#god knows what she would be like if its something stupid like this
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Flame of Autumn - Chapter 17
Part 18/26 | Ao3
[TW for graphic depictions of violence]
Tilly
The steady dripping was the first thing that Tilly focused on as her eyes cracked open in the dark.
Dark. It was so dark.
She blinked once, twice, and groaned at the pain in her head. She went to sit up, but she found she couldn’t, and the clanking of chains immediately alerted her as to why. It smelled like mildew and moss, something deep and earthen and cold and horrible.
The dungeons, then.
The panic flashed through her just as quickly as the resignation as she remembered what had happened. She’d been so, so stupid, but gods, she had only been able to process the need to help Alanna. She’d been so foolish to open the door with the dogs barking and snarling the way they were. The tears tracked hotly down her cheeks, and she gave herself a moment to cry. She went to tug the bond, but she knew before she did that nothing would be there.
The handkerchief had been covered in faebane, pressed tightly to her face so that she couldn’t fight back, couldn’t warn Eris away, which meant Beron likely knew everything.
She forced herself to take deep breaths–the panic wouldn’t help her here. She turned her head to the side and took in the surroundings, dark as they were. Down beyond the bars of her cage, there was a lone torch in what appeared to be a hallway. She could see the faintest outline in light of a door that appeared to be made of heavy iron. She was sure it was locked. She didn’t try calling out; she could tell in the low light that the other few cells filled with open chains and tables were empty. She allowed herself a sob, quiet in the air, as she tried to get her bearings.
It’s okay. You’re okay.
Eris had told her about the dungeons of Autumn–two levels, one high one for the basic prisoners to be held, questioned, and perhaps tolerated for a month or two. Then, there was the lower level that could only be accessed through that first one. It was reserved for one purpose only: torture. People didn’t leave that dungeon once they entered. From the fact that there was just the singular heavy door within sight, she gathered she’d been placed alone in that second level. She fought hard against the terror and hysteria clawing its ugly way up her throat at the thought. She was caught between hoping Eris would know something was wrong and come back to save her, and simultaneously hoping he’d stay far away from here. If she’d been found out, then so had he.
She jumped and the chains rattled around her wrists as the distant sound of male screams came through the heavy door. Her blood chilled, and she wondered if perhaps they had already caught Eris, too. The thought turned her stomach, and she strained to hear, but when the scream came again she could tell it wasn’t him. She was not one to rejoice at the pain of others, but she could have danced for joy at the fact that Eris might still have a chance. Plus, something told her that if they had caught Eris too, they’d make sure she knew.
She grasped that bit of hope and took deep, grounding breaths. She let her chest fill with the air, counted to seven, then released it slowly. She calmed herself enough to think rationally through it, shoving the hysteria and desperation down deep and locking it tightly away. There was no good outcome for her here. The brothers cared for her, but would they even notice her missing in time? She was sure Eris had told them that he’d instructed her to lie low while he was gone. Would it be too late? Alanna might notice, but what could she do? This brought up another point that was bothering her–had Aradnus remained behind with Beron gone? Was Aradnus on orders from Beron? Had it all just been a ploy to get Eris out of the Forest House?
She didn’t have to wonder long, and the terror grabbed her anew as the door groaned open and footsteps came towards her. She closed her eyes, evening her breathing, and hoping if they thought her asleep then they may leave again. It was another foolish idea, and she choked and gagged and sputtered as a bucket of cold water was thrown roughly over her face. As she blinked the water from her eyes, she was greeted by Aradnus and Beron.
So they’d been tricked.
The smile on Aradnus’ face told her all she needed to know about her chances here.
“Matilda, so good to see you.” Beron smiled at her like a predator surveying prey. She refused to speak, clamping her lips shut and not breaking eye contact with him. “That’s fine. You’ll be talking soon enough. You know, it’s so interesting what glamours can hide.” His smile had turned grotesque. “You’d never know who could be hiding a mating bond,” he leaned in close, “or a child.” Any remaining hope rushed out of her at the reminder.
He knew. He knew about both, and now he was going to use it to his advantage. She would die in this cellar, and so would their child.
“Did you know someone tried to hire a Night Court assassin to kill me? The lovely dryad dinner guest we had the other night–have you ever met a dryad before, Matilda?” The nausea churned within her. He did know; of course he knew. “Now, tell me, darling. What could a Night Court assassin possibly gain from killing me?” She refused to speak–wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of her fear.
His eyes darkened, anger clouding them. “If you won’t talk willingly, my second has his ways.” She hated how she flinched as she heard Aradnus crack his knuckles. “You have one chance now, Matilda, to save yourself and my worthless son. Now tell me,” he put his hands on either side of her head, caging her in, “Have you and Eris been conspiring with the Night Court to kill me?” She schooled her expression to the most minute details, refusing to let a single thought slide through. She wouldn’t implicate Rhysand or his court or Eris in this, even if Beron was already certain.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, High Lord.” She spit out, venom coating each word. Let his anger rest on her, and perhaps Eris would be able to tell that something was wrong and have a chance to escape. The wrath in Beron’s eyes flared, and she felt sure he would hit her. He simply drew back.
“It’s a shame, Matilda. You could have saved everyone so much difficulty.”
She doubted it. Even if she’d spoken up, betrayed Eris and everyone else, she’d no doubt in her mind her fate was already sealed.
“I’m not going to tell you a thing.” This time, Beron’s smile was unlike the others–self satisfied, smug, even.
“Well, you’re right about that. I, tragically, must step away to attend to other things. Aradnus, however, has happily volunteered to watch over you for me. Isn’t that right?” She closed her eyes, understanding fully how this would end. She heard Beron begin walking back to the door. “It’s a shame, Matilda. I think I could have had great fun with you.” She gave him nothing but her silence, and he turned to Aradnus.
“The guards have the order to ambush and detain Eris as soon as he returns. They’ll bring him here. Get a confession from her by whatever means necessary, then make him watch her die.”
“With pleasure, my Lord.” She could hear the excitement in Aradnus as he spoke.
“Have a fantastic time, Matilda.” And the door slammed shut behind him. She squeezed her eyes shut and focused on her breaths.
In, out, in, out, in–but she heard the clanking of metal on the table above her head and all thoughts went out of her mind. There was nothing but fear as Aradnus spoke next to her ear.
“Let’s begin.”
++++
The earth was swaying back and forth in front of her eyes.
No, she was swaying. Tilly came to, the pain in her shoulders so sharp it had started to border on numbness. She knew her shoulders had dislocated long ago–she couldn’t even remember how long she’d been hanging at this point.
Blessedly, she was alone. She had no idea how much time had passed since she’d been taken–there was no light this far below the earth, and the screams of her companions in suffering in the higher chamber happened too sporadically to glean any information on time passing.
Aradnus had twice forced food and water down her throat, trying to keep her alive for more torture. Part of her hoped it had been days. Eris was only supposed to be gone for two or three, so if it had been more than that, perhaps he knew and was staying away. She was sure if he’d returned that she would know by now–Aradnus would have paraded him in to watch her suffer.
She cleared her throat, trying to open her eyes to make sure she was, indeed, alone. Only one eye opened, the other still swollen entirely shut from the session they’d had earlier. Her jaw had been broken, too, but it seemed like she could move it enough that it had begun to heal. If she could just get the faebane out of her system, she could heal herself subtly and make this more bearable, but she was sure he’d been putting it in the water he forced down her throat.
She sighed, trying to squeeze her fingers to get some circulation back into them, but it was no use. She’d been hanging there long enough that all the blood was long gone and they were entirely sensationless–probably for the best, as she was certain she didn’t have a single fingernail left. Aradnus had taken his time with those, savoring the screams he pulled from her for each one.
She ran her tongue over her cracked lips, tasting blood. She could feel her consciousness slipping again–she could only stay awake for a few moments at a time before her body began to shut down.
Every so often, after it had been awhile since she’d ingested anything, she tried to feel desperately for the bond within her. She could feel it, see it, but it was as though it drifted off into nothing. She still took the time to try and push feelings and words and warnings down it, whether or not it had any impact.
She thought she’d cried all the tears she could, but she felt more start to slide down her face, cutting tracks through all the blood and grime. She sniffed, getting a noseful of copper and the musty, damp smell of the dungeon, but her heart shattered to still smell the faintest citrus scent of their baby, still bravely holding on.
I’m so, so sorry, little one. Your mother and father would have loved you so dearly.
She let her head hang in the dark as she swung around, feet barely scraping the floor as she moved. She choked out a final sob as she let the blessed darkness take her under once more.
++++
The water drowning her was becoming her typical wakeup call, but it was never any less terrible. At some point, he must have released her from the ceiling without her even waking, because she was strapped back into a chair, her shoulder screaming in pain. She hated the idea of his hands on her at all, but the thought of them on her while she was unconscious was an entirely different form of torture.
“Good morning, princess.” Aradnus sneered at her. His cruelty knew no bounds, and she’d learned over the past however long how much he truly enjoyed hurting others. He gleaned true joy from drawing blood, from hearing screams of anguish. More than once, she’d caught him palming himself through his pants and wished she hadn’t. Most of the time, she refused to speak at all other than the screams and shrieks of pain he drew out of her when she couldn’t stand it anymore. Deep in the throes of it, she reminded herself of what Eris had told her that day in the stream.
I just blocked it out. I found a place so deep inside me that nothing he did would ever reach it. I held that tiny little bit of myself close, and I told myself that enduring it would all be worth it someday, somehow.
And it would be. She would hold on, burrow deep down within herself, and she would not crumble. She would hold out as long as her body allowed; she would buy Eris time, the very last gift she could give him.
She’d refused to give up any additional information about Eris, or the Night Court, or herself, choosing to firmly answer with either silence or “I have no idea what you mean.” Even Aradnus, for all his joy in pain, was beginning to become agitated, and she could tell. She wondered if he’d be punished by Beron if he returned and Aradnus had nothing for him. In her half-lucid state, she grinned maniacally at the idea that he thought she’d be easy to break, and that now he was failing.
He hounded her repeatedly about the brothers, searching desperately for information. Tilly was surprised to find that they had a suspicion about Killian’s family, but she used that surprise to sell that she knew nothing about it, about any of them. He was relentless, asking again and again about everything, but she refused to break. She’d accepted she wouldn’t be leaving these dungeons–that she’d never see the sky or feel the sun on her skin or get lost in those bright amber eyes again–but she would not be taking anyone with her. Every session would reach a breaking point where she’d either pass out, or Aradnus would become so enraged that he’d lose control and push too far, leaving her useless anyway.
Presently, Aradnus was turned to the table, but she could see him rifling through long, slim knives. She clenched her eyes shut again, but found she was beginning to lose the ability to feel terror, pain, much of anything. She wouldn’t last long this time; they’d be done soon.
All this past year in Autumn, and this was where it would end.
She tried to focus her thoughts back to the very beginning, sitting in that room before she’d even seen Eris. She’d been so resigned, so nervous, so unsure, and then she’d been gifted the most precious love of her life. She knew with certainty, even if it ended here, that she’d do it all again to have that time with him. She hoped he would be okay, regardless of what happened to her. She would die here in this dungeon, but if he managed to stay away, he could still live centuries more.
She thought of his eyes, so curious and filled with joy when he beheld her, or the way they took in all of her as they touched. She thought of his scarlet curls, falling over his forehead as he focused on his book, or while they kissed. She thought of how she liked to tuck them back behind his arched ears, earning that stunning smile of his while they laughed about something. Eris would be okay, as long as he never returned here. He would never be the same, but he would be okay.
Aradnus had been given strict orders to wait for Eris to return, but he couldn’t put it off forever, and mistakes happened. Perhaps Eris would feel the bond break when she died and know for certain to stay away, or perhaps seek asylum within Night as they’d planned to do with her. At this point, there was no chance he didn’t at least suspect something had happened. That final severing of the bond might be the push he needed to run and not return. She hoped beyond reason that when he’d felt the bond go dark, he’d known something was wrong and gone far away already.
Aradnus turned to face her with a paring knife, a smile already plastered on his horrible face. Tilly tried her hardest to force the words down the bond.
Don’t come back, don't come back, I love you, don't come back.
++++
Aradnus was back again, and Tilly had nothing left to hang on to. Her eyes would hardly open at all; she couldn’t lift her head. She was certain one of her legs was broken, if not both. He ran a finger up her arm, but she didn’t even have the energy to shudder at the touch anymore. Half the time, she was no one at all, floating in a timeless, spaceless chasm of nothing where she was blissfully ignorant of everything. When she was lucid, it was barely so–holding on just long enough to feel short blasts of pain and groaning before she’d be swept back into oblivion.
“It seems we may be on our last day, sweet one. I don’t think there’s much fight left in you, and your mate is running behind.” She groaned, but it felt far away. Everything felt far away. “I must admit, you’ve held out far longer than anyone imagined you would. I’d thought you might have given up outright, but you fooled us all.”
She couldn’t even wet her lips to respond, the darkness already drawing her back under. Eris was late–Aradnus had betrayed that fact with his words, and the information clanged through her fog with great clarity. It had been long enough, and that meant he knew to stay away. He’d been smart, and though she was sure it had killed him, he had stayed away.
“I think we’ll play with some fire today, what do you think? One big finale, hmm?” She could feel him snapping the fitted braziers on her hands and forearms, could vaguely feel them warming. She didn’t care–it didn’t matter.
Eris was safe.
There was nothing left for her to do, and she was ready to let go. She wondered if, on the other side, her mother and father and child might be there waiting for her arrival. She wished to see the sky and sun and clouds again, even if it was in death. Longed to hear her mother’s voice, feel her father’s embrace, run her fingers through the bright red curls of the child she’d never even had the chance to meet.
She could feel the skin blistering as the darkness crept in. With a final sigh, she could already feel her heart slowing.
Then the iron door blasted entirely off its hinges and into the bars of the adjoining cell. She let her head fall to the side so she could take in the figure wreathed in flames standing in the doorway.
Beron must have come back to finish the job.
She laughed, a hysterical thing, tasting blood between her teeth. She wished she could tell Aradnus that he was going to get in trouble for taking so long and still getting nothing from her, but she couldn’t form a sentence. She could only laugh, the unhinged sound cracking out of her, hoarse and horrible.
The figure stalked forward, and Aradnus backed up. She hoped Beron killed him, too. But then her eyes focused, and Aradnus’ fear made sense. It wasn’t Beron at the doors; it was Eris. Eris, absolutely consumed with flame and furious as he walked forward to a stumbling Aradnus.
“Eris, I–” It was all he got out before Eris reached him, grabbed his throat in a single flaming hand, and ripped it from his body. Tilly thought she might still be laughing, but it turned to a hollow cough immediately, rattling through her lungs and causing the blood to surge in her mouth and out from the corner. She began to drift again, trying to hang on to consciousness but reaching out to grasp nothing each time.
“Tilly.” His voice swam in and out of her mind. She tried to say his name, but maybe it was only in her mind. He was moving her body, shuffling her around. She could hear the massive chains clanking, and she sighed as she heard a key locking into them. “Tilly, fuck. Gods, hold on. Hold on.” She felt the locks clicking, and the shackles falling off her wrists, then her ankles after. She lurched upwards, back arching, as the magic rushed through her.
Faebane shackles.
How had she missed that? She’d assumed it had been in her water.
The familiar magic thrummed in her veins from head to toe, rushing to heal what was broken, but as it worked she could feel everything. She screamed as her bones knit themselves back together, her body thrashing and bucking despite Eris’ gentle hands around her.
“Tilly, I am so sorry.” She could tell he was crying, his voice hoarse and cracking as he held her to his chest, the agony finally calming enough for her to take a gasping breath. She looked up to him, still covered in flames, and her heart nearly broke at the sight of him, so disheveled and worried and relieved. She could feel the bond again, and that alone made her want to dissolve into great heaving sobs. She’d never realized how integral to her it had been until she hadn’t been able to feel it, to feel him.
Without warning, he winnowed them straight from the dungeons to their rooms, her shock evident on her face.
“How did you do that?”
“I broke the wards. All of them.” He was pressing frantic kisses to her face and lips, holding her as though she might still slip away into the ether if he slackened his hold at all. The grief from his side of the bond was overwhelming, and Tilly was so exhausted all she could do was lean her head onto him and try to send waves of love and joy back.
He carried her to the bathroom, setting her gently on the sink and pulling his hands back hesitantly to run the water. While it filled, he came right back, holding her close to him while he stripped off the tattered remnants of her nightgown, dirty and covered in blood and barely held together.
“I thought I lost you, Matilda. I thought you died. I haven’t felt the bond in days. It’s been days…” His voice was barely above a croaking whisper. She had no energy to respond, but she wrapped her arms around him and clasped her fingers so they would stay around him. “I’d finished at Dawn and gone to Day to discuss everything with Helion and the bond went silent. He begged me to stay, in case it meant Autumn was under siege, or that you might be trying to protect me. He all but locked me in the palace.”
Tilly could feel the guilt pouring from Eris’ side of the bond, his shame for not coming sooner. “He was right, Eris.” She spoke, barely audible. She’d hardly used her voice for anything but screaming these past few days. “I was trying to reach the bond, trying so hard to tell you not to come back. He was going to kill you. Make you watch me die then kill you too. He knew we were working with Night. They tried to get me to admit it for days. I swear I didn’t talk. I didn’t tell them anything.” She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. She sighed. “You’re really here.”
Eris was crying, pressing her against him with such force it took the breath from her. “I am so sorry I left, Tilly. I am so sorry I left you with them. I’m so sorry I didn’t come right back. How will you ever forgive me?”
“There is nothing to forgive, Eris. You’re here. We’re here.” She paused, her hands pushing back frantically. “The baby. Is the baby–” His hands were on her in a heartbeat.
“The baby is fine. I can smell them–I can feel their magic. We’ll bring the healers up after we take a bath for peace of mind.” She nodded, the relief buoying her, and Eris picked her up and brought her to the warm tub, slipping in behind her fully clothed. He let her rest on his chest while he washed her body gently with a cloth and she faded in and out of sleep, let the water drain, then fill again. He washed her hair out, running his fingers through it slowly while her steady breath puffed against him. When he had cleaned every last mark from her skin, he just held her, let her float in the water against him, reassured them both that they were here and safe, and Beron was–
“What happened to Beron?” She murmured against his chest.
“When I was in Day, we received an emergent missive from Night that Spring was under attack. Beron was stupid enough to take a portion of Autumn’s army and attack, and he was killed.” She summoned all of her strength to push up onto him.
“He’s dead?”
“He’s dead. The magic hit me in the woods when I winnowed back here.” Her face crumpled and the relief hit him so strongly in the chest he lost his breath. Her chest heaved against his with full-body sobs wracking her and he brushed her hair back. “He can never hurt us again, Til. He’s never coming back.”
“Is your mother okay?”
“Yes, she’s in Day with Helion.” She sighed in relief against him.
“That’s how they got me, you know. Aradnus used a magic trick. He had her voice somehow begging for help, so I opened the doors. So incredibly foolish.” She felt the rage roar down the bond, twined in with his affection for her.
“Aradnus will never do anything to anyone ever again.”
“My hero.” She sighed against him, and he laughed mirthlessly. “So, does that mean you’re High Lord now?”
“Yes. And you’re High Lady.”
“Oh, no. Not yet.” Eris pulled back to look down at her, and she lifted her eyes to his. “What?”
“Do you not…you don’t–” She lowered her head, pressing another kiss to his collarbone.
“Autumn won’t accept a High Lady yet. There will be people who want things to remain how Beron kept them, especially amongst the nobles. You forget that’s where I spent most of my life. I need to earn it first, and you need to weed out the dissenters in the meantime.” She closed her eyes, nuzzling closer to him. “You’ll do the right things, make the right changes. They’ll accept me when I’ve earned it. I’m in no hurry.”
She yawned, the last of her energy entirely gone now that she had made sure everyone was okay. So she let herself drift, both on her mate in the warm tub and out of consciousness.
Eris
Tilly was fast asleep and surrounded by dogs and pillows, her face a road map of dark bruises that hadn’t healed. Eris clenched his fist, the flames shooting out from him despite the control he was trying to wield over them and this new power. Willa, the head healer, had come by and checked to make sure Tilly was healing okay. The bones in her legs, ribs, and shoulders had mended, as well as the burns on her hands and arms. She’d administered a heavy sleep tonic before leaving, ensuring that Tilly would be able to rest through the recovery. She checked, then double and triple checked that the baby was okay, while Eris hovered and paced nervously like a frantic mother hen. Once Willa had assured them that everything was more than fine, on track, and healing normally, Eris finally allowed her to leave.
But now, watching from a chair beside the bed as his mate slept, those horrid bruises discoloring her perfect face, the cuts marring her lips and eyebrows and arched ears, the rage boiled his blood. How hard Aradnus must have hit her, repeatedly, to have those bruises still be so deeply purple. The flames crawled up his arms again and he had to physically shake them off. He should really sleep–it had been literal days since he had–but he couldn’t calm down, couldn’t slow his racing heart at the thought of leaving her unprotected again for even a moment.
When he’d been leaving Dawn, the bond had gone quiet as he’d winnowed away to Day. He thought, at first, it might be the distance making it fade. But within a few hours, something began to feel well and truly wrong. He would catch the smallest flutters of fear and panic that he knew were not his own, and by the time he was in to meet with Helion, he was in a full-blown hysteria.
Helion had implored him to stay, to be calm. There were many different reasons that the bond might be muted, especially since it wasn’t severed. Helion had said Eris would know if Tilly had died, but it didn’t make the not knowing any more bearable.
Helion had contacted Rhysand, as well as sending spies deep into Autumn to find word of any disturbances in the normal routine of the Forest House. He’d all but locked Eris into the palace, trying to calm him and keep him from committing war crimes or getting himself killed by rushing back home. He’d felt like a rabid animal in a cage, pacing constantly, refusing to eat or sleep. Even Helion, who notoriously tolerated Eris at best, seemed worried for his health.
“Eris, you must calm down. You’re running holes into the ground.”
“How can you bear this, Helion? Aren’t you absolutely out of your mind for my mother’s safety? He might have killed her, too. You know that, right?”
“He hasn’t killed your mother, Eris. She’s okay.”
Eris exploded. “How could you possibly know that?” But Helion’s eyes had flashed dangerously.
“Because she is my mate, Eris. I have been living with this pain for centuries, but it’s how I also know she is still alive. Scared, but alive.” Eris felt as though he’d been slapped. He’d suspected–for years he’d suspected–but hearing that Helion knew and had still chosen to stay away jarred him. He had chosen to let his mother suffer under Beron’s thumb. It was the breaking point for him, and he swung out at Helion.
“How dare you?? You knew she was your mate and you let her ROT there?” His fists hit against Helion, and it took him a full minute to realize Helion had let him. He wasn’t even trying to fight him. “Fight me, you bastard. You left her!” But he wouldn’t, and Eris’ screaming turns to sobs, the horror over everything becoming too much.
“Eris…I love Alanna. More than anything in the universe. I always have, I always will. But she demanded I stay away. She wouldn’t risk her children’s safety. She made the choice. Wouldn’t you respect the choices that Matilda made, even if they ruined your own life?” The breath whooshed out of Eris with the last of his anger, and now all that was left was fear and exhaustion.
Did Helion know? Did he know one of those sons she wouldn’t risk was his? He deserved to know.
Eris hated that he had to find out this way.
“Helion. Did you ever wonder why she stopped allowing you to see her after the last of my brothers was born? Ever wonder why you never saw her alone again?”
“She worried about your safety, her safety. I wasn’t yet a High Lord, and she worried he would start a full scale war for the slight. Or otherwise kill us all.”
“Have you ever met Lucien?” Helion’s eyes shot to his, brows furrowed.
“Alanna’s youngest son, former emissary to Spring. I saw him get his eye carved out Under the Mountain when he stood up to that bitch.” He huffed in amusement. “It seems he got Alanna’s heart and not your father’s.” Eris could have rolled his eyes.
“Yes, he got much of my mother. And his father. Nothing of Beron.” Eris implored Helion with his eyes, begging him to understand. It only took a moment, and the way Helion’s face crumpled, the misery was so deep that it threatened to take Eris’ own heart from his chest. When Helion spoke, it was barely a whisper.
“No.”
“Yes. I helped her hide it, per her request, for centuries.” Helion was crying outright now, big heaving sobs from the hulking, unshakable man. It seemed Eris was not the only one who wore a mask, and he could, for just a moment, see the male who his mother loved so fiercely. Could see her match here in this gentle giant who so clearly loved her, who would rather suffer for eternity than go against her wishes. He could see so much of Lucien in him.
“He is so good, Helion. Lucien is. He’s so thoroughly kind, and funny, and he has a good heart. He is someone you would want to know, someone anyone would be lucky to know. I have always been proud to be his brother, and I have never once deserved it.”
“She kept him from me–”
“For everyone’s safety. Everyone’s.”
“Does Lucien know?”
“I have no idea, though I imagine he has his suspicions that Beron is not his father. To ask it aloud would be a death sentence for our mother.” Helion nodded, but his eyes grew hard.
“Come, we’re going.” Eris was momentarily shocked, stumbling up to standing.
“What? To Autumn?” Helion was already making for the doors.
“Yes. I’m getting her out of there, her requests and the consequences be damned. I’ll not let her suffer another moment under that tyrant. She can hate me the rest of our lives, but she’ll do it from somewhere safe.”
“What if he’s there?” Eris could barely get the words out as he got his bearings, tearing down the hall next to Helion, who was walking with impressive strides now.
“Then I will kill him. I may not have been able to do anything then, but I am a High Lord now. I can invoke the Blood Duel, and I will kill him.”
“If you fail, Helion, she’ll die. He won’t let her live over an embarrassment like this.” He stopped so short Eris almost slammed into him and Helion whirled around on him.
“Then you swear to me, Eris. Swear you’ll get her out.” Eris nodded.
“We’ll get them both out.” And understanding settled between them as they made their way to the armory, their minds made up.
Then the missive had arrived.
All at once, everything flew into motion. Eris and Helion only had the time to organize and immediately send any of his fighters who could winnow to Spring, and then to decide that Helion and Eris would still go to the Forest House together. Eris would be there to find Tilly and get her to safety. Helion would immediately go to Alanna, bringing her back to the safety of Day. Eris had told Helion where he could find Alanna–all the places she might be starting with her rooms and the garden, and made sure Helion knew he’d be on his own once they arrived.
But all their plans had changed again when, as soon as they touched ground at the Forest House, Eris had immediately been engulfed with flames so hot they burned blue. He fell to his knees as the power overcame him. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt, and by the time it abated, he knew Beron had died. He didn’t miss a beat as he shattered the wards on the Forest House on instinct, sprinting into their rooms, finding them long-empty, her smell almost non-existent.
He ran madly through the abandoned halls, hoping to at least find his mother or a brother or Cormac to tell him what had happened, but no one was there. He tried reaching desperately for the bond, but it lay so limp, worse than it had been at any time in the last few days, despite his proximity. Wherever Tilly was, she was running out of time. He knew it deep within himself, and the terror shot up like nausea into his throat. He knew he needed to check the dungeons, though he hated the thought more than anything else. It seemed the guards had mostly abandoned their posts; the news must have traveled already. As he reached the doors to the unmanned dungeons, he burst through them and was shocked to find, again, no guards, and all his brothers and Cormac in the cells.
“What the fuck happened?” Eris demanded, as he ripped the keys from the hooks and unlocked the doors.
“Ambush. You’re on fire.” Cormac wheezed. They looked horrible, all beaten to a pulp, the faebane shackles keeping them from healing. Killian appeared to have taken it the worst, but was the first to stand, to get to the walls and lean heavily against them.
“Eris, they have Tilly.” He barely croaked the words out. “We could hear her screaming.”
Was he…he was crying?
And then, the worst possible truth dawned on Eris, and he put together the only option in which they might have heard her screaming. “He’s in there with her now.”
The horror overtook him, and so did the flames, and all the brothers jerked back as he lit up and sprinted to the heavy door to the lower dungeons, nearly ripping it off the hinges as he stormed in.
Eris could barely remember the horrors that he felt as he slung the door open. Seeing Aradnus crouching over her broken body, the fire consuming her skin and her not even fighting back anymore. He’d been absolutely consumed with rage, not even feeling himself anymore as he’d ripped out a male's throat with his bare hand without another thought.
The memory nearly suffocated him now, sitting beside her, safe, breathing, alive. He prodded the dogs to the bottom of the bed gently, climbing in behind her, needing her close. He folded himself against her, curving along every inch of her body, holding her close like he may never get to again. He’d need to go to Spring to deal with the Autumn troops there in two days' time, but he’d need to winnow briefly tomorrow morning to touch base with Tamlin and Rhysand. He didn’t want to leave her again–not now, not ever.
He tucked his hand around Tilly’s stomach while she slept. Willa had estimated her to be about three months along, so she wasn’t showing yet, but he could feel the little magic within her, and could differentiate it from the feel of hers. Their baby, already a survivor in their own right. Willa had spoken to him privately after she’d given Tilly the tonic; it was a miracle in itself that the baby had survived. Tilly had suffered massive and repeated internal damage, and the fact that the baby had made it implied a strong magical presence. Eris had never been so thankful for Autumn’s stupid emphasis on breeding strong bloodlines. It had given him Tilly, given him their child, and allowed him to keep both.
She’d been ready to die for him–the thought made him burn with panic, even feeling her here in his arms, her heartbeat strong and steady against him. She’d been ready to sacrifice herself to make sure that he lived. He had never had that sort of love or devotion from anyone in his life, and he didn’t know what to do with all of it–all that it made him feel. He wasn’t entirely sure he was worth it.
He hated to leave her even for an hour tomorrow, but knew she’d be well protected. He’d spent time this evening reconstructing all the wards he’d so violently broken when he’d arrived looking for her. He’d meticulously respun them, and would ask Helion to come follow up on them when he checked in on his mother. He hoped that long-overdue conversation had gone well. His brothers would keep an eye on Tilly for him in the meantime. The second they’d been healed, they were out of their minds with worry, swarming the hallway in front of Tilly and Eris’ room like a gaggle of gossiping females. Eris was thrilled that they cared, that they wanted to protect her, but he was himself feeling a bit territorial in the wake of things.
The brothers had immediately sworn fealty, none of them caring at all about the crown and simply relieved to be alive and rid of Beron. They’d told him, sorrow in their eyes, how they’d heard Tilly being tortured for days. How they tried to taunt Aradnus so he’d direct his rage and sadism at them instead. How she’d held on longer than any of them had imagined she could. How she’d never once told them a thing, and how Aradnus left every day angrier and more agitated as he stalked through the upper levels. Killian, of all of them, began to cry.
The brothers had heard everything in the cell, but Eris hadn’t.
“He kept asking her about my family. My mate, and my daughter.” Eris couldn’t keep the sharp exhale from passing his lips. He felt like he’d been punched in the chest.
Killian had a family, a mate. And Tilly had known the whole time. She’d protected his family’s secrets at the cost of her safety.
“She could have sold me out–she could have gotten a reprieve, but she said nothing. I will never be able to repay her, Eris. Not in a million lifetimes.” He put his hand on Eris’ arm.
Eris was so proud and so filled with anger that he couldn’t even articulate his thoughts, he’d just begun sobbing, big ugly gasps for air that burst from him as his face crumpled. He lifted his arm to cover it, not used to allowing any real emotion to show out openly. In perhaps their first ever public display of affection, the brothers all came in to embrace Eris.
He hoped, going forward, this might be the norm for them. He didn’t want the tension that they’d lived under for their entire lives to have any influence on their future. But, right now, if they came to his door one more time to check on her before morning, he might set one of them on fire. They were watching over the court currently, preventing anyone from getting ideas about an early coup, and he hoped he might be able to take in a few more hours of silence.
He blew out the candle by the bed, pulling himself close to Tilly once more. He pressed a single kiss to the back of her neck, breathing her in, and reassured himself again and again that she was safe.
Taglist (lomls): @cauldronblssd @queercontrarian @byyalady @thelovelymadone @clockwork-ashes @lovingkelj @lilah-asteria
#acotar#a court of thorns and roses#eris x oc#eris vanserra#eris acotar#vanserra brothers#flame of autumn#arranged marriage#allies to lovers#eris vanserra x oc#acotar smut#Eris smut
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god why can't I have a normal conversation I can't do anything for two fucking minutes without something clicking deep in my brain that it decides it can't handle this even though it was FINE before I fucking hate myself and my body and my brain why can't I just keep composed for one second without becoming a train wreck at the smallest goddamn thing
#im sorry for making you guys read about my problems#i want to ask my mom to help but shes asleep and everytime i wake her up for anything at all she gets mad#god knows what she would be like if its something stupid like this#it never works when people try to help anyways im prsctically already dead#i couldve just had a good life if i just fucking kept it together but no i couldnt even do that#nothing works and the only options i havent tried are the things i cant do#i cant do drugs because damnit i saw what happened to my half sister when she was even involved with that#i cant smoke because it would fuck up my lungs and also id just be like my dad at that point#i cant take prescription pills because theyll do anything but even try to consider that#i have nothing i can do and all the healthy methods ive been taught are practically fucking impossible or just dont work#sure i can escape through fiction via writing but i fucking hate everything i write and the fact i write so goddamn much#when none of its worth it#and sure i can try and draw to make myself feel better but it doesnt work it doesnt make me feel anything at all other thn the feeling that#the fact i made a drawing it doesnt change my mood at all#sewing isnt relaxing because i end up just poking myself in the finger a thousand times and with some shitty fabric#thats barely held together#i am basically dead theres no changing it theres nothing i can do to fix myself or my life or how i feel#im just a walking corpse for people to talk to
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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thinking about social worker percy again
#ppl who seriously believe hes gonna be a marine biologist. do you even fundamentally understand percy as a character#like yeah hes the son of poseidon he can talk to sea creatures but guys. thats not enough to make someone passionate abt something#and guys. the amount of math and science that goes into that??? i love percy and hes boy stupid but he is also not doing all that#*not stupid <3#teacher percy is like. its fine but i dont agree with it i dont think he would have the patience or want to do something like that#but social work. with the way he grew up (and we love sally we know she was with gabe to protect him) and what he saw at the hands of the#gods not bothering to give a shit abt their kids and how he still felt unwanted by his dad and how he turned down godhood and instead asked#for the gods to give a shit abt their kids and stop making them feel so unwanted bc he knows how that feels and it fucking sucks#and i know damn well percy never wants to see another kid experience what he did. and hes great with kids ;#*(estelle for example obviously but he was also good with nico who had it worse than him)#and i know in my soul that this is what he would do#and everyone else is wrong bc i know him better than anyone else#r.txt
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oh my god u know the hrt is working when u get genuinely white girl drunk
#ive never been this drunk before this is crazy. the gender euphoria of not having any tolerance despite being able to drink 4 drinks a year#ago#like its that or someone Did something to this drink but it was from a housemate's stash. oh my god i wanted more of this im so glad im in#bed rn i could have made so many bad decisions#im like this close to posting one of the thirst(?) pics i took on my sideblog that i havent touched in a month#oh my god im fucking up so many words . gang im not pretending here i drank like 2 shots tops and its Fucking me somehow#WAIT I CAN EDIT TAGS#typos fixed :sunglasses:#genuinely crazy how much im feeling it tho ive literally Never felt it this much. id ask if ibuprofen or spiro interact w alcohol but i#think there was a decent amount of time between when i took both#yeah like i took spiro ~10:57 and then uh drank after. 11 hm ok this isnt as spaced out as i expected#i dont think im going to alcohol jail tho. im being responsible im In Bed im not gonna go do anything stupid (altho i do. want to ask#someone downstairs to do something stupid. but maybe thats the alcohol talking)#also shileas is downstairs and shes a bitch and i dont want to be cringy in front of her#i dont know if shes trans or just a really masc lesbian btw . shes cool but she also has some bad takes sometimes and i dont think she#likes me#im writng so many tags <3 but thats what love is. if anyones read this far idk like the post or something#you know the one post where the person puts an egg in their mouth. and then people share the tags. this is that#i was gonna be typing this out on a discord server but i thought no. this deserves to have everyone see it#man also if i went down and asked like if anyone wants to fuck like who would say yes . shileas is a super senior maeve is in a relationshi#p#i dont like riley and . man idk about griffin. but i think im a lesbian. maybe im just desperate.#bUT IM NOT GONNA. im not gonna.#i dont want to sleep tho i want to have fun :(( but my roommate is asleep#& its not like anyones gonna fuck me on this bed . with like my lovies (thats what i call my stuffed animals) and shit .#i genuinely didnt expect that i could get this drunk and whats crazy is i know i could be more drunk#can u imagine if someone reads this and goes 'well shes clearly sober and faking it' no </3 im simply very eloquent i was neglected as#a child so i read alot lol#whoops *a lot not alot#wasnt there a limit of like 26 tags. when do i hit that
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#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least#this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of#place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone#hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always#called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know#i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a#nightmare to make this work now#and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector#today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first#and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh#also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same#time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again#anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon
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im about to complain so hard about irl people u best believe it
#but its not really about this person specifically. disregarding the fact she annoys me so much#this girl has always made me feel like an evil bitch who is only capable of hurting everyone around me. and her friends told me as much#and whats worse is we used to be friends too. im not gonna lie and say i never made mistakes in my friendships#but theres a difference between showing me i did something wrong and demonizing me for it#but somehow she has been following me everywhere i go. she followed me to a summer program. she followed me in volunteer programs.#she followed me to my damn high school and then she followed me to that stupid group job interview#and shes better than me in every single way and i wouldnt care if i just didnt know her#i hate feeling jealous and petty like this because then i feel like im proving her right but oh my god#i wouldnt care if i didnt get that job if SHE didnt answer those questions perfectly with no struggle or stutter and such a big smile#everytime she shows up its like theres no point that i do anything at all#who cares if i dont get a job but why would it have to be given to HER. and i know it will. because shes better and she always does#the only time she doesnt get something is if she herself refuses it. and i try to ignore it i try not to feel this way#because it feels so gross and like she was right about me all along. but im so tired too#aricouldyounot
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people who don't understand how long distant friendships can be healthy and safe really infuriate me. sorry babe you don't even know how to navigate a streaming site without getting ads if i don't give you a pay by play, i get that you're a dumbass when it comes to how people can be digital yet safe. but fucking hell throwing away a 10 year relationship over your fears? rooted in truly thinking i must be a dumbass who didn't do my due diligence in checking all the details of a person who's been my friend for 3 years. if i were a petty bitch i'd tell her how fucked it is that as she believes im going into a dangerous situation is when she's okay with stepping back and losing my trust? like yeah because that's the right thing to do when youre worrying about someones safety. also petty x2 would be saying how i kept my mouth shut beyond initial complaints when she was in toxic relationships because i knew i needed to be someone she felt safe coming to when she finally got to the point of leaving.
#fuck#god i needed to rant#it just boggles my fucking mind#like im fine with her thinking my choice is absolutely stupid AND with her telling me that#i expected that#but going no contact for over a week after telling her the news?#“sorry i forgot cause i was coming home from mexico”#babe that aint a 10 day trip home#and you know what N has adhd too so yeah he has also forgotten to respond for days at a time#but when i drop a bomb like moving out of state#you bet your ass he'll be remembering the need to respond before being reminded by me 10 days later#although to be fair ive never dropped a bomb like that on him#but we've had many breaks in convo between his and my forgetting but when its something that he cares about ofc hes reaching out#and thats the point#anyway if only she still read my tumblr lmao#i just don't get how she seems to not even know who i am and what processes i went through to make this choice#shit was like a year in the making#she's known about the possibility! fuck#petty x3 would be telling her that if she had followed through with our plans to move in together when her lease ended#right at the perfect time of when i would have to move out#well then id still be here. but no she did what was right for her and her boyfriend#which obviously frustrating but i fucking respected it#personal#liz#she just sent me a snap#im curious but no#i refuse#ill check it in 10 days lmao#its been 40 minutes but im back baby#i just remembered that she even knows that i was “catfished” when i was like 12
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Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard
#ignore me#my life has been too good lately and I'm starring to go insane from everything working#i hate myself so much#I've been trying ao be more social and be a good mom and be someone that my daughter can look up to and my husband can love#but it always ends up with me hating myself so fucking much#I've been eating too many sweets which already is setting a bad example qhen it comes to a healthy diet and my media consumption has been#worse lately and my anxiety is now making me unabke to sleep and I've stopped going on daily walks cause the pain is back#it was so nice not having it around for a while and it is makibg everything so much harder#the sleep makes me more irritable and i feel like all i do is fail my baby#my husbans said he doesnt feel loved by me anymore and I've been trying so hard to manage household baby and everything else but its not#enough i always feel like I'm never enough#I've been a horrible friend like always so i guess that is a constant thing in my life#as if that isnt the worst when my mental health gets worse i start getting flashbacks to remind me of everything that went wrong with me#and that just fuels my anxiety around my daughter living through everything i did as a child and i just cant do this#i just wish i could sleeo again#i think all of this is sleep deprivation but i don't know how to do everything without losing sleep or something#i just wanna rest and sleep for more then four hours without veing woken up#god what i would give for eight hours of continuous sleep#but my husbands shifts are so shit that i cant do that to him... also now that I'm at home he's the only one working and I'm terrified of#loosing him so i dont want him to be at work without sleeping well cause it could actually kill him#worst of all I'm just too stupid to ask for help or bother anyone with my stupid problems#and every time I'm away from her she just screams and i just can't take her screams anyo#anymore#i just want to pee and ahit and eat in peace
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ah heem heem......
#literally my boss called me into her office and was like 'if you have anything to say tell me now'#'if we start the investigation and find anything we have to fire you'#and i was like 'you know me. you know that i have never taken anything and never paid for it.'#ive taken stuff and paid for it later that day or the next day#but NEVER?? no#i love this stupid job why would i steal from it#and in her defense she did say that there was no bad blood and we were okay#but like that means that if she sees something weird its like 'nothing personal youre fired'#i literally know she WONT fiind anything weird. thats the point. i didnt do anything#but it makes me feel suspicious and that me saying i didnt do anything is an admission of uilt#guilt#aand the more upset and nervous i get the less believable i seem#which makes me MORE UPSET AND NERVOUS#and i told a coworker about it and they really were acting like i did it#like BITCH IVE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS YOU THINK I DID IT???#have i stolen before?? did i used to steal all the time and just dont remember???#what if i took something once and was like 'yeah i'll pay for it later tonight' and forgot and now its gonna cost me my job#because heres the thing#that VERY WELL couldve happened#my adhd is a fucking bad i very well couldve done that#she picked the perfect time to accuse me of this to retaliate too#last month we lost a lot of money at our snack market#which indicates a lot of theft#and i live here so it'd be easy for me to do#that doesnt mean i did it tho#god this is so upsetting#and this is gonna be a no news is good news situation bc i dont imagine they'll call me in and be like#'we went over months of footage and you have been found NOT guilty! :D'#like no if they dont find anything they'll just never bring it up again#but like that means im gonna be waiting for the other shoe to drop for the rest of the time im working here
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Steve sighs as Robin cackles and opens the door to the break room to add yet another tally to the “You Suck” side of her whiteboard. He hopes she lingers for a bit so he can get a break from the constant reminder that yes, he does suck. But the stupid hat and sailor uniform is enough of a reminder already.
And okay, maybe he enjoys Robin’s company a little bit, so maybe he doesn’t want her to linger for too long.
But he’ll never tell her that. Not in a million years.
Out of the corner of his eye, he spots someone walk into the entrance and he turns to give his “ahoy there” speech that Robin refuses to utter a single word of. Only, he gets a little choked up when he realizes he knows the person.
Well, not exactly knows him. But it’s hard not to know of Eddie “The Freak” Munson. Especially if you go to high school with him and happen to be a jock, god forbid. Not that Steve ever disagreed with the things he said, although some of it went right over his head - okay, most of it did. But! All things said, Eddie had a habit of making himself known to people.
“Ahoy there!” Steve announces louder than intended. “Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me? I’ll be your captain.” He leaves out his name because what’s the point? It’s not like Eddie isn’t aware of his existence or at least his last name which sometimes made a feature in his tabletop speeches.
“Steve Harrington,” Eddie says for him, apparently knowing his first name. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” Surprisingly, it’s not said in complete distaste. In fact, Eddie is smiling widely at him, eyes roaming over the uniform and landing on the hat.
Steve sighs, “Trust me, I know. So, what can I get for you today?”
Eddie smiles wickedly and asks, “Why don’t we set sail on this ocean of flavor and you can show me around, captain?”
A blush creeps its way up Steve’s neck and begins to burn at his cheeks. Probably from the humiliation. Nevertheless, he points out each different flavor and goes into detail about what’s in each since Eddie seems to be enjoying the humiliation, but Steve doesn’t mind it too much since he feels like he’s getting his undivided attention. And something about that makes Steve feel… less sucky.
He glances up at the end of his speech about the last flavor and catches Eddie staring at him with a small smile on his face, more genuine than before.
“What?” Steve can’t help but ask.
Eddie shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says, but the lie is clear to both of them. “I’ll get the USS Butterscotch.”
Something about the flavor makes Steve hesitate.
“What?” Eddie asks this time, slightly defensive.
“Nothing,” Steve says with a shake of his head. “Cup or cone?”
Eddie laughs, “Come on, you can’t do that.”
“Do what?”
Eddie gestures at him. “Make that face and then pretend like you weren’t thinking anything.”
Steve raises his eyebrows at him. “And you can?”
Eddie’s mouth opens and closes a few times before he leans across the top of the glass dramatically and puts his head in his hands. “I’ll get a cone please.”
Something about the image makes Steve laugh as he grabs a cone and scoop, making the order for Eddie. "You know." he says, wishing the ice cream was the slightest bit softer, "I was expecting you to get something like death by chocolate or coffee."
"Why's that?" Eddie asks curiously.
Steve glances up at him and shrugs. “Those flavors are more…” he struggles to find the right word.
“Metal?” Eddie asks, sounding almost hopeful.
“Exactly.”
The smile on his face grows. “Well, I’m glad you see me as someone metal, Steve. But what, just because you’re a jock, I’m supposed to expect you to like some gross flavor like bubblegum?”
Steve frowns. “I like bubblegum ice cream.”
Eddie sighs and runs his hands over his face. “Of course you do.” He takes a moment to look over Steve again. “But looking at you now, I’d assume your favorite flavor would be the USS butterscotch.”
“Because of the stupid hat, right?” Steve asks as he drizzles extra caramel on the top of the cone.
“I think the hat is cute,” Eddie replies.
The comment sends Steve’s heart into a bit of a frenzy for a moment before he collects himself and hands the cone over in exchange for the bill in Eddie’s hand. He counts the change two times, trying to make sure he doesn’t make a mistake as a bunch of panicky thoughts go through his head. He hands the change over quickly but hesitates when Eddie stares at it and frowns. “Something wrong?” Steve asks.
Eddie glances up at the menu, down at his change, and takes a moment before saying, “Sorry, you just charged me for a single scoop when this is a double with an extra topping.”
Steve frowns and looks at the cone. “The topping is on the house, but that’s a single scoop.”
Eddie glances up at him and raises his eyebrows.
“A generous single scoop,” Steve corrects himself.
There’s a pause before Eddie’s smile widens, and the corners of his eyes crinkle up cutely. “I think i just found my new favorite ice cream place.”
Steve laughs, “Better than Linda’s Ice Cream Parlor?”
“Linda would call this a triple scoop and wouldn’t give me a topping but she would still make me pay the extra just for asking,” Eddie complains with a smile.
“Well, I would never do that to you.”
“Is that so?” Eddie asks, leaning forward a bit.
Steve’s eyes glance down at Eddie’s lips momentarily as he tries to come up with a response.
“Hey dingus, there was a horrible delivery you missed…” Robin trails off as she looks between the two, effectively ruining the moment.
“See you around, Harrington,” Eddie says with a wink, tongue darting out and gathering up a bit of white ice cream and letting it disappear into his mouth.
Steve feels a familiar heat in the pit of his stomach and nearly groans. Instead he hurriedly tells Robin, “I’m taking my break!” And effectively ignores the look she’s giving him.
Back in the break room, Steve walks up to the board and stares at it, glancing at the “You Rule” column and whispering, “Almost,” before sighing and putting his head in his hands.
He can’t believe that Eddie Munson is sending him into a sexuality crisis. Yet, he hopes he comes back often the rest of summer. And maybe he’ll finally be able to get that “You Rule” tally.
#steddie#steddie ficlet#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#scoops ahoy#season three steddie#scoops ahoy steve
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come for me | jjk
↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; it's a first proper date he's supposed to plan, unfortunately it does not go according to his plan
⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dilf!jungkook x reader
⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, fluff, smut, neighbors au, enemies to lovers (?)
⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, protected s*x, little spanking, rough and quick s*x
⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6.6k+
a/n: this is one of the secrets I've been keeping and god it's finally here!! i wasn't even planning on finishing this today but I did and I'm so happy to share it with you! hope you like it <3
↳ previous parts
Jungkook is convinced the entire world sucks.
What should be considered as the most exciting time for some men, Jungkook finds it as a literal torture. Planning a date shouldn't be so tough. He has never truly done it before – not when he truly meant it. Whenever he went out for what could be considered as a pathetic attempt at a date, its purpose was clear. To fuck and end it with a mind-blowing orgasm on both parts.
He has never done it like… this.
Fuck.
Just the thought of it makes him want to throw up. He definitely can't mention that to you – who's pretty much clueless about his thoughts and would kick him in the balls if you knew.
“I don't know dude, you should bring her roses.” Taehyung proposes, watching his friend in a mild panic as he bounces Ruda in his arms.
“She's not like other girls.”
“What do you mean? Every woman loves roses! You can't go wrong with that!” Taehyung protests, offended that Jungkook rejected his idea right away.
“I wouldn't say every but yeah, it's the effort that counts. Plus, she knows you've never done this before.” Yoongi joins in that conversation, shrugging nonchalantly while Jungkook nibbles on his bottom lip.
Fuck! This is not like him.
It's already enough his friends share an amused look, one he definitely notices and finds really offending. They find this entire thing very amusing while Jungkook is having a midlife crisis.
“Okay, maybe forget about the flowers. What does she like?”
“What do you mean?” Jungkook frowns.
Yoongi rolls his eyes, “What things does she like to do? Does she like to eat? Likes to watch movies?”
Jungkook's a little taken back by those questions, a clueless expression clouding his face while Taehyung snorts in the background. He's too busy trying to think of a proper answer to glare at him in return.
“I–I don't know,” he admits.
“You don't know?” Yoongi deadpans, “Come on dude, you gotta know something.”
“I don't know!” he exclaims in distress, causing Ruda to babble as if to remind him she's there. He shoots her an apologetic look, looking back at Yoongi. “We never really discussed that kind of stuff. We fucked. That's what she likes for sure.”
“Should you talk like that in front of the baby?” Taehyung points out, met with another glare that shuts him up.
Ruda is too young to understand. He'll take care of his bad mouth by the time she understands, he naively thinks to himself.
“Then just fuck her.”
Jungkook stares dumbfoundedly at his friend and his stupid idea. “Seriously? I'm supposed to take her on a date. Beats the whole purpose of it if I just fuck her instead.”
“Look at him, so much progress.” Taehyung mutters amusingly, causing Jungkook to grab one of Ruda's plushies and throw it aggressively at Taehyung's head.
“Then just take her somewhere and fuck her after. If the date is awful, at least she gets her world rocked.”
They both start to laugh while Jungkook whines loudly, a groan following right after. “You guys are fucking with me. Literally, you're no help.”
“JK, we can't exactly help you when you have no idea what she likes. Maybe you should find out first and then think of something?”
“Oh, how did I not think of it sooner?” Jungkook mocks, doing a little stance with his arms while Ruda is in his hold. “Very smart, Yoongi. I don't want to make it seem as if I don't know what I'm doing.”
“What's so wrong about that?” Taehyung questions, “You just ask her what she prefers and it'll be easier to plan something.”
“Yeah, he's right.”
Jungkook sighs, pinching his brows. Ruda starts to fidget in his hold, causing him to sit down in a chair. He hands her one of her rattles as she starts to wildly shake it in her tiny hands.
“Won't I look pathetic if I just asked her?”
“You literally look pathetic right now.”
“Taehyung, God help me–”
“Just ask her.” He cuts him off.
Somehow, he made it sound easier than the thought of it is.
The next time you see Jungkook is when you bring him the dinner you cooked. You haven't had that much time to see each other, with you working and his sleeping schedule all over the place, you had to settle with a message for the time being. It hasn't been that long, only like three days since he asked you on a date.
You're not going to lie, you feel a little giddy thinking of it. It's weird because you can't imagine the famous Jeon Jungkook on a date. If someone mentioned the words date and Jungkook in the same sentence, you would laugh them off. But now that it involves you, you find it almost flattering. He's taking you on a date.
You.
And no one else.
You want to devilishly cackle at all those bitches that got to fuck him, wanted something more with him. Realizing that's kind of evil, you humble yourself because nothing's sure yet.
Since this is very new to not only you but Jungkook as well, it's hard to have any say when it comes to the future. You're trying to prepare yourself for any outcomes but it's tough. Tougher than you think it would be. The idea of this failing makes you weirdly sad and you can't stand it.
However the sight in front of you completely brings you to other thoughts. You've never been someone who would thirst over dads. The whole DILF thing discussed between women was a pure fantasy, something they would romanize or even sexualize. Not that you were purely against it. Are women who find young dads hot that bad?
The potential man would have to be hot in order to find them being a young dad hot. Some men just have that spark. And you've never really met one even remotely close to Jungkook.
And there he is.
He opens his front door, hair slightly raffled and messy, as if he hasn't brushed it the entire day. He has one of his oversized gray shirts on, a map of spit or whatever that is decorating the thin material. He has a baby cloth draped over his shoulder, momentarily widening his eyes at the sight of you.
Then realization hits him and he steals a glance at the watch around his wrist. He forgot you were supposed to drop in for dinner.
Other than he looks fucking hot, even in his messy state, you also find him adorable how he stares at you with big doe eyes before he ushers you to come inside.
“Where's my favorite baby?” you ask excitedly, keeping your tone down just in case she's sleeping. It's awfully quiet in Jungkook's apartment.
“You make it sound as if you knew dozens of them.”
You give him a look, hearing him chuckling as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Rude.”
“She's sleeping,” he answers instead, but a cocky grin is attached to his moisturized lips. “She's been a little cranky this night,” He lets out a yawn. “Barely got any sleep.”
You pout at the thought of it. “You should've told me. We could switch or something.”
He stares at you dumbfounded as if you just came up with the craziest idea. Perhaps it is one.
“You have a job, Y/N. I can't let you have a sleepless night.”
He has a point. Even if you were willing to spend a sleepless night helping him, you wouldn't really help much since you have to wake up early in the morning. You can't babysit during the day, unless it's the weekend. And babysitting during the night so Jungkook can sleep, even if for a few hours would cause you to look like a zombie the next morning.
You love your sleep. But you're willing to give it away for Ruda. And Jungkook.
Jungkook ends that particular topic, leading you further down his apartment and to his kitchen where you place the containers. “It's tomato sauce pasta with chicken and basil. Not exactly a trophy winning menu but I tried to cook something quickly.”
“Fuck, I'm so hungry,” Jungkook whines, opening the container as he inhales the scent, a steam coming off it since you just finished cooking. “Thank you. It smells amazing.”
“No worries, I told you I wanna help in any way I can.” you assure him.
He motions for you to sit down, already pulling out a glass for you where he pours you an apple juice. “Have you eaten?” he asks, already digging his fork into pasta.
“It's hot, be careful,” you warn him, even though the steam itself is enough of an indicator that it's indeed very hot. But Jungkook looks as if he's ready to swallow the entire thing with no thoughts. “And no. I came directly here but no worries, I will eat when I come home.”
“Nonsense,” Jungkook waves you off. You watch him stand up and before you can complain, he pulls out a plate for you and opens the other container you had prepared for him for tomorrow. “Here, let's eat together.”
“Jungkook–I have my food at home, I just came here to drop this–”
“Stay for a while.” he says simply, looking too irresistible and straight into your eyes for you to object.
“Okay.”
You dig into the food, not realizing how hungry you've become once again. Your entire apartment smells like tomato sauce, garlic and basil. You hope by the time you come there, the opened windows did their job because you would hate to sleep in a smelly apartment.
When you were cooking, you inhaled the smell a lot so naturally, you didn't feel as hungry anymore but now the hunger comes back. Without any argument, you both eat in silence while trying to talk about your days.
You and Jungkook haven't really talked that much before. You both know what you spent most of the time doing. That's changing and it is a pleasant change.
It does feel slightly odd to be talking about casual stuff like your work. But once Jungkook takes over and talks you through their day. He's got a lot on his plate. He has a baby for fuck sake. He looks exhausted, yet his eyes are sparkling and he doesn't make it sound as if he's complaining. He informs you, even laughs at Ruda's cranky mood and what work she makes him go through.
You're done and Jungkook takes it upon himself to clean the dishes and give you back your food containers, even though you told him it can wait. He protests and while he just as much protests with you cleaning the mess in his living room, you do it anyway.
There are toys and a few dirty and empty bottles laying around. There's not that much of a mess and it's done shortly after Jungkook finishes dishes.
You both decide to hang out for a while before you have to get home, take a shower and prepare yourself for the night.
“Hey, I meant to ask you about something…”
Jungkook starts unsurely, arm outstretched behind your seat on his couch as you're cuddled to his side. You could fall asleep like this.
“It's about our date.”
You pull away slightly to look at his face, “Are you backing down from it?” you muse, watching the way his face turns into panic and that alone tells you that's far from the truth. It's enough to let you relax as you giggle.
“No!”
“Then what is it?” you ask, cuddling back but in a position where you still can see him.
“What do you like to do?” he asks, a little awkward as he scratches the back of his head. “It sounds fucking stupid but I was wondering where to take you and I realized–we never talked about this stuff. And I–” Don't want to mess up. He doesn't finish.
Something warm collects in your chest and you try to hide a smile, not wanting him to feel as if you're finding him amusing or anything of that sort. Actually, you find him endearing. He's showing you a side of himself that you've never seen before.
“Whatever you plan, I'm sure I'll enjoy it.” You settle on saying, not having anything particular in mind which is not a help at all.
“Come on!” Jungkook whines, “I'm trying here. I've never done this shit before.”
“Did you just call our date a shit?” you tease him, watching him open his mouth before he closes it and glares at you.
“I didn't mean it like that.”
“I know, I just love teasing you,” you muse, met with another glare which causes you to giggle silently. “I've never seen you like this. I'm quite enjoying it.”
“Yeah, make fun of me.” he scoffs a little.
Realizing this might not be just as fun and humorous as you make it seem to be, you also realize this must be important to him in a way. Your smile drops and you sit up, watching him slide his arm off the couch and into his lap. He stares there thoughtfully, avoiding your gaze.
“I'm sorry, I didn't think you would worry about it this much,” you tell him gently, “Depends on what time we would go on a date.”
“I called my mom and she can babysit until 9PM. She has to go back home after that.”
“Hm, okay. And what time are we meeting?”
“I thought maybe around… four?” he says, stealing a glance at you as your purse your lips in thought.
“How about we eat somewhere nice–nothing fancy!” you warn him, not really sure if he's the type to go all out since he has never done this before.
But still, you want to make sure he doesn't spend a fortune on a single date. Plus, you would like to pay too. Not because he has a baby and other expenses, but because you're independent. You don't need a man to pay for everything.
Maybe eventually it would be nice to get spoiled a little. But at the moment, you can't imagine it. It wouldn't seem fair considering what a position he's in now. There's a little human here that needs more of everything than you do.
It's not something you've had to come to terms with, you've understood it from the beginning. Jungkook is a dad now. And it has a certain baggage with it.
“And then we could do something–I don't know. Maybe we could think about it after? To see what we're in the mood for.”
“You sure you'll be okay with it?” he asks unsure.
He's met with a confusion as you pull back and say; “Why wouldn't I be? I just suggested it.” you giggle.
“Just askin'. I've never done this before.”
“So you said.” you tell him, standing up. “I would go and check Ruda but I don't want to wake her up. So kiss her for me, okay?”
Jungkook looks like he's ready to protest, perhaps telling you to stay a little longer or even night, knowing it might be too soon for you. Once he checks the time, he remains quiet and the pout is the only thing visible on his face.
You lean down, kissing him on his cheek. “Don't worry about the date too much, okay?”
He hums, though keeps his pessimism to himself. You wave at him for the last time and it's until he hears a soft click that he's once again alone with his daughter. The one that announces herself shortly after you leave. A loud sigh leaving his mouth as he stands up and goes to check on her.
“What do you mean you can't come?” Jungkook shrieks, so out of his character that even his mother on the other line stays silent for a second.
“I'm sorry, Jungkookie. They canceled all train connections because of an accident.”
“Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath, hearing his mother scolding him but he pays her zero attention. “Can you grab a taxi or something? I'll pay for it.”
It's out of his budget but he's desperate.
“No, it's too expensive plus I wouldn't be able to make it in time. You know how it is here. It's hard to find a taxi.”
He groans, rubbing his face frustratedly as he stares out of the window. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
He had it all planned. Even though you talked about getting food, he thought a lot – embarrassed to say – he even googled a few spots that were recommended around here. He would let you choose and maybe you would be able to visit them all within five hours that you would have for yourselves.
But now everything's out of the window.
“I could come tomorrow?” She tries to help, but Jungkook shakes his head.
You can't tomorrow. There's some kind of family party you need to attend.
“No, it's fine, mom. I'll call you later.”
“I really am sorry, Jungkookie.”
He starts to think of every single thing that he knows. Every person gets on his mind and he wonders if he should call them. In a moment of realization and reality hitting back to him, he realizes he can't just call anyone to watch over his daughter. He sits down in disappointment, realizing how selfish that would be of him.
He can't call Yoongi or Taehyung. They would not be able to take care of her and he would spend the entire date worrying, probably leaving to check on her. That's completely out of the question. None of his other friends, that probably fuck around as we're speaking would be able to help him.
None of his family members are around. Plus, they still haven't met Ruda – most of them – for some reason he thinks it's too early. He's still in a stage of trying to figure out to be a father.
It's only his luck that his mom calls him from the train station, having no other way to come here. Just because some dumb fuck decided to jump in front of the train.
He stops.
Fuck, he really is selfish.
He takes it back immediately, having more compassion now than ever since he has a whole baby to raise and take care of.
You're supposed to be here any minute. He had it all planned.
His mom should've been here soon, he would briefly talk her through Ruda's routine. He trusts her. She raised him and could surely take care of a baby. Plus, Ruda's sleep is better these days and she's too little to make a fuss about her dad not being here.
When a knock resounds on his door, his entire stomach churns and he prepares himself for the disappointment that he seems to be. It's even worse when he opens the front door and you stand there, fully prepared in a short dress. Your hair is neat and nicely done, so is your make-up. Not that you aren't pretty either way, but he can definitely tell the extra effort you've put into yourself.
It truly makes him feel like the biggest asshole.
You smile, telling him something but he can't hear. He just stares, both out of awe and then frustration when he realizes what he's about to tell you.
“What's wrong?” Your smile drops, making a note of his weird expression of pure sadness.
“We can't go on a date,” He forces the words out of his mouth.
It's weird how his heart drops when you suddenly grab the strap of your bag, looking as if you're shielding yourself from him.
“It's–My mom just called and she can't get on the train.”
“Oh,” you let out. “That sucks.”
“Yeah, um–come inside.” he says, gently grabbing your wrist as he pulls you inside. He doesn't need any nosy neighbors witnessing this very uncomfortable and awkward situation.
You stand in his entry way, looking around in awkwardness as he scratches his temple.
He's obviously styled and prepared to go out. You've noticed his nice outfit right away. He's wearing black slacks with a casual white t-shirt tucked inside it. His hair is trimmed and styled back. You can smell his aftershave and hair gel along with his cologne.
Clearly, he hasn't stood you up and what he's saying is the truth.
It's not like you doubt him but well – all of this is new and maybe it wouldn't be so out of character if Jungkook panicked and decided to make a lie to save himself.
“I'm so sorry–I really had everything prepared for tonight. And it's completely ruined. I fucked up.”
You frown, staring at him for a second. “You didn't fuck up, Jungkook.” you tell him softly. “It's not your fault.”
“I thought of calling one of my friends, but they're not able to take care of Ruda–I can't just let them–”
Probably they wouldn't even want to babysit, now that he thinks of it.
“Jungkook, it's totally okay. I understand.”
“I can't let just anyone watch over her.”
“I understand,” you emphasize softly, smiling at him. “How about we take her with us?”
Jungkook's head snaps in your direction, looking at you as if you're crazy. “You wanna take a baby with us? Nothing against Ruda but–we're not gonna be able to enjoy it. She will cry eventually and I had plans–I can't possibly imagine taking her there–it's too much work.”
He panics and you need to get a hold of his shoulders to stop him.
“We don't have to take her to the restaurant or wherever you want to go,” you inform him, “We could just take her for a stroll and see from there? If she's gonna cry and be cranky, we'll just come back.”
You're not a mother yourself, but somehow you can empathize with his situation. He hasn't taken her out for too long, not onto too many public places. Until you count grocery stories and nearby parks. He's by himself most of the time. While he finally got the hang of the feeding, bath and sleeping routine, the thought of suddenly taking her there makes him unsure. Even though he knows he'll have to do it eventually.
“Plus, I will be there. It's gonna be the two of us.”
Something about that specific line makes him pause as he watches you. You give him a look, wondering what's the stare for but he just smiles. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” you assure him. “Nothing's ruined. Plus, I think I'll prefer Ruda's company there too.”
He looks at you suspiciously, almost like he doesn't believe you. And perhaps he doesn't. But you giggle. “I'm serious. There's gonna be time to enjoy ourselves alone.”
“I–” he stops, “Wow. Okay. I'll prepare her and we can go.”
“Great,” you smile, “I'll prepare her stroller. Do you have any formula prepared?”
“Yeah, had one prepared for mom. It should still be warm.”
You both jump into action. Jungkook takes Ruda out of her cradle that he bought for her and has its place designed in his living room. She starts to wake up, her little face twisting as you coo at her while you walk past them. You prepare the bottle and stroller, watching Jungkook put her there as you bring some extra clothes for her just in case.
You're out of his apartment in a record time, fully prepared as you shoo Jungkook and take the stroller. He walks beside you with a teasing smile, but there's a huge relief and content behind it.
Jungkook's nerves are put at ease.
Not only you but the situation proves to him that he can still go and eat out, even with a baby. Ruda has been like an angel. Once she's awake, she just stares around before she falls asleep shortly after. You feed her in a nearby park which slowly lullabies her to sleep.
After walking and getting to know each other's interests through stories, you find a nice restaurant where you can eat outside. It's not probably what Jungkook had planned but it has its own magic.
Stroller kept next to you at all times, you fill up your stomach and even sleeping Ruda gets a few compliments along the way.
“Aw, what a cute baby! You have a very pretty baby.” The waitress tells you, beaming from a distance at sleeping Ruda, causing you both to smile.
None of you correct her. Why should you? She's a stranger and it doesn't matter what she thinks. You understand why she would think you're a family. It's a standard here. Nobody expects single dads out here.
Well, not so single anymore. You hope.
“Thank you.” you smile at her in gratitude, eyes dropping to the sleeping angel that's next to you. Okay, maybe you appropriated Jungkook's daughter but he doesn't seem to mind. Actually, it seems like he's enjoying the sight in front of him.
“Your daughter is a star around here.” you tell Jungkook once the waitress is gone.
He chuckles, “Stealing my spotlight from birth.”
“Oh, she definitely helps you catch even more eyes.” you muse, watching him laugh in confusion. “Everyone's staring at you. All those women we walked past. They're thirsting over you.”
“Are you sure it's because of Ruda?”
You roll your eyes while grinning, “So cocky as usual.”
“What? I've always caught a female's gaze if that's what you were saying.”
“Obviously,” you roll your eyes again, “But there's something hot about a young hot dad. You're a DILF now.”
“Don't call me that.” he groans, causing you to laugh.
“Either way, it does bring you attention whether you like it or not.”
“Doesn't matter, I only like your attention,” he says.
The two of you share a look as Jungkook cringes while laughing while you shriek in both excitement and disbelief. You probably look like a crazy couple. “That was smooth!”
He laughs, “I'm trying. I'm not romantic.”
“Are we having this conversation again?” You lift your brow. “Anyway, they can only look. You're on a date with me.”
It's a diplomatic way to say, aiming at something that hasn't been discussed yet. This is your first date after all. None of you have a certain plan.
Yet, you're sure to admit that you don't like the attention Jungkook gets.
“Does that make me your boyfriend?” he asks, tasting the way that words sound out of his mouth.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
“Hell yeah. If it means repelling all the men from you, I will be anything.”
You laugh, “You sound jealous.”
“Because I am,” he says, throwing a piece of sweet potato into his mouth. “I want you all to myself.”
“Hm, I'll think about it. Ruda has a place in my heart too.”
“I can share with her.”
You both share a giggle together, something you've barely done before.
“Does this make it official?” you question.
He shrugs, “If you want it to be. I know I do.”
“Me too,” you tell him giddily, sounding like an excited teenager. “I want to be your girlfriend.”
“Do people get together on a first date though?” he asks, finding you staring dumbfoundedly at him. “No, I'm serious. I really wanna know.”
You sit back, taking a sip of your drink. “Who cares? We kinda did it backwards anyway.”
“True,” Jungkook hums. “Who cares.”
Throughout those four hours of getting to know each other more, the connection between you grew some more. You've found out about Jungkook's secret hobby which is graphic art. It kind of explains the love for his tattoos as well. He's no longer just the boy that partied and fuck his way through his years. Actually, he's not that at all.
His guilty pleasure is eating snacks in the middle of the night, though he really tries to restrict himself from doing so. It's tougher to visit a gym these days, one of his obvious hobbies that you've already known. But he talked more about that and there wasn't a minute that it felt awkward or uncomfortable.
Ruda has been a pleasant company as well, her cuteness making both of you laugh and giggle. You were kind of bonding over her as well. Until it was starting to get darker and the two of you have decided to get back.
On your way to the apartment complex, Ruda has pooped which proved your decision to go back to be right. Jungkook invites you to his place, not too keen on ending your date just yet and you agree. Though, you have to wake up early to pack your things and get ready for your cousin's birthday party, you don't want to leave them.
You offer to take Ruda's nappy but Jungkook refuses, thinking it might be too much to ask of you but truly, you wouldn't mind. You try to tell him that but he just shakes his head, tells you to sit down and make yourself at home.
Shortly after, he comes back informing you that Ruda fell asleep. He joins you on the couch with what sounds like an exhausted sigh. The two of you share a look, both chuckling, silently of course because there's a baby sleeping in the other room.
“Did you like it?”
Jungkook fills up the momentary silence, voice slightly unsure and nervous.
He glances at you sideways, quickly looking away as he clears his throat.
“The date.”
“I did,” you giggle, nodding. “I really did. Thank you, it was very lovely.”
He allows himself to smile, mentally patting himself on his back for this going so smoothly. To be honest, he expected a disaster. It began like that, so he can't be blamed for expecting it to continue. But he's pleasantly surprised.
Too happy about today.
He feels like a freaking teenager and he gets this weird fluttering in his stomach. Urgh! He's not sure how he feels about it because it's new.
“Though you could've let me pay at least for the botanic park–or the museum.” you tell him, giving him a dirty but teasing look.
You've really managed to visit many places Jungkook prepared for you. At first – which you're clueless about – he wasn't sure how to feel about it because he never went to a freaking museum. Maybe when he was on a school trip. It was totally involuntary, of course. But he caught himself enjoying it – and maybe it was because you were there – but he realized he doesn't mind enjoying himself, knowing it's because of you that he was able to.
“No can do.” Jungkook shakes his head, teasing you some more which makes you groan.
“I will pay next time.”
“Next time?” he teases, wiggling his brow.
“Aren't we dating now? It's what couples do, going on dates–”
“We are,” he hums. “What else do they do?”
You smirk, inching closer to him as you cuddle up to his side. He welcomes your touch, throwing his arm around you as he pulls you even closer while he doesn't take his eyes off you.
“They kiss,” you whisper, noses bumping into each other as you let your lips linger over his. Not quite kissing him but then it's too irresistible, he is, that in the end you press a soft kiss on his lips.
“They cuddle,” you continue, “Fuck.”
Jungkook chokes on his spit, “Don't say it like that.”
“Is Jeon Jungkook getting shy?” you tease, kissing his jaw. “You know a lot about fucking.”
“I–fuck–I do,” he agrees, voice sounding almost choked up. He tries to concentrate badly, he really does, but you're making it too hard when your kisses trail down his neck, making more parts of his body alive. “It just makes me–”
“What? Horny?” you tease and he groans.
“Well obviously,” he rolls his eyes, hands on your hips as you sit up and straddle his lap. “Wait–”
“Why?” you pause, cheeks heating up from embarrassment.
“No, wait, wait, wait–” He quickly says as if he could read your thoughts. He can surely see the starting embarrassment and the way you pull away, putting distance between you. “I really want nothing else than fuck you.”
“But?”
Jungkook presses his lips together, “I wanna take it slow. Won't it ruin if we just fuck right now?”
You give him a look, slightly caught off guard. “Why would we? We've done it before multiple times.”
“Yeah, we did but… but it was different, you know?” he says and weirdly, you do know what he means. However– “I just don't want to fuck this up.”
Your eyes soften, taking Jungkook's face into your hands as you press a soft kiss to his lips. “You won't fuck this up, Jungkook.”
“You don't know that.” He frowns.
“Well, yeah. I meant it in a more encouraging way. You're trying and I can see that. I do appreciate it.” you confess to him, silently and softly as if saying it out loud will make it embarrassing. You're a little sheepish when it comes to confessing such things. Talking deeply and emotionally with him. “I personally don't think us having sex tonight will ruin anything. But if that's what you're worried about, we don't have to. What I wanna say with this is–I respect it.”
He watches you, eyes clouded with restraint and desire. Currently having an inner battle with himself, he sighs and leans his head back.
“Plus, I think it's cute.”
“Cute?” he deadpans, moving his head down to look at you.
“You're cute,” you admit, giggling at the look of disgust on his face. “This really means something to you.”
“Does it not to you?”
You laugh, “Of course it does.”
He smiles, pulling you closer as he's the one who kisses you now. “Fuck, you're really making this hard.”
“Not just this.” you point out, wiggling your brows at him when you shift in his lap, feeling his hardening length under you.
“Stop!” he shrieks silently in horrification.
You giggle, “We could watch a movie instead. Or talk.”
He rubs his lips together, eyes dropping low. For a moment, the two of you only stare at each other. There's desire, lust and impatience clouding the air around you, just as much as it fills your gazes. Jungkook's eyes are the first ones to drop down your lips. Staring at them painted in a nice shade that compliments your skin tone. They're moisturized and never looked so tempting. He's not sure. He can't think straight right now.
“Fuck movie.” he pants, grabbing you by your sides and pulling you onto him.
The kiss is no longer soft and minimal, you both practically throw at each other letting your bodies act upon their biggest temptation. The making out is messy and fast, no longer staying at that as Jungkook lays you down and starts kissing you down your neck.
“Fuck, that feels good.” you gasp, moaning when Jungkook lowers down your dress and starts sucking the skin on top of your breasts.
You arch into his touch and warmth, craving for every inch of him. It leads you to become even more impatient, ushering him to take off his shirt. He does and you immediately salivate at his pecs and muscles, hands trailing down his back and abs.
“Fuck, almost forgot how hot you are.” you confess. Okay, that might be a lie. It's hard not to notice how Jungkook glows with hotness, even if there are traces of exhaustion every day.
“Oh, you forgot?” Jungkook teases, “Should remind you.”
“Mhm, you should.”
And boy, he does.
In a split second, the dress is ripped off you and thrown somewhere on the floor, underwear followed right after. You complain about Jungkook's upper body still dressed, though there's something incredibly sexy about him wearing slacks with chest on full display. It's almost too shameful that he turns you around, getting you on all four.
Both of you go completely feral. The position making your ass arch as Jungkook delivers a slap to it. He stops for a second though, freezes and waits for any sound coming from his bedroom. You watch him relax as he continues, a little smile playing on your lips.
You hear him unzipping his slacks, not wanting to get the sight stolen from you so you turn around and stare at the scene in front of you across your shoulder. He smirks, noticing you watching as he reaches toward his coffee table.
Once he pulls out a foil packet, you give him a look with raised brow. “How did it get there?”
“My wallet dropped the other day and someone rang the door, I panicked and put it there.”
You laugh at his story, wondering if he's telling the truth. He looks like it though and quite frankly, you don't care.
“Turned out to be convenient.”
“It did, thanks to whoever rang that day.”
He smiles, not elaborating any further as he takes off his remaining clothes. You hear the familiar sound of foil ripping and before you know it, Jungkook's tip pokes you at your asscheek.
You might be already impatient enough, both of you too hungry for one another, but you also know there is no time to fool around when you now have the chance to have sex. Any second Ruda could wake up and put an end to your and Jungkook's desire. Seems like he knows it too because he gives you an apologetic look.
“It's okay, just fuck me.” you assure him with a moan, arching your back for him.
He spits on his fingers, stretching you out with them and you sigh in content at the feeling. Giving you a few pumps to make you at least somehow prepared for him, you whine his name in ushering him and silently telling him you'll be fine.
That's all it takes for him to enter you, both of you swallowing down any set of curses and sounds. Jungkook pulls back just for him to thrust into you. He finds a perfect rhythm, rocking your bodies fast and roughly.
Jungkook growls, “Holy shit.”
He slaps your ass, trying to keep it down as you both giggle in the middle of it. It's soon cut off by his thrusts you try to meet. Giggles get switched by silent moans and pleas. Everything is heated and rushed, both of you ultimately aiming to orgasm knowing it could get interrupted any minute. Keeping that in mind, you don't hold yourself back and neither does Jungkook.
Despite your situation, he does not refrain himself a few slaps to your ass which only brings you closer to the end.
“Jungkook–”
“Fucking hell, I wish I could hear you moaning and screaming.”
You wish you had more time, though you don't regret it happening now. You wouldn't have it any other way. Thinking that you both would have to wait for each other sounds like a proper torture.
“You're fucking creaming my cock–fuck.” he groans silently, seeming to have as much as struggle to keep it down.
Still, it's kind of hot to experience it. You never had to keep it down. Sure, there were many times when you specifically had sex and tried to be silent because of neighbors. With Jungkook, you never cared about neighbors before. Not that much at least.
“Fuck–I'm almost–there.”
“Come for me.” Jungkook grunts, hands gripping your ass so much that you're sure there will be bruises tomorrow.
And you do. Not even five seconds later, you bury your face into his couch and let moans disappear into its material. Jungkook follows right after you, not being able to hold it for much longer as he comes inside the condom.
He stays inside for a moment, softening slowly as he carefully helps you to turn around. He sits back on his knees, condom soiled by your cum and juices but none of you move.
You stare at each other, smiles coming up at the same time as you silently giggle.
This is the best date ever.
#networkbangtan#ksmutclub#btswritingcafe#ficswithluv#bts smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook fic#jungkook smut#bts fluff#bts angst#bts au#jungkook fanfic#jungkook drabble#dilf!jungkook
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Since requests are open, here's my suggestion: I recently revisited my old mythology book and found one of the myths about aphrodite bathing in a lake and blinds some pervs that sneaked up to watch her. Now, the reader might not have the powers of a goddess but you know what she does have? A dagger-happy vampire boyfriend more than willing to shank unwanted peeping toms (in his defense, he actually asked if he could be there, so no harm done here). Idk, I just like the idea of the reader having scary dog privileges and Astarion not minding looking menacing/scary while doing so
Thank you so, so much for this request, anon. It's an absolutely incredible concept, and it fits Astarion so well! I had such a fun time writing it, and I really hope you enjoy the result!
For Your Eyes Only
Astarion x F!Reader - NSFW
Content warnings: Mentions of brief, non-consensual voyeurism. Somewhat graphic violence, as well as mentions of blood, degrading terms, and the description of an injury and death. Explicit sexual content, including: oral sex (receiving), penetrative sex, fingering, multiple orgasms, blood drinking, and ear play.
Tags: Takes place post-Cazador, some point in Act 3. Includes mild spoilers. Established relationship, a bit of emotional hurt/comfort, and tender smut.
Word Count: 5.8k
After the darkness and chill of the Shadowlands, the heat in the city feels suffocating.
You missed the warmth dearly back then, trudging through despair and gloom, thinking of nothing but the inevitable relief of the city. Your bones always ached something awful in that foul place, never warm enough to ward away the icy air. Now, though, it occurs to you that you hadn’t fully appreciated the cold when you had it.
The sun that streams down from the skies is blistering - scorching, even - and without reprieve or relief. Sweat courses down your neck, soaking the collar of your shirt. Your socks are damp inside your boots, and where the leather meets your calves, they’re chafing.
Gods, what you wouldn’t give for a bit of that chill again. Even with the achy bones.
What’s worse is the mud, somehow. One would think that Baldur’s Gate would be scarce on its share of the stuff, but it’s everywhere. Tracked up from Rivington, puddling in the streets, clinging to the bottom of boots.
Granted, your boots have seen more than their fair share of mud since the nautiloid: sticky, wet, warm. It’s seeped into socks and splattered across new armor, stained some of your favorite nightwear. Sometimes, when you’ve finally settled down for dinner, you’ve been able to taste it. No amount of scrubbing rids you of the earthy, bitter taste for long.
The mud in front of you is different, though. By all accounts, the heat should have baked everything at least somewhat dry, but this puddle remains. If it can even be called a puddle, really. The gloppy, wet mess looks more like a pond, and completely blocks the only path ahead. Even the edges of it remain entirely liquid. If you didn’t know better, you’d think it’d just rained.
A quick glance at your map confirms what you’d feared; this is the only nearby route to your destination. You’re on the outskirts of the city. Rock walls line either side of the path, too steep to climb. You know for a fact that Shadowheart had recently used your last Potion of Flying. Either you lose hours of progress to get Gale from camp so you can cross, or you’ll have to proceed through this stupid pond.
Astarion watches you eye the mess with a dramatic flick of his wrist. “Oh, by all means, darling, you go first!” he exclaims, raising a brow. “It won’t be me jumping in that slop.”
Karlach frowns at the mud’s appearance, tapping the toe of her boot against the surface. It ripples at the movement, brown waves gently sloshing against the surface of the nearby stone. “Can’t be that deep, right?”
“I don’t know,” you reply. You’re aching for a stick or loose branch, something to measure it, but there’s nothing around. Just grass and stone, the scalding sun on the back of your neck, and the muddy pond directly in the middle of the path.
“I say we go back,” Shadowheart urges. “I don’t know about any of you, but I’m not keen on dirtying myself.”
“We’d have to backtrack through hours of traveling,” you point out. “There’s no other way forward. I’ve checked the map.”
“Fine,” she relents, crossing her arms across her chest. “You go first, and we’ll follow behind you. Once we’ve seen it’s safe, that is.”
And, hells, you do not want to step foot in there. Not one bit. Still, do you have much of a choice? Your feet are already aching from the day’s walk. It would be devastating to lose all your progress. So, no - you really don’t have a choice, not if you want to get those Netherstones and stop the Absolute in time. The quakes in the city have only been getting worse.
“Alright,” you finally reply, your voice stronger than you feel.
You step forward, pressing your right boot against the mud, then apply your weight. Your heel breaks the surface with a terrifying rush of movement, and your leg instantly slides down into the muck - much deeper than you’d thought, deeper than it should be. When your foot hits the bottom, sticky, cold mud splatters up, painting your shirt, neck, and parts of your face.
Suddenly, the day isn’t quite so warm.
When you finally muster the courage to look down, your right leg is submerged up to the knee, soaking through your trousers. You can practically hear the sick squelch of it making its way into your socks, squishing between your toes.
“Urgh,” you mutter, wrinkling your nose as you attempt to pull your leg up. “Disgusting.” But it won’t budge. In fact, your squirming seems to be making you sink down even further. You try to shift your weight, but your balance is uneven with one leg in and one leg out. You’re dangerously close to losing your footing, and every bit you struggle threatens to tilt you face-first into the makeshift mud pond. In a prime moment of idiocy, you plant your other foot in the mud for support, and find your bottom half completely unable to move.
“What a brilliant idea,” Shadowheart says. “Now you’re stuck.”
“Thank you, Shadowheart,” you grit out, sweat dripping down your neck as you attempt to twist yourself around. “I had no idea!”
Karlach steps behind you, laughing a little. “Come on. Up you go, soldier,” she says, leveraging her arms under yours and giving a quick tug. You’re expecting the mud to release you, but it doesn’t. Your legs don’t budge - not even an inch.
“What in the…?” she mutters, giving another pull. This one has more force behind it; when she tries to haul you up, white-hot pain sears up through your ribs, ripping an agonized cry from your lips. No matter how hard she yanks, the mud’s grip only tightens around you. It’s beginning to feel like you’re a brittle piece of rope in a vicious game of tug-of-war.
“Shit! I’m sorry!” she exclaims. “So, so, sorry!”
“What are you doing?” Astarion asks, his voice suddenly sharp. “You’re hurting her! Put her down!”
“So she can get sucked further into the mud?” Shadowheart asks. Her voice is lined with fear now, which is scaring you more than anything else about this miserable situation. “We have to get her out!”
But it quickly becomes clear that no matter how hard Karlach pulls, it’s useless. Every yank is agony, and you only sink further and further. Tears stream down your cheeks from the pain, and your spine feels like it’s gained a good two inches from being stretched, but still nothing. No give at all.
Eventually, Karlach lets you go. Your body plops down in relief, but the mud is somehow deeper than it was before. It’s up to the bottom of your ribs now.
“Fuck me,” she pants, wiping her forehead. “What should we do?”
“How should I know?” Astarion’s face is drawn, more pallid than usual. His lips are pinched into a line. He should be telling you I told you so, making jokes - and you know he would be, if he were anything but absolutely terrified. Your panic is bad enough with the heaviness of the mud on your chest and lower body, but the look on his face? That tells you it’s even worse than it feels.
“Step back,” Shadowheart instructs quietly. “I have an idea.”
Once the two of them are out of the way, she steps forward. Stretching out her hands, she mutters an incantation into the air. In seconds, the slight chill of the mud surrounding you becomes sharp, painful ice that burns against every exposed inch of skin it touches. A very muddy shade of ice, but ice all the same.
Karlach’s axe crashes through the surface and it shatters, breaking around you. After another hit and a moment of digging, she finally has you out: freezing, still covered in mud, and very sore - but alive.
“Thank you,” you manage, choking out the words between your shivering.
“Never say I didn’t do anything for you,” Shadowheart says, smiling a little. She lets out a breath of relief, the tension bleeding from her shoulders. “Now. Turning around, are we?”
By the time you get back to camp, you’re the most uncomfortable you’ve ever been in your life. You’re wet and cold and exhausted, caked with dried mud that pulls at your skin when you move. It’s in your hair, on your face, and in your shoes, squelching with every step. The feeling makes you want to crawl out of your skin. Your ribs are sore and achy, and - on top of all of that - you’ve lost a good day’s worth of travel.
The only thing you want is to fall into Astarion’s arms, but he wrinkles his nose when you come near, holding out a finger to stop you. “Oh, no you don't,” he says. “Bath first. Then you can talk to me, darling.”
It seems no amount of persuasion is going to change his mind, so you head back to your tent and grab a number of supplies - soap, sponges, a towel, and a change of clothes. Your trusty knife for protection. The river is bound to be freezing, but it’s better than sponging yourself down and hoping for the best.
Thank the gods you’d found a decent pair of boots in an abandoned house today, because the ones that are currently plastered to your feet will take days to dry out, even in the hot sun. When you get to the nearby river, you don’t even bother to take them off before you plunge them into icy water, sufficiently drenching them until you can furiously loosen the mud enough to slip them off and toss them onto the riverbank.
The rest of your clothing gets the same treatment: the trousers which slowly pull away from your skin, the shirt that’s splattered with mud and covered in it up to the waist. Your hair will no doubt be a disaster, too.
You’re still sitting in the soaking-wet clothes when you hear the sound of a twig snapping behind you. Your hand instantly grabs for your knife, ready to throw it at whatever threat might be in the woods as your eyes sweep along the trees.
Nothing. You find nothing.
“Darling,” comes Astarion’s voice. He slips out from the shadows, immaculately clean, gazing down at the weapon in your hand with a lifted brow. “Planning to render me dead twice-over?”
“You scared the living hells out of me, Astarion!” you snap, sucking in a shaky breath. The blade drops from your loosened fingers, softly thumping against the dirt. “What are you doing out here?”
He steps closer, taking a seat on a nearby log. “You were taking ages to get clean,” he whines, sprawling out his legs in front of him. “And, unfortunately, our companions haven’t had an argument all night. How else am I meant to entertain myself? So here I am. Trudging through the woods for your company.”
“You could give me a warning next time,” you reply, still a little jarred. “I thought you were someone hoping to catch an eyeful.”
A smirk flickers across his lips. “Oh, but I am,” he says. “Do you mind terribly?”
Against your will, your cheeks heat, and his smile widens. “I don’t mind,” you say. “Not if you behave, that is. Hands to yourself.”
“I’ll be on my very best behavior,” he promises. Leaning forward, he prods your boots, wrinkling his nose at the sight. “Gods below. Those disgusting things should be burned.”
“I have an extra pair.” You move to tug your shirt off, but it’s clinging to you. “Gods damn that stupid mud pile. I should have asked Gale to use a cleaning spell.”
“Oh, please,” Astarion says. “He’s been sulking in his tent all evening. Apparently, being asked to blow yourself up by an old flame doesn’t do much in the way of socializing.”
The shirt finally pulls free, and it’s clear that your smallclothes have received the same treatment as the rest of your garments. Gods, you really should have asked for that cleaning spell. This mud is going to take ages to get out.
“Hand that here,” Astarion says, motioning for your shirt. You toss it to him, and he inspects it closely before setting aside.
“What?” you ask. “What were you looking for?”
“Oh, darling, nothing,” he says. “That’s my ‘to be burned’ pile. We’ll get you a new one.”
You’d argue, but you aren’t very attached to your current outfit - and besides, after weeks of trekking through wilderness and Shadowlands alike, it’s falling apart even without the mud.
“Do what you want with it,” you grumble, finally pulling off your smallclothes. “That shirt was barely surviving anyway.”
You glance over your shoulder and find him observing with a raised brow, slowly taking the sight of you in. You must look like a mess, but you’d never know it from the glint in the eye, or the complacent smile that plays upon his lips. Heat stirs low in your belly, simmering under your skin. Later, you tell yourself. When you aren’t covered in filth.
You lather up the soap on your sponge, scrubbing away the mud the best you can, but the damned stuff takes ages to get off. By the time you’re finally clean, the silvery moon is high in the sky, and your skin is beginning to prune.
Astarion makes a small comment or two, but mostly seems content to watch you in silence. His gaze burns over every inch of exposed skin, leaving phantom heat wherever it stalls. All you want is to get out of this damned river and touch him, but you’re determined to get every bit of the mud off before you do, and it’s taking much longer than you’d hoped.
When you’re finally presentable, you start on cleaning your filthy smallclothes. The soap is slippery, making it difficult to do much scrubbing, and the water alone is doing hardly anything.
Astarion watches you struggling, huffing as you nearly drop the soap bar in the river. After a moment, he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Dearest, you do realize that it would be much easier if you-”
But his words suddenly cut off. His head snaps toward the woods, and every nerve in your body burns with fear. In the span of seconds, he’s lunged forward, grabbed your knife, and darted after the sound.
Not a moment later, there’s a loud crash - some form of impact as he tackles whatever it was that he heard. You instantly push yourself out of the water without thinking, numb, your heart pounding in your chest as you stumble into the forest after him. It only takes a few steps in before you see it: a man on the ground, Astarion’s knife to his throat.
Your stomach churns, and your skin prickles in the air’s chill. How much had he seen? How long had he been standing there?
Astarion is shouting something at him, and the stranger is struggling against his hold, but it’s useless. He’s a scrawny, weak little thing, no match for Astarion’s lithe, nimble strength. No amount of twisting or fighting dislodges Astarion’s grip. After a moment, he finally gives up, cackling like an old hag as his head plops down against the dirt.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you here and now,” Astarion hisses, anger contorting his features.
In response, the man spits in his face. “She’s your bitch, is she?” he croaks. “You can take a turn after I’m done with her.”
Astarion snarls in response, gripping the man’s collar and pressing the blade deeper into the skin until it draws blood.
“Wait,” you call, stepping closer. “Don’t.”
Astarion blinks in disbelief, sitting up, careful to keep his weight on the stranger underneath. “My love, you can’t be serious,” he says. “You want to spare this-”
“Spare?” you echo, cutting off his words. “Who said anything about sparing him?”
Something glints in his gaze as he takes in your words. “Darling,” he drawls, his tone admirational. “By all means.”
He hands you the knife, and you kneel down next to him. It’s heavy in your hand, cold and smooth as you run your finger over the flat edge of the blade. You stare at the shimmer of it for a moment, entranced, somehow calm in the midst of this chaos. Then you slam the bottom of the hilt into the man’s nose.
There’s a sickening crunch before he screams, blood streaming over his mouth and spilling down his chin. Even after last night’s feeding, Astarion tenses up at the smell of it, but the curl of his lip tells you that he won’t be drinking from this piece of absolute refuse.
When the stranger reaches over and grabs at your arm, you almost don’t even realize - you’re so caught up in your own mind, in the weight of the knife in your hand. Then his nails dig into your skin, and everything hits you at once.
The freezing night air. The stinging, throbbing pain that flares through your skin as he claws at you, unable to do much more. The feel of Astarion’s hand, gentle but firm, prying the knife from your grip. It happens before you can even react - a swift slice of the blade, slitting the man’s throat. Dark blood, gushing from the wound and onto the dirt below.
For a moment, there is nothing but the sound of your breathing. Sharp but shallow, straining in your chest. Jagged air that flows in and out, but it does nothing to stop the increasing amount of black in your vision.
You’ve fought and killed more people than you can count so… why does this feel different? Why here, why now? You’ve nearly died before, so why does the scrape on your arm feel like it’s much more than that?
Then Astarion’s hands envelop your cheeks, blissfully cool, and the panic and pain seep out all at once.
“Darling,” he’s saying, half-breathless, “are you alright?”
You manage to nod, and some of the concern leaves his eyes. He runs his fingers over the scrape on your arm, and you wince. “We need to get you patched up,” he murmurs, his brows pinching together.
“Don’t take me to Shadowheart,” you choke out. She’s already done you enough favors, and you won’t be able to stand her disapproving gaze if you disturb her rest after today’s fiasco.
He huffs. “Stubborn little thing,” he mutters, but he doesn’t argue.
Instead, he heads back to your supplies by the river. When he returns, he wraps a towel over your shoulders, and it’s only then that you realize you’re naked. Completely, utterly naked. It had been bold of you to break that bastard’s nose in the nude, but… well, it hadn’t been your intention.
He’s dead now, though. He’ll never look at you again.
Astarion sweeps you up into his arms and carries you out of the woods along with your clean change of clothes, holding you tight against his chest and leaving your soiled clothing behind.
You can’t find it in you to care at the moment. You’ve scrounged up plenty of clothing along the journey; those torn, stained things won’t be missed. Not to mention, if you ever need more, Astarion will gladly steal you some new ones.
He takes you to your tent, and you’re grateful to see that everyone else has turned in for the night. Anyone awake to see you would inevitably have questions, and this only affirms your decision to avoid Shadowheart - if you woke her up to heal a minor scrape on your arm, she’d be seething.
And though she’d undoubtedly be sympathetic after hearing the cause, you don’t think you can muster up the words to tell her what’d happened.
After he’s carefully set you down on your bedroll, Astarion yanks the flap of your tent closed and reaches for your pack, digging through the contents until he’s found some bandages. His grip is gentle as he takes your arm and swipes some remnants of a healing potion over it. You’ve been through this dozens of times, but you can never seem to shake the urge to wince as it sets in - the potion stings just a bit before it soothes, a sharp tingling that fades into a sweet, balming relief.
You’ve calmed down some, warming up in your tent with him, but Astarion’s hands are shaking as he wraps the wound. His brows are pinched together, his swallows are thick and strained, and he can’t seem to meet your eyes, even when he’s done bandaging you up.
“Astarion,” you murmur. “He’s dead.”
He stills in place, jaw clenching as he inhales sharply, still not meeting your gaze. Instead, he glowers down at the tent’s floor, his hands balling into fists. “He deserved so much worse than that,” he snaps.
You don’t argue with him. Instead, you let him fuss over you, taking the time to smooth through your wet hair, plucking out remaining leaves and twigs from the woods. He gets you into a warm, fluffy robe - only the gods know where he’d managed to find something like that - then pulls you close, his thumb stroking over your cheek. You rest your head against his chest and close your eyes, listening to the soft sounds of his body working under his skin. No heartbeat, of course, just the quiet churn of his movements, the rise and fall of his ribs that’s become habit to him.
After a moment, he takes your face in his hands, just as he had in the woods - but when you meet his gaze, there’s a sharp intensity in his eyes rather than fear. He takes you in little by little, tilting your head up to brush his fingers over the fading marks on your neck.
Then he leans in, and you catch the smell of him you know so well, lingering on his skin like soap. Bergamot, rosemary, brandy. It’s what you associate most with him, that sweet, sharp scent that bathes over you. When his lips finally meet yours, the kiss is rough and desperate, heated and aching. His fangs scrape over your lip, grazing the delicate skin but not breaking it. His tongue slides into your mouth, and his hand returns to the back of your neck, tightening his grip.
One of your hands fix into his shirt as you lean into him, nipping at his lip. You shift your free hand up into his hair, tousling through the soft, silky curls before gently tugging. He groans and pulls you closer, and - gods, it’s incredible. Warmth drags down your spine like a hot coal, searing and addictive. You squirm a little in his grasp, shifting until you’re straddling his hips, and he pulls away to kiss down your jaw, murmuring soft words into the skin.
When he gets to your chest, you let him untie the robe and spread his hands underneath, peeling the fabric off your shoulders, fingers slowly warming as they trail down your back. His hands settle on your waist as he kisses you again, mouth soft against yours.
Gods, you need him. You’re already soaked, and he’s barely even touched you.
You can feel him hardening underneath you, his movements growing desperate, his breathing labored. You grind your hips against him and he lets out a strained noise against your lips, shuddering. He pulls away, examining your expression as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.
The movement is tender and incredibly sweet, but you’re hardly patient. You’ve been wanting him ever since he sat on that log in the forest, gaze roaming over every inch of you. You let out a soft whine, attempting to tug off his shirt. He does absolutely nothing to help you.
“Astarion,” you breathe. “Please.”
“Hm? Did you want something, darling?” he asks, the desire in his voice betraying his otherwise casual tone.
“I want you,” you tell him, rolling your hips again in search of the friction you so desperately need. “Please. I want you.”
“Easy, love. You have me,” he replies, brushing his thumb against your lips. Your heart swells with a fondness that would threaten to make you cry if you weren’t so ridiculously needy.
And finally, thank the gods, he takes off his godsdamned shirt.
You run a hand up his shoulder, then into his hair. You’d once thought that he was using a special shampoo - his hair was so soft, it seemed the only explanation. Then you’d seen him with the same shampoo you were using, and you’d practically wept with envy over his ridiculously perfect genes. Even now, as you run your hands through the silk-soft curls, you don’t understand it.
Then you trace up the line of his ear, and he shudders, leaning into your touch. When you gently massage the tip of his helix, he lets out a soft, seeking noise and his eyes flutter shut. Hells, you swear that you can feel him growing even harder beneath you. Another roll of your hips and his eyes slowly open again, half-lidded and glazed with desire. His hands firmly grip your waist, and there’s the briefest sensation of falling as he rolls you back onto your bedroll, tucking the pillow under your head.
He kisses along your clavicle, nosing down your ribs, humming against your skin. Feather-light brushes of his lips meet your ribs, then your breast, pausing to swipe his tongue over your nipple before he proceeds downward. When he arrives at your navel, your legs automatically spread open for him, and he lets out a hum of approval. He takes a leg in his hand and kisses up the thigh, warm, sharp kisses that trail up to the place you want him most.
He starts off slowly - a long lick over your clit, a quick swipe of his tongue before he settles between your legs, propping your thigh over his shoulder and starting a maddening rhythm. After all this time, you really should know how much pleasure to expect - but after everything, after his confession in the Shadowlands and the fear with Cazador, this still feels… new.
And Astarion is very, very good at what he does. He seems to know exactly what you want before you do, before your mind can put it into tangible thought, and before your body can even search for it. He works a finger into you, then two, and you’re left gasping and squirming as he sets an agonizingly slow pace. After a moment, he speeds up, just where you want him, perfect, perfect-
And then he pulls away, and the look on his face practically shouts that he knows exactly what he’s doing to you. Of course he does. He’s always been a tease. His fingers continue their work, languidly dragging in and out of you as he speaks.
“You know,” he says, pressing a kiss to your thigh, “back at the river, this was all I could think about. Getting my mouth on you. Watching you come apart piece by piece.”
Gods, he’s been direct before, but never that direct. Frankly, you’re surprised you don’t come then and there. Instead, you clench hard around his fingers and whimper, rolling your hips in time with his movements.
“Astarion,” you pant, unable to coax your mind into forming a coherent reply. “Gods, Astarion.”
He hums in response, flashing you a wicked grin. “That’s it, darling,” he encourages, shifting his fingers until they’re brushing against a spot that makes your vision black out. “Say my name. Let everyone hear you.”
You manage a laugh that quickly fades into a soft moan. “The entire camp will kill me if I wake them up.”
He nips at your thigh. “Let them try,” he muses. “They’ll have to get through me.”
He lowers his mouth between your legs again, and your head falls back against the pillow. It’s an embarrassingly short time before your muscles start to tense up, wiring you with pleasure from head to toe. One of your hands fixes in his hair, pulling tightly as white-hot pleasure sparks through your abdomen, and oh, gods, you’re coming-
Your vision cuts out again. Your mind fuzzes over, drunk with pleasure, leaving you shuddering, clenching around his fingers, moaning into your free hand.
You know he’d prefer to hear you, but if you actually disturb any of the others, you’ll die of embarrassment. One day, the two of you will have your own house with a real bed, and you’ll be as loud as you want. For now, you muffle your cries into your fingers and tremble through your climax.
Your body floats weightlessly for a moment in what must be Elysium, until you finally rejoin yourself and find your limbs heavy and uncoordinated. Astarion huffs, placing a final kiss on you until he crawls upward, kissing up your chest again.
He’s still holding himself back - you can see it in the way he moves, in the tension of his muscles and the coil of his shoulders. There’s a fire in his eyes, a hunger that you recognize so well. When he reaches your neck, you instinctively tilt your head, allowing him access to his usual spot.
For a moment, he hesitates, his warm breath fanning over the skin as your pulse hammers in your throat. Then he groans, grinding himself into your leg as he bites down, chasing his pleasure against your thigh as your blood spills into his mouth.
You know this routine so very well by now. The sting of the bite, and the numbness that follows. The ebb and flow of your blood, filling his mouth. The slight dizziness that comes before he pulls away, swiping his tongue over the bite for one final taste.
“Gods,” he pants, gripping your shoulder. Then, to your utter disappointment and confusion, he pulls away. “Wait here, my sweet. I need to - I’ll be right back. I promise.”
And before you can protest, he’s scrambling out the tent. For a long, numb moment, you stare at the tent opening, wondering if you’re dreaming. The silence of the tent grates on your ears, echoing the sound of your breathing until you can barely stand it. Then he’s pushing inside again, a scroll in hand as he closes the tent.
“Do I want to know what that is?” you ask.
“A scroll of Silence, darling. I’ve been saving it.” He flashes you a grin, murmuring the incantation as the scroll shimmers in his hand. Pure Weave, confined into parchment.
You don’t hear the spell take effect, but you feel it. It’s a thickness in the air, a heaviness in your movements.
Astarion doesn’t waste another second. He pushes up to kiss you, and it’s messy - your tongue against his, the sting of sharp teeth, your hand in his hair and his hand on the nape of your neck. There’s the taste of metal and herbs: your blood mixed with the remnants of a healing potion. He spreads your legs with his knee, then sits back on his heels and reaches down to undo his trousers.
You study him for a moment. The crease of his brow. The alabaster of his skin, sculpted out like a statue from marble.
If you were an artist, you’d make him your life’s work. You’d chip out his every feature little by little, painstakingly working away at the stone to define the look in his eyes when he tells you he loves you. You’d spend ages carving every wrinkle, every line, every perfect imperfection. The touch of it would be cold, like him, but it could never compare to how he looks as he settles over you, eyes blown dark with desire.
He inches closer, still on his knees, and takes hold of your thighs, lifting them up to meet his hips before gently easing inside of you. He lets out a sharp exhale as he slowly presses deeper, his grip shifting to your waist.
Nothing could compare to the way it feels as he fills you up inch by inch, murmuring praise, telling you how beautiful you are for him. “Darling,” he bites out, gritting his teeth at the pleasure. “If anyone ever tries anything like that with you again, I’ll tear them to shreds.”
You laugh a little, breathless, delirious in the delicious stretch of him inside you. “I won’t stop you. I just might ask to break their nose first.”
He shakes his head, but a small smile plays on his lips before he straightens and starts his rhythm. Slow, even thrusts that leave you grasping at the blankets beneath you, trying to steady yourself in the waves of sensation. He stares down at you, half-drunk on your blood, lips parted and his cheeks flushed.
“You feel incredible,” he breathes. “Gods. You’re incredible.”
Your eyes don’t quite know where to land. They never do. Now, they flutter over his abdomen, taking in the sight of the muscles that ripple and contract with the rolling of his hips. The droplets of sweat that slowly build on his skin, glimmering like crystals.
His jaw clenches, and his pace starts to quicken, and the feeling of him inside of your aching cunt is just so godsdamned good. His cock stretches you out like it was made for you, and soon your lungs are hardly filling with air. You can’t think, and you can scarcely breathe. All you know is that you’re not going to last much longer.
You tug at the blankets and shut your eyes, and he lets out another soft, aching noise as he thrusts deeper, faster, filling you up, the slick sound of your arousal echoing through the tent and mixing with the heaving of your breaths. You clench around him and he groans, shifting the angle of your hips, rhythm frantic.
“That’s it,” he pants. “Come for me, darling.”
And you do. Your body clenches around him as you cry out, back arching, pleasure overtaking every thought but one: Astarion. Astarion, Astarion, Astarion. Your breaths scrape shallowly through your chest and ecstasy burns through every inch of you, every nerve - until you feel paralyzed. Content, thoroughly fucked and sated, but paralyzed.
You’ve just started to come back to your senses when Astarion follows you over the edge, a moan tumbling from his lips that sounds remarkably like your name. His hips thrust a few more times, chasing after his pleasure, clumsy movements that slow to a halt as he shuts his eyes. He shudders, then slackens, carefully pulling out of you before he wraps his hands around your thighs and gently lowers them back to the bedroll.
You can barely move, still lost in the aftershocks of pleasure as he cleans you up, smoothing the hair out of your face as he lays next to you.
“You know,” he says, “I think I’m going to ask Gale to make us another one of those scrolls.”
And, gods, all you can do is laugh.
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Sweater
Word Count: 600
Includes: fluff! the team finds out about reader x Spencers relationship when you show up to work wearing one of his sweaters
"Y/n." It was Penelope, she was whispering conspicuously as you entered the office heading for the conference room.
"Goodmorning!" You answer quickly as you were already running late due to your much needed coffee run this morning.
She begins to trail after you. "Y/n."
You stop, now wondering what's wrong, especially as all the heads in the room begin looking towards you as you walk in. But it isn't until Derek speaks up that you're hinted as to why,
"So you and pretty boy finally did it?" Oh no.
You mind races trying to figure out how he knew. Did Spencer tell him? You'd agreed not to tell anyone at first so you wouldn't cause absolute chaos. But it's been sixth months you guess it's be perfectly reasonable if-
"Your-your Sweater...its Spencers." Penelope elaborates, calming you rampant mind, all at the same time making it spasm.
You look down silently at what you're wearing, its almost identical as your regular getup, but because you were really running late this morning you'd grabbed a sweater from the couch in your shared apartment on your way out.
Completely missing the fact it was Spencers. It had been a soft cobalt blue color crew neck, one of his favorites with little designs lining it in navy...and also one he wore quite often.
You stared in both disbelief from how you'd manage to grab the one he used most consistently and also at your own stupidity and how you'd failed to notice the whole car ride here.
You look up bewilderedly, to find your colleagues staring at you all in varying ways, Derek was grinning, Rossi was smirking, Penelope had taken to a worried/excited look, Emily was respectfully trying to hide her smile and even Hotch was pretending to read the papers in front of him to avoid eye contact.
You attempt a reply calmly but stammer despite yourself,
"I-I-we-um"
closing your eyes to focus your thoughts and breathe, you open them to find Spencer your lovely boyfriend entering or rather staggering into the room.
He had taken the long route so you'd show up at different times,
"Hi! Sorry I'm late-I just-I-What-why's everybody looking at me like that?"
Everyone shaking their heads and smiling to themselves ignored his question as Penelope began to brief all of you on the case.
You hope the subject will be forgotten.
But of course it won't be, and surprisingly its Hotch that asks once the case had been explained and he'd called wheels up,
"Are you two dating?"
Everyone was still seated, waiting for something to be said, and you could see the pleasure in all their faces as he uttered the question.
Spencer swallowed though, not having become aware of the situation even after you'd tried to pass him a note like some third grader.
It had read: I'm wearing your sweater!
To which he'd simply responded with, I'm sure no one's noticed.
Having of course not been aware of your previous interaction with the team.
"We-uh-well-" he tried to begin
"Yes. We are dating." You had to confirm it, knowing if you didn't it would only make matters worse in the long run.
To that Hotch gave his lopsided smirk, "I'm Happy for you, but I'm not thrilled to do the paperwork."
The team of course having heard, errupted in giggles, reminiscent of child like giddy as they finally took it as their cue to leave.
And as they filed out Spencer received several pats on the backs and "good going reid" from Rossi and Derek as you yourself had been berated with questions from Emily and Penelope and "I swear to god if he hurts you-"'.
But as you both shyly retreat, gather your things and exit you agree that the best reaction had been from Hotch as he whispered quietly before he left,
"Well I guess I have to let you room together now."
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#dr spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader
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hi im back! okey so def can see spencer still wanting to hug and snuggle with you even when fighting or mad at each other. he even gets genuinely ??? confused ??? when you try to sleep on the couch instead of in bed at night. he holds you and either reader or him is like "i know we are snuggling right now but i am still super pissed off at you." lol i can just see it. he may be petty when mad but he wont stop trying to touch you bc its a biological need of his and no argument is more important than needing you 🥺
enjoy this I did it very fast!!!! ily
He knows he’s not easy to be with sometimes. She would never say it, but it’s true. He doesn’t always get the jokes, sometimes pushes things too far and without even knowing it the ground gets pulled out from under him.
And sleep- Sleep is so complicated. The memory of the first time she slept in his bed is etched into a place he could never erase. Spencer had always had trouble sleeping, either fear or alertness plaguing him into the late hours of the night. He used to lie awake, the kind of exhausted that feels like it’s seeping out of your bones, while constantly facts he’d unwittingly memorized about how sleep deprivation can cause brain damage.
But then she’d come into his life. All soft words and gentle disposition, and there really is something magic about the way that everything just dissipates when her warm, soft body curves into his own. He’s slept well almost every night since.
Except today, she isn’t coming to bed.
It’s his fault, and he knows it. He wasn’t being fair. She hadn’t seen him for two weeks (and he hadn’t slept nearly enough without the weight of her form beside him since the last time he saw her) and she’d said that she wanted to be prioritized more.
“I haven’t seen you in weeks, Spence!”
His head was killing him. Was it actually possible, for a headache to kill you? Her voice is audibly upset, and it’s alarming how he could be the cause of it.
“Please,” he had said through labored effort, “Can we talk about this later?”
“When would you like to talk about it? Because I don’t ever know if you’re leaving-“
“Do you even know what it is that I do? That it’s not a choice for me to go? I have to do this. I can’t pick and choose and honestly, I don’t want to. If you don’t get that, we’re not doing what I thought we were doing.”
It sounds foreign, his own voice. And it’s after he’s said it that the sick taste reaches his throat because oh, that means the end. Her lovely face is unreadable for a brief moment, before something like grief splays over her expression.
It’s silent for a beat, and Spencer wishes he could swallow the words back up, rewind his life like a battered VHS tape where he’s not so stupid to mess up the one thing that’s ever brought him peace.
“You’re not yourself, Spencer. I’m gonna give you a minute.”
A minute, it turns out, is hours in the living room. She hadn’t left, thank fucking god, but she hadn’t come back. Of course she hadn’t. She wasn’t the one who needed to apologize.
He’s just so tired.
He thinks of her so-sweet voice, the curve of cheek- the junction of her neck and shoulder, and how much he would like to have her pressed against him. He pads out into the living room like a nervous puppy, and sees her sleeping on the olive green couch she had picked out. Her hair was splayed across the arm of the sofa, and her head laid on a throw pillow, their fuzziest blanket draped across her form.
His first thought is how low he’s dropped, that he’s jealous of a blanket.
His second his that she is not coming to bed. He sits beside her gingerly, and the scent of her body wash lingers in the air.
“Are you planning on coming to bed?”
“I didn’t think you’d want me to.” He can tell she wants to sound cold, but the truth is much worse; she sounds guarded.
“I always want you to.” It’s the most honest thing he’s said today, and it’s just not fair, how much he revolves around her. How he has waited 14 days, 13 hours and 34 minutes to hold her again and managed to ruin it within the first 20 minutes of having seen her again. He grabs her hand, soft and pliant against his in a way that almost makes his heart leap. “Please? Come to bed?”
Her gaze softens, the warmth and light that guides him back in her eyes, and he hopes his relief isn’t too visible. It’s then that she drinks him in. It feels too revealing like she can see right through him. His clothes are old. He’d rushed off the jet to see her, and the half moon circles under his eyes only lend to the unimpressive picture of himself.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she breathes, touching the side of his face. He instantly leans into it, the contact more than he’d be willing to give up to save his dignity. “Come here.”
She wraps her arms around him, and he pulls her into his lap, squeezing her tight to his chest, like she might disappear.
“I’m still mad at you,” she says, looking at him with such affection it betrays her words.
“That’s okay,” he says into her collarbone, “As long as I still have you.”
#spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds fanfic
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