#crush way) before we became friends. HOWEVER there’s this other irl who i knew and didn’t think was particularly attractive and then we | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jonathanrook · 3 years

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legally i have to give you intern 2

em you have awoken an ungodly beast inside me so i need to warn everyone that this post is. incomprehensible. but so is mymusic so i guess we're all used to it.

How I feel about this character:

i watched mymusic as it was airing/running/coming out specifically bc i'm a jack stannie, and as a kid melvin was my second favorite character (w scene being in first, obvs) for mostly that reason. he basically hovered around this ranking until my most recent rewatch in the summer of 2020, which was actually spurred by some events in my personal life that vaguely reminded me of scene's season two arc w jeff, and i thought it'd been a funny/nostalgic way to get my mind off things.

(i want to side note here that -- i know you didn't ask, but -- i love jeff. i have since i was a kid. like, obviously not as a person but i think he's honestly the best written character in the series, w indie close in second. idk what it says about the f*nes that their most interesting and well rounded characters are the villains, but i digress. to this day i'm salty that jeff never got added to the theme song and wasn't really included in promotional merch.)

however, in said rewatch, certain things about how he was written started to really get under my skin, and certain moments in particular have really stuck out to me in a negative way. like, for the entirety of season one and a good chunk of season two he's one person, and then he leaves mymusic and we have an entirely different person, but not in a nuanced character building sort of way.

i've said a few of these points before but i'll repeat them here regardless. at the risk of sounding like i've put on a tin-foil hat, it's my sneaking suspicion that scindie was supposed to be endgame, but since fan reception to it was pretty neutral, and scenechart stans were, at the very least, more vocal, changes were made to the intended finale, which is why in the last scene he's basically just. indie. like, if everything about the show was exactly the same but indie was the one who had ended up w scene in the end that would have made so much more sense since a) scene had a crush on indie that he/everyone knew about and b) indie was kind of a dick despite the half-assed attempts at redemption, so both combined make it slightly less weird/out-of-nowhere that he kisses her w/o her consent (since, even though like. implied consent is not real at worst and a fuzzy subject at best but you could argue that scene would want indie to kiss her); and this isn't even taking into consideration that c) melvin is heavily queer-coded in both seasons, with his friendship with nerdcore being, dare i say, homoerotic at times, and his arc about leaving the company and changing his name mirroring nerdcore's almost perfectly (with nerdcore being a character who b*nny [at least] has all but confirmed is actually gay).

i've also been on the fence about melvin's behavior in that final scene making more sense for indie's character being an intentional decision as a way of shoe-horning in a theme about the lasting effects of abuse/cycles of abuse/the corruption of power but i also don't think the f*nes are smart enough for that. however, for the sake of defending my straw theory, i also point to the scene where indie comes to visit the acid factory after melvin told him to shut up, and we see melvin use reggie as a foot-stool, going as far as to say that it feels good to do so (which, in all honesty, i think is a bit that was entirely improvised, since the f*nes were "notorious for never saying cut" [paraphrased from a bts video], but work w me here). he's also given a seltzer mug that perfectly resembles indie's kombucha mug. in these moment melvin is directly emulating the behavior of his previous abuser, purposefully or not, literal moments after being promoted to an equal position of authority, which was totally just included as a joke, but could also be argued is meant to show that he's becoming indie; or, if we acknowledge that the f*nes have no fucking clue what they're doing and were just directing like chickens with their heads cut off, it at least shows that melvin's new position of power is leading him to understand where indie was coming from, which is supported by their conversation in the finale.

the following contains a couple brief mentions of irl sexual assault so if that's something you'd like to avoid skip to the next section!

HOWEVER, that alone isn't what i have a problem with, since i think melvin is completely justified in being a dick to indie (and also reggie enthusiastically consents to being used as an ottoman so good for him i guess). the issue comes completely in how he treats scene in the scenes where the f*nes clearly thought what they were writing was super romantic. like, the fact that the only thing he's got hung on his cubicle wall is a single picture of scene taken from the fucking opening credits (like. how hard would it have been to have. literally any other photo[s] esp since there's an abundance of cute bts pics of the cast in costume that could have been put there) and him scrolling through her twitter at work really creep me out (and at the risk of oversharing the weird, like, social media stalking angle really fucks w me bc that may or may not have been the exact fucking thing i was trying to escape in rewatching mymusic in the first place). also, having him sexually assault scene as a means of comforting her after she had just been sexually assaulted in the same way by someone else was... a choice (which is also, uh, personally familiar).

again, i recognize that demonizing melvin wasn't what the f*nes were trying to do here, and i perhaps seem hypocritical for opening liking jeff, but what makes jeff work is he's intentionally "the bad guy." having melvin do the same things as indie and jeff uncritically only proves further that the f*nes can't write for shit, and ruins his character which had, up until he quit mymusic, been unironically good. like, it's obviously not beneficial that the exact asshole things he does are personally triggering, but the character would still be a mess and i would still dislike him regardless.

i want to say though that jack delivers a surprisingly great performance despite how shoddily his character is constructed and how little experience he has as an actor. like, it's clear he was having a lot of fun on set and i would love to see him in something, like, good; i think he could pull off even like, guest television roles, which is a lot more than can be said for other youtubers.

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All the people I ship romantically with this character:

nerdchart should have been canon i'm sorry. i know that close, nonromantic male friendships are valuable, esp between queer men, but also gd wouldn't it have been baller to have a canon interracial mlm ship. like. c'mon. and they could have been such a good friends to lovers story! we already got to see how melvin was the only person nerdcore could really be himself around so it would have been so cool if melvin's self-advocacy arc/flowchart arc had revolved more around nerdcore with a little role-reversal! and then they kiss! like god intended!

also i ship him and indie bc i'm a grubby little gremlin man ohoho. enemies w weird sexual tension? sign me up. not even enemies to lovers i'm not saying this one should have been canon i just love the vibes. do you think melvin and indie ever explored each other's bod-- *gunshot*

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My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i wish him and scene had just been bros. god remember in season one when they were just bros that was the life.

alternatively, i wish we'd seen more bonding w him and metal, as a means of reconciling that. uh. moment from season one. along similar lines i would have loved to see him get closer w rayna in a similar way to how she bonded w nerdcore in season two. i think that could have also worked to show how she'd grown between the two seasons.

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My unpopular opinion about this character:

HIM. AND. SCENE. SHOULD. HAVE. JUST. BEEN. BROS. (though i think my general dislike of him is pretty unpopular, lmao).

when the show was coming out i don't think it's unfair to say that scenechart/scenetern 2 was the most popular ship (aside from potentially techstep whatever) but luckily we're all gay and have better taste now. unfortunately i totally fell into this camp and scenechart was even my otp for years (until it was arguably more unfortunately usurped by reddie in 2019) and i didn't even realise that it's a hot mess until, again, the summer of 2020.

when actually watching the show the choices the f*nes made in regards to how the ship actually became canon are so odd and out of place, too? okay, so, on one hand everyone just shipped scenechart bc it was the whitest hettiest ship in the show (esp in season two when idol left) aside from scindie (and we already discussed what's wrong w that). but, on the other hand, lainey and jack clearly also just got along? and i suspect that lainey probably also admired jack's work and was happy to be working with him bc we have so many shots throughout even the first season when the ship wasn't the intended endgame of lainey scene looking really fondly at jack melvin at times when it doesn't make much sense at all, esp since she's smitten w indie? this trend continues into the second season which arguably works but it still seems really out of place for him to be the one to ultimately make the first move on her since it's clear she was the one crushing this whole time and also he's gay! this bitch is gay what the fuck!!

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One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

at this point i'm struggling to think of anything i haven't covered yet. oops.

i've talked at length before about how he should have been a woman/lesbian, but the tl;dr is that it would have solved a lot of the queer-coding "problems" that just didn't get resolved in the show. if he'd been a lesbian then not only would the friendship w nerdcore still made sense, but scenechart would have as well (not even mentioning that both of scene's other relationships w men make a lot of sense as comphet anyway).

#long post #this took me an hour to write i literally had to get a snack in the middle of it #mymusicshow #mymusic show #question #mlentertainment #also having a character named scene when you have to write about scenes like. in a story is an absolute bitch

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milopottz · 5 years

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The Hardest Project I’ve Ever Had

// This fic is actually based on something that happened to me irl and yeah it’s pretty angsty. Also, it’s written in Arthur’s POV

You can also read it here on AO3!

Enjoy!

I’ve always loved my art class; we’d get to learn about different forms of art in other countries, see the richness of culture and tradition in them, and do some art projects based on our current topic.

This semester, we’ e covered East Asian art, so of course our next project would be origami. Sir Vargas told us we could make anything we wanted, whether it be a crane, a butterfly, or a panda head; we could even make more if we wanted. The only thing that mattered was that we passed it on time.

I decided to go with making a butterfly. It wasn’t exactly the best one I could make, but at least it had effort. As per requirement, I did pass mine on time; however, there was one more that I have to make, and it will be the hardest one yet.

You see, here’s how it works: all I had to do was make the best rose I can with yellow origami paper, then give it to a boy named Alfred F. Jones. Why, you may be asking, would that be so hard?

Well, that’s because he’s the boy I’ve been crushing on.

It didn’t have to end up this way. I could’ve just ignored the kid who sat beside me as I went through a painstakingly long lecture about the profanity called physics, but oh, Arthur, you reckless little bastard you just had to look at him and ask him for a pen.

Ever since then, Alfred and I grew closer; He introduced me to some of his friends, took me to a convention where I dressed up as Draco Malfoy, and, hell, bought that delicious Oreo milktea that immediately became my favorite. (Not really though, he just wanted to find an excuse to bail an awkward blind date his friend Matthias got him into and I just went along with it.)

I found everything about him amazing, from his boisterous laugh, his cheeky grin, and the way his eyes would light up everytime he’d win a sports match. I loved how he could easily get along with others, how he’d lighten up everyone’s moods when things get tough, and I loved how he could make me, the most sarcastic person there is, smile like there’s no tomorrow.

I just...I love him.

Except, he’ll never love me back.

The moment he broke the news to me about his new girlfriend, I was torn. I was happy for him, really, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of heartbreak and disappointment away from me. I knew, from the very start, that he never had any romantic feelings for men, so why did I keep doing this to myself? Why had I followed my stupid, naive heart in believing that we’d maybe have a chance?

No matter how many times I’d cry on my pillow at night or tearfully look at photos I’ve taken of him with me, I had to face the truth; I needed to get the heaviness of from my chest. The “Alfred” of my dreams is already someone else’s

So there you have it, all I just have to do is to give this yellow paper rose to him as nothing but a sign of how grateful I am to at least have him as my friend. If I’m still too cowardly enough, I’ll just hand it over to Kiku or whoever and instruct them to tell him it’s from someone who loved him before.

Surely, I’ll move on from him. Someday, I’ll find someone who’d love me back as well, but for now I’ll be here grieving for the boy who stole my heart unkowingly.

#hetalia #usuk #usuk fanfic #aph england #aph america #hws england #hws america #arthur kirkland #alfred jones #oneshot #angst #one-sided love #my fanfic stuff

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creatorofclay · 5 years

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Mobile information

Rules

Basic RP rules and courtesies. No god modding, unless it’s something small to move the story forward.

Personal blogs do not reblog my threads, ooc posts, or headcanons. You are welcome to follow, reblog art or memes or things that I specify can be reblogged. Please please don't reblog any of my threads and RPs.

Mun =/= muse. I promise I am far better than this disaster man.

Dark themes may be present here. And in the same vein: I support writing problematic themes. This does not mean I support them IRL, it just means I support writing them in a safe space. Take that however you want.

I am open to anyone and I don’t have any exclusives, but please bare in mind that I do follow my muse. Sometimes he focuses more on certain threads than others.

DO NOT like a post multiple times or unfollow and refollow multiple times to get my attention. No one likes to see that and I WILL hard block you for it.

I am not mutual exclusive. What does this mean? It means that following is not a requirement to rp with me and that I may not follow back right away. When someone new follows, I don't always jump on and follow right away. It keeps my dash clean to people I know or talk to and interact with. Now, if you are mutual exclusive and you follow me, meaning you want to write with me, I encourage you to reach out. I do that when I follow people I want to write with, whether it be sending asks or liking starter calls or even sending a message. (I don't really do starter calls, I know, but asks are always open, even anon) If you follow because you want to write me, TELL ME.

IN ADDITION TO THIS: If you do wish to message me to start an rp or something, do NOT just message a short message or single word. If you have something to say, I would rather you say it up front. I don’t appreciate the little messages that are just meant to get my attention.

I may be open and non selective, but I DO maintain the right to deny rping with you. Especially if I know you are someone who has had issues with people in the past, immaturity or not respecting boundaries or just plain ignoring what someone says.

To any and all Gavin muses: Default of my blog is that Elijah is an only child. I will absolutely be your brother if you'd like, I just ask that you let me know it is your intention so we can work out their relationship and childhoods (if they were together, if they knew, etc). it's the only thing I absolutely ask we plan out ahead of time.

I work evenings(typically) in retail full time IRL so my time can seem scarce or sporadic sometimes. I only ask that you be patient with me, but you are also welcome to poke me if you feel like it’s been a while since I responded. I try to get to everything in a timely manner.

I don’t have any triggers, and I tag everything that is triggering in my posts. If you need something specific tagged, don’t be afraid to ask me. You can send an anon even, if it helps. All triggers are tagged "tw trigger" from me

My side blog is a Simon blog! @itisnothingtodie! He used to be his own account, but when my activity shifted over here to Elijah, I figured it was best to keep him much closer. He is still very low muse at the moment, but if you are interested in him feel free to message me there!

I also now have @finalfcrm, which is my special RK900 blog! My special boy, interact at your own risk ;)

Also be aware if you follow him I follow back from this blog.

Icons are gifts from the lovely @rob0badge uwu

Be gentle with me I am soft. But, I am always happy to make new friends!

Chloe is also a muse here!!

Private/By request only for any long form RP and any sort of friendships or romantic ships. Everything with her should be discussed before hand to help me out. (Chloe isn't as straight as Elijah, so anyone is welcome. Chloe is welcoming to all love and new to relationships outside of her home. Just bear in mind courting her means dealing with Elijah to some extent)

Asks to Chloe are open to EVERYONE. You need only specify if it is for her. Asks by default are answered by Elijah.

I will not rp Chloe with any Elijah blog at all. This is because her personality is based very heavily on Elijah’s, and my portrayal of him naturally, so it won’t make much sense for her to be one way when other Elijah’s are not the same as mine. (@repliicantceo is the only exception because Eli and Elliot are not actually Elijah)

Chloe was meant to have her own set of tags, but I've changed my mind about that lmao All interactions will still be tagged either Elijah ic or Chloe ic. She will still have her own musing and aesthetic tags

When it comes to shipping…

I am multi-verse and multi-ship, however I will only ship with female muses.

All romance will only be with those over 18 please.

I ship chemistry above all else. If you feel like our characters could have something, let me know! We can talk it out to see how it would go! And also at the same time, I encourage you to follow on if your muse has a crush. Unrequited drama can be very interesting.

Be aware that if you include yourself into a verse with a certain muse I already ship with, there will be drama and choices will have to be made. All interactions are default verse Elijah unless specified otherwise.

That being said... I am also open to poly-shipping if it interests you~

Mun

My name is Ash, I’m 26, she/her pronouns, and I (still, i know) have a deep love for Detroit: Become Human.

My primary RP blog in the fandom was Simon for months, but, Kamski has always been an interesting character to me. He’s exactly the kind of villain/antagonist that I really like. Mysterious, ulterior motives, and fascinated by the main character in some way.

I am incredibly shy, but I’ve been trying to come out of my bubble, but, don’t be afraid to approach me with something if you want. Even if its just to ramble about something in your life or a headcanon you came across. I love it all.

I have a discord, it is much easier to reach me there. Just ask me for it. I am always online on mobile, don’t let the offline status fool you.

Verses/Timelines found here!!!

History

muse relationships here!

Elijah Kamski was born on July 17th, 2002. He attended the Universirty of Colbridge at a young age and was a bright pupil to Amanda Stern. After graduating at the age of 16, he went on to found CyberLife, moving to Detroit to begin his research into creating domestic intelligent androids. It took years to develop his formula for thirium, but he was finally able to use it the way he wished.

In 2022, his android became the first to pass the Turing Test. Kamski’s thirium 310 solution proved to the world that the artificial beings were ready to move to production. The original, RT600 model, became Kamski’s star, and one he treasured. She was his personal assistant as he worked to create more and more androids, watching his company grow.

His status and company grew and grew, creating a name for himself and putting androids in every home, workplace, and office they could. He was proud of his work, but he always had a curiosity with more. He wondered if the machines he created could someday develop their own consciousness like the sci-fi novels he so loved growing up. Could it really be so easy as a single thought or number change? What if his own Chloe became her own person? Would she stay or would she leave him? Could she be her own person in the real world?

All of his questions couldn’t be answered before his mentor from his university, and good friend, Amanda Stern passed away in early 2027. With her help, he had been trying to answer his own questions, but, both of their busy schedules, along with her sudden illness, got in the way. Kamski was devastated, but, luckily he had a few good friends, including a painter who came to be better known in the 2020’s.

Determined to prove his theory about the consciousness of machines, Kamski proposed to his company the idea of sparking an android revolution. He already had the pieces needed, the perfect leader and a space to control it should things get out of hand. But, the executives didn’t like the idea. They thought he had lost his mind with his grief and was just seeking other outlets. But, sparking an android revolution without any real way to stop it was a terrible idea for business. They old Kamski maybe he just needed a break from it all, give himself time to grieve on his own time. Kamski took the action to heart as a betrayal and stepped down from his position.

He continued to work for the company for a year or so, working on his side project in secret. During this period, he retrofitted his “perfect leader” instead to be a caretaker for his dear friend after he was in an accident. No longer worrying about trying to spark the revolution, he left the programs needed for it inside him, but, took away his connection to the main program he would need to control it.

Finally deciding to officially leave the company, Kamski took his original RT600 he built, as well as a couple ST200s, to keep him company as he isolated himself from the world in his home. His house was built on the edge of the lake, overlooking the peninsula that the CyberLife tower was built on. He saw fit to still keep watch on his old company, if only for curiosity’s sake…

As for Chloe herself…

The RT600 spends her days at Elijah’s side, caring for him and making sure his life doesn’t fall apart. With a personality penned by Elijah Kamski himself, she resembles her creator in more ways than one. She can be just as clever, just as sneaky, and is absolutely protective of those she cares for. A loyal machine with the freedom of a deviant, but she’d never truly leave Elijah.

(To be updated if necessary)

#mobile rules #clay is in the kiln // ooc

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goldenworldsabound · 6 years

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Little biographies of each of my SIs below - post inspired by @benobiships!

From left to right

Fandom: Breath of the Wild - with a few modifications. Unbeknownst to most people (my SI included) the Champions didn't die - they got put into resurrection chambers, complete with puzzles to unlock and discover them. Is She Me?: This is one of my SIs who is a bit more of an OC than exactly being me, as far as personality goes. Like me, she thinks she's kind of clever (and to a degree she is), she's silly, she can come off a bit clumsy sometimes, and is sometimes lacking in the commonsense department. Her interests are pretty different than mine - she's fixated on the old Sheikah tech that's around, and desperately wants to get into a shrine. She's fairly in tune with the spirits and other mystical beings in Zelda-verse, because she's a Chosen One like Link/Zelda (though her role is much smaller). She's also hilariously weak like myself and doesn't know when to quit (also like myself). She can become easily hyper-fixated by ancient things, which is not so much like irl me. Role: My SI grows up in Kakariko Village. While people are nice enough, and Impa kind of takes care of her, she always feels like an outsider. She is not a Sheikah herself, and that is obvious. She often goes to visit the other Sheikah out in Hateno and Akkala, to learn about the tech and everything. However, she becomes frustrated with not being allowed to research certain things ("the shrines are for the Champion, don't touch them"), so she runs away. Impa knew that she was a Chosen One, part of the legend, and panics a bit that she's run away. But unfortunately, Kakariko cannot spare to send anyone to find her, with the Yiga Clan's returned presence. And thus begins her journey to ultimately resurrect all the Champions (starting with Urbosa, followed by Mipha, Daruk, and Revali). She later meets Link (and Zelda once the world is saved). F/O(s): Romantically, Urbosa and Mipha (sometimes as a polyamory, but typically a V if anything). Platonically, Daruk, Revali, Link, Zelda.

Tags: Modern History (Urbosa x Wendy), Rainfall in the Ruins (Mipha x Wendy), botw aesthetic, Urbosa, Mipha

Fandom: Star Trek TOS Is She Me?: Very literally. She is me but through time travel shenanigans she ends up in the future (Star Trek is the future!!!) on the USS Enterprise. She even used to watch the Star Trek tv show! Very literally me. Over time as she becomes a science officer and computer specialist of the future, she diverges from me a bit, as her time on Vulcan helps her calm her emotions, and she learns to defend herself a little bit. And Starfleet grows more discipline in her. Role: Once she orients herself to being spontaneously transported to the future and gets through the grieving of losing everything, she starts trying to learn and grow on the ship, with the story that she is McCoy's niece (Everyone kinda knows this isn't true but opt not to question it). Kirk and McCoy take it upon themselves to take care of her while she acclimates, and Spock gets roped in as well. He kind of knows she has a crush on him, but he doesn't really know what to do about it or how he feels, although over time he figures out both of those things. He helps teach her about technology and science in the future, and she is kind of like his apprentice. Eventually they confess their feelings to each other. After some time, it is decided that it is too dangerous for Wendy to stay on the ship long term. Now that she has acclimated to being in the future, they want her to go to school on Vulcan and properly train for Starfleet/Science Officer duties. She is super scared to be away from everyone but ends up doing it. She and Spock bond before that. She goes to school, makes some friends, some shenanigans happen (including a traumatic event of someone else trying to break her bond with Spock), and then the Enterprise comes back to pick her up after some time. F/O(s): Romantically, Spock. Platonically, Kirk and McCoy (who waffle between familial and best friend depending on the day tbh), and the entire bridge crew. Amanda and Sarek are her in-laws and she loves them like family.

Tags: Love is Fascinating (Spock x Wendy), Uncle Kirk, Uncle Bones, Spock, Star Trek Aesthetic

Fandom: Fantasy setting Royalty AU - an AU entirely of my own creation, in a fantasy setting that allows for magic, different sentient species, etc. Crossover with all faves and their verses. Is She Me?: She looks like me, but in fancy dresses. Our personalities are fairly different though. She's a very magnanimous Princess, who is very brave and very selfless, and also has a really amazing magical power. She speaks politely and well. She is physically weak like myself, and despite her interest in learning to defend herself she is not permitted such things. We both really like to read and learn, even if that interest turns out just to be a hobby. Notably, she is a great diplomat and speaker, though she doesn't really enjoy the former (I wouldn't say irl me is GREAT but is okay, though I do not enjoy it also) Role: She was an orphan as a child, taken in by the Sheikah, who make up the elite royal guards. Once it was noticed I had an amazing magic power, to make massive unbreakable shields, the King and Queen scooped me up and I became the Princess. I grew up and was trained, and eventually I chose for myself four elite guards, who also became my secret lovers. It was an unusual move, but being beloved by the people, it was allowed. The King and Queen clearly think of me more as a pawn than as their child, so it was important I surround myself with people who really cared about me. My power has protected the city on numerous occasions, and the elite guard I chose have protected me even more times than that. F/O(s): My elite guards and primary lovers are Spock, Urbosa, Akabayashi, and Shizuo, as a polyamorous clump of sorts, centered primarily around me. Impa is a secret romantic lover as well (childhood friend who became leader of the Sheikah tribe), though outside of that group. Mipha is a Princess from another Kingdom who I am publicly romantically involved with - while we both consider it temporary (as in we won't get married), it's great fun and keeps away the other suitors. She sometimes engages with my elite guard as well. There will be platonic faves appearing as well.

Tags: Royalty AU, Royalty Aesthetic

Fandom: Durarara!! (x2 focused) - in this AU I am part of the yakuza as well. Is She Me?: She is the most like an OC of any SI. She is an outlet for feeling powerless - she is angry, she is strong, and she gets shit done. She swears a lot (which is true to me irl) and talks shit, and delivers on those promises to hurt them when people wrong her. She's the aggressiveness that I feel inside me, but that irl me would never consider executing. She's terrible at introspecting and talking about emotions (not like irl me at all). However, she does have a secret love for Poke'mon and plushies (irl me loves Poke'mon and plushies...). And also magical shield powers that she has weaponized. Role: She was an orphan American child who somehow ended up in Japan - she was adopted by the head of a small yakuza that co-existed with the Awakusu-kai in Ikebukuro. While she considers herself Japanese and Japanese to be her first language, she does speak English, and she is often accused of being a foreigner because she looks that way. Her adopted grandfather (she sees him that way, not as a father) does not force her into the yakuza - she joins on her own. She loves to fight, and being his granddaughter is given a lot of free reign to do what she wants within the boundaries of the small yakuza. She goes to high school at the same time as Izaya/Shinra/Shizuo/Kadota. She catches a lot of shit for being a woman, but she kicks enough ass that eventually she makes a name for herself - the Crystalline Angel. In addition to just being badass at fighting, she discovers early on that she has a special power - to generate shields. But she learns that she can form these shields into any shape, including razor sharp blades. When she's serious about using those powers, it's hard to beat her. Her primary job in the yakuza is to watch over prostitutes and make sure no one is causing them trouble, and if they are, she kicks an entire ass. Ultimately, her grandfather passes away, but he cuts a deal with the Awakusu-kai (who he was on good terms with) to let her join them. The other executives don't take her seriously for a while, but she shapes up and proves herself to them. There's a lot of shit talking, and she falls for Akabayashi almost immediately - and he falls for her instantly too. F/O(s): Romantically, Akabayashi. Platonically, Shinra and Celty, and sort of Izaya. She would really not call them friends, but they have a storied history and she wouldn't say she hates him either. Platonically also all of the Awakusu-kai execs - Aozaki, Shiki, and Kazamoto. She and Kadota were friends in high school, but haven't spoken since then.

Tags: Sharp Lines and Soft Edges (yakuza!SI x Akabayashi), yakuza si, yakuza aesthetic, durarara aesthetic, Akabayashi

Fandom: Durarara!! Is She Me?: Yes, with a few modifications. She is me, but after I graduated college I moved to Japan to work there. And I speak Japanese relatively fluently. This means I discard a lot of the life experiences irl me had. Personality wise, we're generally pretty similar - kind and smart, but ready to lay down some sass at my friends. A little absent-minded at times. Differently, my SI here learns to fight fairly well, and also has magic shield powers. Role: She moves to Japan and almost immediately runs into trouble (depending on which F/O she's with, the trouble varies). She quickly learns that the city is full of bad people and unusual people, and finds herself making friends with the unusual people. In the verse where she dates Shizuo, she helps calm him down, and Izaya takes an interest in messing with her to mess with Shizuo. Things got complicated very fast. In the verse where she dates Akabayashi, she doesn't much learn to fight, as the yakuza protects her once her relationship with Aka is serious. In that verse she joins the Dollars before she finds out Akabayashi is in the yakuza, which is how she discovers her shield powers, despite not really knowing how to fight. F/O(s): Romantically, Shizuo or Akabayashi (not ever in the same verse). Platonically, Celty (BFF!) and Shinra are big friends of hers, as well as Anri being like a younger sister to her. She's also on good terms with the van gang in both verses.

Tags: Street Signs and Snuggles (Shizuo x Wendy), Red Devil’s Honey (Akabayashi x Wendy), durarara aesthetic, Shizuo, Akabayashi

#self insert #references #there are more and maybe one day I will update this post but this is enough for today :)

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yeonchi · 3 years

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Kisekae Insights #15: Hiroki and Akari’s Strawberry Mysteries Part 1 (with Hybrid explanation)

These next two instalments weren’t easy for me to write. Off the bat, the subject of these instalments is the relationship between the protagonist, Hiroki Ichigo, and his wife, Akari Ichigo. Why wasn’t it easy for me to talk about it? The subject and the storylines associated with it are heavily based on elements of my life and their associated fantasies.

Writing the review for Can You Hear Me? has really inspired me to talk about some high school friends who I wasn’t necessarily friends with (I say that because I never hung out with them much). In that review, I mentioned my high school crush as one person I was reminded of after watching the episode. The character of Akari is based on her, but this infatuation goes way deeper than you think given how much effort I put into writing her storylines in my project.

Portions of these storylines were inspired from the final episodes of certain TVB dramas from 2013-14. As such, I feel obligated to provide content (trigger) warnings as these storylines contain themes associated with mental illness, suicide and domestic violence.

In case you haven’t seen, I’m going to be giving my answer to the Hybrid in this instalment. I’m leaving the IRL context until Part 2 in the next instalment and I’ll also be taking a break after that. For now, enjoy the rollercoaster as we start going down the rabbit hole that is Hiroki and Akari’s relationship.

Hiroki Ichigo: The Enigma Beneath

You will notice that the character profiles for Hiroki and Akari are different from the ones I’ve done so far, particularly in that they have no job or personality descriptions. Aside from being officers or superheroes, any job I give them ends up being forgotten once the story arc gets going (I wish Chibnall could say the same about Yaz), so they don’t end up mattering anyway. As for Hiroki’s personality, I’ve already covered that in #2.

I’ve detailed Hiroki in his final incarnation here because most of the storyline revolves around this incarnation, but his previous incarnations do have significance in the storyline likewise.

Also, you will notice that I’ve designated Hiroki as the Hybrid. I’ve never really liked the Hybrid arc because it gave too many possibilities that pointed to multiple figures potentially being the Hybrid. Steven Moffat did reveal that the Hybrid was supposed to be the Doctor and Clara together, but to me, that’s just a red herring for the identity of the real Hybrid. This is my answer to the Hybrid arc – Hiroki Ichigo is the Hybrid.

Here are some of the criteria given for the Hybrid throughout Series 11 (BBC Series 9). The Hybrid is a creature crossbred from two warrior races, supposedly the Time Lords and the Daleks. According to all Matrix prophecies, the Hybrid will stand in the ruins of Gallifrey and unravel the Web of Time, breaking a billion billion hearts to heal its own.

Let’s break down the Doctor’s final line in Heaven Sent:

“The Hybrid is not half-Dalek. Nothing is half-Dalek. The Daleks would never allow that.” Just because the Doctor can say it can’t be half-Dalek doesn’t mean that it isn’t. Besides, Hiroki isn’t half-Dalek anyway – technically, he is part-Kaled, the Kaleds being the ancestors of the Daleks. But since the Kaleds are synonymous with the Daleks, this fulfills the Dalek portion of the Hybrid.

“The Hybrid destined to conquer Gallifrey and stand in its ruins… is me.” Some people believe “me” refers to Ashildr, also known as Me, but I think that the Doctor accusing Ashildr of being the Hybrid is just him deflecting the blame because he was in denial of being the Hybrid (plus, the Doctor seemed to prefer calling her Ashildr instead of Me). The Doctor was born from Hiroki, so the Doctor saying that is a bit of a stretch. However, to be fair, the Doctor didn’t even know who the Hybrid really was until Rassilon told him in Space Squad Part 3. In comparison, Hiroki realised that he was the Hybrid in the Decade finale.

Now, for the time being, Hiroki has never stepped foot on Gallifrey, but I’m planning on rectifying that in Soulbound Series 4. As for unravelling the Web of Time, that’s already been done if you count all the timeline changes I’m going to detail, so hopefully I won’t need to address that again. Since Hiroki is a warrior, you can bet that he’s broken as many hearts as he’s willing to break in order to heal his own.

So how did Hiroki become the Hybrid? Firstly, Hiroki was born a human with Time Lord and Jenova DNA (see #2). Later on, in 2012, Hiroki became part-Kaled/Dalek after his DNA got mixed up with Akari’s during a regeneration (read on to find out).

In 2018, during Age of Riders Forever, Hiroki found himself being pursued by alternate versions of himself who had banded together and based themselves in the Capital (like the Citadel of Ricks in Rick and Morty). Hiroki upgrades his vortex manipulator so he can travel in time. After incorporating Kamen Rider Wizard’s Time Ring into his manipulator and using his own body to calibrate it, Hiroki manages to go into the past and make contact with his past self multiple times.

At some point, Hiroki was found and brought to the Council (the equivalent of the Council of Ricks), where he was given a mission to detonate a memory bomb in exchange for leniency. He does so, but when the Council comes to pick him up, he refuses to go back with them and teleports away. Hiroki’s travels had caused numerous paradoxes, but his vortex manipulator caused the temporal energy to build up inside his body, which would rip him apart and scatter him throughout the Time Vortex instead of ending the universe.

Sure enough, Hiroki’s body was ripped apart, but his consciousness was saved by his ex-wife and her family that he saved inside the supercomputer in Dewey’s library on Never Land. They then sent Hiroki back out and made him a new body using fairy dust, pollen, the happiness of everyone on the Mainland, the remains of his DNA from his old body and about half a field’s worth of dandelion seeds. After that, Hiroki leads the fairies and Flowertots in an attack on the Capital, saving his friends while killing the Council and all the other versions of himself. With Hiroki now being part-fairy and part-Flowertot, he gained the ability to utilise some forms of Never Land magic, but because he doesn’t possess a source of magic or a connection to one, it requires some time to recharge naturally.

And so, that was the story of how Hiroki became the Hybrid.

Akari Ichigo: Mystery Girl Becomes Seductress Becomes Assassin Becomes Wife

I didn’t put a personality description for Akari in the pic mainly because she’s based on my crush and I have no idea what her personality is like. Therefore, my personality description for her would only be based on my impressions of her and what I think she would be like in the project. Needless to say, I didn’t put a lot of thought into it. When she’s good, she cares for Hiroki really much (though it’s mostly because of the hypnotic seduction perfume), but when she’s evil, she just doesn’t care about him. In the Series 9 finale, there’s a bit where she literally says “I’m gonna put a cap in your ass” in a yandere-like manner before Hiroki smacks her around and shoots her in the head, but we’ll come back to that in Part 2.

Originally, I was of the belief that Akari was born in 1998, making her six months younger than Hiroki, but I later found that I was one year off; Akari was actually born in 1999, making her eighteen months younger than Hiroki. This change doesn’t affect the story a lot, but I am kind of pissed that I didn’t know this earlier.

Akari’s paternal grandfather is a Kaled named Antoni, meaning that from him, she has a link to the Daleks. Akari was used by both her family and the Daleks as a tool to get to the Doctor by having her seduce and kill Hiroki. They didn’t know that Akari would end up getting seduced herself and before they knew it, she ended up getting in too deep that they had to wrench her off him with the help of Girl Power.

On top of that, they also didn’t know that Akari had made such an impact on Hiroki that he went to extreme lengths to either take her back or kill her. Akari never loved Hiroki, but she never had the guts to say it to his face and break off their relationship amicably. At the end of the Last Great Time War, when Girl Power were defeated for good, Akari got back with Hiroki and all was well again. Or so they thought…

The introductions are over. Let’s get into the story. Before I do, I want to clarify that Hiroki and Akari weren’t known by those names until 2014 onwards.

First meeting retcon

Based on the release order of my stories, Hiroki and Akari originally met in 2011 when they were in their secondary school armies. However, paradoxes, timeline changes and retcons have made that first meeting WAY earlier than that.

The root reason why schools were forming armies and fighting each other goes back to the 90’s when the state government established Arming Schools for the Future alongside One Country Two (Naming) Systems. Towards the end of the 90’s, a member of Akari’s family became an MP to prevent those two programs from being abolished when the opposition party formed government.

After Antoni went off to fight in the Time War, Kaled agent Neramix met with his children and helped them incite a war between the schools to support the Dalek cause. The two armies that they incited happened to be the kindergarten armies that Hiroki and Akari were in.

In March 2003, the two armies went into battle. This was the first battle of the Time War on Earth and the first battle for Hiroki and Akari. During the battle, Akari runs away from her unit and hides. Hiroki spots her and sneaks away from his unit to follow her. After encountering each other, they hide together and talk to pass the time. Akari doesn’t want to fight because she doesn’t want to make the world scarier than it already is, but Hiroki fights because he wants to make the world nice again. Hiroki decides to escape with Akari and take her home, but after a distraction involving two incarnations of the Doctor and some TARDISes, Parker finds Hiroki and drags him back into the battle, leaving Akari wondering what happened.

Thanks to that interaction, Neramix had what he needed to slowly mould Akari into Hiroki’s future killer. Neramix would be killed by Kamen Rider Decade soon after, but his intention was to have Antoni’s grandchildren, namely Akari’s brother and cousins, oversee this plan and fight in the Time War in place of their parents.

Over the next few years, Hiroki and Akari would meet out of nowhere, but little did they know that these meetings were a result of time manipulations by the Daleks. On top of that, additional changes to the timeline led them to meet more frequently.

By February 2010, Akari’s primary school army had become part of the Oda Army. Parker was planning a campaign for his primary school army to defeat the Oda, Mōri and Date armies and conquer their territories. He arranged for Hiroki to “defect” to Akari’s army and act as a spy for a few weeks. When the invasion occurred, Hiroki returned to his army, breaking Akari’s heart. Another few weeks later, the two of them reconciled when their armies encountered each other again in battle.

The date of their “first meeting” was rapidly approaching and at the way the timeline was going, the Web of Time would become damaged. In December 2010, during the primary school armies’ graduation ceremonies, the Master (Harold Saxon) used a dimensional splitter to transport them into a pocket dimension and pit them against each other in a “Graduation Battle Royale”. Hiroki and Akari met each other again, but Kamen Rider Decade arrives and fights them as he attempts to detonate a memory bomb (a replica of a forbidden weapon of the same name in the Omega Arsenal) between them. Decade evades them and successfully detonates the memory bomb just as the armies are returned to their rightful locations.

The memory bomb would supposedly restore people’s memories of the correct timelines and erase the memories of Hiroki and Akari interacting with each other before 2011. As a side effect, however, their timelines were burst open with metaphorical superglue on the broken ends. A couple of months later, in February 2011, Hiroki and Akari were in the same secondary school army. At the end of their first day, Hiroki and Akari encounter each other again, weeks before their actual first meeting. They accidentally touch hands as they dodge a falling flowerpot and as a result, they discover that they are fading out of existence until they touch hands. After seeing the Doctor, they discover that they have “Intertwined Pinkie Syndrome” – well, not really, but their timelines were fused and if they were to let go of each other, they would fade out of existence as their timelines would have no beginning or no end.

As such, Hiroki and Akari were forced to live together for the time being. The next few days went a bit like the two music videos below (because this storyline was inspired from them):

youtube

Later, the Doctor discovers that the effects can be reversed if Hiroki and Akari are willing to sacrifice their lives to save someone. At the same time, the two stop an old lady from being hit by a reversing van. Their hands let go, but they do not disappear. Their timelines return to normal and they go back to their own lives.

Without the courage to say “I’m sorry”

Finally, Hiroki and Akari meet each other for the first time in March 2011. Hiroki begins to fall in love with Akari and before long, their friends become aware of this along with Akari’s cousins, Daniel and David, meaning that the pieces of their plan are finally coming together. They formed the Teiro Army and began taking action by intruding into Hiroki’s battles. Eventually, after Parker’s death and the fall of the Sanada Army, they built up enough strength to ally with other armies, who have affiliations with Hiroki, and turned them against him.

Over the course of the next 16 months, Hiroki’s friends encouraged him to talk to Akari and ask her out, but he never ended up doing so, either because she was with her friends or he couldn’t muster up the courage to do so even when she was alone. He got more acquainted with Akari’s friends than Akari herself. When Akari and her friends founded Girl Power in February 2012, Hiroki just happened to be on the other side of Hong Kong. Eventually, Maya, one of Akari’s friends, tells Hiroki to talk to Akari before it is too late.

In May 2012, Hiroki writes a love letter for Akari, though this was partly as a result of a plot by his friends. She shows it to her cousins, who then launch an attack on Hiroki and his allies, the Takeda Army. Despite fighting each other in the battle, neither of them even brings up the love letter.

Later, in July 2012, the Teiro Army takes over Hiroki’s secondary school army, forcing him to escape with the Takeda Army. Daniel contacts Hiroki and tells him that they have taken his friends hostage. Hiroki realises what is going on and calls out Akari for being too scared to tell him face-to-face about the love letter, causing her to snap and agree to meet him alone.

Sure enough, the two of them meet alone in a hall or stadium. After some pressure from Hiroki, Akari admits that she doesn’t love him the same way he loves her, but they can still be friends. Hiroki accepts her offer, but Daniel throws some rape gas (that he stole from the police) at them, saying that they don’t deserve each other.

Going on a tangent for a bit, rape gas is similar to tear gas, but the principle of how it works is basically “rape or be raped” – depending on a person’s mental state, they would either faint or develop the urge to sexually assault anyone in sight. In July 2011, the police first tested the rape gas at a university, where protesters and counter-protesters were protesting about kids fighting in armies, racism/crime, climate change, the fact that you can drive from Melbourne to Tokyo in a matter of hours and ACAB. However, this time around, Daniel modified the rape gas, meaning that Hiroki or Akari would have to violate or kill the other person in order to get out alive.

Hiroki and Akari managed to resist the effects of the gas, fighting each other until Parker and a few others, who had managed to free themselves, break in and save them. Parker dispels the effects of the rape gas from them, causing them to lose their memories of the past couple of hours as they are knocked out. They regain consciousness later before Hiroki, Parker and their allies purge the Teiro Army and their allies from the city.

Under his spell

Following the final battle against the Teiro Army, the Arming Schools for the Future program was abolished and the armies would become schools again once the holidays were over. Hiroki was given the privilege to choose whether he would stay with his army or leave and he chose to leave. For a while, Parker gave Hiroki a choice to join him or become a ronin (wanderer), but he refused because of Akari. The reason why he decided to leave was because people had become afraid of him following the events of the battle. Instead of joining Parker or the Takeda Army, he decided to become a ronin because aside from fighting, he had nothing else to live for.

Hiroki decided to travel the land while Akari went to Okinawa with her cousins, Narutaki and Veronica. Hiroki’s travels would eventually lead him to Okinawa, where a parallel version of himself from a parallel universe would help him ask Akari out by spraying him with some hypnotic seduction perfume. Akari became caught in the perfume’s spell and so, she and Hiroki became a couple.

A few months later in November, the Salacian Time War came along. Hiroki and Akari were not involved in the war itself, but they played a role in its endgame. Hiroki and Akari were hanging out with the latter’s friends when Daniel had them kidnapped and taken to their base in the Serra do Mar mountain range, codenamed “the forests of Wanmokai”. Hiroki is subjected to a weapon known as the Dehydrator, which sucks the strength out of the victim and drives their brain to the point of insanity. After a while, he manages to untie himself before falling to the ground. Following a meta-crisis regeneration which results in Takumi Kamijō being born and escaping from the base, Hiroki and Akari are found by Parker, who teleports them back to his base in Santos.

Later, Parker and the others are trying to power up the Harmony Signal, but even with Ultimate Madoka’s help, they still can’t get it fully charged. Hiroki is still struggling to regenerate following the meta-crisis and requires a catalyst in order to regenerate, so he decides to propose to Akari. As they kiss, Hiroki regenerates, but his DNA gets mixed up with Akari’s, making him part-Kaled (fulfilling the Time Lord and Dalek requirements for the Hybrid) and making his subsequent prototypes their children. The new prototype, Kumiko Hayashi, is able to provide Parker with enough energy to fully charge the Harmony Signal.

At this point, some people would say that dating for 3-4 months before proposing is a bit fast, but when you think about it, they’ve known each other for nearly two years, or nine years with seven on-and-off.

After another year of dating and getting caught in turbulent events, Hiroki and Akari got married in December 2013, with Princess Celestia acting as their celebrant and singer Miyuki Nakajima featuring as a guest at their reception.

A chaotic marriage

Even before his wedding, Hiroki had suspected that Girl Power was plotting something behind the scenes and that if he were to walk into their trap, he would die. Borrowing the Pony Doctor’s TARDIS, Hiroki went on a farewell tour in order to delay his own wedding, but upon hearing that his old friend, one of the commanders from his primary school army, had died, Hiroki decides to accept his fate.

The day after Hiroki and Akari’s wedding, a man named Reona Yukawa (a man from a hentai game with an IQ of 256) worked with the Master to save Antoni from the Crucible. Soon after, the Daleks begin attacking Hong Kong. Hiroki and Akari work with the Fourth Doctor as they meet with Parker and Violet, who defeat the Daleks with newer Daleks. For context, it is the bronze (Time War) Daleks fighting against the coloured Daleks of the New Dalek Paradigm. Despite their reception, I’ve never liked how the latter was underused throughout the series, so I thought I’d give them some love here. Meanwhile, the Fifth Doctor is in seclusion on Paris Island with Marco Wong and his wife, Princess Maritan (from the manga that teaches Japanese people how to swear in English with army imagery).

Suddenly, Antoni transports the landmasses containing the Doctor and his friends to their base at Koshi Castle in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Hiroki, his prototypes and their partners are taken and they have their germ cells taken and placed in the Progenitor, rendering them infertile as the Daleks breed super-soldiers out of them. Soon after, Akari is kidnapped and brainwashed by Girl Power, who pairs her with a new husband, a white man (I don’t know why I pointed that out, that makes me sound racist) named Shaun. When Hiroki and the Fourth Doctor find them, Hiroki tries to grab Akari, but he is shot by all the Girl Power officers. The Fourth Doctor runs away to find Parker and Violet while Hiroki makes his way back to his TARDIS and regenerates into a new prototype, a four-year-old boy who would be named Kyōya Shinomiya.

In the Progenitor, a baby is being grown from Hiroki and Akari’s DNA – their daughter, who would be named Kasumi Shinomiya. Due to Takumi’s interference, the baby would end up in Manchester in December 2005, coincidentally the same place where Akari and Shaun would encounter Kyōya and Kasumi and form a family together. Meanwhile, Hiroki, having lost his magical boy powers following his regeneration, accepts a deal from the witch Walpurgisnacht and manifests into a female incarnation who would call herself Momoka Mizutani. Momoka opened up a Hong Kong-style café in Salford, with red drone Daleks disguising as her human staff, and for the next eight years, Momoka would become acquainted with the Shinomiya family as they became regular customers. She also uses an infostamp to make contact with Kyōya, unbeknownst to the rest of his family.

Eight years later, the Fourth and Fifth Doctors arrive in Manchester. They encounter each other and head to Momoka’s café to talk. Just as they learn who actually owns the café (Hiroki), Ayaka Kikuchi comes in with her army and engages in a shootout with Momoka and the Daleks. After defeating Ayaka’s army, Momoka transmats herself and the Shinomiya family to her ship, where she prepares to have Ayaka, Shaun, Kyōya and Kasumi exterminated using the Yashio’ori, a mythical weapon (from Warriors Orochi 3) capable of firing Dalek energy rays like machine guns or a concentrated laser beam that can pierce even dwarf star alloy. Unfortunately, the Yashio’ori was sabotaged by Ayaka and her allies so that the laser beam would not charge after Momoka fired it once during a demonstration.

Momoka is killed in the ensuing battle, but Walpurgisnacht took over her body and regenerated her, allowing her to continue with her plan. She searches out people who had wronged her over the years and enacts her own brutal justice on them. She also begins to experience psychosis brought on by a regenerative crisis, causing her to hallucinate her previous incarnation. The Doctors and Parker catch on to this and begin searching for her. Parker and Violet encounter her at UNIT and they convince her to surrender herself and not give up hope that things will be better. As Momoka proclaims that she still has unfinished business to take care of, Parker and Violet decide to work together with her so they can help her find the help she needs.

After confronting the Shinomiya family again, Momoka shoots Akari in the arm and kidnaps Shaun. She takes a video of him confessing to stealing Hiroki’s wife from him and sends it to Parker and the Doctors. Under the guise of delivering the ransom money to Momoka, Violet picks her up at a carpark and takes her to a getaway car she and Parker left for her. However, when they get there, Momoka is cornered, so she lets Violet go before she shoots herself in the head. Her body disappears as her TARDIS takes her away.

All this time, Reona, Antoni and the Master had used the distraction provided by their allies to prepare an army to start another Parallax War. The Daleks prepare to bind Akari and Shaun’s minds together as they prepare to become the emperor and empress of the new Girl Empire, but Kyōya, Kasumi and Momoka had been working to prevent this. Momoka summoned Hiroki’s past incarnations, along with his prototypes and even Storm Dasher, to fire infostamps at the throne, separating Akari from Shaun and breaking her from her conditioning. As the mind-breaker’s efficiency approaches 100%, Momoka uses a key to connect her mind with Akari, intertwining their timelines and making their previous encounters with each other fixed points in time.

Akari is freed, but all the Daleks turn on Reona, Antoni and the Master. After the first two are exterminated, the Master destroys Koshi Castle with a nuclear device before escaping, killing all the Daleks and super-soldiers with it. Girl Power managed to escape as well and most of their members went into hiding, but Shaun was apprehended off-screen, convicted of war crimes and sentenced to cryogenic suspension. Following this, Momoka regenerated into Hiroki, her final incarnation, and got back together with Akari. As a result of events, they (and some others) were eight years older than they should be.

This storyline was inspired by the final episodes of A Great Way to Care II (仁心解碼II), with Momoka being based on the character Apple Lam Chung-yan (林頌恩) played by Tavia Yeung (楊怡). Momoka would become a prototype and return in Series 9.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for now. If you thought that last storyline was harrowing enough, wait till you get to Part 2. It’s the part where things get turbulent and I cross the lines of morality so many times that you’ll be calling me an incel before you even get to the IRL context. My judgement day is nigh. See you in the next instalment.

#kisekae insights

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freedom-of-fanfic · 7 years

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I need your help friend, the fandom is at stake: can you do a quick recap of why shipping isn't activism? And I don't mean just in terms of antis, but also the anti-backlash where people defend their ships by trying to prove they're actually progressive (which would still imply you need to prove your ship is not harmful before shipping it). Fans may have good intentions and mean no harm, but social justice is not achieved through fantasy.

what a good question. let me see if I can do this justice with a good answer.

Why Shipping is Not Activism

(edited on August 6th, 2018, 1 year after initial writing)

First off: let’s define ‘shipping’ as ‘desiring two characters to have romantic and/or sexual interactions and using social media or fanworks to share this desire with others.’ So: specifically looking at shipping as a social activity here, because I hope we can all agree that ‘shipping it’ - simply wishing for two characters to have some kind of interaction in your head - is not activism because it’s thoughts, which on their own nobody else knows about and thus can’t have an impact.

Shipping as activism is mainly talked about in the context of being ‘queer/LGBT representation’, and everything else is treated as secondary.* So I’ll be talking about this primarily from that POV.

Okay.

shipping is not activism because shipping doesn’t do two important things that activism does:

shipping does not generate or act as mainstream representation

shipping does not increase awareness or change social values

and that’s okay. Shipping doesn’t need to do these things because shipping takes place in a microcosm. Fandom is but a tiny, tiny fraction of internet and social activity as a whole. No matter how ‘progressive’ we collectively are, only in the rarest cases will we make a meaningful impact on society as a whole.

Shipping serves a different, but no less important purpose, which I’ll get into below.

That’s the short version. the long version is below.

Shipping is not activism because:

Shipping is a fandom-specific activity and fandom doesn’t make much of a social impact. We get talked about a lot by the creators because we’re the people most likely to have contact with them and provide feedback on their content; we have an impact on creators in that sense. But apart from coming to cons and talking on social media, when we get mainstream attention it’s almost always to talk about how weird we are. Also, we don’t cause social change. We can fan over something that already exists, but we can’t cause a show with better representation to be created.

Because of this:

Meaningful, mainstream representation of LGBT/queer relationships come from mainstream media, and fandom is not the main force acting on mainstream media productions. Remember when korrasami became canon in the last few minutes of the last episode of Korra because the creators knew about the shippers? Congratulations: you’re looking at an outlier that took a lot of very specific circumstances and luck to have happen. And most importantly: it wasn’t done to please the shippers. Shippers may have given them the idea, but it was done because canon korrasami would create visible bisexual/LGBT representation. It was possible because the show was only airing online, to a smaller audience, and because of the herculean efforts of LGBT/queer activists over the last century to get our collective visibility and acceptability as high as it is (and yes, we have a long way to go, but we’re miles past where we were even 10 years ago.)

Current fandom seems to carry the belief that if we just ship hard enough and loud enough, the creators of an ongoing mainstream media will reward us by making our favorite ship canon.** The reality is we rarely, if ever, make a meaningful impact on the direction that canon takes. We’re a small, small part of the consumer base - a loud one, but small! We’re often not the aimed-at demographic, either, so pleasing us is the last thing the execs trying to make a buck are thinking about. The material we’re fanning over is already old news to producers; short canons are usually already finished by the time we receive it, and longer ones are at least a season ahead in production time. (If we do make an impact, we won’t see it for at least a year or more.) Shows must meet decency standards, and LGBT/queer relationships are still seen as higher-rated than their cishet counterparts. Executives care about what will sell ad space or toys more than what fandom wants.

The fact of the matter is we have the cause and effect backwards.

Ships being ‘good representation’ is a function of increased mainstream media representation of marginalized identities, not the other way around. When media was entirely full of characters who were white cis men, we shipped white cis men. And as media slowly stops having nothing but white cis men, we’re … still shipping white cis men a lot, because there’s still a lot of them and there’s still a societal bias that tells us that white cis men are the most important/interesting people (and simultaneously, because they are unmarked, we can’t accidentally fall into stereotype pits while fanning them), but we’re shipping more and more non-white, non-cis, non-male characters too.

Real social activism leads to increased media representation - like the reclaiming of the word ‘queer’ in the late 80′s/early 90′s leading to a TV show called ‘Queer as Folk’ and featuring gay characters. And increased media representation leads to more marginalized characters for fandom to ship.

While transformative fandom does, to an extent, change things from canon to represent ourselves more - or just to suit our fancy! - canon always reigns supreme and is the most widespread version of the characters. Canon becoming more diverse will always have more of an effect on fandom than fandom being diverse/having diverse content will ever have on canon.

Besides:

The desire to see ships become canon is not primarily motivated by generating healthy representation of marginalized identities. Fans have been wanting their favorite ships to become canon since the Stone Ages. The Harry Potter fandom wars were all about what was most canon: Harry/Hermione, Hermione/Ron, or Harry/Ginny. Notably: Draco/Harry is not one of the pairings I list, because nobody thought there was the remotest chance that Draco/Harry would ever become canon. It’s only recently that LGBT/queer rep in particular has been making a meaningful appearance in mainstream media, and suddenly slash ships have entered the ‘will it be canon!?’ fray. And some mlm fans feel they have more ‘right’ to canon because mlm ships are LGBT/queer rep.

Here’s the thing: if this was really about representation, then we’d all be celebrating if any mlm pairing became canon. No matter which pairing is ‘more progressive’, any LGBT/queer canon representation is better than none. But (surprise!) it’s not; the ‘queer rep!’ battle cry is just an additional cannonball in the arsenal of ongoing ship wars.*** And I venture to say that most mlm shippers engaged in a ship war would rather see an unrelated het pairing become canon than their rival mlm ship.

And this is because:

Shipping is not, and never has been, primarily about creating healthy marginalized representation.

Don’t get me wrong: transformative fandom is heavily LGBT/queer/mentally ill/disabled/otherwise underrepresented, and we often create transformative fanworks that bring our identities into the story. That’s awesome self-fulfillment, and it can really bless and excite fellow fans who see fandom content that makes them feel more welcomed and recognized. However.

Generating marginalized representation isn’t the primary motive for shipping. We ship out of love. We see the dynamics between two characters and think ‘oh, that’s hot’ or ‘I’d like to see more of that’. We ship for fun. We ship because we think two characters would look good together. We ship because we imagine ourselves as one character and have a crush on the other. We ship things for many, many reasons, many I haven’t mentioned here, maybe as many reasons as there are people in fandom doing shippy things. And to that end, I’m sure that some people do decide what to ship purely because they believe it represents minority groups that need representation - but it would be too much to say that’s the main reason people ship things.

Shipping doesn’t need to be about creating healthy marginalized representation because:

Fiction is not reality; a person can ship the ‘right’ ships and still be a bigot IRL. and visa versa. Because we interact with fiction and reality in different ways, there are people who really love mlm ships but still think gay marriage is icky. On the other hand, a person can be the loudest activist for LGBT/queer causes in real life and only ship het ships in fandom, just because the dynamics of het ships pings their fancy more.

Shipping as activism preaches to the choir. Shipping being a fandom-specific activity, and many of us being oppressed ourselves, shipping the ‘right’ ship to increase awareness in the microcosm of fandom isn’t really accomplishing anything. Most of us are ourselves LGBT/queer, or friends with people who are LGBT/queer. Most of us are aware of how much pain the lack of representation in mainstream media brings on. And most of us are sensitive to the fact that we’re not the only oppressed person in fandom space and are willing to learn more about how we can help other oppressed people.

If I could sum up the problems of current fandom, it’s that we assume that nobody else is #woke (even though most of us are sufferers).

In that sense, shipping the ‘right’ ship doesn’t bring more awareness; it acts as a signal to others that you have awareness, and hopefully protects you from being erased or harassed as an ignorant asshole (’cishet’).

Most importantly:

Shipping isn’t activism, but it does something else great: it lets marginalized fans express and indulge themselves in any way that pleases them.

- fandom is hugely made of underrepresented minorities, so shipping is a way that we express ourselves and relate to one another - whether those ships are ‘progressive’ or not. So, so many of us deal with social stigma or harassment or hate in our real lives; we consume media to get away from that, and we indulge in fandom to get away from that.

Most of us are, just by existing and demanding space in the world, activists for the rights of the marginalized and oppressed.

I’ve had some people disagree with me on this, but I stand by it. many people in fandom have orientations/identities/nd/etc that politicize our existence. When we are ‘out’ - when we are visible - and vocally demanding recognition for our lives by being visible and refusing to compromise, we are activists by existence. And many of us are allies, taking political action on behalf of others. and many of us are both - marginalized this way, allies to people marginalized that way.

the actions we take as activists in the real world are the ones that matter - not fandom.

Fandom is a space for us to play with each other and connect over something fun and pleasant, and those fun and pleasant things don’t have to be activist things. We’re allowed to take a break.

The importance of activism and representation is to benefit the marginalized and oppressed, letting us be recognized and less stigmatized, and deconstructing the social and political structures that work against us leading fulfilling lives. When we use shipping the ‘right’ ship as a bludgeon to attack one another, we are literally defeating the purpose of our own causes. We’re stigmatizing each other for our fandom interests. And we’re certainly not deconstructing any social structures that harm us!

In conclusion: The way we can be most activist in transformative fandom is, no joke, to care more about the fact that almost everyone else here is marginalized too than that one another’s ships aren’t marginalized enough.

fandom is different from the way it used to be: it’s more visible, more mixed with non-fandom, and easier to access. certainly, it’s important to make clear where we’re addressing relationship stuff for fandom versus relationship stuff for real life. there’s value in taking steps to counteract the harm done by lack of education about sex, consent, and healthy relationships, particularly as LGBT+/queer people, or people who need access to & information about reproductive health care taking care of one another in a world that doesn’t care enough about us.

but educating each other doesn’t happen through a ship: it happens through open, friendly communication. shipping can open the door to communication, but it can’t substitute for straightforward honesty.

Let’s foster healthy interaction and honest communication wherever we can: by celebrating each other and our creative endeavors - instead of creatively locking us down with terror of getting erased or driven out of fandom by demanding everything be treated as a teaching opportunity.

be kind to one another.

(the rest of the world is not going to do it for us.)

–

*In talking about ships as representation we generally start with ‘this ship is queer/LGBT’ and then use all other axes of oppression to prove which ship is ‘more progressive’, i.e. - F1nnPoe and Ky1ux are both mlm, but F1nnPoe is more pure because it’s a black man and a Latino man as opposed to two white men. (Occasionally race will also be talked of as the primary point of value, depending on the fandom.)

**On a side note, this whole paragraph is also why it’s unlikely that fandom being ugly will ever cause a show to be cancelled or a pairing will get changed in canon because some fans were nastier than others. We’re like bugs with stingers: scary and painful but ultimately not that impactful (unless you’re allergic, I guess, but forget that part of the metaphor).

***This is part of where the ‘I have to prove my ship is wholesome/their ship is evil’ stuff comes from: ‘proving’ to creators that your ship is the ‘better’ queer representation because it either covers more marginalized bases or is ‘more pure’, making it less objectionable for mainstream representation. (the joke is that bigots don’t care how pure an LGBT/queer ship is: they’re gonna still think it’s awful because it’s LGBT/queer.)

PS - I don’t think this answer really addresses why arguing about purity of ships is a bad plan, but this is already so long that I’ll address that somewhere else I think.

#shipping is not activism #in defense of shipping #queer representation #this is an americentric post #in defense of freedom to fandom #*chanting* SHIP WAR SHIP WAR SHIP WAR

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trendsdresscom · 4 years

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To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Fun Facts

Noah Centineo almost played someone else.

Lara Jean (a.k.a. Lana Condor) had crushes on a bunch of different dudes in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, including instant fan-favorite Peter Kavinsky (Centineo). But Centineo almost played another one of Lara’s crushes, Josh—that is, until director Susan Johnson saw how much chemistry Condor and Centineo had from the onset.

“When we did chemistry reads, I knew I loved Israel, and I knew I loved Noah, but I wasn’t sure who would play which role,” she told IndieWire. “I initially was thinking of Noah for Josh, because I thought, ‘Oh, he seems like boy next door,’ but then once I saw Lana and Noah’s chemistry I knew we had to go that direction. Israel was great with Janel. I thought that fit really well.”

Hollywood execs tried to whitewash the characters.

Hollywood has been preaching the importance of representation for quite some time, but it wasn’t until recently that we finally started to see a turning point. From Black Panther to Crazy Rich Asians and even TATBILB joining in with an Vietnamese-American lead. However, author Jenny Han revealed in an essay she wrote for The New York Times that producers tried to coax her to whitewash the characters.

“Even before the book came out in 2014, there was interest in making a movie. But the interest died as soon as I made it clear the lead had to be Asian-American,” she wrote. “One producer said to me, as long as the actress captures the spirit of the character, age and race don’t matter. I said, well, her spirit is Asian-American. That was the end of that.”

Lara’s lockscreen photo wasn’t staged for the movie.

There’s a scene in TATBILB where the camera focuses on Lara’s iPhone l0ckscreen, which shows a photo of her and Peter napping on a couch. As perfect as that photo was for the scene, it turns out it wasn’t intended for the movie and was an IRL shot of Condor and Centineo on set.

“The two of them were in the green room on set at the high school location, in the area where we put the actors,” Johnson said to ET Online. They actually were sleeping on the couch in that room like that, so we just stood over them and took that picture and it’s so friggin’ cute.”

Condor and Centineo developed their “hot tub” chemistry way before the scene.

The steamy hot tub scene, you know when Lara leaps over to Peter and gives him a big ol’ smooch, seemed almost too perfect and that’s mainly due to the characters’ off-screen chemistry.

“We went to the hot tub all the time in our apartments and stuff,” Condor said to People. “The transition was super easy to bring to the camera. I’m so blessed to have worked with him—he’s an awesome guy.”

Condor and Centineo bonded through hot yoga.

The on-screen lovebirds also strengthened their chemistry by attending hot yoga classes when they first met.

“Very early on in the stages of production, we went to yoga together. It was hot yoga and I feel like that maybe was the moment where we became friends outside of work as well,” she recalled. “You know, doing yoga with a person is kind of intimate so I think doing that [at the beginning of] shooting, really helped us connect and feel comfortable around each other.”

Condor and Madeleine Arthur improvised their ski lodge arrival scene.

In the scene when Lara and Chris arrive at the ski lodge, they begin to discuss Chris attending an EDM concert, which was never written in their script. Arthur (Chris) told Shine On Media that the scene was “ad-libbed.”

Jordan Bruchett auditioned to play Peter.

Centineo’s character, Peter Kavinsky, was almost played by Jordan Bruchett, who ended up playing Lara’s model UN crush John Ambrose McClaren in TATBILB. However, the character was recast for the sequel.

Kavinsky moving the popcorn off the couch was improvised.

The cast members of the film had a lot of room to improvise in their scenes, including the scene where Kavinsky had a pillow fight with Lara Jean’s younger sister and moved the bowl of popcorn on the floor. Everyone knows that pillow fights can get messy, and Peter Kavinsky made sure his (fake) girlfriend and her sisters wouldn’t have to do any hard labor afterwards. A MAN.

He also improvised that scene where he spins Lara Jean around by her back pocket.

Remember Lara Jean’s first rule in the contract? No kissing, but Peter is allowed to put his hand in her back pocket, à la Sixteen Candles. The two go on to make their (fake) couple debut in the school cafeteria, where Peter adorably spins Lara Jean around by her back pocket to face him. It’s one of their cutest moments in the movie, and Centineo totally improvised it. According to the film’s director Susan Johnson, “He did it in the rehearsal and I was like, ‘That is beautiful, we’re going to change the shot around!'”

The gold necklace that Kitty wears throughout the movie says “feminist.”

Kitty Covey is one of the film’s cult characters for her spunky personality and good-natured teasing of Lara Jean. And it turns out the youngest Covey sister is a budding feminist too. Throughout the movie, Kitty wears what looks like a bar necklace, but it’s actually the word “feminist” dangling in golden script.

The Netflix film was actually a book first.

As with all great movies these days, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before had its inception as a novel. The book was written by Jenny Han and published by Simon & Schuster in 2014 as a 421-page novel in the young adult fiction genre. Two more books were written too, leaving plenty of material for more films.

Lara Jean’s letters are based on something the book’s author does IRL.

If Lara Jean’s fictional love letters felt real to you, there’s good reason. It turns out To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before‘s author has a habit of writing letters (and then not sending them) to get closure from ended relationships. She disclosed this in a screenshot of a 2010 email to a colleague that she posted to Instagram, where she also revealed she knew the title for To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before before she knew the plot.

Lara Jean and Peter sit at the same table where Dr. Covey used to sit with the Covey daughters’ mom.

In the scene where Dr. Covey takes Lara Jean to the diner, he explains that they were sitting at the very table where he and Lara Jean’s mother used eat all the time, and where she’d play the same song over and over. It’s the same table where Lara Jean and Peter later enjoy a cherry coke and a chocolate shake.

Emilija Baranac channeled Mean Girls to play Gen.

When asked how she got into character for her girl role as Peter’s ex, Gen, Baranac told Shine On Media: “I just thought I am Regina George.”

The Covey sisters are just as close IRL.

They may bicker onscreen, but the Covey sisters are ride and die—just like the actresses in real life. Janel Parrish, Anna Cathcart, and Condor expressed just how excited they were to be working together again with an adorable triple Instagram.

Before filming started, Jenny Han gave Condor a “Get Ready Pack.”

The “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Get Ready Pack” was designed to help the Condor get into character and included Korean snacks, sheet masks, candles, a diary, and stationery.

While on set, Han and Condor reportedly formed a deep connection, bonding over similar upbringings and adolescent experiences. “From the very beginning, I told Lana I want her to keep working and for this to be a great stepping stone for the rest of her career,” Han told Glamour. “Young white actresses, like Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Watson, who are at the helms of YA franchises go on to have these big, amazing careers. I just wanted Lana to be able to have those same kind of opportunities. I didn’t want it to be just a one-time thing for her to be the lead of a romantic comedy.”

The sequel is based off of the second book.

Before Netflix picked up the project, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before was a book trilogy—as in three books! Immediately after the success of the first movie, fans started begging for a sequel. In December 2018, Netflix confirmed the rumors with a holiday-themed promo. The film is set to release on the streaming network on February 12—so get your popcorn ready.

And the full cast is returning.

Lana Condor, Noah Centineo, Anna Cathcart, Janel Parrish, John Corbett, Emilija Baranac, and Madeline Arthur will all be in the TATBILB sequel.

Lara Jean and Peter are dating in the sequel—for real!

The sequel’s trailer shows the two main character’s navigating their first real relationship without a contract after faking their relationship in the last movie.

But it won’t be smooth sailing for the couple.

Audiences fell in love with Peter and Lara Jean, but it doesn’t look like the sequel is going to be the lovefest people are hoping for. Netflix announced that a third main character John Ambrose McClaren will stir things up, played by Jordan Fisher.

Lara Jean might not end up with Peter.

Breathe. It’s going to be okay, but yes, in the trailer it appears that Lara Jean is seen all dolled up and holding hands with none other than, John Ambrose McClaren. We’re waiting for context here.

The premiere has already happened.

Even though To All the Boys I’ve Ever Loved: PS. I Still Love You premieres on Netflix on February 12, the stars celebrated the film’s premiere on February 4.

Ross Butler is joining the cast.

In April, Netflix confirmed that 13 Reasons Why actor Ross Butler will play Peter Kravinsky’s best friend, Trevor Pike.

And so is Sarayu Blue.

Holland Taylor will also be a new face.

There isn’t too much information about her character, Stormy. But in the books, she was John’s grandmother, and in a new trailer, she appears to be a confidant of sorts for a conflicted Lara Jean.

Condor and Centineo love each other IRL.

“I really do still love you,” shared Condor on Instagram (along with an adorable snap of the pair at the premiere). The two say it’s a platonic love, and both are dating other people.

The first film’s director didn’t return for the sequel.

Although TATBILB director Susan Johnson wanted to work on the sequel, she had a scheduling conflict with production. Instead, her colleague and the first film’s director of photography, Michael Fimognari, took over for the second installment.

Netflix is releasing an exclusive soundtrack for the sequel.

The soundtrack for the first movie blew up, even though Netflix didn’t release anything officially. So this time around TATBILB is making sure to give fans what they want, which means exclusive vinyl and CD copies of the movie’s soundtrack sold at Urban Outfitters.

A third film is coming.

Condor and Centineo spilled the tea with fans when they announced that not only is a third film happening, but it’s already in post-production! Netflix confirmed the threequel, but hasn’t announced a release date yet.

And the threequel already has a title.

You can thank Condor for this juicy tidbit too. Join us as we try to figure out any and all spoilers about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: Always and Forever, Lara Jean. It’s based off the third book in the trilogy, which has the same title.

Jordan Fisher isn’t confirmed for the third film—that we know of.

We sense that Netflix is holding off for the sake of spoilers. Fisher appeared in the promotional video that announced the third film, but he wasn’t included in the shot that revealed the news, so read into that as you will.

There definitely won’t be a fourth movie.

Even though there are only three books, deep down some fans were secretly hoping there’d be more movies. Sadly, Centineo crushed those hopes with one tweet: “Tonight was my last night as Peter Kavinsky. I hope you all love these last installments as much as we do. Forever grateful for the opportunity to be yours. Thank you, Lana, thank you, Michael, Thank you, Matt Thank you Netflix, grateful to every person who told this story with us.”

Jenny Han hadn’t planned on writing a third TATBILB book.

After the success of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, author Jenny Han decided to continue Lara Jean’s story with one more book. But apparently her third and final installment to the trilogy, Always and Forever, Lara Jean, was just as much of a surprise to her as it was to her fans. The author explained to Bustle that she was deep into another project, but that she kept wanting to go back to Lara Jean: “I just saw myself feeling really nostalgic about Lara Jean. There are actually a couple storylines that I wanted to finish out in the second book that I didn’t, so I thought that I could do that with this last book.”

Centineo wants the sequel to be like Twilight.

As in, he doesn’t want there to be a clear favorite between Peter Kavinsky and John Ambrose in the sequel’s love triangle. “I would like to see fans bicker about it and have it be like the whole Edward Cullen-Jacob thing [from Twilight]. I love that,” Centineo told EW.

Condor was a fan of naps on the TATBILB set.

As the lead, Condor was constantly napping in order to conserve her energy for upcoming scenes. It’s a habit that seemed to rub off on her costar, Centineo. “He actually said, ‘‘wow, as I was shooting The Stand-In, I really remembered how much you conserved your energy on To All the Boys, because it’s just so demanding,'” Condor told CNBC Make It.

Condor started a YouTube channel.

The young star announced her new channel, where she plans to “share more of my life” with fans, via Instagram. She’s already released her first video and, spoiler alert, it’s a makeup lover’s dream.

Fisher is engaged in real life.

He may be involved in a high school love triangle in the sequel, but Fisher’s real life relationship status is far less complicated. The singer announced his engagement to longtime girlfriend Ellie Woods in May.

You can now look just like Lara Jean.

Jenny Han has written other best-selling books.

TATBILB wasn’t Jenny Han’s first rodeo with YA fiction. The author is also responsible for The Summer I Turned Pretty series, which could be made into a movie next.

Condor gained millions of followers after the first film.

Condor recalls the morning after TATBILB premiered on Netflix during a guest appearance on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon: “I woke up the next morning and my phone was just, like blowing up. I checked on my Instagram and it was just millions of followers. And in my head I can only think of ‘that is one million human beings, just lined up in a row, holding hands around the world.’”

Fisher actually played the piano—and wrote John Ambrose’s letter in the sequel.

If you weren’t already in love with John Ambrose McClaren, this fact about Fisher will seal the deal. His piano solo and sweet response to Lara Jean’s letter? Both came courtesy of the actor himself. He tweeted, “Oh and yes that was actually me playing piano. OH and I actually wrote the letter that John Ambrose sent back to Lara Jean. Wrote, sealed, everything.”

The third movie will explore the relationship between Dr. Covey and Trisha

An unexpected love story to emerge from the To All the Boys sequel? The one between Lara Jean’s father, played by John Corbett, and their neighbor Trina, played by Sarayu Blue.

During an interview with Entertainment Tonight, Janel Parrish, who plays oldest Covey sister Margot, said the next movie will explore the relationship. “One of my favorite parts of the third film is watching this budding relationship with our dad and his new lovely, beautiful, sexy woman,” she said. “There’s definitely some mixed reactions with the girls, and there may be some friction in the beginning.”

Fisher listened to “Good Life” by Kanye West on set.

When asked at the movie’s premiere what music he listened to on the set, Fisher replied with Kanye West’s “Good Life.” He then gave viewers of the official To All the Boys Instagram Story a taste of the track.

Margot Covey will play a larger role in the third film.

Parrish told ET that even though she only briefly appears in the sequel, Margot will have a more major part in the third movie. “You get to see a lot of family time in the third movie, which I love,” she explained. “I think it’s one of my favorite parts of the film, is the bond between the sisters, because I’m so close with mine and my family.”

Peter and Lara Jean will soon be faced with college plans.

“A lot of the third movie is based around college,” Condor confirmed to Entertainment Tonight. Post-grad plans will become important in the development of Peter and Lara Jean’s relationship.“We tackle more real life because there’s really no distractions,” she continued. “It’s just him and I, and [we] figure it out.”

Han added, “The third movie really explores what happens when you’re in a relationship and then you have all the real-life stuff that comes into play,” adding that, “fans should always be worried” about the couple. “If I’m doing my job right, you’re worried.”

The cast traveled to Korea to film To All the Boys: Always and Forever, Lara Jean

In the third book, the Covey sisters venture to Korea for a visit to their grandmother. While there, they explore more about their late mother’s family. “We spent a lot of time in Korea shooting…We were there for so long, I hope that they just show a lot of Korea,” Condor told ET. “And ultimately, I want to celebrate the culture, so I think it’s really important that we keep as much of Korea in the movie as possible.”

Fisher is actually Team Peter and Centineo is Team John.

While fans my be divided about Lara Jean’s love triangle in the sequel, the actors who play her love interests are not. In an interview with People, Fisher referred to the kiss between Lara Jean and John as “sweet” yet “so heartbreaking.” He continued, “I’m team Peter, and it’s funny because Noah is actually team John.”

Nerisha Penrose Assistant Editor Nerisha is the assistant editor at ELLE.com, covering all things beauty and fashion.

The post To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Fun Facts appeared first on Trends Dress.

from Trends Dress https://trendsdress.com/2020/02/22/to-all-the-boys-ive-loved-before-fun-facts/

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im-a-femalerebel · 6 years

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I wanted to talk about my ex girlfriend

l had a friend from Twitter for a while. When I was single (that means five months after I started to see her), I realized I had a lil’ crush on her. And, I knew it was not possible. She was polyamourous, I was monogamous, willing for a passionate relationship and a really close partner, at the opposite of her projets. But one night I told her. And we slept together, and kissed, and shared sweet words. And then she told me I could be like her, living different love stories at the same time. I read articles, watched videos about the subject, to understand how it works, that it really existed. I tried, for real. But then I cried, for a long time. It became even more difficult because a friend who was also a sexfriend was one of her lovers. There were jealousy, tensions, a lack of communication in all of this. We spent the week end all together, a few days after I began to date her, so It was really harsh. I think I have never been this anxious in my entire life.

My girlfriend had a strange way to treat my depression. She told me she gave a name to my brain, so that she can insult my depression when I talk. It was like “shut up brain”. And it felt like “shut up you” and it was really toxic. She also told me my depression explained the fact I’m monogamous, meaning polyamory was for everyone. I felt really bad, it felt like I had to change something I could not control, and in a really violent way. I needed to be reassured.

Also, there were no rules. I knew all the private life of her lovers as she had no limit. I did not want to know so many things, first because when I was with her, I would like it to be our moment and also, because it was really intrusive and sometimes I even had the felling her lovers were my friends without even knowing them. Otherwise, she also had this thing to stay all day on her phone talking to her lovers, leaving me alone. When I explained this to her, she told me it was her way to function, no negociation possible.

There was also the fact the told me anything she did in bed with X or Y or whoever, that I did not want to know. And surprising, it was always heterosexual sex. She never spoke with me about lesbian sex (which was suppose to be our purpose as a lesbian couple, lol). She told me her libido was skyrocketting, and the also loved to feed this image online, whereas she did not tried anything with me. So, one day, I finally asked her “Is there a problem?”. And she got angry, and said I should not blame her on her libido, that is was oppressive, which was not at all my intentions.

She also changed plans whenever she liked. We were suppose to go at the Pride together, like our first lesbian couple activity, but I learned on Twitter she did something else with a friend who mentionned her in a tweet. Then I told her about this, and she replied “Oh sorry I wanted to tell you but I knew you would be angry”, which actually got me even more angry. Another time, one week after, she promised me to go to a birthday party of a friend, so that she could meet two of my friends. She was supposed to go with me and then stay at my home for two days. On the D day, she first avoided my question when I asked her if she was coming saying “she was tired” without answering. Then told me a few hours later “I’m leaving”. And I said “at your home?”. She said “Yes”. I said “I’ll miss you”. She did not reply until the evening, when she wrote me a long message telling me she was tired and it had nothing to do with me. It was not the fact that it was tired that got me upset this day, it was the fact she was telling it really late, as she could change my plans anytime she wanted.

Then I posted a tweet the day after “I used to don’t understand people who don’t believe in love, now I’m starting to understand”. And she got angry and sent me a message “Glad to hear it’s over via Twitter”. Then I begin to tell her she was not there for me. She told me I was wrong, that it was the opposite. And then she broke up, repeating I was “out of the realities”. It took it as a nice reference to my depression. But, for real, I was lucid about this relationship, do not call me an idiot.

Just after she left me, she posted on her public account on Twitter “Beware, people who do not question themselves, it smells”. It knew it was about me, obviously, and that people will ask about this, and know all of this, and I’d be alone again. Then I started to have an obsession about Twitter. I was checking everyday if our friends in common unfollowed me, or even blocked me. And unfortunately, it was happenning. I felt so bad.

I had and still have a private account on Twitter, where I was only 30 close people so I could share my thoughts. After the break up, I felt really bad and posted some things about my feelings. I felt broke, not lovable, transparent, empty.

But then, a friend in common who followed this account started to tell my ex about what I was posting, even exaggerating my words. I learned about this because I heard people were coming to talk to my ex to ask her what happenned.

One day, she posted a really passive agressive tweet, which sounded like a critic of a tweet I posted fifteen minutes ago, so it was really strange. I panicked and posted “omg she is gonna put everyone against me”. Five seconds after, she called me on the phone. I did not respond, then I did five minutes later. She was crying. She was saying she did mistakes in our relationship, and I was, with my tweets, trying to put everybody against her (but wtf it was a private account with 30 people, they tweeted about me to 1500 people). Then we talked together again, it was quite peaceful.

And one day, she blocked me from Facebook, the friend who told her about my tweets did, my ex’s lover did too. No explanation.

I became close to her ex girlfriend, which was already a friend before all of this happenned. We shared our experience about her and found some common points in the relationships we had with her : a lack of communication, organization and a lot of information about the other lovers. I felt less alone. However, when my ex learned about my friendship with her ex, she got mad and told her I was a bad person, that I judge people on polyamory, I was toxic... My friend did not believe her and we are still really close friends now.

But during all summer I thought about this story, and talked about it with my psychiatrist who told me she manipulated me, and I believe her.

Then in September, I was talking with a friend on Twitter I have not met IRL yet, but we are close. She told me that after the break up my ex sent her a message to tell her I was toxic. I was really mad as it related to the fear of abandoning I went through all summer. I tweeted “I just learned my ex girlfriend told people we did not even met I was toxic, Idk when I have to call her out as a manipulative person”.

A few days after, I connected to Twitter and lost fifty followers, then sixty, then one, and one, and one. I first did not understand anything at all. I saw a post in my timeline saying “we can not trust people about their virtual image, be careful”. And I pictured everything in thirty seconds.

I went on my second account, tapped my name, and saw “dangerous”, “toxic”, “ unfollow her”, “I didn’t know she was toxic, thanks”. I was having phonecall with a friend while discovering all this, so I could not try to harm myself or whatever. There was a thread of tweets published on my ex’s lover account about my “toxic behaviour”. It was told I opressed my ex because I was monogamous and did not try to adapt. It was told I manipulated her because I reproached her to do not have sex for me, which was not true. His lover also put some arguments such as the fact I had suicidal thoughts and I was dangerous and the fact I sent him unwanted nudes, which is also false because we shared some at the same time. The other nudes I sent were to my ex when we were together, as we sexted sometimes. But she never told me she was uncomfortable and always pretended to like it, so I do not understand.

Well, here you can see my long story. Maybe the worst I lived. Maybe the one I’m still going through now, discovering each day who blocked you like and Advent calendar.

My mental health does not permitt me to explain about this in public on Twitter, as I am already really, really hurt.

As I met my ex in the feminist sphere of Twitter, I do not go anymore to the IRL events nearby, I am too afraid to see her, or her friends, and hear them saying I am dangerous in public.

here is the story of a bisexual girl who had her first lesbian relationship. It lasted one month, no more, but hurted me forever.

#relationship #toxic people #toxic relatives #manipulation #lesbian #cyber harassment

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beneathmyboughs · 7 years

Text

Yuji Final 30 Facts!

[TW for mentions of child murder/Slenderman, PTSD, animal death, emotional manipulation and endgame spoilerish stuff! Wanted to get this out while we still had time, read at your own risk!]

All of Yuji’s Part 1 Endgame posts are lyrics from his character theme, Sakura Nagashi.

The symbol on his jacket is obvious, but the red symbol on his pants is very reminiscent of the slenderman symbol--a figure notable for taking it’s preferred victim, children, and pinning them to trees.

Piney was stated to be a Japanese Black Pine. Black Pines tend to have their weaker sibling, the white pine, grafted onto them for ensured survival. No guesses about who the white pine is to Piney’s black pine.

Yuji Matsumoto never had a fear of thunder. What he DID have was a crippling fear of loud noises, specifically explosions. He also had claustrophobia and aversion to heat like smoke or steam.

Murders or deaths of Parelthon classmates were all extra hard for him, but specifically Yuka Kagome’s death struck VERY close to home and at times threatened to render him immobile in fear or flashback.

During Yuji and Chou’s times getting to know each other she made a point of establishing her dominance from the very start, including eating whole unskinned pineapples while making eye contact to scare him. It worked.

Yes, they did use DDR to learn how to drift with each other a la Evangelion. Yes, they wore the matching 80′s dance leotards for it. Yes, with the neon spandex tights.

Yuji’s Paranoia (Including rigging his room with indicators in case anyone got in and messed with stuff, his mini traps any time he went into a new room, his general paranoia) predate his Mastermind status. He’s been toting that around since before Hope’s Peak even, having become Piney only due to said paranoia.

The reason Piney even exists in the first place is due to Yuji trying to outrun Yakuza enforcers, thus his immediate fear of anyone related to Yakuza business that he knew of, like Yuka.

Piney lived so lightly, from hotel to hotel with no discernible home address, because he was consistently on the run from both home (so no place to go) and Yakuza (despite them probably having long given up chase). Yep. THAT paranoid.

Yuji took in and cared for Mimi, Ryouji’s cat, after the class’ deaths. She passed away peacefully at a ripe old age while Yuji was grunt soldiering for the Collective. She was a well known and liked fixture of the barracks, with soldiers often feeding her when she came around.

Many of the stranger editions in the second half (The Overwatch statues, the updates to the student logs, ect) were a result of Yuji actively committing to portraying the character of the Collective’s ‘mascot’ as viciously as possible, and keeping the programmers busy coding in new and useless resource drains as opposed to active framing. Making him look like he was actively trying not to be caught was just a bonus.

Yuji genuinely did not know any of the codes aside from his own notebook’s code, nor did he himself have access to the monitoring system Topside had. Figuring out the MM room code was a genuine effort both ooc and ic, though he felt like shit getting congratulated for it.

Yuji’s habit of rubbing at his face with his hand when stressed is in fact him covering up what he reflexively knows is a giant scar over his eye, as if to conceal or massage it.

The tiny scar on the left side of his face where Ryouji’s shot grazed him in-game matches his real life scar on that exact same spot where a fellow soldier was shot and killed trying to drag him off the field when he had a flashback and couldn’t move. It further enforce’s Yuji’s belief that ‘These are not Accidents, it’s Fate.’

The giant v scar across his eye and nose, along with the smaller scar on his left cheek, are meant to look like the roman numeral 6 for a DA6 easter egg!

Yuji’s strong rose-tinted nostalgia mixed with the reality of seeing their actions in the murder game after 6 years split his opinion right down the middle. He used Piney to portray his fondness, and his class logs to vent his simmering disappointment. By the time he was shedding the suit the opinions had balanced out, portrayed by Yuji himself, though he still laid it on thick in the logs for the sake of the ‘character’ he was trying to portray.

While circumstances made it so that the room was not used as much, the sim in the steak house had Charmayne as a preset but included everyone on the Parelthon roster with applicable data. Yuji’s spent his steak-night ‘evenings’ pre-death game with hologrpahic Tomokas, Hanakos, Ryoujis, Tadashis, Ryans and more, all with a friendlier tint to them than reality to honey trap Yuji into continuing his resolve to start the killing game.

Should just note this: no account of Yuji speaking to having a crush, in his self narration or otherwise was real in this game. At most he may have had a crush on them back in the day, but Yuji’s level of affection would have been seen as odd for someone without an express reason (like the fact they’d all been his cherished classmates for a year). Crush was used as a stand in, but Yuji’s only nostalgic and not interested in anyone in this class. As he’d say “I’m a Mastermind, not a creep.”

Many of Yuji’s likes and dislikes from his 30 facts are direct references to military superstitions that he started to hold in his 6 years as a Collective soldier.(Numbers 8 and 9)

The exceptions are disliking Elvis (Club Elvis was the Yakuza run bar he went to to make his payments), hair (he just thinks it’s neat that people can have natural beauty like that despite income), and bugs (he lived with em fine being poor, and grew to like them with Chou’s influence)

Piney starting to act weirdly just before merge was a result of Chou having started communicating with him after getting out of her side of the sim, and making him laugh with their communications that he checked out inside his suit to avoid being seen. Father and daughter bonding time!

Yuji will continue to insist Piney had nothing to do with the Mastermind business. Often times, AS Piney, he’d flat out forget he was the Mastermind for bits at a time. Yuji didn’t have as much of a luxury once he got out of the suit, since that was by that point the turning point in him believing in the system.

Yuji’s ‘friend fiction’ was a direct continuation of his self-therapy he was using before the killing game went live, where he wrote down either memories or edited daydream versions of said memories to record his time spent with his classmates.

Yuji’s ‘ulterior motive’ for the game, sans getting his classmates back for admittedly his own sake of mind, was tied in/hinted at with his shrine to the dead in his room. Yuji’s spiritualism is heavily balance and karma based, a give or take, and while usually it’s only supplemental to his way of living the deaths of all his classmates kicked it into overdrive. He considered such a farce as himself surviving an event that had killed everyone else he’d ever grown close to some act of destructive ‘fate’ he’d have to be selfish to attribute to only himself. While he knew the belief would never be accepted as solid science by any of the project team, he was deathly fearful that not addressing the matter would only result in the kids getting revived just to die off again should the matter not be addressed. Therefor, trying to find out what made each of the kids tick and from there pinpoint what element may have played into their deaths wound up being Yuji’s OWN experiment while the death game was being planned. This quickly fell to the wayside as the true intentions of the game became clear, but it has been addressed at least once by Morishige in her videos as she herself utilized the belief he revealed during their therapy sessions to further spur Yuji into accepting the full blame for the murder game.

Yuji’s original name was Yuiji Hatsumoto, but when it was checked with my IRL Japanese friends it was vetoed as ‘just plain not a real name.’ Yuji Matsumoto, however, is so utterly common it’s almost laughably plain. Just the way I wanted it.

Azura sent me over half of the music I have on Yuji’s playlists. My music taste is trash, guys. I’m sorry I never returned the favor Azura, you probably knew all the songs since middle school already.

There were lots of hints thrown in about Yuji being MM, subtle things about how when he panicked he’d start to feel choked and too hot, or the phrasing on the very first post. Going back and reading it all over is an ADVENTURE and what I’m currently mid doing, my dudes.

The FULL list of Yuji’s inspirations are Vincent from Catherine, Shaggy from Scooby Doo (down to the theory of him being a veteran) and Adachi from Persona 4. The last was too much of a spoiler to say, but ‘Lanky and questionable loser’ pretty much chalks it up. His Mastermind/Collective Mascot persona, specifically, was Adachi based.

I only made it this far and did this well thanks to the wonderful mods, back up mods, mini mods and unknowing support of fellow players. I’d been looking your stuff up and admiring like a fan researching a movie franchise for a year before all this, and it was an unbelievable honor to both enter your world and get to be your guys’ Mastermind. I hope you guys had as fun of a game as I did! You guys rock, and I’m so glad I met you all. Take a breather everybody!

#ooc #save #Been holding onto these babies since day 1 my friends #child soldiers \\#child death \\#slenderman \\#ptsd \\#animal death \\#emotional manipulation \\

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janethepegasus · 5 years

Photo

Hey Jane! :3 My latest artwork! ^^; http://rakkonji.deviantart.com/art/POKEDANZU-616055366

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Ooooh boy, this is like opening a time capsule here. Okay, i’m gonna take this time to explain some things....

I knew this guy in real life, seriously, his name is Sean, and we used to have the same classes together. Sean has autism (and so did i) and as such, we pretty much had Special E.D classes (though to be honest, i was WAY more advanced than the other students in my class :/ ) however, as kinda expected from people who have autism and other similar mental illnesses, Sean had a couple of meltdowns, not the “roll on the floor and scream like a banshee” kind, but rather the “i’m pissed as hell and i’m so fucking angry” kind. He would outright refuse to do things because he’s pissed and say that everything that they’re trying to make him do is BS. He would even, no joke, get up and leave the school, i’m not even kidding.

But that was from the first year that i met him (I was a sophomore when i met him), when the next year came around, he was oddly fine, sure he would get depressed from time to time but he was fine. Sean really liked Pokemon, he made Pokemon OCs, made art about it (like this one), and he owned a couple of Pokemon games. But he was also a tech lover as well, not for the modern stuff, but for the OLD stuff, like old Mac Computers and stuff like that, he REALLY wants an old Mac computer, so much so that he asked my Uncle (yes Sean is familiar with my family) to buy one, but it couldn’t be done because the damn thing was expensive anyways.

If there was a term to describe Sean, it would be “Semi-Weeaboo”, why i say this is because one, he used japanese text A LOT (as you can see in the art pic here), and two, he has dreams of going to Japan and working at Nintendo (though i doubt that will ever happen >_> ), a typical fantasy all weeaboos share (though i say “Semi-Weeaboo” because Sean never believed he was Japanese due to anime, never own a katana, or anything that wasn’t just writing japanese or wanting to go to Japan). Another thing about him? Me and him were friends, but for Sean’s case, he liked me...a little bit more than that. What i mean is that he somewhat developed a crush on me, even though i clearly showed no interest in being in a romantic relationship with him. The few examples of him somewhat hinting that he might have a crush on me is one, he out right stated, out loud (not at school, mind you), that he had a lewd dream about me, like.....who has a dream where they’re having sex with their own friend?? Which, of course, him saying that made me a bit uncomfortable though i never told him. And two, he visited my house one day and before he left, he said that he wants to marry me someday, which i properly told him that if he REALLY want that, then he has to go through a relationship with me first. So yeah, he had a crush on me which i showed no interest.

So, when my senior year ended, i still kept in touch with him through text, though we never meet up with each other since then. Things were fine, until years after i graduated, i received some shocking news; Sean was in jail (well a place similar to jail, but we still referred to it as jail), why? Because he tried to hit his mom with a shovel. Me and my grandparents still kept touch with him, supporting him, and even suggesting him how to live a better life. But then, all of that changed when one day, when my Grandma was talking to him on the phone, Sean outright told her about a lewd dream he had about me and described every single detail to her, to my GRANDMA. When she told me about this, i was shocked, my supposed “friend” outright telling my grandma about a dream about having sex with ME, and due to this, my family became worried that if he ever gets released, he might find me and try to have sex with me IRL. So because of this, i decided to cut all ties with him, to avoid any contact with him or making that fear a reality.

So yeah, that’s the story of Sean, the man i knew IRL that made this pic.

#story time #sean #irl story #submission

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horaynestylikinson · 7 years

Text

Today was a long day

My days are always so boring, and on some days life just decides to blow up a lot of things to my face, in a single day. And that’s why I can never really make a good blog post describing my day/life, because I’ll end up talking about a lot of stuff.

Like earlier this morning, I had my driving lessons. Even prior to the lessons, I felt like expressing into a blog post how I always felt apprehensive about them. The day after tomorrow is the day of my driving test, if I pass I get my license, and obviously I don’t want to experience the feeling of failing my driving test.

The problem is, failing a driving test is so common. I have 4 older siblings, and half of them failed their first test.

So I don’t know if I should feel bad about failing, or what. If I should expect failing. I’m a person not used to failing. But in this case, I have a funny feeling if I pass the first test,.

I’m really confused here. I’m really scared too. Because I keep half expecting I’ll fail, and because the overall ‘driving’ thing for me makes me think on how common it is people get involved in an accident, big or small. Especially given the fact that people behave unexpectedly on the road.

Okay that was one issue.

I also have been a little uneasy with the two instructors I’ve had before this, but today I got a different instructor, and I’m pretty pleased with this guy. I first met him during the last lesson, he was to send me home from the driving school. He had an easy-going nature, we had a conversation the ride home (conversations with the other instructors have been awkward), and today I discovered that yes, I would prefer learning with him. Because he won’t declare that I would fail every time I did a mistake, he’d just point it out and give me instructions on what to do if so and so. Yes, I still do appreciate the lectures I get from my other instructors on why I should pay attention to small details the examiner would, but it does just get on my nerves.

I don’t prefer, however, that this instructor smoked a cigarette every time he steps out of the car. And a few other details, but I’m not gonna list down everything that I like about these instructors.

I was supposed to have another lesson tomorrow, but seeing because these were extra classes, and I had to pay extra (RM40/hour for 3 hours), my dad told me to practice with my brother around the neighbourhood. The test route at the school had more traffic and wider roads, whilst my neighbourhood has narrower roads (but the cars are bloody fast) and a few inclines (a lot of speed bumps too).

I got home at 11 am, and before 12 I went out with my fam to do some shopping. I was already tired after the driving lesson, but oh well, I have been staying at home doing nothing for so many days.

Cut to the chase, at one point I thought I saw this guy that I used to like about 2 years ago. My automatic reaction was to turn away and hide my face. I braved myself to take a look at him when he’s passed, only to learn that that wasn’t him.

I was glad that my heart hadn’t leapt up to my throat, like the last few times i saw him.

Guess what? A few hours later, we moved to the mall next door, and while the rest of the fam went to perform prayers, me and my sis went to a shoe store.

The guy was there. Yes.

My eyes didn��t have to take 2 seconds to know it was him. Well, the whole time me and my sis was there, I completely pretended that I didn’t see him; though I knew we were going to come back to the store later, with the whole family. So when the rest of the fam had come, we went to buy clothes and to buy some stuff from the pharmacy.

And when we got back to the shoe store, I made the first move, of making eye contact, of making that face where I pretended ‘waiitt,, I know you....’ (literally, with a forefinger held in mid air and squint my eyes).

Let me do a quick background story.

I had an eye on the boy when I was 12, the first few weeks of secondary school. But I learnt he had a girlfriend, so I told myself to back off. Near the end of the second year, I helped him find some books, and he said my name, and I was like ‘oh, crap, I do have feelings for him’. I saw that his facebook status was single, so I let myself observe him.

Fast forward middle of the third year, I had a really bad crush on him, and during September/October I initiated contact with him on ask.fm. It’s a site where you ask people questions, you can do it anonymously or with an account. Long story short, he found out who I was, (worst feeling ever) but the next day he didn’t seem interested in talking to me irl. I was SOOOOOOOOO devastated. SOOOOOO devastated. Why? Because I was (am) such a shy person. I was not pretty (still am, but I’ve accepted myself for who I am and idc how I look like)

Then I picked up very subtle signs that he had a thing with my friend’s friend (who, on the fourth year, became my classmate). That was the very worst day I’ve ever had that I can remember, also, I overdosed on something on that day that made me kinda sure I was going to die that evening. But I didn’t. And on the fourth year, I learnt that he had a girlfriend (someone not from our school), which left me confused, because i thought my classmate was his girlfriend?

Apparently my classmate was confused too, but I never asked anyone about it, and I decided I don’t like him anymore (it wasn’t as easy as how I’m making it sound, obviously).

A very short period after I decided to see myself as superior to him (I don’t remember if the very next day, or the week after that), I actually talked to the guy.

Okay let’s get back to what happened today. So after I acknowledged his presence (and I gestured that he and my younger bro both have the same names), I still purposely not-look-at-him that much. Yeah, I asked him about the shoe sizes and asked him for this size that size whatever and when I was being goofy trying them out in front of my parents he kept glancing over at me and -was he smiling?-.

Oh, I forgot to share the tale of when I discovered his girlfriend’s ig (his was privated, but my reaction’s still pretty much the same when he approved my follow request) and I was, how do I describe this,...

You really like a guy. And you really look up to him. He has a lot of qualities you like, I mean, he’s so similar to how you’d want your son to grow up to be. (p,s: currently, I’m hoping I won’t fall in love and get married and start a family) And you discover that his girlfriend is one of those selfie+duckface types, doing oozywoozymybfissoannoyingbutshoooocutie captions/comments, and you’re like, teary eyed, you deserve so much more than her!

I think what I need to inform you is that my heart didn’t have a panic attack. Sure, my hands trembled a bit, I was a little shook, but I’ve put him, I have strained and exhausted myself to put him behind a few years ago.

Afterall, I was in love with the guy in my head, not him.

He’s a nobody to me now. We only exchanged like, 4/5 sentences. (oh, i also need to tell you my father kinda did his ‘teach em a lesson’ to the guy because my younger bro wanted to buy socks, and father was like ‘ARE THOSE SOCKS HIS SIZE’ and the guy was like ‘erm, they’re free size’

‘YEAH BUT DO THEY FIT MY SON’S FEET’

‘yeah, we just measured it’

wait i need to interrupt

oh my god the guy of my -past- dreams was bonding with my younger brother who has the same name as him

the guy of my -previous- fantasies of my future has met my family

the guy who i want(ed) to spend the rest of my life with has seen how challenging his future (perhaps in an alternate universe) father-in-law could be

okay continue

‘THOSE SOCKS ARE MEN’S SIZE. YOU SEE?’ *wagging the socks* ‘MEN. THIS IS A BOY. A CHILD’

to be honest, that child’s feet are almost my size, but,... *does not interfere*

and when everything’s all paid, the guy freaking smiles (i wasnt looking, ehem, but, like, i have invisible eyes all over my head) and said thank you please come again in the sweetest way i know he could do to my *older* brother who did the payment.

so like, we only exchanged like 4/5 sentences each, but I couldn’t help my mind going over those empty exchanges, wishing I had said more, wishing I’d replied differently, with different words, just...

okay wait to finish everything off, i was so beat when we got home, but my father made me practice my driving, and it’s 11.16pm right now.

i made the title today was a really long day because i woke up at 6.30, after days of waking up at noon. my bedtime has been 2 am for almost 2 weeks now, (i just can’t sleep early). i need to get enough rest minimum until my driving test the day after tomorrow.

well, that’s all im going to share to no one on tumblr right now.

#lackadaisier #really long crappy story #text #own

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