#gerard way doesn’t age | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovessidney · 6 months

Text

You're worth finding

Please note that this explicit story was written by an adult, for adults. If you are under the age of 18, please do not interact.

Trigger warning: Alcohol abuse.

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Pronouns: none, I think (anatomy: AFAB).

Requested by: @xpsidedownn

Summary: You and Gerard get into a terrible fight. They’re drinking in a worrying kind of way and all you want is to help them, but it doesn’t go down the way you want it to. You spend the evening looking for them and in the end, you make up.

A/n: This request has taken me aaaaaaaaages, and I’m so so so sorry. I’ve had the worst writers block and have been working my ass off both with uni and actual work. But it’s finally done.

Also, I'm switching up my writing. So, if you’ve read anything of mine maybe you’ve seen I’ve always written in third-person perspective. I don’t know why. However, that led to a lot of names, pronouns and (y/n)s, so I’ve decided to try first-person perspective. I hope y’all like it.

Second ”also”, I’m in no way trying to glamorise alcohol abuse, and I tried to be respectful about it. I fully understand it’s a very real disease and I’m in no way trying to portray it unfairly or disrespectfully. Still; if any of you feel like I’ve gotten something wrong or find it disrespectful, please let me know and I will do my best to alter the story or simply remove it.

Your timer beeped, letting you know it was time to start boiling pasta. The sauce to accompany it was already simmering in a pot beside the one now containing pasta. It smelled wonderful, you had to admit.

Gerard had had a very rough week, stressing a lot for tonight’s gig. In an ordinary situation, you would’ve been there to support them, as well as the rest of the band. Unfortunately, you had one hell of a cold and had spent most of the past few days in bed, accompanied by various medicines and wads of paper tissues.

Despite it all, you wanted to do something nice for Gerard. Dinner and a movie, at home edition. So you had made your way to the local supermarket, getting ingredients for their favourite pasta dish, as well as snacks and an unusually nice bottle of red wine.

When you got home, you had a shower and even dressed up just a little bit nicer than usual. And now you stood in the kitchen, just finishing up the last of the dinner preparations.

You looked toward the table. There were candles lit, a fresh bouquet of roses, and two glasses of red wine. Soft music played in the background, adding to the soft and romantic atmosphere.

You could hear a key being inserted into the lock. Or at least, it sounded like someone was trying to unlock the door. A few moments passed, and the struggle persisted. Your mind started wandering. It wasn’t the first time this happened. And as good as every time it did, Gerard was drunk beyond belief.

Your heart sank, and immediately your mood changed. You weren’t angry. Not at all. You were just worried about them. They had been drinking much more, and much more often lately. You knew something was wrong. Gerard probably knew it too, deep down somewhere. But they weren’t in a place to accept that or accept help. Not right now.

A few more moments passed by, and you decided to go let them in yourself. They almost fell inside as you opened the door. Clearly, they had been leaning against it while trying to find the right key and unlock the door.

You caught them in your arms and immediately smelled the alcohol on their breath. You wrapped your arms around them, holding them close. Even if this wasn’t what you had imagined, you were glad to have them home.

For a while, you just stood there, arms wrapped around each other. “Hi, honey,” you finally said and kissed them when you had let go of each other.

“Hi, you,” they answered, slightly swaying on the spot as you let go of them.

You tried not to let your brow furrow with concern as you looked at them. Still, they noticed. “It smells really nice. Have you been cooking?” they asked, in an attempt to cheer you up. But they were still swaying, their words were slurred, and it just broke your heart. It would’ve been one thing if they were drunk but otherwise in good spirits, but that sadness in their eyes worried you. You know that they hadn’t gotten drunk to celebrate another good gig, but rather to escape something, and it just killed you.

You smiled at them. “Thanks, Gee. Are you hungry?” you asked while lacing your fingers together. They nodded tiredly. You led them to the kitchen. It wasn’t many steps from the hallway to the kitchen, but they still almost crashed into a wall on your way there.

In the end, you decided just to sit them down on one of the chairs and serve them their food before getting your own. Before you sat down, Gerard had already emptied their glass of wine. You could feel the tears prickling behind your eyes.

“Honey, has something happened?” you asked them. Usually, they got drunk, but when they came home to you, they tried to dial it down. Not this time, though.

They looked at you with tired, empty eyes and said nothing. They just reached for the bottle and poured another glass. It was more than what you would usually pour into a glass of that kind. Especially for a somewhat romantic dinner. They lifted the glass to their lips.

“Gee, please, you have to talk to me,” you somewhat pleaded, somewhat demanded.

Gerard’s gaze flickered from the glass to you, their eyes clouded with a mixture of sadness and anger. “Talk? About what?” Their words were sharp, and their tone laced with bitterness.

“About what’s been going on, Gerard. You’ve been drinking so much lately, and I’m scared. Something’s not right, and I want to help you.”

They scoffed, their laughter tinged with bitter irony. “Oh, now you’re an expert on my life, huh? You think you know what’s best for me?”

You shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes as you struggled to make them understand. “No, Gerard, I don’t think I know what’s best for you. But I can’t just stand here and watch you destroy yourself. You’re drowning in this, and I don’t know how to help you if you won’t let me in.”

Gerard pushed themselves up from the chair, their legs scraping against the floor with an awful screech. Their face contorted with frustration and they jabbed a finger in your direction. “You think I’m the problem? You think I need to be fixed, like some broken toy?”

Your voice trembled as you tried to reason with them. “No, Gerard, you’re not a problem to be fixed. You’re a person who’s hurting, and I love you. I just want you to talk to me, to let me in. Please.”

They took a step toward you, their eyes blazing with a mix of anger and despair. “You don’t get it, do you? You can’t fix me! No one can. So stop trying!”

The weight of their words hung in the air, suffocating the room. You felt tears streaming down your face as you watched them walk out the door, leaving you alone in the dimly lit room, with the remnants of your romantic dinner and a heavy sense of helplessness hanging in the air.

The plates and the rest of the supposed-to-be romantic dinner sat on the table, untouched, a stark contrast to the emotional turmoil that had just unfolded. You knew that you couldn’t force Gerard to talk or change their ways. They had to want to change for themselves.

With a heavy heart, you got up and began cleaning up the kitchen. The candles you had lit earlier flickered softly as you extinguished them one by one. The roses in the bouquet still looked beautiful, but their presence seemed bittersweet now.

After cleaning up the kitchen, you found yourself sitting alone in the dimly lit room. Tears had streaked your cheeks, leaving trails of sadness in their wake. The bottle of wine on the table tempted you, almost like a silent, soothing friend. But you knew that indulging in it wouldn’t be right, not after what the fight had been about. So, you chose cold water to quench both your thirst and your emotions.

Sipping the water, you gazed out of the window at the dark night sky. Memories of what romantic dinners used to be flooded your mind. The laughter, the shared dreams, the way Gerard’s eyes used to light up when you surprised them with their favourite meal. You held onto those memories like a lifeline, knowing that someday, you’d find your way back to that happiness. And with that, you also knew that you had to find Gerard, wherever they had gone off to.

With determination in your heart and a sense of purpose, you headed out into the night, leaving your home behind. The city around you was bathed in the soft glow of streetlights, casting long shadows on the empty streets. The echoes of your argument with Gerard still reverberated in your mind, but you refused to let despair consume you.

You got into your car and just drove, without any plan at all, as if you hoped Gerard would just turn up. You drove through the darkened streets, memories of your time together replaying in your mind. The city held so many moments – moments of joy and love. You remembered the motel where you had stayed temporarily when you last moved, a place that despite everything held many good memories and lots of hope for the future.

Though you didn’t know why, something deep inside you told you that Gerard might be there. Maybe it was a sense of nostalgia, a longing for a time when things were simpler, a time when you were each other’s everything.

As you pulled up to the motel, you felt a surge of both anxiety and anticipation. You hesitated for a moment, your hand gripping the car’s steering wheel, before finally stepping out into the night.

The motel was just as you remembered it – a nondescript building with a neon sign flickering intermittently. You parked the car and took a deep breath, unsure of what you would find inside.

Entering the dimly lit lobby, you approached the reception desk, your heart pounding with uncertainty. The tired-looking motel clerk glanced up from a magazine, offering a weary smile. “Can I help you?”

You hesitated for a moment, then decided to ask. “Has someone named Gerard checked in here?”

The clerk raised an eyebrow, seeming uninterested at first. But then, after a moment of thought, he nodded slowly. “Yeah, there was a guy who checked in about an hour ago, they looked pretty out of it. Room 205.”

Your heart skipped a beat. It was as if a surge of hope had washed over you. You thanked the clerk and stepped outside again, looking for room 205.

Gerard was sitting outside the door of 205, a pack of beer beside them and a cigarette to their lips. They looked absolutely miserable.

As you walked closer, Gerard looked up at you. They blinked a few times, just to make sure what they were seeing was true. They fumbled for words for a moment. “How did you find me?” they said, their words slightly slurred. “I don’t know honey. Something just told me you’d be here.”

You sat down beside Gerard and leaned your head on their shoulder. They held the cigarette out for you to take a drag, and they looked at you while you did. “You’re so pretty,” they said with sad, bloodshot eyes.

“Gerard honey, so are you. You’re my darling.” You placed a soft kiss on their cheek. “I’m so sorry I got angry before honey. I just get worried about you.”

Gerard looked at you with big eyes. “I’m sorry too. I know you’re just looking out for me. I know I’m hard to love sometimes.” You carefully pushed a strand of hair from Gerard’s face. “You’re not hard to love, honey, I love you the most in the entire world. I just want you to be okay.”

You just sat there together for a moment, taking turns with the cigarette. You leaned your head on Gerard’s shoulder again, just wanting to be close.

The night air was cool against your skin as you and Gerard sat there, side by side, sharing the cigarette. Time seemed to slow down, the weight of the argument and the tension from earlier dissipating in the shared moment of calm.

Gerard’s fingers brushed against yours as they took another drag from the cigarette. Their gaze remained fixed on the distant horizon as if searching for answers in the darkness. “I don’t want to be this way, you know,” Gerard finally confessed, their voice a mixture of vulnerability and regret.

You squeezed their hand gently, offering reassurance. “I know, Gerard. It’s not easy, but you’re not alone. We’ll face it together.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of Gerard’s lips. “You always know how to make me feel better,” they whispered, their words carried away by the breeze. “That’s what I’m here for,” you replied softly, leaning your head against their shoulder once more. “We’ll get through this.”

After a while, the cigarette burned down to its last embers, and Gerard extinguished it against the pavement. They turned their head to look at you, their eyes filled with a mixture of gratitude and affection. “You’re my rock, you know?” You chuckled, a warm feeling spreading through your chest. “And you’re mine. The ups and the downs, they’re all part of who you are.”

Gerard leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, a tender affirmation of your connection. “Let’s go home,” they said softly, their hand finding yours. Together, you stood up, leaving behind the worries and strife of the evening.

Back in the car, as you drove through the quiet streets toward your apartment, a comfortable silence enveloped you. Gerard’s hand rested on your thigh, their fingers tracing absent patterns as if seeking comfort in just touching you. The city lights twinkled in the distance, a reminder that life continued beyond the challenges you faced.

When you arrived home, you led Gerard inside, the familiarity of the space providing a sense of grounding. Gerard’s band posters adorned the walls, a testament to their musical passion. You once again settled in the kitchen. Gerard looked at you with a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude. “Thank you for finding me,” they said softly. “You’re worth finding,” you replied, a gentle smile curving your lips.

“How about some tea?” you suggested. “And maybe some toast as well?” Gerard’s eyes lit up for a moment. “Are you sure? It’s late, and you probably want to sleep, and-” “Nonsense,” you said, retrieving the tea and a kettle. “Anything to help you feel better. And I’ve heard eating bread is good when you’ve had alcohol.”

You put a record on, and soon, the kettle whistled, and you poured the steaming water into cups, the soothing scent of chamomile enveloped the room. With a plate of warm toast in hand, you settled on the couch, passing Gerard a cup of tea and a slice of toast. They took a sip and let out a contented sigh.

“You really know how to make everything better,” they said with a soft smile.

“It’s a talent,” you quipped, a playful grin on your face. Gerard leaned in, their lips meeting yours in a soft kiss.

“I love you,” they murmured against your mouth.

“I love you too,” you whispered back, your heart feeling full and light.

As you both savoured the tea and sandwiches, the world outside faded into the background. At that moment, it was just you and Gerard, a testament to the strength of your bond and the willingness to weather the storms together. The scars of the evening were healing, replaced by a renewed sense of hope and the knowledge that love could conquer even the darkest of moments.

You sat together, mostly in silence, listening to the soft tunes the record player emitted. An array of candles glimmered on the table in front of you. Gerard had had almost all of their tea, while yours remained mostly untouched.

Despite having them back here with you, you still worried. You loved them so much, and all you wanted was for them to be okay. And the one thing you wanted least of all was to be angry. Sure, you knew that anger wasn’t the real emotion. The real emotion was worry, and feeling powerless, not able to protect them. And for some terrible reason that sometimes morphed into anger. The ugly, secondary emotion.

You looked over at Gerard, sitting curled up under a blanket at the opposite end of the sofa. They looked tired. Both as in that they needed to sleep, but also tired as in worn down, as in that they were having a hard time. You scooted closer and stretched your arms around them. A smile played on their lips for a moment. You allowed them to set their mug of tea down before pulling them into your arms. “Come here, honey.” They gladly fell into your arms and cuddled up there.

You sat together like that for a long time. You listened to Gerard’s breath and carefully stroked their hair. The record had come to its end, and the only sounds were now your breathing and Gerard’s yawns.

“Do you want to go to bed, darling?” you asked when you noticed the yawns becoming more frequent. They looked up at you, their eyes now tired instead of glazed over.

They nodded sleepily. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

The slurring was almost entirely gone now, and when Gerard walked to the bedroom, they didn’t stumble anymore.

“Okay, I’ll be right there, honey,” you said with a smile their way before collecting the dishes and taking them to the kitchen. After the dishes were set down, you got a glass from the cupboard and filled it almost to the brim with water before bringing it to Gerard in the bedroom.

They were already lying in bed, looking like they’d fall asleep any moment. You reached out the glass of water to Gerard. “Have some water, Gee, I think it’ll make you feel slightly better in the morning.”

They nodded and reached for the glass. A few sips later, they put the glass down on the nightstand and reached out for you. You were too tired to properly hang your clothes up and simply threw them on the chair in the corner of the bedroom. You slipped under the covers and cuddled up close to Gerard. For a moment, you just lay there, looking at each other.

You scooted closer and nuzzled your nose against Gerard’s. Carefully, Gerard reached their hand up to caress your cheek. “I love you, honey,” you whispered. A small smile played on their lips. “I love you the most in the entire world, actually. And I’ll never stop loving you. You know that, Gerard?”

Gerard nodded carefully. “I love you too. And I’m sorry about before.”

That sadness reached Gerard’s eyes again. Just as before, it shattered your heart. You didn’t even know what to say, so you just leaned in to kiss them. ”You don’t have to apologise honey. I’m just glad to have you home again.” And with that, you kissed them again.

As the weight of the evening’s events began to lift, and the warmth of reconciliation and love enveloped you both, the bedroom felt like a sanctuary. The soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminated your faces as you continued to exchange kisses.

The kisses were soft at first, a gentle exploration of each other’s lips. Your fingers traced the contours of Gerard’s face, eliciting a soft sigh of contentment from them. Their hands moved slowly, too, caressing your back and shoulders as the intimacy between you deepened.

You couldn’t help but smile between kisses, the connection between you growing stronger with each passing moment. The taste of chamomile tea lingered on Gerards lips, adding a sweet and comforting layer to your kisses. In the dim light, you gazed into Gerard’s eyes, searching for any lingering traces of sadness.

Their gaze met yours with a newfound intensity, a desire to be present in the moment, to be close, to feel cherished.

The tenderness of your kisses gradually gave way to a more passionate longing. Your breaths quickened as your mouths moved together with an urgency that mirrored the intensity of your emotions. Fingers began to trace the curves of bodies, exploring the familiar terrain of each other’s skin.

Gerard’s soft moans filled the room, a symphony of desire and affection. The layers of clothing became an obstacle, one that you both eagerly discarded, exposing the vulnerability and beauty of your bodies.

Skin against skin, your bodies entwined, the warmth of Gerard pressed against you. You savoured every sensation, every touch, every kiss. The scent of your shared perfume, the taste of Gerard on your tongue, the feeling of their soft hair under your fingertips. The slow and gentle movements, the tender caresses, the breathless sighs and soft cries of pleasure.

Gerards hands left their place on the small of your beck and found their way upwards, one cupping your breast and one around your shoulders to pull you closer. They caressed you carefully and you could feel them growing harder against you.

You ground your hips against Gerard, seeking the friction that you both craved, urging them to continue the exploration. They obliged willingly, moving downwards from your breasts to your stomach, leaving a trail of kisses and licks as they went.

Their warm breath ghosted over your body, making you shudder with anticipation. Their eyes were fixed on you, observing every twitch and moan of pleasure as their tongue made contact with your inner thigh. They were teasing you, taking their time, enjoying the moment.

Your body ached for more, desperate for their touch, but instead, they continued their leisurely exploration of your skin. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they kissed you there. You could feel yourself dripping as they slipped a finger inside you.

Gerards lips closed around your clit and they sucked softly. A strangled cry escaped your lips as they slid another finger inside you, curling it to find your most sensitive spot.

It was too much and not enough at the same time, your senses were overwhelmed by Gerard. You gripped the sheets tightly, arching your back as they continued their ministrations.

Their mouth on your clit, their fingers inside you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Your breath came in ragged gasps, your legs trembled, and your whole body tensed as the pleasure built up. Gerards lips pulled back from your clit and their tongue pressed down against it.

"Oh god, Gerard...," you gasped as they worked their fingers inside you. The slow and deep movements made you dizzy with pleasure, and you couldn't help but grind against their hand. "I want you."

Your words had an instant effect on Gerard. They looked up at you, eyes gleaming with excitement. "Tell me what you want." It was not teasing or demeaning the way they said it. You knew it just turned them on so much to hear you say it.

You could barely speak through the waves of pleasure coursing through you, but you knew exactly what you wanted. "I want you to fuck me, Gerard. I love you so much and I want you to fuck me"

They nodded, removing their hand from your body and getting onto their knees. The sight of them in this position was almost too much for you to handle. They looked down at you, gaze full of desire and affection. "I'd be happy to, darling."

Gerard positioned themselves between your legs, entering you slowly, inch by inch, filling you with pleasure. Their thrusts were deep and deliberate, making you shudder with joy every time they bottomed out inside you. You wrapped your legs around their waist, pulling them closer, urging them to continue.

You could feel the warmth of their skin against yours as they moved inside you, the sensation sending tingles down your spine. Their kisses became more urgent, their movements faster, but still maintaining their steady rhythm.

As the heat between you intensified, the sound of your moans and gasps filled the room. Gerard looked down at you, their gaze full of love and tenderness. They kissed your lips again, eliciting a moan of pleasure from you. "I love you, my sweet," they murmured, their voice hoarse with pleasure.

Your climax was building quickly, the pressure inside you rising to unbearable heights. You threw your head back and rambled their name over and over as the wave of ecstasy crashed down on you, sending shockwaves through your body. They continued to move inside you, prolonging your orgasm until you couldn't take it anymore.

"Gerard, I... oh god, I can't..." You sobbed in pleasure as your body began to tremble.

They understood your need and stopped moving, letting you ride out the waves of pleasure that still made waves in your body. Gerard stayed still until your breathing steadied and you smiled up at them. You blinked at them for a moment, just taking in their beauty.

You pulled them downwards for a soft kiss before gently rolling them onto their back. They looked up at you with a confused expression, clearly not expecting this development.

"My turn," you whispered, kissing them again. "I want to make love to you."

Your lips found their way down their neck and chest, leaving a trail of kisses in their wake. You enjoyed the taste of their skin, savouring the salty sweetness of their sweat as you moved lower. Their breaths quickened with excitement as your mouth found their nipples. You flicked your tongue over their hardening nub and they moaned softly in pleasure.

You continued your descent, trailing kisses across their stomach until you reached their cock. You glanced up at them, smiling as you pressed your mouth against the warm skin above it. The smell of their arousal was strong, and you could feel yourself becoming even wetter with anticipation of another round.

Their hips rose to meet you as you kissed them there, so soft and tender. Your hands wrapped around their cock, stroking them slowly, watching them shiver under your touch. "Oh god, that feels so good." They were beautiful like this, eyes closed, back arched, body responding to your every touch. You loved seeing them in the throes of passion, unable to contain their pleasure, giving into the sensations of your touch and tongue.

Your lips continued to move lower, kissing their inner thighs and sensitive areas that made them quiver. You took your time, enjoying the moment as you licked and sucked, exploring every inch of their skin until you reached the base of their cock.

Gerard looked down at you, gasping for breath, watching with wonder as you took them into your mouth. Your tongue was quick and deliberate, licking and sucking just the right way to make them see stars. They moaned as you took them deep inside your mouth, hollowing your cheeks and moving your head back and forth.

Their hips rose to meet you again, fingers tangling in your hair, guiding you deeper and deeper. You were happy to oblige, taking them all inside you until they gasped for air.

"Oh my god," they murmured, shivering as you continued to suck. "That feels incredible."

You hummed in agreement, the vibrations of your voice making them twitch and groan in pleasure. The sensation was delicious, and you knew it wouldn't take long before they came undone under your tongue. You loved seeing them fall apart like this, falling into your mouth and arms as you held them close.

Gerard pulled you upwards for another kiss. You moved closer, pressing your body against theirs, kissing their neck and chest as they struggled to breathe. Their skin was warm and flushed, radiating pleasure and affection. They were gorgeous like this, so needy and desperate for more.

You felt the heat rising between you again, bodies grinding together, their cock hard and aching for more. You kissed them again, pulling them into a deep and hungry kiss that left them gasping for breath before positioning yourself over them.

"Are you ready?" You whispered, gazing down at them with a gentle expression on your face.

They nodded, wrapping their arms around your waist. "Please, my love."

Their eyes fluttered closed as you lowered yourself onto their cock. You took your time, letting the feeling of fullness take over your body.

You began to move slowly, taking long deep breaths as you rose and fell, building a rhythm that soon became urgent and frantic. Their hands roamed over your skin, caressing your breasts and back. The warmth between you intensified and you both gasped for air as you continued to move, bodies sweaty and entwined.

The pressure inside you grew unbearable again, and you knew it wouldn't be long before you came undone. You looked down at Gerard, their gaze filled with wonder and lust. Their moans were beautiful, soft and desperate, their body trembled and shuddered under your touch.

"I'm so close," they murmured, throwing their head back against the pillow and urging you to move faster, chasing the orgasm that threatened to consume them. "Honey, please... I need more.”

You quickened your movements, grinding against them, making them cry out in pleasure as their cock buried inside you. They looked up at you, their eyes pleading with you for release.

"Oh god, my love...," they whimpered, climax building rapidly. You could feel it coming closer, their body on the edge of ecstasy under you. You were so close yourself, the pressure inside you rising to unbearable heights, almost too much for you to take.

"I'm with you, honey," you murmured, lips moving against theirs as you spoke.

Gerard closed their eyes and moaned softly, their body shaking and trembling under yours. Their release was beautiful, making you gasp with pleasure as you joined them in their orgasm. Your bodies were still tangled together when you opened your eyes again. You couldn't help but smile, breathless and sweaty from lovemaking.

You leaned over them, planting soft kisses all over their face, cherishing the moment, taking in the beauty of them. They wrapped their arms around you, holding you close, stroking your hair and whispering sweet words into your ear.

"Oh my love," they murmured, squeezing your hand. "I’m so lucky to have you."

Your eyes began to brim with tears, happiness bubbling up inside you. "I'm just as lucky to have you," you whispered, leaning in for a tender kiss. "I love you."

Their gaze was full of affection and tenderness, their fingers intertwined with yours. "I love you too," they whispered. "You are my world."

In the soft afterglow, Gerard cuddled up in your arms and you held them close, carefully running your fingers through their hair. The room was bathed in the gentle hues of the rising sun, casting a warm, golden light upon your entwined bodies.

You both knew this wasn’t a magical solution, and that Gerard would still have their ups and downs, it was going to be an uphill battle at times. But for now, everything felt good, and it felt like it was going to be better.

You smiled down at Gerard who had almost fallen asleep on your chest. You kissed the top of their head softly and pulled them closer. The sound of their breathing made you calm, and soon the both of you had fallen asleep.

I hate to sound like a YouTuber (no offence, lol) but thank you for reading if you made it all the way here. I hope you liked it. And don’t hesitate to send me any requests you might have. I have a lot to do right now, but I still like to hear new ideas. Okay, thanks a lot!

#My Chemical Romance fanfic #Gerard Way fanfic #Gerard Way x reader #Smut #Ssidney writes #Tw: alcohol

99 notes · View notes

wheredidhiseyebrowsgo · 1 year

Note

You recently did an ask about an angsty mpreg fic...I love the concept. Could ylu possibly recommend some more like that?🥺

AND

Anon asked: any fics where stiles is pregnant and unfortunately gave birth by himself? i love mpreg angst

Hi anon. @kevaaronday made this list!

baby of mine by suddenlyatiger (35/35 | 78,402 | Mature | Sterek) "It's not a joke," Stiles says. He looks at Derek, brown eyes wide and worried. "I need your help."

"By marrying you?" Derek asks.

"Yes," Stiles says.

My Liberation Has A Name by SilkO (12/12 | 66,380 | Mature | Sterek) Stiles is a prince under the Argent clan, the king, Gerard Argent had killed Stiles's clan years before taking Stiles as his own due to the omega being born a spark. The Argents had used Stiles's spark against the people. Killing many while using Stiles's name for the murders.

Years after Stiles was taken and imprisoned in the Argents castle Derek's clan gets massacred. Peter, filled with anger and vengeance trained Derek to go and kill Stiles, the witch of the Argent clan and avenge their family.

Derek goes and as he meets Stiles his reasoning falls, only leaving behind Derek's emotions, something he thought had died years ago.

if it’s meant to be, it’ll be by DeancebraArt & EvanesDust (4/4 | 27,560 | Explicit | Sterek)

Following a chance encounter with an irresistible and alluring omega, Derek wakes up in bed alone, with no way to contact the man he met the night before. Over the course of the next year, Derek finds himself wondering: how can he miss someone he doesn’t even know? And, more importantly, how can he find him again?

After a one-night stand with a mysterious alpha werewolf leaves Stiles pregnant, he resigns himself to raising his child as a single parent. It’s not until the man he’s been pining over for the last year shows up at his doorstep, does he realize there might actually be something more complicated than raising a child on his own: love.

Mama Please by Parkkrys (1/1 | 20,699 | Mature | Sterek) Claudia gave up hunting to marry Noah and so far no regrets. Yes, it irks her that Noah is friends with the Hales, but she had been able to put it to the side.

Now after having twins, she struggles with watching lil Stiles and Derek grow closer, and now at the age of eighteen Derek reveals that Stiles is his mate. Something in her snaps and she leaves to the Argents for help. She wasn't expecting her lil boy to be a spark though.

Now years later, she knows her baby boy is married to Derek and she is determined to set him free no matter the cause.

Make Your Own (Buns in the Oven) by nezstorm (1/1 | 11,250 | Teen | Steter) Stiles opens his mouth a few times, but no words come out as he feels tears welling up again. He takes a deep, shaky breath, exhales slowly to calm himself enough to do this.

Peter waits, brows furrowed in worry as he watches Stiles.

“I think I’m pregnant,” he finally says, “And I don’t know what to do.”

Or the one where Stiles is a human incubator and Peter is not the baby daddy (until he is).

Virgin by KiraH69 (4/4 | 10,073 | Explicit | Steter) Stiles is a virgin, unmated and pregnant omega. That doesn’t make sense. Nobody believes it and things just get harder and harder.

Newborn by Anonymous (1/1 | 4,514 | Mature | Steter) Pregnant Stiles nearly pays the ultimate price for a disastrous rideshare experience.

Aka: Stiles, pregnant with Peter's baby, gets attacked by a bad driver with a gun. Do Not Read if you don't wanna see a pregnant twink get whumped in the backseat, oh ho ho.

Spoiler note: Stiles and baby are stable and recovering. The baby registry is on the Toys 'R Us website if you want to send them love.

infinitely undefined by nezstorm (9/9 | 3,999 | Teen | Steter) Stiles misses him sometimes. In the odd moments between reality and sleep.

Or the one where Stiles and Peter make a baby, but Peter is a chicken shit.

This Wasn't Supposed to Happen by Parkkrys (1/1 | 3,996 | Gen | Sterek) Stiles didn’t hide this on purpose, there just wasn’t a good time to tell him. Doing this friends with benefits thing with an alpha werewolf maybe wasn’t the best idea but how could he ever say no to Derek?

Sure, he had feelings for the man, and this could only end in heartbreak because hey, who would be interested in a long time thing with him of all people? He knew how annoying he could be. He wasn’t even sure how his dad had put up with him all these years.

But this has gone on for far too long, the scent blocker and the bracelet that he has been wearing for the past month could only do so much from hiding his not so little secret.

A Way Out by OnTheGround2012 (1/1 | 1,587 | Teen | Stackson) After finding out that he's pregnant, Stiles goes to see Jackson to fix it but things don't go as smoothly as he hoped. This is how their encounter ends.

Mpreg!derek

Expiration Dates by KaliopeShipsIt (22/22 | 226,825 | Mature | Sterek) When 13-year old orphaned Derek Hale tests positive as a male carrier, his newly appointed guardian and uncle Peter uses his influence to make the test result go away, aware that in their deeply carrier-phobic society his nephew’s status could prove to be the downfall of the family company.

16 years later Derek is pressured into firing eight months-pregnant Danny Mahealani, creating a publicity scandal that, as the Equal Rights for Carriers movement gains more and more ground, results in an unprecedented media outrage targeted towards Hale & Argent Publishers.

A very reluctant Derek finds himself forced into defending his company’s prejudiced views on national television, facing off in heated debates against Stiles Stilinski, a guy he happened to have a one-night stand with months ago and has been pining over ever since. Stiles is a disgruntled former Hale & Argent employee, a staunch supporter of the ERC movement, he hates everything Derek stands for … and, courtesy of an expired condom, he’s also, unknowingly, the father of the child Derek wasn’t even aware he could carry in the first place.

Turning the Page by KaliopeShipsIt (26/26 | 128,387 | Mature | Sterek) After being widowed and left to raise three children on his own at the age of 21, Derek Hale-Krasikeva did not expect to ever find happiness again.

He also definitely did not expect to meet the love of the second half of his life in a grad student attending the same university as his undergrad kids.

When You’re Not Expecting by KattsEyeDemon & seekeronthepath (9/9 | 49,863 | Explicit | Sterek) Derek and Stiles weren't planning on kids yet. Stiles hadn't even known biological kids were an option. But when the unexpected happens, Derek grabs onto the chance for a larger family with both hands, and everyone else is along for the ride

Derek Hale’s Baby by KaliopeShipsIt (4/4 | 38,741 | Mature | Sterek) On the last night of his vacation in Paris, Derek has a one-night stand with a handsome stranger. When he boards his plane back home twelve hours later, Derek's cute seat neighbor Stiles almost lets a backpack fall on Derek's head and Derek has no choice but fall for him.

Ten weeks later, Derek has never been this happy, he's never been this in love - and he's never been this pregnant and with no clue who the baby daddy is.

Also, he's secretly a werewolf. No Vacancy by KaliopeShipsIt (4/4 | 34,964 | Mature | Sterek) "29-Year Old Omega (muscular/scruffy/perpetual sourface) Seeking for Alpha-Baby-Daddy. Might or might not be named Stiles"

Derek is an unusually muscular Omega with irregular heats and dumb luck.

Stiles is an unusually polite Alpha who forgets to leave his number.

Laura is a furious Alpha who wants to wear Stiles' balls on a golden chain.

Cora is a pragmatic Alpha who composes Craigslist ads.

... aka, my first A/B/O-Fic

Edit: This work is now a trilogy

The Beginning of Our Wolfy Family by modestfuckup (6/6 | 20,699 | Teen | Sterek) “Stiles, I’m pregnant.” Derek blurted out.

Stiles jaw was open, an eyebrow arched, “No, not possible. I know I may have slept through freshman health, but I know for a fact that men cannot carry babies. Nice one Der. What did Deaton say?”

or the one where Stiles and Derek find out they are having a baby.

A Day in June by KaliopeShipsIt (1/1 | 13,061 | Not Rated | Sterek) Derek is happily married, a proud papa of three children, and financially comfortable.

He's also pregnant for the fourth time and doesn't want to be.

Bump in the Night by KaliopeShipsIt (1/1 | 3,600 | Mature | Sterek) The one where Derek's pregnant belly is a lot bigger in the evenings than in the mornings and Stiles mopes because he volunteered to work the nightshift for a month and thinks their unborn daughter is trying to be the next Houdini.

#teen wolf #sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #mpreg #pregnant!stiles #anon

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mouthsfullofsharpteeth · 10 months

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Timlex in hs

Alex is deep in his mall goth scemo punk phase. He spends all his time on myspace or tumblr. Has the full ensembles carefully chosen every day in order to look like the super cool emos he follows online. He is in love with Gerard Way. Hes gangly and annoying and talks loud and often for someone who claims to want to be a mysterious loner.

Enter Tim. In and out of hospitals and psych wards for most of his educational years until finally he manages to get out homeschooling just to try and hang out with people his age and not just nurses and therapists. He is an actual mysterious loner, because no one in this small Alabama high school has ever seen him before. He wears mostly all black, always has headphones on, barely pays attention in class. The friend making plan is not going well for him.

But he thinks that the tall goth kid with raccoon stripes in his hair, a fuckton of guy liner, and painted nails is pretty cool. Tim doesn’t know his name, but maybe from outcast to outcast they could be friends?

And Alex, with all his movie-meet-cute-archetype knowledge, sees this new kid with a handsome face and an uncaring attitude, like the kind of guy whos always got a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and an infinite amount of leather jackets in his closet. And he thinks fuck, am I gay for people who aren’t just in rock bands and emo blogs?

#alex kralie #tim wright #timlex #my writing

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childlikegoblinqueen · 6 months

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SCOM Micro Writing Notes:

Once again, Hunter is stuck in the middle of a petty rivalry between his sisters.

But it’s thick with subtext.

Luz is still mad that Vee and Hunter (and Cabin 7, but mostly the latter) watched Cobra Kai without her.

Vee is upset that some of the old hags tales about Grimwalker biology might actually have merit (also they are being pushed by a toxic political candidate with a vendetta against her family)

Hunter doesn’t want to add to Willow’s stress and Darius finally has given Hunter something he had been asking about for over a decade.

Belos’ ledger about his predecessors… at least one that covers the first 100 years of them.

BIRTHING LOT “B”

II. “BENJAMIN” GROWN PHYSICALLY TO AGE 23

2 SPECIMENS PLANTED. 1 DID NOT THRIVE. 2 IDENTICAL SPECIMENS GERMINATED FROM ONE SET OF INGRIDIENTS .

I ONLY HAD NEED OF THE ONE. SO I COMMANDED THE ELDER CUT DOWN THE ONE THAT EMERGED SECOND.

LASTED: 2 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS.

#toh fanfic #the owl house #spotify #toh hunter #sweet child o mine #hunter noceda #willow x hunter #a03 fanfic #huntlow #willow park #grimwalker lore #grimwalkers #toh grimwalkers #fuck belos #grimwalker biology

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mcrredacteddeadove · 2 months

Note

this got out of hand and i am NOT sorry

thinking about mommy dearest getting a little too drunk one night and gee decides she’s acting like too much of a fucking slut for a woman her age, going out in something tight and low cut while her husband is out of town and coming home drunk only to pull out a bottle of wine from the fridge, so he offers to pour her a glass, she’s been on her feet in those heels all night it’s the least he can do to help her out, and puts a few pills in.

after she goes to bed he comes in and just has his way with her. she didn’t make it very far, still half dressed passed out of the bed, make up on and hair a mess. he’s slow at first, taking his time to really feel everything he’s desired since he knew what desire was. as he sucks on her tits he tries desperately to remember the last time he did this, but he knows it’s useless. he decides though that there will be a next time, that he’s not going to let himself forget this again.

he eats her out for a while, just to get a taste because she’s too out of it to really feel any of it, although she’s definitely wet, before he gets bored and decides it’s time to fuck her. it’s not like she’s going to find out, she didn’t notice him suck on her tits or his tongue in her so she won’t mind something, better, right? just a good dream.

he’s gentle at first. slow. dragging his cock out carefully, savoring the feeling before he gives in and just pounds into her. it’s loud, he’s loud, but no one is home, dad on some business thing and mikey at a friends, so he doesn’t care. he’s lost in himself, in her, when he hears her moan a little, and it only makes him go harder. he pulls his head back to look at her, and she’s out of it but in her mind enough that she clearly recognizes him, understands what’s going on enough to be alarmed.

“gerard? what’s happening?”

“you’re dreaming, ma”

“oh, okay”

and that seems to be enough for a bit, because she closes her eyes again and while he gets closer.

she’s panting, whining, long eyelashes fluttering against her pink cheeks.

“where’s your dad?”

“we don’t need him in this dream. don’t i make you feel good?”

“feels good, gerard”

and he can’t believe his luck, because he got to look in her eyes, hear her voice, his name, before she went back to sleep, letting him have his way with her as she dreamed

-💄

#oh my GOD.#gw #mama way #gw + mama way #tw incest #tw intox #tw noncon #💄 anon #co signed #major co signed

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localamblongus · 4 months

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A snippet of a D20 Neverafter idea I had

Ylfa had a kitten when she was very small.

A scruffy little tabby thing, with a body too small for its age and far more opinions than any cat should seem to have. And it sat on the windowsill of Ylfa and her sister’s room when it rained, and rolled about in the dirt path when the sun shone.

She was never sure what happened to it. Her mother told them it ‘moved on’ and when she was four and couldn’t imagine a world beyond their backyard, she thought maybe the cat had gone adventuring.

When she was 8 and she was told of the wolf and the woods and the horrors off the path, she thought maybe the cat had forged its own new path, where the flowers grew bright and untrodden.

Now she’s 12. And she knows that ‘moved on’ is a sugar coated way of telling little girls that their cat is dead.

And now she’s 12, and she has another cat. Except she doesn’t really have this cat, cause he’s not hers and she knows he would very much hate it if she ever said something like that aloud.

But she’s 12 and she’s friends with a tiny black cat in boots and blood, and she really really doesn’t want this one to ‘move on’.

The thing about Pib is, and it’s a thing about a lot of cats but particularly Pib, is that he will loudly complain over little things, but never once has she heard him complain over anything more complicated than wet fur and Gerard’s sword fighting stances.

And so when Pib goes very quiet, even though it’s raining hard the water in the puddles flows over the tops of his boots, and the lightning ripples shivers along his back, she suspects something is wrong.

#neverafter #dimension 20 #d20 fanfic #my fic #snippet

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actuallynotokay · 4 months

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One too many.

Warnings: Mentions if alcohol?.

Summary: You, Gee and the band go out to a club to celebrate your new job, you end up having maybe too much fun…

“…Is this okay?,”

I tug at the tight-ish fabric, turning around so they all have full view of the outfit. I receive mixed reactions, Ray and Mikey both approve, Frank is uninterested as usual and Gee…he shakes his head.

“What’s wrong with it?,” I question him and he stands up.

“Absolutely not. People will stare at you…no.” He states and I frown.

“God you don’t have to treat me like a sister!” I storm to the bathroom.

The lights and music intrude any thought passing my mind about my outfit and hair choice. I follow them into the club, my shoulders slightly tensed and my bottom lip tucked in my teeth anxiously. Gerard looks around and finds a secluded seating area for us all, grabbing my hand and leading me in. I take a deep breath and observe my surroundings, looking at Gee… his hair fallen slightly over his eyes skin glistened with a thin layer of sweat giving him a little shine.

“Drinks?.” Frank asks and everyone agrees, i shake my head.

“Oh come on, you’ve got to have fun and celebrate your new beginning!.” Ray states excitedly, smiling at me and i roll my eyes with a smile, accepting the offer fir drinks.

A couple minutes later Frank comes back with…a lot of drinks, placing them down on the small rounded table as everyone grabs them the second they’re placed down. I take a few sips of my first drink and everyone applauds, making it seem as if i have just reached the legal drinking age.

“To you, for being the best woman ever.” Frank blurts out and Gee rolls their eyes, i cheers to it anyways and finish off my drink.

Many many drinks later… the room seemed to expand with people, the lights more brighter and the music louder. I sway my hips to the beat of the music, or perhaps to the made up beat in my head as nothing feels real…A pair of hands land on my hips and I gasp, they grip harder and move me in a way that makes my stomach churn. I look back to see a random man moving me.

“Wha…What are you doing?.” My words slur together as i make an attempt to get away from the situation.

In what felt like 2 seconds, the man was ripped from me by Gerard who has a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He whisks me out of the club , the sudden movement making my stomach churn more and more until…

“Fuck.”

Everything I had drank came right back up.

Gerard’s Pov.

“Ah shit.”

I stub the cigarette on a wall before beginning to pull her her back, rubbing her back to try soothe her. She finishes detoxing herself of all she drank and comes to…maybe standing? Whatever she’s currently doing it does not look very stable. Her hands lift in the air and she says:

“Okay! lets goo!!.” She smiles and I cock a brow.

“No.” I reply bluntly.

“What?. i’m fine gee…” She tries to convince me as she wipes her mouth on a piece of a receipt from her last shopping trip, I roll my eyes and hold her upright so she doesn’t pass out or throw up…again.

“i’m taking you home, you’re not going to continue partying in the state that you’re currently trying to convince me that you’re not in….” I firmly say and light up another cig whilst i wait for the others to help.

“Ugh.” She grunts before attempting to walk back into the club, I slide my arm around her stomach and lift her off the ground disarming her.

“GERARD ARTHUR FUCKING WAY!.” She screams and tries to escape my grip.

“That’s my name sugar’,” I sit her on a bench and the rest of the group joins us, frank making fun of how she’s slumped over my lap.

“y’know i dunno why we aren’t a thing.” She murmurs and cups my face, her eyes barely open.

“What do you mean?.” Her words hit something inside of me, I daren’t try question in her current state but I couldn’t help it.

“Well, Mikey said you like me. Why aren’t we a thing.” I shoot my brother a stare who is currently hiding behind Ray.

“We’re both at different stages honey, plus you are way too pissed to be talking about this right now.”

“b..

Without finishing her sentence she passes out on my lap…

I manage to get her back to my place, putting her in my room so she can sleep off her intoxicated state. She subconsciously curls into the foetal position. I sit for a little while, running my fingers through her hair, waiting to see if she’d wake up needing me or something stupid that my mind had made up. Perhaps maybe the conversation will continue… who knows.

#gerard way #mcr gerard #mcr #my chemical fucking romance #emo boy #my chemical romance #gee way #mcr 2023 #mcr fic #mcr5 is real #foryou #fypage

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pod-together · 8 months

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Pod-Together Day 9 Reveals 2023

In the Shadows of Kings (I dream of a crown) [text, audio] (One Piece (Anime & Manga))

written by stereden, performed by Aibhilin

Summary: Buggy knows, from the very moment he meets them, that Gol D Roger will be the King of the Pirates one day, that he will reach that island at the end of the world no matter how much the world tries to stop him.

Buggy knows, from the very moment he meets them, that the King has already chosen his Heir, that Shanks with his Will and his smiles already wears his crown.

(A straw-hat doesn’t look like a crown, and yet.)

Buggy knows, from the very moment he meets them, that he will follow this King to Hell and back. Knows, from the very moment he meets them, that he will follow this Heir even further.

Five werewolf attributes and one werewolf survival strategy that Gerard and Pete discovered through empirical research on Warped Tour (Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy)

written by Trojie, performed by dapatty

Summary: a.k.a "maybe the real lycanthropy was the friends we made along the way"

Your emotions are mine (Teen Wolf (TV))

written by HadrianPeverellBlack, performed by Rambling_Company

Summary: Soulmates can feel each other emotions.

Death with Dignity [text, audio] (Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager)

written by Thebiwife, performed by SweetPollyOliver

Summary: Having lost her father at a young age, Deanna Troi struggles to make sense of many things; her feelings, her abilities (or lack thereof), and how to cope with that void in her life.

Our Energy Signature Means Skullduggery (Our Flag Means Death (TV))

written by secretsofluftnarp, edited by pandamug and tipsy

Summary: UFO enthusiast and Star Trek fan Stede Bonnet unintentionally travels into the future, and ends up aboard the space pirate vessel Kuinian's Revenge.

Just Zelda, Just Link (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom)

written by Zartophski, performed by horchata

Summary: Before the Upheaval, Zelda hides a small gift for Link and never tells him where to look.

After the Upheaval, Link finds it anyway.

question and answer (その着せ替え人形は恋をする | Sono Bisque Doll wa Koi wo Suru | My Dress-Up Darling (Anime))

created by alstroemeria_thoughts and asthewavesdo

Summary: Gojou makes it onto reddit, and uses it to ask questions for Marin.

rational and level-headed (Dimension 20 (Web Series))

written by travvymybeloved, performed by Poluche

Summary: Cody was well-known for his normal and grounded reactions to things. He told himself that frequently. He was good at handling things with grace and poise and wasn’t notorious at all for blowing his shit at the slightest provocation. That was why he was handling being faced with the realization of a lifetime in a rational and level-headed manner.

“You’re sitting in your bathtub and eating an ice cream sandwich because you’re sad but don’t have a tub of ice cream?”

“I mean, yeah.”

Playing for Keeps (Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types)

written by LenaLawlipop, performed by Chantress

Summary: "Wait, you know her?" Eskel asked, finally. The woman in question walked up to the door to see what the commotion was about. Geralt couldn't help but grin at the shock on her face, and he tried to hide it behind his hand, but the moment she caught sight of him as well, she burst into delighted giggles and he couldn't hold back a snort himself. Eskel whirled around to look at him. "Wait, you know her too?"

"I was about to tell you when you made a detour for this street, but then we heard Lambert, and..." He shrugged, unable to contain his amusement. "I believe we might know the same person in this town."

"Wait, you two know her?!" Lambert cried. "What are you even doing here?!"

In which three Wolves share an unexpected Midsummer celebration with a young woman of their mutual acquaintance.

something new (Welcome to Night Vale)

written by Koschei_B, performed by roseszain

Summary: Fun with holidays and a few moments of contentment

Stones of the Body: Reunion (rose quartz) (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

created by BardicRaven and RisalSoran

#podfic #fanfic #one piece #bandom #my chemical romance #fall out boy #teen wolf #star trek the next generation #star trek voyager #star trek #our flag means death #legend of zelda breath of the wild #legend of zelda tears of the kingdom #my dress up darling #sono bisque doll wa koi wo suru #dimension 20 #the witcher #welcome to night vale intro segments #star trek deep space nine

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ollieofthebeholder · 8 months

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to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest): a TMA fanfic

<< Beginning < Prev. || AO3 || My Website

Chapter 48: September 2008

The first Saturday in September is always a busy one for places like this, but Gerard has never minded. It means he’s less likely to be remembered.

Luckily, too, this being in the area of a university just over a week before start of term, he blends in neatly. He’s twenty-two, and even if he can pass for older if he needs to and always has been able to, he can pass for a uni student, too, or at least a graduate student. Being in Melanie’s company helps with that, too, especially since most of these kids are her classmates; Martin, too, fits right in, which is probably why Gerard can’t spot him right now. He’s not particularly worried. There’s been no whisper of anything regarding the Fourteen for ages, and certainly no hint of anything here.

“I’m glad you two could come up with me,” Melanie says, bumping her hip against Gerard’s. “Even just for a couple of days.”

“Hey, I owed Martin a birthday present. Someone to look in on Uncle Roger and Aunt Lily so he could have the weekend off was the least I could do.” Gerard winks, making Melanie laugh.

Melanie’s university is only about two hours from London by rail, but for various reasons, this is the first time Gerard and Martin have ever both been able to get up there at the same time. Gerard put in the effort because it’s important they both be here for this. This year, Melanie’s not living in a dorm hall, but in a flat nearby the campus that rents cheaply to students. It’s small, run-down, and not particularly safe, in Gerard’s opinion, but it’s something she doesn’t have to share and she can afford it for the fall term, at least. The flat came furnished, sort of—a sagging futon, a rickety table with two wobbly chairs, a cheap lamp with no shade—and Martin and Gerard came along to help her move in. They’re here to pick up a few things she needs to make it at least a bit more comfortable.

At least, that was the plan when they arrived. Melanie and Martin both have a gift for picking up good quality items relatively inexpensively, and she’s now holding a basket with several towels, a few dishes, a kettle in remarkably good shape, and a few other bits and bobs. Gerard wore the lampshade she found as a gaudy hat—briefly—but he’s currently carrying it, along with the galvanized metal bucket that was probably once for milk but which Melanie intends to use as a rubbish pail. The two of them have only just reconvened and are strolling more or less aimlessly, exclaiming over the displays at the booths and keeping an eye out for Martin. One part farmer’s market, one part swap meet, one part carnival, the attitude is upbeat and joyous, and in spite of the couple of people circulating with armfuls of pamphlets trying to recruit for their church or cult or whatever it is, Gerard is enjoying himself.

He stops to examine a table bristling with flower arrangements, which look like the last of the summer blooms. “Want a bouquet to brighten up the place, Neens?”

Melanie starts to shake her head, then stops and reaches out to touch one lightly. “Oh, look, lavender!”

“It’s potted,” the stall owner says eagerly. “Not cut. You’ll have it all winter and beyond if you treat it well.”

Gerard doesn’t even think about it. “How much?”

He’s just completing the transaction when Melanie waves at something behind him. Gerard turns to see Martin making his way towards them, the area rug Melanie picked out earlier over one shoulder and something gripped tightly in his other hand. His lips are set in a thin line, but he manages a smile when he reaches them. “Hey. Sorry.”

“You’re fine.” Gerard shifts the lampshade to his other hand and takes the potted lavender. “Where to now, Neenie?”

Melanie peers up at Martin. He can’t quite read her face. “Actually, I’m okay to just go home. I think I’m done here.”

Gerard is a bit surprised, but he acquiesces easily enough. He’s even more surprised when they walk the entire way back to Melanie’s new flat in silence.

As soon as they’re all inside with the door closed—it’s tiny, there’s barely enough room for all three of them at once, but there’s enough space for what Melanie will need—Melanie whirls on Martin. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“It’s not—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you leave early. It’s not…an emergency or anything.” Martin doesn’t look at her, though. “Where do you want this?”

“Just drop it. I’ll set it out in a minute. Martin, what. Is. Wrong?” Melanie asks emphatically.

“Martin?” Gerard touches his brother’s arm gently. If Martin’s saying it’s not an emergency, it doesn’t mean it’s not serious—it just means that whatever it is isn’t immediately resulting in one of the Fourteen coming after them. It could mean he overheard an unkind remark or saw someone he didn’t care for, or it could mean someone made an improper advance or actively hurt him. It could mean the caregiver Gerard hired for the weekend had called to say something had gone wrong, or it could mean that Gerard’s mother had called to say something nasty or order them back—she’s been in a twist lately. It could also mean something is actively after or just hurt Martin specifically and he doesn’t think it’s an emergency because it’s not after the others.

Martin takes a deep breath and sets the carpet down, but not the object in his other hand, which is wrapped in brown paper. He looks up at them. “I found a Leitner.”

Two bright red spots have appeared on his cheeks, and Gerard inhales sharply. He’s not blushing. Martin blushes from the shoulders up, something they discovered the first summer they were all at the seaside together after the onset of puberty and someone whistled at him when he took his shirt off. For the red to start on his face…Martin is angry.

“What is it? Who had it? What did they do?” Gerard fires off questions rapidly without really thinking about it.

“Did they hurt you?” Melanie balls her hands up into fists.

Gerard lets the pail slip off his arm with a clang and sets the potted lavender down with perhaps unnecessary force. “How much did it cost you? I’ll make sure Mum pays you back—”

“It was fifty pence, don’t worry about it. That’s not…” Martin presses his lips together tightly and closes his eyes for a moment, seeming to force himself to calm down. “It’s…it wasn’t the guy selling it. He didn’t even seem to realize he had it, didn’t know where he got it.”

“That sounds familiar.” Gerard takes a deep breath, making himself calm down. “Is it one that…you know, we’ve already run into previously?”

“No. It’s the Web. That’s…that’s not the problem either.”

“Martin.” Melanie pushes him lightly to make him sit on the futon, then sits next to him and gestures for Gerard to join them. Usually she’s in the middle, but she’s arranged things so Martin is in the middle this time, which is probably helpful. “Just spit it out, huh? Unless you read it, in which case I’m going to scoop your eyes out with a grapefruit spoon, it can’t be that bad.”

Martin doesn’t even smile. He spreads his hands over the package on his lap, which he still hasn’t unwrapped. They’re trembling faintly, and Gerard is worried. Before he can prod into it, Martin spits out in a voice so laden with disgust the words are practically physically present, “It’s a fucking picture book.”

“What?” Gerard grabs the parcel from Martin, who doesn’t really try to resist him, and yanks off the wrapping paper. It’s a square black book; judging by the location of the spine, he’s looking at the back of it. There are no words, only a crudely-sketched drawing of a spider, entirely black and white save the red bowler hat on the top of its head. “Jesus fuck.”

“How old is it?” Melanie takes it from Gerard, or at least partially, dragging it back onto Martin’s lap, then flips it over and flips it open before Gerard even has time to register the title. Opposite Jurgen Leitner’s familiar bookplate is a title page with the book’s name, the author’s name, and a copyright date. “1933. Shit, that’s…what, three generations? Four?”

“If it was all in one family. Which it wasn’t, if Jurgen fucking Leitner had it.” Gerard scowls. “And it’s been floating around for at least a decade. What kind of sick bastard would inflict these things on a child?”

“I mean…Lily. Aunt Mary. A whole fucking lot of people,” Melanie points out. “People are fucking assholes. And cults, like, bring kids in all the time, right? Think about the Lukases, or the…Fairchilds, right?”

“Fairchild’s just a name. They’re not actually a family,” Gerard says. “Closer to a cult.”

Melanie wipes her free hand over her face. “I just…they’ve all been nonfiction up ‘til now, haven’t they? Scholarly stuff. I didn’t…I didn’t know it could be fiction.”

“They can be anything,” Gerard says. “It’s not the book, it’s…it’s whatever the entities think will draw people in. Or whatever the people who serve that entity thought would draw people in, I guess. I dunno how it works really.”

“I hate this,” Martin bursts out, shoving his hands into his hair and gripping so tightly Gerard almost wonders if he’s going to rip it clean out of his scalp. “I hate that these books exist. I hate that the Fourteen or their agents or whatever have figured out the perfect way to lure people in and that it’s going to be different for different people. I hate that so many of these books are rare or unusual editions of books that do exist to the wider world so people wind up falling into them completely innocently because they can’t afford a new copy of a book they need for a course or think they’ve found a cheap edition of a book they loved in childhood. I hate that for every person deliberately pushing them on some unsuspecting sucker, there are three more who have no idea what they’ve got just trying to make a quick profit, and all of them are equally culpable in whatever happens next. I hate that there are people like your mum and Leitner who know what kind of powers these books have and just believe they’re stronger than them. I hate that books like these don’t end up staying in the family because so few people survive reading them and the ones that do aren’t interested in sharing. I hate that we’ve spent the last decade running around collecting these like we don’t know what they are, and I hate, I fucking hate that I can’t think of what to do with this goddamned book other than bring it to your mum and pray she doesn’t put it up for sale, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if this falls into another child’s hands now that I know it exists.”

Gerard sits in stunned silence for a minute. He doesn’t know why it’s never occurred to him that Martin is so…viscerally opposed to the existence of these books of power. He’s always seemed perfectly willing to go along with the hunt for them, handed them over with a hopeful look in his eyes even if he hasn’t been praised for it since that first time. Gerard resents them, maybe a little, because his mother loves them more than she loves him—not that he needs her to love him, he’s got Martin and Melanie for that—but to his shame, he’s never thought about the impact of the books themselves. It’s never occurred to him that his mother doesn’t keep the books for herself, not usually; she pores over them, gets the information she wants, and then offers them up for sale. He’s just never thought about it before. And Martin’s right, this one especially is the worst possible kind of book to fall in the wrong hands—which would probably be any hands, but especially the tiny ones it’s designed for.

How many children has it claimed? How many young parents trying to find something new for their babies? How many grandparents preparing to welcome the joy of their old age? Have teachers read it to classrooms, baby-sitters read it to charges, older siblings read it to younger ones? The thought comes to Gerard that if he’d known Martin and Melanie all their lives, truly all their lives instead of just it seeming like it, if he’d at age six and proud of his having learned his letters found this book and sat somewhere with Martin and Melanie cuddled up on either side to read it to them, he might have doomed all three of them—or worse, just doomed the two of them and had to live with knowing he sacrificed his much-loved brother and sister to a dark force he didn’t understand. Would it have been worse if he hadn’t liked them, if he’d had the guilt of having wished they’d go away but not really meant it and then been the one to cause it?

It’s terrifying. And nauseating. Gerard puts a hand over his mouth while he struggles to come up with an answer.

Because there isn’t one, not really. Martin’s right. He can’t just keep the book, because sooner or later he’ll be tempted to read it or someone else will. If he gives it to Gerard’s mother, it won’t garner high praise and it won’t help matters. Even if she doesn’t put it up for sale, she’ll donate it to some charity shop in London, or worse, give it to a child directly, just to see what happens. And there’s not really much else they can do.

Or is there?

“Would it hurt us if we ripped all the pages out, do you think?” Melanie asks. “Just turn it into confetti? Shred it into tiny pieces and drop it all in the rubbish bin?”

“I wouldn’t put it past the Web to have printed this on something you can’t just tear,” Gerard says. “And then there’s the cover. It’s cardboard, sure, but…I don’t think even Martin’s strong enough to rip it up.” He pauses, then reaches into his inner coat pocket and pulls out the brass lighter with the eye design on it Melanie gave him for his twenty-first birthday. “But I do have this.”

“That—” Martin begins, then stops. Slowly, his hands unclench from his hair, and a smile begins to spread across his face. “That could work.”

Melanie leans over. It takes her a couple tries, and why she doesn’t just get up Gerard isn’t sure, but she manages to snag the old milk pail she picked up at the market and holds it out to Martin. “Here. Burn it in this. That way it’s controlled.”

Gerard hands the lighter to Martin as well. “You found the book. You do the honors.”

Martin takes it, opens it, and flicks the wheel twice before thumbing it to catch. The flame burns hot and steady, and he touches it to the corner of the book.

In a way that would be shocking if Gerard thought this was a regular book, it catches instantly and burns like tissue paper—or like cobwebs. Martin quickly drops the small fireball into the pail, and all three of them stare into the depths as they watch it burn to ashes.

Gerard is surprised at how good it feels.

It’s probably less than a second before it goes from flame to embers to smoke. Martin shakes the pail a couple of times, then seems satisfied the fire has gone out completely. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, and when he speaks, it’s quiet. “I’ll wash this out for you in a minute, Neens.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Melanie takes it from him and bangs it against the floor, then turns and hugs him fiercely. “Why the fuck didn’t we think of doing that years ago?”

“Because we were stupid kids who still thought Mum would love us if we ever managed to do something exactly right?”

“I hate that you aren’t wrong about that,” Gerard admits. He hugs Martin, too, and reaches over to hug Melanie; Martin hugs them both, and it’s a bit awkward but it feels right. They sit like that for a long time.

Finally, Gerard pulls back. “So. When Melanie comes home at half-term we’re setting Pinhole Books on fire, right?”

Martin actually laughs. He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hand. “I don’t think it’s going to be that easy, unfortunately.”

“We can dream.” Melanie smirks at Gerard. “And since you’re not busy, you can spend the time figuring out the right approach. How to do it without your mum finding out, how to make sure we don’t make things worse if there’s a Desolation book in there, if Desolation books will actually burn—”

“They’re not all fire, you know,” Gerard points out.

“—and how to make sure we don’t accidentally burn down the whole block,” Melanie continues relentlessly. “It’s not a total solution, but it’s a start, right?”

“It’s worth a try.” Martin takes a deep, slow breath, then opens his eyes and offers them a genuine smile. “Thank you. Both of you. I was afraid…I don’t know what I was afraid of.”

“We’re never going to prioritize knowledge over you,” Gerard says. “Or Leitners. Or Mum and Aunt Lily, or anyone else. And keeping the world safe…it’s a good goal. Melanie’s right, we should have thought of this years ago. But now that we have, we can do something about it.”

“Exactly.” Melanie picks up the pail and gets to her feet. “Let me go rinse this out, and then you two can help me make this place look like somewhere I can actually live in. And when we’ve done that, let’s go out for ice cream or something. I don’t feel like eating a full meal tonight.”

“Ice cream sounds good,” Martin says. He heaves himself off the futon as well. “Now then. For the second time, where do you want that rug?”

He seems almost like himself. Almost. But Gerard watches him closely for the rest of the evening, and he can tell Martin’s still upset about the picture book.

Gerard can’t blame him.

#ollie writes fanfic #to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest)#tma fanfic #tma #gerard keay #martin blackwood #melanie king #fire mention #mention of cults #implied/referenced death of a child

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