while looking through the Zero Lab for any entries I might have missed, I came across the note about the Poke Ball locking system. Obviously this is mainly intended as a game mechanic to force you to battle with Koraidon/Miraidon, but from a meta perspective its fascinating. Sada/Turo didn’t just not trust anyone else-- they legitimately expected someone to come and sabotage their research. And it’s confirmed to not be wild pokemon they were afraid of, since the Poke Ball Locking System literally targets trainers carrying pokemon. Sada/Turo was worried about people. Just how bad was their fallout with their fellow researchers?

The line ‘that man walked out not long after the boy was born’ feels at a glance just thrown in to explain the absence of Arven’s other parent, but for me, it just compounds the trust issues that Sada/Turo was surely developing as a result of everything that had happened. And it definitely does not do good things to your brain to feel like the literal only person in the world you can trust is yourself.

Journal #8: “My new assistant has intellect and technical skills to rival my own. A bit rigid at times, but I’ve got no serious complaints. Productivity has doubled. We even brought in a second Koraidon via the machine— though this one had proved aggressive.

Here is the first mention of AI Sada/Turo, which Sada/Turo presumably constructed completely by themself (if you were doubting how much of a genius they were). The line ‘a bit rigid at times’, is, in my opinion, extremely noteworthy. I’m going to get into conjecture here a little bit, but that comment makes me think that Sada/Turo would prefer someone who wasn’t rigid-- i.e., someone they could connect with on an emotional level. The loneliness and isolation is getting to them, and it isn’t good.

But Sada/Turo chooses instead to focus on the productivity of things. They’ve brought in a second Koraidon/Miraidon! Things are going great. Their mental health has not deteriorated at alllll.

That’s the last journal entry, which I assume is because not long after it came the Koraidon/Miraidon fight in which they were ultimately killed trying to protect their research, the weaker Koraidon/Miraidon. There’s something to be said about Sada/Turo still underestimating the power of the pokemon they’ve summoned to the present, even after all their research, and how it connects with how they just didn’t seem to get the potential ecological damage of what they were doing. Their brilliance made them blind at multiple crucial moments, and it led to them making a mess of their personal lives, relationships, mental health, and ultimately caused their demise.

These fuckers are fascinating to me, can you tell?

#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon sv spoilers #professor turo #professor sada #if i missed/forgot everything feel free to tell me! i don't remember all of arven's dialogue on the matter so stuff might be skewed #psv #long post #sparks speaks #meta

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gotbamb00zled · 6 months

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how I got into IT with "zero" experience

Someone in one of my discords was wondering why people say things like "here's how I become a web developer with no experience." I wanted to rant about it, but Discord did not like how verbose I got. This is my story of how I was surprised to get into IT with having (almost no professional) experience. in my case, I wallowing in covid depression, but I got a CompTIA A+ cert because I wanted to get into cybersecurity. I studied for maybe 1-2 months but could have done it faster. Getting the cert was easy for me but I've been using Windows since the early 90s.

I was taking some online courses from TCM (Cyber Mentor Academy). Great resource for affordable education. Anyway, I saw listings for IT support jobs. One was a company where you give over the phone support to repairmen for those filtered water dispensers you see in offices…one was IT support for healthcare providers…

The dispenser support interview was first. I didn't perform well at the interview, but they seemed desperate to hire someone so they offered me the job despite my clear lack of enthusiasm for what they do. Then, after a phone interview with the healthcare place, I got offered that job. The water job was horrible pay and not full time. The healthcare job was I think $16/hr. Sounded stressful.

I was shocked when I got home and saw a contractor for Sandia Labs IT support wanted to Zoom call interview me. We did the interview maybe the next day. I didn't feel like I was doing that well in the interview but they seemed interested and we got along well. Toward the end, they paused for a bit and seemed to be chatting to each other via DMs. They sounded like they were gonna say "Well…we still have more people to interview" but instead they said "Well…I think you'd be a good fit."

The pay was triple what I made at my last job, plus extra for a health savings account. Had benefits, dental, vision, $300/year you could spend on any type of fitness gear or gym memberships and it would be reimbursed. Other benefits on top of that. Every supervisor there was supportive and working to get us promoted to a position working directly inside Sandia rather than being stuck as a contractor. We were all in the process of getting security clearances which opens tons of doors especially for cybersecurity.

Long story but I ended up quitting that job for various reasons. But I'm still amazed they gave me a chance…amazed that just studying for a month or so and getting one cert led to them giving me a 2nd chance after 2-3 years with no jobs on my resume.

I realize I'm a white seemingly cisgender male and because of that, I have an easier time of navigating the chaos life than most do. Sure, bipolar still throws me off quite a bit, but I was convinced they would never hire me for that Sandia job. Convinced I'd have to go work at some call center or grocery store again making $9 an hour and having constant back and shoulder pain from all the phsyical labor.

Seek out free or affordable education. Not sure if this is still true, but TechHire used to cover tuition for the Deep Dive Coding bootcamps that CNM offers. And there's Cultivate Coders still…? Not 100% sure if they're still around. But the resources are out there on YouTube or sites like gamedev.tv or GameDevHQ or Udemy.

Pursue what stimulates you intellectually. That might be music for one person and UI coding for another. Don't let your parents or your game dev idols convince you you're not going down a viable path. Do you think people thought Tim Schafer taking a risk and founding Double Fine was "viable"? Was John Carmack and George Romero quitting their lucrative day jobs to make Doom "a smart move"? No. But Carmack and Romero knew they could achieve their goals and they took that risk.

Sometimes, those risks in game dev don't pay off. Maybe funding falls through or a publisher backs out on a deal. Maybe the cost of living increase to move to another city and work at that studio makes it unrealistic. But covid changed how we think about work-life balance. My brother went from having to drive 1 hour to work and 1 hour back every day in LA before and during covid to mostly working from home.

Again, I'm not trying to sound like I'm humble bragging.

I'm 34…I live with my parents…I'm on disability…let's just say I have to pull up my bank app and double check I have enough money to cover a purchase more than I'd like.

But so what? I'm going to orientation to volunteer at a local nonrprofit helping the homeless find housing and jobs tomorrow. Sure, there will be no pay. But I'll wake up ready to help people find stability in their life and take the bus home glad I was able to help.

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elmore50nymann · 2 years

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10 Steps to Starting a tiny Business

Perhaps most likely fed up with the on the lookout for to 5 grind or you're merely looking for a change in a person life, starting your own small business may be rewarding and profitable. But , right now there is some intending to do and a few questions to asked prior to you start. The following 10 steps to starting a small business have been compiled based on my experience after having started 3 successful businesses of which are currently undertaking very well. a single. Be sure to do anything you love. Starting a business for the sole purpose of making cash or avoiding the particular work force is a bad strategy. Unless you're truly in love along with the products or even services you happen to be creating you are going to are unsuccessful. Few people know this. Think involving it this method; if obstacles acquire in your approach, that they can always carry out, only your love, purpose and really like of what a person do will get over any and just about all obstacles. 2 . not No longer quit your job merely yet. Most small businesses proprietors make the fault of quitting their own jobs prior to cash starts to rotate and that's why 85% of tiny businesses fail inside their first year of business - simply because they run out of money. Most little businesses can be started in your free time then, any time the money starts to come, you may quit your task - not just before. 3. Plan the particular work and work the plan. Sounds basic familiar but a proper formulated program using a clear end result would be the keys to success. Most people start an enterprise without first putting to paper an obvious plan of delivery. Download an organization plan template coming from the internet plus study it. When you're ready with a general plan, comprehensive the full business plan. 4. Trial and error may well be popular but it's a waste of resources. Certain mistakes great mainly because you learn exactly what not to do. But, what if an individual could learn coming from the mistakes associated with others before making all of them yourself? Wouldn't that make more impression? The quickest approach to get where if you're going is to be able to gonna someone who is already got just what you want and have them exactly how they got that. If they desire to charge you intended for the information instructions pay it! a few. Marketing is crucial. Based on my encounter please don't invest a lot of your time formulating your products or services. Spend most involving your time and energy selling it first, then as soon as you've sold it, you will need more resources to be able to develop your merchandise. Give the customer what they need, not whatever you think they want. a few. Hi-energy is the particular key. Did you ever hear the expression, "how you do anything is how you do everything? inches If you include a poor degree of energy for almost all stuff that you perform then your company will fail. You should raise your energy level to 100% is to do things along with all the beneficial energy you can easily muster. 7. Target on what's going right - not on what needs fixing. If an individual focus on fixing difficulties you'll get even more problems. If you concentrate on the points that are operating you'll get more regarding the same. Legislation of attraction is surely an irrefutable law in the universe; use this to your benefit. 8. Aid other get exactly what they want 1st. If you are generally in business for personal gain only a person will fail rapidly. If, on typically the other hand, your own business helps some sort of great many people get what that they want then an individual will succeed the hundred times a lot more than they will. being unfaithful. get more info . You need to always pay out yourself first just before anything else. Reserve money for you first and an individual will quickly recognize that money will often be there. When you forget in order to do this or wait around 'till there's funds, people never be anything. 10. Fantasy big. Nothing huge ever got produced with a tiny concept. Have a very clear picture in your own head from the result you want to be able to produce and an individual will get there. Detach from what you belief are the failures and you will probably get there actually faster. I desire you've enjoyed these types of 10 procedure for beginning a small organization. Naturally there are generally many others but these are in my view the most crucial and need to be carefully considered before you commence anything.

#Financial Advisor Outlines #click here #more info #here #read more #website #get more info #check here

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badbitchfiles · 2 years

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A Repeating Cycle

I'm four weeks into a twelve week layoff from my job and so far it is NOT going how i wanted it to. I have plans to return to work a completely different person mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Instead I'm burnt out, mentally tired & financially barely treading water. Ny diet is trash, I'm unorganized, constantly doomscrolling on my phone and I have no self care and wellness routines.

Then yesterday I suddenly remembered; I felt a similar way last summer too! I'm repeating the cycle because there's a change(s) that needs to be made that i didnt make last year.

So here's what I'm gonna do to get myself back in order:

Meditate Daily

Set my phone to the "slow mornings" mode I created which blocks every app except emergency apps & my meditation app so I won't be tempted to scroll on social media first thing in the morning.

Create To-Do Lists

Organization and time management has always been a struggle for me and between work, running a business and trying to live a full life, floating directionlessly through my days and weeks no longer works; it's a recipe for overwhelm and inaction due to decision fatigue. I'm creating a day planner for my business, but until the design is finalized and I have the printed copy in my hands, to-do lists in my notes app will ease me into the habit of keeping my tasks organized

Journaling

I haven't written in my journal in months and all those thoughts are just swimming around in my head, clouding everything up. I'll be getting back into the habit of clearing my head via journaling as a part of my nighttime routine.

Cook Meals

Now that I don't have to be up at 5am, I have more time in my mornings before my obligations begin. I want to spend this time slowly and intentionally; taking time to cook myself a good breakfast, prepping a fancy cup of coffee (complete with cold foam and caramel swirls on the glass), etc. I'd like to spend this time off of my phone as well.

More Veggies

My diet has been shit lately due to my mental health & money situation and it's starting to affect me in terms of my energy & focus levels. I do try to prioritize having at least one veggie in my dinner (since, when I'm working my regular job, that's normally the only meal I really sit and eat) but now that I have more time, I really want to get in as many nutrients as I can. Yeah I know I can take vitamins & supplements but I'd rather get everything from the source, you know?

Go tf to BED

I've always been a night owl; staying up until 2, 3 or even 4 am is nothing new to me. However my job changed that (that first week I worked back in 2020 was a struggle) and now my circadian rhythm has shifted so I naturally wake up at about 730-8 am and am ready for bed at 10/11pm. But since I've been off I've regressed, I'm now back to going to bed at 4 am (it's 340am as I type this on my phone) and waking up at almost noon. I'm losing so many potentially productive hours to catching up on sleep because I finally cut my phone off as the sun was coming up. I could get so much more done by waking up at 8am, before I have to be an unpaid cabbie to the people in my house.

Get My Money Together

I got shit to do this summer (and after). I have things I want to experience and places I need to be. I'm tryna be outside (mindfully and intentionally). My credit score needs to be back in the mid 700s. I need $4,000 limits on my credit cards (to start). I need to have my emergency fund and my bills account stacked up. I am done being stressed and anxious about money and I am NOT going back. I'm working on my scarcity and lack mindsets surrounding money and I'm working on building different streams of income; I have my regular job (and hopefully a higher paying one soon), my side hustle, my business and my lifestyle blog (who aren't currently turning a profit but they will be soon). I'm building my emergency fund and I'll be returning to investing soon. I'm not exactly sure of the full picture of how my finances are going to expand but I'm working on focusing on what I can do down here and leaving the test to a higher power; they'll show me when it's time 🙌🏾

Get Back in the Gym

The gym was AMAZING for my mental health (and the physical changes were incredible as well) but the location was so inconvenient for me once went back to work. I was eyeing one that was around the corner from my job but now I have no reason to to anywhere near that side of town. Unfortunately, this piece will probably have to wait until the end of August when I go back to work but I'm so looking forward to it!

Self Care

Listen, I'm a Libra rising; my whole life falls apart when I'm not spoiling & indulging myself 😌❤️😂

I spend $8 damn near every time I go to the grocery store because I want chocolate cheesecake and i will not be depriving myself of it. I'm talking skincare, keeping my nails done, lashes done, hair done, spa treatments, creating little moments of joy and luxury and peace for myself because this world is heavy and I'm about to make my little piece of existence AMAZING

I saw something on tiktok earlier today & the girl said she created a pinterest vision board for the character she's embodying. I'll be doing the same.

I'm so very excited yo spend these next 8 weeks completely reworking myself. I know it won't be easy breaking out of my comfort zone in such ways but I know the changes will be so worth it

Stay Tuned ✌🏾❤️

#bad bitch files #getting my life together

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copperbadge · 3 years

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How did you get started with investing? I've seen you talk about it before and I know that's something I need to do, but I feel so lost in terms of which companies to invest in and how much money I should put in. I have retirement accounts but nothing outside of that. And really, I feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because I'm too embarrassed - I'm literally a CPA and do corporate taxes for a living but still find investing to be so intimidating 😞.

I mean, when people say "you should be investing" often, until you reach a certain wealth level, they are actually referring to your 401K. This is more general advice for the readers, but don't feel bad if you're not investing outside of retirement, especially if you're early in your career or if you're in a job where you don't have much disposable income. Don't feel bad in general, honestly, even if you haven't got a retirement fund at all; life is hard and money is necessary but stupid.

I only really started to invest invest in the last two years and even then I'm pretty conservative about it. On the plus, as a CPA, you will probably have a leg up in terms of knowing a lot of financial terms and kind of...understanding how money works in at least some sense.

I actually got started studying investing with my retirement fund. I was young and broke and mad that a chunk of my paycheck was going into my 401K when I could use that money NOW (see Sam Vimes Boots Theory for more on why ready cash now can often beat more cash later). I didn't know much about finance but I knew that a) I was basically being forced to play the financial markets with that money and b) the fate of our country's economy is tied to the stock market which is a mood ring hooked up to a roulette wheel. Being the Oldest Living Millennial I also understood I might not actually ever get to retire, so I decided to treat my retirement fund like Monopoly money: real but meaningless. And so I thought, well, let's Learn About Investing with it.

When you invest with a 401K or IRA usually you're not buying straight stocks; you're buying some conglomeration of investments bundled together as a fund (this is not a technical term, fund has a specific meaning in the technical sense, but it's easier to just use fund as a shorthand so I'm gonna). These can include stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and other more esoteric vehicles. So I started looking into the funds available to me -- there's the "retire in this year" fund that most people just dump all their money into, but there were also ways to invest in small businesses abroad, in health care or in funds that are "socially responsible", ways to buy into funds that did nothing but attempt to keep up with inflation, and on and on.

I didn't know any of that, of course -- I just saw something like "International Explorer Fund" and decided it sounded interesting and I'd learn what it was and what it did, and when I was satisfied that the reward was worth the risk, I'd dump some cash from my 2045-Retirement investment into it. While "past performance is no indication of future success" past performance isn't a bad way to at least pick something to research, and usually there's an earnings graph on the fund's prospectus page. I'd start reading prospectuses and looking up every word I didn't know or felt had a specific context I was missing (mostly on Investopedia, a GREAT resource). I'd take the term, add it to a vocabulary list, and rewrite "what is this and what does it do" in my own words. Eventually I internalized a lot of the terminology but I still check my notes once in a while.

There are financial literacy courses you can take, of course, and I don't think you should be AT ALL ashamed about trying to find a good one (lots of scams out there) or asking colleagues about them. "Hey, I'm not comfortable with my level of literacy about investment vehicles; do you know of any good educational material or class that would fill in the gaps?" is a good way to go about it. Very few people know jack shit about investing and my level of knowledge is just BARELY above jack shit, to be honest, so no shame, my friend. It is also totally fine to find a financial planner or investment advisor outside of your work and have a sit-down with them to get advice, which is what my parents do. Many banks offer that kind of service, so check with wherever you do your banking, and almost any retirement fund administrator (like Vanguard or American Funds) will be happy to send someone to meet with you and advise you. I was never prouder of my financial self-education than the one time I met with a guy from Vanguard who said, "Basically, keep doing what you're doing, this is a model portfolio."

Once I was investing in my retirement funds more confidently, I got the RobinHood app and started studying stocks, which is really just like, "find a stock and do a book report on it". Look at past earnings, who the CEO of the company is, what their board makeup is like, what they're doing in the news. And of course the most important advice: Never, ever invest money in the stock market that you aren't prepared to lose.

Aside from my stock adventures on RobinHood, which is about five hundred dollars that I turned into a thousand dollars over a couple of years, I have money in a few savings accounts. I don't have CDs or money market accounts or any of that, because I still don't have quite enough cash to make it worth it. I just parked some in a credit union that pays 6% interest on the first $1K you put in, and the rest in Betterment, which had a 2% interest rate when I started but now is down to .3% which is a bummer. But I haven't found another vehicle like Betterment which allows you equally easy access to your money while having as intuitive and modular an online interface.

So overall, aside from retirement (which is at $116K, which seems impressive until you remember you're supposed to retire with 25x your yearly salary in your 401K) I have a grand in the stock market, a grand in a 6%-interest savings account with a credit union, a grand in an emergency-only savings account attached to my checking, and roughly five grand with Betterment. It's a fairly conservative setup but I'd like never to be poor ever again, so I'm hedging carefully :D

Some great resources that I've used include:

Investopedia

Planet Money podcast by NPR and its sister podcast, The Indicator

The Financial page of the newspaper (I used to read NYT, now I read Tribune)

Rankandfiled.com, a free stock filings resource site that basically scrapes the SEC for financial data -- this is for if you really want to do a deep dive once you've got more experience

Good luck! It's a slog at first, but eventually it gets kinda fun :)

#investing #financial planning

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marigoldwitch · 3 years

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Let’s Talk About Elitism in the Witchcraft Community

It always seems to come back to this but I want to talk about witches in the community who give confusing, and often times misguided, advice to new comers in an attempt to separate themselves from the “soft” or “baby” practitioners.

I’m on witchtok (a community on an app called TikTok, in case you were unaware of what I’m talking about) alot and there’s something I noticed about the witches there; something I’m sure alot of you have noticed too. There’s 2 major groups of witches on the app. The ones who post “easy” and “simple” spells and information, and the ones who post up reactionary spells and information.

There seems to be this need for witches who feel better than or more educated (in their opinion) to posts videos in response to or in direct opposition of other witches. Usually these other witches are seen as newbies to the craft. And if they aren’t new (as in they’ve been practicing for a while) they’re considered uneducated or unwilling to learn.

The “why aren’t witches reading books anymore?” and “I think it’s them being more worried about aesthetics than actually learning.” comments are frustrating and reveals a huge disconnect and sense of privilege within our community. I’ve also seen comments / videos specifically criticizing the popularity of spell jars in recent years. The funniest thing though is that a lot of them are suggesting doing charm bags instead... as if that’s not just another form of a spell jar.. except it’s in a bag... not a jar :/ They want so badly to be “other” and “better” that they’re actually giving advice that’s basically saying “hey instead of using X container to hold your spell, have you tried using Y container instead?? If you read books and not just get your info from Tik Tok blah blah blah.” As if they’ve suggested something grand or much different than what someone is already doing.

Let’s Talk Privilege

First lets be clear that privilege doesn’t mean you haven’t had “hard times” in your life. And being privileged in one way doesn’t make you privilege in every aspect. You can have class privilege while also experiencing hardship in relation to another aspect of your life. I am white, I have white privilege. I’m also a poor high school drop out. Which means I don’t have class privilege. It’s important that I make this clear because I know some people are gonna identify in someway with one or more of the under privileged groups that I’ll be talking about and that’s normal. That doesn’t mean that you can’t also identify in someway with one or more of the privileged groups that I’ll be talking about.

Why don’t you just read more books? / Why don’t you just experiment with more tools, supplies and options like crystals, candles, herbs, tarot etc? / Why don’t you just invest in better tools and supplies?

This falls under class privilege. Not everyone can afford to spend money on these things. “Well the library is free” not everyone can afford to spend time on these things. And I know, to someone who has the money and has the time, these sound like excuses to just not work “hard enough” (which we’ll get into why this statement is ablest in a minute) but it’s legit the reality for a lot of people. Let’s also remember that public libraries in underfunded poorer communities are.. well under funded and don’t offer the same selection that a well funded library would. Also the cost of going to and from that library (or a much better one with a better selection). Personally, I live in what is known as the bible belt and my local (underfunded) library has 5 books on witchcraft. 3 are reference books and can not actually be checked out. The other 2 require a 10 dollar deposit to check out. I kid you not. You have to pay to check out those books.

I saw a comment that said “crystal grids and crystal magic is very beginner friendly and easy, why don’t more witches do this?” And I want to shake them and scream “crystals cost money you doodoo head!!” LOL.

Supplies and tools are expensive. Yes, there’s plenty of information online about how to use what you have on hand... and those same witches sharing cheap and easy alternatives to supplies and tools are also sharing cheap and easy alternatives to spells and rituals. Hence how spell jars became so popular.

“They just don’t want to put in the effort” / “They aren’t working hard enough” / “They’re just in it for the aesthetics”

This falls under ableism. 1. Expecting other witches to match your energy and effort is hella ablest and you should stop. Not only is it unrealistic to assume we’re all on the same page, it’s unhealthy to project your own expectations on to {most likely} complete strangers just because you share one interest [witchcraft] with them. 2. Some people are visual practitioners (whether they’re ND or not) and so they need to and work better with seeing what they’re doing. It’s obvious that the type of witchcraft lots of ND people use is the type that is overly criticized in our community. (ND = Neurodivergent)

Physical disability is also something to keep in mind. Not everyone is physical able to do all the things you can do. Personally I experience hand tremors. Basically using an herb bundle to do a smoke cleansing is a huge ass mess for me and is more headache than it’s worth. So I opt out of smoking cleansing that way. It doesn’t mean that I’m not trying hard enough or that I’m not putting in the effort to make it work... it means I have a disability that makes it more difficult and I’ve found other ways to do these cleanses.

Also, witches are allowed to like pretty things. Like pretty things and valuing the beauty in your practice is all perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your space, yourself or your practice to look “pretty.”

I Need To Mention Cultural Awareness

Another reason something might not make sense to you is because it isn’t for you, literally it has nothing to do with you or your practice and so you’ve chosen to put it down rather than mind your business. That’s really all I can say about this as I practice a fairly common form of folk magic and the practice, as well as the culture in which it’s derived from is open. So there’s nothing I do that’s really considered for specific cultures only. I’d rather someone else with more experience talk about this in more detail.

Misguided Information and Superiority Complex

When sharing information and experiences it’s probably better to do so without needing it to be in reaction to someone else’s information and experiences. I don’t think there is anything wrong with sharing other forms of magic or witchcraft. I think most of us want as much information to be as easily accessible for as many people as possible. The issue comes from only sharing this information and experience because you think the oppositions is/are wrong. Not because you want the help people learn. And actively putting down certain information because it was shared via social media, while also insisting that your information is the actual correct information.. while also sharing it on the same social media platform.

“Don’t believe everything you see on the internet.... except me. You can believe me.” Is what it feels like. And I think what gets to me the most is the amount of UPG that is sprinkled into a lot of the information that these “I know better” witches share. Thinking you know better or know more because you’ve been doing it longer or doing it different, doesn’t actually mean you do.

I’ve said this before: No one is sharing their entire practice online

“Why are you only doing spell jars?” why do you assume that the only time they practice witchcraft is for a video / photo that they post online?

Better yet, why are you demanding they share more than they’re comfortable with sharing? Why do you feel entitled to know everything about their practice?

Just because a witch’s Tik Tok, Instagram, Tumblr etc is only filled with pretty spell jars and aesthetic photos of teas, doesn’t mean that’s their entire practice. That’s the part they’re willing to share with the world. And even if it was their entire practice, why do you care? Why is it your business? When did they ask you to tell them what you thought of their practice?

In conclusion

Before you make that post or make that video about how X witches aren’t doing Y thing right because I did it Z way, remember we’re all different. Times change. And something being popular doesn’t mean it’s not effective or useful. Something being mainstream doesn’t make it bad or stupid. And witchcraft becoming more and more modernized doesn’t mean it’s losing it’s roots or that the next generation of witches are gonna be “sissy babies with nothing but a bunch of pretty jars.” and even if they are, it’s non of your business.

#witchblr #witches #witchcraft #witches of tumblr #witchy #magic

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gb-patch · 3 years

Text

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 1)

And we’re back with many more ask answers! Thank you for waiting.

Is lizzie/the main character tripping over a rock a random event in barbecue? or does it require certain choices? i picked the same choices in multiple different playthroughs but ended up with three different outcomes (1. nothing happens 2. liz trips 3. i trip)

Yep! It’s completely random. Just a little moment of life you don’t have control over, haha.

wait just double checking you stated that derek would be another romantic interest you can pursue in step 4 right??? im just asking cuz hes my fav character

oh wait and btw i was the one that asked the question about derek being in the step 4 just now, and will you have to pay extra for like a dlc or something bc i play the free version rn and i just wanted to check!!

Yeah, you will eventually be able to romance him, but unfortunately it is a paid DLC. Cove is the only love interest who’s entirely free-to-play. You can follow our social media for when we giveaways for a chance to win a key for it, though.

i know that y’all said the step 3 dlc and step 4 will be released early 2021, is there any update to that? for example, a rough amount of days/weeks until release? no pressure at all, i’m super excited!! <3

The Step 3 DLC will be about in maybe two-two and half months or so. Step 4, we’re not entirely sure. Maybe a few months after the Step 3. We don’t want to give set dates until we’re really close to the release since otherwise we wouldn’t be able to 100% guarantee them.

First off love the game. Second I'm a little confused on how the nsfw dlc is gonna work. Because based on some stuff you've said it sounds like a patreon only thing and others make me think it could be an itch/steam thing after the fact? Would you mind clarifying for me 😅. Also if it's a patreon only thing do you need to become one before it's released?

It’s not going to be on Steam/Itch. The actual game of Our Life is safe for teens with no adult content. Any 18+ stuff we’re releasing is separate bonus content. Right now the only for sure plan is having it available through Patreon. If there’s another hosting site that’s not Steam or Itch that’d be easier for people than Patreon we might consider uploading it there too, but nothing else is set.

If you want the bonus Moment you’d have to join once it’s already out or sometime after the release. Joining now would get you our current rewards, but wouldn’t get you future content that’s coming later.

this is probably an awkward question and i apologize, feel free not to answer, but i just wanted to address the elephant in the room....will step 4 acknowledge covid/2020 world events?? i kind of hope not bc i'd like to just exist in a fictional version of the world where things are happy in this quaint seaside town and the world isn't falling apart, but i'd understand if there are some references to it. just thought i'd ask so i can Prepare if that makes sense

Step 4 isn’t going to include Covid or even reference it. When we set Step 4 in that year we definitely didn’t know there’d be a global pandemic during it. It’s too late to move the timeframe earlier or later, but we’re not going to make Step 4 stressful for anyone because the real world became so much more stressful. The universe of Our Life will just be an even more idealized place than it was before.

hiiiii! i'm really sorry if this is a bother. i was just curious if cove has a canon setting for each step, like is it canon that he stays candid the whole game and is super sporty for instance and the rest are variations? thank you for your time!

None of those settings are canon. They’re all equally valid.

I love the game and Cove so much that I ended up spending most of the holidays playing it. Definitely worth it! Idk if you're taking suggestions/criticisms, but I chose the peach skin tone and seeing it written as "my peach skin" in the game broke immersion for me because I kept thinking it was referring to the fruit instead of my skin color. I think that skin color is most commonly referred to as "fair" but "peachy" or "rosy" would work too if you're looking for a different word

Thank you for sharing your experience. We’ll change it to “peachy” in the next update!

So I accidentally overwrote a save file with a different one, is there any way I can recover that save?

Sadly, there isn’t. Not unless you had a backup of the actual save file files in a separate location you can get. I’m really sorry. You can try using the skip feature to quickly speed through the game and get back to where you were though.

Do you try to maintain the color scheme for the clothing throughout the years in Our Life?

Yes, though in hindsight not as much as I wished I did, haha. It could’ve been a little more cohesive. It was a bit too broad in my opinion.

I noticed that Cliff mentions he wasn’t much older than Cove before finding out he was going to be a father when he finds MC in bed with Cove during Part 3 so doesn’t that Cliff and Kyra were teenage/young parents?

Yeah, Cliff was nineteen and Kyra was eighteen when Cove was born. They were just a couple of kids.

Does Cove have a favourite holiday?

It changes depending on the year. Around Step 1 he’s not a huge fan of a lot of holidays because he’s not together with his whole family for them. But once he’s older and Kyra comes around more, he starts appreciating major family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas more than other holidays because he knows how it feels not to have that. Though summer vacation is of course his most favorite all the time, if that counts as a “holiday”.

I tried to join your patreon but I can’t seem to? The website keeps saying something went wrong and to try again.

I’m sorry you’re having trouble! I think contacting Patreon support would probably be the best option if the joining process itself is having issues.

How much is it to become a part of your Patreon? I don’t have a lot of money currently but would love to help you out more than just buying the games and dlcs.

Aw, I appreciate you wanting to support but the Patreon is really optional. You don’t need to push yourself to join if you don’t have extra funds for it. To still answer the question, the tiers are $1, $5, $10, $15, and $20 in USD. Each come with different perks.

I had this idea for a future daughter for the MC and Cove being named "Poppy", after the flowers on their hill~

That’s a really sweet idea! I’m sure Cove would be a fan.

So if you don't mind me asking, how do you get Cove to propose to you in Step 4 and not the other way around?

I’m afraid that’d be too big of a spoiler to give away before the epilogue’s release, at least in terms of specifics. Generally you’ll just have to be patient and try not to propose first, haha.

will we get to move in with cove in step 4 😮?? or is that a secret

You can be living together with Cove in Step 4! Though you wouldn’t get to see the place itself. That’s up to your imagination.

Is it bad that I'm completely in love with Cove's dad... What I gotta pay to romance Cliff 😭 (I don't mean as Jamie because that would be wack)

That’ll cost one million 20 twenty dollar bills, haha. I’m really glad you like him, though sadly we aren’t able to make a separate game where you can romance Cliff. I wish we had enough time to make tons of new scenes/extra stories in the Our Life world, but it just takes too long. Maybe people will make fanworks about it.

—–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #ourlifeba #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

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anothersievefistedfind · 3 years

Photo

Fugazi, Mass Art Gymnasium, Boston, MA USA 4/19/2002 - photo © by Edwina Hay

Fugazi, Mass Art Gymnasium, Boston, MA USA 4/19/2002 (FLS #1029) & 4/20/2002 (FLS #1030)

Not having played in Boston proper for 11 years (i.e. since their one-off show at the Channel on March 17, 1991) due to the lack of promoters willing to do shows in larger venues for low ticket prices and the city suddenly ruling all ages shows illegal, Fugazi would finally return to play two consecutive nights at the Mass Art Gymnasium (MassArt), “[f]ounded in 1873, [...] one of the nation’s oldest art schools, the only publicly funded free-standing art school in the United States, and [...] the first art college in the United States to grant an artistic degree” (via).

Moreover, and according to the MassArt website, it is “a place with wide reach, where the hardest, most important, and most rewarding work of [their] students, staff, and affiliates, is to keep [their] eyes open [!] and continue expanding [their] vision.” In other words, a place most suitable to host a couple of Fugazi shows and have some 1500 enthusiasts share in the experience each night.

Interestingly, these shows in Boston played out while Washington D.C. was preparing for another round of large-scale protests on April 20th. According to an April 14, 2002 article “D.C. Protest Organizers Take On New Cause” by Manny Fern and ez published in the Washington Post,

“Those opposed to global capitalism and the U.S. policies that support it, others who have decried the war in Afghanistan and activists who objected to widespread arrests of Muslims in the United States have joined pro-Palestinian groups to march for a common cause.”

In their lengthy follow-up article, “Demonstrators Rally to Palestinian Cause”, published on April 21, 2002 in the Washington Post, the authors provide some more details as to how these events unfolded,

“Tens of thousands converged on downtown Washington yesterday to demonstrate for a variety of causes, but it was the numbers and passion of busloads of Arab Americans and their supporters that dominated the streets.

Eager to make their presence felt and their voices heard in the nation's capital as never before, Arab and Muslim families marched and chanted for an end to U.S. military aid to Israel, overwhelming the messages of those with other causes in a peaceful day of downtown rallies and marches.”

Considering the nature and backdrop of these events, it only makes sense that the demonstrations run like a thread through both Fugazi shows in Boston. Leading into the song Argument on the first night, Ian gives a lengthy address touching on the causes of the demonstrations, his concerns and doubts in relation to the media coverage and on the band playing shows in Boston instead of standing with the demonstrators in Washington D.C., concluding that “[t]he fact of the matter is that, wherever you are, in the world, if you disagree with war, then you should be protesting every day, no matter where you are, so right now, this is the beginning of the protest.”

The recording of the first night documents a collection of songs that are performed very well for the most part and blend nicely together, with some cool extras, cf. the vocals catching some nice reverb on Oh, a memorable version of Ex-Spectator, Guy’s “public housing” rap into Dear Justice Letter, a cool double shot of Joe with The Kill / By You combo, or a rare 2002 live appearance of Bad Mouth.

However, there are a couple of reasons that will probably keep me from revisiting this one anytime soon. My main gripe is that the recording is incomplete. The introduction is missing as well as the actual last three songs of the set, i.e. Arpeggiator, Sweet and Low and Repeater. Guy’s vocals are low in the mix on Sieve-Fisted Find and kind of get stuck in the left channel for most of the recording. Also, the recording skips a couple of times during Cashout.

And so my preference lies with the recording of the second night, which fortunately is complete and better sounding overall, even though Brendan’s snare drum comes off a bit harsh the first couple of songs. This one too has a nice flow to it and documents a really good performance (never mind the guitar soloing towards the end of Strangelight is a bit off).

My highlights here include a nice little midsection with 4 early songs which provide Guy with ample opportunity to lay down his guitar and go off, rare 2002 live versions of Song #1 and Last Chance for a Slow Dance (this one’s a beauty), another nice double dose of Joe by way of Recap Modotti / By You played back-to-back, and last but definitely not least, more remarks by Ian about protests “to celebrate the idea that not the entire country is insane, there are some people who are sane” as an introduction to an outstanding rendering of KYEO which has Ian catering some more to the issues of the day:

“Important bulletin, we have from unconfirmed sources, an alleged plot to possibly blow up five streets in an unnamed city, somewhere in this country, we can’t say it’s gonna happen, but we can’t say it’s not gonna happen, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t walk on the street, we actually don’t know what it means, we just want you to be scared...”

The troops are quiet tonight, But it's not alright, Because we know they're planning something. Don't you know things have settled down,

Down, down but silence is a dangerous sound,

”Because when you’re scared, you’re off-balance, and when you’re off-balance, you can’t reason, when you can’t reason it’s very hard to recognize that something is being done in your name that you would not like to have been done, or you would not like people to do, so get on-balance, don’t be scared...”

The troops are quiet tonight, But it's not alright, Because we know they're planning something. Don't you know things have settled down,

Down, down but SILENCE is a dangerous sound,

We must, we must, We must keep our eyes open, See what we see, What once was promised now will be. Still uncertain? Get off that hang, Don't wait for the bang, The tools, They will be swinging, But we will not be beaten down.

Note that videos of both performances circulate on YouTube (see below). These have been synched-up with the recordings presented here, with permission of the band. On an interesting side note, and according to Ian, “ryanne hodson, who is credited with the video editing was responsible for uploading hundreds of the FLS shows on the site. she’s been a real friend and booster to the project.”

Ironically, the footage of the first show is pretty much complete (contrary to the incomplete audio recording) while the footage of the second show is missing about 30 minutes of the performance (contrary to the complete audio recording).

The set lists:

April 19, 2002 (incomplete):

1. Break 2. Sieve-Fisted Find 3. Reclamation 4. Oh 5. Ex-Spectator 6. Interlude 1 7. Dear Justice Letter 8. Interlude 2 9. Stacks 10. The Kill 11. By You 12. Interlude 3 13. Forensic Scene 14. Cashout 15. Nightshop 16. Bad Mouth 17. Break-In 18. Interlude 4 19. Furniture 20. Blueprint 21. Encore 22. Argument 23. Full Disclosure 24. Long Division 25. No Surprise

April 20, 2002 (complete):

1. Intro 2. Number 5 3. Facet Squared 4. Rend It 5. Interlude 1 6. Birthday Pony 7. Oh 8. Styrofoam 9. Life and Limb 10. Closed Captioned 11. Public Witness Program 12. Five Corporations 13. Strangelight 14. Break 15. Burning 16. Song #1 17. Interlude 2 18. Give Me The Cure 19. Waiting Room 20. Recap Modotti 21. By You 22. Last Chance for a Slow Dance 23. Epic Problem 24. Encore 1 25. Cashout 26. Interlude 3 27. Full Disclosure 28. Interlude 4 29. KYEO 30. Outro

#FLS2002 #fugazi #fugazi live series #dischord #mass art gymnasium #boston #massachusetts #MA #KYEO #ryanne hodson

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deniigi · 3 years

Note

Hi Dr. Matt! I absolutely adore all your verses, they are beautifully written and comforting in a very real-life way. I am here to seek academic wisdom however! I am an undergrad who hopes to apply to grad school next year. I feel kind of behind in academia tho. What are your top suggestions to try and accomplish in undergrad to get into a good graduate program? I have a high GPA but my school is kind of lacking on the research front. I am first gen college in my family and kinda struggling :^)

Hi Anon!

1) No need to feel behind in Academia. We have a toxic culture that already makes everyone feel behind enough as it is ❤ If I could give any potential grad student one piece of advice it would be not to partake in that sort of grind/perpetually-catching-up culture.

2) these are great questions! And it all comes down to the type of institution you are applying to for graduate school and what you are applying for (Masters of Arts, Masters of Science, PhD, etc).

There are different levels of schools, although it's never really explained what they are (hidden curriculum like WOAH).

Essentially you have state-level schools like a state universities, private institutions like Brown or Rice, and then like hyper liberal institutions like the Open University.

If you want to do a PhD, I'm not gonna lie: it often pays to do it at a high-level research institution like the University of California or Yale or Rutgers etc. But if you're looking to do an Masters and don't have plans to get into academia (for example, you need the Masters for the job you want like to go into counseling or to become a professional artist), then it is WAY WAY cheaper to do that shit at a state university or the hippie equivalent in your area (lookin' at you, Open Uni. It's okay babe, if I had to do another master's I'd pick you every time).

So depending on the institution(s) you're applying to, your preparation requirements will change.

Generally speaking, if you're going into an MA or MS at a mid-level university, then you don't actually need to have that much research experience.

Here is what a typical Master's application requires from you:

Application

Writing Sample

CV/Resume

2-3 Letters of Recommendation (1-2 from Academic sources like professors preferred)

Possibly a personal statement, this varies from school to school.

Possibly GRE scores. Also varies from school to school.

In terms of building up your CV to be competitive: maybe a conference or publishing a paper in a student journal your last year would be good, but you don't have to like, be published in Nature or some shit.

If you can join a few academic honor societies (example, for history we have Phi Alpha Theta: https://phialphatheta.org/ go ahead and google your field + university-level honor society to see what you can join) and get involved with doing assistant research work for a professor or the library or a local institution, that will help too.

What you for sure want to do for sure if you're planning on doing an MA, is to try to write at least one long/significant research paper your final year of undergrad so that you'll have a writing sample for your chosen institutions. The more feedback you get on that sample, the better. This is where the Admissions folks are going to gauge your research skills. A lot of people just use papers they wrote for class and they tweak them a little before submission.

Now, let's say that you're a fucking beast who's trying to go straight from Undergrad to PhD (which I don't actually recommend btw, but that's a whole different conversation), in this case, you want to do everything outlined above but harder. And on top of that, you want to be really sure to start looking at potential funding sources. PhDs in the US will sometimes only accept you if you demonstrate you have money or are going to come into money. But under NO circumstance would I ever recommend self-funding your PhD.

There is not one good reason to do this. I don't give a singular shit what anyone has to say. If you aren't paid to do your PhD, don't do it.

That being said, you can take out loans for your Masters, but a lot of schools have scholarships and fellowships that you can earn during your masters to help you pay for tuition etc. Just be aware that Masters-level programs are rarely covered by Subsidized financial aid.

What that means is that when you complete your FAFSA in the US, many students are awarded money that they do not have to pay back (these are often called grants). These grants are very seldom available to people pursuing post-graduate degrees, so expect to be offered loan money and work out how you're going to pay for everything else (for example there are scholarships for folks who want to become STEM teacher or internal scholarships for folks who demonstrate strong academic progress once they're in their departments. I funded my MA via loans, getting merit fellowships and working part-time).

If you want more specific advice, I'm happy to help more, but these are probably some of the more important things to be aware of/get involved with if you're planning on grad school. Let me know if you want me to cover any additional issues!

#not fic #academia #gradschool #Seriously don't fucking do a phd if you aren't funded your future ego boost isnt worth the mental anguish and the debt #the only reason I did a phd is because I got what amounted to a fullride

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

Photo

[image description: three monstera leaves. The leaves and wall are tinted purple by string lights behind the plant. In the middle, in a white serif font and all caps, reads “LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS”. At the bottom, in the same font but smaller, reads “update #1″ /end id]

LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS | UPDATE #1

Before I start, this is an autistic OwnVoices novel and it’s Autism Acceptance Month! Remember that awareness is passive and acceptance is active. And whilst this book is autistic OwnVoices I want to stress that it doesn’t cover the full autistic experience; autism is so individualistic and this story only stems from my experience. Make sure you to listen to all autistics, not just those who can speak and live independently and present in a way that suits neurotypical society. Support autistic creatives and if you’re also a creative, include autistic characters in your work! Autism is not a disease. It does not need to be cured.

Hey y’all! This has sure been a week! I gave myself the goal of 15,000 words for Camp Nano and somehow hit that in 5 days? I have literally never written at that pace before so I’m a little shocked lol. I don’t intend to keep that pace but the momentum has made drafting very fun and? drafting this has been a literal dream. I was really worried because March was a month long slump I expected to carry into April. I want to disclaim that I’m currently out of school and work because of the pandemic so I have all the free time to write and that definitely contributed! But also as a neurodivergent and disabled writer, free time does not always equal writing, so to know that I am capable of writing like this, even if not always, it is Such a gamechanger. Also this story makes me miss University so much I actually can’t take it :(

LCOMS has been a dream so far because the protagonists are all characters I’ve had for 5-8 years, and | spent those years struggling to figure out their stories. Even when I settled on this story, originally Patchwork, there was like 4 versions of it before I landed on this - none ever drafted beyond a couple thousand words because they just Never Worked. But the wait was worth it because holy shit I feel like I struck gold. This story feels so me, it’s so much fun to write, and I don’t think a story has come to me this easy before. It’s given me such a zest for storytelling again that I didn’t realise was missing. I’m slowing things down now because creative boundaries and self care >>>>, but I just passed 19k words - though some of the chapters are very unfinished because my priority has been mapping out the story’s skeleton as far as I can, then filling in the gaps based off what I learnt. I wanna put a passage before the cut so it’s not just me rambling about bullshit and no content, but it’s hard to pick just one, so here’s a non-linear scene that I :) cannot elaborate on :)

(CW: alcohol)

[image description: the side of a ferris wheel against black sky. The wheel is lit white, but at the bottom it’s coloured a mix of pink, blue and green. At the top, in a white serif font, reads “The ferris wheel lights blur between turquoise, magenta, mint, lavender, casts the puddles into technicolour. “ /end id]

Picture this: December 17th. End of term. End of year. Cloudless night, stars winking. Fargate glows, market stalls lit by yellow fairy lights line the street like candle stubs, gently burning. It’s raining. It has all day. Dampened your new beanie and scarf but you’re not mad, even if you’ll cringe at the texture when you take them off later. The ferris wheel lights blur between turquoise, magenta, mint, lavender, casts the puddles into technicolour. Your eyes and feet ache, but you’re not mad. And the mulled wine that buzzed warm in your bloodstream now coils in your stomach, but you’re not mad. You’re queuing for the technicolour wheel, even though you know it’ll be underwhelming and a waste of £4, but you’re not mad. Chocolate is usually too sweet for you, but he bought a pack of snowflake shaped ones - each carved with their own design - and when he passes the paper bag over you don’t say no. They taste like raspberry. He grins at you.

I have once again written a long update because I am autistic and have no self control; more excerpts and chapter-by-chapter rambles are as usual under the cut!

(content warnings are specific to the respective excerpt, but as a general warning there’s a lot of alcohol mentions!)

Originally I wanted 3 parts for 3 semesters, but I might do 2? Especially because in the UK at least the spring and summer semester kinda blend into one. The chapters are grouped by 3 - one for every POV character - but that’s more to help with writing because I get more done if I break it down like that, but I also like how it’s shaped the story structurally.

Sometimes the three chapters will be each of the character’s POV on a single event, sometimes they’re more individual but still follow a general idea (for example, one of them is how each character’s first three weeks of the semester goes). As usual for me the plot here is ~non-existent, especially at this stage, but everything is still connected and threaded together and thats all we really need. The chapters are also pretty short at the moment, none of them are over 3k and only tackle 1-3 scenes. This is something I feel is working really nicely now but I’m not gonna commit to it for the entire novel. I like chapter length variety! But right now we are just going with the flow :)

The most unexpected part is this being in second person, which I decided impulsively the night before Nano because I have :) zero self control :). I was unsure if it’d work in Multi POV, but it’s created such a unique tone that I can’t imagine the story without anymore, even if it’ll need tweaking over drafts. I think it suits the story so well! I’m just torn about it being in past or present, so if you see tense jumps in the excerpts no you did not <3 I’m not naming chapters right now beyond the character’s name, but part one is titled Growing Pains.

[image description: photo of a city at night. To the left are skyscrapers with lots of lit up windows behind a chain-link fence. To the right is an unlit building. Near the middle is a bright streetlight. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “growing pains”. /end id]

1: Tomas

We start in the most overrated part of Uni, fresher’s week <3 The drinking and clubbing culture of UK university is a big part of this novel but in a way that’s like “hey this can be fun sometimes but sometimes it’s really not and it’s also really not for everyone.” Our three POVs go to a club night and really don’t care for it. Tomas does not want to be here, is in a weird as shit mood, and instead of looking for his friends he goes to the smoking area with a man he just met called Damiano. I really wanna rewrite this because I wrote it with Zero Idea of where the story was going, so here’s the one part of it that I consider salvageable <3

Damiano shoves his phone in your hands, brightness puncturing darkness. You hadn’t noticed the dimmed lights until then, but the room blued, music and time slowed. Though his notes are on dark mode, his phone brightness is on two fucking high. Your eyes sting. Cracks travel up the screen like veins.

Each character also has a specific image they keep seeing in things that are never actually there and they all make me like 🤠 hey besties what do these mean are you okay?? I Do Not know what they mean yet, but Tomas’ is veins. (Also shout out to me for finally settling on a spelling for his name after 5 years and by that I mean thank you to my friends for peer pressuring me into choosing Tomas lol)

My absolute favourite part of this story is the character voices. They are all SO fun to write, and I feel like I settled into a good combo of My Literary Prose Bullshit and they’re very specific, often very sarcastic voices. They also say fuck like, so many fucking times. RIP to me if I decide to query this <3

2: Kristen

Okay first off Kristen is THE funniest character I’ve written. He is SO fun. I wish I was his bestie but he’s also been my bestie since 2013. We meet him in the gender neutral bathrooms being annoyed by a very rich and very tone deaf girl. Classism and the UK class divide is one of the biggest themes of this novel, and Kristen is a very proud working class Northerner (the North is massively underfunded and unsupported by the Gov compared to the South) and cannot stand the Tories (Conservative Party). Extremely fucking valid of him

(CW: blood)

“I’m Floss. Florence.” Of course she was. Fucking Florence. “Where are you from?”

You don’t look at her. Eyes on your reflection, the glittered cheekbones. You busy yourself with your eyeliner, gliding the pen over gaps and smudges that don’t exist. “Barnsley, babe.” It’s only a half lie this time - if you tell her you were born in Liverpool she’d probably look at you like you’re a dead rat on the side of a dodgy alleyway. But maybe that’d be better because then she’d leave you the fuck alone.

“Oh! That’s like well close isn’t it. I’m from Reigate.” Her voice breathes trust fund and Waitrose, tries to speak like it doesn’t. You try not to laugh.

“Reigate! I bet your parents are right little Tories, aren’t they?”

She playfully slapped your shoulder. She thinks you’re friends. "Not every rich person is a Tory!” Don’t roll your eyes don’t roll your eyes don’t roll your eyes. “Is that blood on your hands?”

“Huh?” You look: faded red dye dried to your palm, blotted on your fingertips. It is dye, because your hair is as of four hours ago a fierce “Real Red”. But it could be blood. “No, it’s hair dye.”

If you think he’s being harsh, she literally calls him a slur like 3 lines after this <3 Fuck rich people half of this book is me clowning on them.

Kristen’s recurring Imagery is blood, except sometimes it’s less clear if it’s actually blood or not. Once again, besties are you okay ????

3: Junie

Junie my beloved <3 love her so much. She finds Kristen in the bathroom, and they agree to look for Tomas, until Tomas texts to say he already left. But the biggest part of this chapter is the absolute crisis she has over kissing for a girl for the first time to ABBA :)

(CW: alcohol)

[image description: a disco ball against a red-purple background. The disco ball casts dots of light against the across the ceiling. At the bottom, in a white serif font, reads: “Dancing Queen bounces against the walls. The disco ball casts specks over the ceiling, floor, walls, your skin, hair, eyes like broken glass.” /end id]

You don’t listen to 80s music, or 70s, but this room is smaller than the main floor, not claustrophobic, less freshers. Yet, even without the mask of a crowd, nobody notices the girl in the corner kissing the other girl. A girl you don’t know. You’d only gone up to her because she has purple hair and you had to tell her how much you love it - what dye is it? Professional or homemade? Did you have to bleach your hair? Professional or homemade? Will your hair fall out if you bleach it at home? If you dye your hair purple, do you become part of the Milky Way or part of Andromeda? She turns and sticks her tongue out to display her fresh tongue piercing, like a silver bullet lodged in flesh. “Dance with me, you look lost.” She has an allure to her, the Andromeda hair, the bullet in the tongue - do you want to pull it out with your teeth, or lodge it in your own skin? But she asks you to dance, and you fall into her orbit, if only for a few songs. Dancing Queen bounces against the walls. The disco ball casts specks over the ceiling, floor, walls, your skin, hair, eyes like broken glass. Her tongue in your mouth, yours in hers, bullet grazing against your lips. She tastes of vodka and cherries and metal.

I really, really feel for Junie. She’s recently out, and she’s only just navigating what it means to exist as a lesbian. She kisses a girl and immediately regrets it, because she’s a hopeless romantic and was hoping her first kiss with a girl wouldn’t be in the back of a club, but she also doesn’t regret it because it was a good kiss and they’ll never see each other again lol. Junie’s recurring imagery is glass and once again, besties are you okay

4: Junie

I don’t know how I feel about back to back POV chapters but that’s just how this set worked. The next 3 are immediately after the events of the first 3, after they’ve all left the club. Kristen and Junie walk home together, and most of this and his subsequent chapter is establishing relationship dynamics and <3 this story made me love writing dialogue y’all. This story has a lot of dark elements, so it’s really refreshing to be able to have the light-hearted moments as well. Like these characters are all going through it but they’re also Gen Z 20 year olds who grew up using humour to cope like what else are they meant to do

“We should’ve got that flat on Brunswick. It’s literally down the street from the SU - we’d just have to walk down a hill and then we’d be home.” He complains.

“Kristen, that flat had a rat problem. I saw one scurrying behind the oven.”

“Yeah, and we live with Tomas Meijer now, so what’s the difference?” He faces you, walks backwards, grin plastered on his face.

“That was mean.” You feign annoyance. You sound like a schoolteacher.

“It’s just how we are, you know. The love hate relationship. Like night and day or some shit. I’d kill for that boy but like, he’s still a rat. He’s the same to me - did he tell you he called me a malnourished ferret once in first year? In English and Dutch. Don’t even remember what it is in Dutch but he really came at me with two knives like that.”

Kristen and Junie don’t really know each other well - Junie is Tomas’ friend from class and Kristen and Tomas met in dorms, and a series of shitty housemates in second year brought them all together. It’s funny because I really worried Junie would end up with no clear place in the group and more like a third wheel to Kristen and Tomas but as I started writing I realised that her and Kristen are gonna become besties like. Instantaneously. Love this for them <3

5: Kristen

Essentially mirrors the last chapter. Him and Junie arrive home and have a heart to heart in the living room about gender <3 I love this for them <3

6: Tomas

Tomas goes home with Damiano and they hook up, which is very out of character for Tomas so it’s like his I Am So Random. I Can’t Believe I Just Did That moment. Damiano is a really sweet dude though it’s all good, but he’s here to stay and I can just tell it’s gonna get messy :/ I actually really love how this chapter came out but whilst I have no problem with reading or writing non-explicit sex scenes I’m also like a would rather die than put that on tumblr dot com oops

7: Kristen

we’ve skipped a week ahead to the day before semester starts, and the next three chapters are basically like a character study of where each of them are mentally. It’s not the best :/ This is also the point where Day 1 Of Camp me had literally no idea what I was doing. LCOMS is different from the way I pants Revelations, Revelations because with the latter I find it much easier to brainstorm scenes in my head but with this one, it really is a surprise until I open the doc. It’s created some really interesting moments though.

Kristen visits an amateur photographer friend named Kasia to model for her. I struggled to find anything that included info I’m fine with sharing, but I learnt a LOT about Kristen and his mental state, which was surprising since he’s lived in my head rent free for 8 years now. It’s messy <3 The summary: he sees himself as a mannequin, and he decides that he likes it that way, but he also doesn’t know who’s moving his joints into poses. Bestie???

8: Junie

Junie unpacks her room a week after moving in. Autistic queen <3 This is one of the unfinished chapters, and I have zero motivation to finish it because there’s a scene missing and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. The gist of it though is she FaceTimes a friend from secondary school that definitely was her gay awakening that she only realised was her gay awakening in the last year. Messy <3

9: Tomas

One of my favourite chapters. It’s split into two halves, a light-hearted moment of all three housemates at a superstore because <3 grocery store scenes my beloved <3 and then Tomas’ Everything Is Bad exploration at the end. There’s a moment in the first half where Tomas and Kristen have a heart to heart in the candle aisle, and Tomas asks Kristen where he thinks they’ll be in their thirties. I winged this in a sprint and I’m obsessed with it, it’s all about the ~dynamic~

“Well, he has student debt for one. But that’s not on him. That’s on the Tories. But I like to think they’ll be out of power by then. Boris might even be dead, if we’re lucky. But again, not on me.” He’s quiet again. You watch him think. “He’d be a music teacher probably, or an English teacher. But like, a cool one. He doesn’t teach secondary school because he doesn’t hate himself. Maybe a Sixth Form, or even better a Uni. His students would love him because he’d be able to take a joke and also like, not hound on them for having mental illnesses or life struggles?” Neither of you look at the aisles anymore, just circle the home section of Big Tesco. “He’d also do a lot of charity work. He has a foundation-charity-thing for queer and autistic kids to get accessible music lessons, because creative therapy is like, the best thing - besides Prozac but I digress - and it’d be better than the old white men from CAMHs who act like you don’t exist by your eighteenth birthday. And he’d have a cool little flat in Sheffield where the landlord lets him paint the walls so every room is a different colour. Turquoise kitchen. Magenta Living room. Lavender bedroom. Mint bathroom.” He looks at you like he forgot you were there. “You really let me ramble like that in the middle of Big Tesco, huh? That felt like a fucking therapy moment.” He laughs a little, like he’s nervous.

“Nah, it was a good answer. Maybe if Tomas-in-his-thirties doesn’t move back to the Netherlands, he’ll rent the apartment next to Kristen-in-his-thirties.”

Kristen pouts. “Aw, you don’t wanna be my roomie anymore?”

“No, you called me an animal for eating pineapple on pizza.”

“Deserved. And you called me a malnourished ferret.”

You smile. “You’re not gonna let that down, are you?”

He smiles. “Of course not.”

Kristen tells Tomas he knows Something Happened to him over summer, and gets him to promise to tell him when he’s ready. The second half of the chapter takes place back at the house. Tomas is grieving, and it’s starting to creep into all elements of his thought. In this one specifically, he’s reminded of his top surgery and his memories in the hospital for that starts to blend with his memory of being in the hospital to grieve. Tomas is interesting as trans rep because like, he is trans rep curated for me specifically <3 Tomas was a huge comfort character for me when I was younger and when I realised I was trans, I looked at him and was like oh. He had a very smooth coming out and transitioning process (bc mine is the opposite and I need to project :) ), but right now he views his transness as like, a chapter of his life that was important but is now closed, so he doesn’t think about it a lot anymore, but the combo of grief and its mental impacts causes him to think about it more and he realises he has a very unhealthy internal relationship with his transness. Whilst the big idea at the start of Tomas’ arc is to show trans peace, I really wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the grieving process that comes with being trans. Literally the moment that made me realise “oh god, this is real and I can’t ignore it” was googling “im scared i might be trans” and realising how normal those tangled feelings are. Tomas’ experience of it is only fleeting, but I wanted to show that it’s normal. That being said, there’s no transphobia in this story. It is ultimately a Trans Peace story but also a trans story that, for me at least, is realistic. And the thoughts don’t last long, because his mind circles back to the grieving process.

(CW: graphic surgery and hospital imagery, vomit mention, death)

[image description: a darkened picture of an empty hospital room. The only light comes in through the window through thin white curtains. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “ Scalpel gliding across the chest; were the cuts they made as thin as the line between surgery and autopsy? “ /end id]

Picture this: The hospital room. Clinical lights like exit wounds in the ceiling. Everything hurts. Haven’t slept properly in weeks. Can barely eat without it coiling and tangling in your stomach only for nothing to come up when you heave over the toilet. Messy hair, sunken eye bags. Dull eyes. The hospital room. The hospital halls. The hospital waiting room. The hospital car park. The drive to the hospital. The sleepless night before the hospital visit. The locked in the armchair next to the phone waiting for the hospital to call. The silence shrills harsher than the phone’s ring. But ask yourself this: who’s in the bed? You or him? The memories are different but the same. Oil and water. Shouldn’t be mixed. But it’s hard not to. Picture the two of you on the operating table and on the metal slab. Too far from reality to feel skin slice. Scalpel gliding across the chest; were the cuts they made as thin as the line between surgery and autopsy?

There’s a lot of paragraphs in the story that start with Picture This:. I have no idea what it means, it just reads cool lmao

10: Junie

we skip around 3 weeks now to see how the kids are dealing with the start of semester and well. They’re managing! Junie actually has a good chapter here, because she experiences Baby’s First Queer Class Crush

[image description: a purple sunset with a large pink cloud. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads you notice her background is of a purple sunset. You wonder if purple is her favourite colour like you and if she took it and if she likes photography and if she’d take photos of you “ /end id]

You listen, touch type your notes without properly processing the words yet, but instead of studying the PowerPoint, you study her: how she tucks a strand of black hair - free from her messy bun - behind her ear. The three studs in her earlobe, three little gold stars. The way her eyebrows furrow when she’s confused, and the way her face relaxes when she figures it out. How she touch types like you, how her two brass bracelets jangle and how you’re the only one that hears it. She minimises Word briefly, and you notice her background is of a purple sunset. You wonder if purple is her favourite colour like you and if she took it and if she likes photography and if she’d take photos of you. Lavender polo shirt, lavender perfume. She doesn’t wear make-up, but a tiny black heart sits under left eye.

Junie’s dreams of a photographer girlfriend are quickly shattered when she admits the photo’s from Pinterest, but otherwise this is so <3 the sapphic crisis of it all.

You walk out together, and she tells you she only got into Sheffield that weekend, and it was a nightmare to explain to the tutors why. “It’s like, they forget we have lives sometimes. Lives we can’t control.” She shakes her head. “It’s okay now though, I’m here now.”

You almost trip on the stairs up to the main floor, and her hand is warm against your wrist. Your cheeks redden, but she just asks if you’re okay, smiles when you are. Tells you she’s late for a seminar, but it was lovely to meet you. Thanks again for the lecture notes. Calls you a lifesaver. Fades into the between-classes rush. You’re glad she’s here now.

again she is so <3 i get it babes i get it <3

In other news, at the end of the chapter Kristen drops the most relatable line of the entire fucking book:

“You know how like, when it rains, all the worms come out and do a funky little dance? Yeah so basically: the rain is LIT3001 right. And the worms are all of my mental illnesses.”

11: Tomas

Tomas turns 21 on October 13th so naturally like anyone in his early 20s he has multiple crisis’ about it. I still haven’t figured this chapter ~out yet but it sure exists! It just sucks the same way it sucks to be a young adult in the late 2010s. But here’s Kristen being the most relatable character in the book again and getting bullied for it :/

(CW: alcohol)

"I still can't believe you both do a science. Like, it actually baffles me - I could not be more further from that." Kristen refills his glass, measures the vodka level with his index. "Just a babe and his silly little BA against the world."

"You know if you wanna be a BA babe you have to actually, like, graduate."

12: Kristen

Kristen is personally like I will pretend my degree does not exist and honestly? I get it King. He visits his Dad, since he only lives 30 minutes away, but most of the chapter is him thinking about Tomas and their messy friendship and the fact that Tomas is kinda ghosting him despite literally living together :/ Anyway here’s Kristen’s cat :)

Mar snoozes on your pillow, half curled like a croissant. Orange fluff against grey sheets, and you’re not mad at the fur debris she’ll inevitably leave. Her head pops up when you sit next to her, “you forget about me yet?”. You scratch her head and it’s like you’re 12 again and you don’t have to worry about rent or degrees or masters applications or careers or groceries or housemates and you haze through Sundays snoozing in bed with your new kitten. Technically she was a birthday present, but dad couldn’t wait an extra month to adopt her. Said he saw it in her eyes at the shelter, that she belonged here. You named her Marmalade because you were a dumbass eleven year old and also thought marmalade was the shit back then. She stretches her legs and yawns. Plops her head back down, back to sleep. “Yeah, me too.”

13: Tomas

The next three chapters centre around each character’s Halloween, because <3 Halloween my beloved <3. Tomas’ starts off with him and Kristen being ~homoerotic and him being a ~disaster about it.

w[image description: a photo of a blue planet - Neptune - against a black background. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “You don’t know which palette he’s using, but you remember his favourite is space themed: Mars red, Neptune blue, Jupiter orange - you try to guess which planet he thinks looks best against olive. He taps the brush against the palette. Imagine the planets. How they dandelion in the air.” /end id]

When you sit in front of him, your knees press together. When he tilts your head up, thumb on chin, nail grazing the curve of your lip, his hand is ice on your skin. He studies your face, you close your eyes. When he pulls back, you swear you still feel his thumbprint on your skin. You don’t know which palette he’s using, but you remember his favourite is space themed: Mars red, Neptune blue, Jupiter orange - you try to guess which planet he thinks looks best against olive. He taps the brush against the palette. Imagine the planets. How they dandelion in the air. He holds your head in place, hand sprawls over you cheek like veins. Brushes colour into your eye socket. Underneath the radiator, your phone buzzes twice. Don’t say anything. Ignore your heartbeat.

(before this Tomas threw his phone at the radiator because someone texted him :) yeah okay mood :) )

this story is really about the ~gay disasters and also the ~dialogue

You flop onto your bed, arms crossed over your face. “I dunno. I might just print off all the emails Uni's sent me about my dissertation. Staple them to a jacket and tell people I'm going as mental illness."

"Tomas, if you want to go as mental illness then you don't need a costume at all."

Unfortunately the rest of the chapter is not as fun because plot had to happen but this first scene was :)

14: Junie

Junie is not a fan of Halloween so she gives up halfway through the night and invites the girl she met in her lecture over to bake cookies at 1am instead. Fellas is this gay?

(CW: alcohol)

The girl in the kitchen brought cookie cutters in pink Tupperware. She explains she’s had them since she was eight, but she hasn’t had a chance to use them this Autumn. She has seven: cat, butterfly, crescent moon, heart, three stars matryoshka’d together. “I have more, these are just my go to ones. I’m a bit of a collector.” She lines them up on the counter, you trace the outline of the cat. She says she didn’t want to bring too many, but she likes having the options with no plan, the potential. You want to tell her that, after you invited her over, you spritzed the counters with lavender surface cleaner twice and tucked the discarded vodka and raspberry liqueur bottles in the cabinet you can barely reach. You piled unfolded laundry into your closet and hid drooping plants behind your closed curtains when you had zero intention of her inviting her to your room. You want to ask her why she said yes, why she replied in two minutes at one in the morning, and you want to ask her why people feel the need to cookie cutter themselves into a false potential. She asks if you want to bake with coconut or chocolate chip.

she is actually such a disaster around girls i love her so much

The girl in your kitchen clears up glass that isn’t hers. You drop the measuring jug and it fireworks against tile. No shards lodge in your skin. Whilst she cleans, insists that it’s okay, you brew peppermint tea because you insist it’s the least you can do. The girl tells you a story about how she did the exact same thing, when she was nine, and her mother shrieked so loud the neighbours banged at the door a minute later. She laughs, muted. You apologise again. She insists it’s okay again. Rain hardens against the window, looks like TV static. You breathe in the peppermint steam.

The biggest thing I’ve learnt since drafting is that, at it’s core, this is a love story. And that makes me so excited because so many people, especially in mainstream media, still think that autistic people are incapable of love - or even worse, undeserving.

15: Kristen

Kristen’s favourite holiday is Halloween so naturally on his special day I had to make him go through it :) I can’t share a lot of this, but it feels right to end this beast of an update on this beast of an excerpt because it came to me out of absolutely nowhere and it is one of my favourite passages I’ve ever written OOPS

(CW: death, parental death)

[image description: a cluster of stars against a dark blue, almost black sky. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “You want to ask your dad how something can end if for you it never began, but he’s asleep in his armchair back home. You look at the stars. You wonder if any of them are her.“ /end id]

You’ve mapped Sheffield’s streets since 13 so you know you’re walking the wrong way. This isn’t the way to Crookes. This isn’t the way out the city centre. You should order an Uber. You keep walking. You stop at a crossing. There’s no cars. You don’t cross. The traffic light flashes red and bleeds on your face. The stars are out tonight, and now it’s 2004 and you’re in the lounge with Lion King in the VHS. You’re off sick and your neighbour - Mel, recently retired, recently widowed - nurses a glass of brandy in your dad’s armchair because you don’t know it yet, but he can’t afford to miss work. You’re sprawled on the dusty-red rug when Simba and Mufasa sprawl in the grass and Mufasa tells Simba that all the stars are the Kings of the past and they are watching over him. You ask recently retired, recently widowed Mel if that’s true; her smile is happy but her eyes are sad and she says “yes, and not just Kings. Nobody leaves Earth, they just move to the stars.”

Ten minutes later, Mufasa is flung off a gorge’s edge; you haven’t studied storytelling yet, but you understand those two moments are connected. And when you relay this to dad over ready made pasta that evening, you ask him if people really live in the stars: Sometimes, when they can’t live here anymore. Then you ask if they can come back from the stars: No, but people remember them. They’ll tell stories about them, so people don’t forget. Then you ask if memories and stories are like stars: A little. Then you ask why they can’t live here anymore: It’s hard to explain, Kris.

After dinner, he lets you play on the plastic slide in the garden as he scrubs the dishes. You climb to the top and try to see faces in the stars, but it’s too cloudy. And after that but before bedtime, you’re sprawled on the dusty-red rug again, and Lion King is in the VHS again, and as Simba and Nala are bathed by their mothers again, your five year old mind connects what’s different about you. You go to ask dad about it, but he’s asleep in his armchair. It’s 2018, you’re stood on a phantom street in Sheffield. You want to ask your dad how something can end if for you it never began, but he’s asleep in his armchair back home. You look at the stars. You wonder if any of them are her.

And I usually don’t do this, but I think the playlist for this wip is absolutely fucking elite, so here’s a handful of the songs that I think encapsulate the story the best:

The Wombats – Greek Tragedy

Duncan Laurence – Arcade

FKA Twigs – Two Weeks

Peach Pit – Alrighty Aphrodite

Khalid – Saturday Nights

Alfie Templeman – Stop Thinking (About Me)

Rina Sawayama – 10-20-40

If you read this far, then I love you and we shall have a platonic wedding this summer. But I cannot express how excited I am about this story and to see where it goes!

#atlastracking #LCOMS #writing update #amwriting #seriously though i have had the best week but also my brain? a fried egg #sfoidhfsdf even before the cut this post is long i hate it here #long post

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notebooknebula · 3 years

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Using his corporate experience, he went on to start multiple businesses starting in 2002, including Real Estate Investing where he has invested in multiple states across the nation.

His passion, helping others achieve their highest potential in both business and in life.

As a refugee himself, Chaffee-Thanh Nguyen is committed to helping others and giving back. He is very active within his community serving within the Jaycees as a 10th Degree Jaycee, US Jaycee Senator #70583, and a JCI Certified National Trainer.

Timestamps:

0:01 – Get Ready To Be Plugged Into The Money

0:39 – Today’s guest: Chaffee-Thanh Nguyen

1:34 – Jay’s New Book: “Where To Get The Money Now” –https://www.JayConner.com/Book

2:13 – Chaffee, one of the editors of Jay’s new book talks about why you need to get this book now!

3:19 – Aha! Moments in Real Estate – Private Money Academy Conference

4:43 – Who is Chaffee-Thanh Nguyen?

8:42 – 1st Aha! Moment: Substituting the collateral allows the lender to continue earning interest on a loan for a longer period of time, should the original property sell in less than 6 months.

10:19 – What is Private Money? Who is a Private Lender?

15:43 – 2nd Aha! Moment: Sellers do not know what they will accept until you make the offer.

23:10 – How can you buy a property using Subject-to existing note strategy?

26:04 – Final Aha moment for today: You can make big money in the real estate business in a very small market.

31:49 – Chaffee’s parting comments: Go out there, do not be afraid to make offers!

Private Money Academy Conference:

https://jaysliveevent.com/live/?oprid=&ref=42135

Have you read Jay’s new book: Where to Get The Money Now? It is available FREE (all you pay is the shipping and handling) at https://www.JayConner.com/Book

Free Webinar: http://bit.ly/jaymoneypodcast

Jay Conner is a proven real estate investment leader. Without using his own money or credit, Jay maximizes creative methods to buy and sell properties with profits averaging $64,000 per deal.

What is Real Estate Investing? Live Private Money Academy Conference

https://youtu.be/QyeBbDOF4wo

YouTube Channel

https://www.youtube.com/c/RealEstateInvestingWithJayConner

iTunes:

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/private-money-academy-real-estate-investing-jay-conner/id1377723034

Listen to our Podcast:

https://realestateinvestingdeals.mypodcastworld.com/11201/top-3-aha-moments-in-real-estate-with-jay-conner-chaffee-thanh-nguyen

Top 3 Aha Moments in Real Estate with Jay Conner & Chaffee-Thanh Nguyen

Jay Conner