#finding queerness after infertility
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hiiii lantern, amber, & quilt please 🍂🎃🧡
Hi 🫦🫴🏼🫴🏼💦 (sorry) (🫦) (sorry)
🎃Lantern: best friend lore
Sorry babe you opened up the floodgates on this one.
I have several best friends and all their lore is remarkable. One of them I've known since I was four and we bonded over our love for spiders and playing dress up and wanting to marry each other instead of boys (ew). One of them introduced my husband and I to each other when we were all fifteen. We've all kept each other all these years and have survived a lot of shit. I quite literally wouldn't be here without her. One of them is my platonic soulmate I met as an adult and she is my James in that, there is no real word for what we are to each other but there doesn't really have to be. There's a lot of choice and intentionality in our relationship.
And this doesn't even cover the iron-clad relationships I have with several other important groups of people, who are all my family in every way that matters.
I have kind of a thing about friendships I think, about not being afraid to commit to them, to let the love in, to make all the long distance work. That's something I've learned about myself in adulthood.
And I think I also have to acknowledge my high school best friend here. We are still friends and love each other very much, but our relationship is different now from what it was fifteen years ago. Sometimes I wish I could tell her she was my first love, and I wish I had had the space and the language to have told her that back then.
😬Amber: Unpopular opinion
I really couldn't care less to debate fandom characterizations so I'll make this about something real bc it's my blog and I care about this.
TW: infertility, pregnancy, family separation, adoption, queer parenthood
I have learned a lot about the realities of the institution of adoption, things I didn't know until I started looking into it after I couldn't have biological children. After literal years of research, therapy, following and listening to the voices of adult adoptees, I largely don't support adoption, at least in the way most Americans/Westerners consider it. I am RABID about the intersectionality between children's liberation and queer liberation, not to mention all the other identities that overlap when you're discussing these topics: race, class, sex, gender, religion, etc.
*THIS POST IS NOT COMING FOR ANYONE I promise. Also, just to spell it out in case there was a shed of doubt, I do not believe a set type of person or people is better suited to raise a family than another. BEING A GOOD PARENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR GENDER OR ORIENTATION. I just happen to occupy a very unique little corner of the evangelical>infertile>queer agnostic pipeline that gives me unpopular opinions on, say, a lot of adoption tropes in queer fanfic. Tropes i would have seen absolutely nothing wrong with before learning from adoptees. I am thrilled to point people to resources and activists in this space if you would like to learn more. I am also thrilled to ignore/block/delete anyone wanting to have an argument on the godforsaken internet. That's not for this page, pick another one 😊
Tldr: adoption tropes in fic and media in general---epecially baby-on-the-doorstep/infant adoption--is not a viable happily ever after ending for a queer couple to me.
Uh.... next question, I guess??
☕️Quilt: How I take my tea/coffee
Coffee. And it's oatmilk. Not picky but I do love a nespresso with oatmilk or a nitro cold brew with oatmilk. I have also been known to order a cappuccino.
Does anyone even want to play after that dumpsterfire
#this got... very far away from me#ask game#autumn asks#blackberry tag#thank you for indulging me i hope i didnt ruin your entire day with my bullshit#on friendship#finding queerness after infertility#TW adoption#tw infertility
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The Secret Song Series Masterlist
All banners and lines by @awrkive
Summary: Jungkook lost his heart pretty much as soon as he saw Sasha Prazdnikova in Little Bean coffee shop, and hers didn't actually wait much longer. But life as a world-famous idol isn't easy, and life as an idol's girlfriend might be even worse, especially when Sasha already has her own stressful career and her own personal demons from a painful childhood of abuse and trauma. Their love and admiration for each other are clear, but is it enough to hold them together through the years? How can a relationship survive when your love story has to be sung through secret songs?
Idol AU Jungkook x Russian-American OC
Includes other members x other OC relationships as well
WHOLE SERIES CW: explicit sex, alcohol, drugs, hard drug use, serious mental health issues, unhealthy coping mechanisms, references to self harm/suicide, references to/healing after child abuse and sex trafficking, anxiety, depression, PTSD, infertility, poverty, queerness and identity, unhealthy past relationships, abusive parents, alcoholism & addiction in loved ones, STDs, pregnancy scare, childbirth complications, harassment (sexual and non-sexual), celebrity scandal, enlistment
Explicit sex over the course of the series includes but is not limited to: first time, oral sex, vaginal sex w/o condoms, anal sex, tons of cum, semi-public sex, public sex, masturbation, marathon sex, explicit photos & videos, failed sex, period sex, drunk sex, porn consumption, hand jobs and fingering, one night stands, sex toys, sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol
This story DOES NOT include: depictions of graphic sexual assault, dub-con, depictions of suicide or self harm, scenes involving underage sex, or graphic excessive violence
Summary: Nothing has been normal for Jungkook since he moved to Seoul to become a trainee as a boy, and yet noticing a beautiful girl in a coffee shop is the most normal thing a young man can do. Asking her out, super normal. Falling in love, totally normal. Everything about Sasha makes him feel normal and important, and yet nothing can ever be truly normal when your relationship has to be secret.
CW: explicit sex, first time sex, virgin Jungkook, mature language, alcohol, references to drug use, past sexual abuse, noona kink, panic attacks, anxiety, PTSD, sexual harassment, physical assault
Read the full story on AO3 - Complete - 536k words
Summary: Tour has ended but life only moves faster as Jungkook prepares for another album and Sasha gets exciting new career opportunities she just can’t say no to. What seems so pure and strong on summer vacation struggles under the onslaught of external pressures, internal demons, and missed connections. How can they ever find stability together when both their lives are so full of churn? And if the currents do tear them apart, how will they find their way back to each other?
AN: The fluff gets fluffier, the angst gets angstier, everyone will suffer, and if you’re looking for a simple idolverse AU, this isn’t it, as mental health issues for both Sasha and Jungkook really take the stage in this story and it's much angstier than Little Bean. But I promise happiness after the storm!
CW: Explicit sex, mature language, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, major angst, terrible decisions, reckless behavior, STDs, drug use, anal sex, semi-public sex, casual sex, oral sex, unprotected sex, unhealthy coping mechanisms, disordered eating, weight talk
Read the whole story on AO3 - Complete - 711k words
Book 3, 4, and 5 still to come...
JJK & SP: The B-Sides
One-shots, drabbles, Tumblr answers, etc that relate to Jungkook and/or Sasha
Read all on AO3 | Read on Tumblr:
- Please Tell Me This Isn’t Why You Woke Me Up
- I Have Secrets You Don’t Know About
- Would you still love me if I was a worm?
- JK and the perilla leaf
- JK gets a Harley
RM: Mono to Stereo
Vignettes, one shots, notes, drabbles, song lyrics, whatever gets scratched on the notepad of Kim Namjoon's life in a fit of muse. Out of place, out of time, seemingly unconnected, when strung together, they tell the story of a search for purpose, an unearthing of identity, the growth of a man who finds himself suddenly too close to the sun.
There IS an overarching plot but the path is not direct and "chapters" are not in chronological order.
Read all on AO3 | Read on Tumblr:
- Camp Hookups - September 2020
- A Breakup - June 2019
V: The Man
One-shots, drabbles, Tumblr answers, etc. that relate to Taehyung in this universe.
Read all on AO3 | Read on Tumblr:
- Against A Tree
more to come <3 <3 <3
#jungkook ff#jeon jungkook ff#jungkook x oc#jeon jungkook x oc#jungkook fanfic#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#bts idol au#idol jk x oc#namjoon fanfic#namjoon ff#kim namjoon ff#namjoon x oc#namjoon angst#taehyung ff#kim taehyung ff#taehyung fanfic
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Listen up, anyone considering egg freezing!
As of right now I am curled up with a cup of tea and a heat pack, recovering from surgery. So I thought I’d give you an overview of my experience as a trans man getting my eggs frozen to preserve my fertility before going on testosterone.
Why did I do it?
We never know what the future holds. While I doubt I will detransition, ever want to be pregnant or become infertile, there is a possibility of all three of these things happening. Preserving my eggs means I can still have children, no matter what happens.
I have a beautiful partner who preserved her sperm before starting estrogen three years ago. She only did it at the request of her mother, thinking that being seen as ‘fathering’ her children and watching her partner go through pregnancy instead of her would be too heartbreaking and distressing for her to cope with. She thought she would just adopt. After a couple of years of hormone therapy, she became more comfortable in her body, and is now desiring to have children with a partner - specifically me.
After meeting my girlfriend, I realised it wasn’t that I didn’t want kids; it was that I didn’t want kids alone, and I couldn’t imagine anyone ever loving me enough or loving someone else enough to have children with them. That all changed when I met her. I want to have children with her.
When it comes to adoption, only 1 in every 30 couples looking to adopt gets to adopt a child. This number is even lower for queer couples in my country. It is also now illegal to adopt from many places overseas due to corruption in the adoption industry.
I considered fostering, but after learning about the high rates of Aboriginal children taken from their families and placed in the care of white people, disconnected from culture, country and their people, I was horrified. 2% of the Australian population is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, yet over 40% of kids in foster care are Aboriginal. We are not past the Stolen Generations. Every year we apologise for something we are still actively doing to these kids and their families. I will play no role in that.
There is a part of me that wants biological children. It is present in many people and isn’t something to be ashamed of. Adopted children are absolutely their adoptive parents’ children. But I suppose there’s a part of me that wants my kids to inherit some of the things I love about my partner. I know this sounds selfish, but that is what love does to you sometimes.
Even if I did decide to go down the road to adoption, I don’t believe I am qualified to raise a child with severe trauma. All children who are taken from their families, even for the right reasons, are traumatised. Every child who feels abandoned is traumatised. I am disabled as it is and need help myself. Taking on the responsibility of raising a child who needs specialised support is something I would prefer to avoid if I can. Obviously all pregnancy comes with the chance that your child will have extra needs or accomodations, but I want to give myself the best shot at being a good parent that I can. This means waiting until I am absolutely stable and in a position to raise a child, and giving my child the best shot at being healthy.
What made me consider not doing it?
The dysphoria that the process would bring made me reconsider. I knew I would have to have a period first, then go through a series of hormone shots that simulated early pregnancy. I knew my breasts would get sore and that this may prevent me from binding. I knew that I would become bloated and almost look pregnant. I knew I would have extra estrogen, a hormone I did not want a lot of, running through my body.
The general side effects, disregarding gender dysphoria, were not going to be fun either. Bloating, nausea, soreness, mood swings, increased emotional sensitivity etc are not fun to deal with for anyone.
The likelihood of even finding a surrogate was low. Paid surrogacy is not legal in Australia, so it would have to be what is called ‘altruistic surrogacy’, or someone who chooses to carry the baby without being paid (though their hospital bills are covered by the parents). My best shot at a surrogate at the moment is my own mother, but she is turning sixty this month. Many people I know or who are in my family would be at risk of suffering complications from pregnancy and I absolutely do not want any harm to come to the person who chooses to do this for us.
The scans were an inevitable but horrible reality. These scans, as it turns out, can be done trans abdominally if you push enough and go through doctors until you find someone willing. I did not know this. All my scans were trans vaginal. These scans feel invasive and can be painful, especially if you haven’t experienced penetration before.
A timeline of my experience (with the occasional picture):
Day 1: stopping Slinda.
The first day of my treatment I stopped taking my birth control pill. This had been stopping my periods for over a year.
Day 2-30
I felt horrible. It was like my system was being flooded with poison. I cried. I wanted to kill myself. My dysphoria was terrible. Around day 30 my period finally came, but it was weak and there was never a day of full bleeding. So we started toward the end of my very short cycle.
Day 1 of hormone shots:
I went to the pharmacy with my partner and a kind lady explained everything we needed to know about the injections I was going to take. We were given three types of medication: overleap, orgalutran and a trigger shot. The overleap stimulated the follicles, causing them to swell. The orgalutran prevented the eggs from being released. The trigger shot was to release the eggs. I took my first dose of overleap that evening, then again at 10am the next morning. I took overleap at 10am each morning for around 30 days. I started on a dose of 75mls, as I was young, healthy and fertile, and they didn’t want to risk OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome).
Day 7:
By now I was feeling pretty awful. The stabs weren’t too bad, but they stung occasionally. My partner injected them for me. I had started the orgalutran by this point. I had my first scan, which I had to travel an hour and a half for. The doctor doing the scan was male and not particularly sensitive to my situation. I shut down and cried afterwards and wouldn’t have sex for a week following due to severe genital dysphoria.
Day 14:
I had my second scan. This time it was with another male doctor who was much more gentle and kinder than the first one. I felt far more comfortable with him. The eggs still weren’t big enough.
Day 18:
I had my third scan, which was with the same nice man as before. I got the bad news via a phone call: my eggs weren’t responding to the medication, and they thought I should call off the shots and start again next cycle. There was no way in hell I was doing that, so I asked for another option. They said they could increase the dose of Overleap to 150mls. I thought about it for a while, and spoke with my mum, dad and partner for their opinions. In the end, I decided to double the dose and push on. They said in that case I would need to come down to be scanned by my main doctor, who worked in a city four hours from my home town.
Day 21:
we drove four hours to the city. By this time I was extremely bloated. We managed to do some nice things, like go out for dinner with my parents and try out a bagel place. I bought myself a new sweater, a wooden vest, and some fun socks.
Day 23:
My doctor scanned me for the fourth time. The eggs were responding well to the medication, but only two were big enough to retrieve. She thought I should wait another week and come down again, and hopefully they should be able to retrieve at least five eggs. She clearly thought we should start the whole thing over again because ‘I can do better than that’, but I was adamant that if this failed, I wasn’t trying again.
Day 27:
I began to question again whether any of this was worth it. I just wanted to end the process and move on with my life. I didn’t realise how close I was to the finish line. Every moment felt like hell. I was bloated and emotional and sore and I just wanted it to end.
Day 29:
We drove to the city again. This time we didn’t do anything fun. My girlfriend had to pull over halfway there and get picked up by my mum. She was exhausted and hadn’t been sleeping well from the whole process.
Day 30:
I was scanned by the doctor again. This time, it was immediately clear that my ovaries looked different. She counted ten on one side and didn’t bother to count the other side. I was ready for surgery the next day.
Day 31:
I went to the day hospital at 7:45am. My girlfriend wasn’t allowed in the waiting room with me due to Covid, so I was alone. As I was filling out my sheet, I noticed my gender had been marked as female. I asked if they needed my biological sex or my gender. As it turns out, it didn’t matter at all. I wondered why they bothered to ask if it was irrelevant.
In the nurse’s notes, a handwritten sentence was bolted with pink highlighter: ‘REFER TO AS MR [surname].’ I was glad they were trying, especially considering how gendered the surgery itself was.
I got changed into my cap and gown and a pair of grippy orange socks that I got to keep.
I then waited until the anaesthetist came to speak with me. He was slightly odd and a little abrasive, but I ignored this and made sure not to mention that my dad was an anaesthetist too. I felt like that would probably get us off on the wrong foot.
In the operating theatre, there was the same pop music playing as everywhere else in the hospital. The anaesthetist put a needle in he vein of my elbow, which I believe contained propofol. This wasn’t a general anaesthetic, just heavy sedation. They put an oxygen mask on my face. The last thing I remember was one of the doctors attaching a brace like prop for my legs to sit on. I don’t remember actually putting my legs on it.
It felt like no time had passed when I woke up. I assumed I was still in theatre until I was told otherwise. I vaguely remember having a weird sex dream. My dad tells me this is the propofol. My nose itched. The nurse laughed and blamed the fentanyl.
I was unusually chatty and bright, but my stomach hurt. They gave me some endone. This took the edge off.
They gave me a large triple choc cookie, some tea, and a glass of water. The first thing they told me was that hey managed to retrieve 28 eggs. I was ecstatic. I texted my girlfriend, mum and dad immediately.
Later, they told me that of those 28 eggs, 15 were mature enough to freeze and 3 more were almost mature enough and had been frozen too. I had essentially done two egg collections in one, and was at risk of OHSS. My girlfriend picked me up and drove us to the accomodation.
Day 31-33
Over these past few days I’ve been sore. It’s difficult to move without hurting my belly and lower abdomen. I’m still very bloated. The surgery itself had consisted of guiding a needle through the vaginal wall and retrieving the follicles from the ovaries, which were drained, and the eggs collected. The actual surgery site didn’t really hurt at all and there was minimal bleeding. The real pain is coming from where my swollen ovaries have been messed around, poked and prodded. They are also pressing on my bladder and uterus, so passing urine, gas and bowel movements can be painful. It also hurts to use my abdominal muscles for adjusting my position, laughing, hiccuping, yawning etc. I have to walk with slow, short steps.
Was it worth it?
Yes. Now that it’s over and i never have to do it again, I can safely say I am relieved to have preserved my fertility. Now I can move forward with my life: I’m seeing my hormone doctor on the 10th of may, who will prescribe me a low dose of testosterone gel. I can’t wait.
I would recommend preserving fertility if you can before medical transition. You never know what your future self might want, and self care is all about having compassion for your future self, even if it means sacrificing your comfort in the present.
Whatever you choose to do or whatever reason you are undergoing egg collection, know that you are doing something harrowing and brave.
After I have had my children (which will be a number of years in the future) I plan to donate the remainder of my eggs to those who need them on their own fertility journey. Knowing I’ve helped another couple or single parent build a family is compensation enough for what I’ve been through.
#ivf hospital#ivfjourney#IVF#ivf#trans#transgender#healthcare#reproductive health#fertility#hormones#medical transition#transition#gender affirmation
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I just found your blog and wanted to ask about your sobriety journey if you're open to sharing! Love finding other sober people - I have been sober for five years. <3
I love to talk about my sobriety journey!!! Congratulations on 5 years that’s amazing!
So it took me a long time to realize that I had a problem with alcohol because my experience didn’t look like the typical “alcoholic” experience portrayed in books and media. I was a binge drinker in college, it helped me connect socially and also I think helped mask some of the queer stuff (a lot easier to hook up with men drunk for me!) but in addition to being a binge drinker I also still did well in school and was an EMT and had no trouble not drinking for a few weeks, I just often drank way too much when I did drink.
After college this kind of continued. I would be fine for the most part and then occasionally get way too drunk and make bad decisions or just be a dick. After getting super drunk at a work party in 2017 I realized that I had a problem with alcohol because alcohol was becoming a problem for me. I drank more than I wanted to, it definitely wasn’t adding anything positive to my life, and I had a lot of trouble moderating. It was super freeing for me to realize I didn’t have to meet some arbitrary definition of an “alcoholic” to stop drinking. I could just…stop. I realized I loved the idea of being able to just be like “oh I don’t drink”. I’d never have to worry about having too many or making an ass out of myself (due to drinking anyways). I could just have no alcohol.
So I did! I stopped drinking alcohol entirely and realized that for me, not having that first drink was SO MUCH easier than not having a fourth drink and it freed up so much brain space because I literally didn’t have to think about how much I was gonna drink. I just always would have zero drinks. Social events, especially weddings and things were tough at first, but realized having something non alcoholic in my hand always helps (seltzer and cranberry juice or grapefruit juice at weddings or bars if I went and I’d always bring seltzer or something in my purse to social events at peoples houses) but overall it was just so much better.
I’m also SO happy I stopped drinking before trying to get pregnant because it definitely would’ve been a problem when going through infertility and later postpartum depression and anxiety. And also I just cannot imagine parenting with a hangover. It’s been about 6.5 years and it’s one of the best choices I ever made.
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Intersex Book Club reviews The Deep
Last week we convened for a lovely discussion of The Deep by Rivers Solomon. Before I proceed to a summary of our thoughts on the book, I (@ipsogender) have a few things I wanna make clear to perisex (non-intersex) readers upfront:
PSA: Intersex is not the same as biological hermaphrodism. Biological hermaphrodism means members of a given species can reproduce as both male or female, whether at the same time (simultaneous hermaphrodism / cosexuality) or one at a time (sequential hermaphroditism / dichogamy).
Intersex humans cannot reproduce as both male and female. Intersex means we have primary and/or secondary sex characteristics that deviate from what is considered “typical” for our species. Intersex is a big umbrella term comprising dozens of known intersex variations. Common kinds of intersex presentations in humans include female humans with well-developed facial hair and male humans with developed breasts. Many intersex people can reproduce, but many intersex people struggle with infertility. Do not use the h-word to refer to intersex humans. It is a slur when used to refer to intersex people. [/END PSA]
Moving onto the discussion summary (mild spoilers after the cut):
WHAT MAKES THIS BOOK INTERSEX
It’s written by an openly intersex author \o/
Like in The Fortunate Fall we an intersex author using sea creatures as a metaphor for intersex (mermaids this time). As we talked about there it’s a rich source of metaphor for fiction writers since the ocean is a place that is foreign yet familiar.
In The Deep, there is an discussion of how humans let their genitals hang out, unlike the mermaids (and most sea creatures) who have internal genitals. We discussed that the mermaid as metaphor for intersex people allows for a sort of “Schrodinger’s genitals” - it allows for a de-emphasis on genitals since they are hidden while also normalizing that you could get anything if you get close enough to somebody to find out. 😉
In this book, the mermaids (waijinru) can reproduce as both male or female, and when mating can engage both at the same time - similar to how snails mate. (In biology this is known as cosexuality.) The book was very matter-of-fact in a way that attendees noted as normalizing and accessible.
Creating a fantastical species that is cosexual allows Solomon to resist and play with ideas of perinormativity, encouraging readers to think of humanoids that are not limited to perinormative ideas of sex binaries. (Please note: the waijinru themselves are not intersex, see PSA above.)
SNAPSHOT TAKES
@scifimagpie: “ ‘What if boundaries’ turned out well”
Also @scifimagpie: “It’s reverse Little Mermaid” and it even had a comb
Élaina: The book gets at how we need to spread the grief and the joy around in society. Liked at how the book gets at how disabling it is to hold the trauma, to be the historian. It is isolating for her, even though she's venerated but the isolation can be objectifying.
vic: Rivers Solomon has a style of writing that is unapologetically themself
POSITIVES
Raw, visceral depiction of autistic experience
Queer joy! Instead of being about isolation it’s about togetherness. Instead of mortality it’s about continuity. And a happy ending!
Nuanced exploration of the tensions between community/self, grief/joy, and past/present
Despite the heavy topic, there was a buoyancy from all the sharing and love
Nice to have casual but explicit intersex representation
Subverts “The Chosen One’ trope
Has a disabled protagonist who struggles with their disability and the resolution is not cure, but social change to accommodate them! More please!
Representation of vicarious trauma. So much discussion of trauma in our society focuses only on traumas that are personally experienced. But people can be traumatized by seeing people they identify with who go experience violence. We talked about historians who study eugenics and genocides can be traumatized by it, and how in academia we don’t really have enough supports for mitigating this.
MIXED REACTIONS
Opinion was divided on the writing style but pacing/rhythm was a common complaint
Depictions of sensory experiences of waijinru. Some stuff on smelling and feeling currents and some very handwavy electric (field?) communication but still wound up feeling very human in how the world was depicted. Some of us felt it didn’t go far enough in making the waijru feel nonhuman, but vic shared the idea that the book had been written in waijinru language and translated to human for humans.
A bit of audism - characters were described as not having concepts of things until they learnt spoken language, which felt like Hellen Keller flim flam. Keller knew dozens of signs before Anne Sullivan was her teacher, and used them to communicate with her family. There was no mention of sign language though there are multiple places it would have made more sense (inter-species communication, communicating with deaf waijinru).
The post-narrative discussion. I (@ipsogender) appreciated the citational practice, particularly given calls for citational practice in music. But I hated the telephone metaphor, not only is it used to dismiss oral histories as unreliable but it also felt dismissive of Solomon’s work, and others also felt it was kind of condescending.
Some of us were put off by the trans-Atlantic slave trade being described as “the world’s greatest holocaust the world has ever known”. Not only does this set up some sort of oppression olympics, the slave trade was atrocious in ways that were distinct from the holocaust, such as that the children of slaves were born into slavery. However, Élaina pointed out that in France right now there is an effort by black people to get French people to recognize their role in the slave trade, that it actually was a severe atrocity, and so this sort of language is invoked to convince denialists that this was in fact a massive atrocity.
NOTABLE DISCUSSIONS
The practice and methods for telling history (historiography). The book makes a subtle argument against having a historian be detached from the history & communities they are studying, that they need to be engaged and appreciate their role in it. The book also argues for spreading the load around. And we talked about how rituals can be borne from history – as vic put it, the character “Zoti [the first historian] was just a guy, y’know” and it wasn’t a given that the cultural practices of Rememberance and having one sole historian would emerge from the waijinru’s origins.
Cultural expectations of duty. Everybody in the call came from a different cultural background and we talked about differing cultural expectations of duty, such as utang na lob in Filipino culture, and how Brazil’s culture is different from Canada’s.
The book makes an argument that humans need to know where we’re from and what our histories are. We spent time talking about this both sociologically - how many settler colonists and descendents of slaves feel this lack of connection because of a lack of sense of connection to land and history - but also personally. For those of us coming from cultures that gave us a sense of historicity we talked about how it’s a double-edged sword, and how the history can feel like a drag.
Humans and forgetting mass trauma. We had a discussion about whether to remember vs re-enact in memorializing mass traumas. One participant put out an idea that historical mass traumas haunt people for a long time after, and we talked about how this isn’t necessarily the case, as humans are experts at denial. We talked about the active denial going on about the covid pandemic, how people at the start of the covid pandemic called it “unprecedented” because of how society had actively worked to forget AIDS (and previous SARS epidemics). We talked about how people and societies actively deny genocides, such as how Turks continue to deny the genocide of Armenians, Greeks, Kurds & Assyrians. Which ties back to how there’s a need for Europeans to recognize and appreciate the magnitude and horror of the trans-Atlantic slave trade.
READ IF YOU LIKED
The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas
The Giver
Leviathan Falls (Expanse #9)
Works by Rivers Solomon, Akwaeke Emezi
#intersex book club#intersex books#intersex literature#intersex fiction#queer fiction#book club#queer literature#queer books#actually autistic#autistic books#rivers solomon#the deep#intersex#queer scifi#queer fantasy#book reviews#book review#book summaries
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Five Things You Might Find in My Fics
@oldshrewsburyian tagged me in this and I love navel-gazing about my own writing. Of course all of this is in the context of my only really writing stuff for one fandom/set of characters but there are certainly multiple routes one could take with them and I definitely have recurring themes...
Spirituality, sexuality, and their intersections. My main characters, after all, are a polyamorous triad (they don't call themselves that obvs) consisting of two queer men and a woman who are varying levels of devout ranging from "very much and genuinely" to "has a lot of issues but is glad to have his partners in his corner." I've done a lot of work to make their (very healthy and loving) relationship feel grounded and believable in a very religious and also very sex-negative medieval culture without just making everything constant angst, and I think that's also helped me to incorporate the characters' religious beliefs more consistently throughout and to think about the issue in more depth.
Struggles with infertility. This is, again, part and parcel of the subject matter, as I'm dealing with historical figures whose childlessness was a major crisis in their lives and for the realm as a whole, but I've come back to it a lot especially in recent years and I kind of suspect this is a result of hitting my forties and still being single and kind of thinking about how I'll almost certainly never have kids and while this isn't a major source of angst in my life, it's something I do kinda turn over in my head once in a while (my attitude towards it was always "I'll worry about it if I ever meet anyone I'd actually want to start a family with"). The flip side of this is that I write a lot of fluffy or at least ultimately-ending-happily fics where Richard and Anne do manage to have some kids about whom I have lots of elaborate headcanons because I'm a dweeb.
Czech stuff. There's not a ton of fiction that has Anne of Bohemia as a major character but of the stuff that's out there, none of it really deals much with her home culture although it usually mentions that she was coming from the cultural center of Europe to the edge of it. Of course, the imperial court was a major locus for the International Gothic artistic movement but I do like to foreground Anne's Slavic heritage -- her father placed a lot of emphasis on his Bohemian ancestry, and also it's something unique that Anne and her entourage being to the English court. In general I want to emphasize that she comes from a specific cultural context that's generally been overlooked by English speakers, and that involves both giving some sense of her family as people with distinct personalities and also specific references to the literature, language, and culture of her homeland.
Medieval literature. I mean, obviously I also have a lot of direct references to English (and French) literature, music, culture, and so forth, because I'm a manuscript librarian with a Ph.D. in English literature so of course I do. (There are also a lot of manuscript references and I always forget that they would just call them books.) Although there's not as much Chaucer as you would expect, largely because I tend to modernize my quotes (the language is modern to them) and it's hard to do that to Chaucer.
Fluff. I think this is mostly a "since the pandemic" thing. In the present moment it feels like the preference in the teeny histories fandom is more for darker stuff so I do feel like I'm a bit out of touch, but idk, other than the novelthing which is pretty miserable that hasn't been where my heart is lately. Anyway they all die young and in upsetting ways so they should get to have a bit of a nice time first.
It looks like we're supposed to tag five people so I'm tagging @skeleton-richard, @themalhambird, @heartofstanding, @titleleaf, and @maplelantern :)
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So I binged blood origin... (spoilers ahead)
Jaskier's new song is chefs kiss 👌👌 (but it's not bear mccreary's which is a shame)
The show was... meh? For me it was really hard to care about any of the characters because there were so many of them and only four episodes.
They introduced a bard whose nickname is the Lark?? Are you kidding me netflix?? Eile was really cool though (and sophia brown is gorgeous) even thought at times she was a bit much (like the speech to the crowd who started singing her song like she's the mockingjay)
Couldn't care less about any of the other characters except the gay dwarf lady with the hammer and michelle yeoh
Especially didn't give a fuck about any of the elves in ye olde cintra
Can't believe that they finally allowed gay people on the continent and jaskier still hasn't kissed any men (also it's really funny that the only queer characters are an evil empire dude who apparently is the antagonist in the games and of course a woman with a dead lover)
Canon bi jaskier tho? (as if it wasn't obvious - the man wrote multiple love/break-up songs about geralt)
Creating the first witcher seemed too easy but it ended rather poorly so maybe they should have spent more than a night making him
The romance... eh insta love and of course she got pregnant after shagging once (also wasn't he already a witcher? And thus infertile?? Am I insane? Did the writers forget that rather important bit of lore?) (also I am so sorry but the scene when he turned into a monster and she brought him back with the power of love... the hulk and natasha and the sun is going down)
It was very obvious that scian didn't betray them and planned the new hope esque pretending to deliver a prisoner plan
I have no idea that the empress lady wanted to achieve. Suddenly everyone was starving and they wanted to find resources on other planes instead of just planting food? She wanted to conquer unknown worlds by sending there like six soldiers?? I get killing your brother who wants to sell you to the highest bidder but i don't know her other motivations.
Also the elves were really just humans with pointy ears? And maybe there is something to say about the fact that they built their empire on dwarven bones and humans did the same with elves but i wish the elves were more... alien? Their architecture, clothes, culture, anything really. They were too similar to humans.
(Is the shitty mage who failed to open the portal shakespeare in the sandman?? it was driving me crazy from the moment he showed up)
The moment any show introduces time travel out of nowhere it goes to shit so good luck to the witcher universe
Also because of how it was shot half of the audience now thinks that jaskier is the person who is descendant from eile and fjall... god knows I want immortal jaskier but it's rather obvious that it's ciri who's supposed to end the song or whatever they were talking about
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if you don't mind my asking, what do you like to write about? any particular genres or types of stories you like creating?
what a WONDERFUL ask tbh. <3 I'm gonna go off a bit sry in advanced sp
I've always been into science fiction, fantasy, supernatural, action/adventure & thriller/suspense the most. I wrote 2 novels (it was supposed to be a trilogy) in my teen years involving these elements! it's called The Trial and it sucks, lmfao. I also have several short stories and novellas under my belt, editing accolades, and four poetry collections, three of which were published before I was 16 c:
in recent years though I've carved out a niche for myself. I primarily write queer erotica and medical dramas and was makin pretty decent money off of it, but I had to close commissions about a year ago for my mental/physical health. :c there is a reason why I keep an entirely separate blog for it lmao but I honestly love to talk about it.
I wrote a 200,000 trilogy in ten months flat, from Dec 2020 to Oct 2021. it blew up in my sub-community and has somewhat of a cult following. I actually created it as a love letter to a friend, and that's why the driving conflict is so weird and sexy lol. but I'm gonna b a lil more open abt than usual it because its fucking FAG MONTH BABEY!!!! kink belongs @ pride and w.e so it's basically this:
a colony of aliens is at risk of total extinction after a natural disaster decimated their planet and irradiated its inhabitants to almost complete infertility. earth, largely a planet that has not yet formally had contact with other intelligent beings, is contacted by this colony - they want to trade technology and information in exchange for "help" saving their dying race. in this world, capitalism fell, and deep space travel has been widely accessible for about half a century - the colony contacting the Global Governing Body is not a random event; unbeknownst to the humans, it was inadvertently put in motion by one of the original "separatists" (earth defectors).
the story revolves around two transmasculine main characters: one an enigmatic surgeon with a traumatic past, the other a bubbly but intensely focused scholar of the emergent field of xenopharmacology. the latter is just starting his transition at the beginning of this story, and the medical side of it - with all the neat scifi bells & whistles to go with it - is explored and described at length. they are both employed by the government program that was created specifically to serve/interface with the alien colony, and over the course of the plot, they realize they've been deeply in love.
by the second & third books, they find themselves at the centre of an extensive conspiracy driven by cultural trauma & steeped in human experimentation, genocide, and military conquest. it's all really quite elaborate for some niche as fuck porn lmfao and I've considered revising it for a more wide-spread appeal, but I've decided against it.
the revision I've started is so that I can do all the lore and worldbuilding that was born of the writing process, actual justice. I started rewriting in the manic period that occurred just before my most recent suicide attempt actually lol but the notes are both extensive and mind-bogglingly coherent and I'm excited to see it thru. (and it definitely doesn't hurt that my fans are climbing out of the woodwork to tell me how fucking excited they are for the reboot!!!!)
thanks for this ask. it gave me such a mood boost to talk abt this a bit :3
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* wishlist !
SLICE OF LIFE
marriage, babies, infertility, adoption - all is welcome, at all times!
the president of the usa came to power as a single person and then falls in love at the beginning of their term - with someone of the same sex. how will america react?
partners at the police - or a detective and a medical examiner - don’t like each other and it’s a slow burn towards a romance, would LOVE to have it be set in the 70s or 80s. preferably QUEER.
divorced people falling back in love after their divorce is finalized.
bully and bullying victim falling for each other 10+ years after high school ended
people getting together who have very different religious backgrounds
tw transphobia - is love blind? when one party of a cis, straight couple comes out as trans - how will it affect the partner? will they be accepting, or not? will they question their own identity, explore or simply refuse to continue the relationship?
polyamorous pairings! yes!
give me a liberal x conservative talk show host f/f pairing. like… s*rah haines x m*ghan mccain vibes or something. like they’re on a show like the v*ew and one can be married or both single, and they spar on the show but eventually fall in love… ugh the back stage make out sessions. please, someone - gimme
ROYALTY
lgbtqia+ royal x lgbtqia+ royal - modern times - they are in love and ready to rest the bounds of their countries’ laws.
lgbtqia+ royal x lgbtqia+ royal - modern or historical times - a lavender marriage between two gay royals to produce an heir and a spare, but maybe they end up becoming friends? or even more? or are they a groundbreaking couple who give each other room to have other partners outside of the marriage? could be mumu.
lgbtqia+ royal x lgbtqia+ commoner / lower nobility - historical times - they met and fell in love. to be able to marry, they must go to fairly extreme lengths, where the commoner’s gender expression becomes so that when they wed, everyone assumes they are male and female - but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
lgbtqia+ royal x lover
lgbtqia+ royal x multiple wives/husbands/partners
HISTORICAL
the roman empire, set in the greek world, exploring ancient cultures - i’m all for it! based on assassin's creed maybe.
rich x poor - completely forbidden, they aren’t meant for each other, and a super unlikely couple but they try to make it work.
queer couples in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s - yes!
FUTURISTIC
based on detroit become human. a human and an android fall in love. i’d love for them to fight for android rights, adopt a child, etc.
partners are assigned based on DNA tests or personality compatibility tests.
WARTIME
when the men are off at war (set in either wwi or wwii), two married women who are alone find comfort in each other’s arms. what will they do when their husbands return? will they sneak around? will they be able to distance themselves from each other? will their husbands find out? will they divorce, lose their children or will the two couples learn to… appreciate each other?
two soldiers at war who fall in love - either fighting for the same country/alliance or even enemies on the battle field - this can be in modern or ancient times.
SMUT
a/b/o plots are definitely wanted, and i love to do some world-building around it. different packs (natural packs who live in the woods, urban packs who live in cities, etc). i’m open to arranged pairs, or forbidden pairings
cults. give me all the smutty cults.
post-apocalyptic repopulation plots are always wanted. assigned partners and deadlines for producing children - literally.
set in a D/s world where there are specific rituals to claim a partner (submissives choose their dominants before power is freely given to the dominant, either role proposes a match and they draw up a contract, public ‘mating’ rituals to make a claim, dominants just pick and choose a random submissive, etc)
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Tag Game
okay, onto my next email in my post-vacation catch-up: this delightful tag from @blackberry-sunset aka brown eyed dream girl ok here we go.
are you named after anybody? my middle name is an old family name, otherwise no.
when was the last time you cried? you know it has been a minute i am probably due. wait no i take that back i cried last thursday after a woof of a convo with my mother.
do you have kids? what a question Tumblr, who are you my mother? (see above). no, i have endometriosis, and now have the iud and am in love with pain-free and child-free life and in fact is a big reason i found myself here in the first place (if my body can't make a baby, might as well see what other shit it can get up to) (oh turns out i can write gay porn based on children's fantasy books cool) (also i like girls huh who'd have thought)
do you use sarcasm a lot? ??? we are fic writers? of course we are sarcastic little shits??? like literally look at my last sentence
what’s the first thing you notice about other people? def their style. i am that cliche partnered late-in-life queer bloomer who is all about "your vibe." specifically? shoes and hair probably. which is hilarious considering my hair is usually in a messy bun and i'm usually in birks. which, i guess, does give you an accurate picture. rip me
what’s your eye colour? blue-green, the kind that changes
scary movies or happy endings? Blackberry said it best: "real life is scary enough, why would i want that in my fiction :( "
any special talents? besides being horny on main? and like, writing? i paint and i give really good touches/massages
where were you born? idk this is too identifying for me so I'll just say USA
what are your hobbies? Blackberry ALSO said it best with "procrastinating." I will add pestering my husband literally 24/7 I love writing simping Sirius bc i relate so so hard
do you have any pets? my angel baby puppy dog!!! (she is not a puppy nor is she a human baby. but I treat her like one)
how tall are you? Lol I'm keeping Blackberry's answer here too: "tall enough to ride! ;) i’m 5′4″ (162cm), basic girl height"
favourite subject in school? oh babes you KNOW it was theater. I liked English too. But i was born an attention whore from day 1. but only for the stage. at a party I AM NOT TO BE PERCEIVED. but i *am* to be invited. and i am to be admired from afar for my killer style and sick tattoos and flawless hair and makeup, of course.
Might also explain why I like writing dramatic Draco...
dream job? I TOO DO NOT DREAM OF LABOR however having said that as an IRL trophy wife with no kids if i could get paid to write about smut and sex sice I am already doing it that would be v cool. Anyone have any personal linkups with the audio porn industry? I made an outrageous resume I'm dying to share
Tagging fellow theatre heaux @achilleslikespeas and fellow smut sensationalist @spookymoonie
#tag game#theater kid#smut writer for hire#finding queerness after infertility#that's got to be a thing right?
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jun 2
friday headlines
Pride Month 2023 Launches To A First-Ever Major Pushback As Glamour Magazine Features ‘Pregnant Man’ Logan Brown On Their Digital Edition Cover
Pride Month 2023 officially started today, and to quote the movie ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, it’s ‘shaping up to be a squall!’. Glamour Magazine is featuring ‘proof’ of a ‘pregnant man’ on the cover of its UK digital edition which is emblematic of what the true problem really is.
Elon Musk’s Neuralink Gets FDA Approval to Study Brain Implants in Humans
Neuralink, Elon Musk’s neurotechnology company, recently obtained approval from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to conduct a clinical study of brain implants in humans. This marks the first in-human clinical study for the company.
Criminals ‘Can Find Everything’ About You, Warns Surveillance Expert
Artificial intelligence (AI) has advanced to such a level that criminals can now surveil and know “everything” about their targets, including predicting where the targets could be at some point in the future, experts warn.
Shocking New York Times Review of The Little Mermaid Complains the Children’s Film Had Insufficient ‘Kink’
The review, perhaps correctly, noted that the film “reeks of obligation and noble intentions,” but lost most people when it continued to say “joy, fun, mystery, risk, flavor, kink — they’re missing.”
Synthetic biology aims to replace natural life forms with something that is man-made
Several years ago, leaked FEMA documents described that people would be put into FEMA camps for, essentially, re-education. That concept “is old,” Celeste Solum told Maria Zeee. The plan has been replaced by a “posthuman” ideology.
Now or Never – Israel and Iran’s Nuclear Weapons Program
Iran is busy building new, impenetrable nuclear bunkers and developing advanced ballistic missiles. What is Israel waiting for? There are all kinds of developments that indicate Israel is getting closer to direct action against Iran.
‘Surveillance over every citizen on Earth’: Devious group looks to rule entire world
The World Health Organization has set its sights on establishing “a platform for global governance through health care.”
Fears Satanists have returned as lamb’s throat slit and has Bible placed on dead body
A coven of Satanists could again be stalking the New Forest, locals fear, after a slaughtered lamb was found with a bloodstained Bible resting on its body. There were concerns raised in 2019 after evidence of Satanic rituals was found in the forest. Pigs were found with their hearts ripped out and sheep and cows were also killed and mutilated.
REVEALED: Target tells employees only ‘extremists’ are concerned with sexualization of children
As Target faces backlash, resulting in monetary losses over its Pride collection, the company has sent an internal memo stating that those who worry about the sexualization of children are extremists. The line includes clothing and accessories for children, including shirts that read “Queer! Queer! Queer!” and onesies about how trans is beautiful.
Thousands Of Roman Catholics Flock To Worship At The Dead Body Of ‘Miracle Nun’ Sister Wilhelmina Lancaster Whose Body Did Not Decay
The ‘miracle nun’ Sister Wilhelmina Lancaster whose exhumed body showed nearly no signs of decomposition four years after she died is drawing thousands of Roman Catholics hoping to worship her corpse
Biden’s ex-nuclear official played key role in blasphemous drag ‘nuns’ group
The disgraced former Biden administration official, Sam Brinton, reportedly used to serve as the principal officer for Washington D.C.’s chapter of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence…Brinton was also present at an explicit Easter Sunday event in San Francisco in 2019, where scantily clad men mimicked Christ’s crucifixion and poll-danced on a cross.
EMA admits COVID Vaccination causes Infertility
The European Medicines Agency (EMA) has finally admitted that Covid-19 vaccination can have an adverse effect on female fertility. The admission comes months after it was revealed in confidential Pfizer documents revealed that shedding of the Covid-19 vaccine is possible by skin-to-skin contact and/or breathing the same air as a vaccinated person, and can, unfortunately, lead to menstrual cycle disruption among women and miscarriage among pregnant women.
Disneyland Hires Man In Dress to Greet Little Girls At Bibbidy Bobbidi Boutique
A video that was uploaded on Twitter by Jason Jones shows a grown man wearing a dress at Disneyland’s Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. In the video a man who clearly has a mustache is wearing a dress and greeting little girls as they walk into the dress boutique.
satan Has Become One Of The Hottest Spiritual Figures In America
Should we be surprised? As our society comes apart at the seams all around us, Satan and Satanism are becoming extremely popular. Videos featuring Satan are getting millions of views on TikTok and YouTube, millions of Americans are watching shows that feature Satan as a main character on Netflix and other streaming services, and the Satanic Temple has become one of the fastest growing religious organizations that the United States has ever seen.
Warning on Upcoming Disney+ Show About a Girl Carrying satan’s Baby
The family-friendly entertainment organization MovieGuide is sounding the alarm about an upcoming Disney+ that features a teenage girl’s love affair with satan.
You Say You Want a Revival?
We also see no evidence of a major revival in the End Times. If anything, we expect growing apostasy and more virulent rebellion against God. That is why Jesus asked rhetorically whether the Son of Man will find faith on the Earth when He comes again (Luke 18:8).
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I feel the most dysphoric when I have to sit down and question my gender.
Up until that point, I can exist pretty happily. I can vibe and be very comfortable with myself and feel sure that I am a man. It's when I have to ask questions like "am I feeling dysphoric" that it induces the dysphoria because if I'm not, I don't feel "trans enough" to call myself trans.
Nothing makes you "trans enough" because being "trans enough" does not exist. It's not a level or a competition. Logically I know this. It doesn't stop me feeling the most unsettled when I have to start justifying my identity.
It's why answering questions at the doctor's makes me feel so overwhelmed, even though they're perfectly valid questions. I know she doesn't mean them as a test, just a way to get to know me and gauge what answers are best to give me so I can get the help and support I need. It still feels like a test. Like when she asked "what makes you feel dysphoric" and I couldn't answer, so I just said some generic answer like my breasts and being called my legal name. Which isn't untrue either. But it felt like answers I had to give to get what I want, as opposed to answers that I feel are true in myself.
I tried to explain seeing some trans people talking about their experience makes me happy but sometimes seeing trans people makes me unsettled. Especially if they're talking about bad experiences.
Like there's so little trans media I can read or watch, because it just reminds me being trans is all I'll be. She understood this to an extent. She understood I was trying to say being trans isn't my personality, it's just a way to express my identity, as nuanced as it is. It's not my entire being. But reading about trans people, especially in ya media, makes me so anxious.
Let me be frank, I completely understand the need for this media. I hope other people can read it and feel seen and feel at peace finding a piece of themselves in books and on tv. But for me, it only reminds me I'm trans. I could never be "truly male". I'll never be perceived as "truly male". It's at the crux of being trans, that that thing, that identity, I so desperately want will always be a little out of my reach.
It scares the shit out of me.
Reading about cis males or even amabs identifying as non binary, gender queer and gender fluid is so much easier. Because I can pretend. I can pretend that's me. Not that it could be me or it might be me but it is me.
The best I've felt reading about a trans character was in Hell Followed with Us. Yes it was gross and had a lot of gore, but at least Benji was just existing. Painfully, I'm aware, but he had so much else going on and being trans was just something he rarely thought about, while fully knowing exactly who he was in his own skin.
How do I explain to people that I feel the most dysphoric when it's pointed out to me I'm trans. That I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or how to get the help I want. That I'm scared of starting T because what if I'm wrong, when all signs point to I'm right. And then I'm reminded that this is exactly what dysphoria is, and find comfort that I feel this dysphoria. It's like a never ending cycle, and I think this is the first time I can say I've seeked to self harm.
That by making myself dysphoric, I feel comfort feeling that dysphoria because it means I can be "trans enough" to be trans and that's the golden ticket to being allowed to start T and get top surgery and start passing. No one is stopping me from going after those things though. No one by myself, feeling like I can't have it.
But whether I'm trans or decide later I'm non binary or something else, regretting T scares me. But I know I'll always wonder. I'll always want it, I'll always be waiting to feel okay to start it. To be allowed to start it.
My doctor went through all the permanent side effects with me. My voice will change, and I fucking hope it does. I've never liked my high pitch voice. I'll grow infertile. Great, I've never wanted kids, I don't even have sex. I'll grow body hair, which kind of freaks me out, but no more than anything else.
Is it normal to be scared? Is it normal to feel so nervous I'm losing my mind? I see so many trans people excited to start T, and I am too, but are you even a little bit scared? Those people who start later in life, who didn't "know" when they were 12 but only caught on when they were 25, does it scare you? Are you hiding it?
Then I see so many tiktoks (I'm aware I need to get off tiktok) of calling out people for starting T and then being sad they're not an "anime twink". I hate the fetishisation argument, I believe it's really dangerous, but is that me? Will I regret it if I don't like how I look after? I like how I look now, I just wish I was less fem, more man.
And see how I've swung back to wanting to be a man. Of feeling I am one. When I question the small parts of myself, when I pinpoint it down to what I want to look like and how I want to be seen, all signs point to starting T is the right choice. I want a more masculine muscle structure, a deeper voice, I want people to start seeing me as a man, not as this vaguely androgynous being or just a butch lesbian tomboy that wears oversized clothing.
I think I want to skip the next part. Skip to the good part. Where I've been on T for years and my hormones have settled and I've got a scruffy beard and I don't even have to tell people I'm trans anymore because it's none of their fucking business if I am. You'll know me as Sebastian and that's all you'll fucking know me as.
I want people to forget I'm trans, not just to see me as a man, but so they'll stop bringing it up. My mum constantly asking me questions (some are good, some aren't, some are just offensive) my sister asking me who I've told (she's just being respectful) customers at work calling me "that lady" when it's not their fault.
Stop reminding me I'm trans. Start reminding me I'm a man.
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THE LAKE OF SOULS follows Harkat and Darren in a very weird place on Mr. Tiny's direction, doing cryptic steps in order so that Harkat can find out who he was before he was a Little Person (a stitched-together creature made by Mr. Tiny from a soul that wanted a second chance). Once they reach the Lake of Souls, Harkat must retrieve his old soul and find out who he was before he died. Partway through they meet a very strange ex-pirate named Spits who (the book won't let you forget) really wants to drink alcohol. I wasn't enjoying how much he took over the narrative, but it has a great payoff so it works out overall.
Full review at link.
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I'd like to hear more about trans-coded Robin? (See this as your "where's the essay, OP?" :D)
The entire series goes on about how her father only ever saw her as a son, how he made her act and present as masculine in excruciating detail no matter how much it hurt her, made her middle name Charles instead of Robin, called her RJ and, sent her away the second she kissed another boy....
After she moves in with her mom she becomes the epitome of "girly" when she begins her Robin Sparkles identity, a teen popstar dressed in glitter, pink, and everything feminine. (Almost an "over-correction" as the gang would say.) She loses her virginity to a gay guy, which while not related still makes me think about how queer people find each other.
As an adult she is still fighting gender stereotypes the entire series. She wants to be seen as feminine and sexy but completely independent and a "guy's girl". She wants a career instead of family and then begins to grow older and learns to open up with her friends... and then has a hard time dealing with being a woman who's infertile.
One of the last episodes in season 8 is her digging everywhere for a locket that past her said symbolized her future as a woman marrying a man no matter how "ladylike" her father said it was.
(BUT! since the series ends an episode before it ends, she gets her happily ever after 😌)
#robin scherbatsky#trans!robin scherbatsky#i will die on this hill#I'd go through another rewatch and gif every moment but I've already done 5 seasons in two weeks#himym
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Romance plot arcs that aren’t Getting Together or Coming Out
We love a getting-together romance arc. We love a coming-out romance arc. But they are both such low-hanging fruit when it comes to writing a story that has a romance arc (whether that arc is the main event or something that happens in the background of a plotty plot). Getting-together stories can feel stale, and coming-out stories can privilege one kind of queer angst at the expense of stories that affirm queer existence and love. So here are some ideas. Add your own!
One member of a couple quits their job and suddenly doesn’t know who they are, has a bit of an identity crisis that affects how both partners understand their relationship
A parent couple’s kids move out and suddenly they have no idea what their relationship even is anymore
A queer couple has to deal with their extended family privileging siblings’ straight relationships over theirs
A couple who doesn’t want children has to deal with the expectations of extended family and society
The couple is moving in together—but their respective pets are not having it
Values clash—The couple got together in some kind of isolated situation and now they’re coming back to the real world—and it turns out that one of the partners is rich. Like, they’re an aristocrat and they talk about stocks. It’s gross and didn’t you KNOW I don’t support capitalism? We met in a retreat in the woods! Can the relationship survive?
Sci Fi: A couple has been together in some kind of simulation/online game/identity-obscuring reality FOR A LONG TIME. They’re finally revealed to each other in the “real” world and it turns out to be (da da daaaa) someone they knew before.
Long distance—how does the couple cope?
A diagnosis—like ADHD or ASD or some chronic illness or sudden disability—how does the diagnosed partner’s sense of self change and affect the relationship, and how does the partner’s understanding of themself as a member of the dyad adjust?
A queer couple has kids and finds themselves shoved into the gender role expectations of parenting. How do they make it through that?
The couple is together, but not fully committed yet, with lingering doubts. What pushes them to being fully in it?
If the characters have a polygamous relationship, how do they adjust to adding or subtracting a person to/from their relationship?
A couple is together but then one of them takes a bunch of feminist/queer/race philosophy classes in college and the other one has to decide whether to go along for the ride or cut and run
They’ve been married for awhile but then one partner announces out of the blue that they want to become an anarchist or live in a yurt or something else that will effectively toss the couple into Act 2
A couple wants to abide by their own ideals but subtly engrained societal expectations keep creeping in and causing relationship problems—how to create the template of a new type of life and relationship that is truly one’s own, rather than hindered by the baggage of sitcom assumptions and family history?
One partner cheated. Shit, what now.
One partner is an addict. Shit, what now.
Infertility; the relationship won’t look like they’d both assumed. Shit, what now.
One partner transitions, the other partner is fully supportive, but now they have to figure out how to navigate the rest of the world with this change, and figure out how their relationship works to support each other through toxic encounters.
Fantasy body swap—new appreciation of the relationship/partner sparked by having to live their life
Multiverse—one partner gets stuck in a multiverse with a different version of their partner
Mixed race relationship and having to cut off ties with one partner’s racist family, how does that tax the relationship?
Reveal of a secret from one partner’s past
Long-lost family member shows up and throws a couple into turmoil
One or both of the members of a couple is recently sober, and suddenly they have no idea what to do anymore. What do people do? People must...do things....should we?...do a puzzle?
A couple’s grown child moves back home with a new partner. Hijinks ensue.
It’s a pandemic! (Or any other forced proximity scenario.) But the couple is NOT USED to being together. They’re used to space. Who even is this person who is walking around with AirPods talking about leveraging assets?
A near-breakup over dirty dishes/laundry
Time loop like Groundhog Day, only it’s a couple that’s been together for a decade
The relationship stress of having a special needs child—how do they get through it?
“I simply can’t be with someone who wears polo shirts”
The couple is together, the dopamine-fueled early relationship is over, and now they have to deal with the fact that one of them hates going out to parties and the other one LOVES it
Fantasy mental link—do these partners REALLY want to know what each other are thinking all the time?
Age gap: the couple is together, but now that things have settled in, their generational differences are really starting to become a nuisance. “Gen X is just Boomers with hair metal!” Millennial Partner shouts, slamming the door. Alternately, the Millennial is the older partner and “Babe, you can’t wear a scrunchie.”
Turns out one partner does(n’t) want to get married, after all. What now?
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(image description: eight sketchbook drawings of characters holding a variety of pride flags, all nude and posed in ways that match some old fine art pieces. The nudity has been censored with cute digital flower stickers. end description.)
Characters:
Dalmar, intersex man. Kouto, nonbinary. Chacha, agender. Parva, nonbinary. Xulic and Kidron, genderqueer. Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, genderqeer. Olli, demiguy. Sajak, genderqueer.
Genderqueer is kind of my default for "well, biologically and culturally, they already don't have binary sex or gender, so they kinda default to genderqueer." And I know maybe some people will be bothered by that, but it's just part of the worldbuilding I've written around all these non-human and frequently non-mammalian species of people.
The uncensored version is on my Patreon page. I do have one more drawing to add to this series, but since it's four child characters I will not need to worry about adding any censors and keeping the original image only on my patreon, as they will simply be wearing their pride flags as whole outfits.
The previous part of this, my binary trans characters, can be found over here.
detailed character descriptions and explanations of the pose references under the cut
Dalmar Ubora, a black intersex elf man with short black hair. He is holding his arms up as he holds the intersex flag, mimicking the pose of Virgin Mary from Titian's painting "The Assumption of the Virgin". The shading was washed out by the photo, but his belly is still clearly round from pregnancy. Dalmar is an interesting case, in that he was assigned male at birth based on his outward appearance, continues to identify as male throughout his life, but finds during puberty that what was believed to be an undeveloped penis was actually just a non functional body part. Instead, what actually developed to full functionality was his uterus. He still identifies as a straight cis man, and has come to terms with his body. He is married to a medically transitioned trans woman, and he could undergo operations to change his body if he wanted to. Instead, he has embraced his body and even birthed some children who were conceived via sperm donations. This is why I wanted a Mary pose for him, and this painting in particular is about Mary being welcomed into heaven as a blessed holy woman. Dalmar may not be a miraculous holy figure, but there is a reverence in the way he has come to love his body and chosen to bear children, including the surrogate birth of his brother's child.
Kouto Hayashi-Loryck, a slender nonbinary elf with black hair tied into a bun. They are holding the nonbinary flag and standing in the pose of a statue known as "Apollo Belvedere", which is so old no one knows the artist's name. One arm raised, one lowered, legs in the relaxed contrapposto pose. Kouto is an artist and an art model. Apollo is a god of the arts, and regarded as a beautiful and sexual figure. Kouto is bisexual and admittedly a very sexual and flirtatious person. They did settle into a happy marriage though (actually they are Dalmar's in-law and the sperm donor for the aforementioned surrogate birth.) Marriage has not stopped Kouto's flirtations, merely limited their targets to a singular person. It felt right to give him this pose, from a pretty well known portrayal of Apollo. Beauty, art, and sex, all defining traits of Apollo and Kouto alike, all present in a pose where the figure seems to be reaching for something above them.
Chacha Faraji, an agender black elf with short hair. They are facing away from the viewer, seated on a stool that is covered by the draped agender flag. No physical traits that could betray their agab are visible. Chacha is sitting in the pose of Reubens' painting "Venus at the Mirror". The arm closest to the viewer ends at the elbow, while they hold a mirror in front of their face with their one whole arm. Their face is seen reflected, smiling, little wrinkles visible by their eyes. I chose this painting in part because it did allow me to obscure Chacha's agab. They were my first nonbinary character, and I never really settled on an agab. But also, I enjoy putting characters who have unconventional bodies into poses associated with Venus or Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty. Chacha is missing half an arm, they are getting older and it shows in the wrinkles on their face. Chacha is also Aromantic and Asexual, the full queer triple A battery. The mirror pose has become an independence of beauty. "Look but don't touch." Chacha is beautiful, and they do not need to be beautiful for anyone but themself.
Parva Turbatus, a white nonbinary elf with shoulder length curly hair that has been shaved down on the far side of their head. They are holding the nonbinary flag, standing in the slightly closed off pose found in Paul Gariot's painting "Pandora's Box". One hand on their chest, one hand held out to hold the flag. They have top surgery scars on their chest and a c-section scar on their navel, though all of these have unfortunately been hidden by the flower censors. I chose a pandora pose for Parva because they have one of the most intense tragic backstories of any of my characters. Like Pandora opening the box, they have suffered through many things but came out the other side with Hope, and healing.
Xulic Vos and Kidron Engedi, a drow and a lizard person. They are sharing the genderqueer flag. Xulic has long ears and white hair in a braid, with a white monkey-like tail barely visible behind their legs. Kidron looks like a leopard gecko, and their tail is acting as a visual block in fron of Xulic's groin. They are standing together in the central pose of Raphael's "School of Athens" fresco. Xulic is pointing one hand up to the sky, while Kidron holds one hand palm down towards the earth. Xulic's chest is visibly flat, however I have rewritten the drow as a eusocial people, who's biology has made most of the common population infertile and visibly near identical above the waist. Xulic's agab is unknown to anyone but them, and perhaps their reptilian lover Kidron. Both drow and lizard folk have biology and cultures that do not really support a gender binary, so genderqueer suits them both quite well. I chose the School of Athens pose because these characters are scientists in fields that overlap, and they often get into deep discussions on the matter. Xulic is a paleontologist while Kidron is a geologist, and they have another friend (my protagonist) who studies archaeology.
Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, an elderly goblin with sagging skin and axolotl-like frills on the sides of her head. She grins as she holds the gender queer flag, partly draped over the tall stool she is seated on. Her pose matches that of John Collier's "Priestess of Delphi" painting, which depicts a woman hunched over herself on a stool. Old Obeli Moruga, whose title best translates to "grandmother" is a significant figure in her community, both because of her more practical role as a leader and wise woman, but also because she has gained immortality and become an incarnation of Life Itself, after she was given the offer of such power when she nearly died in the goblin revolution. There are many figures that would suit her. Poses from statues of goddesses, like Athena or Gaia. Perhaps turning away from the theme of greek and roman figures I ended up with for my nonbinary group (dalmar is his own thing) and using the famous painting of Liberty on a battlefield. But now in her old age, all those poses of figures in more active poses, tall and imposing, simply didn't feel right. A wise old woman, hunched on a stool in a pose associated with the idea of an oracle, a priestess, a prophetess, felt much more fitting. (goblin culture does have specific pronouns for leadership, and in the common speech they have decided this translates best to the feminine "she/her")
Olli Moruga, also a goblin with axolotl-like frills, standing with the demiguy flag in his hands. He is in the pose of Michaelangelo's statue of Bacchus, god of wine, merriment, and madness. One hand up as if to salute with a cup, body leaning and perhaps a little unstable. Olli is a gay demiguy, stepping away from the naturally ungendered state of his people to embrace masculinity instead. He is extroverted, loves a good party, and has definitely been a little over his depth with alcohol on many occasions. He knows this is a problem. He used to act rebellious because of it, trying to be cool and aloof, but he has since admitted the truth to himself and now openly seeks help. His trans lover, Zaire (seen in a previous post) has become a great support to him. Even though it may seem odd to use the pose of a god of wine for a character that is trying to overcome an alcohol issue, I still feel like the vibe of Bacchus or Dionysus fits Olli well. He is not only a god of wine, but also of pleasure in general, a concept Olli embraces. Wild joy, perhaps to the point of becoming a little feral, abandoning tradition for personal fulfillment. It is unusual for goblins to embrace a binary gender, even partially. Gendered pronouns do not exist in their tongue, only being used in cases where common speech needs to be used to refer to certain significant figures, such as a leader. It is also unusual for a goblin to take a lover outside their species, since most goblins live in fairly isolated places and all mate together seasonally, depositing their eggs in a communal nursery pool. Olli stands out on purpose.
Lastly, Sajak, an amphibious person with some fish-like features such as their finned ears and a barely visible dorsal fin. They are holding the genderqueer flag as they stand in a commanding pose, one foot on a rock, one arm held out as if pointing to something below them. This pose is taken from the central Poseidon statue in the fountain of Trevi. Their head, arms, and torso are covered in dark tattoos in abstract designs, and they also have a few natural dark stripes along their arms and legs. The obvious connection between Sajak and this statue of Poseidon is that Sajak is a fish person and Poseidon is an ocean god. If I could have thought of a more medical figure, I may have made a different choice in the art reference. Sajak is primarily a doctor, a healer. They are fairly well known and they were an important figure on their home island, though they did leave eventually. Even so, there is a certain vibe to Sajak that suits the image of a powerful and unpredictable oceanic god. They are steady, intelligent, and careful, but they can become fierce when their loved ones are under threat, and the intense focus they show in their work as a doctor can be intimidating to see. There is a feeling of hidden power within Sajak, just as there is in the ocean when it seems calm. Fish folk, whether bipedal and amphibious or fully aquatic, also fit under my category of "non-mammalian people who are just kind of genderqueer by default due to their biology not fitting into a binary".
#figure art#figure drawing#nonbinary#intersex#genderqueer#queer ocs#winks ocs#image description#accessible art#my designs#drow#lizard folk#elves#goblins#merfolk
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