#finally went to yoga for the first time this year I think?!
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#finally went to yoga for the first time this year I think?!#heart attack yoga 😹#(I had lots of Nespresso today)#now night shift 1 of 3 😑#vinyasa
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hey can u share ur void success story? Would love to see it
hii this is the storytime I promised about getting into the void first try <3
disclaimer: this post is long asf, I like being very detailed when talking about such stuff because you may never know which insignificant detail might help someone + I always liked when people would go into detail about shifting or the void state
this happened a few months ago. I’m a reality shifter and have been trying for around 4 years and never succeeded for more than a few seconds, so I got extremely burned out with the traditional methods
I decided to research about shifting on tumblr to see if the community is popular here as well (previously I’ve only researched about it on tiktok, reddit and a bit on youtube) and found a bit of general info about shifting, but what has gotten my attention was a person who got into the void state and instantly manifested their desires. I thought it looked a lot like shifting so I read some more
I knew a tiny bit about the void state from shifttok, but I’ve never been interested to learn more until that point. the og post said that they specifically reached the void state by doing yoga nidra so I thought it was a requirement for the void at that point. I didn’t know what yoga nidra was, so I sent the person a message asking about it and went about my day deciding I’m giving up on traditional methods and will start to work with the void state
for some reason I didn’t research any further that day (probably because I was burnt out by my shifting attempt the night before and didn’t feel like ingesting more information)
at night I decided to try to shift again. I drank blue lotus tea and put on a guided meditation. after 10 minutes I get bored and switched the meditation for white, brown and pink noises and fell asleep saying affirmations
I got woken up by my alarm at around 10 a.m. (I didn’t shift) and I tried to get out of bed to really woke up, but I ended up falling asleep until 11:30 a.m. when I got woken up again by my loud parents getting ready for work, so I tried to play on my phone to get more lucid and not fall asleep again because I didn't feel like getting out of bed, but I also didn't want to continue sleeping. my eyes were practically closing by themselves atp, but I went on tumblr and saw the person I messaged the night before answered my message and said they'll post a guide one of these days. after thanking them I closed my eyes again thinking of the void state. I remember saying to myself something like “I really want to get into the void, I can’t wait for the guide so I can do yoga nidra”
for the next hour I fell asleep for 10 minutes then woke up for 1-3 minutes at least 3 times (I was very tired, probably because of the previous shifting attempt) and my thoughts were completely blank;
at some point I find myself in my kitchen trying to make coffee and I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not because the dream was very clear and I usually make coffee after getting out of bed so I thought I had finally woken up
I noticed the jar of instant coffee was almost empty and I asked myself "why is it almost empty, I bought a new jar yesterday" (I finished my jar yesterday and wanted to buy a new one today btw), then when I went pick up the jar I was instantly hit with the realization that I was lucid dreaming, so not even a second later I threw myself to the ground in a crisscross position to allow myself to fall through the floor and shift to my dr
when I hit the ground I closed my eyes and stated my intention of wanting to shift to my jujutsu kaisen dr, but I didn’t even get to finish my intention when I felt myself being pulled through the floor in an infinite dark void; I realized I entered the void state
I was calm, but really wanted to get to my dr, so I started affirming and visualizing. I felt myself being pulled again through the void, a bit lower, before stopping again
I got annoyed and started thinking of my dr again then started hearing a voice; I listened for a bit then realized I was hearing an argument between yuuji and megumi. I didn't understand because they were talking in japanese, but at the same time I understood the message?? they were arguing about how to exorcise a curse or something like that
the weird thing about their voices is that when I dream, lucid dream, visualize or make up scenarios, all the voices are quiet and muffled in the distance and the tone never changes, but the voices I was hearing were loud and clear as if I was next to them, which has NEVER happened to me before. I think I literally stood there frozen for 15 seconds because of how loud and real (?) their voices sounded
anyways
I was getting annoyed because I kept getting distracted and started saying affirmations and trying to imagine where I wanted to wake up. I couldn't feel my body the whole time, I was pure conciseness.
I told myself that as long as I shift, I don't care where I end up, then suddenly I started to hear more voices including a girl's voice (they were most probably people from other drs of mine).
I got confused and a bit alarmed, so I asked out loud what do I have to do to shift. suddenly all the voices got muffled and a man with a lower voice started talking to me in english. I didn't know who that was and I got confused, but tried my best to follow his instructions. I started to hear noises from my cr (the cars passing my apartment as I live in a noisy area) but tried not to wake up. because of the noises I woke up and suddenly I was in my room again. I panicked but didn’t open my eyes or move my body (I could semi-feel my body, but it was mostly asleep) and literally yelled in my mind ‘I want to get back into the void!!’ suddenly I’m in the void again, this time I didn’t feel the falling sensation, it was instant
back into the void I saw nothing was working I decided to shift to my waiting room because I remembered someone once saying that a waiting room is some kind of parallel located between your cr and other realities and this is why it can be easier to shift there. I intended to shift to my waiting room then felt how my body got pulled lower into the void again, then it suddenly stopped when I heard my phone buzzing in my cr because of a notification
I got extremely frustrated and decided to fully wake up
I woke up at around 1:20 p.m. and was very happy with what I just went through.
thinking about the last voice for a bit, I initially thought it was gojo, but it sounded too different to be him, plus the man was talking in english, so I figured it could've been zhongli from my genshin dr since I scripted english is an universal language in teyvat, but then I thought it was weird that he responded since I'm not very close to him in my dr, but after some more thinking I realized that we're actually connected in my dr so it kinda makes sense to be him, but I'm still not 100% sure, I'm only sure about hearing yuuji and megumi arguing
it took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that when I was in the void and said I want to shift to my dr and started falling then stopped and I heard yuuji and megumi, I was actually in my dr and I just needed to wake up. I thought I would get woken up instantly just like with shifting methods, but I actually had to wake myself up from the void. my information was very limited because, like I said in the beginning, I only read one or two posts about the void state beforehand
it would also make sense to hear yuuji and megumi first thing before waking up in my dr, because I scripted that when they go in the school to get sukuna’s finger, I would be asleep in one of the offices (don’t ask) and will witness the whole thing
I think the way I got into the void is an actual method; I forgot the name of it but it might’ve been the phrase method, I’m not too sure
it also shows you don’t have to have a perfect mindset as I thought I can’t possibly get into the void until I do yoga nidra for a few days, so all you need is intention and an alternate state of consciousness
additional things (you can totally skip this if you want to)
after I got into the void state that day, I continued practicing the void state and I almost got into it at least 15 times, but instead of doing it via a lucid dream, I used the lullaby and distraction methods because I have a hard time lucid dreaming. every time I would be pulled into the void with these methods I would instantly think of my cr or get impatient and be immediately be pulled out, so I’m working on that and on how to lucid dream more often
I think I’m getting close into reaching the void again, because I’ve been working on meditation and started teaching my subconscious mind not to think of my cr while going into the void state.
the months of march and april were literally stagnant for me with no little to no success because I strongly believe I got the evil eye or something like that. at the end of february I went back to my home country (which is in eastern europe) to attend my cousin’s 18th birthday and I think I might have been cursed by one of the old ladies attending. I would always get the evil eye by them as a kid, but my grandma would usually remove it for me
my manifestations stopped and I couldn’t reach the void again but I thought it was because of work and uni related stress, but then it hit me it might be something else because I literally never had issues with my manifestations but suddenly I couldn’t manifest anything anymore, so I performed a cleanse and now I’m back again manifesting like it’s my job
a few nights ago I tried to get into the void, after like 8 minutes of meditation my body fell asleep while my mind was awake and I could’ve entered the void, but I sabotaged myself because I told myself I needed to go to sleep asap because I need to wake up in 3 hours for work so I moved around a bit and went to sleep
anyways, I’ll try to get into the void again and keep y’all updated. next month I go back to my home country where is peace and quiet so I think I’ll have a better time without stressing about uni, work or the noisy area I live in
#reality shifting#shifting#desired reality#law of assumption#void state#void#void success#void succes story#manifestation#void concept
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Never Say Goodbye - Part 10
Pairing: Dean x Female Reader
Summary: The first time you and Dean sensed each other’s thoughts and feelings, you were just kids. It would take years to realize that you both were bonded for life, and even longer to finally meet. [Soulmate AU] (Rated M for eventual scenes – 18+)
AN: Bear in mind, season 2 aired/took place circa 2006, so references like iPods are going to be dated lol.
Word Count: 5,500
Warnings: M-rated chapter ahead—18+ only! Angst, smut, fluff, and feels. Oh yeah, and kidnapping.
Part 10: Worthy
In the months after John Winchester’s death, Sam and Dean spent even more time on the road than before. Hunting down the demon, as well as trying to find the Colt.
You helped them the best you could with research on their various cases. However, now that you had been promoted to Library Curator at the museum, you had even more access to scholarly research and ancient texts, but even less time on your hands.
If you were honest (and you weren’t), it was getting harder to balance your real job and Sam and Dean’s requests. But you knew if you said so, Dean would never ask you for help again. At the end of the day, it kept you connected to them. And you liked helping out.
The next time the brothers came home marked a few months shy of two years since you’d met Dean. When they were a day’s drive away, he called you to ask you something he’d never asked before…
He wanted to take you out to dinner.
You had cooked for him before. He had cooked for you. You two had ordered in and gone to grab dinner with Sam in tow. But in almost two years, you and Dean had never gone on an actual dinner date, getting dressed up, just the two of you.
Needless to say, you were very excited…but you also had no idea what to wear.
Dean had seen you in the professional blouses, slacks, and skirts you wore for work. He’d seen you in ratty old college shirts and yoga pants while slurping ramen noodles from a plastic cup. He’d also seen you in nothing but one of his old buttoned-down shirts, and then, in nothing at all.
But he’d never seen you dressed to kill. That wasn’t to say you couldn’t pull it off, because you most certainly could. It had just…been a while.
So you dove into the shadowy recesses of your closet and searched for something you knew he hadn’t seen before. And you might’ve gone to the mall and bought a couple new pieces of lingerie, just in case the night went really well.
You were grateful Dean gave you a full day’s notice. It gave you the time to mentally prepare, but you still had to call him again to verify a few things.
“Okay, but where are we going?” you asked. “Casual dressy or dressy, dressy?”
Dean chuckled. “I have no idea what that means.”
He sounded tired to you, but the playful note in his voice still made you smile.
“It means just tell me where we’re going,” you said with a laugh.
“Nope,” he refused. “But here’s what I can do for you. I’ll be leaving the leather jacket at home this time.”
You tapped your chin thoughtfully. “Okay. That’s something, at least. Man, you really are the worst with these little guessing games.”
“I think you mean the best,” he joked. “Remember, I’ll be there by seven tomorrow.”
You let out an annoyed huff. “I hate you.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
He was still laughing when you hung up on him. You now had a plan though.
The next day was a Friday. You were able to get off work right at five, but that still only gave you two hours to shower and fix yourself up. Not nearly enough time, you lamented, but you made it work.
Your dad, blessedly, was working late again. So you had the house to yourself as you played your music loudly and danced to the beat while you finished up your makeup.
Then around seven, a knock sounded at the front door. Wow, he’s actually on time.
You swallowed a small swell of nerves in your throat. Stop being silly, you told yourself. And you were careful in your heels on your way down the stairs. You checked yourself real quick in the mirror, just to make sure your hair and everything else was in place. Then you looked into the door’s peephole.
With a smile, you unlocked and opened the door. Dean was there to greet you with a familiar grin, and then his eyes went wide at the sight of you. You crossed your arms and leaned on the door frame.
“We’re all stocked up on Girl Scout cookies, thanks,” you teased. Dean’s grin kicked up into a smirk.
“I’m not here to sell you anything, sweetheart,” he said. His hot gaze took you in—from your softly curled hair to your dark red lipstick, to the black suede dress that clung to your every curve and fell to mid-thigh, and finally down to your scarlet red heels. Then his eyes traveled all the way back up to yours.
“But I’ll bet you could get me to sell my soul with just those heels,” he said.
Your brain stuttered to a halt. You couldn’t help but blush at the flirtatious depths in his voice, overlayed with a fine layer of charm. It didn’t take much for Dean to turn it on, but when he did, you could guess how many panty-dropping one liners he’d had in his arsenal before he met you.
And he’d cleaned up nicely himself. True to his word, he’d forgone his typical leather jacket (though you were fond of it) for a solid black jacket. He’d paired it with a charcoal gray button-down and some dark wash jeans. (You suspected that Sam had given some pointers for this ensemble.)
His familiar pendant still hung from his neck though, along with his mom’s ring on his right hand. He was still Dean, but he looked good enough to eat.
His smirk deepened, and you realized he’d likely heard that thought.
Damn it.
You hadn’t seen him in a long time, so you forgot you’d have to pull your thoughts back from the soul bond sometimes. Right now though, it was all you could do to stop from dragging him into the house and kissing him senseless.
Dean shook you out of your thoughts when his hands found the curve of your waist. You looked up at him, holding onto the edges of his jacket.
“Sam’s not joining us for dinner?” you asked innocently, while knowing full well he wasn’t. Dean leaned down to brush his lips against your cheek, down to your neck where he caught the pleasant, sexy scent of your perfume. He felt you shudder a bit at the sensation of his lips across your skin.
“Nope. It’s adults only tonight,” he said. Pressed against him as you were, you felt the reverberation of his voice in your chest. It was a very pleasant sensation that pooled warmth in your lower belly, and down between your legs.
Dean came back to your lips, letting his ghost over yours. He didn’t want to ruin that pretty red lipstick (but he also really, really did).
You played into it; your smile brushed against his lips while your fingers dragged down his chest. “Then, maybe you should take me…”
You shifted on your feet, letting your thigh graze between his legs. You felt his fingers dig into the small of your back, and you reached back to grab his hand and unwrap his arms from your body.
“…To this mystery restaurant,” you said. “‘Cause I’m really freakin’ hungry.”
You flashed him a smile and slipped between him and the front door. You tossed him your house keys so he could lock it. As you walked down the driveway toward the Impala, you felt his disbelief, a lance of annoyance, but also his amusement. And a hot flare of desire while he watched you walk away from him.
You crossed your arms again and leaned against the passenger door of the Impala while you waited for Dean. He locked the front door and returned to the Impala while pointing a finger at you.
“You play too much,” he said. Your smile deepened.
As it turned out, he didn’t take you to the most expensive restaurant in town, or just to the local diner either. It was a nice Columbian steakhouse that ended up being the perfect place for both of you: a cozy atmosphere with Latin music, a historically Columbian-owned restaurant, and an interesting culture of food for you to enjoy—and a series of revolving smoked meats for Dean.
You noticed though, that while your boyfriend was enthusiastic about the food, he still seemed off somehow. His smiles didn’t always meet his eyes, and while he looked great, he also looked tired. He didn’t have 100% of his usual swagger going on, and that was enough cause for concern. From what Sam had told you, Dean had been doing better in working through their father’s death.
“Dean.” You laid a hand on his knee while he put yet another cheese bun into his mouth. You earned his attention regardless. “You okay? You seem…I don’t know. Tired.”
He shook his head and thankfully answered after he swallowed. “Nah, just a long drive. What, you’re not having fun?”
You smiled. “No, I am. I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.”
Dean smiled back. “I’m good, baby.”
But you could tell he was hiding something—from the bond, and from you. You frowned at him.
“Dean, we’ve been over this,” you said in a quiet, but firm voice. “You don’t have to lie to me. Whatever it is, I can handle it. You can trust me.”
After a moment, Dean’s pleasant expression faded. A more genuine, rueful smile overtook his features. He took your hand from his knee and pressed it to his lips. He looked down for a few seconds, just thinking, and you gave him the time he needed to do it.
He appreciated that about you. Though you were a curious person by nature, and stubborn about it, in moments like this you never rushed him. You gave him room to breathe.
“Do you know what a djinn is?” he asked.
You blinked at him in curiosity. That wasn’t at all what you’d expected him to say.
“Yeah. I mean, djinn, genies—they’re all over Middle Eastern mythology,” you said, and with a more teasing smile, “And not just in Aladdin.”
Dean inclined his head. “Very good, Professor.”
“I’m guessing they’re real too?” you asked.
“Yeah, nasty sombitches,” he confirmed. He explained that with just one touch, a djinn could propel you into a fantasy of your own making. A dream world, where you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of—at the price of getting your blood sucked dry in the real world.
You grimaced. “Ech. Sounds like a party.”
“Yeah, it’s freakin’ Disneyland,” Dean quipped.
“I’m assuming you and Sam ran into a djinn?” you said.
Dean nodded. His gaze fell away from you as his thoughts drifted back to that world. That place where his family was more or less whole. Where his mom was still alive, and his family had never been sucked into hunting. Where Dean had met you while on a road trip with his dad and married you a year later. Where his little brother had become a lawyer and Dean a firefighter.
His father had died too soon in that world too, but it hadn’t been a gruesome, lonely death caused by a demon. The only real obstacle in that perfect world had been that he’d drifted away from his little brother. They didn’t have a great relationship in that world, but it wasn’t anything that they couldn’t overcome with a few beers and a couple of heart-to-hearts in the Impala.
But it hadn’t been real.
Dean explained all of this to you over dessert, and you listened with rapt attention. You felt all the emotions he couldn’t readily express.
“I saw what my life could’ve been like,” he admitted. “And I wanted it, more than anything.”
“But this is what’s real, and you chose it,” you said. “That’s what matters.”
Dean didn’t look convinced. You were grateful that he shared this with you, but you could also tell that this had been plaguing his mind. You also didn’t want him to have to wallow in it anymore. What you wanted was to help perk him up, or distract him somehow…
So when he dipped his spoon into the large chocolate brownie in front of him, you parried his spoon with yours and stole his scoop. He looked up at you with raised, incredulous brows.
“What just happened here?” he asked.
You shrugged, smiling as you licked your spoon clean. Dean’s lips pressed together, but in the name of keeping the night pleasant, he decided to let it go.
Once again, he delved into the brownie. And once again, you took his piece with your own spoon, even taking a bit of vanilla ice cream with it.
“This is really good,” you said, humming in delight. “You should try some.”
Dean quirked his head at you. He didn’t know whether to be irritated or amused.
“I’m tryin’,” he wryly replied. With a purposeful hand, he wielded his spoon and took a nice corner piece. Sure enough, your spoon came in to intercept him. But his left hand closed around your wrist. His gaze flicked up to yours.
“You’re playin’ with fire here, sweetheart,” he warned. You went for your glass of wine with your free hand and took a sip.
“Am I?” you asked. “I thought we agreed to share.”
He leaned in close, until there were mere inches between your faces. “I don’t share food.”
You took his challenge for what it was, and you leaned in until your lips were nearly brushing his.
“Fine,” you said. Then you sat back and sipped at your wine again. You seemed to have no further interest in dessert, so Dean nodded to himself and raised the corner piece of brownie to his lips.
Only to have you snatch his spoon from his hand and take the bite yourself. You washed it down with some water this time. While Dean sat back in shock, you offered him a smile.
“This’s a great place. We should definitely come back here,” you said.
For a moment, all Dean could do was stare at his damn-near empty plate. When he gathered himself, he looked over at you and smiled dangerously.
“Yeah, we should,” he agreed.
You finished your wine while Dean paid for the meal. He wouldn’t accept your money even though you offered to pay half. He asked you out, so he should pay, he reasoned. (He also ordered an extra brownie to-go.)
Anticipation ran down your spine the longer it took to get back to the car. You could feel his silent simmer, but also his patience. You knew he wasn’t going to let you get away with teasing him, but you also knew he was waiting for the right moment. Most likely when you two had some real privacy.
But before you could open the passenger side door of the Impala, Dean’s hand stopped you. You let him maneuver you around and press you against the door, and you held onto his jacket for balance. You grinned when he bent down and claimed your lips with his own, demanding, sensuous, and greedy.
You clung to his arms as he basically devoured you in the restaurant’s parking lot. His hands were hot on your hips, then kneading your butt, pulling you flush against him as your fingers curled into his hair.
You hadn’t taken Dean for a PDA kind of guy; he was very private about who knew you were together. But then again, it wasn’t too often that you two went out in public, considering this was the first proper date you and Dean had ever been on.
“You’re in so much trouble,” he said against your lips, but the effect was kind of lost when you could feel his amusement and searing desire. You giggled against him.
“Okay,” you agreed. “I can deal with that.”
He pinched your butt, making you yelp and tighten your hand in his hair on reflex. He groaned into your mouth.
“Take me home,” you said. Dean nodded, but he was reluctant to let go of you. Eventually he withdrew his hands and opened the passenger side door for you.
First, you smoothed down his jacket and wiped away some of the lipstick from his mouth and chin with your thumb. His charming, full-watt Dean grin was back, and it warmed you up from the inside out.
That night, in your bed, you and Dean made up for months of separation. You were starved for his touch, and Dean realized that with no small measure of guilt.
He tried to focus on being here with you, but in the back of his mind, he still felt like he was somehow taking something from you when he made love to you. Like that hit and run you once accused him of.
This is what Dad warned me about, he couldn’t help but think.
You both laid on your bed together afterwards, dewy with sweat and a hand on your chest to calm your racing heart. But as great as it had been for you, you knew that Dean was distracted again.
The moment you heard him think about his father, it brought you back to that day in the hospital.
“I’m sorry I told you not to go after her a few years ago,” John had said.
But why? You sat up against the headboard, bringing the sheets up to cover yourself. Meanwhile, Dean was coming back from freshening up in the bathroom. He then started tinkering with your iPod and speaker on your nightstand. But he frowned while scrolling through most of the songs.
Ugh. Avril Lavigne. Really? You heard him think to himself. A smile threatened to curve your lips as he continued to grumble at your playlist. But eventually he settled on “Going to California” by Led Zeppelin. That was neutral ground you could both agree on.
“Dean,” you found yourself saying, before you could think about it. He joined you back in bed, sitting beside you.
“When I was fourteen, I remember it snowed the day of my mom’s funeral,” you continued. “I was standing there in the cemetery when it started. I was…well, a wreck. I looked up at the flurries, and I heard something.”
It’s not fair!
“I didn’t realize it then, but I think I was hearing you for the first time.” You looked over at Dean, and he met your gaze.
“Sam and I were carted off to Bobby’s a few times when we were kids,” he admitted. “It’s possible.”
You gathered your courage, and you asked the question you had been holding onto for almost a year.
“Did you ever…hear me? Before last year.”
Dean sensed that this was a leading question. You already knew something, or at least thought you did. He sighed.
You sat up straighter and faced him.
“Talk to me,” you implored. Dean hesitated, but after a moment, he answered.
“It was around seven…eight years ago now. I was working a case with my dad near your school. That university.”
You thought back, and it must’ve been when you were getting your bachelor’s degree. Dean explained that he was about twenty-three, making you twenty at the time. And he started to feel you, hear you. It freaked him the hell out.
“A killer dog nearly took my head off because…anyway, the point is, I figured out what it was,” he said.
“But you left,” you said, both hurt and angry. “Why the hell didn’t you reach out to me?”
“My dad told me something,” Dean said. “He said I shouldn’t bring you into my life if I couldn’t hang up my gun. You know what…he was right.”
Your mouth fell open in shock. “How can you say that?”
“Look at what’s happening,” he said. “I’m on the road with Sam tryin’ to hunt this demon, pulling you away from your job with research, dragging you out in the middle of the night because I’m on death’s door. It’s enough!”
You didn’t like the sharpness in his tone, or the stubborn look in his eyes. That was another thing you’d learned about Dean. When he got an idea of something in his head, a conviction, he wasn’t going to let it go in a hurry.
Too frustrated to remain in bed, Dean got up and started dressing. You watched him put on his underwear and jeans in disbelief. But you stole his gray dress shirt before he could put it on. He wasn’t about to leave you like this.
So you put on the shirt yourself and stood in his way.
“It’s not supposed to be like this,” he told you.
“Who says?” you challenged. “We’re doing what works for us.”
“That’s my point. It’s not working. And it’s not fair to you.”
“When have I ever asked for fair?” You wanted to know. You had never complained, never asked anything of him except for two things: to keep in touch with you, and not to lie to you.
“This WiFi connection goes both ways, remember?” he countered. “You can try hiding it all you want, but you hate this long-distance crap. Pretty soon you’re gonna start hating me…and shit. I wouldn’t blame you.”
You didn’t know what to make of that resigned look on his face, but it struck at your heart.
You hefted a sharp sigh. “Didn’t you say that this was just temporary? That after you and Sam killed the Yellow Eyed demon, then you could come home?”
“It took Dad our whole lives just to track Yellow Eyes down,” Dean said. “Then it killed him.”
So he was saying this could take his whole life too. Part of you knew that, but you didn’t want to accept the reality that you could be living half a life with him forever.
You didn’t realize it then, but Dean took your silence as a sign.
“Look, I get it,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s not like we can just…cut the cord here. But I’d understand if you don’t want to keep doing this.”
For a moment, you stared at him uncomprehendingly. But if he’d just taken half a second to look at your face—to read the truth in your roiling emotions, he wouldn’t have kept running his mouth.
“Truth is, you deserve better than what I got to give,” he said. His hand raised to card through his hair, an anxious gesture. You knew in the way his eyes shifted away.
A tremor of disbelief and dismay coursed through you.
What he had to give.
A man who'd first offered his protection while barely even knowing you. Who comforted you when you needed him, and celebrated your achievements instead of belittling them. Who believed in you when you told him about working yourself up at the museum. Who empowered you to hold your ground, and speak up for yourself.
A man who'd rather be alone than keep hurting you.
“Baby,” you tried, grasping his arm. Still, he didn’t quite meet your gaze.
“I’ve gotta go,” he said.
You pushed him back with both hands on his bare chest when he tried to get around you. “Stop!”
He said your name in a sharp warning. You shook your head stubbornly.
“Do you want me out of your life?” you asked. “Is that really what you want?”
Dean finally looked down at you, his mouth pressed in a firm line, his brows crunched over his eyes…but he couldn’t answer you.
“Then stop it!” you said. “Just fucking stop it. I’m tired of hearing you think that you’re not good enough.”
Dean’s expression slackened.
“Stop lying to yourself,” you said sternly. “I don’t care what you think I want. Whatever ‘together’ means for us is what we’re going to do. Because you are worth it.”
That was your conviction. He'd been fighting for his family his entire life. And now for you, in a way. So the least you could do was fight for him.
“Yeah, it’s really fucking hard right now. On both of us,” you said with a nod. “But if you think I’m going to let go just because of that, then you don’t know me at all yet, Dean.”
Your frown solidified into a look of determination.
“But goddamn it, you’re gonna learn.”
His mouth fell open a bit, and his soft surprise gave way to shock when you rocked forward, taking his face between your hands. He accepted your hard kiss, the uncharacteristic way you demanded from him, claimed his lips and his tongue, and the frustrated pace of removing each other’s clothes again.
For once, you took control and pushed Dean down to the bed. He let you do it too. It was an electrifying turn on—to have your hands be firm instead of gentle, but still purposeful in how you touched him.
And you did. You straddled his lap, and between fierce kisses, you mapped out his body with your hands. He held you by your hips, but you soon pushed him down onto the bed. With wet, nipping kisses, you burned a path from his neck, down his chest and sternum, down the defined “V” between his hips.
His breathing deepened the further you went, because Christ had it been a long time since anyone but himself had touched him. He supposed you weren’t the only one starving.
Your lips grazed and nipped the inside of his thigh, getting ever closer to where you knew he wanted you. His hand raised to tangle in your hair, but you moved his hand away and trapped it onto the bed. Your challenging gaze met his, and Dean raised his brows.
No touching, unless I say so, you said through the bond. A smirk raised the corner of his lips.
Yes, ma’am, he replied, making you smile. You then renewed your attention to the task at hand. You settled between his legs lowered down, where the object of your focus was standing perfectly at attention. You let your lips graze his dick. Careful touches, and really, a bit teasing. Dean sucked in a breath when your hands joined your lips, just soft caresses along its length, underneath, over its sensitive head. It was both exactly what he wanted and nowhere near enough.
His hand fisted into the pillow behind his head and the comforter underneath him. Your name fell from his lips—both a prayer and a plea. He felt the shape of your smile in a kiss, pressed against his thigh.
I’ve got you, baby, you said. Finally, your lips descended on him and you took as much of his dick as you could into your mouth. Something between a moan and a grunt fell from Dean’s lips as you worked him over, with your hands joining your warm, wet mouth. He itched to touch you, but you were relentless and held his wrist down onto the bed.
With his free hand, he grabbed onto the headboard as his back arched involuntarily, but there was nowhere to go. You had him trapped, and he was exactly where he wanted to be.
But just when he felt that crest of pleasure nearing and thought he was going to see black on the edges of his vision, you let him go with a soft pop. You leaned your arms on his raised knees and wiped your mouth. You looked down at his incredulous face with a mischievous little smile.
Dean made a sound of both shock and frustration as he tried to catch his breath. His head hit the pillow while his hand went to his wildly beating heart.
“Well, that’s just rude,” he uttered. When he was able to speak, that is. You stifled a laugh and moved up to cover that hand on his chest with yours. He flinched, but you were able to offer apologetic kisses. He reluctantly accepted them.
“I’ll make it up to you,” you whispered against his lips. You took his hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of his palm, then brought it to your cheek. Despite the playful, annoyed suspicion in his eyes, he stroked your cheek with affection. He saw your game, and he begrudgingly admired it—and you.
Smiling, you sat back on his bare thighs and brought both of his hands to your body, grazing down your neck to cup your breasts. You sighed as his thumbs brushed over your pert nipples and kneaded the soft flesh.
“Is this for me, or for you?” he teased. You shot him a playful glare. For that, you lowered his hands further down your body and guided his hand to the very wet folds between your legs.
“I’m letting you touch me now,” was your cheeky reply.
Dean smirked, but he sat up and obliged, gathering your wetness with his fingers and stroking your clit with deliberate movements. You shuddered a breath as he slipped a long finger inside you, followed closely by another. All the while, his thumb drew wet circles around your sensitive clit and brought you to the edge of your release.
From that very first night together so long ago, he’d been learning how to play you like a five-string guitar. Tonight was no different, and despite how you’d edged him earlier, he had no qualms about making you come all over his hand.
Your fingers delved into his hair, and you mentally praised him while you caught your breath, resting your forehead on his shoulder. He held you to him as you shook. But after a few moments, he leaned back to look into your eyes.
Through your connection, you felt his playfulness grow and you just knew he was about to say something smartass. But right now, you were still in control. So you stopped his smart mouth with yours and claimed his lips with another deep kiss.
You slipped a hand between your bodies, and this time you took a firmer hold of his dick. It was still a bit wet from your earlier treatment, and you stroked him a few times. His grateful moans sounded in your ear as he gripped your arms tight. You closed your eyes for a second, inwardly preparing yourself, before you sheathed him inside you. You both breathed hard as you adjusted and settled on top of him.
He grabbed a fistful of your hair. “Fuck, baby—”
You nodded, soothing down his back. “I know. Damn, you feel so good.”
You pushed him back down again so you could find the right angle that would serve both of you. Then you started to move over him. Dean dropped his head hard against the bed. To help him out, you gave him something to grab onto and guided his hand to your hip. He squeezed the flesh there, hard enough to leave fingerprint bruises later, you were sure. But the brief pain was a good motivator—it let you know when he was close to his breaking point.
You reached down with your fingers to further part your folds and rub hot circles around your already sensitive clit again. You felt a flutter in your lower belly as that familiar, inexplicable thread of energy within you stuttered; the part of your soul that recognized its equal, its match. The bond hummed and grew hot and pulsing.
Finally, its warmth washed over you.
You gasped and grabbed ahold of Dean’s arms as you almost got lightheaded at the feeling. Dean was going through the same tumble of sensations as he uttered a strangled sound, spilling inside you.
But he had good reflexes; he steadied you, with his arms wrapping around your frame and holding you to him. He eased you over back onto the bed, and then slid out of you.
For a little while, neither of you spoke. The frenzy of your earlier argument had fueled what just happened, but now that tension had dissolved into a hard-won peace.
When he was able to move, Dean reached out to hold the side of your face. He tucked a loose, sweaty strand of hair behind your ear. Your smile for him was soft. You sensed he was thinking, searching for what he wanted to say. So again, you waited, slipping a discarded blanket over your naked body.
“Okay, I think I hear you,” Dean said. “I love you, you know that?”
Your smile grew. He’d repeated the words you confessed to him when he was in the hospital all those months ago. And it was the first time he’d said what he felt for you.
You held a hand by your ear. “What was that?”
Dean’s lips raised into a smirk, but his eyes were soft. He slid an arm underneath you to pull you against his side.
“I love you,” he said, “so damn much.”
“I love you too,” you replied, but not without some exasperation. All this craziness, just to finally get on the same page. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks. “That's my point.”
You made a sound of frustration before you released him. Dean laughed a bit, closing his eyes. You enjoyed his more carefree smile as you rested against his chest.
This man, you thought, is damn lucky he’s adorable.
He cut into your thoughts dryly, Pretty sure that’s my line, sweetheart.
You rolled your eyes.
At least we made it through our first real fight, you said. In spectacular fashion, I might add.
Yeah, but you played dirty, said Dean.
You just smiled.
The next morning, you and Dean woke up after your dad had presumably left for work. You were grateful. It spared you from the awkwardness of a “morning after” in your father’s presence.
I really need to get my own place.
So you made coffee while Dean made some toast and eggs for breakfast. But he got a call just as he was plating the eggs.
“Yeah, Bobby,” he answered. The more your uncle spoke, the more serious Dean’s expression got. You sensed a flare of his panic and you turned to him in concern. The plate in his hand hit the table with a clatter.
“Where?” Dean said. His tone was sharp and worried. “I’m comin’ now.”
Dean ended the call and abandoned the food to grab his jacket. He explained before you could ask the predictable question.
“Sam went missing this morning on a coffee run,” Dean said. “When Bobby got to the diner to check on him, the whole place had been cleared out, except for the bodies of the brunch crowd.”
You gasped and raised a hand to your mouth in shock. “What happened to Sam?”
Dean’s face became grim and angry as he grabbed his wallet and keys.
“Bobby found sulfur all over the place. He thinks Yellow Eyes took him,” he said. “…I’ve gotta go.”
It was late fall, so you grabbed a coat from the rack and your purse. “I’m going with you.”
Dean halted at the doorway, and that stopped you short behind him. He turned around and gave you a firm look.
“No you’re not, damn it!” he said. “You’re staying here.”
“Are you kidding me?” you said. “The last time you faced this thing, it almost killed you!”
“You’ve got a job, remember?” he pointed out. You shook your head.
“It’s Saturday. I don’t have to be back to work until Monday, upon which I’ll take a couple of sick days if I need to.” Your words were both a warning and a promise. “Just let me help you find Sam. I’m handy with research. You know I can help!”
Dean didn’t like it. He had half a mind to keep arguing with you, but he really didn’t have time for this. He made a sound of aggravation and rubbed a hand over his face.
He then levied a finger at you. “You’re staying in the car. When we get there, you don’t argue with me. You do as I say, got it?”
You nodded. Normally you would take issue with being ordered by your boyfriend, but in the world of dark and evil things, you would follow Dean’s lead.
So you hid a triumphant smile as you locked up your house, then followed him to the Impala.
AN: Whew! Well, then lol. The reader finally gave Dean a piece of her mind (among other things). How'd you like their first date? 😉
Dean definitely gives me Joey vibes from Friends when it comes to sharing food. 😂
But as the chapter title implies, we also dug in a bit on how Dean sees himself vs. how his soulmate sees him.
So a lot of drama this time, but ending on another good ol' cliffhanger. AKA: Where the hell is Sam?
Next up, some action! Heading into 2.21: All Hell Breaks Loose (Pt. 1).
To keep reading: PART 11
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Too Far Gone - Part Fifty Six
Warnings: Swearing, fluff, smut - fingering, cum play, dirty talk, maybe a slight voyeurism kink, interrupted sex, inadvertent orgasm deprivation, light degradation? I think that's it, let me know if I missed anything
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Word Count: 6,000
Auston didn’t know when they went to bed. The curtains had been left open and the faint glow from the moon was filtering in, but he had to make good on that promise from the roof. And even then, he wasn’t done because they were both drenched in sweat, and there is something about warm beads of water cascading over his girlfriend’s chest that always ended with Auston on his knees.
Sure, it could be considered reckless to stay up that late given they have a three-year-old who has been known to barge in before the sun broke the horizon looking for breakfast. But what was Auston supposed to do, not celebrate the fact Tia finally admitted she loved him? They had talked about getting a puppy, having more kids, getting married, they planned their future, but hearing those words roll off her tongue cemented to him that it was real. As if those four years were nothing more than a long and hazy nightmare he finally awoke from.
When Auston did wake up around 9:20, he planned on quietly crawling out of bed, finding Taylour (he knew one of his friends was keeping him entertained for the time being) and wrangling his help to make her breakfast in bed. A simple gesture, one he had been deprived of for so long. It was his plan, and it was a great plan, then he saw the faint marks on her shoulders, the marks he left, and everything changed. All reason was long gone, and his primal instinct took over. If he could keep her there all day, he would.
“Aus.”
Her nails scratch along his broad shoulder and her body arches into him. Even though she is pulsing with oversensitivity, she doesn’t know if she’s had enough, if she ever will have enough.
“Babe –“ She gasps, sharply.
“What?” He grins, moustache tickling her ear.
“We gotta to get up.” He can tell she wants there to be weight behind the words, but her body is saying something completely different. “So much to do…”
“How am I supposed to get anything done when you’re naked in our bed?” Auston murmurs thickly against her jaw.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
The sheets are a mess. Pillows are on the floor. The stench of sex is heavy in the room.
“So...” His hands roam all over her body. He cups her breast, which somehow overflows in his big hands. “What’s on your list this morning?”
“Yoga.”
“Pretty sure we already did that.” Satisfaction curls on his lips.
“I want to finish up something I’ve been working on…” She trails off for a moment as he licks up her neck, tongue following the bite marks left the night before. “Have to check in with Becks…” Auston grins, the heat flaring behind her cheeks says that won’t happen anytime soon.
“What about fucking your boyfriend?” Auston’s fingers carve into the swollen flesh of her ass.
“I believe I did that already.” He moves his fingers around to her pussy lips and the inside of her thighs, and they are wet, absolutely drenched in their hot sticky mess. “That’s why we’re still in bed.”
“You should put it back on the list, maybe twice.” Auston’s mouth slowly begins to work its way down, first to her collarbone, then her breasts. As his warm tongue swirls around her sensitive nipple, her slick grazes over his member and a deep guttural groan erupts.
“Is that so?” She breathes out a laugh while tugging harshly on his curls.
“Yeah.” Two fingers once again find their way inside. Her body arks toward him and within a few seconds they begin to move. The disgusting slurp of her cunt fills the room as he thrusts them faster and faster. Her walls greedily grasp and hug his digits, never wanting to let him go. Her elbows give out and her body collapses into the bed, quickly and desperately clawing at the sheets.
Auston smirks and applies more pressure. His left hand grabs at her knee and tosses it over his shoulder, earning him a shriek from the deepest part of her diaphragm. Auston fucks his fingers back inside. Every stroke is precise, his knuckles crooked at the knuckle to create the perfect angle. “Can’t decide if I want to eat the cum out of you before I fill you back up.” Auston licks his bottom lip, his fingers massaging her g-spot. “Or if I should bury myself inside and make ya overflow…what do you think?”
“Fuck me.” Tia whispers to herself.
Auston chuckles, a little breathless. “I’m going to.” He circles his thumb around her clit, fingers rhythmically seeking her high. “You taste so good, can only dream of what we taste like together.”
Tia whimpers at the emptiness as Auston pulls his fingers out. He brings them up to her mouth, and without instruction Tia drops her jaw and wraps her lips around them. They both moan as she swirls her tongue around his digits, working to clean the mess. Quickly, he snaps his wrist and runs the saliva and cum coated fingers along her jaw. With a cocky brow raise, he shoves his tongue into her mouth.
“Better than I imagined.”
His hand moves to her hair, and she bites at her lower lip. He knows she washed her hair yesterday. He also knows she will scold him for this later. He just doesn’t care. He moves the head of his shaft down through her folds, allowing it to rest at the opening for just a second, then he buries himself deep inside her warmth.
He messily kisses her once again, taking the time to embrace the wetness that oozes out around his cock. He pulls his hips back, and right before he is about to drive back inside, her hands are on his shoulder trying to push him away.
“Stop.” Her eyes snap open, wide with fear. His brows contort with confusion, then he hears it. Little feet pattering down the hall, his playful giggle getting louder and louder with every step. They both knew they were pushing their luck going for round two, but like a moth to a flame, Auston couldn’t pull himself away.
“Taylour, come on bud, let’s go.” Fred’s voice calls, louder than normal trying to warn those on the other side.
The doorknob begins to jiggle. Tia’s breathing becomes frantic . The slow creak gets louder and louder, and Taylour’s voice enters the room. “I want to show them my trick.”
The more the door opens the more Tia’s face whitens. Auston scrambles off her and scours the floor for a shirt, pants, some piece of clothing to toss on before Taylour barrels in. But everything is everywhere, all he can find is the sheet which he tosses toward Tia.
“Mommy and Daddy are sleeping.” Fred tells him, pulling the door shut. “Why don’t we practice more, and you can show them when they wake up?”
“Because practice makes perfect,” Taylour agrees with a nod.
“Right.” Fred nods down the hall. “Let’s go.”
Auston waits a few seconds until Taylour’s feet are down the hall, then calls out, “Thanks Fred.”
“Yup,” Fred hollers through the door.
**
“I’m not sure about this.” Tia runs her finger along the strap, then smooths over her stomach.
Once they heard the footsteps fade down the hall and the stair boards creak, Auston and Tia were out of bed. Tia ran a comb through her hair while glaring at Auston for the ends that had fused together, then swiftly threw it up on the top of her head. Auston grabbed a bathing suit –because every day ends with them in the pool – and one of his t-shirts. The two of them went downstairs and Tia started making them smoothies, and Auston set out to get the avocado ready for their breakfast. After inhaling their food, Auston was outside, showing off his backflips – always a favourite with Taylour - and Tia was upstairs in her sewing room.
Once the workspace was mostly complete, she finished the couple orders that were outstanding, then set out designing a few new pieces to expand her line. She sketched out seven new pieces, three of them made it through the 3D rendering, then she began the process of cutting fabric, pinning it together and trying to bring her visions to life. One was easy, only needed a few minor tweaks but was now ready to go to the testing phase. The other two she has been stuck on. Nothing seemed to work, and Tia was about ready to scrap them both and start over, but before that she decided to reach out to the one person that might be able to help.
Celeste presses her glasses back up her nose and shuffles in her seat, as if trying to get a better view from Toronto.
“Yeah…” She hims through the speaker. “I see what you were talking about…I think the point near your underarm needs to go up a bit.” Tia turns toward the camera and lifts her arm, then points to the area she assumes Celeste is talking about. “Yeah,” she confirms. “It’s a little…” her face crinkles as she thinks over the next word.
“Aggressive?”
Celeste feigns a laugh. “That may not be the word I’d use…but yes.”
“The prototype looked so good.” Tia sighs. She thought the dress was going to be the easiest to bring to life. But when she tried the top on it sat low, dangerously low, to a point if Tia moved too much everything spilled out. Despite Auston’s objections, she added fabric to the bodice to bring the neckline up, only it came up too much. Next, she cut a bit out but then she didn’t like the neckline, it was too squared off and simple, so she tried to curve it but overcompensated as indents are being left in her skin.
“That’s why we test them out. I can’t tell you how many pieces I thought were good until I tried them on.” Celeste tries to reassure her with a faint laugh, but this part never gets easy. “It’s not that far off, dear.”
“Yeah.” Tia’s nose crinkles again, almost at her wits end with this one.
“What about the top you were working on.” Celeste steers the conversation away, hoping it has better results. “You decide on a sleeve?”
A few days ago, Tia sent Celeste a picture of a satin top with a simple square neck and subtle pleats in the bodice. The hem was unfinished and there were many pins, but what caught her attention was the two distinctly different sleeves styles. One was short and puffy, and the other was a simple and slender arm with a bell style sleeve. Tia said she was unsure of which one worked best. Celeste called it a copout, called her out to doubt herself and said she wasn’t going to help. It might have been tough, but Celeste knew she needed to make this decision on her own.
“Yay!” Celeste claps when she sees the long and flowy sleeve. This was always the right choice; she is glad Tia figured it out on her own.
“I love that one. Definitely the right pick”
“It’s playful but classic.” Tia smiles with her mentor’s reassurance.
“Completely elevates that top. Tia, I know I’ve said this before, but you have a bright future ahead of you, some people are years in the industry without the eye you have.”
“Thanks.” Tia softly laughs, a faint blush swarming her cheeks.
Now that the prototype is complete, it’s ready for Tia to make a few more and ship them back to the “testers” back in Toronto and get their feedback. Then there are the edits, photoshoots, uploading details to the website. Just when she thinks the finish line is near, she realizes just how far it is.
The two of them talked for a little while longer. Celeste told her about all the struggles she’d been facing as a store owner while in a global lockdown. Her store was forced closed, curbside pickup and online orders were slow, some days non-existent. It filled Tia with so many emotions but worry and regret were the ones she couldn’t shake. If someone who had been successful in the industry was struggling at the drop of a hat, what did it mean for her? Sales were slow, to be expected for a new line, but how long could they be slow before they stopped all together?
**
Tia put the finishing details on the shirt but left the dress on the mannequin. Normally putting it off wouldn’t be an option. It’d eat at her, knowing there was so much to do but not knowing how to fix it. But today as she walked down the hall toward the stairs, she had zero hesitation walking away because something else had consumed her mind.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Taylour screeches when the patio doors open. “Mommy, help!” He giggles mid-air as Auston tosses him to the other end of the pool, a large splash erupts around him and a few seconds later his head pokes through the surface.
“I can’t help you.” Tia chuckles as she shuffled around the pool’s edge, her feet getting kissed by the exploding water.
“Why not?” Taylour flings his arm around and starts moving toward Auston.
“Because every time I help, your dad throws me in the water.”
“Not true.” Auston winks at her.
Tia shakes her head.
“Please mommy!” Taylour squeals as Auston grabs him by the waist and once again launches him in the air.
Tia flips her wrist and glances at the time on her watch - the very expensive watch Auston brought back from the California road trip because he “thought of her when he saw it.” “We actually have to go, Taylour.”
“Nooooo!” He emphatically shakes his head.
“Yup.” Auston moves toward the stairs. The water line slowly descends, more and more of his chest coming on display for Tia to gawk at. As he moves toward the steps, he grabs Taylour and tugs him. “You said you wanted In and Out for lunch, we have to go get it.”
“Why can’t I stay with Uncle Freddie, and you bring it here.” Taylour pouts. He stands on one of the pool steps, half in – half out of the water, hoping to convince Auston to let him stay.
“Because we’re your parents not Uncle Freddie. Uncle Freddie doesn’t have to spend his time watching you.”
“I want to stay with Fweddie.”
“Well, you’re not.” Auston bites sharply, letting his frustration poke through. “You’re coming with Mommy and I.”
“I don’t want to go with you and Mommy,” he huffs, angrily smacking his hands against the water.
“Taylour, you are coming. Get out of the pool and get dressed, now.” Auston demands, but Tia catches the inflection in his voice and the smirk curving his lips.
“But why?” He raises his voice, becoming more frustrated with Auston’s unusual stern nature. Tia knew it wasn’t going to be easy getting her son from the pool, it never was.
“Because I said so.” Auston barks. “Keep it up and you won’t get to swim for the rest of the week.”
Taylour releases a loud and dramatic groan, then once again smacks his hands against the water. He stomps past Auston, grumbling under his breath, and goes right to Tia who has a warm fluffy towel waiting for him. Having lost the battle with his father, Taylour sets his sights on Tia, hoping for a different response.
“I don’t want to go, Mommy.” Taylour whined softly while he nestled his head to the crook of her neck. She hears the broken exhale and knows tears are on the way – he doesn’t handle Auston’s frustrations well - she just doesn’t know if they are real or fake.
“I know.” Tia kneels and starts rubbing her hands over his back, drying him off while softly comforting him. She gently tilts his head, and swats at the tears clinging to the corner of his eyes. “You have to come with us, sweetie.”
“Why?” Taylour sniffles, barely choking back the lump in his throat.
“Because we have a surprise for you.” Auston cards his hand through Taylour’s drenched curls and grabs his own towel.
“A surprise?!” He immediately perks up, his eyes widen and dart up to Auston. “What is it?”
“Wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you, silly.” Tia playfully boops his nose.
As if the last thirty seconds never happened, Taylour immediately takes off toward the sliding door and gives it a firm tug to drag it open. He runs inside too excited to close the door behind him, then scurries across the hardwood.
“No running on the stairs!” Auston yells after him, but he is too late, Taylour is at the top of the stairs, slipping on the hardwood as he sprints past the railing that overlooks the living room.
“What did we get ourselves into?” Tia jokingly whines when Taylour lets out an “ooh” as he uses his palms to catch himself from falling.
Auston wraps his painted arm around Tia, over her shoulder. Tia brings her hand up and grabs his, then leans against his hard chest. Little drops of water land on her shoulder and in her hair. In an almost scarily still tone he whispers, “you’re going to miss this level of calm.” The worst part is, he is right.
**
Like most car rides, Taylour quickly became impatient. It wasn’t long after he finished his cheeseburger and shake before the “where are we going,” “how much longer” and “are we there yet” started. They knew the almost hour drive would be long, and planned for it, but no amount of movies, superhero action figures, colouring books would be enough, when all he wanted was to do was swim.
“Mommy, I’m bored.” He whines and dramatically throws his head back against the car seat. He tosses the tablet, and it lands on the floor, bouncing on impact.
Auston huffs out a dry laugh. Like Taylour, his patience is wearing thin. “Wouldn’t be if you watched the movie.”
“I don’t want to watch the movie anymore.” Taylour promptly informs him. His feet kick against the car seat and he dramatically sighs, again.
“We’re almost there, Tay.” Tia turns in her seat and silently laughs at his outfit choice. He insisted on getting ready himself and his shoes are on the wrong feet, his shirt must have come from the laundry given the ketchup stain on the chest, and his shorts are bright neon yellow. The fashion designer in her cringes but as a mom, she is thrilled that he is dressed, and understands that some battles aren’t worth it.
“How many minutes?”
“Less than five.” She picks up the tablet and pauses the movie, then puts it in her bag.
“That’s too long.” Taylour kicks his legs out in a frustrated fit.
“Of course, it is.” Auston mutters sarcastically, his knuckles whitening around the steering wheel.
Tia snaps her head to Auston, and she gives him a look, one he hasn’t seen often but immediately recognizes. “I promise, you’re going to love your surprise.”
They continue driving down the quiet rural road, slowly maneuvering turns. Whatever playlist Auston selected is quiet, so quiet the only sound is the air conditioning whirring through the vents and the rhythmic beeping of the blinker. Tia presses her head against the window and watches the dust kick out from under the tires.
“We’re here.” Auston announces once the vehicle is parked in front of a large farmhouse.
Taylour perks up and tries to sit up in his seat as much as possible. He takes in the surroundings, a blue house with a simple white fence, not distinguishing or exciting for an almost four-year old.
“What are we doing here?” He asks, not hiding the disgruntled look on his face.
“This is a boring surprise, Daddy.”
“You sure about that?” Taylour freed himself from the car seat, and when Auston opens the door, he is quick to leap out.
“Yeah.” He crinkles his nose and closes the car door behind him. “There is no slide or pool, nothing fun.”
Tia hears small overlapping barks and yips coming from inside the home, her heart flutters. She has been waiting for this day her entire life.
Gravel crunches under her feet as she strolled around the car. She crouches down and puts her hand on her knees, bringing herself to Taylour’s eye level. She adjusts his ball cap over his curls then smiles. “Would it still be a bad surprise if we told you there were puppies inside?”
His brown eyes glow. “I want to see the puppies!” He blurts out.
Auston crouches down and smiles, almost bigger than Taylour. “What if we told you; we’re going to bring one home?”
“MY OWN PUPPY!” Taylour screams while jumping in the air.
“A family puppy.” Auston corrects him.
“I’M GETTING A PUPPY!” He shrieks, unphased by what Auston told him.
Auston knew he would be excited when he found out. He assumed there would be jumping and screaming, thought there was the possibility of joyful tears. What he didn’t count on was Taylour being so excited he’d sprint past them toward the front door without another word.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Taylour pounds on the door as hard as he can. “I’m here for my puppy!” Knock. Knock. Knock.
Auston and Tia had barely made it two steps before the door creaks open, a middle-aged woman stands on the other side.
“Hello.” She smiles to Taylour, then to Auston and Tia.
Taylour bounces on his heels, even though they can’t see his face they know he is beaming from ear to ear. “Hi, my name’s Taylour. I’m here for my puppy.”
“Taylour, you can’t just – “
“It’s fine.” She laughs, Taylour isn’t the first child to react this way. She moves to the side to let him pass then waits for Tia and Auston to make their way up the porch.
“Sorry, he has wanted a puppy since before he could walk.”
The three of them hear Taylour squeal as an overlapping chorus of barks and whines echo down the hall.
“No apologies needed.” They all step inside and see Taylour standing on the outside of the fenced in area. He is leaning as far as he can without losing his balance, scratching the tops of the puppies’ heads, giggling the entire time. “I’m Sandra, and that,” she eyes over to the full-size Bernese Mountain dog who is across from Taylour keeping a watchful eye on her pups, “is Stella the mom.” Shortly after a white poodle rounds the corner and walks right up to Auston, nudging his hand for some pets. “This suck is Teddy.”
“Hiya Teddy.” Auston bends down and is instantly met with a lick to the cheek.
“Which one is mine?” Taylour’s head is on a swivel. This puppy. That puppy. That puppy. He can barely keep up.
“We have to pick it.” Auston tells him.
“You can go in.” Sandra offers, motioning to the pen.
Auston and Tia step over the gate, then Auston hooks his arms under Taylour’s armpits to hoist him over. The three of them fall to the floor, immediately being swarmed by the puppies.
“Mommy!” Taylour giggles as one with a pink ribbon licks his cheek. “Mommy, I want this one.”
“Yeah?” She grins, gently scratching behind the ear.
“Any with a ribbon have a home already,” Sandra tells them. “They’ve all had their first round of shots and will be ready for the next one in about two weeks.”
“Daddy, look!” Taylour nods to his foot, where one is gnawing on his sock, attempting to pull it off.
“This one’s trouble huh?” Auston scoops up the black and white ball of fur, taking Taylour’s sock with him, then cradles it in his arms.
“He’s silly.” Taylour broadcasts, trying to yank the sock out of its mouth.
When the puppy keeps his jaw tightly clenched around Taylour’s sock, he sets the puppy on his lap to the ground and crawls over to Auston. He pets along its side with one hand, his other tugging on the sock, laughing the entire time. Finally, the puppy releases the sock only to start chewing at Auston’s wrist.
“I want this one.” Taylour gives it a kiss.
“Really? What about this one?” Tia eyes to the one curled in her lap, eyes getting heavy.
Taylour takes a second to glance between the two dogs, pondering Tia’s suggestion. She obviously knows just because a dog is calm now doesn’t mean it always will be, but something, most likely her motherly instinct is telling her not to pick the one already biting.
“Uhmmm.” He ponders. Taylour scoots closer to Tia to look at the puppy in her lap. “Ohh, this one is cute too, Mommy!”
“Mhm.”
Taylour’s eyes rapidly dart between the two dogs, and he appears deep in thought, but they both know he has zero selection criteria. A twinkle catches his eye, and his entire face somehow lights up even more.
“Can I have both puppies?”
“No.” Tia is very fast to answer.
“Puh-lease!” He turns to Auston. His move always is to try the other parent with hopes for a better outcome. “Please can I get two puppies, Daddy?”
Auston looks to Taylour, then to the puppy curled up in Tia’s arms sleeping, then to the one nibling at his wrist, and sighs. “I don’t think –“
“Please, Daddy! They can play together.” He eagerly cuts him off, desperately trying to bring home two dogs.
“Then who will you play with?” Tia can see the way Auston’s face is softening and knows she will have to be the one to shut this down.
“I’ll play with them, we’ll be best friends, all three of us!”
“I think we only need one dog for now.” Auston says dimly, but Tia knows if she wasn’t here to supervise, Auston would be bringing two dog’s home.
“No!” Taylour carefully climbs over the puppies and their toys to get to Auston and wraps his arms tightly around his neck. “We need two puppies, Daddy!”
Auston makes the mistake of looking at Taylour and sees the large pout and beady eyes, a cuteness barely rivalled by the puppy in his lap. Taylour falls to his knees and gets directly into Auston’s sightline. He puts his hands together as if he is praying, and desperately pleads with a croak in his voice. “Please can we get two, Daddy? Pleeeeease?”
Auston hates how his son knows exactly what to say and how to say it to make him forget all reason.
“Tay,” Auston sighs and prepares himself for the heartbreak, but he knows Taylour will get over it faster than Tia’s frustration if he gives in. “Just one.”
There is a groan that develops deep in his stomach as his shoulders drop. “No fair.”
“Look at how cute this little guy is though.”
Auston holds the wiggly puppy a little higher and hands it to Taylour. An excited yip comes from the puppy and a smile begins to creep its way back to Taylour’s face. “He is cute, Daddy.”
Auston reaches over and grabs a small stuffed pig and gives it to the puppy who wraps his mouth around it and starts whipping its head from side to side. “I want this one.” Taylour informs them without an ounce of hesitation.
Auston and Tia left Taylour with the puppies and found Sandra in the kitchen. They went over the paperwork and fine details. She gave them a bag with some food, a small blanket, along with a binder full of health information and veterinary records.
By the time they wandered back to the living room a few minutes later, Taylour had forgotten about his desire to bring home two. He was on his knees, heels digging into the back of his thighs, squeaking the pig in an attempt to engage the puppy.
“You two ready?” Tia walks to the edge of the puppy fencing, Auston’s hand on her back.
“Mhm.” Taylour enthusiastically nods. He stands up and Auston bends down to help him over then scoops up their puppy. “Thank you for my puppy!” Taylour addresses Sandra while making a beeline for the door.
Once Taylour was in the car, which was a task, he demanded the dog sit with him. Tia was a little uneasy about leaving them alone in the back, she had a feeling she should sit with them, just in case the puppy fell or wandered away and somehow found his way under a seat, but Auston assured her everything would be fine. He could tell she was anxious, so he reached over the console and laced his fingers with hers, then brought it to her lips and placed kisses on the back of her hand, knowing that would bring her to ease.
“What should we name him?” Auston asks as they sit at a red light, the steady sound of the blinker being drowned by the noise coming from the backseat.
“Rex.” Taylour proudly proclaims.
“Rex?” Auston probes with a laugh. The suggestion undoubtedly comes from the recent viewing of Toy Story. “I don’t know if that suits him.”
“Pickles!” He cheers from the back seat.”
“Pickles?” Tia shakes her head; she knew letting the almost-four-year-old name the dog would be a terrible idea. “What about Bernie?” She suggests in reference to its breed.
“No.” They simultaneously protest.
“How about Felix?” Auston pipes up. He doesn’t know why but the second he held him, that name felt right and it’s hard for him to imagine the dog as anything else.
“Yes!” Taylour promptly agrees. “I like that!”
Auston kept his hand linked with hers over the console as he drove the quiet Scottsdale streets. His eyes were mostly on the road, but he couldn’t help glancing in the rearview every chance he got, spending red lights turned around staring at Taylour and Felix.
The next few hours were somewhat of a blur. Taylour was eager to show Felix to Trevor and Fred. He had to FaceTime Mitch, Becks, Emily and Max,Sarah and Charlie, every person he knew. He never wanted to leave Felix, even tried getting him to come to the bathroom with him. He would lay on the floor beside him while he napped, pull him into his arms for pets, dangle a toy over his head, or run around in the yard, trying to get him to follow. Felix was a little overwhelmed at times, often quiet and reserved, unsure about the toys and people around him, but that didn’t stop Taylour. He was determined to be that pup’s best friend no matter what.
**
Auston found Tia in the kitchen checking her e-mail. Some Disney movie Taylour long ago lost interest in plays in the background, he uses the noise to sneak up in front of her. He presses himself into her and chuckles when she jumps.
Droplets of water fall from his hair and splatter on her shoulder, the towel that hangs loosely over his hips rubs against her thigh.
“He’s so happy.” Auston places a gentle kiss on her temple.
She peers out the glass doors to Taylour who is sitting on a lounger with Felix in his lap. She doesn’t know what he is saying, but he constantly laughs and places kisses to his head. Her heart is about to explode. She lets out a contentious sigh and rests her arms on his shoulders, aimlessly fiddling with the metal wrapped around his neck. “I’m so happy we did this.”
“Me too.” Auston tugs at her pony and tilts her head back, then places a kiss on her lips. “I love you, babe.”
“I love you, too.”
Tia is expecting another kiss on her lips, only Auston ducks down and starts sucking along her neck.
“Auston.” She tries to scold him, only to shriek when he grabs a handful of ass from under her damp bathing suit.
“I want to kiss my girlfriend without a little parrot announcing it.”
“I know.” Tia sighs, because he has been announcing it - six times so far. “But we should go to our boys.”
Our boys.
Auston loves the way that sounds and even though it’s only been a couple hours he can’t wait until their family grows even more.
“They’re fine, Fred and Trevor have it under control. “Besides, you have a boy here who needs you.” He rolls her hips over his slowly growing erection and carves his nails into her flesh.
“Auston.” She playfully swats at his chest, letting out a breathy laugh.
“I told you to add fucking me to your list of things to do today,” he growls.
His fingers trail over her skin, pricked with goosebumps, until they find the bows that are holding up the barely-there bikini bottoms. His fingers tangle in and he begins to tug, loosening the knot.
“It’s like 4 pm.” It’s a futile attempt. They both know it.
Having heard no reason to stop, Auston quickly hoists her onto the counter. The towel drops to the floor as he presses her knees apart. He gently teases his fingertips past the seam of her lips, sending a ripple of goosebumps up her spine.
She wants to give in.
She can’t help it.
She spent too much time without him, her heart (among other things) physically ached for him and his touch. She never wants to be without it again, never wants to crave his physical touch like she did.
Following the hitch in her breath, two fingers slide inside, and are greedily welcomed by her heat. She arches toward his electric touch and his mouth moves toward the sweet spot below her ear.
It barely takes two minutes before a slew of curse words roll off Tia’s tongue. The air between them gets sticky and Auston licks up her neck. She can see the bulge beneath his bathing suit, rapidly swelling as he continues to stroke her inner walls. Through the pleasureful haze Tia barely manages to get her fingers under the waist band.
“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Auston purrs against her neck, teeth nipping at her warm skin. Pressure builds inside her – everywhere – as Auston pets her silky inner walls. “I’m gonna bend you over this counter.” Auston’s breath is hot and heavy against her skin, fanning over her in hypnotic waves. “Kitchen’s gonna be so dirty we’ll need a hazmat team.”
Tia shudders. Her cheeks colour pink.
She wraps a leg around his hip and pulls him close. His left hand immediately finds her thigh and runs up and down. Fingerprints are left on her hips; bright red scratch marks decorate his shoulders. He’s hungry and he won’t stop until he’s had his fill of her.
“That’s what you want, right?” All thoughts disappear from her mind when his thumb starts caressing her swollen clit. Every part of her is consumed by him, and she struggles to even breathe. “To use my cock to christen this place, huh?” Her breasts bounce following every thrust, threatening to spill out of the stringy bikini top any moment. Little butterflies dance in her belly. She is barely keeping it together and Auston can tell. “M’gonna fuck you so hard a black light will break in here.”
“Mngh.” Tia chokes out, as if her tongue is glued to the top of her mouth.
“Let my friends hear.” Auston encourages her. He spits in his hand then it disappears, slathering his cock in saliva. She shudders when his warm erection nudges against her throbbing clit. “Cum baby. Show them how good I make you feel.”
Auston kneads at her fraying nerve as his breath gets hotter and heavier against her skin. They are so absorbed by the coil tightening in her belly, her release building and building -
“AUSTON!” Ema howls, absolutely horrified.
Nothing would get Auston to stop. Nothing, except his mother would get him to stop.
Taglist: If you are in this list you have expressed interest in the series (either through likes/reblogs or by asking). If it’s crossed out your tag didn’t work. If you would like to be removed or added to the list send me an ask:
@youtxbemusic@nicoleloveshockey@emsully2002 @hockeypuckspottspot @ashleymarine@albal321@b34ut1fulb4st4rds@biznastysloneshift12@burkylover@c-tangerine@canadian-girl87@crazzyfann @dana-hqy @delighttfulll@evawest5@every-beautifulthing-thereis@greendragonzz@heatherawoowoo@hockeybabe87@hockeyinaussie@hockeyisit@hockeypuckedmeup@je-ne-regrette-rien@jakekisska@partypoison00 @princesscameston @puccbunni @queenmarvel21 @sixmapleleafs@starswin@trashforbarzal@0kikina0@1-fuzzy-squirrels@janeydeaux@stuff4me2do@callsign-denmark @monnbc @simpgirl-lat@huneyjojo221 @idfan21 @elly-dx@samanthasgone@holyalfalfasprout@lwstuff @mattyzmarner @ashloveshockey
#Too Far Gone#Auston Matthews#Auston Matthews fic#Auston Matthews smut#NHL Smut#Too Far Gone Fic#too far gone#auston matthews imagine#hockey fic#hockey smut#nhl imagine#hockey imagine#toronto maple leafs#toronto maple leafs fic#toronto maple leafs smut#toronto maple leafs imagine#Auston Matthews OC#TFG#hockey fanfiction#auston matthews!dad fic#hockey fanfic#nhl fic
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The New Guy
It was the first day of class and Vince felt like a toddler in kindergarten. Although he didn't actually remember going to kindergarten back in Italy, but his mom made a point of telling him he had wailed every time they dropped him off, so this was how Vince felt.
Except he wasn't the student today, he was the teacher.
He still wasn't fully back on his feet after such a hellish bout of flu and the emotional stress, but Vince felt steady enough he could at least fake it. Besides, he had wanted to be a teacher his whole life, so even if he felt like crying from the nerves, he was also incredibly excited.
This was his old school and it was weird, to say the least, to walk the halls as a teacher, not a student. Not much had changed - better flooring, a classroom had a smartboard instead of a white one, new teachers.
His old ones were still there, though, and Vince nearly jumped out of his skin upon entering the teacher's hall and having his name shouted, "Vincenzo! Oh look at you!" as if he was the chubby kid who grew up over summer. Which yeah, he sort of was.
The literature teacher was still the same woman, Ms. Lobdell. She had been already been an ancient faculty member back when he was at school and time had done her no favors, but she was sharp as a knife.
His old history teacher had retired, the spot Vince had occupied, and the biology and chemistry teacher, a horrible man whom Vin had hated back then, had also left the school.
He was told all this by Ms. Lobdell, who dragged him around by the arm despite the first class starting at 8 AM and it already being 7:55.
Finally Vince was released from the claws of that sweet wrinkly woman to his class of snotty 10 year old, whom he was already very partial to.
Because moving had been such a huge thing, from his relationship with Wendy and his friends, to quitting his solid job and getting an entirely new place, Vince had been more than a little insecure about the whole thing.
Suddenly it wasn't just "getting a new job", it was "getting a new life" and he felt a gigantic pressure for this to be as good as he had imagined it to be, otherwise... Otherwise he would have gone through all this trouble for nothing.
It was a relief so strong when teaching his first class ended up being everything he had imagined and more, that Vince was teary eyed by lunch break.
"So how was it?" Wendy asked, her voice breathless as she moved around. Vince checked his watch again, noticing his hands were shaking with how nervous he had been. 1:30 PM, she was probably leaving her hot yoga class to get dressed for her evening shifts.
"It was amazing," he confessed, smiling, keeping his voice low, "the kids were great, the teaching plan went smoothly... They keep calling me mister Monacelli, though, which is very weird... It was just great."
"I'm glad," Wendy answered and he could tell she was smiling and meant it, "what now?"
"Now I get my teenagers," Vince scratched at his cheeks, suddenly wishing he hadn't shaved in the morning. He felt too baby faced to handle the teens, doubting they'd respect him, "they're going to eat me alive."
"Yes, but not in the way you think," Wendy teased him, "you're going to be the class crush, just watch it."
He grinned, smoothing his shirt and looking around the empty classroom. Vince had been much too nervous to join the remaining staff in the cafeteria and had had lunch inside his classroom, like a loser. Just a veggie roll too, which normally wouldn't sustain him even for two hours, let alone the rest of the day.
"Now you're just egging me on," he rolled his eyes, "how's your day?"
"Great," Wendy huffed and her voice got distant as if she had left her phone in a surface, "I have far too much free time now that you're not around, so I'm gonna start taking classes."
"Classes on what?" he balled up the paper napkin and grabbed his tooth brushing kit, walking out of the classroom, holding the cellphone to his ear.
"Anything," Wendy sighed, "I just need to occupy myself a bit, it'll help."
"I think you should take interior design classes," he entered the bathroom, "you're always fiddling with things in the apartment."
"Uhm, maybe," she sighed and then he heard a noise and Wendy cursing, "a stupid pigeon just hit my window, I gotta go. Love you, break a leg, Mr. Pussy Magnet!"
"Love you as well, honey," Vince rolled his eyes, hanging up.
His first class after lunch actually went a lot smoother than Vince was expecting, but the second one... He had no idea where his students were.
After fifteen minutes of sitting there without a single soul appearing, Vince peeked at the hallway and frowned. He was half expecting the kids to be pranking him by sitting in the hallway, but nada. Not a single student.
He sighed, locking the classroom and walking back to the teacher's hall to see if anyone else would have an inkling of where his kids had disappeared to.
An older teacher, whom Vince remembered as the trigonometry teacher and who, thankfully, did not remember Vin, was leaning against the window, with his head poking out, smoking.
"Mr. Turella, hi," Vince smiled and the older man smiled back.
"You're the new teacher, right? History?"
"Yeah," Vince crossed the room to shake his hand and the man let out a huff.
"You're looking more like the P.E teacher, son," he teased lightly, "are you lost?"
"No, not really," Vince grimaced, "but I think I lost my kids? No one showed for my class..."
Mr. Turella let out a snort, carefully resting his cigarette on the windowsill and walking across the room to the big schedule that was plastered to the wall, "oh yeah," he shook his head, "Daniels stole your kids."
"Excuse me," Vince frowned, crossing the room so he could look at the schedule as well. Mr. Turella planted a wrinkled finger over the sophomore's schedule and dragged it down.
The class before Vince's was Chemistry, with Mr. Daniels.
"Uh... That's just great," Vince wrinkled his nose in distaste, "I don't suppose I should go over and tell him to release my kids?"
"Bad move for a rookie," Mr. Turella patted his arm, "just wait for them to show and you can chew out Daniels after class. Not that it's going to help much, it never did in my case."
"He does this a lot?" Vince scoffed and the other man nodded enthusiastically.
"Oh yeah, get used to it," the man sighed and walked back to the window, "take the win, it's a break in your schedule."
"It's time they're not learning the curriculum," Vince corrected, groaning as he imagine the headache this would be down the line, when he inevitably fell behind if he didn't have enough time to teach, "alright, thanks Mr. Turella."
"It's John," the man waved him off, continuing to smoke.
Vince returned to his classroom, chewing at his lip since it was still empty. He paced nervously, until his students finally showed, thirty minutes late and chatting loudly.
"We're having P.E now?" a boy asked, causing his friends to giggle and Vince to sigh. It was going to be a long evening.
Mr. Daniels fucking haunted him. His senior students, whom he was dreading already, were also late thanks to the biology classes. Unlike the previous kids, though, they walked in quietly and seemed very interested in Vince, if only because he was new and shiny.
"You cannot be serious-" a girl blurted out, when Vince announced he was holding them for ten more minutes, since they had arrived twenty past the time of class, "sir. You cannot be serious, Mr. Monacelli," she corrected herself quickly.
Vince raised his eyebrows, not the outburst, but at the correction. It was so weird to be treated like that.
"Well, I- Alright, today you can leave, but next time this happens I'll have to hold you until we're done. You can't fall behind so close to SATs," he sighed, gesturing to the whiteboard, "and remember homework."
"Yesssir," there was a chorus of voices, making him cringe. Sir, that didn't sit right.
"I'll see you Wednesday," Vince waved to the door and then sat down, waiting for the kids to leave. As soon as he was alone, he let out a groan and rubbed at his neck.
As Vince walked to the parking lot, he paused as he saw a man leaning heavily against the wall, just outside the view of the buses leaving.
The man had his back pressed to the wall and his hands on his knees, as if catching his breath after running a marathon.
Curiosity got the best of him and Vince stepped closer, wondering if this was a senior student who had been held back - he didn't look seventeen, for sure, but not old enough to be a parent either - and if so, why he hadn't been in his class just now.
"Hey," Vince said, realizing the guy was actually older than he expected as he stepped closer, "hey, you alright?"
The guy shook his head, lips pressed in a thin line, "not feeling too hot..." he let out a soft burp, unashamed, and grimaced, "you're the new guy, the new teacher."
"Uh- It's Vince..." Vince frowned, inspecting the other man. He was a blonde, with most of his hair pulled up in a man bun, showcasing an undercut. He was wearing a buttoned up shirt, but with short sleeves - which should be a crime, in Vin's opinion, - and he could see his left arm was completely tattooed.
Definitely not a teacher, Vince thought, crouching slightly. The guy wasn't short, but compared to Vin he was. He also looked incredibly, terribly familiar.
"I'm Max," the man grimaced and spread his feet apart, "I'm gonna hurl, you should step back."
So casual about the whole deal, as if it wasn't mortifying. Vince frowned even more, "are you waiting for your kid, Max? Can I get someone for you?"
"My kid?" Max let out a little chuckle, which quickly turned into a groan and he wrapped an arm around his stomach, "no, I'm fine. Lunch was just too heavy, the cafeteria food fucking sucks."
"You're a staff member?" Vince frowned, even more confused. He wanted to get a decent look at the man's face, but he was sort of bent over, with a couple hair strands falling in front.
"Bio-" Max cut himself off with a gag and groaned loudly. He panted, back heaving and a couple of belches bubbled up, low in volume, but terrible wet. He cleared his throat, but it morphed into a cough and then Vince jumped back as a splatter of puke hit the pavement, sinking in the gravel.
He made a face, reaching out and planting a hand on Max's shoulders, keeping him swaying, and looked around, hoping there was anyone better equipped to help.
"Fuck-" Max groaned, pressing his stomach with a hand and heaving again. An empty, painful and loud, heave, followed by another cough and more vomit, this time a much larger amount. He let out a little moan, hanging over the puddle with an arm wrapped around his middle and panting.
"Done...?" Vince grimaced and the man nodded, wiping his lips on the back of his hand and then making a face at it, wiping his hand on his jeans.
"Urgh, that was gross..." he straightened up, taking a steady breath and sidestepped the mess on the ground, "sorry. I didn't catch your name?"
"Vince," he repeated, studying the man's face. They were about the same age, now Vince realized, but Max looked younger. Blonde with brown eyes and a tanned complexion, he looked like a surfer who had gotten lost on his way to California, "I'm the new history teacher."
"I'm the biology and chemistry teacher," Max shook his hand, following Vince further into the parking lot and Vin nearly stopped on his tracks.
"You're Mr. Daniels?"
"Uhhh yeah man, the one and only," the guy opened a little smirk, looking amused, "you heard about me?"
"You're the prick who held my kids," Vince glared at him, "twice. Thirty minutes each."
"I had to wrap up the subject," Max shrugged, "and they were interested. You know how hard it is to get these gremlins interested in anything, no hard feelings."
Vince scoffed, rolling his eyes, "quit doing that then," he said, finally arriving at his bike, "...Are you sure you alright?"
"I'm fine," Max smiled, smoothing his shirt and undoing the top buttons, "see you around, Mr. Monacelli."
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The Assistant [Hailee Steinfeld x Fem!Reader] - Chapter 3
Plot: Y/N Waldorf is fresh out of college and her first job is being Hailee Steinfeld's personal assistant, but what Y/N doesn't know is that Hailee is hiding a huge secret from the general public and from her, as her assistant.
Notes: This is a multi-chapter fic, you can also read this on wattpad under the same username "itspbandjellytime". This fanfic is also going to contain NSFW themes in the near future, so if you're under the age of 18 please don't read this. Thank you!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Word count: 1.4k words
[Y/N's POV]
The next day arrived, today is the day I move in with Hailee. I already packed my bags earlier this morning again, I looked at Jackie with a smile on her face and gave her a tight hug "Girl, don't be sad, at least we live in the same state now." I reassured her as she fake cries. Jackie pulls away from her and laughs "I know, I am just being very dramatic and besides, West Hollywood and Malibu is a 40 minute drive. You can visit anytime you want." Jackie told me "Hailee isnt expecting you to show up, that quick right?" Jackie asks me as I reached for the door. I respond with a shrug "Eh, better to be early.", Jackie grabs my wrist all of a sudden which made my eyes widen. "You good?" I ask her with a confused tone, Jackie told me to sit down on the couch with her for a bit.
"Yeah, It's just that I've been hearing something online about Hailee... you know... Keeping a secret from the general public?" Jackie said, as much as I love Jackie, she's my best friend, I will jump off a tall building and sell my organs for that woman... There are times that she relies on random and odd stuff on the internet, especially engaging in blind item pages like Deuxmoi. I furrow my brows, oblivious on what Jackie was telling me "What do you mean? Also what did I tell you interacting with those pages?" I said in a very motherly tone despite the fact that Jackie is two years older than me.
"Heard it from Deuxmoi before you got here, someone said that Hailee Steinfeld is hiding a secret from the public and only her manager knows about it." Jackie says, and then gasps "Do you think she's pregnant?"
"GIRL WHAT THE FUCK?!?" I yelled "You've been on Deuxmoi way too much! We both know that site is like the fifth? or lower circle in hell, you know what Tree Paine did when Deuxmoi went after Taylor Swift, right? Also we don't know these people personally!" I said, I let out a sigh and rubbed my temples, going silent for a while. "Look, whatever that is... I won't believe it." I said standing up, putting my hands up with a smile on my face.
Jackie smiles back, understanding what I just told her "Alright, but you know I am just one call away and we can meet up like once or twice a week." Jackie said, standing up again and giving me a hug. I hug Jackie back and nodded "Yeah, just message me if ever." I said, grabbing my bags and finally leaving the apartment.
Forty minutes later, I finally arrived at Hailee's lavish looking house located in Malibu. The house looked amazing from the outside and made me think what's in store inside as well, I parked my car somewhere and grabbed my bags from the trunk. I walked up to the front porch and rang the doorbell, waiting for her to open the door.
Seconds later, she opens the door for me. Hailee is wearing a pair of black yoga pants, a pair of sneakers and a black sports bra that shows off those toned abs of hers that makes me weak on my knees. She looks so hot, my heart starts racing and a lot of thoughts run through my mind seeing her like that. But I still kept my normal posture in tact to be a little bit professional "Hey, you're here! Come on in." Hailee says, inviting me to enter the house.
I enter the house with my bags and I look around the place in awe, I knew that her house would look this good even though I've never seen the whole thing. "I'm sorry if I look like this, I just finished working out." Hailee says, leading me to her living room "Make yourself comfortable, Y/N." Hailee says again, I nod with a smile on my face and I sat down on her couch. I just stare at her walk to her kitchen as she grabs a bottle of cold water from her freezer, the way I look at her is filled with admiration and adoration. My little moment was broken when all of a sudden I heard two high pitched barks, I look down to see her yorkies Brando and Martini looking at me, their tails wagging in sync.
"Oh my goodness, are these Brando and Martini?" I say, smiling at the dogs having some second thoughts if I should pet them both, I am a huge dog person but I have a huge fear of dogs biting me. "Yep, in the flesh! Don't worry they don't bite, they're super friendly." Hailee says, heading to the couch to sit next to me. Hailee puts Brando on my lap and he starts to lick my fingers, which caused me to chuckle and gently pet his head "He's starting to like you, are you a dog person?" Hailee asks. I nod in response as I kept petting Brando while Martini is lying down on my shoe "I have a German Shepard in Washington, his name is... Well... It's a ridiculous name." I said, trying to keep up with an actual conversation with Hailee.
"Well, what's the name of your dog then?" Hailee asks, her hazel eyes looking into mine. I swear, I get lost in those eyes every time.
"His name is... Sir Tenderloin McAvish the Second... We call him Tendy for short." I answered, Hailee starts to burst out laughing once I told her the name of my family's dog. Her laugh is so contagious, it made me laugh as well "I am dead serious, that's his name." I said, pulling my phone out and showing a photo of Tendy to Hailee. "He's a rescue dog, we got him back in 2003. He's like a big baby." I said, showing her a photo of me and carrying Tendy like a baby. Hailee laughs and smiles at the photo of me and my dog, zooming in the photo to see him up close.
"Well you're not wrong Y/N, I treat these two like they're my own children. Oh wait, that reminds me... Come, I'll show you your room." Hailee says, standing up from the couch. I gently put Brando down on the floor again and watch him run around the living room with Martini, I picked my bags up and followed Hailee upstairs. I continued to admire the interior design of Hailee's house, it looks cozy and comfortable. "Alright, we're here." Hailee says, opening the door of my room for me. I entered the room and looked around, I have a comfortable bed and my own bathroom and TV.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her "Thanks, your place is cool. Who's your interior designer?" I asked, Hailee leans against the door frame, crossing her toned arms. "My mom, she's the best." Hailee chuckles and looks at me, "Well I gotta say, your mom is cool. Quick question, have you ever done this before with your past assistants?" I ask, Hailee shook her head in response "Nope, most of my old personal assistants are people older than me cause you know I started this whole acting and music thing at a young age..." Hailee answers, taking a sip of water from her water bottle.
"So I am the first assistant to stay in your place then?" I asks, with a little hint of casualness.
"Yeah, I feel like you're going to be an assistant that will last long." Hailee responds, winking at me with a smirk on her face "Anyway, if you need anything else. Just let me know, this is your home now... Well once you get a place of your own." Hailee says, closing the door of my room.
I flopped down on the bed, lying on my back as I stare at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. Everything is happening all at once, it feels overwhelming but in a very positive manner to say the least. I furrow my brows a bit, looking back as I was looking around the place before heading to my room earlier.
There was this room at the end of the hallway and it was dark, I didn't ask Hailee about it because it might come off as invasive and I might lose my job. So I just quickly assumed it was a storage room, or a room that has her awards, or a room that has one single box that has her scrapped music or that damn album everyone in the fandom is waiting for. Whatever lies in that room, I'll just ignore it and focus on one thing and one thing only. My job as Hailee's assistant.
#hailee steinfeld#hailee steinfeld x fem reader#hailee steinfeld imagines#hailee steinfeld smut#wlw imagines#celebrity imagines#kate bishop#hawkeye#nadine franklin#emily junk#emily dickinson#emisue#kate bishop imagines#kate bishop x reader#kate bishop smut#fanfiction
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Do you have hc for farmhand! Sevika that are nsfw… cause I’m a whore
only writing this because I feel so unbearably needy and sub and touch-starved I'm crying. we got the full length yoga pants, hoodie, blankets 1 and 2, and all four stuffies on deck. chubby reader as usual. @pinknightsinmymind I have another contribution baby <3
she's absolutely a pleasure/service dom, most of the time. I imagine she does like to be the sub (emi has convinced of Sub Sevika), but that takes a lot of working up to. remember, she comes to the farm pretty closed off after a terrible stint in the city. at the beginning of y'all's sexual relationship, which is her first relationship where she's really, truly cared about her partner, she just needs to be able to take care of you.
fucking insatiable when it comes to giving head. I'm talking making out with your cunt, absolutely fucking soaked and sloppy, there is slick in her hair at this point. the first time she went down on you she came untouched in her boxers. honestly didn't even know she could do that, but finally getting to taste you and have you completely at her mercy after a fucking Year of pining? yeah she didn't stand a fucking chance.
after that, takes literally any opportunity to eat you out. doesn't care if your sweaty from fieldwork, it drives her fucking crazy. also doesn't care if you're hairy, baby loves hairy pussy. I said it and I stand by it. first time she sees your pussy, she goes a little bit insane because god you've been hiding this from her? y'all wanted each other for so long and she could've been shoving her face in between your thighs for how long? she's gotta make up for lost time.
doesn't let up until you've cum at least – at the absolute minimum – three times. anything less is a damn shame. needs to have you shaking and fucked out before she even considers letting you go. same thing applies to any other sexual act.
speaking of other sexual acts. her strap. holy shit her fucking strap.
dark purple. 7 inches. girth as all hell. veiny. can be a breeding strap. attached to an expensive leather harness that Sevika takes such good care of. even got special leather cleaner for it. also must add. she didn't have this one before she got with you. specifically picked this one out with you on one of your semi-regular trips to the city, alongside a few other toys. this one's her favorite though <3 next to the black strap that also has a side that goes in her <3
when it comes to fucking you with her strap, she always has to prep you. extensively. im talking at least an hour with her mouth and fingers, getting you all ready and worked up to take her. does she know you could probably take it sooner than that? yes. does she love the ritual of getting you so unbearably worked up that you cry and scramble to hold onto her when she finally pushes in? abso-fucking-lutely.
loves literally any position to fuck you in, but has a soft spot for missionary and having you ride her. for different but similar reasons.
missionary because she loves how you look beneath her, dependent on her, how she knows she can take care of you in this position. plus being able to watch your tummy squish when she manhandles you into similar positions like a mating press is just so fucking good for her.
riding her, whether she be laying down or sitting up, because she adores seeing you use her for your pleasure. it took a second for you to feel entirely comfortable being more commanding during sex, so whenever you want to ride her, she's so incredibly proud and horny. there's just something about having you astride her, taking your pleasure with no shame, no reservations. it's fucking beautiful, and she thinks you look like a goddess every single time.
loves scissoring with you, btw. always with her on top bc that requires some strength and why does she have it if she ain't gonna use it to make her pretty girl feel good. honestly didn't really consider scissoring when she was in the city, contrary to popular belief. mainly relied on oral and strap. meeting you was a fucking Revelation.
I mean it. she almost came the Second she pressed her pussy against your sloppy, warm, wet cunt, clit still throbbing from your orgasm. she doesn't know if any sensation will ever compare. fucking loves feeling you cum right against her, leaking all over her.
as hot and dirty sex can be between you two, it's also incredibly fucking intimate. this goes back to you being the first partner Sevika ever really got with that she truly, 100% was in love with, down to her fucking bone marrow. she needs to let you know that she loves you more than anything, and sex helps her do that. there's so much hand-holding, eye contact, hushed 'I love you's, kisses pressed against necks, etc. etc. everything she does, she does for you, and she needs you to know that. will even light candles for you, fucking you And making love to you in a pink-tinted room. nothing but the best for the love of her life.
that being said. baby fucking loves to take you around the farm. doesn't care how exposed it is. behind the greenhouse? check. behind the farmhouse? check. on the porch of the farmhouse? triple check. on the grassy patch above the pond? quadruple check. she does not care where it is, she just need her woman at all times, however you'll let her have you.
sometime she'll intentionally show off while she's working the farm, knowing just how needy it gets you. can't even begin to count how many times you bringing her lemonade on a hot day turned into you on your knees, dressed rucked up enough to stuff a hand down your panties as you ate her out, her big strong hands gently holding you against her cunt.
also loves your pretty lil dresses, you only started wearing them more when y'all got married and Sevika insisted on taking over the bulk of the farm work. Lets you play the pretty lil housewife, even though you still insist on helping around the farm. Anyway the dresses: yeah she fuckign adores them. loves it when you wear the off the shoulder ones with no bra, bc then she can just yank and expose your gorgeous tits, ready and waiting for her mouth.
also just. housewife kink. I will not elaborate at this time but im 100% certain of it.
farmer sevika smut! I will warn y'all now and by warn I mean but my foot down: this au is gonna have a lot of fluff. there will be smut, sure, but im a fluff girl to my core. this is basically my stardew valley fantasy. I hope y'all will love the fluff just as much as the smut.
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Hey Chronivac support! I had set the chronivac to slowly build up my twig of a best friend into a hairy muscle bound beast but I think the delay has gone on too long. Could you help me?
I am very sorry, but somehow things went wrong…. A somewhat unfortunate combination of technical problems and user errors. I suggest I define a scenario at the end of which the desired result should be. And I set the total duration of the transformation to eight days.
First part of the transformation is the retroactive change of your friend's routines. His body will now change in 24 hours as if he had already had the following daily routine for a year longer: two hours to the gym in the morning before university, one hour of running during the lunch break, another two hours to the gym in the evening. And then preparing the next day's meals and packing them in Tupperware. Saturdays are a training break, Sundays first two hours of swimming, then six hours of gym and then another hour of yoga. A life just for sports. A highly disciplined life for studying and for sports.
The second part is changing his genetics. Every day one of his great-grandparents is replaced. Until his father is a Moroccan who immigrated just before he was born. And his mother is an Albanian who has also only been living here for 25 years.
I start the tomorrow morning on Friday at 08:00 am. Sit back and enjoy!
Friday morning. You are both still rookies in the office. But you want to make a career. Getting a job in the research and development department has been a great success. And you both have no desire not to build on that. Accordingly, you are punctually at your workplace at 08:00. Everything is still quite normal. But when you meet for lunch at 12:00, your friend is pretty upset. He thinks that he has forgotten his running clothes. And that he will have to make up for the running session tomorrow. You look at him questioningly. And you notice that he looks fitter somehow. At 4:00 p.m. you get a message. Your friend has also forgotten his training clothes and has therefore already gone home and is then going straight to the gym. Dinner at 20:00 as arranged in your favorite steakhouse. Your friend is on time. However, he is not showered and still in his tracksuit. Had he not shaved this morning. He looks like a three-day beard. The meal is first about the week at the office. And then about the plans for the weekend. Tomorrow we're going to do some shopping. Your friend convinces you to come to the gym on Sunday. When you say goodbye, you realize that your friend only had the 400 gram filet with green salad and alcohol-free beer and water. You drank the wine all by yourself. Slightly drunk, you go home and fall into bed.
On Saturday morning your best friend rings you out of bed. Where you stay. The early bird catches the worm. He would have made up for yesterday's running session by now and would like to start doing some shopping. Damn, it's only 10:00 o'clock. You didn't expect him until 12:00. When you finally meet in the mall, there are already some big shopping bags next to your friend. Nutritional supplements. Protein powder. Sportswear. And he definitely looks changed. Not a gram of fat on his body anymore. But a firm ass and a visibly wider back. Fuck, it seems to work. When you're shopping, your conversations are almost all about sports. You actually start to develop an interest in it as well. And you also buy some new clothes and training shoes. You arrange to go clubbing in the evening. You almost didn't recognize your friend. His black T-shirt is almost painted on his upper body. And he moves on the dance floor as if he had never done anything else. He thinks that functional training pays off here, too. His movement coordination is getting better and better. You shake your head and get yourself a gin and tonic. And bring your friend a water.
When you arrive at the gym at 4 p.m. on Sunday, your friend is already moaning in a sweat on the leg press. "Bro, didn't we say 12:00 for Box Fit?" he says. You reply that anything before 4:00 p.m. would have been a challenge for you after last night. Your friend gives you a Fist Bump. And says that he needs your support with the chest workout. When your friend leaves for yoga at 6:30pm, you are completely screwed. And you wonder why your boyfriend has such hairy forearms…
On Monday morning you both arrive at work at the same time. Your best friend is talking on the phone in a language you can't understand. "My Albanian grandmother in Tirana has birthday today", he answers, reading your thoughts. Who the hell has a birthday, you ask yourself. Your friend walks up the stairs in front of you. Fuck, an ass made of concrete, you think to yourself. The idea of running during lunch break was really super stupid. You can hardly move from yesterday. So your friend has to wait for you all the time. And bridges the waiting time with burpees. And did he just flirt with the young guy at the pull-up bar? Fuck, the only thing that gets hard with you is your dick. When showering at the end of the lunch break, you can no longer cover up. Your boyfriend looks appreciative and gives you a kiss before it goes back to work. Before you go to bed you do a round of pushups and situps.
On Tuesday morning, your boyfriend is already there when you enter the office shortly after 08:00. And tries to persuade you again to come with him to pump in the morning. Getting up at 4:00 a.m. doesn't seem very attractive to you. But you catch yourself imagining how horny it would be to suck the sweat out of your boyfriend's beard. Shit, since when does he have a beard? In any case, you are already looking forward to the shower after the run. After work you go to dinner together in a small Albanian restaurant. Your friend seems to know everyone there. You don't understand a word they say. But the food is delicious. And you promise to come to the training tomorrow night. Your best friend grabs his sports bag, gives you a French kiss and disappears to his next sports session.
When you arrive at the office on Wednesday, the smell almost takes your breath away. Your friend is sitting across from you, grinning. He lost track of time during his workout and didn't have time to shower. Fuck, he can't work here in his sweaty workout clothes. Not because it bothers you. Because you can't get your hard-on under control anymore. It doesn't get better during the lunch break and shower. Not until your buddy in the shower goes down on his knees in front of you and gives you a blowjob. Until the end of the day you can hardly think of anything else but that you will return the favor tonight after the workout.
Hopefully no one will notice that your friend is wearing the same clothes today as yesterday. After the workout you did some cardio in your apartment. Riding on your boyfriend's cut big dark cock was awesome! Just a pity that he has made himself in the middle of the night again out of the way. But damn, he only does what you wanted. And he is no longer the man he was a week ago. His name is Eset now. But that's perfectly natural for everyone. As is the fact that he mostly works with t-shirts or short-sleeved shirts. It would be too bad to hide his biceps. For tonight, Eset has something special planned. After the workout, you'll go to an Arabian hamam. Only horny almost naked men! However, Eset still stands out here. He may not be as hairy as many here. But already one of the big boys.
It was just one night for the two of you. But it feels strange to wake up alone today. Eset is already here again before you. And has put breakfast on your desk. Cottage cheese with protein powder and fruit. He's right, you look like a twig next to him. You have to change that. When he asks if you're going out for steak again tonight, Eset looks at you like you're totally nuts. Lad, it's Friday. First to the mosque, then to sports. Of course, you had totally forgotten that. Okay, then you can work out your arms a bit before Eset comes along. Wait a minute! Mosque? What the hell?
Saturday. Eight days gone. You have a date in the park. Throw a few balls. Meet up with the lads. Eset is already there warming up with some bros. The fellas stand together and talk in Arabic. Until their alpha bro sees you.
Given his roots, Eset is a bit coy about exchanging kisses in public. But he licks the ball and throws it to you. And you lick his spit off.
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Fifteen years // Suite Life Series
Summary - November 16 2023. Cody waited fifteen years for this day.
“And we still can’t eat at one of the 8000 Italian restaurants we’ve passed because?” Zack droned, strolling at a leisurely pace compared to Cody’s practical sprint across the cobblestone lined streets of Rome.
For a 31-year-old man who still didn’t work out much more than his yoga stretching allowed, Cody was making ground. What was even more miraculous was that Cody was able to convince Zack to go to Italy with him simply to eat in the restaurant.
Then again, it didn’t take much for Zack to be convinced to do anything Cody asked him to do when money was involved. With Cody moving forward in his career in politics science and Zack enjoying his own lot in life running and owning his own construction company, Cody did sometimes still feel a need to protect Zack from the world. And when Cody said he had the two-person reservation to take Zack on—which surprised Zack as it seemed like something his brother would want to turn into a romantic dinner sort of thing—and would also pay for his tickets because “you owe me” from the last time they were there.
Zack had simply laughed and agreed to the deal before reminding Cody that he could afford everything himself, but it was, “Too late to take it back. And, by the way, I want a first class ticket. My damaged body needs to stretch out.”
“You’re brain damaged, but okay,” Cody replied begrudgingly.
And it wasn’t like things had been bad between them, sure, they got on each other’s nerves since they were born. But having gone into separate careers there weren’t many times Zack and Cody were able to spend a lot of time together so they opted to make it a brother trip, culminating the end of the week in Rome at the restaurant.
And while it had been a good trip, it was clear Cody’s eyes were on the prize.
He pumped his arms in a steady fashion, eyes planted firmly on the line that stretched in front of him. The line he couldn’t wait to stand in. To move forward in. To get inside the best restaurant he’d ever stepped foot in fifteen years before.
But this time, oh this time…
This time he was going to taste it.
He was going to taste the food he’d only dreamed about for as long as he could remember. Where he would finally understand what everyone meant when they said the food was worth it. Not like I don’t already know, Cody’s smile waned slightly as he eyed his brother, who moved to stand in line behind him. I had to watch and listen to Zack talk about this food so long and now it’s my turn.
Cody’s grin was infectious.
Enough so that Zack side-eyed him, leaning away. “Dude, I think you’re taking this a little too seriously. I mean, it’s just foo-“
“—Don’t you finish that sentence!” Cody snapped. He moved along with the line as it went forward. It was moving pretty quickly. A good sign the restaurant was still in good standing, able to get people in and out in an orderly manner. “I’m getting that Manicotti whether you want it or not.”
Zack held up his hands. “I’m just saying…give me a choice between manicotti and cowboy-ghetti and I’m picking the cowboys.”
Cody turned to Zack, holding up his hands as if to strangle his brother, gritting his teeth. But stopped when the line moved forward enough so that they were right up at the front. There was a young man standing behind the host podium holding onto a tablet. He briefly glanced up at Zack and Cody when they arrived before posing his finger over the screen.
“Order number?” He asked.
“Oh…” Cody waved a hand, his lips curling into an almost smug smile. “I have a reservation. Right here!” He pulled out his phone and illuminated the screen. He pointed to the date and time on screen. “See, November 16, 2023. 7:30pm!” He slapped it onto the table in front of him. “So…show us our table my good man.” He patted the man on the shoulder.
The man continued to stare at him. “You don’t have a reservation.” He finally said after a moment, as if silently questioning if Cody were serious.
“I assure you, I do.”
The man took in a breath through his nose. The breath that anyone who worked in customer service would recognize. The breath of ‘This isn’t going to end well’ before he said gently yet firmly, “I assure you, you don’t.”
“Bummer.” Zack arched his back, stretching. “I could really go for a pizza cone…” He trailed off, eyeing his brother when Cody turned a fierce glare his way.
“I’ve been waiting to eat this food for fifteen years, and I’m not going to miss it!” Cody growled through gritted teeth.
Zack waved his hand in front of his face. “Okay, but you clearly missed brushing your teeth this morning.”
“What is going on here?”
Cody’s eyes lit up the moment he spotted Chef Gigi. She had grown older in the last fifteen years, streaks of silver at the temples of her hair, pulled back into a bun. Nevertheless, it was still her. She had the same no-nonsense expression he remembered from his youth. “Chef Gigi! You remember me?”
“Yes, I remember all of the ones that are desperate to get into my restaurant,” she replied. She turned up her nose, looking down at them. “And destroyed my star and my sauce with your…antics!” Her gaze shifted over them. “Why are you causing a line?”
“I-I-I-I’m here for my reservation,” Cody stuttered. He grasped the letter and thrust it towards Gigi. Zack continued to watch with only mild interest. “See? You gave it to me fifteen years ago.”
Gigi looked over the reservation, nodding to herself. “You’re right, I did give you that reservation fifteen years ago.” The smile on Cody’s face was bright enough to illuminate even the darkest cave. But it was then snuffed out when she continued with, “But with the COVID pandemic we were forced to shut down for a while. And despite the loss of our revenue, we found our customers were still coming back and we were making more money from our delivery options and had switched to that. Now you have to place your orders in advance or else you won’t even come close to tasting my food.”
Cody’s jaw dropped. He looked to Zack who scratched the back of his head, not looking too worse for the wear. Completely unbothered, actually. Completely unbothered that Cody’s heart had just been ripped out and stepped on. “B-b-b-but, okay…” He took a deep, calming breath. Yoga was really proving to be helpful in times like this. “We can place an order.”
“That’d be nice.” Gigi nodded.
“Can we place it now?”
“We’re booked up until 2038.” Gigi gestured towards the increasingly disgruntled people behind them. “See the line?” With that, she waved them off and disappeared back into the restaurant.
Cody’s jaw dropped. Eyes widened. Breath hitched. He’d cry if he was able to even muster up the tears. His entire body was frozen, stuck. Memories of that exact same conversation from fifteen years before swirling through his head. The excitement of getting that reminder email of the reservation he’d placed years before. The anticipation on tasting that tangy tomato sauce, the radiant ricotta, the creamy cheese of the--
“Mmm.” Zack’s humming broke Cody’s depression. He slid his hands into the pockets, barely glancing at the stunned expression on his twin’s face. “How do you feel about Mexican?” Cody slowly turned his incredulous glare to his brother. Zack shrugged. “I’m not really feeling Italian.”
THE END
#the suite life on deck#november 16#november 16 2023#cody martin#zack martin#suite life of zack and cody#by: riley#you had to have known i was going to do something for this#it was also a good exercise to get back into their heads#i giggled while writing this#suite life
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The Forgotten One Chapter Four: You’re my Best Friend
Series Masterlist
Warning: Mentions of medication and injuries as well as trauma.
The first month after the accident was spent gingerly easing back into somewhat of a normal routine. Jack had physical therapy three times a week for his shoulder, got rid of the sling and prepared himself to head back to work. You had been recommended by your doctors to move at your own pace. You took up yoga and daily walks, anything to ease the mind and get you to relax enough to allow the memories to come flooding back naturally. The two of you had stopped putting pressure on getting you to remember and simply started over as friends. Jack was a fantastic roommate and you could see glimpses of why you fell for him so hard. He knew you like the back of his hand: your favorite shows, foods, music. And you began to unpack a lot of things about him too, like his disdain for the color yellow and his obsession with Pokemon cards.
But the most important part was the little things. He never forgot to give you your meds and a cup of water before bed. One afternoon he came back from PT and covered you with a blanket after you had fallen asleep on one of the couches in the living room. And there wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t check in and ask how you were feeling and if there was anything he could do to help. Another thing you’d added to your routine was a weekly status report where you asked each other a series of questions regarding the state of your mental health. You asked each other about nightmares, things that were plaguing your minds during normal day-to-day activities and if there was anything either of you needed to get off your chest that you felt only the other would understand. He felt like less of a stranger and more of a partner in crime and that had made this time so much more comfortable.
“Now that I’m finally able to drive and we can go out and do things, I made plans for us this week.” Jack plops down onto the couch next to you, stealing a grape out of your bowl.
You furrowed your eyebrows in anticipation, “What are we getting into?”
“Several things, but I’m taking us to our first stop right now. So I’m going upstairs to change into something casual. We aren’t doing anything crazy.”
Thirty minutes later the two of you headed off in Jack’s car to your unknown location. You let out a laugh when he pulled into a parking spot and announced that this was the first stop.
“Main Event?” You giggled, “I haven’t been to one of these since—”
“Our first date.” He finished for you. “This is where I took you after finally convincing you to go out with me.”
“This is amazing. My first date with the son of a billionaire was at a massive arcade.” You shook your head, unable to wipe the smile off your face. “Alright then, let’s do this. Might have lost my memory but I will never lose my competitive spirit. Are you ready to get your ass beat in these games Mr. Harlow?” You gave him a cocky smirk.
There’s my girl, he thought to himself.
He unfortunately got the best of you in pop-a-shot but you did beat him at air hockey. Then you headed over to the skeeball area and it got him thinking.
Four years earlier…
“What the fuck? Are you some sort of skee ball professional or something, what is this?” Jack cackled, watching you land in the 100 slot for the third time in a row. “Here I thought I was going to impress you with my ticket earnings and get you a massive bear but you might have to get me one.”
He’d reserved the entire building for three hours just for the two of you. “You know, I’m really glad you didn’t bring me to some Michelin star restaurant with seven one-bite courses. This is so much better.”
Jack grabs the ball from you, rolling it into the 40 slot, a look of disappointment written all over his body. You hugged his arm and gave him a pat on the back, “you’ll get ‘em next time buddy, maybe you’ll even be as good as me when you grow up.”
He kisses the smile off your face and every one of your pores oozes happiness. You were on a date with your fucking boss and you were actually enjoying it. You enjoyed being with him and it was apparent with the intensity of the kiss that he felt lasted a lifetime. He wanted to keep kissing you, keep laughing with you and keep enjoying every moment he got to spend with you, as long as you’d allow it.
The two of you walked over to the prize station at the end of your adventure and you let Jack pick out a prize that he happily walked around with for the rest of the day.
“Wait…is that why you have that giant blue teddy bear in your room?” You laughed, taking a bite of your pizza as you watched him nod.
He gives you a warm smile. “Sometimes when I miss you I just grab him and put him in the bed so I have something to hold on to. It’s one of my favorite memories of us. Just having fun, playing silly games without any care in the world.”
You couldn’t even begin to imagine the heartache he must feel every day. Seeing you but not being able to be with you in a way that he’d gotten used to. But it felt nice to hear him talk about your past without as much sadness in his eyes as the first days, if you had to guess it was probably a bit therapeutic.
“Well, what prize are you going to pick out with these tickets?” You asked, looking at the bag full of them.
“You should choose.” He nodded his head towards the prizes when you got there.
The two of you stood there for a second as you pondered your decision. “I think I want the purple bear with the bowtie. Purple is your favorite color, right?”
He clears his throat, physically getting rid of the lump forming there. “Um yeah—yeah purple is my favorite color, I only mentioned that once. Glad you remembered.”
“Okay so I’ll get the purple one then.” You thanked the employee when he handed it to you and you let Jack carry it out to the car. “You know that blue is my favorite color which is probably why you got it, so that’s why I got this one. Now we each have a bear in our beds and even though we’re not connected like how we used to be, we can make new memories that are just as special.”
Jack nodded slowly and pulled you in for a hug, letting out a sigh of relief when you returned his embrace. Maybe this walk down memory lane was just what the doctor ordered.
The next stop on the tour was a visit to your old apartment building, the one you vividly remembered. It was completely empty and the walls had been painted a sleek cool gray instead of the white chipped walls that you were used to.
“How did you get access to this place?”
“I bought it.” Jack states plainly. “Wanted to turn this into an extra space for you to do whatever you wanted since you mentioned how much you loved it. So I was planning on refurbishing it to whatever you decided but obviously we didn’t get around to it.”
Ew, he really really loved you and the little crush on him that you’d been pushing down for the last couple of weeks was getting harder to hide. “Okay so, this was my apartment. Why is this what you called the most important place on memory lane?”
Three Years Earlier…
“You really need to start being more serious. Captain America: The Winter Soldier is so much better than Iron Man 2 and you know that! Steve having to literally fight to the death against his childhood best friend and then realizing it was Bucky? Please, that is cinema.” You scoff, tossing another Sour Patch Kid into your mouth.
Jack throws his head back in laughter, irking your nerves even more. “You think anything with Chris Evans is ‘cinema’ so I don’t really wanna hear it.”
“Says the guy who drools every time he watches an episode of The Sopranos!” You point your finger at him for emphasis, “you have no room to talk.”
“Aw, is my baby jealous of Meadow Soprano? Come here.”
You resist his advances by turning your head back to the screen in front of you. Jack moves closer and closer until he’s sitting on top of you on the couch. “Jack move, you’re heavy.”
“Not until you give me a kiss.”
“No, just move. I can’t breathe.” You laugh as he holds your face in his large hands, scooting to the side to take some of his weight off of you, but not entirely getting off your lap.
Jack sighs as you close your eyes. “Look at me.” You shake your head and he repeats himself until you blink your eyes open. “There she is. Meadow ain’t got nothing on you baby…trust me.”
“You’re my favorite thing in the world. My one and only. And I would still love you even if you chose Chris Evans over me.”
You swore the Earth stopped spinning for a second. “You what?”
“I said, I would still love you even if—”
“You love me?” You whispered, a tingling sensation brewing in your legs that wasn’t from your boyfriend sitting on them. You felt like you were floating.
He let out a stifled laugh and gave you a gentle kiss. “I love you. So much. I love everything about you. And I’m not saying that just so you can say it back, I really mean that. I—”
“I love you too Jack. I really do, even if you do have shitty Marvel movie takes.”
Jack couldn’t wait until those three words came out of your mouth again. But he knew it would be worth it so just for that, maybe he could wait as long as it took, just to feel how he felt that day.
The two of you then headed over to Churchill Downs Inc., where everyone welcomed you with warm hugs and so much love. This really was the best place to work and you couldn’t wait to catch up on everything and head back to a somewhat normal life. And making money again didn’t sound too bad either. Jack walked with you upstairs and there was a man sitting at a desk in front of what you now noticed was your office door.
“Y/n, this is your assistant Ben. Ben, we’re just here to let her see the place and check everything out, shouldn’t be too long.” Jack reassures him, sensing that Ben was busy.
The man, who you now know as Ben, stands up anyway. “It’s so good to see that you’re out and about again. Do you guys need anything? Coffee or snacks? I just restocked your mini fridge in there just in case.”
“Thank you Ben, but I think I’m good for now.” You told him with a smile. He gives you a simple nod and returns the smile, all of his pearly whites on display. Cleo calls Ben’s phone and asks him to come to her office as Jack opens the office door and you follow right behind him.
“How long have I had this assistant? He seems to know every single thing about me.” You observe, opening the door to the mini fridge to find it full of your favorite drinks and the cabinet stocked with snacks that you thought only Jack knew you liked.
Jack leans on the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. “Um, maybe like a year? Probably a little longer. He’s good at his job though, he’s been keeping track of your progress reports and other stuff while we’ve been gone. And you seemed to like him before the accident so he’s probably overdue for a raise honestly.”
“Yeah you should give him one, he seems like he knows what he’s doing and he’s clearly doing it well.” You didn’t know why you felt so strongly about this since you just met him, but you felt like you needed to let Jack know that this was important to you.
He didn’t say another word, just let you look around until you got bored and then asked if you were ready to head home. You bid your goodbyes to everyone and headed back to Jack’s car so he could drive the two of you back to his—your shared house.
While you showered and got ready for the night, you thought back to the man you met earlier. You had to admit that Ben was cute and something about him felt peaceful and familiar, the kind of ease that took a month to build with Jack, who you supposedly were madly in love with. It made you feel bad so you ignored the nagging feeling and headed downstairs to find the curly haired man rapping along to some song called ‘Industry Baby?’ You still had things to catch up on but Jack was so busy with his salmon and the song to even notice you coming into the kitchen. He looked so free and happy that it made your heart swell. You wondered how many times you’d seen this sight, your man cooking dinner for you, serenading you along the way and listening to music together while you cleaned up the kitchen afterwards. The song “You are the Reason” came up as you placed the last utensil in the dishwasher and Jack reached out to you.
“Can I have this dance?” He asked and you dried your hands off to join him. You allowed him to pull you into his arms, slowly swaying to the music, your bodies fitting together seamlessly. He spun you around a few times and welcomed you back in, your head resting on his chest as the hand that wasn’t holding yours made its way around your waist. You found yourself resting your arms around his neck, taking a look in his eyes, a toothy grin appearing on his face. This was the closest you two had been since you woke up and your heart was beating in your ears when you found yourself looking at his lips. The thought of kissing him was exhilarating and he leaned down to press his nose against yours, his touch tickling your skin. He leaned in tentatively and luckily your hands were already around his neck so you pulled him down to you, your lips connecting in a tender kiss, the most delicate one you’d ever experienced and those feelings of anticipation and nerves melted away and made way for—nothing.
You felt nothing. No fireworks or warm sensation in your body sending shivers down your spine like you expected. You were kissing your boyfriend for god’s sake. The man who had literally dropped everything and catered to your every whim the last month and three weeks and now you were finally doing something with some sort of romantic intimacy and it left you feeling…empty.
It was too much. You frantically pulled away, feeling tears brewing in your eyes and Jack looked at you, clearly concerned.
“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” He gave you a look over to see if there were physical signs of pain like bloodshot eyes or a pronounced vein on the side of your head that he now had come to learn you got when you had a migraine.
“I didn’t—I didn’t feel anything when we kissed.” You sobbed, a hot tear burning its way down your cheek. “Nothing came back either. I thought, I thought something would come to me, maybe even a flash of a memory, anything really.”
He sighs and runs his hands up and down your shaky arms. “It’s okay, we’re okay. We don’t have to rush anything, the way we’re headed is just fine it’s not—”
“Aren’t you concerned that I didn’t feel anything? No spark no—no butterflies, nothing! That doesn’t scare you?” You stressed, stepping back from him.
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re recovering from a traumatic brain injury y/n, a true love's kiss isn’t going to magically fix it and I recognize that. We have to be patient. Take it a day at a time like we said?”
“I’m TIRED of being patient Jack. It’s been a month and I still have no idea who the hell I'm supposed to be. I don’t want to wait anymore.” The tears would not stop flowing and you couldn’t wipe them away fast enough. Things weren’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jack rushes out, alarms sounding off in his head.
You didn’t know what to say so you didn’t say anything, he watched you walk upstairs to your room and heard the door close. He took his time heading up to his room, stopping at your room for a few minutes, listening to your sobs through the door. All he could do was shed a few tears of his own, knowing deep down that he was losing his best friend.
Taglist
@jackharloww
@killatravtramp
@middlechild404
@harlowcomehome
@itsyagirljaz
@iknowdatsrightbih
@earthtoharlow
@alimaythings
@rosie-posie08
#jack harlow#jack harlow imagine#jack harlow x reader#jack harlow angst#jackman thomas harlow#jack harlow au
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Today was put baby Eric into THIIICK DIAPERS AND BOOSTERS and dress me up in my most toddler clothes and purposefully try to humiliate and embarrass me!
I absolutely LOVE public humiliation and embarrassment. Totally stems from my teenage years were being a diapered sissy was an everyday thing. lol. My sitter dressed me with pink shortfalls and pigtails…not to mention spraying baby powder all over me so anyone that was within 10 ft would smell that familiar smell and immediately stare at my massive diaper budge.
First stop, CVS. (I was oblivious to her plans) Roxy inserted my pink paci and clip (which meant I had to keep it in) brought along my most sissy diaper bag and let the embarrassment begin!
She was holding my hand and directed me to the baby aisle. After pacing back and forth finally a few customers and employees were close enough to hear her, which was the plan!
“Okay baby Eric, I know we need diaper wipes for the tinky bottom, and more powder to make sure you don’t get a rash…hey, I think I’m going to try out some suppositories too, that way…you know” this was almost screamed. lol. Everyone stole a few glances as I stayed a warm crimson on my cheeks.
She also knows that the more embarrassing the situation, the easily and more I just release my bladder. I was soaked in 90 seconds. To make matters, more intense one of the customers close to us was starting a little too hard at me so she started a conversation with him! Talked all about my bed wetting, and changing table. Oh yea. I just melted.
After that it was time to grab lunch, I was purposely not checked or changed before hand so she could wait for the perfect moment to demand a diaper check (in front of everyone). And I’m talking full wet sagging diaper exposure…to then loudly ask the server “do you all have a family restroom? This little guy needs a fresh diaper! He’s all wet! Poor guy”. I tinkled more in my wet diaper all the way to the restroom.
For a cherry on top after finishing the change, on the way back to the table “doesn’t that fresh diaper feel better baby boy? I bet it does!” Making sure to project and make eye contact along the way!
For our last stop, we went to Target. She wanted me to try on some short skirts, and yoga pants. (We are really into dressing me in toddler drag lately). Somehow while collecting things to try on, she gets me naked except for my super thick pink diaper and kept opening the door so anyone around saw the sissy baby in his diaper.
Not to mention she made friends with a Target employee and he is going to babysit me this weekend. Lately she has had fun with the Eric has to give a blowjob to get a diaper change. All those butt plugs she’s been stretching me with came in handy as after sucking this like 10” cock I was told to bend over and my poor butthole was re arranged…good thing I where diapers, I have been leaking out of my bottom for days.
Any mommies or babysitters want to humiliate/embarrass me? Bring it on!
#ab dl lifestyle#24/7 diapers#ab/dl diaper#diaper bulge#diaper dependent#diaper sissy#diapering#bed wetting#active#sissy diaper
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🥨Tag Game Wednesday🥨
Tranqed & tagged by the National Wildlife Association & @juliakayyy, @skylerwinchester, & @jrooc on this fine Wednesday.
name: super productive cutie patootie who's doing laundry on a school night 🤯
age: twice the hypotonus of purple divided by pi
star sign: taurus ♉ (born in the year of the dragon🐉; it's my year, y'all!)
your first language: English/Spanish
second language: Spanish/English (ok, that was snarky of me, I'm bilingual from the cradle)
favourite lip product: I used to use Maybelline Baby Lips tinted lip balm, but have recently stopped using it due to their continued use of palm oil. CoverGirl's tinted lip balm runs a close second. They've updated their policies on palm oil (though it's not perfect). I'm on the lookout for that "perfect" shade with the "perfect" ethical model.
the best food dish you can make without a recipe: Enchiladas & spanish rice. (The basic bitch, low rent version.)
If you drink tea, what kind? I like anything from Stash, especially the sweet n' spicy blend.
If you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? I love a deep, dark roast. Something full-bodied & complex.
favourite thing to watch on youtube right now: Ugh... here's where I expose myself for the giant nerd that I am. I watch a lot of "facts" and "tutorials." So: plant videos, crochet tutorials, knitting tutorials, yoga videos, guided mantras, macrame/knot tying. Fuck, how embarasing.
favourite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: Oh, back then, it was probably music videos & dumb people narrowly avoiding death & people in other countries doing normal shit.
favourite item of clothing right now: This hoodie from LL Bean. I genuinely get upset when it gets too hot to wear it. It's on sale rn & I'm thinking of getting one in a different color. 🤦🏻♀️ Someone stop me!
favourite item of clothing in 2012: More than likely, it was my UC Irvine hoodie.
fandom
three movies you recommend: Green Street Hooligans, Rise of the Guardians, King of Staten Island
your favourite concert: The last one I went to was Foo Fighters, so that one?
have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? No.
have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? No.
the best tv show you watched last year: Interview with the Vampire was good. Heartstopper was, too. Nothing has gutted me like Shameless.
do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? No.
a ship you’ve abandoned: Fangirls don't die, they evolve. No 'ship left behind.
on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? Um, with who, prey tell? (pun intended)
do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?) Not YET. Wifey won't let me get knuckle tats, so I have to get creartive.
what fandom do you wish was bigger? None, they are the exact size they need to be.
has a finale ever ruined a show for you? Swear to god, if we don't get one more season if OFMD. Also, we need a Shameless reunion and/or spinoff. That's all I'ma say about this topic.
have you…
swam in an ocean? Two of 'em.
ever been vegan/vegetarian? No, but I do enjoy going to vegan restaurants with my sister who is lacto-ovo.
gone skinny dipping? Yes, kinda.
gone skiing? No. I have always had shitty knees.
been to a convention? Yes, for work and fun. When I was in the industry, I used to go to health food conventions often. And I've been to NY Comicon twice. I almost went to a tattoo convention this year, but I got lazy. :-)
🥨🥨🥨
Check this shit out, I'm on time with this one! 🦚 I'm tagging @notherenewjersey, @mybrainismelted, @lingy910y, @francesrose3, @sleepyfacetoughguy with no pressure to play, as always. And anyone who wants to play!
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last week @nxposure tagged me in two different tag games and now i have some time to answer! thank you, dear!
first game: 15 questions
Are you named after anyone? no, i'm not. my parents just liked the name. but allegedly for a short while they considered naming me after a song by a band they love and i dislike. i thank god everyday that in the end they decided to name me weronika instead
When was the last time you cried? this month? or last month? i don't remember
Do you have kids? i don't but i want to in the future
What sports do you play/ have you played? only PE classes at school. would love to start doing some yoga at home tho because i don't move much other than evening walks from time to time
Do you use sarcasm? i suppose. i don't pay attention to that
What is the first thing you notice about people? hard to say, i'd say general vibe. having some sort of social anxiety and experiences with bullying makes you decide pretty fast if the other person is nice to you or if they make you uncomfortable
What's your eye color? dark green. sort of blueish
Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings. i avoid horror movies at all cost (with some exceptions)
Any talents? uh i guess crocheting! not an expert on it and cannot make my own patterns but it makes me and some other people happy
Where were you born? poland, in a shitty hospital in a different town so i don't even have my hometown on my birth certificate
What are your hobbies? as tumblr puts it "media consumption" (watching movies and listening to music) but also crocheting like i said previously
Do you have any pets? a black cat! she lives with my parents so i don't see her that often now
How tall are you? 162cm which is 5 feet 6 inches i believe. i've had to convert inches to centimeters in so many crochet patterns and i still don't remember how much an inch is
Favorite subject in school? english because it was the easiest class for me. i also liked history and geography
Dream job? translating movies but they don't give me a deadline and i can just make the most perfect translation. or i could do voiceover for nature documentaries. an impossible job is an old hollywood movie star or a rockstar in the 70s
and now the second game!! 5 songs i like. i think i will just list things i've been listening to lately
i went thru sleater-kinney's discography again after the release of their new album because well, i didn't like the new album. so i'll stick to their older ones
spotify reminded me about this song by putting it on my discover weekly playlist and i'm just looping it constantly
peter!!! i love this song, the ending especially (and also the reworked version of this from birdy soundtrack)
finally watched shaft the other day and i love this instrumental
haven't heard this song in years but now i'm listening to it a lot like it's 2008 again
#thank you once again!#not putting it under readmore. everybody has to look at it#and whoever looks at it can choose which game they want to do#because i dunno who to tag! just felt like answering some questions#Spotify
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so I finally logged out instagram a week ago. and I'm already having the urge to log back in. I stopped using it because I was having constant FOMO and anxiety. any tips on how to live life without social media being a major part of it, and how to quit an addiction to social media?
thanks! I love your blog sm 💗
Your initial reaction to feeling FOMO is perfectly normal. Social media consumes a lot of time and when one goes off, you suddenly have more time / your mind instinctively wants to open social media when you unlock your phone.
I went off Instagram for about 6 months last year. I don’t think I’ve had a better year.
How did I do it?
- ease into it. Don’t just go cold Turkey. Start by turning your notifications off. Put a time limit to Instagram. For a week, practice this.
-download a couple of apps that are going to compensate the loss of ig. For instance, one of those brain game apps (Elevate, Brilliant, Mental Math, Solitaire). Some form of education and gamification.
- start using those “healthy apps” in place of social media. You’re essentially choosing the lesser of the two evils. At this point, deactivate Instagram and delete the app.
- finally, you start spending more time in the real world. Don’t check your phone first thing in the morning unless work calls for it. Keep it away for an hour before bedtime. Read more. Join some sort of activity like running / yoga / hiking / art and craft classes - something which gives you an insight in the real world. You have to increase your engagement in the real world in order to decrease your time in the virtual world.
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Day 1 on the Jen cares about Jen train -
Started the morning at 6 am…. Up and at em getting the kids ready for school. I make it easy on myself and have their bags and lunches packed the night before and lay out their clothes as well.
C took Jamis and I take Lilith a little later on Mondays so we can have a leisure morning getting ready. I dropped her off at 8:30 and made the 9 am yoga. It is was a great class. Sweat my arse off and it felt really good.
I stopped by co-op and picked up the plants I needed for the garden, replacement lavender as mine died this past winter in a below zero freeze we had and headed back across town to drop J’s lunch at school - getting back in the swing of things is hard and C forgot it lol
Then I came home and planted -
The garden is in!!! I picked up these raised beds a couple years ago on clearance…. We put them together, finally, in March and filled them with dirt from my dads.
I planted all kinds of things…. Brussel sprouts, pole beans, okra, tomatoes, carrots, cantaloupe, watermelon, strawberries, a variety of sweet peppers, poblanos, egg plant, zucchini, spaghetti squash…. I think there’s more but I can’t remember.
We are hosting a baby shower for some friends of ours this coming weekend so I have been systemically cleaning parts of the house I sometimes ignore - cough, cough, the kids rooms, cough. I did J’s yesterday and L’s today. I haven’t gone through their closets, or clothes to change out for the seasons, but I changed their sheets, picked up all the toys so you can see the floor and finished up all the laundry. It’s not that it takes a super long time, it just takes time, which I seem in short supply of.
Then I went to my orthodontist appointment for my Invisalign. Guys!!!!! They took off all my attachments and buttons, et al today - it feels so good to have smooth teeth again. I can’t describe it unless you know about it first hand, it’s just so nice. They are making me a retainer, which I’ll wear for 6 months during the day and another for night sleeping. Finito. It was SUPPOSED to be 12-18 months and it’s been 27. It was getting long in the tooth, pun intended. Here’s to hoping no more snags… she even ground down some uneven spots and it seems unreal to have straight and even teeth. Happy camper over here!
It took much longer that anticipated and I had to leave before finishing x-rays to head BACK across town again to pick up Lilith for her ballet class. She has another week of class then season ending performance next weekend. I take the time she’s in her lesson to walk the neighborhood there as they don’t let you in for practice. I typically can get in 2 miles, which I did today, and that always feels good.
I was able to do all the things on my to do list. Go to a yoga, get in a walk, drink my water and we even had family dinner together tonight.
Feeing accomplished and hopeful for heading back into work. They caused some stress my first week off requiring things so urgently it supposedly couldn’t wait until I returned tomorrow, and I verified with the team nothing else was needed, fingers crossed I don’t walk in to a hot mess in the morning.
No hot messes for us team xx
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Health recap, I guess? 2019 to present, because I'm so frustrated with my health atm.
Early 2019, I started with wrist pain whenever I used my hand to push on something. Nobody could figure it out. Did OT without much help. Was told it is "probably functional" but lost ability to do things I love, including lift weights and do yoga.
End of 2019, I got sick with an upper respiratory infection. I get colds periodically like everybody else. Nothing new.
URI did the whole "got better, then it got worse" thing and turned into a sinus infection and then my First Ever Ear Infection.
Went into urgent care; was given... some... antibiotic. I don't even remember the class. When this helped but didn't resolve, and the URI progressed to a cough and lower respiratory stuff, I was put on another antibiotic of a different class.
Eventually that antibiotic cleared it up, but I had a terrible cough for a few months. Also. Finally see a new psychiatrist who puts me on Wellbutrin and I feel so much better emotionally. Not physically.
Enter in COVID! I was working in a derm clinic and had to take my temp multiple times a day. We found I was persistently having fevers! Yay! I also was tremulous, nauseous, and lost weight unintentionally. This was on top of a couple year history of significant whole-body pruritis. Concern is something cancer.
Provider I worked for ordered labs while I waited to get into my PCP. My TSH was marginally high, which was unexpected. My PCP called and was like "let's put you on levo!" to which I said no, let's not, because I'm not presenting with any hypothyroid symptoms. I requested repeat TSH plus additional thyroid tests eg T3/T4.
Those came back normal, PCP was all "its a good thing I didn't start you on meds" like ma'am no, it's a good thing I had some medical knowledge and thusly refused and pushed for repeat studies. My PCP did not additional workup and took my temp via forehead scanner and was all "you're perfectly healthy."
Moved, and thus I needed a new PCP. New PCP did more extensive workup.
Start grad school fall of 2020. Can't focus well, suspect ADHD because my sister has ADHD and my historical depression, which I've blamed all my previous focus issues, is well-treated with Wellbutrin. PCP agrees but because of fevers doesn't think it's a good idea to start a new med yet.
Everything negative/clear/normal, including peripheral blood smear, blood culture, and chest and abdominal CT.
"Well, the next step would be a bone marrow biopsy..."
That sounds painful, no thanks. If it's something insidious, it'll eventually show up on routine labs and then we can do the biopsy. I continue to have fever and ear pain (even when my ears look "clear") and recurrent ear infections. I notice my hair is thinning too, and I keep getting recurrent scalp infections, but oh well. School goes fine even if I can't focus well, so I ignore that, too.
I figure out that my wrist pain is a ganglion cyst that nobody noticed because it didn't grow "up" but snaked its way through bones so it took 2 years for a "bump" to present. Had surgery to remove it in early-Mid 2021.
Constant stuffy nose starts in 2021, but my husband's hips died in mid 2021 and I focused more on him initially. I still can't focus and my nose is so stuffy it interferes with sleep.
Enter into a long discussion with my PCP where she refuses to acknowledge that I might have ADHD and thinks it's from my nose + inability to sleep. We try to treat it. Nothing works. Still. Stuffy.
Apply to medical school. Worried about ADHD and being able to focus and learn. Therapist who I've been working with since Husband's hips agrees it is ADHD but can't medically treat. Referred to testing because maybe if I have an actual diagnosis, my PCP would treat.
Diagnosed with ADHD + autism. Clinician assessor told me that my PCP's office doesn't usually "accept" his diagnoses.
Go to a PMHNP instead who won't prescribe stimulants without assessment from a specific neuropsych.
Placed on Strattera while I wait for neuropsych results. It's terrible. Fevers spike, I'm shaking all the time, can't sleep, like no change in focus. 0/10.
Do assessment with neuropsych. Only did some self-rating scales + the WAIS. WAIS test is voided because I've done it too recently. I still have to pay.
PMHNP finally says she won't make me go through any more hoops and we try Vyvanse. Vyvanse is amazing. I barely have any exacerbation of anything physical even.
Start medical school, things are OK and stable.
A few weeks into school (probably like, 6 weeks after starting the vyvanse, if it matters). I start feeling unwell and dizzy and like my eyes can't focus well, and I can't bring myself to eat. I figure I just need more hydration + electrolytes. Eat more salt, do better.
Two months into med school, everything flares. My scalp flares, I end up with a staph aureus infection not just on my scalp but by both of my ears, neck, and even a small abscess on my arm.
Treated for the staph but two weeks later develop widespread myalgias. Start taking daily Aleve to manage.
Fever is flaring without any particular pattern during this process.
Losing so much hair in the shower and in clumps. Husband can't find discrete lesions of baldness. I look at the hair and they are all telogen stage. Decide it's probably telogen effluvium from the stress of school.
Myalgias get progressively worse until I am in so much pain just sitting in class that if I forget Aleve for just one day, I'm almost crying and can only focus on the pain.
Finally decide to get another appoint with my PCP. It's in 2 weeks.
Why did I wait so long to see my PCP again? Because I am fat with a history of a restrictive eating disorder and I am absolutely petrified I will be labeled once again as the Overly Anxious Fat Woman that "just needs to meditate and lose some weight," and that when I bring up my new diagnoses and meds, I'll be told I "can't possibly be autistic" because I'm in med school and "present myself well" nor can I have ADHD because clearly I'm just an overly anxious fat woman.
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crawlspacefics
Crawl's Space
coaxol0tl
house of mineta