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gaykarstaagforever · 4 months

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Part 1

Fine. You want Fat Superman? Here is Fat Superman.

PART 2: FAT SUPERMAN

Spoiler warning: he gets fat from drinking expired champagne on an alien planet.

No I'm not joking.

And while he has to exercise to get thinner, faster, it was always going to wear off and he'd go back to normal.

Those are the stakes of this idiot story.

You see this? You see Lois being a bitch about it, and all the cruel fat-related puns?

10 and a half pages of that. That's basically it.

This is a joke that isn't funny, that eventually just...stops.

They made this the cover feature.

...A cover feature with a scene that doesn't even happen. Superman just says, "Man. What if I got fat in a phone booth, instead of a space capsule? (He was in a space capsule when he got fat. A FAKE space capsule. Look. It doesn't matter.)

Yeah. God forbid any actual dramatic story beats come out of this, you fat bastard.

Great. Now I'm doing it.

The only mildly amusing thing he does while fat is use his giant butt to plug a hole in a dam.

Speaking as a man with a giant butt...you use what you have, you know?

But even that isn't fun, because he has to make some comment about how he can't fly right, because of temporary obesity.

Yes. Because Superman's flying ability before now was totally a matter of real-world aerodynamics and particle physics.

Having him complain that his thighs are generating 10 million kilojoules of heat as they rub together when he walks would have been cruel garbage, but I would have accepted and even laughed at that. But FLYING? He is too fat to fly? Give me a break!

The blimp jokes were right there, you hacks!

Also, look back at that first dam panel. The people on the dam call him a hippo and wonder how he can still be a hero when he's fat.

It is well-established in the comics at this point that Superman can do anything, all the time, and also has super-hearing. Mostly because he tells everyone any time he does anything. And these jackasses have the nerve to stand well-within even NORMAL hearing range, and make fun of a LIVING GOD WITH LASER EYES for suddenly having man-tits?? He should have blown them over the edge, just to make a point.

Granted, this is Superman, and he's a goody-two-shoes. And they also no doubt know that. Plus he himself is currently whining about how he's TOO FAT TO FLY PROPERLY.

I've been mad for three days about this. Let's pause for an ad break.

Intriguing. I'll have to look up this 'Sesame Street' thing later, see if it went anywhere.

Back to hell.

Speaking of weird physics, I can't imagine how people on a plane flying at like 700 mph, passing even a fat Superman going at least as fast, can recognize anything, let alone have enough time to accurately guess his real Fat Superman weight.

But they do. Because this story is awful.

Okay this panel is pretty dense so let's talk about it.

1) He built that scale super-fast out of NOTHING, just to weigh himself. Looks to me like his super-abilities are just fine, even if he can't see his own penis.

2) ...I mean, okay, he is literally two tons. I admit, that's kind of really goddamn heavy. Maybe he should worry about this a little bit.

3) That last sentence is the greatest sentence in any Silver Age comic, ever. "Why ask questions?" Who gives a shit, right? It doesn't matter. None of this matters. Why did you buy this? Fuck you for reading this, kid. Go outside, nerd.

They didn't call him a blimp, but they DID have him call himself a parade balloon.

And then make him real sad about it.

...Did the Government pay DC to do a comic bullying fat children, because it was the height of the Cold War and they were afraid the next generation would be too porky to battle the Russians on their home tundra? Was someone on DC's editorial staff mad at his overweight mother-in-law? This is reaching frightening levels of antagonizing people who like donuts.

I've lost the thread, here. There is slightly more stupid story, but I've hit the "pictures of Fat Superman" limit, so this will need to continue in a Part 3.

#silver age comics #fat superman #comic book cover #dc comics

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ivebeenghosting · 2 years

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mermaid!bruce bringing his babies one by one to shore to show to fisherman!clark like a mama cat bringing her kittens to her owner

clark: oh is this ur baby!! :) nice to meet you :)!!

clark: gasp! two babies?? how cute

clark: THREE BABIES?? I LOVE THEM

clark: four...babies..? haha ok they're so cute :)

clark: five babies. OH A GIRL :)!!! nice to meet u little miss

clark: another girl!! and that makes six...ok cool...

clark: seven...seven babies......

clark: eight- bruce please this has to be the last one right

clark: nine. bruce I hate to say it but this may be too many babies

bruce: sad chirping :(

clark: I'm so sorry I didn't mean that please bring me another baby Id love to see another baby

bruce: :)!!!!

#superbat #bruce wayne #clark kent #batman #superman #this is cringe but its my birthday and im allowed to post cringe on my birthday 🎂#god i wanna see clarks arms full of fat little mermaid pups looool 🥺

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jesncin · 5 months

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Hey! Big fan of your stuff - just wanted to mention about your art: I really like how you draw figures without defaulting to thin-waisted silhouettes, especially with Superman!

It reminds me a lot of Curt Swan's depiction of the character, which is fun since he played such a momentous role in defining how the character would look for decades to come, but like a modernization of it? While still being its own unique and good thing, of course. :)

Always looking forward to more!

Oh what a kind thing to say!! Thank you! :')

My design of Superman is more or less lifted from Gurihiru's design (from Smashes the Klan) which is based on a classic look. I just added arm hair, haha.

I like Curt Swan's version too! I'm a fan of Superman designs that still have the broad shoulders but keep the strongman stomach!

Thanks again, I really do appreciate comments like these :>

#askjesncin #i love superman fanon designs that just straight up make him fat too that's always a delight #gurihiru's art and design fits really well with my hand and style it's so fun to draw

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doublebellyman · 3 months

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Man of Steel?

Just shows that none of us is immune from packing on a few (hundred) pounds!

#the fun of being fat #SsBHM Superman

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glennk56 · 1 month

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William Hootkins in the 1980s (4 of 5)

William Hootkins played the half-wit son in a family of psychotics in American Gothic in 1987.

In 1987, Hootkins played Harry Howler, who partnered with Lex Luthor in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. He really could ham it up when it was called for.

#William Hootkins #sexy fat actor #1980s #actor born in US and living in UK #American Gothic #Superman IV

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henrycavillai · 2 months

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#henry cavill #ai generated #ai image #muscle #muscular #ai art #pecs #superman #chest #big pecs #fat belly #belly #bear #biceps

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alessandro3623 · 3 months

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Man on man

#big fat ass #superhero #men in lycra #spandex guys #skinsuit #superman #batman

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gaykarstaagforever · 4 months

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Part 2

Part 3: The Exciting Conclusion!

At one point Kal-El decides he has to trick Lois into thinking Clark is still thin while Superman is fat, or she'll be too hip to the "they are the same person" jive. Which she has been for like 10 years by this point in the comics. But this is the weird little sex game these morons apparently need to keep playing, so he does this:

Let it be said that his great weight has not diminished Superman's ability to solve non-problems in the most pointlessly complicated way imaginable.

Seeing this, you may be asking...well, a lot of questions. But the one I asked immediately was, "Hey, idiot who uses robot clones to solve every problem: why not just use robot clones to solve this problem?"

Well! The sad people who made this were one step ahead of you the whole time, baby girl!

So I guess we can ask SOME questions after all, DC.

Having finished the ever-important Superman task of lying to the woman who wants to sleep with him, Kal-El gets back to trying to slim down to 200 lbs by 8 the next morning, for a reason that is really going to piss you off in a bit.

But how can he do this, in a world before fast-motion Richard Simmons tapes or liposuction?

Answers: Silver Age Superman style!

Juggling box cars!

Use his ass to destroy condemned buildings in Metropolis!

Incomprehensible space nonsense!

By 8 the next morning, he is nearly 200 lbs. But not quite. And this is a problem, because he has to use his own body at exactly that weight to unlock the door to a vault. That will EXPLODE if he doesn't.

Which sounds like a bad design to me, and everyone else with a functioning brain. But, see, this vault was built by the US Government to house a very special peace-ray robot they built.

Yes, really.

We never see that used, by the way. This is the second to the last panel. This is all you get about the machine America built that can somehow cancel guns.

I guess that means it didn't work.

Thank God and the 2nd Amendment for that, am I right, boys?

🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲TRUMP👍2024🇺🇲🇺🇲🇮🇱🇺🇲🇺🇲

As for how Superman activated the lock while he was still slightly too heavy, he simply used some alien anti-gravity disks he just...had. In his crystal ice palace. That he went and got.

No, I don't know where they came from. No one does. It doesn't matter. Why ask questions?

The only good thing about this ending is that outside of context, it looks like Superman is offering you the pills that make him think he can fly.

I remind you that this is the same issue that also had the cool story of Super-Pancho. What a mixed bag. Of POTATO CHIPS, YOU DISGUSTING WHALE!

Let's go out on a positive note: a WWII vehicle driven by Nazi skeletons.

Yes. This is the bottom half of the page where Superman is offering you drugs.

Maybe those drugs will help you build this wacky model of, again, a WWII vehicle driven by Nazi skeletons.

You know. For the kids.

...I'm not going to pretend Rommel's Rod isn't amazing. If I ever get hold of a time machine, I'm using it just to go back to 1969 and buy one of these kits. But that said...kind of a tonal shift, to drop this in at the end of Superman being fat.

Don't ever pay $30 for this comic. Not even Super-Pancho is worth it. And I LOVE Super-Pancho.

...Super-PAUNCH-o. Hee hee!

Sorry. All the kick-ass evil from these Nazi skeletons is turning me into some jerk on a dam.

#silver age comics #fat superman #comic book cover #nazi #dc comics

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adultswimshowspoll · 8 months

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loser’s bracket round 3