I'm rewatching supernatural (last i saw it was 2013) and like okay the writers can say dean in't bi but why do they send him a new hot boyfriend each season?

keep reading if you wanna know about the craziest liar and well known spn roleplayer I've met on tumblr

I will never forget being on tumblr from 2011 - 2015 and being in the supernatural role playing community. It was both one of the best, and worst experiences of my entire life. I role played as Dean Winchester (and actually my page is still up, and I might start up again) and had a fairly large following.

during 2011, the SPN rp community just started growing so I, among a few of my mun friends, were like the "It girls and guys". It's so insane to think about it now, 10+ years later. There were people out there who did not roleplay that would follow me, and reblog my threads just because they appreciated by writing ^.^ it was so sweet. Back to my memory lol.

Anyways, I made friends with a rper on here who ran a Castiel account. We very obviously shipped Dean & Cas, and so did a lot of people. People even shipped us xD we had a ship name and everything. This person became my best friend in real time.

I really really thought I knew this person. He told me everything, every part of his life, every heart break from some dumb guy, every accident he's ever made, etc. I saw him as not only a best friend but a brother.

around 2013, my life took a turn -- things got more serious for me, and I fell off from roleplaying for a bit, and we lost contact. I remember he just eventually stopped responding to my messages. This wasn't okay for me because before he ghosted me, he told me he was really sick. I was always worried that the last text I sent him was the last I'd ever hear from him.

Eventually he did respond to me, and I remember him saying, "I'm fine, I might just be gone for a while. It's not your fault" and that was that. Mind you, I was 10+ years younger, and I really felt devastated.

Several months later, I logged back onto my roleplaying account. I remember being spammed with asks and messages about him. One of our mutuals sent me a message saying he had passed away a month prior. She showed me the go fund me that was started for him to cover his funeral expenses. My heart was shattered.

The next year was spent of thinking about him almost every day. I felt so sorry that things ended the way they did, and that he was gone. I honestly felt grief that entire year.

In 2015, I get this intuitive 'nudge' to check my tumblr again. This time when I log in, I see appreciation posts about him, and all of those feelings come back. I remember trying to get back into rping in honor of him, and I remember coming across an account that seemed awfully familiar.

This was another castiel account, almost identical in text, aesthetic, vocabulary, even same psds. I just knew it was him. I can't tell you how, I just did. I remember thinking I was crazy and that this was grief... but, unfortunately, I was right.

Eventually, I gathered the nerve to reach out to this account. I cannot remember the name they gave me. But I talked to them, and I sort of played detective lol.

I deeply knew it was him and felt like it was so wrong that he lied about everything, had everyone upset, and took HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS from people who donated for his funeral.

One day, I was just tired of being nice. I approached him about it all. Of course he denied it. I badgered him about it though, and I even told him that what he is doing is illegal, and that he owes it to people who are mourning a very much alive person.

I didn't stop until he came forward.

He said, "I'm sorry, I had to do this to be with my boyfriend" and my jaw was on the freaking floor.

I told him to come forward, or I will have to do something about this.

Of course, he did not. Instead, he deleted his account. I tried to make a claim against him, but it was never looked into.

I will never forget that.

and if he's still out there, I hope he actually understands the weight of his actions. and I hope justice gets served.

meg, my beloved, you said the thing! "he was your boyfriend first" and it's so delightful that EVERY SINGLE TIME someone says something along these lines to either dean or cas, they never bother to deny it. dean doesn't even have a smartass remark. love that about them. there's plausible deniability and there's whatever the hell these two crazy kids have going on

i do love cas trying to insist that he's a pacifist, as if this angel hasn't committed MULTIPLE warcrimes. you're not fooling anyone sweetie!

crowley and dean's reactions to cas' monologues are... amusing. also just FUN when these three get together! right now, cas is in a room with two of his exes and his current girlfriend fling... the POWER this angel has over everyone. it's majestic. also if castiel tried to hand me a bag of honey I WOULD ACCEPT IT. because i'm not a bitch.

"the boys need cas to get dick" WELL AT LEAST ONE OF THEM DOES

- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

It’s Just a Little Crush (au / 2.2k words) 

Prompt 7 from my ‘30 Destiel Prompts’ for @starclaire

ao3 link

“Okay guys, we got a little time to kill before the bell so talk amongst yourselves. But keep it quiet.” Dean warns. 

It’s an ordinary Tuesday morning in Dean’s home room class. He’s got a good bunch this year - a few interesting personalities for sure. 

“Mr Winchester?”

Ah, speaking of interesting personalities.

“Yes, Krissy?” He looks up from the lesson plan he’d put together for his sophomore class first period. He frowns when he sees the eyes of all twenty-something kids staring back at him. “What’s going on?”

Nothing would surprise him anymore. He may have only been teaching at this particular school for a couple of years but he’d been an auto shop teacher for going on ten. He’d seen everything. And that’s why he knew having his entire home room look at him, like his kids currently were, wasn’t always a good thing. 

“What’s the deal with you and Mr Novak?” She smirks. 

Mr Novak, Castiel, is head of the history department. He’d started at the school about a year before Dean. He’s a little dorky and doesn’t always get people’s jokes or references but Dean knows the kids love him. He’s had many auto shop classes that begin with students telling him all about the ‘totally awesome’ history lesson they’d just had with Mr Novak. 

Dean pretends not to understand the implication in Krissy’s question. “What do you mean?”

But Krissy isn’t letting it go. “It’s just that we’ve all noticed that you get into the same car with Mr Novak every day after school.” She shrugs, feigning innocence as if her words aren’t peppered with sly suggestions. “And we all know it’s your car because you never stop going on about it even though it’s old as hell and no one, except old men, drive cars like that anymore.”

Dean tries not to be offended on behalf of his baby. He wasn’t going to argue with a teenager about the merits of a well-kept classic vintage car. Not again anyway. 

“It ain’t any of your business, Krissy, but Mr Novak doesn’t have a car so I drive him home.” Dean explains. “Happy?”

Krissy seems to relent, realising she’s not going to get a rise out of her teacher today. 

“Nah,” comes a voice from the back row. “I reckon there’s more to it than that.”

The class shuffles around to reveal Claire Novak smirking back at the teacher. She has a mischievous look in her eyes that Dean doesn’t like. She has the rest of the students intrigued though. 

Claire’s sly look only gets bigger as she begins to speak again. “I think they’re secretly dating,” she says, never taking her eyes off Dean, watching for his reaction. 

Dean sighs. Where is that damn bell?

“No, Claire, me and Mr Novak are not dating,” he denies. “And you of all people should know that.”

Claire is Castiel’s niece. Her dad is Castiel’s twin brother, Jimmy. Jimmy came to school to pick Claire up once and it weirded everyone out seeing the exact replica of their favourite teacher stood right next to the man himself. 

“Okay, fine,” Claire relents, “but you like him, right?”

Dean is saved from answering by the bell finally ringing.

*  *  * 

Dean was foolish to hope that the details of the interrogation he’d received would stay in home room. 

By third period, he’d heard students from each of his classes whisper as they were meant to be working. He couldn’t make out everything they were saying but he kept hearing the words ‘crush’ and ‘Mr Novak’ in the same sentence. 

Crush? Dean is a grown man. He hasn’t had a crush since he met his first boyfriend when he was sixteen. 

He takes a deep breath. It’ll blow over soon. 

*  *  * 

It does not blow over. 

A week later and everyone is still talking about. Even some of the other teachers have been giving Dean knowing looks every time he’s sat next to Castiel in the teacher’s lounge. Though, Cas seems to remain none the wiser. 

By the end of the day, Dean is glad to see his baby. He couldn’t wait to get home and be distracted from the rumours of his feelings for his fellow teacher. 

As usual, Castiel joins him for the journey. Luckily, none of their students seem to be around when they get into the car. 

Once they leave the school parking lot, Dean breathes a sigh of relief. He can just be himself now, and not worry about what other people are thinking. 

The two men sit in silence for a few moments. Dean’s eyes are on the road ahead. Driving always calms him. 

“Dean, can I ask you something?” 

“Think you just did, Cas,” Dean smirks, not taking his eyes from the road. 

“You’re hilarious,” Castiel replies. Dean sees him roll his eyes from the corner of his own. His smirk just gets bigger. 

“I’ve been hearing some things around school recently,” Cas says, his voice changing to a more serious tone. “And, I just wanted to ask. Do you have a crush on me?”

It’s silent in the car for a few moments until Dean is the first to crack. 

He lets out a loud bark of laughter. “I can’t believe you managed to say that with a straight face.” He chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. 

The car pulls into the driveway of a modest two-storey house. Dean cuts the engine and turns to Cas. 

The other man is quietly laughing too. He looks quite amused with himself. He is honestly such a dork, Dean thinks.

But then his face turns serious again. “You didn’t answer my question. Do you have a crush on me?” He asks again. 

Dean thinks for a minute, taking in the man sitting in front of him. “Do I have a crush on my best friend, and husband of thirteen years? Yeah, I guess I do.”

Dean gives Cas a teasing smile and leans across the passenger seat to bring his husband into a smiling kiss. 

*  *  *

Later that evening, Dean and Castiel are laying together in their bed. Only a lamp on the nightstand lights the room, letting out a relaxing glow. 

Castiel reaches out to let Dean cuddle up to him. Dean rests his head on Castiel’s chest. He plays with the fingers on Castiel’s left hand. Castiel lets him and goes with the movement when Dean turns his hand over to reveal the small ‘18’ tattooed on the underside of his ring finger. 

They’d met on September 18th in their junior year of high school. From that day, Castiel had been Dean’s first and only crush. 

Castiel and Jimmy had just transferred from their old school. It was some old-fashioned super religious school but some bad shit had gone down and the school had to close. Dean’s school had been the next best thing according to Castiel's overbearing, church-going, Jesus devotee parents. 

Dean and Castiel became inseparable by the time it came for them to graduate. By then, everyone knew they were together but they didn’t care. The honeymoon phase never seemed to end for them. 

For obvious reasons, Castiel’s parents were the only ones who had never found out about their relationship. Given what they thought about anyone who wasn’t straight, the boys thought it was safer to keep it from them. They didn’t know what they might try to do to Castiel if they found out. 

The day after their graduation, Dean had packed up his car and they ran away. They went to college in another state and never looked back. Castiel had left his parents a note explaining everything and telling them not to try and contact him - though Castiel didn’t think they’d want to after they’d found out he was gay. 

Dean’s family knew where they’d gone (they’d always been supportive of their relationship since the beginning). They welcomed Castiel into their family and treated him like their own. They’d visit the boys for the holidays and eventually, once Dean’s brother, Sam, finished high school, they all moved to be closer to their boys. 

Castiel had felt guilty for years for leaving his brother but in their second year of college, Jimmy tracked Castiel down and told him he’d left too. (Turns out he’d got his high school girlfriend, Amelia, pregnant and their parents didn’t take kindly to it happening out of wedlock.) 

Dean and Castiel got married while they were still in college. Most people would warn them against getting married so young but their family knew they weren’t being naive. They were it for each other. 

They had a small ceremony on the anniversary of their first meeting. Sam and Jimmy had been best men and two-year-old Claire was their flower girl. (Despite what her attitude now might make you think, she was an adorable toddler who stole the show with her adorable presence.) 

Over the years, they’d kept their marriage on the down low. Castiel was a little paranoid that his parents would somehow find them and try to take him away from Dean and their family. They had a lot of connections and Castiel wouldn’t put it past them to use those connections to find him. 

So, when they both became teachers and ended up working at the same high school, Castiel had asked Dean if he could be called Mr Novak so as not to draw attention to them. (Same sex marriage might be legal now but it would still turn heads to have two husbands teaching at the same school, which was the kind of thing Castiel wanted to avoid.) Dean had agreed, he just wanted his husband to feel safe. They still went home together at the end of the day and that’s all that mattered to him. 

But it is that exact act which has led them to where they are now. 

“Dean,” Castiel speaks into his husband’s hair. “I think it’s time to tell everyone the truth.” 

Dean turns to sit up properly and look at Castiel. 

“Are you sure? We don’t have to. I know you love and I sure as shit love you,” he reassures Cas. “Plus, it’s only your teacher name that’s still ‘Novak’. Legally, you’re a Winchester,” he smiles. 

“I know, but I want to be honest with our coworkers and students too.” Castiel explains. “And maybe I want to show them that you’re not the only one with a crush,” he teases. 

“Awesome.” Dean beams. “We don’t have to make a big deal out of it anyways. We’ll just start wearing our rings tomorrow and they’ll figure it out.” 

Castiel nods in agreement. 

Dean could just burst with happiness. He’d finally be able to show Castiel off like he’s always wanted to. 

Currently, his wedding ring sat against his chest on a silver chain under his shirt. Castiel keeps his safely tucked away, only taking it out for special family occasions (hence why he got the tattoo - as a more subtle and personal token of his love for Dean). Dean couldn’t wait to feel the weight of the ring on his finger every day. And knowing Castiel would be walking around with his matching one makes Dean smile like a love-sick dork.

Suddenly feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve, Dean settles down into the sheets again, eagerly awaiting sleep to take him so it could hurry up and be morning. 

He’s just drifting into sleep when Castiel’s voice whispers against his ear. 

“Dean?”

Dean hums, not mustering the energy to turn over and face his husband. 

“Not that I’m not happy that it gave me the perspective to stop being scared, but where did the rumours of you having a crush on me come from anyway?”

Trust Cas to think of the semantics just as Dean is trying to sleep. 

Dean only has one word. 

“Claire.”

Castiel sighs. “I should have known. I’ll talk to her.”

Dean finally turns to look at Cas in the eyes. Green meets blue. “Don’t sweat it, babe,” he smiles. “She’s just teasing like all teenagers do. She would never actually tell anyone anything we’re not comfortable with.” 

Castiel shrugs and nods his head in silent agreement. 

“I’ll just get her back when we go to your brother’s for dinner on Sunday.” Dean yawns, cheekily. 

Castiel rolls his eyes. The joking rivalry between Dean and their niece never seems to end. 

Dean smirks and leans over to kiss Castiel. “Goodnight, Mr Winchester.”

“Good night, Dean.” 

*  *  *

The next morning, Dean walks into his home room class and begins the regular formalities of the morning. 

Claire walks in late a few minutes later. She says nothing to Dean until she sits down at her desk, puts her feet up on the table, and says in a nonchalant manner, “Nice ring, Mr Winchester.” 

The rest of the class look to Dean’s hand. Sure enough there’s a silver band on his left hand that hadn’t been there the day before. 

“I just saw a matching one on my uncle’s hand when I handed in my history project. Isn’t that a funny coincidence?” She smirks as the rest of the students’ mouths drop open. Dean’s known Claire long enough to know that it’s a smirk of love though. 

The news of his and Castiel’s marriage (and Castiel’s new teacher name) reaches his freshman class by second period. He should have known it wouldn’t take long. 

-

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it Mae! 

If you liked what you saw, REBLOG! and consider reserving a prompt from my ‘30 Destiel Prompts’ challenge, or just send me your own prompt you’d like me to fill! 

-

TAGS: @eccentriccas @starrynightdeancas @credentiast @imbiowaresbitch @starclaire @cockleslovesdestiel @bend-me-shape-me @destielfactory @dea-stiel @wendeano @wingsandimpalas @aggressivedean @flowersforcas @chill-legilimens @pancakesofthelord @saltnhalo @caslikescoffeeandfreckles @assbuttboyfriends @jhoomwrites @breathingdestiel @simplymisha @thekingslover 

(once again tagging my faves, let me you if you’d like to be removed from future fics - or added if you’re not already there!)

Fanfiction Masterlist

911 Lone Star

Everything Has Changed - The first time TK went to his dad and mentioned wanting to propose, it hadn't gone over well. But this time things were different. Carlos was his forever and everyone around them knew that. Deciding to make it official, TK surprises Carlos with a night at the field they first went to during the solar flair.

As a friend? Or as a husband? - TK wakes Carlos up around 4 in the morning with one very important question on his mind.

"Do you like me?”

“TK, I married you."

"Yes but, would you say you married me as a friend or a husband?"

How can I breathe without you? - After TK receives an unexpected phone call about his mom, it starts to feel like he can't breathe. Then it hits him about all the moments his mom won't be around for in his future. But throughout it all, Carlos is by his side promising to help him learn again how to breathe. No matter what happens in their future.

Loving him was red. - TK had once told Carlos that he felt his world was gray. After that, Carlos was determined to bring the color back to his life. Carlo had never felt the world quite as gray as TK had, but there were comments in his life when he felt other colors. When he felt blue, gray and red.

Like I could finally breathe. - After waking up from his coma, TK goes home to the loft with Carlos. One day he wakes up from a nightmare, everything that had happened to him finally catching up with him. Carlos does his best to reassure his boyfriend that he's not alone and that nightmares can't hurt him.

The Conjuring

Two Is Better Than One - While on a case one day, Lorraine suddenly faints and ends up waking up in the hospital. Once there, with her husband by her side, they both get some pretty unexpected.. but exciting news.

Forever & Always - What about if after the heart attack, Ed refuses to take it easy and just goes on like usual despite Lorraine telling him to rest, and he only listens when he overexerts himself. Though he’d probably deny it or just pout all day long.

Perfectly Imperfect -  Lorraine’s perspective on her relationship with Ed through her own eyes. From the time they first met, to where it ended at the end of “The Conjuring 3.” It’s a lot of the little details we didn’t get to see, told through her and her view on their relationship.

When the stars come out tonight - Ed surprises Lorraine with a late-night drive to an open field, where they spend time watching the stars in the night sky, enjoying each others company and just being with each other. No demons, no stress, just each-other.

Untouchable - While taking part in a media interview, one of the other guests manages to insult both Ed and Lorraine, causing Ed to come to his wife's defence. Luckily, she knows how to tell when he's upset and how to calm him down. (And yes, she does.)

Supernatural

Falling, Fallen - Married Dean and Cas celebrate New Years together, even with Castiel falling asleep way before midnight.

Valentines and Angels - Sent out on a hunt by Sam and Eileen just a few days before Valentine's day, a rain-storm causes Dean and Castiel to have to pull off the road for the night and find themselves at the closest motel possible. What started off as a simple storm, turns into an overnight stay at the motel, leading to feelings, confessions and a happy ending.

Slime flies when it's 3 am - Dean wakes up at 3 am to loud noise from inside the bunker. Going to investigate, rather than a demon, he finds Castiel and Jack, deciding to create their own slime. Rather than argue with them, Dean decides to join them. Basically, it's slime and fluff.

Angel with a Shotgun - Based on the song "Angel with a Shotgun", it's a deeper look into the mind and soul of our favourite trench coat angel, Castiel.

Young Royals

Like a missing puzzle piece - Wilhelm, deciding he can't avoid his family any longer, finally comes from school for a weekend. After a less then warm welcome home from his parents, Wilhelm locks himself away in his bedroom, only opening the door to a familiar knock, his brother wanting to talk. Letting his brother in, they finally get to talk and Erik gets to support his brother, finding out about his relationship in the process.

King Of My Heart - After being outed online by August, Wilhelm goes to confront his cousin, wanting to know exactly why August did what he did. While he's confronting him, Wilhelm ends up finding out one of August's biggest secrets, one of the reasons why he was so willing to ruin everything Wilhelm currently had. After finding out the news, he knows he needs to find Simon, giving them a chance to talk and decide what to do together. Once they've come to a decision, both of them confront August one last time, giving them both the chance to set their record straight.

Red White and Royal Blue

The Other Side Of The Door - Arthur Fox went missing in 2015.

In 2020, he managed to find his way back home. But what happened to him for those 5 years that he was gone? This fic is an AU where Arthur doesn't die like canon, instead, he goes missing for years and eventually comes back to Catherine. By doing so, he finds out everything he missed during the years he was gone and asks the question if Catherine ever moved on while he was gone and if things truly changed between them.

Tell me a secret? - The one where Alex finds out Henry used to write Wolfstar fanfiction and Henry is embarrassed he ever found out about it.

All Too Well (Henry’s Version) - A rewrite of the fight scene between Henry and Phillip in the kitchen, based on the scene from the book. I wanted to make it have a little more angst, and this time it’s from Henry’s POV.

Reminders That I Love You - Chapter 3

“Don’t be a brat.” Cas tugged his hair again. It was harder this time and lasted until a small moan escaped Dean’s lips. Then the contact was gone. Damn. He usually had more control than that. But they had been very busy, and angry with each other, lately. This was a welcome change of pace.

“Anyway, I believe in you.” Cas grinned. “Now be quiet, I need to concentrate on my work.”    

Also available on AO3

Word count: 4916 (story total: 7603)

Chapter 3/3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 

When Cas returned, Dean laid naked in the middle of the bed, legs spread and hands beneath his head. He grinned up at his boyfriend who stopped in the doorway for a while, just starring at him.

“See something you like?” Dean asked, letting his tongue dart over his bottom lip for good measure.

“Yes, you’re very beautiful Dean,” Cas replied matter-of-factly. Then he walked closer, keeping his eyes plastered to the man on the bed the entire time. “And you’re being very good for me.”    

“Not like you asked me to do anything complicated.” Dean looked away, lightly biting his lip. He wanted to be good, especially after the evening they had, but he had to earn it.

“The complexity of the task does not dictate how pleased I am when you succeed,” Cas said sternly as he sat down on the bed, leaning over the other man. “Some days I want you to prove just how good you can be for me. Today is not about that. For now, I want to remind you how wonderful you always are to me Dean. Even when you don’t see your own worth.”  

“What if I want, or need, to prove that I can be good for you?” His voice was small even to his own ears, but it needed to be said.

“Then that’s for another day.”

“But-”

“No,” Cas said firmly. “On Saturday I will have you collared on your knees with my cock in your mouth while I research my next paper, but I have a different plan for tonight. Are you going to be a brat and question my decisions, or will you be still and obedient like my good boy ought to?”

Dean swallowed hard, but kept his lips closed. Saturday could not come soon enough. But Cas knew what he needed, and what he could take. If he said that this wasn’t the day for proper play, then he was right. Of course he was. Dean looked up, meeting the others gaze and held it until his boyfriend smiled.

“Good,” Cas said. He ran one hand through Dean’s hair, tugging slightly before letting go. Dean leaned into the touch, whimpering slightly as it disappeared. “Remember these?” Cas pulled a bunch of pens out of his pocket. Except, these weren’t normal pens. They were the temporary tattoo markers they had bought for when Claire was desperate to draw on them. Cas had insisted that they were better for their skin than regular pens, and their niece was overjoyed with the vibrant colors that were much easier to cover their arms with.

“I remember,” Dean replied. How could he not? The guys at work always commented on his wonderful new tattoos whenever Claire had spent an artistic weekend at their place. They were rather hard to wash off too. Not that he really minded that part, it was usually a nice reminder of a good family weekend.

“I presumed you would. Now you’re going to lay back, relax, and stay as still as possible, while I cover your skin in all the reasons I love you.”

“Kinda hard both to relax and stay still,” Dean said. Mostly just to say something back to that declaration.

“Don’t be a brat.” Cas tugged his hair again. It was harder this time and lasted until a small moan escaped Dean’s lips. Then the contact was gone. Damn. He usually had more control than that. But they had been very busy, and angry with each other, lately. This was a welcome change of pace.

“Anyway, I believe in you.” Cas grinned. “Now be quiet, I need to concentrate on my work.”    

Dean took a few deep breaths, relaxing into the mattress as well as he could. Meanwhile, his boyfriend’s big hands ran down his chest, barely grazing his nipples, down his stomach and up his sides. He whimpered again, pushing up into the touch. Why had he denied himself this closeness for so long? Those hands on him were better than almost any sensations. Perhaps except for those fingers in him.

“So beautiful,” Cas said, leaving a small kiss slightly under his left nipple. It was followed by the familiar sensation of the marker on Dean’s skin. Familiar, but still different than when their niece was ‘making him pretty’ as she liked to call it. Cas’ hand seemed surer and less hesitant than Claire often was. And the skin of his sides and stomach was more sensitive than his arms and calves, which were usually the body parts decorated. As the pen stopped its motion, Dean looked down his body. Sure enough, the word beautiful was written in red over one of his ribs.

“Incredibly kind.” Cas left a kiss under the first word, then wrote with a new pen over that same spot. Soon the word kind shone out in orange letters.

“You’re so good with Claire, Madison and little Bobby. The best uncle and godfather anyone could wish for.” Another scribble over his skin. Dean focused on keeping his breathing even so as not to disrupt the others work. When he looked down again, amazing uncle, was written in bright yellow.

Another kiss, halfway down his side, then. “You’re so open and accepting of everyone who need it. I’ve never seen you judge anyone for anything other than being hateful assholes. And those people always deserve it.” The pen moved over his skin once more. As it stopped, Cas moved his hand to squeeze his hip lightly. Dean squinted at the newest word. It looked like it said accepting in deep green letters.

“Dude, are you making my stomach into a fucking rainbow?” Dean asked incredulously, while his boyfriend put down the green marker in favor of a blue one.

“Why are you surprised by this? I make everything into rainbows.” That much was true. After years of hiding his sexuality from overly religious parents, Cas had put all that repressed energy into buying and creating rainbow colored-everything. There were at least seven different flags, and far too many t-shirts. They had rainbow-colored throw pillows in many different designs, and a shower curtain decorated with a tree with rainbow leaves. There were rainbow coasters, cups, water bottles, and at least fifty different buttons and stickers. Everything Cas painted these days were either rainbow inspired, bees, flowers, or, somehow, all of the above. Dean had barely kept him from hanging up rainbow curtains in their living room. That shit was just tacky, and therefore banished to Cas’ office. The office that contained a stuffed rainbow unicorn next to the stuffed bee on top of the bookshelf. Not to mention the queer section of that bookshelf that had the books sorted by rainbow colors. So okay, this was not actually surprising. Still though…

“Don’t mean you have to make me into one.”

“Why does it bother you more that I’m writing in color that that I’m doing it in the first place? You seem to have your priorities mixed up sweetheart.”

“I dunno… It’s just real obvious is all.” That was a bad excuse. He was aware of that. It just felt different in all these colors than it would have otherwise. Even so, his boyfriend was right. It didn’t actually matter. So why’d it feel like a big deal?

“It’s not like anyone else is going to see you this way. Right Dean?”

“Of course not.” It was far too cold for him to go shirtless anywhere other than inside their house. And even during summer, he preferred to wear at least a t-shirt. Only Cas got to see him shirtless for long periods of time.

“Then why does it matter? I like you like this.”

“I dunno.” Dean looked away, biting lightly at his lip. It was hard to argue his point when he didn’t actually have any reasoning, and Cas was all cold logic. The rainbow thing wasn’t a problem either. Not really. He was just caught off guard was all. But there was no way he could admit that now.

“Do you know what I think?” Cas moved so his knees where on the other side of the other’s hips, rested his hands next to Dean’s head, and leant down so their faces were mere inches apart. “I think you’re trying to rile me up. I think you’re being difficult on purpose. This,” he ran his right hand down Dean’s side, stroking over the words, “doesn’t actually bother you. You’re just clinging to the only argument you could find because affectionate words make you uncomfortable. Perhaps you’re even angling for a punishment?”

Dean whimpered lightly at that. Trust his boyfriend to psychoanalyze him in a situation like this. As if they didn’t have better things to do than trying to get to the bottom of his issues. His fear of intimacy as both Cas and Charlie was so fond of calling it. This was not the time.

“Is that it Dean? Are you trying to make me be rough with you because that’s easier to deal with? Would you rather have me spank you till you’re a writhing mess or perhaps slap you hard enough that you’ll feel it for days?”

“Please.” He wasn’t sure what he was asking for, but his boyfriend seemed to have enough ideas of his own. As long as Cas gave him something.

“Too bad really, that I already told you we’re not doing that tonight.”

“Cas. Please.”

“I’m not changing my plans just because you’re being a brat,” Cas almost growled. “However, I can’t let that kind of behavior go completely unchecked either.”

“Please.” Dean repeated. By now it could be called pleading, almost begging. His boyfriend usually liked that, was more likely to fulfill his wishes when he asked nicely. But it didn’t seem like he was budging this time. His expression was blank, not betraying any of his thoughts. Would whatever he was planning be good or bad? Well, it was always good with Cas, but sometimes that also meant torturous. Then again, that was often the best of all.  

Cas suddenly sat up until he was kneeling over him. Then he ran his hands slowly down the other’s shoulders and chest, stopping to pay extra attention to his nipples. Dean swallowed the groan that wanted to erupt as both his nipples were pinched hard.

“Don’t be quiet on my account,” Cas said, pinching even harder. Then he let go off the left one, only to bend down and bite it. Dean moaned, arching his back into the pleasure-pain sensation.

“There you go. Keep making those pretty sounds for me,” Cas grinned down at him before leaning in to capture his lips in a rough kiss. Dean quickly opened up for him, allowing his boyfriend to dominate his mouth completely. As the kiss broke off, Cas moved so sit next to him on the bed again, one hand resting comfortingly on his stomach. Dean put weight on his elbows, wanting to follow, but one sharp look from the other man made him rest back onto the bed. That earned him a soft smile and a gentle hand playing with his hair.

“Touch yourself for me,” Cas said, giving a significant gaze down to the others cock, then back up to his eyes. Dean starred at him for a moment before he followed the order, slowly jacking himself off. This seemed too simple. Was this evening really all about pleasure? And affection or whatever?

“Faster. Put some effort into it.”

Dean fastened his grip and speed his movement to a pace that would have him desperate in no time.

“Good boy,” Cas murmured into his ear. “Tell me when you’re close.”

Oh. Of course. Dean closed his eyes, jerking himself in all the ways he enjoyed the most. Firm grip. Fast movements. A twist of his wrist on every third or fourth upstroke. Pausing for a moment to run his thumb over the slit, coaxing more pre-cum to ease his movements. He was hurdling steadily towards an orgasm, feeling his boyfriend’s heavy gaze on him the entire time.

“’M close,” he moaned out.

“Stop. Hands on the bed.”

Dean quickly followed the order, breathing hard as he tried to calm down. He whimpered sightly at the receding orgasm. It was so close, but far out of his grasp.

“So good for me,” Cas murmured, then leaned down to kiss his stomach. “I love seeing you like this. So desperate to please.”

Dean smiled, relaxing further into the bed. He was still on edge, desperate for release, but it seemed somehow less important. He was pleasing Cas, and his boyfriend would surely take care of him.

A sudden feeling of a marker over his skin almost made him flinch, but he managed to stay still as not to mess up the other man’s work. Peering down, he saw his boyfriend with a blue marker in hand, obviously continuing where he had left off earlier.

“Cas? What?”

“You didn’t think I was done, did you? I already told you I wasn’t changing my plans. I don’t like leaving my projects half-finished.”

“I guess not.” It certainly had seemed like he’d changed his plans. Dean really should have known better. When Cas first made up his mind, he stuck to it. He peered down at his stomach, seeing desperate to please written under the green accepting.

“Dean. Look at me.” Cas laid a hand on his cheek and starred intently at him as their eyes met. “Indulge me in this. Let me show you affection. You deserve to be loved.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean tried to look away, but the other’s eyes were captivating, holding his gaze steady. “Indulge yourself or whatever.”

“Imprudent boy,” Cas smacked his hip lightly. “I want to worship you, just let yourself enjoy it.” With that he picked up a purple marker, putting the tip of it against the skin right above Dean’s hipbone.

“You deserve to be loved,” Cas repeated while writing what was probably the same words into the other’s skin. Dean barely suppressed a shiver as those words finally washed over him. How many times had Cas told him that by now? And how many more times had he found himself doubting it?

“Now continue touching yourself.”

Dean’s hand moved almost on autopilot, wrapping around his cock and jacking it with sure movements. He kept his eyes open this time, taking in all the emotion in his boyfriend’s eyes. No one could convey emotion through a look quite like Cas. And he was using that ability now to express all the love he insisted that Dean deserved. It was enough to make a guy believe him.

Pleasure built up within him even faster this time around. He jerked off until he was moments away from orgasm before he moaned out that he was close.

“Stop.”

His movement stilled immediately, but he clutched the base of his cock for a few deep breaths before he was calm enough to place his hand back on the bed. Perhaps even closer than Cas would have taken him if the former had been doing the touching.    

“You’re doing remarkably well.” Cas left a kiss to each of his cheeks and the tip of his nose. Dean whimpered in return, struggling to keep himself from pleading for release. He really needed to come. Preferable five minutes ago. Instead, his boyfriend took up the red marker again, and started writing on the right side of his stomach. Dean couldn’t find the energy to read the words anymore, but it was impossible to ignore the several times Cas murmured “good boy” into his skin while he kissed around the new words. In return, Dean let out an undignified sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan. He was being good.

“Yes. Good boy with his pleasing sounds.” Cas smiled down at him, while stroking over his stomach in small circles. “And you are so good to everyone Dean. You care so much. I’m in awe of the love you show to all the people around you. Such a wonderful, caring man.” There were more pen scratches and kisses against Dean’s stomach. This time he simply breathed through it, letting the words and affectionate touches wash over him.

“Not to mention the love you put into your food. Before you, I mostly ate just to sustain myself. Now I do it for pleasure as well. You taught me that through your food, you’re such an amazing cook Dean.” More writing on his skin. More fingers tracing patterns on his stomach. More kisses to his side and chest, followed by a sharp bite to one nipple. He arched into it, chasing the mouth as it moved away. His boyfriend chuckled and pushed him back down with a flat hand on the middle of his stomach.

“Touch yourself again.”

He did. With fast strokes, spurred on by the hands exploring his body. Every time Cas pinched his skin or twisted a nipple, he moaned loudly. All the touches went straight to his dick, and within a couple of minutes he was writhing on the bed, barely able to contain the orgasm.

“’M so close. Please Cas.”

“Stop. Now.”

His movements stopped, but he looked pleadingly up at the other man. “Please Cas. I can’t… I need to come.”

“Patience sweetheart. You can wait. And you will.”

Dean whimpered again, but kept his mouth shut. There was no use arguing with Cas’ decisions. He had made that mistake in a similar position once before. That night he was not allowed to come at all. Taking several deep breaths calmed him enough to remove his hand, and finally look up at his boyfriend once more.

“Good boy. Now, where were we?” Cas looked down at his writing, tracing the words with a gentle finger. At that point, even the small gesture was enough to push Dean towards the edge. He shook with self-restraint, clutching the sheets hard and focusing on his breathing.

“Oh yes,” Cas continued in an even voice. “You, Dean Winchester, is one of the most selfless people I have ever met. You give so much of yourself to others. You say yes to helping out whenever the chance occurs, with no regard for how it will affect you. Every fiber of your being seems determined to change the world for the better. Your selflessness was one of the first things I noticed about you.”

“You’re way too articulate,” Dean half-moaned, earning him another chuckle. Then the pen was back, tracing over his skin. Followed by warm lips, copying the pattern of the letters. Every point of contact sent tingles through his already over-sensitive body, forcing small sounds of out him.

“You keep me grounded and sane. I’ve spent so much of my life with my head in the clouds, not really wanting to partake in the world around me. You changed that by showing me how good reality can be. I want to experience real life with you Dean.”

The statement was followed by more pen scratches, then kisses to his stomach, up his chest, and then peppering his face. Dean whimpered, lifting one hand to clutch at the others arm. A tear found his its way down his cheek, but was soon kissed away. It was all too much.

“Shhhh, just one more thing now,” Cas murmured into his skin. “You are doing so well for me.” Their lips met in a long, soft kiss that swallowed all the sounds coming out of Dean’s throat. Then Cas moved to write a last word on his stomach with slow, steady movement. As the pen disappeared, one hand traced all the words on his torso while his boyfriend left three small kisses to his stomach, chest, and forehead.

“Do you want to know what it says?” Cas asked, his lips curling into a smirk. Dean inclined his head in a way that was meant to be a nod. Apparently it was enough, as his boyfriend continued. “It says excellent cocksucker. The things you do with your mouth are downright sinful.” Dean almost chocked on air at those words, and his lips fell open of their own accord. Cas took the opportunity to push two long fingers into his mouth.

“Suck.” That was a command he didn’t really need. Closing his lips around anything Cas put between them was second nature by now. His boyfriend had a borderline obsession with that part of his body. Not that Dean would ever complain. It fit perfectly with his own love of having his mouth filled. Oral fixation Cas sometimes called it, his voice always filled with awe or deep pleasure. “Now touch yourself.”

He was slower to follow the command this time, more focused on the fingers pushing slowly in and out of his mouth. Even so, his entire body lit up with pleasure as his hand wrapped around his dick. It only took a few pumps before he was back on edge again. Cas was tugging at his hair and moving his fingers steadily faster and harder into his mouth. Dean almost gagged a few times, but forced himself to relax. The pleased expression on his boyfriend’s face was more than worth it. Pleasure built with every jerk of his hand, and every movement of Cas’ fingers. He was hurdling towards an orgasm, and this time it didn’t feel like he could stop. Moaning around the fingers, he tried to say that he was close, but it came out as a garbled mess. Fuck. He was so close, but he didn’t have permission to come. And he didn’t have permission to stop jerking off. Starring up, he tried to convey his desperation, tried to plead with his eyes. It was hard to focus on anything else than delaying his orgasm, the world seeming hazy around him. As such, he didn’t notice Cas’ face coming closer until a dark voice whispered into his ear.

“Come for me Dean.”

Two more jerks of his hand and he did just that. The orgasm tore through him, almost making him black out. His whole body convulsed in pleasure as cum coated his stomach. It was so good. Cas always made it better than he managed by himself. Even when he technically was doing all the work himself. He kept jerking in slow movements, drawing out the orgasm while he slowly came back to himself. Soon he grew oversensitive, but kept up the movement until strong fingers wrapped around his own and dragged his hand away. He sighed in relief and pure exhaustion, blinking up at the man above him.

“Hello Dean,” Cas murmured with a pleased smile. “You did perfectly for me.” Dean blushed at that, looking away. That only earned him slightly annoyed sound from the man above him before his face was peppered with kisses. “One day you will believe my praise.”

“One day yeah. Maybe.”

“You will. I intend to remind you of it as often as necessary until you do.” The statement was followed up with more soft kisses to Dean’s face, and a hand carting through his hair. Sighing contently, he leaned into that touch. This was, possibly, his favorite part. Cas was always so affectionate after sex. All soft touches and endless skin-to-skin contact. And like this, during the afterglow, Dean allowed himself to drown in it. Except, they weren’t both basking in the afterglow. With more effort than he was ready to admit, he lifted a hand up to Cas’ hip, squeezing lightly.

“Want me to get you off too?” He asked with a grin, eyes slowly drifting down the others body.

“Not tonight. I already got all I wanted.” He did this every once in a while. Actually, he did it rather often. As if he got more pleasure from getting Dean off than actually having an orgasm of his own. It wasn’t anything Dean could pretend like he understood, but Cas surely knew his own wants best. He was certainly direct enough about shoving his cock down the others throat when he felt like it.

“You’re sure?” Dean met the other’s gaze again, searching for any shred of indecision there.

“Yes Dean. I just wanted to watch you come apart. I might, however, fuck you in the morning.”

“Yeah. Okay. Awesome.” He grinned again, probably looking dopey as hell, as he relaxed back into the bed again. This time determined to stay put. Everything was right with the world again. Well, except for the rapidly drying pool of cum on his stomach, but that was a problem for future-Dean. That guy had energy for all sorts of things.

“I’ll get a washcloth,” Cas said as he stood up from the bed. Because he was freaking perfect. Dean told him as much, causing a fond smile to appear on his boyfriend’s face. Cas’ hand found his, giving one last squeeze as he started to turn away. Pain flared from Dean’s knuckles at the contact, making him flinch. His boyfriend froze at that, starring down at him.

“Dean? What?” Cas dragged his hand close, inspecting the tender area closely. His face turned from confused to worried, eyes scrunching up in familiar fashion. Dean looked at the hand as well. Now that they gave it attention, it was obvious that it was red and slightly swollen. A miracle that it hadn’t been noticed before. “Dean what happened?”

“Umm… I got into a fight with the shower wall.” The last thing he needed was for his boyfriend to blame this on himself. Sure, it happened because Dean was angry about their fight, but that was on him. Neither of them needed Cas to deal with any misplaced guilt over that.

“You got into a fight with the shower wall,” Cas repeated slowly.

“Not my finest moment.”

“Dean,” Cas sighed. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“I know.”

“You can’t hurt yourself just because we fight.”

“I know.”

“Next time you decided to fight an inanimate object, please make it a verbal match. That one you at least have a chance to win.”

“That’s uncalled for.” Dean tried to scold his face into annoyed, but couldn’t keep a smile from breaking out. Apparently Cas was not in a lecturing, or self-hating, mood. This was going much better than expected.

“You know I’m right.” Cas smiled lightly, then looked more serious again. “Does it hurt?”

“Nothing I can’t handle man.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah. A bit.”

“Okay.” Cas nodded solemnly, then put his hand down and turned towards the door. “Wait here.” With that, he left the room, leaving Dean to study his knuckles. They didn’t look that bad really. He’d damaged them much worse on several occasions, but he’d mostly outgrown that part of his life. That was a teenage and early-to-mid-twenties thing. Which was probably why they looked more painful than they really should, they were no longer hardened by abuse. Or maybe he’d just hit that wall harder than intended. He shook his head lightly and laid the hands back on the bed. It didn’t matter now anyway. With a yawn, he closed his eyes, making himself more comfortable.

He was almost asleep when Cas returned, so he just grunted noncommittedly as a greeting. Sleep seemed more important than anything. Until a bag of freaking ice was dropped on his knuckle. His eyes flew open, and he starred down at the offending item. His boyfriend gave him an amused glance as he placed an ice bag on his other knuckle as well. Okay, they weren’t actually ice bags. When Dean looked closer, he saw they it was frozen peas partly packed into a dish towel. That didn’t change the fact that they felt like big bags of ice.

“Why?” He grunted, giving the pea bags a dirty look.

“Because you refuse to take care of yourself, so someone has to.” He couldn’t exactly argue with that. Instead he sighed, watching as Cas took a warm washcloth to his stomach, wiping off all the dried cum.

“You’re really confusing my senses here.”

“Sorry sweetheart.” Cas gave him a quick kiss to his forehead, before throwing the washcloth towards a corner, turning off the light, and getting into bed. Moving around with the freaking pea bags was complicated, but his boyfriend was efficient as always when cuddling was involved. Soon their legs were tangled, a comforter pulled over them, and Cas had an arm around his waist and head resting between his chest and shoulder.

“I’m glad you came back,” Dean murmured into the darkness, half-hoping the other wouldn’t hear him. Of course, he had no such luck.

“Me too. And Dean?”

He hummed lightly in response.

“I promise to be better at reminding you how much I love you. Maybe even stop walking out every time our fights get too intense. But you have to stop pushing me away.”

“Yeah I…. Fuck, I’m sorry Cas. I’ll do my best.” He took a deep breath, starring into the darkness of the room. “And I love you too. You know that, right?”

“I do. Most of the time.”

“Well I love you all the time,” Dean insisted, then gave his boyfriend an awkwardly placed kiss on his forehead. It seemed like he had to get better at those reminders too. He looked into nothing for several long minutes while Cas’ breathing turned heavy, soon making way for soft snores. Shaking off one of the pea bags, Dean circled an arm around his boyfriend, holding him close as sleep finally took him as well.

Dean Winchester’s Lonely Ex-Boyfriend Club (AO3) 

​Description: Ficlet. Dean and Cas are getting married! Pretty much everyone they ever met is attending, and that includes exes - some react more maturely than others. Inspired by all the headcanons I have seen about Benny and Crowley at the wedding. Some background about Dean/Benny in Purgatory, bitter Crowley, implied wedding hookups, and of course some cute Dean/Cas fluff.

“So… finally settling down with that angel of yours now, are you?” Benny teased in his soft voice, leaning on the bar.

Dean took a swig of his perfectly ice-cold heaven beer and looked over his shoulder with a fond smile at Cas, who was dancing wildly with Charlie and Gabriel, margarita in hand and wearing approximately half a button up shirt.

“Looks like it,” Dean sighed proudly and shook his head at how unbelievably lucky he was (now that he thought about it, how unbelievably sappy he was too). He huffed a short laugh through his nose at his damn happy self and took another sip of his drink.

Benny appraised him thoughtfully. “Well, you sure look happy.”

Dean nodded and tucked his chin down sheepishly, eyes crinkling. “You know, I really am, man. I really am.”

It was surreal how happy he was, actually - totally foreign and amazing. It wasn’t like he never had a happy moment before in his life, he’d had several, but there was always this voice in the back of his head saying ‘this is only temporary’ and ‘you’ll lose this - probably sooner rather than later.’ But that little voice was gone now. For the first time, Dean was truly at peace. Like some kind of zen master, appreciating every god damn second of his hopeful eternity. There was some real hippie shit going on inside of him right now.

“It was a long freakin’ road getting here,” Dean continued, lost in his own amazement, completely starry-eyed. “I mean, you were there for part of it, so you have some idea. But I never thought… I mean, damn…"

Benny’s signature smirk didn’t waver, but there was a sadness in it too. “And here I thought you were lovesick before, mate,” he joked.

“Oh, shut up,” Dean smiled back, actually having to fight off a blush thinking back to all those times Benny teased him about his affections for Cas back in purgatory - affections which Dean vehemently denied at the time (kinda hard to do when you're crying out a dude's name in your sleep every damn night).

Dean took another large swig of beer, as Benny’s gaze intensified over him - humor and a hint of soulful longing. Exes at the wedding, man… awkward.

But Benny was family, who earned his spot in Dean’s life and his invite to the wedding… just as much as any other guest; more than some of the other guests actually. Like Crowley, for example who was nursing a tumbler of whisky a couple seats over.

If it wasn’t for Benny fighting by his side so loyally as a trusted friend, through the muck and the dark, Dean might never have found Cas in purgatory.

And if Dean was being completely honest with himself (which he was trying to make a habit of, nowadays), Benny helped him in more ways than one. Turns out Dean had needed a big strong vamp with an accent to lead him into some no-strings-attached temptation in purgatory. Under pretense, of course, to maintain plausible deniability.

'Come on boy, we've both got needs and we're not exactly flush with options in this wasteland.’

'We gotta let off some steam every now and again if we wanna stay sharp.’

'What happens in purgatory, stays in purgatory.'

‘Nothing to be ashamed of, love. And don't worry, I won't bite. Unless you ask nicely.’

Apparently, Dean needed that nudge to help him let go of some of that inner shame that kept him from truly accepting that he was attracted to men. And more importantly, Cas.

It probably wasn't normal to invite your ex-vampire fuck buddy to your heaven wedding to your angel best friend, but when had his life ever been normal?

Benny was a crucial player in putting Dean on the right path, into the arms of his angel. And that was all that mattered, so Dean was grateful.

Benny’s constant teasing about Dean being in love with his ‘mysterious angel boyfriend’ made him come to terms with the fact that he had real (scary) feelings for Cas that couldn’t be denied, and made him realize (too late) that he was in love with Cas, as the portal spat him out with Cas still trapped on the other side.

Not too late, he realized suddenly, looking back over his shoulder, floored by the easy smile on his Cas's face as he spun Claire in a circle, in a clumsy imitation of swing dancing. He would have to interrupt soon and teach Cas some real swing-dancing, get some more one-on-one time with his husband.

His goddamn husband.

“I must say…" Benny interrupted Dean's thoughts before they could drift into a domestic daydream, "there were plenty of times I thought, Dean buddy, Hot-Wings clearly aint worth all this trouble,” he shook his head affectionately. “But lookin’ at you now, I figure I was wrong. Happy looks good on you, my friend.”

“Thanks, man,” Dean beamed, holding up his beer for a toast. Benny clinked their glasses together amicably.

“Oh spare me,” Crowley grumbled next to them. “If I have to hear one more heartfelt expression of love and respect, I might just puke all over this cute little reception.”

They both collectively ignored him. Crowley took this as a signal to down the rest of his drink and order a refill with a demanding snap of his fingers.

"Your angel better treat you right," Benny said, politely flagging for a refill of his own.

"No doubts about that," Dean assured.

Suddenly, Cas was at his side, tugging at his sleeve. "Dean!" Cas enthused. Instinctively, Dean tucked him closer into his side and gazed lovingly down at Cas and his endearingly excited expression. "Claire is setting up something called 'limbo' - the dance, not the metaphysical plane. I'm not exactly sure what it entails but I am told it is a tradition."

"Damn right, it's a tradition!" Dean grinned. He couldn't wait to watch Cas do the limbo. Oh, and they had to do conga line at some point. There were still so many human things he wanted to show Cas. A lifetime of things. "Wish my knees weren't so fucked. The limbo's one of the rare things I completely suck at."

Cas cocked his head and squinted his eyes, in the most beautifully Cas way. "This is heaven, Dean. You no longer have any physical ailments or limitations."

Dean pondered that for half a second. "Well, in that case…" he pulled Cas in closer and placed a kiss beneath his ear. Cas melted into him and Dean couldn't wait to get him alone after the festivities, their honeymoon could last for eternity if they so desired. "Might as well take these bad boys for a test drive."

Dean, blissfully happy, dragged his equally blissful husband to the dancefloor, completely forgetting his manners and leaving Benny chuckling at the bar without so much as a 'see you around'.

"Typical, is it not?" Crowley drawled, swirling his drink. "Fool takes one look at that bloody angel and disappears."

"I hate to tell you this, pal," Benny said, sauntering into Crowley's space. "But the jealous ex at a wedding doesn't usually get much sympathy."

"I'm nobody's jealous ex!" the demon growled.

"My mistake," the vampire returned flirtatiously. "Six tequila shots for me and my new friend, please," he ordered casually, without taking his eyes off Crowley.

Crowley raised his eyebrows questioningly, looking Benny up and down with new intrigue.

Benny shrugged. "Open bar. No point sulkin' around all evening." He pushed a shot glass in front of Crowley with his knuckle. "Aren't demons supposed to be the life of the party?"

"You should know I take challenges very seriously..." Crowley threatened, a smile gracing the corner of his lips for the first time all day.

"Countin' on it."

"Well then. To being the life of the party," Crowley announced suavely, lifting the glass from the bar.

"Cheers," Benny agreed, and they downed the hatch.

If they snuck off together at any point during the evening, nobody noticed, too busy paying attention to the happy couple.

Proposal in the Produce Aisle

dean/cas fic

~2k

also posted on ao3

It all started when Dean and Cas were on a case. The woman they were questioning seemed more interested in Cas than in talking about her dead cousin, and Dean was growing increasingly more annoyed (and a little bit jealous).

He was one second away from grabbing Cas and kissing him in front of the lady, when Cas took his hand and told the woman, “Oh, by the way, this is my husband.” Which threw Dean for a loop. Because he and Cas were only dating, definitely not married. But he brushed it aside because Cas didn’t really mean it; he was only saying it to make this woman back off.

Then, the following week, Jack asked Dean, "When did you and Castiel get married?" and Dean stared at him for a solid ten seconds, waiting for the punchline. But Jack only looked back at him, perfectly serious.

“We’re not married,” Dean finally answered, slowly.

Jack frowned. “Oh. Are you going to get married?”

“I don’t—I... um...” Dean floundered, eventually settling on, “that’s none of your business!” It came out a lot more harshly than he meant it to, but Jack didn’t look offended, only confused.

He seemed about to ask another personal question, so Dean fled the room with a rambling excuse about needing to go on a milk run, they had run out of beer, he hadn’t driven Baby in a while… Married? What the hell?

“Settle something for me,” Dean said, barging into the kitchen where Sam sat.

“Fuck me,” Sam muttered into his coffee cup. He looked up at Dean. “What is it now?”

“Jack thought Cas and I were married.”

Sam stared at him blankly. “Okay.” 

“We’re not.”

“Okay,” Sam said again.

Dean threw up his hands. “Isn’t that weird? Does everyone think we’re married?”

“You do act like an old married couple.” Sam set down his coffee cup. “What’s the big deal, though?”

Dean sat across from him and buried his face in his hands. “Cas called me his husband the other day. Is this an angel thing? Maybe they don’t understand what marriage means.” He lifted his head from his hands. “Right, that’s probably it. I’ll sit them down and explain.”

“Or,” Sam suggested, “You and Cas can just get married already.”

“Not helpful.”

“Well, why not? You’ve been together for forever.”

“Why not? Because…” Dean racked his brain. “Because I don’t want to get married. I’m not going to be some old married sonuva—”

“Does Cas want to get married?”

“I don’t know! We don’t talk about this shit.”

“Well, there’s your first problem.” Sam stood and clapped Dean on the shoulder. “Looks like you and Cas need to talk.”

Again, Dean thought, not helpful. 

But Sam’s words rolled around in his head all day, and Dean couldn’t help watching Cas, trying to remember if Cas had ever shown an interest in getting married, if he’d ever dropped a hint that he wanted Dean to propose. He was pretty sure Cas had done none of those things, which should’ve been reassuring. But now there was another question gnawing at Dean: Did he want to marry Cas?

They had been together for several years; maybe marriage was the next step. And Dean couldn’t deny he’d felt a secret satisfaction hearing Cas call him his husband and having Jack assume they were married. Despite what he’d told Sam, he wasn’t that opposed to getting married. Not to the right person. And he was pretty certain he’d never find anyone more right for him than Cas.

He had to find a way to broach the subject, but he couldn’t just ask out of the blue, hey, Cas, wanna get married? He had to first determine whether marriage was even something that had ever crossed Cas’ mind. Which meant strategic, vague questioning.

He put his plan into action one night while he and Cas sat in the Dean Cave, watching Dr. Sexy, M.D. Well, he was watching Dr. Sexy. Cas was engrossed in a book about… Dean glanced at the title. Growing and Propagating Wild Flowers. Never in a million years would he have ever thought his life would come to this—dating not only an angel, but an angel interested in gardening. Even stranger, the way both of those features were now incredibly sexy to him since they made up Cas. 

Sliding closer to his angel boyfriend, he bumped their shoulders together, and, absentmindedly, Cas pulled a hand from his book and placed it on Dean’s thigh. Much as Dean now wanted to interlace their fingers, lean over and kiss the soft, warm skin under Cas’ ear, it was time to bring up the topic pinging around in his brain.

He cleared his throat, “Um, funny how the characters in this show never get married.” He glanced sideways at Cas. 

Cas shrugged, turning a page before answering. “Funny.”

Looks like he was going to have to be a little more straightforward. “You ever think Sam will get married?”

Cas looked up at him. “To Eileen?” Tilting his head, he stared off into the distance thoughtfully, then nodded. “I hope so. I think that would be good for him.”

Dean nodded and Cas looked back down at his book, conversation over. For fuck’s sake, Dean thought.

Edging closer to the truth, he said, “I always told Sam I didn’t see much point in being married. Ya know, being a hunter and all. Never saw myself settling down.” That wasn’t quite what he wanted to say. What he meant was that he’d never thought he could get married, not with the life he lived. He’d never dreamed he could be this happy. Now he’d found someone who made both of those things possible.

“I never thought much about marriage when I was in Heaven.” Cas didn’t look up from his book. “Angels don’t get married to each other.”

“Oh.” Dean looked back at the TV. Well, fuck. That said it all, didn’t it? Cas was an angel; he didn’t understand human practices like marriage. It didn’t mean anything to him. Dean didn’t know why he felt disappointed—he had his answer, and now he didn’t have to worry that Cas was secretly waiting for a proposal.

“Why all this talk about marriage?”

Dean startled. “What?” He realized Cas was studying him. “Uh, I don’t know. No reason, it was just a random thought. I hope Sam gets married too.”

“Oh,” Cas said. “Alright.” Was that disappointment in his tone? But Cas didn’t say anything else and Dean dismissed the idea.

There, he thought, we did the talking, Sam. Got everything sorted out.

***

A week later, he was pushing a cart through the grocery store, following Cas who was scanning the produce aisle for the obscure vegetables Sam had requested. 

“I think it would be much more sustainable if we grew our own produce,” Cas said, pausing to grab a head of lettuce. He scanned the row of vegetables. “Where are the rutabagas?”

“I have no idea. I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Oh, well,” Continuing down the aisle, Cas launched into an explanation of rutabagas—how they’re grown, methods of cooking—all incredibly in-depth considering he couldn’t even taste food, and Dean pushed the cart after him, finding himself paying attention even though he had never once been interested in vegetables. 

While grocery shopping was Cas’ weekly chore, Dean had taken to accompanying him, telling Sam that someone needed to keep Cas in check—the angel could spend hours at the grocery store, coming home with obscure items not on their list just because he thought they looked interesting. But, in truth, grocery shopping had become Dean’s favorite part of the week. Watching Cas compare prices, squint at the items Jack scrawled at the bottom of the list, choose between two oranges as if it was a life or death decision. He smiled now, watching Cas snatch up what Dean was assuming was a rutabaga, and triumphantly hold it in the air. 

Maybe because choosing vegetables was so decidedly banal and normal compared to their usual end-of-the-world lives, and he needed a break. Maybe because he just liked spending time with Cas outside of killing monsters and saving the world. Maybe because he just liked being with Cas.

Halting in front of a row of apples, Cas asked, “Why are there so many varieties? Do they really taste so different?”

“Um, maybe?” Dean picked up a bright red one, then dropped it back on top of the others. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever tried that many.” 

“Dean, if I could taste food, I would try everything.” Cas grabbed a produce bag. “We should get one of every kind and then you can decide which is your favorite.”

He began grabbing apples and stuffing them into the bag, continuing to talk about the garden they should plant—which would now include, apparently, an orchard of apple trees—and suddenly, it hit Dean just how in love he was with this earnest, dorky, little angel. And suddenly, I love you didn’t seem enough to express how much he wanted, needed, to have Cas by his side forever.

“Will you marry me?” Dean blurted out, interrupting Cas’ garden plans. 

Cas looked up at him, hand stretched out to grab a green apple, surprise on his face. Dean's face heated. He had never considered himself a romantic person by any means, but proposing in the produce aisle was a new low.

“You want to get married?” Cas asked slowly.

Dean nodded and realized it was true, he did very much want to marry Cas. He hadn’t been entirely sure before, but now he was completely certain. Which meant his heart was pounding as he worried Cas would say no.

“Dammit, Dean!” Cas dropped the bag of apples into the grocery cart with a bruising clang. Dean startled. Not the reaction he was expecting. “I wanted to propose to you!”

Not the answer he was expecting either.

“W-what?” he stammered.

“I didn’t think you’d want to get married, because when I called you my husband that one time you looked so shocked. And then I overheard you talking to Jack, but you were extremely cryptic about getting married one day, so I asked Sam, and he said you were wondering if I wanted to get married, so I thought maybe there was a chance, but you never brought it up. I thought I might just propose to you anyway, but now you’ve done it first!” He took a deep breath, his spiel ended, and Dean’s brain spun, trying to catch up. 

He moved aside to let someone grab a bunch of bananas. So Cas had wanted, but Dean had acted… “I thought you wouldn’t want to get married because you’re an angel.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw their fellow shopper give them an odd look.

“I live on Earth now,” Cas said. “I ride in cars and eat food. And I’m dating a human.” The shopper looked full on worried now, and she pushed her cart away hurriedly. “Why would you think marriage is where I draw the line to human practices?”

“Right,” Dean said, letting out a breath of laughter. He shook his head. “You were asking Sam? Why didn’t you just ask me if I wanted to get married?”

“Why didn’t you ask me?”

Fuck, Sam was right. “We’re shit at communicating.” 

“Yes,” Cas said, smiling. “But will you marry me?”

“You haven’t answered my proposal yet.”

“No, you first.”

“Yes,” Dean said without hesitation.

“Yes,” Cas said. Pushing the shopping cart aside, Dean grabbed him and kissed him. Absently, he thought he heard the cart bump into a display and knock something over, but he was more occupied with the way Cas was whispering “I love you” in between kisses.

“I love you too." On second thought, proposing and kissing in the produce aisle might be the most romantic thing he’d ever done.

Pulling away to look at Cas, he said, “I didn’t get you a ring, I wasn’t expecting to do this right now.”

“Me neither,” Cas said. 

“Sorry I ruined your proposal.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and smiled up at him. “This is perfect.”

Dean shook his head because somehow he’d ended up engaged to the easiest to please angel, but that thought made his chest warm. Engaged. 

He pulled Cas’ arms from around his neck, lacing their fingers together. “Come on, fiance. Let’s hurry up and get home so we can tell Sam and Jack.” Looking for their cart, he saw it had knocked down a display of salad dressings. “Oops.”

Cas snapped his fingers and, in a blink, the display was back to normal. “And so we can have engagement sex,” he clarified.

“Exactly.” Dean kissed Cas again. “And that is why I’m marrying you.”

“Because I know you too well?”

“Because you’re perfect.” 

Cas beamed at him. “You’re perfect too. Fiance,” he added.

Dean kissed Cas again, and then Cas was pushing the cart down the aisle, telling him they still had thirteen things on their list, so hurry up, and Dean couldn’t stop smiling because he was going to get married. 

“Let’s go, fiance,” Cas called.

Dean followed him. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you call me that.”

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to purgatory and back: chapter 4 (final chapter!!)

1.7k works | read it on ao3

Dean didn’t know what he felt. He felt numb. He couldn’t even bring himself to cry. Cas was gone. Again.

Dean pushed himself from the ground where he had very roughly landed only a few short minutes ago. When Cas pushed him away. When Cas left him.

Dean was roughly shaken from his racing thoughts by the soft vibrating that emanated from his forearm. Oh, shit. He’d almost forgotten about Benny.

Slicing a thin line down his arm, he released the essence that was his friend while speaking the final few lines of the incantation. Benny appeared before him again, with a telltale smirk on his face that told Dean he saw everything.

“Wanna talk about it?,” Benny said.

Dean rolled his eyes. “No.”

“Well, I am sorry that your friend didn’t make it. He was a good fighter and I know how much he meant to you.”

Dean scoffed. “You never liked him.”

“You wanna know the truth?” Benny asked, looking away from Dean, “I was jealous of him.”

“Jealous? You?”

Benny chuckled at Dean’s reaction. “You’re a special guy, Dean Winchester. Castiel is lucky to have you.”

Dean looked down, hiding the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes at the mention of Cas’ name. Benny reached out, pulling Dean into a hug. Dean understood what Benny was trying to tell him. Maybe in another life, it could have been himself and the vampire against the world. But for now… they had to go their separate ways.

Dean coughed, awkwardly breaking off the embrace. “Take care of yourself, Benny.”

“You too, Winchester.”

Benny tipped his hat to Dean and began his journey in the opposite direction. Dean could only stand and watch, unable to move.

-

It had been five weeks since Dean was forced to leave Cas behind. He finally met back up with Sam, which led to a tearful reunion and many long talks catching each other up on the past year. Dean left out the part where he fucked a literal vampire, for Sam’s sake.

Dean was doing okay. Waking up in a filthy motel bed is miles better than cold Purgatory dirt. He and Sam were working cases again, which allowed for some distraction from the ache in his chest whenever he thought of Cas.

He saw Cas everywhere. Hallucinations, or apparitions of some sort, haunting his every waking hour. He didn’t know if he was being fucked with or if his brain was truly this fucked up. The reminders of his lost friend were painful enough that Dean barely wanted to get out of bed in the morning. The only thing that kept him motivated was knowing that Cas would want him to move on.

Sam learned very soon after Dean’s reappearance that Cas was a sore subject. Dean was driving when Sam finally brought it up, trapped by his own car so that he could no longer avoid the discussion.

“What happened to Cas, Dean?”

Dean groaned. “I told you. He didn’t make it out of Purgatory.”

“Yeah, but why not? Why don’t we try to get him out?” Sam asked.

Dean slammed his palm into the steering wheel before shouting out, “Sam. Leave it.”

Sam held his hands up in surrender, turning to look out the window as they continued down the highway toward their next case.

When they finally reached the motel a painfully silent five hours later, Dean went straight to the bathroom, in part to avoid his brother but also providing him the first chance he’s had all day to brush his teeth. Indoor plumbing is something he would never take for granted again after his stint in Purgatory.

Dean leaned over the sink to splash some water in his face. He looked up and into the eyes of his own reflection but was startled when he noticed someone behind him.

No.

It couldn’t be.

He screwed his eyes shut. It’s not real. He’s not real. He opened them again. Cas was still there. Dean turned around slowly, jaw set with anticipation.

Cas was still there. Standing right in front of him.

Cas knit his eyebrows together, staring right through Dean as he tilted his head to the side. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean reached out to touch Cas, before quickly dropping his hand to his side again. “Cas? Is that really you?”

Cas stared at Dean’s fallen hand for a moment. “It’s me.”

Dean ran his hand through his hair. “I- What- I mean… how?”

“I do not know.”

Once Cas had a chance to shower and shave, he walked out of the bathroom with a flourish, showing off his clean clothing. Dean’s pants became uncomfortably tight at the sight, and he shifted in his seat in order to hide it from Cas.

After a moment of silence, Dean stood up and enveloped Cas in a hug, wrapping both arms around the angel’s broad shoulders. Cas froze, surprised by the sudden display of affection.

Dean pulled back after a moment, elated that Cas was finally home, before remembering that he was still pissed.

“Cas, why the fuck did you do that? Why the fuck did you kiss me and then ditch me for Purgatory? You could have died,” Dean said, his voice trembling with anger. “I wanted to die after I left you behind. Do you get that? I didn’t want to be on this Earth anymore if it meant you were gone.”

Sam looked between the two of them from his chair, recognizing that this was something he didn’t want to be around for. “I’m… gonna go get some dinner,” he said quickly, before letting himself out of the room.

Cas stood across from Dean, hands pressed into his thighs. The angel’s eyebrows shot up, shocked by Dean’s sudden outburst. “I did not realize my absence would impact you so severely, Dean. I apologize. If it is any consolation, I feel the same way,” Cas said, sympathy etched into his features.

Dean’s brain stuttered to a halt. Cas felt the same way? About Dean? “Cas…”

“I stayed in Purgatory because I felt like I had a debt to pay. I no longer felt like I deserved to be here, to be in your company. I wanted to prove that I have a purpose other than destruction and pain,” Cas said, sighing. “I understand now that while I have done terrible things, I can choose to do better from now on. I cannot change what I have done, but I can change the future.”

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes and firmly placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t know why I am so willing to accept that everything happens for a reason, but I am not willing to recognize that I am also here for a reason. I think my reason is you, Dean.”

Dean felt himself choke. “You-” He stuttered, “You can’t just say shit like that, Cas.”

“Why not, Dean? I have long denied myself the pleasure of telling you the truth. I no longer need to, so I plan to tell you how much you mean to me every single day, as long as I’m granted the privilege of being in your life,” Cas said, smiling like Dean himself was the one who created the entire universe. There’s something about an age-old creature that’s seen just about everything finding Dean the most fascinating individual he’s ever met. Dean felt his heart drop into his stomach at the idea.

Smiling softly, Dean rubbed the back of his neck with his palm, both in discomfort as well as the need to stop himself from reaching out to touch Cas. They’ve cuddled, they’ve kissed, but Dean still doesn’t know where they stand.

“What are we, man?,” he blurted.

Cas arched an eyebrow. “Whatever you want us to be, Dean.”

Dean let out a shaky breath at that, leaning forward into Cas’ space. He reached out slowly, pressing both hands into Cas’ forearms, then his biceps, before making his way up to cup Cas’ face gently. Cas followed suit, surrounding Dean’s fingers with his own. Dean watched as Cas’ lips fell open, cataloguing every movement of the angel’s face. Last time, Dean was caught off guard. This time, he was going to remember every second.

Both of them moved at the same time, capturing each other’s lips in a sweet, soft kiss that lasted only a second before they pulled away, overwhelmed. Dean grinned, embarrassed, before pulling Cas back in. What started as a chaste kiss slowly became more urgent, with Dean sliding his tongue against Cas’ bottom lip and eliciting a loud groan from the angel. The noises Cas was making only served to make Dean go even more insane, if that was possible. He grabbed Cas by the hips, pushing him slowly until they hit the wall behind them. Dean paused for a moment before leaning into Cas, their bodies flush against one another. The back of Cas’ head hit the wall, and Dean took advantage of the opportunity to suck as many bruises as he could manage into the side of Castiel’s neck.

“Dean, Sam told me that you should not sleep with someone you are interested in until at least the third date. Maybe we should take this slowly,” Cas stated very seriously.

Dean snorted. “Screw slowly, dude. We’ve known each other how many years now? We’re far past slowly at this point.”

“Okay,” Cas said, smirking. He pushed Dean back, grabbing him by the hand, and walked backwards toward Dean’s bed. Cas pulled Dean on top of him, and Dean let him.

-

“Dean?”

Dean was still groggy, but he opened his eyes to find Sam staring at him sheepishly from foot of his bed. He looked over to the other side of his bed to see a person-shaped lump taking up a large chunk of space. He smiled, thinking back to the previous night, before rubbing his eyes and looking back to his brother.

“Sam? When did you get back?” Dean said.

“I got another room for the night. Thought it might be best for everyone.”

Dean grinned. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to enjoy the rest of the morning with my boyfriend.”

Cas stirred next to him, apparently disturbed by the conversation. His face peeked out from under the covers. “Good morning, Sam.”

“Morning, Cas,” Sam said, with the air of a man who was trying to be as normal as possible about his brother and his best friend sleeping together. “Well. I’ll leave you to it.”

Once Sam closed the door, Cas smiled at Dean. “I’m your boyfriend?”

“I mean, I… if you want, I don’t want to force anything on you, I wasn’t trying to-“

Cas pressed a finger to Dean’s lips. “Dean, I would be honored to be your boyfriend.”

“Oh, well. Good. I’m glad.” Dean leaned in to kiss Cas, and Cas happily obliged.

Tags: @professorerudite

Being Crowley’s daughter and dating Jack Kline would include...

Not my gif!! (Please tell me if you, the owner, would like me to take the gif down!)

-

Of course you were half demon, your mother was human but died when you were 10

You met the boys way back when you were a teen; maybe around 15 years old in season 8 or 9

You were half demon but your mom showed love, taught you to give it back and be kind

You were the ultimate princess of Hell duh

While the boys were hesitant around you, they eventually grew to love you

And ohhh...your dad always threatened them if you tagged along in hunts

“You let a monster lay one finger on my little bear’s head, and I will end you two.” “Daaaaaad….”

Rowena never admitted it, but she utterly loved and adored you. She thought of you as an apprentice since you sometimes practiced spells with her

During Kelly’s pregnancy with Jack, you became her protector as well as Jack’s

Kelly was also hesitant around you since you were half demon, she didn’t want you to maybe end up killing her and her baby or even using Jack as a weapon once he was born

Just like the Winchester brothers, she grew to care for you too. Kelly knew Jack liked you from the start because he always just happened to kick whenever you touched her stomach

You were there when your dad killed himself for the boys, Sam was the one holding you back

Your dad’s last glance at you was a small, simple smile. “Goodbye boys. Take care of my little bear.”

When he stabbed himself, you screamed so loud that Sam and Dean winced at the pain in your voice

When Cas died a little later, you were crying right next to Dean on the ground because he was practically an uncle to you just like Sam and Dean

You mourned for three people that night; your dad, Castiel and Kelly

You vowed to avenge your dad no matter what, you were angry and sad just like Dean for so long

You never went back to Hell and you were sure that you weren’t even the next ruler of Hell anyway, not that it mattered to you

When you guys found Jack, it was strange to see that he was actually your age

You barely talked to him, angry at him for what his father did to Cas and made your dad do

Soon, you slowly began to open up to Jack more and more because he was really one of the only people you could talk to

His innocence was actually kinda adorable, his questions about life were funny too

“(Y/n), what is this?” “That is a pair of headphones, Jack.”

You were still a little bitter towards him until you literally cried on his shoulder one night about how you felt

“I was too weak to save my father, to save Castiel and soon, maybe I’ll be too weak to save you and the boys.”

You half expected Jack to be a little angry at you but he was actually really kind and gentle about it

That was when you realized you were gaining feelings for the nephilim and you didn’t even bother denying it

Unknown to you, Jack was feeling the same way

Castiel coming back was amazing to you and Dean, your uncle came back from the dead!

“Two salty hunters, a half demon princess, one half angel kid, a guy who just back from the dead. Team Free Will 2.0, here we go.”

But the happiness didn’t last long when Jack ran away because he didn’t want to hurt anybody after he accidentally killed a man

Once you found him again, you almost slapped him and yelled at him

“How dare you leave like that?! Do you know how scared and worried I was for you?!”

That was when you had your first kiss with him

He was trying to calm you down but you just caved in and smashed your lips onto his own

Jack didn’t really know what to do but went along with it anyway since he really liked you too

Rescuing Jack and Mary (the Winchesters’ mother) from the other dimension was tiring but you did end up saving both of them later on

Seeing Lucifer again and Jack went off with him, you felt mildly betrayed and hurt

Lucifer tried to convince his son that you didn’t really love him, that you were just using him to get back at his father

Jack never bought it though, he knew you loved him more than anything

He felt so powerless without his grace, Jack was so tired and all he wanted to do was be with you again

When you were trapped in the church with Jack, Sam and Lucifer, you tried your best to kill the devil with your powers

“Poor little girl…left all alone by her daddy.” “Screw you.”

You felt so weak not being able to defeat Lucifer, so vulnerable and weak

Lucifer finally tired you three out and gave a small proposition; one of you dies by the archangel blade and the other two walks out alive

Sam gave you and Jack the blade and told you to kill him but you weren’t having it, so you took the blade from him and pressed it against your own stomach

“I love you, Jack. I love you both so much.” “(Y/n) no!”

Just before you could finish the job, Dean came in and began to fight Lucifer with Michael

Jack was holding you from collapsing becuse the blade had drawn some blood

“Why would you do that?” You smiled weakly at him. “Because I’m not letting either of you die for someone as worthless as me.”

The battle was won by Michael!Dean and finally after all these years, Lucifer was dead

The victory was short lived when Michael had taken full control over Dean and left

Dean was MIA for so long and Jack was feeling worthless without his powers, it was all so much

You, of course, comforted Jack about how he felt. He didn’t deserve to have his grace taken away by someone he thought cared about him

You were so scared when his illness was starting to take him over. Jack was dying and there was nothing you could do to help

When Jack died and went to Heaven, his own Heaven was with you and the boys until he (sadly) had to leave it to go to his mother’s

Jack brought you up to her, telling Kelly that he was in love with you to which she just smiled

“I’m in love with her, mom.” “I know, Jack. I know.”

Rowena was used as a suit for Michael and when he went to attack at the bunker, Jack killed him and gained his grace back….at the cost of burning his soul out

Soulless Jack was saddening to you, he was empty and wasn’t the same boy as before

You weren’t even sure he loved you anymore since he couldn’t feel anything at all

You set your feelings and concerns aside and continued to act the same as you normally would with Jack in your relationship, but it was never the same

After he killed Mary Winchester, you became much more worried about his condition and mildly scared at his actions

Jack being locked away by Sam and Dean was torture to you. Yes, he didn’t have a soul anymore but he was still the same boy you fell in love with. You missed him

When he escaped, God/Chuck came back and was the one who told you that you needed to kill Jack or it could be very dangerous

Instead of Dean, you were the one holding the gun to Jack’s head while he kneeled on the ground, ready to die

In the end, you couldn’t kill him. He was still Jack, he was still your everything and still the love of your life

But before you knew it, Chuck killed Jack himself and raised the souls from Hell

As you and the boys were trapped in the tomb with no way out, you sobbed and mourned over Jack’s dead body with his eyes burned out

The amount of anger you had for Belphegor when he had the audacity to use your boyfriend’s body as a vessel was only felt once for when your dad died

Sealing off the town was hard enough when you had a demon in your ass the whole damn time. Belphegor never left you alone

“Hey sweetheart...” “Belphegor, I am half demon and I will literally send you back to Hell no matter what.”

You went with Belphegor and Castiel down to the rupture in Hell in order to finally get rid of all the ghosts and souls

While down there, you found out that Belphegor was really planning on sucking up all the souls to be as powerful as God

You managed to get him down and punched him so many times that his lip was bleeding and his sunglasses came off, showing Jack’s full face

“Please (Y/n)...stop. It’s me...Jack.” “....You’re not him. And you’ll never be him.”

You killed Belphegor using your powers and needless to say, Dean was not very happy about going off-plan (which was stupid to you because you would’ve had to kill the demon anyway)

You had never felt so depressed and empty in all your life. Your mom and dad were dead, Rowena was dead because of the spell she had to use and Jack was dead as well. Everyone you ever loved was dead and you were just an empty shell of who you used to be

But when Jack was resurrected by Billie the Reaper, you felt the same way as Dean did when Cas came back

It wasn’t until you realized that he was the exact same as before, soulless. You couldn’t bare it, Jack didn’t love or care about anything anymore.

As much as you still loved him, you finally broke things off with him because no matter how much you tried to deny it, your old Jack was gone

When those hellhounds were after you all, Sam and Dean were the ones holding the doors shut while you, Jack, and Cas were in the main part of the chapel trying to activate the Occultum...until Jack swallowed it

“Where’s the Occultum?” “I ate it.” “YOU WHAT?”

Just before the hellhounds could maul the four of you to death, there was a bright light that killed them and Jack’s unconscious body appeared onto the floor

Later, Jack was found awake in the bunker’s kitchen, crying to himself and Cas told the rest of you that his soul has been restored

You couldn’t help but let a small tear escape your eye. Jack was so innocent and new to the world but already was introduced to so many horrible things within three years

You loved Jack, and you always would no matter what happens to him or you

-

A/N: Most of you might know about the BLM protests and the unjust murder of George Floyd but if you haven’t donated or signed any petitions yet, I would strongly suggest that you do! Black Lives Matter! I hear you and I stand with you.

Justice For George Floyd - https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd

TAGGED:

@shortwinchester

@coltcas

@urlaslongasafalloutboysongtitle

@irinazatyk

@meadow-melody​

@eleventhdoctorsangel​

@xsweetnsour​

@gay-drian-cain​

Masterlist

So, welcome to my master list. It will be updated every few days. Gifs are not mine, they belong to their creator!

Dean Winchester

Ripped at every edge - Dean x Neutral!Reader. After a hunt gone wrong, Sam and Dean fight. As soon as Sam leaves the room you have to pick up the broken pieces of Dean Winchester. Based on ‘Colors’ by Halsey.

Two little letters - Dean x Fem!Reader. With Dean’s help you manage to escape an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You live a happy life until your past catches up with you. A chain of unfortunate coincidences leads to a heartbroken Dean. Will you be able to save your relationship? (requested)

Stitches - Dean x Fem!Reader. Y/N is in love with Dean, unbeknownst to him. During a hunt he saves her and risks his own life. He nearly died and now you have a grumpy, on the floor bleeding hunter sitting on your bed and you are just about to explode. (requested)

Sweet as marshmallows - Dean x Male!Reader. Things get heated between you and the elder hunter after a dangerous Wendigo hunt. (requested)

Icarus - Dean x Reader. You‘re an unworried person who is always optimistic and such a sharp contrast to your secret crush Dean. You have to show Dean that he mustn’t carry the world‘s pain on his own shoulders. Sometimes you just gotta live a little. Skinny dipping is the solution.

Verity - Dean x Neu!Reader. During her last breath, the witch had taken revenge. Things get interesting when Dean’s hit by a truth spell. Unfortunately, it is not easy to hide a secret if you always have to tell the truth. But that doesn't explain why Dean is avoiding you all the time, does it?

Sam Winchester

You’re a hooker, sweetheart - Sam x Reader. You’ve always had a thing for the younger Winchester brother. Ever since you first met Sam and his cute smile. But you were always too afraid of confessing your crush to him. One day he hooks up with a random girl after a hunt. That’s when you’re having it! You’re tired of suppressing. What will Sam have to say? (requested)

Suspirium - Prof!Sam x Fem!Reader. You’re in your last year of your Classics and Modern Languages studies and you’re majoring in Latin and English. Then you get assigned to a different Latin teacher. And damn, he loves his subject. Too bad that he’s also hot. What is just a childish crush soon develops into something way more complicated.

Castiel

That’s the thing with nightmares - Cas x Neutral!Reader. Sweet Castiel comforts you after a terrible nightmare which leads to lots of cuddles.

Heavenly touch - Cas x Fem!Reader. You’re in your last year of high school. But nothing goes according to plan. While your older brothers are hunting demons down you have to attend school in whatever forsaken town they drag you to. You are bullied because you have no boyfriend, no sexual experience and you not even have had your first kiss yet. Dean doesn’t get your problem and Castiel is curious. That won’t end well.

Forget me not - Cas x Fem!Reader series. Cas was your guardian angel and best friend. He protected from everything that tried to harm you as a child. But a terrible accident caused him losing you. Years later, you’re still determined to find your guardian angel again. What happens when you meet him under unexpected circumstances?

Glooming hearts - Cas x Fem!Reader. The one time Dean plays matchmaker for his socially awkward friend and an angel who is just as worse. It’s funny and maybe he gets a lot more involved than he wanted to. Both  have no experience with dating and Dean likes watching how the chaos he caused envolves around him. What could possibly go wrong? (requested)

Conversations in the dark - Cas x Neu!Reader. Nothing’s real if it happens in the dark. That’s what your mother told you about nightmares. But you’re hunter and you know that nightmares exist in the daylight, too. Your relationship with Cas isn’t always easy. However, in moments of doubt it’s good you have each other. Because that’s all that really matters.

Other SPN characters

Another love - John x Fem!Reader. You had a wonderful thing with John Winchester. One night he leaves without coming back. 

Beware of the daddy - John x Fem!Reader. The reader gets drunk in a bar and doesn’t want to be alone at night so she is searching for an one-night stand. She finds a good-looking guy, but suddenly she ends up in a dicey situation. John comes to the rescue. (requested)

SPN Actors

Lullabies - Jensen x Fem!Reader. Jared x Fem!Reader. You're pregnant. Every couple would be happy to hear these news. Don't get me wrong, you're happy. Only problem is you have no idea who the father is... It‘s either Jensen Ackles' baby or the one of Jared Padalecki. The two men don't know about the big news yet. How will they react? Part 2 here. (requested)

Adorkably - Jensen x Neu!Reader. After you had a stunt accident on the Supernatural set, your leg is broken and you have to stay in bed while being on some high painkillers. Good thing, Jensen takes care of you. Well, in his own dork way anyways… (requested)

Nightcrawler - Jensen x Neu!Reader. Jensen and you never got along well. But when a stunt accident almost caused him losing you, everything changes. What will Jensen have to say if you wake up? (requested)

Cloudbursts - Jared x Neu!Reader. You were determined to do it. You never told anyone about your fear and you wouldn’t let it bring you down to your knees now! Not in front of all these people! Well, the anxiety attacks were an obstacle you didn’t think of... (requested)

Rock 'n' Roll, baby - Jensen x Male!Reader. Jensen has always been such a flirt. There has always been a chemistry between you that neither of you can deny. But no-one makes the next step. What is only a flirt for fun soon turns out to be more. (requested)

Love and hair - Jensen x Daughter!Reader x Jared. Part 2 to Lullabies. Set 18 years in the future. Reader wants to know who her biological dad is. (requested)

An apple a day - Doctor!Jensen x Fem!Reader. You were just having a bad day, that’s it. I mean, dislocating an arm while carrying cartons into your new apartment? That could happen to everyone. But intentionally miss three vaccination appointments? That could only happen to you. If only the doctor wasn't so cute... (requested)

Skies are different in Vancouver - Jensen x Neu!Reader. You have a hard time while your finance is in Vancouver for three months. However, you know that Jensen will always return to you in the end. (requested)

Hot as hell heaven - Misha x Neu!Reader. Filming can be quite dangerous sometimes. Good thing you have your personal doctor. (requested)

I thought he could help us (Dean Winchester x Reader)

[Supernatural-Masterlist]

Summary: You were sure that you guys will never be able to beat Chuck, or better said, God. After literally trying everything, an idea popped into your head. Of course you would not tell anyone, knowing the guys, especially Dean, would freak out. So you did what you thought was right: sneaking out one night to go & talk to Chuck.

Words: 2,872

Warnings: angst, language, Chuck being Chuck, protective Dean, mentions of cheating, fluffy ending bc I can´t write a heartbreaking story

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You should all be happy right now. Everything you had ever wanted was right in front of you. Dean, the best boyfriend you could have ever imagined. Sam, who was like a big brother to you. Cas, the awkward friend you had never wanted but also somehow craved. Last but not least, Jack, who you would die for in a heartbeat. Being hunters had never been easy. The supernatural beings that lived in the dark corners always haunting you but you learned to fight them. They were scared of your badass team, not the other way round. So why, why the hell did Chuck have to make life so much harder for you? A few years ago, you all got together to fight Amara only to find out now that he had everything planned out for you guys. How fucked up could one being be? And how fucked up was it that this being was the God out of everyone?

“This is useless!” you breathed out.

The entire team was seated in the library, desperate to find something, anything slightly helpful. This was how your days looked like if you did not have a case. Just sitting around the big ass table, reading lore & hoping you would find a clue how to defeat God. Defeat God...was that even possible? Right now, you were not so sure but you could not stop now. Not after everything you had been through. This should be easy, right?

“(Y/N)…“ Sam sighed. “We´ve been through this, haven´t we?“ he tried reasoning.

“Well, apparently this entire thing doesn´t help one bit. I don´t understand how you guys can just sit there & do the same shit over & over again. We´re fucked, okay? The sooner we realize this, the better.“ you started growing frustrated.

“Sweetheart…” Dean started speaking up.

“No, Dean! I´m tired. Clearly, reading books for days is not the answer. We need to start thinking outta the box, y´know?” you were hinting your idea but not daring to speak it out loud. They would kill you, for sure. Or ask if you were insane. How could you not in this situation.

“Out of the box...Means what exactly?” Dean looked at you in confusion, obviously not knowing what you were truly saying.

“Look, (Y/N), we have three hunters, a nephilim who is stronger than everything I´ve ever seen & an angel.” this was Cas´ voice that made you look up to him.

“We can do this together, (Y/N), I´m sure!” the confidence in Jack´s voice made you smile slightly. He sure was a little naive but he just wanted to keep the team positive which was cute, really.

“You know what, guys? I need a little break. You do, too. Let´s just stop for today, clear our heads & start again tomorrow. Now, how does that sound?” you faked a smile, unaware to the others. You had become quite trained in faking emotions. That came with being a hunter, you guessed.

The others nodded at you, closed their books & made their way out of the library.

It was 10 pm when you checked the time. As far as you could tell, the entire bunker was asleep, which was good considering the thing you were about to do. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Dean sleeping soundly. Ever since the two of you had started sleeping in one bed, the nightmares were not as frequent anymore. You silently made your way out of your shared room, only taking your phone with you. A few hours prior, you had already prepared an outfit & placed it in the garage. This way, you would not wake anybody. Still, while walking down the halls, you tried to be as quiet as possible, making sure nobody was up & wandering in the bunker. Arriving at the garage, you let out a breath you did not know you were holding. You started thinking now. Was this really the right decision? Everyone else would have said that you were about to commit suicide. On the other hand, you did not really have a choice. If you did not do this, you would die anyway. There was nothing left to lose. Stripping out of your oversized t-shirt you once stole from Dean, you imagined to conversation you were about to have. Then you stopped for a second. What if he decided not to show up at all? He was not able to track you guys, thanks to Cas who burned some sort of marks into your ribs. Throwing on your outfit, you knew you had to give it a try. Just telling him your coordinates, in a prayer, of course. He had to show up. Before the overthinking got the best of you, you tucked your phone in one of your pockets & made your way outside in the chilly air. Due to the adrenaline you felt, you could barely feel the coldness hitting your skin.

After a while of walking, a park bench came into your view. Right at a crossroad. You had never been there but that was what you wanted to achieve. Being as far away from your family as possible. There was not a single car which somehow comforted & scared you at the same time. Seating yourself onto one side of the bench, you fiddled with your hands in your lap. A few deep breaths steadied you & after a couple of minutes, you were sure that you were ready. It was now or never.

“Um...hi, God...Chuck, I mean. Here´s (Y/N), you know, the one who´s with the Winchesters & stuff. I know you can hear me & you´re probably asking yourself why the hell I decided to pray to you. Funny enough, I´m sorta lost. We are, actually. I know you could kill me if I give you my location now but honestly, I don´t really care right now. Look, I just wanna talk, okay? I´m alone here, it´s just me & I hope you are open to talk to me here, Collar Road 16. I´ll be here until the sun starts to rise. If you don´t show up, okay, that´s fine but I would really appreciate it if you decide to come. I´ll be here.” your voice was low, scared that someone would hear you even though you were completely alone. Checking your phone, you had no new notifications. Perfect, you managed to sneak out. It was Chuck´s turn now. The sunrise was hours away so you hoped he would come & talk to you (& not kill you, that would be nice).

Seconds turned into minutes & minutes into hours. You started losing hope. How dumb were you to think God wanted to talk to you when you were literally trying to find a way to kill him?

“Kinda dangerous for you to be here alone, without your boyfriend to protect you, don´t you think?” Chuck´s voice startled you & you looked at him in surprise. Not wanting him to sense your nervousness, you cleared your throat & straightened your posture.

“I can handle myself, thanks for your concern.” smirking at him, his eyes bored into you which sent a shiver down your spine. You felt so uncomfortable under his presence that you almost forgot the reason you two were here.

“Attitude, I see.” he chuckled.

“You were busy, huh? Letting me wait for so long.”

“Actually, no. Just wanted to test your patience.” Chuck had so much fun & your anger started to rise. You knew though, that one wrong word could have you killed so you took a deep breath.

“I wanna talk to you.” you stated the obvious.

“I figured that much. So? Go ahead.” Chuck turned so his body was facing you, signaling you that he was paying attention to what you wanted to get off your chest.

“I´m pretty sure you know about our little...plan to, well, you know...stop you?” the last part came more out as a question, not wanting to cross any lines. He was God after all. He raised his eyebrows, motioning for you to continue.

“I´m not gonna lie, we didn´t find shit, okay? Like, we´re stuck. And I hate the fact that we´re at a point where almost everyone thinks the only solution is to fight each other. Yeah, I don´t agree with everything you did but that doesn´t mean that I´d like to kill you. You´re God, after all, you created this beautiful place which does have flaws, I´m not gonna deny that.” Chuck let out a laugh at that & you kept going.

“I´m tired of keeping this fight up. Hunting the supernatural, I´m fine with, I can deal with that but fighting against you? That´s something I really don´t wanna do.” you rambled. Even tears started forming, you did not want to cry in front of him but you could not hold back any longer.

“Who knows you´re here, talking to me?” he completely ignored everything you just said & earned a confused look from you.

“Really? That´s what matters? Nobody, okay? I didn´t tell anyone because I knew they would try to stop me somehow. Could you, like, give me any reaction to what I told you?” the frustration was audible & the tears now were forming because of his ignorance.

“(Y/N).” he started. “I hope you know that, out of all of them, I like you the most. That´s why I came here, that´s why I let you talk. Would Sam or Dean sit here, I´d kill them, well, obviously making it look like an accident, I´m not dumb. You´re special, (Y/N), you should be grateful you´re still alive. I´ll give you a choice. Either, you start working with me & you´ll see why I act that way or...you´re going back to your boys & we´re officially at war. Just know, if you walk away now, I won´t be as kind. Your decision, darling.” he shot you a smile but stopped when he saw the rage inside your eyes. He thought you would join him, he really did. You knew your answer, though.

“Fuck. You. You. Asshole.” your voice sounded monotone. You could not look at him anymore, all you did was getting up & running away as fast as possible, scared that he might follow you. Obviously, he did not. You made your choice & even though he was mad at you, he knew preparing for the fight was a better idea.

While you were running, the tears streamed down your face. Why were you so upset with Chuck´s answer? It was not like you did not know him & his intentions. You just truly thought you could change him. The sun had already started rising & you just hoped you were not too late. You were not in the mood to come up with a lie when someone of the guys asked you where you were. Forgetting you should enter through the garage because it was way more quiet, you opened the main door, flinching when it squeaked. But before you could even process that, you could hear a rather mad voice from downstairs.

“Look who decided to show up.” Dean sounded so cold, you could barely recognize his voice. Looking down, you saw Sam, Dean, Cas & Jack all seated around the big table in the main room. Shit, you were gone too long. Of course, your day could get worse, amazing.

“Guys, I can explain, I swear.” honestly, you just wanted to win time to think of a lie to tell them.

“Cut the crap, (Y/N)!” Dean almost screamed. “Get down. Now.” his voice was demanding. To be honest, you were never scared of Dean but right now, you could feel yourself shaking.

“Dean, calm down, okay? Let´s talk about it like matures.” Sam always made sure you felt comfortable & right now, he could tell you were frightened.

“Calm down?! Sure, everyone would be completely calm if their girlfriend sneaks out at night & screws another man.”

“Dean? Are you saying I´m cheating on you? Are you serious? After everything you still don´t trust me?” you were full on sobbing, trying to keep yourself together but failing miserably.

“I wish I could say I trust you but it makes sense, really. You being so distant lately & now, sneaking out in the middle of the night, hoping none of us realizes. You´ve got to be a bit smarter, though.” Dean was hurting but he did not dare to show it, wanting you to feel bad.

“(Y/N)? You do owe us an explanation.” Cas´ voice was calm & made you feel a bit more at ease.

“Maybe she should just go back to whoever she was fucking, that´s better for all of us.” Dean said these hurtful words without even looking at you. He hated seeing you break down like that. You were taken aback. Dean, your Dean, wanted you to leave. This was all a big misunderstanding. As much as you hated it, you knew you had to clear things up. If you were about to leave, then at least with making sure Dean knew you were not cheating on him.

“Please...let me explain, please.” pleading, you looked over to Jack but he would not meet your gaze. Your eyes wandered off to Sam´s & he was the most understanding in this situation which you were thankful for.

“Sit down, yeah?” Sam pulled a chair out for you to sit. The others took the chairs opposite of you so you were facing them all. Well, not all, Dean´s eyes were glued to the floor & you could not even be mad at him. You were aware of his trust issues, of course.

“I´ve been distant because we were continuing a work that brought us nowhere. I tried figuring out what we could do to...to keep this upcoming fight away. I knew the only way was to talk to…um, you know, to talk to God.” that made Dean snap his eyes towards you. No, you did not. You looked into his eyes, seeing the disappointment & that hurt you like crazy.

“Um, anyway, I waited until you guys were asleep to go out & talk to him. Obviously far, far away from the bunker, I didn´t wanna bring you guys in danger.” while you said that you made sure to look rigt at Dean so he knew you were mainly talking about him.

“He showed up after I prayed to him. We talked, well, more like I tried to convince him to stop this stupid fight. All he said was that I could join him & work with him or I go back to you guys & the next time he sees us...he´ll kill me, us. Then I started running back home, he didn´t follow me if you´re concerned about that.” you hated how your voice shook trough your words. You were met with a silence but not a bad silence, the faces of Sam, Cas & Jack were full of relief. Mainly because you were alright but also because they knew you just wanted to help. Dean´s expression, on the other hand, you could not quite read.

“We´ll leave you two alone for now.” & with that Sam got up & rubbed your back. He motioned for Cas & Jack to follow him. Now, you were left with Dean only. Not knowing what to do, you decided to speak up.

“I´m sorry, De-.” but you were cut off by his voice, now much softer as earlier.

“He could´ve killed you, sweetheart. He could´ve killed you & I wouldn´t even have had a chance to say goodbye. The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me, okay?” Dean´s eyes were glistening & you felt bad that you were the reason why he felt that way.

“I´m so so sorry. I shouldn´t have done this, I know. I just...I didn´t know another way. I thought we had a chance if I go talk to him. I was wrong & I´m sorry I scared you. And I´m even more sorry that you thought I´d be cheating on you. I love you, Dean. Only you. Forever, I promise.” a few tears rolled down your cheeks & Dean got up, walked over to you & took you in for a long hug. You cried into his shirt, just glad he was with you.

“I know why you did it, I do. You always want to make it easier for us & I appreciate it. Just, next time you have such an idea, promise me you tell us, me at least. Then we can work something out, together, something way safer, okay? Just promise me.” he whispered into your ear, his words carefully chosen, wanting to make sure you knew how much he felt for you.

“I promise, Dean.” you looked up at him only to find his eyes already focused on you.

“I love you, (Y/N).” & with that, he pulled you in for a kiss that showed you how much he cared for you. Maybe you could not convince God but you had the best people & you were sure you would figure something out sooner or later.

Published (06/24/2020) by Cathy

Wet Asphalt.

One shot

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Rating: Teen

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, First Date, Dean Winchester is Bad At Feelings

Summary:

He was there in the reflection of the headlights in the shallow puddles on the highway, in the rainbow gas leakage left behind at a bus stop, in the way the neon drug store sign rippled in the deceptively deep puddle against the curb, he was there when the streetlights shone double off the shiny surface of the road after it had rained, in the reflection of the yellow double arches in the wide parking lot puddles. And Dean couldn’t help but think of prayer, stubbornness, determination and a beaten up trench coat. It all reminded him of Cas.

Read it on Ao3 here

He was there in the reflection of the headlights in the shallow puddles on the highway, in the rainbow gas leakage left behind at a bus stop, in the way the neon drug store sign rippled in the deceptively deep puddle against the curb, he was there when the streetlights shone double off the shiny surface of the road after it had rained, in the reflection of the yellow double arches in the wide parking lot puddles. And Dean couldn’t help but think of prayer, stubbornness, determination and a beaten up trench coat. It all reminded him of Cas, of the smells and sounds that followed him around, and that Dean had gotten reacquainted with since Jack had restored Cas’ wings. That faint buzzing that sounded so much like the hum of fluorescent lights and that smell just like the one that followed rainfall.

It was a sign that things were going well that he had the brain space to think about these sorts of things.

And things were going well. Everyone was safe and sound, Jack and Cas were restoring heaven, Sam and Eileen were coordinating their growing network of hunters from the bunker, Claire and Kaia (and the rest of that group of fierce women) visited often enough that it felt like they had a family again. They did, they had a family now. It was a large motley crew of orphans, hunters, Garth and his werewolves, an angel, a nephilim and two Midwestern sheriffs. And Dean didn’t have to go on every hunt anymore and he didn’t feel guilty about it either. So now he had the time to work on not just Baby but other cars too, to pull Jack into helping him restore an old Chevy pick-up, to binge the whole Netflix library with Cas, to play board games with everyone and find out how much of a competitor Eileen was, to start running at the crack of dawn with Sam because he wasn’t getting any younger and he should probably start looking after himself, to have all the holidays together that they had missed out on, and so many other things they never got around to because there was never time and there was always some catastrophe happening.

The only problem was that Dean didn’t know what to do with all this free time. He’d never had to think about it, up to this point his life had been taking care of Sam and going from hunt to hunt, he hadn’t had to decide what he was going to do and he’d never made long term plans. Now they had plans all the way into next year. Cas was even planning ahead for Jack’s fifth birthday. The optimism in that was almost too much to handle.

Though they were all together now, they all had their own stuff going on, and that left Dean spinning his wheels. His mind wandered and he looked back down at the yellow lights buzzing in the puddle at his feet.

After everything he had been through, it was safe to day that Dean’s relationship with faith was, at the very least, complex. God was nothing but a vindictive cruel puppeteer that had used his life and the lives of those around him as entertainment, and now that God was reduced to nothing more than the shell of a man and a second rate writer. And before he’d had concrete evidence of God’s existence, Dean’s lack of faith defined his actions. He believed in hell but not heaven. He believed in demons, not angels. And finding out that he was wrong didn’t make the situation any better.

But there he was, seeing signs in the wet asphalt and the reflection of streetlights, feeling connected to something.

And maybe Dean had never had much faith in God, and even less after he’d met him. He had never expected much from angels, and even less after he’d met them, but there had always been one exception.

He wasn’t sure exactly when it had started or how it happened, but he had pretty much always had some kind of faith in Cas. He’d never prayed to anything or anyone as much. And even when things were rough between them, even when Cas had gone off the deep end or was brainwashed or was going through some strange kind of trauma induced pacifist phase, Dean always believed in Cas. Even at his worst, Cas was always trying to do the right thing.

And maybe Dean had done so much for Cas, so much to him, because he believed in Cas and the goodness inside him. He’d mourned him, he had fought heaven and hell for him, they’d gone through so much together and there was no length that Dean wouldn’t go to still.

Now, with Sam and Eileen running the show and moving in together, and Jack and Cas busy up in the clouds, Dean was mostly left to his own devices. And he wouldn’t deny that he was kind of lonely. After all these years of doing nothing, of being terrified to do anything, he and Cas had finally bridged the gap between friends and something more (Dean didn’t know what you were supposed to call an angel you were involved with, but boyfriend didn’t seem to cut it). And there was no way he was going to pull Cas away from restoring heaven, something that was so close to Cas’ heart, something Cas had a hand in destroying and still carried the weight of that guilt with him, there was no way he’d keep Cas on Earth just because he was a little lonely. He was an adult, he could handle it.

So there he was, sat on Baby’s trunk in a fast food parking lot, staring at the puddles, watching the way the buzzing neon sign danced on the surface of the water, thinking about his faith in Cas. And then that familiar flutter, buzzing and the scent of rain filled the air.

“Hello Dean,” came Cas’ gruff voice. Dean could see his reflection blocking out the light from the puddle. Slowly, Dean raised his eyes to Cas’.

It hadn’t been that long since Cas had figuratively spilled his guts and died, again, and just the sight of him still took Dean’s breath away. Maybe it had something to do with all the built up trauma of watching Cas die over and over again, and maybe it also had something to do with how they were finally being completely honest about their feelings for each other. It had all been a long time coming and Dean was still adjusting to the whole bisexual in love with an angel thing. In all fairness, it was a lot to come to terms with.

“Hey Cas,” Dean breathed. “How are things going upstairs?” He added, losing his nerve to say what was really on his mind.

“Things are coming along,” Cas said, and sighed, “Jack wants to make a section just for dogs, something like a large park,” he explained.

“That sounds nice,” Dean said, smiling as he imagined it, running through an endless park with all the great dogs that had ever died, it sounded like the perfect way to spend the rest of eternity.

“We’ve been visiting a lot of parks and trying to collate all their best features into one very large park,” Cas continued, “Jack’s quite enamoured with water features at the moment.”

“Of course he is,” Dean said with a chuckle, and the conversation petered out there.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

“You’re lonely,” Cas stated, as flat and blunt as always.

“I’m a big boy Cas, I can handle a little loneliness,” Dean returned with a huff, and Cas was lucky that he hadn’t denied feeling lonely altogether.

“Perhaps,” Cas said, as though he’d chewed the word and spat it out at Dean’s feet. “Perhaps you miss me like I miss you when we’re apart,” he added, head tilted as he watched Dean with the kind of sincerity that was hard to look at.

“Maybe,” Dean murmured, looking away, it was easier to look at Cas’ reflection than face the full brunt of that gaze.

Cas sighed, full bodied and heavy. Dean didn’t move. He could only think that he was too old to be pining like this, but it was freeing to finally let himself feel it too. 

The sound of Cas moving toward him rang out across the near empty parking lot, the soles of his shiny dress shoes clacked loudly with every step, until he climbed atop the trunk beside Dean.

“Sometimes it seems like all we do is wait for each other, and miss each other,” Cas said, his tone was world weary, and Dean figured that if anyone had the right to be weary then it was Cas. He was staring at the sky, maybe counting all the stars he’d put up there.

“Yeah, well, there’s always more stuff to do,” Dean muttered, trying not to sound as sour about it as he truly felt, “rebuilding heaven is important.”

“And you’re not? Our relationship isn’t?” Cas asked, eyes suddenly on Dean, heavy and dark in the low subtly flickering light.

“Heaven’s more important than the two of us,” Dean said, because it was true.

“Maybe,” Cas returned, “but it’s still going to be there, even if I take some time off to come and see you.”

“What, so you’re gonna just tell Jack that you’re taking a break to go on a date with me or something?” Dean said, and rolled his eyes, really he thought that they could wait. They’d been waiting nearly thirteen years already, a little more wouldn’t kill him.

“Something like that, yes,” Cas said. He’d easily taken something Dean had said flippantly, and turned it into something that made Dean’s stomach tingle with butterflies.

Dean couldn’t even remember the last time he went on a date.

And then he looked at Cas, really looked at Cas, and thought that maybe they might have done enough waiting. Maybe Dean had done enough waiting, wasted enough time being too scared to do anything because it all might slip away in the next second, and perhaps it was about time that he got involved in his life and actually lived it. And maybe living his life meant going on dates with his more than boyfriend who also happened to be a celestial being once in a while.

“Sounds good,” Dean murmured, and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

“Okay, how about now?” Cas asked, head tilted as he continued to stare Dean down, almost like he was testing him.

“What?”

“Let’s go on a date now,” Cas clarified, though they both knew he didn’t have to.

“And do what, most things are closed now,” Dean said, suddenly feeling unprepared and underdressed (despite not really owning any other clothes, and knowing that Cas wouldn’t change out of the trench coat and tie ensemble). “And I just ate.”

“I don’t eat anyway,” Cas returned, smiling softly at Dean.

“Then what’re we gonna do Romeo?” Dean asked, brow arched pointedly at Cas, and desperately not thinking about how he’d cast himself as Juliet in this play.

“Surely there’s a movie theatre open nearby,” Cas said and began to pat himself down, eventually he pulled out his cellphone.

“You wanna see a movie?” Dean repeated, and shook his head.

“Yes,” Cas said, thumbs tapping against the phone screen. Dean was pretty sure that there must have been an easier way for an angel to find out where the nearest movie theatre was and whether it was still open, but Cas had his quirks and Dean supposed he wanted to do this the human way.

“We watch movies all the time.”

“But we’ve never been to a movie theatre,” Cas returned.

“Alright, what kind of movie?”

“Well, we have to see what they’re showing, don’t we?” Cas replied, barely smiling as he continued to scroll through his phone. His excitement was infectious and Dean couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his own face too. “There’s a midnight showing of Evil Dead 2 nearby. It’s a thirty minute drive, but I could get us there in the next ten seconds if you’d like,” he said, face underlit by the phone screen.

“You know I prefer to drive,” Dean said, he swallowed and jumped off of the trunk, trying to dampen the flapping of the butterflies still running amok in his stomach.

Cas followed Dean as he climbed into the car, sliding across Baby’s seat, and Dean had to wonder how often Cas had sat up front with him and struck up a discussion about something both soul baring and bone crushing. He doubted that they were going to have another deep conversation about the nature of their fathers, but the weight of those past conversations pressed down upon him as he brought the engine to life.

“You want to turn left onto the main road,” Cas said, the phone screen the only light in the car, making the whole thing strangely intimate. As though they were at a candlelit dinner or something. 

There Cas was guiding him again. And Dean would follow blindly, of course he would ask questions, but he trusted Cas not to drag him into the dirt and instead pull him out of it. That thought made him consider his faith again.

“Why do you want to see Evil Dead 2? Haven’t you technically already seen it?”

“Having encyclopaedic knowledge of something is very different from experiencing it,” Cas explained, “Though I appreciate Metatron’s ‘gift’, it helps me understand the copious references you make, but I resent that it also stole my ability to enjoy these things with you for the first time.”

And suddenly there was another reason for Dean to hate Metatron. He seethed for all the lost firsts that had been stolen from them, he would never witness Cas’ first thoughts on Shane for instance. Though, now Cas suggested movies for them to watch, and Dean didn’t know if that was better and whether Cas would have found movies for them on his own or not, but it was something. And this far down the line, it was better to focus on the good.

The good that was going on an impromptu date with his literally angelic boyfriend to see one of his favourite movies.

They arrived at the theatre without any issue, and Dean made a point of making sure that Cas got the full movie going experience. It didn’t matter that Cas couldn’t really taste the hot dog or the popcorn, or the supersized drink that was definitely going to make Dean need the restroom in the middle of the movie, it was about creating atmosphere.

There were a handful of people at the screening. Another couple around their age and a group of college aged kids, and Dean figured that everyone in the room had probably seen the movie before. Though figuring out whether what Metatron had put into Cas’ head meant that he’d seen the movie or just knew everything about it required a lot more brain power than Dean was willing to put to the endeavour, so he gave up.

The movie was just as good as Dean remembered. Cas ate a few bites of the hot dog and a couple handfuls of popcorn, and Dean could tell that it all just tasted like molecules to him but the gesture was nice. And just as he had predicted, he had to use the restroom halfway through the movie. 

When he came back, he was caught by the sight of the dust motes dancing in the projector light, which reminded him of dirt shifting in puddles, which reminded him of the way rainbows swirled in gas spills on the road, which reminded him of Cas.

Cas who was sat almost dead in the centre of the theatre, face washed in shifting light as sound boomed around them. And he thought that this might be the closest he ever got to seeing Cas’ true form. It was enough to give a faithless man faith, and Dean figured that it had.

He shuffled back to his seat, took the box of popcorn from Cas’ lap and kissed him on the cheek, and he caught Cas’ surprised little smile in the corner of his eye as he turned to face the screen again. Fingers slid through Dean’s not too long after. And though it was the most tame movie date he’d ever been on, Dean couldn’t help but think that it was the best date he’d had, especially when Cas chuckled at the billionth ‘groovy’.

And yeah, things were good if he could see Cas in every rainbow and downpour, the reflection of headlights on wet asphalt, in the hum of florescent lights, in multi-coloured shifting oil spills, neon lights and rain water, the sound of a storm coming in through the crack of his window. Maybe it was good to have a little bit of faith. 

Mulligan: a Destiel fanfic

Episode 15.18 fix it set post finale oneshot - We’re glossing over the whole Chuck thing and focusing on Cas and Dean so I get love confessions and a happy ending! This hasn’t been beta read as it’s more of an emotional purging. ---------------------

Dean Winchester pushed away from Baby to take several steps forward. He then turned back and returned to his position of leaning against the Impala. His body ached but Jack had healed the most pressing injuries. His powers were still new and using them instinctively concerned all of them. It was different in the heat of battle where everyone in the world was already gone—

“Why are you pacing?” Sam Winchester clutched his phone in both hands, but his gaze was trained on Dean.

Tilting his head, Dean looked pointedly at the phone. He then stepped forward and put a hand at the back of his brother’s neck. With Sam half-sitting on Baby, Dean had the rare opportunity to lean down toward Sammy. “She’ll text back as soon as Jack finishes. He and Rowena have this. Crowley as the new death is worth the price of resetting time and bringing everyone back.”

Sam nodded and gave Dean a small smile. The bruising on his face made it more of a grimace. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. At least, we get them all back. We’ll get Cas back.”

Releasing Sam, Dean turned and paced a few steps again. He didn’t look back at his brother. His mind was filled with memories of Cas. It wasn’t only the final image of his tears and happiness. It was years of friendship, struggle, sacrifice, and…love. Dean had fought against it even as he silently appreciated every reference to his angelic boyfriend. His experiences with love were complicated – John Winchester, Mary, and even Sam. It had never been easy and everyone did leave him. But Cas, he’d always been different just as he’d almost always been family.

“Dean.” Sam’s voice rose and he flashed his phone’s screen before typing. “Eileen’s alive.”

“Well, let’s go get her.” Dean gave Sam a push and chuckled as he got into the Impala. They had returned to be close to Eileen and ready for her return. Pushing Baby hard, he drove the last few miles while Sam exchanged texts with his girl. He parked and watched Sam’s eyes widen when he saw Eileen. “Go give her a kiss.”

Dean would even forgive Sam for jerking Baby’s door open. While Eileen only looked confused, Sam’s face was a mixture of hope and fear. His brother stopped then leaned back into the car.

“Get to Cas. We’ll see you at the bunker.”

There was no need to tell Dean twice. He was ready for Cas’ return – Rowena wouldn’t promise they could do it, but Jack was determined. Dean could feel the words repeating in his head. Words Cas had said, words Dean needed to say. ‘I love you.’

“Cas!” Dean shouted as soon as he was in the bunker. Rushing down the steps, he skidded to a stop when he saw Cas’ smile. Hair a mess, blue eyes shining, the angel had a hand on Jack’s shoulder. Happiness radiated from Cas and caused a shiver of fear in Dean’s heart. He pulled Cas into a hug, but his gaze scanned the room still expecting someone to rip love from him again. “Aw, Squirrel and Feathers reunited again and it feels so good.” Rolling his eyes, Dean reluctantly pulled back but kept his hands on Cas’ shoulders. He ignored Crowley’s words and looked at the angel. “You’re back.” “Thanks to you and Sam. Jack told me about you defeating Chuck. I knew you could do it.” Cas’ hand rested on Dean’s arm. His eyes crinkled when his smile grew. “I’m glad Eileen is back. Sam with her?” “Yeah, he is. They’ll be here later.” Dean struggled to pull his focus from Cas. He wanted to blurt out his love; he wanted to hear Cas’ declaration again. As he watched, the angel patted his shoulder once more and turned back to Jack without any new signs of love. Dean pulled his hands back to keep from dragging Cas into another embrace. “Now, boys, I must return to my domain. I’ll leave you to it and hope you won’t make another mess of things. Fergus, we will talk later.” Rowena flicked her red curls over her shoulder then disappeared in a dramatic and unnecessary flash of light and smoke. “She’s always so dramatic,” Crowley complained. He then crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. “So, Squirrel, looks like you and I have something in common.” Jack’s eyes were closed as he did whatever he needed to go as the new God. Cas stood next to him with a small, proud smile. Dean turned back to Crowley when the new Death chuckled. “We both get a second chance.” “A do-over in golf is called a Mulligan,” Jack announced with a wide smile. “Sam will be here soon and then I’ll need to go too.” “I can help you.” Dean flinched at Cas’ offer but the angel was only looking at Jack. Their toddler God grinned and shook his head. “We have balance now so you can remain. You still won’t be a full angel, but you’ll have some of your grace.” Listening eagerly to Jack’s explanation, Dean found he’d walked closer to the pair. Cas met his eyes and smiled…Jack’s words faded into the background as Dean stared at his angel. The creak of the bunker door accompanied Crowley’s howl of laughter. Dean shook his head and forced his gaze from Cas. After another round of greetings, Jack cleared his throat. “I must return to the angels and heaven. I won’t run things like Chuck did and there’s much to do.” “And everyone returned to the same time? The hunters weren’t warned and won’t know they died?” Sam had an arm around Eileen and smiled at her as he squeezed her close. “I mean unless we tell them, they have no memory of what happened.” “That was my part and I didn’t mess it up, Moose.” Crowley’s indignation faded to a grin. “Except for the angel here, of course.” “What? Cas doesn’t have his memories?” Dean grabbed at the table when his whole world shifted on its axis. He turned to the angel. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Cas was still relaxed and happy when he approached Dean. “I remember you were willing to keep Sam safe and kill Billie with her own scythe.” Dean stared at Cas but the angel didn’t get his silent messages begging him to remember his love. “Did something happen?” Sam dragged Eileen with him when he crossed to stand by Dean. “Isn’t that what happened? Death killed Cas and you killed Death?” At Crowley’s laughter, anger filled Dean. It wasn’t the same blind rage as Chuck’s writing, but it burned and ached. He had a forearm at Crowley’s throat before he’d even realized he’d moved. The ex-demon continued to chuckle. Cas placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder – there was no bloody handprint on his jacket. “It’s your Mulligan, Dean.” Jack’s voice shook with excitement. “A gift from me, Squirrel,” Crowley taunted. “I don’t understand.” Dean released Crowley at Cas’ words and turned to the angel…the angel who didn’t remember loving him. Spinning away, Dean fought the urge to run from the room. Cas hadn’t left him, but he didn’t love him. Dean would be alone again. “In golf, a Mulligan is a do-over,” Jack explained proudly to Cas. Unable to resist, Dean watched Cas’ head tilt as he squinted first as Jack then Dean. The angel moved to Dean’s side and continued to look at him. “Dean, what do you need to do-over?” “That’s a good question. I thought…oh.” Dean didn’t need to look at Sam to understand his brother had connected the dots somehow. Sam’s hands moved quickly and then Eileen chuckled. She didn’t say anything to Dean, but he felt everyone’s eyes on him. “Well, get on with it. We don’t have all day – some of us have new jobs to do.” Crowley shuffled closer but was no longer laughing. Scanning the room, Dean confirmed everyone was watching. Sam was grinning and nodding with his arms wrapped around Eileen. She smiled and signed love with quick hands. Crowley appeared smug and bored as only the ex-demon could. And Cas…Dean swallowed hard and met familiar blue eyes questioning him. Cas who always volunteered to go with him whether Dean was battling gods, Death, or his own inner demons. “Cas, I…” Words failed Dean when the angel tilted his head again and again rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Whatever it is, it’s okay, Dean.” The gravelly voice was calm and confident. Blue eyes gleamed with happiness and pink lips edged up into a smile. “You’ve saved the world again. I’m sure we can handle a ‘Mulligan’ if you need it.” Laughter eased Dean’s tension. Memories of more laughter made him toss his head back with a full-body laugh – air quotes, brothels, FBI badges, blue ties, a dirty trench coat. Sobering, he studied the angel he had loved for years. “I love you, Cas.” The angel’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. When his hand slid off Dean’s shoulder, Dean caught it. Cas watched him adjust his grip so they were standing close and holding hands. “You are my Mulligan and I want to do it right this time. I don’t want to waste time and miss out on anything else. We are alive and I want to live a new life together with you. I don’t want to miss this chance.” Dean’s voice caught at the end when Cas continued to stare at him without speaking.  “I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to be a weapon of destruction, worthless—” “You are not worthless,” Cas denied. He tightened his grip on Dean’s hand. “Regardless of what Chuck wrote, you are your own man. You are the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human I will ever know. Knowing you, changed me and made me better.” Memories of the first time he’d heard the words brought a sharp flash of pain…and hope to Dean. “I thought you didn’t remember.” “I remember my feelings for you.” Cas matched Dean’s frown but didn’t release his hand. “Cas doesn’t remember your conversation, Dean, but that doesn’t change his feelings,” Jack attempted to clarify. “We are what’s real,” Sam added his support. Dean didn’t look away from Cas. “Do you love me, Cas? Just me? Really love me?” Cas looked away with a broken sigh. “I’m asking because I do love you. I have for years.” Dean smiled when Cas met his gaze again. The beautiful blue eyes were too easy to get lost in. “I didn’t think I could have what I wanted most.” Cas continued to stare at Dean. “I didn’t think I could either,” Dean agreed. He was almost sure Sam and Eileen were cooing happily at them. He ignored them. “I do love you.” “I know.” Cas’ full lips pulled back in a grin. “You are what I’ve wanted most. I love you.” Dean wasn’t sure who moved first, but Cas was in his arms so it didn’t matter. Cas’ lips were on his, his arms wrapped around Dean. It felt like heaven, like coming home. It was their first kiss, but only the first. Crowley’s slow clapping grew louder and faster when Sam, Eileen, and Jack joined in. Dean reluctantly pulled back, but he didn’t look away from endless blue. “I think you should leave.” Cas stepped close to press another kiss to Dean’s lips. “And I’ll go with you.” Grabbing Cas’ hand again, Dean pulled him from the others who continued to cheer and laugh. “Yeah, let’s get out of here, angel. Just you and me.” ------------------------ Now, don’t we all feel better now?! I know I do! It is rare I write fanfic anymore, but Destiel gives me all the feels.  If you are willing to try my original fiction, contact me through my website (writerrsj.com) and I’ll send you the ebook of Azimuth (Rahki Chronicles 1)! Think modern warriors, magical Romani/ Gypsies, adventure, and a bit of romance! Happy reading to all!

Trans Sam: Angst Edition

Okay so. A lot of my trans man Sam headcanons are wish fulfillment. But Consider. In canon Dean is VERY Gender Roles, and he's implied to have gotten that from John being as bad or worse about them.

Sam suppressing himself because he already feels enough like a freak. Remember the statement about, as a child, not feeling pure enough to go on a quest like Galahad? His feeling of not fitting his body amplifies that. He doesn't want to tell anyone that his skin doesn't fit right, doesn't move right compared to the pictures in his head. He tries, he tries damn hard to be a girl correctly. Until his rebellious stage at 17-18, where he started arguing with John and refusing to wear skirts or makeup for any reason.

Then he goes to Stanford, still fuming. But there, his goal is to be normal. Which means trying to fit himself back into the girl mold that he'd just barely started getting out of. He still never wears the weird club clothes that had been gotten for him to try to lure suspects (ew but John WOULD ask him to) but he wears sensible skirts and sensible makeup to perform being a Girl correctly. He even gets a boyfriend sophomore year, Tyson Brady, a pre-med student. Two years into their relationship, he quietly confesses to Ty that sometimes his skin feels wrong, that he feels like he should be taller, broader in the shoulders, thinner in the hips.

Ty remembers a psychology lecture "Sam, do you know what dysphoria is?"

Three weeks later, Ty is burning on the ceiling. And Sam's on the road with Dean after having a gender crisis, a subsequent sexuality crisis, and then a dead-boyfriend crisis. Dean, who is as masculine and gender-roles as they come.

He stuffs down his feelings again. Now isn't the time. He's old enough now to refuse to wear skimpy clothes to bait suspects, but still wears makeup because if he doesn't, Dean cracks endless jokes about him being naked or looking sick. At least Dean seems okay with him mostly wearing pants and lots of shirt layers. Hunting practicality before casual sexism.

The next two years sort of blur for Sam. He does small things, like wearing leather and dull metal jewelry instead of sparkly necklaces, and calling himself a man in his head. It feels ridiculously good, but that typically only lasts about an hour or so between Dean’s remarks about how girly and prissy he is. It’s not fair, if he doesn’t act like a girl, Dean complains that he’s messy and weird, and if he does, Dean insults him. He hates it, but has no idea how to communicate why he hates it without communicating a whole lot of other things that he is in no way ready to tell.

There is a weird thing, though. Sometimes monsters gender him correctly. There doesn’t seem to be a pattern to which ones do it, but a Trickster, two ghosts, and a werewolf figure him out. God, he missed Madison.

Then comes Dean’s demon deal, and Sam stops working on his own problems. He drops everything to try to save Dean. He doesn’t perform femininity except when he has to, but doesn’t work towards making himself more comfortable either. He doesn’t present as male or female, he presents as a mess. That’s probably why the Trickster called him a he. And it’s all for naught.

When Dean dies, in comes Ruby. And here, she brings more than demon blood. Everyone in Hell knows that Sam is meant to be the Boy King. So she also brings Sam being gendered correctly consistently, help using his makeup to masculinize instead of feminize, and a binder. Eventually, once she gets him taking blood, she also gets him some T shots. He’s a little afraid to ask where they’re from, but he trusts her, and honestly, he’s riding high on this new “acceptance” thing.

Then Dean comes back. Instead of Sam being in bed with Ruby, she warns him that Dean is coming, and he has about thirty seconds to decide what to do. So he shoves on a loose shirt to hide his binder, and is, for once, glad that T is not a miracle worker. So they have their confusing fight about how Dean thinks that Sam brought him back. Sam decides to keep quiet about Ruby and everything until Dean calms down.

Then Cas comes in and starts referring to Sam as “the Boy with the Demon Blood.”

This baffles Dean on several levels, and he tells Cas “Knock it off, she’s my sister.” Cas is confused, Sam’s soul is clearly male, surely Dean would know that? But Dean is the Righteous Man, referring to Sam as female is a trivial change for him, and apparently makes Dean much calmer. 

But other angels and demons keep speaking of Sam as “the Boy King” and so on. Which is weirdly affirming to Sam, who quietly stopped taking T so that nothing that Dean would notice would change, but it also scares him a bit how pissed Dean gets over them calling him a man. He hides his binder more carefully.

After the blur of Lucifer’s release, when Castiel finally comes over to their side, he is curious. “Dean, why do you refer to Sam as female and insist that others do as well?” “Uh, she’s a girl? It’s weird to hear people call her a man, dude.” Sam winces, but stays quiet. There’s enough to deal with right now, and he doesn’t really deserve to air his problems at the moment. Cas notices, but figures that if Sam doesn’t say anything, he’ll continue to do as Dean says. After all, Dean is Sam’s commander, surely he knows better.

Then comes Dean’s trip to the future. Where he sees a fully male-presenting Sam possessed by Lucifer. And so is cemented the connection that the title of “Boy King” had begun. That Sam being “masculine” (aka being a man) is inextricably connected to Bad Things.

Then, the trip to heaven. Where Dean sees Sam’s soul for the first time, sees a Sam who is taller and broader than him, undeniably a man.. Sees memories of Sam pretending to be a boy before his chest grew in, and enjoying it. Sees a memory of Ty calling him his boyfriend and Sam just lighting up. This, notably, after it’s been connected in Dean’s mind that Sam being a man is a Bad Thing. And Dean’s never liked Sam having secrets from him, for any reason.

Need I specify that this goes poorly?

The rest of season 5 goes on with Dean viciously and forcefully denying Sam’s masculinity, policing his appearance and behaviors, then continuing to sneer at him for being girly. Honestly, at the end of it, it’s almost a relief, though a temporary one, to jump into the Cage. Even if he can’t even exist correctly, at least Sam can do something in his life right. 

This is how far I’ve gotten with this au so far. Thoughts, anyone? Replies, reblogs, messages, and asks are all welcome.

@archangelgabriellives, @team-gabriel, @guess-im-me