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validity-is-powerful · 3 years

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The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known - chap. 1

Hello friends. I already posted chapter 1 weeks ago, but I've finally gotten around to making a post about it.

Written with permission off this post by @sapphicdeath (my main is @strung-by-fate).

[Masterlist]

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Summary: A day in the office. Nighttime sets the stage.

Warnings: none

Pairing: Hotch/Rossi

Words: 1.9k

Read below the cut, or on ao3.

The office was never empty, not even early in the morning as Hotch arrived. Already there were other employees there, setting up for their days or ending their nighttime shifts. He made his way to his office, nodding a greeting to those he passed.

He set up his desk, arranging the papers he would need to go through according to importance, as he frequently did. Occasionally, there would be a file he would go through first that wasn't overly important, but he would still go through first for other reasons.

It was easy to sink into the headspace he needed for the motions of reading each document and filling out what needed to be. A glance at the clock showed him it was eight. The team would likely be some time still.

Half an hour later, he looked up to see most of his team spilling into the bullpen, talking and laughing together. JJ was absent, but then, she had spoken yesterday of her son's fever and how she and Will were worried. He would give her until nine, then call.

Hotch watched in silence as they settled into their desks, getting ready for the day without ever truly ending their conversation, save for Rossi, who found his way to his own office. It always felt distant, viewing them from behind the glass as he was now. He was part of the team, but there were times he wondered if he was truly part of it in anything but name. Mornings were some of those times, more often than not.

A knock on his door stirred him from his reverie.

"Come in."

"Hey, Hotch," Morgan said, opening the door. "Saying good morning."

"Good morning."

"You looked a bit lonely up here this morning. Anything you want to talk about?"

"I've been thinking," Hotch said. Morgan made a disbelieving but amused sound.

"Alright, man. But if you do ever want to talk, I'm always here."

"I know. Thank you." Morgan shut the door and walked off. Hotch returned to the work in front of him.

"You know, we don't actually know how many-" Reid began, only to be cut off by Prentiss.

"JJ, there you are. Everything alright? You're usually as early as Hotch." The other agent was rarely late, and yet it was almost nine. Hotch had been in the office for likely more than an hour, from what the others knew of his schedule.

"Yeah, everything's fine," JJ said, waving away her friend's concerns. "Henry has a fever, Will's watching him. I left a bit late because of that and hit traffic."

"Henry okay?" Reid chimed in from his desk.

"He will be," JJ assured the group. "He's warm but not dangerously so. We're just worried over how frequently he gets sick."

"That's not uncommon," Reid said. "The average child Henry's age tends to get several fevers a year, not to mention seven or eight colds. So I really wouldn't worry about it unless it's rather severe." He tapped his pen against his fingers, as he was wont to do. JJ nodded, a bit off-kilter

"Thanks, Reid."

"Prentiss." Her name being called grabbed her attention away from the report she was filling out as Morgan and Reid bickered behind her, and she turned. Hotch stood outside his office, waiting for her to turn. "I need to speak with you."

It wasn't only her attention that he had. Reid and Morgan were watching intently as well. She rose and made her way over, frowning.

"Something going on?" Hotch opened his door for her in answer. She entered, and he shut it behind them.

"You're not in trouble," he said once he had taken a seat at his desk and she was sitting in the chair across from him. "It's just some routine training. Seven months is a long time to be gone from the team. The Bureau needs to know you're still sharp."

"What do they need from me this time?" The retraining and assessments had been continuous since she had returned to the Unit. Hotch slid a form and a pen towards her.

"For you to fill that out, then report to the mats tomorrow. Morgan and I can cover your paperwork." She nodded.

"You can return to your desk. And, Emily. It's nice to have you back." She stood and moved to the door, then paused with one hand on it.

"Hotch?" He looked up questioningly. Prentiss smiled. "Thanks." She got a small smile in return.

Lunch was a remarkably quiet affair. Even Hotch deigned to join them, which was unusual in itself.

"Is anyone doing something interesting this weekend?" Garcia asked.

"A friend and I have plans to go strawberry picking up in Pennsylvania,” Prentiss offered, which gained some approving nods around the table.

“Let’s hope nothing comes up, then.”

“You know, the garden strawberry is originally from Brittany, France, and is a cross of two other breeds, one from eastern North America and the other from Chile. It replaced the woodland strawberry, which had been around since the early 17th century,” was Reid’s contribution.

The talk after that shifted to work, and what had come up in reports. Some members were more vocal than others. Hotch was frequently observant but largely silent when there wasn’t a case, staying in his office and working alone. Rossi preferred to observe as well, but tended to be more active in the conversation.

Towards the end of the day, Hotch knocked on JJ’s door.

“Come in,” was the call he was greeted with. She looked up in surprise as he entered, hands pausing on the file she was looking over. “Hey, Hotch. There’s nothing demanding we fly out, though there are a couple of cases that we should offer a consultation on.” He made a small, dismissive gesture.

“I’m not here to discuss cases yet. I trust your judgement.” She smiled.

“Um, thanks. Why are you here, then?”

“Checking on you. You’ve seemed distraught today.” JJ gave him a tight smile.

“It’s nothing, really. It’s this job. It’s my son being sick. I’m fine, Hotch.”

“JJ, if you want to talk, I’m here. And if you need to take some time off, no one’s going to think less of you.”

“I know that.”

“But?”

“But I can’t bear to.” She sighed, quietly. “I can’t step away from this desk and these files, knowing that if I take even a day off, they’re going to pile up and by the time I get through, there’s going to be more bodies. They aren’t my fault, and I know that, but some days it weighs on me more heavily than others.”

She looked up, studying his face. “I can do this job.”

“I know.”

“I just have bad days.”

“Look at me.” JJ lifted her eyes, meeting his own. Hotch continued softly. “You go through files detailing some of the worst acts human beings have committed every day. You have to choose who we try to catch, knowing that the others that you don’t pick are going to keep on killing. Of course this job weighs on you. I want you to know that you have my respect. You’ve always had it. If you need anything, I’m here for you.”

She smiled, teary-eyed.

“Thank you, Hotch.” She slid him a file. He took it.

“The evil in the world is not your fault,” he reminded her as he opened the door to leave.

“Nor is it yours,” she said.

It was unusual for any of them to, towards the end of the day, find themselves with a light enough load of work to begin thinking about heading home. It was unfortunately common amongst members of the team to stay far later than was healthy in order to finish filling out some form or report, or to finish reading through a file.

The time was approaching eight by the time Rossi wrapped up the final file he was reviewing. He shook out his wrist, stood, and began packing up.

Then, as was custom on the nights it was just the two of them left, he made his way to Hotch’s office.

Hotch looked up as he entered. “Budget reports,” he said in answer to the questioning look. “HR wants to make another cut and Strauss has me looking over the proposal in case they go through with it.” Rossi dropped into one of the chairs opposite Hotch’s desk.

“What’s it look like for the team?”

“There’s no threat of downsizing this time.” Hotch made another mark and kept reading.

“Well, that’s good, at least.”

Rossi watched in silence as his friend continued to make his way through the report, his usual frown etched on his face even now, in the quiet stillness when it was just the two of them.

Hotch set the file aside some ten minutes later. He took his things as well, then Rossi opened the door for them both and they headed out.

The elevator ride and the walk to the main entrance passed in a blur, and before long, the two of them had reached the parking lot and their cars. They had parked beside each other, something that had started out being convenience (they tended to leave late, and together), and had turned into a habit both were unwilling to break.

“I’ll see you tonight?” Rossi asked as they stood face to face, closer than was perhaps appropriate for two colleagues. Hotch’s hand found his waist.

“Tonight,” he agreed. “An hour from now, my place?”

“Works for me,” Rossi told him. The kiss they shared was brief and chaste. Nothing else was safe, and even that much was too much for a place like the parking lot of Quantico.

An hour later, Hotch had seen Jack safely to bed and now opened the door to admit his partner. Rossi entered, and they found their way to the kitchen, trading soft words and sure hands, at ease with each other.

Their relationship was far from new, after all. They had been working with each other for a little over two decades and had been friendly throughout. Their romantic involvement was shorter, but still had several years on it.

Hotch took Rossi’s free hand as they drank, and Rossi could feel the cold of the ring Hotch wore against his skin. They both wore the rings signifying their relationship, though what exactly the rings signified he couldn’t say.

“I’ve been wondering,” Hotch said into the quiet. They had never dared to go further than what they had. A serious relationship between two employees, especially two senior employees, was enough risk as it was. Marriage was out of the question for more than one reason. Anything more than friendship was already putting the team at risk. If one of them was injured or killed on a case, the other would be more vulnerable than was safe with their job. Relationships were a risk, always had been. Unfortunately for them and countless others, their hearts had never cared.

“We have plans to not go further until we’re retired.” Hotch paused, turning the words over in his mind and finding the right ones. “But if we could safely, Dave, would you marry me?”

“Yes,” was the answer that fell from Rossi’s lips, before he sealed them over Hotch’s again. He tasted desperation and the wine they had drunk. The glasses found their way onto the counter as he wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him close as Hotch did the same.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner #david rossi #jj #emily prentiss #spencer reid #derek morgan #hossi #hotch x rossi #elliott writes #TMOBK #standalone #chaptered #chapter 1

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badbitchwhomeditates · 3 years

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Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again.

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before.

Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey?

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax.

Nope, it doesn’t stop.

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages?

I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy.

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??)

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy.

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving.

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much. But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown.

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates

#badbitch #spiritual development #self improvement #selfcare #main character #music #singer #aestheitcs

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2badshewonteatacookie · 5 years

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HOW TO STOP BINGING

Hey guys,

I see a lot of people who are struggling with binge eating in this Community. And I don't mean the "oh I ate over 1000 calories" binging, I mean the 3.000 -over 10.000 calories binging.

My Story : I always had a fast metabolism and was always the skinny girl who would eat a lot. Then I discoverd the pro-ana community and I thought I could become even skinnier, so I started restricting, but I always stayed over 1000 calories. I lost a lot of weight people where concerned and always commenting on how skinny and unhealthy I looked blablabla, I loved it. But then I would have these cravings and I would eat a lot, so I got back to my starting weight, over the years it got worse because I would try to restrict during the week and always binge on the weekend. Holidays where the worst, because I had no routine and would binge every day. Last year I finshed high school and started a gap year in the USA and maybe going to the US with binge eating disorder was the worst Idea of my life. In the last 8 month I gained over 22 lbs /10 kg. A lot of shit happend at home and I wasn't there, so I would eat my feelings, I would stay in bed for weeks and eat 10 whole meals a day until I thought I would die from a heart attack because I ate so much. I have a 9 to 5 job in an Office right now, so I dont move a lot. Most days I get up go to Work and have lunch, go back home have dinner, eat a lot of Snacks watch TV go to bed. But since a few weeks I am binge free, I still eat too much and not healthy all the time, but it's getting better slowly and I already lost some Weight. So here are my things that help me.

🌻Accept it.

You have Binge eating disorder, Yeah it sucks, and it's gonna happen again! Nothing sucks more than having this anorexic beauty standart /goal in your head, but binge eating at the same time. But this is where we are right now, so accept it. And dont promise yourself to never binge again, this will put you under pressure and you will most likley binge again! Promise yourself to get better.

🥗 Eat healthy.

All this processed food will lead to more cravings and wont make you full. Also healthy food is lower in calories, more nutrional and will make you feel better.

📺 Eat mindful.

Don't eat in front of any media. If you have time prepare your food and eat slowly. I used to eat every meal while watching something on my Phone, to the point where I couldnt watch something without craving food. Yeah eating in silence is boring but it will stop you from over eating. Also dont eat in your room!

🕛Eat regulary

Try to eat at the same time every Day. That doesnt mean you have to eat exactley at 12pm but try to eat around that time. What Works for me is having 3 big meals a day. But there are so many options like 3 meals two snacks etc. Just try to have a routine. It helps especially when you have trouble knowing when you are hungry or full. I try not to eat after 7pm because I know that thats mostly emotional /binge eating. And dont freak out if something unplanned is happening and you can't eat at that certain time. Its ok thats life. Try again tomorrow.

👭Eat with friends.

Especially when you feel like binging. Call a friend, do a sleepover. Eating with others will stop you from eating like a pig. Maybe you will still overeat but at least not until your stomache hurts.

😴 Get enough sleep.

If you lack of sleep your body is trying to get the energy from food, so you will eat more. Try to get 7-9 hours every night. And have a certain bedtime. I had most of my binges after 10pm but if you sleep you can't eat!

🏡 Get out of the house.

If you are at home it's easier to binge. No one is watching you and you have all the food around you. Try to have something to do every Day. Meet with friends, get a hobby. Even if you have work to do, do it somewhere else like the libary.

🙅Avoid Stress.

Bad feelings like stress will lead to binging. If you have a big project to do and you don't know how to start and you procastinate, that will lead to guild and stress. Start early, ask for help, prepare for a binge. Dont let other people Stress you, especially family members love to tell you how many things you should be doing and how far you are behind and how easy it is to do All of this. Its ok, breathe, especially with Depression and an eating disorder it often feels like you are stuck in life and everyone else figured it out. Its not like that! Your trying! As long as you keep trying you are not stuck!!!

👸Don't compare yourself to others!!!!

This is maybe the most improtant one. Dont compare yourself, yes there are people where it seems like there are perfect, they have all this energy and they are good in everything. But who cares? They are not you, you should only compare yourself with yourself. Everything else will make you feel like you can never do it and you will never be good enough. But if you only Focus on your own progress you will get happy and stay motivated.

🐢 Be slow.

Yes I know we all want to see change as soon as possible. But change takes time. Think about where you would be right now if you made slow but constant progress?! Yeah we see all these people who eat under 1000 calories exercise every day and have straight A's. But you tried that right? It worked for a week and then you binge again. Dont overwhelm yourself Start slow. Start with one challange a week. Set yourself realistic Goals. For example exercise 4 times a week. Thats your goal for the week nothing else. You could stay in bed all Day and eat, as long as you exercise 4 times a week. It works, I promise you wont stay in bed all Day, but if your brain thinks you could then it doesnt feel like restricting and you wont binge. Its So weird but the Moment you tell yourself Im gonna binge again and it's ok, you are less likley to binge. The mindset, I never gonna binge again, is the most dangerous.

⭐Dont be a fucking perfectionist!

I told myself so many times Im gonna eat healthy and then I would eat one drop of olive oil and be like fuck it now Im gonna eat 10.000 calories of junk! There are so many diffrend ways to reach your goal! Not this one perfect way. And even the most perfect people are not always perfect. You dont have to be perfect to reach your goal!!!!!!!! Slow progress!!!! Kill your All or nothing mindest!!

🍕Enjoy your binge.

If you are about to binge, keep calm, Trink some water. Call a friend, prepare your binge food, try to make it more healthy,for example vegan junk food or stuff like hummus and Avocado, wich are tasty and high in calories but healthy. Binging on more healthy food will make you feel better than binging on McDonalds and your skin is not going to break out, also it is hader to eat as many calories with healthy food. Enjoy the food, dont just swallow it!

🚫Dont restrict the day after!

It seems so logic right? I binge, now Im gonna starve the next Day. But this will ALWAYS lead to another binge. Dont skip meals! Move on as if nothing happend!

🤸Learn to fill the void

Lets be honest there are only 2 reason why we binge,1. You don't eat enough and your body is trying to get the nutrition. And 2. you're trying to feel better. Tasty food is releasing Dopamin and we feel good, at least while we are eating. But after you binge you feel disgusting and like a failure. So you have to find something else to fill that void. I read once that for every Bad habit you want to break you need 5 good habits. So find something that makes you happy. Start your Day dancing to your favourite songs. Meet with friends. Exercise. Watch your favourite Show without any distraction. Draw. Masturbate :) whatever makes you happy.

🌈Stay motivated.

Remember, progress is slow. Sometimes you wont see any change, your brain will tell you it's not worth it and to just give up. Remember why you started. Keep a tumblr with stuff that inspires and motivates you, but don’t compare yourself with others! Search for people who have the same problems it's not a race, be Kind to each other motivate each other. And don’t use your whole energy for this one goal, focuse on other things in life, time will go faster that way. Dont search for change in the morrior everyday! You got this!

🍑Hope this helps someone. If you have more Tips please share. If you have questions ask me and if you want to chat, message me.

Sorry for my spelling btw.

#binge eating recovery #bingeeating #anti binge #stop binging #active thinspo #thinspo #eating disorder #healthy eating #motivation #inspiration #me #personal #Depression #overeating #mental health

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smalltownidentity-blog · 5 years

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Finding Who TF I am

From heart crumbling infatuations to tasteless life choices, I have experienced and seen many things by the young age of 21. Yes, young age of 21. We seem to forget that being in our twenties is a time to be selfish and focus on our growth as an individual (and hello, yes we are young!). The concept of only caring about ourselves (being selfish) is such a simple idea but we turn it into such a complex topic. College, working, trade school, in our young adult years is what helps shape us for the long haul. But why is being selfish so hard to obtain? Didn’t we move past the self insecurities put on us in high school? Didn’t we finally “find ourselves”? No. It doesn’t seem that way. And if you think you have found yourself, you are lying. Not just to me (& keep in mind, who am I really to care. I am a stranger) but to yourself. The most important person there is.

I lost myself deeply. I lost myself in the idea of what I needed to be, instead of what I wanted to be. A stigma put on many and is rarely talked about in todays society.

So yeah, I mentally hit rock bottom a week before my 21st birthday. Which was also a week before starting my junior year of college. Life felt like it was crumbling all around me. I let boys and friends control me and my thoughts. I really didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. Many times we do not realized the people surrounding us only feed our toxic habits, the habits that make us “comfortable”, the habits we have been taught to learn and love. These habits do not feed the evolution of who we WANT to be, instead they only fill the never full glass of what we *quote on quote* NEED to be.

Once I hit my version of rock bottom I decided to do the unthinkable, dedicate MY life to ME. And for the last 6 months I have remained single, focused on my physical & mental health, meditated on a daily basis, manifested positive energy, and journaled every single morning (the good and the bad). And let me tell you, this was one of the best & fucking hardest decisions I have ever done for myself AND others. Not only did it help my mental state, but it was one of the first times I ever pulled a 4.0 in college. Go me! But, it is not all flowers and glitter...

It is hard to say no to that cute boy who is most definitely going to take you on an emotional rollercoaster for the next couple of months. It is hard to face demons you have buried so far in the back of your mind for years. It is hard to say no to the ex you have been on and off with for what seems like the entirety of your life. It is hard to have standards when you don’t set any for yourself. It is hard to not answer your friends phone calls when they “need you”. It is hard to wake up early and make yourself a priority everyday. It is hard to acknowledge how you feel. It is hard to skip partying when you know you need sleep. It is hard to skip a week night of drinking or sleeping for a workout. It is hard to stay in your room to study. It is hard to make yourself a healthy dinner when you are exhausted from the day. It is hard to pass on getting black out drunk with your “friends”. It is hard to stop thinking about all the things you wish you could redo from your past. It is hard to not see your family every day. It is hard to cut toxic people out of your life that have been your life support. It is hard to turn down sadness and choose happiness. It is hard to CHOOSE what YOU want, NOT what others want. It is hard to be authentic and encounter rejection. It is hard to find your fucking authentic self.

But, everything listed becomes easy once you find self worth... even if you find just a teenytinybit of it.

Finding yourself is not easy and one of the fucking scariest things you could ever do for you. But if you do not try to find your self worth now, in this very moment, you will have a hell of a hard time to finding it later. If you don’t know your worth, others wont either.

Facing what makes you sad, happy and what makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning is scary. Being truly happy with yourself is scary sometimes, but definitely worth the process. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done AND is a continuous work-in-progress every-damn-day.

It is hard to be optimistic and see people for who they are when you have been in the shade for the majority of your life. But, facing demons is the only way to defeat them, and acknowledging your true self is the only way to make yourself truly happy.

Life is too fucking short to care what others think & live in a fog of doubt and self deprecation.

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legalist217 · 7 years

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Do Voldemort/Snape/Umbridge lmao

I think you’re overestimating my ability to not be creative about the situation, as well as my self-preservation and my interest in women because that’s what makes Umbridge rank worst from an SO perspective. (she’s not even a pretty woman, she’s a super gross woman inside and out, so it does nothing for me on any level, meh, bleh, weh)

This got lengthy so it’s under a cut, you’re welcome, enjoy. And I bothered to put these into exactly no logical canon timeframe.

Well get this out of the way, fake date umbridge. because I will find ways to mortify her. I will drag her to youmacon. I will point out a photograph taken of Nancy Pelosi in a pink suit with all the Senate pages and then assure her that, no, of course you’re just as pretty in your headmistress photo as that Muggle politician is. Why would there even be a comparison. dear. [this is a real photo that we saw being taken at the Capitol when we toured circa HBP’s film coming out; we had to stifle giggles]

And then arrange a scenario where she’s jailed for tax evasion. I’m not marrying the toad; no fifth amendment protections for non-spouse SOs as I recall. I assume MACUSA can ensure she’s put somewhere good and tedious.

(note: this is the only scenario where I envisioned it happening in america)

now, hm. I guess I would slow burn Voldemort because I reckon if you’re his stated enemy, that’s probably not a changeable status. He’s all emotionally stunted in that way. So enemies to lovers doesn’t seem plausible. So, then, I guess I’m some Bellatrix-esque tart, except, well, myself. So rather than wetting myself over THE DAHHK LAWD, I’m just mildly amused at his fascist goals. “That’s a way to do it, I suppose, but hate’s a pretty tedious method to carry on with the world, and let’s remember that you never actually held power long term *ducks AK* so maybe something less... Hitlery? Oh don’t look at me like that, you grew up in muggle-trash London, you know who Hitler is.”

And it goes on and on and on and on and on and it is a slow burn because he’s incapable of love and I think the best we manage for much of the run before the author begins developing carpal tunnel is “I barely tolerate her because she has 0.01% of a point; I tell the others she is too amusing to kill.” At least now I have slytherin creds to brandish to get a foot in the door.

And being endlessly at such a tenuous “I guess that was almost funny, so I won’t murder you?” stage, I don’t have to figure out how to kiss a noseless man or how to deal with a jealous pet snek.

you’re going to regret this

Enemies to lovers is a very tolerable way to deal with Snape, given the options on this playing field. Professors who tell you that your answer is wrong only for the right answer to be “the same thing but because I said it, it’s right” are my least fuckin faves. Snape treads close to that territory.

But again, I have slytherin creds now. I’m also quite impulsive, so I can see myself writing him an annoyed owl after a class detailing specific moments where his behavior decreased the educational advantage to Housemates and how this is him not being a benefit to team and should I go to Dumbledore about this; like give that one gryffindor kid double shit, dude might deserve it for all I know [I am bad at popular gossip when it comes to school IRL], but stop fuckin it up for us and maybe for other students who are genuinely trying, ya pissant. And while Snape is very much a pissant, I think he also cares a lot about the House. And to a degree, his job; he definitely gave a fuck when he was sixteen about teaching potions because he was rewriting the goddamned book.

So, I dunno, maybe I can get through to him. I still get detention for unmitigated sass, but I knew that’d happen. Too bad he doesn’t realize how much I am wont to chat while working. And I have an IRL habit of roping even introverts into talking with me when I’m inclined to. What’s he gonna do, give me more detention? I don’t give a shit. I’ll clean this office and every office. Why the hell not. Castle’s an interesting place. How often do I get an elf’s eye view of the place? And anyway are there any good articles out on lacewing colony collapse disorder, because I hear that might screw over the polyjuice industry? Any good places to write? Lacewings are aptly named, you gotta admit. They need more words devoted to them. And then I force him to read my poetry because who the fuck else here knows about lacewings aside from maybe Hagrid who has automatic distrust of green robes? He tells me it sucks. I grin. (I cry later, but that’s not because he said it, just because no one wants to hear that their poem sucks in such flat words.)

In real life, I’m still in touch with some of my professors after graduation and some of them have outright said they think of me as a friend. I wouldn’t date them, because they are married and I am sensible and they are twice my age and the list goes on. But this is a forced narrative scenario, and given my dating history and its repeated Bad Calls, I can see me writing longer and more detailed letters than just “hey got a new job at Witch Weekly doing book reviews, it’s basically whatever’s on the Prophet’s best-seller list minus anything too difficult for a stay-at-home witch to bother with.” He writes back terse one-liners if I’m lucky. I still write a lot, because it makes me feel better about my sorta boring life.

At some point, I dust off the old lacewing scroll and laugh at how bad it was. But the core idea of hiding oneself in another’s reflection has merit, so I rework it. Dredge up old textbooks to reference other ingredients of common potions, because Moste Potente Potions is still a restricted book so maybe not hinting at the recipe in a poem is a good call. It’s eventually as done as this version’s going to be. I send it to him.

It comes back around Christmas with the word “Better.” swirled in the corner. I tack it to the wall and write more. Sometimes they come back with tiny checkmarks by specific lines. I find myself quietly tallying those, like they’re gold stars and I’m back in primary school. And I have to stifle a gasp when one has a note saying he’d copied a version for himself. I can’t help imagining it pinned up on his fridge, him seeing it every day. That image is childish, but it gets me through bleak times.

It’s a year before a poem I didn’t write comes back to me. It is so laughably bad that I’m in tears of laughter for half the night, but then, reading through it, they end up just tears. Who the fuck is this about, because none of the imagery fits me. It’s all flowers of the valley and gentle prey animals. Drawing from my name would be angels or wolves or birds of prey. Who the fuck, then, is this, and why am I sobbing.

Printed at the bottom is a one-word question: Thoughts?

It’s all I can do not to crumple the stupid parchment and chuck it in the flames. Who is she. Who the hell would put up with such an obnoxious, icy, sneering, greasy, loser? I glance in the mirror. Who indeed.

It’s a pathetic weekend spent balled up under a comforter trying to figure out how to rationally handle whatever the hell this is. But like I said, I’m impulsive. I have just enough Floo powder on hand, as well, and my head pokes out into a dingy flat. I think he nearly blacks out, he’s that startled. He does the many-blinking thing.

I arrive swiftly at the point, which is to say that I sob inelegantly and the tears sizzle amid the flames. But I make my demands known through the mouthfuls of ash, both real and simply felt. Who is this other woman you’d write poetry to.

Black eyes should be flat. His have too much depth at moments like these. There’s too much available to read. I don’t want to know that he knows I’m not crying on his behalf. He runs absent fingers through his hair as he looks at me, a gesture I’d forgotten to miss. Then he explains he wasn’t sure how to title it, which is why there wasn’t one. But it would have been an elegy. His way of burying the past.

I point out that repression isn’t healthy. At least, I think I do. Details are so hazy here in the fire.

He kneels before me and says that is correct, if such be the case. But one must part with the past to allow for new beginnings.

Lips brush there in the flames. And then I’m laughing. He pulls back, and I regret it just a little for how hurt those eyes are. Why do I laugh? “That poem sucked!” I shriek, before dragging myself back through the fires to my own hearth, where I lie laughing hysterically for quite some time.

Years later, Elegy to the Valley is deemed complete. I walk with him as far as the gate, but let him enter the graveyard alone. It is summer, and I trace patterns in the warm metal, trying not to watch his shoulders shaking as he reads it to her. If he needs me, I can be there in a moment. But I would rather watch and mentally write my own poem of this moment instead. He will probably produce something about today as well. We will trade parchments and leave spare, biting comments. But our fingers will interlace at the end of the day. It suffices.

The sky is tinged ruddy gold when he arrives back at the gate. We walk briskly to the end of the street. It’s not that we stand out; he still knows the Muggle ways. Still, this is a leonine place not meant for us. Time we made our excuses and left.

The corner is deserted. I see his eyes wander back over the church and the graves beside. I remind him he can always return. He shakes his head. “This is a parting of the ways.” He takes my hand, and we go twisting into the dark.

so yeah, that’s what shipping me with snape looks like; any questions?

#tara what did you do to me #I don't even have strong feelings about snape #I just sat down and wrote it and now I'm sort of sad for it???#fanfic #long post #alskaichou

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unicornninjabitch · 7 years

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You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

#personal #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #i also mention not eating but it wasnt/isnt like an ed #i dont think so anyway #its mostly me talking about my mental health and being in pain almost always #sorry for another one of these #honestly i might start posting one once a week to get some shit out

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ksmingyu-blog · 7 years

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*waves* late to the party is my middle name aight lets get this party started kiddos hihi I'm Koko and ecstatic to be here at last~ do come say hi to my slow ass and my unfortunate child Mingyu -- he's just gone through some rough stuff but hides it behind a confident indifference & smiles & being too into other people’s business etc you’ll see--

anyhoo profile here (wip tbh) & background.. to remain undisclosed cause it's trash you don't need it, live in the suspense ha. take a look at my rules tho thanks I'm working on the rest bear with me, a snail supreme. do proceed forward for some random tidbits of info I guess?? also come plot with me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

so ye his family is mega rich and he's super spoiled always got what he wanted, mainly because he just asked for it ( nicely mind you he ain't one of those whiny sons of bishes ) and his parents were the worst they set little to no limits and apparently were incapable of denying him anything ever. not that he had to fight for stuff to begin with lmao

buuuut they were also very distant when it came to anything else other than making sure he was dutifully studying, which they put aggressive focus on. keyword 'aggressive'

used to accidentally say insensitive shit to people because he had no sense of tact back then honestly all his parents ever commented was how cute he was and gave him a pat on the head while sneering at the 'lesser beings' like what type of adulting

this all totally flew over his head though he never meant anything bad by the words and he just wanted to be friends with everyone and wished everyone was happy and had all the things he had bless this boy

he shared a lot of his stuff with his lil sis too simply because he wanted to. Mingyu adored her to space and back -- still does

the only loving, genuine, healthy and lasting relationship he's ever truly had is with his sister. would die for her. no hesitation.

literally his childhood as homeschooling started was just STUDYSTUDYSTUDY seven days a week his parents and teachers pretty much ran him to the ground before boy was even eight

he went to private schools for middle & high school. mostly focusing on studying still but as he had more freedom to do as he pleased without having anyone monitoring his every move he started making friends and stuff and wanting more-- it was a ride to say the least, he learned some wanted to befriend him just for his money which was hurtful tbh but also he doesn’t blame them?? much? only thing that really got to him in the long run was that everyone wanted something from him and had ulterior motives so he’s definitely prone to having some trust issues.

fast forward some years and his life is pretty much set for him by his parents and Mingyu has no say in it whatsoever, he will go to the school they picked ( paid their way in because honey you're great but we can't take risks this is very important for your future and interests... ) and major in what they want and get a damn scholarship if it kills him and he's realized there's no way out this is his price for having everything, he's living just to fulfil his parent’s goals and whims

so he acts like the good son and starts college and studies like mad because that's what he's accustomed to but also almost out of spite and sense of justice and wanting to show them-- show everyone who whispers behind his back about how he got into the school that he'll earn the grades by himself thank you very much

but he's so angry?? still?? and he's not the only one okay yeah so this small squad forms of all these justice seeking kids who never wanted this crycry ( i feel the need to point out Mingyu was partially happy to be in such a prestigious school but none of it was him ) and they start plotting all kinds of shit right yeah lets just say it got out of hand fast. real fast. if he learned something from the experience it was that money can buy you a whole lot of things, fun and pleasure, friends, but it doesn't buy you out of trouble. especially when it's made public-- BUT so hey keep in mind tho this was swept under the rug quick so it didn’t really spread anywhere.. save kids telling it forward but anyway you're curious aren't you hA keep guessing

he's humiliated, kicked out of the school right before Christmas, and now his parents are raging and a breath away from actually disowning him -- lbr they would neVER, just to save face. but they give him a last chance to redeem himself months later-- funny that, he's back to where he started, except in a worse school, with less value, less of everything, no friends ( not that he would call the ones from before any such now, fake hoes the lot of them ) and this time he has no support to speak of from anyone, much less parents beside a small fund ( let it be said this 'small fund' is still ridiculous compared to anyone struggling with their income like... his family has such distorted concept about spending money ) and orders on what they expect by the end of this school career at Keisung. namely that he's learned his lesson or some shit honestly Mingyu is over it by now he's just focusing on surviving and pawing way for himself and trying to find some resemblance of reason behind this entire farce

RELEVANT INFO;; throughout the 2 years he's never gone home for holidays, he never gets calls from his parents or anything else, only his sister keeps in contact with him regularly and has even visited ( in secret ). but his mom does text him when there's some important event he's expected to attend because they still expect certain things from him and his future. so he might be gone a random night and be EXREMELY moody/snappy/sensitive the next day...s. ye. it is not spoken of. don't ask. he wont tell anyway. it just fucks him up a lil, being any amount of time in the presence of his parents is like taking three steps back and he needs to bounce back from it. honestly this boy needs therapy. a way out. something. friends.

tbh he's in the way to becoming good in compartmentalizing, instead of dissociating which is.. good? I guess? progress??? like boy is so out of touch with his emotions to begin with don't even get me started-- it's kinda unstable progress all around he gets these pouts of sudden EMOTIONS and then tries to smother them bc he's so used to thinking he's not allowed to feel or express any of it

freshman year was utter hell for him, beside feeling dead exhausted over months of.. abuse, to put it nicely, and focusing more on healing and trying to adapt and keep afloat-- he also quickly learned to keep his mouth shut and stay in his corner and avoid any more trouble than he's been in already because it really did nothing to help his nerves-- the damage was done though and he was a target for a while until the storm calmed and he was more or less forgotten

just to twist the knife in his lungs his parents donated to the school and it was made public :)

by the end of the first year he made a resolution, refusing to step down and act a coward any longer, gaining back lost confidence ( be it fool's kind ) and tried to make himself an actual presence within the Inferiors, a title and group he detested before-- still does but tries to accept now cause there's little else he can do and isolating oneself is less than safe in this school. which is something he did throughout the first year pretty much. I mean a lot of it was also because he didn't have the energy to deal with people, needing space and shit

so yeah now as he's close to his junior year Mingyu has been making a name for himself sorta nothing grand but he's been more involved, more out there, giving less fucks yet still very cautious but that is only healthy in this environment

following that he's now stepping in as a second in command of the inferiors!! fun times I'm sure. also I totally assume the previous one was a senior who graduated? yeah roll with it

basically he tries to steer clear of conflicts while promoting healthy self assurance -- and not caring about what any jealous idiot spits at you-- giving a helping hand to the younger ones cause from own experience he's decided he might as well do something about this crappy social construct ruling the academy that does no good for anyone. but also if you come for him, if you come for ANY of them, he ain't gonna make it that easy

also he's a newly appointed student council treasurer, calling out shitty financial decisions by everyone and anyone cause while he likes to spend and throw his own money around ( old habits die hard ) for simple pleasures he's smart enough to know to do such only because he can afford to

he's totally a justified asshole about it too if you're trying to start beef when before he stayed silent and just took it now he's barking back he's taking none of that shit anymore oh you're a piss poor envious monkey too bad bye. all the while smiling cause he was raised with proper manners >_> but if you're really actually in need of money and ask nicely he might help. just might. not necessarily for free but ya know

joined the taekwondo class halfway through sophomore year. try him bitch. I dare. actually pls don't he's a sensitive soul in need of some lovin ha HA.

anyhoo backtracking to boyhood-- parents made him take piano lessons for no other reason that to boast BUT SIKE he really got into it and once he had that down he was allowed to pick another instrument. Lemme tell you he's basically a pro pianist he's taken lessons and played it for over 14 years-- except he stopped awhile back cause it's so.. bad memories. even tho he loves it?? it's just a mush of conflict ok. another one he's quite handy with is cello with more than 7 years of experience. tried violin for a good 2 years. later on got interested and switched to traditional korean instruments of which he's played the komungo about 6 years, and haegeum since he started at Keisung pretty much.

music is kinda like an escape. not kinda, IT IS.

his music taste is just all over the place too don't even ask me he likes all sorts of glitch hop and chill edm and synthwave and jazz and post-rock and hiphop meets classical and indie plus some kpop groups

speaking of, he's done a handful of piano and cello covers of popular and less so songs that he posted on youtube over some years back honhon

I'm absolutely going to make this a plot in the future someone should nudge him back into playing piano too, or better yet lure him into creating a band or some shit

has a decent singing voice, it's not trained despite having taken a few lessons but he's ridiculously insecure about it lmao you'll never catch him doing anything more than humming and mouthing words.

also his recommendation for any song mixing regardless of genre will deadass be "needs more stringstrument"

did ballet for 5 years could probably dropkick you without a hair out of place. not that he would. unless you give him reason to. that wasn't an invite

likes drinking, doesn't smoke, has tried party drugs here and there but--- as this all is part of what landed him in this mess he's a little more.. careful. 'little' being relative word here

motto might as well be "party hard, live harder" or something. which isn't as healthy as it might sound

so music acts as a de-stressing tool sometimes but also sex works he's not picky-- I mean yes he is with bed partners if you don't know what you're doing don't even bother. kinda freaky. and mouthy. but very attentive?? I'm just. gonna. leave that as a notion.

a health preacher to a point, will bitch about everyone's unhealthy habits. regularly exercises and eats all his veggies too. but also the kind to forget to eat for hours cause he was "too busy studying".

gets headaches though if he overworks himself, prone to stressing when he's overwhelmed

he's lactose intolerant jsyk

drinks coffee like it's oxygen -- contrary to popular belief he's not a regular at the nearest Starbucks, but instead visits this smaller cafe that makes bomb sea salt cream iced coffee he orders with coconut cream & half coconut sugar half whatever flavored syrup he's craving, with 2 shots of espresso.... yes. pretentious as hell but it's tasty sue him

lovesloveslooooves to play overwatch! tho he's not the best when it comes to technique and stuff but it's just fun ey for those who know anything about the game his fav heroes be d.va ( obviously ) sombra, zenyatta, lucio & symmetra ( more lore wise than playing -- meanwhile mun is all up in her ass in both aspects )

idk this is a damn novel already you get the idea ye just come to me so we can plot uwu I’m totally down and in fact craving for some pre-est too *winkwink*

#(♟⁎･ﾟ ooc.)#// says live in suspense-- ends up typing twice as much. go figure #// kudos to whoever crazy read all that my hand just slipped oops #// also a heads up I'm skipping the reunion event.. probably.. we'll see once we gotten somewhere with this baby #// thanks for the welcome messages!! I'll get to you in a bit~#keisungintro

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fearofaherobrine · 7 years

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Roleplay Server Log #182

“Liu and Jane visit BEN, Jeff's Regret, Grinny and Gk”

[Jeff] Is walking with Grinny heading towards the bar-

[liu] so jane is there anything you want to do while your hear?

[Jane] - I'm assuming you mean other than beating the crap out of Jeff?

[liu] yea

[Jane] - Well, Slender did mention having one of us check on BEN...

[liu] we can go head over now if you would like

[Jane] Sighs- Might as well...

[liu] I bet you can meet hyrule and ben's girlfriend aven

[Jane] - Joy...

[liu] -stands up from siting- i'll show you where they live

[Jane] Motions for him to lead the way-

[liu] -head out the door holding it for jane-

[Jane] Walks outside-

[liu] -closes the door behind them then starts to let them down the road- aven isn't to bad of a person.

[Jane] - If what you said is true, and she's a female BEN, then I somehow doubt that

[liu] from what I know she is also part another human which is where the female part comes from.

[Jane] - We'll see...

[liu] -leads them to the savanna the house is right up ahead- that's their house oh and the main part of the house is a brine's house.

[Jane] - Another one?

[liu] she is a female her name is gem she looks very different from any other brine she has a bunch of different body parts from diffrent animals

[Jane] - And I care about her why?

[liu] we might run into her first before we can see ben

[Jane] - Just get me to BEN

[liu] -leads them though the gate eddy and Edward are running around outside the guardians are watching them-

[Jane] Ignores them, more focused on her job-

[eddy and Edward] -approach jane and speaks English- hello. friend.

[Jane] - The fuck are these things?

[liu] they are baby Enderman which is a mob in this game. -starts heading towards the door-

[Jane] - Ugh

[eddy and Edward] -follow after liu-

[Jane] Keeps an eye on the Guardians, not sure about what they are-

[snake] -is on the railing by the front door- hello

[Jane] Ignores Snake-

[snake] you seem grouchy

[Jane] - Liu... Where is he?

[liu] -points to the tree house- up there

[Jane] - Oh fucking joy...

[gem] -comes to the door and opens it knowing they are there because the guardians told her- hello liu and hello liu's friend i'm gem.

[liu] hey gem.

[Jane] - We are not friends

[gem] -whispers to liu- is she a creepypasta?

[liu] yes

[gem] so what brings you guys here?

[Jane] - Slender wants one of us to check on BEN

[gem] -hold the door open- well then come on in to get to the tree house just take the stairs up and at the end of the hall there s a door to the bridge to the tree house. I would knock first ben has been defensive about hyrule.

[Jane] Walks past Gem without another word, heading up the stairs and towardsthe bridge-

[liu] thank you gem -follows jane-

[Jane] Gets across the bridge and bangs harshly on the door-

[aven] what the fuck?!

[BEN] Growls a little, hoping the noise didn't wake Hyrule-

[Jane] - BEN! Open this door!

[liu] jane calm down it's just a door he can hear you

[aven] -gets up to open the door and opens it- hello?

[Jane] - Where's BEN, I've been sent to check up on him

[aven] he is here but be quieter you'll wake hyrule -open's to door to let jane and liu in-

[Jane] Strides past and approaches BEN- There you are you little fucker

[BEN] - Well hello to you to cunt

[liu] -follows in but is quiet-

[aven] -checks on hyrule luckily he wasn't woken by jane-

[BEN] Is growling at Jane-

[Jane] - Look neither pf us are happy with interacting, but Slender wanted an update. What the fuck do you want me to tell him?

[BEN] - How the hell should I know?

[liu] -looks at hyrule in the crib and whisper- he is super cute

[aven] -whispers back- he is our angel who apparently loves water

[BEN] - Look, just tell Slender that I've been keeping busy and surprisingly out of trouble, okay?

[Jane] - And what about that thing?- Motions towards Hyrule

[BEN] - My son is not a thing!

[Jane] - Whatever... What should I tell Slender about it?

[aven] that he should stay away from him

[Jane] - Relax, he's not interested in coming here... Yet...

[BEN] - Good

[Jane] Sniffs at the air- The fuck is that smell?

[aven] we need to give hyrule a bath again but ben doesn't want him to get anywhere near water even through he need to.

[BEN] - NO WATER!

[aven] he is an over protective father.

[Jane] - Never expected that from you shorty

[BEN] - I AM NOT SHORT!

[aven] he is a great father -kisses ben on the cheek- and he isn't short he is the perfect height.

[Jane] - He's short

[BEN] - I will drown you!

[aven] he is tall when it matters the most and always big -waggles eyebrows-

[Jane] - Ugh, I did not need to think of that little perverts junk

[aven] what house did you think you where stepping into

[Jane] - With BEN involved? No clue

[BEN] - Well fuck you to bitch

[liu] jane maybe we should leave before ben drowns us both?

[Jane] - Awww, is little Liu scared?

[liu] no I am just not in the mood to hit respawn right now because ben got pissed even though I was just standing here

[Jane] - See, this is why Jeff won't connect with you, your too much of a weakling

[liu] well then why don't you connect

[Jane] - You do realize he's the one that set me on fire, right?

[BEN] - Oh face it, you and Jeff wanna fuck

[liu] yes but you can't stand next to each other with out trying to hit each other.

[Jane] - Because we hate each other

[BEN] - Bullshit!

[Jane] - BEN shut up!

[liu] why is it so bullshit ben?

[BEN] - Because they want to fuck but just wont admit it

[Jane] - BEN I WILL STAB YOUR CHILD!

[BEN] Growls darkly- Don't you lay a finger on Hyrule...

[liu] she has a right to be mad about being burnt

[BEN] - Yeah but it was years ago... Are you even aware of how long you've been dead?

[liu] no not really just that it was a long time but she still has the right

[BEN] - You'll see what I mean eventually

[liu] she was still hurt from what jeff did so she can be mad even take the grudge to the grave if she wants to

[Jane] - Fuck this, I'm out of here

[liu] -follows jane-

[Jane] - Why are you still following me?

[liu] because I care about you

[Jane] - Well stop it, I need to think

[liu] are you sure you can stay at my place for now if you need to so you don't accidently get caught out in the dark when the mobs come

[Jane] - Positive...

[liu] then I will be heading back to my place -starts heading to his house-

[Jane] Heads towards the roots of the giant tree-

[Jeff] Enters the bar with Grinny, putting the cat on the counter- Something strong, now

[Sam] Obliges and hands Jeff a bottle of whiskey-

[Gk] Stirs from a shadow - Well look who came slinking back...

[Jeff] Scowls at GK- The fuck do you want?

[Gk]Nothing really. Though I am curious.... what's with the little naked cat in the sweater?

[Jeff] - That would be Grinny, and he normally has fur, but after that Damn Doctor got to him, the poisoning that was done to him started having an affect again

[Grinny] - Stupid LJ

[Gk] Ah. So another creepypasta cat. And that looks like the handiwork of a certain overly friendly Steve...

[Jeff] - I don't know, he was like this when I got here

[Gk] Doesn't he talk or anything? Cp can at least write on stuff.

[Grinny] - That damn doctor made it so I could be understood

[Gk] Heh, sounds like a favor to me. You like drinking?

[Grinny] - No, I rather dislike the taste... Unless it's wine

[Sam] Eyeridges go up.

[Gk] Wine? Don't it make you sick?

[Grinny] - No... At least, it didn't... I don't know about now...

[Gk] It's all free here if you wanna try.

[Sam] Looks at the cat curiously.

[Gk] Cp gets in the rumchata pretty frequently when he's in his cat shape.

[Grinny] - He could never pull off being a cat

[Gk] What, like behavior-wise? He seems to have the scratching the shit out of people down pat. He's also no stranger to peeing on people and things that anger him. If you listen close when he's happy he purrs too. Even in his human shape.

[Grinny] - Those are easy to replicate, our natural grace however, not so much

[Gk] Haha, yeah, he ain't too graceful. Unless he's making Sam nervous.

[Sam] Huffs-

[Gk] He likes to do shit like sashay around the bottles like he might knock em all down.

[Grinny] - And if he were a real cat, he would be knocking them down

[Gk] Shame! That's a waste of good shit. Red wine or white?

[Grinny] - Red

[Sam] Fusses around and pours a bit of red wine in a shallow bowl.

[Grinny] Sniffs at it before licking it- This will do

[Gk] Well Jeff? You gonna join us? Or just jet off again because you 'hate it here'

[Jeff] - That fucking bitch Jane is here

[Gk] Can't you talk about anything else? You're obsessed. It ain't healthy man.

[Jeff] - And why shouldn't I talk about the bitch?

[Gk] Why should you? Nothing going on in your life except talking about her?

[Jeff] - Well Slender hasn't been letting me out to kill recently...

[Gk] How come? You grounded fer not cleaning your room?

[Jeff] - It's because Insanity isn't there anymore... He's worried that I'll die

[Gk] Dummy.... you won't, you'll just respawn here. And Doc ain't gonna stop you running right back out again if you want.

[Jeff] - Plus there's fucking Liu...

[Gk] So? Cp avoids his brother all the time. Seems to be a bad creepypasta habit.

[Jeff] - But Mine won't leave me alone

[Gk] Eh. Family is annoying. My brother pisses me off too.

[Jeff] - I can drink to that

[Gk] Cheers! Know what I do about it?

[Jeff] - Kill him?

[Gk] No! I fucking hide here! This is a great place to go if you want to be left the fuck alone. You can always strike out and find total wilderness less then a days walk in any direction.

[Jeff] - Yeah I have no interest in that- Starts chugging his whiskey

[Gk] You would if your brother was a digital diety with a sadistic streak like mine fucking is....

[Jeff] Scoffs- Sounds like CP's father

[Gk] Huh? Oh! You don't know!

[Gk] Cp's dad wasn't the one that tried to scrag him. It was an imposter. Fucking Insanity actually prevented his real dad's girlfriend from saving him.

[Jeff] - Well that sounds like a complex story

[Gk] Takes a long drink - Yeah... his real dad died recently... seemed like a nice enough guy. Poor bastard.

[Jeff] - And this imposter?

[Gk] Grins horribly - Not dead yet. But he will be. The brines here sharpened their swords quite recently on TLOT's NOTCH. Obliterated him with a team effort.

[Jeff] - Can they erase a bitch for me?

[Gk] She just ain't that into you man. You need to wake up. Seriously.

[Jeff] - What makes you think I'm into her!? I hate her guts!

[Gk] Then why are you talking about her again?

[Jeff] - Because I know she's around and I can't help it!

[Gk[ Obsess much?

[Jeff] - Shut up! It's not like I feel guilty for what I did to her or anything...

[Gk] You should. Even I think it's a dick move. At least here if you set someone on fire they respawn with no lasting damage. You fuck somebody up like that in the real world...

[Jeff] - Hey! I gave her her clothes, and wig... and mask afterwards...

[Gk] Whoopty shit. That isn't any kind of apology, not that that would suffice anyway. I would have put you through a meat grinder.

[Jeff] - I gave her a new life... She wasn't happy with her old one... Any idiot could see that!

[Gk] Bullshit. This wasn't some agreement you made. Stop acting like it wasn't a crazy act. Selfish as hell too.

[Jeff] - Shut up!- He throws his bottle at GK

[Gk] Deflects the bottle and it shatters on the floor-

[Sam] Gives Jeff a hard look-

[Gk] Oh you wanna fight since I told you some shit you didn't wanna hear?

[Jeff] - I just... I just... I didn't want to be alone...

[Gk] Tough shit. Most people don't wanna be alone, but that ain't the way to make friends.

[Jeff] - BE QUIET!

[Gk] Fuck you! I ain't some kid you can boss around. I'll roast your ass like a sausage. You need to grow the fuck up.

[Jeff] Lunges at GK-

[Gk] His hands burst into twin fireballs and he holds them up in Jeffs way. - How about a little fire for you asshole?

[Jeff] Immediately halts, his mind flashing back to when he was set on fire-

[Gk] Heh... It's not so fun on the recieving end huh? Now back the fuck off, or you'll regret it.

[Jeff] - Fuck you, it was fire that made me like this in the first place

[Gk] Then why the hell would you do it to someone else, you arrogant little shitstain?!

[Jeff] - So she'd be beautiful... Like me

[Gk] You're delusional.

[Jeff] - What? I'm fucking gorgeous! Why wouldn't I want to share that?

[Gk] You're nuts... even without Insanity.

[Jeff] - Go to hell

[Gk] Idiot. That's where I was born.

[Jeff] Growls in frustration and heads for the door- Grinny, you coming or staying?

[Grinny] - I am quite content here

[Jeff] - Fine, whatever

[Gk] Huffs and snuffs out his hands - I didn't used to be much for defending the weak...but babysitting kids.... it changes everything.... Shit. If he set one of our little dragons on fire I'd, flay evey pixel of skin off his body and roast him alive.

[Sam] Nods in agreement-

[Grinny] - Ironically, he's better partnered up with Jane even though BEN is his partner

[Gk] That's probably just because they're similar pastas, it don't mean he gets to date her ass.

[Grinny] - They really do have a love hate relationship, we have a running bet as to when they'll fuck

[Gk] Okay, even I think that's gross. But then... I'm an ace too. I ain't into all that relationship and sexual shit.

[Sam] Scribbles on a sign and holds it up - She just needs to find someone who'll treat her better. Mal or fem or herm.

[Grinny] - As far as we can tell those two were sweet on each other before everything happened, but after being burned alive, bullied, watching family go to jail for them... Well, shit happens

[Gk] Yeah... he's carrying a torch for something that's long since dead. Reminds me of fucking Steffan. People need to get over shit. Nobody owes them love.

[Grinny] - Oh? So this makes me curious, what do you think of my brethren with mates?

[Gk] Eh. BEN and Aven seem to have a decent thing going. Cp and Lie.... well.... I feel like she deserves better. But it's kinda too late. She traded her freedom for Cp's hostages. So I'm just helping the others try to force him to be a decent husband. Knowing that if she punched him he'd probably lose his head helps motivate the affair as well.

[Grinny] - I see... I saw how he was with her at the manor, it was far more protectiveness and emotion than I'd ever seen him show before

[Gk] He's improving, he just needs to get over his weird possessive thing. She's her own person, that's how it should be.

[Grinny] - That might be the pasta part of him, from what I've seen, all pasta's are very possessive of their mates for their mates safety. If they were to show disinterest, the other pasta's might try to attack the mate

[Gk] Anyone who attacks her is in for a nasty shock even if he's not around... Herobrines, even weak brines, we're powerful. She's no exception.

[Grinny] - Interesting...- He stretches a little and yawns- Well if you ever want dirt on my housemates, do not hesitate to ask

[Gk] Haha awesome. I like a good gossip session! Blame Sweet Alex. She always knows way more then she lets on.

[Grinny] - I may have to visit her then

[Gk] Go for it, she loves cats,and she'll totally go bananas over your cute little sweater. Her house is the purple one and she'll always feed strays...hah, myself included.

[Grinny] - Duly noted, but for now, a nap is in order

[Sam] Gives Grinny a gentle scratch around the ears with hir bony fingers

[Gk] Sounds good to me. - Flops in a booth -

[Sam] Discrete eyeroll

[Grinny] Hisses at Sam-

[Sam] Is used to this and goes for the chin scratch instead.

[Grinny] Tries biting- STOP THAT!

[Sam] Chuckles and backs off to go polish the other end of the bar.

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timclymer · 5 years

Text

Top 5 Headache Triggers

Hmm… Headaches. A few people I know are famous for giving me some!

But for those of you who suffer from headaches often, today I will provide some pain relief for you, and you WONT have to spend money or ingest pills.

Speaking of spending money… Did you know that North Americans spend $4 billion/year on off-the-shelf pain relievers? And a quarter of that amount goes towards head-ache relief pills. Isn’t that shocking? No wonder so many people have chemical imbalances and serious health problems. First thing you need do is STOP taking so many drugs. Prevention should be your top priority (which is what we’ll discuss here).

If that doesn’t work, seek natural remedies… not band-aid solutions. A naturopathic doctor is a great start. Drugs have their place, in a time of emergency, but regularly you can seek a more healthier solution to your problem.

OK on with the Top 5 list.

1. Stress: This one should be obvious. Is there anything that stress DOESN’T cause? It’s a repeat offender in many health related cases and headaches are NO exception! If you suffer from stress, then do something about it! Oh and believe me, the ONLY person who can cure stress from your life is YOU. Drugs do not cure stress, they merely change your chemistry and nothing else.

First, find your SOURCE of stress… Then create an action plan to nip that problem at the bud. Don’t dilly-dally around! Stress causes your nerves to get all frayed… Which causes tension. This tension leads to headaches and can also trigger migraines.

Ha, well that’s got to suck! You see there is a reason I don’t get many headaches. Here are some of my favorite cures for stress-related headaches:

” Workout. That’s right, get that behind up and moving! I notice that when I workout I am clam, relaxed and free. All that heavy breathing causes oxygen to rush to my brain and I feel at ease. It’s a proven fact that working out is a great stress reliever.

” Meditate. Yup… I meditate. I can even float while doing so. You might not reach the same level of deep mental connection but still… Take 5 minutes and take deep breaths while thinking about NOTHING. Can you do that? (Hint: it’s MUCH harder than it sounds. Try it… Try thinking about NOTHING. Empty your mind)

” Do something you like. Take some time off; Watch a movie, play a game, spend some time with those that like being around you (god forbid). I like to read books, grab a beer with the boys, do some gymnastics, play a video game or two, write… Etc.

2. Your Eating Habits: This one is simple to understand yet is probably the hardest one to fix since most people do NOT have healthy eating habits. Think about it for a second… If you eat junk, you will FEEL like junk. It doesn’t take doctors, scientists or studies to prove this fact… although they have, just in case you weren’t convinced for some odd reason.

Some foods or ingredients that cause headaches: processed meats, caffeine, red wine, chocolate, citrus fruits, processed cheese, snow peas and monosodium glutamate (MSG).

3. Eye Strain: Let’s accept it, we live in the 21st century. Computers aren’t for science geeks and loners anymore. They are an essential tool in our daily part of life and if you cannot use one… Then I don’t know how you are reading this.

So what’s my point? My point is don’t stop using computers all together but TAKE BREAKS. Were not MEANT to look at a bright screen for hours. In fact, the easiest way to do this is have a timer, every 90 minutes it should go off where you get up and take a 15-20 minute break.

Eye strain is not only from computers though, if you have bad vision and don’t have corrective lenses or glasses… This will cause major headaches. Personally I need contacts to see things in the distance, and if I go for too long without them my head starts to feel wonky because I’m trying just too damn hard to make out what’s happening.

Make sure your vision is corrected properly.

4. Sleep: This one will surprise you. Getting too LITTLE sleep or too MUCH sleep can cause headaches. So basically… Don’t be a moron and run on 3 hours of sleep and don’t be a chump and stay in bed for 14 hours. Stick to your body clock and make sure you get 8-10 hours per night… And STICK TO IT. Even on holidays.

5. Sitting: Yeah… Who woulda guessed? Sitting for too long or being lazy can cause headaches! This is specially true when you are seated for too long in an awkward position (such as an uncomfortable chair). This can cause your muscles to tense up and give you tension headaches.

Fixing this is easy… Get up every now and then and stretch, move around, do a light workout, etc.

If you are at an office, go over to that cute girl at the front desk and strike up a conversation and teach her a small dance move. Go on…she won’t mind.

The point is, do something to get that body moving.

So there you have it… I just saved the folks that buy pain-relievers like candy about $1 billion dollars annually. I’ll gladly accept that as a donation within the next 48 hours. In return I’ll fly you down for a personal coaching session. I think that’s pretty fair.

Also, realize that those tips are ACTIVE steps you would need to take if you suffer from headaches, but what if you took PROPER preventative measures… so that you did not have to deal with those problems in the first place?

That is why you need to incur a lifestyle that is ALREADY active and naturally healthy and therefore your headache problems will disappear.

Source by Sahil M

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/top-5-headache-triggers/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/185596860830 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

#Home Solutions FOREV

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homesolutionsforev · 5 years

Text

Top 5 Headache Triggers

Hmm… Headaches. A few people I know are famous for giving me some!

But for those of you who suffer from headaches often, today I will provide some pain relief for you, and you WONT have to spend money or ingest pills.

OK on with the Top 5 list.

Ha, well that’s got to suck! You see there is a reason I don’t get many headaches. Here are some of my favorite cures for stress-related headaches:

Some foods or ingredients that cause headaches: processed meats, caffeine, red wine, chocolate, citrus fruits, processed cheese, snow peas and monosodium glutamate (MSG).

Make sure your vision is corrected properly.

Fixing this is easy… Get up every now and then and stretch, move around, do a light workout, etc.

If you are at an office, go over to that cute girl at the front desk and strike up a conversation and teach her a small dance move. Go on…she won’t mind.

The point is, do something to get that body moving.

That is why you need to incur a lifestyle that is ALREADY active and naturally healthy and therefore your headache problems will disappear.

Source by Sahil M

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/top-5-headache-triggers/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

#Home Solutions Forev

0 notes