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sebstanaddict · 1 year

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Love Song

Sebastian Stan x Female Reader Story

Summary : A romantic comedy story between Sebastian Stan and female reader where we witness their journey after they said I do.

Having been contacted by Sebastian, reader felt her life finally became normal. She couldn't lie to herself. She really still loved him. Moreover, Sebastian started to treat her and her family the way he used to treat her before they were married. His gesture touched her heart and soul the way they've never been touched before. However, Sebastian still couldn't put words into action and that made her doubt his love for her. Will he come through and will be able to proof his love to her? Or will he remain indifferent and selfish?

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters : 21/23 (might add more)

Chapter list>

Warning : angst, divorce mention, fluff - a lot of sweet fluff 😉

Word count : 10.4k

This is a sequel to my first Sebastian fic Always You. If you want to understand more about Sebastian's and reader's relationship, please read it first. But it's not necessary to understand this story. Check it here.

---

Chapter 21 - Always Be My Baby

We were as one, babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free

So I'm lettin' you fly

'Cause I know in my heart babe

Our love will never die

No..

You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Oh darlin' cause you'll always be my baby

Always Be My Baby - David Cook/Mariah Carey

---

La Venta Dr, Poway, California - June 16th 2023 - 11 am

Ever since that first contact with Sebastian, Y/n felt like her life slowly returned to normal. It didn't feel normal for her not being able to hear his voice or see his face everyday. Like it or not, she felt like he was a permanent fixture in her life. Whatever their status were, he was still going to be a part of her life, one way or another.

Yes, she contemplated on still getting a divorce from him no matter how hurtful it made her feel. It was clear he would never stop being an actor and she was still unsure that she could handle being a celebrity's wife. The events that happened during their honeymoon really left a trauma in her heart, and she knew it would take a while for her to overcome them. So they did what Sebastian suggested, they contacted each other everyday and took things slow.

It was 2 days after their first contact and she was helping her stepmom to bake some cupcakes. Her stepmom used to work at a bakery but had retired since two years ago. They were testing some recipes to bake for Starlene's upcoming birthday.

She had decided to throw a little party for Starlene. It was summer and her brother - who lived and worked in Canada - planned on visiting them just in time for Starlene's birthday. She also decided to invite all of her dad's neighbours and she even invited Shannon, who, as it happened, was filming in LA but promised to come over for a day or two and come to Starlene's birthday. She also invited Sebastian's mother who was ecstatic at her invite. She said she missed Starlene so much and wouldn't miss the party. As for Sebastian, well, he was scheduled to have some days off in the beginning of July and he wanted to come visit during that time. He also made a promise to try his best to come back for Starlene's birthday.

She put some eggs into the big mixing bowl, pushed down the mixer head so the beater was positioned in the bowl and turned the knob to a slow speed. She expected the beater to start moving but it didn't. She checked whether it was connected to the electricity plug and found out that it did. She tried turning the knob again but to no avail. It seemed the mixer was broken.

"Diane.. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened but the mixer won't work." She said, turning to Diane, her stepmom, who was melting some chocolate behind her.

"Oh, here, let me try." She said.

Diane turned the knob of the mixer but the beater still didn't move. She took the beater off and put another one but still the mixer wouldn't turn on.

"Well, another one bites the dust." Diane sighed.

"Oh no. Do you have a spare mixer?" She asked.

"No, this is the last one that I have."

"Oh that's too bad." She said, her face fell.

"I'm sorry Y/n. I hope it's okay that we order the cupcakes for the party from a bakery instead of baking them ourselves."

"Oh of course it's okay, Diane. I just love your cupcakes so much and I wish I could have those for the party. But, it's okay, really. Don't worry about it." She smiled and patted Diane's hand.

That night she told Sebastian about the situation and he was quite sympathetic. She should've seen it coming, however. Sebastian, being the generous soul that he was, bought a new high end mixer for her stepmom. She didn't know how he did it, but the mixer arrived the next day. Diane was so thrilled about it and wouldn't stop complimenting Sebastian.

"Y/n.. he is like the most generous and considerate man I ever know. He's quite a catch. I'm sorry to say this, but I think you should really consider getting back together with him." She said as they tested some cupcake recipes that afternoon.

"I know. But, things aren't that simple." She sighed.

"Well, marriage is never simple. But as long as you love each other, you can get through anything, I truly believe that."

"Even if we want different things?" She asked.

"Yes, despite all the differences, if you truly love each other, you would compromise and find the middle ground. We all have different minds, different needs and wants. Each one of us is unique in our own way. Marriage is about bridging the gap between the differences of two people and learning how to love each other despite it all."

She realized that Diane was right. But she still couldn't shake the trauma off from her mind and for now she was comfortable the way they were. Yes, she missed him, but she loved the normalcy being in Poway brought to her life. She wasn't ready to give that up yet. She knew if she went to Atlanta or New York to be with him things would be different. She would live under a microscope again and she hated that. So for now she was content the way they were.

Apparently, buying her dad a complete entertainment system and her stepmom a high end mixer weren't enough for Sebastian. He still called her dad everyday even though he and Y/n were already on speaking terms. He said her dad reminded him of his own dad. She was so touched by that and so happy that the both of them could be friends.

One day during their daily call, her dad mentioned to Sebastian that he planned on going on a cruise to the Caribbean one day with Diane. He had never gone on a cruise before and was intrigued after watching a program about it on TV. And like clockwork, one day after her dad mentioned that to Sebastian, he gave her dad and Diane an all expenses paid trip to go on a Caribbean cruise in August, surprising all of them.

"Y/n.. he's like a dream son-in-law. I'm so happy that you married him. Just go back to him. He loves you so much. You'll never be able to find someone like him again." her dad said after he found out Sebastian had bought him the Caribbean cruise.

"Oh, dad." She rolled her eyes. Sebastian really knew how to get into people's hearts. His gesture reminded her of what he did early in their relationship. How he bought her everything that she had mentioned and more. Apparently he was using the same strategy but this time he bribed her family instead of her.

His splurging on her family habit continued throughout the week. The day after he bought her dad the Caribbean cruise, he bought him blu-rays of all of Harrison Ford's movies, each one signed by Harrison Ford himself!

"Sebastian, this is amazing! This is.. unbelievable! I can't thank you enough." Her dad gushed into his cellphone during their daily calling session.

"What?! Oh my, really? That's.. yes.. of course I want to talk to him!" Her dad said enthusiastically.

Apparently Sebastian was at a shoot with Harrison Ford and had offered to have Harrison talk to her dad. She smiled and shook her head as she looked at how happy and ecstatic her dad was. Harrison Ford was nice and they all ended up having a video call session with him.

"Seb, thank you for what you've done to my dad and stepmom this week. I really appreciate it." She said during their daily call session.

"Oh my pleasure, honey. You know I love splurging on other people. Especially my own family." He replied.

"I know, and thank you for that."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Which reminds me, I haven't given you or Starlene anything. Is there anything that you want? Either for you or Starlene?" He asked.

"Seb, you don't have to. Really. You know how I feel if you splurge on me."

"Well.. if not for you then for Starlene. What does she need now?" He insisted.

"She just needs her dad." She said wistfully.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'll be there. Sooner or later I'll be there. I promise you that."

"You're still coming next week, right?" She asked.

"Umm.. about that. I'm sorry honey, but I was thinking of postponing to come until July 11th or 12th so I can be at Starlene's birthday. Because the shooting schedule is kind of tight and I hate to be the cause of the delay. I mean, Marvel allowed me to have days off monthly and not every two weeks, if you know what I mean. So I thought I would use the days off for Starlene's birthday."

"Hmm.. okay. That makes sense." She couldn't help but feel disappointed at his answer. She was really looking forward to see him again. Her bed felt cold for much too long without him by her side.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I hope you're okay with it?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course. It's important that you can be here on Starlene's birthday, so as long as you can come for that, it's okay."

"Thank you honey, I promise I'll be there."

"I'm holding you to that promise, Seb."

"Don't worry, I'll be there. In the mean time, I think I know what to give Starlene."

"What?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, it's a surprise." He chuckled.

"Seeb.." she protested but he just laughed in response.

Sebastian's idea for a surprise for Starlene came in the form of a huge Sesame street bouncy castle with slides and life size balloon Elmo inside. Y/n's jaw dropped when the local toy store dropped off the bouncy castle at her dad's front lawn.

"Seb.. are you kidding me?!" She said to him through her cellphone as she watched the toy store staff filled the bouncy castle with air.

"What? You don't like it?" He asked innocently.

"It's not that but it's so huge it covers almost all of the front lawn." She stated.

"Oh I'm sorry, I should have asked how big your dad's front lawn is." He said dejectedly.

"Yeah well. Starlene loves it though." She smiled as she watched Starlene crawled towards the bouncy castle, her eyes huge as saucers as she looked at the huge pictures of Elmo on the side of the castle.

"Aawww.. well that's the most important thing." He responded.

"Yeah it is. Thank you, Seb. But maybe consult with me first next time you want to buy something like this?" She asked.

"Of course, honey. I'm sorry."

Despite being scolded by her for buying Starlene something like the bouncy castle, he kept showering Starlene with gifts everyday. He bought her a three story Barbie house complete with all the furnitures and the Barbie dolls. He bought her 50 toddler books with various themes. He bought her all of Sesame Street characters plush dolls, and huge ones at that. He also bought her many different dresses and clothes. He even bought her a bicycle and a rollerblade.

"Seb, she can't even walk yet and you already bought her a bicycle and a rollerblade?!" She protested during their calling session.

"I know, but one day she will and you won't have to think about buying her a bicycle and rollerblade again." He defended himself.

"Oh Seb." She could only respond.

After almost two weeks of non stop splurging to her family, she started to feel rather jealous. It wasn't like he never splurged on her before. But, considering it was her that he was trying to get back together with, she felt it was rather peculiar that he hadn't given her anything yet. But she decided not to mention it to him because she was rather embarrassed to admit that she expected to get something from him, anything, even if just flowers.

As if he could read her mind, one day after Sebastian's rollerblade for Starlene arrived, a bouquet of flowers and a package came for her. The bouquet was of purple hyacinth. It came with a card that said "Please forgive me." She smiled and felt her heart melted as she read the card. Hyacinth as it happened really symbolized asking for someone's forgiveness. He was really thoughtful when picking the flower for her.

After putting the hyacinth in a vase she opened the package and shook her head in disbelief. He had sent her a book, her favourite book, Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder. He left a note at the front page.

Read the bookmarked page.

So she turned to the bookmarked page and found that he had highlighted a paragraph.

You can never know if a person forgives you when you wrong them. Therefore it is existentially important to you. It is a question you are intensely concerned with. Neither can you know whether a person loves you. It's something you just have to believe or hope. But these things are more important to you than the fact that the sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees. You don't think about the law of cause and effect or about modes of perception when you are in the middle of your first kiss.

She sighed as she read the paragraph. He had left another note at the bookmarked page.

My dearest Y/n,

I'm sorry for all that I have done. I'm sorry for all that I have said. And I'm sorry if I can't be the man you wish for. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and love me again the way you used to. And I hope when you do, you will let me know so I won't have to wonder anymore.

Love,

Your eternal admirer

She smiled as she read the note.

Yes, ever since they started contacting each other again she hadn't yet said that she loved him or missed him yet. She still needed some time until she was ready to say them to him. She needed to be sure if she was ready to come back to him and deal with everything else that came by being with him before she could say them. It seemed he was starting to get bothered by it.

The fact made her feel mischievous. She knew it wasn't right, but she was somewhat happy to make him wonder about her feelings for him. Receiving the message from him made her feel even more mischievous that she decided not to let him know about her feelings for him for as long as she could. She wanted to know how far he would go to win back her love. And for the next nine days she found out exactly how far he would go.

On the second day he sent her a bouquet of white orchids and a note that said he missed her. Along with the bouquet was a poetry book by Mahmoud Darwish and he highlighted the following passage.

How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as mine does.

She couldn't help but shed a tear upon reading the passage. He had no idea but she missed him terribly as well. Unfortunately she wasn't sure yet whether she could express her longing for him just yet. Somehow, she still needed some time. So, she didn't say anything to him except how much she appreciated the flowers and books he had sent her. She did, however, told him that she had forgiven him. But she couldn't yet say that she still loved him so much.

For the next eight days, Sebastian sent her a bouquet of flowers daily. Every single bouquet of flowers that he sent was meaningful, and he made sure she knew that by writing the meaning of them in an attached card. Declarations of friendship, trust, admiration and of course love and longing accompanied bouquets of colorful tulips, roses, carnations and zinnias. With every bouquet that came she felt her broken soul slowly mended and the feeling of emptiness in her heart gradually disappeared.

She would've been satisfied with him just sending her the flowers, but of course he just had to do more. Along with the flowers he kept sending her books and in every single one he highlighted at least one passage to convey his feelings for her. Being the bookworm that she was, this gesture touched her heart and soul in a way that she never experienced before. It became a highlight of her day to receive the books and read the passages that he had highlighted.

Day 3

You might not have been my first love but you are the love that made all other loves seem irrelevant.

- Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey poetry book

Day 4

And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

- Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars

Day 5

In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

You have bewitched me body and soul and I love, love, love you.

- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Day 6

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. I have loved none but you."

- Jane Austen, Persuasion

Day 7

I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body.

- Tahereh Mafi, Unravel Me

Day 8

I want morning and noon and nightfall with you. I want your tears, your smiles, your kisses...the smell of your hair, the taste of your skin, the touch of your breath on my face. I want to see you in the final hour of my life...to lie in your arms as I take my last breath.

- Lisa Kleypas, Again the Magic

Day 9

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

- Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

On the tenth day he pulled out all the stops and sent her the complete works of Shakespeare. He highlighted many passages from the famous playwright's plays and sonnets and asked her to read them in a certain order so that the passages formed a cohesive letter.

The course of true love never did run smooth.

When you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

I love you more than words can wield the matter. Dearer than eyesight, space and liberty.

For where thou art, there is the world itself. And where thou art not, desolation.

I would not wish any companion in the world but you.

Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life.

The moment she finished reading the passages, a tear dropped from her eyes. He truly truly loved her and she truly loved him too. All of the things he had done to her and her family had healed her trauma and she finally felt like she was ready to tell him about it. She was ready to tell him how much she still loved and longed for him.

Unfortunately, something she didn't expect came up and her mind once again took over in an attempt to protect her heart.

It was July 10th when it happened, 3 days before Starlene's birthday. They were on their daily calling session when he broke the bad news to her.

"Sweetheart, I'm really sorry but I think I won't be able to go there in time for Starlene's birthday."

"What?! But why? What happened?" She asked, her heart dropped to her stomach. She really was looking forward to see him again.

"I have to do a re-shoot with Harrison Ford on the 12th and 13th. I already asked for a reschedule but Harrison can't do it on any other dates. I'm really really sorry, sweetheart."

There it was, she was reminded again of one of the reasons why she left him. His f*****g job! Somehow, his job always, always forced him to choose between his family or his job. And every single time he always chose his job.

"Oh, right. Fine. You know, you don't even have to bother coming here, Seb. Just finish the whole five month shoot and don't make promises to come before then. Especially if you can't keep them!" She replied as anger started to consume her.

"Oh honey, don't say that. I miss you and Starlene so much and I don't think I can wait five months before I can see you both again. I promise I'll come over there after the shoot is done. I'll be there on the 15th."

"Seb, stop making promises that you can't keep!" She snapped.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, honey. I really am."

She sighed. Her plans on telling him how she felt went out the window as anger and disappointment overcame her.

"I'll make it up to you, sweetheart, I promise." He pleaded.

"Words are nothing without action, Seb." She said coldly and with that she hung up the phone, leaving him hanging.

He tried calling her back multiple times but she just wouldn't accept it. He needed to know how angry she was at him so she ignored all his calls and messages.

After what seemed like the twentieth time, he finally stopped trying to call her and just sent her a message.

I'm really sorry, sweetheart. You have the right to be angry with me and I accept that. But I hope you'll forgive me by the time I visit. I'll be there on the 15th.

Love,

Your eternal admirer

She sighed as she read the message. She really meant it. Words meant nothing without action. Despite everything that he had given her and her family, despite all the sweet words and beautiful flowers he had sent to her, all of them meant nothing to her if he didn't put his words into action and visit them. So she decided to ignore him and just see whether he really came on the 15th.

Sebastian didn't easily give up on trying to make amends to her. When he said he would make it up to her, he truly meant it.

The morning after he told her the bad news, he sent her a huge bouquet of pink carnations and purple hyacinth along with an apology letter and an envelope containing what she truly didn't expect.

My dearest Y/n,

I'm sorry again for not being able to come for Starlene's birthday. You have no idea how devastated I am about that. I hope eventually you'll understand and forgive me.

As I said before, I want to make it up to you. So, I made some arrangements for you to go on a day trip to San Diego today to have some me-time. You don't have to worry about Starlene. I talked to your dad and stepmom and they would take care of her. You can find the itinerary and the things you will need for the day in the attached envelope. Don't worry about transportation. I've rented a car and a chauffer for you.

I hope you'll have fun. You deserve it so much.

I love you and please enjoy your day.

Love,

Your eternal admirer

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she looked at the itinerary and contents of the envelope.

He had booked for her to have a complete spa treatment at Rancho Valencia that morning, a Forbes 5 star spa and resort located about 15 miles from Poway. Along with the spa treatment, he sent her a three thousand dollars Macy's gift card so she could go on a shopping spree after the spa treatment at Macy's Fashion Valley, one of the biggest shopping malls in San Diego. But the most jaw dropping of them all, he had bought her a ticket to see David Cook's concert at the Music Box, San Diego that night.

David Cook was one of her favourite musicians. She couldn't believe he still remembered and she was mindblown on how he was able to score a ticket for her at the last minute.

As soon as she finished digesting all the mind blowing gifts he had given her, she immediately gave him a call.

"Good morning my love." He greeted her.

"Good morning, Seb." She smiled.

"How are you today?"

"Oh, I'm currently in shock." She said teasingly.

"Oh, why is that?" He asked, feigning innocence.

"You remember the millionaire guy I told you about?" She asked, referring to an imaginary guy who she often referred to whenever Sebastian sent her a gift. It was an inside joke they had going on since before they were married.

He laughed out loud. "Yeah, what about him?"

"He sent me the most amazing gift ever! I really don't know what to do with this guy." She teased.

"Oh, he did? What did he send you?"

"He arranged for me to have the best day ever in San Diego. I mean.. a spa treatment? A shopping spree? A concert of my favourite musician?! He's just unbelievable. You know, you should take a page from his book if you want me back and forgive you." She teased again.

Her words made him laugh even harder.

"Oh honey, he really is unbeatable, huh? I really should try harder to win you back."

"Yeah, you should. I'm this close to saying I love you to him."

"Aaawww.. you love him?"

"Maybe.."

"Well, even if you love him I bet you love me more."

"Oh, what makes you so sure of that?"

"Just a hunch." He teased.

"Well, just so you know, I'm not letting you off the hook this easily." She huffed. "I mean it Sebastian Stan. No amount of gifts, flowers, beautiful words could sway me into your arms unless you put your words into action."

"Ouch. That hurt." He said.

"Well.. that's just the truth." She snickered.

He sighed. "I know. But I bet you'll change your mind tonight."

"Seb.. what are you planning?" She asked curiously.

"It's a surprise, honey. Now why don't you go and get ready. The chauffer will come at 9. And also.. I arranged for someone to accompany you. I don't want you to go alone."

"What?! Who? Who did you ask to go with me?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"Oh you'll see.. she should be there soon." He chuckled.

"Oh, Seb.." She could only say.

---

La Venta Dr, Poway, California - July 11th 2023 - 8.45 am

She was sitting at the dining table feeding Starlene some baby cereal. Her dad sat across from her eating his breakfast while Diane sat next to him, eating her breakfast too. She was ready to go and have the best day ever when all of a sudden she heard the sound of someone knocking at the front door.

"Excuse me." A familiar female voice said from behind the door.

"That must be the chauffer or the companion Sebastian told me about." She said as she stood up and walked towards the front door.

When she opened the door her jaw dropped and she squealed in excitement.

"Shannon! Oh my God! I didn't expect to see you!" She said as she embraced Shannon in a tight hug.

"Seb asked me to accompany you today." Shannon smiled as she released herself from her embrace.

"Oh, I should have known." She chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I was planning on coming tomorrow because I still have a shoot today. But he begged for me to come today so I can accompany you for the whole day. He even talked to my director and begged him to give me the day off. Seb sent my director a nice bottle of wine and a box of cake that my director finally allowed me to go." Shannon chuckled.

"Oh wow. He's really persistent." She laughed.

"He is, especially when it comes to you." Shannon winked.

"Oh Shannon, I've missed you so much!" She reached out and hugged her again with tears in her eyes.

"I've missed you too, Y/n." Shannon said as she rubbed her back.

"Oh Y/n.. are you crying?" Shannon asked as she let her go. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"A little. I just miss you. There's so many things I want to tell you." She replied.

"Well you'll have a whole day to tell me everything." Shannon winked and she smiled.

"Are you ready? We have a full day ahead of us." Shannon continued and reminded her.

"Oh yeah. I'm ready. Just need to finish feeding Starlene for a few minutes. And anyway, the chauffer isn't here yet." She said, glancing behind Shannon's back.

As if on cue, a limousine pulled up right in front of the house.

"Is that the car he rented for us today?" Shannon asked, her jaw dropped.

"Yeah I guess it is. You know how much he loves splurging." She shook head in disbelief. He just had to book a fancy car didn't he? She should have guessed he would pull all of the stop in pampering her today.

After she finished feeding Starlene and Shannon finished eating her breakfast, they got into the limousine.

"Bye Starlene! Bye dad! Bye Diane!" She rolled down the window of the limousine and waved at them who were standing on the front porch, watching her leave.

"Bye dear! Have fun!" Her dad waved back and smiled.

Starlene, who was being held by her dad, stared at her then extended her hands to her. "Mama.. mama.." She cried out and started to cry.

"Oh no." She shook her head.

"It's okay, Starlene! You're safe with grandpa and grandma!" She called out.

"Yes Starlene dear. We're gonna have some fun today! Let's go to the bouncy castle and play with Elmo." Her dad said and he immediately turned around, rocking Starlene in his arms as he tried to soothe her cries.

She took a deep breath. Starlene was never away from her for too long. The longest she was away from her was probably when she had her me-time back in Amsterdam. Her motherly instinct took over and she contemplated on going back and have Starlene come with her.

"Y/n.. I know what you're thinking, but today is your day. You need some me-time. Don't worry about Starlene. Your dad and stepmom can take good care of her." Shannon said as she placed her hand on hers in encouragement.

"I know. It's just.. today is going to be the longest day that she's away from me. And I can't help but worry, you know." She sighed.

"Oh Y/n. She'll be fine! Nothing is gonna happen to her. Trust me. Besides, she's getting bigger, sooner or later she'll be away from you even much longer than today. You have to learn to let her go."

"I know." She took a deep breath and let it go. Shannon was right, she should try to let her go and just enjoy the day.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Are you ready to go?" The chauffer rolled down the black divider that divided the driver's area with the passenger area at the back and turned to them.

"Oh yeah, let's go." She smiled.

The chauffer nodded and the limousine soon moved and drive away, taking them to their first stop, the Rancho Valencia Resort and Spa.

---

Fashion Valley Mall, San Diego - July 11th 2023 - 3 pm

Spending the morning at the Rancho Valencia spa and the afternoon at the Fashion Valley mall proved to be just exactly what she needed. The spa was beautiful, the treatments she received were top notch that she never felt so relaxed and tranquil in her life. She arrived at the spa still feeling worried about Starlene but she left with such a relaxed mind that she almost forgot she had a daughter.

After the treatments at the spa were done they went to Fashion Valley mall to grab some lunch and did a little shopping.

At first she felt kind of anxious to go to a public place like the mall. She was still traumatic with the whole events with Sebastian's fans, so she tried to disguise herself by wearing a hoodie, a cap and sunglasses. However, Fashion Valley was one of the biggest shopping malls in San Diego and with the scandal becoming a household topic across the world for the past couple of months she was bound to be recognized.

Several people turned to look at her when she walked past, but she was glad none of them gave her judging stares, they were just curious about her. Until she met a young woman at Macy's changing room who blatantly gave her a stare. They were queueing to use the changing room and the young woman was queueing to use the changing room next to her.

She looked away after the woman gave her eye contact but whoever were behind the changing rooms took so long to try their clothes that she couldn't help but glance back at the woman.

"Excuse me.. sorry. I.. I don't mean to bother you but.. are you Y/F/N Stan? Sebastian Stan's wife?" The woman finally asked.

"Umm.." she hesitated in answering her.

"Oh, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand. It's just.. if you're her, then I admire you. I saw the clarification interview you did with Sebastian. After everything that Sebastian's fans had done to you, you were still chill about it and you even said you could understand them. I mean. You have so much class and I admire you for that." The woman smiled.

The young woman's words felt like a healing balm on her heart. She never thought anyone would think of her that way, especially after everything that had happened.

"Oh.. that's so nice of you to say that. I.. I appreciate it." She smiled and the woman smiled back.

"So you really are her?" She commented with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You caught me there." She chuckled.

"Well, I'm happy that you're still with Sebastian and that everything was just a misunderstanding. You guys are the perfect couple ever. I wish someday I can find a man that looks at me the way Sebastian looks at you." The woman commented again, surprising her.

Apparently people noticed that about him and she felt her face reddened a little.

"Oh, thank you. Really. I appreciate it." She smiled.

"No problem." The woman said, smiling back at her.

After the encounter with the young woman, she felt somehow more free. So she spent the rest of the time at the mall not worrying too much about the people that noticed her and focused herself on the shopping experience.

With three thousand dollars worth of gift cards in her purse she really had a lot to spend. But being the generous and thoughtful person that she was she ended up not buying much for herself but instead she treated Shannon to some gorgeous dresses, accessories and make up items. She also bought some things for her dad, her stepmom, Starlene, her brother, her mother-in-law and even Sebastian.

It was almost 6 pm when they were finally satisfied with their purchases. They stopped at Fashion Valley food court for some light dinner then off they went to Music Box for what she was sure going to be the highlight of her day. Her feelings turned out to be true and even exceeded her expectations.

---

Music Box, San Diego - July 11th 2023 - 8 pm

The concert was going to start at 9 pm. They arrived at Music Box a little before 8, just in time to see the opening band start.

Sebastian had secured a VIP ticket for them so they had access to a special area at the venue where they could sit and relax with access to the bar. The area was still quite close to the front of the stage so she could still see David and his band clearly. She was glad Sebastian had bought the VIP ticket for them because she didn't think she was strong enough to stand at the festival area after spending the whole afternoon on her feet and shopping. Her legs were aching terribly.

As it happened, Sebastian also secured backstage passes for her so she could meet David Cook himself and take some pictures with him. She was scheduled to meet him after the concert was done. She was nervous yet excited about it. She couldn't believe she got to meet two of her idols in one year. She felt really lucky.

The opening band was a new rock band from Nashville. She wondered if they knew Zac somehow. Come to think of it, it wouldn't surprise her if David also knew Zac because David also lived in Nashville.

She shook her head as the thought entered her mind. She hated that she could somehow thought of Zac. The person who turned her world upside down. She knew it wasn't entirely Zac's fault that she ended up in the mess she was in. But if only she didn't come visit him at his concert, then she wouldn't be in this predicament, being on a break with Sebastian. But then again, their situation was complex. There was Stephanie in the mix as well Sebastian's fans and well.. Sebastian himself who just couldn't seem to understand how important it was to her that he chose her over his job for at least once in his life.

"Y/n.. you okay?" Shannon's voice brought her back from her negative thoughts.

"Oh.. yeah.. I'm okay. I just.. thought of Zac for a bit. You know he lives in Nashville and this band as well as David also lives in Nashville. I just couldn't help but thought of that." She explained.

"Oh okay. Have you heard from him again?" Shannon asked curiously.

"Zac? Oh no. He kept his promise. He never contacted me again. The last time I saw him was the day Seb almost found out that he was in the hotel room with me and Starlene." She replied.

"Oh, that's good. He brings nothing but trouble." Shannon commented.

"I know." She grimaced.

"Y/n.. I'm sorry to ask you this.. you don't have to answer if you don't want to.. but I need to ask this, it's for your own good." Shannon said with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh okay. What is it, Shannon?" She asked, wondering why Shannon suddenly turned serious.

"Do you still have feelings for Zac?"

"What?!" Her heart dropped to her stomach listening to Shannon's question.

"I'm sorry. It's just. It seems to me somehow you still have a soft spot for him. I just wonder.. if you were allowed to choose, would you choose Seb or him?"

"Oh Shannon.. I.. Zac.. he.. well.. My longest relationship ever was with him, and that even included Seb. I mean.. romantic relationship that is. You know he impacted my life greatly."

"I know and I understand. But if you could choose? Who would you choose? This is just me you're talking to. I'm not gonna tell Seb about your answer. I promise. I'm just.. kind of worried about you."

"Oh Shannon. I.. Zac hurt me a lot when he first left. He left me alone in the middle of the night in China town. That's not what a gentleman would do, right? I know Seb would never do that to me."

"So, you still choose Seb?"

"I.."

"Even though he prioritized his acting job over you?"

"Oh Shannon.. I guess.. nobody is perfect. At least he ended up having the guts to propose to me. And he was so sweet to me after the whole thing with Ana blew up. He.. he is still sweet now. Even though I think he still needs a kick in the butt every now and then." She chuckled.

"Well, I'm glad you say that. He's head over heels in love with you and you both need to get back together."

"You think so?"

"Yup."

"If he's head over heels in love with me then why won't he just sacrifice his job and choose me? At least once in his life?" She said sadly.

"He did Y/n. He chose you when you were sick with covid and pregnant with Starlene. Don't you remember?" Shannon smiled.

Shannon was right. He did choose her back then. He chose to break the contract with Ana, his PR girlfriend, resigned from the big agency he was in and chose to cancel his appearance at a fan convention so he could be by her side.

"You're right, Shannon. He did choose me." She said as the realization hit her.

"Yeah, I'm sure if you're in another emergency situation he would choose you again." Shannon commented.

"Well, I'd kill him if he doesn't." She chuckled.

"And you have the right to do that." Shannon laughed.

"Yeah.. it's just. I feel if I'm not in an emergency situation he would choose his job over me. Like what he has done so far. I mean.. he even sacrificed Starlene and won't come to her first birthday." She said bitterly.

"Oh Y/n.. I'm sure he had tried his best to reschedule the shoot to another date. But this is Marvel we're talking about and Harrison Ford. I can see why Seb couldn't get out of it."

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Oh hey, the opening band is done. Let's just focus on the show and forget everything else. I'm sorry if I brought up something so serious." Shannon said, reaching out and placed her hand on top of hers.

"It's okay, Shannon. I know you mean well." She smiled and Shannon smiled back.

Moments later David Cook took the stage. She stood up and clapped along with the others, welcoming him onto the stage. Soon he strummed the first notes from his latest single and she found herself standing up and singing along, the aches on her legs seemed to have vanished.

David performed 14 songs that night, mostly songs from his latest album but also some of his older singles. After he was finished performing the 14th song, he changed his electric guitar to an acoustic guitar and a stool was placed in the middle of the stage. He sat on it and tuned his guitar a little while waiting for his band members to sit behind him as they were preparing to change the setting to an acoustic setting.

"So.. thank you everyone for coming here tonight." He addressed the audience and everyone cheered and clapped including her.

"For our last song we're going to perform something special." He smiled as he looked around the audience and turned his face to look at her general area.

"This next song was requested by a certain millionaire guy whose wife is somewhere in the VIP area." He said as he scanned the faces in the VIP area.

Y/n's jaw dropped to the floor as she heard what David just said. By millionaire guy could he mean Sebastian? She wondered.

David locked eyes with her and recognition was clear in his eyes for a second. He winked at her, making her blush furiously. She hid her face from him with her hand, feeling so embarrassed.

Yes, by millionaire guy he really meant Sebastian. She couldn't believe Sebastian would do something like this. But then again, he was always so all out whenever he gave her a gift. Including this.

"He asked me to tell his wife that no matter what happens, she will always be his baby." David continued saying.

Her heart melted at that and she peered at David from behind her hand, curious if he was still looking at her. And sure enough, David was looking at her. He smiled at her again and she was sure her face was as red as a tomato.

David started to strum his guitar and the first few notes of the song Always Be My Baby - which was originally a Mariah Carey song that David covered during American Idol - came out from the speakers.

We were as one, babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free

So I'm lettin' you fly

'Cause I know in my heart babe

Our love will never die

No..

You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Oh darlin' cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry, no

And I won't beg you to stay

If you're determined to leave girl

I will not stand in your way

But inevitably you'll be back again

'Cause you know in your heart, babe

Our love will never end, no

You'll always be apart of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl

When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oh

(I know that)

You'll be right back, baby

Oh baby believe me it's only a matter of time, time

You'll always be apart of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby..

She couldn't help but shed a tear as she heard David performed the song. It was her favourite song and the lyrics were so timely to her situation. Sebastian really was the most romantic and thoughtful husband ever.

She glanced at Shannon and found her shooting a video of her.

"Shannon.. what are you doing?" She laughed a little as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Seb wants me to report to him." Shannon winked.

She just shook her head, still laughing and smiling, her eyes shimmering with happy tears. When he said he was making it up to her, he really truly meant it, and she was so grateful for that.

---

She thought that was the only surprise he had in store for her that night, but she was wrong

After the concert was done she and Shannon went backstage to meet David. Apparently she got VIP backstage passes so they had some privacy with David and his band members with no other fans around them.

David and his band members were so nice. They chatted and took many pictures together. He also mentioned how Sebastian reached out to him through his Instagram just the other night and begged him for tickets and backstage passes, telling him that his marriage depended on them.

Her face reddened as she heard what David said. She couldn't believe Sebastian went as far as contacting David personally to get her tickets and backstage passes. He even told David about the fact that their marriage had some problems. Even though Sebastian didn't tell David the details, but just a vague explanation, she still felt so embarrassed by that. She made a mental note to talk to Sebastian about that. As much as she loved the surprise he had given her, she wasn't comfortable that Sebastian was telling a complete stranger about their situation. Even if the stranger was her idol.

Before she knew it, it was time for them to leave. It was getting really late and she was sure her dad and stepmom wouldn't appreciate her coming home too late.

"Thank you so much for tonight, David, the show was awesome, I had the best time! And thank you for allowing us to see you." She smiled wide as she shook David's hand.

"Oh it's my pleasure, Y/n. By the way, Sebastian asked me to give you something. Hold on." He said as he turned around and went to his dressing room.

He came back and returned carrying a brown package in his hand.

"There you go. I promise I didn't open it." He winked.

"Oh my, I'm really sorry for this David. Sebastian should just send it to me directly." She said as she received the package, which she suspected seemed to be a book.

"Oh it's no problem Y/n. He said he wanted to give you something to close the night and make it perfect for you. What could be more perfect than me giving it to you." David chuckled.

"Thank you again, David. I really appreciate it." She smiled wide.

"No problem, Y/n." David smiled wide.

She entered the limousine that night still reeling from everything that just happened. It felt like a dream come true for her. She couldn't stop smiling until they arrived at her dad's house.

She arrived a little after 1 am. The chauffer dropped off Shannon at a hotel near downtown Poway so she was alone when she arrived.

Starlene was thankfully already asleep, so was her stepmom. Only her dad was still awake, waiting for her to come home.

"Oh Y/n dear, you're home. How was it?" Her dad asked as she came in through the door.

"It was amazing, dad!" She gushed.

She quickly told him about everything including how she met David backstage. But she was too embarrassed to tell him how Sebastian requested a song to David to play for her, so she omitted that part from her story.

"Well, I'm so glad you had a lot of fun. You should do that more often. I rarely see you smile with a twinkle in your eyes like you are now." Her dad smiled.

"Oh Dad. I guess I really needed some me-time. Maybe I'll do it again someday."

"You should. It's good for your mental health." He stated, giving her a meaningful look.

"Yeah, thanks, Dad. How was Starlene? Was she cranky?" She asked in concern.

"A little. She just cried when she was hungry or tired."

"Okay, that's normal. Was she looking for me?"

"Yeah, she wanted to nurse several times and would snuggle on Diane's or my chest. But we just gave her the bottle and she thankfully accepted without much fuss." He explained.

"Okay, that's good. Thank you so much for taking care of her today, dad." She said as she gave him a hug.

"No problem, dear. Now let's go to sleep. I'm really sleepy." He said as he yawned and stretched his body.

"Okay, good night, dad." She smiled and gave him a peck on his cheek.

"Good night, dear." He smiled.

After cleaning herself up and changing into her sleeping attire, she climbed into bed bringing her cellphone and the package that David had given her earlier.

She wanted to send Sebastian a text message after opening the package. She decided not to call him that night because it was dawn where he was, she suspected he would still be asleep.

Her eyes widened as she opened the package and found a novel inside. He had sent her The Notebook. The famous romance novel that told a story of a couple, Noah and Allie, which had been turned into a movie starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams.

She opened the first page and as usual he had asked her to read the passages he had highlighted. But he also added a little opening greeting.

My dearest Y/n,

You are special.

You are the most beautiful woman in the world.

You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I am still yours, my queen, my timeless beauty.

You are, and always have been, the best thing in my life.

You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side just as I have treasured our life together.

You are the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have. I love you, more than you can ever imagine. I always have, and I always will.

What we have is rare. It's too beautiful to just throw it away.

We're meant to be together. We always have been.

We'll never be over.

I'll never leave you. What we have is forever.

We'll find a way to be together.

I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. And, my darling, you will always be mine.

Her heart swelled in happiness and happy tears pooled in her eyes as she read all of the passages he had highlighted. Receiving this from him really was the perfect way to end the day.

As if on cue, her cellphone buzzed. Sebastian had just sent her a message. He was apparently still awake.

Dearest Y/n,

You are my Allie.

And I want to be your Noah.

She couldn't help it anymore and she finally cried upon reading the message.

She realized then how much Sebastian really loved her. But she couldn't shake the thought that if he really loved her, why wouldn't he sacrifice his job for her and Starlene? Why would he choose his job over attending his own daughter's first birthday party, which will not happen a second time ever.

Her mind and heart went to war with each other as she contemplated on what to do. Her heart considered all of the things he had given to her family, all of the flowers he had sent, all of the beautiful quotes he had conveyed to her, and how he had facilitated the best experience ever for her that day.

Her mind however, reminded her that despite everything, he still wasn't going to show up for his own daughter's birthday party. Isn't that a red flag?

Tears continued falling down her cheek as the conflict continued to rage on inside her.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at her cellphone's screen. Her thumb hovering above the reply button.

After several minutes eventually her mind won and she started to type a response.

Dearest Seb,

Thank you so much for such a wonderful day. I had the best time ever! I really appreciate what you have done for me.

I'm sorry but.. I'm not ready to be your Allie yet. I hope you can understand that.

It took only a second after she sent the message for Sebastian to call her.

"Seb.." she picked up the phone and greeted him, her heart pounding hard in her chest.

"Y/n.. my love.. I love you deeply and I hope you know that." He said.

She realized he was still quoting The Notebook and that made her laugh.

"Oh, Seb. You don't need to quote The Notebook anymore." She chuckled.

"Oh, but I do. My words never seem enough for you. I.. I miss you so much, sweetheart. I love you so much and I.. I can barely function without you. I'm sorry sweetheart. Please.. please come back to me." He pleaded.

"Seb.. " she sighed.

"Please honey.. please.." his voice shook and he started to cry it seemed, she could hear his sobs from the other end.

Her heart ached listening to him crying but she knew she needed to stand her ground. She wanted to know how much he was willing to sacrifice for her before she was ready to come back to him.

"Seb.. I.. I'm sorry. But, like I said. Words meant nothing without action." She said slowly.

Sebastian stayed quiet and didn't respond to what she said. Eventually she could hear him sniffle and he sighed.

"I understand, honey. Like Noah said, you are still my queen, my timeless beauty. You are, and always have been, the best thing in my life. And I love you deeply. Just.. just remember that." He said, his voice shook.

"I know, Seb. Thank you." That was all she could say as she felt her heart screamed internally, begging her to say it back to him but her mind prevented her to do it.

"Good night my love. Sweet dreams." He finally said.

"Good night, Seb. And thank you again." She replied.

She hung up the phone feeling empty inside. If what she had done was right, if what she had done was to protect her heart, then why did it feel so painful and wrong? She thought as she laid down on the bed and started to cry.

Eventually she fell asleep, with a hollow feeling in her chest and the knowledge that she might have lost a part of her soul.

---

La Venta Dr, Poway, California - July 13th 2023 - 3 pm

It was finally the day of Starlene's birthday. Her dad's house was full of people. All of his neighbours had come bringing many children who were running around on the front lawn, playing on the bouncy castle. Everyone whom she had invited had come. Her brother was there, Shannon was there, and her mother-in-law was there too. The only one who wasn't there was Sebastian.

She felt a pang in her heart as she remembered it. Sebastian had been very apologetic. Being the generous soul that he was, he ended up paying for and arranging everything for Starlene's birthday, from the decorations, the food and even the entertainment. She was grateful for that but she still couldn't shake the sadness in her heart that Sebastian wasn't there.

She was on the front lawn with Starlene and her mother-in-law while everyone around them mingled, nibbled on the snacks provided and generally had some good time.

Starlene was standing on the grass as she leaned down and held both of Starlene's hands, helping her to learn walking. Her grandmother, Sebastian's mom, stood several steps in front of them, encouraging Starlene to walk towards her.

"That's it Starlene.. step by step.. you can do it." Sebastian's mother cooed.

Starlene giggled as she took step after step towards her grandmother. Both her hands held on tightly to her. She tried to slowly let her hand go, to see if Starlene was able to make her first step herself. But the moment she let go, Starlene wobbled and fell down onto the grass.

"That's okay, Starlene. Let's try again." She smiled as she saw Starlene's pout.

She helped her to get back on her feet then started to guide her to walk again.

Suddenly Starlene stopped and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Dada.. " she said.

Her heart seemed to stop as she heard her call her dad. She looked up to see what Starlene was looking at and started to laugh.

Someone in an Elmo costume was walking towards their direction. Leave it to Starlene to call Elmo her dad. She thought in amusement.

She knew she didn't book any entertainment in the form of Elmo. So she was sure this was another of Sebastian's surprises.

Elmo walked closer towards her and Starlene let her hands go. Slowly but surely, she took step after step towards Elmo.

"Dada.. dada.." she continued saying as she walked towards whoever was in the Elmo costume.

She shook her head as she whipped out her cellphone and started shooting a video of Starlene. Her first walk and it was towards Elmo. How so memorable. She chuckled.

Elmo stopped walking and knelt on the ground as Starlene came closer to him. He opened his arms wide and Starlene practically ran towards him. Elmo embraced Starlene in his arms and gave her a tight hug.

"Dada.." Starlene said again, releasing herself from Elmo's embrace and placing her hand on his face.

"Oh Starlene my darling little star. I've missed you so much!" Elmo said.

Her heart seemed to stop as she listened to what Elmo just said.

Could it be..

She almost dropped her cellphone when Elmo took off the top part of his costume.

She closed her mouth with her hand, her eyes widened in surprise, as she looked at the man inside the Elmo costume. The man looked back at her, a familiar smile on his face, a twinkle in his beautiful bright blue eyes. The world seemed to stop as she gazed at the eyes of the love of her life and they stared at each other with so much love and longing.

Chapter 22 >

Taglist @sebsgirl71479 @dhoruwolfie

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastianstan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan fluff

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a-fence · 2 years

Text

Sinder Twindler

A/N: Lame title, I know but I can’t think of one. Parts of this were inspired by Tinder Swindler, and Dabin’s behind pics of Summer Tights MV

TW: swearing

You woke up with the sunlight streaming right into your face and you awoke with a jolt, realizing your head is pounding, “Ah shit, that hurts.” You drag your blackout curtains to block the sun as much as you can without leaving the couch. Dabin was out to film a music video and he said they’ll be out to shoot for two days, maybe three days tops. So you grabbed the chance to have a girls’ night. You and your friends went bar hopping, and it was a miracle you even got home in one piece considering the innumerable drinks you all consumed.

You knew your massive hangover was caused by dehydration and it took a lot of effort to peel yourself off of the couch and go to the kitchen to hydrate yourself. You also popped a painkiller to make the headache go away faster. You went back to the couch to look for your phone thinking Dabin must be worried about not hearing from you all night. When you found your phone, you tapped it to check your notifications but it remained dark. You tapped it some more until you realized that your phone is dead and needs to be charged. So you plugged it in while you took a shower.

The notifications came flooding when your phone had enough power to turn itself on. It seemed endless so you hurriedly finished your shower to check.

Dabin: 21 missed calls 15 messages

Scott: 15 missed calls 9 messages

Ian: 17 missed calls

Cline: 14 missed calls 2 messages

Cream: 5 missed calls 1 message.

What the fuck is going on? You were scared to even check the messages but you had to, because what if something wrong happened to the boys? That’s the only reason you’ll have this many notifications, right?

“Y/n, please answer, we got held up and some people tried to steal the equipment we had on us.”

“Ian fought back. His cameras and lenses are everything to him.”

“Dabin joined in on the ruckus cause Ian was outnumbered.”

“Sorry, y/n, I wanted to fight with them but I was scared.”

“Did you contact them already? They don’t look so good. I think they sent pics.”

You were so overwhelmed by all these texts and you still haven’t grasped what was happening. You scroll through the other texts until you find those that contain pictures. Your tears started to fall uncontrollably when you saw how badly beaten Ian and Dabin were, your hangover forgotten altogether. You frantically dialed Dabin to check if he was okay but he wasn’t answering, neither was Ian, and now you’re trying to call Scott. You were pacing your room and if Scott doesn’t answer still, you might just faint.

“Y/n,” Scott answered finally on the fourth ring. “Scott, what the fuck? Are you guys alright? Where are you?” you asked all at once. “We’re fine, for now. We got first aid at the nearest clinic we could find. We had to cut short the shoot. We’re back at the studio resting,” Scott informed you. “Well fuck, you better be. Did you go to the police?” you said a bit angrily but slightly relieved to know they’re fine. “We didn’t bother. Nothing was stolen, thanks to the heroic acts of Ian and Dabin. It just seems more trouble for us to go after the thieves,” Scott said. He sounded drained so you decided to stop nagging him. “Alright, I’m coming over,” you said and hung up the phone.

Already knowing the studio’s passcode, you let yourself in without bothering to ring the bell. You go straight to the lounge and find Dabin and Ian both at the couch lying down, ice packs on their faces. You sat by the floor near Dabin and said, “What the fuck babe? Did you really have to fight the muggers?” “Ian didn’t want the muggers to get away with anything so I had to help.” “Really? You couldn’t just let your equipment go? Like those things mattered over your lives? What if they had guns?” You were furious. Ian couldn’t even look at you. You glared at Scott, Cline, and Cream, “You didn’t even bother to help?” “I was protecting the other stuff the muggers haven’t seen yet,” claimed Cline. “S-same,” Scott said with a quiver. “I wasn’t even there, they just told me to inform you,” Cream said very matter-of-factly.

The tension in the room was palpable. You were still sitting on the floor and Dabin hugged you from behind and said “It’s fine babe, we’re all fine.” “How can you be fine? Look at your face!” you said, still outraged by the turn of events. “It’s just makeup,” Dabin admitted. You turned and looked at him closely, and noticed that the “wounds” underneath the ice pack were smudged and starting to run down his cheek. “It’s a prank?” Ian said cautiously, afraid of how you’ll react. “A FUCKING PRANK?” The boys were suddenly on alert after your outburst, and started running out the door. “Get your asses back here I’m gonna beat you all up for fucking real!”

Thirty minutes later, the boys were back at the studio, and you were just chilling on the sofa the entire time, wondering when they’ll be back. “Did you even chase us?” Cline asked, still panting from running. “I was going to initially, but I remembered I was hungover so I just sat here after you all left. I guess your exhaustion from all that running is enough punishment for pranking me,” you sulked. Dabin sat beside you and pulled you into him, “Babe, I’m sorry I went too far with the prank. I didn’t mean to upset you. It was all my idea and they’re all just accomplices.” You looked at the other boys and they nodded. They all do seem sincerely apologetic, so you decided to forgive them. “Just don’t do it ever again or I swear I’ll beat you all up for real, real,” you pouted. “Promise,” Dabin said and gave you a deep kiss.

“You guys are gross,” Cline said. “Get a fucking room,” Scott added. You just gave the boys the finger and continued making out with Dabin, the boys eventually leaving you to each other.

#DPR #dpr scenarios #dpr imagines #dpr live #dpr live scenarios #dpr live imagines #hong dabin #hong dabin scenarios #hong dabin imagines #khh #i don't know if this is angst to fluff #khh scenarios #khh imagines

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shxllxfx · 3 years

Text

Flirtatious || David “Deacon” Kay

David "Deacon" Kay x Street!Reader, Jim Street x Sister!Reader

Summary: Jim's little sister visits and turns the life of a special Sergeant upside down.

Warnings: English is not my mothertounge. GIF isn’t mine, credit to owner.

A/N: I hope you all like this, let me know what you think. Love you all lots 💋

Words: 2097

Taglist: @browngirldominion

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For Deacon it was a normal day. At least what he could call normal since Annie left him. They tried as good as possible to make everything as easy as they could for the kids and they were as understanding as children could be. He stayed at the house with the kids while Annie went to her sister, who lived just down the street. It was Annie's wish. So in the morning, Deacon got up and ready, made breakfast and got the kids up for school. Annie would pick them up after. That was their routine since almost a year now. Once he got to work everything was as usual and normal as his day at work could be. Until she arrived.

With your travel bag over your shoulder and your favorite hot drink in your hand you slowly left the airport and headed towards the cabs. You missed LA. The burning heat in summer, the beach, and the waves and maybe even your younger brother. But if there was one thing about LA you didn’t miss it was traffic. You sighed when the driver had to stop yet again. "The traffic, huh?" He sighed. "Gonna be the death of me one day." You gave him a soft smile and nodded. "Well I surely didn't miss it." He laughed. Whole heartedly laughed. A big grin grew on your face. He was mid-fifties, no hair on his head but a full grayish beard in his face. "Vacation was that good?" You shook your head slightly as he stopped the car in front of the big compound. "No vacation. Lived out of city for some time but I'm coming back now." You paid him and gave him a soft smile with a quick thank you before leaving the cab and heading towards the entrance.

You knew these people were thorough but having to go through a complete body and back check that was worse than the one on the airport was something you didn’t expect. Another thing you didn’t expect was being escorted to your younger brother by some big muscular looking dude. "Sorry to interrupt Lieutenant, Commander. Street you've got a visitor." The guy stepped aside and gave you a chance to investigate the big room where some people were standing around a big table. "Y/N/N? No way!" Jim sprinted towards you and you opened your arms wide for him to hug you tight. He kissed the side of your head while picking you up slightly. "God I've missed you! You didn’t tell me you were back!" You chuckled when he let you down and gave him a big grin. "Well, surprise?" You shrugged before looking at his colleagues, all staring at the pair of you. "If you are busy now, I can come back later. Just wanted to see my little brother first thing." He rolled his eyes at you but then turned his head to the lieutenant, who gave him a nod. "It's alright. You wanna meet the team?" Now your heartbeat increased a bit. Meeting new people always made you nervous. You gave him a nod and dried your hands from the little film of sweat forming on it.

"So that's Lieutenant Lynch and Commander Hicks, my bosses. Sergeant Daniel Harrelson or Hondo, as we call him. Officers Dominic Luca, Chris Alonso, and Victor Tan. And lastly Sergeant David, or Deacon, Kay." You gave every single one of them a small smile while being introduced. Jim had his hand reassuringly on your back in between your shoulder blades. "It's nice to finally get to know the lot of you. Jim talks about you nonstop. I'm Y/N." The girl in the group, Chris, gave you a comforting smile. "Street talks about you all the time, too. He said you studied medicine?" You looked at Jim and raised an eyebrow. "Street, huh?" He just scoffed. "Yeah, I finished 4 weeks ago, now I'm just waiting to start practicing." Jim removed his hand from your back and gave your shoulder a short squeeze. The other Sergeant, Deacon had his arms crossed before his chest and gave you a soft smile when you locked eyes. "I'm sure you'll get a job soon." His voice made you shiver a bit, like an electroshock. "Thank you." You smiled softly and looked down. You needed to break the eye contact, otherwise you would have melted right away.

It had been some time since you came back and you and Jim had been spending more time together than ever. He had allowed you to stay with him and Luca at the house till you found a place for yourself and till you got a job. Since they were close as a team, they often spend time with each other, so obviously Jim dragged you along. You stepped out of the hospital your application file clutched to your chest as a big smile grew on your face. You tried to control the outburst of happiness that grew in your chest but failed miserably as you let out a little laugh. You had to talk to Jim. You needed to tell him. Since you were a little child and Jimmy and you had been sitting up all night, in the foster care bedroom, talking about your dreams and plans. His had been the police, the swat and your dream had always been working in a hospital. You got into your car an old Toyota you bought and drove to the swat compound. By now they all knew you but that didn’t stop the body and purse check by the entrance. As always, an officer escorted you to your younger brothers’ team. "Y/N" Hondo greeted you and gave you a brief hug. Deacon looked up from the computer he was working at and gave you a big smile. "Street isn't here and I have somewhere to be but I'm sure Deacon will keep you company till Street is back." With that he left and you turned around, your body still bubbling with happiness. You sat down on one of the chairs, not wanting to disturb Deacon who seemed to be working on something but your body was filled with so much energy that you got up right away. Deacon looked at you and stopped what he was doing. "What's got you all excited?" He asked and gave you a warm smile. A smile that could literally melt anyone. "Okay I really wanted to wait until Jim is back but I really need to tell someone." You took two energetic steps towards him, hands shaking from all the happiness. "The hospital I applied with gave me the job." You blurted out, stumbling over your words. Even if Deacon didn’t know the long backstory of you wanting to help people, be there for them at their worst and be there for them to get better, he could feel the importance of your statement. "Congratulations. That's awesome, Y/N." He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you in for a hug, which you happily accepted. "Thank you. I've been working so hard for this; you don’t even know." You whispered and let go of him. You were still shaking and your cheeks started to hurt from smiling so wide. You whipped over your face and as you lowered your hands you took yours in his. They were warm and rough, sending small electroshocks through your whole body. "You are shaking." He stated, applying a little pressure on your palms, trying to calm you. "I'm just so excited and happy about it. It's... I've always dreamt of this." You heard footsteps behind you and when you turned around Jim walked in. You slowly slipped your hands out of his, the warmth leaving you. "Jimmy!" You hugged him tightly and your happiness and excitement started to bubble up again, pushing aside the weird feeling the situation with Deacon gave you. Right now, the only important thing was telling Jim about your day.

You were currently siting on the sofa while Jim and Luca were playing a game. Hondo was leaning against the counter sitting on his beer while talking to Chis and Tan. They were fun to be around and great to talk to. "Got you another one since yours was empty." Deacon handed you another bottle and plopped himself down on the sofa next to you. "Thank you" you grinned while pulling your legs to your chest. Since the situation a couple of days ago you and Deacon haven’t spoken to each other but even right now only hearing his voice felt like pure electricity in your veins. A weird feeling you had never felt. "You are so quiet today, everything okay?" He nudged your side with his elbow and you looked up at him. With a small nod and smile you put the bottle to your lips. "I think..." your little brother slurred, putting an arm over Lucas shoulder who just won again, "I think that we should take a picture. To remember this glorious day and Luca winning against me." A small laughter escaped your lips when you jumped up, always ready to keep memories as a picture. You reached out to Deacon, waiting for him to take your hand while the others already formed to a small bundle. Chris put up her phone with timer and when Deacon grabbed your hand and let you pull him up, Chris pushed the button, only leaving enough time for you and Deacon to stumble into the picture. It was only after the flash went off and the picture was taken that you realized the hand on your hip and the other one still in your hand. While the others fussed about seeing the picture you just stood there for a second before Deacon quickly pulled away both hands, winking at you when he left you all flustered. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol in your veins or the simple fact that the warmth you had from having him next to you was gone, but something inside you screamed for his presence.

It was getting late, Hondo and Chris already left and you were just bringing Tan outside to his cab while Luca, Jim and Deacon were having a conversation about being in the swat. "It was really nice; we have to do that again sometime." Tan laughed while getting in the cab. You gave him a small smile and wave when the cab left. The fresh night air was soft and nice against your skin. The sky was full of stars. You sat down on the bench in the garden, taking a deep breath in, eyes closed. "Here you are" Deacon walked toward you, hands in pockets. He had a small smile playing on his lips. You simply had to smile back. "It’s so pretty out here" You stated, smiling up at the sky. "Yeah it is." He said. When you looked at him, he was looking at you. You felt something warm around your heart. For a brief second you held his eye contact, before looking at your hands. "Well that was cheesy." You muttered and he chuckled quietly. "But true." He was whispering so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him. For a moment everything was quiet. He softly grabbed your hand. "You should go back inside. I just got a cab and Street and Luca are going to sleep soon." You let him pull you up, till you were standing so close you could feel his body heat and you could swear that if you would have breathed just a bit quieter you would have actually been able to hear his heart beat. “Spending time with you guys has really been awesome. I understand why Jim loves you all so much.” With a smile on his lips he hummed. He was still holding your hand in his but you didn’t bother to take it away. It felt good. Familiar. Deacon stopped right in front of the door. With a questioning look you stopped as well, your eyes on him as you waited for an explanation for his stop. With a soft smile he stared back at you. “Maybe we could spend some time together. Just the two of us?” You were confused and raised an eyebrow. “I am asking you to go on a date with me, Y/N. If you want to?” The confused look on your face changed to a soft smile which turned to a grin. The warm feeling in your stomach grew. “Yes, Deacon. Id like that very much.”

#swat imagine #deacon kay #david deacon kay #dominic luca #deacon kay x reader #daniel hondo harrelson #hondo harrelson x reader #dominique luca

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skiesofthesketchy · 4 years

Text

Stood Up {1}

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You have a date with your friend that you’ve liked forever, but he never shows up.

Note: Heyyyyy Please read the warnings before proceeding. This is one of the darker things I’ve ever written, and it might trigger some people so please be careful. I’m usually a fluff writer but I’ve been feeling... ya know, down lately so this is what I made. I’m working on the second part to Unsend still, but haven’t been in the mood lately so sorry it’s taking so long!

Let me know what you think! :)

Word Count: 6.5k

Stood Up: {Part 2} / { Part 3}

WARNINGS: Violence and abuse! sexual violence! trauma! swearing, angst

***

Y/N’s P.O.V.

10:00 PM

I pulled my sweater tighter against me when I felt a small burst of wind, the chill making goosebumps surface on my bare legs. I looked left and right down the black street, but nobody was around. It was quiet, almost silent besides dried leaves scraping against the pavement, and the only light was the orange glow from the street lamps and the red neon sign above my head casting onto the empty street. It was a nice night, even with the cool breeze, but I could feel my nerves kicking in.

I tried to remain optimistic though. Maybe he’s just running late... I pulled out my phone again to see if JJ had texted me back, but he hadn’t.

On my way! See in you 20 :)

I sighed, looking at the last text I sent him. I only sent it hoping to remind him that we had plans tonight in case he forgot. He always forgets.

‘He’s just a forgetful person,’ I tell myself for what feels like the thousandth time. It’s usually that phrase that makes me feel better, or ‘He’s got a lot going on.’ I never make it a big deal when he misses our plans, even though it feels like a small piece of my heart breaks off and dies every time it happens.

‘This time is different though,’ I told myself. It was just yesterday that I mentioned the movie theater was showing a bunch of Quentin Tarantino films this week. I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, just a fun thing me and my friends could all do together, but I was truly very excited about it and really hoped they’d be down.

“Are they showing Kill Bill?” JJ asked with a smile. The other pogues didn’t seem interested but I was happy that JJ was.

“Yeah. Tomorrow night actually,” I shrugged.

“We should go.”

I smiled softly at him. “Sure, if you want to.”

He chuckled, blue eyes lighting up as he poked my cheek. I knew he could see right past my nonchalant demeanor. “That’s your favorite movie ever. Of course I want to go see it with you! My treat.”

I ignored the fluttering in my belly, but couldn’t hide my smile. He remembers my favorite movie and wants to watch it with me. “You don’t have to pay for me,” I shook my head with a laugh. I didn’t expect him to, but the fact that he offered made my chest warm. JJ doesn’t have much money to begin with, and with what he does have, he usually spends on weed and beer, necessities in his daily life.

“No, no,” he tsked, bringing me into a hug. My giddy grin was thankfully hidden in his chest. Being this close to him always makes me feel lighter than air, warmer than the summer breeze. “You’re my girl. Let me take you out,” he finished, chuckling into my hair.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, like I always did when he called me his girl. I nodded in agreement once I pulled away from his embrace. “Ten o’clock tomorrow, okay?”

“I’ll be there,” he replied, saluting me with a wink before turning to join the conversation the rest of the pogues were engaged in, leaving me to internally gush about going on a date with the boy I’ve liked since forever.

Maybe it wasn’t a date, or maybe it was. I didn’t really know, but I didn’t care as long as I got to spend time with JJ. It really did feel like this time was different. My thoughts swirled, wondering if he likes me back. Wanting to take me to a movie makes it sound like he likes me, right?

Date or not, I wanted to look nice, so I spent more time getting ready than I normally did. I experimented with some light makeup, trying to make it subtle but still pretty. I left my hair down after making it look somewhat decent, something I hardly ever do because my go-to is always putting it up. I even picked out a dress to wear but made sure to choose one that JJ had seen me in plenty of times. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard, but still hoped he would notice my appearance and think I looked pretty.

10:10 PM

The movie started ten minutes ago, and still no word from JJ. I glanced down at my shoes and hugged myself tighter. ‘Maybe he did forget... again.’ I didn’t want to believe it, giving JJ the benefit of the doubt like I always did. But he still wasn’t here.

Yo are you coming? I sent another text.

I was really excited about tonight, not just because I’d be seeing one of my favorite movies in the theaters as if it was premiering for the first time. Now I just feel... heavy. Like I’m carrying the weight of the reality I should’ve realized a long time ago. If I was important to him, he would remember our plans.

My frown deepened. That’s what it comes down to, right? If he actually cared about me, he would be here, or at least tell me he’s not going to make it. Constantly forgetting our plans is a huge sign that he doesn’t like me the way I like him, that I don’t matter to him enough to follow through. It’s a sign I’ve been ignoring even though it’s been there the whole time, blaringly obvious and all too painful.

No. JJ does care about me, even if it’s just as a friend. He’ll be here. He told me he would be.

10:20 PM

Spinning around and looking at the movie theater entrance, I thought about going inside and watching the movie anyway, but I suddenly wasn’t up for it anymore. This sick feeling in my gut was all I could think about.

Of course JJ doesn’t like me. Why did I get my hopes up so high when all he’s ever done is not show up? It hurts. It feels like something crawled up inside of me and slashed its claws at my dumb, naive heart. Its terrifying and hoarse voice whispering in my ear, “What did you expect?”

Perhaps this is my fault; letting myself fall for someone that doesn’t feel the same. JJ Maybank: one of my closest friends, the biggest player on the whole damn island, and the most emotionally unavailable boy I’ve ever met. Of course I had to fall for him. I’m a fucking idiot.

I slumped my shoulders, feeling defeated and tired. It’s like I was tossed to the side without a second thought, much like the trash lining the curb. My throat tightened with the emotions threatening to pour out in sobs, but I held them back. It’s not his fault. I’m the one with these stupid feelings, waiting around for him to feel them too, but he doesn’t.

10:30 PM

I checked my phone one last time, still nothing. With a deep sigh, I started walking towards the direction of my house. I focused my attention on my sandals hitting the sidewalk, each step feeling like another crack in my heart.

‘You’re fine,’ I told myself. ‘Don’t cry. You’re fine.’

But I wasn’t, and I felt the stubborn tears brim my eyes. I turned the corner and this street was much darker, the street lights dim and far apart. The sound of someone else’s footsteps pricked my ears, and I kept my head down to hide my frustration and the sadness running down my cheeks. I wanted the footsteps to belong to JJ, finally showing up but just a bit late. I knew better though, and didn’t bother looking up.

“Well, look who it is. A little pougie.” I halted in my tracks, my eyes flicking up to find his cold ones, and I shot him a glare. As if I needed something to make my night even worse. Fucking Rafe.

“Not even gonna say hello?” he asked. I kept my posture stiff and my stare hard, trying to act tough even though I was most certainly in a vulnerable state.

“What are you doing here, Rafe?” Rafe was predictable in the way that he lived to torture me and my friends. That’s the only reason he’d ever be caught dead in The Cut.

He stopped right in front of me, his tall frame dark and intimidating. Even under the blanket of night I could see his eyes were bloodshot and a sickening smirk lined his lips. He ignored my question as his eyes dragged up and down my body, making my stomach twist and skin crawl. “Where’s the rest of your dirty crew?” he spat.

“You’re lucky they’re not here.” I kept my tone steady, but I could feel my hands start to shake and an uneasy feeling settled inside of me. I need to get out of here.

With hands stuffed in his pockets, he leisurely walked around me, eyes still glued to my bare legs. “You look pretty,” he whispered. “Were you on a date?”

“No.”

“Then why are you all dressed up, darlin’?” His gaze met mine again when I spun around to face him, and with the way his features slightly softened, he probably noticed that I had been crying. “Oh. You were stood up, huh?”

Is it that obvious? “No,” I snapped.

He chuckled darkly, stepping even closer to me, and I took a step back. “His loss.” Then he just stood there staring at me while I was lost in a sea of confusion. Is he trying to be nice?

“Well. It’s been not so nice talking to you. I’m going home now.” I turned around to escape this unpleasant conversation, but I was spun back around with the man’s grip on my arm.

“Don’t leave. I’m not done talking to you.” I felt fear creep under my skin as I looked up at his face again, hardly able to make out anything but his eyes. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding.

“Leave me alone.” I tried to snatch my arm out of his grasp, but he pushed me into the brick wall of the building we were in front of.

The sudden movement caused me to stumble and twist my ankle. “Ow! Rafe, what the fuck!” I felt the pain shoot up my leg, but couldn’t focus on it for long. Rafe’s menacing features had panic surging through my veins as he came closer.

I pressed my back into the hard wall trying to separate myself as much as I could from the man towering over me. “You’ve had a rough night. Let me make you feel better,” he said. He stepped into me, his chest pressing against mine as he looked down at me.

“Get the fuck off of me,” I choked out.

His wicked laugh fanned over my face and I felt angry tears fall. “Come on, little poguie. At least I actually want you.” His words seemed to drive a knife into my chest. JJ doesn’t want me, but I don’t have time to think about that right now. I can hardly think of anything right now.

My palms rose to his chest, but he caught my wrists in his hands, keeping me from shoving him off. He laughed again, and the realization that Rafe isn’t sober washed over me like a tidal wave. What have I gotten myself into? “Let me go!” I screamed.

He shut me up by forcing his mouth onto mine. I screamed against his lips but he pressed into me harder. I started thrashing my body under the weight of his, but his hold became tighter. He brutally clutched both of my wrists into one of his large hands while the other came up to slap over my mouth, cutting off my cries.

“Just let it happen, darlin. Enjoy it,” he whispered into my ear. Hot tears ran down my face as I felt his lips on my neck. He sucked harshly on my skin as I squirmed, trying desperately to escape, but I couldn’t. Even if I couldn’t, I would die trying.

His mouth attacked my throat while I struggled between him and the wall. With the adrenaline pumping through my body, I used all of my strength and pushed him as hard as I possibly could. With the few inches I created between us, I picked my leg up and stomped my heel into his foot.

I prepared to bolt with the time I had bought myself, but a second later he was landing a ruthless slap to my face. I registered the burning pain as he pinned me to the wall with his body again. “Oh, now you’re really gonna get it, pogue.” His sudden anger shook me to my core, his sick laugh echoing in my ears like a fire alarm.

His hand landed on my thigh and dragged along my skin, pushing my dress up higher and higher as I felt the screams get caught in my throat. I dug my nails into his arms but he wasn’t bothered. He kissed me again and I took his bottom lip between my teeth, biting down hard until I tasted blood.

He yanked his head back, face twisting in rage. Even with his violating hands still searing into my skin, I brought my knee up into his crotch, and he yelled in pain. I didn’t waste any time and took off running, but I was yanked back by my hair.

“Fucking bitch!” My head throbbed as I crashed to the ground, feeling my elbows scrape the pavement. I was seeing stars as I felt Rafe’s weight drop on top of me, his form straddling me. I threw my fists wildly into his stomach and chest, desperately trying anything to escape him, but I knew my efforts were becoming futile. His ring-clad fist connected with my cheekbone and a sob crawled its way up my throat.

“Stop!” I screamed. His hand suddenly grabbed my throat, cutting off my cries once again. I clawed at his skin to get him to stop, but he only increased the pressure on my esophagus until I couldn’t breathe, and I squeezed my eyes shut. My world was spinning and my terror didn’t let me register the pain anymore, only the horrendous realization of what’s happening to me taking over my thoughts.

After what felt like minutes but was only a few seconds, I felt his breath fan over my face from where he hovered over me. “You’re not fucking worth the trouble.” He released my neck and I felt him get off of me, but I dared not open my eyes. I was too scared of what might happen. It surely became known when I felt a sharp kick to my stomach. I whimpered, then he landed another kick to my side. “Nobody wants you now! Nobody will ever want you! You’re just a dirty little pogue,” he seethed.

“Fucking bitch,” he spat again, and I heard his heavy footsteps as he stormed off, leaving me on the ground in pieces.

11:00 PM

I finally sat up, finding the strength to put myself together again, but was pulled into a coughing fit, my throat burning. I wish I could say I was numb, but I was brutally aware of the torment my body has been through, of the emotional trauma I’d have to live with.

I carefully stood to my feet but folded in half with arms wrapped around my stomach, clutching myself in pain. Everything hurts. I forced myself to straighten, holding back the tears. I felt broken in every way possible, but I willed myself to figure out how to get help.

I picked up my bag that had been tossed to the ground and rummaged through it for my cell phone. With a heavy heart, I called the one person that I needed more than anyone.

But of course, he didn’t answer. More tears were shed, even though it felt like I couldn’t possibly cry anymore. “Answer, goddammit,” I sobbed. I called again. “Please, JJ. Please. I need you.” Again, the call went to voicemail.

I let out a wail of anguish. Even with nasty bruises already forming on my skin, the loud shatter of my heart is what hurt the most. He’s never here. Even when I need him.

I didn’t even want to call anyone else. My ankle, my face, my stomach, my throat. Even though I was shaking in pain, I wanted to wallow in my heartbreak alone, so I slowly started walking again, and limped all the way home.

***

JJ’s P.O.V.

“How was the movie last night?”

I stretched my arms over my head with a yawn, barely registering what John B. asked. “Huh?”

He chuckled and sat next to me on the pullout couch in the living room where I slept. “You got back pretty late last night. I’m guessing you and Y/N had a good time?” Now I’m thinking it’s not just my sleep induced brain that’s making me so confused.

“What do you mean? I wasn’t with Y/N,” I groaned while rubbing my eyes, the sunlight seeping through the windows too bright and annoying.

“What do you mean, dude?” His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes suddenly flashed with anger. “You were supposed to take her to a movie last night.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I grumbled, getting even more annoyed. He doesn’t have a right to be pissed at me, not when I have no idea what he’s even pissed about. It’s too fucking early for this shit.

John B. stood up with a sharp laugh. “I can’t believe you forgot again, man. Seriously?”

I sat up, my anger matching his now. “You wanna tell me what this is about?” He shook his head before looking at me again, baffled.

“Y/N? Kill Bill? You guys had a date planned.”

I glared at him before realization finally hit me. I slapped my hand to my forehead. “Fuck. Was that supposed to be last night?”

He shook his head again. “You’re unbelievable, really.” I sighed. It was an honest mistake. At least I know she’ll forgive me. She always forgives me.

“I’ll fix it. I’m sure she won’t be mad.” John B. rolled his eyes. “And it wasn’t a date, by the way.”

“Yeah? Did you tell her that?”

“Stop talking in riddles, man. What the hell do you mean? Of course she knows.” He hit me on the back of the head, reminding me of my headache, the dreaded hangover starting to take effect. “Hey! What was that for?”

“She likes you, idiot! No idea why, considering you’re just a dick that doesn’t bother to show up to the plans you guys make.”

“Is this why you’re yelling at me? She doesn’t like me, dude. Not like that,” I rolled my eyes. I could punch him for getting on my case over nothing. Y/N doesn’t like me, and missing plans has never been a big deal. I just want to deal with my hangover in peace.

“You don’t deserve her. And she doesn’t deserve your shit,” he said, walking away into the kitchen.

“You’re getting mad over nothing. Fuck off,” I grunted, head in my hands. I need coffee and advil. His yelling is making my headache worse.

He sauntered back into the living room, throwing a bottle of painkillers at me, too forcefully if you ask me. “Just tell me, if you weren’t with Y/N, what did you do last night?”

I smirked, remembering the events that took place. “A hot blonde that I met at the boneyard,” my smirk widened. I expected some sort of congratulations from my best friend like usual, but I was met with a scoff and a water bottle being thrown at me.

“You’re a prick. You know that?”

“And you’re an asshole. What do you want from me?”

“Whatever, dude. Let’s just hope Y/N forgives you this time,” he snapped, walking away and finally leaving me in much needed silence.

“She will!” I yelled after him, hearing his bedroom door slam shut.

I sighed before gulping down the painkillers for my headache. I grabbed my discarded shorts from yesterday on the floor and grabbed my phone out of the pocket. I had forgotten that I put it on Do Not Disturb mode after the hot blonde and I left the party. Girls like it when you give them all of your attention, and aren’t distracted by calls and texts.

I sighed again when I saw the text’s from Y/N.

9:36 PM: On my way! See you in 20 :)

10:10 PM: Yo are you coming?

I sure feel like an asshole now. I hoped that she would’ve watched the movie without me anyway, but considering she called me twice at 11:00, she probably didn’t. I feel even worse now that I can see she waited over an hour for me. I typed out a text to her, but I wasn’t sure how to word this apology.

Hey, sorry I missed out last night. Got held up :)

I opted for keeping it nonchalant, not wanting to make this a big deal. I’ll make sure she knows how sorry I am the next time I see her. I’m not worried though. She’s the only one out of the pouges that doesn’t get mad at me when I do stupid shit, and she always forgives me. This time won’t be any different.

I laid back down with my arm covering my eyes, and I thought about what John B. said. Y/N doesn’t like me. She’d be stupid to like a fuck up like me. No, no, we’re just friends, and have been for years. I laughed at the thought.

John B. was right about one thing, though. I definitely don’t deserve her. She’s way too good for me, especially when I’m not good to her.

***

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I stood in front of the mirror and peered at my naked body in the reflection, tears spilling down my cheeks for what felt like the millionth time.

My eye was swollen and bruised, a cut on my cheek from Rafe’s ring. Large spots of sickly green and deep violet stained my torso. Dark rings around my wrists from his tight grip. A lighter purple ring wrapped around my neck from where Rafe’s hands had cut off my breathing.

My hot tears dripped from my face and landed on my collarbone, bringing my attention to the hickeys littering the side of my neck too. I wanted to vomit. I could take the physical assault, but that’s not all this was. He violated me. Kissed me. Sucked on my neck while his hands traveled under my dress.

Going to the police was a thought that bounced through my mind, but I couldn’t, not yet at least. I was much too unstable. I needed support if I was going to report it, but I still hadn’t told anyone what happened. I spent all of yesterday locked in my room, letting myself wallow in the pain.

JJ had texted me yesterday morning, apologizing for not showing up. A simple text wasn’t enough this time. He texted me again that afternoon.

I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t be mad at me :(

I wasn’t mad. I was heartbroken, and didn’t bother responding to that text either. If he had shown up, I wouldn’t have been assaulted by Rafe. If he was there, we would have been happily watching my favorite movie, eating snacks and probably laughing at the gore displayed on the screen. If he was there, I wouldn’t have been crying in the dark streets alone, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I could have been raped. That I was almost raped.

The other pogues were trying to get a hold of me yesterday too, inviting me to their plans, but I never responded to anyone. I didn’t want to face them, or anyone for that matter. I didn’t even think I wanted to tell them what happened. It was all too much, and I didn’t want to relive it by telling anyone what Rafe had done to me. Not to mention it would add even more ammunition to the war between us and the kooks.

I don’t feel any different today, still just wanting to curl up in bed and be alone for probably forever, but I don’t have that luxury today. My mom had left for work this morning before I even woke up, but she sent me a text asking me to run some errands. When I protested, she gave me the whole lecture on how I only ever spend time with the pogues and never help out. I didn’t have a choice.

With one last glance in the mirror, I wiped the tears off my face and started getting dressed. I had to cover the bruises somehow, but makeup was not going to do the trick. Despite the hot temperature outside, I threw on a large sweatshirt over my sports bra. If I put the hood on, nobody would notice the disgusting marks lining my neck. I found a pair of my mom’s oversized sunglasses and they covered enough of my face to hide the cut on my cheek along with the black eye. I put on shorts and shoes and grabbed my bag before looking in the mirror one last time. Nobody would notice.

***

JJ’s P.O.V.

“Have you guys heard from Y/N?” Pope asked the group. “She hasn’t responded to any of my texts for like two days.” I frowned. At least I wasn’t the only one she was ignoring. I thought that she was probably still mad at me for bailing on our plans, but since she isn’t responding to Pope either, maybe she’s just busy with other things.

“No, I haven’t,” Kie answered. “Pretty weird, right?”

“Yeah, I wonder what’s up.” Pope’s face looked concerned suddenly, and I found my own expression matching his.

“Why don’t you ask JJ here,” John B. said, tone sharp with annoyance. Kie and Pope both whipped their heads towards me, eyebrows raised in question. I just scoffed, turning my attention back to waxing my board.

“What the hell did you do?” Pope asked. His accusing words pissed me off. Who said this was my fault?

“Nothing, okay? I just forgot we had plans, and--” I was cut off by John B.

“No surprise there,” he mumbled under his breath.

Kiara sighed, her disappointed eyes casting down on me. “Seriously, JJ?”

“What? You guys can’t pin the blame on me! I got distracted, it wasn’t my fault.”

John B. scoffed and I wanted to punch him, much like yesterday morning. “Yeah, what was her name again? The distraction, I mean.” I rolled my eyes.

“Come on, dude. Not cool,” Pope added with a shake of his head. With all three of them staring at me in dismay, it felt like my friends were attacking me. It’s also like they knew something I didn’t. Why is everything always my fault?

“Stop turning it into a big deal. I just forgot, okay? I already apologized, so it’s fine.”

“So she forgave you?” JB asked, eyes narrowed like he already knew the answer.

“Well, no...” I let my head drop, looking down at the golden sand with all of our beach gear. “She never responded. But come on, this is Y/N we’re talking about! She never stays mad for long.” The words were meant to get my friends off my back, but I found myself taking comfort in them too. I had never really seen Y/N mad before, but if she actually was mad at me, I hoped she’d let me make it up to her and forgive me. I let myself believe that everything would be fine.

Nobody had anything else to say, only sighing and turning their gazes away from me. I felt the anger sitting in the pit of my stomach, but at least they dropped the subject. I’m more upset that this might actually be my fault. ‘Y/N isn’t the type to get mad easily,’ I reminded myself again. But she’s also not the type to ignore her friends. My mind drifted, wondering if she’s okay.

“Eat up, boys,” Kie said, taking a stack of sandwiches out of the cooler she brought. We all sat down on our towels and started eating, but I couldn’t shake the thought of Y/N from my mind. Maybe I should text her again.

Hey. We’re all at the beach having lunch if you wanna join us. Even if you don’t, that’s ok. Just let me know you got this. We’re all worried about you. I’m worried about you...

I typed it out, but couldn’t bring myself to send it. If she really is ignoring us, I’m sure it’s for a good reason. Maybe it’s best to just give her space. She’ll reach out when she wants to. Whatever the reason, though, I really hope it’s not because of me. She’s the one person I can always count on to be on my side, and I don’t know what I’d do if I was the cause of her distancing from us.

“Oh, no way. It’s Y/N!” Pope interrupted my thoughts. My head turned to see where he was looking, and sure enough, it was my girl, passing through the boardwalk.

Pope was up on his feet and ran to her, calling over his shoulder that he’ll bring her over to us.

***

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Y/N! Hey!” I stopped in my tracks when I heard my name being shouted, and I noticed Pope running up from behind me.

“Oh, hey Pope,” I said, trying to swallow down my nerves. I didn’t plan on running into my friends here. I didn’t need them finding out about what happened the other night, so I put on a half-hearted smile, trying to act normal, trying to act okay.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked with a laugh, pulling me into a bear hug. I held back my wince from where he grabbed my sides, the bruises there shooting pain through my body.

“Oh, ya know,” I gulped. “Just busy with my family.” I was glad that my sunglasses were dark enough so that he couldn’t see my eyes. If he could, he’d know I was lying within seconds. “Sorry I’ve been M.I.A.”

“It’s alright. Come on. We’re having lunch right now.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the beach, and the other pogues sitting together on the beach came into my focus.

My eyes widened. “Uh, no, Pope. Sorry, but I have to go.” He stopped and gave me a weird look. “I... I’m running errands for my mom,” I shrugged, hoping he would let me go so that I don’t have to talk to the others, talk to JJ.

“Just come say hi then. Everyone missed you!” He tugged my hand again, but I didn’t budge from where I planted my feet in the sand.

“No, Pope. Really, I have to get going.” I didn’t have any other excuses up my sleeve, and I could feel my resolve coming undone. He gave me another weird look, probably wondering what the hell is going on with me. I wanted to tell him. I did, really. But I was not ready to talk about it. I didn’t need him or the others seeing what I looked like under this sweatshirt, or the black eye I was sporting under my glasses. I knew it would only cause more problems, more rage, and I couldn’t handle that right now. If anything, I just needed a hug.

“Is everything okay?” I looked down at my feet and sighed, trying to muster up the strength to lie to one of my best friends. When I looked back up to him, he had sent a look towards the pogues, and they all got up and started making their way over.

“Yes, Pope. I’m fine,” I breathed out a laugh, trying to cover up my panic. “I gotta go, now. Really.” I turned around to run away, but I was too late. The pogues had already crossed the beach and were surrounding me.

“Y/N! Hey, we missed you!” Kie smiled, pulling me into a hug. Again, I had to hide my grimace from the pain that engulfed me so that my friends couldn’t see. I knew I couldn’t keep up this act for long, and I felt my heart sinking further into my chest.

“Yeah, I’m glad we ran into you,” John B. smiled with a nod in my direction. His expression was soft and kind, and it strangely made me feel like he understood that I wasn’t all the way okay.

“There’s my girl,” JJ’s voice rang through my ears. He looked relieved, and pulled me into his chest, squeezing me tight. This time, I wasn’t able to hold in the small noise that escaped past my lips. When he pulled away, he looked down at me with concern. “You okay?”

I pushed him away. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I couldn’t put on a half-assed smile this time. He’s the one causing my pain. The one that bailed on me. The one that wasn’t there when I needed him, leaving me alone and in broken pieces on that horrible night.

“Why are you wearing a sweatshirt?” Kie laughed. “It’s like one hundred degrees out here.” I just shrugged my shoulders, even though I was dying under the heavy material and the heat of the sun. I looked over my shoulder down the boardwalk, trying to avoid their worried glances, especially JJ’s. I could feel his eyes burning into me, and I couldn’t bear the weight of it for much longer.

“Yeah, what the hell? It’s burning hot out here,” Pope added, and pulled my hood off my head.

“Pope, don’t,” I said. “I have to go.” I turned away after putting my hood back on and started walking, not even caring that they definitely know something’s wrong now. I just need to get away before I break down.

JJ was the one to catch up to me, leaving the pogues behind us and sharing worried looks. “Y/N, wait.” He grabbed my wrist, and I winced at the contact. “I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for missing our plans. I got held up with a touron, and you know how it is. She was so hot, how could I not go home with her?” he laughed. Looking up at him, I felt my heart shatter all over again. Of course. He wasn’t with me because he was hooking up with some girl. This fucking hurts more than the punch Rafe landed to my face, and I felt anger swell inside of me.

“Come on, you’re not mad at me, are you?” He smiled, bringing his hands up to cradle my face. He was being his charming self like usual, which is precisely the reason I even fell for him in the first place. But his cute dimples and bright eyes aren’t going to fix anything this time. If anything, they’re just another stab to my chest.

He could sense I wasn’t giving into him. “I’ll make it up to you. Promise,” he pouted. My lips parted to speak, but no words tumbled out. He suddenly ripped my sunglasses from my face.

“JJ, don’t!” His face dropped at the sight of my bruised eye. The glasses fell to the sand when he stepped closer to me, eyes scanning my face. I pushed him back, but he swatted my hands away.

“Y/N?” His features quickly turned from worried to angry. “What the fuck happened?” I felt tears pricking my eyes, but I held them back as I tried to push him away again. He yanked my hood off my head and I knew he was piecing it all together now.

He reached for the bottom of my sweatshirt, and my hands grabbed at his to try and stop him. “Leave me alone,” I yelled, but he didn’t. Despite my attempts to stop him, he had grabbed the bottom of my sweatshirt and started pulling it up over my head. “JJ, stop!” I yelled again, but I couldn’t fight him back anymore because it hurt too much. He had taken it all the way off, leaving me just in my sports bra, my beaten body on full display.

A series of gasps surrounded me as the other pogues gathered around us again, shocked and bewildered expressions on their faces. I watched JJ scan my body. His eyes lingered on the bruises on my belly before flicking to my face again, and then my neck. With the way his eyebrows furrowed and he clenched his jaw, I could tell he was examining the hickeys on my skin. Tears ran freely down my cheeks, and the silence was deafening.

“Oh, Y/N...” Kie whispered, eyes becoming glossy.

“What the fuck happened?!” JJ burst. His face was twisted in rage as his hands reached for me. I stepped away, but he grabbed my arms. “Who the fuck did this to you?!” I shook my head, trying to swallow the sob that was making its way up my throat. “Y/N, who the fuck was it?!”

“JJ! Lay off!” John B. spoke up. Kie had wrapped her arms around me, wanting to shield me from our angry friend. They could tell JJ wasn’t helping.

John B. and Pope pulled at JJ’s arms to get him to step back, but he exploded even more. “YN! Tell me who did this to you!” Seeing his reddened face and furious eyes made my own burning anger swim to the surface.

“Stop yelling at her!” Pope told JJ, him and JB still holding the blonde away from me.

“No! I swear to god I’m going to kill ‘em. What the FUCK happened??”

“It wouldn’t have happened if you had bothered to SHOW UP!” I flared, my voice slicing through the chaos among the group. My heated gaze met JJ’s, and his entire face fell at my words, the rage washing away from his pools of blue and replaced with sadness.

Everything seemed to still at my outburst, even my tears. I watched as JJ crumbled beneath the weight of my words. As angry and heartbroken and hurt as I was, I wanted to see him this way. I wanted him to feel guilty.

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t show up. I should've known you wouldn’t answer when I called you for help. Because you never do.” With every word I spat, I could see the effect they had on him. I kept my ruthless stare fixed on him. “Congrats on fucking some touron, though.”

Everyone stayed silent as I picked up my sweatshirt and sunglasses from the sand. I glanced at JJ one last time before putting my glasses back on and turning around, leaving everyone behind me without another word.

***

Read: Stood Up - Part 2

Masterlist

***

#outer banks #outer banks fic #obx #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #angst #jj maybank fic #jj x reader #rudy pankow #skiesofthesketchy #bricksatans #stood up

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haikyuuuuuhypeeeee · 3 years

Text

Ch. Thirteen

⚠WARNING: Emotional hurt, mention of previous character's death

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Your nose is running and your breath hitches as you weave through other strangers on the sidewalk. A few glance at you, a college-student nearly sobbing on her walk. But to your relief no one stops to talk to you.

It’s almost what you want. You’re desperate to get back to your apartment, lock the door and burrow into your sheets to fully process the events from tonight alone.

Oikawa selfishly spilling your secret, the deepest secret you hold, in a fit of childish rage. And yes, your argument with him didn’t help but you didn’t think he’d stoop that low.

Your phone has been ringing nonstop since you’ve left but you haven’t bothered to pull it out to check the messages or voicemails. You know it’s Oikawa who’s bombarding you with calls and voicemails. And it’s Makki and Mattsun who are sending the texts.

But you don’t want to talk to them.

You acquiesce as you wait for a stoplight to change so you can continue your sad, pathetic walk home. You glance over your shoulder, paranoid that your friends are coming after you to talk. In between the glances you grab your phone and open it up.

You ignore the incoming call from Oikawa and unlock your phone. You see notifications coming into your message app and tap it open. You briefly watch the ever growing number coming from Oikawa’s chat with you before you open the texts from Makki and Mattsun.

You slip your phone back in your pocket without replying. You just want to be alone.

Well, not really. The only person you can imagine talking to about this right now is dead. And that fact kills you.

You can’t tell him how embarrassed you are that Makki and Mattsun know your pathetic secret. You figured that they suspected something was happening between you two in high school because you had such a different relationship with Hajime compared to the others. You’d harbored the idea of finally confessing and actually being with Hajime but you’d shelved it until you were ready.

But then he died. He was taken from you way too soon, and now you’re left with your confusing mess of emotions and thoughts and what if’s.

Having to live with these feelings is unbearable. Having your friends know that you live with these feelings, and the circumstances surrounding them, is even worse.

Fresh tears fill your eyes and you wipe them away.

You round the corner and see your apartment building in sight. You reach into your pocket to get your keys so you’re ready to get inside and lock behind your door.

Except you don’t find your keys in your pocket. Not the right one, not the left. Not in your bag, not in your pockets even after checking - you don’t have your keys.

You let out a whine. Fuck, you do not need this right now.

You think for a second, retracing your steps and trying to remember where you went today. You can cancel a few spots but there are others that could be where your keys are.

You pull out your phone to send a message, starting easy.

The short feeling of victory you felt at finding your keys is erased when you realize you have to walk to Osamu’s apartment. It isn’t far…but you’ve had a long day.

A long day, long week, long couple of months. A long time stuck in this hell of constantly bickering with Oikawa, studying and working your ass off in your classes, navigating life without your best friend.

Is this your life now? Is waking up every day, crying, dragging yourself out of bed to be a civilized member of society, coming back home to cry and then sleep - is that your destiny?

The harrowing thought settles around your shoulders and you feel yourself sink further into the black tar pit you’ve been trapped in for months.

Osamu’s apartment looms above you, and the idea of putting on a friendly mask, even for someone who you want to be friendly with, exhausts you. Hopefully you can get your keys and leave.

You need to be alone, you are alone. Your friends are worrying about you, concerned for you. You are a burden. For all you know your friendship with Oikawa is shattered. You don’t deserve his friendship.

The dark thoughts pick up speed, spinning around and around and around. You feel yourself getting lost in them.

Hajime would know how to help. He would always bring you into the light. He is your light.

Standing in front of Osamu’s door (how did I get here?) you use an embarrassing amount of energy to lift your hand and knock. It doesn’t take long for Osamu to open the door. His calm look is quickly replaced with genuine concern.

Fuck, now he’s worried about you.

“Sorry, I’ll just get my keys.” Your voice warbles, much to your humiliation and shame.

Osamu holds open the door wordlessly and you walk back into the apartment. You spot your keys on the counter. You walk in front of them and stop.

They’re your keys - the black heart keychain is heavy and “able to do serious damage,” as Hajime once said. He got it for you, back in the summer after high school.

He was always creative with the gifts he gave you. Even with something as small as a keychain you knew he put in time and effort and love into them.

If there was one person who you could depend on, it was Hajime.

Tears well in your eyes. You don’t ever seem to be in short supply of them.

Is this my life? You wonder. Am I ever going to feel normal again? Am I ever going to be okay?

You tell yourself to lift your arm, grab your keys, and leave. Leave Osamu alone, don’t burden him with your mess of feelings and your thoughts.

“Y/N?” Through the screaming swirl of thoughts in your head you hear Osamu call your name, and through the watery film in your eyes you see Osamu looking at you.

Leave, you have to leave now.

“I should-” you croak out. You can’t finish your sentence, you don’t know how to finish your sentence. Your brain is malfunctioning, error codes flashing like a broken computer.

Processing error, malfunctioning error, human error.

Error, error, broken, broken.

Only Hajime could fix you.

And he’s dead.

You stare at Osamu, and burst into tears.

Like a damn bursting, the sobs fall from your mouth, unrelenting. You curl into yourself, trying to ebb the flow. It’s pointless, as you are broken. You cannot be fixed.

It hurts, it hurts so much.

Harsh cries rattle your body, rip through your throat and spill out into the serenity of Osamu’s apartment.

Hajime, I miss you.

The ache in your heart flares white hot. It burns and hurts and just adds to your growing pile of misery.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re embarrassed that you’re having this intense emotional release in Osamu’s apartment - it's not the first time you’ve cried like this but it is the first time doing it in front of a friend. But you can’t gather yourself to apologize or try to escape. You’re stuck, standing in the apartment crying.

A hand comes to rest on your back. Your turn, finding Osamu standing next to you. He rubs his hand on your back in a soothing, comforting motion. His eyes are full of concern but also something akin to reassurance.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs gently. His hand is rubbing up and down, and you feel subdued by the unseen motion. You feel your aching pain diminish with every stroke down your back, but the tears are relentless.

There must be something wrong with you that you can’t even be comforted properly. If the tears won’t stop when someone says “it’s okay” what does that say about you?

Broken, broken.

You turn into Osamu, seeking comfort that is wasted on you. Your head finds relief on his shoulder. You feel him guiding you to the couch and gently sitting you down. Your hands stay clutched in his shirt and you sob into his shoulder. Once sitting you feel the hand on your back drift to your shoulders, while his hand gently guides your head to the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright,” he says softly. “‘M here, it’s okay.”

His gentleness just makes you cry harder and you can’t help but lean further into him. He lets you sit against him, crying through the piercing pain stabbing at your heart, howling against the constant misery in your soul. He lets you come undone and offers you words of comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

“‘M here,” Osamu murmurs into your ear. “It’s okay.”

It’s such a loaded phrase - it’s okay. Everyone and their grandmother tried telling you that when Hajime died. It’s okay. You wanted to ask ‘what’s okay? NOTHING about this is okay.’

Your face scrunches up as you cry, knowing you are so far from okay that it would take a miracle to get back.

“It’s okay Y/N, it’s alright.”

It’s funny, hearing this reassurance from Osamu. Because he knows, more than the average person, how not okay everything is. For him and for you. And yet, it seems to be his go-to phrase right now.

“It’s okay.”

He’s not telling you “it’s okay so you should feel better.” His reminder allows you to grieve, to feel how not okay everything is. And feeling that pain is okay.

So you cry and cry, leaning on Osamu as you fall apart.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: Congratulations, you've made it through one of the heaviest chapters in the entire story. :( Y/N is going through extraordinary times right now, the cumulation of the past weeks' events finally catching up. I hope if anyone reading this is going through any similar situations you can find someone like Osamu to help you through them. 💖

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

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soliverse · 3 years

Text

don’t call me - k.dy

(sequel to call me a fool. you can read this by itself, but some references would make more sense if you read the first part.)

reader x bestfriend!doyoung

genre: so much angst, slight fluff

warnings: none

word count: 3.85k

synopsis: Doyoung missed an important milestone in your life. Now, it’s your turn to miss his calls.

prompt:

Ghost Of You by 5 Seconds of Summer, part of the Heartbreak Hotel collab by @nct-writers

dedication to:

@hunjins for leaving witty comments during beta reading

@johnyusangel for being my guardian angel during beta and when I was dying over a migraine + Qian Kun

@hxneyy-latte for nursing me back to health lol

taglist: @kunrengui (sorry this took a while 😔), @leolo404 @byeolhyesisi @thesongofdragons

networks: @nctcreations @kdiarynet @kpopscape @kwritersworld @culture-cafe @neowritingsnet @neoswitchnet @czennienet @nct-writers

Every day, your routine starts with staring at your phone for a few hours before getting out of bed. You'd check in all of your messaging apps to see if any of them came from Doyoung. Sadly, there's none of it this morning.

You would drag your mopey ass out of bed and start the day with dread, questioning why he hasn’t replied to your last text. Then, as you brush your teeth, you would check once again to see if you missed anything while you are preoccupied with oral hygiene.

The inbox notifications would still say zero. And then you'd wait… and wait… and wait some more hours, even days before he replies back.

Every time Doyoung refuses to reply to your messages soon, you get this sudden urge to bang your head into a wall, cursing yourself for texting him in the first place. You will then start to question your life choices, why you even texted him in the first place when you knew this is bound to happen. And that you probably sounded too clingy, too cheesy for his liking. Your thoughts filled as to why he refused to reply as soon as he could.

You sighed and placed your phone back into your pocket and proceeded to go on with your day. The academy is about to open and you have practice for your upcoming recital the following day.

You kept your phone around your vicinity even as you practiced. It's a good thing that your vocal mentor isn't here to point out your mistakes, but you're trying to hit every note as clean as you can. A feat that is impossible to do when you're completely distracted by something.

Doyoung: Hey.

That one word is enough to wash all of the worries that you had earlier. You once again attempted to bang your head into the wall, now cursing yourself for changing your emotions so quickly.

You kept your phone back at your table, practicing for a few more minutes before answering the text. This time, you sang with a smile on your lips, the burden of your worries suddenly lifted with a single word.

But that's just how it always is with you and your best friend.

Now, if you can only tell him how you feel.

///

You bowed at everyone for doing a great job at practice. You happily fished out your phone from your pocket to reply to Doyoung's earlier text.

You: Are you free this Saturday?

You placed your phone down for a moment to fix your stuff, but a ding! interrupted you midway and you just couldn’t help but look at his reply.

Doyoung: Not at all. Need help with something?

Your smile grew wider and you texted the details of your recital for Saturday. You've worked on the piece so hard that you wanted to share your success with him, just like he would share his with you.

The rest of the day went smoothly. It was full of wishful thinking and daydreams. And if it goes well, it might be the day that you tell him about how you really feel about him.

///

It was the day of the recital and your hands were shaking out of nervousness. Your grip on the mic was getting tighter, if not sweatier, as you heard the crowds forming outside to see you and your classmates perform.

The soundcheck commenced and they started calling all the participants by their name as they came on stage. You heard nothing besides your own heartbeat and your loud thoughts whenever you overthink. But you reassured yourself that you will do a good job.

You had to. Someone was watching and you wanted to make him proud.

Fiddling on your seat, you waited for a few numbers before it was your turn. You nervously walked out the stage, and you were blinded by the lights coming from the back of the theater. It was probably for the good.

You couldn’t see anyone’s faces.

You couldn’t see his face.

Because if you could, you would’ve choked on your words and hit the notes wrong once again. Thankfully, the performance went better than you expected.

As soon as everyone came together for the curtain call, your eyes wandered to see Doyoung among the crowds. You scanned left and right, but there were no signs of him everywhere in the theater.

You consoled yourself with the fact that he probably went to the bathroom, or he was already backstage waiting for you. He couldn’t possibly miss this day, right?

The first thing that you did after coming down the stage was to have a closer look at the seats, just to make sure that he really was there in the crowd. Everyone else had their families with them, their friends, their lovers.

But there were no signs of Doyoung in the crowd.

You tried hard to smile as everyone who passed by you congratulated you for doing a great job. But once again, you were distracted. Your mind was occupied with thoughts that you never expected to have that day.

Did he really forget about you?

Giving up completely, you made your way back backstage and hid your impending tears to everyone. On your way, you saw Johnny, waving a small bouquet of flowers to get your attention. This sparked a tiny bit of hope in you. If Johnny was around, then Doyoung must have been here somewhere, too.

You ran towards Johnny and gave him the tightest bear hug. You were worried that no one really watched you perform today. Your family lives abroad and they couldn’t make it to watch you, but you promised them that you will send them a video of you singing. You were really counting on Doyoung not only to watch you perform, but to film your performance as well.

He must have been here somewhere.

“Thank God you came. I thought nobody saw me perform earlier,” you were once again on the verge of crying, but you didn’t have the heart to ask Johnny if Doyoung was indeed with him.

“Doyoung couldn’t make it today. He had to go out with the whole crew of his drama to celebrate their last day together. I came as soon as I heard about your performance.”

You fell quiet, breathing deep to hide your tears and your disappointment. But Johnny knew how you felt, so he pulled you tighter against him, completely encasing you completely on his embrace. “Don’t feel sad. You did so well today.”

///

Ever since then, you stopped taking calls from Doyoung. He would persistently call and text you every night to say sorry. Any other day, you would’ve been glad to see that finally, he’s the one that’s trying so hard to reach you. Sadly, you’re in no mood to talk to him.

You thought it would’ve been cruel if you blocked his number from your phone, so you instead tried to text him excuses why you couldn’t talk.

You were tired. You went out with a friend. You just wanted to take some rest.

After hitting send, you tossed your phone in your bed, still feeling upset about him missing such an important day to you. You felt set aside like you’re the last person on his priority list.

That day made you realize that you’re spending way too much energy on someone that doesn’t return the favor. It was an unhealthy behavior that you need to get out of your system as soon as possible, even if that means cutting Doyoung from your life temporarily.

///

Doyoung was surprised to see you at the front door of the 127 dorm one day. You tried smiling at him as he opened the door to let you in, pretending that you were not upset with him in the previous days.

“Surprised you’re not busy today,” you remarked as you sat down, clearly aiming at Doyoung who was now feeling lost at your coldness towards him.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“Not at all,” you tried your best to avoid his gaze because one look at your face would definitely give everything away. You didn’t want to lie to him, but it was better than saying that you were mad because you had feelings for him.

“Anyways, where’s Johnny? He invited me to watch a movie this afternoon.”

“Didn’t you tell me that you had practice today? That’s why you couldn’t meet me?”

You sneered internally.

“Yeah. Sometimes people say one thing and then they actually mean another thing. You of all people should know.”

You saw Johnny coming out of his room, fully dressed and ready for your movie night together. You waved one last goodbye at Doyoung, who just realized that you were roasting him the whole time.

///

The passive-aggressiveness went on for a few more occasions. You refused his attempts to talk to you, knowing full well that your cold facade would wear off instantly once you let him. You wanted to talk to him so bad, but your pride was preventing you from making any rash decisions. You couldn’t just go back to living your life as Doyoung’s doormat. But, as per Johnny’s advice, you got to explain to him why you were feeling that way. He at least deserved that much.

That explanation came sooner than you had expected.

You were spending a lot of time with Johnny lately, but only because he treats you like a little sister. He must’ve missed his own sister back at home, so he was making sure to take care of you as much as he could.

But Doyoung didn’t have to know that.

You had noticed the tension between the two of them whenever you would visit their dormitory. Johnny was just a bit irked at Doyoung because you were hurting, but he understood it from his perspective. He never knew how you felt in the first place, he wouldn’t have known how much he hurt you in the process.

What goes on in Doyoung’s brain though, you have no idea. He usually just stays away from the both of you whenever you’ve come to visit them, maybe throw in a couple of pleasantries before asking you to hang out with him once again. You kept on telling him that you will once you’re not busy with the academy, and then proceeds to forget about it on that same day.

One day, he’s finally had enough and decided to block the door when you were about to leave the dorm room.

"There's nothing to talk about Doyoung."

You tried to step out once again, but he didn't even budge from his place.

"Can you just tell me what I did? I already said sorry about not attending your recital. What else do you want me to do?"

You lowered your head and tried to leave again, determined not to answer his questions. But he's just as stubborn as you are, this time pushing you slightly, just enough to make you step back.

Your fists formed into a ball and your lips pursed in annoyance. Why does he care about you so much now that you're staying away from him?

"Let me leave, Doyoung. Johnny is waiting for me," you said as calmly as you could.

"Is that it? You're replacing me with Johnny? Just because of that one mistake? What kind of friendship is that?" Doyoung's voice went up a few notches, now looking as visibly upset as you are.

"I can't be your friend anymore, Doyoung," silence filled the room as soon as you said that statement. You both stare at each other awkwardly, both of you are still in a state of shock.

"I don't think this is the perfect time to tell you this, but you have to know eventually," grasping the straps of your handbag, you braced yourself for what you were about to say.

"I have feelings for you Doyoung. That's why I was so hurt that you didn't attend the recital," you paused for a bit, biting your lower lip to hold yourself back from tearing up.

"It made me realize that my life, everything about me, revolves around you. I would literally drop everything when you say you need me. And yet, I'm so far away from your priority list that you can't even sit down for a few minutes to watch me perform," you felt a bit of moisture from your cheeks. Tears were already falling from your face without you even realizing it.

You wiped your tears away with your sleeves and you held yourself back from sobbing to proceed to talk.

"But it's not your fault. I was the one at fault for lending you my time, and I was the one at fault for setting high expectations for someone who just treats me as a friend," you smiled weakly as you walked towards him one last time.

"So for now, I can't be your friend anymore. Not until I sort my feelings out and make things more awkward for us. Give me time for myself, Doyoung. I'll try to be a better friend soon."

You smiled as you lowered your head once again, your shoulders brushing over when you left the room. You didn't try to look back and walked as fast as possible, holding yourself together just before you reached the exit.

You ran out of their apartment building and as soon as you found a place where you can hide, you finally let yourself go. You sat there balling your eyes out and looked around for signs of your best friend. When you realized that he didn't even make an effort to comfort or follow you, your sobs got even louder as you sat down on the pavement to hug your knees.

"Go on... Let it out."

Someone sat down with you and started patting your back to comfort you. You raised your head and cleared the hair strands that stuck to your face to see who it is. It was Johnny.

"I saw everything that happened. I'm happy that you finally told him."

He rubbed your shoulders to calm you down once again, offering you his handkerchief so you could wipe your tears out. Once you finally managed to stop crying, he stood up from his seat and placed his hands on the pockets of his hoodie.

"If you need to cry all day, I'll be here."

///

Doyoung proved that your presence left a big mark that he never realized before. He thought he was just confused at first, or that he was just getting used to not being able to contact you whenever he could.

Just that evening, he was having a hard time memorizing the new choreography for their comeback. He kept on messing up one of the killing parts and everyone was frustrated that they couldn't move on to the other parts of the choreography. He felt sorry for everyone, so he left practice early to work on it himself without burdening the other members. His first instinct was the grab his phone and listen to your soothing voice, telling him to cheer up and that he will do better tomorrow.

But as soon as he was about to hit the dial button, it pained him to press the back button instead, stuffing the phone into his sweatpants and he wiped the sweat off of him.

He felt very heaviness, even more, when he was changing, basically ripping the door of his locker as he took its contents to rid himself of the uncomfortable feeling of sweat. He was both mad and upset at the same time, almost ripping a part of his shirt when he was about to put it on.

He hasn't felt like this in a very long time and he needed a way to get things off of his chest. But without you to do it, it was practically impossible.

He grabbed his matching hat and jacket, stuffing his dirty clothes on his backpack and he made his way out of the building.

He made sure that no one saw him in that state, especially Haechan, who gave him so much shit when everybody found out about your confession.

"Everyone knew, you dumbass."

He just wished somebody would've told him sooner, but he knew it wasn't their place to tell him about it. He felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

His heavy footsteps dragged him to the ramen shop that you used to go to together. He stopped coming here when he lost contact with you, and instead of making him feel better, it made him even more upset upon the reminder of how he fucked up. But he needed a way to make himself feel better. Ramen worked back then. Maybe it would work right now.

He made the choice to not sit down at your usual spot, the one closest to the kitchen so you would get your meals as soon as you could. He instead opted for one of the corners. It felt awkward, but he was there to eat, not enjoy the ambiance. He ordered a bowl to himself, something that he wasn't used to seeing on the table. The bowl of ramen looked so empty on the table by itself, and so he ordered a lot of side dishes with a few bottles of soju to comfort himself.

To his surprise, he was served by the same auntie that used to tease you and him before when the two of you used to go to this place. He hoped that she wouldn't recognize and ask for your whereabouts, but he was very unlucky that day.

"Oh. It's been a while since I saw you! How are you?"

Doyoung just bowed to the auntie and told him that he was fine and that he missed eating there for the longest time.

"I'm glad that I finally get to see you! You missed your friend though, she just left earlier."

He was put to a halt. Something about you being mentioned sparked something in him. Although, he wasn't able to pinpoint what that feeling was at that time.

"I think she was showing the place to another friend of yours. The big guy ate a lot, so we're worried for a bit that we’re about to close early for today."

Doyoung felt his heart sink, but he still bowed and thanked the auntie for the meal.

He stared at the contents of his table for a while, but you would always remind him that the soup tasted better when it's still hot. For some reason though, the bowl of ramen wasn't as tasty as it used to be. He used to finish bowls of that same ramen before, but he couldn't even manage to finish one. He knew better than to waste food though, so he forced himself to eat the rest of it and jumped out of there as soon as he could.

The ramen certainly didn't make him feel better.

///

It's been weeks and the first thing that Doyoung did after waking up was to open his phone for messages. There were a few of them, most of it coming from the other members, but he wasn't interested in reading in any of them.

Getting out of bed seemed harder than usual. He felt a few pounds heavier, which meant he either gained weight or he just lost the will to get up from his bed.

He tried not to stare at his phone as he brushed his teeth, so he kept them hidden in his pocket and used all of his wills to not check on it every hour.

He noticed that there was a bit of commotion coming from outside. He paid no attention and went back to his usual morning routine, getting ready for a separate schedule that he had that morning. He went to his room to get dressed and pack the things that he may need that day. Once everything was done, he went to the kitchen to tell everyone that he was going, but he was met with something else instead.

The rest of the boys were gathered up around the table, enjoying breakfast that he assumed that you made. You just stood there happily as you served everyone pieces of the omelet that you made. You turned around in his direction and he was met with that smile that he missed so much.

"Doie, would you like some?"

The nickname made him flinch. It was something that you never used on him before, but it was enough to make him look away and step out of the room immediately.

"I'm good. I just came to say goodbye to everyone."

"Oh good!" you said as you gathered your things and stuffed them neatly in your tote bag. "I just came here to drop some food because this guy said that he wasn’t feeling well. Let's go together," you said as you tiptoed your way out of the tight kitchen, messing Johnny's hair before you finally stepped out of the room.

"Let's go?" you asked giddily as you grabbed Doyoung's arm and waved to everybody goodbye. He finally realized what you must've felt when it was the other way around.

The walk towards the bus stop was a quiet one. None of you dared to talk. But he noticed that the spring of your step is back, if not better than before. Meanwhile, he was just walking there awkwardly, not knowing what to say to you because of how he left things the last time that you talked. He wanted to talk to you for the longest time, but he respected your wishes to be alone. Now he was regretting making that decision.

The both of you stood there at the nearest bus stop, the atmosphere is even quieter since it was just the two of you standing there.

"I missed you Doie," you spoke, breaking the silence between you too.

"I was hoping that we can talk right after this. You know, just to clear the air."

He remained quiet in his place, not really knowing how to respond to her.

"Meet me at the ramen place later?"

"Sure," Doyoung almost hit himself for answering so soon. To him, he sounded very eager to eat with you once again.

The bus finally arrived and you stepped inside, making your way into the seat. His stare lingered at you for a while, to see if you would look around like how you always did when he sent you home. You took those same steps, hesitating at the eighth one to see if he still stuck around to look at you.

You hesitantly sat back down in your seat, unsure as to whether he finally looked back at you when you were about to leave.

You never saw him though, because he asked you to sit down and within a split second, he was gone from your view.

Guess you're just gonna have to find out tonight.

xxx

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petalsmooth · 3 years

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Ok.

Let’s talk Lili.

First off we only know what stars put out about themselves or other people say about them. We are not friends with these people. We are not in their homes. We don’t usually hear what they say in unguarded conversation. What we know is what is out on social media with some highly distorted soundbites from chats or DM’s with her mother that were exposed.

We were initially presented a portrait pushed by her and her family no less of a middle class family with the standard girl next door hit it big narrative. Down to earth, relatable, somewhat quirky. Strong two parent supportive household. All that was missing were the apron and pearls.

This girl came out of the gates talking about a modernized Riverdale with two girls who would be actually close and not vying for the same redhead. Feel free to add/or correct along the way of course...especially early on when not following as closely.

We got very little in the way of insight into Cole and Lili because they were trying to keep it quiet even if there were hints together. Mostly during this period what fans were fed was that she was slightly awkward socially, maybe not the most intellectual but nice and harmless. She spoke of empowering women, independence, she constantly shut down the idea of Barchie and praised Bughead. Along through the year’s she would speak to social bullying or bullying in general. She would openly talk about struggles with mental health. She’d talk and show her cystic acne and share photos not all airbrushed in ode to body positivity. She’d talk about not having an hourglass figure, and cellulite and often go out in ratty shorts and a bun sans makeup. You see she’d talk about it then follow through by showing lived the walk or calling out photoshops done of her.

Again this is “relatable girl next door quirky Lili” we told was the REAL Lili.

She would frequently talk and post about her family and dogs at home and how much she loved and missed them...though oddly not so much her older sister.

At a certain point it became undeniable Cole and Lili were together to even the hardest deniers. Of course also the Met gala eventually made official for media.

We get have her liking posts such as Miley’s about how lucky she was to have a man who checked off all the boxes. But at times there were glimpses all wasn’t kosher. People have mentioned various cons where she’d be caught flirting somewhere else, or she’d be in a bad mood giving Cole a cold shoulder. We recently saw an old video of them walking and her basically demanding he drop the fans and attend her. We have the con were Camilla is sexually harassing Cole everywhere and Lili doesn’t shut it down until Camilla tries to grind on him. It was so bad even Mads intervened. We have the interview where she is talking over him or rolling her eyes and basically being the unprofessional brat her fans claim she is not. Even though it’s ON CAMERA. Snapping at your co worker/boyfriend and rolling your eyes during a professional interview is not deniable.

Flashforward to the trip to Italy because for me there was always something off about that. That trip was obviously planned far in advance. Clearly Lili was supposed to be there. Her fans quickly blamed Cole because Lili was working. Lili didn’t have to work. It wasn’t a career changing move to do that film. It did not do well. I’m not entirely sure what was happening around that time but I have the sense Cole was disappointed/a little angry she prioritized it over him accepting very likely the offer AFTER the trip was planned.

Lili spirals during this time. Cole comes back to clean up mess. They are quiet on social media for a long time then slowly emerge again and eventually get the photo booth shots, the wedding and her mingling with NY friends for once. Turns out close to the end for them.

I don’t want to make this a Sprousehart post though although some relevance to bring part of it up. The point is Lili put her career over her relationship. It was a calculated decision. It was also the wrong decision. Her fans talk about her being this warm giving person but that was a cynical call and a pretty lousy thing to do to your boyfriend of several year’s. I’m all for supportive partners but there are time’s where you make sacrifices if you really care for someone and this was a special trip planned long in advance. She blew it off. If I’m the partner she does this too, I question why I’m putting in the effort if it doesn’t mean to them what it means to me.

TBH I think the bad choices she made there is why tried to make it up by meeting with his friends, the wedding etc...

Something than clearly happened because by January they were done. Not sure we’ll ever know but it looked like they were trying to fix things given the happiness hadn’t seen on Cole’s faces in a long time in those booth pics and then...it was done. We didn’t know at the time, but this is timeline Cole gave. There was a brief attempt at reconciliation where she babysits him at a photo shoot and posts a photo of them in bed and then shortly after...Cole calls it off.

He heads to LA, she follows him there but not without making sure to shove Casey’s face into her chest to post and rent a place close to where he is staying. She posts weepy messages about the world ending etc....and weird new photos mimicking old shoots with him so naturally people think this means whatever happened they worked through. Around same time she and hers manipulated her fans to try to cancel him earlier because she misunderstood a picture of Kaia....although flat out if he had been with Kaia he was SINGLE and it was no longer her business.

She tries to walk back the firestorm she unleashed on him by “defending” him from a lesser twitter trend after realizing misconstrued the Kaia picture, All summer she weirdly seems to be trying to avoid the topic if they are together or not despite saying once if they weren’t she’d tell people. She finally puts her foot in her mouth one two many times' and Cole confirms they broke up which she doesn’t acknowledge. Because she doesn’t want to be broken up.

As we know know it wasn’t all rainbows on the set even before all this happened as in the musical she’d launched an object at him hard enough to have the crew concerned. Lili fans keep saying Cole is abusive but the only evidence we have of abuse is her towards him. We also had her suddenly doing a 180 from past 4 year’s and excusing cheating with Archie and promoting everyone in her live recaps except Cole/Jughead.

Back to the events following Cole’s post....then we get a sudden string of interviews taking shots at Cole, doxxing him, implying he could have strayed (just to resurrect hate against him) but can’t say he actually did because she has no proof. We know this because in those chats admit it was just suspicion and paranoia and never did have any names.

We learn that Lili has been funneling news and gossip and photos to keep her mother’s hold on the fandom in check and her mother in turn has been bullying people who would stand on Cole’s side. They sought to ruin him. This is not debatable.

For year’s people had made fun and called Bree out for being an obsessive stalker unable to let a relationship go, then Lili starts doing the same. We know she has tried to copy Ari’s style, her mother made a snide comment about breast size, Lili tried to taunt Ari from on set and Ari shut her down. A girl who almost never was in the line of sight of paps suddenly is snapped everyday following break up even before the public new. That doesn’t just happen. She wanted the attention.

I’m not going to go into all of it, you all know it. Suffice to say revealing she has a bitter vindictive attitude she has submersed herself in ever since Cole made it clear no reunion. She won’t even broach the topic of Bughead/Jughead unless forced. You can spin all you like but the split screens was not an artistic choice by RD. It was spurred by need to keep them apart.

Lili last summer was doing precious little other than a post or two of Black Lives matter and then when Cole gets arrested suddenly she jumps on the me too and sets up impulsive lives. Maybe she meant well but a part of me thinks she did it to attract his attention. Notice once she got praise for it and the initial protests faded she more or less doesn’t bring it up anymore. Cole never intended to get attention, it just happened because he’s a star and got taken in to a jail cell. He never put himself on camera for notice.

Lili also co-opts the murder of a girl to flaunt she thinks she looks good naked. Completely tone deaf.

Lili very rarely is seen in fan photos, only usually when she’s getting flack for it online. She, a girl who talks about bullying, went on a midnight tirade against a guy who dares to critique or poetry setting her fans on him. Then deleted it probably because publicist in her ear.

She first said poems not about Cole, than said you could read into what you wanted to sell them. Now she doesn’t want to talk poetry or sequels because it flopped and was critically panned.

There are constant rumors about Lili on sets of productions to point they even had someone on her newer movie try to downplay. Yet we see in a video the cast barely talking and looking tense on a boat.

The girl who used to talk about body positivity now lets them airbrush abs onto her.

The girl who used to talk of therapy and mental illness now promotes OTC supplements for $ and cults.

If she mentions cellulite she uses other tik toks of people showing not her own.

She said she would never be on tik tok, yet now has her own and post old videos that aren’t funny.

Lili once tired to attack Cole by talking about losing yourself in drugs or alcohol or sex yet we’ve seen her drug paraphernalia because she advertises. Her friends post and laugh over her being drunk. She was in an off and on relationship with Wallis that doesn’t seem to be about anything but sex.

We were told Coles friends are bad influences but Taylor is out there solicitating questionable clients and making videos slamming LILI’S COWORKER as a bad actor and his brother,

The majority of Lili’s posts no longer feature Sunny or her family/Addy.

She insulted Vancouver, compared to a prison, and made it clear her creature comforts were of more importance than a pandemic. Not quite the attitude of an empath. Which she claims she is with intention to be a master which require sucking more gullible people into the cult.

She brags about being a “rich man” without understand the context. She went from artistic photos to modeling pinups to fuel her lack of self esteem.

She’s in her mid 20′s, claims she had grown and matured in the last year but there is no evidence of it. Still can’t work with her ex without buffers which still influences show direction though her fans deny.. Still lives off junk food and hangovers. Those glasses aren’t just for sun. Her timeline is mostly an ode to her vanity with pictures of herself and then her dog. She doesn’t seem to have any causes she’s deeply involved in on the side apart from her cult. She’s still stalking Cole as her impulsive makeup tutorial showed. She said she cut out of her life anyone who doesn’t service her. I highly doubt she is receiving quality therapy on the regular right now. She still does not seem to possess the ability to own her mistakes and apologize when warranted, rather deflects or erases when heat becomes too hot.

The content she puts out about herself post break up is very different than the bill of goods fans were sold before. She is a far cry from that quirky girl next door that stood FOR something more than vanity and shallow affirmation. So no, I don’t see what you see in her stans. Everything that once seemed to distinguish her from other spoilt princesses has long faded.

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canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

Text

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 18, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Hey OP where’s the funny header gif for this post? Sorry, it was murdered by an angst demon and the framing of these shots.

My Found Family Came to Find Me

Continuing our flashback from last time, we see Baby Wei Ying up a tree, refusing to come down because he's afraid there are dogs. Eventually he falls out of the tree, like a dumbass a child, and Yanli tries but fails to catch him.

Unlike his grownup counterpart, Baby Wei Ying doesn't pretend he's unhurt when he is hurt. I'd like to put the change at Yu Ziyuan's door, but actually he admits to being hurt during his Gusu summer - he mimics Lan Zhan's stoicism when they're getting beaten, but it doesn't come naturally to him, and he whines a lot afterwards.

By the time of the Animatronic Dog incident, however, he's laughing off obvious injuries that have secret trauma behind them. By the time he comes back, coreless, from the burial mounds, he won't confide in anyone about his hurts any more, except possibly Wen Qing.

Yanli carries Wei Ying, in a sequence that will be echoed much later in his life when Lan Zhan carries him (gifset here). While they head back, she tells him that Jiang Cheng has a bad temper and to ignore whatever mean things he says. This will also be echoed in the future, when Wei Wuxian says it to Lan Zhan after their argument with Jiang Cheng in the shrine.

Yanli also explains that Jiang Cheng loved his dogs and that he's been very sad since Jiang Fengmian sent them away, demonstrating once again that Jiang Fengmian is a terrible father. Yanli says that Jiang Cheng will be happy to have a friend with him, though. This kind of makes Wei Wuxian's role in Jiang Cheng's life "replacement dog."

Jiang Cheng, after getting over this particular snit, got worried about Wei Wuxian and woke up Yanli to find him, and then went wandering around in the dark like a dumbass a child, and is banged up and crying when the other two find him. Yanli encourages him to apologize to Wei Wuxian and he does, which will not happen again until the very end of the show.

They all smile and laugh together, as Wei Ying looks to Yanli to guide him through the insanity that his life has suddenly become.

(more behind the cut!)

They head back to Lotus Pier in a sweet montage of walking and smiling together, with Jiang Cheng carrying the world's most beautiful candle holder with the world's most wind-resistant candle in it, to light their way back. Back in the present day for a brief moment, Jiang Cheng pretends to sleep and listens to his sister insisting that the three of them should always stay together, while a single tear rolls down the side of his face.

Soup is Love, Chapter 1 of 1000

Then we head to the past again. In Jiang Cheng & Wei Ying's now-shared room, Wei Ying sits on the bed trying to figure out how to deal with his grumpy new roommate.

Wei Ying is unsure what to do when confronted with pajama game this strong. Tiny Jiang Cheng is already a fashion king.

Then he tells Jiang Cheng he's not going to narc him out to the clan leader, since it was his own fault that he hurt his leg. This is all Jiang Cheng needs to hear to decide Wei Ying is all right, and he says that he will help Wei Ying chase away dogs in the future. In fact, Wei Wuxian will protect Jiang Cheng from punishment basically forever, while Jiang Cheng will continue to threaten Wei Wuxian with dogs...forever.

They shake hands on their new understanding and then jump up and down laughing, Wei Ying's leg being all better now, apparently. When Yanli arrives (carrying a tray of...can you guess? I'll let you guess), they stop jumping. Wei Ying dives in to give Jiang Cheng a little tickle/embrace in an adorable moment that would have me saying "oh, my ovaries!" if I hadn't surgically sent my ovaries to hell a few years ago.

Yanli introduces Wei Ying to the emotional and gustatorial miracle that is her lotus and ribs soup. He hesitates a long time before tucking in because he's so unused to being fed.

Consent? I Don’t Even Know Her

The flashback wraps up with Yanli conked out on the table from the drugs in the incense burner, while Wei Wuxian, who is somehow unaffected despite sitting almost as close to the smoke as she was, checks on her. Jiang Cheng and his Uggs period-appropriate sock thingies get out of bed to come stand with Wei Wuxian, and have feelings about sending Yanli away after she JUST said she doesn't want to be parted from them.

Wei Wuxian: If she didn't want us to do this, she shouldn't have signed that blanket consent-to-medical-treatment form. Jiang Cheng: Wen Qing made me sign one of those plus a durable power of attorney, is that bad?

This episode is all about people overriding each others' agency and making massively important decisions without the consent of the people who will be affected. But in a feudal context, it's not a violation, no matter how it feels to the person being controlled. In feudal life, your body belongs to your lord -- your sect leader, in the world of CQL. Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng's choices are overridden by their clan leader's final command to Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian's core is arguably Jiang Fengmian's property--Wei Wuxian certainly sees it that way, just as his hand was Yu Ziyuan's to take if she wished.

The brothers tenderly tuck Yanli into bed in the rolly cart and hand her off to Song Lan. They talk about how important it is to get her to Lanling and that she's probably going to be mad, as they thank Song Lan for helping them.

Yanli listens while she sleeps and, in what is becoming a trademark Jiang move, lets a single tear roll down the side of her face. Jiang Cheng points out that Yanli never gets mad at Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian is like, true dat.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Song Lan is always so emotional about every damn thing, I love him. Here he's like OH GOD NO DON'T FORMALLY THANK ME! STOP!!!

Then he starts to ask Wei Wuxian to pass a message to Song Xingchen for him, but then decides not to say anything, making it super obvious that they fought and aren't together.

Wei Wuxian reacts to this with confusion and distress, probably because he doesn't want to imagine ever having a breakup with his own soulmate. Which he soon will be having. But possibly he's just upset that his OTP broke up.

After Song Lan takes off, Jiang Cheng gives Wen Qing a rude & perfunctory thank-you bow, turning away before she can return it. Wei Wuxian tells her not to take it to heart - basically everyone who deals with Jiang Cheng gets a version of the "ignore what he says" speech. She says she understands and that in his place she would have behaved worse, which is so totally not true.

Then she asks Wei Wuxian if he's sure about the core transfer (not in so many words, because the script is being kind of being vague about it, without actually hiding what's happening). His reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.

Then he and Jiang Cheng walk off, with Jiang Cheng giving us a rear view that had me googling Wang Zhuocheng's fashion shoots to determine if that wagon he's draggin’ is really as delightful as this belt makes it look. Alas, there is not a wealth of photographic evidence for this research, as compared to, for example, photos of Xiao Zhan's outstanding ass.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning see them off, with Wen Qing wishing they valued their lives more. Although, what she and Wen Ning are doing is massive treason, so their lives will be pretty much forfeit if they're caught, so...

The Sunshot Campaign of Like 60 Dudes

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng walk up the mountain for the whole beginning of the Sunshot campaign, which...okay. Maybe it's like Dunkirk or The Witcher where they intercut stuff that is happening in different timeframes, which is one of my least favorite new film style thingies.

You know, for a guy Wei Wuxian constantly calls "peacock," Jin Ziyuan really doesn't wear a lot of adornment; just some subtle metalwork on his belt with no dangly bits at all, and a single reasonably-sized hair crown. Compared to the extremely fancy Lan Wangji he's almost plain. We already know that Wei Wuxian is a massive hypocrite when it comes to his idea of a perfect boy, however.

So, this is the Lanling Jin army, which consists of literally 60 guys, including the ones on the stairs and Jin Zixuan and Douchebag Dad. How are they going to fight a war with this tiny group? Why do they have such a big plaza? Hasn't anybody on this production learned CGI cloning?

That’s better.

Nie Mingjue and his best bitch Baxia make quick work of the 4 Wen guys who were assigned to hold the Unclean Realm.

Hello, Daddy Da-Ge!

Squeeee, it's Lan Wangji! He's taking back Cloud Recesses! Ooooohhh we've missed you Lan Wangji.

Look guys he's here! Look how beautiful he is. He's looking at the gate of cloud recesses and thinking thoughts that Lan Xichen or Wei Wuxian could probably see in his bewitching eyes if they were here to see him, which they aren't. But at least he is here!

....and now he's gone again. *cries*

Hares On The Mountains

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian continue roaming prettily around this pretty mountainside. The locations in this show are such eye candy.

Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains If I was a young lass I’d soon go a hunting

Jiang Cheng starts to have doubts about the whole Baoshan Sanren thing. Wei Wuxian's reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.

Then we have just the tenderest blindfolding scene, (more gifs here), which is fodder for your ChengXian dreams, if you have those.

Here's a good place for a sidebar about what is and isn't incest. Whee! In the CDrama context, relationships tend to be more clearly defined than in western media. The mechanism of confession & acceptance means that people either are or are not in a romantic relationship, with few grey areas. So a character can literally say "we grew up as brother and sister, but now we are dating" and when someone looks startled they just say "there's no blood relation" and everyone is like "cool cool" and that's the new definition of the relationship.

For a strong example of this, the extremely wonderful Go Ahead is about a contemporary family in which a girl and two boys, who are not blood relatives, are all raised together, and call each other brother and sister. When they become adults, they and everyone around them expect the girl (now a woman) to marry one of the two men who have been her brothers, while whichever one she doesn't choose will carry on as her sibling. It's treated as the most natural, logical thing in the world; the only question is whether she wants to make that transition, and with whom.

Looked at through this lens, Wei Wuxian's relationships with his adoptive siblings have just as much potential to turn into romances as his relationships with his friends do, and there's nothing creepy about it. As such you can expect my meta to always get into ChengXian moments without treating it as a wrong or forbidden love. Hopeless, of course, because Jiang Cheng is such a prick the power of WangXian is stronger, but that's a different matter.

What is wrong is wearing this fantastic hat & veil combination when the most fashionable person on the mountain is blindfolded and can't see it.

In the course of this blindfolded encounter with Wen Qing, Jiang Cheng gets to kneel before a powerful woman, be led along by a length of silk that's placed in his hand, and then knocked the fuck out and operated on. He'll wake up in a hotel room in a tub full of ice with "we took your kidney" written on the mirror in lipstick, and he'll love every minute of it.

Soundtrack: 1. Still Fighting it, by Ben Folds 2. Hares on the Mountain, by Steeleye Span

Writing Prompt: The NEXT time somebody blindfolds Jiang Cheng

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #chengxian #cql #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs

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ricksroaches · 3 years

Text

Y/N part 1 - Dysphoria ch. 5

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

summary: Y/N has an accident at a Halloween party that sends her further down the wrong path.

notes: Occasionally I'll make some grammatical errors on purpose for emotional emphasis so that's why. Also sorry this took so long I'm kinda going through some stuff right now.

word count: 16.9k

warnings: language, drugs, self harm, mental hospitalization, shitty parents, near drowning, anxiety attack, overdose, hospitalization, miscarriage, sedation

“Do you know why you’re here, Y/N?”

“Spare me. I’ve done this before.”

“I know you have. I’m simply asking if you understand that you need this.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t understand?”

“No, I mean that I don’t need this.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I’ve already accepted that this is how I feel, and how I’ll keep feeling ‘til I die. No amount of talking it out and coping skills will change that.”

“Well, that’s not a very healthy way to look at it.”

“Yeah, no shit, but it works for me and I’d appreciate it if people didn’t waste their time trying to fix me so they can feel better about themselves.”

“I understand.”

“Obviously, you don’t. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”

“I do. I’m not here to tell you what you're doing wrong. I’m here to figure out how and why you got to where you are.”

“What, you gonna pick apart my life and tell me where everything went wrong?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what?”

“Well first, I’d like to go back and discuss your experience at St. Joseph’s.”

“I don’t really feel like talking about that.”

“Y/N, these sessions are mandatory. No matter how much you resist, we’re still stuck here, so you might as well take advantage of the time we still have.”

“…”

“Or, we could just here in silen-”

“Fine. Anything but that.”

~~~

8TH GRADE

The cold classroom was silent except for the steady tick of the clock on the wall. It was only third hour and Y/N already wanted to jump out a window. She’d long finished her classwork and homework, so she buried herself in her sketchbook. Drawing was always her safe place. She found it meditative being able to just turn off her brain and let the pencil map out her mind.

Everyone jumped a little when the intercom released its usual loud beep. “I need to see Y/N L/N in the office.” Her stomach fluttered at the chance to get out of class. “And tell her to bring her things.” She halted. What? She didn’t have any appointments that she knew of, and her parents weren’t the type to check her out for minor things. Her head pounded while she stuffed everything in her backpack with everyone, including her teacher, watching her.

Backpack slung over one shoulder, she made her way down the bland cream and blue hallway that she’d spent the last three miserable years in. Jimin was her best friend all through elementary school, but he switched to a private school, leaving her to fend for herself in a new school of unfamiliar faces. He didn’t want to leave her, but the school she was going to didn’t have a dance department, and his mom had convinced him to go. By the time she found out that the school in question had the best arts program in the district, it was too late. There was no way her parents could afford to send her there anyway.

She’d be lying if she said she was happy he was pursuing his dream. Making friends wasn’t an easy task, Jimin was always the one that did the talking. So she settled for whoever cared enough to give her the time of day. There was only one person she was actually close enough with to hang out outside of school, Abigail. To say she was the dominant one in their relationship would be an understatement. Whatever Abi said, went. Whatever Abi wanted, she got. Whatever she wanted to do, Y/N was dragged along whether she liked it or not. She didn’t mind that much. It was better than no one.

The office door came into view, and she ran over every possible circumstance in her head before opening it. Her parents stood by the front desk. Her dad was clutching her mom’s trembling hand. “Mom? Dad? What’s going on? Did somebody die??”

“No, everything’s fine. We’ll explain on the way.” Her dad took it upon himself to answer.

“Uh...o-kay?”

The second her dad pulled the car onto the road, her mom turned around to face her. “I don’t really know how to start this, so I’m just going to say it. I was cleaning your room last week and found something.”

“What?” She pulled an old DVD case from the glove box and set it in Y/N’s lap. Every single defense mechanism in her body went off at once as she gawked at the image of a black bobbed Uma Thurman laying on a bed with racey magazines, puffing on a cigarette. Her favorite movie. But she knew it wasn’t the inappropriate film that her parents were concerned about. She slid the plastic sheath off to reveal-. They weren’t there.

“Looking for these?” Her mom held up her palm stacked with the razor blades she’d tucked behind the cover. Y/N’s face turned a sickly white, her mouth opening and closing to think of something to say. Her mind was moving so fast her words couldn’t keep up. She had nothing.

“Really? You have nothing to say for yourself?” She subconsciously pulled down her sweater sleeves. Her mom snatched her wrist and yanked the knit fabric back. “How could you do this to yourself?” She turned her arm to make her look at the pale pink and red lines that peppered all the way up her arm. “This is going to stay on you forever. What do you expect people to think when summer comes?”

Y/N dropped her head against the headrest and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. Of all the scenarios she thought of, this wasn't one of them. This had to be a dream. It had to be. She tried to pull her arm away and her mom let go, letting it fall to her side. She turned to her dad with a look that screamed, Say something! He simply shook his head in disappointment.

The car was silent for a long time before she finally mustered the strength to open her mouth. “W-where are we going...?”

“A Catholic youth center.”

“A youth center?”

“Yes. They offer great adolescent counseling.”

“But I don't want to.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“Y/N, we just want to get you help, but we can’t do this on our own.” Her dad finally spoke up.

“It’s a nice place. Sister Adrianne from church volunteers there.” Her mom added.

They turned into the parking lot of an old fashioned brick building decorated with stained glass and white molding. She could smell the Catholicism from here. A black suit, white collared man was waiting for them at the entrance once they’d found a parking space. His wire rimmed glasses caught the late morning sun, shining it right in Y/N’s eyes. That alone was enough to make her scowl. “Hello, I’m Father McCarthy, you must be the L/Ns.” Her parents exchanged pleasantries with him before he led them into the lobby.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of the room was a marble statue of St. Joseph, patron saint of children. Y/N scoffed to herself. She hated this place already. The priest spun on his heels to face the family. “If you don’t mind, I was hoping to have a word with Miss Y/N before the tour.” They looked at each other, shrugged, and nudged the poor girl out to him. “It won’t take but a minute.” He said before cupping her shoulder and steering her through the lobby to a set of backdoors.

Outside was a meditation garden that spanned farther than she could see. Cobblestone paths twisted and turned around rose bushes and vines of ivy. The steady flow of the fountain at the center gave the air a calming ambience. Y/N was anything but calm. “Why are we here?”

“I thought maybe a look at the garden would suit your nerves.” He caught her confused stare and laughed lightly. “Your mask is thick, strong, but I can see deeper than most.”

“I appreciate the effort, but it takes more than some pretty flowers to make me feel better. Are we done?” He sighed and checked his watch.

“I suppose. Right this way.” He placed a guiding hand on her back and steered them to the path out of the garden and inside. Her stride slowed when she saw her parents standing in the lobby, a suitcase in her dad’s hand. Her suitcase. A man in white scrubs took it from him and carried it in the other direction. Everything clicked.

¨No…” She breathed, her head mindlessly shaking. She stepped back and bumped into something firm and whipped around. Another man in the same white uniform towered over her. His face was gentle but his jacked body told a completely different story. His hand clamped onto her bicep. “No, no, no, nonoNONO!” She frantically looked to her parents, who were standing at the exit with pain stricken faces. Her mom buried her head into him while she heard her daughter being dragged away kicking and screaming by two nurses. She’d never forget the final words she caught before she disappeared behind a set of swinging doors.

“I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!”

~~~

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you ever forgive your parents?”

“I tried, but she ruined it.”

“How?”

~~~

Y/N followed her screaming, cussing mom through the house as she took trips from her room to the porch, tossing her belongings out onto the lawn.

She’d found her stash.

“Mom! Stop it! This is childish!” she stopped in her tracks and whipped around to face her daughter.

“CHILDISH?!” She took an aggressive step forward. “I’LL TELL YOU WHAT”S CHILDISH! STEALING FROM YOUR OWN PARENTS TO BY DRUGS!” Y/N threw her hands into her hair and tugged at her scalp.

“It’s just weed! And I bought it with my own money! It’s not like I’m doing crack!” She looked to her dad sitting in his chair in the corner of the living room, observing the whole debacle. “Dad? Help?” He gave her a look of surrender. Not my call. Her mom disappeared back into her room.

“IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” Her mom shouted as she threw another handful of clothes out the door. “AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE SPENT ON YOU AND YOU GO AND BUY DRUGS?! IT’S LIKE YOU CHOOSE TO BE MISERABLE!” Y/N pounded across the floorboards and got nose to nose with her.

“OH, I’M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO PAY TO THROW YOUR OWN DAUGHTER IN A PSYCH WARD BECAUSE NOT HAVING A NORMAL KID WAS TOO HARD FOR YOU! AND I’M SORRY YOUR HUSBAND WAS TOO PUSSY TO STOP YOU! AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S MAKING ME MISERABLE?! YOU!”

“THEN GET THE FUCK OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Her mom shoved her by the shoulders into the wall.

“FINE!” Y/N stomped to her room and grabbed her backpack, stuffing in as many necessities as she could. She threw it over her shoulder and blew past her still fuming (and still cussing) mom. “Good fucking riddance!” she shouted over her shoulder. She swiped her car keys from the bowl and slammed the front door behind her so hard she heard a line of books topple to the floor inside. The lock on the door clicked and the curtains at the front of the house were hastily drawn.

She lividly gathered her clothes and suitcase strewn about the grass and crammed them into her shitty grey Corolla wherever they could fit. She dropped into the driver's seat and ripped the car out of the driveway and down the dimly lit street.

She crashed at Jimin’s for a bit while she looked for a place. Abi was long gone by then. Back when she was at St. Joseph’s, she’d called Abi for comfort, but what she didn’t know was that she happened to be at a sleepover, and that she’d put her on speaker. It didn’t take long for Y/N to hear a muffled giggle from the other end, and it was safe to say their friendship died the second she slammed the hospital phone receiver back onto its hook.

She didn’t need her anymore. Not with Jimin coming back for high school. He begged his mom to let him go to public school so he could be with Y/N again. What managed to convince her was the impressive dance team the school boasted.

Within the first week away from home, a packet of government documents for her emancipation arrived in her parents’ mail. She was surprised to receive a phone call from her attorney the next day, saying he already received the pettily signed forms and that they’d been filed with the district court. That was it. In a few months, she would be legally on her own. Sixteen years old and on her own.

~~~

“Good. That was good. I know that wasn’t the easiest thing to say, just know that it’s a step in the right direction.”

“Whatever. Are we done?”

“I suppose.”

~~~

Y/N sat on Yoongi’s lap while she painted his hairline into a V and thickened his sideburns into a more boxy shape. His hair was slicked back and he sported a suit and bolo tie. It didn’t take much to convince him to dress as Vincent and Mia from Pulp Fiction for Halloween. She bit the inside of her red painted lips while she cleaned up the edges of his widow’s peak with a steady hand.

It was a lot weirder than Yoongi expected to see her in a wig. The silky black bob made it feel like a complete stranger was parked on his thighs. Her unbuttoned white blouse and wide-bottomed slacks the complete opposite of her usual style. The only thing about her that was the same as he always loved were her eyes. He admired the e/c orbs that flicked back and forth in concentration, oblivious of his gaze.

“I think I’m done.” She leaned back and moved his face side to side to make sure his sideburns were even. “Yeah, you're good to go.” She gave his cheek two solid pats and climbed off his lap to get her shoes. He stood from her bed and checked himself out in her full length mirror. His hair had grown out quite a bit. Long enough to brush the back of his neck when he turned his head. He didn’t think he’d like how he looked with this hair, but it was quickly growing on him.

Y/N came up from behind and wrapped her arms around his torso. She peaked her head around his shoulder to admire his look put together. “If I didn’t know a better word, I’d say you look hot right now.” He caught her eye in the mirror with a smirk as he smoothed back his hair once last time.

“I think,” He pulled her in front of him to see her reflection, “I should be the one saying that.” He slid his hands up her shirt and adjusted the black bralette hidden underneath that had been wrinkled from her hunching over him. Her skin tingled under his large, warm hands. That asshole. He did that on purpose. He dipped his head to be even with hers. “Now, we should go before I mess up that lipstick of yours.”

~~~

Jin leaned against the kitchen counter and surveyed the frat house filled with college and high school students alike. Cobwebs stretched over every corner and fog machines gave the air a dark, heavy look. He always loved throwing his annual Halloween party. It was his favorite holiday other than his birthday. Couples cutely matching, friends coordinating costumes, comedians in gag outfits, and almost every girl wearing a sexy version of what we all dressed as kids. He loved any excuse to dress up.

He wore a loose white tunic and black slacks, his defining piece was the pink and blue diamond printed coat hanging from his shoulders. Howl from, only his favorite movie ever, Howl’s Moving Castle. He watched that shit like it was his job.

“Damn, do you need a maid? I’m not an old lady, but I can cook and clean.” He spun and met a smirking Jimin. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned, black tie loosened, hair tousled, and red lipstick marks trailed from his chest all the way to his cheeks. Jin eyed the scene with visible concern. “Relax, this is my costume. I have a little class.”

“Oh, thank God.” Jin laughed.

“Although some of these are courtesy of some lovely ladies here tonight.” He turned to show the words “KISS ME” written on his back in big letters.

“How did you even get them to agree to do that?” Jimin flashed a proud smile.

“It was easy. Girls aren’t threatened by me. Being part gay is great, you get the best of both worlds!” Jins phone buzzed in his pocket.

Thing 1: Me and Yoongi are about to pull up

Jin smiled at his screen and typed a quick response.

“Who’s Thing 2?” He turned to the younger looking over his shoulder.

“You.” Before Jimin could offer a rebuttal, Jungkook squeezed out of the crowd and nested at his side, beer in hand.

“There’s my Ponyboy!” Jimin gave him a slap on the back. Jungkook's hair was greased back with a single curl hanging on his forehead. His white t-shirt and jeans matched well with Yoongi’s leather jacket that he lended for the occasion. “Doesn’t he scream Ponyboy vibes?”

“I’ll admit it,” Jin added, “he does.” Jungkook took a sip of his beer to hide his embarrassment. He never liked being the center of attention.

The front door burst open to reveal Taehyung, clad in a full face of clown makeup, green hair, and a purple and yellow suit. “WHAT’S POPPIN’ ASS WIPES!!!” He marched inside and made a beeline to the three with Jiwoo in tow. Her skunk stripes were in pink and blue pigtails and her black and red corset top and tights hugged her slim figure. “GUESS WHO HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!” He laced his fingers with hers and lifted her arm triumphantly in the air. She hid her face bashfully with her free hand. Jimin gasped.

“Shut. Up. You're joking!” Tae flashed a boxy grin.

“No, I’m Joker.” Jiwoo slapped him in the arm.

“Yes, he’s for real.” She answered on his behalf. Jimin and Jin exchanged dramatic, wide-eyed looks and threw their arms around the new couple.

“We did it! He’s off the streets!”

“He’s off the streets!”

“I’m off the streets!”

Jiwoo watched the three jump in circles with their arms linked like a bunch of kids who were told they’re going to McDonald’s. Yeah, she made the right choice.

The front door opened again, not flying off the hinges this time, and Y/N stepped in with Yoongi flush against her back. She spotted the group in the kitchen and threw her arms up. “Heyyyyy!!!!” Taehyung turned with an ecstatic smile and bounded over, pulling her off the ground in a big bear hug.

“Y/N GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT!”

“What?” she gasped under his grip. He dropped her and gripped her shoulders.

“I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” Both Yoongi and Y/N’s faces lit up.

“WHAT?! TAE, OH MY GOD YOU'RE OFF THE STREETS!” She clapped her hands together giddily and threw her arms back around his neck.

“I KNOW! THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAID!”

“Okay, okay, break it up.” Yoongi pried the two children apart and steered them to the kitchen. On the way, he leaned into Tae’s ear and whispered, “I trust you, but I’ll say this anyway. You hurt her, I hurt you.” He snapped out of his scary tone when Jimin came and pulled Y/N into a hug and kissed both her cheeks.

“Ahh! You two look so hot together! Best couple costume ever!” Yoongi never minded how close they were. He knew about their brief fling before he came along, but he trusted her when she said it was all in the past.

Y/N’s excited squeal broke through his thoughts. She booked it for Jungkook to gush over his costume. “Kookie! You look so friggin’ cute!!” She played with the piece of hair hanging on his forehead and fixed a few loose strands. He smiled at his feet and fiddled with his jacket zipper. “Come on, gimme a spin!” He sheepishly did a 360 to give her a full look at his outfit.

“I’ll be damned,” Yoongi added, “you almost look better in that jacket than I do.” Jungkook hid his face behind his hands. He couldn’t control the big ass grin plastered on his face.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him all night!” Jimin cut in, fists on his hips. She squeezed past him and Jungkook to say hi to Jiwoo and Jin.

The eldest boy pulled her into a sweet hug, his coat draping partially over her back. He leaned back to catch her eye. “How are you? You doing okay?” Jin, ever the mom.

The truth was, she wasn’t. Her situation with the pills was getting out of hand. What started out as a party topper, became a full blown addiction. She hated the person she had become. If she didn’t get her fix, she’d turn into a monster, snapping at anyone and everyone if they rubbed her the wrong way.

The moment she realized she had a problem was when Jungkook tried to approach her at school on one of her bad days. She ended up punching her locker with enough force to turn heads. The cold, unsympathetic eyes of the complete stranger that took her place bore into him before storming off. Tears welled in his eyes and he was frozen in place. All he asked was if he could help.

She scared him, and she'd never forgive herself for it. Even after he did.

She put on her best convincing smile and patted Jin’s chest. “I’m fine, you shouldn’t be worrying about me.” He searched her eyes for a crack in the facade, but he saw none. A warm smile played on his lips and he gave her a kiss on the head before turning her loose. She immediately pivoted to Jiwoo, trying to change the subject.

“Now I’m no DC expert, but I’m pretty sure you two are from different movies.” She gestured to the couple. “Tae, I know you’re from the Dark Knight, but I've never seen Harley in this hot ass outfit before.” Jiwoo chuckled and shuffled in her knee length boots.

“I’m actually Harley from Arkham Knight, a video game. It’s my favorite look of hers.” Y/N gave her another up and down, nodding her head.

“It’s great ‘cus Harley wasn’t in The Dark Knight, so she could be any version she wanted.” Tae commented.

“Except Suicide Squad.” Jiwoo added.

“Except Suicide Squad.” He echoed. “That movie was a disgrace.”

“Hey,” Y/N slapped Jimin on the arm, “Is Hobi here yet? I need a little...” She tapped the side of her nose. He giggled and pointed to the loft on the second floor.

“He was up there last I saw him. Have at it.” She made her way back to Yoongi and went on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck.

“Go ahead and make yourself a drink. I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.” She said seductively in her best Mia Wallace voice. Her index and middle fingers walked up his chest and dragged across his shoulder as she walked past him.

The loft was surprisingly hard to get to being that it was clogged with partygoers. She finally managed to squeeze through and fall to the floor, her face inches from a pair of sharp-toed dress shoes. She followed the white suit up to the face peering down at her. “The floor is no place for you, Mrs. Wallace.” A hand gripped her forearm and hoisted her to her feet with ease. At the other end of the arm holding her, was Hoseok’s beaming smile. The pointed collar of his black dress shirt was folded over the lapel of his suit.

“Saturday Night Fever?” He nodded. “Yay, now I have two John Travolta’s.” She took her arm from his hold and fixed her bangs.

“I think I might know why you’re here.” He inquired

“You would be correct, sir.” He chuckled.

“Follow me.”

He led her to a couch at the edge of the loft that overlooked the sea of costumes below. There was so much smoke in the air it was impossible to tell if it came from the fog machines or someone’s lungs. They plopped onto the cushions and he went to work cutting lines on a mirror laid on the coffee table. “So how’s life?”

“Eh, I've been better.” She let herself slip a little. Talking to Hoseok was easy. She liked being able to tell him some heavier things because he never pressed for more information. He accepted what he was given and took it in stride. She leaned forward and grabbed an almost empty bottle of cherry vodka and finished it off.

“I feel ‘ya. Soccer practice is really starting to get to me. Just gotta take it day by day, my friend.” He slid the mirror to her side and handed her a rolled up bill. “Here.”

“Thank you, good sir.” She plucked the makeshift tube from his fingers and dipped her head to sniff up the pristine white line. The feeling hit her instantly. A huge smile spread across her face and her whole body felt like it was floating among the smoke clouds.

“Good?” She couldn’t find the words, so she gave him a simple thumbs up. Their moment was cut short when Taehyung’s booming voice cut through the music and conversation.

“EVERYONE! OUR BELOVED QUARTERBACK, NAMJOON KIM, IS OFFICIALLY OFF THE MARKET!”

“WHAT?!” They shouted in unison. With a quick shared look, they scrambled down the stairs and through the cheering crowd. Taehyung was standing, red cup in hand, on the thick mantle of the fireplace at the head of the room. “Jesus fucking Christ.” She mumbled as they watched Jiwoo weave through the mob to pull him down.

“There he is!” Hoseok pointed to the head of brown hair that poked above everyone else. He pulled her along behind him, using his strength to cut through the congestion. When they broke through the wall of bodies, the entire friend group was gathered on the massive sectional couch at the center of the room. She picked the couple from the cluster and her jaw dropped.

“No fucking way. Cheyenne?!”

“Yes way.” Jimin chimed. The girl in question was perched on the arm of the couch next to Namjoon. Her amber eyes lit up when she recognized Y/N standing there.

“Y/N?!” She jumped up and crashed her body into hers with a crushing embrace. “Oh my God you grew up so much!! You’re not a little shrimp anymore!”

“I haven’t seen you since what? Fifth grade?” Cheyenne’s smile flashed white against her sepia skin. They were rather close in elementary until she moved away before middle school. She was the extrovert that found her and acted almost like a mother to her. Cheyenne was the one that cracked Y/N’s shell.

“I know, girl! We moved back and I’m going to Westview!”

“Westview?! I go to Westview!” Her eyes widened.

“What?! How come I haven’t seen you at school?” Y/N chuckled.

“I make myself very hard to spot.”

“She’s right,” Yoongi added, coming to stand beside her, “took me forever to track her down to talk to her for the first time.” He handed her a solo cup of vodka cranberry and she gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. Cheyenne’s hand flew to her chest.

“I’m gonna cry. My baby’s all glown up and she got herself a man!” She dramatically fanned her eyes. Her long false lashes almost reached her brows when she looked to the ceiling. Her box braids were twisted into space buns on either side of her head and her long, flowing white dress cinched at the waist and had a slit running up to reveal her muscular leg.

Y/N peaked over her shoulder at Namjoon. His long sleeved, tan v-neck and black vest made everything click. “Oh my god! Han Solo and Leia! That’s so fucking cute!”

“Can you guess whose idea it was?” Cheyenne cocked an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder at him, who blushed and gave a little finger wave. What a man baby. She took her seat back by him and Y/N and Yoongi sat on the couch across from them.

“So how did you guys meet?” The couple shared a humored look.

“Remember that bloody nose I said I got in P.E. a couple weeks ago?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah?” Cheyenne proudly raised her hand.

“That was me. It was girls vs boys in dodgeball and I nailed him in the face.” Y/N would expect nothing less from her. Even in elementary, Cheyenne was the best softball player she’d ever seen. That girl had an arm like a cannon.

“She walked with me to get ice and we kinda just got to know each other along the way.”

“Awwww~” Jimin and Taehyung swooned.

“As much as I hate to break up the moment, I'm trying to get fucked up tonight.” Y/N finally said once the conversation died down. “Chey, do you,” She put her thumb and index finger to her lips and puffed on an imaginary joint, “partake?”

Cheyenne raised an eyebrow at her. She wasn’t surprised Y/N had turned to drugs. That girl had issues from the very start. “Of course I do, who the fuck do you think I am?” Smirks cracked the pair’s lips and they shared a mischievous look for the first time in a long time.

~~~

Y/N, Yoongi, Cheyenne, Namjoon and Jimin gathered on the sofa by the swimming pool filled with splashing guys and girls stripped down to their underwear. Which was insane given that it was basically November and the water was 70 degrees at most. Yoongi placed a thick blunt between his lips and flicked his Zippo lighter, casting a brief warm glow on his face. He expertly cupped his hand against the flame and got a good burn going, then snapped the lighter closed against his thigh. The blunt cherried bright orange when he took a colossal hit, letting the smoke roll out of his nose in plumes before passing it to Y/N. She gathered a thick cloud in her mouth and let it float out to inhale through her nose. The milky reverse waterfall flowed into her nostrils like a yellow tinted nebula. The THC hit her already intoxicated brain, sending her further into the couch.

Jimin took his two puffs quickly and passed it on. On her turn, Cheyenne blew a single smoke ring and ran her finger down the middle to make it a heart, sending it floating into Namjoon’s face.

“Cute.” He said sarcastically as he took the blunt from her manicured nails and drew a long hit. “I don’t know any tricks so you’re just gonna have to deal with my boring ass.”

“We’ve been dealing with your boring ass for years.” Y/N deadpanned, earning a series of laughs from the group.

The blunt made its way around the circle back to Yoongi for the third time, and it was starting to reach its end. “Have you two smoked together before?” He questioned the new couple. They looked at each other and shook their heads. “Well then,” he clapped his hands together and plucked the blunt from his lip, “it’s customary that new couples christen the relationship by shotgunning.”

“What?” Namjoon’s brows knit together in confusion.

“Come on Joon, you’ve hung around us this long and you still don’t know what shotgunning is?” Y/N spoke up. He threw his hands up in defense.

“Hey! I’ve only ever heard it mentioned. No one ever told me what it actually was!” Yoongi huffed a chuckle.

“Watch and learn.” He puffed on the blunt and trapped the smoke in his mouth. His hand went to the back of Y/N’s neck and pulled her into a kiss, slowly delivering the cloud to her lungs. They parted, and white fog poured from her lips. “Now you try.” He handed him the blunt. Namjoon pocketed a good bit in his cheeks and cupped Cheyenne’s jaw. He pressed a light kiss on her full lips, transferring the smoke to her.

“Like that?” Yoongi and Y/N gave him an approving nod with a shared smirk.

“Consider us properly christened.” Cheyenne quipped. Before anything else could be said, a guy popped out from the sliding doors leading inside.

“AYE! WE GOT JELLO SHOTS IN HERE!”

“Oh fuck yes!” Y/N lept up, not giving herself time to ride out the head-rush that blacked out her senses and made a beeline inside. Yoongi watched her stumble through the glass doors and disappear in the crowd with visible torment.

“You good?” Cheyenne’s robust voice broke through his inner turmoil.

“Yeah.” He kept his gaze on the spot he lost sight of her in, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

~~~

Six Jello shots, two shotgunned beers with Taehyung, another rip from Hoseok, and a bonus sniff of crushed oxy in the bathroom later, Y/N was completely, totally, and utterly wrecked. She had to hold onto the walls and furniture for dear life to make her way outside. It had been almost an hour since she left Yoongi, so it was about time she found him.

The pool was a little less crowded and she could see her reflection on the surface. It’s hair was wild, clothes wrinkled, lipstick faded. Stars twinkled across the ripples, drawing her gaze up to the sky. She walked along the edge of the pool as she admired the lights that dotted the heavens. Her feet stopped their ambling to match the two sets of pictures in her vision back in place. The luring abyss of the sky gave a sharp contrast to the glimmering lights. Everything in her peripheral melted into the darkness that blanketed her view, and the frigid water rushed up to meet her.

It sounded like any other splash. Yoongi didn’t think anything of it. People had been jumping in and out of the pool all night.

“Hey, wasn’t that your girlfriend?” He turned to see a random girl standing behind his seat. His brows furrowed.

“What?” She pointed behind her to the steady bubbles that rose to the surface of the water.

“She was walking on the edge and just keeled-” He rocketed out of his chair and shoved her out of the way. He stripped off his coat mid sprint and dove head first into the jarring water without a second thought.

The water blurred his vision, but he could make out Y/N’s body steadily sinking to the bottom of the pool. He kicked as hard as he could and propelled himself deeper and deeper until he could reach her. His hand gripped her fuzzy wrist and pulled her up to him. Arm around her waist, he swam towards the light with powerful strokes from his three free limbs.

They broke the surface and he swung his head side to side to rid the hair from his eyes. He hooked an elbow over the edge for support while he lugged her unconscious figure out of the water.

“What the fuck?” Taehyung stood dumbly at the sliding door looking out, joint hanging between his lips.

“Get her, get her!” Yoongi grunted. Taehyung rushed over and hooked his hands under her shoulders. With one big tug, he dragged her onto the cement. Her upper body rested in his lap while Yoongi hauled himself out of the pool and scrambled to her side. He pressed his ear to her chest, listening for a pulse in agonizing suspense. The breath he was holding exploded out of his chest when he heard the familiar beats. Taehyung held his finger under her nose.

“She’s breathing.” The adrenaline left Yoongi’s system, taking every ounce of his energy along with it. He collapsed onto his back next to her, gasping for air. The sliding door opened and closed.

“Tae? Why’d you- holy fuck!” Jiwoo came rushing to his side and looked over Y/N’s soaked frame. The black wig was long gone, leaving her h/c mane splayed on the wet cement. The water turned them into a dark mass of limp waves, dulling their natural brilliance. “What happened?!”

“Fell…” Yoongi huffed, “…didn't hear...splash.” His heaving breaths spaced out his words into incoherent fragments. By now, a few heads turned to watch the scene, but most everyone else was too drunk to notice there was even a problem. Jiwoo jumped up.

“I'll go find some towels.” She disappeared back inside and came out not long after with Jin and Jimin carrying thick, blue towels in their arms. Jin immediately dropped to his knees, wrapping it around her soaked body and hugged her to his chest like an infant.

“Is she okay?” He asked apprehensively.

“Yeah. I think so.” Taehyung answered for Yoongi, who was tweaking and on the verge of an anxiety attack. The first one in nearly two years. His heart clamped in his chest and despite the biting cold, his trembling body was drenched in sweat.

Switching to mom mode, Jin snapped his fingers at Jimin, who was staring at the scene before his wasted eyes. “Jimin, wrap Yoongi up and try to calm him down. You,” he pointed to Taehyung, “go find Jungkook. He’s the only one who’ll know if she’s actually okay.” The three, Jiwoo following Taehyung, jumped to work on their tasks.

Jimin draped the towel over his figure as best he could given he was laying flat on his back and there was no getting him to sit up. Yoongi’s eyes darted back and forth, pinballing against his peripheral in all different directions. “Yoongi? Yoongi, I need you to look at me okay?” He sandwiched his face between his hands and tried to catch his eyes. Yoongi shook his head rapidly, eyes still all over the place. “I need you to listen to me. If you can’t look at me then close your eyes.” He squeezed them shut in hopes the roaring panic in his system wouldn’t be able to find him. “I’m gonna press on your chest, and I need you to push back, okay?” He didn't show any kind of response, so Jimin went ahead. He placed both palms against his hyperventilating chest and applied a gentle pressure that compelled him to take longer breaths. “You can breathe, it's okay. Feel that pressure? That’s air filling up your chest. You’re not suffocating, you have plenty of air. You’re okay.” He repeated the affirmations like a mantra. “Deep breaths. Push against my hands for as long as you can.” His chest pressed against his hands again and again, each breath growing deeper and longer. “There you go.”

The sliding door ripped open and Taehyung had Jungkook by the elbow, all but dragging him across the ground. Jungkook yanked his arm free. “What the hell is happening?!”

“You didn’t tell him?!” Jin shouted. Jungkook’s frustration disintegrated when his eyes landed on Y/N wrapped in Jin’s arms and Jimin bent over Yoongi splayed out on the ground.

“I was in a hurry, okay?! I couldn’t think of the words!” Taehyung retorted. Jungkook pointed a shaky finger at her, flashes of a life without her sent his anxiety through the roof.

“Is...is she?”

“No, she’s not dead.” Jin answered his unasked question. “We need you to check her and see if anything’s wrong that we didn’t catch.” Thank God. He could live again.

“Why me?” A stupid question, honestly.

“Because you’re the closest thing we have to a doctor, now get your ass down there and do your thing!” Taehyung gave him an urgent nudge. Jungkook hesitantly knelt by Jin’s side. It almost felt wrong seeing her in such a vulnerable state.

“U-uh...okay. You found a good pulse, right?”

“Yeah, but you need to be the judge of that.” He swallowed hard and pressed two fingers to her neck. “Well?”

“Her pulse is fine, and from the looks of it, her brain is getting enough oxygen.” He pointed at her lips, which were coming back to a healthy peach. “If she wasn’t, her lips and fingernails would be blue.”

“Is she okay?” Yoongi’s raspy voice was barely audible over the din of the party. Jimin managed to wrap the towel around him and his breath was nearing back to normal. The occasional twitch jolted his muscles from the lingering bad high.

“Yeah, just keep her warm and she’ll be fine.” Yoongi’s head fell back against the ground in relief. “Just make sure she stays on her side all night so she doesn’t aspirate.”

“Aspirate?” Jimin inquired.

“Suffocate on her own vomit.”

“Christ. That doesn’t happen a lot does it?” Taehyung asked.

“Enough to have a word for it.”

The door slid open yet again and out came Namjoon, Cheyenne, and Hoseok. “Jiwoo told us what happened. Are you sure she’s okay?” Hoseok spoke first.

“Jungkook said she should be.” Jin replied. “I’m gonna take her home and watch her for the night. Just in case.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

Namjoon carried Y/N in his arms to Jin’s car and laid her down in the backseat, taking care that she was propped on her side. Yoongi and Jin came to the car soon after, the latter carrying a hastily packed duffle bag.

“Yoongi, sit with her in the back and keep her from rolling over.” Jin ordered. The younger gladly climbed into the backseat and readjusted her head on his lap. Jin dropped into the driver's seat and hooked an elbow over his rolled down window. “Joon, I trust you can handle things while I’m gone. I might not live here, but it’s still my party so make sure everyone gets the fuck out by 6.” Namjoon gave him two thumbs up and headed inside when Jin started the car.

~~~

Jin slid his copy of Y/N’s house key into the lock, and the deadbolt snapped open. He pushed the door in for Yoongi, who was carrying her up the steps. The clock on the microwave read 3:45. Surprisingly early for leaving a frat party. “I’m gonna change her into some dry clothes.” Yoongi said.

“Okay, make sure you guy’s hair is dry so you don’t catch a cold.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and disappeared into her bedroom. Jin helped himself to the closet of sheets and blankets and grabbed a pillow from the bottom shelf. Once he was happy with the nest he made on the couch, he slipped in the tiny guest bathroom to wash his face, change, and take his meds. High blood pressure. His mom always said it ran in the family.

A few minutes later, he emerged in a pair of Totoro pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. He eyed the kitchen cabinet that was always stocked with ramen. Yoongi’s gonna be starving when he’s done with her. He set out a pot on the stove and grabbed three packages from the cabinet. “Hey Yoongs,” he padded to her doorway, “I’m making ramen do you want beef or-” His voice quieted when he peeked inside and saw them both in bed. He’d changed her into one of his hoodies and tied her hair in a bun. He laid behind her, arms seatbelting her to his torso, fast asleep. Without context, it was a heartwarming scene. Jin's lips formed a small smile and he eased the door shut, careful not to wake him. “Goodnight guys~”

He plopped onto the couch and plugged his phone into the charger that ran across the floor to reach the coffee table. The second his head hit the pillow he felt himself being pulled under by the current of sleep. He wondered to himself, what was going on in Y/N’s head that was so bad she nearly died just to get away from. She’d never lost control like that before. At least not bad enough for Yoongi to have a whole anxiety attack over. Whatever it was, he prayed it was nothing too horrible because he knew no matter how much he’d try to help, there was no getting anything out of her. That scared him. Hell, it terrified him not two hours ago. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind for the time being, and let his lids droop until sleep overtook him.

~~~

NOVEMBER 9TH

“Haaaaappy Biiiirthdayyyy tooo youu~! Haaappy Birthdaaayy tooooo youuuuu~! Happy Biiirthday dear Yoongiiiiiiii~!” The birthday boy buried his face in his hands out of sheer embarrassment while the group drunkenly sang around the cake in front of him. “Happy Birthdayyy toooooo yooouuuuuuuuuu~!” A birthday party, his worst nightmare. He was never one for birthdays, his family didn’t have the money for that kind of luxury. Every year, his dad would just gift him a pack of cigarettes, grab him by the collar, and give the same drunken speech about how he needs to toughen up if he’s gonna survive in the real world. Y/N carded her fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.

“Make a wish, Yoongi.” Her gentle touch was enough to coax him back to reality. He lifted his face from his hands and studied the three joints stuck into the frosting as candles. He thought for a minute then leaned in and blew the tiny flames out in one breath. Their cheers bounced off the old, bare walls of the abandoned house. Everyone was there, even Cheyenne.

“Finally!” Taehyung and Hoseok pounced on the cake and plucked off the “candles” before ash fell on the frosting. The cake was white with colorful piping on the edges and pink flowers dotting the sides. It was obviously for a kid, which was most likely the reason Y/N and Jiwoo chose it. The room quickly filled with wispy clouds of smoke courtesy of Tae, Hobi, Jimin, and Cheyenne.

“Holy shit!” Cheyenne’s hand flew to her mouth to cover her grin and pointed at Yoongi and Y/N.

“What?” She asked.

“Yoongi’s 18 now! You guys can’t fuck!” Y/N turned bright red and hid her face behind her hands.

“2 months, 17 days and...” Yoongi checked the time on his phone, “10 hours.” He sighed. The time until her 18th birthday. She got held back a year in kindergarten after a nasty case of pneumonia. So, technically, she should’ve been a senior by now. But then she never would’ve met Jimin. Or Cheyenne for that matter.

Y/N leaned her cheek on her fist and observed the spectacle. Her natural smile slowly faded, and corners of her lips grew heavier and heavier. She could feel the curtain of despair lowering over her, suffocating the enjoyment out of the otherwise jubilant moment. The all too familiar mentality settled in her mind that she’d never be happy again, or see life as anything more than some sick joke. Not now. Not now, not now please… She tried to keep it together for everyone’s sake, but the tears were coming any second now.

Under the cover of the noise, she slipped away and into the bathroom on the other side of the house. She eased the door shut with a tiny click. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. The harder she pressed her lips together, the wetter her eyes became. She leaned against the sink, staring into the abyss of the rusty drain. Five hours. Five hours of sobriety and she was already a sobbing mess. She tried. She really did. She wanted to be sober for Yoongi’s birthday so she’d have the memories and not need to rely on pictures and stories the next day. Her and what little self preservation she had left were fighting a war against her demons. And she was losing. Five hours would soon turn to four, then three, then... She stopped from scaring herself any further.

She hurriedly fished out two Zoloft tablets from her black skinny jeans pocket. The bulge of the baggie was covered by her oversized, snow white sweater. Using her phone case to crush them and credit card to scrape the dust into a neat line, she bent down and snorted the powder in one quick sniff. Her head jerked up and she stared at the person in the mirror. Slowly but surely, her face relaxed, her smile returned, and everything felt okay again. She wiped the runny mascara from under her eyes and stepped out to return to the joyful madness.

~~~

DECEMBER

The heated architect’s office provided a welcome contrast to the biting cold outside. Y/N sat behind the receptionist desk, filing the last of a client’s paperwork so she could finally leave. Everyone else had left for the day, leaving her the task of locking everything up. After her emancipation, Jimin’s mom couldn’t have offered her a job at her office fast enough. Hell, she even offered for her to live with them permanently. The work was boring, but it paid better than any other part-time job ever would.

“Y/N!” Jimin quacked from the employee lounge down the hall. He’d tagged along after school to study for midterms with her in the downtime.

“WHAT!”

“ARE YOU DONE YET?!”

“ALMOST!” Were they yelling louder than necessary? Probably, their dynamic accepted nothing less. He popped his head around the corner, his body following suit. There wasn’t anything good to raid from the fridge, so he had nothing else to do but watch her lock up.

The phone on her desk rang, breaking the silence. “Fuck a duck! Do people not pay attention to business hours?!” She huffed aggressively and ripped the receiver off the hook. “Mijeong Park’s office, this is Y/N, how can I help you?” Her voice took a hard right to a bright, singsongy tone, and he had to bite his lip to not laugh. Hearing her speak in such a way he knew she hated brought him pure joy. On busy days it was like watching two personalities fight over their host. “Oh, I’m sorry she just left. Would you like to leave a message?” She grabbed a pen and jotted something down on a sticky note. “Uh-huh. Mhm...Alright, thank you!” She hung up and her face immediately fell back to its usual resting bitch face. She slipped on her coat and threw her messenger bag on her shoulder. “Okay, let’s go.”

~~~

The euphoric ring of the bell signaling that school was over washed over Y/N’s senses. She did it. Midterms were over. Granted, she didn’t study that hard, so she wasn’t expecting the best results. Oh well. C’est la vie. Now all she had was another week before winter break and she was home free.

Yoongi had work, Jimin had dance, Namjoon had football, Jungkook was with his family, and pretty much everyone else seemed to be busy when she texted each one to hang out. Whatever. She’d treat herself to something special.

The clock on her nightstand read 8:50 by the time Y/N stepped out of the steamy bathroom. She did everything; shave, exfoliate, lotion, face mask, hair mask. She scrunched her hair with a t-shirt until the curls were almost dry, leaving the rest of the water to soak into her roots. Yoongi’s Kendrick Lamar hoodie with the word “DAMN.” across the chest in big red letters kept her warm in the chilly apartment. She never used the heat system. It was cheaper and more comfortable to just bundle up. Her black sweatpants had the RIPNDIP cat giving the one finger salute on the side of one of the legs. There was no contest. They were her favorite pair.

The only light that filled her room was from the moon that poured through her open blinds. Long black shadows were projected over the space, giving it a strange yet aesthetically pleasing contrast. She shimmied under her bed to grab the shoe box shoved to the very back against the wall and tossed it on the bed. She climbed onto the mattress and sat legs crossed. The box was full of various paraphernalia she’d collected over the years. Digging to the very bottom, she pulled out a tiny baggie with two white tablets. They were bought a few weeks ago, but had been saved for a special occasion such as this.

She’d always been interested in trying Fentanyl. Just once. To satiate her curiosity. The pills crushed into power nicely. She cut and scraped a small line -- much smaller than the usual line of coke -- on her makeup mirror. This stuff was fifty times stronger than heroin. She wasn’t a complete idiot. Come on.

The line stared back up at her with a silent urgency. Now or never. She put the straw to her nose and snorted up the dust.

She waited.

Nothing.

She waited some more.

Still nothing.

A frustrated huff left her and she reached for her phone to cuss out the plug who had the audacity to sell her fake shit.

She reached for the phone.

The phone.

Get the phone.

Get the fucking phone.

Her mind completed the action time and time again but her body moved at a snail's pace. The last of her strength gave out and she collapsed onto the bed, only to realize, she’d been laying down the whole time. Woah.

A sedated smile spread ear to ear and a string of lazy, incoherent giggles made her diaphragm flutter. At that moment, the entire world shut the fuck up, and she was alone. Truly alone. It was just her inside her head. No depression, no anxiety, no trauma, no mommy issues. Nothing. Just her. It was like walking around in an empty mall. She had the entire world to herself. You know what would be great right now? Music.

She inched for her headphones.

Didn’t move.

She tried to focus on that singular action as hard as she could.

Didn’t move.

Okay...this isn’t really funny anymore.

She tried again.

Her muscles didn’t even flinch.

Tears pricked her eyes and her back broke into a cold sweat. Panic began to make its entrance as her eyes darted around the room for something, anything, that could help her. Her lungs struggled to replenish her oxygen leaving her chest in agony. She regressed back to the terrified, helpless little girl that she ran so far to lose.

She almost didn’t hear the knock at her door over the internal cacophony. She tried to listen for it to happen again. Maybe she was just hearing things. Sure enough, another knock split through the roaring static in her ears. Help! Please Dear God! I'm here! I’M IN HERE!

“Y/N?”

Jungkook.

Oh shit. No. No, no, no, no! Anyone but him!

“Y/N?” Every emotion that she’d freed herself from was dumped over her head like a bucket of ice water when, out of the corner of her eye, the door eased open. Jungkook’s silky head of black hair reflected the moonlight streaming through her window. He almost didn’t spot her from the glare. “Y/N? Are you okay? I felt bad that you were alone today, so I thought I’d stop by and check on you...” She made a barely audible, unintelligible sound. Attempting to raise her voice above a teensy whisper was an exercise in futility. His heart sank at her response. “Oh, you’re in the middle of something. I-I’ll just come back tomorrow.” He turned back around. Wait! No! Please don’t go! Forget what I said earlier! Help me please!

“..d-n’t g-o…” She scraped all the energy left in her body — from the top of her head to the tips of her toes — to say those two words.

Jungkook turned and stared at her stagnant figure. Wow. She must be really high. “Alright, come here.” He sat on the bed next to her and helped her sit up. Her head rested on his shoulder. His arm was the sole thing keeping her upright. He took a deep breath and thought about what he planned on telling her when he got there. He might as well practice now since she wouldn’t remember anyway.

“So uh...about me being with my family… That was a lie.”

“Mmm..?”

“I went on a date. Well, not really, but I really like her and I think she might like me too..” His cheeks blushed a little at the thought. “She’s a great friend, so if it doesn’t work out I hope we still have that.” He grew more confident with his words the more he talked about her. “I think you’d like her. She smokes weed and stuff for pain, but she does it recreationally too.” Her silence finally caught his attention after the mention of weed. He giggled a little. “Did you fall asleep?” When he turned to look down at her, she slipped past his shoulder and slumped onto the bed. The impact of the mattress didn’t stir her in the slightest. “Y/N?”

He shook her shoulder.

Nothing.

He shook harder, the familiar fear germinating in the pit of his stomach.

“Y/N?”

Nothing.

Fear festered into horror as each attempt failed. Tears blinded him while he turned her on her back and roughly patted her cheeks. “Y/N?! Y/N, wake up!” His heart dropped past his stomach and onto the floor. Her lips and fingernails had turned an unhealthy shade of indigo and her breathing was dangerously shallow. No. This wasn’t real. It had to be a nightmare. It had to be. “Please wake up!!” He couldn’t stop saying her name in hopes that it would somehow magically awaken her. Her declining state said otherwise.

“Don’t leave me!” He pulled her onto the floor and straddled her hips, pulling his phone out to dial 911 in the process. His hands lined up with one another over her heart and jumped into action pumping her heart for her.

“Just stay with me! Please!”

“Blood oxygen at 60%!”

Jungkook had to be ripped from Y/N’s body as the team of EMTs swarmed around her. One of them lifted her lid with a gloved finger and flashed a penlight in her eye.

“Pupils are constricted! I need 2mg of Narcan!”

He was shoved out of her room and forced to watch from the doorway while the first responders stuck her with needle after needle. They slipped an oxygen mask over her lifeless face. The world seemed to slow with every jagged breath he took. His eyes unfocused and his hearing grew fuzzy except for the faint sound of his hammering heart. All was quiet in the eye of the storm. Then, the air left. Every atom of oxygen was sucked from the world with no regard for his existence. He fell to his knees gripping his throat and chest, his lungs screaming for air.

“..........d!……..id!……..Hey, kid!” He was snapped back to reality when large hands pressed into his shoulders. He darted his red, watery eyes to the paramedic restraining him to the floor. “You need to calm down!” His kicking, screaming and crying had been silenced by the ringing in his ears. A sharp pinch pricked his side and before long, he stilled as a wave of serenity washed over him. It was like someone flipped his off switch.

“What… what did you give me..?”

“Just some Valium to help you relax.” He felt his body sink into the floor, being pulled further into the abyss of slumber. He fought his lids open despite their growing weight, but it was no use. They drooped closed and all the chaos and fear gave way to darkness.

The harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital pierced Jungkook’s lids pulling him back into consciousness. He was stretched out on a firm sofa with a simple heart monitor clipped to his fingertip in what looked like an ICU room. The soft beeping of an EKG drew his attention to the bed next to him. He got to his feet as fast as he could with the Valium still lingering in his system and raced to Y/N’s bedside. The bittersweet excitement of getting to see her went completely sour when he took in her state. She’d never looked so frail and delicate before. Dark circles sunk in her eyes with rings of yellow on their border giving the illusion of two black eyes. Her lips were chapped and bleeding. Countless tubes and IVs protruded from her body which only stressed the severity of her condition further. Yet, despite her broken appearance, she never looked so peaceful.

“Good. You’re up.” He spun around. The voice came from a doctor standing in the doorway clipboard in hand. “I’m Dr. Lobrano, I’m the one in charge of your friend’s case.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s stable, but the stress overload caused her to slip into a coma so her body can heal itself to its full extent.” Jungkook’s face paled. “Now, I’m not saying it’s 100%, but most opioid coma patients wake up and make a full recovery. Physically, that is.” “How long will that take?” He took in a calculating breath.

“It’s hard to say. It could take three days or three weeks. Every case is different” His heart sank for the nth time that night. He looked over his shoulder at her motionless figure under the sheets. The only thing that told she was even alive was the soft, steady beep of the EKG. He could hardly bear to look at her. It was like seeing Superman fall from the sky. She was his Superman. Whether she believed it or not didn’t matter because it was true. “I hate to bother you during such a stressful time,” he pulled a pen out of his pocket protector, “but I need you to answer a few questions about our friend over there.” He pointed the end of the pen at her.

“U-um, okay.” Dr. Lobrano took a seat in the chair facing the sofa which Jungkook had retaken his seat on. He clicked the pen against his knee and held it at the ready.

“Next of kin?”

“Her parents, but she’s emancipated.” He nodded and silently jotted something on his clipboard.

“Siblings?”

“No.” He looked up.

“Extended family?” Jungkook opened mouth to answer when he realized -- she didn’t. She had no one. From what he’d caught over the years he knew her mom was an only child and her dad’s only brother died when he was in college. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. No one.

“Not that I can think of. No.”

“Okay...any other significant relationships? We need someone to sign off on her paperwork and consent forms in case anything happens.”

“But it won’t, right?” He clicked his pen.

“As a medical professional, I’m legally obligated to tell my patients and their loved ones the truth. And the truth is, your friend over there took an almost lethal dose of Fentanyl. And with her age and weight? I consider myself a man of science, but that’s a miracle if I ever saw one. However, just because she made it past those first critical hours doesn’t mean there’s zero risk of other complications that may arise later on.” Jungkook nodded, trying to take in the information as stoically as possible. He didn’t want the doctor to see how he really felt on the inside.

“How old are you?”

“I’m sixteen, sir.”

“Do you have anyone you can call who’s at least eighteen that can sign for her?”

“Yeah, her…boyfriend” The weight of his circumstances hit him like a bus. The thought of anyone else hadn’t even crossed his mind until now. How the hell was he supposed to tell Yoongi that the only person keeping his life together was in a coma from almost killing herself?

“Then I suggest you give him a call as soon as possible, and if you don’t have any other questions I should finish making my rounds.” He gave a distant nod and was left alone with Y/N once again. His eyes were drawn back to the subtle rise and fall of her chest. A long sigh of anguish left his lips and he buried his face in his hands.

“What am I gonna do?”

~~~

Jungkook stared at Yoongi’s contact in his phone. His thumb hovered over the call button. He knew he was about to hurt him worse than anyone ever has in his life. It was going to kill him. He forced his thumb down on the screen. The dial tone counted down the seconds before the heartbreak. It stopped after three rings.

“Hello?”

“....”

“Kook?”

“Yoongi…” His voice began to quiver, “Yoongi, something bad happened.”

~~~

Jiwoo laid in bed on her stomach with her feet swishing in the air. She held her phone to her ear with her shoulder while she painted her nails their usual black chrome. “You should listen to Never Know by Bad Omens. I bet you’d like it.”

“You think?” Taehyung’s voice came from the other end. Before she could answer, she heard Yoongi in the living room on the phone.

“Woah, woah, calm down. What happened?” Silence.

“Jiwo-?”

“Sh!” The silence stretched for a good four seconds. She jumped when Yoongi came barreling down the hall to his room like a bat out of Hell and came back out with his jacket slung over his arm. The front door opened and slammed shut. Within seconds, his car peeled out of the driveway. The roar of his engine quickly dissipated in the distance.

~~~

Jungkook bounced his knee in anticipation. It had been almost ten minutes since he called Yoongi and there was still no sign of him. He was beginning to worry something might’ve happened to him on the way when the door swung open sending the doorknob colliding into the wall. Jungkook shot up and immediately broke down in tears when he laid eyes on Yoongi’s familiar face. Yoongi rushed to catch his crumpling body and hugged his head to his chest. Jungkook sobbed like he never sobbed before. Every emotion he’d kept bottled up since the moment he found her in her room spilled out onto Yoongi’s grey hoodie.

His heart — along with every other function in his body — stopped when he saw Y/N. She’d never looked so broken and it tore at his insides to even look at her. It didn’t feel natural. It didn’t feel real. There was no way this was the girl he loved.

When Jungkook’s cries diminished to a sniffle, Yoongi gingerly took him off his chest and approached her bedside. He tentatively placed his hand over her cold one. IV needles were sunken into each of her wrists and one on the back of her hand. He drew a shuddery breath. “What-....what did she take?”

“Fentanyl.” Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut trying not to dwell on it.

“Is she gonna be okay?” He knew it was a stupid question. Of course Jungkook couldn’t answer that.

“I don’t know.” Jungkook muttered.

“Did they say when she’d wake up?” Jungkook winced at his question. He must’ve been in shock to assume she even would.

“Yoongi,” the older turned to face him, “Y/N’s in a coma.”

~~~

Yoongi and Jungkook stayed the night in the spacious ICU room with Jungkook passed out on his little couch and Yoongi pulled up a chair next to Y/N’s bedside. He stayed awake all night watching her. It wasn’t that he thought something would happen if he fell asleep, he just couldn’t bring himself to leave her. Even if he may have still physically been there.

Breaking the news to everyone the next day was hard. Hearing their reactions over the phone was harder. ICU patients were only allowed to have three visitors per day —excluding Yoongi—so he was forced to decide who would get to see her first. He decided to just go by age.

Jimin and Taehyung arrived within five minutes of getting the call. Yoongi was waiting outside her room when the two came flying down the hall. They skidded to a stop and Yoongi had to hold them back with his palms against their chests. “Hold on, hold on. You can’t see her just yet.”

“Fucking why not?!” Taehyung shouted.

“Yeah, what the hell?” Jimin added.

“The doctor said that it helps to talk to coma patients, so we’re taking turns visiting her alone. Jungkook’s in there right now.”

~~~

Jungkook sat in Yoongi’s chair beside the hospital bed. His fists balled against his knees trying to think of something to say.

“Y/N…..I’m…. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I took your pills. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I watched this happen and didn’t get you help.” Tears pooled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry...You're my hero Y/N….You probably don’t think so, but if I never met you...” He choked, “I don’t-...I don’t think I’d be alive right now.” His lips quivered trying to form the words. He’d never said anything like that out loud before. “You’re the only person who makes me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve never felt more loved and wanted than when I’m with you. You’re the strongest person I know. You always make sure I get all of my work done and eat right even when you can barely take care of yourself. It sounds useless, but it’s those reminders that reassure me that someone actually cares. If you go I-...I don’t know what I’m gonna do. But it’s not gonna be anything good.” He put his head down on her thigh and cried. “I need you, Y/N. I need you so much it hurts.”

~~~

The three in the hall jumped to their feet when the door finally opened, and Jungkook stepped out. His eyes and nose were puffy and red from hours of stop and start tears. Jimin pulled him into a soft hug which he gratefully accepted. “Okay Tae, you’re next.” Yoongi said. Taehyung thought for a second.

“No. Jimin should go. He’s known her longer than I have.” Yoongi looked from Taehyung to Jimin who looked up in surprise.

“That’s fine.” He said. Jimin gave Taehyung a thankful look and entered the room.

He drew a hard breath when he saw her. Her hospital gown washed away the color of her cheeks that once gave her a youthful glow. “Oh, Y/N…” He put his hand to his heart and sat down. “What happened to you?” The dark circles under her eyes popped against the blank canvas of her face. He slipped his hand under hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You can’t be doing this to yourself. You scared me. You scared us.”

He spent a long time just looking at her in silence. He couldn’t find a way to put his emotions into words. “God, you’re so gorgeous. Even when you're wearing a paper gown with bags that rival a panda’s.” He reached and twirled a piece of her hair in his fingers — something he did a lot when they relaxed together. Her usual bouncy coils laid in dull, limp waves against her shoulders. “You almost left me. You can’t do that, because you’re stuck with me. And there’s nothing you can do to change that. Wherever you go, I’ll follow, whatever you do, I’ll copy. We’re in this together, so your ass better wake up so we can fuck shit up until we’re old and grey, scaring kids on Halloween together.” He giggled, but it slowly turned to whimpers. He wiped tears from his cheeks with his sleeves. “You’re my best friend, N/N. I don’t know if I can handle it if you go.” He took a sniffly breath. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you. Even if it was in different ways, but I always have.” He sniffed and his voice cracked under the emotion. “You deserve the world, you deserve someone who loves you the way I know you should be loved. That’s why I was so happy when you met Yoongi, because I knew he was perfect for you. He worships you, Y/N, kisses the ground you walk on. And I can rest easy knowing you’re in the best possible hands. Don’t worry about me though, I’m happy loving you in any way I can.” Tears patted on the bed sheets when he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek. “Please come back to us.”

~~~

An hour passed, and Jimin emerged from the room. “Finally! I was starting to regret giving up my turn.” Taehyung stood. Jimin and Jungkook held hands and Yoongi stripped his leather jacket off. The extra layers were starting to get to him. He looked up and saw Taehyung still standing there.

“What are you lookin’ at me for?”

“C-can I go now?” Yoongi chuckled a little.

“Of course you can.”

~~~

It took a while for Taehyung to eventually gravitate to the chair beside her. He mainly stood near the door and stared at her for the first five minutes. Another twenty went by of him just sitting in the chair with his hands clasped between his knees. “Listen uh...I’m not good at this whole sentimental thing, so if it’s true that coma patients remember what they hear, don’t judge. I know I get on your nerves a lot and tease you, but I do it ‘cus that’s just how I show love.” He looked down. “Truth is, you’re like a sister to me, Y/N. I always wanted an older sister to annoy, and when I met you it felt like I’d found my missing piece. Nobody in my life ever stays long, but you’re the one constant that I could hang on to. No matter which girl left me or friends I lost, I knew I could always count on you to be there, ready to go along with whatever I wanted.” He chuckled at the tears brimming in his eyes. “Look at this shit. You got me cryin’.” He roughly wiped his eyes with the collar of his hoodie. “Well, that’s my spiel. Wake up soon. I need somebody to roll their eyes at my jokes again.” He stood and wiped his palms on his sweats. His fingers twitched at his side as he peered down at her. Hesitantly, he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. “Get better, sis.”

~~~

The next day was Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jin’s turn. Namjoon, unsurprisingly, got there at the exact time Yoongi texted him to. He came in carrying a to-go cup of coffee with the Starbucks logo on the sleeve. Immediately, he pulled Yoongi into a quick hug before he could protest. “Here, I know you’re not sleeping.”

“Thanks.” Yoongi took it with a small smile. Namjoon wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t slept a wink since he got there, and it was starting to show. His raven hair hung in glossy clumps and he was starting to develop his own set of dark circles. “You can go in whenever you’re ready.”

Namjoon stepped in and closed the door gently behind him. “Hey, N/N.” He sighed and took a seat in the chair that he dwarfed with his long legs. “I know you probably could care less, but I’m gonna take care of your homework for you until you get out of this. That is, if you don’t wake up by Monday. Anyway, uh, Cheyenne couldn’t make it. She’s at a tournament in Las Vegas, but she sends her love. Maybe when you wake up, you can FaceTime her. She’s really worried about you, y’know. Even if you guys haven’t seen each other for years.” He gazed at her almost as if he was waiting for her to respond. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Normally, I always know what to say, but….with you there’s just so much to be said I can’t think straight, so I thought,” he fished a small book out of his coat pocket, “I’d read you some poetry instead. I know the guys have probably talked your ear off, so it should be a nice break from it all.” He cracked open the book to one of the pages he’d marked with a sticky note. “I’ll start with this one, since I know it’s your favorite.”

Life is unpredictable,

It changes with the seasons,

Even your coldest winter,

Happens for the best of reasons,

And though it feels eternal,

Like all you’ll ever do is freeze,

I promise spring is coming,

And with it, brand new leaves.

- Erin Hanson

~~~

Hoseok was already in the hallway when Namjoon finished up. “How’d it go?” He showed him the book in his hand.

“Just some reading. She always likes that.” Hoseok gave him a nod and circled around him to take his place.

He took a seat and rested his elbows on the mattress. “Hey...God, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to do this. I’m not used to one sided conversations.” He gave a tiny chuckle. “I was a mess when I heard about your accident...I mean, Fentanyl, Y/N? Fentanyl?? I know how bad that shit’s reputation is and when I heard you ODed on it, I was certain you were dead. It took five minutes for Yoongi to calm me down and say you were alive.” He eyed all the tubes and machines she was hooked up to. “Although it doesn’t really look like it….Fuck you scared me, Y/N. Don’t you ever do that again.” He grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You hear me? You’re the only one who knows how bad my coke problem really is. In fact, no one else even knows I’m bipolar. Only you. Because you’re the only person I feel comfortable talking about it with. So please, don’t scare me like that again. I don’t expect you to come out of this clean as a whistle. Hell, I don’t even expect you to stop snorting your prescriptions. That’s why we need each other. We can work on ourselves together. I know you’ll wake up. I just know it. And I’ll be waiting with a big ass bag of all your favorite candy and movies when you do. So, you just focus on healing that body of yours and get back to us as soon as you can.” He gave her a kiss on the hand and another on her forehead. “Love ‘ya.”

~~~

Yoongi eyed the book Namjoon had set on one of the chairs lining the hall. He picked it up and leafed through it. “Hey, Joon?”

“Yeah?”

“You think I can borrow this for a bit?” He looked over to see what he was talking about.

“Yeah, of course.” Yoongi continued to flip through the pages when Hoseok stepped out and shut the door behind him. His eyes were misty and his voice was a little nasally.

“That was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.” He scanned the hallway. “Is Jin coming?”

“He’s coming around six after he gets off work.” Yoongi said, not looking up from the poem he was in the middle of.

“Oh, okay. Well, I have practice later so I’ll try to come visit again as soon as I can.” Hoseok gave each of them a hug and took his leave.

“I can stick around if you want, Yoongi.” Namjoon offered.

“No, no. I’m okay. There’s really not much you can do here. I’ll call you if anything comes up.” He stood again and Namjoon gave him another parting hug. “Thanks for the book, by the way.”

“No problem. I’ll see you later.”

Yoongi took his spot in the chair by Y/N’s bed and delved back into his book. As he went along, he wrote poems that reminded him of her on the hospital stationary from the bedside table. He didn’t read them aloud. He found it hard to believe that talking would actually help. His life hadn’t been fortunate enough for him to believe in anything more than cold, hard facts. He wasn’t one for talking anyway, and he knew neither was she.

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until Jin came knocking with a duffel bag in his hand. “Who’s that for?” Yoongi asked.

“You.” Jin said as he tossed it at him. He dropped the book and caught it against his chest. “Now go shower while I talk to my baby because I know you haven’t. You don’t want Y/N to wake up and have you smelling like ass.” He had him there. He stood up with a sigh and took the duffel to the connecting bathroom.

Jin turned and felt his heart sink at the sight of her. It hurt to see her like this and not be able to do anything to help. “I hope you’re feeling okay in there.” He sat on the edge of the bed by her thigh. “I can’t stay as long as I’d hoped, so I’ll have to make this quick. I know you probably don’t want me boo-hooing over you, so I’ll try to keep the tears to a minimum.” He rubbed the smooth tape securing the IV in her hand. “I’ll never forget that time I found you curled up on the floor, in the middle of your living room, so depressed you couldn't walk. I had to bathe you and tuck you in bed. I even fed you soup even though you said you could do it yourself.” He smiled softly. “I know I have to take care of you sometimes when you can’t do it yourself. And that’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help every once in a while. That’s my job. We always joke about how I’m your guys’ momma, but it’s true. You’re the reason I realized how much I want to be a dad one day. Believe me, if I could take care of you for the rest of my life I would, but I don’t think you’d care for that too much.” A small tear slipped past his guard and dripped down his cheek. “Sorry,” he wiped it away, “but you can’t blame me. I’m worried about you, Y/N. I don’t know what drove you to do this, but I know you tried your hardest to fight it.” He squeezed her hand. “I want you to know that I’m not mad, I’m not disappointed. You were trying to take your pain away. I just wish you could’ve told me how much you were suffering. Even if you want to spare me the stress and heartbreak of it all, I’d rather know you're in pain so maybe I can help you. Please don’t hide like that again. I need my little gremlin around to give me grey hairs before I hit thirty.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the head. “And you’re worth every single one.”

The door to the bathroom opened and Yoongi stepped out rubbing a towel over his hair. “Sorry, I tried to take as long as possible.”

“It’s fine, I need to be going anyway.” Jin stood and gave Y/N one last glance. “I’ll be waiting for you, kiddo.” He turned to Yoongi. “You gonna be okay here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Have you talked to her yet?” Yoongi paused. “You should. Even if you think it doesn’t do anything, you’d be surprised what comes out.” With that, he took his jacket off the chair and closed the door behind him.

~~~

The clock read 11:50 by the time Yoongi finished his book. He set it on the bedside table with a sigh. Over a dozen notes were taped to the railing in a long line of comforting messages. It was surprising how much it helped him take his mind off the worst. But now, he had nothing to do but wait. He let out another long sigh. “I’m sorry I haven’t talked much. It’s just hard not being able to hear your voice...I figured if I tried to say anything I’d fucking lose it, but it feels like I already am.” He rested his forehead in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. “Jesus...what am I gonna do? If you go, I don’t know what I’m gonna do to myself. It scares me...One of the nurses told me you’d be going to a better place, but I don’t care if you’re going to a better place, I need you here.” He sniffed. “And I know that’s wrong, but I need you in this shitty ass world because I can’t survive without you.” He tried to blink the brimming tears out of his eyes, but it was no use. “There’s no one else in the world I’d rather be with than you. I don’t know how you made me like this, but I don’t ever want to change. I love you. I love you so fucking much I don’t know what to do with myself. I love the little things about you the most. I love that one curl that you hate because it goes the wrong way, how you’re not afraid to eat twice as much as me, how you grab my shirt in your sleep, how you walk in the grass with a flashlight during the summer so you don’t step on any frogs.”

The steady beep of the EKG was the only response he got. “Please don’t leave me. Please? No one’s ever made me feel this good before. And if you leave...if you-...” His head sank as he tried to hold back his tears. “It’s just- It’s easier to smile with you because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I-I look at you and I-....I’m home….Please, I don’t want that to go away.”

~~~

Yoongi didn’t remember falling asleep, but he woke up with his head resting against Y/N’s hip. He blinked away his sleepiness and tried to read the clock. 6:20. He groaned. Stayed awake two nights in a row and didn’t even get so much as six hours. Despite his suspicions, he did feel a lot better having talked to her. It seemed to bring her a little closer to him in these God awful times.

She was looking better. The dark circles were fading and the color was returning to her lips. It lifted his spirits to see she was visibly healing. He called Namjoon to bring him another poetry book. The stuff was really starting to grow on him. Of all people.

Other than a visit from Jungkook, Jiwoo, and Jimin, the day was pretty uneventful. A few nurses came in to take her vitals and stretch her joints, but he wouldn’t necessarily consider that an event.

“Here’s a good one.” Yoongi leaned forward in his chair for her to hear.

I don’t think you will

Ever fully understand

How you touched my life

And made me who I am.

You are the keeper of my dreams,

The man who holds my heart,

The one I want to spend my life with,

The one with whom I will always stand.

Stand beside through thick and thin

Through all that life throws our way

Knowing that this special love we share

Will guide us each and every day.

I don’t think you could ever feel

All the love I have to give,

And I’m sure you never realize

You’ve been my will to live.

- Stephanie Schiavone

~~~

The light of dawn shone through the thin curtains that billowed in the breeze coming from the open balcony door, casting the spacious bedroom in a golden glow. Yoongi shifted under the white, linen sheets and stretched out his spine like a cat. He cracked an eye open and took in the view of Y/N’s bare back on the other side of the bed. The fabric only came up to her hips and was pulled around to her chest with her sleeping hands. Her hair swept over the entire pillow scattering her curls every which way.

He ghosted his knuckle down her spine and back up again, repeating the action until her slender shoulders stirred. She let out a small, airy groan and dug herself further into the mattress. Birds chirped in the lush trees swaying outside with the coming morning. Yoongi scooted closer until her back was flush against his chest. The heat between their skin was a welcome sensation that seemed to fill his heart with even more love. If that was possible. He slipped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She wriggled again when he started peppering her with kisses up and down her neck and cheek. He finally brought his lips to her ear. “Wake up.”

~~~

Y/N’s eyes drifted open and fluttered against the cold lights of the ICU room. She looked down at her IVs and around the room groggily. Yoongi was asleep on the edge of the bed with his head resting on his folded arms. It broke her heart to see how tired he looked. Dark bags marked his red, puffy eyes from hours of vigil. Tears welled in her eyes and her lips drew into a pained frown as the memories of her night flashed in her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to silence her hiccups. Her head sank back into the pillow and hoped it would just swallow her whole. There was no way she’d be able to face anyone after what she did. Oh God. Jungkook. Instant guilt and shame washed over her when she realized what she put that poor boy through.

When her eyes cleared enough to see, she noticed the dozens of messages littering her bed and side table. She took one off the railing with a shaky hand. It was in Yoongi’s handwriting.

When I first met you

I remembered you

From a hundred different dreams

And there you were

For me to love

All over again

For the very first time

- Atticus

A smile crept onto her lips as she read each one.

Your eyes.

Your eyes hold everything

My soul thirsts for.

- Paul Perry

She read another.

You gave light to my soul

You helped me to be whole

I have felt love for you before

And it will be more and more,

You are mine, my dear

You are the angel from above

Who taught me how to love.

Please, forever keep me near.

- Anonymous

~~~

The feeling of his hair being carded through slowly coaxed Yoongi out of his dream. He peeked an eye open. Y/N was mindlessly playing with his hair while she intently read one of his notes. “Oh my God!” He jumped onto the bed and cupped her head in his hands as he attacked her with kisses wherever he could land them. “You’re awake! Holy shit, you’re awake!” He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I thought I lost you.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Her hoarse voice was like music to his ears. He let himself laugh for the first time in the longest three days of his life. She looked up at him and he finally got to see those e/c eyes that he missed so much. Another wave of kisses washed over her that concluded with a final long, heated kiss on her lips.

“I’ve been waiting to be able to do that again.” She giggled and pushed against his chest.

“Get off, creepo. If the nurses saw you like this you’d get kicked out so fucking fast.”

“Oh shit,” he jumped off, “I need to tell them you’re up!” She watched in amusement as he ran out the door, then frantically popped back in.

“I’ll be right back!”

~~~

Everything that happened next flew by in a blur. She nearly suffocated under the hugs and kisses and gifts she was bombarded with. She was transferred to a standard room where she was allowed to have as many visitors as she wanted. Her entire day consisted of catching up with everyone, watching movies, and lots, and lots of Jello. Most of her IVs were removed which allowed Yoongi to curl up beside her that night.

The next evening, Jungkook was visiting her when Dr. Lobrano stepped in with his usual clipboard and pen. “Hey you two. If you don’t mind, I need to speak with Miss Y/N for a few minutes in private.”

“Oh..okay.” Jungkook reluctantly got up and left the room, stealing a glance on his way out.

“So?” She asked. The doctor folded his hands in front of him and looked down for a bit.

“I’m afraid there’s one thing about your condition that I’ve yet to mention.” She sat up straighter, her stomach churning.

“What is it?”

“When you first arrived at the ER you had major vaginal bleeding, so we did some tests...” Her heart stopped. “You were pregnant, but I’m afraid the shock of your overdose also caused you to miscarry.” It felt like she got punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson. All the air was sucked out of her lungs.

“P-pregnant..?”

“I’m sorry. I wanted to give you some time to catch up with loved ones before I informed you.” Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and her eyes darted back and forth trying to make sense of it all.

“H-how far along was I?”

“About three weeks.”

“Does...does Yoongi know?”

“I’m leaving you the choice to decide that. Once again, my deepest condolences.” He left her to process the news in privacy.

She collapsed onto the bed, her sobs coming out in hiccupy squeaks. Her hands gravitated to her stomach and tried to imagine the little being that used to be there. Three soft knocks sounded from the other side of the door. It slowly opened and Jungkook peaked his head in. “Y/N? Are you okay?” She only stared up at the ceiling. He approached her bedside. “....Y/N?” Her eyes eventually found him and filled with more tears.

“Can you hug me?” He immediately sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her up into a hug. Her shoulders quivered and she gripped desperately at his shirt.

“Hey, it's okay. It’s okay…” He stroked her hair and rested his chin on the top of her head. She cried, and cried, and cried until nothing else came out. Jungkook held her until her sobs faded, and her body leaned against his chest. He gently laid her down, taking care not to wake her up. Her peaceful face was a stark contrast to the tears that wet her cheeks and reddened her nose. Whatever the doctor told her must’ve been pretty damn bad to have her asking for a hug, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

Y/N was still asleep when Yoongi stepped out of the shower. Moonlight that came from a small window lit his path to her bed. She stirred when he climbed in. “It’s me. Go back to sleep.” He whispered. The sheets were pulled over their bodies and she rolled onto her side with her back to him. He took the opportunity to pull her closer. His face nestled on her shoulder and he let out a long sigh of contentment. She clenched her muscles to suppress her whimpers, but it was no use. He lifted his head to look down at her. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Her eyes clamped shut and a choked sob escaped her chest.

“I killed our baby.”

~~~

It took a long time for Yoongi to wrap his head around what she told him the night before. When he finally put two and two together, he immediately turned her around so she was facing his chest and pulled her in as close as he possibly could. He was absolutely distraught, but only a few silent tears of shock came out as she sobbed into his shoulder all over again.

They slept late into the afternoon until they were woken up by a beaming Jimin. “Wake up, sleepyheads! It’s your discharge day!” Yoongi scowled at the unwelcome noise and lazily swatted at him. Jimin grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit up straight. “Come on! Don’t you wanna get out of here?”

“Gimme a minute before I punch you.” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. Jimin circled around to Y/N’s side and played with her hair.

“Y/Naaa, wake uuuup~” She cracked an eye and glared at him. “Oh, don’t give me that look too. It’s noon, and you’re supposed to check out at two. Let's get a move on.”

They spent the better half of an hour watching TV while Yoongi packed up the duffel Jin brought him. Y/N brushed her teeth in bed and spat the toothpaste in a cup when she was done. “Here.” She handed it to Jimin who took it and rinsed it out in the sink.

There was a knock at the door and Dr. Lobrano stepped inside. “How’re we feeling today?”

“Fine, I guess.” she shrugged. “I’m just ready to go home.”

“About that. It’s come to my attention that you have a history of suicidal behavior, and while it’s not my position to judge, I also can’t rule your overdose out as a suicide attempt.” “What?” She was dumbfounded. How could that be any of his business? “I wasn’t trying to kill myself!”

“But did you or did you not have any concern for your safety when you took that Fentanyl?” She pressed her lips into an angry thin line. She was angry because she knew he was right. She knew the risk and she did it anyway.

“What are you getting at?” Yoongi stepped in.

“According to California law, overdose victims are required to participate in a mandatory 28 days of rehabilitation. And since you’re also a danger to yourself, your treatment will have to be in a psychiatric facility.”

Y/N, Yoongi, and Jimin’s jaws dropped. There was no way he was serious. Right? Her heart beat faster, and faster, and faster with every memory of St. Joseph’s that flashed in her mind. “No….no, no, no!” She clawed at her IV and yanked it out of her hand. She threw the sheets up and made a mad dash for the door, but two male nurses stood ready to catch her. “NO! NO! NO! I’M NOT GOING BACK!” They hauled her back on the bed and tried to pin her kicking legs down. Her screams brought another team of nurses rushing in with a set of bed restraints.

“What the hell are you doing to her?!” Yoongi shouted. One of the nurses turned and put her hand to the boys’ chests.

“You two need to leave, right now.” They were shoved outside the room and forced to watch the crowd of people struggle to hold Y/N’s thrashing body to the mattress so the restraints could be slipped on. Jimin held his hands to his mouth and stared through wide, teary eyes.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! I CAN’T GO BACK! YOONGI!” It felt like someone stabbed him in the heart when she desperately called out to him. He could hear the terror in her voice.

“YOONGI!”

Pain filled his entire body and he bit the inside of his lip, visibly restraining himself from lunging forward and ripping her from the restraints that she jerked so furiously against. “YOONGI! PLEASE DON’T LET-'' A nurse sank a syringe into her hip and her legs quickly ceased their kicking. Y/N fell silent.

Yoongi stood like a statue and stared at the only half of her that he could see. “Yoongi, I-” he ripped his shoulder away when Jimin placed a hand on it and stormed away. He didn’t stop until he got all the way to his car in the parking lot. The door slammed shut behind him and he was left in silence. His forehead fell against the steering wheel and he let out a long breath.

A single whimper escaped his chest.

Then another.

And another.

Loud, hiccupy sobs wracked his whole body as he white-knuckled the leather wrapped wheel. One especially aggressive wave had him hugging himself in a bawling heap. He hadn’t cried like this since he was little, hiding in the closet from his dad’s drunken rage. It was scary how quickly he lost control, and he knew there was nothing he could do to get it back.

#bts x reader #bts angst #bts fanfic #bts fic #yoongi x reader #yoongi fic #yoongi angst #namjoon #bts seokjin #yoongi #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts sad

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amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines · 3 years

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Reggie//i can't let you go now that i got it

Request: your last reggie mantle imagine was soooooo cute it was.... BIG FAV i'm still grinning! could you please do one where reader and reggie have been best friends their whole lives? she's super protective and sweet to him and like? she's been in love for years but has been hiding it well?? she gets him to come away with her to college because 'screw this town' and they live together? but eventually she starts going on dates and it makes him realize he's in love with her too?? mutual love confession

hey! so before you go any further trigger warning mentions of abuse, specifically around reggie and his dad. it’s not in detail but it is mentioned a few times so don’t read if that upsets you. the last thing i want you to be is sad. i hope you all have a good day anyway, whether you’re reading this or not! (title is from Børns ‘electric love’)

- For 18 years

- Reggie Mantle has been the only constant in your life

- Even when you were babies he was there

- Your mom’s sat beside each other in baby class, cooing and awing over each other’s kids

- All while 6 month old you stole 6 month old Reggie’s toy

- And then he cried so hard he vomited on not only himself but you as well

- Which then made you cry even louder

- And then your mom’s were asked to leave

- So instead

- It became a weekly thing for your mom to take you to The Mantle’s

- While her and Mrs Mantle gossiped and drank tea

- You and Reggie would hit each other with various stuffed toys.

- As you got older

- The weekly visits turned into daily ones

- Especially when you moved three houses away from him

- You and Reggie started to see each other more than your own parents did

- Your mom still went over once a week

- But when she arrived you were always usually there

- Either stood in the kitchen getting a snack

- Or lying on Reggie’s bed watching an awful movie he just ‘had to show you’

- They usually involved a hybrid of two animals

- Sometimes mythical, sometimes not

- But in all of them they were usually taking over the world

- They also always had the same four actors in

- But despite how much you protested

- ‘reggie? are you being serious? we watched this one last time.’

- ‘no, we watched molemaid last time. this is medusamaid. they’re completely different’

- ‘oh, sorry. my mistake’

- You actually secretly loved them

- Because they made him happy

- You would watch in awe as he laughed at stupid jokes

- And how his eyes would always light up at a particularly gruesome part, no matter how badly CGI’d it was

- You also listened to the countless of theories as to how ‘hurrik9’ is clearly the prequel to ‘hellhounds’ because ‘they’ve got the same main character! it doesn’t matter if they’re not played by the same person. y/n, they’ve got the same name.’

- You also listened to him complain about the inconsistencies between ‘werewombats 1’ and ‘werewombats 2’

- ‘no matter how much the director stands by the decision to make them turn on each other, despite the first film clearly stating that that’s the last thing they’d do.’

- But the thing you loved the most about it

- Was that he was only ever this way with you

- You’d been sworn to secrecy when you walked in on him watching ‘dinocano vs uniquake’

- And you promised never to tell anyone about his secret passion

- Or the fact that he had a stack of notebooks filled with plots and mini scripts for his own films.

- Reggie may have gotten popular

- But to you, he’s still the same Reggie you’ve always known.

- Whose scared of clowns but won’t admit it

- And cried when watching Edward Scissorhands but if anybody asks it was you

- And who hates hot chocolate, but its the only thing he’ll drink when he’s sick

- He also only eats pink marshmallows in months ending in R

- And white ones every other month

- But in December he has both...because its Christmas.

- Yeah, you and Reggie are best friends

- Always have been, always will

- But it doesn’t stop you from wanting more.

- It doesn’t stop the longing looks when you think no one is watching

- Or the lingering touches whenever he hugs you

- It doesn’t stop your heartbeat picking up whenever he walks into a room

- Or how you forget how to breathe whenever he looks at you

- You look forward to everyday, even if you have a pop quiz or homework you only remembered the night before

- Because he’s going to be there to make you smile

- Even if he isn’t doing it on purpose

- You look forward to the countless of texts he sends

- No matter how weird or ridiculous

- Like when he text you at half three in the morning to ask if birds were real because somebody told him they weren’t.

- You then got a text straight afterwards telling you that it would be great idea for a plot

- And you still answer every single one

- No matter how stupid they are

- It’s really a wonder how you get any sleep with your phone being on loud all the time

- But it’s worth it

- Especially when you get texts like

- ‘he’s done it again’

- Reggie’s relationship with his father complicated to say the least

- You remember when you were younger they used to be best friends

- Reggie idolized him

- And you’d have conversations in Reggie’s tree house, about how much he wanted to be just like his dad when he grew up

- But when he did grow up

- And started to develop a personality that didn’t just revolve around football

- Reggie no longer wanted to be just like his dad

- He wanted to be the furthest thing from him

- The first time it happened

- Reggie tried his hardest to hide it from you

- And for the first time in 8 years

- You went two days without seeing each other

- On the third day though

- You’d had enough

- So you went round to see him

- But when you asked his mom if he was in

- She lied and told you he had just gone out

- Even though you could clearly see him trying and failing to hide on the stairs

- So you did what any normal friend would do

- You climbed through his bedroom window

- With about as much grace and steal as you could muster

- Which surprisingly, wasn’t a lot

- And you gave him the fright of his life

- ‘what the hell are you doing here?’

- ‘you’re avoiding me’

- ‘i’m not. i’ve just been...busy’

- ‘doing what? fighting?’

- ‘what?’

- ‘your eye’

- ‘oh yeah...that’

- That was when you knew something was wrong

- You’ve known Reggie your entire laugh

- And you know the three things he’ll always boast about

- Girls, football and fighting

- ‘what happened?’

- When he told you

- You couldn’t believe what he was saying

- You wanted to find Marty Mantle and give him a black eye...see how he likes it

- But Reggie begged you not to do or say anything

- ‘it’ll only make it worse’

- ‘but its wrong. he should be locked up’

- ‘who’s going to believe me?’

- ‘me’

- ‘see...it was only one time anyway’

- So you agreed, reluctantly

- And you so wanted to believe it

- But then a few weeks later he turned up to school with a bust lip

- A month after that another bruise around his eye that he tried to hide behind sunglasses

- And by the time graduation rolled around

- Both of you had lost count of the sunglasses and excuses

- For three years he’d been trapped in a house with a father who thought hitting was the same as love

- And a mother who pretended it didn’t happen

- But now college was round the corner and that meant a chance for both of you

- Or at least thats what you thought

- ‘you didn’t get in?’

- ‘i didn’t get in.’

- ‘to any of them?’

- ‘nope’

- ‘reggi-’

- ‘it’s fine. my dad has always wanted me to work for him. i guess this will make him happy. even if i am the cleaner’

- ‘reg-’

- ‘please go’

- That summer was the longest one of your life

- It was even longer that the time Reggie had to get his appendix out and so you couldn’t hang out for a 3 weeks.

- For two and a half months

- You heard nothing from Reggie

- You text, called, DM’d and even E-mailed

- But you got nothing

- You went round at all times of the day to try and talk to him

- And every time Mrs Mantle answered and told you he was either out or busy

- Doing homework was her favourite excuse

- And Reggie has only ever done homework when you were doing the majority of it

- You even tried climbing in through his window again

- But he locked it

- So you watched every morning as he dragged himself into his dad’s car

- Wearing a stiff suit and a miserable expression

- No matter how hard you tried to get to him before the left

- How fast you ran or how early you got to his house

- They were always long gone before you managed to get anywhere close to him

- You missed the midnight texts about nothing

- You missed his stupid jokes

- You missed watching an entire room light up whenever he walked in

- You missed the way he made you feel, even if he was unaware of it

- You even missed watching his god-awful movies

- You just missed him

- And when he missed your leaving party

- That was the final straw

- At 7am the next morning

- You shoved the last of your boxes in the back of your car

- Said goodbye to your parents

- And drove away

- Three houses down the street

- Making sure your parents had gone back inside before stopping

- You sat outside for a few minutes

- Trying to think of what to do or say

- You knew his mom would answer the door

- And that you’d get the same excuses

- You also knew from the past few experiences that his window would still be locked

- So you threw rocks at his bedroom window in the hopes that when he’d check to see what it was, he’d leave it unlocked

- And he did!

- You watched from behind a bush as he hung his head out the window to look around

- His brow furrowed and hair messy

- Clearly he’d just woke up

- You couldn’t help the smile twitching at your lips

- You’d missed that face

- Climbing the window was a lot harder than it used to be

- Mr Mantle had taken the ladders away

- Another reason as to why he sucked

- But you managed eventually

- And you almost died only twice

- Which is good

- It’s better than three

- You landed on the carpet with a loud thud that made him jump half way across the room

- ‘y/n. what the hell are you doing here?’

- ‘it’s moving day. and i must say i’m very disappointed at the lack of preparation on your part. have you even started packing yet?’

- ‘it’s not funny y/n’

- ‘i know. do you see me laughing?’

- ‘i’m being serious y/n. just leave’

- ‘no’

- ‘what?’

- ‘the last time you told me to leave, i listened and i didn’t see you for two months, so no’

- ‘what about college’

- ‘what about it?’

- ‘it starts in three days’

- ‘i know. and if we stand here any longer we’re going to miss it. so get packed and lets go. it’s a nine hour drive and i’m not doing all of that alone’

- ‘you know i can’t go’

- ‘says who?’

- ‘my dad, every single college i applied for and me’

- ‘listen to me reggie. you are my best friend, you have been since we were babies. there’s not a part of my life you haven’t been in. do you really think that would stop at college?’

- ‘we didn’t spend the summer together’

- ‘and it was the worst summer of my life’

- ‘same...but that might have been because i was spending 12 hours a day in an office’

- ‘rude. but i’ll take it!’

- ‘i did miss you though. it was weird not seeing your face everyday’

- That makes your cheeks heat up and you have to force the flutter in your chest to go away

- ‘it always cheers me up’

- There it goes again and you want to claw at your chest until it’s no longer there

- Hope is a terrible thing to have when you’ve been in love with your best friend for your entire life

- ‘you always cheer me up’

- Oh dear...

- ‘i love you...a-as a friend. this summer has been the longest and most depressing for both of us. i don’t want to live the rest of my life like that. i need you reggie. so please pack your bags, say screw you to your dad and to this town and lets go’

- ‘what about money? where am i going to live?’

- ‘we’ll figure that out on the way there. just hurry up’

- And he did

- You and Reggie threw the majority of his belongings into any bag you could find

- He took all the money he’d been saving out of the poorly disguised fake plant

- And wrote a nice little note for his parents

- You also may have added a few choice words to it

- But what Reggie doesn’t know won’t hurt him

- And the two of you climbed into your car and never looked back

- The 9 hour car ride was the most fun you’ve ever had

- It was like you were trying to fit the entire summer you’d lost into those few hours

- It was filled with off key singing

- And stories of your summer

- His favourite being about Archie being tricked into going skinny dipping by himself

- You laughed loudly like nothing had happened

- And cried silently because everything had

- Thankfully when you arrived on campus, it was already night

- So you managed to sneak Reggie into your room

- And when you nervously told your roommate

- She just grinned at you

- ‘it’s fine, my boyfriend will probably be staying over a lot too’

- ‘oh, he’s not my boyfriend’

- ‘we’re not together’

- ‘...okay’

- She said with a knowing smile and you and Reggie shared a look

- And a year filled with adventures started

- Reggie got a job as a bartender with a little help from Veronica

- And you started your classes

- But nothing is ever easy

- At least not when it involves you or Reggie

- It turns out hiding a whole human is a lot more difficult that you anticipated.

- It involves Reggie squeezing into your closet

- And a whole team of people to get him to and from the showers

- But it was also difficult for another reason

- Because it was easy to hide your feelings from him when you lived in separate house

- But now you’re sharing a room

- And a bed

- And every time he would wrap his arms around you

- And pull in for a half asleep cuddle

- You’d forget how to breathe

- You’ve never been more excited to wake up

- Because he’d be all messy hair and parted lips with just a little bit of drool coming out of them that it would be cute instead of gross

- And when he said good morning in the same deep, tired voice

- You wanted to live in that feeling forever

- But then 2nd year rolled around and everything changed

- It all started when you moved into your own apartment

- You knew you had to but there was a part of you that hoped you could keep everything the same

- You found a tiny, two bedroom flat that you could both just about afford

- Reggie was so happy to have his own room

- ‘i won’t have to sleep next to you and your freezing cold feet anymore’

- ‘i’ll just sneak into your bed when your fast asleep and put them on you then instead’

- ‘i thought we were supposed to be friends’

- It took a few weeks to get used to an empty bed

- But eventually you started to sleep properly

- And it was quite nice to have your own space again

- It meant you could study without having to listen to ‘nighthawk nightmare’

- Honestly, you don’t really know what the plot of that one is

- But you’ve still seen it 7 times

- You may be in love with him but it doesn’t mean he can’t be annoying sometimes

- And you were happy with going back to admiring from afar

- Your heart can’t get broken that way

- In fact a small part of you thought he felt the same way

- That one glimmer of hope you felt a year ago

- Came back all of sudden

- And soon

- You became aware of the lingering touches

- And the gifts he’d buy you just because

- He also asked what you wanted to watch for your movie night

- And he’s never, ever done that unless you were sad or sick

- And even then, when you broke your arm a few years ago, he chose the film

- The way he looked at you suddenly felt different

- You would feel him staring, but when you would check he would always be scrolling through his phone

- And you’re sure the was a little bit of flirtiness in his tone whenever he spoke to you

- But just because you think you can’t be burnt if you stand far enough away from the fire

- Doesn’t mean that the sparks can’t jump out and get you anyway

- Because all of sudden Reggie started bringing girls home

- And every time you saw a t-shirt that wasn’t yours on the sofa

- Or a pair of shoes discarded by the door

- You felt yourself die a little

- After a few weeks of this

- Something in you snapped

- You’d spent the majority of your life pining after some boy who saw you as nothing more than a friend

- And sometimes a small part of you thought as just an escape route

- So you moped for a few weeks before deciding it was finally time to move on

- Reggie would only ever see you as a friend

- And that’s fine

- The only way to move on, is to move on.

- So you waited for the right guy to move on with

- And there were a few

- But none of them were right

- Until you met Daniel

- Sweet Daniel with curly brown hair and dimples

- Who studied history

- And spent his days sitting in the coffee shop on campus

- For a few weeks the two of you spent your short interactions stealing glances and exchanging shy smiles

- That evolved to small talk with flirty undertones

- Until finally he asked you out

- And you said yes

- And you kept saying yes to each date afterwards

- They were fun too

- He’d take you to museum's and on picnics and at night he’d pick you up and you’d go star gazing

- He would make you laugh when he’d tell you a joke

- And make you blush when he’s whisper in your ear while staring up at the sky

- But he wasn’t him

- And that killed you

- It doesn’t matter how many time he takes you to watch some unknown indie film thats supposed to be the greatest thing ever made

- It has nothing on standing outside the only cinema in town that’s showing ‘sharkcano vs tigerana’ in the freezing cold with Reggie wearing an absolutely ridiculous costumes that Reggie threw together last minute and somehow roped you into wearing too.

- But what hurt even more was watching how Reggie acted around you when you and Daniel started dating

- He looked hurt whenever he saw the two of you together

- And you would watch him roll his eyes whenever you mentioned him

- Until eventually he would just avoid you all together

- Do you know how hard it is to avoid someone when you’re living in the same 2 bedroom flat that barely gives two foot to yourself?

- It’s hard

- But Reggie finds a way

- Eventually you’re more roommates than friends

- And you really don’t know how much more you can take

- You feel like you’re about to break

- And Daniel can see that too

- So on Friday night he invites you to go drinking with him and his friends instead of staying in and moping

- ‘bye, i’m going out’

- ‘wait’

- The speed of which he runs from his room and into the living room where your stood, startles you to say the least

- ‘what?’

- ‘don’t go out with him.’

- ‘why not? what ever george has told you about is a lie. george does that. he once told a bunch of people that you streaked in an old people’s home and almost killed his grandmother’

- ‘because he isn’t me’

- You’ve dreamt of those words

- Built them up in your head for years

- But in all of your daydreams, there’s never been a scenario like this one

- Not one where you’re about to leave to go on a date with another guy

- ‘reggie? what are you talking about?’

- You need to make sure he’s saying what you think he’s saying

- Because you can feel yourself hoping again

- And you know if he doesn’t mean what you want him to

- You don’t think you’ll be able to recover

- ‘i love you y/n. you’re my best friend, you always have been, you always will be and i love you.’

- ‘reg-’

- ‘please tell me you feel the same way’

- ‘i-’

- In your head you had a full oscar worthy speech planned out just in case this ever happened

- But now you’re here in the moment.

- You have no idea what to say

- ‘it doesn’t matter. just leave’

- ‘no’

- ‘what?’

- ‘do you really think i’m going to walk away from you after that? when have i ever walked away from you?’

- ‘i-no’

- ‘i love you too by the way. if you care’

- ‘shut up...wait really?’

- ‘yes i do. i’ve loved you for as long as i can remember so are you going to just stand there or are you going to kiss me?’

- ‘i’m definitely going to kiss you’

- ‘good’

- And he does

- He’s standing in front of you before you can catch your breath

- His hands reach up to cup your cheeks

- His lips part as he stares down at you

- And you’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he’s looking at you

- Like you’re everything good and light in the universe

- And like he’s also been waiting just as long for this moment

- Maybe he has

- Maybe he’s been waiting all his life for this

- He just didn’t know

- You feel whatever breath you had left leave your lungs

- His lips are soft against yours, but he gets his point across

- And you’ve never been happier

- All the heartache and tears

- The laughter and stupid jokes

- The 3am texts

- The constant worrying

- The early mornings and late nights

- The damage to limbs from trying to fit in tiny closets

- And the scrapes on your ankles and bruising on your legs from crawling through his bedroom window

- They’re all worth it

- ‘are you still going on your date?’

- ‘what do you think?’

- ‘good. because they’ve just released werewombats 3’

#reggie mantle #reggie mantle imagine #reggie mantle x reader #reggie mantle x you #reggie mantle x y/n #reggie #reggie imagine #reggie x reader #riverdale #riverdale imagine

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bbyboybrock--archived · 4 years

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The New Hampshire House (Trap House Imagine)

Summary: You and the trap house boys decided to travel to New Hampshire for a week to film Sam and Colby’s new series. Trouble arises on the first night.

Written: 2020

Word Count: 2,250

Warnings: Swearing, murder, haunted house

Masterlist

Slowly sliding through the mist came a faint human-like figure and went into the new house. I shrugged it off as my imagination and helped the guys carry everything inside.

When Sam, Colby, Jake, and Corey invited me on this trip, the last place I expected to be was in a haunted house in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire. I knew we would be doing the typical stuff for the week: haunted overnights, explore videos, and midnight rituals. What I didn’t know is that they lied to me about our lodging situation. I was told we were going to be staying in this nice Air BnB in a cute little neighborhood. They even showed me pictures. But when we flew in Colby announced to me, because he had already talked to everyone while I was asleep on the plane, that there was a problem with the original house and he had to book this one last minute. We’ve been at this house for about 20 minutes and let me tell you, Bradford, New Hampshire looks and feels creepy.

“Y/N, come in the living room, we have to talk.” I heard Sam shout from probably the living room.

“Coming!” I exclaimed. I walk into is what I think is the kitchen and spot Colby walks into a different room. I follow him and find everyone sitting around together.

“Y/N, we have to get a few things for this week and we need you to stay here and set up some stuff,” Sam explains when he sees me.

“What? No way! I am not staying in this creepy house by myself! Why can’t we all go or one of you stay we me?”

“We’re going shopping for food and supplies for the week. The rental is small and we need to get a lot of things.” Colby explains, patting the seat next to him for me to sit.

“Sure leave the four of you in charge of getting the food we’re going to be living on for the next week. You know what, I’m willing to put feminism back a few years for this. I’m the woman here and I’m probably going to be doing all the cooking anyway. I’ll go grocery shopping, Jake can stay home.” I sit on the armchair by myself and cross my legs; I’m not going out without a fight.

“Y/N, you know if we leave Jake, we’ll never get the deposit back.” Corey jokes.

“Fine, then you stay Ye Rock.”

“Fuck that, I’m not staying here.”

“Then why do I have to?”

“Please, Y/N, we’ll all owe you big time. We’ll be gone for an hour—two hours tops. We just need someone to charge the equipment and double-check that we have everything.” I throw my hands up and sink into the couch. There is no way I’m going to win this argument.

I wave goodbye to everyone as they pull out of the driveway. I scan the street one more time before locking the door. We’re really the only house out here. Nothing but dirt and trees for miles. If I didn’t know any better, I would think we were in the middle of the suicide forest. I check all of the equipment that Sam and Colby left behind for me to charge. I stay downstairs for 20 minutes after that before going upstairs to my room to unpack a bit. I close the door and start putting my clothes away.

Knock, knock, knock.

I go and open the door, knowing that I’m the only one home, to find nobody there. It’s probably just one of the guys trying to scare me. Maybe they wanted to get a prank video done and make me the subject of their torture. I close the door and go into the closet to start putting some clothes on hangers again. I see a box probably, from the owners, tucked away in the corner. I know I probably shouldn’t open it, I’m a guest in this house. But my curiosity gets the best of me and I get the desk chair and climb on it to reach the shelf. After a few misses, I grab the old dusty brown box. I blow the dust off and open it to find old newspaper articles about this house.

THE DAILY NEWS: MAN MURDERED IN HIS OWN HOUSE

Mark White (Age 37) was murdered in his home today. He suffered head wounds and had multiple stab wounds. His wife (Arianna White, Age 35) found him dead in the family room with the possible murder weapon. Police officers found no fingerprints on the evidence…

Out of all the houses in the area, Sam and Colby had to choose the murder house. They probably did this on purpose. I go through the box I see pictures of a man and a woman, probably Mark and Arianna, standing in front of the house. Then I pick up another newspaper article.

DAILY NEWS: WOMAN MURDERED IN HER HOME

Arianna White (Age 35) was murdered in her home today. She has suffered gunshot wounds to the head and chest. Mrs. White’s husband was murdered last month in the family room and his wife was found there dead. Her children found her dead when they came home from school and called 911. The family was in the process of moving.

They have to be fucking with me. There is no way that this group of people, the group that is always doing spooky shit, just happened to book an Air BnB where two—possibly more—people have died. On top of that, them leaving me home along with wouldn’t be a coincidence either. There have to be hidden cameras around the house. How did I find the one room in the house that conveniently just had this box in it?

“No, absolutely fucking not. Nope. Fuck you guys. I’m over this, you picked the wrong bitch.” I shout to nobody in particular and put the box back. I grab my laptop and head to my bed to binge the series I started yesterday.

I must have been tired because I fell asleep while watching the show. It’s dark now and the house is unusually quiet. I sit up and turn on the light to look for my phone. I grab it and unlock my phone to a text from Colby saying that they dropped off the groceries but had to head out for something. He said that they didn’t want to wake me up, so they left without me and would come back with dinner. I rolled my eyes and head downstairs. I pass by the thermostat on the way down and turn on the heat. For the middle of summer, it’s oddly cold.

When I get to the kitchen I check to see what the four dumb asses managed to get us for provisions. Surprisingly, they got things that we can have for actual meals, on top of snacks. I grab the stovetop popcorn and begin to make it. I turn around and hear a loud crash behind me. The bags on the dining room table were now on the floor.

“Y/N,” I heard a faint voice say. This has to be a prank. They guys have to be home and hiding filming me somewhere.

“Get out of our house, Y/N.” Now I hear two faint voices one sounded like a man and the other sounded like a woman. This getting weird. Maybe they hired a woman to help prank me. Or maybe one of them finally nailed their fake woman voice.

“You guys can stop now! I’m actually scared so you won. You come out and welcome me to the prank war.”

“Nobody’s here, Y/N. No one is going to help you.” The voices are getting closer.

“I’m never doing another video with any of you, ever again. If you don’t— if you don’t come out right now I’ll move out.”

“Then leave!” Something else falls somewhere else in the house, causing me to scream and jump back into the hot stove. If it’s not the guys, then the ghosts of this house are still here holding a grudge against their killers. I start getting goosebumps and the hair on the back of my neck as I turn off the stove.

“Sam, Colby, Jake, and Corey you better fuck off right now!” I yell as I start running to my room. This house is huge it’s easy to get lost.

While I’m running things are flying and falling behind me. I’m going to kill them when I see them. After what seems like forever I finally get to my room. I lock the door and slide my back down it. I grab my phone from my back pocket and dial Colby’s number. As I call, I feel things getting thrown at the door.

“Hello—”

“Are you guys fucking with me right now?” I ask as I move myself to the closet.

“What do you mean? We’re not even home right now.” He sounds only mildly panicked, I don’t even know if he’s faking or not.

“Cole Robert Brock, are you and your asshole friends somewhere on property pulling a prank on me?” The banging on the door stopped and I poked my head out of the closet door.

“No, we’re on our way home from a witchcraft store for some ritual ingredients that we couldn’t find at the store. What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, things are weird here and I’m over—” A loud bang at the door causing me to scream louder than I think I’ve ever done in my entire life.

“Oh, shit. Okay, we’ll be right there.” I hear Colby and everyone else running in the background. I don’t know if it was my scream or if they heard the bang in the background, but now they’re done fucking around.

Colby stays on the phone with me while I go back to hiding in the closet. A few minutes later I hear footsteps approaching my door. When the footsteps get close enough, that when the loud banging started up again, causing me to scream.

“Oh, fuck, sorry. Y/N, it’s just us, open the door.” Colby says on the other line.

I take a few deep breaths and open the door to reveal my idiots, scared out of their minds. I drop my phone and wrap my arms around Colby. I didn’t even realize I was crying until Colby hugged me back and started stroking my hair. Normally, I hate it when he does this because his rings get stuck in my hair, but right now I just need this hug from my best friend.

“What the fuck happened to the house?” Jake asks, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean? It was your guys’ prank.” I pull away from Colby and look at the four of them in disbelief.

“Uh, not it’s not. The box in your closet, the stuff in your bathroom, and the two dummies outside are our pranks. All this other shit was all you.” Corey says, picking up broken glass and dropping it on the floor.

“No, it wasn’t. Do you honestly think I’m that good of an actress? I broke character like two months ago when I tried to convince Sam that Colby fell into a ditch the last time we did an overnight. Do you genuinely think I could sit here, screaming and crying for fun? Or that I would somehow have the time to break all that shit and stage the knocking on my door.” I wipe my face and step back to finally let the boys in my room.

“She’s not wrong guys, she does share a brain cell with us. I don’t think she could pull this off. She didn’t even know we were coming here until this afternoon and she can’t think that fast.” Jake says before flopping himself on my bed.

“You know what Webber, I may be scared, but I’m not scared to throw these hands—”

“Guys! Let’s think about this. Couldn’t it have been an earthquake or something? Or the movement of Y/N running. It’s a pretty old house.”

“It can’t be an earthquake dude, I’m pretty sure New Hampshire hasn’t unlocked those yet,” Corey explains.

“Okay, first of all, Sam I’m pretty sure you called me fat but I’ll deal with that later. Second, Corey, you’re so fucking stupid, I swear to God. I’m constantly worried about your well being. And thirdly, Colby either you’re sleeping in here with me or I’m sleeping in your room with you because I refuse to sleep alone tonight.” I explain, sitting down on the floor.

“Wait, can we talk about this seriously. If none of us set up this prank, then who the fuck did. Do you think the owners of this house are doing this? Because if they are, I vote we get the fuck out right now.”

“Why would they even do that?” Sam asks, now joining me on the floor.

“To scare us before they murder us, brother,” Jake says jokingly from my bed.

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Corey says from the door.

“Can we be serious for one second—” Sam is cut off by the lights going out, covering us in a deep velvet of pitch black. Not even the windows are helping. All five of us scream but dare not move.

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capsteddybear · 3 years

Text

Our Playlist: ** Body Party - Ciara

**Chapter contains smut.

Song lyrics: "The things I wanna do to you, My body's calling you, I'm having so much fun with you".

Chris was away filming for work majority of the time after your little spring break getaway. However he was able to come home for a couple of weekends to spend time with you and Dodger. With it being the end of the school year you were busy with final exams, playing tests, and performances.

====== ===== =======

"Hey, why the sad look?" you tilt your head at the computer screen trying to make Chris smile.

He sighs, "because I'll miss your performance tomorrow night. I know how hard you worked and I really wanted to be back home to support you."

"Don't beat yourself up about this. You've been to all of my other performances."

"Yeah I know, I just didn't want to miss one." You stay silence and just look at Chris through the screen. "(y/n)?"

"I love you, Chris. Now can you not be sad anymore? You're gonna make me sad.... and then I'll start crying and you're not here to hug me." Your voice starts to crack towards the end of that sentence.

Chris leans closer to the computer screen, "shh, shh. (y/n) stop. Sweetheart, stop. I'll be home soon to give you all of the hugs you need." You lay your head down on the desk, "Sweetheart, can you please look at me?" You sit back up and you have a big smile on your face and you start to laugh. "(y/n) !! Were you fake crying?"

You lean back in your office chair and start laughing harder, "Yes."

Chris shakes his head and tries not to smile, "you suck."

That just makes you laugh harder, "Aww, come on, I know you wanna laugh. That's why I did it to make you laugh and not be sad."

Chris tilts his head at the camera, "how was you crying supposed to make me laugh? I don't like seeing you cry."

"No, me laughing right now. You're supposed to be laughing too, but I can see you're a little annoyed so I'll stop." You slouch in your chair and roll your lip in and give Chris puppy eyes, "sorry."

Chris shakes his head, "you're such a dork."

"I'm not a dork, you're the dork."

Chris scrunches up his nose, "Nah, right now you're being the dork."

You sigh, "okay fine, I'm the dork."

Chris laughs, "you make a pretty cute dork."

You frame your face with your hands on your chin and close your eyes, "Aww thanks."

Chris leans back on his chair and places his hand on his chest, "I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you too, Chris." You let out a light yawn and you try to hide it, but Chris notices it.

"Hey, I should let you sleep. You have a busy day tomorrow."

You pout at the computer screen, "I guess this is good night then?"

"Yeah, I'll be home in a couple of days. Don't worry."

"Okay, I love you, Chris. Good night."

Chris blows a kiss to the camera, "Good night, (y/n). I love you."

You smile and close the computer. You yawn and stretch in your office chair before turning off the lights and head to bed.

===== ======

The next morning you sleep in. You don't have any classes to teach today so you have the day to relax before the concert at night. You decide to take Dodger on a walk after breakfast. You drive to a city park near downtown. While walking around you pass the baseball stadium and decide to buy a pair of tickets to a game for you and Chris to go to.

When you get home you get a text from Chris:

'Hi (y/n), hope you have a good day. I love you, sweetheart.'

You snuggle up with Dodger on the couch and snap a photo and send it to Chris with the caption:

'Dodger and I miss our favorite cuddle buddy. We love you.'

'I love you guys so much.'

You study your music score in your office as Dodger keeps you company by laying on the couch with his favorite lion.

After an hour of score studying you take a shower and get ready before heading to the university. You drop off your stuff in the dressing room before heading to the auditorium to meet with your students to do a light rehearsal and tweak anything that needs to be fixed. After a bit of rehearsing you take a break and let your students relax before the show. You head back to the dressing room and as soon as you walk in your see a bouquet of flowers next to your bag. There's an envelope in the flowers and it has your name on it. You sit in the chair and open up the envelope.

' hi sweetheart, sorry I couldn't make it tonight. I really wanted to be there to support you in person. I know you're gonna kick ass. You always do. I'm so proud of you, (y/n). I love you so much.'

You touch one of your flowers and your phone starts to buzz. You look at the screen and it's Chris.

"Hello?"

"Hi, have you gone to your dressing room?"

"Yes. I got the flowers and note. Thank you, Chris."

"I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too."

"I gotta go, just wanted to make sure you got the note."

You touch the flowers again, "yes and they're beautiful."

"Just like you."

You feel your face get warm from blushing, "you're such a dork. I love you."

"I love you, sweetheart. Bye."

"Bye."

You relax for a little while more before changing into your concert attire. One of your colleagues knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hey, just checking if you're almost ready."

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

She closes the door and you take one last look in the mirror and fix your hair before heading to the stage. The auditorium seats are full and your students are all seated. You introduce yourself and talk about tonight's program. You turn to the podium and take a deep breath before getting into position to conduct your students.

The concert couldn't have gone any better. You were so proud of your students and all of their hard work. After the concert you head to the lobby to greet people and thank them for coming to the concert. You go out for a late dinner with your colleagues to celebrate the end of another school year before heading home.

As soon as you get home you take a shower to help you relax before heading to bed. You check your phone and see a missed skype call from Chris. You lay on the bed and dail his number.

"Hi"

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were asleep already… I notice you took another shower without me."

You giggle, "am I not supposed to shower when you're gone?"

"No, I just miss showering with you."

"Aww, I promise we'll take a shower together as soon as you get home."

Chris raises his eyebrows, "pinky promise?"

You cover your face with your hand, "yes, I pinky promise."

"Yay. Sorry I wasn't there tonight. How was the concert?"

"Stop apologizing, Chris. It went great."

"Okay, sorry. Glad to hear it went great." You yawn and rub your eyes, "aww, baby. I'll let you sleep."

"I know I usually fight you and say I'm not sleepy, but I am tonight."

Chris laughs, "it's okay, I need to get some sleep too. I gotta wake up early tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, Chris. Good night."

"Good night (y/n)".

You put your phone on your night stand and fall asleep snuggling up with Chris' pillow.

==== ======

The next morning you're woken up by the sunlight creeping through the blinds. You turn away and quickly find a comfy spot and fall back to sleep. Now that it was officially summer break you didn't have to wake up early for work.

You're asleep on your stomach and you feel the bed dip. You're awaken by a light kiss on your shoulder. You shake from shock and you hear Chris giggle, "good morning, gorgeous."

You quickly roll over on the bed and rub your eyes until your vision is clear. "Oh my god, Chris!" you sit up and plant kisses on his face and hug him tight. "What are you doing home so early? I thought you were coming home later tonight."

"I missed you too much. I got an earlier flight." Chris kisses you and rubs your back.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Me too." Chris squeezes your hand and gets up from the bed. "Now come on, you owe me a shower."

You scratch your head as he tugs your arm, "but I just woke up, Chris."

"Exactly! A shower with me is the best way to start your morning!" he winks at you and you can't help but smile.

You get out of bed and follow him into the bathroom. You're still rubbing your eyes as he turns on the shower. Chris turns back around and can stop smiling at you.

"Hmm?"

Chris walks up to you and wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you. "Nothing, just really happy to be back home with you."

"So am I."

Chris raises his eyebrows, "really?"

You bite your lip, "uh huh." Chris' hands travel down to your ass and squeezes your cheeks before smacking them. You jump and bury your face into his chest and start to giggle, "Hey!" Chris has a smirk on his face. You glare up at him and stick your tongue out. He laughs and kisses you again. "We should get in the shower, Chris. Don't wanna waste the hot water."

He kisses down your neck as his hands travel back up to the bottom of your shirt. "you're right. We should get undressed then." He tugs on your shirt and you break the kiss just long enough for your shirt to pass between you two. The next article of clothing to go is Chris' shirt. You both fumble with the buttons but successfully get it off and your lips are back on his as you help him undo his belt and pants. Chris pulls you closer and grabs your ass again as you moan against his lips.

"Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Shower."

Chris moans and removes the remainder of his clothes and helps you out of the rest of yours. He takes a second to admire your body before kissing you again. "You look so beautiful, I love you."

"I love you too, now can we get in the shower? I'm getting cold."

Chris laughs and gives you a quick kiss, "I know how to warm you up." He slaps your ass as he guides you into the shower.

"Chris!"

He laughs as he follows you into the shower. He cups your face and kisses you as the warm water runs down your back. Chris helps wash your hair. Being extra careful not to get shampoo in your eyes. He takes his time massaging and scrubbing your body. Specially around his favorite parts of you. Your breast and your ass. You giggle and kiss him as he continues cleaning you. You stand behind him and scrub his back. You plant light kisses on his back and shoulders and you hear him moan as he relaxes. Chris turns back around to face you and he kisses you as his hands travel down your body. You moan against his lips and his hand stops right above your mound, "May I?"

You bite his lip and moan, "please."

Chris' hand moves lower and slowly rubs your lips. You moan against his lips and your hand lightly grasps his dick. He moans against your lips as he pushes you against the shower wall. the cold surface makes you shiver, but that's short lived when Chris rubs your clit and you whimper out his name. You massage his dick and he moans. His other hand travels up to your breast and he lightly pinches your nipple. You hiss and speed your motions on his dick. Chris kisses down your neck to your sweet spot. At the same time he pushes one of his fingers into you. You whimper against his lips. Having his hands on your body after a long period of time of him being away is taking its toll on you. He slowly fingers you as you continue massaging his dick. He bites your neck and adds another finger into you. The feeling of his fingers inside you is amazing that you stop massaging him, but he doesn't mind. He's too focused on pleasuring you. You wrap your arm around his back as your other hand grabs his forearm. He stops moving his fingers and breaks the kiss, "you okay?"

You nod your head, "Mmm more than okay, keep going, baby…. Please."

Chris goes back to kissing you and starts moving his fingers again. You moan against his lips. "You like that, baby?"

"Yes, baby. I love you. I love you so much." You tug on his hair and scratch his back.

"You close, sweetheart?"

"Uh huh, please. Baby, make me cum."

Chris uses his thumb to rub your clit in tight circles as he fingers you faster. You whimper out his name. You clench around his fingers and he can tell you're close.

He kisses your neck, "cum for me, baby. Let go. I got you, baby."

You scream out his name as you come undone. Chris quickly wraps his other arm around your waist to keep you up right as his other hand continues to pleasure you through your orgasm.

"Oh shit, baby. Ahh right there. I love you so much. Ahh."

"That's it baby. I love you."

You whimper out his name and squeeze his forearm signaling him to stop. He slowly removes his fingers from you and you lean back against the wall catching your breath as Chris plants light kisses on your lips as he cleans your lower half again. He turns off the water and helps you out of the shower. He grabs a towel and wraps it around you.

"I love you, Chris."

He wraps himself in a towel, "I love you too, (y/n)." He plants a kiss on your lips. He helps dry your hair and you keep smiling up at him.

"What is it?"

"Happy birthday, handsome."

He leans in for a kiss, "Thank you."

He finishes helping you dry and change into clean clothes before heading to the kitchen.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

He tilts his head, "sweetheart it's 2 in the afternoon."

"Okay, well then, what do you want for lunch?"

"Pancakes."

You put your head down, "pancakes? Then why does the time of day bug you?"

"It doesn't, I just like giving you a hard time." He leans against the counter, tilts his head and smiles.

You sigh, "okay, birthday boy. Pancakes coming right up."

Chris scoots close to you and wraps his arms around you, "I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too, birthday boy. Welcome home."

After your late lunch you cuddle up on the couch with Chris to watch TV.

"Oh, I have a present for you. Hang on, I'll be right back." You plant a quick kiss on his cheek and take off running to the bedroom. You come back to the living room with your hands behind your back hiding the present. "Close your eyes please." Chris holds his hands out and closes his eyes. You sit next to him on the couch and hand him the present. "Okay open them."

Chris opens his eyes and sees an envelope. "Well it can't be lingerie…. Or can it?" he raises his eyebrows as he rips it open. "Ooo, tickets to see the red soxs…. Tonight?"

"Yes. Happy birthday, handsome." You kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, I love it and I love you." He kisses your lips before standing up. "Come on, let's get ready."

"Okay okay, let's go."

You and Chris get ready for the game. "You can't go to a boston game without reppin' the team." He lets you borrow his baseball jersey and one of his Boston hats. "Okay now you're ready for the game. Let's go."

You jump in the car and head downtown for the game. Chris' hand rests on your thigh and he lightly rubs your thigh with his thumb.

Chris parks the car and he opens the door for you to get out. He holds your hand as you guys walk to the stadium. He kisses your cheek every once in awhile and his thumb rubs the outside of your hand as you wait in line to get in.

He leans over and whispers in your ear, "I love you."

You squeeze his hand, "I love you too."

You make it into the stadium and you guys make a beeline to the snack bar for beers and nachos. You guys then head to your seats to watch the game. Seeing Chris enjoy the game makes you happy.

"Thanks for the birthday present."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you're having fun."

"I am, I always have fun when I'm with you."

"I love you, Chris." You lean in for a kiss.

"I love you, (y/n)."

You enjoy the rest of the baseball game with Chris before walking to a nearby sports bar for dinner. The bar is packed, but luckily there's open seats at the counter. You order wings and Chris orders a burger and a couple of beers for you guys. After dinner you guys walk around downtown to let your food settle before heading back home.

As soon as you guys get home Chris tossed his hat on the night stand and flops onto the bed and kicks off his shoes and socks. You stand at the doorway and smile as you kick off your shoes and socks as well.

"Please tell me you're not sleepy yet, I have another present for you."

Chris quickly sits up on the edge of the bed and raises his eyebrows, "another present?"

You bite your lip, "uh huh." You pull out your phone and scroll through your playlist, "Ah, found it." you hit play and 'body party' by Ciara starts playing. You turn it up as loud as it goes and place it on top of the dresser. Chris can't keep his eyes off of you as you start dancing for him. He bites his lip as you slowly unbutton your short shorts. You slowly shimmy out of them to the beat of the music. You dance closer to Chris and he starts getting antsy. You give him a smirk and he bites his lip. You toss your hat off and straddle his lap. He leans forward against you and kisses you. He places his hands on your hips as you continue your lap dance. You tug on his shirt and he leans back to give you room to take it off. As soon as it's off you plant kisses on his chest. He squeezes your hips tighter and you grind your hips down on him causing him to hiss. You feel him getting hard. You smile against his lips, "wanna do the honors?" You guide his hands to the front of his jersey that you're wearing.

"Of course." He kisses you as he unbuttons your shirt. He gasps as soon as he sees what's underneath. Blue lace bra and panties that matches his jersey. "Had I known you were wearing this we would have just skipped the game."

You laugh, "you're such a dork." You shimmy out of the shirt as Chris tosses it across the room.

"I love you." He kisses you and you run your hands up and down his back as his hands travel down to your ass and slaps it. You moan against his lips and he slaps your ass again. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you back with him as he lays on the bed. You kiss down his neck as his hands travel up your back and undoes your bra. He slowly slides the straps down your shoulders and tosses your bra across the room. His hands travel between you and he squeezes your breasts. You moan against his lips and he wraps his arms around you and rolls over on the bed so he's on top. He helps you scoot up on the bed so you're not close to the edge. You move your legs so he's laying between them. He grinds his hips down on yours and you whimper against his lips. His hand travels down to your thigh where his finger lightly traces the side of your panties. "May I?"

"Uh huh" you mumble between kisses. Chris lightly rubs your mound and you moan against his lips. You move your hips up towards his hand. He takes the cue and rubs your lips. You rub his back and moan, "more, baby." He rubs your clit.

"You're so wet, (y/n)." He slowly slides his finger into you and you whimper. You lightly scratch his back.

"Oh baby, that feels so good."

"Yeah?" Chris kisses your neck and adds another finger. You whimper against his lips. He touches on different places looking for your g-spot and you cry out as soon as he finds out. "There?"

"Yes, baby. Right there." You run your fingers through his hair as he continues to rub your g-spot. "Oh fu- Chris."

"Come on, I got you, baby."

You start to toss and turn on the bed as Chris rubs your sweet spot faster. He holds your hip down and you come undone. "Chris! I'm cumming." You hold onto him as he keeps his fingers inside you as your orgasm calms.

He plants light kisses all over your face and neck as you catch your breath. Chris removes his fingers from you and rubs your stomach as you lay with your eyes close still calming down. "You okay there?"

"Uh huh, just need a minute."

Chris kisses your neck, "damn was it that good?"

"Yes you're very talented with your hands."

Chris has a big smile on his face, "thank you."

You let out a tired laugh, "I love you."

"I love you too, (y/n).... Ready to go again?"

"Yes, birthday boy."

Chris smiles and kisses you before scooting down the bed, "can I take off the rest of your sexy wrapping paper?" He tugs on your panties.

"Yes." You thrust your hips up and he helps you remove them. He stands up at the edge of the bed and you sit up on your elbows as you watch as he takes off his pants and boxers. You bite your lip at the sight of him crawling up back into bed. He reaches into the night stand and grabs a condom out of the drawer. He rips the pack open and slowly slides the condom onto his dick. He positions himself on top of you and teases your entrance with the tip of his dick before slowly thrusting into you. You whimper at the stretch of him. He stops and gives you time to adjust. You nod your head and he proceeds to thrust more into you until he's as deep as you let him go. You wrap your arms around him and he kisses you as he slowly pulls out and thrusts all the way back in. The slow movement is torture but pleasurable at the same time. Chris bites your necks as you tug on his hair and moan out his name, "make love to me, Chris."

"I always do. I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you." You scratch his back.

"Shit you feel so fucking good around me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you're so tight. I love when you squeeze around me."

Chris starts to speed up his thrusts.

"I love you, Chris. I love you so much." You wrap your legs around his waist and you take him in even deeper.

Chris rests his head on your shoulder, "oh fuck, baby." You whimper and cry out as Chris thrusts harder. "Please tell me your close, baby."

"Uh huh, keep going baby. I'm almost there." you scratch his back and thrust your hips up towards his. He reaches between you two and starts rubbing your clit and you clench around him. "Oh fuck, baby."

"Yeah? You gonna cum?"

"Uh huh, right there."

Chris rubs your clit faster and thrusts into you with all that he's got and soon enough you come undone. You hold onto his shoulders as he continues thrusting into you searching for his own release. "Oh shit, baby."

"Come for me, Chris. I love you baby. I love you." His thrusts get sloppy and he groans as he does one final thrust. He rests his head on your shoulder as you both catch your breaths.

After a few minutes of cooling down Chris pulls out from you and you whimper at the loss feeling. He kisses your forehead before he gets up and heads to the bathroom to clean himself. He comes back with a washcloth and lightly rubs your thighs and sensitive area to clean you off. He tosses the towel into the laundry basket before crawling back into bed with you. He pulls up the covers and you snuggle up against him and he plants a light kiss on your forehead.

"Thanks for tonight, I had a great time."

"You're welcome, birthday boy."

"I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you too, Chris." You close your eyes and rest your head on his chest. You start to giggle.

"What's so funny, (y/n)?"

"My phone is still playing music."

"Eh let it play. Go to sleep, sweetheart"

You kiss him good night and shortly fall asleep.Chris was away filming for work majority of the time after your little spring break getaway. However he was able to come home for a couple of weekends to spend time with you and Dodger. With it being the end of the school year you were busy with final exams, playing tests, and performances.

====== ===== =======

"Hey, why the sad look?" you tilt your head at the computer screen trying to make Chris smile.

He sighs, "because I'll miss your performance tomorrow night. I know how hard you worked and I really wanted to be back home to support you."

"Don't beat yourself up about this. You've been to all of my other performances."

"Yeah I know, I just didn't want to miss one." You stay silence and just look at Chris through the screen. "(y/n)?"

You lean back in your office chair and start laughing harder, "Yes."

Chris shakes his head and tries not to smile, "you suck."

That just makes you laugh harder, "Aww, come on, I know you wanna laugh. That's why I did it to make you laugh and not be sad."

Chris tilts his head at the camera, "how was you crying supposed to make me laugh? I don't like seeing you cry."

"No, me laughing right now. You're supposed to be laughing too, but I can see you're a little annoyed so I'll stop." You slouch in your chair and roll your lip in and give Chris puppy eyes, "sorry."

Chris shakes his head, "you're such a dork."

"I'm not a dork, you're the dork."

Chris scrunches up his nose, "Nah, right now you're being the dork."

You sigh, "okay fine, I'm the dork."

Chris laughs, "you make a pretty cute dork."

You frame your face with your hands on your chin and close your eyes, "Aww thanks."

Chris leans back on his chair and places his hand on his chest, "I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you too, Chris." You let out a light yawn and you try to hide it, but Chris notices it.

"Hey, I should let you sleep. You have a busy day tomorrow."

You pout at the computer screen, "I guess this is good night then?"

"Yeah, I'll be home in a couple of days. Don't worry."

"Okay, I love you, Chris. Good night."

Chris blows a kiss to the camera, "Good night, (y/n). I love you."

You smile and close the computer. You yawn and stretch in your office chair before turning off the lights and head to bed.

===== ======

When you get home you get a text from Chris:

'Hi (y/n), hope you have a good day. I love you, sweetheart.'

You snuggle up with Dodger on the couch and snap a photo and send it to Chris with the caption:

'Dodger and I miss our favorite cuddle buddy. We love you.'

'I love you guys so much.'

You study your music score in your office as Dodger keeps you company by laying on the couch with his favorite lion.

' hi sweetheart, sorry I couldn't make it tonight. I really wanted to be there to support you in person. I know you're gonna kick ass. You always do. I'm so proud of you, (y/n). I love you so much.'

You touch one of your flowers and your phone starts to buzz. You look at the screen and it's Chris.

"Hello?"

"Hi, have you gone to your dressing room?"

"Yes. I got the flowers and note. Thank you, Chris."

"I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too."

"I gotta go, just wanted to make sure you got the note."

You touch the flowers again, "yes and they're beautiful."

"Just like you."

You feel your face get warm from blushing, "you're such a dork. I love you."

"I love you, sweetheart. Bye."

"Bye."

You relax for a little while more before changing into your concert attire. One of your colleagues knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hey, just checking if you're almost ready."

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

As soon as you get home you take a shower to help you relax before heading to bed. You check your phone and see a missed skype call from Chris. You lay on the bed and dail his number.

"Hi"

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were asleep already… I notice you took another shower without me."

You giggle, "am I not supposed to shower when you're gone?"

"No, I just miss showering with you."

"Aww, I promise we'll take a shower together as soon as you get home."

Chris raises his eyebrows, "pinky promise?"

You cover your face with your hand, "yes, I pinky promise."

"Yay. Sorry I wasn't there tonight. How was the concert?"

"Stop apologizing, Chris. It went great."

"Okay, sorry. Glad to hear it went great." You yawn and rub your eyes, "aww, baby. I'll let you sleep."

"I know I usually fight you and say I'm not sleepy, but I am tonight."

Chris laughs, "it's okay, I need to get some sleep too. I gotta wake up early tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, Chris. Good night."

"Good night (y/n)".

You put your phone on your night stand and fall asleep snuggling up with Chris' pillow.

==== ======

You're asleep on your stomach and you feel the bed dip. You're awaken by a light kiss on your shoulder. You shake from shock and you hear Chris giggle, "good morning, gorgeous."

"I missed you too much. I got an earlier flight." Chris kisses you and rubs your back.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Me too." Chris squeezes your hand and gets up from the bed. "Now come on, you owe me a shower."

You scratch your head as he tugs your arm, "but I just woke up, Chris."

"Exactly! A shower with me is the best way to start your morning!" he winks at you and you can't help but smile.

You get out of bed and follow him into the bathroom. You're still rubbing your eyes as he turns on the shower. Chris turns back around and can stop smiling at you.

"Hmm?"

Chris walks up to you and wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you. "Nothing, just really happy to be back home with you."

"So am I."

Chris raises his eyebrows, "really?"

"Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Shower."

Chris moans and removes the remainder of his clothes and helps you out of the rest of yours. He takes a second to admire your body before kissing you again. "You look so beautiful, I love you."

"I love you too, now can we get in the shower? I'm getting cold."

Chris laughs and gives you a quick kiss, "I know how to warm you up." He slaps your ass as he guides you into the shower.

"Chris!"

You bite his lip and moan, "please."

You nod your head, "Mmm more than okay, keep going, baby…. Please."

Chris goes back to kissing you and starts moving his fingers again. You moan against his lips. "You like that, baby?"

"Yes, baby. I love you. I love you so much." You tug on his hair and scratch his back.

"You close, sweetheart?"

"Uh huh, please. Baby, make me cum."

Chris uses his thumb to rub your clit in tight circles as he fingers you faster. You whimper out his name. You clench around his fingers and he can tell you're close.

He kisses your neck, "cum for me, baby. Let go. I got you, baby."

You scream out his name as you come undone. Chris quickly wraps his other arm around your waist to keep you up right as his other hand continues to pleasure you through your orgasm.

"Oh shit, baby. Ahh right there. I love you so much. Ahh."

"That's it baby. I love you."

"I love you, Chris."

He wraps himself in a towel, "I love you too, (y/n)." He plants a kiss on your lips. He helps dry your hair and you keep smiling up at him.

"What is it?"

"Happy birthday, handsome."

He leans in for a kiss, "Thank you."

He finishes helping you dry and change into clean clothes before heading to the kitchen.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

He tilts his head, "sweetheart it's 2 in the afternoon."

"Okay, well then, what do you want for lunch?"

"Pancakes."

You put your head down, "pancakes? Then why does the time of day bug you?"

"It doesn't, I just like giving you a hard time." He leans against the counter, tilts his head and smiles.

You sigh, "okay, birthday boy. Pancakes coming right up."

Chris scoots close to you and wraps his arms around you, "I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too, birthday boy. Welcome home."

After your late lunch you cuddle up on the couch with Chris to watch TV.

Chris opens his eyes and sees an envelope. "Well it can't be lingerie…. Or can it?" he raises his eyebrows as he rips it open. "Ooo, tickets to see the red soxs…. Tonight?"

"Yes. Happy birthday, handsome." You kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, I love it and I love you." He kisses your lips before standing up. "Come on, let's get ready."

"Okay okay, let's go."

You jump in the car and head downtown for the game. Chris' hand rests on your thigh and he lightly rubs your thigh with his thumb.

He leans over and whispers in your ear, "I love you."

You squeeze his hand, "I love you too."

You make it into the stadium and you guys make a beeline to the snack bar for beers and nachos. You guys then head to your seats to watch the game. Seeing Chris enjoy the game makes you happy.

"Thanks for the birthday present."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you're having fun."

"I am, I always have fun when I'm with you."

"I love you, Chris." You lean in for a kiss.

"I love you, (y/n)."

"Please tell me you're not sleepy yet, I have another present for you."

Chris quickly sits up on the edge of the bed and raises his eyebrows, "another present?"

You laugh, "you're such a dork." You shimmy out of the shirt as Chris tosses it across the room.

"You're so wet, (y/n)." He slowly slides his finger into you and you whimper. You lightly scratch his back.

"Oh baby, that feels so good."

"Yeah?" Chris kisses your neck and adds another finger. You whimper against his lips. He touches on different places looking for your g-spot and you cry out as soon as he finds out. "There?"

"Yes, baby. Right there." You run your fingers through his hair as he continues to rub your g-spot. "Oh fu- Chris."

"Come on, I got you, baby."

"Uh huh, just need a minute."

Chris kisses your neck, "damn was it that good?"

"Yes you're very talented with your hands."

Chris has a big smile on his face, "thank you."

You let out a tired laugh, "I love you."

"I love you too, (y/n).... Ready to go again?"

"Yes, birthday boy."

Chris smiles and kisses you before scooting down the bed, "can I take off the rest of your sexy wrapping paper?" He tugs on your panties.

"I always do. I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you." You scratch his back.

"Shit you feel so fucking good around me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you're so tight. I love when you squeeze around me."

Chris starts to speed up his thrusts.

"I love you, Chris. I love you so much." You wrap your legs around his waist and you take him in even deeper.

Chris rests his head on your shoulder, "oh fuck, baby." You whimper and cry out as Chris thrusts harder. "Please tell me your close, baby."

"Yeah? You gonna cum?"

"Uh huh, right there."

"Come for me, Chris. I love you baby. I love you." His thrusts get sloppy and he groans as he does one final thrust. He rests his head on your shoulder as you both catch your breaths.

"Thanks Chris was away filming for work majority of the time after your little spring break getaway. However he was able to come home for a couple of weekends to spend time with you and Dodger. With it being the end of the school year you were busy with final exams, playing tests, and performances.

====== ===== =======

"Hey, why the sad look?" you tilt your head at the computer screen trying to make Chris smile.

He sighs, "because I'll miss your performance tomorrow night. I know how hard you worked and I really wanted to be back home to support you."

"Don't beat yourself up about this. You've been to all of my other performances."

"Yeah I know, I just didn't want to miss one." You stay silence and just look at Chris through the screen. "(y/n)?"

You lean back in your office chair and start laughing harder, "Yes."

Chris shakes his head and tries not to smile, "you suck."

That just makes you laugh harder, "Aww, come on, I know you wanna laugh. That's why I did it to make you laugh and not be sad."

Chris tilts his head at the camera, "how was you crying supposed to make me laugh? I don't like seeing you cry."

"No, me laughing right now. You're supposed to be laughing too, but I can see you're a little annoyed so I'll stop." You slouch in your chair and roll your lip in and give Chris puppy eyes, "sorry."

Chris shakes his head, "you're such a dork."

"I'm not a dork, you're the dork."

Chris scrunches up his nose, "Nah, right now you're being the dork."

You sigh, "okay fine, I'm the dork."

Chris laughs, "you make a pretty cute dork."

You frame your face with your hands on your chin and close your eyes, "Aww thanks."

Chris leans back on his chair and places his hand on his chest, "I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you too, Chris." You let out a light yawn and you try to hide it, but Chris notices it.

"Hey, I should let you sleep. You have a busy day tomorrow."

You pout at the computer screen, "I guess this is good night then?"

"Yeah, I'll be home in a couple of days. Don't worry."

"Okay, I love you, Chris. Good night."

Chris blows a kiss to the camera, "Good night, (y/n). I love you."

You smile and close the computer. You yawn and stretch in your office chair before turning off the lights and head to bed.

===== ======

When you get home you get a text from Chris:

'Hi (y/n), hope you have a good day. I love you, sweetheart.'

You snuggle up with Dodger on the couch and snap a photo and send it to Chris with the caption:

'Dodger and I miss our favorite cuddle buddy. We love you.'

'I love you guys so much.'

You study your music score in your office as Dodger keeps you company by laying on the couch with his favorite lion.

' hi sweetheart, sorry I couldn't make it tonight. I really wanted to be there to support you in person. I know you're gonna kick ass. You always do. I'm so proud of you, (y/n). I love you so much.'

You touch one of your flowers and your phone starts to buzz. You look at the screen and it's Chris.

"Hello?"

"Hi, have you gone to your dressing room?"

"Yes. I got the flowers and note. Thank you, Chris."

"I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too."

"I gotta go, just wanted to make sure you got the note."

You touch the flowers again, "yes and they're beautiful."

"Just like you."

You feel your face get warm from blushing, "you're such a dork. I love you."

"I love you, sweetheart. Bye."

"Bye."

You relax for a little while more before changing into your concert attire. One of your colleagues knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hey, just checking if you're almost ready."

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

As soon as you get home you take a shower to help you relax before heading to bed. You check your phone and see a missed skype call from Chris. You lay on the bed and dail his number.

"Hi"

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were asleep already… I notice you took another shower without me."

You giggle, "am I not supposed to shower when you're gone?"

"No, I just miss showering with you."

"Aww, I promise we'll take a shower together as soon as you get home."

Chris raises his eyebrows, "pinky promise?"

You cover your face with your hand, "yes, I pinky promise."

"Yay. Sorry I wasn't there tonight. How was the concert?"

"Stop apologizing, Chris. It went great."

"Okay, sorry. Glad to hear it went great." You yawn and rub your eyes, "aww, baby. I'll let you sleep."

"I know I usually fight you and say I'm not sleepy, but I am tonight."

Chris laughs, "it's okay, I need to get some sleep too. I gotta wake up early tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, Chris. Good night."

"Good night (y/n)".

You put your phone on your night stand and fall asleep snuggling up with Chris' pillow.

==== ======

You're asleep on your stomach and you feel the bed dip. You're awaken by a light kiss on your shoulder. You shake from shock and you hear Chris giggle, "good morning, gorgeous."

"I missed you too much. I got an earlier flight." Chris kisses you and rubs your back.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Me too." Chris squeezes your hand and gets up from the bed. "Now come on, you owe me a shower."

You scratch your head as he tugs your arm, "but I just woke up, Chris."

"Exactly! A shower with me is the best way to start your morning!" he winks at you and you can't help but smile.

You get out of bed and follow him into the bathroom. You're still rubbing your eyes as he turns on the shower. Chris turns back around and can stop smiling at you.

"Hmm?"

Chris walks up to you and wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you. "Nothing, just really happy to be back home with you."

"So am I."

Chris raises his eyebrows, "really?"

"Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Shower."

Chris moans and removes the remainder of his clothes and helps you out of the rest of yours. He takes a second to admire your body before kissing you again. "You look so beautiful, I love you."

"I love you too, now can we get in the shower? I'm getting cold."

Chris laughs and gives you a quick kiss, "I know how to warm you up." He slaps your ass as he guides you into the shower.

"Chris!"

You bite his lip and moan, "please."

You nod your head, "Mmm more than okay, keep going, baby…. Please."

Chris goes back to kissing you and starts moving his fingers again. You moan against his lips. "You like that, baby?"

"Yes, baby. I love you. I love you so much." You tug on his hair and scratch his back.

"You close, sweetheart?"

"Uh huh, please. Baby, make me cum."

Chris uses his thumb to rub your clit in tight circles as he fingers you faster. You whimper out his name. You clench around his fingers and he can tell you're close.

He kisses your neck, "cum for me, baby. Let go. I got you, baby."

You scream out his name as you come undone. Chris quickly wraps his other arm around your waist to keep you up right as his other hand continues to pleasure you through your orgasm.

"Oh shit, baby. Ahh right there. I love you so much. Ahh."

"That's it baby. I love you."

"I love you, Chris."

He wraps himself in a towel, "I love you too, (y/n)." He plants a kiss on your lips. He helps dry your hair and you keep smiling up at him.

"What is it?"

"Happy birthday, handsome."

He leans in for a kiss, "Thank you."

He finishes helping you dry and change into clean clothes before heading to the kitchen.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

He tilts his head, "sweetheart it's 2 in the afternoon."

"Okay, well then, what do you want for lunch?"

"Pancakes."

You put your head down, "pancakes? Then why does the time of day bug you?"

"It doesn't, I just like giving you a hard time." He leans against the counter, tilts his head and smiles.

You sigh, "okay, birthday boy. Pancakes coming right up."

Chris scoots close to you and wraps his arms around you, "I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too, birthday boy. Welcome home."

After your late lunch you cuddle up on the couch with Chris to watch TV.

Chris opens his eyes and sees an envelope. "Well it can't be lingerie…. Or can it?" he raises his eyebrows as he rips it open. "Ooo, tickets to see the red soxs…. Tonight?"

"Yes. Happy birthday, handsome." You kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, I love it and I love you." He kisses your lips before standing up. "Come on, let's get ready."

"Okay okay, let's go."

You jump in the car and head downtown for the game. Chris' hand rests on your thigh and he lightly rubs your thigh with his thumb.

He leans over and whispers in your ear, "I love you."

You squeeze his hand, "I love you too."

You make it into the stadium and you guys make a beeline to the snack bar for beers and nachos. You guys then head to your seats to watch the game. Seeing Chris enjoy the game makes you happy.

"Thanks for the birthday present."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you're having fun."

"I am, I always have fun when I'm with you."

"I love you, Chris." You lean in for a kiss.

"I love you, (y/n)."

"Please tell me you're not sleepy yet, I have another present for you."

Chris quickly sits up on the edge of the bed and raises his eyebrows, "another present?"

You laugh, "you're such a dork." You shimmy out of the shirt as Chris tosses it across the room.

"You're so wet, (y/n)." He slowly slides his finger into you and you whimper. You lightly scratch his back.

"Oh baby, that feels so good."

"Yeah?" Chris kisses your neck and adds another finger. You whimper against his lips. He touches on different places looking for your g-spot and you cry out as soon as he finds out. "There?"

"Yes, baby. Right there." You run your fingers through his hair as he continues to rub your g-spot. "Oh fu- Chris."

"Come on, I got you, baby."

"Uh huh, just need a minute."

Chris kisses your neck, "damn was it that good?"

"Yes you're very talented with your hands."

Chris has a big smile on his face, "thank you."

You let out a tired laugh, "I love you."

"I love you too, (y/n).... Ready to go again?"

"Yes, birthday boy."

Chris smiles and kisses you before scooting down the bed, "can I take off the rest of your sexy wrapping paper?" He tugs on your panties.

"I always do. I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you." You scratch his back.

"Shit you feel so fucking good around me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you're so tight. I love when you squeeze around me."

Chris starts to speed up his thrusts.

"I love you, Chris. I love you so much." You wrap your legs around his waist and you take him in even deeper.

Chris rests his head on your shoulder, "oh fuck, baby." You whimper and cry out as Chris thrusts harder. "Please tell me your close, baby."

"Yeah? You gonna cum?"

"Uh huh, right there."

"Come for me, Chris. I love you baby. I love you." His thrusts get sloppy and he groans as he does one final thrust. He rests his head on your shoulder as you both catch your breaths.

"Thanks for tonight, I had a great time."

"You're welcome, birthday boy."

"I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you too, Chris." You close your eyes and rest your head on his chest. You start to giggle.

"What's so funny, (y/n)?"

"My phone is still playing music."

"Eh let it play. Go to sleep, sweetheart"

You kiss him good night and shortly fall asleep.

for tonight, I had a great time."

"You're welcome, birthday boy."

"I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you too, Chris." You close your eyes and rest your head on his chest. You start to giggle.

"What's so funny, (y/n)?"

"My phone is still playing music."

"Eh let it play. Go to sleep, sweetheart"

You kiss him good night and shortly fall asleep.

#chris evans #chrisevans #chris evans fanfiction #chrisevansfanfic #chris evans and reader #chrisevanssmut

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