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#go you funky little tater tot
darth-sonny · 1 year
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big news fellas
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Supper’s Ready
Word Count: 2,033
Summary: A couple of weeks have passed since Danny’s accident with the portal. Fortunately, so far, he hasn’t experienced any symptoms at all, not even ghostly ones. Until one day, he begins throwing up ectoplasm.
Or, my take on Portal!Danny
Warning: Includes depictions of nausea and vomiting so...read at your own discretion
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Danny awoke with a groan. He clutched his stomach and squeezed his eyes together as a wave of nausea hit him. If he could, he would’ve laid there forever, curled up in a ball fighting the sick feeling in his stomach. But it kept getting worse, and worse, until his instincts drove him to blindly stumble to his bathroom. Kneeling before his toilet, he held his mouth open, wishing for whatever he ate earlier to just come out already. It felt like an eternity before his dinner left him. Panting, he laid his cheek against the toilet seat as he felt the nausea starting to subside.
He doesn’t remember the last time he threw up. Probably when he was a kid. It couldn’t have been mom’s cooking, right? He recalled the glass of milk he had before bed. It did taste a bit funky.
He stood up, sparing a glance at his dinner once again. He was just about to flush it away until something caught his eye. A single translucent drop of something that glowed brightly green. Jazz probably did have a point about not keeping the ecto-weenies in the fridge.
A couple of weeks have passed since Danny’s accident with the portal. Unfortunately, the portal remained unfunctional since the brief moment when he had activated it. At first, Jazz and his friends were extremely concerned for him. After all, he was practically electrocuted. But seeing that there were no lasting effects, over time they’ve let go of the incident. Things resumed back to normal, save for Jazz becoming a lot more protective of her little brother.
Danny flushed and rinsed the foul taste from his mouth. He made a mental note to throw out the milk in the morning as he climbed back into his sheets.
~
A few days later, Danny was sitting at his desk in his bedroom, struggling to understand why he kept getting this one math question wrong. He swears he’s following the same steps in the textbook example. He was just about to give up and move onto the next question when his mouth suddenly felt dry. No, not again. 
Ever since that night he puked, Danny’s stomach really wasn’t having it. More and more often the sick feeling would return, except nothing came out of it. He rested his head on his homework, waiting for the nausea to pass. At this point he just wanted whatever bad food, stomach bug, or whatever to leave him already. Maybe he should ask his parents to take him to the doctor.
At that thought, his gut uncomfortably lurched and he barely grabbed his wastebasket in time. It’s a shame those tater tots from the cafeteria had to go to waste. Just when he thought he was finished, he felt a painful jolt in his abdomen and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt something, with an almost slimy-like texture pour out. The sensation of it running up his throat made him feel even sicker than he was.
He took a moment to breathe before opening his eyes again. He almost dropped the bin at what he saw. It was the same glowing green substance he saw that other night. Except this time, it took up three quarters of his wastebasket! He couldn’t even see his lunch from earlier.
Slightly panicked now, he quickly scrambled up from his desk chair to get rid of it. If Jazz saw him now, she’d never let him hear the end of it. 
After flushing it away, he turned to the sink to clean himself up. But, the sight of himself in the mirror made him freeze.
He saw that green fluid, staining his white shirt as it steadily dripped from his chin. He almost gagged when he still felt it present in his mouth. But what truly frightened him was his now green irises, glowing brightly in the same intensity as the fluid. 
What was wrong with him?
~
Ectoplasm. That’s what was inside him.
Over dinner, his dad was excitedly explaining how he had extracted the substance from a ghost. His mom joined in, explaining its scientific properties. And while Jazz expressed her disgust at bringing something like that to the dinner table, the whole conversation was lost to Danny’s ears. All he saw was the small vial his dad was showing off, containing the same substance he had been heaving out daily in the last week.
~
Danny was in the middle of an English test when he felt it. It wasn’t all that painful anymore, and he’s gotten used to holding it down just long enough until he could get to a washroom. Still, it always was very uncomfortable. And inconvenient, especially at times like now. He raised up his hand and cringed as Lancer stared at him suspiciously.
“Yes, Mr. Fenton?”
“Can I—uh...go to the bathroom?”
Lancer sighed as he glanced at the clock. “Fine. Please hurry back though, you only have 20 minutes left for the test.”
“Thanks Mr. Lancer,” Danny mumbled as he got up from his seat. He fought the feeling of Wes glaring a hole in the back of his head, along with the weird stares from some of his other classmates. Sam and Tucker worriedly watched as their friend left the classroom.
Alone, in the bathroom, Danny used his hands to brace himself against both sides of the stall, as he crouched in front of the toilet, wrinkling his nose at the smell. He hated doing this at school.
He counted to three and then let go, expelling the seemingly endless supply of ectoplasm within him. Every time he did this, there was always that little nagging voice at the back of his head, telling him that he really should tell someone about this. His parents should know what to do, right? But, every time he attempts to do so, he just...he can’t go through with it. Hearing them rant about their pure hatred for ghosts and the inventions they’ve created just to torture them makes his stomach lurch for a whole other reason. He knows they love him...but...what if they try to hurt him?
As for Jazz and his friends, he honestly can’t bring himself to burden them more after the portal accident. After all this time, he still occasionally sees the guilt in Sam’s eyes. Besides, who’s to say this won’t go away on its own...right?
He wiped his chin with the back of his hand after he felt nothing else coming up. However, he was greatly mistaken. 
The next moment, sheer agony shot through his abdomen, causing him to lose balance and hit his back against the stall’s door. It never hurt this bad before!
His body went rigid when he felt a frightening chill freeze his insides. A burning green—almost yellow light was all that he could see as he was overwhelmed by the brutal sensation of his insides being ripped apart. His mouth was forced open by an invisible force as something else crept up his painfully inflamed throat. It wasn’t ectoplasm this time.
Panting heavily, all Danny could do was lay there against the door as the blinding light and pain gradually faded away. The first thing he saw after regaining his vision was a spectral tail disappearing into the ceiling.
~
“Good morning, this is Tiffany Snow reporting Amity Park’s latest breaking news. Recently, we have received several reports of ghost sightings. Witnesses have expressed that these ghosts have been trespassing their homes, destroying property, and terrorizing civillians. The Amity Police Depar…”
“Those no good specters!”
“Jack, honey, do you know what this means?”
“Of course Maddie, the town needs us!”
“But the sudden increase in ghost activity, it must mean something…”
“What are you sayin’ Mads?”
“Where would these ghosts be coming from? Natural portals don’t stay open long enough for any significant entities to escape the Ghost Zone. Unless...maybe something is causing them to stay open longer?”
“You might be onto something, gosh Mads you’re so clever! Well, better get right to sealing up those portals for good. Oh, I got the perfect idea for an invention!” Jack exclaimed as ran downstairs into the lab.
“Danny?”
Danny just realized he’d been holding his breath throughout his parents’ conversation. At the sound of his mom’s voice directed at him, he dropped his spoon. “Y-yea mom?” he stuttered as he anxiously gazed at her.
She was holding a silver-gray thermos with metallic green details. “Today, I’m packing your lunch in the Fenton thermos. We’d be horrible parents let you kids go to school defenseless. Just remember to point and push, okay?”
“Um, okay. Thanks mom,” Danny mumbled. 
She kissed his head before he could protest and said, “I’m going to help your father out. Have a great day at school sweetie.” 
After his mom disappeared downstairs into the lab, Danny morosely glanced at his half-eaten cereal. He’s probably not gonna keep it down anyways. Fenton thermos in hand, he grabbed his backpack and left to catch the school bus.
~
Danny could almost say he’s gotten used to being nauseous all the time. Now when he threw up, more often than not an actual ghost would come up. But now, the guilt from causing all the recent ghost activity grew with each passing day. Yet, no matter how much he’d tried stopping himself, all he did was make the pain even more unbearable. Something was seriously wrong with him.
One day, he recovered quickly enough to see an octopus-like ghost escape into the school’s hallways. As he exited the washroom, he saw the ghost hurling textbooks at students and scaring anyone that got near. 
This was all his fault. He winced as he saw poor Mikey get his glasses knocked off his face by his own math textbook. He had to do something. Wait. Danny reached into his bag, finding the now empty Fenton thermos.
“Just point and push, right?” he muttered to himself as he took aim at the ectopus. A light blue beam shot out the thermos, enveloping the ghost and pulling it inside. Danny blinked as he noticed the small display on the flask read 25% CAPACITY.
“Huh, that was easy.”
~
Using the Fenton thermos to capture the ghosts really helped ease some of his guilt. However, all too soon the thermos had hit its capacity and Danny had no idea what to do with it.
He’d secretly borrowed another one from his parents and already that one was full too. He needed to figure out something quick.
“Hey dad?”
“What’s up Danno?”
“Uh...how do you get rid of ghosts?”
“Son, I’m so glad to see you taking an interest in the family business! Me and your mom are still finding out a way to get rid of those spooks for good. For now, we’ve got the Fenton Ghost Weasel and the Fenton thermos to catch them.”
“But, what if you run out of space to keep them?”
Danny’s dad scratched his head in thought. “Never really thought much about that. I guess when the time comes, we just gotta send those suckers back where they came from. Maybe by then, we’ll find those portals that are causing us all this trouble.”
Back where they came from? 
By now, Danny knows that the accident with his parents’ portal had to have something to do with his...condition. And considering that all the ghosts are coming from inside him...maybe the portal did end up working after all. Except, not in the way he’d expected. He tried not to think too much about it. How an opening to an entirely different dimension was...inside him.
But, he had a more immediate problem to worry about. And as much as the solution grossed him out, he had no choice. 
Currently sat on his bed, Danny stared at the two full flasks in front of him. His dad’s words rang in his ears as he unscrewed the cap off one. His stomach turned uncomfortably as he spared a glance at its contents.
Bringing up the thermos to his lips, he squeezed his eyes shut to brace himself for what he was going to do next.
Here goes nothing.
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icannotreadcursive · 4 years
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Avengers PSAs: On the COVID-19 Pandemic 5: Food!
Clint was leaning back against the kitchen island in purple argyle pajama pants and a black T-shirt.
“Hey,” he said, making the salute-like ASL sign for hello as he did. “Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye or 'that random guy with the bow an arrow who hangs out with the Avengers' here to talk about grocery shopping and cooking during these quaran-times.”
He grinned at his own pun, then continued, signing to the camera to follow him. He pushed off from the island and walked over to the pantry and the two large refrigerators that flanked it. “Whether you're ordering your groceries for delivery or suiting up in your mask and gloves to brave the stores, you need to shop according to what kind of storage you have and you preferences as far as what you'll actually cook and what you'll actually enjoy eating.
“Now what I mean by shopping according to your storage is things like, if you have a lot of freezer space—maybe you have a freezer chest in the garage because you hunt, or you have a minifridge leftover from college that you can set cold enough to use as a freezer—then stocking up on frozen food is a good idea. If you don't have a lot of freezer space, then you can't stock up as much on frozen food and need to focus more on shelf-stable things like dry good and canned goods.
“The point is to be able to have enough food in your home that you can make three meals a day for your whole household for at least a week without having to go shopping and without things going bad before you can eat them. That kind of big stock-up grocery run gets expensive fast, and a lot of people aren't working right now or have their hours cut, so it can be hard to afford the kind of stocking up we all need to be doing. To help mitigate that and make things easier for others in your community, if you can afford to buy the more expensive versions of some foods, do so. Leave the less expensive options on the shelves for the people who can't afford anything else.”
He moved farther into the pantry and he segued subjects a little. “If you're not much of a cook or if you're particularly busy right now—working in essential industries, working from home, trying to homeschool your kids, whatever—then you need to focus more on prefab food, stuff you can just shove in the oven or the microwave or stick on the stove for a minute and be done. If you do like to cook or you've decided your quarantine activity is gonna be learning to cook and you have more time, then you should focus more on getting ingredients for cooking from scratch. Everyone should have a mix of both, though, and there are certain stables everyone oughta have on hand.”
He grabbed a box off a shelf, tossed it over his shoulder, caught it as he turned around, and held it out for the camera to see. “Noodles. You want noodles. It doesn't really matter what noodles. Dry pasta is great because it's extremely shelf stable, it keeps forever. I've eaten pasta that was a year past the date on the box and it was fine.
“I know a lot of stores are running low on boxed pasta, so maybe now's the time to try that lentil based pasta you've been eyeing suspiciously for a while, or get some tiny pasta like orzo, stelini, or even couscous that you usually avoid because they're not really noodles.” He put the box of pasta back on the shelf. “You can even make your own pasta if you really want to or you're really desperate. But if you have noodles—or pasta, same difference—you have a meal. Cook a whole batch to eat with sauce for spaghetti night, then save the leftover noodles, fry them up in a pan with some butter, scrambled eggs, and cheese tomorrow for lunch.
“On that note, you want eggs unless you're allergic—or vegan, I guess—and you want your dairy staples: butter, cheese, and milk. Butter and cheese both keep a long time in the fridge, especially hard dry cheeses, but milk is iffier. You canfreeze milk to make it last longer, just shake it up real good when you thaw it out, but you can also get UHT milk—ultra high temperature—that's been heat-treated so you don't have to refrigerate it at all until it's opened so you can keep it on the counter or in the pantry.” He looked around a little. “I don't think we have any UHT milk for me to show you or I would. Stark's bankrolling us, as usually, and we're doing what I mentioned earlier about buying the more expensive stuff if you can afford it, and, well, Tony can afford anything, so we've been getting direct delivery from a local dairy farm once a week—it's in glass bottles, Steve and Buck are thrilled, it's cute. Anyway, another thing you can do is buy a gallon of milk, buy some powdered milk, once you've used half of that gallon, mix up half a gallon worth of that powdered milk with cold water, add it to the half gallon you had left. Boom, whole gallon of milk again, and I promise it's not weird and watery seeming like if you just reconstitute powdered milk by itself. It's good.
“You also want rice, shelf-stable protein like canned tuna, or these funky little packets,” he held up a pouch of lemon-pepper flavored tuna, “stuff to snack on like crackers and whatever you like on crackers, and bread—which is something else you can make yourself, seriously buy some flour and get your bake on, kneading bread is a great way to work out your frustrations.” He smacked a large bag of flour, caught it as it threatened to fall off the shelf, resettled it, and flashed a thumbs up.
It cut back to Clint in the kitchen, sitting at the island now. “For the sake of your own sanity, it's also important to make it where feeding yourself isn't just a chore and you actually enjoy your food. There's a lot of little things you can do that will help with that a lot even if you're not up to much more than throwing some ramen in the microwave.”
A package of Yaki Soba slid quickly across the counter right past Clint—a slivery blur flashed behind him, kicking up a breeze that ruffled his hair, and Pietro caught the package before is skidded right off the end of the island. “Sorry,” Pietro grinned sheepishly as he handed the Yaki Soba to Clint, “my bad.”
“I knew I should have asked your sister,” Clint teased. He rolled his eyes as Pietro ducked back out of frame, then held up the Yaki Soba for the camera. “If you're gonna have one of these, take two seconds before you make it, dig through your fridge, add a little soy sauce or teriyaki sauce to the water before you cook it, give it some flavor. Toss some shredded carrots, coleslaw mix, or even canned chicken in there. Make this stuff be real food instead of I'm-trying-to-feed-myself-in-my-dormroom sadness with minimal effort.”
He tossed the Yaki Soba out of frame, presumably to Pietro, and a plushy hotdog got tossed back to him. He caught it easily. “Hot dogs are great, easy and fast to fry up in a pan, but kinda meh on their own, so have some potato chips or shove fries or tater tots in the oven. Make some chili and have chili dogs.
“Speaking of chili….” He tossed the plushy back and a jar of Prego pasta sauce slid to him—it stopped a little short and he leaned forward to grab it. “We should have practiced this. Anyway. Jarred pasta sauce is totally fine, but you can use it as a spring board for excellent homemade sauce. Brown some ground meat in the bottom of a pot, put some onion through a food processor, cook it in a big pan, add some garlic, process some more veggies, any veggies, add them and some wine to the onions, once that's cooked down, add it all in with the meat, pour in some store bought sauce, feast like a god. I'm not even kidding, Thor loves this stuff, I made a whole vat of it last week. It's easier to do in bulk and it freezes well.  Andyou can split some off, add beans and spices, make yourself some damn good chili. I'll post a recipe with actual measurements and stuff.”
He slid the jar of sauce back and caught a box of dry noodle soup mix that had been thrown directly at his face. “Make this stuff with more noodles—if your extra noodles take more than 5 minutes to cook, put them in the water first, then add the soup mix when ther's five minutes to go. When it's almost done cooking, like a minute left, pour in a scrampled egg or three. You've got egg drop soup, white people style.”
He tossed the soup box back and Pietro threw a pack of premade pizza crusts to him like a frisbee. Clint fumbled it a little but didn't drop it. “Make your own pizza! You can get these flatbread rounds to use as crust, or you can make your own dough—if you have a bread machine, it will make the dough for you. Then, put whatever you want on your pizza. You can go traditional with red sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, or you can get feta, pre-cooked grilled chicken, olives and artichoke hearts—Tony likes that.” He gestured off camera. “The wonder twins over here like carrots on their pizza; I'm not gonna question it. Natasha made herself a bacon mac'n'cheese pizza for breakfast today.”
He flung the pizza rounds away and, judging by the thwap sound, no one caught them. “Just, think about your food. Have fun, experiment, sing while you cook, plan before you go shopping, don't feel like you have to settle for spaghetti-o's and cereal just because you're stuck at home. And, hey, tell me what you're cooking, what you like on pizza. Stay home, stay safe, stay well fed. From me, and Pietro, and the rest of the Avengers—thank you.”
He signed thank you as well and waved before the video went black.
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Tim and his Funky Protective Gloopy Parasite AU
I will most likely never get around to officially writing this, but I’ve had it saved since December and wanted to post it... I basically rewrote the entire Venom movie to fit JayTim, okies, so spoilers if you haven’t seen it yet. Also I borrowed a lot of the dialouge too.
Tim works as an investigator for Vicky Vale. She wants him to hack some shit to find out if there’s an affair going on between Harleen Quinzel and Pamela Isley. Or take photos. He can totally do a photojournalist type thing. Or both.
Tim’s long term girlfriend Steph is an intern at Neo Eden. Tim uses her employee login to hack into the system and look at Pamela’s emails— he finds reports about using humans as test subjects for alien parasite hosts to save the environment and stop global warming. The next day, he writes a report, bypasses it through the editors and posts it on the Gotham Gazette website. Vicky calls him in, fires him.
Tim: But this is real! Something finally important! People are dying! Vicky: We’re a gossip paper, Tim, not the Daily Planet. Isley has the money to sue us, you’re lucky she hasn’t shut us down completely.
Tim is all huffy, whatever, it’s fine. He only did it as a hobby/part time job, he has his whole Drake inheritance.
Steph has his stuff out on the sidewalk when he gets back to their place. She’s fucking livid. And tries knocking him in the face with a brick.
Steph: You couldn’t be fucking chill for, like, five minutes? Tim: She’s killing people with aliens on some Save-The-Planet agenda. Steph: That was my internship! I was lining up a job there! I got fired because of you. Tim: Do you really want to work at a place that’s experimenting with aliens though?
She breaks up with him. His face is on the cover of the Gazette, fresh off the press. “Drake Heir Posts False Rumors Attacking Pamela Isley.”
Tim: So that’s how Vickey got out of a lawsuit.
Tim’s just not in the mood for anything, depressed and all that, so he dedicates himself to living an Aesthetic Mood by buying some shitty apartment in the Bowery. It sucks but he gets a small routine. Friends with the late night shift at Batburger. His neighbors suck.
Eventually someone from Neo Eden approaches him. The dude is named Dick Grayson, he’s an undercover cop that’s been working at Neo Eden as a security guard to investigate the shady shit going on ever since Tim’s article was published. He asks Tim for help. Tim says no.
Tim goes across the city to the Burnley District to see Steph. He meets Cass, who graduated from Gotham University as a med student and now works at Gotham General Hospital. He’s really bummed and decides to call Dick back.
Dick brings him in at night to see the facility. Tim takes photos and then sees one of the poor dudes from Batburger is a test subject. He tries to help the dude out but it backfires (as things in Tim’s life tend to do) and the dude attacks Tim and that’s when Venom is transferred.
Tim and Dick sneak back out (because Dick’s not dying), and Dick drops him off at his shitty place in the Bowery.
Tim: So, are you going to get fired from GCPD?
Dick’s really vague but says he’ll be okay, his boss can sort it out (meaning Bruce.)
All the weird stuff starts happening to him. Crazy appetite. A fever. Venom starts speaking to him, just single words like, hungry and food.
Deliriously, Tim goes out and finds Steph grocery shopping with Cass. He is a little rabid and is raiding the frozen food section, Venom pointing things out, and Steph is really embarrassed. It reaches extreme levels when they pass the seafood section and Tim plops into the lobster tank.
They take Tim to Gotham General. Cass tries to do an MRI test but of course he spazzes because the loud noise hurts Venom. Tim claims he’s fine and leaves.
Back at his shitty apartment, he eats a bunch of garbage and pukes. Venom starts talking to him. (Diverging from the film for this next bit) Tim is kind of just like “fuck this,” and sits down to watch some mindless tv and hopefully nap. Venom introduces himself as Venom.
Tim: What the hell are you? Venom: I am Venom. Tim: You can’t just call yourself Venom. Every superhero or supervillain needs a civilian identity. Just because you’re some alien parasite doesn’t make you special. Venom: I’m not a parasite. Tim: Oh look, Friday the 13th is on. Awesome, I’ve never actually seen the entire thing, so be quiet.
Eventually Tim has an epiphany.
Tim: I’ll call you Jason!
Tim’s neighbor plays obnoxiously loud music and Jason freaks and Tim stomps over there to tell him to be quiet. The dude says no. Jason pulls his little freaky face thing and growls at the dude. The dude agrees to turn it down.
Eventually, Ivy finds him. (Looked at the security camera footage, got a photo of his face, tracked him down, etc.) A bunch of mercs come to attack him.
Jason: Don’t open the door.
Tim’s an idiot so he opens the door.
Tim and Jason argue over putting their hands up or down. Jason wins and attacks the mercs.
Jason: Outstanding! Now, let’s bite off all their heads; heads in one pile, bodies in another. Tim, exasperated: Why would we do that?
They leave the apartment, Tim catches his reflection in the window of a car. Jason scares him.
Jason: I can replace you. I can find another host, you’re just a replacement for my last one. Tim: Listen, if you don’t like me you can just leave, okay?
Mercs and drones show up so they go on a crazy motorcycle chase which includes Jason saving Tim from dying, like, twelve times.
They end up at a secluded warehouse, Tim is fully healed.
Jason: You’re mine, Timmy. Cooperate and you just might survive. Tim: Are you going to… you going to eat anybody else? Jason: Most likely. Tim: Ugh, God.
They go back to the Gotham Gazette office but security stops Tim from getting in.
Tim: If we go back to the apartment I can hack the security and we can come back and sneak in. Jason: Where’s the office? Tim: 22nd floor. Jason: Up? Tim: Yeah.
Jason takes that as permission (and it was NOT) to crawl up the side of the building. Tim is mildly panicking. They end up at the top of the building.
Jason: It’s almost peaceful up here. Tim: I’m not a fan of heights. Jason: Your world is not so ugly after all. I’m almost sorry to see it end. Tim: Don’t drop me, I swear to freaking god, you will never get tater tots again— wait, what the heck does that mean?!
Cue the airplane. Jason starts freaking out because of the noise, so he withdraws and then Tim starts falling.
Tim: Where’d you go? Jay, where’d you go? Jay—
Jason grips on to the building.
Jason: I got us.
Tim leaves the photos of Ivy’s lab that he took on his phone on Vicky's desk.
Jason: Jump. Tim, walking to the elevator: Nope. Jason: Pussy.
Mercs are waiting downstairs for them.
Tim: Guys, you don’t want to do this, trust me. Mercs: Masks! Copy! Tim: Okay, okay, have it your way… Mask! Jason: Copy.
Steph finds them after the fight. She drives Tim back to Gotham General to do more tests. Jason tells Tim to man up and apologize to her.
At the hospital, Cass looks at test results and says Tim has a parasite. Jason gets angry about being called a parasite. Cass explains that Jason is basically draining Tim in order to live. Tim feels really betrayed and leaves.
Tim gets captured by Ivy. Once it’s clear that he no longer has Venom she wants him dead. The Mercs take him out to the middle of an abandoned warehouse to kill him. Jason saves the day. Jason kisses Tim as Steph, and during the kiss morphs back into Tim.
Tim and Jason head off to find Isley.
Jason: Riot’s got shit you won’t believe. Tim: What are our chances? Jason: Basically zero. Tim: Alright, fuck it, let’s go save the world.
There’s a big fight. (Need to think about the rocket situation because I don’t want Ivy to die.) Riot tries to rip Venom from Tim. Tim reaches out and in a moment of pure gay love, Jason reaches out too, Tim’s fingertips brush Jason and they fuse together. There’s more fighting.
Steph cranks up a speaker and the noise makes Ivy and Tim separate from their symbiotes. Ivy goes to grab Riot but Tim pushes her away. Tim turns around and is impaled by Riot. Riot grabs Ivy and they go to board the rocket. Jason latches onto Tim, heals him, then they climb the rocket. Jason cuts through the fuel line and the rocket explodes. The fire hits Jason and Tim, so Jason detaches and allows Tim to live. Tim falls into the bay.
Later, Tim is back chilling with Steph. They’re friends now. Jason is interrupting the conversation and Steph is suspicious that something is going on. Tim claims it’s nothing and leaves.
Jason and Tim walk around together. Tim tries laying down some ground rules. Mainly that they can only eat bad people.
At the empty Batburger at night, a thug tries to rob the cashier at gunpoint. Jason asks if that’s a bad guy and Tim says yes.
Jason: We will eat both your arms, and then both of your legs, and then we will eat your face right off of your head. You will be this armless, legless, faceless thing, won't you, going down the street like a turd in the wind. Thug: What the hell are you? Tim and Jason smile: We are Venom.
The cashier is like, “Okay am I tripping on too much acid, or…?”
Tim: Oh… I have a parasite. Yeah. See you later, dude.” Jason: PaRaSiTe!? Tim: Symbiote is too complicated for the average Gotham citizen to understand. Jason: Well, you’re just a depressed hermit. Tim: Take that back!
They continue walking.
Tim: So… what do you want to do now? Jason: The way I see it, we can do whatever we want.
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queensidillas · 6 years
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hey bby! may i please have the numbers 14, 37, 38 and 100 for the drabble thing? Thank you
14 + 37 + 38 + 100 // chan
[ 100 ways to say I love you ]
word count : 1199
notes: this ended up longer than expected hahah
“Can I have this dance?”
Chan with extending his hand out, inviting you to dance with him.
‘SENIOR PROM’
“Looks like a scam,” you said out loud, earning a few glares from your surrounding peers. Turning your head at Chan who is reading the contents of the poster intently. “It’s probably just an excuse for the school to rip us off one last time and people would feel peer-pressured to buy a new gown or suit just to impress people that they don’t even like,’ you scoffed. “Hmmmm, I don’t know about that but I’ll take up any opportunity to dance, Chan replied. “Chan, you would dance in the middle of an empty corridor if you could,” you chuckled at the thought of it.
You looked at him incredulously. Looking around, you see no one beside you except the vacant seats. Taking his hand meekly, he pulled you in and wrapped one arm around your waist all while flashing his smile. When did he become so charming?
“Why so shy for? What happened to my snide tongue buddy,” he pointed out. “I don’t know man, maybe if someone wasn’t wrapping his arm around me I would actually be level headed by now,” you rolled your eyes at him. “You look good by the way,” he complimented. Chan, what are you up to? Letting go of your waist when reaching the dancefloor, he started strutting his moves to Billie Jean. He was always so enthusiastic with anything MJ related, a contrast to what many of your peers listen to. The DJ slowly transitioned the song from a funky beat to a slow dance, just in time for Chan to finish off his dance. The loud cheers for him were quickly settled down with everyone trying to find a respective partner for the dance OR residing back to their places to avoid the dancefloor during this time. You wanting to be the latter, was stopped by Chan holding onto your wrist and swooping you into his arms.
“You’re actually going for Prom??” you shouted out. Chan was casually eating breakfast at your place before you both head out to school. “Yeah?” before he shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Before you could respond, “It is our final year, so why not?” he said. “But-” that’s when your mum barged in. “I’ve been telling her that for the past week, but she won’t listen,” your mum was basically complaining to Chan about your distaste to towards anything school related. He just nodded in agreement and you gave him the most offended look. “I thought you were on my side!”, you exclaimed. “I am! But your mum is feeding me now so….” He shrugged. Your mum gave a high-5 to him in return. You were so done.
You weren’t one for slow dances at all. You always found it unpleasant to have someone wrap their arms around you and sway but with him, it was like his arms were meant for the curves of your waist like a fitted puzzle piece. It was only one song, but one song was all you both needed for that night.
By the end of it, your feet were starting to ache from the discomfort of wearing heels. Chan could see your discomfort like an open book and quickly brought you out of the hall. He didn’t stop holding onto you, in fears you might trip. Finding an empty classroom, he pulls a chair out for you and another one for him just opposite of you.
“Put your feet up,” he tapped on his lap. Eyes widening at his request. “Come on, you know I can’t even hurt a fly.” That was a lie, he had a black belt in taekwondo that only you knew about. Everyone in school just known him as a dancer. You cautiously brought your feet up, he removed your heels. Upon removal, you can see the red marks where the straps of your heels strained on your feet and boy, did it hurt. He cautiously positioned your feet on his lap and started rubbing on them, hoping to ease your pain. “God, that feels so damn good but I look so unflattering right now,” you breathly said. You let the exhaustion from the event loom over you momentarily. He continues rubbing your feet until you’re satisfied.
“Thank you, Chan.”
“I hate you.” “No, you don’t”. You can’t believe your mum was forcing you to go for prom in hopes you wouldn’t regret it. Why couldn’t she understand that school was a regret itself. Chan helped you to wear the corsage your mum bought for both of you and you helped fix the boutonniere on his blazer. The fact Chan was willing to even take you as his ‘date’ was unbelievable. He wasted his chance on asking a pretty girl out on you, his potato of a friend.
Propping your bare feet back on the ground, you walked towards the windows of the classroom. There was supposed to be fireworks scheduled around this time, as prom was about to conclude. As soon as the first set of fireworks went off, a whole bunch of them spark the night sky like a domino effect. One setting off after another. Chan watches as the coloured sky illuminated the astonishment on your face. That’s when he decided to come clean to you.
Jabbing your sides, you were about to go off on him when he puts his arm over your shoulder, closing the distance. The warmth of his body was slowly radiating off him but all you could feel was your heartbeat rising off the charts. Leaning his head forward, he whispered, “Can I kiss you?”. In the heat of the moment, you pulled his face closer to give him your answer but the rush of it all made your teeth hit onto each other instead. Pulling back, you both looked at each other and burst into laughter at how ridiculous it was. You quickly suppressed your laugh, not wanting to go overboard on your reaction. “Hey, it’s okay. I like your laugh. Don’t hold back alright?” he cups your cheek with affection. In his reassurance, you placed your hand on top his. “What do you even see in me, Lee Chan? Look at me, I’m a potato in a ridiculously fancy looking dress that I would never wear again,” you tried to pull his hands off your face but he wouldn’t budge. “Don’t you know I love potatoes? I love how they can become all sorts of things like fries, tater tots, hash browns and I could go on forever,” Chan gushed. “What are you trying to say? Your final supper?”, you said sneered.  “In other words, I love you.” He waits for your reply anxiously. You look at him, the boy who was by your side from the start of high school up till now. How he still stayed by you despite how frank you were and took no nonsense from anyone. Something else was built besides your friendship along the way, something a little more endearing.
Lee Chan finds his reply in the fleeting contact of your soft lips on his.
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afterourhearts · 7 years
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food i’ll miss the most in RVA
Hi guys! This is almost more of a post for myself to think back and remember all the delicious cuisine in Richmond that I won’t be able to readily access anymore. As my last month here creeps up on me, I’ve been thinking more and more about how much I’ve grown to love this little “river” city. It’s only apt that I’m taking an archaeology class about Richmond in my last semester as it only reminds me yet again about how rich in culture this place is. Of course, I’m still thrilled to head back to Ohio (or maybe Philly if the interviews went well?), but I think I’ll always be willing to visit Richmond in the future and show my future friends around this adorable place :) ok, but on to the food (not ranked in order of best or anything just places I absolutely adore):
1) Huynh’s now turned Vietnam One Vermicelli with Tofu & Spring Roll - ok so most people have tried this popular Viet dish but I’ve tried at least like 10 of these from diff. places and nothing beats the dish at Vietnam One here. It’s the TOFU. It’s seasoned and cooked to perfection; crispy on outside and soft on the inside and bursting with flavor (as opposed to a lot of other places that have pretty bland fried tofu). Honestly I could just eat the tofu and be pleased. So many memories and probably 50+ trips to this place with my apt., definitely forever going to be in our hearts.
2) Jack Brown’s BBQ chips with mac n cheese burger - only like $6, 5 minutes from my school, juiciest homemade patty, amazing pairing of creamy mac n cheese with crispy chip pieces, and all served with the most refreshing pickle. UGH I WANT IT NOW.
3) Frank West’s Pizzeria Cheese Pizza - omgomgomg so everyone here likes Christian’s which is a NY style thin crust heavy cheese pizza and also fairly good but Frank West’s is even better though less known! A local here showed it to me and I’ve been in love ever since. Crust is on a thinner side but not crazy thin, generous amounts of sauce which I love, and the cheese is speckled with some kind of seasoning that is perfection.
4) Peter Chang’s Dry Fried Eggplant - so there isn’t much Chinese food here to rave about due to the heavily viet but low chinese population in rva but they at least boast one authentic szechuan place (though hong kong house in cbus is def better) STILL they have this standout eggplant dish here that I’ve never seen elsewhere. It’s fried eggplant “fries” seasoned in szechuan flavors/cilantro and it isn’t greasy b/c it is dry fried rather than deep fried. AMAZING alternative to fries!
5) Sugar Shack Donuts esp. lemon poppyseed and strawberry lemon - ok so RVA is KNOWN for donuts and for good reason. Sugar shack has been ranked in national magazines/food blogs all the time and it has literally the yummiest donuts I’ve ever had. Coming from cbus where donuts is just Krispy Kreme, I truly can say I’ve never known anything better existed. Sugar shack is like a bigger, better krispy kreme. It doesn’t melt away in your mouth in seconds like krispy kreme but it is still so fluffy and airy inside like lightweight bakery bread almost. Planning on bringing a dozen of these home after graduation!
6) Bombolini Pasta - a little place in Carytown that has really authentic pasta and delicious sauces, as well as a bunch of homemade frozen ravioli you can buy and cook later at home. I love that the noodles here are never overcooked, like true pasta should be served :) 
7) Honey Truffle Fries and Salt n Pepper Fries with Garlic Aioli at Postbellum - this place has a cute little rooftop bar and the most amazing thin fries!!! honey + truffle oil topped with shaved parmesan - could there be a better combo?! The only fries I like better than here are the crispy BonChon ones but BonChon can be found outside of RVA too!
8) Social 52 Crab Dip with Pita - I’ve never had better crab dip, or maybe I was just really drunk xD this bar does have a ton of tasty fusion style apps though!
9) Toast Sweet Potato Tater Tots - a gastropub right beside my school that often rotates out some really unique fusion style dishes (kimchi aiolis and shiz like that) but we always come back to their staple side dish, the sweet potato tots. MMMMMM mmm mm! People make sweet potato fries all the time, but tots? wowzaa
10) Gelati Celesti Chocolate Decadence - hands down the creamiest, thickest, chocolateyest cold creamy gelato goodness you’ll ever try! 
11) Noorani’s Gobi Manchurian, Chicken 65, Egg biryani, and Seekh Kabab - omg I could go on and on about this place forever. Yes your stomach will rebel against you the following day but it is worth the later pain hahaha. I just LOVE their gobi manchurian (fried cauliflower tossed in an indo-chinese sauce), they have the most well-spiced chicken 65 ever, biryani is on the wetter side which I LOVE, and mmm the seekh kabob is served in the most amazing sauce with sliced ginger and it’s just like pakistani heaven!!! It breaks my heart thinking about how much I’ll miss this place :’( even though service is crap, food is always delicious.
12) Zzzaaaam bibimbap bowls - this place is like a korean chipotle but it has every topping you’d ever want in your bibimbap at extremely reasonable prices, with a variety of super tasty sauce combos and topped with sesame oil drizzle. I always feel fairly healthy eating here too which is a bonus :) 
13) New Grand Market Cafe’s Jajungmyeon with Tangsooyuk = ehrmygawd this is the most amazing combination ever created!! Tasty hot noodles in black bean seafood sauce paired with crispy sweet & sour pork & bell peppers/onions = heaven on earth; place is also a supermarket so you can stock up on asian snacks while you’re here!
14) Chadar Thai’s Drunken Noodles and Curry Fried Rice - the best Thai place in this city. Ignore the overpriced and underwhelming Carytown places (thai diner, mom’s siam, ginger thai, thai top ten, elephant thai, thai palace, etc) and come here! Definitely the BEST and most flavorful thai place around!! Their drunken noodles are UNBEATABLE and yes I’ve tried like 7 other places so I would know lololol
15) Shyndigz Fruit Cake and Key Lime Pie - this place is the cutest little date dessert spot!! they have christmas lights everywhere indoor and outdoors and just the cutest little southern belle/rustic theme; grab a slice of their super moist and fresh fruitcake or absolutely perfectly tart key lime pie with the tastiest crust with your girls or a boo thang and enjoy it under the christmas light warm glow!! you’ll 100% have a night to remember :) 
16) Plaza Azteca burritos/enchiladas - so I’m not a huge fan of Mexican because I find a lot of the dishes bland but this place is diff. and they believe in heavy use of sauces/queso which I LOVEEEE. the free nachos/salsa they give are amazing (super thin crispy nachos and the smoothest/freshest salsa), made to order guac is perfect!!, and any of their burritos/enchiladas are bound to be completely covered in sauce and other drizzles and also laying in like a literal pool of more sauce so ohmygoodness yes I’m a big fan
17) Burger Bach New Zealand Burgers - def on the costlier side but comes with a side of fancy salad w like arugula and shiz not just iceberg lettuce and a bunch of creative dips for your fries; burger is also bigger and more flavorful than at Jack Brown’s but Jack beats this place based on price and bun and size and convenience and that freaking pickle ... lol burger bach to jack browns is like shake shack to in-n-out ... one is obvs more expensive and better in quality but the other is unique in taste and affordable sooooooo ya just love BOTH!
18) Mama J’s Southern Kitchen - if you want real soul food this is where its at; here is the only place I like collard greens and they have the sweetest yams and amazing catfish (only place better was in new orleans!) and these freaking awesome wings you must ask for tossed in something called Edy’s sauce. not even sure wtf is in that sauce but it’s bliss
19) Addis Kitchen’s Injera - have you tried ethiopian bread before?? liz and I came across this place when we went to a lackluster italian festival and still needed more food and tried injera for the first time. it was delicious!! it’s a sour, spongey bread that isn’t heavy at all you could literally eat it for ages and just paired amazingly with their veggie/meat dishes which remind me of indian curries a bit. def an experience i’d recommend!
20) Foo Dog’s Fried Tofu and Malaysian Ramen - ok so this place is no fukuryu but the coconut based lemongrass soup is really tasty (noodles need work) and their fried tofu app is deliciously stuffed with a bunch of flavorful veggies and sauces and if you want some bao sandwiches/asian street food combos this is def a good place!
21) Continental Westhampton’s Poutine Fries - omggg this plate of fries is not only covered in gravy but also scallions and an EGG and cheese and if this isn’t your idea of dream loaded fries idk what is
22) Galaxy Diner Malt Shakes and Pickle Chips - so this diner serves breakfast all day and is perfect for post drinking food binges that will do major damage to your waistline but all the greasy foods are just okay in my opnion; really not a standout place except for the funky atmosphere/lighting and one particularly spectacular drink: their malt shakes!!!!!! enough said
23) Don’t Look Back Fish Tacos (traditional style) and Chorizo tacos (gringo style) - it’s not quite LA street taco quality but it’s about as good as it gets around here!
24) Cookout banana shake, chili cheese dogs, chicken nugs, cheese fries, and onion rings - a late night drive through that has everything you’d ever want at 2am in the morning at dollar prices. how perf is this? 
There’s probably places I’m forgetting (as you can tell I’ve eaten out a LOT in college hahahhaa) so I’ll try to keep updating this but for now, these are the places that will always have a special place in my heart and that I highly recommend you trying if you’re ever heading to VA beach and feel compelled to stop by adorably historic and tasty Richmond!
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macabreadventures · 4 years
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1, 3, 6, 7, 9, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 22, 25, 26, 27, 33, 38, 40, 43, 44, 48, 49, 50, 55, 56, 61, 73, 76, 77, 83, 86, 95, 98
191. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
Old fashioned glass (google it) especially if its Crystal 
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
Cotton Candy - my decision was made based on the fact that I like cotton candy ice cream sandwiches. Both are annoying flavours to be honest
6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
This ones hard cause I’m in-between pastel, preppy, and formal - that’s my personal fashion, but for the sake of big dresses I’m gonna say formal :)
7. earbuds or headphones?
headphones, they have an aesthetic to them and they make people not talk to me in public which I like
8. movies or tv shows?
Movies, because it’s easy to commit to 90 - 240 minutes than 4813974923 minutes of a tv show
9. favourite smell in the summer?
BBQ Grill, makes me hungry
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
Badminton - It be easy 
11. what do you have for breakfast on an average day?
a fried egg on buttered toast, with orange juice and maybe a fruit like strawberry or peach or black berries
12. name of your favorite playlist?
All time Favourites hahaha
13. lanyard or key ring?
Lanyward with a key ring??? isnt that ,,,, normal???
14. favorite non-chocolate candy?
Gummy bears or any sort of gummy that has berry flavours, especially if they look cute like hearts and things like that
15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?
I have several cause I really loved English class, Anne of Green Gables, Frankenstein, and All Quiet on the Western Front 
16. most comfortable position to sit in?
Like that sort of side-saddle leaning on your side thing, very lady-like
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
Black Patent Leather 2.5″ block heel ankle boots, almond toe
18. ideal weather?
I like when it’s sunny and 20 degrees Celsius but windy so I can wear a cardigan over a cute outfit, or when it’s gloomy and windy that’s a vibe, or when it’s raining real hard and it’s dark out - the sound is soothing
22. Role model?
In job interviews I always say Audrey Hepburn, but I would say Evie from the Mummy, just someone I look up too
25. first song you remember hearing?
I’m like a Bird - Nelly Furtado, Hate it now never want to hear it
26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?
I stay inside most of the time, so maybe walking. I wish I could swim though, love swimming
27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?
cuddle up in cozy blankets and drink warm beverages like hot chocolate or matcha lattes and watch stuff
38. lemonade or tea?
tea, milk tea like chai :)
40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?
Someone beating up a cop outside the school and someone filming and putting it up on WorldStar
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
This is hard cause I like all of them, cardigan, bomber jacket and hoodie stand out. 
44. favorite scent for soap?
like regular/fresh, I don’t go to crazy for soap smells
48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
Cherry, just cause I like cherries
49. what saying or quote do you live by?
It do be that way, thats current
50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
I don’t know, I can’t remember the hardest right now - I know there is a definitely an answer but for now I know there is specifically guy who makes me laugh :)
55. favourite fairy tale?
The Red Shoes, The Little Match Girl, and Blue Beard but I really like Sleeping Beauty too
56. favourite tradition?
breaking a coconut for good luck cause I like coconut water straight from the coconut and we drill it first so I can drink it before break it for good luck
61. favourite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
The opening to Laura (1944) comes to mind “ I shall never forget the weekend Laura died. A silver sun burned through the sky like a huge magnifying glass” sets the tone and the mystery so well, and the Gilda (1946) line “I hate you so much, I hate you so much I would destroy myself to take you down with me” ugghhh the hate-love theme, the passion, the power so fucking good. Film Noirs are so good with memorable lines.
73. favourite weird flavor combo?
I don’t have any but uhhhh ketchup on white rice
76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?
Baked Potatoes - with sour cream, salt and pepper, green onion
Also scallop potatoes
77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?
Ooooo, Money plants, with all the stems you can pin up
83. writing or drawing?
drawing, I haven’t written creatively in years so writing is all journal stuff but drawing is all funky bad doodles of my dog or flowers
86. cookies or cupcakes?
This is a hard question only cause I had a BOMB ass cupcake today, but I’m gonna say cookies cause chocolate chip cookies are divine 
95. favorite app on your phone?
Twitter so I can talk to all the cool people, and see what all my friends are up to
98. favorite historical era?
New Kingdom Era Egypt, 1700 - 1890 Europe (Enlightenment, Scientific revolution and Victorian) , and the 1940′s
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foodrecipes2019 · 6 years
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SWEET POTATO HOME FRIES
SWEET POTATO HOME FRIES
Home fries. How do we feel about them? Allow me to summarize my thoughts thusly:
Home fries are the best hangover food ever.
^^No truer words have ever been blogged.
Aside from being great hangover food, I’ve always viewed home fries to be that country kitchen staple – there really is nothing like a home fry that crunches to perfection on the outside and splooges on the inside. With just the right amount of salt. And Tobasco. And ketchup.  I believe breakfast restaurants should 200% be scored on the quality of their home fry, because let’s face it: home fries are really what we’re in for anyway, right? Plus the bacon, right? Right.
We all know I’m a mega fan of consuming sweet potatoes in//on//around my breakfast eggs, so I thought I’d pass along some sweet potato home fry steaze for those times you have a hangover to cure, slash some extra time on a weekend morning. It’s really quite simple to prepare this recipe ingredient-wise…really, it’s all in the technique.
Now truth:  These are not going to crisp up quite as well as the crispiest of home fries you’ve consumed in your life. For starters, they’re not deep fried, and secondly, the body chemistry of the sweet potato makes it softer and less crispable than say a russet or a yukon potato. Nevertheless, the little tater tots come out of the skillet piping hot, with a nice crisp-to-splooge ratio, and you’ll want to make and enjoy them ee’ry dang day.
You can change up the spices you add to your home skillet according to your personal taste. You can serve these crisp mongers with your choice of over easy/sunny side up/poached/scrambled egg, and you can also add some sort of funky fresh breakfast sauce I’ve never even heard of. Gravy? That would be too wild for this plain vanilla gal. Not! 
As you can see, I took the sunny side up egg + avocado + hemp seed approach. So simple. So many textures. All the flavors. Breakfast o’ champerines.
Stay tuned for scenes from your next sweet potato…
SWEET POTATO HOME FRIES
PREP TIME: 10 MINUTES
  COOK TIME: 22 MINUTES
  TOTAL TIME: 32 MINUTES
AUTHOR: JULIA
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INGREDIENTS
3 tablespoons coconut oil
1-½ pounds sweet potatoeschopped into ½-inch cubes
1 large yellow onion sliced
5 cloves garlic minced
1-½ teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon sea salt to taste
4 tablespoons to 6 water
INSTRUCTIONS
Heat the coconut oil in a large non-stick (or cast iron) skillet over medium-high heat.
Add the chopped sweet potatoes and stir to coat in oil. Allow them to cook untouched for 4 minutes.
Stir in the chopped onion and cook for 8 minutes, stirring only once or twice to allow the onion and sweet potato to brown.
Turn down the heat to medium and add the garlic, salt, chili powder, and paprika. Saute, stirring constantly, for 4 minutes.
Add the water (start with ¼ cup - you can always add more later if necessary) and cover the skillet. Cook for 5 to 8 minutes, until sweet potatoes are cooked through.
Serve with your favorite breakfast items, such as eggs, bacon, salsa, and avocado.
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cucinacarmela-blog · 6 years
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22 Superrich Recipes to Break Your Resolution in t...
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[Photographs: J. Kenji López-Alt]
It’s that time of the year when everyone’s made some kind of New Year’s resolution, and for a lot of people that means trying to eat better. That’s all well and good—I would never begrudge someone for trying to be healthier—but if you’re going to spend most of your time eating kale and chia seeds then I think you deserve a treat once in a while. Pulled pork jalapeño poppers, fried chicken, and mac and cheese shouldn’t be everyday foods, but sometimes you need to indulge. If you’re going to break your resolution, we’ve got 22 fatty anti-resolution recipes to make sure you do it right.
Greasy, Gooey Snacks
Detroit-Style Pan Pizza
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Long-beloved in Michigan, Detroit-style pizza has started to go national in recent years. It’s made with a thick, chewy crust; tons of creamy Brick cheese; and a sweet tomato sauce (in that order). Pepperoni is a classic addition, with some restaurants layering it on top to get crispy and others putting it under the cheese and sauce so that the fat seeps into the crust. Since we’re going big right now, we put it on top and bottom.
Get the recipe for Detroit-Style Pan Pizza »
Pulled Pork Jalapeño Poppers With Raspberry Sauce
[Photograph: Morgan Eisenberg]
I love jalapeño poppers, but if we’re really going to be starting the New Year off right, we’re going to need something a little more epic. These smokey poppers are stuffed with pulled pork and wrapped in bacon. We don’t deep-fry them, but given all the pork I’d say they’re still a far cry for health food.
Get the recipe for Pulled Pork Jalapeño Poppers With Raspberry Sauce »
Cornbread-Coated Pulled Pork Mac and Cheese Wedges
[Photograph: Morgan Eisenberg]
Regular old deep fried mac and cheese wedges don’t go far enough, either. We bring back the pulled pork in this recipe, layering it with the mac, coating it all in a cornbread batter, and frying until golden brown. Freezing the macaroni and pork is key to not making too much of a mess when it’s time to batter and fry.
Get the recipe for Cornbread-Coated Pulled Pork Mac and Cheese Wedges »
Totchos (Tater Tot Nachos) With Cheese Sauce, Charred Tomato Salsa, Chorizo, and Pickled Jalapeños
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Our Ultimate Fully Loaded Nachos are already a gut-buster, but if you think tortilla chips are too boring then try using crispy tater tots instead. Our totchos aren’t just heavy, though, they’re also delicious, thanks to high-quality toppings like homemade charred-tomato salsa and cheese sauce, crisp chorizo, and fresh vegetables.
Get the recipe for Totchos (Tater Tot Nachos) With Cheese Sauce, Charred Tomato Salsa, Chorizo, and Pickled Jalapeños »
Pommes Aligot
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
Rich and fatty doesn’t have to mean junk food. Pommes aligot is a dish from south-central France that takes mashed potatoes and makes them more intense than you would have ever thought possible. That means using the standard cream and butter, but also melting in more than half a pound of Alpine cheeses (we like a mix of Swiss and Gruyère). You also want to overwork the potatoes to release extra starch, which in combination with the cheese makes for incredibly gooey results.
Get the recipe for Pommes Aligot »
Burgers and Sandwiches
Spinach and Artichoke Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
We have no shortage of grilled cheese recipes, but right now one of my favorites is this version that mashes up the sandwich with spinach-artichoke dip. We start with a simple dip made by sautéing onion, frozen spinach, and canned artichoke hearts and mixing with homemade mayo, then pair with creamy Drunken Goat cheese (Havarti is also a solid choice).
Get the recipe for Spinach and Artichoke Grilled Cheese Sandwiches »
Cuban Sandwiches
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
We make our Cuban sandwiches with three different kinds of pork: sweet ham, savory roast pork, and funky Genoa salami. That last ingredient might upset some Miami readers, but it’s a classic part of a Tampa-style Cuban. We pair the pork with Swiss cheese, dill pickles, and mustard on Cuban bread and cook it in a sandwich press or under a heavy skillet until all the ingredients meld together.
Get the recipe for Cuban Sandwiches »
Rich and Creamy Croque Madames
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
The croque madame starts just like a croque monsieur: toasted brioche, ham, grated cheese, and Mornay sauce. Layered together and broiled you already have a serious brunch, but to take it one step further and turn it into a croque madame, top each sandwich with a runny fried egg before serving.
Get the recipe for Rich and Creamy Croque Madames »
The McWhopper
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
A fast food hamburger definitely doesn’t fit with health-conscious New Year’s resolutions, and our homemade Big Mac and Whopper recipes will both help you start the year off on a gluttonous note. Can’t decide which you want to make? Just split the difference by combining the flame-broiled Whopper patty with our reverse-engineered Big Mac sauce and both fresh and dehydrated onions.
Get the recipe for The McWhopper »
The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt
[Photograph: Robyn Lee]
Cardiologists, look away now. This burger takes decadence to a whole new level—not only do we use two quarter-pound patties and four slices of bacon, but to throw all sense of restraint out the window we replace the buns with three grilled cheese sandwiches. Make one of these in the next few days and you might not need to eat again for the rest of the month.
Get the recipe for The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt »
Ultra-Smashed Brunch Burgers With Quick Jalapeño Hollandaise
[Photograph: Morgan Eisenberg]
Looking for a monster burger that you can feel okay about eating for breakfast? This brunch-friendly option tops crispy-edged smashed patties with oven-cooked bacon, fried eggs, avocado, and a spicy jalapeño Hollandaise. Toasted English muffins keep the breakfast theme going and soak up the runny yolk and sauce.
Get the recipe for Ultra-Smashed Brunch Burgers With Quick Jalapeño Hollandaise »
Meaty Mains
Ultra-Crispy Slow-Roasted Pork Shoulder
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Pork shoulder is one of my top picks for a winter dinner party—it’s decadent, affordable, and super easy. All you have to do is season with salt and pepper, roast in a low oven until the meat practically starts to fall apart, then max out the oven temperature to crisp up the skin.
Get the recipe for Ultra-Crispy Slow-Roasted Pork Shoulder »
The Food Lab’s Southern Fried Chicken
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
The perfect fried chicken should have super moist meat and an extra-crunchy crust. We accomplish this by brining the chicken in buttermilk (which both tenderizes and seasons it) and mixing some brine into the flour coating to add surface area to the crust. We use a two-stage cooking technique—frying then baking—to ensure that the chicken cooks evenly.
Get the recipe for The Food Lab’s Southern Fried Chicken »
The Best Chicken Parmesan
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
We borrow the buttermilk brine and breading technique from our fried chicken to make chicken Parmesan, but give it a distinctly Italian-American flavor by adding Parmesan to the breading and serving the chicken with a slow-cooked red sauce, cubes of mozzarella, and more grated Parmesan. You can eat the chicken as is, but it’s even better on a party-sized sandwich.
Get the recipe for The Best Chicken Parmesan »
Traditional French Cassoulet
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Like pommes aligot, cassoulet is a French classic that proves that hearty, indulgent food doesn’t have to be junky. This super-filling stew is packed with poultry, sausage, pork, and beans—just what you need on a cold day. Cassoulet is typically made with duck, but we find that using chicken with a little duck fat gives you similar flavor for less money.
Get the recipe for Traditional French Cassoulet »
Cheesy Pastas and Casseroles
Tater Tot Casserole
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
If you’re from certain parts of the Midwest, Tater Tot hotdish probably has a special place in your heart. It’s typically made with ground beef, canned or frozen vegetables, condensed soup, and frozen tater tots. We upgrade our version by replacing the condensed soup with a mushroom béchamel, but keep the frozen tots because it’s hard to outdo Ore-Ida.
Get the recipe for Tater Tot Casserole »
The Best Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Both creamy and satisfying and a little more sophisticated than the typical enchilada casserole, this dish is made with a simple charred poblano salsa, simmered chicken, pepper jack cheese, and Mexican crema. Even though we don’t go too heavy on the cheese, this is still a rib-sticking dish.
Get the recipe for The Best Creamy Chicken Enchiladas »
French Onion Strata
[Photograph: Emily and Matt Clifton]
The name strata sounds fancy, but at its heart it’s just a savory bread pudding. This hearty strata gets the flavors of a bowl of French onion soup from caramelized onions and grated Gruyère. To speed up the recipe we use quick-caramelized onions with a little sugar added—the flavor isn’t quite the same as slow-caramelized onions, but you can get most of the way there in significantly less time.
Get the recipe for French Onion Strata »
The Food Lab’s Ultra-Gooey Stovetop Mac and Cheese
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
This mac and cheese is better than the blue box and not much more work to make—you just need a mixture of melting cheeses, a few thickeners and binders (cornstarch, evaporated milk, and eggs), and hot sauce. It all comes together in 15 minutes, but if that sounds like too much work, then check out our three-ingredient recipe, which is even easier than boxed macaroni.
Get the recipe for The Food Lab’s Ultra-Gooey Stovetop Mac and Cheese »
Crispy Baked Pasta With Mushrooms, Sausage, and Parmesan Cream Sauce
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
This comforting baked pasta is a little more time- and labor-intensive than mac and cheese, but it still only takes about half an hour. Mushrooms sautéed in rendered sausage fat add flavor and a meaty bite, soy sauce and lemon juice make the dish super savory, and a cheesy cream sauce brings the richness. Top with a layer of breadcrumbs for a crunchy finish.
Get the recipe for Crispy Baked Pasta With Mushrooms, Sausage, and Parmesan Cream Sauce »
American Chop Suey (Macaroni, Beef, and Cheese Skillet Casserole)
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
This casserole has a variety of names across the country—where I grew up in Indiana we called it chili mac—but by any name it’s a delicious piece of Americana. The dish is always made with pasta, ground beef, tomato sauce, and cheese—our recipe adds green peppers, onions, and a couple tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce (a classic addition in New England).
Get the recipe for American Chop Suey (Macaroni, Beef, and Cheese Skillet Casserole) »
Baked Ziti With Two Mozzarellas and Parmesan Cream Sauce
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
At its best, baked ziti should be rich and creamy, but all too often low-quality supermarket ricotta makes it bland and grainy. It’s a little easier than it used to be to find good ricotta, but we still get rid of it altogether and use a Parmesan cream sauce instead, plus low-moisture mozzarella mixed in with the pasta and fresh mozzarella melted on top.
Get the recipe for Baked Ziti With Two Mozzarellas and Parmesan Cream Sauce »
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[Photographs: J. Kenji López-Alt]
It’s that time of the year when everyone’s made some kind of New Year’s resolution, and for a lot of people that means trying to eat better. That’s all well and good—I would never begrudge someone for trying to be healthier—but if you’re going to spend most of your time eating kale and chia seeds then I think you deserve a treat once in a while. Pulled pork jalapeño poppers, fried chicken, and mac and cheese shouldn’t be everyday foods, but sometimes you need to indulge. If you’re going to break your resolution, we’ve got 22 fatty anti-resolution recipes to make sure you do it right.
Greasy, Gooey Snacks
Detroit-Style Pan Pizza
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Long-beloved in Michigan, Detroit-style pizza has started to go national in recent years. It’s made with a thick, chewy crust; tons of creamy Brick cheese; and a sweet tomato sauce (in that order). Pepperoni is a classic addition, with some restaurants layering it on top to get crispy and others putting it under the cheese and sauce so that the fat seeps into the crust. Since we’re going big right now, we put it on top and bottom.
Get the recipe for Detroit-Style Pan Pizza »
Pulled Pork Jalapeño Poppers With Raspberry Sauce
[Photograph: Morgan Eisenberg]
I love jalapeño poppers, but if we’re really going to be starting the New Year off right, we’re going to need something a little more epic. These smokey poppers are stuffed with pulled pork and wrapped in bacon. We don’t deep-fry them, but given all the pork I’d say they’re still a far cry for health food.
Get the recipe for Pulled Pork Jalapeño Poppers With Raspberry Sauce »
Cornbread-Coated Pulled Pork Mac and Cheese Wedges
[Photograph: Morgan Eisenberg]
Regular old deep fried mac and cheese wedges don’t go far enough, either. We bring back the pulled pork in this recipe, layering it with the mac, coating it all in a cornbread batter, and frying until golden brown. Freezing the macaroni and pork is key to not making too much of a mess when it’s time to batter and fry.
Get the recipe for Cornbread-Coated Pulled Pork Mac and Cheese Wedges »
Totchos (Tater Tot Nachos) With Cheese Sauce, Charred Tomato Salsa, Chorizo, and Pickled Jalapeños
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Our Ultimate Fully Loaded Nachos are already a gut-buster, but if you think tortilla chips are too boring then try using crispy tater tots instead. Our totchos aren’t just heavy, though, they’re also delicious, thanks to high-quality toppings like homemade charred-tomato salsa and cheese sauce, crisp chorizo, and fresh vegetables.
Get the recipe for Totchos (Tater Tot Nachos) With Cheese Sauce, Charred Tomato Salsa, Chorizo, and Pickled Jalapeños »
Pommes Aligot
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
Rich and fatty doesn’t have to mean junk food. Pommes aligot is a dish from south-central France that takes mashed potatoes and makes them more intense than you would have ever thought possible. That means using the standard cream and butter, but also melting in more than half a pound of Alpine cheeses (we like a mix of Swiss and Gruyère). You also want to overwork the potatoes to release extra starch, which in combination with the cheese makes for incredibly gooey results.
Get the recipe for Pommes Aligot »
Burgers and Sandwiches
Spinach and Artichoke Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
We have no shortage of grilled cheese recipes, but right now one of my favorites is this version that mashes up the sandwich with spinach-artichoke dip. We start with a simple dip made by sautéing onion, frozen spinach, and canned artichoke hearts and mixing with homemade mayo, then pair with creamy Drunken Goat cheese (Havarti is also a solid choice).
Get the recipe for Spinach and Artichoke Grilled Cheese Sandwiches »
Cuban Sandwiches
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
We make our Cuban sandwiches with three different kinds of pork: sweet ham, savory roast pork, and funky Genoa salami. That last ingredient might upset some Miami readers, but it’s a classic part of a Tampa-style Cuban. We pair the pork with Swiss cheese, dill pickles, and mustard on Cuban bread and cook it in a sandwich press or under a heavy skillet until all the ingredients meld together.
Get the recipe for Cuban Sandwiches »
Rich and Creamy Croque Madames
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
The croque madame starts just like a croque monsieur: toasted brioche, ham, grated cheese, and Mornay sauce. Layered together and broiled you already have a serious brunch, but to take it one step further and turn it into a croque madame, top each sandwich with a runny fried egg before serving.
Get the recipe for Rich and Creamy Croque Madames »
The McWhopper
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
A fast food hamburger definitely doesn’t fit with health-conscious New Year’s resolutions, and our homemade Big Mac and Whopper recipes will both help you start the year off on a gluttonous note. Can’t decide which you want to make? Just split the difference by combining the flame-broiled Whopper patty with our reverse-engineered Big Mac sauce and both fresh and dehydrated onions.
Get the recipe for The McWhopper »
The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt
[Photograph: Robyn Lee]
Cardiologists, look away now. This burger takes decadence to a whole new level—not only do we use two quarter-pound patties and four slices of bacon, but to throw all sense of restraint out the window we replace the buns with three grilled cheese sandwiches. Make one of these in the next few days and you might not need to eat again for the rest of the month.
Get the recipe for The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt »
Ultra-Smashed Brunch Burgers With Quick Jalapeño Hollandaise
[Photograph: Morgan Eisenberg]
Looking for a monster burger that you can feel okay about eating for breakfast? This brunch-friendly option tops crispy-edged smashed patties with oven-cooked bacon, fried eggs, avocado, and a spicy jalapeño Hollandaise. Toasted English muffins keep the breakfast theme going and soak up the runny yolk and sauce.
Get the recipe for Ultra-Smashed Brunch Burgers With Quick Jalapeño Hollandaise »
Meaty Mains
Ultra-Crispy Slow-Roasted Pork Shoulder
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Pork shoulder is one of my top picks for a winter dinner party—it’s decadent, affordable, and super easy. All you have to do is season with salt and pepper, roast in a low oven until the meat practically starts to fall apart, then max out the oven temperature to crisp up the skin.
Get the recipe for Ultra-Crispy Slow-Roasted Pork Shoulder »
The Food Lab’s Southern Fried Chicken
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
The perfect fried chicken should have super moist meat and an extra-crunchy crust. We accomplish this by brining the chicken in buttermilk (which both tenderizes and seasons it) and mixing some brine into the flour coating to add surface area to the crust. We use a two-stage cooking technique—frying then baking—to ensure that the chicken cooks evenly.
Get the recipe for The Food Lab’s Southern Fried Chicken »
The Best Chicken Parmesan
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
We borrow the buttermilk brine and breading technique from our fried chicken to make chicken Parmesan, but give it a distinctly Italian-American flavor by adding Parmesan to the breading and serving the chicken with a slow-cooked red sauce, cubes of mozzarella, and more grated Parmesan. You can eat the chicken as is, but it’s even better on a party-sized sandwich.
Get the recipe for The Best Chicken Parmesan »
Traditional French Cassoulet
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Like pommes aligot, cassoulet is a French classic that proves that hearty, indulgent food doesn’t have to be junky. This super-filling stew is packed with poultry, sausage, pork, and beans—just what you need on a cold day. Cassoulet is typically made with duck, but we find that using chicken with a little duck fat gives you similar flavor for less money.
Get the recipe for Traditional French Cassoulet »
Cheesy Pastas and Casseroles
Tater Tot Casserole
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
If you’re from certain parts of the Midwest, Tater Tot hotdish probably has a special place in your heart. It’s typically made with ground beef, canned or frozen vegetables, condensed soup, and frozen tater tots. We upgrade our version by replacing the condensed soup with a mushroom béchamel, but keep the frozen tots because it’s hard to outdo Ore-Ida.
Get the recipe for Tater Tot Casserole »
The Best Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
Both creamy and satisfying and a little more sophisticated than the typical enchilada casserole, this dish is made with a simple charred poblano salsa, simmered chicken, pepper jack cheese, and Mexican crema. Even though we don’t go too heavy on the cheese, this is still a rib-sticking dish.
Get the recipe for The Best Creamy Chicken Enchiladas »
French Onion Strata
[Photograph: Emily and Matt Clifton]
The name strata sounds fancy, but at its heart it’s just a savory bread pudding. This hearty strata gets the flavors of a bowl of French onion soup from caramelized onions and grated Gruyère. To speed up the recipe we use quick-caramelized onions with a little sugar added—the flavor isn’t quite the same as slow-caramelized onions, but you can get most of the way there in significantly less time.
Get the recipe for French Onion Strata »
The Food Lab’s Ultra-Gooey Stovetop Mac and Cheese
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
This mac and cheese is better than the blue box and not much more work to make—you just need a mixture of melting cheeses, a few thickeners and binders (cornstarch, evaporated milk, and eggs), and hot sauce. It all comes together in 15 minutes, but if that sounds like too much work, then check out our three-ingredient recipe, which is even easier than boxed macaroni.
Get the recipe for The Food Lab’s Ultra-Gooey Stovetop Mac and Cheese »
Crispy Baked Pasta With Mushrooms, Sausage, and Parmesan Cream Sauce
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
This comforting baked pasta is a little more time- and labor-intensive than mac and cheese, but it still only takes about half an hour. Mushrooms sautéed in rendered sausage fat add flavor and a meaty bite, soy sauce and lemon juice make the dish super savory, and a cheesy cream sauce brings the richness. Top with a layer of breadcrumbs for a crunchy finish.
Get the recipe for Crispy Baked Pasta With Mushrooms, Sausage, and Parmesan Cream Sauce »
American Chop Suey (Macaroni, Beef, and Cheese Skillet Casserole)
[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]
This casserole has a variety of names across the country—where I grew up in Indiana we called it chili mac—but by any name it’s a delicious piece of Americana. The dish is always made with pasta, ground beef, tomato sauce, and cheese—our recipe adds green peppers, onions, and a couple tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce (a classic addition in New England).
Get the recipe for American Chop Suey (Macaroni, Beef, and Cheese Skillet Casserole) »
Baked Ziti With Two Mozzarellas and Parmesan Cream Sauce
[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
At its best, baked ziti should be rich and creamy, but all too often low-quality supermarket ricotta makes it bland and grainy. It’s a little easier than it used to be to find good ricotta, but we still get rid of it altogether and use a Parmesan cream sauce instead, plus low-moisture mozzarella mixed in with the pasta and fresh mozzarella melted on top.
Get the recipe for Baked Ziti With Two Mozzarellas and Parmesan Cream Sauce »
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