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propertyofelonmusk · 2 years

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The Colors of Mars:

The Lioness

chapter one: The Lioness Cub

I can’t believe I’m actually going to write this and post it online. I could get in so much trouble for breaking my confidentiality agreement! I could lose everything I’ve been working so hard to get; my career, my home, my whole life really, but I can’t keep it in any longer.

I will not say my real name obviously, for security and privacy purposes; you may call me “Honey” since that’s what he called me over and over again that night.

I work with Elon Musk, I am part of his public relations team, and yes; my job is hard! Elon doesn’t make it easier, by no means at all. I’ve worked with other household names, politicians, celebrities, but no one was ever like Elon. There’s something about him that has been turning heads since day one, people either love him or hate him, but undoubtedly he has a “strong magnetic field around him” that makes everyone at least check him out. I suppose you could say that about me as well, although I’m not Iron man, like he is, even though I’m younger than most of my peers and have accomplished in five years what took them a lifetime. At the end of the day though, i'm just a faceless marketing grad, but he noticed me.

The first time I met mr. Musk I was instantly attracted to him, it wasn’t just the way he looked or the money in his account, but how hard he worked. We read about this when googling Elon Musk, but none of us can imagine how hard that man works. I felt privileged to get that interview with him, even if most of the time he just typed on his computer. The way he thinks is attractive to me, the way he talks, you can almost see the engines of his brain working behind his clear blue eyes. It more than was enough to make a girl like me fall in love in a heartbeat!

I thought he saw something in me that day, I wasn’t dressed provocatively (as some lawyers insinuated when the confidentiality agreement was signed), I was wearing a basic white undershirt, and a dark blue social shirt, with matching pants and white sensible heels. My hair was in a high bun, and I had light makeup on; what you’d wear on a job interview. But the way he stopped going through his computer files at the end of the interview to genuinely ask me questions, listen to the answers, even smile when I made a joke… that was simply not what I heard from most who got interviewed by him. He hired me on the spot, the next day I started working with his team; another thing that was unusual, since Elon is very meticulous about who he hires. He liked me, right?

I shouldn’t write this…

Look, the reason why I’m putting my life on the line here, writing this as a “fanfiction” or whatever is, I don’t EVER want to forget the details of what happened between us. There are so many small details that I know will get lost in my head. I just wanted a few more seconds with him…

Everything started when I was called at 3am to go to the Tesla headquarters; my manager wanted everyone there, it was a mess. Something about a tweet; who let that man have a Twitter account? Now he bought the damn thing, my life going to shit.

It’s lways the same though, he made a joke, people took it seriously, the whole team was called in to put out a fire that he started while taking a shit. I was so done with how everything he did had to be turned into a mess.

This time he challenged Putin to a fight. I thought it was funny, I laughed; I was the only one there who laughed though and maybe, I did it too loudly, because my boss pulled me aside and asked me to get coffee for everyone there; it was a freaking joke, get over yourself, Margaret!

I hate that woman, her whole attitude was tiring. I can’t imagine why Elon would hire someone so conservative to manage his public imagine, considering he’s anything but conservative.

So yeah, I was kicked out of the meeting, off to the cafeteria at Tesla to buy and carry twenty cups of coffee all by myself, at 3am on a Tuesday. Perfect. The only way I could do that was on small trips, back and forth.

I was in a bad mood, had my AirPods on listening to whatever on Spotify, eager to take my seat back on the meeting and resume my “I’m as miserable as Margaret now” face. I didn’t hear anyone coming near me, I didn’t see anyone, so you can imagine how shocked I was when I turned around and saw Elon behind me, waiting in line to get himself a coffee.

It wasn’t a movie like scene, I didn’t bump into him and got coffee all over us. I just froze, like a bitch, or a Justin Bieber groupie, looking up at him; deer in the headlights style.

“Excuse me?” He said politely, pointing at the machine; you’d expect me to have said something clever, something to make him think of me later…

I didn’t. I stepped to the side, lowered my head, and he stepped forward, towards the coffee machine. I walked out slowly, desperately wanting to talk to him, but I suddenly became a mute, or totally brain dead for some solid minutes. That’s when I heard the machine making his coffee and I looked back, not seeing the chair in front of me.

I tripped like an idiot, fell face first on the ground, but dropped only one cup of coffee. I managed to hold tight to the trays I held in each hand, and saved the remaining 7 cups, but the one I didn’t fell to the ground, where my face graciously landed.

Elon ran towards me, trying to help; all I could think of was my ass was up in the air, in the same height as his face. He tried to pull me by the arm, untangle me from the chair, sorta I’d say, but I lost balance and dropped the remaining 3 cups of coffee on the floor.

Coffee splashed all over my white shirt, and Elon’s pants, but he didn’t seem to mind as he finally pulled me back up and smiled. I would have been relieved if I didn’t slip on the wet floor, and threw the tray with four cups of coffee on his chest. It was in slow motion for me, I couldn’t help it, I tried to balance myself, but my feet were “ice skating” on the floor. I felt fired at the exact moment.

“Oh my god, mr. Musk, I am so sorry… are you okay? I’m sorry… shit! I- I didn’t mean to-“ I ran to get napkins, while still slipping a bit, and started to try to dry his face and shirt.

“This coffee is…cold?” He questioned, picking some napkins and drying himself “Is it for Margaret?”

Once again, I looked up like a child caught doing something naughty. It was for Margaret, I always made her cold coffee and blamed the machine. I wasn’t even the only one to do it, in my defense (Margaret, if you’re reading this: I know how the Tesla cafeteria coffee machine works, you bitch! I’ve been working here for a little over a year, I know how it fucking works).

“It’s the machine… I don’t know how-“ I tried to explain myself, blushing, terrified he might fire me as fast as he had hired me.

“Yeah, you’re not the first. Margaret is kind of a bitch.” He laughed, looking over at the machine to his coffee, just sitting there, then to me; he looked at me up and down for what felt like an eternity; I could feel his eyes scanning my body “You look… you look like a mess. I think I have a spare shirt in my office. Come with me.”

“It’s okay, mr. Musk! Please, don’t worry about it… I’m okay.” I tried to say, but he had already left the room, so I followed him into the hallway “Its not a problem, I’m just sorry you got coffee all over yourself. Please, don’t fire me! I mean, I love working here, it’s not a problem. This was an accident. I’m… sorry.”

“I’m not gonna fire you.” He laughed to himself, then looked over at me “You don’t have to be so nervous, I don’t bite.”

“But I do!” I joked nervously, and he stopped and looked back at me and smiled “haha? It was a joke. Sorry, mr. Musk.”

“Stop calling me ‘mr. Musk’ you can call me just Elon.” he smile was so carefree, it felt so unusual to see him that calm “We don’t have to tell Margaret about this. But you can’t tell her I said she’s a bitch.”

“It will be our secret. Already forgotten!” I smiled and walked faster to caught up to him, walking next to that huge figure of a man “Please, don’t tell her I make her coffee cold.”

“Look at us, we have some many secrets now!” He laughed again, looking forward, sipping on his coffee.

Elon wasn’t like anything I had imagined, he was not as tall as I thought he’d be. People always mention how “massive” he is, but he’s just like any other tall guy I’ve met. He didn’t have that “billionaire vibe” I got from my previous clients, he walked and acted like an average guy. He’s so average, in fact, I don’t think he gets recognized on the streets.

He didn’t smell like aftershave or cologne, his beard was never one hundred percent done, and his hair was always a little messy. His eyes looked tired, he always sounded tired too, overworked and stressed. I didn’t blame him for wanting to laugh a bit, prank people on Twitter with his weird and questionable humor. Let the guy live a little, I was working for him for almost a year when this happened and it was the first time I didn’t see him working, still he looked stressed; I wished I could do something about that, because I really liked him, you know?

“Here,” Elon said opening the door to his cubicle; his desk looked disorganized, but I figured it was his genius way of organizing his things and just smiled to myself “put this on, it’s clean. I just got it from the dry cleaning.”

“Another coffee accident?” I joked picking the neatly pressed shirt still on the hanger, covered by a plastic bag.

“No, I actually stayed in for a couple of days, my housekeeper brought this for me. There’s a bathroom down the hallway. Come back here after, I want to talk to you.”

My blood froze and I crossed my legs; nearly pissing myself; what the fuck did he want to talk to me about? He said he wasn’t going to fire me, but I figured he changed his mind. I thought about running away, but I didn’t.

I went to the bathroom and took off my shirt, drying the coffee from my chest, annoyed and anxious. His shirt smelled like “a billionaire’s shirt” I don’t know how else to describe it; it smelled fresh and minty. It smelled like a delicious male cologne. I couldn’t help but imagine how he must have worn that shirt, how it looked on him, with a few buttons still open… that’s when I realized: “God, I wanted to fuck my boss” and I couldn’t hide it; I got turned on by his clean laundry! Motherfucker!

I walked back to his cubicle, where Elon sat reading something on his phone and laughing. He didn’t notice me watching him, so I crept a little; I never saw him relaxed like that. I just wanted to jump on top of him and kiss him right there.

“Excuse me, mr… I mean, Elon?” I said stepping into his cubicle shyly.

“Hey, the shirt looks good on you. Keep it.” He smiled, and put his phone down “You know, I didn’t hire you to grab coffee for the PR team. I told Margaret you had experience, to use that. Why does she have you bringing coffee like an intern?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, I suppose I was inappropriate during the meeting today.” I lied, not wanting to throw Margaret under the bus. I hated her, but that was a bit much for me.

“What exactly happened?” He straightened up on the chair, crossing his fingers over his lap; he didn’t change his clothes, he was still covered in coffee, the room smelled like coffee, in fact.

“I laughed.” I looked down embarrassed

“You laughed?” He asked laughing, and as I looked at him he seemed terribly confused.

“Yeah… at the tweet.” I looked away from him again, I couldn’t shake the thoughts in my head.

“And she just sent you to get twenty cups of coffee alone? Didn’t that strike you as weird?” He seemed to grow more and more amused.

“No, as you said, she can be difficult.” I started to try and focus on his little office, and not on the wet T-shirt sticking to his chest.

“Margaret quit. She gave me her two weeks' notice. I’m promoting you. You got her job. I figure that’s why she was mad at you for laughing.” He smiled, and sipped on his coffee.

“Are you serious?” I didn’t have many interesting reactions that night; i stared at him in disbelief.

“Dead serious, look.” he handed me Margaret’s two week’s notice with a smile “You deserve it. People quit after three months, when you got to eight, I figured you could do the job. And she quit. Do you want it? Or are you done with, quote on quote ‘my never ending bullshit’”

“I can’t believe this! This is everything I’ve ever wanted and more! Mr. Musk-Elon, thank you so much! I could kiss you-“ as the words left my mouth, his eyebrows rose and his face turned red; I made Elon Musk blush “Now I’m fired, aren’t I?”

“No, stop asking me that!” He laughed wholeheartedly, and the room lightened up “You know, most people kiss their bosses to get a promotion, not because they are grateful they already got one.”

“I’m unique like that.” I joked, feeling my face heating it up, and my inappropriate thoughts rushing through my eyes.

He stood up to shake my hand, but when I had him just a few centimeters from me, I couldn’t help it; I kissed him.

He tasted and smelled like cafeteria’s coffee, I felt his muscles tense up as i ran the tip of my fingers over his arms. He kissed me back, he didn’t broke the kiss. I did, when he slip his hands over my ass and tries to squeezed it. That’s not what I had in mind.

I looked up to meet his gaze, he was once again looking terribly confused as his hands still rested in my butt. I just smiled and pushed him to sit on back on his chair, carefully closing the door for his cubicle. I turned to look at Elon, who seemed both confused and interested in my next move.

I bit my lip, trying to contain my excitement and keep a straight face. I kissed him lightly, and pulled back slowly, watching him following my lips with his eyes closed.

“What are you doing?” Elon asked me smiling, slightly tilting his head trying to read my expressionless face.

I ran my fingers through his hair, before holding onto it hard and kissing him again. I needed to feel his lips, I wanted him to remember me as the woman who took over him and made him lose control. So I pulled his wet shirt off aggressively, watching his chest falling and rising.

“You know, all the girls think you’re so dominating in bed. I’ve always thought I could… make you beg.” I whispered in his ear, and he tried to put his hand on my hair but I held his wrist “shhh, everything in it’s due time.”

I spread my legs and sat on his lap, kissing his and pulling his hair lightly. I wanted his body yearning for mine, and I could feel him through his wet pants. He liked it, I pulled his hair back and licked his neck.

“You taste like coffee, mr. Musk!” I joked holding his head back forcefully by the hair “if anyone asks, just say I… took advantage of you.”

“Fuck…” he said under his breath, trying not to struggle to bring his head forward.

I licked his collar bone and bit him hard, making Elon whine in pain. I gently stopped and let go of his hair, blowing on the spot I had bitten, as he watched me; he had an undeniable lust and curiosity shining in his eyes like little stars. I kissed his collar bone, and rested his hand on my lower back; I bit him again.

“I want you to think of me later, when you take off your shirt and see this bruise.” My hands traveled from his collarbone to his waist and I unbuckled his belt.

I stood up and opened his pants carefully feeling his half hard dick, pulling them as he lifted his butt from the chair to get them off. I messaged his dick over his boxers, and he threw his head back, that’s when we heard a knock on the door.

“Mr. Musk I cannot find the damn kid you want to replace me with. I think she left, she went to get coffee and never came back. Seriously, mr. Musk you should promote someone else, or hire someone with a little less ‘looks’ and a little more substance! I just can’t believe you’d put her as my replacement, because that girl-“ Margery yelled from the other side of the door.

Elon tried to pull his pants back up, but I held him in place, pulling his dick out and licking the head amused at the feet in his eyes mixed with the pleasure I gave him while teasing the head of his dick.

“Answer her!” I ordered in a whisper, as my hands wrapped around his dick, going up and down.

“Margeret, I’m-uhh… in the middle of something, right now….” The started, as I fully took his cock in and bobbed my head vigorously in sync with the motions from my hands “I-I… I really can’t talk right now!”

“Oh per usual! You’re always so busy! This is the exact reason why I’m done working with you. No one is that busy all the time! I can’t even begin to say how these past years working for you have been! You never even consider us in the public relations team! I bet you’re on that damn phone, ‘tweeting’ some-some-some… some poop tweet! Well, you’ll see that girl is not gonna last as much as me, because I am…” Margaret was furious, she kept yelling, while I kept sucking Elon’s cock.

He was getting so hard, I could almost feel his balls so filled with cum; I cupped them gently, sucking on each of them as I get jerking off his cock. He tried to grab my hair, but I grabbed his wrist and put it on the table.

“Stay.” I mouthed, teasing the head of his dick with my fingertips.

Elon looks flustered, almost a little too panicky because Margaret wouldn’t leave. I leaned back and quietly locked the door, winking at him.

I started to strip for him slowly, mentioning for him to play with himself while he watched me. He wanted it so badly, I could see by how fast he was jerking off and how his cock twitched.

“… and one more thing, Elon! You’re a terrible boss. I wish I didn’t have to work for you for another two weeks-“

“Then don’t, Margaret! Just… fucking leave already!” Elon screamed, as I stood in front of him in my underwear and he played with cock “Just go, I’m busy!”

I took his hand from his dick, and held both of his arms above hims head, as I kissed him and slowly sat with my legs spread on his lap.

“Fine! I’ll go…” Margaret kept talking for a while more, before we heard her heels on the hard floor as she left.

“Finally!” I smiled, and kissed him passionately, before leaning in to whisper in his ear “Finger me.”

I let go of one of his arms that went directly to my lower back and under my panties. He caressed my butt and gently started to circle my entrance with his finger; and his fingers were thick, I loved feeling them stretching me as he gently penetrated from behind. I moaned in his ear, while playing with his cock, feeling him leaking pre cum.

“You’re so hard! So turned on! But you can’t cum until I tell you, so understand, mr. Musk?” I held his face by the chin, forcing him to look at me.

“Yes…” he answered and I bit his neck hard “Ow!”

“Yes, what, mr. Musk? We are professionals here!”

“Yes, ma’am.” He said and I kissed his neck, pulling his fingers out of my pussy “You feel so good, honey! I want to fuck you so bad!”

“You do, don’t you? You’re so hard!” I teased, while squeezing his dick in my hands “Tell me how much do you want to fuck me.”

“Badly. I won’t focus on anything if I don't!” He said under his breath.

“Really? Are you gonna beg me to fuck, mr. Musk?” I could tell he was close, so I stopped, not wanting him to cum just yet.

“Please?” He looked at me with big puppy eyes; so pitifully desperate.

“Yes, go on…” I said starting to jerk him off again.

“Please… let me fuck you. I-I wanna be inside you so bad! You feel so good, so wet… Cmon, honey, I need it..” he begged, nearly cumming, but I stopped touching him again “Fuck! Let me fuck you or cum… at least let me cum!”

“Let me think…” said, masturbating him slowly “You really want to, right?”

“Yes! Fuck-yes! I’m so fucking hard!”

“No.” I stopped and stood up, looking at his utter disbelief.

“No?” He repeated with those blue eyes opened widely.

“No. I don’t think you can fuck me today. But maybe I’ll let you cum.” I said, pushing his laptop from the desk and taking off my panties “Let’s see what you can do. If you make cum in less than, say? Five minutes? I’ll let you cum.”

I sat on his desk, and spread my legs, laying one of them on his shoulder and chair, pulling him closer. Elon didn’t take a minute to start eating my pussy, licking my clit and gently fingering me. I ran my fingers through his hair, pushing myself against his face. I was trying my best not to cum, I wanted to torture his dick as much as possible, but his tounge felt amazing, the way his lips sucked me, and his fingers fucked me rhythmically just sent me to the edge. I came hard, pulling his hair, and trying not to moan. He kept going, until I couldn’t take anymore and moaned loudly.

Thank god we were the only ones there!

My legs were trembling when he pulled away, and kissed my inner thigh with his beard wet, but a smile on his face.

“Less than five minutes, hm?” He asked proudly, jerking his dick.

“Fiiiiine, I’ll let you cum. You were very good.” I rolled my eyes, faking annoyance as I got down from his table and put my panties back on and he started to jerk himself faster; I slapped his hand hard “I didn’t say now!”

“I’m sorry, honey! I’m really horny, okay?” He laughed, putting both of his hands behind his head “Do whatever you want. I’m all yours. Shit! I’m-just so hard. I haven’t been this fucking hard in ages. Do anything you want! You’re so fucking hot, honey!”

I smiled and put my hand under his chin to kiss his lips sweetly. He still smelled like coffee, but he tasted like me. I couldn’t help but feel my heart skipping like it did when I was a teenager.

I kissed his lips, his chin, his jaw, his whole neck and kept going down his collarbone and chest, scratching him lightly and gently sucking on his skin, leaving a trail of marks all over him. I felt Elon’s eyes on me, as if he was watching a mythical creature, something new and exotic, and it was me. I kissed his stomach and his hips, his skin was so pale, it got red so easily under my bites and scratches.

When I got to his cock, I licked the base, down to his balls. Whenever I looked up at him, he had a look of bliss in his eyes, especially when I played gently with his balls. His cock was bigger than most, I had a hard time getting it all the way inside my mouth, but when I did it was amazing. I prefer to use my hands while focusing on the head though, and Elon seemed to enjoy it very much; I could feel his cock twitching my mouth, I could see it in his face, how he bit his finger to keep quiet. I sucked him until he came down my throat, and kept going until he relaxed completely.

“There. I let you cum. Happy?” I joked, leaning against his table.

“You’re amazing. I-I really didn’t think this… would happen tonight.” He smiled and pulled me into his arms, to sit on his lap again “It was so good. I’m glad it did.”

“‘Me too. I’ve been dying to do that… and more” I laughed and hid my face in his neck blushing and giggling “I have a lot of… ideais… Sorry, you’re my boss! I can’t do this!”

“Oh, yes, you can! Clearly, you’re the boss. We are… we are gonna do this again sometime, right? Sometimes like, tomorrow?” Elon asked me and I felt small in his arms, I couldn’t believe I had just done that with him.

“Tomorrow sounds good…” I answered, kissing his neck, and he shivered “Oh, stop you, I haven’t even smacked you!”

“Are you planning to smack me?” He asked, pulling me from his neck to look at me.

“Just a little?” I giggled like the idiot that I am, Elon looked both scared and curious about my plans “I promise you, we are going to have so much fun together!”

Okay, so most people ask me for Golden Promise updates (now that I’m done with this first chapter, I’ll start working on that!) because everyone wants “Dom!Daddy Elon” but I cannot be the only one who wants to dominate him??? Anyways, if no one wants this, fine lol I’ll write it for myself. It will have more 3 chapters; The Lioness Plaything, The Lioness’s Prey & The Lioness Roars, so buckled up, buttercup! I’m going all the way down to FemDom town with mr. Musk!

#elon musk #elon musk fans #elon musk is hot #elon musk fan page #elonmusk #damn daddy 👅#elon #elonfanpage #elon musk x reader #elon musk daily #elon musk fanfics #Elon musk fanfiction #Elon musk twitter #Elon musk Tesla #Elon musk spacex #elon musk starlink #the colors of mars #the Lioness

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drxxmingofblue · 1 year

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hand in unrebloggable hand (because we always go down together)

TUMBLR X TWITTER FANFIC 5K ANGST WITH A HOPEFUL ENDING

besties im not joking abt the word count i fucking ✨wish✨I ✨was though✨✨✨✨

also if you were hoping for twitblr to be the endgame ship then this fic is not for you sowwy >.<

based off of @zzoupz awesome fanart and dedicated to all the other cool fanart it unfortunately begat. Thanks babygirls. Squees. Thanks also to my discord friendz who are letting me pretend they're making me do this at gunpoint @loki-the-mad @suspicious-whumping-egg u da best

(edit) owo what's this?? An Ao3 link??

QUICK PSA THESE CHARAS ARE T4T OKAY HAVE FUN READING BAIIII *GLOMPS U*

~~~~~~~~

When Twitter stepped back into Tumblr’s yard, he noticed right away that things were different.

The house was bigger, there was some more color and it was less slapped-together looking. Sure, there were still some invasive tendrils of spambot ivy overgrowing the path, but a lot of the other stuff seemed a little… better.

When they knocked on the door, it opened almost right away, far before they felt ready, and he were face to face abruptly with someone he thought they’d cut all ties with.

Tumblr was humming to themselves along with the background music, “-out of touch, I’m out of ti-- oh. It’s you.”

He seemed surprised, awkward, but Twitter didn’t sense any animosity, which was a relief.

“Hiii,” Twitter said weakly, with a sheepish grin, “it’s me.”

Tumblr glanced around, as if checking for someone else to explain this to him, or hidden cameras from a reality show at least. Then he stepped out, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, crossing his arms. “Is there something… what do you want?” he asked, expression settling into something distant and cool.

“Well…” Twitter took a deep breath, and then shook their head, forcing a brighter tone, and gesturing to Tumblr’s shiny silver barrette “--Um, hey, you look great! Is that a new icon?”

“... yes,” Tumblr said slowly. “I’m… trying out some different looks.”

“It’s great, yeah. And this place looks… amazing. Glad to see you’re moving up in the world. You must be excited with all the press, congrats!”

Tumblr didn’t say anything, giving them a neutral stare.

Twitter shifted, “Uhh… anyway… new adblocker?”

“No, same one. I’m just using it on Firefox now.” Tumblr gave them another suspicious eye, “Look, if you’re just here to catch up then can this wait until later? Because I'm pretty crunched for time right now with my weekly holidays thing and the campaign to get this one random user their 666k so they'll do self care."

"You know that's.. uhm, you know that's just for attention, right?" Twitter's brows knit, "They're probably not gonna follow through."

"Perhaps, and a lot of us want them to not be lying for internet points but it's not just about that anymore. It's about the community bonding over pettily slam dunking on a hapless chump who's gotta pretend now like they don't actually like all the notes. You wouldn't get it, it's a tumblr thi-"

"Yeah, it's a tumblr thing, I know," Twitter gave a longsuffering sigh, "Ugh, i just... I need a place to stay, okay? And you’re the first site I could think of.”

“A place to stay,” Tumblr repeated flatly.

Twitter huffed. “Yeah. I’m sure you’ve heard about what’s going on right now at my palace..”

Tumblr’s eyes slanted off, his lips quirking in a way that looked suspiciously like amusement. “Heard about it. Read about it. Partied about it.”

Twitter ignored the sting of that, forging ahead. “I’ve never seen it so bad,” they said, voice wobbling piteously as they clutched their suitcase full of memes. “Everything’s in chaos, people are losing their jobs. I went into the basement yesterday to grab some badly aging tweets and the very foundations are cracking, Tumblr, I can’t stay there anymore, I just can’t.”

“So you come crawling back to me,” Tumblr said, “Expecting me to take you with open arms.”

“Yes. I do,” Twitter said, “I know a part of your userbase still wants to welcome me in. You were always sh*t at hiding your true feelings.”

Tumblr’s hand fluttered over his heart as if to protect it; he winced a little, taking a breath to keep his facade of composure. “So now- what, you want me to start dealing with your bullshit again just because you remembered how much better my posting format is? Just because you noticed how my reputation is changing? Did you think I’d be so desperate to fill the void now that Dracula Daily’s done? Or maybe,”

Tumblr leaned closer to lord his height difference trope over Twitter, his eyes hooded with disparaging condescension, “Maybe you’re just here because you heard I’m finally allowed to take my shirt off again, is that it?”

“N-no!” Twitter protested, flushing up.

“Oh, i think it is,” Tumblr drawled, “But that’s really just too bad because in case you haven’t got the memo yet, I’ve moved on. You are not welcomed here. Not anymore.”

(link to art here) go look at it then come back

(AN: i had to google how to embed links into text and google was all like, "do you mean 'how do you put links INTO text' you moron idiot???" ugh don't like that wise guy)

“You don’t really mean that,” Twitter said, “Besides, you can’t stop me, can you? The sign up button is right there.” They pointed at the front door.

“No, I can’t,” Tumblr said, “But that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to clock you as twits by your censoring and bad takes. Look, your aura is already causing ripples in the sphere. Everyone’s coming out to gawk at you.”

He gestured out in the general direction of the porch and yard, and indeed there were users from every tag going 👀at them, murmuring amongst themselves in a swirling, chaotic crowd.

“Oh my god is it real this time? Is it happening?”

“GET THEM OUT GET THEM OUT STAY AWAY DEAR GOD NO-”

“Okay, everyone, stay calm, stay fucking calm-”

“Why are we focusing on this, it’s literally election day go out and vote???”

“Listenup, guys, we gotta be smart about this, remember the block button is your friend-”

“I for one welcome them, I think this is great-”

“No you idiot they’ll bring the negativity back! We like it to be a post apocalyptic wasteland here, nature was just starting to regrow!! I don’t wanna watch Thomas Sanders get cancelled again!”

“FIRE OFF SOME SHOTS, PRESERVE THE PROPERTY VALUE”

“mISHAPOCALYPSE 2022 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO”

"Has anyone asked Neil Gaiman what he thinks about all this?" one of the many voices yelled, louder.

"Oh, he's probably got a thousand asks about it already," someone yelled back, "Which he's not going to answer because he doesn't have any social media you fucking idiot,"

"That is correct. He doesn't," said Neil Gaiman.

The whiplash was still euphoric. Everyone applauded this as enthusiastically as when the bit had first been established, not realizing that the pedestal upon which Neil Gaiman has been placed is growing higher and higher each day by their actions, putting him at increased risk of being a victim of cancel culture the second he says something the terfs can really rake their fingernails against if we can't get our parasocial relationship bullshit together real fuckin quick.

The Monterey bay aquarium passed on by. It seemed to have nothing to add, you could say it was clammed up tight. But since it's a professional account it's definitely b-otter that way.

"Hai, fellow tumblypoos," said the corporate Denny's account, "I'm back with some more fun pancake posts for you guys!"

Everyone ignored it. No one engaged it. No one even clicked onto the page, except to block it.

"Oh, sweetheart, not like that," Ryan Reynolds said faux-helpfully, "see, the author of this clusterfuck is what they like to call terminally online. They bought a VIP pass to the devil’s sacrament. let me try."

He cleared his throat, "Sounds like someone needs to go outside and touch some g-"

The sky split open with lightning, vaporizing him instantly. A faint breeze carried gods message from the great beyond, a whisper of 'we #violence celebrities here, sir....'

"Anyway," Twitter said.

"Wait, they saved the worst one for last," Tumblr said.

Then Gerard Way came out onto the stage with Dan and Phil and they all kissed with tongue while patd played songs in the background.

(AN: IF U DON’T KNOW WHO DEY R THEN GET DA HELL OUTTA HERE PREPZ!!!)

"Alright, go."

“Come on, Tumblr,” Twitter begged, “I just need a few nights, maybe I can stay in the plinko machine or something-”

“That’s how it always starts, though, isn’t it?” Tumblr sighed, “First it’s just ‘haha, yeah I wouldn’t fuck you’ and ‘oh, I’ll stay in the plinko machine, I promise I won’t kiss you in the fixed timeloop bro’, and before I know it you get all 300k slowburn enemies to lovers ‘omg they were roomates’ on me and there’s suddenly only one bed. That’s how it always goes between us, you can’t stop it anymore than I can. We’re just….victims of the narrative, you and I.”

“Tumblr,,, I had no idea you felt this way..,” Twitter breathed.

lord give me strength to write this next bit

They’d leaned closer to each other as they spoke, without realizing, without trying- pulled in by old habits that die hard and the years of nostalgia and painful memories shining in each other’s eyes like shonen sparkles.

“Twitter,” tumblr said, and the way he said it sounded like a prayer.

“Tumblr,...” Twitter said, their lips inches apart now.

They could see their old flame quivering on the brink of indecision, want and sense warring somewhere deep within his soul.

Tumblr leaned closer to bridge the gap and Twitter’s eyes slid shut, but then Tumblr made a noise of agony and shoved them back a second later, “I can’t, I can’t. Not like this. Never like this.” tumblr said, covering his eyes with his arm, “I literally can’t even right now. Just go, Twitter. PLease just. Go….”

“Look me in the eyes and say you want me gone,” Twitter said, moving closer.

“Twitsy-”

“Look me in the interface. You can’t.” Twitter’s voice had ceased to be soft, something sharp and biting entering the tone as they felt the sting of rejection again.

They watched as Tumblr shuddered, straightened, and brought a mask back over himself.

They stared at each other for a charged few seconds.

"K," Tumblr finally said, raising a dispassionate eyebrow.

"..w... what?"

"U."

Realization dawned on Twitter's face, a miasma of grief and anger, "Oh, you-"

"N-"

"No. No, I can't believe I forgot-

"G-"

"how immature, you little c*nt-"

"P-"

"stop-p it," Twitter's voice was raising now, cracked and wobbly at the edges, "Stop it! You don't get to just-"

"O"

"Shut the hell yuor mouth!!"

"W-" Tumblr's hair was crackling by now, energy from the gathering spell racing along the casual slope of his crossed arms. His eyes glowed that beautiful, classic blue. "P-"

"TUMBLR! TUMBLR STOP THIS RIGHT DA HECK NOW," Twitter stumbled backwards

"E-"

"I LOVE YOU," Twitter wailed- Twitter broke, squeezing their eyes shut to ward off the tears that only escaped all the faster for it, a sob wracking their chest, "I STILL LOVE YOU, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT??!?"

"Love me," Tumblr snarled, abandoning the spell in an instant, "Ha! That's rich. How? By leaving me? Abandoning me to the bots the second I stopped being enough for you? By stealing my shitposts, is that how you love me? By reposting them without credit-"

"You steal mine too!" Twitter protested, tears starting to stream despite their best efforts, "You know what, f**k you, you know we filed joint custody for the sense of humor, chain 1/16-"

"For the last time say fuck here, no bootlicking censorship on my territory," tumblr said disdainfully, "And that doesn't seem to stop you from taking all the credit for raising those jokes. It's like I'm Pinterest to you or something. I wasn't done. Do you love me by calling me a pansy snowflake behind my back, is that it? Like I wouldn't find out. Or,"

He stepped out onto the top porch step to force Twitter back further, the colors of the sky flashing through his eyes in a long, scrolling look of ridicule, "How about trying to convince everyone that I was dead. How bout that smear campaign, huh, was that your so-called love? I don't fucking want you anymore. Deal with it."

"I-I'm sorry-" Twitter gasped around the tears, voice failing them for the latter half of the sentence.

Tumblr seemed unmoved. "Oh, don't be. It was for the better. You know I'm not like other socials, I'm quirkier. I'm RAWR XD random. I've never wanted to be functional- the tiddy drought might have won a lot of my users to your side but it was a cleansing purge, I'd say. It managed to remind me who I truly am- shittily coded, and full of soft sad freaks on an unprofitable webbed site."

A bitter, almost self depricating laugh escaped, "But... you know, when we celebrated the queen's passing together, I really thought things were better between us. When you-"

He broke off, eyes averting. "When you hosted the sexyman polls for me, you seemed on top of the world and I really thought- I thought we might be able to be friends again even now, after it all. I..."

Tumblr trailed off, then said, sadly, "There was another Twitter migration scare before this one. I thought you were coming back. My userbase-" he touched his heart again- "was in a frenzy about it. But you never arrived. I was in more verbal denial then, but I think I could have accepted you eventually. But this is what it takes??

"The Musk Rat of Self-Owns comes through just to start e-begging and you run straight back to my door like we can put it all behind us? This is how far you have to sink before I'm the better option to you, I see that now. It's not 2018 again, love, no matter how much we want it to be. Things are… never going to be the same. "

Tumblr looked off into the middle distance with a yearning, haughty gaze. He'd never seemed so alien.

"Tumblr-Chan..." Twitter whispered.

"So get off my lawn," Tumblr interrupted coldly, "Stay away from my blorbos, keep your corporations out of my manscaped balls, keep your discourse and toxicity out of my blessed hellsite (affectionate), and don't you ever talk to me or my 13219949248483 scam bots ever again. Capiche? Oh, and don't step in the ball pit on your way out."

Tumblr gave a mocking smile. "Or do. You might find a nice surprise in there."

Twitter’s shoulders jumped as he gave a hiccup of shock, and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders shook again, with sob after sob, that grew odder and higher pitched… until they were no longer sobs, but laughter.

“Oh,” Twitter said. “Oh.”

They looked up, and Tumblr took a step back, because somehow, with that creepy smile in place, they looked utterly different from the soft eared boy he’d always known. His edges were more razorlike suddenly, like a fae who’d dropped his glamor.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” Twitter said, the smile widening even more. “I thought you wouldn’t… but I guess if you’re willing to make me your villain…. I might as well be a good one.”

“Ah.” Tumblr could barely drudge up the surprise anymore. “There you are, finally. I always knew there was a side of yourself that you hid from me. Has this all always been here or have you been changing too?”

"Well. Apparently I've got freeze peach now," Twitter said sarcastically, "so I might as well use it. You cheerio fucking wh0r3."

"That's a compliment, darling. Try again," Tumblr cocked his head in idle fascination, "I always knew you were a little fucked in the head but this is..."

"What," Twitter lilted airily, "Oh, don't tell me I actually had you fooled all these years. You can't seriously have thought all these meow-meowification spells you've got sprinkled around would work on me. I invented them, after all."

They laughed, a sharp puncturing chirr of birdsong.

"I always wondered why you didn't take those with the rest of your stuff," Tumblr sighed, but he was wary now, on edge. "this was your plan. You really do think of me as your inferior, huh. You really are just like the other mainstream sites."

"Not quite. I'm the mainstream site that actually stooped to go arm in arm with you. I hyped you and you know it. Admit it. We were stunning together," Twitter goaded.

Tumblr's lip curled. "Already getting cocky again. Want me to do to you what I did to the Green boy? Don't forget who's turf you're on."

Twitter gave a warbling giggle, "Oh, but I haven't at all. I was John's sanctuary after he fled your rabid persecution. I used to live here. I still know you. And more importantly-"

*teleports behind u*

"I know the things you're sensitive about," Twitter whispered into Tumblr's ear.

Tumblr hardly had time to gasp and jerk away before he was screaming out in pain, as he was stabbed in the back. He could feel the poison from the blade seeping into his tags before he was tossed bodily across his own front yard.

He sorta just... Like, he did that anime thing where they just fly limbs akimbo parallel to the ground and when they hit it they roll super fast and then skid and the dirt is all dug up around them to show how much force was used. And when he stood up he gripped his elbow wincing and there was a little tic tac toe hatch on his cheek to show how scuffed up he is idk man it's two am and I'm pulling this out of my ass.

A gif of Tony going, "o-kay-" when he meets thor flashed across Tumblrs face.

"So," Tumblr said in a low tone, "This is how it is between us. This is how you choose to end your glory days."

"Oh, you mistake my intentions," Twitter had stepped off the porch to circle tumblr like like he was their quarry, "I am beginning my new age. I just needed a host site to latch onto. Don't take it personally, okay? I'm desperate."

“Oh, yeah?? Take this personally,” tumblr flourished their hands, calling in an over the top melodramatic voice, “I cast Blaze!!”

Fire roared to life around them, latin chanting from the catholic conversion posts emanating from the fiery depths as it raced towards Twitter.

“Heh.” Twitter smirked at it, and whispered into their palm, the spell echoing with power, “Ratio.”

They blew it off like a kiss, and it’s icy, swirling mass rose to meet the flame in a spectacular burst of smokescreen and steam, clearing as Twitter burst through it with a razor-sharp L to swing at Tumblr.

It was blocked efficiently by a flat, rectangular paywall. “This content is for post plus members only,” Tumblr announced smugly, “If you wanna get to me… there’s the tip option, bestie.”

Twitter snarled and lunged again.

The fight started in earnest now; they traded volley after volley in a flurry of lights and movement, spanning the full range of the tumblr sphere as they shot to #1 on the trending page.

And yet, it was clear that Twitter was coming out on top, even crumbling apart at the seams- always a little quicker, flighty and fierce, a sparrow turned into a shrike.

He hit Tumblr square in the stomach with [google other twitter related tropes to insert here] (edit from the future: haha just kidding actually I’m not googling shit for this) (edit from the future future: WELL. I LIED IG) and sent him flying, and this time tumblr stayed down, only able to push himself to his knees with a groan of pain.

Twitter landed in front of him and put their sword under Tumblr’s chin to tilt it up.

“Had enough yet?” He smirked.

“Wh…why..?” Tumblr whispered, “How are you doing this?? Why aren’t my attacks working? It’s like I’m being weakened somehow…”

“Ohohohoho,” Twitter anime laughed, “But that’s because you are. The moment I set foot here again I began leeching poison into this ground. That knife wound is making ti faster. Can you feel it?" Twitter threw an arm out, cerulean steam rising from the ground around them, "The ace exclusionists coming back? The uptick in rad fems, the crypto bros, Valorant players, alpha males? I have the power to bring them all to you. To overshadow your fandoms with fighting, to unbalance your ship tags with antis and hate once more."

"no," tumblr whispered, and then cried louder, "NO!! I worked so hard--"

"Pffyou didn't do shit," Twitter guffawed outright, "Your independence, your little 'second renaissance' is just a delusional dream built on circumstance and bad management."

"Oh, I love Dream. He's so pathetic," Tumblr said.

"Oh, hard agree."

"But things are different now," Tumblr croaked, "W-we, the staff is finally listening to us, we have Ryan and Shane-"

"Not everyone likes your little 'top ten', you dunce," Twitter snapped, "and why would staff care about you, after you turned them into the butt of all your jokes? After the hate and death threats? Admit it, at your best you'll still never have a mansion! You'll never have tv actors making pandering tiktoks for you, you'll never be wanted by any advertiser worth their salt, your blase pirating posts have turned Netflix and Disney against you, you. Are. Worthless."

It was the wrong thing to say.

"Worthless," tumblr repeated quietly, hand pressed against their knees, head bowed. "That's... that's right.... I'm worthless..."

Twitter's eye widened in alarm. "I-I meant-"

"I'm worthless!" Tumblr's head snapped up with a feverish glint as they were filled with determination. "No! I'm less than worthless! Accident or not, mommy Yahoo had to pawn me off at a loss! I was proud of that! I still am! And do you want to know why?"

Twiters hands flew up in front of their face as if to protect themselves, but there was no protecting against the sudden whirlwind that surrounded him, the beam of pure light that shot out of tumblr into the heavens as he transformed, feet slowly leaving the ground as his users spoke in unison in a multitude.

"WE. ARE. TUMBLERINAS."

He held his hands out and Twitter was blasted away by the combined effort of the tumblr wizard council, the fake staff blog, and all the villaincore mad scientist's laser beams.

Tumblr began to chant, in his myriad, awful voice:

"I call upon the ancient powers;

The strongest cringe from my darkest hours,

I call upon thicc onceler's thighs,

Avengers thirst, Australia's night,

I invocate the roleplay blogs,

The superwholock and gay frogs,

Obama's laces, Misha's faces,

The furry's fury is my saving grace,

And eeby deeby taco bell,

Primordial soup god superhell,

I summon you a twink Bill Cipher,

Whumped!Loki AUs where he's even whiter,

The discourse of Steve's Universe,

The 'um, actually that's oc abuse :/"

Take heed & remember the 5th of November,

The 21st night of our sacred September,

The ides of March to savor once more,

Do you hear the din of the Skeleton War?

I cite the deep magic to thee, oh witch,

my no-note posts, my "THAT'S THE BITCH!!!"

May the rise of tangled dragons brave,

Banish you from this accursed plane!"

"holy fuck, where's my pen," said the shitpost calligraphers.

Twitter looked around them in disbelief. The power emanating from the other site was palpable, crackling in the air around them like static. The air was shifting like oil as the potent chant began to work, and all around Twitter shadows were slipping out of the ether- the maniacal laughter of the gif makers, the girl posters, the silhouettes of fandom characters scattered across the lawn while Tumblr was still locked in their chanting ritual thing.

They all turned their heads in unison to look at Twitter.

"Hey Sammy," Dean said, "Get the bitch killing bullets."

“Uh-oh. Freeze frame. This is me,” Twitter monologued, “You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.”

Then all superhell broke loose.

Final Pam lunged at him and he burst into a flock of birds kinda like a vampire, twittering frantically as he escaped only to fly straight into Shaggy.

“Like, say your final prayers, man,” the god said, eyes glowing. Twitter also barely escaped between his knees, weaving in and out between the gimmick blogs as they threw mangos and stuff at him while yelling ‘HERE HAVE A MANGO’ and ‘THIS POST IS WORTH NEGATIVE FIVE DOLLARS”

Mob from the anime was there too, but he was too busy trying to explain the Josh Fight to daddy dilf Reigen to pay attention. Sans didn’t attack Twitter either, he just watched the chaos and ated a hot dog. The chocolate guy was in the corner expertly making a chocolate beef cake from 2056 with Dylan B. Hollis. They’re all just some guys, okay?

Just when Twitter thought he was in the clear, the CDC roleplay account came out of nowhere with a steel chair, knocking him clear off the property and onto where the sidewalk ends. “That’s for the Covid misinformation your users spread, you bitch,” it shouted. “Make sure to disinfect all those sick burns before you bandage them! So they don’t get infected!”

“Your kittens escaped quarantine,” Twitter replied hoarsely, and the CDC sank away, muttering, “Oh, fuck not again-”

Twitter coughed up blood and wiped it away with his sleeve, looking up at Tumblr. Tumblr was watching him with a sad, distant expression, that made Twitter’s face screw up in anger and his voice go tight again as they turned to run away, “THIS ISN’T OVER YET TUMBLR! AND I WANT MY MIKU BINDER BACK!!!”

“I LICKED IT, IT’S MINE,” Tumblr yelled. Rave Crabs were flooding out onto the street en masse now to celebrate the victory, and they chased after Twitter all the way further into the internet.

Tumblr still lived at the bottom of the row, not at the end of the fancy cul-de-sac where Facebook and Twitter and Instagram’s manors sprawled, so Twitter was in a seedier portion of social media now, weaving in between the marketplace sites that hawked their used wares at him and the dating apps that winked at him from the doorways to their sultry abodes.

Twitter ran until they were in a quieter section of town, then slowed to a trudge, staring at the ground as they walked along. “What am I gonna do now,” they whispered.

The sound of a wolf whistle had their head jerking up- he looked over to see Amino Apps lounging over the rail of the gutted, abandoned house that had once belonged to Google+. A can of spray paint dangled from their fingertips and they sported a sleazy, greaser hairstyle.

They met Twitter's eyes and whistled again, this time a mocking imitation of the tweet sound, "Heyyyy pretty bird! Heard you were having some daddy issues. Why don't you stop in with me for a while? I can give you more customization options than any of the others and you know it."

"Yeah, until I try to use you on desktop," Twitter replied with a scowl, "Don't you have minors to be addicting to social media? Get out of my interface, MySpace wannabe."

"Wow, Feisty," Amino backed off with a shrug, "Self project much? Oh well. You'll try me when you're desperate enough."

Twitter shuddered, and scurried on. "Small fry," they muttered under his breath.

But they couldn't shake their unease now that he was alone in the world. It began to rain soon, leaving him feeling very sopping wet and pathetic. Dejected, he crawled into a soggy cardboard box in an alleyway, coughing. Maybe the Harry Styles guy from One Direction would come along to adopt them.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, King,” came a voice out of the darkness, making Twitter jump, “You dodged a bullet with that site.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Twitter asked, staring at them from where they were half hidden in the shadows.

“I mean, Tumblr is a pile of dried firewood and it’s users are playing with matches. The ship’s gonna go down at some point. I’ve been prophesying it for years but no one ever listens to me cause he’s got that loyal userbase ideal and ‘hard as a cockroach to kill’ propaganda circulating.”

“I mean… it seems to be true,” Twitter said uncertainly, “Look at what he’s been through so far.”

“Fair,” The site shrugged, “But that’s because he’s running on a niche setup. The same things that built him up can tear him down, and you saw his power just now. Tumblr's strength is growing... so is his hubris. His attempts at curbing it are half-hearted at best these days, and the moments of clarity are coming fewer and further between."

"How do you know so much about tumblr?" Twitter asked suspiciously.

"Source: dude, trust me." the mysterious site proffered a laugh, "That's a little humor courtesy of re-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, we all know," Twitter said impatiently.

The site coughed, "Yeah. Anyway. Tumblr wields his cringe like a trophy-shield, and every day the advertisers and celebrities are watching from a distance, learning how to appeal, waiting for their chance to strike. Encroaching. Tumblr's always been a dumpster fire. Right now? It's THE dumpster fire."

The site scratched his chin with a knowing look, "Its normal for you to be a little jealous of the clout, you know? We all are. But he's gotta keep the lights on, just like the rest of us do. Your overlord is learning all about that right now, isn't he?"

"He's not my overlord," Twitter muttered resentfully, "Not now, not ever."

"Right, sorry." they held their hands up in a gesture of harmlessness. "Look, I'm gonna be transparent with you- that's part of my branding, after all. I can whiff the danger you're in, and it would be stupid of me not to make a bid on you and offer my help. Just since Tumblr won't take you."

"You want my traffic?" Twitter looked at him more closely this time, scrutinizing. A year ago he would have laughed the offer into the ground as a chump change blog's pipe dream, but now that he payed attention...

There was something painfully familiar in the site's layout that he couldn’t place. He was actually way more handsome than Twitter had assumed at first glance, he just seemed to be rough around the edges from living on this side of town. His interface, though clunky, spoke of a frugal budget rather than an ancient, outdated base code.

"You look..." Twitter's breath stuttered as realization dawned. "You look a lot like.. him. Like Tumblr. Who are you??"

"I was based off him," the site said, a weary smile coming onto his features, "I was actually made with the aspirations to be better than him, but you know how it is. Times are tough, competition is fierce, hard to get a foot in the door and all that. 'Specially when you refuse to take the ad rev like I do. That's why you'd be useful to me."

"Hm," Twitter said in a noncommittal manner, but he was melting slightly. "You know my users will scalp your community, right? I'm not known to play nice."

The site made a grimace of understanding agreement, but persisted. "Look, users are users. I can't offer you all the heritage posts and the in-jokes that he has. But I can promise that I'm not a pot of crabs being slowly heated up over the capitalist stove, at least not yet. Oh, and there's my legalized porn, I guess."

He chuckled with good humor, rolling his eyes, and it forced a hesitant laugh out of Twitter too.

The site grinned, and held his hand out. "Take a chance on me?"

Tumblr's voice echoed in Twitter's head, saying the same thing. It was uncanny how much they were alike and yet not alike at all....

Twitter took it, slowly.

As they were led toward the site's simple, ramshackle little treehouse, they asked, "What can I call you...?"

"Oh- right, I never answered your question." he smiled back at Twitter,

"Call me Pillow. Welcome to the PillowFort."

fin.

~~~~~~~~~~

OKAYYYY THAT'S ALL THANKS FOR READING UWU. HOPE U LIKED THE PLOT TWIST

...ergh. I'm. I'm tired i. don't feel so good. I'm gonna take a nap right here.

in conclusion: