#family life try not to suck for 1 minute challenge (impossible)
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every time i get upset i stare at a pixilated jpg of bandana waddle dee to calm down but it never works and i always end up bursting into tears
#mental illnesses posting on main#yuyu thoughts not clickbait#im going to explode into millions of tiny pieces#family life try not to suck for 1 minute challenge (impossible)
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Bruce Banner x Female!Civilian!Reader: Oh My Dear [Ch. 8]
Summary: For [F Name] [L Name], Manhattan was nothing but a hellhole. She got out and wasn’t ever coming back. When a set of cut-rate superheroes tears the city apart, however, her grandmother sucks her back into that familiar life of loneliness and angry customers. Even worse, one of those superheroes has decided to use [Name] in another crazy plan to “help” his best friend. Unfortunately for everyone involved, Tony’s plan just might work-if only for a few months.
Challenge: “#1 AVENGERS ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!!!!“ by DancingBubbles on Lunaescence Archives.
Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; manipulative friends who won’t take no for an answer; dead parents; difficult relationships with family members; some language that might border on verbal abuse from a family member; angst; contrived coincidences; a generally unresearched depiction of paraplegia; set post-Avengers (2012) and pre-Age of Ultron; Tony & Bruce friendship)
Pairings: Bruce Banner/Female!Reader; Tony Stark/Pepper Potts; Past!Bruce Banner/Betty Ross
Tag List: @imaginesfire
Master List
Chapter 8: Second Time’s the Charm
“So are you going to see her again?”
Tony’s voice drawled lazily into Bruce’s ear as the latter tried to focus (as he had been all morning) on his and Tony’s portable gamma ray tracker. When Bruce had arrived back at Stark Tower the night before, it was only by sneaking in through the back door that he’d managed to avoid Tony’s incessant questions about how the date actually went. Once morning arrived, though? It was nearly impossible to work, with him piping up every three seconds to pester him about his enormous failure to have one successful night out.
“Bruce.” Tony punctuated his words by jabbing a pen into Bruce’s side. “Hey, Bruce. Are you listening to me?”
“No. I’m not. I haven’t been all morning.”
The apple in Tony’s other hand crunched as the man bit into it. “Why’re you ignoring me?”
“I’m not…ignoring you.”
“Classic passive aggressive behavior, Bruce. Come on. Spill.”
“There’s nothing to spill.” Bruce glanced behind him, where Tony was sitting making notes when he wasn’t trying to annoy him to death.
“So are you going to see her again?”
With another shake of his head, Bruce turned back to his worth. “Why do you care so much?”
“I just want to know how my best friend’s date went. Is that a crime?”
“No, but it is annoying.”
“Wow. First I’m insane and now I’m annoying. This day has been productive, and it’s not even 11:00 yet.”
“You were declared insane several days ago, Tony. When was the last time you slept?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“And my ‘date’ is none of yours.”
For several minutes, the lab remained mostly silent, with most of the noise coming from the tiny scraping sounds of Bruce’s project. He allowed himself to briefly imagine that that was the end of the argument. Tony, of course, was too intelligent to let anything drop before he gave the okay.
“Why did you say it like that?” he asked.
Despite everything, Bruce smiled a bit. It was nice to have a friend, even if it was one as unable to let things go as Tony. “Say it like what?”
“‘Date,’” Tony answered. “With quotation marks.”
Clearly, the tracker wasn’t going to get anywhere until Tony was satiated. With a heavy sigh, Bruce turned to look at Tony. The former rested his elbows on the counter behind him. “Because it wasn’t a date.”
Tony sat straight up at that. “What do you mean, it wasn’t a date?”
“It wasn’t a date.” Bruce’s eyebrows lifted past the frames of his reading glasses. Before Tony could interject, as he so obviously was going to, Bruce continued, “You tricked her into being there, didn’t you?”
“Did she say that?”
“Yes, but it would have been obvious anyway. She was surprised to see me.”
“I told her it was a blind date. I didn’t trick her into doing anything.”
“Tony, she didn’t want to be there.”
“She didn’t think she wanted to be there.”
“She didn’t want to be there, period.”
“Was the food no good?”
Bruce shook his head and looked at the ceiling. “The food was fine. That wasn’t the point.”
“Then what was the point?”
He took a deep breath before he looked back at Tony. Bruce supposed that he had to give him some benefit of doubt. You didn’t seem like the kind of woman Tony would interact with on a regular basis–but then again, neither was Pepper. Pepper, though…well, no one could say Tony had a grasp on Pepper.
“She just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now,” Bruce answered carefully.
“You were awkward, weren’t you? I bet you were awkward.”
The words caused Bruce to pace agitatedly toward one of the walls. “Of course I was awkward! I am awkward. Truth be told, I didn’t want to be there either.”
“See? Th–”
“Don’t say that’s the problem, Tony.”
“Bruce, who in this room has the most experience with women?”
Bruce didn’t answer.
“That’s right. Me. And if I say she wanted a date, she wanted a date.”
“Look, Tony.” Bruce looked back over at his friend. Tony sat back and leaned one of his calves against the opposite knee. Obviously, he was expecting a fight–something that Bruce didn’t want to give him but knew was impossible to avoid. All he could do at that point was lift his hands up to his shoulders, palms out. “All I know is, she said she didn’t want to go on a date and when we talked, she seemed really angry.”
“What’d you talk about?”
“I don’t know…Manhattan?”
Tony made a face. “What about Manhattan?”
“What we both are doing here.”
“Did you tell her?”
“I said you offered me a place to stay and a job. By the way, did you not put me in the company records?”
“You asked me not to put you in the company records.”
“But you still had her deliver the coconuts here?”
“Where else would you suggest I have them sent? Russia? So Steve and Natasha could enjoy our fruit?” Tony asked, affronted.
“Okay, okay.” Bruce sighed. “That’s not the point.”
"No, it’s not. What about her?”
"She said she didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Then what?”
“She said my life must be better than hers because I travel. The food came, and then…well, there wasn’t anything else to say.”
Tony only stared so incredulously at Bruce that Bruce felt uncomfortable. To avoid feeling worse, he shifted and moved his eyes toward the window. The island of Manhattan stretched out like so many colored blueprints below the tower.
“You didn’t talk to her at all after the meal came?” Tony asked.
“I tried!” Bruce said, walking back to his work. “She didn’t want to talk. That’s why I’m telling you, [Name] doesn’t want to date.”
“Damn,” Tony whispered as he pressed a finger to his own mouth. After several minutes of silence, the tension faded from Bruce’s shoulders and he was–thank heavens–able to get back to his work. Or so he thought. Then Tony had to go and open his mouth once more:
“So, when are you going to see her again?”
“Tony,” Bruce said, this time a little more forcibly. “I’m not. She isn’t interested. I’m not interested. Just drop it, would you?”
“Mmm…I don’t think so. I’ve got plans for you, Big Guy.”
“Well, since I intend to make sure that I never show up for another meeting with you without you in tow, you’re going to have a hell of a time getting me places. And I don’t think [Name] is going to agree to go anywhere ‘with you’ again, either. At least, not if you’re the one doing the asking.”
“Aww, you already know about her. That’s cute.”
“It’s not cute, Tony. Seriously. Drop it.”
Tony heaved his most martyr-ish sigh. “If you insist.”
“You’re not really going to drop this, are you?”
Bruce looked back at Tony just in time to see him break into a broad grin. “Not on your life.”
******
Saturday at one in the afternoon found you again in Nana’s store, shoving boxes all across the badly patterned floor. The store wasn’t open on weekends–although it used to be–but you still had to be there to do the restocking and the cleaning that couldn’t be got to during the regular work week. Besides, after your disaster of a “date” the night before, you needed to get out of your apartment and do some
real
work. Manual labor always got your mind off things for a little bit, if nothing else.
With sweat and dust gathering to stick in odd places to your body, you finished putting the last banana in its place. Now that the fruit section was done, you needed to get started on the meat. Thankfully, that was it for the really hard work. You simply needed to remember to call and place your orders for Monday before you left. After a brief pause to wipe the worst of the gunk from your brow, you spun back toward the storage room. Before you could take a single step, however, a sharp rap on the window had you whirling about.
Standing outside in the sunny street with a scowl on his face was none other than Mr. Banner. The idea of leaving him there appealed to you, but he’d probably brought his key. It was only his attempt at being polite that kept him outside. So instead you walked over and opened the door.
“May I help you, sir?” you asked in as tired of a voice as you could manage.
“You startle easily, don’t you?” he asked.
“Sir–”
“Don’t even start with me. I would appreciate it if you just let me inside.”
His odd almost-politeness threw you off. The hesitation was just enough to allow Mr. Banner take it as an agreement, and, in a matter of seconds, he had peeled the door from your grip and walked right in.
“Mr. Banner–” you tried again, but the man stopped you with a held up hand. Your mouth closed tight just as your eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“You said when I came to speak to you earlier this week that you could not afford to hire me to help you in the store.”
The buzz of the overhead lights filled the silence as you waited for him to continue. Mr. Banner, though, was apparently waiting for you to answer.
“Well?” he barked.
You jumped, which only made you angrier. “Yes, that is what I said.”
“Deaf, maybe, but not an idiot,” Mr. Banner said. Before you could put in a retort, he continued, “What if I told you that I don’t need to be paid?”
“You don’t need to be paid,” you repeated in deadpan.
“No. I was honorably discharged. I don’t have mortgage payments, either. So here I am to work for absolutely no pay at all–and you had better use this opportunity while you have it.”
His offer was not exactly tempting. The extra set of arms, sure, but Mr. Banner? He hadn’t proven for a moment that he could actually be pleasant to anyone. You ran your fingers through your hair to stall for time.
“Why would you work here for no pay?” you wanted to know.
Mr. Banner squinted up one of his eyes and regarded you for a moment. “I knew your grandfather.”
“And?”
“He was a good man. This store and his wife were everything to him. But Doris is a stubborn woman. Used to be that Frank would hire people to help work in shifts, but something happened in that accident and now she won’t hear of it.”
“You talked to Nana about this?”
“Of course I did!” Mr. Banner snapped. “You don’t know what you’re doing! Besides, how any young woman can be expected to run a shop like this well and take care of their grandmother at the same time, I don’t know. That nurse you’ve got there is expensive and can’t be with her around the clock. It’s asking too much of you to be in two places at once, 'less you’ve got some-what are they calling it? Enhancement?”
Your eyes widened. Mr. Banner was worried about you? For all the anger he’d tossed in your general direction, that was certainly what it sounded like.
“I don’t know, Mr. Banner,” you said. “That doesn’t really sound fair. Besides, it’s not like I can cut down on my shifts here.”
“I know that. But you need help and even an older man like me has to be better than no one.”
But what about Nana? you wanted to ask. She wasn’t a stupid woman. Customers talked and called. Customers weren’t above calling the house to talk to Nana herself, as Pepper Potts had indicated! Somehow, Mr. Banner lending a hand would get out, and you didn’t want to be on the receiving end when it did. Perhaps some of your trepidation showed on your face, because he spoke again, this time more gently:
“I won’t tell if you won’t tell. If anyone calls about me, I’ll tell her I was just yelling at you and showing you how you could do your job better. Doris would probably believe something like that.”
A stubborn laugh forced its way out of your mouth. “Yeah, she probably would.”
For the first time, something of a smile formed on Mr. Banner’s face. “So what do you say? You gonna take me on?”
You cocked your head to one side and looked at him. It was true, he wasn’t really that old. He could carry those boxes more easily than you could, too. A full-fledged grin peeled across your face as you reached forward to shake his offered hand.
“What the hell,“ you said. "Welcome aboard.”
#fan fic#straw writes#reader insert#second person pov#oh my dear#challenge fic#bruce banner#hulk#avengers#marvel#mcu#bruce banner x reader#bruce banner x you#bruce banner x y/n#hulk x reader#hulk x you#hulk x y/n#avengers x reader#avengers x you#avengers x y/n#mcu x reader#mcu x you#mcu x y/n#marvel x reader#marvel x you#marvel x y/n
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Hyunji: Rekindle
Part 1
"So, you're telling me, I should move to another agency? I still don't get it." Yea Ji leans back on her seat as she tries to wrap her head around what the CEO of the company she's under is trying to tell her.
She fully understood what they were saying, but what she wanted to understand was why. She had been under this company for nearly ten years, ever since she had started her career in the business. She knew everyone from the first floor up to the last floor up top. And everyone knew her inside and out. The familiar staff around her was considered family.
And now, at the near end of her contract, instead of talking about renewal, they were talking to her about transferring to another company, a company that hasn't even been established yet.
"It's not like we want you to move, Yea Ji-ah. But their offer is great for you and you'd surely benefit from it a lot. They were formal enough to invite you by contacting us first, and I personally appreciate it." Her boss starts, leaning over the table with his hands clasped together.
"We've been taking care of you for so long, and we would love to do so for some more. But they're offering you something we couldn't get you ourselves. You're like my daughter, and I want the best for you. Even if it means letting you go. Gold Medalist will be established January next year, it's new but it has massive foundations and connections. They're also co-producing a drama under TVN, and they would want you to be the lead if ever you join them. I've heard about the script, Yea Ji-ah. It's going to send you into a breakthrough, one you've been waiting for. This is good. It's hard to let you go, but this is what's best for you. And, after the drama, if they don't treat you half as much as we do, come back to me. We'll have you back in a heartbeat. "
She almost wanted to cry at her boss' words. How could someone, totally unrelated to you, treat you with so much care. She thought about it for a few minutes, silent as she sat in her chair buried in her thoughts.
She had trusted them for so long, and they had never lead her to anything that was bad for her. If they were so sure about this, then there was no reason she shouldn't.
The pen felt heavy in her hand when she signed the exit contract. This was it. She was cutting ties with the company that had handled her for so long. Adding to that, leaving the people that surrounded and took care of her felt nothing more than melancholic. It felt like saying goodbye to her family.
But she believed that it wasn't the end. They were still going to see each other at some point, treat each other as long time friends. They have already carved out a space for them in her heart, and it was theirs forever.
She spent the remaining months of the year traveling and staying at home with her dogs. Somehow, she enjoyed her unemployment. She was basically jobless, not forever, but she tried to enjoy it as much as she can.
Her schedule was usually demanding and draining, sometimes sucking the life out of her. But she also enjoyed the rush, and the thrill and even the sleepless nights and days. More to it, she enjoyed mastering her craft, improving her skills, and developing her prowess. And most especially, she enjoyed putting a smile on her fans' faces. That was the most important thing.
Funny how she never even considered acting as a choice before. She went to a different country to study and finished a totally different degree. When she came home, it came as a surprise also to her when she started working as an actress. Destiny, probably.
Acting was not her choice, acting chose her. Good thing she had a natural knack for it, born with the gift of excellence in anything she dived into. She was a natural-born actor, exemplary in the craft that had grown on her. She had learned to love it.
She was fairly underrated. Mainly because she had started later than everyone else. Compared to others whom everyone saw grow up in their screens, she was still seen as a fresh face, shadowing her magnificent talent.
The awards and all the recognition meant nothing to her though. It was merely unimportant. She wasn't in the game for fame, she was in it because she enjoyed playing. Strengthening her skills, bettering her capabilities. That's what was important for her. Improving, getting better. She wasn't someone who settled for less and provided for less. She wanted to be better, not only for herself but also for her co-actors and the people who are looking up at her.
She was happy with her career already, but the breakthrough her old boss talked about made her feel a little excited. Who doesn't want a breakthrough? She's read the script for the drama they were offering her and it gave her goosebumps. It was going to be a challenging character, but it was complexly marvelous. She always loved a challenge, and this one was a challenge she was willing to take.
That's what she thought about as she walked through the unfamiliar halls of her new company. It was a new environment she needed to get used to.
It was a new journey, she thought. And she'll make sure it was a journey worth traveling.
Signing the contract was quick. The new people that were meant to take care of her seemed kind, and they all welcomed her with warmth. She almost felt like they were family now, a new family.
Just as she makes her way to leave the conference hall, the door opens, sending everyone turning their head to one direction.
What came in after was something she never expected. Someone, rather. Her feet were stuck on the ground, heart rate gradually raising, hammering against the walls of her chest.
"Annyeonghaseyo!" The familiar voice filled the silence.
She hadn't noticed that she was holding her breath until she felt her chest ache from the lack of oxygen. This was what he did, not only to her, but to everyone. He took people's breath away. His presence replacing the air in the lungs.
When he locks his eyes with hers, her breath falters out in a shaky blow.
Those eyes.
"Kim Soo Hyun!" Her new boss exasperates, a loud laugh following as he welcomed him with a hug. She could only stare, watching them exchange hugs and greetings. She swallowed an invisible lump in her throat because just like her, his eyes never left hers.
"Yea Ji-ah, I'm sure you know our Soo Hyun-ah here." The CEO's voice thunders inside the room as he gently pulls Soo Hyun with him, walking towards Yea Ji who was statued in her spot.
She summons all the strength and might from within her and clears her throat lightly. She forces out a smile, nodding her head politely.
"Sunbae-nim." She eyes him for a spilt second, nodding once more.
It almost takes him aback. Sunbae-nim. Oddly, the way she addressed him bothered him. It had been five years since she first called him that, the memory crystal clear in his mind. He could never forget the first time he heard her voice.
What he didn't expect was how she's back to calling him that. It had been embedded in his mind the way she used to call him Soo Hyun Oppa. How it felt warm and comforting whenever she did, how it brought a certain degree of serenity. But now, it felt like they were meeting once again for the first time. Back to square one. Total strangers. The barren coldness in her voice made him feel empty.
He forces out his own smile, though reluctant. He nods his head, unable to look away from her.
"I heard you two worked together a few years ago." Both of them nod in unison. The memory of the ad they shot a few years ago flood their memories. The first time they met.
"De. Just for a quick ad." It was Soo Hyun who decided to confirm. Glancing at her from the corner of his eye.
"Well, if you accept the role, Yea Ji-ah, you guys would be working again."
"What do you mean?" Finally, Yea Ji found her voice.
"Well, he's the male lead of the drama we're offering you. If you choose to accept it, then you guys would be the main leads. So, I really hope you accept it, Yea Ji-ah. Both of you look so good together." Their boss nods his head as he looks at them back and forth.
She could only nod. She was totally taken aback by the information poured over her. Work together, both of them. Again. If only someone else knew about what happened the last time they worked together.
After a few more small talks, she finally managed to excuse herself. Her new boss bids his farewell with a warm fatherly hug, wishing her good luck and anoother triumphant welcome. She only looks at the man behind him, slightly nodding her head before she slides past the long table and walks out the door.
She releases a breath once she was out. She knew it wasn't impossible to run into him at some point. They were revolving in the same world, same business. It was inevitable. But she successfully managed to work without having to cross paths with him for so long, that when she met him today, totally unprepared and overwhelmed, she felt a slight rattle in her stomach.
And now, she was signed in the same agency with him, and may or may not work with him too. It felt like a train was rushing towards her in full gear, ready to slam against her out of her wits.
She was barely ten steps away from the door when someone suddenly grabs her hand. She immediately turns around, the shock making her jolt on her feet.
"Yea Ji. . . . ssi."
She stammered at the sight before her. Kim Soo Hyun, holding her wrist, so gentle and warm. His eyes were fixed on her, watching her as she looks down on his hand against her skin.
He immediately lets go, wary of the rationality of his impulsive action. He swallows an invisible lump, placing the hand he once had on her to the back of his nape. He suddenly felt warmth creep up to his cheeks, shy. He felt flustered with her presence and the way her eyes pierced through his.
There was something new in the way her orbs glowed. It was different from the ones that were blanketed with sullen shyness and sweetness. It was still there alright, but now there was something new. Confidence, a lot of them.
It made him weak in the knees. Flustered. Swivet. Now, he felt like he couldn't look her straight in the eyes. He can't even bring himself talk clearly.
"Uhm, " He lets out a breath. "Yea Ji-ssi. Do you want to go grab something to drink? They serve good coffee at the cafeteria." He tries to hold her gaze, but it was so intense he felt like he needed to look away.
He needed to look away to stop himself from advancing into something that might just freak her out. And that's the last thing he wants, freak her out.
Coffee. She almost wanted to chuckle. It also started with a cup of coffee. She unconsciously bit her bottom lip, thinking it through.
"You know, for old time's sake?" His anxiety was growing as he anticipated her answer. He was slowly trying to ready himself for whatever her answer is, slightly terrified if she said no.
She let's out a breath. For old time's sake. There was no reason to deny an old friend, acquaintance rather, a cup of coffee to share. It was just coffee. Well it was what she thought a few years ago too. Just coffee.
This time though, it's just going to be coffee. It had to be.
When she nods her head and releases a small smile, he almost wanted to jump up and down, fist the air like he did the first time she agreed to have coffee with him.
Shoving the fireworks of feelings erupting in him to the back of his head, he smiles. Stepping aside to lead her the way. She took cautious steps beside him, the fat obvious distance between them is failed to be unnoticed. But he doesn't push. He doesn't speak. He tries to bask in the silence between them, it wasn't as comforting as it was before, but it was with her, so he'll take it.
"Here." He enthusiastically pushes the glass door open, letting her enter first. Immediately, the smell of the freshly brewed coffee fills her nose, making her smile. She loved coffee. It never failed to comfort her in any way.
He found himself significantly jumpy, yet careful. He runs pass her, pulling a chair for her. He smiles, eyeing her shyly as she courteously nods, sitting down as he gently pushes it back.
He basically runs to the counter, ordering two cups of iced coffee. Watching her from behind, made him stop in his tracks. Her black silky hair cascaded down her back, sparkling under the sunlight that seeped through the glass walls.
Just as he remembered her, she sat with her back straight, her broad shoulders flat and hands clasped together on her thighs. She was anxious. She was like that the first time he had coffee with her.
And for some reason, it pulled out the melancholy in him.
He smiled through it as he carefully slides the cup of coffee towards her. He eyes her for a second as he took a seat, looking down immediately. She mumbled a soft 'thank you', her low voice sending a calm chill down the pit of his stomach.
His foot continued to tap against the tiled floor, his eyes fixed on his cup, his fingers holding it tight. He was nervous. Yet, he was excited.
Letting out a breath, he finally looks at her fully. Her light make up accentuated her features, her smooth glass skin glowing. She was beautiful, she has always been. And like she did the first time he saw her, she took his breath away.
He couldn't help but smile.
"How have you been?" He bites his bottom lip, anticipating her response.
She smiles. She's been trying to hold it in for a while, but she couldn't help it anymore. She smiles.
"I've been doing well. I guess you have too. I've heard you just got discharged from the military. Congratulations." She tells him with genuine sincerity, looking straight into his beautiful brown orbs.
He smiles, nodding his head. He had a scarcity of words. When he heard about her joining the company, he had thought of a million things he could say to her. Now that she was merely less than a meter away from him, he had nothing. He was enticed by her presence.
He didn't have this problem before, because whenever he had nothing to say, he would listen. He would sit in front of her, listening to her talk. She has the most beautiful, most attractive voice. And she loved to talked.
She talked endlessly whenever she was with people she was comfortable with, and he used to bask in the serenity and the calm that her voice brought. Her silence made him weary, has she lost the comfort she once felt for him long ago?
"It's nice to see you. It's been a few years since. . . . we" Broke up?
"Went our separate ways." She finished his sentence for him. She knew he had thought about saying they 'broke up' but they didn't.
It wasn't considered a breakup when they weren't anything, to begin with. They had just decided not to proceed with anything and went separate ways. It was complicated, but it was a mutual decision. Both agreed upon.
What happened to them was like fireworks. Sudden, beautiful and electrifying, yet short lived. It was a beauty not meant to last.
"Anyways, welcome to the company. I hope you consider taking the role, it would be nice to work with each other again. I would love to work with you." He says, hoping she feels the same way. It was true, he wanted to work with her. He had secretly watched all her movies, all her dramas, even the variety shows she was in.
She was a gem in the industry, and he hated how underrated she was. He saw how marvelous of an actress she is, and as an actor, he would love to work with someone with such dynamics.
It was just a bonus that it was her as well.
"I'll think about it. It would be an honor to work with you too, Sunbae-nim." She says, reluctantly nodding her head. There's so much to think about. So much to consider. But she was enticed by the complexity of the role that it would be so hard to let go of the thought of playing it.
As much as she would want to deny it, acting alongside him is inviting. He was a seasoned actor, talented and marvelous in his own right. The opportunity is one of a kind.
"Yea Ji-ah." The informality surprised her, making her stare. Making her heart make a small flip inside her chest.
"We were friends. We shouldn't be too formal. We are friends. Let's be friends? I-I want to be your friend. Yea Ji-ah." His voice almost started to tremble.
He was aware of how much she's changed. Evolved. She was already intimidating back then, now she was more than that. He almost felt like she was out of his league. And it slightly terrified him.
His breath falters when she pushes her chair back, fishing her phone to read a message. She stands up and politely nods her head.
He stares at her in bewilderment, slowly pushing himself up. His heart suddenly raced and slammed. Was she rejecting his offer of being friends?
He was about to say something, anything. But he doesn't get the chance because she smiles at him. Small but genuine.
"See you around, Soo Hyun Oppa."
He lets out a breath. A breath of relief as he watches her turn around and walk away. Dumbfounded, slightly, but he releases a triumphant smile.
The universe had been fairly cruel to them, but maybe it wasn't entirely. Sometimes the world breaks things apart so they could grow individually, so that when it's time to bring them back together, they would form an unbreakable beautiful whole.
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the hunger games or the quillan games which one is worse for joe average? which games are worse etc
oh man i have spent a truly ungoldy amount of time thinking about this as a kid.
but before we can have this discussion they need to be a few concessions.
1. pretty much everything about Quillan we know is from Bobby’s experice as Challenger Red, Nevva Winters and Saint Dane. Bobby was never able to talk to pretty much anyone else about Quillan they shut him down real quick.
2 one of those sources is Saint Dane, who is an insane lying time traveler
Spoiler's for the Quillan games under the cut:
the other is Nevva winters who we find out is in league with Saint Dane and got another Traveler killed, and betrayed Bobby the people of Quillan and pushed the territory into chaos. so we must take all we learn from them with a small grain of salt. as they were manipulating Bobby into a controlled outcome.
another thing worth noting is I only ever read the hunger games back in ninth grade (freshman high school) so it’s been a minute and I have not gotten that far in my Pendragon series re read for the Camp camp AU So I may be mistaken on some detail's.
alright with that out of the way let’s hop right into it.
(spoiler's for at least the Rivers of Zadaa, the Quillan games and maybe more of the pendragon series)
Quillan is the seventh territory Saint Dane attacks. he is stabbed by Bobby after he kills Loor on Zadaa, he hops into the flume and sends Bobby a taunting rhyming message through the flume to come to Quillan.
The flume is in the wall of a warehouse so large that Bobby can’t find his way out for at least a couple of hours and the Quigs are robot spiders (it’s possible that Quillan may not even have animals anymore?)
one thing Bobby is made a challenger because Nevva left him challenger clothes' by the flume, Katniss becomes a tribute to save her sister. this is another big difference between our main characters, Bobby has been running around the universe trying to stop saint Dane for years. he has a mixture of Zadaa and Denduron warrior training, to put him in the context of the hunger games...Bobby is a career.
that is not to say of course that Bobby would enter the games of either world on purpose. god no he hates death games as much as the next guy. but he is in a unique position to experice the games differently.
speaking of lets talk about the fundamental difference between the Quillan games and the Hunger Games.
1. Hunger games have a winner
ok now the term Winner is pretty subjective. but in the technical sense there is usually a single winner of the Hunger Games, one person survives and is rewarded with the “perks” of winning. on the other side Bobby straight up asks 13(?) his Dado butler if any Challenger's ever retire, and the Dado answers no, they all die playing the games. so the Quillan games have no winners (except for Blok but more on them later)
2. There is no government, the World of Quillan is run by evil Walmart
pretty much what it says on the Tin by the time Bobby shows up Blok runs the entire place, or at least it is claimed to be that way by Nevva and Saint Dane. they are un reliable sources for sure but we do say the board members acting as judges and governors in cases of failure to preform to the company's liking. and we do see the punishment for not being able to sell a large enough volume of jackets in summer is death...which while a bit dramatic leads us to the final major difference between Quillan and Panem
3. The Purpose of the Quillan Games are a tool to give the people of Quillan hope for a better life, while the Hunger games, are a truly baffling attempt to control an enslaved populace
honestly if Panem was a territory I would say the whole hunger games idea was Saint Danes to cause the up rising, because damn the hunger games are a god awful idea. oh you don't want a group of people to rebel...I know lets take there children by force and force them to fight to the death every year! oh and let’s make them watch! yea not a recipe for success, not to mention the fact that they gave one of those districts nukes! (the capital are damn geniuses I swear) a rebellion is inevitable. on Quillan the rebellion is also inevitable but not because of the games (ok it’s not just the games on Panem, but the Hunger games DO NOT HELP) on Quillan the rebellion's is inevitable because of Mister Pop and there suffering. but back on topic, the People of Quillan bet on the games in the hopes of winning extra food, money a better job house etc, you know stuff that makes life suck less. but since just about everyone is dirt floor poor. they don’t have much to bet with, except...there lives! again sorry a bit melodramatic, but also true we see on several occasions people who either lose the stand alone arcade games or the proper televised games and are hauled off by Dado’s to some unknown fate. Nevva says they are either enslaved as unpaid labor or worse, forced to work in the reactors which are impossible to survive. naturally there is some betting on the Hunger games, but it is not the poor and down trodden doing it in hope of a better life. it is mostly capital dicks being capital dicks.
4: Challengers are “better taken care of” before they die.
a man must be healthy before he can be excuted. same basic idea, since there are no winners in the Quillan games (and they are not called the Hunger games...really flexed your legs with that one huh the capital, you guys came up with that in what 10 maybe 15 minutes) they as Leebarge claims are treated like royalty, and it is true they are well fed and given nice, if clown filled rooms to live in and they throw a party every night. a party that is already pretty hefty but even more so on the days when someone doesn’t die. the tributes generally spend next to no time with each other before the games and are to busy trying not to starve to death and killing each other to throw a party during the games proper.
but now that we have discussed the key differences let’s talk where they are on the same footing.
1: the “Prizes”
both games have the same Prize for “winning” I put Winning in quotes because as already discussed you don’t actually win the Quillan games you just don't lose for a while. if you win the hunger games, you become super doper dummy rich and your entire district gets more food for the entire year. oh yea that will stop people wanting to lynch you with your entrails. then again what you get for being a challenger is way way worse. according to 13 the Robo Butler, Challenger's are chosen by Veego kidnapped from there families and forced to compete, if they win there families get food, and if they lose. and they will sooner or later there family get the ashes.
2. The rise up
both Books have people rise up after a big scale tournament, there is one big difference...Quillan is betrayed by Nevva Winter the Dado’s destroy Mr. Pop the last shred of Non Blok controlled Cultural history on Quillan and Saint Dane has his second territory, and Bobby almost dies for nothing. the Hunger games if I recall correctly it actually works and things suck a lot less...hopefully anyway.
Conclusion:
this is a difficult issue to tackle but I am going to say, Quillan is worse for Joe Average. having to bet your life for a chance for food is a bit worse because it is only the illusion of hope as Saint Dane claims. the games them selves...depends on the year but I will say Hunger games, mostly because if I recall all challengers are about Bobby’s age or a bit older 16- 18, there are no 8 year old's being forced to fight to the death. but yea other then that I would put the two death games on Par.
do you agree? let’s discuss! thanks for reading!
#Pendragon#The Quillan Games#The hunger games#let's discuss#Nevva WInters#Bobby Pendragon#saint dane#katniss everdeen#the Captial are idiots
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Their Hero Academia – Chapter 47: Faith and Lust
Presenting the next raw and unedited chapter of my on-going, next-gen, My Hero Academia fic, Their Hero Academia!
Earlier chapters can be found here
Akaya Koda in Tears From a Stone
Akaya tossed a handful of seeds into the water and called out to them with her Quirk, causing the water plants to grow larger and more rapidly than they ever would if they had been left to their own devices. The water lilies large and strong, forming the perfect series of rafts between the sinking yacht and the Oki Mariner. Other members of the Oki Mariner crew, most of whom had aquatic Quirks, worked to help safely transport the yacht goers across.
Aunt Tsu—Froppy, when she was working, of course—directed the action like a consummate professional. “Don’t worry,” she said. “You’re in safe hands with my girls.” As always, her expression never seemed to change, unless you were familiar with her.
There’d been six people on the yacht, three adults, a young boy, and a pair of teenagers about her own age, a boy and a girl. The two parents were highly inebriated, the other adult, a butler, slightly shaken. The inebriation probably explained the fact that the yacht had dashed itself on rocks. The younger boy’s eyes were wide, quite taken with all the Heroes.
The teenagers, on the other hand, seemed more annoyed than anything else. No, annoyed and… disgusted? The looks they were giving her and the other crew members like Octo-Pod, Tera-Spin, and even Aunt Tsu, she hadn’t encountered such cold looks in some time. But they were frighteningly familiar all the same.
“Can’t believe we got rescued by the aquarium patrol,” the teenage boy said to his sister, sneering.
“Were all the other Heroes busy?” the girl asked, her haughty tone of voice carrying easily. “I don’t remember ordering sushi.”
“Or a rock garden,” the boy added. “Think she’s hard everywhere?”
“Don’t be gross,” the girl shot back. “Nobody ought to be thinking anything about any of these freaks.”
Akaya felt her face flush as she looked away. Meanwhile, Asuka Sakamata, the daughter of Gang Orca, and third year student at U.A., hauled her massive black and white bulk up onto the deck. She was Froppy’s Work Study student and the largest woman Akaya had ever seen, easily dwarfing her and even larger than Grandmother Koda. Despite her fierce appearance, Akaya had already come to know her bark was far worse than her bite.
Still, it did not take strong powers of observation to see the hurt in her eyes. She’d heard it too. Hurt that Akaya was certain was mirrored in her own eyes. Her own Quirk was, technically, an Emitter type. But she carried with her inherited mutations from an ancestor on her father’s side that had possessed the Quirk “Rock Skin” that had been passed along her bloodline in the form of changed appearances even as other Quirks had combined and mutated. It gave her her great size and perhaps some small measure of greater strength and resilience with it, coarsening her skin even still. Her moss like hair came from her mother’s side of the family, where plant-like Quirks and appearances were common.
She was well aware that she appeared to be something of a walking mountain range. Or perhaps a troll, as some of her middle school classmates had called her. She’d thought she’d buried such hurt long ago. But she was only fooling herself.
“Buncha ingrates,” Sakamata said, crossing her arms. “Shoulda just let them drown.”
“They are young and foolish,” Akaya said. “Perhaps they may yet learn in time.”
They watched as the parents avoided the touch of Cephalo-Squad and Rockhopper, the mother in particular shrinking away from Cephalo-Squad’s tentacles.
Sakamata grunted. “Looks like it ain’t just them. Bastards. Maybe we should just throw them overboard.”
Akaya only wished it were that easy.
***
Space aboard the Oki Mariner was at a premium, even with the improvements to the ship Aunt Tsu had been able to make to it during her rise to being one of the Top Ten Heroes. But Akaya was able to steal a few minutes in the cabin she shared with Rockhopper and Tera-Spin. She was grateful for the all-female crew, at least. But she appreciated the all-too-brief moment of privacy even more.
She got down on her knees, feeling the slight rocking of the ship beneath her, and folded her hands. Closing her eyes, she bowed her head. “Lord, grant me the strength to endure their slings and arrows,” she prayed. “I try not to listen to their words, but the hatred in their hearts does me great pain. I do not mean to question your plan, Lord…”
She opened her eyes and, as a tear fell down her face, found herself staring at her hands, with their wide palms, and thick, coarse fingers. Akaya folded them again and closed her eyes. “And I am not unhappy with who I am. I know this is but another challenge I must overcome… But I do know if I have that strength.”
Life, she knew, came in many different forms since the advent of Quirks. The nature of attraction itself had changed. But there were still many who perceived those with inherited mutations or Mutant-Type Quirks as less than human. And even within those who were open-minded and accepting, deviations from the norm were often scrutinized. Even before her… developments, she knew her dear friend Mika’s appearance had elicited far less shock and discomfort than Akaya’s own. Sero, Tokoyami, Shoji, even Ojiro, many of Class 1-A had unusual appearances. But even with his extra-arms, Shoji was considered quite handsome, and Sero cultivated his look in such a way that few people called him on it. Those with animal characteristics, like much of the crew here and Tokoyami, had their own problems to bear, but it was more varied. Her own younger brother Rikido appeared basically human, with only green hair to show for his differences, and thankfully did not endure what she had to.
She still remembered one of her first crushes, three years ago, a hasty and mumbled confession when she’s skewed up all her courage to ask him out. He’d been a friend. He’d said “I’m sorry, Koda, but I just don’t find you attractive.” Somehow, that had hurt far worse than anything else could have.
Her friends at U.A., both those she had grown up with and those she had made since starting at the school, at least, had no problems with her appearance. And many of them, Mika, Kana, Shiro, and even Aoyama, would be ready to “throw hands” in Shiro’s words, with anyone who had spoken to her as the people they rescued had. None of which made it hurt any less.
She was but as God had made her. Why did so many see that as wrong?
***
“Fuck ‘em all,” Sakamata said, as she and Akaya were on deck-swabbing duty. The events of the rescue still weighed heavily on Akaya’s mind, even though most of the other crew appeared to have moved on from it. For now, the Oki Mariner was docked in the harbor, much of the crew ashore getting dinner, with only a skeleton crew left behind. It still left them plenty to do.
Aunt Tsu had tried to be reassuring, but she could not understand, not really. For all that Frog was a Mutant type Quirk, Aunt Tsu’s deviations from baseline were fairly minor. She was a beloved Hero and a favorite of children, seen by many as cute. She could not understand.
Akaya regarded Sakamata for a moment. “That hardly seems the Christian thing to do,” she said.
The orca-woman pointed a finger at Akaya. “You gotta be you. Don’t apologize for it. Don’t let them tell you what you’re worth. You think I gave a shit what meatheads and dumbasses thought when I started transitioning? You think I give a shit what some bigot thinks of how I look?”
Sakamata was the daughter of a former Top Ten Hero and a rising star at U.A. One of the Big Three of her year, alongside Nejire Togata, and a Speed-Quirk user named Hayai Sokudo. Akaya had already seen how she threw herself into every task before her, the way in which she walked unapologetically through life. And yet, Akaya had already seen that she could be kind as well. She was not soft-spoken, but could be soft when it came to children or animals like dolphins and whales.
Truthfully, she reminded Akaya of Kirishima-Bakugo.
But there was something behind those red eyes of hers, the same pain Akaya had seen there earlier. “I think,” she said, “you care more than you let on. Or more than you would like to, at least.”
“…Yeah, okay,” Sakamata growled. “What can I say? People suck.”
“More people are good than not,” Akaya replied. “At least, so I chose to believe.”
“And when they’re not?”
“Then my faith sustains me. Or so I try. I pray for the strength to endure and I pray for their enlightenment.”
Sakamata snorted. “No offense, but what sounds like a lot of wishing.”
Akaya was used to such reactions when she spoke of her faith. Christianity was not common in Japan and not well understood. “None taken. But my faith sustains me when I feel like breaking.”
Sakamata gave her a skeptical look, but then shrugged. “Whatever works,” she said. “I’ve probably punched a few more people than I oughta have. Tossed a couple of ‘em around. Might be a reason for all the black marks on my record.
“But if you want me to, I can punch the next guy who says somethin’. Lots of bigots in this town.”
Akaya nodded as they resumed their work. “It is appreciated, but I will decline.”
There would always be those who were cruel and thoughtless, who judged others for matters beyond their control. But at least she had found someone else who knew how she felt. She remembered her mother’s words, that prayers were not always answered in the way you would think.
Sakamata lived her truth, unapologetically, with strength and courage. Akaya, truthfully, struggled at times with her appearance, especially when so many of her friends and classmates were so much more traditionally attractive. That she was from a long line of people who looked like her suggested it wasn’t impossible that someone would find her pretty, but some days, that seemed like a very far off possibility.
But perhaps she could find something worth following in Sakamata’s example. She just had to have faith.
***
Mika Mineta in A Lustful Morning
Mika had never been awake at 0500 hours before. She was pretty sure she hadn’t even been aware 0500 was an actual, for real, not made-up time before now. But Ingenium insisted upon an “early patrol” every Wednesday, in order to “remind people from all walks of life and occupations that Heroes will be there for them, every hour, of every day.” This explanation had been punctuated by significant hand waving.
How someone could be as attractive as he was—a little over two meters of pure, rock-solid beefcake—and be that big of a stick in the mud, she had no idea.
She’d only been here since Monday and she’d already worked harder than she ever had before, even in her Hero classes at U.A. Intense physical training, readiness drills, and so many manuals to read and procedures to memorize. Not to mention having been forced to make her bed in the Sidekick’s berth multiple times until she’d gotten it right. And there was the criticism of her costume, as “overly sexual” and “not fitting for a woman of your young age.” Just because Ingenium’s daughter ran around in full armor…
Ingenium ran a tight ship. Which was not to say everyone under him did. His brother, Tensei Iida (not to be confused with the Tensei Iida who was in her class), who lent his expertise as mission control, was a much more easy going individual. And several of the Sidekicks were more relaxed as well, though a few did try to model themselves after their leader.
Speaking of, she knew Team Iidaten had a lot of Sidekicks working for it, but seeing it in the flesh was quite another. Many of them had mobility-related Quirks, though not all of them.
“Ugh,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “I’ve already been up thirty minutes. Why can’t I have coffee?”
Ingenium was standing before her and the four other Sidekicks selected for morning patrol. “Coffee is an addictive stimulant!” he said, waving his arms through the air in what seemed like random, but carefully controlled motions. “A Hero must always be prepared to function at their best, regardless of circumstances, and without artificial aides! While some coffee is acceptable in moderation, relying upon it as a jumpstart is unacceptable!”
“Okay, okay,” Mika said, rolling her eyes. Guy definitely didn’t do anything by half measures.
“And stand up straight!” Ingenium continued. He was wearing the helmet, but she could tell he was scrutinizing her all the same. And not in the way she liked to be scrutinized. Objectifying her was one thing, but actually judging her and trying to correct her faults? What was the world coming to?
There was a sudden rush and a red and gold blur suddenly arrived, seemingly out of nowhere, next to Ingenium. It resolved itself into a woman with long blonde hair, wearing tall red boots with yellow trim, a red and gold leotard, and long red gloves, likewise with yellow trim. Red trimmed goggles with yellow lenses completed the outfit. On her chest—yeah, she was looking—was a yellow lightning bolt symbol. “SorryI’mlate,” she said, tossing off a small salute to Tenya. “Hadtostopapursesnatcheronmywayhere. Don’tworry, I’llgetallthepaperwork filedbeforetheday’sover!”
Okay, Mika was reasonably certain those were words. But they’d come out way too fast for her to follow. And probably for Ingenium too, as his expression passed through irritation, confusion, and then acceptance.
“Flash-Step,” Ingenium said, cheerfully, “glad you could join us for this early patrol. And do not worry, your duty to the citizens of this city outweigh your duty to be on time. Just please remember to slow down before you file the paperwork.”
“Ofcourse,Boss,” Flash-Step said.
“Sorry,” she said, finally slowing down. “Was still going pretty fast there. Back to normal now.”
She shook her head, sending her hair cascading in a halo around her. Mika took a moment to take in everything, from her well-toned legs to her chest to an ass that looked like you could bounce small change off of to what looked like a six-pack under her leotard.
“Mineta,” Ingenium said, “please meet Hayai Sokudo, my Work Study participant, from U.A. She will be responsible for supervising you during this morning’s patrol.”
Maybe 0500 wasn’t so bad after all.
***
Mika’s hooves made a soft clip-clop on the pavement as she and Flash-Step walked through the streets of Hosu City. It had been pretty boring. According to Ingenium, crime never slept. Right at that moment, though, it felt like crime was sleeping in. Of course, she’d managed to nearly walk into three street signs, two mailboxes, and one phone booth (Why was there still a phone booth in this day and age?). So there was that.
She couldn’t help it. The view was incredibly distracting. Of course, Mika found most people distractingly attractive. But Flash-Step was really distractingly attractive. Like, on the level of Shinji distractingly attractive.
Speaking of her boyfriend, she surreptitiously took a picture of the Work Study student with her phone while she was speaking with a civilian, then sent it to Shinji.
Babe, look who I’m working with.
Sorry, right, it’s stupid early.
Hope I didn’t wake you up.
But, she is, like, super-hot.
Should I hit on her? Y/N?
Hot Boyfriend: Holy hurricanes!
Hot Boyfriend: She is nearly as spectacular as you!
Hot Boyfriend: I INSIST that you hit on her! To waste this opportunity would be criminal!
Babe, you are –the best-
Wait, crap. What if she’s straight?
Hot Boyfriend: You won’t know until you try!
Hot Boyfriend: But if she is straight, could you try and talk me up?
What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t?
Try and talk my boyfriend up to the hot girl that we’re both trying to hit on?
Of course I will!
An open relationship with a super-hunk worked out really well.
***
Flash-Step, as it turned out, possessed a Quirk called “High Gear.” It let her shift into super-speed for five minutes, but then required another five minutes to cool down afterwards. It also took the full five minutes to come out of it, as evidenced by the fact that she remained accelerated and fast talking if she finished whatever high speed task she’d set herself before that time was up.
“Saw you at the Sports Festival,” Flash-Step said, as they walked the streets. “They had Third years helping with security, but I caught your first match on my break. When the Boss said you were coming, I watched the rest.” She paused stuck a piece of gum in her mouth. “Don’t tell the Boss. Not supposed to have this, but I gotta get my oral fix.”
She blew a bubble with perfect lips and such breath control that it made Mika’s heart and other parts flutter. It popped, noisily, and she sucked the pieces back in.
“Oh yeah?” Mika asked. The pop had snapped her back to her senses, letting her formulate an actual response, instead of stuttering like a moron. “What’d you think?”
The older girl considered, chewing her gum. “Boss says you’re undisciplined and a trouble-maker.” Mika’s heart sank for a moment. Of course, that was what pretty much everyone thought about her, so she was used to that. Hell, most of the time, she encouraged it. Flash-Step shrugged. “Now, me, I think…”
“You take that back, you bastard!” the voice cut through the air and cut off any possible answer from Flash-Step. Mika followed the source of it, finding what looked like a bunch of high school boys, two groups of them judging by their uniforms, six in total, getting ready to rumble. Probably a good old fashioned school rivalry.
It was entirely too early for this kind of dumbassitude.
“You gonna make me?” one of the boys in the other uniform taunted. He’d activated his Quirk, idly tossing a fireball from one hand to the other. Next to him, most of the others were calling up their Quirks as well.
“I’ll beat it out of you if I have to!” the one who’d called out originally snarled. He raised a palm and a spikey ball of inky blackness appeared, floating around him like a miniature sun. Around him, his own schoolmates were activating their Quirks.
“We going to clobber them?” Mika asked.
“Not if we can help it,” Flash-Step said. “If this turns into a fight, we’ll have to call the police. It’ll go on their records, they might get charged with petty Villainy.” She frowned. “But we need to do something before they get tired of posturing.”
“So what you’re saying is we need to diffuse the situation without violence?”
“Yeah. Guess we could try talking to them…”
A grin spread across Mika’s face. Her time had come. “Let me handle this.”
“I shouldn’t…”
But Mika was already in motion.
“Heeeeey boys,” she called out, putting a little bit of extra swing into her hips as she approached. She bent forward entirely more than was necessary, giving them an excellent view of her cleavage. “Think you could break up your fight and spare a minute for little old me?” She gave them her best “airheaded beauty” look, the kind with pouty lips and half-lidded eyes.
This got all eyes on her. Good. That meant they were all straight, or at least bisexual. Being pan herself, she tried not to make too many snap judgements about other’s sexualities, even if her radar for that was very good. At least two of them were openly undressing her with their eyes.
She put a hand on her cheek. “I think I’m lost, any chance you could help me?”
“Sure,” the one who’d made the spikey black ball early said. “But what’s in it for me?” He was leering. Maybe in a slightly icky way.
“Dude,” one of the other ones said. “She’s a U.A. student! See the costume? Didn’t you watch the Sports Festival?”
“I did,” the fireball user said. “She’s the one who kept talking like a slut.”
Mika pushed down the urge to growl. She owned her own sexuality. To reduce it like that…! But she was playing distraction here. “Oh, tee-hee,” she said, forcing herself to giggle. “What do I know about anything like that?”
“You little boys down?” Flash-Step said, having gotten behind them while they’d been distracted by Mika.
“What?” “Huh” “Who’s..?” Various exclamations of surprise rang out from the six as they realized they were surrounded.
“Get to school, all of you!” Flash-Step shouted. “I’ve got all your faces recorded on my goggles! If you don’t get moving in five seconds or if I hear about you trying to fight like this again, I’m sending it to the cops and every Hero in the city!”
With a grumble, the boys dispersed. There were a few half-hearted “this isn’t overs” but the fight had clearly gone out of them.
“Bye-bye, boys,” Mika said, waving and blowing them a little kiss.
“Good job,” Flash-Step told her, after the boys had left. “Definitely not a strategy I’d have thought of.”
Mika grinned. “No? You could have pulled it off, real easy.”
“Maybe,” Flash-Step replied. If she’d picked up on the subtext Mika was radiating, she didn’t show it. “Still, nice distraction and non-violent escalation. Pretty sure the Boss wouldn’t approve, but he can be kind of a stick in the mud.”
“The stickiest,” she agreed.
They continued walking after that. “Anyway,” Flash-Step continued, “Nejire and I were talking about the Spots Festival. She was rooting for Midoriya, of course, but I was rooting for you. You’ve got guts, kid.”
Mika turned so Flash-Step wouldn’t see her frown. Kid? From somebody only three years older?
Ah, well. Win some, lose some.
#their hero academia#my hero academia#fan fic#fan fiction#my writing#tsuyu asui#tenya iida#akaya koda#mika (tha)
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Metaphorical Dreams of a Broken Soul - Chapter 2
Gratsu Bingo 2019, Gratsu Week 2019
Prompt: Breath(e)
AO3 | FF.Net | Ch 1
Metaphorical Dreams of a Broken Soul
Chapter 2
Gray's eyes opened to pitch darkness. His breathing was ragged, his heart beating so fast it pained his chest. He sat up slowly, cradling his face in the palm of his hand until he felt himself free of the nightmare's hold on him.
He allowed himself a few minutes to calm down before thinking about what had happened. He’d had that nightmare more times than he cared to remember and until today it had always been the same. Why the hell had Natsu shown up? It was bad enough to see Ur or his parents sacrifice themselves for him, but fucking Natsu? That was a nightmare in and of itself.
He could still see the cocky expression on the idiot’s face when he ran off to fight Deliora. It was just like him too, rushing in without a single thought in his head as to the consequences.
Even though Gray's breathing had evened out, he still couldn't get Natsu's final screams out of his head.
Fuck! He didn’t need this.
Gray wanted to get up and go check on Natsu, just to make sure he was okay even though he knew it was stupid. It was just a dream, it wasn’t real. But those screams wouldn’t stop echoing in his head.
Fuck!
He decided to go out for a walk, and if he happened to pass by Natsu's room, well, that was just a coincidence. It wasn't like he actually cared what happened to him. Once he was assured the idiot was fine, he exited the dorm and spent a few hours walking around Magnolia, trying to make himself tired enough to fall back asleep.
Xxx
Gray had told himself it was a one-time thing. A fluke caused by him following Natsu on his first solo job to make sure he was okay. That had been true for about a week, but now, Natsu had become a permanent fixture of his nightmare. And every time it happened, Gray had to watch Deliora kill his friend. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd woken up to the sound of Natsu's screams ringing in his ears after being forced to watch Natsu disintegrate.
He was having trouble sleeping, and it was making him irritable, especially against the one he held responsible for his misery. Gray knew he was being unfair, it wasn't like Natsu had placed himself there on purpose, but there were just so many times he could watch Natsu die before he had to admit that a part of him also died each time it happened. He loved Ur and his parents deeply, but they only existed in his memories, Natsu was someone he saw every day.
And that confused him. Why Natsu? Why not Erza or Cana? He'd known them longer, and frankly, they were much more pleasant.
No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't come up with a rational explanation. But all of these thoughts naturally made him more aware of Natsu. He started noticing little things that needed improving, stupid stuff like shaky stances and wild punches because whether he admitted it to himself or not, he'd now developed an actual fear that one day Natsu would no longer be there and just maybe it would be his fault.
Still, he told himself it had nothing to do with him being concerned about Natsu. No, it was just that Gray was better at these things, and it was his responsibility as a fellow guild member to correct these weaknesses.
Gray provoked fights as often as he could, pushing them both to become ever stronger. But of course, this only worked when Erza wasn’t around. She was determined they be friends even if she had to knock their heads together to accomplish it. While it had given them a healthy fear of Erza, it hadn’t really helped their own friendship any.
She would force them together at any opportunity, and Gray began to wonder if she was using them as an excuse to ease her own loneliness. The three of them couldn't be any more different. Probably the only things they had in common was a dark past and their love of fighting, and fight they did.
But they also played, as more and more kids joined the guild, Jiichan was determined to give them as regular of a childhood as he could provide them. Especially given their pasts. So in between jobs, there were trips to the beach and picnics during holidays or special events. There were parties for birthdays and to celebrate accomplishments. They became a family in every sense of the word, but still Gray kept Natsu at a distance.
He never invited Natsu to go on jobs with him, even though he knew how much Natsu preferred to go on missions with others. Even though he thought it might actually be fun for the two of them to fight together for a change. It was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.
And that’s the way things would have continued if the universe weren’t set against him. But it was. How much more evidence did he need? All it took was one job to change everything.
Erza showed up one day carting a ridiculous horn, and to everyone's shock asked Natsu and Gray to help her out on a job. That had quite simply never happened before, and even though they both tried to get out of it, there was no real way they could say no to Erza.
Despite all of Gray's attempts at keeping his distance from Natsu, they'd ended up being on a team together.
Gray had had a bad feeling about the job from the start. It didn’t help that he’d had that stupid nightmare the night before or that the new girl, Lucy, had tagged along. He didn’t know much about her, but he felt a slight resentment towards her for taking up so much of Natsu’s time. Time that Natsu would have otherwise spent fighting with him.
Erza had sent the two of them after the leader of a dark guild, and they'd decided to split up to be able to cover more ground. It was the right decision, but as Gray looked at Natsu's retreating back, he found himself whispering, "Don't die on me" like some lovesick girl.
He found he didn't care, watching Natsu walk away from him had been hard. The genuine fear that something would happen to the Fire Dragon Slayer just for being on a mission with him was an old one and not one he could quickly dispel. His mind immediately going to the last few seconds of his dream. It didn't help that ultimately the villain they'd had to fight was another Demon of Zeref.
But Gray was older now and stronger. Between him, Natsu and Erza they'd been able to defeat the demon made out of Living Magic with ease. And that was a turning point for him.
It took him a while to get used to the idea, but it turned out that unlike what he'd feared initially, being able to keep an eye on Natsu helped calm his anxiety. It also allowed him to do something he never thought he'd want to do. Observe Natsu outside of the guild.
To his amazement, there was a lot more to Natsu than he'd ever given him credit for. Sure he was an annoying cocky asshole, who whined if he didn't get his way, and was utterly useless in a vehicle, but he was also surprisingly kind.
Natsu considered everyone a friend unless they proved themselves otherwise. He was also very forgiving, and when he wasn't afflicted with excess energy or motion sickness, he could be a lot of fun to hang out with. He was incredibly creative as a fighter, able to think his way through difficult opponents and find ways to turn his perceived weaknesses into strengths, and that was something that Gray admired, even if he was loath to admit it.
A more troubling development to Gray was that he found himself admiring Natsu more than was considered normal between friends. Because of the dreaded dream, he'd not only turned Natsu into the most important person in his life for the last seven years but somewhere along the way he'd begun to care for him as well. To want to keep him close, and to do other things he was afraid to acknowledge, not liking what it might say about him.
But Gray was not one to lie to himself, and he'd certainly never felt that way about any of the girls in the guild. In fact, Gray had the nagging suspicion he might be gay.
He was slowly coming to terms with the idea. He hadn't talked to anyone about it, although he had a feeling that Erza had her suspicions. And of course, he had no idea which way Natsu swung, which made everything even more complicated. What did it mean when Lucy hung all over Natsu, and he didn't respond?
With Erza gone on a mission, Gray decided to step back from team jobs until she returned and do some soul searching, figure out what the hell he was feeling and what if anything he wanted to do about it.
He wasn’t troubled when Natsu and Lucy were absent from the guild when he arrived. He figured they’d have gone on a job to make some rent money for Lucy.
He sat in his usual spot at the bar, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. He was actually relaxing when Mira noticed an S-Class mission was missing. And then Laxus mentioned he'd seen Happy flying out the window of the forbidden second floor with a piece of paper.
Makarov asked Laxus to go fetch them before they got in over their heads and when the S-Class Mage refused Gray volunteered to go in his stead, hiding his rage so Makarov wouldn’t have a reason to deny his request.
Gray rushed to the port city of Hargeon, knowing they'd have to hire a boat to get to the island that had put in the job request. Finding them without much effort, he tried to convince them to come back before they were expelled, or even worse, Erza came looking for them.
He thought he’d been angry when he’d learned about Natsu’s recklessness. That was nothing compared to how he felt now that he’d come to in a boat after the moron had knocked him out and tied him up, determined to continue his mission no matter what.
And Gray could feel himself getting sucked into that smile, and those eyes and the unspoken challenge.
Xxx
"It's impossible!" Gray's voice came out in a whisper. They'd fallen into a cave that lay underneath some ancient ruins they'd found while exploring the island, looking for anything that might help them break the curse the island seemed to be under. Not surprisingly, Natsu's recklessness had caused the fall.
Gray still couldn't believe what he was looking at, and he couldn't stop staring. The creature from his nightmares, the one he'd thought had been moved to a glacier somewhere off the Northern Continent was in front of him, its features still in a hideous snarl. Just what had Natsu gotten them into? And Gods, why was Natsu here?
The logical part of his brain understood that Deliora was locked away and in no position to hurt Natsu or anyone, but the panicked part of him that had watched Natsu die more times than he cared to count was freaking out.
“How?”
Just how did Deliora even get to this small island? While he was filled with the familiar dread, he found he almost wanted to touch that ice. To feel his Master, who had given her life to seal his darkness. She'd been forced to cast Iced Shell, turning her body and will into a prison of unmeltable ice.
It had been the only way to defeat the demon, Gray knew that. But it had hurt, and it still haunted him. So much had changed for him since that day, but the guilt he felt at causing his Master's death had never gone away.
“You know what that is?” Lucy asked, her voice full of curiosity.
Gray nodded, not trusting himself to answer yet, his brain jumbled as all his thoughts and fears fought each other for control.
“Are you okay?” Natsu’s concerned gaze warmed Gray’s heart until he realized there was no reason for it.
Why was Natsu looking at him like that? The only person in the guild that knew anything about what happened to him was Jiichan, and Gray knew he'd never tell anyone. There was something else, having watched Natsu so closely all these years he could easily recognize when Natsu was feeling guilty about something.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Gray responded, feeling puzzled and already trying to think of reasons why Natsu might be feeling guilty. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Uhm, no reason,” Natsu looked away and stared at the monster in the ice and then back at Gray again, and now Lucy and Happy were also looking at the Fire Dragon Slayer strangely.
“Flame Brain?”
Natsu ignored him and asked in what passed as quietly for him, “What is that thing?”
Gray stared at him for a moment longer, still trying to make sense of what was going on. It would have to wait though, figuring out why Deliora was here was more important.
"Its name is Deliora. Ten years ago it went around the Northern Continent, destroying everything in its path. No one knew where it came from or how to stop it." Gray's voice sounded flat as he attempted to distance himself from the events that had changed his life so completely.
“My Master, Ur, gave her life to trap it in a prison of unmeltable ice. I don’t understand, it should be hundreds of miles from here.” Gray looked at his friends, his brow furrowed as he tried to work out the problem in front of them.
“We should keep exploring, “ Lucy suggested, “Maybe we can find something that can help explain this.”
“You guys can go explore if you want,” Gray revealed, “I’m going to stay here until the moon comes out. The villagers said the curse had something to do with the moon. It can’t be a coincidence.”
Natsu, Lucy, and Happy began to argue about what to do but having already made his decision, Gray tuned them out.
He sat across from the large block of ice and stared at it with hatred. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn't want to take his eyes off the demon. Just as he was beginning to travel through his memories, he felt someone sit next to him. He assumed it would be Lucy wanting to ask a lot of questions, but to his surprise, it was Natsu.
"Okay, that's it," Gray snapped, happy to redirect his frustration to something else. "You're acting strange as hell. What's going on in that pea-sized brain of yours?"
"Nothing, can't a guy just offer support to his friend?" Natsu attempted to look offended at the question but failed miserably.
“Natsu?” Gray pressed, “I can’t help but notice that you were the only one who didn’t look surprised by what I said.”
“I was, I mean what happened in Isvan was terrible, I just process stuff differently,” Natsu sputtered.
“Funny, I never said anything about Isvan,” Gray’s eyes narrowed as he took in his friend’s discomfort.
“Uhm you didn’t?” Natsu laughed nervously as his fingers played with the fringes of his scarf in a gesture that Gray recognized all too well. “Pretty sure you did.”
"That's it!" Gray grabbed Natsu by his beloved scarf and pulled him closer to him, his other hand already shaped into a fist. "We've got hours to wait, and I'd love nothing better than to beat you into a pulp for getting us into this mess. So spill or else!"
“Guys, come on, we’re in the middle of a job,” Lucy tried to calm the situation down, “ Isn’t this reckless even for you?”
“Stay out of it!” Natsu and Gray yelled in unison.
“They wouldn’t be so high and mighty if Erza were here,” Lucy muttered to Happy making the cat snort in agreement.
Gray stared into Natsu’s eyes, catching the way they flickered away from him nervously before he was shoved away forcefully. “Fine, I’ll tell you.”
Natsu gazed down at his hands as he spoke, “I went into one of your dreams.”
“What are you talking about?” Gray was panicking, which dream had Natsu seen? “How is that even possible?”
“Look, don’t get mad, okay?” Natsu pleaded, “It was a spell I learned from a book. It was supposed to be a prank. I just wanted to challenge you to a fight when you weren’t expecting it. I thought it would be funny.” Natsu looked miserable.
“But it wasn’t, it was terrible, and I -- I saw some of what happened back then,” Natsu admitted, “You probably don’t remember…”
“You think I don’t remember?” Gray retorted, his voice glacial as he tried to keep himself from pouncing at Natsu and beating the ever-living shit out of him for the blatant invasion of his privacy.
“I never did it again, I swear,” Natsu was quick to reassure him, “I don’t even remember how to do it anymore!”
“You asshole!” Gray seethed, and this time he did punch the moron in the jaw as hard as he could, and he felt no remorse whatsoever. “Do you have any idea what you did?”
Natsu rubbed his jaw, “Okay, I probably deserved that. What are you talking about?”
“Your stupid spell, it somehow changed my dream. For the last seven years, I’ve watched you give up your life for me. My nightmare turned into Deliora killing you!”
Natsu gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing like a fish until words finally came out, “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
"I was ten, I just thought it'd be funny. I wasn't expecting… and I felt bad about it ever since." Gray could hear the regret in Natsu's words, and he slowly began to calm down. He looked behind them to see Lucy and Happy staring at them in shock, neither seeming capable of saying anything.
“Can you guys give us a minute?”
“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” Lucy started before Natsu interrupted her.
"We'll be fine, just see if you can find anything more in the ruins, Happy can fly you back to us if you get into any trouble." Natsu smiled at her reassuringly, and Gray could feel the rumblings of jealousy in his stomach, but he ignored it.
They waited for Lucy and Happy to get far enough away before saying anything more, each needing the extra time to figure out how to proceed.
“If you felt so badly, why didn’t you tell me before?” Gray demanded angrily.
“How could I?” Natsu pointed out, “You’re so fucking private, it’s impossible to have that type of conversation with you. Besides, soon after that, you were only interested in using me as a punching bag.”
Gray sighed, knowing Natsu was telling the truth. He'd made it his personal mission to both make Natsu stronger and push him away. It was the only way he knew to keep him safe. "Fine, but just for the record, it would have been nice to know."
“Can I ask you something about the dream?” Natsu entreated, olive eyes pleading with Gray.
Gray thought about it and decided it couldn't hurt, with what he'd seen in the dream Natsu already knew more about his past than anyone else in the guild, barring Jiichan. There were some things he wanted to know too, and he wasn't sure they would get another chance to talk about it.
He nodded his head slowly waiting for Natsu’s question.
“There was one thing I never understood,” Natsu puzzled, “The blood on your hands that appeared out of nowhere. What was that about?”
Gray sucked in his breath, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. Damn instinctual lizard!
“I have a lot of blood on my hands, “ Gray tried to explain, “My mother and my father both died trying to protect me from that thing.”
Gray's voice oozed with hatred as he glared at the frozen demon, "And you've already seen what happened to my Master."
"And then I went and did the same thing," Natsu guessed, frowning as Gray confirmed it with a nod, "I'm so sorry Ice Block. You have to believe I never meant for this to happen."
Gray managed to chuckle, “I know, Pinky. You’re not smart enough to pull off something like this on purpose.”
“Hey!” Natsu grumbled, even though he knew the ice mage was right. He let the insult pass, not wanting to break the tentative truce they’d reached.
“My turn, why did you do it? You knew you were in a dream, it wasn’t real to you.”
“It was plenty real, seeing how you were acting made it real to me,” Natsu explained slowly making it seem to Gray like he was reliving the experience, the pain in his voice only reinforced that thought. “I couldn’t let it kill you, I had to protect you, just like you had been trying to protect me throughout the dream. I guess maybe we’re not all that different, huh?”
“I guess not.”
“Wait! Is the dream why you were such an asshole to me?”
“Partly. I wanted to make sure you were as strong as you could be,” Gray suddenly laughed mischievously, “ but you’re also annoying as fuck.”
Natsu grumbled, but Gray could see an amused smile on his lips, even as he muttered, "You're one to talk."
“Natsu, promise me that if we have to fight this thing, you won’t do what you did in the dream.”
“How about this?” Natsu hedged, “How about we try to do the one thing we didn’t try then?”
“You mean to fight it together?”
“Yeah, I mean we did pretty well against Lullaby,”
"Lullaby was weaker, and we had Erza with us," Gray pointed out, "Nothing against her, but I don't think any of Lucy's spirits are going to be strong enough to help if it came down to it."
Natsu snorted, “You really don’t think Erza will show up soon? They sent you to come get me, and we haven’t returned. Who do you think is going to be next?”
Gray thought about it and realized Natsu was right, odds were that Erza would get there soon and that could change many things, but only if she got there in time.
“I can’t watch you die again, Natsu,” Gray said honestly, “Not like that.”
“Stop looking at me like that,” Natsu complained.
“Like what?”
“Like you already think I’m going to die, I was ten back then. I’m a lot stronger now, so are you!” Natsu reminded him, “If this thing somehow comes back to life we’ll take it out, and whoever is behind this. We’re Fairy Tail, it’s what we do!”
They both grinned at that, feeling reassured by the familiar phrase. Natsu and Gray both sat down, keeping watch over Deliora together.
“Can I ask you one last thing?”
“Are you sure we can handle any more touchy-feely crap?” Gray snorted.
“You’re probably right,” Natsu agreed and went back to staring at the demon.
“Ugh, just ask. Now I’m curious.”
"Uhm okay, it's just that lately I've noticed you staring at me oddly, and your scent changes when you do. When I asked Erza about it, she said I should just ask you, but it never seemed like a good time."
Gray had been expecting all sorts of questions but not that one, and he could feel his cheeks flush with embarrassment at being caught ogling his friend. Shit! What was he supposed to say? This wasn't exactly the best time to confess his feelings, or was it? Deliora might kill them, and then he'd never know if his feelings might have been returned.
Natsu peered at him, looking confused once again as he sniffed the air.
“What is wrong with you? You look like Happy does when I catch him sneaking a fish…”
“Level with me, how far away are Lucy and Happy?”
Natsu lifted an eyebrow but did as Gray asked, sniffing the air some more, “Pretty far away, I can barely make out their scents.”
This was insanity, Gray knew it, but fortune favored the bold and all that bs that Jiichan loved to spout at them.
“Look, that dream messed me up, I spent a lot of time worrying about you, and then thinking about you and somewhere along the way I started to like you.”
“You... like me?” Natsu repeated the words slowly, like someone who was trying to understand a difficult passage in a book. His face scrunched in disbelief as he peered over at Gray.
Gray nodded, and he could feel his face changing colors once again, making him wish he hadn’t said anything because he had no idea what Natsu’s response meant.
“Well, aren’t you going to make fun of me?” Gray snapped when the minutes passed without Natsu saying anything.
“Why would I make fun of you for that?” Natsu stared at Gray with a perplexed expression, “I’m just trying to wrap my head around it, I mean you have to admit you act like you barely tolerate my existence most of the time.”
Gray scratched the back of his head, “This is… confusing for me. I’ve never thought of another guy this way, or girl really, so I’ve been kind of fighting it.”
"You shouldn't fight your feelings. You are what you are, and nothing will change that. Igneel used to say that to me all the time, and now I'm saying it to you." Natsu smiled at Gray, his tone encouraging but his gaze sad as he mentioned his long lost father.
"That sounds wise for an overgrown lizard," Gray retorted, trying desperately to lighten the tone of their conversation. They were already surrounded by his past, and now Natsu was bringing up his. "What else did he have to say?"
“He said that when I fell in love, I should fall in love with the person, regardless of the body they were in.”
“Didn’t realize dragons were so liberal.” Gray smiled.
“I still miss him, you know,” Natsu said with a sigh.
“I know,” Gray said simply, “I miss my parents and Ur too, but hey at least you might see him again someday.”
“You think so?”
"I know so, you're too stubborn to ever give up," Gray smirked as he took a chance and ruffled Natsu's hair roughly, trying to get a rise out of him, "It's one of the things I like about you."
"How did you know you liked me?" Natsu asked seriously.
"I, uhm, think about you a lot, and I worry about you being safe, and sometimes just thinking about some of the things you do brings a smile to my face," Gray answered, feeling incredibly embarrassed but sensing that Natsu was trying to sort through something. "I want to feel closer to you and do things like hug you when you're upset. Uhm, and finding you attractive was sort of a big hint too."
“Is that what that is?” Natsu looked at him with amazement.
Gray nodded, expecting Natsu to realize that’s how he felt about Lucy. He looked back to Deliora, not wanting to see the moment Natsu realized he liked someone else.
“I guess I like you too then,” Natsu surprised Gray by wrapping him up in a fiery embrace.
“All those things you said, I feel them too.” Natsu let go of Gray before the ice mage even had a chance to register what was happening. He grinned cheerfully as he asked, “So, does this mean you’re mine?”
Gray was still feeling embarrassed by the whole exchange, but he was able to nod in agreement.
"I haven't had someone of my very own since Igneel left," Natsu said happily, and Gray's heart melted at his innocence. He wanted to kiss him then but was stopped from doing so by a sword being pointed at his neck.
“You were supposed to bring the idiots back, not go with them,” Erza growled in displeasure, “I had to hijack a pirate ship to get here.”
Natsu and Gray turned to see Lucy and Happy bound and gagged behind a fuming Erza.
With the appearance of Erza, Gray found himself releasing a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He wasn't sure how the rest of this quest would pan out, but he did know that if it came down to it the three of them would be able to defeat Deliora like they had Lullaby. He would trust his friends to help him overcome his demons, instead of pushing them away like he'd done before.
And when all was said and done, he and Natsu would embark on their own adventure. Gray felt himself growing excited about his future for the first time since he was a child and looking at the ice that covered the demon he knew that wherever Ur was, she was glad.
A/N: I finished it, I’m not entirely thrilled with it but I know it’s the best I can do for now. Perhaps I’ll revisit it at a later time. Thank you to everyone who left me messages of encouragement. My husband has his first interview tomorrow, so hopefully, something will pan out soon. This is my last entry for Gratsu Week as my bonus day entry has already been posted. Thank you so much for reading!
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I got tagged by @brightandshinynewstories!
Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) then tag ten people.
These are not in any particular order, because I love all my favs in their own special ways.
1. Caduceus Clay (Critical Role.) My very special cow boy. I love his chill, I love how he takes on the caretaker role for his messy little found family, I love his 9 intelligence and getting distracted by moss in a life and death situation, I love his faith and belief in destiny, but possibly what I love the most is his views on nature that align so much with my own.
2. Oscar François de Jarjayes (Rose of Versailles.) Listen, Oscar spends all her time fucking with gender roles in 18th century France, fighting injustice, getting on board with the revolution and flirting with every woman in a 50 mile radius up to and including Marie Antoinette. She’s a big wlw icon and I long for a reboot where she ends up with Rosalie instead of fucking Andre.
3. Brienne of Tarth (ASOIAF.) Isn’t it a shame GOT ended after season 6, Gwendoline Christie is so gorgeous. Anyway, I was definitely too young to be reading these books in high school but I did anyway and Brienne was both my hero and fictional crush. She’s so strong and brave and more noble than any ‘true knight!’ I love Brienne with my whole damn heart.
[[MORE]]
4. Auron (FFX) God I love this bitter disillusioned undead ronin who’s consumed with guilt and self loathing because God Lied and he was fooled just like everyone else and he wasn’t able to save his lord who he was definitely in love with!! He literally fucking dies in a tragic desperate attempt to avenge Braska and the. decides that no, fuck this, he’s failed everyone else (in his mind) and he’s gonna keep one last promise to his friend and being dead is not gonna stop him!! He hates himself so much but he’s so goddamn loyal even death doesn’t stop him.
5. Sophie Hatter (Howl’s Moving Castle.) Book version, because Miyazaki did my girl wrong. Sophie’s whole story is about her assuming that she’s doomed to failure in everything so she never tries for a better life and just expects that her life is never going to amount to much of anything. And then she gets cursed and it ends up helping her realize how stupid a lot of her fears and insecurities were and she’s finally able to discover that all that shit about failure was just in her head! The only thing holding her back was herself!! Also she has really powerful magic in her own right and later gets to consult with kings and do important work and why did the movie take away all the best things about her!!!
6. Dr. Kenzo Tenma (Monster.) The poster child for ‘No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.’ Risks his whole successful career as a brain surgeon to save the life of a child and he’s rewarded for his altruism by getting sucked into the middle of a brutal murder mystery that paints him as the prime suspect. The thing that makes Tenma so special is that he starts off believing that all lives are equal, and after going through absolute hell and seeing the worst of humanity...HE STILL BELIEVES IN IT. It would be so easy to have him become disillusioned and abandon his ideals, but no! They’re challenged in the worst possible way, but at the very bitter end, he doesn’t lose his belief in the inherent value of all human life.
7. Granny Weatherwax (Discworld.) I want to be half as fierce and strong as Granny when I’m old. She’s not nice and she’s tremendously stubborn but she’s a DAMN good person who won’t let anyone take away another person’s free will and steps up to do the right thing when no one else will because she’s GOOD. Even when she doesn’t want to be. She’s powerful and proud and knows exactly who she is. She’s amazing.
8. Samwise Gamgee (LOTR.) FRODO WOULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN FAR WITHOUT HIS SAM. God, Sam is so full of love and strength and courage. He follows Frodo literally to the end of the damn world and when Frodo can go no further, Sam carries him on. I can’t think about Sam too long without crying. He’s so very good.
9. Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender.) So we all agree Zuko got the best redemption story of all time, right? It’s so, so good watching this angry mess of a kid grow and heal from his trauma and learn to open his heart and love and finally have the courage to confront his abusive father and tell him to his face that what he did was wrong! After spending so long trying to prove himself and win his father’s love on an impossible quest! Zuko’s growth is just the best. And he’s such a lovable awkward goof. That’s rough, buddy.
10. Beatrix (FFIX.) Did Beatrix make me gay as a wee innocent baby child? Probably. I fell in love pretty much the minute she shows up, calls you insects and completely destroys your party without breaking a sweat. She starts out as a villain but everything she does is out of misguided loyalty to her queen, and once she finally realizes how wrong she was she busts her ass to try to redeem herself! She loves Alexandria so much and she’s 100% willing to fight to the death when the city is attacked. She’s honorable and loyal to a fault and she’s absolutely the reason I’m weak for lady knights.
Tagging: @maeofthedead, @youngsterhammy, @saint-tibbles, @quarterpasttired, @disasterhumans, @skygemspeaks, @megneato, @kimabutch, @pastellieria, @fwishbone
If I didn’t tag you and you wanna do it, consider yourself tagged!
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Klance AU Month Feb 1: Coffee Shop
Gross
Klance AU Month- Feb 1: Coffee Shop
(A Future Klance-Family fic)
“I don’t like it here,” Lucas grumbled, poking at the sodden mittens his Papi had draped over the heating vent.
“Stop picking at them let them dry,” Lance sighed, pushing a literal bucket of cocoa across the table. Keith would grumble about portion size, but Keith hadn’t had to try to entertain Lucas and Kashi all day and Lance was hoping sugar and chocolate overdosing the boys would buy him like… ten minutes of pleasantness. Please, God… just, TEN minutes! “Here you go, the biggest cocoas they had, with caramel syrup, extra whipped cream and chocolate shavings for Lucas…. And the same, but with hazelnut syrup and cinnamon instead for Kashi. And cafe con leche for me.” He wrapped his cold hands around the mug and breathed in the heavenly smell.
“I don’t like weather,” Kashi said, “I like when the air doesn’t have STUFF in it- snow, ice, water droplets… just… no.”
“Yeah,” Lucas jutted a thumb out toward his brother, “what he said! On the Atlas, it is never too cold, or too hot, there’s never rain or… whatever THAT stuff is!”
“Sleet,” Lance supplied, “that stuff is sleet… and I’m not a fan either.”
“Why would Thace even WANT to go to college in a place where the AIR throws ICE in your face???” Kashi huffed. He was not a fan of his eldest brother moving away for college in the first place… which meant that neither was Lucas… and they’d both been SO vocal about it that when it came time to do campus tours, it quickly had been evident that the youngest pair of their five kids needed to be occupied elsewhere.
So, HIS day had been miserable. Fingers crossed that Keith had had better luck with Thace and the twins.
“This school has an EXCELLENT Engineering program,” Lance reminded them.
“Better than apprenticing under Uncle Hunk on the Atlas?” scoffed Lucas.
“Yes… and even Hunk would say that. Hunk recommended this program to us in the first place.”
“Boston sucks,” Kashi muttered.
“No, it doesn’t. Today was just… not a great day.” Tweens would be the death of him. They really would. It was like his sons had lost the ability to feel joy if one of their parents was in the room. “We can’t control the weather.”
“You can on the ATLAS!”
“Lucas,” he sighed, “we’ve talked about this…”
“No one has made a final decision but Thace deserves to have all the information before he does yadda yadda yadda…” Kashi pushed some whipped cream around with his spoon, looking for all the world like a tiny, sullen Keith (with a SENSIBLE haircut, thankyouverymuch). It took every scrap of willpower Lance possessed not to pinch his cheek. It was endearing how much the younger boys hated the idea of their big brother moving out. So endearing that he didn’t have the heart to tell them that there was virtually no way Thace was going to decide to stay on the Atlas with them when the option was to live on campus WITH his long-term girlfriend.
Because his firstborn was 18 and in love and thought himself all grown up and ready to take on the world, and Lance couldn’t say a peep, because when he was 18 and in love he was on the front lines of a war, pining for his teammate, and making far dumber decisions than Thace was likely to.
The bell at the door chimed and they were hit with a blast of cold air carrying the exhausted voice of his husband. “Would you three knock it off, already?!? Rai, you don’t get a vote on where Thace goes to school. Talia- we KNOW you are planning on Olkarion, stop bringing it up. Thace- weather is not a factor in your decision, understood?”
“But there is actual SLUSH falling out of the sky,” Thace pointed out. “I don’t want to live where the sky throws slush at me.”
“It’s sleet!” Lucas chimed helpfully, his mood vastly improved by Thace’s apparent rejection of this school.
“Maybe Juanita LIKES sluuu-sleet,” teased Talia, “what will you do then?”
“We’ll have a conversation and make a decision together,” replied Thace, “what are you going to do if Bailey doesn’t want to move to a whole other galaxy for school?”
“Oh. My. God! Bailey and I are like baaaaaarely even dating! I’m not making any decisions about school based on a guy I am just like… kinda, sorta seeing.”
“Uh-huh,” mumbled Rai, “barely even dating… just fused at the mouth 24/7.”
“What’s this now?” Lance asked, prompting his daughter smack her twin and turn beet red.
“NOTHING!” She yelped, “I’ll order the drinks! Thace come help me!”
Keith just shook his head at them as he pulled his gloves off and set them next to the boys’ mittens on the heater. He was peeling out of his scarf when he caught Lance’s eyes and smiled, tension melting out of his features. Lance’s heart skipped a beat and his belly flipped and he felt his smile turn giddy from the look on his husband’s face. “Hi,” purred Keith, leaning in to kiss Lance gently as he sat in the chair beside him.
“Hi yourself,” Lance answered as the kiss broke.
“GROSS!” chorused all five children.
“Ugh, save it for your ‘naps’, weirdos,” drawled Rai, using finger quotes and rolling his eyes.
“Hey, knock it off,” Lance countered, “that was just a little hello kiss… it could be soooo much worse…”
“I doubt it,” mumbled Lucas.
“Ohhh was that…”
“No! No, it wasn’t anything!” Kashi elbowed Lucas.
“Did I... did I hear someone…
“Nothing! He said nothing!” insisted Rai.
“No, no… I think I did!”
“Papi! No! I didn’t!” squawked Lucas.
“Yeah, yeah… I DEFINITELY heard someone issue ME, Loverboy Lancey Lance Kogane, Pilot of the Red Lion, a challenge…”
Keith cackled, as the kids groaned, “now you’ve done it, boys. You know what he’s like…”
Lance turned his chair, then yanked Keith’s closer, “heya handsome.”
“Hi, babe,” Keith answered.
“You look cold,” Lance observed, leaning close, “which seems impossible for someone as hot as you are.”
“Kill me now,” muttered Rai.
“This is YOUR fault,” Kashi hissed to Lucas.
“You offering to warm me up if I am?” laughed Keith, his cheeks flushing.
“Oh, you know I am,” he tangled his fingers with Keith’s, “you’ve got really nice hands, did you know that?”
“Stop it,” whimpered Lucas.
“So do you,” Keith replied, rubbing his thumb across the back of Lance’s hand. “Long fingers… like a musician.”
“I do play a little guitar,” he scooted even closer. “You’re gorgeous… you look like you could be a rock star… little bit of a bad boy vibe going on.”
Keith laughed, his eyes dancing, “I’m more of a martial arts kind of guy than a musical one.”
“What… What is happening here?” Talia asked, her voice stunned.
“They were being gross,” Kashi answered.
“Were? WERE?! This is ARE! They ARE being gross!! Why are they STILL being gross?”
“Lucas,” muttered Rai.
“That’s really hot,” Lance continued, “but I bet I could make you sing like a bird.”
“MY EARS!” Thace yelped, “I can never unhear that!”
“Lucas? What. Did. You. DO?” Talia turned pointedly AWAY from her fathers, shielding her eyes with the coffee in her hands.
“Papi said they could be worse and Lucas said he doubted it,” Rai explained.
“Nope!” She said setting Keith’s coffee in front of him. “I’m not sitting with them. I’m sitting… uhh… over there. Bye!”
“Yeah, I’m joining you,” Thace agreed, handing Rai his drink. “Have fun with… all that, guys.”
“I hate them,” Rai muttered.
“You sound pretty confident,” laughed Keith, cheeks blazing now. He was happy to indulge Lance’s competitive streak and make the kids squirm, because… well.. Payback, honestly. They’d been awful all day… and who the heck complains about their parents GETTING ALONG!?!?
“I do, don’t I?” Lance grinned, waggling his eyebrows.
“OKAY YOU WIN!” squawked Lucas, “you were right! The kiss was nothing. This is way grosser. Stop! Please stop!”
“But… this is fun,” pouted Lance.
“You won, Loverboy,” chuckled his husband, “give the kids a break. You can flirt later when they aren’t around.”
Lance’s expression brightened and he leaned in to kiss Keith’s cheek, “promise?”
Keith rolled his eyes, “yes, I promise. Rai… go get your brother and sister… the little melodramatic pair of them.”
Rai sighed, but left the table, and Lance gestured to the younger boys. “I have been informed that our sons do not like ‘weather’.”
“They don’t, huh?” Keith wasn’t sure where Lance was going with this.
“I think they’ve been spoiled by the climate controlled life aboard the Atlas,” he explained.
“I don’t like where this is going,” whispered Kashi.
“Sooo, I’m thinking we should maybe trying living on the surface for a couple of years,” he finished cheerfully, “and commute.”
“You want to commute?” Keith confirmed.
“Yeah, I think it would be good for the kids.”
“To the Atlas?”
He nodded.
“In orbit.”
“The Lions can do it in no time flat.”
“Everyday?”
“Mmhmm…”
“Lance that’s…” he shook his head, “that would be a nightmare, babe!”
“What would be a nightmare?” Talia asked.
“Papi is talking about moving to the SURFACE,” Kashi hissed.
“Like… Cuba? Cuba would be cool,” Rai said, dropping into a chair, “I could work at the shop with Tio Luis after school.”
“Ummm… Do I get a vote? Because I don’t want to change schools!”
“No one is talking about changing schools,” Keith assured her.
“Then how is he going to work at Tio Luis’ shop?”
“We’re moving? Why are we moving?”
“Woah- everyone calm down,” Keith’s voice cut through the din, “we are in public and getting loud. Not acceptable. Everyone sit. Papi had an IDEA. That is all. It’s barely been mentioned let alone discussed or decided.”
“But if it goes anywhere,” Lance interjected, “we will have a family meeting and you will ALL have a chance to talk as much as you want about what you think of it. We are a team, and Team Kogane works together. Right?”
They all murmured their agreement, and settled into chairs, the table going quiet for a moment as the idea of leaving the Atlas bounced around. Talia’s phone bleated and she pulled it out, the smile on her face when she saw the text betraying the sender. “Say hi to Baiiiii-leeee,” crooned Lucas.
“Really, kid?” sighed Lance, “again? I’m telling you, youngest to youngest, you are going to REGRET giving them a hard time about the people they date when you start dating. Older siblings hold grudges. I promise you, this,” he gestured at Talia and Thace, “whole thing you’ve got going on? It’s going to kick you in the butt. Mark my words.”
“He is speaking from experience,” agreed Keith, “they gave him SUCH a hard time about Allura!”
“ALLURA!?!?” the children chorused.
“Way to blurt THAT out, Mullet,” Lance muttered.
“Hold on,” Talia tore her attention away from the phone, “you and Auntie Allura were a thing?”
“Not so much a thing, no,” Lance sighed, “there was A date. One single date. That proved to both of us that we were not meant to be a couple.”
“Then why did they give you a hard time?” asked Rai.
Lance glared at his husband, “I’m going to divorce you. I’m going to divorce you and this will be the reason. You understand that, right?”
“You don’t scare me. You’re not going to divorce me,” Keith chuckled, “you threaten to divorce me every day. I’m immune to the divorce talk.”
Lance gasped dramatically, clucking his tongue and shaking his head. “Just you watch me! DIVORCE!”
“Not gonna happen,” Keith said calmly, “they gave him a hard time because of all the blushing and pining.”
“Awww,” cooed Thace, “how cyoooot! Papi had a CRUSH on the Princess!”
“Are you implying that Allura of Altea is NOT crush-worthy?” Lance asked.
“What?” Thace went pale, “I didn’t say that! Please don’t tell Auntie Allura I said that! Oh… GOD! Please don’t tell CORAN I said that!!”
“He had it BAD for Allura from the moment he met her,” Keith supplied, ready to save Thace from his own panic.
“A literal Princess literally fell into my arms, and then told us we were destined to be heroes,” Lance pointed out. “It was like something out of a fairytale.”
“You’ve always been a hopeless romantic,” Keith chuckled.
“By the time we got back to Earth I didn’t see her that way anymore though. I’d just gotten used to the idea of being in love with her and it being hopeless…”
“But, you said you went on a date? And Dad said there was blushing.”
“I don’t remember saying your Papi was the one doing the blushing,” tsked Keith.
“Yes. ONE date. She came to dinner with my family. We went for a walk. There was a very sweet kiss. It was a lovely date. I remember it fondly. But, mainly because it was what made Allura and I see each other clearly for the first time, which is why we can be such good friends now.”
“What did YOU think of the whole date thing?” Talia asked Keith.
“Ohhhh, GOOD question!” Lance turned to smile at him, “I can’t believe I never thought to ask you that!”
“I… wanted my friends to be happy. If that was with each other, then the important thing was that they were happy,” Keith answered. “But… if they weren’t… then I needed to smarten up and make some changes.”
“Changes?” Rai echoed, “what kind of changes?”
“I….” Keith faltered.
Lance slipped his hand over Keith’s, “he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship then. He knew I wanted…. All this. Marriage. Kids. You guys. He did, too… he just didn’t know HOW to make this work and had to figure it out.”
“So… you guys were already in love when you went out with Allura?” Lucas asked.
“I don’t think either of us had figured that out yet,” Keith laughed.
“Kissing Allura made it pretty clear to me,” Lance said, “I knew what it SHOULD feel like and it… was nice. Sweet… but not the same.”
“The same?” Kashi narrowed his eyes, “you guys had ALREADY kissed!”
“How did we end up talking about this?” Keith asked no one in particular. “Guys, we were in space a long time. We didn’t know we were falling in love, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t interest. Okay?”
“But-”
“Hold up!” Lance laughed, “I will tell you guys the whole story, if you want me to… buuuuut I will remind you that you think us kissing each other hello is gross. So, be absolutely SURE you want to hear the answer before you ask any more questions about the two teenage boys we were back then. Okay? Okay.”
“Eww,” Lucas made a face. Rai and Thace blushed. Talia rolled her eyes, and Kashi was visibly debating whether he should ask something.
“No gross stuff… but if YOU knew after you kissed Allura,” Kashi started, “when did YOU know?”
“When did I know I was in love with your Papi?” Keith clarified. Kashi nodded and he sat back, thinking. “I don’t think I really had like a moment where I went ‘oh, I love him’. For me, it was more like… he kept getting a little more important to me and then a little more and a little more… and eventually being able to offer what he deserved was more important than the stuff I was afraid of. It was easier to get myself together than it was to live without him. It was easier to stay than to go.” He sighed, “I’m making myself sound really lazy. None of that stuff was EASY. It was REALLY hard to stop being afraid of getting left behind. It was REALLY hard to learn how to be part of a couple, and to work through the fights and the hurt feelings. All that was so much harder than anything I’d ever done. But being HAPPY with Lance was the easiest thing in the world… and NOT doing the other stuff? Like, staying away and not being with him, that was IMPOSSIBLE. Keeping people at a distance used to be easy for me, but I could NOT do that with him, so I had to figure out how to be close.”
“Awwww, Mullet,” Lance cooed, lifting Keith’s hand to kiss his knuckles. “You never told me any of that.”
“Okay, but WHEN,” Kashi asked again, exasperated, “when’s the FIRST time you remember knowing that you were in love with Papi?”
“In the Quantum Abyss,” Keith said after a moment, “that’s when I knew it wasn’t just an interest… when it could be something real. When I didn’t know if I would ever see the others again, and how much MORE it hurt to think that I’d never see Lance again… Yeah. That’s when I knew something had changed.”
“So… you completely changed who you were, for a guy?” Talia asked, “aren’t you always telling us NOT to do that?”
“He didn’t change who he was,” Lance said quickly, “he is still the same hot-headed, stubborn, brave, awkward, loyal, quick-thinking, introverted, amazing guy he always was. He just faced his fears and dealt with the shit that was holding him back. He COULD do that because of who he really is. If you find someone who makes you want to face your fears and slog through the darkest parts of you to be with them, we’ll support that. That is NOT the same as pretending to like American football and hate ACTUAL football, or not talking about being Cuban, or doing things you know are wrong to impress someone.”
“Okay, okay,” she rolled her eyes, “geez!”
“So… when did you actually get together?” Lucas asked, “like, officially.”
“Our very first official date was the second of April before my twentieth birthday,” Lance said with certainty.
“It would have been the first, but he didn’t want to risk it being a prank,” explained Keith.
“And then you dated for how long?” asked Kashi.
“We got engaged that December… he proposed at the ice skating rink- you guys know that story,” Lance supplied, “and we were engaged a year and a half before the wedding.”
“That’s not that long. Juanita and I have been together longer than that,” Thace mused.
“Don’t even think about using us as some kind of relationship planner,” Keith laughed, “I was stuck on a Space Whale for two years, then we all jumped ahead three… and we were a mess in the beginning. You and Juanita set your own pace. There’s no rush.”
“Any last questions?” Lance asked, “I promise, I’ll answer ANYTHING you ask me…” He waited a moment and when no one spoke up and he was greeted with assorted variations on a head shake he polished off his coffee, “alright. Good. Now, Thace, what was your FAVORITE thing about the campus?”
“My favorite?” Thace thought for a moment, blue eyes flashing, “the robotics lab. They had tech there that was amazing. So much more variety than what we have on the Atlas!”
“Really?” Talia interjected, “I thought you were all about library, with that interactive study support program?”
“Yeah, that was pretty impressive, too.” He launched into a description of the holographic tutors and test prep programs the library offered. Which led to a discussion of how the engineering programs were structured and what he liked and didn’t like about them. Before long the entire family was debating the pros and cons of the school. Keith went quiet, watching the most important people in the world to him laugh and talk and argue. His kids. His husband. Before long, Thace would be out on his own. Then the twins would be off to face the world. Even Kashi and Lucas were barrelling toward adulthood far too fast.
He stood heading to the counter to get a fresh round of drinks, because his brood of extroverts (and Rai, his sole introverted kid) would be hashing this out for a while, and the weather outside was anything but inviting.
“Excuse me?”
He turned, blinking in surprise when he realized that the person speaking to him was Galra, “yes?”
Her yellow eyes widened and her fluffy ears flattened slightly, “I’m sorry to disturb you… You are the Black Paladin, yes?”
“Yeah,” he answered with a smile, “I am. Can I help you?”
“I just…” she sighed, “I wanted to thank you. My father… he was a Blade of Marmora. I know you… you helped Kolivan after… everything. I never thought I’d get the chance… just… thank-you. Thank-you for making sure the Blades weren’t forgotten.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that,” he said in a rush, “the Blades were, to a man, among the strongest, bravest, most honorable men and women I have ever had the privilege of knowing. They deserve to be remembered and honored. I named my son after a Blade who sacrificed himself for me, for the mission. Without his work, his selflessness, we never would have been able to defeat Zarkon.” He nodded to the table, “the tall one with the brown hair, his name is Thace.”
“Thace?” she echoed, “his name is Thace?”
“Yeah,” he confirmed, “we’re touring colleges right now. He graduates in the spring. Oh… oh no… are you crying?” He grabbed a napkin from the counter for her.
She blotted at her eyes, nodding. “It’s alright… I’m fine… I just…” She took a shuddery breath and pulled out what he recognized as a Galran holo-locket and pressed it into his hand. “Look. This is my father.” He did as she asked, triggering the little projector. The light flickered for a moment, it must have taken damage somewhere along the way because the image glitched and blinked out before coming into focus. A handsome, familiar face appeared before him and time froze. His eyes flicked back to the woman, connecting her features to the hologram in front of him. He pulled her into a hug, “he was a great man. A GREAT man. A true hero.” Releasing her he cleared his throat. “Please… PLEASE come meet my family. They would be so honored.”
He bustled her over to the table of people quietly but animatedly discussing… cafeteria food, at the moment and rested his hand on Lance’s shoulder to get his attention. “Guys… your Dad has someone for you to meet,” Lance said, his voice serious enough that they all fell silent.
“Everyone… this is… oh, I never got YOUR name, I’m so sorry!”
She laughed awkwardly, waving off his concern, “I’m Dai’sa. My name is Dai’sa.”
“Dai’sa,” he repeated, “this is my husband Lance, the Red Paladin, and our children. That’s Lucas, by the window. Then the one that looks like me is Kashi. This is Talia, and her twin brother Rai… and this… this is Thace. Everyone, Dai’sa’s father was a Blade of Marmora.”
They fell over each other to offer their condolences and gratitude. Lance made a point of standing and shaking Dai’sa’s hand, repeating that the Blade is a family, and so she should consider them to be family, as well and generally being his charming, gracious self.
“Did you know her Dad?” Kashi asked after a moment.
“I… uh… I did, actually,” Keith answered, “he saved my life. We named your brother after him.”
“Thace?” Lance asked, astounded, “your father was Thace?”
She nodded, “did you know him, too?”
He shook his head, “no, I never got that honor. But I know he was a hero. He saved… thousands of lives, millions possibly. I am so sorry that the war took him from you. If you EVER need anything of us. Of Voltron, the Paladins, or… just… us… the Koganes. Please do not hesitate to ask.”
“Uh.. thank-you. Thank-you.”
“Hey, chiquito, come say hi,” he waved his son over. Thace was tall and long-limbed, like Lance and his sister Rachel, who’d carried him, but broader through the shoulders and a bit bulkier. He looked like the McClains, with his softly curled brown hair, blue eyes, and coppery skin, but you could see Keith in the shape of his eyes, the quirk of his smile, and in the way he moved and spoke.
“I’m Thace Kogane,” he said softly, “it is such an honor to meet you. To meet another child of the Blade… but YOU specifically, too. I want you to know, I am VERY proud of the name I carry. I am proud to be Galra, even if I am only one quarter Galra. I know I have very big shoes to fill, I hope I can live up to the legacy of the name I carry. I hope I can make you proud.”
“Thank-you,” she repeated, laughing and blotting at her eyes, “I feel like I have been saying nothing but that since I approached!”
“Well, you should stop,” Talia interjected, “because we are the ones thanking you… and we’ve all done that. So, how about, instead of us all tripping over one another in gratitude, you join us for a coffee and tell us all about the great man that brought us together?”
“Please,” Keith said, gesturing to an empty chair.
“Oh, no! I couldn’t possibly intrude! You are with your family!”
“The Blade IS a family,” Kashi insisted.
“There is plenty of room,” added Rai.
“Alright… if you insist…” Lance nodded to assure her that, yes, they really did and she took a seat. Keith hurried back to the counter, paying for Dai’sa’s order as well as his family’s and collected the tray that held all the drinks. He settled into his seat, clasping Lance’s hand in his own. Thace’s daughter. He’d had no idea that such a person even existed, but he could see the resemblance.
Lucas looked over at his parents and rolled his eyes, “thanks for joining us Dai’sa… you being here might actually keep them from being gross!”
#KlanceAUMonth#MonthlyKlance#Klance#VLD#Voltron#Klance Future Family Fic#Thace(OC)#Rai(OC)#Talia(OC)#Kashi(OC)#Lucas(OC)#Dai'Sa(OC)#domestic Klance#keith (voltron)#voltron lance
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ASKS 10
‘less weird hairs,’ pics of me, real life questions, seasons thoughts, kpop stuff, ‘are you a boy’ erhdfnv, tutorial questions, edits, ‘safe’ cc, and umm yeah never go camping in the actual woods ok
Anonymous said: Can you do Less weird hair? I Like how good Mesh You make but all styles look Really Weird I never Would use them. I just want Usual hair? Thanks you
Firstly, thank you for the meshing compliment, but tbh I think I make pretty simple hair styles? Like I don’t do many crazy things especially recently? Idk, I hope you like some of my hairs and can find something that fits in your liking :/
Anonymous said: Hi I really love you content and I was wondering if you’d ever do a “goddess locs” hairstyle?
Ok I am gonna be super straight forward about this, making hairstyles like this is really challenging for me. I have tried a ton of times and I just can’t get the meshes to work out the way I like. UV mapping is a pain in the ass, making the hairline match well, and making sure none of the mesh strands are broken is next to impossible for me. Most creators that make hairstyles like this do them from scratch or spend a long time working on them for them to look right. I’m not saying ‘no’ because I am going to try to play around with some seasons meshes (I have hair ideas) but no promises :(
Anonymous said: BLACKPINK COMEBACK
i know omg jennie snapped, I wasn’t planning on buying the physical album but I ended up caving in and getting the pink versions ;-; I hope I get Jennie or Lisa photocards
Anonymous said: i know your theme is by gukthemes, but what is it called?
PAPILLON by GUKTHEMES
Anonymous said: Are you ever gonna do a face reveal?
I have posted a pic of myself before in one of these ask posts, here are three more from the past few months :P
Anonymous said: Fav kpop group(s)???
1). LOONA (bias Kim Lip)
2). BLACKPINK (bias Jennie)
3). RED VELVET (bias Joy)
4). CLC (bias Yeeun)
5). DREAMCATCHER (idk their names but the rapper)
Anonymous said: You play pokemon go still?
Yes! I collected cards/figures growing up and watched the show before school every morning. I’m not a ‘game’ fan but the mobile app is fun. Actually I played the Wii U Pokemon tournament game but it was boring so :/
Anonymous said: are you going to buy seasons? do you think it is worth it?
I got it from CDkeys for $25 lmao, so yes :P I can’t run the live mode so I kind of am just getting it for the new CAS assets :/ but I think the pack looks really good. Everyone always says ‘it looks like the best EP so far’ every time something new comes out so I’m not gonna say that but we will see :D
Anonymous said: whats ur skin blend called?
Fruitpunch! You can get it here
Anonymous said: when are you going to be done camping?
I am back home now lmao I assume you sent this when I posted about not having service there :P but I was camping for 3 days? I know it was 2 nights at least refdbv also omg some camping stories:
► I didn’t have my voice for the entire trip bc I got sick with laryngitis, and now koby (the guy i shared a tent with) has it too erfdbvc
► It was blazing hot like omg I was dying, there werent showers, bathrooms, anything with AC. The tents were boiling hot, the ground fucking hurt, and it was just hell ok this isnt even a story I just need to complain.
► There was a racoon family outside the tents the first night, and we thought it was a bear bc we were literally in the middle of the woods, like it wasn’t a campsite with other people, it was the forest ;-; anyways we were legit so freaked out and up for 2 hours just listening to them walk around the tents and god it was so scary rfbdv
► As I said, I had no service so I missed the larvitar community day in pokemon go -_-
► I suck at cornhole so I was the cheer leader for a team UwU
► A deer jumped out right in front of the fucking car like RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT omg we were so close to hitting it like... it was fucking scary
► We went walking on a trail that was down a mountain and once we got down we discovered that the chairlift up was CLOSED so we had to walk back up and it was a nightmare bc we had all just drove like 30 minutes to shower in crappy no pressure no heat showers and we were all sweaty again by the time we got back to the top ;-;
dont go camping
Anonymous said: Your last edit creeps me out.
LMAO why? It isnt meant to be sexual or scary?
@achinghearts88 said: I really love Sims 4 cc but I constantly struggle with finding safe sites and have accidentally downloaded a virus trying to get cc before so I'm kinda frightened now. What advice do you have for getting safe cc? Thanks!
Hello! I use an adfly skipper + adblock, and if both of those don’t work then I just don’t download the cc. For some creators (nolan-sims, simduction, isjao, ivo-sims, and others) I will turn them off because I know these creators aren’t ones that use the sketchy adfly stuff, but for others that I don’t know well I leave it on. I use: U Block origin and adfly skipper (both on firefox)
Anonymous said: I couldn't find a "contact me" thing but your AHarris00Britney has a broken mesh I think.
??? idk what this means im sorry ;-; what hair are you referring to?
Anonymous said: an amazing creator and a loona fan???? i stan
My mind... your mind... our mind..
@chocooosims said: hey, I love your cc, you are such a good creator! :) I'm not sure if someone already ask you that, but have you ever considered making a tutorial where you show us how you create maxis match hair? I mean, I know that I can already find on Internet tutorials about frankenmeshing hair. But the thing is that you are one of the only creator who do more than simply merge 2 EA's hair together. So, I would really love to see a tutorial of how you are creating your cc! :) Thx for your time!!
I am making a BIG tutorial right now of me making a hair from start-finish and it is around 3 hours not speed up. My guardian angel is going to edit it for me tonight and then I will try to have it posted next week sometime
Anonymous said: what university are you going to?
Radford :D it is in Virginia
Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know you're a king
thank you lmao I wish it were true, stan loona or be beheaded
Anonymous said: r u a guy or girl or non binary etc. also are you lgbtq+ at all? not to judge, just wondering :)
uuh, I’m a gay guy lmao idk about all the other terms like cis/bianary ;-; i like the anatomy exclusive to the male body
edit: rip so someone messaged me asking what I meant by “anatomy exclusive to the male body” and I was like ?? bc I meant i like d**k, and i explained that i didn't like using cuss words on my blog bc my account got shut down/deleted/reported last year and was completely gone for two days while I emailed my butt off to get it back. Also, I was trying to be funny by sounding proper and using big terms like anatomy/exclusive instead of just saying “i like penis” bc that just isnt as fun to say imo. My anatomy teacher never used words like v*gina/p*nis and would say stuff like that, and I always found it funny and I guess that was another reason I worded it that way. Anyways if you think I was being transphobic, I apologize. I hope you don’t think that I am transphobic bc of that? If you want to message me and talk to me about how I can word stuff better then I am around 24/7 mostly, but I’m not going to fight with anyone who is just looking to argue because that is childish. I am sorry to those that got offended but I got one message about this so if something like this happens, message me like this person and ask what I meant so that it isn’t blown out of proportion. Again, I did not think that it would be taken that way and I am sorry if you felt that I was making fun of a trans person. <3
Anonymous said: What do you see in the corner of your room when you get sleep paralysis (;
James Charles with breasts on the beach and im not sharing this photo anymore it is demonic OK
Anonymous said: hi! i installed your non-default eye recolors but i'm having a glitch with them. my female sims lose their face in cas and it's just like an empty spot where the face should be. i have the default eyes installed too so i know it's not an issue with a missing mesh but i'm not sure how to fix it.
Hello!! I don’t think this is my eyes because I’m not experiencing this glitch? Did you run a S4S batch fix over everything? I think that causes this glitch sometimes but I am unsure. Try repairing your game and if you have the “no EA eyelash” mod then redownload that and replace the old file.
@sephirajo said: I found your sims 4 mods and I love the hairs! They're so amazing and pretty.
thank you so much!
Anonymous said: In your collab with wildpixel, I F**KING love the Ivy hair; do you have any recolours of it or any of the other hairs in the collab?
all the hairs in that pack are recolored in the anathema and sacharinne palette :) and I reblog all recolors of my cc over on @aharris00britneyrecolors
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Final 31 [2018 Edition] Day 31: 2018 Resolutions Wrap Up
Here we are! We are on the final day and it’s now time to see how well I did over the year! My 2018 Resolutions are here, so without further ado...
1. 20 Doramas/SPs - (PASS) I succeeded this one!! I was very happy to finally get back into the world of doramas and such. While the beginning of the year was strong, I started watching doramas just because my friend wanted me to watch along with her and unfortunately, all her choices were absolute rubbish. So hopefully next year I can watch just as many, but watch much better ones.
2. 20 Movies - (PASS) I marathoned whole series of movies this year which felt so great! I managed to watch about catch up with Jinro Game, and watch almost all the Yamikin Dogs movies too! I also got to watch some long overdue stuff like Tomodachi Game and Survival Family which were so good! I am happy with the movies I saw this year. Next year looks even more promising though!
3. 12 Books - (PASS) I don’t think I could’ve done this if I hadn’t gotten behind and then marathoned about 2 years worth of Shingeki no Kyojin manga. That alone was about 6 or 7 volumes of content xD I had either really good or really shit books this year. Of course my main man Sanderson never failed me once! And this year I started to read all his work from the beginning which has been fun! Also finally read some LONG overdue books: Frankenstein, Dracula, Leviathan Wakes, Ready Player One, Alice in Wonderland, A Torch Against the Night. SO MANY GOOD BOOKS! I already have lists of the top 5 and top 36 books that are my utmost priority for this next coming year. 36 isn’t entirely impossible but it’s definitely a challenge for me, but I am excited!
4. Keep Up with Reviews - (FAIL) I’m going to be honest, reviews take a LOT of time, and I can’t exactly concentrate all that well when I’m at home. One review takes at least 4 hours, and when I have events every week, it really cuts down how much time I have to get these things out. I still have reports/review from JUNE that I still haven’t even started! I am seriously cutting down on outside events next year so hopefully I can catch up and keep up. I do love writing reviews but I just wish I had a better environment and more time to get through them all. Also me marathoning whole Korean Variety shows the last 6 months of this year have NOT helped. One episode is always about 90 minutes and I watch like 2 to 3 episodes every day so.... yeah that really sucked up a lot of the time I could’ve spent writing. I’ll sort it out, I promise!
5. Oshi Stages/Events Only - (PASS) I feel like I ONLY went to Oshi stuff this entire year... I’m trying to think of one play that didn’t have an oshi in it... even Tenimyu technically counts cos FUCKING HIGA, AM I RIGHT?! ... and I really thought it’d be saving me money; turns out NO! Because instead of going to seven DIFFERENT plays, I’ve just been going to the same oshi play 2, 3, 4 times instead! That is not productive Alex!
So while I got very picky and more focused on my plays, I didn’t exactly save much money. BUT this year (especially towards the end of the year) I definitely didn’t feel like I had no money - unlike this time last year where I was in serious poverty and was scraping the barrel of all my bank accounts just to get by (yes I am shameless, and yes I really should admit the severity of my money spending), which means my money handling definitely got better which is good, but it’s still not at the level I want it at - we’re a LONG way off that. Luckily, I found more plays and production companies that I didn’t like this year (I’m looking right at you MARV!), and a lot of my favourite series either finished or no longer feature my oshis (TouStage, HakuMyu, K Stage, EnStage (for now) etc.) which means I should have more money staying in my bank account next year as well as more fucking time to sort out my mental health (it’s been very very bad the last 3 - 4 months, and money worries definitely don’t help)! PHEW!
6. Keep Complaints to Self and Be Positive on the Outside - (FAIL) I feel this hasn’t improved at all, especially at work. I know I shouldn’t be this vocal and this negative but my stupid brain works too fast for my common sense to kick in, and I end up complaining before my brain can say ‘hang on a minute bitch’ and then I feel like the worst fucking person afterwards. And, as mentioned above, my mental health has really been struggling since November so that’s not helped my negativity at all (one day I’ll probably open up about how bad it’s been but not right now, because I’m still dealing with it). But at least I am always trying to better myself on this one.
7. Travel Twice - (PASS) I definitely did this! I went to Sendai TWICE, I went to Nagoya, Osaka, Hakone, I finally went to Odawara (and Odawara Castle), I went to new places in Tokyo: Kichijoji, Nakameguro, Yomiura Land, Asakusa, Ikebukuro Aquarium. While it was all internal in Japan, I still managed some new places which makes me happy! But hopefully next year I have at least one external travel!
8. Save Money! - (MORE FAIL THAN PASS) I did manage to save some money: I started saving ALL my coins that weren’t 100 yen and that managed to total about 30,000yen by the end of the year which is great! But I am still very much financially unstable. And yes it is completely and entirely my fault. But at least I’m no where near as unstable and poor as this time last year! I’m not spending whole nights lying awake hungry and worrying about the fact I can’t afford food for the next 2 - 3 days unlike last year which is amazing progress (not really but...).
While I did find out that saving coins is a great way for me to save up money, I am still not saving decent amounts every month. Hopefully next year is that year! This year I’ve managed to sort out some priorities and find out ways of cutting down on my spending, and I feel like next year I’ll be able to really hold my control on it, moreso than the last 2 years.
9. JLPT - (FAIL) HA let’s not talk about this one. I had every intention of doing the JLPT in December and I did seriously studying in July, August and beginning-September, but then SuJu came along and decided to do concerts the weekend of the exam so my brain went ‘fuck it! Not like you’re ever gunna pass anyway’, so I never applied and I stopped studying all together xD I haven’t picked up a book since September.
I really have zero motivation to study Japanese anymore.
And I’m going to be honest, the main reason I’ve lost all my motivation to study is because I have no fucking place TO study. I can’t study at work because people keep coming to my desk and my anxiety finds that extremely humiliating, embarrassing, and distracting to be discovered studying; I don’t have a spare desk in my room so I don’t want to study there; I don’t want to study in the living room because my roommates could come in at any moment which is again embarrassing, distracting and worrying; I can’t study at a restaurant or cafe because the air-con is fucking freezing and it’s just a different way of wasting and spending more money than necessary. I have NO place to study, so how can you (I’m speaking to the universe) expect me to take a fucking JLPT exam when I can’t even find a fucking place to study?!
You see the pickle I’m in?
10. No Clearfiles, No Non-Fav Fandom TShirts or Bags - (PASS) I did it! And to be honest, I completely forgot I wasn’t buying these things anymore, I just naturally DIDN’T! Which is great! I am definitely stretching this buying ban far next year (you’ll see in tomorrow’s post), but I am excited and happy at how easy this has been!
11. Keep up with Dancing and Stretches - (PASS) I have whole weeks where I exercise ridiculously every day/night, and then some weeks where I’m doing the bare minimum, but at least I’m always conscious of how much I’m exercising and I’m always trying to keep myself in check when it comes to exercise. So I’d say this one is a success. I’m still enjoying stretching, I’m still enjoying my dancing, I enjoy walking so much. This is going well!
12. Spend Spare Time Studying - (FAIL) We already went through this; I stopped studying; K-Variety has taken over my life. No time or motivation to do such things!
TOTAL: 7/12 PASSED! - A little over 50% which is not that great but I personally feel like I made progress even in some of the failed sections which is great! I hope I can be more successful next year! But I think we can all agree that my mental health is definitely the biggest thing ruining my motivation and goals right now. So let’s get that sorted first!
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What were your goals this year? Did you succeed? How did you do? Let me know below!
My 2019 Resolutions are all set and ready to be posted tomorrow morning! Thank you for sticking around the entire 31 days even though my fandoms stretch far and wide, I hope at least some of the posts you could relate to.
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more FAQ
Cycle 10, Day 13
So, I spent this morning hanging out writer-y people and I was asked such a good question, I thought I’d use it as another FAQ. As always, I can only answer for myself on these things, ask a physician or real grown-up if you have any doubts. And to all my friends and family who think I’d use a blog to update my health status if things go bad - that’s what Instagram is for, people.
Q: What will my cancer treatment be like?
A; Exceptionally and amazingly unpleasant, I should imagine. Even though I don’t really like the whole “warfare/warrior” metaphor, there is one useful thing about it. I’ve heard from enough combat veterans - in various ways and media that, no matter how well it’s described, surviving modern warfare is indescribable to anyone who doesn’t have prior experience. Same goes here - until you survive a terminal illness, or get that fatal phone call, you really don’t know what it’ll be like, no matter how good I am at describing it. All I can tell you with any certainty is that you will have to develop a completely unassailable faith that you will outlast this thing. From that, you can get start developing the sort of pig-headed stubbornness you’re going to need to win this thing and carve out some sort of normal life. Having said that, I’d also say that you might have to modify your life and life goals, like Data in the game Strategema, in the immortal Trek episode “Peak Performance,” when he (Data) successfully challenges the annoying bureaucrat/ambassador caricature to a rematch: “ I was playing for a standoff, a draw. While Kolrami was dedicated to winning, I was able to pass up obvious avenues of advancement, then settle for a balance. Theoretically, I should be able to challenge him indefinitely. ” It sucks that you might have to put your life on hold in a potentially-never-ending stand-off with a disease, And I’m not going to argue that life is worth living - that’s your decision, and there are potential long-term constraints to my survival that I wouldn’t consider acceptable, but you might. Also, keep in mind, that same episode has the line, “ It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life. “ These are dangerous diseases - deadly if mistreated or mishandled, and frequently deadly even with the bestest care. You’re going to have to see those sort of statistics like “90% fatality rate” and say, “Fuck that, I’ll take those odds, someone hold my seat while I get a drink.” Of course, it’s easy to say that now.
However, more to the point of the question, I’ve had a multicourse treatment starting with neurosurgery, then radiation and chemo, and maintenance chemo. After each step, you’re likely to get a week or two off to recover before your doctors review the results, and clear you for the next step. Treasure those weeks off, they might be your only progression-free moments where it looks like you’re on the upswing. And remember, the phrase, “I would recommend more treatment” is a good thing. Cancer patients only get sent three places: home, the hospital, or the hospice. More treatment and hospitals are bad, expensive, and dangerous, but they beat the hell out of 33% of the options.In my case - in the case of most chronic cancer patients - I’m not wild about five years of chemo, but it does beat the alternatives. When our post-Mastodon species talks about “killer instinct,” it’s usually in some unhelpful motivational seminar. No one talks about it for what it really is - coldly, and grimly doing whatever is necessary to outlast your enemy, which, in this case, is a rogue bit of you. Nietzsche talked about “will to power,” and it’s been used in conjunction with some horrific rhetoric and movements, but I’d advise you to embrace it if it’s the only way to get home again.
However, my treatment has been:
1. Neurosurgery
2. 4 weeks off
3. Initial chemoradiation for 6 weeks (that’s brutal)
4, a few weeks off
5. maintenance chemo consisting of 5 days of Temodar and three marizomib infusions
6, ?
Q: Do you ready things about your disease differently than you do other biomedical studies and/or literature?
A. Oh, fuck, yes. I once read that the tell-tale sign of privilege is ignorance (about their privilege and those in a harder circumstances)(which, as someone who’s had a few of those permanently revoked - there was a time when the words “third floor” didn’t have me looking for an elevator)(still, a limp and/or ankle braces definitely beats that horrifying walker). In the same way, an ability to classify knowledge as “academic” is a sign of intellectual privilege (or complacence, which is the next step of privilege). I am absurdly invested in anything I read about GBM. Or cancer. Like, I understand - and kind of agree with - the old rule about not allowing physicians to treat their family members. You’re not going to exhibit the same degree of clarity and judgment. Same thing for me - I’m nigh-immortal on my good days (or with a morale boost), and, potentially dead on the bad ones. It’s exhausing, but, at the same time, i don’t know why we exhibit such disinterest in other areas (Ladies, I’m still single). You are either 1000% focused and committed, or not a all. You know what doctors call cancer patients who successfully complete half of their required treatment before giving up? “Dead.” There’s a good chance you’ll die, anyway, not committing to a treatment course once you’ve started is just a very expensive form of lengthy suicide. Additionally, even though I still use clinicaltrials.org and PubMed as my primary-source services on such things, I’m not as interested as I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I am still absolutely interested in any new developments in my disease or treatment plan - I literally spent a few hours every week on those sites, but, in August, after John McCain died - from the same disease - and GBM treatment studies went from a few dozen on the FDA page to hundreds - I really started to believe - still do - that If I can just live long enough, healthily enough, science will catch up with me.
Additionally, there aren’t many cases of brain cancer of any sort, so you have to take a less methodical, statistical approach, and start looking at the outliers. I call this the Jack Lallane vs biochemistry approach. Stick with me. So, many years ago, a biochem professor in grad school pointed out that, according to the studies, there was no benefit to the sort of excessive protein consumption promoted by body builders, athletes, and other healthy-looking people. I probably should have realized this was coming from a 5′ middle-aged British man who looked the part, and taken it with a grain of salt. At a friend’s encouragement, I did start taking the supplements and what-not, and, as it turns out, further investigation and research showed that protein doesn’t promote muscle growth, unless it’s consumed within an hour of the workout. This is one of those cases where having incomplete information - as my professor did, as eventual research showed - is actually worse than ignorance. To that end, even though I try to keep current on research and development on GBM, I’m less interested in conventional wisdom and studies, and more on what the statistical outliers suggest. This is not to suggest for a minute that you will be better-informed than researchers - again, when the Warlocks or Mad Scientist say “No,” I usually take them at their word. But GBM research is a very weird and strange area of cancer research (again, it was nigh-impossible to find physicians who would agree to treat the disease as aggressively as they could; so we’re talking about a cancer that’s only been formally studied by epidiomology and science for 20-odd years), so I’ve gone with trying to track down data on those few outliers who outlived the 14-24 month life expectancy (also, good news, a recent study showed that almost 30% of us live for at least two years post-diagnosis), and figuring out how they did it. So far - and this is useful - the major commonalities are that they did successfully get a medical team to take them seriously, treat them aggressively, and they survived the treatment, which is still almost as-likely to kill you as the disease. They all also stressed the importance of “complementary medicine” in addition to the real stuff.
So, again, full disclosure, I am not a fan of “alternative medicine,” which is when you get the unproven or unstudied stuff instead of traditional Western Medicine, but I am a massive fan of “complementary medicine” which is when you use the freaky stuff in addition to the established, standard stuff (and a crazy hallucinogenic, experimental chemo trial would qualify, I think). “Eating healthy” and “staying psychotically active” are also included in that category. We can talk about fad diets and nutrition, but, again, just going old-school Jack Lallane, I try to get 7-10 servings of raw fruits and vegetables (I really don’t think the “raw” part is very important, but it would take time and energy to cook them, and I’d rather that go into writing or research)(which reminds me, I have to look into photo enhancement/editing techniques this week). “Coffee” is also not on anyone’s nutritionally-recommended list, which makes me ponder how those researchers survived their patients. And such things aren’t studied by most researchers; I don’t think that’s because there’s any insidious pharmacy conspiracy, I just think it’s hard to find qualified patients (again, the rules governing these things are usually established by human rights laws and treaties, add the various dos and don’ts of a clinical trial selection into you reach anothe order of magnitude for cost and lack of returns), and, in many cases, there’s no need to reinvent the wheel. With one notable exception. In addition to being a massive fan of fitness and nutrition as a way to keep healthy and vital enough to convince your physicians to douse you in Agent Orange, I’ve also become a major proponent of medical marijuana. Again, not because it’ll cure cancer, but because it’s better at treating some of the nastier side-effects than established pharmaceuticals (and it’s telling that the shift comes just as a lot of lawmakers and pharmaceutical giants start divesting themselves of standard stuff and invest in medical marijuana development and research). And what I didn’t know at the beginning, that I wished I did now, is that the side-effects and problem stack up in standard chemoradiation. It was harder to drag myself to the infusion center on Cycle 9 than Cycle 5. But I was there.
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Black Panther Review!
SO For the first time since my surgery I put my contacts in and did my hair and my makeup and wore Real Clothes instead of yoga pants to get out and FINALLY see Black Panther and it was totally worth how many times I had to re do my eyeliner (four, because I suck at make up and have worn it a grand total of ten times in my life) AND it was totally worth the freezing cold theater and even though I had a massive migraine, I refused to let it bug me.
So here we go. A list of everything I loved about the characters, favorite lines, maybe a little of my thoughts on the scenes.
Heads up for spoilers below the cut!
First of all, just a heads up, every person in the movie was beautiful. Every single one of them. My poor worthless pansexual heart was DYING over it all.
(Oh also, very quickly-- there was a new Coke ad before the movie where they very clearly mentioned Non Binary people (them) and LGBT (lesbians) in their montage of people who Coke was for and it was honestly lovely.)
The movie takes place a WEEK after T’Chaka dies in Vienne in CACW, so literally just a day or two after Tony is left in Siberia to die and it just brought up all these Post-CACW feels for me and also like... Tchalla you poor thing, this has been a hell of a week for you, omg.
Chadwick Boseman/T Challa opened his mouth to speak and I almost melted through the floor. His accent is gorgeous and the words are so smooth its almost a little difficult to understand but so so beautiful.
The way T’Challa looks at Nakia with these amazing puppy dog eyes. He loves her so much, looks at her as if she is his whole world and even though he asks her to stay with him, he respects her enough to not push the issue when she says there is other things she needs/wants to do.
The Queen Mother! Angela Basset in all her glory! I love her and her endless beauty, may she reign forever.
SHURI! You guys SHURI was the cutest fucking thing Ive ever seen in my life! Everything about her was equal parts bratty little sister making sure her newly crowned brother doesnt get cocky, and loyal Wakandan determined to use every bit of her genius to save her country and I love her?!
Also MORE GROSS to you guys who want to ship her with anyone. She is just so obviously a child in this. Yes, a teenager, but still a child, right down to the pranks she pulls and the way she dresses (minus her ceremonial clothing which was pretty enough to make me need some of my own) she is just a baby, stop trying to over sexualize her and ship her with older men. (or anyone for that matter. Let her be sixteen and giggly and adorable for as long as she can be).
OKOYE. Where do I even start with this woman? First of all, she was bald (as were the rest of the dora milaje) and this is sort of a big thing for black women. Because there is a whole toxic idea of black women not being able to grow hair, or being bald as if its a bad thing, and I LOVE so much the scene in Korea where they are in disguise and she has to wear a wig and says “This is a DISGRACE” because for her to have to cover her head, her tattoos that show her culture and her status is an insult to her very person, and I love that she is angry about it. That to fit in to a white mans world, to be acceptable, she must change/cover up something fundamental to her identity, and she is ANGRY about it and I love it.
I also love that she was allowed to be angry. Black people in general are already seen as “angry”, as the aggressors, and women are taught to hide it away as if its shameful to feel anything in the extreme, but ESPECIALLY anger because then we are just “another bitter black woman” and it is so important that she and the others are allowed to be ANGRY, visibly and audibly angry at what happens (for example, when one of their own dies.). Its raw and honest, and in its honesty, it is beautiful.
I need me a red dress like hers just so I can feel like 1/10th of a BAMF as she is.
“If he touches you again, i will impale him on that table”
“Does she speak English”
“When she wants to”
I loved everything about that interaction between Okoye and Ross. Very reminiscent of the moment between Okoya and Natasha “Move, or I will move you” and in both scene T Challa is sort of laughing over it because he knows Okoye is about two seconds from fucking someone up. Hilarious.
Klaw! What an odd Villain, because I felt like he wasnt really a villain. He was just sort of... the guy that was always around the bad guys, and then ultimately nothing more than a tool to be used for Killmongers vengeance. His sonic hand was a nice nod to the comic character who is just solid sound and emits it through his hand. And he was just amazingly obnoxiously AMERICAN and I both loved and hated him for that.
Nakia. How I love her. Not only is she entirely her own person, doing what she feels is right, but she is fucking FIERCE and gorgeous and smart and is not about to give up what she wants/needs because T Challa is in love with her. In fact, I love very much that the T Challa/Nakia love story wasnt even... a story. It wasnt even a driving force of the movie. She didnt have to get hurt to inspire him to greatness. She didnt have to break his heart to give him something to fix, really she didnt even go searching for a way to save him when he went over the falls, she went looking for the person that could save their country. Their love story was something quiet, something in the background, because a love story is NOT necessary to keep a movie going (do you hear that, oh pushers of the awkward heterosexual relationship to fill the down moments? not necessary).
HOWEVER, she absolutely was his rock, who he turned to in his moments of need. He crossed country borders and potentially could have ruined her mission (which was reckless and fairly selfish) because he needed her there when he was crowned King, and she wanted to be there for him. She was the only person he told about his uncle’s death and the truth about Erik, and she was the one to help his mother and sister escape because they are just as much her family as his.
But back to Nakia-- I think one of my favorite scenes is when they go to Korea and she speaks the language so well, laughs over the trouble she gets into, and very much makes it clear to T Challa AGAIN that she has her own life that has nothing to do with him. Holla for Strong Females.
How much did I love the Queen Mothers hair being blonde/white underneath her beautiful head-dress. Lovely lovely lovely.
M’Baku. I have mixed feelings about his character. I very much appreciated Marvel NOT using his “man-ape” persona from the comics because hello, that is Racist As Fuck. Instead they made him lord over a people who used the gorilla as a symbol just as other tribes used the rhino/the panther etc. He was all sorts of big and beautiful and the challenge scene at the waterfall was just, brutal and incredible and PRIMAL and honestly there isnt much better than seeing two men (or women) really battle it out with just their strength. Of course the landscape and backdrop was incredible, but the fight scene was just INCREDIBLE. The way MBaku waited until the last minute to yield, the way T Challa BEGGED him to yield. I love it all.
I thought it was very interesting when Nakia came to him with the heart shaped herb, he didnt accept it. As someone who had challenged T Challa for the throne, I expected him to at least consider it, but it was obvious in his face that he was both honored, and then humbled, and yet still turned it down because he knows T Challa needed it more.
And yet when T Challa asked him for an army, for help, MBaku turned him down, said that this was the first king in CENTURIES to visit him. CENTURIES. These people had been living in the mountains, cut off from the rest of Wakanda and the other kings hadnt even visited them. No wonder the man is bitter. BUT NOT BITTER ENOUGH TO TURN THE QUEEN MOTHER AWAY. He still promised that she would be safe, no ham would come to her. I love that so much.
He did not just forgive centuries of being ignored because they need help, but he wasnt willing to completely turn his back either. I thought it was a realistic depiction that kept him very human, versus the usual “no i wont help at all because our ancestors battled” or even the “i have had a sudden change of heart and now will completely help you even if it means giving up my life for you, who I suddenly support.”
Also, the way he snorted and giggled over his vegetarian joke??? HE SNORTED AND GIGGLED and no one else laughed. Just his big ass on his throne cracking up and everyone else was like uhhhh....
Martin Freeman as Everett Ross. I love that they let his character be a smaller than average, soft spoken, older white man. No one overly intimidating, no one that seems to inspire fear and yet, when they are attacked by Killmonger when he rescues Klaw, Ross THROWS himself on Nakia (who could probably protect herself) and takes a bullet in the spine for her. That bravery, that instinctual “cover the women and children” and how quickly he reacts speaks to more of his character than anything else.
Also, the end where he “flies” the ship to stop the weapons from being shipped out and Shuri tells him “you are a great pilot AND HE IS A FUCKING GREAT PILOT he wants so badly to save them, and I love that he just doesnt give up. Like, he realizes that how they healed him was damn near impossible, so he will do the impossible to stop the worst from happening. I love it. (Also I just love Martin Freeman)
“Dont scare me like that, colonizer.”
“My Names Ross.”
“I know.”
^^^^I laughed so hard my friend frowned at me and I shoved her and said, “quit scowling colonizer” and then laughed harder. She did not think it was funny.
ERIK KILLMONGER. First of all, the scene where we meet him. Come on. He looks like such a goddamn fuck boy I almost wanted to smack him. Or maybe fuck him. I cant decide lol. I am in love with him though.
Growing up where I did, I saw so much anger in the black youth, especially the young men, and for that reason it was so hard to see him as a villain. He is just another abandoned black boy in a forgotten neighborhood, who is angry at the system. And yet he is also brilliant and talented and DRIVEN and he pulled himself up out of the situation he was thrown in and now is determined to change everyone elses situation. He talks of how where he is from, the black people who start the revolutions dont have the weapons they need to protect themselves/to ready themselves and its just... its so true in this very painful way, especially now, recently, and I just hurt for him.
The way he scarred himself, one for every kill so he could work his way up to challenging for the throne. It is horrifying to think of him marking himself after every kill, all around the world because every body was a step closer to his goal.
I could talk forever about his character, because I think it was a very accurate, interesting look into the truth underneath the “angry black man” that society paints these young men as.
I wont talk forever though, because holy shit Im actually talking forever lol, but I WILL say, that the differences between Erik and T Challa, from the speech patterns to the way they walked (cocky versus confident) to the way they dressed and talked/treated the women (I would throw a pan at Killmonger if he talked to me like he talked to them lol). it was just an incredible contrast between one who was given EVERYTHING and someone who had to take everything they wanted just to have a SHOT at anything in the world. The difference between rich and poor and the lines that it draws and the different worlds it creates whether we realize it or not.
The only person I dont want to spend alot of time on is W’Kabi. I have mixed feelings to his joining with Killmonger, but I realize he was driven by vengeance and that can be a poisonous thing.
HOWEVER, I thought he had one of the most beautiful scenes in the move. Him and Okoye are in love, and yet when it comes to them ready to fight each other, he asks her, “would you fight me, my love” and she says,. “for wakanda i would” (paraphrasing) and HE is the one to put his weapon down. He is the one to sacrifice his vengeance for love. Not the woman. She did not change. She stood strong in what she believed to be right, and he loved her enough to give up what he wanted.
I love so much that this movie allowed her and other women to be the strong ones, driving the men to make the right choice.
I will stop rambling now lol
End Thoughts--- This movie is so important right now, such a wonderful thing for our young people to see-- Strong black characters, who go that way without a history of drugs or jail or anything like that. Strong black women who are beautiful (stunningly so) even without wigs/straightened hair/lighter skin, and Strong black men who are not any less strong for loving the women in their lives and being humbled enough by past mistakes to try and change.
My favorite line is easily the very last one, where the young black boy asks T Challa-- who are you?
Every white child has had the chance to ask their hero-- batman, superman, spiderman, wonder woman etc etc etc-- who they are. Who is this hero that has saved my life and given me hope and is going to change this seemingly hopeless situation?
But seeing a little black boy asking the same question-- maybe I read too much into it, but it really struck a cord with me.
OH and the last scene.
I will be the first to admit, I was like... foaming at the mouth to see Bucky in Infinity War, with his new arm and a new gun and like YASSSSSS BABY FUCK THEM BOYS UP LET ME SEE YOU KILL SOMEONE.
But like?? Stepping from a hut looking like Jesus?? Long hair?? Like god Marvel, please just let my baby stay by the lake and meditate with his half pony tail and man bun. PLEASE just let him play with the children who call him White Wolf. PLEASE just let him light scented candles and have the women braid his hair and when Steve comes looking for him, just let him say no I have found inner peace here in my little hut by the water???
I JUST WANT HIM TO BE PEACEFUL?!
Alright, thats it. Sorry for the long ass ramble, this literally isnt half of what I wanted to say. Feel free to hit up my ask box about anything black panther related lol
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Becoming The Mask
Chapter 1: Discovery
I gave in and started a Trollhunters fic, in large part because nobody else I could find was writing a “Jim is a Changeling and knows about it instead of getting caught off-guard in the fic’s premise” story, (other than, arguably, the “Jim is a Changeling-human hybrid with amnesia that blocks out his early human life” series, which I do recommend but which is very different from what this is).
Changeling Jim enjoyed his cover. Human food was far better than troll food. Dr Barbara Lake was an affectionate mother, but absent often enough that his duties to the Janus Order went unnoticed. The neighbour Toby was acceptable company and kept Jim from looking suspicious for having no friends his apparent age. Once in high school, he could slip reports directly to Stricklander along with mundane homework.
And then, of course, Merlin’s Amulet just had to choose Jim as the next Trollhunter.
Also on AO3 and FFnet.
Human food was, in Jim’s opinion, exponentially better than troll food.
That didn’t stop him from eating empty cans or burnt-out lightbulbs, but it did inspire him to experiment. Today he was making French toast for his mother’s breakfast and meatloaf sandwiches for her, his, and his friend Toby’s lunches. He had some regular toast while checking the recipe, and ate the eggshells while mixing the eggs with milk and just a touch of cinnamon.
Barbara was sound asleep, glasses still on and pushed to an awkward angle by the pillow. At least she’d kicked off her shoes. He put her breakfast on the dresser and slid her glasses off, polished the lenses, and placed them by her meal. Jim tucked his mother’s blanket around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.
“I love you, Mom,” he whispered.
No, it wasn’t sentimental or weird. It was good cover. If Jim kept up the act even when there were no witnesses, he was less likely to slip up when there were witnesses.
He checked on his Familiar, Jay-Jay, while brushing his teeth. The original James Junior, unaging in his cradle, sucked his thumb and slept peacefully.
Jim had been Jim for over fifteen years and his Familiar had only been Jim for three months, and the Lake parents hadn’t even stuck with just one nickname until after Jim was planted. ‘Jay-Jay’ and ‘Jim’ and ‘Jamie’ and ‘Junior’ were all used interchangeably in the first year before gradually settling on ‘Jim’. The human might have had it first, but Jim was the Changeling’s name now.
He hadn’t had a name before this assignment.
Jim took care of the various household needs, packed up his backpack, and left for school. The trash bin was overturned. Raccoons or goblins? He huffed in annoyance.
Toby was there, worrying about being late for school. Jim tried distracting him with food. If all went as planned, Killahead Bridge should be rebuilt within a few years, maybe even this year. Jim wanted the humans he knew to enjoy life while they had the chance.
“I can’t eat this. I’m on a diet.”
“It’s healthy. Protein, fiber, vegetables, and it’s actually got flavour.” Jim waggled the bag temptingly.
“I shouldn’t …”
“Come on, you’ve been on a diet for fourteen years. You’re fifteen!”
“Long-term goals.” Toby tucked the lunch into his backpack and got back onto his bike. “My body’s still changing.”
They rode for the first few blocks in panting silence.
Jim liked Toby. He wished he could think of some excuse why they ought to keep Toby alive when Gunmar returned to devour humanity. The boy had an interest and extensive knowledge of geology for one of his species, but nothing compared to a troll. None of Toby’s other interests or skills would be relevant in Gunmar’s world.
The closest thing to a solution Jim had come up with so far was that, if Gunmar wanted to keep eating humans long-term, then they would need to be farmed. Toby’s propensity to put on weight might make him desirable breeding stock.
But humans tended to view the ‘breeding stock’ concept as horrific and degrading and traumatizing when applied to sentients, and besides, with artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization being a thing now, that might only keep Toby alive for a few years while his sperm was harvested and preserved.
At least Jim had a reason Barbara Lake should be spared. She was a doctor. Barbara would be more useful alive, keeping the livestock humans healthy, than killed as food herself.
Stricklander said Jim had developed a sentimental attachment to his Familiar’s family. It was common for Changelings fresh out of the Darklands. Jim’s retort was that he would have no qualms at all about James Lake Senior being eaten.
“It’s eight o’clock!” cried Toby. “Late, late, late, we are so late!”
“Let’s take the canals.” Jim veered off the road into a wooded area. “It’ll save us five minutes.”
“Not the canals!”
“Live a little!”
“It’s living that I’m worried about!”
There was a pile of gravel under the bridge. Jim wouldn’t have paid attention to it if it hadn’t called his name.
“Jim … Lake …”
He slowed and circled back around.
“What up, Jimbo?” asked Toby. “Wasn’t the shortcut to save time, not waste it?”
“You go on ahead, Tobes, I’ll catch up.”
“Jim … Lake …”
“Wait, what was that?” Toby looked around the sun-drenched, empty canal and called out in challenge, “Who’s there? Who said that?”
Jim spotted a blue flash in the rubble.
Was that …? No, it couldn’t be … He got off his bike and dug it out.
“Whatcha got there?” Toby leaned over his shoulder.
“Pocket watch, maybe,” Jim invented. “Or, some kind of high-tech walkie-talkie.”
There was a loud ring.
“Final bell!” Toby gasped. “We’re so late our kids are gonna have detention!” He climbed back onto his bike and raced away. Jim followed, the Amulet of Daylight tucked in the pocket of his sweatshirt.
Thank everything holy and unholy that he had History first period.
“Jim, you seemed distracted in class today.”
“Yes! I – actually, I was hoping I could talk to you about that, at lunch, or, after school. About some,” he lit his eyes for a moment, “extra-credit work.”
Mr Strickler’s eyes shone gold and red in return. “Of course, Jim. You know my office door is always open to my students.”
Jim went to Mr Strickler’s office at lunch. He plucked the amulet from his pocket and placed it on his teacher’s desk without preamble.
“I found this on my way to school this morning.”
Stricklander went pale, then stern. “Did anyone else see you take it?”
“Tobias Domzalski, but he doesn’t know what it is. We were cutting through the canals. There were no other humans around. I didn’t see any living trolls, but if they found a dark enough shadow then I couldn’t have spotted them in this form. It was pretty sunny.”
“Mm,” said Stricklander noncommittally. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Jim. I’ll take care of it.”
A more ambitious Changeling would have argued, wanting credit for their part in any undertaking. Jim took the chance to exit, wanting nothing to do with anything that had to do with the dreaded Trollhunter.
At least, that was the plan.
With a puff of light, the amulet vanished off of Stricklander’s desk and reappeared in Jim’s hand as he reached for the door. He dropped it, startled. Both Changelings stared at the unassuming little silver trinket on the floor.
Stricklander spoke slowly and precisely.
“Is there anything else you ought to tell me about your discovery of this amulet?”
“It said my name,” he admitted. “When I was biking past – that was why I stopped and went to look and picked it up.”
Stricklander sat down and pointed to the piano stool. Jim gave the office door a dirty look for not having a lock, and left the amulet on the floor. It teleported onto his lap when he sat down.
“This suggests you have been chosen as the next Trollhunter.”
“That’s impossible.”
“So I too would have thought. And yet, here we are.”
“You really think the amulet can just pick the next Trollhunter on its own? I mean, I get that it’s magic, but still. It’s an inanimate object.” He looked at it thoughtfully. “Semi-animate at most. Some of this looks like clockwork.”
“What tomes I’ve acquired of troll lore claim that the amulet chooses the Trollhunter. There should be an incantation inscribed. Try to summon the armour and we’ll know for certain.”
“Or, if it’s really sentient like you said, it’ll kill me for being a presumptuous Impure.”
“Don’t call yourself that.”
“What, presumptuous?” Jim asked cheekily.
Jim turned the pocket watch-like device in a slow circle. The runes around the edge were trollish, of course, which he could read but not well. Literacy had not been prized as a skillset or hobby in the Darklands. There wasn’t much available to read unless one wanted to risk Dictatious’ wrath for touching his precious collection. On the second revolution, the words on the amulet helpfully translated themselves into English.
He made a face at what he would have to say. May the Pale Lady forgive him.
“For the glory of Merlin … Daylight is mine to command.”
He really should have stayed standing.
Jim floated into the air, his stool knocked back, blue light surrounding him and pushing its way into his body. Frightened, he switched forms – he wasn’t much bigger trollish than he was humanoid, but he had tougher skin that way. He crashed to the ground in oversized armor. It shrank to fit him.
“Jim! Are you alright?” Stricklander demanded.
“… Wow.” Jim examined the gauntlets; felt the breastplate; turned to examine how the armor accommodated his short tail; checked the helmet that still left his horns exposed. “I mean, I always figured Bular would kill me someday, but I thought it would be in a fit of misdirected rage, not for an actual reason.”
He tried switching back to his human form. Again, the armour adjusted itself. There were metal horns on the helmet now. They felt longer than his; maybe they were the shape his horns would be once they grew out.
“This could actually prove useful.” Stricklander twirled his pen. “If the trolls accept you as the new Trollhunter, that means we have a spy in Trollmarket and need no longer fear the Trollhunter will interfere with our plans.” He put the pen down decisively. “You leave Bular to me. I’ll find a way to make that brute cede to logic.”
“If he doesn’t just come snap me in half tonight for the bragging rights of killing two Trollhunters in twenty-four hours.”
Stricklander stood and put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Leave Bular to me.”
Changelings were taught to spy and lie and manipulate. Stricklander was an especially good actor when he played the role of a caring mentor. Jim knew Stricklander was a Changeling, just like him, and yet part of him still insisted that the reason Stricklander played the role so well was because it wasn’t just an act.
The armour dissipated. Jim caught the amulet as it fell from his heart.
Stricklander let go of him and spoke briskly.
“Our best option, I think, is to assume that you were seen finding the amulet and allow the trolls to believe it chose a human. The unprecedented nature of this should cover for any inconsistencies in the magic’s behaviour and your own ignorance of troll culture.”
Jim scowled at being called ignorant, glared for it being true, and felt an unpleasant twist in his stomach for how badly he wanted to change that.
Troll culture had been his culture, once upon a time, before he’d been taken and altered and become what he was.
He didn’t remember anything from before. He was too young when it happened. Every Changeling was. He certainly didn’t have enough memory scraps to truly say he missed it. But part of him still wanted it back.
Which was foolish and treasonous and beside the point in any case.
“That’ll be easier than trying to craft a troll persona and explain why they’ve never seen me around Trollmarket before, especially if I still look too young to be out on my own. Might still get me killed, but this thing’s a death sentence on its own, isn’t it?” holding up the amulet.
No, Jim didn’t know much of troll culture, but he suspected their reaction to a human Trollhunter would be only slightly better than their reaction to a Changeling Trollhunter – namely, a quick death to pass the mantle down to a real troll rather than pausing to torture him for information first.
And he also knew that Trollhunters, particularly Trollhunters living in the same city as Bular, had notoriously short lifespans compared to the average troll.
Table of Contents
Next Chapter (Blinky and AAARRRGGHH find ‘Master Jim’)
#trollhunters#My Fanfiction#Changelings#Monday is fanfic day!#Becoming The Mask chapters#also#fanfic recommendation#reference links#Changeling Jim#Jim Lake Jr#Familiars#Dr Barbara Lake#Tobias Domzalski#Walter Strickler#Amulet of Daylight#Tales of Arcadia
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Hi, hello, greetings & welcome return to PunkNRasslin after a short hiatus. These lockdown blogs will be weekly & focusing on a different subject each week, be it in Wrestling or Music. Which, let’s face it, is what it says on the tin here. Punk & Wrestling, PunkNRasslin. Each week a new insight into what we at PnR like & maybe dislike, although I’ll try & keep the PMA here!
This first weekly blog focuses on my love for a certain tag team in British Wrestling (BritWres if you’re down with the kids). Three letters. Guessed it yet? No not ‘THOSE’ 3 letters (maybe next time) but the 3 that just beat them as my favourite 3 letters in wrestling. Who’s got it? Another clue? Fair enough, 2 best friends standing united. I gave it away right. This first week we focus on FSU! Load Andrew WK into the PA & let’s go!
My first exposure to Mark Andrews & Eddie Dennis was one of two things. The first was seeing Mark on TNA British Bootcamp, which led to him joining the X-Division in the company way back when TNA was easily accessible on Challenge TV Sunday Nights. That was the perfect end to my week in that period to be honest, 9PM Challenge TV. The second was seeing them as a tag team for the first time which, online viewing aside, was at Fight Club Pro in 2017 at the Dream Tag Team Invitational Tournament. Let’s touch on the night 1 match later in this piece shall we?
I don’t know if seeing Bootcamp was my first exposure to Andrews but it was certainly the first time I went ‘OK, I need to get myself off the sofa & to a live show’. The energy in that man, the movset, the agility.. I dare anyone to find a more energetic talent although equally as, there’s a few though. Around this time, just as the finals for Bootcamp were being broadcast, I attended a PCW Charity Show for the now passed on Kris Travis partly due to Mark being booked on the show & partly cause Kris himself was an amazing in ring worker. An idea for a future piece there. The night of the event came, it wasn’t a ‘wrestling show’ in the stereotypical sense it was more friends gathering together to raise some money for a good cause. If you can, go back & look at the talent present on that show. From memory here, Tyler Bate & Trent Seven were in action along side Zack Gibson.
Back on subject, I think I was just more blown away by the fact one man could do such magnificent things in ring. It really, cliche I guess, reminded me of watching Liger on WCW as a teen. I went out soon after & got more involved in British Wrestling shows despite 1) knowing nobody and 2) being nervous as heck! So many journeys, miles & cities ahead of me I booked as many shows Mark was booked on at the time. Through this I discovered his tag partner in FSU Eddie Dennis. I’m not sure if I was biased cause of the mark fandom, but I was as impressed with this taller, harder hitting grappler as I was that night at PCW. And so, the fandom grew. As did my Merch collection actually thank you Defend!
Fast forward to 2017. A journey from Preston to Wolverhampton on a good Friday. A bad idea? Well a broken down train & delayed arrival not withstanding, I managed with little to no worry. Let’s ignore the mini panic when on an overcrowded stationary carriage at Manchester Oxford Road. I got through it & arrived in one piece. That night, stood with new and familiar faces from the now many shows I’d attended, we witnessed together ‘the’ moment that transformed a mid 20’s fanboy into a screaming teenager without a care. The second match on the card was FSU taking on Los Gueros Del Cielo AKA Jack Evans & Angelico. In the first, say ten minutes, we had witnessed flippy agility alongside strikes to rival the best. One moment though sticks in my mind from this night, Andrews deciding during the match to scale the venues scruture & do what can only be described as something impossible to most from a high ledge to the ground below. Magic had happened. That was it, no going back. I was sucked in to FSU I was well & truly part of their fanbase. I don’t think I’ve ever had the courage to say to any of them how much that warm 2017 night sticks in my heart. Or how many times during a low period I put it on to remind myself to be strong. Over that weekend FSU would progress to face The Lucha Bros in a match in London I always regret missing.
Moving on from life altering moments, I think I’ve counted I’ve seen FSU Perform in 4 different cities (Cardiff, Wolverhampton, Manchester, London) not withstanding the other trips to see the boys in singles action. But London September 2017 is another moment that sticks. I’ve apologied many times to those involved in witnessing this many times probably too many! But if you know your FSU History, you know exactly the match & moment I mean. It wasn’t the Mark victory in the number 1 contenders scramble. No it was the seconds after. The heartbreaking (at the time) moment that Eddie turned his back on Mark and was a bad guy. How dare he?! His best friend. How could he?! You stand united you are a unit! No! It’s not supposed to end, EVER! I think I sat at the back of Alexandra Palace after that & cried. It was just so believable & like ‘this is it, no more FSU’. Of course after a fantastic storytelling experience & a match in front of Wembley Arena of all places they did in fact stand united once more a calendar year later. Go back & watch some of the unrivalled promo work during that rivalry, the emotion in Eddie enticing mark into fighting his friend, Mark staying loyal to his buddy & refusing until he’d had enough after months of taunting & torturous attacks. Just remember if you go back to the Wembley Match, those tables are tough!!
FSU of course during Mark/Eddie rivalry did still exist under a different form. Wales’ Rising Star Danny Jones briefly tagging with Andrews for a one night only appearance, but as Heel Eddie nicely phrased it on the night, FSU was never Mark Andrews with Insert Welsh Buddy Here. The team of FSU will be forever known as the Andrews/Dennis pairing.
Nowadays, FSU stands once more. This time as a heel faction in Progress Wrestling. As an old school party hard FSU fan, I’m still a bit in love with this new heel incarnation. It elevates FSU to a new level. It’s something to keep the fanbase interested. Do we want the Andrew WK theme Party Hard again? Yes! Of course! It was part of the whole appeal, it was the ‘boys night out on the Jàgerbombs’ vibe. But do we as fans also see that this is a natural progressive route for the team? Yes, of course!
So in closing, what does FSU stand for to me. It means to me what it means for the others. Friendship Standing United. Standing by your crew until the very end, supporting your friends like family through thick & thin which in these times is irreplaceable. FSU is what it says. Friends. Stand. United.
Hope you all enjoyed that. It brought back some happier memories for me & made me want to relive ‘that’ Ally Pally moment from 2017 again. Only no tears this time I promise! Fantastic storytelling boys!
Matches to check out then;
FSU vs Los Gueros Del Cielo Fight Club Pro Dream Tag Team Invitational 2017 Night 1
Mark Andrews vs Pete Dunne PWG BOLA Stage 2 2016
Eddie Dennis vs Travis Banks Progress Wrestling Chapter 59 2017
Thanks for reading, WHEN IT’S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL..
Jx
Blog soundtracked by.. Tiny Moving Parts
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What Doing NaNoWriMo Taught Me
1) The impossible is possible.
I often joke with my friends that I’m a binge-writer. I don’t normally write every single day. I wait for the weekend to come and then devote an entire Saturday or Sunday to writing about 5k-10k words. NaNoWriMo forced me to make time every day to write 1667 words, and that was the biggest challenge for me -- consistency and perseverance. I would come home from class at 6:30 and feel too tired to do anything else, but I still had to make time to write, even if it meant staying up until 2 AM. Even when I wasn’t feeling well or I had already written a bunch of stuff for school, I sat down to write and tried to type out at least a couple of words each day. I fell short of my daily word count a few times, but I would just write twice as much the next day. All in all, the graph of my progress stayed pretty consistent though, and that’s what I’ve been most proud of. I didn’t make any excuses this month. I wrote even when I felt like it was impossible and my brain couldn’t put together any sentences, and I found that even when I thought I couldn’t write, I could. Not once did I feel inspired. Each day was like pushing a wheelbarrow filled with rocks up a hill, and it didn’t get any easier like I thought it would. Each day was just as hard as the previous one, but I didn’t let that stop me.
2) There’s always time.
I thought I wouldn’t have time to write every day. That was a lie I was feeding myself for a long time. You can always make time. I wrote a good chunk of my novel this month on the bus, in between classes, in coffee shops while having lunch with friends, or in the middle of the night. I sacrificed sleep and made myself get out of my comfort zone. So much of our day is wasted on idle time--waiting for a bus or train, sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting for class to start, sitting in the back of a car, etc. I utilized every minute of the day for writing, and when I wasn’t writing, I was reading about writing.
3) If you want something, you have to chase after it.
Writing is a very solitary and dull act. Most of the time, it’s hell and not as magical as non-writers think it is. Even when you’re writing well, it feels like what Stephen King always describes as “shoveling shit from a sitting position,” but being a writer forces you to accept this and keep going anyway. Nothing gets handed to you. If you want to write a novel, at some point, you have to sit down, commit to it, and write. Again, no excuses. Otherwise, life keeps passing you by and you wander around in this gray middle ground where you can always see your dreams in the distance, but you can never touch and hold them. No one is going to be there to write for you or to give you the magic formula for getting it right. You have to shut yourself in your room sometimes for hours on end and just do it.
4) I’ll never be satisfied.
So, I wrote over 50,000 words this month. Sure, I’m happy about it and proud of myself on some level, but the story isn’t done yet, and I’m not totally satisfied. I think a lot of the scenes I wrote were lackluster, and the novel as a whole is going to take a heck of a lot of editing. I thought I’d finish NaNoWriMo and finally feel accomplished as an aspiring writer, but that hasn’t been the case. I still feel this itch and nagging to keep going -- to see it through to the end and write multiple follow-up drafts until this aching in my chest stops and everything sounds like it should. I always want more, even once I’ve done what I’ve set out to do, and I hate myself for putting myself through this masochism. I know it’s a good quality to have, but it’s draining, and I wish I could give myself a week away from my novel and rest, but I know I’m not going to be able to relax until it’s officially done and I’ve got at least an 80,000-word novel.
5) When you feel broken inside, that’s when you know you’re doing it right.
I officially finished NaNoWriMo at 2:36 AM on November 30. I decided to stay up on Wednesday and get it over with because I didn’t want to put myself through the struggle of worrying throughout the entirety of Thursday about whether or not I was going to finish on time. I’m the type of person who likes to rip the band-aid off (it’s a gift and a curse). The last scene I wrote was intense -- the most heartbreaking scene of the novel thus far, and halfway through it, I burst into tears because I was exhausted, and I was battling all of the emotions going through my head as I was typing. Something amazing happened in that moment. I felt like I was there, standing on the porch and seeing what my protagonist was seeing. I was there, in my slippers, with the cold night air biting at my skin and my eyes burning from the sting of bright lights cutting through the darkness. I felt the helplessness of the moment as the weight of the night sky pressed down upon me. It sounds silly, but that’s how I know I’m getting somewhere and that I’ve tapped into something in my writing -- when I’m either grinning and feeling euphoric with my characters or when I cry with them. It’s only happened to me a handful of times, and each time, I’m left stunned by it.
It was the first time my novel felt truly real to me -- like I could go to that very street and meet those characters in person, and they would be tangible people with complicated lives and hopes and dreams.
6) You’re more powerful than you think.
A week ago (around day 22), I let my friend read the first chapter of my novel because I was dying for feedback at that point. I trusted her to give me critical feedback because she’s never said nice things just to placate me before, and she’s not afraid to tell me when something sucks. The first thing she said after reading it was, “Wow, you have some pretty incredible characters here. You need to slow down and give them the time they deserve because wow, just wow.”
I know world-building and description/imagery are my weaknesses, and oftentimes, because of that, my writing can sound a little monotone and dull if I don’t actively go back and fix it. I’ve also always known that dialogue is one of my strengths, but NaNoWriMo helped me see what I can do with a whole new set of characters made from scratch. I wasn’t writing pre-made characters given to me by a fandom. They were my characters, and I fell in love with them. I’m so happy to have accomplished that. It was a powerful discovery.
7) This is what I’m meant to be doing.
This is a lesson I’ve had to learn over and over again. It’s also something I’m often in denial about. Knowing you want to be a writer is a scary thing because you know it means you’re going to face a lot of rejection, heartbreak, and disappointment. Most writers never make a sustainable career out of their work -- they have to have a side job. When writing gets hard sometimes, I think about what it would be like to have chosen a more practical career path. I could have gone to medical school like my parents initially wanted me to, and I could’ve lived a comfortable life, never having to worry about how to support myself. My future would have been safe and certain. I could have been anything else, and it probably would have worked out fine, but I chose to be a writer because I want my life to be more than fine and liveable -- I want it to be meaningful and full of passion and drive, even if that means it’s going to take a lot of tears and pain to get there. As I get nearer and nearer toward graduating college, I get more and more terrified that I’ll never be able to be independent and provide for myself.
NaNoWriMo made me face the harsh reality of the path I’ve chosen, but I don’t regret my choices, even when I have my moments of doubt. And if I fail, I fail, but I’ll have failed knowing I put my heart into being more than just another person trying to survive life. There’s more to life than a good job and money. There’s love, and joy, and fulfillment, and family, and friends, and walking out onto the street and feeling like flying because it’s a beautiful day and the sun is shining and everything feels like it’s going to be okay. It’s laughing so hard you want to cry and crying so hard you want to laugh. It’s hearing a soothing song, and writing a poem, and growing up, and losing yourself but finding yourself, too. It’s about being confused. It’s about the tenacity of the human spirit even in the face of great adversity. It’s about pain and tears but also warm arms holding you as you lean on someone who loves you. It’s coming home after being away for a long time. It’s standing up for what you believe in and fighting for what’s right. It’s empathy and letting people into your heart. It’s everything that makes us human and fallible. And one day, it’ll be over -- for all of us -- and when it’s over, how much monetary value your life had won’t matter. It’ll just be gone, and your life will be a series of memories by which others remember you by. I don’t want people to remember me as someone who didn’t follow her dreams and followed the straightest path through life in order to be comfortable. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to be challenged. I want to be sad. I want to feel pain. I want to go through all of these things because I want to experience all my life has to offer.
And so, I’m going to keep writing -- never satisfied, but never stopping either because I’ll always be yearning for more from myself.
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Wednesday [1/2]
Sorry I’ve been MIA. Life.
Back to pornstravaganza!
Captain Charming 1950s AU for the Queen of CC @hencethebravery on the occasion of her birth! Happy Birthday my darling Alana, I kept it pure for you!
(Part two is going to be… less pure ;) )
1.6k. Rated hard T / mild M for insinuation.
Wednesday, 1959
Nobody goes to Granny's on a Wednesday.
It's drive in night down at the bluff, and the young denizens of Storybrooke can almost all be found there, parked up in their daddy’s cars pretending to watch a movie while much more closely watching each other. David Nolan should be there too. As the star of the High School football team and with looks to rival any of the stars on screen he's never lacked for invites from fresh-faced girls in poodle skirts or, for that matter, their mothers.
But he has a standing appointment.
Nobody goes to Granny's on a Wednesday. Nobody except him.
Him, and his secret.
The diner seems darker than usual, Granny slouching over the counter studying the Sears catalogue and the only sound is the faint hum of the generator between the turning of her pages. At the other end of the counter sits Killian Jones, his feet crossed on the Formica as he leans back against the far wall.
“Didn't think you were coming.”
“I wasn't.”
He sees the flash of Killian's teeth as he grins before swinging his legs down and standing, his hand automatically rising push an unruly lock of dark hair out of his face. It makes David's fingers itch, so he balls his hand into a fist instead.
“You hear that Granny?” he calls. “Nolan wasn’t planning on gracing us with his presence!”
Granny looks up long enough to huff, “Either of you going to grace me with your cash?”
Killian's shoulders droop slightly, and David lifts his eyebrows in question. He knows, the whole town knows, how Mr Jones took off in the dead of night and left his two boys with nothing. Liam’s in the navy now, shipped out to somewhere humid and far enough away that the checks don't always come in time.
Sometimes they don't come at all.
“A chocolate shake,” he says, “and a soda water. Mind if we have a booth?”
She laughs, a tobacco tainted cackle. “And disturb all my other customers? As long as you're paying boys you can have whatever you want.”
Granny sets to work making their drinks, her head bobbing gently as she moves along the counter but never turning towards them as David heads to the corner booth, the one with no window and the light bulb that's on the fritz.
(It isn’t like she doesn’t know, anyway, what carries on in the dark corners of her Wednesday nights. But they say her granddaughter went out west with some girl or other, and Granny doesn’t ask, and Granny doesn’t tell.)
It's the booth most popular with courting couples, the one where, just a week or so ago, David had found himself getting a little hot and heavy over a grilled cheese with a pretty little creature called Mary Margaret Blanchard. Killian hasn't been here then, of course, but news travels all the same and he gives David a wry look as he slides into the seat opposite.
David can't help but flush slightly. “Don't look at me like that, Jones. You've done your share of petting.”
Killian's lip twitches and he sits back against the leatherette seat, his jacket squeaking as he folds his arms.
“Not nearly enough,” he says and David feels his cheeks grow hot as Killian's eyes drop to the open v of his letterman jacket. The shirt beneath is old and worn thin, and Killian's eyes linger far longer than is proper. Not that any time is proper. Not that David can bring himself to care when Killian stretches, resting his arms against the back of the seat and allowing David in turn to see the dark shadow of hair beneath his own oil stained shirt.
It's a game they play, the two of them, alone in the flickering shadows of Wednesday nights. Who can make the other crack., who's the best at playing pretend with their blood high and lust in the air.
“I'm happy to lose,” Killian had said once, that first time they’d played crammed into the back of David’s truck, his hand on David’s thigh, his breath at his ear. “Make me lose, Nolan.”
That's why they meet here now; it’s harder to lose with the tabletop digging into their bellies and Leroy singing in the distance, shadows cast under Killian’s eyes and his mouth red in the blueish lights.
Harder, but not impossible.
Granny drops their drinks on the table without a word, and returns to her catalogue. There are two straws in the milkshake, innocent red and white tubes of paper that David stares at unblinkingly before risking a glance over his shoulder. Granny has turned her back to them, and he doesn’t know if he wants to kiss her or kill her for it.
“Here.”
He pushes the milkshake towards Killian who is also eyeing the straws with interest. “You look hungry.”
Killian scoffs, and shifts himself so that he can lean over the milkshake as it sits between them. “I'm not a charity case.”
“Never said you were.”
Killian nods down at the milkshake. “Share?”
Granny turns another page, and the air grows somehow thicker, the buzz of the generator competing with the rush of blood through his veins as, just for a moment, David lets himself wonder.
Would their noses brush as he took his first sip? Would Killian's stubble be sharp or soft against his own smooth cheek? Would it be like hiding in this booth with a girl? Would Killian let him pull him onto his lap? Run his hands over his back and steal a kiss or ten? Or would he be bolder, braver, would he be the one to slip his tongue into David’s mouth? Would his prom night promises sound so much sweeter for their sin? For how much they shouldn’t, for how much they do?
He dares to look over his shoulder again. Granny's gone entirely now, and he can hear her somewhere in the back, her clattering a sure sign that she'll be gone some minutes at least, and if no one sees does it matter? If no one sees does it count?
(Had it counted that first time when no one had seen them but the stars overhead, his whole world turned upside down in a haze of cigarette smoke and calloused hands?)
Killian wraps his pink lips around the straw and sucks, his eyes fixed on David as he swallows.
It feels like a challenge.
He feels like a coward.
“No thank you.”
Killian releases the straw, a single drop of milkshake clinging to the fullness of his bottom lip, just sitting there, damp and cool and inviting and making David’s blood boil, his fingers curling against his jeans as he forces himself to look away. Killian just watches him still with those pale unblinking eyes, giving only the slightest quirk of an eyebrow as he pushes the drink another inch closer.
“Don't you want to try?”
“Fuck off,” David says, but his voice cracks on the words, his heart fluttering traitorously as the eyebrow shifts higher, and it won't do. It won't do at all.
He's a congressman’s son, his father tight at McCarthy’s side as he routs men like Killian out, and David can't, daren't, won't be one of them.
No, he needs a congressman’s wife, pretty and agreeable and silent on his arm, not this lavender lad with the haunted eyes and the leather jacket who makes his heart skip beats and his cock betray him.
He closes his eyes briefly; tries to replace him with Mary Margaret, tries to imagine the turn up of her nose, the delicate bones in her wrists, but it's Killian who leans in closer, Killian's arms that flex beneath the leather, Killian's breath that falls, hot and chocolate sweet, in the inches between them.
“Why’s that then?” he says, low enough to be a threat if Granny were to hear and query it. “Cause I'm temperamental?”
It's too close to an admittance, the truth of what he is - what they are - hanging between them and David feels like he's hanging on a precipice where any fall stings with failure and tastes like regret, where what he says next counts for more than any stolen kiss or locker room stare.
“We all know about your temperament,” David shoots back, and Killian smiles, teeth framed by stubble as the tip of his tongue sweeps out to lap up that last drop of milkshake.
“One does so love to garner a reputation.”
David winces. He's not been deaf to the whispers these last few months, that the Jones boy drove his family away by his behaviour, Killian's leather and swagger not enough to stop the hiss of faggot in his wake. He's heard the sermons against the sodomites in the church Killian no longer attends, had nodded along with the other boy’s teeth marks still purple at his shoulder.
“I didn't mean…”
Killian smiles again, soft in a way that makes David's chest hurt, and taps a nicotie stained finger against the edge of the glass.
“I think you did.”
“Killian, I -”
Killian leans down and takes David’s chin firmly in hand. “I think you mean this too.”
His lips are feather soft and oh so fleeting as they brush against David’s, the sticky sweetness of the milkshake lingering as he pulls away, his cheeks bright and his eyes brighter. David can't help but crane after him, his throat parched for the want of another morsel of that sweetness even asKillian slips out of the booth, and out of his grasp.
“One day,” he says, his own breaths a little uneven, “you might even admit it.”
“You know I can't,” David mumbles, his hands reaching out for the other boy against his will. “Killian you know I can’t.”
“You won’t, you mean. Not that it matters.”
Killian’s lip curls, and David's heart sinks as he pulls a crumpled dollar from his pocket and drops it on the tabletop.
“You can't lie to yourself forever, Nolan,” he sneers. “Until then, I'll buy my own damn milkshakes.”
--
The next week finds David parked up on the bluff, Mary Margaret at his side and his college acceptance tucked into his pocket.
He smiles and laughs and kisses her until her shirt is askew and her lips are red as blood, drowns himself in the taste of her lipstick until he's almost forgotten, until it matters. Until it’s almost real.
(Real as chocolate milkshake and the scent of leather. Real as stubble against his throat and make me lose, Nolan. Please.
He's the one who loses, he supposes, in the end.
Nobody goes to Granny's on a Wednesday.)
#hencethebravery#captain charming#clare vs writers block#clare vs rare pairs#romantic captain charming#smut adjacent#captain charming angst#i guess#500 followers pornstravaganza
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