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rhoorl · 8 months

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Turbulence | Part One

Pairing: Frankie x reader

Word Count: 3.6k

AO3 Link

Summary: Your fear of flying is quelled when a handsome stranger sits next to you.

Warnings: Fear of flying, mention of a helicopter crash, and turbulence. Mention of CBD use, allusion to a bad past relationship. If there’s something else I need to add here let me know!

A/N: I took some liberties with some of the aviation stuff for the sake of the story. Aside from Delta Landscaping, this is my first time writing a solo Frankie piece, so I'm a little nervous!

"What time do you land?"

"Well, assuming I take off on time, we should land around 4:30. By the time I get off the plane and go to baggage claim and everything it will be like 5 at the earliest. But seriously, I don't mind waiting until you're done with work. Take your time."

"Ok, sweetie. I talked with Jeff and he said I could leave a few minutes early today…I have to say, I love having a millennial as a boss!"

I can't help but roll my eyes when Mom talks like this. Jeff treats her like a human being rather than a cog in the corporate wheel. Honestly, it makes me sad to think about the shit she had to deal with as a working mom when I was younger and the bosses who were less than flexible. I still remember the day I was throwing up at the nurse's office when I was in middle school and her boss wouldn't let her leave because she hadn't requested time off in advance.

"Well, that's nice of Jeff, but honestly I can wait. I'll probably need to hit up the airport bar to deal with the stress of the flight."

"I know you hate flying sweetheart, but luckily it's short. You’ll be here before you know it."

"Yeah, well…I made it to my gate so I'm going to sit here for a bit before we board. I love you."

"Love you too sweetie. Text me when you land!"

Moving to Atlanta was a big step in my career, but it also unfortunately meant I traveled more for work since I was so close to a major airport. I used to be fine with flying when I was little, but ever since that one flight when I was in college I've developed a lot of anxiety around it. I was flying back home when I experienced the worst turbulence of my life. I can still vividly remember coming out of my seat, the seatbelt was the only reason I didn't fly up to the ceiling unlike a few people a couple of rows in front of me. People were filming it, others were trying to frantically call their loved ones, convinced we weren’t going to land safely.

Needless to say, the event was traumatizing and it took me years to fly again. The only reason I do it is because of work - I prefer to drive whenever I can. Unfortunately, this trip was a bit of an exception since I was flying down for my cousin’s wedding. I had an 8 a.m. meeting on Monday, so it was too tight of a window to drive down, thus forcing me to fly.

Because I traveled so much, I started experimenting with various methods to calm my nerves. I recently started dabbling with CBD and it seemed to be working. I had a bit of a ritual when it came to flying. I would arrive at the airport early with plenty of time to check any bags and make it to my gate. I’d buy a SmartWater from one of the shops and grab a People magazine to page through. I’d then take some of my gummies so that they would take their intended effect while I was in the air.

I already had collected my water and magazine and started rifling through my bag to find my gummies. They weren’t in the normal place I packed them, so I started checking a few more pockets.

"Shit," I sighed.

I was in such a rush to get out of the door this morning, I must have left them on my kitchen counter. Knowing that I didn’t have them and I was without my safety net made the anxiety sweep over me like a wave. I suddenly felt helpless and was trying to not panic, despite the fact that I could feel my pulse quicken.

"Is everything okay?"

I look up and see a man looking at me, his big chocolate brown eyes fixed on me, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.

"Uh, yeah…actually no…I'm not the best flyer."

I feel so silly admitting that to anyone, I’m a grown-ass woman who has traveled enough to earn Silver Medallion status on Delta for fuck’s sake. I also feel silly admitting a flaw of mine to a guy like this. If someone asked me to describe my type it’s him. Although he was sitting, he seemed rather tall, with broad shoulders, the kindest eyes, an earnest smile, and the most beautiful curls poking out of his blue baseball cap. On top of his obvious good looks, he also seemed really sweet and intuitive, a combination I rarely encounter.

"Flying is actually safer than driving a car, you know."

"I've heard that, still doesn't help."

"You headed to Tampa?" He nodded over to the gate.

"Yeah, I am."

"Me too," he smiled. "I'm Frankie."

Okay, his smile was adorable too. And the way his eyes crinkled. I need to snap out of it, this guy is just being nice, but I still give him my name and shake his hand.

"Look, ah, I don't mean to be forward or anything, but if you want to sit together…I'm a pilot, so I'd be happy to uh, talk you through it. The turbulence that is."

His eyes flit from my eyes to my lips and back.

I can't tell if it's my imagination or I’m projecting, but I feel like he’s flirting with me…it’s been so long, I honestly forgot what it was like but fuck it, let’s see where this goes.

"Really? You fly planes?"

"Oh ah, well, I actually fly helicopters but I went to flight school and know the general gist of it."

"Oh wow, helicopters. I can't say I've ever been in one of those before. That seems scarier than a plane."

"Not when I'm the one flying," he winked as he rubbed his thumb along his lower lip, leaning forward, resting his forearm on his knee.

Yup, he's definitely flirting with me. This may be a better distraction than any gummy could provide me.

“So ah, what boarding group do you have?”

He pulled out a paper ticket, which was so endearing. “Hmm, looks like I’m in B, B10. Do you fly Southwest a lot? I hardly ever do and it seems stressful,” he laughed.

“No, I typically fly Delta for work. But when I go home I fly Southwest, the flight times are better. I’m in A…A34.”

“Oh fancy. You should save me a seat,” he smirked. “Try going for a row over the wings. You'll like it more, it's where you find the smoothest ride.”

I know he didn’t mean anything by that last phrase but my mind resides in the gutter most of the time, and with a hot guy flirting with me it’s even worse.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we will be boarding flight 3519 with service to Tampa out of gate C21 here shortly. At this time, I’d like to ask all guests in boarding group A to please line up in numerical order.”

“Well, looks like that’s my cue. I’ll hopefully see you in there?”

“Yeah sounds good,” he gave me a smile as I got up. He thought he was being coy, but I caught the way his eyes trailed down my body as I gathered my things.

Boarding was uneventful and as I stepped foot on the plane I did my customary glance into the cockpit to see the pilots. I don’t know what I think I’m accomplishing by doing this, but it gives me some peace of mind to see who has my life in their hands for the next hour or so. I remember what Frankie told me and I head for the middle of the plane, opting for the exit row. I found an empty row that had only two seats so I decided to take it and see what happens. I lay my backpack in the seat next to me hoping it would deter someone from taking it.

I watch more and more people board. The exit rows were popular, only a couple of seats remained open, the one next to me included. I was trying not to get my hopes up, but the thought of sitting next to a handsome stranger, who apparently knew his shit about planes and flying, seemed like a great way to spend the flight.

His hat was the first thing I saw as he turned the corner to board the plane. My eyes found him and he gave me a nod and a smile and I felt butterflies in my stomach. He was getting closer and closer to my row, not taking his eyes off of me.

“Excuse me, is someone sitting there sweetheart?”

I look up and see what I can only describe as a total sleazeball leering at me.

“Um, I-”

“Oh honey, there you are! Hey man, sorry I was hoping I could sit with my wife, she’s terrified of flying. I was a dumbass and didn’t check in on time so we weren’t able to get our boarding numbers close together. Hey baby,” Frankie nodded at me, giving the man a look that was equal parts friendly and threatening.

“Sure man, yeah.” The man seemed annoyed but kept on walking back.

“Thanks, man, I appreciate it,” Frankie bent down to give me a kiss on the cheek to keep the rouse up. I felt my face getting hot, my cheeks had to be turning all sorts of colors from embarrassment. “Sorry about that, I just didn’t think he’d be the best seatmate,” he whispered as he sat down and put his seatbelt on.

“Well I appreciate it, that guy gave me the creeps.”

“I’m sure your uh boyfriend probably wouldn’t be too keen on a random guy giving you a kiss on the cheek,” he smirked.

“Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend…or anyone. I…I’m single.”

Why the fuck am I being so awkward right now?

“Ah, I see. Sorry, when you were on the phone out there I heard you say I love you, so I just figured…”

“That was my mom,” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yes, I’m in my mid-30’s and I call my mom before I get on a plane.”

“Nothing wrong with that. Hell, if my mom was still alive I’d probably do the same thing,” he smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

The rest of the plane boarded and the flight attendants checked the cabin. As the plane pushed back from the gate I double-checked to make sure my phone was in airplane mode.

“Hello from the flight deck, we’ve been cleared for departure. Once we get in the air, we’ll share more about the weather in Tampa. But in the meantime please sit back, relax, and enjoy your one hour and 25-minute flight down to Tampa.”

I checked the weather forecast this morning and it looked like the typical Florida afternoon storms were going to pop up. The thought of flying during a storm made my anxiety ratchet up, so I started to self-soothe by rubbing my palms up and down my thighs.

“Hey, you alright?” Frankie whispers over to me.

“Uh, yeah…I mean, no. No. I’m not fine. There’s weather down in Tampa, why didn’t he mention that, it’s probably going to mean a bumpy ride, why wouldn’t he warn us about it beforehand-”

“Hey, hey,” Frankie grabbed my hand. “Shh, it’s ok. He’s probably waiting to get the latest from air traffic control and other planes en route. It’ll be fine, I promise. Just breathe. Does taking off make you nervous?”

I was finding it hard to talk, so I just nodded.

“Ok, I get it, take off can be scary. Just keep holding my hand. Squeeze it as hard as you need to, I promise it won’t hurt. Just keep breathing. Do you have any water?”

“Y-yea, in my bag.”

“I’ll grab it for you. I see it, I’m gonna let go of your hand real quick to grab it, okay?” I nod. “Ok, here you go,” he unscrews the bottle and hands it to me, returning his hold on my hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth along the back of my hand.

I take a long drink and do some deep breathing. I have to admit that it’s pretty comforting to not be alone and have someone next to me, holding my hand. My ex used to always make fun of my fear of flying, saying I had to grow up. By this point in the flight he would have either had his AirPods in or he’d be faking that he was asleep.

The plane comes to a stop at the end of the runway and then starts its acceleration. For some reason, I always tried to visualize a gymnast running down toward the vault to try and track the plane’s journey down the runway. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, I feel Frankie’s hand tighten around mine.

“You’re doing great, we’re almost in the sky. Hard part is almost over.”

Just like that, I feel the plane lift off the ground, my stomach dropping a bit at the change. Frankie’s firm grasp doesn’t falter, in fact, I feel him bring his other hand to my knee, rubbing circles as I keep my eyes clenched shut as the plane continues its ascent. He continued to talk to me, explaining the different gears and engines, and telling me what certain sounds meant.

It’s hard to keep track of how much time passes, but eventually, I hear a ding and open my eyes to see the fasten seatbelt sign turned off. The flight attendant comes on and tells everyone that we reached our cruising altitude and that we can use any large approved electronic devices.

“I’m sorry, I feel like I probably am cutting off the circulation in your hand,” I laugh as Frankie brings his other hand back to rest in his lap.

“Oh it’s really fine, I don’t mind.”

I reluctantly let go of my grip and he retracts his hand, taking his hat off to run his fingers through his hair before returning the cap to the top of his head. In the brief moment he was sans hat I clocked the luscious curls he was hiding and thought about how it would feel like to run my fingers through his hair.

“Thank you, by the way. You’ve been so sweet this whole time. Don’t feel like you have to babysit me.”

“It’s ok. I’m good with talking if you want to, but I won’t be offended if you want to throw on music or a movie or something.”

Now he was the one who appeared nervous, which was pretty cute.

I turn my body so I’m facing him, “it’s such a short flight, I’d hate to start a movie and not finish it. We can talk, I think that would be nice.”

“Yea?” His face lit up.

We spent the next almost hour talking about all sorts of things. He told me that he used to be in the military, and he has three friends who he served with that he still keeps in contact with. It sounded like Santiago was his best friend in the group, but he spoke fondly of the other two men as well, I think they are brothers.

I told him about my family in Tampa and how I grew up there. He’s lived there for a few years now, he fills me in on some of the new restaurants that have popped up that he likes. I learned that he was actually on a connecting flight, he started his day flying from Dallas to Atlanta. He was in Texas visiting family – he has an older sister who has two children. It was so cute hearing him talk about his niece and nephew. He even showed me a few photos on his phone from his trip.

It also helped that the flight was smooth, there was hardly a bump. I couldn’t believe what an amazing trip this had been from the unlikely encounter with Frankie who turned out to be a super nice and very single man.

I check my watch and see there is about half an hour left.

“Ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, we’re going to ask our flight attendants to clean the cabin and prepare it for landing a bit sooner so they can take their seats. We’re expecting a few bumps as we make our descent into the Tampa Bay area. Right now, winds are out of the north at 18 miles per hour, with gusts up to 30 miles an hour. There are some showers in the area, but it looks like a lot of the severe weather is south of us at the moment. We’ll have you on the ground in about half an hour. Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for arrival.”

As soon as I heard the captain say that the flight attendants were going to need to take their seats sooner than normal, I didn’t hear the rest of his message. I immediately started to panic, flashing back to the turbulence I experienced all of those years ago.

“Hey, it’s going to be ok. I know it may feel like the captain is losing control of the plane, but I promise you turbulence doesn’t cause crashes…I should know.”

“W-what do you mean, you should know?”

Frankie’s hand immediately comes back to mine. “I…uh, I’ve crashed before.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t scary if you were the one flying.”

The bumps were starting to pick up, and I instinctively squeezed my eyes shut, hoping time would speed up so I could get safely on the ground.

“Ah, well…there were some…extenuating circumstances, it wasn’t entirely my fault. Well, actually it was my fault as the pilot I should have known better but …it doesn’t matter. I’m here, right?”

“I know you’re trying to be comforting, but talking about a helicopter crash while we’re experiencing severe turbulence is kind of the opposite of what I need right now.”

“Right, sorry. And uh…not to minimize it, but we’re actually experiencing light turbulence right now.”

I opened my eyes slightly to glare at him, but I couldn’t be mad at him, he was trying to help calm me down and he was giving me these sweet puppy dog eyes.

“Sorry, I…uh…the pilot mentioned the winds. As we descend the wind is one of the reasons we feel the bumps. He’s actually been flying pretty well so far, so I know it will be fine, okay?” He squeezed my hand.

“Mhmm, yeah, sure whatever you say, captain.”

“Just keep breathing, you’re doing great. Only,” he checked his watch, “only about 20 more minutes and we’ll be on the ground.”

“Fuck. Twenty minutes?”

“I’m going to try and distract you, ok? Tell me about this wedding, what are you wearing?”

I opened my eyes enough to give him a narrow sarcastic glare. “You’re really taking advantage of me at my most vulnerable to ask what I’m going to be wearing?”

“I…uh…sorry, I-”

“I’m kidding Frankie,” how I managed to crack a joke amid the continued bumps is a testament to how safe I felt with this man. “I’m not in the bridal party or anything, so I got to pick my own dress. They’re getting married at the aquarium so I picked a blue dress. The color reminds me of the ocean.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s beautiful. What else.”

I continued giving him all of the minute details of the wedding including the drama between my aunts and why it was such a pain in the ass for my cousin to do the seating chart for the reception. I didn’t even realize we were slowly making our descent to the ground. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught trees and buildings coming into view.

“Holy shit, we’re almost there.”

“We are, you’re doing amazing. Just a little longer.”

I laid my head back against the headrest and took some more deep breaths, my hand still enveloped in Frankie’s.

The wheels touch down and I let out an exhale and turn to Frankie.

“I honestly can’t thank you enough for this. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”

“Well, I’m glad I was here then.” As he smiled at me and I felt a wave of sadness come over me, knowing that our time together was coming to an end.

“So, ah, is Santiago coming to pick you up?”

“That was the plan, but who knows with him, I actually should check my phone to see.” He pulls out his phone from his pocket, takes it off airplane mode, and waits for any messages or missed calls to flood in.

I take that cue to check my phone as well. I shoot off a text to Mom letting her know I landed safely.

Frankie shakes his head as he reads through messages on his phone.

“Everything ok?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, he’s going to be a little late but it’s all good.”

“Well, my ride is going to be a little late too. Wanna grab a drink? I owe you for putting up with me this whole time.”

He smiles at me and takes my hand again, “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but it was honestly not a bother at all. You helped me get through the flight too. And, yeah, I’ll take you up on that drink.”

A/N: The idea for this popped up because I took a few plane rides this summer, with some turbulence on a couple of them. Hopefully, I did Frankie proud on this one...what do you think happens next?

#frankie x reader #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales fanfiction #francisco catfish morales #pedro pascal fanfic

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tenisperfection · 1 month

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Saturday

A pre-7 x 05 drabble

Buck waits for the knock on the door all day.

Buck waits for the knock on the door all day, even when he knows Tommy will be there at 8 pm. Tommy, who Buck knows is not too early or too late, at least from his experience meeting him for the station tour. Tommy will probably arrive at 7:58 or 8:02, but Buck feels like he's been waiting for him his whole life.

I have dinner plans, Buck texts Maddie when she invites him home. Buck is trying on his fifth outfit, it is 3 pm and the sun shines into every corner of his apartment, dust beams falling on his couch and his bed and his skin. My Sunday morning is a little busy too, but maybe Monday after your shift?

Buck hopes he has Sunday plans. Buck wants, with a yearning so deep and so unspoken, to have plans Sunday morning. He wants to wake up with the Sun, surrounded by warmth and skin and the crinkles that take over Tommy's face so easily. He wants to kiss those crinkles until they stay pressed in to Tommy's skin, a permanent fixture, a side effect of his time with Buck.

Buck wants to make Tommy happy.

Have fun! Pick me up at 3 on Monday, we'll get some food before your shift starts.

Buck thinks of Maddie as he changes the sheets, taking care to choose the turquoise 600-thread count set that he loves, with cherry blossoms cutting delicate patterns into the blue-green. Eddie, when he stayed with Buck during lockdown, offhandedly mentioned that the cherry blossoms remind him of Buck's birth mark. Buck has been trying not to think about it for the past three years.

Buck tries to smooth out the creases as he thinks of telling Maddie on Monday. He wonders if she already knows or if she would be surprised.

When it's 6 pm and Buck cannot figure out what else to vacuum in his apartment, he slips in to the shower. His hands are a live wire, and Buck tries to be perfunctory as he soaps his skin down. He tries not to think about the curve of Tommy's mouth or the conviction in his eyes. He certainly tries to not get too giddy at the thought of the next time he'll feel those lips against his, which could be in a matter of hours. Buck tries not to think about it, because as many people as he's kissed, he's had far fewer second kisses. Buck tries to not get his hopes up.

Buck is unsuccessful.

I'm happy, Buck thinks, slipping into his jeans. I feel good. I can't wait. Buck finishes brushing his hair at 7:29 pm and slips his wallet and chapstick into his jacket at 7:35 pm. It is a minute later that the knock sounds through the apartment.

The butterflies resting just under Buck's skin explode with anticipation.

"Tommy, hey," Buck breathes, and Tommy rushes in, crinkles and all, his beautiful face as sunny as Buck feels.

"Evan," Tommy says, and Buck loves that Tommy takes up space, that he has no qualms about moving closer to Buck. "You look so good."

Buck wants to reciprocate, but it's hard to get the words out of his mouth in the right order. He opens his mouth and his throat promptly goes a little dry when he takes note of Tommy's black shirt, unbuttoned enough to give Buck the smallest tease of chest hair.

"You're early," is what comes out of his mouth instead.

Tommy laughs, those damn crinkles taking over his face again. Buck wants to lick them.

"I know," Tommy says, and Buck appreciates the sheepishness that colors his voice, likes the way it seems to make a different set of crinkles brighten Tommy's face. Buck wants to catalogue them all, wonders if any one has ever studied Tommy's face enough to memorize them. Buck thinks he'd like to try.

"I just couldn't wait till eight to see you again," Tommy says, a small smile on his face. "I hope it's okay. I'm surprised I managed to last till seven thirty."

Buck has had a hundred first kisses and a handful of seconds. This one that he leans in for, Tommy's arms coming around his waist, Tommy's face in his hands, is the one where he begins to hope.

"Let's go?" Tommy asks after a minute, a month, an eon. He somehow has a hand cupping Buck's cheek, and when Buck nods, unwilling to break the sanctity of the moment, Tommy presses a kiss to his forehead.

Buck's never had a first date like this.

Wildly, he thinks he would be fine if this was the last first date he experiences.

Too soon, some unseen part of him whispers, and Buck brushes aside the straying thought of cherry blossoms.

"Let's go," Buck echoes.

Tommy grins and leads the way.

#911fic #911 abc #bucktommy #7 x 05 spec fic #i love second kisses and i love forehead kisses and i love the anticpation before first dates #and i love these two

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 10 months

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Miguel O'Hara x Black Reader. A short and simple to the point Dominant Miguel series with fluff and smut included as it progresses. Go on a lil journey in love with Miguel.

(I didn't feel like doing the small print. There has to be an easier way than going paragraph by paragraph 😭😭 Also anyone I didn’t tag who wants to be tagged, let me know.)

Chapter 4: Dealbreaker

Miguel was truthful when he said nap. He didn't do anything in your bed but sleep for the better part of an hour, making you the little spoon though you weren't tired. By the end of the hour, the two of you had cleaned the kitchen as it was before he came. He left the meat and the few ingredients purchased, but he cleaned and took his slow-cooker with him. You've now got enough pork to last you a week of taking your lunch to work and eating at home. Instead, you invite some friends to help you eat it and decide to tell them all about Miguel.

"Right here?" Aria panics when you mention the head on the couch, moving to the opposite couch with your mutual friend, Zenia.

"Exactly right there."

"You let me sit in it?"

"When I say he drained me dry, girl, he kept goinnng. Then we took a nap upstairs. It was pretty chill."

"You just fuckin met this man, what, a few days ago?" Aria laughs.

"I know, but if you saw what I saw, you'd do it too... That's why you can't meet him! Not yet."

"Bitch! One time! I didn't even know you knew David like that."

"I know, but NEITHER of y'all lil hoes are gonna meet Miguel or see Miguel until I've got him secured."

"Now, how did I get in it," Zenia asks, mouth stuffed with pork.

"Right now, things are up in the air, but I'll keep dangling and manifesting. He'll be wrapped around my pinky, and only then will y'all meet him."

"So when are YOU seeing him again," Zenia asks.

"I don't know, probably next weekend. We haven't made any other plans yet."

And you're both busy through the week. A week seems a long time to wait, though. You'd rather see him sooner.

"You think you should call him to schedule something," Zenia asks, reading your mind.

"Nah, I'll let him call me. It gives him time to miss me."

"Well, he's not disappearing just yet," Aria adds, "He ain't got that pumpum yet. Niggas ain't gone leave before getting it, believe that."

"Well, I'm a done deal," you smirk, "But if he does leave, I'll just get another one. Now I know where they congregate"

Sunday passes with no contact. When Monday comes and goes, you start to wonder what happened. Did he hit a busy streak? Did something happen? Tuesday, he texts you.

Is it too soon to miss me?

You're at work, so you keep it short.

Of course not. Text me any time. I may not respond immediately, but I'll respond.

You sure?

Yes

Why would he need permission? Is that what was stopping him from reaching out? If so, you'd like to hear more about it. You wait until you get off work to check your messages again.

He's sent a paragraph about his day at work.

Alchemax acquired another property to place a testing site. One more step for gentrification. The director is on my ass and pushing me to run this unethical experiment on the volunteers. They think we're testing covid shots. If I told you half the shit, you'd run from me. Hell, you're probably on your way now. Anyway, that's my day. How's yours?

Oh, okay, you stare, processing what you've just read. So he's not just the hero. He's confessing that he's done some sordid things in the name of his job. You get it, but can you really accept that? Knowingly testing dangerous procedures on innocent people? It's a lot to consider. You'll have to sit with it.

Later that evening, you still wrestle, but you're coming to term with your thoughts.

I admit that's fucked up. I don't agree with experimenting on innocent and unexpecting people. I do think Miramax or Alchemax can go to hell. With that said, I understand that this is your job, so I can't fault you. Sucks for you, I'm not that easy to scare. You're stuck with me.

You had me worried.

His text is almost instant. In all honesty, you had to think about if you COULD stick around. That's a big thing to admit, but at the end of the day, it's not technically his fault. He's not calling the shots. That's what you tell yourself.

Since you're at home on the couch with a bottle of Fiji water, you decide to call.

"Preciosa?"

Damn. His accent's got you weak already.

"My day was good," you buckle. "I delivered some interesting news to a family who were happy to finally know what was different about their daughter. Turns out, she has Angelman syndrome, but it was my first time coming across it , so I was explaining something I'd literally just learned about."

"Sounds like you did them a great service. Like you said, knowing is everything. If you're not educating and planning, you're worrying, which then diminishes your mental health, making it harder for you to parent."

"Exactly... Do you know about Angelman's syndrome?"

"Seizures, a smaller head that's flat in the back, issues with balance and movement, and most notably, smiling for no apparent reason?"

"I should've asked you," you sigh. "How do you retain all of this?"

"Having a photographic memory helps."

"Ah. I'll check Amazon..."

The more the two of you converse, the more you glean. For example, he has a 9 year old daughter named Gabriella, who unfortunately passed nearly four years ago. It was a case of Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC), and he was devastated. Since then, he's been okay, but every so often, the grief hits. Working stops him from thinking about it? So he works long hours every day. He knows it's not healthy. It certainly helps you understand him more. A lot of things suddenly make sense about him.

"Can I tell you how much I hate Taco Bell," he says, changing the subject. You get it. It's painful to lose a child, and talking about it can be triggering.

"That dog food? They don't even have a line. That should tell you something right there."

"It's a god damn stroke in a wrapper and tastes like shit. Not to mention, it's literally horse meat."

"See, I stopped eating there years ago. It doesn't even taste like real beef."

You put the phone on speaker while you fix yourself a snack. Talking food makes you snackish. Of course, he hears the popcorn popping.

"Damn, Supersonic! Do you hear everything?"

"Pretty much."

Your eyes roll as you gently fold yourself back onto your couch with your bowl. It's getting late. You've been on the phone for over an hour, though it doesn't feel like it.

"So question."

"Answer," he responds.

"It's a different kind of question."

"Ask away."

"Ok. Would you consider yourself vanilla or experimental?"

"Definitely experimental. You?"

Ooh! "Explain," you smirk, curious.

"You first. Vanilla or experimental?"

"Definitely experimental."

"Oh I see."

Your jaw drops. "What do you see?"

"Just know I see," he says, a smile in his voice.

"Uh!... Now you have to elaborate!"

He chuckles.

"Miguel!"

"Preciosa?"

You kiss your teeth.

"Ask what you really want to ask."

"Kinks?"

"Yes..."

"Yes," you repeat, rolling your eyes. "Well, what are they."

"Mm... I enjoy quite a few things. I like being in control and directing the action. I like taking care of my submissive with guidance and rewarding her when she's a good girl. I like making her do humiliating things for my pleasure. And... I love it when she tries to escape me. Then I get to catch her and teach her a lesson. You?"

🤭 To be continued...

@dashhoney25 @lettidarawest @soufcakmistress @ljstraightnochaser @princessstevens-blog @eye-raq @thiccdaddy-mbaku @destinio1 @iamrheaspeaks @hidden-treasures21 @bidibidibombaclaat @forbeautyandlife @blowmymbackout @misspooh @thotyana-in-this-hoe @purplehairgawdess @thegucciwaffle @goddessofthundathighs @theegoldenchild @thadelightfulone @sultanabby @mysticalblackhottie @baekhyunbabybunni @fd-writes @richonne4life @tgigoldie @thehomierobbstark @capswife @blackpinup22 @harleycativy @lishabaybee @playgurlxoxo

#original #miguel fanfic #miguel spiderman #miguel x reader #miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x black reader #miguel o hara x reader #miguel o hara fanfic

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study-with-aura · 2 months

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Monday, April 8, 2024

(Posted on Tuesday) Monday had a lot going on, needless to say. We had our third Girl Scout meeting for our Citizen Scientist Journey, but it was because of the eclipse. We embarked on our citizen science project by recording the eclipse for NASA! It was the most amazing thing to watch too. We were in the path of totality, so it worked out really well. I don't know if I have ever seen something so beautiful when it went into totality and we were able to take our eclipse glasses off. Even watching it through the glasses go completely dark was incredible. And then when the sun came back out, that split second that told us to put our glasses back on, that too was stunning! We won't have another one until 2044, but I think we would have to travel for that one. I am so happy that we were able to experience it together as a troop. I love that we can make such breathtaking memories like this together.

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - Learned about two-way tables + practice + learned about probability with two-way tables + practice

Lit and Comp II - Copied Unit 23 vocabulary + read chapter 53 of Emma by Jane Austen

Spanish 2 - Presented questions and answers in Spanish to Dad (30/30) + reviewed vocabulary

Bible I - Read 1 Samuel 11-12

World History - Read about Holocaust notes + read different articles from the United States Holocaust Museum website

Biology with Lab - Read about bacterial growth + read about bacteria control and benefits

Foundations - Read more on thoroughness + took next quiz on Read Theory + read sample persuasive speech by Stephanie Cloward

Piano - Practiced for one hour

Khan Academy - None today

CLEP - None today

Streaming - Watched Greatest Events of World War II in Color episode 2

Duolingo - Studied for 15 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 277- 322 of Accountable: The True Story of a Racist Social Media Account and the Teenagers Whose Lives It Changed by Dashka Slater

Chores - Took the trash and recycling out

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (2 Timothy 2)

Girl Scout Citizen Science Project

Volunteered 2 hours at the library

Ballet

Contemporary

Journal/Mindfulness

#study blog #study inspiration #study motivation #studyblr #studyblr community #study community #study-with-aura

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eloeloanna · 6 days

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Random Tarot Questions

I asked @sleeper9 to help me with some random McLennon questions ❤️

In these questions we ASSUMED that all of it it's true 🤣 (just for fun, to know what kind of answers we could get).

ps. I think on Monday I will be able to do a Brian related reading ❤️❤️❤️

Did John want Paul to touch him more?

The cards start explaining how John felt touching Paul. It was joy. It was like he and Paul were meant to touch, it was perfect. He even felt pride of himself for "achieving" that. So obviously, he would still want to prolong that feeling, and keeping it to himself. Sometimes it was very difficult to talk about that. He had to "follow" the rules. And that made him want more. So yes, he wanted Paul to touch him more. It wasn't enough for him. It was never enough for him.

Did Paul want John to touch him more?

The cards start saying that Paul knew deeply that he liked that John touched him, but it was difficult to let himself be. It had to pass some time until he reciprocated, and he was very clear about what he wanted, but it seemed that it was too late (?, or something like that, because he had to "share" John with somebody else. He didn't like that at all. It was painful to see John touching somebody else, it was painful to not have the entirety of John touching HIM. It seems to me that Paul wanted John to touch him more but he didn't know how to ask, or didn't know what to do "next". He knew it wasn't the best scenario (having a relationship with "ups and downs"), but he really couldn't help it. He liked to be around him.

Did Paul like to be physically close with John?

The cards start telling me that for him this was very “dangerous” territory. Because there was a part of him that VERY much wanted to be physically close to John. He even knew that it was going to be SO good. He tried to avoid those thoughts even when chances would appear easily, and would make him feel miserable. I think after having a very clear chance, he decided to do something about it, even when it seemed difficult. It was the best sensation of it all, but it was like it wasn’t enough. I think he had other kind of expectations of this. So I think he liked every moment that he had near him, but was afraid of taking it “too far”, until he did it anyway and loved it 😭

What did Paul think of how his and John’s relationship was perceived?

I think Paul was aware of people “talking” about them, but he choose to make everyone believe that he didn’t care. He also knew that if people were saying “stuff” about them, well, it was because they would give a “reason” for them to talk. So he would even think “how” to show his love to John, but then he would think that it wasn’t worth it. He would never really like to love John in “other” (less) way. So he sucked it. And he just continued doing whatever he was doing with John in the way the liked it. Time to time he would think about these people, but also he would stay doing what he liked with John.

Did John ever want Paul to pet his hair?

Yes. He even thought that it would be “perfect”, but the thing is, he had to “follow” the rules, so it was difficult for that to happen. He liked the idea though. There was probably a chance for that to happen but he regretted it, and then there was another, but it was like it couldn’t fully happen. It had to pass a long time before they had another chance. But John thought that probably Paul didn’t feel the same, or didn’t like it that much. So he always craved it. He wanted more.

Did John like to be the top?

I think John liked to be a top, it was like, it was “his job”. He would figure it out 🤣. It was like, “ok, let’s do this” “I’ll try to do my best”. I think for him was scary the fact that maybe he liked this too much, and Paul probably wouldn’t feel the same. But he always thought of trying to make Paul feel very good, to have a good experience. I think he also liked to top to show his possessive tendencies 😭. He liked to think of Paul AS HIS. I think the aftermath, the feeling of “nothing happened” didn’t like it at all.

Did John like to bottom?

Yes. It turned him on. The thing is, he didn’t like to admit that. The good thing was that he knew that he was “connected” to Paul in that sense. Paul would know when he wanted to bottom. I don’t know how, but Paul would know 🤣. There is a thing here about vulnerability, I think it is the fact that he always was known as “the leader”, but here he was giving his authority to somebody else. Somebody as powerful as him. I think it would also confuse him in a identity level. Like he was losing himself in Paul. I think he let himself go being in this position, because Paul was always very good to him, so loving, so romantic, so giving, so he gave himself in, they had a good time, but it was very confusing to him.

Did Paul like to top?

I think when this happened it was confusing as fuck 🤣. But It was like Paul didn’t have a chance and had to work on something. He liked a lot being in charge and being praised for his “moves” 🤣. I think this opened a door, where Paul would think something like “shit, there are feelings too”!, and he really enjoyed it. But it was like it wasn’t enough. He NEEDED MORE.

Did Paul like to bottom?

I don’t know if he was comfy enough. I think in the beginning it was like “if I don’t do this I’m going to lose John”, I think it was actually scary for him. I think he could see that he was loved, but still wasn’t a easy topic for him.

#mclennon #random questions #tarot readings

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wonzn · 10 months

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Better (Park Jeongseong) 🎶

Voglio passare il resto della mia vita con te. L'amore è un viaggio non una destinazione ★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆𖦹✮₊ ⊹

Genre: Angst, Fluff

AU: University!au, Nonidol!au

Pairing: Ex!Jungwon x Reader, Brother’s Best Friend!Jay x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 7,671

Synopsis: Diving into your first long-term relationship was scary and the breakup left you traumatized, probably because it happened over text, and from then on you vowed to never wear your heart on your sleeve ever again, but a certain raven-haired male promised to change your perspective.

Your relationship with Jungwon wasn’t precisely the dreamy or ideal relationship you had hoped for but as someone who had almost no experience, put that and being a people pleaser together, and you have whatever is left of your so-called relationship.

It’s not like Jugwon was a bad person or anything the boy was quite the softy, so he’s probably just as overwhelmed as you are when it comes to dating. The latter part of the relationship consisted of you trying to understand him as best as you could, that was until inconsistencies started popping up a lot more.

Jungwon felt distant, he was more busy, despite the two of you being in the same major. At the beginning of your relationship, it was sweet and full of first times. Jungwon used to hold your hand, his other one holding your bag, as you would walk to the diner across campus and stay there for hours just talking about your day.

The soft gazes he’d give you whenever your eyes met, the flowers he’d give you on a random day, and the late-night calls wherein one of you ends up asleep. It was like a broken record that rewind itself during the late hours when you would start to question his love for you.

Those moments seem like old memories to you now as you see another apologetic text from your boyfriend. Another text where he promised to make it up to you and that he’d do better next time, it was starting to become a routine where you got stood up by him.

You wondered what on earth would keep your boyfriend so busy, especially when you both had ended up together because you took the same classes. You weren’t a slacker and always got your work done on time, so things weren’t adding up, especially when you both always tried to help one another.

The week after your midterms, you decided to visit your family and stay at home for a little bit. Your family lived thirty minutes away from campus and you honestly couldn’t bother to make a drive that long every day, so you opted to stay on campus to save time, but on occasion, you would suck it up for a few days whenever your dorm felt too tight. Today was one of those days, but it felt a lot worse than you’d like.

“Hey, I’m gonna go stay at my family’s for the weekend, and on Monday, just try not to make a mess here or anything.” You say to your roommate, Hanni, who nods without looking at you. Your roommate had an annoying habit of not looking at people whenever she was focused on her work, but you grew quite used to it and just shrugged it off after a few months.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I only ever have Minji or Wonyoung over so no mess and no broken belongings. Have fun and say hi to Jake for me if you see him will ya? Drive safe Y/n,” Hanni finally turns to you from her bed and you laugh.

Jake was a good brother and had a heart of gold, but you couldn’t handle your friends gushing over him in front of your face, it just felt weird when you grew up right beside him, the image of a younger Jake picking his nose suddenly registering itself into your brain as you cringed. You couldn’t care less about who he’d date though, it was none of your business anyway. As long as he doesn’t end up hurt or hurting anyone, your brother was free to be with who he liked.

“Sure, I’ll leave a word when I see him. Tell me if anything comes up, and now I’ll get going! Bye Hanni!” You picked up your backpack and made the short walk to your car, ready to go home and lay on your childhood bed, which was admittedly more comfortable than the one you had in the dorm.

You text Jungwon about going to your family’s place, and the boy follows up with a thumbs-up emoji and an ‘I love you, stay safe’ text. Your boyfriend didn’t have much to say anyway, and you were starting to grow bored with the way things were going.

He probably felt the same way and you couldn’t blame him when you couldn’t keep your mouth shut either, since you seemed to be the only one exerting effort at this point. He might even find you annoying now but didn’t have the heart to tell you because he was just that nice.

“Breaking up is honestly super tempting right now and I honestly can’t stand it anymore! It’s driving me mad, Jake” You whine as you stop at the intersection that leads into your neighborhood.

You didn’t mean to rub it in or anything, but you did live in a wealthier part of town, which explained the long drive home, and you were so glad to see the familiar area after a stressful trip. It just so happened that halfway through the drive, your poor brother had to endure fifteen minutes of your rambling like some counselor even though he simply just wanted to check up on you.

“Y/n, just break up with him then, simple. It’s been months since you started telling me about how bad it’s getting, and honestly, I’m horrified to hear about what else is to come once you get here. I love you so much, really I do, but this boy is full of empty promises and lies,” Jake sighs. The light turns green and you finally drive into your street, completely forgetting you were on the phone.

“Fuck don’t ignore me like that, I know how much you both liked your sweet puppy love phase, but get a grip Y/n. Jungwon is draining you, and he’s probably just as tired as you are. It’s time to stop hanging on that year you both had,” You pull into your driveway and click your tongue. Your brother was right, but you hated the thought of not having Jungwon around anymore. It was all easier said than done, especially when you felt incomplete without him.

“I see your ass in the driveway, mom and dad went out to get food so you have a fuck ton of explaining to do.” You see Jake in the window and laugh before honking at him, scaring the living daylights out of him in the process.

“I’ll be in, like five. Let me get my bag ok? And tell Layla I’m here, I missed her.” You turn the engine off and grab your bag from the back, a wave of comfort and warmth washing over your form as you look at the house.

“Anyways, I kind of want to break up with him because I think he’s tired of me and maybe I did become quite annoying. Unless I’m invalidating my feelings and gaslighting myself into thinking I’m the problem,” You go on.

At this point, it was past dinner time and you and Jake were in your room, dressed for bed and still talking about your problems. Poor Layla looked ready to curl up beside you and sleep but was forced to stay awake because of how miserable you were over some boy.

Jake grimaced and set down a makeshift bed for the poor dog to lie on before turning to look at you with a concerned expression. “I think the latter, but you can be the judge of that. Now-” Jake was cut off by your phone chiming and you turn to look at who on earth was texting you at one in the morning.

Your face turns pale as you look at the screen, and this automatically worries Jake, but his expression immediately hardens as he knows who it could be from. “It’s from him isn’t it?” You nod slowly, the tears starting to fall from your eyes, dripping down your cheeks and onto the comforter you were on.

From: Woniee🐈

I think we need to break up. This relationship is holding me back and it’s starting to feel like a chore, I’m sorry I couldn’t do enough for you Y/n. I started to grow bored and you irritated me to no end, I don’t even think we would work even if we tried. This is my last goodbye to you, I’m sorry again that it had to end this way but I’m still young and feel like I’m not ready for something as serious as this.

You showed Jake the message, only then realizing that your number was also blocked, preventing you from saying anything more. You were shocked, your mouth hanging wide open as sobs started to come out. A year, a year went to waste with the person you thought would understand you best, the person you thought would hold your heart close to his, only for him to break it. The person who did the most and still managed to disappoint you.

Jake held you close and you cried into his chest, Layla was suddenly on the bed licking your face and the world fell still at that exact moment. The moment you vowed to never trust anyone with your heart ever again.

You were a mess the rest of the semester following the text, crying on the couch the entire weekend as Jake tried to console you, along with your oldest brother, but nothing worked. You did go to class as normal, but you completely shut everyone out and limited socializing to only your family and roommate until after finals.

Your break was coming up, and you were honestly relieved, to say the least. Hanni was on the other side of the room getting ready to go home to see her family as well, packing up everything on her side in the process, but then you hear her huff as a pillow hits your head, interrupting the silence that was shared.

“What the fuck Pham?” You whined, taking the pillow and hugging it. Hanni plants herself on the spot next to you, you look at her with a frown as she laughs.

“I’m gonna miss you roomie, but I’ll visit you often next year. Now stop frowning, Jungwon was an idiot for breaking up with you. How you managed to get through the rest of the semester, I will never know, but you should go put yourself out there again! There’s bound to be another guy ready to treat you better, so stop moping ok? I know it’ll be hard, but I promise it’s not that bad. Have a bit of fun with it,” You pout at Hanni’s words.

She was right, but the breakup over text fiasco left you traumatized. Jungwon wasn’t the best boyfriend, and you both had your moments, but you weren’t ready to trust someone again just yet. What if it ends the same way, or even worse? What if you were too boring? Questions swirl through your mind but Hanni snaps you out of it.

“Hey, take it easy. Let’s hang out over break, just us girls showing Jungwon what he’s missing out on! Can you believe he left you? You’re a gem Y/n, a lot more people want you than you think. Now hurry up and pack the rest of your things!” You take in Hanni’s words and nod.

It would be hard, but taking baby steps and meeting new people wouldn’t hurt. No rushing into serious connections just yet.

When you got home that day, you were happy enough to lay on your bed once again, all worries and concerns gone for the next few months. Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door and see Jake walking in. You raise your eyebrow at him and Jake chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I was wondering if maybe we can hang out? Like all of your friends and mine,” Jake looks down and plays with his fingers nervously. You were confused by his proposal but urged him to continue.

“Look, I like Hanni and Sunghoon has a huge crush on Wonyoung. Can you at least help us? Please? Look, I’ll take you shopping and even buy you food if I have to,” Your brother sounded like he was pleading almost so you really couldn’t help but feel bad.

“Jake it’s ok, I’ll take you up on the shopping, now give me a date so I can tell the girls.” You smiled softly. Jake punches the air and you laugh at his antics, you knew Hanni also had the biggest crush on him so setting them up would be a breeze. Wonyoung was a mystery you had yet to uncover though.

“I barely know your friends though, like I’ve seen Heeseung but who the hell is Sunghoon and how does he know about Wony?” Jake lies down beside you on the bed and opens his phone, showing you a picture of him and two other guys.

Jake then starts pointing out the two new faces to you. The lean and prince-looking one was Sunghoon and the broader, expensive-looking guy was named Jay. You couldn’t help but pay much more attention to Jay, he was really attractive and you wanted to get to know him.

“Anyways, they’re the two new people in my frat. They’re super cool and like-” “Are you gonna bring Jay?” You cut him off mid-sentence, still in awe at Jay. Jake’s brows knit and he rolls his eyes at you whilst you stick your tongue out at him.

“What happened to not dating? Come on Y/n, be serious,” You slap Jake’s face jokingly, the male shouting from beside you. You didn’t want to get your heart broken again, but putting yourself out there wouldn’t hurt, as long as it didn’t get too serious, you were going to be ok.

“Shut up, it’s not like it’s gonna be a super serious thing just yet. Jay looks hot ok, I just wanna get to know him, have a little fun and get a bit of attention again,” You were ass at lying, so Jake could only laugh at you.

“I trust you with him, Jay’s a very reserved guy if that’s important to you. He’s also super single because he’s waiting for the right person,” Jake smirks at you.

Reserved? Waiting for the right person? On top of all that he’s cute and your brother trusts him with you? It sounded too good to be true. You were happy for a moment, but doubts started to cloud your mind once again. He sounded like a good guy, but how long until he becomes like Jungwon and gets bored of you? It was starting to scare you again.

“Jake, I don’t know-” Your brother gives you a serious look and sits up.

“I hope you understand that he’s not Jungwon, Y/n. Not all relationships are going to be like your last unless you try to take that leap. I promise you, he’s not a bad guy. Like, if he hurts you, I’ll hurt him because you mean a lot to me” You nod at Jake, finally thinking positively and securely. Not everyone is going to be like Jungwon, you knew that, but your memories and feelings for the boy held you back.

“Now, how does nineteenth sound?” Jake asks. You text your friends, immediately getting the green light from the three of them, Hanni sounding the most excited.

“Perfect, and your girlfriend is just as excited as you are,” Jake’s face turns into a deep red before he runs out of your room in embarrassment, yelling something along the lines of planning the perfect outfit. You guessed it was probably to impress Hanni anyway, so you didn’t question him.

The silence of your room welcomes you once again and you are back into your thoughts. Jay sounded like a guy who would take someone seriously, maybe it’s just what you needed because guys your age didn’t have that much to go off of.

He was Jake approved, and you told yourself that a million times, only because Jake hadn’t approved of anyone else but Jay. Jungwon could get past your parents and oldest brother, but not Jake, so it was an odd situation to be in.

“I’ll figure it out later, right now, I need to sleep.” You put your phone off to the side and close your eyes. Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure everything out once the nineteenth rolls around, both Jake and Hanni did say similar things, so maybe those two had a point. ‘No wonder they like each other, they’re the same person,’ you thought as the sleep took over.

Two days had passed and the dreaded day had rolled around much quicker than you had anticipated. As you put on light makeup, your friends are in the background screaming at each other throughout the entirety of your Facetime call because you all decided that it was a good idea to get ready together.

“Hanni, it’s Jake! He’s like Y/n’s male version so you don’t need to freak out that much! Now Y/n, show us the fit. You’re the only one who didn’t show us yet!” Wonyoung whined over the phone.

“I’m wearing a gray long-sleeved, asymmetrical knit top, black skirt, and combat boots. For hair, I’m leaving it down and wavy, I don’t care much,” You say softly.

The girls suddenly burst out laughing as you put on your outfit, they didn’t seem to believe you one bit when you said you didn’t care because they knew you genuinely did care.

“Guys come on, Jay is approved by my brother! How can I not care? I know I’m still scared because of the whole Jungwon fiasco but can you blame me?” Your friends hum in agreement until you hear the door behind you open.

“Y/n— Are you calling your friends right now? We’re leaving in a minute because Jay’s driving so hurry your ass up will you. Also hi Hanni! Hi Wony and Minji,” Jake grins stupidly. You roll your eyes at your brother for obviously singling Hanni out and tell your friends that you were going to see them in a bit.

“Bye, Y/n! Have fun looking at your new boy toy driving, already a huge upgrade from Jungwon!” Wonyoung laughs. You end the Facetime call with a roll of your eyes before turning to look at Jake with an eyebrow raised. Jake puts his hands up defensively before you both hear a car honking outside.

“Jay’s here, grab your bag, and let’s go!” You huff as Jake rushes you, he was practically itching to see his crush, and embarrassingly enough, you too were excited to meet Jay and Sunghoon.

With your bag in hand, along with your phone, you finally follow Jake outside and see a Range Rover of the latest model in black. Damn, Jay was in a different league that was for sure.

Jake opens the door for you as you head in. You see Heeseung riding shotgun and Sunghoon in the back smiling at you. “Y/n! So happy to see you again, I think this is your first time meeting Jay and Sunghoon,” Heeseung says from the front.

You squeeze in the center comfortably and nod. Sunghoon was cute, he greeted you politely and was very friendly, but when your eyes met Jay’s, you suddenly became quite flustered. He held a sharp gaze, the watch on his wrist not helping you in the slightest.

“The shopping center downtown right?” Jake nods at Jay’s words, his voice causing you to flush. You prayed to whoever was up there that you would at least survive the day because the tension in the car with him was enough to drive you nuts.

“So Y/n, how’s that thing with Jungwon?” You freeze up when Heeseung suddenly brings up your ex, but you forgot not everyone knew about the devastating breakup over text.

“We broke up over text...” You reply awkwardly. Heeseung gasps as your brother face palms, he knew better than anyone not to bring up Jungwon during the time you were still trying to move on.

“Hee, give her a break. Sounds like it must’ve been rough, sorry about that. He seems like a shitty boyfriend, breaking up with you over text? Are you sure this isn’t a sitcom Y/n?” Jay speaks up as he looks at you from the rearview mirror. You feel your cheeks heat up slightly, nodding in embarrassment, but for some reason, you were shocked at Jay’s words.

Wow, he did describe Jungwon in a way you wouldn’t ever dare to. His bluntness snapped you right back to reality and you could hear Sunghoon chuckle from beside you. “What’s so funny Sunghoon?” You raise a brow at the boy.

“Jay hasn’t gotten this worked up over anything in a while, it’s crazy that he’s already scrutinizing your ex based on how you broke up,” Sunghoon explains. Jay glares at him and huffs, looking so done and just ready to explain himself.

“Listen, in my personal opinion, I think breaking up with a long-term partner over text is stupid and a cowardly move. There were so many other ways he could have gone about it but over text? At least call or something instead, it’s super disrespectful towards your partner to leave them hanging without proper closure.” Your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets upon hearing the reason behind his agitation.

So far, Jay was seriously proving you wrong the more he opened his mouth to say something, but you still weren’t ready because what if he’s even worse? The feeling still lingers and it’s almost like the ghost of your ex is not letting you go just yet.

“Jay’s right, I thought you both had something to be fair. Seeing how puppy love was just a phase makes me think I was quite wrong, you deserve better. Like Jay here for example! He’s very single and is looking for the right person, which could be you.” Heeseung jokingly says.

You notice Jay’s ears turn red as he pulls into the shopping center. The car was suddenly filled with an awkward silence, and everyone was stunned at the oldest’s proposition. You and Jay just met, what was he on about you being his possible partner? It was crazy.

After Jay had parked his car, you all made your way toward your designated meeting spot. You could see Jake and Sunghoon freeze up upon seeing Hanni and Wonyoung, causing a laugh to make its way out of your throat.

“Y/n! Over here!” The girls beckoned you over as you purposely ran in their direction to tease the guys. It was a day to bring them together was it not? Yet you also took the opportunity to tease the boys as you wished. It was pretty funny to look at their reactions knowing they liked your friends.

“Hi guys, these are my dogs, Jake and Heeseung. The newbies are Sunghoon and, Jay” You say with a pause. Your friends squeal wildly at the mention of Jay’s name, shoving you with their elbows as you all laugh.

“Sunghoon’s kinda cute actually, is he single by any chance?” Wonyoung smirks, eyeing the male up and down. You giggle and nod, your friend had no idea that the said boy was here for her, which made your job of setting them up much easier.

“Oh don’t worry, you’ll know in a bit. For now, let’s all focus on having fun today shall we?” You sling your hand over Hanni’s shoulder, not noticing Jay’s intense stare at your form. Jake and Sunghoon notice the action, causing the two of them to nudge the boy playfully.

“Bro, go shoot your shot. There’s very much tension between the two of you, I hope you know that” Jake laughs. Jay shakes his head at his words softly, there was no way he was going to overstep a boundary, even if it was Jake himself encouraging it.

You notice the boys talking amongst themselves but decide to shrug it off, they were probably planning their moves on your friends, but how do you tell them that they didn’t even need to try that much? They all seemed to like each other after all.

Between Sunghoon and Jake’s continuous pestering, Jay had felt your gaze on them, causing his cheeks to grow hot. You were really pretty, and that goes without saying, but you had just gotten out of something long-term.

The time needed to heal you first, or at least that’s what he thought, since his mom had always taught him to be patient with the ones he loved or cared about.

“Give her time guys, I don’t think I can just rush in like that. Y/n came out of a slightly traumatizing event, so if you jump right in, it will only push the person away further. I should be friends with her at most while we’re still getting to know each other,” Jay makes eye contact with you and notices how you quickly avoid his eyes.

The day had gone by quite smoothly since then, each of you dispersing into little pairs after a while because your friends couldn’t seem to help themselves, which is what lead you to where you were now. In a store, with Jay, picking out clothes for him to try on. You had nothing better to do anyway, so why not style your brother’s hot friend, even though Jay himself already had impeccable fashion taste?

You bite your lip as you focus on the outfit, imagining what it would look like on Jay and how you could coordinate everything. Jay thought it was cute how much thought you had decided to put in when you were only doing this for fun, so he ultimately decided to buy the outfit once he was done trying it on.

“Here, sorry I took so long. I haven’t styled anyone since my ex and my older brother, so this is the best you’re gonna get for now,” You handed him the items in your arms and pushed him toward the fitting rooms, eager to see how well you did.

“It’s no problem because you did put the time and effort into styling me, I might go ahead and buy it if it does end up looking good,” Jay smiles at you softly. He was sweet, you had to be honest. It wasn’t like Jungwon had noticed you putting effort into styling him so a little acknowledgment made your heart swell.

“You don’t have to, I kind of play around with it. I bet you will look good since you seem like you’d look good in anything” You admit shyly.

Jay was fun to be around, even if it was your first time meeting, you already felt as if you had known the boy for a while. All around Jay was just considerate and one of the best people you could’ve ever met.

“Yeah, yeah. Let me go try this on now, otherwise, I’d be too distracted looking into your eyes. Give me a minute and I’ll show you how it looks,” You nod as Jay closes the curtain, only then taking in what he had said to you. He was not being serious but was smooth with how he flirted with you.

A minute had gone by and you heard Jay call your name, so you made your way over, only to find your heart nearly falling out of your ass the moment you saw him. He looked, good, great even, and you couldn’t help but stare.

Jay adorned a black sleeveless shirt underneath a black denim jacket, adding detail by buttoning the bottom of it, and black jeans. It was a really simple outfit, but you had to admit, he did tie the whole look together.

“How does it look? I think you did well honestly, I’d buy the entire outfit right now. Let me go change so we can go meet up with the others” Jay smiles. You were amazing at what you did, it impressed him how you were able to pull such an outfit together in just a few minutes.

“I think it looks great, I’m flattered you like it so much that you’d actually buy it right now. Maybe I can style you again if there is a next time?” You reply shyly. You couldn’t meet Jay’s eyes because he looked that good.

From that moment on, Jay made it his mission to heal your heart and prove to you that you deserved a second chance at being treated better. He had come to your house quite often and taken you out a few times, so much to the point that everyone around you started noticing that you both were almost always with each other.

“You know what, this is the happiest I’ve seen you. Your relationship with Jungwon started to strain and you had become more dull and miserable, but being around Jay gave you a new kind of glow for some reason,” Minji quips. You tilt your head in confusion, you liked his company but you hadn’t noticed any other changes.

“He’s great, but I’m still hesitant. You know how I am, like I get he’s not Jungwon, but who knows how everything would play out in the long run?” You say sadly. Jay was amazing, he respected your wishes not to have a relationship, but still treated you well or in his words, ‘courting’, something people don’t do much these days.

He was attentive, took care of you well, and would always be there for you no matter what. He truly was the real definition of being ‘one call away’. This was all so new to you, even being courted was something totally out of the ordinary.

“Y/n, he’s courting you. Not enough people willingly do that these days, so you have the guy wrapped around your finger. He’s patiently waiting for an answer from you, like do you remember everything you’ve told us?” Wonyoung huffs out from above you as she was doing your hair.

It was girl’s night and you had decided to bring up your worries and updates to your friends, but you had forgotten the fact that you had also told them about your escapades with Jay. From where you would go to what you did, down to the time he took you home, and if Jake truly did approve of him.

“Did Jungwon ever actually think about how you felt in a certain situation? You know besides you telling him it’s ok and all? Usually being together with someone for over a year would allow you to read them better, but Jungwon barely knew your little habits. Hanni took them in after a month of knowing you, which is concerning. Now on to Jay, what did he say that one time?” Minji snaps her fingers and you instantly knew what she was talking about.

You came home one day and had gone the whole day without eating. You were out with your parents and they hadn’t considered if you were hungry or not since they were busy and had already eaten, so when you got home, you quietly slipped next to Jay in the living room after seeing the guys watching a movie.

“Hey, you’re home. How was spending the day with your parents?” Jay whispers from beside you. You shrug and he gives you a look that encourages you to tell him more.

“I hadn’t eaten anything, but honestly it’s ok now since I’m not hungry at all…” You trail off. Jay shakes his head and takes his phone out, but you go over to stop him. He shouldn’t spend anything on you, and you already told him weren’t hungry so you felt as if you were only hassling him.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” You see your favorite restaurant on the delivery app on his phone and blush. He remembered your favorite restaurant and order? That was sweet of him.

“No it’s ok I can manage,” You pretend not to see him already inputting the order and paying for it, but you still couldn’t help it when your stomach growled loudly. Jay raises a brow at you as you chuckle awkwardly.

“I’m getting you food, I know you’re hungry” Jay laughs. You hit his shoulder but thank him gratefully for even thinking of you, it was a small gesture but it meant a lot.

“How about that time he got you flowers for no reason?” Hanni says while laughing. You roll your eyes, she was the first person you had freaked out to over the phone because Jay had gotten you a bouquet of roses on a random Thursday with Jake.

“What’s this?” You ask as Jay sets down a bunch of fresh roses wrapped in brown paper on the counter in front of you. Jake and Jay had just gotten back from grocery shopping for your mom and then Jay comes back with flowers, of course, you would be confused.

“I got you flowers because we saw them on the way out.” Jay started taking out the groceries from the bags as Jake walked in with the last batch from the car. You flick your brother’s forehead, but the older male could only smirk and laugh at you.

“Why? There’s no occasion,” You try to excuse, but you couldn’t hide how flustered you were. Jay thought of you while they were out? He did mean it when he said he wanted to treat you better.

“Can I not get you flowers even if there’s no occasion? Y/n, you don’t need to ask or have a reason to receive flowers, I hope you know that. I’m surprised this hadn’t been done for you more often than not” Jay’s back was still turned toward you, which you were thankful for because you probably looked like a tomato at that moment.

That night poor Hanni had to endure an earful from you, just because Jay was a great guy who treated you the way you deserved. Thinking back at those moments, you could only see the good in Jay, so you wanted your friends’ approval. He was already brother and parent-approved so that only left your best friends.

“Well, do you guys think I should finally give him an answer? It’s been a few months, and even if I am scared, I can’t let this chance go.” Wonyoung finishes up your hair and pats your head, signaling her answer. You look at the others, who only grin at you and you laugh.

“Y/n, he’s been a green flag since the beginning. It’s a good opportunity knowing he’s the type that’s ready to settle down,” Hanni also brings up.

Jake had always emphasized that Jay was a date-to-marry and long-term relationship kind of guy, which makes sense as to why you were one of the first people he had ever been serious with when it came to dating.

“You guys are always the best, I’m glad everyone around me approves. I mean, I won’t know until I try right?” Minji hugs you and you sigh in content.

You were finally moving on, you were finally healing. It felt fulfilling in a sense, and knowing you were finally starting a new chapter with a great person, you felt as though your life was finally turning out for the better.

After a chaotic girls’ night, you had called up Jay to meet you at your favorite cafe that the two of you frequented. You were quite nervous, to say the least, but you were ready to take this huge step of moving on with the person who treated you right.

You hear the bell of the cafe chime, and you finally see the person you were expecting. Jay walked in, his hair down in its usual state, and in a black and white outfit. Your heart raced at how good he looked, he always did look his best whenever he came to see you, and you always appreciated the effort.

Jay spots you and walks over with a wide smile. He was always so damn charming, you couldn’t believe he was all yours. He pulls out the seat in front of you and plops on it, his attention fully on you. ‘Attentive as always, I don’t deserve you,’ you thought.

“You wanted to talk?” Jay finally breathes out. You nod and take his hands in yours, you were going to tell him how you finally felt because he deserved an answer. He had already done so much for you, the least you could do was show him that all his efforts were finally paying off.

“I think I’m ready to give you my answer. The past few months you had decided to court me and I’m thankful you were patient enough to wait for my answer. You’ve proved to me that relationships aren’t limited to how I and my ex went about ours and that if a guy wanted to do something, he would. So my answer is yes, I’ll be your girlfriend, Jay.” You look up at him, only to see Jay suddenly grinning like an idiot.

He was elated, he finally got the answer he was waiting for and you saying yes only made it a hundred times better. Jay knew how much your last relationship had affected you, so he only made it a point to court you, knowing you weren’t ready for a commitment just yet. He wanted you to be ready for him to love you and treat you the way you deserved, so he didn’t push it and waited for you to come around on your own, which you did.

“You have no idea how happy and relieved I am to hear you say that. Y/n, I’m so glad you gave me the chance to really love you and care for you. I’m glad you gave me the chance to prove myself to you. I promise I will not hurt you in any way at all, and I promise to be as communicative as possible with my feelings so that you don’t end up in the dark. I want you to know everything because you deserve it,” Jay breathes out, not breaking his gaze on you.

“Jay, you’re amazing. I don’t know what else to say. The past few months I’d been so scared to love again, to give a relationship another chance, but you’ve proved me wrong and even waited for me to be ready. You don’t understand how much that means to me,” You continue to fidget with his hands, but then he suddenly takes yours and places a kiss on your knuckle.

You blush at the action, you weren’t used to feeling or receiving this kind of affection since it had been quite some time, but with Jay, you weren’t afraid of anything, because you trusted him as much as he trusted you.

Needless to say, even months after you had given Jay an answer, he remained the same and still acted like he was courting you. The only difference? He was finally your boyfriend and you were finally his girlfriend. You felt how serious he was about you when he had even introduced you to his parents, and they were just as lovely as their son was.

“Mom wants to go shopping with us on her birthday this weekend, I told her I would take her on a birthday date but she insisted you come along. She really loves you that much already,” Jay chuckles as he walks into your room, fresh out of the shower. You laugh, his mom was the sweetest person, and you finally understand where your boyfriend gets it from.

“I’m totally down if she’d like, but you’re not getting me anything ok? You already spoil me enough and I don’t want you to spend too much–” You squeal as you felt Jay’s arms around you, the two of you falling flat on the bed.

Before you two could move from your position, you heard a knock at your door. It was Jake, and you immediately pull away from Jay once you see him, still flustered and embarrassed from Jay’s previous action. “Hey, if you two are going to be in the house, at least have some decency while I’m here!” Your brother whines.

You laugh and see him let Layla in the room. She had been with Jake the whole day, so you and your siblings usually took turns spending time with the dog. You were the sibling in Layla’s night shift, meaning you had to take Layla in for the night since she liked sleeping in your room.

You thank Jake for letting Layla in and bid your brother goodnight. Once the door closed, you looked over to see your boyfriend on the floor with Layla on her back.

“Hey, that’s literally my dog! Layla, you can’t just steal my boyfriend like that, and Jay you can’t just do that to my child!” You joke. They looked perfect, and suddenly you start to imagine what your little family with Jay would look like.

Jay was the perfect partner to settle with, after all, he was caring and dependable, but also super honest and was not afraid to show or express how he felt. He just knew whenever you weren’t up to do something, or if something was bothering you.

“Is something wrong?” Jay noticed that were more quiet than usual today because you almost always told him about your day. He noticed how your smile hadn’t reached your eyes and how you were fidgeting with your fingers more.

“It’s nothing” You try to brush it off, but truthfully, you weren’t doing well. You just didn’t have the strength to let him know or the strength to explain how you felt, all you wanted to do was rest and go to sleep.

“Y/n, you can tell me anything ok? Be as open as you want to be, I’m always here for you and will not judge you no matter what. If you don’t have the energy to tell me, it’s ok. Just rest here” You feel his arms being wrapped around you as he strokes your hair. The action was small but it had helped you ease up a lot.

“It’s hard Jay, I don’t know how to deal with everything. I don’t have the energy to really stress over anything right now,” You whisper softly. Jay rocks you back and forth, still playing with your hair as he places kisses on your forehead.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, I hope you know that I’m proud enough that you decide to wake up every day and do everything with a smile, even if the world has wronged you. You’re so brave and amazing Y/n, please do not ever doubt yourself” Jay replies.

“Jay, you don’t understand how much your words have helped me” You kiss him softly. You felt so lucky to have him, he was beyond the best partner you had ever been blessed with.

“Jay, could I ask you something?” You say suddenly. The two of you were at his parent’s place since Jay had decided to take you to his dad’s resort in Brunei as a gift for your four-month anniversary.

“Mhm?” He hummed, putting down a plate of food on the coffee table in the living room, and sitting next to you on the couch.

“Why haven’t we said I love you to each other at any point in our relationship just yet? The others have asked me about it, but I just can’t come up with an answer to get them to leave me alone,” you whine. Jay laughs and kisses your cheek gently.

“Tell them that saying I love you isn’t easy when it comes to us, you haven’t said it either so we’re simply making sure that I can say it when the time is right. It’s not that I don’t or anything, but those words aren’t exactly an easy thing to just pop out there. The time will come when we can both say it meaningfully. Right now, we are still early into our relationship and have a lot to learn, I hope you understand where I’m coming from” he tells you.

It wasn’t that hard to understand what he meant. Jay had always been more careful, even if he didn’t say I love you, he still affirmed you and expressed his love for you in his actions.

Loving someone still came in many forms, so the words I love you could wait because they should come from a place where you both fully understand and can comprehend how meaningful the three words are.

“I honestly think the same way, in a sense, I’m glad you’re honest about how you feel because I’ve been in a place wherein I was pressured into doing the action just because it was normal for everyone else, but not all of us are the same. Thank you, Jay, you’re always the best with words.” Jay hugs you and you both sigh in content.

He wanted to treat you better, and he did. He wanted to show you better, and he expressed it in the best way possible.

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rothjuje · 1 year

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Two more chains that are missing here are Jamba Juice and Cold Stone. Cold Stone wasn’t super popular in Texas, but there was one at my favorite shopping center in Plano. Jamba was there too, so I got them both often enough (there happened to be a Jamba Juice just 13 minutes from our house in Texas but I didn’t realize it was there until we had already lived there for years).

When I lived in Santa Cruz, CA Jamba Juice and Cold Stone were my favorite, and where I’d meet up with friends. Until we got a Yogurtland and Target that is. Ugh, I miss home. I might go shopping closer to the city tomorrow and I might drag my friend to a supposed Jamba Juice and a random Cold Stone.

I fell asleep at 9:30 (I usually have to fight myself to fall asleep before midnight) and now I’m up with all the anxious energy. Of course.

It was kind of a weird week. I took Gen to a couple classes Monday, and she seemed a little feral compared to the other kids. Definitely more energetic. Preschool will be so good for her next year, even if she’s only going T/Th. I decided to take away her paci cold turkey (it was only for nighttime but then she begged for it all day long and I couldn’t handle the tantrums anymore). I also took a side off her crib because she’s ready even though she wasn’t excited about it. She is one stubborn kid.

George has been sleeping like crazy for two weeks now. He’s been eating nonstop and is so tired, growth spurt? There was an incident at school where a kid pushed him over while he was quietly playing and he hit his eye on a chair. I was in a class with Gen, phone on silent when the school was frantically trying to get ahold of me. It really wasn’t that bad, I think it just was swollen because of the location. And I know which kid did it and it was an impulse control thing and not a bullying thing but it still made me sad, because George has such a gentle soul. That’s the worst part about parenting, that you can’t protect your kids forever, that you have to send them out into the world and hope for the best. I don’t worry about Gen (she is fierce and can protect herself), and I don’t worry about Alyssa anymore (she has really come into her own) but I will probably always worry about George.

Alyssa is officially literate. She typed Jo Jo into a search bar today, and I love how that is my indicator for her literacy lol. She can read beginners books and whenever she struggles to sound out a word she goes “this is a trick word, mom.” She’s such a cool kid. Really caring and gentle with her siblings and their peers. So creative and fun. She’s got this infectious energy, and I hope she always has it and doesn’t let the world dull her shine.

I’ve reached that point in friendship with my Jewish friends where we know each other so well we can have all the real conversations. They brought dinner over a couple times while Justin was traveling for work and it was so nice to have company, they’re good eggs.

I saw neighbor and fam a bunch this past week too. We actually had breakfast and dinner at their house yesterday lol, they’re also good eggs. I love all my people.

No one warned me that there would be so many days with partial snow cover. I’d say we’ve had at least a month where our front and side yards are covered in snow but the swing set area and sled hill are a soggy, muddy mess. It makes taking the kids out to play kind of miserable, because options are pretty limited.

I’m so excited to have Justin home all weekend long. He was gone half the weekend the last two weekends, and will be again the next two weekends. I’m excited for March and all the visits and birthdays and parties, but I’m also excited for April when everything will simmer down.

And spring. Spring! We’ve had some amazing sunny days recently. I am so excited to experience spring here. And get to work on all my outdoor projects. I can’t believe June will be a year since we moved to Massachusetts. What a wild ride it’s been.

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shippaidan · 2 years

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no one says that they are afraid of love as beautifully as you do

>>chapter: five >>pairings: chuuya x fem!reader | dazai x fem!reader >>genre: angst >>status: ongoing >>words: 4,8k (that's a long one) >>cw: spoilers, she/her pronouns for reader, swearing, alcohol, mention of vomiting, mentions of death/suicide

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a/n okaay so since it's my birthday today, I decided to post new chapter yeehaw also I'm going out this weekend so I'll probably start posting requests on sunday/monday! sorry for the delay!

REGRET.

As expected, everything went exactly according to his plan. The freezing wall chilled his back, his hands were chained with thick shackles, and his spine was a little sore from being in the same position for a long time. It was not the most comfortable experience, that's for sure, but there had been worse. And besides, who was he to complain? He was just a kidnapped man.

After rather unpleasant confrontation with his former subordinate, he intensely analyzed the entire situation he found himself in and decided on the best possible steps he could take. However, the sound of footsteps snapped him out of his contemplations. Elegant shoes appeared in his line of sight, and the echo of the steps seemed to pound into his brain.

"Well well well, who do we have here? Plotting as usual?" That voice. That fucking voice. The familiar man stood in full view at the bottom of the stairs, at which Dazai rolled his eyes.

"Dammit,” he muttered.

"Dazai Osamu." Chuuya spat out with a hint of disgust in his voice. To be completely honest, he was definitely the last person Dazai wanted to see, but deep inside he was expecting this visit. He would never let such an opportunity pass him by.

"Oh, the same old Chuuya. How nice to see you here." Dazai sent him a bitter smile. "What brings you to my humble abode? Forgive the mess, I haven't had time to decorate yet."

"I only came to see you as a sad little prisoner. It is better than I could have expected." Chuuya walked closer to the cuffed man and glared at him with despising eyes. The amount of emotion that filled his body seemed to boil from his intense gaze. Rage, betrayal, hatred. A kaleidoscope of feelings shimmered in his irises as he slowly approached Dazai. Until they came face to face with each other.

"Did you miss me so much that you decided to visit me in my misery? Do you want to look into my eyes one last time before I am sentenced to death? How romantic." The wicked smile did not leave his face.

"Listen here, you may be able to fool Akutagawa, but not me." Chuuya walked even closer to Dazai and with a brutal motion grabbed his hair, clenching his fist tightly and pulling downward. With an intense and also a little bit sad gaze, he stared straight into the almost empty eyes of a former friend. "What kind of sick game are you playing now?"

"Playing? I've been captured and am awaiting execution as a traitor of Port-"

"Cut the crap. The Dazai I know would never get caught through bad luck or carelessness. If you were that stupid, I would have killed you long ago.” Chuuya clenched his fist even tighter in his hair. Holding back in this situation required inhuman amounts of patience and self-control, but he had no intention of losing his cool until he knew the real reason for Dazai's reappearance. The stakes were too high, and Dazai was far too dangerous as a player in this game.

"You overthink things too much, Chuuya. But you've always had a bad habit of doing that." Dazai sent him a sly smile, at which Chuuya scowled and let go of a fistful of hair. Every word coming out of his mouth made him nauseous. "I know you like the back of my hand, Chuu. After all, I wouldn't be such a good partner if I didn't know you, would I?"

"Fucking bullshit. Don’t change the subject." Chuuya grunted with annoyance.

"It’s honestly really nice to see that you haven't changed a thing. I bet you are still just a passive observer of your own life, accepting all the logs that fate throws at your feet? Am I right?"

"Oh, shut your mouth already and stop playing dumb. Why did you let yourself get caught? What are you looking for here?” Chuuya was slowly losing patience. Dazai's mere presence was getting on his nerves to the point that with the remaining strength he restrained himself from punching him. With every second of looking at his stupid smirk, memories of her face contorted from suffering ran through his mind. Her bitter tears, broken bottles and nights sat in the bathroom, holding her hair and stroking her back while she threw up the entire contents of her stomach. Chuuya hated Dazai for how much he made her suffer. He hated him with all his heart.

"The main reason is Atsushi."

"Atsushi?" The unfamiliar name caught Chuyua off guard. For a long time, something inside told him that maybe Dazai had come back for her after all. Maybe he had come back to shatter their little heaven they had carefully built over the past months. That would be something that would suit him perfectly. Thus, Dazai's answer both surprised and somewhat calmed him down. Now he got curious. „Who’s Atsushi?”

"That weretiger you're so obsessed with."

"Ah, that guy?” Chuuya waved his hand. "I'm not a part of this whole kidnapping thing. Akutagawa is in charge. I don't have any details."

"Then why were you so bothered by the fact that I'm here? Why else would I-" Suddenly, everything came together in Dazai's head. He laughed quietly, realizing the whole reason for his former partner's visit. His irritation, nervousness and suspicion. It all began to make sense. "Ah I can see what's going on here."

"What are you talking about, shithead?" Chuuya frowned. He definitely didn't like either Dazai's tone or expression painted on his face.

"It's not nice to play dumb like that when moments earlier you accused me of it." Dazai shook his head with mock disapproval. He sighed loudly and continued. "What a plot twist. The side character of his own life finally got the girl. That doesn't happen very often. You should be proud of yourself.”

"What the fuck are you-" Taken aback, Chuuya tried to interrupt him, but Dazai didn't seem to care.

"Don’t worry, I’m not here to take her away from you. I don’t want her. Although I am a little bit curious about how she would react if she saw me down here. I wonder if she would drop everything and run into my arms. What do you think?” He continued his vicious flood of taunting words, not quite sure why he reacted so violently. Why this thought affected him so much. Why imagining her at Chuuya's side felt so... wrong. So he threw out the worst words he could muster, though he wasn't sure if he wanted to fool himself with them or hurt someone in revenge. Maybe both. Maybe he wanted to hurt himself the most.

"Oi, shut up before you say too much. You don't even know what you're talking about." Chuuya felt such an uncontrollable surge of anger that he clenched his fists with all his might.

"It's a real shame that you only have her because I left."

"Last warning, Dazai. I swear to fucking god-"

"Why, am I wrong? Or does the truth hurt you that much?" The man's fury was like fuel for Dazai at that moment. „I’m really sorry I’m the one who have to break it to you, but she would never choose you, if I stayed. No one would.” Dazai's mocking laughter assaulted every cell in Chuuya's body. He saw red. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. He didn't even fully believe that Dazai would be capable of such a thing. To torment him with such cruel words. Was he really that heartless? „Tell me Chuuya, how does it feel to pick up trash after me?”

And that was the moment when Chuuya snapped. He couldn't bear a single word more from Dazai's mouth. They all bit into his brain and sowed the seeds of doubt with their sharp fangs. So he approached him without hesitation and punched him in the face as hard as he could. Finally, silence fell.

"Try to say one more fucking word, and you won't live to see your execution."

Dazai became more serious. Flames of hatred and betrayal seemed to burn in Chuuya's azure eyes. They stared at one another intensely, as if trying to read each other's thoughts, but neither of them dared to speak a word again. That is until, after a few short moments, the echo of footsteps on the stairs reached their ears.

"Chuuya, you' down here?" Oh no. Dazai opened his eyes wider in surprise. It was a turn of events he had not predicted. His heart started pounding like crazy. No, no, no. This was not how it was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to come here.

"Yeah, I am." Chuuya replied, completely ignoring the cuffed man, and moved toward the stairs. As soon as her familiar silhouette stood right in front of him, Dazai lost all his previous confidence. For a moment, he even had the feeling, no, he sincerely hoped, that Chuuya's punch was strong enough to knock him unconscious, and that it was all just a hallucination. He was not ready to meet her face to face. However, the moment their gazes met, he no longer had any doubts. He would recognize that pair of wistful eyes anywhere. It was her. The real her.

This did not bode well.

A hot pain spread throughout his chest. She was exactly as stunning as he remembered her. Thousands of thoughts swirled in his head. He carefully watched her escaping gaze, just to avoid looking at him. Her slightly dejected figure. Her lowered tone of voice. As if she was trying to be invisible to him. But it's hard for her to be invisible when she was the one thing in Dazai's eyes worth looking at.

He didn't pay the slightest attention to the conversation between her and Chuuya, but he didn't even look away for a moment. What a torture. Her completely ignoring Dazai was the worst form of penalty. He would have preferred a thousand times more if she had been the one to inflict punishment on him for all the mistakes of the past. Every part of his body begged for her gaze, her attention, her anger. He had to take control of himself and this situation.

"Oh, what a wonderful reunion! Would you like to join our pleasant chat?" He spoke up with an overly sweet smile. She, however, only gave him a vague glance and turned to Chuuya again.

"Give me the keys. When you're done talking to that man, just come to the car." Oh.

"That man? You wound me, darling. Is that how you greet your beloved?" Yes, that's exactly how you should greet someone like me. I should be destroyed. Please, destroy me.

"Beloved? You've got to be kidding me." The note of anger in her voice pleased Dazai. A little more and he'll get what he wants. Please make me feel something again. Make me suffer. Make me bleed.

"Oh don't be like that. It's me, your Osamu. Stop pouting and give me a hug. To the good old days." Just a little bit more.

"I know what you're trying to do and you won't succeed. You won't provoke me." Dazai fell silent. The fake smile came off his face and was replaced by shock, which unfortunately he was unable to hide. She could see right through him, couldn't she?

"Come on, why would I want to provoke you?" He laughed, yet inside he was shrieking, begging for some kind of reaction from her. He prayed that she would scream at him, cry, punch him, make a ruckus and start an apocalypse. Or that she would at least raise her voice a little and give vent to her anger. That she would make it clear to him that he was no longer welcome in her life. Anything, just so he could finally move on.

Please, I beg you, tear me down. I deserved it.

"I won't do it." She said calmly, as if reading his mind. Maybe in fact, she could read his mind. After all, she knew him better than anyone else in this world. She stepped closer to him and gazed straight into his soul with disappointed eyes. "You won't get the closure, Dazai. You don't deserve it now. Are you even aware of what you've done? You left me when I was at my lowest. I lost Ango, I lost Oda and that same night I lost you, and it was your decision to leave me. You don’t get to move on. I just hope you are doing well in your new life and it was worth destroying me completely. I really fucking hope it was worth it."

And the worst part was that... it was not worth it. He was nauseous. Every word coming out of her lips was like a dagger thrust and twisted in his heart. Of course, he was aware of what he had done to her. He wasn't that much of an idiot. But hearing it out loud hurt a thousand times more than he might have thought. He could feel Chuuya's burning gaze of hatred on him, but he didn't care. He focused all his attention on her, like a sponge absorbing the piercing words.

Her voice did not tremble. But Dazai's heart did.

"I don't think I need to tell you where to find the stuff you came here for. I bet you figured it out yourself a long time ago. Just get out of my sight and never come back. I’m not going to let you destroy everything again." And so, the two headed for the stairs without turning back. Leaving Dazai all alone with his greatest enemy. Himself.

From that point on, getting the information he wanted did not require much time or effort from him. The most effort, against all appearances, was to return home. Or rather house. He closed the apartment door behind him and sighed quietly with stale air. It could use some ventilation, that's for sure. He kicked his shoes into a corner somewhere and with a heavy step entered the room.

"I'm home." He muttered to himself. He did every single time, even if there was not a single person to answer him. Not a single person waiting for him. However, he continued this small habit, as if there was still a sliver of hope hidden deep in his heart that one day he would hear the long awaited words. Welcome home.

Home. What a strange word. What was "home" anyway? Everyone certainly has their own definition of it. Was home just a place where a person stored their belongings, spent their free time, and slept under a roof at night? Or was home the smell of a warm dinner, quiet music playing on the radio and more than one pair of shoes by the doormat? What was this enigmatic "home"?

Well, according to Dazai, home was a place on earth. A place where he could return with peace of mind, knowing that he would always be welcomed back and accepted. A place where he could remove all masks from his face and fully be himself, without fear of rejection. A place where someone would be waiting for him, who would wrap him in gentleness and patience. A place where he could die every night and be born again along with the sunrise. A small heaven on earth.

Dazai did not have a home.

Or at least not anymore.

He began to wonder if she had a home these days. Did her snow-white walls still exude the icy cold of forsaken souls and sleepless nights? Did her bedroom still smell of empty promises and broken voices? Did the phantom of the life he left behind seep into the concrete of the walls and haunt her every night?

Or maybe now the frost of her life had been replaced by a soothing warmth she had never experienced before. Maybe her living room was decorated with beautiful flowers and floating memories in photographs where her smile outshone even the summer sun. Maybe the couch was draped with soft blankets and a pile of pillows where she rested at her leisure, watching her favorite movies. Maybe there was a warm dinner waiting for her and the gentle smile of another person. Two pairs of slippers, two mugs of morning coffee and two spoons in the sink, after a late night ice cream snack.

Maybe someone had given her the home that Dazai never could.

He hoped so.

He stood in the middle of the nearly empty room and, for the first time in a long time, looked around carefully. The dark apartment without an ounce of soul was a perfect reflection of him. Devoid of any beauty, it brought no comfort, no sense of security or reassurance. Only empty walls, a bed that hadn't been made in weeks, and clothes scattered on the floor that he didn't have the energy to put back in place. It was his own hell, which reminded him of his misery and solitude every single day.

Or was it not hell? Maybe it was just purgatory. A place where he could atone for his previous life. Even if he wasn't very religious, Dazai was sure, this must be some kind of punishment. Punishment for all the crimes and sins he had committed. For all the lives he had taken, for all the blood he had spilled, for every broken bone and heart ripped from the chest. For every trigger pulled. For every family he shattered. For the fact that he was born.

He sincerely believed that someone like him should never have been born. From an early age, he had been searching for the essence of life, but he couldn't find it in anyone or anything in his path. So he gravitated to people and environments where feelings and emotions were uncannily real. Where no one bothered to mask their worst sides. Where he could observe behavior, and perhaps that way he could learn how to be human.

His biggest mistake, however, was seeking the meaning of life in a place that ended it without hesitation. He hoped that in the raw emotions of the murderers, he would find the truth about what really makes a person human. And all he found was his own downfall.

However, in the midst of this chaos of death and doom, there was also her. In her hard shell hiding a beauty that Dazai was not worthy enough to see. Her cold hands covered in gold so delicately put his fragments together as if he were fragile porcelain. He probably never gave a hint of it, but her every word touched a depth of his soul he didn't even know he had. In her coldness, she was warm like oozing blood, dripping slowly onto the melting snow. She was a breath of fresh air after a midnight downpour. The first sip of morning coffee. She was beautiful. Beautiful in such an incomprehensible way that Dazai never saw anyone like her again.

On a daily basis, she was surrounded by an aura of composure and calm. A determined gaze always focused on the goal. Ready to do anything to achieve it. Confident, unstoppable, merciless. Yet she was at the same time the embodiment of comfort and understanding. She never judged. She made everyone at the bar laugh with her sense of humor, and her breakfasts were the best he had ever had. Existence with her by his side was a little more bearable.

Above all, however, she was too good for him. Too understanding, too patient, too caring. She didn't care for him the way a person would care for a small child. She didn't hover over him, she didn't pander to his every whim, she didn't flood him with a wave of affectionate words. Most of the time, in complete silence, she simply stayed by his side, absorbing together the frost of the morning and the frost of their hearts. And that was enough.

Oh how dare he hurt her like that?

However, Dazai knew that he was no good to her. He was only giving her a substitute for what she really needed. What she really deserved. Even if she was a ruthless mafia executive, ready to pull the trigger at any moment, taking lives exactly like him, without hesitation. She was something more. Or at least in Dazai's eyes.

He did not yet understand the concept of love back then. In fact, he probably still didn't fully understand it. However, at the time, these feelings overwhelmed him. He wasn't used to the racing heartbeat, the burning warmth in his chest and the indescribable attachment that pushed him to spend every possible moment by her side. He wasn't used to it and was terrified by it. He was terrified by the very sound of the cursed word. He was terrified by the dependence on another human being and the prospect that sooner or later he might lose her. How would he survive losing her after exposing his whole heart? He knew that the best way out was to end their relationship before it developed. Nevertheless, he selfishly allowed himself to bask in her presence a moment too long. Then unforgiving fate proved to him once again that everything he ever wanted would be taken away from him.

He realized that his leave from the mafia would bring much suffering. What he didn't expect, however, was that most of that suffering would fall on him. Perhaps it was for the best. After all, he was the evil of this world. An outcast, looking for his own place, yet never knowing how to fully fit in.

Oh what in the world had he done? Was it all really worth it? Was abandoning everything just to fulfill a dying friend's last wish actually his path? Or did he make an irreversible mistake? Regardless, there was no turning back. Nor a chance to make things right again.

He did not predict the consequences. Oh how painfully he did not predict the consequences of this rash fulfillment of a promise. The beginning was not so bad. He disappeared from the face of the earth, holed up in his own world and waited patiently for the smoke of confusion caused by his disappearance to slowly settle. Time, however, verified him. His life completely lost any leftover shine and color, and turned into a pure attempt to exist from day to day. Dazai stopped living. Dazai began to vegetate.

And what's the point in that? What's the point in fighting every morning, only to spend another day in solitude and go to bed with the same sense of hopelessness as the day before? What is the point? The thing is, there is no point. That's why in Dazai's life, death was not a terrifying vision of the unknown, it was like a beautiful salvation, saving him from the burden of life on earth. From the weight of regret, remorse and rejection. He clung to the concept of death like a drowning man grasping at a razor, as his last resort. There were days when he desired it more than anything else in the world. To end this never-ending string of failures and disappointments. To close his eyes once and for all and finally truly rest. From the world, from people, from suffering. From himself.

Oh what a pathetically weak man he was. All it took was a moment, one look in her direction and a few words flowing from between her lips to shake the foundation of the entire new life he had built from scratch. But how could he ignore the blistering pain in his heart and the weight in his throat, brutally falling into his stomach? He couldn't get rid of the memory of her fleeing gaze, just to avoid catching eye contact with him. Her defensive posture, as if his very presence was a threat to her and an agonizing pain. And maybe it was. It probably was.

He saw her in many different situations. He saw rage emanating from her eyes and ripping out of her throat, he saw sadness overwhelming her mind and he saw joy filling the room with sunshine. He saw it all. However, he had never seen her so defeated and retreating. Or at least he had never been the one she was pulling away from. The realization flashed through his mind that he would probably never see her sincere smile ever again. And that thought somehow hurt him particularly deeply.

He began to wonder how their lives would have turned out if he had stayed in the mafia instead. Would they still be inseparable, giving each other every bit of warmth they could ever muster? Maybe they would have been more than just souls suspended in the void, accompanying each other through the hardships of the world. Maybe they would have crossed that invisible barrier and become something more. Maybe they would have learned to love. Or maybe their paths would have drifted apart over time, leaving a bitter aftertaste of shattered hope in their mouths. What if they met now? If they had met when Dazai had already abandoned his merciless alter ego, would their story have turned out differently? Oh how Dazai longed at least for a moment to go back in time and shake the younger version of himself. To tell him to come to his senses, that it's not worth it. That he is irreversibly losing something from his life that will never happen again.

He cringed at the very memory of his cruel words that he sometimes threw in her direction. How he used to reject her without a second thought and throw her out of his life. How brutally he was able to break her spirit time and time again, only to return the next day as if nothing had ever happened. He continually left her in darkness, doubt and despair, making her look for a way back on her own, while he reached out to her without hesitation, whenever he got a little lost. He wasn't being fair. He knew it.

He only hoped that someday she would be able to forgive him. Because he will never be able to forgive himself.

Maybe that was the sign that he had actually changed. Living in the light gave him a different perspective on the world. And because of this, the mistakes he made in the past weighed on his shoulders more than he could carry. So he kept collapsing. Every single day. And there was no one left to pick him up.

Dazai was so painfully miserable.

And now he was alone. Completely alone. Despite his daily conversations with his colleagues at the agency, despite the morning calls from an impatient Kunikida who rushed him to work, despite the smile that graced his face every day, he was alone. Like a clown performing in a circus, his each and every day began to resemble a pathetic performance more than actual life. Pretending as if he had not been dying the night before.

So in the end, was it really worth it? Wasn't he supposed to be happy by doing the right thing? Why was he so wretched, even though he did everything Odasaku asked him to do, letting out that one final breath on his deathbed? Could it be possible that Odasaku was wrong? Is it selfish of Dazai to regret his decision at times? Is it really that selfish of him to want to return to where he was truly happy? Even if only a little? To that questions, and a thousand others, Dazai unfortunately did not know the answer.

Of one thing he was sure. The night that would prove to be his demise, the night he would finally place a delicate kiss on death's lips, he will whisper into the eternal immensity of the sky. He will whisper as if he is whispering in her ear one last time. Hoping that the moon will carry his voice and reach her soul.

I'm sorry I was too terrified to love you.

#dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd imagines #bsd headcanons #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #dazai x you #chuuya x you #bsd angst #bungou stray dogs angst #dazai angst #chuuya angst #bsd series #xen|series

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slimeywooper · 8 months

Text

Labmas AU - Unintended Consequences

Chapter 7 Part 2 - Work

Not missing a beat, Colress resumes, "We'll quietly make our way passed Kudari's quarters and head along the wall until we complete a rotation of the floor, arriving again at the elevator." Walking lightly, the two of you move beyond Kudari's place, and are now next to another wall. Being closer to the kennels, there were different Pokemon cries coming from the cages. Peeking in them, you notice a a few different species: Emolga, Joltik, and Venipede. They don't seem distressed, but it appears that they want attention. Colress doesn't give you time to watch them before starting again, "There are three more rooms designed for experiments here, and over in this last corner that we're currently heading to, is Nobori's room."

"Oh! Can we go say hello?" You were trying not to sound as excited as you felt.

There was a pause as Colress eyes you suspiciously, "I'm afraid I gave him orders this morning. He'll likely be gone for a few days."

Thinking aloud, you remark, "Nobori's room doesn't look anywhere near as large as Kudari's."

Colress sighs before offering a reason for the difference, "Only if there is someone to watch Kudari, does he ever leave his room. This wasn't always the case, but it is now. We have expanded it over the years with his ever increasing time spent in it, so he'll have plenty of space to move around. Nobori, on the other hand, is free to leave his room whenever he pleases." Now standing beside the aforementioned room, Colress expands on his statement, "He and Kudari used to share a room when they were growing up, but needed to be separated during their teenage years. Turns out, a Galvantula hybrid is just as territorial as its full Pokemon counterpart. I had to break up a fight between them, though I can't remember what it was about exactly. Probably something stupid. By the time I got there, Nobori had defended himself from Kudari's assault. Gave him a nasty burn, but nothing to leave any scars. Of course Kudari still wasn't letting up, so I had to… persuade him to stand down. Anyway, Nobori was pretty shaken up, so we moved him into his own space. He hasn't expressed a need or desire for anything larger, so that's where he remains to this day." Colress continues his journey and you follow.

You couldn't get a read on whether or not Colress found these specifics bothersome, or if he didn't really care. Being stuck in the same room all day must be hell, even if there's plenty of space to move around. Especially if you don't know when, or if, you're getting out. Conversely, staying in the same room for years on end without any change or room to grow, would also be frustrating. It seems like a terrible situation for both of the hybrids.

Arriving again at the elevator, Colress puts his tablet in his coat and announces, "Alright, that should be a good enough explanation." He eyes you up and down, before opining, "Many of the assistants who work here are lazy, and think they're too good to do menial work. They like to leave it all for someone else. Unfortunately for you, it's likely going to become your responsibility to clean up after them. Whereas they can argue that they're too busy helping with various experimentation, you cannot. So, for today, the simple job I have for you is… laundry. The unlaundered towels in the wash room are likely starting to pile up. Just clean and dry those and you're free for the weekend. For this task, I don't mind if you use your phone while you wait for them to finish, but don't make it a habit." Colress presses the button and enters the elevator. "Have a good weekend, (Y/N). I'll meet you on the first floor at 6 a.m. on Monday." The door closes and he's gone.

Colress hadn't given you a chance to say goodbye. Perhaps there is something important he has to do. You turn from the door and start walking to where he told you the wash room was. Luckily it wasn't by Kudari's place so you didn't have to sneak around. This door doesn't require a name badge to be scanned to open it, so after testing the knob to make sure it is unlocked, you go in. To your left you see the washing machine and dryer. Right next to them is an overflowing hamper filled with towels.

He wasn't lying when he said it would be a simple task. This would likely only take around four loads, depending on how much you wanted to shove into each one. The appliances looked like they were state-of-the-art, but you decided not to put too much in. You dreaded to think of Colress' reaction if you broke one of them. Hopefully this would not take too long. After putting the first load into the washer, you get on your phone and begin to browse the Internet. Perhaps when Nobori returns you could get his number. Just to chat every now and then. You guys were basically friends now, so it wouldn't be weird if you were in contact regularly. You would just have to keep it from Colress… and convince Nobori not to tell him as well.

Thinking of what you were going to do after this, you cannot help but marvel at the fact you have a weekend off. You haven't been off for a Saturday and Sunday together since you were in school. In your world, there would have been plenty to do, but here, you had yet to leave Plasma headquarters. No one told you that you couldn't, but if anyone found out that you weren't from this world, there might be panic. Then again, who the hell would believe you? This was another justification for getting Nobori's number. It would give you something to do. Maybe even hang out every now and then. Even if your relationship would only stay platonic. Not that you wanted more than friendship. Of course not. But he and Colress were the only two people you were properly acquainted with. And you certainly didn't want to hang out with Colress outside of work. Getting to know him personally would likely cause what charisma he was able to muster go right out the window. How hard to handle would he be if that were to happen? It wasn't worth it. Assuming of course Colress would even want to hang out with you anyway. He'd probably mention how it wouldn't be appropriate for someone of his stature to mingle with the commoners such as yourself. You were rolling your eyes at the thought.

As the towels finished drying, they were folded and put away in the cabinet. Having completed your task for the day, you return the detergent to its designated spot. Stepping out of the room, you decide to take a peak at the Pokemon again. Approaching the kennel closest to you, the first Pokemon you see are Joltik. For whatever reason, Team Plasma seem to have a bunch of them. They were held behind glass so they wouldn't have any bars to squeeze through. Though they were spiders, you didn't feel any fear of them. Their little bodies were covered in fluff, giving them the appearance more of hamsters than spiders. Having only four legs instead of eight also helped. In the next cage was a Litwick, giving off a soft, blue glow. This was the pre evolution of what Nobori is. You wondered if seeing it in a cage might bother him, or if he felt any kinship for Litwick at all. Moving further, there was a Galvantula nestled on a web in another glass case. Kudari's species. It was much creepier than the Joltik. It still only had four legs but they were much more pronounced, and you take note of the strange… arm-like appendages it has in the front. Taking out your phone, you decide to look it up. 'Pedipalps', they are called. Okay, that's enough Pokemon for one day. You decide potentially seeing more spiders isn't worth it. The time had come to head upstairs and call it a day. If Colress finds you hanging out here for no reason, he'll likely have something snarky to say. You head straight to the first floor to stash your lab coat in your locker and return to your room.

---

You were able to get plenty of rest on your time off. In fact, you spent most of it in bed watching the different shows that Unova had to offer. At one point on Saturday, you had ventured to the cafeteria and ran into Frank. He wasn't happy to see you and was actively trying to dodge your questions, but when you asked if he could send someone through the Ultra Wormhole to retrieve your video games because you were going crazy, he reluctantly agreed. Only on the condition you leave him alone from then on. Eagerly accepting his terms, you were presented with your systems and games on Sunday. You were able to play a decent amount, but even though Unova had Nintendo Switch, it didn't seem like you could use the online features on your current system. You might have to invest in another one from this world.

Getting out of bed, you do your usual routine to get ready. Remembering what Colress had said, you go to the first laboratory floor to meet him. When the elevator doors open, his back is facing you. Walking up to his right side, he looks in your direction.

"(Y/N), I'm glad you're still able to get here on time." He turns so his body is facing you. "Sometimes when our assistants get the whole weekend off, they tend to overdo it and arrive late to their following shift. Though I imagine you don't have anyone to go drinking with." He accentuated his last statement by nodding his head.

"Nope, absolutely no one." You say with a slight lilt to your voice. Getting upset this early would likely set the rest of your day on a downward spiral, so you let his comment slide off of you.

"Ha ha, of course." He seems to genuinely find your confession humorous and smiles widely. "Now then, I've retrieved your lab coat for you. Today I want you to keep an eye on the reception area. The grunt we usually have working here is currently indisposed, so we have one of our other assistants taking his place. I need you to step in for them so they can get back to the researcher they were helping before being pulled here."

"Okay. I've never done it before. Is there any training I have to do?" You ask the question to make sure there isn't any unknown element that may arise as you're working, while expecting a brash response. And you aren't disappointed.

"It's really simple… just make sure everyone that goes through this door"— he gestures towards the door and raises his eyebrows— "has a name badge. You shouldn't have trouble with that."

"Yes sir." You acknowledge. Colress gives you another smile and nod before heading through the door. This day was going to drag on and on. You must have really pissed him off with the comment about being the hybrid's DNA donor. Why else would he be asking you to do something so boring? Wondering how you were going to get through the day, you notice that just under the desk was a makeshift shelf hidden from view. The grunt that usually works here must have installed it expressly for the purpose of hiding a phone or tablet. You would have to remember to buy him lunch sometime to show your gratitude.

A few hours passed of researchers and assistants coming through. Some of them would offer greetings, others would just walk by. While you are stealthily playing on your phone, it begins to ring. The caller ID says 'unknown'. This is the first time anyone has called the phone you have from this world. Hesitantly, you answer it, "Hello?"

"(Y/N)! It's Colress. I need you to head down to the second floor. There's quite a mess in the autopsy room. Leave the reception area for now. It shouldn't cause any issues."

"Autopsy room?" You say with confusion, as your stomach falls.

"Yes, I forgot. We were interrupted on that day we were going over the second floor. To get there, after exiting the elevator, don't turn left down the hallway. Head forward halfway down and there will be a door to your left. That's the autopsy room." Colress didn't give you time to say anything else. "Remember when I said the assistants were lazy? Well, someone dropped one of the specimens meant for practice dissection. There's a small pool of embalming fluid splattered on the floor. Stop by the supply closet for a mop to clean this mess." He abruptly ends the call.

Sighing, you leave the desk and make your way downstairs and to the supply closet. There's a section specifically for cleaning supplies. Grabbing a mop and bucket, you wheel it over to a small drain in the corner. A faucet is there, which you use to fill the bucket. Adding a cleaning agent, you place the mop inside and begin to wheel it to where Colress had directed you to go. Entering the room, you see a glass partition separating half of the room from the next. You could clearly see the autopsy table on the other side. This area must be used as a type of learning aid so the assistants can watch how to dissect things before trying themselves. Opening the door to the actual autopsy room, you start mopping. There's a sense of relief in not having to pick up the corpse of the Pokemon. It only takes a few minutes to clean, so after placing the mop back in the bucket, you leave the room. Colress nearly bumps into you on the other side.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to almost run into you." The words quickly leave your mouth.

Colress shakes his head. "No worries. I'm glad you work with a sense of urgency. Now that the spill is taken care of—" The lights go out, bringing Colress to halt. You can hear the constant whirr of the laboratory shut down. "What the hell? Why aren't the back up generators kicking in?" Colress sounds a bit panicked. "…Something's wrong. I have a feeling this isn't a random occurence." His tablet screen is illuminating his face, giving his glasses a strange sheen. Addressing you, he demands, "Go to the generator room and head upstairs to the first floor. That's where everyone is to meet. Don't dawdle. I need to go to the third floor and check on Kudari. If he somehow got out of his room, there could be trouble. It'd be best if you were quick."

Nodding, you respond, "Of course. I'll head there now." Reaching into your pocket, you pull out your phone and turn on its flashlight. Colress sprints in the direction of the generator room. When you get there, you see his head disappearing down the stairwell. Something gives you pause. Stepping back, you return to the hallway.

#labmas au #hybrid au #colress #kudari #nobori #submas au

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buckyismybicycle · 2 years

Photo

CHAPTER 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers Rating: Explicit (later) Tags/Warnings: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Body Image Issues, References to Depression/Anxiety/Eating Disorders/Alcohol Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Powers/Hockey, Team Bonding, Slow Burn (sexy tags include Service Top Bucky Barnes, Hair-pulling and who knows what else) Summary: Boston Bruins trade notorious party animal/human disaster Bucky Barnes to the Dallas Stars, and captain Steve Rogers is not impressed when Fury puts him on babysitting duties. But, as he gets to know Bucky - really gets to know Bucky - he wonders if maybe the media has got it all wrong - very, very wrong. [Read on AO3 here] A/N: I’ve been posting this to AO3 but honestly it’s beloved so it’s coming here too. This is the second of my two fics for WIP Big Bang, so updates will be heavy until September 22, 2022! My lovely artist, kingstoken made me cover art, which can be seen below the cut and in my masterlist!

Steve

When Steve hears that they’ve traded for James “Bucky” Barnes, he can’t believe it’s true. He has to bite back the spike of frustration towards management — so instead of calling Fury, he calls his James – Rhodey – instead, telling him how garbage the move is.

“It’s all good, Cap,” Rhodey chuckles all too cheerfully. “I only got a year left on my contract and the wife’s been buggin’ me. I didn’t think I was going to get much longer anyway.”

“Aw, come on Rhodes, that’s horse shit. Your age ain’t ever held you back.”

“Well it sure as shit makes things harder, don’t it?” Rhodey fires back. “Look… Wife’s expecting again.”

“Shit,” Steve blurts out before he saves himself. “Congrats man, that’s amazing.”

“Yeah! Yeah, it is. She’s just a few weeks so we haven’t told anyone. Anyway, I want to experience it this time. Not always on the road… I’ve got a fair share of diapers to change to catch up.”

“You’re retiring,” Steve states blankly.

“Yeah, I’m probably gonna make it my last year,” Rhodey confirms.

It’s a lot for Steve, to hear that not only is he losing his alternate captain to another team, but that he’ll soon be out of the sport entirely.

“I’m happy for you,” Steve settles on, trying to summon the enthusiasm for his friend. It’s the truth; he is happy for Rhodey, it’s just not the life he ever saw for himself. He loves the sport too much to leave it. “We should get together before you go.”

“Yeah, for sure.”

The phone call had put him in an even worse mood.

—

When he gets a call two hours later from the GM, he picks it up with gritted teeth.

“This is Rogers.”

“I know you’ve heard the news.”

“I have.”

“Good,” Fury says with a breeze, either not sensing or simply not caring about Steve’s inner turmoil. “Then you know I have a special assignment for you.”

“Are you serious?” Steve doesn’t bother to try and hide the disdain.

“He needs a role model, Rogers.”

“He needs his parents,” Steve retorts.

“Yeah, we’ll he doesn’t have any, so, you’re going to have to do. I’m not asking.”

That’s the kind of finality that makes Steve take a breath. He’s a professional, he’s a team captain, he can handle a rowdy kid.

“Right.”

“We’re putting him up in the same building, he’s 514. His flight lands this weekend. I’ll send you the details. Just show him the ropes, move the kid in, and make sure he gets his ass to the intro meeting on Monday morning.”

“Right,” he repeats.

—

He spends the next two days cleaning and re-cleaning even though his apartment is pretty tidy already, a perk of living alone. He doesn’t even know why he does it, it’s not like he needs to show off to some wild child that he’s babysitting.

James B. Barnes was notorious for his partying — hell, it’s probably why he’s being booted out of Boston. Steve remembers a tiny feeling of resentment when Bucky had been drafted first overall to Boston Bruins, Steve’s hometown.

And while Steve played for Dallas, a part of him will always be the ten-year-old scrawny kid in his Boston Bruins bedsheets, with posters of Bobby Orr and Raymond Bourque on his walls and the Stanley Cup in his dreams.

So yes, he had been bitter about not winning the cup, like he is every year. But he had watched Boston go on, living the playoffs through them vicariously. He had watched the team push into the finals, and battle it out, keeping an eye on all the players. Barnes was good — fast, and a hard shot to boot, even as he danced around the ice. His skating was beautiful, and Steve would never admit it, but he envied it.

And then they won the Stanley cup, and Steve watched a baby-faced, nineteen-year-old Barnes lift the Stanley Cup in his fucking rookie year.

Then, he had watched Barnes absolutely tank his second year in Boston. How the internet blew up with pictures of Barnes dancing on table tops shirtless, his smile drunk and dopey and headlines that read “out of control”. After that, all Steve could think about was what an idiot this kid was, drinking his opportunity away when he’d only just gotten into the league. A dream for most, and he was throwing it away.

Seriously, why is he cleaning his place?

He stops himself, forces himself to send a captain-ly message to the phone number attached to introduce him and welcome him to the team. It sounds like a cookie cutter message even to him, but then again, so is the reply.

“Thanks, looking forward to meeting you and the rest of the team.”

—

True to his word, he reads the email that’s forwarded to him with Barnes’ itinerary. The greeting email he’s copied on from management, though? That one, Steve skips. He’s not in the mood to read the fake, sugary welcome.

On Saturday morning, he hops in his truck, and leaves for the airport, fifteen minutes early, in a simple pair of jeans and a light grey shirt to combat the Dallas heat. The windows are rolled down, the radio playing softly, and when it’s time for the flight to land, he hops out of the truck and leans against it to wait.

He sends a message to the number he was given, with a description of his truck and what he’s wearing. It’s another twenty minutes of Steve dicking around on his phone until a tall brunette, wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, walks towards him with a duffel bag.

Steve has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the obnoxious display incoming – black skinny jeans and a shirt that’s too tight on top of the cap and sunglasses? Yeah, Steve can already tell he’s not going to like this kid.

Bucky

It’s a new start for him, that’s what Bucky keeps telling himself because it’s all he can do to make it feel better, make it feel less like rejection. Less like he’s being thrown out like last week's trash. It hurts — it cuts deep in a way that he never expected, the words burrowing into his heart and making its rotten nest there.

“You’re going to Dallas.”

He understands that it’s hockey, that trades will happen and it feels like only 1% of the entire league will stay playing for the same team their whole careers, but he hadn’t expected to be picked first overall, to win the Stanley Cup in his first year, and have it mean nothing. Every drill he’s ever run and every 5am workout seem like a slap in the face now. Why had he so desperately pushed himself to be the perfect star, if they were just going to give him away? And that’s the thing – they traded him for James Rhodey, who’s near the end of his career, and 4th round pick, which means shit all.

Because that’s what Bucky’s worth. Shit all.

He’s staring at the suitcase that he’s packing, sees the white, black and yellow jersey that he had kept as a momento and he simultaneously wants to cry and set it on fire.

Pierce comes in then, it’s just the two of them since his wife is at work, and gives him a look, one that screams disappointment. Bucky can feel his eyes sting.

“We’ll have to get you to the airport first thing in the morning,” Pierce says. “So make sure you don’t leave anything.”

Maybe it’s meant in a way to gently remind Bucky not to forget anything he needs, but what Bucky hears is “don’t leave a single trace of you in my house.”

He nods.

“I’m sorry, James, but it was merely business.”

Bucky didn’t expect any favouritism, of course, but he had hoped that his billet family would have considered him more than just another player. But Pierce, who had been his coach, his father-figure, his keeper, didn’t even look back. Bucky packs up the last few things that were his and closes the suitcase, laying back down on the bed that he would sleep in for the last time.

The thing about airports is that there’s always an ocean of people — something that Bucky is still nervous about. He doesn’t mind flying with the team for away games, he doesn’t mind flying with his friends, but now he’s on a commercial flight all by himself, after his face has been plastered on every sports magazine and online article possible. He is very much aware that he had been trending on Twitter, even though he was instructed by PR not to look at anything. But Bucky’s curious by nature, how could he not look?

He hadn’t gotten out of bed at all that day.

Bucky shoves a baseball cap on, low and right over his eyes, even though he put sunglasses on as an extra safety measure. Hoping that his clothes were pretty nondescript, he spent the whole flight with his head down and his headphones in, praying that the next few hours pass without any recognition.

At least the flight is smooth, with no delays, and he finds himself looking out the window at a whole lot of land. He’s played Dallas and watched their footage at practice, so he knows they’re a decent team, they just don’t have the same energy as the Bruins. The welcome text he had received from the captain seemed pretty standard, so he had replied in kind because he was raised with manners, and now the same phone number texted him again.

“I’ll be waiting with a blue Ford truck. F150. Jeans and a grey T-shirt.”

As if Bucky wouldn’t remember what the captain of the Dallas stars looked like, the goddamn brickhouse that he is, with a wicked slapshot and baby blue eyes.

There weren’t a lot of people on the flight, which tells Bucky a whole lot about Dallas as a vacation spot, so he’s able to get through bag check quickly. He regrets the hoodie, because even inside the airport – with air-conditioning – he can already tell that it’ll be a hot mess outside. Tying the hoodie around his waist instead, he follows the signs with his duffle slung over his shoulder and his suitcase rolling behind him, trying to find salvation.

When he does get outside, he’s thankful for his thin white shirt because it is balls hot. He doesn’t even need to scan for that long before he finds a giant pick up truck with a giant man leaning against it.

Something about the way that Steve Rogers stands commands a certain respect. It reminds Bucky of Rumlow, who stands at 6’1” with his arms crossed at all times and a stance that suggests you were in trouble. So even though Steve is leaning against his truck, it’s almost like Bucky is about to get scolded already. Steve looks up at him as he approaches and Bucky can’t read his face, but it looks annoyed. Hell, Bucky supposes he’d be annoyed too if his Saturday morning was spent picking up baggage. The anxiety makes Bucky heat up even worse than the Texas sun.

“Hi, Steve,” Bucky greets as best he can, keeping the tremor out of his voice and offering his hand.

“James.” Steve takes the other hand with a firm grip. “If nothing’s going to melt in there, feel free to throw them in the back.”

Steve

James nods, then chucks his duffle into the bed of the truck with a little effort and then picks up his suitcase and does the same. Steve looks away from where the white shirt has risen up, because he doesn’t need to know that James Barnes wears Calvin Klein and can’t afford to get distracted by the beautiful, intricate lines of his tattoo running up Bucky’s arm.

Steve doesn’t say all the things in his head like “do you know how hard some people have to work to be here” or “you’re wasting your talent” because he’s not even that much older than James, and also: it’s none of his damn business. When James hops in the car, he closes the door surprisingly gently, which earns some points from Steve, he supposes. Even with both their windows rolled down, Steve can make out some sort of rich cologne underneath a fresh spring smell and it… It‘s nice. James takes his sunglasses off and Steve’s caught off guard for a moment when the most brilliant sapphire eyes turn to look at him.

“Thanks again for this,” James says. His voice is softer than Steve remembers.

“S’not a problem,” Steve replies cordially, looking over. The moment their eyes meet, James turns to look out the front and something doesn’t sit quite right in Steve. James is — because Steve had done his research immediately — 6’1” and 200 pounds. It’s only an inch shorter and fifteen pounds less than Steve, but at their height it's a nearly indiscernible difference, and yet James looks small. His head practically rests on his chest, looking down at his hands, which are empty, but fidgety. The lines in his shoulders are tense, since they’re up to his damn ears which makes Steve take a step back in his head.

And immediately makes him feel like a dick.

James had just packed up his life and moved a good six hours a way with no friends and no family. Steve remembers that feeling, of starting in a new place. Granted, he didn’t have any family and had stayed with the owner of the team, Tony Stark, who spared no expense. James had just won a Stanley Cup and then been traded. And Twitter (and SportsNet and TSN and Instagram and —) had put him through the wringer.

The more Steve thinks about all the things that he’s sure makes James hunch in on himself, the guiltier he feels. He clears his throat.

“You hungry?”

James’ head snaps to him, like he’d been lost in thought, and opens his mouth to speak. It takes a moment, as if he were trying to think of the words carefully.

“Um, I was planning on exploring, after, maybe,” he fumbles anyway.

“There’s a great diner on the way,” Steve offers, watching James weigh his options. After a beat, he adds, “I could use it too.”

“If you’re sure,” James replies, like he’s still not convinced what the right answer is.

“I’m sure.” At that, he watches James’ shoulders drop, just a fraction, and maybe, just maybe, his face loses some of its tension too. Steve’s distracted by the way the soft strands of James’ hair whip around him as they drive, when he leans on his elbow, resting half outside the window.

And the road. He’s obviously watching the road.

Bucky

When Steve pulls into the diner, the sign is a neon red and reads “Maximumoff Effort” with a soft glow of fluorescent lighting. There’s other cars in the parking lots – mostly trucks and a shiny blood red Jeep Wrangler that Bucky admires. The outside looks quirky, with a deer head hanging over the door and the wooden exterior reminds Bucky of a cabin.

He can smell the food before they even enter the doors – like fried goodness and an artery clog. Still, he follows Steve diligently into the restaurant and the inside is, for lack of a better word, whacky. Honestly, Bucky kind of falls in love. The diner’s filled with red seats and silver barstools, and there’s more of that neon lighting inside, such as a huge “BAR” sign with an arrow pointing to the back in a matching red as the sign outside. There’s one for “DINING” and “WELCOME”, some exit signs and one that simply says “JACKASS”. Bucky likes the Jackass one a lot, because it’s green and white, the Dallas Stars colours, and it’s hanging over a jukebox. There is a jukebox.

Aside from that, the restaurant is actually dimly lit, and there are people seated all over the place. A man, who has his back turned to Bucky, mans the bar and he can spot a woman with long, red hair bustling from table to table.

Bucky takes a look at all the decorations, misplaced but artfully so, rugged and homey in a kick your shoes off anywhere sort of way. It’s already so different from Boston, and Bucky doesn’t want to jinx himself, but he already likes it here. Steve nods at the redheaded waitress, and goes to take a seat at a booth, closer to the back, and Bucky follows his lead. It seems like Steve comes here frequently enough, especially when a server comes by with a “the usual?”

“Actually, I think I might take a look at the menu today,” Steve responds, clearly surprising the server. His name tag says Pietro, and his light hair is tousled atop his head, his facial hair trimmed.

“Well, well, aren’t we full of surprises!” Pietro dutifully grabs them two menus, and asks if they want to start with something to drink. So it’s water to start, and Bucky finally opens his menu. They’ve hit lunch time so the lighter breakfast options are off the table, much to his dismay. The burgers though – the burgers look amazing, and he knows that’s what he can smell in the air, and shit, it’s been so long since he’s had a burger. He’s practically salivating at the thought, what is wrong with him?

He forcibly tears his eyes away to the salads and other entrees, but every few lines, his eyes jump back to the Stars Burger. It’s funny, and even if their hockey team wasn’t the Dallas Stars, Bucky would still be drawn to it, because barbecue sauce on a double patty? It sounds like heaven.

“See anything?” Steve asks, interrupting Bucky’s internal dilemma.

“Um –” Bucky pauses, because he doesn’t want to make a bad impression in front of his new captain. “Uh, everything kinda looks good?”

“Hm.”

Bucky squirms inside, because it’s a flat-sounding hum, and Bucky feels like he hadn’t given the right answer. “The, uh, the Stars Burger, they didn’t name that after you, did they?”

That, apparently, is a better answer because Steve throws his head back in a laugh. “No, otherwise it’d be the Rogers Burger.”

Oh, alright, so Rogers can joke now, huh?

The smile stays on Steve’s face when he continues, “but it is named after the team, yes. It’s actually my usual.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but before he can say anything, Steve closes his menu and says, “try it.”

Don’t tempt me.

“Er – I –” Bucky stops, then thinks about his past week. Had he had a cheat day? Not that he can recall… So maybe the burger wouldn’t be so bad? He looks up to Steve, who’s looking back expectantly. “Yeah, okay.”

Steve offers him a small smile, and a warm feeling of something akin to acceptance bubbles in his chest.

When Pietro comes back, Steve sheepishly orders. “The usual,” he admits, and Pietro rolls his eyes.

“How did I know we would come back to this, hm?” He hasn’t bothered to take his notepad out.

“Same for you?” Pietro asks Bucky, not realizing that Bucky has no idea what The Usual even entails.

“Ah, my usual is the burger with a side of fries and a vanilla milkshake.”

“Oh my god,” Bucky blurts out, the sheer amount of calories shocking the words out of his mouth. “Um, I mean – just the burger for me.”

“You sure? We got the best fries on this side of town,” Pietro waggles his eyebrows.

“It’s true,” Steve confirms. “Trust me.”

“Okay, the fries too, then,” Bucky caves, secretly thrilled. “But water’s fine, thanks.”

“Comin’ right up,” Pietro promises, and floats away to the other tables. Even though the restaurant is pretty full, the two of them don’t seem to need any help at all.

“That’s his sister, Wanda,” Steve explains, watching Bucky’s eyes. “The restaurant’s been in their family a while.”

Bucky nods, because it makes sense why they’re so comfortable. “It’s nice.”

“It’s a team favourite, you’ll be back a few times.”

It’s something in the way he says it, with a certainty — you will be back, not you might be back. The smallest grain of something settles in Bucky.

“Lookin’ forward to it,” he says, smiling genuinely for the first time since he landed in this sweltering place.

Series Masterpost | Overall Masterpost | Next Chapter >>

💕Stucky Tag List: @moonlightreader649 @moviequeen51 @ohtobehappy @fluffyunicorn-96 @goldylions @angryknightstatesmantrash @rookthorne @buckybarnesau

#stevebucky fanfiction #steve/bucky #stevebucky #bucky barnes fanfiction #stucky #stucky fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #stucky hockey

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clanoffelidae · 1 year

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Popping back on to check like I said I would. If anyone else wants to keep in touch at all for the next while shoot me a message and I’ll be back in a couple days and can give you my discord. (This really is an open offer to anyone I swear lol, not a ‘MUTUALS ONLY’ deal or whatnot lol) I know I probably should’ve waited until later in the day but it was hanging over me so here I am.

I’ll try and write up that larger post I said I would while I’m gone these few days so I can leave that as my new pinned while I’m out for however long I’ll be gone after that.

If you see me online in a couple hours it’s just because I started working on the larger post earlier so it’s in my drafts and since I’m on mobile right now I can’t copy it easily, so I’ll just be grabbing it while I’m on my laptop at some point later is all.

I’ve said it 50 times now but I’ve slept and eaten and surprise, still hurts, so I’m saying it again:

Don’t take a stranger’s nonspecific posts and immediately use them to accuse them of things when you haven’t even tried to talk to them about it. You don’t know that person. Not only might you be flat out wrong, you can also quite easily take someone’s moment of vulnerability and use it as a weapon against them, as it turns out. Even if you didn’t intend to, it’s about what you did.

No, I don’t think the people who did it are abject, horrid monsters just looking for their next victim. I don’t think it was intentional at all. And I’m not going to malign them as having done it intentionally or claim they’re horrible and no one should ever talk to them again, they’re not, I truly believe they have overall good intentions and are trying to do good in the world. I really and truly wish them all the best with their project because it’s charity work and there’s little more noble than that. When they decide the charity I’ll pop in to toss a few preorders worth of money to the charity so I can support the cause like I wanted to in the first place. If you know what I’m talking about then please, don’t let my experience with the organizers/possibly other contributors stop you from supporting the cause they’re working towards. It’s not going to stop me, and between you (whoever is reading this and knows what this whole thing is about) and me I have the more reason to considering, so don’t let it stop you either.

But to use a different you, if you’re reading this, be you the ones who accused me or the one(s) who reported my posts to them, were thoughtless. You didn’t even try to communicate about it. You just decided your version of the truth and went with it. You were thoughtless, and that made you cruel.

You not only accused me of things it turned out I didn’t do, you took a moment of vulnerability and used it to insult and belittle me. Even if you didn’t intend to, even if you thought you had it right and were doing the right thing; it’s still what you did, and you were wrong.

Just like the things we discussed and I agreed with once I was sure I had what you were saying right, I did not intend to do those things but they’re what I did, and I accept that and am sorry for it. Just because something wasn’t intentional doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, that’s the funny thing about accidents and mistakes.

Don’t do that to someone else. It’s too late for me, but don’t jump to conclusions next time. Talk to people. Communicate. If they bite then defend yourselves; but don’t treat them like rabid animals when they’ve not once attacked you directly, tried to insult you, or even said a single negative thing about you.

I’ll be back in a few days to respond to any messages for those who want to keep up. I’ll schedule this to reblog once tomorrow and once on Monday to try and make sure anyone who wants to shoot me a message sees it. Take care y’all, this is between me and a handful of specific people, I’ve got absolutely no qualms with the rest of you nerds (affectionate) and promise I don’t bite. (<— she’s lying she has rabie-*GUNSHOT* <— haha ignore that I’ve no idea what was going on there haha what silly thing to say anyway come closer)

#rip to my newer followers who are like ‘WHAT is going on’ lol #you came here for memes and instead there was drama F #well like i said there’ll only be like one or two more posts about it and i’ll be outie for the next while #so there should be few drama posts remaining and the ones to follow after should be me returning to my natural habitat #nature will heal be ye not afraid #life finds a way #-T REX SMASHES THROUGH THE INBOX AS THE JURASSIC PARK THEME INTENSIFIES-

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croissantbae · 2 years

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11/14/2022

Oh my god I am so tired. It’s 8 pm and I want to go to sleep so badly. So many things have happened.

Friday: New Maria left for the evening and then I called Naomi back b/c I hd a missed FT call. As soon as I hung up with Naomi, Maria came back in. She then looked at me like she had something to say. Immediately I was like “What’s wrong? Did you get into a car accident?” She shook her head. I wondered if she needed more money. It was so ominous. But finally she told me she got a new job. “I just got off the phone with the new family and they asked me to start on Monday.” That day was going to be her last day! It was so shocking because I was just talking to her that day about people she had been talking to for new job opportunities. Neither of us were expecting it to come so fast. She hugged the girls a million times and asked if it was ok and said she was sorry. I was happy for her though. She’s going to get paid more, its close to her house, and the baby is only 4 months so it’s going to be a much easier gig plus she’ll be able to stay there long term. We had told her to start looking since Dani was goign to preschool in February and we already had old Maria (who wanted full time work too). Jason was working so they couldn’t do a proper goodbye (she went into the office to say bye but they couldn’t fully talk). Naya seemed to suspect something was wrong because she refused to smile or say bye. Jason and I are beginning to wonder if she might be developing a complex about people leaving. Cause Nela left her school, Somi moved away, her next best friend at school (Roy) also moved away, and now Maria was saying bye. Dani on the other hand was totally oblivious and was cheesing it up in pics w/ Maria. Maria started getting teary eyed and said she had to go. She was truly the best nanny ever and we are planning to use her again in the future if we ever need late night babysitting or weekend babysitting. It’s so sad to say goodbye and its kind of shocking that all of a sudden she’s out of our lives (for the most part). But it’s good. She kept talking about how she needed more work since her husband is retired. And Old Maria wanted more work too (she’s been kind of aggro about it). So this works out for the best for everyone but its still so sad. Jason keeps talking about her too saying he misses her lol. And lamenting that our house is just going to be dirty from now on.

Saturday: we went to Lawry’s for Christine’s birthday. It was honestly the best experience. The food was crazy delicious and I really enjoyed the decor/vibe. It’s so unlike the decor of anywhere else lately. It’s so ornate and decorative, whereas everyone else is about minimalism and modernism. I ate so much food and it was all just mush in my mouth - creamed spinach, creamed corn, mashed potatoes, pink meat. So freaking tasty.

The company was really good too. I really feel like everyone jells so well together now. It was a round table so everyone was able to be a part of the conversation (although I think almost everyone probably felt like they were talking into air, with know one listening to them at some point haha). But in any event energy was so good. People were happy, the experience of seeing the cart coming around, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the delicious food, talking about this and that. And then freaking Jeff and Christine paid for the entire thing!!!!!! Baller status. They also dressed the part. jeff wore his glasses, a turtle neck and plaid pants. Christine wore a classic fall brown colored-long jacket over a cute top and pants combo. It was all perfection. When we came home we were in such a good mood. We got into bed around 12 and I couldn’t fall asleep for whatever reason but then at 1 for no reason dani woke up crying. I went to get her and brought her into the bed but she just rolled around, kicking, blabbing, etc until 3:30. We were so fed up we put her into the crib adn just left the room to sleep on the couches. She straight up screamed like a lunatic and I was SURE my mom was about to come out at any minute to pick her up. But by some miracle she didn’t hear. She kept screaming “daddy!!! help me daddy!!!!!” Jason was like why is she only calling me?? lol. She went back to sleep eventually but the Ring app on my mom’s phone kept ringing. It was seriously going off like every 10 minutes. I got up at one point to try to find it so I could turn it off but I realized it was in the room w/ Naya so I gave up. I basically didn’t sleep until 4:30 and woke up around 6:30. Worst night of sleep of my entire life. It felt even worse than the newborn days.

Sunday: we went to Jason’s mom in the morning and she fed us a BOMB breakfast. It was so good but it also made me feel like I was going to crash (you know that feeling when you eat something and it just makes your sleep deprivation feels worse and you need to sleep immediately). But the girls were soooo cute playing w/ Rowan. It was seriously adorable seeing them light up at seeing their baby cousin. They didn’t even fully know how to play with him but they just hovered around him, hahah. Then Jason took Naya to play pie. He took one for the team b/c I had been watching the girls on my own a little bit since Jason’s been dealing with a lot of work emergencies. I laid down w/ Dani and the rest was definitely helpful. Afterwards we went to Eileen/Jordon’s place and had dinner and the girls got to play some more with Rowan (and Rowan’s toys). It’s so funny how kids play together at this stage. It’s basically just taking toys from each other and crying about how the other kid is not sharing. Well that’s how Dani and Naya play lol. They try to be a little gentler with Rowan, I think. Except Dani. She is not gentle to anyone lol. I cant wait until they can all play independently. It’ll be the best when it’s family time and we can just lock the kids together in a room and they can play card games or board games together. But it was a really nice family day. It had been a while since we went down to Fullerton. (The pics Eileen took are outrageously cute).

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anakinskywalkerog · 2 years

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yes, oli, im definitely unhinged 😜 but im so happy you think its in the good way omg 😭

YES CONTEXT hes just so bipolar i want to hit him with a machete. no further explanation needed, am i right? dont worry i wont AcTuAlLy (maybe just a little tho) but because he has a gf and she might actually be nice and i dont want to cause a fellow sis sorrow

fair enough, id say hes kind of all 3. i added him on snap and hes so dry but he thinks i like him so hes probably just nervous. messaging him makes me physically ill but its only till the mess is cleared up, whch will be as soon as next monday! machete boi- this is pure god, omg oli, im dying over here-

yeah, but theres too many red flags and its probably better to just... not. theres a lot of fine guys out there. ofc! you have great advice so i will deffo be coming here again 👍 kudos to the anon tho! maybe she did and it backfired and shes upset w u lmaoooo

had a great day today tho! i was talking to some guys all the way home on the bus. one of them i have hated all the way until today afternoon, and now were lowkey frnds lol. im surprised that i actually enjoyed it, but they're good company

all of them have gfs which works out for me since they wont be hitting on me 👌 so i have a bunch of safe friends so all good ❤

they can be so fkn cringe tho XD

<3<3<3

i like unhinged, i’ve been in an unhinged mood myself today

i totes understand getting so angry with a boy for being too attractive and also not wanting to date me lololol but if a machete gets involved, i was no part of it 😅

but i love giving advice! always down. glad you had a good day and i hope you continue to grow in your confidence and vibrate toward your highest self ❤️‍🔥✨ bc boys are so dumb and i’m older than you and they haven’t gotten smart yet in my experience so just focus on yourself 🤙

#answered asks

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technecat · 1 month

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Uh, buckle up, it's a long one.

I got an upper endoscopy today. That's the one where they stick a camera down your throat and look at your esophagus and stomach and you have to do a full fast (not even water) beforehand. I can't tell you much about the procedure part because I was so exhausted that at the first hint of sedation, I was OUT. What I can tell you is how badly I messed up preparing for this thing that went perfectly, smoothly, 100% fine.

I have Anxiety. I like to give it the capital A out of respect, but also because it's part of GAD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is my official diagnosis. Those of you with GAD probably know why I'm specifying, but those without are probably confused at why I'm specifically mentioning GAD instead of just anxiety. Pack in because we're talking about brain feelings and emotions for a sec.

So, GAD is a funky thing because it basically amounts to: A Low Level of Anxiety All The Time: But No Reason, Just Because. It's just like having a layer of anxiety on everything all the time, no triggers required (but things are still triggering! Trust me!). I take medication for it and have been for the past 20 years. It helps a lot! I live a pretty low-anxiety life with meds and the tools I've gained from therapy over the years. If I may toot my own dang horn, I am pretty good at handing my anxiety.

What I'm not good at handling is unknown experiences. I like to have trial runs of things. I like to practice. I also like to know as much as possible about a thing before I try doing it, so that I can have some modicum of control over my emotions and actions when I do it. Now, this isn't to say that I am not extremely adaptable to new situations because- whew- I can adapt to anything as a new normal in about a day, no problem. I'm great at mentally placing myself in a new situation ahead of time and getting comfy.

Which is why the sheer amount of anxiety that I endured in the 24 hours before my procedure was strange. I had already read up on the procedure, talked over the phone with the nurses, and planned out my preparation phase. I was not worried about it going poorly and I was only slightly concerned about being uncomfortable. "Normal people" amounts of anxiety over a new thing. NBD. Really, I wasn't nervous about the medical procedure at all.

What I was nervous about was...the fact that I should be feeling nervous about the procedure. And here's where GAD really gets ya'. The only anxiety trigger was that I was feeling too calm about the whole thing. And again, anxiety folks probably get me here, but it's freaking wild to realize that you are anxious because you feel like you have to be, and not because you have a reason to be. Like my brain was kicking me for slacking on my fight or flight.

Yesterday, the day before the procedure, was a fairly normal Monday for me. Back to classes, back to reminding students that it's not time to relax yet because our final project starts next week, trying to get them to critique each other's work even though it was Senior Skip Day (no one warned me) so a quarter of my students were gone. I was busy with grading and planning out next week, so I didn't really have a chance to think about being nervous for more than a few minutes. I even talked to a coworker at lunch who'd had the same procedure and walked away unscathed and unable to remember any of it.

By the end of the school day though, I could feel it setting in. I was getting a pretty bad migraine (unusual for me on a Monday; my chronic migraines are on a Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday cycle right now) so I guessed it was probably stress and went home right away to lie down.

I did not get back out of bed until this morning. My migraine attack got so bad I was nauseated most of the evening, which really isn't what you want when you can only eat solid food until 8 PM that night, but my brain and my stomach were fighting each other tooth and nail for no reason so I managed a few bits of a tortilla with cream cheese in it, some pear-apple sauce, and 4 oz of oat milk with a little protein mix in it. I topped it all off with a liquid antacid right at 8 so my efforts would not go to waste, and then was only allowed water until midnight.

A little aside here to say that I don't eat a lot but I take small meals quite often. I generally do: liquid breakfast, second breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and sometimes another snack/light dessert if I can squeeze it in. I'm not able to eat solid food in general before 7am or after 8pm. All of this is a result of having a very fast metabolism and what I'd always been told was borderline hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). I always wake up extremely hungry and thirsty and sometimes even dizzy and cranky and can rarely wait more than an hour to have breakfast. If you're following along, you might guess what my next big problem was.

It's now 10 PM the night before and I have sipped a bit of water and taken my normal medication, but nothing else. I've been lying in bed reading WebToons for about 5 hours. Normally, I would already be asleep as I get up at 7 for work, but my appointment wasn't until 8:45 the next day so I decided- bear with me reader, I'm sorry, hindsight is 20/20- I decided to stay up as late as possible so I could force myself to sleep in until the last moment and not have to deal with feeling hungry.

I should count myself extremely lucky that I have had the great fortune in life to have forgotten that hunger makes it hard to sleep. I went to bed at midnight out of sheer exhaustion and woke up...at 7am when my alarm went off. I managed to fall back to sleep until the 7:30 "you're about to be late, leave now" alarm went off and my brain said OK, it's Tuesday let's go. I could not fall back to sleep and what sleep I had was not quality (you never get really good quality sleep from exhausting your brain into it).

So now I'm: hungry, dehydrated, about 3 hours underslept, and extremely, extremely tired and sore from the migraine I had the night before. (Another small aside: the last phase of a migraine attack is the postdrome a.k.a the hangover phase. It feels exactly like a bad hangover and mine usually last around 12-48 hours.)

I am so pissed off and exhausted I have tears in my eyes. I have royally screwed this whole thing up for myself already and it was only partially my fault (partially just bad migraine luck) which made me even angrier. It took me 10 minutes to get dressed because my postdrome brain fog + drowsiness + hunger meant I couldn't focus on anything, let alone finding clothes to put on my body. I kept snapping in and out of being nervous and being too tired to be nervous.

The 20 minutes in the waiting room is absolute torture on my migraine-fried brain. They have a morning news station on the TV that is blasting political attack ads and local news. It switches to a morning talk show with a lady who screams every word she says. Someone nearby is letting their kid play an iPad game with the volume all the way up. I have literally curled up on a chair shielding my eyes from the florescent lighting. My partner is there with me, but he can't do anything to help my brain stop being a stupid baby. I can't sleep because I can hear every damn noise and conversation in the room and see the lights through my eyelids. I was, as they say, extremely overstimulated.

When they call my name I hear it but my body refuses to move. My husband shakes me but it's still impossible for about 10 seconds. I mentally note that my blood sugar must be extremely low-- while simultaneously my partner mentions to the nurse that my blood sugar is low. I have trouble standing and have to lean on him until they get me a wheelchair. They take my blood sugar and it's fine. "It's actually very good! It's 93", chirps the nurse. I don't know what that number means because, like it mentioned, I was only ever diagnosed with borderline hypoglycemia and just always assumed my blood sugar was the problem.

The rest of the stay was uneventful. Like I said at the beginning, everything went smoothly, I don't remember anything from the actual procedure beyond being hooked up to an IV and told to lie on my side. I very briefly spoke with the doctor who apologized that I had a headache from my migraine and when I told him I was used to it he frowned and said, "I don't like that you have gotten used to it". Me neither, bud. But what I remember saying aloud was "it's fine, I'm fine".

I woke up back in the room I started in with my husband sitting in the same place and the nurses popping in and telling me to rest as long as I needed, but also I was good to go whenever "and eat soft foods for a while". I don't remember getting home, only that I had a smoothie and took a 4 hour nap immediately. I am hungry but otherwise unfazed.

Except...the blood sugar thing is still bugging me. And it was bugging me the whole time I was lying in the bed trying to let the IV do its job and chill me out. If it's not my blood sugar dropping that causes me to be so sluggish in the morning, or cease functioning properly if I don't eat every 2 hours (4 maximum) then what the heck have I been dealing with for 20 years?

I've only been diagnosed with chronic migraine since 2019 and they only started being chronic in my 30s; before that, attacks just happened occasionally. I had them misdiagnosed them as food poisoning and sinusitis several times. (If you get sinus headaches a lot, look into seeing an ENT and Neurologist, you might be surprised. And yes, migraine attacks can cause nasal congestion!) So, migraine doesn't seem like the long-term answer even if it may have been the reason why I had issues today. So I guess once we figure out what's wrong with my stomach, I'll need to go to the doctor again and figure out what's wrong with...whatever is wrong with me.

Anyway, I don't have a fun way to wrap up this story, I just wanted to share it with y'all.

#cw: medical #cw: anxiety #cw: hospital #cw: surgery #just text today lads #Y'all tell me if I missed any content warnings my meds are still wearing off #it did count as outpatient surgery but it was at a clinic not a hospital #still same vibes #uncomfortable medical stuff #haha omg it's 20 paragraphs #cw: food

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rubyuji · 1 month

Text

The Reason for My Smile (Kim Mingyu) 🪡

“Guys come on, Mingyu is approved by my brother! How can I not care? I know I’m still scared because of the whole Chan fiasco but can you blame me?” ✮⋆˙

Genre: Angst, Fluff

AU: University!au, Nonidol!au

Pairing: Ex!Chan x Fem!Reader, Brother’s Best Friend!Mingyu x Fem!Reader (Literally Seungcheol’s younger sister)

Warnings: A bit of cursing, a break up over text but that’s about it.

Synopsis: Diving into a long-term relationship is scary for anyone for that matter, except the breakup from yours had left you traumatized because it happened over text. From then on you vowed to never wear your heart on your sleeve ever again, but your brother’s own best friend promised to change your perspective.

Note: My first ever Seventeen fic on this account, so it’s still a work in progress, but it’s definitely something! (Esp since I haven’t written in awhile). It used to be an Enhypen fic originally, but it took a lot of editing and proofreading, along with a lot of changes. Happy reading! Don’t forget to like + reblog! It would mean the world.

Word Count: 7.7k words (I’ve never written so much)

Your relationship with Chan wasn’t precisely the dreamy or ideal relationship you had hoped for but as someone who had almost no experience, put that and being a people pleaser together, and you have whatever is left of your so-called relationship.

It’s not like Chan was a bad person or anything, the boy was quite the softie, so he’s probably just as overwhelmed as you were when it came to dating.

The latter part of the relationship consisted of you trying to understand him as best as you could, that was until inconsistencies started popping up a lot more.

Chan felt distant, he was more busy, despite the two of you being in the same major. That was the whole basis of your relationship after all. At the beginning of your relationship, it was sweet and full of the first times. Chan used to hold your hand, his other one holding your bag, as you would walk to the diner across campus and stay there for hours just talking about your day.

The soft gazes he’d give you whenever your eyes met, the flowers he’d give you on a random day, and the late-night calls wherein one of you ended up asleep. It was like a broken record that rewind itself during the late hours when you would start to question his love for you.

The week after your midterms, you decided to visit your family and stay at home for a little bit.

Your family lived thirty minutes away from campus and you honestly couldn’t bother to make a drive that long every day, so you opted to stay in the dorms to save time, but on occasion, you would suck it up for a few days whenever your living space felt too tight.

Today was one of those days, but it felt a lot worse than you’d like to admit.

“Hey, I’m gonna go stay at my family’s for the weekend, and on Monday, just try not to make a mess here or anything.” You say to your roommate, Bora, who nods without looking at you.

Your roommate had an annoying habit of not looking at people whenever she was focused on her work, but you grew quite used to it and just shrugged it off after a few months.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I only ever have Chaeyoung or Hyewon over so no mess and no broken belongings. Have fun and say hi to Seungcheol for me if you see him, will you? Drive safe Y/n,” Bora finally turns to you from her bed and you laugh.

Seungcheol was a good brother and had a heart of gold, but you couldn’t handle your friends gushing over him in front of your face, it just felt weird when you grew up right beside him, the image of a younger Cheol picking his nose suddenly registering itself into your brain as you cringed.

You couldn’t care less about who he’d date though, it was none of your business, even as his little sister. As long as he didn’t end up hurt or hurting anyone, your brother was free to be with who he liked.

“Sure, I’ll leave a word when I see him. Tell me if anything comes up, and now I’ll get going! Bye, Bora!” You picked up your backpack and made the short walk to your car, ready to go home and lay on your childhood bed, which was admittedly more comfortable than the one you had in the dorm.

You text Chan about going to your family’s place, and the boy follows up with a thumbs-up emoji and an ‘I love you, stay safe’ text.

Your boyfriend didn’t have much to say anyway, and you were starting to grow bored with the way things were going. He probably felt the same way and you couldn’t blame him when you couldn’t keep your mouth shut either, since you seemed to be the only one exerting effort at this point.

He might even find you annoying now but didn’t have the heart to tell you because he was just that nice.

“Breaking up is honestly super tempting right now and I honestly can’t stand it anymore! It’s driving me mad, Cheol!” You whine as you stop at the intersection that leads into your neighborhood.

You didn’t mean to rub it in or anything, but you did live in a wealthier part of town, which explained the long drive home, and you were so glad to see the familiar area after a stressful trip.

It just so happened that halfway through the drive, your poor brother had to endure fifteen minutes of your rambling like some counselor even though he simply just wanted to check up on you.

The light turns green and you finally drive into your street, completely forgetting you were on the phone.

“Fuck don’t ignore me like that, I know how much you both liked your sweet puppy love phase, but get a grip Y/n. Chan is draining you, and he’s probably just as tired as you are. It’s time to stop hanging onto that year you both had,” You pull into your driveway and click your tongue.

Your brother was right, but it also killed you knowing you’d hate the thought of not having Chan around anymore. It was all easier said than done, especially when you felt incomplete without him.

“I see your ass in the driveway, Mom and Dad went out to get food so you have a fuck ton of explaining to do.” You see Seungcheol in the window and laugh before honking at him, scaring the living daylights out of him in the process.

“I’ll be in, like five. Let me get my bag ok? And tell Kkuma I’m here, I missed her.” You turn the engine off and grab your bag from the back, a wave of comfort and warmth washing over your form as you look at the house.

“Anyways, I’ve been contemplating on wanting to break up with him because I think he’s tired of me and maybe I did become quite annoying. Unless I’m invalidating my feelings and gaslighting myself into thinking I’m the problem,” You go on.

At this point, it was past dinner time and you and Seungcheol were in your room, dressed for bed and still talking about your problems. Poor Kkuma looked ready to curl up beside you and sleep but was forced to stay awake because of how miserable you were over some boy.

Seungcheol grimaced and set down a makeshift bed for the poor dog to lie on before turning to look at you with a concerned expression. “I think the latter, but you can be the judge of that. Now-” Cheol was cut off by your phone chiming and you turned to look at who on earth was texting you at one in the morning.

Your face turns pale as you look at the screen, and this automatically worries your brother, but his expression immediately hardens as he knows who it could be from.

“It’s from him isn’t it?” You nod slowly, the tears starting to fall from your eyes, dripping down your cheeks and onto the comforter you were on. Every word hit you like a ton of bricks, you felt helpless.

From: Chanie ^^

You showed Seungcheol the message, only then realizing that your number was also blocked, preventing you from saying anything more. You were appalled, to say the least, your mouth hanging wide open as choked sobs started to come out slowly.

A year, a year went to waste with the person you thought would understand you best, the person you thought would hold your heart close to his, only for him to break it. The person who did the most and still managed to disappoint you.

Seungcheol held you close and you cried into his chest, Kkuma was suddenly on the bed licking your face and the world fell still at that exact moment. The moment you vowed to never trust anyone with your heart ever again.

You were a mess the rest of the semester following the text, crying on the couch the entire weekend as Seungcheol tried to console you, along with your oldest brother, but nothing worked.

You did go to class as normal, but you completely shut everyone out and limited socializing to only your family and friends until after finals.

Your break was coming up, and you were honestly relieved, to say the least. Bora was on the other side of the room getting ready to go home to see her family as well, packing up everything on her side in the process, but then you heard her huff as a pillow hit your head, interrupting the silence that was shared.

“What the fuck Kim?” You whined, taking the pillow and hugging it. Bora plants herself on the spot next to you, you look at her with a frown as she laughs.

“I’m gonna miss you roomie, but I’ll visit you often either way since you’re technically my best friend now. Now stop frowning, Chan was an idiot for breaking up with you. How you managed to get through the rest of the semester, I will never know, but you should go put yourself out there again! There’s bound to be another guy ready to treat you better, so stop moping ok? I know it’ll be hard, but I promise it’s not that bad. Have a bit of fun with it,” You pout at Bora’s words.

She was right, but the breakup over a text fiasco left you traumatized. Chan wasn’t the best boyfriend, and you both had your moments, but you weren’t ready to trust someone again just yet.

What if it ends the same way, or even worse? What if you were too boring? Questions swirl through your mind but Bora snaps you out of it.

“Hey, take it easy. Let’s hang out over break, just us girls showing Chan what he’s missing out on! Can you believe he left you? You’re a gem Y/n, a lot more people want you than you think. Now hurry up and pack the rest of your things!” You take in Bora’s words and nod.

It would be hard, but taking baby steps and meeting new people wouldn’t hurt. No rushing into serious connections just yet.

When you got home that day, you were happy enough to lay on your bed once again, all worries and concerns gone for the next few months. Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door and see Seungcheol walking in. You raise your eyebrow at him and your brother chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I was wondering if maybe we can hang out? Like all of your friends and mine,” Seungcheol looks down and plays with his fingers nervously. You were confused by his proposal but urged him to continue.

“Look, I like Bora and Minghao has this huge crush on Hyewon. Can you at least help us? Please? Look, I’ll take you shopping and even buy you food if I have to,” Your brother sounded like he was pleading almost so you really couldn’t help but feel bad.

“Cheol it’s ok, I’ll take you up on the shopping, now give me a date so I can tell the girls.” You smiled softly. Seungcheol punches the air and you laugh at his antics, you knew Bora also had the biggest crush on him so setting them up would be a breeze. Hyewon was a mystery you had yet to uncover though.

“I barely know your friends though, like I’ve met Jeonghan but who the hell is Minghao and how does he know about Hyewon?” Seungcheol lies down beside you on the bed and opens his phone, showing you a picture of him and three other guys.

Seungcheol then starts pointing out the two new faces to you. The lean and prince-looking one was Minghao and the tall, puppy-looking guy was named Mingyu. You couldn’t help but pay more attention to Mingyu, he was really attractive and you wanted to get to know him.

“Anyways, they’re the two new people in my frat. They’re super cool and like-” “Are you gonna bring Mingyu?” You cut him off mid-sentence, still in awe at Mingyu. Seungcheol’s brows knit and he rolls his eyes at you whilst you stick your tongue out at him.

“What happened to not dating? Come on Y/n, be serious,” You slap your brother’s face jokingly, the male screaming dramatically from beside you.

You didn’t want to get your heart broken again, but putting yourself out there wouldn’t hurt, as long as it didn’t get too serious, you were going to be ok.

“Shut up, it’s not like it’s gonna be a super serious thing just yet. Mingyu looks like a total hottie, I just wanna get to know him, have a little fun and get a bit of attention again,” You were ass at lying, so Seungcheol could only laugh at you.

“I trust you with him, Mingyu’s a very easygoing guy if that’s important to you. He’s also super single because he’s waiting for the right person,” he smirks at you.

Easygoing? And he’s waiting for the right person? On top of all that he’s cute and your brother trusts him with you? It sounded too good to be true.

You were happy for a moment, but doubts started to cloud your judgment once again. He sounded like a good guy, but how long until he turns into Chan and gets bored of you? It was starting to scare you again.

“Cheol, I don’t know-” Your brother gives you a serious look and sits up.

“I hope you understand that he’s not Chan, Y/n. Not all relationships are going to be like your last unless you try to take that leap. I promise you, he’s not a bad guy. Like, if he hurts you, I’ll hurt him because you mean a lot to me” You nod at Seungcheol, finally thinking positively and securely.

Not everyone is going to be like Chan, you knew that, but your memories and feelings for the boy held you back.

“Now, how does nineteenth sound?” Your brother asks you. You text your friends, immediately getting the green light from the three of them, Bora sounding the most excited.

“Perfect, and your girlfriend is just as excited as you are,” Cheol’s face turns a deep red before he runs out of your room in embarrassment, yelling about something along the lines of planning the perfect outfit. You guessed it was probably to impress Bora anyway, so you didn’t question him.

The silence of your room welcomes you once again and you are back into your thoughts. Mingyu sounded like a guy who would take someone seriously, maybe it’s just what you needed because guys your age didn’t have that much to go off of.

He was Seungcheol approved, and you told yourself that a million times, only because he hadn’t approved of anyone else but Mingyu. Chan could get past your parents and oldest brother, but not Cheol, so it was an odd situation to be in.

“I’ll figure it out later, right now, I need to sleep.” You put your phone off to the side and close your eyes.

Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure everything out once the nineteenth rolls around, both Seungcheol and Bora did say similar things, so maybe those two had a point. ‘No wonder they like each other, they’re the same person,’ you thought as the sleep took over.

“Bora, it’s Seungcheol! He’s like Y/n’s male version so you don’t need to freak out that much! Now Y/n, show us the fit. You’re the only one who didn’t show us yet!” Hyewon whined over the phone.

“I’m wearing a gray long-sleeved, asymmetrical knit top, black skirt, and combat boots. For hair, I’m leaving it down and wavy, I don’t care much,” You say softly.

The girls suddenly burst out laughing as you put on your outfit, they didn’t seem to believe you one bit when you said you didn’t care because they knew you genuinely did care and tried not to.

“Guys come on, Mingyu is approved by my brother! How can I not care? I know I’m still scared because of the whole Chan fiasco but can you blame me?” Your friends hum in agreement until you hear the door behind you open.

“Y/n— Are you calling your friends right now? We’re leaving in a minute because Mingyu’s driving so hurry your ass up will you. Also hi Bora! Hi Hyewon and Chaeyoung,” Seungcheol grins stupidly.

You roll your eyes at your brother for obviously singling Bora out and tell your friends that you are going to see them in a bit.

“Bye, Y/n! Have fun looking at your new boy toy driving, already a huge upgrade from Chan!” Wonyoung laughs.

You end the Facetime call with a roll of your eyes before turning to look at Seungcheol with an eyebrow raised. Seungcheol puts his hands up defensively before you both hear a car honking outside.

“Mingyu’s here, grab your bag, and let’s go!” You huff as your brother rushes you, he was practically itching to see his crush, and embarrassingly enough, you too were excited to meet Mingyu and Minghao.

With your bag in hand, along with your phone, you finally follow Cheol outside and see a Range Rover of the latest model in black. Damn, Mingyu was in a different league that was for sure.

Seungcheol opens the door for you as you head in. You see Jeonghan riding shotgun and Wonwoo in the back smiling at you. “Y/n! So happy to see you again, I think this is your first time meeting Mingyu and Minghao,” Jeonghan says from the front.

You squeeze in the center comfortably and nod. Wonwoo was cute, he greeted you politely and was very friendly, but when your eyes met Mingyu’s, you suddenly became quite flustered. He held a sharp gaze, the watch on his wrist not helping you in the slightest.

“The shopping center downtown right?” Seungcheol nods at Mingyu’s words, his deep voice causing you to flush. You prayed to whoever was up there that you would at least survive the day because the tension in the car with him was enough to drive you nuts.

“So Y/n, how’s that thing with Chan?” You freeze up when Jeonghan suddenly brings up your ex, but you forget not everyone knew about the devastating breakup over text.

“We broke up over text...” You reply awkwardly. Jeonghan gasps as your brother runs his palm down his face, he knew better than anyone not to bring up Chan during the time you were still trying to move on.

“Hyung, give her a break. Sounds like it must’ve been rough, I’m sorry about that. He seems like a shitty guy, breaking up with you over text? Are you sure this isn’t a sitcom Y/n?” Mingyu speaks up as he looks at you from the rearview mirror. You feel your cheeks heat up slightly, nodding in embarrassment, but for some reason, you were shocked upon hearing Mingyu’s words.

Wow, he really picked Chan apart in a way you wouldn’t ever dare to. His bluntness snapped you right back to reality and you could hear Minghao chuckle from beside you. “What’s so funny?” You raise a brow at the boy.

“Mingyu hasn’t been this disheartened over anything in a while, it’s crazy that he’s already scrutinizing your ex based on how you broke up,” Minghao explains. Mingyu glares at him and huffs, looking so done and just ready to explain himself.

So far, Mingyu was seriously proving you wrong the more he opened his mouth to say something, but you still weren’t ready because what if he’s even worse? The feeling still lingers and it’s almost like the ghost of your ex is not letting you go just yet.

“Mingyu’s right, I thought you both had something to be fair. Seeing how puppy love was just a phase makes me think I was quite wrong, you deserve better. Like Mingyu here for example! He’s very single and is looking for the right person, which could be you.” Jeonghan jokingly says.

You notice Mingyu’s ears turn red as he pulls into the shopping center. The car was suddenly filled with an awkward silence, everyone stunned at the oldest’s proposition. You and Mingyu had just met, what was he on about with you being his possible partner? It was crazy.

After Mingyu had parked his car, you all made your way toward your designated meeting spot. You could see Cheol and Minghao freeze up upon seeing Bora and Hyewon, causing a laugh to make its way out of your throat.

“Y/n! Over here!” The girls beckoned you over as you purposely ran in their direction to tease the guys.

It was a day to bring them together was it not? Yet you still took the opportunity to tease the boys as you wished. It was pretty funny to look at their reactions knowing they liked your friends.

“Hi guys, I brought Cheol and Jeonghan. The newbies are Minghao and, Mingyu” You say with a pause. Your friends squeal wildly at the mention of Mingyu’s name, shoving you with their elbows as you all laugh.

“Minghao is so cute actually, is he single by any chance?” Hyewon smirks, eyeing the male up and down.

You giggle and nod, your friend had no idea that the said boy was here for her, which made your job of setting them up much easier. Your work was basically cut out for you the moment they laid their eyes on each other.

“Oh don’t worry, you’ll know in a bit. For now, let’s all focus on having fun today shall we?” You sling your hand over Bora’s shoulder, not noticing Mingyu’s intense stare at your form. Seungcheol and Jeonghan notice the action, causing the two of them to nudge the boy playfully.

“Bro, go shoot your shot. There’s so much tension between the two of you, I hope you know that” Cheol laughs.

Mingyu shakes his head at his words profusely, there was no way he was going to overstep a boundary, even if it was Seungcheol himself encouraging it.

Between Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s continuous pestering, Mingyu had felt your gaze on them, causing his cheeks to grow hot. You were really pretty, and that goes without saying, but you had just gotten out of something long-term.

The time needed to heal you first, or at least that’s what he thought, since his mom had always taught him to be patient with the ones he loved or cared about.

“Give her time guys, I don’t think I can just rush in like that. Y/n came out of a slightly traumatizing event, so if you jump right in, it will only push the person away further. I should be friends with her at most while we’re still getting to know each other,” Mingyu makes eye contact with you and notices how you quickly avoid his eyes.

The day had gone by quite smoothly since then, each of you dispersing into little pairs after a while because your friends couldn’t seem to help themselves, which is what led you to where you were now. In a store, with Mingyu, picking out clothes for him to try on.

You had nothing better to do anyway, so why not style your brother’s hot friend, even though Mingyu himself already had impeccable fashion taste?

You bite your lip as you focus on the outfit, visualizing what it would look like on Mingyu, and how you could coordinate everything.

Mingyu thought it was adorable with how much thought and focus you had decided to put in when you were only doing this for fun, he ultimately decided to buy the outfit once he was done trying it on.

“It’s no problem because you did put the time and effort into styling me, I might go ahead and buy it if it does end up being my style,” Mingyu smiles at you softly.

He was sweet, you had to admit. It wasn’t like Chan had noticed you putting effort into styling him so a little affirmation made your heart swell.

“You don’t have to, I kind of play around with it. I bet you will look good since you seem like you’d look good in anything” You admit shyly.

Mingyu was fun to be around, even if it was your first time meeting, you already felt as if you had known the man for a while. All around Mingyu was just considerate and one of the best people you could’ve ever met.

“Yeah, sure you do, I know you put a lot more effort either way. Let me try this on now, otherwise, I’d be too distracted looking into your eyes. Give me a minute and I’ll show you how it looks,” You nod as Mingyu closes the curtain, only then taking in what he had said to you. He was not being serious but was so smooth with how he flirted with you just now.

A minute had gone by and you heard Mingyu call your name, so you made your way over, only to find your heart nearly falling out of your ass the moment you saw him. He looked so good, great even, and you couldn’t help but stare.

Mingyu adorned a white shirt underneath a black zip-up jacket, adding detail by zipping up the bottom of it, and light-wash jeans. It was a really simple outfit, but you had to admit, he did tie the whole look together.

“How does it look? I think you did well honestly, I’ll buy the entire outfit right now. Let me go change so we can go meet up with the others,” Mingyu smiles.

You were amazing at what you did, it impressed him how you were able to pull such an outfit together in just a few minutes.

“I think it looks great, I’m flattered you like it so much that you’d buy it right now. Maybe I can style you again if there is a next time?” You reply shyly. You couldn’t meet Mingyu’s eyes because he looked so good.

From that moment on, Mingyu made it his mission to heal your heart and prove to you that you deserved a second chance at being treated better.

He had come to your house quite often and taken you out a few times, so much to the point that everyone around you started noticing that you were almost always with each other.

“You know what, this is the happiest I’ve seen you. Your relationship with Chan started to strain and you had become more dull and miserable, but being around Mingyu gave you a new kind of glow for some reason,” Chaeyoung quips.

You tilt your head in confusion, you liked his company but you hadn’t noticed any other changes.

“He’s great, but I’m still hesitant. You know how I am, as I get he’s not Chan, but who knows how everything would play out in the long run?” You say sadly.

Mingyu was more than amazing, he respected your wishes not to have a relationship, but still treated you in ways people could only dream of, but in his words, he was ‘courting’ you, something people don’t do much these days.

“Y/n, he’s courting you. Not enough people willingly do that these days, so you have the guy wrapped around your finger. He’s patiently waiting for an answer from you, like do you remember everything you’ve told us?” Hyewon huffs out from above you as she is doing your hair.

It was girl’s night and you had decided to bring up your worries and updates to your friends, but you had forgotten the fact that you had also told them the details about your escapades with Mingyu.

From where you would go to what you did, down to the time he took you home, and if Seungcheol truly did approve of him.

“Did Chan ever actually think about how you felt in a certain situation? You know besides you telling him it’s ok and all? Usually being together with someone for over a year would allow you to read them better, but Chan barely knew your little habits. Bora took them in after a month of knowing you, which is concerning. Now on to Mingyu, what did he say that one time?” Chaeyoung snaps her fingers and you instantly know what she is talking about.

You came home one day and had gone the whole day without eating. You were out with your parents and they hadn’t considered if you were hungry or not since they were busy and had already eaten, so when you got home, you quietly slipped next to Mingyu in the living room after seeing the guys watching a movie.

“Hey, you’re home. How was spending the day with your parents?” Mingyu whispers from beside you. You shrug and he gives you a look that encourages you to tell him more.

“I hadn’t eaten anything, but honestly it’s ok now since I’m not hungry at all…” You trail off.

Mingyu shakes his head and takes his phone out, but you go over to stop him. He shouldn’t spend anything on you, and you already told him you weren't hungry so you felt as if you were only bothering him.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” You see your favorite restaurant on the delivery app on his phone and blush. Did he remember your favorite restaurant and order? That was sweet of him.

“No it’s ok I can manage,” You pretended not to see him already inputting the order and paying for it, but you still couldn’t help it when your stomach growled loudly. Mingyu raises a brow at you as you chuckle awkwardly.

“I’m getting you food, I know you’re hungry” Mingyu laughs. You hit his shoulder but thanked him gratefully for even thinking of you, it was a small gesture but it still meant a lot.

“How about that time he got you flowers for no reason?” Bora says while laughing.

You roll your eyes, she was the first person you had freaked out to over the phone because Mingyu had gotten you a bouquet of roses on a random Thursday with Seungcheol.

“What’s this?” You ask as Mingyu sets down a bunch of fresh roses wrapped in brown paper on the counter in front of you. Cheol and Mingyu had just gotten back from grocery shopping for your mom and then Mingyu came back with flowers, of course, you would be confused.

“I got you flowers because we saw them on the way out, and I thought you'd like them” Mingyu started taking out the groceries from the bags as your brother walked in with the last batch from the car. You flick Cheol’s forehead, but the older male can only smirk and laugh at you.

“Why? There’s no occasion,” You try to excuse, but you couldn’t hide how flustered you were.

Mingyu had thought of you while they were out? He did mean it when he said he wanted to treat you better.

“Can I not get you flowers even if there’s no occasion? Y/n, you don’t need to ask or have a reason to receive flowers, I hope you know that. I’m surprised this hadn’t been done for you more often than not” Mingyu’s back was still turned toward you, which you were thankful for because you probably looked like a tomato at that moment.

That night poor Bora had to endure an earful from you, just because Mingyu was a great guy who treated you the way you deserved.

Thinking back at those moments, you could only see the good in Mingyu, so you wanted your friends’ approval. He was already brother and parent-approved so that only left your best friends.

“Well, do you guys think I should finally give him an answer? It’s been a few months, and even if I am scared, I can’t let this chance go.” Hyewon finishes up your hair and pats your head, signaling her answer. You look at the others, who only grin back at you and you laugh.

“Y/n, he’s been a green flag since the beginning. It’s a good opportunity knowing he’s the type that’s ready to settle down,” Bora also brings up.

Seungcheol had always emphasized that Mingyu was a date-to-marry and long-term relationship kind of guy, which makes sense as to why you were one of the first people he had ever been super serious with when it came to dating.

“You guys are always the best, I’m glad everyone around me approves. I mean, I won’t know until I try right?” Chaeyoung hugs you and you sigh in content.

After a chaotic girls’ night, you had called up Mingyu to meet you at your favorite cafe that the two of you frequented. You were quite nervous, to say the least, but you were ready to take this huge step of moving on with the person who treated you right.

You hear the bell of the cafe chime, and you finally see the person you were expecting. Mingyu walked in, his hair down in its usual state, and in a casual but comfortable outfit.

He looked like he had just come from the gym. Your heart raced at how good he looked, he always did look his best whenever he came to see you, and you always appreciated the effort.

Mingyu spots you and walks over with a wide smile. He was always so damn charming, you couldn’t believe he was all yours. He pulls out the seat in front of you and plops on it, his attention fully on you. ‘Attentive as always, I don’t deserve you,’ you thought.

“You wanted to talk?” Mingyu finally breathes out upon seeing you. You nod and take his hands in yours, you were going to tell him how you finally felt because he deserved an answer. He had already done so much for you, the least you could do was show him that all his efforts were finally paying off.

“I think I’m ready to give you my answer. The past few months you had decided to court me and I’m thankful you were patient enough to wait for my answer. You’ve proved to me that relationships aren’t limited to how I and my ex went about ours and that if a guy wanted to do something, he would. So my answer is already set, I’ll be your girlfriend, Gyu.” You look up at him, only to see Mingyu grinning like an idiot.

He was elated, he finally got the answer he was waiting for and you saying yes only made it a hundred times better. Mingyu fully understood how much your last relationship had affected you, so he only made it a point to court you, knowing you weren’t ready for a commitment just yet.

He wanted you to be ready for him to love you and treat you the way you deserved, so he didn’t push it and waited for you to come around on your own, which you did.

“You have no idea how happy and relieved I am to hear you say that. Y/n, I’m so glad you gave me the chance to love you and care for you. I’m glad you gave me the chance to prove myself to you. I promise I will not hurt you in any way at all, and I promise to be as communicative as possible with my feelings so that you don’t end up in the dark. I want you to know everything because you deserve it,” Mingyu admits, not breaking his gaze on you.

“Mingyu, you’re everything I could’ve ever asked for. I don’t know what else to say. The past few months I’d been so scared to love again, to give a relationship another chance, but you’ve proved me wrong and even waited for me to be ready. You don’t understand how much that means to me,” You continue to fidget with his hands, but then he suddenly takes yours and places a kiss on your knuckle.

You blush at the action, you weren’t used to feeling or receiving this kind of affection since it had been quite some time, but with Mingyu, you weren’t afraid of anything, because you trusted him as much as he trusted you.

Needless to say, even months after you had given Mingyu an answer, he remained the same and still acted like he was courting you.

The only difference? He was finally your boyfriend and you were finally his girlfriend. You felt how serious he was about you when he had even introduced you to his parents, and they were just as lovely as their son was.

“Mom wants to go shopping with us on her birthday this weekend, I told her I would take her on a birthday date but she insisted you come along. She loves you that much already,” Mingyu chuckles as he walks into your room, fresh out of the shower. You laugh, his mom was the sweetest person, and you finally understand where your boyfriend gets it from.

“I’m down if she’d like, but you’re not getting me anything ok? You already spoil me enough and I don’t want you to spend too much–” You squeal as you feel Mingyu’s arms around you, the two of you falling flat on the bed.

Before you two could move from your position, you heard a knock at your door. It was Seungcheol, and you immediately pulled away from Mingyu once you saw him, still flustered and embarrassed from the previous action.

“Hey, if you two are going to be in the house, at least have some decency while I’m here!” Your brother whines.

You laugh and see him let Kkuma in the room. She had been with Cheol the whole day, so you and your siblings usually took turns spending time with the dog. You were the sibling in Kkuma’s night shift, meaning you had to take the dog in for the night since she liked sleeping in your room.

You thank Cheol for letting Kkuma in and bid your brother goodnight. Once the door closed, you looked over to see your boyfriend on the floor with Kkuma laying on her back.

“Hey, that’s my dog! Kkuma, you can’t just steal my boyfriend like that, and Gyu you can’t just do that to my child!” You joke. They looked perfect, and suddenly you start to imagine what your little family with Mingyu would look like.

Mingyu was the perfect partner to settle with, after all, he was caring and dependable, but also super honest and was not afraid to show or express how he felt. He just knew whenever you weren’t up to do something, or if something was bothering you.

“Is something wrong?” Mingyu noticed that you were more quiet than usual today because you almost always told him about your day. He noticed how your smile hadn’t reached your eyes and how you were fidgeting with your fingers more.

“It’s nothing” You tried to brush it off, but truthfully, you weren’t doing well. You just didn’t have the strength to let him know or the strength to explain how you felt, all you wanted to do was rest and go to sleep.

“It’s hard Gyu, I don’t know how to deal with everything. I don’t have the energy to stress over anything right now,” You whisper. Mingyu rocks you back and forth, still playing with your hair as he places kisses on your forehead.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, I hope you know that I’m proud enough that you decide to wake up every day and do everything with a smile, even if the world has wronged you. you’re so brave and amazing Y/n, please do not ever doubt yourself” Mingyu replies softly.

“Gyu, you don’t understand how much your words have helped me” You kiss him softly. You felt so lucky to have him, he was beyond the best partner you had ever been blessed with.

“Mingyu, could I ask you something?” You say suddenly. The two of you were at his parent’s place since Mingyu had decided to take you to his childhood home in Anyang as a gift for your four-month anniversary.

“Mhm?” He hummed, putting down a plate of food on the coffee table in the living room, and sitting next to you on the couch.

“Tell them that saying I love you isn’t easy when it comes to us, you haven’t said it either so we’re simply making sure that I can say it when the time is right. It’s not that I don’t or anything, but those words aren’t exactly an easy thing to just pop out there. The time will come when we can both say it meaningfully. Right now, we are still early into our relationship and have a lot to learn. I hope you understand where I’m coming from” he tells you.

It wasn’t that hard to understand what he meant. Mingyu had always been more careful, even if he didn’t say I love you, he still affirmed you and expressed his love for you in his actions.

Loving someone still comes in many forms, so the words I love you could wait because they should come from a place where you both fully understand and can comprehend how meaningful the three words are.

“I honestly think the same way, in a sense, I’m glad you’re honest about how you feel because I’ve been in a place wherein I was pressured into doing the action just because it was normal for everyone else, but not all of us are the same. Thank you, Gyu, you’re always the best with words.” Mingyu holds you close and you both sigh in content.

He wanted to treat you better, and he did. He wanted to show you better, and he expressed it in the best way possible.

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