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your-local-grinning-cat · 10 days

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The Ultimate Compilation Callout

Hey Guys! AR OOC once again to say I am 100% done.

I'm done with this. I thought it was finally dying down and the drama was finally getting to be over with but then she came back and is now trying to say that we are the ones in the wrong. And she is STILL trying to blame Leona's mod when, as both @/castaway-achlys and I have stated numerous times at this point, they were asleep during the entire event. They did not ask for us to defend them. We were both just tired of hearing our friend be exhausted and stressed out by her.

And the fact that so many people have come out to give their own experiences of her being rude and cruel to them just proves this is not a singular event.

I'm putting all this under a cut because it's gonna get long guys. In fact, I’m probably going to end up needing to create a couple reblog chains to get it all out.

But I'm done playing nice. I have all the receipts. Like I went allllll the way back to when the discord was first created. I caught her in her first lie.

Which, coincidentally, her very first lie in the Discord server happened on the very first day it was formed. What a way to start.

I call her the Malleus mod as an identifier in these screenshots, because unlike her, I am not petty enough to reveal peoples’ personal information on the internet just because I don’t like them.

HOWEVER. I will remind everyone that she is not JUST the owner of the Malleus account. Even if you don’t want to look under the read more because there are a LOT of receipts, know that these are all her known blogs.

I do not condone harassment. Harassment is basically what started all this. Just block and go.

Malleus Draconia @/therealmalleusdraconia

Falena Kingscholar @/the-falena-kingscholar

Aijuka (A Leona gf OC) @/the-one-aijuka

Jack Howl @/frosh-jack-howl

Fellow Honest @/fellow-honest

Meleanor Draconia @/meleanor-draconia

Baul Zigvolt @/baul-zigvolt

Sebek’s Mother @/thethickestone

Marja Felmier @/marja-felmier

And her latest: Eric Venue @/ericvenue

(Bonus non-rp blog @/thetwistedminds)

Before we get too far into it I will say there is a slight color code! But only a tiny one!

Gross light green color - look at that lie! 👀

Gross darker green color - a lie is revealed! 🤭

Orange - note the date/time! 🗓️⏰

Let me show you what I mean in the lie I’ve already mentioned - her very first one. :)

There we have the orange, telling you to note the date. That’s because I was wanting to make sure it was known that the pet posts were made on the same date that the discord was created.

And then we have the gross light green around Malleus mod claiming that this bunny is her bunny and that it was her bunny’s birthday recently.

Now here is the follow up with the gross darker green of a lie revealed. 😌

And there we have it! The color coding system and her very first lie told the very first day the Discord channel was active and easily disproven with an image search.

Now let’s get into the FUN STUFF! /sarc

We’re going to be doing some rehashing here but I’m also going to probably be including some new things so stay with me folks! This’ll be a ride! Buckle up!

So, originally I was thinking I'd start with the current drama. But considering that a lot of that has already been covered and what hasn't been covered needs more context, I'm just going to keep going in chronological order, I guess.

I've been up for over 24 hours compiling receipts, editing them to protect IDs, and then getting them all sorted so let's finally do this so I can pass out!

First up is something that actually has been covered a bit but I'm going to expand on it slightly - her blatant lie to @/elysia-nsimp (I'm not tagging anyone because I'm not forcing anyone to get notifications on this lmao).

Here's what everyone has already seen. But to expand on the event, we didn't call her out on her bad behavior, even though we probably should have as she had just lied straight to another mod's face about her blog ownership. I simply DM'd the mod in question privately to make sure they were okay and then tried to keep the peace in the main chat.

Because, believe it or not with this major callout post, I don't generally like confrontation. But I stepped in there for Elysia and I stepped up during this for Leona's mod.

Now, later that night, she posts this as if nothing had happened and she hadn't just been told that she needed to work on her roleplaying skills:

Uh huh. Sure. That's your last account. Because you have shown so much self-control when it comes to filling character voids within the twst rp community already. I'll be generous and give you a month before you break.

Now these next ones need a tiny bit of background information and a note: the Malleus mod is German and, as far as we know, lives in Germany. These next pictures are little indicators that she has not experienced the United States at all. These indicators may not seem important now, but they will be in just a little time. So keep them in mind for after the pause.

You cannot tell me anyone who has spent any length of time in the United States has not at least heard of Walmart.

Quick pitstop to say wow! You didn't even make it a month! Congratulations!

Also, note the question from the admin and the pretty obvious passive aggressiveness from me. We were sending plenty of hints that they needed to stop - sometimes coming outright and saying it, sometimes simply implying. Either way, we were all ignored.

She says she's not a mind reader. Well, apparently she's just not a reader period.

Now... a bit of an oddball here. And I want to say I do not necessarily think this is a lie. I am including it for a lie that is coming. The one that I included all those America comments for.

I'm sure you will note that I said that I don't "necessarily think" it's a lie - indicating that I do think it could be a possibility. That would be correct.

She has been lying since day one and, after this doozy of a story I'm about to share with you, I honestly don't know what to believe when it comes to her.

So.. to sum this up...

We went from a cringe ask from an OC account that she didn't want to answer -> the asker wasn't supposed to be on tumblr because they were underage (???) and was trying to date her irl and somehow had all of her information (oh but don't worry guys she deleted the ask!) -> he found her social media accounts and sent her NSFW pictures and started spam liking, demanding pictures of her kids, sent pictures of her at-the-time boyfriend, sent pictures of his family and his kids -> so she blocked him on everything and then started spam creating the rp accounts to see if he did it with other people or if it was just her (...mmmhmmm...) but nope he was only interested in Malleus -> she then apparently moved to America for a bit to crash with her boyfriend because this underage person went to Germany to find he.

Oh, by the way, why was this guy obsessed with her? Oh, he was obsessed with German women. He decided that all German women were pretty. And she's German-Russian! And Russians have intense standards for women you know! After this guy found out she was German AND Russian, I mean... it was only a matter of time before he upped his game to try to find her!

Guys, she's not saying she's too beautiful for her own good - the underage stalker speaks for itself!

Now, since this stalker found her through her Malleus account and was obviously very determined, you would think the first course of action would be to, ya know, delete the Malleus blog. Right?

No, no, no! Then she would have to start all over and, of course, if she switched accounts she would be forced to make a post on her current blog saying what her new blog is and he would just find her there. That's why she's trying to make her other accounts more active than her Malleus account (her Malleus account was still, by far, before all this happened, the most popular of all her rp blogs)!

Can I also mention that in that post announcing her pregnancy ON HER MALLEUS ACCOUNT WHERE SHE SUPPOSEDLY HAS A STALKER, she had tagged ALL OF HER BLOGS AT THE TIME?

But yes, Malleus mod. I definitely believe your story. :)

Please. Please tell me you all can understand why I just cannot find it in me to trust a single word coming out of this woman's mouth.

Especially now that during this whole drama, she has been lying through her teeth and trying to pin the entire blame on Leona's mod.

Now this part is nearly over (thank whatever gods anyone believes in) but let's just post the last few of the "before drama happened" pictures, shall we?

...I'm realizing I didn't underline the part where I called her out for having that many blogs in the gross dark green of a lie caught... oops. This is what happens when you have far too little sleep.

But either way, here is another time when she was called out on a lie of hers. And her little comment at the end means she read it and she acknowledged us.

She just didn't care because it didn't suit her.

~~~~~~

ALRIGHT!

THAT'S THE END OF PART ONE!

Yeah. This is going to come out in PARTS. I can't cover it all in one post because there is a picture limit.

So, I'm going to end up making a reblog chain...

Eventually.

Real talk? I need to sleep. Desperately. It's nearly two in the afternoon where I am and I have not slept yet.

Do not underestimate the power of spite and my loyalty to my friends. Both are very strong motivators.

But my body's needs are finally winning.

When I wake up, I'll have the Ultimate Drama Arc to post and expand upon and then the Return of the Drama Arc.

Yay. (said in the most unenthused voice ever lmao)

Anyway. Enjoy all this. I'm gonna go die. /j

#I am SO DONE #seeing what she posted?#seeing how she tried to turn this around on us?#No.#ar speaks #ar speaks ooc #twst rp #call out post #callout post #PART ONE #HELPPPPP

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silkkorchid · 1 month

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What went down in TWST rp in a week-

4/20 - 4/26

This week is dedicated to @the-lord-of-malevolence soon departure from roleplaying. Take care!

NRC Book Club has their birthday this week! A bunch of congratulations has been given!

There is a wedding. BETWEEN THE NRC PROPHET AND THE BOOK CLUB’S BROTHER!?

NRC Prophet is trying to adopt Rolly, Ruggie’s daughter. And he isn’t considering a certain parent involvement.

NRC Pride club light replace the NRC Therapist with this advice they are giving.

NRC Pride club is sponsoring the prom that is happening in NRC.

NRC host club finally making normal food for once?!

NRC garden club mod 🌺 is confirm to be the richest one in that club due to his parents owning the most popular opera in Queendom of Roses.

NRC Clubs are planning to make an otome game with them in it.

Who brought weapons to NRC?

Crowley got 3 children that he neglects like the students in NRC

Professor Crewel is gonna use the weekly update to keep tabs on his students. ALSO HOW MANY DO YOU PROPLE KNOW THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE!?

Professor Crewel loosing his shit, congrats.

Lucius holding a poll to try to start a rebellion towards Crowley in order for him to leave his office…

Lucius dropped the f bomb 27 times. Don’t tell professor Trein about it-

Lucius still being a savage towards everyone. + calling Sebek a Karen

Trey broke the 4th wall

Hungry Heartslabyul students are out for blood due to someone rearranging the kitchen, which made Trey unable to cook or bake.

It’s now confirm from Deuce, he got a plushie addiction of chickens.

Cater is now slapping cheese on people.

Rory needs to calm down with the confetti canons. That’s gonna be a pain to clean up…

Cat!Rolly and Lucius are currently doing a cat fight with each other…

Scar just got transported into Savannaclaw… and knock out the shit of Leona and Malleus. Plus their magic pens broke… THANKS RUGGIE FOR THE UPDATE!

Shit went down in Savanaclas that I will not say.

Leona is asking Che’nya what would their names be IF they get married.

Ruggie is having a hard time this week…

Ruggie and Silver did a platonic kiss. according to Ruggie. I’m so ded aren’t i?

Ruggie is gonna overblot sooner or later thanks to the blot drop.

Leona questioning if Silver and Ruggie are in a relationship. THE ANSWER IS NO

Azul being attacked and his mom is asking for no violence.

Azul is gonna be so grounded when he gets back home for the break. (Mrs. Ashengrotto is not happy 😃)

Epel is gonna be dead from Vil due to him making so much (failed attempt of )cornbread. Plus Epel consuming so much carbs.

Idia is giving pipe bombs and grenades.? SOMEBODY KNOCK OUT IDIA THIS INSTANT!

Another Vil has joined the battle-

Rook is dying from laughter thanks to Che’nya.

Also Idia ate an alive grenade…

It’s now confirm. Idia is a whale in genshin. (it was obvious but hey it’s confirm now)

Idia now has someone that loves him??? PLUS IDIA GOT KNOCKED OUT FROM BEING KISSED

Idia has been hit by EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

Ah yes, some of Sebek embarrassing childhood stories is being told by Alce due to Yuu request.

Sebek just drop someone on their face the moment they gave back his jacket.

Sebek tried to drown Donnie for no apparent reasons.?

Silver’s magic pen went bye bye 👋 (by kaboom)

Sebek loosing his shit

Malleus is at it with the accidental flirting.

General Lilia was a dumb kid back then!

The boys future children overblotted and other stuff.

Rollo regrets opening his inbox after the NRC Prophet said he gonna die in 36 years + 8 months.

The Rosehearts family is in shambles.

AR for Che’nya is about to punch Leona in the face soon-

Che’nya is still being the menace to NRC

blind0raven is in trouble for something.

@blind0raven being bullied by Che’nya for their love to Deuce

@quartztwst getting a trophy for being a huge simp

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #disney #twistedwonderland #🍮 speaking #disney twst #twst rp #twst rp weekly update #twst wonderland

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therealloopylupin2099 · 3 months

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Rp facts :D ( it’s so long )

so wanna share some lore with you guys about the big guy spider ^^

Spider: Miguel’s wild,instinct driven side of his brain that comes out. Tell tale signs that it’s him is the retinas changing black and red.Originally they were pure white when he first woke up from the machine that spliced them together in the machine. The spider that was spliced into him, was an experimental one that had a few other spiders in its dna. Wolf spider,jumping spider, and another spider (I already forgot the other one lol). One of the spiders were female.. which means he’s 1/5 female XD!

Originally, they couldn’t talk. like AT ALL! the first word they spoke before Miguel “woke up” was AAAAAROOOOOONN” (comic lore ovo). It was found out that it comes out when Miguel is stressed,hurt,overwhelmed, or upset. (Fun)

It learned speech by listening to everyone around it. The way it talks, it has a speech impediment. The S and Ts are snake sounding or hiss like. Which is the contrast how Miguel talks. When the serum doesn’t work right (it gets blown through very quickly if it’s angered too much), it gets a little.. quirky ( rip Bowe’s jewls). And speech becomes harder for them before they just make spider noises like they originally did or tapping in spider. But when that happens he just shortens everyone’s names to nicknames to make it easier. (Furry spider >:3) the nicknames are either what it sees,touches,or color. Like Lyla. She’s orange lady. myla is purple guy.

It likes building nests. It’s for resting or protecting himself or others (vi and others he said he was sorry-)

collecting things is another instinct that it has,where it stores objects (or people) in webs and guards it.

The spider purr.. it’s more like vibrations but think of it as a cat

The beans.. he has beans because yes.

Its fears are about the same as Miguel’s but its true fear: Cicadas. ( COUGH BOWE COUGH)

It CANT WORK TECHNOLOGY! like it’s the embodiment of “WAIT SPONGEBOB WERE NOT CAVEMEN! WE HAVE TECHNOLOGY! * smashes computer with rock* it didn’t work”

But it figured out how to mimic Miguel in that aspect. It just taps things to the equivalent of button mashing to work stuff and hopes and prays it works. If not,it just throws it.

and just like Miguel. It hates loud noises. No they aren’t a venom varient (although their dna was scanned to make Spider side( more comic lore woo!)

It HATES needles. Alchamax also. And it’s very light sensitive and sound sensitive, so loud sounds for them and Miguel are a NO (no there not a venom but carnage made sound hell)

Rats. He really likes rats. They were his friends in captivity, and they trust them. But sometimes they wind up eating them if they’re mean (ah nature).. don’t be surprised if Miguel gifts you a rat or names them,that’s just how spider is

Now for a really cute nicknames he gave Gabe that might never be used because nobody wanted them to reunite (granted I originally planned on him dying but now i want him and Miggy back together) : Gab Gab and the other nickname: Goggles

And funny thing: the red dot 🔴 chasing was him because it looked like a smaller bug (cat code)

and the kneading.. spiders knead (I think)

Now the question: if there are things invading the body ( carnage,venom,sickness,ect) what happens? Well if the invasive things in the body are alive, then spider either “hides” away and the “personality” takes over,or he winds up bonding with them. Poor Miguel though..

Now if it’s sickness. They do what Miguel does: ignore it until it can’t be ignored.

that’s all for now on spider.. sorry it’s its long lol

#into the spider verse #miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #spider person #lore dump #lore post

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ticklish-n-stuff · 7 months

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Hello! I LOVE your writing! If you're still accepting prompts for tickletober, may I please request (bsd) Lee! Fyodor and ler! Dazai (romantic preferably, but whatever's easier for you) with day 18, magic?

Dazai can cancel Fyodor's ability, making him the only one who can touch Fyodor without dying. I have a headcanon that every time Dazai touches Fyodor in a certain, very light way, Fyodor will feel a tingly sensation wherever Dazai touches him as a result of their abilities interacting with each other. Usually, it's just a bit tingly, but it gets very ticklish when Dazai does things like poking, rubbing, tracing etc.

When the two are having a sappy romantic moment (not often, let's be honest XD), Dazai will be a little shit and place his hands on Fyodor's neck/jaw before kissing him, making Fyodor all giggly and flustered. For a more platonic scenario, Dazai is (just like before XD) being a little shit and he thinks it's funny when Fyodor loses his cool. So he quickly grabs Fyodor's hands, causing Fyodor to do a full-body shiver and try to yank his hand back, but since Dazai is stronger than him, he's stuck there, forced to endure the tickles until Dazai thinks he's had enough.

Sorry if this is long, feel free to decline. Have an awesome day!

Tickletober day #18: Magic

Hsjdhskhdjsh I hope this is okay, writing a russian rat and suicide maniac together is quite challenging and after the latest season, I have a hard time visualizing them as romantic partners

I am a Dazai x Sigma believer ✌️

___________________________________________

Fyodor x Dazai (interpret as you wish)

Lee: Fyodor

Ler: Dazai

Warnings: Tickles!

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“You’re not so scary now, are you?~” Dazai teased, having pulled Fyodor onto his lap with ease and more importantly, without getting obliterated in the process thanks to his special ability.

“And look, I can even touch you all I want~” and just like that, Dazai’s hands started to playfully roam all over Fyodors torso.

Being touched like this was foreign to him, to say the least, but he didn’t plan on it to feel so damn ticklish!

“Oh, what’s this? Did I hit a sensitive spot?~” Dazai whispered teasingly close to the russian male’s ear, causing him to jolt upright.

“Tch, I don’t get sensitive” Fyodor let out a huff, trying to cover up the laughter that threatened to spill out of his lips. How foolish of him to think that Dazai would just leave it there, it is Dazai, after all. He thrives on other’s misery.

“Then surely you won’t mind if I do this, right?~” there was an evil smirk on Dazai’s face as his bandaged fingers found their way under Fyodor’s shirt, making sure to touch every inch of his torso.

“Mph!” his eyes instantly shut tight at the growing sensation, trying to squirm away from the offender, but he was too weak when in such a vulnerable pisition.

“C’mon, y’know you wanna laugh~” Dazai’s index finger poked it’s way to Fyodor’s navel, earning a startled gasp from the latter.

“Gah! Pfft! Ahahahaha! Dazai nohoho!” the damn finally broke and Fyodor’s laughter echoed across the room. His pale cheeks quickly turning tomato red as he tried and failed to control his reactions. How embarrassing! Someone so feared being brought down with something so childish, and yet, it didn’t feel all that bad to be touched so gently. Not like Fyodor would admit it out loud, but knowing Dazai, he already has an idea.

“Better get comfy ‘cause I won’t stop for a looong while!~” and thus, Dazai kept softly yet consistently tickling all over Fyodor’s belly and sides. Feeling like he was on cloud 9 for hearing such genuine laughter for once from this man. Even if neither voiced their enjoyment of this moment, it was pretty clear to anyone the giddy expressions they both wore.

___________________________________________

Update: After doing a very crack rp of me playing as Fyodor, I can say I believe in FyoZai love LMAO

#augtickletober2023 #tickletober2023 #bsd #bsd tickle #bsd tickle fic #fyodor dostoevsky #dazai osamu #lee!fyodor #ler!dazai

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alienssstufff · 9 months

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yes please share more oc art, i was just thinking the other day i'd like to see more of that planet jabberwock guy :3c

WHWH GLADLY!!! My boy has been through so much ;w; [first concepts here]

These two (Usagi and Cthulu) are the guys I rp as. Usagi was sent from the planet Jabberwock to Earth (as he calls: The Blue Marble) on a mission undisclosed. Cthulu is also there - she is very small and managed to sneak into the ship he was put in last minute... She is also the brains of the team now that Usagi has amnesia.

THINGS LEARNT ABOUT USAGI: -Autism be damned. My son can make a BLT sandwich -He has unexplained psychic powers that fuck with the lights (this is the least of his problems) -He loves the sea. -He fears nothing. -He drowned once. -He has amnesia. -He has complicated feelings with his identity -He has PTSD -He has OCD -These things combined he has this weird thing with another dude on the island where he keeps seeing that guy everywhere and Usagi does NOT like that and is openly trying to kill that other dude now. -Every night Usagi experiences the Terrors where he repeatedly relives his dying moments where he's mistaken that other dude for killing him in his previous life (hindsight very stupid, fucked up on a psychological level). -From the amnesia also he can no longer communicate with Cthulu properly and it's up to her to reteach him how -There are several Biblical references in his writing but that is a whole other can of worms. -Goddamned Apples. -His favourite animal (other than Cthulu) is the killer whale :]

... And we've only just started Chapter 2!

#ask stufff #stufffsart #danganronpa #danganronpa oc #fanganronpa #original character #oc #id show some of the other peeps i made fanart for in another post maybee idk :3 #stufff rambles

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modernzai · 1 month

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Hmm, my name is Dazai, Dazai Osamu. I decided to check this website out because apparently a lot of the other students are on here too, so I wondered if this could cure my boredom. And anyways, if I get a chance to annoy my dearest friends Kunikida and Chuuya, who am I to refuse? I don't mind others asking me stuff too though, I'll take any chance to stir up trouble~

[OOC- hihihi, mod here, @kaiserkisser is my main blog. ive been dying to make a rp blog for ages so here i am ksadfhjskg anyways dazai my beloved <3 there is a more than 50% chance of me messing up the reblogs by doing it from either kaiserkisser or chuuya-kisser

mod uses she/they, and dazai uses he/they. no nsfw please, because i am a minor. very light suggestive stuff is ok, although not preferred. if i am uncomfortable with answering something, i will not answer it. ooc stuff will be in brackets like this: [ooc-... ]

also, mod is one of the biggest possible soukoku shippers, so this blog will be mostly skk-centric when relating to ships :D apart from that, im also alright with kunizai and kunichuzai, theyre cute <3 you can interact with ur own ships too, as long as they are legal, but they might not always receive the response you expect.

about this au: here, dazai is a first year college student, freshly 18. its a, well, modern au lmao so like, no abilities etc, just normal school. well, as normal as it can get with dazai around. naturally, it wouldnt be dazai if he didnt love to annoy the shit out of people and be smart but dumb af. i hc that he's actually good at chemistry and computers idk why.

please note: bsd itself has a number of sensitive/ heavy topics, and while this is a modern au, its still dazai here. so there might be occasional dazai-typical suicide mentions.

uhm anyways im also a bit nervous when it comes to starting interactions so pls dont mind me! id love to interact with yall <3 follow backs from kaiserkisser bc this is a sideblog]

creds: dividers by cafekitsune, all other pics from bsd mayoi

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd rp #bsd roleplay #bungo stray dogs rp #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai rp

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rpedia · 3 months

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[Ask RPedia] Writing Panic Attacks?

@twodemigodtraveleroflorien asked: Any advice on how to RP a character having a panic attack

Sure! As usual, ‘show don’t tell’ is gonna be big here. By that, I mean describe what is going on through connected ideas, not straightforward ones. When someone is in love they smile, and gaze, and touch. When someone is angry they sneer. When someone is scared they sweat, and triple check nothing is behind them. Don’t ever just say ‘Mary was scared’ unless it’s a stylistic choice to give a certain feel to your writing. Pick it consciously as what your story needs, or not at all.

Beyond that, panic attacks can hit in a ton of different ways. We’ll get into this below, and describe not only panic attacks, but some methods on how to help them. If you’re sensitive to this material, please don’t walk in knowingly, fuck yourself up, and have a bad day. I love you kids too much for that. Also remember this is for roleplay, I will be discussing the awkward as fuck things, like “picking which symptoms match your character” and “using panic attacks in plot.”

Writers, amirite? (Please only continue if you’re in the mental space for it! It can get graphic and triggering. Take breaks as needed.)

To reassure my readers, yes, I have had panic attacks an awful lot. So I can actually speak from experience for once. But only my experience, so give me some slack if yours hits you differently, or if I don’t nail it. Give other writers that slack too, and don’t think one size fits all will ever work here. Give them the benefit of the doubt, so long as they make a decent effort. No one needs their panic attacks nitpicked, it’s either from personal experience or to further the plot. Do either of those things really need someone telling them right at that moment they’re not doing it right? If they’re just making a mockery of it OOCly, go ahead and rip ‘em with facts. ICly, well, Jan. It’s supposed to be problematic, that’s a plot hook for character growth. If it bugs you, communicate that OOCly you’d like to move on.

So anyways, let’s just waltz right into the thick of it. According to the diagnostic criteria listed in the DSM-5, panic attacks are experienced as a sudden sense of fear and dread plus four or more of the following mental, emotional, and physical symptoms:

Heart palpitations or accelerated heart rate

Feelings of numbness or tingling sensations

Excessive sweating

Trembling or shaking

Shortness of breath or smothering sensations

Feeling of choking

Chest pain or discomfort

Nausea or abdominal pain

Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint

Chills or hot flashes

Derealization and/or depersonalization

Fear of losing control or going crazy

Fear of dying

So immediately we realize, not everyone’s panic attacks are going to be the same thing. Some people get their heart beating a mile a minute, and feel like they’re miles away, are scared they’ll die, and be afraid they’ll lose control. Some people will have aggressive chest pains, start sweating and shaking, then feel like they’re going to pass out, choke, and vomit at the same time. Can you see why those would present differently in a roleplay, or how they’d fit different character models better, or even the outcomes of these on different personalities? That’s important to the writer right there. You have to understand your character and how they would experience fear, and sensations that are unpleasant, and which ones they’re feeling.

The only thing that is solidly in every panic attack is that sudden feeling of dread or fear. People who have not had one can relate to it, honestly. Have you ever turned off the lights in your bathroom or some dark spooky hallway and suddenly felt like something was in there? Then you have to fucking run before the thing gets you, or turn on a light to check, and the hairs rise on your neck and your eyes open up wide enough to suck in every photon of light for miles because suddenly your brain wants the power to see in the dark? Yeah. That creeping feeling of being prey is the dread and fear. Yes, people may feel these differently. Fear is not exactly one size fits all. But this is a pretty good start to understanding the drop of an ‘oh fuck’ barreling down on you from behind.

Myths abound on panic attack causes, but the truth is simple. Sometimes, they happen because something triggered it, but a lot of the time there is no trigger. Your body just decides to fuck you over because that seems like a great idea right now. You can’t even really avoid them by sleeping. That’s right, you can get panic attacks while dead asleep. That’s so thoughtful of them, they don’t want you miss out, I say in the most sarcastic voice ever.

The good thing is, no, you can’t die from a panic attack or be ‘driven insane’,and no they aren’t just you overreacting to fear or pain. They aren’t even always part of a panic disorder (other disorders bring them to the party too). The good news is, although they suck rancid eggs, they can be managed. If you treat some of the underlying causes, you can help lessen them over time.

What disorders are linked? Oh boy, that’s a hell of a list. Anxiety disorders are a big one, agoraphobia, OCD, depression, Bipolar disorder. They all like to invite panic attacks with them. Other fun party guests are eating disorders, personality disorders, and substance-related conditions. Heck, GERD, IBS, and sleeping disorders are also friends with panic attacks. So while writing your character, look at what might be the underlying cause of it. Whatever building blocks you pick end up visible in not only panic attacks you decided to throw in to make the scene worse, but a constant background noise to their lives.

That’s one of the important things you need to remember. If you choose to give your character a condition like the above, there’s a couple rules that make this go over a lot better with the community. Let’s look at them.

Do not only use it to get attention. It may be plot relevant, but if it comes up every single time the spotlight is off you, it gets old quick. This is a shitty medical thing, not your golden ticket to being fussed over.

Do not use the disorder as their only personality. You have a character who happens to have and live with the disorder, not a walking form of the disorder who happens to have some character stuck in there.

Do not use it to only have good things happen. Realistically, you may get a panic attack at the worst time ever and fuck everything up. Don’t make it a ‘get out of jail free’ card, balance it with bad timing and bad outcomes.

Do not play Sympathy Sue with it. We don’t want to have to coax, dote, and protect your character every step of the way in a story without them ever showing signs of doing anything but keeping the attention on them and their issues. In real life, real people have personalities beyond their issues, they have friends, they tend to learn how to manage things over time. So let your character grow, and show themselves too. In writing, we do this for fun and to escape bad things. We don’t want to shoulder something during playtime, we may encounter often in real life.

Do not go into this without research. Practice writing up little stories to describe the symptoms. Read everything you can. Look up webpages, blogs, and everything where people are offering the information on their struggles freely.

Make sure everyone in the group is comfortable playing this out. It can trigger things when you go whole hog descriptive about every symptom they have until they suddenly start having one in real life because fuck, they’re right there again. Never surprise someone with a panic attack in character unless you know it’s okay, or are willing to just skim over it.

Understand the gist of why these exist? Good. Go with the spirit of them, not the letter of them. Basically respect, even though as writers we intentionally use them for plot and growth, we should not abuse that ability by lacking respect for the real people who have them. Be tactful, be polite, be respectful as the person behind the keyboard. Anything that isn’t tactful, polite, or respectful had better be in character, and had better relate to the plot and characterization pretty damn well. You should also make it very obvious that you disagree with the character in narration. If they say something crass or obtuse, point out that they said something crass and obtuse.

“It’s not like it’s really that bad, you’re just scared right? Get over it, you whiner,” he said, sneering. His lack of empathy for the subject really showed his lack of experience with it.

Tada, by adding in one line, you’re a better writer in general, and have accurately explored characterization while pointing out you recognize he’s a total asshole. Doing things in a way that clearly shows you give a damn and understand what you’re choosing to let the character do is the key to not pissing someone else off.

Okay so back to the attacks! These symptoms are basically just names right now. You can say what’s happening straight out, and that’s cool, but... how do you make your reader empathize with them? You’re going to want to explore each of these feelings in writing, or at least the ones you know you’re going to use. This is homework! Explain each of these in detail in a way you can connect with them. Put yourself into your character’s position, and write from the heart.

Their heart racing, what do they feel when this happens? The skipping beats that feel awkward and clunky? The way you can feel it pounding along, a mile a minute, ready to burst out of your chest? Go running, when your heart rate gets up there, you’ll really fucking quickly pick up on how that part feels. The pounding, heaviness of a heart going so fast your shirt is trembling, and your hands can’t stay steady. Describe it, describe how that heartbeat going mad feels to you and how out of place it is.

Tingling and numbness? You might have had a limb go to sleep before, use that as a jumping off point. Except in a panic attack, it’s everywhere and the pins aren’t painful. They’re just a loss of feeling everywhere. Your hands tickle with them, your skin feels like it’s tightened up weird, and can’t feel like it used to even if you’re hypersensitive to touch. Sweating so much you soak the sheets? Use that experience, the dripping, the suddenness. How it contrasts with the temperature being comfortable. Sweating from anxiousness or nerves. Damp palms. I fucking hate flop sweats like that, because I end up with a disgusting feeling scalp, wet neck, and my body is just damp all over after I’ve been through an extreme.

Everyone’s probably trembled in their lives. A shiver through your limbs. What happens when you tremble? Is it harder to write, or grab onto things? Is your grip worse? Explore how trembling effects your environment as much as it effects you. It helps to understand that the tremble is sudden, violent. You cannot stop it, it’s beyond your control, and you struggle to keep yourself from showing it a lot if you’re that type of a person. Since it’s down to personality, someone might have a shaking quavering voice, or they might be hiding that shaking hand and stiffening up to hide it all from the others.

Choking, smothering, unable to breathe... well that sounds like running to me, but I’m out of shape as hella. Crying does it too though, unable to get past a throat filled with snot. The absolute lack of breath, it’s like you’re depressurized. Remember nothing, from the feeling of choking, to the stitch in your side, to feeling sick to your stomach, is exclusive to a panic attack. You’ll probably have encountered being dizzy or light headed in your life without ever seeing a panic attack. Chills and hot flashes too. They can be way more extreme, like sitting there shivering and teeth chattering despite being in a 85°F/29°C room. Just absolutely taken by how cold you are, and nothing can warm you because you’re already sweating. It looks a lot like a symptom of shock, which is why they throw those blankets over you after a severe accident of any kind, even if you’re not hurt.

While you’re looking at those, don’t just look at the symptom. Look at the character’s reaction to the symptoms. Does stomach pain make them cry? Does it make the shortness of breath worse? Do they have sweating, lightheadedness, hot flashes, and nausea and just wave it off as a thing that’s happening because they’re scared? Mix and match. Some characters handle things better than others. Some have different reactions. Find them, and pull them out and shove them in the light for other people to see.

The final symptoms are a bit more in-depth because we can’t find aspects of them to jump off of from real life. Derealization, depersonalization, a fear of losing control or not feeling ‘sane’, or a fear of dying? These we might not feel very often or at all if we’re neurotypical. So we’re going to rely on people who have experienced them to learn about what they’re like. That’s dangerous territory, be respectful when you explore it. Not sure where you’ll find details on these without stepping on toes? Hi! I’ve had all of them, so lemme get down to brass tacks and tell you what they may be like. Once again, one person’s experiences do not equal all people’s experiences, but as an intelligent person with critical thinking you knew that and were totally going to google Reddit threads and blogs about the subject if you intended to write them, right?

So, derealization and depersonalization are very interconnected, which is probably while they’re listed as a grouped symptom in the list. They are experiencing the feeling of becoming entirely unhinged from either reality, or yourself. It’s a wild sensation to be several feet outside of your body, watching as everything happens. It’s even more wild that it can vary, a few inches away, or even just ‘somewhere else’ while your body keeps going. You can lose your entire grip on a situation, your mind fully consumed with something else, to the point you don’t really feel like it’s you talking, or moving.

Same thing when everything stops feeling real. Like you’re in a movie, or a dream, watching shit play out you have no control over. Yet, you function through it. On autopilot, saying the things you would say, doing the things you would or should do. Even though you’re feeling a bubble or padding between you and there. In my case, I’ve definitely felt like I was underwater, and should be unable to breathe, but I was breathing fine, looking through this glassy feeling at a body that was going through a panic attack, but it wasn’t really me. It was a bunch of chemical firing, everything happening felt rehearsed, fake, and far away. Like, it had been predetermined to happen, and I had no control over it.

It’s varied between feeling like I, personally, am not the person doing shit. I look into a mirror, and some stranger is looking back at me, who has the wrong everything. Sometimes everything isn’t real, there’s no way everything can look like this can feel like this when the world is shutting down for me. I am empty, why is the world doing this, it cannot be real. Except it is. This is such a numbing, empty experience, that it leaves you really struggling to find something to anchor yourself to. Those are not my hands. My hands aren’t that size. This room is not my room, it looks wrong, the color is off in a way I can’t describe, the comfort isn’t for me. It’s really fucking mindboggling, and all this?

Is on top of other symptoms. At the same time. My dude lemme tell you, wearing another person’s skin and watching them unable to breath because they’re choking on air, while they suddenly go freezing cold, teeth chattering, is a TRIP!

Fear of losing control or going crazy is fun too, in the way that I can being super sarcastic on one hand because it’s not fun at all; and also very very genuine because I have an analytical mind and it’s cool to see my own brain degrade in front of me. When in the throes of this, I definitely know I’m not insane, but what if I am? What if this is the moment I snap and lose it entirely? What if this is the terrifying reality now, that I’m never going to get any of these other symptoms under control, and instead I’m going to get worse and start chewing the walls and attacking people left and right? What if this is my breaking point?

The terror just eats away at you, because no matter how much someone says that you’re gonna be fine, and that you’re not insane, they have no idea. They’re not a professional, and they don’t have some kind of little device that lets them see what’s going on in your head. When your thoughts get jumbled and frantic like that, it can super feel like you’re losing the plot entirely. You really do start to believe there’s no hope for you and they’re going drag you off and drug you up because everything that makes you you has spiderwebbed into this wild ass new person who has had their sanity ripped out of their hands.

I blame Hollywood for a lot of this, because you see this kind of thing happen. Someone becomes too emotional, and wa-bam, they never come back from it. They got comatose, or hysterical and have to be dragged away. They never quite make it back to their former selves, and that! Is! terrifying! And just the kind of unrealistic thing a mind having met it’s limit would throw at you because it can no longer keep track of what is actually happening.

Fear of dying is the last one, and after the things above, is it really any surprise that you might feel like you were dying in the middle of all this? Now the last time I got this, I had managed to get a head injury and a seizure so maybe it was an ickle bitty bit of a realistic fear. (Also, I’m fine, but obviously some things have happened since I last wrote for you guys, be nice to me.) With all these feelings of rushing inevitability, fear of the end of yourself is RIGHT up there waving its hands and demanding to be seen. This is, I also got this from... slightly cutting my thumb while cooking.

It doesn’t have to make sense, I knew my thumb was not going to bleed out, but I was ready to face death because oh no, something terrible has happened. My brain saw one big drop of blood, and it was done. I was officially dying. I would lose the thumb, I would get gangrene, I would die in a corner somewhere. It became something that overwhelmed all my senses and I had to lay down for a while and let it pass. All I wanted was someone to be there for me while I was inevitably dying of a boo boo. That’s how extreme it can go from literally nothing, so it’s super hard to shake off if you pick it as one of your character’s responses!

Now if you had to take a break during this at any time, that’s perfectly normal. It may be a sign that you shouldn’t RP this situation though, because that’s gonna be even more intense. Plus, if it’s tied to your character, and you’re the type to be inside your characters POV for the smoothest writing process? You might feel like it’s happening to you. Method acting can bite you in the ass if this is something you can trigger by experiencing it. On the other hand, RPing your way through it can help compartmentalize it, and putting those horrible feelings into a new situation can help you recontextualize it from an outside perspective. Making it easier later to go through a panic attack because now you have another experience to draw from. There’s a reason Therapists like it when you roleplay.

Just remember, roleplaying is for story and fun. If you find yourself far too deep, aftercare may be needed. You don’t have to always ask someone else for that, you can just give yourself something relaxing after play. Hit up your favorite goofy TV show. Eat a treat you really love and let yourself be in the moment while you savor it. Take a nice warm bath if that’s the kind of thing that relaxes you. Sure, it’s roleplay, but it can have a real emotional effect on you, same as any other experience! So, if you need to, find someone you can talk it out with. If not friends, then a professional who can give you the tools to make the most of your new experience in helping yourself. Hell, if you simply got to the end of this and feel drained or something, go give yourself a treat and cool off a bit!

Anyways thank you for reading! Hope this helps in really expressing panic attacks a little more clearly in text, but always remember to CHECK IN on your partner. Make SURE they’re comfortable with the level of detail you want to get into! If not, go for a lighter hand! Write a vignette on the side, and upload it to your Tumblr as a fanfic of your RP if you wanna prove your skills without effecting other people! Tag your shit! Be aware of those around you, and really do make sure everyone’s comfortable when you’re exploring topics like these.

If you try your best to get it right and do the research, it’s obvious to others. You’ll be fine. Happy RPing!

#RPedia #Ask RPedia #roleplaying #roleplaying help #roleplaying tips #rph #panic attacks #triggering material #trigger warning #panic #writing #writing a panic attack

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carrierofpretzel · 14 days

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Y’all said wild… im gonna go wild…. Guest characters typically pretty fun!! im gonna talk about how I felt about them besides Ashe cause I don’t have PD

Spoilers

I’m gonna go in order and try not to be biased

Pokay or La “lmmortal” Alma: Pokay is a variety youtuber started out in smp live and work with carson which led him to being friends with the jrwi boys, He himself is very funny and I love him but there were quite a few times where La Alma seemed to little like a character and more like it was just Poke which he’s funny so its not terrible but…. dnd is a rp game… you play as who you want. I will say! the battle against and the battle with La Alma are both amazing!! it just felt kind of bland at points.

Jschlatt or Duke Duke D. Dukem Duke of Dook: Jschaltt is another variety youtuber that did Lunch Club with Slimecicle a few years back and then after that ended they were together doing Chuckle Sandwich. Schlatt is rather funny as well and Duke is very funny but… I remember watching that episode and after it ended I felt like nothing was changed about the story. It barely felt like it was Riptide.

Jocat or Captain Tastrius: Jocat was a youtube animator who made such videos as “A Crap Guide to DnD” I don’t know much about JoCat for i never watched his content. I love Captain Tastrius he is such a cool character and his reasoning for his actions did not! make me cry I promise! Everything he does it is more so for his crew. The reason he wants to break the curse is because he sees how badly his crew is affected by it… especially EZME AELINOR, I’ve already spoke about Ezme and how much I love them so he def gets bonus for also making a npc to be there along with his character.

Jonah Scott or Icabodh: Jonah Scott is known for his roles in Beastars as Legoshi, Akudama Drive as Courier, High-Rise Invasion as Sniper Mask, Dying Light 2 Stay Human as Aiden Caldwell, and SK8 the Infinity as Joe (I did copy and paste that i have no idea what that any of that is) But he plays the lovely Ichabod!! he has one of the coolest entrances in my opinion and I love his determination to pursue what he wants. I love that hes one of the few guests that always thinks before acting. Ichabod’s arrival brings with it many funny moments and so many important plot points.

You guys can try to guess who my favorite is! I think I did good to hide my bias towards them so!

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cemeterything · 2 years

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Name: The Radio Host

Pronouns: He/Him or It/Its

Appearance: An amalgamation of man and machine cobbled together into a nightmarish humanoid form of twisted metal and dials and broadcast antennae, roughly resembling a radio tower. Leaks a lot of gross black fluid that smells strongly of engine oil, though I would advise against trying to light him on fire. Wears a hawaiian shirt for some reason.

The Radio Host is a Netherbound (original fiction RP) character I made who controls the province of Radio Town, formerly the Clockwork City. The Radio Host conquered and drove out the Clockwork Folk (automatons powered by a combination of analog technology and unknown magic) who used to live there and established his own city before hunting them almost to extinction to ensure they couldn't return to take back their land. Since he wiped out their entire civilization and destroyed all their history and culture, it is unknown how the enmity between Clockwork Folk and Radio Town citizens came to be, only that The Radio Host won.

The Radio Host wishes to hoard and control information, but otherwise most of its actions are motivated by what he thinks will be the most entertaining course of events rather than any kind of moral or logical reasoning. All citizens of Radio Town have undergone bodily modifications to connect them to the Radio Tower where it resides, replacing parts of them with radio equipment that allows it to broadcast through them and for them to feed him information wherever they go. Citizens of Radio Town seem to live there willingly, but it's unclear whether this is because they actually possess free will or they're part of a hivemind of which The Radio Host is the 'queen'.

Killing The Radio Host is inadvisable as it possesses information of which there is no other record and will be forever destroyed if he is (such as the Clockwork Folk's entire history and knowledge of how to repopulate their dying species). The Radio Host is a very powerful and dangerous tyrant with many defences and is difficult to negotiate with, as he very likely knows more about you than you'd like anyone to have access to.

The Radio Host is also fond of experimenting on other living beings to "improve" them in its own image, and will attempt to perform this on anyone who passes through its domain. It is believed this is what happened to most of its subjects. The Radio Host keeps a formerly human woman named Gwen that it nonconsensually transformed into a cyborg using scrap parts of Clockwork Folk killed during the Clockwork-Radio War as its pet/guard animal. This guy sucks! And yes, he IS sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends.

(art by @/haxxydraws)

#ask game #oc ask game #the radio host #body horror #i love this awful fucker can you tell

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polyboros · 1 year

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the thing is, right. that i wrote 75 fics for blaseball. more, if you count tumblr prompts - more if you count wiki pages. over the course of late 2020 to the very beginning of 2023, i wrote more for blaseball than i have for anything else, except maybe my friends' oc rp. maybe i'll never write that much for fandom again. my writing developed so much over that period of time - blaseball gave me a lot of inspiration and a lot of practice!! i met incredible writers through it who inspire me so much To This Day. i met incredible people with incredible ideas. i still lurk around in the crabitat, because the community there is lovely and i love looking for secondhand recommendations in the media channels. i could list a lot of regulars i've just... seen around, for about 2, 3 years. blaseball offered me both the opportunity to grow as a writer and the opportunity to find communities that, even if some of them fell apart, taught me a lot of things anyways. i'm still in contact with a lot of people i met through blaseball, and that's fucking lovely!!

i can't say i'm sad it's over. i guess i'm a little sad. but blaseball's been dying for a while, now, and it's the kinda thing you sorta see on the horizon. i'm one of the people who distanced themself from it before it came, and i'm a little grateful to my past self for that - i've got so much going on that i don't have quite enough room for a "i just moved across the country and also tot clark died in my funny game so i'm going to lose it for 5 hours" kind of night. i still have everything that matters. the experience, the community, the funny little guys. but blaseball did a lot for me, so i wanted to say goodbye. here's goodbye.

there is a radio.

sometimes it's in the crabitat. sometimes it's in other stadiums, darkened locker rooms slowly collecting dust; maybe there's the occasional visitor, casting light across worn benches, footsteps leaving imprints on the tile. but there's less and less visitors.

most of the time, it's at home.

you can tune it, if you're careful. it likes to play what it wants, though, and so not-players-mostly-people just let it go, when they find it - whatever jaunty commentator/clawmentator voice it wants to remind them of, games stretching from the very first season to the very last, it gets to do that. it keeps playing, however distorted by static it gets.

time goes on.

there are less people to visit, as time goes on. some people grow old and die. some people don't die, but they do move on, and the radio knows it'd be an unwelcome reminder. but there's always a handful to visit, to comfort, to celebrate with. immortals at a graveyard that used to be a field with strings of pearls in their pockets. the handful of players that kept playing, in the after, maybe other splorts or other games - but they kept playing, and they had fun, eventually. parties of people that used to be on different teams and now just share jerseys like old sweaters, trading stories of how their hometowns have changed since it ended.

sometimes the radio sticks around with someone for a while. sometimes it changes hands every day, every hour, switching its tune to match. sometimes nobody sees it for a very long time, and sometimes people forget it exists entirely. but it always comes back for a visit. a little memory, a little burst of joy-in-static. hello- hello- blaseball fans!

there is a radio. it's lasted for a long time, and it'll last for a while longer, even in the absence of blaseball itself. it lasted through ascension, after all. it lasted through siesta after siesta after siesta.

there is a radio, and there is a world moving on from blaseball.

there is a radio, and there is the lilt of old words, phrases quickly becoming antiquated, kept alive through pick-ups and muscle memory.

there is a radio, and there are people who used to be players.

there is a radio, and there are people who used to be fans, who still are fans, who still will be fans.

there is a radio, and it still loves.

there is a radio, and it still is loved.

(that's all for today's game, folks!)

there is a radio.

#kbitycus talks #blaseball #goodnight sweet blaseball. it was a good run #i made myself sadder abt blb ending writing this by the by which. unintended effect. peace and love #a special shoutout to the crabitat and all the people i met through it. claws up!!

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dewittwrites · 3 months

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PARTNER HUNT.

Waddup! So I suck at talking about myself it’s a whole thing but I’m trying so here we go! The name is Roman, typically, buuuut I respond to nicknames and shortened versions of the name because… why not! I’m 33 old as fuck 😭 and I’m in the GMT timezone! I do not write with people under the age of 25. It’s my preference because of my age so please keep that in mind.

I write exclusively on Discord, and I have some wanted plots / faces / pairings beneath the cut! Because… why not just get into it. If you’re fancying anything with me, please be advised that I don’t do single muse RP servers, I make Forum Style Servers and then have a category / forum for each verse or era or genre etc. single muse servers just feel so wasteful. Anyway! My Discord for those interested is CountOliveira

- Anything mafia style / mafia based. Give me the titular Romeo & Juliet plot, the children of the opposing / clashing Bosses falling in love and secretly leading a life together. The Bosses who argue up a storm in public and fuck like pornstars in private. The fights for territory, the bloodshed, the death.

- The abducted falling in love with their captor. Money has exchanged hands but they won’t go back because they don’t want to leave their captor behind or see them go to jail… or worse. Kidnapping plots filled with seedy dubious scenes, mind games and manipulation.

- anything SUPERNATURAL. And not necessarily the show, just anything with supernatural creatures and beings! Hiding in plain sight, living a secret life, living out and proud and being hunted for their pride. The supernatural hunting the humans… anyone played Redfall?

- Dead by Daylight. Resident Evil. Red Dead Redemption. Dying Light. Dead Island. Stardew Valley. Coral Island. Some of my favourite games, gimme! Especially the Resident Evil. Gimme OCs, gimme our own spin on canons!

- T A B O O. Seriously I have so few limits with kink and smut and relationships. Hit me with your wants and desires and I’m willing to bet I’ll say yes!

- the Dom and Sub learning together. Exploring their kinks and their limits, how to navigate their dynamic together. What makes them tick.

- anything you want. I’m versatile and I’m an open book.

- MWP: Ronen Rubinstein x Rafael Silva. Matthew Daddario x Dominic Sherwood. Eiza Gonzalez x DJ Cotrona.

- MWF: pending!?

#discord rp #discord roleplay #discord rpg #discord 1x1 #discord mumu #1x1 roleplay #1x1 discord #smut 1x1 #smut rp #kink rp #dark rp #supernatural rp #mature rp #crime rp #multimuse rp

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lycheefreeze · 8 months

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Another scene from that rp again! This one isn't so spicy so I included the scene below! Basic context: Hidan's having a crisis of faith and he's trying to rationalize his usefulness ever since his rituals began to-as Hidan describes it, fall on deaf ears- Kakuzu has confiscated his Jashin sigil trying to help him make a point and Hidan's having a hard time coping. So he decides to test himself and see what he can do without his Lord...with mixed results. This is off the tail-end of a fight where Kakuzu tells Hidan he's the bottom of the food chain, despite his potential.

------------------------------------------

Until recently, he'd thought he'd learned the most important lesson of being a person in this cruel world. The pinch of his cloak as Kakuzu's grip tightened on his neck was the single precarious link Hidan had to the world as he searched himself.

"...Learn something...?" Fine. Then he'd learn. He'd learn just what made him useful. Prove it even, to himself, and to Kakuzu, that even without his rituals, he wasn't going to be useless.

The man swatted Kakuzu's hands away from him, staggering back as he stood before his partner. "Fine. Fine, I'll learn something right now!" He snapped, something in his hand catching the light- one of the cultist's retractable spears, from inside his cloak. He held it up, pulse rushing in his ears as he looked at the freshly sharpened edge. But he had to be quick- or else Kakuzu might try to stop him and then he'd really be an idiot. But this way, if he lived, he knew he wasn't usless. If he died, well…then he was useless and now the world would be better off without a lesser creature defiling it- he might even be able to reconcile with his Lord! And...Kakuzu could find a better, more worthy partner.

He gave the other immortal one more look before closing the distance between the spear and his chest, plunging the thing into his heart. In hindsight, maybe the heart had been a hasty choice, because immediately, he realized he'd made a miscalculation. Something about this felt different.

Kakuzu’s eyes widened as he saw the pike turn inwards and before he could reach out to stop the idiot, it was already inches deep into his chest cavity, and most likely into the muscle of his heart- and jutting out the other side of Hidan's hunched-over body. Fucking dramatic moron.

What was Hidan trying to accomplish here? Did the kid not remember he was immortal? Did he-

Right. His dumb idiot must have thought that his immortality was tied to his made-up religion, and now without it there was a possibility that he could simply just die. Except that’s not how it worked.

“What are you doing?” Kakuzu sounded more inconvenienced than anything. He watched and waited for Hidan to make the connection himself, hoping that he wasn’t stupid enough to assume that his lack of dying meant that Jashin was still watching over him.

The blood flowed over Hidan's hand hot and thick, pouring with enough force that the mud under him splashed, mixing around his feet. Hidan actually felt…light-headed this time. Was he dying? The taste of blood on his tongue, and slowly his internal bleeding leaked through into his lungs- he must have pierced a lung with the kunai as well- the wider surface was different from the usual spikes he used- those were much more precise. Maybe that's why he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Hidan's hand fell from the spear, the handle still embedded in his pectoral as the younger shinobi's feet lost their hold on the bloody mess beneath him and he collapsed to his knees. He was…still alive, he concluded for the moment as he tried to suck in a breath. So why did he still feel so numb? Felt like his body was getting heavier… Kakuzu watched as Hidan fell to his knees, about ready to roll his eyes. Great. He was about to pray again-

Except… instead of his skin fading into the black and white skeletal pattern, all it did was pale. Kakuzu saw how the zealot's hands were shaking now, the color of them looking less his usual pale peach complexion and more like parchment. More like the bodies they turned in for bounties. Then he heard his partner’s voice which had fear laced heavily in the words.

"Kakuzu…Something's wrong." Hidan gagged, looking down at his blood and mud stained hands. "This isn't right-" He gasped again, staring up at his partner, blood spilling from his mouth. "None of this is right!"

“Hidan!”

#lycheefreeze #lychee art #naruto fanart #naruto shippuden #kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #lychee speakz #akatsuki #lychee writes #oooh new tag!#tho i can only take half the credit #i play hidan in this #my lovely partner plays a perfect kakuzu #i also edited it i guess #tw blood

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