#i just wanna delete tumblr and every site forever and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shinesurge · 2 years

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I don't want to be all "hello random stranger, I think your art is cool please give me advice", but I saw your webtoons post and I'd like to ask where/how you'd recommend putting webcomics on the web? For me and also for my friend who does have a comic on webtoon.

Hi! you're good, I don't mind talking about this at all haha

Before Webtoon got to be a thing the usual procedure for making a comic was to start out posting pages on your social media for a while so you could test the waters before making the jump to a dedicated site. That way you could build up a little bit of a reader base on an existing platform who would be interested enough to make the extra click, maybe start generating some revenue to pay for the real site, but also you got the chance to see if you even want to make comics without dumping too much time and effort into a site. I posted Kidd Commander pages on deviantart (now deleted) and its tumblr blog for about six months before I decided to change over, but to be honest if it's just a hobby or it suits you you can keep doing that forever if you want.

Personally, I think if your comic is important to you (and ESPECIALLY if you're getting income from it) I would strongly suggest making a home for it that you own. Make your own website and funnel people to it from social media. I know that's a tall order for a lot of reasons, but if you really can't do it, Drunk Duck is fairly reliable option that even lets you customize your vanity links and such. It's also not a terrible idea to MIRROR your comic on other sites as long as you have at least one independent place, although the quality of your reader base varies wildly between locations. There's your answer from Me Personally, but I wanna talk about why I'm so adamant about this so people reading this can make more informed decisions maybe.

Hosting and making your own website is always the safest thing you can do for a project. I don't know how well-known this is outside of the webcomics community but an issue we have come up every few years is that The Current Aggregate Site, like tapas or webtoon or even patreon, gets big enough that they decide to throw queer/marginalized voices under the bus for the sake of advertising. The biggest one I recall was Tapastic leaving a lot of queer creators in the lurch because their (then new) rules about smut pinged queer content too, as these rules tend to. If you'd built up your comic's following and community on this website it could all just disappear, you lost your archive and your comic's following and had to start over. Patreon has been tightening its policy on 'indecent media' for years too. Even tumblr, arguably the best social site for hosting a comic rn, is unstable because the site is so glitchy and unstable. I had a friend have to painstakingly rearrange their archive because a tumblr update jumbled all the pages overnight, and that's small compared to getting your blog randomly deleted. Webtoon already DEEPLY disrespects comics as a medium and has no love for small creators, given they make most of their ad money from Scandalous Content I don't know what their Moment will look like but I assure you it'll happen like it does everywhere. There's that saying about how if a service is free then you're the product; if you establish your webcomic in a place you don't own they can take that product away at any time. Along those lines, you're also tied to their ship if it ever goes down.

Webcomics has always been a medium for voices that are unwelcome in the mainstream, and that means we need to be careful about who we throw our lot in with because all these companies WILL sell us out when they get the chance. We cannot rely on them to take care of us. It's incredibly difficult to build a following, and building it in a place that could disappear as rules change over time pivots neatly into a hostage situation. Getting people to visit an independent site is definitely more difficult! But I've always been able to rest much easier whenever these periodic upheavals happen because my community has a place to reconvene and my archive is safe no matter what I post. The quality OF that community is also much higher since everybody is actively choosing to be there, I'm not just borrowing people who happen to be on an unrelated site anyway, and honestly not having to tailor my comic's story around a company's guidelines fucking rules lmao

Webcomics is a bizarre landscape these days and I'm certainly no authority on what every individual should do. Maybe your friend is just posting for fun and webtoon works for them! There's nothing wrong with using tumblr indefinitely if you're comfortable with that! Everyone's different. But if you're serious and want to have the most control over your work, try to own it all the way down. I hope some of this was helpful! Best of luck with your comics!

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vhagarlovebot · 11 months

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I dont know if you know about this new law that kight take effect its called the kosa act its a way to censor kids from ao3 wattpad and tumblr, they plan of banning and deleting these site forever, losing our fandom spaces and im trying to inform every fanfic writer i know bc your work is important and i dont want to let it go, we connect as a community with our obsessions no one else can understand im super sad and stressed out I just wanted you to know!

bestie when i read this i was literally PANICKING!!! but theeen i did some research and talked with a friend, and learned that this is has been going on for years. it is scary, not gonna lie! but i don’t wanna freak out :( we’re gonna manifest this thing doesn’t move forward or i don’t know what we all are going to do.

#you’ve got mail #anon

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oddmerit · 2 years

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i dont wanna drop off the face of social media forever but boy wouldnt it be nice to have the sort of brain that DIDNT feel the need to compulsively scroll every 30 minutes when im trying to sit down and get work done and i could simply pick and choose to sparingly use those sites so i have time for literally anything else in my life

i grew up on algorithm-less tumblr and deeply abhor instagram and tiktok (i dont even have tiktok and instagram is so overstimulating i cant use it for more than 5 minutes) so its not the algorithm of these sites that drag me in, it's the desire to keep tabs on people i have never even followed but are adjacent to a lot of the people i DO follow by going directly to their pages and reading all of THEIR tweets and [redacted for legitimately weird things i do with that information].

plus my brain is a tiny fucking toddler that hates being told what to do mixed with a particularly sneaky 13-year-old that loves to circumvent all of the barriers i put up to try and make myself focus on the task at hand. i literally redownloaded chrome and logged into tumblr just so i could make this post because my forest app extension on firefox, my phone, and my ipad block me from accessing tumblr while they're going. i have three siteblockers going simultaneously and my brain was so compelled to Scroll and Post i went around all of them. i remember one time when i was younger i had a siteblocker on tumblr.com going so i could do some homework, but i could still go directly to people's blogs because the subdomain of [username].tumblr.com wasnt blocked. i paginated through at least 100 pages of some random person's blog because my brain was holding me captive and didnt want to do homework

i dont even know what to do at this point. deleting my social media entirely is out of the question bc i have a decade+ of art, memories, etc that i want to hold onto, and its also the main way i interact with people bc socializing normally feels like pulling teeth

anyways. any tips people have on redirecting your brain to things you Need To Work On or even Want To Work On like hobbies or art whenever your brain is screaming that it wants the baby bottle of social media would be very appreciated

#unidentified gay noise #long post SORRY #im trying to do a twitter/tumblr detox bc those are my two worst executive-dysfunction-paralysis-scrolling sites #as you can tell its going: badly #i considered getting a page on cohost.org but again: its not the algorithm thats the problem. its the fact that there is Content To Scroll #adding a Fourth Site (metaphorically not literally thats just what cohost calls itself) would probably make the issue much worse #even neocities is an issue bc it has the feed and i cant block the neocities backend itself bc thats how you Update Your Fucking website #its a scumbag tactic to make people sign up to sites but in the sense of ''forcing me to Stop Scrolling'' its very helpful when sites are--#--like ''log in to view this person's profile :)'' whenever i log out out twitter or tumblr #''raleigh have you considered you might have adhd and/or ocd and/or autism'' have you considered sucking me good and hard from behind

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goyurim · 3 years

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I was tagged by @its-chelisey-stuff @koreandragon @leedongsik @gimme-a-chocolate @what-breaks-my-heart and @wullu woah woah wooahh slow down there people i get i’m famous but one at a time please 🤚🏽

1. Why did you choose your url?

do i need to go off on a rant about how much i’m obsessed with this lil sunflower, the literal sun, i revolve around him everyday, he gives me light, the brightest star in my universe, or are y’all sick and tired of me already

2. Any sideblogs?

nope

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

wow uh... i don’t remember... 2013 maybe? i made this blog last year in august though

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i don’t have a tag, in fact i don’t tag most of my stuff bc i’m lazy, but my blog almost always runs on queue. once in a blue moon i obsessively post about my hyperfixations but i try not to torture my followers too much

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i made it to talk to people about flower of evil and intended to delete it afterwards but then i decided to explore photoshop and practice my editing skills too so... i’m still here

6. Why did you choose your avatar?

tak dong kyung is the cutest liddol bean i love that girlie so much. my avatars are just my favourite characters of shows i’m currently watching/not over yet

7. Why did you choose your header?

Because I love Beyond Evil and that scene is everything. - that’s mel’s answer and i’m stealing it bc both our headers are from the same scene and she’s right

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

*sighs* yaa’s. boat. post. it’s gonna haunt me forever isn’t it. no i’m not linking it he already did in his post and that’s enough

9. How many mutuals do you have?

you can check that?? how???

10. How many followers do you have?

491

11. How many blogs do you follow?

144

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

yeah. mostly whenever i’m ranting about my personal life that no one probably cares or wants to know about

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

once? i’m online almost every day unless i have exams or assignments due then i take a couple weeks off. my blog still runs on queue while i’m gone so y’all can feel my presence on your dashes uwu 💞

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

lmao i’m too cowardly to fight people. i do disagree with people on drama opinions mostly but the conversations are always civil

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

they’re guilt-trippy and make me feel bad about myself so i scroll past them real fast usually. no need to make this site a bad experience for me that’s not what this place is for

16. Do you like tag games?

always! they’re so much fun i love doing them and i love getting tagged my response is always ‘oh! this moot remembers me?! thank you for acknowledging my existence! i love you so much!!’ the reason i’m so slow at doing them is bc i need to be in the right headspace i don’t wanna just skim over them and i’m always scared of tagging ppl bc i feel like i’m bothering them lmao

17. Do you like ask games?

yes!! tag games, ask games, i love them all!!! getting attention feels great!!!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Idk they are all famous to me 😘 - stealing mel’s answer again bc yes. you’re all famous in my heart 🥰

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am a little bit in love with all of my mutuals. we have this strange unyielding bond that ascends beyond time and space and i hope i have made all of my mutuals feel it in one way or another at some point during my time here. any love i made you feel is yours to keep 💓

20. Tags?

i feel like everyone’s done this already so anyone who feels like doing it can say i tagged you!! <3

#thank you so much for tagging me all you lovely people!!!#fun stuff #tagged #hope you're all having a lovely day 💘💝

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jo2uke-himboshikata · 3 years

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So a minute ago I was looking for some 4chan archive of mspaint comic threads to prove that the "are ya winning son" meme started there, and the VR sex version is not in fact the original. What I found is one of the most significant internet history events that no one's ever heard of. A tale of a modern library of alexandria.

I used to browse 4chan pretty regularly between maybe 2006-2010. After that the alt right was in its infancy and it started to get real bad. but before that, there was a lot of goodhearted fun. One of the fun threads were MS paint comics. This is where trollface and shit like that started, stuff that eventually got stolen by reddit and made into copy-paste rageface shit. "are ya winning son" was one of those. The 4chan mspaint threads were all full of original content or reposts of old popular ones.

Basically the way 4chan works, threads get deleted after they hit the "bump limit". Bump means every time someone posts the thread goes to the top of the board. After a thread hits the bump limit it sticks around at the very end of the board until it gets pushed out by a new post. On very active boards, threads would rarely last a day. Bad threads would be gone within a few hours.

Eventually, people wanted to be able to save some of the good threads for posterity. Christopher poole a.k.a. moot, the creator, had a philosophy about it because he wanted to cultivate a certain type of culture. Things needed to come and go. The idea was that important stuff would get reposted naturally if people liked it and unimportant stuff would be forgotten. It wasn't supposed to be a journal, it was a town square. There is no clout chasing on 4chan. People post stuff for the moment because they want to be part of a conversation. Since nobody remembers you there's much less pressure over not being "cringe". That's why so much content came out of 4chan, because there is no barrier for entry, everyone is on equal footing, and everything everyone posts gets looked at. No good post slips through the cracks in the moment.

But this meant that there were threads where people were posting important original content that was getting lost to the ages. People saved stuff they liked, but if you remembered something you saw a week ago but didn't save it there was no way to get it back unless someone else decided to repost it. So moot decided to create an archive system where if five users voted to, a thread would be archived to a site called 4chanarchive. This ran from 2006 to 2013, and by then it held around 500GB of threads. 4chan always had trouble keeping afloat (for all the same reasons as tumblr honestly) so in 2012 the archive was transferred to a guy who was involved with encyclopedia dramatica. But then he went MIA, and now that entire archive has been lost. There were a couple other archives during that period, but they were all poorly managed and not much survived.

It's crazy to think about the amount of stuff that is gone. The internet was a real wild west until around 2010, and that period still has so much influence on us a decade later. Dumb shit like rickrolling, longcat, tons and tons of copypasta like the "what did you say to me you little shit" thing, SCP came from creepypasta threads on /x/.

Here's a link to the story if you wanna read it for yourself.

4chan is just one example. I think it's really fascinating how people used to say "if you post something on the internet it's there forever" but maaaaan look how things turned out. People trying to archive shit on the internet are struggling all the time. Tumblr is especially bad, I have a hard time finding stuff that I reblogged two months ago. It's really great that heritage posts and certified iconic posts started up because it would be so hard to find that shit otherwise. Maybe it doesn't really matter that much. Maybe moot is right and it's better for things to just come and go and be forgotten.

#longpost #text

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hayjeon · 4 years

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Tips on creating fun fanfic headers!

i had so much fun writing the fanfic writing tips yesterday and i got a few more questions about header-making, and so i decided to make one more of these! i hope these tips help somebody out there! hope you enjoy :)

p.s. these tips won’t require any hard editing skills or photoshop skills, nor any expensive tablets/apps!

typically i spend around ~5-10 min creating one header, and that’s either after i think of/finish a fic. i have so much fun doing it and sharing it with you that i figured i’d share how i do it!

why headers?

as I talked about in my fic tips, one of the most eye-catching things about fics are headers. when i’m scrolling through a rec page, my home page, a tag, or even someone’s masterlist, i’m immediately drawn to well-made headers. that’s what captures my attention, and then i’m more drawn in by the content. so, you can say that headers is your own version of an ad for your own fic, or an extension of it (like the cover of a novel!)

if you were writing your own book, imagine how much time you’d spend figuring out what you wanted your cover to look like. i try to have as much fun and invest as much time making my own headers because it’s just the cherry on top to my finished product :)

disclaimer: BUT HEADERS ARE NOT NECESSARY/DO OR DIE! if you don’t feel like you want to do this, then keep writing! its ok! this is just a suggestion. i’ve seen plenty of well-written fics without headers at all, so don’t beat yourself up over not having one/not wanting to do one. this is truly just a fun, extra kind of thing, and only keep reading if you want to learn how i do it! :)

tips for people who don’t want to make headers: if you still want something to make your fic stand out, use gifs! i use them in my drabbles a lot! this will at least give ur fic a lil boost!

how to find pictures

I typically use unsplash, which is a free website in which photographers upload their HQ pics for free use. the pics are really high quality, typically stock photos, and don’t have any logos on them like other ones on google. unfortunately, you won’t find any pics of the members or anything, but you’ll find beautiful stock photos of typical scenes like “ocean scene” or “desert scene.” I found the stock photo for cut me open (shown below) on that site by just looking up “medical” or “doctor”.

i used to use google a lot and just use keywords like “desert scene HQ” and edit the search settings to deliver HQ pics, and a minimum # of pixels, but unplash is definitely better in terms of quality, more aesthetic photos, and no logos/watermarks.

on some occasions, i will screenshot some scenes of youtube videos, turning up the quality to 1080p or 4k and zooming in so that the pixelation is as crisp as possible, and then editing it later to look good (which i’ll explain in a second!)

the above photo was a scene from the specific characters from the drama, “100 Days My Prince” that I screenshotted from a youtube video that TvN uploaded, recapping the drama. I cropped it just right so that their faces were left out, which i’ll also mention soon!

things to look for when picking pictures:

you want the picture to reflect a specific motif/theme from your fic! if its a moody fic, then try to find a moody scene that you can edit with filters/lighting to look even moodier; or if the characters’ jobs are a big portion of the fic (like cut me open/doctor theme) try to look for stock photos with that shown very clearly!

make sure its high quality: tumblr really dumbs down the quality of the photo when uploading it, so try your best to find something with a lot of pixels in it so that when you start editing, you don’t sacrifice too much of the quality already

try to look for something simple/clean: a picture with too much subject (ie. people in the background, or too much detail) may end up taking away from the main point of your header, which is your title. so find pics without too much clutter!

try to make sure its landscape: which will help during editing to save some of the quality better.

editing your pictures

now that you have a specific photo you want to use, now its time to edit! I use VSCO CAM (free app) and my own apple photos cropping tool for faster crops.

crop/adjust: if your picture is too large/wide, crop it to at least a 16:9 ratio. i’d say aim for skinnier if you can, so that you don’t take up too much space (especially if you’re planning to add headers to your masterlist). also crop out any faces, any clutter, any unnecessary details, so you have a nice, clean slate to work on when adding text.

contrast/sharpen/clarity/white balance/etc.: i’m not gonna give you a lesson on photography, but i’ll tell you I learned like 80% of everything that i know just by fiddling with it on VSCO! So just try it out and play with the app, see what you can make of it. i’d say a rule of thumb to follow is that you want happier fics with a brighter tone, and moodier/angsty fics with a darker tone so that it can reflect the nature of the fic further, without saying anything!

if you wanna be extra af like me, then go a step further and photoshop your pics. this one is a good example; when i screenshotted this scene from another youtube video for my fic One Year My Love part 2, i was specifically looking for a scene that would showcase the ornate/regal details of their clothing/environment in contrast to part 1′s modest clothing/scene (the first header in this post).

i found this scene, but actually, this scene portrays the Crown Prince and the Princess, not y/n. So, the actors weren’t smiling at all! They were actually frowning at eachother in this scene, to portray the tension between the two characters and their marriage.

So, I took the extra step, adjusting the pic with VSCO so that their shoulders/chins were at the same level, cropped off their faces up until their lips, and then used the adobe photoshop free app to photoshop their lips to be SMILING at eachother!!!! subtle, but important!

call me crazy for taking that much time but i’m so proud of how it turned out and i loved every second of making this one. that way, this scene makes it portray the happy ending for Jungkook and y/n!

adding text to your header

you can use any app out there, but i really like Font Candy! I actually ended up buying the 2$ version of this and never regretted it, but you can actually find a lot of their basic fonts on the free version; I tend to use the fonts: OSTRICH SANS, BEBAS, TREND, and INTRO the most! these are pretty clean-looking, block letters that look good whenever i put them as my titles.

I love this app too cause you can easily control the spacing between letters to make them take up more space, add shadows, or even make them contrast their background using the overlay feature; like this one i made for wildest dreams (see how the text changes depending on what part of the photo its on? amazing! it’s literally with a click of a button!!)

And i’ll always add “written by HAYJEON” or “by HAYEJON”, space it out, and add it somewhere underneath as my own branding.

orrrrrr

if you want to be more creative, you can even go a step further and use whatever you have on hand to enhance whatever you’re trying to portray.

for this one, i ended up finding this amazing photo on unsplash and i thought it would do a create job of portraying the “movie-set” quality of what wildest dreams is going to be about. this stock photo had someone else’s names on it, so i used my ipad, and used instagram to just erase the existing writing with the color of the background, and then wrote in my own title and url with my own handwriting/apple pen!!!

i thought this was pretty cool because it’s like wildest dreams is its own movie/has its own movie set, which, once it’s out, you guys will see that it’s supposed to be!

saving/uploading

this is pretty easy/obvious, but i figured i’d mention it. all the apps i mentioned are available on the appstore, and they will save directly to your photos. after doing that, i’ll just upload them into a special folder i have on my google drive so that when i’m finished writing a fic on tumblr using my laptop, i can easily download the photos without sacrificing quality. easy!

and that way, i can save them forever; even if i have to delete them from my computer, i can always redownload them!

side note: making text separators

i just recently started doing this, but ever since tumblr took down their text separators, i’ve just been cropping the bottom like 5-10 pixels of the header to use as my text separators! (with my laptop)

i saw some other writer doing it and thought that it looked better than what i had used previously (a cropped photo of a random line i found on google); i found that doing this tied my fics together a little better and just looked better aesthetically;

so there it is! hope you enjoyed! :) i would love to see what other tips you guys have been using, feel free to send me an ask or reply to this post; and if you end up using any of my tips, please let me know! I love to hear from you guys all the time <3

lots of love, especially during these times,

hay <3

#writing tips #story talk

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staticscreenwriting · 5 years

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casual moths - chapter five

Due to Tumblr not showing my stuff in the tags whenever I add links, I had to delete the links to previous chapter. Find them by adding /angel-reyes-fanfiction after my URL :)

If you liked this part and wanna help me out, please consider a reblog. Thank you.

Chapter five - mornings & myths

“ That is not right, who does that ? “

“ I do “

“ That’s ridiculous. That’s not how it works. “

“ Who makes the rules ? “

“ I uh — no one but it’s common sense. “

“ I’m 4 I don’t know what that means “

The bickering of voices wakes Callie from a deep comfortable slumber. Looking around, she’s met with the sun shining through the curtains and onto the couch. She must’ve fallen asleep here once her and Angel had gotten too cold on the balcony and decided to move it inside.

They just talked. For a long time about a lot of stuff. And though he managed to stay away from all club related business, he did allow himself to get vulnerable with her. He talked about his mother and EZ and how unappreciated and lonely he feels most of the time. And it broke her heart. It still breaks her heart.

He’s been nothing but wonderful to her and Daisy and to know that he doesn’t receive all the love he deserves, not even from his own family, sends a metaphorical dagger straight to her heart.

Talking about Daisy.

Her little giggles carry from the kitchen and echo through the house, followed by Angel’s low chuckles.

As Callie gets up and leans against the doorway to the kitchen, she is faced with a sight that makes a warm fuzzy feeling spread throughout her entire body.

Daisy is sat on a chair by the kitchen isle, big bowl of cereal in front of her and smile on her face as Angel leans against the opposite site of the counter making silly faces at her.

“ I don’t know who told you this but putting milk before cereal is coo coo crazy. “

“ It’s delicious ! “ Daisy replies and furrows her little eyebrows in mock offence.

“ It’s wrong, girly. Sorry but It’s wrong. “

“ Mommy says it doesn’t matter as long as I eat my breakfast “

“ Ya know what ? Your ma is probably right “ Angel agrees and there’s a smile spreading on his face, so warm and welcoming, as he looks at the little girl. It makes him look so at peace with life. He looks so soft and loving and much younger than his usual frown makes him look..

Callie finds herself wishing she could put that expression of ease and comfort on his face more often.

The scene before her make her wonder if things could ever be like this permanently. If maybe somewhere down the line, if things with her and Angel go that way and work out, she gets to wake up to this more often. To her kid smiling and her — her Angel smiling along.

This is something she never thought she’d get. Ever. And maybe the universe is feeling generous right now but if this is as good as it gets, she’s not going to complain any time soon.

Angel spots movement from the corner of his eyes and as his gaze lands on Callie.She looks at him in a way he hasn’t been looked at in forever. He can’t tell exactly what it is but there’s a warmth and a familiarity that he’s missed so dearly for so long.

“ Look who’s up “ Angel exclaims and nods his head towards Callie and making Daisy swing around in her chair to see who he’s talking about.

“ Yeah, you two are bickering so loud I had to come investigate. What’s the issue here, huh ? “

There’s a smile on Callie’s face as she walks into the kitchen. One that she can’t wipe off no matter how much she tells herself that this is silly.

“ Angel puts the cereal first, then the milk. “

“ Uh yeah, because that’s the only right way to do it. Do you know that your kid eats cereal all wrong ? “ Angel asks, lightly brushing his hand against Callie’s back as she passes him to pour herself a mug of coffee.

It sends little tingles down her spine. God, she feels like a teenager again.

But at the way Angel’s eyes sparkle. At the subtle shimmer they hold, she can tell those feelings of giddiness are more than reciprocated.

“ I know this but honestly, I’m happy she’s eating at all. There was a phase when she refused to eat anything that wasn’t red so I’m not complaining “.

Angel just nods his head at that. Makes sense really.

“ Sooo, what are you ladies up to today ? “

He can immediately see the flicker of excitement in Daisy’s face at those words.

“ Going to grandma’s “

“ Grandma’s huh ? Is it fun there ? “

“ So fun. Grandma has a dog and a pool. “

“ No way !”

“ Uh huh. Right mommy ? “

Callie mulls her next words over in her head. Maybe it is a dumb idea but maybe — maybe it is just what both her and Angel need.

“ Yeah we’re having a BBQ. Bunch of friends and family coming over. It’s a thing we do every other month. Just a small chill get together. Kids play in the pool, adults collectively make fun of my uncle or sister. You should — you should come “.

Angel is glad he isn’t taking a sip of coffee in that moment cause it sure would’ve come right back out in a great spit-take.

“ To your mom’s ? “

“ Yeah. Is that weird ? Oh god, it’s weird. I’m sorry. I just thought it would be fun and my family is great so I’m sure they would welcome you with open arms and I — god I’m sorry. “

To be honest, he feels flattered. No one’s ever liked him enough to take him to a family gathering. Hell, even his own family seemed more at ease whenever he decided not to show up to their family reunions. But it means a lot to hear Callie invite him. To know she wants him there.

“ Nah, it’s not weird it’s nice. I just — I can’t today.“

“ Angel you neeeed to come. You can see me swim and meet Lola. “ Daisy exclaims loudly.

“ The dog ? “ Angel assumes.

“ Yup. She’s a Labragor. “

“ A Labrador, baby. “ Callie corrects her daughter, unable to keep the smile off of her face.

“ You know what ? “ Angel says, though his words seem to be directed at Daisy, his eyes are solely focused on Callie’s, “ I’d really like that “.

And the both know he’s not talking about the dog.

“ Next time you let me know a bit earlier and I’ll clear my schedule. ‘kay little lady ? “

At the way she’s pouting slightly, Angel can tell Daisy isn’t 100% happy with that, but she’s nodding slightly so that’s a good sign. Knowing she’s upset he can’t come, makes him feel both bad and slightly flattered.

And then there’s that look on (Y/N)’s face and the was she says “ We’d really love that”. Like it matters. Like him being there makes all the difference to her. And maybe it does.

So he’d be there next time.

Promise.

-OOO -

Angel leans against the porch railing, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other. There’s music loudly blasting through the clubhouse and it’s packed with people.

He’s still covered in grease and dirt from working at the scrap yard all day. When he said he couldn’t come to Callie’s family thing, he really meant it. Bush had been on his ass for a while now, telling him to put in more work and run off less often. And to anger his Pres is the last thing Angel wants to do. So all day has been spent fixing up cars, finding certain parts to sell to customers and getting increasingly more dirty and covered in grease.

Now that day has turned into night, the clubhouse is buzzing. There’s people everywhere. Dancing and drinking and making out and when usually he’d be one of them, right in the middle of it all, now he sits by the sidelines and watches. This has been the family he’s come to love so dearly for so many years. He never ever felt like he wanted to go home. There was nothing to go home to.

But as he sits there now, his mind wanders towards Callie and Daisy and he wonders what they’re doing now. Probably sleeping already or sitting on the balcony watching the stars. The same stars he can see from his place on the porch. And maybe they’re thinking of him too and wondering what he’s doing.

For the first time in a long time, Angel wants to leave the party early. To go and be with someone who’s door will be open. Whos arms will be open.

His eyes wander around the scrap yard. This life, his life, is so different to the little piece of heaven he got to experience with his girls lately. It’s loud and hard and rough and nothing like the soft touches,the small giggles, the affection and love that’s been poured onto him.

He wonders if there’s ever a proper way to combine the two worlds. To make Callie understand this part of him. To bring her around and introduce her to everyone. A single mother who owns a flower shop, really isn’t the kind of person to spend her time at motorcycle club parties. And yet, he so desperately wishes that there’s a solution to his problem. That somewhere in the future lies a path where he doesn’t have to choose between the two eventually.

The touch of long slender fingers against his shoulder, takes him from his daydream. And as he glances towards his left, there’s a girl he’s never met before, with eyes full of lust and longing.

“ Hi, I’m Lilly. “

If this was any other day, he would’ve had her on his lap by now, tongue touching her tongue. But it’s not.

Today he’s woke up cuddled to a woman he assumes must be an actual angel. He’s has breakfast with her and her kid who is as adorable as can be. He’s felt home. Felt it all the way to his heart.

There’s nothing Lilly can do for him.

“ Yeah? Well see that guy over there ? That’s EZ, he’s a prospect. He could use a good time.”

He doesn’t wait for her response, just finishes his drink and stubbs out his cigarette and moves through the clubhouse towards his room. He can still hear the music and the laughter but with his door closed, the world seems to slow down a little. Fumbling his phone from his pocket, he considers his next move for a moment. Surely Callie is asleep or at least lounging on the couch. Would she even want to talk to him at this time of the night ?

But then again, she hasn’t given him a reason to doubt it. She’s always welcoming, always warm smiles and soft touches and sunshine personified. Always.

He dials the number before his insecurities can rear their ugly heads and talk him out of it. God, he’s being ridiculous. This is straight up teenage behavior.

“ Hello ? “

Her voice sounds tired and raspy. Like she’s just woken up or at least has been close to sleep when the phone rang.

“ Hey, it’s me. Did I wake you ? “

“ Hi, Angel. Oh no, don’t worry “ she says and lets out a small laugh, he’s not sure he fully believes her but hearing her laugh makes all his guilt disappear. Hearing her laugh is worth it all. “ I was just sitting on the balcony, reading a book. “

“ Yeah ? Any good. “

“ Meh. Why are you calling ? You okay ? “

“ Yeah. Just — wanted to talk to you. “

He’s never felt like this about a woman before. Like he is missing something when she isn’t around. And maybe it’s delusional to feel like this after such a short time. But life is fucking ridiculous during the best of times. Maybe a little bit of disillusion and disregard for what people expect isn’t all that bad.

“ Oh that’s sweet. We really missed you today. Daisy has been talking people’s ears off about you. She adores you. “

His heart soars at that. If he can make Daisy love him. If he can win her over. If she, of all people, thinks he’s a good one, than that counts for something. She’s all good things. Sunshine and happiness and flowers and love. Making her like him, makes him insanely proud.

“ You girls had a good time ? Did she get to swim? Get cuddle the Labragor ? “ Angel asks, a low chuckle following his words.

“ She did. It was nice. My family can be a lot but I love them dearly. Technically Daisy can’t swim properly but she’s learning. She’s always wearing floaties and someone’s in the pool with the kids at all time so, yeah. I think she’s had a good day. ”

“ I’m glad. ‘m happy you’re happy.

“ I wish you were happy too. “

“ I am. I’m getting there “ … and it’s mostly because of you. He wants to add that but doesn’t instead his brain conjures up a mush of words and thoughts and ends up with:

“ Can you see the stars ? “

It’s a terribly cheesy thing to say and Angel even scrunches his face in discomfort as the words leave his lips. It felt like his heart had a grip over his mind, over his mouth. His heart was speaking and the rest of him just had to sit and hope for the best.

“ I am yeah. Sky’s clear tonight. What about you ? “ she doesn’t take the piss. Doesn’t judge. Doesn’t even wonder about his question. Callie just acts like that’s a conversation they have every day. Maybe they should.

“ Nah I’m inside. I did earlier though. Wondered if you were watching them. “

“ Is this out thing now ? Watching the stars ? “

“ It could be. You know any cool star facts ? “

Callie is quiet for a moment before she speaks up again “ actually, I do ! “

“ You do, huh ? “

“ Yeah, well. It’s more of a story than a fact, really. You wanna hear about it ? “

“ Sure. “

“ Well, “ Callie starts, Angel is already hooked, “ I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before but my full name is Callista. And that name comes from the name Callisto. Callisto was a nymph from ancient greek mythologie. Zeus fell in love with her and they had a son. But you know Zeus, dude was already married to Hera. Hera got so angry she turned Callisto into a bear. She wandered the woods for years and years. Then one day Arcos, her son, went on a hunt and when she was him she got so excited that she ran up to him, completely forgetting that she’s a bear. Arcos was frightened, understandably, and drew his spear. Though Zeus saw all of this and wanted to prevent disaster. So he swooped down and lifted both of them up into the sky and turned them into constellations. That’s the ursa major constellation, the great bear. “

She’s a star. A constellation. Lighting up the sky when things seem dark and scary. It’s oddly fitting, he thinks. When that’s all she’s done to his life since she’s walked in.

“ You’re a star. “

“ I guess “ she giggles, only to be interrupted by a yawn forcing it’s way out.

“ And you’re tired. Go to bed, baby.”

“ Will I see you soon ? “

“ Sure. How about lunch tomorrow ? “

“ Sounds good. Come by the shop and we can decide on where to go. “

“ Alright. See you tomorrow, night babe. “

“ Night, Angel. “

When they hang up, he’s left in a comfortable silence. The party is still raging around him though Angel doesn’t really acknowledge it. All he can think of is her voice and her smile and the fact that she’s watching the same stars.

A little while later, Angel walks outside to get a drink. There’s a bunch of guys sitting around the table, getting tattooed by one of the club’s friends.

Ricky isn’t a good tattoo artist by any means but to most of the guys it’s not about the artistry. It’s the meaning behind the piece. It’s status. It’s sending a message.

And then a little bell chimes up in Angel’s head. It’s about meaning. About status. About wearing symbols of the things you like. The thinks you fear. The things you love.

“ Hey Ricky ? “ he calls out.

“ Yuh ? “

“ You any good at drawing stars ?

-OOO-

Callie Cordell goes to sleep with a smile on her face that night, longing for the sun to ride above to horizon and turn the night into day. Butterflies already swarming her tummy at the thought of seeing Angel again the next day.

Her mind is occupied with all things of happiness and joy. With thoughts of Angel’s eyes and the way he makes her blush.

All there is on her mind is him and the stars.

And not a single thought is given to the silver car parked just a few houses down the road. The one hiding in the shadows, sheltered between two houses and a big oak tree, engulfed by the night and untouched by the starlight.

- A note from Jo -

Hi guys, sorry no taglist this time. I’m assuming links are what’s caused my stuff not to show up in the tags. I will try and figure out a way to let people know when a new part is up though. The easiest way to stay updated is to follow my tumblr though, just sayin’ ;P

#angel reyes fanfic #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes fanfiction #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans mc imagine #mayans imagine #mayans mc fanfic #mayans fanfiction

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narika-a · 5 years

Note

Mutuals?

[ describe your fav mutuals without saying who they are and see if they know ]

I really doubt they would actually see it, if I did just that, so I decided to combine these asks into one 😂

also this was asked such a long time ago im sorry for taking this long akshdaskfjl

@pandaddictedtomanga some idiot idk why i follow her or why she follows me stfu pls lmaooo, also bonus fact: its the first blog i followed once i joined tumblr

@kangseungsicc precious human being whom i like very much, it’s so fun chatting with you, also i love your blog, that's why i started following you in the first place, alsooo fellow myname stan TwT, also also fellow love liver still sad your acc got deleted, add me once you create a new one lol, also fellow nugu groups stan, there needs to be more of us, also did i mention i love chatting with you??!!!!! 💕💖💞💕💖💞💕💖💞

@anyhao ahh i really love your blog, for me it has this nice aesthetic lol, i dont even remember when or how we started following each other but im happy we are, we should talk more tho 😂

@sefuns i crown you the queen of exo gifs 👑 i always see stuff from you first and you have been making gifs for them for the longest time i know anyone did and i just like your personality as much as your gifs, nice chatting with you 😁

@theycallmebaepsaeee7 fellow country mate, sorry i suck at replying so often, hope we actually get to meet irl one day some day, you never know 😂 tarp kitko daug esu lt cia sutikus, bet su tavim bendrauju ilgiausiai tai taip tikrai nice ir kartais net kazkaip ir strange kad ateini i tumblr ir yra lt zmogus, smagu zdz, nice talks musu 💞💞

@everythingkpopuniverse i know there is a few admins on this blog and i appreciate you a lot, you always reblog all of my original content , either gifs or writings and stuff and ahhh that means a lot!! 💕

@pyomin fellow myname stan, honestly one of the few persons i know on this site that actually keeps up with them and its so nice that you post stuff for them and yeah i just really like your blog too!! ✨✨

@kttendrama you’re so funny and i love it and chatting with you is always a good time but where you vanished off to?? is sk treating you okay? you did not get lost or anything?? 🤔

@heebiejbies this girl hasnt been on tumblr for ages but we still keep up even off tumblr and i just love her personality and yeah everything!! alsooo breyeol forever!!!!!!! come back to tumblr so i can tag in you in chanyeol content again 😂😂

@jisungified idk are you still on tumblr? we used to have nice interactions, i like your personality, you’re so sweet! hope you’re doing well 💕

@limsjaebeom you reblog random stuff from me from time to time and i do the same and now whenever i see you on my dash or activity i first think about star wars lmaoo anyhow i like your gifs! i dont really remember how we became mutuals tho but im glad we are 😂

@shawtyimmapartyy its nice talking to you and i think we completely strayed off kpop but thats totally fine as all the conversations are just as good, idk do i make sense? 😂 also i dont wanna sounds like a creep but you’re really pretty, just wanted you to know that 😂💞

@junguwusus okay, listen ppl, idk if you still go on tumblr but you have been and still are one of my favourite blogs on this site, i just love the fact that you love nugu groups and MYNAMEEEEEEEEEEEEE all ppl who like myname are automatically on the top of my list and honestly your personality seems nice and yeah, i was very happy when you followed me back, so yeah, hope you’re doing well even if you’re not active here anymore, i will still continue to follow you!! 💖💖💖 also bonus fact: if i remember correctly, you’re one of the first people i started following here

@kihobebe ahh i like your gifs!! and i appreciate when you reblog my stuff and yeah i see you in my activity lol, how you doing? we havent interacted in a while but i always get excited to see you on my dash 💞💞

@sarcatlady i always associate you with knk and i see you from time to time in my activity and i like your blog but it’s like silent mutuality or how do i call this lol 😂

@ladymaysworld fellow nugu stan, i love how multifandom you are, also your gifs!! and you seem really nice in general!! we should talk more 💖 p.s. also is that you in your profile pic cuz i always wonder and damn then you’re very pretty 💓

@rangrids another fellow country mate. honestly i love your blog, it reminds me of my sis’ and the posts are so funny, sometimes i just check it to laugh lmaoo okay that sounded creepy anyhow, yes i do check your blog even if it doesnt seem like that 😂 also i still really appreciate the fact that you follow me despite the fact my blog has been almost taken over by kpop and now like every second post is kpop but yeah, thank you!! and all our interactions have been so nice! we should talk for normal some day one day ya know 😂 as kazkaip per shy pradet conversation bet jo man dar visada keista, kad tu is lt bet jo labai nice ya get me ya get me 💞

@roamingthesails honestly you’re the sweetest and so chill and such a tol bean and were so nice and i mean still are to me and when i met you i was like 💓💓 i’m so glad you contacted me before the concert and even tho we didnt get to talk irl for that long i hope i can come back once again and meet you again and we could like chill or maybe even go to a concert together idk but yeah! fun times! fun chatting with you!

@lovekatelynmarie ahh it’s fun chatting with you and im sorry i suck at replying all the time 😂 i appreciate you liking my stuff and i see ya in my activity! also the posts you share, send more of them 😂 and im still shook you were that summoning circle anon, like damn spot on omg 😂 also also your doggo!! your doggo is super cute!!

@3rachha i really like your gifs and i was following you before you remade and then one day saw that you deactivated and was like oh snap oh damn but then i found ya again quite quickly tbh 😂 and then you followed me back and yeah now im happy 💕 also i see you in my activity as well and that makes me double happy!! 💕💕

I think it’s not all of them but the ones I remember the best/interact the most atm, sorry if I forgot anyone 🙇🙇🙇

#also sis if by some magic you see this ya know i love you ;ddddddd #anon #ask #personal

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wakasagayhime · 5 years

Text

very long, very personal post

tldr, im still not drawing but here’s a detailed account of everything that’s happened in case anyone is confused or misinformed

alright. let me start out by saying i’m not going back to art just yet. it still hurts to do anything art related and i’m still trying to find a way to heal from all of this. i need some kind of professional help first, and i don’t know how long it’ll take afterwards for me to begin feeling like myself again. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to get any kind of professional help at the moment; my university’s counseling center told me, in short, that i’m so mentally ill that their services would not be enough for me and i’d have to look elsewhere (which is reasonable, tbh, they’re almost always completely booked so it’s difficult to actually even talk to someone there in the first place, i only got to talk to them to begin with because i nearly killed myself one night after having the most intense panic attack of my life where i felt like i was actually in the process of dying) and as if that weren’t enough, if you follow me on twitter you’d know that my mom finally left my stepdad, but this means that we no longer really have a home to call our own and are now living with some of my mom’s friends. on the bright side, miso is a lot freer and gets to explore the house as he pleases, but on the downside money is tight and my mom is trying her best to find a place to live while working two jobs and trying to help pay for my tuition. long story short, i want some kind of professional help badly, but all the bullshit that’s been happening in my life makes that difficult.

anyway, i understand that i’ve worried a lot of people through all of this, and i’m sorry. i truly, genuinely am sorry for everything that’s been going on. i blame a lot of it on myself not being strong enough. if i were stronger, i wouldn’t care about some stupid internet trolls, or some random grown man in florida stalking all my social media. if i were stronger, i could take my life back. i wouldn’t feel the need to constantly contemplate suicide, or to torture my own body by starving because of my physical form feeling like the only thing i have left to be in control of. if i had only been stronger, like my old stupidly foolish overconfident 16 year old self who got into fucking STEVEN UNIVERSE DISCOURSE of all things, maybe i wouldn’t care. even when it first happened to me, after the initial shock and hiatus, i was pretty much back to normal almost instantly. but this kind of trauma is sneaky and will gradually eat away at you more and more while you pretend to be ok, and then eventually you reach a breaking point and it’s taken over your life. that’s why i’m still obsessing over that day two years later. that’s why i can’t be left alone on december 13th this year, or else i know for a fact i will harm myself in some way. (don’t worry about that though, burger is going to hang out with me that day and i’ll be fine.) still, even though i keep telling myself my past self was stronger, i do know that she really wasn’t. she was still struggling with depression, anxiety, and self harm issues. maybe it just manifested differently for a while. maybe she felt unstoppable at some point in time because she finally found a girlfriend and got a cat. i got into so many fights that weren’t worth my time or energy at all, and part of me wishes i could be that confident again, but i also know that was my downfall to begin with.

i have followers who haven’t been around for longer than a year or maybe less than two, so i might as well give everyone a true, thorough rundown of what happened leading up to that day, the day of, and after.

i’m sure a lot of you who are worried about me at the moment have seen the recent callout for colboh and his involvement in what happened. i’ll be honest--i don’t know the full extent of his involvement, and i want to believe his foolishness ends at not leaving artists who have blocked him alone and uploading their shit to booru sites when they explicitly state not to. so let’s just start there. i honestly don’t remember if it was before or after i first blocked him, but he uploaded one of my NSFW drawings to danbooru when i first shared my NSFW blog. (PROTIP: if you’re a minor, don’t share your NSFW art with anyone. don’t care if you’re 17, i was about to turn 17 myself. it will bite you in the ass. as such, some of this is my fault.) i quickly contacted danbooru asking them to delete it, and they did--but that artwork subsequently ended up on gelbooru as well, and i was unsuccessful in my efforts to remove my art from there.

fast forward to december 13th, 2016. it was a normal morning. i was getting ready for school, but also being dumb and lazing around in bed browsing tumblr. i saw a post from a blog that shares Funny 4chan Screencaps. my art was in it. the art was of a very muscular yuugi, a drawing i was proud of, especially in how much gay energy i thought it radiated--but this drawing was being used in one of those typical “here’s a touhou, i wanna fuck her! am i right guys? let’s talk about how badly we want to fuck her” threads. seeing my art used for this was appalling. my first mistake was reblogging the post and saying how it was wrong, and how my art shouldn’t ever be used for such a purpose. my second mistake was making a text post AND tweets expressing my disgust at the situation, thinking no one who frequented /jp/ would ever see, sure that it would be a big waste of their time to concern themselves with some random dumb “”sjw”” artist. i also probably shouldn’t have specifically called them “gross neckbeards,” in doing so i absolutely struck a nerve with basement dwellers everywhere. i got to school and during my second period class, suddenly felt a strange urge to look at /jp/. why i did that, i still don’t really know. maybe i was expecting hate. maybe i was trying to see if they used my art for something gross again. i don’t know. either way, that moment changed everything forever. i saw the screencap of my tweets posted for everyone in their circlejerk to see. even worse--i looked in the thread, and someone had also posted the NSFW art colboh had uploaded to danbooru, mocking it and calling me a hypocrite for drawing two girls having sex while also saying i don’t like my art being used for those kinds of threads. this is what truly ignited the amount of hate i saw directed towards me in the threads. i got called a bitch, a drama whore, got told to kill myself, and in one reply etched into my mind forever, someone said something along the lines of “we should all call her local gang and have them rape her, she just needs a good dicking.” there were multiple threads, too; i don’t know how many, but there was another one about me after the first one was deleted, in which someone edited a typical fat balding NTR hentai doujin style man into art i made of kagerou nosebleeding at wakasagihime. more disparaging comments were made. in both threads, people expressed their hatred and dislike of my art, some calling it garbage, some just saying it’s “bad,” etc. some people said the threads were unnecessary and rude, but they were a kind few in a cesspool of violence.

i don’t know who started these threads. i can’t assume anything about anyone, but whoever did this was definitely looking through all my social media out of bitterness and hatred, or perhaps even following me on both my tumblr and twitter considering the timing of the threads immediately after i complained. it eats at me that i most likely will never know who did this to me. i’ll never know who hated me so much that they decided to completely destroy my self esteem. if whoever it is who did all of this is reading this and feels any ounce of remorse, i’m begging them to reveal themselves and why they did it, but i know the chances of that happening are incredibly slim. someone, i can’t remember who, maybe it was queenly, told me they hope someday i reach a point where i don’t have to worry about that because i won’t care in general, but i still don’t know if i’ll ever reach a point where i stop caring about all of this.

like i mentioned earlier, after this all first happened, i was destroyed. the next day, my school’s GSA happened to have a vote for whose art would be on the club t-shirts, mine or someone else’s. mine lost. i broke down completely--anywhere i went, i wasn’t good enough, not for anyone. for days, there was a constant feeling of horror and fear in my chest, something i’ve only ever felt so intensely when one of these threads resurfaces or i suddenly relive my trauma due to other things triggering me. i took a hiatus that lasted a few weeks, i believe i came back sometime before the new year. i thought i was ok, and i pretended like i could go back to being myself. but as time went on, and i continued living with the weight of that day on my back, i became weaker and weaker. i stopped drawing as frequently as i used to. my final year of high school started and i ended up falling into such a deep depression that i constantly skipped school and eventually attempted suicide in november 2017. the suicide note i wrote cites that day as being one of the main things leading me to my decision, telling whoever did this to me that i hoped in my passing they’d have to live knowing what they did to me. my attempt only failed because i swore to take every pill left in the bottle and there were only four pills. had it been full, i’m not really sure what would have happened. i was sent to a mental institute afterwards for a week. being there was the absolute definition of hell. i was alone. i cried myself to sleep every night. they claimed to be a place where people were improved and got help, but i did not get any help at all. they basically imprisoned me for trying to kill myself. when i got out, i was only glad to be alive because i just wanted to be able to talk to my friends, my family, and my girlfriend again. it still shocks me that i was able to graduate from high school considering how much school i skipped before and after my suicide attempt.

sometime before that school year ended, i became extremely upset one afternoon and decided to run away from home. i had what happened to me and what was said about me that day running through my head. i tweeted that i hoped maybe in running away i’d end up being raped like they wanted, like how i deserved. someone who i considered a friend replied to this with, “fuck you.” after all of this was taken care of and i was safe at home, i responded that i was sorry, that i wasn’t thinking right when i made the tweet. she responded that i was, and blocked me. i tried to explain that i said what i did because of the threads about me on /jp/ and the one response threatening rape, but this was disregarded and, seemingly, ignored. a few days later, the former friend in question started sending me anon hate on tumblr, asking me why i want attention so badly, accusing me of making light of actual rape victims by saying such a thing. i explained myself, but to no avail. i blocked her on tumblr, and left it at that. but then, at the end of the school year, when i was proud of myself for finally getting through high school without killing myself or failing or anything, i stumbled upon the second thread. the date the thread was created lined up exactly with the time between me running away from home and me receiving anon hate. she can try to act like she didn’t make the thread all she wants, but i’m not an idiot. the replies were also eerily similar--people in the replies remembered me, a year and a half after the original thread. some replies mentioned me having attempted suicide months before. some mentioned my NSFW art again. i had a massive breakdown and nearly drowned myself in the pond down the road. it was a wet, rainy night, and i sat on a bench by the pond sobbing loudly, trying to find some way to want to keep living. but i couldn’t. i might have gone through with it if it hadn’t been for burger coming and talking to me and giving me a ride home.

entering college, i thought things would be easier. in a way, they are. i have more freedom with classes. this semester, i attended almost all of my classes, almost every day, just with the exception of me being sick some days and me accidentally oversleeping once, and then one day when i just didn’t feel like it. but things continued to get worse for me--i developed an eating disorder for many reasons, one being the time i spent a year prior depressed caused me to gain a significant amount of weight, and the other being i had sworn off self harm in the form of cutting. i found that i was able to get the same gratification from starving myself. at one point, it turned into a game of sorts, where i tried to see how long i could go without eating anything. my record was a little over 72 hours. being constantly hungry or in pain this way felt like something i deserved in a way, but also something to distract me from the pain of realizing i was losing my love for art. i was in denial about it for months. i tried to keep drawing, but everything i drew upset me, saddened me, and even angered me. i looked at anything i made and only felt disgust. it was the one thing i used to love doing more than anything, and now i only felt shame.

in november, i acknowledged this and decided to quit for good. recently, i discovered colboh had uploaded more of my NSFW art to gelbooru, even though i specifically stated on my blog to never upload my NSFW art to image sharing sites, specifically right after he uploaded my art the first time. by the time i found this, i had already sworn off art for good, but looking at the comments on my art on gelbooru (and rule 34--i guess they’re connected upload-wise like danbooru?) filled me with so much sadness and shame, not because they criticized my art, but because they said horrible things about my depiction of kagerou. for those who don’t know, i headcanon kagerou as a trans woman, and one thing i do not regret about my time as an artist is how that depiction has helped numerous trans women feel good about themselves and their bodies. seeing so many disgusting comments deliberately misgendering her and making other transphobic remarks hurt me on a completely new level. my trans friends have been such a source of strength for me through all of this and seeing that made me feel disgusted, especially with myself. i felt like i had failed them. i had made so many trans women happy, only to see a man i blocked two years ago had uploaded my art to porn sites, tagging it with dehumanizing words like “f*ta” that i specifically tell people never to refer to my art with, displaying that art for the exact same crowds of people that ruined everything december 13th 2016 to continue to pick apart. one comment even told me to kill myself, effectively bringing back every memory of that day.

speaking of that, another thing i want to touch on now that i’m up to speed with the details of everything that’s happened related to the original threads two years ago, is kagerou. i’m positive you all know that i really love kagerou imaizumi, and that she’s my favorite touhou character. it’s embarrassing to say, but she’s brought me so much comfort through all of this. sometimes if i’m sad, i’ll imagine her giving me a big hug, or i’ll look at cute pictures i have saved of her, or something along those lines. it’s pretty cringy for a fictional character to make me happy, i know, but i’ve grown so attached to her and she really means a lot to me. and another thing that made me want to swear off art is because she’s loved by so many others that i don’t think my depictions of her do her any good. i’m constantly compared to other artists, and it’s never good. even in the threads, i’m told i should be more like those other artists and these things wouldn’t happen to me. i am not allowed to love kagerou imaizumi. i draw her as a hairy trans lesbian, and that disgusts people. hell, the fact that i draw lesbians in general disgusts people, which sure fucking sucks because i constantly hate myself for not being attracted to men and being able to draw happy lesbians made me feel better about myself. but i’ve ruined kagerou for so many people, especially with my stupid kagewaka bullshit. maybe that’s why those artists unfollowed me. maybe it’s a combination of that and my constant breakdowns becoming far too annoying. i think all the popular artists who used to like me and then unfollowed/softblocked me are really glad to see that i’ve given up. and that’s something else that saddens me too--even as an artist, in my own community of touhou artists, i often feel like i’m lesser, and that i don’t belong. maybe it’s because i’m so foolishly outspoken about my opinions that they dislike me. maybe it’s because i’m a woman, and a lesbian at that. i don’t really know why they hate me so much. i wish i could belong somewhere.

and i think that’s what it all boils down to in the end. i’ve lost all sense of belonging. when i was 14 and people started noticing my art for the first time, i finally felt like i had something. like i belonged somewhere. after being bullied through middle school and having to deal with abusive friends and an abusive dad, it meant the world to me that i finally had something. but it didn’t last long at all. it all came crashing down, not just because of others, but because of me. i was the one who was cocky, getting into fights that weren’t worth it. i was the one who provoked people and made them hate me. i was the one who complained about /jp/ posting my art in their threads. i know people want to believe that i’m a saint, but i’m not. i have myself to blame too. i at least want everyone to understand this, above all else. there was so much i could have done differently to prevent this all from happening, but i didn’t. i was stupid and naive. i was a massive fucking idiot, and now look where i am. i lost everything. i thought i had friends, i lost them. i thought i loved art, i lost that. i thought other really talented nice people liked me, i even lost that. all i have now is an empty shell of my former self. i don’t know what to do with it. i don’t know how i’m going to rebuild myself. it’s so painful to have to keep living like this. i don’t know if there’s any fixing me at this point. i’ve lost so much, i feel permanently broken.

but despite all of that, despite everything i’ve been through, i still receive so much love and support from my followers and friends and it means so much to me. it means the world to me and has kept me going through all of this. knowing that people care about me and want to see me get better and improve makes me want to try to fix myself even if i am broken beyond repair. i just want to thank you all for being that source of strength for me. these past few years have been so hard for me and time and time again i still get love and encouragement from so many people. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. there is nothing more precious to me than those moments when i feel like i do truly belong, when i feel loved, when i feel like i’m not alone after all. for those moments, i’ll keep trying. even if these threads keep continuing and breaking me further, i’ll keep trying. even if every last artist in this fandom comes to hate me and my shitty art, i’ll keep trying. it’s still painful to draw right now and i have a long way to go before i can share art with anyone again, but for you all, i’m going to keep trying my best. at the end of the day, i know everyone’s encouragement and love is worth far more than hate threads urging me to kill myself.

i’m sorry how long and personal and unnecessary this is, but i felt like i had to set things straight. if you read all of this, i applaud you. if you just kinda skimmed through to read the last paragraph, i also appreciate it. again, thank you.

#glub glub #suicide //#self harm //#disordered eating //#rape //

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pazzojinn · 5 years

Video

youtube

I know, I know you’ve been let down. This is site is turning to hell. I thought this site would be like nowhere else.

But now through all the hurt and blame it’s time for us to reblog. The things we love mean more than anything.

So we might have been some thots. Thought the best thing they could do is flag it all, and ban forever what’s gone is gone, it feels so sad what once was okay now is bad I'll never tag again This world is ending

I wish staff had stayed in their lane, 'Cause all their bots are insane. can't live without the traffic born from thirst. I know we can't talk about sex you can't even have gay pride because of that this site’s rotten inside

It’s all getting deleted, we’re watching Tumblr burn down, Tumblr burn down, Tumblr burn down, Yahoo’s Bots allow nothing; they just keep letting us down, letting us down, letting us down,

in my heart of hearts, I know that I could never post again They’ve flagged everything everything, Every. Single. Nipple is now female presentiiiiiiing! (Anyone wanna sing this?)

#Eva #Animoo #Tumblr #End of tumblr #Mine

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hyunwoo-archive · 6 years

Text

gif tutorial !!!

hello !!!! it’s me, ur resident shownu stan w a gif tutorial !!! no one really Asked but i wanted 2 make it and also it turns out ppl Are interested in one so :D !!! here i am !!!! so under the cut will b the tutorial nd it’s really picture heavy because i’ll be covering a lot,,,,

we’ll be looking at:

downloading the video :0 !!

trimming the video to get the clip you want

actually making the gif

some coloring advice :D !!! (i lov coloring Truly!!!!)

and some exporting advice too :D

and this is what i’m using:

ps cc 17

vlc

and i use a mac :D

part one. getting the clip !!

(also a quick note !! this isn’t my process for speed giffing or performance giffing as thats,,, thats an entirely Different adventure that makes me scream)

so !!! i will be giffing the dramarama music video and what you want to do is download it first :D so go to vlive, copy the url of the music video and i use two sites to download from vlive just because one of them can get a little buggy ?? but i use soshistagram and savieo !!! savieo is usually what i prefer to use but either is fine :D

once you downloaded the video, open it in vlc and go to the part you want to gif. i recommend pausing a few seconds before the actual scene because it’s always better to get a little more than you intended than a little less. currently, my screen looks like this:

and what you wanna do Next is go to playback > record and record the scene you want! when your scene is done playing, just go back to playback and click record again to make it stop.

for me, all my clips end up in my “movie” folder so it’s best to check where your clips go :D i think ?? you can change their destination but i never really played around with that so i’m not sure D:

part two. making the gif !!!

open up photoshop, then go to file > import > video frames to layers. select your clip and this window should pop up:

simply adjust the arrows until you get the scene you want and then press OK. a few notes about this part:

some people choose to select “limit to every 2 frames”. i personally don’t do this just because to me, it makes the gif look choppy, but use your intuition and go for whatever you think will suit the gif :D

i Would recommend not using ‘limit to every 2 frames’ if your clip is really short, as you want every frame possible

make sure ‘make frame animation’ is selected

and also the rule of having a little more than you want is important here too! the arrows aren’t very accurate so it’s better to get frames from scenes you don’t want that you can simply delete later

once you’ve hit ‘ok’, photoshop will then process the clip and give you this :D

(if you don’t have the timeline, just go to window > timeline. it’s near the bottom :D!!!)

also a quick moment!!! everything in the timeline tab will be called a frame and everything in the layers tab will be called layers :D

moving on! mister kihyun is not part of the scene i want, so i select the frames (not the layers!!!) that i don’t want and hit the trash can button at the bottom. goodbye mister yoo leaving me with this:

aren’t they just,,,, Beautiful :’( ...... anyways !! now we want to Crop !!!! tumblr has certain width sizes that i recommend you use for Ultra Crispness, and you can see a guide of what to use here !!

because the clip i’m giffing is so short (only 23 frames), i can crop it to 540px by 250px without worrying about file size. simply click crop in the toolbar so you get this setup here

where it says 268px by 305px, just change it to whatever your dimensions are! also, make sure ‘delete cropped pixels’ is deselected. then, go ahead and select what you want to be cropped and then press enter :D my screen at this point looks like this

press enter and then :D!! all cropped!!

now we’re going to sharpen! in the timeline tab, there’s a button made up on three lines. i circled it here :D

click that and select “convert video to timeline” so you get this

select all your layers and then convert to smart object! (you can either do this by rightclicking on all the highlighted layers and selecting ‘convert to smart object’ or by going to filters > convert for smart filters

now your gif is ready to be sharpened! i use actions to sharpen my gif and you can find a few of my favorites on this blog !! download a couple and play around with it :D once your gif has been sharpened, select all the layers again and convert it into a smart object again. then click the 3 lined button and click convert frames > flatten frames into clips. then convert back into frame animation (either by clicking the three lined button again and going convert frames > convert to frame animation or by clicking the three squares in the timeline)

you should now be back to where you started :D only this time you have one frame D: but don’t worry! what you want to do next is click the three lined button again and select make frames from layers. delete the first frame in the timeline because it’s just the smart object layer and we don’t need it. you should now have this

and we can officially move onto the best part :D coloring !!!

part three. coloring!!!!!!!!!!

let me preface this Entire Section with saying there is no right or wrong way to color. every gifmaker has their own distinct style, and you’ll develop yours too :D i really recommend looking to see if your favorite gifmakers have any coloring tips and if they don’t, there’s no harm in asking :D (just make sure ur nice abt it nd respect them if they choose not to share their coloring :D)

moving on to actually coloring, you wanna see what kind of colors are in your gif and enhance them. in the case of this gif, it’s very blue toned and blue tends to end up being very grainy in the end. i want to color correct this gif then and there’s a good tutorial that i learned from here :D (i don’t color correct all the time, only when the scene is very heavy in one color)

now we have a more neutral starting point, and you can color as you want from this point! i’d usually just Slap on my psd and adjust the settings until i get something i want, but i’ll go through some of my favorite adjustment layers and what my general coloring process looks like.

here is the Holy Grail of photoshop, the adjustments tab :D i use these adjustments the most:

brightness (i usually decrease the brightness and up the contrast just a bit)

levels (i take the black arrow down a bit and the grey arrow either increases or decreases depending on the gif)

curves (i use this sometimes!! if the gif is just a bit too dark, i usually bring this up a tiny bit)

vibrance (i usually bring this up to about +15 or +30 depending on how colorful the gif is)

color balance (another adjustment i absolutely need in all my gifs!! it helps to change the tone of the gif (if it’s too red/too blue/etc and lets you neutralize it more) and a good tutorial that explains how to use color balance can be found here)

selective color (i usually have like,,,, So Many Layers of this but this is a Must Have adjustment!!! i always change reds/yellows/cyans/blues/neutral/black)

gradient maps (just to add some more color)

exposure (usually to darken the gif a little and decrease grain)

and just for the sake of this tutorial, i’ll go through how i would color this gif so you can get an understanding of how i color :D

so we go from this

to this

i use the levels, curves and brightness adjustments to increase the contrast and darken/brighten the gif a little. it’s not a noticeable difference but it’s there :D

then, i use a color balance layer to make it more red-toned. i worked in the order of shadows > midtones > highlights and adjusted each slider until i got a result i wanted. i also thought it was still a bit too dark, so i threw in a curves layer too.

resulting in this

and then i added some selective color to enhance/change up some colors!

and because i thought it looked a little too red, i added another color balance layer.

and lastly, i add in an exposure layer!

and that’s how i would color that gif :D this is just a really basic coloring but you can always build on it and play with all the adjustments !!! now we’re gonna time the gif and then save it :DDD

part four. timing and exporting :D

timing is easy :D select all the frames in the timeline and then click the number so you bring up this menu:

click other and input the timing. i follow this really rough guide of what timing to use per amount of frames:

15-30 frames: 0.07s

30-60+ frames: 0.05s

i had 23 frames for this gif so i’m using the 0.07s timing :D hit enter and your gif is timed :DDDD !!!!!!

now for exporting!!!

i used to think there was only One Way of exporting gifs but after reading a gazillion tutorials and playing around with the settings myself there’s actually a lot of different ways :D you can ask people what their save settings are and play around with it :D

so to Finally save your gif, go to file > export > save for web and devices and this window should pop up

here’s a closer look at the settings i use to save gifs

make sure the looping option is on forever otherwise it plays once and then you want to Roll into a pool after you upload it and realize you hecked it up. also, make sure the file size is under 3mb. you can check that here

my gif is 1.08mb so it’s fine :D hit save and then name your gif and bam!!!! you made a gif :DDDDD here’s the final result, with a comparison for coloring :D

pat urself on the back and go tackle photoshop :D if you have any questions, feel free to send them my way !!!

#yeahps #gif tutorial #mine**#this took .. so much longer than i thought it would jHFJS

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