#fucking it folks!!! ship my ass back to the US!!
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One nerd's musing about Chinese religion and "respect"
-I try to stay away from fandom discourse, but, much like how you can smell the stench from a dumpster fire without walking into said dumpster fire, I've noticed something that seemed to come up a lot in western JTTW + adjacent fandoms: "respect Chinese religion".
-Usually as a reason for why you shouldn't ship a character, because of fucking course it's shipping discourse too.
-And my first reaction is "Man, you are taking Chinese religion too darn seriously, more than people who are born and raised in China."
-My second reaction is "I mean, most of us are atheist/agnostic by default anyways, with a good number of what I'd call 'atheist/agnostics with superstitions': people who said they were not religious, yet believed in Fengshui or divinations and burnt incense at temples for good luck."
-My third reaction: "But why do I get the feeling that when you mention 'Respect', you are thinking about something completely different?"
-Then I reread an essay from Anthony C. Yu, "Religion and Literature in China: The "Obscure Way" of Journey to the West", and the metaphorical lightbulb just lit up over my head.
(Everything below applies more to Daoism + associated folk religions, but by the time most classic Chinese vernacular novels were written, the blending of the three religions had become well and truly mainstream.)
(The conception of gods differs from dynasty to dynasty. What I'm describing here is mostly based on Ming and Qing ones; if you went back to Han or pre-Qin times, most of these would not apply.)
(I am one of the "atheist/agnostic by default" people. I just have an interest in this kind of stuff. I am also just one Chinese person, and an actual Daoist/Buddhist/Religion Studies researcher would probably have a lot more valuable information and perspective to offer when it comes to contemporary practices and worship. Like any people on the internet: take my words with a grain of salt.)
-Even in the past, when society was far less secularized, Chinese gods are not omniscient, perfect beings whose worship is a solemn, humorless affair. Some's worship are Serious Business, but that has more to do with the sort of gods they are and the patronage they enjoy, not godhood in and of itself.
-And even the ones that you are supposed to "treat seriously" are still very human. To use an analogy I've used plenty of times before: you respect and fear them in the same way you'd respect and fear an emperor's official, or the emperor himself, because if you don't, you are not gonna like the consequences.
-However, unlike Jesus, the emperor & his officials were capable of being temperamental, flawed, or an outright asshole, divine or not. Ideally, they wouldn't be, and if you were one of the "serious" believers——people who actually got an official permit, became ordained clergy, and went to live in a temple, you were unlikely to think of your gods in that manner.
-But it wasn't a complete, utter impossibility. The lower you go in the pantheon, the closer you get to popular religion, the less "serious" the gods and their worship become. By that, I mean general attitude, not sincerity of faith. You still shouldn't be rude to them, but, well, they are more likely to take a joke in stride, or participate in the "vulgar" pleasures of commoners because they weren't as bound to Confucian moral standards or religious disciplines.
-To stretch the same analogy further: you should still respect your village head, they could still give your ass a good spanking for being a disrespectful brat, but you were not obligated to get on your knees and kowtow to them like you would do in front of a provincial magistrate, the emperor's minister, or the emperor himself, nor did they have the power to chop your head off just because you were rude.
-On the other hand, the emperor would never visit a random peasant just to help them fix their broken plow or treat them to a nice meal, but your village head could, and your relationship would probably be warmer and a lot more personal as a result.
-Your respect for them was more likely to stem from the things they actually did for you and the village as a whole, instead of something owed to this distant, powerful authority you might never get to see in your lifetime, but could change its course with a single stroke of a brush.
-Now exchange "village head" for your run-of-the-mill Tudis and Chenghuangs and friendly neighborhood spirits (because yes, people worshipped yaoguais for the exact same reasons), emperor + his officials for the Celestial Bureaucracy, and you'd have a basic idea of how Chinese religions worked on the ground level.
-This is far from absolute: maybe your village head was a spiteful old bastard who loved bullying his juniors, maybe your regional magistrate was an honest, upright man who could enjoy a good drink and a good laugh, maybe the emperor was a lenient one and wouldn't chop your head off for petty offenses. But their general degree of power over you and the closeness of your relationships still apply.
-Complicating the matter further, some folk gods (like Wutong) were worshipped not because they brought blessings, but because they were the divine equivalent of gangsters running a protection racket: you basically bribed them with offerings so they'd leave you alone and not wreck your shit. Famous people who died violently and were posthumously deified often fell into this category——shockingly enough, Guan Yu used to be one such god!
-Yeah, kinda like how your average guy could become an official through the imperial examinations, so could humans become gods through posthumous worship, or cultivate themselves into immortals and Enlightened beings.
-Some immortals aren't qualified for, or interested in a position in the Celestial Bureaucracy——they are the equivalent of your hermits, your cloistered Daoist priests, your common literati who kept trying and failing the exams. But some do get a job offer and gladly take it.
-Anyways, back to my original point: that's why it's so absurd when people pull the "Respect Chinese Religion1!!1!" card and immediately follow up with "Would you do X to Jesus?"
-Um, there are a lot of things you can do with Chinese gods that I'm pretty sure you can't do with Jesus. Like worshipping him side by side with Buddha and Confucius (Lao Tzu). Or inviting him to possess you and drink copious amount of alcohol (Tang-ki mediums in SEA). Or genderbend him into a woman over the course of several centuries because folks just like that version of Jesus better (Guan Yin/Avalokitesvara).
-But most importantly, Chinese religions are kinda a "free market" where you could pick and choose between gods, based on their vicinity to you and how efficient they were at answering prayers. You respect them because they'll help you out, you aren't an asshole and know your manners, and pissing them off is a bad idea in general, not because they are some omnipotent, perfect beings who demand exclusive and total reverence.
-A lot of the worship was also, well, very "practical" and almost transactional in nature: leave offerings to Great Immortal Hu, and he doesn't steal your imperial seal while you aren't looking. Perform the rites right and meditate on a Thunder General's visage, and you can temporarily channel said deity's power. Get this talisman for your kids at Bixia Yuanjun's temple, and they'll be protected from smallpox.
-"Faith alone" or "Scripture alone" is seldom the reason people worship popular deities. Even the obsession with afterlife wasn't about the eternal destination of your soul, and more about reducing the potential duration of the prison sentence for you and your loved ones so you can move on faster and reincarnate into a better life.
-Also, there isn't a single "canon" of scriptures. Many popular gods don't show up in Daoist literature until much later. Daoist scriptures often came up with their own gigantic pantheons, full of gods no one had heard of prior to said book, or enjoyed no worship in temples whatsoever.
-In the same way famous dead people could become gods via worship, famous fictional characters could, too, become gods of folk religion——FSYY's pantheon was very influential on popular worship, but that doesn't mean you should take the novels as actual scriptures.
-Like, God-Demon novels are to orthodox Daoism/Buddhism what the Divine Comedy is to medieval Christian doctrines, except no priests had actually built a Church of Saint Beatrice, while Daoists did put FSYY characters into their temples. By their very nature, the worship that stemmed from these books is not on the same level of "seriousness" as, say, the Tiantai school of Buddhism and their veneration of the Lotus Sutra.
-At the risk of being guilty of the same insertion of Abrahamic religion where it doesn't belong: You don't cite Dante's Inferno in a theological debate, nor would any self-respecting pastor preach it to churchgoers on a Sunday.
-Similarly, you don't use JTTW or FSYY as your sole evidence for why something is "disrespectful to Chinese religion/tradition" when many practitioners of said religions won't treat them as anything more than fantasy novels.
-In fact, let's use Tripitaka as an example. The historical Xuanzang was an extraordinarily talented, faithful, and determined monk. In JTTW, he was a caricature of a Confucian scholar in a Buddhist kasaya and served the same narrative function as Princess Peach in a Mario game.
-Does the presence of satire alone make JTTW anti-Buddhist, or its religious allegories less poignant? I'd say no. Should you take it as seriously as actual Buddhist sutras, when the book didn't even take itself 100% seriously? Also no.
-To expand further on the idea of "seriousness": even outside of vernacular novels, practitioners are not beholden to a universal set of strict religious laws and taboos.
-Both Daoism and Buddhism had what we called "cloistered" and "non-cloistered" adherents; only the former needed to follow their religious laws and (usually) took a vow of celibacy.
-Certain paths of Daoist cultivation allow for alcohol and sexual activities (thanks @ruibaozha for the info), and some immortals, like Lv Dongbin, had a well-established "playboy" reputation in folklore.
-Though it was rarer for Buddhism and very misunderstood, esoteric variants of it did utilize sexual imageries and sex. And, again, most of the above would not apply if you weren't among the cloistered and ordained clergy.
-Furthermore, not even the worship of gods is mandatory! You could just be a Daoist who was really into internal alchemy, cultivating your body and mind in order to prolong your lifespan and, ideally, attain immortality.
-This idea of "respect" as…for a lack of better words, No Fun & R18 Stuff Allowed, you must treat all divinity with fearful reverence and put yourself completely at their mercy, is NOT the norm in Chinese religious traditions.
-There are different degrees and types of respect, and not every god is supposed to be treated like the Supreme Heavenly Emperor himself during an imperial ceremony; the gods are capable of cracking a joke, and so are we!
TL;DR: Religions are complicated, and you aren't respecting Chinese religions by acting like a stereotypical Puritan over popular Chinese deities and their fictional portrayals.
#chinese religion#chinese mythology#chinese folklore#fandom discourse#journey to the west#xiyouji#investiture of the gods#fengshen yanyi
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hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.
in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.
and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think
#🐌.txt#i just dropped off my shit at my friends moms place. now im going home to shower and clean my room.#then im going to get dinner and then go clubbing with my cousin#tomorrow I'll return my room and head down to taichung. and then just vibe. process everything. explore. im really nit expecting much.#i just know i have to keep seeing as much as i can til i leave. and then. fucking... 2 days at my friends moms place. and then. thats#fucking it folks!!! ship my ass back to the US!!
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You know, the more I think about it, the funnier I find the concept of Monkey D. Luffy /& Boa Hancock (especially paired with Aro-Ace spectrum Luffy and Aro-Ace spectrum Hancock) just for what it must look like from an outsider's POV.
For the record, personally, my favorite Luffy ship is Zoro/Luffy - also with Aro-Ace spectrum Luffy, that's basically non-negotiable for me, I don't care whether he's sex-favorable or sex-repulsed, but he's definitely ace. It is so funny to me to think about Luffy's incredible pull with aro-ace spectrum folks. People who once thought "sucks for you fuckers obsessed with sex and/or romance, I'm built different" (Roronoa Zoro, Koby, Trafalgar Law, Boa Hancock, Bartolomeo, etc.) find themselves fascinated by this little rubber man, who regularly declares war on the government and can swallow a roast chicken whole. Some of them are happier about this than others. Some of them WISH they just wanted to fuck or marry him, that would make more sense than this shit.
But, okay, back to Luffy and Hancock (as a friendship or queerplatonic situationship, whatever, doesn't matter). Like, let's pretend this is some kind of Modern College AU (Luffy is probably not IN college, tbh, he's just there to hang out with his friends and for any food anyone makes the mistake of leaving out). You are on your way to class and you see this woman walking down the street and she is - hands down - the Most Beautiful Woman In The World.
Super tall, with incredibly long, muscular legs in shockingly high red heels, a short skirt, artful cleavage, a waterfall of sleek black hair, beautiful face, striking makeup, gorgeous jewelry. Looks too old to be an undergrad student. She looks like if a martial artist became a supermodel. Walks like that too. The phrase "please step on me" comes to mind, but not to the lips, because that's sexual harassment, and also this woman looks like she could stab you through the heart with a kick and her shoe heel, killing you instantly.
She sees someone and her entire face lights up. She runs forward (how is she running in those shoes) squealing in excitement and embraces this guy you didn't even notice before, shouting about how much she missed him, and kisses him on the lips. He is... uh... three-quarters of her height at the tallest. A real Mr. Short King.
Wow, he has a babyface. And a scar on his cheek and on his chest, which you can see because he's wearing an open button-up, in eye-searing rainbow colors and decorated with monkeys, and jorts with fur at the cuffs. And mismatched flip-flops on the wrong feet. And a straw hat on a string around his neck. It looks like he hasn't brushed his hair today. It is impossible to judge his looks because his outfit is too distracting. Now the Most Beautiful Woman in the World is blushing bright pink as she clasps one of his hands in both of hers. Mr. Short King is using his other hand to pick his nose as she talks.
They walk hand in hand together over to where an incredibly expensive-looking bright red car is parked. Mr. Short King opens the driver's door for the Most Beautiful Woman and she apparently nearly swoons at this chivalry. She climbs into the driver's seat and he gets into the passenger's side (Luffy cannot legally drive and also cannot actually drive). They drive off together. What the fuck kind of Roger-and-Jessica-Rabbit-ass Sugar Mama relationship did you just witness?
Boa Hancock keeps a photograph of Luffy as her phone background and also on her desk at work. Everyone is always like, "Is that your... son?" And Hancock is like, "No, that's my number one choice of future fiancé! Isn't he sooooo handsome?" And people can only be like, "...Okay, but why are there police lights in the background? And something is on fire? It kind of looks like he's in the process of being arrested..." And Hancock responds dreamily, "They didn't catch him! He climbed into my exercise duffel bag and I carried him out."
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A lengthy ass-post about poly-shipping no one asked for
So I'm gonna go ahead and choose passive aggressive violence, in the form of an informative, lengthy as fuck post I think some folks need to read.
I won't be adding the post here, as I don't wish to direct potential harassment to the original poster (no matter how heinous I found a majority of the list), but if you're on twitter/"X", I'm sure you've seen a lengthy notepad list of RP "hot takes".
While I agreed with some of the points made, I feel it necessary to clarify some things, particularly about the points regarding polyamorous shipping.
If you don't want to read the blurb between here and the actual point list, just scroll down until you see green font.
Most know that I myself play a polyamorous character; I ship my character with other characters belonging to different players. I've been poly-ship for YEARS, so I feel I have some experience and can say some things about it.
Some points made in the "hot takes" list alluded to people using polyamorous shipping/multi-shipping as an excuse to just ERP and mess around with multiple people without consequence.
Sadly, yes, this does happen. It's unfortunate that selfish people only looking for specific things use it as an excuse for their behavior, but the only thing people can do is be aware of what to look out for when it comes to polyamorous shipping.
So rather than allow a negative light be painted on a valid means of shipping and roleplaying your characters in relationships, I think a quick lesson is needed.
Disclaimer: these are just my personal opinion on how I feel polyships should be handled, and some red flags I have seen during my time being a polyamorous OC player. By no means is this a rulebook, more like a guide so new and veteran roleplayers alike can be aware.
What a responsible poly-shipper will do:
Introduce you to their other partners - Communication is key in any relationship, this is not just for monogomous ships, but even moreso for polyamorous. A poly OC player will be open to introducing you to their other partners; while no one expects you to be best friends, it's good to be aware of just who else you'll possibly be regularly seeing around.
Share time and effort among your partners equally - A polycule relationship should be even across the board; one partner should not be treated better than the other. Treating one or more partners better than the other(s) is just a recipe for people getting hurt, both IC and OOC.
Be open and up front at the very beginning of IC interactions - A poly OC player will be up front and honest about the nature of their character if they have an interest in possibly shipping with you, or in case the possibility of it happening is there.
Encourage communication and prioritize problem-solving - This isn't just for poly ships, but ships in general. A good writing partner will encourage and WANT you to tell them about how you feel with the ship, especially if it's a problem with an easy solution.
Always make it known if they wish to bring another partner into the polycule & pose an introduction OOC - This is the most important part of being in a poly ship, making sure EVERYONE knows if there is someone new who will be joining the ship, and making introductions before a ship is made.
What a responsible poly ship player wouldn't/shouldn't do:
Hide the status of their ships - If your partner is hiding who they are shipping with from you, in my experience, this just means a person is going behind their partner's back (and is possibly cheating on them).
Brush off any possible issues you may be having with one of the partners in the ship - A responsible partner would aim to mediate the situation, and listen to all sides.
Discourage their poly partners from seeking other partners - Not every poly OC is monogomous with their poly partner, sometimes one poly OC will be shipped with another poly OC. Your partner would not expect you to drop your other ships to be with them while they continue their own, they should respect your decision to ship with your other partners.
Keep attempts to ship with other characters a secret - A responsible poly partner will make it known when they are attempting to or want to ship their OC with another as soon as intentions and wants are known. Not after a ship is already established.
Discourage those in the polycule ship from associating with each other - A partner in a healthy polycule would never discourage their partners from associating with each other; intentional separation more than likely is a means of hiding something, such as blatant favoritism, or even to keep ships a secret (in my experience).
Anyways I'll get off my soap box. I apologize for the lengthy post, but some things I've been seeing regarding this hot takes list were so blatantly heinous, I just felt like something should be said.
Have a good evening y'all; hug your pets, tell your friends you love them, and don't let jaded people online project their problems onto you.
Stay golden
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Athis wasn't really the person who seemed to be found of other humans. Eversince they got on the ship they were very helpful, kind, but quiet. Not the type humans usually are. Athis was not loud, although they liked to sing, and their voice was kind of nice to listen to, so no one had a problem with it.
They seemed to know a good variety of folk songs of a specific region on earth. Oftentimes the crew found her gazing out one of the windows of the cantina instead of talking to the other humans or the other members of the crew.
Not that they were specifically asocial or hostile. They were kind of nice to talk to. On rare occasions they even talked a lot.
I took the time to talk to them as often as possible. I liked them. I asked them about their life... She opened up slowly. One time we started talking about their home.
"Ah... Gaia is a cesspool... It has so many good things but god awful politics and the people... Fuck the people. Honesty they are so brainwashed. You'd think with the universe open to them they would finally let go of these silly things like... Them being weird about same sex relationships. Why? The whole ass universe is open to us, we literally see interspecies relationships but they get weirded out by two women holding hands? And your own relatives chew you out for not agreeing with them on politics. And the lack of spine people have there... No offense Xebie... they are awfully two faced." they seemed stressed as they hid their face in their palms.
"It really does sound horrible... I would understand if you'd never want to go back."
"Ah that's my biggest problem... I cannot tell you how much I hate it but also... I miss it. I wish to go home I want to see trees and flowers I know the name of, I want to sing toghether with people who know the songs of my region... I miss speaking the language of my mother. I really miss it. And the food is great and the people can be so nice. And the Sun is such a pretty star. The evening sky is prettier than any painting or photo of it... Oh and I love people. I hate my kind but I also love them. We go to war, we hate for such ridiculous things, I cannot stand how prejudiced we are. And even like that... People help each other for no personal gain, make art, write poetry that makes me cry, create songs that make me smile... I love that side of us". their face lit up with something I rarely seen in her. I didn't understand human expressions well enough to decode it, but my interpreter program recognised it as something between admiration and disgust... "What I really love that we are not all that different. Not even from the other species. But that doesn't mean we are great. I think humans, though strong, have a lot to learn from species like yours. You never had wars! How much more intreeging that is."
Athis smiled at me than shook their head. "I talk to much." they said as they covered their mouth. "I am so sorry."
"Oh don't worry about! It was intresting. And I think I understand your feelings a little bit. I had a friend who was very talented, but turned out to be a horrible person overall. It was a very confusing feeling." I replied.
Athis wasn't that different afterall. Soon I learned most humans on our ship seen Gaia similarly. Humans seemed to carry a type of guilt with themselves. Learning the history of their homeworld made me understand why.
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I know you probably don’t want to dwell on the show and the negative but I absolutely hate what has happened on here and how hateful people are in the VC fandom it’s just very demoralizing and makes me want to retreat from anything besides the books completely. The discourse was spicy before the show but everything is just even more divisive now and it has sucked the fun out of it. Not really an ask more of a vent sorry
Hi there!
You’re correct that I don’t particularly find it fun to dwell on the negative stuff – as you said yourself, SOMETIMES THE DISCOURSE SUCKS THE FUN OUT OF IT. But I do understand how you feel and I want to say a couple things and I hope this helps you find a groove.
First of all, I did my best not to acknowledge it too much because I didn’t want to validate the folks who were being cunts to me lol, but please know that this fandom (at least on Tumblr) has ALWAYS been kinda fucking violent towards me LOL. I started VC tumbling back in 2016 and it’s ALWAYS been a fucking trash fire. It is hard out there for Marius stans lmfao.
Like, when I was first posting on Tumblr and acclimating to the Tumblr culture it was so much of like, me feeling brave enough to share meta only for someone to be RB’ing me to tell me I’m wrong, or me talking about how much I liked something about Marius only for someone to vague me, or it was me hosting the huge fandom Discord back in 2017 only for people to then come on tumblr and complain about how the Discord was way too Marius Friendly as if like, a drama-free space where we can discuss the books makes it a harbor for predators.
Of course I also had the gaggle of fucking morons who were constantly stalking me, catfishing their way into my servers to try to take screenshots and write call outs and cancel me, who would not stop preaching about how “all these big blogs” are “actually such terrible people” because “look at the things they ship” even when I’d never been unkind to them, even occasionally donated to their GFMs. These are folks who think they’re morally in the right for protecting the virtue of Armand’s poor teenage asshole and executed this justice by stalking and harassing an ACTUAL PERSON LOL. Like, listen. I’m sorry to burst ur bubble, but Armand doesn’t exist. He’s letters on a paper. I’m actually a real person and you’re up my fucking ass because I don’t’ even fucking know why, you’re jealous of my fucking Tumblr engagement or something? Which one of us is actually the creep here lol?? Is this a race to the bottom to be the valedictorian of clown school on the website for homeschooled clowns?
I’ve also had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of acephobic discourse, being told I don’t do enough to protect every individual in fandom from their own bullies as if it's my job to do that, being called ableist for how I wrote Daniel in my fics even though I was projecting and discussing my own personal experiences – I’ve also had a project collaborator have a tantrum and try to steal my work until I had to threaten with legal action, I’ve been put on block lists, I’ve had many people consume my fics in secret without actually leaving comments because I’m too toxic for them to communicate with in public.
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
This was all before AMC showed up LMFAO. It was not easy for me! It’s still not always easy!
And so yeah like, by nature of the fandom EXPLODING we are going to see more drama. More people is more drama. The nature of the discourse often hedges into real life issues that people are very opinionated and passionate about and there are conflicting needs inside the same space about how to hold conversations. Even just the other day I RB’d a joke about Anne Rice and OP got upset with me because they didn’t want actual fans interacting with it. Whoops! I didn’t know! I just thought it was funny. ;.;
Even in good faith and with the best of intentions we’re going to step on each other’s toes, and we’re gonna find people we don’t vibe with. And that’s normal and it’s fine.
What ISN’T normal is this inability to disengage that I think we see often in online space, and I don’t want to get into a whole side essay about all the reasons why I think that happens. But sometimes you gotta be the bigger person and take it on the chin.
Like, yeah, it sucks. It sucks the fun out of the room when you share a space with such bitter people who can’t be kind to each other. But like. THAT’S A THEM PROBLEM, YOU KNOW? And I think we gotta remember that sometimes people like that do it for the attention or the spike of dopamine when they can pick a fight and honestly like, you don’t need to waste YOUR OWN time on it, but you’re also doing that person a kindness if you don’t enable the bad behavior.
And it sucks that Tumblr’s mute tools are awful!!!!! It would make navigating so much easier to be able to curate the dash a little better and keep the bad actors out of your space. I sometimes just fuck off and don’t even come online for days if I know I’m not in a good headspace and won’t have the strength to just fucking ignore it, because sometimes drama catches my eye and I get nosy and go down the rabbit hole, too – having ADHD makes it really hard to avoid sometimes LOL – but like I try to be reasonable and love myself enough to avoid it when I can help it. I’m not willing to make my own problems everyone else’s problem, and I hope that some of these shit starters in fandom will get there, themselves.
So yeah it blows when the vibes are fucking atrocious, and it REALLY blows when it’s a fandom this small where you can’t avoid it. Even when it’s a vocal minority it really just kills the fucking mood.
BUT WHAT I WILL SAY.
Whenever I say shit like “write what you want to read” and we’re talking about fanfic, or even meta or even silly headcanon posts or jokes, that also means draw what you want to see, it also means make what you want to hold, apply it to any creation you can think of. Put the thing you want to see into the world. And it counts for fandom, too.
I don’t want to be part of a fandom that’s constantly infighting and attacking people, so I don’t fight and attack people. I don’t want to be called a predator for being a Marius fan and so I don’t engage in posts that say as much, not even to argue, because I don’t want my followers (who might also be Marius fans!) to have to see that on their dash. I want us to protect our peace and create a space we want to be in.
Like I have a policy that any time someone says I’m a freak or any time I see truly godawful word salad discourse, I go out of my way to post something kinky and offputting about Marius LMFAOOOO because I want to be surrounded by reasonable fun people who share my sensibility for fiction. AND SOMETIMES IT’S CRICKETS, AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD TO FIND YOUR PEOPLE. But at the end of the day I know I’m being my most sincere self and I’m trying to have a good time and just post fun things that I enjoy. And like, the book fandom is small as fuck and we’re all famished, but I think if more of us did that, we’d build a much more productive and tolerant space.
And for all the shit I’ve mentioned, all the drama and attacks and all the times people have harassed me or tried to make me feel small, you know what? I just got back from @apoptoses & @cup-of-lixx 's wedding and they met in VCblr! We spent all week with our VCblr friends! We all went to New Orleans together last Halloween !
When I used to work on ships it was like a fandom friend world tour! I had so many coffees in port with my vampire friends!
I’ve learned so much about writing from all the time I’ve spent here and the community of writer friends who supported me! There’s folks I met on VCblr that I talk to LITERALLY every day! They are such huge parts of my life and genuine life-long friends!!!!!!
Sometimes it seems like the ROI is garbage but like, so much of finding the joy is also learning to protect yourself from the negativity.
It IS out there. It DOES suck. And it’s lonely when you haven’t found your people yet. But fandom doesn’t have to be the 500 angry assholes arguing with each other about a fucking TV show, it can be your 3 besties in a private group chat having a great time.
Like I just drove @hekateinhell to the airport (met THROUGH TUMBLR!) and on the way back I was listening to an episode of Last Day and they were discussing the concept that “community is a life raft” and it hit me so hard man!!!!!!!!!!!
Find your people! Block the shit starters! Mute discourse buzzwords that you know are going to upset you!
Keep! Posting! What! You! Want! To! See!!
Fandom is self-generating, we can do this!
My inbox is always open and BELIEVE ME I have been motherfucking persona non grata in this place before and I know how rancid the vibe can be so please come talk any time it's grinding you down, I got you!!!!!!!!!!!!
#fandom lolitics#also some more thoughts in the tags lol but#this also means LEAVE COMMENTS#not just on fics but like on art on HC posts on whatever#talk to people!#support each other!!!
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An Ode to The King, Briana Irene Matthews
When I say I love this character, I say it with my whole chest. I cannot begin to express the joy I experienced when one of my fellow educators passed me this book and said “I’ve got a fantasy book for you, and there is a black girl on the cover.” I am a child of The Neverending Story, Legend, Willow, etc (Google if you need to) and brown faces were few and far between, if there at all. There are so many things I admire and appreciate about Bree Bree and the power she holds can’t be understated.
*Spoilers Ahead so Exit Stage Left if You Need To*
Choices
In a story where choice has been hijacked for so many of our faves, I love the choice she makes at the end of Bloodmarked. To choose herself. I know there has been controversy regarding this but fuck all that, she said what she said. The fact that black girls need to be perfect and make decisions that are equally as perfect no matter what they are up against is absurd. That line of thinking has real world consequences. I love that she tried to consult with elders, those that came before her. She seemed to be following this implied protocol that did not bear the fruit she’d hoped for.
When she says, “I realize now why Jessie’s mantra to call root didn’t work for me.” She said, “Think of the power you possess and the woman who gave it to you.” I smile sadly, “I used to think that woman was my mother, and through her, you. Tried it her way and it didn’t work. Because you all didn’t give me my power.” I kneel to face the streams, thrust my hands into the earth from which they came.
“I did.”
This was a hell of a scene because she is finally shutting off the noise of the outside world, the distracting chatter blocking her self actualization. Arthur, the ancestors, the Legendborn, and choosing Bree. Much like she puts the broken pieces of Excalibur back together, she is in a sense doing the same for herself (pain welded blade). It even bears a deep purple stone in the pommel. The color meant to speak to this pain, this literal and figurative bruising and beating she has taken. In addition, the choice to go with Erebus and the uncertainty that hangs there was pure fearlessness. As her character sheet says, she is intrepid, bold. The way she is written, you just know it is in her soul. As Tracy says in her dedication, For every Black girl who was “the first.” Black is capitalized here, emphasized, because we are often demonized for making decisions or having experiences that those that came before may not have had the courage or opportunity to step into. The First. In Bree’s line everyone ran and she decided to stop running and turn to face the unknown, whatever may come with her chin up.
In addition to being a clever badass, I loved watching how she navigated her relationships with Nick and Sel. Again, another hot button topic where folks are clutching pearls and clenching ass cheeks. I am not interested in “ship wars” but what did catch my eye was the way Bree allowed herself to be loved on. The safety and soft intimacy she received and craved from Nick in a time where her world had been completely shattered was beautiful to read. “I’m impressed, despite my still racing heartbeat. How does he do it? How does this boy navigate my emotions like a seasoned sailor, finding the clear skies and bringing them closer, when all I seem able to do is hold fast to the storms?” He is patient with her. The way he speaks, comforting and protective. I love that she had this! The giddiness at that age of meeting someone that makes you dizzy in the best way. I love that Bree allowed herself to experience the respite Nick offered. That relationship represents the light in her, hearkens back to a simpler time.
I also think Bree enjoys the challenge Sel presents. Aside from him trying to kill her in the beginning (and being an all around asshole), she always seems to find interest in him (her shadow side). “He’s dressed in black, as always, but his long coat is gone. His tattoos are on full display below sleeves rolled at the elbow. They wind down his forearms and wrists, and I can’t help but study them. I wonder how far they go and how many he has before I remember that I detest him and shouldn’t care about his tattoos at all.”
Bree is fiery (quite literally) and finds herself drawn to the darkness and mystery of Sel. In truth, she likes to stir the pot. When Vaughn is giving her shit about being Nick’s page, she intentionally fucks with him. “But I’m not going to disappear. And I don’t want to keep my head down. Instead, I’m going to give Vaughn a glimpse of who I really am, and show him exactly who I’m not.”
She then throws the haymaker, “You’re a bigot and a bully, Scheafer. You insult me because you think you know what I am capable of, but you don’t. I must make you nervous, though, for you to expose your insecurities about your odds of success in the tournament.”
Long story short, Briana Irene is with the shits! How many times have you had to check in a loser such as Vaughn, who in all their mediocrity, thinks they are superior? I love that she essentially says, “aight then.”
I say all that to say that I like that she is feeling her feelings. She can acknowledge and accept the safety and easiness of Nick, while also reveling in the mystery and chaos of Sel. Those two desires can (and do) live in the same body. I love that this is confusing for her and she grapples with it because, what 16 year old wouldn’t! Low key/high key, folks my age would grapple with certain aspects of that but again, her choices.
Bree is supposed to be complicated. At times infuriating. I find it strange however, when folks don’t give her the space she has earned to develop. So many of us Black girls are not afforded this space. No room to grow, change our minds, or choose a different path. She is grappling with grief and grief is messy, complicated. The vessel in which she entered the world ceases to exist on the plane of the living and she is floating in the darkness and uncertainty of that. “Your anguish is wrapped around your very heart.” Not to mention navigating racism, sexism, supernatural beings, and understanding her own body and power. That is a tall order. She represents multitudes of girls who were “the first” and I am so glad I get to witness her in all her flaws and greatness. THE KING. Rumble black girl, rumble.
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Repeat After Me | Oneshot
(Tony Stark/Reader, Soulmate AU Canon Divergence 'Mob AU')
Summary: You're thriving in Loki's Empire as the most respected smuggler out there. You earned that reputation by remaining neutral, traveling between the city-states run by powerful Magnates like Loki's thrall Tony Stark in NYC or the relocated Wilson Fisk in Miami. It's lucrative business, but the real reason you have to stay moving is written on your arm.
Length | Rating: 3,635 | T (for language)
Notes: Set ten years after Loki successfully mind controlled Tony Stark and took over the world in 2012. My tongue-in-cheek take on a mobster-style AU, series potential if folks are interested.
THIS IS MY VOTE FOR 'SOULMATES' IN ROUND 1 OF TROPE MADNESS 2023 which is run by @thestanceyg! (note: also posted on AO3, same title tho!)
Also written for @caplanbuckybarnes's Three Words Challenge, using 'Don't look back.'
Tags: @ronearoundblindly @chickensarentcheap @themaradaniels @starksbf @tiny-anne @starryeyes2000 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft
Repeat After Me
You might be the only person who has both soulmate Words written on your body.
Repeat after me: don’t look back.
At first, you’d found them comforting. After all, they’re predictable in a way almost no one else’s Words are: if you’re right about them, it means you can choose whether to speak those fateful Words aloud. Then Loki came with his Chitauri army, and everything changed.
It’s been ten years since Lord Loki became the ruler of the world; ten years of societal restructure and bleak acquiescence. It turns out that humans are well adapted to be ruled, just as he’d said-- but perhaps not quite in the way he’d intended. Everyone has figured out their own way to survive, whether it’s in one of the densely populated city-states, the agricultural backwaters, or the uneasy suburban sprawl that straddles both extremes.
You’re one of the few who can travel easily through all three, and you pride yourself on that. Pre-Empire, you’d been a top exec at a shipping company, and your talent for managing large egos, ability to memorize maps, and knowledge of machinery was easily translated to a life as a smuggler. Your top rule? You do not take sides. Ever. It’s what made you successful, what kept you alive.
And no one knows the real reason.
“Zephyr, how long before you head out?”
You’re half-in, half-out of your truck, the open door heavy on your ass thanks to all the armor plating. “Weather looks like it’s gonna hold for another hour and a half, I was thinking forty-five minutes?” you guess, squinting up through the tint on the upper part of the windshield.
“Got time to meet with a potential?” Karl laughs at your obvious groan, adding, “Fancy suit says D.C., maybe New York. Probably shouldn’t risk skipping.” You trust your second in command, even if you don’t want to take his advice. Karl Mordo is pragmatic, honest, and a baronic pain in your ass sometimes.
“Fuck. Okay. But I’m going right now, before I de-grease for the trip.” You hop down and hold up your dirty hands, wiggling your fingers.
“What if they’re from Stark?”
You clench your jaw. “His people should know better, even after two years. We just did Fisk a favor, maybe he’ll remind Loki’s strongman that there’s a reason he relocated to Miami.”
Karl nods and heads back to the house, and as soon as he’s gone, you hold still and count to ten to calm your breathing. Tony Stark rules the northeast with a literal iron fist, and no one’s sure whether the mind control has turned him cruel or he’d been released years ago and just likes it. Only people Stark trusts have been close enough to know for sure.
Despite your reputation for neutrality, a few years back he’d sent his clever and ruthless ex-turned-CFO Pepper Potts to ask you to spy on some of the biggest players on the Eastern Seaboard.
It had been the first time you’d gotten close enough to see the electric blue of Loki’s mind control first-hand. Her threats had been articulate and terrifying, but your response ended up having a lasting effect on the way Lord Loki does his business. Word is that the emperor includes additional spells and enchantments to prevent a simple blow to the head from releasing a thrall and undoing years of work.
You still get messages from Potts, filtered heavily by word of mouth, through the Resistance.
When you get up onto the porch, you note with approval that someone’s already gotten the burly, suited visitor some sweet tea. He turns around, and your heart sinks as you recognize him from news articles. Tony Stark’s sweet-faced associate, Happy Hogan.
“Zephyr, is it?” he says warmly, reaching out a hand to shake. You offer him your left hand, and he immediately grins. You wear a binding on your right forearm, and it’s basically an open secret that your Words are there. Words you’ve made very clear you intend to remain a secret, on pain of death. “We have a job for you.”
“That’s truly unfortunate,” you say with a smile. “Your boss burned that bridge years ago. All I have is my integrity, I’m sure you understand.” Leaning up against one of the porch pillars, you send all of your anxiety to your legs, to hold you up and maintain the illusion that you’re not distressed. “Since you’ve come all this way, I can offer to connect you to one of the reputable smaller orgs.”
“Interesting you mention integrity. Did you know your right hand man is a known member of the Resistance?” Hogan’s tone is light, almost teasing.
You do your very best not to react, but on its face, you doubt the accusation. Karl had come to you deeply disillusioned by the Resistance, after working with them openly for a year, spending double that in prison, and being released with an interdict that prevented any employment but fieldwork. By the time you brought him in, he was full of quiet fury and determination to survive. The money you spent to clear his interdict was some of the easiest you’ve ever spent.
“I assume you have newer information than 2013?”
Hogan pulls an envelope from his lapel pocket and hands it over. Inside is a set of pictures showing Mordo speaking with and shaking the hand of Steve Rogers, the most wanted man on the continent. Karl’s hair has only been in that particular style for a few months.
You hand them back, keeping your hand steady. “If you can point and shoot pictures, why not point and shoot that particular problem?” The question is important to your public front, but you also want to know what kind of answer you get, whether it’ll be something you want to pass along.
“One step at a time,” Hogan says, walking over to you. He stops only inches away, a physical power play that masks the psychological threat.
“Which step are you on?”
“The one where you come with me to speak to Stark in person, or we reveal how thin your claims of neutrality really are.”
You nod as though you’re considering it, then say, “What if I dismantled everything and moved to Arizona? Started over.” It’ll sound like a joke, but you’ve considered it. You want nothing to do with Stark.
“You’re welcome to make that decision after the meeting.” The guy’s so confident he slides his hands into his pockets, fully relaxed except for the way his pulse is jumping in his neck. There’s zero chance that Hogan’s anxious because of you, so that means it’s important to his future that you leave with him today. If you have to, you’ll use that.
“You act like meeting with Stark won’t destroy my reputation just as much as your false accusations would,” you point out.
Happy Hogan shrugs. “Stark is prepared to offer you one alternative. Meet with him or give us a credible way to contact Pepper Potts.”
You want to swear under your breath, but instead, you channel all your frustration into a single act of defiance. Lifting your grease-stained right hand, you press it right in the center of his chest, fingers spread so you get his white button-down and both lapels.
Then you shove, letting your hand slip against the resistance he immediately puts up to avoid moving backwards and show weakness. You would have expected anger, maybe even to be thrown to the ground, but Hogan just chuckles. It’s dismissive, diminishing, and does nothing to lower your level of fury. Especially not since he’s got you over a barrel.
You push past him toward the house. “I’m sending Mordo with my load. Your guys fuck with him and I’ll tear down every fucking thing you’ve built or die trying.” Given the clout you’ve accumulated in the last decade, which one depends on whether the emperor is in town to shield his pet Avenger or not.
You hadn’t told Hogan you’re coming with. You both know you have to.
The flight to New York City is stressful, but most of that is because you know how much effort and care it takes to maintain a fleet of airplanes. Now that flights are nearly all restricted to just the Magnates, you doubt the due diligence of their maintenance teams. This is reinforced when you land and walk down a presidential-style rolling staircase instead of into the abandoned airport. It’s hard not to think of what air travel could do for your business. One flight would take so much food from one place to another-- but the safety margins are horrifying.
“What’s with the face?” Happy Hogan asks, after the two of you get into the waiting limo.
“Just imagining how much work it would be to get an orange to Maine nowadays.”
“You don’t have to live in Georgia, you know. The offer’s always open.”
“Fuck your offer, and fuck you,” you say coolly, crossing your arms and looking out the window. There’s a non-zero chance he’ll kill you, but you’ve got a trick up your sleeve that might just carry the kind of irony that would make even a man as powerful as Tony Stark cry. It’s the reason why Hogan wants Potts back, the reason she won’t go, not while he’s in Loki’s thrall.
Midgard hadn’t been interesting enough for the trickster god. No, he’d grown bored by the way most of his new subjects had responded to his rule. Too many of you had accepted that you weren’t strong enough to resist him, and so, with the power granted to him by the staff he always carried, Lord Loki had bestowed each soulmate pair on the planet a random power set.
Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan’s version had been the ability to detect lies.
Tony Stark’s inability to find his soulmate had been newsworthy before the attack on New York, but now that he’s the de facto ruler of the place, his search has become an obsession.
It’s the reason you live in Georgia, the reason you wear the distinctive binding around your right forearm, the reason you’d balanced yourself on the knife-edge of neutrality instead of choosing a side that’s not Stark’s and then leaving yourself vulnerable to being discovered.
Stark’s Words are well known: ‘Don’t look back.’
Ironically, you don’t think he has connected your well-known quirk about protecting your forearm with his soulmate search. He wants you because Lord Loki wants Pepper Potts’ lie detecting powers, and Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff’s soulmate bond is keeping her hidden. Karl Mordo has forsworn his connection to the Mystic Arts, but a man will do many things to prevent his own death, including oathbreaking, so instead of putting pressure on him, they’ll put pressure on you.
And somehow, you’re going to have to resist without speaking a word.
The car is underground when it stops. You nod at Hogan in thanks for his hand as you exit the vehicle, and he cocks his head to the side and looks at you.
“Passive resistance, eh? Good luck.” He leads you through a warren of hallways, stairwells, and locked doors. This display of strength is clearly designed to intimidate and/or give you time to think and fear what comes next, but you wonder whether it’s annoying to Hogan. Undoubtedly he’d be taking the short way if it weren’t for this task, and that kind of time-wasting adds up.
Sure enough, the last leg of the trip is an elevator ride. The doors open out into the wide expanse of the penthouse, a rich space with wall-to-wall windows looking out over the city. A man in a well-fitting white suit walks out from behind a bar area, and you recognize him to be Tony Stark himself. Instead of a tie, the signature blue of his arc reactor glows against the buttons of his shirt, and as he approaches you, you see that it’s matched by the blue tint of mind control in his eyes.
That knowledge is dangerous; already, this man’s leverage over you has doubled. You wonder what you’ll have to promise to get out of here alive.
Tony Stark stops a foot away and looks you over. His brown-blue eyes linger on your right arm, and as you’d planned during your pseudo perp-walk, you shift into a challenging pose, popping your hip out and lifting your chin. Stark’s lips curve into an appreciative smile. It’s attractive, he’s attractive, and you’re annoyed that you’ve even noticed. Everything about him exudes the confidence of a man who is never challenged, and that’s always been your catnip, your kryptonite. You love to bust egos, it could even be said that you live for popping that bubble. This man might be the first one you’ve ever met whose arrogance is well-deserved, though, and that could be a problem.
He gestures, and behind you, Hogan answers.“No weapons that we found, multiple scans.”
Ah, so the many doorways and long hallways had more than one purpose, you think to yourself. Well played. You stay still and expressionless as Stark looks you up and down, eyes lingering on your chest and your arm. He lifts his glass in an appreciative salute before finishing off his drink. Something about the way his throat works makes you feel the burn of the alcohol in your own chest.
“What’s under the armguard?”
“A nasty burn. Sunlight makes it worse.” It’s the truth-- you’d tried to burn off the words as soon as you’d heard about Tony Stark’s search for his soulmate. The magic of the mark protects it, so all you’d managed to do was destroy the skin around it, causing a wound that never fully healed. The vambrace you wear is for concealment, yes, but it’s also there to keep the damaged skin protected and dry. You turn your head and direct a grumpy look at Hogan. “To be honest, this whole meeting could have been an email. What is it that you two want?”
Before you can stop him, Stark steps forward and slides his hand into the hair at the nape of your neck, forcing you to meet his eyes. With a fierce, determined expression, he says, “Repeat after me: don’t look back.”
You can feel the strength in every single aspect of the man, voice, personality, grip, but that just fuels your need to fight back. With all your might, you manage to shake your head just enough to convey your refusal.
Tony Stark’s expression lights up. You realize your mistake immediately: if it didn’t mean something, if the words weren't important, you would have had no trouble repeating them. A million impossible escape routes spill out like marbles in your mind, scattering every other thought.
“Go on, Hap. Keep this to yourself for now,” Stark says. The triumph in his voice is as frightening as it is sexy.
“You got it, boss.”
You fight back a strong feeling of desperate inevitability. Really, your only hope now is to wrench free and follow your contingency plan: to say the words and play them off, avoiding the physical contact that reinforces the bond. If you can convince this man that you planned to trick him into thinking you’re his soulmate, you might still get out of here with your free will intact.
That’ll be easier to do without Hogan there, so you force yourself to remain still. Stark sweeps a broad, warm caress along your neck with his thumb, and god, it’s been so, so long since anyone’s touched you like that. There’s something insidious about it, like some part of you is already lost to him if you enjoy it even a little bit. All you can do is close your eyes, clench your fists, and wait.
The elevator doors close, and Stark starts pulling his hand away, stroking your neck possessively on the way. You do your very best not to like it. In truth, Tony Stark the billionaire, Tony Stark the Avenger was absolutely your type. You imagine that after ten years of mind control and cruelty, there’s probably little of that man left.
“You might as well say it,” he tells you with a smug little quirk in his voice. You open your eyes to see that Stark’s headed back to the bar. “Got a favorite drink?” You shake your head. “You strike me as a Tequila Sunrise type. Fun to look at, goes down easy.”
You cross your arms and glare at him, but it was a cute line for such a tense situation. Wrong, but cute.
Stark gestures to you with the Tequila bottle. “So, what, did you think you’d just stay quiet and run back home to Georgia? Happy says it didn’t take much persuading.”
You smile at him, but not warmly. One thing you hadn’t considered was that Stark might be pleased, might be looking forward to the other… perks of having a soulmate. That might make him more inclined to be kind to you, at least until you try to bluff him. You can use that.
“Don’t think I can’t see how furious you are, little one,” Stark purrs. “I’m still figuring you out, but I’ve had a file on you for years. You want to know what people say about you?”
He rests a large hand on a folder you hadn’t noticed before, pushes it across the bar in invitation. You shrug and turn your head to look out the window, the picture of indifference. You hope it pisses him the fuck off.
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s all trash now anyway, now that you’ve met with me.” Stark holds it up. “They’ll never trust you again.” He tosses it behind him. When it strikes the wall, the many single pages that made up the bulk of the file fly out around him like some kind of monstrous confetti, to the accompaniment of breaking glass. You wonder how many bottles he just wasted, whether they’re even replaceable in this brave new world you’re all trapped in.
You nod, feeling the weight of the coming moment. Mentally you gird yourself, but physically you try to adopt an attitude of casual discourtesy. You want Stark to hate his soulmark, to hate you, enough to send you away or destroy you.
Anything, anything but touch you again.
Letting out a sigh, you spread your hands in a ‘what can you do?’ gesture and say, “Don’t look back.”
The words strike him, so much so that he chuckles ruefully on an indrawn breath. A bitter disappointment sweeps across his face before it hardens into anger. You're grateful; you'd expected something-- a thunderclap, a rush of adrenaline, a gust of magical wind, but there’s nothing to indicate that you’ve both said the Words. Maybe, maybe, you can get out of this, if you’re careful. If you’re just the right level of heinous bitch.
“Did you practice that?” Stark finally says. He walks out from around the bar, and you take the opportunity to make your way over to the window, the picture of unconcerned, unattached, unbothered.
“What do you want, Mr. Stark?” Shit, your voice is shaking.
“I want a challenge,” he snaps, his voice closer than you expected. He’s just a foot away, and you can’t hide your shock fast enough. “You think that file was just for show? I read the whole thing.”
“Then you know I don’t want to be here. I have a business to run, a business you’ve fucked over with--” you back away in the guise of making a dismissive, furious gesture; “--whatever this is. What do you want, so I can get the fuck out of here?”
“What’s wrong, pet? Foot caught in a trap?” he asks, tone suddenly gentle, soothing. You scoff, turning on your heel to stalk away from him--but Stark reaches out swiftly and catches your hand in his.
A jolt of pleasure-fueled electricity floods you with an almost overwhelming need for closeness, companionship-- to be known. It's as if until this exact moment, you’d been empty, and you gasp, screaming against the sudden, insidious desires that have cropped up in your mind.
Oh god, no, this is too much, this is--
What you don’t expect is for Stark to answer.
Oh FUCK yes, telepathy. My second favorite superpower, right after flight.
You snatch your hand away and fall back onto the window, eyes wide. Stark shakes his head almost imperceptibly, then throws both hands in the air as if in disgust.
“You really had me, but there’s just… nothing. I should toss you off of the roof, you know that, right? Faking soulmark words? Ballsy.” He twitches his lips as though he can’t decide whether to be angry or not, and steps closer. “Hold out your hand?”
There’s vulnerability in his expression, something you hadn’t at all expected to see, but you are still reeling from what had passed between the two of you. Tony Stark is one of the smartest men on the planet, and certainly one of the most ruthless. He’ll stop at nothing to get what he wants-- and it’s well known that every inch of his penthouse is under surveillance, not to mention whatever Lord Loki has monitoring his most powerful thrall.
Just like the words written on both of you, neither of you can look back.
Sullenly, you lift your hand, and immediately, Stark engulfs it in an angry grip.
Okay here’s how this is going to go: Do as I say, and we can keep this our little secret. Resist me and I’ll tell Loki I’ve finally found my soulmate. Believe me, you do not want anything to do with what he has in store for us.
Possibly TBC if there's interest...
#threewordsforcaplan#trope madness 2023#tony stark x reader#tony stark x you#tony stark imagine#tm2023#marvel fanfiction#marvel fic#tony stark fic#tony stark fanfiction#soulmate au#canon divergence#mob au#but only if you squint#tony stark x f!reader
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here’s to a year of trigun :] just a cute little (1k. oops.) essay reflecting back on how it’s changed my life.
(twitter crosspost LOL)
You know that strange, dissatisfying limbo between hyperfixations? That was me in January. A 2-year long obsession with Genshin Impact was dragging itself to its grave and I was struggling with life. I got diagnosed with a rare chronic pain disorder at around the same time I caught mono and strep simultaneously (that week SUCKED), classes were kicking my ass, and I was experiencing the existential loneliness of adulthood for the first time.
University student things!
And to make it all extra unbearable, my writing was empty. Soulless. I’d write something for a zine and go damn—this shit is awful. Not because it was technically flawed or anything, but there was just…nothing there. I would stare at my stats page on Ao3 waiting for comments and then bitterly complain at my friends when no one wanted to read my work. Hell, I don’t think I wanted to read my work. I’m sure you know the feeling.
And because my writing is how I cope with Everything, being unable to write made the Everything so, so much worse.
Then—and I forget exactly how I heard about it—I learned that Trigun Stampede had just released its fourth episode. I knew of Trigun from a buddy of mine who had been excitement-posting about the reboot months before, but all I knew about the reboot was that Yoshitsugu Matsuoka was voicing the main character. I had a free afternoon—why not give it a try?
I still have my liveblogging from January. Here was my initial reaction:
I was having a great fuckin’ time.
February rolls around and I am immediately, irreversibly, hit with Plantcest brainrot so bad that I discard any pretense of being icked out by brocest ship and I write a 9k long KV thesis called “we’ve got to get back to that stinking garden,” named after a Natalie Diaz poem called “my brother named gethsemane,” which is, truly and genuinely, The Poem on Brothers (Complicated) of all time. That fic is where the visions and prophesies came back, where I started feeling like my writing was impactful again. Like it meant something. It was my first ever foray into in-narrative smut and the first of many, many attempts to capture a future where Vash and Knives love each other even after the end of everything.
This is really where I found my footing on Twitter and as a short story writer, I think. Where I started really caring about making every word of a narrative pay rent, about conveying and evoking specific, tangible feelings, and exploring genres of media I’d never really been interested in before. Before February, I wrote mostly genfic and T-rated romance. Every so often, I’d dabble in some graphic violence.
And hey! Now I write hardcore kink and graphic erotica. The gore I used to dabble in is now something I dive into feetfirst and with a rabid desire to make it as sexy as possible. I fetishize the crease of an elbow and the bristly sections of an undercut and I write about brothers having nasty, angry, dubiously consensual sex. I could not possibly tell you how I got here, but shit, man, I don’t regret a damn thing.
It’s through Trigun that I met some of the most talented, sweetest, most encouraging folk. Plantcest creators, Vashwood creators, people who saw me writing ZazieVash and went hello motherfucker please feed me some more, Romeryl enthusiasts, Kniveswood and Plantwood enjoyers…shit, guys. You’re all so fucking cool.
I got invited to a zine for the first time, I started taking commissions (and holy shit, what the fuck, I still can’t wrap my head around that at all. The fuck you mean, you’ll pay me Real Actual Money for personalized fic? Insane to me. I’m so goddamn grateful.) for the first time, and hell, I published a poetry collection for the first time. Which people downloaded? And tipped me for? What the fuck? I’m still reeling from that. Thank you, by the way. Genuinely.
What else this year…well. I commissioned art for the first time, I participated in more big bangs and exchanges than ever, I read voraciously and wrote with just as much fervor. I watched ‘98 and I cried and I read half of TriMax and cried some more. I wrote more erotica than I ever have, and I wrote more fic that I’m genuinely, painfully proud of this year than any other year.
A lot of my writing is about grief and rage, and a lot of it is about trying to be funny in the face of that. A lot of is about learning to live, because that’s what I’m doing right now, despite everything. A lot of it is about trying to be kind.
But in summary, because this is getting ridiculously long, here’s what I got out of Trigun:
Vash the Stampede refuses to die. I’m trying to emulate that.
Meryl Stryfe cares about doing the right thing, even if it means she’ll get in the middle of a fight between aliens armed with two bullets in a tiny pistol.
Wolfwood is carefully, disastrously kind. I want to be like that.
And Knives is nuttier than a Victorian lady in a room painted in arsenic green, but still. I love him anyway.
And Milly :] no thoughts about Milly. I love Milly because she is also incredibly kind :]
Trigun has changed my entire goddamn life this year. I think it’s made me a better person. It’s certainly made me a better writer, and it’s connected me to so many lovely and beautiful people. Thank you all for sticking around, and here’s to another year of love, peace, and unhinged porn. I love you all :]
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I know this is out of the blue, but thank you so much for being a real one 👍✨️
Like I have nothing against people who see Heisenberg as a gay man, they’re entitled to think that. But I draw the hard line at people who feel the need to bash others just because their views don't align, and then when confronted use the piss poor "it's just a joke" or "it's just an observation" excuses. If you're going to be a bitch at least have the balls to own up to it.
Anyway, loved your work since 2021 and wishing you all the good vibes. 🤗
Oh my goodness, thank you!!! This is such a kind message and I appreciate you so much. ❤️ Good vibes right back at you. I’m glad that my rantings have resonated with folks because sometimes I wonder if *spongebob voice* I’M the maniac. Getting dragged into this stuff really makes me feel like it sometimes, haha.
Yes! To be clear I also truly do not care what your HC’s are! I love that there are people for whom gay Heisy is their thing and I hope they are having fun and keep making their art/fic/etc! Even if I really can’t stand the popular fanon ship I’m so glad it exists for folks who enjoy it and I am not going to spend my time posting about what I don’t like/agree with when they’re not hurting me and I can spend my time on stuff I do like!
And like. I know. I KNOW a lot of these people are teenagers. And I struggle sometimes because “do not fight literal children” is a rule I try to live by lmao but I also really don’t like seeing people target and mock folks for harmless fun. (It’s on sight if a 25+ year old starts putting this shit in the tags tho. I know they’re out there.)
Still, it’s extremely weird because they always defend themselves with “it’s just a joke/it’s not that deep” or “oh my god no one is stopping you from liking x why are you so pressed 🙄 i can’t believe you’re letting my nasty opinions bother you just because i put them right where you can see them with the intent of insulting you.” 💀💀💀 Like what could possibly be the point of doing this if not to, at the very least, actively try to dissuade people you don’t like from engaging with the community? Obviously no one can stop me but if I know that there are dickbags out there who are going to vaguepost and make fun of me when I do, I don’t care how confident and thick skinned you are (and I am very,) it’s still going to sting!
People are not bothered because they’re disconnected from reality and think they’re really married to a pixel man, they’re upset because life is hard enough and you come into your hobby space to have a good time and then find lame ass idiots infesting it. I also think the whole “ohhh my god why are you so upset he’s/she’s not real!!” is a blatant attempt to discredit the hurt parties by once again insinuating that they are “crazy” which once again conveniently ignores multiple realities, chiefly that 1) most people are not upset by a simple opinion that their fave wouldn’t fuck them IRL, they are upset at the blatant meanness of the person making the accusations and 2) even if they are genuinely hurt by the thought because it’s a coping mechanism for them, why does that make it okay for you target them? What gives you the right to harass and mock people who are not bothering you? Do these people think they’re doing these folks a ‘favor’ by forcing them to contend with what they perceive to be some kind of delusion? Shut the hell up. Why do people decide it is their god given right to hold strangers on the internet accountable for psychological “problems” that they’ve completely made up.
Anyway SORRY I have a serious problem shutting the fuck up lol. I have never been good at phrasing my thoughts in a coherent way especially when I’m grumpy. I am very glad my little circle is full of awesome, open minded and levelheaded folks and not gatekeepers/weirdos (derogatory) who have decided that diversity of opinion in fandom is bad actually and that women and femmes specifically are enemy number one.
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Room/character closeup #2 (going in order from most to least popular based on the poll)
~Eddie & Steve's room~
Edit bc I accidentally posted this before I meant to: spoilers ahead for my full house au, as can be expected
Did you notice the pattern on the rug bc it's important to me that you notice the pattern on the rug I spent a good bit of time searching for this one specific rug guys I'm serious about this. Is it incredibly dark humor? Yes. But it is humor nonetheless
Anyway
One of my first priorities/things I took into consideration when working on this room was that I didn't want it to be too bright or have any sort of potentially eyestrain-y patterns. Steve has suffered repeated head trauma and I wanted his room to be a safe space where he doesn't have to worry about triggering a migraine or fucking with his vision or getting dizzy just from his surroundings. Hence why they have a darker, more subdued palette than most of the other rooms (which I guess you don't know yet since this is only the second one I've shown you but just trust me on this)
Beyond that, I admittedly had a pretty difficult time trying to figure out what I could do that I felt like both Steve and Eddie would vibe with decor-wise while still being a cohesive theme
Didn't want it to lean too far either way into metalhead freak or preppy golden boy territory, and besides I do think Steve's whole aesthetic isn't entirely his own and is at least partly influenced by the expectations placed on him, so I tried to go for a fairly neutral sort of vibe here
For some reason I settled on some blue jean lookin ass wallpaper, a rug patterned with the our-dimension-version of the critters that very nearly took their lives, and a few choice items to put on the walls
First off, the ship painting
This was sort of an unexpected last minute addition, partially bc I thought it looked nice with the rest of the room and partially as a character reflection
I wholeheartedly believe that Eddie Munson would fucking love anything pirate related, he probably was a pirate for Halloween at least once growing up, and he just thinks sailing ships are super cool. Plus the painting just felt like it would appeal to a fantasy nerd lol (it reminded me of the chronicles of Narnia actually but that's not really important)
And as for Steve, at least in this au but I know I'm not the only one who thinks so, he really likes water. Being in it, on it, around it- he likes swimming (refer back to his noted complicated feelings about the pool from my basement post), he likes the beach, he likes the ocean, and he likes sailing. He hasn't been many times but I'd totally buy the Harringtons having been on a yacht or some shit at one point or another. This character note may or may not be related to both his job at scoops ahoy* and him being on the swim team in high school, which is one of those things that at this point I honestly don't know if it was at all canon or if it's just one of those headcanons that become so popular in fandom that it feels that way, and at this point I can't be bothered to fact check it
*I think either he had a prior interest in sailing-related stuff and that was part of what initially drew him to that job specifically, or that working there sparked an interest which only grew with time, like maybe some of the silly slogans and terms used in ice cream flavors and maybe even the uniform stirred his curiosity/memories of going out on the water with his folks during the summers before they decided he was old enough to be left home alone for weeks at a time, and he started looking into actual sailing and found out he really liked it. (He can't stand the uniforms now though bc they trigger traumatic flashbacks, for both him and Robin)
Next, the bass/electric guitar on the wall, which I feel is pretty self explanatory honestly. It's Eddie's (although he does offer to teach Steve how to play- haven't decided yet whether Steve takes him up on that)
And then there's the horses (photo? painting?)
This is where the whole "horse girl eddie munson" thing came from; the whole idea was initially born of me trying to decide what I could put on their wall, liking this poster and asking myself if Steve and Eddie struck me as people who were into horses. As it turns out the answer was "hell yeah" and it spiraled into an entire fic idea of its own, which can be found here. As for this au, the background of them both having a "horse girl" phase/being into the idea of cowboys is still a thing, but obviously it doesn't progress the same way as that did (steddie cowboys my beloved but these particular multiverse variants are stuck playing house with their traumatized found family and slowly realizing that they actually enjoy co-parenting >:3 and this way everyone gets to stay together)
Also, speaking of the steddie cowboys thing this inspired, Eddie is trans in the full house au but Steve is a cis man (unlike in the other au). However Steve does have some gender moments here and there, like the kids "jokingly" calling him mom and him lowkey vibing with it (oh no I'm already doubting my ability to stick to the Steve being cis plan- bigender Steve agenda where did you come from??)
But yeah basically both of them are secretly horse nerds lol and that's something they discover while they're arguing over how to decorate (aka when they agree on this poster) and end up bonding over
And now for a note about their placement in the house (specifically who they share a floor with)
I've already explained that/why I wanted them on the same floor as Dustin Lucas & Erica, although I don't think I mentioned that Lucas and Steve are really close in this au* and it goes without saying that Dustin is super close with both of them
*it just feels right to me; also Steve was the only one of his friends to come watch his basketball game and Steve did chew Eddie out about that whole situation at some point but by now everyone is pretty much on good terms
Sometimes when any of the kids- but especially any of those three- have bad nightmares or can't sleep, they bunker down in Eddie & Steve's room,* the door of which is always open (metaphorically that is, but once they start dating... well let's just say the kids better knock or they're going to have yet another reason to be scarred for life lmao)
*some may think they're too old for stuff like this but I say- fuck that. A major theme of this au is acknowledgement of how these guys have had a large portion of their childhood stolen from them and the people around them are working to help them get it back, to let them just be kids and to make them feel safer than they have in a long time, so they're allowed to be "childish" and that's going to play a part in many of the events and details of this au. The same goes for the older guys too btw; like with this example specifically if Robin or Steve is the one waking up from a nightmare they find the other and both crash on the couch together for the night. You're never too old to seek comfort from your loved ones
#full house au#stranger things fanfic#stranger things headcanons#current wip#steve harrington#eddie munson#and they were roommates#steddie#trans eddie munson#also mentioned:#robin buckley#dustin henderson#lucas sinclair#erica sinclair#horse girl eddie munson au#<-the origin story to this idea has now been revealed
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The thing is, I’d take so many more of these What If s2 complaints seriously if people made them without mentioning Peggy… or Stucky… or Peggy and Stucky… or if 90% of the people complaining the loudest had ever mentioned a lack of Sam Wilson before.
You know, like when Ant-Man magically had a best seller and money, but Sam couldn’t even get a loan, and even though Sam brought Scott into the fold, Scott mentioned Steve instead of Sam in Ant-Man 3.
Or when we didn’t get a Sam mention when Clint took his kids to see Rogers: The Musical.
Or when Kamala went to a superhero con and we saw no Sam merch.
Or when She-Hulk literally name dropped his brother and they couldn’t be bothered to add a five second “that’s the new Captain America’s brother!”
Or the shield being added to the Statue of Liberty in NWH and the writers not taking the time to add a thirty second line of, “Sam Wilson just got the shield back not that long ago. And after what happened, this doesn’t seem like such a great idea” spoken very dryly by MJ.
I could go on and on… But where were all these folks when all that was happening? When Sam wasn’t appearing in ANYTHING??? When we were all trading asks and posts about him not even being name dropped? Y’all wasn’t with us shootin’ in the gym! lol
Look, I know this is my umpteenth post saying the same damn thing lol, but as long as I go to Sam’s tag and see rants that barely mention him by name, but definitely mention Stucky, or better yet, mention how upset they are about a forced hetero ship, I’m going to grind my teeth and keep complaining, because yeah, some folks really are pissed about Sam being overlooked yet again, but most of y’all are just mad ‘cause Peggy showed up in a red dress in 2011 and Steve liked it lol, and then she kept showing up… and he kept liking it.
And look, I just want everyone to be clear that if Peggy wasn’t in s2 of What If at all, and we had an episode that was just Sam and Steve interacting, that same 90% of people who are in Sam’s tag everyday being mad about Peggy and Captain Carter and forced heterosexual relationships and whatever the fuck else, would be just as mad about Sam’s ass.
Peggy is like velcro right now lol, catching everything they dish out, all the hell, all the hate, but the second she’s not there, it’s all gonna fall back to Sam. Baby, the North definitely remembers 🤷🏾♀️ The worst thing Mackie ever did in some folks’ eyes was have chemistry with Evans and Stan - more chemistry with each of them than they ever had with each other - on screen and on press tours. A very large and very vocal portion of the MCU fandom never forgave him for it, but really, they never forgave the Sam character for it. So, I’m sorry, but I’m not about to pretend that a bunch of Stucky shippers suddenly care that Sam isn’t getting to be Cap on screen and show up in projects with Steve lmaooo, especially when some of them don’t even say his name in their rants
#sam wilson#captain america#i got stickies role playing on my posts#getting in character#going full method#putting on their clown makeup#just to come HATE on posts#but i’m supposed to think this is the party of Captain America Sam Wilson all of a sudden#mannnn 😭😭😭 gtfoh 😂
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Titanium Ninja actually kind of fucks, though
So I rewatched the last episode of season 3. A pretty mid season, right? Well that final episode fucks in all the ways that made my brain vibrate as a 12 year old. So let’s fucking go I need everyone to appreciate this episode.
First up, ninjas trapped in space. Alright. There’s already no solution to this that isn’t bullshit, so just make it cool. Well, I like that they had to use their abilities and knowledge to make the ship instead of tornado of creation-ing it. Really shows how much they’re capable of when they work together!
“How we holding up?”
“Bubblegum and a wish!” As they fucking send it. What a legendary line. It burned itself into my brain for years to come and is a part of my standard lexicon.
“Hasn’t Ninjago suffered enough already?” She asks, on season 3 out of what is now 17.
Overlord’s face is kinda silly but the mech honestly kinda slaps.
“My heart has reached critical mass, it appears my unlimited energy is in fact limited!”
“Critical mass? You mean it’s gonna blow up?”
“Don’t worry about me!” AHJGHSJKG See kids, this is what we call foreshadowing.
Okay but seriously, now that they’re in the atmosphere, they use their elemental powers to shield themselves as they come in from from orbit like goddamn meteors. Is it bullshit? Yes. Do I care? Absolutely the fuck not.
Skales saying they can’t help the people of Ninjago then doing it anyway? Love him for that. Because he presumably sees the ninjas and is like “ugh these fuckers again. Well if they did it once-”
The city recognizing the ninja as they plummet towards the earth as multicolored meteors? There had better be folk songs about this. I’m surprised there isn’t a church. Saviors from the stars here to kill Satan.
Man, people still getting a haircut as the Overlord attacks. Frickin iconic. No wonder people handled season 9 so well.
Pixal on her lil bike.
Also the ninja being caught by their vehicles. Does it make sense? Not really. But the animation for it is cool so once again, I am fully on board.
“A few parachutes would have been nice!”
“Friends and family make a good substitute!” Fuck, I love Kai so much.
City fortress. Cloaked in blacks and reds in a dusky sky. What a sick image.
The fact that they were prepared to throw hands with the Overlord even before Borg came to them with a solution. These lil heroes I love them so much.
Lloyd biking through a hole in a window while Cole just WHAM. I love them both so much.
“Go back, and our probability of making it to the temple exponentially diminishes!”
“This isn’t about numbers, Zane! It’s about family!” AAAGH the fact that that line came from Kai! Also, foreshadowing!
Cole whooping even as he’s running from certain doom, what an icon.
Lol the ancient seal of the temple being helped by a convenient barrier.
“Let me get this straight, you want us to get close to a guy with armor that, with one touch, will make us toast, and you want us to give him a pill?”
“Precisely!” Oh Borg, never change. Unironically my favorite side character, I love this genius idiot so much. He’s just like “well if anyone can do it, it’s you lunatics” and it still feels like pot calling kettle black.
Zane offering his armor to Pixal!!! I love him! Even though he’s so big on probability, he’s so willing to give up his own safety for others!
“I shall see you again.” AAGH
Magic armor toysets!!
The ninja ninja-ing over rooftops will never not make my brain whir.
Okay the golden spiderweb thing goes kinda hard as a villain aesthetic, though. Great way to make the normally heroic golden colors look all evil!
That shot of the ninja, these tiny lil dudes, against this giant evil robot kicks so much ass though.
“Then attack the people.” Holy SHIT Pythor! What a dick move! And the fact that its his former second-in-command that comes to offer the people refuge is so good!
“That was ALL YOU’VE GOT!?” It sure was, but these ninjas are the masters of asspulls so watch yourself.
Okay now we’re getting to the scene. The scene. One of the best scenes in the show, and I am prepared to die on this hill. Actually, I’m prepared to kill on this hill. Because this scene is just fantastic, and has stuck with me vividly for years, even after I fell off the show back around season seven. If you had come up to 16-year-old Raven and told her to quote this scene, she probably could have done so.
“Support me friends, for one last time.” Never does Zane ever think of this as anything less than a group effort. Even here, he’s asking for their support! And they do what little they can!
Then this GOAT just fuckin grabs the armor and demands “Let! My! Friends! Go!” His voice cracking, as the music swells! The way he’s writhing makes him look like he’s in genuine agony but pushing through it anyway!
“Go where, doomed ninja?”
Then they show his fucking heartbeat! It’s robotic, but also very much so a human pulse! Because Zane is as alive as anyone! Then his faceplate falls off!
And you can see the Overlord’s expression change here as he starts running calculations, getting worried!
“The golden weapons are too powerful for you to behold! Your survival chance is ZERO!”
“This isn’t about numbers. It’s about family!” What can I even say about this exchange? First of all, the Overlord is appealing to Zane’s survival, rather than his chance of SUCCESS. In all likelihood, he KNOWS that Zane is a threat right now, because that robot is channeling the power of his own armor. But Zane is not swayed by his own chance of survival.
Killing the moment a bit, looks like Zane is programmed in some wacky ass C++. Wonder if Dr. Julien could help me with my Arduino homework. Never was good with stepper motors. Anyway back to drama.
Then the ninja desperately wondering why Zane isn’t letting go, but Wu realizes. “He’s protecting us!”
“I! Am! A Nindroid! And Ninja! Never quit! Go ninja, Go!” There’s so much here. It’s like when he found his true potential on an infinitely larger scale. The Overlord will not hurt his friends, because he knows who he is: A nindroid that never quits, built to protect those who cannot protect themselves.
Also, “Go ninja, go!” Amazing how the addition of one extra “go” completely changes the mood. It sounds desperate, like he’s telling himself to go, to take the plunge, to give everything up, and he DOES that.
Then he just. Fuckin. Goes. What I imagine is happening here is that he is directly powering himself with the golden armor, channeling the Overlord’s golden power THROUGH his heart to boost his own elemental power. Completely frying himself in the process, but able to literally produce the power to kill Satan.
“No Zane! No!” It being Jay, the one often considered the meek one, to be the first to run after Zane. As Wu has to force them all away, because he can’t lose all his ninja.
Then. The music change. The MUSIC CHANGE. This song. Let me tell you something. I just recently got back into Ninjago. And I was getting caught up on what I missed. Well, I was listening to a music compilation, and suddenly, this song started playing. I Ratatouilled so hard, y’all. I had a flashback to Zane having flashbacks, because this music is absolutely stunning.
His heartbeat plays over the music. The sounds of the fight fade away. As he recounts his time with his brothers. His time meeting his father again, even if it was for only a few short months.
“There’s something special about you Zane.” Cut to Pixal. Then cut to him smiling.
“I know who I am!”
“You were built to protect those who cannot protect themselves.” That’s it. That is the microcosm of Zane’s character. He protects people. He protects his family. And Zane can die happily if it means he has fulfilled that directive.
As he flatlines. Holy hell. I cannot stress enough the impact this had on me as a child.
One final (for now) NOOOOO from the Overlord, then it’s all quiet. The tower light goes out. The manhole freezes over. The robots break. It’s eerily soft compared to what was just happening. Like a single, soft exhale of breath.
Kai looks at a damaged “New Ninjago City” sign. This is symbolism.
And Cole finds a piece of Zane’s body! Is this the only surviving piece? It must be, and that’s devastating! Granted, a kids show probably can’t show what is essentially a corpse, but they don’t even have anything to bury!
Him comforting Nya as she starts to sob. Jay just looking away softly. And Borg. “I used to think technology would be the answer to all of our problems.”
Then it cuts to the memorial.
“Then I saw technology invent new problems. Devastating problems. And then, a Nindroid named Zane saved us all. He was the perfect balance between us and technology.” And nothing encapsulates that better than the heartbeat from a few seconds ago. The heartbeat of a human contained in a machine.
“Technology can improve our lives, but so can people.” The fact that they don’t fully demonize technology, which would be hypocritical seeing as Zane is technology. Instead, it’s all about balance!
“Our city will find its way again, but this time, with Zane as our compass.” Couple things here. First off. That this takes place in a park rather than an urban sprawl. Second, that the photo of Zane is of his season 1 outfit is nice! And that they’re going to look to Zane as an example of what technology should be.
And Zane gets a statue! I love this a lot. I love that it shows up in later seasons. Later on, Zane says he doesn’t need a statue. But it’s not even just about Zane, it’s for the people to remember Zane and his sacrifice by. To remember the mistakes that he fixed so that they don’t repeat them. The Titanium Ninja, a strong metal to act as a foundation for their future. It’s not complex symbolism, but it’s still extremely effective! No wonder I lost my mind at age 12.
Then his falcon sits on his shoulder, with the leitmotif playing! Agh! Just stab me in the heart already, show!
“So, what happens after this?”
“I don’t know.”
“And I don’t care. Today’s about Zane.” I have a lot of thoughts about this.
First up, Jay completely not acknowledging the love triangle right now. He doesn’t care about that, because today IS about Zane. It’s so humanizing. And next up, we know what happens after this. In their grief, the ninja fracture. It’s tragic, but they’re all so devastated by their grief that they don’t know how to carry on together. This is a recurring thing in the show. When Nya becomes the sea, the team splits up. When Lloyd thought his friends died in Sons of Garmadon, he nearly gave up everything. For better or worse, these ninja need each other, they are a very tight-knit family. I wonder if the new series can touch on how they deal with being separated from each other on longer terms. Either way, this family loves each other so much, and I love that,
Kai being the one to give a eulogy. Literally I could type out that entire speech and point to line after line just being like Look! Look at this line! It’s amazingly eloquent, especially coming from Kai. Out of all the ninja, he’s always been the most family-oriented. He’s powered by brotherhood, and Zane continues to power him. We see this in season 4, when he visits Zane’s statue, that he still thinks about Zane every single day, still looking to him for guidance. He has so much love and respect for his family, but also can’t cope with yet another loss in his life.
Wu blinking rapidly as he ducks his head!! Dude is holding back tears big time.
.Dareth sobbing! He loves those funky ninjas too!
“Ninja never quit, and ninja will never be forgotten! Wherever you are Zane, you’ll always be one of us.” As it STARTS TO SNOW! AGH! This is so good!
All of Zane’s flashbacks before it’s revealed that he lived on in the Digiverse! At least before Ronin stole him, lol. Well either way, Pixal moving from grief to hope as she realizes he’s alive! Holy shit! I’d like to draw attention to her speech from crystallized. “Long ago, in a different battle, you gave up half your power source to save my life. Ever since that moment, I felt things I’ve never felt before. I felt love. For you.” Pairing these two moments together just... It hits so hard.
Then the fucking MUSIC. The FUCKING MUSIC! It is triumphant and glorious and a CELEBRATION.
“Are we compatible now?” Holy hell, what an ending.
No wonder this did irreparable damage to my brain chemistry. No wonder I was never normal again. This absolutely DESTROYED me as a kid, and I think it still holds up as one of the most emotionally impactful series of scenes in the show. The beginning is really awesome, the fights are fun, the characterization is stellar, and the death scene is damn near flawless. Is the episode nonsensical and a bit meandering at times? Well, yes, it is. The entire season is all over the place. But this episode still works SO well. I’d say it’s probably top five, easy.
It was something I never considered possible, as a kid. This is coming off season 2, which was pretty Lloyd-centric. I never thought we’d get such an amazing tribute to my, at the time, favorite character. I never thought he’d get such a moment in the spotlight to be as amazing as he was. Granted, he’s since had PLENTY of deaths to call his own, but this one remains the most impactful to me. This was the first death to REALLY be a death and to REALLY hit home. The only deaths that I’d say even come close are Nya’s death in Skybound (since she didn’t really die in Seabound) and Morro’s death for how brutal it is. Nya becoming the sea was also really good, though, with a beautiful funeral. But this one just...
The Titanium Ninja was a revolution for me as a kid. I had adored this show since the pilot. I had kept up religiously since the pilot. But this was the moment that the show went to a whole different level. And honestly, I think it holds up. Ninjago has a list of issues a mile long. But I just want to celebrate for a moment this episode, and everything it does so, so well.
Anyway, that’s my rant about an episode that I really love. I may do this again with episodes like Son of Lily. Because I love this stupid little show so much, guys. I grew up with it, and its always been a big part of my life. Episode 7, Tick Tock, was like, the biggest plot twist of the universe to me as a kid. It was what made Zane my favorite character, and got me so invested in him in the first place. To see Ninjago use that to make a genuinely fantastic character arc, then to use that as the foundation for the fourth season, was absolutely brilliant, and my life is genuinely better for having gotten to enjoy such a show as a kid and now as an adult. This show isn’t some life-changing revolution, but it makes me so happy, and I hope this rant helps illuminate a little bit of why.
#ninjago#ninjago masters of spinjitzu#ninjago rebooted#ninjago season 3#zane julien#zane ninjago#titanium ninja#the titanium ninja#yall i love this show so much#even when it hurts me#looking at you season 5
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from this WIP weekend post!!
you guys overwhelmingly voted for more of the rockstar!eddie x sailor!steve full fic(let)/oneshot so here are the 42(!!!) sentences i ended up writing for it! (and seriously, thank you @thisapplepielife for tagging me!! this is the most i've gotten done on a lot of these wips in a while!)
“Was hard enough driving it around these skinny-ass roads.”
Eddie snorts as that, “Don’t think I didn’t feel the scrape you gave that Beetle back there, Earl.”
“It’s not my fault! These roads are tiny and there’s people parked everywhere!”
“I’m just fuckin’ with you, man,” Eddie chuckles, shuffling out after the other boys, “Don’t fall in.”
They head toward the little gatehouse at the front of the pier where their manager, Chrissy, is standing beside a sailor in the Navy’s digital blue camo uniform.
The girl in uniform looks particularly baby-faced (given she must be at least old enough to enlist), and the bright white “U.S. NAVY” stamped across the front of her bulletproof vest matches Chrissy’s pantsuit.
It makes Eddie sweat just looking at her, even with how pleasant the weather actually is.
“You not coming with us, Chris?” Gareth asks.
“Nah, I’m going to sit and wait in the car, I have quite a few calls to make anyhow.” she waves him off, “Maybe I can convince Earl to take me up to the food court. I could really go for some ice cream.”
She waves them off, shooing them towards the sailor waiting on them, and marches off back across the narrow road to their car.
“Okay, listen up.” Erica calls out to the four of them, pulling their attention to her easily. “I am going to escort you down the pier and you will both stay out of others’ way, and watch your step.”
She beckons them through the tall turnstile gate as she speaks, following close behind. “There shouldn’t be anything laying out on the deck, as a rule, but watch it regardless.”
As promised, she escorts them down the flat concrete pier, herding them with short warnings as they go, for whatever hazard may be in their way.
Despite the watching where he’s going he should be doing, Eddie can’t help but gawk up at the huge ships on either side of the wide spanse of concrete. They tower protectively over the sailors throwing heavy ropes around like they’re nothing, the ones helping unload cargo vans of their equipment, and those that seem to just be having fun laughing and fucking around.
The ship on their left (with the matching hull number as on Erica’s ballcap) is onloading supplies from the pier in systematic line over the deceptively narrow strip of water between it and the vessel, each of the wildly different people in the line swinging box after box between them up the steep steel ramp and out of sight onto the deck.
The ship on their right is only two numbers above the Berthold, and is the one they will be touring. The USS William B. Franke (DDG-63).
There’s less happening on it's side of the pier, only a few folks coming and going. There’s a small group of four standing at the bottom of the Franke's ramp, a pair in street clothes that look to be heading off for the day, and there’s a taller sailor with a long ponytail who’s just hefted a heavy-looking piece of equipment onto their shoulder and is climbing across the bridge to the ship.
They troop along behind the commander, following him up and around a couple bends in the halls to his office.
“Come on in, gentlemen; have a seat, please.” Brenner gestures them inside past a wooden desk to a low L-shaped couch fixated in the far corner of the office.
They plop down onto the squeaky brown pleather, Chief Bonne taking up another chair in a corner, Master Chief Williams sinks down into the seat at the end of the couch, and the captain wheels his desk chair to the other side of the small round coffee table, sitting opposite the group.
MAC Hopper stands against the door, out of the way.
“Apologies, gentlemen," Brenner begins, "My Executive Officer is out of country at the moment, so he’s unable to meet with you today, but he’ll be back by time we get underway again.”
“Of course, no worries here, sir.” Jeff waves him off, unnecessarily, “When are you setting sail?”
“We’ll be taking off in a week.”
“Only about half our sailors’ families are coming along,” Master Chief cuts in, “So we’ll have the room for you all to stay aboard while we’re underway, but you’ll have to have a skeleton crew to film.”
The wheels in Eddie’s head are already turning, “How skeleton are we talking?”
“Oh, of course.” He says, visibly relieved, “Let me track down Lieutenant Creel; He’s a great kid, been a friend of the family since he was in diapers.”
Eddie’s already shaking his head. "No sir, I said your most competent."
The captain's smile turns sour, so Eddie continues. "Someone point me to THE second class. You know the one, does it a little bit of everything, doesn’t slow down, probably salty as hell… Where are they? I need an enlisted person…No offense to your Lieutenant, sir.”
you also voted a handful or more for each other idea so i will link below each of the other posts for each other set of votes/sentences of the other options below!
casper | destiel pt. 6 | idiot | date pt. 2 | vamp
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#corroded coffin#rockstar!eddie x sailor!steve#rockstar!eddie#sailor!steve#wip weekend#noelle writes
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It's ass o'clock in the morning and I am full of spite, and I completely forgot that I can go on proper shipping rambles on my own blog. So. Enthusiastic discussion of Links kissing ahead, consider yourself warned.
Four's brain is kind of a mess. He's used to being talked down to a bit- he looks like he's ten even if he talks like he's forty, he has to speedrun a therapy session every morning to make sure he knows who and where he is, he's mostly one person except for the times he isn't, and he has nightmares about losing control. Keeping what little image he has is an active and constant battle, because pretending to be one person is hard. Even getting himself a cup of tea takes negotiation and teamwork. He's good at it because he has to be, but sometimes he really wishes people were like steel billets- sure they take work to shape, but it's satisfying work and the only variables are ones he's eminently equipped for. He needs control of one fucking thing in his life, he needs just one thing to be easy, and that thing is smithing. You could make an argument for monster hunting, but even that has... moments. Green can't fight people. Red wants to try diplomacy first and rampant arson second. So on.
I think Four can be extremely domestic and even sweet, occasionally chaotic, with the right person. But when it comes to kisses? You get about thirty seconds max of him trying to just relax into it before he grabs on and starts shaping his partner like steel, pressing them into the shape and movement and dynamic that he wants. He's at his most relaxed when he's getting exactly what he wants. Part of him likes a fight, part of him likes to be sweet, part of him's constantly taking notes on how to be more effective, part of him's just having fun, but the only way he's ever had a moment's peace is when he takes those methods and motives and acts. They're, quite frankly, incapable of sitting back and taking anything unless sufficiently bribed and/or curious.
Which is why it's a lot of fun for me to write him getting kisses, because if he doesn't have a plan he will acquire one.
Juxtaposed against Legend, who's really stressed and honestly would like to stop worrying about everything, or even Sky, who dearly needs someone to pull him out of his head and maybe tell him he's doing a good job? He's a fascinating fit. I also really, really love him with Hyrule, though honestly my logic there is "fae mischief hell yeah" and then they end up snuggling.
For some reason anytime I ponder locking Four in a figurative closet with Time, I get a visceral concept in my brain of Vio sitting up and mapping him out like a dangerous mountain to climb. Just for the challenge of it all. And science. Also Vio's got a certain flavor of forest-folk chicanery that fits well with Time's cryptid nature. Green, Blue, and Red are significantly less attracted to concepts like "what the fuck is wrong with him and can I perform experiments".
Alrighty, got that out of my system, time to make dinner.
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"but some people can’t stand it." tbh fans have always been weird about Lewis and his ships with his teammates. Nobody shipped Valewis when Valteri is probably Lewis' closest friend on the grid. It all goes back to Nico and the fall of Brocedes tbh, so much of Lewis' career is tied to him and that particular rivalry. Lewis is also super closed off (again thank you Nico), George and Mick are probably the two people he actually interacts with in some capacity. It's difficult to ship him with anyone tbh, I quite like Britcedes btw but I can see why people may not feel too comfortable.
People being weird is the tagline to fandom, you could present them with a perfect ship and someone would still hate it. In a way I appreciate the freedom it gives me to do whatever the fuck I want.
I don’t ship valewis either bc again, Monoshipper, but if you want valewis, anon, I should recommend @milflewis - I love platonic and especially bromantic valewis with my entire soul, but if you want romantic, Niamh is the way to go. You can also see @princemick for mick and Lewis. It’s not my ship, but Kyle would drown just trying to swim to that boat
I think with Lewis ships it comes down to a perfect storm of Lewis being genuinely quite reserved and protective of his interactive circles bc he’s got trust issues you can see from space, the fallout of brocedes, and people just not liking George and Val. Sewis is without a doubt popular for a reason, I love Seb as Lewis’ friend, but seb is also undeniably more popular than George or Val will probably ever be, and that’s why sewis is much bigger.
And that’s someone Lewis really likes, If you need proof of how some people prefer character over interaction, look at Ch*wis. If Lewis so much as stands near Charles half my dash gets filtered for the next few days. Val and George don’t get that hype, Val only gets slightly more favourable treatment now he’s not Lewis’ teammate anymore, and I’ve literally seen folks get mad at George for breathing (on radio). That’s the nature of fandom, people like what they like and gravitate toward it.
For me, I mean Lewis has naked framed photos of vals ass and secret pics of George’s tits, he takes ice baths with George and travels to tracks with Val, he posts about them both fairly often, but that tends to get swept under the “well they’re teammates” umbrella. Some people find that less interesting, I’m personally frothing at the mouth and shredding paper because of it, but that’s me.
The scars of brocedes run deep. I hate it with a passion, it’s one of the few ships I genuinely cannot stand. For some people I’d assume that means shipping Lewis with a teammate again is out of the question, but to me I think that actually adds to the allure of them.
Val taught Lewis he could trust a teammate again, that he could be friends with them again, that it was safe to be vulnerable and it wouldn’t be used against him. George compounds that by showing Lewis that even if he’s competing with his teammate, they can still love each other. They can still work together, they can still share a family, they can still grow together. George is louder than Val, different, he’s got a spark Lewis sees in himself and it also scares him because he remembers what he went through. But George has been with them since 2016, as long as cal, he hangs on Lewis’ every word even now and smiles like sunshine when Lewis glances at him, and Lewis has grown too, he’s not who he was in 2016, and he’s not Nico.
I love writing about Lewis and Val and George BECAUSE they are the tree that grew from rotten fruit, as a concept the three of them are about growth and change and recovery from trauma. They’re about understanding what George and Val go through as the teammates of the greatest of all time, but also them having to understand the unique fire Lewis was forged in and the pressures he is under. They are my addiction and I love teammate stories bc it’s the classic trope of together against it all, and of found family within Mercedes
#asks#anonymous#mark talks britcedes#mark talks ships#wank/rants#Niamh I hope you don’t mind the tag in the midst of a britcedes ramble
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