#i cant do drugs because damnit i saw what happened to my half sister when she was even involved with that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bigendershadowthehedghog · 9 months

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god why can't I have a normal conversation I can't do anything for two fucking minutes without something clicking deep in my brain that it decides it can't handle this even though it was FINE before I fucking hate myself and my body and my brain why can't I just keep composed for one second without becoming a train wreck at the smallest goddamn thing

#im sorry for making you guys read about my problems #i want to ask my mom to help but shes asleep and everytime i wake her up for anything at all she gets mad #god knows what she would be like if its something stupid like this #it never works when people try to help anyways im prsctically already dead #i couldve just had a good life if i just fucking kept it together but no i couldnt even do that #nothing works and the only options i havent tried are the things i cant do #i cant do drugs because damnit i saw what happened to my half sister when she was even involved with that #i cant smoke because it would fuck up my lungs and also id just be like my dad at that point #i cant take prescription pills because theyll do anything but even try to consider that #i have nothing i can do and all the healthy methods ive been taught are practically fucking impossible or just dont work #sure i can escape through fiction via writing but i fucking hate everything i write and the fact i write so goddamn much #when none of its worth it #and sure i can try and draw to make myself feel better but it doesnt work it doesnt make me feel anything at all other thn the feeling that #the fact i made a drawing it doesnt change my mood at all #sewing isnt relaxing because i end up just poking myself in the finger a thousand times and with some shitty fabric #thats barely held together #i am basically dead theres no changing it theres nothing i can do to fix myself or my life or how i feel #im just a walking corpse for people to talk to

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