wednesday, march 13th 2024

i think one of the best things to come out of my PhD (so far) is that i am learning to embrace finitude, and focusing more on the aspects of "what did i learn from this" instead of dwelling on getting a great grade. let me explain.

let's say i was taking this intro to neural engineering class in undergrad, where these hard as hell MATLAB assignments were due like once a month. i would be literally shitting a brick about trying to get it right, staying up late and compromising my health for the assignment, and then stressing like crazy over the grade. for it to all, subsequently and eventually, end up being fine and not the end of the world.

now, as a 1st year PhD student, in this exact position of having a hard as hell assignment that i kind of just figured out as i go, i'm not even trippin. like, i'm probably going to get half credit and i'm genuinely fine with that. why? because I: 1) embraced finitude of knowing that it's just not going to get done and 2) am celebrating the fact that I even learned the concepts to get half credit.

this...is a big mental shift that i'm really trying to cherish, because it took soooo long for me to get here. i also realize that i'm able to have this change in attitude now because undergrad is over, and for a PhD program, grades don't really matter as long as you meet the requirements to stay in your program. in undergrad, you're aiming for good grades because you want to have access to the next goal (job, internship, or grad school). but my god, is this such a RELIEVING mindset shift.

6.27.2018. Wednesday

If you’ve followed me for a while, you probably know that last year one of my eardrums collapsed onto my last remaining middle ear bone, making me clinically deaf in my right year. Today, I went into the audiologists to try on a cochlear bone anchorage aid, and, after 8 years of having some sort of hearing loss, it was the closest I’ve ever been to an out of body experience. I could hear my doctor tap a soft folder. I could hear the soft whoosh of the door closing. It was echo-y, and not as in tune as the real deal, but it was a step forward in the process. Even those of you that have followed me diligently won’ t know that I have also been established as the secretary of the Disability and Inclusion Awareness Executive board for this next year, and while I have always been an advocate for those who are disabled to be included as they should be, it wasn’t as real for me before I became deaf in that ear. I guess what I’m trying to say is that while this is a medical blog, and I don’t have it nearly as bad as others do, this deafness and this eventual hearing aid are still a big part of me. I’m still learning to adapt, and once I get the aid, I’ll have to adapt to the way people may look at me. I may not post about it as much as I do my other, less trivial issues, and I want to make clear that it’s not because of a lack of a problem with it, but instead is because it’s not something that I have ever or ever want to believe can hinder me from being what I’m made to be, which is a physician. And I want to be certain that none of my followers ever believe that a physical (or mental!) disability can stop them with enough effort and support.

As always, love yourself, love others, and be kind.

-Omi

09.06.18 2 terms of ib has passed and wow has it been a ride. term 2 was full of stress (especially in the last 4 weeks – everyone seemed perpetually stressed) but i survived! now it's june holidays which means studying for mid-years which start once we come back to school (sigh) but here are some notes from term 2 for now 🌥

[08.27.17] 1:18AM

maybe sleeping is a better idea compared to thinking too much and lamenting over way too old weekly bujo spreads.

pencyls 100 days of productivity, day 14 

two weeks into this challenge, woop woop! I took my political science test today, and it was so worth being prepared for! I think I did so much better than I did last time, we’ll see on friday though. but in the meantime, I have a stat analysis test tomorrow too. I haven’t had as much time to prepare, even though I feel like the material isn’t horrible. I hope everyone is having a great week! 

16092017 Didn't make honey cupcakes in the end but I did make oatmeal topped with muesli, digestives and honeycomb. Working on an assignment inspired by one of my favorite graphic novels, The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye. It faced a lot of funding issues when it was being published, so I'm using that as a springboard to hopefully discuss the structure and control of government agencies here. Once I'm done cleaning up this draft I need to plow through some readings and then try and finish laying out a photobook. Happy weekend!

..hi sorry it's been awhile *dodges tomatoes* butt here's a recent (last week's) spread :D we only have 1 week of holidays left I can't believe a month went by so fast omg :o butbutbut remember to stay healthy okk don't get sick during the first week of school like I always do :3 -yeni

31.5.17 // A new trimester is coming, meaning new students for me to mentor... YAY! Currently updating the look of my introduction page and I’m loving the direction I’m heading in! On another note, went to the city yesterday to get my car serviced and took mother for a girls day out! 

04/20/17 Today's post was supposed to be a book for a class, but since my classes ended last week, I am posting my current (re)read! Today I've been for a run, had a delicious breakfast, and I'm headed to the basement to go through and entire years worth of art! Wish me luck!

[ 18.06.17 ] studyblrs aren't perfect. the photos on here are often edited to look better. any pretty note you see is often the result of hours of work, often just rewriting a perfectly fine, albeit somewhat messy, note. and my god, please don't be under the impression that no one else makes mistakes. the pictures above show my real work (right) and the same picture, but very heavily edited (left). not only are they the same picture, but the answer is very wrong, and i'd be lying if i didn't say i didn't get frustrated and cry on my notebook. i get it, it's so easy to compare yourself to the other people in the studyblr community, who appear to have their life together, be all around perfect. but that isn't true, all you're doing is setting yourself up for failure. if i'm being completely honest, i made the prettiest physics notes. i rewrote a bunch of perfectly fine ones taken in class, because i didn't want that colour, and i went through and wrote all the definitions, all the formulas, drew all the diagrams, i could find in the textbook. all that effort and i still failed. i'd be lying if i said that didn't cause me to fall into a. depressive rut but when it all comes down to it, it was 100% my fault for prioritizing having aesthetic notes over actually studying and doing practice problems.

february 10, 2017

finishing work in the library before the weekend!

monday, march 11th 2024

spring break came and went in the blink of an eye, but it was lots of fun! met up with friends from HS, went to disneyland, and spent time with my family. I also still did some work over break that was time sensitive, but I can't really complain :)

its officially past the halfway point of the semester and i can see the finish line. ahhhh. i also realize i need to start studying more for my classes because things are getting more complex... BUT WE WILL SURVIVE

follow my studygram if you want a more frequent, up close in my daily academic life - IG: lexthephdstudent

4.23.2017, Sunday

It’s been a great weekend!! Yesterday was prom, which was lovely but since I have mono I didn’t stay very long. Going to bed at 11 pm versus 1 am was a great idea though because I had to be up at 8 to go to work. The church has new sermon times now; we’re now down to two services instead of three, and I’m only working one of them now instead of two, so I got to go home around 11:30 instead of 2 o’clock in the afternoon. At one, after I ate lunch, I set an alarm for 30 minutes and took a nap. When that alarm went off I set one for 15 more minutes and went back to sleep; when that one went off I turned it off completely and fell back asleep. Surprisingly, I didn’t wake up until 4 o’clock, which is a big deal for me, because I never take naps, but I feel amazing. Emily and I are supposed to Skype for the first time Saturday and I’m pretty excited. I have a list of homework that I need to get going on, but right now I’m content with finding a good playlist to listen to and cleaning my room.

-Naomi

03/04/17 bio notes on the nervous system and eyes from last week! mid-years are coming up in a month which means its time to start studying before everything piles up aHh

my new habit of studying at the library is going well, especially since the cafe there makes great coffee ٩( °͈ ᐡ °͈ )۶ 

j a n u a r y  2 0 1 7 : r e f l e c t i o n s

i . buddha said: "a jug fills drop by drop". trying to keep in mind this quote helped me so so much starting the year the right way!

ii . don't be harsh on yourself. change isn't something that occurs within days, and habits need to be formed. but keep some balance in your daily life. you can forgive yourself if you are too tired to tidy up your room before going to bed, but try to mantain the level of clutter low by doing small things when you feel like it!

iii . procrastination is something i have to deal with everyday. but i found out that when i just can't control my discipline, i just need someone else to do that for me! it works all the times.

iv . listen to your body. sometimes you just have to trust your instinct and your intuition. feel the moment and do what’s better for yourself.

v . when times are a little darker and you feel the winter blues, you need something to make your heart feel a little warmer. please, please, please, go and watch yuri on ice. please. just do it. it will make your life like 10000 times better. it saved me from winter depression. it saved me. just trust me. i don’t know how many tears of happiness i have cried because of yoi. go. and watch it.

vi . this month i realized one little thing. i have so so many mental schemes. and the majority of them are really bad for me and for my mental health and for my life in general. for example, when i wake up in the morning to go to school my brain decides that i have to feel stressed. and that i just can’t enjoy the morning. even if i don’t have any tests that day. when i realized it i started paying attention to what i feel and why, and decided that i wouldn’t have let my brain ruin every single morning! and it worked!!!

vii . at the end of the day write a done list. this has been one of the best thing for my happiness levels lately. list every single good thing that you did, even if it’s a small thing. and feel proud about it!!

viii . sometimes i just can’t get started with a specific task because i set goals that are too high and that scare me before i even start. if i tell myself that i’m going to revise all of my notes i can be sure that i won’t do it. but if i set the goal to revise for a limited space of time, or to just study some chapters, i don’t feel overwhelmed and eventually when i’m finished with the goal i have set, i’ll just keep on working!

ix . when i’m feeling really down or there’s something that bothers me, i know that the only thing i have to do is writing. i take out my journal and start scribbling what’s on my mind. i feel completely free and in touch with myself, to me writing is like a therapy. many times i got to understand a problem that i couldn’t solve... just by writing. sometimes dancing and singing to my favourite songs works as well. just try to find what’s an activity that has the power to calm you down or to make you see things more clearly, or something that can be an outburst for feelings you have been suppressing.

x . this month i learned that i. have. to. throw myself away and just do things. i have many ideas but i’m always too shy to do anything. but in these past weeks i tried really hard to escape the prison i have built for myself. i started interviewing some of my classmates and recording them as they talk, which is something that i wished to do for a long time. i made a group on a messaging app to talk about some more serious topics with them. i took all the courage i had and clearly expressed my feelings about some stuff to my best friend, and we are happier now. i went out of my comfort zone and experienced new things. even if i didn’t always feel perfectly comfortable, i tried to avoid panicking, and instead i took a deep breath and reminded myself that failing was always better than not doing anything at all!

xi . and last but not least, here is some of the music i’ve been listening to in january. enjoy!

agata