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lesbianologist · 3 years

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REMNANTS OF LOVE [1/2]

word count: 1496 summary: y/n, a dedicated detective in narcotics and the love of casey novak’s life must leave to go undercover.

warnings: mega angst. i’m sorry. that’s honestly it. (a/n): this was requested by @storiesofsvu, so…

you’d been pacing the halls for hours, having already packed your part of your life away into the tiniest boxes you could manage.

it’d taken hours, a feat you thought near impossible. with your commanding officer’s help you’d been able to pack it all neatly into the storage locker the bureau had secretly purchased for you. she was the only one with the classified information, and she was to utter a word to no one.

sweat and anxiety reduced your palms to a clammy, sticky mess, and it didn’t help that the air conditioner in your shared townhouse was broken, scheduled to be fixed tomorrow. yet here you were; packing up your life to leave unexpectedly, about to detonate it all to go on a major undercover operation.

stress and tension flooded your stomach knowing the look on casey’s beautiful, caring face when she entered your shared home, everything neatly whisked away. all of the pictures taken down, the personalized artwork gone, and more than anything, the quaint “home is where your heart sets anchor” signs removed. the walls utterly and devastatingly blank.

you’d married nearly six years ago in a lavish but intimate wedding surrounded by a few friends and family, your love on clear display for all to see. you’d written your vows together over a romantic candlelit dinner at home, savouring each other’s bodies and basking in the glow of your love for each other. it made for a tender, romantic ceremony, where you swore the world fell away at your feet.

vowing to always choose you first in your small ceremony, that promise rang consistent, secure, and steady over your blissful six years of marriage. despite it all, you’d made it through the long nights as a detective in narcotics, the brief stints undercover, the frustration that arose with her adversarial relationship with elizabeth donnelly. she’d been a constant in your life, always a safe haven to come home to.

casey novak was your shelter from the storm.

she was the first and last woman you would ever love in your entire life, and you had to break her heart to keep her safe. your commanding officer had made it clear that no one was to know anything, other than those provided clearance, and you’d have to cut contact with everyone. you’d be able to return in a year or two, provided you’d busted the entire network of affiliates. any loose ends could result in your death if they’d managed to tease out your identity.

this was especially pertinent to your marriage to casey. if you’d disappeared, faked your death, she likely wouldn’t believe it. you’d suspected she would take matters into her own hands, searching the ends of the earth for you. that was the kind of love you had.

it was easy to cut off family. those you had invited to the wedding were distant relatives, as most of yours were disapproving of supposed “lifestyle”. your father, an abusive and homophobic man had left years ago, and your mother, a kind and warm woman, had passed from cancer the year before your wedding, casey pulling you through the emotional turmoil as you sat by her bed holding her hand and watched the life drain from her eyes.

you were there for each other through everything. the good and the bad. you'd weathered the storms together.

as you grappled with reconsidering what you were about to do, the sound of a key slotting into the lock of your front door echoed through the room, and casey stepped into the room.

“hi sweetheart! i picked up some-”

her voice halted, noticing the empty corridors, the vacant walls, the kitchen void of your presence. it was as if her home was a stranger’s, suddenly.

“what’s going on? where is everything?”

“i can’t do this anymore, case. i can’t keep pretending i’m in love with you anymore.”

“w-what?”

silence broke the tension, spilling into the ocean of agony that seemed to emanate from both of your bodies.

“you’re- you’re joking, right?”

her brows furrowed, glancing between you and the room, and you watched confusion shift into heartache.

when she realized you weren’t kidding, she glanced wildly around the room, wringing her hands before looking back to you, a pleading look blooming on her face.

“how?” she choked out, her cheeks heating a slight red, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. she tucked some of her locks angrily behind her ear, trying to keep herself calm. it was a habit she'd developed over the years, one that you instantly wanted to calm by reaching out and touching her. holding her.

but you couldn't.

“i can’t get into this now. my cab is coming.”

“you can’t even give me the time of day to tell me how you just so suddenly stopped loving me? does our six years of marriage and two years of dating mean absolutely nothing to you?”

having dropped her bags, she was shouting now, her hands trembling at her sides. anger and heartache swirling together, a delirious combination of pain and love pleading you to stay hidden in her words.

“eight fucking years! eight! what happened to you how much you cared about me? i chose you, you chose me! we vowed to always put the other first, to always care about each other, to-”

you beat her to the punch, mustering everything in your body to drive the dagger in enough that she wouldn’t come looking for you, seeking out your existence while you’d be gone. you knew you were risking losing her forever, but at this point, the list of affiliates were aware of you on some level, and the fact that you were looking into them.

“you know what? i was wrong. you never really meant anything to me. you’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something i want to take the time to handle. simple as that.”

she turned her back to you, facing the door, and it nearly broke you as you watched her fight back tears, her body heaving with anguish as she fought to keep herself from reaching out for you. as much as she was your shelter, you were hers, too. no one’s arms could comfort hers like yours could, and now you were proclaiming you couldn’t, and didn’t love her anymore.

she turned back to you again, tears streaming down her face, shaking as she tried to speak.

“i k-know you don’t mean that, so please don’t say things like t-that,” she could barely choke out, the tears turning to breathlessness and near hyperventilation.

“i don’t know what i’m supposed to say.”

it was callous, cold, heartless, and you knew it the moment the words left your lips. she shuddered, choking back a sob, and she wrapped her arms around herself tightly as if to find solace in herself.

“i- i know i’ve never been anyone’s first choice, but i really thought i was yours.”

the remnants of love between you two seemed to settle, the vows still apparently affecting you both. you’d both never been the type to believe in soulmates, but you knew that was wrong after so much time together.

you’d known when casey had smiled at you the night that she leaned in and kissed you, drunk on scotch and happiness, sitting by the bonfire for you and a few mutual friends. you’d known even more when she talked lovingly about building a life with you, having a family through reciprocal IVF, and you’d dreamt of watching her carry your child.

but you were indefinitely sure she was your soulmate when she’d turned the corner adorned in her brilliant, shimmering lace and satin gown at your wedding. her ringlets had been neatly tucked into a mass of curls at the back of her neck underneath her veil, and you’d known in that moment you would absolutely die for her. you just fit together, missing puzzle pieces, a lock and key.

it wasn’t a doubt in your mind that you were meant to be together for the rest of your lives.

the pain radiated in your throat, clenching it tightly, tears nearly bursting at the seams of your resolve you’d fought so hard to build up. the silence shattered, torment building again as casey moved towards you and stopped when you stepped backwards.

“could you please at least tell me where i can find you? or, i don’t know- what you’ll be doing without… me?”

“no.”

“why?” she sobbed.

“because i don’t want you anymore, casey.”

“please, don’t do this.”

you couldn’t handle the sight of the redhead collapsing to the ground, buckling under the misery as she wept, the sorrow tearing through her. she could barely breathe, incoherently pleading with you not to leave her.

grabbing your keys, you dashed out the door, letting the tears stream down your face as you slipped into the car and drove away, a horrible new life suddenly overtaking your old one.

• • •

y'all...................................

you’re welcome i guess? (jk, i’m sorry). i couldn’t make this any longer without completely losing it, tbh. so i guess just be happy i didn’t fully flesh this out.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TAGGED: @storiesofsvu @1000spices @swimmingstudentchaos891 @nocreditinthestraightworld @vincent-millays @katesgaypain @wandas-wife @screenee @wandasbrat @anzellla @wall1418 @disneyfan624 @oliviaswifey @cmmndrwidw @jesterofrohan @lawandorderuswnt @hbkpop @samwithnoplan @kj-1130 @svushots @paulson-hargitay @samwithnoplan @dun-duns @alexlivdoncas @hoe4almondmilk

if you wanna be added to any casey stuff, lmk!!!!

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willreadforbooze · 4 years

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GROUP POST TIME!!! We each sent 3-4 of our fave reads of 2019… here they are!

Sam’s Faves

Kingsbane by Clare Legrand: Oh holy mother of— this book was insane. I am still upset about it. My review here.

The Burning White by Brent Weeks: This is the ending to the Lightbringer series and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. My review here.

Bloodwitch by Susan Dennard: This is another one that left me speechless. The angst was incredible and I loved it. My review here.

Ginny’s Faves

In an Absent Dream by Seanan McGuire: This is my favorite series of Seanan McGuire’s work, which is saying something, and this book was absolutely stunning. My review here.

Becoming by Michelle Obama: Look, I just love Michelle Obama, this felt like a very open, very honest look at her life leading up to the White House, and the time therein.

A Prince on Paper by Alyssa Cole: Alyssa Cole is one of the best things I discovered last year, and this book, the third in the series, was absolutely fantastic!

Melinda’s Faves

City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert: Read this on audio and LOVED it—the audio format especially works for this pseudo memoir of a woman looking back on her life. My review scheduled in Jan.

Kingsbane (Empirium #2) by Claire Legrand: Ugh this follow up to Furyborn killed me, but in the tear-out-my-heart-what-a-twist-must-keep-reading kinda way.

Stepsister by Jennifer Donnelly: This post-Cinderella story retelling from the perspective of one of the ugly stepsisters really turned the fairytale on its head. My review here.

Linz’s Faves

I’ve become a walking, screaming advertisement for diversity books in 2019

Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay: Contemporary coming-of-age novel about a Filipino-American teen whose tries to uncover what really happened to his dead cousin. My review here.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo: Also contemporary coming-of-age novel about a Dominican teen struggling to balance her prospects for the future with her issues in the present–supporting her toddler, graduating high school, and trying to hold down a job. My review here.

War Girls by Tochi Onyebuchi: From Goodreads: “Two sisters are torn apart by war and must fight their way back to each other in a futuristic, Black Panther-inspired Nigeria.” From me: Welcome to the future. This should be taught in schools as the next A Tale of Two Cities. My review here.

Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted by That Arsty Reader Girl. Check out their blog for topics and such.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top Books of 2019 GROUP POST TIME!!! We each sent 3-4 of our fave reads of 2019... here they are!

#Top Ten Tuesday

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cissyenthusiast010155 · 3 months

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She’s Been to Hell And Back ~S13!Alex Cabot xFem Wife!Reader(feat. Casey, Rita, Liz, Liv & Amanda)

Summary— Alex is kidnapped and tortured. That’s pretty much it. It’s a very long and indulgent fic of Alex x Reader.

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: [MATURE], explicit torture, violence, kidnapping, humiliation, implied torture, angst, anxiety attacks, knife, guns, torture devices, branding, cigarette burns, burning, begging, crying, and so much more mature content, Rita being an aunt and a boss bitch, Liz losing her shit, Munch being munch, Amaro being an asshat, Casey barely keeping it together, read at your own risk!!

Enjoy (;

You stepped into the SVU squad room, looking around at the major bustling and chaos of the room. You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt anxiously, biting your lips and nails as well. You were frozen. You couldn’t process it all. Your eyes then landed on a person who you knew could help.

Casey.

Casey had been the one to call you. She hadn’t told you much, only that you need to come to svu immediately. You had dropped work for this. Left straightaway. It all made you extremely anxious. Why would they need you…? Unless…

You shook the terrible thoughts coming up out of your mind, instead springing into action. You walked up to Casey in the middle of the chaos.

“Hey Case!” You called to the redhead who was swiftly fluttering through pages.

Casey jumped at her name and her eyes shot up to you. Suddenly her gaze softened and she looked at you with concern.

“Y/N’s here!!” Casey shot across the room, and everyone practically stopped in their tracks and looked at you.

You gulped and looked around anxiously, pulling your bag closer to you defensively.

“Case… what’s going on…?” You stammered.

Casey couldn’t meet your gaze. Olivia suddenly came out of the Captain’s office and walked through the squad room, followed by Cragen peeking out of his office, telling everyone to get back to work. The shuffling and bustling immediately picked back up again. The noise wasn’t helping you one bit.

You suddenly felt a hand on your back shoulder, and you jumped slightly. You turned around, relaxing a bit to see it was only Olivia with a warm and caring smile.

“Y/N, let’s go into Cragen’s office, yeah…?” The brunette gently suggested.

After you slowly nodded with parted lips of confusion, Olivia led you by her hand on your back to the Captain’s office. She opened the door for you and closed it behind the two of you. Both SVU members looked tense and concerned.

“What exactly… is going on…?” You tensed out through partially gritted teeth, frustration now hitting you in waves.

Olivia guided you to sit down with her, before she but her lip and explained,

“Y/N… Alex didn’t show up for court a couple of hours ago… We… don’t know where she is. She’s not answering her phone, we can’t track it, it’s dead.”

Your heart sunk. And there was now a limp in your throat. Your heart only raced faster and you suddenly felt dizzy.

Olivia could tell that this was a lot to take in, so she gently held you on both sides of your arms.

“That’s not all…” Cragen sighed.

You looked up at the Captain with glossy eyes and a trembling lip.

“W-what…?” You stammered, bringing your arms into your chest and holding yourself.

“We think Alex was… taken.” He explained slowly.

“W-why would you think that…??” You exclaimed, the anger in you now swelling.

Cragen and Olive exchanged looks. Cragen nodded and relented into the brunettes insistence.

“Come on, let me show you something.” Olivia softly spoke.

She led you outside to the squad room and the media corner. Next to all the screens there was a board. A board of at least 100 photographs. And they were all of Alex. Alex and all the people she interacted with. You were on there, and so was Olivia, and Casey, and Rita, and Liz, and Amanda, and so on.

The pictures were practically Alex’s entire life since she’d been with you. This was years of photos. Some of them looked like they could have been snapped by a news reporter outside the courts. But others, much more intimate pictures of the two of you, could have only been captured by active camera surveillance.

You gasped, bringing your hand to your mouth, as you let out a choked sob that you couldn’t contain anymore. Your stomache sunk. You proceeded to collapse on the floor, and were lucky that Amanda was right by you. The Southern blonde was quick to scoop you up and guide you to take a seat in her desk chair.

She then tried to talk to you, but your mind was spiraling. Suddenly a big boom of stacks of paperwork falling across the squad room brought you back to reality with a jolt.

“Y/N? Y/N, there you are, ‘hun. Hey. Heyyy. It’s going to be okay, alright…?” Amanda reassured you.

“But h-how… do you know that…?” You choked out, the tears continuing to pour out.

At that, Amari and Fin walked into the squad room.

“It’s out lucky day! Perp’s blood was at the scene, that girl put up a fight…!” Amara exclaimed, not having realized that you were there.

You immediately stood up and turned to face Amaro. Nick’s eyes went wide and his face struggled to give away the fact that he knew he had fucked up.

“What scene? What…?? What happened??” You exclaimed with a gasp, frustration and anger running through your veins once more.

Amanda pulled you towards her and into her embrace. Her touch calmed you a little, but right now, you really needed it to be Alex’s touch. After a minute, her hug actually and surprisingly helped.

“Thanks…” you muttered.

Amanda shrugged and smiled lightly, as if it was nothing.

“Learned that in Atlanta, had a partner who had anxiety attacks.” The blonde told you, “It’s a grounding thing.”

You listened and nodded along. But your mind quickly started to wander back to Alex again.

“Wait what scene? Do you know where she was taken…??” You asked.

Amanda sighed and stood up, telling you to wait here. She checked in with Cragen in his office, before coming back to you and grabbing her keys.

“Come on, let’s go for a ride.” Amanda told you, indicating for you to follow her.

You gulped and nodded, silently following the Southern blonde with your wobbly legs. You two got into her patrol car, and she began driving. The ride was silent. You had now become numb, your feelings too much to bear. You didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of what could go wrong… So you stayed in the ignorance of feeling numb.

After about 15-20 minutes, Amanda pulled up to you and Alex’s shared brownstone. You gulped as your eyes widened as it began to click for you.

“This is…” you stammered, trying to find the words.

“Come on, Darling. I’ll explain inside.” Amanda gently reassured you, squeezing your left hand caringly, before getting out of the car.

You followed the blonde detective up the steps of your brownstone and inside. No one was here anymore. But it was a mess, all taped up with crime scene tape and marked with evidence markers and such. It made your stomache flip upside down when you saw blood on the kitchen doorway.

“What Amaro said, that asshole… was that Alex didn’t go down without a fight…” Amanda explained, taking your hand in reassurance as you walked through the torn apart apartment.

“Alex managed to make her kidnapper bleed.” Amanda breathed out.

At that you looked at the woman with wide eyes.

“So you can find out who they are?” You immediately asked.

Amanda bit her inner cheek and looked way slightly.

“Yeaaa ideally yes… but we already ran it, and he’s not in the system…” she explained.

Any and all hope that you had just gained was lost all over again. Amanda squeezed your hand again in reassurance.

“So what’s next…? What can I do?” You asked, desperate to do anything, to get her back, to see her again.

“First, we are going to walk through your place and go through the events, at least what we know. See if any of it jogs your memory of like someone who would want to harm Alex…” Amanda breathed out.

You shuttered and nodded slowly.

“Then when Olivia and Cragen give the go ahead, I’ll take you back to svu and Olivia will properly interview you…”

You gulped, yet nodded again.

“Ok, let’s do it…” you breathed out.

Amanda nodded and guided you by your hand, walking you through the scene. All your feelings came crashing back as the blonde detective walked you through the theory SVU had of what happened.

Alex hadn’t even left for the office yet, having not needed to go in as early that day… You and already left for work, when someone had come to the door. Alex must have known the person, because she let them in (or they had a gun). The main struggle was in the kitchen. SVU assumed that Alex had most likely tried to reason with whomever the perp was, but it went south in the kitchen. Alex’s blood was on the counter, in a circular mark that upheld that the assailant had violently cracked Alex’s head down upon the counter. There were also blood splatters of Alex’s going from the kitchen and out the door, by the amount and pattern of the blood, it was assumed that the assailant had shot Alex somewhere in the leg, but hadn’t hit a major artery or vein. Luckily, on the kitchen doorway, there was Alex’s bloody partial print, but there blood wasn’t hers. The theory was that before the shooter had incapacitated her, she got a swing or two in, and then when he dragged her out, she made one last attempt to grasp the doorway, leaving the perps blood.

Your heart was pounding in your ears three times as fast as earlier. Tears were pouring down your face and you hadn’t even realized it. Amanda squeezed your hand tighter, as she asked you if it sounded like someone you knew or if it triggered any memories.

“N-no… Mm sorry…” you gasped out in between sobs.

The Southern blonde now came in front of you and took both of your hands.

“Don’t be, you did so good, Y/N.” Amanda comforted you, before receiving a ding on her phone and checking her notifications.

It was Olivia telling Amanda to bring you back. You spent the car ride opposite of the last, filled with all the emotions. You were distraught, and sad, and afraid, and angry, and infuriated, and so much more. Your head was swimming, no drowning it it all. You just wanted a break. You wanted Alex safe in your arms.

Amanda led you back into the squad room, passing you off to Olivia with a reassuring smile. Olivia took you into the family interview room, one that was less jarring than the brick and mortar perp interview/confession rooms. She had you sit on the couch next to her.

“Y/N, Amanda told me that you couldn’t think of anything at the crime scene…”

“Don’t… call it that…” you sputtered, having cried yourself out in the car and now hicupping instead.

Olivia sighed, “Of course, I’m sorry— At your and Alex’s home…”

You had your hands clasped in your lap and you were rocking back and forth anxiously. The brunette detective reached for your hands with her hands and tried to physically comfort you, but you jerked in response, starting to hyperventilate. The brunette detective was quick to retract and stick with her interview questions.

“Besides what you didn’t think of at the crim— your and Alex’s place— Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt you…?” Olivia prodded gently.

You shook your head and then hiccuped. Alex had her hair share of criminals who didn’t like her, but nothing she ever found concerning enough to share with you.

“Alright, what about anyone following you recently…? Notice any reoccurring faces…?” She asked.

You thought about it, going through your last months, if not years in your mind.

“I… don’t think so, no…” you stammered, with two more hiccups.

“Alright… Can I get you some water?”

“Yes please…” you whispered, not being able to handle the eye contact, so you simply shut your eyes.

Olivia muttered something with a hum, letting go of your hands, and leaving the room with the door ajar. You just sat there, with your eyes closed and shaking in your boots. You could hear the noisy clamor of the squad room from the ajar door. It was still just as chaotic, if not more. Tensions were high, and fuses were short.

Before Olivia could come back with your water, a familiar voice boomed while entering the squad room.

“Who the hell didn’t inform me about Alex going missing, and why the fuck did I need to find out like this?!”

You immediately stood up with a jolt, scrambling into the squad room to see Rita standing furiously in the middle of the room, while holding up a manila envelope with her name on it. Calhoun’s determined scowl faltered as she noticed you in the corner. She immediately lowered her mask of defense lawyer and rushed over to you.

Her hands were all of over you, checking to see if you were okay. They landed on each side of your face, as her concerned gaze looked at you.

“Hey Baby… How are you holding up…?” She asked, her eyes still scanning you up and down, before landing on your gaze when she expected an answer.

But all she got was a choked sob from you, your tears now back in full swing. The older woman immediately pulled you in for a hug, which you happily accepted. She hugged you tight and with fierce love, you could feel every fiber of her being that cared through the embrace. When Rita let you go, you wheezed and little and whipped your tears away.

Olivia had by now gotten your water and caught wind of the commotion, now coming up to you and Rita. Rita sent daggers to the brunette detective, making Olivia stop a couple feet away from you.

“What’s in the envelope…?” Olivia quipped, before extending her hand with your water in it.

Rita took the water, examined it, then gave it to you, instructing you to drink, before she considered answering Olivia. When she did, her eyes went sad. The main SVU members had surrounded the two of you, all curious as to what Rita had brought. She opened the envelope and pulled out a hard drive.

“Aha! My area of expertise…!” Munch exclaimed, taking the hard drive from Rita and going over to the media corner to open whatever files were contained within the stick.

You went to follow the rest do the team to see what was on the file, but Rita grabbed you by your arm before you could get too far. You turned back to Rita and looked at the woman who had been your mentor, aunt, mom, practically everything with confusion and glossy eyes.

“ ‘Hun, you may not want to see that…” Rita sighed with deep sadness in her eyes.

She had already seen it.

Your eyes hardened and you frowned. You quickly pulled your hand out of Rita’s grasp.

“Like hell I won’t…” you exclaimed, then turning around and walking up behind the team who were all gathered around Munch who was about to click play on a video file.

Rita came up behind you, her eyes staying on you the entire time as the video played. She watched your face whiten, watched your face wash over in horror, then a wave of anger. She watched your shock, then followed by uncontrollable sadness and tears.

Alex was in the centre of the screen, tied up and hanging by her wrists around a rusty metal bar running along the wall. Her head was hanging low. Her hair frazzled and tired. Her clothing was dirty, torn, and bloody. There was a light sway of her body as it hung from the beam. Her shoes had been discarded. The bottom half of her her stomache was on display, as her shirt was being strained from the position. Her left lower leg was bleeding, presumably from the gunshot from the struggle at the brownstone. Her forehead was all bloody from the blow to the counter.

Suddenly, a person stepped into the frame. They were wearing all black and had their face and voice masked. He had some kind of black colored weapon, almost baton looking in his hand. He laughed wickedly into the camera, before turning his attention to Alex.

“As I can’t torture all of you, unfortunately… One will have to do…” The man tilted his head as he turned on the stick and plunged it against Alex’s exposed side stomache with a cackle.

Alex’s body convulsed and jolted uncontrollably as she was she was hit with volts and volts of burning electricity. She let out a desperate groan, which turned into a silent scream as tears poured down her face, as she fought against her restraints and against the volts. After a couple solid seconds of this, the man finally retracted the insane taser torture. As he moved the torture device back, Alex’s freshly burned skin could be seen, a fresh branded circle on the side of her stomache. The man proceeded to repeat this process for multiple rounds. And the whole time, Alex fought and screamed and convulsed, as tears ran down her face and shirt. Finally, after five burning rounds, Alex passed out. And the man stopped, looking to the camera with a grin.

“No point if the bitch isn’t awake…” He chuckled wickedly, “And that was only Act 1… Dedicated to Detective Olivia Benson…”

Rage was quick to take over your enter being, all the sadness quickly forgotten. You nearly assaulted Olivia right then and there. But Rita saw this coming, and she was quick to hold you back as you attempted to pounce on the brunette detective across from you.

You scowled and fought back, the team all taking a step back from you, all of them just as shocked as you were. But Rita held you firm.

“Shhhh, Baby, it’s okay… Calm down…” Rita cooed into the shell of your ear, “It’s going to be okay, it’s not Olivia’s fault…”

After a couple seconds, Rita managed to get you to promise to not punch the older brunette detective in the face. So she let you go. You huffed and didn’t know what to do. You were hit with another wave of sudden sadness.

As you were having your life crisis, the team began speculating and conversating about what they could learn from the video and how they could find Alex. You weren’t able to focus on them or anything anymore, everything started to just fade away into black.

When you woke up, you were in Rita’s lap, back in the family interview room. For a split second, you felt at peace’s and then reality smacked you back in the face. Rita was beginning to tell you that you had passed out when you began to freak out.

“Hey, Hey. It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re safe, it’s okay.” Rita comforted you, as you sat up startled and distraught.

“N-no it’s n-not… Alex my Lex she’s… she’s…” you choked out, hyperventilating.

Rita was quick to take you into her arms on the couch and comfort you. She ran her fingers through your hair, she rubbed your arms and hands and side, calming you as best as you could.

“Hey. We are going to find this sycko who did this… ok? The team is on it…” Rita insisted and ensured you, “Take some deep breaths for me, Baby…”

You nodded shakily, your entire body shaking in Rita’s arms, as you took some deep breaths. You began to doze off in the woman’s arms, Rita was quick to encourage you to not fight it. And so you dozed off…

You awoke startled once more by a shriek echoing through the squad room and into where you and Rita were. You practically fell off the couch and scrambled out to the squad. Rita was swift behind you. Your eyes fell on Casey, who now had a Manila envelope in her hand with her name on it.

“Where did you get that??” Olivia questioned the redhead.

“I… a junior officer dropped it off… I don’t know, sorry” Casey stammered, handing it off to Olivia who opened it.

“Fin, Amanda, go find that junior officer, maybe he can give us a lead on this guy.” Cragen told his team.

Fin and Amanda nodded and left the room at once. Olivia had found another hard drive, having passed it to Munch to analyze. Rita’s eyes widened as Munch went to press play, and she tried to pull you away once more, but you only pulled away from her and to the screen with more ferocity. With a click from Munch, the video began…

Alex was still in the same position. She was awake again. But barely. Drool was coming from the sides of her mouth as her head lolled down. Her breathing was heavy and labored, affecting her entire body as it hung from the rope attached to her wrists and around the beam.

The man then came back into the camera screen. He held a knife in his hand this time. After taunting the camera, he stalked up to Alex, his free hand roughly grabbing and wrenching her blouse open. The buttons clattered to the floor as the perp moved the torn blouse aside, showing off Alex’s black bra and exposed chest and stomache.

Alex seemed to barely register anything until the knife began slicing her chest. She let out a howl at the pain, deep enough to hurt, but not deep enough to kill. He continued these slices, along her stomache, along her clothed arms as well, and all the way up to her shoulders and neck. He seemed to only be egged on by Alex’s groans and cries, which very quickly turned into begging and pleading for him to stop. Once the man reached her neck, he held the knife firmly along her throat, before speaking. The dozens of cuts all bleed into one another, practically covering Alex’s entire upper body in blood.

“Act 2 is not as bad, because you just sucked at your job…” The man sneered, “But trust me, the next one… I’d be surprised if the bitch doesn’t die… Dedicated to Rita Calhoun.”

Your knees buckled and you collapsed on the floor as Alex let out a particular blood curteling scream in the video. Tears streamed down your face as you couldn’t bring yourself to watch the rest of the video, the audio already taunting you enough. You felt your body go limp and you began to slouch and fall from your knees to the ground completely.

“Turn it off! Off!!” Rita yelled enraged, before dropping to the ground with you and comforting you.

Munch turned the video off, but not before the man was able to dedicate the video to Rita. Rita’s eyes widened and her throat went dry. The whole team stared at the two of you. Rita was dumbfounded at what this had to do with her, but she was quick to spring into action over it.

“Novak. Take Y/N to the diner down the street. She probably hasn’t eaten all day.” Rita commanded the room.

Casey’s eyes widened, and she immediately nodded in understanding.

“Of course, Rita.” Casey said, hurriedly coming over to the two of you.

You tried to protest as Rita handed you over to Casey, but Rita was stern and quickly silenced you, not that you could say anything right now with how overwhelmed you were. Casey was quick to file you out of the room.

You didn’t even remember leaving SVU or getting to the diner, all you remember is suddenly sitting with Casey looking at the late lunch menu. You were shaking and fidgeting like crazy.

Casey reached her hand across the table and squeezed your balled up fist reassuringly. You looked up to the redhead with your stained and now completely dried out eyes, having cried it all out for the second time today.

“Hey. Let’s get you some food, huh…?” Casey hummed.

You nodded slowly. The waitress came, but you couldn’t hear a thing. Casey looked at you with care and understanding, ordering for the both of you. Then once the waitress had left, her attention was on you once more.

“C-Casey…?” You whispered.

Casey leaned in and softly spoke,

“Yes…?”

“How… how are you okay…?” You whispered, a single tear rolling down your cheek as you blinked, “She’s… she’s like your best friend and you hers…”

Casey sighed and squeezed your hand again.

“Y/N, look at me.” Casey hummed, her tone breaking in a falter.

You finally looked at Casey again, and took in her appearance. You suddenly noticed the tear stains on her face and how crazy her long, normally well curled hair was.

“I am not okay. I just… suck at showing my emotions…” Casey explained gently, her own eyes beginning to gloss over as she became more vulnerable.

Your lips pressed together and you smiled lightly, nodding in understanding. You gasped slightly as you felt your phone vibrate once in your pocket. You then felt another vibration. Then one last final third vibrating. You pulled your hands into your lap, away from Casey. The redhead looked at you concerningly.

“Everything okay…?” Casey asked.

“Mm yea… just… need the restroom…” you muttered, before getting out of the diner booth and going to the back where the bathroom was.

Casey nodded, watching you leave, before getting on her phone and updating the team, as well as getting updated by what they had figured out. She let the team know that you were doing okay and that she was about to feed you. She sighed and let out a light groan, trying to process the weight of what was happening, while reading the update from the group chat.

Munch had analyzed the background of the video, having figured out that Alex was being kept in some warehouse. Which one, they had no clue.

Fin and Amanda had gotten no leads from the junior officer, apparently the envelope had been given to him by a homeless looking guy who disappeared as soon as he dropped off the package at the precinct.

Rita, Olivia, and Nick had been spending their time looking over old case files and anything that connected Olivia and Rita along with possibly Alex, in hope to find a perp or bad guy who got away somehow and wanted revenge.

When Casey was done being caught up, the food had come. But you were still in the bathroom… The redhead grew suspicious, getting up from the table and walking to the back of the diner to the bathroom. She knocked on the door, but received no answer. Quickly, she tried your cell. Straight to voicemail.

As you stepped into the bathroom, you couldn’t shake the terrible feeling about the texts, so you locked the door and immediately opened your phone. The texts were all from one unknown number.

Y/N L/N.

Then a video link.

Act 3. Elizabeth Donnelly

You didn’t even click or see the video. Not yet. You saw Liz’s name and couldn’t think of anything else. Liz would know what to do. She always knew what to do.

You carefully escaped from Casey’s gaze and hold out of the back of the diner, rushing to catch a cab to the DA’s office where Liz would most likely be. The ride wasn’t too long, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to press play on that video. Liz would know what to do. She always did.

Once your reached Liz’s office, you didn’t even knock, simply barging in. Liz was talking with a few DA’s, and she was about to dig into whoever interrupted them, but then she saw your state.

“Leave. All of you, now!” Liz ordered, shooing the attorneys away.

You quickly shut and locked the door behind you. Liz looked you up and down.

“Y/N, what is going on…?” The older woman spoke firmly.

You were hyperventilating again. You could sit, you were pacing. But you had to tell her something. And you tried, but you couldn’t bring yourself to explain. Liz stood up, recognizing the signs of an anxiety attack, and coming over to you in concern. She guided you to sit with her on her office couch, asking you again, more softly this time,

“Honey, what’s the matter…?”

You let out a choked sob, bringing out your phone and clicking the video. That was the only thing you could think of. Liz watched your every movement. You pressed play.

Alex was hanging as in the last video, but her blouse was completely gone. Her breathing was shallow and barely there, but she was still alive.

The man showed back up, coming up to the camera to say hello, before quickly turning his attention to Alex once more with the same knife as before in his hands. He grabbed Alex’s chin and pulled her face to meet his gaze. Alex tried to growl and fight back, but the exhaustion on her face was evident. He had probably drugged her up real good so that she didn’t stand a chance… While the man held her face rough with one hand, his other with the knife sliced her bra into pieces. He then let her face go with a smack! before tearing the bra off her body. The vulnerable whimper that Alex let out was distinct. And it only fed into the man’s fantasies. He then bent down to her bottom half and ran the knife down her side, followed by his hands ripping her skirt open. He wrenched that off her as well, throwing it aside. Alex was now left only in her panties. She closed her eyes and went limp, as the man trailed the knife in between her legs and up against her clothed core. He then moved to her thigh and ripped her underwear off with a snap! until she was fully nude, hanging for everyone to see. Another hopeless whimper left Alex as the man suddenly smacked her ass.

Before the video could finish, Liz slammed the phone down onto the ground, effectively pausing it. Your eyes went wide and you looked at the older woman with an open mouth. She looked horrified. But Rage was quick to replace the shock.

“What?! Liz wait—!!” You exclaimed as the blonde stood up and shook her white knuckle fists.

Liz turned back to you, looking you directly in the eyes.

“What in the actual fuck is going on, Y/N?!Why in the hell are you making me watch my daughter be tortured by some psycho???” Liz shrilled.

“Lower your voice!!” You harshly whispered, swiftly standing up and getting in her face, and effectively shutting Liz up for a second with how stern you and suddenly become.

“Then you better goddamn tell me what is going on…” Liz growled.

“OK—” you exclaimed, placing your hand on your forehead and sighing.

You say down again as the overwhelming sadness hit you once more.

“Lex… was taken… didn’t show up in court…” you stammered, “Guy’s been sending… videos…” you choked up.

Liz then picked up the phone from the floor, sitting back down next to you in silence for a moment.

“How many?”

You were jolted out of your grief by her words.

“W-what…?” You stammered.

“How many videos… did he send…?” Liz spoke, trying to sound in control but her own tone faltering and cracking a little.

“This is the third. He usually talks about it in the video…” you said quietly.

This made Liz look at you and then back to the phone. She turned it on and clicked play again. You both sat in anticipation as the video continued.

Alex’s bloody, bruised, and now completely exposed body came back on screen, right where it had left off. Alex flinched as the man smacked her ass a second time.

“Shut up Bitch!! Take it, We all know you want it!!!” The man jeered, before smacking her ass a third time and then grabbing and fondling her tits.

Alex tried to pull away from his touch, she tried to yell or cry or shout, but she found that her body was not taking orders from her mind anymore. Her body had gone limp. But she could feel everything. She could see everything in her line of sight. She could hear everything.

When she went completely silent, unable to protest anymore, the man cackled again, louder and more taunting than ever. He then proceeded to come up to the camera.

“Now, I’m not gonna show you this next bit… I’m going to save that for when you find her dead body… But Act 3 is dedicated to that bitch judge, Elizabeth Donnelly…” the man jeered.

The video then went static for a second. Then the camera came back on and showed an unconscious Alex Cabot, swaying lightly back and forth. Where her body wasn’t sliced and cut, it was bruised. Where her body wasn’t bloody, it was covered in dirt, like it had been thrown at her. The faint and small outlines of cigarette burns were trailed across both of her arms and thighs. Her mouth was filled with an oozing her own blood, as if 100 fists had hit her. And her right tit was branded with a symbol, difficult to make out. All of this and so much worse would be discovered had been done to her…

The video ended and silence took the room. Suddenly you heard crying. You looked over and Liz was hunched over and crying in her lap. You weren’t sure what to do, haven’t ever seen the powerful, older woman so vulnerable before. You just instinctively wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t… didn’t know what to do… I thought if I came to you…” you rambled, now feeling guilty for having brought this to Liz.

“Hush… none of that… ssnot your fault.” Liz breathed out in sniffles, accepting your embrace and pressing into you even more, “I know she’s not… my real daughter but if anything happens to her… I… I don’t know what I’d do…”

You two sobbed in each other’s arms for a while. It was only when someone came banging on Liz’s office door with no sudden warning that the two of you jumped apart and off the couch. You went to unlock the door and storming in came a furious Rita.

Rita wouldn’t even hear it from you. She took your phone immediately. All the way back to the squad room, the car was silent between the three of you.

Casey had figured out that you had run away, and she had immediately called SVU. They had divided and conquered all the places they thought you’d go. And the second Liz wasn’t answering her own phone, Casey knew that was where you had gone.

Back in the squad room, Munch began analyzing your phone. You sat in one of the detectives chairs, fidgeting and bouncing your leg, under Rita’s intense gaze. She had made you tell the team everything that had happened. She was not going to let you slip away again. Over her dead body.

Liz immediately threw a fit and started ordering people around. After looking at the files that Olivia and Amara had compiled, it took her five minutes to put it together. Liz found a perp who had escaped jail, whom Olivia had interrogated, Rita had represented and lost, She had judged, and Alex had prosecuted and won.

The second the team had their perp, they began canvassing possible areas. The man leased a piece of warehouse property near the river as it was discovered, so that’s where everyone rushed to go to.

Everyone was on edge.

“I’m gonna go!” You exclaimed to Rita.

“No you are not!!” She shrieked back.

“Why not?!! She’s the love of my life!!!” You yelled, tears running down your face as you screamed.

“Because she might be dead, Y/N!!!!”

Practically the entire squad room went silent at this. They all stared at you and Rita. But quickly, they all began their work again, and the team ran out to the location to find Alex. Both Rita and Liz held you back as you fought to get outside and in a squad car. But they held the upper hand. You collapsed in both of their arms, desperate and exhausted, completely out of energy.

The team did indeed find Alex, although she was barely breathing. They immediately sent her to Mercy’s, where Rita and Liz already had you there waiting. You sat in the waiting room, in between the two woman, shaking and fidgeting restlessly.

Hours went by with no update. Eventually, it was all too much for you. You leaned against Rita’s shoulder for some comfort and before you could stop yourself, you were falling asleep.

“Y/N, love, wake up…” Liz gently woke you, making you snort lightly as you came back to reality.

She was offering you a hand, which you eagerly took to stand up. The nurse came up to you.

“You may see her now. One at a time please.” The nurse told the group of you.

Everyone looked at you and pretty much all agreed in unison and with mere looks that you would be the person going in to see her first.

You entered the hospital room, and immediately came up to Alex’s bedside. You felt relief wash over you that she was here with you and that she was okay. You held one of her hands as she came to.

“Mmm heyyyy…” Alex said in an extremely scratchy and hoarse voice, her head turning slowly towards you.

Tears of joy began to spill out and down your cheeks. You squeezed your wife’s hand lovingly.

“Hi Lex…” you whispered, “How are you feeling…?”

“Like someone pumped an entire pharmacy through me…” Alex groaned lightly, “mm pretty sure I was drugged… most of the time I couldn’t move or speak…” her tone got sad and overwhelmed, as tears started to form on her sapphire eyes.

“Hey hey, it’s okay.” You comforted Alex, who met your gaze again, smiling at the sight of you, “You’re safe with me now, that’s all that matters…”

Alex lightly squeezed your hand now as she smiled. It would be a long road to recovery, but the important thing is that you would be with her every step of the way.

Her squeeze on your hand faded, which you just attributed to the blonde being tired. But then her eyes closed… and then you couldn’t hear her breathing. You jolted when the heart rate monitor started going off.

Suddenly, there were 4-5 hospital staff members in the room, pushing you aside. You stood in the corner of the room, with your hands over your mouth, silent tears flooding down your face. You heard the designated coding sound come from the machine, and you collapsed onto the floor. Everything went numb.

You could vaguely hear a nurse giving you her condolences. You didn’t even reliaze that you were walking out of the room until you stood in front of the group that loved Alex the most. You were violently shaking, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Liz was the first own to come up to you, to see what was wrong. And Liz was the first one to understand… You fell to your knees and cried into your hands, not caring anymore. You’d lost the love of your life, your wife, your everything.

Liz looked more emotional and out of control than she’d ever been. She kept stammering that it couldn’t be true, but once a doctor came out and told the entire group the news, Liz let out a distraught wail, covering her face in her hands as she sobbed. Casey immediately buried herself in Liz’s embrace which Liz of course accepted. The last thing you remember about that day was Rita coming up to you and embracing you on the floor…

~~~

Alexandra Cabot Masterlist

Olivia Benson Masterlist

Casey Novak Masterlist

Elizabeth Donnelly Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Amanda Rollins Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

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cissyenthusiast010155 · 2 months

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Towing The Line ~Casey Novak x Elizabeth Donnelly (Charlie Angst)

Summary— Set when Casey was with Charlie (her schizophrenic ex), a little fic of how Casey finally comes to terms with Charlie and how there are better fish in the sea (like Liz).

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, physical abuse, implied anxiety attacks, lots and lots of angst, crying, reckless actions, freezing cold, overthinking, happy fluffy ending (sort of), Liz comes to the rescue, etc.

Enjoy (;

Casey’s heart raced as she barrelled out into the night, the pouring rain slamming the door behind her. It hadn’t even been more than two hours since she had come home, she hadn’t even gotten the chance to change out of her work clothes. One more second with Charlie and Casey swore she would have combusted. The young woman’s heels clacked along the wet pavement as she fought her way through the downpour.

Realizing just how cold and rainy it was, Casey curled her arms into her chest, shivering as she walked towards the one place she could think of. She had met Charlie three years ago and had really hit it off, eventually moving in together in less than a year. Casey’s mind spiraled as she desperately tried to understand how things had gotten so bad so fast. Placing her gaze to the horizon, the young woman saw the next stop light crossing in the near distance, now speeding up her swift walk in order to get one step closer to her intended goal.

Making it to the end of the block, Casey’s outstretched hand barely hit the crosswalk button, the imbalance of one arm out making her stumble forward slightly. One small stumble was all it seemed to take with her and Charlie for things to go downhill so quickly. I mean she’d yelled before, but she had never hit me. Not before tonight. Casey was violently pulled out of her thoughts by a driver honking their horn to tell her that the light was green for her to cross, and cross she did.

She was now effectively soaked, wading through the wet streets, Casey only picked up her pace even more. At first, things with Charlie seemed to be a dream, perfect weekends and late nights together, but soon those late nights and long weekends turned into yelling fits and tantrums. The blonde sighed in unrest, she knew that Charlie couldn’t help it. It was an illness. But did that excuse her behavior? Casey began to feel every bead of water that ran down her trembling state as she continued to tread through the downpour.

Time started to fade in and out as the young woman traipsed through five more stoplight crossings, encountering not very many people, as it was way past 3am and thundering like no tomorrow. When Casey had finally caught onto the patterns in Charlie’s behavior (a year into living together), she tried to convince the other woman to get help, but to no avail, she would not hear of support of any kind. A tear escaped Casey’s left eye, joining one of the many droplets on her person, as her mind reeled and replayed the entirety of the last two years. Even though it was late, the city’s bright, neon lights still buzzed as the blonde pulled her coat tighter around her freezing figure and could no longer hold back the floods of tears erupting from her as she sped along the sidewalk.

With her mind on anything but the path in front of her, Casey barely noticed as her right heel got caught in one of the cracks in the pavement, launching the woman forward and off balance. The crux of it all happened when Charlie got so mad, so worked up, that she had not only yelled and berated her partner, but she had also thrown things at her and hit her for the first time. Why hadn’t Charlie just gotten help? This is all my fault. If I had simply been better, been a better partner, a better caretaker… Casey’s mind was swimming as her body tumbled to the ground and her head hit the hard pavement with a crack!.

The young blonde gripped her throbbing head in the pouring rain, as she stumbled to get her bearings once more. The determination on Charlie’s face after she’d thrown that punch was singed into Casey’s memory, and she was sure that the bruise it would leave would be just as memorable. Her mind was a stranger to her now, betraying her: All she could think about was how she had messed up. That she was the failure. That it was her fault. As more tears flowed out from her eyes, she managed to get back on her feet with a quivering lip and a broken spirit.

Now with aching limbs, Casey stammered her way left and down the final street, her core shivering from the intense chill of the relentless night. She remembered wanting to just burst into tears right there in front of Charlie, but instead instinct took over and before she knew it, she was grabbing her coat and she was out the door. The blonde’s heart was pounding in her head, her thoughts had become a broken record, and she wondered if this was her destiny, living a life for others at the cost of her own. With one final push, Casey forced herself up the brownstone steps, knocked on the tall, lavish door, and finally collapsed on the doorstep, soaking the ground with the weight that she was carrying.

The door swung open moments later and a warmth drifted towards her bones, towards her soul. But her eyes were defeated, closing against her will. Her mind shutting down against her will. The last thing Casey saw was the outline of the older woman, her mentor, sweeping down and taking the young blonde’s frail body into her arms.

“Dear God Casey…” Elizabeth murmured concerningly, “What were you thinking…??”

But Casey couldn’t respond. Nor did Liz expect the young woman to. She simply carried Casey inside the expansive brownstone, closing the door behind her, and finally pulling Casey’s ice cold body into the warmth of safety.

~~~

Casey Novak Masterlist

Elizabeth Donnelly Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

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cissyenthusiast010155 · 3 months

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Casey Novak Masterlist

Mommy… Master List

Approach at your own risk… smut =* extra smutty =**

One Shots

What Have I Done… ~Broken!Casey Novak xFem Wife!Reader

Not Without You ~Casey Novak xFem Wife!Reader (Olivia Benson x Alex Cabot)[MATURE]

She’s Been to Hell And Back ~S13!Alex Cabot xFem Wife!Reader (feat. Casey, Rita, Liz, Liv, & Amanda)[MATURE]

Towing The Line ~Casey Novak x Elizabeth Donnelly (Charlie Angst)

Some Needed TLC ~Sub!Casey Novak xFem Mommy!Reader*

Rolling with the Punches ~(Charlie Angst)

Oh and I take Requests, so hit me up with your ideas 😉 Requests & Prompt-List

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cissyenthusiast010155 · 2 months

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My Guardian Angel ~Broken!Rita Calhoun xFem Younger!Investigator!Reader (Liz Donnelly x Alex Cabot) feat. Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson

Summary— AU where Rita has an abusive husband, and one night, after he storms out, Rita calls Reader. Reader brings Rita to the person who helped her with her own haunted past, Elizabeth Donnelly. Alex, Barba, and Liv makes appearances. What does the night have in store for Rita and Reader…?

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, a little fluff, dead dove: do not eat, implied abuse, implied sexual assault, implied abusive husband, comforting, crying, alcohol consumption, anxiety attacks, a little self destructive behavior, mentions to prostitution, SVU things, Elizabeth Donnelly, Alex Cabot, Rafael Barba, Olivia Benson, Liz and Alex are a bit of a power couple, gray ending, etc.

Enjoy (;

You didn’t know Rita Calhoun well. At least not originally. From the moment you did meet, you both couldn’t deny the connection between the two of you. You had always lived in coinciding worlds, she was a New York defense attorney, and you were an investigator for 1PP, occasionally lended out to SVU.

Originally, she was the lawyer whom you had hired for your idiot of a brother when he had been caught and charged with soliciting a prostitute. You had met with the high class woman on a couple of occasions, to discuss your brothers bail, probation, trial, payment, and anything else pertaining to his case.

You saw yourself intrigued by her elegant manner, high end fashion, and confidence. Soon you saw yourself get hooked to the tiny smiles and chuckles you managed to pull from her when in private. You found yourself fighting to make the woman laugh as much as you could, her laugh always seemed to make your day. And during the trial, your eyes were on her the entire time. You lived off those days outfits that Rita would strut into court in.

So when you checked your phone late Friday night, the last thing you expected to see what a very many handfuls of missed calls from Rita Calhoun. You saw that she had left a voicemail in the last call, so you pressed play.

“Heyyyy Y/N… S-sorry to be bothering you so I know it’s^^late… I… I just… I don’t know what to do, call me back k bye”

It was Rita alright, but something was very wrong. She had been stammering and hiccuping throughout the entire voicemail, and had broken into sobs by the end. She sounded like she’d been crying and drinking for far too long… Her sounds triggered memories of your own life, memories that you had gone to great lengths to bury.

You immediately called the woman back. The dial rang for a couple tones, then it shut off. You hit call again. The second time, she picked up. You heard a sniffle and then a choke sob.

“H-hey…” she practically whispered.

“Rita, Hi, is everything alright?”

“I…” She stammered, before the call went silent.

“Rita?” You asked, your concern growing.

“N-no” She whispered, then letting out another choked sob.

You took a deep breath and your instincts kicked in once more. You got Rita to give you her address and told her that you would be over as soon as possible. That night you broke the made the most traffic violations in your entire life.

You entered the house, the front door having been unlocked which was mildly concerning to you. You walked through the lavish, lofty apartment, until you found Rita curled up facing away from you in the living room on the floor with a full bottle of wine in her hand. Your heart sank and a lump came into your throat. You hated how normal and used to this sight you were. Because not too long ago, this had been you…

You dropped to the floor, immediately going to comfort the woman. You carefully removed the alcohol, setting it aside. Rita let out a choke sob, immediately curling up into your lap. As she turned to face you, you saw the massive black eye that she had. Your eyes scanned her entire body, finding more red, raw skin marks along her arms and some blue bruising on her neck. Your heart nearly broke as Rita sobbed into your lap.

“I—im s-sorry… I didn’t-didn’t know who t-to call…! It’s it’s stupid, nothing really—” Rita choked out, muffled as she cried into your chest.

You knew this behavior. You knew it all too well.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. I’m here Rita… It’s all going to be okay. Can I touch you, honey…? Would that be alright…?” You very gently asked the woman, coming a little closer to her, trying to show that you were no threat.

Rita nodded as her cries were muffled by her face being in the crook of your neck. She clung onto you like her life depended on it.

“Ok, good… you are doing so good for me, Rita. Take some deep breaths for me? Can you try to do that?” You comforted the woman, bringing your hands around to hold the woman in your lap.

You could hear Rita trying to take some deep breaths as she nodded, although her hiccups made it more difficult.

“Good, very good, Rita.” You praised, then bringing your hands to cup the woman’s cheeks and direct her scattered gaze to you.

“Now Rita this is important… I need you to come back to me and think, okay?”

A slow nod.

“Is he going to come back anytime soon…?” You softly asked.

Rita’s eyes widened and she began to panic at your question. Your hold on the woman only tightened and you insisted on her answer.

“I know you don’t want to think about it, but I need to know if you’re safe staying here Rita.” You explained firmly yet lovingly.

Rita took some more deep breaths before stammering,

“I… he he’s gone out… drinking…” she gulped, “Be back late…”

Her eyes were red and glossy, and they only panicked more at the idea of her husband returning. You rubbed her back and caressed her check in comfort.

“Ok. We need to get you to a hospital, Rita…” you gently said, knowing the possible outlast that your words might cause.

Rita practically jumped out of your lap and was quick to stand up and start pacing in the living room. Her fingers were red and raw and fidgeting. Her gaze scattered everywhere. You slowly stood up and tried to corner the woman into your embrace.

“No no no hospitals… hospitals means cops and that means court and no no—” Rita rambled, her thoughts spiraling more and more.

You grabbed the woman’s hands, clasping them in your own to ground the woman. Her sobbing gaze finally met yours once more.

“Okay. That’s okay. Rita, listen to me, is there anywhere you can go to stay for the time being…?” You softly asked.

Rita’s lip began to tremble and her knees buckled, her body falling into yours. Luckily, you managed to gently catch and carry the weight of the woman while she regained partial strength.

“N-not RAF—Rafael… he can’t know, no no no one…” Rita choked out in gasps.

When she wasn’t able to come up with any other options, your mind went to the person who had helped you.

“Okay okay, that’s okay, Rita. How about Elizabeth? You know Judge Donnelly? She’s a close friend and I know she can help…” you spoke with understanding and reassurance.

Rita looked up to you from collapsing in your arms and nodded slowly. But her eyes told you that she had sunken too far into her thoughts, that you would have to start making the decisions in her best interest until she came back to you.

You gently placed Rita back on the couch, quickly going to the kitchen to grab her a water, while you then ran around the place, trying to pack her a weekend back. After about 15 minutes, you had the bag in hand and you were leading the woman out of the house and into a cab. The entire cab ride, Rita was snuffling and silently sobbing in your shoulder.

Once you reached Liz’s brownstone, you violently knocked on the door, Rita protected being you and holding your hand. The door flew open but it wasn’t Liz, it was a blonde. Your eyes went wide and you gulped, suddenly regretting not having double checked with Liz beforehand.

“You’re Y/N, right…? I’m Alex.” The tall blonde spoke slowly yet confidently.

“Yes, um is Liz home?” You said, quickly getting to the point while trying to hide Rita behind you to the best of your ability.

But Liz had told you about Alex, she was sharp, didn’t miss a thing.

“Yea, she’s in the kitchen… Is that Calhoun…?” Alex hummed, leaning against the doorway.

You took a deep breath and brought Rita to stand next to you. Alex’s jaw dropped and she took a step back in shock.

“I just… we needed a safe place to go for the night and Liz always said her door was always open and I’m sorry if we intruded, I just can’t handle this, I mean I know Liz can handle it, and so I thought—” you rambled.

Before you could say another word, the blonde was pulling you and Rita into the brownstone, closing the door behind her and marching straight up to Liz in the kitchen.

“Is that our take-out, bunny…?” Liz hummed, while sipping some wine before her gaze met yours and then Rita’s disheveled state.

“Oh my god.” Liz immediately put her glass doing and rushed over to Rita, her hands wandering all over the woman, her gaze scouring the woman’s injuries, “Rita, Darling, what happened…??”

Rita’s lip trembled before more violent sobs came out. No coherent words were possible for the woman at this point, all she could do was embrace Liz and sob into her chest. Liz happily consoled the poor woman before her gaze meet yours along with the go bag.

“I’m sorry…” you mouthed, referring to breaking up her and Alex’s obvious night together.

“Hush now, you did the right thing, take Rita’s things to the first bedroom on the second floor.” Liz told you, waving off your unneeded apology.

You immediately nodded and went to go up the stairs. Then Luz turned to Alex.

“Go run a bath, warm not too hot.” Liz spoke firmly.

Alex was off to the master bathroom after a quick nod. When you both returned, you found Rita clung around Liz like a Koala, clinging on for dear life and continuing to sob in her chest. The sight brought flashbacks of the night you had stumbled up on Liz’s doorstep, in an eerily same condition as Rita…

Liz soothed Rita while guiding her to the master bathroom. The older blonde sent you a comforting gaze with a nod, telling you that she had it. You placed a hand on your heart and took a shattered breath, nodding slowly.

It was then that you noticed Alex coming up beside you. You turned your head to her slightly.

“I… I just didn’t know where else to go… I’m sorry if I ruined your night…” you breathed out.

Alex brought a hand to your shoulder and reassuringly squeezed your skin lightly. Her eyes twinkled with sympathy and care.

“Hey, it’s okay. You made the right call. And hey, I’m glad to finally meet you.” Alex sighed, “Can I get you anything…?”

You nodded and then sighed yourself.

“Tea maybe…? Or fuck some scotch now that I think about it…”

A deep chuckle reverberated throughout Alex’s chest as she nodded in agreement, going to the kitchen and pulling a bottle out of the liquor cabinet. She poured two glasses and handed you one of them.

“Thanks” you muttered.

Alex hummed an of course in response, before going to sit down in the classy living room. You sat across from her, sipping your scotch lightly. The blonde looked you dead in the eye, as she sighed.

“Liz told me a bit about you and that night.”

You gulped and struggled to maintain the intense eye contact. You knew that Liz and Alex were close, really close, however it still was hard to reconcile another person knowing something so vulnerable about you. But if Liz trusted Alex with it, so did you.

“Yea… I was and am still so grateful to Lizzie for all that she did for me…” you confessed.

“Lizzie…?” Alex chuckled dryly with a cock of an eyebrow.

“Yea…” you breathily chuckled, “Her and my dad worked together…”

Alex smiled lightly in understanding, nodding along, waving her hand in the air and prompting you to continue, knowing from what Liz had said that that wasn’t the whole story.

“Yeah they were colleagues, and so I saw Lizzie at events and she’d been at my childhood home a couple times… I’d always been pretty independent, both my parents working all the time, and me being the oldest led to me getting used to being on my own. And then my parents divorced, and I got even more alone…” you sighed.

Another wave of sympathy washed over Alex’s face, as she sipped her scotch and listened intently.

“I’m sorry. I definitely know the pains of divorced parents…” Alex sighed.

You smiled lightly and nodded, before continuing you tawdry tale,

“Anyways, Lizzie was one of the only people who reached out to me, to y’know check on me and stuff. She’s always been in my corner, and she’s practically filled the role of a mother ever since the divorce…” you spoke out softly.

You could tell that Alex knew most of this, and that she was waiting for the part about how this all connected to Rita, so you cut to the chase.

“Anyways, about two years ago, I meet and started to see this guy… Looking back, he was a lot like my father, and I should have recognized the warning signs earlier… But I didn’t. And I let it go on for an entire year… Until…” you sucked in a breath, “I wound up on Lizzie’s doorstep, heart broken and bruised…”

You saw Alex’s audible gulp at your last sentence. You saw how her hand tightly clutched her glass, her knuckles almost white. With a deep breath, she nodded and prompted you to continue with her hand once more.

“Anywho, Lizzie helped me get my shit together and throw him out of my place and my life. I’d taken his abuse for a whole year, and I’m still recovering to this day from the number he did on me…” You concluded your story.

Alex then stood up and came to sit next to you on the couch you inhabited. Her hand came to squeeze your shoulder reassuringly.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that…” Alex sighed, “I hear you, recovery takes time.”

You took a breathy, deep breath with a shaky nod, all the memories of your past coming up as you talked about it all. But her touch was soothing. It was then that Liz emerged from the hallway and came into the living room with a sigh. The older woman sat down next to you, a hand running up and down your thigh in reassurance.

“She’s okay, Rita is going to be fine.” Liz hummed, before stealing your glass of scotch and sipping away at it.

You didn’t mind the cheeky gesture, lord knows she needed the relaxation, merely humming and nodding in response.

“She’s in the bath, and she’s asking for you…” Liz spoke once more.

You sucked in a breath and nodded, starting to stand up. As you went to leave and find Rita in the master bath, you turned back towards Liz and Alex, who were now snuggling lovingly on the couch.

“Thank you Lizzie… Really, thank you.” You breathed out shakily.

Liz met your gaze, her eyes filled with love and care, and the older woman nodded.

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

You nodded lightly with a small smile, before turning around and making your way to find Rita. By the time you reached the bath, you found Rita passed out in the warm water, snoring lightly and peacefully. You noted how graceful and content Rita looked asleep. Coming up to the tub, you sat down next to the rim, and proceeded to tuck a stray hair behind Rita’s ear.

She must be exhausted… you thought. And your suspicions were confirmed as the woman continued to sleep until the water in the tub threatened to go cold. It was then that you gently nudged the brunette out from her slumber. She snorted lightly as her eyes fluttered open. Her gaze still looked shattered and sad, and her lip was still lightly trembling.

“Fuck I’m mm sorry, I must have fallen asleep—” Rita rambled in a quiet mumble.

“Hush, none of that. It’s completely alright…” you comforted the woman, raising your hand for her to stop.

Rita shut her mouth and blushed a little, then shivering in the now cold bath water.

“Thanks…” she whispered.

“Of course. Now let’s get you out and into something warm…” you hummed, grabbing a fluffy towel from the bathroom cabinet and then reaching your hand out towards Rita.

Rita happily took your hand, then climbing out of the tub, then you proceeded to wrap the woman up in the warm towel.

“M-my clothes…” Rita murmured, looking to the ground as fear lurched in the pit of her stomache at the idea of having to wear her bloodied clothing.

You gently rubbed her towel wrapped shoulders with a light smile.

“I grabbed some things before we left your place, the bag is on the toilet. It will have to do for now, until we figure out what to do…” you cooed caringly.

Rita blushed lightly and muttered a thank you. You told her it’s was the least that you could do, before giving her a kiss on the forehead and leaving her in the bathroom to go through the bag and change.

As you exited the room and walked back into the living room, you found Liz and Alex right where you had left them, with Alex curled up in Liz’s arms. Liz’s head popped up from her gaze on Alex back to you as you came into the living room and took a seat on an opposing couch, with a pondering look on your face.

“I know that look…” Liz hummed cheekily, taking another sip of your scotch, “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

You bit your lip, pulling out your phone, before looking over to Liz.

“I was thinking about maybe calling Barba…” you mused aloud, your mind questioning on what to do next.

At this, Alex perked up to. Liz’s eyes widened and her expression was a knowing one, one that quickly understood your line of thought.

“I see… What did Rita say?” Liz hummed, placing the scotch back on the table and much to Alex’s delight starting to massage the young blonde’s shoulders.

You looked away from Liz at her words, and back to your phone.

“When I asked where she could go, she said not Rafael… I know that their friends, she’s mentioned him before… But he could help…” you sighed, inwardly conflicted.

Liz sighed at your admission. And she seemed to be in deep thought for a moment before she spoke,

“When you came to me, did I call anyone…?” The older woman asked you.

You bit your lip and sighed.

“No…”

“Exactly. Even though I wanted to… Probably would have called Liv, but I didn’t. Because you didn’t want me to.” Liz spoke,

You once again looked to the ground instead of meeting the older woman’s gaze.

“I’m not saying that Barba is a bad idea…” she slowly explained, “I think that it would be best if we ask Rita first.”

“Ask me what?” Rita’s timid voice echoed through the expansive living room and kitchen.

All three of your heads swiveled with extreme speed to the end of the hallway where the brunette stood. She padded her way through part of the kitchen and then into the living room. You immediately scooted over and lightly waved her over to come and sit. Rita did exactly that before repeating her question, more vocal this time.

“What did you want to ask me first?” The woman spoke.

Liz and Alex immediately eyed you, quirking their eyebrows and very clearly telling you that since this was your idea, you were the one who was going to say something. You gulped, turning your body more towards the group. Your gaze met Rita’s and you reached your hands out to grasp her left available hand and reassuringly squeeze it.

“I… We were talking about maybe calling Liv… or Barba…” you shakily breathed out, squeezing her hand lovingly while speaking to comfort the woman.

The same panic from earlier this night came rushing back to the woman’s gaze. But she was a little more collected now, and she seemed to handle the surge of emotions better this time around.

“I…” Rita stammered, “I don’t know…”

She slumped forward a bit and closed her eyes, a singular tear escaping her eyes. You immediately extended your arm and brought the brunette into your soft embrace.

“That’s okay. We can deal with all that later… How are you feeling…?” You gently spoke.

“Exhausted…” Rita choked out, “and stupid… like it’s all my fault…!”

The broken defense lawyer turned completely towards you, clinging to your frame as she began to cry into your shoulder. You gently caressed her back and shoulders reassuringly.

“That’s it, it’s going to be ok, Rita… It’s all going to be okay…” you soothed the woman.

“B-but how do you know that…?”

You sighed.

“Because… I’ve been through something eerily similar…”

At this, Rita pulled back and looked at you with eyes full of empathy.

“I’m so sorry…” she uttered, fully processing the words you had just spoken.

You smiled lightly and cupped Rita’s face.

“It’s okay… I’m past that now. Now I’m here for you… Now how about bed…?” You hummed caringly.

Rita nodded and hummed a soft thank you, before you guided the woman up and to one of Liz’s many guest bedrooms. You stayed with her until she was asleep, which didn’t take too long, but you stayed nonetheless, before then turning in for the night yourself in another guest room, which Liz had so kindly offered you.

Rita spent the rest of the weekend at Liz’s. Liz and Alex were more than happy to host, and they graciously let you stay as well to keep an eye on the broken brunette.

Then come Monday morning, you were walking into the SVU squad room with Rita anxiously by your side. You grabbed her shaky hand and squeezed it reassuringly, as your other hand rapped on Captain Liv Benson’s office door. Neither of you expected Barba to swing the door open, and he sure as hell didn’t expect to see Rita.

Liv ushered you in, and Rafael could immediately sense something was wrong. Rafael simply closed the door behind you, not bothering to leave.

“Rita, Y/N, how can I help you?” Liv spoke.

Rita shuffled her feet and looked to the ground. You squeezed her hand again and whispered that it was going to be okay.

“Wait what is going on…?” Rafael cut in.

Liv sent Barba a warning glance for him to be quiet to let you or Rita speak. You gently looked towards the brunette, whose lip was now trembling.

“I… I was raped…” Rita shakily breathed out, as a small tear rolled down her left cheek.

~~~

Part 2 with a happy ending…? Or maybe something more angsty…? 😏

Alex Cabot Masterlist

Olivia Benson Masterlist

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Elizabeth Donnelly Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Rafael Barba Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

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storiesofsvu · 2 years

Note

Ok you know I’m a whore for angst but since you begged for fluff….

How about #32 “I never knew I could miss someone this much” and a character we don’t see much of… like Liz Donnelly (have fun with it)

Liz Donnelly x reader Warnings: language, all fluff folks.

You'd known when you and Liz had first gotten involved that she was a career woman through and through. She worked long hours, often longer than required, bringing work home with her and sometimes it bled into the weekends. She loved her career and the life that it had brought her, even if it meant babysitting reckless prosecutors on the regular. You had no qualms with this, your own work was important, and it made so that the time you and Liz did spend together was just that much better and more treasured. She never cancelled dates, if she said she was going to be there, she was there and never a moment late. She cherished you, and was incredibly thankful for your patience. If you came downstairs on Sunday morning to find her working through a case file rather than the Sunday crossword, you simply left a kiss on the top of her head before heading into the kitchen. You'd make sure she had fresh coffee topped up and make an easy breakfast for her to eat without having to stop her work before curling up on the couch with a book until she was finished what she needed.

One of the large benefits that came with Liz being such a prominent attorney and bureau chief were the many dinners and galas. While some hated on them, they were always lavish events of free food and drinks, socializing your way through Manhattan as the night went on. Liz had been incredibly proud at the first one she'd brought you to, you not only held your own but proved your wit in a friendly debate with Alex. She loved to show you off at these events, making sure you always had time to take yourself shopping (on her dime of course) the week before. Having you on her arm was the highlight of her night.

The downside of being with someone like Liz was that she often had to travel for work. You'd been surprised when it had first come up, thinking that she worked in the DA's office and occasionally the courtroom. But Elizabeth Donnelly was a name well known in the legal world all across the country. She often guest lectured at colleges and universities, travelling out of state often, spending weeks at a time in Cambridge. You were currently in the midst of one of those weeks, though at least this time it was only five days. Liz had left you with keys to her brownstone, insisting that it was closer to your work that you should stay while she was gone, besides, who else was going to water the plants?

So you made the space a little more your own that week, a couple of work books scattered on the dining room table, a novel on the coffee table that you'd slowly been working through and a few items in the fridge that you couldn't live without. You had a habit of snooping through Liz's closets to find a cozy sweater that had a lingering of her perfume, pulling it on as the warm days morphed into chilly nights, rain often pattering the windows of the brownstone.

It was one of those rainy evenings, you had homemade stew sitting in the crock pot all day, knowing that it would hit the spot at the end of the day. The smells wafted through the house, your stomach beginning to rumble at the thought of dinner. You knew Liz was due home that night but were unaware of the time, so you'd placed one of your favorite vinyl's on, a soft instrumental playlist floating through the house while you started to tidy up. You made sure the sheets were changed, fresh clean and cozy ones waiting, pillows extra fluffed and laundry all done. The kitchen was practically spotless, clean dishes all put away, only a bottle of red wine aerating next to two glasses on the counter. You folded a couple of blankets over the back of the couch and picked up a couple more things in there before you retreated back to kitchen. It wasn't quite dinner time yet, but you could always enjoy a glass of wine while you waited for the timer to go off. Distracted in your own imagination you missed the sound of the door opening and Liz moving through the house. You let out a little squeak when she wrapped around your waist from behind and she chuckled softly, pressing a kiss behind your ear.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." She greeted and you turned in her arms, greeting her with a proper kiss, "smells delicious."

"Thought it was best for a chilly day."

"Second best." She smiled, stealing another kiss, "getting to come home to you is the best. I never knew I could miss someone this much."

"Liz..." you whined, your cheeks heating at her words, "it wasn't even a full week."

"I know. Next time you're coming with me, no objections accepted."

"None needed." You smiled, kissing her softly, "I love you."

"I love you more sweetheart."

____________________ @anya-casablanca @ms-calhoun @naturalxselection @yesterdaysgone @alexusonfire @nobody-important1212

#elizabeth donnelly #elizabeth donnelly x reader #law and order svu #liz donnelly #elizabeth donnelly fluff #law and order svu drabble #drabble #blurb #svu

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storiesofsvu · 2 years

Text

Hidden Desires Ch 12

Alex Cabot x reader Warnings: language, angst, lots of it.

The entire night had been spent at the precinct, exhausting every last resource the squad could to try and get any information about what had happened. Since Liv and Elliot had been on the scene they knew there were no street witnesses, but a canvas was sent out to see if any of the neighbouring apartments had seen anything, heard anything. They checked for street cams, staring at countless hours of surveillance tapes trying to find the same car from the scene, try to get a clip of even one letter from the plate. Ballistics was on hold until the lab opened in the morning, as was talking to the various prisoners that had already put threats out against Alex.

As the hours went on you were let on to more of the information Alex had kept from you, that these guys had your address, had her mother’s address, that Zapata had basically threatened her when she’d made a sassy remark during an interview. Olivia quietly reassured you that she was sure Alex wasn’t trying to keep secrets from you, but just wanted to keep you safe and as far away from the danger of the case as possible.

You only managed to drag yourself away from the 1-6 when your alarm went off on your phone. That and…every lead was exhausted that they could get a hold of. You made sure Liv knew that you needed to know the second anything came in involving the case before traipsing down to Hogan Place.

It was just before your stomach began to grumble for lunch when you heard the door to your office open. You had your head down in your arms, you’d almost been asleep before the vision of Alex bleeding out in the street began to invade your imagination, forgoing the exhaustion seeping through your bones.

“Shouldn’t you be in court?” Donnelly’s voice broke through your thoughts. You didn’t move, simply mumbling a reply against your arm.

“Made a deal.”

“Don’t you have about four other cases you should probably be working on then?” You felt a folded paper drop onto your head, letting it slide off as Liz took a seat in front of your desk, just out of your eyeline.

“Made deals on all of them…don’t have any fight left in me…” you let out a heavy sigh, knowing you weren’t about to get out of this conversation. Shoving yourself up you moved through your office, pouring a fresh cup of coffee, offering one to Elizabeth.

“You look like crap.” She returned, “your girlfriend let you walk around this place in sweatpants?” You gave a watery laugh as you fell back into your chair, running your hands through your hair, “she wasn’t in her office, and I can’t find Paxton.” You barely heard her second sentence, brain still wrapped around the ‘your girlfriend’ part.

“She’s not exactly my girlfriend anymore.” Liz sighed at the way your eyes began to glass over at your words, shaking her head as she put her coffee mug down.

“This is why I should’ve said no when you two disclosed, you can’t bring your personal bullshit into work just because you broke up.” You raised your head to your boss, brows furrowed, lips slightly parted in confusement and disbelief.

“Have you been living under a rock all morning?” Your voice nearly shook with your words and it was Liz’s turn to be confused, you were a great lawyer and a strong woman at that, why was something so trivial bothering you this much.

“I took the morning off, thought I was coming down with something so I slept in. I just got here.”

“You haven’t seen the paper…” now the shake was gone from your voice but it was so quiet it barely echoed through the room. Your hand grabbed the New York Times that sat on your desk, tossing it to Liz. You’d had to flip it over, the image of Alex’s face staring back up at you too hard for today, especially with you running on zero steam.

“This…this can’t be true…” Liz’s gaze shot up to yours. You sniffled, taking a deep breath,

“Benson and Stabler were with her when she was hit, outside some bar.” You were surprised to feel a tear burning its way down your cheek, quickly brushing it away, “I was at the precinct all night with them trying to get anything but there’s no leads aside from knowing it’s somehow linked to Zapata…but we can’t prove it…”

“Oh God…” She dropped the paper down onto a free chair, “are you okay?”

“No…” you nearly laughed, “I will be once this bastard’s behind bars.” She gave you a stern look that you knew was a warning of you being too close to the case to prosecute, but you simply turned your attention to your coffee, “I was gonna go through her case load this afternoon but I can’t bring myself to go into her office…”

“Oh sweetheart…” Liz’s hand reached out, squeezing at yours, “I’ll go through it with Branch, you don’t worry about that okay?” She mustered up the best of a smile she could while you nodded, “how’s Sonya taking it?” You snorted.

“Exactly how you think she is.” You nodded toward the coffee table, “she polished off what was left of the Jack and disappeared after I told her.”

“Jesus..” She muttered, you gave a weary glance to your cell phone.

“The bartender at her usual place has my number…and I’ve been calling her every couple of hours to make sure she’s not choking on her own puke. I checked her schedule to make sure she didn’t have any appearances today, she’s clear.”

“You know you don’t have take care of everything around here. But I do need you taking care of yourself right now, understand?” You gave her a small nod, “why don’t you go home? Get outta here for the afternoon?”

“You really think going home where all of Alex’s stuff is is gonna make me feel better? Where I can still smell her perfume lingering in the air?” Liz stalled at your response,

“You…two were living together?”

“Yeah…” you wiped another stray tear away, God, where were they even coming from at this point?

“I didn’t realize it was that serious.” As much as she needed to know what was going on with her staff, she also respected your privacy and boundaries, she wasn’t about to go sticking her nose into your business when she didn’t need to.

“I wanted to marry her…” your voice was back to that quiet far away tone, your gaze not even latched onto anything in the room while your hand toyed with the gem still linked around your neck.

You didn’t even hear what Elizabeth said next, your brain still processing the fact that you’d finally said it out loud. You’d known it for weeks, you’d felt it for over a month, Alex had always been someone who had made you so incredibly happy, but once she was a solid part of your daily life, you knew you wanted to keep it that way. You said a silent thank your to whatever higher power was out there that you hadn’t wasted money buying a ring…all things considered…

“Y/N?”

“Sorry…” you shook out of it, glancing towards the older woman again, “what?”

“Go home…or…go track down Paxton or something. You can’t sit here all day doing nothing, you’ll drive yourself crazy. At least do it somewhere sweatpants are an acceptable piece of attire.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at her words.

“Fine…” You pushed back from your desk, tossing the few things you needed into your bag before turning to the older woman as she stood, “are…you gonna be okay?” You felt nearly embarrassed to ask, knowing Donnelly was, without a doubt one of the strongest and badass women that you knew, but something like this would hit close to home, you knew her and Alex were close, and Alex had always spoken very highly of her.

“I will be.” She sighed, a hand softly clapping on your shoulder, “this isn’t the first time something like this has happened at the D.A’s office…and it won’t be the last. So please…be careful trying to solve this case..I need at least one of my prosecutors in working shape. And you’re the best one I’ve got.”

“Thanks…” you murmured, avoiding her gaze. You were genuinely surprised when she sighed, tugging you into her arms, and even more surprised when you felt her lips hit the top of your head in a maternal fashion. You’d never known Elizabeth Donnelly to be soft, you were honestly surprised she was even okay with sending you home for the rest of the day. “What if SVU calls?” You asked bleakly as you pulled away from the hug.

“Forward them to me.” You gave a small nod, moving toward the door before you froze, turning back to her.

“Uh- the uh…the funeral’s on Friday…if..you’re interested.”

“Of course…y/n..I really am incredibly sorry.”

“Thanks Liz.”

You managed to give her one last nod before leaving the office, escaping the place you’d spent so many hours with Alex. Not that it helped that you at least needed to stop at home next, you weren’t sure what you were exactly supposed to do there, surrounded by her things. What were you supposed to even do with them now that she was gone? Did you hold on to them? Wear her clothes? Give them to her family? Your brain was a fucking scramble and you had no idea how to fix it this time.

The funeral was a fucking emotional disaster, though you weren’t surprised. Alex’s parent’s knew you from college, and you nearly burst into tears when her Mom insisted you sit with them and that she’d been so excited to see the two of you at Christmas that year. She held your hand the entire way through the service, squeezing tightly whenever she heard a strangled sniffle or cry. You weren’t sure why, but Olivia seemed to be avoiding you the entire day, she’d given you a small nod of affection, a few small words of condolences again, but she was far from the woman who’d showed up unexpectedly to your apartment earlier that month. You were glad to see more than a few friendly faces from the D.A’s office and courthouse there, along with the entire SVU squad. You weren’t surprised when you saw Sonya stumbling her way through the repast, doing your best to put her into a cab, keeping her behaviour unnoticed by anyone else. It wasn’t long afterwards that you ducked out yourself without saying any goodbyes, you just couldn’t fucking bare it anymore. You needed to grieve how you wanted to grieve, and that involved burrowing yourself in the blanket on the back of the couch that still smelt like Alex’s shampoo while finally finishing Schitt’s Creek, polishing of the bottle of wine she’d bought for your upcoming anniversary. What you weren’t expecting was the final season of the comedy, the one that had made you realize you could have feelings for someone like Alex, the one that had technically brought you together, was able to make you ugly cry over the soft romantic and family values that it ended up being very capable of. You woke up hungover, very dehydrated, and still on the couch the next morning, hating life even more than you did before.

In the following month you started to realize you’d need to start to box up Alex’s personal things, you just couldn’t handle having them around the apartment any longer. Not that you spent much time there, you spent so much goddamn unpaid overtime working thanks to Sonya still being a disaster that you were barely home. You were quick to toss anything like perfume, body wash and the like, things that you wouldn’t use, that you didn’t want the scents remaining in the apartment. Smaller Knick knacks, things that had meant more to her you packed up, stashing into the closet in your home office. You knew she had expensive taste when it came to clothes, managing to convince Liz into coming over to go through her side of the closet, sorting out what you should take to a consignment store versus just donating. You kept a few things, a spare Harvard t-shirt that you already liked to sleep in, a comfy pair of pyjama pants that were softer than yours, but you did your best to get rid of her stuff. It absolutely destroyed your heart to see it go, and you couldn’t lie, you still cried about it on a pretty regular basis, even if it was alone, in the cold bed of your apartment. Everyone at work commended you for keeping it together that someone you worked so closely with had been killed, only Liz kept a closer eye on you, making sure you weren’t about to go off the deep end. You managed to keep everything under control, keeping your job on a good level, prosecuting the crimes you could.

You wouldn’t ever deny it.

The night you found out that you’d never be able to prosecute Alex’s murder, that there was no way to track down the bastard that killed her, that there somehow wasn’t a lick of evidence, you smashed multiple wine glasses on the kitchen floor. You collapsed on the living room floor in a fit of tears, unable to even think of what you were supposed to do with your future. Bringing justice to Alex was all you’d been looking forward to, and now even that bleak option was gone.

You weren’t the only one to take it hard, and honestly, you surprised yourself when you were the one knocking on Elizabeth Donnelly’s office door a couple of days later.

“What can I help with?” You were genuinely surprised when her voice was soft, knowing that you were probably circling back to the first level of mourning due to the recent news.

“I need a new A.D.A.” You sighed, “I can’t keep doing the work of three of us and picking up the slack from homicide…it’s way too much. Liz..I’m at my breaking point…”

“Homicide has a new one starting tomorrow, transferred in from Queens. Branch made personal calls to the precinct to tell them to stop calling you.”

“Thank you…but I meant in SVU.” You hated yourself for what you were about to do, you hated being the person who snitched on a friend, but you were going through enough already, you couldn’t stay as strong as you wanted to.

“Please don’t tell me you’re about to hand me a resignation.”

“No!” You shot back, “but…you need to suspend Sonya…she needs to go to rehab…” you dropped into the chair in front of her desk, daring to meet her eyes.

“What?”

“I’ve been covering for her for weeks Elizabeth…I’ve been doing her case work, writing her arguments for her, cause she’s just too fucked up to do it herself. I’m so sorry…I never wanted to be this person, but..I can’t do it anymore. I just had Liv breathalyzer her in my office and she blew a 1.8…she’s supposed to be in court in an hour.”

“Are you kidding me?” You basically shrunk in your chair at the tone in her voice and she noticed it instantly.

“I’m sorry…” the tears you’d been trying to hold back, especially in this interaction began to threaten to burst from your eyes, “I just..it’s not fair…I mean…Sonya lost a friend sure, but somehow she’s the one allowed to be a complete mess, to show up to work drunk and it just gets blown off?! Meanwhile I’m the one stuck cleaning out Alex’s stuff from our apartment?! I feel like I’m a strand of silly string trying to hold the goddamn department together right now and I can’t keep doing this if Branch doesn’t hire someone else!”

You buried your face into your hands, trying to hold back the tears, trying to not shudder from the cries begging to escape your body in front of your supervisor. You heard a shuffle as she moved through the office, surprised when you felt her hands on your wrists, moving your hands from your face, tilting your chin up to hers.

“Don’t ever sell yourself short. I’ve told you before and I will tell you again, you’re one of the greatest prosecutors that I have, and you always will be. I’m incredibly proud of you for coming to me about Paxton…it takes a lot of guts to do that when it’s not only a friend but someone with seniority over you. I’ll talk to Branch, I’ll see about getting someone transferred into SVU. I know he mentioned there were a few people with paperwork already started. And please…remember you’re not alone in this…”

“Thank you…” you murmured out, taking a breath as you wiped your tears from your face, “and…could you maybe suggest a lateral transfer? Or at least someone that has an idea of what sex crimes entails. I really don’t have the energy to coach some baby lawyer into the world of SVU.”

“I’ll do what I can.” Liz gave you the usual tight smile, “now how about you go home…have a drink..or..don’t..” she grimaced slightly, “just..take care of yourself. I’ll get someone to cover Paxton’s case.”

“Thank you.” You managed to shoot her a weak smile before you left her office.

Things may have not be anywhere near good, but maybe, just maybe they were getting better. You hated that you’d been the one to turn on Sonya, her being one of the only friends you had now, especially since Olivia had been so distant. You figured it was because her and Alex had been so close, that she was just as fucked up as you were now, or there was some weird history you’d never been indulged to. You thought you’d been able to lean on each other, but as things looked, you had Donnelly, and that was much more professional than anything else. You were only thankful when later that evening, after nearly a bottle of wine you’d gotten a text from Liz that the new A.D.A had been secured for your department, and would be starting within the next few days. If everything was going to be a fucking dumpster fire, at least you’d have someone to share the burden with, even if they didn’t know why the fire was lit in the first place.

#alex cabot #alex cabot x reader #hidden desires #law and order #svu #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit

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storiesofsvu · 3 years

Text

I Ruined You

Elizabeth Donnelly x fem!reader Warnings: language, angst, cheating/affair. Covers the “You Ruin Me“ by The Veronica’s square a/n: MIGHT have a part 2 coming shortly

The chill of the spring day was more than welcomed by you, the temperatures had soared over the last couple of weeks and made your post work runs a little less enjoyable, if they even happened at all. But today, it had been raining practically since you left the house that morning, meaning the air was cool, the streets were relatively empty, and by the time you were wrapping up work, you were ready to use the trip home as your workout. You were thankful that work ended up wrapping up even earlier than you’d expected, you’d be able to surprise your partner at home before she’d even think you had a chance.

You had crossed paths with Elizabeth when you did a very brief internship at the D.A’s office. Your work wasn’t in the legal field, but had enough business communications and public relations that there was enough crossover it worked. She’d admired you for how well you managed to tough it out in the world of lawyers, judges and criminal defence, you never shied away from things that were particularly tough, and never backed down when someone got tough with you. A late night of paperwork on her end had lead into a drink, which lead into a dinner a week later, and before either of you knew it, you were completely enamoured with each other.

Elizabeth doted on you like no tomorrow, she always made sure you had everything you needed, despite your protests that you were more than okay. She knew you could take care of yourself, it was just the way she showed her love, and you accepted that. It hadn’t taken long before she encouraged you to move into her brownstone and you’d gleefully accepted, you loved her more than anyone you ever had. And with both of your careers taking precedence, any waking moment spent together was a luxury, you were incredibly happy to wake up in her arms daily, and she was beyond thankful to be able to fall into yours each night.

Over the last couple of months you’d noticed that Liz had been a little bit more than preoccupied with work. Her hours seemed to be longer, she came home much later, sometimes after you were already in bed, and some mornings all she did was grab a coffee before taking off for the day. You gently reminded her you had the home office for a reason, to which she sighed softly and apologized for spending so much time away from you, reminding you that she loved you.

As your day came to an end, you could only hope that today wasn’t one of those days that Liz was caught at the office any later than either of you wanted. You were thankful for the fact that you were able to keep a locker at work, quickly changing into your running gear, your phone, keys and the minimal wallet you needed tucked into various hidden pockets. The run itself you were incredibly grateful for, the half hour was more than enough to clear your head, much more than the subway or town car you’d take otherwise, it was like your own little therapy session on the way home. As long as you had your run, anything trivial had left your mind by the time you got home and you wouldn’t waste your energy or time venting to Liz over something that didn’t matter.

You unlocked the door the brownstone, quietly stepping out of your shoes, your music still soaring into your ears as you caught your breath. In an attempt to rehydrated you headed to the back of the house, swiping a bottle of water from the fridge. Your head tilted at a sound echoing through the house, but you knew it was too early for Liz to be home, it was probably a house keeper, or you were crazy and it was something as little as the heater kicking in. Glancing through the fridge you decided on what you’d make for dinner in a bit before moving back through the house. The home office had a very wide archway of a doorway that spied into the entrance hall, ideally, it probably wasn’t the best room of the house to be the office, but it was set up like that when you moved in and you weren’t about to challenge Liz on it. You dropped down into the chair, flipping the laptop open to check through the couple of work emails your phone had buzzed with since you’d left. You were halfway through reading the first one when something caught your eye.

A flurry of movement through the entrance hall.

A swish of strawberry blonde hair.

A quiet swear as you pulled out one of your earbuds, your eyebrow quirking toward the movement.

You heard the front door open and shut as quietly as possible. You wouldn’t have even noticed it if you hadn’t pulled your earbud out. Your eyes glanced toward the staircase for a moment, your ears listening for further movement, but there was none, the house was silent except for your heart absolutely pounding in your chest. Silently, you closed the laptop, moving back across the brownstone, you quietly dropped yourself into the sofa, occupying yourself with your phone as you waited.

“Maria?” Liz’s voice called out from what you registered would be the top of the stairs, “I thought I told you not to come in today.” Her footsteps echoed down the staircase, your heartbeat increased with every soft thud, praying that your brain was trying to come up with some absurd situation. “You can go.” She stepped into your view, her head snapping toward you, a panicked look on her face, “y/n, what’re you doing home already?” You did your best not to jump to conclusions, holding your emotions at bay at the sight of Elizabeth in one of her silk robes.

“I finished early.” You replied, “but it appears you did too.” You pushed up from the couch, moving back to the kitchen to toss the now empty bottle into recycling.

“What on earth are you talking about sweetheart?” Elizabeth followed you, her heart thundering in her chest as she tried to put her words together calmly.

“You have a nice visit with Novak?” You asked, turning to face her, your arms crossing over your chest as you leant back against the counter.

“She’s having a tough time with this case, we were going over strategies.”

“Upstairs?! Liz I’m not a fucking idiot. I know you thought I wouldn’t notice you were acting so strange but you haven’t been yourself in weeks.”

“It’s not what you think it is.” She defended, her chest tightening with every moment that went by, watching the way your lip twitched as you pursed them.

“Oh okay. I guess it makes total sense as to why you’d be going over work stuff in the bedroom, you’re not even dressed Elizabeth! And calling Maria off? What? Didn’t want the housekeeper tattling to me? I hope she was worth it.” Swiftly moving through the room you pushed past her.

“She doesn’t mean anything.” She blurted and you froze, turning back to her with a baffled expression on your face.

“Out of all people, I thought you would have a little more fight in you.” You felt the tears building in your eyes, unsure if they were ones of rage or pain, “do you even care? Half the time I wonder if you’re even capable of love.” Turning your back on her you muttered as you moved through the room, “I should’ve listened when they said you were a stone cold bitch.”

“Y/N, wait.” She hurried after you, catching you when you were a foot up the stairs.

“For what!? You to come up with some cock and bull apology? Unless you have a completely feasible reason for why you were naked with Casey in our bedroom, I don’t want to hear it. All I ever did was love you…” your breath shuddered and you turned from her once again, you couldn’t let her see you cry, not right now.

“Y/n, please!” Elizabeth followed in your tracks as you jogged up the stairs, watching the way you wrenched a bag from within the closet, starting to fill it, “sweetheart, what on earth”-

“Don’t!” Your voice was shaky, but cold when you spoke, “you can’t possibly expect me to stay here can you? What am I supposed to do? Curl up next to you and tell you how much I love you in the same sheets you were with another woman on? I get that you don’t have a heart but you could at least use that brain of yours right now.” You shifted into the en suite bathroom, grabbing the necessities before throwing the bag over your shoulder.

“At least tell me where you’re going?”

“I…I don’t know…” your resolve cracked as you slipped past her onto the upstairs landing, tears beginning to sneak down your cheeks, “away…just away…from here, from you. I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Can we at least talk about this?” Her hand managed to circle around your wrist and the sudden contact made your body spark, your breath nearly catching in your throat as your bleary eyes shot up to hers. You were amazed to see a glistening in her own, a look of intense regret evident on her face.

“What on earth could you want to talk about?” You took a shaky breath, “how long have you been sleeping with her?”

Elizabeth sighed heavily, a hand running over her face as her breath shook, she regained whatever fight she had left in her before looking up at you once again.

“I never meant for this to happen, believe me. Casey was just…there…”

“Elizabeth. When?” Your voice was hard, your glare even harsher, and you ever only used her full name when you were upset or expressing a whirlwind of emotion, she knew she was done for.

“Just over a month.” She admitted, her gaze avoiding yours completely, unable to meet your eyes no matter how much she wanted. The hate radiating from them was one thing, it was the disappointment, the glimmer of love that you were so desperately trying to hide that stung the most. “I just…I never realized you could love more than one person this deeply at the same time.”-

“Love?” You cut her off, “are you fucking kidding me?! That’s worse! That’s so much worse! Do you not get that? I wouldn’t have cared if you had slept your way through all of Manhattan! But an emotional affair? One you purposelyhid from me? That fucking stings.” You wrenched your arm from within her grasp, swatting at her hands as she reached for you again, “don’t fucking touch me, you make me numb.”

“You can’t just run off like this y/n, where are you gonna go?”

“I don’t need you Elizabeth!” You practically yelled from halfway down the staircase, “I know you love to think that I do, to think that I won’t survive without your support or finances or whatever it is that you think makes you so fucking special. But I’m my own fucking woman, I have my own life. And as it turns out? I’m much better off with you being no fucking part of it.”

Before the other woman could even string together any words that would make sense you had thundered down the rest of the stairs and were gone out the front door. The slam of the wood echoing throughout the entire house. Elizabeth’s breath shook, a heavy sigh escaping her lips as she sunk down onto the stairs, burying her face within her hands. She knew she’d been in the wrong, that exploring anything outside of your relationship would hurt you, would potentially destroy the love that you’d shared. She’d simply thought that maybe…hopefully…she could work through it and figure everything out before you found out. Instead, she was left with the ringing silence of the brownstone, the echoing reminder that you were done with her, that there was no way you were about to forgive her for what she’d done. She surprised even herself as the tears started to slip over her cheeks, her cries catching in her throat. No matter what she tried to tell herself, she knew that you had been the love of her life, and now she’d gone and ruined it all.

She’d ruined you.

And she’d never be able to forgive herself for that.

_________ @charabs @bisexualcrowley @natasha-danvers @ineedafinghug @billiedeannovak @stardust-galaxies @randomthingssss @imlike-so-gaydude @thatesqcrush @altsvu @svulife-rl @svushots @gay-ass-bitch @lesbianspacecowboy @whimsicallymad @oliviaswifey @lawandorderimagines @infiniteoddball @delphineecormierr @laurenhope13 @mysticfalls01 @littlegaybabe @cmmndrwidw @bumblebear30 @enduringalexblake @molllss @wosoimagines @brienneseveruscalawayfanfiction @nocreditinthestraightworld @jj-arms @wannabe-fic-reader @infiniteoddball @delphineecormierr @australiancarisi @screenee @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld

#law and order svu #svu #storiesofsvuoneyearbingo #elizabeth donnelly #elizabeth donnelly x reader #elizabeth donnelly angst #elizabeth donnelly one shot #law and order svu fanfic #law and order

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