I suppose I am angry
With a fever I can't accept
From all those nights
Staying up late with a dad who couldn't accept
Who I was or what I wanted
Staying up till I see no lights
And I suppose I sleep angry now
When I wake, I see a room that isn't my own
As I'm still as angelic as the first
And it's already too late
To eat breakfast or ever change it
But I'm still as angelic as you want
Cause angels without their wings are pretty to you
And I suppose it hurts to wake
Does the red contrast well?
Being surrounded by archangels
Of perfection I won't be ever
Sweet Gabriel and Michael
While I am just here, burned away
Cause I dare speak of being clipped
And I suppose the crimson is pretty
At that Christmas morning,
I realized a truth maybe only to me
That God may love me but will never save me
In this world that I can't be in
I'm God's perfect child
But not enough to be saved
When I feel the wrapping of paper
I want to cry, scream, and screech
You put a doll in there, didn't you?
Or was it my wings?
And I feel your skin burn under me
But you said you loved me
So why does it hurt me too?
And it reminds me of those Christmas mornings
Around archangels and God
Praying I'd be like you
But I fell, so hard, so hard
And you were too selfish to save me
That's what my name means though
And you knew it all along
I was inspired by a fallen one
And I fell too cause you couldn't grow
Isn't that right?
That you can clean your mother's blood but can't escape your father's sins?
Sitting on the cold floor, I die
And die and die and die
But it's peaceful
Discorporated and invisible
Until I'm forced back near you
Then I have to be what you pray
And I wonder if God sees us
I remember the books
Dolls
Colored pencils
Candy
And even an orange in a stocking
Who knew this was to shape me
So, I stand near and grasp you
I cannot flee from my father
And covered in my mom's blood
So, just stop pretending you're not evil or corrupt
Cause I'm already too tainted
And I see you so angelically
3 notes
·
View notes
am I making you feel sick
"Do you think you will ever love somebody so much you'd let them cannibalize you?"
L looks at you wide eyed in curiosity, the spoon that was supposed to bring a scoop of mousse into his mouth stopping midway. He could never tell what you were thinking, and this was one of those times.
You stare back at him, pressing the back of your fingers to your lips.
"...or you would consider cannibalizing them?" You continued.
L kept his eyes trained on you as he brought the spoonful of mousse into his mouth. He mulled your question over as the dessert melted. Your mind was such a curious case to him, he wondered where these questions came from and why you had to ask them indiscriminately. You were working on such a high-profile case but here you were, asking about cannibalization as an expression of intense desire. Nevertheless, he entertained your musing.
"Miss Uehara, I've never actually thought about that before. But now that you've asked, I think I'm actually curious about how human meat tastes like."
You ease yourself back into the couch you shared and he started poking at the smooth surface of the mousse in his cup.
"As for the aspect of adoration so fierce that I would consider consuming the flesh of my significant other..." he paused, sticking the spoon deep into the cup that it stood in the mousse.
"...I don't see myself reaching that conclusion as of now. Maybe I will, for the right person. But may I ask, what's the appeal behind it to you? Would you do the same? Would you cannibalize your lover, would you let them cannibalize you?"
"Some people would say it's romanticizing abuse, but to me there's just something exceptionally romantic about loving someone so fierce you'd consider consuming their flesh." You reply, pressing a hand to your cheek as you bit at the tip of your pinky.
"Not for nourishment, by the way, it's more about the desire to have the person you love live inside you, course through your veins, become part of you in an intangible way."
"Does the flesh of your significant other have to be raw or should you cook it? Would you bite it off of them while they're alive or when they have already passed?" L asks, genuinely curious.
"Now you're asking the real questions." You chuckle as you scoot closer to him, keeping his gaze in yours as you continue to speak.
"I'd bite the flesh off of them if they'd let me, and I'd let them do the same, actually. All bloody around my chin as I tear it off of whatever body part they'd let me sink my teeth in. Imagine the metallic taste filling your mouth as you gnaw at them, all the force you have to apply just to tear a chunk of their muscle off of them. And then you chew, and it's tough, and it's not the most appealing taste but it's them, so you swallow..."
Was that a twitch on his right eye you saw? You could feel like he almost grimaced at your answer but his stoicism always wins over.
"That's gruesome, Miss Uehara.."
"Am I making you feel sick?" You grin at him and small smile tugs at the corner of his lips in amusement.
86 notes
·
View notes