#ex!harry
Text
Pillow Talk*
Summary: The one where you and Harry both have insomnia, and decide to spend one very strange night together.
Word Count: 7.2k
Content Warning: 18+, smut, daddy kink, mentions of drugs, angst (w/ happy ending!), not suitable for Ramadan!
“Oh, absolutely not.”
“Come on. Just one time.”
“No. Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“Probably. I haven’t slept in 32 hours.”
You huff as you hide yourself behind your door. You don’t even want to see him. Because you don’t want to have this conversation or entertain this idiotic idea. This is what Harry does. He plays games. He tricks and he ruins and if you open this door, you know you’ll regret it.
“Poppy, please,” he calls, and you hear his forehead land on the wood as though to brace himself. “I’ve tried everything else, okay? It always works with you. I just…I wanted to try. See if it still does.”
You frown. “You realize how wildly inappropriate this is, right? Asking if you can come in just so we can sleep together?”
“Yeah, but that’s all I want to do. Sleep,” he insists again. “Really. I’ll keep my hands to myself and I won’t even talk to you.”
You consider this. Truthfully, you haven’t slept all that well since the breakup, either. And sure, you’ve longed for the nights when the two of you would fall into such an easy, simple, and incredibly effective routine.
But he broke your heart. And now you’re both paying the price.
“Just one night,” he pleads again. “And if it doesn’t work, I swear I won’t bother you ever again.”
There’s a subtle ache in your chest. Just hearing his voice reminds you of the pain. Of the joy. Of every good moment and every bad one, all wrapped up in the same silky cadence.
You take a deep breath. Perhaps you’re curious, too. Even if you don’t want to be. Because maybe this will work. Maybe you’ll finally be able to rest and get on with your life.
Or maybe it won’t.
But at least if it doesn’t, maybe you can find some closure.
So, with that thought…you open the door.
He looks worse than you’ve ever seen him. Which makes you just a touch happy if you’re being honest with yourself. His usual curls are askew and unkept. The bags under his eyes are dark and his clothes are wildly wrinkled.
And you’re surprised. He’s been up for longer than 32 hours before and handled it much better. You wonder if his age is catching up with him or if there’s something else keeping him awake.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
But you don’t fight with him. He’s not here to fight and you accept his terms as you widen the door and allow him to step inside.
He nods gratefully as he slips into your living room, but his eyes linger on your face. Almost like he doesn’t recognize you, and it makes your insides turn as you shut the door and put a few feet between you.
“What?” you huff.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know, you look…different.”
“Okay…?”
“You changed your hair.”
“Yeah.”
“Hm. It’s nice.”
You cross your arms. “Thanks.”
“Sure.”
Another pause, and the silence feels heavy.
“Well…do you wanna…?” you eventually say, and he nods.
“Right, yeah.”
“Okay.”
You turn to lead him to your room and it’s…unsettling how normal it feels. Like an old habit rearing its ugly head once again.
When you get there, his surprise returns. “You changed your room, too.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Why?”
Your eyes roll as you angrily toss your blankets back. “This is the one room I associated with you the most. And short of moving, I needed something you hadn’t touched or tainted. So I made the room mine again.”
He thinks about this, attention lingering on the new paint on the walls and the new furniture in each corner. “I like it.”
“I don’t care.”
He smiles. “I know.”
“Great. Can you get in the bed please so we can get this over with?”
Obliging, he slips off his shoes and joins you under the duvet. “Never thought I’d hear you say that again.”
“Never thought I’d have to say it.”
“Mm. You changed your mattress.”
“Obviously.”
“And the sheets and blankets, too.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Is there anything in here you didn’t change?”
“The carpet. But only because my landlord said I couldn’t.”
“Right.” He’s smiling again. “But you did get a rug.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s nice.”
“Bite me.”
He laughs now and you want to smack him. “I see you still get grumpy when you’re tired.”
“No, I get grumpy when my asshole of an ex shows up to my apartment at 3 in the morning demanding to be let in so he can sleep in my bed with me like a fucking child,” you argue. And you know you’re being snippy and maybe even rude, but he deserves it. After everything he’s put you through, you deserve to be in charge of your own emotions.
You turn the lamp off and the dark room grows incredibly quiet. You’re both stiff, unable to relax when you’re this close. You don’t want to touch—not the way you used to. And you don’t want to be close or let your guard down, although you suppose you’ll have to in order to sleep.
And then he says, “I really did try, you know. To find another way to sleep.”
You look up at the ceiling and release a soft exhale. “Okay.”
“Melatonin, light therapy, cut out coffee. Even drank those…sleep mocktail things everyone talks about.” He shifts. “I don’t know, I guess my brain just wouldn’t turn off.”
“Yeah. I know.”
More quiet.
“I haven’t done any since we broke up,” he finally says. Gentle, like he’s afraid to break the silence.
Your lashes flutter. He doesn’t have to say it for you to know what he means. “Great.”
“Yeah.” Another beat. “I thought it was work, I guess. Maybe the stress or something. I’ve been sleeping fine, but these past couple weeks…”
“Right.”
“And I just figured—”
“No, I got it. It’s fine, let’s just…let’s just try to sleep,” you say and he nods.
The bedroom settles and you try, you really do. But you can’t when he’s breathing so goddamn loud and shifting every two seconds and sighing like he’s in pain.
“What?” you eventually hiss.
“Are you dating someone?” he asks.
“What?”
“Are you dating someone?” he repeats. “Josie said you were.”
You hesitate. “I don’t know. Kind of. I guess.”
“You guess?”
“We’re…we’ve been on a few dates. It’s not official.”
“He hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend?”
“Why does it matter?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t. I just figure you deserve someone that actually wants to date you.”
“Oh, do I?” You roll your head to look at him. “Funny, you didn’t seem to think so when you were dating me.”
“All right, touché,” he mumbles. “I could have been better, I know that. And I know I took advantage. You did a lot for me and I didn’t…I didn’t care.”
Surprised, you twist your fingers together. “Uh…yeah. Right. Thank you.”
His head rolls, too. And even with the dim-light, his eyes find yours. “I’m sorry, Poppy. You really did deserve better than me. And if you found it with this guy…I’ll be happy for you.”
You swallow before sighing to yourself. “I mean, I don’t know if I did. He’s…he’s really nice. But he’s so…he’s just…”
“Vanilla?”
Your eyes widen. “Yeah. How did you—”
“He was wearing Crocs with tube socks.”
You laugh—loud. “Oh my god, how did you know?”
“I might have looked him up,” he admits through a grin. “Wanted to make sure he was worth your time.”
“Yeah? And?”
“And he wears Crocs with tube socks. He can’t make you cum.”
Your features scrunch together as you gasp and look away. “Ew, Harry. It’s not about that—”
“It’s always about that. Come on, am I wrong?”
“You—yes. What he wears has nothing to do with what he’s like in bed—”
“So he’s not vanilla?”
“He’s…” You pause. “He…look, he really tries—”
“So, he is,” Harry finishes for you. “Well, at least you got some.”
“I…yeah. Uh-huh.”
Instantly, he turns onto his side, head resting in the palm of his hand as he studies you. “He couldn’t get it up, could he?”
“Harry,” you groan, and reach out to swat him. “Stop, it wasn’t that. We just…we were taking things slow. We did some stuff. Just not…all of it.”
“So what he’d do?”
“Harry—”
“Come on, we’re adults, just tell me.”
“Ew, no—”
“Listen, you used to get fucked good. I’m just trying to help you get back to that.”
You frown but do oblige. “I don’t know. He ate me out and I blew him. That’s it.”
“And…?”
“And…I don’t know. He was fine. He was good.”
“Sure.”
Your eyes roll. “Okay, he…he wasn’t really all that into it. He stopped after a few seconds and asked if I came. Then he said his jaw was tired and that maybe we should just switch.”
Now, Harry’s features scrunch, too. “Shit. What a fucking pussy. Ironically.”
“I guess. It could have been worse.”
“Really? Eating you out was always my favorite. What kind of asshole just stops if he doesn’t have to?”
You feel a rush of heat through your body as you look away. “I guess they can’t all be you.”
“Damn fucking right,” he scoffs. “Seriously, you still wanted to see him after that?”
“He’s cute,” you argue. “And nice. And yeah, maybe he’s not that adventurous but that’s okay. I don’t need wild sex all the time.”
He’s quiet. “How about just one time?”
You turn back. “What?”
“I—okay, I was just thinking…you know, one of the things we would do when we couldn’t sleep was…fuck, so—”
“Oh, absolutely not.” You sit up, as though to put some distance between you. “No. Forget it—”
“Poppy—”
“Don’t call me that,” you huff. “You don’t get to call me that ever again. Okay, I’m not gonna fuck you just so we can sleep—”
“It wouldn’t be just for that,” he argues, sitting up as well. “It would also help your mood, too—”
“Oh, my mood?” You glare at him. “My mood is just fine, actually. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty good if I agreed to let you in my apartment in the first place—”
“You didn’t have to. I’m just saying, if sex with him is gonna be bland, might as well get in one last good fuck before you commit to a lifetime of boring—”
“Oh, my god. It’s not a lifetime and you’re a fucking asshole—”
“Yeah. We’ve established that. Doesn’t change the fact that you need it.”
You stare at him. “Is that why you’re really here? To trick me into sleeping with you?”
He leans back. “What? No. I don’t trick people into having sex, it was just a suggestion—”
“Yeah, a pretty dumb one. Did you honestly think I’d say yes?”
“Yeah,” he admits haughtily. “Yeah, because we didn’t break up over the sex. We broke up because you’re an uptight—”
“What? Say it,” you sneer. “Say it. I’m an uptight bitch because I wouldn’t let you do cocaine.”
He scoffs again and looks off into the dark of your room. The argument lulls. “I could never do anything right.”
“That wasn’t the problem and you know it.” You pull your legs to your chest. “I wanted to move forward and you kept going back. You’re almost 30 and you still act like you’re 19.”
“Maybe I didn’t want to get married and do the whole white picket fence life,” he says. “Maybe I liked things the way they were—”
“No. No, you liked parties with your friends and doing drugs that kept you up for hours and getting fired and leaving me to pay all the bills—”
“You didn’t pay all the bills and I told you I would do what I could to help—”
“Yeah. But apparently that included getting fucked up and staying out all night just to crash the next day.” You study him closely. “You were never around anymore. I never saw you. We were on two different paths and the only time we ever talked was when you asked if I wanted to fuck.”
“So, that’s it, huh? I’m just a villain in your story. You were this perfect fucking princess, and I was a monster that ruined your life?”
“No, obviously not. I wasn’t perfect. I know that.”
“Do you?” His eyes flick between yours. “You didn’t want me to move forward with you. You liked your new job and your new friends because they didn’t remind you of me. Of who we both used to be.”
“So? I’m not proud of what I used to do. And sure, maybe I wanted to make a better impression on the people paying my salary and keeping me employed. Is that such a fucking crime?”
“No. But you didn’t want me to be a part of that impression and you know it.”
“Right. Because you were shit-faced all the time.”
He opens his mouth, ready to retort. But then he closes it. He closes it and he stares at you and then…he surges forward.
Even if you were given at least two seconds to prepare, you’re not prepared for the way his hands feel on your cheeks as he kisses you. As he presses his lips to yours and steals the labored breaths in your lungs.
But you don’t fight him. You know you should. Know you should push him off and berate him. Yet you let him kiss you. And you kiss him back. And it’s far too easy to slip back into this routine as his tongue slides against yours in such a teasing way.
Your stomach flips while your hands land on his lap. You’re desperate to be closer, to feel his body against yours. His skin, and the way it melts beneath your palms like butter. You dance this devious dance and before you know it, you’re stripping each other of the few clothes you have.
He starts with your shirt. Ripping it over your head before his mouth lands on your chest. Bare and beautiful to him. His kisses are wet and sloppy and you arch yourself closer as you drag your fingers down his scalp.
The only reason he stops is to let you peel his t-shirt off, too. And then his jeans and socks. And you move so fluidly, you’re nearly naked in under a minute. The only thing left between you now his underwear and yours.
He lays you down, gentle. Surprisingly gentle, given the anger that brought you here. And he gazes at you in a soft, unspoken way that says everything you don’t exactly know how to say.
His fingers brush down your cheek as his body settles atop yours. He still fits between your legs like he was always meant to and the weight of him almost feels good.
“Are you all right?” he finally whispers, and he doesn’t sound like the same man from before. He sounds like the man you fell in love with. “Is this okay?”
You nod quickly, scared that if you think about it, you’ll ruin it. “Yeah. Go.”
He doesn’t. “We don’t have to,” he says. “You were right, it’s probably a dumb idea—”
“Yeah, but…it always works.” You shift beneath him and reach for his briefs, rolling them down his hips. “And I’m tired. Tired of fighting with you, tired of not getting any sleep…tired of pretending I hate you. You were right, our sex is good. So let’s do it. And then we can sleep. And we can finally move on.”
Not the most romantic of speeches, but it works. At least right now. He kisses you again and drags your underwear aside in order to tease you with the tip of his cock.
He feels like you remember. And maybe you find just a touch of comfort in that. There are no awkward pauses or confusion about what to do next. You don’t have to find your rhythm or anticipate the next step. You know him. And he knows you.
Your rub your clit in order to stimulate yourself. You aren’t exactly wet enough for this to be enjoyable, but you don’t expect him to do what he did before. The foreplay is up to you now and you’re more than all right with that.
However, he’s not. And he instantly swats your hand away in order to do it himself. Allowing his fingers to drag up and down your pussy until you shiver before he slips the tip of his middle finger inside.
“Shit,” he whispers. His forehead drops to yours. “Fucking missed this.”
You bite the inside of your lip to keep from grinning. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He starts to pump, bending your body to his salacious intentions until the unmistakable sound of wetness echoes throughout the room. “I know you missed it, too.”
“Hm. Don’t push it.”
“Why not?” He presses a kiss to your cheek. Then to your jaw. Your lips. Your nose. Your neck. Everywhere you used to love. “Are you really gonna tell me you didn’t?”
“Maybe.”
“So Crocs with Tube Socks is better, huh?”
“…not exactly.”
“Right.” He adds a second finger and your eyes roll back. “Don’t worry, Poppy, I’ll fix it.”
“Don’t…call me that,” you pant again, and he chuckles.
“Don’t know what else to call you. You were always my pretty Poppy.”
“But now I’m not,” you say. “Now you call me nothing. Because I’m not yours to call.”
He sighs but does seem to obey, at least for now. And the faster he thrusts his hand, the needier this growing feeling becomes. Stronger and louder until you finally grab onto his shoulders and say, “Just put it in already.”
He smirks. “How romantic.”
“It’s not supposed to be. Just come on.”
So, he does. He takes hold of his cock and he slips it through the gathering arousal until he can push in. And you both reel.
Truthfully, you’ve missed the sounds he makes when he’s turned on. The way he groans and grits his teeth together. The way the muscles in his arms strain until you can see those beautiful veins you used to love to run your tongue over.
He’s stunning. Even now, in the soft light of the moon through your curtains. His silhouette is unholy as it hovers above you. Strong hips beginning to thrust as you both work in tandem to find release.
And it’s closer than you expected. There’s something about him that can get you there even without much effort. Something Crocs with Tube Socks could never seem to figure out.
Because he’s not Harry. And only Harry can play you like an instrument and make such symphonic music all with the flick of his finger and a thrust of his cock.
He kisses you again and you both feel anxious. Soft murmurings of praise and, “Keep going,” that have you arching from the bed and moaning into his mouth.
You’re sweating and gasping for air and clutching onto his back as you attempt to meet his rhythm with rolls of your own. You need this. You need to cum so you can find release and you need to cum so you can finally sleep and you need to cum because then you’ll finally be able to let him go. To close the door on the chapter of you and Harry and move the fuck on.
But how can you move on when you’re still under him? How can you insist that you’re fine and doing great if you’re so easily convinced to fuck him just so you can both get some sleep?
There are other remedies to insomnia that don’t involve his cock and maybe you should have tried that before you let him into your apartment.
Either way, you’re coming before you can think twice about it. Raking your nails down his back and whimpering his name as he pulls out and finishes on your thigh.
And just like that…
It’s over.
You find him in the kitchen about an hour later. You managed to sleep at least a few minutes before you felt the sadistic hand of insomnia pull you back out. But when you woke, Harry was gone. His clothes were still on the floor, so you knew he hadn’t left. But he wasn’t with you.
He’s staring out your kitchen window when you slip into the living room. You’re not sure if he hears you or not but if he does, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he keeps himself braced against the sink, clad in nothing more than his briefs.
Curious, you call, “What’s wrong?”
He shakes his head. Silent. Contemplative. “I used to love this window,” he eventually says. Soft, like he’s reminiscing. “The way the light looked in the morning. The way your little crystals would put rainbows on the wall and you’d get so excited. How you’d make me dance with you to some Elton John song while we were literally in the middle of cooking.”
You blink. “Um…okay.”
He turns and his eyes find yours. “I fucking loved this apartment. And this kitchen. And that couch. And your room. And even the hallway. I loved being here, all the time. I hated going back to my place because it never felt the same.”
The silence grows louder now as you look down at your feet and pull your robe just a bit tighter. “I know,” you finally whisper. “That’s why I changed it.”
“I know,” he whispers back. His expression falls. “You changed everything. This apartment, your life…us.”
“Because I had to,” you argue, glancing back up. “I had to, Harry. I couldn’t keep going in circles. I couldn’t drag you along behind me into the future when you clearly wanted to be anywhere else.”
“Because the future you always painted didn’t seem to have room for me,” he huffs. “Okay, with all these dinner parties and fancy houses and good school districts. You’d planned out the next 30 years and I didn’t see myself anywhere in your picture.”
“I didn’t fucking care about the parties or the school districts,” you nearly yell. “God, I—I didn’t want the white picket fence life. I didn’t want the 1950’s American Dream shit you keep thinking I did. I just wanted you. Yes, I wanted a good job with insurance and stability. But I wasn’t gonna trade what we had just for that—”
“But you did. You didn’t tell your parents we’d moved in together. You didn’t even tell half of our friends. You went on trips without me and you stopped telling me about your day and we never talked—”
“Because you were never around! You were either out with your friends getting drunk or high or you were in there playing video games because you’d had a ‘hard day.’ So, no. I didn’t want to talk to you when I knew you weren’t even listening in the first place.”
He leans against the counter and crosses his arms. Angry. Indignant. “You resented me. You resented the fact that we were together and you resented that I wasn’t perfect like your precious new friends—”
“Oh, that’s—” You pinch the bridge of your nose and force in a deep breath. “No. I didn’t want you to be like them. I didn’t want you to act pretentious and stuffy and talk about the stock market every goddamn second of the day. The only thing I resented…was the fact that you wouldn’t take care of yourself.”
“I was taking care of myself—”
“Bullshit. You were doing drugs—you were doing cocaine—and you weren’t eating, you weren’t sleeping, you nearly drunk yourself to death—”
“Right, but I wasn’t doing it all the time. It was just…it was occasionally, and it wasn’t a lot—”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t have been doing it at all, Harry,” you finally shout. “You…you scared the shit out of me. Every time one of your friends would call and say you were passed out, I thought…I thought this was it. I thought I was gonna lose you. Do you know how many times I just sat on the floor and cried because I was so scared? Because you never wanted to listen when I told you to stop? Because you were so sure you were invincible?”
He seems pained by this, features wilting as he takes a tentative step forward. But he stops when you move back. “Poppy, I wasn’t trying to scare you, I…I didn’t know—”
“Yes, you did,” you scoff. “I told you, over and over that I didn’t want to lose you, but you thought I was being dramatic.”
He nods once. “I know, I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?”
“Yeah. I am.” He looks at you. “S’why I stopped after we broke up. You were right, I needed to get my shit together.”
You nod, too. “Good. I’m glad.”
His gaze dances around the kitchen. “I hate that you changed everything,” he says again, and your heart wrenches. “I hate that it doesn’t look like it used to. I hate that I hurt you so bad that you felt like you had to erase everything I ever touched.”
You step closer and wipe a tear from your cheek. “Yeah, I hate it, too. I hate that I had to. I hate that stupid mattress and I hate that my kitchen doesn’t look like a rainbow anymore and I really fucking hate that I have no one to dance with when I cook.”
His eyes soften as they find yours and in only a few seconds, he’s reaching for the belt on your robe and tugging you to him. Wrapping you in his arms as he presses you against his chest, the way he always used to when you were sad.
“No,” you argue weakly, although you do nothing to stop him. “No, you can’t…you can’t—”
“Yes, I can,” he retorts quietly. You feel his lips press to the top of your head. “You don’t get to cry over me anymore. You’re better than that now. You did what I couldn’t. You moved on. And I don’t get to ruin that for you.”
You sniffle as you run your hand down his stomach. “It wasn’t about moving on. I just needed to learn how to be strong enough for both of us.”
“Poppy,” he breathes and holds you tighter. “You shouldn’t have to be.”
And deep down…you know he’s right.
“Shit, just like that…a little closer. Good girl, hold yourself open for me, baby. Yeah.”
Doing your best to oblige, you slip your fingers between your folds as Harry nudges his nose closer. Kissing his way along your thighs before allowing his tongue to lick a very generous stripe up your pussy.
Round 2 is on the couch. Harry wanted the kitchen counter—nearly insisted on it, in fact—but you knew you didn’t want to ruin your favorite breakfast spot. And you weren’t about to just for him.
So, the couch it was. He complained about it as you got settled. He hates this new couch, too. The color, the lumpy cushions, the way it feels like you’re sinking when you sit.
You told him you didn’t care. You loved it and if it annoyed him, that was a bonus.
Thankfully, he swallowed his complaints in favor of swallowing you. He tossed your robe open and pulled your thighs apart. And then he buried himself between the warmth of your pussy the way he always used to.
And you decided that maybe you don’t mind insomnia so much if this is the remedy.
“Missed this, too,” he says now as he nips at your clit. “God, you’ve always tasted so fucking good. S’fucking crazy, baby. Can’t ever get enough.”
“Sure,” you snort, head dropping back. “I’m sure you say that to all the girls—”
“No.” He shakes his head and his nose nudges the sensitive nerves as you whine. “No, there’s no other girls. Come on, did you really think there could be?”
“With a mouth like that? Yeah,” you admit. He laughs. “That’s how we met. You were such—fuck—such a player.”
“Maybe,” he concedes before mouthing at you again. “But nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do.”
You snort. “Where’d you learn that line?”
“It’s not a line. It’s the truth.”
“Harry. Come on. I know you.”
“Then you should know I don’t say shit I don’t mean.” He smooths his palms down your thighs in order to spread you just a bit further and see the way your hole flutters. “Oh, pretty girl. S’just drenched, hm? All sensitive from the last one…need Daddy to make it better?”
You scrunch your nose. “You don’t get to call yourself that anymore.”
“No?” He grins. “Why not?”
“Because I hate you and Daddy is reserved for someone I like.”
He tsks. “I don’t know, kind of seems like you still like it. Keep clenching around my tongue like you wanna hear me say it again.”
You hesitate as you weave your fingers through his curls. “Never.”
He hums and the vibration against your cunt makes your thighs twitch. “Come on, baby. Don’t be mean to Daddy.”
You want to glare. Slap at him, refuse him. But he’s right—you have missed the moniker. If only just because of how good he sounds when he says it. So, you let him tease you and taunt you as he tastes you. You let him do whatever the hell he wants because your second orgasm feels stronger than the first and you don’t imagine you’ll survive this one.
He slips a finger in as well. Beckons your pleasure closer with every curl of the large digit. It’s practiced. He sucks and licks and nips and thrusts and curls and pumps all at the same time.
Then, he pulls back and brings his palm down in a sharp smack to your pussy.
“Stop squirming,” he instructs, then shoots you an obviously pleased frown. “Don’t be a brat.”
“M’not,” you whimper. “Not a brat…just wanna cum.”
“Do you, hm?” He licks you again then adds two fingers. “Should I let you?”
“Obviously.”
“Obviously?” He’s smirking now as he starts to go faster. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you do deserve it. Yeah? After being so nice as to let me in.”
You pout. “Mhm.”
He’s so happy. He’s always his happiest when he’s suffocating himself with your pussy. He does everything he knows you love. He leaves teasing kisses to the inside of your thighs. He slaps at your leg, your clit, your hip. He helps rock you against his tongue and even lifts you from the couch to find a deeper angle.
And he does all of this out of sheer enjoyment.
“Harry,” you whimper as you melt into the cushions. Your limbs feel like jello. The pleasure is everywhere, and he looks like a god. His face is covered in you, glistening about as bright as the stars.
“I know, Poppy,” he says. He kisses your pussy and then smiles at you. “I know.”
You like the way Harry’s chest feels. Warm and soft and painted in the tattoos you used to trace with your finger.
He’s gently scratching your back as you both lay in bed. The room is quiet—you haven’t spoken in minutes. Still, neither of you can seem to find sleep and you know you’ll desperately need it soon.
But this is nice. Even if it is the last time. You like getting to reminisce—pretend for even a moment that things are the way they used to be. When you were happy and safe and content to be together.
You weren’t sure you’d ever feel this kind of peace again.
“I missed you, too, you know,” he whispers after a moment.
You glance up.
“I didn’t just miss your apartment. I missed you.” He takes a breath and runs his palm along your spine. “I miss our Sunday mornings and I miss when we’d watch scary movies just so we could make out and I miss the way you used to dance around in your underwear to some stupid musical you were obsessed with.”
You swallow a lump in your throat. “Har…”
“And I don’t know what happened,” he says. “I felt like…I felt like I was watching you do all these amazing things and I just couldn’t keep up. You were getting promoted and moving up and I was still at the fucking bar serving drinks. And you knew what you wanted to do. I didn’t.”
“I didn’t know,” you argue gently. “Not really. I hate my job. I hate that I don’t enjoy it the way I used to. I mean, I like that it pays the bills, but maybe that shouldn’t be enough.”
He presses his cheek to the top of your head. “You should do what makes you happy.”
“You used to make me happy.”
The soft strokes against your spine slow.
“You did, Har,” you tell him. “So happy. That’s why I hated that we started fighting all of the time. I hated that you were gone or that I was gone or the fact that I was too ashamed to tell you that I missed you. And that I was scared we were losing each other.”
“Maybe we needed to lose each other,” he says and you feel sick. “Maybe we needed to be apart to see what we really wanted.”
You think about this. The idea sounds nice. Inviting. A happy end to a rather dreadful story.
But you both know better. Five months has taught you better.
“There’s a reason we broke up,” you finally murmur. “We didn’t…we didn’t like each other anymore. We were holding each other back—”
“I liked you,” he says softly. “I loved you. Yeah, I was mad, but I didn’t just stop loving you.”
“Maybe you should have. Maybe it would have been easier for us and we wouldn’t be…here.”
More silence. It stretches for what feels like hours.
And then, “I can’t sleep because of you.”
You suck in a quiet breath. “What?”
“When Josie told me that you were seeing someone, I couldn’t…I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And she showed me a picture she took of you guys and you were so happy. Smiling at him like you used to smile at me and I just…I didn’t know what to do.”
Another pause. You don’t know what to say.
“I put my fist through a wall,” he tells you. “And somehow, that still didn’t hurt as much as knowing you’d moved on.”
You snake your arm around his middle and snuggle closer. “Harry, you knew we both had to move on eventually.”
“Did we?”
“Harry…”
“But so soon? It’s only been five months.”
“Yeah. Five months to grieve you and cry over you and realize I did this for you.” You close your eyes. Tight. “We’re better people now.”
“No, we’re tired people now,” he teases, and you smile. “And I think I’ll be losing sleep over you for the rest of my life.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I mean it. I’m always gonna think about you. Think about what I did wrong. What I could have done better.”
“I fucked up, too,” you argue. “I should have told my parents. And our friends. I should have talked to you more, asked you to do more things together. You’re right, I was ashamed of you. Of this…routine we’d fallen into. And I’m sorry.”
He says nothing. After all, there’s nothing more to say.
But he kisses the crown of your head and it speaks louder than any words.
“Fuck…fuck, Poppy, please—”
You grin as you lick your lips. He’s always sounded the most beautiful when he’s begging. And his best begging always tends to happen when his cock is down your throat.
“What, Daddy?” you ask innocently. “What do you need me to do?”
His eyes roll back and he grips the sheets in his fist. “Please…”
You reposition yourself over his legs as you dip back down to have another taste. You lick and you suck and you stroke until he’s making another strained noise that sounds like sex.
You hope your neighbors can hear. You bet they missed him.
“Good boy,” you purr, squeezing his thighs as you take him even further.
He sucks in a sharp breath through gritted teeth before his hand finds your hair and he squeezes. “Easy…easy, baby. S’been a while. Don’t hurt yourself—”
You respond to his instruction by inhaling through your nose and relaxing the muscles in your throat. Allowing him to hit the back the way he always used to.
His head drops into the pillows. “Shit—Poppy, I mean it. M’not gonna fuck your throat. It’s gonna hurt and I don’t wanna hurt you anymore.”
It’s an oddly thoughtful gesture but it does nothing for you now. Instead, you shake your head and pull off, a string of saliva dripping down his cock in your wake. “I’m fine, H. Trust me, I can take it.”
“Yeah?” He pushes up onto his elbows. “Is Crocs with Tube Socks hung or something?”
You grin. “No. But that dildo you got me last year is.”
He blinks. “You…fucking hell, you fuck your throat with that?”
“Mhm.” You swirl your tongue around his tip as he curses. “And then I fuck myself. And I pretend it’s you.”
He tightens his hold on your hair and forces your eyes back to his. “Are you serious?”
You nod, now feeling a touch shy as you wipe your mouth with your knuckles. “Yeah…I know that’s…probably weird, but…I mean, you got it for me, so I thought I’d be weirder to think about someone else—”
“No, it’s…” He stops. Struggles. “Shit, I really needed to hear that.”
“Oh, you did, huh?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t want you to think about anyone else when you used it, either. It’s got my fucking initials on it.”
You laugh, louder than you mean to and it makes him grin. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? It was a pretty good gift, I’ll admit.”
“S’a fucking perfect gift,” he retorts. “We had a lot of fun with that dildo.”
“We did indeed.”
“But apparently not as much fun as you’re having with it.”
“Fucking myself helps me sleep,” you remind him. “So sometimes it’s necessity.”
“Is that right?”
“Mhm.” You squeeze the base and he twitches. “You used to watch me. Remember?”
“I do.” His eyes get darker. “Do you fuck yourself a lot?”
“…these days, yeah. Apparently, I can’t sleep all that well, either.”
“And does it work?”
“Most of the time, yeah.” You turn your attention back to his cock in order to avoid his curiosity before you quietly admit, “Sometimes I pretend you’re here. Sleeping next to me. And…that helps, too.”
He reaches for your wrist and pulls your attention back. “Poppy—”
“No, don’t look at me like that, it’s dumb—”
“I imagine you, too.”
You blink. “You do?”
“Every night. Except the past couple weeks. Cause now I just think about you and him. And then I can’t fucking sleep.”
You turn your hand so your fingers brush through his. “Shit. We’re a mess.”
He smiles. “Yeah.”
The conversation falls away as you dip back down to resume your work. Squeezing his balls, moaning as you take him on your tongue, and milking him for every last drop.
Turns out, you missed the taste of him, too.
Morning comes before either of you find a moment of rest. But you can feel yourself growing tired. Your eyelids are beginning to droop, and your body feels incredibly spent.
Turns out, round 4 is where the magic happened. He brought out your favorite vibrator and teased your poor, swollen clit with it until you squirted. It was easy and quick and he seemed rather delighted to be bathed in you.
Until, of course, you insist on an actual bath to clean you both.
The shower felt good. The warm water washing away the sticky sweat on your skin. And the two of you fell back into a similar routine. He ran the soap down your arms and you washed his curls with your favorite shampoo. A shampoo he claimed he looked everywhere for after you broke up but could never find.
He said he missed the smell. The way it made his hair so soft. And the way it would make his pillowcase smell just like you.
You were grateful that the shower hid your tears.
You both crashed on the couch after you had dried off. The sheets still needed to be cleaned and neither of you could be bothered. But, as it turned out, the couch was growing on him. And he begrudgingly admitted it was rather comfy as the two of you curled up in your usual spot.
You know you’re both close to sleep. Finally, after all your efforts to get here. But you also know that once you wake up, Harry will leave.
And there’s a chance you won’t see him again.
You know that nothing has changed. The two of you still want different things, even if you want each other. And you hate that that’s not enough. That what you want and what you should want don’t align.
Instead, he’ll move on with his life and you’ll move on with yours.
But you don’t want to learn how to fall asleep without him.
“Make me a deal,” you whisper.
He hums. Lashes shut tight as the morning light slips in through the window. “What?”
“If I wake up, and you’re still here…we do this again. Not…as a couple. But as two broken humans that find rest with each other.”
His eyes open.
“But if you’re gone,” you continue, “then we don’t. We don’t do it again, we don’t see each other again, we don’t reach out again. We cut ties. Officially. Block and move on. For real.”
He seems saddened by this, and you hate that you’ve made him sad. But you both know it’s for the best. This won’t be sustainable in the long run. And maybe it’s a bad idea to continue at all, but maybe you want to hold on to him anyway. At least for a little while.
Even if it’s just as friends.
Exes.
Two broken humans that used to make each other whole.
His lips press together and he nods once. “Deal,” he agrees, and you can tell by the look on his face, he’s already made a decision.
You aren’t sure which way, but you suppose you’ll find out soon enough. So, you allow your eyes to fall shut and your dreams to take hold. Melting into his arms and into the sofa as you finally find sleep quicker than you have in months.
You’re not sure how long you’re out. It feels like hours. A heavy slumber that leaves you rather refreshed as your eyes eventually flutter open.
You don’t see Harry as you slowly adjust to your surroundings. And you don’t feel him, either. But you’re too afraid to really look. To sit up and realize that he’s gone. For good.
And then, just when you think you’ve lost him…you hear the most beautiful sound in the world.
“Good morning, Poppy.”
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The Ex | ex!harry
Summary: Harry's your ex-lover and you see him at a wedding after many years apart. You're both married but Harry proposes something that you have a hard time saying no to.
A/n: This will have a jucier, alternative ending but you'll only find it on Patreon! I consider this Tumblr version to be what happens in 'real life'. Enjoy!
Word Count: 3435
Warning: 18+ only, mentions of smut, emotional cheating, angst
You had no way of knowing he’d be there. But then again, he also had no clue that you would be there either.
You spotted one another right away. It was as if by magic something had drawn your eyes to his. He was already casting his gaze toward you, those soft green eyes taking you in as he held the hand of the woman to his right.
Your heart skipped a beat and looking at him again after all those years felt like there hadn’t been a day that aged him. He looked just as youthful and vibrant and handsome as ever. Dark curls placed carefully on top of his head in a flattering style, broad shoulders, a slender waist, and nicely fitted pants showing off what you remember being very sturdy and masculine thighs.
“Oh! Here are our seats!” Your husband, Les, spoke from your side and pulled at your hand, drawing your attention back to where it belonged.
You shook yourself of the direction your thoughts had been headed just before. What good did it do to remember how things were once upon a time? When you were young and in college, no kids or a career… things had been so different back then. And seeing your ex, the man you thought you’d marry, the one you thought would be by your side until you grew old and ugly…
“Are you okay, babe?” Les asked you with concern on his face.
“I’m fine… yeah! Just looking around and seeing a bunch of old faces. People I haven’t seen in years.”
You were at a friend’s wedding. Someone you, by some miracle, had stayed in touch with since high school. You had grown apart from Seria over the years but she still invited you to her wedding and you couldn’t imagine missing it even though you had to find an overnight sitter for your two kids and drive five hours to a different state to attend. Something told you it would be worth it.
You turned slowly to glance around the room again, your wine glass in hand and caught his eye again. The woman he was seated next to was as lovely as she was when you first met. You remembered her. She was in your senior graduating class. An acquaintance. Someone that Harry had grown close to but that you hadn’t gotten to know all that well. At first, her presence didn’t threaten you. But after you all graduated she and Harry became inseparable and he slowly began spending less time with you and more time with her. They had a lot in common, as you recall. They were both music majors, they’d write music together and play at bars in tiny scraped-together bands occasionally.
You found out on accident about how serious he was about her. No one thought you didn’t know.
You had visited a mutual friend’s apartment and stopped in for tea and a little chat. Sarah had a whiteboard hung up on her front door, facing the inside. People would write on it. Doodle pictures, scrawl their names in different colors, or just leave funny messages.
You didn’t take note of the whiteboard at first but when you sat down on Sarah’s couch you looked up at it and saw what had been written in black with red hearts all around.
harry + ginny = really good stuff
It took you a moment to let it all sink in after you saw that. You and Sarah made small talk but you couldn’t stop thinking about what was written on the whiteboard. And the hearts all around it told you it meant more than just something friendly. So you had to interrupt and ask, “Is that… my Harry?” You already knew the answer.
Sarah followed your gaze to the whiteboard and she let out a small gasp, “Oh! I forgot that was there. Are you okay about all this? I know it’s still fresh. You and Harry were together for years.”
“Am I okay about what? What’s fresh?” You began to feel yourself tremble and your heart was racing. You were suddenly having a hard time taking in any new information because it all came crashing down on you at that very moment. The reality of what was going on. You were the last to know about Harry and Ginny. He hadn’t even had the balls to break it off with you first.
You hardly remember leaving Sarah’s apartment after she told you that they’d been dating, and from what she said, rather openly. No one had bothered to talk to you about it. Everyone just assumed you knew.
Of course, you went directly to Harry’s apartment and found Ginny there already. They hadn’t been doing anything bad when you barged in. Ginny was on his couch with a notebook in hand and Harry was on the floor with a guitar in his arms.
He looked up at you from his spot on the floor and it’s like you blacked out. You can’t quite recall what was said but in the end, he wound up telling you the truth. That he’d fallen in love with Ginny and he was going to tell you soon but that he didn’t know how because he didn’t want to hurt you.
After that, you still saw Harry. He was part of your friend group and so it was inevitable that you’d run into him from time to time. After a couple of years, things were fine between you two and you’d met Les. You’d both moved on. Things had changed. And then you moved away with Les and you got pregnant, twice, and now six years later, here you were again looking at the man who once was your everything. He’d broken your heart but you were both so young and dumb back then that it was all but forgotten.
The past was the past, but you could still feel that small clench in your heart at how things had ended with Harry.
More drinks were drunk, snacks were served, and dancing commenced… the night was fun. Les was hilarious. He was an awful dancer but he insisted on taking you to the floor with him. You both laughed and swayed to the music in the crowded spot in the hall designated for dancing.
And as much fun as you were having you couldn’t stop thinking about or catching glimpses of Harry. It appeared he couldn’t get you off his mind either. It was rather flattering in a way. To have him looking at you from across the room. The subtle smiles and nods. You felt really good about keeping your distance, though. Even though at the very end of everything, you and Harry were on good terms and had been friendly, it had been so long. Too long. You felt there was no use in having a chat. Nothing good would come of it. You’d grown apart. Lives took separate paths. Old exes at a wedding had no good reason to catch up when you’d likely never see one another ever again. It was easier to stay away. Better for everyone.
Les ordered another round of whatever he’d been drinking and suddenly wasn’t feeling so hot. You both sat at your table with a couple of the other guests who were still there. Many were dropping like flies, as tends to happen at weddings. Luckily the hotel was connected to the reception hall so getting Les to your room was not that difficult.
You knew you should have stayed with him. Just called it a night and tucked in for your early morning back home to pick up your children. But against your better judgment, you decided on just one more drink.
The band was still playing, slower music than when you’d left. Most of the tables were empty as people mingled and danced slowly. You sat at the bar and searched the room for Harry. You figured he and Ginny had gone to their room, or back home depending on how far away they lived from the venue. It was nearly midnight. The band would wrap up in a half hour and that would be that.
You sighed and turned back to face the bar and sipped your last glass of wine of the night. You’d said your hellos to everyone you wanted to. Except Harry. Deep down you really did want to say hi to him but you knew better. There was something that was telling you to keep your distance and you were glad for it. Maybe it was subconscious or perhaps there were still feelings there after all this time. You knew the truth. But you weren’t ready to admit any of that to yourself.
“Hi, Sunshine.”
You felt a wave of heat and excitement thrum through your bones. It was him. He used to call you Sunshine. Sunny. Used to sing You Are My Sunshine to you every day.
You turned to see Harry taking the chair next to you at the bar, “Hi, Harry.”
You took him in. All of his handsome face. Those pink lips you used to nibble, the nose you used to smush yours into for wispy nose-tip kisses. His intense gaze was just as it had been all those years before. You wanted to reach your fingers out and stretch them over his jawline and feel the stubble on the pads of your fingers. He was so grown up. So unchanged and yet more mature. More handsome in some ways.
He drew his arm along the back of your chair and leaned in close as he spoke to you as if you two were a couple. As if nothing had ever come between you nearly 8 years prior, “You are more beautiful than I even remember, Sunny. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you at least once.”
You hadn’t expected him to let that be his leading comment. The first thing spoken to you in so long. But Harry didn’t follow conventions or rules. He never had. So it shouldn’t have surprised you that his first comment to you was how he thought about you every day. You wondered if that was true. Because there were days you thought about Harry still too. It wasn’t every single day. Some days he didn’t cross your mind at all. But of course, you did often think of him.
“I doubt that, Harry. You’re still big on flattery, I see,” you smiled shyly and peeled your eyes away from his to sip your wine.
When his thigh brushed into yours you could smell his cologne. It was different than what he wore in college. It was more grown up. Smelled expensive. Smelled more like something Harry should wear, “I wrote a song about you not too long ago. Ginny doesn’t know, but it brought back a lot of old memories.”
His voice was soft and deep and the timbre traveled from your ear down to your neck and your bare shoulder. You swallowed thickly and dared to turn to look at him again, knowing he was too close. Knowing what this would look like if anyone were to see you two.
“Where is Ginny?”
Harry’s small grin widened and his eyes sparkled as he looked down at your lips and shook his head, “In our room. She was tired. Just like I imagine Les is in yours.”
You blinked and looked away. You were flying too close to the sun, you knew it. This was dangerous territory and Harry was orchestrating something very wrong. Something you’d only regret. But you weren’t doing anything to stop it. Maybe curiosity had you sticking around. Maybe it was for old time’s sake. Or maybe it was just that you missed him and missed this and missed the way things had been.
You didn’t know how to respond but your body was on fire. Harry’s warm leg was pressed into yours and his large frame practically had you caged in. You loved it.
“Look at me, Sunshine,” he whispered as he softly touched your chin and nudged your face toward his, “There we go. Remember that time we loaded up my old Bronco and drove straight through to San Francisco? Thought we were gonna find an apartment and live like hippies in the big city and just write and paint and make music and that’s how we’d make all our money?”
You laughed and nodded, “I do. But instead, your Bronco broke down in Oakland at 3 am and we had to stay the night in the back of your car and get a tow back home.”
Harry laughed through his nose as he nodded his head, eyes still pinned to yours, “Wish it would have worked out between us. I miss all the fun we used to have. Me and you.”
You opened your mouth to respond but you were stuck. He was laying it on thick. He was never one to beat around the bush. He hadn’t changed. It was part of what drew people to him. His magnetism. His confidence.
“Don’t you miss it, Sunny?” He brushed his knuckle over your wrist and you inhaled sharply. Just the smallest touch had you spiraling. You would have to fight your way out of his trance if you intended on not allowing this to go any further.
You shook your head and looked down at your lap, “I don’t know, Harry.”
“We’d stay up all night making love until the sun came up. Miss classes. Skip out on parties we promised people we’d go to. Just in our own world all the time. It never got boring with you. For years we were like that. It’s never been like that with anyone else. All that passion we had, Sunny. My Sunshine girl. Never.”
You sighed and… yes. You did recall all that passion. And it was true. For nearly four years you and Harry were insatiable. It was like every day was your first date. Your first time. Like you were still getting to know one another after all those years. Sex had never been better. Harry was your best by far. You didn’t like to compare anyone to him but that’s only because it made you miss him. Made you miss the way you felt. Missed that lust and that passion and the vulnerability.
“I know you know what I mean,” Harry slid his hand down to your thigh discretely. No one in the room could see but you knew he was touching you in a way you hadn’t felt in so long. In a way that was only reserved for your husband. Felt that familiar, big palm spread over the expanse of your soft thigh, his thumb lightly grazing the bottom hem of your dress.
“Harry…” you breathed his name in warning.
“My Sunshine, girl,” he spoke the pet name back to you without an ounce of teasing. He was perfectly clear in what he wanted. And even though he hadn’t said it outright, there was no denying it.
“I’m married.” You reasoned weakly as you let your gaze rove his features and drop to his plush lips.
“So am I.” He squeezed your thigh and your limbs were on fire. You didn’t know how to escape the moment. You didn’t know if you wanted to. He was “the one who got away”. Even though everything hurt when it happened and he’d done you wrong, you’d long ago forgiven him and now it was just two old lovers feeling that same heat and desire they once felt. Some things from the past could be forgotten. But the way things felt between you, that constant spark, the wild lust every single day for all those years would never be forgotten.
You still dreamed about him. Would wake up hot and panting and roll over to see Les fast asleep with his face tucked into his pillow and you’d close your eyes and remember the time… Remember his voice and his hands and the way he made you feel. How free and exciting life was with Harry.
And it was all coming back to you in an insane, surreal, mind-bending rush. Everything about him was the same as it was before you graduated college. Before he fell for Ginny. Before you two grew apart and you got married and moved away. You could almost taste the skin on his hips near his laurel tattoos. Could smell the scent of his sex mixed with yours. Could hear the laughs and the moans and neighbors beating on the wall telling you to keep it down. Could feel the way you loved him once upon a time, the way he loved you so deeply it scared you. Loved you so much you never could imagine that he’d ever love another.
“You’ve lost your fucking mind,” you whispered with a grin.
He shook his head, “I’ve never been more clear-headed in my life.”
You licked your lips and closed your eyes. Every time you thought you’d wake up from the dream you felt him move against you, felt his fingers on your skin and you were continuously dropped down into your seat at the bar at your friend’s wedding with your ex at your side and his words snaking into your ears.
The only thought that kept you grounded was knowing that there was nowhere for him to take you that was private. Because that had already, obviously, crossed your mind. To have another taste. One last time just for old-time’s sake. But it seemed impossible. It seemed ridiculous to even entertain. And yet there you were.
“Remember that small room with the table and chair on the second floor of the library we used to go to? Had a lock,” Harry’s warm hand stayed on your thigh as he spoke.
You did remember that. You found a room in the 2nd-floor corridor that connected to a small hallway off the library. The hallway had four doors. They were all locked but one of them just so happened to unlock if you lifted the knob upward and jiggled it just right. The room was bare of furniture except a small wooden table pushed against the wall and a fabric swivel chair with wheels. Both of which you learned to make good use of. It wasn’t hard to find a use for random surfaces with Harry back then.
Nodding and squinting your eyes at the man you spoke, “Of course I do.”
“I want to get you alone in a room again,” he lowered his voice and leaned in so that his voice was close and the front of his shoulder was pressed into the back of yours, “Just one more time. Something just for you and me, Sunny. I miss you.”
You couldn’t believe the way he’d gotten you worked up in almost no time. The way you still reacted to him and the need crawling up your spine made you dizzy.
“There’s no place to go here, Harry. No free room. We can’t anyway… you know we can’t,” you looked at his face and held your breath. You couldn’t do this. It was wrong.
“We can find something. A hidden spot where no one will ever know.”
You looked away from his fierce gaze and down at your glass. You swallowed thickly and shook your head as you reluctantly pulled yourself from his side and stepped off the stool, “Harry. We can’t. I have kids. My husband is… I love him. I don’t love you anymore. I could never forgive myself.”
He clenched his jaw as he nodded, “No one would know.” He looked at you with pleading eyes. You could tell he knew this wasn’t going to happen.
“I would know,” you dropped some cash on the bar and looked back at Harry as you squeezed his shoulder, “But it does feel good to know that you regret replacing me with someone else even after all this time.”
As you walked away you took a deep breath and smiled to yourself. You could have said yes. Could have found yourself in some room or bathroom stall with him getting exactly what you knew he could deliver. But you didn’t regret saying no. You didn’t regret walking away from him. It felt good to have the upper hand. Something you had no idea that you’d had all along. The man who you thought you’d lost really turned out to be the man who’d lost you.
Find the other version with the alternative ending here on my Patreon!
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Tuesday
I’m a sucker for protective Harry and exes to lovers sort of vibes.
Harry forgot that after they broke up he started sleeping on the side she did...for a while it smelled like her and as good as the break up was, he missed her and longed for her. Sleeping on her side made him feel closer to her. After a while, he forgot it wasn’t where he usually slept.
She was sitting in the coffee shop looking at her phone. Scrolling through the contacts was making her more anxious. It wasn’t super late—only nine. But it was dark out in the dead of winter and on Tuesday no less. She had class in the morning, and she didn’t want to bother anyone because she knew they had classes in the morning too.
When she closed this evening, she got a weird vibe from the guy hovering in the corner of the shop who kept asking her when she got off her shift and if she wanted to hang out afterwards. At the time she wasn’t alone, but she assured her coworker she would be fine—and was now regretting it. Something in the pit of her stomach was making her nervous. She didn’t want to go outside to her car, but it seemed a little dramatic.
So, she was scrolling through her (admittedly, not so very many) contacts deciding mentally if anyone was close enough that she was willing to bother. She was scrolling her way back to the top after her initial run through getting increasingly nervous as she crept back toward the A’s. If she made it back to the top, she wasn’t sure what she’d do at that point.
But it was the H’s that caught her attention.
“Fuck,” she whispered to literally no one but herself. Putting her hand on her forehead, she sighed. She didn’t want to call him. It had been two years since she last spoke to him. The chances of him even inhabiting the same apartment, a mere five-minute drive away, let alone the same town after he graduated and got a real job were slim to none. Plus, the idea he would answer her phone call at nine on a Tuesday night seemed downright laughable.
Honestly though, he was her only hope.
Biting her lip, she clicked on his name. It almost felt foreign. But something deep within her found it felt so familiar it was impossible to not feel at ease just listening to the sound of the phone ringing knowing he would be at the other end (if he would answer).
“Hello?” He asked. His voice sounded confused. She wasn’t surprised at his tone. It was insane for her to call him.
“Harry,” she said simply.
“Uh...hi, love,” it sounded loud wherever he was. She should have known Harry would be with people and living his life.
“Hi,” she said softly.
It was quiet for a moment other than the sound of whatever Harry was doing in the background. She thought about the last time they spoke. It had to have been right about when things ended. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but they didn’t really stay in touch. She saw pictures and updates on social media but Harry wasn’t all that active. She had no way of knowing a whole lot about his personal life—if he was seeing anyone...or anything like that.
“Love?” He said and the noise seemed to fade in the background of his concerned voice. “Y’okay?” He asked.
“Um...” she shook her head trying to remain focused and remember why she called her ex-boyfriend. “Er...yeah. M’fine...it’s just...” she sighed. “M’sorry. I shouldn’t have called. I’m just...I’m at work and...well I’m trying to leave but there was this guy and I got a weird feeling. But it’s stupid...and I just...there’s no one I know nearby, and I thought if you were still at your place close by then...” she shook her head hearing how ridiculous this all sounded. Bothering Harry on a Tuesday night for something that might not even happen. Her heart was fluttering. This was ridiculous. “Harry, I’m so sorry. This was a stupid phone call. There’s nothing wrong. I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll be fine,” she said firmly gathering her belongings in her arms and steeling herself for the cold walk outside to her car.
“Oh...hey...” he frowned as he held the phone to his ear. “S’alright love. You’re not a bother,” he promised. “Are...are you inside still?” He asked. She could hear a flurry of movement on his end. There was a rustling of keys, and a few calls in the distance were yelled but she couldn’t make out the words.
“Yeah...but really, it’s fine. It’s late and I’m being ridiculous. I’m just going to—”
“M’still nearby,” he said quickly interrupting her. “Jus’...wait five minutes. I’ll be right there.”
For a moment she stilled and silenced her rationale and the convoluted reasoning in her head. “Really?” She asked, feeling relief course through her body. She didn’t even realize how stressed she was about the situation. The brave front for Harry slowly seemed to dissipate. There was no way she could know that Harry also recognized the worry in her voice.
“’Course, love,” he said easily. They were both quiet for a moment and she could hear the jingling of Harry’s keys, the unlocking of his car. “D’you want me t’stay on the phone with you?” He wondered.
She nodded, feeling comforted by Harry just breathing. Someone was coming to her rescue, even if she was being ridiculous. She didn’t even realize she nodded. But Harry didn’t get off the phone despite not knowing her answer. It was weird to be so content with Harry silently coming to her. With her eyes closed, she could almost picture Harry’s route. Hearing his blinker, the sound of the road...it was almost too much for her. Him just coming to her without so much as a real reason—just a feeling—was heartwarming. It made her miss him all over again.
When they dated, Harry was nothing less than perfect. He did everything with the utmost respect and chivalry. He was an amazing boyfriend and she adored him more than any other boyfriend she ever had. It broke her heart when they ended their relationship, truly. She reminded herself it wasn’t a bad break up. It was mature. They grew apart and Harry graduated, and things were ending. But she was still in school. Granted, now she was on the last of her classes and graduating the coming spring. Harry was out in the real world these last two years being perfect for whoever he worked for and for whoever he was dating.
“Hey love?” He asked gently. Her thoughts pulled back to the present. “M’parking right now. M’gonna come to the front, yeah? I’ll knock, okay?”
She nodded again, making her way from the back of the shop toward the front door. She could see Harry, phone pressed to his ear, looking just as she remembered him. Tall, lanky, and handsome as could be. Always. If she wasn’t so nervous, she would have ogled him for longer. She unlocked the door and let Harry in. “Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi,” he replied. “You alright, love?” He asked.
She nodded. “Yeah,” she didn’t sound alright, though.
He glanced out the doorway and his brow creased in the middle. He looked highly annoyed. “M’glad you called,” he said quietly.
“Thank you,” her voice was so small and quiet. She looked nervously through the front window seeing Harry’s car closest to the shop. “Would you mind walking me to my car?”
He nodded. “Course, love,” he promised easily.
“You really didn’t have to come,” she said. It was a phrase that sounded like she should be annoyed—even though she was the one that asked him here, in so many words. But Harry knew her. He knew she wasn’t annoyed. He knew she was scared and didn’t want to be a bother. She was annoyed that she bothered him, if anything.
He shook his head. “Nonsense, love. Don’t mind at all,” he kept glancing out the window then he turned his attention back to her. “M’gonna...” he rolled his lips into his mouth and then sighed. “Kitten, m’gonna hold you, alright?” He said softly. She glanced out the window again, trying to see around Harry, but he stepped in her view. It wasn’t good. He must have been out there. A shiver ran up her back and she let out a small, nervous noise that came from deep in her soul. “Don’t worry,” he shook his head quickly and kept her from seeing. He took her bag off her shoulder and put it on his own. She had her keys in her hand and she swallowed. “M’here,” he promised. “M’not going anywhere.”
*
Harry wrapped his arm around her waist, pressing his side fully to hers as they walked toward his car parked right next to hers. They were silent except for Harry quietly whispering directions toward her. “Are you alright t’drive?” She nodded silently. Harry opened her driver’s door. He waited for her to sit, and he physically blocked her view outside the door. “Are y’sure y’can drive?” She nodded. “Are y’still at the same place?” She nodded again.
Harry reached past her to settle her bag on her passenger seat.
“Love?” He questioned again. He was hesitant to ask his next question but the way she looked so nervous and scared had him reeling.
It also didn’t help there was a creep a mere 30 meters away from them waiting for her like she was bait. She turned to look at him, her breath shaky, her hands kept shaking too as they reached for her steering wheel.
“Y-yeah?”
“I want you t’come t’my place, yeah?”
She felt scared so she just nodded. “Okay.”
“Kitten, m’not gonna let anything happen t’you, okay? I promise.”
“Okay,” she nodded again but it felt a lot more right this time.
Pressing the lock button on her door, he gave her arm a gentle squeeze as she turned her car on. “M’gonna follow you so wait until m’in the car,” he said softly. She nodded once more.
*
Harry was fuming about all of it. Seeing her name pop up on his phone made him confused and worried. But nothing prepared him for the feeling of helplessness and worry he actually felt when he went to the coffee shop and saw her car and a one other car waiting for her to exit work. He hadn’t spoken to her in two years, but he didn’t want to think about what he would do if he found out something terrible happened to her. As he started his car looking toward her waiting to go Harry waved to her to indicate he was good to go.
Harry would murder him if he followed them.
Harry spoke to his phone. “Call Niall.”
The phone rang twice before he answered. “Harry, where did y’go?” Niall asked curiously.
“Everyone needs to leave,” Harry said.
“Harry, what are—”
“I don’t care what y’tell them, everyone needs t’be gone in the next three minutes.”
“Harry—”
“Niall! Jus’ get them out!”
“Okay, okay,” Niall said with a tone of defensiveness in his voice. “I’ll get them out.”
“Thank you, I’ll explain when I get there.”
Harry glanced in his rearview mirror and didn’t see anyone following him. But now Harry was paranoid, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. He called her again. “Hello?” She asked tentatively.
“Hey love. When y’park, I don’t want y’to get out. I’ll come around t’you, okay?”
“Okay,” she said softly. “Harry?” She whispered.
“Yeah, love?”
“Thank you,” the gratefulness was so thick on her voice Harry could have cried. What if he didn’t see her call? Or what if he decided not to answer? He was worried about things that weren’t but the idea of something happening to her made him feel sick.
“M’really glad you called,” he promised.
She didn’t say anything again. He felt so bad she was so nervous and worked up. She wasn’t one to need saving. She usually did most of the saving her friend group. She was the one with an extra hair tie or a stain stick at restaurants. She never let anyone be hungry or thirsty. If someone didn’t have medicine handy, they could ask her. She was the one that did the saving. She wasn’t the one that needed it. Rarely did she ever ask for help. Asking Harry was not only huge for her, but it meant she really needed it.
When she started downplaying how nervous she was on the phone, Harry thought how terrifying it was that she never needed anyone. Especially for a situation like this. He thought for two seconds what would have happened if her instincts were right, if Harry did ignore her worries, or if she convinced him that she was alright.
Harry quickly brushed those thoughts aside. “Do y’want me t’stay on the phone?” He asked her this earlier. Just like before there was no answer, but he knew she nodded. So, he stayed quietly on the phone listening to her breathing, the sound of her directional, and the road.
There were several cars passing as they pulled up toward Harry and Niall’s place. Harry was grateful Niall got everyone out. “Okay, love, stay put,” he said hanging up as he hurried out of his parked car to her driver’s seat.
Niall was standing on the front stoop waiting to see what Harry was so worked up about. When Harry opened the driver’s door and ushered her out Niall finally understood. “Must have skipped my last eye appointment, is that you princess?” Niall said cheerfully and hurried to give her a hug. It was a bit awkward though because Harry wouldn’t release one of her hands.
“D’you need anything else?” He asked ignoring Niall’s greeting.
“Uh...there’s a bag in my trunk,” she said softly. “I can get it in a minute—” Harry finally released her hand and headed back for her car.
“What brings you here this evening?” Niall asked.
“Oh...uh...” she swallowed. “It was nothing really,” she said shyly. Niall glanced at Harry’s embittered expression. He could see it halfway across their yard while she looked at the ground before looking back at Niall. “I actually think I overreacted and I didn’t know who else to call—”
“She did not overreact,” Harry said simply closing her car up and then coming to her to put a hand on her lower back. He ushered her toward the door. “She’s gonna stay tonight,” Harry told Niall.
Niall blinked then raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What about—”
“No,” he said simply, shaking his head and pushing her more toward the front.
“Harry, that’s not necessary...I think I can—”
“No,” he repeated.
There wasn’t room to argue.
*
She said goodnight to Niall and Harry continued ushering her into his room. It was the same as before except he moved the bed to the middle of the wall and changed the position of the dresser and the desk in his room. “D’you have clothes or d’you need clothes?”
“I don’t have uh...clothes to wear to bed—”
“Here,” he said quickly and opened the drawer. “Think y’left these here,” he said handing her a pair of leggings that she had lost years ago. It made her feel confused that he kept them folded neatly in a drawer readily available. She wondered if he let other women wear them. She honestly didn’t care. She was glad they were getting some use.
Harry assumed she was questioning the fact he kept her leggings in a drawer folded neatly. He offered them to a girl staying over every now and again. Gem even wore them on occasion. Harry didn’t need to read her mind, to know she was probably happy to help some stranger when they were over and needed something comfy to sleep in. “And y’can wear this,” he said and tossed her a long sleeve shirt that had a logo on it she hadn’t seen before.
“What’s this?” She asked curiously looking at the logo. It wasn’t really the time, but she was potentially in shock and Harry wasn’t going to let that happen, so he just answered her.
“The company I work for,” he shrugged and pulled his shirt over her head.
She dated Harry for two years, so she was used to seeing Harry naked. But not seeing him for two years and for him to casually pull his shirt over his head...well, she missed seeing him. “You got new tattoos,” she said suddenly.
Harry smirked for the first time all night and he paused with his arms in his shirt, but he held off on tugging the shirt over his head. “Uh...jus’ a few,” he said quietly. “One for m’godson, another one for Gem, one ‘cause I drank a little too much one night,” he said shyly.
Harry looked at her gentle smile and thought he would melt. She was all stressed and worked up and so was Harry, but she was beautiful. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If Harry wasn’t so nervous about her safety, he would have reveled a bit longer in how much he missed her voice and suddenly hearing it woke some part of him that he thought was long gone. The part of him that was hers.
Harry opened the door again. “Hey Ni,” he called. “You still do her skincare routine?”
She let out a huffed little laugh thinking about the night she showed Niall and Harry all the steps to having a clean face before bed making sure to prevent wrinkles and damage to the only skin they had. Harry thought it was too many steps, but Niall was smitten with the routine and asked her no less than fifty questions about what he needed to do to have baby soft skin. Harry was grateful now that it was going to pay in tenfold, because he could make her feel at home and have Niall comfort her for a few moments while he fixed up his room. “Yeah! Princess, you want to share?” He called.
Harry looked at her and then opened the door wider. “All yours,” he said softly.
She took the borrowed clothes and nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered again.
Harry watched her walk to the shared bathroom and Niall followed in behind her to show where he kept everything, but he caught Harry’s eye as he entered quirking one eyebrow at him. Harry shook his head and left the pair to their spa treatment.
Harry’s phone vibrated as he propped up the pillows and got a few more blankets for the sweet girl from his closet. For someone that always ran much too hot, she always wanted more blankets to sleep in at night. He was planning on offering to sleep on the floor or the couch, but he knew she would deny it immediately and probably offer to do it herself. Of course, Harry wasn’t about to let that happen so they would have to settle for sharing. He glanced at the name on his phone and sighed.
Do you want me to come over? Harry felt guilty but he shouldn’t have. It was an arrangement they had agreed upon, and they both knew it.
Not tonight.
Oh. Okay.
Sorry.
No, it’s fine. Just surprised. Everything alright?
Yeah.
Okay.
Harry stopped answering. She deserved more...and if Harry had a little bit better self-esteem maybe he would realize he deserved more too.
There was a knock outside his room. “Y’don’t need t’knock, kitten,” he said with an eye roll as he pulled the covers back for the two of them. Harry heard his door click shut.
“Well...it’s sort of ridiculous that I’m even here, and I feel bad intruding and making you even—”
“Love,” he said turning toward her. She was in his shirt and her leggings now. She settled the clothes she was wearing with her stuff, and she looked toward Harry with so much trust in her eyes Harry wanted to cry. He was so thankful she called him. So thankful she trusted her gut and glad he could help her. “I am so glad y’called me,” he said softly. “You’re not intruding or anything,” he promised. “M’glad you’re here.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Okay,” she said softly. “Thank you,” she repeated again.
Harry gestured to the bed. “I was gonna offer t’sleep on the floor or the couch—”
“Absolutely not.”
He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “—But I already knew y’wouldn’t care for that, and I won’t let y’do that either so...” he said and gestured to the bed again.
She couldn’t argue with him so she grabbed her bag and pulled it toward the side of the bed she was used to sleeping on. However, Harry forgot that after they broke up he started sleeping on the side she did...for a while it smelled like her and as good as the break up was, he missed her and longed for her. Sleeping on her side made him feel closer to her. After a while, he forgot it wasn’t where he usually slept. But for tonight, he would have to go back to his side. Harry settled into his bed, pulling the blankets up over him as he scrolled on his phone. It was eerie how comfortable they could get into a routine that was very much the same as the one they used to have.
“Do you mind if I just...finish my essay really quick?” She asked softly.
“Take your time, love,” he nodded easily. “How is school?” He inquired.
She nodded. Harry watched her as she pulled her laptop from her bag and opened it. “It’s good. I’m almost done...I have an internship a couple days a week and they’ve offered me a job when I officially graduate.”
“Kitten, that’s awesome,” he smiled. “Congratulations,” it was so heartfelt it made her stomach flutter.
“How is this place?” She asked, pointing to the logo on her shirt. “Have you been there this whole time?”
“Yeah, I have. It’s a great place. I like it. It’s quiet. I get t’keep t’myself mostly. M’told I’m better than the last guy they had,” Harry chuckled.
She smiled and nodded. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
Harry felt his face warm. “What are you working on now?” He wondered.
“It’s for my history of psychology class,” she said. Harry was always dumbfounded she wanted to be a psychologist but rarely looked at how her own behavior was maddening every now and again. Like tonight when she was willingly about to put her life in danger for some creep because she didn’t want to bother Harry. “Just relating different philosophies to a disorder over time and how the founders of these philosophies would have approached it.”
“Cool,” Harry smiled. “Do you like it still?”
“Very much,” she nodded. “Except,” she sighed. “This keeps happening,” she showed him her computer. “I’m sorry,” she said. She hated asking Harry about tech. It never bothered him. He was happy to help her, and he gave her tips to better the lifespan of her devices. She knew he would probably still look at it for her, even after all these years.
He tilted his head and sat up more and looked at the blue crash screen analyzing the codes it presented. “Hold on,” he mumbled turning into his IT self and googling the code from his phone. “How often does it do this?”
“Err...like once a day.”
“Kitten,” he admonished. She knew better than that after all of his tips and tricks. “May I?” He asked. She handed it to him.
“I can’t really afford a new laptop right now. My dad said he would get me one when I graduated in a month,” she shrugged.
“How is your family?” He asked while he fiddled with her computer.
“Good,” she nodded. “How’s yours?”
“They’re good. Gemma visits frequently,” he smirked.
“That’s nice, tell her I said hello.”
He was busy clicking through her screens and checking settings on her computers that she didn’t know existed. “Y’should really clean this,” he murmured.
“Er...m’not sure how...you always did it for me,” she reminded him.
He chuckled. “Fair enough, I can do it in the morning if y’have time.”
“I have class at eight,” she told him.
He shrugged. “S’okay...m’usually up at five.”
“Five?” She asked in surprise. “Harry, it’s so late, you should be asleep,” she said with concern in her voice.
He shrugged. “S’okay. Niall and I usually have movie night with friends on Tuesdays,” he said. “S’pretty early t’be in bed right now, on a regular Tuesday night, for me.”
“I interrupted movie night?” She asked quietly.
“That’s what y’took from that?” He smirked.
She was silent for a few moments. “He was out there, wasn’t he? Waiting for me?” She whispered.
Harry didn’t want to answer her question. “Yes.” She nodded and swallowed around a lump in her throat. Biting the inside of her cheek she looked at her hands while Harry took his gaze from her computer to look back at her. “Kitten,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”
“What if you couldn’t have—”
“Love, don’t. I was there. S’okay,” he promised.
“But you might not have been able to...and you shouldn’t have—”
“Baby,” he said softly and put her laptop on the floor beside him. He turned to face her, and he reached for her cheek. He rubbed his thumb over her soft skin. He could feel her melting into the touch and it reminded him of every time he ever touched her and how much he missed that. They were so different now. Older, wiser. Harry still adored her so very much, seeing her name was the first time he thought of her in months and months. Hearing her voice was like hearing a song he forgot about, and it sounded like hearing it for the first time and it sounded so much like angels he was wondering if tripped down the steps of his house and died. Touching her, even if he felt she was in danger, was like magic. It changed something in him. It was familiar and new and all at once. Holding her was warmth and light, something he had forgotten about until that moment. Even in a situation he didn’t want to be in. “I would do anything for you.”
“Still?” She asked with a snort before she could stop it.
Harry rolled his eyes. He brushed his thumb over her cheek again; he would do it all night rather than sleep and then work a full week. If this was the last time he saw her, touched her, smelled her, he would do it for just another minute. “If y’need me, love...that’s...a big deal. Yeah...I would do anything for you.”
“We’re not even together,” she whispered. “Actually...I think you have a girlfriend.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he shook his head.
“You’re seeing someone?”
He sighed. “Kitten, I don’t care about anyone but you, right now.”
“I can’t in good conscience—”
“Love, m’not seeing anyone. That’s it,” he said with a touch of frustration in his voice. She was quiet another moment.
“Harry?” She whispered.
“What, kitten?”
“I think I’m going to cry.”
“Oh, love,” he cooed and pulled her toward him. She started to cry and Harry held her against his chest and while he hated the way her tears soaked his shirt, he was so glad he was there to comfort her.
*
She was anxiously walking into the coffee shop the next day. She knew the chances of him being there again after he was clearly rejected were slim. It didn’t quell her nerves though, as she walked into the shop.
As she settled her things in the back and came to the front to clock in on the register and begin taking orders, she finally noticed the curly brunet locks cozied up in the corner of the shop in an armchair with a book in hand and computer bag at his feet. She blinked. Doing a double take between the customer waiting to place his order and Harry, sitting quietly in the corner, focused on his book and unaware it seemed that she was at work.
As she made the drink requested, she looked at Harry and then her coworker. “Did you see Harry come in?” She asked.
She glanced over at the corner. “Yes.”
There was no more discussion.
*
At the end of her shift, she went over to Harry in the corner halfway through his book. “Why are you here?”
“I told you I’d do anything for you, love,” he said gently, earmarking his page and closing the book. “Ready t’go?”
She bit her lip and nodded. He stood up, gathering his things and headed for the door.
*
When Harry came to her shifts over the next week, she thought that this was over the top. He didn’t say anything, didn’t offer any explanation, he was just there. When they left he tucked her neatly into her car and followed her home before she entered her apartment and waved goodbye from the front entrance.
On Sunday, she anticipated seeing Harry in the corner at some point in her morning shift, but instead she was slightly disappointed by not seeing him. She got used to seeing him and more than that wanted to see him.
So when she got into her car and locked her doors before she pulled her phone out.
“’Lo?”
“Are you mad at me?” She asked.
“Kitten?” He responded. It sounded like he was suddenly awake out of nowhere.
“You didn’t come to—”
“Are y’alright? Did he come back?”
“No!” She shook her head as she answered hurriedly. “I’m fine...I just...”
“Love, m’sorry. I...I had something t’do this morning, I figured—”
All at once she felt like the biggest idiot in the world. “Oh my God,” she whispered and covered her eyes. Thank God she didn’t video chat Harry. Thank God she was alone in her car and no one could see the bright red cheeks she was sporting. “Oh my God. Harry. I’m so sorry. I...oh my God,” she shook her head.
Hearing her worried tone, Harry hurried away from his morning plans. “Angel, are you okay?” He repeated. “I can come be there in ten minutes, love. M’worried that—"
“No, m’fine. Really. Please this is mortifying. You're very obviously with someone...and...I’m fine,” she told him. “I feel like—”
"Love, m'not with anyone. Haven't been since we started talking again. Kitten, I want t’see y’too,” he promised. “I’ll be home in ‘bout an hour. Does that work for you?” She nodded, feeling ridiculous as ever. Harry couldn’t see her nodding. But he knew she was. “An hour,” he promised. “I’ll see you then, love.”
*
She felt stupid once more as she pulled up to Harry’s place and noted Niall’s car wasn’t there, fortunately. At the very least her humiliation would remain just between herself and Harry. Harry met her in the yard almost as soon as he saw her pull up. “I was worried y’were lying,” he admitted and stuffed his hands in his pockets looking at her as she walked toward him.
“I wouldn’t lie to you,” she promised crossing her arms in front of her.
“Good,” he smiled gently. “Then...is everything alright?”
“I missed you,” she whispered quietly.
“Yeah?” He murmured.
“Yeah,” she nodded not making eye contact.
Harry tilted her chin up and rubbed the pad of his thumb over her lip. “I missed you more,” he said so cutely she could have turned into a puddle of love and mush on his front yard.
“Yeah?” She asked.
“Yeah,” he nodded and smiled at her. It was so adorable, so utterly Harry, and made her want to throw herself at him and never let him go.
So she did.
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A Twist of Fate: No Hard Feelings**^
Thank you everyone for your patience. Here is Part 2 to this star-crossed lovers story. This part really focuses on the break down of the relationships so it can be angsty. Part 3 will be the last one in this short series. READ PART ONE
Series Masterlist
Warnings: sexism, unprotected sex, argumentative and rocky relationships, drug and alcohol use, break ups
WC: 16K
…. JANUARY 2024 ….
The holiday season had been interesting for you and Sebastian. You had gone over to his family’s for the festivities and it was interesting to say the least. You felt like you had transitioned into a weird dystopian dimension after that first dinner.
Seb’s mom wanted his first meal back to be his favorite home cooked meal, a green enchilada casserole; he had been talking about it since you’d left LA. So were excited to try it, so when dinner time came and his mom, Renee, started to serve up a plate of food, you followed suit and she gave you a knowing smile. It confused you but you finished up and followed after her to the table. When Seb glanced up at you with a smile your brows furrowed in confusion; you weren’t sure why Seb was just sitting at the table if he was so excited about this meal? But soon enough you were in front of your seat and set your plate down and then sat. You glanced up when you realized it had grown uncomfortably quiet and everyone was looking at you. When your eyes met Renee’s, she was frozen with the plate she had served her husband laid on the place mat before him. It was then that you noticed that this was not a self-serve situation, you were the only woman at the table and the ladies were serving their husbands before they could sit to eat.
You were mortified. You hadn’t grown up like that, your parents were very lax with gender expectations and roles, your mom wasn’t in charge of cooking and cleaning up after your dad. They were both working so much that they both did everything to keep the household running. Besides, you had never served Sebastian his food. You had cooked for him plenty of times and sure he never cleaned up after himself (unless asked), but he had always fixed his own plates so you had no idea why he would expect it now. It was even more awkward when his sister came in right behind you just moments later and placed a plate of food before him.
“Thanks, Amy.” He smiled and she nodded and looked at you briefly, you swore there was judgement in her eyes, and then everything picked back up again.
After, that it was just awkward and tense. Seb’s mom stepped up the babying for the rest of the trip. You were shocked the amount of work this woman did for her husband and Seb. You started doing the same to blend in, but it had been too late. Christmas Day at lunch, you were heading to the kitchen to offer your help with anything when you overheard his sisters and mother talking to maybe their aunts or other cousins saying how they had all been telling Seb how selfish you were and that you couldn’t take care of him how he needed. It was impressive that just from that one incident they had already discarded you and started shit talking you to Sebastian and others. You were glad when you finally got to leave and get back to LA, but it had been days now and you were still a bit in your head.
“Hey, babe.” Seb hummed as he came into your bedroom.
“Hi.” You offered a smile before glancing back down to your sudoku book. You felt the bed dip and glanced up to see him climbing onto the bed, heading over to your side.
“How was your day?” He asked.
“It was fine. Yours?” You asked as you put down a ‘9’ in it’s designed box.
“Finished another song today, think this will be the single. It has good energy.”
“That’s good.” You hummed as you glanced up at him and when he saw he had your undivided attention he got going. Sebastian started talking about all the things they’d done and how he got inspiration for new lyrics… He’d been talking at you for an hour already, it was nearly midnight and you were tired. Then, in the middle of his story you had the urge to yawn and you did. “Oh sorry, am I boring you?” He asked with irritation and you frowned.
“No, I just yawned. S’late. I was up at 5:30am for that stupid yoga class.” You explained to him and he frowned.
“You’re being weird.” He said.
“What?”
“Ever since we got back you’ve been off.” he said and you sighed. You supposed you should just get your concerns off your chest now.
“OK, so I ummm…I overheard your mom and sisters talking shit about me on Christmas.” You said and he frowned, “And I know they were talking about me to other people and to you.” You said.
“And?” He asked, “I mean, what did you expect after that first night?” He asked you.
“What’d you say when they talked to you about me after that?”
“Nothing…just heard ‘em out. It’s better to not argue with them about their opinions.”
“And is that…is that how you expect me to be?”
“Well, I get that’s not how you grew up. Trust me, meeting your family was a culture shock for me too. But we'll get there. With a little training.” He joked, but it was ill timed, “They know there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me when we’re on more serious turf.” He assured you.
“Ummm…I don’t exactly know what you mean by that.” You said as you straightened up a bit and raised your glasses up to your head. You set your book down as well to really just ensure all of your senses were in tune as you had this conversation.
“I mean that once I move in here we’ll get you to a stage where you’ll feel more comfortable assuming the more traditional feminine role in the house.” He said and you were shocked to hear him say this.
“Traditional feminine- OK, I hope this is not what I’m thinking…”
“And what’s that?”
“You want me to wait on you like that? Like your mom and sisters?”
“It’s called acts of service.” He countered.
“Babe, i-if I just sat here all day and did nothing outside of the house, then sure! I’d do work here. Your laundry and iron, clean up after you, and fucking spoon feed you if I wanted to. But you also forget one big thing, Seb. This is my house. My name alone is on the mortgage and every other expense. You should be cleaning up after yourself in my house, especially if you invite yourself over for days at a time!” You raised your voice in frustration.
He looked so offended by what you’d said but this was something that had been frustrating you for quite a while now. Of course you wanted him over, but he just took over your space. He’d stay for days and disrupt everything, like sleep in later than you and not do the bed. Eat and pile up dishes in the sink, he’d leave his dirty laundry and towels on the ground, and he left cups everywhere! But what was most annoying was that he’d leave everything to you. And when you’d call him out on it he’d get it together for a couple days and then go back to his old ways. At first you thought it was just laziness but after spending 10 days with his family you saw that it wasn’t just laziness. Seb had an expectation that you’d soon be doting after him at all times and keeping a nice home for his comfort. He knew that if he’d left a mess you’d eventually grow tired of it and clean it up for him, which was true. But that didn’t mean you wouldn’t gripe about it, but he expected that to diminish and soon become extinct the longer you were together. That was concerning to you and you suddenly found yourself seeing him in a completely different light.
“Well, sorry for taking up your space.” He muttered bitterly as he rolled off the bed and made his way out of your bedroom.
You didn’t stop him from going, you heard the front door lock and that was that. You hadn’t seen this type of attitude from him before, he had never shared those expectations with you before so you were quite shocked to hear him say that and you still hadn’t quite processed everything he’d said. You immediately called Caitlyn and told her all about your trip and now this.
“…Oh my god, so he’s a chauvinist!” Caitlyn gasped and you hummed.
“I just can’t believe this…I mean if this is really what he expects of me then I can’t be in this relationship. Of course I believe in doing things, acts of service for your partner, but what he wants is a maid, mother, and lover wrapped up in one! No…just no.” you sighed.
“I agree. I mean, it’s good it’s only been a bit, yeah?”
“I guess so…” you sighed, “I just can’t believe this.” You muttered, your brain felt like it was about to overheat.
“I mean, he’s from a red state, friend. What did you expect?” Caitlyn said joking and then you both sputtered on a laugh. “So…what’re you thinking then?”
“I’m thinking that…” You sighed, “I saw how his mom was with his dad…I couldn’t live like that.” You explained. “I want to feel like I have a partner, not a boss at home. I can’t be with someone like that. I can’t.”
“Yeah.” Caitlyn said in understanding, “I mean, if that’s truly how he is then it’s for the best to just let this go.”
“Yeah, it wouldn’t end well.” You agreed “I think we both need to cool off a bit and then talk about it.” You said with a sigh and she agreed with you.
You were in a shit mood now and had wandered into the kitchen to grab yourself a bottle of wine and some of those Trader Joes takis. You were soon back in bed and watching a movie as you got drunk and ate your chips. You had a moment of weakness…and against your better judgement you now went on instagram and searched up Harry. You just wanted to see him going about his day, you missed him and knew he’d be so supportive right now, even seeing his smile would be comforting enough. But what you saw coming up had your heart stirring with envy instead of a fuzzy and warm feeling.
For the first time you felt entirely un-special to him. Just four years prior you’d been at the same fucking Anguillian resort frolicking about on the beaches, lazing around in cabanas, getting day drunk on fruity cocktails, and making love to your hearts content. But there he was again but with another person this time. Well, not just any person, his girlfriend, and it was making your blood boil. Was nothing sacred to this man? Did he have to recycle every single thing to lure another person in?
And then you clicked on a post and decided to just see it all and you sighed as you looked through the images of him, so gorgeously tan and buff swimming in the ocean and the final image was of her getting her pictures taken on the sand while he enjoyed the warmth of the Caribbean Sea.
“She’s not even getting in the water with you?!” You nearly shouted at your phone, “What a fucking waste of a vacation!” You grumbled. “I would get in the water with you.” You mumbled drunkenly, “No, no…I did! We went there and I did get in the water with you, no one could get us out!” You said as your tears started to streak down your face, “And we did take pictures too, a lot of them. But we went to have fun, not just to take pictures at sunset like influencers who’d never been to a beach before…” you said bitterly and then frowned.
“OK, but she’s so pretty of course she’s having her fucking picture taken instead of getting in the water with you.” You sighed in defeat. “Also it’s her fucking vacation too, so she can do what she wants with her time…” you said to yourself, rationalizing her choices and deciding not to take out your frustration with Seb on her. “I’m not being a girl’s girl right now.” You scolded yourself for your harsh judgements.
You didn’t even know each other so you had no idea how she was or what her intentions could be at all. But if Harry was with her then she had to be nice and sweet, something that you just weren’t any more. You weren’t being nice when you kissed Harry despite you both being in relationships. You weren’t nice or sweet when you blew up on Sebastian earlier and felt and thought bad things about his family. Instead you were full of spite and sadness. You felt stuck in a loop of negativity that would never end. You were lost, but you didn’t want to be. You wanted to be like you were when you were with Harry. Happy, confident, full of hope…you wanted that back. You were crying so hard and were so drunk after having half a bottle of wine that you just tuckered yourself out.
********
“Tempt fate with me, love. Just one more time.” You heard Harry’s voice purring lowly. You were covered in goosebumps as you nodded, noses nudging lightly.
“OK.” You agreed easily.
“Yeah?” He asked you, grinning wide.
“Yeah.” You agreed happily.
And then your lips met eagerly with some lingering hesitation. But after your eyes met it completely disappeared and your lips were joining again. And then you were on his lap and his hands were fighting not to grab you in places he shouldn’t, but his resolve melted away quickly and was guiding you over his lap, letting you feel his evident need for you.
Suddenly you glanced down at him and he was naked except his briefs and you were too, just your bra and panties, both of you impatient and fighting to not take it to the next level. You felt harry’s fingers gliding up your back, right up to the clasp of your bra but not daring to remove it, instead opting to just lose himself in your kisses.
“Just…mmm, wanna touch you, baby.” He whined into your lips.
“Then touch me.” You whispered back.
“Can I? Can I really?” He hummed and you nodded. He was quick to unclasp your bra and bring his hands forward to cup your breasts. When his kisses trailed down to your chest, you leaned back and let him lick at your nipple teasingly before just sucking your perked up little bud between his lips. You were getting so wet for him, grinding down harder and with more intent.
“Please…I need you. I’ve missed you.” You whimpered and he grinned up at you.
“I’ve missed you too. So fucking much.” He said quietly, “What if he comes home and-”
“Then we should be quick.” You panted and he nodded. Magically, his briefs were gone and he was guiding his hard, thick length to your entrance, holding it up so that you could sit over him and get him inside of you, “Can I?”
“Please. Yes, go.” He rushed out and you both moaned in ecstasy and relief at being connected this way once again.
You rode him slowly, getting used to feeling him deep in your guts like this from how big he was. He was panting and kissing at your neck, his fingers gripping your ass tight as he helped you move over him in ways that were beneficial to the both of you. You picked up your pace then, needing to hurry things along and he groaned against your throat.
“Fuck Y/N, you’re so fucking good.” He mumbled, “Missed you…missed your body, s’my favorite body, baby.” He muttered as he sloppily kissed your neck, “Gonna make me come. But I want t’come inside, can I?”
“Har, I-I don’t know…” you winced as he held you down, his cock impaling deep inside of you. “What about your-”
“Forget everyone else.” He interrupted, “We’re here now, s’just us. It’s us.” He appealed as he started to thrust up.“Don’t tell me you don’t want it like that.” He said, “I know you, love. Know you better than you know yourself.” He mumbled and you choked on a moan as he started to rub your clit.
“Yes, yes please come inside me.” You begged, finally giving in to what it is you wanted.
“Yeah, you want it inside you, my sexy little slut?” He questioned and you moaned and confirmed.
“Yeah, of course you do. You’re a filthy fucking home wrecker, you know that?” He muttered and when you glanced down it wasn’t Harry anymore, it was Sebastian. “Gonna throw me away like that and go after him, aren’t you?” He asked and suddenly you felt stuck in a bad way.
“Please just…” your pleasure was fading fast. He wasn’t fucking you. He was actually fully dressed, just holding you still in his lap and you were stuck there. Still fully naked though, to signify your shame over lusting after Harry.
“You’ve fucked it up with me and now you’re gonna go fuck up his life too. You selfish, greedy bitch.” He seethed with spite.
************
And that’s when you woke up and immediately started crying again. Already, your head was pounding with inhumane levels of pain from the wine you’d drank the night before. But also the shame you felt for your thoughts the night before…it was monumental and sitting on your chest heavily. You felt like you needed to apologize to them for it, that’s how guilty you felt.
Obviously, you missed Harry. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since you’d seen each other late last year. You hadn’t even spoken since! He hadn’t made any moves to rekindle the friendship between you as much as you had insisted that that’s what it was all about. Maybe he saw you and just got lost reminiscing the old days, but when he got back home to his girlfriend and his friends he realized that everything was exactly as it should’ve been. Maybe he needed to be with you to verify whether he was going down the right path now and clearly, he was. But you were just lost…so terribly lost.
************
It was a few days later when Sebastian finally came around to talk about your relationship and he was the one to hit you with the break up speech right off the bat. He made it seem like it was all your fault for not being more accommodating to his needs as a man. You had no idea what he meant by that, but you were in no condition or place to argue with him because you had wronged him. He did go off a bit about how he should’ve listened to his sisters and dumped you the moment you came back from their house. He was angry at you for not wanting to change or make compromises for him even though it was your job as the woman to look after him and your home and that’s when you lost your shit.
“THIS ISN’T YOUR HOME, SEBASTIAN!” You shouted with anger boiling over and he stopped talking, “It’s my fucking house! My house. I bought it with my money! I didn’t buy this house because I was planning a future in it with you! I just wanted a place of my own! That’s it! We weren’t even together when I got the house! What makes you feel like you have any sort of ownership over it or me?! You come here to do laundry and charge and wash your car, using my resources without ever even pitching in. You eat my food and use my AC in the summer-”
“Well you know I don’t have the same amenities at my apartment and-”
“Then tell your mom and dad to get you a better one!” You shouted and he frowned, “You’re spoiled and inconsiderate and completely helpless, Sebastian. I can’t be with a person who can’t hold their own or even bother to google what the symbols mean on the tags of your fucking clothes so that you don’t shrink them in the dryer!”
“Well you already know so I was calling you so that you could tell me-”
“I was busy with my fucking label rep! I couldn’t pick up the phone. But the fucking point is that, like you, at some point I didn’t know! I didn’t know a lot of things! So I had to grow the fuck up and figure them out for myself! And that’s the problem with you, you don’t try to figure things out, you don’t face any problems or obstacles, you just back yourself into a corner, telling yourself that you don’t know! You make everyone else jump in and sort things out the second an inconvenience arises for you.” He was pouting now.
“Is that really how you see me? A spoiled man-child who can’t do things for themselves?”
“Yes.” You said and he chuckled.
“Who changed your tire when you got a flat? Who mows your fucking lawn when the landscapers can’t make it-”
“I can change a fucking tire, Seb! And I can mow a lawn! It’s not fucking rocket science! You insisted on doing those things for me because you said I “wouldn’t do them right”, don’t forget that detail.” You said and he shook his head.
“Well, no one ever wants to be with a know it all so…fuck you.” He said before leaving your house with a loud slam of the front door.
All you could feel was relief. It was like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders and you just wanted to run. So you did, you called up Caitlyn and you drove down to the beach and just ran and ran along the shore until you were shivering from the cold and could hardly feel your nose and lips. You were panting, struggling to take in a nice deep breath as you guys dropped down into the sand. Caitlyn being in much better shape than you wasn’t nearly as winded.
“How much did we run? Like two miles?” You asked as you swallowed thickly and she laughed.
“Try a 3/4’s of a mile…maybe a full one.” She said and you groaned and just let yourself fall back into the sand and stared up at the sky, it was slowly growing darker. You could feel your legs tingling a bit from the constant running, and as you laid there, letting all of your feelings from the past few weeks process you stopped feeling cold. “Want some water?”
“You brought water?”
“Yeah, my camelback.” She said and took it off and handed it to you. You thanked her and sucked some out of the straw before handing it back. “You good?”
“I don’t know…” you said monotonously, “No, actually.”
“Mmmm, I have a joint?” She said and you chuckled.
“Light her up.” You mumbled and she smiled and did just that.
Soon she was laying back as well as she handed you the joint while she blew out the hit she’d taken. You took your hit as well, holding just a little bit because you were so bad at smoking and it was also bad for you as a singer. You still choked on it and shot up, snatching the water from Caitlyn as she giggled at you.
“God…” you groaned before laying back down, “You know, I saw pictures of Harry on vacation with Taylor the other day…internet stalking is the fucking worst, you know that? Why would you want to do that to yourself?” You asked Caitlyn.
“Mmmm, so nothing catches you by surprise. Or at least that’s what I like about it. I mean, if it’s just speculation at least you have that possible scenario in your head and you can process it before it’s just shoved in your face randomly, you know?”
“Yeah, I guess…I was judging her for not swimming in the ocean with Harry.” You said and then started laughing, “I don’t know why that particular thing pissed me off so much!” You laughed and Caitlyn did too, “Like what’s so fucking special about swimming that just triggered me…so ridiculous.” You mumbled.
“Just a bit…” she said.
“I think I’m starting to realize that…nothing about us was really special. Like we did all the things they do now just in secret…it’s like…I’m watching my relationship with him being reenacted.” You said with welled up eyes, but you didn’t cry this time. “It’s…it’s so weird.” You hummed and then you were silent for a few minutes, passing the joint back and forth.
“Wanna hear a rumor I heard?” Caitlyn said and you turned to her in interest, “I heard from Mer that-”
“Mer Winston? You’re still friends?”
“Oh yeah, we talk all the time.” Caitlyn confirmed, “But she said that they got in a huge fight before Christmas, he came over and had this whole venting session with them over lunch one day. And she said that H had a lot of making up to do if he wanted to make it work with her.”
“I hope that wasn’t my fault.” You mumbled.
“Maybe he decided to tell her about meeting up with you.”
“Maybe…” you sighed, “We haven’t talked at all or anything like that. It was part of the deal. If things were meant to happen then they would.” You said and Caitlyn hummed.
“Maybe it’s like an apology vacation…”
“Who knows, but like…they’re there now so whatever…”
“Harry’s a bit annoying though, isn’t he? Like clingy if I recall? Like lanky ass wrapped around you all the fucking time, no?” Caitlyn asked and you chuckled and nodded.
“Yeah, sounds about right…”
“Then why wasn’t he clinging to her? I saw the pictures too, by the way…” she added and you chuckled.
“Maybe he was? But he gets nervous when he knows people are watching.” You explained. “And besides, you should be the voice of reason here, not the conspiracy theorist!” You reprimanded and she chuckled as she handed you the last bit of the joint and you declined.
“Sorry, it’s the weed.” She said and you sighed.
“Well I’m not feeling shit.” You said, still completely sober.
“You’re not doing it right, s’why.” She laughed and you huffed.
“Damaging my lungs for nothing…” you muttered.
“I assure you with how shallow your inhales are that shit didn’t reach your lungs.” She cackled and she couldn’t stop from there.
You walked back to where you parked with your arms linked together as you talked about other things. You were fine now, you just needed to get all the emotions out of your system. And well, just because your relationship had ended it didn’t mean that Harry was meant for you. Or you for him. All this meant was that Sebastian wasn’t right for you and you weren’t right for him. And as you walked along the shore you decided that you weren’t going to seek Harry out, you were going to forget about the little deal you made yourselves, that was just wishful thinking and you couldn’t set yourself up for disappointment like that. He was just so far away, it wasn’t cute, it wasn’t realistic, it was just sadistic and psychologically damaging. If you love someone you let them go.
“I know this is so gross but I have to use the bathrooms here before they close.” Caitlyn said and you chuckled and nodded and she took off for the bathrooms. You just wandered back to the concrete wall that separated the pavement from the sand. The sun was just about to disappear and it felt so perfectly poetic. It was cathartic, thinking of him while the sun set second by second. And when the last little sliver started to fade you smiled and exhaled shakily before whispering.
“Bye, Harry.”
*************
The news of your breakup with Sebastian had come swiftly to the public as the very next day Seb released a statement via an Instagram post asking for “privacy in this difficult time”. It was interesting to you because he was the one who did the dumping. But then the questions started pouring in from your manager and publicists and you confirmed that you’d broken up and explained why and they decided that they would not give him the satisfaction or even an acknowledgement with a confirmation to the media.
You did get papped outside of your preferred grocery store the week after he announced the break up and you believed it was to do with the fact that you nor your team had done a thing to acknowledge his announcement. You had a strict plan for grocery shopping as to prevent being papped or seen by too many people and the one person who knew that apart from Caitlyn was him. So it was about 9 at night and the paps were bombarding you with questions about this break up as you unloaded your groceries into the car and all you said was “Yep, Seb broke up with me.” with a bright smile. You wanted to give “Nicole Kidman divorced from psycho cult follower, Tom Cruise” vibes. You felt like you’d escaped a super shitty future. You were sure he could find someone who would happily be all the things he wanted them to be for him, but that’s certainly not what you wanted from a relationship. You did wish him well, but that was all there was to it.
Unfortunately for Sebastian, his plot with the paps backfired a bit. People were pointing out that you seemed happy and relieved about the breakup as you just carried on with life. And then that turned into speculations that he wrote that post on instagram for some compassion from the public since he had broken up with you. And yeah, that was all true, but you weren’t going to fuel the fire. The public could be your bestest friend of your greatest foe, so it was better not to try and involve the masses when possible. That’s something you had learned from Harry, regardless of whether things were good or bad, the public always had something to say and the best thing to do was not to give them any ammunition.
*************
Harry’s POV:
Harry had heard about your break up through the grapevine and his first instinct was to check up on you. It’d been a few days and he was still teetering on the edge of whether he should or not, he’d have to go through some lengths to do so, but he wanted to. Admittedly, he was already on thin ice…
When he got back from LA he was just really in his head about everything and when Tay asked what was up he was honest with her. Except the kiss, he didn’t tell her about the kiss. But he shared with her that he asked to see you. He told her that he chose to stay longer in hopes to see you again. He was honest about why he didn’t want to tell her that he wanted to hang out with you. He was honest about how much shit it stirred up in him to have run into you. Obviously, she was pissed at him, even said it was probably over, he had never seen her angry before but it came at him strong and she was gone for a few days. That’s when he took advantage to talk about all this to someone else, so he made his way over for lunch with Ben and Meredith and told them all of it.
Once it was off his chest he reached out to fix things with his girlfriend. And while she agreed to work through this with him there had been a lot of conditions given until he regained the trust that he had broken. She wanted him to remove your number from his phone because as she’d put it, he had no business trying to talk to you while you were in a relationship and while he was in a relationship. He genuinely couldn’t argue with that logic so he did right there in her face so that she could see for herself. She also wanted to understand what it was about you that made him suddenly lose all his self control. And against his better judgment he told her about you and he saw for himself how the more he spoke, the bigger the hole he dug for himself.
The holidays were a little weird, there was still some tension and it was good that she got to be around his family to distract a bit from all the hurt and anger that was still lingering beneath the surface. So when the new year came by he suggested they get out of town, have a nice little change of pace to start out their year together. And now here they were, he had just seen another post about you and Sebastian being over and he just needed to check.
“Mate, d-do you think you can reach out to Jen and get Y/N’s number?” Harry asked Tom quietly.
“Jen?”
“Yeah, Jen Lockley, her manager.” He said and Tommy sighed.
“I know that I work for you, but this is stupid, H. Is this really something you want to be doing? Especially with the situation you’re in right now.” He admonished.
“Look, her boyfriend just broke up with her, I just want to make sure she’s OK.” He explained and Tommy sighed and pulled out his phone and was typing something up before handing his phone over. It was a video of you getting papped, smiling bright as you confirmed the break up.
“She’s fine.” He assured.
“OK.” He sighed.
“Why is she so happy about it?” Tommy asked.
“I don’t know…maybe if I talked to her I’d know.”
“So this has nothing to do with you?” He asked.
“No! I just came and asked you for her number! If that’s not an act of desperation, I don’t know what is…”
“So what are you trying to do here? Are you not as happy as you let on or what?”
“I am, I just…I miss her. She was my best friend, you know? I was rocked when I saw her. I didn’t expect to feel as much as I did. I couldn’t help that, running into her was out my control.” He explained
“Yeah, I get that. But look, you’ve got someone really great right in front of you.”
“I know that…s’just, different. She’s a different person.” Harry said, “Which is great, it’s just…different.” He said again.
“Was that relationship the one that like…changed everything?” He asked and Harry nodded. Tommy had been working with Jeffrey for a while, but he and Harry only started getting close after Jeffrey and Glenne got married, he wasn’t with you by then anymore. So he hadn’t really seen your relationship like everyone else had.
“Yeah. I wanted to marry her. Have a baby with her, everything. We met when I was still in the band, she’s was there for the whole transition out of it, she helped me with my songs for my first album…we grew up together, you know? Challenged each other, encouraged each other.”
“And you ended it because?”
“We were both way too busy, we hardly had time to see each other during the last 2 years we were togther. We were doing extreme things just to have a weekend together, you know? It was draining and exhausting for the both of us so ummm…we just decided to end it.”
“Well, regardless of how you feel now, it’s over H. I just don’t want you to…to look past what you have now just because you’re clinging to the past.”
“Well what if she’s in my future?” He asked and Tommy sighed.
“If that’s really how you feel then what are you doing here with someone else? What’s the point? Just killing time until you can have the person you want?”
“It’s not like I don’t love Tay, I just…also love Y/N. I think I’ll always love her and I’ll always wonder about her. She’s the one that…got away, so it’s always going to be like this.”
“Does your girlfriend know that?”
“I think she’s starting to figure it out…” Harry sighed.
“Well if that’s how it is you still need to focus on the relationship you’re in now. You have nothing going on with Y/N, not even a friendship, so you need to be present. Turn a new page, like you promised.”
“I will. I will.” He repeated, almost as if trying to convince himself more than Tommy.
Tommy could understand why it was hard for Harry to just move on when he felt like the person that was his person was slowly pulling further and further from his reach. He believed that you could be torn between two people, love more than one person at a time, but not everyone accepted that kind of love or relationship. He didn’t think Harry would start a full blown affair with you, but for some it was worse in a way, knowing that their partner felt love for them and someone else. It couldn’t be easy for Taylor to come to terms with that; especially if she wasn’t aware that Harry even had the ability to love this way. Or that there was someone who had the ability to affect him that much that wasn’t her.
“I know this is fucking unfair of me but I really just have no control over these feelings, mate. I saw her again and it hit me like a fucking train that I love her, you know? It’s weird for me too to suddenly have all these different feelings for someone else when I thought I had moved on; it was unexpected. I even…love her in a different way than I do Taylor.” Harry explained with a furrowed brow.
“Well don’t say that to her. Ever.” Tommy advised.
“Well, I just think she’s understanding this all wrong…like she thinks that seeing Y/N raised up some conflict or doubts in me about our relationship. That I’m “torn” between options and it’s not that at all. I enjoy our relationship and I love being with her, so much, but it’s not what Y/N and I had. So I’m not looking for that in Tay nor am I comparing her to Y/N at all. Like I love Taylor for Taylor and what she does for me and how we function together. But I also love Y/N for all of what we had and all that we could possibly be. It’s completely separate…she’s still on this “emotional cheating” argument, which I get what she means. But it’s not like I’m looking for something she’s lacking, you know? I’m not even looking for anything else with anyone else. It’s just feelings.”
“Love is a big feeling, H.” Tommy said. “It’s getting messy.”
“I know and like…she just wants me to let it go and move on which is impossible. I can’t just stop loving Y/N on command, you know? If it’s going to happen it’s going to take a lot of time. I mean, I thought I was past all this until we were face to face. Who’s to say that won’t happen again 10 years from now or something?”
“Yeah, I see your dilemma.” Tommy hummed. “I mean, the fact that you deleted her number should be a good start for Tay. Show her that you’re willing to just focus on you two.”
“Yeah…”
“I mean, you get why you guys can’t even be friends, right?”
“Of course, I do. It just…it sucks.” He sighed.
************
Harry didn’t think Taylor would be keeping an eye out for you after he deleted your number, but she was. And it was late and he was tired and a little sunburnt and he just wanted to plop into bed after his cold shower, but the concerned look on her face made him realize that something was about to go down that would prevent him from resting as he hoped.
“What’s the matter, love?” He asked right away instead of waiting for her to get around to stating the problem.
“She broke up with him.” She said to him with a slightly nervous tone.
“Who broke up with who?” He asked, playing dumb.
“Y/N, with Sebastian. My friend just send this to me.” She said turning her phone to him as he came over to the bed. It was a tabloid cover with the news.
“Well good for her, he was kind of a prick.” Harry said as he climbed in.
“So you’re happy about this?”
“If she’s happy about it then yeah. And again, I’m not his biggest fan, so why wouldn’t I be?” He questioned.
“I’m sure she’s doing it for you.” She said with a slightly accusatory tone, “Does that make you happy too?” She asked him, challenging him. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.
“She’s not doing it for me. When we talked she was telling me that they were having some issues that she was having a hard time getting past. Seems like it was coming. Maybe they both reached their breaking points.” He reasoned. But the thought did cross his mind, was she sending him a sign?
“Harry, I hate feeling this way…” she said, “This isn’t me.” She shook her head, “You know this isn’t me. But I feel…like we’re up in the air.” She repeated and he sighed.
“I’m sorry.” All he could really do was apologize. “You have no reason to feel that way though, babe. I’m not looking for anything with Y/N, love. When I said I still have feelings for her, it’s just that, they’re feelings. But we’re not gonna talk, I’m never gonna see her again-”
“You don’t know that, Harry.” She interrupted.
“Well, not on purpose, I won’t, not if you don’t want me to.” He said and she sighed.
“My whole point is that I shouldn’t have to put restrictions on you, like a child! I should be able to trust that you won’t hurt me.”
“Then trust me. I’m not going to do anything with this.” He assured and she pouted.
“What if you never stop loving her?” She asked him and he sighed.
“Babe, I don’t know…”
“Well what then? I just have to live in her shadow for however long we’re together? What if that’s my whole life?” She asked with a frown and he was getting a bit frustrated that people weren’t understanding that this wasn’t a competition for him.
“Babe, it’s not like that…you’re not in her shadow because you’re never going to be her!” He groaned and she frowned, “Let me finish.You’re not Y/N and Y/N’s not ever going to be you. It’s not a competition…I don’t want you to give me what I had with her. I like what we have now. I’m not comparing, I’m not trying to get pieces of that relationship back through you. They’re two mutually exclusive things! If I continue to be here for you how you need, and I’m faithful, and supportive, and am fulfilling all of those duties we talked about… how do my feelings for her impact us?” He asked.
“See, to me that feels like a cop out.” She said and Harry sighed.
“How?! How on earth?”
“Because you can continue loving her for the rest of your life if you want under this mentality you have! What if loving her from afar stops being enough? I don’t want to share you with someone else! That’s not what I signed up for.”
“You’re not sharing me with anyone!” He groaned.
“See that’s what you’re not getting, Harry. I know you feel you’re not and you can even make the distinction, but I can’t do that, H. I don’t function that way. How do I know that one day your mind won’t change and you’ll want to be with her instead of me since you’ve kept this channel open?” She asked.
“My feelings for you can start to change at any given moment for any number of reasons that are completely unrelated to Y/N, so-”
“You’re a dick.” She said and got out of bed and just locked herself in the bathroom.
He tried to explain what it was he was trying to convey but Tommy was right, this was getting messy. She said she’d only come out when he was out of the bedroom so he made his way to the general area of the large condo style suite they’d rented out at the resort and just laid on the couch. If there was an off-switch to loving you, Harry would’ve made use of it ages ago. It wasn’t easy to love someone who life kept pushing out of your reach. He just loved you
from afar, he reckons he always would.
…. February 2024 ….
You were at your wits end with Sebastian. It took him about a month of you two being broken up before he started trying to spark things up between the two of you again. You wanted to believe it was because he’s considered his antiquated (in your opinion) expectations of you, but your gut told you it had more to do with the fact that you were what gave him more exposure. You hadn’t really run into him anywhere during awards season or even any parties, though he had been persistent to talk to you. You’d declined and rejected him so many times, yet once again, you got home from the studio to see your assistant had left yet another fresh bouquet of roses on the console table you had by the door. You sighed and grabbed the little card that was tucked in among the greenery.
Thinking of you today, Y/N. I hope we can talk or see each other soon. I’ll be waiting.
- XO, Seb
You sighed as you picked out the little card and crumbled it in your hand. Now you had a dozen red roses you had no use for. It irked you quite a bit, like everything was though as of late. This foulness of your mood was brought on by the visit of a mutual friend a few weeks prior. They were based in London though, so you hadn’t seen each other face to face in at least three year. But when you met up, they talked about your old circle in London, and obviously that led to the mentioning of Harry and how happy he was with Taylor. They said that the pair had been traveling together a lot, and just really immersing themselves in what they had going on. Hearing that solidified your decision to just steer clear of anything that had to do with Harry. Especially if he was really focused on making things work in his current relationship, as he should! But this also reminded you that you really needed to move on and not just say you would, like you often did. You slipped out of your loafers and migrated to the kitchen to figure out your dinner when your phone started ringing and you glanced down to see it was one of the guys from the studio.
“Hey Ricky, what’s up?” You asked with some pep.
“Hey Y/N, it’s going good. We’re almost done with the single. Ummm, I was actually calling about something else though. You know how my younger sister’s in a band?” He asked.
“Yeah…” you said as you opened up your fridge.
“So they’re doing this charity concert to raise money for an emergency student fund for students in financial need at UCSD. She asked me to run the sound system and if I could rope in any friends to volunteer for the main performance last minute? They’ve got a few local bands and singers lined up and them plus a surprise guest is what they hoped. But the surprise guest decided to drop out since they weren’t going to be paid.”
“What an ass.”
“I know, they knew about it too! It’s for charity!” He said, “Obviously, they’re at a loss and don’t want the event to flop. I told my sister she had one favor a year and she called it. So I was wondering if-”
“Oh my god, you don’t even have to ask. It’s for a good cause! When is it?” You asked.
“It’s going to be on March 9th, it’s a Saturday, at the SDSU amphitheater.” He shared and she pulled her phone away to put him on speaker and look at her calendar.
“Ummm, I don’t believe I have anything lined up for that weekend…yeah, no. I’m all clear so I can definitely participate.” You assured.
“Seriously?!” Ricky asked in disbelief, “Like they can’t pay anything though. The school pitched in for some thank you gifts, that’s all.” He said and you chuckled.
“No problem. I would love to help out.”
“You’re a saint! Let me text you her information so that you can reach out to her and get the lowdown on all this.”
“Sounds good.”
“Thank you, Y/N. Seriously, thank you so much! You’re the tenth person I’ve called.” Ricky confessed.
“Ummm?” You exclaimed, face twisted in full offense, “I’m offended that I’m the tenth choice.” You chuckled, “Unless you were like calling in personal favors from like Lana or Rihanna.” You added and he chuckled.
“No…I just know you’ve been going through a bit emotionally lately, so I didn’t want to rope you into anything last minute and burden you with anything else.” He explained.
“Oh, I’m up for anything that involves singing.” You assured him and he chuckled.
“Well thank you, she’s going to be so happy about this. She’s kind of a fan…” Ricky sighed in relief and you chuckled.
“Anytime. See you tomorrow?”
“Yep. Have a good night.”
“I will. And Ricky, don’t stay too late, please.” You said and he chuckled.
“I’ll try…” he mumbled and you both chuckled before hanging up.
…. MARCH 2024 ….
Time had flown by and you had rehearsed with Alondra, Ricky’s sister, and her band the weekend before the show. You’d actually spent the weekend with them, at Marisol, their drummer’s house. You’d all slept over and they took you around to some of the low-key spots in the area. You really enjoyed spending the weekend with them, Marisol’s parents were so sweet and hospitable. But on Sunday afternoon you moved to an AirBnB that was closer to the campus and would provide you all plenty of space and privacy to rehearse later in the week. Ricky drove up on Tuesday night with Caitlyn and Melissa to stay with you for the rest of the time as well.
On Friday night you were doing your rehearsal/soundcheck at the amphitheater right before the city’s noise curfew. This was because there weren’t as many people on campus around at that hour and a larger area had already been blocked off from public access for the event. So thankfully you guys finished that quite fast and Ricky had all your settings down for the following day.
“You guys sounded so good.” Ricky assured as his arm draped around Alondra’s shoulder as you guys rallied up on the now cleared stage.
“Yeah?” She asked and he nodded with pride.
“OK, so are we getting drinks or what?” Their keyboard player, Pablo interrupted, “I need something to distract me, please.” He mumbled and you frowned, you had no idea what was wrong, but going out to get shit faced before a gig day was a poor idea.
“Well in the interest of ensuring you don’t feel like shit tomorrow, we can go to the house? We have a pool and hot tub, and I know Caitlyn has weed on her, and we can get drinks and order food?” You suggested.
“You’re really just giving away your friend’s weed?” Pablo chuckled.
“I can get her more.” You chuckled, “What do you guys say?” You wanted to ensure that whatever had Pablo so worked up didn’t make him lose control.
“I like it, let’s do it.” Alondra said and with that you were making your way over to the AirBnB.
After making your purchases and just ordering some pizza’s you guys were all hanging out in the patio enjoying the refreshing breeze of the night. Pablo was definitely a little crossed and looking quite bummed out. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, but didn’t want to seem nosy. So you headed inside to find Alondra, she had gone in to get herself some water.
“Hey, what’s wrong with Pablo?” You asked as you came into the kitchen.
“Oh, he found out that his ex-girlfriend is now dating one of the guys from another band that will be playing tomorrow, he saw her name on their guest list. They haven’t seen each other since the break up which actually was maybe a year ago. It was just a really sad time for him.” She explained quietly.
“Oh…yeah, running into an ex can be weird after so long.” You shared from personal experience.
“Yeah, they’d been together since high school, so I think the relationship had just run its course and she knew it, but he didn’t see it like that. He talked about marrying her and having kids with her all the time and she’s so sweet, but he was just really giving up on everything else to stay with her and she didn’t want that for him, so she ended it before he sacrificed too much, you know?”
“Yeah, I know how that is…” you assured. And suddenly you heard a familiar song play loudly from the outside…
“No hard feelings honey
There’ll be no bad blood
Losing your love has been hard enough
Life can be short, but life can be sweet
No hard feelings honey, the next time we meet”
Your heart shriveled in your chest because this song had been played a lot by you. The single had come out maybe a month or two after you and Harry ended things. You’d cried so much to this song, it still made you feel things, clearly. You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard Pablo and Caitlyn all singing along loudly and you and Alondra rushed outside as Ricky smiled at you guys. Pablo was sandwiched between Caitlyn and Jesse, the bassist, as a few tears streamed down his face as he sang the lyrics to “No Hard Feelings”.
“We need to add this to the set list…please!” He sniffled as he stopped singing along, “I learned how to play it a bit ago. Please….” He begged Alondra with tearful, puppy dog eyes.
“I mean, w-we can, but I actually don’t know this song, I don’t think I can get it down by tomorrow.” She explained. Pablo was not a singer, he hated it, so he glanced to Marisol who also was not all that confident in learning the song right now for a performance the next day.
“Y/N?” He turned to you, “Do you know it?” He asked you.
“She does!” Caitlyn cut in, “Sing it with him!” She pouted at you and you glanced to Pablo who looked so hopeful now and you forced a smile.
“I do. I also know the bass part.” You shared and he smiled.
“I just want her to know that I’m glad she’s happy. It hurts, but I’m so happy for her.” He said and everyone hummed in understanding and then Caitlyn’s eyes glanced to yours as you swallowed thickly. ‘SORRY’ she mouthed to you when she realized what she’d done and you just smiled at her to assure her it was fine. Even if it wasn’t, it had to be fine.
The next morning Pablo was up with you, earlier than everyone else, and with some coffee in your hands you got to figuring out an arrangement. Luckily, Ricky had brought along a guitar, bass, and travel sized amp for the work you’d be doing during the week and so you practiced on that. There was a piano in the house, so Pablo practiced on that for now. You were both so familiar with the song that it was so fast to get an arrangement set and for your guys to get it down. You had agreed on starting out the first verse/chorus with the keyboard like in the lullaby version and then you’d come in with the bass and transition into the regular studio version. You went over it a handful of times before deciding that it was perfect.
And so far, it was going perfect, the concert was sold out and the bands were doing great. People were singing along and having a nice time. You didn’t get nervous so much anymore, but it nearing the end of the show and you were waiting back stage to have Alondra call you out to play alone with Pablo.
“Thank you everyone.” Alondra spoke into the mic, “Before we wrap it up, we have just a couple more songs for you guys.” she said and the crowd cheered, “Thanks, you guys are great. Now, we’re going to bring Y/N out one more time for a special song with Pablo.” and upon mentioning your name the crowd started to cheer louder, “We hope you like this one.” She smiled and moved away from the mic.
Jesse took off his bass and handed it to you. You got it on as you walked further onto the stage. You smiled as you got it in a comfortable position and glanced to Pablo who nodded that he was ready to go. You felt your stomach swirling with nerves and nostalgia, but you had to use that to push forward. You let out a long exhale as you gave the bass a couple plucks to test the volume in your earpiece and when that was good you walked up to mic properly.
“Please be gentle with this one.” You said softly and then glanced back to Pablo and gave him one more nod as you inhaled and started to sing.
You faintly heard some gasps and coos when people recognized what you were singing before everyone fell mostly silent and just listened. The entire amphitheater started to light up with flashlights from people’s phones, making the moment feel magical as well as solemn as you sang through the first two verses. When you got to the instrumental you angled yourself towards Pablo to be able to see his cues. You then turned back to the mic as you guys got ready for the final verse, you eased out of playing the bass and went back to just Pablo playing the keyboard, letting his final note resonate as you took a deep breath as you leaned into the mic. And when your eyes shut gently to envision the words Harry’s face appeared and you knew your facade would crumble.
“The threads that kept us together were already wearing thin…” your voice faded into breathy whisper as a huge knot formed in your throat. Pablo noticed and you swallowed thickly and he slowed his tempo to let you get to the next part, “Would we ever have tied the knot? Well how long is a piece of string?” You sang sweetly as your tears started to silently streak down your face. “And for everything that ends, something else must begin…” Your voice cracked as you inhaled shakily to finish the song. The crowd cheered you on, giving you the courage to finish the song, “No hard feelings, honey. And we both will take the win.” You finished softly and you quickly turned away from the mic as a sob escaped you. The audience was so kind and generous with you two as an also crying Pablo came up and hugged you tight.
“You were so good…thank you for doing this for me.” He hummed before he let you go. Your hands squeezed his and you nodded and smiled at him before waving and walking off stage for the final time. You couldn’t even hear Alondra’s final thanks as you hurried down the steps to find a place to be alone and cry it out for just a bit before you had to face everyone again.
**************
You kind of felt like an idiot for agreeing to sing this song with Pablo over the weekend because the performance had gone viral overnight. Then, first thing Monday, the university’s media department posted a full length, HQ video of it. Obviously, the story was that you delivered such an emotional and beautiful performance because your break up with Sebastian was so fresh. A bunch of reporters and blogs had reached out for commentary and you had declined, of course. That didn’t stop Sebastian from reaching out several times trying to reconcile things between you two. It had all been turned into one big, chaotic, and raging dumpster fire.
Noticing the chaos that had ensued from his performance you were invited out to a wine bar with a couple friends just to loosen up. And on your way out you were swarmed by a small group of paparazzi, and as you tried to get through, one of the paps asked about how you were actually coping with the break up because you had seemed happy about it before. Then, another asked if the performance was for Sebastian. Maybe it was because you were a bit drunk, but you decided to give a response because you didn’t want to keep encouraging Seb.
“Look, that song is just special to me, it has been for years. And performing it kind of transported me back to that time of my life where it was my lifeline.” You explained, “There’s a lot of history with this song and a lot of feelings I had been holding in for a while came out during the performance, that’s all.” You explained, “I promise, I’m fine and everything’s good with the break up.” You assured before being tugged away by Ricky to his car as he muttered something about you not owning anyone any explanations.
****************
HARRY’S POV:
Harry was sure that everything had been going well between him and Taylor. He really had focused on her and on them and things had been going great. She had been back to her old self and then at some point over the weekend something shifted because she was a bit annoyed again and it only got worse during the week. Harry figured it was something personal because he was pretty sure that he had done nothing to illicit any type of irritation from her. But he could see she was having a hard time with not taking out any frustration on him so he decided to ask, just in case.
“Babe, is everything alright?” He asked as he strolled into the entertainment room, she’d been in there reading after dinner. When she glanced up he was met with an exasperated and somewhat angry expression and he wished he had left it alone, “Have I done something?” He followed up as he sat at the edge of cushion with her legs on it. “Please tell me if I have, I thought we were doing good.” He said as one of his hands smoothed up her ankle to her knee, this was to placate both him and her. He really needed to know because he felt like he was walking on eggshells the last few days.
“No, H. You’re…good. I’m sorry, I’m just really trying my best not to take my frustration out on you for something that I know isn’t really your issue-”
“OK, well what is it? Maybe I can help.” He offered.
“No, it’s super insignificant and stupid…”
“I think not if it has you in this state, babe.” He countered her logic. “C’mon, let me help you.” He insisted and she shook her head.
“Trust me, Harry, you don’t need to know about this.” She assured. That made him a bit annoyed because whether she meant to or not, she was being weird with him and he wanted it to stop.
“Well I think I do. You’re trying not to take it out on me but you’re still acting strange and cold and are super irritable anyway so-”
“It’s freaking Y/N, OK!?” She finally said, voice raised and laced with irritation. Harry frowned and now his anger was aimed at you. Had you said something to Taylor? He couldn’t see a world in which you would, but maybe you had. And well whatever it was, it had to have been really personal for her to be reacting like this and being upset over it for days now.
“OK? Did she do or say something to you?” He asked and she sighed.
“No…not directly, but she…she’s doing a bad job at fixing that stunt she pulled over the weekend and-”
“What? What stunt?” He asked. He really had completely blocked out anything about you because he didn’t want to make Taylor feel like he was keeping tabs on you or his options open. So he truly had no idea what you had done or were up to recently.
“She sang at some college charity show and she sang this song…but she did it on purpose because the song’s about you! It’s a break up song about seeing your ex again!” She insisted. Harry’s curiosity was piqued. What song had you sang that she was so sure it was about him?
“Maybe it was about her recent break up, babe.” He tried to think of anything else that would make her let this go and not worry about it so much.
“Not according to what she told the paparazzi yesterday.” She added and Harry sighed but couldn’t prevent the chuckle that slipped past his mouth.
“Oh my god, love…since when do we care about anything the paps have to say? Hmmm?” He asked and she sighed.
“There’s video.” She informed. “I’ve seen it…multiple times, much to my misfortune” she shared and upon hearing this Harry felt defeat overcome him. He needed to choose his next words carefully, because it was something that might upset her further, but she needed to hear.
“Look, I know you have every right to be wary of this and even to doubt me, but babe, this has gone too far. Way too far.” Harry stated his concern and she sighed, the same defeated look over her face.
“I know, babe. I know it has.” She admitted.
“I just…I’m trying to understand it, babe.” He sighed with confusion, “All this time I’ve been putting all of my focus on us and improving our relationship, like I told you I would. And honestly, t’s feeling like you hardly notice or care for it all because all you do is obsess over my ex!” He explained his feelings, evidently quite forlorn.
“The ex you still love, H.” She reminded him of that pertinent detail. Harry nodded in understanding and scoffed out a defeated laugh.
“Tay, I can’t do anything else to prove to you that I love you and am committed to you. I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to get you to just be here again. Please, just be here with me.” He beckoned she blinked rapidly as she drew her eyes up to the ceiling.
“I feel like I’m losing my mind too.” She confessed softly, “I promise I’m trying to move past this, H. I am. But honestly, I’m starting to think that maybe I just…can’t.” she confessed and he nodded silently. “I see the effort, babe. Thank you for it, I appreciate it, I promise you, I do.” She insisted, “I just…kind of wish you had never said anything to me about this…” she confessed. Harry was feeling that way too. He should’ve just made something up about why he was acting strange.
“I think I’m just going t’go to bed. Sleep on it, hopefully wake up feeling a bit more optimistic about this than today.” She said and he nodded as she got up from he couch.
“I love you, sleep well.” He said. She leaned over him and kissed his forehead and gave him a smile before leaving him alone.
Harry felt super shit now. He had fucked up a catastrophic amount. He truly did regret being honest about the situation with you. He should’ve kept it to himself because now things were just getting weird. Sure, he was a bit annoyed with Taylor’s recent hobby of stalking you, but he couldn’t blame her or label her insane for it, he had done that to her. And for the first time he truly questioned what it was that he had gone and done with you. She didn’t deserve to doubt herself or their relationship like she was now. They were both having a miserable time and it was entirely his fault. He wasn’t sure what to do from here, he didn’t even know if there was anything he could do to help fix this.
*************
It took Harry a few days before he decided to look up the videos Taylor was talking about to see for himself why she was struggling so much to let this one go. But when he saw the video of you singing “No Hard Feelings” with so much emotion he knew it had nothing to do with Sebastian. He had to force down the growing lump in his throat and blink away the tears accumulating in his eyes, this felt like a goodbye from you almost and it confused him. The emotion was definitely tangible even weeks later though a screen, he could understand why it was haunting Taylor. And then he saw the pap video she mentioned, he couldn’t agree that what you had said was damning evidence, but if she felt that way, what could he do? He wasn’t going to tell her he watched them. They did make him want to call you though, but of course he’d leave it alone and decided against it, both for his and Taylor’s sake.
Instead, he called Caitlyn, he needed to see what in the world you had been thinking when you decided to do that. He was genuinely curious. Of course, he first texted her to let her know he wanted to talk when she could. He didn’t want to just spring a call on her and risk you being there. And finally, the time they had agreed to talk had come and she was calling him. He strolled out to his back yard, taking advantage of the evening breeze while Taylor got ready. They were going to Mitch and Sarah’s place for dinner in a bit.
“Hey, Har!” Caitlyn greeted him energetically for her time of day.
“Hiya.” He greeted, “You sound chipper.”
“Just came in from a jazzercise class.” She explained and he chuckled.
“Oh shit, did it go well?”
“Yeah. It was really fun. How are you? How’s it going?”
“I’m alright, but it’s been a bit…tough.”
“Did something happen?”
“Well I told Taylor about seeing Y/N, so I’ve been making up for that…but I guess there was a show a couple weeks ago and she sang a song that has her a bit upset. She feels like Y/N did it on purpose I guess, to like…bait me in or something. And then she said some bit about it being important to her in the past and that’s kind of what…made Tay just lose it a bit.” He explained and Caitlyn hummed.
“Well, the song wasn’t to bait you, it’s kind of my fault she ended up singing it. The guy she played it with found out his ex was going to be at the show with someone else just the night before and he wanted to sing it for her. It was very last minute…she was the only one who knew the song well enough to pull it off with him the very next day. I volunteered her and put her in a difficult position where she couldn’t really decline…I knew she knew the song because she did listen to it a lot after…I didn’t know it would…affect her like that though.” She explained sadly, “I’m sorry it caused trouble for you, H.” Caitlyn apologized.
“It’s alright, Cait.” He assured. Now that he understood the context he felt relieved. He knew you weren’t a petty person like he could be, and he was a bit upset at himself for even considering that you would actually do something on purpose to bait him or cause turmoil in his relationship.
“I just feel awful…as you probably know now, she’s gone viral for it and it’s caused her some problems. It was such a vulnerable moment that she didn’t expect either so I know she hates that it’s kind of blown her up a bit.”
“I mean, she sounded incredible and it was just so sincere. Of course everyone’s obsessed with it.” He said with understanding.
“Yeah. She just feels really exposed, I think. And also, when she said that to the pap, about it being something form her past, she was super drunk. She called me the next morning asking if it sounded as awful as she felt it did, which I personally don’t think it did. But I mean, I could understand why Tay’s feeling upset about this.” Caitlyn said and Harry nodded.
“Yeah…I just don’t know what I can do to…fix this.”
“That bad?”
“Yeah…a few days ago she said that she wasn’t sure if she could get past all this. I don’t blame her…it’s a lot to get past.”
“Well what did you say to her when you told her about Y/N?”
“I…admitted that I still had feelings for her.” He sighed and Caitlyn did as well, “But like, I didn’t even know that for sure until she was right in my face. Like I knew I missed her, but just being with her again, it just brought everything that I’d been repressing up to the surface. I regret being honest with Tay, about it all.” He sighed, “She regrets it too apparently. Wishes I never said anything.” He added with defeat.
“Well it is quite a lot to get through. Especially if she knows you still have deep feelings for Y/N. It can be scary thinking that you’ve given your whole heart to someone only to discover that you’re not the only one they love.” She explained “She might feel like a place holder until you and Y/N can get back together.”
“Well she’s not. I love her too.”
“I know, but that just doesn’t work for some people, H. Maybe this is what’s supposed to happen.” Caitlyn said and he sighed.
“I never meant to hurt anyone like this…”
“Well, it’s collateral damage. There’s always going to be someone who gets hurt. S’why I was warning you guys to be careful with this.” She reminded and he hummed.
“Did she end things with Seb for me?” He asked after a beat of silence.
“No. They went to his family’s for the holidays and as it turns out they function under this idea that men’s love language is acts of service, as in, women should wait on us hand and foot while we sit around with our dicks in our hands…” she said with some disdain still feeling salty about the whole thing.
“Get out…” he groaned with secondhand embarrassment for the male species as a whole.
“It was a whole thing…his sister’s and mom were talking shit about her for it after the first night. She knew he was babied by his mom, but not that she was like his fucking PA! Either way, when they got back they talked about it and he basically said that she’d ease into it and learn how to treat him and take a more feminine role in their home as their relationship advanced or some shit like that…and she was like “umm, you should be cleaning up after yourself because it’s actually my home”, and he got all sensitive about that, the fucking free loader…” Caitlyn said.
“God…good for her though. I’m glad she stuck up to him.”
“Yeah, and well, he actually broke up with her…she’s not upset about it or anything. Just more annoyed really as now he’s trying to win her back, but she’s just ignoring him.”
“Good. That’s good to hear. When I heard about the break up I wanted to reach out but I can’t.” He explained.
“Yeah, I’m glad you’re seeing that. Especially with the situation you’re in.”
“Well that, but like I literally cannot. Tay asked me to delete her contact in case I got tempted to reach out again and I did, so I don’t even have her number anymore.” Harry let out a breathy laugh and after a few moments he inhaled and started to cry. Caitlyn frowned and tutted as she heard him breaking down.
“Harry, hey…” she cooed, “What’s the matter?”
“Ugh…nothing. I think I’ve just been holding that in.” He sniffled, “I kind of hate myself for making Taylor go to these lengths…I know she hates doing that kind of stuff too. And Y/N…god, why is she always on my mind. I can’t shake her, Cait. I just can’t…if I could change my heart I would. I know that it’s hurting us more than helping us.” He sniffled.
“If it helps to know, I think she’s made peace with the fact that you’re with the best person for you.” She said and hearing that physically hurt him, it made his chest tighten up and feel hollow at the same time. “I know it hurts her sometimes but she’s genuinely really happy for you, H. She truly is. So give it your all, yeah? Make this right.” Caitlyn said and he sniffled.
“OK. Thanks, Cait.”
“Anytime, H.” She assured him.
“I know you’re best friends and all, but just keep this between us, yeah?”
“Of course.” She assured, “If there’s anything I can do at all just let me know, OK? Or just listen if you need it.”
“Thank you. Bye.”
“Bye.” She said and they hung up.
Harry felt like a full blown asshole. He had hurt the two people he was in love with and now he had to choose. He had hoped that things cleared up on their own, but they were as murky as ever. It shouldn’t be hard to just choose the person he was with, but it was. It felt like he was losing. Well, who was he kidding, he had already lost you.
…. MAY 2024 ….
It was the night of the MET and you had just finished getting your hair and make up done for one of the after party’s. Caitlyn was your +1 to the parties and was more than excited to be tagging along with you for her first ever met. You’d been invited before, when Harry hosted, but you just laid super low. You even left his after party early because you had a work event in LA the next morning. Being the man of the hour you didn’t really see much of him that entire night. You did kiss him goodbye, but he was balls to the walls high on you weren’t even sure what, and that was that. This time, you were invited without any internal connections, but you were sure it was because you were still riding on that viral wave. You weren’t going to go, you didn’t want to keep calling attention to yourself. But your manager and friends insisted that you needed this, just to have a fun night out without cameras. And well, that was true, there were never cameras at these things, just outside.
“You ready?” Caitlyn asked you as you looked over your reflection one more time.
“If they’re where we are, we’re leaving.” You said and Caitlyn nodded in agreement.
You had been strategic and decided to party hop to decrease the likelihood of you running in Harry and Taylor after learning that they were attending together. You were feeling good, you’d successfully made it through two of the three parties you had been invited to and having a blast. Normally, you’d be dying to get home, but you had taken some E as you were leaving the first party in hopes to have endurance for the next two parties. You felt floaty and happy and tingly under its influence. You could quite literally feel the music around you, the hard hits of the bass tickled from the soles of your feet and up your legs. You were surrounded by people, probably in a similar state as you, dancing through their highs with racing hearts.
And through all the dancing and euphoria you were making out with someone. It was in a dark corner and you had no idea who it was. All you knew was that your mouths were moving together eagerly. Suddenly, you were being tugged away, much to your dismay, because it did feel very nice especially while you were under this high.
“Cait…” you huffed as she apologized to the person you were with as she dragged you away.
“I think it’s time to go.” She said against your ear as she chuckled and you mumbled something about not wanting to go yet. “Babe, I just saw Harry and Taylor across the bar. We should go.” She said to you and that made your heart tighten and ache.
Your smile dropped and you glanced around the busy room. When you heard a British accent behind you, you whipped around hoping to see Harry, but it was someone else. Then, you thought you heard his laugh and you turned in another direction, but maybe it was just in your head. You were at the peak of your high, so things were very murky. And as you looked for Harry, that nice feeling was starting to turn ugly. Caitlyn realized what was happening and grabbed your face in her hands and your gaze met hers for a few seconds.
“Hey, they’re all the way across the room. They’re nowhere near here.” She assured and you nodded.
“I need to use the bathroom before we go.” You said and she nodded.
“OK, c’mon.” She said grabbing your hand and guiding you through the crowd and to the bathroom. “Give me your bag, I’ll call your car. I’ll be right over there by the security check.” She pointed and you nodded a few times as you handed over your purse.
You walked into the bathroom and the white lights over the sink were far too bright for your overly dilated pupils. You hurried into a stall and struggled a bit with getting your dress enough out of the way so you could use the bathroom. And as you sat in the stall alone with your thoughts you started to feel cold and trembly. Your ears were ringing in the relative silence of the bathroom and you felt like the stall was starting to get smaller. You sped things up and hurried out to wash your hands, trying your very hardest to ignore your erratic heartbeat and the churning of your stomach. You didn’t even bother with drying your hands, you just smeared them against your dress as you rushed out of the bathroom. You were ready to get out of this situation before it brought on a full blown bad trip.
But you came to a screeching halt when you saw Harry chatting animately with Rita Ora and Taika Waititi just a few feet away from you. They were laughing, heads knocked back in enjoyment. You were frozen for a few seconds as reality caught up to you and you glanced around for Taylor. She wasn’t in your line of sight yet, you’d wait in the bathroom. You took a few unsteady steps back before deciding that was the best course of action. You twirled around and hurried back, your heart was hammering in your chest and your breathing was completely shallow. You felt your body trembling like a dying leaf in the wind and your stomach was twisting as you stumbled back into the bathroom. Much to your misfortunate, you were met with Taylor drying her hands. You sighed shakily, about to turn back around but she glanced over with a lovely smile, but when she realized it was you it dropped entirely from her face in a moment. You turned around to leave again but then remembered Harry was actually right outside.
“You were with him just now, weren’t you?” She asked you with a frown and disappointment drenching her tone.
You suddenly felt sick to your stomach and you whipped back around and rushed past her into a stall and just started to throw up. You felt completely overwhelmed and overstimulated. Feeling as much as you did now was not to your benefit. But you were more than grateful to hear her footsteps receding as you spat out the sour taste from your mouth. You wiped your mouth with some toilet paper and flushed away your mess, trying your best not to get sick again just from seeing the mess that had come out of you. You were alone now and took your time to rinse your mouth and your hands, hoping they’d go before you had to face them again.
***************
HARRY’S POV:
Harry glanced over to the hallway for the bathrooms to see Taylor coming out with an unreadable expression on her face. He was still smiling from the laugh he had just had with Rita and Taika before they headed out.
“You were with Y/N. Weren’t you?” She asked with an accusatory tone and he looked baffled by this accusation.
“Babe, no. I’ve been standing here this whole time-”
“Well then why did she get one look at me and get sick?” She asked with confusion and a frown on her face. Harry’s face scrunched with concern.
“I didn’t.” He said and she looked skeptical, “I swear!” He insisted and she rolled her lips together for a moment.
“I want to leave.” She said decisively and he nodded.
“OK.” He nodded, “I-is Y/N alright though? Does she need any help or-” Taylor walked off towards the exit leaving him mid sentence. He was reluctant as he followed after her and glanced back down the hallway of the bathroom before rushing after Taylor who was practically out the door now. He was making his way towards the exit when he saw Caitlyn standing by the door on her phone. Surely she’d come along with you. Taylor hurried outside and Harry stopped for a moment to greet Caitlyn.
“Cait!” He called her name and she glanced up and her eyes widened and she glanced around quickly before she smiled at him as he came up and hugged her.
“Hey! How are you?” She asked as they pulled away.
“M'alright. Ummm, Y/N had a run in with Tay in the bathroom.” He said and Caitlyn frowned.
“Oh, sorry.” She said glancing over to Taylor who was now looking at them expectantly. She offered a smile and Taylor returned it before quickly glancing down to her shoes.
“She said something about Y/N getting sick. Maybe you should go check on her if she hasn’t texted you.” He said.
“Oh shit, thank you. I actually have her phone with me, we’re waiting for her car.” She explained.
“Then yeah, please check on her.” He said and she nodded.
“Yeah, she’s pretty fucked up too. But ummm, is that why you guys are leaving?” She asked and he nodded.
“Tay thinks I spoke to her…which I didn’t. I didn’t even see her tonight, I swear it.” He said and she nodded.
“I know, Harry. I believe you.” She assured and he sighed.
“Thank you.” He said and she smiled at him with sympathy.
“Alright, now get going.”
“Please, make sure she’s OK.”
“I will.” Caitlyn smiled and they kissed cheeks before he hurried out.
Taylor watched as Caitlyn hurried back inside and then turned into the hallway that led to the bathrooms. She swallowed thickly and hugged her arms around herself when Harry tried to grab her hand when he came up beside her.
“I didn’t speak to her, babe.” He insisted again with frustration. “Did she say something to you?”
“No.” She responded monotonously. “Just call the car, please.” She said and he nodded and did just that, “Five minutes.” He informed her once he hung up and she nodded.
A few moments later Caitlyn was rushing you out of the venue, but even the chatter outside didn’t mask the sharp inhales of you trying to breathe through your crying. You two hurried past him and Taylor and into the car that was now waiting by the curb. She opened up the door for you and helped you get settled in the car. Harry found himself taking a few steps towards you but stopped himself. He wanted to see you, even if it was just for a second. But Caitlyn scooted in behind you and mouthed one final ‘thank you’ before shutting the door so that you could take off.
The car ride back to his hotel was tense and uncomfortably quiet. He genuinely didn’t think that Taylor had any reason to be upset tonight. This was a huge event, lots of people were bound to be there. And still, he hadn’t seen or even spoken to you once in the entire time. He didn’t think it was wrong that he was concerned for you when she told him that you’d gotten sick. He would’ve been concerned for anyone who was in that position, especially at a party like this where he knew there were drugs and alcohol around. He tried not to be upset at her though because he had no idea what was going on in her head that made her upset.
When they got into their hotel room she immediately slipped out of her heels and headed into the bathroom. He heard the door shut and then the shower come on. He made his way over and listened through the wood to see if she was crying, but she wasn’t. At least there was that. Maybe she just needed to cool down from the situation because truly there was nothing that he did wrong. He debated for several minutes whether he should call Caitlyn to check on you or not. And who was he kidding, he needed to check in.
“Hey H.” She answered him right away, “Don’t you worry, she’s alright. She’s just having a shower now.” Is the first thing she said and he smiled a bit.
“Good. Nothing bad happened right? With Tay?”
“No. She said that when she was leaving the bathroom she walked out and saw you waiting in front of the hallway, so she hurried back into bathroom. Y/N didn’t want to stir up any trouble by saying hi or just being near you if Taylor was around. But when she came back into the bathroom, kind of in shock from seeing you right there, Taylor was there and she asked if you’d just been together, that’s all. And well, Y/N said she just felt trapped and got anxious from the fucking molly she took and just got sick. She was just crying because you know how much she hates throwing up. Not because you were with your girlfriend.” She assured him.
“Yeah.” He smiled as he recalled this detail about you, “The throwing up is probably why Taylor thinks we spoke. Just from her reaction to the question, I guess.”
“Maybe so…but in all honesty, we party hopped all night because we were trying to avoid you. And when I saw you guys when I went to the bar I told Y/N we needed to leave.”
“Oh…” he said with some hurt radiating through his chest.
“Yeah…S’just that after we spoke last time I just didn’t want to give her any reasons to doubt you or to think Y/N was meddling or something. Obviously, Y/N doesn’t want to ignore you, but she also doesn’t want to complicate things for you. But…”
“Shit happens.” Harry sighed.
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m glad she’s fine. She’s coming down alright?”
“Yeah, she’s good so far. I’ll take good care of her.” Caitlyn assured him.
“I know you will.” He smiled.
“And are you alright?” She asked him.
“I think so…we haven’t spoken about it yet, so we’ll see. I just- I don’t want you guys to think Taylor’s a bad person for this. She’s not usually like this.” He explained.
“We don’t, H. She’s just navigating this situation the way it comes, you know? She has every right to feel apprehensive.”
“Yeah. Thank you for understanding.” he sighed.
“Of course.” She responded.
“Well thanks for answering, I just want to check in. And I’m sorry if we ruined your evening…” he apologized with a regretful sigh.
“Who are you talking to?” Harry heard from behind him and he glanced back to see Taylor wrapped up in her towel.
“My friend Caitlyn.” He said and she looked skeptical.
“It’s cool, H. Go deal with that.”
“Thanks. Good night.” Harry said before hanging up. He stood and then handed his phone over to her to see the call history. “See.”
“But Y/N is with her.”
“She was in the shower.” He said and she bit her lip, “I didn’t talk to her. I didn’t even see her until they walked out, babe.” He said.
“And why are you apologizing for ruining their evening? Now we have to walk on egg shells to protect her feelings?” She asked him and he sighed.
“No, I’m apologizing for that because they had been party hopping all night precisely to avoid running into us and causing you to think something was up.” He said signaling between them and she frowned.
“Is that how you’re telling it to people? That I’m just angry about your ex?” She asked him.
“No! I mentioned to Caitlyn the thing that you told me before about the song and the paps. I just needed to be sure that Y/N wasn’t trying to get a reaction of me or you. I know she’s not like that, but when people are upset they can sometimes do things that are out of character.” He said looking to her, hoping she’d catch his drift. She scoffed out a laugh and headed back into the bedroom. “Babe…” he sighed as he sat on the bed as she dug her pajamas out in silence. “Did you confront her about being with me tonight?” He asked her.
“I’m not going to feel bad for that, Harry. I wasn’t rude about it, I just asked.”
“I’m sure you weren’t but-”
“She was probably going to though-”
“For fucks sake! She was running back into the bathroom to avoid having to run into me!” He shouted, “She saw me and decided to wait in there until I was gone. She’s the one walking on fucking egg shells as if she’s the one driving the wedge deeper and deeper into our relationship!”
“So you’re saying this is my fault?” She asked him with a confused frown and he sighed.
“Tonight, yes.” He said. “I have…done what I can. Everything you’ve asked to try and make this work, to make it better. To have you believe me-”
“Harry, she’s still in love with you!” She shouted in exasperation.
“And what?! She’s happy for me! She’s happy for us! She didn’t delete my number and hasn’t reached out at all! Look at the fucking lengths she tried to go through tonight just to ensure that we weren’t uncomfortable! For fucks sake, just let it go! Please!” He was panting from how frustrated he was. He swore that smoke was blowing out of his ears as all of his pent up frustration reached its boiling point. He felt that he had been as understanding and as patient as possible, but it had been months of the same thing. She bit down on the inside of her cheek for a few moments. “I’m sorry for shouting at-”
“I think we both know that this has been over.” She said softly and his chest tightened. “I don’t like myself anymore.” She said with a frown, “I hate feeling insecure in us or just like I’m second best.” She sniffled. “I know you’ve never said that to me but just the fact that your heart’s in two different places makes me feel that way. Believe me, I have been trying to not let it bother me or just to understand how this can work for you, but I can’t.” She explained.
“I’m so sorry.” He apologized and she shrugged. “I never meant to make you feel that way. I just…I wanted to be honest with you, I felt bad for keeping that from you-”
“I know. I think you did the right thing in telling me but…I just, I can’t make peace with that.”
“I get it. I do love you, though. You have to know that.”
“Yeah. But not like you love her.” She said and he sighed, “Babe, if you loved me like you love her then keeping your distance wouldn’t feel like a sacrifice to you. And clearly that’s how you see it. Even now, instead of checking on me you called your friend to check on her? I mean…” she let out a sardonic laugh.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to check on you, I just figured you wanted some space.” He explained.
“So you check on me and ask if I need space, H.” She argued and he swallowed thickly and nodded.
“You’re right.” He said.
“H, I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t even recognize myself.” She said with a frown, “Like I…I feel like I’m losing myself in trying to keep you and I’m not okay with that. I’m sorry.” She sniffled and he nodded.
“Don’t be sorry. I get it. It’s my fault.” He said with a sad smile.
“Yeah.” She whispered and bit down on her lip. "No hard feelings?" she asked and he shook his head.
"Of course not." he smiled.
If you enjoyed this feel free to check out some of my other fics...
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Goodnight and Sweet dreams. Xoxo
One hand was wrapped around yours as you guided him while the other remained glued to your waist.
Once you finally reached your room, you locked the door and turned around to see Harry with smoke radiating off of him.
“Why didn’t you tell me that he was bothering you?” He paced around you in circles like an angry puppy.
“He was just talking and what’s up with you getting so worked out!”
“Worked out? Poppet he’s annoying you and you rejected him many times.” He was whisper shouting and definitely taking things personally.
“Your whole attitude is concerning Harry, what have you been trying to hint at?” You approached him slowly as his demeanor slowly shifted.
“Why’d you get so jealous hmm?” Your faces were inches apart now and his eyes were set on your lips.
The room was suddenly too quiet with nothing to be heard but the rushed thumping of your hearts and the muffled music outside.
“He thought he had a shot with what’s mine.” He whispered in your ear leaving a tender kiss near your earlobe.
“Yours huh? Didn’t we break up a year ago?” Your breath hitched as his ring clad hand found its way to your thigh.
“And? You never stopped being mine and i never stopped being yours poppet.” His forehead laid against yours as you listened to each other’s shallow breaths.
“Harry…” You whispered as you swallowed down your throat.
“Yes babylove.”
#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles smut#harry smut#harry styles oneshot#harry styles imagine#harry styles story#harry styles blurb#harry x reader#harry fanfic#sneak peek#ex!harry
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Out on the Town (ex!Harry Styles x reader)
I was listening to Out on the Town by fun. and this came into my head. Its not exactly like the song because it spiralled as many stories do. I wasn't sure who it was with but I wrote Harry in for now. May change my mind later. I wrote this instead of going to sleep so if it's bad I'm sorry.
Warnings: mentions of cheating, angst, alcohol, swearing.
Words: <1000
Not proofread....
***
“What the fuck are you doing?” Harry’s voice whispered into the night. He sounded mad. Why shouldn't he be though? It was 3.40 am and you were throwing stones at his bedroom window. No normal person would be ok with that.
Harry took the small stones from your hand and threw them onto the driveway. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you.” you slurred your words, and bent down to pick up more stones. The night out with the girls hadn’t ended how you'd thought it would. Your best friend had gone home with a guy and you'd had an argument with your other 2 friends, you couldn't even remember what it was about. You just knew that you needed to see Harry.
He grabbed your wrist before you could throw more stones at his window. His face was stern now. “No, you need to go.”
“I needed to see you.”
“Y/N, I haven't seen you in 6 months.”
“I was out with the girls tonight.”
“You need to go home.” He walked back into the house and you heard the quiet rustling of keys.
“Why do you keep trying to get rid of me? I just want to talk.” You shouted after him.
“You can't just show up at my house and throw stones at my window. That is how you break shit. Come on, I'm taking you home.” He held tightly onto your wrist and pulled you towards his car.
“I don't want to go home.” You protested. He just yanked your arm again.
“Babe what's going on?”
Harry placed his hand on the top of the car to compose himself.
You realised the real reason for him to pull you away so fast.
“Babe?” a woman poked her head out of the front door, stood in the cold night sir in her pyjamas, she shivered slightly.
“That's why I got to go home right? Wow!!” you rolled your eyes, raising your voice again.
Harry pushed you behind him, out of view. “Its just an old friend, she's had a bit too much to drink and got confused, I think.” He face changed from the angry one to a soft smiling one when he looked at her.
“Does she need to stay the night?”
“Oh you’d love that wouldn’t you?” Harry grabbed your waist and held you in place, he opened the car door and pushed you into the seat.
His face pleaded with you to sit still. “I'm just going to take her home. It'll be easier than calling her boyfriend.” He whispered back to the house.
Your last boyfriend broke up with you over a year ago but Harry knew that. It was a quick lie to get his girlfriend to not worry about him. It worked.
“Go to bed babe, I’ll be home at soon as I can.” He gave her a quick kiss and then shut the door behind him as he slumped towards the car.
It wasn't until most of the way home that you decided to resume some form of conversation.
“What's her name?”
“You know her name. It's Laura.”
“She looks like a whore.”
You knew it was mean. Why would it matter if she did? She looked kind either way. The thought made tears come to your eyes.
The car pulled alongside your house, the light on the landing shining through the upstairs window.
“I need you to not come to my house again.” Harry sighed.
“What?”
He continued to stare out of the windshield. “Look, I don't want to have this conversation now, but honestly I don't want to call you in the morning so please listen really hard. Do not come to my house, do not call me, do not text me, do not email me.”
“Harry-“
“No. I can't do this anymore.”
“I miss you.”
“Yeah, I miss you too.”
“You were my best friend. Before everything else. Before we went out, before...”
“Before you slept with Darren?” he looked at you with no emotion in his eyes and it scared you.
For once you couldn’t speak. Your alcohol fuelled brain had lost all semblance of sentence structure and word meaning. You knew you'd done wrong before and you weren't sure why you had thought it was a good idea to go to Harry’s house tonight but you didn’t think it’d go like this.
“I can't keep going over it with you. I loved you my whole life. But You ruined 15 years of friendship. I waited so many years for you to love me back, you said you did, and you fucked it all up.”
Your voice escaped your throat, terribly small “I always loved you.”
“No.”he shook his head vigorously, “You don’t get to do that. Not now. You don’t just get to swing by when your feeling sad and ruin my life again. I'm happy. Laura makes me happy.”
“Happier than I do?”
“You don't need me. You never needed me.”
The silence in the car hung in the air like smoke and it made it almost impossible to breathe.
“Get out my car.”
“Harry...”
“Get out.”
You stumbled out of the car door, slamming it harshly and watched him pull further back into the street. He stared at you until you rifled through your handbag for your house keys, clumsily finding the lock on the door, and he waited until your shut the door behind you to drive off.
What had you done?
***
I don't know why I'm so into writing angst atm but I do love writing an argument. Any feedback is very welcome
#harry styles#angst#cheating#arguement#alcohol#drunk#ex!harry#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfiction
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beating the 'sirius is a twink' allegations
new watermark because im insecure
#art#digital art#fanart#cspaint#csp ex#digital artist#sirius black#wolfstar#the marauders#dead gay wizards#marauders#marauders era#harry potter#marauders fandom#wolfstar fanart#remus lupin#padfoot#moony#andrew garfield remus fancast HATER.#sirius black is NOT a fucking twink
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Bad Idea, Right?
Obviously inspired by Miss Olivia Rodrigo’s song, here is a one shot I loved writing :) a bit of angst, a bit of a fluff, a lot of smut, a little bit of everything!
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WC- 6.2k
Warnings- toxic relationship, kinda asshole h, angst, crying, slight degradation, spitting, impact play (light), sex tape filming, daddy kink (light), use of Mama 🤭
—-
Y/N knew this was a very bad idea. She knew she was going to regret this in the morning, as she usually did when Harry texted her to show up somewhere, but here she was.
Her best black dress in the most soft fabric, the one he had complimented her on endlessly before peeling it off when they had still been together, was glued to her body, Hair curled and falling down her shoulders. If she was going to show up at a houseparty that her ex boyfriend was throwing, she may as well go all out and wear something that she knew he liked.
Internally, she tried to talk herself out of it as she approached the open door, ignoring the people making out on his lawn. The thump of the bass was audible outside, a deep sigh being let out as she tossed her phone in her clutch after texting him a simple ‘here.’ The shot she had taken before had done next to nothing to calm her nerves, her red lipstick meticulously touched up in the back of the uber as she squirmed in the seat surely getting fucked up as she bit down on her bottom lip, venturing into the home that used to be so familiar to her.
It had been 5 months since they’d broken up, but it had barely seemed like it. Harry had a way of getting into her head and driving her absolutely fucking mad. Their back and forth seemed neverending, their text threads updating every few days. A fight, a makeup, a request to see one another. As much as she wanted to claim it was all him, she knew she was equally as bad. It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to find someone else- but no one else could get her off like him.
Harry knew her body better than anyone else, every curve and mark, where to touch and stroke. Where to stroke, where to lick, where to bite. He was an expert on how to get her off in just minutes, her cunt completely dedicated to him as much as she wished it wasn’t. Her brain and pussy had no communication in the information regarding the fact they were broken up, much to her dismay. The only thing saving her ego was that she knew that she had the same effect on Harry. There was no way she didn’t. Harry could very well fuck anyone he wanted to, more than capable to pull. Y/N had been overly jealous as a girlfriend and she knew that, but people were drawn to her boyfriend despite the fact it was well known he was taken. While he didn’t seem to take them up on it- he ate up the attention and preened over it, much to her irritation. It caused fights upon fights, her going out of her way to make him jealous- which worked. They both seemed to get off on pissing each other off.
Breaking up was supposed to stop the cycle, but it seemed to only string it out further.
There had been so many times she deleted his number but when he pulled up on her notifications again, she recognized the number and his attitude and couldn’t resist temptation. No one had ever made Y/N feel so many emotions in her life. Being around Harry was like a live wire, electric and hot, dangerous and potentially harmful, but the benefits sometimes outweighed the risks.
Her nose crinkled as she felt the floor stick under her shoe, knowing he would be pissed about that tomorrow. Whatever spiked punch was all over the floor and that would take some elbow grease to get out. Navigating through the entryway, she made her way into the living room. It was dark, flimsy lighting had been put up to make colorful strobes go around the room, the room far too filled for comfort. It was stupidly warm, regret crawling up her neck as she looked around to find anyone familiar.
“There she is!” The voice was unmistakable. Niall, arms tugging her in for a hug and pulling her into the kitchen where it was a bit quieter, the main group she was familiar with strung about along with a few strangers. “Harry’s girl is here, everyone! Y/N herself.” He chirped, making her give him a confused look until she followed his gaze to see Harry standing stiffly, a girl too close for comfort. Her eyes narrowed, taking in how the girl angled her body, hand resting on Harry’s arm, looking at her with a scowl.
It was an ugly feeling to see someone else around her man. Well- he wasn’t her man, but it was another miscommunication between her heart and brain. She hated seeing him around someone else, the mere idea of him being with someone that wasn’t her made her stomach turn. It wasn’t right. Yes, she knew it was a toxic cycle but it was one she didn’t know how to break. She knew this was bad, but she didn’t want anyone else having him the way she did.
The only saving grace was the fact that Harry looked uncomfortable, immediately peeling himself away from the other girl and coming straight over to Y/N.. Her face must have shown her irritation, mouth opening and arm resting on her hip as she went to give him a bit of hell but was cut off by his mouth.
And Y/N’s body, she was a fucking traitor. Feeling his arms wrap around her and push her against the counter, his tongue pressing into her mouth and tasting the cinnamon from the alcohol and sticky remnants of Coca Cola on his lips made her brain go numb. She always did love how strong he was, how safe she used to feel wrapped up in his arms. There were a few wolf whistles surrounding them, but Y/N had been taken aback from the heat of it so early on, hand slipping between her and the counter to grab at her ass. A surprised moan left her mouth before Niall let out a laugh.
“Alright, alright. Stop eating her, Harry.” Niall smacked his back, making Harry pull back with a hazy smirk. Almost dopy, making her blink up at him with her eyes narrowing again. His eyes were dark, lips wet now and that dark pink she liked so, so much. He hadn’t shaved today, leaving a bit of stubble around his face, a backwards hat combing his hair back to keep it out of his face. The nose piercing was swapped from a stud to a hoop, making her a bit surprised. Had he done that for her? He knew she liked it….
“You can take your hand off my ass now.” Her sassy tone didn’t match how her eyes looked, secretly loving that he had so publicly claimed her in front of a girl they both knew wanted him. It was a sick feeling, the victory even though she knew it was wrong to feel that way. It was a constant fight with herself. Knowing she should most definitely not be feeling so happy that her ex had just kissed her dumb in front of all his friends, but still liking that she had a claim on him.
“I could.” He retorted. “But it feels so nice in my palm, and we both know how much you like it.” A squeeze was given, Y/N scowling back up at him but not making any attempt to move. If she wanted to, he would get out of the way- but they both knew how this went. She pretended she didn’t liked his hands on her, he taunted her, they would glare and play fight before it got a little real, and they’d fuck. A circle they’d swung around plenty of times. His lips lowered to her ear, ignoring the chatter around them. “You’re wearing my dress, hm?”
“Yours? M’sorry, did you want to wear it?” She rose her eyebrow that she definitely hadn’t laid to perfection before she came here. “I forgot you even liked this one. It was the first thing I could reach in my closet.” Her nose was turned up, this time pushing past him to go over to the drinks. She looked down to see a cup with his name scribbled on it with a sharpie, lifting it up for confirmation before throwing it back.
Regretted immediately.
“Ugh- Harry, what the fuck?” She gagged, nose wrinkled as she opened his fridge to grab a bottle of water. “I forgot how disgusting your drinks are. God, how do you even have a stomach?” She gave him a horrified look, swishing the water in her mouth.’
“No one told you to fuckin’ take mine!” He grumbled, taking the cup to find it empty. “Fucks sake, Y/N. Taking my drink and then bitching about it. As usual.” He came up behind her to grab the bottle over the fridge, his ‘good stuff’ or whatever. It was already that time of night?
Where they started poking at each other to cause a fight. To have an excuse to wander off and to strip down to nothing.
“Excuse me?” Y/N grit her teeth, turning to look at him as he poured into his recently emptied cup. He was trying to get a rise out of her.
“You heard me, princess. Know those ears work, considering you’re an eavesdropper.”
Oh, he was going low. She crinkled the water bottle in her hands, shoulders tending as she exhaled sharply through her nose. “Well I wouldn’t have had to if you didn’t get so fucking weird with your phone. You were the one hiding a ‘project partner’ from me.” Her fingers did air quotes around that, showing that she didn’t believe his excuse.
“Oh, for fucks sake.” Harry hissed, his own jaw setting. “I told you that she was just a partner for my paper. I didn’t tell you at first because I know you’d overreact and go all insane on me for daring to interact with another woman.” He snarled back, knowing where to hit where it hurt.
“I wouldn’t have had to be paranoid if you’d respected me to stop flirting and entertaining girls who disrespected our relationship by hitting on you in front of me! You literally encouraged it!” She was trying to keep her voice down, but it was hard. This was an especially sore spot.
“So replying with a thank you is encouraging it? Sue me for liking that someone complimented me on something!” He raised an arm up, running fingers through his hair in frustration before he turned away to lean on the counter with his arms crossed, cup in hand. “God, you do this every fucking time. We aren’t fucking together anymore, that’s your fault. Why do you continue to harrass me about this? Even if I did encourage it, I never went for it did I?” A cruel smirk emerged. “Though I’m a free agent now, yeah? Could go take Josslyn or Heather up on their offers?
Harry knew he had taken it a bit too far when her breathing caught for real, watching as he froze and her bottom lip trembled. That wasn’t a part of their regular script to wind each other up before hot sex. It was a bit of the real hurt that has blossomed through, but he hadn’t meant to let it out. Her eyes turned glassy, her hand snatching his drink and throwing it at his shirt.
“Fuck you.”
Harry felt the cold liquid hit him, hissing as he stood in slight shock as he watched her turn to leave. He had really fucked up. His stomach dropped as he tried to gather his bearings, cursing under his breath before going after her.
“Y/N! Fuck, don’t go.” He yelled after her, making his way through the throngs of people in his living room, eyes watching her back go towards the door. While he had definitely said fucked up things before, this had been designed to hit where it really hurt.
Y/N stomped through the living room, ignoring his calls for her as she got closer to the door- closer to escape- when she was caught. Arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her into the bathroom next to the stairs and turning so he was against the door. Y/N kept her back towards him but yanked herself free from his grip, irritated that she was crying. That it still hurts. He knew it would and that’s partially what made it worse. He had been out to hurt her and she had known it was a bad idea to show up tonight but somewhere in her heart she had this tiny, tiny hidden hope that maybe tonight would be a night they could finally get over their differences. She missed him so much it ached if she allowed herself to feel it, but she had tried to refuse her feelings.
It had boiled over now, though.
Harry swallowed thickly as he heard the sniffle. Y/N wasn’t one to cry about a lot. She hadn’t shed a lot of tears in the time they’d been together, emotionally iron clad as it seemed. When she did? It was unnerving. Heartbreaking. It was one of his least favorite things ever, seeing her crumble. While he may have enjoyed getting her angry and irritated, maybe a little jealous, he never liked hurting her. He gained no pleasure from that.
“Baby…” He spoke softly, trying to turn her around, hands pulling at her shoulders. He was bigger than her and could definitely turn her around if he wanted to, but he wouldn’t ever touch her in a way she didn’t want.
“No. You can’t- you can’t call me that anymore. I am not your baby.” She hissed, keeping herself turned from him. Harry winced. She hadn’t said that before, not seriously, but the venom in her voice had shown how upset she was. It was laced with the hoarse blanket that coated her voice when she cried, making it even worse. “You can go call Josslyn or Heather. I’m sure they’d love to be your b-baby.” The end of the sentence was joined with a little sob, effectively breaking his heart further.
“No. No, I’m not… I didn’t mean it, Y/N. I promise. I was just upset and I didn’t mean for it to come out, I just wanted you to feel-”
“What?” Whipping around, Y/N’s mascara streaked cheeks were a blow to the chest. Her vulnerability was something he used to crave, to be the one she confided in or let herself break with. He wanted to be there for her. Not be the cause of her tears. “You wanted me to feel hurt, like you did? Do you not think I don’t hurt every fucking day?”
“You broke up with me!” Harry tried, her glare making him stop talking quickly after.
“I broke up with you because you didn’t take me seriously. How could you go from telling me you can’t wait to put a ring on my finger, can’t wait to have a family with me, to flirting with girls the same night? Do you know how humiliating it is to have your friends tell you that they heard so and so say they were going to try something because it ‘obviously isn’t serious with Y/N?” The incredulous look on her face made him shrink back a bit.
“I didn’t know that! It was never real flirting, Y/N. I liked to get my ego stroked, the attention felt nice, but I would never, ever step out on you. I love you, for fucks sake!” He went to reach for her but she backed up, flinching slightly. Another dagger to the chest. He had really, really fucked up. She never denied his touch.
“You love me?” A humorless laugh escaped her swollen lips. “Is that how you love people, Harry? Make them feel disposable and humiliated because you can’t be happy with one girl telling you that she loves you back? My compliments weren’t enough?” Arms crossed defensively over her chest. “Give me a fucking break. Telling me that as if you didn’t just say moments ago that you should take up girls who actively disrespected our relationship on their offers to fuck you while you were dating me? Yeah, that’s definitely something someone who loved me would do.” She wanted to stay angry but she was hurt. Hurt so bad, the full weight of their breakup actually hitting her as she felt the sob crawl up her throat and hurried to cover her eyes as she began to cry. It couldn’t be held back. She was at her breaking point.
Harry wanted to throw up. He hadn’t thought of it that way, and honestly? He had never expected this. Sometimes Y/N had acted as if she didn’t have a lot of emotion, reserved and a bit quiet when she expressed herself. The one time he had gotten her to let go was during sex, where he truly felt her desire. That was maybe why he liked the attention from other people. She wasn’t very forthcoming with praise or overly lovey with him, and it had hurt a little. But he could deal with that later, because his poor fucking girl was sobbing in front of him.
“No, no… sweet girl. Please.” He watched as she dropped down to sit on the floor, gathering her knees to her chest as he followed after her. “Hey- M’so sorry. I didn’t think about it like that. I really didn’t. I was just talking out of my ass because I was hurt we’re still broken up a-and I shouldn’t have said anything but….” He sat down fully next to her, pulling her body on to his lap. She tried to squirm at first but he could tell it was half hearted as she settled down a moment later, the sobs wracking her body as his arms wrapped around her and his lips went to her ear.
“M’so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t ever want to make you feel that way. You’ve always been so important to me and this is breaking my heart.” He whispered. “Hate that you’re crying because of me. I hate that I ever made you doubt that you were important to me, or that I respect you. I do. I promise you, I do.” He whimpered slightly, desperate to get her to believe him. “I’m an ass, I know. But you have to know I do, I love you so much. I’m so fucking sorry for throwing that in your face.”
In the grand scheme of things, he knew that some people would think she was overreacting- but he understood now. He hadn’t truly meant to take it that far, hadn’t even stopped to think that those exact women had been sources of insecurity. They were the first to pop into his head because he had rejected them again tonight, waiting for Y/N to arrive.
He never wanted to be broken up with. He had planned on being with her forever, and he had fucked it up.
Her cries started to fade, sniffles taking the place of sobs as he whispered soft words, consoling her. He knew he’d fucked up tonight, in their relationship. He hadn’t communicated the way he needed to and he played games, but he thought that it would get a different reaction. His intentions weren’t to hurt her. Selfishly, stupidly, he assumed it hadn’t phased her. That she was just angry and not upset.
If she’d give him another chance he’d fix it. He’d make sure to open her up a little more, make her feel more safe. Reign in his flirting, make sure he was just polite instead. He’d never put their relationship in jeopardy again. “C’mon. Come with me, to my room.” Standing up, he pulled her along with her. It said a lot about her right now that she wasn’t fighting, letting him lead her to his room with her hand tucked in his own. Her face was downcast, making sure no one could see that she’d cried as Harry took the key from his pocket and undid the lock. He really didn’t want strangers in his room.
It was still the same. His navy bedspread and Nirvana posters on the side of his wall, his desk slightly messy with a leftover fast food cup sitting next to his water bottle on his night stand. He’s gotten it for her, because she got thirsty in the middle of the night.
What really got her attention was the framed photo of them that was right next to it. Her soft smile and his wide one, teeth out as he held her in his lap. His flannel was around her and his hat was backwards as he snuggled her. It had been cool that night but there was a bonfire, not enough seats and a handsy Harry ready to make his lap her throne. Her throat tightened as she looked at the photo, dropping his hand and wrapping her arms around her body to self soothe before she walked up to it.
“Why do you still have this up?” Her voice was shaky still, looking down at the happy memory.
“Because I still love you. I told you.” Hands were placed on her hips as she was brought into him, hugging her from behind as he unwrapped her arms and threaded their fingers together. “I know I’ve been shit. I’ve been… impatient, an attention whore, all of the insults you’ve said. But I love you. I have since day one. I’d have never cheated on you, regardless of what you may believe.” The idea of it made him feel ill.
“Then why?” Her wavering voice made him frown. “Why did you keep flirting with people in my face? I know you said it was cause I wasn’t giving you enough compliments but I didn’t know you thought that.” His heart nearly snapped in two when her voice broke. “I thought the world of you. I was so proud to be with you and then… I thought you just didn’t like me anymore. I know…” A deep inhale was felt as her tummy lifted both of their arms. “I know I can be a little cold or quiet, but I had no idea you felt neglected. I pulled back because you kept talking to other girls how you used to talk to me and… I didn’t feel like it was okay to.”
It made him feel worse. Hearing this now. Y/N had broken up with him and he’d been hurt, his pride making him sneer at her and the nastiness was even more uncalled for now that he knew. Y/N wasn’t a bitch, she wasn’t unfeeling- she didn’t feel safe. He’d done that to her because he was the little bitch here, not giving her the safety she needed in order to open up. While they should’ve been continuing growing, he got his feelings hurt and made it impossible for her to feel like she could give those things to him.
“I’m sorry.” His voice was weak. “I’m sorry. I’ll keep saying it. I didn’t mean it. I promise, nothing I've said is true. I wanted to wind you up, I wanted to fuck you because it was the only way you’d get close to me again. I never intended on making you feel unsafe with me, fuck. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. Makes me feel sick to hear that.” He nuzzled against her neck, placing a kiss there before pulling away, unwrapping them and sitting on the edge of his bed. Y/N wasn’t fighting him, so he gently tugged her to sit on his lap, this time facing him. “There she is.” A sad smile lifted his lips, thumb wiping away the streaks of mascara that had flaked off with her tears. “Still so pretty when you cry, even if it breaks m’heart.”
It was worse than a kicked puppy. Y/N wasn’t a huge emoter so knowing that he’d done this had made him wonder what she did alone. How many other times he’d made her cry but she wasn’t solid enough around him to do it in front of him.
“You broke mine.” She whispered, looking down at his shirt. “I don’t mean to be a bitch. I was just scared.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Let me fix it. Please?” Holding her face in his hands, he got her eyes back on his. “Let me make it better. I won’t do any of that ever again, I’ll communicate better… Just let me make your heart feel safe again.”
Y/N knew she was a sucker for this. She shouldn’t say yes. Every part of her except her brain was screaming to stay, though. While her head was telling her to run away as fast as she could, her heart thudded in her chest and her body wanted closer to his own. It was a decision she may come to regret, maybe she’d hate herself for it, but she couldn’t let go. “O-Okay.” She whispered, feeling his head fall against hers. “Please don’t break my heart again, H. I can’t do that again.”
“I’d rather die.”
His lips were pressed against hers, and moved quickly from there.
One of the things that never lacked with them as a couple was sexual chemsitry. It’s what had them so obsessed with each other at first. The best way to get Y/N to express herself was when she was full of cock or close to the edge of orgasm, which was why Harry had no problem saying his apologies between her legs.
“M’sorry, baby.” He crooned, licking over her drippy slit. “So, so sorry. M’gonna take care of you.” Lips pressed kisses to her clit, a keening whine leaving her lips as fingers clutched his hair and brought him closer to her. His mouth had always been his greatest gift and biggest curse. Somehow he knew all the right things to say, all the right things to do to pleasure her but always stuck his goddamn foot in his mouth. He was going to change that now.
Dark green gazed into hers as he took another broad lick, the tip of his nose brushing over her clit. Large hands with chipped polish wrapped around her thighs and kept them spread, his hair a mess from her hands carding through it with their hot makeout and now his time spent working on her pussy. This was undoubtable a perk of being with the man, knowing how much he genuinely loved to eat pussy. He’d spend hours licking and sucking on her, making her sensitive and cum over and over again whenever he had the chance. For his birthday he’d genuinely wanted a day inside with her where he spent the majority of his morning eating her for breakfast, her thighs his perfect earmuffs from the snow that happened to fall on the day.
Whenever they spent time apart he missed this desperately. He’d not even tried to find someone to replace this because he knew the feeling wouldn’t ever be the same. Sure, he’d loved eating pussy before Y/N but it had turned into a full on obsession with her. No one had ever tasted as good, made as many cute noises, squealed when his mouth latched on her clit and his finger curled just right- like he was doing now, holding her bucking hips down.
“Oh, I know, Mama, I know.” He cooed against her. “Feels so fucking good, doesn’t it? Needed my mouth on this greedy fucking pussy…” Pursing his lips, he spit over her slit and watched it drip with a hiss before usng his tongue to spread it, digits dripping down to his wrist before his tongue trilled over the swollen bud. It didn’t take much to push her over, but a well timed smack against her thigh to get her to stop squirming had done the job. A wet gasp tore from her mouth as she squeale his name, simultaneously pulling his mouth against her and trying to push him away. Using his strength against her, he made sure to lick up a bit before spitting again, leaving her pussy wet and messy as he climbed up her body and kissed her hard.
His chin was wet and she knew he was a fucking mess but her tongue delved into his mouth, tasting herself on him. She could hear the tug down of his zipper, felt him moving and wiggling his pants down but she was too busy sucking on his tongue and reveling in his moans against her to think twice before she felt the tip of his cock smack against her cunt.
“I’m clean, baby. No one but you, never need anyone but you.” His grip on her chin was tight as he rutted himself against her cunt. “Even when you were being a miserable bitch t’me, all I wanted to do was love on you. M’gonna make sure you never fucking doubt how much you own me again. This is the only cunt I need.”
There was sick satisfaction that rolled through him as he slid into her and felt the stretch, watching her mouth fall open as she was filled. It only confirmed what he had hoped- she hadn’t been fucking around much, if at all. Granted, he was thick and long and it would be hard to beat him, but he knew what she felt like when she was well fucked. “Oh, look at that…” He whispered, angling her head down to look at where her pussy lips clung to his cock as he pulled out a bit. “She missed me, didn’t she, baby? Sweet pussy missed my cock so fucking much, doesn’t want me to pull away.”
Harry was by far the filthiest man she’d ever experienced but that’s part of the appeal. He may be a bit of an asshole, but god, he knew how to fuck. How to kiss. How to make her feel special when he wasn’t being a dickhead. Moments like this always wiped that shit clean, the slate cleared and her head foggy as all she could focus on was how right he was. “Yeah- yeah, don’t take it from me again.” She growled, digging her nails into his skin. “Don’t fucking take my cock from me again, don’t make me walk away. This is mine.”
Harry hissed, loving the sting on his skin and how she spoke. Y/N could be a fierce little bitch and he loved that about her. She hadn’t been pleased tonight and he’d taken it too far, but she was going to have no doubt how much he had been missing her. Their hate sex had been good, but their makeup sex was even better. “Never, Mama. Never, it’s all yours. You’re right.” His voice soothed, pushing back into her and reveling in how hot she was. Tight. Everything he could possibly need. “It’s yours always, and I don’t want anyone else. Jus’ want you to let me love on you, make you feel good. Be my girl again. He had everything else he wanted, but Y/N was the missing link. He’d fucked up with her, but he wouldn’t do it again. Not when this was how explosive it was between them.
“You better fucking treat me right.” Her hand held his face now. “Better be so nice to me, buy me f-flowers and hold my hand… Fuck me good, make sure all the other b-bitches know that you’re taken.” Her legs wound around him and he felt a heel surely to bruise his ass, but he didn’t care. “Don’t let them think you’re available because you’re an attention whore.”
Harry moaned at the degrading words, because they were true. He was indeed an attention whore and he’d never deny it. “Only for you, baby. Want all your fucking attention… fuck.” He hissed, thrusting slower as he looked at where they joined. “Creaming on my cock already, really must have missed me.” Noses brushed before he fucked harder into her, trying to bring her to the edge. “Fingers didn’t cut it, did they? No toy can make you feel as good as his. Know that you needed Daddy t’fuck you right.”
Y/N let out a wail as he tugged her hips up, his face leaving hers to sit on his knees while he fucked her. He was getting the spot she needed, saying the words she wanted and she felt hot all over. Syrupy, sticky hot as she dripped down her ass as the sound of their sex filled his room. The music muffled behind the door didn’t matter, all she wanted to hear was his dirty talk and the sound of their skin. “Yes, I needed it Daddy- Fuck me, fuck me right. You always make me cum over and over…” her head rolled back on the mattress as her fingers found his wrists, grounding herself as he fucked her steady and hard.
His eyes took in the view of bouncing tits and a messy cock pistoning in and out of her creamy cunt, breathing heavy while he felt her tighten up on him. His goal was always to make sure she came over and over, a generous lover being one of his positive attributes. “Mhm… It’s never changed, Mama. M’gonna give it to you just like that. God, you look so fucking pretty on my dick, baby. Need to capture it.” He adjusted slightly as he took his phone out, thankful his pants had only been down a few inches as he pressed record. A breathy laugh left him as he fucked into her willing body, aiming the camera down at her face. “Say hi to the camera, pretty girl.” He crooned.
“H-Hi Daddy.” She mewled, preening under the attention. It was a guilty pleasure of hers, knowing he had the filthy images and videos on his phone. It was even better to watch it back and see just how wrecked she got from him. “You’re gonna be nice to me so you- so you don’t have to delete these, right?” He’d had to delete all the videos when they broke up, but she hoped this time they’d get to stick around forever.
“Of course, my sweet girl. Never gonna fuck this up again… Not when we look so fucking good together. Feel so fucking good together…. Fuck, look at that…” He got a close up of her cunt as it stretched to fit him, clinging to his length. “You’re gonna cum, I can feel it.” His eyes met hers as he started to get her to the edge, her face glistening and eyes hazy. “Go on, baby. Do it. Cum on my cock, make a fucking mess.”
Harry could feel it as she did, the high pitched whine of his name and the bite of her nails as she writhed on his cock, the camera capturing her face as she did so. Mouth open and eyes rolled back, the blissed out smile following as he fucked her through it. He didn’t stop, tossing the phone to the side as he kissed her again as his cock pulsed, trying to hold back his own orgasm. “Mmm… fuck. I love when you cum on me. So gorgeous, all mine.” He rubbed their noses together again while humping into her, her impossibly hot cunt clinging to him as he peppered kisses to her face. “But I’m not done with you yet.”
“No?” She grinned, feeling drunk. “Should have known, you sex maniac- fuck.” She pushed his hand away from her cunt. “Give a girl a minute, fucks sake.”
“Just got you back, can you blame me?” He smiled against her mouth, sucking her lower lip into his mouth and grazing it with his teeth. He wanted her to look freshly fucked and glowing tomorrow when she had to meet up with her friends for brunch, sure to piss them off with the news that they’re back together. “Mean it, I’m not letting you go this time. Never again.” His smirk got bigger. “Pussy’s too fucking good.”
“Shut up, slut.” She pushed his face away playfully. You’ve got more than one orgasm to go until I think about taking you back. Prove your worth to me.” His cock could be felt twitching inside her yet again.
“Whatever you say, Mama.” He cooed, pulling out of her regretfully. “Now, get on your knees. I’ve got to say sorry to your pretty ass.”
#jarofstyles#harry styles one shot#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles smut#harry writing#harry styles imagine#harry drabble#harry styles blurb#harry styles writing#exes to lovers#harry styles au#frat boy harry#frat harry styles#harry styles fanfics#harry styles one shots#harry styles fic#harry smut#harry fluff#harry angst#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#harry styles oneshots
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pairing: (ex)Harry Styles x Ginger Spice's daughter!reader x Max Verstappen
fc: Sabrina Carpenter
summary: They broke up and she decided to disappear and write a heartbreaking song. Through this process her old friends from F1 were with her. With one two-time World Champion getting closer and closer.
warnings: swearing, cheating, Harry is an asshole in this (sorry!)
a/n: Long? Oh yes. It's a long one. But also my first F1 related fic, hope you enjoy!
masterlist
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f1 and redbullracing
liked by yourinstagram, landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 349 392 others
f1 Is there a better way to start 2023 season than with YN YSN (sweetly called the tiny boss of Red Bull Racing) in the paddock? We say there is NOT! Welcome YN, we hope you have the best time with us!
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yourinstagram thank uuuuu!
danielricciardo THE boss is here!
landonorris *heart eyes*
charles_leclerc Welcome back, YN!
ynupdates oh how i missed her face
ynsmybestie 5 months without even a photo of her finger online... it was a draught
ynsmymama yn's a vroom vroom girlie?????
ynsmybabie F1? is she a fan? tiny boss? what is going on?
⤷ ynupdates I feel like I'm the only one that knew. YN is Christian Horner's (red bull racing boss) step-daughter.
⤷ ynsmybestie isn't his wife ginger spice?
⤷ ynupdates yes! she's YN's mum. how do you guys not know that?
⤷ ynshands maybe because she's using her grandma's surname and not her mother's?
formulafan49 so we're getting las vegas content in bahrain? this sport is getting out of control with all those celebrities attending
⤷ landonorizz why are you being bothered by somebody that knows almost everything about formula 1? go be mad somewhere else
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yourinstagram
liked by danielricciardo, landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 2 201 302 others
yourinstagram hiii💛 took a break and wrote a song. you're losing me is out now! i love all of you my pathological people pleasers.
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danielricciardo be a happy song with me?
⤷ yourinstagram running to you right now
⤷ landonorris bringing mum's biscuits
⤷ maxverstappen1 I'll bring myself 😊
⤷ danielricciardo you lot weren't invited, but come in... I guess
landonorris you're the only person I'm not mad at for making me cry, ynn
⤷ yourinstagram you've heard the song before, lan
⤷ landonorris shhhh
⤷ danielricciardo it won't make her fall in love with you, norris
⤷ landonorris fuck you man
maxverstappen1 💛💛
ynupdates WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED HERE
ynsmybestie I won't recover. I fucking won't recover
ynsmymama I'm gonna die... its so sad. its heartbreaking. I'm losing myself
hArrysbtch woah, my heart cannot take this
harrysmoustache firstly, break my heart and take it, yn
harrysmoustache secondly, why is the whole f1 here? wtf
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harryupdates
liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 45 202 others
harryupdates In his latest interview Harry was asked about his private life - especially his relationship with YN. After the question of "do you feel like you throw a great love away?" Harry answered with "I don't know. I don't regret a lot of things in my life but that's [the relationship] probably one of them." You can read the interview via the link in our story!
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hArrysbtch suddenly a six year lasting relationship was a mistake???
hArrysbtch ehh, harry. i kinda feel that the breakup (from Harry's side) happened a long time ago. there is no sparkle anymore
hArrysbtch now let me start on not mentioning her name like EVER "my last partner" her name is YN, why he can't just say it? it's been going on for years. since they started dating really...
harrysmoustache that wasn't the best interview
ynsmymama about 'you're losing me': "every artist has their imagination that they write down and then release. sometimes it's good and sometimes it should be kept private. i'm not the one to size it up." THAT WAS FUCKING LOW
⤷ harrysmoustache as much as I love him that was petty af
⤷ hArrysbtch especially when almost all critics named this song one of the best LYRICALLY and MUSICALLY in the last few decades
ynshands "I don't know if you can be ready to move on from a longterm relationship. it's definitely harder than from something that lasts months or two years." THIS MOTHERF****R IS TALKING ABOUT NOT BEING THE ONE TO MOVE ON BUT HE DID WHILE STILL BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP??????
⤷ ynsmymama this is called audacity
⤷ harrysfan49 cheating was never confirmed, was it?
⤷ ynsmybestie yes, it was. right after harry's "announcement" yn posted a story with lyrics from 'illicit affairs'. i think that's enough of a confirmation.
ynsmybestie yeah, here he comes again not being able to fucking say her name. those 6 years meant nothing?
⤷ harrysfan92 maybe he doesn't want to share his private relationship online
⤷ ynsmybestie i don't understand that. you're loving a person for six years, claiming them the love of your life, but saying the name is hard? he never mentioned her in interviews (my closest friend, my partner, someone I love). he couldn even show up at her birthday party because he had a photoshoot. just to point out, the drivers showed up in London, even though they had a race in Imola the next day.
⤷ harrysfan87 you guys are toxic. just gonna blame him for the breakup? unbelievable.
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ynupdates
liked by ynsmybestie, landofan92 and 88 203 others
ynupdates YN AND LANDO AT THE NIGHTCLUB IN MONACO!!!!!
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ynsmybestie NO FUCKING WAY
ynsmybestie SHE LOOKS SO HOT
ynsmymama the way he looks at her ??? 🫠
ynsfan92 find somebody who looks at you just like lando looks at yn. YOU CAN'T
⤷ ynsmymuse have you seen how max looks at her?
landofan92 do I need to change my bio from norizz to yesrizz?
user39 yeah, moving on quickly when her exboyfriend is talking about how he adores her
⤷ ynsmybestie where??? because i only saw how awful he was to YN from the moment they broke up
user02 yeah, move on quickly and go trough all the drivers
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yourinstagram added to her IG story!
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lando.jpg
liked by yourinstagram, maxverstappen1 and 1 004 392 others
lando.jpg yn showed her favourites
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danielricciardo LIAAAAAR. SHE LOVES ME MORE.
⤷ yourinstagram of course
⤷ lando.jpg i love your sarcasm
maxverstappen1 💛
yourinstagram not my fault you were the only ones available for photos
⤷ maxverstappen1 I don't mind
⤷ lando.jpg neither do I
⤷ danielricciardo I DO
⤷ charles_leclerc I DO TOO
ynsmybestie hot
ynsmybestie but also i see you YN with favouring Max and Lando, i see you girl
ynsmymama why I've never realised how hot those two are???
ynshands is there a thing she does badly?
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ynupdates
liked by ynsmybestie, maxandyn and 68 574 others
ynupdates YN and MAX VERSTAPPEN at the bar tonight in Zandvoort, celebrating Max's win!
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ynsmybestie SEE? you defend the girl, you get the girl!
ynsmymama i mean i was rooting for them but i am still speechless
ynshands YAS PARENTS
maxfan85 after the race that he had, tying to yet another record and getting a girl? is there a thing he can't do or can't have??
ynsfan93 sooo, do we say they're together orrr?
⤷ ynsmybestie i mean, look at them. i have many friends but i'm not that cozy with any of them
⤷ ynsmymama i vote early stages of dating. yn's a touchy person in nature so you know, it can be that
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yourinstagram added to her IG story!
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a/n: do you want to see more of them?
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part 2
#f1 x reader#formula 1 x reader#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen social media au#max verstappen one shot#max verstappen x singer!reader#max verstappen fic#harry styles x reader#harry styles x ex!reader
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cuore mio
from the series theadora.
for anon.
smut. oral (f receiving), spitting, daddy kink, public sex.
"They're– Harry," she pushes his head away, and Harry lets out a groan, lips still puckered and wet from his kisses. "They're there..."
He looks up at the crowd in question.
Everyone's either drunk or too hot to care about anything around them. They're either singing, reading, or just taking a nap. He bites his bottom lip, looks around the small deck area they're on, and spots her beach towel she's been using as a pillow as she sunbathed before Harry interrupting her.
She watches him yank the towel away from where it's been sitting, and he opens it.
"What are you doing?" She laughs, eyes darting between the towel and Harry's boney fingers as he places it over their laps. "We look suspicious as fuck."
"They don't care," he murmurs into her neck, grabbing her by the side of it to move her closer to his face.
His kisses are slow, practiced, and wet. He smells of the beach, and the sunscreen she'd put on him a few hours ago.
And a bit of sweat.
She grabs him by the back of his neck, suddenly feeling too brave, and he opens his mouth, tongue finding hers as he sucks it into his own mouth. He smiles into the wet kiss, smiles at the noises she's making, knowing full-well he's got her under his spell.
Harry moves to her chin, then the side of her chin, her neck, then back up. He kisses her cheek with open-mouth kisses, and she giggles, hands grabbing him roughly, pressing him into her.
He lets out a growl when her hand touches his belly, then his cock over the shorts he's wearing. "You're so fuckin' hot," he whispers, forehead pressed against the crook of her neck. "So fuckin' hot."
"You are," she whispers, eyes trying to find his gaze.
He looks feral, eyes darting between each and every feature on her face.
He looks like a man on mission.
His hands say so.
"Yeah?" He bites the side of her neck. Hard. "I'm hot?"
She nods, watching his hand disappear under the towel.
She knows what's coming.
His warm hand cups her pussy over the tiny bikini bottoms she has on, and he lets out a moan, clearly not liking the fact that he has to work with yet another layer.
"Yes," she nods, voice quiet. "You're so hot, H."
"God– fuck," he bites into her shoulder, teeth almost breaking the skin. His fingers work the bikini bottoms and finally, they're pushed to the side, creating access for his long fingers. "You're so fuckin' wet."
She hides her face in the crook of his neck, smelling him, the smell of beach and sweat, and Harry retracts his fingers, quickly bringing them up to his mouth. He looks up at their friends, then back at her, and puts his fingers in his mouth, then moves his hand back under the towel.
She opens her legs wider, as discreetly as she can, and he breathes into her neck while his fingers rubs her pussy. He finds his rhythm quickly, the way she likes it, and she can't help but grab his other hand and place his fingers into her mouth. He rubs her pussy with his middle finger, bringing her slick up and down, and she bites his fingers in hopes of staying quiet.
She feels the coil in her stomach, so deep inside, and when he finds her hole, his palm pressing against her clit every time he pumps his fingers in and out, she feels like something gives up inside her. She feels hot, too hot, and she feels as though she's going to pee if Harry doesn't slow down.
She says as much while he licks the underside of her ear, lips then finding her earlobe and sucking on it as his fingers fucks into her harshly.
"Slower," she manages to whisper into his fingers. She licks them, kisses them, and Harry can't help but nod, hand going to wrap around her neck in a practiced manner.
His thumb strokes the side of her neck while he fucks into her with his long fingers, wet lips kissing and sucking on her warm, probably-sweaty skin.
"I love you," he chokes out, palm still creating friction against her clit. "I love you so much," he whispers, lips finding hers again.
She answers back, with her own kisses, wet mouths creating obscene sounds, and they're lucky Xander has decided to play music very loudly in the distance.
"Harry," a breath leaves her mouth, teeth clinking together, and he nods.
"Oh God," she fights his kisses, feeling too much all at once, and she leans her head back as Harry follows.
It's like he can't get enough of her mouth.
He abuses her lips with his, wet kisses all over her face, her mouth, and she feels his spit running down her chin, so she lets out another moan, hips already bucking up to meet the thrust of his fingers.
She feels it on the tips of her toes, her hands, her stomach.
Her cunt.
Everything feels on fire.
She's on fire.
"Gonna come for me?" Harry asks, voice raspy and low, and he licks the saliva that's running down her chin back into her mouth. He's clearly not looking for a response as he kisses her.
She can't help but nod weakly still, hand pressed against his. Then, she moves it to his upper body, fingers finding his pecks as she strokes the hair on his chest, then holds onto his necklace as he keeps fucking and rubbing her cunt.
"Come on," he nods, hair falling against his sweat-covered forehead. "Gonna come for me? For Daddy?"
"Oh fuck– fuckfuckfuck I'm coming, I'm coming!"
"Yeah, that's it," his abuse on her cunt becomes rough, almost more focused. Feral. He fucks another finger into her pussy as she squeezes around his fingers, and she moves her hips against his palm as she begins coming undone. "That's my girl. That's my good fuckin' girl," he bites her chin, making her lean into the touch. "Doesn't even care that we're in public..."
She feels like she's in a dream, Harry's fingers still deep inside her.
"No..." she moans– whispers more like.
"No," Harry agrees, forehead pressing in the crook of her neck. He licks there once, then leaves a kiss. "She doesn't care. You'll give it to me whenever and wherever we are, won't you, baby?"
"I love you," she nods, feeling cold all of a sudden, despite his fingers being inside her.
She feels him smile against her neck, and he looks up. "I love you. So much."
"Yeah?" She feels the need to ask. Again.
"I love you so, so fuckin' much," he kisses her cheek, his free hand wiping the saliva off her chin, and cheeks. "You're my heart."
"I am?"
"You are. You are everything."
#harry styles#harry styles x reader#ex husband!harry#theadora#harry styles smut#harry styles x y/n#harry styles imagine#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfiction#harry's house#love on tour#harry styles blurb#harry styles writing#harry smut#harry writing#harry x reader#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x you#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles fluff
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ex-boyfriend!harry x you
just a lil somethin somethin. wrote this super quick and didn’t proof read it so !!!! basically just smut with a lil bit of a plot, didn’t go into too much detail w the plot. just was in a….mood if you know what i mean HAHAHA.
wc: 2.8k
tw: ex-boyfriend!harry, smut 18+, squirting if you squint, unprotected sex, p in v. use protection kids!!!
bad idea, right?
The bass through the speaker in the bar turns to muffled bumps as you look down at your phone and see a text from your former boyfriend, blood draining from your face, from your brain and you can't form a coherent thought. Just his name that you never deleted from your contact list. It had been six months since the tumultuous end that you never wanted to think about. You stared at it for so long that the letters of his name blurred together.
Harry.
Yes with just a period, because you had removed the emoji you reserved just for him, a giraffe from some inside joke the two of you shared. You had wondered then if he kept the teddy bear by yours or if he removed it like you had, erasing that part of your relationship from his memory.
You remind yourself not to think of it that way. It was over. Six months ago, when he came home and said he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore with no explanation. He packed and left the same night. You didn’t stop him…how could you have, when he was so hellbent on leaving? You just wanted him to be happy, if he decided it wasn’t with you, you had to learn to be okay with that.
Your finger hovers over the message, wanting nothing more than to open it and see if he finally decided to give you the clarification you were desperate for. You glance around briefly, looking to see if any one of your friends was near. If they saw this they would freak. They’d yell and scream at you to delete it without opening it.
You knew you couldn’t.
The coast was clear and you inhale deeply, holding it in until the message was open.
From: Harry.
“Hey.”
Just one simple word. Chewing on the inside of your lip, you type back.
To: Harry.
“Hi.”
Three gray dots show up on the screen almost instantly, like he was watching the message thread and waiting for you to respond while you were having a crisis on the other end. You drum your fingers against the back of your phone, nervously shifting your weight from one foot to the other as you watch them disappear and reappear, as if he was typing and rethinking whatever he was saying. Then it finally shows up.
From: Harry.
“Busy?”
Yet another message with one single word. Narrowing your eyes, you quickly type back that you were at the bar with your friends. The typing bubble comes up again, but he doesn’t seem to hesitate on sending this time because the only thing that comes up is an address. Assuming it’s his new place, you look around for your friends but don’t see them in your line of sight.
You argue back and forth with the angel and devil perched on your shoulders. You know this means he wants you to come over. But it’s a bad idea, right? On the other hand you miss him, more than you ever missed anyone, and not getting to tell him how much you loved him when he left made it impossible to forget him.
Just one time wouldn’t hurt, right?
Your phone buzzes in your hand, his name lighting up your phone in a different way this time. You press the green button without hesitation, putting a hand over your other ear to hear him better. But the other end of the line is silent, save for his breathing. Neither of you wanted to be the first to speak. Then he clears his throat.
“Come over.” He’s almost begging, and you sense some undertone in his plea. “Please. Just miss you.” He admits and the alcohol clouding your mind makes it sound like honey dripping from his tongue and you don’t question it.
“Miss you too.” You slur, twisting a strand of hair through your fingers and looking towards the floor. “I’ll be there in 20.” You say without thinking about it and hang up quickly.
You don’t waste time, leaving the bar and typing his address into your phone to get directions. On the way over, you think about turning around and going home, because this is crazy. You swore you were done with him, you didn’t beg him to stay, didn’t beg him to come back…and yet you’re unsure why it was so easy for you to come to his beck and call at your expense.
You decide that it would be a problem for you to figure out when you’re sober.
You pull up in front of his place in a quaint little neighborhood, one you never imagined he would be living in. Sitting in your car for a moment, mustering up the courage to go knock was proving to be difficult but you take a deep breath and get out anyway. Standing in front of his door, you only get one knock in before he’s swinging the door open, not wasting any time like he was waiting there for you the entire time.
He’s there, standing in front of you, dressed in nothing but those goddamn gray sweats that seem to leave nothing to imagination and your brain sends itself into overdrive. It was like you were seeing him for the first time, and he was you. Looking at each other wordlessly, it seems to say everything the two of you need. You could see it in his eyes—longing, lust and a hint of repentance swirling in his gaze, but you know you’re not here for that.
He surges forward, and you meet him in the middle. When your lips meet, you forget he isn’t yours anymore. Your heart melts along with your body pressing into him as your tongues dance together and heat swirls below your navel. It’s anything but gentle, teeth clashing together and tugging on his hair at the nape of his neck. His fingers tangle in strands of your hair, tightening his grip at the root and you whimper into his mouth. He backs into the foyer, bringing you with him without detaching his lips from yours. He lowers himself, tapping the sides of your thighs gently and wrapping his hands ‘round the backs of them and you know what he wants you to do. You jump slightly and he lifts you as you wrap your legs around his hips and he shuts the door, backing you into it and you arch your back, pushing your chest against his. You finally pull away from the kiss, needing to catch your breath. He doesn’t say anything, attaching his lips to your pulse point and lightly nipping at the skin there and you let a whine escape, leaning your head back to give him more access.
“Har.” Your eyes squeeze shut, teeth gritting at the marks he’s leaving on your skin, pain morphing into pleasure that clouds your senses.
“Missed you so much, dovey. Can’t believe I let you fucking go.” He mutters against your collarbone between kisses.
“Please.” You breathe out, and he brings his gaze to meet yours now. Using the door for leverage, he brings one hand up, drawing over your lips with his thumb and you part them for him. Placing the pad of his thumb against your tongue, you wrap your lips around his digit and suck lightly, hollowing your cheeks and his eyes flutter as he leans his forehead against yours.
“Fuck, angel. Missed this pretty mouth too.” He pants and pulls his thumb from your mouth, rubbing your own salivation over your lips.
“Why am I here if you’re not going to fuck me?” You manage to ask, wanting to cut to the chase and still a little breathless. He grins.
“Who said I wasn’t? Just wanna take you in first. Didn’t think you’d show up.”
“Well, I did. Please fuck me. Need it so much, Harry.” You beg and his grin grows. Carrying you, he walks you through the unfamiliar layout of his house until you reach the bedroom and he’s laying you down gently, climbing over you and kissing over exposed skin. His fingers dance under the hem of your shirt, sliding under and he palms over your tits and squeezing lightly. Your hands find his face in the dark and pull his lips to yours again.
The kiss is only brief, he stands and pushes his sweats off his body, kicking the material from his legs and he works on undressing you. He pulls your shirt over your head and immediately his fingers flick the button of your jeans open, pulling them and your panties off in one go. When he climbs back over you, you trail your hands from his chest to his navel, wrapping one hand around his cock and tugging gently. Thumbing over the tip, collecting the evidence of his own arousal. He swears under his breath, chest heaving at your gentleness and you don’t really want to waste any more time. You line him up with your entrance, forgoing any foreplay for the sake of just needing him to fill you like you’ve been craving. He seems to understand the desire you feel, slowly pushing into you and dropping his head to your chest.
“Fucking missed this.” He says through gritted teeth, following his words with a garbled groan as he slides into you. You can only muster a whimper in response, the feel of him stretching you open leaving your brain fuzzy and unable to form a coherent thought and all you know is him…his touch…his cock. He stills when he reaches the hilt, warming himself inside you and he brings his head up to look at you underneath him. He can’t help but take in your flushed cheeks and your eyes squeezed shut, and he just loves how pretty you look like this. Like an angel. He pulls out to the tip and without warning drives into you over and over, hips meeting yours and his mouth pulls up at the corner at the noises you can’t hold in.
“Heard you fucking went out with Nathan.” He seethes and your eyes fly open at his claim. He knows you weren’t expecting him to bring it up with his dick inside you, but you know where he’s going. “Did he fuck you like this? Did he fill you like I can, pretty girl?” You can’t seem to find it in you to answer, lost in how he makes you feel. And you did sleep with Nathan, but you weren’t exactly sure how Harry knew that.
“Answer me, baby.” He purrs against the skin under your ear, lips brushing against you as he whispers in your ear and you shake your head.
“N-no. Nobody—fuck—nobody does it like you.” It was the truth. Harry just knew how to satisfy you in a way no other man could. He knew you like the back of his hand, knew the spots that would make you scream his name…knew how to work you up just right until you were squirming just from his touch.
“That’s right. Nobody fucking does it like me, dovey.” He’s relentless with his pace, looking for one outcome and one outcome only. He hits a spot deep inside your pussy over and over until you feel that all too familiar pressure building in your core. Your fingernails scrape over his back, clawing and holding him closer to you.
“Har, m’gonna—” You can’t get the full sentence from your throat, your moan muffled as you bite onto his shoulder.
“I know it, angel. Fucking give it to me. Wanna feel you soaking me.”
So you do, you let go and the pressure releases and you’re crying out and he’s got a smirk plastered on his face knowing no one but him can make you feel this way. You’re holding your breath and he’s tapping your face lightly to bring you back down to earth.
“Breathe, dove.” He encourages and you exhale, chest deflating and your body goes limp from exhaustion. He fucks into you slower now, allowing you to recover and you give him a tired smile. His movements halt and he lifts your hips from the mattress, wrapping his arms around you and splaying his hands across your back while he kisses you again and again, pecking lightly until you’re giggling.
Without pulling out of you, he pulls you to his chest and rolls until you’re on top of him, the shift in position pushing his cock in a little bit further. Your limbs are jelly and you steady yourself by flattening your palms on his chest. You roll your hips lazily, clit rubbing over his skin and making yourself shudder. You clench around him as his head drops back against the headboard, eyes rolling back from pleasure. His hands find your hips and squeeze, dimpling the supple skin. His fingers digging into your flesh burns but he knows this is how you like it, he knows that you like it best when it hurts just a little bit. Love looking in the mirror and seeing the evidence of his touches all over you.
He guides you the way he wants, rolling your hips over his cock before helping you bounce, ass meeting the top of his thighs so deliciously. It’s slow at first, then you find your own rhythm and fuck his cock into you and he’s a mess underneath you now. Praising you and roaming his hands from your ribs down to the swell of your ass.
“Doing so fucking good, angel—taking me so well. Know you were made just for me.” His teeth clench together and his jaw ticks. “Can I cum in your pretty pussy, baby?”
“God yes, Harry. Please.” You beg him and he nods, chuckling and throwing his head back once more. His hand finds the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him forcefully and you whine.
“You’re a fucking dream, dove. So good to me even when I don’t deserve it.” He holds you there and he takes over, bucking his hips so he’s fucking you again and holds you just where he wants you. It doesn’t take much more before you feel him twitching inside you and feel the warmth of his cum spilling into you and it sends you over again, coil snapping as you pulse around him. You kiss over his neck as he rides you both through the high.
You stay there for a moment wrapped up in eachother, skin sticky with sweat and chests heaving together with pants and short breaths. Your head rests on his collarbone and you draw circles over the swallow on his chest and his fingers find a path on your spine, running down before coming back up. It was fast and quick and everything you needed. He turns his head and nudges you with his nose, pressing his lips to your skin and breathing in.
“I’m sorry.” You hear him whisper against your temple. Your eyes look up at him and feel your heart melting at the sight of him, sweaty and euphoric with his curls sticking to his forehead.
“We don’t have to talk about it right now.” You mutter. “Just let me pretend the past six months didn’t happen for a little while longer.” He nods, pecking your temple once more, then twice. Exhaustion takes over your mind and you’re almost asleep on his chest when the shrill ring of your phone brings you to a panic.
You jump off of him, searching on the floor for your phone and when you find it you see it's a friend calling you. You swear under your breath, heart pounding in your chest when you realize you forgot to tell them you were leaving. You press the button and bring it to your ear as Harry flicks on his bedside lamp and illuminates the room with a soft glow.
“Hello?” You say, calming yourself and trying not to sound too casual.
“Where are you?” She asks curtly, and you curse yourself again for not mentioning you were leaving sooner.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling well and left. I tried to find you but I couldn’t. Then I forgot to text. I’m sorry.” You lie and she’s silent on the other end for a beat.
“So you’re home?”
“Yeah.” Another lie. They didn’t have to know you were in Harry’s bed. Not yet at least. You’d tell them eventually. Just not right now. You chew on the inside of your lip, and look over at Harry who has a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. You roll your eyes at him and bite back your own grin.
“Okay. Well…feel better I guess.” She says and hangs up. You let go of a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.
You knew it was a bad idea.
Yet you didn’t seem to care as you crawled between his sheets and went to sleep.
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry edward styles#harry#styles#harry fic#harry styles smut#harry x you#harry styles fluff#harry styles blurbs#harry styles blurb#harry styles x you#exbf!harry#ex boyfriend!harry styles#harry styles fic#harry styles angst#harry styles one shots#harry styles one shot#harry smut#harry styles fanfic
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What are ex!harry and yn (Patreon) up to these days?
Oh those two are treading thin ice to not get caught 🫣 but it’s hard when they keep taking long weekends away… people might start noticing 👀 I’ve been asked to do some more ex!Harry so I’m gonna work on something for y’all 🥰
Xoxo
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Sunday
This is an extra for Tuesday
It is all fluff (and maybe like some 18+ topics mentioned but not really described all that much) This anon was just asking about them as I was writing so I feel like it was fate that I posted about them next :) @fairytale07 sent me a beautiful long message about how much they'd like to see what happens next after their little front yard confession. @pumpkinspiceswift also inquired about an update at one point as well. So I hope all of you enjoy!
This is one of my favorites I’ve written, honestly. It's also one of my most popular works. I wanted to add more but I figured I could do another extra later on <3 It's a quick little check in that immediately follows the end of the original part. Just over 1.8K words.
(There's a flashback in the middle in italics.)
He loved her immediately. He loved her wholly. Completely. Harry was entranced. Simply put.
Because it really was love. She loved him. Actively. Maybe she never even stopped loving him. But she loved him with everything in her.
Harry wrapped his arms around her tightly. He couldn’t stop the chuckle that vibrated through him as he gently swayed the sweet girl as she clung to him. “Y’okay, love?” He asked.
She nodded against him silently. Gently, he kissed the side of her head, happy to have her in his arms. “D’you want to go inside?” He started to pull away, but her arms squeezed around him tighter.
“I don’t want to let go,” she admitted.
Harry felt a tug in his heart. God, she was lovely. Even after all this time. He chuckled. “I’ll grab y’right back once we’re inside,” he promised.
“Embarrassed for your neighbors to see me?” She asked.
He rolled his eyes, pinching her sides lightly to tickle her. “No, y’goose,” he muttered. “Jus’ don’t want t’subject them to the hot make out session m’about t’throw myself into,” he brushed his lips against her temple.
She released a nervous giggle. “Oh?”
“Only if y’want of course,” he said rubbing one of his hands up and down her spine while the other cupped the back of her head. As much as he loved holding her like this, he wanted to see her beautiful face and kiss her until his lips went numb. Her whole body had a reaction to his statement. His kind request, his promise of nothing more if she didn’t want it. It made her legs feel like jelly. Her heart reduced to a puddle.
“Oh, I very much want,” she nodded assuredly against him.
*
Harry propped his head up with one hand while the other slowly brushed her hair behind her ear. “Y’okay?” He asked as she sighed while running her index finger outlining the butterfly on his abdomen.
“I haven’t had good sex in a really long time it seems,” she murmured.
He snorted. As he chuckled, he could feel the blood rush to his cheeks at her assessment. He felt shy even after all this time. “Y’always know jus’ how to improve m’self-esteem, kitten.”
“You deserve it after that,” she sighed, smiling at his ribs. She placed a kiss on his chest, and he thought that maybe he would never leave this bed if she was going to be in it. It was as if the time apart didn’t mean anything. He loved her immediately—the second he set eyes on her in the dark coffee shop prepared to protect her with his body as a shield, if necessary, just under a week ago. He loved her wholly. Completely. Harry was entranced. Simply put. Nothing but love for the sweet girl kissing the butterfly on his stomach.
They were quiet for a few moments, just touching one another in post-love bliss. Because it really was love. She loved him. Actively. Maybe she never even stopped loving him. But she loved him with everything in her.
“Angel?” He asked quietly.
“Hmm...”
“What s’all this mean t’you?”
She paused briefly. “Can we just...wait a few more minutes?” She asked. “I’m nervous to have this conversation and I don’t think I’ve had an orgasm that good since before we broke up and I don’t want to lose that feeling just yet.”
He chuckled again shaking his head at her and leaned forward to kiss the spot of her hair where he was just brushing his fingers against. “I can give y’another one of those in a few minutes, love,” he sounded very seductive. It made her heart flutter, and she felt her cheeks warm at his voice.
“Think our little talk might ruin it,” she muttered.
He frowned. Did that mean this wasn’t...we’re they not...getting back together? The idea saddened him. But Harry had an arrangement with another woman for nearly the last six months. He wouldn’t love it, but he could have an arrangement with her. He would...well it seemed a bit crazy, but Harry would do anything to have her back. Just seeing her at the coffee shop over the last six days had been enough to refire the passion he felt for her. Sharing a bed with her the other night gave him a sense of calm and he didn’t even know upset. Even just being near her right now was a heaven he didn’t know still existed. “Why’s that?” He had to ask.
She sighed—they were doing this now. It made sense; you didn’t have a hot make out session that turned into leg-numbing sex with your ex of two years after not seeing him for another two years only for him to make sure you were okay while you worked for almost a week without having a serious talk. Rolling onto her back, Harry scooted closer to her. “Did anything change?” She wondered.
Harry kept his hand on her face. “Like what?”
“Well...we broke up because we were at two different places in our lives.”
Harry shrugged. “Our two separate lives also brought us back together anyway.”
She smiled and Harry couldn’t believe she was real. “Didn’t think of it like that,” she mumbled and kissed his chest. As worried as Harry felt, it was hard to not appease her. He wanted to have this talk as much as she did.
“Angel.”
“Hmm?”
“I would love t’get back together,” he whispered.
She looked up at him from the butterfly that she had been giving so much attention to. It wasn’t that she felt awkward around Harry. Actually, she felt far from it. But his gentle whisper made her swoon and she felt utterly shy. “Yeah?”
He nodded and gazed at her with the kindest smile she had ever had the pleasure of looking at. “Would y’want t’start over?”
She bit her lip and thought for a moment. Harry didn’t feel this nervous the first time he asked her out. Certainly, didn’t feel nervous while he was producing near pornographic moans just fifteen minutes ago. But the pause she gave right now; well, it made him terrified of her response. Maybe this was just sex. Maybe it was just a really wonderful thank you for his protection over the last week.
“Where were you this morning?” She asked instead.
Still nervous he blinked and tilted his head at her curiously at her question. “Mum’s,” he said. “Gemma and I have brunch with her every Sunday.”
Relief sighed through her, and she nodded. “I want nothing more than to be a couple again,” she promised and wiggled closer to his face and pressed her lips over his. Harry chuckled against her mouth causing tingles to flutter through her mouth and brain. “But,” she mumbled. “Could we pick up where we left off in a few spots?”
“Like what? Or where?” He kissed her again.
“Like,” she blushed, her lips attached to his between words and phrases. “Uh...” she said feeling a bit dizzy by his sweet breath and warm mouth.
She was transported to the fifth month of when they originally dated. Her mouth had been itching to say three words to Harry. Back when they were making cookies from scratch for Niall’s mom’s birthday the middle of university break between semesters. She had knelt to get the measuring spoon she dropped on the floor and bumped into Harry’s hand as she returned from the floor, his hand pressing firmly against the corner of the counter.
He didn’t seem to pay any attention to the motion, his eyes scanning the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag. “Y’okay?” He had asked turning toward her as she stood straight again, looking at Harry and wondering how this wasn’t an earth-shattering moment for him.
“Hmm?” She asked nervously.
“Bumped your head?” He said kissing her forehead as he paused his reading and then rubbed the back of her head. As if she didn’t injure his hand herself from hitting it against the counter. Or from the fact that he didn’t seem to pay any attention to protecting her.
She nodded mutely.
He smiled sweetly, kissing her gently and then cupping her face. She dropped the spoon again because she could see it on his face—he was going to say it. The chocolate chips spilling onto the counter, a few stray ones falling on the floor as well. Her heart nearly stopped. “I love you,” he said simply.
She felt like she might explode in the middle of the kitchen he shared with Niall. “God, I love you too,” she answered, and Harry laughed this gorgeous, perfect laugh that made all her organs mushy. It wasn’t that she wanted to say it before him, it was just that he deserved so much love because he was Harry.
“Like what, kitten?” He asked, his voice getting muffled by her lips. This was her chance. She could say it first for the second time and give Harry all the love he rightfully deserved. However, he was making it difficult by kissing her so much the air was thinning and making her brain foggy.
There was so much to figure out. How did it change their old relationship? How would it change this new one? She was starting a real job soon. Niall still lived with Harry. They've known each other for so long now. How did it change all of it?
But despite all the questions floating in her mind it really didn't matter to her. None of it. All that mattered was Harry and his beautiful dimples and his kind green eyes.
And the kisses he was distracting her with.
“Like...” she sighed and pressed her hands to his face to stop the kisses that were interrupting the neurons in her brain from behaving properly. He smirked at her as if he knew what he was doing to her—he probably did. She gazed at those perfect green eyes. “Like, I still love you, so much and I don’t want to pretend that I don’t, so we have to go through the whole first I love you again...because I love you. So much,” she told him her cheeks warming with blood in nervousness that maybe he didn’t feel the same way yet. She wouldn’t mind or blame him. It was early obviously. But he was there, and he deserved to know this was her and him and she loved him regardless of if he loved her back. "I don't even care if you say it back, I just need you to know...I love you so much." It had been four years since they first said it and it didn’t seem like she ever truly felt anything but love for him since she first said it. “I don’t know if I ever stopped.”
There wasn’t a second of hesitation from him. As if he had also been transported back to the very same moment she had been thinking about. “God, I love you too.”
--
general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz
If you like this story, you can find the rest of my writing here: Masterlist
#harry#harry styles#harry styles writing#harry styles fluff#harry styles smut#harry styles blurb#harry styles blurbs#harry styles angst#harry styles fic#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#hs#hs fic#harry styles imagine#harry styles concept#ex!harry#harry styles one shot#one direction#one direction writing#tuesday#sunday
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Can we get a sneak peak 👀
Im soo indecisive 😩
Hiiii! Of course!
Nice Baby Daddy Sneak:
“Are you awake?” Jake’s husky voice tuned your hearing to the low raspy sound coming from him and out of that nagging stacked, reversed sound of your voice in your head.
“Yeah.” You whispered back your confirmation.
“Do you want to go get chilly fries at Mil’s?” He asked and you smiled and turned to him.
“Right now?” You asked and he nodded.
“They started closing at midnight after they expanded the college campus.” Jake shared and you hummed.
“Nice. Ummm, yeah I’m down.” You agreed. It was only 10:30 at night so you still had plenty of time.
You both got dressed swiftly before heading off. The drive was short and you were pleasantly surprised to see so much youth and life teeming from the careworn locale. You smiled when you recognized the song playing over the speaker to be “Build Me Up Buttercup”, you always loved that they only played oldies from the 60’s and 70’s.
Everything looked like it always had as you followed Jake to the register. He stopped at the counter and you glanced down at the ground and smiled as you saw a particularly harsh black scuff from the time you slipped in some chunky black heels. You hooked your arm into Jake’s as he ordered the chili fries and a strawberry milkshake for you two to share. As soon as he took his little numbered plaque you guys slid into a nearby booth.
“So what’ve you been up to since high school?” He asked you and you smiled.
“How much time have you got?” You asked playfully and he chuckled.
“As much as you need.” He flirted and you blushed before starting to share your adventures.
Toxic Baby Daddy Sneak:
“Sorry, I’m just thinking a lot of stuff through.” You shared, “My ex, Harry? He’s in town and called and he wanted to see me and talk.” You explained and Steven’s expression twisted into a disconcerting look, “So I went and talked with him and after he apologized I just left.” You explained and suddenly Steven’s whole demeanor changed.
“What are you doing talking and going to see your ex?” He asked you, fully offended over what you’d done this afternoon. “He knows that you’re still his.” He said and you scoffed.
“What?! He was just reaching out to get some closure. And well, considering we’ve been talking about starting a relationship in the near future I too wanted to ensure that there was nothing else I needed to know before I complete moved past that relationship.” You explained and he shook his head.
“And you didn’t think to tell me about this?”
“I am now-”
“Before?” He pressed.
“It happened so fast and I know you were meeting clients all day so I-”
“You should have at least asked if I was fine with you doing that!” He explained and you frowned.
“Like…ask you for permission?” You asked and he shook his head.
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N.”
“I’m not, I was asking for clarification. You said I should’ve asked if it was alright with you before going. Is that not asking for permission?” You asked and he sighed.
“Look, not permission but like…at least have me be there so he doesn’t get any ideas.” He said and you looked at him like he was completely delusional.
“W-what?!” You asked in disbelief, “Why would I invite you into a conversation with me and my ex about our old relationship?” You questioned.
“Because, I need to make sure nothing weird is going on! And if you didn’t want me there, which you clearly didn’t, then you should’ve asked if I was cool with you going to meet him all alone!”
“And what if you said that no, I couldn’t go?”
“I would’ve said no and you should listen to me when I ask you to do or not do something!” He rebutted and you were in total shock, “You have no business talking to him again.” He added and you sighed and shook your head in exasperation.
“I wanted answers and an apology, Steven!”
“And that alone fucked you up so much you couldn’t talk at dinner?” He asked and you rolled your eyes, “See, now I’m not sure that something else didn’t happen between you two.” He soft-launched his accusation and you scoffed.
“Nothing happened! I’m telling you that he said what he needed to say and I just left!” You explained, “But I don’t feel right about just having left like that.” You explained, “It was awkward, the way I handled it. But I mean, I got the apology I needed and that was that.” You said and his jaw clenched for a second.
“You positive?”
“I am.” You said and he nodded.
“Fine. I’m sorry.” He said grumpily and you just took it as him realizing he maybe overreacted. So you walked up to him and hugged him tight.
#harry styles#ex!harry styles#ex!harry#exes to lovers#harry styles reader insert#harry styles sneak peek#0nlythrowharrybeaux
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You can read Bound Together on Wattpad!
#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles smut#harry smut#harry styles oneshot#harry styles imagine#harry styles story#harry styles blurb#harry x reader#harry fanfic#harry fanfiction#harry styles fic#ex!harry
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they made them take a pic for the newspapers
#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#disco elysium#> mine#doodles/drawings#tatin.de#spoilers in the next tags you've been warned 🫵#imagine being dora and opening thw paper to see your ex with some headline about having discovered a big ass cryptid. i'd never recover
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