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#feels weird tagging them all on a post like this but whatever >_<
thornnii · 3 days
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Saw that you request open so: show!percy jackson x daughter of Eris!reader set just after battle of the labyrinth?
⎯ ☆ chaos in the rain
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genre: brief angst to fluff wordcount: 1.1k pairing: percy jackson x fem!reader tags: daughter of eris!reader (she/her pronouns), reader hiding out to avoid doing work to rebuild/repair camp after the battle against luke/kronos' army, set after the events of botl, established relationship, probably some inaccuracies summary: what started off as hiding from chores turns into a conversation about oranges notes: I AM SO SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!! I hope really hope you like this anon ♡♡
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camp was alive with activity after the battle between camp half-blood and luke, or rather kronos's, army. there was a fair amount of damage done to the camp and mr d and chiron had delegated jobs to fix the camp to the different cabins. [reader] sat with her feet dangling off the edge of the cliff by the netball court. technically she was meant to be helping the rest of the hermes cabin and the other unclaimed kids that she bunked with- not that she was unclaimed, she was claimed by her mother a while ago, but there was no cabin for eris at camp half-blood.
'it was like staring out over a beehive' [reader] concluded as she watched the rest of camp from her perch. she pulled her feet up to sit cross-legged before tugging her small satchel bag, filled with snacks she'd been storing up throughout the year, into her lap. it was odd, usually the girl would revel in chaos and destruction, but this time all she could feel was this weird hollowness that seemed to weigh her down as she munched on her stolen goodies. maybe it was because it wasn’t chaos by her hand, or that it had affected the people and the things she had grown to cherish. oh well, it wasn’t going to come to her now, maybe in hindsight whatever she was experiencing would be more obvious.
as [reader] ate and watched the activity of the camp below her a soft mist began to envelop camp half-blood. [reader]’s fellow campers stopped to look up at the sky, embracing the cold patter of rain compared to the humid air that still permeated the area post the violence it had just experienced. [reader] couldn’t imagine the immeasurable pain some campers may be feeling, losing a sibling in such a brutal way. with the negative thoughts swimming around her head, she reached for the golden apple keychain on her bag. a golden apple was one of eris's symbols and it always helped to calm [reader], to make her feel connected to her mother.
[reader] stiffened slightly at the almost indiscernible sound of light footsteps against the wet grass of the volleyball courts. almost as soon as her ears caught the sound, the rain that had been splashing down on her stopped. a small smile graced [reader]’s features. “hi percy.”
“how’d you know it was me?” she could hear the pout on his lips without even needing to turn around and see it.
“percy,” she finally turned around to face him, “there are only two children of poseidon at camp, and only you have been training to try and stop the rain. ever since you saw katara do it in avatar.” [reader] mumbled the last part. percy gave a laugh and landed a playful slap to [reader]’s shoulder as he sat down beside her. she just smiled.
[reader] pulled her hoodie closer around her. even though percy had created a small rainless bubble for them, the wind was still cold as it swept through camp. percy must’ve seen the chill run through [reader] as he pulled her closer to him, resting her head on top of his shoulder. “some agent of chaos you are.”
the two sat there for a while just watching their fellow demigods flitter about. the dark sky of the early morning began to be tinted with dusty pinks and vibrant oranges as the sun made its first peak over the horizon. it was a stupidly peaceful moment considering all that had just passed, but, nevertheless, it was welcomed.
the relationship between [reader] and percy had many raising their eyebrows, wondering how anyone could possibly feel stable with a child of eris. but percy accepted [reader]’s chaotic nature with open arms. and while [reader] encouraged percy to be more impulsive and reckless (than he already was), percy helped to ground [reader]. yin and yang.
“orange slice?” [reader] offered.
“got a blue one?” percy joked as he took the slice presented to him.
“if I find a blue orange, I promise I will get it for you.” [reader] grinned, placing a chaste kiss to the blond’s cheek.
“do think it’s actually possible to turn and orange blue?” percy’s eyebrows were now scrunched in thought as he genuinely considered his question. yet it fell on deaf ears. the sun was continuing to rise as it washed camp half-blood in its soft glow, but all [reader] could focus on was the way it illuminated percy’s features, how it made his eyes sparkle. it wasn’t until percy turned to face [reader] properly that she realised he was waiting for her to reply.
“sorry, what’d you say?” she blushed.
“I was wondering if a blue orange was actually possible.” percy repeated.
“I doubt it. besides you wouldn’t really be able to call it an orange anymore if it wasn’t orange.” [reader] grinned toothily at the absurdity of the question. “also I’d be kinda concerned about the taste.”
“what d’you mean ‘the taste’?”
“well aren’t you putting, like, food colouring or whatever in it to change the colour?”
percy shook his head, “no, I’m talking about a naturally occurring blue orange.”
[reader]’s eyebrows creased in further confusion. “I think naturally occurring is impossible, perc. it’s gonna have had to been changed magically or artificially or something, y’know. and even if you did find this infamous blue orange anyway, what would you call it?”
“a blue.” it was said with such confidence that it caught [reader] off-guard for a second. not that she was really sure why she should’ve been expecting anything else.
“a blurange.” she countered.
“blurange?” percy repeated, his previous confidence replaced with confusion.
“sure. if we are setting this in a world where blue oranges aren’t the norm then it makes sense to brand it as something that people already know, so you take ‘blue’ and ‘orange’ and smash ‘em together: ‘blurange’.” as [reader] explained her side of it percy couldn’t help but nod along. what she said made sense, but…
“but ‘blue’ is funny, cause it’s, like, ironic and shit.” percy crossed his arms and pouted like a toddler that had just been told ‘no’ to a new toy. it made [reader] smile at her boyfriend’s silliness. she gave him another quick kiss to the cheek which only seemed to cause his pout to deepen and her smile to widen.
“agree to disagree?” she held the final slice of orange out towards him like a peace offering.
percy took the slice, stuffing it in his mouth in one and muttering a muffled ‘agreed’.
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spect-era · 9 months
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Just some basic headshots of whatever this group is /pos
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lunarharp · 5 months
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being attached to that moment qifrey held a baby one time and my ideas for the future :)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#brief small post before i return to Real and Emotional things again...but tbh...this makes me feel real emotions too#i think the manga will end up with a epilogue chapter showcasing little things in the girls' future and orufrey holding hands or kissing...#to like Indicate things. if it doesn't happen beforehand.#But. Who. Knows. also then i suddenly started thinking about them raising a baby for ages today because of how narratively poignant it'd be#for things to end that way after having raised almost-daughters all those years. and how healing it could be for qifrey and etc.#thing i said on twt: girls visit so often that the kid's first words are Professor Olly#“deja vu.. i'm not your professor kid - i'm your father!”#sorry but they are literally a gay couple where one truly is like The Mom and one truly is The Dad. to me#i think a housewifey homemaker type lifestyle would make qifrey happy. be harder now that he's disabled - well that's why he has his man.#i dont normally care about stuff like fankids or whatever..characters becoming parents for real..but like..Come on#This is the couple to think about this with.....they already ARE parents..i want them to be happy for eternity#once all the horrors are over we have to make it there.....children are so precious families are so precious....#i have bad relationship with parents personally and haven't interacted with children in years. And yet i still know that.#the fact that orufrey fight for children to be safe and educated and happy...qif wants to help coustas too..#aaaanyway today was a pretty weird and difficult day so i deserved to think about happy futures for a bit. i hear it's possible#btw i'm most sure about tetia becoming the princess of zozah. i think that will happen. and riche should have the ribbon tassel.
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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dykedvonte · 27 days
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@gecko-in-a-can THIS ABSOLUTELY
Resentment is such a big part of Benny’s motives towards House, feeling he’s underserving to rule and shouldn’t have the right to keep the title of Vegas just because he claimed it first long ago. Say what you will, Benny puts the effort in, through honest and dishonest work albeit, but he puts in the effort. Not saying House didn’t but House had the luxury of having a lot of that effort done before the war and subordinates to do so after. House is untouchable, something everyone wants in the Mojave, if not for the power, but because of the security. House takes that for granted seeing how easy he thinks it is to buy people. Benny, a Mojave native, has to be irate about that seeing how he has seen the heights and slums of both lives.
Also with the AIs it’s so telling because in a lot of ways, Yes Man has more autonomy than House’s major personality securitrons. Yeah, Yes Man has to be helpful but he’s aware and able to be snarky and coy. Benny has an issue with not being listened to but that’s the only perimeter Yes Man needs to act on. He can’t condescend but lord you can tell when he wants to. House’s AIs serves specific and highly detailed functions but are confined to act in accordance. They are subservient to a T and are extensions of House while Yes Man really is a creation that adapts further, hence his desire for the assertive upgrade. Benny made something, or at least was okay with a helper, that can progress for itself. House made things that replicate or facilitate an era of the past and don’t hold the power to contest it.
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lucalicatteart · 1 year
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 3: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should throw a coin into the mysterious well ….
"After nearly ten minutes rummaging through the disorganization at the bottom of his backpack, he finally approaches the well once again, meager coin pouch in hand. He meticulously balances a little golden coin on the tip of his thumb, positioning it just so for an elegant coin flip… With a flick of his hand, the coin wobbles off, anticlimactically dropping into the darkness.. He pouts, leaning in to listen for a plonk as the coin hits the water but… nothing…. silence.. A few minutes pass and he shrugs, moving to pick up his bag and just continue his journey elsewhere, when suddenly a faint noise echoes from the well.. an almost cartoonish plopping sound, like wet feet slapping against stone..? The pitter patter grows closer and closer…then stops abruptly. The adventurer cautiously slinks over to the well, only to find.. a creature of some sort, clinging to the walls, staring up at him blankly. - What should he do next?"
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#(I saw a few people tag these as that and I guess it makes sense. hmm)#DAY 3!!! vote to choose this little man's fate#Sad that people did not want to go into the well.. :( Maybe we can still go in depending on how things go with#The Creachure. I mean I know I could just make whatever happen anyway since I'm the one doing it but. It has to feel natural lol#it would be obviously just me doing what I want if I was like 'oh uh we went to throw the coin in the well but he tripped and#fell and then somehow didnt die and whoops he's in the well anyway!!'' lol#I care more about things being realistic and natural than following whatever ideas seem interesting. If it was voted for him to explode#into a million pieces sadly I would simply have to explode him. audience says#let me know if the formatting of this is weird?? also? I wasn't sure where to put the slightly longer bit of text#so I kept it under a reas more just to the post looks neater. I thought it'd seem weird with a bunch of text blocks sandwiching the poll#and too much going on. But I also feel like it's organizationally weird if all the details are at the end? eh..#bt then at least it's optional. not everyone will want to read more. And it's not like.. amazing text lol#I'm slapping them out off of the top of my head with minimal editing because I have to get it done and I know if I make it too complicated#or become concerned with like things being Perfectly Revised then I will absolutely not be able to do it once a day#Same with the obvious sketchy ms paint art lol. But so like. I dont feel as bad about kind of having the text be options#*optional since it's not like 'omg this is so good u have to read this' it's like.. eh.. passable amount of detail ghbj#ANYWAY. and 'paventure' (poll + adventure) is just temporary so I have a way to tag this on the blog/keep up with the posts#in a organized way. I think 'padventure' is more obvious but that's already the name of other things and I didnt want the tags to be#confusing or like.. post in some random tag that people already use for something else#but the only thing I found when googling 'paventure' is like. .some venture capital business from PA. and who cares about that lol#explanation probably not needed but I think it sounds a bit silly so I'm justifying myself to myself lol#ANYWAY. lov his silly hat. I want to draw him more. I want to name him. I COULD DO A POLL TO CHOOSE A NAME#but that wouldn't fit in with any of the days lol. maybe if I make it a week actually doing it or something at the end of the week#I could do a bonus poll or something. ??? idk.. ANYWAY.. new day!
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bethiewhimsy · 7 months
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i’ve been stricken with so many problems.
#1) the fucking yearning. go away. i don’t need romantic love. it SUCKS and it’s BAD. disgusting.#2) a sudden repulsion for skirts???? WHAT THE HELL. I LOVE SKIRTS. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO WEAR THEM RN. it’s so fucking weird.#3) i have to actually decide what to do with my life. like. big things. like getting a damn apartment.#4) the crippling fear of growing up has resurfaced. i just turned 20. i don’t want to do this shit anymore.#anyway i’m fine 👍#i suppose this is a vent post??? but in the tags.#haven’t vented on tumblr dot com in a hot hot hot minute#not since my irl friend started following me (hopefully they’re not reading this but if they are: hi)#ranting in the tags feels SO much safer. like. no one’s coming in here#OH ANOTHER THING.#5) a fucking midterm is here and it takes EFFORT.#it’s whatever im just feeling feelings and that’s all right#at least i have a fun little thing to look forward to this weekend#im going to see a ballet !!!#but damn……::::that makes me think about how i’ll never actually do anything with my life.#like we can’t all be on the stage but hell#like??? the knowledge that it only gets worse from here???????????? what the actual hell#and sometimes i think about how i’ll always have to be in the closet.#which sometimes im completely fine with and other times it hurts me a lot#idk. IDK.#anyway. im 20 and i don’t know what im doing with my life and ive never had a lover and i don’t have many friends#and i don’t have any passions or dreams or goals and we’re all only here to one day die.#damn i guess this is why people journal#maybe i should pick up journaling#i think it’d help tbh#anyway im rlly truly actually done now#edit: I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM#6) MY PERIOD IS MAKING ME UPSET. everything hurts and im gonna be so nauseous and gross tomorrow help me. pain & agony#7) i cant fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!! but im so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#8) im gonna have to sit thru a transphobic + misogynistic + toxic ass chapel teaching tomorrow.
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minglana · 28 days
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so crazy seeing my cousins post aesthetic pics of my village street. maam thats a rundown house with the roof caved in next to the ugliest house in the village
#and the street pavement is green bc no one cleans it so its full of like algae or whatever the fuck#bc of the winter humidity (and fog). like thats ugly as hell😭#thr comparison between my cousins and i is crazy in regards to how we approach the village#all my other cousins post or have posted aesthetic pics of random streets or like. roads#bc i think to them its just another village. like yeah their grandma/grandpa is from there#but i think that just spending the holidays here (instead of like. staying 3+ months in the summer and normal weekends)#has made them treat the village as just another place. idk what even im trying to say but#it just feels kinda disgenuine when they aesthetize (?) the village like that#like for example my friend who has LIVED in the village her entire life doesnt post stuff like that#she posts stuff from her house or something. but not of like random streets yknow. and if she posts something from the street#its bc something else is the focus. and shes not just using it as a pretty backdrop or whatever#ok that last tag is what i was trying to get at i just didnt know how to word it#and yeah i think the more time youve lived or spent in the village the less you make it into a pretty backdrop#ive even seen my (other) cousins mom do this. and yeah shes older but also the house they have is just a vacation house#in comparison to for example my family. where our house has always been lived in (so far) so i think it just felt...#(it=going to the village) less like a 'getaway' and more as just like. changing living locations for x time yknow#idk idk. maybe its just my weird perception of my village and the weird attatchment i have to it#but yeah#z xarre
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scarletfasinera · 5 months
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Anyway since I can't send an ask because of character limit and I gave up after trying to write it three different ways and it not working, I'll just. Idk write a short vague post back? I'm assuming a vague for a vague is fair (don't worry I don't want to be mean I just have no other way of navigating this situation.) Since I'm exhausted & but want to at least express my view of it.
Idk just on the off chance they see this or one of our shared mutuals shows them or something. My "weak subtext" post had absolutely nothing to do with Adam Warlock, I didn't even remember that I reblogged that poll before making my post. I had seen like six other polls after the Adam one, bc I was actively looking through the blog, that did the exact thing my post was about, the blogrunner (who shall remain anonymous) had Pointed Out in private that it was happening and gave several examples & it was distressing them so I checked the blog myself and commented on it, which was why I made the post. Not the Adam poll in particular which I didn't remember and wasn't thinking about. I do not know enough about Adam to say anything about either the text or the subtext or anything, so I just. Wouldn't? It really baffled me that it was read that way.
Anyway. Farewell beloved mutual we barely knew ye...
#txt#the “people doing that across multiple polls” thing was also why I left the “annoying notes” tag#it just happened to be on the Adam poll because I like Miles and it was ine of the first ones on the blog#I didn't even process that people wouldn't have the background context & would read it as being Very Mean to Adam Fans in particular#But honestly I should have & that's on me & I deleted the post for that reason#Anyway I have NO BEEF with Adam fans and don't know enough about him to make any posts about him#It's just VERY STRANGE to me that this happened like I didn't even think about Adam I was just blogging 😭#I wish they had like asked me for clarification or something like I'm a dumbass and oftentimes an asshole by accident.#And I get misinterpreted A LOTTTTT but I never know how to KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING#and idk. I don't like being misinterpreted & I especially don't like being vagued over misinterpretation so I feel weird about it ):#Especially from a mutual that I liked? But. I'll forget about all this in the morning.#I mean I could also just. Reblog their vague and respond to it maybe#But idk I feel like that's a Lot because I don't want to out them to my followers as Having Vagued Me#I just would LIKE to address it privately but the only way to do that is via ask but it would be too long if I'm being serious about it#And tumblr's ask limit is like 500 fucking characters or something. Idk I tried figuring out the character limit andnit cut it off after#the FIRST PART#It would have taken like 7 fucking messages to send the whole explanation#And I don't want to swamp their ask box#The only reason the explanation is so short here is because I wrote it out in an exhausted Whatever tone that clips some of the explanation#short. Which I don't think would go over well when trying to explain a misunderstanding to someone who is mad at me enough to vague me#anyway here's your reminder that you can have conversations with people instead of jumping to conclusions 😔#I mean I'm not mad and I understand retroactively why the misunderstanding happened#but also if they had even like PM'd me like “Hey if your post was about Adam I disagree bc xyz” and I would have responded like#“Oh my post wasn't about Adam at all and I didn't even realise it seemed like that sorry”#or hell if they'd even anon'd me about it#Like I'm... actually not a mean person... I'm not going to verbally assault someone for interacting with me in good faith...
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maeshelix · 5 months
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Seeing someone we follow clown on analog horror is always so fucking weird. like motherfucker no horror media is scary why is it only joke worthy when its a freaky face on some old ass boobtube instead of in front of a handheld camera or some actor. its all fake as shit none of it can hurt you. jumpscares are as non scary as analog horror cliches as existential horror as slashers as zombie flicks as etc etc.
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minionwater · 1 year
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sallies _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_
#edit: don’t read all this I went on a fucking rant#like seriously it’s incoherent musings on my silly meme post#sally’s weird. never know how to feel abt her#I know a few sallies actually. most emotionally intelligent kindest ppl I’ve ever met. supported me when shit went to fuck#but also?? the least aware motherfuckers I’ve ever had the misfortune of talking politics with#it’s like. they’ll support you emotionally physically whatever . in a way that fellow activists don’t#bc we’re all too fucking tired#but they can’t comprehend large scale events#they’re the type to like. go to war to comfort the dying but somehow view the war as a distraction from that#n I don’t know if that’s fine. if it’s reprehensible. if it’s a necessary service to those who DO fight#I’m not even calling them fairweather really. bc they’ll stick around. just in a different sort of way#part of me hates them n part of me admires that they stay anyway. misguided as they might be#bc personal kindness is radical too in a way#but at the same time… is it enough. is anything ever enough#I don’t know which part wins. depends on the day I guess#I know a few sallies. I’m even friends with a couple. n I have no idea how to feel abt that#sorry for the musings I’m just really fuckin. in the shitter rn abt apathy towards genocide#n naturally that’s leading me back to this show. again#real tags time I guess#sanders art tag#cabaret#musical theatre#sally bowles#this is. jane horrocks sally :)
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lunarharp · 4 months
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figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..
#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist..#but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol.....#so looking at a “yearly review” where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing...#i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff..#that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol..#AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job..#this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends....#please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think..#It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess.....................#regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier.#art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS.#thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive#really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head#i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier
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dreamertrilogys · 2 years
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hate hate hate when i realize/discover that one of my friends is hot. like can you (me) get out of here with your confusing & unwanted feelings….
#personally i don’t think i’d be able to have a crush on a friend without being too embarrassed to let my feelings fester like i’d just be#like [bland voice] oh they’re hot. whatever. fact of life#ALTHOUGH that’s the issue i think. like whenever i notice that a friend is objectively hot i can never tell if i like. actually like them#or not. ​whenever i’ve had a crush on anyone it’s always been someone i’m not already friends with or it doesn’t work. THAT DOESN’T MEAN I#ONLY LIKE UNATTAINABLE PEOPLE THO IS THE THING. because i used to sort of like this guy i only saw in the halls and then a little while ago#our respective friend groups merged and so now we’re friends and hang out and stuff but i still very much have a crush on him#but like the other day i noticed that my irl was actually like really hot but i don’t think i’d ever be able to#(allow myself to???) like her romantically bc we were friends first??? bro idk. and yet ideally conceptually i think trc was right#wait actually. maybe i’m sort of in love with all of my friends who knows. anyway#.txt#i know it’s only 1 am but i haven’t slept properly all week so that’s why i’m posting this btw#probably this belongs in the journal (private) not journal (public)#upon further consideration that irl was a bad example because i’m starting to remember that i noticed she was hot (in an objective way not a#crush way) before we became friends. HOWEVER there’s this other irl who i knew and didn’t think was particularly attractive and then we#became friends (before i just knew him from class) and i still thought the same way about him but THEN he got a really good haircut and i#realized he was actually sort of attractive and developed a crush on him for about. 12 hours before i was like what the hell#this is [REDACTED (<- his name in all caps)] we’re talking about and promptly fell out of love with him. which is weird because if the#situation (like the fact that we were friends) was different he’d probably be exactly my type personality wise and all too#irls tag#crushposting#ish??#diary#gender diary#<- only diary tag i use
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adammilligan · 2 years
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i want to say this and i mean it in the nicest way possible. some of the asks you guys send me would be better as original posts.
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barredandromeda · 1 month
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imsoo normal about guys byw
#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die#fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die#cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh#i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever#this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi#the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare#serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home#everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump#anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms#killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti#save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight#on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work#lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush#cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav#the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms#i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him#sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls#i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim#all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family#noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me#sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep#ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep#post#erics tag#delete later#serenity needs this as a ref in the morning#i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason#shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much#gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb
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gayemoji · 2 months
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jesus fucking christ.
#abt wilbur.#abuse#this is largely going to be my rambling immediate largely self centric thoughts so . yknow keep scrollin if you dont want that.#i have nothing meaningful to add to the conversation except watch shelbys vod.#at first i only saw wills tweet bc my brother told me about it#and i thought it was about his EX ex girlfriend or something so i brushed it off like 'oh okay damn a general misunderstanding'#then i searched tumblr saw shubble. found her vod . jesus christ.#hes always poked fun at himself being like 'yeah im shit and manipulative'#so theres always been a nagging. ick . in the back of my head. but never enough to actually. stop myself from liking his content/music.#so yeah. another lesson in 'no no red flags exist for a reaosn. listen to your instincts is a saying for a reason.'#all the love and support to shelby. her candidness & how obviously much she HAS been able to grow past THAT SHIT is genuinely inspirational#not that she needs to be inspirational etc. etc. its just good to know she'll be okay. shes in a good place. thank god.#all the stress for wilburs content friends. whether theyve been manipualteed whether theyve whatever i hope theyre . making good choices.#i say give them time. ik theres a lot of creators immediately coming out. therell be a lot who have to process this shit.#there'll be a lot whove. knowinigly / accidentally been complicit. theyre individuals treat them as such.#personally i just . have not cared about m a n y dsmp era mcyt for a W H I L E . so im happy to detach forever at thsi rate.#i havent been in the mcyt sphere for a hot fucking minute now. i hope youre all doing okay.#this shit hits weird. its okay to feel weird. if you want somewhere to vent my dms the replies on this post the tags are all free and open.#don't stew in it. you dont have to fear feeling selfish or self-centric or shifting the spotlight. you need to let that shit out.#thsis hit sucks !!!! a bunch of his/lvjy songs are comfort songs for me.#idk what the fuck to do about that. my immediate /want/ is to burn it. but thats easier said than done sometimes#if youre gonna 'separate the art from the artist' at least fucking pirate his music. youtube to mp3 that shit.#you can add local 'on your computer' files to spotify.#seperate art from the artist by seperating his monetary gain of YOUR consumption of it as much as possible. /AT LEAST/.#but also good luck separating his largely personal art from him.#im not tryna be condescending im in the same boat.#fucking white whine in a wetherspoons is no. 2 on my panic attacks playlist.#thats not his to take from me anymore. but ik if i listen to it ever again itll make my skin crawl.#ofc its not about me. its not about us the unaware fans. and im glad to know for sure now hes a REAL piece of shit.#m
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