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#ed tw i think
n1ntendos · 1 month
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i wanted to get smth to eat from the fridge because im literally this closee to fcking ending it i just want to eat, i barely ate properly the whole day, and my mom tells me to close the fridge because i can't eat at night because i'll get fat
i fucking hate my stupid life seriously and this is the person i am terrified, worried of going against and living my own life without her control
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jewish-sideblog · 5 months
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During last year’s Chanukkah, I toured Yad Vashem. My tour guide ended with a story that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life.
A Jewish father and his son are held prisoner in Auschwitz— they are lucky, all things considered. Most Jews were gassed upon arrival. The Nazi guards instruct the prisoners that they have to dig mass graves for their fellow Jews every day. The father is appalled by this, of course, but he doesn’t have much choice. A week goes by, and the father and the son are subjected to horrors they could not have imagined before. The first Friday evening in Auschwitz, the father goes to his son and says, “I cannot work on Shabbat. I will not dig graves for Jews on Shabbat. For all my other reservations, I cannot do it, because the Talmud forbids it.” The son is barely fourteen, but he knows that if his father refuses to work, then his father will die. So he goes to meet another prisoner, a former Rabbi. The son pleads with the Rabbi to help his father see sense, and so the Rabbi and the son go together to meet with the father.
“The Talmud forbids us to work on Shabbat,” the Rabbi says, “but pikuach nefesh overrides Talmudic law when a life is in danger. Your life is in danger. Your son’s life is in danger. You are allowed to work on Shabbat.” The father begrudgingly agrees, and he saves his family’s life by digging mass graves on the day of rest.
A few months go by, and the Nazis are running low on food, so they start grinding pig hooves and guts into the slop that gets fed to the prisoners at Auschwitz. The father finds out about this and begins to starve himself. “G-d commands in the Torah us not to eat pork,” he says. The son, out of concern for his father, gets the Rabbi again. “Pikuach nefesh overrides the Torah as well as the Talmud. You must eat, for your life and for your son’s sake. Eat what is given to you. G-d will overlook violating kosher if it means surviving in a place like this.” So the father starts to eat what he is given.
Miraculously, the father and the son survive until winter. There’s never enough food for all the prisoners in Auschwitz to eat, and so there are frequent fights over scraps, but the most valuable thing in the slop is fat. Fat can keep you warmer in the winter, and it can be used to cover up and heal small injuries. If the Nazi guards noticed so much as a scratch on you, they would send you to the gas chambers that same day. Fat was gold in Auschwitz. At some point, the son noticed that the father had been ignoring food and collecting fat. He wasn’t trading it for scraps or favors, he was just keeping it. And he was starving to keep it. So once again, the son and the Rabbi approached the father.
“I’m turning it into a candle,” he said, “for Channukah.” The son and the Rabbi were appalled. The Rabbi said, “Channukah is a cultural holiday. It is not ordained by G-d. Neither the Torah nor the Talmud command you to celebrate it. Why in G-ds name would you sacrifice your food for that?” The father replied,
“You can live three days without water. You can live three weeks without food. But you cannot live three minutes without hope.”
The son and the Rabbi helped the father fashion wicks from rags and clothes, and helped steal small bits metal of metal off corpses and guards to make a spark. They lit Channukah candles in the middle of a Nazi concentration camp. The father and the son survived off of hope for the rest of that year, and they both lived to see the liberation of Auschwitz. The father died soon afterwards, but the son, Hugo Gryn, went on to become a Rabbi himself. In fact, the Rabbi of West London Synangoue, and the leader of the British Reform movement. He was described as the most beloved Rabbi in the country. He never lost sight of hope.
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birdnesthaired · 8 days
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As a person with ED this show just hits diffrent.
I get to eat and not feel the same old "im going to get fat" or "im stretching my stomach out for nothing"
I feel at peace making my own food and sitting down to eat.
I even look forward to meals,i haven't looked foreward to meals since i was 12.
Having both overweight and underweight characters who just exist,with no one commenting on it just makes me feel at peace with myself.
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lazylittledragon · 2 months
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a 2 act tragedy starring me: i’ve been making fruit smoothies in the morning for a few days which has been great because it’s getting me to actually eat fruit for once, only to go on the internet and be told that it apparently releases all the natural sugars so it's actually Not that great for you and i am devastated
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spkcoochie · 1 year
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i love interacting with strangers under the ED Tags
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gaypiratepropaganda · 4 months
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Izzy's apology in the finale seems to have taken some people by surprise. During the break between seasons, I tried a few times to politely bring up the fact that Izzy was technically abusing Ed. Not because I wanted anyone to stop liking him (you can like a character who's doing abuse! it's not real. who cares), but because I was worried about the reaction when season two came out. I love this show very much and I know how tumblr can get. Most importantly, I love fucked up fictional relationships and cannot abide people making these two boring. So here we go. (I also love lists)
First. Emotional abuse can occur in intimate relationships, family relationships like father and son, or in the workplace (Ed/Izzy triple threat!). Second, it has to be an ongoing thing. Someone doing one of these things once is not abuse. Abuse is a pattern of cruel and frightening behavior in order to control the victim.
(Don't feel bad if you didn't notice this stuff! It's relatively subtle and we're kind of trained to ignore and forgive it, especially from characters like Izzy. I wasn't 100% sure I was right about this either until season two confirmed it. I think a lot of people don't even know what emotional abuse is, at least where I live.)
Below are some pretty solid warning signs (this said "criteria" before but I changed it to be more accurate) for emotional abuse, followed by examples:
•Monitoring and controlling a person’s behavior, such as who they spend time with or how they spend money.
One of Izzy's main motivations in season one was trying to force Ed to act more like his image of Blackbeard. To achieve that, he bullied, belittled, and threatened Ed. He attempted to kill Stede because Ed was spending too much time with him and he felt that Stede was a bad influence.
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• Threats to a person’s safety, property, or loved ones
He tried to kill Stede (Ed's loved one) or get him killed several times. Once trying to get Ed to do it himself with the doggy heaven situation, once directly with the duel, and once by calling in the navy.
He didn't directly threaten Ed's safety until episode ten, but he did seem to have Ed convinced that the crew would kill him if Izzy wasn't there to protect him and then when Ed did things he didn't like, Izzy threatened to leave. It's indirect, but has the same result: Ed felt he was unsafe unless he did what Izzy wanted.
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• Isolating a person from family, friends, and acquaintances
Izzy seemed to keep Ed isolated from the crew, act as a go-between, and control their perceptions of each other to a certain extent. In the first few episodes, Ed was always shown alone in his goth cabin with Izzy as his only contact. When he started to make new friends Izzy tried to make him kill them.
After Izzy was banished, he secretly sent Ed's ex in to manipulate him and get him away from his new community. Then he got them all arrested, culminating in the deal he made with the English that would have made Ed his prisoner. Not sure that was on purpose, but it was so fucked up I had to mention it.
The bit that really got me, for some reason, was when Frenchie asked after Ed and Izzy told the crew he was sick.
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• Demeaning, shaming, or humiliating a person
Izzy is often shown berating Ed and yelling at him. The way Ed reacts suggests to me that he may be used to this kind of treatment from people in general, or from Izzy in particular. He never leaves or asks him to stop, he just takes it.
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• Extreme jealousy, accusations, and paranoia
He was so jealous of Ed's relationship with Stede that he got the literal military involved. His explanation to for why Ed enjoys spending time with Stede was that he has "done something to [Ed's] brain." Like, what magic powers do you think he has, Izzy?
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• Making acceptance or care conditional on a person’s choices
Izzy made it very clear that he would only support Ed if he conformed to the Blackbeard persona. He also seemed to have Ed convinced that there was no way he could survive without Izzy's support.
I just realized that if you subscribe to the headcanon that Izzy acts as a sort of caretaker to Ed (I do not) then all of this is way more fucked up.
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• Constant criticism, ridicule, or teasing.
In season one he criticized everything Ed did, all his plans, even while telling him to come up with more plans. He ridiculed Ed and called him names pretty often: "twat, namby-pamby, insane." Even in season two when he's doing better, most of their interactions consist of Izzy teasing and making fun of Ed for being mopey or in love.
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• Refusing to allow a person to spend time alone
I didn't think of this until now, but Izzy is often around when Ed thinks he's alone. He knows about things that happen in scenes he isn't in. Izzy's always sort of lurking, though? And he does it to everyone. So I'm not sure if we should count this one.
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• Thwarting a person’s professional or personal goals
He's ok about piracy related goals, but as soon as Ed tried to do something other than that he got so weird about it. "This crew is so talented, why are we even being pirates?" is what got Izzy to threaten Ed. Which is interesting because he was fine with the retirement idea before, when he thought he'd get to be captain.
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• Instilling feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness 
"insane unpleasant shell of a man merely posing as blackbeard." "I should have let the English kill you. This... whatever it is you've become is a fate worse than death."
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• Gaslighting: making a person question their competence and even their basic perceptual experiences.
He called Ed insane and implied that the crew would mutiny if he wasn't there to stop them. This is clearly untrue, as we were already shown that his method of "massaging the crew" consisted of calling Ed half insane and pulling Fang's beard even though Fang hates that. The fact that he calls Ed insane more than once while at the same time trying to get him to act more insane seems like basic gaslighting to me. Then again, Izzy's definition of "insanity" may be like, depression, crying, showing emotions, loneliness, and enjoying softness.
[can't find a gif of this so just imagine Ed in the gravy basket with Hornigold saying "you're worried you're insane."]
Something that wasn't on this specific list but is generally considered part of emotional abuse is manipulation: the use of indirect tactics to change someone's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors in an attempt to influence them for personal gain.
I think Izzy often tries to be manipulative. He's not the greatest at it, but it's the thought that counts. He manages to be surprisingly successful through persistence and repetition.
He's got Ed convinced from the first time we see them that he is useless as a captain without Izzy. That's why Ed feels like he needs him. He tells him that the only thing standing between Ed and a crew constantly on the brink of mutiny is Izzy. Then he tells him that he will leave if he can't live up to his expectations.
He has a pattern of lying to Ed or not telling him the whole truth. He threatens him directly and indirectly in an attempt to influence him and control his behavior. He wants power, whether he gets it by becoming a captain when Ed retires or by making sure Ed remains powerful by any means necessary.
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this is what he was apologizing for, along with the years of being terrible to Ed before Stede came into the picture. I never expected him to admit it so clearly like that. He fed Ed's "darkness," poked at his trauma for so long because he needed Blackbeard. It was something they did together, and he enjoyed Blackbeard's dominance and cruelty.
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Of course there are other things that can be part of this kind of abuse, like infantilization, silence, and harassment. There are more examples of abusive behavior from Izzy at the start of season two, especially in the scene where Ed's asking Izzy to kill him. but I am not ready to get into that right now.
Anyway, Ed and Izzy's storylines in season two only make sense to me with this in mind. Ed is recovering from not only the suicide attempts but also this fucked up situation he was in, whether he realizes it or not. Izzy learns to stop being such a shitboy and admits he was wrong. ~growth~
if you interpret their relationship differently that's obviously fine. but I think this is the most interesting interpretation, as well as what was intended. It's no fun for me when people make them both equally awful to each other. I like it better as it is in the show: Ed fighting back against Izzy's emotional abuse with physical violence, which only ends up traumatizing him further. It's such a unique and fascinating story.
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rogueddie · 1 year
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eddie recognizing steves bad eating habits, the restriction, and working very hard to fight against it. getting the very specific food that steve can't resist, constantly reminding him how attractive eddie finds him no matter what. lighting up with joy the first time he spots steve eyeing his little bit of tummy without disgust. struggling not to tackle steve and drown him in love when he talks about seeing a nutritionist and losing his little bit of fat in a healthy way.
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celluloidbroomcloset · 5 months
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OK, since we're arguing about this: the scene in "The Art of Fuckery" where Izzy challenges Stede to a duel.
The progression of the scene seems pretty clear, but to note—Stede and Ed come onto the main deck. They applaud the crew—Ed says that the fuckery "scared the pants off me" and then compliments the Swede on his voice. Stede tells them all how proud he is. Then:
Izzy: Stede Bonnet, draw your weapon. Ed: No, Izzy, we're not doing this. Izzy: No, you're not doing this, so I must.
Of note here: no one has drawn on anyone yet. Stede has not accepted a challenge nor has Izzy yet directly issued one. Ed interferes immediately and tells Izzy, quite clearly, "We're not doing this."
Now, could Ed directly order Izzy to stand down? Yes, but he seems surprised that Izzy is going against his orders already, and there's every chance that another order won't make a difference. Izzy has decided that Ed's not going to kill Stede. Ed is telling him no, and Izzy is acknowledging the order and then saying he knows best. You can't be more explicit about the fact that he's going against his captain's orders.
From the moment Stede accepts the challenge, Ed steps back, but he makes it very clear that he's on Stede's side: "Stede, be careful, he does know his shit."
The whole scene proceeds with Ed withdrawing further and further, at the end unable to even watch Stede being run through. But his lack of interference does not at all indicate a lack of caring—there are a number of reasons he doesn't interfere, not the least of them being that a challenge has been issued and accepted, and him getting into the center of it would shame Stede and undermine him to his crew (there's a lot to be said about shame and honor on this show, but I'm not doing it here).
The other element is that Ed has just relived the trauma of his father's murder, including the violence that his father (an angry white man) perpetrated against his mother, leading to Ed attacking and killing him. Ed is now watching someone else he cares about, with whom he has shared the absolute darkest part of him, in danger of pain and death from another angry white man. The moment Stede is actually hurt by a cut to the shoulder is the moment that Ed starts to dissociate, and by the time Stede is disarmed, he turns away completely. He clings to the rigging, he hides his face, he starts swaying back and forth.
The positioning of Izzy, Ed, and Stede is almost identical to the positioning of Ed watching his father beat his mother—Izzy on the left of the frame, Stede on the right, Ed between them, unable to move or respond (covering his ears, hiding his face). Stede has already been associated with Ed's mother via the red silk and the tenderness with which he has treated Ed, and he's now apparently defenseless against the man who wants to hurt him, over whom Ed now has no apparent authority. Ed has returned to the helpless child, seeing a scene unfold before him that mirrors the trigger for his most traumatic experience, the thing that drove him to piracy in the first place.
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But sure. It's about fucking protocol.
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goleanongirl · 7 months
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Downloaded a fasting app and started doing it, for now fasting drop 8 pm to 9 am even tho it's not always convenient giving my uni schedule but still
I also will try to simply eat better, not necessarily less but better quality at least
Uni is killing me
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x--ana-x · 1 month
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Damn why did I eat
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“i just don’t understand.”
i know you don’t. you never will. no one ever does.
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uncanny-tranny · 2 months
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It actually does bother me that eating is treated like spending money - that you have an allotted allowance in the form of calories that you are supposed to budget.
"How are you spending your calories?" I'm spending them on experiences. I'm spending them on time with my community, my people, those who matter to me. I'm spending them on satiating a human need. I'm spending them on the feeling of being alive and not just living.
If there is one experience that I don't want to "pay" for, it's the basic human right of comfort, security, community, and care.
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carrymelikeimcute · 5 months
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I feel like if Izzy had made Stede stab him for his own (sexual?) gratification, at gunpoint, we'd be seeing posts calling him a rapist, is all I'm saying.
Because literally everything he does, short of breathing, gets spun in the worst possible way until you'd not even sure you're watching the same show.
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lazylittledragon · 9 months
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don't you love when you Just stopped feeling guilty about eating the things you like and then one of your parents drops the "i'm concerned about your diet"
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sunnibits · 2 months
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loving reminder as someone who struggles with food: you are allowed to add joy to your food. you are allowed to add a little joy even if it’s a tiny thing, something silly or something weird. you are allowed to do it whenever you want, as many times as you want. anything that makes food easier and more enjoyable for you is worth it!! it’s your food, you can decide what to do with it!! you can add rainbow sprinkles to your ice cream. you can cut your food into little heart shapes. you can pack your snacks into cute little bento boxes. it is not pointless or childish, it is an effective and active coping tool that you are allowed to use.
give yourself a little joy. the little things add up.
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ilovethebittertaste · 3 months
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when i was 14 my ugw was 50 POUNDS what the fuck was i on
i wanted to die apparently
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