Alright, follow-up post to the "ooooo serious post" I made earlier. You can tell I wasn't really feeling too well when I made it appear ten times more serious than it really is. My apologies, I was overthinking things again.

But my point stands, it is more serious than more things and I need to step my foot down and listen to my needs. (And all the other things around me. Oh, here's a quick sorry again if this is written way worse than my previous post, I woke up a while ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I went to sleep.)

What I want to talk about first is the name for the AU, being "Cingesnax". I haven't chosen the name myself, it popped up suddenly and people began using it/recognizing the AU as such and so I began tagging my reblogs and posts using the name. However to myself I still just call it "Shadow Filbo AU"

I'm not naming names, and you probably know who I am talking about but for a while there was an user who felt quite hurt by the use of "Cringe" in the name. I don't really like the name either, but I don't mind it as much.

I hammer it in often, which I am sure everyone knows and respects but - this AU is NOT meant for any harassment or making fun out of things. It's purely lighthearted fun and shitposting. It's tributing those things. To me these characters are based on me and my childhood which I poke fun at.

I can see why someone would feel hurt or targeted by the use of the word cringe around these things, considering how it's been used/overused to harm people.

I feel like I had to address this because I do not want to feel like anyone is targeted because of my creation. There won't always be people who like it, yes - but as the creator I feel liek I need to take some respolsibility here. And seeing people ahrmed is the last thing I want, really.

(The person does understand now though, they've replied to me and they're fine, so that's good, but I wonder if there's people who feel upset and haven't spoken up. I mean, that's their thing, they can just block the tag, which is why I overtag my things wich character names and such if you just don't want to see them for any reasons, especially triggers.)

I am still overthinking this and making this more serious, sure. And I KNOW not everyone will read and agree to this, but a simple solution to stop people from coming to conclusions would be figuring out a new name, or just me hammering it in even more as the og creator of this whole thing that it is lighthearted fun.

(Hell, a lot of the things being "made fun of" in this AU I genuinely like or are still a part of. Like Furry Gramble - I am a furry myself, and as I've said many times before he is heavily based on me when I was a younger, way more edgy furry kid.)

But that isn't the main and only reason why I am here and I am just overexplaining myself and making things appear way worse than they are. It's just me overthinking, really - but I still feel like letting everyone know and be responsible is important. Just a lil' reminder, a bop on the head if you will. Nothing too bad, but I fear nobody will read it if I'm not serious in the slightest.

Anyways, onto the other thing, being how this affected me as a peson. I absolutely LOVE seeing everyone's involvement and creations! I'm so very glad my creation brings joy to so many people, not only me and my friends. That it brings us together to just have fun, bond, and create. As said to me before, the fandom hasn't had anything like this before so I believe Shadow Filbo is important in that regard.

I'm still just a person and I want to talk about my work and interests to other people. Like people, you know. But I've also made it as an effort as a creator of a thing to respond to all the fanart I get, and just help people's work get out there. Same with OCs and all other creations within the AU. It all deserves to be seen, you're a great artist. And it makes me really happy to see people happy themselves when I respond to their work.

And even if the amount of stuff I've been getting daily has slowed down, it's still quite overwhelming to me sometimes. It feels like a chore sometimes and I don't wanna force a "YOOO ADSJDFEWRGREWGBRSTH" reaction onto everything because it's not always so genuine. I love seeing all the work but I won't have the excitement if reblogging it and putting in all the tags feels like a chore to me.

I want all this to be genuine and I've been feeling drained. It's absolutely amazing and I am glad that I had the chance and luck to have my work well-knowna nd noticed within a small community to be recognized even by the CREATORS of the thing I am hyperfixating on. But at the same time I feel responsible for a lot of stuff, and the effort I've made to be interactive is quite draining, as I've stated before.

It's taking a bit of a toll on me, and getting more stuff to respond to is like - dishes in the sink piling up into a bigger pile. I genuinely love all of this, but I'm just tired. I need a little break from responding to all of this... Just all the attention and stuff is making me socially exhausted. Definitely the fact I'm a massive introvert and my ADHD kicking in veery nicely. /s

I'm probably going to only reblog stuff involving my characters for the AU and Shadow Filbo himself - and any discussion in regards to the AU. Not someone else's art and OCs for the AU. There's a lot of it. Anyways, I'm starting to lag a little bit with how long this is getting. Yes, my computer is just that weak.

I'm already loosing track of what I've said but, yeah.

This AU has been great, I love it. I love you guys. I am happy for all the cool new people I've met, even if we aren't exactly friends. It's taken a bit of a toll on me and I'll do my best to take care of myself and just - not let it take effect on me. And I hope we can keep this place as accepting and inviting as it can be. Even if it takes changing the name etc. Though i know I cannot change individual folk's opinions.

Yeah, this is realy long now and I am getting double thoughts on this - and I have a test in 20 minutes so I am not sure how active I can be with this, but I doubt I'll be getting many responses yet considering it's 3 or so AM in the US. (9:50 AM here)

Cya guys, take care too. I'll upload a doodle I did yesterday as a little comfort thing after this :)

I hope I can get back onto working on OCs too, and just kinda sit down without artblock or executive dysfunction. Buh-bye now

(Also, sorry this is written in weird blocks/paragraphs, I'm doing this so it's easy on *my* eyes.)

after seeing dumpywoof’s post I was inspired to do a tier list of my own!!! and boy howdy do I have some hot takes of the century it turns out,,,

the seasons are more or less organized in descending order within the same row as well (e.g. MC 4 > MC 5). also, shamefully copying dumpywoof & putting a detailed & overly verbose explanation for each season:

S Tier

Terraria 3: For me, absolutely nothing compares to Terraria 3. No other season combines such perfect participant dynamics with such heart-wrenching drama—not to mention the existence of Team New Kids who make me cry on a daily basis, or the incredible fake twist ending. It would be a sin to put this season anywhere but alone at the very top. Also props for being the only (1 of 2) post-show that actually includes all of the cast.

 A Tier

Minecraft 4: This is the best season for shenanigans alone, hands-down. It’s largely just the participants shooting the shit together, especially in the latter half of the season when it gets down to just the four of them. & I have a huge soft spot for men being wholesomely foolish together I suppose, so here it goes fhdhfhd.

Minecraft 5: To be honest, I have not seen this season since it released, which is a crime, I know, I’m sorry :orb: But I remember it being very very good, & I cannot imagine my taste will have changed that dramatically in just a few years, so. in truth, this one might be actually better than MC 4, but as I have not seen it in many years I can’t say that for certain. Either way, though, it’s definitely one of the best seasons out there.

MineZ 1: To me, MineZ 1 is the reverse of MC 4: low on shenanigans & high on drama. It’s pre-Todd era, but the editing in this one is honestly Todd-level, I would say. It’s so incredibly tense, especially the scene with McJones & PBG trying to escape the caves, and I feel like the sheer stress of it all brought out a new side of a lot of the participants, most notably Dean—who sounded genuinely agonized at times. A very very quality season all around, IMO.

Terraria 2: This season probably objectively deserves to be B tier, but I am it giving A tier for personal bias. I just,,, love the dynamics okay. Jeff & McJones especially made for a killer duo. It was a rare instance of McJones being the funny man himself rather than being the straight man to someone else’s funny man; he was super uncharacteristically goofy & almost borderline flirtatious at times, it really made for some good moments fhdhfjd. Plus then you got McJones solo commentary at the end which I greatly enjoyed. Just,, a very enjoyable season, very mid-HC era, very light & easy to watch, all that good stuff.

Diablo II: Man,,,,this absolutely 100% does not deserve A tier, I know, I’m sorry, but I just can’t bring myself to put it lower. I have A tier love for it :orb: Admittedly, the game is horrendously ugly and confusing to watch, but the shenanigans + the cast dynamics win me over in the end. Paul especially was great in this, & I hope he makes a return someday. Loving fathers Paul & Jirard with their sorceress son McJones making their way through the end-game just cannot be beaten. (Anti-shoutouts to Ross though, I don’t know anything about him, I am sure he is a lovely man, but GOD. WHY DID HE KEEP RUNNING OFF ON HIS OWN & GETTING LOST BUT THEN FORCEFULLY REFUSING HELP,,, ROSS YOU ARE THE WORST DHDHFJDJD)

 B Tier

Minecraft 7: Boy,,, this is going to be a controversial take fhhfjdjf. I just don’t know how to explain it, but something about MC7 felt,,,, Very off. I don’t know what it was, just something about the season seemed very,,, almost like you could tell things were falling apart behind the scenes, & they were trying to pull it back together but weren’t quite succeeding. It’s not a bad season in any regards, of course, I just,, don’t enjoy it nearly as much as a lot of others,, it’s missing that crucial spark of life in my opinion,, also Dean leaving to go to work was kind of strange,, I get it, it’s probably difficult to work around his real-life job,, but it felt strange,, he got like temporary immunity. Nothing like that had ever happened before I don’t think. And also they never even explained why Dean wasn’t there for like three episodes fjdjfjhd,,

Minecraft 3: God I feel like I just keep digging myself into a deeper & deeper hole here fhsjfjd,,, but man, I did like MC3 to be honest. It wasn’t the best season, it kind of went nowhere, but I liked the cast & there was a lot of good funnymoments. Smooth & Shane were very good guests who I feel like really rounded out the season, & Jontron did not come off as terribly overbearing as I believe that he has in other seasons. Overall, pretty decent, I’d say.

 C Tier

Minecraft 2: MC 2 & MC 3 are very similar, but I think MC 2 is slightly worse, both in terms of entertainment & cast. NCS & Kyrak did not hit like Smooth & Shane did,,, and I feel like just everything that happened in this one was fairly forgettable. I was torn as to whether this should be a B or a C, but I put it here in the end just to drive home that I really don’t like it as much as MC 3, I don’t believe.

Minecraft 6: Oh lord, this is a nuclear take fhdjfjd. Again, this isn’t a bad season at all, it has its good moments, especially Chad & Dodger, they are angels & I love them & want them back. But boy,,, just. Many things went wrong here. None of the twists panned out like,, at all, which I know isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault, the concept of this twist & of twists in general is very good. But it fell so flat here, especially with the revival. There was,, no debate at all about what to do. They hyped it up like they had this big decision to make, but then nobody made any effort to dramatize it at all. It was basically just Dean deciding by himself and everyone just sitting back & letting him. For the record, I have no qualms with the fact that Dodger was revived, I fully agree that she deserved it over McJones, but it was not played well at all IMO,,,      I do have to admit, though, with a fair amount of sheepishness, that the thing that most sullies this season for me is McJones’s death. Just,,, his horrible, so so avoidable, insanely early death, coupled with his retirement shortly thereafter & him becoming so jaded with hc that he expressed borderline hostility & hatred towards it just,,, hurts. I kinda don’t wanna see the events of MC 6 now knowing the aftermath. I understand fully that this particular point is not something most people care about to say the least dhfhdjd, but,,, in all honesty, I really don’t have any desire to rewatch this one, as objectively good as it might be. It was a win but it felt like a loss, if that makes sense. Also the post-show lacked all three people I actually wanted to hear from fhdjfjd neither the two people who could’ve been revived nor the actual person who did the reviving were there to share their insight & perspectives on it :pensive: 

 D Tier

Starbound: man,,, starbound. This is a very mixed bag for me. On one hand, I disagree with people who say that it was boring or that nothing happened, I found it very tense, Todd’s editing had me on edge throughout every episode. But on the other hand,,, man. Very few memorable moments, what even happened in this one,, also I feel like the game mechanics/plot weren’t explained very well, I feel like I remember being vaguely confused all the time as to what was happening. Probably will not ever rewatch either.

 Have Not Seen

DayZ: I will not ever be watching this season both because I do not know anything about DayZ & because from what I’ve heard it was an absolute disaster, I’m just not interested in getting involved in that fhdhfjdk

Terraria 1: There’s not really a reason I haven’t watched this one. Just,, I haven’t made my way down to the earliest seasons yet. Although as mentioned before, I have seen a few clips of this season, & Jontron seems to be pretty obnoxious in this one, so I don’t how much I’ll enjoy the parts with him in it, but I definitely do want to watch it someday.

Minecraft 1: The same as Terraria 1, I just happen to not have seen this one by chance. But unlike T1, I am much more looking forward to actually watching it, it seems really good, I want to experience that legendary very first season at last dhdhfjd

MineZ 2: Man,,, many things about the behind-the-scenes of this season make me sort of uncomfortable honestly. Just,,, the visceral second-hand shame & embarrassment of someone in the hc fandom being so rude & bothersome to the cast,, somehow it makes me feel personally responsible even though I didn’t do anything fhdjfj,,, Also,, once again continuing with the trend of me being saddened by McJones expressing dislike for seasons fhdjfjd,, I do recall him saying, regarding this season, something like “I think it would’ve been better if we just never did this,” which,,, ow. That doesn’t make me particularly enthused to watch it fhdjfjd. I probably will end up watching this season someday to be honest, but I’m not looking forward to feeling the cast’s frustration & unhappiness with the situation,, (EDIT: I want to be clear that there is no actual drama surrounding minez 2!!! it is a perfectly fine season, there is nothing wrong with it, it just happens that I personally am bothered by the fact that there was a lot of like,,, frustration coming from the participants regarding the player who was stalking them. this in no way means that minez 2 is an objectively bad or problematic season!! if minez 2 is your favorite season I completely respect you, there is nothing wrong with that!! there is a lot to like about the season as a whole!!! I just personally care too much about mcjones having a bad time in seasons bc it’s what ultimately led to his retirement, & that makes me sad fjdhfjdjd. but it has come to my attention that my wording made it sound like there was drama about minez 2, which there never actually was, I am very very sorry for my unintentional yet poor choice of words.)

M O M

Day 5 - Mary finds out, eventually. 

Warnings - Hurt/Comfort, the boys are dropping hints, Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Berry!AU

‘Those two have certainly become closer than the last time I’ve seen them.’ The alternate universe Bobby points out, and Mary almost chokes on her coffee. 

  ‘What?’

  ‘I mean, look at them, they almost look like a married couple.’ He inclines his head towards the brothers direction. The older Winchester has his arm around his brother, leaning his head against him while he’s feeding himself breakfast, and Sam happily points out something on the computer. 

  ‘You’re not implying that there…’ She starts, looking at her son’s carefullying. 

  ‘Nah, maybe not. They’re closer than regular siblings.’ Bobby says quickly. If he knows something, he doesn’t say anything about it. ‘They’ve only ever had each other for their whole life. To lean on, to cry, to spend time with -- I’m pretty sure they’ve been each other prom date.’

  Mary watches them closely for a bit longer, then sighs. They’ve really ever only had each other. ‘Guess your right.’ 

  🌻

  ‘I’m happy for my dad’s. Aren’t you?’ Jack suddenly says one day, while looking at flowers and Mary’s trying to find some summer decor to spruce up the bunker a bit. 

  ‘Well, yes. They’ve taken good care of you.’ The hunter smiles at the nephilim. ‘The three of them really do love you.’

  Jack pauses his thoughts for a moment, waving to a random passerby before looking back at the flowers. He doesn’t know which ones to pick, so he grabs whatever he can seem to get his hands on and gives a lopsided grin at Mary. 

  She laughs, rolls her eyes and pays for all of the flowers. They stroll through the small Texas town, looking at whatever seems to be displayed in the windows. 

  ‘They can be so loud sometimes.’ Jack starts again. 

  ‘They’re known to have loud voices and the arguments between them can get pretty heated. I mean, have you seen them when they’re watching Disney movies? For men killing monsters on the daily they sure have childlike mindsets. But that's a good thing.’ The thought of it gives her happiness. 

  ‘Huh? No, not that! When they’re busy making out with each other!’ He says, and Mary mind immediately goes back to the conversation she had with Bobby. ‘They can be really loud!’

‘You mean…’ How can she phrase this for a innocent kid? ‘Sexual actions with each other?’

  ‘Yeah! And when the bed starts slamming into the wall it becomes really, really hard to fall asleep afterwards.’ Jack’s watching her carefully, and the hunter gets this feeling she's being watched. 

  She is. Jack eyes are unsettling, and his smile is almost believable. Almost as if was an interrogation.

  ‘Wait, just clear it up for me -- which dads are you talking about?’

  ‘Oh, uh --’ The nephilim was thrown off by that question. ‘Dean and Castiel! Because of the whole handprint thing between them? And they’re totally in love and having sex! Yeah! That!’

  ‘Jack, answer me honestly, are you lying to--’ 

  ‘Is that cotton candy!’ He jumped in excitement, forgetting the conversation. ‘Can I get some, Mary?’

  She giggled. ‘Sure.’

  🌻

  ‘Berry!’ Sam yelled, running down the hallway. ‘Berry! Bad dog!’ Berry ran up and down the stairs, before finally coming into the library and finding behind Mary, who was reading a book. 

  ‘Oh, Berry, what did you do this time?’ Mary made in her you-did-nothing-wrong-you-precious-bean voice, and Berry wagged his tail and accepted his ears being scratched. Berry dropped the red flannel shirt in front of her, and from the size, it was obvious it was Sam’s.

  ‘Berry!’ Sam and Castiel entered the library, and Berry ducked behind Mary. 

  ‘Berry, you cannot hide in plain sight. You are as tall as Sam is, we can still see you.’ Castiel told the dog, and it sat down behind her. ‘We can still see you.’

  He barked eagerly. 

  Mary held up Sam’s shirt, eyebrow raised. ‘I’m presuming that this is yours?’ 

  ‘Yeah, it is!’ Sam walked over to his mom, giving an appreciative nod before taking it. ‘Thanks Mary.’

  Her eyes immediately went to the bruises on his neck and chest, that trailed down past his stomach. Sam flinched a bit when his mom touched his neck, and looked at her in confusion. ‘Sam…? Have you been going out and getting laid lately?’

  ‘What? No!’ Sam flushed like a little kid. ‘No, no, not that! I’ve just…’

  ‘Sam, honey, it’s okay if you are. I mean, I know you probably think I’m going to compare you to Dean, because he does it all the time--’

  ‘No, I’ve been having sex with Castiel!’ Sam buttoned the last of his button, then held Sam’s hand. ‘He and I are in a relationship.’

  She froze again. The three of them stood awkwardly, because didn’t Jack tell her that Dean and Castiel we’re dating? Berry rubbing against her hand looking for some sort of attention, snapped her out of her thoughts. 

  ‘Sam? Jack told me that Dean and Castiel were dating.’ Mary approached cautiously, then gasped. ‘Castiel! Are you cheating on my other son with Sam!’

  ‘What?’ Castiel seemed genuinely confused, and Sam put his hands out in front of him and Castiel, just in case she decided to attack.

  ‘No, Mary, he’s dating me, we just haven’t told Jack yet! He must be confused, because Dean and Castiel’s room’s are right next to each other!’ The younger Winchester said, and that seem reasonable, besides from the part where Castiel still seemed like he had no idea what was going on. 

  ‘Okay then.’ Mary said, giving Castiel a glare before turning her attention back to Berry. ‘Were you feed? You look so skinny!’

  🌻

  ‘Mary, I’d like to speak to you.’ Castiel approached her the next evening while Jack and her watched Sleeping Beauty. 

  ‘What is it, Castiel?’ She tilted her head. ‘Something wrong?’

  ‘It is about your sons.’ He replied, and her eyes opened wide. ‘No, I am not cheating on them, if that is what you are thinking about.’

  ‘Oh. Then what is it?’

  Castiel gulped. ‘I am in a relationship with neither of them.’ 

Mary lifted an eyebrow in confusion. ‘Did you and Sam break up--’

  ‘We were never in a relationship to begin with. And neither of them are getting laid.’ Castiel stated. Jack stopped chewing his popcorn, and gave a hesitant look to the angel. ‘They are in an intimate relationship with each other.’ 

  ‘Yes, Castiel they are brothers--’

  ‘Mary, they’re having sex with each other. They’re in love love with each other.’ Jack blurted out, and Castiel opened his eyes wide. ‘I’m sorry! But she didn’t know and I couldn’t keep it a secret for much longer, she's their mom! And they aren’t the type to kiss and tell!’

  ‘Show.’ Castiel corrected him, before placing a hand on Mary’s shoulder. ‘Please, do not separate them, they are in love, and are each other’s soulmates. You must understand that they have each other and have died for the other, because they cannot simply live without the other half of their life.’ 

  ‘Where are they?’ Mary asked, nonchalantly. ‘And don’t lie to me.’

  ‘They’re having an inmate moment with each other in Dean’s bedroom.’ The angel didn’t look her in the eyes, and went over to Jack to hug him. 

  🌻

  Her boys. They were brothers. And having sex with each other. 

  She almost started laughing right there and then when the door was slightly ajar, and peaked quickly, and Castiel was right. 

  ‘Sam!’ Dean shouted, balls deep in his brothers ass as Sam exposed his neck for his brother to lick and bite and suck at. ‘Fuck, it’s like everytime I prep you -- oh, Sammy! -- you go right back to being a virgin!’

  ‘S-shut up! Just hurry up, everyone is still in the bunker you know!’ His hands raked up and down the older Winchester's back. Crescents and deep red strokes painted Dean’s back. His legs wrapped securely around Dean’s waist, grabbing him close and gasping and panting and moaning. 

  Mary walked away, still hearing the groans coming from both of her sons. Her mind couldn’t wrap itself around any of it, and she sighed. She needed a drink. 

  🌻

  Sam and Dean came out of the room shortly afterwards, and entered the kitchen to get something to eat, where Mary was sitting at the table as if she was expecting them.

  ‘Boys?’ She started. ‘Do you want to tell me anything?’

  The brothers looked at each other confused. 

  ‘No… did you want to tell us something?’ Dean asked. 

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yeah, we’re sure.’ Sam’s mouth became a thin line. ‘Unless you want to tell us something?’

  ‘How long have you two been together?’ She asked, and noticed the small twitch in both of them. 

  ‘I mean,’ Dean chuckled lightly. ‘We’ve been together since birth and--’

  ‘Siblings don’t exactly fuck each other.’ She started, then winced at how badly it was worded. ‘I mean, you two do know it’s incest, right?’

  Sam started sniffling, crossing his arms tight and Dean’s eyes started watering up. 

  ‘I’m sorry, Mary.’ He stated, and the older Winchesters eyes opened wide. ‘Im sorry.’

  ‘The hell, Sammy? I’m not!’ He came in front of him, making Sam uncross his arms, and wrapping it around his neck, while Dean wrapped his arms around his waist. ‘Hey, I’m not sorry for falling in love with you, there ain’t nothing wrong with the way we are. You and I were made for each other, this relationship is perfect in it’s imperfect messed up way. I’m not sorry for loving you, and waking up to you every morning makes me the happiest person alive. I love you, Sammy.’ 

  Sam looked Dean in the eyes, moving and kissing the older Winchester slowly and Mary stood there silently. Sam broke it apart, needing air and simply rested his forehead against his. They both stood there, as if they we’re the only two people in existence, hands now intertwined with each other. 

  ‘I love you, Dean. I love you so much.’ Sam whispered for Dean. 

  ‘I love you too.’ 

  The two of them stood there for a couple more minutes while Mary watched, not saying a word, then breaking the silence. ‘Boys.’

‘Listen,’ Dean turned to look at his mom, tears streaming down his face. He stood to Sam’s left, gripping Sam’s hand tightly. ‘This--this is who your sons are. In a gay, incestous relationship with each other--but I love Sam and I will not break up with him--’

  ‘What? No, boys! I’m happy for you!’ Mary chuckled. That’s why those two dorks were crying. ‘This wasn’t exactly how I imagined your life to be, nor did I imagine your lives becoming this way, but I am happy for you two.’

  The two of them started crying harder, and Mary smiled. ‘C’mere, you two idiots.’

  The two of them leaned their heads on Mary’s shoulder, gripping her tightly and yet still cried because she loved them and accepted them and that was all that really mattered.

—

oh my god this is perfect mixture of hilarious and adorable. i love that both of them immediately pretended they were with cas, and jack had me laughing out loud with every word. you write their interactions so well!!

poor boys, though, immediately expecting the worst from mary :c im glad she took it well and they got to have their moment (even tho it looks like they totally forgot she was there lmao)

you are so good at humor and i’m so dead from all these winchester family feels 😭 you’re amazing ily 🥰

Enchanting

Pairing: Mingyu x trans guy!reader

Genre: fluff, coffee shop AU (I cannot believe it is 2k19 and I haven’t done a coffee shop yet, it’s about time!)

Word Count: 1,746

Request: Would it be alright if you did a friends to lovers drabble with Mingyu or Chanyeol and a trans guy reader? Hello sweet bean! Your wish is my command, I so hope you enjoy this <3

It's cold and rainy and disgusting the day you meet him.

The city seems to know you're new in town and unsure of yourself. Any other day and you'd delight in the gentle fall of rain, smearing the edges of the city and surrounding you with the soft sound of cleansing and renewal.

But today, you're stressed; and the entire world seems to know it.

The bus was ten minutes late and you had to walk into your very first college class looking like a hot, frazzled mess. A car drove by and splashed frigid water onto your brand new boots in the afternoon. Your binder refuses to stop itching and you'd murder someone for a decent cup of coffee.

The entire world feels unwelcoming and harsh, you think in a sour mood. 

Everywhere aside from this hole in the wall coffee shop, that is.

As if the universe heard your prayer you find it on a back street, two blocks from the student union. You look in through the window in disbelief. 

The ceiling is high and draws in all the light it can, making the space feel cozy and welcoming despite the fall chill. You stand and shake the water from your hair and coat before pulling open the door to step inside.

A few of the circular polished birch tables are filled with other students getting a head start on homework for the quarter. A couple at a back table holds hands and smiles at each other over the rims of their large white mugs, filled with something steaming. It feels like a pocket of quiet and serenity in an otherwise frantic town.

Suddenly you shiver and remember how freezing you are. You turn to look up at the menu.

The walls are an off-white brick, the menu is a chalkboard that dominates the wall behind the counter. Neat letters list off the daily specials, the coffees and the teas, and you lick your lips in anticipation of the delicious warmth of a hazelnut latte.

The man behind the counter hums while he wipes down the machines. He looks about your age, maybe a bit older. His soothing voice blends in with the music coming through the speakers and you wonder what sort of dream you walked in on. Something about him makes your shoulders drop and some of the tension slide off of you.

He notices you watching him and straightens. His warm eyes take in the wet hair plastered to your forehead, the way your fingers grip the strap of your backpack, and the clothes you wore today because they finally make you feel like yourself.

'Hey, how's it going?' he asks, walking closer to you.

He's taller than you thought, now that's he's standing up straight. You had wondered if your tastes in men would change, now that the whirlwind of thoughts about your own gender finally resolved themselves into a cohesive whole. 

But no, you think, fighting your first real smile of the day, I still have a thing for the tall ones.

'Hanging in there,' you answer, clearing your throat and working on lowering the pitch to what feels right. 'How about you?'

'It's been good,' he says. 'But it's better now that someone in here finally has some decent music taste.'

You frown in confusion and he laughs softly, pointing and making you look down to the band tee you're wearing. 'Oh! You like them too?'

'Sure do. Not many people in this neighborhood are fans, are you new in town?'

He rests a long arm on the counter and waits patiently for you to respond, as if he’s in no hurry. 

You wonder if he's always this nice to new customers. If he knows that his long lashes and dimple will get him big tips, especially if he flirts. But you don't get the sense that he's putting on a front; he genuinely seems interested. The idea makes your stomach flip.

'I am. Just started at the U today. Is it obvious I don't fit in here?' you say with a laugh, scratching your neck self-consciously.

Coming to school out of state sounded like a good idea, a fresh start. A chance to be you, without anyone around who knew you before you started transitioning. It helps that you finally feel like yourself, or that you're on your way, at least. But today has been so much, all you want is a friendly face and a hug.

'No, not at all,' he counters with that damn megawatt smile again. 'I just haven't seen you before. And I'd definitely have remembered.'

'Oh.' The word leaves you unintentionally, without your permission. Despite the cold you feel your cheeks heating up. Okay, so. He might sort of possibly definitely be flirting. We got this.

'Well, if your hazelnut latte is good I think this will be my regular study spot.’

He laughs, a rich sound that wraps around you, stronger and more seductive than the smell of espresso. 

‘So, no pressure then,’ he quips. He pretends to roll up his non-existent sleeves and moves to the machine to begin steaming the milk.

You look around the place while he makes your order, mostly so you don’t stare at the cupid’s bow of his lips while he works. 

The art on the walls is subtle, abstract. You wonder if he chose it, he feasibly seems old enough to be the kind of person who could own a place like this. Or he could just happen to be the only person working here.

‘So what’s your name?’ he asks, drawing you back.

You tell him, standing up straighter and prouder as you say your new name, your real name. 

He nods to himself and slides the tall glass towards you, taking the card you set on the counter to run it through the machine. You wrap your hands around it, sighing as the warmth works its way through the cold in your fingers.

Before you can chicken out, you ask him what his name is. Casually, confidently. He somehow seems to make you both excited and relaxed and you don’t want the moment to end.

‘I’m Mingyu. I’m a Sophomore at the U,’ he says with a smile, handing your card back. ‘I work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursdays after class. If you happen to like it.’

Once again he makes you frown in confusion; once again he chuckles happily, motioning to the drink you hold. ‘The latte, I mean.’

‘Oh.’ To hide your smile you take a sip of the drink. You want to moan out loud it’s so good. Instead, you tell him so. ‘It’s perfect.’

He holds your gaze for a long moment and a warmth runs through your veins that has nothing to do with hot coffee. Then the jingle of a bell sounds behind you and you turn to see three girls push through the door, shivering and talking excitedly about hot chocolates. 

When you look back, Mingyu is still watching you with a faint smile. Maybe it’s your imagination, but he looks sad to be called away.

‘I’ll see you around,’ you say, walking to find a table.

To avoid embarrassing yourself you bury your head in your thick textbook and laptop and busy yourself with note-taking. When you look up two hours later, night has fallen and there’s someone new at the register, a petite girl with red hair. You wonder what time he got off work, if he thought about waving to you and you missed it.

You wonder where he goes, if he lives with someone. Roommates or a girlfriend or boyfriend maybe. You stick your pen between your lips and wonder if he’ll remember you the next time you come in.

The next time, two days later, he looks up at the sound of the bell and smiles when he sees you. His eyes crinkle at the edges and his face is so warm and welcoming you wonder if he was expecting you, or perhaps waiting for you.

‘Hey stranger,’ he says with a sly smile. ‘How’s your day? Same thing today?’

You nod, so pleased that you have to bite your lip to avoid grinning and giving yourself away entirely.

‘Classes are good. I think I’m getting the hang of this town finally. I’m not too sure about this intro to comp lit class I’m taking, though. I might drop it but I’ll see after class tomorrow and -’ Oh god, I’m rambling.

You take a deep breath and let it out with an amused laugh. ‘Yes, another hazelnut latte would be perfect, thank you.’

He asks you about your favorite song from the band you talked about yesterday while he makes the drink. Every answer you give you try to keep short, to turn the conversation back to him, if only to hear his low, sweet voice and to watch the way his brows shoot up every time he gets excited.

When you slide your card across the counter he waves you off, saying it’s on the house.

Blessedly, no one else comes in to take his attention away, and you talk until the glass is empty. This time, the interruption comes in the form of another co-worker, tapping Mingyu out. He grins at you and lifts the apron over his head.

‘Want to grab dinner? My shift is finally over,’ Mingyu says, reaching down below the counter to find a backpack. He slips it over his shoulder and comes around the counter to stand in front of you.

The word YES feels like it wants to burst from you, but first, you have to know.  ‘As like… friends?’  You say nervously, forgetting to pitch your voice lower.

He looks down, biting his lip. ‘I don’t give my friends free coffee,’ he says smoothly, looking up at you through his lashes and sliding his hands into his pockets. ‘I make them pay double.’

The two of you laugh. ‘Okay, then,’ you say, sure that by now you’re grinning like an idiot at him.

The dimple in his cheek deepens as his lips pull back into a smile. ‘Okay, then.’

The strands of lights around the room give it a soft glow, and you think to yourself this truly is a magical place. As you push out into the once again drizzling and chilly evening you’re glad you’re taking Mingyu and all his light and warmth with you this time.

JT Anon

Anna:  JT sent me a very ranty submission in reply to this ask (LINK), so I’m including the ask herein for easy reference:

Nonny:   if they did go home together they could both have used the back door, no? why the pap op? to help publicize kubrick event, perhaps? also, she might have stayed in nyc because she has friends to see and didn’t need to rush back two days after met gala. we don’t know whether whole family, including nanny, didn’t come to nyc cause we didn’t see anyone, including BC, arrive at JFK. so it’s possible they all arrived together and left separately. details.

JT Anon:  but nonny this is the problem, we ALWAYS have to think of some excuse as to why ben is travelling alone, and surely they must have just arrived together (or left together). the fact of the matter is, ben went on record to say that if he is EVER away form the kids for more than a day or two, he has the entire family w him. full stop. that is what he said. and yet immediately after he said that we have not seen him travelling w his kids once. not once. in fact we’ve never seen ben and sophie complete a trip together since she gave ‘birth’. its always only on one end. also between you and me, the idea that these two have to have a nanny w them 24/7 because they can’t simply parent their kids w out other adults is hellah sad to me. i know they would be going to events etc, but still.

maybe thats why BC doesn’t have any anecdotes about his kids, he doesn’t actually spend any time w them at all. he is constantly farming them off to other people

personally, while im w anna in that i think the majority of enty stuff is pr fed, if i were to believe that the kids were real and living w him, then i believe enty when he says ben is just simply lying. mainly because only a pretty nasty guy would drag his tiny newborn infants onto multiple flights into different time zones, only to ditch them w the help and not parent them on said flights

I also agree w enty that he is lying about having his kids w him everywhere because we just haven’t seen it. it just simply doesn’t make sense that a man would go to all the trouble to hire very expensive 24/7 hour help (because, again, who wants to be left alone w their kids? not ben. not sophe. if what ben says is true, these two are not hands on parents. we have a lot of proof of that) only to arrive and leave w them sep every single time. i mean, what sort of man disrupts his kids like that so he can feel like he is being a god father, all the while not even bothering to sit w them on a plane? like if ben cant even get on and off a plane w his kids…

in this case, the simplest ex is likely the truth. he is lying. we have photographic evidence of bens travels, and since saying he is never w out them, we have actually never seen him w them.

if you believe that the kids are real, and that ben is not such a horrid parent that he immediately leaves the plane, ignoring his kids and walking off in front of cameras for pap shots, leaving either w a nanny or both sophie and a nanny to struggle w the kids (out the door w no paps? if he is private, and the kids have found a way in and out of the airport w out paps…why don’t they all do that…since they don’t want attention)

this brings us back to those little calendars of travel we have of ben. assuming the kids are real, ben has left his kids for literally MONTHS. months. If you add up all the weeks he took off, its been MONTHS he has left his kids, from the min they were born. he has left his kids for months, because i do not believe he has had them w him (and ben, if you drag kids through an airport now its not going to convince me). we have proof he lied and doesn’t take them w him.

If I were to believe the kids were real, then at this point i would think that all of that talk about finding his love and finally rocking his babies in his arms were stories for branding purposes. (i happen to think they were, however i always assumed there was some mild truth to it and they just hammered it to make him likeable to his female fan base, that the topic didn’t actually loom that large in his head) and because he branded himself as being desperate for love and babies, when sophie turned up preg, likely not by him, he had to double down on it. plus i also think he saw attention and big ass dollar signs. i think he and his team know that sophie causes this little discussion, and they are very happy to keep her around, and seen exactly the way she is to cont this steady stream of attention and eyeballs on his articles and pics that have her just off to the side. then not, then to the side again.  

hence the stories that he travels w his kids when we can see he does not

hence the stories that he rushes to give them a bath every night when we can see him away from home at at events were that isn’t possible.

hence all the other anecdotes from him about kids that are impossibilities and lies

if i were to believe the kids were real, i would believe that he is not a hands on father. that he does not spend much time, if any at all, w his kids. that he has round the clock care raising them. that he isn’t that interested in being a parent, and his stories are just keeping up w previous branding that was also untrue.

I personally always thought that pining for love and a family thing was for branding for his female fanbase, and if his kids and marriage are real, then i tend to believe it was less true and more branding  than i had originally thought

I think this is why so many of the nans have to tangle and pin red string onto dates and locations when seeing ben travelling alone and not out w his kids and saying things about kids that make no sense. they bought the pining for love and a kid thing hook, line and sinker. they thought it was the absolute truth. it never occurred to them that bens team took “yeah , sure id like a wife and kids one day” and turned it into “Ben weeping out of loneliness wants nothing more than to find his soulmate and rock his babies it consumes his heart!” because the response from his fan base was positive.  Because they bought this story and didn’t for one second think anything about bens personality was tweaked and manufactured, they can’t entertain the idea that now, now that he has found his heart (he TOLD them he lovedher! He SAID we HAVE to love her too!!!) and has kids, that his behaviour wouldn’t match whatever fairy tale they have in their heads.

they cannot accept that ben leaves his kids for weeks on end, so there MUST be some convoluted story of sophie CONSTANTLY staying behind w a nanny to visit friends when they are in NYC. They have to CONSTANTLY have the nanny w them 24/7 because there is no other way to explain them being in these places and not having their kids. They MUST only be out when they are seen, because they have to explain why he would bring his kids to NYC, only to leave them every night and every day to shop and eat.

I dont know what they’ve come up w to explain the fact that ben has now had 2 or 3 children and has not a single story about parenting that makes sense.

if you believe the kids are real, then the reality is this is not a man who spends time w his kids. his stories suggest he doesn’t even know them frankly. his stories about them make absolutely no sense. anyone who has done a daily routine w kids from ages birth to 8 knows that what he says makes no sense, and there are very specific things he has not said that he could absolutely say w out it being some invasion of privacy

I think nans just don’t want to accept that ben is not a loving hands on father. he doesn’t spend that much time w his kids. he would rather go work and party and vacation and socialise. he is perfectly happy to leave his kids w hired help constantly. he is perfectly happy to go on constant vacations and leave his kids. he isn’t all that interested in being w them during the day.

I think they also don’t want to accept that, like thousands of celebs before them, he sees these kids as a money making opportunity. that doesn’t mean he is forcing them to perform, but he can monetise them, and he has. he has tried to sell their pictures, he is using these silly stories for clicks, he hires paps. he has branded them into his image to make cash, while not spending much time w them

its actually not that hard to believe, it would be what makes the most sense in this situation. ben has kids he doesn’t really care for, isn’t’ interested in parenting. he has the cash to throw at people so he isn’t responsible for them, and he monetises them in as many ways possible to at least get some cash money out of this situation

its only people who believe the branded intimacy that have to spin in circles to make this not that. people who bought the idea that out of all the celebs on earth, he was not branded. they really super duper know him for real. they can tell he is totes genuine, he would never lie to them, he really does love his fans on some intimate level (how on earth?).

admitting that ben is a liar, that he does call the paps, that he does monetise his personal life, that he does brand his kids, that he isn’t the family man he says he is would be to admit that they were wrong about having some sort of understanding about a public figure that is more intimate than is actually possible. they would have to admit that, just like thousands of fans before them, they were suckered into not only thinking HE was special, but THEY are too.

and now before anyone gets on our cases and starts spitting on their computer screen as they shout “BIT RICH FOR YOU GUYS WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH HIM AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!!” There is a difference. We simply happen to take what he is saying and think its nor true and that he lies.We work w what we see.

Having said that, there ARE people who are skeptical of this whole thing who DO take it too far and think they they have some sort of connection w ben. The only broad thing I will say about that is, when discussing ANY public figure, if someone truly does believe that there are somehow secret messages being conveyed from said public figure, either from clothing choices, word choices, gestures, and that those secret messages have special meanings for that person because there is some sort of understanding between them and the public figure, despite no actual contact, i would HIGHLY encourage people not to engage w this person. don’t’ make fun of them, don’t’ attempt to talk them out of their thought process, it won’t work. just cut off communication about said public figure

sorry, this was a long one anna!

J travels w her dogs and actually leaves the aiport w them T anon

Anna:  I cosign 99.9% of what JT had to say above.  Especially these two parts:

the fact of the matter is, ben went on record to say that if he is EVER away form the kids for more than a day or two, he has the entire family w him. full stop. that is what he said. and yet immediately after he said that we have not seen him travelling w his kids once. not once. in fact we’ve never seen ben and sophie complete a trip together since she gave ‘birth’. . . . ben has now had 2 or 3 children and has not a single story about parenting that makes sense.

End The Night With You Pt. 2

[[ PART ONE ]] [[PART THREE]] [[PART FOUR]] [[PART FIVE]]

Pairing: Calum Hood/ Female Reader

Super fluffy again, some mention of cigarettes. 

Word Count: 4,079 oh my god i have no idea how that happened i’m so sorry

 It's now been just under a year since the night you met Calum Hood outside the venue of the show you had attended. The two of you became quick friends after that night and you both made efforts to connect with each other most every day. The two of you were constantly texting, talking on the phone, or snapchatting via the 5 Seconds Of Summer official snapchat. You still could not believe that by some random chance that night, Calum just happened to have wanted a cigarette at the same time that you happened to be smoking one, away from the large post-show crowd. It was not lost on you how lucky you were to not only have met him, but to have actually formed a genuine bond with him. You'd also spoken to the other guys in the band a few times as well, but mostly just when they would steal Calum's phone from him as he was talking to you. You didn't think you'd ever be able to forget your first conversation with Luke. 

   It was about four months after you'd met Calum, he was off somewhere in Europe on tour, taking over the world. He had texted you earlier in the day to make sure that he'd be able to call you at some point, neither of you quite yet sure how to make heads or tails of time differences. You told him to call you at what would have been roughly 1 am to him, but he assured you that he'd definitely call. And you believed him, because like he said the night you two met, he was a man of his word. When the time for his call rolled around you made sure to have your phone on you so that you wouldn't miss it. He called about 15 minutes later, apologizing over and over again for being late and blaming his drunken band mates. You could clearly hear a chorus of drunk male voices in the background of the phone call and offered to have him call you later on, or  even the next day. Before Calum could answer you heard Luke in the background call out "Oi! Is'at (Y/N)?" You heard Calum say yes, and tell Luke to go away but Luke was apparently able to get Calums phone away from him because the next thing you heard was Luke on the other end of the line.

   "Heeeeeey! It's (Y/N)!!!" He said, too loudly, his voice high pitched and slurring. 

   "Hi, Luke." You responded with a laugh. 

   Luke yelled to the people around him "Hey! Guess whaaaaaaat!" You listened as the noise around him silenced, a small smile still on your face. "Cal's girlfriend knows my naaaaaame!" Once again being way too loud, and slurring his words. Your smile fell istantly as you felt your entire body go red hot at his words. Sure, Calum was attractive, and nice, and funny and every other good thing a person could possibly be. But you weren't his girlfriend. The next thing you know a round of cheers and applause can be heard from the other side of the call, along with a roar of laughter from Luke and Calum telling him to give his phone back, peppering in some profanity and one particularly anatomical insult. 

   "Jesus, I'm sorry, (Y/N)." He starts with a sigh. "I'm in a band with a bunch of idiots." He says the last word slightly louder, making sure that they heard him. His statement was met with another roar of laughter and cheers. You assured him that it was okay, and told him to get off the phone and have fun with his friends. When he had protested, saying he wasn't in the mood to party, you jokingly threatened to hang up on him. He had giggled that cute, little giggle that you had come to absolutely adore. "Okay, I'll go. I'll have fun. I'm sorry our call got cut short. We can try again tomorrow." You agreed, and said your goodnights before hanging up. You knew all along that you and Calum were not dating. You were friends, and nothing more, and you were perfectly fine with that. But even knowing that, you still couldn't help yourself from thinking about the fact that Luke had called you Calum's girlfriend constantly for the next week. 

   It was now exactly three days until you would be seeing 5 Seconds Of Summer, and Calum, again and you could not be more excited. Calum was doing his damndest to get you to accept his offers of getting you into the show for free, getting you a meet and greet pass, even offering to bring you back stage with him and the band so that you could be side stage for the show, but you were adamant in declining every offer he made. You just wanted to be like every other fan going to see their favorite band that day. 

   "But you're not 'every other fan.'" He said, mimicking your tone over the phone. "You got someone on the inside now! Do you have any idea how many people would willingly lose an arm to get what I'm trying to give you?" His voice was slightly high pitched, feigning offense, as he tried to talk you into it.

   "Maybe so, but I actually like waiting in line for shows. I've met some of the coolest people that way." You retorted. 

   "But not as cool as the people you meet by sharing cigarettes after the show, right?" His voice trailing up at the end and you swear to god you could actually hear him wiggling his eyebrows as he spoke. You smiled wide to yourself, sitting alone on your bed as you pretended to think about your answer. You tucked your legs under yourself so that you were sitting cross legged on top of your lavender bed spread before answering.  

   "I may have met like one or two cool people that way. Now that I think of it, I simply cannot remember." Calum groans into the phone at this. "Actually, there was this one guy..." You started, speaking as if you were trying to remember a distant memory that had gone blurry with time. "He was kinda cool, I guess. He definitely smoked a lot of my cigarettes, I do remember that." Calum actually gasped before all but yelling "I paid you back for those, (Y/N)!" You laughed and threw your head back, almost banging it on the headboard of your bed as you did so, as you thought back to that night. You heard Calum giggle on his end of the call, and you were really, really grateful that you were able to make him laugh like that. 

   The next few days somehow passed in a blur, and took a month to get through all at the same time. You went about your daily tasks on autopilot, just waiting impatiently for the night of the show. Work seemed to drag on worse than normal, and you found it hard to sleep at night due to the excitement. You spent the entire evening of the day before the show picking out an outfit, eventually settling on jeans and a plain hunter green shirt, basically the same outfit you had worn the last time you'd seen them live. You felt so dumb when you finally decided on your outfit, and you couldn't help but wonder why it had been so important in the first place. 

   Finally, after what seemed like lifetimes of waiting, the day of the show rolled around. You had planned on getting in line early to be sure you got a good spot in the crowd. You woke up well before your 6:30 alarm to a text from Calum.

(Y/N)! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS!?!?!

   You rub the sleep from your eyes as you smile down at your phone. You sit up in bed, throwing the covers from yourself before stretching your tired limbs. You pick your phone back up from your bed to text Calum back.

Thursday?

   You smile to yourself at the thought that he was as excited about tonight as you were. As you waited for his response, you made your way to the bathroom and started to get ready for the day. By the time you had dressed and thrown your hair up into a towel after your shower your phone was buzzing on the bathroom counter, Calums name lighting up the screen.

Ouch, (Y/N). Ouch.

Another text came through at that very moment. 

And here I thought that what we had was special )':

You laughed out loud, the sound magnified by the tiled walls of your bathroom.

Put away the tissues, Hood. I'm probably more excited than you are about tonight anyway.

Impossible.

   You felt your heart speed up just a bit at his response. How did he always know exactly what to say to do that to you? It didn't matter if he was halfway across the world, or two blocks down the street. This boy knew you, and that was scary. Sure, you've had boyfriends in the past, but even the guys that you had been in serious, committed relationships with had never had this kind of effect on you. This friendship was... Odd, to say the least. 

   You finished getting ready for the show, dressing in your pre-chosen outfit and applying a light layer of foundation and mascara before blow drying your hair and throwing it into a high pony. You found yourself getting nervous as you got into your car to go to the venue. You had been looking forward to seeing Calum again since you'd bought your ticket months ago, but now that it was just hours away you couldn't ignore the ball of nerves that had settled deep inside the pit of your stomach. 

   The band sat in the dressing room, the sounds of the opening band drifting in. Calum was bouncing his legs at hyper speed, tapping on his knees with his hands periodically, completely zoned out to the conversations going on around him. The boys had been giving him a hard time about this show for the last few days, knowing that this was the one you’d be at. Luke shot Michael and sneaky smile and mouthed “Watch this!” to him, slyly pointing at Calum. “So, Cal." He started, leaning back in his chair. "Is your girlfriend gonna be at the show?” Calums face broke out into a huge grin as he looked at Luke. Luke wore a mischievous smile on his face. Calum shook his head and forced his smile to drop so he could scowl at the blond. “Her name is (Y/N). She’s not my girlfriend. And you know she’s going to be there.” He paused for a moment, redirecting his eyes to the dressing room door.     

   Michael let out a loud laugh. “I can’t believe you still haven’t made a move, man. Ask her out at least!” He said, throwing his hands dramatically above his head. Calum just shook his head again, still avoiding eye contact with his bandmates.

   Suddenly Ashton stood from his own chair and walked over to Calum, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Guys, let’s be nice to Cal?” Calum looked up at him with a thankful smile. Ashton smiled back down at him. “Our boy is just taking his time, fellas. He's nervous about talking to a pretty girl. He’ll ask (Y/N) out when he’s good and ready.” Calum smacked Ashtons hand from his shoulder and sat forward on his chair. “You’re all a bunch of assholes, ya know that?” The three boys all laughed at once as Calum stood up and walked out the dressing room door, shutting it a little harder than he had meant to. Once he was on the other side of the door he pulled his cellphone from his pocket and sent you a text. 

    You felt your phone buzz in your hand with a text from Calum. You couldn't help but notice the time, making a mental note that 5 Seconds of Summer would be on stage in less than ten minutes.

Where are you parked?

The same place as last time.

Meet there after the show?

   You grinned at your screen, tucking a fallen piece of hair behind your ear, before responding.

I’ll be the one sitting on my car (;

   A few minutes passed, you imagined he was busy getting ready for the show with the guys so you didn’t mind. You were about to put your phone back in your pocket when it buzzed once more.

Awesome. You look great today, by the way.

   You felt your breath catch in your throat the second you read his message. The opening band that was on stage was finishing up the last song of their set, you could vaguely hear one of them telling the crowd that they would be at their merch table for the rest of the night and after the show, but you couldn't pay attention if you had wanted to. Did he really just send that? Did he mean it the way you took it? Are you reading too much into it? Friends compliment each other all the time, right? You put your phone to sleep and replaced it in your back pocket, trying to push your thoughts from your mind so that you could properly enjoy the show. 

   A few minutes pass while the 5 Seconds of Summer techs set up the stage for the band. You get excited when you see them bring out the keyboard that Calum has been playing recently, placing it almost directly in front of you. The team works together seamlessly to get everything ready for the show. Before long, the lights on the stage dim and the crowd around you goes nuts. The show starts the same as every other 5 Seconds of Summer show, with Ashton entering the stage alone and hitting his cymbals to bring the rest of the band to stage. As soon as Calum gets to his microphone you see him scan the crowd. When his eyes meet yours he smiles that big, beautiful sunshine smile that made you absolutely melt. 

   During the show, Calum would occasionally find you in the crowd again and smile at you while he was singing. At one point, you watched as he met Michael in the middle of the stage and whispered something to him. After they spoke, Calum made his way over to the left side of the stage while Michael came over to the right side. He leaned out over the crowd and everyone around you started screaming, putting their arms up to try to reach him. But he was focused on you, not breaking eye contact. He smiled at you, and raised his eyebrows before pulling back and practically running back to his own microphone for his solo in the song. Your mouth went dry as you realized that Calum had definitely pointed you out to him when they had talked. Why? Why would Calum point you out to Michael in the middle of a show? Why did Michael care? Once more, you pushed your own thoughts from your mind and tried to enjoy the show. 

    As the band finished their final song, they once again met in the middle of the stage, bowed together, and walked off. You didn't go to the merch table afterwards like you normally would, too excited about seeing Calum again to put it off any longer. You immediately went to your car in the employee parking lot and got your pack of cigarettes out from the cup holder and lit one. You held the smoke in your lungs again, trying to calm your nerves. You looked over your shoulder again and saw the familiar sight of crew members loading instruments and gear into trailers. You smiled to yourself, remembering the last time you were sitting in this same position and how much your life had changed for the better since that night. You finished your cigarette and flicked the butt into the parking lot in front of you, watching at it landed in between two cars about a yard in front of you. That was when you heard it. That familiar voice that made the ball of nerves in your stomach disappear instantly. 

    "Those things will kill you, ya know." You spun around on your hood to see Calum walking up behind you, his red button down shirt open showing his black t-shirt underneath and both of his hands in the pockets of his pants. You jumped off your hood and walked as fast as you could toward him, his arms now open, waiting for you to take your place between them. Calum wrapped his strong arms around your shoulders, while you wrapped your own arms around his waist, snaking them under his red shirt. He brought one hand to the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your hair. “I missed you.” He whispered into your hair. You smiled into his chest, breathing him in. “I missed you, too.” The two of you held each other for a moment before you stepped back, looking up at him. He was beaming as held your shoulders in his hands, and just looked at you. You took a step forward and wrapped your arms around him for a quick moment. He hugged you back, squeezing your shoulders in a comforting embrace. 

    This time, he was the one to take a step back and break the hug. He put both his hands behind his back. "Close your eyes, (Y/N). I have a surprise for you." You laughed as you did as you were told. "Hold your hands out." He commanded, and you did. "Okay, ready?" You nodded your head up and down quickly. He giggled a little before placing something in your hands. Actually, two somethings. Two small, smooth rectangles of the same size. You slowly opened one eye and looked at your palms to see two packs of cigarettes, one of the kind you smoked and one of the kind Calum smoked. "So tonight I don't have to smoke all of your cigarettes, and you don't get to hold it over me for the next year." You laughed as you brought both hands to the side of your face, and saying in a bad falsetto, "My hero!" 

    You both took your spots on the hood of your car. You lit a cigarette as Calum expertly smacked his own pack against his hand before opening it and lighting his own. The same comfortable silence as before enveloped the two of you as you smoked. You would occasionally look over at Calum to find that he was already looking at you. You blushed and turned your head back to face the ground, earning a small chuckle from him each time. After the third time of this happening you finally asked Calum why he was looking at you. Something on your face? He giggled again and said "I'm just really happy to be in the same city as you again, that's all." You  leaned over, resting your shoulder on his and taking a deep breath. You brought your cigarette to your lips and inhaled, unable to contain the smile taking over your face. 

    When you both finished your cigarettes, you laid back on your hood just like you had before. You asked him about his tour, and he shared the same stories that you had been hearing all year but he still captured your attention as if they were brand new to you. You had one arm behind your head, and the one closest to Calum laid out at your side, absentmindedly playing with a loose strand on your shorts as he talked. He had just finished telling a story about Ashton and something called a "shooey" when you suddenly felt his warm hand against yours. He put his hand on yours, intertwining your fingers. The touch sent fireworks through your entire body and before you knew it was happening, you were pulling your hand away. 

    "Shit! I'm sorry, (Y/N). Fuck... I shouldn't have done that." He sat up straight, running a hand through his curls. "It's just that Michael has been really giving me shit lately and I just thought..." You stopped him mid-sentence. 

    "Calum, it's fine." He took his hand from his hair and looked at you. "It was just a surprise. I don't know why I pulled my hand away, really. Maybe just because I haven't actually held hands with anyone in a while?"

   Calum had a shy smiled on his face as he asked, "So... You're not, like, upset or anything?"

   "No, I'm not upset. Just a little shocked." You answered, moving your hand to capture his again, giving it a squeeze. 

    His smile grew so wide that you weren't sure how his face was even big enough to hold it. "Am I really that bad at flirting?"

   You threw your head back, your hair flying, as you laughed. You leaned into him again and closed your eyes, allowing yourself to be completely submerged in the moment. "No, you're not that bad at flirting." You answered, taking a deep breath. "I'm just having a hard time figuring out why, is all." Calum turned toward you, and looked into your eyes. You were amazed at how beautiful his big, brown eyes were in the lights of the city. He brought his free hand to cup the side of your face, his thumb gently rubbing along your cheekbones. 

    "Because, (Y/N). You are the best thing in my life. Your phone calls make my entire day, and I reread your texts over and over again on the bus when I can't sleep. I talk about you constantly to the guys, and anyone else who will listen. Seeing your pictures on Instagram and Snapchat break my heart a little bit because all I can think about is how much longer I have to wait until I get to see you again." He smiled at you, flicking his tongue out of his mouth slightly to lick his lips. "(Y/N), the guys are always, and I mean always on my ass about asking you out, but I didn't want to do it on the road. That didn't feel right, or fair, ya know?" You nodded your head against his hand, unable to speak. His smile grew as he continued. "I had to cash in every favor I've earned over the last seven years for this, but we don't have a show until Monday. So we aren't leaving until Saturday morning." He took a deep breath, breaking your eye contact to look down at the hood of your car.  He looked back up at you, you could see in his eyes that he was nervous. "I'd love to be able to take you on a real date tomorrow night. If you'll let me, anyway."

   Before you could stop yourself your face was an inch from his. You looked deep into his eyes, then glanced down at his full lips before whispering, "Of course." And closing the space between the two of you. Calum moved his hand that had been cupping your cheek to the back of your head, tangling his long fingers in your hair again as he kissed you back. You left your eyes closed for just a second when Calum pulled back from you and broke the kiss. When you opened your eyes you saw that he was wearing an even bigger smile than before, but now you had a whole new appreciation for it. The two of you laid back on your hood once more, this time you placed one arm around his waist as you laid your head on his chest. He wrapped one arm around you as the other one reached up to yours, lacing your fingers with his own once again. You watched the stars together in that parking lot for hours. You were sure the actual employees of the venue had been judging you as they walked to their cars  to leave, but you could not be bothered to care. 

    Calum was sure that his bandmates would no doubt wonder what the hell had happened to him, but he just smiled to himself. He knew that when he told them he had finally asked you out, they'd almost be happier than he was. 

~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @blue-skies-are-alright @curlious @gotta-try-something-new @cocobuttercalum  

And I’d like to take a second to extend the worlds largest thank you to @crownedbyluke I truly do not think I would have finished this without you. 

As usual, I hope you all love this fic! If you do, please take just a moment to let me know what you thought of it! I appreciate any and all feedback. Hoping you all have a wonderful weekend ♥

-Desiree’

Think of Me |m.yg

PART 1 | 2 (Please Stop) Thinking of Me pairing: Reader x Min Yoongi type: Soulmate!AU w.c. : 4.7k summary: You have seen people find their soulmates in the most unique ways, from writings on skin to hearing their thoughts since their childhood as they narrate. However, you’re clueless; hopeless to find the person destined to you when you can’t see or hear hints, clues as to where your soulmate is. You believed that you were a defect from the magical system, all until something unusual happen to you one day. 

                             “—it was so sweet, he really doodled a sunflower on his skin, it was like he knew it was my favorite flower!” Mijin nearly squealed on her seat, spotting Jungkook walking back to the booth you’re both occupying with a tray filled with beverages for all of you.

It was your first time to meet your best friend’s soulmate today, finding yourself waking up to Mijin’s incessant messages that blew up your phone earlier and asking you to meet her in the diner you two have frequented since meeting as college freshmen a year ago.

Once you arrived, you cannot fathom how destiny loves kissing your best friend’s ass and granting her a soulmate who’s probably sculpted perfectly by gods above. Even you can’t help yourself but stare longingly at his sleeved arms, the fabric clinging to his big guns as Mijin’s hands seemed to coiled around her soulmate’s as he only chuckled at her.

“How the fuck did you even get lucky?!” You helplessly whined at her, who only sent you back a smug smile as she averted her gaze back to Jungkook who arrived back to their table.

“Hey,” You greeted him while he adjusted his seat close to Mijin, his doe eyes catching your attention, “Are you sure you’re not lost, maybe you’ve met the wrong soulmate—“ You suddenly felt an ache from her kick below the table. 

Jungkook only chuckled in response, raising his left forearm to show you a different drawing that can be seen from Mijin’s own forearm, “I’m pretty sure she’s the one I am destined with.”

You sipped on the vanilla milkshake you’ve ordered, face grimacing in the process as you can only confirm one common thing about them, “Yeah, I can see that both of you are sappy romantics.”

“You guessed correctly.”

Mijin gasped, eyes widening as she looked at him, “Really? Have you watched the Japanese movie ‘I Give My First Love to You’?” He nodded excitingly at her as she jumped from her seat, wrapping her arms around his neck as they gave the eyes.

“Why are you looking all that happy when the movie has a sad ending?” You were puzzled, not minding their current actions that scream PDA, you’d rather wait for an object to fly and hit their heads at the moment.

There was a silence between you and them, seeing as they continued to sip on their drinks while minding their own world as you minded your own phone, scrolling up with a pad of your finger as you checked tweets to pass the time, until one of them approach you again with a word.

You were happy, to say the least. To see your best friend finally meeting a guy who believes in the magical system of soulmates, unlike the others who are afraid of their destiny and proceeded in fucking up their life on a daily basis with one-night stands. You, however, are torn between believing and not.

You cannot see a special mark embedded on your body, not a single line nor anything that would give you at least an answer that you have a soulmate waiting for you. As what others have narrated the moment they met their soulmates, you cannot sense the same thing with your soulmate.

Or, what if you don’t have a soulmate in the first place?

The impending fear always leave you sweating and cold in the wee hours of night, waking up from a nightmare that you’ll only live and die alone for the rest of your life was enough to keep your mind running. Thinking that you’re a defective to the system.

But you’d always cling to a sliver of hope that you’ll find him or her as you cannot find neither cases nor documentaries in the city’s library about not having a soulmate; meaning no one has not ever found their soulmates. Some found theirs at the age of mid-thirties, but that was only the last case you’ve heard from news . . . who knows, maybe you’ll break the record and find your soulmate at the age of 78.

That’s if you can still live long.

“How about you, ______,” You were snapped out of your lingering thoughts, your eyes finding Jungkook’s brown ones as he continued to asked, “Have you found your soulmate yet?”

Mijin can only looked at you in pity, remembering that you shared most of your nightmare stories to her in the late nights as she also lives in the same dorm room as you within the university. She always prepares you a warm cup of tea after explaining the repetitive nightmares, and Mijin especially let you lie next to her bed, easing into a dreamless sleep after the incident.

Before she can reply, you already answered, “No, I haven’t.”

Jungkook prodded further, “Are there any indication on when or where to find your soulmate?”

Mijin lean closer to him, mumbling inaudible words as you can only guess what she has said to him by his reaction. “I—I did not mean to . . .”

You only offered a small smile at him, sighing, “It’s alright, I’m clueless as to how to meet them in this lifetime.”

“I’m pretty sure you can find him or her sooner or later,” Jungkook encouraged you, softly glancing at you as you appreciated his concern, you were glad to see Mijin is destined to a guy like him. “There are countless ways to find them, just wait for an opportunity to come.”

“Thank you.”

Mijin’s genuine smile was enough to comfort you through the day.

The night has fallen in the city of Busan, and you find yourself tailing the new couple in front as you admired the string lights hanging above the small market built with colorful stalls with varieties of tasty foods and trinkets one can only find within the town. The breeze coming from the sea only amplified the essence of the night market located by the seaside, above the sturdy wooden sidewalks built the boundary between the asphalt road and the sandy shore of the beach.

You glance forward to see the two of them detouring to another stall filled with jewelries on the right, arms linked throughout the time as their free hands were following what their eyes set upon on, be it a ring or a bracelet that’s no worth as gold or silver ones. Granted, they were cheap, but it was all the college students could afford at the moment.

“There,” You suggested the sunflower necklace hanging near the other edge of the table, the saleswoman catching the item you first spotted as she unlaced it for you, “Oh, for her,” You kindly smiled as she gazed at Mijin and handed out the necklace.

Jungkook beamed at her, “Looks pretty on you.” He unlatched the hook of the necklace, placing himself behind her as he carefully brushed Mijin’s hair away before wearing the necklace around her neck. “How much?”

The saleslady mused, “3000 won for you, I can see from the gleam of your eyes that you’ve just found her.”

“I did.” He pulled out the exact bills, purchasing the item as you see Mijin fanning herself, face crimson from the compliments coming from both her soulmate and the seller.

“Don’t you want anything, _____?” Jungkook asked you out-of-the-blue, “It's on me.”

You were taken aback, noticing that he was really a gentleman. Too sweet and kind for a guys in his age, you could only assume he’s just the same age as you and Mijin, “No thank you, Jungkook-ssi.”

You added, “That’s really kind of you.”

He only shrug in response as he interlaced his fingers with Mijin, with you standing on her other side as you went in through the stalls selling street foods, “Just taught to treat anyone with kindness.”

“You’re too sweet for this world,” Mijin piped in, smiling from ear to ear while you followed them to the nearest food stall selling spicy rice cakes. Your mouth watered at the sight and smell as she pulled you towards it.

“Come on, Jungkook’s treat.” She insisted, smirking at her next statement, “I know you can’t resist tteokbokki.”

You sighed defeatedly, “Alright, if he does insist.” somehow, you were tempted to add that you can’t also deny that you’re being offered free food. It has been your weakness, and for sure you’re easy to fall for traps or be lured in when it involves your favorite snacks.

Mijin hands you a paper cup full of the rice cakes you’ve been craving after the multiple projects you finished last week, forgetting the instant black bean noodles waiting for you back at the dorm. “Good god—“ You nearly moaned at the burst of flavors hitting homerun in your taste buds.

“They really sell the best tteokbokki here,” Jungkook claimed before ushering both of you to sit on the unoccupied table near the stall, covered by a striped green roofing cloth in case the weather turns up wet today or for the rest of the week. The three of you were too immersed with the food to even drop a comment, nearly devouring your portion of rice cake as the only thing you can only hear was the crash of the waves from afar, adding the loud sound produced by the cicadas in the area.

It was too early to claim this a peaceful night when your phone buzzed within your left pocket, placing the cup you’ve been holding for awhile as you rummage for the vibrating object out.

Sent by: Jimin                 ‘ Are you busy? My USB got corrupted, please email me the file asap! ‘ 

That definitely killed your night, faster than Thanos could snap his fingers.

Sent by: You                ‘ Okay, don’t worry. ‘

“Guys, I think I’ll be heading back at the dorm early,” You explained to the couple situated on the other side of the table, “I got something to send before 12.”

Mijin stood from her seat, bidding you goodbye with a hug, “I’d be back before 11.”

“You better,” You joked before glancing at Jungkook, “Please take her home safely later.”

He reassured you, “Will do, before 11.”

You waved goodbye at them on the table, weaving your way out of the night market just when you were lucky enough to hitch a ride on a bus en-route to your dorm before it leaves you to wait for 15 minutes for the next one.

Somehow the rice cake was, indeed, not guaranteed to keep your stomach from gurgling tonight when you switched on the lights near the doorway of your dorm, opening the cabinets above the mini countertop adjacent to the front door as you pulled out the instant pack of black bean noodles, also a small cooking pot before you filled it with tap water and putting it on top of the electric cooker to boil it up.

Your laptop was left open on top of your bed, showing the loading sign at the center of the screen while you were emailing the file to Jimin, explaining that he mistakenly plugged in his USB to his roommate’s laptop filled with virus. Adding his opinion that it’s because of too much porn download.

You could only laugh at his reply in the chat earlier, assuring that you’ll be sending the original file that he has to redo a bit of parts before sending it to your philosophy professor before the clock strikes 12:00 AM. Not long and you can see that it was successfully sent, and now your attention is solely on the tasty noodles you’re boiling soft tonight.

You can only bite your bottom lip at the smell of the sauce being poured over the noodles, mixing it with two of your steel chopsticks as you momentarily forget your surroundings; barely fixing the oversized shirt you’re currently wearing which shows skin from your collars to your shoulder blades.

Placing the device on top of your lap, you situated yourself comfortably within the confines of your blanket. You scrolled to find movies on Netflix while the bowl of noodles sit idly beside you, waiting to be devoured on.

Your phone buzzed against the nightstand, spotting your project partner’s name on the bright screen illuminating the dimmed room.

Sent by: Jimin                 ‘ THANK YOU!!!!! EXPECT A COFFEE FROM ME TOMORROW :D ‘

Not bothering to reply to his message, you left your phone sleep on itself as you continue to search films under their new releases. The dorm room was eerily quiet as Mijin still haven’t arrived yet, the clock mounted high on the wall in front of you struck 9:00 PM.

Through the wee hours of being alone, you found yourself immersed in the movie you chose to watch. The empty bowl of noodles was left by the small sink installed on the countertop, still not finding the time to wash it up when you can’t keep your eyes away from the laptop screen and your body wrapped around the soft blankets as the rain started to pour half an hour ago.

Your eyes were shut when Mijin arrived back into the dorm, having to bid her soulmate goodbye by the entrance considering that the building is strictly a dormitory for girls. You were sleeping soundly on your bed as Mijin prepared her clothes before sleeping, leaving you be as she also kept your laptop away before you push it off again . . . knowing that you can’t afford fixing your laptop when you’re utterly broke at the moment.

You felt much warmer when you find yourself conscious, assuming that morning has come to welcome the dorm room with warm rays entering through the glass windows . . . your eyes were too droopy last night to not mind the curtains left open, damn it.

But you were surprise to sense that there’s no bright light absorbed by your closed eyelids, and the warmth became too much when you feel it on your backside. Supposed that I might be facing Mijin’s bed, you internally thought as you started to peel your eyes open for another day.

You’re supposed to see Mijin’s sleeping figure in your sight but you only spotted thick, grey curtains covering the sunlight from peeking into the room. You have no recollection of the said curtains from the last time you did the laundry on bedsheets and curtains. Maybe they spotted a grey one last night from the market, another thought seemed to answer your cluelessness at the curtains when you felt a nudge behind you.

There was something heavy lying on top of your waist as you were facing sideways on the bed, your vision still blurred but you were confused with all the warmness you felt behind, and it was definitely not your blanket. You start to panic as you reached for your eyes, clearing it all from the gunk as your sight became clearer of the messy room.

Way too many black clothes littered upon the wooden flooring, seeing white sheets of paper littered on the far right corner of the room, where the small bookshelves supposed to be standing in your dorm room.

But it was not your dorm room when you see unusual things that neither you nor Mijin owns; the keyboard piano was definitely not own by any of you as you know that you didn’t partake in any piano lessons within your lifetime, same goes for the figurines displayed on top of a desktop table as you also recall not being a fan of an American basketball league.

You sat up from your— wait, not your bed too. Where the fuck am I?!

Like many horror scenarios you watched before, you attempted at slowly turning around to see what— or who is behind you. Your hands clutching at the blanket that seems to be yours, your eyes travel at a bulk figure wrapped in black comforter.

Your breath nearly hitches once you realized that there was an arm, too pale for Mijin to have, lying on top of your blanket. And the way it suddenly moves upward was enough to let yourself topple down the bed and scream, as if your life’s depending on the noise you’ve made.

The guy suddenly woke up from your noise, brows furrowed and words in his mind were collected to scold his fellow roommate. But the noise was too feminine of a screech to notice that you exist in the same room as him.

“WHO ARE YOU!?”

The guy sat up from his bed, leaning his figure against his arm propped out as he glanced at you in an angry demeanor, “What the fuck are you doing in my room?” he drawled.

Feeling exposed to his unfamiliar stare, you coiled your blanket around you tighter than before, “I-I don’t know, where am I?”

“Uhh, in my room? How did you get in here, anyway?”

You babbled, “I really don’t know I— I’m really lost, I was sure that I entered the right dorm last night. . .”

“Please get out of here before I call the police.” he spoke with hard tone, unusual to hear as if he’s not from. . .

“I am still in Busan, am I?” He was almost close to reach for his phone in his nightstand when a word from you surprised him even in the early mornings of being grumpy.

He looked at you quizzically, “No, you’re in Daegu.”

“WHAT?!”

“Stop screaming, woman!”

“— How can I be in Daegu when I . . .” Your eyes found his again, suddenly feeling the overwhelming rush within your body, going haywire. The guy who was still slumped on the bed also felt the surging rush, his posture turning straight as he was taken aback at you.

It’s not that he doesn’t believe in the magical system of soulmates, but he didn’t anticipate to meet the person he was destined with in his room. So much for taking relationships slow-paced when he has slept with you on the same bed that quick. 

However, you felt conflicted on whether to believe he’s your soulmate or not when you can clearly remember that there was no recorded incident of a soulmate finding their significant other through teleporting places. But why did you teleported in the first place?  

The same question burned through his mind at the same time, making him clearly conscious even without a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. Perhaps he . . .

“I thought of my soulmate— I guess you, last night.” He spoke, breaking the eerie silence within the room as you believed him. You felt like he was telling the truth.

“Wait, last night . . . oh,” You paused, crimson blush spreading on the apples of your cheeks as he was horrified at your statement.

“Not in that way you dolt,” He clarified quickly, “I was writing lyrics last night.”

You only sighed in relief, scanning the room before you asked, “What’s your name?”

“Min Yoongi.” His right hand travelling at his nape, feeling all too shy all the sudden as he brushed his fingertips against his hair.

You cleared your throat before responding your own name, “ ___  _______”

Both of you were suddenly quiet, minds still sinking the newfound information as you stood up and his gaze following your movement. “Look, I need to go back . . . I can’t miss the coffee treat from my friend.” You chuckled, lightening up the mood with him considering that he’s your soulmate.

“There’s a bus stop nearby,” Yoongi suggested, until he realized where you are located, “You can’t go out through the front door, this is an all-boys dormitory.”

“Can’t I just teleport back? I don’t know think of me back in Bu—“

All it took was a blink, and you found yourself in the confines of your dorm room. The room you are in right is much warmer than his back in Daegu as you spotted Mijin still sleeping soundly on her bed, black ink scribbles littered her forearm as you thought of how unique their connection is to their soulmate.

While you have the coolest one yet; Teleporting.

You can’t help but think of Yoongi, he was all too adorable in the shirt a bit bigger than his. As if you could already see the squint of his eyes and his nose scrunch from disturbing him in his sleep— oh . . .

“I was about to fall back asleep,” He was on your bed, right beside you. His face adorned the same features you found adorable when you can’t help but lean in to give him a kiss on his cheek before returning him back to Daegu.

Even your subconscious was astonished at your confidence to give him a kiss right then and there, never establishing a label on your relationship yet even if you’re each other’s soulmate and yet you’re taking it way too quickly.

“Okay, you’re far too annoying to become my soulmate.” He groaned after he teleports from his own room to your dorm room way too many times in just a minute, and you were having fun to test out if that’s how your connection works with him.

He suddenly reached for your hand within your blanket, figuring that he won’t go nowhere when he’s physically touching you.

It would be a lie if you deny that your heart’s racing when you feel his skin, cheeks burning hot as he kept on interlacing his fingers with yours when you attempt to get rid of him by thinking of him back in Daegu and back in his room. Yet your thoughts were futile as he only stares at you, and you were too shy to face him after taking advantage of this ability. Bet I deserved this flustering state after the shit I pulled with the kiss on his cheek.

A gasp caught both of your attention, glancing behind him to see Mijin wide eyed at Yoongi. “What is a guy doing in here?!”

“I— He’s my soulmate.” You explain as he leaned onto you, whispering about bringing him back into his room while letting go of your hand. Your heart nearly deflates at his action, teleporting him to Daegu again. He’s gone faster than Mijin could blink. “Uh, teleportation.”

“That’s fucking cool,” Mijin drawled in response, “I—I never meant to scare him away, you know.”

“I know.” You try to refrain from thinking about him again, afraid that Yoongi might become upset with you and your antics. “He’s Min Yoongi from Daegu.” Your mind’s a wonder at not bringing him back into your dorm again at this moment.

“Quite far, but at least you won’t even struggle in a long distance relationship.” She chuckled before standing up from her bed.

“I’m glad that you found your soulmate.”

“Me too.” You meekly reply before she invites you for breakfast.

Was I too harsh?, Yoongi immediately thought of your crestfallen face after he requested you to bring him back to his own room, in a blink and he was back in the comfort of his bed and yet he felt the lingering loneliness for the first time in his room. So this is how it feels like, he thought as he lies back on his bed with a hand propped behind his head.

He never meant to upset you when he urged to go back, or even when you kept him teleporting from one place to another as he grew dizzy, nauseous from travelling beyond the time. He refrains himself from needing your presence to explain himself as you’re probably busy with your dorm mate, though he didn’t catch her name.

But there’s a part of him deep within that’s hoping for you to think of him, so that he’d at least play it off cool and avoid all the awkward confrontation he’s planning to say. However, five minutes have already gone by and he was sure that you didn’t want to talk to him at this moment.

Or maybe she has morning classes to attend . . .  

And he left you at the back of his mind for the meantime, not wanting to cause an incident that might hinder you from focusing on your classes today as he, too, starts his day preparing a hefty breakfast before going to one of his class lecture on 1:00 PM.

Meanwhile, you’ve already received the coffee treat from Jimin in the morning, stumbling upon the same café you and Mijin went to as he immediately purchased a drink for you and him.

“Thank you!” You replied before he rushes off the shop to get to the lecture hall before getting late. Thankfully yours and Mijin’s schedule starts on 9:00 AM, still leaving half an hour to spend freely with her. She immediately filled you in stories of what happened after you left yesterday, the thought of your soulmate disappearing for awhile as you immerse yourself into her talking.

It’s not that you’re upset at him or anything, you dearly missed his presence after finishing all your classes for the day. You also wondered if he got to finish his classes today as you can see the evidence of the opened books lying on his desk when you observed his room earlier in the morning, assuming that he might be a music major.

Surprisingly, you still haven’t brought his presence into the room yet when your mind’s lingering of any stuff you can vividly remember in his room, carefully not to think of him and his face. The essence of lavender wafted through your dorm room when Mijin turned the diffuser on when she got back. And now that she’s off to meet Jungkook again, you were left alone with your laptop open to seek for a new movie to spend the night with.

You were in the middle of bunching up the pillows on your bed when you found yourself holding Yoongi’s pillow instead, you were back in Daegu again.

“I’m sorry I made you upset I— no wait,” And then you heard another ‘tsk’ from him as he was fidgeting on his feet, never knowing that he accidentally brought you into his room again as you only stare at his back facing you. “ ______, I’m sorry about earli— what are you doing here?”

His mouth was agape when he suddenly turned around to find you on his bed, again.

You averted your eyes from his, looking around the room as you meekly replied, “I should be the one asking that. . .” There was a pregnant silence between the two of you while Yoongi seemed to be recollecting the words he has been trying to memorize before you came too early. Damn these thoughts, he internally groaned as he started to speak.

“I’m sorry about earlier— er, I’m not really good at meeting new people, most especially if they raise their voice at me the first time.” He admitted, his eyes found burning a hole on the flooring of his room.

You raised your brows at him, “Pretty sure that’s what I did to you earlier in the morning.”

“Well, you’re an exception; you’re my soulmate.” Even that word made you both flustered at the realization that, well, you’re meant for each other.

You bit your bottom lip, sneakily glancing at him as you found him doing the same, “Oh . . . it’s okay, you know, about earlier.” Your voice was fading inaudibly, word from word, finding the courage to look at him.

“Shall I bring you back to your dorm room?” He kindly asked you, until you remember what you were about to do tonight.

With the newfound courage within you, you invited him, “Perhaps you want to join me binge-watching on Netflix? If you’re not busy or anything, but if you are it’s fi—“

“Sure.” He gave you a small smile, enough to make your stomach tingle at how he looks oh-so-adorable with the unruly, dark hair of his. You can nearly associate him with a feline creature, minus the fluffy ear and tail.

“Are you sure that’s your only intention of doing tonight with me?” He joked all of the sudden. But instead of a giggle from you, all he received was his pillow chucked right onto his head.

Bullseye.

feedback is very much appreciated! thank you for reading this!

heartbreak suites.

Let’s chat. The last couple of weeks have been really tough both emotionally and mentally. I am unsure why it began, but for some reason, the last two weeks have just been a rollercoaster of nostalgia and reminiscing. I’m talking full on trips down the very dark corners of memory lane. I honestly cannot pinpoint what started it but I think dreams is a big part of it. For some reason I am living in the past in my dreams right now. Literally anyone from my past that I no longer speak to has been appearing regularly. Sometimes I just see them, other times I am back in the point of history when we were friends or close, or other times it’s in the present but we are still as close as we always were. It’s made me sad, and it’s made me miss people. I wonder if some feelings, thoughts, emotions and memories that are usually packed and archived away in the back of my memory have all been brought to the forefront due to conversations in therapy. Of course talking about being bullied, sexuality and abandonment bring up a lot of feelings and a hell of a lot of memories. I find myself wondering about people I haven’t seen for up to ten years and wondering if they ever think about me, or I ever even find my way into their memory even slightly. I find myself thinking about people who were just passing friendships and wondering where they are, what they are doing and whether they ever think of all the good times we had. I think a lot of high school. I think of the person I was then and the people I knew. I will never forget or not miss high school. They really were some of the best times of my life, before people needed to start seriously thinking about their future, before everything stopped being a joke or just fun. I miss those days so very much. I miss those people. I feel so incredibly lucky to still have my very best friend from those days, but I certainly miss a lot of the guys that were my best friends back then. One of them really fucked me over and turned into someone I never thought they would – yet for some reason, they are one of the main ones from that time who constantly pops into my head. I found myself searching for him online the other day out of morbid curiosity. He never really had an online presence even back then, so I didn’t expect to find him – and I didn’t. I did find his girlfriend though, an ex-best friend who fucked me over at the same time. Oddly there is no love lost with her. She doesn’t pop into my dreams, I don’t think about her and it is not a friendship that I have ever wished to rebuild. She showed her true colours and as much as it broke me at the time, I moved on, and I was better for it. I saw a picture of the two of them and I didn’t really have any feelings. I mean, I do not have any ‘real’ feelings towards this guy anymore, it’s more that feeling of longing for the friendship you had. I sometimes find myself wondering what it would be like to bump into each other and say ‘hi’ and just do that thing that your parents do when you are younger and they see someone they ‘used to know’. That brief little chat about each other’s lives and then you go on about your daily life without another thought. I find that hard. I find it hard to just go on. I am not naïve enough to believe that if I ever saw him again we could be friends or we would be how we used to be, but regardless, it is as though that fantasy lives on in my head and I miss the friendship – a lot. Another friend from that time and I tried to stay in touch for a while. It was a little rocky at first and then things seemed to be going quite well until I sent a message one Christmas and never got a response – despite them wanting me to tell them when I was home and we could meet up. I felt hurt. It was another one of those ties to my high school friends and memories that had been cut off. For some reason the other day I had this urge to message them. They are someone else who doesn’t really use social media (I guess we are all growing up and realising just how bad social media is for your mental health), so I sent him a message on WhatsApp to the last number I ever had for him. I knew it was a long shot because he was always changing his number and when the message only sent with one tick, I realised that that connection was gone too. I have no way to contact him, and maybe that was the message I needed that I shouldn’t, and that friendship had also ended completely, or he would have given me his new number when he got one. I guess it was a learning curve, once again, something I should have accepted long ago. I don’t even know what I wanted or thought I would get from that reconnection, but I think part of it really was the feeling of losing all my links to that time of my life. Perhaps that sounds ridiculous, I guess it does, but it’s my honest thoughts at this moment in time.

Inevitably looking for one-person online leads to that very large black hole of searching for everyone and anything you’ve ever known. Everyone is having babies, like everyone. I cannot deal with it. It makes me feel so old and I don’t want to feel old. Getting old is one of my biggest fears, and I completely agree that that sounds absolutely ridiculous as there is nothing at all that can be done to stop it, but it really is. Time passing by keeps me up at night. Aging is what leaves me with panic attacks and anxiety and provides me with a constant sense of worry. I sometimes get this feeling that everyone else is where they are supposed to be in life and I am not, and then I have long conversations with my therapist about how there is no ‘where you are supposed to be’ – this is something that is different for everyone. Everyone has different hopes and dreams. Everyone has different achievements and things they want to do, but what if you don’t know? What if you have no idea what you want from anything? Does anyone really know? Do I know where I want to be or what I want to be doing in ten years’ time? No, I don’t think I do. I don’t think I know where I want to be this time next year and I’m trying my very best to not be so hard on myself about it – but it’s so incredibly hard.

I have spent an awful lot of time over the last few weeks listening to old playlists. Old playlists that really are full of delicate memories. Someone once made me a playlist but deleted it. I screenshotted the whole thing so that I could remake the playlist. I did it right away, and I still listen to it now – although not too often as I usually find myself spiralling and getting incredibly upset. This week was one of those weeks when I listened to it anyway. The lyrics to so many of those songs still ring true in my head, and if I am honest, I cannot listen to any of them without thinking of the person who made that playlist. I check on them perhaps more often than I should, yet I do it anyway and then berate myself for doing so. Not only is it not healthy but I also feel like I shouldn’t care… yet I do. I find myself drifting off and thinking about them even when listening to songs that were not even out when we knew each other. ‘Someone I used to know’ – saying those words still feels rather painful. I feel like some people in life are able to just replace people with other people, but this is something that I have not only never been able to do, but also something I wouldn’t want to do either. People are their own people and I cannot just replace one with another. For me, it doesn’t work like that. The person in question has a rough week coming up, and I really hope that they have people around them to provide the support and comfort that they need and I guess what I used to at least try my best to provide.

I’m still struggling with the person that decided to ‘ghost’ me at the end of last year too. Why do they continuously appear in my thoughts? I knew them for less than six months yet for some reason they created such a huge impact on me and my life. That hurts too. Not having closure is something that has been a constant throughout my life with various people and telling someone that and then literally never hearing from them again says much more about them than it does me. Of course, this is something else that has been much discussed in therapy and my therapist certainly put things into perspective for me and made me realise that this person was indeed not someone I should want in my life. However, despite completely agreeing and understanding, for some reason my mind does not want to accept that people can be so cold and callus. Clearly, here we are again, another lesson learned. At the end of the day, most people are pretty shit and the more and more I begin to fully accept this, the more and more closed off I feel myself becoming which is also not incredibly good nor healthy. I guess I need that happy balance, whatever that may be.

All in all, I miss a lot of people. Some more than others. Some extreme amounts and some only slightly. The world and life are so peculiar to me. Why do people need to come and go in the way that they do? This is something that I genuinely do not think I will ever understand or be able to appreciate for what it is. I guess at the end of the day I must appreciate those in my life who have always been there and don’t decide to leave or disappear into the ether. I have always wished for a big group of friends. For people who love me and love spending time with me. People who share my interests and have lots of things in common with me. I think I always hoped that one day I would have that. As I get older, I find myself having to come to terms with the fact that this is something I am never going to have. This is not something that was written in the stars for me. I will never be that cool, pretty person in a large group of friends who all love and appreciate each other in the same amounts. I will always be the one of the peripheral wishing for more but never being cool enough, confident enough or pretty enough to be part of that. I have no idea how to dress well, I can’t do make-up for shit, my hair isn’t perfect, and my skin isn’t flawless. I’m not polished nor perfect. I think I really need to accept my place in society. I was never supposed to be one of those girls who everyone liked or loved. I was always supposed to be the unextraordinary girl that no one really thought about or wished to get close to. I feel myself needing to retreat back to the girl I was in primary school when as much as I felt lost and confused as to why I was bullied and never wanted, I knew my place. I knew not to try to climb out of the square that I had been put it. I knew my lot, and I knew not to question it.

[Blog title: Heartbreak Suites - Lucy Spraggan].

𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞

Personally, every day I grow more and more disappointed with the masses of humanity and people with a large portion of power within society. More than ever it’s become so prominent just how people putting financial gain ahead of the well-being of others during the current global crisis we are currently living through is so utterly, disgustingly evil. I’ve noticed that how the world runs and the lack of attention to grave issues regarding the prosperity of nature and humans in general is very unfortunately dominated by billionaires and other capitalists, all with disgustingly little regard for any decency pertaining to morality or the greater good. If they can’t gain from it, they simply don’t care. They are more concerned about their economic status, gain, and the economy itself than the things that have real value when it comes to the betterment of our Earth and its people.

To be specific, right off the bat we have Jeff Bezos. He is THE richest man on the planet. The average person spending one measly dollar is equivalent to Jeff Bezos spending 1.2 million dollars. Adding to this, he roughly makes well over $2,000 every second. He is 36% richer than the entire British Monarchy (or than at least what we know the British Monarchy has). And what does he do with this tremendous amount of wealth? The absolute bare minimum. The only thing he himself has recently done was contribute a small donation of $100 million toward US food banks. Of course, any donation counts, but in this man’s case that’s just like a regular person donating less than 90 dollars: easy and not impressive considering just how wealthy he really is. What’s more, amidst the vast struggling within anyone below upper-class, him along with countless other selfish men are profiting from this. Just within the last couple MONTHS Jeff Bezos has gained 24 billion dollars. Yet, funding issues still remain, healthcare is overflowing, and the working class is suffering. And guess what! Just a few days ago he was announced to be well on his way to becoming the world’s first ever TRILLIONAIRE. I don’t know about you, but trillionaires should absolutely not exist on this planet whatsoever. There are too many injustices to be able to hoard that much money for yourself.

Rich people and even governments are fighting to reopen businesses and the conventional running of day-to-day life solely for the sake of ‘saving the economy’ and their profits. They don’t care about the well-being and safety of others. Minorities and the most vulnerable within society aren’t profitable to them, therefore they don’t exist as something that requires their attention or consideration. They have the privilege to do such incredible things with the wealth they have acquired—but they don’t. They stand by inhumane working conditions within their own companies. They silently watch people struggle and die within the situations they help to ensure. They choose to use their positions of power to prey on and assault others and get away with it. These figures of ‘authority’ do all they can to make it look like workers are being brave for stepping up during these times but do absolutely nothing to ease their material conditions. Oh, wait, the minimum wage was just upped by four whole dollars. That’s definitely going to help protect them from the novel coronavirus and put more food on the table, that’s so kind of them for their generous consideration.

Sorry for the heavy tangent on capitalism, but as of late rich people have been exceedingly getting on my nerves in ways I genuinely cannot describe.

However that aside, I’ve ALSO noticed changes in how humanity tries to bring itself together in a way! In my case, a lot of the bands I like have been providing (pre-recorded from past performances) concerts available to livestream on YouTube and various other insider-personal takes on their music. Those have been really fun; it’s usually on designated Thursdays and Fridays and I have to be awake for 10 am when a concert starts, we (me by myself) go to town for like 3 hours, then I go downstairs to have lunch. Or, a few weeks ago this other group had a 3-day-long (again, pre-recorded) livestream (that started at 11 pm this time) and I ended up staying up till around 3 am with my friend. I had a light stick from when I actually went to their concert in 2018, I was able to sync it up through their app and it probably looked like a low-key rave was going on from the cars passing by. Very good times.

From a non-personal standpoint, I recall seeing videos of people on their balconies in Italy coming out and singing and playing instruments together as a neighbourhood. That was very nice to see, but it’s also worth keeping in mind that is one of the best-case scenario situations and those people were lucky enough to indulge in something like that so nonchalantly. Not to say enjoying yourself isn’t allowed, but it should be acknowledged that just looking at lockdown like that is romanticizing the whole of what’s really going on, as it’s not that glamourous for everybody.

It’s been interesting seeing how people interact with others during their adjusted daily lives, too. I’ll go on walks sometimes and me and my friends will take turns sitting at the end of each other’s driveways and ‘hang out’ like we (well not really) would before. Adding on to human interaction, I’ve seen videos of people handing out packages of things like masks and hand sanitizer to people on the street, or leaving things out for delivery people, quite thoughtful, and maybe one could say even creative, things.

Living the life as you can see (I’m sitting on the grass)

Overall, when all is said and done, in my opinion, I think everything would be much better if the people who are in charge and dictate things A) weren’t painstakingly dense and simple minded—Angela Merkel and her policies would be a great example for countries like England and the US to take notes from; B) genuinely cared about their citizens and not just money and themselves; and C) properly absorbed science and legitimate medical advice and guidelines. Sadly, a lot of people, as you may be able to have tell, are very easily influenced and follow quite blindly *cough* ingesting cleaning products *cough*. But, fortunately that’s only a small portion of the population.

Conversely, this also goes to show other like-minded regular people, in a better light, become closer and stand in solidarity for what they know is best for them and the well-beings of others. Because the majority of us are all in the exact same situation doing the exact same thing, I feel like we can gain a better understanding and deeper familiarity with those around us. And this is really specific, but I think it’s cool how we now get to see some ‘famous people’ (right off the top of my head Doja Cat, Bernie Sanders and Taylor Swift are some examples) just livestreaming or posting themselves existing in their homes and generally having a good time. You wouldn’t get to see that part of their lives too much before. I think I’ve mentioned them over 50,000 times on this blog already, but the other day the band One Ok Rock (whose song I did on the guitar) released an upload of them recreating one of their old music videos while all the members are individually self-isolating.

(Joke explained, the original title of the song is 「完全感覚Dreamer」 (Kanzen Kankaku Dreamer), but they changed it to「完全在宅Dreamer」 (Kanzen Zaitaku Dreamer); the original kankaku means ‘feeling’ or ‘intuition’, and the new zaitaku means ‘staying at home’.)

Above all, it’s difficult to decide whether this has either brought out the best or worst of humanity. I think it’s really subjective to your status and mindset that you had in the first place and what you were dealing with before all this. Adding onto that, we know how the news likes to focus on the negative the most. There are good people in this world, and grouping them together with those who think haircuts are a human right and aggressively protesting in large crowds is a good idea isn’t really fair to them.

As for myself, I haven’t noticed anything prominent come out of myself. The best I can do and what I’ve been doing right now is just following official medical guidelines, keeping distance and not go into super crowded areas, and simply wait for what happens next while staying informed. Nothing outstanding.

Here’s someone’s hot take on the subject matter as well, as much as this is 100% valid I strongly believe it’s worth acknowledging even the smallest good things happening from this too.

Save Relationship From Divorce and Create Love in the home

One point is clear: You will find no problem relationships. There are fluctuations in Atlanta divorce attorneys' romantic relationships. And despite what Hollywood shall sell you, nobody in this real-life feels adored in term and take action or satisfied each day. But three common elements arrive over and over among those people who have endured "the responsibility and warmth of your day" and eliminated on to conserving their relationship from divorce. get more bits of help www.amywaterman.org

A spiritually-centered dedication to saving a relationship from a divorce that continues despite arguments, denial, and pain, and is constantly on the last through modifications and stresses.

Sharing moments, however rare, when there is personal and romantic posting, and the struggle seems worthwhile. (This may mean an individual sense of religious well-being whilst the partner seems unappreciative or unresponsive.)

Conserving your relationship takes a determination to devote some time and energy to make it happen. This can indicate radical changes and persistence.

I'll use three real-life good examples to emphasize this last point.

The first example is of a few "unequally yoked," both already have been divorced and the existing relationship was looking just like a repeat failure. The wife has been a training Christian all her life. Her spouse was religiously indifferent. She was informed and achieved. He was qualified, high-incomed. Conserving their marriage didn't look possible.

After his conversion to Christianity, and even after many years of active involvement in their congregation, the husband had come to a stark realization: He pretended to provide his wife everything but had skipped giving himself to her. For the very first time in his life, he acknowledged that he resided his life as a loner, an extremely self-centered man. They didn't genuinely have a romantic relationship. He was just walking through the movements along with his wife rather than cherishing her. He said, "To save lots of my relationship today rather than await another divorce I solved to place her in the center of my very occupied life." He started demonstrating little delicate means of affection-a notice, an impression, a telephone call showing her that she was important to him. From that instant things transformed. Their separation finished and a fresh romantic relationship opened up. Even their grown-up children now can sense a tangible love between them.

Example #2: Let's read to the way the wife described their relationship in the current fast-paced work-a-day world: "It used to be that if John occupied a seat inside our home, he was either dealing with the inspections at the start of the month, counseling or hearing someone on the telephone, eating, sound asleep or impatiently "wasting his time" viewing a Television program I insisted he could enjoy. Our occasions of "together-time" were so fleeting, and usually captured on the lifeless run, if not physically emotionally. The love we had for one another was felt and often expressed but seldom really enjoyed. " Are additionally you looking for a few ways of conserving your relationship?

Then a medical condition arose that held the John home in an extended convalescence. "That disease helped save our relationship from divorce. Since his disease, we have shared wonderful occasions. I've sat all night by the medial side of his bed or seat, and there is no dependence on us to speak. We've felt collectively a serenity and companionship that can't be sandwiched into a few silent occasions of frantically planned lives. I've seen John keep our little child for extended periods in perfect serenity and pleasure. I've seen our child absorb her father's new kind of love and reciprocate in kind. Our family relationships took on a fresh depth because we've been able to tell each other not only more encounters but more understanding. I now believe with continuing work we can save our relationship today."

To "save my relationship today" you can't await such an emergency and discover this type of beauty. Or must you be driving at night "Save Relationship From Divorce" indicators along to street before you make yourself acknowledge the conditions that provide back the relationship into your daily life?

Taking care of protecting your relationship is to understand please remember why you have married, to begin with.

Going back example, the wife was struggling as to the reasons her marital romantic relationship had not been working. Then she arrived to understand that she was informing her spouse that she cherished him BUT that he previously to improve this or that to become suitable. In effect she was stating, 'I love you, dear, but I cannot accept your activities.'" She understood that was developing as a rejection of him.

She realized that "to save lots of my marriage today I had formed to keep in mind the love I felt once I married him. I needed to be in a position to say, 'I love you, and I accept you when you are, actions and everything.'" But she'd have to feel what she was stating. She comprehended she already was stating all the right things and carrying out all the right activities. But there is lurking resentment in her center for most of his disruptions. She understood she experienced to produce a change in her center and it could not be easy.

Over time of being focused on conserving your marriage, you might be in a position to say as she did: "To my joy I came across I actually could accept my hubby, actions and everything. I suddenly recognized how a lot more important he was than anything he was doing. On that day our relationship and our marriage started to change. No more were we ensnared in the safe relationship from divorce stress setting and stress that got strained our romantic relationship even further. He now experienced my love and basked in its warmness. He calmed down and became my most appreciated partner. I had been overwhelmed with what I used to be witnessing. And he was conquered by the changes he sensed in me." Are you set to set up your time and effort to conserving your marriage?

Hard-headed, thwarted, alienated spouses may believe that unconditional love is a scam. Certainly, it will require a commitment to save lots of a broken romantic relationship and conserving your relationship. But I want to suggest now three results to unconditional love in the house.

First, you should have the pleasure of seeing your partner are more and more a person of greatness. Which are the tale of Johnny Lingo? In the whole story, a lady who was simply considered simple by all who understood her (including her dad) became an "eight-cow female" of beauty. She became an eight-cow girl only once she found that was how her man experienced about her. It had been his love, how much he cared, that created the wonder in her that nobody else could see. It could appear crazy but it holds that love is as well as spiritually changing. And it can save your valuable relationship as well. Who hasn't seen how love for a face generates love in a face, and what sort of caring face becomes a lovable face, eliciting the think it’s great bestows? Let me again ask, do you want to put in your time and effort to conserving your marriage?

Just about everyone has seen that bickering and arguing will subtract from and weaken the relationship in the relationship. Playing methods, nagging, "sending back again the harm I receive," pleading, denial, chilly make distance, playing hard to get-these do not save a relationship from divorce but instead make great strides backward in the rely upon the relationship.

Therefore the second outcome to the unconditional love that helps you to save marriage from divorce is that whenever you give unconditional love, even in the existence of bitterness and abuse-when you come back a glance filled with daggers with a glance filled with love-eventually if your lover is sensitive, they'll want to provide the same back. In the long run, such positive reciprocation will enrich you as well as your romantic relationship and work to conserving your relationship. Over the long term, it is hard to be looked after and not treated in return. The producing connection will be higher than the amount of every person only might have been. In these situations, one and something is a lot more than two. Who can say how whether yet another kind phrase could save a relationship from divorce?

In lots of troubled marriages, there is certainly contention, confrontation, insufficient trust, hurt feelings, jangled nerves, little compassion no desire to improve or forgive. Could it be easier to quit than to help make the effort to conserving your relationship from divorce?

So, the 3rd result of unconditional like to look for is peacefulness. Serenity will come in your romantic relationship when you come back no bad if you are kind in the existence of cruelty if you are patient regardless of the existence of impatience. This tranquility gets rid of sadness and sorrow. And it gets rid of the most powerful self-deception: It is all "his"/"her" problem. Each day tells yourself, "EASILY want to save lots of my relationship today, I shall seek peace."

Most of us haven't any long-range eyesight in a lot of our struggle. We think only of the moment-this time, this accepted place, this circumstance, to save lots of my relationship today! But if we want to save a relationship from divorce we should temper our short-term reactions and think long term, wanting to:

see our partner as an "eight-cow" person of greatness;

to provide and receive unconditional love; and

to consider peace.

Anyone can count number the seeds within an apple, but who can count number the apples in a seed? Exactly what will derive from your commitment to conserving your marriage?

What matters is exactly what takes place in your house as well as your spirit. If you're devoted to saving your relationship, you must begin from within yourself and think about those areas talked about in this specific article that connect with you, your romantic relationship with your partner as well as your dedication to conserving your relationship today and every day.

Submission tagged Coffee Addict

It’s okay if it takes a while for a reply I think I just need to vent. I’m off my meds (they made me so anxious and nauseous it was awful) and I haven’t seen my psych in months. My mom had a psychotic episode and went missing for five days only to show up naked at a neighbor’s. She’d already been unfairly sanctioned less than two months before so she refused to go back to the mental facility and–surprise–that’s where I went too. So she didn’t trust them anymore and I had to say goodbye to my mental health care after missing my last two appts for the same reason. I wasn’t mad at first. My last conversation with my psych was normal–he upped by dose, asked about seeing/hearing things, the usual. I was only on anti-psychotics nothing for anxiety and I was trying to see if he’d give me something and I was about to leave when I remembered ‘oh yeah, hey doc, I really want to gouge my eyes out sometimes. It’s so strong sometimes I just feel my eyeballs to figure out how I’d do it’ and I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. I’d had the feeling for almost a year itd come and go and I obvs hadnt done anything yet. He made me get my mom (before the sanctioning incident) and sat her down with me to explain to her about the eye thing. Apparently its not that uncommon and with my family’s mental history and my own psychosis he wanted to make sure someone knew to get me help if I needed to go to the hospital. He asked me about mirrors bc schizophrenics who want to gouge out their eyes are normally also scared of mirrors and my mom was in the room and I didn’t want to admit that I think they’re a portal to another dimension. So I havent seen him since and i really miss him we didnt have long together but he genuinely listened to and believed me and I really think I just need that now. My family situation is so screwed up we couldn’t afford the meds even if we could afford the appts. With my meds gone my anxiety is normal again but the depression is back and Ive honestly come close to ending it three times in the past 3-4months. I just feel adrift. Im seeing stuff as always and hearing things but ive just gone back to ignoring everything like I used to instead of taking notes for my psych. the eye thing has gotten better and when I do feel the urge it isnt as strong as it was on abilify. rispirdome made my psychosis worse and now I think the abiify was too. I wouldnt mind going back on abilify as long as i had something for anxiety and ive already made up my mind if i ever get to see a psych again ill tell them exactly that. i dont want to stop seeing and hearing things tho if you can believe it. when my depression went away i felt lost but when my visions faded? i felt like i lost an arm. or my eyes. i was there to get a diagnosis for just what my psychosis was and now i feel like ill never find out whats wrong with me. i get tactile visual and auditory things, the eye thing was the only delusion i told him about. the relationship was very new and i didnt want to reveal how crazy i was just yet. now ill never get the chance. i just feel so alone and i dont know what to do with myself. at least im not disassociating 24/7 anymore.

Hi lovely,

I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with anxiety and psychosis, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I think it’s great that you have reached out for help though, that’s such a positive step towards recovery! Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a little advice to make things a bit easier for you. 

I am not a professional, so cannot diagnose you in any way, but there are a couple of things I want to point out. Firstly, hallucinations can be caused by many things, such as a side effect of medication, a lack of sleep and nutrition, and of course mental illness. You mention that you struggle with anxiety - anxiety can cause psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations, so there is the possibility that you are not struggling with psychosis, just a severe anxiety disorder. I really recommend that you go to your doctor about this, as they will be able to discuss properly with you the possible causes and treatments for what you are experiencing. The other things is concerning your medication - because everybody’s bodies work differently, medication can be really tricky, because one medication will not work the same for lots of people. This means that it can take a lot of trial and error before you find a medication which is right and effective for you; there are many different medications that you can try that your body will likely react better to. Again, this is something to discuss with your doctor, and remember that it may take a while before you find the best course of treatment, but there will be something you can try that will work better for you - please don’t give up!

Something that may help you to separate your hallucinations from your daily life, is journaling. You could write about your hallucinations in as much detail as you wanted so then you have a permanent and clear picture of your hallucinations. You could also try writing only about the things you know are real; this could help you to keep a clearer idea of what is real and what is a hallucination and may make recognising the hallucinations easier. Anything that can help you stay more in touch with reality is really useful, so along with journaling, it might be useful for you to keep some grounding techniques in mind that you could use whenever you are beginning to hallucinate. We have a page about grounding techniques here; I would recommend something physical like running your hands under ice cold water or counting out the change in your purse, or even something like jumping up and down on the spot. Grounding techniques help to bring your focus away from the hallucination and back to reality. Is this something you feel like you could try? I am also going to link you to our self-help and calming pages about anxiety. These pages have some great tips about dealing with anxious thoughts.

You are not alone or crazy, lovely! It is completely normal to not want your hallucinations to go away - our symptoms become such big parts of our lives, that losing them can be really hard; just try to remember that them going means that you are getting better, and you always come first! Mental illness does definitely not mean you are crazy, it just means that you are struggling right now - but you can get help and live a happy and successful life. Is it possible for you to begin seeing your therapist again? If not, and if money is a concern for you, maybe web counselling would be a helpful and affordable option?

I hope this has been of some help to you, lovely. Please remember that we are always here for you, so don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else we can help you with! 

Please take care,

Rhiann xo

ItaHina Analyzed

Alrighty, so with the successful turnout of the Sasuhina analysis, I thought I might try it again only this time I’m going to take a look at Itachi and Hinata.

The same rules apply as before:

-You're not inclined to read this at all

- If you like NH, or pro Konoha this is not for you

-Know that it's up to you how you take it, I'm putting my analysis on here so take it or leave it it's up to you.

Right so let's not waste any more time and get to talking about Itachi first. He's. Been. Damaged. Legit eight ways to Sunday, Itachi Uchiha has been damaged emotionally, psychologically, and even physically if you'd like to include his illness. Why? Well for starters he was given a very very bad hand since the beginning. He was born into a clan that has suffered an extended period of prejudice and isolationism from the very village that they live in. So day one, already messed up. Then there's his childhood, he's grown up doing a very turbulent time where children as young as 5(might be older or younger) were given outlandishly high expectations. He joined the black ops at a young age, was taught to kill, at a young age, and was looked at and judged at a young age. I cannot harp that enough because childhood is where you lay the foundation for your life, and already his foundation isn't the greatest. Fast forward a couple years and now he's a big brother, great! Or was it? Granted he loved Sasuke unconditionally without a question, but he was also starting to learn and realize just how fucked up of a situation he’s (and I guess you could also say the Uchiha clan) truly in and it adds weight. Remember Itachi may be the badass that he is, but he's still human. He still will feel the weight and burdens that were placed on him at the time, and honestly being that he was basically threatened on top of the compromising situation, he could deal with it much longer. Choosing poison is never a good solution but in Itachi's case that's all that was left anyway he'd try to spin it, nothing good would result from it. Hence why Shisui told him he was “gentle”(more on that soon).

Now for those that haven't read my SH analysis I talked about Hinata's faults being that she's been given the “you tried” star all her life throughout canon. But I also talked about how she’s not so quick to judge someone because of what’s presented in front of her. As I mentioned before, she’s a listener but not just because of her stereotyped personality, but because she’s knows what it feels like to not be validated. Her father never paid her any attention, and to the rest of her clan she was just the heiress. The only one (for a time at least) who she could talk to was her little sister and even then, this was the same sister who was better than her in combat and Kurenai. So she always internalized everything quietly and went about her day being “quiet.” living a rather speak when spoken to only, type life. Her problem wasn’t a lack of a backbone, instead it was the lack of a maturing backbone. She would get that one step forward. . .  and that's about it, remain stagnant, plateaued, did not get better.

Now then, how do these people make a good ship? Allow me to explain. Itachi, for one is older ergo the maturity factor is there, he’s not a total edge lord like his little brother however he does have his flaws. He killed a girl he cared a great about(I won’t say loved because it’s debatable),he has some pretty deeply rooted wounds about what he’s done and honestly he hasn’t had the time to properly grieve. If you send in Hinata, such a chain reaction may happen and here’s why. Hinata, in a abstract way actually mirrors some of the same traits as Itachi. It’s extremely crazy I know but hear me out and check this out:

In his final hour Shisui called Itachi “gentle.”. Now this could be taken as “you’re weak.” or “you’re really kind.” I'm putting my towards the second option because it fits better to the story and to Itachi’s true character. He was in tears when Shisui died, he cried with Sasuke, he cried before he killed his parents and even shed a tear after he left Konoha. He’s not a cold hearted killer compared to let’s use Madara for example. People like Madara may feel bad and lament over what they have done but would have rationalized it as “doing it for the greater good or that it had to be done.” not Itachi. He’s a very compassionate person, and at that same coin he’s also sensitive. He wanted peace but was stuck between a rock and a very hard place thanks to a village that failed him and his clan.

How in the hell does Hinata mirror this?

Well simple, it’s in her very character. She wasn’t a genius like Neji and Hanabi, hell they beat her. Yet, you see her trying regardless even though her father belittles her daily, she still tried to protect Naruto even though she knew she had 0 chance of winning. Winning isn’t necessary the point in her case, because winning has a negative connotation attached. Think about it, Neji was partially fine with Hinata dying if it meant he beat her during the chunin exams (he almost had her going into cardiac arrest fam) and when you see the flashback of Hanabi and Hinata fighting, these are small children at around age 4 to 7(I’m estimating) and they are being trained to just beat each other up. Yes Hinata had to learn but what would be the point if she would hurt her little sister? She cares about her, as she did with Neji. She knows what is expect of her as a shinobi, however she could possibly choose not to hurt the ones she cares about. I mean if she had Neji’s mentality or even Hanabi’s, her fighting style would be a total 180 of itself. Her personality screams gentleness, and compassion in more than just a trope like fashion.

Now let these two individuals meet and it would be an interesting affair indeed. Naturally Itachi would be the one to initiate things first, probably starting with small things like saying good morning as they pass by or just making small talk but nothing extreme at first. Hinata wouldn’t be ridiculously shy about meeting and talking with Itachi but her natural nervousness would kick in and Itachi may even find that low key cute.

How these two would bond would be rather interesting in that, the more comfortable Hinata would get with Itachi, the more it would prompt the “opening up” process to begin. Granted, much like SasuHina it will not happen overnight, it’s going to take a lot of time and effort. More so on Itachi’s part due to the fact that he wears his emotions on his sleeves and yet at the same time will build a wall to keep you out. Remember Itachi’s basically at this point in his life scarred to the point of being traumatized by the idea of intimacy all over again. He’s seen first hand what tragedy looks like with someone you care about and it’s not pretty. So while he may bond with Hinata and they may get along, he will also shut her out to keep her from getting too close. Ergo Hinata would respect this and give him his space and not try to clingy or pester him, because she’s patient. Also, the one thing that Kishi actually did somewhat(keyword somewhat) right was give her make her one of those characters that likes another person beyond their appearances. She didn’t care that Naruto was orphaned and alone, she looked passed that. She would do the same with Itachi or anyone really, because she not quick to judge or speculate. With these two, there’s a similar theme of beauty(being Hinata) and the beast(being Itachi) without all the stockholm syndrome and everything else that makes the Disney version bad. It’s the idea of mercy with these two come to mind, because Itachi’s not necessary “innocent” and he knows this, he fucked up big time and probably knew that no one should forgive them in their right mind. However Hinata, with the proper time would be able forgive him properly and not in a way that's like: “I’ll forgive you for killing your clan because you’re hella fine.” No, it would take some doing from both parties but in the right light these two would be able to create a harmony that’s truly beautiful.

Not to mention, Itachi’s true personality would be able to come back. He could go back to being happy, because we only see his happiness show up when he was with Sasuke or Shisui or the people he genuinely cared about. After a while he was basically forced to throw his old self in the trash because there was literally no use for such a personality in the Akatsuki. With someone like Hinata at his side it would come back tenfold because that again is someone he’s genuinely invested in and on the Uchiha spectrum of male protectors Itachi is the type of protector that will tear someone to shreds if they even lay a finger on his SO but would expect them to be able handle themselves as well. He is no white night(in a romantic regard).

Well to wrap everything up here’s the rundown: Itahina is all about that mercy and compassion. As with SasuHina, the patient Hinata is able to mold well with the emotionally damaged Itachi. It would take some time and a lot more effort on Itachi’s because he has to learn how to let intimacy back into his life after all the tragedy that has happen to him, but Hinata (believe it or not) is capable of helping him heal.

This one was a bit more lengthy than the SH analysis but I hope it was a good read if you read all of the way to end.

2/22/16

"You're not annoying. You're not a burden. You never were. You make my heart stop and a smile spread across my face when I see you down the hallway. You make my eyes and soul light up when you look at me. Your body entrances me. I have a lot of feelings for you. And I can't let you go. I just don't want to be done. I want you laying on my chest again. I want you smiling at me. I want your soft words and your body next to mine when I wake up in the morning. I crave conversation with you. I just don't know how to start or how to begin. I messed up today. And I'm really, really sorry. If i could have done things different I would have. I hope that I'll hear from you soon, because you haven't left my mind. I'm done letting people dictate my decisions. Here's me letting my heart decide. I hope you come back." For some reason I was looking through my notes on my phone, and I found this little note from 2/22/16, from you. It really amazes me how far we've come since this day lastyear in unison, yet how the fire and passion between us has only gotten stronger. Today lastyear you were only the really incredible senior boy who I stared at in orchestra and longed just to walk passed in the hallway to maybe catch your eye for a split second, because just a split second of your attention made my heart flutter for hours. We'd already known of eachother for about 10 months, and had been communicating for about 8 of them, however rarely in person. Until one night in February of lastyear I listened to my gut and went for it, I went to your house to stay the night. This wasn't the first time we had been together in his house, but maybe the third or fourth, the previous times being in June the year before. But this time it wasn't just because he saw me on twitter and we messaged eachother, it wasn't because he was fresh out of a toxic relationship and wanted game again for the first time in almost 2 years, it wasn't because of anything of the sort. It was because we had been longing to see eachother ever since those June days, whether we could admit it or not. After the night I slept at his house, he stopped talking to me for a bit, and left me utterly confused and lonely, prompting me to send a long text asking if I was a burden or annoying, and if I should just leave him alone and pursue somebody else, in hopes that he'd send the response that he did. He's always been such a loving person, and even if he wasn't ready to commit to me, he told me his true feelings and where his heart was. Though there were multiple times between this text and May 3rd where I didn't see him in my future because of his uncertainties and want for something else, I still believe this text, and many on the same night were the spark that led to the intense love between us. Since we started dating, there hasn't been a single day I've been genuinely sad, nor have I ever gone to sleep upset or malcontent. He wakes up everyday loving me, and I the same. The love is weightless, effortless, and completely fulfilling. It was clear from the beginning that he was the one, yet everyday he proves more and more that God has truly intended for us to be together. He is not my missing puzzle piece, he's not the person who perfectly compliments all my lacking aspects with triumphant strengths, he's not the person who disagrees with me and adds balance to my opinions, he isn't the guy who's there to do all the things I cannot. He is the same puzzle piece as me, he has the same strengths as me, the same ideas and opinions, the same character and qualities as me, he perfectly mirrors me as a loving double who is there to make me unbelievably happy for eternity. We have the same jealous traits that we both equally appreciate coming from the other, we have the same appetite, the same laziness, the same motivations, the same maturity, the same faith, everything. I couldn't have conjured a better specimen to spend the rest of my life and eternity with. Not only has he made me the happiest girl ever, but he's been the medicine to my health inadequacies, the remedy to all my pains and mental struggles. Before him, I weighed between a range of 110 to 130. I suffered with intense Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Depression, and a minor case of Bulemia. At one point I went 3 weeks without eating, I'd skip food for other day long stretches, and binge eat the following day. I'd be sitting in class and my teacher would ask me a simple yes or no question about the classwork and it'd send me into a downward spiral, increasing my heartrate to what felt like 100 beats per second, my lungs would slowly shrink and cease to allow air to leave them, I'd irrationally begin to shake and cry, all while thinking to myself, "why are you doing this?? Stop!" Since I've been with Isaac, I can count the amount of times I've cried in class, I can count the amount of times I've forgotten to eat, I can count the amount of times I've stopped breathing. I weigh 145 pounds. I bring snacks to school, and get dressed and do my hair & makeup everyday. I go into school happy and ready to talk to my friends. I do my homework on time. I geta good night's sleep more than once a week. I can go a week without taking a xanax and passing out. You don't realize how amazing it is to have all these luxeries until they're taken away by a toxic entity who put you down everyday and amplified your conditions to the millionth degree. But because of him they're minute, almost gone, they rarely reveal themselves. You wouldn't be able to tell from looking at me that I haven't eaten nor slept in weeks and am on the verge of tears. The most amazing part of all of this, is he met me when I was at my worst. Panic attacks were almost daily, me complaining about every aspect of my life was a ritual, me crying over my life and refusing to eat and clinging to every bit of attention I got. He met me when all of this was at it's height. When I'd call him at 3 am bawling my eyes out begging him to just talk to me even though I barely knew him. But he did talk to me. He listened to me and helped me more than anyone in my life did. He accepted every problem I had and somehow still became increasingly attracted to me and somewhere in there fell in love with me. The anxiety ridden 115 pound girl who hated everything and didn't know what the hell was going on half the time. He saw a part of me that I didn't even see, nobody did. And since then, that part of me has become, me. I am happy every single day. He tells me he loves me atleast 100 times a day. He tells me I'm beautiful and how lucky he is atleast another 50 times a day. He tells me about our future, and how even if everything went wrong he'd still do everything he could to keep a roof over my head and socks on my feet, he tells me he'd love me until the end of time, throughout eternity, and that he'd hold me in his arms in the face of God and thank Him for blessing him with me. We are so perfect for eachother that none of this is even in question. He goes out of his way just to make me happy or make sure I am okay. He rubs my back to help me fall asleep, he kisses my forehead to wake me up, he gets me flowers, he greets me everytime with a warm hello followed by hugs and kisses. He takes pictures of me because he thinks I'm cute. He buys me little things that he knows would make me happy. I've never seen a man love a girl as much as he loves me, and I love him back so much as well. I couldn't ask for a better person to lay in bed with all day, to laugh with, to do my makeup infront of, to shower with, to eat every meal with, to brush my teeth with, to make love with, to run errands with, to go on roadtrips with, to think about our future with. Theres nobody that could ever or will ever compare to him. He is the only thing that matters. It doesn't matter what a single person says or thinks, he doesn't care, and I sure as hell don't either. We are madly in love and nothing will ever change that in any way. So I guess this is just one way of me saying thank you for falling in love with me, atleast a little bit, on this day last year. Thank you for inviting me over and loving me though it was probably wrong at the time. Thank you for making that sensual eye contact from across every room we were in together, thank you for messaging me that June, thank you for not caring where I had been before you, thank you for accepting me and believing in me no matter what, thank you for persuing me and giving me that chance, thank you for being the greatest, most loving, caring, genuine, and perfect person to me. Thank you for sharing so many firsts and so many other great and uncomparable moments with me. Thank you for changing my view of love, thank you for helping me physically and mentally. Thank you for every little thing you do. Thank you for making me your only one, and thank you for choosing me to follow you throughout eternity. (Unedited)~11:13 pm To my love

10 Unbelievable Facts About SEO 2019

The good SEO strategy is your own first step towards developing a good online relationship with your clients. Our six experts discuss their favorite SEO tips in addition to tactics for building big targeted traffic in 2018. Yes, all of us know it's still June plus we know it's only 2018 but if you haven't began planning and researching key styles which will affect you SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION in 2019 you could currently be falling behind. We furthermore take a look at exactly how new technologies like AI plus Voice search will begin in order to impact more on SEO since we move nearer to 2019 and beyond. Whenever every nation across the entire world is busy in making their particular due contribution within the growth sector in their own method by taking the route associated with SEO service and online advertising, Singapore cannot stop stand nevertheless in one point. By 2019, articles marketing is set to turn out to be an industry worth $300 billion dollars. 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Sanctuary Puku Ridge

Alec was my transfer man and guide (I use 'guide' in the loosest term here!) to take me to my next stop, Sanctuary Retreats Puku Ridge. The journey was meant to be a sort of game drive... It definitely wasn't, Ferrari Safari strikes again! Driving hell for leather over the bumpy tracks gave me flash backs of my late night transfer down the new road to Chindeni. Thankfully this time I could see a bit more with it being daylight. Game flew past us, for fear of they're own lives I would imagine with the speed we were going at. Up and down round bend after bend. We passed a heard of elephant by the river, giving them a fright and disturbing them from they're midday snooze. We eventually emerged out of the maze of tracks within the bush to open plains. Dead morpani trees dotted the landscape having succumbed to the needs of elephant chomping their way through them. Zebra appeared in the distance, along with herds of Impala silhouetted the horizon. Alec pointed out a group of buildings on the nearby hill, this was Chichele, another one of Sanctuary Retreats lodges. This used to be owned by one of the presidents of Zambia, so is quite grand for what used to be a Zambian styled house. Just below Chichele, on the other side of the hill lies Puku Ridge, a more rustic chique bush camp. The idea is that guests have a few nights at the hotel type luxury of Chichele and then hop over to Puku Ridge to experience something a bit more closer to the bush. As I said, Rustic chique is what I would describe Puku Ridge. The location of this underestimated camp is just amazing. You arrive above the main area and take a few flights of steps down where you can hear and then see a small flow of water creating a feature element at the front of the communal area. Baring right, you come to the bar and relaxing area, very spacious and beautiful. This all looks out onto its very own Savannah. Well, when the rains come, it transforms into a huge lagoon, come June/July the land takes a different turn; the bush grass dies back, the tamarin trees loose their leaves, and the pods become the equivalent of biscuits for elephants. The lagoon changes into a mini Savannah, teaming with wildlife. When I arrived it was beginning to turn. There were zebra, Impala and elephant all milling around in the distance. On some occasions Puku Ridge has had,elephant come and drink from the water feature at the front of the lodge. I was so hoping they would come and do that for me... They didn't. I was welcomed by the wonderful Evidence. Such a cool guy. He went though his welcoming shpeel and I was then shown my room. The furthest possible room on the camp, which I thought was a bit ridiculous considering there was only myself and one other guest in a 6 tented camp. I will admit, I didn't sleep very well that night because of this. There was a lot of creaking and squeaking in my room which made my imagination go wild, topped off with the alarm barks from baboon, lions roaring and hyena howling. Usually I don't mind these noises, but the fact I knew I was at the furthest point in camp, made me a tiny bit nervous. The room was beautiful though; stunning huge queen sized bed, adorned with the necessary mosquito net - my legs have taken a proper beating from these mozzies! An outside shower, a huge bath and a neat deck area equipped with a day bed. Bliss. I met back at 3.30 for a spot of tea on the extension deck of the main area. Beautifully laid out tea and cakes - I'm having to stay off the cakes at tea time as well as elevenses, I feel and most probably look like I have eaten another human being! I met Klaus, the only other guest. A lovely German guy, who had a serious passion for photography. I mean his camera was huge! He had extra rests that he could attach to the poles on the game truck so he could get more purchase to put his extra large camera on to snap a photo. Bit over the top if you ask me, but he there was no doubt about it, he really loved his photography. The game drive began, very sedate. We spotted a group of kudu just outside camp and then came across a group of baboon who were being very vocal and trying to impress a lone female. We then spotted the lilac breasted roller, Botswana's national bird. I finally managed to see why it is called a roller too. To attract a mate, the male bird circles higher and higher and higher, he then begins to free fall, at the very last minute opening his wings and rocking or rolling side to side to display the blue underside of his wings and his lilac chest. All to show off. The landscape around Puku Ridge is up there with my love for the area around Sausage Tree. It's beautiful. Not a huge fan of the close set thickets where you can't see anything, I know come August it would have mostly cleared, but it makes me feel claustrophobic. We then came across a male lion just waking up from snoozing under a bush. We watched him do his daily ablutions before he got up, stretched, and started wandering off towards the river. We followed him for a while, he had not a care in the world there was a vehicle following him. He was very chilled. Every couple of metres he would stop to mark his territory, he was doing the rounds of ensuring others knew this was his patch and no one else's. We then decided to leave him to his own business as he sauntered off into the distance. The sun was beginning to set when we reached the top of the Puku hill. In front of us were a giraffe and a couple of elephant browsing in the trees. We turned round a bend and there was the most wonderful sight. Lanterns adorned the edge of a clearing, along with a small table with delicious nibbles and an array of different types of drinks. To top it off there was already a pre poured glass of 'leopard juice' or champagne to you and I! Evidence called it leopard juice as it apparently gives you the ability to see leopard... I'll let you know if we did or not later...! It was such a gorgeous sight, with the sun just going down in the distance and the colours of the sky a mix of oranges, purples and pinks. Any minute now I was almost expecting Elton John to walk round the corner along with the cast of the lion king. I mean if I was going to have any complaints that would be the only thing, otherwise, hands down, this was the best sundowner I have had yet. After we had had a gossip about questions guides get from guests who have no clue about African wildlife - one being, do giraffe hunt in packs......? We climbed back into the truck and went out in search of night life. It's fair to say, Evidence had been telling the truth about leopard juice, because sure enough, 10 minutes into the drive we bumped into one as we turned a corner. A beautiful young female leopard, walking directly at us and straight past our vehicle. She was on a mission for food, so we watched her for a few more minutes until she vanished into the bush on the hunt. We arrived back at camp and in the distance could hear hyena howling. The one animal I so want to see, but haven't yet. Heard them plenty of times, but haven't laid eyes on one yet. Quick turn around in my room and then came back for a candle lit supper which was all laid out on the deck, under the Tamarin trees. For starters I had mushroom soup, main course was such a delicious beef and butternut puréed mash with vegetables wrapped in spinach leaves. Finishing off with cheese. Like honestly, I am the size of a house. I seem to be eating every 2 or 3 hours, it's getting far toooo much!!! Retiring to my far far away room after supper, I decided to have a bath in the huge tub. I got distracted and forgot to add cold water, so it got really full and there was no room to add cold. Damn. I couldn't even remove the plug because it was too hot! So I had this awesome full bath, equipped with bubbles and salts, but I couldn't get in it! God darn it! So I had to make do with a shower. As I said earlier, I didn't sleep too well that night. The room and my mind were playing tricks on me. Outside Lions were going nuts, hyena were practically in my room and the bloody baboons would not shut up! Ahem... Such first world problems. Well, actually it is when you're getting up at 5.30! Knock knock. Good morning. Excellent, tea had arrived! Night time terrors all forgotten about, I sat like lady muck in my queen sized bed drinking my roibus tea, watching the colours change outside as the sun began to emerge. Bags packed - again - I arrived on the main deck for breakfast with the sun just peeping its head above the trees in the distance. Stunningly presented breakfast, as always, granolas, continental ham and cheese, yoghurt and even peanut butter! Oh, and to top it off, just as I was saying my goodbyes, Evidence spotted a Hyena running off in the distance! I finally saw one, albeit from quite far away, but beggars can't be choosers. I met Levies who would be transferring me on a game drive to my next port of call, Robin Popes Tena Tena tented camp. It was a great drive over. Very fresh, I layered up and we saw all sorts of different animals. Ground hornbills, elephant, Impala, hippo, even coming across Hyena tracks. We then turned right handed down a smaller road and what should be lying slap bang in the middle of it, were a pack of 8 wild dog. Even better still, they weren't just lying around being inactive, they were properly playing. They're just typical dogs really, well obviously! Why would you expect anything less. But there's something quite cool about the painted dogs though. One of the bitches was clearly on heat as she was being palloidered relentlessly by a few of the dogs... She was definitely playing hard to get, the little tease! I genuinely cannot believe how lucky I have been with game viewing. Seriously spoilt. Some people come to Africa several times and barely see a giraffe, then there's me whose seen almost all the animals I have ever wanted to see. This kind of thing never happens and I am so happy I've totally lucked out!